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littleredlie · 4 years

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Malignant (S1P2)

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Chicago Med x doctor!OC Morgan Fitzgerald is a doctor at Chicago Medical, on her sister’s birthday she tries to stay focused on her patients without her emotions getting in the way, but it gets more difficult when a friend is in the hospital and her ex is lurking around. Based off S1E5 of Chicago Med.

5.3k+ Words

Featuring: Morgan Fitzgerald, Will Halstead, Natalie Manning, April Sexton, Maggie Lockwood, Ethan Choi, Daniel Charles, Sharon Goodwin, Connor Rhodes, Jay Halstead, Sam Zanetti, Kelly Severide, Christopher Herrmann Warning: Patient death, some cursing, angst, medical details that may or may not be wrong. A/N: Sorry I posted later than usual, yesterday was quite the day. Enjoy!

Part One

The morning was running a bit slow, not that Morgan didn’t appreciate it. She didn’t get any sleep last night and the coffee she was sipping was not helping at all. She could barely focus on the notes in front of her as memories of her older sister kept flashing in front of her eyes. Eventually she gives up and tears her eyes away from the glaring screen. Leaning back in the chair, she notices Mrs. Goodwin talking to Detective Halstead and Lt. Severide. She keeps looking for a moment, wondering what they were talking about. Momentarily, the detective’s eyes sweep over the ED’s space and they land on her. She quickly looks back down to the computer and tries to peek from her peripheral to see if he’s stopped looking. He has, but Morgan doesn’t want to be caught looking again so she forces herself to continue looking at the computer screen.

Her attention is brought back up again when she notices the detective walk toward where she was sitting. Her heart rate picks up a little as he nears her, but then she realizes that Will is standing right next to her. The detective doesn’t even take notice of Morgan's presence, and honestly that stung her a little bit. She clenches her jaw and continues forcing herself to look at the screen, when she fails again, she decides to eavesdrop on the detective and Will’s conversation.

“Can I ask you a doctor question?” Jay asks and Morgan notices the familiarity, she knew they were brothers of course, but she only witnessed their relationship a few times before.

“Sure, come on.” The brothers walk away a little to gain some privacy, but Morgan is still able to hear them. As she did move her chair a bit more to the right and turned so that her ear was exposed to them.

“Um, Herrmann?” His voice kind of hesitant

“Yeah,” Will asks, not fully paying attention.

“If he’d come in on your watch, would you have waited so long before doing anything?” It takes so much of the eavesdropping doctor’s will to not turn around and butt in, but she couldn’t. Jay and her weren’t close and eavesdropping on a colleague’s private conversation was not the best course of action.

“That’s a tough call.” Will sighs out. “It’s been a while since my surgical residency. And, you know, I wasn’t there for the exam so it’s hard to say.” Morgan could tell that Will was trying not to insinuate anything negative on Connor’s behalf and she hoped that Jay would take it, but he continues to egg on.

“Yeah, just in general.” He asks and Will basically gives in.

“In general?” He pauses for just a second, “ yeah, I probably would have gone in.” Natalie gives Morgan a smile as she walks by and Morgan almost misses it, but manages to throw one right back at her. “But, uh, again, I wasn’t there.”

At that Morgan scoffs and abruptly stands up, grabbing her tablet. She turns towards the brothers and tries to make a clean getaway, but Will stops her.

“Hey, Morgan.”

Morgan halts and closes her eyes, as if to calm herself, and hopes that something will fall out of the sky and allow her to be taken into a trauma room for treatment, but no such luck. She breathes out and slowly turns towards the Halstead brothers. “Yes, Dr. Halstead?” She questions, trying to keep her eyes off of Jay.

“I’d like you to meet my brother,” he points to the detective who Morgan can tell has gotten a little uncomfortable, but he sports a little grin on his face. “This is Jay. Jay, this is Dr. Morgan Fitzgerald.” He introduces the two, not knowing that they already know each other.

“Hi, Detective Halstead,” Morgan says, the tight smile on her face slightly distorting her words. Jay gives her a look, his eyes quickly darting to his brother, who is oblivious to what is going on. Morgan holds out a hand to him and he takes it, shaking gently.

“Hi, doctor. It’s nice to meet you.” His calloused hand was in hers for a little too long and she could remember the first time they were in hers. The actual first time they met.

December 2013

Morgan’s eyes were cast down to the tablet in front of her, but she was zoning out. One hand was stuffed in the pocket of her white coat, clutching the bracelet that she received for her birthday last year. A gift from her sister Olivia. Hayden had insisted that she stay home instead of forcing herself into work, but she needed a distraction. But now it seemed that it wasn’t working, especially after that last patient. She looked too much like Olivia.

Morgan’s focus continues to deplete as she stared like a statue, a few onlookers getting concerned. Especially Maggie.“Dr. Fitzgerald?” Her name falls on deaf ears as Morgan continues to stare at the screen. “Dr. Fitzgerald!” Maggie’s voice raises and Morgan finally snaps out of her trance.

“Sorry Maggie.” The doctor whips her head up and looks to the nurse. “What do you need?” She places the tablet on the desk and stuffs her hand back into the pockets of her scrubs. Maggie pauses for a few seconds, looking at the doctor with concern before finally turning to face the body behind her.

“This is Detective Halstead, he is on your Jane Doe’s case.” Morgan’s eyes finally land on the freckled man standing behind the charge nurse. Morgan could tell that he was handsome and it stuns her for a minute. He had freckles sprinkled all over his face and soft colored eyes.

It’s his voice that makes her pay attention.“Detective Halstead,” he repeats, holding his hand out for her. She takes it and his hand basically envelops hers. They were warm and calloused and hers were cold and smooth. A slight grin is on his face and Morgan thinks it compliments his face so much more.

“Dr. Fitzgerald. Morgan.” Their hands finally pull apart and Morgan doesn’t really like the emptiness the action left behind. “Jane Doe is up in ICU, I can take you.” She puts an arm out pointing in the direction towards the elevator and the detective begins walking. Maggie gives Morgan a look, her eyes flashing between the doctor’s tired face and the detective’s receding back. “Thanks for your help Maggie,” her eyes widened, as if she was telling the nurse to stop it.

Maggie just laughs and continues doing her job.Morgan finally walks up to Detective Halstead and presses the up button for the elevator. “So, I’ve never seen you around here before.” Morgan says, her eyes not on Halstead but the descending number as the elevator headed for their floor.

“Yeah, I just started with the Intelligence Unit.” He sheepishly says.

“Well congratulations.” She nods, not sure what else to say. She didn’t understand why it was taking the elevator so damn long to get there. “I’ve been here a little over a year myself. If you ever want a tour of the best places in Chicago, I am your girl.” She says, not knowing that he was also a Chicago native.

“Are you asking me out?” He says, a teasing tone obviously present and an amusing look on his face. Morgan chokes a laugh out, a little surprised and a little flabbergasted. She had no idea what to say cause that wasn’t her intention, but it wouldn’t be a bad thing if they did end up going out. Before she could open her mouth to say anything the bell dings, signifying that the elevator had arrived.

The brunette steps in first as Morgan is still trying to comprehend their conversation. She slowly steps in beside him and presses the button for the ICU’s floor. After a long day of sulking and mourning, a small smile finally shows up on her face as she takes in the presence that Detective Jay Halstead emitted.

Jay squeezes her hand slightly, and it pulls Morgan out of the memory. She rips her hand out of his too quickly after noticing how long she must’ve been holding it. Will actually notices this time and opens his mouth to say something to her, but she beats him to it.

“I’m sorry Jay, but I have a patient to take care of. It was nice meeting you.” before either brother could say anything to her, she turns around and bolts out of the ED.

❦

Later on, Morgan is making her way up to Lt. Herrmann’s room to check on him and Connor. She had heard that he was beating himself up about his decision about his patient and it didn’t help that there were others questioning his decision as well. When she arrived at the room, Kelly was also peering in. The lieutenant doesn’t notice her as he’s too busy glaring at Connor.

“You think it might’ve helped if you hadn’t waited so long?” Kelly asks and Morgan’s breath sits in her chest as she throws an accusing look at her acquaintance. He still doesn’t notice her standing next to him.

