#REGARDLESS before any of you recognize something on one of them and get offended because you think fiona wouldnt like it .

[iratusmus]

fiona fox is the love + light of my life . also no i am not taking any criticism on her questionable tshirt collection i can and will defend all of my choices.

also bonus artist commentary in the alt text

[4townie]

Backstory #2: Brotherly Love

- so we know that growing up, Elijah was the perfect child and something something he and his brother used to be pretty close

- Z says they drifted apart when Elijah went off to college but the cracks in their relationship started way before that

- academically speaking, Elijah was a lot like his parents, he had excellent grades, he won academic awards, he was well liked

- Aaron on the other hand was a pretty average student and he didn't really do any extracurricular at first and he wasn’t picking up Mandarin as well as his brother was

- and his parents would brush it off like “it's fine, I'm sure you'll get better”

- but after a few times of them saying that and him not getting better he started to feel. off

- because clearly both of his parents are geniuses and so is his brother so why isn’t he?

- this is where basketball comes in

- it started off as just kind of dribbling and messing around but he would watch other kids play together and wanted to learn

- he actually learns from his godfather Khalil (old highschool friend of his parents) and he gets really good at it pretty quickly

- so now Aaron thinks he’s found his thing, the one thing he can do better than his brother (and in the back of his mind wondering why he’s treating this like a competition even)

- and everyone's excited about it and supporting him because they also think this is the thing

- and then he gets an injury and he's benched from the team. like for the rest of the season

- this is around when Olivia was really little, like she was still a baby/toddler. so now that Aaron’s at home all the time, whenever his parents are busy he’s the one watching her

- he starts singing her lullabies to put her to bed when no one’s around, his parents are kinda confused (and slightly offended) because she always falls asleep easiest with him

- Aaron kinda always knew he could sing but he never really thought too hard about it until then (but at this point he thinks it'll just be a hobby he never tells anyone about, no biggie)

- he starts getting better after the injury, instead of exercising regularly like the doctor said he starts watching his mother’s old dance videos and becomes fascinated with those (yet another new hobby he'll never tell anyone about)

- so now he’s back on the court getting used to the game again and humming & dancing around the house when no one’s looking, but regardless his parents are still super happy he’s back into the game

- at this point Elijah's in college (mind you he's like 16 years older than Olivia) and he just finished his sophomore year

- and he brings home a girl. a girl who is by all means perfect

- she’s well mannered and smart and sweet and pretty and his parents are just fawning over her

- and it’s unexplainable at the time, but all that excitement Aaron had been building up over the years, the pride he felt finally being recognized for something, and how he started to subconsciously resent his brother less for being so perfect just starts to fade

- he doesn’t know why yet but this perfect and adorable girl Elijah brought home is like a nail in the coffin to him

- so the fracture between Aaron and Elijah (that had previously been covered with a few bandages) just deepens ever so slightly

- Elijah has no idea why his brother's being so hostile towards him but he doesn’t like to push so he figures he'll come to him when he’s ready

- but then after that, basketball lost its shine

- no matter what Aaron did, he always felt like he was just second best at everything

- and he stops trying new things because let’s be real he’ll never fill the shoes his brother left behind

- so when you think about his rivalry with Robaire and how it really came to be, it kinda goes a little deeper than just getting pissed at Robaire for letting everyone feed his ego

[scintillatingshortgirl19]

Do you have any thoughts on why Sally & Barry fail at that imitation to Gene/Fuches? @_@ good post

Oh man, that's a great question.

This honestly isn't something I've pondered before, so this was fun to think about! I feel like it has a lot to do with the people on the receiving end of their attempts.

In Sally's case, a core difference to keep in mind between her situation and Gene's is that Gene had his class in the palm of his hand. He'd made it his own personal shrine where people worshipped him and they wouldn't dare call out his behavior, if they even recognized it as bad at all. If somebody had gotten upset and left the class, no one would have followed them - instead, they would've been treated as a weakling and everyone would've taken Gene's side.

But Sally was brand new, and although she felt emboldened by the class being sympathetic to her, she hadn't actually built up any kind of relationships, respect, or trust with these people. It was way too soon to pull out an abusive tactic - it's much easier for people to call out bad behavior when the person is a stranger.

With Barry, it mostly had to do with the fact that Hank decided to stand up to him. Unbeknownst to Barry, Hank had been having some character growth. Barry massively underestimated Hank in that moment. Barry was in prison and had no allies to break him out - he was clearly all bark and no bite, and Hank knew it. So actually in that way Barry's imitation was pretty true to Fuches. Fuches tells ridiculous lies and makes empty threats and resorts to angry outbursts when he doesn't get what he wants, too. But it failed in that it ultimately just didn't work, because Hank ended up being a lot harder to manipulate than Barry gave him credit for.

Another difference is that Gene and Fuches have both been doing what they do for a long time. There's an inherent confidence in both of them that Barry and Sally just don't have at this point. I don't think Barry has Fuches' level of cunning, and Sally doesn't have Gene's level of experience (or the benefit of being a man, though it's entirely possible the class still would've called her out for the abusive tactic regardless of gender).

I will also say that, while Sally was definitely consciously trying to imitate Gene, I don't think it was something Barry was doing on the same conscious level.

Like, for Sally it was "my acting teacher did a specific Thing to me and I am now going to try the exact same Thing on someone else." Whereas with Barry I think it was more subconscious? Not so much literally trying to copy Fuches as just doing what Fuches did to him because he doesn't know any other way of going after what he wants. He doesn't know how else to solve problems - all he knows is what he's been taught. I think he might actually be offended if someone were to point out how much he sounded like Fuches in that moment - sort of the "guy who hates his dad doesn't want to recognize that he's starting to turn into his dad" type thing.

[lunarscaled]

“ eat as many as you would like! ” the sixteenth librarian was very partial to baking, and sometimes she went a little too far. it was always better to share with guests than it was to throw out the waste. “ seems like you have a bit of a sweet tooth — I do as well. there’s nothing as comforting as a good macaron. ” / hi there!!

-> An inkling of a memory seems to paw at them, an unresting cat that demands to be seen even if it's shape blends completely into the dark: the thought that they have been somewhere similar before. Not here, specifically, but a likeness of it---another library, so vast the scope of it could not be contained in their brain or memory alone; a copy of every book that would ever be written, has been written, is in the process of writing are contained in it. Such a monument to knowledge and fantasy, and yet it feels out of their reach, a dream place. The memory of it may yet never be found because they could never come to that place again. It has been locked away for some time, a part of them they don't recognize provides, it's safer that way.

The sixteenth librarian brandishes a silver tray of bite sized macarons in pastel colors, perfectly baked in 1-inch rounds just enough to fill a mouth and no more. Macarons are best eaten that way---any more than a bite or two ruined the delicacy of the treat, just enough sugar to get your fix with a bit of coffee and not be slowed down in the day. Lyric has a fondness for them, of course: mellow-flavored sweets did well by them in cakes and pastries alike. They would always prefer a mild vanilla to something punchy or artificial-grained like cotton candy. They take a single one from the tray in two of their fingers and cast their own eyes upon the dry, scaled skin of their own hand which seems far too rough to hold such small treats. They didn't know anything about preventing such superficial damages: their hands were those of a working man, worn deep with labor and cracked knuckles. They hope she doesn't notice, and if she does, that she doesn't mind. They would be respectful of her library regardless.

"...Do you often find yourself in need of comforts?"

-> They speak it gently, to not offend.

"I think I rarely had treats for such purpose, but maybe I just didn't think about it. I'm sure everyone craves something when they're sad."

[darspeaksout]

I Felt Nothing When You Died

You outed me in front of the whole class in high school. 

We had set up our chairs in a circle. There was an article we were assigned to read for homework the day before. I can’t remember what the article was about but during the class discussion, the topic of gay couples came up. One of our classmates asked the teacher how she should explain to her five-year-old niece that two men can be together romantically and that same-sex relationships were becoming more socially accepted. Before the teacher could respond, you took it upon yourself to announce, “Why don’t we ask Darwin. Maybe he would know.” I was shocked. Did I just hear that right? Yes, I did. You really just called me out. 

The bell rang and everyone returned their chairs to their desks. As I was putting mine away, I felt my face get hot with rage, my hands shaking. I wanted to punch the wall. My friends in that class who recognized I was upset were quick to approach me and ask if I was alright. Obviously I wasn’t but I was too stunned to respond. I grabbed my backpack and on my way out, stopped at your desk. You were in the running to be our grade’s representative and had even campaigned to me personally. Through tears, I told you with all the fight I could muster, “You just lost my vote.” That was the last exchange between us before you passed away.

I got on the bus to go home. I had a church event planned that evening, so I had a few hours to pull myself together. We’d usually begin events by sharing good news or things we would like prayers for, but I knew this wasn’t something I could share with them. Once the shock had subsided, my mind went straight to planning mode. If this had happened to me in ninth grade, I would’ve cried alone and said nothing. But because we were approaching senior year and I had developed somewhat of a spine, I felt empowered to speak up. I spent the ride home thinking about how I would handle this. I knew I was going to address you in a speech, one that I would write out as soon as I got home. But I didn’t know what to say and how far I was willing to go to hurt you back. Marginalized people tend to see it as their responsibility to educate those who have offended them. But I didn’t see it that way. It’s not my job to educate you, but it is my job to fight for myself, regardless of how you receive it. Whether or not it hurts your feelings, that’s the least of my concerns. It was a Friday, so I had the rest of the afternoon and the coming weekend to write out my speech. I went to my church event that night and spent the weekend trying to calm down.

When Monday came, the chaplain with whom I had established a friendship, and our teacher for that class, both screened the speech I was about to deliver. They advised me to remove some of the rather offensive and unproductive messages contained therein. When I told them about my plan to address the entire class, both were supportive of my decision. Both reassured me I can always approach them for any issues should there be any, going forward. The chaplain said she would provide moral support and be there at fourth period. And when the bell rang, it was my time to shine. And shine, I did.

I walked to the front, speech in hand, and took a moment to assess the classroom, my classmates, and you - looking petrified as you shuffled in your seat. What was going to happen, what will he say?, you probably wondered. You weighed significantly more than me, but I’ve never seen you look so small. The tension hung dead in the air you could cut it with a knife. I closed my eyes for a moment and told myself I wasn’t only delivering this speech to you. I was delivering it to you and to every other person who thought they were entitled to my identity. 

I talked about how alone and ostracized I felt for most of high school, I talked about suicide. I talked about how my extra-curricular activities saved me from jumping off a building or hanging myself in my room. I talked about my family, religion, bullies, and how when you’re gay you expect homophobia to come from any and all directions, it doesn’t matter the person, it doesn’t matter the age. I talked about self-acceptance and how on some days, it’s more difficult to practice. I talked about how you called me out on Friday and how you’re lucky I’m this strong. Because if I wasn’t, who knows what I would’ve done to myself over the weekend and where I would be right now. When I finished my speech, nobody clapped. Everybody stared. That was the first time I was able to silence an entire room.

For a moment while I was up there, I wondered what the reaction would be if I derailed from my plans, set down the paper I was holding, and called you out, cursed at you, embarrassed you with the gossip I’d heard about your family troubles, made you feel what you made me feel. But I decided against it.

Because of how things stood at that moment, you were the bully and I was the bullied. If there was someone to root for, it was me. And I wanted to keep it that way. For once, the gay guy is the protagonist. For once, the gay guy is the one people want to see succeed. I was tired of being the best friend, the accessory, the shopping partner, the punchline, the man who is never seen as a man but not seen as a woman either, the man who isn’t taken seriously because he loves other men. As far as perception was concerned, I had the clear advantage. You cast yourself as the villain in my story. You earned that role from how you decided to act towards me. And I kept you in that role because I found your performance convincing. Bravo to you. You outed me for being gay, so I outed you for your true character. I was just returning the favor, so no need to thank me. We’re both actors, if you think about it - one is pretending to be straight, the other is pretending to be a good person.

As promised, I didn’t vote for you and you didn’t become our senior year representative. For the rest of my time in high school, you never bothered me again. I would have another class in which you sat at the very back but you later switched it for another course. I never knew if it had to do with me or if you genuinely had a schedule conflict. Either way, you were no longer around me so I considered it a win. I passed by you in the hallway once and you kept your head down, looking ashamed, similar to my best friend’s cousin that day on the sidewalk after he had tried to interrogate my identity out of me. What both of you had in common was that you think that by simply being heterosexual, it’s suddenly your job to coach and to police the identity of gay people. If I didn’t have the courage to speak up to him, I spoke up to you. I had double the rage and double the angst. You had to bear his transgressions against me in addition to your own, so I thank you for your service. But where the two of you differ is that in your case, I can actually forgive.

Who is easier to forgive, the living or the dead? I think the reason I was able to forgive you is, I visibly saw that you felt remorse for your actions. You understood my message, you left me alone, you gave me space by switching classes regardless of whether you did it for me or for your own reasons. And when a mutual friend of ours was planning a graduation party and I told her I wouldn’t feel comfortable if you were there, she uninvited you and you respected my space enough not to attend. I felt your remorse even though you never said sorry. But in the case of my friend’s cousin, I never saw that he regretted how he treated me. And that’s why I can forgive you but not him. As far as I know, he’s still alive and has the rest of his life to feel remorse. But since you’ve passed away, so have our issues, and I feel like I got my closure.

Three years later when I heard the news of your death, I felt nothing. No sadness. No elation. Just nothing. I observed the news as how I would observe a cloudy day - neutral, devoid of emotion. I was told you had died in your sleep due to a complicated medical history. If there is a preferred way to die, sleep is probably one of the more peaceful ways, I can imagine. Since I made the decision not to kill myself that weekend after you outed me, I believe that God took your soul in my place.

If there was anything I felt, I felt at peace. Peace that you understood how you hurt me. Peace that you showed me, in quiet but poignant ways, that you were sorry. Peace that you can finally say goodbye to your family problems, to being in and out of your mother’s home, to having to constantly move schools before you could develop any solid friendships. I felt at peace that you no longer had to feel alone, because I, as someone who’s gay, feels that a lot of the time. And I felt at peace for myself, that while it’s true I felt nothing when you died, it hit me that finally, we can put this chapter behind the both of us. I’m no stranger to the pain of living, and if your life was too painful I hope that wherever you are right now, may you find solace in knowing that with time, I grew to understand you. I really did grow to forgive you.

To the girl who never became my senior year representative, may you rest in peace.

[shotorozu]

hi!! so um i wanted to request maybe some hc or scenarios about midoriya, shoto and shinsou being loyal? if that makes sense? idk i've just read some angsty fics about cheating todoroki and now i'm sad :(

being loyal

character(s) : todoroki shouto, midoriya izuku, shinsou hitoshi (bnha)

legend : [Y/N = your name] gender neutral; they/them pronouns, quirk not mentioned

headcanon type : fluff, angst-ish, suggestive but it’s barely there (x reader)

note(s) : first of all, cheater! todoroki isn’t realistic at all in my opinion, even if it’s used as a weapon for other x reader fics. i don’t think todoroki would ever be with someone he didn’t love anymore, especially since that being in a romantic relationship would be a very big step for him, i could go on, but don’t worry about it anon!

no proofread wndnwnw

»»————-　♡　————-««

todoroki shouto

shouto as a lover is interesting. sure, you’ll argue like any normal couple— he’s not the best at understanding what’s wrong sometimes

and occasionally, you’ll have to shove it in his face for him to get the memo

his blunt words don’t help at all sometimes

but, you know one thing that shouto’s not? a cheater.

not even sugar coating it. he’ll never cheat. he loves you too much for him to even be thinking about other people

and i don’t think he’d stay and hurt someone’s feelings, if he felt like he shouldn’t be with them anymore

shouto’s popular, as to be expected. he’s the son of endeavor— who happens to be loaded, handsome, and also equipped with an amazing quirk

there’ll be a handful of people that’ll try to throw themselves at him.

as i’ve mentioned in the pick me girl post, shouto may be unaware about certain things, but as soon as he realizes what they’re trying to do

he won’t be nice, and that cold demeanor of his will come back in a snap. and, he’ll most likely try to leave right away.

like,, a girl could be half naked in front of him, but he wouldn’t even spare a glance at them. they’re not you, because they’re not hot. why does it matter? here’s an example :

random girl : “a man like you wouldn’t mind having a few extra lovers, right? there’s not harm”

shouto : 😐

shouto on the inside : ‘cooking some soba for Y/N would be delightful tonight, wouldn’t it? you should leave before it gets too late.’

he wouldn’t even say goodbye, the look on his face is enough to tell that he’s not at all interested in their advances

after all, you already make him feel complete and so loved🤠 shouto would rather slurp 3 pairs of jeans through a straw than ever think of cheating.

midoriya izuku

it’s not difficult for him to stay loyal either, i mean,, loyalty in a relationship is the bare minimum anyway

all he’s focused on is you, improving and honing his skills, and fulfilling his dreams.

heavens forbid anyone for thinking that he’d ever get with any other person that’s not you

he’s aware that over time, he’s been an unintentional chick magnet— and technically, he’s friendly with everyone excluding bakugou, sorta

but right away, he understands when someone’s trying to get with him

while he might’ve said they were just being friendly before, he recognizes the signs well— considering that he thought YOU were just being friendly

izuku’s not blushy and well,, a mess. he’s still polite, compared to the other two— but, you can tell that he’s losing interest in the conversation that’s rare

but, if a girl’s going to stand in front of him half naked, he’s going to get flustered at first because they’re NEARLY flashing him tf?

and if anyone accuses of him being disloyal, he’ll get offended but mostly sad, because the thought makes him feel utterly sick to the stomach.

oh, and he’ll always make sure to mention you and your existence.

here’s a short example of how he’d be loyal!

random girl : “your quirk’s awesome! our kids would be super powerful ;)”

izuku, knowing well that his kids wouldn’t be able to genetically inherit any quirk of his: “thanks! if Y/N wants to have kids, our kids will be raised well. i appreciate for the compliment!”

random girl : “no, i mean—”

izuku : “it was nice speaking to you :) gotta find my darling now.”

he’ll leave immediately, not even thinking about looking back to see their reaction. he needs to see you

and the first thing he’ll tell you when he sees you is what had just occurred. the feeling in his stomach disappearing when you lend him an attentive ear

shinsou hitoshi

ehh— compared to the other two, he wouldn’t notice right away.

he’ll assume that the people trying to snag him away are just being nice. because of his middle school days, friendliness is still something he’s trying to figure out.

he wouldn’t understand why someone would want to be with him since well,, man’s taken. no one would stoop that low to be a homewrecker

except for a few people, that had no sense of what was right or wrong. they just went for it regardless of his relationship status.

and when he realized what they were after, he’ll deadpan, absolutely uninterested.

compared to todoroki, hitoshi will simply tell them straight to their face that he’s taken, and he’ll just have to hope that they’d get it— and end the conversation in a nice away

but— if they don’t, he won’t hesitate on using his quirk this time. not to harm them of course, but to steer them away

example :

hitoshi : “i’m taken, and very happy with my relationship.”

random girl : “hmm,, but they don’t have to kno—”

and before the pursuer could even finish her sentence, they’re under his quirk, and he’ll demand that she forgets about the encounter, and that she’ll stay away.

because how dare they suggest that you wouldn’t be smart enough to find that out. their desperation makes hitoshi laugh

oh, and hitoshi will definitely shit talk them when he sees you again. he’ll even be so extra about it if he needs to

»»————-　♡　————-««

likes and reblogs are appreciated, thanks for reading!

i do not own bnha/mha and it’s characters. boku no hero academia/my hero academia belongs to horikoshi kohei, i only own the writing and i do not profit off of my hobby

do not plagiarize, reupload, translate, or use my works for audio readings without permission

[howdoyousleep3]

where’s that hc about bucky learning to touch 🤲

I was hoping someone would notice that tag and hit me up. Thank you, sweet pea. This one is special to me, one of many. ❤

Bucky doesn’t say much about what happened to him after the fall and before Steve was miraculously given a second chance at a life with him. Steve is thankful for that. The details he does know come from Bucky’s therapist and from files that have been scrounged up over time, ones Steve can’t stomach through, ones he hands to Natasha and asks only for the information she finds pertinent.

