#SHE'S GONNA MISS HER KIDS' APPRENTICE CEREMONY

[wyrm-clangen]

I'm starting to think we're cursed, tbh.

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[clangenrising]

Month 14 - Newleaf

“It’s almost time,” Fogkit muttered to herself. She enjoyed muttering, especially if there was no one there to listen. It made her feel like she was five steps ahead. And today, she was. She had spent all week making spells out of prey scraps and mud and moth wings and such in preparation for today. 

Last night, Goldenstar had told her and Slatekit that they would be apprenticed at dawn. She had risen early to groom her fur and scatter feathers around the camp for good luck. Now she sat hunched in the dark, hidden in the grass near the nursery, waiting for dawn. The sky was starting to turn a soft, pretty pink.

A few cats were up and about, likely waiting just like she was. She watched as Floodpaw slank out of the apprentices’ den and arched his back in a long, lanky curve, and she brightened. She bolted for him and slipped underneath him to poke her head out between his forelegs so she could look up at him. 

He jumped and said, “Yikes, kid! What are you doing up so early?”

“Um, I’m gonna be apprenticed,” Fogkit rolled her eyes. “Duh!” He rolled his eyes in return and sat down on top of her. She squealed in delight and thrashed wildly. 

“Huh,” he said, “where did Fogkit go?” 

“I’m here!” she screamed, kicking with all her might. He winced but stayed where he was. 

“Fogkit?” he called. “Oh, Fogkit! Man, that’s a shame. She’s gonna miss her ceremony.”

“No!” she giggled. “No, I can’t!” She rolled onto her back as best she could and kicked hard with both legs. Floodpaw gave a grunt of pain and tumbled off of her immediately. She laughed and sprang on him where he lay curled in a pained ball. 

“Take that!” she declared, swiping at his ears. 

The apprentice simply wheezed, “Good kick…” 

Fogkit laughed and sat down to smooth out her fur again. Floodpaw was so much fun. Sparrowpaw and Barleypaw poked their heads out of the den and Fogkit waved her tail at them with a chipper smile. 

“Everything alright out here?” Sparrowpaw asked, raising a brow. 

“Yep!” she purred. 

“Mhm,” groaned Floodpaw. 

Barleypaw laughed and sat down next to her brother to purr against his side. “She must have got you pretty good.”

“Only ‘cause he sat on me,” Fogkit said. 

“Oh, then I guess he deserved it,” Sparrowpaw smirked. 

“Go hug a badger,” grumbled Floodpaw, finally managing to uncurl his body. 

“Fogkit!” Slatekit’s voice squeaked from across the camp. Fogkit turned to smile at her sister and waved her over. Slatekit hesitated but crossed the distance to huddle beside her. 

“Hey!” Fogkit said, “You excited?”

“Mm,” Slatekit whimpered in lieu of an answer. 

“You’ll do great,” Barleypaw said. “I was super nervous at my ceremony too but it’s really not that scary.” Slatekit whimpered again.

“It’s okay,” Fogkit said confidently. “I’ve been doing spells all week to make sure we get the best mentors.” 

“Spells?” Sparrowpaw blinked in surprise. 

“Yeah!” Fogkit brightened. “Mystique told us all about how wild cats do magic spells to help their friends and curse their enemies. She didn’t know how to do them but I figured it out, I think.” 

“Is that so?” Barleypaw seemed apprehensive. Floodpaw laughed. 

Slatekit nodded. “Yeah, she said that wild cats are magic. We’re wild cats, right?” 

“That is what the city calls Clan cats, yes,” said Sparrowpaw, “but-” 

“Yeah!” Fogkit said, eager to share with them. “Magic is easy, you just have to get the right stuff and then think really hard about what you want to happen and sometimes put the stuff in a special place or something! I can show you guys sometime.” 

“I’m good,” snorted Floodpaw.

“Maybe…” Barleypaw laughed awkwardly. “We’ve got to train for our final assessments though.” 

“Oh, yeah,” Fogkit frowned. “You’re not gonna be in the apprentice den with us for very long…”

“Yeah,” said Sparrowpaw, “but you’ll be warriors before you know it. Time flies like that.” 

Goldenstar’s voice rang out through the camp. “Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey gather beneath the Stoneperch for a Clan meeting!”

“It’s happening!” squealed Fogkit, bouncing on her toes. Slatekit whined nervously. 

“Come on, lets go sit closer,” Barleypaw said, wrapping her tail over Slatekit’s shoulders. The group of them moved in to join the other cats who trickled out of their dens and settled in a semicircle around the Stoneperch. Goldenstar sat atop the stone, her fur glowing under the creeping light of dawn. Fogkit kneaded the ground in anticipation. 

“Today,” Goldenstar began, “we name two apprentices who have been waiting eagerly for this moment. Fogkit, Slatekit, you have reached the age of six moons and that means it’s time for you to start your training towards becoming warriors. From this day on, until you receive your warrior names, you will be known as Fogpaw and Slatepaw.” Everyone cheered, chorusing their new names. Slatepaw blushed and tried to stand up tall. Fogpaw didn’t stop looking at Goldenstar. She wasn’t going to be satisfied until she heard who her mentor would be. 

“Slatepaw,” said Goldenstar, “for your mentor, I have chosen someone who has proven himself to be a kind and gentle mentor in the past. I entrust your training to Pantherhaze and hope that you will be able to rely on him when times are tough.” 

Pantherhaze stepped out of the crowd, smiling softly. Slatepaw swallowed and stepped up to meet him. Fogpaw could see her trembling as they touched noses. He whispered something to her and she nodded. Fogpaw was happy with the pair. It seemed her spell had paid off. 

“Fogpaw,” Goldenstar’s voice brought her back to attention. “Your mentor will be Scorchplume.” Fogpaw’s jaw fell open in surprise. She hadn’t realized that was an option. “Scorchplume, while this is your first apprentice, I am confident you will be able to teach Fogpaw how to excel at any pursuit she puts her mind to.” 

Scorchplume swished her big, ginger tail up over her back and strode into the circle to meet Fogpaw. Fogpaw was frozen for a moment, unsure. Was this really what her magic had decided was the best mentor for her? 

She glanced around at the other cats, the ones without apprentices. Branchbark, Aldertail, and Ospreymask all sat together near the edge. Ospreymask looked especially disappointed. Fogpaw realized that she wouldn’t want any of them to be her teacher. She looked back at Scorchplume who had raised her brows expectantly and tried to see through her expression to her aura. Scorchplume was bold and sharp and pretty. She was the only cat to have gone to the city and come back safely. Yes, Fogpaw decided, this was the perfect mentor for her. 

Grinning, Fogpaw stepped up and presented her nose for Scorchplume to touch with her own. The warrior gave an amused humm and did so. The touch sent an electric shock through Fogpaw’s nose and she recoiled to rub at it with her paw. Scorchplume wrinkled her nose at the sensation. That had to mean something, right? 

“We’re tied now,” she mumbled to Scorchplume, “you and me.” 

“Really, now?” Scorch whispered back. 

“With that, our meeting is concluded,” Goldenstar said. “Congratulations, Fogpaw and Slatepaw!” Another round of cheering went up for the both of them. Fogpaw looked around the circle and felt tears swelling within her. All of their will, all of their passion, was behind her now, driving her forward. She could almost feel StarClan’s presence on her back. I promise, Mama, she vowed, imagining spellwork being woven into every word, I’m going to become the best warrior there is. I’ll make you proud.

UPDATES: - Fogkit and Slatekit are made apprentices. Fogpaw is apprenticed to Scorchplume! Slatepaw is apprenticed to Pantherhaze!

[fanficshiddles]

Trust, Chapter 26

Not long after Loki had left, Darcy saw Jane dragging a large suitcase down the corridor towards the front door.

‘Jane? Where are you going?’ She asked, confused.

‘I’m leaving!’

‘Well, clearly. But why? And where?’ Darcy folded her arms over her chest.

‘Thor dumped me. Alright?’ Jane snapped.

Darcy’s eyebrows went flying up. ‘Oh… Sorry to hear that.’

‘No, you’re not!’ Jane snapped at her again.

‘Hey, I don’t know what the hell your problem has been with me for this last year. But don’t take it out on me, I’ve done nothing wrong to you. It’s not my fault if Thor has dumped you.’ Darcy said firmly.

Jane sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. ‘It is your fault he’s dumped me. He said he was jealous of what you and Loki have. That we aren’t as fun as you two are. You aren’t even a couple! It’s ridiculous!’ Jane screeched.

Darcy was surprised to hear that.

‘I… wow. Well, again, not my fault that I’m such an ace friend.’

‘Piss off, Darcy.’ Jane said, having had enough she continued on.

‘Fine, be like that!’ Darcy shook her head and headed off.

But then she realised, would The Avengers still want her here if Jane wasn’t working here anymore? She was technically still her apprentice.

She came across Tony and Natasha in the lab.

‘Do you guys know that Jane has just stormed out with her suitcase?’ She asked them, pointing over her shoulder.

‘Yep.’ Natasha nodded. ‘We witnessed the whole thing before Thor left, unfortunately. Thor telling her it was over, it was… brutal.’

‘Wow… Okayyy…’ Darcy didn’t know where to go from there.

‘You’re not gonna leave us too though, are you kid?’ Tony asked, looking worried.

‘No! No… I mean, not unless you want me to go?’ Darcy asked.

‘Hell no! You’re too much fun having around.’ Tony went over and ruffled her hair, she whacked his arm and laughed.

‘Well, as long as you’re not chucking me out, I’m staying.’ She smiled.

‘Blake is welcome to stay, too. I know he doesn’t live here, but he’s smart. I wouldn’t mind taking him on as my apprentice if he wants.’ Tony offered.

‘Oh, cool. I’ll see what he says, I’m sure he would love it.’ Darcy smiled.

She then went to find Blake, he was in the library getting some books for research. Darcy told him that Jane wasn’t here anymore, so he didn’t need to get the books now. She then told him about Tony’s offer and he was so excited about it.

‘So, is Loki gone?’ Blake asked as he went with Darcy back to her room. They decided to have a movie day.

‘Yeah, he’s off to get married.’ Darcy said, trying to keep happy.

But she felt a horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach that she couldn’t get rid of.

-

‘You used to hang out with Loki a lot.’ Blake commented later in the day, when he and Darcy finished their second film.

‘So?’ She looked at him.

‘Well… It’s a bit weird, isn’t it?’ Blake asked.

‘No… How is it weird? People hang out with their friends all the time.’ She frowned.

‘I know. But, is he just your friend?’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ Darcy sat up straight and glared at him. ‘He’s my best friend.’

Blake’s eyes widened a little. ‘I just mean… You seem to spend a hell of a lot of time with him. And you’re always laughing with him, way more than with me. You seem most comfortable around him.’

‘Are you jealous of my friendship with Loki?’ Darcy stood up and put her hands on her hips. ‘I’ve known Loki a lot longer than you, and been through a lot with him. He’s literally saved my life. He’s not a bad person like people think. And the one time I slept with him was a one-night stand when you weren’t even in existence in my life!’

‘You’ve slept with him?’ Blake asked, shocked.

Darcy frowned. ‘I’m surprised the others didn’t tell you already. It’s no big deal, I wouldn’t do that now I’m with someone. We were both single, feeling good after a party with alcohol, both horny.’ She shrugged. ‘It’s not exactly a big secret, everyone else knows.’

Blake ran his hand down his face and sat forward on the bed.

‘Where has all this come from? You know I like you, Blake.’ Darcy sat down again.

‘Do you love me?’ He asked, turning to face her.

‘Wh… what?’

‘Do you love me?’

Darcy sighed. ‘It’s too soon, Blake. You know I don’t bond easily, I’ve told you this. I really like you, and could I see myself with you in the future? Yes. Do I love you right now? Not in the way you want, not yet. It takes time.’ She tried to be as sincere as possible, she knew Blake loved her quite early on in their relationship.

‘Do you love Loki?’ Blake asked and looked directly at her.

She frowned. ‘Well… I…’

‘It’s a simple question, Darcy. Do you love Loki?’

‘Of course I do, but not romantically. He’s been in my life a long time, I trust him with my life. As I said, he’s my best friend.’

‘Why do you not love him romantically?’ Blake asked.

She paused for a minute, thinking. Why didn’t she? Or… did she? Was that what all these feelings were lately, coming to a head?

‘Because… I’m with you, and Loki is getting married, probably right now as we speak.’

‘But if you weren’t with me, and he wasn’t getting married… Would you be romantically involved with him right now?’ Blake asked seriously.

‘No… why are you being like this? You’ve never said you’ve had an issue with him before?’

‘Because you’ve been so distracted today. I know you’re thinking about him getting married.’ Blake sighed.

‘Yeah, cause he’s my best friend and I’m not able to be there.’ Darcy shrugged.

‘Stop with the crap, Darcy. You’re just lying to yourself now, not just me. Go and stop him. I’m sure it’s not too late.’ Blake smiled softly and put his hand on her shoulder. He knew he would never have her true love.

‘Wh… What? I’m… I’m with you, Blake.’ Darcy’s eyes widened.

‘You’re not a bad person, Darcy. But your heart belongs to Loki, not me. You just need to admit it to each other, before you both get in too deep with someone else.’

Darcy felt her heart pounding against her chest as the realisation washed over her.

She didn’t love Blake. She never would, when all she wanted was what she had with Loki. Whether that love was romantically? She wasn’t entirely sure, but she knew that she didn’t want to live without him. She loved him, as a friend. Maybe more…

-

Darcy ran as fast as she could through the compound. Natasha and Clint tried to stop her, but she just barged past them without stopping. ‘Can’t stop! Need to stop the wedding!’ She yelled as she kept running.

By the time she got outside onto the green, she was exhausted. She was not a runner.

‘Come on, think think think. What’s his name?’ She muttered as she looked up to the sky. ‘Himding? No… Himdill? Agh fuck!’ She hit her forehead a few times, trying to think. Then she suddenly remembered.

‘HEIMDALL!’ She shouted up to the sky.

Suddenly the bifrost opened up over her and she was whisked through space to Asgard.

She quickly stumbled into the observatory and looked up at Heimdall.

‘That is not as smooth alone… Thanks for getting me here! I wasn’t sure if it would work without Loki or Thor.’ She said sheepishly.

‘The Allmother told me to keep an eye on you.’ Heimdall smiled slightly.

Darcy’s eyes widened. ‘I… I don’t know where I need to go now.’

‘There is a horse waiting for you.’ Heimdall tipped his head slightly to the side.

Darcy rushed outside and there was indeed a horse waiting.

After many attempts to get on, one of the attempts included her falling straight off the other side. But eventually she managed to scramble on and get the horse moving into a trot. She bounced around all over the place but managed to remain on until she got to the palace.

There was a guard outside, Birger. He rushed over and took hold of the horse’s reins, holding him steady as she slid down.

‘Miss Lewis. Nice to see you again.’ He said politely with a nod.

‘Oh, hi Birger. I’m sorry, I need to find Loki! To get to the wedding. Am I too late?’ She said in a rush as she blew at her hair to get it out of her face.

‘The wedding? It’s too late... They already left for Vanaheim, where it’s being held. The ceremony will likely be over, onto the celebrations now.’ His face dropped when he saw how sad Darcy looked.

‘Oh… I’m too late.’ She looked down and then behind her. ‘Well, I suppose I better go home again then.’

‘I’m sorry, Miss Lewis.’ He said sadly. ‘I will guide you back to the Bifrost.’ He offered.

‘It’s ok. I will just walk, I don’t think my butt could take anymore riding.’ She joked, smiling, but it wasn’t her usual smile that reached her eyes. ‘Thanks, Birger. Maybe see you again soon.’

‘Take care, Miss Lewis.’ Birger nodded to her again.

Darcy slowly made her way back to the observatory. She was half regretting not riding back, it had been quite a trek.

‘Can you uh, get me back home?’ Darcy asked Heimdall.

He nodded once. ‘If that’s what you wish.’

‘Yeah. I was too late. As always, Darcy Lewis is never on time!’ She said as she flailed her arms up. ‘Tell Loki congratulations when he gets back.’

Heimdall said nothing as he unlocked the Bifrost and sent Darcy back home to Earth.

[imagine-loki]

Trust, Chapter 26

TITLE: Trust CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 26 AUTHOR: fanficshiddles ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki kidnaps Darcy Lewis, in hopes of getting the tesseract in return for her. Imagine his surprise when he grows rather fond of the mortal, finding that she understands him better than anyone else ever has.  RATING: M

Not long after Loki had left, Darcy saw Jane dragging a large suitcase down the corridor towards the front door.

‘Jane? Where are you going?’ She asked, confused.

‘I’m leaving!’

‘Well, clearly. But why? And where?’ Darcy folded her arms over her chest.

‘Thor dumped me. Alright?’ Jane snapped.

Darcy’s eyebrows went flying up. ‘Oh… Sorry to hear that.’

‘No, you’re not!’ Jane snapped at her again.

‘Hey, I don’t know what the hell your problem has been with me for this last year. But don’t take it out on me, I’ve done nothing wrong to you. It’s not my fault if Thor has dumped you.’ Darcy said firmly.

Jane sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. ‘It is your fault he’s dumped me. He said he was jealous of what you and Loki have. That we aren’t as fun as you two are. You aren’t even a couple! It’s ridiculous!’ Jane screeched.

Darcy was surprised to hear that.

‘I… wow. Well, again, not my fault that I’m such an ace friend.’

‘Piss off, Darcy.’ Jane said, having had enough she continued on.

‘Fine, be like that!’ Darcy shook her head and headed off.

But then she realised, would The Avengers still want her here if Jane wasn’t working here anymore? She was technically still her apprentice.

She came across Tony and Natasha in the lab.

‘Do you guys know that Jane has just stormed out with her suitcase?’ She asked them, pointing over her shoulder.

‘Yep.’ Natasha nodded. ‘We witnessed the whole thing before Thor left, unfortunately. Thor telling her it was over, it was… brutal.’

‘Wow… Okayyy…’ Darcy didn’t know where to go from there.

‘You’re not gonna leave us too though, are you kid?’ Tony asked, looking worried.

‘No! No… I mean, not unless you want me to go?’ Darcy asked.

‘Hell no! You’re too much fun having around.’ Tony went over and ruffled her hair, she whacked his arm and laughed.

‘Well, as long as you’re not chucking me out, I’m staying.’ She smiled.

‘Blake is welcome to stay, too. I know he doesn’t live here, but he’s smart. I wouldn’t mind taking him on as my apprentice if he wants.’ Tony offered.

‘Oh, cool. I’ll see what he says, I’m sure he would love it.’ Darcy smiled.

She then went to find Blake, he was in the library getting some books for research. Darcy told him that Jane wasn’t here anymore, so he didn’t need to get the books now. She then told him about Tony’s offer and he was so excited about it.

‘So, is Loki gone?’ Blake asked as he went with Darcy back to her room. They decided to have a movie day.

‘Yeah, he’s off to get married.’ Darcy said, trying to keep happy.

But she felt a horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach that she couldn’t get rid of.

-

‘You used to hang out with Loki a lot.’ Blake commented later in the day, when he and Darcy finished their second film.

‘So?’ She looked at him.

‘Well… It’s a bit weird, isn’t it?’ Blake asked.

‘No… How is it weird? People hang out with their friends all the time.’ She frowned.

‘I know. But, is he just your friend?’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ Darcy sat up straight and glared at him. ‘He’s my best friend.’

Blake’s eyes widened a little. ‘I just mean… You seem to spend a hell of a lot of time with him. And you’re always laughing with him, way more than with me. You seem most comfortable around him.’

‘Are you jealous of my friendship with Loki?’ Darcy stood up and put her hands on her hips. ‘I’ve known Loki a lot longer than you, and been through a lot with him. He’s literally saved my life. He’s not a bad person like people think. And the one time I slept with him was a one-night stand when you weren’t even in existence in my life!’

‘You’ve slept with him?’ Blake asked, shocked.

Darcy frowned. ‘I’m surprised the others didn’t tell you already. It’s no big deal, I wouldn’t do that now I’m with someone. We were both single, feeling good after a party with alcohol, both horny.’ She shrugged. ‘It’s not exactly a big secret, everyone else knows.’

Blake ran his hand down his face and sat forward on the bed.

‘Where has all this come from? You know I like you, Blake.’ Darcy sat down again.

‘Do you love me?’ He asked, turning to face her.

‘Wh… what?’

‘Do you love me?’

Darcy sighed. ‘It’s too soon, Blake. You know I don’t bond easily, I’ve told you this. I really like you, and could I see myself with you in the future? Yes. Do I love you right now? Not in the way you want, not yet. It takes time.’ She tried to be as sincere as possible, she knew Blake loved her quite early on in their relationship.

‘Do you love Loki?’ Blake asked and looked directly at her.

She frowned. ‘Well… I…’

‘It’s a simple question, Darcy. Do you love Loki?’

‘Of course I do, but not romantically. He’s been in my life a long time, I trust him with my life. As I said, he’s my best friend.’

‘Why do you not love him romantically?’ Blake asked.

She paused for a minute, thinking. Why didn’t she? Or… did she? Was that what all these feelings were lately, coming to a head?

‘Because… I’m with you, and Loki is getting married, probably right now as we speak.’

‘But if you weren’t with me, and he wasn’t getting married… Would you be romantically involved with him right now?’ Blake asked seriously.