“Excuse me?” Connor turns, his eyes dashing to you quickly before landing on the firefighter.

“If you’d operated on him when we brought him in. Not waited.”

“Are you talking to me about medicine right now?”

“I’m talking to you about my friend,” Kelly points towards the unconscious Chris.

“Look, I’m gonna say this once, because he is my friend too.” He breathes out “I did what was right.”

“Well, some of your fellow docs don’t agree.”

“Really?” Connor steps closer, and Morgan steps forward as well, ready to throw herself between them if she had to. “Odd that they would share that with you and not me.” The men begin to glare each other down and Morgan forces herself from beside them. She puts herself between them, her back towards Connor and she looks up at the lieutenant.

“Lieutenant Severide, can I have a word with you?” He doesn’t stop glaring at Connor and Morgan can feel the tension continue to rise. “Kelly,” Morgan says sternly and he finally looks at her. She places a hand on his arm, tugs him away from the situation, and to a secluded corner. Connor turns away and walks down the hall, Morgan watches him before he disappears and she turns back to Kelly.

“What the hell was that Kelly?” Her arms are crossed across her chest and she huffs out, an angered look on her face. Kelly looks at her for a second before taking a few steps away. “Kelly!”

“His decision could’ve cost Chris his life! If he had operated sooner, we wouldn’t be in this position!” He practically yells, but Morgan doesn’t jump, instead she keeps her eyes on him.

“And you’re so sure about that?” He gives her a look of disbelief, a scoff escaping his lips.

“Of course you side with him.”

“Really Kelly,” this time she scoffs, “that’s how you want to do this?”

“Yeah, that’s how we’re doing this doctor.”

“Well Lieutenant, last time I checked you were a firefighter, not a doctor. Given the information that Dr. Rhodes had, he made the appropriate decision. A decision I would have made as well.” The agitated firefighter doesn’t look the doctor in the eye, instead glancing to his colleague’s recovery room. “Now questioning a decision that has been said and done will do nothing to help Herrmann, we are doing our absolute best to make sure that he will be okay. Pitting the doctors that are supposed to be taking care of him against each other will not help.” He finally looks down at her, trying to glare her down but she doesn’t back away. “Go walk it off Kelly.” Morgan says with a softer tone, her eyes pleading. And without waiting for a reply from him, she walks away, hoping that her words would persuade him to calm down.

❦

Morgan’s staring off into the distance, obviously upset. The day just seemed to dredge on and she constantly found herself thinking about her sister, which work was supposed to distract her from. For some reason, today was different. Her right hand was fiddling with the bracelet, as it always did on an anniversary related to Olivia.

“Morgan, you okay?” Will pulls up next to the distracted doctor, looking down at a patient’s charts.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just lost a patient.” She wasn’t necessarily lying. She did lose a longtime patient to cancer, but she didn’t delve deeper into how the day just seemed to be tainted in death for her. But after all these years Will knew when she was lying, she happened to bite her lip whenever she was.

“Are you sure Morgan, you’ve been a little off today.” He sits in the seat next to her, turning it to have his whole body face her.

“I’m okay Will,” she snaps before taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” She slips the bracelet into her pocket and Will notices but decides not to push since she seemed to be stressed already. “It just sucks that we can’t save everyone, you know. People keep dying and sometimes all we can do is watch.” She shrugs at the end of her sentence and turns her chair away so that she isn’t facing him anymore. He didn’t know why she didn’t just let him in, they’ve been friends ever since he came back to Chicago and started at Med.

“Morgan–” He isn’t allowed to continue as Maggie’s voice arises from somewhere in the ED.

“Rhodes and Halstead, we’ve got an incoming!” The charge nurse’s eyes on the cube in her hands as she begins directing the doctors.

“Got it!” Rhodes says grabbing some gloves from a box.

“Wanna help us out?” Will asks Morgan, nodding his head towards the doors.

“Sure,” Morgan shrugs nonchalantly. Will nods, still a little concerned for her, but he allows for the two of them to get to work..

“What do we got?” Connor asks as he, Morgan, and Will make their way up to the bay doors. Morgan pulls the gloves on her hands as the paramedic reports.

“25-year-old witnessed seizure in the street. She was clipped by a swerving car. GCS 3, intubated in the field.” They continue moving her deeper into the ED, turning to wheel her into the trauma room. “102 over 60, tachy at 110.”

“Alright, on my count.” Dr. Rhodes starts, “One, two, three.” Together, the team moves her onto the treatment table. “Give me a laryngoscope to confirm the tube. X-rays of the chest and pelvis, then to CT for a pan-scan.”

“Yes, doctor.” A nurse answers.

Morgan has her stethoscope on her chest, listening. “This isn’t a trauma. She went down before she was hit.” Dr. Halstead says to his colleagues hoping that it would change the route of treatment.

“But we don’t know the damage, she was hit by a car.” Connor rebutes quickly.

“Because she had a seizure,” Halstead says back.

Morgan huffs out a breath and focuses on the patient. “She’s tachy. Sats are down.” A nurse says and Morgan nods.

“Alright, let’s give her 500 milligrams of keppra.” Morgan says after viewing her pupil reaction with a light.

“Yes, doctor.” A nurse answers and proceeds.

“She’s got a chemo port.” April points out after cutting the patient’s shirt off.

“I’m telling you, the money’s in the seizure. We gotta figure that out,” Will reassures trying to get Morgan to agree. “Get a CBC, CMP, HCG, and a tox screen. Tell CT we’re going for the head only, not the whole body.” Before April could step away to put in the orders, Connor interrupts.

“No, tell CT that we’re going for the whole body. Now.” The tension in that small treatment room was suffocating for Morgan, if she wasn’t so focused on the patient, she might’ve gone off on her coworkers. “Must be nice, having so many opinions.” Connor bites.

“I have opinions about how I handle incoming patients. I don’t like that QT on the monitor.”

“On it!”

“You by any chance share those opinions with your brother?”

“What, Herrmann?” Will asks, but he knows the answer. “Look, Jay asked, so I told him.”

Before Connor could say something again, Morgan interrupts with a growl, “Boys, not now!” They give Morgan a look, but drop the issue returning their undivided attention back to the unconscious patient.

“What’s happening?” A new voice enters the room and Doris interjects, trying to pull her out of the room. A chime on the monitor goes off and pulls everyone’s attention to it.

“She’s in V-tach!” Morgan states and a nurse gives off her blood pressure. “I can’t get a pulse.

“We need a crash cart, start compressions, now!” Connor orders and Will begins.

“We’re losing her.” The flatline corroborates that statement, but Will continues compressions.

“Charge to 200. Clear!”

Dr. Halsted pulls his hands off of Dani’s chest,“clear!” And Dr. Rhodes shocks her. When nothing happens, Will continues compressions, waiting for the next shock.

“Come on, come Dani.” Morgan watches Will performing CPR. For some reason the doctor’s heart was beating out of her chest, a pit was forming at the bottom of her stomach, she couldn’t lose her.

“Milligram of epi.”

“One of epi.” April repeats.

“Clear!”

Will again pulls his hands off her chest again, “clear!” And they do it again, shocking Dani while her partner pleads from the door of the room. When nothing happens again, this time it’s Dr. Fitzgerald that orders another round of epi, but everyone hesitates.

“Dr. Fitzgerald.” April starts, but Morgan isn’t having it.

“Now.” Morgan steps in the way of Will and continues compressions on the patient’s chest.

“One of epi,” April says, knowing it’s a lost cause.

“Stop compressions,” Connor says after a moment, but Morgan doesn’t stop.

“Dr. Fitzgerald,” Will starts, putting a hand on Morgan’s back, but she continues. “Morgan,” he says softly this time and she finally pulls herself away, staring at the dead patient in front of her. Will gives her a concerned look, as he notices the crumpling look on her face.

“Time of death: 16:21.” At that Morgan lets a breath out and the woman at the door begins to cry. Morgan rips off her gloves and steps out of the room, not willing to see the heartbreaking scene in front of her.

Why did today have to be so suffocating for her? Her eyes begin to tear up and without stopping she lightly jogs out through the lobby to the front of the building. The tears finally escaped down her face. With her hands on her hips, she looks up to the night sky trying her hardest to stop crying and to control her breathing.

