#Probably a bunch of typos

[anxiousangerball]

Shadow Work

Shadow Question 1:

When did you stop loving yourself?

My response is below. I'm posting it because...well fuck. If I'm going this work for me. I guess I can do whatever I want with it. I'm posting on a whim. Maybe I'll regret it. Maybe I won't.

Unimportant!

The question is for whoever wants to play around with it. (Be gentle on yourself. This journey is already hard enough.)

That one time I lied to my mom.

I was four…maybe five. I cannot remember if my baby brother had been born yet.

Mom was in a bad mood.

She didn’t handle her bad moods very well. She had been taught that being angry was shameful.

Trouble is, anger happens. You can’t stuff that shit deep down and ignore it.

If you do that, then you do things like my mom would do. She would stuff a little bit of anger down each day, and that anger couldn’t get going anywhere.

That little ball of anger inside of her would increase in size.

Soon, it would be too big for her to contain, although she was still making the effort:

She’s doing her thing, not showing how angry she is about all the things, but we, in the household, all knew. We knew when an explosion was about to detonate. We knew. We could feel it in the air of the home. Miserable.

Finally. FINALLY, all of her anger would explode, she would yell, she would lecture, she would cry. She would threaten to run away. Not in that order, of course. (The threat to run away, though...that one always hurt me most.)

Once she'd gotten all that anger out of her system, things would be okay again...until her collection of anger was too big for her body again.

None of this is good or healthy. In case you were wondering.

So, this one evening, Mom was in a bad mood, but it wasn’t bad enough yet to subdue my older sister and I as we got ready for bed.

Our bedrooms were upstairs from the living area of the house, and we were able to hear our parents coming up the stairs. We had been fooling around – a bit hyper, a bit bouncing off the walls. We heard our parents start up the stairs, and I dashed back to my own room, my own bed. I leapt upon the bed and pulled all the covers over me.

I was playing. This was a play action. I was inviting my parents to play hide and seek – of a sort - with me.

Neither of them accepted my invitation to play. My Dad was chill. He didn’t do anything beyond finally kiss me good night after I’d excavated myself out from underneath the blankets.

My mom’s mood had gotten even more sour – I could feel it in the air. So I apologized. I actually said I was sorry for messing up the blankets on my bed – they were all out of order because of how I’d been roughhousing.

My mom said “yeah, well you lie a lot, too.”

(Quick note here. Either my hearing or my auditory processing was never strong. I think auditory processing issues are the culprit, but who knows? All I know is that that is what I heard my mom say. I could be mistaken. I mention it only because, also around this age, there was a moment when I dashed up to my dad to tell him something of vital importance to me. He said “What’s up” I heard “Shut up.” It’s a thing. But, we’re going with what I’m sure I heard my mom say. Because that’s what I reacted to. Hearing my mom say “yeah, and you lie a lot, too.”)

Another aside, I already understood that I had a tenuous relationship with the truth. That, in my mind at the age of 4, was gospel. I struggled with telling the truth. Also, I was a bad child. (I was being raised in a strict Catholic household. I was never going to get out of there with self-confidence intact.) The point is – I could easily believe my mom said such a thing to me because I already understood that I struggled with being honest.

She kissed me good night, turned out my light and went back downstairs.

I started sobbing.

My older sister heard me from her room and tried to figure out what was going on and how she could get me to stop. She had no success. She went down and summoned our folks.

My mom tried to get to the bottom of why I was crying, and I couldn’t tell her. I felt absolutely unable to articulate why I was crying. I didn’t want to tell her that I was crying because I was a liar. (full disclosure, I have no clue how my mom would have reacted if I had said “I’m crying because you said that I lie a lot. I know that that is true, but now I think that are going to stop loving me because I’m an absolute crap human being.” But you know…how a 4 year old would say it.).

So, I didn’t tell her. She was already angry. Then, AFTER BEDTIME! She had this irrational child that she couldn't understand, who wasn’t giving her anything at all to work with. She finally left me to my dad’s care and stomped off back downstairs.

My dad finally managed to get me to calm down. I still couldn't bring myself to admit why I was so upset over the fact that I was a liar and a crap human (honestly – I believed for many many years that I was going to burn in hell because of what an awful person I was. The church always told me how awful I was. I believed them. I am so grateful that, when I was in my 20s, I came to the conclusion that no one should be made to feel so profoundly miserable on a weekly basis by visiting their chosen house of worship. So, I stopped going. Because I deserve to not feel miserable. I really fucking do. No one should feel miserable when worshipping. I will die on this hill.).

I couldn’t tell my dad anything, but at least I'd stopped. He convinced me to talk with my mom again, because my being upset had upset her. It would make her feel better, he said, if she could give me another good night kiss (paraphrasing here, if you couldn’t guess. This is gist, not the actual conversation).

We go downstairs, and I had another conversation with my mom. I still would not tell her why I had been so upset. Mom kept offering guesses. Finally she suggested that I was jealous that my older sister had just gotten new flannel sheets for her bed, but I hadn’t. I told her that that was it. That was why I was so upset.

