#PLEASE LET FOREVER HAVE A BREAK I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS ANY LONGER

[sparkleofstardust]

it's so tragic how tubbo never got to meet the real forever, the version of him before he was burdened with the responsibility of leadership, before he was used as the federation's happy pill experiment, before he was dragged through the nether and came out infected

it makes sense that tubbo distrusts him so much after all that's happened, after all he did not see how much forever cares about the eggs, and has done everything (and will continue to do anything) to protect the eggs

[hermetiqa]

What's your message today?

Daily Message: 02.08.24

Close your eyes and take a deep breath before picking a pile. If you feel drawn to more than one pile, it's alright, you may take the piles that you're drawn to. What's important is to take it how it resonates and leave what doesn't.

PAID READINGS

TIP JAR

FEEDBACK

NOTE: Please feel free to give me a feedback on my ask box about the reading! As well as tips on my Ko-fi. I would highly appreciate it and it'll be a huge help for me to save money for my tuition fee this year.

Pile 1

Hello, Pile 1! This is such a lovely day for a reminder. I'm getting that you're in a confused state right now. Perhaps you're confused about your environment, especially the people surrounding you. Some of your connections are not working anymore. Some people don't serve you anymore. This is because you're growing as a person and you're outgrowing them. Most of the time, you lose people along the way because the version of them doesn't go along with your new version, and that's okay. You outgrow not only yourself, but other people as well. This is your reminder to leave connections that no longer serve you. Cut off people who aren't happy for your growth and achievements in life. You don't deserve them in your life and you know this in your mind, but in your heart, you're still denying it. But one way or another, you'll realize that some people are just not meant to be in your life on the long-run, or perhaps forever. Some people don't appreciate you and you don't need these people. It's okay to let go of people who only love your miserable and unhealthy version, and never happy for your growth.

Pile 2

Hello, Pile 2! I'm seeing a lot of in denial here. I'm hearing that you're not seeing things clearly. You refuse to view things logically and you're having a hard time looking for new possibilities to have a better future. You're more of a living-in-the-present person and you're just going with the flow. But I'm getting that you're like this because you're too scared of the future. You have a lot of what ifs going on in your head. What if it doesn't work out this way? What if I regret this decision? What if I need to do this and that? What if I fail? What if I disappoint people in my life? This is your reminder that failing is a part of life, that's how you'll learn. Whenever you fail, you get up, then let yourself take the risk and fail again. If you're not going to take the risk, what's going to happen? Nothing. This is your sign to take the risk and grab the opportunity that was presented to you. You don't know whether a good future is waiting for you at the end of it. And you'll never know unless you take it. You're an adventurous person, so go and start your adventures.

Pile 3

Hello, Pile 3! I'm having a lot of emotions coming from your end. Your reading leans more towards relationships, specifically romantic relationships. I'm getting that you're in a relationship right now, whether this is a situationship or you're still dating or it's official. In any case, you might feel like the person you're dealing with is not giving you what you want or need. This person is not reciprocating your energy, efforts, and even love. You're scared of ending this connection with the person because they made you feel loved, but that's simply because no one did the bare minimum for you. But this person can't even do the bare minimum, they just do more than other people, even your friends and family. You have an emotional connection with this person, which is why it's quite difficult for you to end it. You're emotionally attached to them and you do love them. But you have to make a choice. I'm getting betrayal here. This person might be betraying you right now and they're taking the risk of losing you because for them, the grass is always greener somewhere else. I'm hearing a message that says take a break. Take a break from them and from your connection so you can actually reassess it. It's time to reassess this. You already went through a lot and this person won't be any different. Your heart might be sinking as you read this, and I know it feels heavy, but we all have to go through that so we can learn. This time is just for you to learn. Let go.

[dsireland86]

Take Me First PT. 2 (Never Know)

(Prequel for Noah in The Things We Could Never Change)

"Lying Is Hard But The Truth Comes Out Anyway" The Grey

A regretful mistake, a car accident, and a baby. God didn't listen to Noah when he begged him to take him first the night of the accident. God had other plans it seemed; plans that brought Noah down to his knees cursing, crying, and praying. In time he began to believe he was nothing but a lost soul trying to find his happiness in the ugly world he lived in, until... she found him and began to return the lost parts of him, piece by piece, he'd thought he'd lost forever.

TAGS: @lma1986, @myownthoughts12, @xslavicprincess, @foliosgirl, @glitterydeputyshepherdwagon, @jilliemiw86, @sthnog, @lookwhatitcost

 “Show me you're better off without me/ Choking on every word you said, we'll see, we'll see / Don't breathe another word about me I'll leave and you can finally rest in peace, we'll see” -NEVER KNOW-

Noah,

By the time you read this, I'll be gone. You have to understand that it's better for both of us this way if I just vanish from your life and wipe your slate, your consciousness completely clean. Once you're finished with this letter, I guarantee you will hate me and loath just the thought of me. My name will become a bitter poison on your tongue and the tongues of those who will no longer be my family because of their loyalty to you. You'll never want to breathe my name, let alone any other words about me, to anyone. I'm warning you now, Noah, what I'm about to tell you is going to ruin you. It's going to break your heart so badly that you're probably going to wish you were dead. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm doing this to you, but it's the only way. You have to know the truth about what happened during those three days in Montana on that last tour we were on together; you deserve to know because it was the moment that everything changed for us. You're better off without me, and in time, you'll see. In time, you'll be able to rest in peace. 

Noah:

“I didn't want to finish the letter. Knowing she was already gone was enough, and reading it, having it spelled out in front of me would’ve only made things worse. But I chose to finish it anyway but regretted the instant I did. I swear I could feel myself slowly slipping away as her words started to bring out the worst in her that I never knew existed."

I rested my forehead against the back of her shoulder.

“I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you were feeling. Being abandoned is hard, but the lonely place it takes you to is worse.” “You would know, wouldn't you,” I said while playing with her fingers. She leaned back against my chest while sitting between my legs. Turning her head at just the right angle, she glided the tip of her nose softly along my jawline that filled with a deep yearning to be inside her again. “Not the same way you do.” I shivered when her lips left a trail of soft kisses on my skin. “Read me more, please. I want to know everything,” she urged. I sighed, and even though I really didn't want to, I knew sharing this part of my life was important for us. So, I continued.

“Lying in between the memories choking me, and I don't know which way to go, but I'm okay to never know” -NEVER KNOW-

The night you told me the truth about cheating on me, it broke me, but not in the way you might think. I was angry, full of guilt, relief, sorrow, and regret that created a huge mess of emotions I didn’t know how to deal with. Running was my only option. I had to escape the pain of knowing how horribly I'd hurt you and you didn't even know it. Noah, you were brave enough to be honest with me about what you did. You admitted your guilt and how ashamed it made you feel. You truly believed you'd hurt me and watching the way it tore your mind and heart apart left me in agony. I wanted to tell you the truth then, but I just couldn't bring myself to, so I took the coward's way out and ran away. 

I called Jolly and cried to him. He couldn't understand anything I was saying, let alone any idea of what I was talking about, but he did his best to console me anyway. The guilt I felt, knowing what I’d done to his best friend just made everything numb and blur together. The way I was driving I didn’t see the headlights of the other vehicle in my lane. Jolly was still on the phone when I screamed right as the collision happened. That was the last thing I remembered before I woke up in the hospital. So, what is the truth that was too hard for me to tell you even though I was given the chance to say many times? Noah, I hope you're sitting down because what I'm about to say is going to be the death of whatever peace your mind had about me.

Noah:

“Noah?” Her soft voice calling to me made me lower my head and when her hand collided with my cheek, her touch brought me back to reality. The past wasn't real, but she was, and so was the feeling of her naked body against mine. Turning herself around so that her legs were on either side of me and her arms were resting on my shoulders, she leaned in and kissed me, slipping her tongue inside my mouth little by little. She was making me so hard and I knew she could feel me between her legs, pressed tightly against that sweet soft spot of hers I loved so much. I couldn’t control the constant twitching that was happening each time she purposely pushed herself into me either.

"She knew exactly what she was doing to you, and that’s what hurt you the most. I'm sorry she hurt you,” her voice whispered in my ear before she took a little bit of it in her mouth. “Ughh, fuck baby,” I moaned, squeezing her hips tighter and tugging her closer to me. “That’s what happens,” she said, brushing her breast up against me, her perky nipples grazing across my skin, making it scream. “You let people in and they destroy you. But I won’t.” She sat back and looked at me, the look in her eyes nearly making me cum. She had me wound up so tight that I swallowed hard when she pushed herself into me again and her warm, shaky breath washed over my face. “You deserve so much more than you believe you do, Noah.” Slipping her hands beneath the waistband of my box-briefs, I lifted my bottom up and she slid them down my legs, tossing them aside, retaking her spot over me. “I’ll give you the world, if you want it,” she admitted, laying her mouth on mine and taking my lips to hers as if she owned them; she did. “The moon, the fucking stars. Anything you ask, it’s yours. I’m yours. You can have all of me,” she confessed through a shaky, tear filled voice.

I pulled her way to look at her and my heart felt like it had busted through my chest. She had tears streaming down her cheeks, but the prettiest smile on her lips. I sat up and kissed her tears away tasting their saltiness. “I want all of it,” I admitted, brushing some hair out of her face. “I want all of you, but not just what you let the world see. I want all the broken, busted up parts too; the parts that make you, you. I meant it when I said I would fight the battle for you. I would, I still will. If I have you, then you have all of me too.” She started to cry and I pulled her into me as she laid her head on my shoulder. I fucking loved this girl in my arms more than I ever thought possible. More than the girl in the letter, and that scared me.

After a few moments of silence had passed and I was about to continue reading, but the warmth from her hand found my hard cock. Slowly she  ran her hand down my shaft, then back up, the grip she had applying the perfect pressure needed to stimulate what I was dying for on the inside. I laid my head back against the couch, zoning into nothing but the feeling of what her hand was doing. The faster she went the harder her grip became and reminded me of what being inside her felt like; heaven. I found her entrance between her wet folds and quietly slipped a finger inside her warm sex enjoying the way she melted into my touch and sucked in a quick breath, followed by a beautifully moan that filled the room. I felt her wetness coat my fingers, making me feel like I had all the power over her I wanted. The truth was though, she was the one with all the power. “I need to be inside you, now.” I ordered. She didn't hesitate to obey but instead shifted enough so that her pussy was aligned perfectly with my hard length.

“Noah, look at me,” she commanded and I listened. Her eyes were vibrant and full of something indescribable, something that I could never put into words; but I felt it and I knew she did too. “I fucking love you.” It slipped out before I could stop myself and I was scared I crossed a line. But her smile took that feeling away. It was genuine, and made me feel the exact way, if not more, I felt when I first saw her. “I love you too; all of you.” She pushed into me and took all of me into her and I watched her expression change as soon as I filled her. Her tight, wet walls closed in on my throbbing cock now buried deep inside her, searching for that special spot that was going to pull all the pretty cries and moans from her that I loved to hear. I gripped her hips, sighing once she began to move slowly, with her hands placed firmly on my chest. But I wanted more and I knew she did too. “I want you to grind on me, baby, ride me till you're satisfied. Ride me till you cum.”

That seemed to be all she needed. Soon I had her crying and moaning so loudly that she dug her nails deep into my skin, squeezed me tighter with her thighs, and let my name fall from her lips like a sacred prayer. It was beautiful. She was beautiful. She pulled my hands to her small breasts, indicating to me she wanted stimulation and I all too willing obliged her. I took each nipple between my finger and thumb, squeezing them until she cried. Once hard and perky, I dragged my tongue lazily over the soft, delicate skin, circling and lapping every part until taking it in my mouth. Her moans pulled my organism closer and I knew I wasn't going to last much longer. Luckily, I didn't have too. Her hands found the back of my head, holding me in place while she fucked me slow and gently and I got her off by sucking my favorite parts of her. “Noah, baby,” she didn't finish her sentence, but she didn't have to. I looked up, grinning at the face I saw. With eyes closed, she was in perfect ecstasy. “Are you gonna cum for me, Princess.” She didn't say anything, just moaned and nodded. “Cum for me then baby, let it go and give us both what we want.”

Her lips crashed into mine and our tongues danced as she came undone all over me and I quickly followed. It wasn't loud, it wasn't messy; it was just us, falling apart for one another together quietly. It was love making in its purest form and in that moment with her I realized the difference between straight fucking with foreplay and making love and how they were very different. We weren’t each other's first. She had a fucked up ex and I had many experiences that left me feeling used. But what she and I had just shared had so many emotions involved, ones that I didn't even know I could feel anymore. She pulled them out of me somehow and allowed me to willingly feel what I had buried away. They were tangled together, knotted and rooted in the dirt of my past. But, thanks to the beautiful human in my arms, for the first time in my life I felt the difference and wasn't afraid to feel them. She made me feel so fucking alive and I loved it. 

“Speaking in languages we can’t read, no need for you to spell it out for me/ Swallowed up and I’ spit you out, like a drug that just wouldn’t stay down" -NEVER KNOW-

Montana was beautiful, Noah, and the idea of visiting it with you was a dream come true. I'll never forget when you came home and told me that it was on the list of states the band was playing. Your excitement was contagious and the way your eyes sparkled and lit up your entire face will forever haunt me. It was one of the last times we were truly happy together. Those three days haunt me, Noah. They hold the worst, but also the best memories. So here it goes… the whole truth.