“Morgan?” She recognizes the voice and at that moment she wants the world to swallow her whole, she didn’t want him to see her like this. Looking down, she sees Jay Halstead approaching her body and unknowingly she steps back, but he doesn’t seem to notice. “Are you okay?” There is genuine concern in his eyes, they’re gentle and she remembered how much she missed looking into his eyes.

Morgan roughly wipes away her tears and sniffles, not yet looking at him. “I’m fine, Jay.” She pauses, not sure on how much to tell him. “Just lost a patient, that’s all.”

“Are you sure?” He pushes, knowing she’s hiding something.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” She gives him a smile that doesn’t reach her eyes, hell, it barely makes it past her lips.

“You’ve been a doctor for over three years now Morgan, I’ve never seen you react–.”

“Well Jay, we only dated for seven months and you’ve barely spoken to me in the last two years. I’ve changed.” She snaps, interrupting him, trying her hardest to mask any other reason for her to break down this easy.

“You don’t have to talk to me, I get it.” He puts himself in her point of view, forcing her to finally look at him. “But talk to someone, please.” He looks at her waiting for some type of response. Unwittingly, a tear escapes Morgan’s eyes and she hesitantly nods. Jay gives her a soft smile.

“So,” he starts trying to lighten the mood, “you didn’t tell my brother about us.” At that Morgan gives out a short chuckle, wiping the tears away and fully turning towards the detective.

“No, I didn’t. There was no point in doing so,” Morgan shrugs, seeing a hint of amusement in his eyes. “We were broken up and I wasn’t here for even a year yet, didn’t want to ruin the dynamic that Will and I were building.” She glances away, before a realization arises in her mind. “Why didn’t you tell him?”

“I guess for the same reason,” he shrugs now, but his voice is soft.

“How’re things with Erin?” Jay grimaces, but Morgan laughed. His partner was the reason she broke up with him, she didn’t feel like becoming a second choice. She didn’t feel like competing against a woman that he spent so much time with where she barely saw due to their hours. If you love them, gotta let them go, right?

“Things are good, we’re good.”

“That’s good. I’m happy for you. Really.” He looks at her, a solemn look on his face, words ready to pour out about their past relationship. Morgan, however, doesn’t want to hear it, she spent months trying to get over the handsome detective, she didn’t need him to dredge up old feelings. Gladly, her pager goes off and she sees that she’s being called to check up on another one of her patients. “Are you here to see Will or something?”

Jay is confused at her question at first before realizing that the opportunity to talk had passed. “Yeah, yeah I am”

“I’ll walk you in.” Together the two walk into the hospital, muttering a quick goodbye. Will exits the ED and sees the interaction between his brother and Morgan, he glimpses at the comfortable aura between them and makes a note to address it later, after he confronted his brother about their conversation earlier.

❦

After discharging a patient that was wheeled in earlier, Morgan’s phone beeps and she fishes it out from the pocket of her scrubs. It was from Dr. Charles. The doctor was anxious, hoping that this wasn’t a talk about her overreacting behavior with Dani. Taking a deep breath to call her nerves, she makes her way down to the morgue. When she gets to the hallway that leads to her destination, she is caught up with Will and Connor. They greet each other, but Morgan ignores them, and she especially ignores the concerning looks that they were both giving her. The boys stop in front of the morgue’s door, but Morgan does not feel like sticking around for their conversation, so she walks in between them and enters.

Dr. Charles is standing in the room alongside the medical examiner and he greets her. “Dr. Fitzgerald, here.” He hands her a sheet and she looks down to it. It’s the results for her patient, Dani who was lying dead in front of her. Morgan takes the paper and takes a step away from the body, Dr. Charles notices. Soon, Halstead and Rhodes step into the room. “Gentlemen,” Dr. Charles says, also handing them a sheet.

Rhodes looks down and reads the results, coming to the same conclusion Morgan did when she read it. “Dani OD’ed on chemo. That explains why she seized in the street.”

Dr. Charles nods and gives a sigh out, “that’s not the troubling part. Yeah, she was loaded up on chemo. But this woman,” he says to Dr. Fitzgerald, “never had cancer.” It was like he was trying to tell her that she could not have saved her, that it wasn’t her fault that she was gone.

All Morgan knew was that it didn’t help.

❦

Now, Dr. Choi, Dr. Halstead, Dr. Rhodes, and Dr. Fitzgerald stood in Mrs. Goodwin’s office listening to Dr. Charles’s hypothesis about the two women who OD'd on chemo.

“Two patients in one day overdose on chemo and neither had cancer.” He hands something to Mrs. Goodwin while Morgan goes through the patients’ charts.

“Which, I must admit, does seem suspicious.” Goodwin replies, setting her glasses on her nose.

“Well, it could be a new oncologist in town making incorrect diagnoses.” Connor remarks, but doesn’t sound like he has convinced himself.

“Or even just mixing up a few charts,” Dr. Choi adds.

“Yeah, but even then, why the overdoses?” Morgan asks, finally looking up to the people in the room. “And on the same day? It doesn’t add up.”

“What do we know about these women?” Sharon asks, taking off the glasses and pointing her attention to Dr. Charles.

“Jessica’s note said she felt betrayed.” He answers her.

“And Dani’s girlfriend said Dani was upset about something, but wouldn’t talk about it,” Will speaks up.

“Something was going on with both of these women,” the psychiatrist continues.

“Yeah, but we don’t have any medical records, and no information that might link them.” Morgan points out looking back to the charts, trying to find some reason as to why they overdosed on chemo.

Goodwin brainstorms out loud, “I’m going to get in touch with some local oncologists, see if there have been any problems with their chemo or if they’ve had other patients in the same condition. Thank you,” she nods to the doctors and they begin to head out. Connor places his hand on Morgan’s lower back and leads the two of them away from Choi and Halstead.

“Hey, are you okay?” The look on his face shows that he knows what she’s going through.

“Um,” Morgan hesitates and breathes out, looking down the hall where Will seems to be waiting for her. “Yeah, it’s just that–” Morgan trails off, looking everywhere but Connor’s eyes.

“It’s Olivia’s birthday,” he finishes for her and almost immediately, tears begin to cloud Morgan’s eyes. She collapses against her friend, his arms immediately wrapping around her.

Will watched them, he watched how open and vulnerable Morgan was with Rhodes. He understood that they knew each other since their childhood, but Rhodes has been gone for the past few years, and Will had been there instead. Or maybe he hadn’t been, as he looked at Morgan sobbing in Rhodes’s arms, he wondered if he ever really knew her, if she could ever allow him in her life like she allows Connor. He walks away from them, giving them space and himself time to think.

Connor reluctantly pulls away from Morgan, wiping away the tears from her face. “She would’ve been 32 years old, possibly married, maybe a few kids. I don’t know, I’ll never know,” Morgan whispers the last part, looking down at her feet. “I don’t know why I’m letting this affect me so much.” She angrily sighs out, turning away from Connor.

He lays a hand on her shoulder, “It was barely four years ago and Olivia was brutally murdered, it’s gonna take time. Maybe you should talk to Dr. Charles.”

“Well how much time until I am so distracted that I end up affecting a patient?” She yells, receiving a few annoyed and confused looks from some bystanders. At this time Dr. Charles is stepping out of Goodwin’s office and his attention is brought to the two arguing doctors. Morgan doesn’t want to be analyzed by the psychiatrist and she’s tired of the look of pity on Connor’s face, so she decides to remove herself from the situation.

“Morgan–”Connor begins, but she has already begun to walk away.

❦

The end of her shift was two hours ago, but she was still at the hospital, on the roof staring at the Chicago skyline. She couldn’t go home, she knew she wasn’t gonna be able to get any sleep tonight. A breeze danced around the doctor’s body and she tried her hardest to retreat deeper into her jacket, but it wasn’t helping much. The wind pushed the curls of her hair to brush against her face and despite this very reason, Morgan liked having her natural hair out. She felt a little bit more in control, a bit more free, a bit more beautiful. The braids she had in her hair last month were getting harder to handle, so she was okay with letting her hair and scalp breathe for a bit. Over the years her hair grew remarkably well and she was starting to feel a lot more confident in herself. Maybe she’d let it out longer than a few weeks.

