#Oh my goodness he canonically has a crush on him argh

[unfortunate-cantaloupe]

Terribly sorry for the horrendous photos taken from my TV screen but the man has got it BAD

[petri808]

Sixteen Weeks and Counting

@inukag-week Highschool AU canon divergence, 7 part/prompt by day story

Parts: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7  Day 7- Time 

A school science project can be tough enough but for Kagome Higurashi her semester was gearing up to be a hell of a ride when she’s paired up with the class slacker…

It was just too awkward for them to work together alone anymore but the project still needed to be completed.  They kept up a front in class and lied to Mrs. Taisho that Inuyasha was going over to Kagome’s house afterschool on Fridays.  But what was really happening is they’d split the project, Kagome would finish the paper, and Inuyasha would complete the Powerpoint portion.  The plan had been working for the past three weeks and paid off when they’d successfully stood before the class and presented their project on Wind & Air Pressure Dynamics.

Just perfect, Kagome sighs as she took her seat again.  The project was over, only a week and a half left of school when they would be graduating then it’s off to college in the Fall.  Well, it’s not like she was leaving town but who knows, she side-eyes the hanyo on her left, maybe in the Spring I’ll enroll further away.  Stop it!  She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.  Being in the middle of class reallywasn’t the time to ruminate.  

After the bell rings, he watches Kagome gather her belongings and shuffle out of class along with the other students.  Inuyasha knew she was still upset, but he really didn’t know what to do about it. This whole semester had gone from bad to amazing to crash and burn like a train about to run off its tracks and the stupid part is he really was the reason for every single rollercoaster hill. Ugh!  Inuyasha drops his head onto the desk, ears flattened, with his fists clenched and claws digging into his palms.  

“Inuyasha,” Mrs. Taisho places a hand on the hanyo’s shoulder, “what’s the matter with you?”

“I fucked up big time…” he mumbles without raising his head, “again…”

“It’s about Kagome isn’t it?”  She sighs and takes a seat in one of the chairs.  “I had a feeling that something wasn’t right.  Wanna tell me what happened.”

“Not really.”

“It couldn’t hurt. Maybe there’s something I can help you with.”

Inuyasha sits up and looks at his sister-in-law Kagura for a moment, mulling over the decision. Eventually his shoulders droop along with his ears.  “Alright…”

Once he started, the words poured out.  For about 30 minutes Kagura sat in silence while Inuyasha goes over everything that happened that night at Shiba Ramen and the subsequent weeks since then.  His mind was settled on the Kikyo part, because she did try to rekindle things and he’d shot her down.  Inuyasha knew in his heart the crush he had developed on Kagome was real and true, and that the only things keeping him from making the plunge was fear itself.  He had jumped into a fast-blown relationship with Kikyo and it ended poorly, and that was certainly not what he wanted to happen again.  Kagome was clearly a step above him and destined for better things. She was graduating near the top of their class and on her way to a great university while he had no idea what the next step was going to be beyond simply getting to walk the line.  

“What good am I for someone like her, when the last thing she needs is someone that might hold her back.”

This was the first time Kagura had ever witnessed the hanyo break down.  Even after his mother passed away, while she assumed, he had shed a tear, it was never in the presence of another.  Inuyasha’s coping methods had been to clam up, grow moody, distant, and yet now…. She was taken aback by how much of an effect one girl has had on him.  As much as the two rarely saw eye to eye, she found it almost amusing how so alike he and his brother really were.  

“Never thought I’d see the day that you would actually fear something.”  She tries unsuccessfully to keep from chuckling.  “That girl has done what no one has ever been able to do and that’s break through the wall you put up all those years ago.  Are you really going to let your insecurities and fears of what could happen stop you from possibly gaining the best thing you might ever have in your life?  Come now, Inuyasha, that doesn’t sound like the hanyo I’ve come to know.”

“But I don’t know how to fix this…. How to talk to her again….”

“Just tell her, just like you told me,” she leans over and points at his heart, “from here.  Find the right moment and just do it, but don’t wait too long or she will slip through your fingers and you will regret it for the rest of your life.”

One thing was for certain, that night was the most restless night of his life.

‘Lucky to be hanyo,’ he groaned as he sat through class the next day.  Morning wasn’t so much the problem but after lunch it was becoming a semi struggle to stay awake which really sucked because he had to read a poem out loud in that class.  ‘At least I got to go second.  Maybe now I can relax.’  He almost fell asleep.  

Kagome stood up for her turn and heads over to the front of the class, clutching to her paper. Inuyasha’s ears flick forward, but he keeps his eyes averted to his desk top.  He doesn’t see the slight, almost unnoticeable tremble in her fingers as she begins to speak.

Aww, fuck.  By the end of the first line he knew this was gonna hurt.  His eyes drift shut and all he could do was die a little more inside.      

Her tone was smooth, her cadence slow as she channeled the very essence behind her poem.  It spoke of winter.  Of the fluffy white snow and how it’s beauty and elegance could mesmerize. Falling, softly, floating through the air like an angel to kiss your cheeks.  And on sunnier days, you could almost forget about the chill that winter brings when wrapped in such spellbinding charms.  But then the blizzard comes, cold and frightful.  Blustery winds entrapping you behind walls that you cannot break free of, leaving you dark and alone… helpless.  Praying for the snow to end its torture...                        

All of the practice she had done in front of a mirror had paid off in keeping her from breaking down in the middle of the reading.  And maybe in a way, it actually felt better getting it out.  The poem was to let go of some of the pain so she could move forward.  Kagome could see the effects it was having on Inuyasha.  She couldn’t lie that a small part of her wasn’t happy to see him tormented. But that wasn’t what she really wanted and as she sat back down and filed away her paper, the relief she had hoped for never came.    

As soon as school let out, Inuyasha tracked Kagome down.  He knew her class schedule, so it wasn’t difficult, thought it seems she had planned to make a quick exit that day.  By the time he saw her she was already walking out the front door.  He pushes through the throngs of students all making their way toward the exit.  Ugh! He wished the ceilings were higher so he could jump!  

“Kagome!” He screamed at her fleeting back, her legs carrying her away as swiftly as it could. Damn it!  Once he was in the open, he threw out the rules against using their abilities on school property and made the leap.  One bound, two bounds, pushing his legs as hard as he could.  “Kagome!”  Oh, this woman!  He was sure she could hear him calling her!  One last jump and he lands ahead of her.  She pauses briefly and shifts course down a small alley way.  Inuyasha growls, and using a couple of walls, he manages again to get ahead of her, grabbing her arm before she could bolt again.  “Woman, stop running from me!”

“Let me go Inuyasha!” She yanks at her arm, but his grip is too tight.  “If it’s about the poem…”

“It is and it isn’t,” he states matter of fact.  “But we really must talk, now.”  Sweeping Kagome out from under her legs, he picks her up, holding on tight, and takes to the sky once more.  She continues to cuss him out, but fear of falling keeps her from fighting his hold. Over rooftops and through alleys, staying out of the main thoroughfares, Inuyasha scans for an area with little to no humans around.  He wanted privacy and finally finds it in Ueno Park.    

“You better have a damn good reason to have brought me so far away from home,” she spits out as she adjusts her clothing.  Crossing her arms, “what do you want?”

“Look, I know I suck with words and I don’t know how to… argh!”  he runs his hand down his face.  “Oh, fuck it all!”  

Just as Kagome is about to respond, Inuyasha grabs her by the waist and slams his lips against hers. “Oof!” Her eyes expand and she goes stiff for a moment as her brain and body come to terms with what was happening. Even after he lets her go, she stares wide-eyed and speechless.      

“Please Kagome, I’m sorry!” he blurts out.  “I’m an idiot, I know I’m an idiot.  I was confused and I didn’t wanna hurt you.  I--I was afraid,” his ears droop and head hang’s low.  “Okay, there I said it.  I was afraid if I let you in, sooner or later you’d realize you deserved better than some lowly hanyo.”      

Kagome blinks as her shaky fingers brush against her lips and her cheeks feel like they are on fire.  “I-Inuyasha, wh-why would you ever think that?” Moisture floods her tear ducts, “you are so much better than you believe to be.” Reaching up to caress his cheek, “I saw that with my own eyes, how you grew so much over this semester.”  She smiles, “I got to see the real you come out and that’s who I fell in love with.”

“But, what if…”

“No one knows the future Inuyasha, not even the Kami’s themselves.  We just have to keep walking forward.”  She takes his hand.  “Come on,” giving it a small squeeze, “how about you start by making up for that Shiba date night with me?”

He groans, “that doesn’t mean with Sango and Miroku too, right?”

Kagome chuckles, “no, this time,” leaning in for a kiss, “let it be just the two of us...”

[1358456]

Review Response, June 2-8, 2019

I was supposed to do this yesterday but I was sooo tired... I’m doing it now instead! “Fortunately” there hasn’t been any latecoming reviews so the delay doesn’t change anything at all.

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Destiny #004

1) Tbh I don’t know what to say anymore, your writing is good. Your plot is amazing, it hooks people (or it did to at least me), and your characters are pretty consistent. I’m glad we got to see what Blue wrote, and it perfectly matched with her actions. And the fact that Green will have a really hard time finding where Blue is, is killing me. Nonetheless I love that Sapphire and Ruby are finally being introduced! And KEK it’s so typical of Sapphire to be fighting in her secret base and have Ruby walk in on her doing it with shopping bags in hand. They’re perfectly in character and I love it. But I’m also mourning for the dolls because they were cute. They just had to be destroyed, huh? In any case, you’re really making me worried for the other dexholders here. A bunch of them have mega stones, and after seeing what happened to X and Y I’m worried for them! Dam Y has a nasty bruise, and X didn’t get away unscathed. This dude is powerful and he’s going to give the dexholders a really hard time. You already know that I’m just worried about them kek. I know I said I didn’t have much to say, but well, I lied. I really like this chapter and idk why exactly. It’s different from the other chapters and again, idk why. Whatever, thank you again for writing this! I feel like I have more to say but I’m short: This is really good. I can’t wait for the next chapter. Until next time!

