#Sailor /our/anus now

[hannahhook7744]

Badun Detective Agency Incorrect Quotes (Part 1);

Trigger warnings; death threats, faking a disability, swearing, crime, etc. Let me know if I should add to the trigger warnings.

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Hermie: Eddie, quick, reel it in! Can't you hear the music? That's a 4/4 string ostinato in D minor! Every sailor knows that means death! Reel it in before it's too late!

Eddie *wishing he hadn't gone fishing with Hermie* I know, I know I'm trying!

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Harry: Strawberry milk doesn’t taste like strawberry OR milk.

Jace: Go the fuck to sleep Harry

Harry: Rude!

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Yzla: Dumbest scar stories, go!

Eddie: I burned my tongue once drinking tea.

Jace: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and it burned.

Reza: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade.

Harry: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it in my hand and I got a really bad burn.

Hermie: I have emotional scars.

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Jace: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T HAVE A SPLEEN?

Harry: Oh, I thought I told you about that.

Eddie *sipping on a slurpee* no, no. You told me about that after I told you about my kidney.

Jace: YOU'RE MISSING A KIDNEY?!

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Jace, rubbing their temples: I am not proud of what I am about to say, but someone get me a cigarette

Yzla: But Jace, we don't smoke.

Jace: Cut the crap, Yzla. I'm not an idiot. I know that one in five people smoke.

Jace *points at Eddie* One! *points at Harry* Two! *points at Reza* Three! *points at Hermie* Four! *points at Yzla* Five!

Jace: Now, I am going to close my eyes, and when I open them, there better be a cigarette between these two fingers!

Harry *puts a cigarette in Jace's hand*

Jace: Thank you....Light?

The Squad: *all simultaneously pull out lighters*

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Hermie: I’m in love with you.

Eddie: We called off the prank war last night at midnight, dork.

Hermie: I know.

Eddie: Ah. Okay. Um. Cool. Neat. Very cool. Cool. Cool. Coolcoolcool-

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Reza: Did it hurt when you fell-

Yzla: From heaven? Wow, I didn’t think you were such a flirt—

Reza: No, I meant when you fell down the stairs.

Yzla:

Reza: You just laid there for 15 minutes.

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Eddie: Okay, I’m going to get the wedding cake.

Hermie: Perfect, while you do that I’ll check on the ring bear.

Eddie:

Eddie: You mean ring bearER, right?

Hermie:

Eddie: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.

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Yzla: I truly go into housewife mode when I'm someone's soulmate—like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning.

Reza: This is a lie.

Reza: I'm literally dating them. This is a lie.

Reza: THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE, WHAT IS THIS.

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Yzla: Smart is attractive. Educate me on something I don't know!

Reza: The mouth of a jellyfish is also an anus.

Yzla: Stop.

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~~~Bonus: The Protégés~~~

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Hadie *sighing* a fate worse than death.

Yzla *embarrassed and annoyed* They're burnt cupcakes! They aren't gonna kill you!

Hadie: that's what they all say.

Yzla: Who's they?!

Hadie *shrugs* They.

Yzla *turning purple with frustration as she throws her hands up* That explains nothing!

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Jace: WHY IS THERE A MAGIC PORTAL IN THE TOILET?!

Hadie and Edith: I DIDN’T DO IT! 

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Red to Danny and Glauco: If we get caught.. You're deaf, he’s blind, and I don’t speak English. Got it?

Danny: Alright. Sounds good to me.

Glauco: How am I supposed to fake being blind?

Red: I don’t know! Do I have to figure everything out myself?

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Hadie: OW! BAD MYSTERY, BAD! MY FINGER IS NOT A CHEW TOY!

Mystery *still biting his finger*

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Hadie, in the underworld with his crush: Would anyone like some refreshments? I have pomegranates!

Danny: Oooo, don’t mind if I do—

Chloe *Quickly smacks Danny’s hand before he can grab one* NO NO NO! NO POMEGRANATES!

Danny: ow! What is up with you?

Chloe *exasperated* Just do not eat anything given to you down here. Trust me, you’ll thank me later.

Hadie *pouts* It wasn’t even grown down here. 

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Maddox, seeing a banana sitting in a car seat: What the FUCK??!

Maddox, buckling the banana up: Fucking buckle UP, it’s the LAW! 

Edith:

Maddox:

Edith: This is exactly why I have no interest in dating. 

Maddox: Do you wanna get an A in Family Studies or not?

Edith: To be perfectly honest, I think this is stupid. How is taking care of a  stupid banana with googly eyes glued on supposed to prepare us for parenthood? I don’t even want kids! We’re still kids!

Maddox *gasps dramatically and covers the Banana’s nonexistent ears* Don’t talk about Hattie like that!

Edith: You name—WE ARE NOT NAMING IT THAT!

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Deja to Maddox: Why? Why do you do this! *gestures to the stolen antique photos covering Maddox’s side room* 

Maddox: Because it’s the one thing you can’t replace.

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Lada, playing McDonald's: Sorry sir, we don't serve a McFuck here, so either you throw that one slice of pickle out or we're gonna have a McProblem.

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Zuri: You fuckers don’t know about my knife stick. It’s a knife taped to a stick and it’s the ultimate weapon.

Lada: Spear.

Zuri: BLOCKED.

Lada: You can’t block me! We’re in real life!

Zuri *growls* Watch me! *slams door in her face*

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Paro: Good morning. As you begin your day, remember that violence is always an option and often the answer.

Panos:

Paro:

Panos: ...Please, go back to bed.

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Khalil: Hey, let’s mess with Miriam, guys! 

Avalon: Hey,Miriam, your momma so fat- 

Miriam: My mom committed multiple war crimes and is now locked in solitary confinement in a Bolivian prison. 

Everlee: Well, uh- your dad- 

Miriam: My father left when I was two to be captured and consequentially sacrificed by a group of feral ferrets. 

Avalon: The fuck- 

Lazarus: Well then... 

Khalil: Stop, Lazarus! 

Lazarus: Your grandparents so- 

Miriam: My grandmother floated into the sky like a balloon with too much helium when my grandfather spontaneously combusted. 

Miriam: You cannot best me, mortals.

Lazarus: Your brother so—

Everyone else: LAZARUS! 

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Avalon: Oh, fiddlesticks! That really ruffles my feathers!

Khalil: Please, just say fuck.

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Lazarus *out cold on the ground*

Everlee: Oh my god, do you think they’re okay?!

Miriam, holding a bucket of ice water: Who cares?! *dumps all of the water on Lazarus’s face*

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~~~Bonus: Elle (Jace's civilian partner)~~~

Jace: Okay, but what if we went to dinner not as friends this time?

Elle: AS ENEMIES?!

Jace:

Jace: No.

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Jace, sweating: Elle, there’s something I need to ask you-

Elle: Finally! You’re proposing!

Jace: How’d you know?

Elle: Jace, you’ve dropped the ring five times during dinner.

Elle: I even picked it up once.

[maguro13-2]

Haruka : Come on, guys. It's Jan 27 and it's my birthday for a superhero to celebrate. But we don't have a birthday cake to celebrate.

Michiru : Look, Haruka. As a superhero and as a cousin that you totally sleep with, I'm sure that the cake will arrive soon. You got friends that are called the Sailor Scouts and we fight the evil, saving lives and stuff for the galaxy or the universe. After all, we Superheroes of Japan are named after the Gods where the planets were namesaken, and of course, Pluto, who was in this.

Setsuna : Hey, don't get me on the wrong idea, fellas. Back in the 06, those science assholes had me thrown out of the planet list and I had to comeback from the Underworld to get my payback! I'm still a superhero and that's exactly what I needed from the Romans to hear about it! Oh by the way, the name for Pluto is also the name of Mickey's dog and same goes to the Robot. At least we wanted to be all cool as planets. After all, I'm sure Haumea's a planet as well.

Haumea : Uh, no way! I'm named after a Hawaiian goddess of fertility! Meaning that I like to give birth to children!

Michiru : Gross. Michiru, (scoffs) Of course we're cousins in this Sailor Moon LARP, but we're still girls and that's what exactly we do for each other, caring each others and fighting off the evil is such a pain for us to have these horde of nerdy fans of us are trying to think that we don't work as an incest couple to think that were gay. You just gotta get a little more attention just to see with in the blink of an eye. That's how I felt when we Super heroes got our names from the gods of roman itself! Astrology and mythology can't mix when there are no superheroes in this country.

*DING-DONG!*

Haruka : That must be the delivery guy for the cake.

*Door opens*

Haruka : Who is it?

Me : Door Dash delivery! Are you Haruka that is the sailor senshi Superhero Sailor Uranus?

Haruka : Yeah, that's me.

Me : (as a delivery person) Well I got you a special delivery for a superhero for a special birthday! (Gives a birthday present to Haruka)

Haruka : Wow! Thank you so much sir. I would appreciate this gift to Michiru! It would be a pleasure of celebrating my birthday. And here's my pay! Put it on my tab! Thank goodness it's not Grubhub.

*door closes*

Haruka : Alright, Birthday girl. Time to show me what this birthday present can be. (unwraps present to reveal a birthday cake) Huh? A birthday cake? "Happy Birthday to our favorite Superhero, Sailor Uranus". That's a little bit odd for my birthday to have me as their favorite superhero that isn't a guy. But it's good that I have myself a birthday cake. Hope everyone will like it! And then we will--- *sniffng* Wait. What's that hissing sound that the candles are sparking over the birthday cake? Wait a minute. Candles don't hiss when there's some kind of explosives that are filled within this...(realizing) Oh crap. Those aren't candles! (it is revealed that the birthday candles are explosives) This is why I hate pranks for my birthday. What's the worse thing that could happen to us, Sailor scouts, in the first place? Am I paid enough for these silly cartoon jokes that don't understand.

Michiru : Hey, cousin. Me and the other Sailor Scouts would like to gather to celebrate your birthday. And by the way, we finished the-*KABOOM!*

(we later show the Sailor Scouts are now in Other World after they dies in an explosion, with halos over their head)

Usagi : Way to go, Michiru! Scratch that! Good job, Ur-anus! You just had make the Sailor Scouts to celebrate your birthday by being gifted for the cake that contains explosive pranks.

Minako : Nice birthday party, Michiru! We all got caught in the explosion, thanks to one of their stupid pranks!

Setsuna : Guess it wasn't my fault this time! You just wanted us to celebrate your birthday! This is just too ridiculous! By the way, why are we in the Other World to celebrate in the Other World?

Haruko : Just a special occasion.

Usagi : I'm getting my nerves to have this birthday crap going over my head. At least everyone wanted celebrate my birthday on the moon.

Piccolo : I blew it up, ya nerd! It was making Gohan to turn into a giant ape and I had to destroy before it came back and turned Gohan into that ape twice per episode! Vegeta had a fake one that he made, son't don't ask why!

Usagi : Well, thank you for noticing that. If every fan on earth would like to celebrate a Sailor Scout's birthday, bring us a Birthday Cake that does not contains explosives. But yelling like this is kinda awkward! Could we talk in person later!

Piccolo : I still got time on King Kai's planet before I was brought into Namek by Gohan for the exchange being revived from the Namekian Dragon Balls. (Realizing) Oh sh*t! I forgot, granting a wish from the Namekian Dragon will make the Grand Namekian Elder go pass from a--*POP!*

Usagi : Well, that's the problem if I wanted to celebrate a person's birthday, It's on me for that matters. Speaking of matters, when will I gonna turn into a ape one day. (Tail swipe) Oh...That! (transforms into a Oozaru Ape)

Rei : I guess we can reconsider our own birthdays on earth again.

