#NoFuckingWay

[stephanebeart]

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[quenthel]

WHO wants to go to Japan with me so we can dine at the Dungeon Meshi anime café....

[c0tards--s0luti0n]

was trying to show my friend the blorbo slideshow but i FUCKING forgot to change the title card to have my deadname bc im not out to her yet and i almost got outed bY THE GOD DAMN BLORBO SLIDESHOW

[t4tezlux]

An asexual loporrit, call that Nofuckingway

[simmerdowndee]

windenburg years special: forever

Greetings from Windenburg! Theo and I have officially been here for three months. So far, I’m adjusting very well. I haven’t wanted to run back home yet, so that’s good. Theo has been doing a really good job at checking in with me and making sure I am okay.

WE BOUGHT OUR FIRST HOME! I’m so proud of Theo and I because we saved every dime, we had for the first two months we were here to be able to do this. Staying at grahams guest house was a great idea because we didn’t immediately have to pay many bills. I’m still in the process of decorating it fully, but it is a 5-bedroom home with a nice backyard/patio. We even used one of the bedrooms as an office for the both of us. Oh, look at that, only enough left to have 3/5 kids he wanted…. Bummer…..

Today, we are both off from work and spending some time at home. Theo planned a movie day and we’ve now reached the part of the day where he wants to watch scary movies. I am not a fan of scary movies and really don’t want to do this but he watched every Tim burton movie I wanted to see today, so it’s only fair.

Dakota: You picked the scariest movies to watch.

Theo: They aren’t that bad babe.

Dakota: To you.

Theo: I’m right here, and its only 6pm. It’s not even dark yet.

Dakota: But it WILL be when we finish the last one, conveniently one that will keep me up at night.

Theo: I got something that will help you sleep tonight.

Oh brother.

Dakota: *rolls eyes*

Dakota: Yeah, whatever.

(He actually isn’t wrong tho)

Anyways….

He always picks gore or demons. Why can’t we just watch slasher films? At least I know I won’t be bothered by them.

Dakota: Oh my god…..

Dakota: Oh my god please…..

*The wind rattles the front door*

Dakota: AHHHHHHHH.

Theo: *Laughs*

Dakota: It’s so funny isn’t it. Am I a joke to you?

Theo: Drama. Queen.

Theo: Here, we’ll switch sides so you aren’t scared of the door.

He’s such as dick.

Dakota: You’re such a dick.

Theo: Awh babe. Here, come closer.

Theo: Better?

Dakota: A little, I guess.

We make it through the first two movies. Apparently, the end of the second one annoyed Theo because he started yelling at the screen as if they can hear him.

Dakota: Let’s take a break before we watch the last one. Jesus.

Theo: That’s fine babe.

Theo: So, our anniversary is coming up.

Dakota: The original one?

Theo: Yes. I was thinking we could have a really nice dinner.

Dakota: That’s fine with me. Where did you wanna go?

Theo: Actually, there’s this restaurant in Selvadorada I wanted to take you to…

Dakota: As in the country………….?

Theo: Yes.

I know we’ve had some beers but he can’t be that drunk…..

Dakota: Uh….

Theo: *Laughs*

Theo: You are so cute when you're confused.

Theo: We’re going to Selvadorada for our anniversary.

NOFUCKINGWAY

Dakota: Theo, are you serious???!

Theo: Yeah, so you better figure out what you want to wear and how many wigs you plan to pack.

Not him calling me out like that.

Dakota: Ahhhh, I’m so excited babe!

Theo: I thought you’d like your gift.

Dakota: I LOVE IT. THANK YOU BABY!

Dakota: I love you.

Theo: I love you too babe.

Now, I really do need to figure out how many wigs I wanna bring…...

*Two weeks later*

Theo and I are headed to Selvadorada! He’s so excited. I don’t know if it’s because it’s the first anniversary we’ve celebrated since we got back together or if he’s just excited to go on vacation. See you when we land in Selvadorada!