Thank you! Oh, Blue. So heartbroken and lonely... It’s so sad to see someone like her drifting away, isn’t it? And yep. Sapphire is sparring inside her secret base near all the fragile stuff because deep inside, she just wants to annoy Ruby and get on his nerves. Hehe. But... the dolls. It’s not without sacrifice.

Indeed a bunch of Dex Holders have Mega Stones, but the Kanto ones do not in Destiny, since the story began before XY and ORAS remotely got close to that point of reveal. So that’s a bit less to worry about, but that also means all the targets are the younger ones... ooh...

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Destiny #005

1) ARGH. Reading the battle scene (especially the one with Platinum and the others) was horrible for me. Speaking of battles, something I've realized is that you write them quite well. It's very difficult for a writer to write battles, and not bore the reader with too many details, or being too vague, but I feel you handled it excellently. The reader doesn't really need to know how pokémon fight, just reading your description was honestly enough. It was engaging, not lengthy or arduous in the way readers might tend to skim over the boring paragraphs. So again, nice job on that. Though one other thing. About the ending... sdadoifhaoighvdjbfoiah. Hooooo boi. He was definitely talking about Blue there, and I cannot help but think that Blue is such a good person but after all that's happened to her she just might side with him! I don't think this is the case, but I mean ya never know! Or... maybe she'll pretend to join him. And then once she's gained their trust, crush them! Oh that would be satisfying. Oh, you know what was satisfying? Platinum slapping the dude. When she did that in the inside I was celebrating. I felt that it was perfect timing too. You built up this character, and had each dexholder he battled with be defeated. And then finally when he gets to lovable, albeit cold, Platinum, he still defeats her (which that did indeed break my heart) but he gets slapped! And that I felt was so satisfying because finally this piece of shit of a motherfucker was getting a bit of the treatment I feel he deserved by none other than Platinum. Sorry, it's just I felt immense joy at that part. Hehe, in any case the interaction between Ruby and Sapphire was spot on just like last time. I really love how they are and they way you write it is just beautiful. Anyways, feeling relieved for Emerald, worried for Blue, devastated about Platinum, Diamond, and Pearl, and um can't wait for the heartbreak! Anyways, thank youuuuuu again. You're really lovely and I love you for writing this.

The battle scenes... I try to incorporate game mechanics as much as I can combined with some reality stuff. Like Pokemon aren’t going to be just standing there, waiting to take hits in turn. They’re not English... er... Galar. And I think what it would be like if the battle scenes were animated. A lot of stuff happens quickly, and so the text should reflect that. And there’s no time to drag out what’s happening with needless details, when there are so much other stuff that needs to happen, you know?

Oh, Blue... “Not all who wander are lost.” Now, is she just wandering, or is she lost? Ohoho...

Platinum was crushed, which hurts me too. The slap... I’m not quite sure if that fits her character, but I think it fit the moment. And important for the plot! And hey now. The Mega Hunter was based on a real life friend, who’s also on Discord!

Can’t wait for heartbreak, eh? Ohoho. Don’t you worry. Just keep on reading and you’ll see! :)

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DE #030

1) SHIT SHIT SHIT. WHY THE FUCK DID GREEN HAVE TO LEAVE. SHIT.

Why did he leave? ... Let’s see... DE #030 was the resurrection chapter on Valentine’s Day, and the dude wasn’t even mentioned... Ah. So why is he just like... non-existent? Pairing Shift. That dude does not work in relationships without me ignoring his canon personality traits. And given Blue’s canon personality traits, she’s not going to stick around him when he so clearly doesn’t want her around. So... that combined with the random ass appearance in XY, he has been forever banished into the void.

[franeridart]

WHOA BLACK CLOVER HAS AN ANIME NOW I GOTTA GO WATCH IT

Well, only the first episode for now but yeah!!! I can’t wait for my favs to show up aaahhhhhh!!!!!! 

Anon said:Omg, Kirishima, please teach me how to put on eyeliner, your eyeliner game is on point! (Seriously, tho, I love how you draw their eyes and how you draw Kiri in general. He seems so soft. Damn, Bakugou, I'm jealous that you can cuddle him)

THANK YOU!!!! And Kiri has really really pretty lashes in the manga too, doesn’t he? Bakugou too! They have seriously pretty eyes I spend a lot of time trying to get that right when drawing haha still not as good at Horikoshi tho after all, but what can we do~

Anon said:Every time I get a notification you posted something I get extremely happy! That's what your drawings did to me. How can one be so talented.

SOB thank you so much!! You being happy makes me happy so it’s happiness all around!!! What a good!!!

Anon said:Heey!! So I've been wondering... if Aizawa used his quirk on Hagakure would she become visible?? (Btw love your art)

Oh my what a question, I was actually talking about this not too long ago with a friend! And the conclusion ended up being that if her invisibility is a permanent mutation he can’t, but if she can turn it off at will then probably he can too! Right now we still don’t know how exactly Tooru’s quirk tho, so we can’t be sure which is the truth! (I like to think she can turn visible if she wants, but that’s just an headcanon with very little basis haha)

Anon said:Your erasermic art has blessed me 4ever thank u

NAH thank you for liking it and letting me know, man!!!

Anon said:I DIDNT KNOW YOU SHIP ERASERMIC OH MY GOD but seriously you're one of my favourite artists and the fact you like pretty much all the same things as I do is so amazing to me and it makes me so happy because I know that you may draw more of it in the future and I'll get to see more beautiful art if that makes sense lmao thanks for creating stuff 👌👌

Hahahaha yeah it’s one of my top ships in the fandom! Also the only one I read fics for aside from krbk I love them A LOT (and it’s all thanks to my sister who directed my attention towards them a long time ago now, thank you sis) so yeah I’ll definitely draw more of them in the future!!!! And thank you so much for liking my stuff!!!!!

Anon said:Hi! I just want to say I love your headcanon of Aizawa becoming a mentor/role model to Bakugou! Thank you for introducing me to that idea!

YOU’RE MOST WELCOME I’m just a huge huge huge fan of the Aizawa&Bakugou interactions and how much Aizawa cares for him and how much Bakugou respects and trusts him in return, so!!! I’m mostly just pushing on that canon stuff hahaha

Anon said:HORY SHEET BOYO THAT ERASERMIC SHIT IS GOOD SHIT

THANK YOU FRIEND!!!

Anon said:i came to love erasermic thru kiribaku tbh. like i saw erasermic fic in the kiribaku tag on ao3 and i read it for the bg kiribaku (kirishima was such a good boi in that fic ngl) and i was like hey erasermic isnt bad. then i saw your art of them comparing them and i was like hey this is good shit 😁👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌 keep it up pal

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’ll t r y !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :O

Anon said:Do you think Kyoka and Katsuki could get along? Over their like for punkrock maybe, and their gayness. Kinda like Todoroki and Momo's talks about their tiny crushes.

WHY YES ANON I think they could be the bestest of pals, I’ve actually drawn them together now and again cause I like the idea of them being friends so much - a list of some of the things Bakugou and Jirou do together:

make fun of Kaminari (Kaminari feels attacked and liked it better when Jirou was convinced she didn’t like Bakugou)

share music recs and go to concerts together (when it’s big ones they particularly care for they stand in line The Whole Day and at first it used to be sorta awkward but now being together makes the hours fly)

mutter sass and snark under their breaths to themselves in class and without meaning make the other snort or have to hide an actual laugh (they sit next to each other in class did you know that that’s my fav thing tbh)

say “god, I’m so fucking gay” and answer “mood” whenever Kirishima and Momo, like, exist or do anything equally outrageous

sit next to each other with their phones in hand in silence and at the same time look up with an intense/bored/obviously-judging-sero-come-on-look-at-them expression whenever anyone walks past them (they’re actually playing bullshit app games)

play bullshit app games in co-op or having each other as friends to earn more rewards cause they have a No-Judging policy going on between them that makes sharing this sort of otherwise embarrassing stuff with each other okay

Anon said:Hi!!! I love your art and I just wanted to ask....what band were you referring to when you said Mic named him after the band "eraserhead"? Could you possibly be talking about the filipino band "Eraserheads"?

Yeah!!!!! Tho I’m sorry to let you down anon, but I haven’t actually ever heard much from them (justttt one song two days ago cause I got curious) - I found out about them while looking up the movie!

Anon said:I love how you draw mic with his hair in a bun. It's super cute

THANK YOU!!!! But I can’t really take the merit for that, since that’s how he actually wears his hair (more or less) when he doesn’t gel it up for his hero costume!

Anon said:What is your favorite kiribaku au? :D

Oh boy, I sort of love everything and anything I’ve ever seen/read tbh, I’m a HUGE AU lover!! At the moment to anything with the fantasy AU (and dragon!Kiri is always a super welcome plus) is gonna make me go :O !!!!!!!! hahaha so maybe that, who knows! It’s for sure the one I think about the most!

Anon said:Hellooooo i love your art so much? Especially the bakushimas oh my god (also do you plan on drawing more soul eater *coughs*-deathstar-*coughs* in the future?) Have a good day!!

THANK YOU! And I dunno, maybe! If inspiration strikes, why not!

Anon said:hey guess what i just did... went through your ENTIRE art tag (all the way back to the knb and one piece), i found it really cool to see how your art has developed and see what your fav ship is at a certain time (and how you always come back to bokuroo)

Ah man thank you for spending all that time on my blog hahaha I wouldn’t say I always go back to bokuro though? It’s more like... whenever the manga brings the bokuros back I’m ready to start hyping all over them again hahaha my bokuro periods always happened while they were doing things in the manga, after all~

Anon said:u said u couldnt draw iida, lie of the century. i lvoe u

AHHHHH I’m glad you liked him!!!! I spent lotsa time on him in the past month or so trying to get a grasp on him, so I’m really seriously happy it seems to have paid off!! to quote Todoroki

Anon said:where’s ur faq i’m on mobile

SORRY maybe you already noticed but I added the link in the description! 