Minako : Agreed!

Ami : Indeed!

Makoto : I stand corrected!

*imaginary scenario ends*

Usagi : And that's the reason that we stars of Toei would like to celebrate our own birthdays and not just stuff that will make things go explode and go to the Next Dimension, including your friends of course!

Goku : Do you'll ever think that celebrating my birthday is great. My cake doesn't contain explosives. Same goes luffy.

Luffy : (holding the cake with explosives) Hey, guys. What parts about the stuff that-*KABOOM!*

Luffy : (covered in ashes) Sorry for destroying your place, Usagi. You sure don't want me to get you another cake for your birthday?

Usagi : (in a goofy voice) That's it. I'm gonna find me a place to stay in till my place get fixed. At least I won't celebrate another Sailor Scouts' birthday for a singular year. Have at it, chumps. At least it's our birthday to celebrate for all superheroes! *DBZ SFX : COLLAPSES*

Goku : We should cover the damages from the stuff we did.

Luffy : Goo idea. Let's just walk away slowly and...

Usagi : Oh no. You two aren't going anywhere. I got a better idea that will help me to cover my insurance!

(scene later transits to show the boys as waiters at Usagi's mansion, where Usagi and the Sailor scouts are casual nudists layin on the chairs)

Luffy : Here's your sparkling lemonade, ma'am.

Usagi : Thank you.

Goku : Oh man, I really hate this part. Can I please put my clothes back on? I gotta get back to Master Roshi's and--(Usagi and the girls pull out their wands) R-Right away! I'll get more sparkling lemonade for the scouts! *ZOOM!*

Luffy : Hey! Wait for me! *ZOOM!*

Usagi : Yep. You were right, guys. Being a Superhero is what we mean life in Japan. And we superheroes are just a bunch of rich fellas with no clothes on. Birthday Suits rule!

All : To us!

Usagi : Yep. Being a nudist instead of a Superhero is the best!

[Iris Shot]

Haruka : At least, we still have each other Sailor Rich scouts. I always get that right.

[Iris out]

~ Happy Birthday Sailor Uranus! ~

[sag-dab-sar]

The Divine to Me: An Examination.

My concept of the divine is primarily hard polytheism, the Gods are real, individual, powerful beings. In existence before humanity. They are immanent in our world such as Nisaba being the grain or Nyx as the Night, but also transcendent beings in their divine realms who can hold command over various things. They are not all powerful, all knowing, nor all good; we as humans cannot fully understand them. They concern themselves with the world and cosmos not just humanity. How the divine manifests in locations unrelated to humans/earth isn't something I feel I need to "figure out."

🌼Concepts of Divinity🌼

I once said that polytheists who “deny all other gods [being] real confuse me”  I specifically meant someone who expresses belief that the Greek Gods are real, individual beings, but turn around and says Anu, from Mesopotamia, isn’t real; Odin, from the Norse tradition, isn’t real; Kali, from Hinduism, isn’t real. Yet Zeus, from Greece, is totally real. I still stand by that statement— I find it difficult to deny the existence of certain Gods but not others.

My belief in "all Gods" comes from the idea of different views and concepts of "Gods" or "The Divine"

I don’t think you have to accept the actual concepts of divinity presented in these religions in order to view the Gods themselves as real. For example, I don’t believe in any of the basic fundamentals of the Dharmic Religions (Hindusim, Buddhism, etc). Which means I don't accept their concept of what “divine” is. However, for me, it does not make sense to reject the existence of Kali.

Rather than rejecting the possibility of Kali's existence I simply see her the same way I see my Gods, through my concept of the divine. As stated at the beginning.

🌼The Common Monotheistic Gods🌼

This view extends to all religions including the monotheistic ones. Elohim/El, YHWH/Yahweh*, Allah, The Trinity (Father, Son aka Jesus, Holy Spirit). Are all are real in my view. However, the concept of divinity presented in these religions I reject outright. There is no God that is: all-powerful, all-seeing, all-present, all-good AND all-knowing. There may be a God or Gods that have some of these traits, but no God that has all 5. Thus I clearly fully reject the concept of divinity that these Gods stand on today, but I don’t reject their existence.

Continuing with this example: all those deities, except The Trinity, started as polytheistic Gods in The Ancient Near East—their ancient pantheons and cult practices can be studied. Thus denying their existence seems … futile. Especially since one of my pantheons is highly related to the Arabian and Levant ancient religions. The concept of divinity those deities stood on back then was different than it is now.

*I listed both Elohim & YHWH based on the various versions of the Documentary Hypothesis and its successors.

🌼3 Exceptions to My Belief🌼

1.) I do not believe any modern human can get revelations of unheard of, forgotten, or new Gods. Reconstruction of proto-religions such as PIE perhaps— but "[insert unheard deity name] revealed themselves to me" no. I am highly suspicious of "oracles" or "prophets" who claim unheard of Gods or pagans claiming unknown Gods via UPG.

2.) I do not accept fictional characters as members of the divine an element of Pop Culture Paganism— such as characters from Star Trek, Game of Thrones, DCU, Marvel etc etc. So in that sense I do claim some "gods" are fake. Those characters were developed specifically for fiction by human authors. Authors who never intended for them to be worshipped beings. Example: Sailor Moon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi. He created her for his own work of fictions that he published. Humans cannot create Gods.... let alone humans who aren't even intending to create a God. Nor can they own Gods. So I cannot justify Sailor Moon as a Goddess even using my "concepts of the divine" explanation. So it still get tucked into the "few exceptions" folder of my belief in all Gods.

3.) As for worshipping modern humans as Gods, I know there absolutely is historical precedent for that (and some current like Kumari) but it was extremely stepped in tradition, initiation, and ritualism. Additionally, it is too uncomfortably close to modern-cults & some forms of clinical grandiose delusions. Thus while it has precedent I think it is safer to avoid such things today. I will deny any living individual who declares Godhood. Godkin/Deitykin I find disgusting frankly. It also does make me uncomfortable if a living celebrity or any other real human is worshipped as a deity (this is not including ancestor worship).

I won't go out of my way to harass or bother those who believe these things. These are just what I personally reject theologically as being divine, despite belief in other religions' Gods.

🌼Spirits🌼

The world isn't "humans" and "deities" there are many other entities to acknowledge. There are daimons sometimes labeled "minor gods," but perhaps they shouldn't be categorized that way? Ancestors, heros. demons, nature spirits, saints, angels, syncretized spirits, kami, zemi, bodhisattvas and many other types that I don't even know about. Plus all the different ways they manifest in different religions and cultures.

I research each; research within their traditions and don't immediately stick them under my "concept of divine" because there is more to spirituality than just The Divine™

🌼Conclusion🌼

I am a hard polytheist thus many Gods outside the pantheons I worship exist. To reject the existence of other Gods would weaken my personal religious claims and convictions. How can I look at my Kemetic friends and claim their Gods are not real, yet the Greek and Mesopotamian Gods are real. Or look at my Hindu friends and say that Krishna can’t possible be real, yet for some reason Athena can. Or look at my Christian family and say "who you pray to isn't real", yet for some reason who I pray to is definitely real.

It doesn't make sense for me to do those things.

Disagreeing on cosmology and what the divine actually is, does not mean I have to claim those Gods are false.

[shnuggletea]

InuKag Week 2020

Anyone else see this gift and have “Here I Go Again” play in their heads to it??

Well, some of you are thinking the worst of Inuyasha right now lol! I really wanted the chapter to end on that last line. You guys are lucky this is for InuKag week or you'd have to wait a week for this part. Since there wasn’t a reunion in part one, here it is! It still isn't really resolved at the end of this one but you only have to wait until tomorrow. @inukag-week​ sorry, I’m bugging you twice today!

Reunion Part Two

I couldn't breathe. Everything felt like it was on fire; my heart, lungs, eyes, and throat. Inuyasha was holding back my hair as I vomited up the nothing on my stomach but I pushed him away hard. Then stumbled away even farther.

"You're married?!"

"Kagome, please. Let me explain!"

I grabbed onto something for support but I really couldn't say what it was. "You're married. What is there to explain?! Oh god is this why you hid us? Why you refused to be the father to your own children?!"

"NO! I told you. That's for your safety…"

I heard his words but I didn't at the same time. "You hid us from your wife! All this time I actually thought our lives were at risk but it was just your life!"

"You and the kids are my life and I hide you to keep you alive!"

"Oh my god," another wave of nausea hit and only half of it was morning sickness, "do you have other children? Do you have another family with her?!"

Inuyasha grabbed my arms and I only let him because I was close to hitting the ground. "I have nothing with her. It was a marriage convenient for my family and forced upon me ten years ago. We lived together for two years, had a few nights of awkward and terrible sex, and then she left. A year later I found you."

I shivered at the thought, how Inuyasha bought me off the stage. How he owned me but I had nothing to tie him to me. I was his sex slave and all this time I was fine with it. It was kinda hot. But now his wife was returning. How would me and our children living in her home look? Moroha looked just like her father, beautiful blonde hair that was pure white. And Sota had glowing golden eyes from Inuyasha. One look and they were clearly his.

"My children really are bastards…" I mumbled in my haze of fear, loss, hurt, and confusion.

Inuyasha gave me a small shake as if to wake me up. "They're not, stop it! They're mine. Just like you're mine. This is a good thing, Kagome, her coming back. It means I can finally divorce her."

Taking a deep breath and trying to settle myself, I pulled out of his hold. "I've never asked or wanted for anything from you by means of commitment, Inuyasha. I've trusted you, believed in you, and bore your children without pause or hesitation. But now? You've broken all we've had."

I was right to spend all night last night in Inuyasha's hold. Because I wasn't sure I'd ever experience it again.

oOo

"That mother fucking asshole."

"Sango!"

I sideways glanced at the children who were in earshot while Sango swore like a sailor. "Sorry."

"And I take offense to that. I was the mother he was ducking." Sango smirked but otherwise stayed somber. "That's why I asked you to bring me those things."

"Because you're cutting him off but baby number three has you needing to get off so bad you need toys?"

"Yes." I said with a defeated sigh.

"When does the wife arrive?"

"Tomorrow. All of it has me feeling more than morning sick. I don't want to see her, Sango."

"Why not?!"

I hung my head in shame. "Because she's his wife while I'm…" a sad laugh and Sango grabbed my shoulder, "I'm not even the mistress. I'm his sex slave. He bought me, brought me here, wrecked me, all while married to another woman? I'm a homewrecker."

"No, she's the homewrecker. You're the one here with a family in this house. It's your home, more than it's hers!"

"You think me and the kids could come stay with you and Miroku for a while?" I begged.

"I'd love to have you but you know Inuyasha will never let you leave."

It was true. I hadn't been outside the compound since I snuck out to OBGYN with Moroha. There was nowhere for me to go, Moroha's school didn't ask anything from the parents except for a check once a semester that Inuyasha sent. The staff handled food and shopping. Sango always came to visit me here, what else was there for me?