‘No… why are you being like this? You’ve never said you’ve had an issue with him before?’

‘Because you’ve been so distracted today. I know you’re thinking about him getting married.’ Blake sighed.

‘Yeah, cause he’s my best friend and I’m not able to be there.’ Darcy shrugged.

‘Stop with the crap, Darcy. You’re just lying to yourself now, not just me. Go and stop him. I’m sure it’s not too late.’ Blake smiled softly and put his hand on her shoulder. He knew he would never have her true love.

‘Wh… What? I’m… I’m with you, Blake.’ Darcy’s eyes widened.

‘You’re not a bad person, Darcy. But your heart belongs to Loki, not me. You just need to admit it to each other, before you both get in too deep with someone else.’

Darcy felt her heart pounding against her chest as the realisation washed over her.

She didn’t love Blake. She never would, when all she wanted was what she had with Loki. Whether that love was romantically? She wasn’t entirely sure, but she knew that she didn’t want to live without him. She loved him, as a friend. Maybe more…

-

Darcy ran as fast as she could through the compound. Natasha and Clint tried to stop her, but she just barged past them without stopping. ‘Can’t stop! Need to stop the wedding!’ She yelled as she kept running.

By the time she got outside onto the green, she was exhausted. She was not a runner.

‘Come on, think think think. What’s his name?’ She muttered as she looked up to the sky. ‘Himding? No… Himdill? Agh fuck!’ She hit her forehead a few times, trying to think. Then she suddenly remembered.

‘HEIMDALL!’ She shouted up to the sky.

Suddenly the bifrost opened up over her and she was whisked through space to Asgard.

She quickly stumbled into the observatory and looked up at Heimdall.

‘That is not as smooth alone… Thanks for getting me here! I wasn’t sure if it would work without Loki or Thor.’ She said sheepishly.

‘The Allmother told me to keep an eye on you.’ Heimdall smiled slightly.

Darcy’s eyes widened. ‘I… I don’t know where I need to go now.’

‘There is a horse waiting for you.’ Heimdall tipped his head slightly to the side.

Darcy rushed outside and there was indeed a horse waiting.

After many attempts to get on, one of the attempts included her falling straight off the other side. But eventually she managed to scramble on and get the horse moving into a trot. She bounced around all over the place but managed to remain on until she got to the palace.

There was a guard outside, Birger. He rushed over and took hold of the horse’s reins, holding him steady as she slid down.

‘Miss Lewis. Nice to see you again.’ He said politely with a nod.

‘Oh, hi Birger. I’m sorry, I need to find Loki! To get to the wedding. Am I too late?’ She said in a rush as she blew at her hair to get it out of her face.

‘The wedding? It’s too late… They already left for Vanaheim, where it’s being held. The ceremony will likely be over, onto the celebrations now.’ His face dropped when he saw how sad Darcy looked.

‘Oh… I’m too late.’ She looked down and then behind her. ‘Well, I suppose I better go home again then.’

‘I’m sorry, Miss Lewis.’ He said sadly. ‘I will guide you back to the Bifrost.’ He offered.

‘It’s ok. I will just walk, I don’t think my butt could take anymore riding.’ She joked, smiling, but it wasn’t her usual smile that reached her eyes. ‘Thanks, Birger. Maybe see you again soon.’

‘Take care, Miss Lewis.’ Birger nodded to her again.

Darcy slowly made her way back to the observatory. She was half regretting not riding back, it had been quite a trek.

‘Can you uh, get me back home?’ Darcy asked Heimdall.

He nodded once. ‘If that’s what you wish.’

‘Yeah. I was too late. As always, Darcy Lewis is never on time!’ She said as she flailed her arms up. ‘Tell Loki congratulations when he gets back.’

Heimdall said nothing as he unlocked the Bifrost and sent Darcy back home to Earth.

[the-dumbest-po3-au]

part 4 - the dumbest po3 au

its been. nine. montsh im SO SORRY GUYS LMAO

for those of you who dont know what the dumbest po3 au is, click this link

for those of you who have not read the summaries for power of three, part 1 - part 2 - part 3

alright!!!!!!! dovewing time

the fourth apprentice

the book opens w/ ivykit and dovekit in the nursery. ivykit suggests going out to explore the territory and dovekit is like “wow. that sounds like a fantastic idea ivykit you are so smart"

whitewing says No Absolutely Not, and leaves at some point to go make dirt. they sneak out and not 5 minutes later they get lost. dovekit gets blames ivykit for suggesting it and they get into a fight. they both get really mad & dovekit runs off. because shes like a stupid 2 year old gets distracted, rams her head into a rock and passes out. rip dovekit. she wakes up and sees a fox kit coming towards her. she screams.

her head hurts and shes tired and now shes going to die. out of nowhere a huge cat beats up the fox and scares it away. dovekit passes out (again)

when she wakes up, she is next to a cat messing with a bunch of weird plants. the cat sees that she woke up and introduces himself as littlecloud. he asks what her name is. “dove… dove…?? i dont know” says dovekit.

he asks her how she got there, and if she has any family. she does not remember. so littlecloud tells her she’s gonna have to stay here for the time being. he asks her if anything hurts, and dovekit says she thinks may have hit her head.

he gives her some of the weird plants and she goes back to sleep. when she wakes up her head has stopped hurting and she feels a lot better. she gets up to go walk around and is immediately introduced to the tawnyspawn.

tigerpaw is stupid and friendly (and hellbent on being her future best friend). dawnpaw is obnoxious and a bit (read: extremely) condescending but interested. flamepaw is nice and also the only one with half a braincell.

they take her around and introduce her to the rest of the clan. she sees blackstar and is like. “im pretty sure thats my dad” tigerpaw gasps. flamepaw and dawnpaw are like. “What.” “he saved me from the fox im pretty sure thats my dad,” says dovekit

they go harass blackstar. dovekit follows him around like a puppy and the tawnspawn follow her. he has this train of literal 2 yr olds trailing after him and is wildly unhappy about this development. russetfur is also definitely siccing the kids on him to make him mad.

dawnpaw gives dovekit a passionate speech about the clans, but mostly how evil riverclan kicked completely innocent shadowclan out of their home, and how shadowclan has to set everything right and deliver justice to those cringe fail fishheads, or something.

a few days later the tawnyspawn are off doing their own thing and dovekit goes to see whats going on. dawnpaw tries to shut tigerpaw up but he spills the beans anyways. “we’re going to attack riverclan on a Secret Mission so that we can win back shadowclan’s honor and become WARRIORS so you cant tell anybody”

dawnpaw sighs. “dovekit this is for Big Kids Only, so you cant be here.” flamepaw is trying to talk tigerpaw out of doing this in the bg but tigerpaw is being stubborn. dovekit is sad about it but goes back to sulk in camp (and to harass her new dad).

a few hours later tawnypelt runs over to blackstar and is like. “blackstar my children are missing nobody knows where they went”

"oh!! they went to go attack riverclan to get back shadowclan’s territory!” informs dovekit helpfully.

“what.” says blackstar, tawnypelt, and russetfur in unison. the sky immediately opens up and starts Pouring. tawnypelt freaks out. dovekit is like “why cant we just follow the sound of their voices??” but everyone ignores her bc they think shes just being stupid.

“Fine!! ill just go find them on my OWN” says dovekit, following them by the sound of their voices (theyre proally arguing over something stupid).

now four of shadowclan’s children are missing. “you brought that kid here so you get to deal with her,” says russetfur. blackstar sighs dramatically and goes off to find his new child.

dovekit runs into an old man cat. “whatre you doin here??” says old man cat. “im looking for my friends!! whats your name :0? im dovekit!!” “my names purdy!”

blackstar shows up and is like. who tf are you. “this is my new friend purdy!!!” says dovekit. blackstar doesnt even know how to respond. “look we’re going to go back to the camp right now and we’re not taking this dude with us.”

dovekit is like “??? no??? we have to get my friends theyre right over there??” she says pointing in their direction w/ her tail. blackstar is ready to cry. so blackstar and purdy follow dovekit as she leads them closer to riverclan territory where they hear the tawnyspawn screeching like banshees.

they run over and find several cats w/ the tawnyspawn who are pinned down. “if you breathe in my direction ill kill all three of these children,” says a snotty dude.

“who tf are you” says blackstar

“im darktail you insolent snot,” says darktail.

one of his cats grabs dovekit and blackstar snaps. he lunges at darktail while purdy beats up the dude who snatched dovekit. the tawnyspawn take advantage of the moment, escape, and dogpile the other cats. its a disaster.

darktail swears revenge on blackstar till his dying day or something. nobodys really paying attention to him at this point. he runs off w/ his crew. “alright then” says blackstar. this has been a really weird and long day for everyone. blackstar wants to leave purdy but all the children immediately start crying. they bring purdy home.

“holy crap!!! purdy!!!!!” says tawnypelt. “why are you here??” but then she sees her children. she and rowanclaw give them a very stern lecture about Not Running Off Without Telling Anyone (in which tawnypelt is a massive hypocrite but to be fair god told her to)

in the meanwhile, blackstar asks dovekit how tf she knew they were there. “i could hear them, Obviously. ???? cant u not???” blackstar just looks at her. dovekit realizes that probably not everyone shares this ability. blackstar shoos her off and calls a meeting w/ the senior warriors.

dovekit goes off to bother purdy for stories and play w/ the tawnyspawn. nothing particularly interesting happens. blackstar and russetfur call her over later and start assessing her abilities. its only slightly a disaster because shes wildly distracted 80% of the time and her powers are unwieldy bc shes a kit.

cue training. there is a lot of trial, error, and tears (on both sides) but it works out in the end (mostly).

time skip. its been a few months. dovekit becomes dovepaw and blackstar mentors her b/c of her powers. at this point shes gotten control of how to pick out numbers, locations, troops, etc. basically she is a living radar.

blackstar calls another meeting w/ the senior warriors and afterwards calls a clan meeting. “alright losers we’re going to take back our territory and kick riverclan’s butt”

they go over the clan w/ all the cats and begin the trek home. another time skip because that takes a while and nothing particularly interesting happens.

when they get back, the clan stays outside the border while blackstar has dovepaw do a sweep of the territory. she finds a patrol led by a black cat named reedwhisker. blackstar picks a patrol out and they go to ambush the riverclan patrol.

the shadowclan patrol takes reedwhisker + the patrol hostage, but lets one go to tell mistystar. mistystar takes a patrol and comes over. “if you dont give us back our territory i will kill your son” says blackstar. mistystar is like “bro. i dont even want your stupid crusty territory anyways. screw you.”

she takes her son and the rest of the patrol and leaves. another win for shadowclan, obviously. maybe they have a party idk. end of book.

fading echoes

cinderheart has not been doing well. she’s been doing really badly, actually. her best friend died and she blames herself. she’s still grieving and continually lashing out at everyone around her. poppyfrost and honeyfern attempted to be there for her but after the continual rebuffs they decided to just give her space.

unfortunately cinderheart. doesnt have any other friends in thunderclan, so the only person she can talk to is lionblaze. unfortunately theres only so much he can do from windclan, so mostly shes been just been going into a downward spiral.

ivypaw hasnt been doing great either. she feels extremely guilty because she thinks its her fault that dovekit ran away, and when dovekit is never found, it gets 50x worse.

but she also doesnt want to say anything about her involvement in fear of getting punished. as time goes on, she starts getting babied by the clan (almost like leopardstar when she was a kid) because her sister disappeared and she took it really hard.

and like on one hand, she likes the attention, but on the other hand its too much a lot of the time. she starts adopting this “stop babying me!1!1!!!”/kinda edgy persona. the clan takes it like shes grieving, and she’ll grow out of it, so they dont say too much.

so the book opens w/ ivypaw and fernpaw’s apprentice ceremony. brief context about how fern was recently found by the thunderclan border w/o parents and taken into the clan. fernsong is apprenticed to brightheart. ivypool is apprenticed to cinderheart.

firestar probably thinks that they might be able to bond/break through to each other because they recently lost a sister/adjacent sister. neither of them are particularly enthusiastic about it.

cinderheart isnt particularly invested in ivypaw’s training. ivypaw can tell and gets rightfully frustrated, bc brightheart and fernpaw are getting along great and making lots of progress, while ivypaw is falling behind becuase cinderheart is being a terrible mentor.

ivypaw starts fighting back (disobeying, talking back, etc.), partially because this is the only time she gets paid attention, and partially because shes just mad, which makes cinderheart mad, which then makes ivypaw fight back more. this causes cinderheart to become more and more distant. in short: ivypaw’s apprenticeship is a disaster.

at some point during training, theyre practicing climbing trees and cinderheart tells ivypaw to do something. to spite her, ivypaw does the opposite and ends up falling, dislocating her leg. cinderheart panics and cinderpelt emerges.

cinderpelt basically possesses cinderheart and relocates her arm. they go back to camp and take ivypaw to the medicine cat den, gives ivypaw some poppy seeds and ditches.

“wow um. wtf was that” says cinderheart. leafpool is like, “hahaha………… about that. you’re um… cinderpelt reincarnated.”

“what.” says cinderheart

“CINDERHEART IS CINDERPELT REINCARNATED???” screams foxleap at the top of his lungs in the middle of camp. whatever was left of cinderheart’s life shatters.

so now instead of ignoring her, the entire camp won’t leave her alone - except now they just treat her as they would cinderpelt. “hey cinderheart remember when [enter something that happened in the old forest here]??” “hey cinderheart can you fix my paw??” “hey cinderpelt-” “are you going to become a medicine cat then??”

to pour more salt into the wound, cinderheart now gets a free commentary on everything in her life!! (this definitely includes lionblaze) there used to be sort of a barrier between cinderheart/cinderpelt but since cinderpelt emerged/took control, it shattered.

so between cinderpelt complaining about all the terrible decisions she’s made and the entire clan pretending that she’s cinderpelt instead of a Completely Different Person, when hawkfrost shows up w/ an invite to fight club on the weekends cinderheart is more than happy to take him up.

sure hawkfrost is wildly annoying and clearly hates her guts for some reason (no matter how hard he pretends not to whenever tigerstar is around) but this is great for three reasons.

1) nobody in the dark forest has any idea she’s cinderpelt. 2) warrior training!! emphasizing she is a Warrior not a medicine cat. 3) time away from cinderpelt!! they arent the same soul so they cant read each other’s thoughts (unless theyre trying to communicate) and cant share dreams

so she might be purposely oblivious. whatever. she doesnt even know who hawkfrost is b/c anybody outside of riverclan immediately forgot about him because he really was not very effective at all. and its not like hes about to start spilling the beans until shes ready to be indoctrinated w/ dark forest propaganda.

meanwhile, tensions between shadowclan and thunderclan have been rapidly rising. again. prey is being stolen, scents are on other territories, patrols get into skirmishes often.

firestar is hurt because he was trying to get mistystar to lay off on the territory and blackstar is mad because they literally Just got back and thunderclan is ALREADY trying to reinstate old rivalries.

cinderheart really isnt paying attention to what’s going on cuz shes. more than a little wrapped up in her own problems. until it turns into a war.

this battle feels way more vicious than normal. cinderheart tries to recall how this whole thing started and realizes she has absolutely no idea what tf is going on???

throughout the fight she notices weird stuff happening. mousewhisker and redwillow nod to each other. ratscar + blossomfall swap glances. applefur pulls snowbird off thornclaw’s back. literally wtf thinks cinderheart

and then russetfur takes a stab at firestar. out of nowhere, thornclaw goes for her throat. cinderheart barely saves russetfur in the nick of time - the injuries are bad enough that she is forced to retire.

“screw literally everyone in thunderclan except u” blackstar says pointing @ cinderheart “and i hope the rest of you rot in the dark forest.” he rounds the rest of shadowclan up and then leaves.

“well that was weird” says cinderheart. she goes off to find ivypaw and realizes that shes. not responding. oh thats a lot of blood-

cinderpelt pops up again and works w/ cinderheart to patch up ivypaw until she’s stable. they bring her into the medicine den together and let leafpool look her over. she says that they made it in time and ivypaw will live. she leaves to go look after the other patients, leaving cinderheart with her apprentice

cinderheart realizes that this is her fault. had she actually paid attention to ivypaw and given her proper training, this wouldn’t have happened. she resolves to try a lot harder to be a good mentor for ivypaw’s sake.

cinderpelt approves and apologizes for being so intrusive on cinderheart’s life. she really doesnt want to be in here either - this was a decision the idiots in starclan forced on her. she was taking it out on cinderheart, which wasn’t fair for her.

cinderpelt promises to try to give cinderheart as much privacy as she can (while trying to figure out how to get out of her brain). cinderheart thanks her. there’s a brief bonding moment.

cinderpelt says that since ivypaw seems stable she’s going to go to sleep now, since she exhausted herself earlier.

just as cinderpelt goes out to the back of cinderheart’s mind, blossomfall comes storming in about how cinderheart messed the plan up and how cinderheart screwed everything up for everyone & she’s a traitor to the cause, Honestly cinderheart you’re so useless-

“literally wtf are you talking about” says cinderheart

“you saved russetfur,” blossomfall says. “if we take out the leaders and deputies, we can destabilize the clans enough that taking over will be a piece of cake. are you a dark forest trainee or not, cinderheart?”

end of book

[thunder-the-ranger-wolf]

Human Warriors: Dawn Patrol

In this AU, they were originally cats. The forest has gone for good. When StarClan's chosen can't find anywhere to go that isn't infested by Twolegs, the Clans find that they must adapt. Adapt they will, since they now have the ability to take human form.

Firenze yawned and stretched his arms as the music on his phone got louder. He'd set it so that it would, and he could get up on time, but then Sandy had to go and put it on top of the dresser so not only was he awake, he was forced to get up and find the infernal thing and he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep! 

"That is the goal, dear, now shower and get ready. You have to check in with the other three leaders at the City Council tonight, so pick who's going. Oh, and Brian called right after you went to sleep yesterday. He asked for time off so he can help Squirrel around the house." 

"Did he say how much?" 

"I'd imagine until the kids are born. She looks about ready to pop any day now." 

Firestar groaned.

Brian, still occasionally called Brambleclaw for his steadfastness and stubborn determination, was his daughter's husband as well as one of his best policemen.

He'd considered many times placing the young man in charge officially, but something always held him back. He couldn't help but feel like he was betraying his oldest friend, Greyson, if he ever did.

Grey had been missing since their old territory had been condemned and rebuilt into mall or something. (It was completely unrecognizable now. Firenze had checked himself.) He'd gotten lost in all the commotion of moving every Clan, and never quite found his way to their new home.

The other three leaders thought he was ridiculous for holding out hope for so long, but he knew his friend. Greyson wouldn't just disappear without a trace. He had to be in trouble. 

"Come on, Firenze! Cloud is waiting!" Sandy called up the stairs. 

For the love of the Stars, could her husband be any slower right now?! She wanted to go check on Sammy and here Firestar was, moving slower than the thick tree sap that was so common in their old town, half-forest that it was. 

Colin, also called Cloudtail for his thick, snow-white hair, beeped the horn three more times. 

“C’mon, Uncle F! We’re gonna be late for the patrol!”  

Recently, a gang that called themselves The Foxes had set up camp in the part of the town that Firenze and his Clan had claimed for themselves. ThunderClan was one of four groups that had relocated to the town by the lake, so different from their old home, and yet the same problems remained. There were still times of sickness and famine. (although his daughter, Layla, and her friends in the other Clans often worked as an elite group of Healers.) There were times that intruders ravaged their Clan’s section of the town, like the last group that had invaded their town, the Badgers. (One of their members disagreed with their ways and warned the Clans days prior to the attack, so the damage was not as bad as it could have been. Unfortunately, Midnight had been slaughtered by her brother, the leader, for her choice.) 

Firenze bolted out of the house and jumped into the car, keys flying behind him from the lanyard around his neck, gun and Leader’s badge at his hip. 

“It’s about time!” Colin scoffed as he slammed the gas. “What do you do with yourself?”

“You know I’m not the most organized cat on the block! I’m lucky I have Sandstorm to help me with that, but sometimes… I just need more time!” 

“Yeah, well at least your kids are grown. Mine’s still a teenager. I've got more to do than you ever will, so why are you complaining?”

“Me? Why are you complaining? Whitepaw (Whitney, why do I keep forgetting that?!) is a good cat. Calm, level-headed, responsible, and she’s far overdue for her warrior name. I was thinking we could have the ceremony tonight, if all goes well.”

“I’ll tell her to get ready, then. Be warned, though. She might tackle you. She’s been so excited for this, her walls are plastered with tales of your… exploits. Whitney can’t wait to become a warrior.” Collin snorted. 

“I remember a certain apprentice who bragged every chance he got when he became a warrior before the rest of his denmates.” 

“Yeah, and because of that my wife’s only got half her face and our best friend is dead.” 

“Cloudtail..."

“Let it go, Firestar. We’ve got a patrol to do, remember?” 

[schtroumpf-a-lunettes]

Smurf Village Upturned, Ch.2

Chapter 1 here

Read on: AO3 | FF.net | This post

Chapter Two: A Funerary Meeting

“Oh, Sassette, I… really don’t think Gargamel would have wanted me to be there… And it’s too risky, I can’t allow-“

“But Pappy,” Sassette pleaded, “Please.”