[feyravenchatter]

Keith Kogane, Snake Whisperer

"How far back does this cave system go-ohhh shit, what is that?!" Lance had started halfway between an actual question mixed with complaining about how long they'd been in the caves. He'd ended with an inhuman screech.

Hunk, Pidge, and Shiro froze in place at the sight of the very large snake tucked into the recess next to the next turn in the underground cavern. Keith, however, relaxed, a slight smile on his face as he looked it over, head cocked to one side.

"Looks like a western ribbon snake, just, y'know, not," he said calmly.

"Howthefuckareyousocalm?" Lance asked, his volume far lower, but still pitched at a level that would gain the attention of every dog in a five block radius.

Hunk, Pidge, and even Shiro turned to silently stare when Keith chuckled.

"If this one's anything like the ribbon snakes I grew up around, we're fine. This guy's bigger than the ones in Texas, but it hasn't done anything, so I don't think they're that different."

The snake in question was about 6-7 feet long, and instead of the green body and orange and yellow stripes of an actual western ribbon snake, this one was a slightly iridescent deep aqua, a purple stripe running along the center of its back, two cerulean stripes on either side of it. It watched the paladins with interest, but wasn't aggressive or shying away from them. It was either Keith's impulsive nature or confidence in the snake's resemblance to an earth reptile that made him slowly approach it, ignoring the shocked gasps from his friends.

"We can't hurt anything down here!" Pidge whisper-yelled.

"Not gonna. 'S not movin' either, so think 'm safe," Keith answered, a bit of his Texas accent coming through in his concentration.

When he was a full arm's length away, he reached out slowly, the snake's tarnished gold tongue darting out, tasting the air. It stayed where it was, waiting to see what this strange creature would do. When Keith stopped, hand outstretched but not touching, the snake bridged the gap, bumping Keith with the end of its snout. When he didn't react, the snake risked getting closer, inching its body from where it had coiled on the geothermically warmed stone. While Keith didn't resemble its prey at all, he was also warm, and seemed like something it could suitably climb for a nap. The snake scaled the creature, wrapping itself around ribs and shoulders, its head resting on a coil of its own body draped over Keith's shoulder. The only reaction it got was a puff of a laugh and...head pats? This was not something the snake had ever encountered before, but decided it was not unwelcome, butting its head into Keith's hand when he stopped.

"What the fuck," Shiro whispered.

Keith turned around, his new friend settled comfortably. "Think he likes me," he said, his tone amused.

"Let's just hope it's not for dinner," Hunk said nervously.

"Nah," Keith answered, " 'M too big. Little guy like this won't hurt me."

Pidge had gone back to furiously researching on their tablet. "You're shitting me," they said, typing halted.

"What?"

"Well, for one, the artifact is in the cavern after the next one, but also, that snake is a Vurian Crystal Snake. They're rare in the wild, but 'if found and befriended, the Crystal Snake will imprint on the Vurian, the two becoming companions for life' - that's what the info I dug up says anyway."

"Huh," Keith said in an amused laugh at the same time as Lance whisper-screeched again, "Nofuckingway!"

"Y'not like snakes?" Keith asked, but then he looked up from his new scaled friend, and saw the kid-on-Christmas-morning look on Lance's face.

"They're after sharks, naturally, but I actually do," he said, calmer now that he knew the snake was friendly.

"Well, let's go get that artifact then."

~~*~~

The artifact - an ancient stone idol worshiped by the Vurians' ancestors - was easy enough to find and recover with the paladins' jet-packs, and they brought it safely back to their hosts and potential allies. The Crystal Snake, who had been identified as female and named Nyx in the hour and a half between retrieving the artifact and making it back to the capital, was still comfortably draped across Keith's shoulders when they entered the main hall to present the idol to the Archsage.