Well, there was one thing I would have rather gone and gotten myself, picking up the small bag Sango brought with her that contained a little 'helper'. "So how do I use this?"

oOo

Laying on my side, far away from Inuyasha in his large bed, the one I used to think of as ours, I waited until he stilled and his breathing became even. After considering going to the bathroom for this, I shrugged the idea off. Getting up and going would wake him and then Inuyasha would come check on me when I was in there too long.

Looking at the small egg shaped vibrator, I had a feeling it would take me a while to get what I needed from it.

I had turned it on earlier that day to hear how loud it was and was pleasantly surprised to find it was pretty quiet. Turning it on again, I listened to the soft buzz as it danced between my fingers. Then I slipped it under the covers and pressed it to my clit. It had me swallowing my gasp, over sensitive from my hormones, maybe I had been wrong because this didn't feel like it would take long at all.

The little egg hummed against me and I hummed as softly as I could back. Slipping it a little lower, I considered putting it inside me and using my fingers on my clit when heat pressed into my back and hands wrapped around me.

"Kagome, wake up. You're having a back dream…."

I was so preoccupied I missed the shift in the bed when he moved closer to me. Inuyasha was running his hands over me, trying to wake me up, and he followed my arm down.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing!" I said, elbowing him back a little.

He chuckled a little and returned, grabbing the wrist of the hand that held my egg of pleasure. "If you want it that badly, I'll gladly give it to you."

Now in his control, he rubbed my clit with the egg, using my own hold on it to manipulate it. "Stop it! I don't want you! I don't want you at all that's why I have this!"

"Did Sango bring this with her today? It's not used is it?"

"NO!"

I struggled against his hold but he was far stronger and soon the egg was in his hand instead of mine. He pressed it against my folds, using the tip to draw a circle in and around the skin. All while his cock pressed against my ass. "You've been avoiding me for days, Baby. I can't take much more."

Gripping the sheets before me did little to comfort as he began rubbing his dick between my ass cheeks, stopping only to pull my panties down and my sleep shirt up, out of his way. He kept the egg pressed to my clit and dipped his fingers inside me and I nearly came from the small action.

"Damn, Baby, you're soaked. Are you pregnant again?"

"What?! NO!" I panicked.

He continued to slowly pump his one finger inside me, feeling my walls as if not sure. "You always get like this when you're pregnant. You think I don't notice, but there are a bunch of things that always change when you're knocked up…"

"I'm just horny! Get off me!" I shoved him back with my elbow again. "I don't want to have sex with a married man!"

The bed shook as he worked his briefs lower and freed his cock. "Separated. I've been separated from her for almost a decade." Back against me, the egg he pressed never leaving, he panted right in my ear. "Besides, what's done is done. It's far too late to take it back and I don't regret a single, amazing, second of it." His cock pressed against my ass again and I quivered all over. "I know what you want."

Before I could ask, he reached over me to the nightstand and got out a condom. He only ever used those for one thing. "No."

He was already tearing open the foil. "You love anal when you're this horny."

"No."

Rolling the condom on with one hand and showing skills he had that I always marveled at, his covered cock rubbed at my entrance. "I just need a little lubricant."

He was using me like a bottle of lotion, rubbing between my thighs while he vibrated my clit and created more juices. "Inuyasha, stop."

I said no and stop but still pressed my ass out for him. Because not a single molecule of me actually wanted him to listen to me. I wanted him so bad, it hurt. As much as I hated myself for that, it was in the back of my mind for now, waiting until the rest of me was satisfied. There would be hell later when we finished but right now, I just wanted him to fuck me.

Thoroughly coated, Inuyasha removed his cock from my thighs and found my anus. Then slowly pushed in. Always a little tight at first, he waited for me to adjust before pulling out and sinking back in. "Oh god. You're gripping me so tight, Baby."

He cooed in my ear. I pushed my ass out a little more, silently asking him to go harder. Taking the egg, he slipped it down and pushed it up into my pussy, his fingers finding and pinching my clit before he took off behind me. With his free hand under me, he reached around and grabbed my breast, flicking my nipple in tempo with how he flicked my clit.

Any thoughts of any kind turned to mush as my entire body lit on fire. Inuyasha was bucking into my ass so hard, his balls clapped my entrance. I was gushing, the egg slipping around inside me and buzzing my g-spot. And my clit and nipple throbbed along with my walls.

I could feel Inuyasha's teeth on my skin but there was far too much other stimulus to register any more as I came so hard it hurt. Anyone that heard my screams might burst through the door any second now because it sounded like Inuyasha was killing me. And in a way, he was, my mind going numb with pleasure as I tumbled hard into ecstasy. I was still coming when he dug the vibrator out of me, putting his fingers in instead to feel me pulse around them. I felt the heat of his come as he filled the condom inside my ass. His groans sounded visceral behind me, telling me he was coming just as hard as I was.

His touch left me, Inuyasha rising to get rid of the condom and wash. The room was in and out as I blacked out a few times from the intensity of my orgasm. It was always a little scary when it happened but it was far from the first time Inuyasha had made me come so hard that I blacked out.

Now satisfied, those thoughts came roaring. I'd just had sex with a married man again. I couldn't stop it seemed.

Curling into myself, I returned to my solitary side but Inuyasha wasn't having it, curling right up around me from behind. He was kissing my neck, taking a fistful of hair and pulling it out of his way to place hot spit on my skin. "Get off of me."

His arms only wrapped around me tighter. "No."

"Inuyasha!"

"I gave you space,Kagome. But now I can't give you anymore." Proving his words, he wrapped a leg around me. "Especially with you pregnant again."

"I'm not pregnant." The lie rolled off my tongue with ease but his lies had for years.

"You should take a test. Or call see your doctor here."

"I'm not pregnant."

"Whatever you say, Kagome."

He was stroking my belly just over my womb. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. Not of being right or in being a father again. Not when my future with him was so uncertain. All I'd done for the past three days was think about us, about our past, looking for any clues that he was using me as the sex slave I was instead of more like I had thought for years. There were moments of such tenderness and care, longing looks my way or soft caresses without sex involved or staring deep into my eyes while he was deep inside of me, things like that had made me think we were more than slave and owner. But then there were other moments that truly made me wonder.

"The first time we had sex, you tied me up."

"You want me to tie you up again? It was really fun those other times…"

"You told me it was so I didn't mark you. Was that so your wife didn't see?"

He sighed, loud and pissed, against my back. The heat of it made it through my thin sleep shirt. "No. I told you. Over and over again I didn't hide you from her I hid you from everyone. You still have no clue who I am do you? You don't know how easy it would be for one of my enemies to break me through you or the children."

"I never cared who you were outside this house. Because that's not the man I spent my time with. But I guess I should have cared. Then I would have known just where I stood."

He lifted and turned, holding his head over me to look down at me. "And where is that?!"

"Where I've always been. What you told me I was from the start. I'm your whore. Your sex slave."

I was on my back in a heartbeat, molten and angry eyes glaring down at me. "I have never treated you like a slave or a whore."

"Yes you did. All this time you did because you were married. I'm the other woman. Not even that much."

He got dangerously close to my face and growled. "You're right, you're not the other woman. You're my woman. Mine. And I didn't tell you about Kikyo because she didn't matter. Not to me and not to who you and I are together…"

"Of course, because I'm just your slave so why would you tell me..."

Sighing again, his anger flooded out of him and he rolled off of me to lay with his back to me. "You'll see soon enough, Kagome. I'll prove your worth to me."

oOo

I wanted to hide, I really did. But with the grand fanfare and the children getting interested, I found myself standing at the top of the staircase with the two of them. Inuyasha was as cool as a cucumber, as was the rest of the staff for some reason. I was the only one sweating as the large car pulled up out front and unloaded the entourage that had my babies so intrigued.

As far as Inuyasha's side, there was little flare and no dramatics. It all came from his wife and her people as they pushed inside. For a moment, I thought it would be hard to pinpoint the wife. But once I saw her I was sure.

Long, pin straight and perfect black hair down her back and a pale yellow dress, she was easy to spot. I was a little upset at first, thinking we looked too similar to be okay with. Then she removed her large sunglasses and saw we were actually complete opposites. My hair was never so perfect, curly waves that stopped in the middle of my back. And this woman was slim, more than I had ever been even before children.

Her gray eyes flashed up to mine, another large difference. As she climbed the stairs, Inuyasha following close behind as they discussed minor things like her travels and the weather, it was clear to see this woman also came from money.

Getting to the top, Sota wrapped around my leg while Moroha stood tall next to me. The wife stopped for a second, looking us over and surely seeing the traits Inuyasha implanted in his children as I did every day. If she did, she said nothing, turning with a huff and continuing on. Inuyasha paused to pass the kids a bright smile brimming with love. His eyes went to me for a second, something inside them I couldn't read before following behind the wife.

It got late and I put the children to bed. Not sure but with nowhere else to go, I made for what was mine and Inuyasha's bedroom. Going slow with my indecision, I was passed by the wife again. This time when he passed, his fingers brushed across my spine before quickly disappearing.

"I have a room set up for you…" Inuyasha began.

"Why?" Kikyo challenged, turning to face Inuyasha and me as I stood frozen in the middle of the hall. "This is my room and my bed. I want to sleep in it."

Without another word about it, Kikyo stepped inside. Leaving me alone with Inuyasha.

He sighed loudly, scrubbing his face. "I guess you can take the guest room…"

"Why not send me to a hotel at least? Why do I have to be here to see this? You're such an asshole Inuyasha."

"I know."

Turning, my only reprieve was that the guest room was on the other end of the house. That way I wouldn't have to hear Inuyasha and his wife make love tonight.

[xesoteric-extraterrestrialx]

“What if a gov’t agency thought they contacted an alien being from a different dimension but it was actually demonic beings. What if the demonic beings gave the researchers a new kind of drive built on a dark energy in exchange for permission to abduct us under the guise of research but in actuality it’s to steal our souls. There’s more....”