Steve is sure he’d die of a goddamn broken heart if he knew every detail of Bucky’s 70+ years of brainwashed torture.

What he needs to know about Bucky is constant and will never change: this is James Barnes, the one in the same Steve spent his entire life falling in love with, Steve loves him now more than ever, and he is going to live every day he’s gifted with in this life for Bucky.

There are things Steve expects after Bucky joins him and the others back at the Tower, things Bruce has helped him comprehend in such a volatile predicament.

“It could take months, years even, for him to come back to you in full. And honestly, Steve...I would be ready for the possibility of him not returning to you in full. This may not end up being the Bucky you knew and grew up with. He needs therapy, needs patience, needs reminders of his life before, of who he was and is. This won’t be easy, Steve.”

Anything for Bucky.

There are things Bucky took to right away and other things that took much longer for him to enjoy or remember. Steve is with him every step of the way.

Sleep was one thing that Steve thought would be a struggle. After only one month of sleeping on the floor in the corner of his bedroom, Steve able to hear him tossing and turning and breathing heavily through his own bedroom wall, it took one afternoon nap on the couch to make him want to move to his new bed. While nightmares continued, Bucky slept albeit in small increments and sometimes through the day, but he slept.

Steve thought that would take years.

Crowds were another story. Crowds came with trust and Bucky rightfully didn’t trust others easily. He barely trusted Steve at first. It took time to get him out of the apartment, baby steps, one step forward and two steps back. They started with walks at dawn, fewer people, gave a shot at stopping for coffee on the way home a few times.

“It’s a Venti here, Buck,” Steve had tried to explain and Bucky huffed. “Why are things so goddamn complicated now? Just want a coffee, a—”

“I know— a black coffee with too much sugar. I got it.”

They’re working on interactions with others and the anxiety that comes with crowds. That one will take time.

What hadn’t taken time, and what startled everyone in the tower beyond belief, was Bucky and affection.

Steve may not know much of what Bucky has spent most of his life enduring but he at least had the assumption that what Bucky went through shouldn’t make him want any kind of touch from another person. Steve wrongfully assumed that any sort of gentle or soft touch wasn't something Bucky would like.

Bucky had spent the past 70+ years walking this earth as a killer, a robot, a machine, an assassin. He surely spent decades thinking he wasn’t worthy of anything, let alone love. He had been touch-starved, void of the tenderness and closeness Steve knows Bucky deserved and craved underneath the brainwashed parts of him.

It took time for Bucky to remember who Steve was to him. While he had recognized him immediately, remembering him but not how, it took months for Bucky to remembered the capacity in which he did so.

And Steve waited.

And waited.

Steve was gifted with small moments along the way, on this journey of Bucky remembering both himself and who Steve was to him:

“You...you were real small once,” Bucky said, factual with no trace of a question, hands in soapy water as he handed Steve a plate to dry. Steve had merely hummed. “Yeah, was...was maybe half the size I am now. Real small.”

“Could fit both’a my hands right around your middle…”

It had been a long while since Steve blushed like that.

Bucky standing over Steve’s sleeping form, heaving chest visible by only the filtered moonlight, Steve mumbling out a, “Buck, wha—?” before Bucky whispered, “You...you’ve been inside of me.” Steve sat up.

“I have,” Steve breathed, on cautious ground, shakier when Bucky then whispered, “But you like it better when I’m inside’a you.”

When Steve had swallowed audibly, nodded his head wordlessly, Bucky had turned and left the room.

It took months of moments like those to compile together, to form the picture of what Steve once was, what he yearned to continue to be, to Bucky. All of these moments, these memories, came to a head so unpredictably during yet another movie night. Knees knocking, fingers brushing, small touches that Steve absolutely soaked in, had gotten used to, had relearned.

When a glance towards Bucky had the wind knocking its way out of Steve’s chest, the familiarity of that look a bone-deep ache—

Bucky was going to kiss him.

A look full of determination and want, lips parted, eyes a bit glassy. Steve didn't dare move, had let Bucky come to him for fear of scaring him away. The moment their lips touched was the moment Bucky started crying. It had only been a short brush of their lips but Steve barely breathed, barely moved. Bucky had pulled back with wide, wet eyes, shaky breaths. “Buck, it’s okay. It’s okay. Everything’s alright, sweetheart,” are the words that easily slipped from his mouth, unable to stop them in a moment of progress that satiated his entire being.

That was the moment that changed everything. It was a startle to everyone involved. Steve had been ready to wait years, this entire life, for the moment he could touch Bucky again, could show him that physicality he knew his Buck craved. After that night on the couch it was as if the floodgates had opened—

Bucky remembered and wanted.

Regardless of where they were or what was happening, he wanted to be touching Steve: soft kisses on the cheek and lips, laying his head in Steve’s lap as he read, lacing his fingers between Steve’s during meetings, an arm wrapped around Steve’s waist between bouts of sparring. He’d trace patterns onto Steve’s thigh as he watched Steve draw, press against the line of his back while he cooked dinner.

Steve was floating on a cloud, was in heaven, never happier. It was perfection.

But what Bucky wanted, Steve couldn’t provide, couldn’t meet. Steve was only one man, couldn’t provide Bucky, whom touch had been stolen away from for decades, with everything he wanted. And that was okay, something Steve accepted, because there were other people Bucky could turn to that Steve trusted.

“I’m sure you all know why I asked you to meet with me,” Steve started, choosing a time Bucky was napping to meet with the rest of the group that either lived in or frequented the Tower. “Bucky has shown us a new side of him, has made some progress I think it’s worth discussing with everyone, since we’re all...we’ve all been affected...”

“Uhh, yeah— your Barnes-y boy has been all over me lately. I’m almost offended that everyone else is here to talk to Cap though. Thought he was just comin' onto me.”

“I have to tell you, I didn’t...I know we talked, Steve. But I’m honestly shocked at Bucky’s progress. It’s baffling.”

“I haven’t minded it. He lets me braid his hair.”

“Wait— y’all are getting touches?”

It was a group effort, supporting Bucky in this way. It was an adjustment, Bucky never prompting and questioning before touching or requesting touches— he just went for it. He was quiet still, not shy, merely observant. And just like he nudged at and leaned against Steve until his hands were on him, he did the same to others.

“I just ask that you show Bucky grace during this time. It’s a delicate situation. I need to know if you don’t want his touch or don’t wish to give him any kind of touch. I think it would be best if it came from me instead of from you in the moment.”

Natasha was who Bucky went to for scratches. Steve thinks it’s the nails. Steve also thinks Nat is Bucky’s favorite to go to for touches, even over him, but Bucky refuses to admit it.

When Bucky wants mindless touches, when he wants tickles and scratches, he goes to her. She naturally took to Bucky’s need for touches, the first occurrence one that came without hesitation. She’ll braid his hair, let him turn his head right where he wants her head scratches, naturally reaches for his back or shoulders to run her nails across when he saddles in close to her.

Thor is one of Bucky’s favorites too. Steve isn’t sure if it’s because of his strength or because of his warm and accepting demeanor but Bucky gravitates towards Thor often, mainly for neck and shoulder rubs. One, “James, my friend. You musn’t be afraid of asking for touch with me. I will always be willing to assist,” and that was all Bucky needed to feel comfortable walking over to Thor and nudging at his hands.

He puts his head on Bruce’s shoulder as soon as he can, likes sparring and playing hide and seek with Clint, enjoys putting his feet in Sam’s lap. Tony took some warming up to, but even then Bucky spent many hours in Tony’s lab, Tony guiding his hands, showing him what to do and how to work different machines, the two of them tinkering on his own arm.

Bucky kinda turns into the Tower kitty cat, wandering around quietly, napping in the sun, snacking, demanding affection from anyone he crosses paths with and trusts.

Everyone had their form of touch they shared with Bucky and Bucky absolutely blossomed under this form of support. Steve is forever grateful to be surrounded by a group of understanding individuals.

And every night when he lifts the comforter and feels the solid line of Bucky’s warm form against his side, the arm that now easily and inevitably slips around his waist, the familiar lips that always press against his temple, shoulder, and cheek, Steve is reminded this day was for Bucky and that the one they’ll wake up to will also be for him.

"I love you, Buck."

"Mhmm love you too, pal."

Steve doesn't even mind that Bucky spends his nights snoring in the crook of his neck, hot breath wafting over Steve's skin, hands grabby even as he dreams—

This is heaven.

[buckyownsmylife]

It’s always shoot to kill - Bucky Barnes x Reader x Steve Rogers smut

The one where Steve wants to watch Bucky fucking you, knowing that he’ll never be able to do it again

Warnings: dubcon in double instance, neither the reader or Bucky are completely on board with this, p in v, oral sex (f), lots of pining from Bucky, jealousy and possessiveness from Steve, voyeurism, kind of cuckolding too

A/N: I’d like to thank the amazing @angrybirdcr​ for reading this and giving me suggestions to make the story better for y’all! I had the best time brainstorming with Marie and I’m so happy I get to call her a friend now! To see more of the dynamic between those three, check out the other one-shots I have about them!

Steve’s P.O.V.

“Take off all your clothes, I don’t want him undressing you.” She looked hesitant again, the pretty little flower. Kinda like that day, so many months ago, when I dragged Bucky to watch us fucking so he would stop pining for her.

It didn’t work. I still caught him looking at her with wishful eyes, whenever he thought I was too busy to notice. 

I always noticed it. I always did, because my mind, my heart and my gaze seemed to follow her, regardless of how important any of my royal tasks could be. A part of me was always with her, and that part didn’t like that James obviously felt for her the same way that I did.

So I devised a plan. If forcing him to watch me fuck her wasn’t enough, maybe I could let him do it once, just once. That way, maybe, his infatuation would disappear, but even if it didn’t, knowing what it was like to have her and never be able to do it again would certainly kill him inside.

“Now, pretend I’m not even here,” I said, letting myself fall back against the same chair my brother had occupied that night, so many months ago. There was something particularly interesting about being in this position, watching someone that gave me so much jealousy at last have his way with my woman.

It felt almost freeing, somehow. Seeing my worst nightmare play out, knowing I was in control of it. Knowing it was only happening because of me, and I could put an end to it at any time.

I watched as Bucky seemed to hesitate, like he didn’t know where to start, or didn’t actually believe he could reach out and touch her. She seemed just as hesitant, fidgeting under his stare as she fought against the instinct to cover her own body.

“Go on,” I directed, waving towards her. “Tell her how she looks. Do I really have to teach you how to treat a lady?” His jaw clenched at that, clearly offended at my insinuation. “You’ve been wondering what she hides under those dresses all this time. There she is. At least look at her properly.”

I watched as he slowly came to terms with the reality of the situation. His posture changed, he stood up straighter, and now the way he towered over my wife almost seemed threatening.

He started from her feet, eyes slowly traveling up, briefly stopping on her breasts before they reached her face. “You’re so beautiful.” Words so simple, I’d said them thousands of times before. But hearing them now, coming from another pair of lips, had me gripping the arms of my chair.

I didn’t like the way he looked at her. Like she was something precious, something breakable. I knew she wasn’t - I’d been rough with her before and all she ever did was cry out in ecstasy.

She nodded once, like she didn’t know how to respond, eyes unwilling to leave his when he reached out to hold her jaw, but then she averted her gaze in an almost embarrassed manner, suddenly remembering what to say. “Thank you. You’re too kind.”

It almost had me chuckling, if it weren’t for how his hand slowly dropped down, caressing the skin as it went. I watched as it ran over her collarbones before his finger rubbed on a nipple. I saw how she trembled but still tried to control her reactions.

He was hypnotized by then. I knew it, it was obvious by the darkness that had taken over his usually blue hues and the way he licked his lips before he leaned down and used them to engulf one of my wife’s nipples.

Instinctively, she offered her chest to him but tried to keep her gasp of surprise or desire in. Such a good little wife. My perfect queen.

She went willingly when he pushed her down on the bed, eyes burning with passion as he took in the image before him. “Did you ever think you’d have her spread out for you like that?” My voice resonated through the room, but instead of breaking him from his reverie, he didn’t seem to mind it at all. It was like all that mattered to him was her.

Still, he answered me. “No.” There was so much emotion in that simple word, so much hidden just underneath the surface, it had me readjusting myself in the chair, almost considering leaping across the room and prying him away from her.

But then he fell to his knees before her. “My queen,” he said, looking up from under his eyelashes. “Can I be so lucky as to taste you?” A pang of desire ran through my body as I watched her stutter out an acceptance.

And then he was between her thighs. I couldn’t see him through the barrier of her legs, but their sounds and movements told the story of what he was doing. Bringing pleasure to my love.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I didn’t know what to do. How should I behave? At the first touch of James’ tongue on my lower lips, a strangled gasp escaped me, and my hands flew up to find some sort of support on the sheets behind me. God, this was torture, even if I wasn’t the one who was being punished.

I almost closed my eyes to relish in the pleasure I was feeling. His touch was so different from Steve’s - softer and slower, even though there was desperation there.

But then I remembered what was actually happening and I snapped them open, turning my head to look at my husband’s watchful gaze. Unsurprisingly, I found him staring at us with those piercing eyes, his attention never wavering from James and me, but what was astounding was that he didn’t look angry or possessive.

Not at all. There was not an ounce of irritation in his beautiful features, just clear focus as he watched me unfold before his eyes, by the hands of his brother, that now roamed my body.

“Put her on top,” came his voice, clear as day and startling the man between my legs, who seemed to have forgotten about our audience. His head whipped up to see how I felt about my husband’s order, and that’s when I saw it.

His attentive blue eyes, usually so clear, had become dark as night. It was like he was a different person altogether. I could no longer recognize the sweet and caring man I’d once called my best friend…

… but then again, it’d been so long since I’d been close to him in any way.

“What are you waiting for?” My husband’s voice broke me out of my shock, but before I could fully recover, two strong hands had found a new resting spot on my hips as James easily manhandled me into a new position - on my hands and knees, over him.

The weight of his cock, fully erect against the inside of my thigh, sent a thrill through me that I had never anticipated feeling in his hands.

“Go on.” It was like he was waiting for the order because just as soon as Steve’s words disappeared in the air between us, he aligned his member and started to force me down on it. A gasp escaped me, and I had to hold myself against his chest to keep myself up.

Having James inside of me was a completely different experience than when Steve made love to me. Where Steve was long, James was thicker, stretching me in a way I’d never experienced before.

After the first plunge, it was clear that the man inside of me got carried away. He controlled my movements with iron fingers that pressed my flesh so tightly I was sure it’d be hurting for days after.

I could say the same about my insides. He didn’t show any mercy - in fact, I barely even recognized him and this animalistic side he was exposing as he fucked me, eyes keeping my own gaze captive as he grunted and panted underneath me like a man on a mission, if that mission was to ruin me.

“I want to hear you declare your love for her,” came Steve’s voice once again, breaking me out of whatever hypnosis James was performing. “Tell her everything. This is the only time you’ll be able to say how you really feel.”

The pain in his blue eyes was overwhelming. I felt tears rise up in my own eyes, threatening to spill and fall on his face, showing him just how confused I was about this entire situation.

Just who was Steve trying to hurt here?

“I-I’ve always wanted this. You have no idea just how much.” And in the way his voice cracked, I saw it. I saw just how badly he’d craved me, how hard he had tried to hold back from me.

