#Nerdie with her brand of comedy

[nerdieforpedro]

Good night to the following people:

@maggiemayhemnj I unlocked a new form: menace. Dabbled in some poetry. Reveled in some flannel speak - good times. 🧡

@lady-bess You’ll see this when you wake up. Have a good day sugar plum. I’ll endeavor to send you at least one sweat inducing message tomorrow. 🥵

@morallyinept As always, you’re a dream and a treat. I have to catch up on all your things. You stay putting out, I need to sop it all up with a biscuit. 💦

@trulybetty I am going to watch Road House and share my notes. You made valentine prompts look very easy with your skillful writing. I’m struggling to keep up, your stamina is uncanny. 😘

@legendary-pink-dot Still waiting for the menu to open. I’m dancing outside the cafe peeping through the window. Heavy breathing. 😮‍💨

@604to647 Like I said, Din is very happy for what he receives, we are happy to give it to him. This is the Way. Also you’re very sweet. 🤭

@pedroshotwifey So happy you’re back! I’m looking forward to chapter 10 even though I’m heavily concerned for the reader. 👀 But I need to know what happens. 🤔

@mysterious-moonstruck-musings I’ll pin you down and write you a sweat inducing Drabble with our trash panda. Because you’re cool too. Ask @lady-bess and @maggiemayhemnj 🥸

@for-a-longlongtime I thank your for shirtless Din. I’m in a Din vortex you and @immarocketman are contributing to this visually and I appreciate the both of you. 🥹☺️

Tonight’s been an awesome night. I messed around with some blerbs and mini-drabbles? Whatever I did and was up in people’s comments. 😆

I’m actually sleepy, a rarity. 😴

Goodnight, Nerdie loves ya! 💖

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

You know what I love to see happen in comedy? When one person is on a show and has been a fan of it since long before they got the chance to appear on it, bonus points if they’ve been into it since even before they were famous, and they’re clearly really excited to be there. It’s (part of) why James Acaster and Ed Gamble and Rose Matafeo were such great Taskmaster contestants. The Jo Brand and Alan Davies types, who don’t give a shit, are funny. But for my very favourite contestants, I’ll always pick the ones who have seen all of Taskmaster before, and really want to win partly due to natural competitiveness and partly due to a desire to conquer the game they enjoy so much.

That’s the energy in the early seasons of Catsdown, when Jon Ricahrdson is so genuinely pleased to be doing this. He’s there to advance his comedy career and all, but he’s mainly interested in getting to play Countdown and get paid for it and that’s the coolest thing ever to him. In the first couple of episodes he wore a suit instead of his usual cardigans/other casual clothes, and I’m pretty sure that’s just an Alex Horne with Mel Giedroyc situation, wearing a suit to honour the gravity of the situation. In a radio show from 2007, he told Russell Howard that he and his mother and sister had a board game that let them play Countdown as a family and they did that every Christmas. Knowing that makes me enjoy seeing him on Catsdown even more, because it confirms that his excitement about the puzzles on TV is not an affectation to play into his image as a nerdy comedian; it’s a thing he talked about long before he got on 8 Out of 10 Cats.

QI gets a lot of that, because it’s been such a well established and respected show for so many years. If someone is just now getting their career going well enough to get booked on QI for the first time, then they’re probably the right age to have been into QI long before they got famous. And if someone has chosen to pursue a career that’s led to them getting booked on QI, then they’re probably the sort of person who’s been into QI since they were young. So a lot of people on their QI debut are pretty excited to be there.

Sara Pascoe is one of my favourite examples of that. She was so excited in her first appearance, to be on the great QI and get to go back and forth with the great Stephen Fry. Then she appeared more times and started to settle into the situation, until the hosts changed, and she was like a new panelist again. So excited every time to show off all her knowledge to our Lord and Saviour Sandi Toksvig. That happens with a few of the comedians, particularly female comedians, of Pascoe’s generation when they get on QI and are so visibly excited to work with Sandi Toksvig, it’s so much fun to watch. A similar thing happened with younger comedians getting to meet Stephen Fry in the previous era, but with Toksvig there’s the added layer of older women who did this shit back when hardly any women were doing it and younger women who appreciate the trails they blazed, and that’s awesome.

That shows a similar phenomenon of a comedian who’s really excited to work with a specific person, rather than the show as a whole. Like that episode of Was It Something I Said? that had Brian Blessed as a guest. It was almost surreal to see both David Mitchell and Richard Ayoade downright star struck. These guys have built their whole personas on being fairly unshakable, and King of Deadpan Richard pretty much giggled his way through the whole episode and hung on Blessed’s every word. It’s an absolute delight to watch.

The Last Leg episodes with Carrie Fisher also come to mind. And the QI episodes with Carrie Fisher. And that time she was on 8 Out of 10 Cats, weirdly like 24 hours before she died. No one can pretend to be unphased around Carrie Fisher. Even the relentlessly professional Jimmy Carr melted in her presence.

I’ve gotten (sorry I said “gotten”, Andy, I have listened to so much of The Bugle that I have started to feel the need to apologize to Andy Zaltzman every time I use that word, and explain that it really is incorrect grammar to not use it over here) ten episodes into the post-Oliver era of The Bugle. It’s good, I’ve enjoyed many moments of it, but it’s come out of the gate a little a little uneven. There’s a process and a learning curve to both me getting used to it so I can fully appreciate it, and to all the comedians involved figuring out exactly what this is now. But one of the most straightforwardly lovely things about it is how Nish Kumar has clearly loved this show since long before he had a chance to be on it, and he’s so excited to be there.

Nish’s nerdy One of Us side is one of the things that makes him so much fun to listen to in general - he grew up loving similar music and similar comedy to me, and loving them in similar ways that I do, and I love hearing him talk about that. That side of him comes out in these early appearances he made on The Bugle, as his respect for the show and the people who made it before him is so palpable. That makes the uneven start easier to navigate, the unfamiliar easier to process.

[cinema-tv-etc]

American Pie at 20: why the raucous comedy could never be made today

The 1999 hit that spawned a franchise had moments of sweetness amid the filth, but it also possessed little interest in how women feel about sex

American Pie could never be made today.

Just the premise of high school boys vowing, by hook or by crook, to lose their virginity before prom feels like a game of Russian roulette with four bullets in the chamber. Per their own guidelines, it has to be “valid, consensual sex”, nothing with prostitutes, but the timeline doesn’t exactly incentivize good behavior, especially when they decide that working together is the best way to make it happen. And that’s before you get to some of the film’s more dubious particulars, like filming a foreign exchange student naked without her knowledge and broadcasting it via webcam to the entire class. (The resolution is quite poor, for what it’s worth. There’s only so much smut that can survive a dial-up modem.)

Yet 20 years later, American Pie is being made all the time. It’s being made in The 40-Year-Old Virgin, in Superbad, in Neighbors, in Booksmart, in the constant flow of cringe-inducing comedies about love and friendship among the sexually inexperienced. The films have evolved with the culture – and frankly, a healthy shift in the rules of engagement – but they’re part of a long continuum of teen (or man-child) sex romps that deal in humiliating rites of passage. For male viewers especially, it’s a perverse form of escapism: they can recognize how awkward and embarrassing those first sexual encounters tend to be, but hey, at least they didn’t liken a woman’s breasts to “bags of sand” or get caught dipping their wick into a warm apple pie.

In 1999, American Pie was at the end of one phase and the beginning of another, which is why it seems both dated and prescient – a relic from a randier era of cable-ready frathouse and gross-out comedies, and a look ahead to a sweeter brand of raunch, rooted in deep friendships and the possibility of a more mature, longer-lasting romance. At the time, the Farrelly brothers hits Kingpin and There’s Something About Mary were sparking a can-you-top-this cycle of R-rated comedies that carried into the early 2000s, with titles now either forgotten (Say It Ain’t So, Slackers, Waiting …) or not worth remembering (Scary Movie, National Lampoon’s Van Wilder).

Critics were divided on American Pie’s contributions to the trend – the infamous pie, the semen in a beer cup, the mochaccino spiked with laxatives – but they were by no means the lowest of the low. And these set pieces were the big draw, just as they were a year earlier with There’s Something About Mary, when the “hair gel” scene and the “zipper” scene were shorthand hooks that brought people to theaters, regardless of the actual premise. The film also worked in the post-Animal House tradition of boys behaving badly, specifically Porky’s, which was also about nerdy high school students who make a pact to lose their virginity. The webcam in American Pie was merely a tech update on the locker-room peephole that Porky’s plastered on its poster, and both films were fully prepared to deliver the voyeuristic kick they promised. There would be nudity – and, with American Pie, an “unrated” home video version that suggested (but didn’t deliver) material that was too hot for MPAA.

Three sequels and a direct-to-video spinoff series down the line, however, it’s worth reflecting on the specific magic that made American Pie the sensation its predecessors and imitators were not. Much of it has to do with the casting, which brought together several stars (or near stars) of tomorrow before they were recognizable faces. Eugene Levy and Jennifer Coolidge were the only established comic talents – Levy, out of some mercenary sense of obligation, would be the only star to appear in all eight American Pie movies – and Alyson Hannigan had completed a couple seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but Jason Biggs, Chris Klein, Tara Reid, Mena Suvari, Natasha Lyonne, Seann William Scott and Shannon Elizabeth were mostly unknown, and John Cho, who comments briefly on Coolidge’s Milf-y appeals, was still five years away from the first Harold & Kumar film.

Directors Paul and Chris Weitz, working from a script by Adam Herz, give American Pie a democratic quality that allows all these young actors a chance to set themselves apart, though the boys naturally get more opportunities than the girls. Biggs, Klein, Thomas Ian Nicholas and Eddie Kaye Thomas play the four virgins on the prowl, and they all eventually get what they want, but not before the universe punishes them for their efforts. Hannigan, Suvari, Reid and Coolidge are, respectively, the partners who generously escort them into manhood, half by their own sexual aggression (Coolidge as a Mrs Robinson type, Hannigan as a dorky flutist who had an awakening “this one time, at band camp”) and the other half by romantic coercion.