(As established above, that was not why I was upset. Also established above, I was a lying liar who lies, apparently. I just didn’t want to tell her that she had made me cry because of what she said. I do not know why that meant so much to me.)

So, she promised that, as soon as our budget could handle it, she would buy me a set of flannel sheets as well.

That was a terrible night. My mom called me a liar and then I proved her right. That’s heavy stuff for a four year old. But, because I couldn’t figure out a way to tell my mom what was actually going on, I hated myself even more than I had.

I think that is when I stopped loving myself. What an irredeemable person I was! (Again...I was four. I remember certain things. I remember how that sadness clung in my throat and it ached, ached, ached. I remember the shame. Should a four year old be able to hold that much shame? At that age? I blame the Catholic Church for the assist, along with my mom for her own traumatic upbringing that caused her to hurt those she loves.)

(Not that my dad gets a pass in my childhood…we all made plenty of choices we regret. It’s just…this was a story about me and my mom. And when (and why) I stopped loving myself.)

You know what I hate the most? I don't believe my mom's love is steadfast. I think I will lose it by doing or saying the wrong thing. By making the "wrong" choice. (And "wrong" is just code for something she doesn't agree with. If I had come home with a same sex significant other, that would have been a wrong choice. Just for example.) I feel very tentative around my mom - leaning in to politeness so as not to give offense. I guess I don't want to lose her love, even if I think the way she is choosing to live her life is close minded and bigoted.

What the hell is that? I hate the choices she's making. I HATE them. I am so embarrassed and ashamed that someone who taught me to be kind and empathetic, someone who led my scout troop, and taught us all feminism 101 for fucks sake (holy wow were we feisty when we were pre-teens. I miss that optimism and courage.), someone who was one of my best fucking friends when I was an older teen into my twenties, has grown to be so fucking unkind. That meanness is there there. It's there in how she votes. It's there in how she talks about people different from her. IT'S MOTHERFUCKING THERE WHEN SHE - WITH HER FULL CHEST - PICKETS OUTSIDE OF THE LOCAL ABORTION CLINIC. WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK, MA?! HOW VERY DARE YOU BE SO FUCKING MEAN!!!

This woman pisses me off.

But, also. She's my mom. And I want her to still be my family. I want her to consider me to be her family. But she's grown to be so fucking awful. And I look at her and I feel - in with all the frustration and anger - I feel pity. This fucking woman. She's doing her best, but religion has rotted her brain. She thinks she's being righteous. She goes to mass on the daily, she prays her rosary, she completes so so many acts of service. She reads her bible She reads other religious tomes. She tithes to the church and donates to charity. She thinks she is being good. But when we try to point out her bigotry, she can't hear it. She can't take it in. She won't even try. She's scared. She's being left behind in a world that is adapting because it has to. She's clinging to what makes her feel safe, but her sense of safety HURTS others. It fucking damages others.

I love this woman, but she breaks my heart. I fear her final abandonment of me, even as I don't agree with her current morality. I hate this. No stars. Cannot recommend.

[littlestormofmess]

hello ! i know it's been more than a week since wad but i wanted to do a little something for: @danrifics (who started all this !!), @dnphobe @manchesterau @phan-tasia @less-amazing @phulge @hmfakeaccount and @oriharakaoru who bought tickets for 150 people (!!!!) to watch the show + the afterparty !!

as it was probably the case for everyone else that entered the giveaway, it wouldve been hard to buy a ticket myself, living on the other side of the world where the economy is very much fucked up kdhdk so thank you guys so much for this opportunity !! its also the first time i get to see one of these guys' live shows, well, live; and it was very exciting to get to experience it alongside so many people, i had lots of fun !!

anyways, all of you guys are more than welcome to request doodles in my asks/dms, if you so wish😌 could be dnp, could be anything ! (mostly) if not, *pushes this little guy toward you* there ya go. have a lovely day !! 🧡

[burirammin]

Watched sepang 2011 moto2 fp1 followed by qualification and now I am absolutely devastated. screaming crying throwing up etc. etc. (the following write-up aka. me ever so slightly losing my mind over how Marc Marquez's 2011 season ends)

That weekend was so cursed it's unbelievable. Not even two minutes into the fp1 session the camera cut to the turn 10 gravel trap and then there was two riders occupying the place. The first one was Jules Cluzel, who was thankfully already up and was not hurt. Marc was the second one and oh boy, was he NOT fine. He laid there on his back for what felt like minutes, camera focusing on him almost THE WHOLE TIME. I. am. sick. to my stomach!!!

Not a moment later another bike (or two actually, but one of them was off camera) came crashing in, Marc was still on the ground, just out of the hit range. It was Yonny Hernandez (who looks to be fine. he raced the next day but was black-flagged) and Bradley Smith, who ended up with a broken collarbone + bruised ribs and was forced to be out of the race altogether. His injuries were caused by him getting thrown directly into Marc's bike. How unlucky was that??? The cause of all these crashes? A WET. FUCKING. PATCH. I reeallly meant it when I say that weekend was fucking cursed (and on sunday. we all know what happened on sunday...)