“No one can ever come close to the space I’ve relinquished to you in my heart,” he said, barely over a whisper, and yet I felt like he shouted it at me, the way his hips rose growing quicker and rougher, and I bounced in his arms as he rammed into me. “And it will always be yours,” he assured me, prompting the tears to fall from my eyes, slowly trailing down my cheeks. “My heart will forever belong to you.”

I covered my hand as a sob almost escaped me, but maybe it was a moan, I couldn’t tell. All I knew was that he kept fucking up into me and I couldn’t hold it in much longer, couldn’t pretend I didn’t feel anything while my best friend was inside of me.

But when my moans broke free, my husband didn’t seem to mind. He actually leaned closer, resting his elbows on his thighs as he ordered, “She can get louder. Do it properly.”

And suddenly my world turned upside down because in a simple movement I was the one on the bed and James was hovering over me, never leaving my tight channel. His fingers found my nub, and he massaged it with an eagerness that showed me he wanted me to cum just as badly as I did.

“Cum for him, my queen. Show him how beautiful you are when you’re reaching your high.” It was Steve’s order that brought me to my release, my hands flying up to find a hold on James’ shoulder as I struggled to breathe or even think.

It felt like I was falling from the highest mountain without ever actually touching the ground. When I finally managed to focus again, it was through slowly realizing the way James’ cock was still dragging against my walls. 

I opened my eyes to find him with eyebrows furrowed and sweat sticking strands of his hair on his forehead, his arms trembling on each side of my head. He was desperately trying to hold on just a little longer, and that broke my heart.

I couldn’t close my eyes as he slowly but surely lost the battle against his body, hips quickening before they stopped altogether, and just before he pulled away, he whispered, “I love you,” giving me one last, chaste kiss on the lips.

I could still taste myself in them.

Steve’s stare was heavy on us as James slowly dressed. I wondered what was going on in my husband’s head. Did he think his plan had worked or had he realized it was a mistake all along?

It seemed like the King’s mind still hadn’t been made, as he stopped his brother just before he could leave. “Are you still in love with her?”

James let the question sit on each of our hearts and minds before he gave his answer. “Now more than ever.”

I couldn’t help but notice that he was still hard when my husband kicked him out of the room before turning around to see me, wrecked and dirty, all thanks to another man’s work.

“I hope you’re ready,” he warned, and I already knew I wasn’t. “I can’t wait to fuck his sloppy seconds.”

[halstudandruz]

Research Purposes ~ Part 2

*Not my gif*

Pairing: Jay x Reader

Requested: Yes

Prompt: What happens when the only person in the world you didn’t want finding out does?

Warnings: Swearing

A/N: Part one found here (NSFW, 18+)

A/N 2: Also thank you to @enchantedblackrose for the idea 😊

If you are not 18+ and are unable to read part 1 and want to back story just hit me up (:

“We’re so freaking late. There’s no way we’ll have time to stop for my car.” You rushed around Jay’s apartment, pouring coffee for both of you.

“And whose fault is that.” Jay looked at you accusingly.

“I was just trying to help the environment.” You shrugged, handing him his cup after checking the lid.

“You and I both know we wasted more water in there together than we would’ve showering on our own.” He retorted grabbing his badge and gun off the coffee table to secure them to his belt.

“Yeah okay so I wanted shower sex sue me.” You rolled your eyes shrugging your jacket on.

“I wasn’t the one complaining.” He smiled, taking a drink.

“We would’ve had more than enough time if you didn’t insist on cuddling this morning.” You pointed out, remembering how he pulled you back into his chest every time you tried to move out of bed a couple hours prior.

“You like shower sex. I like cuddling.” He teased handing you your purse.

“Maybe we can draft up an alternate schedule.” You joked.

“I do hear compromise is the key to a healthy relationship.” He replied.

“We gotta go if you don’t want to get pulled over for speeding.” You changed the subject reaching for the door knob, before being tugged back by your arm, turning in time for Jay’s lips to meet yours in a sweet, passionate kiss.

“To get us both through the day.” Jay winked reaching around you to open the door and usher you out.

This was the second time that week you and Jay would be showing up to work together. Nobody noticed it the first time, but your anxiety climbed at the thought of someone recognizing and approaching you about it. What would you say? You and Jay were only in it purely for the sex. Right? Regardless of that fact that you had stayed at his house almost every night the past couple weeks even without the promise of sex, or how your stuff was starting to accumulate at his house from the past few months. A few t-shirts mixed in with his, hair straightener resting on his bathroom organizer, makeup scattered about on the dresser. Friends with benefits, that’s all it was. Nothing more and you certainly were not gaining feelings for him. Absolutely not that was against the rules and you were not about to be some stereotypical fuck buddy turned feelings trope, but you were getting sloppy apparently. You agreed to enter through the front while Jay entered through the back. Skipping up the steps you threw a smile at Trudy offering her a good morning, but in return she stared you down, eyebrow raised as she rested against the desk.

“What?” You stopped in your tracks in front of her. But she stayed silent giving you a look, and you just knew she knew. She was Trudy Platt. She knew everything.

“You should tell him.” She whispered to you, and it’s not the first time she had said something of the sort recently.

“Tell who, what?” You continued to fake innocence as you had the times before.

“It’s going to end badly.” She pushed again.

“It already did end badly.” You reminded her before trudging upstairs feeling the heat of her stare still on your back. Everyone except Kim was already there, including Jay who had his feet kicked up on his desk looking through a file. You greeted everyone draping your coat over the back of your chair and falling into it.

The first hour ticked by slowly, and you found your eyes moving across the room to focus on Jay. Opened documents lay across your desk. He looked so relaxed, shoulders loose, breaths slow and even, head resting against his palm as he fought not to fall asleep. You knew he would rather be out chasing suspects, but deep down you were starting to register you were okay with paperwork days. It meant he was safe, and that thought scared you a little. The last time you had those same thoughts you were staring at a different man in the room. A man who sat not too far behind Jay, clicking his pen absentmindedly as he often did when he was bored.

“Ruz, I’ll break the damn pen.” Kevin grumbled, as he had many times before in response to the habit.

“Sorry.” Adam mumbled, setting the utensil onto his desk away from his fidgety hands.

You chuckled at the small exchange, experiencing the exact same one many times in the years you had been detailed in intelligence with the best people you could’ve ever asked to work with. That certainly didn’t mean it wasn’t complicated though, and you were the very obvious example of that. You watched Jay’s head bob catching himself before adjusting in order to keep himself awake. His eyes accidentally met yours, heart rate immediately increasing. He sent you a small smile as his eyes started to roam over your body. Looking for a distraction from the tedious work. You couldn’t scold him. It wasn’t like you hadn’t been doing the same thing the past 10 minutes. Looking at his arms that were tight against his sleeves you wondered if the scratch marks you left on his biceps this morning would still be prevalent, or if the fading hickey from nights prior was still noticeable on his hip bone.

“I need coffee. Anyone else?” You asked trying to divert the obvious eye fucking your were giving each other. Everyone in the room raising their hands. You laughed taking notice of all the tired eyes who so obviously wanted to bash their heads off the desk already bored out of their minds, just waiting for a case to jump off.

“I’ll help.” Jay offered, voice gruff from barely speaking all morning. Together you poured and distributed everyone cups. Sitting back down into your chair when Jay was handing Kev his.

“You gonna shave that thing anytime soon? You usually can’t stand it past a week.” Kevin asked Jay, referring to his beard. They had always teased him whenever he claimed it grew in patchy compared to Adam and Kevin’s and it usually resulted in him having a clean shaven face the next shift. But it had grown in quite nicely this time, and he made sure to keep it presentable by trimming it as needed.

“No, it’s starting to grow on me. I’m keeping it for research anyway. Seems it can enhance far more than just my facial features.” Jay shrugged casually sitting back down atin his chair, and at his words you choked on your coffee spitting it all over your desk. Uncontrollable coughs tickling your throat.

“You good [Y/L/N]?” Hailey asked standing up to help you.

“Yeah..sorry. Just.. went down the wrong pipe. Didn’t expect it to be so.. hot.” You explained between coughs looking across the room to glare at Jay who wore a cocky smirk on his face, flipping through papers not daring to look up at you.

“You forget your ice?” Adam asked, knowing you had put a couple cubes of ice in your coffee every morning cooling it down so you could drink it faster.

“I must’ve. Kinda out of it today.” You shook your head taking napkins out of your drawer to try to clean up the mess you had made on your desk as well as your white shirt.

“I’ll get you some.” He started to walk towards the break room.

“It’s really okay I spit most of it out anyway.” You laughed.

“I’ll just get you a new cup.” He reasoned and you just thanked him not feeling like bickering with him about it. He had been going out of his way to do nice things for you recently. You assumed either so you wouldn’t spill the beans about him and Upton or because he felt bad.

“There’s no way this is coming out..” You grumbled dabbing at the tan stain forming on your shirt, “Do you happen to have a spare?” You asked, turning towards Hailey.

“I’m sorry I don’t. I used my spare the other day after that shooting and haven’t brought another extra.” Hailey apologized. You waved her off thanking her anyway.

“There’s one in my locker.” Jay offered, “You’ll probably just have to tuck it in.” You thought for a moment, it probably wouldn’t look like a big deal. Just a friend helping out a friend.

“Okay. Thanks.” You nodded getting up to head to the locker room where Jay followed. “I know where your locker is.” You rolled your eyes.

“Yes, but you don’t know my combination nor are you very good at opening dial locks. Hence why you have a keypad one on yours.” Jay pointed out, spinning his combination. He was right. You could never open dial locks.

“Do you analyze everything I do?” You crossed your arms annoyed at how well he always seemed to know you.

“You’re an interesting person babe.” He smiled handing you the shirt as he kissed your forehead.

“Watch yourself. You don’t know who’s hiding in here.” You lectured, “this is your fault by the way.”

“I know. Total win-win situation.” Jay laughed, smiling brightly.

“You’re gonna be the death of me Jay Halstead.” You groaned, a small smile on your lips.

“What a way to go though, huh?” He quipped, giving you a quick kiss.

“Get out.” You pushed his chest.

“What? No free peep show? I offered you my shirt and everything.” He acted offended.

“They’re gonna start getting suspicious if we are in here any longer go.” He huffed at your reply giving in and leaving as you turned around to switch shirts. Jay’s scent immediately overwhelmed you as you slipped his shirt on. Causing your body to relax in turn at the familiar fragrance. Jay was right, you had to tuck the shirt into your jeans, otherwise it could’ve been a dress thanks to your large height difference. Turning to walk out of the locker room, you were met with Adam holding a new cup of coffee out to you making you jump at the unexpected body in your path. “Thank you.” You giggled taking it from his hand to take a drink.

“Did you change?” He asked, eyeing the shirt you now wore.

“Oh yeah. I had white on and it was gonna stain so Jay offered me his shirt.” You explained, shifting on your feet at the uncomfortable conversation.

“Well I have one. It might fit you better.” He offered moving to walk towards his locker, but you put a hand to his chest stopping him.

“I’m good this one is perfectly fine.” You reassured him, Adam stared at you, breaking the tense silence with a long sigh, leaning against the side of the lockers.

“Listen we never got to talk about that night you came to my apartment. I just wanted to say I’m really sorry you-“ He began to apologize when Kevin peeked his head in the door.

“Hey, I’m sorry to interrupt..” he looked between the two of you awkwardly, “but we just got a case.” Adam cleared his throat as you nodded,

“We can..finish this later.” You chewed on your lip pushing past him to grab your coat out of Kevin’s hand.

It was nearing 8 o’clock by the time Voight had given you guys permission to go home and get some sleep. Knowing you’d be returning bright and early in the morning to continue to case.

“What do you think about pizza tonight? I’ve been craving some Bartolis.” Jay asked walking down the stairs behind you.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.” You stopped turning to face him when you rounded the corner out of sight.

“Well I can just get pizza and I’ll stop for whatever else you want too.” He offered.

“I’m not talking about food, Jay.” You laughed, looking at the ground. Your mind had been racing since showing up with Jay this morning.

“Then..what are you talking about?” He asked, stepping closer towards you.

“I mean I don’t know I’ve been at your place almost every night the last couple weeks.” You whispered, hoping your voice wouldn’t carry to anyone nearby.

“Well we can go to your place. That’s fine.” He reasoned.

“No that’s not..” You sighed not able to find the words.

“Hey, just talk to me. What’s up.” He encouraged hands falling to your hips holding you gently.

“I’m just worried we’re starting to get careless. Showing up to work twice in one week together. One of these days we’re bound to get caught either coming in together or showing up on scene together. We don’t even know what this is. I don’t want to have to talk to Voight about it in the meantime.” You explained.

“We can be more careful. I promise. I just don’t want you to freak out about this.” He assured you tucking your hair behind your ear. “Can we just address how good you look in my shirt. I’m so glad you’re such a klutz..” Jay’s eyes roamed up and down your body.

“I am not a klutz! How did you expect me to react?” You crossed your arms, glaring at him as you did a few hours prior.

“Well is it not the truth? This thing is still on my face purely for your satisfaction.” He reminded you by trailing his lips down your neck, immediately summoning goosebumps from the raggedness tickling in the wake of his lips. He winked knowing his point was proven, moving up to place a soft kiss on your lips. “Sooo pizza?” He asked, pulling back, hopeful look on his face.

“Fine, but I’m not going in to get it.” You rolled your eyes, a bright smile on your face when he wrapped an arm around your shoulders pulling you towards his truck but when you rounded the corner your eyes connected with Adam’s who stood near the door, eyes wide between you two as Jay let his arm fall to his side, your feet rooted to the floor.

“I forgot my wallet in my locker.” Adam explained stammering over his words.

“Well don’t let us keep you. See you tomorrow brother.” Jay remained calm grabbing your arm to pull you out. Patting Adam on the shoulder when you passed.

“Shit!” You cursed when you reached Jay’s truck.

“What?” He questioned and you looked at him dumbfounded.

“You’re fucking kidding me right?” You scoffed.

“He’s not gonna tell Voight. For starters it’s Adam. Plus we know about him and Hailey. He can’t.” He shrugged.

“That’s not what I’m worried about!” You yelled.

“You just said that’s what you were worried about.” Jay reminded you, trying to catch up. “Babe.” He urged when you didn’t answer him.

“You don’t get it Jay!” You shook your head, lump forming in your throat at the anxiety the situation presented.

“No, you’re right I don’t. I’m sorry. Help me understand.” He grabbed a hold of your hand trying to get you to face him.

“Not right now.” You chewed your lip feeling a few tears fall down your cheeks, quickly swiping them away before they were seen, but you knew Jay would know regardless. You were tired, hungry, and now slightly panicking at the thought of having to address the entire situation. His hand squeezed yours tighter before starting his truck putting it in drive.

All Tag List:

@corebore123 @scarletsoldierrr @hehurst23 @beautiful-bunny89 @ingie @halsteadsway @malrunaway @grettiwrites @inlovewith3

Jay Taglist:

@jayxhalsteadx @life-treatments @weepingfestivalmentality @toomuchtv95 @queen-of-arda

[talkfantasytome]

'Twas Never Meant to Be - An Opinion

I have a lot of thoughts about this, and really need to get them out. So, let's talk about Elain and Azriel.

First off, I want to warn you, this post is a beast. Like, over 7.5k words beast. It just kept going. I'm sorry, but I didn't know what to take out and, honestly, I didn't want to spend a lot of time heavily editing it. Tread knowingly. I will not be offended if anyone chooses not to read it, or not to read it all.

Secondly, I want to say that this post is not meant to be a pro-Gwynriel or pro-Elucian post. Regardless of my personal ships, I want to explain why I, personally, do not believe Elain and Azriel would be right for each other. And these reasonings go far beyond "because I'd prefer them with someone else". In fact, these beliefs and feelings are first and foremost in my mind when considering all three of these ships, and any feelings I may or may not have on other ships are always second to my belief that they would not be right together. I will do my best to keep Gwyn and Lucien out of the comparison, unless using them as a way to point to something that would be wrong between Elain and Azriel - versus stating any reason why the other would be right.

The first two reasons I will share are ones I have been holding on to for quite a while, and have only become stronger with more content (Silver Flames). I have, personally, not seen much around these two thoughts, but recognize that they may be out there already, as there is no new thought under the sun. So, here goes:

Step Away From the Characters

Honestly, my first reason really has nothing to do with the characters themselves at all, but it's something I can't get out of my head. It's a personal thing, I know, as everyone might see it differently, but I can't help but feel like the three brothers ending up with the three sisters would be too perfect, too convenient.

I know that it's a shit argument when talking about an SJM book, and the more I read about the series, and the more books that come out within it, the more I recognize this. It makes me sad. But personally, I can't get behind this storyline, this ending that is so perfect it makes my skin crawl. It's not how life works, and it doesn't really make sense. If it were three adoptive sisters, as the bat boys are, it would actually make more sense, because it would stand to reason that you would have a two groups that mirror each other. That one girl who mirrored Rhys, let's say, then befriended to the point of sisterhood ones that mirrored the boys that Rhys befriended to the point of brotherhood. But Nesta, Elain, and Feyre are sisters by blood, not by choice, and so it isn't an automatic that they would be that reflection to the boys. And even though the boys lived together, and weren't fully brought together by choice as much as Mrs. Rhys's mother, they still chose to stay together and be brothers.

We have never, not fully, seen the Archerons make those same choices. These boys live together (or used to), work together, truly share their lives. The Archerons don't. The girls were disconnected before becoming Fae, and they are still disconnected after it. You see it more clearly with Nesta, of course, trying to stay away from the group, stay separate. But you see it with Feyre and Elain too. You see how Elain practically gives up on Nesta, and how Feyre discredits and dismisses Elain as anything more than just a kind soul who likes to garden. You can't, for two seconds, convince me that the Archerons have as similar or as bonded relationships to each other as the bat boys, and that alone tells us that we should not expect them to mirror the boys.

