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stupidbraingoesbrrrrr · 2 years

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My DC fic, which got deleted on Ao3.

Deadinside&outside @Schrödingersbastard

I’m going to see if I can do the tide pod challenge

Dildo @OhGodWHY

JASON, NO.

Deadinside&outside @Schrödingersbastard

Jason maybe.

Damian Wayne-Al Ghul @DamianWAG

Todd, do not do this (Do it, do it, do it).

Deadinside&outside @Schrödingersbastard

Jason yes!

Bruce Wayne @BWayneOffical

JASON TODD WAYNE NO.

Deadinside&outside @Schödingersbastard

JASON FUCK YES!

CEO Wayne Enterprises @TimothyDrake

You do realise that trend was, like 2 years ago? Do something original, but in a controlled environment, A.k.a, don’t do it Jason.

Deadinside&outside @Schrödingersbastard

Good point, I will instead hit up @PHDClown for some toxin

Harlsey @PHDClown

I got some for ya!

Caffine @keyboardsmash

Didn't Jason Todd die, like, twenty years ago?

sToPiTgEtSoMeHeLp @stephthemeth

I got us matching friendship bracelets, and you say I don't care about our relationship.

CEO Wayne Enterprises @TimothyDrake

These are handcuffs.

sToPiTgEtSoMeHeLp @stephthemeth

Yeah, 'cause we're partners in crime!

CEO Wayne Enterprises @TimothyDrake

I fucking love you

Deadinside&outside @Schödingersbastard

*accidentally does something well* Ah shit I’ve given them standards now.

Will kill dudes @Cassassain

I am 80% speed, 50% hero and 70% legend.

sToPiTgEtSoMeHeLp @stephthemeth

That's 200%.

Will kill dudes @Cassassain

I'm twice the Huntress you'll ever be.

Duke of Puns @Imtiredok?

My Chocolate milk is bitter, what's wrong with this chocolate milk?

Barbara Gordon @BabsGordon

Dark milk isn't chocolate milk. This is raw cow's milk. The bitterness of the chocolate brings out the sourness in the milk.

Duke of Puns @Imtiredok?

That's the worst part of both of those things!

Duke of Puns @Imtiredok?

Hey, do you know how long it takes until you start hallucinating from sleep deprivation?

Barbara Gordon @BabsGordon

I’ll check.

CEO Wayne Enterprises @TimothyDrake

Seventy-two hours.

Barbara Gordon @BabsGordon

...How do you?

CEO Wayne Enterprises @TimothyDrake

There's a vampire behind Bruce and he's making fun of me

CEO Wayne Enterprises @TimothyDrake

You didn't happen to bring any coffee, did you?

Damian Wayne-Al Ghul @DamianWAG

Milk and sugar.

CEO Wayne Enterprises @TimothyDrake

Oh, awesome. You're a lifesaver.

CEO Wayne Enterprises @TimothyDrake

Wait, is this just milk and sugar?

Damian Wayne-Al Ghul @DamianWAG

That's what I said.

CEO Wayne Enterprises @TimothyDrake

I have a complicated relationship with sleep. By which I mean if I ever meet its god I can and will make them fear me so much they never come near me again.

Damian Wayne-Al Ghul @DamianWAG

Wow, this parking is as straight as I am.

[ID: Image of Bruce’s newest car, park half on the curb, half on the road. Bruce very tiredly getting out of the driver’s seat and getting scolded by Alfred.]

Bruce Wayne @BWayneOffical

I know I should be focused on the fact that you just came out, but HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY PARKING!

Bruce Wayne @BWayneOffical

you ever see something that changes your life and you're just like "huh.."

Clark Kent @DailyPlanetMan

i saw you.

Bruce Wayne @BWayneOffical

honestly that's so cute and sweet but it kinda makes this awkward because i was gonna show you a picture of Alfred the cat in a turkey costume

Slade @bladesfordays

I can't decide if I need 50 cups of coffee or a month's worth of sleep.

Dildo @OhGodWHY

How about a hug? :D

Slade @bladesfordays

…

Slade @bladesfordays

Fine.

Dildo @OhGodWHY

Hello? @BWayneOfficial , where on earth are you?

Bruce Wayne @BWayneOffical

I waved to a man because I thought he was waving at me. Apparently, he was waving to the guy behind me. So to get out of the awkward situation, I kept my hand up so a taxi pulled over and drove me to the port. I am now in Kazimierz, investigating a new case. I should be home by Thursday.

Dildo @OhGodWHY

Wait, wha-

CEO Wayne Enterprises @TimothyDrake

Understandable, have a nice day.