“Hey, I didn’t know you were still here.” Morgan turns to Connor’s voice, he’s walking towards her.

“Yeah, I have a patient downstairs that I don’t want to leave.” He looks at her, knowing that she’s not telling the whole truth. But he doesn’t push her, at least not for now.

“I heard what you did for me today.” He leans next to her on the railing, his eyes peering out as well.

“What? With Kelly?” She asks and Connor nods. “It’s no big deal. They’re all one big family and can get a little hostile without noticing. I just had a little talk with him.”

“How long had you known him?”

“I met him shortly after I started my residency here, through an ex.”

“An ex?” He chuckles, “who?”

“Someone not important. He’s not really in my life anymore. But after deciding to maintain my paramedic license, I rode along a few times with their station and got close to them. I had hoped I could use my relationship with them as an advantage to talk Kelly down.”

“Well thanks.” He nudges her and she smiles, “however, you don’t always have to come to my rescue. Especially when you won’t let me come to yours.”

“It’s not that Connor, it’s just that sometimes there’s this look you give me. Like I’m broken and you want to fix me. I already get it from the rest of my family, and from Hayden. I don’t want that from you.”

“I understand, but it’s because I care about you Morgan.” He slings an arm around her shoulder and she leans against him.

“I appreciate it, and I promise that I’ll let you know if I need rescuing. But for now, let me just have my best friend, okay?”

“Alright, I’ll hold you to that promise.” He chuckles. For a moment, they’re quiet, leaning against each other, letting their troubles past them even for just a moment.

“So, you and Dr. Zanetti? I did not see that coming.” She looks at Connor skeptically and he scoffs at her.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He looks down at Morgan, genuinely curious.

“I don’t know, it’s just that she’s her and you’re you. She’s the definition of an egotistical surgeon and you’re not.” Connor looks at her, urging her to continue, but Morgan knows it’s not her place. “But that’s just my opinion, I’m sure she’s nice and you wouldn’t be dating her if there wasn’t something there.”

“Is there some history between the two of you.” He asks, removing his arm from around the ED doctor.

“Just some disagreements on invasive versus less invasive procedures, it’s not a big deal. Don’t let my professional troubles ruin your personal life.” Connor nods his head, still a little wary of Morgan’s attitude towards his girlfriend. As he should be, Morgan felt a little jealousy clawing away at her insides, she didn’t understand why. It wasn’t like Connor was going to disappear out of her life now that he was dating Sam. Or maybe it was the fact that Morgan wasn’t his girlfriend, but that thought never crossed her mind.

“Are you dating anyone?”

“God, no. I don’t have the time for dates or caring about another person’s schedule. I did it a while in 2013, we dated, but we had opposite schedules and so I ended it.”

“When did you first get here? Morgan, that was almost three years ago!”

“No it was, two years ago. We broke up in 2014 and I just haven’t made time to go out.”

“God, you’re ridiculous.”

“Thank you, but I’m fine with it.” She shrugs and Connor just shakes his head, not really understanding her decision. If only he understood that the universe was working against the two, it was never the right time for the both of them.

“Come on Morgan, let me drive you home.” Morgan nods and the two of them make their way down to the first floor. She could feel a little bit of the weight rising off of her shoulders as the two of them finally left the hospital.

Part Three

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weylanbigger25-blog · 5 years

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kkas-art · 6 years

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Hi! Ok first off I really love your art! (Especially that V and Mc drawing did you use watercolour for the background? Cuz I love that effect!!!♡) and I was wondering if you use a tablet that had a screen or not because I wanna buy a drawing tablet to start digital art but I know nothinggg! Sorry for bothering you!! Hope you have a good day!

Thank you! The sketch request was fun and I’m happy you enjoy it ^^ I don’t wanna disappoint you, but I added the watercolor digitally to make it look a bit more interesting, like this:

I use clip studio paint and I downloaded the watercolor material from clipstudio assets - I really love it as it gives the art a softer look ^^

My thoughts on drawing tablets under the cut (because it’s long hehe):

Since a few months, I’m indeed using a Huion kamvas screen tablet. I believe it allows me to draw faster and more accurate. Because I used to draw traditionally ONLY (except for a handful occasions) until about a year ago, it feels more natural. I always wanted a screen tablet, I’ve studied other artists using wacom cintiqs, but as you may know those are super expensive.

The first tablet I bought (in… 2013 maybe?) was a wacom bamboo pen & touch [special edition] (medium) - but I was very discouraged for it was so different compared to drawing on paper, so I didn’t use it at all, only once a year to take part in a competition. Actually, it was a very good device - I was just too lazy to practise! When I decided I wanted to post art to show my love for the content I appreciate, I thought it was better to draw digitally, because the scanner I posses messes up colors badly. Determination is key! And so I got used to it, starting to practise for real (the first post on my blog is actually the first full illustation I was happy with back then).

Even when I won a wacom intuos draw (small), I continued to use my old tablet until it broke this spring/ summer orz. The newer generation tablet had its perks, but the smaller size was tricky to handle. I’m convinced it is possible to create beautiful art even with a small tablet, but for me it took more time too.

I eventually decided I wanted to invest in speed, so I did a lot of research and finally got lucky when I bought my Huion kamvas with a big discount (and my savings rip). It still wasn’t cheap tho. And you need to make compromises. Huion is a relatively new company and poses a serious competitor for Wacom - if you’re on a budget you should definetly look into Huion tablets too ^^ Search for helpful reviews on youtube!

That is why, to conclude, I would recommend not to buy a screen tablet to start with digital art (except if you’re super rich, then go wild xD). I know about many artists who are waaaaay more skilled than I am and they can work magic with a “normal” drawing tablets!!! Composition, color theory, creative ideas and awarenes of the possibilities of digital art etc. play a huge part beyond the electronic device you’re using ^^ It also depends on your style - while I benefit from the ability to make lines more easily, I’ve heard from artists who prefer non-screen tablets for a more painting-like style.

All in all, if you’re starting out, get yourself a less expensive model to try out drawing digitally before you’re spending lots of money for a medium that turned out you don’t like to use!

I hope I could help ^^

#ask #kkas talks #art help #deciding which talet to buy is always hard #have fun starting!!#sorry this got so long #Anonymous

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niedopalek · 6 years

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y'all I think my drawing tablet's busted for real...the light won't turn on no matter what now and this little piece detached from it...rip Queen 2013-2018

#niedshit #guess I gotta relearn traditional art until I can somehow acquire a new one #I really did get this tablet for my birthday march 2013 when I was knee-deep into Homestuck #that's surreal to think about #also don't mind my horribly cratered desk I've had it since I was like 4

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oflaertes · 6 years

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kat & lawrence - pacific rim au

Lawrence Vernon hasn’t gone into the drift in over half a decade.

Back then, he’d been unstoppable. He and his sister had never been an expected pair, had never been the kind of siblings that people thought would be able to take on a Kaiju and win. It had been a shock to the entire nation when the Capulets and the Montagues, the notorious San Francisco mobs that basically ran the western half of the United States, had come together and formed a super powered Jaeger program. The Golden Gate bridge fell in 2013, and two weeks later the mobs came together to work with the US government to figure out a way to fight against future attacks. A year later the Jaeger program was born, and while Alvise Vernon wasn’t one of the first pilots to step foot in a Jaeger, he’s one of the first test subjects for the pons system that would power later Marks of the Jaegers.

The world holds its breath when Alvise Vernon first steps into the drift with Cosimo Capulet. They don’t breath again until Charlie Tango is launched and they watch as the Jaeger takes Ragnarok down with a sword through his abdomen.

But then 2016 comes, and both pilots are diagnosed with cancer.

Alvise Vernon died two weeks before they found a treatment, little black capsules that, if taken regularly, would hold the doors closed to Death.

And so he died.

Lawrence Venon had already been two years into his training at the Jaeger academy, twenty-one years old with a pension for strategy and tactics that no one was surprised by. Everyone foresaw the Vernon boy joining ranks. It was in his blood, written into the very marrow of his bones; from the day his father had joined the Jaeger program everyone knew that his son would follow suit.

