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maddieinwonder · 3 years

Text

A Lesson In Romance #7: False Start

Spencer Reid x Fem!BAU!Reader

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: Just a lot of awkward vibes hahaha

Word Count: 1.7k

Plot: Reader keeps getting caught in rom-com situations with Spencer Reid. This time, they try to confess their feelings.

A/N: I didn’t actually manage to include the definition of a False Start in the chapter itself, so I’ll add it at the end. No spoilers for now!

Masterlist | All chapters here!

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It took you 24 hours to decide that you were going to do something about your feelings for the good doctor. Pretty quick, considering you were a living, breathing rom-com cynic. But as ancient Greek philosopher, Heraclitus, once said: "The only constant in life is change".

Specifically, change happened after you woke up in your cute co-worker and dear friend's arms and you wanted nothing more than to get back into them as fast as possible.

But by the universal laws of working in the BAU, catching a break seemed to be the hardest when you actually wanted one.

Firstly, it was like every serial killer in the country decided to cancel their vacations simultaneously, swamping the team with urgent case after case. At this point, you were more familiar with the couch on the jet than your bed at home, and everyone was feeling the strain.

Secondly, if you weren't sleeping, you were usually out in the field chasing unsubs with Derek or Rossi. You had stopped holding out hope for being paired with Spencer — on account of your areas of specialty overlapping too much, and Hotch not being the type of leader to waste his resources — and as a result:

Thirdly, getting even ten minutes alone with the genius became an impossible task, and not for lack of trying either. At the start of the month, the two of you had tried to adapt your breakfast ritual to the road, but it always got interrupted mid-coffee order or even at the ding of the lift. Not that you and Spencer stopped trying, no, but your patience was wearing thin.

So you did something you hadn't done since you submitted your application to join the BAU — you prayed for a chance.

Because every day that you didn't admit your feelings to the doctor was another day fighting the compulsion to tell somebody else about them, and god only knows what a room full of profilers (and one nosy tech analyst) would do with that kind of information.

Then, out of the blue, the door of opportunity opened.

After two weeks of straight travel, the team had earned a well-deserved one night’s rest in your own beds before dealing with a local case, bright and early tomorrow morning. And since your flight landed at 2am and all the trains had stopped by then, this gave you the perfect shot to execute your plan.

Unfortunately, you forgot to take into account the most important factor — your nerves.

It didn't help that Derek had wolf-whistled in the carpark as the two of you walked off in the same direction, nor that Spencer immediately put your favourite album into the CD player out of instinct; an overly domestic action that made your heart beat even faster.

But it was when you arrived in front of his apartment building that you felt the worst of it. As you tried to summon the right words to your lips, your heart hammered in your chest and your thoughts jumbled themselves into nonsense.

"Are you ok?" Spencer asked, snapping you out of your anxious spiral instantly. "You don't look so well."

"I-I'm fine." Your fingers twitched nervously.

"Doesn't seem like it." He looked down at your hands, and you cursed your subconscious brain for giving you away. Then, he placed a hand over yours and your heart stopped.

"You're not alright, that's for sure, but it seems like it's just sleep deprivation." He assessed, bending slightly to look at your face. "You can't drive in this state. Do you want to come in?”

Your head snapped up to meet his gaze, ready to protest, but Spencer beat you to it. "Let’s go. You wanted to talk about something, right?" He called out, already one foot out of the car.

Before you could realise what was happening, you found yourself sitting on Spencer's couch holding a warm cup of tea.

This was the first time you were in his apartment. Yet, it was exactly what you thought it'd be like. Every wall was lined with bookshelves, filled to max capacity with books of every topic imaginable from neuroscience to philosophy. Those that didn't make it to the shelves were found in random stacks around his apartment, standing out against his forest green walls.

"Did you know that chamomile tea is a natural remedy for insomnia? In fact, it is commonly regarded as a mild tranquilizer. It's calming effects may be attributed to the antioxidant apigenin, which binds to specific receptors in your brain that initiate sleep and reduce anxiety." He explained, walking over with his own mug.

"I actually did know that." You smiled. The tea seemed to work its magic because you did feel relaxed, and you must have looked it too, because the worried frown disappeared off Spencer's face.

"Didn't know you were a tea person." You commented lightly, blowing the steam from your mug.

"There's a lot of things you don't know about me." He replied mysteriously, and you raised your eyebrows.

Spencer's apartment was too quiet, no rumbling fridge or quiet radio playing in the background to make your awkward silence any less pronounced. It was then that you noticed he didn't have a TV. Somehow this fact didn't surprise you very much.

"You... you wanted to talk to me about something?" He broke the silence, looking down at the hot tea swirling in his mug.

Right. You were here to talk about your feelings. Your face flushed as you tried to summon your willpower, again.

"I wanted to tell you something—" You began shakily. "But before that, I just want to preface, we can ignore this entire thing if you don't agree. I mean, I really enjoy our friendship as it is, and I wouldn't want to do anything to affect tha—"

"Wait." Spencer interrupted urgently, before catching himself. "Sorry, um, before that, can I say something?"

"Um, ok, shoot." You replied meekly, trying to hide your relief behind a long sip of tea. There was a pause as he gathered his thoughts, and you might have been seeing things, but he looked almost... nervous?

"The day we met, I calculated the probability of meeting somebody that shared my exact coffee order and the result was almost one in a million.” He finally spoke, lifting his head to meet your gaze. “That probability decreased when I factored in working together, sharing the same interests, and... and how I enjoyed spending time with you more than with anybody else."

Spencer cleared his throat, a blush coming onto his cheeks.

"Ever since then... my life just started making sense. I know I’m a scientist, not a poet, and I could tell you all the statistics about relationships in the world, but when it comes to you...”

His cheeks were crimson now, as he ran his fingers through his hair. You had a feeling yours looked the same.