I was already regretting my choice to watch it at this point but just like watching a trainwreck, I couldn't stop.

And then I saw the team's reaction (full on regret. hits like a brick)

The icing on the cake? the whole session did not have any commentary. Just pure ambient noises, bike engines, staff radios, people rushing around the track. The whole scene was so eerie, I could not imagine watching this live.

The way they were running out from the pit, almost entirely abandoning it to (presumably) check on Marc at the medical center? gut punched.

The famous shot of Marc after medical check-up. Already a pro at slutty suffering at the tender age of eighteen. (I was about to throw up, so thank you I guess? how he was just out there, looking beautiful in this state was beyond my comprehension)

Marc missed all the sessions following fp1 (3 in total) but he did joined in for qualification session the next day. There was commentating for this and they mentioned that he was still a little dizzy this morning, his neck and left shoulder was not doing great either. Of course Marc being Marc he still wants to at least try to qualify and maybe, race. For context, he was just 3 points off the lead and not participating in this race means he will lose the championship, which in the end, he did.

It didn't last long. Marc was back in the box after just one qualifying lap.

Back in the box, Santi and Emilio was immediately all over him. The commentators DID pick up that there was something seriously wrong as normally only Santi (crew chief) would be present to talk about technical stuff that needs to be done and such, and not Emilio (manager). They discussed, things did not look good. With the gift of hindsight we can see that Marc was clearly informing them about his eye problem (which we know was diplopia later on) not to mention his other injuries to neck and left shoulder that was probably bothering him.

He has to leave the box shortly after. The commentators said they were hoping that he will be feeling better in the morning of race day, and also that Marc losing the championship was “inconceivable” before the fp1 crash*. There’s no such luck, unfortunately.

*mind you, he already have another big (very reckless and very much his own fault) crash from prior week with Ratthapark Wilairot in phillip island resulting in his blackeye but that was not enough to hindered his performance.

Marc watching the sunday race from the sidelines, no longer able to participate in this and following race.

And just to add even more (like anyone needed it, jesus christ) to the cursed factor of this weekend, Axel Pons suffered a massive crash during the race, resulting in a red flag. He also, was not fit for the next race.

God. That's it. That's the end of his 2011 season. From a crash that was in no way, shape or form, his fault. The circuit was later fined for not displaying yellow flag to warn riders of a wet patch on the track.

He could've won. HE COULD HAVE WON. HE COULD HAVE BEEN A MOTO2 WORLD CHAMPION IN HIS ROOKIE YEAR!!!!! I must repeat that at the time he was 3 POINTS AWAY FROM THE LEAD and has more or less been DOMINATING the whole season. He was on the podium for every races that he has finished and was on a streak. I am convinced he could have easily done it if not for the unfortunate accident.

But all he got out of it was second place in the championship (which we all know he won't accept in his mind. at least back then) and a diplopia problem that would still haunts him more than ten years later...

[mirrorclans]

Very casual clangen blog where I document and draw events from a group of clans in a location based around Yellowstone lake: Moonclan, Sunclan, Skyclan (no relation to the books), and Cloudclan

Moonclan History Document

Current leader: Nutstar

Current Allegiances

I will add the other clans as I play them :]

[leapdayowo]

Redstone and Skulk OC time :3

Thought I’d turn my persona into a rns oc and give them a helsmet :3 I basically looked at my play style in Minecraft and took a few things from my own life and combined them to create these two! Short version about them below and a little story of their origins under that:

short version:

-Leapday_art (short version Leapday, she/he/they, the player) is afraid of losing important things in their life. He is very cautious about doing anything that could result in him dying and loosing everything in his inventory (sleeps through the night everytime to avoid monsters, barely visits the nether, strip mines, etc) +the cats next to Leapday are two of my darling kitties who unfortunately passed away irl, their names are Toby (left) and Toes (right)

-Nightfall_collections (short version Nightfall, all pronouns, the helsmet) was created from Leapday’s extreme fear of losing valuables and her grief from having lost valuables too many times. Xyr driving goal is to collect and preserve everything that xe can and to make sure there is always at least one copy

-other things about Nightfall: she is a magma cube hybrid while Leapday is a ??? hybrid player (if you read the story below this may make more sense👀). Nightfall can split into smaller duplicates which allows them to be in more places at once and thus more productive in their goal. She uses her goop-like body to write reminders on her clothes, then re-absorbs the goop later

-I think Nightfall would find himself as an organizer between lots of different parties/people in Hels due to being so dedicated to his goal + only being dedicated to this goal (his alignment is probably chaotic good because he’s loyal to his own goals and not to other people or outside rules. He does not take bribes or backstab). Also, Nightfall does not need to have possession of everything, but xe is trying to keep tabs on where everything that exist is at(this makes xem the go-to person for trying to obtain something in particular)