Anon said:have you ever thought about if eri-chan can... erase her own quirk?? and would how they might handle it

Actually that’s the first thing I thought when Mirio got his own erased... well, it still depends on what exactly Eri’s quirk does? We sorta assumed she had the same quirk as Chisaki, but they aren’t actually related so who knows? I sure hope she can fix the damage done on Mirio, tho!

Anon said:I ADORE YOUR ART SO MUCH OH GOD HAVE A NICE DAY FRAN

OH MY GOD THANK YOU I HOPE YOU HAVE A NICE DAY TOO!!!

Anon said:Usjeiwiwj oh man, i love cats, my cat relates to urs big time ajsjehej

Cats are such a mess and I love them with all of my heart to be honest hahaha

Anon said:Do u have any, idk idea about traitor!Kaminari? I just imagine how would others react? I think it's hella sad, and still Denki never wanted this, something just go wrong in his life and it's breakin my heart... ARGH, sorry for interrupt you with something like that...

It’s okay, don’t worry about that haha but I can’t say I find the theory possible in the least, so I haven’t really spent time thinking about it at all? I mean, I can imagine it would be full of angst and regrets and a lot of tears and anger mostly from his close friends, but since I just can’t believe this theory I can’t say I have anything specific I can give you on this orz sorry!

Anon said:Who's get jealous and possessive between bakugou and kirishima?

Actually I dunno man, are they possessive and jealous? I feel like they both would like it when the other told them stuff like “I’m yours” or “you’re mine”, but being there complete and utter trust between them they wouldn’t actually be jealous or act in a possessive way... does that make sense? At most I think they’d be insecure in the beginning of their relationship, but once they managed to make it clear that yes, you’re the one I want, no one else, just you then they would have little to no problems in that sense haha

Anon said:So many people seem to misunderstand bakugou and I just really like how you portray him. Good characterization and good art! 💖✨

SOB THANK YOU !!!!! this means the universe to me oh g o d s!!!!

Anon said:Wait!! This isn't your main blog? Omg how did I not know this. What is your main blog (if you're willing to let people from this blog follow it haha)?

AHHHH yeah I have a main one this one is just for my doods!!! the main is @franeridan, if you wanna follow it! I’m mostly just crying over bakugou and kirishima and complaining a whole damn lot about... everything, tho hahaha

Anon said:I'm not the anon but u know the concept that kiri n Baku would meet when they were younger and when Baku was more... violent? (i know that's not the right word, I'm not a native speaker sorry!) Like I think kiri could actually make Baku less of a bully? Considering how much positive impact he had on his personality AFTER it already developed (like idk if this ask makes sense? What do u think?) ◇ (btw putting smth like ◇ was a genious idea ty, idk if u remember that ask tho?)

Yeah yeah yeah yeah!!!!! Actually I’ve been thinking about this A LOT in the past couple of days and my conclusion ended up being that the key would be either for Kirishima to know Bakugou since they were really young OR for him to not attend Bakugou’s same middle school? Like, if they developed their personalities together, having someone like Kirishima around since they were kids could have made Bakugou develop differently, but if we go with the “they met in middle school” scenario then I think Kirishima would have had the same sort of...soothing? Effect on Bakugou only if Bakugou didn’t see him as a threat to his dream of being the only kid from that middle school to enter UA. Well, a scenario in which they had known each other since they were small young babies and Bakugou reached middle school going “the only one from this middle school to enter UA is gonna be me and Eijirou”, that would have been hella cute wouldn’t it hahaha growing up with a notion of us instead of just me would have changed Bakugou a lot, I’m pretty sure :D

[orionsangel86]

12x19 - Episode Review - Intimacy, Love, Faith and mixtapes

What can I even say about this episode? Since my first watch I have been going around with a goofy grin on my face while thinking of nothing but mixtapes and intimate touches between two people who love each other so dearly that even the most stringent heteronormative people must be side eyeing the show thinking “that’s kinda gay”. When I try to think about the actual plot of the episode though and what will come of this in the finale? Well, I am a bit lost… though I do have some ideas. I can’t say I am entirely thrilled by the plot structure this season. Hence my long tumblr absences as well as limited thoughts and meta since 12x12. There is too much going on, too many stories which don’t seem to have any real connection. Also Lucifer really pisses me off as a character now and every time he is on screen I roll my eyes.

This episode wasn’t up there with the likes of 12x10 and 12x12 for quality. Then again as soon as the story turns back to Kelly and her unborn Satan spawn I do find it hard to stay switched on, but the destiel this episode was glorious and gave me a lot of hope for where Dabb intends to take this. Am I still annoyed that we are lacking Cas so much this half season? Yes. Very. The fact that he doesn’t return until the finale pisses me off to no end, I will most likely disappear again after writing this review and not comment on the episodes leading up to the finale unless Dean suddenly decides to jump out of the closet and hit on handsome bisexual Max next week as a rebound for all the rejection he suffered in 12x19. (honestly I am praying to the TV Gods that Max takes a liking to Dean and we get a good helping of Gay to get us through our Cas withdrawal symptoms).

Without any further rambling however here is my review of 12x19.

It gets long down there under the cut…

Take this mixtape for my heart… complete with kisses and songs about you

The best part about this episode? Destiel. Oh boy the destiel. It was so gloriously gay. I can’t even imagine how the antis and non-shippers are feeling about this! I am so very full of joy and glee about this!

We know from the opening sequence that Dean has been pining for Cas and worrying about Cas for a while now, but the glorious moment when Cas walks into the Bunker and Dean looks up at him is just…

Oh how very dramatic. The might as well have put him in soft focus and had a swell of romantic music as his lover returned home from war… seriously. But then all the DeanCas shots in this episode are framed so romantically/intimately. Kudos to Amanda Tapping for just getting it. (then again she was present during the most heartbreaking DeanCas scene of all time the crypt scene and therefore I have no doubt that she is very much aware of Destiel and its importance.

Once again this shot escalates into an argument between Dean and Cas that Sam is stuck in the middle of. I seriously love how this has continued throughout season 12. Sam is the poor third wheel stuck in the middle whilst his brother and brother in law have a lovers tiff.  

We get another classic confused kinda bitch face from Sam when Dean snaps at him because he dares to be nice to Cas…

Seriously we have now built up a nice collection of Sam bitchfaces and knowing looks when he is stuck having to deal with these two once again. Poor Sam. Let him save the day and get a dog and marry Eileen so he can finally get some PEACE! :P

“Not only were you ditching us you were ignoring us”.

“What the hells wrong with you man?”

We have a LOT of call backs to previous seasons in this episode. I mean A LOT of call backs. This one particularly was quite interesting as it threw us right back into Purgatory:

“I prayed to you Cas, every night”

“I know.”

“You know and you didn’t… What the hell’s wrong with you?”

So what does this mean? Already we have a call back to the start of season 8, which then lead to a whole story arc where Cas was brainwashed by the angels and ended with Dean managed to break through that brainwashing with the power of… platonic friendship pfft.

Doesn’t bode well for the end of this episode though does it?

Now we need to talk about the mixtape. Yes I know this has probably already been meta’d to death on tumblr. Yes I am sure some of you are sick of it (though be honest.. you aren’t really sick of it now are you? I know how long the “I love you” conversations lasted for after 12x12 aired so shut it and enjoy my meta thoughts too. :P )

Cas follows Dean back to his room (for the privacy of course – also note that he doesn’t feel he needs to explain himself to SAM) under the pretense of returning a mixtape that Dean gave him. My first though before we even GET to the subject of Dean giving Cas a mixtape in the first place, is why Cas is using the return of this very romantic gesture at all. Even with his knowledge of pop culture, I don’t think Cas realises the importance of giving someone a mixtape, hence him thinking he needed to return it in the first place. It was in no way a rejection from Cas (like he could reject Dean pfft). But Dean clarified that it was a gift anyway. Oh but can we just pause again and store this to fandom memory forever and ever?

DEAN WINCHESTER GAVE CASTIEL A MIXTAPE

And isn’t that the most beautiful, innocent, loving gesture that for these two macho manly gruff heros its almost too much to bare! Dean Winchester is such a fucking teddybear deep down I can’t quite stand it. Argh I love him so much for this moment!

So lets talk about this mixtape some more because I can’t get enough:

“Dean’s top 13 Zepp Traxx”

Except that’s not exactly what it says. Why two Xs rather than the correct spelling? Why the slight spacing between the “TRA” and the “XX”? Why, if you are spelling “Tracks” the ‘cool’ way would you not shorten it to “Trax” why two Xs unless those Xs also had a separate meaning loosly hidden in the spelling?

Basically those Xs are also ‘kisses’ and no one can tell me otherwise.

Isn’t that just a perfect mini metaphor for destiel itself though? The main text reading is that Dean has spelt the word the slang way, using the Xs as a fun way to spell the word only. Nothing suspicious here, totally platonic.

And yet everyone knows that Xs also mean kisses. Everyone.

The romantic message is hidden in the label. It isn’t totally obvious at first, but it is once you put it together with the general meaning of a mixtape.

Speaking of, for all you kiddies out there who haven’t lived in the age before CDs, ipods and MP3s, giving someone a mixtape has a HUGE meaning to it. It is also, without a doubt, always romantic.

I am sure that by the time I post this, the mixtape will have been meta’d to death on tumblr and you will all be flailing about it anyway… I know I was as soon as I first watched the episode. This is a big moment. No. Seriously. Friends don’t give friends mixtapes. People who love people and people who have major crushes on people give people mixed tapes. It is always always romantic in its meaning.

If we try to look for a platonic reading to this, perhaps Dean didn’t make this tape for Cas, perhaps its one he had lying around already (though the Xs kinda throw that reading out). Even so, it is still a mixtape that Dean made at some point and then gave to Cas. This is the canon. I just wish we could have seen the moment Dean gave it to him (probably shoved it at him with a gruff “here, you need to listen to some real music” whilst desperately trying and failing to stop himself blushing. I LOVE this and I wanna read that fanfiction.