"I guess, what I'm trying to say, is that I think you're beautiful and smart, and I have no idea what you see in me, but I'd really—"

Suddenly, both your phones buzzed violently against his coffee table, jolting you out of the moment. You leaned over in a trained motion, only to see exactly what you expected:

Garcia: No rest for the wicked, crime fighters. Conference room in 30.

Penny: No rest for the wicked, crime fighters. Conference room in 30.

You let out a sigh you didn't realise you were holding, and Spencer looked over at you, doe-eyed and nervous.

“The case?" He asked quietly.

There was a silence filled with words unsaid. "We should go." He said finally. "If we leave now, we can still make it on time."

You only nodded in response, more out of duty than desire, and gulped down the rest of your tea. The thought of what he was about to say burned down your throat.

Driving away from Spencer’s apartment was torturous. The doctor hadn’t said anything to you since he entered the car, only fiddling with his bag as he looked out the window. It was too dark to read his expression, but you wondered if he could still hear the way he called you “beautiful”, or whether the moment had already dissolved into the space between you.

Luckily, you didn’t need to wait long for an answer, as Spencer tugged on your sleeve before you exited the carpark, his face scrunched in worry.

"I really didn't mean for that to be so... weird. Can we talk about this again after the case?" He asked softly, and despite every semblance of logic left in your brain, you couldn’t stop the hope from blooming in your chest and you smiled.

That was when Spencer did something completely uncharacteristic. (You didn't know this at the time, but it was something that you would tease him about for a long time after.)

In one fluid movement, the doctor pulled you into a tight hug that elicited a squeak from you, but it only took a second for the initial shock to wear off before you relaxed completely into his warm touch. He took that as a sign to continue, burying his head into your shoulder and letting out a content sigh.

Unlike waking up to your bodies intertwined, nothing about this was a mistake. Not the way his fingers stroked your back peacefully, nor the way his curly hair tickled your cheek. You felt the stress of the past two weeks melt away in his embrace, and so did any coherent thought, except one: normal friends didn't hug each other like this.

Later when the two of you finally entered the conference room, miraculously still on time, nobody commented on the smiles plastered on your faces but everybody could tell. They were profilers after all.

But for the first time in awhile, you were just too happy to care.

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Tag List:

@blue-space-porgs @nobutalsoyes @lady-loves-a-lot @queen-flower @oops-all-ajs @spottedzebrasinpartyhats @agentcarterisgay @totalmess191 @sapphic-prentiss @mellowalieneggsknight || @averyhotchner @amesandpineapples @willowrose99

Definition of a False Start here

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queenangst · 6 years

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More Than Friends

by: achievingelysium Summary: A classic, two-part throwback to "mortals-meet" fics. Part one: Annabeth's having a no good, very bad day. Percy swings by to help. Things go about as well as can be expected. Post-TLO, Annabeth's POV. / Part two: Much to his friends' chagrin, Percy tends to show up late to class and flakes out on a meetup, until they meet his elusive girlfriend. Post-HoO, mortal's POV.

Read on AO3 | FFN

Her phone buzzed.

Buzzed, then buzzed again.

Annabeth snarled under her breath, eyeing the teacher whose back was turned to the class, and then snatched the phone from her pocket. Whoever was texting her had better have something important to tell her, or gods help her—

It was Percy.

Despite herself, Annabeth smiled. The annoyance didn't fade—no, from this morning to that stupid brat earlier—she'd just about had it with the day. She'd only come back to school for a week, but already she ached to leave and go back to camp where she belonged.

Percy, 11:14 AM hows it going babe me and grvoer r headed for the beach

Percy, 11:16 AM wait grover and i?

You, 11:17 AM you got it.

Annabeth ducked her head and grinned. She caught Lydia's attention in the seat next to her, her friend's eyes widening almost comically as she leaned over to see.

"You're texting in class?" Lydia hissed.

"Shh," she whispered back, batting Lydia away. Still, the girl was hooked, far too interested in what Annabeth was doing.

There was a noise from the front of the room, and the two of them froze, glancing up.

"False alarm," Lydia whispered as Ms. Martin kept writing on the board.

"You should all be writing this down," Ms. Martin said. "See, this is why you guys aren't doing well. I can only do so much, but if you want to learn, you have to be paying attention in class. It's not as hard as you think it is. Is anybody writing?"

Annabeth gritted her teeth, glaring across the room before looking pointedly at her open notebook. Scrawled on the page were notes, though Annabeth hadn't finished writing down everything. Her dyslexia wasn't helpful, nor was the way Ms. Martin organized her thoughts on the board, completely different from Annabeth's.

There was a general grumbling from the class. Furtive glances were cast around the room.

"Yeah, if only she would teach us," Michael muttered from two seats up. Annabeth and Lydia snorted.

It was no secret that no one in their school liked Ms. Martin. She was a hit-or-miss teacher, and she often berated her students on their less-than-stellar work in her class—even though that had always been a result of her teaching.

"There she goes again," Lydia said, sighing as she jotted down another line.

Annabeth wasn't paying attention, though.

Percy, 11:18 AM soo? good day [IMG _FILE] look at this cool shell grover said the pattern makes it look like its frowning but i don't see it

You, 11:24 AM tell grover I don't see it either. also today's been awful

Percy, 11:24 AM what wht why

You, 11:25 AM ugh Helem got mad at me this morning. Again. *Helen

Percy, 11:25 AM she's too hard on u I thought u 2 were getting better

You, 11:26 AM yeah but last week I took off my necklace so I could go shower she almost threw it away. didn't know what it was

Percy, 11:27 AM she WHAT

You, 11:27 AM I guess it's not totally her fault but she should know by now right not to touch my stuff I hate it when people touch my stuf *stuff and I got really upset about it

Percy, 11:29 AM u didn't tell me :(( ims orry

You, 11:30 AM its fine now I guess I got it back forgot about it when you called a couple days ago

Percy, 11:31 AM what were u saying about this morning

You, 11:32 AM UGH

You, 11:32 AM I came home yesterday [Unsent]

You, 11:32 AM went back yesterday at 2am because I ran into a couple monsters took care of everything but I got a little blood and monster dust on the carpet and in the bathroom was too tired to clean up got yelled at this morning for it

Percy, 11:33 AM ur fine right? ugh it wasn't ur fault

You, 11:34 AM I know she hates monsters and really wants to look out for the boys but she just and earlier I saw this girl talking about this kid in the bathroom and she was so rude I

Percy, 11:35 AM did u get in trouble

You, 11:35 AM almost did I was about to punch her I was so mad and now I'm in English and I hate English and Martin

Percy, 11:42 AM hey… u have lunch next period i'll swing by with grover and take u out we can get those curly fries u like

Annabeth groaned. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate Percy, but her friends had been pestering her about her boyfriend since she'd gotten back to school.