No one saw Odessa Vernon coming, Lawrence least of all.

But then Alvise Vernon had died, and something in his little sister shifted. She’s seventeen when Alvise dies, and when she turns eighteen four weeks later, no one on the planet can stop her from joining the Jaeger academy. At first Lawrence was angry, with himself most of all for not being able to stop her, but then he started training with her, vowing that if she was going to be there then he was going to do everything in his power to make sure that she was ready, that she was the best. Then the unthinkable became obvious to the entire program: the Vernon siblings were drift compatible. Where he denied his heart at every turn, Odessa thrived on hers. They were opposites in so many ways, but complimented each other perfectly, and they brought the same kinds of weight into the drift with them, and when the Mark-3 Sierra Zulu gets launched with the pair of them inside, they’re unstoppable.

But then Reckoner comes through the breach, the first category three, and everything changes. Sierra Zulu shoves a nuclear first through Reckoner’s eye, and when she disappears below the waves moves to save the fishing boat nearby from being drowned in the tides. Reckoner’s signature never died, but coms were knocked out in the fight and when she surged up from the water, Sierra Zulu never saw her coming. She sunk her jaws into Sierra’s right, and Lawrence felt his sister die in the drift when she got ripped from the Jaeger. Lawrence piloted Sierra on his own after that, shoving another nuclear blast through Reckoner so strong a hole blasted through her neck, severing head from body.

They find Lawrence two days later, on the coast of Alaska, near dead, and he vows to never step foot in a Jaeger again. So Lawrence Vernon becomes a myth among pilots, a kind of legend.

But then Cosimo Capulet flies a helicopter into his work zone and stands before him in a peacoat, telling his former partner’s son that he needs him. With soot in his lungs and fire in his blood, Lawrence steps on the helicopter and can’t bring himself to look back.

And a legend becomes blood again.

What he doesn’t expect is Katarina du Pont. When he steps off the helicopter onto the military base on Russia’s Kamchatka Peninsula and sees her there, he feels his heart skip a beat, and when Cosimo introduces her and she says to Cosimo in fast Russian “Я ожидал чего-то лучшего.” I expected something better. It’s clear she expects he won’t be able to understand.

So Lawrence just grins for a moment, then says “Я полна сюрпризов.”

I’m full of surprises.

He likes it better when he realizes that’s true of her, too.

He thinks it must be a mistake when he hears that she’s not stepped foot in a Jaeger, when one of the few other pilots in the programs tells him that Capulet refuses to let her anywhere near one of the actual machines. She tells him that she’s had 76 kills for 76 drops in the simulations, and his grin is devilish at her arched eyebrow.

She’s daring him to question her.

And he’s always loved a challenge.

It’s why, when he fights against candidate after candidate of her choosing and won against each of them, he digs his nails into the top of his staff and stares up at her from the training mat and says “How about you and I give it a try.”

Her eyebrows rise up, and he can see her trying to cage her grin.

Cosimo moves to say something, but she beats him to it. “You couldn’t handle it if you tried, pretty boy.”

“I just beat all six of the candidates you chose,” he says with a laugh, shaking his head incredulously.

“And you could have beat them all three moves sooner.”

At that Lawrence’s own eyebrows raise. “You think so?”

“I know so.”

“Then show me,” he says, and is only mildly surprised when Cosimo immediately looks angry.

“No,” he says quickly, grasping his hands in front of his person and shifting his shoulders uncomfortably. “You’ll stick to the list we came up with, Ranger. Only candidates who showed drift compatibility can–”

“Which I have,” she says sharply, voice quiet but Lawrence can hear her all the same.

“What’s the matter, Capulet? Afraid I’ll beat her?”

Lawrence knows he’s beaten Cosimo the moment he issued the challenge. He and Alvise had always been the same that way–they could never handle their power being questioned, and Katarina is an extension of his.

“Go,” he says, his jaw tight, taking the tablet from her hands. He sees her whisper something else in her ear, but he can’t quite make it out. The set to Kat’s jaw when she steps down from their observation position though makes him wonder what it was.

But in the end it doesn’t matter, because his last opponent is hanging over his staff to the woman and she’s slipping her combat boots off her feet first, then her socks. He watches her slowly unbutton the blue shirt she’s wearing, and if this were any other moment Lawrence think’s he’d have liked to step up to her and help her with them, crash his lips against her own until neither could tell where the other ends, but this is about something more, something bigger than either of them, and when she slips it off her shoulders to reveal the black tank top beneath Lawrence has pushed any such thoughts already out of his mind. When they both step forwards, matching each other stride for stride and keeping eye contact, he finally speaks again.

“Remember it’s all about conversation,” he says, watching as she steps to his right shoulder and then they are stepping past each other. Out of the corner of his eye, he keeps his gaze always on her, trying to lock his mind into her own. “This isn’t a fight; the goal isn’t about winning or losing.” He turns then so that they’re fully facing one another again, this time from the opposite ends of the mat. “That said, I’m not going to hold back my moves, so keep up.”

He watches her tuck a stray lock of hair behind her ear then, wonders what’s hiding behind her smile. “Worry about your own head, princess,” she says, rolling her shoulders. “I don’t need you holding anything back.”

And then they’re dancing, his brows knit in careful concentration. Sweat glistens on his brown skin, and he can feel it catching on the fabric of his own dark tank top. He twists his own staff in a fast circle over top his head, wrists twisting and he sees her smirk slightly, catching her own staff as it nearly cracks down towards his arm. It’s all instinct then, watching her as she moves lightening quick, spinning in a quick circle to try and catch him with the staff time and time again. He catches her almost every time, blocking her when she moves to strike at his left leg, then again when she nearly catches him at his side. She stops him when he ducks and rolls and almost comes up to catch her in the abdomen. It’s an excruciating minute before he finally finds his first opening, his staff hovering just in front of her face as she moves to twist the staff at her side.

“1-0,” he says, cocking his head to the side.

She gets him back quicker than the flash of a whip, striking her staff out from its position at her side to nearly catch him in his side. He stops her initially, but her anger and his now glowing pride work together to gain her a foothold. This time it is a mirror image, with his staff about to move to strike at her side while her’s sits neatly in the air, just between his eyes.

“1-1,” she says, and somewhere in his chest he thinks his pride has only grown, not shrunk.

When she pulls her staff perfectly parallel to the ground and takes a step back, giving them each half a second to breathe and find their footing, he’s still smiling.

He’s glad when he sees that she is too.

But then he drops his smile for a second, striking out just as quickly as she had the second go around and knocking his staff into her right side. “2-1,″ he voices, the expression in his eyes clear. Never trust your opponent. He takes his own step backwards, and speaks again. “Concentrate.”

Then he winks, and he thinks it almost makes her laugh.

If she’d been winning, he thinks it would have.

They move at the exact same moment this time, each of them throwing a blow at the same time as the other, striking out each other with viciousness and candor, neither holding anything back. They are both lightning fast, spinning around each other and their staffs, one stepping back while the other steps forwards, then back the other direction, matching each other blow for blow, move for move. No one is sure for a second when they stop moving who has gotten the point, then they see Kat’s staff in the space between Lawrence’s thighs, and they know she could have slit his femoral artery in a heartbeat if they’re been fighting with blades.

“2-2,” she says, finally almost laughing, a chuckle escaping her throat as she tilts her head slightly, a taunting grin making its way to her cheeks. “I thought you said you weren’t going to hold anything back?”

Lawrence’s doesn’t reply, just shifts back a step into another starting position, with his staff tight to his side while he watches her shift into one of her own. The staff is extended slightly in front of her, hands in the perfect spot for handling it near to her body, so when she strikes he does so from a distance, using a single hang to deliver his strikes, spinning around so that he can keep her at arms length and match her blows this way. It’s a different style to the one he’d been using for the first half of the fight; he’s intentionally trying to throw her off, to see if she will be able to read him the way he thinks he’s starting to be able to read her.

She rises to the occasion.