The first show day went smoothly; you remember I'm sure. We all went out and had a small celebration in that little country bar where Folio rode the mechanical bull until he bled… like seriously bled. I thought I was going to pass out seeing all the blood from his arm. The day of the second show, however, was utter chaos and hell. Everyone woke up late, the venue wasn't unlocked when we got there, and some of the equipment malfunctioned. You were miserable and because you were miserable, so was everyone else. I tried to help, but now know how worse I actually made it for you. And the moment you yelled at me in front of not just the crew but the guys too, I knew things were going to be different between us. It wasn't that you yelled at me, Noah, it was what you said that was the slap to my face. You accused me of being selfish and too self conceited to understand what you were going through, and you know what? You were right. I was, I am those things. And to prove I was, I decided to get back at you in my own way; the way I regret now more than anything. 

After storming out of the venue and turning my phone off, I found a bar away from the venue, away from every memory of you. I wanted you out of my head, but mostly out of my heart because I was hurting. So, the first guy who sat down next to me and bought me a few rounds was it. He was the one I chose to make my biggest mistake with. He took me back to his hotel room, which ironically was in the same hotel as ours, you were just one floor above me. I was too drunk to worry about anything, not even caring if the receptionist recognized me. 

Noah, I will save you the details of what I did with that man in that hotel room that night. It wasn't at all what I thought it would be, and in the end he left me hurting way more than when I started out. Not just emotionally, but physically too. Thankfully there were no marks on my body, yet, but the bruises would show the following day. I lied and said you did them to me and the look on your face was devastating. I felt like a piece of shit. Maybe I was. No, I know I was. I should burn in hell for what I did to you; what I said to you. You didn't deserve it. But the worst was yet to come when the events of the night you fucked some girl who wasn't me happened and you found out I was pregnant. Nicholas said at first you were too shocked, but when it was time for me to leave the hospital, Matt said it was all you could talk about; how you were going to be a dad and how you had so much faith that the baby would be the thing to tie us back together after your actions ruined us. It wasn't you who ruined us, Noah, it was me, but I couldn't tell you that. Not now. Not with a baby on the way. So, I kept my silence and avoided you as much as I could, using your cheating as the excuse. And I lied to you every day up until… well you know when. 

Losing the baby was never, ever the intention, that, I promise, you can believe. I never wanted any harm to come to my baby. But when I woke up last month at seventeen weeks pregnant in a pool of blood, I knew it was over. The lies could stop, the truth could come out and everything would be okay. Except it wasn't, was it? Losing the baby was too hard for you. It made you do things you regret doing and I regret watching, knowing I had the power to stop it all. I know the feeling of loss is still very raw in your heart. You're wounded and reading this letter, knowing I'm long gone, soon to be nothing but a distant memory you'd do anything to forget, is going to throw salt on that wound, but I think it's time for me to help you put your demons to rest. 

Noah, the baby…. the baby was never yours to begin with. I mean, honestly, think back to the first time we had sex after that fight. Think…. and you'll remember. If you don't let me help. You wore a condom, Noah and you filled it, but I lied to you and told you it broke because I was scared. The night I spitefully killed us in every way possible was the night I conceived another man's child. 

So, you see, none of it was your fault after all. It was mine all along. Did I feel guilt? Yes. Remorse? No. Not until now. Now that I’m walking away from you, I feel every bit of remorse possible, but it’s too late now, isn’t it. The you I knew and loved is gone and so is the girl you knew. And that’s the difference between us, Noah. You felt remorse and it made you so vulnerable. 

I hope the next girl you fall in love with is good to you. I hope she is never afraid of your darkness or the demons who dance in your eyes sometimes. I remember the time when you thought no one could ever love you if you revealed what lurks inside you. You’ve always been different, Noah, you know that and how could anyone understand that? But I hope she understands and is never afraid to follow you into your darkness so that she can learn to love the beast that’s inside. I tried to, but in the end I realized that sometimes, true love comes in the form of a loving demon, or a protective monster, or even a dark angel who sits and waits patiently for you to arrive. You are all those things Noah; and I hated you for it. I’m sorry I hated you, because now I know that you were the only one to ever, truly love me. 

With All My Love, Always, Sarah

Noah:

I woke up, flat on my back, head off the pillow, but the blanket over top of me. As my vision cleared, Sophie was nowhere to be seen. My heart started pounding, thinking maybe she regretted last night; the things we did, the things I said. Was it all too much and she felt pressured or overwhelmed? I started to panic, running my hands over my face, trying to convince myself everything was okay, but it didn't help. I sat up, looking around for my shirt only to remember that I'd used it on Sophie, making me remember the corner I threw it in; it was still there.

I needed to find Sophie and make sure everything was good between us, especially now that she knew the truth about me and Sarah. I needed to know if she was still willing to commit herself to me, to us, with this kind of baggage attached, but first I needed a shower. My stomach suddenly hurt, the anxiety nipping away on the inside and it felt like there was a giant hole in me. I needed to fill that hole. I need my girl.

Chapter 1: The Things We Could Never Change

[moremaybank]

heyy! if you have time, i'd really like some angst that will make me cry... lol i was thinking klaus x wife! reader where they have been together all these years and he lets his paranoia get ahead of him and hee daggers her to "keep her safe" and then years later he undaggers her and she is all betrayed and whatever else you want ❤️ thanks!

PARANOIA — k.m

pairing klaus mikaelson x fem!reader

summary klaus goes too far while trying to protect you and your shared family.

warnings angst, klaus and reader arguing, klaus daggering reader

author's note hope you like it, babes!

klaus masterlist

yours and klaus's story had always been sacred to you both.

you'd met as children, klaus teaching you how to craft paints from the countless flowers he'd found in the forest. you tended to cuts and bruises branded on him by mikael, wiping away his tears as you tried your best to take even a fraction of his pain away. you were turned together, struggling to adjust to the changes that came with being immortal. when klaus broke his curse, you were right there by his side, reassuring him that you would navigate through it together.

you'd fled each and every home you'd made together, constantly on the run from the man klaus called father. you fought tirelessly to protect his siblings, the ones you'd considered to be your family as well. you'd hunted down doppelgängers in search of breaking his curse, fought against the numerous enemies klaus had made over the centuries, built empires together...the list goes on.

but never in a million years had you ever expected to find yourselves where you were right now.

"i've had enough, klaus! for weeks now, you've been pushing me away. casting me aside like i'm some toy you're no longer interested in playing with. i deserve more! so you're either going to talk to me, or i'm going to have to investigate for myself."

"leave it alone, y/n. this does not concern you."

"of course it does! we've been building a life together for a thousand years. your battles are my battles. your triumphs are my triumphs. every single decision you make affects me, and vice-versa. we've always faced our problems together, so why is it any different now?"

"it's different because you've become a weakness!"

klaus's statement caught you off-guard, and you swore you felt your heart shatter at his tone.

"what's that supposed to mean?"

klaus squeezed his hand into a fist tightly, trying to calm himself down before he said something he would never be able to take back.

"i will not allow my enemies to use you against me. if they manage to take you away from me, they can use your knowledge about my family and me as ammunition to tear us apart. everything we've ever built will end up in nothing but ash, all because i wasn't smart or brave enough to take the proper precautions needed to protect my family."

"our family! ours!" you argued. "we're married! does that not hold any weight for you? because it does for me.”

klaus remained silent, avoiding your gaze as the guilt coursed through him. he didn't want this. not for you and not for himself. but what choice did he have? he'd betrayed his siblings left, right and centre any time it had served him, but even he knew that he was wrong. and he was trying to make things right. no matter what, he'd always protect them. even if it meant losing out on the things and people he'd loved. like you.

"this isn't you, klaus. this isn't us. we're supposed to be honest with each other and make each other better. forever. even when we lose our way. especially then. but we can't do that when you refuse to talk to me or even look at me, for that matter."

you approached him carefully, hands smoothing up his arms to rest on his broad shoulders. it took a bit of silent pleading, but you got him to look at you. "please, my love. whatever's going on, we can deal with it together, just as we always do." klaus refuses to answer you, and you sigh. "this is bigger than just us. it's about our family. now, i will go down swinging for every last one of you, but you need to let me."

klaus shrugged your hands off of him with a huff, "that's the problem."

"what? what is?"

"the fact that you won't ever let these things go. you would fight to the death for us, and that is the exact thing that is going to get you killed."

tears welled in your eyes as your expression changed. you crossed your arms in defence, brows furrowing as you looked away from him. "oh, so— so what? it's perfectly fine for you to risk everything to save our family, but when i try to do the same, it's an issue?"

"you aren't listening—"

"no, you aren't listening! you don't get to make decisions for me. you can't just cut me out of your diabolical plans and expect me to sit here and take it. this affects me too! why can't you see that?"

again, klaus had no answer. you struggled to accept it, because how could the man who always seemed to have something to say have absolutely no words for you now?

"you're letting your paranoia cloud your judgement. you can't give it the power. you have to trust that we'll be okay."

"trust can be a fickle thing, love. anything can change in an instant. and you're right, i am paranoid. i'm allowing my demons to control me, and the only way i can take my power back is if i try to beat it. and i only know of one way that i can." klaus started to walk toward you, much too calmly for your liking. a look of confusion washed over your features. a chill ran down your spine at his tone.

"klaus...what's going on with you? seriously." you backed up with each step he took forward until your back hit the wall behind you.

klaus's hand came up to your face, gently holding your gaze on him. "i refuse to let anything happen to you. you're too precious to me," he breathed. "and it pains me to do this. in fact, if i could be killed, this would be the very thing that would end my life. but i cannot afford to take chances with your life."

klaus reached behind him, his movements calm so as to not startle you. he pulled the dagger out of his back pocket and slowly brought it forth. you looked downward as you felt the tip of it pressing against your chest ever so slightly.

"klaus, no. you can't. you won't."

your eyes met klaus's again as he took a deep breath. "i need to know you're safe. this is the only way i can be certain."

a combination of fear and anger was caught in your throat, but you forced yourself to speak. "if you do this, you'll lose me forever. and you know very well that forever is a long time, especially for a vampire."

"i don't have a choice, sweetheart," he whispered. and with that, he plunged the dagger into your heart. he held onto your frame as it grew lifeless. tears were cascading down his cheeks as he shut his eyes, clutching onto you. "even if you grow to hate me, you'll be alive to do so."

-

ten years had passed. the mikaelsons had relocated again and again, defeating their enemies as best as they could while doing so. though it hadn't been all smooth sailing.

your presence was felt by the lot of them. the ferocity with which you would fight for them. the love and constant kindness you showed them. the way you believed in the good parts in all of them. there was so much to love about you, and in light of klaus's actions, there was so much to regret the loss of.

none of them could say they were happy about the circumstance you'd been in, yet they couldn't deny that it quelled the fear of their enemies bringing you to a permanent death by their hands.

but now that the fire had died down, klaus could revive you.

klaus stood over your half-living body in your coffin, his undead heart threatening to beat right out of his chest.

"you cannot leave her like this forever," elijah spoke as he approached klaus from behind.

"i know. but i'm not ready to lose her," klaus breathed. "what if she never forgives me? i don't know that i can see myself going on without her. but i do know that i will turn into a man that even i won't be able to recognize."

elijah's hand came up to rest on klaus's shoulder. "you have to allow her to make her own decisions, brother. she will forgive you, or she will not. but she deserves the freedom to decide as she chooses."

klaus nodded his head, the movement barely noticeable. he knew elijah was right, and even if you chose not to forgive him, he could take comfort in the fact that you were alive and breathing. it would absolutely suck, but still, you wouldn't be dead.

"i'll leave you to it," elijah said, "but remember that all things aside, she loves you. no matter if she's hurt or angry. she loves you, niklaus."

klaus listened to the clicks of elijah's dress shoes against the ground as he left him alone with you. he took a deep breath, bracing himself for whatever was about to come. his hand wrapped around the dagger, closing his eyes as he carefully withdrew it from your chest. he placed it on the small table next to your coffin, taking a seat on his chair as he waited for life to spring back into you.

a few moments passed, and klaus watched as your fingers twitched. the grey complexion that took over your body started to fall away, the true tone of your skin taking its place. you groaned as you woke up from your decade-long slumber.

"love?" klaus questioned, quiet as a mouse. he stood up, approaching your coffin. "are you—" he paused with a huff, "how are you feeling?"

you sat up slowly, turning your head to look at klaus. the man you'd trusted with your heart and soul. as you stared at him, you didn't know if you felt that same trust. not after he betrayed you in the way he did.

"how am i feeling? " you asked. "i'm feeling like you daggered me and left me in a lifeless sleep for god knows how long." you sat up, climbing out of the coffin and smacking klaus's hand away when he tried to help you.

"sweetheart, please. let me explain—"

"explain what, klaus? i've given you everything. every last piece of me, and then some. and it still wasn't enough for you to trust me. do you know what that feels like?" he doesn't respond, but he keeps his gaze locked on yours. "it feels like choosing to love and stand by you was a colossal and utter waste of my time. a thousand years worth."

klaus stepped closer to you hesitantly, as his hands found your face. "i know you're angry with me. i understand. but you have to know that i only did what i did to protect you."

you sighed harshly, removing his hands from you. "don't. you don't get to do that. you don't get to dagger me and shove me in a box when my existence isn't convenient for you. i deserve more than that. more than you."

"y/n. i'm sorry. i did what i thought was right. i did what i knew would keep you alive. i was trying to protect you."

"i don't need you to protect me, klaus. i need you to respect me a—and to see me as your equal. but you don't. you just see someone you can push around. and i'm done putting up with it."

you began to walk away, but you paused, turning back to face him. “as the centuries passed, i’ve seen you do terrible, unspeakable things to a lot of people, but i always thought that you had a limit. i thought i would be your limit. but i guess i was wrong.”