As Jim Levenstein, Biggs constantly hurls himself into a buzzsaw of sexual mortification, which the film shrewdly casts as at once identifiable and wildly over-the-top. It’s common for teenage boys to squint at softcore porn through the bars on premium cable channels or to get caught masturbating by a parent or to fumble out of inexperience or overexcitement. But it’s uncommon to have Mom squeal at a boner in a sweatsock or Dad come home to the pie wreckage or the entire school witness a striptease act, followed by two straight instances of premature ejaculation. Through all the cringing, there’s the comfort that many have had experiences like Jim’s, but nothing so epically hapless and clumsy, and no heart-to-hearts with Dad afterwards to heighten the agony.

American Pie emphasizes the camaraderie of the group and the harmless good nature of its members, who maybe aren’t in the category of regrettable lovers, after all. But it gives so little thought to the opposite sex, who are either brazenly lusty or careful gatekeepers of their own chastity, waiting for an “I love you” or some other show of sensitivity, like a password at a speakeasy. Women seem as inexplicable to the film-makers themselves as they are to the characters. That’s been an unfortunate part of the continuum of teen sex comedies, too, long before American Pie and well past it.

There’s a moment in the film that deals with the fallout from Jim’s webcam encounter with Nadia (Elizabeth), the foreign exchange student. Jim’s classmates are all pointing and laughing, of course, at his goofy striptease and sexual ineptitude, but Nadia has been disappeared from the scene, hastily booted back to Slovakia. She’ll appear again at the end, happily taking in more dancing via webcam, but the film is never conscious of how she might actually feel. For Jim, their bedroom rendezvous was another in a series of screw-ups to get over; for Nadia, it meant immediate exile to the hinterlands of eastern Europe. American Pie may not be about her, but in a film about young men going through emotional and sexual rites of passage, she’s just another bump in the road.

https://www.theguardian.com/film/2019/jul/09/american-pie-20th-anniversary-jason-biggs

[klaravanwoodersenxxx]

le intro

I saw [KLARA VAN WOODERSEN] at a coffee shop in [MANHATTAN] today. I forgot how much [SHE/HER] looks like [KEIRA KNIGHTLEY]. They are a [THIRTY-TWO] year old [ACTRESS] who’s been in NYC for [FIVE YEARS] now. Every time we run into each other, they are always [GENEROUS AND DUTIFUL] but I’ve heard people say they can also be [VULNERABLE AND TIMID]. [ME AND MY HUSBAND BY MITISKI] reminds me of them every time it comes on the radio. — [lyss, she/her, 18, pst]

- Klara was born on January 23rd, 1989 to George and Lily Van Woodersen in Los Angeles, California. 

- Her father is an English-Dutch marketing businessman from London and her mom is a literature professor from San Francisco. Her parents met at a party hosted by lily’s co-worker. 

- Klara resided in California till she was six and moved to London, England because of her father’s changes in marketing agency. He became a junior associate of a U.K-based marketing agency at 30, then a senior associate at 36 and now he’s the owner/ceo of it now. 

- Klara had a lisp and other speech impediments growing up, and was bullied for it. It took a toll on her self-esteem and sometimes she wouldn’t speak at all in school, even if asked to by the teacher. Her early personality was timid, shy and anxious. After receiving speech therapy till the age of thirteen, she just got interested in acting and public speaking out of nowhere. She started watching more movies and all of these law shows. Her mother encouraged and supported her acting interests as she stayed focused in academics in case she ended up changing minds. 

- Klara begged her parents to pay for acting classes and she started going to sessions. Her instructors liked her a lot and thought she had a lot of passion to prove herself successful. After receiving acting training and singing lessons while doing theatre at school, she began to audition for small tv roles at 16. she was rejected a few times, but her luck finally hit when she was chosen to play Miriam in a UK teen drama ( similar to skins, she played an “effy” kind of character) it really jumpstarted her career and she gained national attention  after a few months of the show’s release. afterwards, she gain some confidence and started doing modeling for fashion/beauty brand. 

- klara who was once seen as the nerdy, geeky, introverted theatre girl was now the popular “it” girl at school and in the industry. it completely baffled her because she thought this would never happen. about 17-18, she started receiving attention from guys and got into bad relationships because she was inexperienced and naive. a lot of the guys she used to be with were controlling or jealous of the attention she got. klara later moved to los angeles, california that year to study drama at UCLA and audition for roles there. 

- while in LA, she managed to get small roles in b-list movies and modeled for indie trendy brands such as american apparel and urban outfitters. she was one of those tumblr picturesque girls in her early 20s. she resided in LA for about 3-4 years, got her degree and moved into a new apartment in the WeHo area. her parent’s wealth supported her through this a lot. 

- after graduating, she got an agent who helped her out a lot and saw potential in her. thanks to the help of her agents and the connections she had, klara was booked to play roles in a-list dramas and comedy movies. she played roles similar to margot robbie’s character in wolf of wall-street, ana de armas’ character in blade runner, and much more on. it was the prime of her career. she got endorsed by chanel. during this time, she met her current husband in an oscar afterparty and began dating him a few months after. 

- flash forward to now, she has one 2-year old son and is living in a penthouse in manhattan. she’s not as popular as she used to be in the hollywood world, and doesn’t get booked movies as much as she used to because she isn’t considered to be “young” to hollywood standards anymore despite the fact that your 30s arent that super old. she’s sort of taking the extra time off to settle down and look after the kids when she’s not working full-time. right now she’s a regular on a 1960s netflix drama show she’s been on for 3 years. she plays a politican’s wife and writer on the show. 

fun facts 

1. she’s a terrible driver, failed her test 3 times. 

2. favorite candy is chocolate

3. on her free time, she writes or goes to the spa. 

4. she has 2 younger siblings. 

@villagestart

[your-turn-to-role]

@daelenn i will do that, thank you!

though this one may have to be split up by campaign bc i think there's too many otherwise, so i'll start with campaign one

1 - tova. it's another short girl! who is, you guessed it, feral. i mean, for starters, this is noelle stevenson we're ranking, only a week after her Supreme Gay Victory on she-ra, so like... that has to count for something. also, werebear. also, blood hunter. also, they rescued her from a dungeon in literal hell and she had the nerve to criticise them. also, they left her in a high security prison in hell, with nothing but an invisibility ring for protection, and she somehow showed up again a year later for honey heist like nothing happened and that's pretty goddamn valid of her but also extremely feral.

2 - oh man i LOVE sprigg. darin de paul is fantastic. definitely one of my fave guest pcs, both for how crucial he was to keyleth's storyline and the story as a whole, and also just how funny he was. in terms of feral specifically, he's an arcane trickster rogue who lives alone in a forest with an imp he hates and his entire house is covered in traps, he talks like every alice in wonderland character at once and discusses ways to take down vox machina with said imp very audibly in front of them, using ridiculous mnemonics. i'm never gonna get over him whispering about how to take down vax and referring to him as elf boy, at which point vax who'd been hearing the whole conversation jumps in to go "yeah i'm not an elf" and sprigg turns back to the imp and in a horrified whisper goes "HE'S NOT AN ELF!!". feral in the BEST way.

3 - i mean arkhan's gotta be up here. like, rode in on a gloomstalker, left by stealing the hand of vecna. not much more to be said than that.

4 - shale. you know the way grandmothers who take no shit and will hit you over the head for anything you say have their own brand of feral energies? yeah, that's what shale's channelling, except with the added bonus of being a goliath

5 - lionel we've already ranked but i think he clocks in somewhere around here?

6 - thorbir. points added for nearly everything about his personality, but deducted for being played by wil wheaton and thus having yakkety sax playing behind everything he does. shoutout to that time he rolled below three on every one of his attacks against a swarm of rats and matt let him do damage anyway on the grounds of "you're so frustrated, you just pick up a rat and tear it in half"

7 - zahra's a hard one, because mary elizabeth mcglynn just has big "everyone's mom" energies, and also she plays zahra so goddamn charming. but i mean, she's still a tiefling warlock mercenary, i think she's got plenty of feral in there

8 - garthok. not too feral, as things go? really he was just a fairly model clasp agent, well in control of himself, but also like, a career criminal and master assassin

9 - lillith. i wish we'd seen more of her? i loved everything kit buss did with accents, she started the eastern european wildemount tiefling thing, also her switching to the yorkshire to be the over the top distressed maid was great. i think she's more controlled than she is feral? like she was in hiding forever she had to be. but also like, "tell my sister i hope her face still festers". she can be hardcore when she wants.

10 - lyra. points deducted for nerdy human wizard. but definitely added for every time aldor got brought up

11 - kashaw. i think kash wants people to think he's feral? and granted, points for utterly demolishing that one assassin that tried to kill him, but on the whole, he's a lot nicer of a person than he tries to make everyone believe. also, has seen vesh, does not actually want to be feral. also will friedle has the best grasp of comedy i've ever seen and that's not necessarily relevant to his feral levels but just shoutout to kash 'cause i love him

12 - kerrek's the opposite of feral. mr gardener leader paladin teddy bear, thank you for taking good loving care of these kids. god knows they need it. patrick rothfuss i love you and wanna see you on the show again

[arcticdementor]

“Hey bro! Check out this Nike ad!” This was my entry point into a new world.

…

Since Carlos had lived mostly outside the United States, he was able to follow soccer on a level I’d never encountered in my hometown. Back then, before social media and the advent of scarf-wearing Northwestern fútbol hipsters, big-time European soccer was like the metric system: Known to almost all but ourselves. But Carlos knew, and immediately used LimeWire to curate me a massive archive of 1990s through early 2000s soccer highlights. What was I doing in the world without them?

Oddly enough, in trying to inculcate me in soccer fandom, he started not with game highlights, but with the advertisements. Yes, Carlos was an educator and a voluntary footsoldier for Big Apparel. Going in, I had no clue about high-quality, internationally popular Nike soccer ads. The ads, written by the legendary Wieden+Kennedy firm, were miniature movies, films that were often creatively daring but also quite funny. The most popular of these ads might be “Good vs. Evil,” from 1996, where Nike’s best soccer players team up to play Satan’s literal army. The blending of sacrilege, theology and comedy just worked, like a more ambitious version of Space Jam that somehow took itself less seriously than Space Jam.

…

Yes, I know ads aren’t supposed to be high art. I understand that they are the purest distillation of manipulative greed. And yet, they sometimes are culturally relevant generational touchstones. While Nike was weaving soccer into enduring pop culture abroad, it was having a similar kind of success with basketball and baseball stateside. These ads weren’t just pure ephemera. Michael Jordan’s commercials were so good that, as he nears age 60, his sneaker still outsells any modern athlete’s. “Chicks dig the long ball” is a phrase (a) that can get you sent to the modern HR department and b) whose origins are fondly remembered by most American men over the age of 35.