I would also like to note, looking back at the characters for a second, that it has been observed by others how Feyre and Nesta do seem to have similar energies a lot. On top of that, you could argue that Nesta mirrors all three bat boys in one way or another. It's one theory as to why she and Rhys struggle so much with each other, because they're too similar. And, you can't convince me that Az and Nesta don't share a bond because of their own similarities. Nesta's fire was cold as ice. Rhys once observed Azriels rage as an 'icy rage'. I don't think I need to mention how Nesta mirrors Cassian, but it's there too. So, the fact that she would be the sister who ended up with a mate from the Night Court, one of these three brothers, just made a lot of sense. But Elain, who is so different from her sisters, she doesn't have that same energy. It's not a bad thing, but it helps make sense why she would be the one with a mate from outside this Court.

Beyond this, however, I still struggle with the three and three come together concept. And that's coming from someone who actually has, within her family, a story of two brothers marrying two sisters - my great grandparents (or great great, I can never remember). So, I know stuff like this does happen, though admittedly my only experience is with two and two, and naturally I do believe that the likelihood of the full group being with the full other group goes down with each additional number. Regardless of that, though, it is an author's job to tell a story that we can connect to, and having such convenient and perfect endings makes it difficult to do just that. Because life isn't like that.

So I struggle with the concept of this. Like I said, the more I get to know these books, this series, the more I understand that this is not a great argument for why Elain and Azriel aren't endgame considering how other things have played out, but I still think it's a good argument for why they shouldn't be. However, I would also say that the argument that they will end up together because it's three brothers and three sisters is completely off base and illogical, for reasons I've mentioned above. What is the purpose of that? How does that drive the plot and the story and world? How does it connect us to them better? It doesn't. All it does is be just a convenient little bow that has no true purpose, unless there is true purpose as to why each sister ended up with each brother. And I don't really see a purpose as to why Elain would end up with Az except that they're both the last sibling, and that they currently like each other. But that doesn't mean they're right for each other, and I don't see how them being together will spur the story and the world forward the way Feyre and Rhys did, and the way Nesta and Cassian can and/or will.

As someone who dabbles in writing, I have thought about these types of things, and I'm always adjusting plans and thoughts when I realize I've gone into that too perfect la la land, and I'd like to believe that all writers do that. SJM has had some convenient endings, but I will say I've not yet felt like any ending was just too perfect. The closest was, of course, ACOWAR. But even then, you still had threads, misunderstandings, questions, and things you weren't happy about. Yes, the ending felt a bit perfect, but we still lost the Bone Carver, Mr. Archeron, the Suriel, etc. There were still things that made it less than completely perfect. And much of what was done in the ending did move this story forward, and provide the opening for what we are now getting. And, in the same vein, I like to think that SJM would recognize how this would be too much. But, I don't hold out a lot of hope on this reasoning alone, it's really just something I had to get off my chest.

Share Life With Me

This next point is huge for me, in my mind. Again, it is based off of my own personal opinions of some characters, as well, so I do understand that some people may not agree with this argument. That's fine, but you will not sway me.

It all comes down to one thing. What does Az want?

In the Az POV chapter we are finally told, out right, that he does want Elain. But, my question - does he really?

I have been thinking about this since long before Silver Flames, since we all knew Az had a crush, but it wasn't as cemented until Silver Flames came out, and we saw how Nesta and Cassian would develop as a couple. Because, and here's the kicker, I don't believe Az actually wants Elain.

Yes, you read that right. I know he thinks he wants Elain. I know he believes she's kind and beautiful. And I recognize that there was a sexual tension there - I'm not blind. But I don't believe that Elain is the end goal Azriel is actually looking for.

I believe that she is a representation of that end goal.

This mostly comes down to his conversation with Rhys, his belief about the Cauldron:

"The Cauldron chose three sisters. Tell me how it's possible that my two brothers are with two of those sisters, yet the third was given to another." He had never before dared speak the words aloud.

Okay, first - Az, please see point above. Also, I can't help but feel like SJM put that in here almost to show that this isn't actually a valid argument.

Second, let's dissect that argument for a moment. Now, perhaps Az is just trying to find what he considers a more 'objective' reason for why Elain should be his, why they should be together. However, if that were the case, then why would he have never dared speak those words aloud? Most likely because he knows it's not a solid argument, and logical Az knows this. But this is 2 AM, you just stopped me from kissing the girl I fancy Az, and he definitely is not being his most logical self.

It's also not a logical or good argument because of one simple word. Given. "…the third was given to another." Az, you're better than this. I truly want to believe you're better than this. I understand that the mating bond is weird, and inherently at least slightly sexist, but that doesn't give any male the right to really look at it that way. Especially when you consider the explanation that the mating bond will be present between two perfect equals. This is seen in ACOMAF when Feyre can't believe Rhys would be her mate, because that's what it would mean, that she's his equal. This also paints Elain as an object, which, no matter what anyone's feelings are toward the character, is not okay. She is a person. A fictional one, but still a person, she cannot be given unless she chooses to give herself. The Cauldron simply dictated who it believes is best for her, and vice versa. I'm not saying the Cauldron was right, or that she and Lucien would be good together, but that's what the mating bond is. To argue that the Cauldron was wrong because two brothers got two of the sisters, but the third was given to another is inherently wrong, because Elain cannot be given away.

It also shows that maybe Az really isn't truly seeing Elain for who she is, if he is thinking of it this way. I do believe that Az is a feminist, or, at least, more of a feminist than most of the males in Prythian (which, sadly, doesn't seem to be saying much). So I don't believe this is a comment based on a sexism in Az we haven't seen yet, I truly don't. I believe that it is a comment made by someone whose judgement is clouded, and who is, as I stated earlier, using Elain as a representation of what he's really looking for. He seems to idolize her, put her on a pedestal, believe that she is all light, all good. (Az, please see my previous post on that little nugget.) He objectifies her not because he truly believes she is an object, but because she has become a symbol in his mind - she is not the person Elain to him. She is the one he should have, the one who will bring him what he wants. Note I didn't say the one he wants. Whenever a person puts another on a pedestal the way Az has with Elain, whenever someone idolizes them, or believes that said person will fix all of their woes, they are subconsciously objectifying them. That being is no longer seen as a true person, with all the flaws and struggles and ugly parts. They are something else. And those types of feelings about another person never end in a good relationship, because at least one side is always expecting too much from the other, and they rarely learn to cope with what they didn't expect. And, for the record, you should never really be 'coping' with your partners flaws, but that's a conversation for another day.

Beyond being not a truly logical argument, and showing us how Azriel has actually objectified Elain in his mind, I also believe this statement gives us insight into what Az actually wants. He could have said a number of things to express a belief (or desire) that the Cauldron was wrong. He could have talked about his feelings for Elain. About how he thinks their personalities are too compatible for them to not be rightfully mates. Pretty much, he could have said something about Elain, and how they are right together because of who they are.

But he didn't.

Instead, Az brought up his two brothers and their mates. How they each got one, so surely the third should be his. And why did he do this? Again, maybe 2 AM Az who had lost his logic just thought this was an objective reason. But I think there's more to it than that. I think he brought up those other relationships as a way to point toward what it is he really wants. Because that's what's on his mind. It's not that Elain is perfect for him, that she is everything he could have ever hoped for in a female. It's that she is the sister of his brother's two mates, and he wants what his brothers have. So, clearly, that must mean that it's Elain who can give him that.

Again, Az, please read my first point. Because that's not a guarantee just because they're related.

Now, I imagine most people are saying, "Well, duh. We all know he wants what they have. He said so earlier on in the chapter." And he did:

Azriel couldn't stop it. The envy in his chest. Of Cassian, and Rhys.

So, it's not new. But, this argument he provided highlights that so specifically. He wants what his brothers have. Not a mate, per se. No. What they have.

But, wait, a mate is what they have. What are you saying?

Yes, a mate is what each of them have. But, as we know, not all mates are perfect for each other. Rhys and Feyre, and Cassian and Nesta are both examples of how right the mating bond can be. But, let's instead look at what they both have, in points, instead of just saying they have a mate. Here are, from my interpretation, the main common aspects of these two relationships:

Love. Sure, Nesta and Cassian hadn't said it yet. But, yes, they love each other, they're just both stubborn and scared and maybe not ready to say it.

Heavy sexual attraction and chemistry. This may not always be the most important piece of a relationship, but it's blatant in both of theirs, and it's clear that Az wants that as well. Which is fair.

Friendship. It's hard to see it at times, because these books are so much about the romance, but I do believe that both couples are truly friends who like to spend time together. Who can have fun together. We don't get to see this enough - and I do wish we saw more of it - but it is there. It's there when Cassian throws his head back laughing at something Nesta said. Or when Rhys is thrilled when sassy Feyre appears. And yes, it is in part the mating bond, making them want to be near each other, but they still enjoy that time together. Mates who aren't right for each other wouldn't.

True partners. In these two relationships, they are more than just each other's mate, lover, friend. They are and/or are becoming partners. In their relationships, Rhys and Cass have found a female who they can share their lives with. Completely and fully. In Feyre, Rhys has found a High Lady, a female who is his true equal, who can rule the Court with him. They work together, plan together. And Rhys can come home at night and tell her everything about his day. In Nesta, Cass has found someone who, I believe, will grow to command with him. Likely female units, but she is still mirroring Cass in that way. She may not become his true equal in terms of being Commander of the Night Court, but she would still be his partner. He will still be able to strategize with her, the two working together to determine where each unit will go. He will command the Illyrians, and by his side she will command the Valkyries. And he can come home, at the end of the day, and tell her everything about his day.

It's this last piece that I want to really dig into, because that is what separates Rhys and Cassian's relationships from others we have seen, in my opinion, and thus that is what Az wants. It's not just a mate, he wants what his brothers have, a true partner who he can fully share his life with. Because that is what makes their relationships so special.

And, in the end, I do not believe Elain can be that for him.

I am not trying to discredit Elain, or say that she is simple, or that she can't do anything but garden and be a housewife. No. That is not my point. I do think, however, that what it would entail to be a true partner to Az is something she does not want to do. And that is okay! It is okay for her to want to garden and bake. It's okay to not wish to be involved in all of the plotting and planning and little missions and quests that the Inner Circle does. It's okay to not want to train. To be happy as you are.

But she can't do both. She can't be a true partner to Azriel and remain as she is. Now, perhaps she does want more, and I have misread her. It's possible, I am not infallible. However, she hasn't ever truly shown us anything that tells me otherwise. And, no, I don't believe her offering to find the Dread Trove in Silver Flames counts as I don't believe she offered to do so out of the goodness of her heart or because she wanted to do it. I believe she wanted to prove Nesta wrong. (Again, you can see this in my previous post.) So, to be a true partner to Azriel, she may have to change everything that she is. And that's not fair to her.

And, even if I am way off on a lot of this. Even if she does want to do more for the Night Court. There is one thing that we have learned about Elain:

She does not wish to fight, she does not wish to train.

I'm sorry, you can't convince me otherwise. Not when she has had ample opportunity to do so in the year, year and a half since Hybern, and still hasn't. It was different with Nesta, who was dealing with a lot of other things, but Elain has been, for the most part, fairly healthy. Her not training is her choice because of who she is.

Again, this is okay! I am not insulting Elain for this, not at all. I get it. I don't particularly love working out - the main exercise I get is from rock climbing twice a week, that's it. So I get it. However, you cannot work with Azriel and not be trained, not know how to fight. Even if Elain could be silent, or infiltrate courts easily, and learn secrets, you need those skills, even if it's just a fallback to ensure you can escape should something go wrong. But it also helps to understand these types of things, to understand battle and politics and everything else. It's not about whether she can do this, it's about whether she wants to do this, and I'm not sure she does. So she would either have to change who she is, and be unhappy to become Az's partner, or she wouldn't be able to be that. And, admittedly, if she were unhappy, he still wouldn't have what his brothers have.

However, on top of that, I also don't know if Azriel would let Elain be his true partner. Think about when they're at dinner, talking about how Nesta needs to scry, and how they'll have to rely on Elain if she doesn't - what Azriel says.

“There is an innate darkness to the Dread Trove that Elain should not be exposed to.”

Sidebar - I've not seen anyone talk about how Cassian was absolutely in the right for defending Nesta. So I did. You can see my soap box here.

Now, back to the point. This is one example of how Az is constantly trying to protect Elain from, well, kinda everything. So, even if Elain did want to do all of those things, would Az even be okay with it? He obviously can't stop her from training or anything like that - and if he tries should she ever want to, he's dead to me. But, would he really share his life with her? Tell her about those 'unspeakable things that sullied his hands far beyond their scars'? I don't believe he would. I don't believe he could truly handle her working with him because, again, he has put her on this pedestal of beauty and grace and goodness (that she may not have). And the things he does are not good, at least not by his standards. He wouldn't be able to truly include her until he started to look at her as her own person again, which I also don't see happening. And, even then, he still wouldn't want to share with her all he'd done, believing her likely to judge those things, to be too pure to even hear about them. Regardless of whether that is true or not about Elain, it would hinder him from being able to have a true partner in her. When Azriel comes home at night, he would not tell her everything about his day.

Love Yourself, Az

This, I know for a fact, is not a new revelation. I have seen a lot about this, and have seen some posts that even helped me along with this as well, but I can't not address Az's shadows. I would link to the first post I saw about this but, admittedly, I can't find it. So, just know, I'm not the only one thinking this, and I recognize that some of this may come off as similar to others, but I couldn't not talk about this because it just feels so important.

Elain sucked in a soft breath that whispered over his skin. His shadows skittered back at the sound. They'd always been prone to vanish when she was around.

It wasn't until the Azriel POV chapter that I fully understood what lay behind the fact that Az's shadows would retreat around Elain, when we get a direct comparison to how they react to Gwyn's breath:

"How was the party?" Her breath curled in front of her mouth, and one of his shadows darted out to dance with it before twirling back to him. Like it heard some silent music.

Before this, I didn't realize how bad a sign it is, for his shadows to retreat. I just thought they did that when he was around someone he was attracted to, almost as a sense that the other person lightened him up. But, with this comparison, and in general what we see from Az when around Elain, I see just how wrong I was. His shadows hiding isn't a sign of him lightening up - no, it's a sign of him retreating more into himself, trying to be something that he isn't around that person, in the hopes that they'll accept him if he is.

In the end, it's toxic.

He can't be who he truly is around Elain. That's not something that will lead to a healthy, happy relationship. He may have the girl he thinks he wants, but he won't have the relationship we all know he is desperate for. Whereas, around Gwyn, we see his shadows reach out to another person, jump out, dance with her breath, sing to her. He is able to fully embrace who he is around her. He will be able to be himself with her, love himself with her. And whether or not Gwyn is the right person to him, what this tells us is that Elain can't be that person. That she, like Mor, would be toxic to Az.

On top of that, I can't not point out the word usage here.

While I did observe this on my own, I am not the first to point it out - pagesofmoonlight talks about this in detail, about the usage of the term 'skittered' in regards to how the shadows retreat from Elain. It's not just a general hiding, or even a 'lightening' of Az, as I once thought. It's a gut reaction to her, her breath. They run from her. When I read that word, I literally picture a wave of something, and the shadows seeing it and running from it in fear.

Similarly, in comparison, with Gwyn's breath, the shadows 'darted' out to it. That, also, is not just a general they reached out to it for warmth or contact. Now, they darted - that is a very quick move, often done with a need or desire to get to where you're going as quickly as possible. The shadows needed or wanted to be with that breath, so they darted to it.

Like I said, this post isn't meant to be promoting one ship over Elain and Azriel. But what Gwyn provides here is a comparison, is a sign of what could and should be, whether with her or another person. Even if she isn't endgame, she shows us this problem between Elain and Azriel.

Home is Where You Shine

This entire post, which has become MASSIVE, has been very focused on Azriel, and why Elain is not right for him. But I want to touch on a reason why Az isn't right for Elain.

Azriel is a part of the Night Court. It is his home. It is where he belongs. He fits here, it is right for him. He can and does fine here. I don't think anyone can deny this. But Elain - she does not.

First, let's look at when Nesta is in the Spring Court.

Nesta’s throat constricted, and she surveyed the swaying cherry blossoms overhead. Elain would love this place. So many flowers, all in bloom, so much green—the light, vibrant green of new grass—so many birds singing and such warm, buttery sunshine. Nesta felt like a storm cloud standing amid it all. But Elain … The Spring Court had been made for someone like her.

I'm not saying Elain will end up in the Spring Court, but I do believe it is telling that Nesta would think about another court this way. We've not, to my recollection, really ever seen another character think about how well someone would fit in a different court. Feyre did, if I remember correctly, mention enjoying other courts at times, thinking they were beautiful, but never did she think about how right someone within her court would be in a different court. Because no one else in the Inner Circle would fit so well in another court. For whatever reason it is, everyone else is perfectly suited for the Night Court, and they can handle it.

It takes a lot to be a part of the Night Court. The masks they all wear, the reputation they have, the responsibilities that fall on their shoulders. It's not an insult or an attack on any character to say that they may not fit there, that they may be more in tune with the beauty of Spring, the warmth of Summer, the light of Day. And Elain, who is gentle and kind and not one to pretend to be what she isn't - likely because she's never felt the need to - I can understand how it would be hard.

Secondly, and I know it's a point of contention, and a well-discussed piece of Silver Flames, but I do want to talk about the Solstice Ball, and Cassian's observations.