"that's not true, y/n. you are the most sacred thing on this planet to me. you're everything. i couldn't risk losing you, especially not when i had the means to stop it," he replied. "please don't do this. don't walk away from us and everything we've built."

you scoffed, "there is no us, klaus. not anymore." you looked into his blue orbs, the very pair of eyes that once brought you so much joy now being the ones to bring you pain. “rebekah tried to warn me all those years ago, and i shrugged her off because i believed in you and i believed in what we had. but now…”

“…what are you saying?”

“i’m saying," you paused, "maybe she was right.” and with that, you left him. lost, alone, and afraid of what was to come.

~

klaus tag list (join here!): @princess-charming-01 @maybankslover @kittyqrt @darkmoonbloodshake @techlipse @the-kaya-aa @catmikaelson20 @hopesdadswife @amournoir @skydisneylover @iluvniklaus @diyabhanushali1 @your_best_hoe @ijustlovetoread @lyn07 @elenavampire21

[pebblestar]

Raphael x reader

【 Focus 】

"Woman. Your going to work yourself into the ground."

Raphael nudges you on your back with his foot and your quick to swat him away with a look of pure annoyance.

"I'm trying to focus. I'm almost done with this stupid report but..."

Your words trail off as you bite at the cap of the pen with clear frustration.

This report for work had been taking you forever to finish. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn't concentrate on your own work and it'd already been two of hours of practically glaring at the paper in front of you.

It's a wonder how you haven't cried yet due to just frustrated you were becoming.

Raphael had obviously made sure you took breaks, but knew better then to tell you quit working- You were just as stubborn as the turtle was after all.

It's two more minutes of glaring at the paper in front of you, until a sudden idea hits you suddenly.

"Raph. Come here."

"Why?"

"Please?"

There's a sigh from the turtle before he's slipping off of the couch and settling down next to you on the floor.

"Look if your gonna ask me about taxes, I ain't got a clue on how to do 'em. You can try askin Don tho."

You chuckle at his words before shaking your head.

Instead you reach out your hand until your grasping Raphael's hand in your own.

With your free hand, you start up where you left off, jolting down what you needed to fill out by the end of the week for your job.

"...What are you doing?"

Raphael questions after a few minutes, Clearly confused by your actions.

"What do you mean?"

You respond back without taking your eyes off of the paper.

"Why are ya holding my hand?"

He watches you write for a bit longer and when you finally respond his face just about turns the shade of his own bandana.

"...Helps me focus. Especially when we're out in public and my anxiety is through the roof...It just calms me down. Makes me feel safe."

You pause in your writing before glancing over at Raph.

"Sorry. I can let go if you-"

"S'fine."

Raphael's immediately cutting you off before he can even think properly on what he's even saying.

"Uh... I just uh mean if it helps ya focus then whatever."

The turtle is quick to play it off like it isn't a big deal, but on the inside his heart feels fuzzy at the fact that he's able to make you feel that way.

God. What have you done to him?

He's never felt this way about anyone until you had came into his life.

You take notice of how the turtle scouches closer until both your shoulders are now pressed together.

"Thanks Raphie. I love youu~"

You coo at him and place a gentle kiss onto his cheek.

Then you return your attention back to your work, All the while Raphael felt like he would explode at any given moment with all the affection you'd just given him.

It takes maybe a hour or so for you to finally finish up your work but as soon as your setting your pen down, Raphael is pulling you onto his lap.

"Raph?"

You voice your confusion then feel his hands cupping your cheeks bringing you into a kiss.

A small noise of surprise leaves you before your closing your eyes and returning the kiss with a content sigh.

"Someone's clingly."

You tease once Raphael's parts away from your lips.

He huffs at you, Arms coming to wrap around your waist as he rests his chin on your shoulder.

"I guess you can say I've tamed the beast. You really are a teddy bear, raph."

"M'not, Shortcake."

"It's cute really. I like seeing this side of you. Well your rageful side is pretty hot too but-"

A quick kiss is pressed to your lips to silence you before Raphael buries his face into the crook of your neck.

He's mumbling something you can't quite catch.

Then you pick up on his soft yet embarrassed.

"...Love you."

A soft smile finds its way onto your lips and you press a final kiss onto his cheek before allowing yourself to cuddle into the turtle.

At the end of the day and through his grumpy little exterior, Raphael really was just a giant cuddly teddy bear at heart. And the best part was that this side of him was for your eyes only. No one else's but yours.

[solo6677]

Roommates

 Lisa and Richard had been roommates for three long years, but their living arrangement had become far from harmonious. Lisa, a striking beauty with a seemingly endless supply of charm, had never paid the rent. Instead, she would take the money meant for their shared living expenses and use it to fund her extravagant lifestyle.

Despite Richard's repeated attempts to confront Lisa about her selfish behavior, she would simply brush him off with a smile and a wave of her hand. She was self-absorbed, and it seemed that nothing and no one could stand in the way of her desires.

Richard: Lisa, we need to talk about the rent. It's overdue again.

Lisa: Oh, Richard darling, don't worry about it. I've got everything under control.

Richard: I've asked you multiple times to pay your share on time, but you never do. It's not fair to me.

Lisa: Dear, you're being such a buzzkill. Let's just enjoy life, shall we? There's always more money where that came from.

Richard: That's not the point, Lisa. We agreed to split the costs evenly. Your extravagant lifestyle can't come at my expense.

Lisa: Richard, you need to relax. I'm handling things. Trust me, I always land on my feet.

Richard: I hope so, Lisa, because this can't go on forever.

As if her financial irresponsibility wasn't enough, Lisa had also earned a reputation as a bit of a floozy. She slept with both men and women, often bringing them back to the apartment in the dead of night and leaving a trail of chaos in her wake. But what upset Richard the most was that she didn't show any care for him. He had feelings for her but she didn't reciprocate them at all.

Finally , Richard had enough. He couldn't continue to shoulder the burden of Lisa's reckless actions any longer. But as he prepared to confront her once and for all, he couldn't help but wonder: what would it take to finally make Lisa see the error of her ways?

Richard: Lisa, I've had it. Your financial irresponsibility and promiscuity are causing serious problems in our lives. I can't keep bailing you out and dealing with the messes you leave behind. It's time for you to take a hard look at yourself and make some changes. I won't keep paying the rent by myself for you anymore.

Richard had reached his breaking point. After three years of living with Lisa's selfish and reckless behavior, he knew he had to get out. When the rent was due and Lisa didn't have it once again, he made the decision to leave and find a new place to live.

Richard:(firmly) Enough is enough, Lisa, I can't keep covering for your careless spending and reckless behavior. I've decided to move out and find a place of my own.

Lisa:(in shock)What do you mean you're leaving?

Richard:I mean that I can't continue to live like this. The rent is due again, and once again, you haven't come through. I deserve better than this.

Lisa: (crying) But Richard, I promise I'll change.

Richard: I've heard that before, Lisa, but actions speak louder than words. It's time for me to prioritize my own well-being and find a more stable living situation.

Lisa :Please don't leave me.

Richard:I'm sorry, Lisa, but I have to do what's best for me. It's time for me to move on.

Two days later Richard had everything packed and said his goodbyes. He then walked out the door for a new lease on life. Lisa was saddened by Richard's departure.

After a few days she put out an ad for a new roommate, confident that it wouldn't be long before someone jumped at the chance to live with her. But a month went by, and still no one had answered the ad. Lisa began to worry. She couldn't afford the rent on her own, and she knew she needed to find a new roommate fast.

Finally, just when Lisa was starting to lose hope, a woman named Rachel responded to the ad. Rachel was confident and poised, with a striking beauty that immediately caught Lisa's attention. She seemed like the perfect roommate, and Lisa was thrilled when she agreed to move in.

Lisa: Rachel, I'm so glad you got in touch. I was starting to think I'd never find a suitable roommate.

Rachel: I'm happy to be here, Lisa. I saw your ad and just knew this would be a great fit.

Lisa: Your confidence and poise are really impressive. I can tell you're going to bring so much positivity to this place.

Rachel: Thank you, Lisa. I always try to put my best foot forward and make a good impression. I'm excited to be living with you and can't wait to get to know you better.

Lisa: I feel the same way. You have a striking beauty that immediately caught my attention. I have no doubt that we'll get along famously.

Rachel: I'm thrilled to have found such a wonderful roommate. I know we're going to have a great time living together.

But Rachel had a dark secret. She was not who she seemed, and she had her own agenda for moving in with Lisa. Before long, she had turned the tables on Lisa, putting her in her place and taking control.

Rachel was a dominant force. Lisa, who had always been so confident and self-assured, found herself helpless under Rachel's spell. She couldn't resist Rachel's charms, and she soon found herself doing everything that Rachel commanded.

It all started one night when Rachel leaned back in her chair, a smirk playing on her lips.

Rachel: Lisa, darling, I need you to run to the store for me. I'm just dying for some ice cream.

Lisa hesitated, her mind racing. She knew she should say no, but the way Rachel was looking at her made her heart flutter.

Lisa: I-I don't know, Rachel. I have a lot of work to do.

Rachel's eyes narrowed.

Rachel: Oh, come on, Lisa. You know you want to. And I'll make it worth your while.

Lisa swallowed hard, her resolve crumbling.

Lisa: O-okay, I'll go.

Rachel clapped her hands together.

Rachel: Excellent. Now, be a dear and hurry back. I'm getting impatient.

As Lisa left the room, she couldn't help but feel a twinge of resentment. Why was she letting Rachel boss her around like this? But at the same time, she couldn't deny the thrill she got from following Rachel's commands.

As the days went by Rachel did more of these commands. Every time Lisa followed these commands her pussy got wet. She was starting to enjoy her submissiveness to Rachel.

Things only got worse in the weeks ahead. Rachel started to assert more dominance on her and had Lisa do sexual things with her. Rachel would have Lisa eat out her pussy at least twice a day and forbid her to have sex with anybody else.

Rachel: You'll eat me out, twice a day. No exceptions.

Lisa: Yes, Rachel.

Rachel: You're mine, Lisa. Don't forget. And from now on you call me Mistress Rachel

Lisa: Yes Mistress Rachel

Lisa felt her pussy get wet as she called Rachel Mistress.

Rachel: (smirking) I know you want to please me, Lisa. Just give in to it.

Rachel: You're not allowed to sleep with anyone else. Understand?

Lisa: (whispering). Yes mistress Rachel

Rachel: (staring intently) You're going to do what I say, when I say it. And you're going to like it.

Lisa: Yes Mistress Rachel

Rachel: You're mine now, Lisa. And I'm going to make sure you know it.

Rachel : Now show your mistress how much you want her I want you to take off all your clothes and rub your clit until you cum.

Lisa then did what her mistress told her to do. She first slid off her camisole then she undid her bra. Next she slid off her skirt and then finally slid down her panties. Lisa sat on the floor and then rubbed her clit until she came. Rachel just smiled like the Cheshire Cat. She knew she had Lisa right where she wanted her.

In the month that followed Lisa fell more and more into servitude. She would bathe Rachel, make all meals, and was forced to pay the entire rent by finding a second job. She became a stripper at the local gentlemen's club.

One night when Lisa was in between Rachel's legs servicing her pussy, Rachel had an evil grin on her face.She then revealed Lisa how she came to be.

Rachel : You know, Lisa, if you had been kinder to Richard, maybe things would have turned out differently. But no, you had to toss him aside like yesterday's garbage. Well, I have some news for you. I was Richard before I stumbled upon that life-changing elixir. And all I wanted after that was to get my sweet revenge and make you my little plaything. And look at us now. I'm a stunning woman and you're licking my pussy and serving me as my slave. I think it's safe to say I've succeeded.

Lisa sat on the floor, her eyes wide with shock and disbelief. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Rachel, the woman she had come to see as a friend and confidante, was actually Richard, the man she had betrayed and mistreated for so long. And now, she was nothing more than Rachel's slave, a plaything to be used and discarded at will.

Lisa felt a wave of anger and resentment wash over her. How could Rachel do this to her? How could she manipulate and deceive her so easily? But even as these thoughts raced through her mind, she knew the answer: she had let it happen. She had let Rachel take control, and now she was paying the price.

Rachel stood up, a cruel smile on her lips. I hope you've learned your lesson, Lisa, she said, her voice dripping with venom. You may be my slave now, but you can always choose to leave. All you have to do is say the word, and I'll release you from your servitude. But I have a feeling you'll be back. You're a weak and selfish person, Lisa, and you'll always choose the easy way out. Just like you did with Richard.

Lisa looked up at Rachel, her eyes filled with tears. She wanted to argue, to defend herself, but she knew Rachel was right. She had always been weak, always been selfish. And now she was paying the price. She couldn't help but wonder if she would ever be able to break free from Rachel's control, or if she was destined to be a slave forever.

In the months that followed, Lisa sank deeper and deeper into her servitude. She did everything Rachel commanded, no matter how degrading or humiliating. She was Rachel's slave, and she knew it. She had lost all sense of self-worth, and she couldn't imagine a future beyond her life of servitude.

Lisa then did what her mistress told her to do. She first slid off her camisole then she undid her bra. Next she slid off her skirt and then finally slid down her panties. Lisa sat on the floor and then rubbed her clit until she came. Rachel just smiled she knew she had Lisa right where she wanted her.

[instexcamera]

droolinf over merman kanata.

hear me out, Fantasy AU where you're a solo pirate taking a break on this secluded island you found. Kanata comes around and is like "why the fuck is there a massive ship in my territory" then he sees you and now hes like "now theres an attractive pirate here, what do i do" You accidentally spot him and he ran away. Initially, he didn't want you there. But after days, almost a week now, he's starting to see some perks to letting you stay.