-I think Nightfall would become a sponsor (if that’s the right word?) for the Order of Remembrance because she greatly admires the work they do to preserve Hels’ history. She would also love Zedaph’s hall of all and definitely tries to work with private collectors to protect (and document/track) what they have (and she will keep what she knows a secret if it means protecting valuable things)

-Nightfall does not care about thieves unless they steal one of a kind things

-the doodles below were my earlier concepts, so Nightfall has green eyes before I realized it’s much more fitting for xem to have orange eyes

okay, okay, story time (because I realized the ‘short’ version was getting very extensive):

Maybe it had started in the very first world she spawned in. A brilliant blue sky that stretched over jagged, looming cliffs with forests scattered underneath. Trickling waterfalls and bubbling lava pits here and there. The natural beauty of the world left Leapday in awe and eager to explore what other wonders lay beyond the horizon.

It must have started with the first tree she broke, a squat little oak, one of hundreds in the forest. When the leaves of that little oak had all fallen, saplings littered the grassy floor. She should’ve been excited, feel triumphant even by taking down the tree, after all it’s how the journey had to start. Except, all that Leapday could see was the awkward gap in the canopy from the absence of the little oak. It felt like an itch unscratched, nagging and uncomfortable. Well that wouldn’t do.

They scooped up all the saplings littering the floor and planted one in the same dirt plot the little oak was uprooted from. Then they planted a few more just for good measure. The unease lingered, but planting the saplings felt good. It felt right. Now their adventure could truly begin!

——

In this world, Leapday’s only companions were the pigs and sheep that he passed on his journey, though he would argue, if there were someone to argue with, that the world itself brought him company enough. That the days and nights passing was a conversation between the universe and Leapday, and thus a consistent companion. And what gifts did the universe provide for him to find! Rushing rivers that fed into powerful oceans, plenty of trees to sleep in and collect, and mountains to climb with the best views of the sunset. Never a dull moment for him as there was always something new to experience and see.

However, despite all its gifts, the universe was slow to explain the finer mechanics of the world, such as health to Leapday. A week of traversing through thick forests and steep cliffs left them battered and bruised. They learned how to gauge the distance of a drop and how to place blocks to minimize the pain in their ankles from falls. A similar pain gnawed from the inside of their stomach, which they discovered was briefly satiated by devouring the apples that fell from the trees.

During one climb up a particularly harrowing cliff, Leapday learned about the unforgiving weight of sand by placing it under her feet in order to reach the next ledge. The block had crumbled in a near instant, sending her plummeting towards the ground. Instead of hitting the hard rocks below, she splashed into a stream from a nearby waterfall. When she had dragged herself onto land and her heart had steadied to a more familiar pace, she let out a fit of bewildered laughter that overwhelmed the panic from moments ago. She knew falls much shorter than this one could take days to recover from, so what kind of pain would she be in if she hadn’t gotten lucky and fallen in the stream? Something cold ran through her and sank to the pit of her stomach. Dread of what could have been, what could still be if she wasn’t more careful. She resolved to never find out what would happen. How unfortunate that her next fall would be into a pit of lava, the very one she had been camping at throughout the nights.

He was being careful, more so than he had been for the first week in this world anyways. That didn’t seem to matter because he had still slipped when placing the block before him and fallen. It was his first respawn, and it introduced him to a few new things like a punch to the face. The first revelation was the agony of burning to death, and death itself. He curled into himself, crying at the phantom feeling of the lava eating at his flesh. The intense heat and how the lava had trapped him in place and burned. It was a twisted version of the warmth of the sun, which was shining down on him and in comparison felt as cool as the air in caves. The second realization came slowly as the memory of fire ebbed. Their knuckles no longer popped and their joints no longer ached. The tightness in their muscles had vanished, leaving softer tissue on the bone and the emptiness in their stomach no longer hurt. They felt new and full of energy, ready to begin their journey again. How strange they had forgotten what this felt like. White scars from their oldest injuries and freckles from sun touched skin still littered their body. They had died, but now were in perfect health again. Leapday took in her surroundings, her face lighting up with delight at the sight of a familiar oak tree. It had grown into quite the study tree since the start of her adventure. Soon after her reunion, Leapday discovered her now empty inventory when she reached for blocks to place in order to climb the canopy. The absence of stacks of logs, dirt, and sand had her racing towards the lava pit before her mind could catch up. Panic pushed her feet to run faster and dodge every obstacle. She ignored nicks from branches in her way and the sting of sharp rocks on her bare feet. The timer was ticking down. Her items would be gone- she just had to- if she wasn’t fast enough-

She burst through the tree line and was greeted by the familiar heavy heat of the lava pit. The sight of it made her recoil out of fear of falling back in even from many blocks away. On shaky legs, she circled the perimeter and searched for her items. The timer was still ticking, but they were nowhere to be seen! She crept as close as she dared to the lava and swept her eyes across the surface of the pool. Then she darted into the surrounding trees looking high and low.

Nothing.

No logs. No saplings or dirt or anything!