Allura was more than a little surprised to see the snake, but her reaction paled in comparison to the Vurians around them. Astonished whispers echoed through the open stone hall, soft reptilian hissing mixing with the soft rustle of their plant-like scales as they all seemed to be saying more or less the same thing.

The Archsage descended from the dais at the far end of the hall, approaching the paladins carefully. "Paladin, do you know what that creature is?" he asked, a reverence in his voice as he watched Nyx butt Keith's neck with the top of her head for pats.

He indulged her as he answered. "We believe that this is a Crystal Snake. We found her in the caves. I did approach her first, but didn't touch her until she climbed me." He glanced over at the snake with a fond smile. "She hasn't moved since."

"You are correct, that is a Crystal Snake. To find one in the wild... You have done us a great favor in retrieving our ancestral artifact, for which you have earned our gratitude and trust. But it appears that our home itself has chosen you as friends." He turned to face Allura and the rest of the hall. "Princess Allura, we asked that the paladins save one of our oldest artifacts from decay as a show of cooperation and trust. Befriending one of our most beautiful and precious creatures rises above that. We agree to join your Coalition and ask that you remain as our guests until terms can be fully decided."

"Thank you, Archsage. We would be happy to stay for as long as is needed."

The Archsage returned to the dais, discussing details of their stay with Allura. A silent signal was given to staff to show the paladins to the dignitaries' guest house, and Lance leaned in as he walked beside Keith.

"Looks like we're going to have to share our room with a snake now."

"That a problem?"

"Nah, she's too pretty." He redirected his attention to her. "And, Nyx, I'm sorry I freaked out at you at first."

Nyx raised her head, looking exactly like she was contemplating what Lance had said, before stretching in his direction. He and Keith shared a startled laugh, and he reached out, giving her the pats she'd so quickly discovered she liked, nudging her head into his hand as if to say "you're forgiven".

Allura and the paladins ended up staying an entire week. By the end, a full agreement had been reached with the Archsage of Vuria, and when they left, it was with a new ally and member of the Coalition as well as a data stick full with every possible shred of information the Vurians had on Crystal Snakes.

Nyx became something of a mascot for Team Voltron, and Pidge reprogrammed the door sensors to allow her almost total free reign of the castle. She was found mostly in the common areas, coiled on a warm surface, or burrowed under the blankets on Lance and Keith's bed. She did have to have it explained to her that the mice were not a viable food source, and she understood after investigating them thoroughly. Later, after Keith returned from the Quantum Abyss with Kosmo - she was not happy about being separated from her bonded companion - she made friends with the cosmic wolf as well, the two of them curling up together wherever they wanted.

Nyx hated the dry heat of Texas from the moment they landed at the Garrison, but when she was brought to warm, humid Cuba? Well, it was a good thing Lance and Keith had decided to settle there anyway.

[voidsentprinces]

*stands up* Behold, my asexual Loporitt: Nofuckingway.

[givemhell]

NOFUCKINGWAY

[birchtreecat]

nofuckingway THE CHECKMARKS ARE REAL?? I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A RUMOR??

do they actually stack too

[shawtymmm]

YOU CAN TEXT DREAM YOU CAN TEXT DREAM AND HE SAID MEOW GUYS HE SAID MEOW AND I TEXTED HIM SAYING HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE HIM AND THE VOICEMAIL WHEN YOU CALL HIM HOLY FUCK AND THE BIRTHDAY MESSAGE YOU GET WHEN ITS UR BIRTHDAY??? STOP STOP STOP IM ACTUALLY IN LOVE WITH HIM STOP IT LEAVE ME BE I CANT GO TO BED KNOWING I TEXTED DREAM BUT HE PROLLY AINT GONNA RESPOND TO MY WEIRD ASS BUT I FEEL SO HAPPY FOR THE PEOPLE HE RESPONDED TO CAUSE THERES ALOT OF PEOPLE HE TEXTED BACK AND SOME ARE ASKING HIM ABOUT GEORGE SKDMDMD

[amanwithvanishingideas]

Instagram

Please tell me if Instagram is your first platform choice! If it is....I will not follow you as you will not have anything here to do and it would be a waste of time for me. You have Tumblr as a backup platform and might get some more followers, but are into the followers race.....Which means that you will never have a look at tumblr and we have nothing in common. Your loss...............