Ever since you saw him, you've been leaving out part of your huntings for him. Since he wasn't the strongest swimmer even for a merman, sometimes it was hard for him to catch food, often eating seaweed instead of that yummy lobster that ran away.... As a thank you for the food you provided him, he decided to give you a little gift.

suprise! the gift is him. he goes up to shore when he knows youll be there, and strikes up a conversation with you. You're elated you finally get to talk to the merman you saw, and hes happy because you agreed to keep feeding him. for a price of course. He keeps you company and lets you stay on his island for who knows how long, (please be forever, hes started to grow attached to you) and you keep hunting for him and keeping his tummy full!

anyways you both agree to the deal and now its been what, weeks? you both grow closer and closer, but now all he thinks about is you. talking with you, eating with you, mating with you, fucking you(or fucking him, hes not opposed) ... He doesn't want you to leave anymore and mating season for him is coming soon,,

ajjdhsn i have many thoughts on this (him) nd one of them is getting him pregnant... mfgh keeping his tummy full in more ways than one...

god this is so long i apologize

Wuah! No it's ok I really liked this! I just can't respond quickly to things currently!

I've also been getting quite a lot of fantasy au things in my inbox and now I'm imagining something for everyone. I also accidentally made this much longer than I originally thought I would

But yes Kanata, seeing a island in the distance one day after a while of searching, knowing you can't return back to your main land for a while because their at war (thanks Eichi). So finding a pretty good little island filled with fruits, woodland creatures, and marine life is perfect

Kanata notices right away, chilling on the shoreline however he splashes back in the water before you spot him. He keeps watch diligently and hopes he isn't spotted since he wouldn't be able to swim as fast he would want to get away

Claiming the land, setting up small houses, and eating the food, he watches it all attentively. He can understand you relatively well however he struggles a little, the mers have a different language. Sometimes when you went fishing you'd accidentally drop a fish, crab, or lobster. As soon as you're away he grabs it, overjoyed he can finally get them quick enough since you either killed it or stunned it

A month later he works up the courage to approach you. Secretly you had known the mer was watching but had never expected a interaction. He looks like he might dart with any surprising movement from you yet you hold a good conversation with him. Him asking you about food and eventually making a deal, you can stay if you give him food.

The longer you stay the more attached he gets, finally bringing you a pretty piece of sea glass he found. He meant it as a proposal but he didn't tell you, expecting you to know but obviously you didn't. Accepting the glass happily, he assumes you accept his proposal

He becomes more attached, showing up more often. You think it's cute not knowing in his eyes he sees you as his partner, or mate. And when heat season rolls around he expects you to help him. So when you act confused he has to explain. The thought of having a merman husband and not knowing made you laugh but you agreed to help him

You didn't know how mer people had sex. Never something which interested you yet you knew of people who had relationships with them. So when a slit on his tail opened up to reveal a long cock, almost like a tentacle, it surprised you

It didn't take long for you to get over it, not wanting to upset Kanata or make him feel self conscious. He can't prep you, his webbed hands make it basically impossible so you have to deal with the pure stretch of him

It's not that bad, being in the water with him and his cock having a sort of a aphrodisiac making it close to painless, only feeling pleasure. Of course you feel the way he forced you open, the feeling of fullness and when his tip hit your most sensitive area, making you squirm on his cock

Except when you move, he growls, fingers digging into your body as he bites down on whatever area he could, he had you now and you couldn't do anything. He would have let you go if you wanted him too, except that was the farthest thought from your mind, only wanting him to fulfill his needs and reach your own orgasm

He'd eventually have you crying and over stimulated on him, full of his cum which makes your stomach glow a slight light blue. When he'd finally pull out and his cum is leaking out, it's a sign to him you're fully his, if the marks on your body didn't already prove that point

He would lay with you on the shore until you decided to leave, shaking legs making it a little hard to leave him but you must before someone in your crew gets suspicious, they don't know about your relationship with Kanata. That's the one thing he hates about being with you, he can't always be there, of course no one would shun the relationship yet he was a little scared

[hsdiaries]

‘til forever

chapter one - 3.3k

master list

I used to judged my therapists, based on how their offices were decorated. Plants and warm tones meant they were safe and understanding. Clean lines and modern furniture meant they were there for just a paycheck. Obviously, this wasn't a set in stone fact, but the concept and idea worked in my mind. It worked as a way to avoid therapy for months - until I walked into Jackie's office. Rugs and pleasing mixed patterns, scattered green plants and mix matched thrifted furniture. Her office screamed care and compassion, so I couldn't walk away any longer. I no longer had a valid excuse other than I was scared to deal with everything. I was scared to deal with the fact, Louis was dead.

"You know, if I close my eyes, that night plays back in my memory like a nightmare I can't escape. I remember the look on Niall's face when he came to our house to let me know what had happened. He didn't even have to say anything for me to know something was wrong. His eyes" I paused, swallowing, inhaling sharply, "His eyes were blank, as if no words or emotion could describe what he was feeling at the moment - like there wasn't a feeling known to us that could describe the ache he was carrying in his heart."

"Are you still close with, Niall?" Jackie asked, sipping tea from a giant orange mug, definitely meant for noodles and not tea.

"Yes. He's the only one of our friends I still talk to." I said, fiddling with the hole on my jeans, the threads barely hanging on. These light washed pair of jeans were as old as my relationship with Louis had been and carried the same amount of wear and tear that our relationship had developed over its four year time span.

"Did you two heal together then?" She asked, and I nodded, palms running down the tops of my thighs.

"In a way...we used to talk about it, a lot. But, neither of us dealt with it professionally. I think we held on to the idea that - as long as we talked about what happened over and over, it would eventually not hurt. Or be easy to process. But, obviously I'm here so," I shrugged, licking my lips, cracking a small smile to break any awkwardness I seemed to always create.

"Well I'm glad you came here. I think loss always hurts, we just get it to a place that's bearable." She smiled as a small beep was heard, signifying our hour was up, "Same time next week?"

I pressed my lips tightly, nodding, "Yeah,"

"See you then Bentley." She smiled as we both stood, walking out of her small office. 

In the waiting room was Niall, his brows furrowed as he worked through the next puzzle in his crossword puzzle book, glasses barely hanging onto the bridge of his nose. His eyes flickered up momentarily, his face softening the instant we locked eyes.

"Ben, all done talking about your feelings?" He teased, pushing his glasses on the top of his head. Niall hated the idea of therapy, and speaking to a person who, in his own words, just wrote down your feelings to paraphrase them back to you and pretend they are giving meaning to them. I wouldn't say I completely disagreed with him, but sometimes, that's what I thought a human needed. Someone to sort out their feelings and explain it right back to them.

Though, I wasn't really sure anyone could explain my feelings back to me. I wasn't exactly sure how someone could bring any justification to the fact that Louis wasn't here anymore. How could anyone truly make me understand the reason why he couldn't walk home safely. Understand why someone would pull a gun on him, and shoot him. Once in the chest, and twice in the head.

All I understood was, the man who murdered him wanted to make sure he was successful. 

It had only been six months since that night in November, our final phone call playing constantly in my head.

-

Thanksgiving Night

"Baby, there aren't any fresh cranberries left. But I promise, I can make the canned one taste just as great," Louis puffed over the phone, the hustle of the store could be heard in the background.

"Louis, this is why I asked you to get them earlier this week. Canned doesn't taste the same. It's never going to fool anyone," I said, basting the turkey one final time before closing the oven.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. You're right, B. I should have gone when you asked. Look, I'll try that overpriced shop on the corner before the house, okay? If not, I swear, no one will know the difference." He cooed over the phone, trying to soften me up, and of course it worked.

I took a deep breath, realizing I was being too much, on the day I should be most thankful for what I have, "No baby. You know what, just come home-"

"-No, B, I screwed up. I'm going to make it better. That's what I do, remember?" He said, and I could hear his smile through the phone, soon reflecting on my face as well.

"You do make everything better, sweet boy. Okay. Um, call Niall while you're at it? He's almost here and maybe you two can meet up. I know he was walking over with two casserole trays and I love him but-.."

"..-he's the clumsiest ever?" Louis chuckled, making me laugh.

"Yes."

"Alright, I'll be there soon. I love you, B."

"I love you too, sweet boy."

Niall never met up with him. He heard it all happen over the phone. By the time he found him, Louis was already dead.

-

"So you still want to grab an early dinner?" Niall said, his arm moving around my shoulders, crossword book stuck under his arm, pencil behind his ear. He looked so sharp, pressed shirt, soft sweater over it. I loved how he always smelled so clean, a twinge of apricot always seemed to mix into the smell of fresh sheets on his skin.

"Ummm, as long as it's Rizzo's, then yes. I'm in need of a giant pastrami sammy." I smiled up at him, as always, counting the dark flecks of blue that filled his crystal seas.

"Ben wants pastrami, Ben gets pastrami. Come on then," he smiled, leading me out of the office.

Niall had been Louis's best friend since middle school when Louis moved to the states from London. They hated each other on Louis's first day and by the second day they were inseparable. In my mind, that's why he stuck around, never letting me push him away like I had with Mitch, Pauli and everyone else. In my mind, he stuck around because he felt like he owed it to Louis.

He was my best friend now. The reality of it being, he was my only friend. When I isolated myself from everyone, he waited outside my bubble until he realized he needed to pop it and save me from myself. 

My mother had other ideas, constantly alluding to the idea that Niall and I were meant to be together. That the universe knew we needed each other, bonding us for life.

Personally I hated when she made that statement, making me constantly feel like Louis had died for a reason. That reason being Niall and I being together. It was disgusting and made my heart ache in ways I couldn't even describe.

As we entered Rizzo's, I pushed free of Niall gently, walking over to the picture of Louis on the wall from when he won their Massive Sub Eating challenge, kissing my fingers and pressing them against his framed face. He looked handsome as ever, straight hairs on his forehead, facial hair adorned with mustard or marinara, I couldn't remember anymore.

"Miss you babe." I whispered, turning to face the kitchen as loud banging could be heard from the back. A couple dishes could be seen flying up through the order window.

"Holy anchovies, what did I do now!" I heard Linda exclaim from the other side, Niall and I looking at each other and snickering. Linda was the owner of Rizzo's, inherited from and named after her grandfather, Rizzo Manger.

"You alright back there Linds?" I called out as I approached the breakfast bar.

"Is that my Benny girl! Did you bring the leprechaun with you? Clearly I need some luck on my side." She said, her face finally popping up in the order window. Her voice always sounded like she had smoked one pack too many, though she never had a day in her life.

"You know, most Irish people would have sued you for discrimination or something of the sort for that kind of name calling!" Niall teased, Linda shrugging.

"Thankfully you love my subs way too much to even think about that, right?" She chuckled, making Niall roll his eyes as we took our usual seats at the breakfast bar. My eyes looked down at the carving of our initials, 

"L + B + N = 2KFS"

I traced over it with my fingers laughing a bit. Niall looked over, leaning in close to me, "Too cool for school-we were such idiots." He laughed a bit, his finger moving to trace over the end my finger wasn't until they met in the middle. His face so close to mine, I could smell his aftershave even stronger than before.

"New shampoo?" He said, moving back to his seat, looking over the menu as if he didn't already know what he was going to order.

"Huh?" I said, leaning on my hand and raising an eyebrow.

"Your hair smells different today." He muttered, glancing over slightly. Before I could answer, Linda walked over to us, order pad in hand.

"What can I get you two?" She says, already writing our order down without us even answering.

"Steak, rare, with lots of carrots on the side," I tease, Niall joining in shortly after.

"I'll take a burger, just the lettuce and tomato please."

"You both think you're great comedians don't you? One pastrami sam, one mari sub, and two large cokes coming right up." She winked before walking away.

"So, Mitch got a new girlfriend." Niall said, turning in his stool to face me completely.

"Oh, that's nice," I smiled a bit, moving my gaze back down to my phone. I clicked the home screen showing no missed notifications, Niall being the only person who ever sent me anything.

"He asked if we wanted to meet up with them, Chase and Pauli. Get some beers and play pool tonight," I turned to face him, his baby blues filled with so much hope.

"Mmm, I have to organize my pantry. Tomorrow is grocery day, so I have to make sure of what I need and that there is room for new things." I said, pushing hair behind my ear.

"Ben...your pantry?" He said, his face filled with disbelief at my excuse.

"Niall, just...no, okay? You go. Don't push your friends away for me. Go hang out with them, come back and tell me all about Mitch's girl." I smiled, trying to reassure him as much as I possibly could.

"They are your friends too, you know?" He said gently, knowing it was a touchy subject for me.

"Niall. Please." I swallowed, looking back down at my phone, unlocking it and aimlessly scrolling on social media.

"I'm just saying Ben, it's been six months. They gave you the space you obviously needed, but...you need friends Bentley. And they miss you."

"I have friends. I have you. And Linda. And Pug. Pug is the best listener too." I said, pulling out a photo of my corgi making Niall have to attempt to hold back his smile.

"You are...," shaking his head while rolling his eyes, he reached over, pulling me tightly against him. He pressed his lips into the top of my head, making me relax into him.

I couldn't begin to explain how grateful I was for Niall. The way he had stepped up these past six months for me, was everything. We were bonded in this traumatic experience and no matter how hard I tried, he never allowed me to push him away.

During that first week, he wouldn't leave me alone. He was over everyday, even if I didn't want him here. Using the spare key Louis gave him, he would march in, make sure I was fed, bathed and resting. If I asked to be alone, he would leave me in my bedroom while he remained in the living room. He kept my home tidy, stocking it with everything I may need.

Eventually I joined him in the living room. Eventually we talked about Louis. Eventually he made me laugh again. It was like he was finding ways to streamline my pain into other things, reminding me that I had to continue to live.

Because it was what Louis would have wanted.