To make this whole thing even more romantic. Dean confirms it himself. There is no denying it. “It’s a gift. You keep those” this wasn’t just something that Dean had lying around that Cas picked up and asked to borrow, it wasn’t something Dean just shoved at him and said “You need to listen to some decent music, take this” and didn’t think about it any more. Dean put thought into it because it was a gift specifically for Cas.

If only Cas had actually realised that fact. Though I will talk more about Cas’s continued unknowing rejection of Dean this episode a bit later… first this shot:

Its beautiful, and you all know me and my hand obsession in SPN. Hands have meaning. They are important. They leave a print. There is always intimacy in moments like this. The way Dean and Cas exchange touches throughout this season always brings me joy. This moment is no different.

I have decided to make a separate post about hands in this episode because I am a nerd who got super excited about all these beautiful close up hand shots that have such a massive significance. Anyway, back to the mixtape…

Ultimately, there was no plot related reason for the mixtape scene. Other than to give Cas an excuse to come find Dean… which he had anyway? To apologise and try to clear the air (and also to find the Colt) so… why the mixtape? Why even bring it into the show if not to emphasise Dean and Cas’s relationship and the romantic nature of it that is now more than heavily implied. After a previous one sided love confession how is ANYONE supposed to read their relationship as anything other than inherintly romantic?

Cas’s quiet “Oh” just infuriates me because REALLY CAS? You didn’t KNOW what that meant? Urgh. I mean, yeah okay so he never has been very good with the whole social conventions and stuff like that but still. Then Dean just goes and does something which makes me love him even more. He starts a conversation. Oh boy how he has grown. Communication is key and Dean FINALLY seems to be understanding this.

“Cas, you can’t… with everything that’s going on you can’t just go dark like that”

Interesting. Dark like Superman going darkside yeah? We are back to 6x20. We are seriously getting flashbacks to Destiel’s greatest hits in the space of a few minutes here. Also, this whole conversation is just so freaking intimate in the way it is shot, the dark moody lighting, the way both actors are speaking relatively softly compared to their usual gruff tones and just the sheer weight of emotion in Dean’s face.

Its forcing the viewer to get up close and personal with Dean’s feelings here. Forcing them to really consider how much he is hurting and therefore forcing them to ask the question WHY. Why does this make me, as a viewer, feel like I am intruding? Is this a common shot composition for friendly conversations between platonic friends?!? Um. Nope. Hence this ENTIRE SCENE SCREAMS ROMANCE. And also, sadly, betrayal.

At least we get an explanation from Cas. The thing is, we see Dean’s POV most of the time, therefore we don’t really get to understand Cas’s reasons for doing things, but this episode he does get a chance to justify his actions, and as expected, it all comes back to Dean…

“I needed to come back here with a win for you… for myself”

Because Cas has failed so much, is still suffering from depression (though it hasn’t been brought back into maintext for a while now) and is so conflicted on where he is supposed to be going nowadays. He has lost his mission, he has no riteous path, and no faith… and this episode is all about faith when you get down to it… faith and fate, destiny and hope for the future… though not from the right place (and we are now back even further – in season 5.) and Dean is desperate to get him back on track but still doesn’t really say the right things.

“We will find a better way”

“You mean we?” *gestures to the both of them

“Yes, dumbass, we.”

Dean is still having to clarify for Cas that he is part of their family and that they want him around. Cas still doesn’t get it, because even if Dean thinks he is being clear, he really isn’t. Not to someone who has struggled with their self worth, struggled with depression and feelings of total worthlessness. It will take far more than some words about the three of them to get Cas to realise just how much Dean cares. Remember folks, from Cas’s perspective, he has confessed his love and hasn’t heard it back. He didn’t a get a “I love you too” or even a “we love you too”. Just a “we ain’t leaving you behind”. Which is easy to explain away as the Winchesters not wanting people to die on their watch. The Winchesters always try to save people, meaning Cas isn’t any more special than any other random civilian who the Winchesters wouldn’t leave to die… when you think about it from Cas’s perspective, its still a bit of a kick in the teeth.  

“You, me… and Sam. We’re just better together” Again, Dean isn’t quite giving Cas what he needs? The pause, then the added “and Sam” just takes us right back to the beer run in 11x23 and Cas’s dissapointment, It becomes easy to understand Cas’s motivations when you look at it from a destiel perspective and consider that he has been rejected and continuously referred to as a third wheel to the brother dynamic. In Cas’s mind, Dean doesn’t return his feelings, and by not understanding the implications of a mixtape as a gift, nor the extent to which Dean would go to forgive him, Cas continues down his path of destruction and takes the Colt. They may be communication, but they aren’t really communicating. Its such a classic romance trope and I’m pulling my hair out STILL over these two.

“Lets go Team Free Will”. Could the callbacks to previous seasons be any more obvious? Now we really are in season 5 and in the past 5 minutes have travelled back through the greatest hits of destiel. From Purgatory guilt, Season 6 betrayal and now season 5 loss of faith. These are the major themes of 12x19. Cas is stuck in a cycle of self destruction. Where will this end for him?  

The next scene with Dean and Sam discussing Sam’s theories and the grace extraction as a potential solution just proves how far they have come. Its no longer “how do we kill the thing” but “how do we stop the thing from being evil without resorting to violence?” I call this the “Amara Effect” and I am very happy about this. Anyway, what I really wanna talk about here is just how happy Dean was to finally have a solution and how his FIRST THOUGHT was “I’ll get Cas”. Like he just wanted Cas to be there to work with them on this together. He really did mean what he said to Cas in his room. My heart breaks for him when he realises Cas is gone.

However can we please just take a moment to be so fucking thankful that FINALLY IT IS CANON THAT CAS HAS A ROOM IN THE BUNKER!!

This is CAS’s ROOM! CASTIEL HAS A ROOM AT THE BUNKER. Number 15 to be exact. 3 doors down from Dean. (yes I know this was also the number of the room used by Mary apparantly earlier on in this season but clearly Cas stays there because why else would Dean have gone to this random room to look for him and not the kitchen or the archives hmm?)

LOOK AT THE HEARTBREAK ON HIS FACE WHEN HE REALISES CAS IS GONE AGAIN

Oh Dean. It is such a common trope though. Just when he thinks he has the person he loves back by his side again, they are gone. We really are back to season 8 here with Cas being the one rejecting Dean. (please lets not forget that the extent of the rejection for the past three seasons has been on Dean with Cas holding the torch for destiel and it is only now that we are finally experiencing the brunt of the shift back to Dean.) This episode is by FAR the most romantic we have had so far in terms of destiel in the past FOUR seasons. The only episodes that really surpass it are 6x20 and 8x17 (though 12x10 is a close contender). This is being written, and shot as a romance and my gosh I love it. Poor Dean.

THEN we get further justification for Cas’s actions. I know that this episode hasn’t really done him any favours for painting him as a bit of a villain and I know that the Cas haters will have a field day with his treatment of the Winchesters, but we are getting solid explanations for his actions here, and they all point back to Cas’s love for the Winchesters, his love for Dean…

“I am doing this for the Winchesters. I stole the Colt to keep them out of this mission”

“I will kill this girl, so that Sam and Dean won’t have to.”

Because that really is love, Cas would do the dirty work to spare Sam and Dean the pain of having to do something that could traumatise them further. Cas is doing this so that they won’t have to suffer that. He is doing it to protect them, because he loves them. I swear to god if I see a single post from a cas hater trying to paint him as a villain who doesn’t care I will be all over it. They have NOTHING to back up their arguments.

It is of course, the same tune that Cas is singing again and again. This is the reason behind ALL of his motivations. Its always about the Winchesters. Its not about his reputation, glory, praise, its not even about saving the world. Its about sparing Sam and Dean from doing something horrible. He just wants them to have the peace and freedom they taught him was so important back in freaking season FOUR. I won’t be holding his decisions in this episode against him, because I think Dabb has a very clear idea of where Cas is going with his story arc, and its all about emphasising what is truly important to him, what Cas basically lives for now. Yeah, he needed the win. He needs to put a stop to something that could potentially destroy the world, but his true reasons for doing it are spelt out in this episode.

Coming back to Sam and Dean, the conversation about the Colt:

“How did Cas even get the Colt out of the safe in the first place?”

“…”

“Dean, you put the colt back in the safe right? Dean?”

“… it was under my pillow… I like to keep it close.”

“He came into my room and he played me.”

“He played us both.”

What I love about this exchange, is that until this moment we don’t know where Cas got the Colt from. He could have just broken into the safe, or he could have got it from where Dean previously kept it under the table in the library. But they chose to have him steal it from under Dean’s pillow. Once again there is added intimacy to a scene where really, the intimacy is unecessary for the plot. When you start to put together all the choices that the writer and director made for this episode, it becomes really difficult to see it from a persective that doesn’t involve Destiel.

Yes, we know in the previous scene that Dean left Cas alone in his room, but the way Dean acts when he owns up to Sam that it was stolen from under his pillow makes it sound like it WASN’T innocent. “Cas came into my room and distracted me and manipulated me enough to find and steal the colt from under my pillow.” It just stinks of sexual subtext and it makes the betrayal that much worse. As I said before, this is 6x20 all over again. But this time its even MORE personal BECAUSE of everything they have been through since then and just how much they have admitted to each other including a bloody love confession and a mixtape. The theft from under the pillow of all places only adds a sexual layer to that heap of intimate subtext. Am I saying they had sex? No. I am not saying this. What I am saying is that having Cas steal the Colt from under Dean’s pillow rather than from a safe or from another safe place adds a layer of intimacy that was not previously necessary. It makes the theft a bigger violation of Dean’s trust than stealing it from the safe, it makes the betrayal a lovers betrayal rather than the betrayal of a friend in the subtext. (I’m not sure if I’m explaining this well, but hopefully you all get the general idea).

Basically, it is another point to add to the list of things in this episode that show that Dean and Cas’s relationship is romantic rather than platonic at this stage (even if textually it isn’t… its how they both act and feel around each other and emphasises how their feelings for each other are NOT PLATONIC.)