They were just scraping two months from the war; Annabeth had decided to go back with Percy and Sally's encouragement. She'd missed about a month—school had started late August, but Annabeth had wanted to spend more time with the other campers and with Percy before leaving.

Now Annabeth was currently drowning in work to catch up, but Percy seemed to have managed just fine starting in mid-September. He'd gone back to Goode, surprisingly, and had bounced between home, school, and camp.

They had some kind of parent-teacher conferences this week, or maybe a holiday, which meant Percy had four days of weekend instead of two. It made Annabeth insanely jealous.

Percy, 11:44 AM so what do you say

Percy's text brought her back to the present. Lydia had gotten back to leaning over, but Annabeth blocked her friend's attempt to read the screen, furiously typing back.

You, 11:44 AM no you cant my frien [Unsent]

"Miss Chase. Miss Faris."

Annabeth's fingers froze over the keyboard just as her heart stopped. She fumbled to turn off her phone, looking up to see Ms. Martin with crossed arms.

"Ma'am," she replied, feeling her heart start to pound against her ribs. She cast a frantic look towards Lydia.

Monsters, Titans, fire-breathing Chihuahuas… Annabeth had seen them all. Still, there was something about teachers that sent them to a completely different level.

The class had gone quiet, broken only by Jay.

"Ooooh," he sang quietly, and the class tittered.

"Would you like to share what you're looking at instead of what you should've been learning in class?"

Annabeth ground her teeth together. She needed to text Percy back to tell him not to come, wanted to keep talking to him, wanted desperately to leave the classroom and find something she could break. The anger and annoyance that had hounded her came back; Percy had been cooling it off, but now something had snapped again.

"Learning," she said deliberately. Someone audibly sucked in a breath at her tone.

Ms. Martin arched an eyebrow.

"Indeed, Miss Chase. Something you would know to do if you want to do well in my class."

This was dumb. This was dumb, and Annabeth hated it, hated the way her skin was crawling like spiders were climbing across her front. She hated Ms. Martin with her stupid voice, who'd failed her first assignment even after Annabeth had worked on it for three days straight.

Hated the way the teacher was looking at her, like she was dumb.

"Maybe if you were teaching us something, I'd pay attention," Annabeth said hotly, standing up. Her fists clenched at her side.

The classroom, which had been filling with whispers and murmured conversation, went silent. Lydia couldn't seem to decide if she wanted to gape at Annabeth or cower in her seat with the way Ms. Martin was glaring at them.

Ms. Martin strode forward.

"Phone," she said, holding her hand out. "I want to see you after class."

Annabeth glanced at her phone, shutting it off and handing it over. They stood off for another moment before Annabeth forced herself to slowly sit down.

It wasn't worth it, she reminded herself, but a little part of her whispered that it had. Ms. Martin had turned around, marching back to the front of the classroom. People had erupted into conversation.

"Girl," Lydia exploded once she'd sat down. "Wow. You… wow."

"Shouldn't have done that, should I?" Annabeth grumbled, sliding lower in her seat.

"Maybe," Lydia offered, "but that was the most badass thing I've ever seen. Just wait until lunch. Everyone's going to be all over you."

"Oh, gods," Annabeth said. She covered her hands with her hands for a moment and then lowered them, sending a satisfied grin at her friend. "Well… I guess that was a pretty good line, huh?"

The remaining time in English passed quickly. Ms. Martin went back to lecturing them, occasionally interjecting with a comment about their work ethic as she glared vaguely in Annabeth's direction. Everyone went back to taking notes, but there was a restless energy that lasted until the bell rang.

"Dismissed," Ms. Martin called, and the students surged for the door, yelling over each other and chatting. Lydia shoved her stuff into her bag.

"I'll save you a spot," she told Annabeth. She glanced at Ms. Martin. "Good luck."

Annabeth took her time putting her things away. She wasn't a terribly organized person, but today she made sure everything had a place. While she worked, she reminded herself that she couldn't afford to have Ms. Martin hate her. Any more, and she'd be failing English.

Not to mention phone calls. The minute Helen heard a word about what had gone down, she'd go off on Annabeth. What little relationship they'd been carefully building would come crumbling down. She'd be the unruly, good-for-nothing demigod.

She took a deep breath and forced herself towards Ms. Martin's desk.

"I'll have you remember that I tolerate no disrespect, Annabeth," Ms. Martin said. "I don't like it when any student uses their phone in class, and if you have constructive criticism, I'd like you to bring it up to me in a more helpful way."

Annabeth held her tongue. She could tell Ms. Martin meant it, but it didn't make Annabeth feel any less unhappy.

"I'm… sorry," she said.

Ms. Martin made a noncommittal noise. "Are we on the same page?"

Annabeth glanced at the clock.

"Yes, ma'am."

"If this happens again, Annabeth, I can call your parents." Here, Annabeth's lip curled in distaste. "And I will send you out of class. You know that."

"Yes, ma'am."

Ms. Martin sighed. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, and though Annabeth didn't like her one bit, she thought maybe she was starting to understand where the teacher was coming from.

"It won't happen again," Annabeth offered quietly. She wanted to leave and slam the door.

"Be sure of it." Ms. Martin nodded, reaching over to a drawer and handing Annabeth's phone over. "You can go."

