#November is such a stupid little emo<3

[gertruderobinsonscat]

I posted 1,581 times in 2022

86 posts created (5%)

1,495 posts reblogged (95%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@dathen

@ashes-in-a-jar

@feathered-serpents

@cuttoothed

@neeka-noodle

I tagged 1,086 of my posts in 2022

Only 31% of my posts had no tags

#our flag means death - 165 posts

#the sandman - 113 posts

#malevolent podcast - 108 posts

#dracula daily - 85 posts

#interview with the vampire - 56 posts

#v sexy and good op - 42 posts

#ofmd spoilers - 41 posts

#marvel - 39 posts

#iwtv spoilers - 36 posts

#moon knight - 35 posts

Longest Tag: 135 characters

#and you don’t need to relentlessly seek out reasons it’s problematic and spread the word that this is actually the worst thing to exist

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

924 notes - Posted August 1, 2022

#4

Sorry if this has already been done.

1,001 notes - Posted March 12, 2022

#3

“Some people freak out about the age difference…they think, ‘What’s this 70 year old man doing with a guy seven times his age?’ You know, I don’t care!”

2,880 notes - Posted November 7, 2022

#2

You know, I think Lucius might be the most badass character in the entire series so far? I mean:

1. Jim is about to stab him in the face, so he distracts them long enough to whack them on head and escape

2. Convinces Jim to stop trying to kill him by stealing a dagger from a vicious pirate who keeps a jar of severed noses

3. Izzy Hands *tries* to put the fear of god into him and he responds with ‘you want to fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid’ and outwits him by being nice to Fang and learning Izzy’s secrets

4. *Cuts off his own goddamned finger* in a delirious haze, winning the game of fuckery

5. Tells motherfucking Blackbeard to stop being a dick

2,925 notes - Posted March 21, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Shout out to Death of the Endless for being such an excellent wingman to her insufferably emo little brother. 

“Hey let’s go to the tavern and hang out with some people! Oh ho, there’s one handsome mortal over there who maybe has enough joie de vivre he make at least a *dent* in your brooding drama king persona! Why don’t you go introduce yourself? I promise not to lay a finger on him until he’s ready!”

*seven hundred years later and Dream is more insufferable and emo than ever*

“Hey, why don’t you check in on that cute friend of yours? ;) He’d love to see you. ;)”

6,026 notes - Posted August 6, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[savebatsfromscratch]

According this this post from 2013, it's DPA month! (Actually ten years ago...?) So I answered the questions! (Also this has been queued since December 2022 lol.)

I know this was supposed to be day by day, but I don't feel like it.

1. How did you start reading DPA?

This is gonna sound really dumb, but I found book six at my local library and started reading because I thought Koya had a cool outfit.

2. Who is your favorite hero?

It was Koya for a long long time, but as I'm writing this it's either Jun or Hareta. :) Not sure.

3. Who's your favorite villain?

This is gonna sound dumb, but I really do actually LOVE B-2. He's got some actually very good writing, and along with that he has a character arch! He's my little guy, but if I talk about him it comes out like a joke. qwq (Besides him though, really like Mars, she's just so cute.)

4. Favorite chapter?

Not sure if it's *actually* my favorite, but the battle between Mitsumi and Hareta when Mitsumi was in Team Galactic was one of the high points in the series.

5. What's something you wanted to see happen that didn't?

I wanted Jun and Hareta to battle! They're rivals and (unless I'm forgetting something stupid) they have never had a proper battle! It makes me sad. qwq

6. Favorite pokémon?

Hareta's Misdreavus! (Or Koya's Absol.) Such a little guy.

7. If DPA had a voice cast, who would you want to hear in the roles?

I don't know any voice actors besides Eric Vale (who I know from Hetalia), so, uh, he can be Jun I guess. XD

8. Favorite B-2 butt abuse moment?

I like the one where he gets bit from the first time because he imedietly shoots Hareta afterwards.

9. What's your favorite Hareta scene?

I like all the ones where he gets beat up and/or acts serious. XD (So, once again, the Mitsumi and Hareta battle is a favorite.

10. Did you have any predictions about DPA that came true?

I really wasn't thinking when I read it, so I didn't really have any predictions to make. (Also I read it in this order, "six, two, seven, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, *wait three years*, eight. My library didn't have the last book so I had to buy it.)

11. Did you have any predictions about DPA that didn't come true?

Again, I didn't try to think lol.

12. (November 12th is Cyrus Appreciation Day) What's your favorite Cyrus scene?

The one where Mitsumi, Jun, and Hareta are jokingly guessing what he was doing when he was missing. (Maybe this is more of a Jupiter scene but still.)

...

OOH WAIT. THAT ONE ON THE BRIDGE WHERE ALL THE GRAVES SHOW UP. THAT ONE IS SO GOOD.

13. Do you have any headcanons for DPA?

I lot! I guess the biggest one is that Hareta is (ethicly) Yupik! Or, the Pokemon world equivilent of it. (Link to article: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yupik_peoples ) I also have some sexuality headcannons, such as Hareta being Pansexual, Koya being a man enjoyer but also a bit aspec, etc.