This was their third lesson. You lose items after death, and lava destroys those items.

Don’t die, especially not in lava, and don’t lose your items.

Now they had to start over, and this time not dying proved to be harder than expected. More falls and similar accidents happened. Zombies began appearing, persistent in their pursuit of Leapday’s flesh. Then skeletons, creepers, and spiders appeared and introduced many more ways one could die. The pain from the deaths hurt, but they became mundane as weeks turned to months. Loosing items became more painful and frightening when Leapday discovered crafting. More time and resources were needed to start over after dying with crafted items, so they took to the world underground. They followed their instinct to craft pickaxes and torches, to chip away at the stone in search of more sturdy materials. They crafted their first stone pickaxe and found it to be superior to the wooden one.

Maybe it truly started with that wooden pickaxe. When she crafted the stone tools, the wooden pickaxe sat in her hotbar, still good for half a day’s work but now obsolete. It had served her well to progress her journey, a necessary step, but it felt wrong to simply set it aside. It felt like the gap in the canopy all over again, but she very well couldn’t plant the pickaxe in the ground and solve her unease. Not sure what else to do, she attached it to her hip and went on with her day. She wouldn’t destroy it or toss it, she would simply carry it with her until she found what she needed to do with it next. It became her new companion (it was her first crafted tool. It was the first and therefore the only one that would ever exist).

Now equipped with wood and stone blocks, Leapday built their base over their mine. The wooden pickaxe found its place over the doorway leading outside, marking the build as their home. It felt right, so they continued their expansions. Farms were planted along a nearby river and fences placed to corral cows and sheep. Torches were the one item they were generous with. They were thrown across their property liberally since their light would deter creepers spawning too close for comfort.

During a thunderstorm that had picked up abruptly one morning, Leapday poked around at their communicator. It was a lightweight device that had been attached to their forearm since first spawning into the world and never disappeared after dying. After lots of fiddling with the different menus and buttons on the screen, they came across YouCraft. It was an archive of videos made by other players scattered across the universe, documenting their own worlds and progress! With the storm still crashing down around Leapday’s base, they curled up in bed and began watching the first video that caught their eye. It turned out that he had lots more to learn about the universe! After waiting out the storm, and then the night, by watching these videos, he learned about other biomes and blocks still left to discover as well as potions, enchanting, and other dimensions! A dragon was where this journey led for most players, though some took their time getting to it. Above all, he realized he needed diamonds. Diamonds were what every player sought due to their strength, but they were rare and dangerous to collect being so deep underground. They were needed to further Leapday’s journey however, so collecting them became his top goal. Quickly he learned how impossible achieving this goal would be. Well, it seemed impossible after spending days underground chipping at the cold stone and coming up empty. Strange echoes rang through the tunnels and more than a few times paranoia of something (or someone. He had heard the legends of Herobrine) sneaking up on him was enough to make him hole up for hours. Grey, grey stone that went on for miles. Grey cobblestone trailed behind him when his inventory filled. Leapday found other minerals, but the sparkling teal of diamonds still lay buried elsewhere. He mined for so long he began to doubt that the rare mineral even generated in this world. That only grey existed. That was until he broke away the next layer of stone before him and found himself staring uncomprehending at the bits of teal poking through stone. Uncontainable joy broke through his shock like sunlight through parting storm clouds. They were real! Diamonds were real and right in front of him! Invigorated with new energy, Leapday got to work extracting the diamonds just as they had seen others do. The amount paled in comparison to the stacks other players had, but in that moment he didn’t care. It was enough to have found them and confirm they even existed in this world. That weeks of sore arms digging at indifferent stone and unsteady gravel caches falling finally amounted to their new prized possession.

By the time he arrived back at his base, the novelty of finding diamonds began to wear off. He had to admit it was a measly amount. Just barely enough for a diamond pickaxe. What good would a stronger pickaxe be with no enchantments or replacements for when it broke? It had taken so long to find just a few diamonds what were the chances of finding more? No, they wouldn’t craft anything with the rare mineral until they had enough for spares and back ups. So back to the mines they went, and excruciatingly slow they found more, and continued to reason that crafting them was a poor decision. What if an accident happened and they couldn’t get back to their stuff? If they were swallowed by a pit of lava? So much time would be spent only to be wasted. Almost like their thoughts and fears had manifested it, a freak lava incident happened not long after. Leapday had been feeling good that day, so good because their most recent mining trip had yielded 13 diamonds and another cluster just across a lava lake. As they bridged across the lake, plans of finally crafting their collection of diamonds began to form making them giddy. It was the type of giddy that made any obstacle feel like child’s play and beyond consequence. That they finally could start progressing on their journey once more. It was enough to distract Leapday from the crunch of gravel under their feet and for their pickaxe to swing off its mark into the unsteady floor. The ground gave way and sent her tumbling into the lava.