Modern Nike ads will never be so remembered. It’s not because we’re so inundated with information these days, though we are. And it’s not because today’s overexposed athletes lack the mystique of the 1990s superstars, though they do. It’s because the modern Nike ads are beyond fucking terrible.

…

They’re bad for many causes, but one in particular is an incongruity at the company’s heart. Nike, like so many major institutions, is suffering from what I’ll call Existence Dissonance. It’s happening in a particular way, for a particular reason and the result is that what Nike is happens to be at cross-purposes from what Nike aspires to be.

…

For all the talk of a racial reckoning within major industries, Nike’s main problem is this: It’s a company built on masculinity, most specifically Michael Jordan’s alpha dog brand of it. Now, due to its own ambitions, scandals, and intellectual trends, Nike finds masculinity problematic enough to loudly reject.

This rejection is part of the broader culture war, but it’s accelerating due to an arcane quirk in the apparel giant’s strange restructuring plan, announced in June. Under the leadership of new CEO John Donahoe, Nike is moving away from its classic discrete sports categories (Nike Basketball, Nike Soccer, etc.) in favor of a system where all products are shoveled into one of three divisions: men’s, women’s and kids’. Obviously Nike made clothing tailored to the specificities of all these groups before, but now, Nike is emphasizing gender over sport. Gone is the model of the product appealing to basketball fans because they are basketball fans. It’s now replaced by a model of, say, the product appealing to women because they are women.

And hey, women buy sneakers too. Actually, women buy the lion’s share of clothing in the United States. While women shoppers are market dominant in nearly every aspect of American apparel, the clothing multinational named after a Greek goddess happens to be a major exception. At Nike, according to its own records, men account for roughly twice as much revenue as women do.

You might see that stat and think, “Well, this means that Nike will prioritize men over women in its new, odd, gendered segmentation of the company.” That’s not necessarily how this all works, thanks to a phenomenon I’ll call Undecided Whale. The idea is that a company, as its aims grow more expansive, starts catering less to the locked-in core customer and more to a potential whale which demonstrates some interest. Sure, you can just keep doing what’s made you rich, but how can you even focus on your primary business with that whale out there, swimming so tantalizingly close? The whale, should you bring it in, has the potential to enrich you far more than your core customers ever did. And yeah yeah yeah, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, but those were birds. This is a damned whale! And so you start forgetting about your base.

You can see this dynamic in other places. For the NBA, China is its Undecided Whale. It could be argued that the NBA fixates more on China than on America, even if the vast majority of TV money comes from U.S. viewership. The league figures it has more or less hit its ceiling in its home country, so China becomes an obsession as this massive, theoretical growth engine.

…

Here’s the main issue for Nike in this endeavor: The company, as a raison d’être, promotes athletic excellence. While women are among Nike’s major sports stars, the core of high-level performance, in the overwhelming majority of sports, is male. Every sane person knows that, though nobody in professional class life seems rude enough to say so. Obviously, there’s the observable reality of who tends to set records and there’s also the pervasive understanding that testosterone, the main male sex hormone, happens to give unfair advantages to the athletes who inject it.

Speaking of which, there’s a famous This American Life episode from 2002 where the public radio journos actually test their own testosterone levels. The big joke of the episode is just how comically low their T levels are. Sure, you would stereotype bookish public radio men in this way, and yet the results are on the nose enough to shock.

As a nerdy media-weakling type, I can relate to the stunning realization that you’ve been largely living apart from T. Before working in the NBA setting, I was an intern in the cubicles of Salon.com’s San Francisco office, around the time it was shifting from respectable online magazine into inane outrage content mill. Going from that setting to the NBA locker room was some jarring whiplash, like leaving the faculty lounge for a pirate ship. To quote Charles Barkley on the latter culture, “The locker room is sexist, racist, and homophobic … and it’s fun and I miss it.”

…

The “Good vs. Evil” ad boasts a “Like” to “Dislike” ratio of 20-to-1 on YouTube. On June 17th of 2021, Nike put out an ad ahead of the Euro Cup that referenced “Good vs. Evil” as briefly as it could. In this case, a little child popped his collar and used Cantona’s catchphrase. As of this writing, the new ad has earned a thousand more punches of the Dislike than of the Like button.

When you see it, it’s no surprise that the latest Euro Cup ad is disliked. I mean, you have to look at this shit. I know we’re so numb to the ever-escalating emanations of radical chic from our largest corporations, but sometimes it’s worth pausing just to take stock and gawk.

…

But today we are in the land of new football, where we take dictatorial direction from less-than-athletic minors. After her announcement, we are treated to a montage of different people who offer tolerance bromides.

“There are no borders here!”

“Here, you can be whoever you want. Be with whoever you want.”

(Two men kiss following that line, because subtlety isn’t part of this new world order.)

Then, a woman who appears to be breastfeeding under a soccer shirt, threatens, in French, “And if you disagree …”

And this is when the little boy gives us Cantona’s “au revoir” line before kicking a ball out of a soccer stadium, presumably because that’s what happens to the ignorant soccer hooligan. He gets kicked out for raging against gay men kissing or French ladies breastfeeding or somesuch. Later, a referee wearing a hijab instructs us, “Leave the hate,” before narrator girl explains, “You might as well join us because no one can stop us.”

Is that last line supposed to be … inspiring? That’s what a movie villain says, like if Bane took the form of Stan Marsh’s sister. Speaking of which, was this ad actually written by the creators of South Park as an elaborate prank? It’s certainly more convincing as an aggressive parody of liberals than as a sales pitch. Why, in anything other than a comedic setup, is a woman breastfeeding in a big-budget Euro Cup ad?

It’s tempting to fall into the pro-vanguardism template the boomers have handed down to us and sheepishly say, “I must be getting old, because this seems weird to me,” but let’s get real. You dislike this ad because it sucks. You are having a natural, human response to shitty art. This a hollow sermon from a priest whose sins were in the papers. Nobody is impressed by what Nike’s doing here. Nobody thinks Nike, a multinational famous for its sweatshops, is ushering us into an enlightened utopia. Sure, most media types are afraid to criticize the ad publicly. You might inspire suspicion that what you’re secretly against is men kissing and women breastfeeding, but nobody actually likes the stupid ad. No college kid would show it to a new friend he’s trying to impress, and it’s hard to envision a massive cohort of Gen Z women giving a shit about this ad either.

Now juxtapose that ad not just against the classics of the 1990s but also the 2000s products that preceded the Great Awokening. Compare it to another Nike Euro Cup advertisement, Guy Ritchie’s “Take It to the Next Level.”

…

Here’s the problem, insofar as problems are pretended into existence by our media class: The ad is very, very male. Really, what we are watching here is a boyhood fantasy. Our protagonist gets called up to the big show, and next thing you know he’s cavorting with multiple ladies, and autographing titties to the chagrin of his date. He can be seen buying a luxury sports car and arriving at his childhood home in it as his father beams with pride. Training sessions show him either puking from exhaustion or playing grab-ass with his fellow soccer bros. This is jock life, distilled. Art works when it’s true and it’s true that this is a vivid depiction of a common fantasy realized.

Nike’s highly successful “Write the Future” ad (16,000 Likes, 257 Dislikes) works along similar themes.

…

The recent Olympic ads were especially heavy on cringe radical chic, and might have stood out less in this respect if the athletes themselves mirrored that tone on the big stage. Not so much in these Olympics. It seems as though Nike made the commercials in preparation for an explosion of telegenic activism, only to see American athletes mostly, quietly accept their medals, chomp down on the gold, and praise God or country. Perhaps you could consider Simone Biles bowing out of events due to mental health as a form of activism, but overall, the athletes basically behaved in the manner they would have back in 1996.

But Nike forged onwards anyway. This ad in celebration of the U.S. women’s basketball team made some waves, getting ripped in conservative media as the latest offense by woke capital.

…

“Today I have a presentation on dynasties,” a pink-haired teenage girl tells us. “But I refuse to talk about the ancient history and drama. That’s just the patriarchy. Instead, I’m going to talk about a dynasty that I actually look up to. An all-women dynasty. Women of color. Gay women. Women who fight for social justice. Women with a jump shot. A dynasty that makes your favorite men’s basketball, football, and baseball teams look like amateurs.”

When she says, “That’s just the patriarchy,” the camera pans to a bust of (I think) Julius Caesar. At another point, the girl says, “A dynasty that makes Alexander the Great look like Alexander the Okay.” Fuck you, Classical Antiquity. Fuck you, fans of teams. You’re all just the patriarchy. Or something.

Nike could easily sell the successful American women’s basketball team without denigrating other teams, genders and ancient Mediterranean empires that have nothing to do with this. Could but won’t. The company now conveys an almost visceral need for women to triumph over men because … well, nobody really explains why, even if it has something to do with Undecided Whaling. In Nike’s tentpole Olympics ad titled “Best Day Ever,” the narrator fantasizes about the future, declaring, “The WNBA will surpass the NBA in popularity!” ​

…

There are theories on the emergence of woke capital, with many having observed that, following Occupy Wall Street, media institutions ramped up on census category grievance. The thinking goes that, in response to the threat of a real economic revolution, the power players in our society pushed identity politics to undermine group solidarity. Well, that was a fiendishly brilliant plan, if anyone actually hatched it.

I’m not so convinced, though, as I’m more inclined to believe that a lot of history happens by happenstance. If we’re to specifically analyze the Nike Awokening, there is a recent top-down element of a mandate for Undecided Whaling, but that mandate was preceded by a socially conscious middle class campaign within the company.

This isn’t unique to Nike, either. Given my past life covering the team that tech moguls root for, I’ve run into such people. They aren’t, by and large, ideological. Very few are messianically devoted to seeing the world through the intersectionality lens. They are, however, terrified of their employees who feel this way. The mid-tier labor force, this cohort who actually internalized their university teachings, are full of fervor and willing to risk burned bridges in favor of causes they deem righteous. The big bosses just don’t want a headline-making walkout on their hands, so they placate and mollify, eventually bending the company’s voice into language of righteousness.

…

All the guilt and atonement transference make for bad art. And so the ads suck. There’s no Machiavellian conspiracy behind the production. It’s just a combination of desperately wanting female market share and desperately wanting to move on from the publicized sins of a masculine past. So, to message its ambitions, the exhausted corporation leans on the employees with the loudest answers.