As always, at this stage, if you are still struggling to see a destiel reading, consider the same scene but with Sam rather than Dean. Would it work the same way? Have the same impact? How about instead, just considering WHY this never happens to Sam? Why Dean gets the emotional close up with the sweeping string music whilst staring longlingly into Castiel’s empty bedroom and not Sam. Why its Dean that runs off to get Cas, why its Dean’s pillow that Cas stole the Colt from under, why its Dean that gave him the mixtape, and not Sam.

Then we get shots like THIS:

Which lets be honest, are oozing with sexual tension. I was discussing with @godshipsit about how when I first watched this scene, my heart kinda skipped a beat and I was stunned for a second into thinking “this is how they will go canon” (not in this exact scene in this episode of course, but it will be like this when it finally happens. Because I can picture this shot, I can picture the frustration between them and Dean just deciding enough is enough and taking that final step forward and just kissing his dumbass angel so that he finally gets it) The framing of the shot again is beautifully done, the circle around them, framing them and also making the viewer feel like once again they are spying on them. Yes Dean is angry, but Cas is letting him manhandle him up against a wall. Remember he is an angel, he could easily stand his ground, but he doesn’t. He lets Dean get out his frustration here. Lets Dean be threatening. Notice how Sam doesn’t ever react in such a way. Because its not really how friends react is it?

Okay so Dean and Cas have a volatile relationship, that sometimes leads to moments like this which could be viewed as violent or even dare I say ‘abusive’ and gosh wouldn’t the anti’s have a field day with that. But think about romantic tropes for a second, the old hollywood types. Its never friends that get angry and have moments like this that are shot in such a way, but lovers? Having lovers tiffs? Yeah, this is common. The fighting, the pinning against a wall, the staring into each others eyes trying to stand their ground? Its classic sexual tension. Dean doesn’t hurt Cas in this scene remember. Cas doesn’t hurt Dean either. Not physically. The only reason that Cas hurts Dean emotionally is because he doesn’t realise how much Dean cares about him. He knows he is betraying his friends, he knows he is doing wrong in terms of a friendship but views his actions as justified to keep them safe. From a romantic perspective Cas has not yet grasped just how much he is emotionally hurting Dean at this point – because Dean hasn’t yet given him reason to believe he is hurting him this much – though he makes it pretty obvious from the audiences perspective.

Then if we hadn’t already had it spelled out to us again Cas once again gives us his reasons:

“I wanted to keep you out of this, I was trying to keep you safe”

“this is my responsibility”

The writers are constantly trying to remind the audience that Cas’s reasons are always about the Winchesters. There isn’t a selfish bone in his body. He may be jepardising his relationship with them, but to him the end justifies the means. Cas wants the Winchesters kept safe, so his betrayal makes sense to him. Like I have said before. It is season 6 all over again. I just hope it ends differently.

I have to give Dean major kudos here though for being the most understanding boyfriend on the planet, because even after Kelly and Cas steal his beloved Impala he STILL is able to stick up for Cas

“He’s so desperate for a win now he can’t even see straight”

In case the viewers weren’t aware already that Cas is SO NOT THE BAD GUY HERE, Dean spells it out for us in his own words. Yeah, he’s pissed, but he is still able to see Cas’s POV, he gets it, he still cares, still wants to be there for him. I am sure there is some awesome symbolic meaning behind him fixing Cas’s truck up for him as well. If the way Dean fixing up the Impala is supposed to symbolise him healing his own soul, fixing up Cas’s truck has got to also symbolise him fixing Cas. Dean will be there for Cas when he comes back, like he always does.

Dean has come so far this season. His development, his ability to see other peoples POV, his distaste for lies and his slow deconstruction of his ‘performing Dean’ mask. I just adore how far Dean has come, and I can’t wait to see more of this. Dean is being forgiving, he is understanding, he is communicating and I think it is wonderful, really. Not just for destiel, but for his own health and state of mind, and for all the other characters he interacts with.

Moving past the epic finale with baby lucifer taking control of Cas to destroy Dagon, I need to talk about this scene:

Because yeah, something is wrong with Cas, but he was still himself enough to show this level of care and consideration to Dean. The gentle “you’re hurt” and this gorgeous and intimate (again the intimacy in the shots this episode has me majorly fangirling at Amanda Tappin’s excellent direction) caress as he heals him. Dean doesn’t get a standard tap on the forehead or glowy hand hovering a few inches above an injury. Nope. Dean gets gentle, intimate caresses as he is healed. Because Dean is and always will be special to Cas.

Dean won’t let Cas leave, even after everything Cas has done this episode, he still worries about him and argues to stay with him

“Whatever that thing did to you we’re not just gonna let you walk away” Dean knows that Cas isn’t right, he knows that he can’t leave him now. Dean has been down this road before, and that whole speech about faith and the baby well, it just brought back major 8x17 feels to be honest. It sounded like Cas talking about the angel tablet all over again. That was after the brainwashing was broken remember? More on that in a bit.

Basically, this episode was full of destiel moment and I am a big heap of emotional mess thanks to it. Nevertheless, there is more to talk about than just the glorious destieliciousness of this episode (yes that is totally a word).

Therefore, let’s consider what we learned about:

Lucifer’s Baby, Faith and the Future

The fact that this episode started out so darkly, immediately screamed to me that it was not going to end well either, or that any of this was going to end well. Kelly was so very lost to the point that she killed herself. A striking visual for the viewer, and one that is all too common in TV and film nowadays. Kelly couldn’t cope with what her baby would become, and so resorted to taking her own life and the life of the baby instead.

Honestly this is the first episode that I have actually liked Kelly’s character. It feels like the first time she has had any real depth and personality (which is fitting since its also the first time she has been written by a writer other than the terrible duo).

The baby saves her though of course, since it is half angel and therefore has the power of grace to heal her. This shouldn’t be surprising to anyone who understands angels but Kelly treats it as a miracle. She has a change of heart and suddenly we are on the “faith” path.

I think that Cas was probably always going to bond with Kelly after this scene. It may still only be buried in the subtext, but we have had enough call backs to season 8 this episode to make us remember that very heart breaking moment in 8x08 when Cas admitted to Dean that he might kill himself. Cas has been suicidal in the past. With everything he has been through, it’s no wonder he couldn’t go through with killing Kelly.

Whilst I don’t think that the baby will be quite the great evil that Dagon thinks it will be, I have no doubt in my mind that it has Lucifer-like tendencies to manipulate and that at this point its main concern is its own survival. I don’t think it is inherently evil, but still:

“Every sad weak human, every tight ass angel, every snivelling demon, they’ll all be consumed.”

Doesn’t this all seem very Amara-like to you? Because honestly the use of the word ‘consumed’ kinda throws big Amara signs my way. But surely not because we did this story last season. (see this is why the Lucifer baby story annoys me). Anyway, the stories are really similar. The Angels all want this baby dead, so they go to great lengths to kill it, only Cas can’t do it because hes’ Cas and he may talk a big game but killing innocents hasn’t been his thing since well… Jesse… and that is yet another time they basically did this freaking story.

As I mentioned though, Kelly gets through to Cas because of their similar experiences with desiring suicide and feeling hopeless. They are both mirrored this episode as feeling lost and hopeless and therefore vulnerable and easy to manipulate. Isn’t that always the way the devil gets to you? Isn’t that exactly what Lucifer did to Cas last year?

The whole conversation about faith and destiny is very season 5 and is very intentional in an episode that has already used the phrase “team free will” to refer to Sam, Dean and Cas. Other things in this episode that seem kinda pointless on the surface but must have some deeper meaning include the death of Joshua. Why bring him back for all of one episode only to kill him like that? Unless of course he was simply there to remind the viewer of something? Just like the mentioning of “team free will” even though honestly why Dean would say such a thing to Cas who was unconscious the first time he said it? This isn’t just fanservice. This is to take the viewer right back to season 5 and the BIG theme of that season. Free Will, Freedom and Choice are far more important than destiny and fate, and that faith can come from all kinds of different sources.

The last episode where we met Joshua was Dark Side of the Moon. The episode where Castiel lost his faith. Since then, Castiel has had only one real source of faith: the Winchesters. Yes he has been lost and low and broken over the years but he has always had one overall believe, and that is the Winchesters and what they do. In the same episode where we see a massive increase in Destiel subtext and Pining!Dean we  also see the return of Joshua for all of two seconds and Dean trying so hard to get through to Cas, to convince him that the three of them work best together, but Cas still doesn’t get it, doesn’t see it, because Dean hasn’t given him the real reasons, hasn’t spelled it out for him the way Cas did to Dean in 12x12. There has been no obvious love confession from Dean. So Cas is still lost, still wondering, still without a guiding light to bring him home.

Hence he is an easy target for the creepy baby to come and take him as its personal protector. By the end of the episode, Castiel is not our Cas. Not the Cas that chooses the Winchesters anyway. Not the Cas that chooses love over all else. This is a Cas who is reminiscent of Cas when he held the angel tablet and it spoke to his angel coding and told him to keep it safe at all costs. This isn’t brainwashing as such, not the way Naomi brainwashed him, or Rowena cast a spell on him, or Lucifer possessed him. This is a Cas that is vulnerable and in desperate need of a mission to keep him preoccupied to stop him from feeling utterly worthless because he couldn’t bring Dean a “win”. That baby latched on to those feelings, and convinced Cas that he was the best chance of a better future.

The fact that both Kelly and Cas had these yellow eyes is clear proof that this is NOT GOOD. Okay so they still have their pupils in tact unlike the Princes of Hell, but it is still yellow and it still came with that unsettling sound effect that was always associated with Azazel (and then brought back for Ramiel). The baby may not be “evil” in the literal sense, but it is not a good thing. It will not be born and be the “savior”.

Castiel and faith do not go together. When you give Castiel faith in anything that isn’t a Winchester, well, its just not done. This won’t be good. Especially when the words “The Future” were heard over this shot:

Isn’t that ominous. Castiel may have come back to his senses enough to gently heal Dean’s injury (proving that our real Cas is still in there somewhere – always thinking of Dean when he is hurt) but real Cas would NOT just leave Dean and Sam lying on the ground vulnerable outside the ENTRANCE TO HEAVEN AND ALL THOSE ANGELS THAT HATE THEM. WHAT THE FUCK? Yeah so not good basically.