He couldn't make me hang out with our old friends, that was the only thing he failed at. It wasn't that I didn't miss them; it was simply that I didn't want to have to speak about Louis. I didn't want to rehash emotions with each one of them individually. I had that with Niall, that's all I needed and all I could handle. Maybe it was selfish of me, maybe it made me lack compassion; but it was all I could handle right now.

Linda brought us our food, each of us digging in, and I was grateful when Niall didn't bring it up again. Instead, we talked about Harry Potter. It was the first time he was watching the series, having just sat down with me through the first and second. I explained to him the differences between the book and the movie, small pouts when he wished that they would have kept certain things in. We argued about him being a Gryffindor, me emphasizing that he was too much of a Golden Retriever to be a Gryffindor. He glared at me, throwing chips at me making me cackle.

"You are clearly a Hufflepuff and that's okay. Personally I think they are the underrated house at Hogwarts." I shrugged, dusting away the chip crumbs.

"So you think I'm underrated? That my amazingness isn't valued at its true potential?" He wiggled his eyebrows, making me reach over and shove him.

"Niall James, be quiet." I laughed, his hand catching my arm and pulling me just a bit closer to him.

"Facts are facts, Bentley Rose and I know you only speak truths." He titled his head slightly, his smile big, then soft as he took in my face.

I wasn't an idiot. I was aware of the certain heat that rose between the two of us at times. The sparks that searched for enough friction to try and burst into flames. I was also aware it was all bonded through trauma. Which wasn't healthy. Which wasn't what I wanted nor needed.

Above all, I couldn't handle loving after Louis, another reason I pushed everyone out.

I cleared my throat pulling back, "We should go so you're not late. You're going tonight and I don't want any excuses!" I said pointing my finger at him, making him laugh.

"I wouldn't dream of it," he rolled his eyes. We finished, paying the check and walking outside to the warm summer air, my eyes closing at the pleasant feel of it.

"So you are absolutely sure?" He asked, grabbing my waist gently, pulling me slightly towards him.

"I just don't want to deal with all the, 'How are you really doing?' and hearing how much people miss Louis. I know it's selfish...I just..."

"I get it, Ben, you're fine," he pulled me closer, our hips pressing together, "You have your mace? Taser?"

"Check and check, location is on, and I will text you when I get home," I smiled, my hand pushing back his thick mousy brown hair.

"Okay, you know I care for ya?"

"I know, I care for you too," I smiled, kissing his cheek, before pushing away from him softly, "Have fun, be safe...get laid?" I giggled, shrugging my shoulders as I backed away, turning around and heading home.

Walking down the familiar path, I reached into my purse, pulling out my keys and placing one between my fingers. I hated that my mind was always set to the defense, but after Louis being murdered the way he was, I wasn't taking my chances. I never wore headphones, I paid attention to the footsteps that surrounded my own, their pace, their distance.

And that's why I was in therapy.

I moved down the street, like clockwork, my heart started beating faster as I approached the block before the expensive store on the corner. I stopped, normally turning right on Baker St. and taking the long way around to get home. It was so unnecessary, but I couldn't get past the idea of picturing how it happened. It had been described to me from so many different angles during the investigation, I couldn't help but feel like I would enter a movie scene I couldn't escape if I walked past the store.

And that's why I was in therapy.

I chewed on my lower lip, looking down the street, my feet moving forward before I realized what I had just decided. Before I realized that for some reason, I felt brave tonight, moving closer and closer to the shop. I stopped at the window, the shop name etched into the glass in a beautiful gold.

"Posh Finery"

Taking a deep breath, I moved inside quickly, heading to the little cafe in the corner. I pinched my lip as I looked over the pastries for sale. They had some prepackaged and ready to go, while others were meant to be picked out from behind the glass display. I spotted the last chocolate croissant, pairing it with an iced matcha seemed like the perfect way to end my night. I moved to reach for the chocolate croissant, a tattooed hand reaching at the same time. I jumped back slightly, bringing my hand quickly to my chest.

"Sorry, sorry. You can have it," I pressed my lips tight into a smile.

"No drama, kid. Take it," I heard the tattooed hand say before my eyes traveled up to take in the rest of him. I felt my eyes widen, not in shock from his appearance, olive skin, long hair, piercing green eyes that sat under furrowed brows; but by his use of a phrase I had only ever heard come from Louis' mouth.

"Excuse me? What did you say?" I stood straight, taking in his eyes as he raised a small eyebrow and chuckled a bit.

"It's means no worr-..."

"...-no I know what it means, I've just...sorry. I um, I only ever head one person use that phrase and it caught me off guard," I exhaled, my cheeks burning as I quickly grabbed a bear claw, "You can have the croissant. These are just as good anyways." I smiled, walking past him to the cashier.

"Thanks," he called out, and I turned over my shoulder nodding a bit. I ordered my matcha, handing them the bear claw to be heated up. After paying I walked over and sat at a table, waiting for my drink, watching the man pay for the croissant. He glanced over at me, holding it up and giving me a small nod before making his way out the door.

As he moved past, I couldn't help but envision Louis walking out in the same manner. Fresh cranberries in hand, making the quick turn before heading up to our home. I swallowed, shaking the thought from my head. 

It never happened. He never even made it in the store.

[karume-everything-else]

Flufftober 2023

Day 1: Waking up to broken wall of blankets [Reader x Qrow Branwen] {RWBY}

A pounding head was nothing new to Qrow, especially since he woke up to frequent hangovers. But having something warm and soft nestled in his arms was more than a little startling. Instead of freaking out however, Qrow just tried remembering what happened last night. This could be some poor chic he picked up while on mission after all.

She, or rather they, wouldn't know what's going on or why their companion was freaking out, right?

Before he could get his mind fully up and running, you woke up and violently shoved away. Knocking yourself clean off the bed and just about dragging Qrow with you. Though part of that was his fault for attempting to cling.

Peeking over the edge of the bed, "You okay there [Name]? I can't smell that bad..."

"We had a fail-safe for this bird brain!"

You were a little salty and aggressive due to being completely rejected by Qrow multiple times, though Ozpin seemed determined to keep the two of you together. It was becoming quite the cruel irony that Qrow of all people was trying to be lighthearted about the situation. Even if you were secretly thrilled to be tucked in his arms like that.

"Oh yeah, that massive wall of blankets you insisted on having." He scratched his chin, "Y'know, since it didn't work..."

"Don't, please." Qrow's eyes followed you around, confused as sin, "Don't get my hopes up like that. You know how I feel about you. And I know how you feel about me. So just don't try to 'fix' it like this. I'll only get hurt that way."

"Sorry." He muttered as you gathered your gear, "I just... I didn't... I wasn't thinking."

"Clearly."

Looking at the blanket fort around himself, Qrow realized he had broken through the wall. He had been the one seeking comfort and human warmth. He was the one wanting you closer. Not the other way around. He couldn't ignore it anymore, but he knew that saying so would hurt you.

He didn't want you getting hurt too. Not like this anyways.

.

"So you just didn't tell them?" Glenda frowned, "You do know Oz is trying to help you after what happened, right?"

Qrow didn't answer, growling softly from behind his flask. He didn't want help, he was a wreck. This wasn't something anyone could fix or make him any less of a failure than he is.

"You can't just ignore this forever. They genuinely-"

"They'll move on." Qrow snapped, "It's not like I wanted it to go that way! But I don't need them around alright."

The way Glenda's eyes flashed over Qrow's shoulder told him exactly what he didn't want to know. You had walked in, and only heard the last thing he just said. This was going to be a pain to deal with... especially on the next mission in a couple days.

.

Would Qrow ever get tired of waking up with a splitting, hangover headache? He knew he should, but for a few hours he could forget... everything.

Well, almost everything. The warm figure in his arms made him painfully aware of how lonely he truly felt.

How easy it would be to let you in his life permanently.

This time, you only groaned as you sat up. It was getting old, you would just have to tell Oz you couldn't work with Qrow like this anymore. No matter how well you two worked together in the field, your heart couldn't take this much longer.

"[Name], I'm sorry." You barely turned, apologies from Qrow weren't normal but you weren't in a good mood, "I keep drunkenly breaking through your blanket walls. It's just me being an a$$hole, ignoring my own feelings, and hurting you in the process."

You paused with the straps of your weapon holster, "Who are you and what have you done with Qrow Branwen?"

"It was what I was talking about with Glenda a few days ago." Qrow couldn't face you, instead just getting dressed, "I know you haven't said anything about what you heard, but I didn't... I wasn't trying to say it as bad as it sounded. It was more frustration at Oz. Assigning us like this all the time."

Going back to your gear, "You won't have to worry about that too much longer. I'm going to ask Oz to stop."

"That's not what I meant!"

"But you don't need anyone, right?"

Qrow slumped forward, "Maybe it's not about need, but I clearly want you around. I keep breaking through your blanket walls to cuddle you after all. So..."

"You never asked anyone out before, have you?" You couldn't help but smirk over this, "Or maybe you're just smoother when you're drunk."

He couldn't do more than stutter, this situation wasn't ideal but at least you didn't seem mad at him anymore. Though this would take some getting used to, that was certain.

[plumsaffron]

Cherry Crimson Brine Final (2-3)

Immortally Wounded

And

Improbable For Healing

return to the previous part of the finale

To Each Part Of The Story Link Here

Otherwise continue (one more part after this section)

4 Days Later NPC Cop: She got kicked out again or this time, 

thrown out the clothing store window. Earlier, people were preventing her from eating. Officer Roger: Yep I guess they want her to starve. NPC Cop: Why don't we simply send her to solitary confinement? Then she can stay there forever for her crimes. Roger: It's not that simple, son. I suggested that but you know what happened? My daughter told me they will threaten her. 

She said 2 days ago that, if any member of our force,

who puts Lila Rossi behind bars, 

will deem to use Sabrina as their toy of unrelenting torment that they planned for Lila. Officer Roger: Didn't you get a notification from the Mayor of why we can't arrest her? NPC Cop: Nope. Phone buzzing

Notification from Mayor Bustier

After Reading NPC Cop: What's wrong with these citizens. They don't want her to be away from their sight but want her to suffer but keep her alive? And they are threatening Mayor Bustier's family unless we conform to their standards and anyone else that thinks differently will pay? Officer Roger: Yes. We can't do anything about it. 

And the news is soliciting this propaganda 

and making it worse than it actually is.

NPC Cop: But isn't the evidence we know true? Officer Roger: Who knows. However, there's some problems with it. 

don't know what to believe either. 

And clues to know more information have been lost unfortunately. NPC Cop: Is she really a kid? Officer Roger: What kind of question is that? I do think she is. NPC Cop: But it's said she lies about everything and tricked 3 woman that are no longer here. Officer Roger: You don't know enough information. None of us know about what her and parents relationship is like. 

Don't go there thinking like these Parisians out there. 

Don't jump off a cliff thinking there's a net. There's a chance that this is a hoax. Still... NPC Cop: Still what?

Officer Roger: We can only do what we can.

Not let these furious Parisians go too far with her.

(At least since Sabrina told me how dangerous people are becoming, the heroes are monitoring the city. 

Trying to prevent her from being harmed. And I'll do my part).

NPC Cop: I still am perplexed. Why are they treating her worse than Chloe? I mean Chloe Bourgeois deserved it from showing off. But this Lila girl just came out from the hospital when she was previously a pitter pounded pattered pulp. They are treating her far worse than Hawk Moth 

or anymore that does worse. 

This is leaving me rather vexed.

Roger: Maybe it's not to understand 

(Maybe that's who they are).

It could be they are scapegoating her over something that they hate of the past or because the evil entity.

Hawk Moth or Chloe aren't present, and she's the winning ticket.

You could never tell why or what's the point.

(Maybe it's selective). NPC Cop: I guess people do really like deciding what's the greatest deal, even if it's just small snow from a tree that hit their heads.

Hours Later Starving Lila idling Walking npcs a side walk away They rub their heads with their heads with smiles on their faces Others put wigs on and then use scissors to cut pieces off They laugh at her and the state of her hair stating they are pleased and laughing at what Firefighter Jean Theo and a girl took joy in doing to her the other day 5 minutes later Alya: It’s Lila Nora: Let’s go the other way. Alya: Why? Nora: She’s a horrible person Alya: Not you too. Alya proceeds to walk towards Lila Nora: No. Alya: What do you think you’re doing. Nora: Mom and dad told me to keep you and the twins away from her. Alya: Step off. Angry at her older sister as she takes her away Nora: It’s for your own good. Alya: Mine or your own good. Nora: I don’t have time for this Carries Alya away like Shrek did with Fiona The Final Night The door breaks open She awakes nervous as she knows something is in her residence minute later NPC: so that’s where you been hiding. NPC 2: It’s the end of your bridge. 

You see the world would be better off without you. 

Unlike the rest of the good people of Paris, 

we don’t want to keep you caged and abused. NPC: We want you dead. Lila: You don’t have to do this to me. NPC 3: Way past that after the endless pool of lies. Infinite will end once you’re flatlined by our hands. Lila: Why do you believe this? 

What makes you hate me this much? Why?! I’m sick of this crap! I’m tired of this town trapping me and tormenting me! I’ve Had Enough Of This! Stop This! NPC: You don’t have the right to decide after the crimes you did to Adrien Agreste. NPC 2: You overgrown female. Lila: I am not. NPC 4: Like I’d believe you.

Don’t even know what your deal is. 

This is the night your misery finishes, you disgusting human lying filth. Lila: Don’t do this. NPC 3 laughing NPC 3: Ignorant Womanchild Nothing you say that will stop your immeninent immediate death.

NPC 4: Many want you to stay alive as free punching bag but me and others want to take a fresh kill. I don’t mind fulfilling what their death wish to you.