There’s a lot of interplay between Nike and Wieden+Kennedy when the former asks the latter for a type of ad, but the through line from both sides is a lot of cooks in the kitchen. Based on conversations with people who’ve worked in both environments, there’s a dearth of personnel who are deeply connected to sports. In place of a grounding in a subculture, you’re getting ideas from folks who went to nice colleges and trendy ad schools, the type of people who throw words like “patriarchy” at the screen to celebrate a gold medal victory. The older leaders, uneasy in their station and thus obsessed with looking cutting edge, lean on the younger types because the youth are confident. Unfortunately, that confidence is rooted in an ability to regurgitate liturgy, rather than generative genius. They’ve a mandate to replace a marred past, which they leap at, but they’re incapable of inventing a better future.

…

Ironically, Nike mattered a lot more in the days when its position was less dominant. Back when it had to really fight for market share, it made bold, genre-altering art. The ads were synonymous with masculine victory, plus they were cheekily irreverent. And so the dudes loved them. Today, Nike is something else. It LARPs as a grandiose feminist nonprofit as it floats aimlessly on the vessel Michael Jordan built long ago. Like Jordan himself, Nike is rich forever off what it can replicate never. Unlike Jordan, it now wishes to be known for anything but its triumphs. Nike once told a story and that story resonated with its audience. Now it’s decided that its audience is the problem. It wouldn’t shock you to learn that Carlos hated the new Nike ads I texted to him. His exact words were, “I don’t want fucking activism from a sweatshop monopoly.” He’ll still buy the gear, though, just not the narrative. Nike remains, but the story about itself has run out. Au revoir. 

[somegirlsnerdywords2]

Anime i’ve Watched

That begin with a G (Part 2)!

Yep this is how i’m going to bring over all the anime and manga i’ve watched and posted about on the old blog. It’s not so detailed but it will have to do. Anything new I watch or read from this point on will have their own posts.

Genshiken:

Genres: slice of life, comedy, parody 

Synopsis:  Kanji Sasahara is an introverted college freshman just looking for a place to fit in. One day, he happens to stumble upon the club known as the Society for the Study of Modern Visual Culture—otherwise known as Genshiken—that serves to bring the full spectrum of otaku culture together. His first visit to the club, however, does not end well as Sasahara's pride is crushed by his senior, Harunobu Madarame, and he leaves the meeting in full denial of his otaku nature. However, after befriending club member Makoto Kousaka, who turns out to be a hardcore otaku despite his looks, Sasahara becomes more involved with club activities which include obsessing over their favorite anime, reading doujinshi, and attending conventions. There, he meets other interesting people like Kousaka's vehemently non-otaku girlfriend Saki Kasukabe, who strives to turn her boyfriend into a "normal guy." While Saki struggles to understand otaku culture and her boyfriend's love for it, Sasahara finds himself enjoying his time at Genshiken, gradually shedding any denial he once had about being an otaku and immersing himself in an otaku lifestyle. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 8/10

Finished airing in 2004 with a total of 12 episodes. 

My Thoughts: Slice of life featuring tons of nerdy goodness and a cast of interesting characters! I can’t really do this one justice with words but it’s something a bit different from most and is an enjoyable ride from beginning to end. 

Genshiken 2:

genres: comedy, parody, slice of life

Synopsis: The Society for the Study of Modern Visual Culture, otherwise known as Genshiken, is now under the charge of a more confident Sasahara. Things have changed in between semesters, and the otaku club now has a new otaku-hating member named Ogiue. Sasahara's initial goal of starting a doujin circle and selling those fan-made magazines at the next Comic Festival becomes a reality, but reality is a cruel master... who apparently crossplays. Afterward, the club is abuzz with talk about Tanaka and Ohno's relationship, which takes a hesitant step forward. (Source: Media Blasters)

My Rating: 9/10

Finished airing in 2007 with a total of 12 episodes. 

My Thoughts: A few new characters and some of the old. Otaku club life continues in this anime about anime/ manga fans. You loved the first season, you’ll love this one as well.... maybe even more! 

Genshiken Nidaime:

Genres: slice of life, comedy, parody 

Synopsis:  Another college semester begins and the returning members of Genshiken attempt to recruit new club members. Three new members join the club, attracted by Ogiue's BL drawings. She welcomes the new members but fears the club will become a "fujoshi" haven for yaoi fans and is getting a bit too far removed from its original purpose. (Source: ANN)

My Rating: 10/10

Finished airing in 2013 with a total of 13 episodes. 

My Thoughts: The university/ college setting for this anime really is a breath of fresh air.... all those animes set in High School get rather tiresome after awhile.  Anywho, Genshiken is back! This time with a cast of mostly new characters. Yet somehow it still retains all that goodness from the first two seasons. Season three is actually even better in my opinion! I have the first omnibus of this manga... perhaps I should finally get around to reading it. If you checked out the first two seasons of this title then you’re sure to check out the last. Enjoy!

Gin no Saji (Silver Spoon):

Genres: comedy, school, shounen, slice of life

Synopsis: Yuugo Hachiken is studious, hard-working, and tired of trying to live up to expectations he just cannot meet. With the ushering in of a brand new school year, he decides to enrol in Ooezo Agricultural High School, a boarding school located in the Hokkaido countryside, as a means to escape from the stress brought upon by his parents. Initially convinced that he would do well at this institution, Hachiken is quickly proven wrong by his talented classmates, individuals who have been living on farms their entire lives and know just about everything when it comes to food, vegetables, and even the physiology of livestock! Whether it be waking up at five in the morning for strenuous labor or to take care of farm animals, Hachiken is a complete amateur when it comes to the harsh agricultural life. Gin no Saji follows the comedic story of a young student as he tries to fit into a completely new environment, meeting many unique people along the way. As he struggles to appreciate his surroundings, Hachiken hopes to discover his dreams, so that he may lead a fulfilling life on his own terms. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 9/10

Finished airing in 2013 with a total of 11 episodes. 

My Thoughts: I sure do watch a few rather unique anime it would seem... Plenty of delicious looking animated food and a story that follows the lives of a handful of characters attending an agricultural high school. I know, I know we’re back in the high school setting but this one is rather unique, as are a number of the issues brought up and addressed in this series. A great show for if you’re looking for a slice of life series that’s a little off the norm. 

Gin no Saji 2nd Season (Silver Spoon 2nd Season):

Genres: comedy, school, shounen, slice of life

Synopsis: As the new semester begins at Ooezo Agricultural High School, Hachiken is now used to the tough lifestyle of a rural, agricultural high school. While Hachiken still wonders what he will do in the future, he continues to discover both the harsh and the beautiful realities of the countryside. (Source: ANN)

My Rating: 8/10

Finished airing in 2014 with 11 episodes. 

My Thoughts: A bit of charm from the first season seems to have been lost but still an enjoyable series overall. A must watch if you decided to give the first season a try! 

[curious-minx]

Bob’s Burgers most reliable holiday  provides another lowkey enjoyable, but messy episode. Whereas the latest Simpsons strikes a really sore vocal node.

The second holiday episode of Bob’s Burgers’ 11th season, much like the previous Halloween episode, this one also fails to live up to the series’ even higher Thanksgiving standard

 That’s not to say “Diarrhea of a Poopy Kid” is not a good episode, but it does fall into the category of Bob’s Burgers episode I typically respond to the least: Character-based storytelling vignettes. The writing on these segment driven episodes tend to be looser and  playful bending the show’s reality, but much like every time the other Fox family leaves the Springfield plane of reality into a pastiche styled playground for the writers to plug the characters into.

The overall animation and visual-based gags on this episode offers some of the best moments of the season and series in general. Having the Belcher stories revolve around action movie pastiches of 90’s action movie schlock like Air Force Once, Armageddon, and late 80’s Predator  are extremely punny and really grasping hard for satire. The walk to Louise’s Breadator is succinct and makes total sense for Louise’s character to tell this kind of story, whereas Tina drawing inspiration from Air Force One for her story sags the episode down. This episode also has the gall to bring in Gayle, a character that usually elevates all of her episodes nothing much to do until the third and best segment told by Bob. Teddie is also frustratingly nowhere to be seen and Teddie is one of those characters that really only needs a small scene explaining away  his absence like in the episode “Gayle Makin’ Bob Sled,” which Variety and I consider to be among the best of Bob’s Thanksgiving episodes. 

Nitpicks and reminiscing on past glories aside, what’s most impressive about an episode as conceptual and overstuffed as this one, an episode that’s also poopy and gross-out from the very beginning, still manages to pack undeniable heart. Seeing a character as relatable and sad sack-y as Bob Belcher be passionate about his one favorite holiday reminds me of the everlasting and evergreen Ray Bradbury remark about how everyone is capable of writing poetry as long as you ask them to talk about something they are truly passionate about. Seeing how this episode climax revolves around Gene and Bob’s love of food and proves a powerful sentimental moment. Bob’s Burgers sentimentality works because the show’s core is silly absurdism, light and fluffy gross out gags and quirky twee-ness. Introducing the action movie element feels like the series trying to branch out its audience and try to catch some eyeballs of viewers looking for something more like Archer, American Dad, Rick and Morty, or even Treehouse of Horror style genre exercises.  Bob’s Burgers and action comedy feels like putting garlic pesto on cinnamon toast, but Ryan Reynolds doesn’t think so.

Yes, that’s right. The biggest news out of the Bob’s Burgers camp…probably ever…is that the Molyneux sisters, the writers of this very action packed episode, have been hand selected by Mr. Detective “VanWilder” Pickachu himself to be head writers on the upcoming third Deadpool movie. Seeing that we live in a post Russo brothers world and how Dan Harmon was conscripted to punch up Doctor Strange scripts none of this should really surprise me, but I am still very much surprised by this development. The Deadpool 3 creative team and Reynolds is still promising to deliver an R-Rated Comedy, a rating and promise that is very much why Deadpool is the sensation that it is. 

