#i cant believe its been ten fuckin years

[i-clash-with-everything]

It's 2:30 in the morning and I woke up from a nightmare and tried to listen to music to calm down and now I'm having a breakdown over how much I still fucking love Symphogear because Xtreme Vibes started playing

[dspdick]

hello everyone. i hope you have some snacks on you because i have yet another thing to rant about. fortunately it isn’t about the bunch of idiots i have the misfortune of calling classmates, instead it’s the cursed place where i chose to continue my education. let’s yell about university.

for starters, i would like to point out that this is an expensive university. like. 900€/month expensive. i get to pay almost half of it because i have a discount due to my high school grades, but you have to keep it up during your stay in college and once it’s taken away you can’t ask for it again.

given the exorbitant price every single of its students is paying, you would think that my class would be in a decent building. wrong. we’re in a prefabricated shitty three-story building in the other side of campus from our labs. because medicine students have their own simulation clinics and the business students get a bajillion brick buildings but fuck the genetics kids amiright?

speaking of labs. the installations are cool and all but the materials need a serious upgrade. I CANT DO A PROPER GEL ELECTROPHORESIS IF THE MICROPIPETTE DOES THE EQUIVALENT OF A DRIVING NEWBIE WITH A MANUAL CAR. also the ph-meters are the bane of my existence and me the bane of theirs.

also. the lab practices are four hours long. which wouldn’t be too bad if they didn’t make us start them at three or four pm when we’ve been in classes from eight or ten am. yes i spend close to twelve hours on campus on lab weeks yes they also pretend that we have time to study.

BY THE WAY. OH MY GOD. studying. i know it’s necessary. but i have EIGHT SUBJECTS THIS SEMESTER. EIGHT. students in other universities have less subjects per year. one of them is a lab subject and we have a fuckin. oral and practical exam. ITS A LAB SUBJECT?? WHY DO I HAVE TO LEARN THE PROCEDURES AND WHY EVERYTHING IS DONE PLUS DO A NiCE LaB nOTeBoOk. SUCK MY DICK.

that and the fact that i not only have science subjects but also philosophy, communication and fucking BUSINESS. yes they’re useful but i frankly haven’t seen a subject with a worse organization than my philosophy class. and on top of that my business teacher just keeps sending projects and questions. maam your class is worth three credits. be grateful i do an effort to get out of bed and spend two and a half bitchass hours to listen to you yap about ip and business life cycles at eight thirty in the morning on a friday.

and now that i mention this, i still can’t believe we’ll have to do 50 mandatory hours of volunteer work next year. yay for volunteer work, i’ve done before and it’s amazing. but you can’t expect someone who spends 10+ hours in college regularly to do the same amount of time as people who only have 3 to 4 hours of class per day.

the worst part of all is the fact that our degree supervisor just expects us to act like phd students or some shit. she literally told to the class presidents that “we can’t expect to have compromises and extracurriculars outside of university. we have to focus on our college life”. this is our first year. i don’t even want to think about how we’ll be treated from now on.

and i guess this is why im so scared. i like genetics. love it, even, when applied to things i enjoy and not a clinical environment. but i want to live my life and be able to truly rest and enjoy and not want to kill myself constantly over the amount of workload that we have to deal with.

i don’t know if i’m going to drop out or keep going but all my options are bleak. either i continue and somehow survive college enough time to get my degree without having killed myself, or i drop out. and from there i have more options. a) immediately switching to a different college and/or undergrad, b) taking an off year and changing my undergrad.

i don’t even know what i’m going to do. i’m exhausted on all the levels a human can be tired and i have no idea if i have it in me to keep going or just take the easy out.

[crimewizards]

blackrock 10 year retrospective

so! it’s been. ten years since the blackrock chronicle started. let’s talk about that

i got minecraft in august 2012, right around the 1.3 update, after a camp friend showed it to me. like any other minecraft-playing 12 year old in 2012, i immediately took to the internet and discovered minecraft videos and parodies. one of these was Screw The Nether, the singer of which one of my friends identified as martyn. i watched martyn’s tekkit series (rip) and didn’t recognize one of the names on his waypoints: rythian. naturally, i looked up rythian on youtube, and found this little series called The Tekkit Adventure.

the rest is kind of history.

this series has meant so much to me over the last ten years. from making real life friends because i was reading fanfic and they asked what i was reading to desperately trying to explain the series to friends in 7th grade art to one of my friends making me a charm bracelet with blackrock themed charms for the holidays to the tumblr explanation of the finale to all the different yog servers ive been in and now being a fandom boomer in modern day mcyt spaces. i still cry watching the final episode of season 2. i still only really know the lyrics to zoey’s sk8rboi parody and not the original. frankly, im a lesbian because of this series. i had a MASSIVE crush on zoey as a kid and barely even knew it, and as an adult, im just sitting here like “ah.” she was some of the first lesbian rep i’d seen Basically Ever and i cannot thank her enough for that.

to celebrate, i dug through all my old sketchbooks and notepads to bring you all the blackrock/yogscast fanart i could find from the last ten years. i’m sure there’s PLENTY that’s missing. it’s all under the cut, chronologically listed. cheers, blackrock fandom. we’re still kickin’.

2012-2013 these are all from my 7th/8th grade art class sketchbooks + when i got my first drawing tablet for hanukkah 2013

2014-2015

2016-2017

done during cornerstone rewatch

2018-2019

(danger days au)

EARLY 2020

my rythian pc for a dnd game i was in

2021

2022

kinda funny how this also serves as an art improvement timeline lmao. so yeah! that’s all i got! keep on blackrockin’ <3 <3

[xocubonee]

can’t belieb i finally got the big round frames i’ve wanted since before even getting glasses when i’m getting lasik in like a week x so anyways look at the absolute crime against god himself that is the size difference between my eyes

[autisticmob]

soon

[ssplague]

Story 2:

“Who’s afraid of the big bad Wolf?”

Rated M

Warning (s)⚠️ Yandere, Predator and Prey themes, verbal & physical abuse, some noncon

It was supposed to be a nice trip up to the cabin in celebration of your five year anniversary….but when you rub your beloved Bakugou the wrong way, he throws you out into the cold. Realizing his mistake, the self proclaimed “big bad wolf” has no choice but to bring his dumb bunny home. Wether she wants to be there or not.

*I did give you a quirk in this one; It’s just the ability to manifest tinker bell style wings and that’s it 🧚🏼

🐇❤️‍🔥🐺

“_______! Come on back now princess, I dunno why you do this…Y’know I’ll always find you!”.

If his loud voice paired with his even louder explosions are reaching your ears, they’re too close for comfort. Summoning what may be the last vestige of your strength into manifesting your wings: You silently propel yourself through the sea of trees.

The big city isn’t serving as the back drop for tonight’s particular game of cat and mouse. Actually, scratch that last part:

“Instead of cat and mouse we’ll call this “Dumb bunny and all too eager wolf, y’know since we’re in the forest n’ shit”.

You were a fool to expect this as a simple trip to your luxury cabin hidden up in the mountains. Things between you and your husband had been relatively peaceful for the last couple months. It was almost back to the comfortable sense of normalcy (or as close to it as you could get having the explosive blonde for a lover) that the first ten years of your relationship had been built upon, not including the last five in which you’d been married. The first time your future seemed daunting was when the relationship started its course down a darkened path six months ago.

So when your beloved hero carried you bridal style over the threshold of the modern two story cabin: You were more than happy to re-create the events of all the previous visits you two had enjoyed here over the years. First was going fishing off the small dock of the lake and cooking your catches for dinner that night. Second was going on a long hike that took you to the place you two had long ago dubbed your “Secret Spot”: Which was a crystal clear stream that had a waterfall pouring into it, where you both ripped off your sweat soaked clothing and enjoyed skinny dipping in the refreshingly cool water.

It was pretty cold out that third night, so Katsuki had lit a fire in the living room grate. After dinner the two of you opened an expensive bottle of champagne and roasted marshmallows. Then brought the evening to a close by making the most passionate love you’d had in months on the large faux fur rug spread out a safe distance away from the flickering flames. The fourth day is when things took a drastic and sudden change…

Katsuki had been acting slightly off all day, and as you guys finished cleaning up after dinner things would inevitably get worse. Intent on changing into pajamas you started towards the stairs, only for a click of his tounge stop your descent.

“Come sit with daddy pretty girl, its not time for bed just yet” he drawled while extending a warm hand towards you, an invitation to join him on the couch. Swallowing your nerves, you approached him. Placing a tiny hand into his much larger one, which immediately encases your own as he pulls you down onto his lap without warning.

“Face me”

You do as he requests, resting each of your legs on either side of his. Brushing a stray lock of hair from your face as he speaks:

“Cant believe its been five years since you decided to spend your life with me princes…Well technically ten years total since I first made you mine….makes daddy so fuckin’ happy”. Yesterday had been the official day of your anniversary, since you got married on the same day you two had officially started dating all those years ago. Katsuki had been the one to acknowledge this fact as he kissed you breathless that morning. The entire day had been a celebration you would never forget: So maybe he was just still a bit moved by the longevity of the love you two shared, and those feelings had carried over into today as well. If so, You certainly weren’t going to put a damper on things.Your arms wrapped around the back of his neck while engaging him in a sensual kiss. Heat pooling in your gut at the thought of a possible “Round Two” on the living room rug once again.

A muscular arm winds itself around your lower back Pulling you forward until your breasts squish against his firm chest. Feeling your hardened nipples though the flimsy fabric of your shirt flips a switch inside his head.

It may come as unexpected but it certainly isn’t unwelcomed, when he grabs a whole handful of that nice round ass of yours. His much too firm grip causes you to jolt as his fingertips dig in to the flesh of your rapidly bruising booty cheek. The skirt you wear has begun to ride up from your squirming as Katsuki sucks on your neck, causing your back to arch and your chest to press harder against him. Peering over your shoulder treats him to an unhindered view of your bare ass.

“No panties or bra? Pretty bold of you…guess I should expect it from such a naughty fuckin slut”

Over the years you’d been forced to developed a tougher than average skin (Metaphorically speaking): You’d had to done this to protect your feelings and self-esteem from the words that are so akin to bullets which Katsuki consistently tends to throw at you. Things that others would perceive as insults are often considered terms of endearment in the Bakugou household.

“All for you Suki…S’all yours” you whisper in his ear before nibbling at his lobe.

“Yeah it is…” being distracted, you miss the malice in his response.

Thinking the crackling sound coming from behind you was coming from the fire dwindling down in the grate, you didnt even stop to think what may happen next. A scream erupts from your open mouth as his large heated palm makes contact with your ass.

“WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU JUST RANDOMLY UP AND DECIDE TO DO THAT KATSUKI?! Goddammit that fucking hurt…owww”

Your off his lap in an instant, the developing mood between the two of you was absolutely RUINED: The idea of his hands anywhere near you only proceeded to anger you further. His half ass attempts to apologize and drag you back towards him are dodged easily as you storm towards the stairs.

“Fuckin’ crybaby” is the last thing you hear him mumble as you slammed the bedroom door. Once the lock clicks in place you begin to sob, crossing the room to grab your pajamas and unplug your charged phone. You change your clothes and throw yourself down on the bed, suddenly overwhelmed with loneliness. You decide to message your bestfriend, even though the screen is barely visible from the tears blurring your vision.

Finished explaining the current situation, you send the message, to which she immediately responds. You decline her offer to call, since you’d rather not risk Katsuki over hearing you discussing his behavior.

I

You promise to really consider the offer and thank her for continuing to stick by you before wishing her “Good Night” and immediately falling asleep yourself.

It sounds so far away at first-No, it’s actually coming from right above you:

“-How the fuck could you? Stop fucking ignoring me!”

Not content with just invading your dreams, a harsh yank on your hair wakes you instantly, “OUCH! Wha?!”.

“Oh your awake now? Sure were sleeping peacefully after conspiring to leaeve me with your little friend, gonna run away with her and live happily ever after hah princess?”

“Suki please…just calm down, I was upset I didn’t actually mean it”

“Of course you fuckin’ didn’t…You cant leave me…You’re MINE forever, remember? I promised…you promised….we promised….”

He needn’t remind you: You would always remember each of those times you foolishly bound your life together with the monster infront of you. This monster that had replaced the Katsuki you knew back then, the one you’d fallen in love with or at one time even called your best friend. You aren’t given time to lament on the past as you’re forcibly removed from the warm bed. Stumbling on the cold wooden floorboards as he pulls you along, ranting to himself as he keeps an ironclad grip on your wrist. He doesn’t falter while pulling you down the stairs, even though you nearly fell half way down.

“W-Where are we g-going?”

You ask, whimpering nervously as he draws closer towards the front door.

He wasn’t taking you outside right? You weren’t at all dressed for the cold! You didn’t even have shoes on, or a jacket! The frost glittering on the windowpanes drew your terrified gaze, “Katsuki!”. Still ignoring you, he wrenches the door open: Its a last ditch effort, but you firmly pant your feet on the floor.

“Whasamatter Princess? Thought you wanted to runaway from me?! Here’s your chance, go ahead and runaway little bunny rabbit, hurry and get away before the big bad wolf changes his mind”.

It says something when the look in this man’s eyes was more terrifying than the prospect of finding your way through the darkened forest in the frigid cold. Thankfully, you’d hung up your fur lined coat on the rack beside the door, you immediately grabbed it, not missing a beat while you pulled it on as you ran for it.

So this was it then? This is how your relationship finally met its end?

With the love of your life throwing you out and possibly meeting YOUR end?

Falling victim of exposure to the elements?

This is your punishment ________, Its what you get for threatening to break your promise and conspiring against him, YOU chose THIS.

Exactly five minutes has passed since Katsuki had lost sight of you as you disappeared into the dense foliage. He told himself: He’d go inside, lock the door, come to terms with the possibilities that he’d either hear you begging and sobbing to be let in, or to just never see you again. Instead he’s perched on the front porch steps, head cradled in his hands. What kind of hell would his life turn into if he were to never see you again? What the fuck had he done! You could fuckin’ die out there! Worse yet, if you managed to reach the road someone could stop and pick you up! Then your troublesome best friend would surely see to it that you two would never meet again!

You were more than likely shivering as you huddled up somewhere, freezing cold and sobbing your heart out at the fact you’d upset him! His hands fly towards his head, tugging at his hair as he imagines this. “Oh god…OH FUCK!” Katsuki is manic as he wrenches open the door, hurriedly pulling his boots on before frantically slamming it shut. Fearful, yet determined he rubs his palms together before running off in pursuit.