Elain in black was ridiculous. Yes, she was beautiful, but the color of her long-sleeved, modest gown leeched the brightness from her face. It wore her, rather than the other way around. And he knew the cruelty of the Hewn City troubled her. But she hadn’t hesitated to come. When Feyre had offered to let her remain home, Elain had squared her shoulders and declared that she was a part of this court—and would do whatever was needed. So Elain had let her golden-brown hair down tonight, and pinned it back with twin combs of pearl. He’d never once in the two years he’d known her found Elain to be plain, but wearing black, no matter how much she claimed to be part of this court … It sucked the life from her.

I will try not to go too far into the information about Elain in the black dress, as it's been discussed a lot from both sides, though I do think it is telling, because Cassian isn't just saying it's the one dress. It's very specific about how Elainin black was ridiculous, not that dress. It may seem shallow, but in the end, black is a crucial color in the Night Court, and that type of symbolism is often used to depict things just like this. It would not be the first time, and it certainly won't be the last that a writer uses color this way. However, I have seen a number of posts about this, on both sides, and I do understand both arguments, even if I disagree with one because I don't think it's meant to just be a skewed POV.

I would like to note, however, that the main argument I've seen is that there was once another time Elain was described in a dress that did little to complement her, but it's a very different description. That other time, it's mentioned specifically that the dress and color/shade of the dress did little to complement her 'sallow skin'. First of all, this is specifically discussing how the color didn't work with her skin, not how the color 'drained the life out of her'. Secondly, I would say it is very important to note that 'sallow' means "of a sickly, yellowish or lightish brown color". It is not discussing her skin as it typically is, but how it is when she was in the midst of her own depression after becoming High Fae. It's not that the dress didn't complement her, it's just that it didn't help make her skin look better than the sickly state it was currently in. Whereas, in this reflection, Elain is healthy, and still the black is draining her. Not the dress, not the shade - black. Point blank.

It's also important to recognize that this isn't meant to insult Elain, I believe it is a symbol of how she doesn't shine in the Night Court, how this court could potentially 'suck the life out of her'. Yes, it's just a dress. Yes, there's a chance they wanted her to look plain, but I don't believe that.

They were always going to have Nesta dance with Eris, and they all knew that, despite Elain's beauty, and no matter how lovely she looked, Eris would gravitate to Nesta. He'd already shown interest in her, he'd already become intrigued. He looked at Elain first, I believe, to get a look at his brother's mate. Because he wasn't looking at Elain with interest. No, it was an 'assessing gaze'. There was no reason to make Elain look plain. In fact, there was every reason to make sure she looked just as beautiful as Nesta. Think about what Cassian said just before this:

Both sisters wore black. Both walked behind Rhys and Feyre, a silent indicator that they were a part of the royal family. Had mighty powers of their own. They’d planned it that way, wanting Eris to see for himself how valuable Nesta was.

Why would they want her to look plain, considering this? They wanted Nesta and Elain to walk in the procession behind Feyre and Rhys, as a sign, a symbol. Yes, they wanted Eris to see and understand how valuable Nesta was, as it is said, but they didn't want Elain to look any less valuable. First, doing so would have made Nesta look less valuable by comparison. But, on top of that, I highly doubt they had any fears that Eris would prefer Elain - if they believed Eris about Lucien, then I think they'd believe that Eris wouldn't wish to take away his brother's mate. In fact, I imagine Eris would more likely help Lucien with Elain - but, that just be my Eris stan status coming out.

What is clear is that it was purposeful that they put both Nesta and Elain in black, as a symbol that they are a part of this family. My guess is that they found a dress for Elain that did her the most justice, and that she was comfortable wearing but, in the end, black just doesn't work on her. And is that fact not telling when that is the color of the family?

While this was in draft mode, I also found this post from yazthebookish, who goes deeper into this, and how it wasn't just Cassian who observed how ridiculous Nesta looked in black. So, for those who want to talk about how it is a skewed perspective, there were actually three that made this observation, and I absolutely agree that SJM wouldn't shove this in there solely to say that they purposefully tried to make sure Nesta outshone Elain. As they pointed out, Nesta is gorgeous in her own right. Cassian met her and Elain together, and he was instantly drawn to Nesta. As I mentioned earlier, Eris has been intrigued by her since long before this - see the High Lords meeting in ACOWAR. Helion would gladly get into her leathers, and while I'm aware that's not saying much, his focus on her is slightly higher than you see it on others he would also slide into bed with. She doesn't need Elain to dull herself down to shine.

I also think the one observation about how the black 'wore her' matters. It makes me wonder more about this court, both the general Night Court, and the people in the Inner Circle. Is the court wearing her? Is it sucking the life out of her? Is this why we don't see as much spine from Elain? We got some in this book, but it was all in an attempt to prove she belongs to this court. Something she feels the need to do, as we see in Cassian's reflection:

When Feyre had offered to let her remain home, Elain had squared her shoulders and declared that she was a part of this court—and would do whatever was needed.

…but wearing black, no matter how much she claimed to be part of this court … It sucked the life from her.

First of all, just quickly, I want to mention the ellipses before it says 'it sucked the life from her', and what came right before that. Is Cassian talking about the black? Or is he talking about being a part of this court? I don't have the answer, just food for thought.

I can't help but notice that Elain seems to feel the need to constantly prove, declare, and claim that she is part of this court. She has to push her way through, and while I know it's in part because so many people try to protect her, I think it's more than that. I believe Elain wants to be a part of the Night Court, but in the end it's not suited to her, and so she has to force her way in, when even Nesta, who everyone has been so displeased with, manages to fall in much easier. It's not because they don't like Elain, that's obvious. I believe it's because, in the end, they all see it.

It reminds me a lot of Tywin Lannister's quote from GoT (TV series, I won't read the books until George RR Martin finishes them):

Any man who must say, "I am the King", is no true king.

Could you not adjust this to: "Any person who must say, 'I am part of this court', is not truly part of this court."

I don't think Nesta has once said that. Feyre, maybe, but not in the same way as much as in letting certain people outside the court know. But, to have to say that within the court - it signifies that either you, yourself, don't believe yourself part of the court, or that maybe you aren't truly. Or that you are, but you recognize that maybe it's not the right fit, even if you really want it to be.

In the end, while I don't think Elain can't fit or find a nice life in the Night Court, the final point is that she doesn't shine in the Night Court. And that's not the same as saying she fully doesn't belong. But, shouldn't home be a place where you shine? Where you can be everything you are, and it is absolutely right? Isn't that what Nesta found in Silver Flames, in the House, with Cassian, and Gwyn, and Emerie,…and the House? She didn't have to be anything other than who she was, with any of them, and she still found a place that not only provided her comfort, but where she could truly shine. And she's found it in the Night Court, as well.

Elain hasn't. And maybe that's just because we haven't seen her story play out yet. I'm not so stuck up to believe there's no way I could be wrong. In fact, what bugs me the most about a lot of posts around these different beliefs is the use of 'when' instead of 'if', because no one wants to admit that, at this point in time, no matter what side you're on, it very much is an 'if'. None of us know what SJM has planned. All we can do is use the information we've been given to make as educated a guess as possible. This is mine, and SJM may prove me completely wrong, and that's okay. She may end up giving Elain a more similar arc to Nesta, and show how she develops and grows into someone who flourishes in the Night Court with Az by her side, and should she do that, I hope it's in a way I can understand and not something poorly developed and difficult to grasp.

A Mate is A Mate is A Mate

I won't talk too much about how she and Azriel aren't mates and how that automatically means they couldn't work. It could, in concept. I won't address the theories about her ending up with multiple mates. I do not agree with these theories, as they conflict with the canon we have. Until SJM puts out canon information that can explain a contradiction to what we've been given, any theory that truly contradicts the canon provided I will not consider, whether I like it or not. Multiple mates is not a thing. Being able to sever the mating bond so that someone can have a new mate is not a thing. I do recognize that females can reject the mating bond, and I am not saying whether or not I think Elain should or shouldn't do this with Lucien. Nor am I saying that having a story where someone does reject the mating bond to see how that plays out wouldn't be great.

I will point out, however, that it is often discussed as a thing females do. Females reject the mating bond. Males who have a female that rejected the mating bond grow incredibly uncomfortable, and they truly struggle.

...there will always be a ... tug. For the females, it is usually easier to ignore, but the males ... It can drive them mad.

I'm not going to include all the stuff about males thinking their mate belongs to them. Grow up, Prythian. Get with the program. But, considering this, considering the other pieces we get, I do not know if a male can be with another person, truly, in a loving relationship if he has a mate. Maybe one day, years and years and years after the rejection. Or maybe, if his mate doesn't fit his preferences - if that is a thing (and honestly, we don't yet know the status of same-sex mates, but if they are a thing - please let them be - then I have a harder time believing that those who have specific preferences would end up in a mating pair with the wrong gender).

I am not saying this to say that Elain and Lucien should be together. I am saying this because, considering all these things, right now, canon information essentially tells us that, should Az find his mate, he will go to her, need to be around her. Think about Cassian when Feyre asked why he bothers with Nesta:

Because I can't stay away.

Think about how Lucien couldn't help but try to find Elain, despite direct orders of being told not to. Or about how the second Rhys heard Feyre say 'no' in her mind to Tamlin, he was there to take her away. They just can't help it. The mating bond has a stronger pull on males.

And, maybe Az would be able to deny the bond. To reject it himself, who knows. But, based on everything we've been told, that would be incredibly difficult. And, considering how much he wants what his brothers have, would he want to?

Obviously, there is reason to believe Az does have a mate, and we've met her. And I know some people disagree with this. I would be interested to hear any theories about why he and Gwyn aren't mates, so long as they don't involve Elain. It's not that I have anything against her, it's just that those arguments don't actually point to Gwyn and Az not being mates, just that the person believes Elain and Az belong together regardless, which is not an argument for why they're not mates. But if there are any reasons or signs found in the books and canon information that distinctly point against Gwyn and Az being mates, then I'm open to hearing those points. And, as I mentioned, I do not entertain any canon-conflicting theories, such as the multiple mates one.

As it stands, though, I do think we have been directed toward the idea that Gwyn and Az are mates, and can believe that the mating bond will snap into place. Once it does, I have a hard time believing Az will actually be able to stay away. And that, even if Gwyn ends up rejecting that bond, I don't know that he'll be able to be with Elain after it, knowing Elain isn't his first choice.

Final Thoughts

Like I said earlier, I'm not against Elain rejecting the mating bond, or anyone doing so. I will say this, though - how much more powerful would it be to have someone reject the mating bond not because they wish to be with someone else, but just because they do not wish to be with that person? Is it not more empowering to see a female (or male, if they can do it) choose to be single, and live their life as they are solely because they just do not wish to be with that person? Instead of it being more of an, 'well, it's just, I'd rather be with him'. Sadly, I do not think Elain is set up to be that person. Gwyn could, potentially, be, though I'll admit I don't believe it, considering the attention Gwyn pays to him. But I do think it's worth noting that, in my opinion, the mating bond can be rejected even if there is not another male in the picture.

However, despite all the questions and uncertainties, until we get answers, this is my personal view, based on what I've seen in the books, and how I've interpreted it. I personally feel that, regardless of who I hope ends up with whom, SJM has placed a number of clues and hints to show that Elain and Azriel aren't meant to be together, that they wouldn't be right together. And that, if they were to be together, the relationship would likely be unhealthy, and potentially toxic.

---------------------

This post is also not meant to insult or attack Elain in any way, nor Azriel. Nor am I trying to insult or attack those who ship them together. We are all welcome to our own opinions. I promise to respect yours, please respect mine.

[luimagines]

He Accidentally Hurt You Pt. 1

Masterlist

Takes place while in the group, written as a platonic relationship.

this one got away from me entirely, so I had to split it up

Warrior

“I’m telling you, we need to head west!”

“And head straight into enemy territory? I don’t think so!”

“Wild’s right, Warrior. We can’t just sit around here and wait for them to come to us or the people of the town. We’re the only ones who can do something about it.” 

“Need I remind the both of you that we’re all tired as hell as well? We have no potions or healing items, our weapons haven’t been tended to in over a week because of the constant fighting and everyone has an injury in one way or another. We can’t afford to keep going at this rate. We’re lucky enough to have enough food as it is.”

You glanced at the W Trio. Wild, Wind and Warrior.

They’ve been going over the map and strategies for the past hour and it’s getting tiring. That normally would have fallen to Time and Twilight to talk to Warrior about it but they went ahead as the currently strongest of all to secure the perimeter.

It hasn’t been going great.

You sighed and stood up, making your way over to where they were.

Warrior was getting worked up and his gestures became more agitated and pronounced.

They needed to stop.

“Ok, guys, take five and a breather.” You started before your head snapped backwards.

The arguing stopped instantly.

“Oh for Din’s sake! Are you ok?.” Hands covered your own as you felt your face trying to pry them off to get a read on the damage done. “Oh course this has to happen.”

You took a step back and plugged your nose for good measure.

Wild and Wind both look tense and looked between the two of you, expecting something to blow up in their faces.

“Well that was unnecessary.” You spoke after a tense beat.

Warrior bit his lip, warring within himself to both step forward to comfort you and too afraid of pushing your boundaries more than he already has. “I’m sorry. I didn’t see you there. Does it hurt?”

“I’ll live if that’s what you’re asking me.” You raised an eyebrow. “I was going to say that you should all take a break and leave it for a while. Maybe take a nap and come back to it once Twilight and the Old Man can have a say. Because yeah, we’re all tired as hell. I don’t think you liked the idea though.”

Warrior had the decency to look ashamed. “That was unintentional.”

“Regardless, I think I’m bleeding.” You smirk. “You’ve got quite the arm Captain. Last time I checked, a backhanded slap was usually reserved for-”

“Please don’t make this any worse.”

You laughed.

Wind

“Wind! Get down from there!” You called up the tree.

Mr. Sticky Fingers had taken something important from you, not that he knew what it was and you didn’t plan on telling him it’s importance since it was mostly sentimental value but the kid turned it into a game instead.

“I’m not going to climb after you Pirate!”

“I guess it’s mine then!” He taunted back.

You glared at his smirking face and snapped your head to the group. “Excuse me Wild Child, care to lend a hand? You’re the best tree climber among us and I’d really like to get my item back.”

Wild looked up and spotted Wind in the tree. He shrugged and stood up, making his way over. “I can make that climb. Sure.”

“Uh oh.” Wind huddled into himself on the nearest branch before making a mad dash through the tree.

Wild followed closely and you stepped under the tree to get a better view of the chase. The multitude of branches and leave and twigs made it hard to see through and you didn’t see make the executive decision to jump down.

And it seemed as if he didn’t see you either. 

You both landed on the ground, a sickening crack following shortly. Your cry of surprise quickly turning into one of pain.

Wind jumped off of you as if you burned him but stayed close, handing your item back as if that would fix the problem.

The boys crowded you instantly. Hyrule led the charged followed by Twilight and Time. Warrior pulled Wind aside to give them room, Wild jumped down from the tree and Legend chose to stand closer to Hyrule to get a look over his shoulder. Four and Sky held back, concerned faces mirroring each other.

“I think you broke my arm.” You gritted through your teeth.

“I didn’t.... I didn’t mean-” Wind spoke up but bit his lip, cutting himself off. He knew there was no saving him.

“What on earth was so important that it had to come to this?” Time glared at the both of you. You would have felt a little more embarrassed because it was easily avoidable but at the same time, it was your dominant arm and now you struggled to sit up.

“Wind took an item of mine and refused to give it back. To keep me from getting it back, he climbed up a tree and I asked wild to help me out. The kid jumped on me and this happened. End of story.” Hyrule looked up at you questionably before snapping the bones back into place. A scream tore through your throat before you could stop it. “‘RULE! A little warning next time?!”

He grinned sheepishly. “Sorry. It’s better if you aren’t expecting it.”

“What’s so special about that item anyway, if you don’t mind me asking?” Sky came a little closer to rub comforting circles on your back. Hyrule took that as his cue to begin healing the injury properly. “Is it magic?”

Pain clouded your judgment slightly. “No, not exactly.”

“What is it then? It doesn’t look like anything special.” Legend gripped the tip of it and you pulled it closer to your chest, away from the others. “It’s defiantly not magic.”

“Not in the traditional sense.” You agreed. The pain was slowly fading away now, but with the quickening of the healing process, it looked worse than it did before. You turned your eyes away from the black and blue mess.

“It’s... the last gift my mother ever gave to me.” You admitted. “It’s a special kind of magic that only means something to me.”

“The sentimental kind.” Four smiled sadly.

You nodded in agreement. “But it’s not like it does anything. It’s only a token really. However... I’d rather die then let anything happen to it.”

The group stood around you silently, taking in the information.

“I’m sorry.” Wind stood before you. “I didn’t-”

You held your good hand up. “It’s not broken, I knew you would never try that and I got it back. I’m not even mad, just don’t do it again.”

He looked worse after your words, as if it was the worse news you could have told him. You knew the feeling. You felt like maybe it would help him feel better to get yelled at or something equivalent of a punishment but it wasn’t in your nature.

Once that mess was cleared up, he stayed to close to you but was unusually quiet.

You made it a point to make sure that he knew you were still on good terms by the end of the day.

Wild

“I wonder if theses are ok to eat.” You mutter to yourself. Poking at a berry bush that was near your camp, you heard (and felt) your stomach rumble. “Wild would probably know. Hyrule might know as well but....”

THWIP

Something was imbedded in your leg.

“OH MERCY ME!” You fell over, narrowly avoiding the berry thorn bush and looked down. “FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY-  WHAT IN THE WORLD-!”

An arrow.

An arrow was just... sticking out of your leg.

Rustling came from the bushes beyond and out popped a twig and leaf covered head of hair. A scarred face came next that expressed confusion to immediate concern and shock. Wild jumped over the bush and made a mad dash to your side.