14. Favorite single panel?

OOH HOW DO I CHOOSE... I probably can't pick an actual favorite, because I have so many, but I know that page 13 in book 4 is always a win. (And the "I'm okay with being stupid!" panel is still awesome.)

15. What's your favorite Mitsumi scene?

I like the one where she almost gets exploded in the building. :D

16. What's your favorite Jun scene?

The one where he gets choked by the Tangrowth lol.

17. Favorite pokémon battle?

I already said it like eight times, but the Hareta and Mitsumi one is REALLY good. I also quite like the Koya and Hareta one. :)

18. Favorite Gym Leader/League battle?

I really really like Volker, but he was hardly in this manga so I guess Roarke?

19. Not including Charon, what's your favorite Galactic Commander scene?

Hmm. I like Hareta's dad's interaction with Cyrus that one time. (Honestly I don't pay much attention to the Galactic characters, lol.)

20. What're some alternate outfits you want to see the characters in?

I want to see Hareta wearing a big coat. :) I also want Koya to wear am emo outfit, Mitsumi in a period costume (any era is fine), and Jun in, uh, full plate armor, sure.

21. Favorite shipping? (feel free to divide this into categories if need be!)

I can't pick a favorite! Uh, Jun x Hareta??? I guess??

22. What's your favorite Koya scene?

The one where he gets beat up in the volcano in book six. 🙃 (I'm, um, into pain I guess.)

23. Who's a game character you wanted to see appear that didn't?

I've never played the game, so I don't know.

24. Who do you think won the last battle, Hareta or Koya?

It makes sense for Hareta to win, I think. (Koya's great too, but he was totally gonna get beat up in their unprompted battle, so why not carry it over?)

25. What's your favorite Charon scene?

LEAST favorite? Uh, I dunno, I can't think of any.

26. Who do you think won between Mitsumi and Cynthia?

Mitsumi. :)

27. What's your favorite Piplup/Empoleon scene?

The one where Hareta is doing the contest and he gets all sad and stuff.

28. What are some pokémon you would want to see the characters with?

I dunno. I guess I want Koya's Growlithe and Hareta's Misdreavus to evolve? Other than that I can't really think of anything.

29. Where do you think Hareta went after the epilogue?

I think he just kinda chilled honestly.

30. Given about three years since the series ended, what do you think the characters are doing now?

I think Mistumi is the Champion in contests, Koya is in the police still, Jun is doing his very best, and Hareta is back in the woods.

[not-for-my-personality]

 A Tag

Thank you so much for tagging me @asjannasj  😄💕🙈🙈

I tag  @omgspookykookie @stray-kids-stuff @felixxtrash do it if you want to 💜 also anyone can do it if they want to😂😂😂

Name:  Franciska

Nickname(s): Franci, Fran (given by my dear friend who was lazy to add the -ci),Franyó (only with family, mostly mum), Csirmók (don’t even ask I was young and stupid😂)

Gender: Female

Age: 16

Sexuality: good question lol *finger guns*

Average amount of sleep: schooltime 4-5 hours, breaks 10-12 (don’t test my capability of sleeping I’m just a tired bean😧)

Dogs or cats: both,I grew up with them, can’t imagine life without either of them🙆 love them equally

Dream job: where I can travel a lot, and make my own rules, something free, if it’s more scientific then for example I would like to study sea mammals or big cats; if it’s artistic I’d like to be a writer or actress honestly idk (we love a decisive bean👏👏)

Zodiac: Scorpio sun, Scorpio moon, Gemini rising♏♏♊

Height: somewhere around 168-169cm (around 5′6,5″)

Hair and eyes color: brown hair on the darker side and amber eyes

Tattoos and piercings: none :3 planning on getting a tatto in the future tho

Lucky number: 5,11,14

Number of blankets: always 3, I like to cuddle them ^^’ even if they’re only by my side

When did I make this blog: 2015-01-11 (I had to look this up and now I see that tumblr thinks I’m a ‘02 liner, why tho I’m just a late baby from november leave me alone😳)

Why did I make this blog: for my fangirl needs ofc,it was always mainly about my current interests, it was for my book fandoms then I got interested in astrology at some point then I was in a 1D phase and an emo one also but I don’t think I posted about that and yeah I’m now mainly kpop, but still got other things in here. At one time I also wanted to become a fanfic writing blog but yeah that didn’t happen 😂😂

Hogwarts house: Honestly my sister raised me as a Gryffindor ‘cuz she thought I was one.... I think I’m a misunderstood Slytherin or Hufflepuff. (don't get me wrong I'm a huge potterhead)

Nationality: Hungarian

Languages: Hungarian, English, German, and I learned a little bit of Korean last year also I’m starting French this year and in the future I’d like to learn Spanish

I’m only confident in my English as a foreign language tho.😅

Favourite fruit: Pomegranate, blueberries and watermelon 

Favourite colour: purple, burgundy and aquatic colors

Favourite animals: omg okay so apart from cats and dogs I  really love otters and seals (this was one of the hardest questions tbh)