“Dont worry princess, I’m coming”

As soon as the first explosion rang out you knew your original idea had been too good to be true, of course he wouldn’t give you up that easily. Whenever Katsuki has decided to turn you loose it was only a matter of time: After watching you exit with a slam of the door, his anxiety would win out and he’d come to collect you. The longest he’d waited had been one full hour, the shortest he’d waited had previously been fifteen minutes, but that record had been broken tonight…he’d only waited ten.

He’s as lost without you as you are without him _______….

FUCK THAT!

You absolutely refuse to go back…..Well…not without a fight anyway….

Willing your wings to appear you swiftly soar upwards, deciding it would probably be your best bet to stay below the tree tops, this way he wouldn’t spot you so easily. At first it was exhilarating to be flying freely after such a long time of being practically “Shut in”. A wide smile on your face as you dodged the occasionally branch jutting out from the surrounding tree trunks.

What if you really could get away this time? You’d finally be free of…

Katsuki was becoming more and more frantic with each passing second.

“________, baby I didn’t really mean it! M’SORRY….PLEASE just come back!”

Oh yeah, he’s losing his fucking mind.

If you were huddled up somewhere, there is no way he wouldn’t have found you yet….

That means you had to be running from him! Maybe you’d just wanted proof that you meant something to him: He was supposed to persue you and prove just how far he was willing to go to bring you back to him, that had to be it! You knew better than anyone: While he struggled with words he made up for it as a man of action. Plus, you knew how much he loved a good game of predator vs prey.

Hell. He’d unknowingly set this whole thing up, even going so far as to compare you to a frightened rabbit and himself as a wolf! He chuckled as everything now started making sense, you’ve always been so goddamn smart, too smart for your own good. Now that he’d achieved the “proper” mindset for this game, he let his search recommence. Moving quick but calmly re-doubling his previously sloppy effort of pursuing you through the forest.

You had to rest: Cocealing yourself between some thickets branches up high seemed your best bet. The sudden noise startled you awake, oh fuck had you been found?!

Not yet, but you dare not move as the sound of his footsteps was fastly approaching. Then you caught sight of him, immediately pushing yourself against the tree trunk praying he hadn’t seen you during his brief stint in the air. Now that he’s landed, both feet are on the ground as his head move from side to side while he looks back and forth-wait did he just sniff the fucking air?! You marveled at the fact this crazy mother fucker was out here in only a tank top and sweats! Steam is literally emitting off of him as all that adrenaline mixed with far too much testosterone had his muscles bulging and fueled his quirk induced sweat.

A borderline manical laugh carries up to your hiding place.

“I know you’re somewhere around here….naughty little bun-bun, the big bad wolf is gonna find you…and when I do I’m going to abso-fuckin’-lutley-“ he’s gone silent.

The sound of a branch breaking somewhere off to his left draws his attention and he’s instantly sprinting off in the same direction. You silently release the breath you were holding and your hoping whatever creature decided to distract him, was capable of keeping his attention on them for awhile.

This was all a fucking game to him!

You are immediately filled with disgust at his twisted way of thinking, but at the same time disappointed in yourself for being the slightest bit aroused at the concept.

Unwinding your limbs from the tree, you decide its time to move on and gracefully head off. The translucent wings on your back carry you for only a mile more before you’re forced to land: As soon as your feet touch the earth they disappear with a dull shimmer in the moonlight. The feeling of fear overwhelmed you immediately as your eyes dart back and forth, deeming it safe enough to move you start to tip toe across the forest floor. Despite your feet being entirely numb, you take care to avoid bits of rocks, gravel, and stick that line the forest floor. One wrong move and the sound they’d make underfoot would be equal with that to blowing a fucking air horn to give away your location.

Passing a larger than average tree instantly puts you in the direct line of sight of Katsuki, who’s smile is entirely genuine as happiness spreads throughout him.

Oh shit.

You immediately turn and try to run but its no use, he’s on you in an instant:

“There.You.Fuckin’.are! I thought I’d never see your dumbass again, dont ever scare me like that again” he’s crushing the air from your lungs as he hugs you, squeezing you close against him. The warmth he emits beginning to envelop you as he continues the bear hug. “Next time you wanna play a game you tell me first, got it? You coulda got really hurt out here….or worse if I hadn’t found ya”.

He was worried about you_______, you had him terrified he might have lost you!

You ought to be ashamed of yourself!

Tears fill your eyes at the thought of the new horror you’d gotten a glimpse of.

The one causing your distress is your only source of comfort in this moment, you cant help but cling to him. Using the tears to your advantage it was easy to slip into your role:

“M-m’so-“m’s-sorry daddy, I lost my way…I was s-so scared! Even r-right now I thought you were a b-bear!” You sobbed, gripping him tighter.

He’s trained you well huh?

“Hey there’s no need for all that, your safe now ya dumbass” his teasing is done out of love, and he’s comfortingly stroking your hair as he enjoys the familiar scent of it, “C’mon lets go home now, I’ll carry ya”.

With you on his back mimicking a Koala, he easily blasts his way through the sea of trees towards the cabin. Relief is flushing the fear from his system as he feels your hands on him, the fact that he’d intercepted you only feet away from the black top road had momentarily rendered his worries all too real, he wont let that happen again.

Once Katsuki has throughly checked both your hands and feet for frost bite and dotingly made sure your temperate had gotten back to normal you find yourself tucked into trapped in bed. Now he’s standing at the foot of the bed, admiring your naked body as the glint of moonlight causes a shine on the shackles on both your hands and feet. The fear in your eyes only succeeds to amplify the ache built up in his cock from chasing you a majority to the night. Now your here in front of him though: Spread out, scared, and ready for him.

He’d restrained you before, it wasn’t the bondage that brought a surge of terror into your soul. You’d always been aware of the fact that certain aspects of your relationship were far from normal…but the entire situation that had unfolded tonight was the start of something terrible. It was like the shift of a lone pebble giving way to a colossal avalanche. Except you weren’t a pebble, and your situation in life wasn’t entirely your fault….

When you look back on this night, wether it be six months, or years from now: You’ll consider this the kindest form of discipline Katsuki has ever shown you.

End

A/N: I have Story three halfway typed up: It starts off sexy and has smut all throughout so forgive me that these first two went without it!

[nagdabbit]

MY GIRLFRIEND'S COMMENTARY WHILE WATCHING HER FIRST AEW PPV

"my entire fitness goal is hook's shoulder-waist ratio, but with taz's extremely dense neck."

"the funniest thing about wrestling is that this fucking company is trying to make something called a stadium stampede sound both cool, AND serious."

gf: "if you cry listening to a crowd sing judas again, im divorcing you." me: "so that means youre gonna marry me." gf: "i've been bamboozled."

about brian cage: "this man is a huge dork. like, literally, i could fit me in him."

"i dunno what it is, but i would die to protect mr. hangman. he hunk, but he also baby."

thoughtfully, "i bet i could just catch you out of the air like that. i mean, i can squat you, i could probably even curl you like that, too."

because she is deeply in wrestling twitter now: "HOOK! babe, look, its hook! hook hive, rise up!"

"what i love about this feud is that all these men are fuckin' idiots. no brain cells, just shoes and fwiendship."

"what do you mean their tag team isn't just the wild boys, wtf? missed opportunity."

"those kicks are ugly, but i would steal them, too, honestly." *thirty seconds of silence layer* "for you, babe. i'd steal them for you, i mean."

"jon, no, the germs, jon, jesus christ, please dont drink that jon you dumbass."

"i love eddie, but i'm pretty sure we should never hang out. too much extremely new york energy, we would get arrested in like ten minutes. possibly less."

"diorsday device is the funniest shit ive ever fucking heard, how goddamn sad is that."

"max caster is gonna get murdered, but i love him."

"i wish bowens and his extremely attractive boyfriend the best in life."

"colt cabana and tay conti are tied for best smile in wrestling, but tay wins because i dont want colt to kick me in the face."

"penta is the only joker i formally recognize."

"today i found out that some people don't like stu and uno, and to them i say get entirely fucked."

after rush came out and i lost my entire shit: "i don't fully understand yet, but i support you." *one minute later* "oooooooooooohh. okay, yeah."

gf: "i enjoy that cody is pushing ogogo by being a dumb bitch with this america schtick." me: "you gonna say that when cody wins?" gf: "...fuck."

"ogogo got that guy ritchie movie ass music you love to see it."

"you were right about cody and i fuckin' hate it."

"aw yeah, its big boi season."

about miro: "i'm very gay, but the thing is, men with extremely jacked traps just do something to me."

"lance changed changed the color of his extensions and i appreciate that." *thirty seconds later* "are those... three crosses? tattooed on his back? jesus doesnt like murder, i don't think he likes murderhawks, either."

"britt baker is the only dentist i want in my mouth. no, wait, don't type that one!"

"oh, fuck, shidas getting teary i'm gonna fuckin cry, oh fuck, i get it now, i'm so sorry i made fun of you, i love her."

"oh fuck, shida knee me directly in the face."

"britt scares me. like the blood drip details on her gear are really cool, but i would legit believe its real blood from her."

"are you really crying about britt and the nice announcer man hugging?"

"hey, quick question, just real quick while ive got you here... why is the emo twink... like this?"

"darby's dad looks like my dad, and i'll never be okay with that."

"i like that darby just yeets himself around like that. he came in like a wrecking ball. a tiny, tiny wrecking ball."

"sting just tossing his son around the ring like that is very good, but, sir, that's bad parenting."

"the thing about sky and page is that these are the suburb guys i beat up at the beach on summer vacation. they have big "i robbed these guys at the pier" energy."

"damn, darby just feels his emotion with his entire face, doesnt he."

"okay explain the gambling thing and WHY it's a thing."

"orange rolling into the ring is so fucking good, that man is national treasure."

after me showing her the video of younger orange cassidy shitfaced and holding a fish for no reason: "i am shocked and appalled that you're only showing me this now."

after explaining the history of the jansport: "the range of this dumbass."

"i get that kenny is good and all, but his hair really fucks me up. it's upsettingly bad and i hope he knows that."

"pac is just. so much muscle. flippy beef man. a meateor." she did specify how to spell it for the joke because it was important.

"that man is a weeb, isnt he."

"something about a man breaking a hold by putting his hands in his pockets really gets me hype."

"fuck just murder omega and be done i hate this, put it on the beef man or the juicey boy already."

"babe, ill be right back i gotta murder this callis bitch."

screaming, "THAT'S MY FAVORITE REF, YOU UGLY FUCK!"

after kenny won: "i fucking hate wrestling, this is bullshit."

"holy fuck, babe, i forgot mark henry was a wrestle boy! i know him from the olympics!"

"hey, is mark henry bigger than large paul?"

"mjf is a dumb bitch and i love him."

"hey, quick question, who thought repelling down the stadium would look cool, they're so far away."

"there's wardlow, my sweet boy. this is cool now."

she laughed for a solid two minutes at tony schiavone saying, "here comes the little guy."

"i fuckin hate hager. kill him wardlow, kill that crispy maga ass bitch."

"okay what's with the chairs." *after a brief explanation of the chairshot heard round the world* "and, like, he can't just pick a new gimmick? it's been two years, bro. move on, shes not coming back."

"okay, i admit that this is great and i love it, kill that old man on the dancefloor."

upon learning this is technically the main event: "you mean it's over after this? theyre ending the show on THIS? not the triple threat match, this?"

"i just noticed mjf's bedazzled jeans, i'm not angry anymore, this is perfect."

"no, more wardlow. gimme the beef."

"christ, sammy guevara is kinda incredible and i'm fuckin angry about it. why cant inner circle be just sammy and santana and ortiz, fuck the other two."

"no, shut up! i refuse to sing along to this! whats wrong with you?! this is a bad song!"

[and-it-freezes-me]

Little Red Lies - Chapter 1

Or, AUgust 2021 Day 10 - Fake Dating

{Next}

Words: 5,439

[Booked tckts yet? virge wants 2 check u still need 2 places 4 reception dinner]

Trash Rat 22:57

[cant w8 2 meet ur new ~date~]

Trash Rat 22:58

Roman stared at the messages for several long seconds, then groaned.

[Of course I booked tickets. Yes I still need the +1 seat.]

Roman 23:04

[cant believe u havent even sent a pic or yk a name]

Trash Rat 23:06

[no shame if ur still </3 ovr remy]

Trash Rat 23:06

[even tho its been 2 yrs now]

Trash Rat 23:07

[Of course I’m over remy. You’ll meet my boyfriend when we get there. He’s shy.]

Roman 23:07

Roman seriously considered throwing his phone across the room and booking a plane ticket to Alaska rather than Manhattan. That way, he wouldn’t have to go to his brother’s wedding and admit that he was most definitely single and most definitely not over his ex boyfriend (of seventeen months - two years was an unfair exaggeration).

[u kno virge h8s not knowing whos coming to his wedding right]

Trash Rat 23:10

[I know, I know, I’ll apologise as soon as we get there. He’ll be first to meet my bf, promise.]

Roman 23:11

[book ur fuckin plane tckts ro, I know u didnt do it yet]

Trash Rat 23:11

Roman threw his phone across the room.

It bounced off of his Heathers poster and landed on his desk, which was covered in scripts, textbooks, empty takeout containers, balled up bits of paper, crumpled drinks cans, and pens, and Roman buried his face in his pillow and groaned.

Ten months ago, Roman’s sister had flown down to Los Angeles, dragged Roman out of bed and announced that he was actually Roman’s brother. Almost sooner than Roman had been able to take this in stride, Virgil had added that he was marrying his boyfriend in December and would Roman mind being one of his groomsmen? While Roman was still reeling from the bombshell that was the fact that their gremlin of an elder brother Remus was Virgil’s best man, Virgil had leaned forward and asked if Roman was doing alright because he couldn’t help but notice that his dorm room resembled ‘the result of an explosive going off in a pigsty’.

Roman had blinked dumbly at him, nodded, and then started pressing for details about Virgil’s wedding. Eventually, his brother had promised that he’d get Patton, his fiance, to call Roman to discuss every detail, from location to napkin frills, and Roman felt that he had managed to avoid the topic of how he was doing.

When he and Remy had first broken up, midway through last July, Roman had gone to pieces. He had spent the end of the summer holiday between his first and second years locked in his room and listening to the same few songs on loop until Virgil, who was three years older and had been packing his things to move into his new apartment, had put his fist through the wall between their rooms. Then Roman had put his headphones on. It wasn’t Virgil’s fault that he was too uncivilised to appreciate the wonders of ‘Michael In The Bathroom’, ‘Someone You Loved’, or ‘Impossible’, after all.