I’ll be standing proud doing the deed. NPC 2: Honestly we’ve been requested to do far worse forms of torture to you. You should know where I’m going with that. Petrified Lila NPC 3: They also wanted us to relay back of the things we promised to them that they would celebrate and call an epic quest for us legends. NPC: What a shame for a pretty face to be in a casket. 

Well you would be burned to ashes anyways or dumped into the ocean. Accept your fate, repulsive life-form. This Is Where You DIE!

Lila closes her eyes NPC: Are you praying? NPC 2: It doesn't matter. No one will save the entity. NPC 4: It's a miraculous end to the nothing’s tale

NPC 3: It's time to meet your maker. Oh wait you probably killed those and so many lives you probably replaced. Slowly opens her eyes with a smile on her face NPC 4: Smiling? This grotesques existence must have lost their mind. Lila: I haven't. I've accepted my end. NPC 3: You're lying! Lila: Four against one. Maybe you are. 

I realized that I won't be seeing anymore anyone or myself.

Me being a sacrifice for the peace and justice amongst all mankind.

I'm willing to accept my fate and the evidence against me. Lila: So make it quick. NPC: Are you mocking me?! Lila: Nope. I deserve death and torture. 

It's the path I've chosen.

Please. Finish me off. 

There's no reason for me to stay alive anymore.

If none of you don't I'll just. NPC 2: Is she?

NPC 3: BUHRREK They look towards the damage sound that NPC made NPC 2: Gguh khuh Lila kicks NPC 1 in the neck NPC 4: YOU! Tries to grab her Lila throws covers at the NPC proceeds relentless punches and jabs towards the NPC NPC 1 Tries to kick her She throws a hard object at that NPC Takes hard objects and beats the crap out of them all

After several minutes of beating the tar out of them Lila: Tell me. With a smile Lila: How about I wipe away your lifespans? You 4 can't do anything anymore. Kicks one of them Lila: How about I crush your neck with my boots? Do you want that? Lila: LOOK AT ME! Oh You Want To Look Away Now Because I Am Now Your Decision Maker?! You don't know who you are messing with. I hope you know a fragment of the crap I've been going through these days. 

I should exterminate you all for my greater good. Stops smiling stares emotionlessly When you're finished recovering, you can let yourselves out. Playtime is over for you vermin. You and all of your associates; never show your faces around my sight here again. Lila goes outside leaving them their walking to a stop Lila: It seems my body sustained too much previous damage from the previous days Seems I made it to the end of myself. Well I- falls Seeing the water (At least I ended things on my terms) As seeing her vision fading inside the water

(The last amount of control I had left...)

Click here to get the last part of this Brine Story

[chronal-anomaly]

alright.

I'm pinning down these thoughts long enough to actually post a headcanon about this. PLEASE ask questions if it doesn't make sense because I am not, in fact, an astrophysicist ( but also let me have my fun ).

I referenced in this headcanon that time exists as a hallway of sorts, as the space between timelines. It appears as an empty void of space and stars, and Lena cannot see into the "doorways" as she exists in the hallways. I'll break down a little bit more into her 'experiences' in these hallways as another hc because that would be much too much to deal with in one post.

So while Lena was 'lost', she existed in two states ( For this headcanon at least ). One was 'in timeline' and the other was 'floating'.

'In timeline' references time that she's connected to a certain timeline. She's opened the door ( or it's been opened for her ) and Lena watches this timeline flow on. There's a few different states here, too, but again, I'll elaborate later. In this "mode", she observes time go on naturally around her. Minutes are 60 seconds, hours are 60 minutes, etc. Everything ticks by as we would experience in this timeline. Sometimes she's able to interact with the people in this timeline, sometimes she's separated by a 'veil' of sorts so she can only observe. Again, that's for another hc.

'Floating' refers to the time spent, well, floating between the different timelines, in time/the hallway itself. There was a huge amount of time spent just floating there as she fought off the insanity that was cosmic isolation - there was no way of measuring her time Floating, as it ticked by different than anything else. Lena could spent minutes here, and they'd be considered days back in Overwatch's time. Similarly, years could tick by in Overwatch's time, and it would only feel like a few minutes. For those familiar with Interstellar, it's a very similar concept of the "Every 7 minutes here is a year on Earth".

There was no way to return to Lena consistently back to Overwatch's time. Her existence would always return to that hallway, to that void, to time. There was no plucking her out, dusting her off, and returning her back to when she was. So Winston built the Chronal Isolation Chamber ( pictured below ), a chamber designed at the same plane as time, as the void. Instead of bringing Lena back to their timeline, he threw a floatation ring to her for her to at least tread water while he devised the accelerator.

The Chronal Accelerator is the same mentality. It bridges the gap between time and Overwatch's timeline in a more mobile format. It's not as strong as the Isolation Chamber, so if there's damage or extreme stress, Lena will be taken back to the chamber and kept there until they can solve the problem ( if she's still in the OW timeline ).

Lena Oxton does not exist in this timeline any longer.

Her permanent state of being exists in the void, in time. She will be there forever. The accelerator allows her to interact and be in this timeline, but she never stay here permanent without the accelerator ( it's another reason she's so protective over it ). If it is damaged, she is launched into a sickening tilt-a-whirl of existence between, in the most violent way imaginable. If someone damages it to that point, she is unlikely to ever forgive them (see: Doomfist) because the act of rubberbanding between timelines is so dramatic. Time reclaims her, and Winston starts over again. Lena will hold onto that grudge forever.

As far as the Accelerator works, there's a computer chip surgically implanted in her central sulcus of her brain, where movement planning occurs. This allows her to control her presence in the timeline. When Lena Blinks, she essentially pulls herself into the hallway, sprints through it, and reopens that portal 10 feet away. More than 3-4 seconds in time, however, and she risks potential physical and mental side effects, so she can't cross, like, a football field this way. The recall works similarly, Lena sliding into the time where the influence of the timeline does not exist, curing her of any damage/debuffs, and sending her on the way again.

This factor is another reason Lena won't age. There's no progress in time, not like there is in the timeline. So as she exists, separate, she watches as her friends and family slowly ages, knowing that she'll still be around when they're gone. She also doesn't celebrate her birthday anymore, because can you really celebrate your birthday if you weren't on Earth's timeline for a whole year?

Anyway, I'm sure this doesn't make sense but I've also had 7 years with this stupid space lesbian ping ponging in my skull, so I gotta put it somewhere.

[ruthiesrambles2]

Well come on then...

002 for MelRuth (looking forward to the essay that will come out of this)

Hello anon I love you for this and I love this for me, thanks for enabling me 😘😘

When I started shipping them: after watching season 3 I came to AO3 in search of more Brakenight and was shocked to discover MelRuth was a thing. So I rewatched from s1 again. Excuse to wear your furs caught my eye but See You Around caught my soul and it has been a slow descent into madness ever since. So... April maybe? Feels like a lifetime haha

My thoughts: No thoughts only MelRuth! Ha. I really flip flop on the nature of them. I absolutely adore the idea of Ruth pining after Melanie the whole time, maybe they've had flings but nothing serious, they're friends until Ruth learns the truth and her heart breaks. But I also concurrently headcanon that they did have a relationship, some time between the bees and the start of S1. They broke up but obviously there's still feelings there. And after seven years on the train they've learned how to work together even despite those feelings. The See You Around scene is everything tbh. Melanie realising love is important after all, but Ruth is just too hurt. So hurt in fact that she had been willing to let her die at one point! But she does try to delay it, asking for a trial, and I believe she had a hand in Melanie's escape with Javi and Jinju. By the time Melanie goes to Breslauer, Ruth is having a big internal conflict because she's still SO angry but also Melanie might go away forever. When she agrees to look after Alex, she's cursing herself for not being able to forgive sooner. Saying yes is saying I love you. And the longer she is away, the more Ruth realises she still loves and needs her, after all she always has "melanie on her mind" and she can "feel her out there". But then Melanie is gone, and probably dead, and the train and its people need her. And she needs someone to make her happy (enter Mr Pike). Melanie coming back is a massive emotional shock, and the two struggle to reconcile. But the love and care is still there ("I'm not going to let you go alone am I"). Until Melanie suggests working with Wilford. And after everything... Ruth can't deal with that. At the end of the war, she wants to stay, oh god she wants to stay. But she promised to look after Alex, once, and she intends to fulfil that promise. I love you too much to stay... Okay this descended into headcanon a bit but I am feral for them and the tiny glances between them and idc what you say Melruth is real if I believe hard enough 😂

What makes me happy about them: THE PINING, the little touches, the glances, the Wilford Pin, the fact I would let either of them freeze off all my limbs.

What makes me sad about them: Ben. They never said a proper goodbye (or welcome back from the dead). THE PINING. The fact season 4 is going to kill me.

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: when Ruth is in the engine/bunk room before the Milford reveal with no explanation! Caveat that I am currently writing a few things like this because it was easier and yes I'm annoyed at myself for it!

Things I look for in fanfic: at this point just them being in the same room together. Just any and all content of them together and being vaguely nice to each other. But above all I'm here for the E rated fics 👀

My wishlist: I don't know if this is for fic or for canon. For canon I just want them to acknowledge that there was something there once even if there's not now. And a good hug would be nice🥺. For fic I NEED a 100k word romance, yesterday. But I'll also take anything elaborating on their history together, small fluffy fics, smut (always), all the angst. I need an AU where Mel went to the B&B, an AU where Ben doesn't exist... All of it please.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: after a significant amount of reflection I would have to say Mel with Ben 😭. The set up is there and she does love him and they can be sweet together. Ruth is easier though. Ruth/Boki! I've said before I just want her to learn to love herself, but if she had to end up with someone I'm committed to Ruboki now. Or The Notary as an acceptable alternative. As long as whoever it is makes her happy. Happy Ruth is EVERYTHING.

My happily ever after for them: this post sums it up. Or you know, in twenty years time they are old and grey in a cabin in the newly terraformed warm spot and Melanie is digging in the garden and Ruth comes and puts her arms around her because she's about to go to a council meeting where Alex is the president of the new world, or something.

[obislittleone]

Hiii! How are you?? I really hope your day is/has been going great!! Don’t forget to stay hydrated and to eat well! If you don’t mind me asking, which Love language do you think the Star Wars characters Preferably anakin, Obi, Din and maybe kylo (?) have?

PLEASE IGNORE THIS IF ANYONE HAS ALREADY ASKED YOU THIS JSJDJD

Love you!!!

Hi there, lovely!!! I don't mind at all, I'm just sitting in a waiting room and need distractions.

Anakin: words of affirmation 100 percent that boy needs to be praised and told he's doing a good job because otherwise he can't handle the stress of everything he deals with and at his age he shouldn't have to deal with anything at all.... yeah he just needs reaffirming and comforting words spoken to him

Din: acts of service, because we all know he doesn't talk much and with all the armor he wears constantly, physical contact is kinda of limited, also I feel like he would be nervous to have someone touching him sometimes like he's not used to it and eveb tho all the ff writers on here want me to believe he craves the contact, if you've gone that long without it, or lacked having it to begin with, you probably wouldn't want it consistently. I believe doing small things for this man that might be unnoticeable to others would mean a great deal to him, like making sure you offered to fly the ship at night so he hat least had a choice of going for some rest, or putting the baby down to sleep so that if he was busy he didn't have rk interrupt shat he was doing. Anything that could help him out or make him feel like a the load was a little lighter, this man would appreciate forever let's be honest.

Kylo: tbh he's such a whiny emotional shit I'm sorry but this boy probably claims all the love languages and forces everyone to use all of them all the time-

Obi: oh boy... sit back ladies i have some 'splainin to do. He has two: physical touch, and quality time. Physical touch is a BIG deal for this man, primarily because he, the strong and obedient Jedi that he is, is touch starved. We all know that since his relationship with Satine, the dude was pretty much celibate, with raising Anakin the rest of the way and then devoting his life to training him and most likely having him by his side the majority of that time, and then during the clone wars where Anakin was finally no longer his responsibility, but the guy still never caught a break and was being worked like a donkey, hopping from mission to mission and never complaining. He would go long amounts of time between even friendly gestures of pats on the back, or grabs of his shoulder. Even handshakes we're going out of style, especially since everyone now knew the Jedi's preferred greeting was to bow. He lacked touch so often, and he knew he couldn't ever say anything about it, or try and find someone who could consistently fix that problem, because then the council would hop on his ass and start a fire. He NEEDS to be held at night and told how much he's loved, probably while someone plays with his hair and rubs his shoulders. That brings me to my next belief of this man's partial love language, which is quality time. This one won't be too hard to explain, I mean the guy never even gets time to himself, much less time with someone he loves, so like... he would treasure any few minutes he got to spend with with loved one. He would stay uo late if he had to just to hold a conversation about the day and make sure he spent that time and thay he coukd enjoy himself for a few moments outside all of the crazy parts of the war.

This got way longer than i intended it to be and for that i am not sorry

[elysianslove]

Please wrote more surrogate fics please . could I request one with SakuAtsu or could you just start a series on these. If you'd me comfortable with that. That on IwaOi surrogate fic brought me so much joy. I can't even describe it.

oh my goodness i’d love to!!! it makes me so happy knowing you liked it cause like,,, idk why it’s just special to me :) also im so glad you asked for sakuatsu bc these two ships are basically my favorite jhfgbsj. and yesyes i’d love to have a mini series with like little scenarios of each ship <333

this was insanely long. like insanely. 

content warning; artificial insemination, pregnancy, haikyuu manga spoilers, gay people being happy idk 

being iwaoi’s surrogate 

BEING SAKUATSU’S SURROGATE 

↬ it took forever to even get them together, so with a duo as indecisive as them, it’s imaginable how long the decision to raise a child together took. it took a long, long while for that transition from enemies to lovers to be final, and even then, they hadn’t realized how serious their relationship was until they were off getting married and then suddenly wanting a child? 