Lawrence may be fast, and he may be skilled, but he’s thrilled to see that Kat is too. She arches to strike again, this time slamming her weapon down with the strength of a girl twice her size, but it slows her down a hair’s breath and he’s able to catch her staff with his own, pulling it towards him with both hands until she’s forced to roll to the mat and come up on one knee––his staff to her neck.

“3-2,” he says, his eyes alight.

“Контроль,” he hears from over his shoulder, and sees the way the fire in her eyes dims a notch. Control, he’d said. Just a single word, barely a breath, but it changed her entire demeanor.

He allows her to rise to a stand, but is quickly forced to throw himself to the side when she doesn’t wait so long to throw the next blow, rolling over his shoulder on the mat himself this time, careful to use his staff to help him come to a standing position the way he hadn’t allowed her to when he flipped her. He’s got his back to her for a half-second when he rises, but he can already sense the blow coming and he arches backwards so that the staff flies over the top of him. He spins quickly around, trying to get another blow in, but he steps to her and she steps to him and where he has the tactical mind, she has him in speed.

“3-3,” she says, her staff between his eyes again.

Then they’re dancing again, staffs cracking against each other blow after blow, like thunder claps against a dark sky. He can’t hear the audience crowded around the mat anymore, and the entire world has narrowed to this–to him and Katarina du Pont as she rears back to strike again and again, thrusting her staff upwards to try and catch him in the neck, spinning it over her head and low to the ground, forcing him to jump. She catches him perfectly and nearly gets a strike in when she flips him over her back, but he’s learned her speed and he rolls away when she flips him to the ground. He hears her staff smack against the ground where he was only half a second ago, and he’s almost smiling when he rolls to a stand and strikes out at her. They trade blows, staffs cracking against each other, the noise ringing around them like some kind of song.

This, he thinks, is what magic tastes like.

Blood and sweat, and the knowledge that you’re understood.

The final move comes when he swings his staff out to catch her neck and she bends her knees and ducks, jutting her staff out between his legs again and swinging it around to meet her other hand. She pulls it back towards her and forces his right knee to bend while she slides to the floor between his legs, rolling until she is kneeling again on one knee––with him deadlocked on the ground.

“4-3,” she says, her chest heaving with exhaustion as much as Lawrence’s own.

“That’s enough,” Cosimo Capulet says from somewhere that feels very far away, and when Katarina releases him and then extends a hand towards him to help him stand again, he thinks his father’s former co-pilot has it just right.

She’s not just enough.

She’s everything.

#katarinadupont #katherine #meme answers.#THIS IS SIDNEYS FUCKING FAULT #SHE KNOWS PACIFIC RIM IS MY /BIGGEST WEAKNESS

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mscolorsplash · 6 years

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Rip laptop 2013 - 2018

my faithful companion whom has stored and all of the art I have drawn, recorded my speedpaints...even used to start this blog

my mother saw it fall off a car. and as she tried to chase the person down she lost tack of them. And ended up taking it home to me and it's been with me ever sense.

Is now dead. it can't take no more and it died on me I the middle of drawing!

sooooo there will be a minor pause of art till I can get my other laptop I usually use for school . prepared install Photoshop and my tablet etc.

I'm sad

so I'm making this post to honor it memory and to remember all the good time we had

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devandahlcourte-work-in-progress · 3 years

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Author’s note…

Everything posted before this, in the novel entitled If And Only If will have typos. There still may be some in the next twenty-two posts I am about to make. In the last 54 days I have gone over everything to improve the quality as much as possible. Prior to this, I only got as far as the first thirteen sections… which may have been about the first 30 to 40 chapters. With the exception of the Prologue, each chapter is named after a person or alien entity, not numbered.

The section numbers are a result of how I originally stored the papers when I was hand writing this stuff at the homeless shelter and on the streets so that my anterograde amnesia wouldn’t confuse me and cause me to lose everything at once. Eventually the numbers will disappear and every chapter will just have a name like in Robert A. Heinlein’s (RIP) Number of the Beast.

After I got someone’s phone with an uncracked camera lens on it, I photographed all my original handwritten documents and then used free wifi at a downtown hospital to send dozens of emails to myself with several .jpg attachments each, so that the book would be waiting for me when I got out. Once I had a stable place and wasn’t homeless, I started reading my handwritten notes to an old broken iPhone 6s using the talk-to-text feature.

MOST of the typos resulted from that. Those are the raw files that appear on my other tumblr account under “This one’s real so believe the hype. “

I am now up to slightly over a hundred thousand words and I obviously need to get everything in one place. I haven’t so far had, and still don’t have, any kind of typewriter or computer. I’ve been doing all this on a variety of old broken and disconnected phones and one old galaxy tablet from 2013. It’s taken me years to get to this point from where my pen first hit the paper (some time in early 2015) and I’ve forgotten that I was writing it on a number of occasions. Thanks anterograde amnesia!

Since last year I’ve developed a system of tricks to remind myself that I’m supposed to be writing this. As of now I’d say book one in the series is more than half finished, at just over 101,000 words. Seven years ago tumblr seemed like a good choice, I guess. I’ve since noticed that it doesn’t recognize italicized text or underlined text in my original files when I copy and paste them to make posts here. I originally had some characters use words in all caps, rarely, when they were yelling or needed to emphasize something very urgent. Professional authors online then advised me that I should stick with italics or underlining for that in most cases.

While I am happy that tumblr can handle special Unicode characters and that it has its own italicized text feature, there is no underlining. They have a bold type option. But even if I wanted to use that… I would still need to nitpick through over half a million characters of text to manually fix the few places in my documents where I actually need these features. That’s kind of a dealbreaker for me. I need to move forward and work on more story. So I don’t know how much longer I’ll use tumblr for this. I still need to see if DeviantArt’s literature feature can do any better. Gmail does allow me to copy and paste the original text and email it to myself, while recognizing Unicode characters, and italicized text, AND underlined text. So for the purpose of keeping dated backup copies that my amnesiac mind won’t easily lose, it’s fine.

But now that I’ve figured out how to register everything with the US copyright office and have my disclaimers on each post, I would like to have some way to make it publicly viewable. Years ago I must have thought tumblr would be it, but now I suppose not.

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nwterm1project · 4 years

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Little White Lies-Process

Here are the scanned in copies of my carbon paper drawings based on the film ‘Legend’ featuring The Krays. In order to achieve these appearances I printed out some photographs from the film itself and the film cover and layered it with some carbon paper and normal paper (order from the base-paper,carbon paper, photograph), making sure that the carbon paper is shiny side down to the paper, you can then place the photograph on top and start outlining and I also outlined the title into various places of the drawings in order to see where I would like the writing to be when it comes to digital editing. For the first and second drawing I used the same photograph but for the second one I ripped it in half so then I could experiment with having the title in between which I kind of liked. Then for the third and fourth drawing I used the same photograph however for the second one I had the idea of having the title continuous throughout the background which I found would have the most successful appearance.

From there I experimented with scanning in some of my drawings and inverting them before printing them out as well as adding a Little White Lies logo to it as that was the magazine in which we were taking inspiration from when it came to adding colour digitally.

Shown above is the digital process in which demonstrates what I did in order to achieve my final outcomes by using a graphic tablet and Photoshop. Firstly, I opened Photoshop and chose my most successful carbon paper drawing and adding a new layer and adjusted the brightness and contrast whilst having use legacy selected, then using the pen tool with the colour black selected with a hard brush to make sure that there were no gaps in the drawing and everything was connected, the reason I did this was because after that step I used the magic wand tool to select the background and deleting it so there is initially no background.

Next, I went onto https://lwlies.com/back-issues/ and chose a back issue to inspire the colour choice of my drawing, here I chose ‘Elysium’ from Issue 48 from July/August 2013. I thought these colours would be a good suit for my drawing because of how I wanted to keep it quite minimal in terms of there not being too many colours and not being too bright and I was inspired to experiment with using different shades of the colours to see hoe the appearance of the drawing would turn out. From there I made a new layer for every section of the drawing (skin, halftones, blazers, trousers, hair, glasses,etc) and used the eyedropper tool to sample the colours and use the paint bucket tool to fill with the colours and I also used the pen tool to do the blue shading on the skin, to scale the brush I used ‘[’ to make it bigger and ‘]’ to make it smaller and to move around the drawing I clicked the bottom button on the pen on the graphic tablet instead of selecting the move tool on Photoshop and using the mouse. For the halftone on the blazers I used the brush named ‘Kyle’s Screentones 38′ because I liked how the dotted pattern was simple and seemed to be a good fit for the blazer in order to not make the drawing look bland. I also offset the halftones, blazers and trousers because I thought it would help give the drawing a bit more dimension and help the appearance become more interesting to look at and different from the work other people produced.