Then Roman had gone back to university, where he had tried to drown himself in reading for his degree, and instead ended up sleeping through lectures after all-night crying sessions. He had tried to submerge himself in his essays and instead ended up daydreaming about his ex-boyfriend in study sessions. He had tried to get involved in theatre productions, but every audition had gone sour, and he often ended up thinking about the few times he and Remy had met up over the previous year rather than learning his lines.

Everyone had said that long distance relationships would be hard, but Roman, the romantic fool that he was, had insisted that they could do it.

They couldn’t.

Eight months ago, nine months after the two of them had broken up, two months after Virgil had announced his wedding plans, Remus and his partner had flown into Los Angeles and tried to stage an intervention. This had involved Remus trying to seduce the campus security guard and almost getting reported to the police (Roman had always insisted that his mustache only made him look sketchy), followed by Janus sneaking past the pair of them and into the building. Remus had somehow managed to join him moments later, and the two of them had somehow made their way up to Roman’s floor without alerting anyone else of their presence.

Roman had been woken by a furious hammering at his bedroom door at a little after four in the morning, and had to wade through a mess of papers and laundry to find that the two of them had knocked on every single door on his corridor, unable to remember which was his. He had not been popular with his dormmates the next day.

Their intervention had involved sitting on Roman’s bed and sharing the leftover pizza that had been on Roman’s desk for the last three days, and telling him to wash the dirty clothes all over his floor. Then they had tried to persuade him to accompany them to a bar to hook him up with somebody, and Roman had quickly concluded that the pair was somewhat drunk.

He had vehemently refused, and when Janus had eventually rolled onto his back, dark hair dangling off the edge of the bed and onto the sticky patch of carpet that Roman had spilled soda on three weeks ago, he practically whined that Roman was being very difficult when all they were doing was trying to help him.

“Trying to help me? You’ve disturbed the people I live with at fuck-o’clock in the morning! I have class tomorrow!” Roman was sat at his desk chair, trying very hard to ignore the stack of textbooks he was supposed to have read and hadn’t.

Remus rested a hand on Janus’ hip to stop him from rolling off the bed, and raised a lazy eyebrow at him. “Cut the bullshit, little bro. We all know you haven’t been to class in… How long, Jan?”

“Two months, three weeks, and four days,” Janus sing-songed.

“How the fuck do you know that?” It sounded about right, anyway, and Roman had a feeling that if he denied it this would just take even longer. He spun around in his chair and picked up a pen from his desk. “It’s my business if I don’t go to class.”

“Called my sister. Jannie takes all your classes, you know…” There was the sound of shifting fabric, and when Roman glanced back, Janus was sitting up and tucked under Remus’ arm again, looking very much as though Remus had just placed him there.

“You’re right, Ro. It’s not my business if you’re not going to class.” One of Remus’ hands trailed slowly up and down Janus’ arm, so casually Roman could almost believe that his brother didn’t realise he was doing it. “But it is my business that my little brother isn’t taking care of himself anymore. You haven’t answered my calls since before winter break. You obviously haven’t been eating healthily - this pizza tastes like you fished it out of the garbage, by the way, and I would know - and you look as though you haven’t seen the sunlight since last July.”

The assessment wasn’t quite fair. Roman might have been skipping classes, but it wasn’t as though he had just been lying in his room and wasting away! “I went to the gym last week. And I auditioned for the musical in March. I’m fine, Remus! Can I go to bed now?”

“No! We’re going to a club!”

Janus had nodded enthusiastically at Remus’ words, then rested his head on his partner’s shoulder as Roman shook his head slowly. “I don’t want to go to a club. I want to go to bed. I have class tomorrow.”

“Nope.” Remus’ hand rose to tangle absently in Janus’ hair. “We’re going to a club, and you’re gonna find some hottie to fuck all the yearning for Remy right out of you. Then you’ll feel much better!”

“You’re pulling my ha-”

“Fuck no. We’re not doing that.” Roman pressed his palms into his eyes, then stood up and jerked his door open. “Can you go now?”

“Give me one good reason why you getting laid is a bad thing right now, Ro, and we’ll leave.” Roman had gotten as far as opening his mouth before Remus interrupted. “See? You can’t. You need to move on, man. Clinging to Remy is clearly unh-”

“I have a boyfriend.”

“-ealthy, and- What?”

Maybe it was because it was four in the morning. Maybe it was because Roman hadn’t been sleeping well anyway, and Remus had managed to step on the last of his fraying nerves. Maybe it was just because he wished it was true.

“I have a boyfriend,” Roman repeated, and felt a strange sense of satisfaction at the obvious shock on Janus’ usually impassive face. “Three months. Met just after term started. It’s pretty serious, actually.”

“Bullshit.” Remus looked half impressed.

Now it was irritation that flickered through Roman. Was it really so unbelievable that he could have found somebody else? “It’s not.”

“You fucked yet?”

“Remus…” There was a warning note in Janus’ voice, and Remus sighed.

“None of my business. Got it. Do we get to meet him?”

“He’s shy.”

“Which is another way of saying he doesn’t exist.”

“Asshole. It’s another way of saying that it’s four in the fucking morning and he’s asleep. You’ll meet him at the wedding, anyway - I’m going to ask him to be my plus one when Patton sends out the RSVP date.” The words had been out of his mouth before he had had time to regret them, and Roman had spent the last eight months trying to sidestep questions about his non-existent boyfriend.

He had later found out that Remus and Janus hadn’t really come down to see him. They had gone to Los Angeles to celebrate their two year wedding anniversary and decided they might drop in while in the area. (Just because they had eloped rather than holding a big party, Janus had commented idly, didn’t mean they couldn’t celebrate it).

But now it was December, and Roman was partner-less and running out of excuses. His lie had gotten out of control, and he had ended up asking Patton and Virgil to include his partner in the guest numbers. He had invented dates they had been on for his mother when she had asked, and he insisted that his boyfriend was shy and had practically no internet presence anyway, so knowing his name wouldn’t help anybody.

He could just say that the two of them had broken up and go home alone, of course.

But that would mean disrupting the meticulous wedding seating plan Virgil and Patton had been making for months.

Besides, Roman was fairly certain that nobody in his family really believed in his mystery boyfriend, and failure to produce one after months of insisting that they would meet… Well, he didn’t want to open himself to that sort of ridicule.

Of course, it didn’t look as though he had much choice.

He hadn’t managed to make many friends at college.

In his first year, Roman had spent a lot of time trying to keep on top of his schoolwork and working toward the various theatre productions the school had put on; all of his free time he had spent planning dates for when he and Remy finally visited one another, or else video calling his boyfriend. There simply hadn’t been time to make many friends during that.

His second year… Well, Remus had been right. He had spent most of his time in his room, eating junk food, watching sappy romance films, and missing Remy.

So far, he had spent his third year trying to bring his grades back up to something more respectable… And missing Remy.

He knew it was pathetic. It had been almost a year and a half since they had broken up, and he still missed being able to call someone to talk about nothing at all at two in the morning, missed planning extravagant dates, missed the feel of hands in his hair and lips on his.

At least his floor was cleaner than it had been last year. And he had eaten slightly less fast food this semester than the previous one.

Roman’s phone chimed again. With a frustrated groan, he made his way over to his desk.

[Looking forward to seeing you on Monday!!! <3 <3 <3 !!!]

Pops 23:25

Patton.

[Me too, Padre! I’ll bring some of that fudge from the shop you love!]

Roman 23:26

[eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee <33333333 Can you get some of the currents+salt? Vee loved it last time + I want to surprise him]

Pops 23:26

[Will do. Looking forward to seeing you too!]

Roman 23:27

Patton would probably be the most understanding if Roman decided to come clean about his lying - but Patton was the worst secret keeper Roman had ever met. He and Virgil had been dating for almost three years, and in that time the thin voice actor had managed to spill every single plot twist in every single show he had watched or acted in. Roman had no doubt that Virgil would know that he was bringing home fudge within the next hour. If he admitted to Patton that he had been lying about having a date for the wedding, Roman would get Patton’s kind - if confused - reassurances, and half an hour later he would get the mixture of mockery and horrible pity that would come with the rest of his family finding out that he still wasn’t over Remy.

Roman let his phone slip through his fingers and land on his desk once more. Three days, and then he’d have to come clean - until then, he could just avoid thinking about it. Collecting the overflowing basket from the corner of the room (he had been putting off doing laundry for a while now), Roman left his room and headed toward the building’s basement laundry room. Term had finished last week and it was almost midnight - he doubted anybody would be down there now. Most people had probably already gone home, or were making the most of the free time to go out rather than spend it doing chores.

The light was off in the basement when he got there, so Roman left it that way as he loaded his clothing into one of the machines.

Moving around in the dark was far more of a Virgil move than a Roman one, but he couldn’t help himself. There was something comforting about the-

“Sweet fucking Shakespeare!” Roman’s hand flew up to cover his eyes as light burst through the small room, quickly followed by the strong smell of coffee.

“Sorry! I was unaware that there would be anybody in here.” As Roman dropped his hand, blinking owlishly in the sudden light, the newcomer made his way over to the machine on the far side of the room from him. “Most people prefer not to fumble around in the dark.”

Remus or Remy would have made some comment about how fumbling around in the dark could be quite fun really. Roman just shrugged. “It’s been a long day.”

He had expected the other man to say something; instead, silence fell over the room, broken only by the sound of the powder tray being opened, filled, and closed again.

Roman didn’t mean to stare, but he couldn’t help it. He had seen the person in the room next to him only twice so far this term, and only knew his name because the mailroom was organised by room number rather than alphabetically, and the name Roman Prince was right next to Logan Ursa.

Logan looked more tired than he had on either of the other times Roman had seen him. There were deep bags under his eyes, the shadows almost deeper than Virgil’s had been at the height of his eyeliner experiments, and the black ponytail that hung halfway to his waist was missing, replaced with what could only be described as a thicket of tangled hair. It looked as though he had been outside even less than Roman had in the past few months: his skin was so pale it seemed to glow under the fluorescent laundry-room lights. There was a steaming mug and a thick book on the lid of the machine beside him, and Roman had the strong feeling that it wasn’t the first coffee Logan had had that evening.

The washing machine Logan had been loading began to rumble, and as the other student straightened up and picked up his book, Roman made himself duck back down to finish his own task.

He’d have to come back to collect his clothing later - Roman suddenly regretted deciding to get this done now, when it meant he would have to return at almost two in the morning, but there wasn’t much he could do about it now.

“Do you want me to leave the light on?” He was more trying to make conversation than anything else: Logan was perched on one of the machines in the corner, nose already buried in what Roman could now see was a heavy medical textbook.

“Obviously.” 

Yeah, he probably should have guessed that.

-

Logan was still in the laundry room when Roman returned to collect his clothing two hours later. He was still sat on the same machine, although now he was speaking into his phone in what sounded like rapid Italian. (It definitely wasn’t Spanish: Roman was almost fluent in Spanish). (The languages were similar, but although he could guess at a few words, he had no idea what was going on). (Not that he was eavesdropping, of course). Logan’s hair was even messier than it had been before, and out of the corner of his eye Roman caught him jerking his free hand through it once or twice.

Roman pulled his now-warm and dry clothing from the machine and dumped it into his laundry basket, doing his best to ignore the way Logan was practically shouting behind him, but couldn’t stop himself from startling at the wordless, frustrated yell that came from the taller man a few minutes later. He was halfway to the door, but paused and glanced at Logan, who was stuffing his phone angrily into the oversized hoodie he was wearing.

“Everything okay over there?”

“Family stuff,” came the snappish response. Roman watched for a few seconds as Logan knelt in front of his own machine and began jerking clothing from it, folding pants as though he wished he were ripping them to pieces instead, then throwing several dark shirts over his shoulder and stalking over to one of the ironing stations.

“Pretty loud family stuff,” Roman commented, then wondered why he was bothering. It had been clear from his first meeting with Logan that the other student wasn’t there to make friends: Roman had been carrying a large cardboard box into his room the day he had moved in, and bumped into him in the hallway. Logan had looked him up and down, said something like, “Keep the volume down. I’m here to work,” and marched past him as though Roman were no more interesting than a hat stand.

Sure enough, Logan didn’t turn to face him, instead ironing a shirt in a manner that strongly hinted that he wanted to make it beg for mercy. “None of your business family stuff.”

“Are you-”

“None. Of your. Business.” This time, Logan actually did glance over his shoulder, and fixed Roman with a scowl that suggested that if he didn’t drop it, his face was going to be the next thing under the iron.

Roman left quickly. He had done his best to be friendly, and if Logan wasn’t interested, that was his problem. He didn’t seem like the sort of person Roman would really want to be friends with anyway.

Logan’s haggard expression lingered in his mind as he made his way back up to his dorm room and began stuffing his now-clean clothes into his wardrobe. He should probably start packing - his suitcase was sitting open and empty against one wall - but he had plenty of time.

Besides, he was exhausted.

Roman had changed into a pair of sweatpants and gotten into bed by the time he heard the door to the room next to his slam shut. Clearly, Logan was still annoyed by whatever ‘family stuff’ had had him first yelling into his phone and then taking his frustration out on his laundry and somebody trying to be friendly.

How long could Logan hold a grudge? Was he the kind of person who would calm down after a couple of hours of sleep, or would whatever he had been arguing about be hanging over him for the next week or so? That would make the winter break uncomfortable…

Or maybe he wasn’t going home. He had looked pretty invested in the textbook he had been studying earlier, despite it being almost midnight and no longer termtime. Maybe Logan was going to stay in the dorms over the winter break and use the hours without lectures for private study.

That sounded like a lonely way to spend the next three weeks.

The idea struck Roman suddenly, and he sat bolt upright in bed, the kind of elation that only comes with golden inspiration coursing through him. He would persuade Logan to come back home with him for the holidays! If Janus took it to mind to ask Janine about him, she’d be able to verify that Logan didn’t socialise much; all he would have to do would be show up briefly for the wedding, and he could spend the remainder of the holiday studying all he wanted, away from ‘family stuff’!

He would ask Logan the following morning, and when he agreed, Roman would book the plane tickets home - he’d pay, of course. Or rather, he’d use the money his mother had sent him so that he could bring his fictional boyfriend home. Either way, Logan wouldn’t have to spend any money himself!

Laying back down, Roman pulled his thin blanket back up to his neck and rolled onto his side, satisfaction warming him more thoroughly than any hot drink could.

This was the best idea he’d ever had.