Papa Smurf nodded. “I know, I know…” he fell silent, lost in thought. “Okay, Sassette,” he finally relented. “If it is that important to you… I’ll go with you. I’ll take you to the funeral.”

Scruple was quite good at keeping them informed about the relevant information. It was unconventional, but he knew this was for Sassette.

That’s how Papa Smurf found himself getting dressed up, for Gargamel. Well, no. Not for Gargamel. For Sassette.

Sassette wore a more formal outfit than her standard overalls too, and together, the two smurfs set off to attend Gargamel’s funeral.

They arrived at the location that Scruple had told them about by following his instructions accordingly. They soon came across the former apprentice once they arrived, who was helping to set up.

“Oh… you’re here,” he said.

“Gee… There don’t seem to be many people, huh?” Sassette said, looking about. Papa Smurf had been concerned about being in the presence of other humans and possibly attracting unwanted attention, but such fears seemed to be unfounded with such sparse attendance.

Scruple’s eyes went over the room. “Ah, some others will probably arrive soon… I think.”

A young woman with long, black hair approached Scruple. “Balthazar’s informed me that he won’t be able to make it today,” she told him.

Scruple hardly bothered to conceal his disapproving sigh. “Of course he… Alright.”

The woman felt a tug at her long dress before she was able to turn and walk off again. Once she saw the source of the tug, she let out a gasp. “Sassette!”

“D-Denisa…? Tapdancin’ turtles, ya look so different all grown up now, but ya still remember me,” the smurfling smiled.

“Why of course I remember you, Sassette. How could I forget my bestest friend? Wow, I wasn’t expecting to see you today… glad you could make it.”

“From the looks of things, it looks like not many people did make it…”

“Oh, well, you know Gargamel… Always kept to himself, really.”

“Well that’s one way of putting it,” Scruple muttered.

“But there’s going to be more people than this,” Denisa reassured her. “I’ve got some associates coming, not to mention that a funeral isn’t complete without some official Funerary Attendees.”

“What d’ya mean?” Sassette asked, confused.

At length, Denisa knelt down closer to the ground. “They attend the service, and pay their respects, and even offer their comfort during such a difficult point in people’s lives when called upon. Kind of like a hired mourner… but without all the wailing.”

Scruple sighed again. “You’re making it sound normal, and not like the reality, which is that you happened to have connections to people that have decided to make it their business to attend funerals for a living. But you insisted, and it sounded respectable enough, so…”

Denisa shushed him. “I think some of them are arriving now… I’ll go over to them.”

“I don’t know where she finds these people,” Scruple remarked as she walked off. “I’d never heard of something like it before.”

“You mean… they’re comin’ here today but… they never even met Pappy Gargamel before?” Sassette asked softly.

“Yeah. The place will look… more full. Probably a respectable enough send-off that Gargy would have appreciated.”

Sassette looked up at Scruple, unsure of exactly how he must have been feeling in that moment. “I think you’ll really miss Pappy Gargamel, right? You must care a whole lot, to have been so involved in the organising of all this.”

“If I didn’t, then who else would?” Scruple replied. “You know, Gargy took care of me for many years… He didn’t take care of me very well though. Actually, he treated me pretty badly. That’s just how it is sometimes, I guess. But in the end, he had no one else, which is kinda sad when you think about it. No one except the kid he mistreated for so long.” He then remembered who he was talking to, and realised now was probably not the time to unload years of emotional baggage. “Uh… but if I’m being honest, yeah, I guess I’m kinda gonna miss him.”

Papa Smurf stepped in. “If I may speak,” he said politely, “I find it slightly surprising that you were so receptive to Sassette and I’s attendance today. You were very helpful, and don’t seem to have any ulterior motive.”

Scruple allowed himself a brief laugh. “What, you’d think I’d try and capture you or something? That was Gargy’s thing. The only way I take after him these days is in being a failed wizard. You know, I never really actually cared about capturing any of you.” He finished off with a shrug. “Anyway, I think the service is starting soon, so you two should probably take a seat.”

“Scruple didn’t seem to have many nice things to say,” Sassette commented to Papa once they were out of earshot, “And I thought that, on today of all days, you’re supposed to say nice things, and even if you do have mean things to say… that you’re still not supposed to say ‘em.”

Papa Smurf put a hand on Sassette’s shoulder. “I think Scruple might be dealing with a lot of complicated and contradictory feelings right now. But you’re right – he’s put in effort organising this for Gargamel, which certainly means something. He says that Gargamel had no one else… but when Scruple was a child, I think he had no one else either.”

They found a relatively unobtrusive place to sit down. Papa had come prepared lest anything went wrong, so now he could ease his mind and just focus on being there for Sassette. He was about to reassure her further, but the service began before he could continue. She managed to remain mostly dry-eyed throughout the ceremony, Papa Smurf right there next to her at every stage. No one appeared to pay them any mind or really notice the two small, blue creatures at the otherwise uneventful funeral. They both sat in silence, and then, after some time, the proceedings were over.

As people began to get up from their seats, Sassette blinked, looked about, as if waking up from some kind of trance. The woman that had been sitting next to them was one of the few who still remained seated, like them. Sassette looked at her curiously, and then their eyes met.

“Hello, there,” the woman said gently.

“Hello… Um, did you… know Pa- Gargamel?” Sassette asked.

The woman looked back at her sadly. “Oh, I didn’t, I’m sorry. I never met the man, but I’m sure he was wonderful. I take it the two of you were rather close to him?”

Papa Smurf decided not to correct her.

“No one… Hardly anyone here who came today knew him. And even the people who did… it was like they didn’t even care!” Sassette wiped a tear from her eye. “I think he deserved to have more people who really cared about him. Maybe then he would have been nicer.”

“It looks like you have a very big heart,” said the woman. “And I think Gargamel was very lucky to have made a friend like you.”

Sassette looked at her lap. “Why are you here?” she asked. “If you didn’t even know Pappy Gargamel…”

The woman at last introduced herself. “My name is Roesia, and I’m a professional mourner. Lately, a couple of other professional mourners as well as myself have been trying something different and extending our services, where we’ll come and pay our respects but we’re also here to talk to if you need it, and it seems like right now, you need it.”

Papa Smurf spoke up. “I don’t want to sound in any way impolite, but wouldn’t introducing yourself as a mourner somewhat defeat the purpose?”

“We want to be open about what we are – we don’t want to deceive anyone. We are important aids both spiritually and ceremonially. But if we’re asked to not be so open about that, of course we’re going to respect that. I can’t speak for other mourners outside of my circle, however.”

“It must be quite something.”

“Yes, and it’s always interesting, the kinds of people you meet at funerals,” Roesia said casually. There was a slight glint in her eyes.

“Well we’re not exactly people, are we, Pappy?” Sassette pointed out.

Roesia laughed good-naturedly. “Yes, I suppose not. But it was still a pleasure to meet you.”

“Ah, Roesia,” it was Denisa again. “Thanks for everything. Are you able to come and help us pack up?”

“Of course,” Roesia stood up.

“Ooh, and I see you’ve met Sassette!” excitement slipped through Denisa’s voice, but she kept it mostly subdued, given where they were.

“Sassette…” Roesia did her best to shake her hand, albeit awkwardly given their relative size differences, and then she shook Papa’s too. “It was a delight.”

“Wow, I like your necklace!” Sassette said. Roesia’s movements had shifted the previously obscured piece of jewellery into view.

“Ah, thank you,” Roesia said, hastily tucking it back out of sight, “It helps me to see.”

“Huh…” Sassette said curiously, but Roesia was already getting up to leave.

So at that, the smurfs and the humans bid each other farewell, and Sassette gave the now-grown Denisa a big hug.

They went to say goodbye to Scruple, too, before they left.

“Thanks again for letting us come, Scruple,” Sassette told him. “And… I wish you all the best. Hope things go well for you.”

Scruple was a little taken off-guard. “Uh… yeah, me too I guess. And you… too?” he made a face, even at his own words. “You know, I don’t know what old Gargy ever did to deserve your goodness… the guy really should’ve appreciated you more. Oh well. Yeesh, I’ve really gotta get going…”

Sassette smiled at that, and the two smurfs waved as they walked away from him.

“Goodbye Sassette, goodbye… Papa Smurf,” Scruple said awkwardly, finding himself waving too.

[blastron01]

Ascendance of a Bookworm – 077

Interlude: A Gatekeeper's Job

I'm Gunther. I'm thirty-two years old, and today I'm standing watch at the south gates to protect my beloved family.

Otto is being extra annoying today. He just can't stop himself from constantly grinning, and he isn't actually doing his job at all. My guess is that something good's happened to his wife, who he just adores. I get it, sure, but that face he's making is just begging for a couple good punches.

"Get yourself together, Otto. Is that the kind of face a gatekeeper makes?!" "I am keeping myself together!"

When I call him out on it, he smacks himself in the cheeks, making an effort to shape up, but he barely manages anything. His cheeks are a little redder, but he can't keep a straight face at all. As I sigh in astonishment, I hear a low chuckle behind me. I turn around and see my commanding officer, shoulders quivering with laughter.

"Your subordinate's just like you, isn't he?" he says. "He's paying exactly as much attention to his job as you do when you're worried about your daughters." "Ah...?! Uh, no, sir, what I―" He claps me on my shoulder. "Have a talk with him," he says, sauntering off. "He always does it for you."

Back when I had to miss Tuuli's baptismal ceremony, and whenever Maïne's in trouble, Otto's always been there to listen to me, so I guess I owe him one.

Gotta do it, then. It's not gonna be great, but maybe I should go keep him company after work. ...Although, whenever he really gets started talking about things he loves, he gets completely unstoppable.

I sigh again. Learning that that's what people think of me was pretty unexpected, and I really had no way of knowing that everyone wanted us two irritatingly doting family men to be friends with each other, either.

After we hand over our posts to the night shift, Otto and I start walking towards the eastern gates. The eastern gates are connected to the main highway, so it gets the most pedestrian traffic, and the road that connects to them is lined with inns and eateries. The side streets and alleys off the main road are packed with shops too, and these are the ones that the people who actually live here tend to use.

Since it's the summer, every single shop has its doors flung wide open, an here and there I can hear the rowdy voices of people enjoying a drink or four. We make our way towards a bar that's a favorite among the soldiers here, taking care to avoid bumping into anyone else along the way.

The bar is full of the smell of food and drink. When we walk in, the two medium-length tables in the middle of the room are full of a party of about ten or so people having a loud conversation about something or other. The handful of smaller, round tables around the edge of the room that are meant for a few people are also almost all full up.

"It's really busy," remarks Otto. "C'mon, over there," I say.

I head towards the back of the room, cutting my way through the noisy party in the middle. On my way, I call out to the manager standing behind the counter.

"Hey, Ebbo! Two bereas this way. And some boiled sausage too, when you get the chance." "Comin' up!"

I put in an order for two bereas from Ebbo, the manager. To someone like me, who's been a gatekeeper ever since his apprentice days, basically everyone in this little city's an acquaintance, except for the nobles and rich people that keep the curtains closed on their carriages.

I slap down a large copper coin on the counter to pay for the drinks and the sausage, and Ebbo sets out two large wooden mugs, filled to the brim with berea. I grab the mugs, careful not to spill anything, look around the room for an empty spot, and start moving towards a round table near the back of the bar.

The table's still got all the tableware on it from the previous customers, but when the two of us start heading for it a sharp-eyed serving girl quickly runs over to clear off the wooden cups and forks. There's a piece of the bread that they serve meat on instead of plates left on the table, already damp with juice. She uses it to roughly wipe down the table, then tosses it to the ground. The shop dog runs over, tail wagging, and hungrily scarfs it down. Otto and I set our mugs down on the freshly cleared table and sit down, our chairs clattering against the wooden floor.

"We give thanks to Vantolle," we both say, lifting our mugs in gratitude to the god of alcohol, and take a drink.

I down my entire mug in one go, gulping noisily. In my opinion, this is the absolute best way to enjoy a frothy mug of berea. The feeling of the drink pouring down my throat after it's gotten so parched from work is irresistible. The sensation of the tiny little bubbles and that special bitter flavor hit my mouth an instant later.

I let out a satisfied sigh. "That's the stuff! ...So, what's happened?"

I set my empty mug down on the table with a clack. Otto, who still has some froth around his mouth, takes a plate of boiled sausage from the serving girl and orders us another round. As I reach for the chunk of hard bread they served my sausage on, Otto starts acting absolutely lovestruck, foppishly shrugging his shoulders.

"Wellll, Corinna says we're still not telling anyone yet, so even if it's you, sir, I just can't say!" "What, you're having a kid or something?" "H, how, how did you know that?!" "I mean, based on how you're acting and the fact that your wife doesn't want you to tell anyone, what else could it be?"

Otto gives up, scratching his cheek. To be a little more honest, I figured it out after going through the exact same thing and having someone point it out the same way. No need to tell him that, though.

Seriously, though, Otto's going to be a dad, huh? Is this merry man really going to be okay?

Those words flicker through my head, but even that was something that people asked about me back then, too.

Yeah, if he's so happy about having a child now, then he'll probably be a good, doting father. Based on my own past, I'd bet there'll be no problems there at all.

"Alright, here're your refills! Thanks for waiting."

The serving girl sets down fresh mugs with a heavy clack, their contents sloshing a little and sending a spray of foam over the sides. Neither she nor us customers pays it any mind, though, and I hand her a medium copper coin. Otto and I drink our drinks, distracted by the hubbub around us. Unlike my first mug, I don't slam it back in one go, but instead let the complex flavor roll across my tongue, tasting the bitterness of the wheat mixed with the sweetness of the malt, before finally swallowing it down.

Come to think of it, wasn't Otto's wife the seamstress that Eva and Tuuli admire? Tuuli was saying that after her darua contract runs out at her current workshop, she was going to try really hard to move to Otto's wife's workshop next. Also, her older brother's the proprietor of that company that's been taking care of Maïne. I myself only really know Otto, but it seems like our families have somehow managed to get pretty close.

"Otto, make sure you do right by your wife and kid. Your kid's going to be the heir to a major store, isn't he? Maïne was saying something about that." "...About that, sir."

His entire demeanor suddenly changes. His face hardens, his foppish demeanor disappearing, and he looks off into space as if he's searching for words. When I see his shoulders tense, just like Maïne's did when she was trying to tell us something she'd been bottling up, my head suddenly cools, the buzz of the alcohol disappearing. Despite the fact that I'd just taken a swig, my throat suddenly feels dry. I take a long, slow drink of my berea.

"...Alright, what is it?" "Ah~... well, this isn't an immediate thing, but... in a few years, I'm probably going to quit being a soldier."

The reason Otto had become a soldier was originally so that he could try to marry the heiress of a major store. A mere trader falling in love with the heiress of a major store. Basically everything about being a trader is different from being a merchant in a city. There's no way a trader could suddenly become a merchant working for a major store. At that point, the people around her were saying that he was only courting her in order to gain the social standing of a major merchant, so she treated him with a lot of suspicion at first. However, when Otto bought his citizenship and found work as a soldier, not a merchant, it showed her how serious his feelings were.

That was a major shock, though, when I heard about it. That happened when I was still stationed at the west gate, so that must have been, what, four years ago? One day, a particular trader, who'd always said that he was selling his wares so he could go home to his parents one day and open a shop in the city they lived in, came through the gates as usual. A few days later, that same trader shows back up again at the gates, saying that in order to woo a woman he'd sold everything he owned to buy a citizenship and was now looking for non-mercantile work. The other gatekeepers had to ask him to repeat himself several times, not believing their own ears.

I'd known Otto since he was a kid, though, all the way back from when his father kept bringing him along his journeys as a trader. It was easy to understand that if a man like him who said that he was going to go back to his parents someday suddenly sold everything to buy citizenship, he must have seriously fallen in love at first sight.

Thanks to his life as a trader, Otto knew his numbers, could read our official documents, and was decently good with his hands. In the end, I'd recommended him to the higher-ups in the guard, on the condition that he was mostly going to be doing paperwork. There are many soldiers who, no matter how diligent they are about training, constantly forget to do their paperwork. Otto joining the soldiery made dealing with the merchants and nobility coming through the gates with their letters of recommendation a lot easier on us all.

But now he's quitting being a soldier? Does this mean that his wife's family has recognized him as a merchant?

I've known for a while that when he's not on duty at the gates, he's been helping out with things at his wife's shop. I also know that he's been making sure to keep his mercantile senses sharp by talking with the traders and merchants that come through the gates. If this is the result of all of his hard work paying off, then I'm really happy for him, but there's something in his face that reminds me of a man who's lost his bearings.

"So now that you're having a kid, is that dutiful older brother of Corinna's finally recognizing you?" "...No, we've occasionally had conversations about that before, so that's probably not it. I think this is because of Maïne." "What?!"

I slam my cup down, eyes nearly flying out of my head. I hadn't expected that my daughter's name would come up at all. Otto, however, looks a little more relaxed, reaching for his cup and taking a drink.

"Sir, when I was looking for work outside of being a merchant, the reason I thought being a soldier was the best choice for me was so that I could make acquaintances with the people living in this city. I wanted to make sure that I could remember everyone's faces, and that they'd all remember mine. Also, I wanted to be able to know about all the merchants and nobles coming and going, so I decided that being a soldier would be a good way to gather a little intelligence." "Hmm," I say, noncommittally. "I'd planned to keep being a soldier for a while longer, but things around the store have started changing. The rinsham and hairpins that Maïne brought us have been extremely good products for us, so the Gilberta Company's been achieving great things lately." "Huh, because of the products Maïne brought you?"

I'm happy that Maïne's being praised, and as a parent I'm pretty proud about that, but something feels a bit off about all that. From where I'm standing, rinsham is something that Tuuli made, and the hairpins that Eva and Tuuli made were much prettier than Maïne's. When Maïne tries to make things, she doesn't have enough strength to do it, so she winds up making a whole lot of mistakes. I can't even count all of the times I've seen her look at something that hasn't turned out quite right with her head tilted to the side in confusion.

"But the Gilberta Company's main business is in clothing and accessories, so when she and Lutz made a vegetable-based paper and brought that to us... it's very profitable and influential, but it doesn't fit the direction of our store. Benno wants to expand the scope of what we sell. Corinna, though, really doesn't have any interest in anything but clothing, so she's been saying that she doesn't want to do any expansion." I frown. "Are you telling me that Maïne bringing you things has been causing conflict?" Otto frantically waves his hand back and forth. "Oh no no no, I wouldn't call it conflict at all. From a merchant's standpoint, all those things are amazing. I totally understand why Benno wants to get involved. It's just that Corinna doesn't want to sell them. That's why Benno's thinking that he wants to hand over the Gilberta Company to Corinna earlier than we'd planned, get me to help, and own his own shop... He's going to start a new shop in order to sell the things that Maïne comes up with to other cities."

If the proprietor of a major store is going all the way as to start a new store, then selling and distributing these products must be generating colossal sums of money. A little while ago, an extremely excited Tuuli had been trying very hard to explain to me that Maïne was actually extremely rich, but I figured, reasonably, that she was just exaggerating. There's no way that a girl just barely out of her baptism would have any real amount of money.

"...So it's true, then, that Maïne's been earning a ridiculous amount of money?" "It really is. But, she's been extremely careful about controlling her finances. Maybe someone taught her about that, because she's far better at it than you'd expect a kid to be. I don't think you'd have managed to teach her how to calculate transactions at that level, sir, so where in the world did she learn it?"

He grins teasingly at me. I stare back at him for a moment, then snort. There's only one being that could have taken notice of my cute little girl, filled her to overflowing with mana, and gifted her with knowledge beyond understanding.

"The gods taught it to her. My daughter is beloved by the gods, after all." "I kept thinking you were just exaggerating like a normal father, but it's kinda scary how persuasive that idea is now."

Otto laughs, shrugging his shoulders, then takes a big bite of his sausage. I take a bite of my own, then turn the conversation back to him.

"So, when are you planning on quitting? We don't have anyone able to take over for your work, you know?" "Oh, yes, there's no way that I'd be able to hand off my post anytime soon, so I was thinking that it would be sometime in the next two to three years. I've been thinking I want to train up someone to be good at calculations, though." He sighs. "Ahh... Maïne getting caught by the temple was a miscalculation on my part."

I recall that Otto had advised Maïne to not become a merchant's apprentice, trying to convince her that both her physical weakness and the strain she'd put on human relationships meant that it would be better for her to work out of her home. What she decided back then was that she was going to work at home, sometimes come along with me to the gates to do some work there, and keep living like that for as long as she could, wasn't it? I don't think anyone was thinking that she might get caught up by the temple.

"It was a miscalculation for me too, I guess. Maïne had been saying that she didn't want to make any noble's acquaintance, then suddenly she started saying she wanted to go apprentice as a priestess. Just to read books whenever she wanted, huh, that girl..."

Just remembering the time when she'd told me that she wanted to go to the temple and be a priestess makes my grip tighten painfully on the mug.

"It seems like Benno had been gathering information and trying to pull some strings, but... Sir, are you happy with the way things turned out?" "Do you think I am?" I say, shooting him a sharp look. He raises his hands in defeat, shaking his head. "No, not at all."

No matter how many good conditions we got, Maïne attending the temple isn't anything I would have picked by choice.

"I don't think I possibly could be happy about that," I say. "They're promising that she's going to be treated the same way that the nobles are, but once you start thinking about those guys' sense of privilege, there's no way that that's actually going to wind up happening." "...Yes, exactly."