Once the drawing and colouring was complete, I opened a new document on Photoshop with the Little White Lies logo on and using the type tool I typed the title of the film which in my case in ‘Legend’ and transformed it ( Cmd T) in order to scale it to the size I want, after that I used the rectangular marquee tool to outline the title giving it some space around it to ensure that the titles are not too compact together and then went to edit-define pattern and then once given a name I went to layer-new fill layer-pattern to fill the whole page with the title. From there I experimented with the size of the titles in the background as to whether I wanted lots of them or not so many and then using the paint bucket tool I filled the background to compliment my the colours of my drawing and dragged the background to the drawing document, I then made sure that the Little White Lies cover was behind the drawing to then I could have the characters overlapping the logo just a bit making sure that the writing on the logo was still visible.

Overall, I found this process quite simplistic in terms of me being comfortable with using a graphic tablet and using Photoshop to do this sort of technique as I was in my comfort zone doing something I know and I liked this process which made me have more faith in what I was doing and knew exactly what I wanted as my final outcome/s.

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jonghyn · 7 years

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tagged by @onews-pinee and @xjinsoul to do some ‘get to know me’ tag things. thank u both !! <3

not tagging anyone and also doing both in one because i’m too lazy to make a whole other post

Age? 19..help

Birthplace? usa

Current time? 4:41

Drink (last)? water

easiest person to talk to? one of my friends

favorite song (recently)? before our spring by jjong

grossest memory? uh i once had my whole big toe nail ripped off..that was an adventure

hogwarts house? dont @ me but i dont like harry potter oops

in love? unless u count shinee then no

jealous of people? always

killed someone? in my lucid dreamsskajfnajhaj im a horrible person

love at first sight or should i walk by again? never experienced it but i guess it could be a thing idk

middle name? alexis

number of siblings? 2, younger sister older brother

one wish? not be sad anymore

person you called last? mom

question you are always asked? "how do you say your last name??”

reasons to smile? shinee.. and cats

song you sang last? hot times not to be that person but jjongs high note at the end? legendary

time you woke up? 2 pm

underwear color? black

vacation destination? italy or japan

worst habit? too much sarcasm to the point where i scare people asjfnjhasn

x-rays? yes?

your favorite food? any pasta tbh

zodiac sign? capricorn

ultimate bias? kim jonghyun

ultimate bias wrecker? kim jonghyun

favorite kpop song (all time)? thats so hard.... diphylleia grayi - jonghyun

favorite kpop album? story op 1 by jonghyun

favorite kpop ship? i dont ship people romantic wise... friendship wise tho, ontae / jongtae

hard or soft stan? depends on the group but i guess soft

favorite kpop company? all of them are shit, but since shinee comes from sm..... sm.....

backstory of how i got into kpop? was watching some yt videos and somehow lucifer ended up in my recommended then BAM instant love

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nickname: kam

gender: she

star sign: capricorn

height: 5′4/5?

time: 4:51

birthday: january 18th

favorite band(s): shinee, vixx, red velvet

favorite solo artist: hyuna

song stuck in my head: always be with you you you you you you~

last movie watched: train to busan

last show watched: law in order svu

when did i create my blog: i think in july? of 2013? not sure

what i post: shinee... kpop, aesthetics & shitposts

last thing i googled: “wacom intuos pro tablet medium”

do you have any other blogs: not that i use often

do you get asks: sometimes

why did you choose ur url: jonghyun is the actual love of my life and will always be my #1 i love him so so so much

following: 202

followers: almost 2k

favorite color(s): black / red / pearl aqua

average hours of sleep: like 5

lucky number: 13

instruments: i wanna learn to play the piano

what i’m wearing rn: green hoodie and space cat pjs

how many blankets i sleep with: 2

dream job: idk probably something related to art / photgraphy. or animals

dream trip: wanna visit italy and japan. and i also wanna visit the pyramids someday

favorite food: any pasta

nationality: american

favorite song rn: before our spring

#some of these are the same questionsnjahsfj #these ask things are unoriginal #am i still gonna do them ? unfortunately #tag

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74399777 · 7 years

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Hey, Taylor… Look What You Made Me Do!

I’ve been a fan since November 2009 when I saw you rip that black hoodie off at the ACM Awards during Should’ve Said No. My friend was showing me that YouTube video in class and I was immediately sold. I went out that week and bought Fearless and TS and then went online to see if you were on tour so I could go. YOU WERE! And I didn’t get tickets. It was sold out. But then you came back around! And I still didn’t get to go. I was extremely sick and there was no way I’d make it.

No worries, though. Speak Now. I remember sitting in my bedroom, on my laptop, watching the livestream where you announced the album. I was so excited. Tour came around and I had no money for tickets. I missed you again. After this time, I swore to myself that it would never happen again.

Remember the time you did a livestream for RED? I do. I was so excited. I bought my tickets the day they went on sale!! I was working a crappy little job so the only tickets I could afford were the nosebleed seats. BUT WHO CARES?! I DID IT! I GOT TICKETS! AUGUST 25TH, 2013. The day came around and wow, I swear I didn’t sleep at night because of how excited I was. Lights went out. Drums started playing. Red curtain. Your shadow. Curtain dropped. I ALMOST PASSED OUT. Seriously. I was shaking so bad from being in the same room as my idol after years of missing out. Halfway through the show I started feeling kinda… REALLY sick. My chest was hurting really bad for some reason, but I literally said the only way I was leaving that stadium was in a stretcher. No way. I was fine, by the way. Probably just heartburn. Haha. So that was the first best day of my life.

So then remember the livestream for 1989. Yeah. That happened too. And I was there for that one too. This time around I had a decent paying job, so when the tour came around, I was on Ticketmaster on 2 laptops, a desktop, 2 phones, and a tablet. Yes. It’s THAT serious. I scored tickets in the 100′s section for my sister and I. (She’s just as big of a fan as me, btw. Every thing TS that I do, she does with me lol. She’s my partner in TS crime.)

So then October 17th, 2015 rolled around. Yes, we’re in Dallas, as you may have gathered from the two tour dates I listed. She went in her prom dress! We both almost passed out. See. Told you. Everything. Haha.

So now we come to the reputation era. No livestream. But you did announce the album while I was at work. And TaylorSwiftTIX. That too. I’ve been doing a million boosts and ordering albums and most importantly, I’ve turned into a promotional account for reputation. I wiped my Instagram like you did and my only posts are about rep. Same with Facebook.

And now, well… reputation comes out next month. Really soon. And nothing makes me happier, as your fan, than seeing you succeed and shatter records that people say you won’t. It’s the best feeling. So how else can I promote your new album to people I’ve never met, that don’t have me on social media?

I drive a 2012 Camaro. And, well… Look What You Made Me Do.

See you on the reputation tour. I love you and I will never give up on you.

@taylorswift

@taylornation

#taylor swift #reputation #look what you made me do #lwymmd #ready for #car #camaro #2012 #chevrolet #fearless #speak now #red #dallas #taylor swift tix #ts

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akelun-blogs · 7 years

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SUNDAY NEWS #1 - My story with graphic tablets (Cintiq pro 16 review)

Inspired by this article, from David Revoy: http://www.davidrevoy.com/article332/tablet-history-log

As I decided that I’ll try to post a weekly article on my tumblr each sunday with the intention to share you some news as a form of self-motivation and as I didn’t have anything constructive to tell you today, I got the idea to tell you my story with graphic tablets when I read the article linked above from David Revoy, a great French artist who’s using only open-source software in Linux OS.

Also, one thing that can be interesting is that I got in April a new Cintiq model from Wacom: The Wacom Cintiq Pro 16, which, I think, doesn’t have a lot of review yet and you could learn here that this tablet is really terrible, in the good sense of the term, but also have some terrible... choices that we can reproach Wacom, in my point of view.