She woke up screaming in her bed. Screaming from agony of ghostly flames that ate flesh, and then from loss and frustration. It wasn’t fair! Her luck had just turned up for the best and now all of it was gone! Every plan to use the diamonds tossed out the window and into a burning pit of despair. How stupid of her to not notice the gravel! All that time for nothing! She should have called it a day and come up 13 diamonds richer with plenty of levels for enchanting. All her gear and tools and items from mineshafts would still be intact, but no. Her head was too far in the clouds and now it was gone. She hadn’t even had the foresight to mark the cave to return to, so sure of her victory. There would be no hope navigating the twisting and sprawling tunnels below, and even if she tried to go back, the sight of lava would probably be enough to make her hurl. Fat tears began dripping down her face as she cursed and wallowed. They blurred his vision, so with a few steadying breaths and a final gross sniffle, he wiped at his eyes. Then he went to swing his legs over the bed to pick up the pieces of his day and froze. On his hand, both hands actually, were thick black smudges of… of something. What was that? He reached up to his face and traced the wet tear tracks with a clean finger. It too came away covered in the strange goop. An incredulous laugh burst from him, which evolved into hysterical crying. More tears fell from his eyes and he let them. The tangled web of grief in his chest unraveling as he did so, and he felt the last of his energy drain away until-

Sunlight trickled through the curtains and roused Leapday from their sleep. Birds were chirping and the familiar sounds of the animals grazing and leaves rustling cradled their mind while the events of the previous day trickled back to them. They felt heavy and gross. Their eyes crusty and mouth dry as a desert were a sure sign of their emotional distress. Disappointment felt like stones being dropped on them when they pulled up their empty inventory. It really was all gone. They let their head flop back onto their pillow and took a steadying breath, trying to recount the reasons they should get out of bed. Maybe they would stick to the joys of the world above ground for a month or two. Take up weaving or painting. They had plenty of resources to finally build a barn and an expansion to the house. Maybe they would go with a grassy roof.

Yeah. That could be alright. With one final sigh, Leapday pushed themself up off their bed and dragged themself over to their cauldron to clean up. They could see from their reflection that only a few faint smudges remained on their face, which they gently wiped away. Crying black goop was probably not normal now that their mind was more stable to think it over. Or maybe it was normal? It had never happened before, but the players on YouCraft all had their own quirks that Lepaday lacked, so maybe it was normal for them?

It turned out the inky tears were a new normal. From that incident onward, whenever they experienced a great sense of loss the strange tears formed and sank into the ground. They appeared when Leapday lost their first wolf companion and when they accidentally deleted a creative world full of builds of an ambitious project.

Meanwhile…

in another world…

In Hels, black goop bubbled to the surface of a sea of lava. From a distance, the surface seemed its usual hungry self, shifting and popping as it patiently waited for Hels and its inhabitants to finally crumble in. The goop was not consumed by its hunger however. It stretched towards the netherrack shore like a snake in water. Once it had gathered all of itself onto more solid ground, it sat and waited for more of itself to arrive, bouncing and bubbling over the terrain in the meantime. They could only wait so long however, after all, there was much to collect and preserve and too little time to do so.

And it’s finished! Whew, I don’t typically write, so this was a lot to work on amidst all my finals projects (totally worth it tho! It was great practice). I wasn’t planning on writing so much about leapday, but then I realized the interesting potential of writing about players when they’re new to the world. If they are akin to gods, they still enter the world with a lot to learn. The goop at the end is Nightfall, who then went on to travel Hels and collect as many blocks and items as xe could before xe came across the city Evil X established. At first they were incredibly overwhelmed by the amount of stuff to preserve in the city and mostly stuck to collecting free scraps and garbage. It probably did something to gain the attention of a member of the Order of Remembrance, who taught Nightfall about their goals and a few things about how society/Hels worked. From there, Nightfall set off to establish a massive collection and documentation of anything and everything, working with people in the process but also quite an eccentric personality that can be quite a hermit when buried in paperwork (not many people are willing to do paperwork as diligently as Nightfall)

Also, YouCraft is YouTube in the Minecraft world :P I felt I needed to separate it from our version of mcyt because in this universe the characters are real and making videos about their lives rather than people playing a video game (at least that’s how I’m headcanoning it)

thank you @silverskye13 for providing some more lore about Hels and the Order of Remembrance (as well as Redstone and Skulk as a whole <3) as well as inspiring me to keep trying to improve my writing and thank you to @/yayforocs for inspiring me to finally make my own rns OCs and this post :3