Whatever the future that the baby showed Cas was, it seemed to please him. Now, since it showed Kelly the real future that we saw in this episode then it must have been somewhat real, it also had to be something that was enough motivation to give Cas his faith back… but what could that possibly be? A world without SPN creatures? A world in which Sam and Dean have the peace they deserve? Safety? A life outside of hunting? What else could possibly motivate Cas to go along with this babies ‘plan’ if not something to help the Winchesters?

I’m still unconvinced that this will be anything but bad and that Castiel has been shown a lie. Either that, or this is how they tie the whole thing into the BMOL plot where they want to get rid of all spn creatures as well… even though Sam and Dean are also against them (or will be once they realise the extent of their crazy fascism).

All I can hope is that Dabb knows where he is going with this. The emotional plot seems to be far stronger than the actual story line this year. Which is great in one way, but I still feel we are lacking structure, and I cannot see how this is gonna end. I kinda want to believe that Dabb has decided to let Cas get sort of brainwashed again just so he can have another go at the Crypt Scene (and get it RIGHT this time) because really what else is gonna break Cas out of this weird kind of semi-controlled state? Other than Dean’s love? Why else would they ramp up the subtext to 11 in the same episode that Cas loses his own free will if not to prove to us that Dean will yet again be the key to his freedom?

Overall

The Destiel was great, the plot kinda meh, I have no idea where this baby plot is going and if we get a repeat of season 11s baby Amara plot I’ll be pissed. If Lucifer doesn’t die in the finale I’ll be pissed (I want Cas to hold him down whilst Sam kills him). Fingers crossed for a Crypt Scene but with a canon confession of love from Dean far greater than 8x17s “I need you”. After all, he has been shedding so much of his performance mask, trying so hard to be honest, to accept other people into his life… he is opening himself to vulnerability and accepting that it is okay to do – even when those people hurt him… Dean is learning to be emotionally healthy and really, this route can only end in him doing the one thing he has always struggled to do. The return of his mother this season has only emphasised this. Bearing in mind she is the only person he has ever said the words to before. Could we be on track to getting a confession of love from Dean to Cas? Isn’t it about time? After this episode, I actually think it’s a possibility.

I hate that Cas is not himself again. It breaks my heart. I imagine a lot of people see this as a regression, and I am trying not to. He needs to learn that there are other ways. The difference is that now Dean knows the reasons why Cas is like this. Cas did use his words to explain his reasons quite clearly, so Dean understood. Dean just needs to figure out the key to getting Cas to see things from his POV.

This episode had many great points in it. Obviously the destiel was glorious. The camera work and framing and composition and direction were also fantastic. I hope Amanda comes back and directs again. The one word I will use to describe this episode is “intimate”. Because half the time I felt like I was watching very private moments between characters and I don’t usually feel that way. It was really well put together. I do hope it all comes together by season end, though I am still not too sure. Either way, I liked this episode, even with the baby plot and Lucifer turning up in the middle there. It was satisfying. I’ll give it a 8/10 for how it made me feel after my first watch.

[moonblooch]

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: Other

Fandom: Critical Role (Web Series)

Relationship: Mollymauk Tealeaf/Caleb Widogast

Characters: Caleb Widogast, Mollymauk Tealeaf, Jester (Critical Role), Fjord (Critical Role), Nott (Critical Role), Beauregard (Critical Role), Yasha (Critical Role), Caduceus Clay, Cree (Critical Role), Marion Lavorre | Ruby of the Sea

Additional Tags: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fake Marriage, Mentions of Character Death, alternating pov, Canon-Typical Violence, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, caleb's backstory, Descriptions of Anxiety, fluff in later chapters, Tags and Ratings may change, WIP, Sharing a Bed

Language:English

Molly escapes a second grave, but he can only outrun his past for so long. In an attempt to throw Cree off the scent again, he spins a story about leaving his old life behind and has to fake an engagement to provide proof.

Molly awoke the following morning to an empty bed and for a moment his heart sank. If Caleb had abandoned him now, or even if he had just passed out in a gutter somewhere, the con was up.

Deciding that at the very least he needed to find out which of these had happened, he swung his legs out of bed and nearly kicked Caleb in the face. He looked almost peaceful in the morning light which was just now beginning to crawl through the window. Molly let out a slow breath and gingerly stepped around him wincing when his bare foot touched a wet patch on the rug. Closer inspection revealed Caleb to be completely soaked, an unfortunate fact that thankfully eliminated the alternative sources of moisture which would have been significantly less pleasant to step in.

Wiping his feet on a dry bit of rug, Molly cast around for his boots. His eyes landed instead on a figure slumped over the tiny desk at one end of the room. Though to the undiscerning eye it may have appeared to be a sodden mass of feathers, to Molly this was unmistakably a friend.

Picking up the poker from beside the hearth, and standing well back, Molly tapped Yasha on the shoulder.

“Argh!”

She was on her feet in an instant, sword wheeling around her in a series of swift arcs. She came to a stop, breathing heavily.

“Well good morning to you too darling.” Molly said, setting the poker down again. “I hope you slept well; that desk doesn’t look very comfortable.”

Yasha’s face softened and the sword clattered to the floor.

“Molly?”

He spread his arms.

“In the flesh darling.”

Yasha surged forward and swept him into a crushing hug, pinning his arms to his sides. She shook as they stood, tears forming a damp patch on Molly’s shoulder.

“Shhh, it’s good to see you too dear.” He pried an arm loose to pat her on the back. “You’ve gotten faster since I last saw you.”

Yasha made a sound somewhere between a sob and a giggle, then pulled back to actually look at him.

“You’re alive.”

“So are you.” Molly inclined his head to her. “I’ll admit, I was worried when you weren’t with the others earlier. They told me that you got out but it’s good to see that for myself.”

“It’s good to see you also, I,” she stopped, considering her next words, “the last I saw of you was your grave. When Jester told me that you were back I did not believe her.”

“You spoke to her?”

“Yesterday, I heard her voice in my head.”

Molly felt his face pulling into a grin. “Was her message as long winded as usual?”

“Longer.”

“Ha! Wonderful.”

“She mentioned some other things as well.” Yasha said, brow furrowed.

Molly felt a crawling feeling scurry up his spine. He had not been looking forward to this discussion, particularly since the plan managed to sound more stupid each time he actually said anything about it.

“I asked Caleb about it when I found him last night but he was not talking much.”

“I don’t imagine he would have been dear.” Molly replied. “Yesterday was rather tiring.”

Yasha nodded slowly.

“Okay. He said that I could stay in here tonight. If that’s weird I can go and we could talk downstairs.”

“Why would it be weird?”

“Well,” Yasha said looking supremely uncomfortable, “Jester said that you and Caleb were engaged.”

Molly coughed.

“Right, that. How much did Jester say about that exactly?”

“If I’m remembering it was something like,” she pitched her voice in an imitation of Jester, “’hello Yasha, I hope you’re doing okay. So you should know that Molly’s back and also him and Caleb are like kind of engaged but’ and then the message ended.”

“That sounds about right.” Molly said with a sigh. He was trying to articulate the plan in his mind in order to explain it to Yasha and once again only coming up with thoughts of how foolish the whole affair was. Maybe Caleb could help him explain.

“When did you bring him in?”

Yasha’s brow creased slightly as she appeared to be thinking for a moment.

“Two, maybe three hours ago? I lost track after I fell asleep.”

Molly wasn’t going to wake him up to help explain; he couldn’t remember Caleb ever being a morning person so he wouldn’t be much help yet.

“Very well my darling.” Molly said, pulling back slightly. “You’re probably going to want to sit back down for this.”

“That’s a lot.”

Molly nodded. Yasha had been, for the most part, silent throughout his tale; how he had stumbled away from the grave on the Glory Run Road until he had collapsed. How he had woken once again, mind foggy but just coherent enough to find the note and read it. This had been Yasha’s only interruption, a brief congratulations that he could now read. He had continued to explain the slow process of remembering, stumbling his way back to Zadash, and the series of monumental fuck ups that had led to his current circumstances.

“It certainly is.” He replied.

“And you didn’t just tell her the truth?”

“Because she has our blood and I don’t know how she’d react, but I’m working on that.” Molly lowered his voice, “yesterday I destroyed one of the phials she had. She doesn’t have Beau’s blood anymore. If I can get the rest of them then it will be safe to tell her, well, safer.”

Yasha shook her head.

“It’s too dangerous Molly. We don’t know the extent of her power.”

“But I’ve got a fairly solid idea –”

Molly was interrupted by a series of knocks on the door. He looked Yasha in the eye, raised his eyebrows and brought a finger to his lips. She nodded and placed one hand on the hilt of her sword. As quietly as she could manage, she positioned herself behind the door. Molly let their visitor wait for another moment before walking to the door.

“Molly! Caleb! I know you’re in here so open the door.” Jester’s voice pierced through the wood and Molly felt himself practically deflate as he reached for the latch.

“Seriously you guys if you don’t let me in I’ll use Thaumatergy, oh. Hi Molly!” Jester greeted him before bounding into the room.

“Why is Caleb on the floor?”

“Because I was studying spells last night and did not make it to bed.” Caleb replied, propping himself up on his elbows. Molly felt his tail stiffen at the thought that perhaps Caleb had been awake the whole time. He hadn’t exactly told Yasha anything he wasn’t comfortable sharing, but he would have preferred to tell the others at a different pace.

“Jester you seem to have missed one.” Caleb nodded his head towards Yasha.

“Who – Yasha!” Jester cried, flinging herself at the taller woman. Yasha returned the hug with a fond smile.

“It is good to see you Jester. Molly has been telling me some crazy things.”

“Oh my goodness, yes. You know how him and Caleb are, like, engaged now right?”

“To stop Cree from getting mad and using our blood against us, yes.”

“Yeah, yeah, totally.” Jester said waving a hand. She turned to Molly, shooting a quick glance between him and Caleb.