Annabeth left without saying goodbye, darting out into the hall and sighing.

"That could've gone better," she muttered, heading towards the cafeteria. She was five minutes late, give or take a few—the lunch line would be packed, and she'd have to wait longer to get food.

Annabeth stopped, suddenly remembering why she'd gotten into trouble in the first place. She checked her phone and found a number of missed texts and a call from Percy.

"Oh, gods."

"Annabeth!" a voice yelled before she could check it.

As she pushed her way towards her friends at the table in the corner, she caught sight of a small crowd. Over the din, she could hear a loud voice chattering away.

"What's Beatrice up to?" Annabeth said, sliding into her spot. Lydia lit up.

"Annabeth! You made it out alive!"

"Lydia told us all about it," Samarth said. He passed her a soda can. "Bought this from the vending machine as a gift, you brave, brave soul."

"Uh, thanks," Annabeth said.

"I still can't believe you said that," Jay crowed. "Did you see the look on her face?"

"What'd she say? Spill."

"It was fine," Annabeth muttered. "So what's all the commotion about?"

"Oh," Lydia said, slamming her water bottle down in excitement. "Queen Bea found a new guy to drool over."

Annabeth wrinkled her nose. "I'm sure."

Beatrice was nice enough, but she reminded Annabeth of Aphrodite kids. Cool, but sometimes overwhelming… and maybe a little too obsessed with getting a boyfriend.

She was pretty forward and could get a little bossy, hence the nickname Queen Bea. Still, the few times she'd seen her outside of being boy-crazy had admittedly impressed Annabeth. She was driven and smart. Med school, if she remembered correctly, though Annabeth never knew if that was her own ambition or if maybe she was fishing for a good-looking doctor in her future. Probably both.

Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.

Annabeth yelped, pulling her phone from her pocket.

Buzz.

"It's her boyfriend," Lydia said immediately. The table oohed.

"It's not," Annabeth said, hitting reply. It was Percy.

Percy, 12:21 PM hey its lunch but i don't see u i could use some help um u can probably tell where i am theres kind of a crowd is this normal

"Shit," Annabeth said. No doubt the "new guy to drool over" was Percy.

"Annabeth?" Jay called after her as she crossed the cafeteria. "Woah, wait, did we upset you?"

She shoved through the crowd, and there he was.

"Look, I'm sorry, I'm just here to find someone," Percy was saying. Beatrice was unsurprisingly talking to him, too close for both Percy and Annabeth's liking.

"Well, you found me," Beatrice said. She leaned a little closer. "Wanna go to lunch together?"

"Uh," Percy said. He looked nervous, eyes darting around the group of people surrounding him. There weren't actually that many people, maybe twelve in total, but they were all excitedly chattering about the new guy. With their small school and class size, everybody knew everybody, and anyone remotely new got people excited.

He tried to step away.

"I'm sorry," he said again. "I'm gonna go."

"Hey, wait, what's your name?"

"Percy," he replied. He was starting to get jittery, Riptide appearing in his hands as he twisted the cap like he did when he got nervous. "And I'm looking for—"

Annabeth finally pushed through.

"Looking for me?"

Percy and Beatrice both turned at the sound of her voice.

"Annabeth," Percy said, obviously relieved. She'd been his best friend for years, knew the way he ticked, knew what every look meant. It made her stomach flip when his eyes lit up, his lips lifting in that crooked, troublemaker grin.

He held out his hand, and Annabeth took it.

"Oh my God," she heard distantly. "That's gotta be him. The boyfriend. Samarth, get a picture."

Annabeth wasn't paying attention.

"Hey, Percy," she said, not fighting as he wrapped an arm around her and daring to press his lips to her forehead. She closed her eyes for a moment. "What are you doing here?"

He grinned, eyes crinkling at the corners. "Curly fries, remember? I promised."

"Do you two… know each other?"

Beatrice looked like her dreams were being crushed slightly. Annabeth felt bad, then remembered she'd been flirting with her boyfriend and felt a little better.

Before Annabeth could open her mouth, Percy beat her to the punch. "I'm Annabeth's boyfriend."

It was a little silly, but it made her smile. Every time she got to call him her boyfriend, it sent warmth through her body.

Annabeth ducked her head to hide her blush, and Percy tightened his arm around her.

"Oh," Beatrice said. "Um. Sorry."

Now she was blushing, looking a little embarrassed.

"It's cool, I guess. Flattering, but I'm taken," Percy said. "Uh, sorry?"

Annabeth couldn't help but roll her eyes. Her friends took the moment to press in like predators hunting prey.

"So you're Annabeth's boyfriend," Lydia said triumphantly. She was grinning as she stuck a hand out. "Nice to meet you."

"That's Lydia," Annabeth said, sighing. They'd never let her get the end of it. "Samarth and Jay over there."

"Oh, man," Jay said. "Liv is going to be so mad she missed this. Uh, nice to meet you, man."

Percy shook hands with Jay, then Lydia, then Samarth.

"I guess Annabeth talks about me, huh?"

"Oh, she never shuts up," Lydia said. Annabeth kicked at her ankles.

"Lydia!"

"Really?" Percy asked, grinning. He slipped his arm down from around her shoulders, grabbing her hand instead. Her face burned.

"No," she grumbled.

"Kind of," Samarth said. "I think Lydia talks more than her, though."

"What? I'm interested."

There was a beat of awkward silence before Lydia blurted, "How'd you guys meet?"

"Oh, um," Percy said. "We met when we were twelve. Went to the same camp, and we got looped into some of the same, er, camp activities together."

"Arts and crafts?"

Percy was grinning again, and it was infectious. "Something like that."

"Cool," Jay said. "I got shipped off to summer camp a few times, too, but my summers were never quite as exciting as Annabeth's. Any way I can get in?"

Annabeth pursed her lips. "It's one of those you gotta apply at, but it's a little hard to get in. Pretty specific requirements."

Percy laughed. "You're not wrong."