↬ it was something atsumu brought up out of the blue, just casually as they sat side by side on the couch. “wouldn’t it be nice if we raised a child together?” and it stuck with sakusa ever since. he didn’t know why he was obsessively thinking about it as much, but it’s all he could think about. literally. anytime he so much as thought about atsumu with a child, and a child of their own too, his stomach did a thousand and one flips. sakusa was never the biggest fan of children, and he knew that neither was atsumu. but, this would be different, wouldn’t it? Still, he tried to remind himself of the cons; they were pro-athletes, they didn’t have time, they didn’t understand the weight of the responsibility, were they even ready for something like that? somedays it was too tiring to take care of themselves, of each other. were they ready to be responsible for a whole life, someone dependent entirely on them? it seemed too— unrealistic. like something he could only hope to dream about, and just dream about.

↬ until he thought of atsumu with a little kid, a spit image of either one of them, sitting on his lap, giggling and laughing and squealing in glee. and so he decided, there will always be cons, he just has to see if the pros outweighed them. and honestly, they did. they were pro-athletes, sure, but that also meant they were financially stable, and could provide for a child, properly. they were mature now, knew each other very well, and had adapted to living with one another. they had family and friends all around. the kid would for sure grow up loved and cared for, and him and atsumu would add another person to their family. it really seemed like a dream, but this time, an attainable one.

↬ so as he ate dinner with his lover, he blurted out, “let’s raise a child together,” and atsumu honest to god choked on his food. he asked sakusa if he was serious, if he meant it, if this was real, and sakusa’s answer was yes to every single one of his question. yes, he was serious; yes, he meant it; yes, this was real. as real as can be.

↬ they both already knew they wanted a surrogate, and it didn’t matter who was the father. so long as the child was theirs.

↬ finding a surrogate was, well, a pain, to put it into perspective. sakusa was so picky about the “requirements,” if you will, and atsumu was suspicious of every single woman, it was kind of ridiculous really. he just “didn’t trust that they wouldn’t run away with the baby!” in his words. atsumu suggested sakusa’s older sister, which seemed perfect in his head, but sakusa refused, claiming it was 1. extremely weird, and 2. he doubted she’d say yes, with her own life to handle.

↬ and it finally, finally, came to atsumu: he could always just ask, well, you. he had met you during his college years, and since then, he’d been coincidentally crossing paths with you ever since then, and you’d even managed their msby jackals team at some point. it was weirdly ironic how he’s coming back to you, kind of like fate.

↬ so he suggested it to sakusa, and for once, the latter didn’t really have any way to object, except, “what if this inconveniences her?” other than that, you were the perfect candidate. they knew you well, trusted you, knew they could rely on you. and atsumu was sure you wouldn’t run with the baby. with regards to the inconvenience part, well, they could always just deal with that when the time came.

↬ they invited you over for some breakfast two days later, after they’d thought about it properly, endlessly, and figured you were their best option. it was weird seeing them so nervous when you first arrived, like they were breaking up with you or something. atsumu barely ate with how nauseous he felt, and sakusa spent the entire time watching you eat instead, hands fidgeting and legs shaking. it was really weird, but you didn’t bring it up, letting them take their own time to tell you whatever it was they wanted to tell you, because obviously, they clearly had something to say.

↬ after breakfast, you sat in their living room, just watching the tv quietly, until sakusa offered to get you some water. you weren’t really thirsty, but you agreed anyways, unsurprised to see atsumu rise from his own seat a minute later with a, “be right back,” as he headed to the kitchen. you could hear them bickering and whisper-yelling, and if you weren’t starting to grow as nervous as they were, you would’ve had it in you to laugh. they returned looking like they were bearing the most daunting of news, sitting down on the couch perpendicular to you. atsumu’s hands were sweaty and intertwined tightly together, while sakusa tried to remain as composed as possible. it seemed like the dark haired man would speak up, finally, parting his mouth with a deep breath.

↬ but it’s atsumu that blurts out, “please have my baby!— our baby. please have our baby.”

↬ honestly, your first response was to laugh, in disbelief, as you clutch your glass of water. but then you see their faces — god they looked so goddamn scared — and you realized that, they were really serious. they really wanted you to carry their baby for them. holy shit?—

↬ you were mostly speechless after that, stuttering as you ask them to please explain, you’re honored but are they are, have they thought about this? properly? in depth?

↬ to your surprise, they really knew what they were doing. they’d done their research, and thought about a million other options before deciding that you were the best one. they also repeatedly told you that you didn’t have to do this, and that they didn’t want to guilt-trip you into doing it either. they wanted you to say yes only if you yourself wanted to say yes, and if this wouldn’t negatively affect you or halt your life in any way. you were the one that was going to be carrying the baby anyways, weren’t you? at the end of the day, this was all about you.

↬ you asked them for time to think about it, and reminded them that it wasn’t a no. you just wanted to make sure you were making the right decision whichever that ended up being. a few days later, you call them, asking them to meet up one way or another, and atsumu’s even more nervous than he was asking you; not even sakusa’s gentle lips to his temple or large hands soothingly rubbing at his back or his kind words could help him. sakusa himself was insanely anxious. in his head, it seemed like your ‘no,’ would finalize everything. that it would really mean no hope in having a child of their own, their very own.

↬ you invite them over to your home, and the kettle is already boiling when they arrive. you make them tea and make small talk if only to delay the inevitable. but, to each of their surprises, you take a deep breath and say, “i’d be honored to carry your baby for you,” with the brightest, warmest smile. sakusa has to bite his inner cheek to will himself to not cry, because he can’t believe you said yes. you agreed. you’re going to carry their baby. him and atsumu were having a baby.

↬ atsumu doesn’t stop himself from throwing his arms around you, collapsing on top of you in tight hug that you kind of can’t breathe, but you let him, and you laugh when he thanks you for saying yes, that he’ll “be forever in your debt.”

↬ it’s the happiest you’ve seen either of them.

↬ when you’re done with the process of insemination (of course, atsumu does joke that the three of you should go the natural way and have a threesome, to which he earns a smack from his lover and a smack from you, at the same time), the three of you just have to wait, really. it’s the longest period of waiting you’ve ever had to do, but you try to be patient, as patient as you can be. when you wake up one morning and throw up, you look at your period tracking app to see if maybe you were pms’ing. except, you weren’t. you were late. like a good three weeks late.

↬ immediately, you’re booking a doctor’s appointment. you wait to tell sakusa and atsumu after confirming your suspicions, because you don’t want to raise their hopes up for nothing. they’ve already been swimming in a pool of doubts ever since the insemination, calling you everyday to check up on you and ask for any progress. when the doctor confirms your pregnancy — holy shit you were pregnant — the first thing you do is go over to their house. you know it’s not the best idea to show up unannounced, but with how long they’ve been waiting, and how much they’ve been wanting this, the more and more you fed into it, you couldn’t wait any longer to tell them. you arrive, and the moment sakusa opens the door for you, you gasp out, “i’m pregnant.”

↬ sakusa’s quite literally frozen in shock, his mouth pressed in a thin line with eyes wide open, while atsumu walks over and goes, “oh hey,” in greeting before noticing sakusa’s face and just ???? “what’s going on?”

↬ “i’m pregnant.”

↬ “you’re what?”

↬ you show them with tears stinging your eyes the results of the test you’d taken at the doctor’s, and atsumu grips the report so tightly, like it’ll disappear if it slips only slightly from his hands. sakusa’s still in shock, trying to process everything. it takes him a good while before he can function properly again.

↬ the pregnancy itself is a lot smoother than you’d imagined. iwaizumi, as their athletic trainer, although not well versed with pregnancy, knew a lot about health and taking care of yourself in general, so he made sure you were always eating right and healthy. he even accompanied you once when sakusa and atsumu couldn’t, to the doctor, and made sure to ask him specifically what you should and shouldn’t be eating. all of the olympic/national team are more excited than anything. they’re insanely protective over you, and always pamper and care for you you when they can, whether that be back/neck/shoulder massages or giving you their food when they notice you eyeing it or letting you lean entirely on any of them for support as you walk. granted, they do make fun of you, especially the bigger your stomach got, but they mean well, really. suna once made fun of you and, because of the hormones, and because he was genuinely just mean, you started to cry. since then, suna swore off bullying you, at least until you gave birth.

↬ osamu is beyond ecstatic to become an uncle. he’s so excited it makes atsumu incredibly emotional. he goes with his brother on trips to ikea to buy a crib and gifts him an insane amount of baby clothes and always begins a conversation with, “how’s the baby?” every time you’re around, osamu’s hand can be found resting on your stomach, soothingly rubbing, excitedly grinning when he feels a kick. he is just so happy for his brother, he could cry.

↬ you ask them if they want a gender reveal when you find out or to keep it until the delivery of the baby, but they’re both insanely impatient (even though sakusa does try to convince atsumu to wait because it’ll be exciting, he himself isn’t even that convinced of that and they just ask you to tell them). with the help of osamu and his and atsumu’s parents, you organize a gender reveal party. the moment he sees the pink smoke, atsumu cheers so loudly it makes you laugh till your stomach hurt. sakusa’s grinning wider than you’ve ever seen him, grabbing atsumu’s face and kissing him, before pulling you into a tight hug. it’s literally the cutest thing ever, everyone just cheering loudly around you and celebrating with you.

↬ when you go into labor, you’re with neither of them, but with osamu, aran, and kita. they were staying the night at a hotel since they had training away from where they lived, and you were spending the night at osamu’s because the fathers of your baby really didn’t want you to be alone so close to your due date, and who better than osamu? your water didn’t break, but you kept having contractions. you were brushing it off as normal pain at the start, but they started to get worse, and closer together in time. kita, because he’s kita, had been keeping track, and told you how far apart your contractions were. to which you went, “contractions?!”

↬ aran’s calling sakusa and atsumu as kita grabs your bag as osamu grabs his keys and helps you to his car. you really couldn’t have been around a better set of men, because they were perfectly composed the whole time, helping you breathe and stay calm by staying calm themselves, reassuring you that you didn’t need to worry and that you will get to the hospital in time. they did flinch every time you screamed or cried out in pain, but aran held your hand the entire drive there, and kita guided you to steadying yourself as osamu drove as fast as he could.

↬ the issue was with sakusa and atsumu. to say they were freaking out would be an understatement. they were positively losing it. atsumu’s anxiety was louder than sakusa’s, but the latter’s was clear as ever on his pale skin and clammy hands. they were so annoying in the delivery room, literally faring worse off than you, who was pushing a whole baby out of her body. when you finally gave birth to a healthy baby girl, atsumu sobbed and sakusa cried in his hands, so maybe it was alright after all.

↬ they literally couldn’t believe their eyes when the nurse handed you the baby and placed her on your chest. she was so, so tiny, so beautiful, and theirs. honestly, you couldn’t hold back your own tears at the sight of her, and at their reaction to her. you held her in your arms as they thanked you, over and over and over again, for the biggest blessing they could ever receive.

↬ despite the fact that you were simply their surrogate, sakusa and atsumu knew they couldn’t just separate you and your baby, and neither could they just take her home all of a sudden. so for the first few months, you stayed in their guest room, but the baby slept in her own room. it was more difficult than you expected it to be when you were leaving her to go back to your own home, but they promised you repeatedly that they’re not really taking her away. it wasn’t as if you couldn’t visit at any time you wanted to come visit her. but at the end of the day, you knew what you had been signing up for, and that she was their daughter.

↬ she grows up to be a gorgeous woman. she’s interested in volleyball, sure, she’d been raised with volleyball players everywhere around her, but it’s not her immediate passion. atsumu thought he’d be more upset about that than he actually was, because he found out that it didn’t matter at all what she wanted to do. hell, if she wanted to do nothing at all and stay home forever with them, he was 100% on board with that. whatever made her happy and healthy, he was okay with. she grows up to be really close and really comfortable with both of her fathers, and they make sure with every passing day that no matter what, she can always come to them. and she does, about every little thing. and each and every time, they listen and advice and guide her properly. a s parents, they’re a perfect balance of strict and lenient. they set and raise her to never cross those boundaries, but otherwise they give her complete freedom. they respect her privacy, her decisions, everything.

↬ there was a day when she came back home from school, and they had taken a biology class for kids, where a teacher had explained periods to them. obviously, as curious as ever, she’d asked her dads about it, because she didn’t really get it. she wanted to know the how’s and the why’s and the what’s and the when’s. with every passing second atsumu had felt his lifespan shorten. eventually he suggested they call you, who she knew as her ‘aunt’ for the time being, since you were a woman and nobody would really explain it better than you. when she did get her period eventually, and had to sheepishly and shyly ask her dads to go to the store for her because she needed, um, supplies, atsumu lost it. sakusa had to try and calm him down all while laughing as he got ready to go to the store for her, because the drama of miya atsumu never gets old. he just couldn’t believe she was already getting her period. what the hell! what the actual hell!

↬ of course, he proceeded to embarrass her by telling osamu, telling sakusa’s parents, telling his parents. not cool :(

↬ when she was old enough, especially to understand the concept of being a surrogate (oh my god the sex talk was a whole other insufferable thing), they told her about you, and that you were actually her biological mother and not just an ‘auntie.’ she tried to be angry at them for keeping it from her, but she was honestly more excited about finding out than anything. it brought the two of you closer together, and for the next mother’s day, she organized a whole brunch for you, her and her dads, got you a gift, flowers, everything. yeah, you did cry.