In the current media landscape the only way a big budget R-Rated comedy can get made is if it’s attached to something like a mega superhero sized brand. At this point in time Deadpool is the closest thing kids have to a Mel or Al Brooks and it is what it is. If anything Ryan Reynolds personally choosing the Molyneux sisters for a project like this makes me like Ryan Reynolds a little bit more. And he’s a man I previously had no real feelings or opinions about. The only other thing about Deadpool I know about is that the franchise has developed a particularly shitty reputation in terms of its treatment of main female characters and literally freezing them out of the plot. The future of comedy is being driven by the significant increase of women gaining these kind of writing gigs and it’s a beautiful thing to finally see witness. Especially when a company like Netflix has been really shitty to both of its own female driven comedies: Glow and Tucca and Bertie.

Sigh. I am thankful for all the sad little boys and girls wearing too much or maybe the right amount of eye shadow that will inherit this flaming Earth.

Three and half pear shaped pals out of an Oedipus Rex Complex. 

////

Nerds! Nothing but a lousy rotten sniveling dweeb! You dorkus-rex! You body pillow huffing geek get over here and let the Simpsons set some things straight for you: A Comic Book Guy driven episode of the Simpsons is often where the show goes off the rails. The Comic Book Guy marriage episode is was one of those late day Simpsons that feel like a bad piece of dreamed up fan fiction that you found on the cutting room floor. Is the show interested at all with the fact that comics and being nerdy have become as mainstream as the Bible? No? They’re still treating geek culture as some sort of low hanging piñata fruit lousy with cheap references in place of actual jokes? Good! I don’t know why I would ever allow myself to think for a second that the Simpsons would challenge its own status quo 32 seasons in, but I keep coming back. 

What I should really do is back up. The title of this episode is “Three Dreams Denied.” Ah, Dream Denial! That’s exactly what anyone watching an animated sitcom hopes for: dreams being crushed. This isn’t some kiddy Davy and Goliath feel good wholesome fable, this is the Simpsons where characters are given dreams, and those dreams get denied. The next part of the title I want to break down is the fact that there are specifically three dreams that being denied. Three! That’s a comedy number! As long as you have three of anything you’re doing comedy. Plain and simple.

During the Robert Zemeicks arc of the Blank Check podcast Griffin Newman, co-host and comedian extraordinaire and someone I generally admire a lot, has been bringing up the fact that he’s been spending a lot of his Quarantine rewatching the entirety of the Simpsons. By the episode of Used Cars Newman has already gotten past the Movie era and is in the 20th seasons. One observation he made about later day Simpsons is that these episodes have a tendency to end abruptly on a pile of unusable and reality bending plots still in the process of tying themselves up. And there’s no better/worse example of this than this episode. 

Comic Book Guy goes to a comic book convention. Bart becomes a voice actor after befriending the comic book guy’s temporary replacement. Lisa feuds over her saxophone chair in the school orchestra with a new pretty boy voiced by the underwhelming Ben Platt. One of these plots is not like the other. This used to be the signature of a quality Simpsons episode that managed to tweak and divert expectations from the typical A & B sitcom storylines. This episode fundamentally fails to deliver on any of the three storylines and what makes it worse is that it’s an intentional choice. 

Now I know I have spent this review harping on Comic Book Guy, but he’s not even why this episode for me is such an abomination. And it’s not because the cutesy, flimsy Lisa subplot either (although I do find it noxiously amusing that a week after an Yeardely Smith took issue with the Queer Interpretation of Lisa would feature her going moony eyed over a boy voiced by a defiantly queer actor), no, what tips this episode into the territory of the truly terrible for me is the Bart becomes a voice actor subplot. 

The only defining quality of season 32 that I can discern is that the flagrant trolling on behalf of the writers. Can you believe we had three vignette driven episodes of the Simpsons in a row? Can you believe we would have meta reality breaking voice actor related moments back to back? When Lisa Simpson’s voice actor Yeardley Smith voiced the real world character of herself in the previous Podcast based episode it was clumsy and awkward as hell. Having Bart become a voice actor that ends up voicing a character of the opposite gender is the sort of kind of a funny thing that resembles a joke that the latter day Simpsons revel in. The characterization of voice acting work in this episode is downright insulting and explains exactly why this show suffers. 

The character of Phil that serves as the Comic Book Guy’s replacement is a working voice actor. He let’s Bart know this by doing a series of completely basic, broad and unremarkable impersonations that Bart is seemingly impressed by. All you have to do to become a successful voice actor is do a silly voice and you’re golden. Maybe from the perspective of a series as lazy and indulgent as the Simpsons is when it comes to voice acting. The complete denial of Julie Kavner’s deteriorating voice that at this point sounds like gentle elder abuse. There are times when Kavner is downright incomprehensible at times. The other oldest member of the Simpsons voice talent, Harry Shearer was wrongheadedly trying to defend his right to voice Characters of Colors because  in his words, “the job of the voice actor is to play someone who they’re not.” Obviously these words were not spoken by someone that thinks very highly of acting either. There is no one job an actor has to do, because the job  of an actor is always changing from job to job. The character of Phil is not even attributed to anyone! I have spent over thirty minutes getting testy with IMDB search engines and reading another website’s recap and no one can tell me who did the voice of the Voice Acting Character on Simpsons. Lovely.

Much like the Comic Book Guy the Simpsons heart is in bad shape. This is a show whose entire existence seems to be made out of spite. Or to garner enough funds for Matt Groening to prevent him from ever having to serve any prison time for his exploits on the Lolita express. Great, see I’m bringing up the Lolita Express at the end of a Simpsons review. This episode really left me in a bad mood, but thankfully that’s what Bob’s Burgers is for. 

SKIP. The only people that should watch this are people teaching a screenwriting class that need examples of what happens when you break your episode by haphazardly shoving three plots into one episode. If you can’t tie up one story in a satisfying manner then you really shouldn’t be telling a story at all. There’s also one really magnificent visual joke involving Homer and beer tea that is absolutely wasted on this episode.

[bonnie-barstow-of-flag]

The Not So Lonesome Knight Part 16:

Parts 1 X, 2 X , 3 X , 4 X, 5 X , 6 X , 7 X, 8 X, 9 X 10 X, 11 X , 12 X, 13 X ,14 X, 15 X  

Michael���s azure hues dazzle, vibrant in their appearance, as he contemplates the idea of Bonnie being turned into a robot. The imaginings were largely inspired by Rc3′s earlier commentary. If he tried hard enough, he could picture the wires, cords, and computer chips strung expertly together to make up her perfect body. Maybe, Rc3 wasn’t that far off? What else could account for Dr. Barstow’s expansive intelligence? Knight humorously considers, lathering the motel’s conditioner through the dark coils of his hair.

Helios and the Foundation both knew that Bonnie possessed an elite mind. Unfortunately, the one particular section of Helios that had taken interest in her happened to be corrupt with criminals. That was entirely beside the point.  All Michael could do, was chalk the incident up to another time where he almost lost her. Internally, he was beginning to despise the word ‘almost’. It implied an inability to fully grasp what he so desired all-the-while, maintaining that she could still leave. If he waited too long, he could blink and she’d be gone again.  This thought alone causes his eyes to dull with hints of sadness.

Kitt was right to label him a coward. A coward who is constantly hiding his true feelings behind nearly impenetrable facades, Michael thinks to himself. He could blame it on the metal implant in his head, his time working in Intelligence, or even his life-times worth of trauma, and the number of losses he suffered. Heck, Michael could honestly apply just about a trillion more excuses but he doesn’t.

He lets a torrent of cold water followed by warm, rinse over all of his features, washing away his dour line of thinking. One day, he should free himself of the tethers of fear and dread that conspired to keep him and Bonnie apart forever.

Would he ever get a better opportunity to tell her than tonight? Michael ponders as he towels himself off and re-dresses. He can’t. He won’t! There has to be a better time, a better place than a motel, and a more convenient opportunity. He didn’t even have roses to assist his effort to woo her. Casting a wistful glance in the mirror, he reminds himself just how short he would always fall on the scale of measuring up to what Bonnie deserves.

In his departure of the bathroom, he finds himself greeted by the hums of the television which, was now turned on and casting it’s ethereal glow throughout the darkened room. Michael finds himself staring at Bonnie again. He can’t help it. She looked spectacular bathed in the luminosity radiating from the tv. Every one of her features seemed infinitely softened to the point of angelic glory under it’s careless caress. Even the look of determination she sported upon her countenance melted. From his observations, Michael gathers that she was multi-tasking, the way she always did when there were too many things burdening her mind.

Michael slings his towel around his neck like a decorative scarf, though neither end meets or crosses, as he strides across the room. After several minutes of silent observation, curiosity gets the better of him. “Whattacha workin’ on there, Bons?”

Turquoise hues begrudgingly lift upwards, departing from the pages of her splayed open notebook. The pages are jammed full of fresh equations, side-notes, and scribbled addendums. Bonnie had been working on adding more when he interrupted. Michael looked as shiny as a brand new penny with his damp mop of curls. The smile that accompanies his inquiry encourages her to answer. “I was...” Bonnie starts, praying he didn’t find her too nerdy to be attractive, “working on the coding mechanisms for the Foundation. Since some of the systems have been compromised, I’m working on making security-related improvements. I can’t really do too much without the computer physically in front of me, but this will give me ideas on what to try first.” She invitingly pats the opposite side of the mattress for him to sit down.

Michael can’t help but be impressed and his eyebrows elevate as he listens to her. “Ya mean all that jibberish is the code that will protect the Foundation?” He can hardly mask the surprise in his own inquiry as he seats himself beside her.

The brunette cocks her head casually to the side, stifling a soft laugh. Her eyes can’t help but dance with light as they focus on him.“Well, it is really a prototype of the code.” She should have known, that to his untrained eye, it would be interpreted as the equivalent of a foreign language filled with indiscernible hieroglyphics. Never one to excessively flaunt her intelligence, Bonnie slid the notebook closed and placed it and her pencil on the nightstand beside the bed.

Chewing the corner of her lip briefly, she adds, “and I was watching this show. I hate to say it, but they’re doing the repairs on that truck wrong.” Her gaze flashes towards the motion on the screen. Realizing that this made her sound overly critical, she tacks on, “not even terrible modifications are done that way. It is not only a fire hazard, but it is a good way to lose mechanical control on the road when you hit anything above fifty miles-per-hour.” She would have delved further into the complicated explanation but she really didn’t want to right now. “Feel free to change the channel to something better. I really stopped watching it intently about ten minutes ago when he started to cross the wrong wires.” She confides, slumping back against the pillows behind her.