It's just lip service. Sure, to make it look good, they'll probably give her some blue robs, but I know for a fact that they're not going to treat her the same as a noble in any meaningful way.

"Although, we did manage to avoid getting her thrown in the orphanage. If she can come home, then I still get to see her. Those guys are nobles. Even if all we got out of this was that she didn't get completely snatched away by them, then that's still a win in my book." "It's a very precarious position, though." "...Yeah."

Maïne's magic had gone berserk, coercing the temple master into backing down, so things are somewhat hazy right now, but he was originally planning on sentencing me and Eva to death and throwing Maïne into the orphanage. She saved our lives, and we won her the ability to live at home, but that was an enormous concession on the temple's part. Wishing for any better treatment than that is futile. Rather, the temple master is going to be livid that he was coerced by a mere commoner, and is absolutely going to treat her terribly. Just thinking of what might happen once she starts going to the temple fills me with dread.

"Sir. This is second-hand information, but according to Benno, Maïne has at most five years of relative peace at the temple. Since there aren't that many nobles around right now, people that have mana are very important, but once their numbers start to increase then there's a very real danger that they're going to treat her as a burden." "...Just five years, huh? It's still better than the alternative, though. If she doesn't go to the temple, then it won't even be half a year from now before she dies."

I'm letting Maïne go to the temple for the sake of prolonging her life. That is all I can do for her. If I had magic tools, I could do it myself, but I don't have either the connections or the money to be able to get any. I'm too worthless as a father.

"If she can't go to the temple, then making a contract with a nobleman would be fine, too. She has a lot of value: she has mana, and she can make money. If she can demonstrate how valuable she is before things start getting dangerous, then there's a good chance that she'll be able to secure better conditions on the contract than just being kept alive." "Maïne said that she wanted to stay with her family, so she didn't want a contract with a noble, but... as her father, I think I'd prefer her to keep living."

She suffered with her fever for so long, but now that she's finally able to do the things that she wants to be able to do, I want her to live for the sake of her dreams. But, does her wish to live extend all the way to making a contract with a noble? What kind of noble would she contract with, and what conditions would she be able to get on that contract? Everything is all up to Maïne.

I'm her father, yet there's so little I can do. Benno consulted with his relatives to gather all sorts of information for her. The guild master sold her one of the magical tools he'd gathered for his own granddaughter's sake. I can't help but wonder if they've done so much more for her than I ever could.

"...Just what can I do for her, as her father? I don't have money, I don't have connections. No matter how important she is to me, in the end, I'm just a soldier that can't even protect his own daughter, aren't I? I'm just a bad joke."

I let the alcohol do its work, letting out the feelings I can't ever let out at home. I've been so self-importantly declaring that I'd protect all of the families of this town, when there's nothing I can really even do for them.

Otto slowly tilts his head doubtfully to one side as he listens to me grumble.

"No, I'd say that you, the soldier who guards the gates to this city, are the gods' baton of command." I narrow my eyes. "...What do you mean by that?"

Otto glances around the room, which still roils with noisy activity, then leans a little closer, lowering his voice.

"Thanks to Benno's assistance, Maïne is more-or-less well-protected within the city by a magical contract. At the very least, there's plenty of people here in the city who want to keep Maïne safe. Out of all of Benno's predictions, though, the one that we should be most scared of is the possibility that Maïne might be kidnapped by a noble from somewhere else." I gulp. "What happens if she's kidnapped?"

I've been mostly assuming that the danger was going to come from the nobles in the temple. I hadn't even considered that nobles from other parts of the country might have their eyes on her too.

"If she leaves the city, she'll be cut off from the contract magic's effects. If nobles from this city do anything, and someone like the guild master or Benno decide to do something about it, then they might be able to appeal to the lord of the city to investigate the matter. However, if the nobles are from another city, then there's a possibility that they'd be out of the lord's reach."

Benno is the proprietor of a major shop, and it's plain to see that he has a lot of political power. Hearing that someone like him, or the master of the merchant's guild, or even the lord of the city himself have limits to where they can actually exercise that power hits me like a blow to the head.

If the lord of the city can't do something, then how could I possibly do it either? How in the world do I deal with nobles from another city?

I squeeze my forehead tightly, fingers digging into my temples. Otto, though, gives me a broad, challenging grin.

"If we don't want that to happen, then we're going to want to find out this of the priests in the temple has ill feelings towards Maïne and do some investigation into what nobles those people might have relationships with. Also, we'll need to keep an eye out for any nobles from other places who come to the city, then decide if they're trouble or not. Since that's the case, then wouldn't you think that the gatekeeper's job of reading every single letter of introduction and written invitation that people bring with them is, in fact, a very suitable job for keeping Maïne safe?"

I blink several times, thinking back on what a gatekeeper's job is. He's right in that if you want to know about the movement of the nobility, being a gatekeeper is an excellent way to do so. No noble from other cities ever comes through our gates without either a letter of introduction or a written invitation. Whether by horse or carriage, nobles who enter the city always pass through the gates, then based on their letter of introduction, head straight to the inner ramparts and enter the nobles' quarter. Distinguished noblemen never ordinarily wander around the districts where us commoners live. If we're alert for any noble stopping their carriages in the city or heading straight for the temple, then there's a good chance that we'd be able to head off any kidnapping attempt.

Even if, for example, a nobleman were to hire some thug to do the kidnapping for her, any gatekeeper on duty would instantly recognize them as a stranger. We can pretty easily spot anyone who makes their living doing shady business, too. If I talk to the people here as I make my rounds, asking them if they've seen anything suspicious, and get closer to my fellow guards, then I could, just by my every day actions, put myself in a position where I can find out very quickly if something strange is going on. This is entirely part of my job as a soldier.

"Sir, weren't you the one who said that you became a soldier to protect all the families of the city? Maïne counts. I think that if you just keep doing what you've always been doing, you can protect her." "Now that I think of it, I think starting next spring we're going to be reassigned to the eastern gates. That might be some good luck."

Every three years, squads are rotated between the gates. That's probably in place to stop things from getting in a rut, help deepen the bonds between all the soldiers, and make sure the work winds up being the same everywhere, but I don't really care too much about the actual details. All I care about is the fact that this upcoming spring, my squad is going to be reassigned to the eastern gates. Those gates face the highway, so they have the highest amount of traffic out of all of the gates, and it'll be the easiest place to get information from. It's the gate through which the largest number of strangers come through, so it'll be the place where I'll need to be the most vigilant.

"You'll need to be on your guard, and don't let anything slip by when you're gathering information," says Otto. "I think it would be a good idea for you to figure out how you can use your connections with the other soldiers, and go over how they can get in contact with you so that you can start moving as soon as even the littlest strange thing happens. I'll help, too. After all, Benno's sticking his nose into all sorts of things these days, so it's not like this doesn't affect my family either."

With a defiant grin, he makes a fist and flexes his bicep, bending his elbow, making the sign we soldiers use to wish each other a good fight.

"Sir. Let's definitely keep her safe."

I return his grin and down the last of my berea, washing the last of my melancholy away. My cup clacks against the table as I set it down. I clench my fist and bend my elbow, then tap my fist lightly against Otto's.

"Yeah. My family's one of this city's families, so I'll protect them too."

END OF BOOK ONE

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[dreamstormdragon]

Down in the Underground

Down in the Underground

He could hardly wait to see her face when she saw their new home. It had taken a few weeks of work, from mapping out the area, to finding a place that would allow adequate light from above to trail in.

But it was done.

Their ceremony had been a fast affair, all too eager to finally seal the deal as it were.  

Andrea’s hand was held securely in his as he lead her down. Once they had gotten closer he had her close her eyes.

“You’re not peeking, right?”

“Robbie! Come now, you trust me right?”

Robert chuckled, squeezing her hand.

“I trust you. I don’t trust Sebastian.”

“WELL, NOW I'M WOUNDED!” His voice echoed from the shadows. Robert and Andrea laughed.

Robert fell quiet, leading her along until he arrived at their destination.

“Okay… Now!”

Andrea opened her eyes, a surprised look coming to them. It was a base like nothing she had ever seen before.

In the center was a house that resembled the one she had above ground. She could see light flowers curling like vines around it, illuminating it.

She looked upward, seeing it was also nestled in an area where natural light flowed in.

“Robbie…”

“That’s not all.” Robert grinned, leading her around to the back of the house. “Ta-da!”

There was a massive herb and flower garden in the back, forming a circle around a moon dial that looked as if it was carved out of moonlight with how it shone.

Large crystal geodes surrounded it as well, giving off their own faint glow.

“A proper moon dial for your moon scrying… A-And a proper circle garden to cast in. D-Do you like it?” Robert asked, a nervous look coming to his eyes. Andrea had her back to him, taking everything in.

Andrea turned to him, an overjoyed look in her eyes. She squealed, tackling him, hugging him tightly. Robert was surprised before he let out a laugh.

“I take it that’s a yes?” He asked as she peppered his head with kisses.

“THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER!!!!” She laughed, nuzzling him.

Robert held his wife close, resting his head against hers.

“I’m so glad you like it my love. I just want you happy.”

“And I am. So very happy.”

“YA DID GOOD BROTHER IN LAW!” Sebastian screeched.

“And something for you.” Robert had a mischievous look as he reached over, uncovering a small stone den in the cave floor.

Sebastian scuttled over, looking at it.

“WOW. I GET ONE HOLE IN THE GROUND. You’re SOOO generous.”

“I mean I could just plant things-”

“IT’S MA HOLE.” Sebastian scurried in.

“I mean, now you can keep around when I have candles and stuff going without getting hurt by the lights.” Andrea pointed out with a giggle. Sebastian poked his nose out of the hole.

“It’sssss cozy.”

I think we’re gonna be just fine.

oooooo

“Alright, let’s see… That should do it.” Andrea sighed happily as she stirred the contents of the crockpot. “Robert’ll be starving when he gets back.”

“Ya mean more than usual?” Sebastian asked, swinging down from one of the rafters. Andrea poked his nose.

“Maybe. We’ll see. Mandrake soup’ll warm him up good though.”

“Ya, it better. After all the trouble that thing was!”

“MERP, MERP, MERP, MERP, MERP, MERP!”

“Guuuuh shut up, shut up!!!”

The siblings shuddered as Andrea stirred the pot a big more vigorously as if to ensure the strange plant creature was truly dead.

Let’s see… This should be fine to go for awhile.

She looked out the kitchen window into her garden, taking a second look when she noted some of the herbs had been disturbed.

… That’s not normal.

“Sebastian?”

He swung down next to the window, peering out.

“I ssseee disturbed stuff.”

“And Robert’s not the type to go through my garden without explicitly asking me if he can snip down one of the plants.”

“... I scream?”

“No scream. We sneak.”

Sebastian dropped from his perch, hissing as he scurried after his sister.

“You never let me have any fuuun!”

“Brother, contrary to what you believe, you are not a good alarm clock.”

They quietly crept out, Andrea with a spear in hand, Sebastian darting through the shadows. Andrea looked around, taking note of some tracks in the dirt.

They look… insectoid...  Great, we got big  bugs. As usual.

Nothing looked as disturbed as she thought. A few herbs snipped down but that was about it.

Strange.

Her eyes narrowed as she made her way for her moon dial, noting the water level had gone down as well.

Whatever was here, was sneaky.  Not a spider. Spiders are too dumb for this and they’re purely carnivorous.

Andrea kept scanning the area, keeping as quiet as possible, listening for any off sounds… That’s when she heard it. It was the sound of scuttling footsteps. They sounded like the footsteps of a spider but… yet there was a slight difference. A light scratching of claws.

She let her ears guide her to the source, seeing a shape walking around in the dark, their white eyes having a slight glow to them. Now she was certain it wasn’t a spider since there were only two eyes and not the eight eyes spiders were known for, not to mention these eyes were more human shaped and were set higher on whatever the creature was in the darkness.

She narrowed her eyes, gripping her spear tightly, taking a defensive stance.

“Sebastian, be a dear and bring ‘em into the light.”

Sebastian disappeared from her view before slinking into the shadows following the creature.

“SCREEEE!!!!”

The creature gave a scream of their own, scuttling faster, trying to get away as Sebastian gave chase. He had to dodge a few hits from their own weapon before the creature came into the dim light of the light flowers.

Andrea’s eyes widened at the sight of the creature. It was a human bug hybrid like creature. The top half was humanoid while the bottom half resembled that of a scorpion. They were red and tan in color and wore a pale green cloak along with a gold headpiece and were wielding a spear that was made of an odd stone.

“What the…?” She shook it off. “Who are you!? What are you doing in my camp?”

The creature stared back her, tilting their head. They spoke but Andrea couldn’t understand them. The dialect wasn’t any language she had heard before. Though from the tone of the creature’s voice they sounded a little scared.

“Easy, easy…” She hesitated before going a bit closer. “Can you understand me?”

The creature stared on, seeming to try and process what Andrea was saying and gave her a confused expression in response.

Andrea hummed in thought before snapping her fingers as she recalled a spell she had read once.

I remember Melinda used it a lot when traversing the human world. Should work here too.

She focused as she conjured up a string of energy as it came around them both, chanting in an old language. When it was done the string faded away.

“Can you understand me now?”

The creature blinked before nodding.

“Y-Yes-” They brought a hand to their throat. “What… is this tongue I am speaking?”

“English. It’s the tongue my people speak as well as my husband. What was yours?” Andrea asked with a head tilt of her own.

“T-Thulecitian.”

“Hm… I’ve not heard of that one.”

“I have never heard of English before either.” The creature came closer. “What are you exactly?”

“I was going to ask you the same thing. I’m a Shadow Being.”

“Shadow Being… So strange.” The creature looked closer. “Why are your ears so far out?”

Andrea flicked her ears a little.

“They’re just like that. May I ask what you are too?”

“I am a Thulecitian.” The creature answered. “The dwellers of the underground.”

“Fascinating. So, you’re the little sneak who’s been taking from my garden.”

“I needed water… and those herbs tasted yummy.”

Andrea took note of how they sounded, her gaze softening.

Must be just a kid… not worth being mad over, Besides, this is definitely interesting.

“I-I promise I won’t steal again. I-I’ll make it up to you.” The Thulecitian bowed. “O-On my apprentice’s honor.”

“Hey, it’s okay.” Andrea held up a hand. “No need to bow. Just ask if you need something. I don’t mind sharing now that I know you weren’t causing trouble. What’s your name, young one?”

“L-Laika…”

“Well, Laika, my name’s Andrea… and sorry for scaring you earlier.”

“That creepy thing was yours?”

“I AM MY OWN TERRORBEAK THANK YOU VERY MUCH!”

Laika shrieked, backing away and pointing their spear at Sebastian.

“S-Stay back fiend!”

Sebastian gave an unimpressed look.

“Oh, that’s real polite. Reeeaaal nice. Hmph!”

“Easy now.” Andrea grabbed her spear, making her point it away. “That’s my brother.”

Laika’s jaw dropped.

“THAT is related to YOU?”

“It’s a looong story.”

“I USED TO BE PRETTY.”

Laika blinked.

“You mean… You used to be a Shadow Being?”

“YEH. BUT I ANGERED A KING AND HE CURSED ME!”

“Oh…” Laika frowned. “I see… So even beings like you are susceptible to such a mutation.”

“King Maxwell doesn’t like us very much. Namely my brother here. He used to work for him along with his former archivist.” Andrea explained. “The details aren’t ours to tell but… it wasn’t pretty.”

“I let my anger get a hold of me.” Sebastian bowed a little. “Sorry kid!”

“I-It’s okay…” Laika looked to Andrea. “I w-will make things up though. I promise.”

“Hm… Well, if you do wanna help, know where I can get some cave bananas? Robbie found some a few days ago but someone…” She looked to Sebastian. “Ate them all.”

“Oh, I can find them! And hunt some splumonkeys!”

“I’ll pay you in a good meal of Mandrake Soup. Deal?”

“Deal!”

Laika scurried off without another word. Sebastian looked to Andrea.

“THISSS ISSS GONNA BE INTRESSSSSTING TO EXPLAIN TO ROBERT.”

“Indeed, but honestly I think he’ll be happy to know we have nice neighbors.”

oooooo

“Andrea! I’m home!” Robert called as he came in from his long trip of scavenging for materials around the caves.

“Welcome home love!” Andrea grinned hurrying over to help him unpack. “Find anything interesting?”

“You just want first dibs on the crystals.”

“Maybe~” She gave a sneaky look before he pulled her into an embrace. “Eeep!”

“C’mere you!” He chuckled, kissing her head. “Missed you. What’ve you been up to?”

“Weeell…” She grinned sheepishly. “I met the neighbors.”

“... Eh?”

Andrea nodded.

“A being called a Thulecitian. Young one too. She was scrounging around the garden. Took a minute to understand her but she offered to make up for the stealing.”

“Huh… Intriguing. What did they look like?”

Andrea conjured up shadow flames that took the shape of Laika as Robert’s eyes grew wide.

“Fascinating. Do you know if she’ll be back?”

“I sent them on a little errand so, soon probably. She got happy at the idea of hunting splumonkeys.”

Robert grimaced.

“I don’t blame her.”

“So, we shall see. For now, how does mandrake soup sound?”

Robert’s stomach growled.

“Sounds wonderful.”

“Right this way then.”

Andrea lead Robert out back, quickly getting him a serving before getting her own and sitting down with him. They ate in silence, enjoying the food. They soon heard the scuttling of footsteps.

“Andrea! I’m back!”

Andrea smiled as she saw Laika approach, a sack slung over her back.

Laika grinned back before curiosity came to her face at the sight of Robert.

“Who is this?” she asked, pointing her spear at Robert.

Robert yelped, grabbing for his wrench.

“This is my husband!” Andrea quickly got up. “Robert, this is Laika. Laika this is Robert.”

“Your ears…” Laika tilted her head. “... They’re so tiny.”

Robert rubbed one of his ears unconsciously.

“Honestly, they’re considered big for some humans.”

Laika blinked.

“Hoo… mon?”

“Yes. That’s what I am, a human being.”

“Hoomon being… I thought there were just Shadow Beings up there.”

Robert smiled, giving a sheepish look.

“I’m not exactly local.”

Laika’s eyes grew wide.

“Are… you from another world?”

Robert grinned, giving a bow as he stood.

“Robert Wagstaff of Earth.”

“Wow!” Laika was in awe of the man. “I… I have so many questions. Oh, wait till I tell my chief. He’ll be amazed to know about other beings living down here!”

There’s more?

Robert smiled gently.

“Actually… if you’d be willing, I’d love to see where you're from. It’s my current task to map out these caves and make note of what lives down here. I’d love to know more if I may?”

“I’ll talk to my chief but I don’t think he’d mind.”

“Then we have ourselves a deal.” Robert held out a hand.

Laika nodded, giving his hand a shake.

“Indeed we do, Robert Wagstaff of Earth.”

He smiled.

“Please, just Robert, Ms. Laika.”

“Hee okay!”

“And as promised, I got food waiting for you Laika. If your still interested.”

Laika’s stomach growled as she grinned sheepishly, showing her pointed teeth.

“Starving.”

“Ah, rule number one broken!” Robert laughed.

“Rule one?” She asked with a head tilt.

“Don’t starve!”

oooooooo

*Deeeeep breath*

LOOK AT THIS PRECIOUS BUG CHILD.

That is all.

*slinks*

[staircasttext]

Ep 15 Transcript: Press Q for War Crimes

Episode 15

[intro music]

PAZ: Hi everyone, welcome back to Stairway to StarClan, a Warriors Cat reread pawdcast. I'm Paz.

JULIAN: I'm Julian.

LIZ: And I'm Liz.

PAZ: And we are here for our mega finale episode, totally intended to be huge not because of bad chapter planning. But yeah, we've finished Fire and Ice and a second full Warriors book.

LIZ: Yay.

JULIAN: Hell yeah.

PAZ: Yeah, exciting. But we're gonna split the discussion up into two parts today because it's really long. So that's the plan. Sorry, I noticed this while I was reading this book in the car today. This review on the back cover, I just wanna read it out for everyone.

JULIAN: Please do.

PAZ: "A suspenseful animal adventure that will leave readers eyeing Puss a little nervously." From the Kirkus Reviews. Thank you, Kirkus Reviews.

JULIAN: Oh my god.

PAZ: This book is like what if my cat's plotting to murder me? You never know. Oh, I feel like I have to give my cat a shoutout for his warrior spirit because he caught three mice within 24 hours.

LIZ: What?

PAZ: Recently, very proud of him.

JULIAN: I'm so proud of him.

LIZ: When did the third one happen?

PAZ: The third one, it happened this morning, I think.

LIZ: Wow.

JULIAN: He's so fierce.

PAZ: He's so fierce, and a great hunter, and he has a bell collar on.

JULIAN: Damn.

PAZ: So he's like fucking Rock Lee. If we ever took that off...

LIZ: He learned how to be a warrior around them. It's like when they do the montage with the fight guys, and they have to have the big weights on them.

PAZ: Yeah, Rock Lee.

LIZ: Is that... well, I don't know. I've never Narutoed.

PAZ: Oh my gosh. Do I have to go send you the Rock Lee weight scene? I'll do that after.

LIZ: All right, join us for season three when we watch Naruto and only that video.

PAZ: I read so much Naruto. I just forget that sometimes. Okay, anyway, let's talk about Warriors, I guess. Anyone have anything else to add before the summaries?