[alluralater]

thoughts/vent post

yesterday i was thinking about how big the united states is and how it’s crazy that if someone were to invade, we really just wouldn’t know if they were quiet and smart about it. then i started today thinking about the insane amount of cop cities being built all over this country, quietly. specifically being built in places that have been known for protesting. we are being invaded right now, quietly but surely. our government has realized that there is possibility to overthrow them and they’re putting all this shit into motion now because in 5-10 years there will be an INSANE amount of unrest, even more than we’ve seen in the 2020 black lives matter protests, even more than we’ve seen in the current palestinian genocide protests. the police presence at both of these kinds of protests have been overwhelming. though protesting is a legal right. (for non-americans-> it is legal but it isn’t actually and that’s why it’s so dangerous to do. our government will pretend certain laws don’t exist whenever convenient). all cops here are bad and they serve a system meant to harm and imprison citizens + protect property of the rich. doing anything else is actually what you’d consider outliers to their intended purpose, though it still doesn’t negate ACAB. even the way it’s taught in our country, protesting was actually only okay for this group of white guys when THEY wanted to overthrow the british government. that one we’re supposed to clap for and anything else historically was frowned upon at the time. many people are killed, jailed, and/or injured at protests at the hands of police and our mainstream media is owned by those in power, so they’ll call it “rioting” and flip shit around to confuse even more of the population + try to turn us against each other. it is extremely rare that anyone protesting actually does something to cause harm and therefore dEseRvEd to get their shit rocked by these weirdos in uniform that sold their soul for 22k a year. in my opinion it’s like the stanford prison experiment but imagine it large scale because there is very little training and they’re basically taught to shoot without more thought than it takes to upholster their weapon. oh and they’re taught to aim for kill shots so that’s… ??? pretty much they’re just untrained idiots walking around with no idea what they’re doing and they get off on the sense of power given to them. AND the way the military + police system work similarly is that they teach people not to think. don’t think, just shoot. don’t think, just take someone to the ground. don’t think, act. they are vessels without thought and harm people the same way— thus in my opinion, are soulless.

btw does anyone wonder where all this funding is coming from?? where this country refuses to help their own citizens or deliver aid to countries in need while saying it isn’t in the budget, they will instead always have money for weapons, for bombs, for sending money to other countries that want to commit atrocities. they will always have money for militarization. this country is guilty of so many things and the fact that we can just print more money to continue the horrors is— well, it’s horrifying. you can’t even count on the idea of us running out of money because somehow there is somehow ALWAYS money for murdering people overseas. fucking disgusting. that pentagon tax audit missing trillions of dollars is makin reeeal noise right now.

does anyone know the process of how you go about getting a country disbanded? more on that, how do we go about ruining the process of these cop cities. i’ll be researching. i want them left empty like those unfinished amusement parks. i want them turned into free or low-income housing. i want them turned into agriculture or food centers because food deserts are at an all time high.

the media is flooded right now with trending pop culture topics and while this is distracting, if you live in the USA, cop cities are a HUGE problem and we’ll be seeing just how bad the effects are in a few years. we’re going to see a lot of our citizens desperate for work (because the economy is in a perpetual state of decline and the rich are getting richer while costs of living for the rest of us increase even more and jobs become more scarce) and there’s no way these cop cities won’t start eventually offering programs for debt relief, education, healthcare, and housing— pretty much exactly what the military here does already for many citizens who believe they have no other options than to enlist so they can survive.

militarizing your citizens against your citizens??? leading by fear and oppressive force??? taking advantage of the vulnerable populace??? not changing the system but instead doubling down when eyes are drawn away?? overturning laws meant to protect them??? drafting new laws to smite them?? encouraging genocide and taking part in said genocides because it’s profitable?? that’s just… so… american government. we have literally never lived in an actual democracy. not once. everything we have is stolen and/or covered in blood. there is no changing or redeeming the past but the future is wide fucking open for change. if we lived in a true democracy, the changes we (the overwhelming majority noted in polls and census taking) have been asking for would already exist. america is a force of greed and deception, eating and eating itself and everything around it without pause while claiming it is still hungry for more. it will consume itself eventually but not anytime soon. i doubt i’ll be around to see the fall. i doubt any of us will. i wanna grab people by the shoulders and be like— please don’t wait on the future to save you. we only have right now to save ourselves.

god ugh anyways okay i’m done. probably gonna talk more shit in the tags though

[microwavetoaster-selfships]

no way... is that him??? live??? i can tbelive it

AWUEYEFVDCSGBFYB

I cant tell if you're joking or not but... yes!!! I haven't seen it in person, but I have seen someone's uploaded recording of the whole thing on YouTube, and it's actually pretty silly and not too bad! I can't remember if it's at Disney Land or Disney World, but it's neat. On an old blog I had, a screenshot from that video I saw I actually made the header to my blog! I was giggling cause Chick called him a McLoser, and while I don't think he's a loser, I was cracking up cause it sounded like a McDonalds item. I was pretty surprised to see they gave Chick some stuff in it though!

It was at his racing achedemy thing :) which is funny to me cause this is like the third time they've given him his own racing achedemy in some form and it's been completely different each time. And it's a Disney official thing so it's their actual voice actors I love it.. I need to rewatch it, I can't remember if Jackson shows up in it.. I think he gets a name mention at some point? It's based around Cars 3! And Cruz plays a pretty big roll in it as well, of course.

[gluedonpapers]

things that circled back to me in 2023

[silverskye13]

I think I've given up on the next RnS chapter being the way that it is, so I'm splitting it in half. So! New chapter tomorrow probably?