↬ you genuinely have never been more satisfied and thankful for a decision like this one, ever, especially because of how much of a blessing the outcome had been.

can u tell this isn’t my first time thinking about this. ever since i posted the iwaoi one i’ve been wanting to do a sakuatsu one, but i didn’t really know whether anyone had enjoyed that or would want more, so thank you for sending in this ask!! love u all mwah <3 

[xiaoshng]

request (cause im dumb and accidently deleted it) :

“ dont go. ”

pairing : diluc x gn!reader

warnings : angst, fluff ending

word count : 864

a/n : im so sorry for taking forever with this, just went on like a week break, back and better now!

when you came back home from some of your duties outside of the walls of mondstadt, you wanted to take a nice warm bath. you wanted to settle down a bit as you were too exhausted to even lift a finger. this was not you had expected nor wanted.

It came back to you that diluc, your boyfriend for about a few months now, had been previously injured due to his late night dark knight hero responsibilities. that gave you even more of a reason to hurry back to your shared space with him. even though you were tired out of your mind, you didn’t mind preparing some feasible things to eat for dinner. this would be a relaxing night wouldn’t it be?

“diluc. what do you mean you’ll be going out again?”

“I have things to attend to, s/o. my injuries can't stop me from stationing around mondstadt. understood?” he had his head turned to you, while his body was facing the door. you could tell that he was limping, that his injuries did in fact hurt. he was standoffish, what he always acted like when he was bothered by something. as he reached for the doorknob, you spoke up.

“you’re hurt diluc, you could get even more hurt if you step out of these walls again. at least until you’ve recovered yourself.” you didn’t mean to sound pushy, in fact all you wanted was for him to rest for longer. maybe even spend some more time with you, as it didn’t even seem like you guys were in love anymore.

you knew diluc had things to do. you’ve never stopped him from what he was doing, but as he slowly started disappearing at god knows what time every day, you were left always eating at night and putting his plate full of food back into the fridge.

“why do you suddenly start bothering me about my things? I have a place to protect, stop pushing me around all the time.” you stared back at him and stood up from the dining table. “I just want you to take a break! the guards are there for a reason diluc, can't you understand?” your eyebrows were furrowed and you couldn’t help but let out a sigh. again, you were tired. you didn’t want to deal with this. “those guards can’t do anything on their own! just leave me be and go do the things that you need to do. I'm going out.” he was facing you directly now, arms crossed.

“what do you even do everyday s/o? go out and talk to your friends? I dont stop you from going out whenever you feel pleased to do so. even if you did get hurt it's not like I would make such a huge deal out of it!” now his eyebrows were furrowed. he didn’t budge, nor did he rethink his words that had just been thrown at you. did you mean nothing to him?

“do you even love me anymore? It seems like i'm the only one doing something these days to try to salvage this relationship.” you stand a few steps away from him. was this truely what he had felt?

“I'm not doing this anymore s/o. look, i'm leaving and when I come back we can t-” In the spark of the moment, the palm of your hand made contact with the right side of his cheek. seconds in, you had regretted it, but maybe it was just the thing to bring him back to reality. It stung, and was evident that you had slapped him. his cheek was slightly red, as you could make out your hand print only by squinting.

“just…just listen to me ok? I can’t have you going out again and returning back here almost half dead! If I ever lost you, I don’t know what I’d do.”

“I don't care if you don’t care about my well being, but at least… take care of yourself.”

diluc took a short breath in. why did your words hurt so much? had he left you so often that you felt so... unloved? It was only a few instants until he had you cradled in between his two arms. he did care about you. a little too much actually.

“Im.. sorry. this wasn’t what I wanted to happen. Im sorry. please..don’t leave me. I promised i'll fix this, I’ll take a break, I...I love you.” he was quick with his words, had if he said it any faster, you would have to ask him to repeat it all over again. “I love you s/o. I apologize that you ever felt that way. can we maybe..lie down for a bit?” he was overworked, his body was warmer than usual, and as you expected, he had developed a fever. you dragged him over to the bed and laid him down, while walking out. as you did, diluc grabbed your hand and dragged you back down on him. “I asked for both of us. not only me.” his lips curved into a small smile as his eyes were closed.

maybe you could lie down for a bit.

[astro-rain]

delicate; b.barnes

chapter twenty - “collateral damage”

delicate masterlist

word count: 2k

synopsis: bucky and y/n deal with the emotional fallout of her departure from wakanda.

pairings: bucky barnes x fem!reader

warnings: mildly suggestive content, nothing explicit, 18+ readers please.

The flight home was wretched. Sleeping on the jet was impossible. Every time she shut her eyes she saw his face. If her mind did somehow manage to drift off to sleep, Y/N dreamed of him and woke up trying not to rip her hair out.

"We can still stay in contact, right?" Bucky asked as they were walking back from the waterfall.

They had left their catharsis by the water, still upset, but now calmer and more logical.

"I don't think so..."

"What? Why? It's not like we don't have the technology to do it."

"I know, but.." Y/N trailed off, trying to think of a sensible excuse.

Obviously they could stay in contact if they wanted. But any kind of phone call would be able to be tracked or recorded. That, and she didn't want him to hang on to someone who betrayed him. She couldn't imagine the guilt she'd have hearing Bucky's "I miss you's" or "Baby doll's" from miles away, knowing she lied to him.

"You don't even have a phone..."

"That's an easy problem to fix."

"I know... I just think you should focus on the rest of your healing, and... you know, I'll have a lot of work once I get back...." she took a breath. "I don't know if it's super healthy for us to cling on to each other when it... may be better to move on..."

"Move on?"

"Yeah..."

Bucky stopped walking and turned to face her. They both stood still and he stared at her, confused, as if he was trying to figure something out. He knew her well. She was scared he'd see right through her.

"So let me get this straight. When you're here we can talk all the time and... plenty of other things. But when you're away we can't even call each other?"

"Bucky..."

"That's not all, is it?"

She sighed. "I'm just... worried... about- like-... getting in trouble. If someone overhears or tracks a phone call...What if someone finds out where the 'Winter Soldier' is and comes here to exact revenge?"

That was partly true. She'd never want anyone bad to find out where he was. But no one was tracking her phone calls; she wasn't really a person of interest. In all likelihood, it probably wasn't something she'd have to be terribly worried about.

However, if anyone overheard or saw Bucky on the phone, they'd know it was her, and she doubted anything she could say would convince them that she didn't tell him about the arm.

Or maybe no one would find out. She just didn't want to take the chance. The last time she took a chance, this happened. She wasn't willing to do it again.

He stared at her with dejected eyes. "You know you don't have to worry about me. I'll be okay."

She rested her hands on his forearms and laughed sadly. "Bucky, I don't think I'm ever not gonna worry about you."

He was already in her heart. She didn't think he could leave now.

He let his eyelids fall shut. "I really don't want you to go."

She closed her eyes as well and let her forehead rest against the top of his chest.

"I know. I'm sorry. I don't want to leave you either. But you're gonna do so well, even without me. And every day I'll wake up and think 'wow this man is sexy and has good coping mechanisms! I wish I was him!'"

In the midst of his sadness, she made him laugh. It was a despondent, quiet laugh, but she managed to lift his mood all the same - even if just a little bit. She'd always make everything better.

He gazed down at her, eyes heavy, and without even thinking about it... "I love you."

She looked down at the grass below her feet. "Buck..."

"I do. I'm sorry but I do."

She wrapped her arms around the middle of his back, pressing her face into the crook of his neck. He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her in tight, one arm up her back and the other cradling her head.

In the tiniest whisper, she let the truth flow out from her chest. "I love you, too."

The clouds provoked her, so peaceful and quiet, while her head was a big, loud mess. Y/N leaned her head on the window, glaring at them and wondering if she should've said what she did. That she loved him. Internally, she debated whether or not it would make things worse. But she wasn't going to see him again; she might as well have left him with the truth.

Time was lost to her. She thought she would be landing soon, but she couldn't be sure. She couldn't be sure of anything anymore.

-

Bucky sat at the lake - their lake - and just stared into the water. It felt so strange to him, that she was gone. One minute she was here and now he was just... alone.

It was so quiet. Too quiet. Of course being alone was quiet, but after Y/N left, the air just felt empty.

He wished he could talk to her. Whenever he was upset, all he wanted to do was talk to her.

"So, is this... d-do we say goodbye now?" he asked when they got back to his hut.

"Yeah..." she sighed. "yeah."

"Are you going back to Europe?"

"Yes. Belgium. Haven't been in my apartment in forever."

"Belgium," he wondered. "It's nice there. Safe. What are you gonna do for work?"

"Probably just continue where I left off on my research. Fancy brain stuff, ya'know?"

He grinned, proud. "My smart girl."

She looked around her, as if watching for something. Or someone.

"Buck, I think I have to go now."

"Just one more minute? Please. I wanna remember you like this. Not sad and crying."

Y/N smiled, grabbed his hands, and kissed his knuckles. Both flesh and metal. Because they were both part of him and she loved him. All of him.

Then, she placed both his hands on either side of her face. Softly she said, "remember me like this," before bringing their lips together.

He looked down at his vibranium arm, twisting his wrist to watch how the plates whirred.

Since the first moment he put it on, he had been using it to be gentle, loving, and affectionate. This arm was good. This arm wasn't used for death and destruction and violence.

With this arm he held her, kissed her, loved her. And now she was gone. And now it felt like dead weight.

— ONE WEEK LATER —

Whenever Bucky looked at his bionic arm he saw her. It began to make him sad.

His hair had been getting longer and longer. He could cut it now, now that he had two arms. But every time he tried, all he could do was stare at the arm and hear her voice in his head.

"That's your heart. That's you. You're all heart, Buck. You're so deeply, wonderfully human. All the way to your bones."

That was the first time he expressed real distress about missing a limb, he recalled. That was the first time they kissed. Funny how that transition was made, funny how she could remedy some of his worst emotions.

His days were boring and uneventful and nearly silent. He sat alone a lot. There was no laughter anymore, none of her laughter. There was no more holding, no more kissing, no more loving. The arm just felt... wrong? Like what it was born from had died.

-

In Belgium, Y/N felt incredibly uncomfortable. She knew she just needed to adjust to the change, after getting to used to life in Wakanda - life with Bucky. Her vacant apartment didn't feel as homey.

It had been, what, a year and a half? About a year and a half since she had been home. About a year and a half spent with Bucky.

Her apartment seemed so... barren. Void of life. And cold. She was used to the Wakandan heat. When she closed and locked the door behind her, she looked at the golden square that the sun cast through her window. It reminded her of that heat.

Y/N sighed, cursing her very own hippocampus for providing her with memory.

"God, I wish you had an AC in here."

She was in his bed. Well, she was on top of him, straddling him, in his bed.

"Is it hot or is it just you?" he joked, poking at her sides and trying to not pout at the loss of her lips.

"Ha. Ha," she rolled her eyes and brought her face back to his.

"Wait," Bucky said and gently pulled her face away to examine it. "You are a little warm."

"It's okay," she quickly tried to resume their previous activity.

"Hold on-" he got cut off as Y/N kept pecking his lips over and over.

"I have-"

Kiss.

"An idea-"

Kiss.

Lightly he pushed her shoulders away, nearly giggling. "Stop it! Just wait a second!"

Bashful, she conceded. "What?"

"Just-" he reached out and put the vibranium hand on her forehead, effectively cooling her down a bit. She closed her eyes and flashed a goofy smile.

"That feels nice."

Then, suddenly, he wrapped both his arms around her back and flipped them over so that he was on top. He smirked.

"Oh yeah, you just wait."

She hung her keys up and took a deep breath, absorbing the emptiness. This was her new normal; she just had to get used to it.

-

"I just- I don't really... I don't think I need it," Bucky tried to explain.

Want it, he thought. I don't want it. I can't stand to even look at it.

"You don't need it?" Shuri asked.

"Yeah, it-uh it takes a bit of getting used to and I think I just need a break. And I wouldn't want to damage it so... figured it's better with you."

He was better at lying than he gave himself credit for.

"Okay," Shuri accepted his answer and began to detach the bionic arm. "But you let me know if it's uncomfortable or painful anywhere so I can adjust it. Alright?"

"Alright. Thank you."

Finally he was rid of it- that cursed metal weighing down on his soul. Maybe now he could focus on other things. Maybe. It didn't seem likely...

However, as the days drew closer, it did make him slightly - only slightly -  less nervous about the trigger word experiment. Now he didn't have a weapon attached to him. Though he reckoned he was the weapon.

No. He wasn't supposed to think like that. He knew Y/N wouldn't want him to. He knew she would say something like, "You aren't what they tried to make you into. You're you and all HYDRA's awfulness can't change the good at your core. My Bucky. You're perfect."

He'd deny to high heavens that he was the farthest thing from perfect. Bucky had no clue how she could say such things. But her conviction never faltered.

Soon enough the day came. The experiment. All he could think about was how she was supposed to be there. He didn't want to do this without her.

But now, he found himself sitting at at a fire on some mountain with one of the Doras. It was dark and it was scary. He was scared.

"It is time," said Ayo.

Nevermind want. He wasn't sure if he could do this without her.

"Are you sure about this?"

"I won't let you hurt anyone."

He was still scared. He still didn't trust himself. But, staring into the fire, he thought back to a past conversation.

"You don't have to trust yourself. That's hard enough as it is and Hydra didn't make it any easier. You just trust me, alright? ... And I will not let anything happen to you."

Bucky didn't have to trust himself. He just had to trust her. Even if she wasn't here, even if she was on another continent, all he had to do was trust her. When Ayo began reciting the trigger words, that was the one thing thing he held onto. The one thing that kept him afloat.

His trust in her.

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