“Oh my god I’m so sorry, I thought you were an animal.” He crouched down by your side and hovered his hands around the offending object.

“Why on earth did you think I was an animal?” You nearly cursed him then and there. 

It hurt. It hurt and hurt and he wasn’t doing anything!

“I heard a growl.” He admitted, a bright blush on his face.

“No, that was me and my stomach. I’m hungry man! I was just checking if those berries were edible.” You growled and tried to move over but your leg wouldn’t cooperate without sending bouts of burning static up to your hip.

“That was a crap shot anyway. It wouldn’t have taken the animal down regardless.” Wild muttered to himself.

“Excuse you but I’m the one who was shot. Take it out!”

“Ok, ok, ok, hold on.” He placed a bracing hand on your leg and grip the arrow in the other. “Deep breath. Ready? One. Two.”

“OUCH! YOU SICK, TWISTED, SON OF A-”

“Here.” Wild handed you a potion. You recognized it as a healing item of his, even if the bottle was wrong and uncorked it, gulping it down with vigor.

“You owe me Champion.” You crossed your arms when you finished, handing the bottle back to him. 

“I’ll cook you something. Anything you want.” He nervously scratched the back of his head. “Those berries aren’t edible anyway.”

You blinked at him and the berries, not pouting at all. Your glare hardened at the plant. “I blame you.”

“The plant?”

“I just wanted to eat something!”

Legend

You couldn’t believe it.

There he was, sleeping in your bedroll.

You were tired as it was and didn’t have the energy to put up with it. Instead of anger though...It was mostly confusion.

Why was Legend asleep in your bed roll?

Was he really that tired that he just didn’t care? Probably. The nightmares were bad the night before and he was working nonstop the whole day.

You couldn’t fully blame him. He probably didn’t even notice.

Still.

You were exhausted as well and you refused to take his spot.

You walked over and shook his shoulder.

BAM

You stumbled backwards and eventually fell over, your hands covering your face. 

Legend sat up blearily and blinked for a solid minute before realizing his fist was still raised. 

“Legend!” You yelled at him. “What the heck man? You can’t punch to save your life!”

“What?”

“That’s my bedroll, dumb bell. I would like to sleep please.” You crossed your arms and stared him down. “Also, I’m telling Twilight you can’t punch for crap.”

Legend pushed himself up and looked beneath him. “Oh. Sorry. Wait. What about my punching?”

”You suck at it.”

He glared at you for a moment before taking a swing in your direction.

You dodged it easily and grinned. “Your form definitely needs work.”

“Shut up!”

Part 2

[thestorycfus]

The Sweetest Apparition - Part 3

Pairing: Peggy Carter x fem!Reader

Summary: Reader is a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent and historian who specializes in the life and legacy of Captain Carter. After Nick Fury uses the Tesseract to bring Peggy back, the Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. contacts the reader to help her navigate life in the XXI century.

Warnings and notes: Food, mentions of Steggy, mentions of Stucky, very small mentions of war. Other characters are also mentioned. This got way longer than the first two parts, but there’s also way more Peggy here. This series takes place after the last scene of What If… episode one, including spoilers to that episode. Reader uses she/her pronouns.

Word count: 2,304

Series Masterlist

It should be a short walk to your apartment, but you made a small stop each time Captain Carter was curious about something. You also got some take out on the way, making sure to pick at least four different options from separate places and a couple of desserts too, since you didn’t know her taste yet. It was a while before you made it to your street.

During the entire time, your chatting was limited to safe topics - how loud and bright the city was, how many screens there were, the amount of coffee options that existed now. You watched Carter fall in love with her caramel coffee and made a mental note to buy her more sweets.

Soon, the Captain would also need to go shopping. Fury had gotten her the formal white blouse and the black pants she wore now, an outfit much more discreet than the uniform she was wearing when she fell, but that was her entire wardrobe at the moment. That was another mission you should handle, but it could wait until after lunch.

When you finally got home, you placed the food over a kitchen counter and gave Carter a quick tour of the apartment. It wasn’t much, but hopefully it would be enough for both of you until she was more familiar with this century. The tour ended where it started: in your tiny kitchen. You pulled a stool for the Captain and presented her with the options for lunch.

“I suppose you’ve never tried some of those, so I got a few different meals. Burritos, sweet and sour chicken, calzones and Pad Thai. For dessert, there’s lemon tart and triple chocolate cake. I might have gotten a little carried away.”

Peggy took a seat and examined her options. You wondered if that would be, technically her first meal since the 40’s.

“They are all tempting, but I might start with this one.” Her eyes were fixated on a burrito as if it was the Holy Grail. Yeah, that was surely the first time she ate in seventy years. She dove in, so focused on her meal that you didn’t dare to interrupt. Meanwhile, you took the other stool and picked a calzone, eating it while you watched Carter.

You were still trying to wrap your head around the fact that she was really here, and it was surprising that you hadn’t completely freaked out so far, but the prospect of the rest of the day started to worry you. The Captain would certainly have a lot of questions and, if there were inquiries that Fury left for you to answer, they probably pertained more to her personal life than to great historical events.

If the registers about her were right, it wouldn’t be long before the real conversation started. Peggy Carter was too smart to have such a debate in the middle of the street, but she wasn’t known for stalling. As soon as she finished her meal, in the privacy of your (now shared) kitchen, you would have to provide about seven decades of answers.

Before you could try to prepare yourself, she was done with her second burrito. You almost suggested dessert, but the look she gave you left no room for pauses. Carter turned on her stool to face you directly, her posture becoming straighter and her eyes never leaving yours. She was the perfect image of Captain Carter, the hero, the legend who defeated all odds. Still, when she spoke, there was softness in her voice.

“The meal was lovely and so is the apartment. I can’t thank you enough for you kindness, Agent L/N, but I must ask a few things more of you. If you have studied about my life, you must know what happened to Steve Rogers after I was gone.”

You should be ready for that. Of course her first personal concern would be about Rogers. His story with Carter went down in history as a tragic tale of love, bravery and loss. To his last days, Rogers had made it his mission to honor her legacy, but that wasn’t all that he did. How do you tell a person that the love of her life went on to live a decades long, fulfilling relationship with someone else, even though, from her perspective, they were together the day before?

“Please, call me Y/N. And you can ask anything, Captain. I will tell you everything I can.” You took a deep breath, going through the words in your head in search of the best way to let her know. It was best to keep nothing out. Carter deserved that. “Steve Rogers continued to serve as the Hydra Stomper until the war had ended and all known Hydra operations had been eliminated. After that, he stepped out of the suit so that Howard Stark could continue his research with the Tesseract. I believe neither of them ever gave up on bringing you back, but, in many ways, they also moved on to build new lives.”

You made a small pause, in case she wanted to say something, but Carter only gave you a nod, encouraging you to continue. It was impossible to look away from her eyes, or to keep anything hidden when she stared at you with such intensity. Even in silence, sitting still, she emanated a power that kept you talking.

“A few years after the war, Rogers and Stark started an intelligence agency to keep the world safe from threats we could barely understand. They named it S.H.I.E.L.D., because of you. That is the agency I work for, directed by Nick Fury.” There was something poetic in the way that same agency ended up being the reason Peggy Carter was back, but it wasn’t your place to point that out. “Rogers never stopped fighting, even without the suit. He was a legendary agent, working along with James Barnes until they retired. They were also together for the rest of their lives.”

That was the piece of information you feared would break Carter’s heart, but she had a bright smile after hearing that.

“That suits them. All of them.” The joy in her voice sounded so sincere, and you couldn’t help but ask.

“Were you and Rogers… Together? It is said so in the official files, but…” In your studies, you sometimes wondered if their relationship was just a myth, maybe a publicity stunt to humanize the fallen super soldier. It was your job to question the data, but you had never paid that possibility much attention until now.

Instead of being offended by your invasion of her privacy, Carter laughed so lightly and freely that you felt your cheeks getting warm.

“Oh, darling, Steve Rogers had a heart too big to have only one soul mate. He was the love of my life, yes, and I was the love of his, but not the only one. A love so beautiful and dedicated is supposed to be shared. Of course I’m sad I didn’t get to share the rest of his life with him, but I’m relieved to know that he and Bucky had each other. And that’s not to say I’m a being of such virtue that I’m above jealousy. I felt jealous of Steve alright, many times, but I could never be jealous of him with Buck. They fit well together and they were good for each other. They were real, just as Steve and I were. Steve deserved to be loved through a lifetime. I’m grateful that he was.”

Carter’s eyes shined with tears, but she didn’t allow any to fall. Maybe she would let herself grief for the lost possibilities later, but for now she was handling such an emotional journey with more elegance than you thought possible. It didn’t seem to be an act at all. On the contrary, what touched you the most was the honesty in her words. That selflessness of being genuinely happy to hear of how her soul mate lived on without her, in love with someone else, told you more about Peggy Carter than any history book ever had. And that’s how she reacted right after being thrown into the next century, coming directly from a war and landing in a world she didn’t recognize.

“I don’t think history ever made you justice, Captain. The general public thinks of you as a hero, but they’re so far from knowing the person behind the suit... You know, it’s very nice to meet you.” You couldn’t help but sharing a bit of what was on your mind. To that moment, your hero was turning out to be even better than your daydreams, and it was only fair to let her know so.

At that, she gave you a big smile and your heart skipped a beat. You would have a hard time sharing an apartment with this woman.

“You are far too kind to me. To be honest, they never showed much interest on me, suit or not, until I went against official orders and started throwing tanks around and fighting the battles that needed to be fought. I am more concerned about what I am able to achieve, regardless of how they will see me. And there’s no need to call me Captain, Y/N. Heavens, we live and work together now and you’re my guide to modern life. Peggy is fine. And it’s nice to meet you too.” She took the initiative to get a slice of chocolate cake, already making herself at home. You had the feeling that her adaptation to this world wouldn’t be too difficult, all things considered. Peggy Carter would take whatever she was given and make more of it than anyone imagined possible.

“As you wish, Peggy. Speaking of that, there’s a lot I think you’ll like to see about life now. What else are you curious about?” You took your own slice of cake, trying to feel at ease in this conversation. You couldn’t be on high alert whenever Carter was around if she was going to be around all the time, but that was easier said than done. Your responsibilities here were enormous and, to be frank, you were determined to be your best self and impress her, even if just a bit. Maybe telling her about the wonders of nowadays technology would do the trick.

“I am curious about everything. I can’t wait to know all about the development of science, or what I missed in seven decades of sociopolitical turmoil, but there’s one more person I’d love to hear about before we get to that. You mentioned Howard moving on with his life, didn’t you? What exactly was that little menace up to while I was gone?”

Now, that was a rich topic of conversation.

“Well, Stark continued his research with the Tesseract and with many other projects, sometimes along with the US government, and he built a billionaire empire. Weapons, all sorts of technology, wild parties. The man had everything. He has a son, Tony, who inherited the tech, the money and the brains, but with a stronger inclination to heroism. You see, Tony Stark built himself a supersuit, partially inspired by his father’s Hydra Stomper, but with a larger variety of uses. It’s said that Steve Rogers was a sort of mentor to him, but I couldn’t get Stark to talk a lot about it when I interviewed him.”

You couldn’t tell which part made Peggy more excited. She nodded along as you listed Howard Stark’s achievements, as if it was all expected, and her eyes got wider when you told her about his son. When you mentioned Rogers, she almost jumped in her seat. She was already invested, but dropping that name sealed the deal.

“Fury gave me this.” She took two business cards out of her pocket. “It has his telephone number and Barton’s too. Could I use your telephone to call him? I would like to meet this Tony Stark, and I bet Fury would be able to reach him.” 

Giving Director Fury a call from your cellphone felt strange, but how could you deny Peggy that? If the Director gave her the number, he wanted her to be able to reach him, right? 

Instead of dialing yourself, you showed Carter how to use the phone. She looked like a kid on Christmas whenever she was given access to new technology. You would make sure she got a cellphone of her own soon so you could show her everything the device could do. 

She called Fury and you waited as they talked for less than two minutes. Peggy handed you the phone when she was done, with a smile that said she got what she wanted.

“So, what did the Director say?” You asked, anxious to know the outcome of the call.

“We’re meeting Tony Stark tomorrow at 2pm in his tower. Was it him who named it Stark tower or is that Howard’s doing?” She narrowed her eyes a bit, still smiling.

“The tower was built by Tony, so I think we can’t blame Howard for that one.” You joked. “Are you meeting Fury at S.H.I.E.L.D. before you two go to Stark’s?”

“Oh, Fury is not going. He booked the meeting for you and me, if you would like to accompany me.” Peggy sounded hesitant, as if she had just considered that you might not want to join her on that plan. 

"You’re asking me if I wish to be there when Captain Carter meets Tony Stark? Please, if I didn’t get the chance to be a part of that exchange, I would beg you for a detailed retelling as soon as you got home.” 

Your reply made Peggy laugh once more, and you were getting used to that sound very quickly.

[toh-writings]

Breaking Through Pt 1 (Lilith x Reader)

Summary:

Y/N has always had an interest in the beautiful Coven Leader, Lilith Clawthorne. It was just so difficult getting past her stony defenses. Still, you wanted to try to break through.

Warnings: none

It was a nice enough job, you supposed. It paid plenty and gave you a lot of recognition, being in the Emperor’s Coven Still, you wished you had more time to work on other things. Back when you were in school, you had been on track to join the healers coven and as such was in the healers track. When you were accepted into the Emperor’s Coven, you were stuck on guard duty instead, stuck working on your own projects in the limited personal time you had. 

But that was fine, you told yourself. Over the years, you found the one thing that made the job worth it, and that was the people you got to work with. They were simply interesting, their personalities so varied. Sure, there were your fair share of jerks, the idiots who acted like they were better than everyone just because they had gotten into this coven even though, you know, they ALL did that. Thankfully, those jerks were few and far between. The rest had to be the friendliest, funniest, nicest people you had ever met and you were thankfully to count many of them as your friends. 

The person you found the most interesting, however, was the one person who couldn’t even be bothered to recognize you as an individual, let alone talk to you.

You blamed the uniforms for at least some of that. Everyone had to wear the same cloaks and face concealing masks. It was near impossible to tell who was who. But then again, you recognize your friends easily enough by the way they move, their walks, their voices. The coven leader should be able to do the same, shouldn’t she?

It wasn’t like Lilith Clawthorne didn’t recognize some of them, just the ones that worked closest to her. Unfortunately, that did not include you. 

Your interactions with Lilith consisted of nothing more than the occasional face to face instructions, a brief word before she was once more on her way, not even sparing a glance in your direction. 

It frustrated you. You wanted to know so much about her ever since you first saw her. She was just so beautiful, seemingly appearing out of nowhere like a hurricane. Where had she come from? How did she get to the top so quickly? What was she thinking behind those stunning icy eyes? What did her smile look like? What did her laugh sound like? What was she like when she wasn’t forced to put up her stony defenses?

Your friends poked fun at your “odd obsession” they called it any time they could. Every single time Lilith passed you by, without fail, they would snicker and shove you or elbow your side. You couldn’t even give them a proper glare with your mask on, but you would try regardless. It was especially bothersome when they didn’t wait long enough for her to pass and she noticed the odd interaction, giving a disapproving glare in your direction. You hated when she looked at you like that, but it only made the others laugh harder when she was safely out of view. 

You were stuck like that for some time, your interest waning and growing time and time again, until one day you finally got the chance for a proper conversation, or at least the closest you had ever gotten to one.

You were assigned to work by her side after one of the guards who usually worked with her retired. Your breath caught in your throat when you were informed of this, but didn’t show it. You put your mask on and rushed off to your spot. 

You slipped into the small group seamlessly, ready for a long shift doing more of the same. At least here there was the chance that Lilith would learn your name and not treat you like just another faceless guard. You really did hate these stupid uniforms.

Your wish was granted almost instantly. It was long before Lilith showed up, staring you down with those icy eyes as if you personally offended her. You didn’t like that look in the slightest. Was there any chance she would look at you in any sort of kind way? You would be lying to yourself if you said it wasn’t getting to you. At some point you would just have to believe your coven head hated you. And sure, you would be separate from the rest, but was it worth it?

“And what is your name?” She said, voice steely.

“Y/N.” You managed to keep your voice even and professional, hiding the disappointment that was bubbling beneath. She nodded and left, locking herself in her office. 

You took a moment to collect yourself, shoving those ridiculous feelings down. She didn’t have to like you, didn’t even have to be friendly to you. You were just there to do your job and that’s what you needed to do. 

At least now your masked face had been put to a name.

And it seemed to be a name Lilith remembered. Whenever she needed someone’s help with this task or that, she called them by name and gave them their instructions, including you. You did anything she asked of you, from running to the library to collect a book she needed to helping her carry something to longer missions that would take you away from the palace. You did it all without complaint, still wanting to see what her smile looked like and hoping that completing your tasks so well would bring that out. For a long time, it didn’t work. 

Then, one day, she asked a task of you. It was such a simple one, something you had done before. She just needed a book from the library. She gave the title, author, and where to find it and dismissed you with a wave of her hand. You left immediately, eager to do anything but stand around.

But when you reached the library you were struck with an idea. 

When you returned to the office, you dropped off two books, the one Lilith had requested, a book on the history of the coven system, and a second, much smaller book with no title and a black cover. It was one of your favorites, just a short little story about the everyday life of a demon. She gave you a look, an eyebrow raised, but said nothing about the addition, just waved you away. 

You smirked to yourself and did just that, giving a little bow before you left.

The next time she needed someone to go to the library, this time to return books, she sent you. 

“Bring me something to read as well.” She commanded you, though not quite as harsh as usual. You smiled, even if she couldn’t see it, and nodded.

“Anything for you.” 