Coffee, tea or hot chocolate: I love them all but I’ll go with a good tea (fruit)

Favourite fictional character: I don't think I have an ult fave, so I'll go with Newt from the Maze Runner series,he's one of the faves for sure

Dream Trip: Thailand, Brazil and Australia is my top3 at the moment

Last film seen: To all the boys I loved before (my sister watched it like 4 times in 3 days and I was there with her, but cute film👌👍)

Songs on repeat at the moment: Suga - Seesaw, BTS - I’m fine, Selena Gomez - Back to you, MAMAMOO - Egoistic, Day6 - Somehow, Martin Garrix ft. Khalid - Ocean and the whole I am Who album tbh 

Favourite book: Ohh honey, I can’t pick a fave, there are too many; if we’re talking about which book made me think the most then I will choose either The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald or The Giver by Lois Lowry.

But my most recent faves are ones I wanted to read for a long time and those are The darkest minds by Alexandra Bracken and Lady Midnight by Cassandra Clare (I know I’m late but I had other things to read....fanfics)

Followers: i have 88 lovely followers who chose to click that button and I still don’t know why 😅💖

Woahh okay, this was fun! 😊 Thank you if you read this through, I hope it wasn't that boring😂😂

[freelytinystudentblog-blog]

Beginning

So I guess for starters Im gonna say i am probably going to remain anonymous for a while. Also this stuff might get deep and personal so ill change all names. Since freelytinystudentblog is ridiculously long im just going to go but Eve because why not. Im not trying to look for attention posting all this stuff but i need an outlet and what better way to do it than anonymously on a website where it probably wont get read. So if you do happen to stumble onto this page then welcome. Hopefully you wont get bored. I guess its time for me to start with the beging which would be about 3ish years ago when I was a wee little lass and believed that because i was 13 i was basically the shit(which i obvously wasnt). I had moved a total of 3 times which doesnt seem too bad but it was always when i got really attached to people we moved and i never spoke to them again. This time was no different. We moved from one small town to another. Being one of the only mixed kids there besides my brother was surprisingly positive and annoying. Why youre probaly not asking? Well because my hair was everyones interest. A big ball of poof i always threw into a pony tail because honestly there wasnt much else to do with it. Everyone wanted to play with it or see how much stuff i could hide in it. It was fun at first but quickly got annoying. While there was that downside to the town it also had some positives. For example it was there that i realized that i was bisexual. To be honest i never thought about liking girls until my boyfriend at the time and his friend were talking about how they were both Bi and i said it to fit in a little. I didnt actually believe it until i realized the way girls made me felt. How i always caught myself looking at their chests and their butts, and how i fell for my friend Taylor. She was my first offical girl crush. Anyway this is getting a little off topic though it was important. Like i said there were many positives like the cool friends i got to meet, I got into blood in the dance floor and had a little emo phase and met a guy i thought id be with forever. That all sounds good but with all positives comes negatives. I began to get super depressed and even cut a few times. I felt trapped in my relationship with Damien. Whenever we fought hed threaten to kill himself or say stuff like “without you id kill myself” which is a shitty thing to say to someone in my opinion. I started doing things id never do like sneaking my boyfriend over and all that. But the biggest neutral that happened was me losing my virginity. No big deal it seems but i was freshly turned 14 and he was 16. We werent safe there was no protection. I know losing your virginity is supposed to be meaningful but i dont remember it. I wasnt drunk or anything so i dont know why i dont remember it. Anyway a couple weeks later i snuck out and walked around town and ended up having sex again in the graveyeard(insert judgement here) I knew something was wrong soon after. I felt sick so i told him i thought i was pregnant. He paled and asked if i was would i abort it. I instantly said no because i dont believe in abortions. After that night things got weird. Me my mom and my brother went to Tennessee. Driving up the mountains i felt sick to my stomach which i brushed off as carsickness. We get back from our vacation and i started craving the weirdest shit like frozen hot pockets, whole packages of cheese ect. I caught myself randomly thinking about having a baby and got scared. I ended up having my older family friend get me a pregnancy test and surprise surprise i was el prego. I cried for about 5 minuets before shutting down. I didnt know how to feel i was only 14. I called and  told Damien that night and he was as shocked as i was. Later on he told me he started crying after we hung up. So a few days later i went home and told mom. She wasnt as mad as i thought she would be. She refused to let me give the baby up for adoption because it was my mistake and i had to live with it. I dont think i couldve done it anyway. No one really understands how attached you get to the little baby inside you. I believe the same day i told the rest of my family. My grandma didnt talk to me for a couple of months. I had an aunt who told me i needed to give it up for adoption because i was gonna ruin the babys life.I had another aunt not let me see my cousin Bri for atleast 6 months which hurt so much. Me and bri are like sisters we’ve been almost inseperable ever since we were little which is funny since shes younger than me. Damien was determined to stay in the babys life and not leave no matter what. Me being pregnant at such a young age wasnt easy. I lost most of my friends and began homeschooling which was terrible. The nine months of me being pregnant was basically filled with me fighting with my boyfriend getting insanely jealous, cheating, and more sex. We shouldve left each other months ago. Looking back i shouldve left sooner. It was a toxic relationship for both of us. 9 months later my baby boy was born. Mister Phoenix. My angel. It was kind of ridiculous damien and i fought even in the hospital. We brought phoenix home and i was hoping the relationshup would get better. It didnt. I caught him sexting his ex and swore to break it off with him. I didnt. I swore to myself i wasnt going to let my baby grow up without a father. In july 2015 we moved 45 minuets away. Damien came on the weekends because my mom picked him up and took him home. That laster all summer until school started and he couldnt anymore. It seemed like us being apart made us fight even more. By november he broke up with me. Now i was 15 and a single mother. I was devasted. I had no one to turn to since i didnt have any friends in my new town. I was alone and began eating my depression away. Every month on the 11th i would sit down and cry. I wasnt in a good state. By 2016 i swore to myself id move on from Damien and become an amazing mother but it was so hard He kept popping in every 3 months or so flirting with me making me fall for him over and over again only to get crushed over and over again. It was a hellish cycle but honestly im glad i went though it. Why you ask? Well simply because every time he left itd give me more reason to stop liking him and even hating him. Now he texts me and i just roll my eyes. Going through that definately helped me move on. He wasnt there for any of the birthdays and i honestly am glad. I understand its my kids father but i grew up with a dad who lived in the same city and still couldnt come see me. I dont want my baby going through that. Once hes older i plan on explaining everything and giving him a choice of whether he wants to get in contact with his father or not. Itll be completely up to him. Now before you start judging me to hard think about this. I became a single parent at 15. The father never visted his son or even asked. Hell this january was the first time he saw phoenix in Two years. Two thats ridiculous. After the very awkward encounter he hasnt bothered asking to see him since. Its hard for people who dont have kids to understand this i know but i know what im doing is for the best. This sunday is going to be his 3rd birthday and his father came up with stupid excuses as usual. Now i know i left out some stuff but some of it is hard to put into words plus if i added anymore itd be unbelievably long. So this was the begining and current i guess. 14 and pregnant. 15 and a single parent. currently almost 18 and still doing it bymyself just a little better. Thats all for now. Ill probably make another one soon about relationships while being a single parent so yeah. Peace.