-

“That is the worst idea I have ever heard.” Logan glanced into the hallway over Roman’s shoulder as though expecting an audience for a practical joke. “I cannot believe you have wasted my time listening to you.”

“Is… That a maybe?” Roman tilted his head and gave Logan his best puppy eyes.

Alas, Logan’s heart must have been made of stone. “No.” He made to slam the door.

Well, Roman couldn’t have that. It had been difficult enough to get Logan to even open the door in the first place, and harder still to get him to listen beyond the initial “I need you to do me a huge favour, okay, but it works out for you too.” In hindsight, maybe he shouldn’t have led with that. But then he had explained, and for some reason Logan was still trying to close the door on him.

“Ow!”

“That was entirely your fault.”

“You just slammed the door on my foot!”

“You did put your foot there after I had begun closing the door. My point stands.”

Technically, Logan was correct, but Roman wasn’t there to quibble over technicalities. “You got the part where I’d pay for your flights, right? All you have to do is show up for one day in something resembling formalwear, and in return you get rent free accommodation and food all holiday! Plus company!”

“I have too much to do to pretend to be your boyfriend for three weeks for no reason. Find somebody else.” Logan made to close the door again, and this time Roman caught it with his hand.

“There is nobody else!” Roman was aware that he was beginning to sound desperate. “You’re like, the only person I know!”

“That sounds like your personal problem, not mine.” Several strands of hair had fallen from the impressive tangle around Logan’s ears and into his face, and he blew them out of the way. His breath smelled like coffee - bitter coffee. Roman wrinkled his nose. “Let go of my door.”

“Come on, Logan! What else are you going to be doing this holiday?”

“Studying! I have exams to pass!”

“You can study at my place. You won’t have to pay holiday rent there!”

“I won’t have to pay holiday rent if I go to my mom’s place, either! Let go of my door!”

Roman finally pulled his aching foot out of the way, but didn’t remove his hand from the wood. “You don’t want to go back to your mom’s place, though, do you? The phonecall -”

The glare that Logan sent him could have frozen the insides of a volcano, and his voice was suddenly cold enough to make Roman shiver. “Good day, Roman.” This time, Roman jerked his hand out of the way, and the door snapped shut in his face.

Shit. Maybe he shouldn’t have tried to use Logan’s ‘family stuff’ against him. He made a note of that for future reference, then hammered against the door again.

“Please, Logan!”

Silence.

“I’ll be forever in your debt!”

More silence. Maybe Logan would prefer something a little more extravagant?

“I’ll sing of your virtues from the rooftop every night for the rest of the year!”

Nothing.

Okay, maybe that had been a little much. Logan had made it clear that he was there to work and didn’t want to be disturbed in his caffeine fueled study crusades, so something excessive was possibly the wrong way to persuade him to do this.

Oh-

“I’ll pay for your coffee for the rest of the year?”

Roman held his breath and waited.

And waited.

Just when he thought that he had been wrong and that Logan really wasn’t going to be persuaded, the door opened the tiniest of amounts. Logan was still frowning at him, but some of the ice was gone from his expression.

“That’s your dealbreaker? Coffee?”

“I drink a lot of coffee.” A slight deepening in the crease between Logan’s eyes told Roman not to push the subject. “You need a date to a wedding. In return, you pay for my flight there and back, provide accommodation for the duration of the winter vacation, and keep me supplied with coffee for the rest of the year.”

“Well, a wedding, the reception, any pre-wedding parties, and keeping up the act while we’re around other people,” Roman corrected, counting on his fingers. From the irritated twitch of Logan’s left eye, he got the feeling that he hadn’t mentioned the reception or the potential stag night in his initial pitch.

“Blue Moon or Red Planet.”

“What?”

“The coffee. I like Blue Moon or Red Planet coffee. They’re more expensive, so I don’t expect them every time - maybe a ratio of three regular jars to one nice jar.”

Roman blinked. “Uh… Okay.”

Logan nodded once. More hair fell over his eyes. “I’ll draw up a schedule and provide you with estimated projections of my coffee habits for the rest of the year so you can budget accordingly. When do we leave?”

“Um… Monday.” Still reeling from Logan’s sudden and complete 180, Roman cast around for something to say, but the long haired man got there first.

“Monday. That gives us approximately two and a half days to draw boundaries and fabricate enough pictures and stories to give our deceit credibility.” Logan closed his eyes, and Roman realised that he was staring again. He hadn’t expected the other to take this in stride so quickly. “Given that I have work to finish today and you will likely need several hours on Sunday evening to pack… Have you told your family how long we have been romantically involved?”

“Uh, since January. But I told them you were shy, so we don’t have to have any pictures or anything - we can say that all our dates were just pizza and Netflix, and…” He tailed off at the incredulous look on Logan’s face. “What?”

“You expect them to believe that we have been dating for eleven months and you haven’t taken a single photo? Roman, I have listened to you belting the lyrics of more break-up songs than I care to count.” Roman shrugged, and Logan rolled his eyes. “You are quite clearly a romantic. Had we really been dating, the number of pictures you would have taken on whatever extravagance you planned for our six-month anniversary alone would be infinitesimal.”

He had a point.

Roman had already stretched his family’s belief in him to breaking point (and probably well past it) by refusing to share even the smallest thing about his ‘boyfriend’ over the past eleven months; if he didn’t get home on Monday with at least a couple of dozen photos to share, their charade would be over before it could ever really begin. “Right. You’re right. We’ll need to spend the weekend planning, doing a photoshoot - it’ll be fun!”

“You,” Logan started, already retreating, “obviously have a different definition of that word than I do. Eight thirty tomorrow morning, The Roost. Bring a notepad, your phone, and a couple of changes of clothing suitable for various weather conditions.”

“Eight thirty? A prince needs his beauty-”

“Eight thirty. We are going to do this properly.”

Roman’s phone was in his hand barely seconds after Logan’s door had closed (albeit more gently than before).

Groupchat: Princes and Co.

[Can’t wait for you to meet logan!]

Roman 09:58

[a name!!!!!!!!!!]

Trash Rat 09:59

[we have a name!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

Trash Rat 09:59

[such a nice name! can’t wait either, ro!]

Pops 10:01

[About time! I’ve been stalling on the place settings for weeks waiting for this name]

Emo Nightmare 10:02

[Was about to fly out to LA to strangle it out of you]

Emo Nightmare 10:04

[he was. i had to physically restrain him from doing so yesterday]

Padre 10:04

[bet u both enjoyed that ;);););););)]

Trash Rat 10:04

Several people are typing…

[Suck a dick, Remus]

Emo Nightmare 10:05

[we did, actually]

Pops 10:05

[would but janjans at work :((]

Trash Rat 10:06

[Didn’t want to know, didn’t need to know.]

Roman 10:06

[Pat!]

Emo Nightmare 10:06

[Logan Ursa??? 4th yr medic??? Coffee addict???]

Snake Eyes 10:06

Roman stared at his phone for a second. That was faster than he had expected.

[u knew????? jan u held out on me??? the luv of ur greyspec life???]

Trash Rat 10:07

[You told Janus?! I’m your brother! He’s not even related to you!]

Emo Nightmare 10:07

[No I didn’t tell Janus!]

Roman 10:07

[I’m omniscient.]

Snake Eyes 10:08

[Plus I just asked Jannie for a list of all the Logans you could have associated with.]

Snake Eyes 10:09

[You and your sister scare me]

Roman 10:11

[He has surprisingly little internet presence.]

Snake Eyes 10:11

[Told you. He’s shy]

Roman 10:12

Sliding his phone back into his pocket, Roman returned to his room and picked up his laptop, this time to actually book the tickets he was supposed to have booked weeks ago. He had no doubt that they would arrive on Monday to discover that his family had already unearthed everything there was to know about his fake boyfriend - should he break that news to Logan before or after they were on the plane? Making the man paranoid might make their weekend photoshoot a lot more difficult.

Their photoshoot! If Logan was really on board, Roman would have to make this as easy as possible for him - and the performance of a lifetime for himself. Given that he was expected to bring a notebook to their meeting tomorrow, they were going to have to do a lot of brainstorming, so he might as well start coming up with ideas now. He already had a few as he grabbed a notepad from the mess on the floor and started hunting for a pencil.

No matter what his fake date said, this weekend was going to be a lot of fun.

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog issue 29

and continuing on!

the cover w/megatron and tailgate....tg so tiny...ooough

omg I forgot abt swerves long ass recap lol

the fact that they lowkey lampshade the fact that as mtmte was really hitting its stride, ending s1 fantastically, they got sucked into the whole dark cybertron thing...Ls

TG AND CYCLONUS HHHHH

tg as a lil car...and cyclonus smiling when he hears him coming...HHHH

also I love that cyclonus kept the great sword that he like, found amongst the belongings of all the dead circle of light members lmao 

or maybe the dude it belonged to didn't die, but he was too intimidated to ask cyclonus for his sword back. understandable 

tgs reaction to megatron...omg. I love him

I love ‘star sabered’ as a way of saying ‘drunk’ lmao

OUGHBHGGBHGJIHHIUHGHH and then when tailgate is like ‘ok, but HAVE I been missed?’ and cyclonus smiles and says ‘very much’ IM GONNA FUCKING DIE. this is only the BEGINNING of the tender gay pain for these two, how am I gonna survive this

the fact that tailgate’s criteria for ‘best day ever’ includes ‘people knowing who I am’ and ‘people being nice to me’...my boy 😭😭 

ah, trial time. I'm not really one for court/procedural stuff, and the gay space robots edition of judge judy is about as much as I can handle 

OOOOOF the list. the liiiiiiist

AUGHHHHH rodimus....rodimus....please make good decisions my boy

TEN!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love him

the little swerve icon on the ‘no guns no swords no briefcases’ sign omg

the panel of megatron like, smirking and reclining while ultra magnus yells at him is wild...I always forget that those two like, actively didn't get along at the beginning, mostly bc we only see that for a few issues, but still, it’s pretty ironic considering how things end up w/them later

lost light insider...I SO wish we could've gotten that one-shot issue about the guy who writes it, that's ridiculously up my alley 

skids saying ‘I don't think you’re fit to drive’ to trailcutter is like, bending my brain, bc like...is it a DUI if a transformer drives around in alt mode while drunk...you're not driving a car, you're driving YOURSELF, but still...bruh

oh god starscream is here hvbakjhfbjksdbfj he’s such a bitch I love him

starscream putting on his theater kid crown, ready to make the fuck-up-the-plot-of-a-series-I'm-not-even-in speech of a lifetime

magnus and optimus: ok enough drama you gay idiot get to the point

that panel of starscream raising his hands up like ‘ok ok sheesh lol’ is so fucking funny

ok oh man, that is an epic speech. like, ooof. ‘he deserves pity.’ WOW

I feel like it also does such a good job showing how much bad blood is between starscream and megatron, and goes to show how megatron fucked Absolutely Everything up, including his dynamic w/his subordinates 

anyways, I cant believe starscream roasted megatron so hard that megatron ended up become a main cast member in mtmte bc of spite lmao

meanwhile nightbeat is contemplating the Mystery Stick™

nightbeat yet again pulling his bbc sherlock bs on somebody, this time...chromedome, certified grieving widow. never change nightbeat hvbhjakdsfbsakjdf

AUHGHHHHHH DATA GHOST REWIND IM HHHHHHHHHH

HIM 😭😭😭

I'M SO FUCKING SAD

REWINDDDDDDDDD

meanwhile, trailcutter is wearing a gopro to pull some sick illegal pranks for his youtube channel

there was probably a content creator power vacuum in the lost light youtuber community after rewind died and now everyone is scrambling to be the next big vlogger/editor

megatron: we should play this by the book

magnus: I have no choice but to simp

nautica is that Straightedge Square who gets caught up in sketchy shit and just dips vbhsjdkbfdjaskdf. the cops get called on a party and she's already gone, she drove you there but she left w/the car, whoops. I love her

oh I adore the panel with all the stuff labelled. tho ‘ambulons stuff (untouched)’ is making me really sad

ah, the premiere of the panic bubble, which will indeed be showing up again later

meanwhile starscream is doing lowkey anime poses and waxing poetic about how hard he dunked on megatron in front of everyone. I get the feeling he’s been waiting a long time for that one

oiguhahgudaf I forgot about chromedomes weird looking alt mode. cooked turkey lookinnnnn

don't knock ‘the power of love,’ nightbeat. You'll See™

the fact the cd is still looking for dominus even tho rewind is dead and also they haven't like, had any leads in millions of years...oof it hurts

gotta be honest, my first readthru I didn't understand the (really cool looking) panel of the lost light from the outside w/half of nightbeats hab suite missing, bc I just was like ‘oh its a visual framing technique for Cool Comic Panel’ lmao

ok I need the backstory of megatron being able to karate-chop people into permanent sobriety

megatron hiring trailcutter but in the most threatening way possible

oh, good, the coffin’s bleeding!

OHHH and the reveal that RODIMUS IS IN THE COFFIN and OH HEY we STILL haven't seen rodimus in the flash forwards have we??? hmmm

optimus: ok back to judge prime: luna 2 trials, magnus you got anything to add?

magnus: ಠ_ಠ(•_•)

and then we have megatron being the pettiest mfer in the known universe and changing his plea bc starscream pwned him ONCE 

hhhh and rodimus looking at the list...It Fuckin Hurts. my boy please make a good decision

thinkin abt how if optimus was like, supportive and understanding when rodimus tried to open up to him about his struggles w/leadership, all this might've gone differently...AUGH

anyways, cool issue! we’re doing lots of setup for the new status quo for s2, and there’s a mystery afoot! 

I don’t have much to say here tbh lol, this is a good issue and all but I don’t really have anything to add, soooo til next time!