For a split second you could swear you saw something flash across her face, the slightest widening of her eyes, but you couldn’t be sure. You took the books and left, thinking maybe you were breaking through that stony exterior.

[heliads]

A Questioning

You’re a journalist in Manhattan, just like your best friend, Katherine Pulitzer. You’ve also been sent to interview the Brooklyn newsies when a certain Spot Conlon catches your eye.

masterlist

You straighten your hair, your clothes, the bag hanging at your waist. You’ve been to plenty of places all up and down New York City on reporting business before, you’re not sure why this one occasion has you so worried. It could just be that this article is going to be one of the most important articles you’ve written yet, or it could be because you’re going to be headed to Brooklyn, a place known for the particular hostility frequented by the same newsboys you’re supposed to be interviewing.

Eventually, your friend has enough of your frenetic fixing of your appearance, grabbing your hands and forcing you to stop moving. Katherine Pulitzer, already well introduced to the newsboys of New York, does not have time for silly things such as fear. “Y/N, you’re going to be fine. Honestly.” You sigh, looking at her morosely. “You don’t know that. I mean, what if they don’t even want to do the article at all? That’ll send me back to the review pages forever.”

Katherine rolls her eyes. “Even if the Brooklyn newsies took one look at you and decided never to say a word to any reporter again- which they won’t- you couldn’t be fired if you tried. Your last piece on the strike was fantastic. That’s why they’re giving you this opportunity, right? Because they know you’ll be perfect.” Despite your growing nerves, this is true. You had taken advantage of the hubbub of the city following the Children’s Crusade and the newsboy strike, interviewing teenage shoe shiners and elevator operators alike. They hadn’t been willing to speak to that many people, so your words were broadcasted up and down the city. It had been fantastic for the sales of that issue of the newspaper, and fantastic for your career.

So, you’ve been handed a reporting opportunity regarding the future of the strikers once more. This time, you’ll be tracking down the newsies of a select borough, talking to them about how life working for the many New York newspapers has changed and if they still stand by their actions. This alone would be fine, were it not for the fact that you’ll be speaking to the Brooklyn newsies. It’s not that you think they’re going to attack you, more that you have no idea what to say to a group of boys whose preferred weekend activity is soaking errant teenagers. How do you convince a bunch of Brooklyn boys to spill their hearts out for your article?

However, Katherine is right. You’re going to get nowhere by merely moping around, so you pick up your bag, square your shoulders, and set off across the city. You intend to show up at the Brooklyn Lodging House around the late afternoon, when the boys will all have finished selling their papes, so you can talk to them freely without interrupting their work schedule. 

Despite your forced confidence, you can’t help but feel doubt descend on you as you walk through the streets of Brooklyn. You’ve spoken to a few of the Manhattan newsies before, mainly Jack (at Katherine’s insistence) as well as Davey and Crutchie. From what they tell you, the Brooklyn boys are completely different. Even Jack is hesitant to talk to Spot Conlon when he’s in a bad mood.

Regardless of your hesitations, you’re still a reporter, and you have to get through this job. You’ve been through enough with the idiot journalists on your newspaper team that you can’t stomach returning an empty pad of paper to them, so you must walk on. Even certain death at the hands of the Brooklyn boys is better than the jeering looks you’re sure to endure if you back down. So, you walk resolutely across the cobblestones, pausing only once before the door of the Brooklyn Lodging House to settle your thoughts before marching past the threshold. 

All eyes descend on you the second the door clicks shut behind you. The boys look up, curious as to why you could possibly be there. Remembering yourself, you clear your throat once before you start talking, delivering the speech you’d run through countless times in your head on the walk over. “Good afternoon. My name is Y/N, and I’m a journalist for the Evening Telegram. I’d like to speak to you about how life has changed after the strikes.”

There’s silence in the room, a deafening silence that seems to press in on you from every corner of the dimly lit gathering. At last, one boy steps towards you, shirt smeared slightly from the grime of the streets. He sneers down at you. “Why would we talk to a goil like you?” Indignation flares up in you, and you speak again before you can stop yourself. “Maybe if you talked to a goil like me, you could actually manage to use your brain more than once a week. You might even be able to know important things like telling your left from your right.”

The boy stands there, stunned, but before he can open his mouth to say anything else a voice rings out from the open door behind you. You turn around to see a new boy entering, this one clad in a red shirt and a gray cap that hides the top of his dark curls. “Damn, Giant, she killed you. Is this what all journalists are like? We might have to have more articles written just to meet you all.” You freeze slightly, recognizing him from the descriptions Katherine gave you. “Are you Spot Conlon?”

The boy grins even wider. “Guilty as charged. Is there a reason you’re here, other than insulting my boys?” You wince at that. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to- I was here to ask you some questions about life after the strike? It’s for an article I’m writing.” Spot, however, does not seem bothered by the fact that you’ve offended one of his newsboys. Instead, he just waves for you to follow him down the hall and into a room that likely serves as his office. “He can take it. Come on, I can answer your questions without everyone looking on.”

You stand in his office of sorts for a second, hands still closed tightly around your notepad as you try and fail to think of what to do next. Although you may have planned out the first thing to say upon finding the Brooklyn newsies, you’re not entirely sure where to go from here. There was no line in your schedule where you dissed one of the biggest boys there, and nothing saying what to do when Spot Conlon asked to be alone with you in his office.

Speaking of which, the dark-haired boy clears his throat, looking meaningfully at your pen and paper. “Well? Don’t you have some questions to ask?” You turn to him with an embarrassed smile. “Right! Um, how has taking part in the strike changed work as a newsie? Do you feel more protected by the presence of Roosevelt in office? Do you believe that Pulitzer and the other newspaper companies could work together in the future to minimize chances of another successful strike while still lowering the cost of the papers, or was your strike crucial enough to allow you to retain your autonomy in the selling industry?”

Spot blinks at you for a second, surprised, then lets another grin stretch across his face. “I see you came prepared. Well, I can’t speak for everyone when I say this, but I suppose we’se doing alright for ourselves. Pulitzer knows better than to try and change the prices again, not after the stunt we pulled.” You nod. “You think you’re protected by the public’s disapproval of Pulitzer?” Spot shrugs. “Something like that.”

You finish scribbling down his answers, then tap your pen against your notebook, contemplating something he’d said. “You mentioned something about how you couldn’t speak for everyone. I thought Brooklyn was one of the most important boroughs in New York? I mean, a lot of the Manhattan newsboys get nervous whenever they have to head over here on business endeavors.”

Spot chuckles. “That may be true, but we all got our own opinions. Part of how you stay on top isn’t just your fists, it’s your head. You have to pick the right fights, you know?” You jot this down. When you look up, he’s regarding you with a faint smile, one he doesn’t even appear to know is there. “That’s oddly wise for someone who claims to spend all his time fighting or selling papes.” Spot flashes you a grin. “Are you putting that in the papers, too? About how I’m oddly wise?”

You can feel your cheeks burning. “Probably not.” Spot shrugs, although his grin is shameless. “Unfortunate. I wouldn’t have minded it being there.” He lets you stew for a second longer, then extends a hand to you. “Here, it’s getting dark out. You’ll want to be back in ‘Hattan before too long.” You take it, letting him lead you to the door. He pauses once before opening the door, still keeping your conversation between the two of you. “Oh, and Miss Reporter? You can come back any time you like.”

Spot ends up walking you back to Manhattan, despite your protests that you knew exactly where you were going. He’d simply tossed you a wink, saying something about how he wants to make sure his guests get home safely, especially when they’re pretty reporters. You could tell from the victorious grin on his face that he’d said it just to mess with you, although to be entirely honest with yourself, you’re not sure that you mind at all.

You end up writing the entire article that night, still abuzz over the conversation and the moonlit walk back to your apartment. The clatter of your typewriter fills the empty spaces in the room, and you drown out the sounds of the city with the spill of thoughts onto paper. In the end, you’re left with an entirely excellent article, and a growing want to go back to Brooklyn and keep talking to the dark-haired boy who seemed to find nothing more interesting than trying to rile you up.

As it turns out, you’ll get your wish- your boss thinks your work is excellent, ordering you back to spend another day among the Brooklyn newsies. You’re all too happy to accept, and the delighted grin on Spot’s face when he sees you darkening his door once more is only the icing on the cake.

You end up spending a lot more time in Brooklyn, even after the focus of your articles leaves Brooklyn and the newsies behind. You can’t help it- something about his maddening grin, or the way he always looks for you in the crowd, makes you want to keep coming back again and again. Spot certainly doesn’t mind, and he ends up coming to visit you too, sneaking in through the fire escape of your apartment window so your landlady doesn’t suspect a thing.

In the end, you’re not sure that there could have been any other ending to your time with Spot. He tells you he loves you after a couple weeks, you can’t help but feel the same. You’ve spent your time wandering up and down the streets of New York, and you’re certain that there is no one in the entire city that makes you feel quite as happy or as free as Spot. He just has this way of making you feel like the brightest star in the entire sky, although he’s more than willing to stay up late stargazing with you if you want to see if there are any contenders to your status.

Sometimes there are days when no one seems in the spirit to buy a paper, or the other men at your newspaper seem like they’ll never truly see you as an equal. That’s when you take a visit over to the lodging house, finding solace in whispered words and smiles even when you feel the worst. Life in New York might be hard, but at least you have Spot. To you, that is enough.

[shihalyfie]

I’m a diehard 02 fan who does not want a reboot and never wanted a reboot, and here’s why

This is one of my few editorial-esque pieces, but this is something some friends and I have been discussing for a while, and given what’s going on right now, I feel like this needs to be said at some point.

Sometimes I feel like there’s a really massive gap between what 02 fans want (especially diehard ones) and what people think 02 fans want. I'm not saying that media should only be catering to hardcore fans, and if more casual fans of 02 or people who simply just happen to have a stake in the full franchise have their own opinions on what they wanted to see out of 02-related media, that’s perfectly fine, and they have a right to have those expectations. What I’m mainly writing this about is sentiments that talk about how Toei is apparently doing 02 a disservice or sweeping it under the bus by not rebooting it (which basically comes with an implication that giving it respect would mandate it being rebooted just because Adventure was), or talking about how doing a reboot would please 02 fans just by giving their favorite characters more rep. (Although, I suppose the simultaneous reveal of an actual 02-related movie kind of killed any grounds for claiming that the lack of a 02 reboot meant sidelining 02. You can’t really claim that they’re sidelining 02 when they’re making a whole movie, after all...)

Of course, I don’t claim to speak for every single 02 fan out there (so if you’re a 02 fan who doesn’t agree with anything I’m about to say, I apologize and hope I don’t sound presumptuous), and I highly doubt I represent the mainstream, but I felt I should input my perspective as a 02 fan who’s friends with a handful of other 02 fans, who have discussed this extensively and all have the same feelings on the topic, and why it’s kind of frustrating to keep hearing this kind of thing from people who assume that all fans of something should want to see more things that resemble them by default without any more nuance to it.

It won’t actually improve much that’s worth it

I’m going to be blunt about it: I think more people who supposedly want this 02 reboot are people who hate or dislike 02 than people who actually are fans of the series, because they’re doing this under the sentiment that “this was a bad series, so a redo would improve it.” You can especially tell because a lot of people acting like a reboot is in 02′s best interest are the same people being scathingly critical of the current Adventure: reboot right now, so you can see that this kind of mentality comes from people who clearly understand that a reboot won’t necessarily be something everyone likes all that much, and thus believe 02 is so unsalvageably bad that you couldn’t possibly make it worse. So you can probably understand why I’m not exactly patient with this kind of take.

If we are to be charitable, though -- if this sentiment comes out of a genuine feeling that 02 had missed potential that could be addressed by the reboot -- I want to ask everyone if they really believe that this theoretical reboot would be a net improvement, especially one that’s worth all the time and effort involved, and even more especially given the writing style that the current Adventure: reboot is employing. You don’t have to claim it’s a perfect series or anything to understand the sentiment that it held up enough by itself to not necessitate a whole anime series being made to do another take on it.

Something I would like to remind people who love to claim that 02 is such a despised series is that it made around 89% of Adventure’s revenue at the time it aired, and despite those who despise 02 being very vocal on the Internet, the actual mainstream tends to be very positive about it, especially in terms of anything to do with Ken (whom most reasonable people will agree had a character arc that deserves acclaim). So in other words, if you want to do a reboot, most likely you would want to do it without offending the base that likes the series already, right? (Especially since, you know, recent events have proven that upsetting the real-life 02 fanbase is actually a pretty inadvisable idea...)

Here’s the thing: Once you filter out most of the “scapegoat” reasons people tend to criticize 02, the one that’s generally the most agreed upon is how disorganized the plot gets in the second half. So this so-called ideal situation reboot would supposedly iron out all of the messy plot writing and make use of the “wasted potential” the series had -- but 02 was way more than just a narrative storyline with characters walking around in it, and when it comes to the reasons people were so drawn to it, they’re tied to the series themes about regrets and making up for the past, and about the unreasonable pressures that society places on children. That, and also the most important one, the central theme of human relationships, and the charismatic and well-developed (yes, really) characters. The so-called “messier” second half of 02 was full of payoff for a lot of what was set up in the first half in regards to its themes, and a lot of its subplots or character flairs are packed in really small nuances that are easy to miss on the first watch.

What this means is that 02 is a series that works off of a lot of delicate balances. Adventure could be “rebooted” because everything was very clear-cut and straightforward, which meant that you could change almost everything about the plot and still relatively adhere to the primary points of “kids gain self-awareness through a journey in another world”. (Like, I really hate to break it to those who put Adventure on a pedestal, but this is mainly possible because Adventure doesn’t really have much of a plot besides “defeat enemy” followed by “defeat bigger enemy”...) In the case of 02, everything regarding the story is, for better or for worse, much more deeply tied to the plot, the narrative behind the Kaiser and the traces of psychological horror laced into everything, and the second-half evolution mechanic, Jogress, has a lot to do with the developments related to the human relationships narrative. Moreover, a lot of the reasons that people call it “bad” for are deeply tied to the exact same reasons a lot of people like it -- that its takes on certain topics were heavily nuanced and unconventional, meaning it could cover ground that most media wouldn’t go anywhere near -- and so the series loses too much of its identity if those aspects are removed, even if it ostensibly seems like “streamlining” it.

So if you mess with one thing, a lot of it falls apart -- and in fact, considering the writing style that the Adventure: reboot is using right now, it’s hard to imagine that applying it to 02 would make it any better. Actually, it seems like it wouldn’t address any of the grievances anyone has with it to any substantial degree, and it’d be more likely to axe all of the stuff that were integral to 02′s identity, like the social commentary, or the heavy focus on human relationships, or the unusual sort of character nuance it employed, and...basically, we go back to the same question: is this actually worth it?

02 itself was about not having this kind of sentiment

The main reason most 02 fans get upset about the 02 characters not being included in Adventure canon-related things that should rightfully include them is that, quite simply, they’re part of the canon! In fact, most 02 fans like Adventure too, so they like the way 02 built on Adventure’s worldbuilding, and moreover they’re attached to the web of relationships between the Adventure and 02 groups -- 02′s additions to Adventure’s worldbuilding and the nature of what it established around the neighborhoods of Odaiba and Tamachi were not only added on but also deeply entangled with what was established before, so you can’t just act like none of it exists!

So this also means that once we’re talking about a completely different universe, absolutely none of this applies and there’s no expectations to adhere to any of this. The 02 quartet doesn’t exist in this universe? Cool.

Funny thing about 02: one of the biggest themes the story revolved around was “not getting caught up in the past, and moving forward with what you have instead,” so it’s probably pretty understandable that a lot of people who like 02 would be the type who wouldn’t be fond of rehashing stuff too much (and even more so it involves 02 itself), especially since being okay with 02 as a sequel likely means being okay with change in general. To make something really new out of it, you might as well...actually make something new out of it, or cover some truly new territory, instead of bothering with this whole reboot business, you know?

One thing you might notice about a lot of 02 fans is that they’re not actually all that fond of the idea of canon putting the group through more massive suffering or emotional ordeals after 02 compared to most. I mean, I think it’s pretty normal to enjoy your favorite characters going through emotional trouble, but the aversion to it often tends to be much stronger than usual, regardless of what country’s fanbase we’re talking, and even the official staff for Kizuna seems to have somewhat recognized that the 02 group is most in its element when in the context of fun and silliness. All things considered, this probably isn’t particularly surprising when you take into account the fact that “just being able to hang out with each other as casual friends at all” was considered such a blessing, and such a difficult goal to reach, that there’s a natural aversion to seeing them go through more emotional suffering again. The new trailer for the upcoming movie seems to have Daisuke in a relatively good mood (and even then, “please don’t make it too emotionally vicious for them” is a pretty common plea).

So if you want to talk about rehashing all of their old problems, seeing it all over again is just not very fun. It’s like holding Ken’s sins over his head again, even if it’s in a different universe; it just doesn’t feel right when the series itself endorsed the best possible outcome for these kids to be “to live happily and at peace with themselves, no matter what happened beforehand”. They worked so hard to get out of it, so to decide we have to do this entire rodeo again for the sake of doing it again, instead of trying something new is...well, it’s not that appealing of an idea, I have to say.

The real-life impact would be intolerable

It’s no secret that the 02 hatedom is a bit uncomfortably vocal about it, but what tends to be really frustrating about it is how many of them love to dunk on the series based on misremembering it. It’s fair that, if you don’t like a series, you probably wouldn’t want to watch it again, but as someone who’s spent a lot of years unpacking all the little details in the series and noticing that it’s much deeper than it initially seems on the surface, it’s honestly annoying to see “criticism” of the series that’s actually just dunking on it based on details that are genuinely factually incorrect (it’d be one thing if it were a question of subjectivity, but no, so many of the insults 02 often gets are based on things that legitimately did not happen in the series).