[anonymous-wolf22]

Survey 3

Reblog | Bold what applies to you;

You have a lava lamp in your room. You like dreamcatchers. You have a flower tattoo. You are allergic to pollen. You were born in November. You love hiking in the woods. Your ideal vacation spot is a big city. You own a Snuggie. You were a huge fan of a celebrity when you were twelve. You’ve gotten lost in a big city. You don’t mind sleeping on the floor. You wish you had more money so you could do more shopping. At times you are are lazy. You are a target for bullies. You love music. You have a food allergy. You sing in the shower. You’ve held a baby. You’ve been to a baby shower. You’ve had an embarrassing moment at a school dance. You’ve passed notes in class and gotten caught. You’ve got a grass stain. You own or once owned plaid shorts. You own a button-up plaid shirt. You own skinny jeans. You own sunglasses. You’ve played a tambourine in church. You’ve danced in church. You don’t like mushrooms. You’ve seen a Broadway show. You have natural blonde hair. You have red hair. You know someone with red hair. You have freckles. You’ve had crutches. You’ve had to wear a cast before. You liked playing with scooters in gym class. You own a flip phone. You dislike texting and prefer people would just call you. You like talking in person better than on the phone. ..but you enjoy talking on the phone, too. There is someone in your life that you would like to get to know more. You’ve been keeping a secret, and you would like to tell it. You have a friend who’s just like you whom you love dearly. You’ve made a lot of mistakes that you wish you could undo. You live in an apartment. You have a basement. You own a telescope. You’ve looked through a telescope at night. You’ve seen an eclipse. You’ve seen a shooting star. You enjoy public speaking. …even though you feel nervous before making a speech. You find holding your breath to be a good cure for hiccups. You’ve been told you look like a certain celebrity. You feel like you could have chosen to be gay, but didn’t. You have curly hair. You wish your eyes were a different color. You’ve been told that you should model. You’ve burnt popcorn. There is something on your heart right now. You have an overdue library book. You can’t find your library card right now. You don’t care what your car looks like; you just want something that runs. You’re allergic to pet dander. You’re allergic to dust. You enjoy parades. You enjoy dressing up in costume. You have a younger brother or sister. You’re an only child. You are/were homeschooled. You like coffee shops. You like worship music. You believe in the supernatural. You enjoy church. You believe there is more to life than what we see and know. You love to worship. You feel a sense of calm when looking at the moon. You’ve been on a missions trip. You love someone. You like paisleys. You’ve driven a tractor. You can write in cursive. You’ve written in calligraphy. You can tap dance. You have a food sensitivity. You have a food intolerance. You believe in a higher power. You’re tired. You like taking selfies.