JULIAN: Doozy of a chapter chunk.

LIZ: We're going to get to that part in the first summaries, but I gasped out loud at one thing. Just like holding my little ereader phone, just like [gasps].

PAZ: Yes, there is a very dramatic reveal. Although I knew it, so it wasn't as dramatic for me. But glad to hear that first impression reaction. Let's start off with these chapter summaries, breaking off from when Brokenstar's polycule attacks ThunderClan. Chapter 26, Brokenstar attacks ThunderClan. While Fireheart, Yellowfang, the apprentices and the queens fight back, the elders hide away the kits. Cinderpaw goes to join, but Dustpaw forces her to stay back in Yellowfang's den.

Fireheart fights Brokenstar, but is attacked by Clawface. That was the cat who killed Spottedleaf in the last book. Fireheart furiously attacks Clawface, suddenly feeling Spottedleaf's spirit besides him to help avenge her death. Just as Clawface pins him down, Fireheart cries out to Spottedleaf for help. But Graystripe arrives just in time to pull Clawface off, killing him in the process. Graystripe says Bluestar also found bones and recognized Brokenstar's scent, and that she sent him to get Tigerclaw because she thought it was a trap.

Meanwhile, Fireheart sees Frostfur, Dustpaw, and Sandpaw fighting the rogue cats as he looks for Brokenstar. He hears a yowl from Yellowfang's den and rushes in, afraid for Cinderpaw, but sees that Yellowfang has seriously injured Brokenstar instead. Brokenstar loses a life, but not his last, and Fireheart asks why she doesn't finish him off. Yellowfang confesses that Brokenstar is actually her son, and that she loved his father Raggedstar.

LIZ: [gasps]

PAZ: Brokenstar doesn't know she's his mother. They all find out that Yellowfang has injured Brokenstar's eyes badly so that he is blind. Fireheart checks on Cinderpaw, who is fine, but wishes she could have helped in the battle, and she and Yellowfang start tending to Brokenstar. The rogue cats are chased off. Fireheart thanks Graystripe for saving his life and Graystripe tells him he'd give his life for Fireheart. Just bro things.

Bluestar returns. Fireheart explains everything to her, and she praises him. Tigerclaw is also back. Fireheart tells him what happened to Brokenstar, and Yellowfang says she will tend to him until he recovers. Almost everyone is skeptical, but she says it would be wrong to leave him to die or kill him, although she doesn't reveal that he is her son, and Bluestar agrees for now. She says Brokenstar is no longer a clan leader and renames him in a pretty unnecessary fashion. She renames him to Brokentail, I think.

JULIAN: Yep.

PAZ: Chapter 27. After the battle, Fireheart tells Bluestar how Dustpaw and Sandpaw defended the clan from the attack, and that they both deserve to be warriors and she agrees. Dustpaw is surprised, and Sandpaw says it's Fireheart's quick thinking that saved them. They decided to have the naming ceremony that day, and the two new warriors are then named Dustpelt and Sandstorm. Bluestar also thanks Fireheart for his courage. Fireheart says to Sandstorm he's glad they can eat together as warriors now, though is a bit disappointed that he can't eat alone with her.

He goes to bring something to Cinderpaw for dinner, since she wasn't at the naming ceremony. Brokentail is still unconscious. Cinderpaw is depressed, feeling she is a burden to the clan, and Fireheart doesn't even comfort or reassure her again for some reason.

LIZ: [grumbles]

PAZ: Yellowfang says Cinderpaw is a great help to her, though, and they both have a friendly exchange. Fireheart is a little envious of their relationship. It's snowing the next morning. Dustpelt and Sandpaw have returned from the midnight vigil and are asleep. Bluestar tells the rest of the clan that Brokentail will be staying.

She also tells Fireheart that she's worried about him and Graystripe not making up yet, and he and Graystripe should hang out (hunt). Fireheart is hopeful about the idea, but Graystripe is cold to him, accusing Fireheart of doubting his clan loyalty and only wanting to keep an eye on him. He says Fireheart just wants to please Bluestar. They go hunting anyway, and it's super awkward because of trust issues. When they return with freshkill, Brindleface tells Fireheart that Cloudkit and her other kids have gone missing.

Chapter 28, Fireheart tries to find Graystripe to help look for the kits, but can't find him. Sandstorm offers to help instead. It's difficult to track the kits in the blizzard, and Fireheart is worried. He and Sandstorm both decide to head back and get more help, but they notice the voices of the kits before doing so. They find all the kits but Cloudkit by a fallen tree, and one of the kits says he is hunting. Cloudkit shows up, carrying a little vole in his mouth. Fireheart and Sandstorm gather up all the kits and rush back to the camp.

Bluestar scolds the kits, but Cloudkit is defiant and says the clan needed food and that it was his idea. She says that while his intentions were good, he was foolish. Fireheart feels a mixture of pride and worry for Cloudkit because he is skilled but is reckless about the warrior code. Bluestar later tells Fireheart that he needs to teach Cloudkit to respect the warrior code. He agrees but resents the high expectations for such a young kit, and thinks of Graystripe, a clan born warrior who disobeys the code all the time. He also wonders if Cloudkit can really adjust to clan life.

Graystripe returns from hunting, but Fireheart can tell he went to see Silverstream. That night, Fireheart dreams about hunting with a grown up Cloudkit. Spottedleaf also shows up in a dream and warns Fireheart about a battle approaching and to beware of a warrior he can't trust. And that's the first chunk of chapters that we'll be discussing.

JULIAN: God.

LIZ: Damn.

JULIAN: Chapter 26 especially was just like one thing after another. Like very good, but it's just the events start coming and they don't stop coming.

PAZ: Yeah, it has like the big soap opera reveal in the middle of it.

JULIAN: God.

PAZ: Yeah, I mean like half of it's the battle, and then Yellowfang's big reveal.

JULIAN: Which is so good.

LIZ: It really is.

JULIAN: We love to see just a whole fucked up family situation. Very good.

LIZ: Just a mess.

PAZ: Graystripe wishes his forbidden romance had whatever's going on here.

LIZ: Graystripe, you're just dating someone from another high school.

JULIAN: You're no medicine cat in love with your own leader. And then blinding your son.

PAZ: Yeah, your son who doesn't know he's your son.

LIZ: Oh my god.

PAZ: Like I said, some real--

LIZ: I think it was-- yeah.

PAZ: Go ahead.

LIZ: Oh no, I think it's just kind of nicely seeded I think in our previous reading, where she said like she recognized like it was Brokenstar from bones and stuff. But um, I think it was mentioned that like, oh yeah, I was there for their kitting. And it's like, yeah, you sure were.

JULIAN: Oh boy.

LIZ: You were the main participant.

PAZ: Yeah, I think I feel like I remembered in Into the Wild there were some hints, too, although I'd have to go back and find them.

JULIAN: I think there's some like-- I mean, she obviously has really conflicted feelings about Brokenstar in Into the Wild. Which makes it even more fucked up that he kicked her out. She was his mom!

PAZ: Right?

JULIAN: Um, but like, also, I think there's some stuff about her being kind of maternal or like, all the stuff with her and the kits, where she's like, kind of trying to hang out around the kit den, and the queens are really upset about it. And she's like, oh, I get it.

PAZ: Just a nice two book build up.

JULIAN: I love Yellowfang.

PAZ: Me too.

LIZ: She's so good.

PAZ: Also, her being like, this is like divine punishment...

JULIAN: Oof.

PAZ: Very, very, like, it sucks but also very cool. I don't know. Although, I don't know about that, Yellowfang.

LIZ: Yeah, that's... just, I guess we're kind of going back to the ableism from the-- I mean, from the whole series, but also, specifically from the previous reading, uh. It's like--

PAZ: Oh, I wasn't talking about Brokenstar there. I was just talking about her having a fucked up family situation.

LIZ: Oh, okay, sorry.

PAZ: Now she's like, this is what I get. But yeah.

JULIAN: I think her line exactly is like, "my punishment wasn't that like my other two kits died. It was that this one survived." And it's like, oh, geez.

LIZ: Yeah, that's fucked up.

PAZ: StarClan said you can have a real sicko of a child.

JULIAN: StarClan gave you a real Megaboneclan son.

PAZ: Oh God, right. Yeah, but yeah, Liz, the ableism stuff does come back up, if you wanna--

LIZ: That line... it can be-- That line is like very-- I don't want to say... I don't know. I would appreciate it a lot more for the drama of your evil son, your Megaboneclan evil son, if it wasn't for like, right, immediately, like next to this, how they talk so much about like, oh, now he's blind. He can't do anything.

PAZ: I didn't read that line as referring to that. Although--

LIZ: No, no. I don't think that was intentional.

PAZ: The descriptions around his blindness are like, still not great because it's like, oh, he can't do anything now, but I think that line more refers to his actions as a cat person.

LIZ: Yeah, yeah, for sure.

PAZ: Than what has happened.

LIZ: Yeah, it's just--

JULIAN: Yeah, I do wish that like-- oh, go ahead.

LIZ: No, it's just unfortunate that those things are right next to each other. It's like, bad timing, I feel.

JULIAN: I wish that like, I mean, Warrior Cats bingo. I wish that the blindness was handled differently because it's like oh, he's completely not a threat. We can just keep him around and he'll be totally fine. And it's like his vision was not what made him a threat.

LIZ: No.

JULIAN: Like he was a threat because he was extremely persuasive and like, very good at getting people to go along with him. And nothing's happened to that.

LIZ: No.

PAZ: Yeah. And he still has a bunch of lives, so.

JULIAN: Yeah, I did think-- like when the kits disappear, my immediate-- I had forgotten what happened. And my immediate thought was Brokenstar?

PAZ: Yeah, same.

JULIAN: That he had lured them away or something. Which I personally think would have been a good plot point.

LIZ: Would have been a good plot point. I think if that happened, though, we would have been like, okay, I guess we have an-- you made an evil disabled cat kidnap the kits.

JULIAN: Oh, that is bad. Yeah.

PAZ: You can't win either way in Warriors, I guess.

LIZ: Nn.

JULIAN: You're either Cinderpaw and you're sort of a de facto medicine cat and also a burden on the clan. Or you're Brokentail.

PAZ: Yeah, speaking of ableism, there's more bad convos with Cinderpaw.

JULIAN: Ugh.

PAZ: Where she straight up says like, oh, I feel like a burden on the clan. And then Fireheart doesn't really like disagree. Like what the hell?

LIZ: He's interrupted, right? Because Yellowfang starts talking about like oh, actually, you're a great assistant. But you didn't have to write it that way.

JULIAN: Yeah. I also just like... no one talks about the elders or like the queens or like other people who don't hunt for themselves like being burdens on the clan.

LIZ: No.

PAZ: Right?

JULIAN: I don't... where is this coming fr-- I mean, I know where it's coming from. It's coming from the authors. But like it just doesn't make sense with like the way that the cat society has been set up.

PAZ: Absolutely. It's just like a very deeply communal society, and like it is about supporting everyone in the clan. So like you said, the elders don't hunt. So yeah, it just doesn't make sense at all.

LIZ: Yeah. I guess like if you wanted to, I don't think that Warriors Cats currently in this book or possibly later wants to have that conversation necessarily. But if you wanted to, I think it would be pretty easy to have like one clan be more-- like, to be better at this sort of accommodation, and have like-- just for like that black and white kid metaphor, to have like the evil clan be not as good at it, you know?

PAZ: Well, apparently WindClan is doing fine on that front, but it's not portrayed like ThunderClan is deeply ableist, so.

LIZ: No.

PAZ: So it just comes off as a weird like incoherent plot point, when you can have like, one disabled cat in one clan like in a high ranking authority position, and then in another clan, apparently not. And like, for no reason given.

LIZ: WindClan's fine. They're just like, hey, what's up? What the fuck is up with everyone else?

PAZ: Yeah, we'll talk more about that later. WindClan really needs to like, move and then stop dealing with all this bullshit. And then there's that weird renaming thing too.

JULIAN: Yeah. Nothing's wrong with-- is something wrong with his tail?

PAZ: I don't know.

LIZ: No, I don't think so.

PAZ: I was like, was that-- I couldn't tell if that used to be his name. And she's just like, you going back to that name. Or, I don't know.

JULIAN: Oh, Brokentail was his original warrior name.

PAZ: Yeah, that's what I read it as.

LIZ: Oh.

PAZ: But once again, weird names.

LIZ: I think it's just because like, oh, someone else is reverting it for him, not...

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Oh.

LIZ: It's not even really like, yeah.

JULIAN: Jesus. Yellowfang named him, A.

LIZ: Yellowfang!

JULIAN: Like she named him Brokenkit.

PAZ: Oh no.

LIZ: Why?

JULIAN: "After the bend in his tail as well as the feeling Yellowfang felt in her heart at the time of his birth."

PAZ: Oh my god. Damn.

LIZ: Fucking, move over, Lan Wangji.

[everyone cackling]

PAZ: [muffled] Ohhh. I probably just blew out the audio so much.

JULIAN: I also did. Oh no.

PAZ: A little joke for our Untamed fans out there.

LIZ: Untamed didn't know shit.

PAZ: Untamed wants what Warriors has.

LIZ: Why not just call him like--

PAZ: Mistakekit.

LIZ: Bendytail or something-- no! Just Wiggletail or something. Wavetail.

PAZ: Wiggletail, that's great.

JULIAN: Aw.

PAZ: Also, it's beginning to thunderstorm pretty hard here. Hopefully I don't lose power but--

JULIAN: Oh no.

PAZ: Heads up.

LIZ: It's ThunderClan. They're coming.

JULIAN: Well, I guess that's what we got Craig for.

PAZ: Yeah, hopefully Craig works. Fingers crossed.

JULIAN: In non-Brokenstar related news, the bit about where Graystripe saves Fireheart, and then is like, I would give my life for you, is so romantic?

PAZ: Right? It just came out of nowhere.

LIZ: It's so good.

PAZ: It was deeply romantic.

LIZ: It's just, it's such a good moment. And then, ugh.

JULIAN: It's such a good moment, and then Graystripe fucks up again in the very next chapter.

PAZ: Yeah, he had one moment of being decent, and then he's back to being a fool.

LIZ: Yeah. I do like seeing that push-pull of conflict there, because that's, you know, that's the whole crux of Fireheart being unsure. And I mean, it also makes Graystripe feel like, oh yeah, this is the friend that will die for me. But is he gonna pick me up from the airport? No.

PAZ: Yeah, it's like in the moment, yeah, he is like on top of it, but then when Fireheart confronts him later, he gets all like, pissy and evasive again.

JULIAN: Fireheart doesn't even confront him. He's just like hey, do you want to go hunting? And Graystripe is like, are you making sure I don't disappear again? And just like, and then Graystripe tries to play like he would have saved any clan cat's life, and he also would have told any clan cat that he would die for them.

PAZ: No biggie.

LIZ: Uh-huh, sure.

PAZ: Just clan things.

LIZ: Just clan things.

JULIAN: Sort out your shit, Graystripe

LIZ: I mean, also has-- there has to be someone out there who's written the like Fireheart like 500 word thing where he's wondering like, mm, why do I care so much about my best friend dating someone else? Clan loyalty aside. Wow, him being mean to me sure is very, very, very, very effective to me. Just bro things.

JULIAN: Just bro things.

LIZ: Just bro things.

PAZ: Yeah, don't worry about it.

LIZ: I don't care, except I do, a lot.

[rain clattering]

JULIAN: I am pulling up--

PAZ: It is storming.

JULIAN: Warrior Cats, the, um.

PAZ: What are you pulling up? Should I wait?

JULIAN: I'm pulling up Archive of--

PAZ: Oh yes.

JULIAN: I'm pulling up Ao3. Don't worry.

PAZ: No, I will wait to hear the statistics.

JULIAN: Oh, what did I-- I did this... How did I do this wrong?

PAZ: This is like a summer thunderstorm. So it'll probably be over in like half an hour. But I hope in that half an hour I don't lose power.

LIZ: Wild. Oh no.

JULIAN: What? There's only five fics?

PAZ: That can't be right.

LIZ: What?!

PAZ: No.

LIZ: No.

JULIAN: There's more Fireheart/Onewhisker than there is Fireheart/Graystripe.

PAZ: Did you just type the tag wrong? I refuse to believe that. I see so much fanart.

LIZ: Okay, I have a lot of respect for the former, but the latter just has the privilege of much more screentime.

JULIAN: Oh, I did it wrong. I did it wrong.

PAZ: Yeah. Okay. I'm like no, this is way more popular than that. There's AMVs for it. Look, listen.

JULIAN: Yeah, we've got 32.

PAZ: That's, you know. I feel like a lot of Warriors fic is-- was on fanfic.net, so.

JULIAN: Right. I also feel like a lot of people are writing like for canonical ships with Graystripe specifically, and also Fireheart, but.

PAZ: Yeah, but I know it is a popular pairing. For good reason.

LIZ: How many? How many are there with the correct tag?

JULIAN: There's only 32.

LIZ: That's a pretty decent amount for something that's probably not mainly on Ao3, and at this point pretty old. I don't know, what's not to love? You have friends to enemies to friends?

JULIAN: I mean, again, though, there are 25 Fireheart/Onewhisker fics.

PAZ: Listen, we got to ring the Fireheart/Onewhisker alarm bells again, because it comes up.

JULIAN: It really does.

PAZ: I think people are onto something, I'm just saying.

LIZ: Yeah, listen.

PAZ: But we'll get to that.

LIZ: We're putting a pin in that for later in the episode.

PAZ: Yes, but our--

JULIAN: I did like-- we're skipping around a little bit, or I'm skipping around a little bit. I did think that the discussion that the clan has about whether to keep Brokentail around is like... I thought that was interesting, even if there is some ableism in the way that they're like oh, he's not a threat anymore. But particularly in terms of like Fireheart feeling conflicted about how much he wants Brokentail to just be dead.

PAZ: And like the reason he stays is this like morality thing of like sending him off to die-- because apparently that's what happens if you're blind. Thanks Warriors-- in the forest is like.

LIZ: Not like there's-- oh my god.

PAZ: Yeah, but it's--

LIZ: It's not like there's no blind animals, or anything.

PAZ: I know. It's stupid.

LIZ: Ugh.

PAZ: But yeah, yeah, it's an interesting display of clan conflict management internally. I do want to note, it almost felt like Brokentail in the camp was less contentious than keeping Cloudkit, which is very funny to me.

JULIAN: God. No, you're right. It was less contentious.

PAZ: Right? There's no reason that keeping a dangerous ex-leader should be solved quicker than deciding to keep a small fluffy kitten.

JULIAN: Yeah.

LIZ: A kitten who's like--

JULIAN: Kittens eat less, for one thing.

LIZ: A kitten from, what they consider like the most least threatening place possible, which is like a pet, right? It's like do we keep this pet, who is a baby, or a war criminal?

PAZ: Yeah, there were like multiple people being like, saying like, we need to throw this child out into the woods to die. And it was like--

LIZ: We need to Victorian style expose this child.

PAZ: And there was only one quickly solved objection to keeping Brokentail.

JULIAN: God.

PAZ: On that topic, I also want to note that everyone was being like, Cloudkit's stupid because he has white fur in the previous set of readings. And then in this reading, it talks about how Frostfur has white fur. I was like, what is going on?

LIZ: Wait, so, so while they were saying that, do we just not see Frostfur being like, oh, I see how it is. Fucking bitches. Fucking babysit your own kids then.

PAZ: I feel like in this set of readings it points out her white fur like twice.

JULIAN: Like that's why she's named that.

LIZ: Yeah. She's not called Treefur. It's Frostfur.

PAZ: Oh my God.

JULIAN: God.

LIZ: They are cats. It's the limited object permanence thing. They're gonna talk shit, and they're gonna turn around and be like, oh, Frostfur, I'm so sorry. I do not mean you. Nothing but respect for-- nothing but respect for my queens.

JULIAN: Oh.

PAZ: Oh my gosh.

JULIAN: Well, I mean, in the next chapter, we do discover that Cloudkit is in fact very good at being a warrior.

PAZ: Yes, I love Cloudkit. He's so cute.

LIZ: He's just a little baby.

PAZ: And he makes bad little kid decisions, which is just cuter.

JULIAN: Yeah, he just wants to be a good part of the clan.

PAZ: I know.

LIZ: He's like, I will go grocery shopping in a blizzard.

JULIAN: Cloudkit coming back with two onions and a potato.

LIZ: Listen, that's like, what? Two latkes. I don't know. That's a lot of onion though. Two really big ones, onion heavy.

JULIAN: I do have a note about that this is what cat racism does. Because I do wonder like, obviously Cloudkit is like, his desire to like, prove himself is very cute. But I also wonder how much of it is him being like, well, if everyone's gonna say that I'm like, not fit to be a warrior, because I know they-- like he can hear them. How much of this is like him trying to prove that he can help provide for the clan?

PAZ: Yeah, I definitely think that's what's happening.

LIZ: Which is also sad.

JULIAN: Yeah, he's just a baby.

PAZ: Apparently, his siblings like him enough to go out into the blizzard with him, though, so there's that.

LIZ: I don't know how, like, their relationship is gonna turn out, or even if it's gonna be explored very much. But I do like the idea of like, here's my extremely extroverted sibling who at the age of baby just hunted a whole animal. And like the other siblings just like, oh, we're introverts or whatever.