"Guess I'm not going."

Percy shrugged and raised an eyebrow. "Maybe. You never know."

"You're from New York, right?"

"Yeah, but I'm on break, so me and another friend came down for a visit. Then Annabeth said she was having a bad day, so I thought I'd come pick her up to get some food."

Jay poked Samarth. "Why don't you ever do that for me?"

Samarth only squinted back. "You're the one who can drive."

Percy glanced over at Annabeth, and she squeezed his hand.

"Missed you," she said quietly, stepping closer. "It's been weird being here."

"Hey, San Fran's pretty nice."

She looked away. "You know what I mean, Percy. I don't get to see your stupid face around."

He leaned their shoulders together. "Missed you, too."

Percy turned to the rest of the group. "It was nice meeting you guys, but I think we gotta go. Fries don't buy themselves."

There was a chorus of "You, too"s as Percy led Annabeth away.

"Mortals, huh," Percy said. "Cool bunch. Though I'm interested in what you've had to say about me, Wise Girl."

She shoved him. "Come on. Let's get some fries."

#HEY ANON THIS IS 4 U #mortals meet percabeth #pjo #pjo fanfic #percy jackson #annabeth chase #percabeth #my pjo #my fanfic #LOL THROWBACK to 2012 #note: yes tumblr long post formatting has been weird #if u read it on my blog its fine dont read on ur dash #alternatively just click a link

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catchinggmybreath · 6 years

Text

02.11.18 (bc I forgot to post yesterday)

I've been skipping days, oops. I planned on writing yesterday but then like......... I was on the phone til 2am with my bf and I crashed after that.

Yesterday I came out to like... 3 diff people plus my Tumblr followers. And I'm still confused. I still dunno my gender. I've had this feeling that I'm not fully female for a while. But then when I start thinking about coming out to people I get anxiety and paranoia and start imagining myself as a woman again because that feels safe, that feels like no one will judge,me and it just feels easier because then I don't have to have the talk(coming out) with anybody. I get so exhausted and I appreciate the responses so far but some people really need help understanding and its exhausting (if ur one of those ppl, pls don't feel sorry for it bc I really do appreciate the questions so that you can understand , I really do appreciate it it's just hard sometimes)

I honestly sometimes just feel like i should push away those feelings of a nonbinary gender because like........ It's less effort. Its less judgement. Its less accidentally being misgendered or having wrong pronouns used. It hurts more, but its easier. :/

And then my bf. Idk we talked for so long about it last night on the phone. There were a lot of tears and frustration. But I came out to him and he kinda just... Doesn't understand. And he's trying, I know he's trying, but I also know its difficult for him to understand things he hasn't personally experienced. And that's gonna be really hard and its gonna take some time. I haven't really asked him to address me by any specific pronouns for now. I think I'm gonna try to ease into it, and I also know he has friends who also just wouldn't understand. And its probably safest to just.... Use she / her pronouns around them. Same with my family. And his family. God this sucks. I honestly can't wait til we live in a society that accepts they/them pronouns. Anyways. He told me he was sorry for making my feelings feel invalid at first, he also said he was going to try his very best to work with it and understand better. So I mean. That's all I can really ask of him right now. And I really do appreciate that from him.

I've only had one god awful response so far and I'm not even gonna mention that bc it was bullshit and I'm still pissed.

So idk. That's that. Its rough. Idk who I'm going to come out to or if ill ever feel safe enough to come out to my family. Idk.

ALSO I kinda wanna drop the name caroline, my full name. Maybe even drop the name carol. Coral has been a nickname for a while and that feels perfecto, lol. Carol is also ok for now tho. Caroline is too... Carolineish. I'm not Caroline anymore. That's who I was years and years ago and I feel like its just not me anymore. Its a beautiful name, and a great song lol, but its just not me.

Reply with a heart if you read to the end, I'm curious who really read this whole thing. Thank u.

#diary tag #dont mind me #just tryina figure myself tf out #lmao #02.11.18

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xo-exo · 7 years

Text

The Man Who Must Leave

Title: The Man Who Must Leave

Member: Do Kyungsoo

Genre: Angst/ Fluff

A/N: The title as well as the story was inspired by 80′s Korean blues& rock, So I put two of the songs that I listened to while writing into the story. Enjoy!

It had been raining all day and puddles were glistening in the pale light of the street lamps when you stepped outside. You sighed, rolled your shoulders and tilted your neck to each side. Ouch. You really really deserved that 5 minute break you had allowed yourself.Who knew carrying plates and taking orders could be that exhausting? But hey, student loans didn’t pay themselves. And so you spent your days either drenched to the elbows in dishwater, your hair damp from the heat in the kitchen, or hurrying through the crowded restaurant while fighting to keep a polite smile on your face. You turned around when you heard a noise behind you, but the street was empty aside from a few waste containers.

Maybe just a cat or something, you tried to calm yourself while you took a step backwards, eyes fixed on the shadows between the street lamps.

“Hello? Is there anybody?”, you called, immediately feeling stupid. It was probably just the rain- after all, why should there be another person in this narrow alleyway, close to 2am on a Tuesday night? Seoul wasn’t exactly a place where you had to be afraid of pickpockets or any sorts of criminals, really. Especially not within the wealthy district of Gangnam with its shopping malls and offices.

Despite that you still felt a little paranoid, inwardly cursing because you had let the kitchen door fall shut in your back and you always needed to unlock the stupid thing to get in again

You pulled the keys from the pocket of your jeans without looking away from the alleyway. But you didn’t hear anything else, and so you closed your eyes for a moment and exhaled in relief, laughing a little at your own flurry.

When you opened your eyes again there was a hooded black figure just a few meters away from you.

You jumped back a little and screamed, the keys slipping from your fingers. The person in front of you suddenly raised his head, and you were faced with a pair of round black eyes, filled with surprise.

He pushed back the hood of his black jumper and removed his earphones, an apologetic smile on his face, while you couldn’t help but stare at him.