01. I believe in luck. 02. I believe in horoscopes and fortunes, too. 03. I’m fairly superstitious. 04. I’m feeling quite lucky right now. 05. I love entering raffles. 06. I love the song “Last Chance To Lose Your Keys” by Brand New. 07. I’ve never dyed my hair. 08. I use temporary dye all the time. 09. I have made a party cracker before. 10. I like to make treat bags for trick or treaters on Halloween. 11. I have a Christmas playlist. 12. I feel really good right now. 13. I don’t use candles as often as I’d like to. 14. I especially love the scented ones. 15. I read the newspaper daily. 16. There is an item of clothing I really want right now. 17. That item is a jacket. 18. I adore Polaroid cameras. 19. I don’t use Bing. 20. My friend’s birthday was this week. 21. I want to go to a party. 22. I’ve been to a Halloween party before. 23. I believe in the symbolism of numbers. 24. I know who Taylor Momsen is. 25. And I think she’s gorgeous. 26. I hate when people copy me. 27. I’ve used oil pastels before. (possibly..) 28. I like using them. 29. I cry basically daily. (in secret) 30. I get frustrated so damn easily. 31. I’ve never had a swiss roll. 32. They look amazing, though. 33. I’ve only been to one concert in my life. 34. I enjoyed it a lot, though. 35. I like messing with HTML coding. 36. I admit, I can be a greedy person at times. 37. I can also be very selfish. 38. I get impatient easily. 39. I actually enjoy greasy pizza. 40. At my high school, you only have/had to be a junior to leave campus for lunch. 41. I adore typewriter fonts. 42. I’ve been to a dermatologist before. 43. I feel achey right now. 44. I like to be solids more than stripes in pool. 45. I currently need new earphones. 46. I prefer earbuds. 47. I take antacids often. 48. I usually have a spare hair tie around my wrist. 49. I weigh less now than I did at this time last year. 50. I’ve seen how my favorite celebrity looked as a baby.

You’re a chick. You’re a girl’s girl, as well as a guy’s girl. You’re a freshman in college. You can’t decide if you love it or fucking hate it. You are obsessed with weight loss. You have sleeping problems. You miss someone, a lot more than you like to admit. You get along with people easily. You have a lot of secrets. You like books about murder and drug addicts. You drink soda like water. You secretly listen to country. Your shoulders are sore. You’re extremely self destructive. You take vitamins and fish oils. You always have one headphone in. And it annoys the shit out of people. Your hands are freezing. Your room mate thinks you’re a little weird. You’re blonde, but you don’t wanna be. You used to love your body, but now you despise it. You love to dance. You’ve never had any really good relationships. You hate dates. You hate your parents, but not really. You feel sick right now. You’ve drank about 4 liters of water in the past 10 minutes. You drink too much. You smoke too much. You are a vegetarian, sort of. Ha You’re a closet romantic. You can’t sleep, and you don’t know why. You have a thousand things on your mind. You’re spinning out of control. You’re undeclared. Your clothes are weird. You really need to do your nails. You love your sister more than yourself. You smoke a lot of cigarettes. You’re kind of a burn out. You’re very creative, but don’t know how to channel it. You miss the past more than you should. You’re very independent. You have major trust issues. You have anti depressants, but you don’t take them. You adore cheesecake. You wear dark eye makeup for some reason. People don’t take you seriously, and you like it that way. You have a lot of scars. You’ve lied about some pretty big things. You’re kind of a horrible person. You hate skype, but have one anyway. You edit all your pictures. You live for your cigs, chipotle and sitcoms. You go to weheartit.com a billion times a day. You have a secret blog. Hahaaa. You’re extremely insecure, but you’d never show it. You like to make other people happy. Christmas freaks you out. You had a major emo phase. You have no real goals in life. You miss your best friends. You miss your brothers. You miss not counting calories. You miss sleeping. You love watching the stupid news fluff pieces. Your favorite Kardashian is Kourtney because she has no feelings. You like guys who you know will always let you down. You like guys who have issues and addictions. You have daddy issues. You have mommy issues. You have a lot of issues. You don’t know what to say to therapists. You don’t know what to say in general. Your shoulders are really starting to hurt. You’re hungry, but you’re not gonna eat for a while. You love being alone, and hate it at the same time. You’ve had over 10 hamsters. You feel very insignificant and small in this giant world. Ocean water scares you. But you jump in anyway. You always forget to call back. You’ll always sort of be in love with someone from your past. When you get mad, you start yelling and use your hands a lot. You’re not very attractive without makeup. If you met yourself, you think you’d hate yourself. You like older men (ex. George Clooney) You regret eating so much last night. Your neck is in an extremely uncomfortable position. You have very pale skin. You have a very intense stare. You’re basically fuckin blind. You say fuckin a lot. You hate your smile. You spend way too much time thinking. You like weed cuz it makes you numb. you like alcohol cuz it makes you retarded. Alcoholism and drug addiction runs in your family. You do drugs. You come from a very dysfunctional family. You love going on walks. You don’t know how to get through the rest of this week. You love writing songs lyrics and poems. Your computer is making weird noises and you don’t know why. You’re scared no one will ever want to marry you. You don’t even support marriages, but it still scares you. You fucking love chipotle. You like spazzing out to dubstep. You’d never show anyone your art work. You’ve quit everything you’ve tried. You have had a lot of fucking fun. You’ve been really really heartbroken. You’ve gradually become very sarcastic and fierce. You’re scared. You’re exhausted.