[kittycrazykat]

IM ABOUT TO DIE!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS????

I feel like they personally decided ‘hey let’s make the first seven episodes kind of seem important but not really, and then the middle they were like yeah this is a bunch of bullshit. And then they decided hey let’s make every episode after a fucking fanfiction!!!’ Like oh my God I can’t do this right now! I’m screaming I already have my clown suit on and I’m getting ready to just sit in a tub full of pudding because nothing else can get crazier…

Unless adrienette kiss and then I will spontaneously combust cause they are gonna forget again!!!! OR WHAT IF THEY REMEMBER AND THATS HOW THEY DEFEAT SHADOWMOTH?!?!?

MAYBE THATS HOW WE GET KURO NEKO?!?!

[ichtios]

ok i must be dreaming. i can’t believe this.

what.

pinch me hard people.

this is not happening.

i am happy and confused and i don’t know what else.

btw - i’m taking a break from social media, probably entire month of May.

See ya next month, now i must digest what has just happened.

[simmerdowndee]

uni_dayz episode twelve part eight

It’s our last night in Tomarang. Earlier today, we all went shopping around the tourist/market district. I found some very pretty jewelry and trinkets to take back with me. Theo tried to buy me everything I saw but I had to remind him, he still needed money for when he goes back to Windenburg. Sadly, he won’t be able to just come home with me.

Later that night, Theo asks me to get ready as he has a surprise for me. I’m not sure what he has planned to see, but most places are closed at this point.

We leave the house, and he takes me back to the resort club we were at earlier, but this time its only us and he set a romantic dinner for us.

Dakota: Awhh, Theo.

Theo: I wanted to do something special for you. We haven’t been on a real date in a while….

Theo: Here, let’s sit.

Dakota: This is really sweet babe.

Theo: I just wanted some alone time with you, without the group seeing I have to go back tomorrow.

Dakota: *Sighs* 

Theo: But I’ll be back home in 2 weeks.

Dakota: I know.

Theo: Let’s not worry about that right now. Let’s just enjoy the night.

Dakota: My favorite bottle again.

Theo: Its actually pretty good, you have good taste.

I know.

Theo and I spent the night talking about things we missed with each other while he was away. It seems like he enjoyed the program.

We talked about my clerkship and time at the firm. He was really proud that I was able to work on a that case.

I told him about how my mom and dad have been seeing each other and think I have no idea. They aren’t really good at being secretive.

It felt so normal to just be out with him and talk like we normally do. Once we finished dinner, Theo said he had one last thing for me.

We ended up at this private rental a few mins from ours.

Dakota: Why are we here?

Theo: I figured we could stay here tonight, so we can be alone.

Dakota: Theo, this looks very expensive.

Theo: I’m not worried about the money; I just want to spend time with you.

How much money is that program paying him?

When we get to our room, we put our stuff down and head to take a bath. It was so relaxing. Afterwards, we get ready for bed.

Dakota: Theo, now that we are back together, I wanted to talk to you about something.

Theo: Is everything okay?

Dakota: Yeah, I just want this to start off very clean, with everything on the table.

Theo: Okay.

Dakota:  For about 6 months, Noah and I dated.

Dakota: We never had sex, but we did date.

Dakota: We broke up because he knew I wasn’t over you….

Theo: I know baby.

Um, how the hell does he know?

Theo: Who do you think called me to come here?

nofuckingway

Dakota: That’s how you knew where we were.