*Five Gays*

Jaybitch (9 hours ago)

what tHE FUCK DID I JUST SAW

Timhoe

Jason it's 4am

Timhoe

it better be important

Jaybitch

stfu timmy I'm going through something

Jaybitch

is the mansion haunted???

Timhoe

what

Jaybitch

I was half asleep and then?? A big shadow was towering over me??

Jaybitch

and don't tell me it was a dream bc I heard the door closing

Devil spawn

It was father

Timhoe

oh yeah, he does that sometimes

Jaybitch

excuse me what

Jaybitch

why is the old bat watching me sleep???

Timhoe

he wasn't, it's winter

Jaybitch

and??

Timhoe

he probably wasn't able to sleep, so he was making sure we're all warm so we don't catch a cold

Devil spawn

He just left my room

Jaybitch

damn, the older he gets the crazier...

Dildo (5 hours ago)

what the heck

Dildo

so the winter fairy isn't real :c??

Running On Jellybeans @JonKent

Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life.

Damian Wayne-Al Ghul @DamianWAG

It would be nice to get my sense of purpose back.

Will kill dudes @Cassassain

Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this.

sToPiTgEtSoMeHeLp @stephthemeth

My will to live! I haven't seen this in 10 years!

Deadinside&outside @Schödingersbastard

I knew I lost that potential somewhere!

Dildo @OhGodWHY

Mental stability, my old friend!

Running On Jellybeans @JonKent

Guys, could you lighten up a little?

Dildo @OhGodWHY

QUICK! I need $10000 because I have ADHD and am bisexual!

Damian Wayne-Al Ghul @DamianWAG

When I was 7 I had a crush on a guy in my class & didn’t know how to deal w it so I wrote him a letter that just said “get out of my school”

Damian Wayne-Al Ghul @DamianWAG

We are now dating.

Running On Jellybeans @JonKent

I had a dream last night that I was being chased by Freddy Kruger throught out my house, but when he ran by my dog he stopped to pet him, looked at me and went, “what? It’s not his nightmare. He’s a good boy.”

Running On Jellybeans @JonKent

and that’s why I’m not sure if taking NyQuil is a good idea.

Dildo @OhGodWHY

For anyone thinking, without a doubt that my father is Batman, no, he’s not.

CEO Wayne Enterprises @TimothyDrake

He cries during every Disney film and forgets where every bathroom is in the manor.

Damian Wayne-Al Ghul @DamianWAG

For context, we have quite a few, over fifty if I remember correctly.

Harlsey @PHDClown

For anyone wondering, I’m not with the Joker anymore, I am in a loving relationship with @veganbiby and we’re getting married in three months.

Harlsey @PHDClown

AND! @BWayneOfficial is coming as my best man! :D

Daily Planet @DPOfficial

Congrats, but why Bruce Wayne? – Clark

Harlsey @PHDClown

Wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy?

Gay asf @homopromo

Holy Shit, Harley Quinn knows vines???!!

Harlsey @PHDClown

My wonderful gf is made of vines

Gay asf @homopromo

You bi?

Harlsey @PHDClown

Duke of Puns @Imtiredok?

As someone who has joined the Wayne’s in the most recent months, Bruce literally doesn’t know what’s happening, like, half of the time.

Duke of Puns @Imtiredok?

He thinks that the Joker is just a party city clown.

Barbara Gordon @BabsGordon

I mean, he’s not wrong

Batman(the real one) @BatManOffical

I have had to rescue him so many times

Slade @bladesfordays

I genuinely don’t know how he raised ten kids.

Slade @bladesfordays

But they are all gay and mentally ill, so I blame Bruce.

Slade @bladesfordays

My husband is the only reason I’m not dead yet.

Harlsey @PHDClown

You literally have accelerated healing.

Slade @bladesfordays

He is still the only reason I am not dead.

Slade @bladesfordays

Have you seen those thighs?

Harlsey @PHDClown

🥴 Good point.

The professor ain’t dead @lattehawtte

Okay, but I’ve been off Twitter for five days and I come back and found out that

The professor ain’t dead @lattehawtte

a) SLADE WILSON the MERCENARY is married to one of Bruce Wayne’s kids.

The professor ain’t dead @lattehawtte

b) Jason Todd is being impersonated

The professor ain’t dead @lattehawtte

c) Harley Quinn knows what vine is, is dating Poison Ivy (I luv them), and used to date one of the Wayne kids (the one who is married to Slade)

The professor ain’t dead @lattehawtte

d) all the kids are queer icons, and Bruce is a tired dad who can’t survive by himself and may or may not be dating Batman.