[lesbianbruabba]

Music asks 1-60

1: Favorite band? Tie between waterparks and flor

2: Favorite song? Who tf has just one? Currently it’s Idle Worship by Paramore or Sleep Alone by Waterparks.

3: What’s a band/artist you loved as a child but can barely listen to now? Paul Anka

4: Did you ever see a band/artist live? Yes! Waterparks, flor and All Time Low (+ openers the Modern Strangers, Creeper, Patent Pending and Dead!)

5: Are you going to any gigs soon? Yes! In November I’m seeing Nothing But Thieves, As It Is and I’m seeing Taco Hemingway in December :)

6: Ever been to a festival? No :( but I might go to Slam Dunk this year!

8: A song with a number in the title? 21 Questions by parx

9: A song that gets you through shit? Ground Control by ATL feat. Tegan and Sara

10: A good song for long bus rides? Get Behind This by flor

11: A song you’d have sex to? The Alyssa Edwards remix by B Ames

12: A song to shut everything out? Relief by Sixx AM

13: A song for when you’re lonely? Crybaby by parx

14: A song that’s become a joke between you and your friends? Come One Come All/That Girl kinda? @samrull 

15: A song to jam out to at 4AM? Anything by Brockhampton tbh

16: An album you could listen to for days on end? Entertainment by parx

17: A song that punches you in the gut every single time? Stay Away From My Friends by PTV fucks me up

18: A song for when you’re crazy angry? the whole Selfish Machines album by PTV

19: If you had to pick one song to represent what you’re feeling right now, what would it be? Worst by Awsten Knight

20: A song that calms you down? Ground Control or anything on co.yh

21: A song that makes you feel alive? The Reckless and the Brave by ATL

22: A band with an insane fandom? Twenty One Pilots wins this one 

23: What are some lyrics you love to pieces? “You can devastate my personal space, I never liked it anyway”, “You're the morning I can't wait to wake to, after chasing you through my dreams in bloom”, “You’re the blueprint to my stupid sounds”

24: Would you ever get any song lyrics tattooed? If so which ones? I would love to. Probably with a small drawing next to it? And I don’t know which yet but “we gotta make contact to make it out” from ground control is a big fave. because it reminds me not to isolate myself

25: What’s a band/artist you’d addict your children to from an early age? My Chem or Panic

26: A vocalist you love? Awsten Knight is a man whom I will die for

27: Has a band/artist ever inspired you to do something? ...does not committing suicide count

28: A band/artist you love but no longer exists? Is there any other correct answer besides MCR

29: What was your favorite band/artist when you were 12? Pretty sure it was MCR

30: A band/artist you can’t stand? TAI because W*****m 

31: What’s your favorite genre? Rock/pop-punk/emo/alternative whatever you wanna call it

32: Can you play any instruments? I can play the ukulele and I used to play piano and violin. I haven’t played the guitar in a year or so but I think I can pick it back up

33: Do you sing? I am able to do the act of making melodic noises with my vocal cords yes but is it nice that’s questionable hmmm

34: If you could be a member of any band for one show, who would it be? Awsten Knight

35: Do you have a favorite piece of merch? MY TANTRUM SWEATER IS SO PRETTY

36: What’s the first album you ever bought with your own money? Britney Spears the Singles Collection

37: Do you prefer buying physical copies of albums or do you download them on the internet? I download them like the ugly little bastard I am

38: CDs or vinyls? Neither I use itunes

39: Do you play your music out loud or with headphones? out loud most of the time

40: A band/artist a friend showed you? All Time Low, parx, flor etc thanks to Iza

41: A song that gives you the chills? Do I Wanna Know by Arctic Monkeys

42: A song to play at your funeral? Never Gonna Give You Up by Kidzbop

43: A band/artist with amazing an instrumental but really bad lyrics? Halsey probably lol

44: A love song? I Do Adore by Mindy Gledhill 

45: A song you love to sing to yourself? Bella Ciao lol

46: What do you listen to when you go for a run? Anything by Taco Hemingway

47: A song that represents a deserted city at night? Crickets by Creeper

48: A wild song? We Will All Go Together When We Go by Tom Lehrer. Man’s a genius

49: An upbeat song with grim lyrics? Oh shit. Bullet by Hollywood Undead. it’s my JAM and it’s fucked up lol. Also Wasted by Cartel and like half the AL album by Paramore

50: What are some song titles you love? Peach (Lobotomy), anything from old FOB, the Pete Wentz one by Cobra Starship

51: If your life ended today, what song would you chose to represent it? Emperor’s New Clothes bc this bitch is going to hell, baby!

52: Can you give me a 5 song playlist on ___? You didn’t put anything here so I’ll insert a topic. Eating disorders, because I have one lmao. I go hungry by mother mother, courage by superchick, Two by the Antlers, Numbers by Pompeii and I Hate the way by Polly Scattergood. 