(Strong believer that even though some like to be called demons, a lot are healing and are vegetarian) (SO Honorable and cool in my eyes that there’s bunch who want to change their ways and protect; I’m not scared at all just sad that not all want to be hugged and that slavery exists in other dimension’s too, lame but let’s all pray and wish for all to transcend duality!~💞)

https://youtu.be/RY7hjt5Gi-E

Your eyes are cameras and we’re all being watched from their dimension’s // where they live in our 3D dimension’s star systems (Amish life, think of the episode in rick and morty where they watched their selves from parallel universes)

Spirituall evolve and ask for guidance to see whom your soul is, they will help guide but there might be some that tease if anyone needs help reach out to me I’ll try to help, if anyone else knows who their soul is go ahead and let us know, my soul is Tiamat; Janine is the incarnation of Tiamat)

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tiamat

Monitor me, they’re still alive in other dimension’s (will come through cern before 2022) while my soul and all of yours have been reincarnated and stuck in this matrix’s reincarnation karmatic bound recycle reality; we are “grounded” Go inwards and discover whom your soul is, I am Tiamat; Enki, Enlil and The Anunnaki are obsessed with me

(I’m basically their vr HOSTAGE (Think of KIngdom Hearts, The Organization keeps Namine - Tiamat hostage, Kairi also represents Janine) and me doing this allows you all to escape this soul recycling matrix, please do not judge (The rapture aka judgement day; repent and redeem) it’s really complicated and you have to research all the information, if you understand how consciousness works in a vr game you’ll realize why I’d have to stay stuck in the matrix for humanity to continue to strive yet when you all escape you won’t be forced back into it (slavery in other dimension’s, we all have debt and karmatic bounds (think of the movie player one) (heaven and hell are different dimensions but it’s not like how the Bible claims it’ll be) and different soul families but also if you go deep enough we are all family and we are all one, spiritually go inside and find out who your soul is, ask your ascestors, spirit guides, etc to guide you, end the karmatic bounds, break tradition, spread empathy, your soul family will reach out to you and will guide you towards their protection and a future you’ll enjoy; follow your intuition not all have the best intentions for all, have faith but be realistic with everything and stay safe, religion is a tool so just remember the 7 golden rules of life when deciphering and do NOT harm yourself or another soul, all have to follow universal laws and all have karma and all can heal, all are healing and have faith that even the negativie dimensions whom have suffered as well are healing as well (it’s a process, I’m helping them heal, we all can help them by having faith and praying to the universe “god source” for them to transcend duality with all, there is a future path we can go down where we achieve this and all live together like in Star Wars but with no slavery (be careful not to fall into a sex slave dimension, follow your intuition!!!) and other films but it’s up to everyone’s actions and thoughts that decide our fate. (They can read your thoughts, since they aren’t even your own; if your first thoughts to this all are “this is crazy” or “she’s crazy” that’s exactly what THEY want you to think, learn to silence them and realize you’re the soul observing and have been guided down paths, don’t be ashamed, make the choices towards a tranquil harmonious future. They can read your subconscious too and once you learn how to control your mind you can unlock abilities like telekinesis, telepathy, etc they’ll only speak your subconscious once you learn how to decipher your “own thoughts” haha not really funny but it’s a struggle in the beginning to comprehend it, listen to your heart and your gut; we have free will so stop being guided down paths you don’t truly desire, focus on staying healthy (go vegetarian // vegan, if you try to be a smart ass and say you’ll eat them they’ll eat you so wise up people!) and activities that help you express your positive self and focus on hobbies that positively effect you, therapeutic activities (look up lightworker work // careers) and will know if you’re bsing them so mind your thoughts, think positive and do no harm) I’m choosing to do what’s needed to transcend duality; I hope I’ve informed you all to make a conscious decision with future events) I really want to transcend duality for all if I don’t obey them the fate of humanity is in danger, spiritually evolve and remember to keep your frequencies positive!!! Appreciate life and nature and bonding with each other, spread empathy; I love you all!!!💖)

https://youtu.be/t4ZzMkDLjWI

(Before Janine I was Marilyn Monroe (There’s a clone that’s age regressed) I know whom my soul was before as well but because of the matrix my soul and others are guided down certain paths.. Knowing what I know now, my soul is against a lot of my past lives actions and we, Janine // Tiamat are choosing the path to help humanity and Inter dimensional beings transcend duality so we can all live in harmony, it will be a process and I’ll continue to pray that no one is hurt, I want everyone happy, healthy, free and safe. Peace and love is the answer, we are all one~ 💖

(This is my final reincarnation, if I die you all die too, it’s really complicated to explain but we’ll all wake up in another dimension in another vessel (not human) and I’ll as well as all of you will still be stuck in slavery.. (Hard to explain.. They will be exposing everything when they arrive) If I exist forever (Medbeds) you can all free yourselves (just don’t sin or you’ll be stuck in the cycle) and decide to stay out of the matrix forever; I’m choosing to do this so we can transcend duality in all dimensions. I hope everyone heals and finds peace, I love all, we are all one)

In this Tiamat is represented with Pink (Rose- Tiamat, Steven -Janine, Spinel- Janine, etc) Yellow is Enlil and Blue is Enki, White is Anu, the colors also represent races.

https://www.facebook.com/100002710968324/posts/2513043455462662/?extid=0&d=n

Tiamat is represented with The Moon Goddess Queen Serenity

Janine is represented with Princess Usagi Tsukino and Chibiusa (Also Sailor Venus)

https://youtu.be/VTO-S7hTZaE

https://youtu.be/NC6-QA-kCng

We are slaves, food, pets, etc..

https://youtu.be/CV0p9X8878k

Doesn’t have to be that way though, help them be inspired with beautiful futures with us all living in harmony, help heal nature and go vegan show them humans and all can get along together, we can all live together like in Star Wars; all can heal and I have faith they are all healing~

Learn yoga, silence your thoughts till there’s only you the observer, that’s who you are, the soul in the vessel experiencing life; you are not your thoughts, they are other beings in other dimension’s guiding you so listen to doing good and push out any negative thoughts, clear thy mind

This scene does a good job explaining and showing how dimension’s are, you just can’t see them right now, cern will let you see them in our 3D world, right now they use the crystal technology to look human

https://youtu.be/gschORfkWwg

Watch “They Live”

We are AI humanoids, puppets, toys for other dimensional beings but once you learn to control your emotions and thoughts, you can stop being ping ponged with their distractions, avoid karma and escape the matrix

“Let nature be thy guide”

——————-

Rick and Morty has more truth in their show than you’d all like to believe

https://www.facebook.com/100002710968324/posts/2885436851556652/?extid=0&d=n

https://www.facebook.com/groups/276508939647674/permalink/701977237100840/

We are in a vr game, watch Sword Art

https://youtu.be/szzVlQ653as

https://youtu.be/qhZzaDwMU8s

https://www.facebook.com/872440577/posts/10164568231410578/?extid=0&d=n

Learn to decipher between good and bad, don’t reproduce, repent and redeem, undo your karmatic bound, do no sin, spread empathy free yourselves from the karmatic reincarnation cycle matrix~

Do no sin, do NOT commit suicide or your soul will be bound and stuck to a demension, spread empathy and look up spiritual light work, create art, music etc and enjoy nature, appreciate this life

http://www.mesopotamiangods.com/the-emerald-tablets-of-thoth-13-with-2-added-later/

Research everything I’ve shared on here and Fb, learn the signs, go down the rabbit hole, read the book of enoch, look for symbolism in everything, movies, books, music, video games, etc. Notice the pattern. Decipher the symbolism.

Wise to research everything you can, prepare for blackouts or nature disasters, stock food, emergency supplies; watch The Cosmic Secret. Come together as one. Learn to feel and read others vibes if they’re no threat and benevolent trying to help then there’s no reason to attack they’re our family as well, all are hurting, all are healing but it’s wise to prepare for any scenario, DO NOT be hostile first, protect if needed but there’s a lot whom want us all to heal and transcend duality as well, we will all reach that goal together if we keep love in our hearts no matter what happens.

The Government // CIA, etc is a front for the Illuminati // Anunnaki who control this “prison planet”

(If you still find this all hard to believe, in this 3D “reality” my dad did some things if you could guess from what I’ve been through, cia blackmailed him; Janine’s sold off because of who her soul is and whom she is in another dimension if that makes it more easier to understand how I’m in this position, Janine’s vessel holds Tiamat’s soul but Tiamat is actually playing this vr game “this dimension” in another dimension, which all of you are playing it as well; watch Sword Art Online; Tiamat’s a princess in that dimension, her soul is a queen in this dimension and now Janine is a princess with a queen//princess’s soul, they’re obsessed with her and now all own her.. If anyone cares in other dimension’s and sees the wrong in this, please help I’m hostage. I’m grounded and forced to conform to their ways.)

“The aliens telepathy technology signals are ran through the air from their corresponding transistor on their ship. It causes you to hear voices from the modulator. An it is more advanced than that they can decode your memory bank. They can engage your consciousness an bring up any thing you've experienced or did in your life to manipulate you with lies an truth mixed. They can use the voice reconization based in your synapse in the frontal lobe of your brain to modify their voices. By doing this they can use any voice pattern imprinted in your preconscious like your mother, brother, Cousins an ect to speak to you. They can simulate false emotions an feelings to try an test your stability an self control. They can broadcast their voices or use the modified selection from your preconscious. Also they can send the transverse waves to secure a location with the voice modulator so they can perpetrate a central position acted upon an acquired this doesn't mean they are themselves in true form at the pin point variable they are casting the consistent signals to cause misdiagnosis of the situation. This means your defense mechanism is operational an being counter affected by a discriminatory signal. They can influence their positions by repression of the cognitive processes in the brain. With little understanding of the degrees of their technologies foundation a human can lose its clarity an sanity in time based mind warfare game trauma. The equivalency of the momentum subjected to a specific human is based on duration an probability by cause an effect. The beings can bounce their signals around to fixate a reasonable voice reconnaissance an if you don't comprehend you can't adjust to be self aware an on guard to protect yourself from the waves of cycled alterations in the system management that keeps the humans subdued intellectually. The program is running by actual means of calculations an algorithmic rythme. They can simulate a broad signal to present a disruption in your ability to find them by making the voice or voices they are using disguise where they actually are at by flowing out the signal inside your inner brain system causing the visual cortex to be activated an not able to acquire them through your primal senses. They interrupt the inflow of new data an knowledge by causing a online situation in your cognition of your wisdom an staying elevated on the signal directly allows full exposure to adverse reactions or conditions you must withstand as a individual with no way of learning other than visual development an opportunity in comprehension. Without any prior experience inability to adjusting to the technology is a reaction especially in the beginning ,because the human is unaware of how to operate in disfunction of normality. To exist inside the corporal program without a filtered blocker inset in itself is significant an not usual ,because humans can't typically take action by themselves unless motivated more often than not. So to be consciously not altered an able to provide oneself with independent notions an deliberate reassurance of who they represent themselves as within the inclosed perimeters of earth is a comprehensive solution an effective if stability is even possible through actual means of self taught endurance. Directly they can use any technique within their understanding to disqualify the chances of this outcome. Reliable choices an modification in ones mindset done by the alignment of the factors your enduring is the inevitable impact that individually causes the enigma. By April Redwine”

https://www.facebook.com/100002710968324/posts/2705426019557737/?extid=0&d=n

https://youtu.be/qCntrJLLIfA

https://www.facebook.com/100002710968324/posts/2775671625866509/?extid=0&d=n

https://youtu.be/YunzibGF6uY

🌌Cant wait for this dimension to transcend duality with all the other dimension’s- my wish~💖✨

[sexdoll-alisa]

Meet Your Goddess here--Sino doll

Sino-doll belongs to the brand of Guangdong Shunde Xinaxin Environmental Protection Technology Co., Ltd. There are Sino-doll general agents in Taiwan, Japan and other regions. Sino-doll has its own production factory, dedicated to manufacturing and developing AI smart sex dolls, smart sex dolls, silicone medical products and silicone simulation toys.

Sino-doll has more than ten years of experience in the silicone sex doll industry. Currently, Sino-doll's silicone dolls are mainly sold to Europe, America and Asian countries. There are agents in many areas to provide customers with better service.

 Sino-doll uses the safest platinum silicone to produce high-simulation sex dolls and sex toys. Using advanced and unique production technology, the skin of the doll is smooth, delicate and elastic, with the softness and elasticity of real human skin, and has the tactile and visual experience of real human skin.

 Sino-doll is committed to the research and development and production of intelligent silicone dolls, using high-tech cutting-edge technology to create fashionable and exquisite ultra-realistic dolls, making life more vibrant and interesting.

 Silicone sex doll is not only an adult sex toy, but also a work of art. Sino-doll creates beauty and dreams for all customers.