JULIAN: Yeah, isn't he like four weeks old or something at this point?

PAZ: It's something like that. Maybe six weeks, I don't know.

LIZ: Just imagine the shape of this, the shape of this small baby.

PAZ: He's too small. I can't protect him.

JULIAN: And like I understand why Bluestar is very pissed, because it is bad if your kits wander out, um, but also like her being like, oh, it's against the warrior code. It's like where?

PAZ: Yeah, what? Where?

LIZ: They're babies. I don't think they know yet.

JULIAN: Point it out to me. Like, at what age are kits responsible for knowing the warrior code?

PAZ: Yeah, how--

JULIAN: Do they go to school?

PAZ: Do they?

LIZ: Are you teaching them ethics? They don't get any teachers besides basically PE coaches by the age of like 12.

PAZ: Yeah, I feel like you learn the warrior code when you're an apprentice.

JULIAN: Like are the queens supposed to be teaching them this in the nursery?

LIZ: The queens have degrees in ethics. They are teaching them right now. You just don't see it.

PAZ: Is this like child labor laws in the warrior code?

JULIAN: Kits cannot work in the mills.

LIZ: I don't care how tiny your beans are.

PAZ: Your paws may be able to reach between these-- I don't know-- twigs, but not allowed.

JULIAN: I just like, this isn't like-- not to make another Untamed reference-- but this isn't like, the warrior code is not like the fucking Lan clan rules that are up on a rock for everyone to look at.

PAZ: Maybe they are. It just hasn't mentioned it.

LIZ: It just seems like--

JULIAN: The cats have been able to read and write this whole time.

LIZ: They just don't want to cause they're all stupid jocks. But yeah, it just seems to be a general consensus thing that when you-- like if you break them and you're an adult, you get attacked. You get in a fight.

PAZ: Yeah, I don't even know.

LIZ: I don't know how much like, do they get like trials? I don't think? I don't remember.

PAZ: I have no fucking idea.

JULIAN: It's also interesting that like Fireheart is specifically like, oh, Graystripe broke the warrior code and like you didn't say shit about him.

PAZ: Yes, I love that line.

JULIAN: Which is very good. But also like he doesn't mention Yellowfang, who definitely broke the warrior code.

LIZ: Well, Fireheart respects girlbosses.

PAZ: She did that a long time ago.

JULIAN: Yeah, that's true.

PAZ: Yeah. But I want to read that sentence because it was really good. "Fireheart swallowed a pang of resentment as he thought of how shamelessly Graystripe, a clanborn cat, was disobeying the warrior code." Get his ass.

JULIAN: Shameless. Graystripe, you hussy.

LIZ: It's also a good little like, like that expression of actual anger against Bluestar for once, it's a good like-- it's a pretty clear way of showing that like, oh wow, it sucks to get like microaggressed. No?

PAZ: Yeah, and the fact that it's not just Fireheart being constantly microaggressed now too. It's like someone he cares about also going through it, I think is definitely--

LIZ: Who's a baby.

JULIAN: Who's a baby! Sorry, I do have a note about, are kittypets the model minority?

LIZ: Oh God.

JULIAN: Which is half a joke and half a like, you know, it does seem like they have to work twice as hard. Or like it's setting that up.

PAZ: Yeah, I don't remember what happens with Cloudkit's arc but if I-- I mean, I don't know because I never read it. But if I had to guess, it's probably gonna be that

JULIAN: Yeah, I super unfortunately do not remember and also did not register it when I read these books at age like 8, 11, somewhere in there, but.

LIZ: Well, I have the gift of prophecy as we know from the finale of our last book, so I'm gonna say that Cloudkit grows up to be like Cloudclaw.

PAZ: Whoa.

LIZ: Very fierce. Yeah. And he's like love some of you guys, hate the rest of you guys because you're extremely xenophobic. I'm out because I am an adult now. Going to found my own clan called Megaboneclan, only if you're hardcore. And not gonna be xenophobic to everyone. Can you come in? Yep, peace. I'm out. Uncle Fireheart, I'll FaceTime you later. Okay, bye.

PAZ: Okay, well, can't wait for that arc.

JULIAN: Perfect.

PAZ: I guess in conjunction with the Cloudkit stuff is like the scenes Fireheart gets with Sandstorm, which are good. I do love and also like, holy shit that it had to take Fireheart straight up saying to Bluestar, like, they should really be like warriors now for that to happen.

JULIAN: Yeah, Bluestar, do your job.

LIZ: I wondered if like how long it was taking was actually like going to be a plot point. But it just seems to be like oh, she's been busy.

JULIAN: Yeah, I kind of thought that it would end up being a plot point.

PAZ: Yeah, but what--

JULIAN: And I don't know if we'll like hear more about it later.

PAZ: What I know that I thought it could be a plot point in conjunction with hasn't really happened yet. So I don't know. But do you think if Fireheart hadn't said anything they would have been apprentices for another like three months?

LIZ: Oh my god. Sucks. Probably like another few days until the next battle happens, right?

PAZ: I don't even know.

JULIAN: Right? The pace of battles in this book is pretty high.

PAZ: Yeah, this book has way more battles. For sure.

JULIAN: Living up to my mom's nickname of Catfight, the series.

PAZ: I guess it makes sense though. Because now Fireheart is like a warrior and...

JULIAN: Right.

PAZ: Going into battle.

LIZ: I'm just, there's so many of them happening. Just imagine the noise of this book like if it was a movie. It would just be like, you know, when you hear cats fight in the alley at night, but like times 100.

JULIAN: Imagining that in surround sound. Incredible.

LIZ: 3D.

PAZ: I just keep thinking about how Harper Collins said no-- or like some of the mods said no violence on the official forums. Like, have you read the book?

JULIAN: Book two we get like, spine biting.

LIZ: God.

PAZ: Yeah. Graystripe finally kills someone. Like--

LIZ: On purpose?

PAZ: --I guess, on purpose directly. He has a high body count prior, as we know, but yeah, I guess he's killed someone before Fireheart has now, like in battle.

JULIAN: Yeah, has Fireheart actually killed anyone?

PAZ: No, I don't think so.

LIZ: I don't think so. He gets close a lot of times. And I'm getting some--

JULIAN: Right, his morals.

LIZ: Yeah, we're getting some conflicts about how like, it's like part of the warrior code is, you know, non lethal damage, apparently.

PAZ: But then no one cares that-- I don't even know. I don't know, because nobody really cares, like Graystripe killed Clawface or whatever. But I guess they were also rogues.

LIZ: Yeah, I don't know.

JULIAN: Is it like, you're only supposed to do non lethal damage to another clan cat?

PAZ: Geez. The implications of that.

LIZ: Interesting.

JULIAN: I'm so iffy on like, what the warrior code says, and also like, what the code of ethics in battle specifically is because like, there was that whole big deal in book one about how bad it was that like that like Redtail killed Oakheart or whatever. And then, in book two it's just like, yeah, you can kill whoever the fuck you want.

PAZ: Yeah, I don't. I have no idea.

JULIAN: I do wonder a little bit if there's anything thematic with the kind of breakdown, I guess, of the warrior code. Because it's like, also definitely against the warrior code to-- which we'll talk about more when we talk about like chapters 29 and 30. But like, definitely against the warrior code to team up with another clan and like attack people.

LIZ: Yeah, I feel like it could be leading up to that. And probably like in a future thing, like the younger generation could be like, this part of the warrior code sucks. We need to reform it and not really question it beyond that.

PAZ: Yeah, I have no idea.

LIZ: Yep, no idea.

PAZ: But that would make sense if it leads up to something like that.

LIZ: Um.

PAZ: Oh, go ahead.

LIZ: No, just wondering where we should go from here, if we're--

PAZ: I have the--

LIZ: If we've covered everything?

PAZ: The last thing is that the Spottedleaf stuff comes back very suddenly.

LIZ: Oh, yeah. Oh my god.

JULIAN: Yeah, it's really out of nowhere.

PAZ: I like legit forgot about her.

LIZ: Yeah, cause it's been like a whole book.

JULIAN: It's been a book and like, Fireheart hasn't thought about her once.

LIZ: No.

JULIAN: Like, I get he's been busy. He's had a lot on his mind. But like, for it to be like, oh, and here she is, like, helping him in battle and appearing to him in a dream. And it's like, yeah, hey, you could have like, dropped a hint about this earlier in the book.

LIZ: Absolutely.

JULIAN: Like maybe he feels a little sad to go to the medicine cat den to see Cinderpaw and be like, yeah, I love Yellowfang but damn, I miss Spottedleaf. You know, just a little something something.

LIZ: Yeah. And without that, it just ends up being really clumsy and not almost funny. Very funny.

PAZ: Very funny, too, because she's described like in a weird...

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: This is the sexy she-cat way.

LIZ: No one else gets treated like this.

PAZ: It's like her sweet scent, her soft pink nose. Like what is going on?

JULIAN: Not even Sandstorm, who's definitely getting the romance, like lead up is getting this kind of treatment. And it's like, what's happening?

PAZ: Yeah. It's so funny because it's literally only with her.

JULIAN: This is where I do admit that like me in fourth and fifth grade had a big old crush on Spottedleaf.

PAZ: I can't blame you.

JULIAN: And now I'm reading this book, and I'm like--

LIZ: It was shaped by that. This was written--

JULIAN: --where was this? Like, where did this come from?

PAZ: It's so weird. I don't know if they were like, we're just gonna be consistent with the writing from the first book.

LIZ: You didn't need to be. It's been a book. We wouldn't have remembered. I don't think you need to be able--

JULIAN: Well, it's also--

LIZ: No, go ahead.

JULIAN: Go ahead.

LIZ: No, if she's like a spirit, you don't have to smell her. I don't know.

PAZ: How are we supposed to know she's hot otherwise, Liz?

LIZ: Just talk about her like spots. That's what her name is. Her beautiful spots that remind me of a leaf.

JULIAN: It's also so weird that like all of this stuff, like all of their interactions, like the way that they like touch or whatever is like weirdly sensual, but like the rest of the cats are like, you know, licking and like... in like very nonsensual ways. Like when Sandstorm and Dustpelt become warriors, they lick Bluestar, and it's totally normal. It's treated as completely normal.

LIZ: Yeah, cause it's cat stuff.

JULIAN: Cause that's what cats do. But suddenly, when Spottedleaf is doing the licking, it's like ooooooh.

PAZ: I'm not even angry about it because it's hilarious.

LIZ: God, and we did mention Sandstorm being set up for the romantic interest thing. And it's like, putting those these side by side, there's such a comical difference. She's just like a normal person. She doesn't have a weird smell. I don't even know if we have a flattering description of her that isn't just normal.

PAZ: I mean, like the flattering descriptions of her are like she's really good at fighting.

LIZ: Yeah, and it's like that's nice. Like for a kids romance? Yeah. Kids book romance. Talk about how cool she is instead of what she smells like. What does she smell like? She's a cat.

PAZ: They're really struggling how to write this cat romance. Even though I think they figured it out with Sandstorm. I don't know why...

JULIAN: Well, you know, she smells like pine, mouse, and something uniquely Sandstorm.

PAZ: You mean Spottedleaf? Or wait.

JULIAN: Or Spottedleaf.

LIZ: God.

PAZ: So fucking funny. That's my new Etsy soap scent.

LIZ: Oh, I'm sorry. We have to take a break for a second for a very crucial search.

PAZ: Oh god.

JULIAN: Oh, I wonder if there are any-- while you do your search, I'm going to do mine.

LIZ: Well, it's a-- oh no. It's just soap shaped like cats.

PAZ: Damn.

JULIAN: Damn.

LIZ: I'm so disappointed.

JULIAN: I wanted to look to see if there were any Warrior Cats teas.

LIZ: Oh you're so right.

JULIAN: On that tea site that does the fandom teas. And great news, there are.

PAZ: Oh thank god.

LIZ: [claps] Yes.

JULIAN: They spelled Graystripe's name wrong, though.

LIZ: Is there a dash in between? Maybe it's a character development thing.

JULIAN: Oh, what's Bluestar's tea? Snowbud, white peony, and white blueberry, accented with coconut. That sounds bad.

PAZ: I don't know much about tea. But yeah.

LIZ: When have these British cats ever fucking even seen a coconut?

JULIAN: Oh, here's Ravenpaw, "a calming blend in honor of a nervous apprentice. Includes caramel, decaf vanilla, and mocha nut mate, accented with cocoa nibs."

LIZ: Decaf vanilla.

PAZ: That sounds okay. I think that's it for the first chunk.

JULIAN: Yep.

LIZ: I think so.

PAZ: Okay, well, I will go on to the summaries for the last two chapters. Okay, Chapter 29. The next day, Fireheart can't stop thinking about Spottedleaf's warning and her unique scent and Graystripe's loyalty. The snow has stopped. But Onewhisker from WindClan runs into the camp begging for help because RiverClan and ThunderClan are attacking WindClan.

LIZ: Oh.

PAZ: Bluestar gathers--

LIZ: Sorry, typo on my part. It's ShadowClan.

PAZ: Fuck. Yeah, okay. The snow has stopped, but Onewhisker from WindClan runs into the camp begging for help because RiverClan and ShadowClan are attacking WindClan. Bluestar gathers the clan and says they must help. There is little protest, but Tigerclaw steps in and says he agrees with Bluestar because ShadowClan and RiverClan might attack ThunderClan next. Yellowfang says Bluestar should remain at camp because of her health and Firestar-- bleagh. Fireheart knows it's also because of her last life.

Bluestar tells Tigerclaw to lead the attack parties. Whitestorm takes one party and Tigerclaw gathers warriors for the other, including Fireheart and Onewhisker. You know. Graystripe is with the other party, and Fireheart knows he'll have to choose sides now.

Soon after they leave, Willowpelt says they're being followed, but it turns out to be Cloudkit and Brindleface's kits again. Tigerclaw tests Fireheart's loyalty and says to deal with it, and Fireheart just asks Brackenpaw to take the kits home. Cloudkit protests, but Fireheart promises they'll fight together someday, ignoring the other warriors. Tigerclaw tells Fireheart to lead them to WindClan since he knows the way, and since he probably doesn't trust Onewhisker. Graystripe also knows the way but is too miserable to help. They arrive at the camp, where the battle is already taking place.

Chapter 30. At the battle, WindClan is totally outnumbered by ShadowClan and RiverClan. ThunderClan attacks and more enemy parties show up. As Fireheart battles a RiverClan cat, Onewhisker ends up finishing the fight for him. Fireheart in a totally normal bro way notices the fire in Onewhisker's eyes. In the middle of the battle, Fireheart sees a RiverClan cat about to attack Graystripe and wonders if he'll fight back. But he attacks a ShadowClan cat instead.

Tigerclaw calls out for Fireheart, who tries to get to him, but is attacked by a RiverClan cat, Leopardfur, who is RiverClan's deputy, who he'd met at the gorge where Whiteclaw died. Fireheart calls out to Tigerclaw for help, but he just watches. Fireheart is so angry that he can flip Leopardfur off. He and Tigerclaw give each other the stink eye before returning the battle.

While Fireheart fights a RiverClan cat, he is attacked by Silverstream. As she is about to claw him, Graystripe's voice stops her. Fireheart instinctively attacks when she backs down, but sees Graystripe watching and can't bring himself to hurt Silverstream. She slips away, and Fireheart sees Darkstripe watching him. ShadowClan is eventually driven off, leaving RiverClan alone Fireheart sees Tigerclaw tackle the ShadowClan leader, Crookedstar, going for his neck. He doesn't kill Crookedstar, but ends the battle, and they flee.

Fireheart wonders briefly about Spottedleaf's prophecy about how fire will save the clan. He also thinks about Spottedleaf's warning about warriors he can't trust and finally realizes that that meant Tigerclaw, the guy who loves murder and he knows did at least one murder, and not Graystripe. Tigerclaw confronts Fireheart about letting Silverstream escape, and Fireheart asks if he wanted him to kill her. Tigerclaw also makes insinuations about Graystripe's loyalty, and they both see him return, presumably from checking on Silverstream. When he leaves, Graystripe and Fireheart finally talk about his conflicted feelings, and Fireheart promises he will always be Graystripe's friend. And that is the end of the book.

LIZ: My god.

JULIAN: Action-packed chapters.

PAZ: So much happens. Man, WindClan is literally just minding their own business.

LIZ: It feels like WindClan is like 10 people, and they're just like oh God. Should we move back?

PAZ: Leave them alone. I'm like extra defensive of them because they're my favorite clan, but like what?

JULIAN: Literally, they're just vibing.

PAZ: Yeah, at the gathering, Tallstar was like, y'all are freaks. We're leaving, bye.

LIZ: Do you think they went in going like, Gee, I wonder what everyone else is doing? It sure is great that we solve that whole clan being driven out thing. Let's go see our good friends who helped us. Oh, okay. Mm.

JULIAN: I also don't understand like, just from setting aside morals, as we do in the Warrior Cats books. And from a purely like, you know, political/logistical perspective, why would they go after WindClan who has like two rabbits and not ThunderClan?

PAZ: I have no idea. I assume in the next book we'll find out why the fuck they did that, but.

JULIAN: Like I guess it is like, they're easier targets, but like, it just doesn't seem worth it.

PAZ: Yeah, I think on the way to WindClan's camp, Fireheart notes like there is fucking nothing here.

JULIAN: Like their camp is like a slight hollow in the moor. It's a bunch of gorse.

LIZ: And that's an improvement from the sewer.

JULIAN: Like this is not going to solve RiverClan's food problem.

LIZ: No.

PAZ: No, they can't even catch the rabbits, as we learned in the beginning of the book.

JULIAN: It is very-- the Fireheart/Onewhisker content in these chapters is extremely good

PAZ: It's real. I was doubting it when it first came up from whatever we were searching that.

JULIAN: Yeah, no, I thought it was kind of a crack ship.

PAZ: No.

JULIAN: But no, I'm on board.

PAZ: I'm on board too.

LIZ: If their clans keep consorting, you never know. Maybe in book 3, the political marriage of convenience will be real.

PAZ: Yeah, can't rule it out.

LIZ: Yeah. No.

JULIAN: Like, they're battle husbands.

PAZ: Yeah, I can't remember. Did Onewhisker jump in to get a cat off Fireheart or help him or something?

LIZ: Yeah, yeah. I also didn't put it in the summary. But there's a part where like, I think Tigerclaw is asking, like, what Onewhisker's name is, and Onewhisker is so intimidated that Fireheart just does it for him.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Yeah, it's really good.

PAZ: It's good. I hope we keep seeing content for them. I feel like I remember vaguely the Onewhisker arc. Can't be sure though.

JULIAN: Yeah. My note for the beginning of chapter 29 is just, Fireheart, go help your boyfriend. It is interesting. Like, Tigerclaw is right for once, even if it's just because he wants to fight and kill. So it does make him slightly more complex as a villain that he's like--

PAZ: I feel like he's been right a lot. Multiple times in this book.

JULIAN: Yeah, no, you're right.

LIZ: It's so interesting to me because for a lot of the times, Fireheart is agreeing with him.

PAZ: Yeah. And it kind of almost points it out or, like, comes back to it in this chapter about how like, it has made Fireheart forget that like, wait, he's a horrible murderer. But Fireheart remembers that when Tigerclaw tries to murder him. Got a little refresher.

LIZ: That's all it took.

JULIAN: Tigerclaw at it again.

PAZ: Tigerclaw, he really tries to murder indirectly so much. His success rate is not great. But God, is he trying.

LIZ: A for effort.

JULIAN: Um, like a little bit before that, we do get some kind of setting up their conflict when Tigerclaw is like shitty to Fireheart about Cloudkit trying to follow them out. Like, when Fireheart has Brackenpaw send Cloudkit and the other kits back, Tigerclaw is like, "Oh, I didn't think you'd be so keen to fight this battle." And it's like, why would he not? He likes WindClan. But then the-- "Fireheart stared at Tigerclaw and felt the blood pulse through him so his whole body throbbed with rage. 'If only you were keen too,' he retorted, 'you'd give the battle cry instead of keeping us here while WindClan warriors die.'"

LIZ: Get him.

JULIAN: Like right in front of everybody.

PAZ: Yeah, that was a really good scene.

LIZ: Very cathartic.

PAZ: Yeah, I do love Fireheart like, standing up to him.

JULIAN: Yeah, it's good. I do wonder if Tigerclaw would have been so eager to let him die if he hadn't.

PAZ: I feel like Tigerclaw's consistently not liked him, though. So.

JULIAN: That's true.

PAZ: And also I think Tigerclaw's pretty sure like Fireheart knows or something.

JULIAN: Right, I forgot about the whole Ravenpaw situation.

LIZ: He's also made a lot of like insinuations about Fireheart's loyalty specifically when RiverClan comes up, and I wonder if there's like, if he thinks something else about what happened there, or if he's mistaking, like, I don't know, Fireheart for being like the spy or something that RiverClan talked about. Cause he's like--

PAZ: I feel like he knows it's Graystripe, though.

LIZ: Yeah, like by the end, I think that's it, but I don't know. Maybe it's just like, themes.

JULIAN: Yeah, definitely. He's definitely like making a lot of insinuations. He loves-- he loves to do murder and he loves to insinuate.

LIZ: It's very fun to read.

PAZ: Yeah, I'm excited for that conflict to continue. Tigerclaw is such a good fun villain.