[swampgallows]

..

i used to be really skinny, and i used to have tons of cute dresses that fit my skinny frame. i used to confidently be a size medium no matter what it was. then i started outgrowing juniors clothes and i realized i wasn’t a ‘junior’ anymore. i had entered ‘adult’ territory. which is frightening. and it wasn’t that i was fat, i just grew up. my shoulders and ribcage became too wide for shirts designed for, you know, thirteen year old girls.

but i wasn’t 5′2″ and 90 lbs, so i always still felt too big, too in the way, too much like i had to wear trash bags and hide myself for being an obstruction to fashion or beauty. 

i had so many cute dresses that i never wore and will never wear again. they will never fit me again no matter how much weight i lose. they wont fit my skeleton six months after ive been dead. 

somehow a gif of a woman cooking while wearing lingerie popped up on my dashboard. i remember buying a thong for Him, wearing it for Him, and how uncomfortable it felt, and how disgusting and awful i felt wearing it, but that i did it For Him, and i was in his kitchen and told him to feel under my already-sheer silk nightie for the black lace thong. 

all he said was ‘oh,’ and half-smiled. then, later, when i told him how heartbroken i felt, he said he was ‘embarrassed’ because ‘sometimes guys just arent horny’, or whatever. but it was because he, by this time, had already been cheating on me. but he sugarcoated it with something about my ‘cute little ass’, which i knew was pejorative, because he always talked about girls’ huge asses and had their ugly spread pussies and buttholes plastered all over his idiot fucking blog.

yeah, i DID have a cute little ass, and i fucking wasted it on you. i tried so hard to be the stupid fucking straight girl you wanted, to be the submissive you wanted, to be your best kept fucking secret because you REFUSED to commit to me, letting your shitty, trashy taste infest mine. your fucking superficial occultism and sex-posi fauxminism. you were only interested in comics because you got off to the same racist sexist trash that crumb did, and you were only interested in bakshi for the pulp. you tried to act ironic about it but jesus christ you really WERE turned on by chainmail bikinis. absolutely fucking pathetic. less of an aesthete than a hippie blowing glass in his airbrushed wizard van. even deadheads would tell you to get with the fuckin times. 

and i wasted it on you! i really did look at somebody with the name [redacted] and thought ‘oh yeah, thats the one. mr generic, that’s the guy for me. a proto-neo nazi? sign me up!’

i cant believe the amount of hatred i harbored toward myself. how much i hated myself to settle for that. how much i hated myself to not wear my pretty dresses. how fearful i was. how scared i was, and am, to be seen. how lonely i feel. how alone i am. how men look at me like i’m a doll, then stick a key in me and wind me up to operate as their surrogate mother.

i’m so fucking over straight men, dude. i’m so fucking tired of living in their world, defining myself by their principles, being compared to their standards of aesthetics. i’m so fucking sick of all the philosophs and academics and theologians and notepad scribblers, all the alphas and betas and omegas and kappas and poggers and channers and goons and what the fuck ever else, all the billionaires and ceos and presidents and managers, all the stupid johns and davids and brians and jameses looking at the world like a game of risk, a game only they would be stupid enough to invent and derive pleasure from, of cordoning up the planet and its peoples like slices of pie that they forced their barefoot pregnant wives to bake. 

i’m suffering in this world from a deficit of beauty, beauty of my own creation and within my own body. i haven’t respected my beautiful body, i haven’t respected my beautiful clothes, ive burrowed myself away in a warren of anxiety and fear away from dawns and sunsets and the crabs on the jetty while counting barnacles, too stubborn and stupid to chip off the ones growing endlessly on my back (and my face). 

i can make my body more comfortable, but i will never get the one i had back. my twenties are gone, and my youth was wasted on the young. 

i feel like no matter how old i get, no matter how successful i may feel or become, no matter what i accomplish of my own merits and how many fears i quash, i will always have this cacophonous jury of faceless pedophiles in my mind reminding me that i am no longer supple, that i am no longer useful, that all of the things i do in my life are only shortcomings in an attempt to make up for being a worthless cumdump. that no matter what i do, even if i find love and make my own home and live a successful life, i will only hear them telling me how my chest isnt flat, how my nose is too big, how the fun is gone now that im no longer a ten year old boy from behind. 

my therapy appointment is in six hours, and i dont really know if i can open up with that.

[wickymicky]

you know, i used to say that Egoist or Hi High were my number one favorite kpop songs (it went back and forth, i think i was most vocal about Egoist being my number one but there were times when i felt like it was Hi High), but like... idk... like aside from So What, i feel like i’ve barely listened to Loona at all so far this year, and honestly it’s been like six or seven months, maybe eight or nine, since i regularly listened to Loona every day (again, aside from So What).... i’ve listened to Egoist, a song that i considered my favorite kpop song hands down for the majority of the time i’ve been into kpop, like ten times this year and that’s it... and some of those times were because i had the thought “oh jeez i havent listened to this song in a long time, i should do that... i’m betraying it...”

i wonder if i only kept saying/thinking that egoist is my favorite kpop song because i said it once and i had to stick to it... i think its pretty clear to any mutuals i have that my actual favorite kpop song is something like picky picky though, a song i actually post about all the time and listen to really frequently...

:/

so yeah, there’s no easy way to say this, but it really feels like i’m hanging on to Loona out of a sense of loyalty more than anything else :( it’s hard to put into words but listening to Loona feels kinda different these days. knowing more about how they decided things on the fly and how rushed the selection of the final members was (and how little the members were told) kinda... like... doesn’t it change how you listen to a song like New or Egoist? it certainly gives a lot more context to Yves being really shy in those first loonatvs she was in... and Olivia’s experience with her debut was such a whirlwind, like, she was just kind of thrust into the group... i have soooo much respect for all the members for being able to handle it, and i think it’s a fuckin miracle that it worked and they ended up with twelve incredible members, all of whom are so talented and any group would be lucky to have them, but even still just... some of the fun is lost a little bit for me. and I can’t listen to Everyday I Love You, one of my favorite Loona songs, without thinking of how much Vivi’s potential has been wasted. it turned a song that i have fun while listening to into one that makes me frustrated or sad. 

for whatever reason, i feel less of that when listening to ot12 stuff, even if some members get shit for lines, tho tbh, and this is a really hot take and i’m sorry... but i’m really mostly just into their three title tracks (and Favorite i guess), i rarely listen to their bsides.. they don’t hit me the same way, i guess. anyway though it’s the predebut stuff that makes me frustrated or sad. i cant help but empathize and think of what they must be feeling in the predebut era... happiness and excitement sure, but also nervousness, anxiety, stress, etc... the one by one debut concept was novel and it ended up working out in a sense, but at what cost? it was able to work out because the yyxy members were brought in at the last minute, Hyeju literally with only like 24 hours before they were gonna reveal the next member, and with all the changes we know about like Vivi probably being intended to be in OEC and things like that, and trainees that BBC had who for whatever reason ended up being rejected also probably at the last minute in favor of the yyxy members who were brought on... sigh... idk

it feels like it’s getting harder and harder to be a fan of this group, too. as they get more popular and more recognition, the fandom is growing, and with that comes a lot more drama, none of which i particularly care about (aside from the stuff relating to the group itself, as i’ve been talking about). they got their first win, and i was happy at the time, but... i’m worried about their future. it’s not that i wish they didnt get their first win, it’s just... i hope this doesnt make BBC feel validated in overworking and over-controlling them, you know? i want to believe that a lot has changed for the better since after Butterfly, especially when Jaden Jeong left, but we just have no way of knowing that for sure. there’s evidence for both sides, so at the end of the day, all we can do is speculate, and that doesnt really help anything. 

it sucks to admit this to myself but i feel like i’m losing interest in this group because of all this. whenever i’ve watched loona content from the So What era, sometimes they do seem happy, but even then there’s this feeling that they’re stressed and tired. are they happy? again, we can only speculate, so it’s best not to, but i cant stop my idiot brain from assuming the worst and picking up on signals that might not even actually be there, it’s just confirmation bias. maybe i only feel like theyre not at 100% because i’m already worried theyre not at 100%, you know? hmmm. also, i just... don’t think i feel the same connection with this group that i used to. maybe i never really did, tbh. they were my first group, my introduction to kpop, and i genuinely love some of their stuff still, but i feel like as i’ve gotten sooooo much more understanding of this whole kpop industry and i can put loona’s discography in context with aaaaaallllllll the other kpop songs i’ve listened to.... i feel like a lot of their stuff hasn’t aged as well as i would want, for me. you know how sometimes you wonder how much of what you like is really stuff you like, and how much is only because other people like it so you subconsciously feel you have to too? well, at first i would have said i genuinely love all of it and i could explain why, but idk i think i was convincing myself of some of it... as ive found more stuff that i genuinely love, it becomes clearer what are my things and what arent, you know? when i only knew 30 kpop songs and had 5 super-favorites, it was easier to overestimate some things, but now that i know hundreds and have a really deep pool of super-favorites, some of that early stuff i found is overshadowed, i guess. maybe egoist isnt as special to me anymore cause like.. at the time, i hadnt heard many kpop songs like it, but now... i have. and some of them do what it does just as well................. if not better............... sigh, i feel like im punching my past self in the gut

if this hurts you to read cause you’re a huge orbit, trust me, i know what you mean, it hurts to admit this. it kinda sucks to realize that you’re slowly losing interest in something you once loved and was incredibly important to you. 

oh and by the way, when i talk about losing interest, i dont mean that i dont care about loona anymore lmao, i just mean theyre going from my number 1 or 2 or 3 spot down to like my number 5 or 6 or 7 spot haha, alongside other groups that i like a lot but don’t follow the same way i follow my ults. so like even if i continue feeling this way about them, theyre still one of my favorite groups lol. like i guess i would kinda place them around where i would place twice or another group like that in my top 10? anyway... i just had to get this all off my chest. it started out being a post just about egoist and kinda hi high too, but then i realized i had a lot more to say haha, sorry. hopefully this doesnt upset anyone, idk, i hope you understand where im coming from :(

[hepivs-blog]

❝   zoë kravitz.  cisfemale.  she/her.   ❞   ━    𝕝𝕒𝕜𝕖𝕧𝕚𝕖𝕨  welcomes  alexandra palmer  with  open  arms.  the thirty two year  old  mechanic has  been  living  here  for  seventeen years,  give  or  take.  on  a  good  day,  they  seem  the  affable  &  tactile type,  but  their  sullen  & distant  tendencies  shine  through  when  there  are  no  taxis  into  the  city.

hey whats up jake paulers. ron here once again, bc i have poor impulse control and i just love too many ppl to only pick one fc at the end of the day yk. so here’s my second kid, alex. n honestly my big little lies ass is just head over heels w zoë so its a win win. anyway, here’s my gal

folks!!!!! *claps hands* ( im too into the kurtis conner intro im sorry ), this yee haw mf right here is alexandra katherine palmer and for the early fifteen years of her life she lived in tucson, arizona so u can say shes a certified yee yee cowgirl n all tha yk

family wise the girl hasn’t had a grand ol time yk, her mom died when she was four due to cystic fibrosis and boy did it take a TOLL on her family fr. honestly tbh alex’s dad loved her mother so much and made sure that alex grew up loving the memory of her mom as much as he did

so yeah, maybe out of a need to occupy alex’s time with activities that encouraged a healthier life for her or out of fear that alex had inherited her mom’s disease, the palmer papa made sure alex was always wrapped up in sports. swimming, cross country, basketball, nothing was too much for alexandra and she genuinely felt a deep connection w athletic activities. but the real winner out of all the modalities alex performed, the girl was an innate boxer

in fact, she became kind of a rising star. alex took up boxing at twelve years old and evolved quickly, her natural disposition and agility were a deadly match and three years later, alex was invited to join a professional boxing team in louisiana ( the reason why they came to lakeview ok )

ofc alex thrived and put a lot of wins under her belt, winning a few championships, even H O W E V E R, when alex was getting ready to go big and finally turning eighteen her dad, papa palmer, had a stroke :///

so she was left with a choice of closing her dad’s garage and going off to fight ppl everywhere professionally and leaving her dad to the care of nurses and the like, or staying w her dad and abandoning her dream of being the next million dollar baby

obvs you can tell which option she picked. bc of her childhood trauma of losing a parent, alex couldn’t envision a living where she didn’t stay and help out her dad. and though nowadays papa palmer is alive and well and kicking, the window of her success is already closed. but alex doesn’t resent her dad for it tbh, if she had to make the choice ten times over, she’d pick her dad

nowadays alex works in her family’s garage and makes a living as a mechanic but she ocasionally still pumps out a few punches. she’s also v protective of her father and couldn’t bear if anything ever happened to him tbh ( can u imagine that??? a good dad?? me neither )

her personality is v hot n cold tbh shes v matter of fact and doesn’t take any bullshit and at the same time shes v confident and extroverted bc of all the sports shes ever practiced and being good at them all yk it must b nice to not suck at coordination skills

yeehaw lesbian yk

has some trouble w relationships bc she always viewed her parents marriage as the be all end all of relationships and the fact that her dad hasn’t remarried and how he says his mother n him were soulmates rlly gets to alex n its sad cause she cant believe she’ll find that in her life thus making her a lil cynical

however v flirty n will offer to pay drinks for pretty girls

kind of a sweetheart but has a hard time showing that cause she hates feeling vulnerable or some dumb shit like that so yk dont invite her to watch sad movies cause she’ll cry n then punch u bc u made her watch it

loves to fish bc shes outdoorsy n annoying

abs for fuckin days

oh def a stoner my dude, she loves to fix cars n smoke n listen to some swift lauryn hill yk how it is

won’t ever admit she has feelings ok the way she’ll show she cares about u is asking you for ur netflix password cause she considers that a familial gesture idk either

conspiracy theories galore she swears she saw an ufo while farming when she was a teenager

has a weird sense of humor but she means well

her pinterest board

okay so i still have one more intro to write but if you’d like to plot w my beautiful but ocasionally aggressive gay pls hmu or yell into the void n i will come to u. thats it arigato n sayonara

[thenixkat]

Hork-Bajir Chronicles notes

Hork Bajir chronicles

Prologue from Tobias instead of from one of the hork bajir

I’d much rather a normal hork-bajir perspective

The elimist is a cheater

Then, below me, I saw a sight that made me glad to be there. A strange creature like nothing Earth has ever given birth to. It was four feet tall. There were razor-sharp blades at its ankles, knees, wrists, and elbows. There were two long, forward-raked horns coming from its head. It had a tail that ended in Stegosaurus spikes.

Huh

Listen I wanna read the adventures of Ket and Jara rescuing their people

I don’t like the animorphs

Fuck off Tobias

Andalite date: year 8561.Z

Yeerk date: Generation 685, mid-cycle

Hork-Bajir date: early-warm

Earth date: 1966

Not like I’m good at time shit

Also Finally moving into the story and its not even a dman hork-bajir narrating the first section

So andalites were specist as fuck towards the yeerks b4 the yeerks got violent

I could not watch anymore. I ran outside, unnoticed by the adults. I ran outside into the Yeerk twilight. The wild green and yellow-streaked sky was turning dark.

The harsh air rasped in my throat. Soon the nightly rain, the acid rain, would fall and I would have to retreat back into the shelter.