[hauntingofhouses]

hi, it's me. the fic writer that uses culturally-specific idioms in a very different cultural time setting and keeps confusing words like reign and rein. this is my story.

[yellowistheraddest]

AAAAAAAAAAA YOUR FANTASY STORY THINGY IS SO COOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLL

thank you

i definitely have not been tormenting friends on discord for the past 6 months with massive paragraphs about the smallest details. honestly at this point i have the ending completely planned with is the worst as:

a. the ending is ages away (like potentially tens of years)

b. i barely have an idea of what im gonna do in the middle, the bones are there just nothing particularly juicy

c. this thus causes the problem of i make the middle section and realise the ending doesn't fit and i go and cry

so yeah its going great on my end

[deadrlngers]

BOUGHT THE CUTEST STUFF FOR RAOUL I'M SOBBING MY EYES OUT

[noxianwilled]

i have to be on pc to properly comment later but: i think captain's what's his name repeated attempts to just make sure Kat doesn't get back to noxus pretty much comfirm further there's something else at play. if it's really lb, whatever she's planning doesn't seem to include katarina asking swain any questions (which makes sense tbh). kat thinking she might kill swain is funny though. baby girl doesn't know how far out of her league she is yet lmao

[sleepytimeredbull]

Hello hello, hi how are you, salutations broski's, what up homies, I am Sleepy, Sleep, Pink or whatever you wanna call me it's fine just wanted to give some options, I probably might post here? Idk but what I do know is that I'll definitely be interacting with a lot of my special interest ask blogs if I can find them and other art post stuff (if I can find any more ask stuff under the UnderTale (any), Gravity Falls, maybe Good Omens, monster high perhaps, and in general any other ones cause I like that kinda thing then it'd be really cool), if anyone here wants a sip of a me then go on ahead I have a concerning amount of liquid inside my being :>

[lesbiangallagher]

i can’t believe i wrote 10k words of fic omfgggg never in my life. if anyone would like to beta my lesbian smut fic LMK hahahah

[packook]

BATDR Thoughts

Spoilers below

Just wanted to rant and get some thoughts out there. Overall I enjoyed BATDR. The graphics were great and the gameplay and new sneaking ability was great. I loved the random personalities of different lost ones like the one who wanted us to find their art or the whole Lord Amok part. Having a 4th Butcher gang member was pretty cool too and she was honestly the scariest part of the game to me.

I just wish they worked on the characters and story more. Like while playing I was thinking if we were only getting the game a chapter at a time we’d barely be getting any lore or info and then it felt they just starting throwing the plot out finally during chapter 4. I wish they spaced it out a little more so you could think about it as you snuck around instead of just pushing forward just because where else would we go?

I wish we got to interact with characters more too. Like when we met Porter I was like wow this character seems fun so far. Can’t wait to run into him again. But we didn’t besides a cameo in the end. I liked what I got with a lot of characters I just wished we had more of it. I loved hanging out with tiny Bendy but I wish we could have done more than walk around the city together. Like hide somewhere or basically be like Boris in BATIM where he’s around and hiding and on our side and we can visit him whenever. Or maybe we could have defended Bendy from enemies while he has to work on a task to get us through an area. I know he can’t be around forever because he has to be the ink demon but I felt like the game relied on the fact we were all excited to hang out with Bendy so we didn’t get a reason for Audrey to be with him. Though I guess seeing a character you draw walking around could be enough for Audrey.

Speaking of Bendy what was the point from his perspective to merge with Audrey? Maybe I just need to play it again but I was like good thing you merged together now Audrey can force you to do what she wants. That being said I LOVED being able to play as Beast Bendy but I just didn’t get it form Bendy’s point of view. 

I think it’s really interesting that Bendy was in the real world at the end because basically that’s been the fandom’s whole idea since the original chapter one. An actual toon coming to life. That’s what most AUs and stories people make are about. That was what I felt like the fandom thought was happening before we learned there is a real world outside of the studio. But now what’s going to happen? Like does Bendy just act as his toon self in the real world? As the ink demon? Something completely different? And based off so many different fan stories I know there are so many different options with that. That’s what gets me excited if there is a third game but who knows what direction that’ll go.

I also like and don’t like how the whole loop is different. Like we still don’t know who was writing the invisible ink in BATIM. Who boarded up the ink machine in chapter 1? How do the cut outs move? Who cleared the path for us after running into Bendy in chapter 2? Like I guess none of those theories matter now because new loop new story so it doesn’t matter now we’re moving on. Which kinda makes me sad because I looked at so many theories, made some of my own, and tried to put the puzzle pieces together. 

That being said. I’m still excited to see what holes the fandom will fill. I feel like BATIM was so fun because of the what the fandom created with it. I think a good chunk of us are still around and plenty of new people are here too. So I’m still going to focus on collecting, finding, and sharing everyone’s ideas, art, and  other things and I already got an amv in mind that works pretty well with the story. So even though I wish there were a few differences in BATDR I’m excited to see what we can all make together and what the future will bring!