LIZ: Yeah, I can't believe they didn't get him, though. By the end of this book.

JULIAN: I know. The moment, where like, he's just standing there watching Fireheart get like his belly clawed is so good.

LIZ: Yeah, it's a great, like, the way the scene is written is really good.

JULIAN: Like, in general, the battle scenes are like, you know, very well written. I understand why all of the RPs were like 90% battle scenes by volume.

LIZ: They're very good action scenes.

JULIAN: Yeah, which is hard to write.

LIZ: Yeah, they're cut, like, cut through with like these, I guess bullet time like, personal character conflicts that like really give it a little extra flavor, so it's not like a slog. It's like, so much stuff is happening now. I have to deal with this? Oh, boy. In a good way.

JULIAN: Yeah, no, they do a good job of making the fight scenes also deal with like character's emotional arcs.

PAZ: Yeah, it's like the fight scenes are used to, like drive the personal plots forward, I feel like. Gotta say, though, Fireheart taking Spottedleaf's warning to be not clearly about Tigerclaw. I was like, Oh my god.

LIZ: Oh my God.

JULIAN: I mean, I gotta say, I wasn't sure it was about Tigerclaw because I had also been lulled into a false sense of security by Tigerclaw being mostly normal.

PAZ: Oh, I was like--

JULIAN: Throughout this book.

PAZ: I was like, it's fucking Tigerclaw.

JULIAN: I thought it might be Onewhisker like for a little bit.

PAZ: No.

JULIAN: Because there's a portion in the book where like Tigerclaw seems to doubt that Onewhisker will lead them to the camp. And I was like, Oh shit, is it a trap?

PAZ: I have no doubt about Onewhisker.

JULIAN: I doubted him.

PAZ: Oh my gosh.

LIZ: That would have been very tasty, though. Just like, my good friend, who I saved, who seems to be an upstanding young gentleman? Oh, the betrayal. What are these conflicted feelings I have? I won't think about them. Except I will.

PAZ: No, I also was just like I didn't suspect it because I'm like WindClan is just staying in their lane. Like, why would they fake this?

LIZ: If we want to go full AU, it could be like oh, WindClan was like, had their hand forced, and now all the three clans, two willingly, are converging on ThunderClan. But that's-- I don't know. That's just, it's not as interesting to me.

PAZ: No.

JULIAN: Yeah, no, I was fully as dumb as Fireheart, despite having read this book before.

PAZ: Okay, Fireheart gets a pass, then.

LIZ: Fireheart speaks to a certain little dumb cell in all our brains at some point. That's why he's so relatable. And also, it's like you said, Tigerclaw is being so normal throughout most of the book. He did just become mean teacher again, instead of like, evil war criminal.

JULIAN: He was saving it up for the last two chapters.

LIZ: It's his ult.

PAZ: Gotta press Q for Tigerclaw.

LIZ: Press Q for war crime.

PAZ: Oh my gosh.

JULIAN: The bit with like Silverstream and Graystripe is, you know, there it is.

PAZ: Yeah, Graystripe sure is gonna keep causing problems, huh?

LIZ: Mm-hmm. It's like, I'm not mad that it's happening, but we haven't seen anything of them. So it's just like a plot point rather than any investment, which is kind of what it's for, I guess.

PAZ: Yeah, I don't think we're like, we're not supposed to sympathize with Graystripe. So probably why it's not super shown.

LIZ: No.

PAZ: I mean, like, not completely sympathize.

JULIAN: We're not supposed to. That doesn't stop like most of the fandom.

PAZ: Oh no.

JULIAN: At least like what I-- I'm sure that there were like, opposing camps. But what I saw of it was very much like Graystripe did nothing wrong.

PAZ: Well, I'm here to say in 2021, Graystripe did a lot of things wrong.

JULIAN: Because we were all 12 and thought that being in love meant you didn't have any responsibilities.

LIZ: And you know, at 12, you're allowed to do that. Go on.

PAZ: I'm sure it'll all end fine.

JULIAN: Definitely, definitely nothing will go wrong. I do have a note.

LIZ: Yeah, absolutely.

JULIAN: There's a moment where, like, Tigerclaw is attacking Crookedstar, the RiverClan leader. And like, he like bites Crookedstar's neck. And then there's a moment that it's like, "Crookedstar's pained screech told Fireheart that Tigerclaw had missed the spine." And it's like, oh geez.

LIZ: Jesus.

PAZ: These cats are fucking each other up.

JULIAN: Tigerclaw loves to try to kill leaders.

PAZ: I read that as him like purposely not killing him. But.

JULIAN: No, I think you're right.

PAZ: You know? He's probably really considering it.

LIZ: Mm hmm. If it was just like--

JULIAN: He doesn't get to do any murders.

LIZ: Yeah. Okay, I'm looking at the summary here. I didn't really write much about the prophecy because the summary's already pretty long. But we should probably recap because I think that was way from the beginning of the book, if not further back.

PAZ: The fire prophecy?

LIZ: Yeah, it's like how fire will save ThunderClan.

PAZ: Yeah, that's from the first book, but I think it was reiterated at the top in this book.

LIZ: Yes, so I think Fireheart thinks that fire refers to Tallstar, who just looks so cool and handsome in the sunlight. And then he's like, is it? Is it really him though? Because WindClan is doing so bad. So Fireheart, our protagonist, who's orange, is like, I got to think about this. That's it.

PAZ: He has a lot of other things on his mind.

JULIAN: He's a sweet boy.

PAZ: He doesn't know yet he's the protagonist.

LIZ: That's true. He doesn't have that meta brain, which is better. Fireheart turns to look directly at the reader. What else is there? I guess we could talk about the last scene.

PAZ: Yeah, where like Fireheart and Graystripe kind of make up.

LIZ: Yeah. I think it's sweet.

JULIAN: Yeah.

PAZ: Yeah, it was sweet.

JULIAN: It's like a pretty abrupt ending, I feel like.

LIZ: Mm-hmm.

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: How did the last one end? Like the last book, I don't quite remember.

PAZ: I feel like it was them being made warriors, right?

JULIAN: Um, let's see. Yeah, the last scene is them becoming warriors.

PAZ: I mean, like one thing about Fire and Ice, I think, is it had less of an overarching plot. It was like a lot of little plot threads, I feel like, because like we said, Tigerclaw wasn't really being the central villain in it.

JULIAN: Yeah, it definitely feels like it's setting up a lot of stuff for like later books, in a way that-- which makes sense based on what we've read about how the first book was kind of originally supposed to be standalone.

LIZ: Yeah. It's definitely widened like the circle of characters and just places a lot.

PAZ: Yeah, I don't think it's bad. It just like, I guess it would lead to a less decisive ending because it's like, well, a lot of stuff came up, and nothing really got solved yet. So.

JULIAN: Yeah, it is nice to like, wrap up on this Fireheart-Graystripe scene.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: When their conflict/relationship has been such a throughline.

PAZ: Yeah, I do. That's like the major throughline for sure is Fireheart and Graystripe. I mean, on the old version of the cover, that's the little picture is them sitting next to each other.

LIZ: Aw.

PAZ: In front of the moon.

LIZ: Aww.

JULIAN: Yeah, it's a good cover.

PAZ: Yeah, it is.

JULIAN: The original one.

LIZ: I also like seeing the two endings compared to each other because it's like, when they're kids and the ending is them. But you know, they're on good terms. And then when they're a little older, it's still them, but it's much more difficult.

PAZ: Yeah, that's a good mirror ending.

JULIAN: Man, I forgot how much fighting cats is on the cover of the...

PAZ: Yeah, I have. I have my like, old book with the old cover. I think the scene behind them is just the final battle at WindClan.

JULIAN: Yeah, here. I'm going to upload it to the server so you can see it, Liz.

LIZ: Oh, yeah. Wow. I love that.

JULIAN: They're just fighting.

LIZ: I love the background too. It's very, well, evocative of the title, but that's like good color contrast.

JULIAN: Yeah, it's nice.

LIZ: Oh, you guys gotta see the Polish cover for Fire and Ice.

PAZ: Ooh.

JULIAN: Oh, please show us.

LIZ: It is not what you're expecting.

[laughter]

JULIAN: Oop!

PAZ: It's uh, it's Graystripe and Silverstream, I think, being...

JULIAN: They're just, uh--

PAZ: Oh my god, look at Fireheart way in the background.

JULIAN: Wait. Oh no!

[laughter]

PAZ: Just like Graystripe and Silverstream at the front doing a little like cat affectionate headbutt, and then way in the background, very distant, is little orange Fireheart.

LIZ: [wheezing] I'm crying.

JULIAN: The artist for the Polish books was like, they shipped it.

PAZ: Yeah, they fucking did, apparently. They were like, uh...

JULIAN: They were like, Graystripe and Silverstream are in love. Fuck y'all.

LIZ: Listen, Polish cover artist, you follow your heart. They gave Graystripe this very like-- these are-- I want to reiterate the style of this, which is just kind of like normal cats but a little more expressive. Like they made Graystripe look very like, romantic interest, handsome face.

JULIAN: Yeah, this is-- he's got like, luxurious chest fur.

PAZ: Big ol face.

LIZ: It's very funny. [laughing] Fireheart just way in the back. Little speck.

PAZ: Oh god. I don't know if I have anything else to add right now.

JULIAN: Oh, I do really quickly want to-- while we're looking at covers, the simplified Chinese cover is very good.

LIZ: Oh, boy.

PAZ: Oh, I love that.

LIZ: [gasps] Oh wow. Who is that?

JULIAN: It's got-- yeah, it's Fireheart but drawn with the roundest face in the world, kind of emerging from like, between branches above the snow. It's really good colors.

LIZ: This cover gives me the vibe of like those-- when you're like a kid, you read books about animals, but like, they're just regular ones and not like, society ones. And it's about surviving winter.

PAZ: Yeah, that's exactly the vibe.

JULIAN: Yeah, it definitely has the vibe of like, I feel like children's book covers from the 80s were all like-- or like a lot of them were like, painted in a way, like a very specific way. And this gives me those vibes. Strong use of shadow. Anyway.

PAZ: I mean, is that it?

JULIAN: Yeah, I don't have anything else.

PAZ: I still have to decide if we're gonna do like a wrap up episode. I don't know, could be fun. We could read Graystripe hate.

[giggling]

JULIAN: Oh my god.

LIZ: Oh, the one we wrote, you mean?

JULIAN: Oh, it would be fun-- I can like do some digging on the forums and see if I can find any like old discussions of Graystripe/Silverstream.

PAZ: Yeah, that would be great. Um, I don't know if we're gonna do the second segment in this episode because it was pretty long, like set of chapters. And I haven't eaten dinner, so.

JULIAN: Oh, no!

LIZ: We can end it now. I do have one last cover for us to close out with. So this is, according to my very quick google search, is the Fire and Ice UK cover. And--

PAZ: Oh, what?

LIZ: Here it is. [laughing]

PAZ: What is this font?

LIZ: I think one of them is Papyrus.

JULIAN: It's not Papyrus, but it's like a very, like, jokey--

LIZ: It's very close.

JULIAN: Like handwriting font.

PAZ: It's in the Nickelodeon slime color. I want to be clear.

JULIAN: So the top of the cover is just like a very HDR picture of a cat. Just like eyes to nose. I assume it's supposed to be Graystripe. It's a gray cat. Bright yellow eyes. And then against a white background, Warriors: Fire and Ice. In the Nickelodeon slime font. And then in this sort of vaguely Old English font, "friend or foe? One cat must decide." And then a little picture of an icy river.

LIZ: Beautiful.

JULIAN: I love the splash text.

LIZ: [dramatically] "Friend or foe? One cat must decide." And he has to take the whole book.

JULIAN: Cause that's not what's happening.

LIZ: No.

JULIAN: Oh. Also Erin Hunter's name in this is in all lowercase in this font that reminds me very strongly of like--

PAZ: Twilight?

JULIAN: YA romance novels.

PAZ: It reminds me of Twilight somehow.

LIZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Yeah, I think it's the long-- the H has like a really long swoosh to it.

PAZ: The fact that there are three distinct fonts on this cover that in no way match.

JULIAN: Graphic design is our passion.

PAZ: Oh, God.

JULIAN: Wait, if this is the UK cover, were the books published in the-- the writers are British!

PAZ: Maybe, I don't know. It's a special cover.

LIZ: Didn't we cover this? Didn't-- yes. Although it does say this is sourced from Pinterest. So I couldn't tell you.

PAZ: Mm, okay, I don't know.

LIZ: Okay, let me double check.

JULIAN: Let me look at the wiki, because they have all the covers also.

LIZ: [typing] Ice UK. I'm getting conflicting theories here.

PAZ: Oh my gosh.

LIZ: Well, it's beautiful to me regardless. It's real in my heart.

JULIAN: No, I'm seeing it on the wiki as the English language, the UK edition.

PAZ: What happened?

JULIAN: And then there's an alternate version with the US cover, but bad.

PAZ: Oh my god.

LIZ: No.

JULIAN: It's like the US cover but they messed up all the sizes and also desaturated the battle scene so it's like really yellow instead of red. It's bad to look at.

LIZ: Oh yeah, I see it. It's not good.

PAZ: How did they mess up the--

JULIAN: I don't like it. I mean, it's not awful, but it's just like, not as good.

PAZ: Oh, I see it. It's not as good at all.

LIZ: That's like a Photobooth filter. They put a little frame around Fireheart and Graystripe there.

PAZ: Yeah, they went to the photo booth together.

LIZ: Aw, they're making up. Bluestripe. Sorry, Blue, Blueheart. Bluestar. Wow, I went through a lot of them there. Bluestar took them both aside to say, I hate it when you guys fight. I got you tickets to the county fair. Go have fun.

JULIAN: Sorry, I know we're just talking about covers now. I do-- the Japanese version.

PAZ: Oh, yeah. I love all the Japanese covers.

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: Which has Graystripe and Silverstream sitting next to each other but they're drawn. [laughs] They're drawn in just such a style.

PAZ: It's a very fun style. It's not a bad style.

JULIAN: It's very good. No, I love it. It's very charming. Like they're a little cockeyed. It's very folk art-y. And there's like a little red moon? Sun? Question mark? Behind them.

LIZ: Graystripe is extremely fluffy in this one, but he looks very well groomed. Like he just combed himself for his date.

PAZ: He probably did.

JULIAN: He's gotta get smooth. He's gotta get silky.

LIZ: Yeah, if you put this on, like, a dinnerware set, I'd be like, cute.

PAZ: Yeah?

JULIAN: Yeah, I would buy a mug with this on it.

PAZ: But is that is that gonna do for us, you think, for Fire and Ice? Well, for now, maybe.

JULIAN: Yep.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: All right. And as always, you can find the show @staircast on twitter.com. Send in questions, stairwaytostarclan@gmail.com.

JULIAN: Tell us how you feel about Graystripe and Silverstream.

PAZ: Yeah, you know what, maybe write in.

LIZ: Wait.

PAZ: Maybe, maybe, on our maybe book wrap up podcast, we'll get into that.

LIZ: And if you-- while you're on Twitter looking for us, if you want to find a high res-- well, a middle res glossy JPEG of that Silverstream and Graystripe Polish cover in wallpaper size, you totally can. You just have to Google it. And it shows right up. It's like the first result. So for the fans out there, I hope you find it.

PAZ: Well, yeah, I think--

JULIAN: We can also tweet it.

PAZ: We can do that, maybe, if we remember. But I do want to hear everyone's Graystripe thoughts now.

JULIAN: Yeah. Tell us how you feel about everyone's worst friend. Not to bias the audience.

PAZ: We would never. But other than that, that's gonna do it for us. So until next time, may StarClan light your path. Bye.

JULIAN: Bye.

LIZ: Bye.

[outro music]

[fatbottombucky]

The Retailers at Christmas

Summary: you get yourself a Christmas Temp job at Sephora, in a well known shopping mall. Only the thing is, you didn’t expect every shops workers to be so involved with one another, and you didn’t expect to be added to the ‘Retail Workers of Avengers Mall Secret Santa Party’ but… at least you got the job, right? Warnings: This is a modern AU; This is completely for entertainment purposes/ all in humour. I got a retail job and, honestly, most of everything that happens has happened to me. Swearing/ Steve being a creep at times. Characters: Loki (Sephora store manager), Steve Rogers (Art Supply retail worker), Bucky Barnes (Starbucks employee), Scott Lang (Baskins and Robins employee), Natasha Romanoff (New shop opening), Clint Barton (Nick’s Bits & Bobs), Sam Wilson (Sports shop), Pietro Maximoff (sports shop), Thor (Hardware store), Tony Stark (Starks Gadgets), Peter Parker (Apprentice to Stark) & Sharon Carter (The Tea Rooms) Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Reader x Loki // Steve Rogers x Natasha// Sharon Carter x Thor // Bucky Barnes x Reader

Chapter Two: Where the hell does Nat work?

Your P.O.V (I’m still editing this, but wanted chapter two up)

You sighed gently, working in retail wasn’t really what you expected. You knew it would be difficult, extremely tiresome but you didn’t think it would be this hard. You were constantly going back and forth from makeup stands, tidying them up and helping customers, having to deal with horrible people too. Your co-workers aren’t all that much better, except Loki, most were actually extremely bitchy and not that much help in your first week.

A part of you thought this was a mistake, that maybe you should quit this job and try something more suited for your skill set. But another part of you was telling you to stick it out also, to just give it a few more days and weeks, to really give this a chance.

“Hello?” You are pulled out of your thoughts by a customer, an extremely pretty customer. Blonde, long glossy hair and deep green eyes and a kind smile. “Sorry to be a bother but I really need help picking a lipstick colour for my skin tone.” She looked oddly familiar, perhaps you had seen her before?

You gave a slight nod, allowing her to lead you to the Urban Decay stand. “Is there a certain type of shade you’d like?” You asked already eyeing her and then looking at the lipsticks and comparing them to her skin tone.

She gave a gentle sigh almost. “Honestly, it’s not entirely for me. There’s this guy, I think he likes me and I kinda want to make a statement, attract him to my lips? That doesn’t make any sense, does it?” She chuckles at herself, thinking she sounds like an idiot, but you quickly shake your head.

“No, no, it makes sense. You want him to notice you more? But more so that area, just to be sure if he does like you?” You worded it as more of a question, she nodded quickly, grinning and showing off her perfectly white teeth. After swatching shades for her, which took around fifteen minutes, not that you minded because she was actually extremely nice. “I feel like I know you from somewhere, is that crazy?”

“I’m Natalia Romanova, famously Natasha Romanoff to my American fans, a Russian model that has recently made her own clothing brand and makeup.” Your eyes widen, you had been following her on Instagram since… well, since Clint had shown you her underwear photoshoot last year. “Yeah, I’m launching my first store opening in January and wanted to be around for the renovation of it, plus I heard this shopping Mall is one of the best.” Natasha shrugged with one shoulder. “It also explains the uniform,” She gestures to the uniform she is wearing, a pastel blue polo shirt with her logo embroidered in a dark blue, “It’s kinda a prototype, I’m undecided on the colour scheme.”

You nodded for a few seconds. “Wow. This is kinda surreal, I am so happy that you’re finally bringing your collection over here, I’ve been staring at your clothes in wonder over Instagram.” You chuckled along with her, “So, does this mean you’re going to be part of the Secret Santa party this year too?” You asked and she quirked an eyebrow, “Man, oh man, I’ve got to update you on some stuff.”

Bucky’s P.O.V

“Worst shift ever,” Bucky tiredly sighs as he plops down in the empty seat opposite his best friend. Wiping his hands on the Starbucks apron. Glancing up in time to see Steve quickly divert his attention to him, looking shifty as hell. “What are you doing?” Bucky sighs, already looking around the food court for what could be the source of his friend's distraction.

“Nothing, forget it.” Steve quickly dismisses, “what’s the worst Starbucks shift? Thought every shift was that?” The blonde changes the subject.

Bucky’s eyes still sweep the area and shrugs. “Yeah, that’s right. Heard Tony finally got an apprentice, some kid that’s still in school. Gonna be working weekends,” Bucky fills Steve in on the gossip he missed this morning before opening. “Why do you have taco-bell, Panda Express AND a burger meal from Coulson's Grill?” Finally noting the table filled with food, not being eaten.

Steve’s face turns a bright red, looking almost sheepish too. “Well… uh- I couldn’t decide what I wanted.” He stumbles, looking up at Bucky’s unamused glare. “Fine,” he sighs, shoulders slumping, “I looked suspicious going into each place and looking around, asking about employees that worked there, I had to buy something.”

“Steve, I say this cause I love you, dearly. You’re like a son to me-“

“I’m older than-“

“You’re acting like a creep. This is coming from me, the guy that used to write his number on every girl Starbucks cup. Stop it, I don’t want you getting fired ‘cause you got some weird pervy crush on Nat.”

“HA! So you do know her?” Steve yelled, earning weird looks. “And it’s not a crush, she walks around in an employee uniform that I never saw before. I’ve looked on every floor for the store, can’t find it. Figured it might be a restaurant-“ Steve stopped abruptly at the look on Bucky’s face. “Okay, so… I’m a creep. Just tell me, where does she work?”

Bucky laughs, “No way. Besides, she orders stuff from Starbucks, I see her name tag. That’s how I know her name.” Bucky shrugs, “Y/N also talks to her when working shifts at Sephora.”