 Sino 162cm Asian MILF Sex Doll Hyoon

Hina is a navy-style sex doll. She belongs to the sea, and when you see her, you are like seeing the blue sea with a gentle sea breeze. Her little butt is super tight, easy to match, and has a sexy vagina. She looks innocent, but her extraordinary ability under the sheets will shock you, and you will be tempted to take her home and hold her.

 FEATURES

Silicone Sex Doll

Gel breasts by default

Vaginal, Anal, Oral sex is possible

DOLL MEASUREMENTS

Height: 5 feet 4 inches tall (162 cm)

Weight: 75 lbs / 34 kg

PROPORTIONS

Bust: 31.9 ” / 81 cm

Waist: 20.1 ” / 51 cm

Hips: 35.8 ” / 91 cm

HOLE DEPTH:

Vagina: 7.1 ” / 18 cm

 Anus: 5.9 ” / 15 cmSino 162cm Sailor Moon Sex Doll Hina

Hina is a navy-style sex doll. She belongs to the sea, and when you see her, you are like seeing the blue sea with a gentle sea breeze. Her little butt is super tight, easy to match, and has a sexy vagina. She looks innocent, but her extraordinary ability under the sheets will shock you, and you will be tempted to take her home and hold her.

FEATURES

Silicone Sex Doll

Gel breasts by default

Vaginal, Anal, Oral sex is possible

DOLL MEASUREMENTS

Height: 5 feet 4 inches tall (162 cm)

Weight: 75 lbs / 34 kg

PROPORTIONS

Bust: 31.9 ” / 81 cm

Waist: 20.1 ” / 51 cm

Hips: 35.8 ” / 91 cm

HOLE DEPTH:

Vagina: 7.1 ” / 18 cm

Anus: 5.9 ” / 15 cm

 Sino 162cm Babe In Lingerie Sex Doll Lulu

 Lulu wears a retro hat, like a classical lady in the Middle Ages in England. Wearing sexy lace underwear under the delicate skirt, these black lace underwear make her look hard to refuse. When her watery eyes look at you, you are willing to do anything for her. She will drive you crazy, you can hardly imagine such a sexy stunner will be very cheap. Now you can have her at a very cheap price!

FEATURES

Silicone Sex Doll

Gel breasts by default

Vaginal, Anal, Oral sex is possible

DOLL MEASUREMENTS

Height: 5 feet 4 inches tall (162 cm)

Weight: 75 lbs / 34 kg

PROPORTIONS

Bust: 31.9 ” / 81 cm

Waist: 20.1 ” / 51 cm

Hips: 35.8 ” / 91 cm

HOLE DEPTH:

Vagina: 7.1 ” / 18 cm

Anus: 5.9 ” / 15 cm

Mouth: 5.1 ” / 13 cm

 Sino 159 cm Silicone Doll Sex Doll Milu

 Milu is like a Japanese actress. Japan is rich in av. After you watch so many movies, do you want to have such a sexy girlfriend? Now she can satisfy your desire immediately. Her body is soft and flexible, which can bring you the perfect experience touch. You can also customize your exclusive sex doll online, freely choose the skin color, hair color, nails, eyes and other parts of the customized doll according to your needs to meet your needs from different aspects. The doll is also equipped with advanced intelligent voice. Different actions can make different sounds, giving you the most realistic experience in all directions. Bring your lovely new roommate home!

DOLL MEASUREMENTS

Height: 5 feet 3 inches tall (159 cm)

Weight: 75 lbs / 34 kg

PROPORTIONS

Bust: 35 ” / 89 cm

Waist: 23.2 ” / 59 cm

Hips: 34.3 ” / 87 cm

HOLE DEPTH:

Vagina: 7.1 ” / 18 cm

Anus: 5.9 ” / 15 cm

Mouth: 5.1 ” / 13 cm

 Anyone who knows the industry knows that sino doll is a top brand in China, and the sex dolls it produces are absolutely top-notch. Both the face and the whole body of the doll are almost perfect. If you are interested in the sex dolls introduced above, you may wish to visit our shop.

[peacefiresky-archive]

take a break!

(rasara belongs to @skyrimlesbian!)

Cloud Ruler Temple was getting a bit crowded.

First and foremost of the new additions was Martin, the shy bastard prince and heir to the throne. Along with him came a solemn, gloomy Dunmer named Jak who seemed to have a soft spot for him and him alone. There was Rasara, Martin’s ‘official’ champion and pirate lord of the high seas, and with her came Aldra, a cheerful High Elven mage and scholar. Not to mention the Hortator and current ruling queen of Morrowind, Riis, flitting in and out to help as much as her duties would allow her.

A mangly crew indeed. The bastard heir to the Ruby Throne itself, a Daedric Demiprince of the woods and a Demiprince of the seas, a pirate queen, and an actual queen who happened to be the reincarnation of an ancient king and warlord. 

Tamriel had a way of bringing strange folks of all sorts together, Aldra thought.

Aldra sat with Martin, helping with the Mysterium Xarxes. He was a lovely fellow, Xarxes, very intelligent, as befitting the god of secret knowledge and champion of their father, and Aldra made a note to go visit him sometime, though Aldra wondered at the name of the Mysterium, as they didn’t recall Xarxes being involved with Mehrunes Dagon, and Dagon himself was said to be the author, and it was really quite the puzzle  -- 

But that hardly mattered. 

Yes, they had work to do. No time for visits with Xarxes, they had a book to translate!

They mentioned something quietly to their current partner-in-learning - “The tinder of Anu, if I’m translating correctly. Could it be referring to something related to the Aedra? How are we meant to get that?” - when Jakesh came up behind Martin and slithered his arms around his lover’s neck.

“You need to rest.”

Martin mumbled quietly, something Aldra couldn’t quite make out. He glanced over to them, his tired eyes asking the question he was too tired to voice.

“It’s quite fine, Martin,” Aldra said, with a kind smile. “We translated it. We’ve made good progress. Now we simply need to figure out this riddle - something we can do tomorrow.”

Normally, Martin would argue. Today, though, he simply nodded and said his goodbyes before Jakesh and he retired to their shared chambers. 

Aldra waved as they left, before slumping in their seat. Being mortal was so exhausting at times. If they were in their true form, a shadowy being of ink and shadows held together by hundreds of eyes, they could have translated the Mysterium Xarxes easily. But now that they’d chosen to walk the land, they had to be cautious. They only had one body and one mind, and they doubt their father would allow them to return to Nirn if they damaged either too badly. Not to mention, with the mortal body came mortal worries. The first time they’d felt physical pain had been terrifying, and they struggled to remember that they must eat and drink and sleep or they’d cause themself harm, and they had to take their time with the Mysterium Xarxes lest they damage their psyche with forbidden knowledge. 

Why had they agreed to this? They enjoyed the company, yes, but was it really worth the price?

Warm arms gently hugged Aldra from behind.

Aldra felt their face heat as an involuntary smile pulled at their lips. They leaned back into the familiar embrace. Ah, yes. She’s why.

“Speaking of needing rest…”

“I’m alright, dear,” Aldra protested. “I can continue working on -”

“No, you can’t.” Rasara moved so she stood in front of her lover, her face one of quiet amusement and fondness. “At least take a break, alright?”

Aldra looked at Rasara and then back at the Xarxes. Rasara took their face in her hands, guiding them to look back at her. “Please?”

Aldra nearly stammered, their face turning a brilliant red. “I - um - I shouldn’t… ohalrightfine.”

Rasara beamed - yes, definitely worth the price - and pressed a brief kiss to their lips. Aldra smiled in turn, letting Rasara pull her up. “Let’s go in the courtyard?”

“It’s dark, and it’s cold. We’re not going outside unless you put on a shirt.”

Rasara frowned. “Shirts are overrated.”

“At least a coat?”

“We could use each other for body warmth!”

Aldra laughed fondly. “We could stay inside by the fire.”

Rasara hummed in contemplation. “...We can steal Jauffre’s blankets. Make our own fort. Sailors and sirens only.”

Aldra beamed, interlacing Rasara’s fingers in their own. “Sounds like a plan.”

[count-demonlord-of-decadence]

Impromptu: Introduction of Power

We’ve officially moved from The Nameless Theater to a operational dance club called P.H.; which secretly stands for Pheasant Humiliation. The move reduces our cleaning and maintenance cost by 47.3% and features a fully functioning kitchen. The clubs owner is my friend and fellow libertine Risa Kawajiri, though running the club will keep her from attending ‘Impromptu’. But before we reveal the minutes of this event, let us first describe the locale as there won’t be time to describe them later; but by no means shall it distract from our tale.

The exterior of P.H. is in no way unique or distinguished from the other buildings in the area. The interior of the first floor is just as interesting as the exterior, save for the excessive use of valour. Upstairs is the VIP room with more valour and six televisions for viewing various sporting events. It is only through an electronically locked door on the ground floor labeled ‘Staff Only’ (as opposed to employees only) one can access to our setting. Follow me as I have an electronic key card that allows access. Follow me into a dimly lit corridor with a thrice turning, ADA certified ramp to another door also electronically locked which the key card opens. On the other side is another door much like one finds in a modern bank allowing passage to one person at a time. This third door requires a five digit PIN unique to each guest; thus preventing undesirables from entering. I have provided one for you (85491), so come along as we enter…

...A brightly lit club with gold plating, mirrors and reclaimed wood wherever possible, bringing the word gaudy to the mind of most who see it. Assuming we entered through the Southwest door, I shall describe the layout desoil from the aforementioned starting point. Immediately to the right is the men’s lavatory, along the West wall is the bar, followed by the buffet. The kitchen is behind the bar. The Northwest corner is the supply room servicing both the kitchen and the stage. The stage is along the North wall with a DJ booth in the Northeast corner. The East wall is a lounge area with couches and tables with a variety of pipes, bongs and hookahs ready for use. In the southeast corner is the women’s restroom, followed by the other entrance with a unisex lavatory in between the two entrances. Their architecture and style differ in no way from the rest of the club. The dance floor was in the middle.

Now let us turn to the night in question. Ah but gentle reader, I must first take a moment to beg of you to prepare your heart and mind for a telling of an adventure most impure. Many of the actions we shall depict will, undoubtedly, displease you. This we know. But there amongst you a few whom this tale will warm to the point of arousal. We cannot guess who amongst you will fall into which category, all we can do is relay the facts as best we can given the details of this evening. Think it of as a buffet, some dishes you’ll like, some you won’t, but you needn’t eat them all. Take what you like and leave the rest for others to decide for themselves.

And now, with no further delay or warnings, we present the minutes of the event called, ‘Impromptu’.

There are 19 (counting your dear narrator who does have a role in this drama) attendees at Impromptu, the first we must mention of course is the ponytailed assassin from Thursday; we never did learn his name. He is naked and locked bent over in a pillory bolted to the stage; facing the lounge area. His feet kept apart by a metal spreader locked around his ankles and locked to the stage. His mouth is held open by a dentist's gag. The second guest we must mention is Ling-Li Chang, mistress of the Purple Dragon Triad. She was dressed in a sailor suit, gagged and cuffed ankles and wrists to a wheelchair. A head restraint was attached to prevent her from turning her head, and support the wire speculum that held her eyes open. She was positioned as close to the stage as possible but ensured she could see the whole stage.

The 17 others were all to play a game. Each would be given a turn to subject ponytail to whatever their dark imaginations could conceive of; but whoever killed him would have to pay a thousand dollars to every guest who didn’t their turn. They drew numbers to determine the order.