“So like, you guys were taking really long to so I had to make Cree think that you were having, like, the most crazy reunion sex ever.”

“You could have told her just about anything else, dear.” Molly found himself responding. There was no malice in it, at least he hoped there wasn’t, but their scheme had just got that little bit more complicated.

Jester ploughed on.

“So basically you need to look like that is what happened when you come down. I have my makeup with me if you think that would help.”

“Thank you liebling,” Caleb replied, “but it might be for the best if we can come up with something else. Something which will not come off if it rains again.”

“Speaking of rain, would you like to take Yasha down with you?” Molly asked.

Yasha walked to the window, opened it and swung a leg out.

“It’s probably best that it doesn’t look like I could have been with you.”

“Oh, I do not know about that,” Caleb said in a tired voice, finally pushing himself up from the floor, “a threesome sounds like pretty crazy reunion sex to me.”

Molly choked back a laugh. Best not to make too much noise, the last thing they needed was nosy neighbours.

Yasha actually grinned at Caleb’s remark, and gave them a slow, deliberate wink. Then she swung her other leg out of the window and disappeared from sight.

“You had better go downstairs Jester; if you are gone too long it may seem as if you were peeping.” Caleb suggested.

Jester nodded and bounded to the door.

“See you guys down there. Take as long as you need.”

She waved her fingers before disappearing from the doorway with a giggle. Molly found himself shaking his head with a smile. Weaver, he’d missed Jester.

“Any ideas?” he asked, turning to Caleb. “I’m sure that she’s going to give us some lofty expectations to live up to.”

“I could cast an illusion.” Caleb replied after a while. “It would not be ideal, but anything else; well, I would not want you to be uncomfortable.”

“That depends what it was you were going to suggest, I’m sure it’s not that bad. Let’s hear it.”

Caleb shook his head. “It was a stupid idea. Forget it.”

Molly folded his arms. It had been too long since he had participated in any ridiculousness.

“Mister Caleb, may I remind you of my last interaction with scrambled eggs? I’m certain there are stupider ideas out there.”

Caleb gave him a weak smile.

“Very well. I was going to suggest that you bite me.”

Molly very abruptly found himself possessed of a non-functioning brain. Oh sure, he had established that Caleb was off limits some time ago (something the conversation of the previous night had only affirmed), but the column of Caleb’s throat, currently bared for the world to see, was making a very convincing counter argument.

“If it is too much then I understand, but it would seem very possessive on your part, and would go with what Jester is no doubt telling the others as we speak.” Caleb stumbled on, oblivious to Molly’s momentary moral crisis. “That and it would show up well on my skin; it would be difficult for Cree to argue with something like that.”

“No, I agree.” Molly replied. This wasn’t going to get weird; he wasn’t going to let it. There was nothing strange about a bit of platonic biting among friends.

Molly prided himself on being a person with no shame.

That being said, the closest he would ever come to embarrassment was hearing Jester’s impression of what he and Caleb might have sounded like in bed.

He doubted the patrons of the Lavish Chateau were strangers to noises of pleasure; a fact which only made it more remarkable that Jester had managed to draw just about every eye in the room with her wailing. That and the fact that she currently looked like a member of the lizardfolk, which were rather uncommon on this side of the continent.

Caleb looked as if he would very much not like to enter the bar. Quite possibly because his scarf, which could have covered the blooming bruises on his neck, had remained in their room, making it quite obvious that it was them Jester was currently parodying.

“She needs to work on her accent.” Caleb murmured as a particularly impressive shriek flew through the air. “I do not sound like that.”

Molly bit his tongue in an attempt not to laugh. Caleb was fidgeting, shifting from foot to foot as if he was about to break into a sprint.

“We could leave, if you want.” He offered. “Disappear for a bit, let Cree think we’ve run off for a honeymoon somewhere. It’d give us a break from pretending.”

“Nein.” Caleb shook his head. “I would not want to leave the rest in this mess alone.”

Molly felt as though a particularly strong wind had just battered him from all sides. Prior to his death, he had heard Caleb muttering to himself, or perhaps to Frumpkin, of plans to leave. Even after Yasha, Jester and Fjord had gone, Caleb had been glancing at the road behind them with a certain amount of longing. The change wasn’t something Molly could say he was upset about; quite the opposite in fact, but he had to wonder what had caused it.

“Very well.” He offered Caleb his arm. “Shall we?”

The second they stepped through the door it was as if a mask had dropped over Caleb’s face. He stood tall, with a purpose that practically demanded those around him to comment, but only if they held no particular regard for the continued partnership of their limbs and their torso. Molly did his best to mirror this, clicking the heels of his boots against the floorboards just so. Few eyes left them until they had reached the table the others were gathered around.

“I hope we haven’t missed the whole show Jester.” Molly said, pulling up a chair. “From what I heard you hadn’t even got to the good part yet.”

Jester cackled and he took the opportunity to shoot Beau, who looked positively anaemic in that moment, a wink. She stood up and quietly excused herself and Molly’s tail coiled in delight. He leaned over to Caleb, keeping his eyes lidded as he whispered in his ear.

“Tell Beauregard she’s lost the game, won’t you dear?”

Caleb’s face flushed, as if Molly had just suggested something obscene, but he gave a small nod, drew a length of copper wire from his sleeve and wrapped it between his thumb and little finger.

“Mitteilung.” He whispered.

Taking that as a cue, Molly turned to Cree, who looked about as uncomfortable as he felt.

“Cree dear, how are you doing this fine morning?” he asked, trying his damndest to sound like someone who had gotten seven different kinds of laid the night prior. From the look on her face, it was working.

“Well, thank you Lucien.” She replied, toying with the buckle on the strap of her bag and very pointedly not looking him in the eye. “I hope you can excuse me but I will have to leave soon; I have business on behalf of our blue friend, er,” her eyes flicked to Jester, who currently had an improbably long tongue lolling from her mouth, “our other blue friend.”

“Yes, I seem to recall.” Molly replied. He was talking out of his arse of course; he remembered no such thing. “Well if you require any help from us do shout, I’m sure we’ll be in town for a little while yet. Until the wedding at least. That reminds me, Jester; when did you say the room would be available?”

“About three weeks I think.” She replied, tongue still trailing. “I can try and push it up if you guys want though.”

“Three weeks is perfect dear.” He turned back to Caleb. “What do you think love? We could turn it into a sort of pre-emptive honeymoon?”

“That sounds perfect mein licht.” Caleb gave him a soft smile before leaning into him and whispering; “Beau says that you can go fuck yourself, and that the victory does not count if Jester won it for you.”

“Darling, not in public!” he gasped, doing his best to sound utterly scandalised. “Not in present company at least.”

“It is nothing they have not heard before liebling.” Caleb replied with a smirk which should have been made illegal in the name of public decency, loosening his shirt collar with no apparent care for the fact that this unveiled the teeth-marks.

Molly looked away in an attempt to forget how Caleb’s pulse had fluttered under his tongue, taking the opportunity to sweep a quick glance around those gathered at their table. Cree looked as if she was about to bolt, which was good; the more uncomfortable she was the more she would avert her eyes and the more he could get away with. Caduceus was difficult to read but seemed to be taking the situation in stride, Fjord was sitting as if he’d had a sword shoved somewhere unmentionable. Jester was a lizard, but he got the strong impression that if her current form had had eyebrows they would have been waggling furiously.

One of Nott’s eyes was twitching. Molly decided to ask Caleb to explain before he had to spend any time alone with her.

“Am I interrupting anything?”

Yasha, the angel that she was, loomed over their table before anyone decided to comment.

“Yasha, darling!” Molly stood, placing his hands on her shoulders. “I’m so happy to see you’re alright.”

“Yes.” Yasha replied, clearly remembering that this was supposed to be her first time seeing him alive in months, bless her. “I’m glad to see that you made it back to us. I was hoping you’d do it again, but I couldn’t stand if you stayed there.”

Molly scrambled for words for a moment, but Caleb saved him any awkward spluttering by directing a question at Yasha himself.

“₰ʤƪζ ʤƪϣƍɮƍƏ ζⱴ Ƿⱴƻΰ ؿƍʢ? Ƿⱴƻ ƪΰƍ ₰ƪ ؿδ ٩ɮʢ ϗζΰƪɮʢƍ ؿǷ.”

“٩ ĕƪƻʢʤζ ϐǷϗƍ ؿǥ ⱴɮ ζʤƍ ₰٩ɮƏⱴ₰ϗ٩ ؿ ƪɮƏ ǥƍ ؿ.” Yasha replied, looking sheepish.

Caleb let out a bark of laughter, before continuing.

“₰ƍ ₰٩ﺉ ʢƍζ ζʤƪζ ﺉⱴⱴδƍƏ ƪζ ζʤƍɮ. ĕⱴƻﺉƏ Ƿⱴƻ ﺉⱴⱴϐ ⱴƻƍΰ ζʤƍ ĕƪζ ϣƍrϗⱴɮ ƪ ؏٩ζ ϣ ﺉƍƪϗƍ? ٩ ₰ⱴƻﺉƏ ﺉ٩δƍ ƪ ؏ΰƍƪδ ǥrΰⱴϐ ϣΰƍζƍɮƏ٩ɮʢ ζⱴ ؏ƍﺉⱴƻƍϗ٩ĕδ, ƪɮƏ ٩ ζʤ٩ɮδ ϗʤƍ ₰٩ﺉ ʢⱴ ٩ǥ Ƿⱴƻ ʢﺉⱴwƍΰ.”

“My angel, you know how hot and bothered you speaking Celestial gets me, but would you mind sticking to languages the rest of us can understand?” Molly interrupted their exchange. In reality hearing spoken Celestial made his eardrums itch uncontrollably, which was a shame since he had been told that it was a beautiful language. Yasha had informed him once that Infernal spoken casually (since Infernal insults tended to manifest more painfully) had a similar effect for her.

“Another thing to keep private then? Death has made you modest mien herz.” Caleb asked with a wry smile and a raised eyebrow. “I think I might like that, you know. That there are aspects of you which only I get to see.”