“So… what time does she go to Starbucks?”

“Around ni- Hey, no. You’re not hanging around Starbucks in the hopes of getting a glimpse. You’re insane, this is from that Sam guy, stop hanging out with him. I’ll tell her you’ve been asking about her, she might pay you a visit.”

Steve’s eyes widen and he shakes his head. “Don’t you dare!”

“Then stop being creepy, okay?” Steve nodded slowly, watching Bucky eat one of the many meals, eyebrows furrowing slightly also.

“Wait, who is Y/N?” Steve watched as Bucky slowly stopped chewing his food, eyes shifting around nervously and he smiled bashfully. “... Do you have the hots for Loki’s new employee? I thought you were strict ‘No Sephora chicks’? Because they’re stuck up and talk about make up all day long.” Steve was grinning wildly at his best friend, Bucky sighed.

It took Bucky a few seconds before he replied. “She ain’t like those other girls, she’s actually pretty cool and funny, she’s friends with Clint! That says a lot about a person. She comes in and orders coffee’s sometimes, we got chatting over some stuff.” he shrugged, muttering the last sentence and biting his food to stop from talking. He glances up to see Steve’s smug face, arms crossed and a look of ‘this is gold gossip’. “Aw, Stevie, c’mon… don’t look at me like that, dude.”

“Just it’s been three years since you actually took an interest in someone, good to know you aren’t just the Starbucks Fuckboi.”

“You need to stop hanging around Sam, he’s a bad influence, can’t believe he branded me as that.” Bucky sulked pushing the food away. “Him and Sharon, need to be stopped. Speak of the devil and it will come,” Steve turned his head in time to see Sharon Carter walking up to them, a big smile on her face as she looks at Steve who greets her with the same back. “Hey, Sharon!” Bucky says in an overly enthusiastic voice.

Sharon tilts her head, crossing her arms. The lilac shirt with the cursive font on the left, her name badge just underneath. “Barnes, Steven, how are you both?” Steve shrugs and Bucky just ‘mehs’ at her question. “Wow, lively bunch today, Tony wanted me to remind you both that the annual ceremony of the name picking is this Saturday. It’s being held at The Tea Room, I’m sure you remember where that is, right Barnes?” Sharon bats her lashes at him, his smile drops and he rolls his eyes. “Just making my rounds, boys.” She nods before leaving, chuckling as she does so.

“Can you believe her?” Bucky hisses at Steve. “She acts so high and mighty because she works at ‘The Tea Room’” Bucky puts on a fake British accent, “Ugh. British chicks, fuck ‘em. So prude and high class, so I tried getting a job there, didn’t want it anyway. Starbucks is so much better, at least people my age like me.” Steve just smiled and nodded along, chuckling at Bucky’s childish behaviour towards Sharon.

“Sharon isn’t British.” Bucky frowned and looked at Steve, “She isn’t British, Buck. She was born here, her sister, Peggy is the British one.”

Bucky scoffs. “Don’t say her name in front of me, I’m still mad at her.” Steve sighed and shakes his head, “no matter how much pain she caused you, you still choose to defend her. No wonder you stalk Nat instead of talking to her, issues, you’ve got ‘em.”

*

Bucky went back to Starbucks, sighing as he stood behind the counter beside his usual work buddy, Scott. They both had been hired around the same time last year, neither knowing how to make coffee’s or any of the fancy shit that happens as Starbucks, but they gave it their best. Usually, Scott makes the drinks and Bucky get the orders unless it’s super busy, then they both make drinks and take orders.

“How’s Cassie?” Bucky asked when the crowd had thinned out, Scott looked up from the cleaning the hot chocolate machine with raised eyebrows. “Wasn’t it her Birthday like four days ago?”

Scott nodded and chuckled. “Yes sir, took her to the zoo.” Bucky chuckled, he had met Cassie a few times, she would sit at one of the tables waiting for Scott to finish a shift. “She’s growing up too fast, Maggie is thinking of having another one with the douchebag but… I don’t think me and Hope are at that stage, yet.” Scott sighs and Bucky nods, “so, Y/N, huh? Got a thing for her.” Bucky whipped his head to glare at the chuckling, smaller, man. “Steve sent it in a group text to me and Sam, plus Clint.”

“That fucker. I’m getting him a punch in the face for Christmas.” Bucky seethed.

“Brightside, you might pull her name Saturday.” Scott nudges him to take the ladies order, leaving Bucky to blush at the thought of that.

~ I hope people are liking this, it’s actually difficult trying to introduce all the characters, hence why I put Shar, Steve, Bucky and slightly Scott in this chapter along with Natasha. What do people think of the characters so far? Let me know what you think will happen? Who you think people will get as their secret santa! Still so much more to happen!~

(Thank you, all so much, for allowing me to do this instead of requests this year. Wanted to focus on a series. I do have a job, working in retail, hence the inspiration for this. So, updates will be all over the place, which I am sorry for. Hope you enjoy this. - Rosalie)

Tag List ( Technically CLOSED but- if you want to be added; comment on this post, no asks)

@promarvelfangirl @zombiewerewolfqueen @avengersandchill @reniescarlett @taylorjacksonandtheolympians @therealtrashhere  @jamesbuckybananabarnes @2-many-fandoms95 @the-resident-demon @medusassirene @writingcameos @fleurs-en-ruines @mpmark @spookyphsyco @awwtommo @cheshiresmiles @sabrinawalden510 @theonlymoosewhoeatssalad @eggsyunwincankillme @pure-fitz @hdthdthdt @millie-saurus-rex @the-great-escapist99 @meowmeow230 @earinafae @chronicles-of-my-chocolate @wolfgamzee @destroy-society  @somewereinthegalaxi @niallandsebastianaremylife @tum-icanteven-blr @woo0t @timemngmtoptimisationproblems  

[typewriterbot]

finally getting off my butt to write apollo’s timeline!! gosh, this is gonna be long

- Apollo is risen in the edz by his ghost Atlas. at this point he’s Apollo-95

- he wanders mostly, trudging through the alps and heavily forested areas, only slipping into cities in the dead of night looking for answers as to what happened (he promises Atlas that they’ll get to the Traveler eventually, he wants to relearn the world first)

- goes through three resets in his time spent alone. Atlas has had to explain what he is every single time, and Apollo promises that he’ll find someone to travel with

- he meets Roksana and the band of people she’s been traveling with. she’s brash and upfront, and serious about protecting those under her charge. he learns how to fight with fists and his body, and acts as her backup

- comes across the Rangers and learns that he really likes hand cannons

- he doesn’t grow close to any of the people he and Roksana travel with. they die too easily to get attached to

- when he and Roksana meet the Iron Lords, he’s interested in what they’ve learned and their techniques in fighting but he’s completely uninterested in joining their ranks as an Iron Wolf

- Felwinter’s cynicism is tiring, Timur is more prepared for fighting than anything else, but Skorri... Skorri he likes. Apollo doesn’t spend a lot of time with her, but when he did, he’d listen to her songs and often practice singing to the sun together

- Apollo and Roksana make their way to the Traveler, with Atlas complaining loudly that “it was about damn time”

- he takes to help building the libraries and putting everything in order when he has the time. once he’s at the city, he finds that he rarely wants to leave

- is a surprisingly good babysitter. maybe not the funnest, but at least your kids will be alive when he returns them

- taught many of the children in the budding city how to read

- Apollo meets Hemlock when he finally leaves the city for supplies

- he thinks it’s odd how they keep meeting

- kinda misses the entirety of the faction wars because he’s not paying attention. Roksana tells him one day that there’s a consensus and that they’re now guardians and he’s like “what????? are you talking about????”

- he hates being out of the loop so he actually starts paying attention to the factions

- (that’s when Roksana starts taking him out of his libraries. he doesn’t like it)

- finally figures out that Hemlock is looking at his scheduled logs and chews him out for it. it’s impolite to look at someone’s schedule that you have no business looking at!!!

- but Hemlock is handsome helpful to have in the field, plus it’s nice to have someone watch his back

- introduces Hemlock to Roksana and all three of them become very good friends

- still doesn’t leave the city very often, but Hemlock dropping in to say hello is nice

- it’s not nice when Hemlock and Roksana drag him out of the libraries though. that’s very rude and he makes sure they know it by yelling at them (which is about as frightening as a kitten trying to roar)

- Hemlock introduces Apollo to his new apprentice, an awoken named Ronin

- later, Roksana brings Sadik to the libraries to meet him as well. he jokes that he should find an apprentice one of these days

- the battle of six fronts happens

- he stays inside the city, keeping the people safe as best as he can, starts several fires when he self-rezes but at least it keeps the fallen at bay

- he sees Hemlock die several times in rapid succession and scolds him for being reckless

- Apollo doesn’t care if dying is part of a guardian’s job, losing Hemlock is not acceptable (not that he’ll ever explain what he means)

- but at least Hemlock, Roksana, and himself survive. that’s better than what he thought would happen

- joins Hemlock in pouring a drink out for the Iron Lords before going to find Roksana to make sure she knows it’s not her fault and that she would probably be dead too if she went with them

- helped Praedyth study the Vex, unaware that he helps signs Kabr’s fireteam to death

- battle of twilight gap happens. he and Hemlock stick close together to ensure that neither of them die while constantly checking in with Roksana to make sure she’s okay too

- afterwards he helps pick up pieces of armor that’ll make the gjallarhorns

- doesn’t like how quiet the city now

- goes on patrols alone and with Hemlock, finally deciding that he needs to leave the tower more often

- quietly realizes that he loves Hemlock, but won’t gamble on the feeling not being returned

- Roksana took Sadik and Ira on a patrol with him, and instead of actually doing the patrol, he and Ira argue theories

- makes the only bet he’ll ever place in his life: concordant will be replaced in the consensus. he’s shocked to know that he’s right

- takes Jai under his wing after the warlock is brought to the city by Ronin and Sadik

- Jai is sweet and eager to help, but there isn’t a lot to teach him. Apollo knows before Jai that he’ll be a stormcaller

- part of the warlocks that begin to study the hive excessively after the battle of burning lake

- this leads to the decision to go to the moon with nearly every other guardian. he has to find a way to defeat the hive even if he dies trying

- it was a mistake, and Apollo realizes that his memory stuttering and the misfires are the tell tale signs of a reset

- he doesn’t fight Hemlock when the reset is hurried along. he wants it to happen but forgets to tell Hemlock that no matter what it isn’t his fault

- on the way back to earth, Apollo-98 becomes Apollo-99

- Apollo-99 befriends Roksana as easily as Apollo-98 did. it helps that the two are similar enough that it’s not difficult at all

- he gets frustrated when Hemlock avoids him. he knows that the hunter is important to him, but he keeps running away before they can have a proper conversation

- forces Hemlock into an argument because there are things to talk about. afterwards, they slowly become friends again

- Apollo and Hemlock find a new rhythm, and Apollo grows to love the hunter again. agrees to date Hemlock

- Ira finds Guardian, and Apollo is more interested in the fact that they found the black garden than anything

- offers to help the fireteam that’ll go into the vault of glass by doing research for them. he’s glad that they live, and feels sad for some reason when one of the warlocks talked about something called the aegis shield

- eris arrives at the tower, and he drills her for information

- where Ronin and Roksana are going to defeat Crota for vengeance, he’s going to prove that the hive wouldn’t have a hold over him just because they made him reset

- Hemlock almost doesn’t let him go. they have an argument about it

- the raid team is: Apollo, Hemlock, Roksana, Sadik, Ronin, and Jai

- he despises the oversoul throne and the way it chokes his light, but he takes as much information back with him to the tower as he can

- Ira introduces him to Guardian. they’re quiet and he doesn’t mind when they hide under one of his tables. it reminds of something that makes his light glow a happy orange

- Hemlock talks him and Roksana into doing bounties for the reef. it’s simple work after going down into the hellmouth, and Apollo has fun

- also gets talked into prison of elders challenges. those are a little less fun

- Oryx arrives in the system and Apollo physically hurts because of it

- almost yells at Ira for getting onto the dreadnaught until he sees how exhausted he is. makes Ira rest every time he returns to the tower

- Guardian asks if he’ll be on the team to kill Oryx. he agrees, and wisely doesn’t point out how awful they look

- in the middle of fighting Oryx, he proposes to Apollo. Roksana laughs hysterically and offers to officiate

- he’s giddy that Hemlock said yes, and it’s a shotgun wedding

- is also a little shocked that Hemlock thought he was kidding (”of course i’m serious! and besides, i’d rather not get a divorce twenty minutes after getting married” “alright, alright, i’m just making sure”)

- tells Ikora that he and Hemlock got married and wonders if they could have a more official ceremony. she is ecstatic about it

- Roksana is contacted by Saladin Forge, and while he doesn’t really remember him, Apollo offers to help keep the plaguelands under control

- has nearly shoved Hemlock off of Felwinter’s peak when he heard him call Saladin “wolf guy”

- stays behind with Saladin and Shiro while everyone else goes to kill Aksis. he uses the excuse that he’s old, but really, after Oryx he doesn’t want to risk a reset

- it’s nice to finally spend time with Hemlock without the end of the world looming over their heads

- considers taking on more students

- the red legion attacks the city and Apollo-99 is dangerously close to becoming Apollo-100

[kittenwritesstuff]

Everlasting

Fandom: Marvel Pairings: Steve x Peggy; Tony x reader Genres: mild angst, fluff Words: 1.670 Summary: With Tony’s help, reader succeeds in curing Peggy’s aging, giving her and Steve a chance to be together - requested by Anonymous A/N: God, I hope you’re gonna like it. I got carried away with that idea, a little. 

Calculations correct!

The screen lights up with a green gleam as the words appear, rousing you from a nap. You’ve been working on a formula for past three weeks, with minimum of rest. You’re pretty sure that your blood turned into coffee by now but the end justifies the means and what you’re trying to achieve will surely be a life-changing discovery.

Well, only if you decide to announce it, which most likely won’t happen.

After being Tony’s apprentice, of sorts, you’ve learnt that more often than not, whatever his genius brain came up with, sooner or later would be used to morally questionable purposes. It’s better to keep your discoveries hidden, used only by you and trusted people.

And, as of now, the formula which was confirmed to be working, is supposed to be turned into a serum that, later on, will be given to a very important and very missed person.

“Tony! Get your ass here!” you shout through a communication system, receiving dismayed grunts from the other end. It seemed that Tony was using a break to catch up on sleeping, too, but he must know it now.

Few minutes later, he walks into the lab, yawing, not even bothering to cover his mouth. You grimace but usher him to come to your side and once he does, you point your finger at the screen of your computer.

“Look. It checks out.”

“Holy… Did you double-check?”

“Triple-checked even.”

“Dear Lord, you did it,” his eyes are wide opened as he stares at the screen, his mouth falling agape. You feel proud of yourself – you managed to amaze Tony Stark, something that very few people can do.

“I’m glad that you’re not taking credit for that,” you jest with a small smirk and Tony scoffs.

“I’m your tutor, so it’s partially my merit, Y/N,” he says cheekily, winking at you and you shake your head.

“Okay, my brilliant teacher, let’s make that serum.”

_______

“Who’s gonna tell him?”

“Don’t know, maybe you?”

“You know him longer, you should do it.”

“Yeah, and he’s gonna punch me for not telling him sooner.”

“Well, we couldn’t tell him sooner…”

“Yes, but it’s Steve, it’s black or white with him. We knew, so we should’ve immediately let him know.”

“But after…”

“I know, Y/N. And I know that he’ll understand why we waited.”

“You sure?” you lift your worried gaze at Tony who reaches out and squeezes your shoulder reassuringly. You prop your elbows on the desk, hiding your face in your palms and trying to find proper words to tell as gently as you can about what the two of you have done.

The door slides open and Steve steps in, his brows knitting as he sees you and Tony in rather official manner.

“What’s going on?”

“Steve, sit down, please,” you say kindly, pointing a chair opposite you. Tony shifts a little but remains standing next to you with his palm on your shoulder. It’s a calming gesture yet it does send tickles across your body. You note to think about it later; there’s more important matter on hand now.

“You know that after Natasha released all of  SHIELD’s information, a lot of data suddenly were widely available and a lot of information was found, right?” you start, placing your hands on your lap and fidgeting with your fingers. You start to feel nauseous due to nerves and you swallow hard as Steve nods his head.

“Thanks to that I’ve received a note from my father. A coded message.”

“We cracked the code, obviously, but it was only coordinates with no explanation whatsoever.”

“So of course, we hit the road and went there.” You pat Tony’s hand, hinting that you’re taking talking from here and give Steve a gentle smile. He’s confused, which is understandable, given that neither of you said anything that would make sense to him.

“We arrived at a kind of army shelter, or something, and when we walked in, we found a file and a closed room. Tony wanted to go into the room, first, but I stopped him and said that we should find out what was happening there. The file had no title, no description on it so we had no idea what would be there. But since we were already there…

First, there were couple of notes saying that Howard and Peggy somehow realized that HYDRA wasn’t eliminated and started to grow under their noses. They tried to create a sort of preventing procedure, a backup plan, but it failed. Howard almost got killed and so he proposed something absolutely crazy.”

“Y/N, what has he done? What happened to Peggy?” Steve’s voice is thick, low and hardly audible and you swallow hard again, feeling guilt rising in your stomach. It was not your fault and you had no part in it but after what happened to Bucky, you’re not sure how Steve will react to the news you’re about to tell him.

“She was comatose, she had drip-bags for intravenous feeding. The room was turned into something similar to cryo chamber. Once we opened the door, we activated a waking up procedure.”

Steve’s jaw drops, he blinks and then drapes a hand over his face. He looks crestfallen, almost heartbroken and you feel an urge to jump onto your feet and hug him. Maybe later, you tell yourself and take a deep breath to deliver the rest of the news.  

“We transported her here, took care of her and she’s now well and healthy. However, the problem that appeared after a while was that her body was feeling older that she felt to be, as if her system was trying to catch up with all those years she was asleep for. Which would surely lead to Peggy’s death.”

“W-would? She’s alive?” Steve mutters, his voice shaking, disbelief evident in his eyes. You reach out your hand to take his and squeeze it lightly.

“I’ve managed to create a serum. It cured her aging so she will now age like you. She’s not a superhero, obviously, but she’s fine. Still trying to figure out how to use a phone and a computer but we’re on a good way, I suppose.”

“Can I see her?” Steve’s voice is more of a plea and you shift your gaze at Tony, who flashes Steve a tight but happy smile.

“Sure, Cap. Come with me,” he tilts his head and Steve stands up, rounding the desk. You stand up, too, but you’re pondering whether you should go. It’s going to be rather intimate moment and you’re convinced what Steve wouldn’t want it to be witnessed by too many people.

Surprisingly to you, Steve grasps your forearm gently and bores his tearful eyes into yours.

“I don’t know how to thank you, Y/N.”

“It’s my job, Steve. Go and get your girl. She’s waiting.”

He cracks a smile, wide and joyous and pulls you into a tight bone-crashing hug and it’s the best display of gratitude you would’ve asked for. He plants a kiss on top of your head before he disappears after Tony, going few floor down, where Tony found a secluded, quiet room for Peggy.

You fall into your seat, only now feeling how exhausted you are. But you fixed something, gave Steve and Peggy a happy ending that they thought they’d never have. It’s a great feeling.

“I gave them some privacy. They have a lot to catch up on,” Tony’s voice comes from behind you and you straighten your back.

“I think I’m hitting the hay now. I’ve enough of sleeping on the couch,” you say playfully as you make to walk out, however Tony jumps in front of you, prompting you to frown.

“Y/N, I want to thank you. For doing this. For your outstanding skills and knowledge –“

“Oh, no, you’re too nice, I’m scared.”

“Dammit, you think so lowly of me?”

You give him ‘are you f—king kidding me’ look and Tony’s face falls for a moment before he starts speaking again.

“What I’m trying to say is that I’m really grateful. I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“Wow, now I’m terrified. But it’s nice of you, so thank you, Tony, and goodnight.”

“I also want to ask you to be my date on their wedding.”

“Ask then,” you cock an eyebrow up and Tony chuckles.

“Y/N, would you be my date on Cap’s and Peggy’s wedding?”

“I’d love to, but why the rush? It’s not like they’re going to marry next month or- they are, aren’t they?”

“Well, Cap said something about not wanting to waste any more time and finally having what he wished for, so I guess it’ll be very soon.”

“They deserve it, if you ask me.”

“Sure they do. I’m glad that we did it, Y/N. It’s good to see him happy, especially after losing Barnes again.”

“Look at you, being worried and happy for your friends! It’s a great change, keep it up, Stark. And now, I’m going to bed, night!”

“Goodnight, Y/N, sleep well!”

_______

Five weeks later, as you stand near the alter as one of the maids, you wipe at your cheek when a tear rolls down. You can’t be happier and, from what you see, every single one of the guests can’t seem to keep the tears at bay.

When the ceremony is over and time for a party comes, Tony finds you and wraps an arm around your waist, looking at you warmly. There’s been a change in his behavior lately, a strangle shift in how he acted around you and towards you but you don’t mind. In fact, you want it to last for as long as possible.  

“How’s my date doing?”

“Great, and I like the way you say it. ‘My date’, I mean.”

“Would you like to be one for longer?”

“How long, Tony?”

“For how long as you want to have me, Y/N.”

“Then you’re stuck with me, Stark.”

“I’m counting on it.”