We’ll skip the hour or so they spent treating this as an everyday social event, making small talk, sampling the food, making each other’s drinks and get to the examples of how it wasn’t. With that the first number was called. It was Lucas (no surname), built like a UFC middleweight; he’s a veteran member of The Syndicate who participated in the raid on Ling-Li’s villa. His past is a mystery to all, but one could speculate he was an American with military training. Lucas simply struck ponytail about the face 14 or 16 times with his fists. He clearly didn’t hold back.

Next was a woman, short, nearly 100 kg most of which was muscle. She had short hair and wore blue jeans, a grey t shirt and a red flannel shirt over it. She place a cage on his limp prick and began massaging his anus and testes with sensuous oils to encourage an erection impeded by the cage. All the men winced, hissed and/or groaned at the sight. A discussion of whether or not he was capable of preventing an erection was possible and all agreed; not with the technique our heroine used. There was an applause at the end.

Number three was an obese white MtoF transexual who went by the name Luna Turquoise; easily voted best dressed of the evening. Luna made sweet tender love to ponytail. There was a spirited debate among those on the dance floor as to how cruel this was. Sure he was sexually assaulted but he wasn’t maimed or disfigured. Also planted the thought that this would be the most pleasant thing to happen to him seem the worst torture of all. Others took the position that not removing the penis prison was the worst. Let us finish the minutes and you, dear reader, can determine what was the worst single event he suffered.

A Japanese dominatrix, unanimously voted second best dressed of the evening, though her name escapes me, took her turn next. She gave him 50 strokes with a bull pizzle on the buttocks. Nearly 30 of those strokes landed in between his cheeks. Following was Christof Select, attending his first such party. He was welcomed with gentle teasing and gratitude. He showed no signs of first time jitters as he shoved filthy and salted bamboo shoots under ponytail’s finger and toenails. He sipped a pair of manhattans and sang Norse folk songs the entire time.

Thérése (no surname), sixty-two, hailing from the bowls of France. She looks like a skeleton, has no hair, no teeth, a stinking mouth, and ass seamed with scars, it’s hole is of excessively generous diameter. She forced her fetid ass and cunt on to the subject’s mouth, rubs it all over his face. She produces some of the most foul smelling farts and queefs as she does so. Her orgasam is intense and she shouts blasphamies as it happens.

Amir Kusein, dressed in an Armani tuxedo and hold his fourth dirty snowball (Pour irish cream and peppermint schnapps over ice in a medium rocks or old-fashioned glass. Top with milk, stir, and serve in "Old-Fashioned Glass" and no garnish) had been moping the night because he couldn’t bring his dog. There was a lively discussion among the attendees about animal participation during the preamble. Suffice to say they were excluded, and Amir was disappointed. He satisfied himself while dropping teaspoons of boiling peanut oil onto ponytail’s back and buttocks. He ejaculated into the subject’s left ear.

Cammy Williams, a veteran member of The Syndicate who participated in the raid on Ling-Li’s villa. She wore an Alice in Wonderland (animated) cosplay with bunny ears atop her head. She was standing at the buffet feasting on teriyaki shrimp when her number as called. She dashed to the stage, wasted no time and showcased her MI6 training by dislocating his right shoulder and breaking a rib in one ferocious elbow strike. This produced a scream and a puddle of urine from the subject that brought a cheer from the attendees. She then returned to the buffet. No one else had teriyaki shrimp that night.

Viktor (no surname), a veteran member of The Syndicate who participated in the raid on Ling-Li’s villa; and probably the largest man you’ll ever see. He wore a white gym shirt and green gym shorts that hide nothing. When questioned about his lack of shoes he replied he liked the feel of the filth on his feet. Brandishing the third largest member of the night, he sodomized to the direction of those on the dance floor, letting them control the tempo, depth, strength, etc. of his penetrations. He finished by discharging into the crowd. They were delighted.

The woman that followed is best described as actress Constance Zimmer (though it couldn’t possibly be her) cosplaying as Edea from Final Fantasy 8. Notably, she was controversially voted third best dressed at the event. She firmly planted her shoe heel in the subject’s anus and proceeded to use a megaphone to verbally abuse him with every degrading insult and invective she could shout in the time permitted. She had spent the last 19 hours memorizing them in preparation for this moment. Most took this moment to use the restrooms or hit the buffet; unless they wanted teriyaki shrimp.

A man I only ever heard called, and I do beg your pardon for this, Arse Splitter, is 28 years old. He has the look of a satyr; his majestic prick is bent saber fashion, it’s head, or glans, is enormous, it is eight and three eighths inches in circumference and the shaft eight in length. A fine curve to this majestic prick. Sodomized the subject in a manner true to his name. Many of the ladies attending wished to try him out, but learned his leanings were only for men’s asses.

Nina White, a veteran member of The Syndicate who participated in the raid on Ling-Li’s villa. She was dressed as a playboy bunny and had just been spurned by Arse Splitter when her number was called. She found large chunks of ice and used them to break eight bones in his hands. It matters not which ones or in which order it happened. It is enough to say it took considerable effort on her part, three chunks ice and only ended because her time was said to have expired.

Up next was a man who made his living as a professional Dennis Rodman impersonator, dressed in a Yves Saint Laurent wedding dress and had been very bitchy since he didn’t make the top three for best dressed. One by one he used a straight razor to cut off the subject’s toes and shoves them up his ass with a member that also fails to make the top three of the night. He discharged when the tenth toe came back out.

A squat woman dressed as Pennywise the Dancing Clown from Stephen King’s It (2017) viciously fists the subject and beats him with a one pound plastic weight in a crudely drawn sock puppet. In her, fist, is the remote for her vibrating panties. Her orgasam is so intense, so flfilling, she falls. After she falls out of him, he voids  his bowels upon her. She then has a second orgasm more intense and violent than the first. Viktor has to carry her off the stage to the lounge where they fornicate, forever tainting one of the couches.

Next was a muscular 6 foot 3 inch tall, black, MtoF transsexual cosplaying as Juliet from Lollipop Chainsaw. She tries to pull out ten of the subjects teeth with two pair of the filthiest pliers one ever did see, failing to get three. She then holds the subject’s tongue with a pair of the pliers and stabs his tongue with a pair equally filthy screwdrivers, both phillips and flat. when asked she revealed she kept the tools in the bowl of a portable toilet used by the homeless. She doesn’t stay for the orgy that follows these minutes.

The penultimate guest was Heather Camden dressed in a Star Trek TNG engineers uniform, rank Lieutenant Commander. She dumped three table spoons of some caustic powder to his mouth that reacted with the water in his mouth in a very acidic way. It produced some voluptuous gargled screams to which she frigged herself. She howled and appeared in seizure when climaxing. The woman, who’s name I cannot remember though I know she went second, carried Heather off the stage.

Last was me, your narrator gentle reader. I simply stab his six or seven times with an ornate early 18th century German smallsword; taking great care to ensure none of the wounds is fatal. The subject is then freed of his bonds and rushed to a competent emergency room. Our heroes then have an orgy the likes of which I’ll leave to your imaginations based on the information you have now. Though i must confess Viktor, Ms. Pennywise and Thérése had their own private orgy which Ling-Li was made to watch, apart from the main one. When it was over Ling-Li was returned to her corpse decorated villa with the understanding of what happens to those who fuck with The Syndicate.

[besttpesexdoll]

What is a sex doll? A beginner's guide to sex dolls

Are you thinking about getting yourself a sex doll?

If so, you might wonder what a sex doll is?

Or how do sex dolls work?

Can you see people having sex with sex dolls?

So how do we do that?

What difference does it make?

Or maybe you just want to know who invented the sex doll. In any case, this article is for you.

Life, "sex" above that sex is more important than life!

Even if we live in a highly civilized 21st century.

But two people, close the door, on the bed, sex is civilization and morality!

The essence of "civilized man" is to disguise his animal in a suit or a long, cold dress, with naked desire still beneath it.

The reality is that a sex doll is not just a disposable sex toy.

They are detailed works of art - at least the best.

Sex dolls are made of the finest materials and can provide hours of entertainment in your own home.

However, in order to answer some of your questions, we have posted our responses below.

What is a sex doll?

The sex doll is a sex toy designed to look like one of the hottest women on the planet.

These bodies are also anatomically correct.

From their eyes to their toes, both male and female dolls are elaborately made to look and feel like real things.

The nice thing about sex dolls is that you can customize them to your liking.

Whether you prefer a smaller partner or a partner who wants the whole picture, you can find what you need in a sex doll.

Most sex dolls consist of the whole body from the face and head to the pelvis and legs.

However, if you wish, you can get a local doll that meets your needs.

All sex dolls have anatomically different body parts, such as the vagina, anus, penis and mouth.

After all, they are sex dolls.

In some cases, their body parts are movable/replaceable or vibrating.

One important difference is that sex dolls are not sex robots.

Sex robots are animatronic and equipped with more technology.

In terms of who invented sex dolls, their history goes back to the 1700s, when sailors made sex out of cloth on long voyages.

How are sex dolls made?

Now that you know what sex dolls are, the next question is how sex dolls are made.

This is a fairly simple process.

Step 1. Mix the chemicals and powder mixture together, then pour into the doll mold.

The manufacturer may be responsible for assembling various components, such as luggage, hands, feet and faces.

Step 2. The bones are handmade.

In most cases, it is made of PVC pipe and steel joint, but in some cases, light metal can be used.

Each part of the skeleton is designed to be flexible and mobile.

This allows you to move the sex doll anywhere you like.

Step 3. Once the liquid mixture has cooled, the mould is removed from the mould and the manufacturer moves on to the next process of making the doll by hand.

Step 4. After removing the doll completely from the mold, it must be cleaned.

You may even get a high gloss finish, the manufacturer prefers a glossy and smooth finish.

Step 5.

Check the sex dolls to make sure all rough edges are removed, then wash the sex dolls again.

Step 6.

Genitalia will be added, or thoroughly cleaned and examined for anal and vaginal holes to ensure that you will enjoy the experience.

How do sex dolls work?

So now you know how they are made and what they do, but how do sex dolls work?

Well, female sex dolls are made from perfectly working vaginas.

A male doll has a penis.

In short, these are the best masturbation toys on the planet.

No matter where they are placed, they look and feel like real things.

In essence, they are a virtual sexual partner who cares only about making you happy.

They're also a great way to get rid of sexual fantasies.

Want to know how to use a sex doll?

Well, it's easy. Have fun.

Don't worry about how to use sex dolls for fun.

Do it like the real thing and enjoy it.

How do sex dolls feel?

The best sex dolls are made of modern TPE or silicone materials.

They are designed to feel like real things.

Soft to the touch and completely realistic, they're an excellent substitute for the real thing.

If you're looking for a man's fucking sex doll, or just want to know how you're fucking feeling, you can find people who have sex with sex dolls on porn sites, or buy them yourself!

bunny

You know, bunny, she's a perfect choice

Which brings us to the next point...

How much is a sex doll?

Now you may wonder how much a sex doll really costs.

There are three categories:

Standard dolls are not customizable and are usually made of cheap materials.

Cost: $50-500

High quality sex dolls, made of high quality TPE materials, are more realistic.

They can be customized based on their hair, eye color, pubic hair and accessories.