Your heart was still jumping, tumbling along with a mixture of ebbing fear and embarrassment.

Right. You should have known. Jina, the restaurant owner, had told you after all, just as you had signed your contract. “Oh, and I almost forgot to tell you. Some of our customers have a key for the backdoor.”

And while you were still looking for a polite way to ask: “So does this mean you’re doing something illegal, or..?” she had already continued: “As you might now, some of the big entertainment agencies are in this area, and a few of the artists started coming here while they were still trainees, and they still like to come by at the oddest hours once in a while. To avoid the commotion and to have a quiet meal they usually just sneak in through the kitchen.”

And so you were standing here, in a dark alleyway at two in the morning, across from Do Kyungsoo, who was shaking the rain from his hair, before running a hand through it to push it out of his face.

Did he walk here? By foot it would be at least 15 minutes from the SM office building, you estimated.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you”, he said, his voice even and soft.

You felt your cheeks heat in embarrassment when he kept looking at you, that warm smile still on his lips. You couldn’t help but stare back, a little mesmerized by the way the light ghosted over his face as he leaned down to pick up the keys.

“It’s fine. I’m just…” You didn’t know how to say the words ‘a little paranoid whenever it’s dark’ in Korean - so you just opted for a shrug (and maybe blushing a little bit deeper).

“Thank you”, you said when he handed you the keys, his hand feeling cold and wet from the rain. You hastily turned around to open the door, inwardly praising yourself for keeping it together. But honestly, it would have felt awkward to screech his name or ask for an autograph or anything, because he seemed so utterly normal. Well, apart from his startlingly good looks and that velvet-like voice of course, you thought as he followed you inside and shrugged his wet jacket off.

“Hyung!” He went over to greet Chanwook, the chef, whom he seemed to know quite well, judging from their familiar banter and laughing.

Meanwhile you went over to pour Kyungsoo a cup of tea, which he took from you with a quiet ‘thanks’ before dropping onto the chair by the small table in the corner of the kitchen.

During the day the room was filled with several people, shouting, damp hot air and the smell of food, but right now it was just you and Chanwook and Kyungsoo, since the last guests had already left half an hour ago. Now there was just an occasional call for some take-out chicken or ramen coming in, which meant that you could leave as soon as you had finished off doing the dishes.

So, nothing unusual. Except, that there was one of the most famous young idol singers and actors sitting at your elbow, clutching the cup of hot tea between his two hands while talking to your coworker.

Right. This wasn’t weird. At all.

So you pushed up your sleeves, engrossing yourself again in your work. You had always liked this part of your work best- the warm, soapy water on your hands, seeing the mountain of dirty pots and dishes shrink, and the old music from the radio in the shelf, hardly audible over the cracking of the static, the splashing of the water and the blustering of the fume hoods above the stoves.

“What’s your name?”, he suddenly asked. And even though these days you mostly answered with the Korean name you had picked for yourself, now you didn’t.

He repeated your name after you almost perfectly, his faint Korean accent bouncing of every syllable beautifully. Or maybe it was just his voice in general. He could have probably read a grocery list and you’d have loved it.

After a short moment of silence Kyungsoo turned towards Chanwook and the two started talking again.

Despite yourself you listened to their conversation- how was Jina doing? Had Chanwook watched that one movie he had recommended last time? How had practice been going? (You tried really hard NOT to listen at that point, but luckily Kyungsoo soon moved on from that question, so that you didn’t have to worry about hearing anything you weren’t supposed to hear.)

Then the back door opened again, and Jinho, the delivery boy entered. He greeted Kyungsoo with a smile, obviously not the least bit surprised to find the A-list celebrity lounging in his usual break-time-let’s-annoy-the-coworkers-seat. So while Chanwook and Jinho were busy packing the next round of take-out the conversation dropped.

“Again, sorry for startling you earlier on. I really didn’t mean to”, Kyungsoo said, smiling up at you sheepishly.

You couldn’t help but smile back, because honestly he could have probably hit you with a car and you would have forgiven him if he looked at you like that.

“It’s okay. I was just tired and a little out of it, you really didn’t do anything wrong.”

Silence fell again, just broken by the old song on the radio, then Kyungsoo got up and the next moment he appeared at your side, grabbing one of the dishcloths.

“What are you doing?”, you asked with a frown.

“You said you’re tired. I’m helping you to get home earlier”, he replied nonchalantly and started to dry off one of the pots.

“That’s not really”-”I love this song”, he interrupted you. “Do you know it?”

You stopped for a moment to listen, then you shook your head, while he started to first hum, then to sing along below his breath.

You didn’t want to interrupt him, so you had to quietly accept the fact that he was now helping you with the dishes.

The song was coming to an end and you were done with washing everything off, so you started to empty the sink and swipe the counter.

“I actually wanted to say hi to you a few days ago, but you were pretty busy serving tables that day.”

“You wanted to say hi?”, you repeated, more than just a little surprised as you wiped your hands dry on your jeans, mostly because you hadn’t even noticed him then. “Why?”

“To avoid running into you here at some odd hour and scaring you to death”, he smiled.

“Oh. Right. That would have been nice”, you replied in the same easy sarcastic way he had just used.

“I’m actually surprised you let me in without asking any further questions”. he said.

“Jina warned me that some celebrities might drop by, and that you have a key for the backdoor.”

“So you know who I am?”, he inquired.

“I do”, you replied, feeling yourself blush again, because well- you had walked right into that one, hadn’t you?

“Does that mean you are a fan?”, he continued, and when you looked up he was pressing his lips together, like he was trying not to laugh.

“I’m… just…don’t you want to see if Chanwook is done with your food yet?”, you asked, a little exasperated.

At that very moment Jinho, the delivery boy, popped up between you “Delivery!”, he said, and placed a take-out box and chopsticks on the counter, and you allowed yourself to relax a little, gld about the distraction. You had probably turned bright re, so it was really time for a change of topic. But apparently you were the only one to think so.