As I intend to tell you about my tablets in a chronological order, this review will be left at the end of this article.

SUMMARY:

- Genius G-Pen M712 (2009 - Windows XP and Seven)

- Wacom Cintiq 12wx (December 2010 - Windows 7 and 8.1 and Linux Debian-based)

- Wacom bamboo pen & touch (2012-2013 - Windows 7)

- Wacom Cintiq 13hd (December 2016 and January 2017 - Windows 8.1)

- Wacom Cintiq pro 16 (April 2017 - Windows 8.1)

Genius G-Pen M712 - Bought in 2009, used between 2009 and December 2010 - tested in Windows XP and 7

(I was too inexperienced to judge the stylus pressure)

PRO: A big amount of shortcuts buttons, usable for left-handed and right-handed persons (probably too much I’d even say): 34 shortcuts buttons, 2 scrolls with 1 button in the middle of each scroll and 5 buttons to edit some parameters for the tablet. A good format to draw (A4). Love the design.

CON: The stylus needs battery, on the contrary of the Wacom stylus. Though, I never changed it even after 1 year of frequent use. No eraser on the stylus.

Initial price: around 120 - 140 € if I remember well.

Still in my possession and still working (didn’t try it on my latest computer in Windows 8.1 though).

Wacom Cintiq 12wx - Bought in December 2010, used between December 2010 and April 2017 - tested in Windows 7, Windows 8.1 and Linux Debian-based (Ubuntu, Crunchbang (RIP), Debian, Mint)

PRO: This is a monitor tablet. The screen is really strong, in high quality and soft enough to avoid the nib of the stylus to get worn out (I didn’t change the nib even after 6 years of use and there’s no scratch on the screen). 5 shortcut buttons and a scroll bar on the left and on the right of the tablet (for left-handed and right-handed persons). Tablet of high quality with a high life expectancy (6 YEARS!). Plinth very useful to put the tablet in a tablet position OR in a screen position. Eraser on the stylus. No battery needed for the stylus.

CON: Screen too small and in a too small resolution. Screen too dark, it is impossible to color calibrate it correctly. Cables very bulky (with a big box to change the screen parameters). The frame around the screen is very large.

Initial price: ~ 900 €

Still in my possession and ready to be plugged in and used.

Wacom Bamboo Pen&Touch - Bought between the end of 2012 and the beginning of 2013, used only at my 3D arts school or when I travel - tested in Windows 7

PRO: Very light and easy to carry when I’m traveling. 4 shortcut buttons. Love the design. Pen & Touch functions. Eraser on the stylus. No battery needed for the stylus.

CON: A bit too small to draw (A5 format). The nib is worn out really fast compared to the ones used on Cintiq tablets (had to change it after 6 months of use).

Initial price: 80 or 90 €

Still in my possession.

Wacom Cintiq 13hd - First one bought in December 2016 and Second one in January 2017, used less than 1 month each and sent back - tested in Windows 8.1

PRO: This is a monitor tablet. Light. 1080p resolution. Cables not bulky at all. 9 shortcuts buttons. Eraser on the stylus. No battery needed for the stylus. Love the design.

PRO and CON (in-between): Still a bit small, but it’s clearly better than the Cintiq 12wx screen size. The plinth propose 3 position, in addition of the flat position, but the most vertical position is not vertical enough to allow us to use the tablet as a second screen when we’re not drawing, on the contrary of the Cintiq 12wx screen. Plus, the plinth is made in a plastic material which looks and sounds... really not strong.

CON: 2 tablets bought, 2 tablets received with a problem of white light escaping from the low part of the screen. Damn! I sent the 2 tablets back almost immediatly. The screen feels more granular than the screen of the Cintiq 12wx, which made me worried to have to change the nib of the stylus as regularly as with the Bamboo pen&touch to avoid to get some scratches on my screen with the time.

Initial price: ~ 900 €

Sent it back almost immediatly (x 2)

Wacom Cintiq Pro 16 - Bought in April 2017, used once received and once I bought a cable Mini-display port <-> Display port and still used - tested in Windows 8.1

PRO: This is a monitor tablet. Perfect screen size to draw and work on a normal desk. 1440p (used in 1080p though because I prefere). Parallax problem resolved: I didn’t have to calibrate the stylus on the screen, on the contrary of the Cintiq 12wx and 13hd. It’s still possible to do it if for you the problem is not resolved enough, but I didn’t feel the need to. Screen really strong and soft (not granular as the Cintiq 13hd). Pen & touch function. Perfect screen quality. Eraser on the stylus. No battery needed for the stylus. Love the simplicity of the design.

CON: No more shortcut buttons. The plinth now allows us only to draw with the tablet in a flat position, or in a lightly slanting position only (though, it definitely looks stronger than the cintiq 13hd’s plinth). To use it as a second screen when I’m not drawing, I have to use a book holder, which is not very... practical.

BIG MISTAKE: In the French amazon store, they made the mistake to add this line: “The wacom expresskey remote allows you to[...]”. Oh really? What a shame this remote is not included and costs around 100 € then. Especially that it makes us think that it’s not a problem then if there is no more shortcut buttons on the tablet. At least, we’ll have the remote. LOL! ... Unless we don’t have the remote when we pay the tablet in the wacom website 1612 € but that we get it when we pay the same tablet in amazon fr 1507 € instead of 1600 €. o.O (Well, OK, we have the “contents of the box” discretely written below, but though, this is still misleading.)

BIGGEST MISTAKE: You bought your computer some years ago? It’s a bit old, but still young enough and it’s extremely powerful? Oh, and you thought about buying this model of Cintiq? Well, you can. You’ll just have to add 15 € for the cable mini-display port <-> display port + 65 € for the adapter display port <-> HDMI Wacom recommends you and you have to cross the fingers to hope that the adapter will work because... not all the adapters are working, or not always correctly. After all, we all know it. The HDMI is definitely done. One year before, everyone was using this but now, in 2017, it’s so old-fashioned! ... No, seriously, wacom, there, I don’t understand this choice. For Mac users, there should be no problems apparently. There is a special port for Mac. But for PC users, there is just ONE port for the screen! And this is not a HDMI one. This is a mini-display port. A port which is all fresh and almost unused. I mean... WHY? When I talked by phone with one of the Wacom staff about it, I really thought to myself: “But this is crazy! What a stupid choice! This tablet is awesome and I’m sure that this choice will disappoint A LOT of customers.” And I was definitely right. That’s simple, on the French amazon store, there are 4 reviews. 1 is rated 5/5 (the person noticed however a problem with the fan in the tablet if you work in Windows 10, but it can be solved in the control panel). 1 is rated 4/5 (it’s me). And the 2 others... Well, they all say that this tablet is, I quote, “extremely disappointing” and “should not be recommended”. For both of them, the problem is due to this port choice. Soooooo... maybe I wasn’t this wrong when I felt that this choice could have some bad consequences...

POSSIBLE EXPLANATION: I am not really good in term of hardware / electronic / informatic knowledges yet. But recently, I was wondering: Wacom did a HUGE improvement with the parallax problem with this Cintiq Pro 16. I ever heard from an artist on YouTube (probably one of the first persons whom let a review about this model) that this Cintiq is the first one in that case. True or not, I can’t say that the difference is not huge and enjoyable. But WHAT IF this improvement was the price to force Wacom to stop using the HDMI port and use instead the new ones, to know the “mini-display” port. Of course, it’s just an hypothesis and it still needs an answer from Wacom services to be confirmed or not, but... in my point of view, that could be an explanation which could explain the choice of Wacom.

Initial price: ~ 1600 €

Favorite tablet I am using actually (Happily, I have a recent computer from March 2016)

And you? What kind of tablets did you get / are you using? What do you think about them?

Don’t hesitate to share your opinion and story... and to share them with David Revoy in his article I linked above as well, because he was the first to ask and my article is heavily inspired from his one.

Kind regards.

Akelun

#akelun #review #tablets #graphic #wacom #cintiq #pro #16 #13 #hd #12 #wx #bamboo #pen & touch #pen&touch #genius

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