In the end, I admit that 02′s penchant for ridiculous subtlety probably worked against it a bit too much, and I’ve already covered its impact on how the series gets misread a lot. Thing is, this kind of subtlety was a thing in Adventure too, and it all leads to the unfortunate effect that a lot of people tend to forget what actually happened in Adventure if they haven’t seen it for more than a few years. With the current reboot right now, you’ll see people saying that certain characters are the same as they were in the original series, even though in most respects they’re actually the opposite -- because a lot of said people only remember them by the surface characteristics that seem to be similar.

So when you look at 02, and consider the fact that even official media -- including the official American English dub and V-Tamer -- has been a bit too prone to not handling Daisuke’s character tastefully and reducing him to traits that make him easy to dislike, you might realize that handling these characters improperly runs an extremely high risk of actually turning them into the flat, unlikeable characters that people tend to accuse them of being -- imagine Daisuke where his entire character is about fixating over Hikari and being impulsive, or Miyako being nothing but self-centered and selfish, or Iori being genuinely stoic and missing the nuances of constantly holding his emotions back. And making it worse is that this would basically solidify these negative perceptions of the characters even further -- because people, especially those inclined to hate the series, would take it as further evidence that the characters have always been like this, reflect it back on the original, and everything would really just become a miserable experience. (Those who are particularly inclined to be malicious against 02 would probably even claim a reboot to be “better than the original” no matter whatever it is, because of the belief that 02 is so incredibly terrible that literally anything would be better than it.)

It’s not my business to dictate other people’s opinions, but it’s already been a frustrating twenty years of dealing with this kind of thing, so of course I’m not going to be enthusiastic about the idea of putting up with more of it...

[shyficwriter]

Who's Tougher part 2

Guardians of the Galaxy fanfic | Reader x Guardians (With Yondu and Kraglin!) Guest starring Thor

Summary: So the Guardians now know you aren't Terran. That makes things awkward, but things only get more awkward when they find out what you are.

Author’s Note: Part 1 here.

Word Count: 3,337

"Any chance we can just forget that happened?" you ask, nervously chuckling as you wring your hands. "I promise I'll fix that-" you stand up and look again at the ruined metal that was once the arm of a chair, "or uh... replace it?" You grin hopefully, though you were sure it came out more like a grimace.

"No! Of course we're not just gonna forget that happened!" Peter cried, his face a mix of startled amazement and incredulity, like he couldn't quite believe what he had just witnessed from his friend. "Are you crazy!? What are you!?"

You shrank back a bit, his words stung a little, whether he intended them to or not. "Ok, I had a feeling that wouldn't fly..." Your gaze dropped to the table. What were you? You were his friend... right?

"Why did you lie?" Gamora asked, not nearly as harshly as Peter, but it hurt more regardless.

You furrow your brows as you look up to her, insulted. "Hey! I didn't lie!"

"You said you was from Terra." Kraglin interjected. "An' you ain't a Terran. Think that counts as lyin'." He sat back in his chair, eyeing you. Yondu still stood next to him, doing the same.

Drax, still sat in his chair but removing his electrode leads, then threw in a, "Friends shouldn't lie," with Groot nodding in agreement as well as Mantis, but you ignored them.

"I was born there- Pretty sure that counts as 'being from' someplace." You suppressed the urge to call him a jerk and crossed your arms in front of you with a hurt expression. "Not my fault you filled in the blanks yourselves."

Yondu spoke up now. "Ya didn't exactly tell us otherwise, either." He doesn't sound angry or as confused or suspicious like the others, his statement was more matter-of-fact. You had been with the team longer than he had, but in the time that he had known you, you had never given an inclining that you were anything other than a normal Terran like Quill- or well, maybe that's a bad example... but now that Ego is dead that probably makes him a normal Terran, right?

You merely responded to him with, "You didn't ask." You had a feeling that likely wouldn't go over well, but you were too busy being offended for being called a liar to give it much thought before it was out of your mouth.

Peter made noises that couldn't be classified as words as he waved his hands around in exasperation. "Wha- You- HOW- Were we really just supposed to ask, 'Hey, do you have any cool or weird powers you haven't told us about? Like glowing eyes or the ability to crush metal with your bare freaking hands?!'"

You don't respond, just stare off into a corner.

"I think you better start talking. Or, ya know, we can always hook you back up to this thing you hated so much until you spill the goods." Rocket said with a chuckle, holding up what you now mentally dubbed as a torture device. You couldn't quite tell if he was trying to lighten the mood or not, but either way it didn't work.

You blush and instinctively wrap your arms protectively around your middle. "You don't have to be mean about it..." you say, not making eye contact with anyone.

"Ok," says Gamora, trying to calm the situation down, holding her hands up in a placating gesture. "I think what Peter means is why didn't you say anything? Why didn't you feel you could trust us?"

That hurt. You didn't want them to think you thought so little of them. You sigh, "It's not like that. I just- I dunno."

"You don't know?" Gamora repeated, an eyebrow raised.

"Look, I'm sorry. Ok? It's not that I didn't trust you, I trust you guys with my life! I do! I- I just couldn't. I don't have a better answer." You did actually, but it was too complicated. You wanted to melt into the floor.

"Hey, I got a question." Kraglin spoke back up when everyone else seemed to be at a loss for words. "'While back, when Thor was here, he told you he thought ya looked familiar, and you got all nervous-like when you told him he was mistaken. Now, at the time I thought you was just crushin' on him mighty hard, but now you've got me thinking maybe you didn't wanna be recognized."

You cringed. You knew what he was referring to. When Thor had briefly been with the Guardians he came up to you, stating he swore he knew you from somewhere. You had replied that you merely had 'one of those faces' and that he was mistaking you for someone else before scurrying off to talk to Gamora.

You had lied.

Kraglin continued. "Cuz now that I think about it, you're kinda like him... Kinda like a-"

You knew what he was about to say, and you hated it. "Please don't-"

He finished the sentence anyway, "-god."

Something seemed to click for the rest of the team and they now stared at you wide-eyed. Little Groot's mouth dropped open, while Mantis covered hers. Peter and Gamora exchanged stunned glances with Drax. Yondu and Rocket each raised an eyebrow while Kraglin just looked at you expectantly for an answer.

You pinched the bridge of your nose. "Please don't call me that."

Peter stared at you. "You're a god?!" All this time... All this freaking time one of his friends had been a god and never told him?? Were you a celestial like Ego? Were you another Asgardian like Thor? He had so many questions, but couldn't verbalize any of them in his shock.

You shoot Kraglin a pained look. "Dammit! You've gone and made it all weird!" You turn back to Peter. "No! I'm not a god!" This seemed to relax the others some, but not much. Yeah, you seemed cool, but why hide you could do what you just did to the chair? What else were you hiding?

"But ya are, aren't ya? Like Thor, I mean." Kraglin pressed.

You scrambled for the right words. "I- No- Well, not exactly..." You hated this. Everything was so simple ten minutes ago, couldn't you just go back to that?

"I'm calling him." Rocket says, pulling out his media pad and beginning to dial.

"Wait! No no no no no!" you exclaim, stepping forward with your hands raised. You realized you shouldn't have done that, it looked suspicious as hell, but you panicked.

Rocket looked up at you, smirking, "Why? Is it because he'll recognize you and confirm you're like him? Or... wait..." He thought for a second. "Are you some kind of fugitive?"

"No!" you say, wincing. "I mean-" You brush a hand over your face. "Ok. I did know him," you admitted, making Kraglin laugh out a "Knew it!" You shoot him a look before returning to Rocket. "I'm not a god- or a fugitive- I would just rather he -uh- didn't remember me." Truthfully, it wasn't Thor you were worried about, it was his brother, and if Thor remembered you there was a chance he'd bring it up to Loki. But, that was another story for another day. Or never. Never was good.

The rest of the team gave you a weird look for a moment. Eventually Gamora asked suspiciously, "Why?" You being vague wasn't exactly helping you right now, but you couldn't help it.

"Just... personal reasons." you reply, hoping it would be enough.

Spoiler: it wasn't.

"Yeah, no, I'm calling him." Rocket said, he had already dialed and it was ringing. If there was one thing Rocket liked, it was uncovering other people's secrets, usually to hold them over there heads, and Thor was clearly a lead to figuring out yours.

Your eyes went wide in panic again and you tried to stop him, but before you could do anything Thor's face appeared in the screen and you muttered an, "Aw, fuck."

"Rabbit! Hi! It's been a bit, what brings you to call me?" Thor said cheerfully. "And everyone else is there, too! Hello!"

Mantis waved cutely at the screen and the others verbalized their greetings. Well, aside from Yondu and Kraglin, who just gave a nod to be polite.

"Hey Thor," Rocket started, "I was hoping you could settle something. You remember our friend here, right?" He turned the screen to you and you quickly changed your expression from exasperated pleading as you mouthed the word "No!" over and over with a wave of your hands into to a forced smile as you waved and awkwardly said "Hi, Thor..."

Rocket grinned, taking glee in watching you squirm. Yes, partially because he was a dick, but also because he was actually offended that you, his pranking buddy, had kept something like this from him. It hurt, and this was how he was choosing to deal with that.

"You know, I thought I did, but I was told it was a misunderstanding... although..." Thor said thoughtfully, squinting his eyes.

Your stomach sank.

Thors face lit up. "Oh yes! I knew I recognized you! You were one of mine and Loki's playmates when Mother and Father would visit old friends on Earth!"

You winced but retained your forced smile, but it immediately fell with what he said next.

"You were the lovely Nephilim girl that Loki would get into so much trouble with!" Thor laughed heartily. "My, it's been a long time. I don't really remember why we didn't keep in touch..."

Your eyes grew wide, you didn't expect him to just blurt out what you were right there and then. Part of you had still been naive enough to think it could have been avoided altogether. However, you didn't have much time to dwell on it before the other shoe dropped. Your stomach jumped into your throat when he asked, "Loki's around here somewhere... Would you like me to fetch him?"

"No!" you say, a little too loudly, before trying to cover, "No, that's fine Thor. I- I don't think that's the best idea!"

Thor didn't hear you, he was already too busy calling for Loki.

The others could see you were real nervous about Thor putting Loki on the call. Yondu and Kraglin exchanged a look that was a mix of suspicion and amusement. It was evident now you had been telling the truth about not being a fugitive, but why were you so nervous? Was this Loki fella an ex-boyfriend or something? And what even was a Nephlilim?

The question on Gamora's mind was why were you avoiding what were apparently your childhood friends if they didn't seem to be angry with you?

Rocket just grinned a shit-eating grin, clearly thinking he was about to see something very funny -- meaning completely embarrassing for you-- happen.

He wouldn't get to see that happen, however, because with a quick, "Goodbye, Thor!" you lunged forward to push the button that would end the call just before Rocket could pull away.

"Hey!" Rocket complained, "You know I can just call him back, right?"

"Later, Rat." Yondu said, looking at you inquisitively. "He said ya were a Nephilim, what's that?" He didn't think you were dangerous from what he'd seen of you before today. You were about as damn goofy as Peter was... but what if that had been a cover this whole time? He did just see you destroy that chair arm without even realizing, like it was nothing. Why else would you have hidden who/what you were from the team? He had to be cautious.

Peter spoke up. "I've heard of those. My grandparents made me go to Sunday school. It's like the baby of an angel and a human... and they're like... super powerful... but- but you're not supposed to be real!" he said, amazement in his eyes. "I thought that was all religious bullcrap! Does this mean that God, like thee God is real??" He was asking out of utter disbelief rather than anything, having never actually believed in any of that stuff, especially after being taken by Yondu when he was a boy.

You cringed so hard. "Peter please. You're being so embarrassing right now!" You covered your face before letting your hands fall again. The rest of the team just kind of stared at each other, not really sure what to do with all this information. "Look, if the dude exists, I've never met him, and that Terran religion stuff made things so awkward for people like me. And you wonder why I didn't tell!"

Now Peter looked a little sorry, and to your surprise he actually apologized. "Look, ok, I'm sorry. You're right, but can you blame us?"

Your shoulders fell and you sighed, breaking your gaze from his. "I get it, I do. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but why does it matter what I am? I'm still me. I'm still the same person."

Drax spoke up for the first time in a while, standing up from his chair to stand with you as he patted you on the shoulder. "This small neffle-thing is right. We are family. It shouldn't matter what anyone is."

You awkwardly pat his hand on your shoulder, honestly not expecting the sudden solidarity. "Thanks, buddy."

"I do have a question though." he added, removing his hand.

You dropped your head, muttering, "Dammit."

"Peter said your kind are very powerful, does that mean this whole time you've been holding back on missions?"

The realization of what Drax had asked put strange expressions on half the faces of your team. The kinda look that says, "Hey! You've been holding out on us! What the hell?!" Rocket nearly verbalized this sentiment as such with a, "Hey! He's right! How many jobs could we have just been in and out of with a snap of your fingers?! Rude, is what that is."

"Ok, first off, I can't make anything happen 'with the snap of my fingers,' ok? I just want to make that clear," you scolded. Your cheeks began to grow hot as you continued, "and secondly... um... none."

"None!? Quill just said you were some super powerful being, and you're really gonna tell us that none of your powers could have helped us on any of those missions?" Rocket stood staring at you in disbelief, his hands on his hips in a way that would have been super adorable if you weren't so uncomfortable right now.

"Yeah, I'm not exactly great at... controlling them." you admitted, rubbing your arm.

"You can't control them?" Gamora asked, sounding a bit surprised, and maybe a little sympathetic too.

"No." You admitted again, begrudgingly. You saw they were looking at you like they wanted some sort of explanation, so you sighed before making wildish gestures with your hands at the ruined chair arm, saying sarcastically, "Exhibit A! I broke the damn chair just because the damn trash panda... tickled me too hard with his electrocution-torture- thingy..." your sentence trailed off in a mix of bitterness and embarrassment, your face flushed a decent shade of scarlet as you crossed your arms. "You know, if you ask me this is all his fault. We wouldn't be having this conversation if it weren't for him."

"You can't blame me! It was supposed to hurt! Not my fault you didn't tell us you're some weird-god thing." Rocket then proceeded to mock you. "oH No! NoT AN elEcTRiC SHOCK! IT TiCkLES TOO mUcH! i'm GOnnA bEg ROCkEt FOR MERCY And BreAK A ChAIR BeCAUsE eVEn ThOUgh I'm a GOD i'm StiLL a Big bABy!"

"I hate you," you say flatly, glaring at him before looking up at the ceiling in frustration as you said, "and stop calling me a god, I'm not a god!"

The sound of laughter brought your gaze back to the team. It was Rocket, of course. Yondu and Kraglin were also snickering, mostly due to your pouty expression, but Rocket was definitely the loudest. You frowned. "It's not funny."

"The hell if it ain't," Yondu laughed. Everyone had been so surprised by what you had done to the chair that they actually had forgotten what had made you do it in the first place.

"Aw, don't give us that long face," Kraglin teased, still laughing. "It could've been worse. Getting tickled til ya break a chair is a whole lot less embarrasin' than gettin' tickled til yer pissin' yer pants."

You gave Kraglin a scandalized look as his comment earned snickers from more of the team. He might have been trying to make you feel better, but he had actually only embarrassed you more. The only one not actually laughing was Gamora, and she looked like she was going to tell the others off for you, but she was cut off by Rocket.

"Oh cheer up, or I'll do it again!" Rocket laughed, giving you a mischievous look. "That'll teach you to blame me! If you and Quill hadn't been bickering all the time I wouldn't have made this thing to shut you up!"

You glared at him. "Threaten me with that again and I'm taking it," you warned.

To your surprise, Yondu took that moment and actually snatched the device from Rocket himself. This surprised Rocket too, and he looked up at Yondu with a dejected, "Hey!"

"Sorry there, Rat, but we don't need anymore broken chairs." He chuckled and slipped you a wink as he slipped the device into one of the inside pockets of his duster. He might have been making a joke at your expense as he did it, but you were grateful for the gesture nonetheless. You didn't need Rocket threatening you with it every time he wanted something from you- and you know he would have. As did Yondu, hence why he snatched it. You may have been a goofy little shit like Peter, and you may have hidden powers (and don't get him wrong, he was still going to keep an eye on you), but he still liked ya well enough to save you from a sadistic raccoon, for now.

Rocket pouted, muttering something about "Never let me have any fun!" as he collected Groot and sulked off.

You smiled at Yondu in return, glad the mood had been somewhat lifted, even if it was at your own expense. After a beat you look back to Peter. "Are we good?" you asked, with so much more meaning behind those three words than just asking if you two were good. Peter could see that you were desperately asking not only for forgiveness, but acceptance. There was thinly veiled fear and nervousness in your eyes that he might cast you out for keeping this secret from the team, from him. It made him feel a little guilty.

He looked at you softly. "Yeah. I mean, I still have a lot of questions, but yeah, we're good."

"I guess that's fair," you say, a relieved grin cracking your face. "But another day, ok? It's late and I'm tired." With that you excused yourself for bed, barely waiting for an acknowledgment of what you said before you were walking away, eager to just get away from this conversation for now. You did smirk a little, however, when you heard Drax ask Peter if you being a "Neffleling" meant you were the tougher one, only for Peter to sigh irritably and say, "No, Drax," and Kraglin to laugh in response and say to Peter, "Nah, I think it does," just to rile him up.

Once you were gone Kraglin spoke again, wondering out loud what had happened with Loki that made you so nervous when Rocket called Thor.

This made Peter look back and share a look with the rest of the team. Kraglin was right. You were nervous enough to hang up the phone when Thor called for Loki to join the conversation. Nervous enough to wish Thor didn't remember your face.

What had happened?