“Oh and she is definitely a fan. She has a picture of you in her wallet”, Jinho suddenly said, resting his head on your shoulder.

You turned around to hit him, but he had already ducked out of your reach.

When you turned around, Kyungsoo wasn’t even trying to hide his grin.

“Is that true?”, he asked and dropped onto the chair again.”Yeah”, you admitted a little reluctantly. “I mean, it’s a photocard, and you get them randomly..”

“But you kept it”, he said quietly, and when you looked at him there was nothing teasing in his face, just a genuine expression of delight.

“I did”, you agreed quietly.

“And you keep it in your wallet.”

“..I do.”

There was silence for a few moments, just broken by some Blues-song on the radio, while you finished cleaning up the dishes. Meanwhile Chanwook had brought over two more boxes of takeout food and a little stool, and when you were done you grabbed your box and jumped onto the counter, since your usual place was occupied. For a few minutes you ate in companionable silence (well, as silent as it can be when Koreans eat- honestly, you would never get used to those table manners). Then Kyungsoo asked you a few questions -why had you come to Seoul? How did you like it? And when did you usually work? Did you miss your family? That led to Chanwook telling you about his girlfriend and complaining about her parents- but at least their dog was cute. Which led to Chanwook asking about Kyungsoo’s dogs, and him showing you some pictures on his phone.

You were a little reluctant to look at them, since pushing your nose into Kyungsoo’s phone seemed both a little obnoxious and like it would hurt his privacy somehow.

“Don’t you like dogs?”, Kyungsoo asked as you got up to throw the empty boxes away.

“I do. I love them. It’s just… That’s your phone. And your dogs. And this feels like cheating.”

“Cheating?”, Kyungsoo repeated, obviously a little surprised and amused.

“Ahh.. I don’t know how to… listen, I have some.. weird things on my phone. Doesn’t everybody? Eh, probably not… but.You know, that’s kind of personal? So I wouldn’t want to invade your privacy. Also, it seems unfair that I get to see those and other fans don’t.”

“You think the fans would like to see pictures of my dogs?” He sounded genuinely surprised.

You smiled. “You could upload a picture of your socks every single morning and fans would still love it.”

Kyungsoo stayed silent for a few second while you fought to suppress a yawn.

“You do think a lot, don’t you?”, he asked then, a light frown on his face.

“Your shift has been over like 20 minutes ago. You really should go home”, Chanwook interrupted before you could answer.

“What time is it?”, Kyungsoo asked, his frown deepening.

“Just short of 2am, why?”

Kyungsoo swore in perfect English, saying pretty much exactly what you had been thinking right now.

You grabbed your jacket and your bag, while he stood by the door, jacket in hand, and saying his goodbyes to Chanwook. “See you tomorrow”, you hastily called out, only realizing that it was still pouring when the first cold drops fell onto your face.

You started to run down the alleyway, Kyungsoo by your side.Where the road crossed with the main street you stopped directly under a lantern.

“Bus to catch?”, you asked him, motioning over to the bus stop at the corner.

“Airplane. And packing my stuff.”

“Oh. Better get going then.”

Your hair was already starting to stick to your face in wet strands and you shivered as some cool drops ran down your back.

“I’ll see you around?”, he asked, pushing the hood of his jacket back a little so that you could see his calm dark eyes. He seemed completely calm and emotionless, so you were surely just imagining that hopeful tone in his voice. Right? Right. But he was looking at you, still, waiting for an answer while the rain kept falling. Well, it wasn’t a question, really. Of course you would like to meet him again. Not just because he was famous- no, he was funny and handsome and- okay, get it together, girl. You smiled at him.

“I hope so.”

He nodded and turned around, and so did you, running the last 50 meters or so to the bus stop.

“Look, Sehun updated his instagram”, your friend said the next day when you met her for an early lunch at the library.

“What did he post?”

“Uhm… a pair of socks?”

“What?”, you laughed and looked up from your book.

“And some dogs. Aren’t those Kyungsoo’s? What is that even supposed to mean?”

You had a very definite idea what it was supposed to mean and you felt your cheeks heat up a little.

“Oh, he commented something below it: ‘I posted it. Now leave me alone and let me sleep, hyung’.”

Your friend chuckled. “I really want to know what this is, don’t you?”

You clicked your pen a few times. “...yah, let me see those dogs again.”

It’s nice to finally write something again :) my old master list (but I guess I’ll restructure it or delete some stuff), here you can request stuff .

Oh, and I think liv, aka @heonseoks wanted me to tag this when I post it! ^-^

Elly

#exowritersnet #exo #kyungsoo #d.o.#do kyungsoo #exo k #kyungsoo fanfic #kyungsoo fanfiction #kyungsoo fluff #kyungsoo angst #exo fanfic #exo fanfiction #exo fluff #exo angst

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h-eckers · 7 years

Text

101 Writing Prompts

1. “I didn’t know you two were related.” “We didn’t either.”

2. “I’m not saying I’m gay, but I would be if they were asking.”

3. “I’ve tried my hardest to fall for you, but it’ll always be them.”

4. “I don’t think anyone’s ever said that to me before.”

5. “I didn’t even want to come to this party. You lied to me about the pinata.”

6. “Spin the bottle is such a cliché. I’m in.”

7. “I have to go in there with you? I didn’t sign up to play 7 minutes in hell .”

8. “That’s not how you pronounce my name and I’m not even sure you tried.”

9. “Are you new here?” “We’ve been in the same math class for six years.”

10. “You really shouldn’t touch that… I told you.”

11. “I recognise you. Do you have a dog.”

12. “ You’ve never seen Harry Potter? ”

13. “Can’t we just lay here for a minute?”

14. “We have to stop running into each other like this.”

15. “Is it weird if I say that your dad’s really hot?” 16. “I know it’s 2am but can we meet up?”

17. “I don’t know how we ended up sleeping together but I know I’m mad about it.”

18. “Whatever you do, just don’t tell anybody!”

19. “I don’t come here often, it brings back unwanted memories.”