53: Do you listen to instrumental music? Lo-fi is great! Also Dance of the Cygnets by Tchaicowski

54: Weirdest band/artist you know of? E-rotic 

55: A song about drugs? Green Green Grass of Home. Just kidding. Does Nicotine count?

56: A heart-wrenching song? I Hate the Way by Polly Scattergood

57: A band/artist you’re proud of? As It Is tbh

58: A band/artist who’s music could bring you back from the dead? Fall Out Boy

59: A band/artist with a sick aesthetic? Palaye Royal or Fever era Panic!

60: A song that has a lot of meaning to you? Fuck You by Lily Allen, You’re Not Sorry by Taylor Swift

Thanks for the asks anon! This was fun

[lexisree]

My Shit Life

Or:  I really should see a therapist but I can't so I'm going to let all of my issues out in the air

WARNING: Possible Triggers (?); Probably very TMI and personal; maybe second-hand embarrassment; depression and anxiety are very real and honestly exposed in this; honest & brutal fears

IF ANY OF THIS MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE PLEASE USE DISCRETION WHEN READING OR DON'T READ IT AT ALL

Thanks for reading, I hope it helps you maybe or just brings a stronger sense of understanding about something.

I’M REALLY ANXIOUS ABOUT POSINT THIS BUT I REALLY THINK I NEED TO BECUASE I NEED HELP AND HONESTY AND THIS IS JUST THE FIRST STEP - for me anyway

Okay so recently, I've had a bit of a, uh, coming out thing (ish) to my family - more specifically my dad and step-sister, seeing as my mom already knows I'm at least bisexual.  Although, it's ... more than that.  

Like, there's some background that would make it easier to understand things eventually and I ... really need to get things off my chest.  I mean, before you really get too invested or I start anything in regards to letting stuff out, you should know that my ... mental heath is really not at it's best at the moment (hasn't been for a very long time, I don't think) and it's not that I have any kind of doctor notice or anything to know that.  

But I really need therapy, I know I do.  I need someone to help and honestly just listen and fix things but I just ... I can't yet.  I just can't.

But I do have a very intelligent friend taking psychology courses (I also know how to research and look things up and think for myself) that I ... probably rely on far too much to be healthy, but she's trying to help me, but it ... just doesn't work that way, I know she's not certified and she's not objective and unbiased and it's just so hard to talk to people that aren't.

That's why I'm doing this.  This is my first step I think, to actually getting my shit together and getting therapy and honest help, so ... jeez, yeah.  I'm gonna fucking try to do this even though my brain is saying

no, no, no, no, STOP THIS DON'T, these people are going to judge you, they're going to look at this and see a sob story, they're going to think you want fucking attention that you don't actually have problems that you're a DISGRACE!

But I won't fucking let myself stop, I'll fucking do this and I'm gonna do it and fuck, I'm getting off topic again and I need to stop procrastinating.

Anyway, knowing the background is important for you to understand why everything is so confusing; just why I'm terrified and angry and also a little bit relieved and overwhelmed to know that I'm just so different.  I am not, and probably never will be, cis.  I don't feel comfortable in my own skin a lot of the time, I feel very gross and almost like an imposter some days - but others I don't.  Some days I'm very confident and strong in the knowledge that I'm biologically a female.

I'm also sometimes attracted to men, other days to women, and often enough, nonbinary as well - so you would think I'd be pansexual right?  But that doesn't feel right either.  I don't fit into any kind of mould because sometimes I don't even fell attracted to anyone - that can go on for days or weeks, and even months.  

And it's terrifying.

Why is it terrifying?  Well, read my 'backstory' first, because it will give a lot of context that would make more sense than just "lowkey control issues and apathetic tendencies."

So like, I grew up in a very religious home (until I'd hit my teens that is - everything went to shit thereafter) and both my mom and my dad were very conservative - like most of the family - and I was just always told I was going to be a certain way, live a certain life, and held to certain expectations and I never really got around to not believing it (even if it was a subconscious kind of thing).  

Growing up, I was almost always dressed in "boy's" hand-me-downs, which I never had a problem with, it was always comfortable and genuinely what I liked.  But then elementary and middle school came and both my parents and my sister (who at this point I don't even really talk much to anymore - and she's one of the 3 blood-relatives I even associate with) have started to kinda just ignore that I exist.

My sister ... went through a lot of shit during that time, and honestly, it felt like I was just left to flounder through everything on my own because I wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary.  I made A's and B's in school, I was in Art Club and Drama during elementary and Art Club and Band during middle school, and just Band during my first year of High School.  

I had like, a few acquaintances that I was stubbornly insisting were friends (they really weren't) and just overall feeling very, very alone. I didn't really know at the time that I was depressed, didn't know that I was developing bad habits and honestly probably should have asked for help at that time (especially since I was around someone going through what I could have been - what I probably would have turned into if I wasn't stubborn as fuck).

It was also just around that time - right between ages 12 and 14 - that I started to realize that I ... didn't really like people.  Not in the way all the kids around me seemed to anyway.  I didn't seem to think people were attractive in any way other than aesthetically.  Like, I'd be able to say that someone was pretty or handsome or objectively appealing ... but that was it.  It was all objective and felt very detached.  And I hated that.