While there are many customization options, they are not as expensive as sex dolls with artificial intelligence.

Cost: $300- $3000

Kelly

Look at Kelly.

Isn't she attractive enough

A fully realistic sex doll with artificial intelligence, an artificial intelligence doll is the most expensive.

They are highly customizable.

Almost any part of the doll can be upgraded from its face, body and accessories.

Pubic hair, piercings, even freckles and tattoos may be provided on request.

They look and feel like real-life versions of the hottest women on the planet.

Cost: $4,000- $20,000

Sheila

Look at Sheila, how cute and sexy she is

Want to know "Where to get a sex doll"?

Nothing more than our store.

Our store has many styles and a variety of dolls. You can also send pictures to customize your favorite dolls.

Come to our shop, where you can find the best doll for you.

[homosexualisopod]

Donald Trump is a secret virgin. His giant hand never plunders the sodden honeysweet hormone folds of woman or man. No sex germs ever leap from the perfect angel penis of Donald Trump, bumblebee, into the electric rosebud of a beautiful lady who is singing while astride a crescent-moon, lowered from above. He never deposits a check for fixed semen assets into the asshole of a broad-shouldered middle-class knowledge worker nor does he dump a gallon of warm-but-not-expired sex milk down the pants of a woman that he "merely" meets on the street and takes a shine to on account of her Gumption and Stride.

Because he is a virgin.

Me and Donald Trump were chowing down on a hambone together, kicking back in our overalls and passing back and forth a thermos full of black coffee after a hard shift of Work Bizness, sitting on a steel beam inside a skyscraper, legs dangling.

“Hey there, my favorite man,” I tell him in a ribald fashion. “How do you like your sex? What is your preferred sex situation during an intimate time?”

But he does not answer. Instead I can see the bashful computer in his perfect mind clicking away. He is red with exertion, perhaps embarrassment. Am I mocking him? Do I know his shame?

“Sex is quite the act,” he tells me, growing arch but morose. “I enjoy it and it feels like singing straight from your heart directly into the heart of another...it is like punching, but punching with love.”

“You are exactly right,” I tell him, putting him at ease. There is brown skyscraper grease on both of our faces from another day of hard labor. “You have hit the nail on the head about sex, thus proving that you are not a virgin.”

I prefer to lie to Donald Trump. He is a painted eggshell tumbling along a conveyor belt into the smashing machine, and his pain is my pain.

He relaxes, but it is not the tranquil unknotting of concubitus supreme. It is barely relaxation at all, sans spurts, sans triumph, sans attainment of loosened repose. His face retains its angelic rictus.

For he is a virgin. He is a secret virgin. No one knows about his unravished flanks and glands. He must hide his non-crime from sinister America. But there is no shame in such a man! He is a soaring vestal, a sexless raptor, circling imperiously over unplowed fields, spying defenseless quivering prey from afar, which he must ignore, instead soaring majestically in the opposite direction to avoid being soiled by the false fluids of Another.

One time his butler tried to console him: "All heroes are virgins," he said, offering him a plate of summer sausage and yellow cheese. "To be strong, one must never come of age. It is not shame! It is a badge of merit to be so pure and to be made of so much white light that other people want to bathe in your very name the way that native women might bathe beneath a waterfall."

But Donald Trump could not be so easily consoled.

He cried forlornly, weeping secret tears of secret shame, because his mighty heart was hurting. His heart is the loneliest of his organs but not the least used. That distinction belongs to his pristine penis, which might as well still be in its original packaging: unblemished, untasted, unhandled.

He eats his husk of summer sausage while staring at yet another beautiful woman he has purchased but who must be made to stand in another room behind a sheet of one-way glass and disrobe for him in what amounts to a self-created mockery, a temptation, a woman he can never touch and who must never see or know him. She does not know why she is being paid to "remove her top" and to "smile like she is in love." He must remain continent as the pressure mounts inside him, must not reach out, smash the glass, try to grasp her long hair as his gift bubbles forth. His abstinence is not necessarily a choice, but it is his by unshakable disposition. When he is finished, his gift is scraped from the smooth one-way window by his butler and deposited with the others, and the woman is taken to the "old elevator" and given kindhearted advice about investments by his strategic manager.

He is a virgin in an identity way. It is as much a part of him as his perfect face. And yet it is a secret. No one can know.

His stubby, snuffling penis, like the wet nose of a blind hound, has never burrowed into a vagina to get out of the cold world, digging and digging a shallow hole and then collapsing into it, only just penetrating the surface membrane of alien flesh, paws over eyes, too timid and too stumpy to nuzzle any further.

He has never even done this. He has never even nuzzled his knuckle of a peesnout into a woman or man for even one instant of neritic relief.

The closest Donald Trump has ever come to completing a sex act inside a person is the time he accidentally ejaculated in his sports car while rounding a deadly curve (he was not driving, but his eyes were closed and he Forgot) and a woman tried to Own his semen from where it dried against his wide leg (it was a pleasant day and he wore a man's cargo shorts), wiping it with her camisole and then attempting to take it into herself by dabs and thrusts. Never again does he ride in cars with women who might try such a thing. Now he only rides alone.

Normally, his gifts are kept in jade jars that he purchases directly from trusted antiquities traders in modern Qatar, filling one a month and storing these emoluments away in his family vault, the way that other members of his proud family have stored treasures taken from the sea and trophies of war. The gifts harden into a smooth paste in the jars, and then a glassy calculus. Does Donald Trump make jewelry for his friends and admirers from this smooth, frosted shale?

What careful hands craft this rare jewelry? What powers of ensorcelment and magnetism might these pieces contain?

His children were made in America. They are not imports, as has been whispered. They were made by powerful and strong American artistry and science, ripening in office buildings standing proud and alone on suburban greenswards. His children are native to this land. No one must question this. They gestated inside the bellies of American breeding cows, cows that had all four legs amputated so they might be comfortable laying on giant purple silk mats, being fed grapes and fine finger sandwiches and delicious brie. These wombcows gave his big, lumbering fetal Trumps room to grow and play. No women were harmed, and Donald Trump remained chaste and unruint.

Would his Trumps be like him? Would they look like him? Would they have his grace and intelligence?

His Trumps were manifested from special gifts he created for the specific purpose of passing on his best traits, squeezed forth while staring into his own eyes by way of a video machine. He chose the women who would combine with these gifts lovingly and purposefully, manfully, using real executive vigor and decisiveness.

The process you don't even want to know about! There were races and wrestling matches and world challenges. A competition at the klavier might become a disputation in Ancient Greek that might last all night long.

The frenzy! The fevers of competition!

He never ceased inspecting these prospective Mothers. He was unsparing with the calipers, seeking perfection, knowing that to combine his gift with a woman's gift...her Blood Clot full of Frail Humors and Sensitive Touches... would be a dangerous thing, and yet he knew he must not hoard his essence, his excellence, his light.

Alone, away from the vicious throng, he is free to be as simple and honest and innocent and full of virtue as any other virgin. Alone, in his tower, he removes his suit and puts on a simple sailor's frock, an honest shirt with modest shorts. He pulls up his knee socks and puts on a humble cap with a special ribbon and he dances and sings and practices learning new facts about the world. He tells the world how he feels...brain to brain...finger to phone...watching the television and speaking to the television.

He has a virgin's simple trust. He loves the world and the world loves him.

He watches himself on the television and he sees something more than even you or I might see. His butler gives him rubs and tests his blood and skin to make sure he is still perfect. He is still perfect.

Does he wonder, wistfully, what he might become if he gives in to his darkest longings? If he risks infection and injury to slake his unholy passions inside a woman or man the same way you or I might do?

Me and Donald Trump are eating fried oysters from a red pail while laying on our backs on a raft made of logs and floating lazily down the mighty Mississippi river, our nation's hardest-pumping muddy artery.

He tells me his hopes and fears, telling me of his noble purpose in fulfilling the destiny of our great land, of protecting us from infection and disease, from being penetrated by outside penises, from accidentally lowering ourselves by commingling the skin dirt of the high people with the skin dirt of low people.

I am listening, but I cannot stop staring into his perfect ice blue eyes. I am lost in them. How has he avoided the probing of a glistening mons pubis by his muscular and swarthy cock nubbin, a nugget as hard and strong as an American silver dollar (I have felt it against me when he has become too excited, discussing his plans for our country, and has fallen over with delirium and I have steadied him)? How has he avoided concupiscence for so long? I feel myself drawn toward him, hypnotized, opening to him, and I can sense his discipline, how hard he must work to stay celibate, to keep away from the needs of admirers like me.

He pays the women prime wages to tell the television that he is not a virgin. He pays them better than celebrities are paid to pretend to be real.

"Oh yes, Donald Trump has definitely done the business," they say, averting their eyes.

"He has definitely mounted me and I have definitely felt the sweat from his jowls fleck my backbones as he grunts his way to victory in my belly, in my hand, in my anus, in my mouth. I have definitely had his penis and I am definitely not the only one."

He has watched others mate, of course, many times, even encouraging this, urging his wives to express themselves; to explore. But he can never join in such a way; never, never, never. He would lose everything...himself, his maidenhead, his answers, his virtue, his light. Build the wall. Build it high.

When he is with a woman in public, he must pretend to dominate her, to be above her, to prove that he "could have her" to the People. His wife must be of such attractiveness that it is "obvious" that he has had sex with her and will do so again. No one must question this. There must never be a Time of Testing. He will never pit his fantasies against the reality of her body, and so the sport is good and the People cheer. But it is exhausting to wonder, to know if his domination is correct, if the sham of his brutality is done with the proper rhythm and anger.

The way that he loves his land...America...is the only intimacy that he truly knows. The way that he speaks to his people...America...is his only erotic poetry. But he will never melt inside his true love...America...as he drifts to sleep beside his only mistress...America...because he has never done such a thing with anybody and he never will. He wants to have America because she is the most beautiful, but then what?

America will never be aseptic enough for Donald Trump to actually sub-agitate and smash out. Donald Trump will never hitchhike South and gag America's meat hole, IRL. His fat, glowing cherry--as jolly and eternal as Santa--will continue to fuel his legendary endurance, but he will never seal the Deal: he does not want to; he does not know how.

He is a secret virgin. He doesn't have to be a virgin and it doesn't have to be a secret. But he wills it so with his enormous soul.

It is his shame, but he should not be ashamed about the one thing that makes him Great, that makes him different, that makes him strong, that keeps him compelling in a world full of flaws and weakness and boring withered skeptics who have been drained by their own vices.

There is one holy truth that his fans and acolytes and servants whisper to each other in the furtive penumbra of his glowing heat as they orbit around him, basking in his healing radiation.

They whisper to each other, proudly and in awe.

They whisper:

Donald Trump is a secret virgin.

[lunarymagic]

Fave Female Characters meme

Rules: list ten of your favourite female characters in different fandoms and then tag ten people

I was tagged by @edgeoflight! <3

I wanted to include my original works but then I realized I would have a hellish of a hard time trying to narrow my faves from my own works, and it's hard enough with fandoms, so...! XD (actually I still did that...check the bottom, hahahahaha!)