20. “They told me I’d forget about you; that I’d move on but it’s been three years and here I am.”

21. “I’ve waited so long for this moment, but now it’s here I don’t know how to feel.”

22. “You can’t just say that and then disappear!”

23. “I always hear my neighbour playing this beautiful music, but I’ve never actually met them.”

24. “Would it be alright if I pet your dog?”

25. “I’m so sorry to bother you this late but an owl got in my house and I have no idea how to get it out.”

26. “We can’t call the police! They’ll never believe us!”

27. “Why are you buying plane tickets? Are you leaving?”

28. “I swear I’ve seen them before in a dream.”

29. “I don’t want to be your partner either but we have to get this assignment done.”

30. “I never hated you, you just make me feel things I don’t understand.”

31. “It’s your fault, and I don’t think this is something you can fix.”

32. “This isn’t easy for me either.”

33. “I would never do this to you if I didn’t have to. You know that, right?”

34. “Can you at least promise me that?” “I don’t think I can, not this time.”

35. “I’m sorry but it’s very hard to focus when you’re dressed like that.”

36. “On a scale of 1 to 10, how hard to you want me to hit you?”

37. “I’d be scared if I were you.”

38. “You can’t go in there alone .”

39. “This seems like a lot of effort to go to for a mediocre joke.”

40. “Delete that picture right now or Mr.Snuggles gets it!”

41. “You didn’t go through my photos did you?!”

42. “Uhhh, I went through your photos and I have some questions.”

43. “I swear to god, if you tag me in one more bad meme I’ll make you regret it.”

44. “I really want to kiss you right now. I know I shouldn’t, and somehow that makes me want it more.”

45. “You have individual ringtones for everyone? What’s mine?”

46. “ Why wouldn’t you lock the door? ”

47. “Did you know kissing burns calories?” “I’m happy with my weight, thanks.”

48. “Your bad pickup lines aren’t cute, they’re just bad.”

49. “I’ll give you fifty bucks if I can take you to Christmas dinner and tell my family we’re together. They always ask if I’m dating and I can’t have that conversation again.”

50. “I don’t think you’re ever too old for trick-or-treating.”

51. “We’re dressing up for Halloween this year and that’s final.”

52. “I forgot what we were fighting about in the first place.” “I didn’t.”

53. “Fuck you.” “Not with that attitude.”

54. “90% of people admit to having at least a slight bondage kink, and 10% are lying about it.”

55. “I don’t understand why you won’t just use a map on your phone.”

56. “You know my house has a door? You don’t always have to use the window.”

57. “The truth is, my friends dared me to ask you out, but I’m really glad they did.”

58. “You know, I was joking in that birthday card when I said I’d help you hide a body.”

59. “Can we please turn off this song.” “But it’s a masterpiece .”

60. “I’ve known you for two years and I think I’ve been saying your name wrong the whole time.”

61. “Wow, you really are blind!” “Thanks for the update, can I have my glasses back now?”

62. “It might be petty but you borrowed my pencil three weeks ago and I’m gonna need it back.”

63. “I think they have a crush on you, which sucks because I’m kinda into them.”

64. “Just go and talk to them, they dont bite!” “What if biting turns me on? If they dont do it then what’s the point?”

65. “You can’t say that in front of children!”

67. “Seven years old is practically an adult.”

68. “Dude I ordered this on eBay and you have to see what they sent me.”

69. “I didn’t realise it meant so much to you.”

70. “I wish I was sorry, but I don’t regret any of it.”

71. “My friend thinks you’re cute, personally I don’t get it but this isn’t about me right now.”

72. “Not everything is about you!” “Untrue.”

73. “You can pry it from my cold, dead hands.”

74. “This is why I hate family dinners! It always gets awkward.”

75. “This can only end two ways and neither of them are pretty.”

76. “Not everything can be butterflies and rainbows! Things get hard sometimes, that’s just how it is!”

77. “My mom told me I shouldn’t talk to strangers, and you’re definitely strange.”

78. “I can’t believe you fell asleep when I was showing you my favourite movie of all time.”

79. “You shouldn’t be out here alone, it’s dangerous.”

80. “I could lie here with you forever. I wish I didnt have to leave.”

81. “Everything’s changing and I hate it! I liked the way things were.”

82. “You look so incredible, if that didn’t look so good on you I’d probably tear it off.”

83. “Do you think they noticed that we left?”

84. “The funny thing is, you could have fixed this and you didn’t even try.”

85. “Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? I’m only asking because it hurt when I did and I thought I might have done it wrong.”

86. “That was super cheesy and I’m lactose intolerant.”

87. “You didn’t tell me you were gay!” “You didn’t tell me you weren’t.”

88. “Your friend told me you had a crush on me, I just wanted to let you know your friend is a snake.”

89. “Are you staring at me or are you staring past me?”

90. “If you we’re a guy/girl would you go out with me?” “I am a guy/girl.”

91. “Sounds stupid. When are we doing it?”

92. “Can we tell my parents that I’m at your house, just incase they get suspicious?”

93. “This is the part in the movie where we kiss or one of us dies. My fingers are crossed for option one.” “Speak for yourself.”

94. “I’m offended that you don’t have more faith in me but, honestly, it’s understandable given past experience.”

95. “Its just a blind date! What’s the worst that could happen?” “I could literally die.”

96. “I would light myself on fire to keep you warm and you wouldn’t even hand me a coat if I were freezing.”

97. “I trusted you, and so I guess I should have seen this coming.”

98. “I had a really weird sex dream about you and I’m not sure how I feel about it, honestly.”

99. “Okay, but this is the last time I bail you out!”

100. “All I know is that if you don’t tell me to stop I’m going to kiss you.”

101. “I’m not sure when it happened, but I fell in love with you, and it was the best thing I’ve ever done.”

#these are dumb #but i was really bored #writing #prompts #writing prompt #fandom #imagines #riverdale imagines #fanfic #fanfiction #riverdale fanfic

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