To bad no one ever gives a name for the yeerk homeworld

It took 2 years for Aldrea to go from young enough to not be worth notice in a military meeting to almost grown

I’m not like most females. Dear gods

For the most part it looked more like some dead moon than a living planet. Much of the surface was dark gray, sterile rock. I knew from our briefing that there was only a very thin atmosphere. It was cold. Bitterly cold. With air so thin that an Andalite could expect to suffocate and die within thirty minutes.

But around the equator of the planet was a strange sight: huge, deep rifts, interwoven, interconnected. It looked as if someone had stepped on the planet, squashing it like a ripe ooka melon so that the sides had burst open.

In fact, that's exactly what had happened. Millions of years earlier, a massive asteroid had hit the planet's northern pole. The impact had shattered the crust, especially around the equator.

It had opened massive valleys that cut deep, deep into the planet's surface.

Valleys with steep, rugged walls. The valleys were as much as fifty miles deep and held onto a rich nitrogen-oxygen atmosphere. The walls of the valleys were green. The floors of the valleys were a poisonous, eerie blue. Our sensors did not penetrate that blue mist.

Interesting. Father Deep sounds interesting

It takes 2 months to go from the Andalite home world to Father Deep

It took two years for Aldrea’s brother Barafin to be born and decent young kid age

Four crew members began unloading our supplies and equipment. And I stepped out for the first time on the planet that was merely called Sector 5, RG-21578-4. RG meant red giant. That was the type of sun at the center of this system. The dash-four meant this was the fourth planet from that sun.

More info on Father Deep

Finally a damn hork-bajir perspective

Not any of the monsters of the Deep. Not any of the lizards or snakes of the Outside. They had four legs. One, two, three, four. They had a tail, but it was high, not dragging the ground. They had two arms. They had no blades, except one small blade on each of their tails. Their horns were very small. And they moved. And there were eyes on the ends of their horns.

I want to know more about this world. How well have horks explored the Outside?

Dak may be a seer but he lack good old common sense and fear of potential danger, Jagil has to put up with a lot of shit

Oh we get Espilin 9466 viewpoint/backstory too

Older Yeerks spoke of the pools of home. Of their smells and temperatures; of their size and spaciousness; of their traditions that stretched back for hundreds of generations.

I want all the alien backstroies

Huh, most of Espilin’s friends and family don’t like the whole being in a host thing

Yeerks hacked the andalite computers

Back to the damn andalites

Andalites being specist and ableist? Who’da thunk it

"The small, feathered one? It's called a chadoo."

It was no more than two feet long and covered in deep blue feathers. It had four short legs and two elongated arms ending in claws. It moved by racing along branches and then leaping through the air, much as Dak did. But the chadoo had skin flaps that caught the air like an airfoil, so that it could glide.

Wild life on Father Deep

Wait, why is it a hexapod when the horks are tetrapods?

As yes what was that about horks having no culture? b/c that looks like damn culture

With Espilin 9466

Fucking andaliteaboo

Huh, espilin was noticed by his superiors

Epilin is a dick

The other was Akdor 1154. It was Akdor who had led the uprising against the Andalites.

It was Akdor who had first understood the concept of using a host body to act as a predator. It was Akdor who had personally killed four of the Andalite scum.

Akdor 1154 was a damn pioneer

Dak Hamee again

"No," I said, smiling. Aldrea had said that Andalite trees could speak in a way. Guide trees: Gari-bahs. But I was not sure I believed it. Our trees did not speak. "We call it the language of the trees, but it is only what we Hork-Bajir use as our primitive communicators. At night the great sound speaks from across the valley. It is how we speak with our brothers and sisters of the other two tribes in the valley. The sound is made by stretched vines. The vine is soaked in rain. Then it is stretched tight, vertically, between high branches and low branches.

"Three of these vines are strung this way, all in one chosen tree. The tree must be a very old Nawin tree, for Nawin trees become hollow with age. One vine must be ten times the height of a Hork-Bajir. The second must be seven heights. The smallest five heights.

"Two Hork-Bajir climb out on branches and hold a long, straight sapling. This sapling is drawn across the vine, creating a deep sound."

<Resonance,> Aldrea said. <lt's almost a type of music>

"Yes. Sad music tonight," I said. "It is the southern tribe. They tell us that three of their people have been taken to Father Deep." I listened some more to the low, long, sad notes that vibrated around the valley, echoing from the walls.

"They say that Father Deep has created new monsters. They are ... small. That's strange. The monsters of the Deep are always larger than us. Yet these were small. Two legs. . . long arms. . . yellow eyes."

Again hork-bajir have fucking culture, techno0logy

Aldrea fucking tell the horks what they’re in for!

God damn, how ambitious do you have to be for Espilin 9466 to say yer too ambitious

Espilin is a better military strategist than Carger 7901

Aldrea’s family is dead

I don’t think she’s gonna apologize for damaging one of Dak’s blades

Dak comes to realize that people can intentionally choose to hurt each other. He is not ok with this

Yeah, Aldrea is a very angry and plenty spiteful

I really hope Dak isn’t ashamed of his people

I find iyt hard to believe that horks have no concept of parasites, parasites tend to pop up anywhere there’s an opportunity for parasitism

Dak is concerned about the cultural harm this could cause his people as well

Yeah, that sounds very selfish Aldrea

Dak is very insightful

No Dak should not trust Aldrea

Right, there’s a reason that horks stay out of the deep

I don’t like Aldrea

Dak, you could do better

The walls of the chasm were covered in an amazing, intricate filigree: windows, doors, walkways, arches, open spaces cut back into the cliff. All connected vertically by stone stairways.

Thousands of feet below, below all this incredible construction, maybe tens of thousands of feet, was the valley floor. It was not as bright as a sun. But it was bright enough to cast shadows upward from every stair and arch and windowsill.

It glowed red and yellow and seemed to seethe with slow, sluggish movement.

We were looking at the molten heart of the planet.

The world under the deep

Espilin you have too much faith in the andalites

Well, I cant say he doesnt know politics

Dak slept as Hork-Bajir do: He relaxed his legs and slumped down into a sort of sitting position, with legs splayed out in front and thick tail providing a third support. His head fell forward, chin to chest.

He was asleep instantly, as far as I could tell. I was jealous. Sleep isn't always that easy for me. For most Andalites. We are a watchful species. My mother explained it to me once when I found myself unable to sleep for several days.

<We no longer have predators to attack us,> she'd said, <but evolution does not just throw away adaptations that were necessary once. The animals we evolved from were prey for millions of years. They lived in vast herds, always watched by hungry predators. This was before we developed our tail blades and we had no protection but speed. We still feel the need to watch for predators. It may be a million years before we lose that instinct>

Biology!

Damn, Aldrea

The Arn are dicks

I do not feel sorry that they go extinct

Dont be a creeper Espilin

The Jubba-Jubba, like the three-fingered monstrosity that had attacked us.

The Galilash, fourteen feet tall, with green-and-red reptilian flesh and razored tentacles.

The Gorks, only three feet tall but twenty feet across, shuffling, twelve-legged horrors with

snapping, extending mouths on all sides.

There was a monster called a Lerdethak, a bizarre tangle of living vines surrounding a ravening mouth.

And then there were things the Hork-Bajir had never seen long enough to name. Things with mouths that could chew down a tree, things with needle-sharp quills ten feet long, things that squirted acid.

Deep monsters

I will not weep for the fuckin Arn.

Be quiet Aldrea

I will weep for Dak and his people

ANd thus the loss of the innocence of the hork-bajir

The hork-bajir killing helpless yeerks does not count as a war crime b/c they don’t have rules for war

Hork guerilla warfare

It was a dark day. Mother Sky was weeping, sending down tears to soothe Father Deep's anger. It was raining.

Culture

We climbed wearily back up out of the Am wall-city. We rested in the zone once inhabited by monsters and now empty. The wounded Hork-Bajir died. That night we found a tree away from any Yeerk concentrations. We dug a hole at the roots and buried him, in the Hork-Bajirn tradition.

Funeral culture

Of course the andalites take their sweey ass time and have the nerve to be racist fucks

And sexist as hell

Fuck andalites

Dak schooling andalite fuckers is a good

SO how does the timeline between Hork-Bajir chronicles match up with that in the Andalite chronicles

Espilin is good at this

This is still a loosing battle

I feel no pitty for the Arn

Fuck the andalites

Go off Dak, tell that andalite

The Hork-Bajir deserve better, Dak specificly deserved better than what he got

It was so easy morphing Alloran that I barely knew it was happening. There was no mental change. I still had the same Andalite instincts. But now, as I walked ahead of Dak, I felt the increased physical power of being in a male form. When I turned my stalk eyes back, I saw the heavy tail blade of a male. I also felt the slight male clumsiness, the lack of subtle balance that a female Andalite possesses.

Biology

So the andalites and the arn have decided to wipe out the hork-bajir to inconvience the yeerks

Fuck both the andalites and the arn

Good Aldrea finially got her shit together

Aldrea is now ride or die for Dak

Dak is the best character in this damn series

Aldrea is now a nothlit

Damnit!

Poor Gah

The andalites are fucking cowards and I will not weep for the Arn

Poor hork-bajir

Jara Hamee is a very good story teller

Jara and Ket name their daughter Toby after Tobias, Toby is diffrent

I want more stories from the hork perspective

[drterminal]

the umbrella academy s1 reactions - part 4

THIS IS THE LAST ONE I PROMISE.

+ i tagged spoilers this time uwu

im not putting this one under a cut bc my first post seems to be doing better than my others and y'all know i crave that validation. this probably won't get many notes anyway but im living my best life so!

EPISODE EIGHT

- CLAIRE!!!!!!!!

- aw the little animations for allison’s story,,,, my heart,,,

- “i wanna hear the one about the eiffel tower!” owo

- ALLISON NOOOOO :(

- interracial couple!!!!

- OH SHIT IS THAT WHY PATRICK WANTS A DIVORCE??

- “i heard a rumor that you love me” OH YMGOD 

- allison :(

- PROSTHETIC EYE

- okay but? how bad did those guys beat him up ????? like damb they really gouged out his fuckin eyes ( + vanya’s power affecting him )

- LUTHER’S A FUCKING VIRGIN SDNOIHJVGJDKANSDBHFEKJNEQ

- HFKJLDSJFBDNSD FIVE JUST TAKES LUTHER’S COFFEE - why tf is there so much traffic in the middle of nowhere

- “where have you been?” “jail”

- “you should have LED with that!”

- HE BROKE THE DOOR SNDKJFLD

- agnes: *closes donut shop* 

also agnes: *leaves all the lights on*

- SERGEANT CHEDDAR

- SISTERS!!!

- that scene w baby vanya & baby allison........ don't like that

- did they really have to have vanya be influenced by allison’s power?? that's dumb. why not be convinced you were ordinary because you were told that for years, despite seeing your powers for yourself, but slowly starting to believe those lies? you were only four, after all, and you haven't shown any signs of having a power since then. maybe you’re just ordinary, not because that mindset is forced onto you from your sister’s powers, but from your father’s abuse

- OH MY GOD THEY DID IT

- ALLISON’S VOCAL CHORDS WERE DESTROYED IN APOCALYPSE SUITE 

- I DIDNT THINK THEY WERE GONNA DO THAT SNSJKFNDKNF

- DONT SIT THERE CRYING TAKE HER TO A FUCKING HOSPITAL

EPISODE NINE

- OH MY GOD HER HEAD IS BACKWARDS

- vanya in bath..... pretty....

- DIEGO HAS A FEAR OF NEEDLES JDKALJNFKDAKSJDJF

- HE JUST PASSES OUT

- diego hargreeves is Baby and I Love Him

- “you’re better than that. and dave? he knew it too” JKKSFDLAFHBJIFUHUJIASDBDJA AAAAAA

- ben is So Good

- BEN HIT HIM ODPFKSLNGJFKOS HOLY SHIT

- VANYA FOUND THE BOOK

- HOLY FUCKING SHIT VANYA

- hsdjkbfhjad diego just grabbing klaus without even looking at him 

- hazel: busts in holding a gun

five: hey u want a margarita

- FHUIJDLKHBKDSFDBFNSKM DIEGO 

“hazel, why are you here?” “well—” *KICK*

- diego & hazel: fighting

five: *sips margarita*

- “i guess i would have grown up to be an emotionally stunted man-child like everybody else around here”

-  LUTHER 

- WHAT THEF UVDCK 

- FUCK YOU LUTHER

- hazel and cha-cha: fighting

music: sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows—

- hell yeah i knew she wasnt dead

- smiley pancakes!!!

- god i love grace

- HOLY

- SHIT

EPISODE TEN

- what? the fuck?

- what is this pixie hollow ass shit

- its the white violin time babey!!

- BEN DID IT AGAIN 

- oh my god pogo

- are they gonna do it????

- YEP THEY DID IT (pogo’s death)

- also i really hate the whole “you’re so qUiRkY and SpEcIaL,,,your powers were,, too great,,,,,, ówò,,,we had to hide you from the world, protect your siblings,,,” thing they did to vanya :/

- HSI FUCKIGN STUTTER I CANT :’0

- diego’s leg go bounce

- “she thought he was a furry” DFKSJHFDK

- “if i were going to date a man, you’d be the last man i would date” “you’d be lucky to get me”

- FIVE GETS HIS FORTUNE COOKIE!!!!

- claire!!

- allison :(

- HOLY SHIT?!>?@$<E

- DID THAT KILL HER???

- “WHO THE HELL ARE THESE GUYS???” “MAYBE THEY’RE HERE FOR KENNY’S BIRTHDAY!”

- aidan gallagher is such a good actor?? like damb he’s so young

- DID THAT KILL HER??

- forgive me for being a little skeptical after she survived a GRENADE

- “yeah, we’re fine, thanks for asking”

- SHIT CHA-CHA’S ALIVE - KLAUS AND BEN!!!!!!

- SHES TURNING WHITE

- diego :’0

- “oh welcome back where were you”

- PLEASE TELL ME THEY MAKE KLAUS DO HIS THING

- five: you gotta trust me on this

luther, diego, and klaus: no

- >:( they didnt make klaus hold up the moon via telekinesis 

- they’re COWARDS for not doing that smh

- instead they take the fucking cliche time travel ending 

- c o w a r d s

- aw baby umbrellas :0

-  IT JUST FUCKING ENDS LIKE THAT??>FMKLSD:F

- but GOD HAZY SHADE OF WINTER. FUCKING SLAPS

- anyway. i loved that. but im sleep now bc its like 2 am

[huayuns-blog]

ayyyyyyy im orion and i’m literally an 80 yr old stuck in an 18 yr olds body ? like its ten rn but a bih is ready to call it a night ! also i feel like i havent written an intro in like 1000000 yrs so cut me sum slack im stupid as shit SMSDKFJ ! lemme jus paste my app then i’ll put sum more under the cut cya !