At the time I'd not really yet learned how to just ... ignore everyone else (as I'd only developed my very frightening apathetic mask until after I'd turned 14).  I felt very confused and alone and constantly paranoid because what if someone found out, what if my parents figure it out, what would my sister do - I don't want to be like that.

I was always scared and constantly stressed and I'd soon developed the ... worst of my habits.  I started to bottle things - rarely letting them out, and, like, the only way I could - or really, would - let them out, was through the arts.  

I picked up poetry (and honestly, I think this was the closest to an 'emo phase' I've ever been in, but it was just ... so much more than that) right around that time as well, and it wasn't until during my 8th grade school year that I finally started to think that maybe I was depressed.  

At the time I was still 12 (it was the beginning of the school year - August/September - and my BDay is in November) and my grandmother (Memaw - she was my (step)dad's mom btw) had just passed away ... and she was literally the only person in my family at the time that paid attention to me.  She was the only one that listened and helped and just seemed to care.  

When she passed away, I was ... I was very lost, I don't deny it.  

I also started to fully develop my anxiety during that time (not that I knew what the fuck any of this shit was) and I was ... I was very confused and scared and honestly just really lost during that time.  

But then I'd started marching band (I played the flute) and felt like I had a reason and started making friends - actual friends - but come the end of my freshman year my family (that is, me, my mom, my dad, and my sister) all ended up moving half-way across the country because my dad's son (so my step-brother with literally no blood relation to me at all) had kidney failure and my dad was a possible donor.

Three years after the move (and a lot of anxiety and depression and fear on my part) the surgery finally happened.  And while I was very glad and relieved for everything working out, I was so far gone in my anxiety by this point that I ... that I couldn't even .. I coudn't fucking muster up the will and strength to visit their fucking hospital room I coudn't fucking - I couldn't curb the anxiety enough to visit my dad - one of the most important people in my life - in his hospital room after he'd selflessly given up his kidney (and there was no hesitation at all and dad is just such a good man) and was in surgery for hours.

And I felt like the scum of the earth.

I can't - I can't tell you how much I hated myself for that.  I hated that I just - I couldn't fucking get my shit together and go see my dad as he laid prone on a hospital bed after doing one of the most amazing, selfless, wonderful things ever.  

I ... I can't even.  I cried, and still do (read: as I write this) when I think about it because - because he, he doesn't blame me for it.  He doesn't hold it against me and sometimes I think that he should.  He should feel sad or angry or something!  

It was really around that time that I decided that - that this was a problem.  

My dad - who'd taken care of me for no reason other than he cared and stayed with my mom even tho their marriage was long over by the time I could really understand.  My dad - who doesn't even have any blood relation to me, and yet still cares and lets me stay with him on the weekends, and is always there even after he and my mom split.

My dad, who I didn't even know wasn't my "father" until after I'd turned 7, never once made me feel inferior for who I was born to, what I felt, how I handled things ... the man that means so much to me.  

And yet I feel a constant irrational need to meet his expectations (even tho I know all he wants is to see me be successful and happy) and constant irrational fear that he won't want to be my dad anymore once he - once - fuck

once he realizes I'm fucked up and scared and wrong

And like, I know it's irrational and stupid and dumb because he isn't like that - I KNOW THAT - but like my anxiety and fears won't let me believe it. And that's why I have such a hard time coming to terms with who I am.  

Becuase I can't even muster up the courage to face my dad and say 'I need therapy' or 'hey, dad .. I'm queer' or even just 'dad .. I think I need some help.' because I don't want to let him down and it's just so overwhelming sometimes.

But then there's also the issue with my mom.  I love my mom, don't get me wrong - I really do.  I love her very much, but ... but I don't really - .. like her sometimes.  I don't like that she has a double standard set for me and my sibling(s) - that she expects me to be someone I'm not.  How she assumes I'm okay and honestly just have a small case of depression and/or anxiety and that can be fixed.

I don't like that, now that my sister has moved out (my biological sister that is) my mom has decided to hinder me from becoming someone - getting my life together, getting a degree, making progress ... all in a selfish attempt to 'keep her chicks in the next.' or something

I have serious issues - more than just depression and anxiety and fear.  I don't have any idea of my sexual identity, my biological identity (because I know I'm not cis, and the only thing that I can put it in is 'fluid' but it's not really that either) - I don't know a lot of things about myself and it's terrifying.

But I want to fix it.  I want - need - the help.  

I'm just at that point in my life where everything is shit, I have no idea what to do or how to do it and there's honestly there's just so much I could do, so much I have to do ... and it's daunting and scary and honestly just so stressful and probably going to give me heart failure but I want to get better.

And if there's one thing I've learned, is that you can't help someone if they don't want to be helped and that goes both ways.  You can't get help unless you admit you need it and seek it out.

I just hope that what (admittedly heavy but still little) I've shared of my fears and needs and honest issues actually goes into helping you out, because I've learned that you can glean just about anything from someone else's story that may just help you.