Normally, Michael would hazard a guess at where the show’s mechanic went wrong but he doesn’t want to appear dim-witted, in her eyes, should his assumption be incorrect. So he willingly lets her remark evaporate into the air around him. He follows her lead, flopping back against pillows that rested against the bed’s headboard. He gleefully takes up the remote as he makes himself comfortable beside her. “What do ya wanna watch?”

“Anything but that last show and the news,” she answers with a half scrunched up nose.

Those requests were easy enough to abide by. He settles for something that appears to be a romantic comedy. It was hard to tell for certain if that was exactly what he landed upon because the movie was half-way through. Most women loved the silly Hallmark romances, right? Where could he go wrong? However, Bonnie wasn’t just any woman, so he studies her in order to gauge her reaction to his selection. To his pleasant surprise, she not only smiles, she hands him the champagne bottle.

“We might as well enjoy it since it’s free,” Bonnie offers. The way she said it, felt lame as it steamrolls passed her lips. The statement felt duller than she intended. Bonnie wanted to say something more meaningful, more intimate but that would be wrong. Wouldn’t it? He remains forbidden fruit.

Michael doesn’t even seem to notice the lackluster capacity of her suggestion. He cheerfully opens the bottle and pours them both a glass. They were certainly responsible adults. “So, what are we toastin’ to?” After a thoughtful pause, he jokingly adds, “and please don’t say this room or Devon.”

As strange as it might sound when Bonnie passed him the bottle, she hadn’t considered the idea that there would be a toast worth giving. At least, not one that should be shared between co-workers. She runs her pointer-finger slowly across her lower-lip giving herself time to think of something. Work. It was the safest of all of their options given their present predicament. Although, in her heart, she would prefer toasting to this night together. “How about a toast to us?” She eagerly proposes, her turquoise orbs hesitantly floating over to examine him.

Michael chokes in astonishment.“To us?” He parrots. He isn’t going to lie, he really enjoys the sound of that. It leaves so many wonderful possibilities and it swung open far too many doors.

Shifting in her place, she affirms. “Yeah. To us.” A proud smile steals across her lips. Bonnie pauses to untangle her thoughts before finally clarifying, “to us making a great team and resolving this case together.”

Leaning in, he smoothly returns, “I think I can drink to that.”

Lifting her glass the brunette breathes, “here is to us getting Kent back and rescuing the Foundation.” Of course, they hadn’t resolved the case just yet but what harm could a premature celebration be?

Setting aside their empty glasses, the two FLAG agents snuggle on top of the blankets to catch the remainder of the movie. While there are heaps of pillows around them, Bonnie opts to rest her head against Michael’s nearest shoulder. Every so often, the brunette would sneak glances up at him through the tangles of her long dark lashes. He is so close. Almost too close but she doesn’t pull away and to her surprise neither does he.

“Look at them, Michael! How do they not see it?! They are so in love and they are so perfect for each other.” She dreamily exclaims, pointing in the direction of the movie.

Michael’s azure hues snapped towards the screen the very instant she pointed. He had only been half watching the movie, the rest of his attention had been on her. He chuckles a little too loudly at her remark but the sound is edged with unusual jitters. “I don’t know.” His large hand massages the back of his neck because he is well aware that he is holding back just like the unfortunate man in the fictitious premise of the movie. “You’re right, though. It is glaringly obvious that they do belong together.” Maybe, this hadn’t been the right channel selection?

“Bonnie?” He asks, her name departing his lips in an adoring sotto voce. His gaze slowly flutters back down to her.

“Yeah?” She prompts in reply, cheating and focusing half of her attention on Michael and the other half on the movie.

He angles his head downwards and to the side slightly to get a better view of her. Swallowing sharply, he knows that this wasn’t going to be easy. There was a strong likelihood that what he is about to say will have him spending the night on the floor. Yet, he feels compelled to speak. “There is somethin’ I’ve been wantin’ to tell you.” Michael starts, his brow glistening with sweat as he dares to meet her gaze.

Captivated, Bonnie concentrates fully upon him and she giddily prompts.“Oh? What is it?” Without giving him much time to impart his next statement she interjects “wait. Let me guess?” Her lips twist into a jovial grin as she speculates, “you want to tell me that your shirt is too big on me? Or I wouldn’t like a pair of your shorts because it’s got that funny hole in them?” She hardly finishes her assumptions before she falls into a fit of giggling.

“Well, yes... and no.” He starts, laughing till his chest hurt. His shirt was a little big for her. Still, Bonnie was practically killing him with the mental picture of her in more than just his shirt. However, it was ridiculous to imagine her wearing any of his pants, his shorts especially. His legs were at least a foot longer than her’s. Shaking off the useless imaginings, he tries to regain control of the more serious conversation he hoped to start. “First of all, my shirt looks it’s best when you wear it, over-sized or not. It has never looked better.” He almost suggests that she keep it, but he wonders if that is taking things a bit too far and too fast. “And unless I’m missin’ my mark here, you’ve already tried on my shorts. Haven’t you?” An air of playful accusation colors his tone. What had given away the fact she had tampered with his shorts, was the fact that they were folded differently than the way he had done them and then they were left on the bathroom sink for him when he went to take his shower.

His laughter feels like the presence of sunshine, balmy and wholly welcomed. She hadn’t been expecting his compliments and as a result, her face slowly stained red. The hilarious accusation, though it was spot-on, deepened the color to a lovely shade of plum. “Okay. So, I’m a little guilty. I was afraid you’d see too much of my legs. You don’t think I’m showing too much skin. Do you?”

Lord. Who suddenly turned the room’s temperature up a hundred degrees? So this was how it felt to be a cake in the nearly 400-degree oven. Michael’s gaze swiftly sweeps up the exposed expanse of her legs. “No.” He sharply swallows the lump of lust rising in his throat. “No, I don’t think there is too much showin’...” Heaven help him if he continued to vocalize the rest of that thought! “And I really have to tell you this or I think I just might burst.” This time his statement is firmer than he actually intended. “I...” He delicately uses his free hand to sweep some of Bonnie’s straying dark strands from her eyes before tucking them back behind her ear. He leans himself nearer until his lips are scantly a breath away from her’s. He can do this. Kitt was right! The whole fear thing was plain silly!!! He just has to rip the bandage off no matter the cost. His heart fiercely bellows out for mercy with every beat. “I....”

Bonnie smiles as he tucks her hair behind her ear, a corner of her lower-lip catches between her teeth. She has a sneaking suspicion that she knows just where this conversation is going and it terrifies her so greatly, she can feel the harsh throbbing of her heart all the way up in the hollows of her ears. The brunette can sense the lingering of his eyes upon her lips and her own gaze ventures briefly to his. If ever there were a silent, touch-less exchange of a kiss, there was one now looming in the air between them.

“I think I... lov...” He starts, his voice is huskier than he desired it to be. He was about to finish that statement when Kitt interrupts with a series of beeps.

“Michael?” Kitt innocently starts.

There is a mild explosion of exasperation in Michael’s tone when he answers, “Kitt? Can it wait? I’m in the middle of somethin’ important?!” Kitt’s timing couldn’t have been any worse not even on a bad day.

The Bostonian voice that answers holds an apologetic air, “I’m sorry, Michael. It can’t. A group of vicious-looking men are headed your way armed with guns and an battery-operated saw.”

Bonnie’s eyes round as she removes her head from Michael’s shoulder. The fact that these “armed” men were headed in their direction with guns and a saw couldn’t be a coincidence. Now could it?

The warning doesn’t come a moment too soon as a little less than a minute later their door comes crashing in, deadbolt and all.

[ofpearlesce]

so, my post about pearl from the pokemon special/adventures manga being on the spectrum got a lot of notes (for me). and that got me really thinking about the sinnoh trio as a whole and how they each seem to have this distinct lack of neurotypicality. recently i got my mom to start reading the sinnoh arc, and once she finished book 1, we sat down and had a real discussion about the way each of the trio interacts with each other and the outside world. i took away several things from this discussion, which i will share with you now.

pearl is very compelling to me when interpreted as autistic, because when broken down into his tropes, it becomes clear that he's the aspie-coded nerdy protagonist done right. now, i don't mean that he's exactly those tropes but better, but there are distinct parallels between his tropes and those commonly used in shows such as the big bang theory.

one trope like this is his lack of understanding of girls and/or femininity. most characters with this trope never grow out of it-- it's played as a running gag, and can come off especially creepy when the character is an adult. however, the way it's done in the manga, pearl unlearns this trait. he very quickly gains the experience to know that expressing certain emotions doesn't make you girly or weak or both, and it's not often brought up past book 1. something else to note is that this makes sense considering who he is and his upbringing. he's a young boy with no canonically present mother, and very little frame of reference for these things until he meets platinum.

now, in terms of interactions with diamond, something really unique surfaces. when they do their comedy routines, pearl does spell out that he uses it to communicate through rhythm. but it's not just that-- it seems to be its own sort of language, the puns, used to convey things the particpants can't get across in plain words. it's used to give hints to platinum in battle, to judge how trustworthy others are... the memory of them keeps pearl from completely losing sight of why he has to keep fighting. this dynamic (except for maybe that last part) reminds me of the way many people communicate with vine references-- these "dumb" jokes bridge any gaps they can't cross with normal words, be they situational or created by the person's social capacity.

platinum's a really interesting brand of autistic. i couldn't pinpoint why i got that feeling from her; this is because, as my friend @stygianmoondust pointed out, she's very very good at passing for nt. she's been trained for being a proper lady since day one. however, she hyperfocuses on details. the scarves are the signifier for her bodyguards and dia and pearl fit those criterium, so they MUST be the right people-- even if every other indicator says otherwise. she's also definitely got her own issues with communication, though whether this is because of her autism or her upbringing is debatable.

and with dia... dia is the character i share the most traits with, even if i'm more attached to pearl. a strong sense of justice, and of empathy, is extremely prevalent in dia. his reactions, when he has them, are intense. that much is clear. not to mention his special interest in pro team omega and cooking, as well as the aforementioned comedy-routine-as-communication thing. he's a boy who feels so much all the time that he circles back to excessive calm.

long post short: the sinnoh trio is autistic and there's nothing you can do about it

[nerdieforpedro]

Day Twenty One - Shiny

Word Count: 1046 (I had them talk too much 👀)

Warnings: Javier Peña’s introspection featuring bad jokes (not even Javier Peña is safe from Nerdie’s “brand” of comedy - might be offensive to call a brand lol)

Notes: I didn’t mean to try and make this funny. I was going for cute, and I don’t know how to make Javier Peña cute because he smolders too much so this is where we are today.