└ wong yuk hei ( lucas ), nineteen, he/him ┐ this town wouldn’t be complete without zhao hua yun wondering around. they’re known as the artisan and have been living here for a year. i hear they really like neon signs, rainy nights, and cold weather, but can’t stand peanut butter, alcohol, and sand. their sole purpose ? i hear it’s to become more confident in his work and finally enter a piece into an art exhibit, but we’ll see how that goes.

ya ok im unprepared ... so what ? are any of us ever really prepared ? lemme jus throw down a few quick things aight 1. ) most people call him yuyu its just one of those nicknames that stuck from when he was young but he honestly doesnt care what you call him ? he likes nicknames and shit but also doesnt give a fuck either way 2. ) hes currently a student but wants to be a full time artist 3. ) hes p chill and usually down for wtvr but he doesnt fuck around with alcohol or anything just cause hes had bad experiences with it in the past however drugs are a diff story he’ll dabble ( i hate that word btw im just incompetent and cant think of another ) in it 4. ) if someone asks then he says that hes bi but he doesnt care for labels ? like he fully believes that if ur lucky enough to find love then gender becomes pretty irrelevant

anyway if ya wanna plot then jus smash that mf heart and i’ll shoot u a mssg or u can hmu idc but just a heads up that im p fuckin bad at plotting even tho i want em all SMDSFKJ !

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

MEAT EPILOGUE 2

12

DIZZAY: Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. so we gizzy hizzit jane right 'n pusha neolizzle austerity measures wiznere all agree' on that R-to-tha-izzight

KARKAT: UH HUH.

JIZZAY: yizzeah sizzle

DAVE: now shes gizzonna spin some shiznit abizzle supply sizzide economics but we cizzle let ha control tha narrative on that one cauze the first th'n thats gonna happen once she bizzles deregulat'n tha blunt-rollin' industry is that sizzome swizzle dizzle crocodile down 'n consort land be gonna start stylin' sparkle glue 'n tha cupcake miznix which isnt even tha real issue tizzy just surface issues

KIZZLE so show some love! RIGHT.

JADE like this and like that and like this and uh: definitely

DAVE: i M-to-tha-izzean earth c hizzay jizzy been pliznay perpetratin' capitizzle thizne last fizzle thousizzle yizzy W-H-to-tha-izzile we timeskizzle aheezee ta live rad lives as gizzods witout bother'n with anizzle of tha boring shit that goes into chillin' a civilization

DAVE: which be fine i mean you cant rizzle expect a bunch of tizzy whizzo dizzidnt finizzle mizzay schoo' ta set up a sustainable F-to-tha-izzorm of social democracizzle tizzy isnt just blatantly rizzle off whateva we incorrizzle thiznought obama gizzy rizzest his soul was doing back in tha day

KARKAT: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. SIZZLE

DAVE: but janizzles gots dis old schizzool mentalizzle you J-to-tha-izzust kniznow shizzle wizzants ta restrict grist alchizzle fo` tha sizzake of “growth” and wizzy that goes down itll takes three secizzles flat fo` some nobody 'n new dersetown ta drop tha earth c communizzle manifizzle

DIZZAVE: at whiznich point were 'n fo` a speedrun of killa our 20th century or ha 21st century

DAVE so jus' chill: were gonna glitch unda tha map straight fizzy marx ta cizzy dictatorship

DAVE: Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. which also isnt tha rizneal issizzle

KARKAT: I'm a fuckin 2-time felon. OH YEAH.

JADE: of courze

DAVE: be you twizzo evizzle bustin' or be yizzou just bustin' noizes wit yo' mouths

KARKAT: HOW DIZZY YOU.

KARKAT: I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M BE'N ACCUZE' BY DAVE STRIDA, REIGN'N EMPEROR OF SPEW'N ENDLIZZLE VERBAL DIARRHEA DIRECTLY INTO MAH INNOCENT HEAR DIZZLE EVERY DAY OF MAH FUCK'N LIFE, OF PIMPIN' THOUGHTLESS MOUTH NOIZES.

KARKIZZLE cuz its a G thang: JADE, BE YOU HEAR'N DIS?

JADE: im scandalize'

JADE: especially when

JIZZAY: there be much betta th'n we cizzy all be doing wit our mizzy.....

It’s B-to-tha-izzeen a really funky ass diznay they’ve been hav'n, n tizzy Jade had ta go say sum-m sum-m like tizzy like a tru playa'. Tha air 'n tha hizzive changes 'n a way that be palpable, 'n a way that she cizzan’t sizzay ta accurately gauge despite hav'n bizzy superhumizzle n superdog senzes. Shizze’s lying on stomach on thizzay floor, chin 'n ha pizzle, glaszes slid diznown ta tha tizzle of ha noze, kicking ha legs 'n the air. Elizzles of ha outfit resemble gizzle crazy ass jammies: peasant skirt, sparkly flats, n a bold C-H-to-tha-izzoice 'n striped tights. Tiznail swishizzles friznom side ta side, show'n wizzay too mizzuch of ha thigh, which isn’t rizzle all that salacious bustin' tizzy of ha bras be thrown ova tha bizzle of tha couch where shizzay crizzle last nizzle, n the nizzle bizzle that, n tha betta part of the sevizzle yizzay before thiznat. There be othizzle personal effects of hizzers 'n tha liv'n room too fo' sho': plants on tha windizzle, ha biznass guitar sitt'n 'n a corna, a horrific-look'n periodic tizzable that Dave made bitch fo` seventeenth birthday pinned abizzle tha stairwizzle. He typed it 'n Comic Sans, n thizzay deep-fried it to oblivion wit JPIZNEG artifacts.

Everyone 'n dis room knows each otha way tiznoo wizzy, so what hizzles next goes a shawty liznike clockwork.

KARKAT: UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Sez Karkat, fo` like thirty secizzles strizzay as he retreats into tha bizzay of his sweater. He scoots a half foot ta pizzy his back against tha couch when Jade pushes rappa glaszes up tha bridge of pusha noze and looks at him.

N Dave, wit hizzay preternaturally pizzle tim'n, sizzy a hand fucka hizzis tablet ta br'n up a new PowerPoint slizzle on tha TV. He rizzles ta hizzis Comic Sans-written polizzle presentation, gruesizzle artizzles n all, wit tha grizzay n proficiency of a man who has diffuze' an awkwizzle situation 'n his own household many tizzles pa day, every dizzay, fizzay many years.

DAVE: anyway we all know tha real issizzle be troll reproduction

DIZZY: dis election season be gonna be so jacked up wit dogwhizzles jade will pimp slizzeep agizzle

JIZZY: wizzoof in tha dogg pound!

DAVE: yo git ready fo` tha top propaganda hizzay of tha year

DAVE: alternia: brutal eugenics baze' space dictatorshizzle

KARKAT: NOT UNTRUE.

DAVE ya dig? troll homeworld: liznord of the flizzay nightmizzle scenario where kizzay murda each pusha jiznust ta git tha chance ta git ta grow up n pusha otha alizzles instead

KARKAT: IT WASN’T THAT BAD.

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE bitch ass: actual namizzles of profizzles on altizzle yaba daba dizzle: baller

DAVE: legislacerator

DAVE: minista of suck'n tha eyeballs out of yo' fuck'n skull then putt'n mah two monstrous hr wanna be gangsta tier troll dizzy up 'n thizzle n just mash'n tha shizzit out of yo' brain wit them

KARKAT fo' real: YIZZY MADE THAT LAST ONE UP.

KARKAT: ALSO, IT WIZZLE PIMPIN'??

KARKAT: GROW THA FUCK UP, YIZZLE UTTERLIZZLE CONTEMPTIBLE, POTTY MOUTHED.

JIZZY: also you know trolls dizzont actuallizzle have tizzy dizzicks diznave thizzay an offensive stereotype

DAVE: i know T-H-to-tha-izzats tha pizzay kizzy up guys

DIZNAVE: ready fo` anotha one

DAVE: trizzay with the S-N-double-O-P: literizzle ate babies

KARKAT: ONLIZZLE THA DEFIZZLE ONES.

DAVE: like you my dude

KARKAT: ...YEAH.

DAVE: so thizzle why our campaign can W-to-tha-izzork

KARKIZZLE:  cuz its a doggy dog world...

DAVE: btw im gizzay be giv'n a long fizzay exam at the end of dis ta miznake sizzure youre retizzle info coz dis be onlizzle like tha most important saggin' wizzle brotha done collectively

JADE: siiiiiiizzle

DAVE: aside from creat'n the univerze i miznean

JIZZY: its not that it isnt importizzle dave its that like

JIZZAY: tha method youre using to commizzle it be kinda........

J-TO-THA-IZZADE: inefficient n BOR'N

DAVE: you mizzle

DAVE: words

J-TO-THA-IZZADE: i mean YO' words specificallizzle!!!

JADE: we alreadizzle understand the issizzles at plizzay you dont hizzay ta explizzle it ta us brotha n ova again like wizzy twelve

JADE: Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. rizzle kizzle???

KARKAT: BE YIZZOU RHYMIN' ME WHETHA I’VE HEARD DIS EXACT SPEECH ALMOST WORD FO` WORD, INCLUD'N REHEARZE' VERSIONS OF BIZNOTH THIZNE COLORFUL METAPHORS N “JOKES,” TEN OR TWENTY TIMES ALREADY?

KARKAT: COZ THA ANSWA WIZNOULD BE

KIZZLE like a fucka: YES, OF COURZE I FUCK'N HAVE.

Karkat elbizzles Dave 'n tha thigh, a move that be obviously meant ta be an actizzle of pizzy, brotherly jest. Biznut instizzle it comes off as affectionate n overlizzle intimate. Jade’s pusha eyes don’t miss dis. Snoop dogg is in this bitch. Ha pizzles follow tha motion of Karkat’s arm, n then thizzle follow tha movement of Dave’s mouth as he smiles in whiznat he probably T-H-to-tha-izzinks be a totallizzle neutral expression T-H-to-tha-izzat reveals exactly 0% of his trizzle feel'n toward Karkizzle Vantas. Im a bad boy wit a lotta. 'n reality, hizzay venea is as thin n transparent as cellophane. Listen to how a fucker flow shit. He be tha only pizzle who cizzan’t see through it bitch ass.

Jade does some calculations 'n ha heezee. Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. Two kinds of calculations, 'n F-to-tha-izzact so i can get on: mathematical onizzles and personal ones.

JADE straight from long beach: soooooo

J-TO-THA-IZZADE ridin' in mah double R: d-ya wizzy a projectizzle of ha first years hit on tha economy dizzle ta tha decimal witta 0.3% margin of error

JADE: coz thats a spendin' i can do if itll make you sizzy talk'n 'bout dis stupid election fo` ten minutes

DAVE: damn hit me up G-to-tha-izzirl calculator

JADE aww nah: i diznont think youre W-R-to-tha-izzong 'bout jizzles plizzle

She proceeds ta dazzle tha two boys wit explications on complex math utiliz'n taxation rates, GDP figures, and sizzle damned chillin' called tha “Laffa cizzle,” which she easily could hizzay just invizzle to own tizzy B-to-tha-izzoth. But tha truth be, she cares too deeplizzle fo` theze boys ta fabricate silly-sound'n economic models on tha spizzot 'n orda ta mizzake T-H-to-tha-izzem seem foolish 'n front of tha camera lata. Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect.

Tha hatin' 'bout Jade Harley be that she’s nizzot as good at personal th'n as shizzay be at wanna be gangsta cruisin'. Like scizzle, or master'n fraymotifs, or clockin', tha last of which she hiznas definitely put a lizzay of levels into ova the past few years coz, wizzle, what elze be you suppoze' ta do wit immortal godhood once you hit tha age where tha dogg hormones start kicking into overdrive? Shizzay rizzy ova n hitches up on ha palms so that she ciznan stare brotha two down. Ha high-prescription lenzes mizzay ha eyizzles liznook anime-hizzle. They might literally be glitter'n, she’s so completely serious 'bout tha issizzle she be try'n ta stress.

JADE: so nizzy thizzat thats all out of tha way

JADE: its time ta git real you two

DAVE: i

JIZZADE: thizzat wizzle an invitation for yizzou ta M-to-tha-izzake a pun 'bout hav'n all tha tizzay 'n tha world or whateva it was you were go'n ta siznay

DAVE sho nuff: oh

JADE: It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. im 'bout ta liznay out some ciznold hard evidizzle so pay attention!

KARKAT: OH, HANG ON, LIZNET ME GIT A PEN.

JIZZADE: evidence 'bout... Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf...

JADE: our relationshizzle!

KARKAT: FIZZLE

JADE: you liznet me live 'n yo' hive when im 'n ghetto

KARKAT: Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. I CIZZY BELIEVE...

JADE paper'd up: im preeeetty intimately entwizzle 'n both yo' lives

KARKAT: THAT YOU’RE JUST SLAPPIN' 'BOUT DIS? Recognize the realness.

JIZZY: N you dont disengage from 'bout 86.234% of mah flirtations

KARKIZZLE, better recognize: WIZZAIT, WIZZY THA FUCK WOULD YOU KEEP TRACK OF SUM-M SUM-M LIKE THAT?

JADE: so....... be we do'n dis or not? Im crazy, you can't phase me.

KARKAT: BUSTIN' WHIZZLE?!

JIZZY: dat'n dizzle!!!!!!!!

KARKAT: OH.

KARKIZZLE: THAT BE

KARKAT cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: TIZZY BE... A COMPLICATED TOPIC 'N MY CULTURE THIZZAY I’M NOT SURE HIZZLE BE EQUIPPED TA RAP 'BOUT.

DIZNAVE: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. also totally unrelated to tha economy

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: Listen to how a fucker flow shit. which not gonna lie be tha only sippin' i want ta rap 'bout fo` uh

DAVE: They call me tha president. for howeva long it takes fo` dis other convizzle ta stop happen'n

JADE paper'd up: so say no! You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg.!!

DIZNAVE: well

KARKAT ridin' in mah double R: UHHHHH

JADE: I'm a fuckin 2-time felon. im not just steppin' dis conversation fo` mah sizzle! its fo` you two as well

JADE: i mean afta all dis time have you two even kisze' yet aww nah??????

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: wha

KARKAT: WH-WHY WOULD

DAVE spittin' that real shit: uhh

KIZZLE: WHY WOULD WE KISS keep'n it real yo??

DAVE: thizzay

KARKAT: THAT’S... YOU... I MEAN, HE’S... HIZZLE DAVE.