Hermit the frog @darwars

Wait, why would he date Batman???

The professor ain’t dead @lattehawtte

Haven’t you seen how Superman and Batman look at each other?

Hermit the frog @darwars

Wait, so Superman is Bruce?

The professor ain’t dead @lattehawtte

Yeah, and Batman is that Daily Planet reporter, Clark Kent.

Clark Kent @DailyPlanetMan

Wow, I’m Batman!!

World peace baby! @JLeagueWW

Everyone at the JL, knowing Batman & Superman’s identities:

Gif: Micheal Jackson eating popcorn

-Flash

The professor ain’t dead @lattehawtte

WAIT, YOU GUYS KNOW THEIR IDENTITY?!!

World peace baby! @JLeagueWW

We have movie nights and have rooms up in the space station. – Green Lantern

Hermit the frog @darwars

CAN I VISIT!? I CAN’T WORK FOR NASA AND WANT TO GO TO SPACE!

World peace baby! @JLeagueWW

Sure! – Green Lantern

Hermit the frog @darwars

Okay, but GL genuinely came to my place, picked me up, and took me to space. It was awesome.

Caffeine @keyboardsmash

Hey @PHDClown , why are you bestie with himbo BW??? Like, lemme know, pls.

Harlsey @PHDClown

Oh, that’s hard to explain, but I’ll let you in on a secret. *Get closer*

Caffeine @keyboardsmash

*Scootches closer*

Harlsey @PHDClown

Every time he and his hoard of children have a movie night, I get to go. It is utter chaos and I thrive in there.

Harlsey @PHDClown

My lovely Fiancé would like me to add that she thinks it’s basically a playdate for me.

Damian Wayne-Al Ghul @DamianWAG

She’s also my Godmother.

The professor ain’t dead @lattehawtte

Can I just ask, where do all the Gotham vigilantes live?? The kid I babysit for is very effing concerned about y’all not having houses.

Free Wifi @Signalboost

I live in a dorm with five other bats

Nanananana @BATGIRL!

Home.

Batman(therealone) @BatManOffical

In my cave, or with Bruce Wayne

(edited)

Robin @RobinOfficial

With Batman, or my mum, they’re divorced.

SPOILERS! @nahjustkidding

With Oracle.

Bi, Bi, Bi! @Biwing

With the Teen Titans. And also a mass murderer.

I’mnotthatredrobin @RedRobbinyou

With my sugar baby.

| |

No @Redh00d

With my sugar daddy.

I can see your future @Oraclin

With spoiler, or my dad. Also, my partners.

The professor ain’t dead @lattehawtte

She is still concerned. But are you guys ok?

Super Man @SoupmanOffical

As someone who knows all of them, their birthdays, and their identities. No, most of their expenses are therapy bills.

Boogara @SeceretLesbian

Okay, thread incoming about the Wayne family/Batfamily(1/?)

Boogara @SeceretLesbian

First, Jason Todd is alive again? The Wayne’s were talking to a Jason, and they called him Todd? Like how did he come back to life? (2/?)

Boogara @SeceretLesbian

Secondly, Bruce has been seen with Daily Planet reporter Clark Kent, who is allegedly Batman, which means if he lives occasionally with Bruce, they’re a couple. (3/?)

Boogara @SeceretLesbian

Robin also mentioned he lives with his dad who is Batman, and that his mum and dad are divorced, and Clark Kent is divorced and had a kid from his marriage. (4/?)

Boogara @SeceretLesbian

Additionally, Red Hood and Red Robin are dating? Or are at least having sex with benefits. (5/?)

Boogara @SeceretLesbian

ALSO, IN TERMS OF RELATIONSHIPS, WHY WHEN HOW DID DICK, HIMBO DICK GRAYSON MARRY AN ASSAIN?? Like, the man’s hot, but the amount of blood on his hands? Insane. (6/?)

Boogara @SeceretLesbian

Honourable mention, @PHDClown is besties with BW and the Godmother to one of his kids. Like, I am so happy this is the more popular clown, she is worth it. (7/?)

Boogara @SeceretLesbian

Unrelated, but I also made a table on how many times Ryan should’ve won PH.

Shane Madej @shanemadej

Ryan never should’ve won, he wasn’t a seadog, he was never a beefboy.

Boogara @SeceretLesbian

SHANENJDFL;KSJDN;ZBVNKM????

Shane Madej @shanemadej

Also, he made a deal with the devil, he should’ve known what would come.

Ryan Bergara @ryansbergara

@SeceretLesbian please DM me the list.

Boogara @SeceretLesbian

One question for @PHDClown , are you the wine aunt or the vodka aunt?