Molly felt something like electricity skitter from the tip of his tail to the base of his skull. He took a brief moment to thank the Moonweaver that Caleb was only acting, and that he had not used this kind of flirting for nefarious purposes yet.

Cree coughed.

“Yes, well I, I ought to be going. There’s a contact in the city that our mutual friend has been trying to get on our side for years. I’ve managed to book an appointment and I’d best not be late.” She excused herself, standing.

“Why don’t you take my seat?” she asked Yasha, leaving her chair pulled out. “Lucien, will you join me for dinner later? There are a few things I’d like to discuss.”

“Of course I will dear.” Molly responded, kicking himself for not being able to come up with an excuse faster. “I’d be very interested to hear about this friend of our mutual friend.”

Cree gave him a sharp nod, then turned to leave. She walked out of the bar with about the same speed that Beau had left the table with earlier. Molly tried to catch a look at her tail, to see if it could offer any insight into her thoughts. It appeared to be lashing back and forth, which didn’t tell him as much as he had hoped it would. She could have just been anxious about ensuring this new contact for the gentleman, and it wasn’t as if he could rely on tabaxis and tieflings to have the same tail language.

He sat back down as Yasha did, and as Caleb was leaning over to whisper something to Caduceus. A smile played on Caduceus’ lips as he replied in a murmur which made his already rumbling voice sound even more impressive. He waited for a break in their conversation before leaning in to the group once again.

“So, any suggestions going forward?” he asked the others. “Were we laying it on a bit thick, or should we turn it up a notch.”

“You were revolting.” Beau cut in, returning to the table with all the grace of an owlbear ballet, “but if you’re talking about the stuff with Caleb then more of the same should work.”

“I did not see much, but you did seem fairly ‘lovesick’ as Caleb put it.” Yasha said, accepting a plate of food which Fjord had shoved in her direction. “Maybe a bit more physical contact?”

Caleb brought up an arm to rest loosely across Molly’s shoulders. “Not a bad plan Yasha, something like this?”

“That might work, yes.”

“Not that you’ll need it whilst she’s gone.” Fjord suggested. “It can’t be comfortable keeping that up.”

“It is not, but we cannot eliminate the chance that there are others watching us. We cannot have Cree asking around and hearing that Mollymauk and I bolt apart the second she has gone. Obviously we do not have to be glued to each other, but when we are in the same room it would be better to keep up appearances.”

Damn. Caleb made a good point, but Molly could tell that this was going to get exhausting. And they had to do this for three weeks! He was going to go insane before a week and a half if they had to keep this up at all hours.

“Do we at least have something to do whilst we’re here?” he asked, hoping for an excuse to spend some time apart.

“Well there’s always wedding planning,” Jester began, only to be interrupted by a chorus of emphatic ‘no’s. “I’m serious you guys, if I get this right then the Traveller will give me some really cool new powers.”

“We can manage that as well Jester, but I don’t think that’ll take three weeks.” Fjord replied.

“We had an idea.” Nott spoke up, drawing every eye to her in the process. She had yet to activate any kind of magical disguise, leaving her with just the usual mask and the people around her to conceal her goblinoid appearance from strangers.

“Me and Caleb were talking the night before last, while the rest of you were finding clothes, and we thought, well,” she shifted in place, suddenly uncomfortable in the attention of the others, “we thought that we should get Jester un-banished.”

[petri808]

Sixteen Weeks and Counting

@inukag-week Highschool AU canon divergence, 7 part/prompt by day story

Parts: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7  Day 6- AU (continuation of Jealousy)

A school science project can be tough enough but for Kagome Higurashi her semester was gearing up to be a hell of a ride when she’s paired up with the class slacker…

“I’m just gonna… go pay my bill,” Kagome quietly tells Sango and Miroku before sliding out of the booth. She was careful not to make any physical contact with either Kikyo or Inuyasha who were standing almost against the table and slips away unnoticed.  

“Should we follow her,” Miroku whispers to Sango, “she looked pretty upset.”

“No,” Sango responds, “Kagome prefers to be alone if she is.  I’ll call her after we leave.”

Miroku narrows his eyes in the hanyo’s direction.  “I should just go pay for my bill too, and maybe we should all just ditch Inuyasha.” Sango blinks, for a guy who was still a total pervert, she could see how annoyed he was at his friend.  Guess Miroku has some standards, she muses to herself.  He pats her leg, “follow me.”  Sango just nods and grabs her bag ready to go.  

Clearing his throat in an exaggerated manner, “Excuse us,” Miroku’s tone is rude and annoyed.  “We’re leaving.”

Kikyo moves out of the way so the pair can get out, never saying a word.  Inuyasha looks around and realizes Kagome was also gone.  “Oi, Miroku where’s Kagome?”  But Miroku flips off his friend without turning around and he and Sango simply walk over to the cash register.

“Sorry, I gotta go,” Inuyasha stammers out leaving Kikyo standing alone by the empty table.  He catches Miroku just as they are about to walk out the door and grabs his friend’s arm.  “Oi, I asked, where is Kagome?”

“Do you really care?” His friend spits back.  “Ya didn’t seem to mind ignoring her once Kikyo showed up.”  Miroku tries to pull away but Inuyasha grips tighter.

“What the fuck are you talking about?  I was just talking to an old friend, so what?”

At this point Miroku yanks harder and frees his arm, walking out the door behind Sango.  “Argh!”  What the hell is their problem?  He tosses enough money onto the cash register and storms out still snapping at their retreating figures.  “Hey! Miroku, you asshole!  Sango!  Somebody tell me what the hell is going on!”

This time it’s Sango that stops to face off with the hanyo, glaring.  “She probably went home, happy now we answered your question?!”  

“Go back to your ex, Inuyasha,” adds Miroku, “seems like you two were picking right up from where you’d left things.”

Inuyasha blinks, “what in the world would make you think that?!”

Miroku rolls his eyes, “oh, I don’t know, like how excited you were that you almost whacked Kagome in the head trying to get out of the booth.  Maybe by the way Kikyo kept touching your arm and you not pulling back, in fact you leaned in closer.  You guys trading phone numbers and your face was practically giddy about it.  Shit I was mentally preparing myself to see you two start kissing or something, probably why Kagome couldn’t take it anymore and left.”

The hanyo growls, “That is not how it happened, you’re totally exaggerating!”

“She saw it all, we saw it all, and you’re the one in denial.  Inuyasha, you didn’t even notice her leave!  I didn’t even see your ears flicker which means you were fully focused on only Kikyo.  So, don’t you tell me I’m the one exaggerating.”

“But…” Fucking hell!  Was it really that bad?  “Ugh!” Inuyasha runs a hand over his face.  “I was happy to see Kikyo but there’s no way I’d ever go back with her.”

“Sure, looks like Kikyo is hoping for a second chance, and it’s not like you were turning down the advancements.”  Miroku sighed, “take it from a guy who does a lot of flirting…”

“That’s an understatement,” Inuyasha mumbles.

“… Kikyo was flirting with you and you were completely going along with it.  Am I right Sango?  That’s how it looked right?”  She nods her head.  “So, either you’re lying to us, to yourself, or if you’re telling the truth then the person that deserves the truth and an explanation is Kagome.”

Inuyasha roars and takes off, leaping away.  It’s been some time since he’d pushed his muscles like this running along walls, jumping over fences and houses.  Not knowing where she lived, he tracked the air for Kagome’s scent.  It couldn’t be too far he assumed considering she went to the school in this district.  

So, okay maybe there was a bit of lingering emotions for Kikyo, he couldn’t deny that but at the same time he knew to get back into a relationship with her would be a mistake. She wasn’t good for him and he’d come to realize that after she’d ended it 2 years ago.  Kagome, yeah, the girl was definitely imprinting on him and he was starting to crush on her, but he still wasn’t certain yet of anything. They’d really only gotten to know each other for a few weeks, and he didn’t want to make the same mistake he had made with Kikyo.

When he finally finds the house, Inuyasha groans internally.  Figures, what is it with him and picking miko chicks!  He touches down in a large old tree where he has a clear view of her window, well the one he assumes is hers based on the pink curtains and pulls out his cell phone.

Inuyasha texts Kagome, ‘we need to talk’

A few minutes later he sees her walk over to her desk and picks up her phone responding, ‘I’m fine’

Inuyasha, ‘I know you’re not’

Kagome, ‘…….’

Kagome, ‘how would you know?’

Inuyasha, ‘I can see you’

Inuyasha, ‘tree’

Kagome looks out the window just as Inuyasha hops down.

Inuyasha, ‘come outside please, let’s talk’

He sees Kagome turn away from the window as she sends a reply,‘no’

‘fine have it your way,’he responds and jumps through her window.

“What they hell?!” she immediately whirls around and starts hitting him.  “I don’t wanna talk, can’t you take the hint?!”

“Well we need to talk,” he grabs her wrists.  

The smaller girl doesn’t have the strength to fight off his control, but it doesn’t stop her from seething. “There’s nothing to talk about Inuyasha. I get it, I’m not your girlfriend, I have no right to be upset.  Go back to that Kikyo woman since you both seem fond of each other.  I’ll get over it.”

“Are you really that jealous of my ex?  Okay I admit I was happy to see her but there is no way I want her back so there’s nothing to be jealous of.”

Kagome rolls her eyes, “she seems to have other ideas and it’s not like you were turning her down.”  As if the timing couldn’t be any worse, Inuyasha’s phone beeps with an incoming message.  Her eyes narrow, “Well, aren’t you gonna answer?”

“No.”  He sighs and let’s go of her wrists.  “Kagome,” he sits at the edge of her bed and hangs his head, “truth is I’m still not sure of what I really want.”  She takes a seat at her desk as he talks, rubbing her wrists. “I mean I know I don’t want her back, and even though I have some feelings for you, I don’t know if, I’m not sure if I’m ready to be in any relationship is what I’m trying to say.” Inuyasha makes eye contact again, “if you want me to block her I will just to make you happy.  But if you were hoping I wanted to be your boyfriend, I can’t say yes either right now.”

“I don’t know what I want either Inuyasha…..”