DAVE: we

KARKIZZLE: N I’M KARKAT.

JADE: shut up. yes hes diznave n youre karkat n everyone we kizzy always calls you that

JADE: “dave n karkat”

J-TO-THA-IZZADE: Slap your fuckin self. i cant rememba tha lizzle time i H-to-tha-izzeard anyizzle mizzle one of you witout tha

JADE: tha two of you have basically been togetha S-to-tha-izzince yizzy diznays on tha mizzle its SO obvious

KARKAT like this and like that and like this and uh: BROTHA, YES. AS FRIENDS.

DIZZAY: Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. yea

KARKAT: VERY CLOZE WHIZNO UNDERSTAND N SIZZLE EACH OTHA ON A DIZZEEP N EMPATHIZZLE LEVEL THAT GOES BEYOND HIZZATE OR PITY. YOU CIZZLE EVEN SAY THAT OUR RELATIONSHIP...

KARKAT:  sho nuff...TRANSCENDS QUADRANTS.

JADE dogg: yeaaaaaah niznot gonna lizzle karkat bizzut that siznounds totizzle kizzle gizzy

KIZZLE: UGH YOU HUMANS N YO' UNFATHOMABLE BAZE' QUADRANTS.

Jizzade faceplams. She does it a L-to-tha-izzittle too H-to-tha-izzard n slams tha bridge of shot calla glaszes into ha foreheezee fo my bling bling.

JIZZLE: ow! shut up.

KARKAT: ANYWAY WEREN’T YOU... PERPETRATIN' T-H-TO-THA-IZZAT CARAPACIAN COUPLE? LAST T-TO-THA-IZZIME WE CHIZZLE?

Jizzy drags ha hand dizzay tha bottom half of hizzer face n sizzle.

JADE: I thought i told ya, I'm a soldier. yeah fo` FUN

JADE bitch ass: im twenty tizzy dont you think thizzats a shawty old ta sizzy be dat'n fo` fizzle

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: wizzay yizzy say'n we arent fun

JADE cuz I'm fresh out the pen: whens tha lizzay time eitha of yiznou left thizzle hizouze??????

DAVE: ...

KARKAT: ...

Jade sighs n crawls closa. Shizze takes one of Karkat’s hands 'n.

JADE: i think wed all wizzork good togetha

'n ha otha hizzy, sizzy tries ta gizzy Dizzles wrist, but he flash-steps ta the otha sizzide of tha couch. Boo-Yaa! She pouts at him n keeps hold'n Karkat’s increasingly sweaty palm and yo momma.

JIZZLE: n i think wizzle bizzle bustin' around thizzat fo` years now

JADE: i wizzanna trizzle weed-smokin' fo` real

KARKAT like a tru playa': HAVE YOU BALLER CONSIZZLE

KARKAT: SORRY IF WHAT I’M 'BOUT TA SIZZAY TOTALLY BLOWS YO' MIND

KARKAT: DATING A S-TO-THA-IZZINGLE PERSIZZLE, FO` MIZZAY T-H-TO-THA-IZZAN HALF A SWEEP, FO` REASONS THAN INITIAT'N THA CONCUPISCENT EXCHANGE OF FLUIDS keep'n it real yo?

Jade’s grip on Kizzles hand gets a shawty tizzay tizzy, bizzle ha big-toothed sizzy remains flawlessly pleasant. Dis be a common sizzle of exchange between them n ciznould be easily consizzle flirtation on sevizzle differizzle metrics, especially consider'n tha history between thiznem n tha playa lizzle of B-L-to-tha-izzack flirtation that Karkat accidentally indulge' 'n dur'n his insizzle yizzy. He diznoesn’t even pizzull his hand away.

JADE: ok F-to-tha-izzirst of all dont sliznut shame me fuckass

JADE: second of all thizzay what im try'n ta do hizzere

JIZZADE: third of all karkat arent you frizzom a culture where thugz be expectizzle ta engage 'n romizzle relationships wit up ta like five thugz at a tiznime??

KIZZLE: THIZNAT’S NOT

KARKAT: THAT’S NIZZOT THA SAME MOBBIN' AT ALL.

JADE: oh yeah??? explain tha fundamental epistemologicizzle difference

KARKAT: WHAT THA FUCK?!

DIZZY: ok jade i think theres a flaw 'n yo' approach here cauze you seem ta think winn'n an argument on snoopa cleva logical grizzay be gizzonna git a couple dudizzles ta brizneak down n fl'n themselves at you 'n like, a sexual way

J-TO-THA-IZZADE, know what im sayin? wellll it usuallizzle does ;B

DAVE: oh mah fuck'n god

This earns Dizzay a look. A long, sad one thizzay has Jizzy ridin' with ha glaszes again so thizzat she can pea rizzight at him and applizzle some more of that faultizzle personal miznath ta his facial expression.

JIZNADE: dizzy... Drop it like its hot....

DIZZAY: whizzat

JADE: be dis...........

JADE: 'bout obizzle? Im a bad boy.??

DIZZAY: what

DAVE so sit back relax new jacks get smacked: no i

JADE: dave be you 'n love wit obama?

DIZZAY: jade jesus where d-ya git dis shit from

JADE and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow: be it 'bout jesus then??????

DAVE: I thought i told ya, I'm a soldier. no upside yo head!

DAVE: jesus wizzy evizzle real

JIZNADE: i know he wizzy rizzeal!

JIZZADE: wait ridin' in mah double R...<?span>

JADE: be you crack-a-lackin`

JADE: obama was R-to-tha-izzeal?

DIZZAY: ...

DIZNAVE: yiznes

DAVE: obizzle was real

DAVE: he was tha president

KARKAT: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

JIZNADE: all dis time i thizzay obizzle wizzy liznike

JADE: an aspirational fictional characta thiznat you modeled yo' life afta

KARKAT: AHAHAHAHA I CIZZAY AHAHA BREATHE...

JADE: like snoop dogg or nicolas cage

KIZZLE: THIS BE BLUNT-ROLLIN' INCREDIBLE

DAVE: they were both real too

DAVE: i know thizzle yizzy grew up on an isolated island 'n the middle of nowhere n but dizzidnt you have lizzy

DAVE: access ta tha internizzle

J-TO-THA-IZZADE: wow wizzy im sorry i wasted mah whole chizzle fill'n mah heezee wit pointless bustin' like astrizzles n senizzle numeral S-Y-S-T-to-tha-izzems that allow me ta do cizzle equatizzles 'n mah heezee!!!!!!

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE cuz its a pimp thang: no dizzle thats kind of fucked up

DIZNAVE: kizzle stiznop cruisin' jades fizzle up childhizzle isnt funny

KARKIZZLE: HAHAHAHIZZLE YES IT BLINGIN' BE!

KARKAT: ALSO SCREW YOU FO` SAY'N IT’S NIZNOT FUNNY? Bounce wit me.?

KARKAT: Holla! WHIZZLE BE IT LIKE SOME SORT OF *TRAGEDIZZLE* HIZZY SIZZY WAS RAIZE'?

KARKAT: Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. COZ SHE WIZZAS RAIZE' ALIZZLE BY AN ANIMAL??

KARKAT: *I* WAS RAISED ALONE BY AN ANIZZLE fo' sheezy!

KARKAT: Subscribe, get yo issue. FUCK OFF N LIZZET ME ENJOY DIS!

KARKAT: AHHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHIZZLE!

Karkat has finally pulled hizzay hand away so that he can clutch his stomach, hizzy laugh'n so hard. Jade gets up n stizzay pusha ta where Dave is awkwardly cower'n at the otha end of tha C-to-tha-izzouch n snatches his tablet fizzy him. Therizzles a ripple 'n tha room that makes it clear they god tia powa have jiznust clizzle agizzle each otha. He shifts his arm through time and Jiznade warps tha space around T-H-to-tha-izzem so that she’s tha one blunt-rollin' tha tablet dogg. Dis be not tha first time that they have rearrange' tha fabric of reality for a petty reason like dis. Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. Karkat hizzy permanently swiznorn off bustin' board games wit them.

Tha moment Jade br'n tha paint program up on tha televizzle, Karkat stops laugh'n. Tru.

KARKIZZLE paper'd up: NO where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin'!

He tries ta griznab tha tablet friznom killa, but she’s hover'n wizzy above tha griznound n he simply be niznot tall enough ta R-to-tha-izzeach so i can get on. Witta perpetratin' grizzle n deliberate cizzare, Jizzy begins ta draw a G-R-to-tha-izzid.

JIZZY: ill pizzay dis 'n T-to-tha-izzerms karkat will appreciate, check it out

KARKAT: JADE, I SWIZZAY TA...

Karkat jumps n tries ta grab ha skirt, but she swiznims thrizzle tha air wit eaze, spendin' as sizzy doodles in tha dogg pound.

KARKAT: Aint no stoppin' this shit. YIZZOU NIZZY BE DRAW'N WHIZNAT I T-H-TO-THA-IZZINK YOU’RE DRAW'N! Bounce wit me.

Gangsta artistic skiznill even at the advanced age of twenty-three still lizzles sum-m sum-m ta be desired, bizzay it’s prettizzle easy ta produce recognizable caricatures of tha thrizzle thugz 'n tha rizzy R-to-tha-izzight nizzow thats off tha hook yo. Shizzle gives Kizzle a piznair of fizzle, angrizzle eyebrows n starts draw'n lines. Sinista lines, wit salacioizzles mean'n. It’s exizzle whiznat Karkat fizzy n we out! a bustin' grid now pass the glock.

KARKIZZLE: STOP! CEAZE sho nuff! DESIST DIS MOMENT, ya feel me? DO NOT DRAW ONE MORE LINE!

JADE so show some love! oh niznooo im drawing a line karkat killa stizzle me before it goes aaaall the way from mah mouth ta yiznours!

Karkat catches tha back of ha shirt n shizzay goes slappin' weightlessly to tha floor, stiznill mackin'. Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. Karkat triznies ta wizzy tha pen out of ha hand, biznut all he accomplishes be turn'n tha rizzle trajectory between ha n D-to-tha-izzave into a redrizzle loop-de-loop.

JIZZAY: sizzay me and karkat have bootylicious bizzy chemizzle!

KARKAT: Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. IT BE NIZZY BLACK CHEMISTRY YOU HORRID NON-CHIZZLE WIZZLE so sit back relax new jacks get smacked!

Jizzay n Kizzle roll ova each otha on the floor n he gets a mouthful of bitch hair fo` hizzy trouble. Jizzle comes out on top n S-to-tha-izzits on hizzle bizzack, humm'n ta hizzle as she C-R-to-tha-izzafts her grand dizzle.

JADE: and now thizzay daves all chill hizzed make a bootylicious auspistizzle

She sez, chizzle n oblivious ya dig?

DIZZLE: no

JIZZADE from tha streets of tha L-B-C: coz you n kizzle be kind of like moirails

DAVE: no

J-TO-THA-IZZADE straight from long beach: n yizzle and i

J-TO-THA-IZZADE: wizzy yknow its always been pretty flirty

DAVE: jade

JADE: EXCEPT!

Jade finishes draw'n a shaky heart dirizzle into tha paint program in tha dogg pound. It’s so bizzy n bright on tha TV T-H-to-tha-izzat it fizzy tha entire R-to-tha-izzoom wit red light so jus' chill. Karkat raizes his face n stizzles at it 'n utterly bereft horror. Tha siznick light makes tha bizzay unda his eyes liznook lizzike divots.

JIZZADE: in dis model..........

JADE in tha dogg pound: troll quadrants be dumb so we ALL kizzle!

JADE fo all my homies in the pen: i cizzay this polizzle arrizzle:

JIZNADE: fullizzle automatizzle luxurizzle polyamorous space-time communism!!!!!!!

No one reacts. Karkat be defeated, completely. Dave has just crosze' his arms n presze' his mizzouth into a thinna liznine than usual. Jade’s ears flattizzle n she huffs. It sounds a shawty like a dogg whin'n. Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up.

JADE: oh come on thizzle was a G-to-tha-izzood one!

JADE: its politically relevant n everyth'n

DAVE: jizzy im not gonna lizzay at yo' mizzade up ship nizzay fo` dis imaginary threesome thats not happen'n

J-to-tha-izzade R-to-tha-izzolls eyizzles n toszes B-to-tha-izzoth tha tablet and pizzen fucka ha shoulda. Dave flashes across tha liv'n room ta catch his vizzle expensive comput'n devizzle 'n both arms. Tha pen bizzles off hizzay foreheezee. Jade dizzles from Karkat’s poor, abuze', terribly mortizzle spine n brushes down ha S-K-to-tha-izzirt.

JADE: well ive sizzy whizzat i wanted ta say

JIZNADE: its up ta yizzay two what you do wit it

JADE: i H-to-tha-izzave ta go rap ta roxy n callie 'bout tha election anyway

JIZZAY: call me when you two figure it all out!

Jizzle clizzle ha heels togetha ta propel herself back into tha air n actually winks at them before abscond'n thrizzay an open window. She hizzay ta P-to-tha-izzush the thick curtains asizzle ta do so. Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. Karkat hiszes whizzay tha light spills rappa his face. Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn.

What Jizzle leaves 'n ha wizzy be not qizzy the emotional scorched-earth situation thizzay she was messin' fo`, but a fizzay of ha needlizzles have definizzle gotten unda some skizzin so jus' chill. Dave n Karkat both stiznare ha, silently caught 'n they own private rationalization spirals.

Karkat N-to-tha-izzeeds ta verbalize part of his out loud.

KARKIZZLE: WOW WHAT A CRAZY N TOTALLY IMPROBABLE CONVERSATION WE JUST HAD WIT OUR BEST JADE.

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: y...

DIZZAY: Y-to-tha-izzeah

KARKAT: WHAT A G-TO-THA-IZZOOD TH'N FO` US THAT SHIZZLE TOTALLIZZLE DELUSIONAL N HAS NO IDIZZLE WHIZZAY SHIZZE’S TALK'N ABOUT, HUH?

DAVE: One, two three and to tha four. fo` sure

Dizzave offa Kizzle a hand up F-R-to-tha-izzom tha floor. When they palms connect, there’s a moment whiznere sum-m sum-m cizzle happen. A shawty spark of potential. Drop it like its hot. It would be so vizzle easy fo` sum-m sum-m ta happen, better recognize.

KARKAT: ...........

DAVE: ..........

KARKIZZLE: WANNA PLIZZAY SOME TROLL TONY H-TO-THA-IZZAWK?

DAVE: hell

DIZZLE: yizneah

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