Theo: Noah called me late the night before I got here and asked if I wanted to join you guys here. He met me at the airport bar when I arrived, and he told me everything.

Theo: It was literally perfect timing because I was missing you really bad. So, I got on the next flight to be with you.

Dakota: You traveled over 9 hours in the middle of the night, because you wanted to be with me?

Theo: And I’d do it again.

Theo: We should’ve never broken up. That was the stupidest shit I’ve ever done.

Theo: I missed out on so many moments with you.

Theo: I hurt you & I’ll never forgive myself.

Dakota: Baby.

Well, if I didn’t believe him before, I definitely believe him now when he said he missed me.

Theo: I don’t ever want to lose you again. I love you, Dakota. I love you so much. I’m so sorry again.

Dakota: I love you too Theo. I forgive you.

We enjoyed the rest of the night with each other seeing it will be our last for 2 weeks. I don’t want it to end, I don’t want to go back home.

The next morning…

We’re all at the airport getting ready to head back home. I’m pretty sad because I finally got Theo back and I still have to be without him for a little while longer…

Theo and I are just going to hang out until my flight is ready to depart. He departs after mine.

Across the room

Laura: Look at them. They are so damn happy with each other. That’s all she needed.

Laura: Which is why you called him, huh?

Noah: I don’t know what you are talking about….

Laura: Mhm. You really did love her. So much that you put your own feelings aside to make her happy.

Noah: I told you; her heart is back where it belongs.

Back to Theo and Dakota

Dakota: Hey, where did you go? Is everything okay with your flight?

Theo: Yes, actually perfect. I have a surprise for you.

Dakota: What?

Theo: I talk to the customer service, and they were able to switch your flight, so that you’re ending destination is Windenburg…

Dakota: Wait, you want me to come with you?

Theo: I think we’ve been apart for long enough.

Theo: I was even able to get the seat next to me, so we can sit next to each other.

Dakota: Theo, are you serious?!!?

Theo: I didn’t want to have to wait to see you again.

Dakota: I love you.

Theo: I love you too babe.

Dakota: Let me go say bye to Laura and Noah.

I head over to tell them the news.

Laura: You say your temporary goodbyes?

Dakota: Actually, I’m not going home with you guys….

Laura: Wut.

Dakota: Theo wants me to come back to Windenburg with him. He got my flight changed.

Noah: That’s exciting Koda.

Laura: How you just gone abandon us?

Dramatic Laura strikes again.

Dakota: I will see you guys in two weeks when we both get back.

Dakota: Noah, can I talk to you before you go?

Noah: Of course.

Noah and I go off to the side.

Dakota: I just wanted to say thank you.

Noah: For what?

Dakota: For bringing Theo here. You didn’t have to do that.

Noah: I meant what I said to you Koda.

Dakota: What’s that?

Noah: I want to make you happy.

Goddamn it Noah.

Dakota: I’m so happy you are my best friend.

Noah: Am I now over Laura?

*Dakota laughs*

Dakota: Thank you again. I’ll see you back in Britechester soon.

Noah: Enjoy Windenburg.

I give Noah a kiss on the cheek and head back to Theo. Laura and Noah are getting ready to board. I’m excited to see Windenburg but most of all, experience it with the love of my life.

[henriete41]

Love that one 😄 . #Batman #Superman #Jonn #Martian #MartianManhunter #Light #kingdom #shadow #place #Gotham #cryptonite #boxofmatches #shadowy #shadowyplace #lookthat #fuckthat #fuckit #nofuckingway #fun #funny #Instafun #fun_time #JusticeLeague #OhBoy #touchoflight https://www.instagram.com/p/CIBqAOCs8IY/?igshid=n4fj2dtqesjf

[solchrom]

Diving? Yeah, no. Not on the east side, not on the west side #nottoday #nofuckingway (at Humber Bay Park) https://www.instagram.com/p/B-Ca8jKgnh7/?igshid=vsghmv5hye44