Main Masterlist / March Spring Prompts 2024 / Writing Challenges

The lake had become Javier’s refuge. A place of quiet reflection before work early in the morning, midday for a lunch break and in the evenings. The days were getting longer so now he could watch the sun cast the hues of the sky so the water could reflect them. Occasionally, his deputy would stop by at first, but he feels like he intimidated them with his presence when he didn’t intend to. Now they do not anymore.

Javier Peña finds himself in a curious situation. He’s either attracting unwanted attention from some women he has previously said no to or those he knew were just a bad idea or he couldn’t quite get the hang of the inner office workings of the sheriff’s department. Used to being able to find a place for himself within even dire circumstances was a skill that had served him well since childhood. Feeling like an outsider in a place he called home was eating away at him. He wasn’t exactly sure how to fix it.

It was a clear spring afternoon and he was contemplating this issue once again on his drive out to the lake. He happened to see another vehicle, a small red box of a car, parked near the lone tree he normally did when he came here. At first he didn’t see anyone when he got out, so maybe they were just sitting in the car or something, but he heard the person before seeing them. The light jangle was a sound he didn’t expect to hear outside of the courthouse. Getting out of his truck, he spied a familiar silhouette with a black pencil skirt and a white blouse. Upon hearing the crunch of the dress under his feet, the woman turned and waved. Surprised but friendly like always, the shiny charms from the bracelet on her left arm shimmering as the sun hit it.

“Good afternoon. Didn’t expect to see you here sheriff. How are you?”

“Alright, how about yourself? I didn’t peg you for an outdoors type. Especially in your work clothes.” That earned a light chuckle as she turned back to face the water.

“I pass by this place on the way home from work. Thought I’d actually get out of the car and look at it for once. Doesn’t hurt to do that from time to time.”

“No it doesn’t.”

A few minutes pass as they both look at the water feeling the breeze as it skirts the surface of the lake.

“You’re not going to ask me why I’m out here Thalia? I thought you would.”

“I’m curious but it’s your business Javier. Your admirers shouldn’t come out this far.” Peña was the one to laugh this time, his hands graced his hips with a smirk to match.

“Please don’t tell me that’s what you think of me too. I’m a lot more than just that.” Thalia looked up at Javier and removed his yellow aviators he often wore when out and about. Matched his light and dark brown uniform well.

“You sure that’s not what you think of yourself? You seem to be in hiding. Well not only from those crazed horny ladies, but from other things.” She folded the and tucked them into one of his shirt pockets on his chest, patting it. “The sheriff I know isn’t afraid of much, maybe his dad and pickles.”

“That’s a low blow Thalia. And I just dislike them. Not afraid. I’m not hiding from anything or anyone I just…” Javier’s voice trailed off, was it just the office stuff bothering him? The adjustment from being home or everything else? Could be anything, nothing he wanted to think or talk about right now. He peered at her bracelet then noticed something on her sleeve. “What is that? Are you the one in hiding with that red stain? I’m not going to need to take you in am I?” His head tilted and with an eyebrow raised, Peña’s question made Thalia sigh.

“Not unless you’re going to book a broken jar of strawberry jam.”

“I was going to be shocked if you didn’t mention some sort of spill or mishap. You need one of those gown or smock things.” His hands waved up and down his torso and arms. Her eye rolled as she shook her head.

“Thanks for the empathy Javier.”

“Anytime cariño (dear). Call me Javi.”

“Should I? I not sure about that. What will the people say?” Placing a hand on her chest, Thalia gave a fake exasperated look. “Such a scandal!”

“Whatever you say, I’m no stranger to them. You’re not as funny as you think Thalia.” Javier crossed his arms, listening to the trees rustle. When was the last time he just joked around with someone? Not since Steve and Connie in Florida.

“I don’t need to make anyone else laugh but myself and since I have an audience of one, my jokes always hit.” Thalia’s smile softened as she watched Javier, his shoulders seemed relaxed. Whenever she’d seen him he was usually on edge, this was a good look for him. She rocked on the balls of her feet for a few minutes, then worked up the nerve to ask. “You wanna get some something to eat? Like some barbecue? I’m in the mood for ribs.”

“I don’t know. Is your blouse going to be safe from the sauce? Maybe a burger and fries? You’ll still need a smock either way.” Thalia pinched his arm and Javier grabbed it, making his arm go limp. “You’ve assaulted an officer of the law!”

“I’ll pay for dinner for the wounded sheriff. I’m getting in the car, you’re welcome to work yourself back over to your truck. Come by Big Sal’s if you wanna eat.” Walking toward her car, Peña followed her and opened her door after she unlocked it. She hopped in with a grin, Javi close her door and started back to his truck. She kept an eye on him to make sure he got in the truck alright - another joke she told herself. Starting up her car, she pulled off as Javier followed.

Maybe he did manage to connect with someone else since being back home, it just wasn’t who he thought it would be.

[aquaquadrant]

WE HAVE BROADWAY STARS IN THE SHOW WHY ISN’T THERE AN ACTOR AU YET HOLY CRAP

THAT’S…. A VERY GOOD POINT. never fear! here’s what i’m thinking:

ACTOR AU

rapunzel: a young breakout actress, brand new to the film industry; no esteemed acting school, no experience, no connections. and yet her debut was a smashing success, a big-name director taking a chance on a no-name leading lady (after she totally nailed the audition) for a critically acclaimed drama. she’s now one of the most sought after actresses in the industry. very shocked by her success, gives practically everything away to charity after making sure the people who work for her are well-taken care of.

eugene: started out as a child acting in commercials, landed a long-time gig in a family-style sitcom where he grew into the country’s golden boy. after the series ended, and he was no longer a child, he started getting roles in blockbuster films and it never quite stopped. has a wide range; action movies, thrillers, romantic dramas, romantic comedies. the perfect leading man. does his own stunts.

cassandra: highly skilled stunt double, one of the best in the business, who has finally decided to break into acting herself, starting with independent films. hates actors who brag about doing their own stunts because some people are trying to make a living out of this, thank you, and you’ll get a massive paycheck whether you do the stunt or not.

varian: a child actor, got his start on broadway. probably played les in newsies, tbh. certifiably a genius, so schooling isn’t an issue for him (don’t let him touch any of the equipment, tho). very compelling actor, is frequently employed in horror/thrillers. he’s that kid in an R-rated movie who isn’t old enough to watch the finished product, lmao. has never been a ‘disney channel kid’ and would be offended at the implication. he’s an artist, mind you. (don’t be fooled, he’s still just a big old nerdy dork). also, eugene’s role as dashing rogue flynn rider inspired him to become an actor, a fact that makes eugene feel really old when it’s brought up, haha.

lance: big action hero star, but doesn’t take himself too seriously. takes lots of roles in family friendly movies to broaden his appeal. essentially, dwayne the rock johnson. also, totally went to juilliard. takes iconic costumes/props home with him just cause he can (not if it would cause serious problems for someone, of course, just stuff that he’s technically not supposed to have for dumb copyright purposes but nothing comes of it).

they’ve all probably met each other at some point, whether they were working together or at an award show. eugene and lance definitely did a war movie or two together. cassandra stunted for rapunzel’s debut movie. but when they all get picked up for a highly anticipated new TV series, an adaptation of a super popular medieval fantasy book series, they start to build relationships that go beyond co-stars.

rapunzel and eugene fall in love, of course, and varian gets like, four new parental figures to look out for him. especially when he has his mental breakdown after an accident puts his dad in a coma :( they’d become this tight-knit family, each helping each other out with their own personal struggles and family drama, and forming bonds that last them well beyond the length of their TV show.

(and they all have musical theater backgrounds/training, cause let’s face it, they all sing really well)

[justinelong-indiefilms]

Coming of Age in the New Generation: Independent Young Adult Films in the 2010s

FILM FESTIVAL LINEUP

       High school is a hard struggle that everyone can relate to. The teenage years have been a popular theme in film for a long time from The Breakfast Club, to 13 going on 30, audiences know the stereotypical characters and plotlines that come with the trope of a coming-of-age movie. Back in the 1980s and 1990s, indie movies that dealt with teenagers focused on sex and aspects of exploitation films. This is what was selling at the time and it worked, but as people and society changed, so did the independent film industry. Coming of age cinema in the 2000s dealt with new challenges that came with being a young adult in the newest age. Four films that capture the essence of it are Edge of Seventeen (2016), Booksmart (2019), Bling Ring (2013), and Me, Earl, and The Dying Girl (2015). These stories have their own loveable characters and quirky moments, but they all share some common themes. These indie projects focus on the rise of social media and how an online space can ruin relationships and reputations. They also emphasize the social hierarchy and constant anxiety of partying, fitting in, and making friends. Finally, even though there are some differences, they still pay tribute to those blockbusters coming of age movies we all know and love. Independent films combine some Hollywood themes with specific characters and some more darker ideas. This creates a more relatable world for teenagers across the country.

           Edge of Seventeen (2016)

     This movie follows Nadine, a 17-year-old struggling to get through high school after losing all her friends and having family issues. She also gets herself in trouble by accidently posting on social media about her fellow students. The movie touches on suicide, mental illness, and how a lot of people are tone deaf about the subjects. One review from The Guardian said that “it’s depressingly rare for a director to look beyond the teenager as a highly marketable brand and convincingly tap into the mess of insecurities, contradictions and swirling, unfocused surges of anger” (theguardian.com). I really connected with this movie and thought it was sensitive to the complicated topics at hand but paired with loveable characters. There were also great cinematic techniques overall.

        Booksmart (2019)

         Olivia Wilde’s directing debut became an instant classic once it hit theatres. It follows two best friends who have followed the rules and lived by the books ever since they were kids. As graduation approaches, they feel like they should explore the rebellious side of high school and take after their peers. The plot development involves them figuring out their sexuality, drinking and drugs and overall finding themselves. A review at the time said that “it’s adorned with verbal whimsy and brought to life by a vibrant cast but its substance is scantly developed, it’s clear and simple premise dismayingly oversimplified” (Brody, 2019).

Bling Ring (2013)

          With this film, A24 took a bunch of young Hollywood actors (Emma Watson, Israel Broussard, etc.) and put them in a crazy storyline that was based on a true story. This movie is centered around a group of teens who find secretive ways to break into celebrities’ houses and steal money, jewelry, and anything they can get their hands on. They feel like they are on top of the world and get an adrenaline rush from not getting caught by the police or pretending they are on the “elite” side of society. The director wanted to highlight “not the paralysis of having more than you could possibly want, but rather about the addictive thrills of wanting what you can’t quite have and trying to get it” (Scott, 2013). This ties into the part of coming of age where mistakes are made and sometimes, they could affect your future.

 Me, Earl, and the Dying Girl (2015)

        This movie stars a lonely, nerdy guy in high school named Greg (a common theme by now) who finds out that a girl he knows, Rachel, was diagnosed with Leukemia. They soon create a trio with their friend Earl and try to cheer up Rachel during her treatment. It is a witty, heartwarming film that also pokes fun at the cheesy teen rom coms mentioned before in the intro. The boys are young filmmakers and decide to create a home movie made dedicated to Rachel as they try and navigate the highs and lows of how their teen years are coming to an end. Life is coming at them fast, and it is hard to handle as an 18-year-old. The film was presented at the Sundance Film Festival and had an amazing reaction from the audience. According to Rolling Stone, “it’s that sharply funny, touching, and vital” (Travers, 2018).

         I personally grew up watching and adoring films like these. Little did I know this genre was a subcategory on its own and had so much more to it than I knew. These independent movies are exposing young adults to face controversial topics and compare them to their own lives. They provide a realistic depiction of high school and going through an important stage in life with a parallel world online. I hope you have the chance to experience one, if not all, the movies in this lineup.

 SOURCES: 

 The Edge of Seventeen review – an abrasive teen you can grow to love. (2016, December 04). Retrieved May 01, 2021, from https://www.theguardian.com/film/2016/dec/04/the-edge-of-seventeen-abrasive-teen-you-can-love

Brody, R. (n.d.). "Booksmart," reviewed: Olivia WILDE'S Toothless teen comedy. Retrieved May 02, 2021, from https://www.newyorker.com/culture/the-front-row/booksmart-reviewed-olivia-wildes-toothless-teen-comedy

Scott, A. (2013, June 13). Twinkly totems of Fame, theirs for the taking. Retrieved May 02, 2021, from https://www.nytimes.com/2013/06/14/movies/a-bling-ring-lusting-after-celebrity-trinkets.html

[readmezayn100]

The Types of Comedy Writers That We Are Looking To Hire:

By Hannah and Zayn

1) The Sociopath “LABELER”

Your sociopath theories have to always be correct more than once.

EXAMPLE: “The girl who gives up when people have better accomplishments for her and tries to act drunk when she’s sober.”

HAHA From Hannah. Too true.

2) The Actor Or Actress Who Can Improvise Characters With Spot On Imitations

EXAMPLE: The Racist Rich White Guy Who Crushes On Mixed Race Bisexual Guys More Than Gay Ones. From, Hannah.

“I took my ex-girlfriend to The Hampton’s last weekend and I hope nobody cries over my tweets that mention this. Why would anyone stalk me?” - Quote from Hannah, a JOKE. Racist and homophobic. Real bisexual guys mostly crush on any gay man they are compatible with FIRST. That doesn’t make sense...LOL. Ha ha. Good one.

3) Makes Fun Of Any College Student Who Is Female And Is Rich

“Basic”

This is for our market.

4) Reads The Classics About Government And Quotes It NERD

5) The Lawyer Who Memorizes All Types Of Laws, Every Country

This brand of humor is nerdy and for sociopaths. Thank you for reading.

From,

Hannah and Zayn, mostly.

[doubleddenden]

Too many projects

2 brothers (one grumpy genius imp with control over water and fights in high speed dual sword style, and the other a handsome comedy relief jock with control over electricity and uses a giant chain saw sword) and their friend (go getter dorky red head with a big ass magical gun that controls wind, earth and fire) are taken to another world and partner up with a pair of twins (a scientific genius with a pure heart that controls light and the physical strength o of 10 monster trucks, and a goth detective girl with sass, class, and control over a demonic suit of armor and darkness) so they can try to save the earthlings from being used as living batteries using fantasy magic and swords, including elements of mystery solving, other worldly politics, romance, and heavy emphasis on comedy and finding your place in the world while growing past your hardships. It's both the funniest and saddest project, I feel, with a lot of characters with driven personalities and flaws. Currently about to restart after an adjustment to the power system. Several old drafts that exceed 200 pages on their own.

A boy (sunshine boi, dumbass hero type) saves his best friend (rich girl from an abusive family, but very kind, sassy, and a bit of a wife friend) from monsters and is suddenly chosen by a rare, mystical sword (flaming black sword, haunted by the spirit of a sassy raven) by proving himself worthy. Now he has to travel a chain of islands with her to keep the both of them safe and to help people along the way, including learning about a world beyond their meager "earth purity" colony where they make friends with people of all kinds. Has a ton of potential for plot, as I started it 10 years ago and have huge ideas for multiple arcs, and is sort of a "coming of age" type story inspired by various animes I watched growing up. Currently have to restart as well but I also just don't touch it all that much because it's such a long term bulk. Old projects are lucky to get near or above 100 pages.

An author (timid, short, adorably chubby) gets his book rejected and he and his best friends (angry cousin that has no filter around assholes, and nerdy jock friend that was on the university baseball team) are suddenly taken to another world- the same of the author's creation where they have to try and help people as they go and try to survive the dumb monsters and situations that the author unknowingly created. Meant to be less serious and more of a comedic take on exploration and plenty of "I dunno man I didn't think that far ahead" moments. Brand new. Nothing yet.

VRMMO, a teenager (smart, quick thinker, great at games, very terrible at most other things) is suddenly involved in a case involving a high profile hypnotic terrorist that has started using the game system to force real people to do his bidding. He has to work together with online friends (college aged neighbor he has feelings for that is wild and shoots things, a shy and kind healer that has a crush on him, a rival from the competitive E-VR-Sports leagues, an older brother type with the brass, and two loveable ai scamps) and international police (said older brother type and a team that monitors the game) to try and investigate and fight this guy, and slowly discovers in game abilities leaking through to real life, and a budding, creepily alive virtual world that may not be as artificial as anyone thought. Meant to be more serious and a different take on the game story trope. I have a draft that is 150+ pages and technically a part of it is done, and I technically have an ending in sight. There's just a lot more to go until its finished, probably 2 more parts.

Space, A swordsman (stoic, chivalrous, both educated and not to the ways of the worlds) and his wizard sibling (silly, worrisome, naive and a grown small bean) from a very underdeveloped planet (circa renaissance era Earth) are suddenly wrapped up in intergalactic conflict with aliens and have to team up with space faring races to stop injustice where they go, basically utilising martial arts and magic swordsmanship or just straight up magic to try and fight high tech aliens. Meant to be more serious but I find myself laughing a bit. 140 or so pages so far, roughly 2 and a half arcs in, no real ending in sight yet.

Ghosts, a guy (telekinetic college student) has been an Esper all of his life and could always see ghosts, same as his dad (old, disabled, retired ghost hunter cowboy type, basically adopts everyone), and both live on EXTREMELY haunted property. They, with the help of a electrokinetic Esper (sassy, dorky, spazzy mentor type) neighbor and several of the guy's friends (jock best friend with ice powers, dude-bro bud with ghost deer, tall and muscular timid cinnamon roll that accidentally partnered with a grim reaper magical girl on steroids) have to fight demons and exercise ghosts from the property, and try to figure out who had made a contract with a demon to try and kill them. Meant to be a range of mystery, action, spook, and drama. Either at or near 100 pages, mostly self contained stuff.

I'm rather tempted to post some of these online somewhere, but part of me wants to get published while another part just wants a participating or interested audience. My main issue is that I keep wanting to restart one idea or work on another and now I'm at a point where I start a project and immediately get disappointed 10 pages in, whereas I'm used to pumping out 100+ pages in less than a week. Pretty sure it's just my depression and ADHD comboing on me though.

If you think you might be interested in reading one or more of these, let me know.

[thriftycritic]

Comedy Review: Jon Richardson (The Old Man gripes again) 

★ ★ ★ 

The Countdown comedian delivers his familiar, self-knowing, self-lacerating brand of exasperation 

When you pay to see a favoured TV comedian perform live for the first time there is always the risk the three dimensional reality will fail to live up to expectations. As Jon Richardson says of his own comedy, “It’s nice to see it live. If nothing else you see how well they edit on TV.” As it turns out, however, the unexpurgated, two hour, in-the-flesh version is nearly as funny.  

Thirty-four going on seventy-four, and attracting an audience demographic even wider, the tour is named after Richardson’s curmudgeonly old man persona, “...for obvious reasons. I play Countdown for a living and I wear cardigans. Full time. I’m not one of those Christmas pricks.”  

Nerdy, neurotic, needy - these are adjectives he readily applies to himself in a performance that is a kind of self-knowing, self-lacerating splurge of exasperation about anything and everything, from his wife’s vaginal health to pre-fame loserdom in Swindon to tessellated spoons in poorly loaded dishwashers. Mostly it is the little, annoying things which loom large in Richardson’s world and his material, anecdotal in nature, gravitates towards the excremental and the copulatory. There is an explosively funny ten minutes dedicated to a massive ‘superman turd’ he discovers in a public toilet, a lurid description of his wife bent over as he massages ointment into her perineum, and a riotous dissection of a Twitter comment in which he is accused of being about as funny as a ‘Yugoslavian Rapist’. Obsessive fans and enemies of Richardson alike will be interested to learn he will read anything you Tweet to him, even though this threatens to unsettle his precarious state of mind.  

Surprisingly, given the more measured tempo of his television quippery, Richardson’s delivery is breathless and rapid-fire. His endlessly digressive anecdotes come in waves and once he’s on one he rides it to exhaustion: great if you’re there alongside him but frustrating if you fall off beforehand. There are the occasional pleasing turns of phrase: “I like to live next door to retired people. They’re always in and they like signing for things” and, even in the exaltation of fatherhood, he is tyrannized by an obsessive-compulsive need for order: “I watched Peppa Pig on an odd number all day long and I said nothing!” 

If there is a danger of relentlessness and monotony in this brand of comedy, Richardson evades it by exuding a friendly charm strategically at odds with the material. This is cynicism with a cheeky smile across its face.

https://www.jonrichardsoncomedy.com/