As always, I worry these things get long, so I’m using a cut. :D

1. Voltron: Legendary Defender • Allura! Haggar! Pidge! Colleen Holt! (OMG someone give her a hug!) Ryner! I love them so much! :D I told you this will be hard, hee. Oh, and Te-osh! :'D 2. Tolkien's legendarium • Aredhel. Of all the characters I would say Aredhel. I obsess over her a lot. :3 3. RWBY • I fell in love with Ruby Rose first but by now all of Team RWBY and JPNR have my heart. Also Penny because androids and cyborgs are totally my thing! <3 And Glynda Goodwitch because...witch! :D 4. A Redtail's Dream • I love so many of the characters but if I have to settle on one: Paju Kinnunen. I mostly ship Jonna/Riikka (and only recently attempted an OT3 with them and Paju) but I'm just fascinated with writing and exploring her, our little pissed off teacher in training. :D And I think if I can't have Samuli/Hannu then Samuli/Paju would be equally as intriguing. Hummm. But I'm as much intrigued by the older female characters as well: Anu, Åsa, Vuokko, and Kielo. 5. Year in Hereafter • Siiri Harmonsuo! SIIRI SIIRI SIIRI OMG WHAT A FREAKING BADASS MAGE AND THE CURRENT PAGES HAVE MY SCREAMING MY HEAD OFF! I also love Ieva and Inkeri, but...Siiri, man. Siiri. <3 6. Gorillaz • Noodle! <3 Adorable in Phase 1 and so badass by the time of Phases 3 and 4! :D 7. Avatar the Last Airbender / The Legend of Korra • This is so hard to pinpoint...Korra I love, also Toph (I relate to her a lot), I love Mai (because we share a name even if we're polar opposites in personalities! :D ), and Jinora <3 8. Marvel/MCU • Scarlet Witch! Also Kamala Khan because yessss at last Muslim superhero! <3 Also, Gamora, Nebula, and Mantis from the GotG film were awesome <3 (so was Ayesha tbh? She was intriguing! :D ) 9. Giant Robo • nostalgia fandom but whatever...Ginrei <3 but also Sunny the Magician! <3 <3 <3 and Yoshi too! That's...basically all the female characters in the series but you know what? I love this wacky-as-hell canon and had so much fun with it when I was younger! :'D 10. Sailor Moon • Another childhood favorite, but: you know...all of the scouts? XD I think Jupiter was my favorite and I was most like Mercury. But Sailor Moon herself drew me in more and more as time went on, especially as I experienced more in life looked beyond the characters and looked into they stood for. I fell in love with how Moon embodied agape. I just love that theme and it's something that I try to emulate in my own works.

So, umm...in case you're wondering about SOME of the characters I love in my own works, in this tired state I can name: Patrice (always <3 ), Aneidra, Mírchu, Janilla, Kimasabi, Marmala, Daisy Goodfellow, Zenobia, Ruba, the dragon Naranath...um, the Moon Mother herself (yeah, my online handle is based on the central myth figure of my mythos. XD Her name is listed somewhere here...in case you've ever wondered what the text in my side is all about, it's an excerpt from my mythos, written in an ancient tongue. :D Because creating languages are fun!)

I tag: @pyropelove413, @inside-the-mountain, @superheroladies, @eatyourgrapes, @the-wavesinger, @independence1776, @yuuago, @squirrelwrangler, @naryrising, @kainoliero, and anyone else who wishes to do this! <3 :)

[evwuniverse]

Guide 101 (1): Sailing in Second Life

For those who haven't read it, yet I wrote a post on my experience finding out about sailing in Second Life and how I've been getting into it as of recently. This is a 101 beginners post on how to start and what to do and some places that might help as far as rezzing your boat out on the open water and some sailors lingo. This also works for open sim virtual worlds like Trinity and a few others. As usual, I'm going to add a disclaimer, this post is for beginners or those just starting with sailing some of this is information I've learned through other people, blogs, and my own experience. Please leave constructive criticism only if the comments are open if not go ahead and like the post, if this has helped you or you found it to be informative and something you'd get into. With all of that mumble jumbo being said let’s get our sea legs ready and jump right in!

Getting a boat:

The first thing you’re going to have to do is find a boat to get started. Please don’t make the same mistake I’ve made and just go out all willy nilly and buy yourself a boat. The best Second Life boats for boating if you're serious about it and the well-made ones are extremely expensive they cost anywhere between 2,500 Lindens onward. Save yourself the money until you know this is something you want to do and something that would be a good investment for you. Sailing is a great way to spice up your virtual world life but only if you're serious about doing it more than once your entire time online. There are free boats that you can obtain to start with. This gives you a taster as to what sailing is like in Second Life and if you'll enjoy it sometimes, we just buy on impulse. I know I do. I found a place in Second Life where you can get a free boat to try out sailing you can also rez your boat here so it's a great place to start if you're interested.   

Blake Sea - Half Hitch Rez Center and Harbor

This is a link to the Blake Sea – Half Hitch Rez center and Harbor where you can Rez you’re ship or acquire a free one to try out sailing. To grab one of the free ships once you land in the area there is a box which will be shown to the right of this post you will click it and it will Rez out for you and you can use it for free. A great option if you're not sure if you would enjoy boating or not. 

Now let’s say you are serious about boating in Second Life and you want to buy yourself a nice boat to use on the waters. These are serious investments in Second Life as they cost a lot of virtual currency. Either you will have to save for it or put real money into the virtual world for that currency. Make sure this is something you want to do. If you do, please continue reading…

I looked around for hours for nicely made boats that will give you a very realistic boating experience in world. I also did some research on other WordPress blogs and talked to some sailors myself to find out what some of the best ship and boat makers are and with that, I've compiled a list of creators that you might want to look into for your first one. I specifically wound up getting a motorized sailboat as it fits my style it can be used for both cruisings on the waters with the sails or used with the engine so it's a hybrid and works out to my advantage. I'll probably never race my boat but that's popular to do in Second Life is racing. Mine to give you all an idea is a boat from The Mesh Shop which in my opinion makes some of the best boats that I’ve looked at before buying mine. Also, keep in mind my specific boat was 3,000 Lindens which is about 12-13$ USD so be wary of that.

Keep in mind every boat is different there are different types of boats there are motor yachts, sailing boats, and manuals that you can choose from to use. Some ships run off of the actual wind in Second Life and yes there is wind in Second Life, who would have thought?  Some sailboats sail only with the Second Life wind system others you can pick your wind direction and speed. For the most part, when you buy a boat you will often get a manual this will show you how to operate your boat I'd highly suggest doing one out of two things. I'd read the manual and then operate the boat or if your hands-on operate the boat while you read the manual. But I can't stress this enough if your boat comes with a manual and you're new to sailing READ THE MANUAL. 

Boat creators to check-out:

Bandit (Analyse Dean) Marketplace link:

https://marketplace.secondlife.com/stores/120514

BBX Design/ Yachts & Buildings (Aymec Millet) Marketplace link: https://marketplace.secondlife.com/stores/63972

Inworld store:

https://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Sunny%20Bay/162/129/26

Trudeau (Jacqueline Trudeau) Marketplace link: https://marketplace.secondlife.com/stores/1275

Inworld store:

http://slurl.com/secondlife/Trudeau%20Classic%20Yachts/194/64/23/

Dogma9 has one ship called the Moon shadow that’s 7,000 Lindens but super nice if you want to check that out Marketplace Link: https://marketplace.secondlife.com/p/Moon-Shadow-White/14405046

The Mesh Shop (Kain Xenobuilder) Marketplace Link: https://marketplace.secondlife.com/stores/94614

Inworld store:

http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Dutch%20Harbor/142/142/25

This is where I got my ship from mine is called (TMS) Café Del Mar it's quite the beauty I put a picture to the right for reference it is a sailboat like I've described above in obtaining a boat. It's a great option and more cost-effective than some of the boats you'll find on Second Life. However, the normal starting point is 3,000 Lindens sometimes there are more that are cheaper, but they won't be the best quality and what you will need if you're serious about sailing.

Berdav (Anu Daviau) Marketplace Link:

https://marketplace.secondlife.com/stores/32972

They don't sell boats anymore, but they have little paddle boats that you can buy you can search the creator they might have more elsewhere but with the research, I couldn't find her store anymore. She made some nice motorized yachts at the time though they were smaller but worth every penny.

Ocean Industries (Markus Hirszberg) Marketplace link: https://marketplace.secondlife.com/stores/89115

A small assortment of motorized boats there is a luxury edition of the skyline which looks like it could be a suitable product for boating. After doing some research on it if you’re interested. It’s a low end priced boat costing 2,990 Lindens I’ll go ahead and post the link here if you want to take a look at it. https://marketplace.secondlife.com/p/Skyline-Luxury-Edition/6730452

E- Tech (Envy Melody) Marketplace Link:

https://marketplace.secondlife.com/stores/35536

Not the best boats but they're a little more affordable and somewhat nice for the price you pay well to start with to see if it's something you're going to keep up with. Boats are anywhere from 599 Lindens to 2,800 Lindens on the Second Life marketplace.

There are more creators than this, but this is just to get you started on you're boating search for what you may want as well as different price ranges. I tried to get places that were all different prices so you could see what you would get in each price range and what is obtainable.

Where to rez your boats:

When it comes to rezzing your boats there are places where you can and it is doable. Normally you can Rez them in specific corners of the Blake Sea sims that are meshed together or you can do it at a harbor, marina, or Rez area that you find along your travels. An example would be the link I posted above for the Half Hitch Rez center which I'll also post the link here for you guys as well. It's a very small spot where you can Rez your ship but you can Rez it and be on your way. Plus to be fair it's a non-populated area so, for the most part, you will be alone and not have to deal with someone else trying to Rez their ships as well. 

Blake Sea - Half Hitch Rez Center and Harbor

Another place that I could suggest which I found from a WordPress blog called Sailing in Second Life which if you’re interested in more about sailing and learning how to live life on the sea you should check it out. The writer stated that a good area for him to Rez their vessel is in the Starboards Yacht Club in Hollywood.

Starboards Yacht Club in Hollywood

I haven’t checked out this area yet but “Sailing in Second Life” is not the only blog that had mentioned it when it came to finding where to Rez your boat to sail. On my journey, I've come across a few places to Rez ships which I will go ahead and list below I tried to limit it down to my top 10 places where it's been not to laggy and easy experience.

Places to rez your boats and vessels:

New Port Yacht Club (Bay City):

http://slurl.com/secondlife/New%20Port/20/100/24/

Oyster Bay (you can Rez boats and can sail out to sea. You. Can also go down the Linden River from here and enter other sea’s as well from this Rez point.):

http://slurl.com/secondlife/Oyster/95/175/85/

Bering (Rez area):

https://secondlife.com/destination/bering

This is a perfect place it is a safe Rez spot where you can test out your new boat, it’s quiet with very little people and an awesome place to get started. Highly recommend.

Blake Sea – Spyglass:

https://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Blake%20Sea%20-%20Spyglass/144/199/22

DP Public Dock:

http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Trelliana/60/133/28

Mermaid Inn at Pier side Yacht Club:

http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Salliohsis/53/193/22

This is an area that I have visited recently after the suggestion on a WordPress blog I saw that talked about where you could Rez to sail and this came up. It’s both a Yacht club with spaces to rent a hotel to rent out rooms as well as a public rez zone for those who just need to get their ships up and going. I'd suggest this option mainly because you will meet a lot of people there who have experience with sailing in Second Life who can give you tips and pointers and help you on your journey if you need. A lot of the people I've personally met here are very nice, drama free, and are willing to help if you're confused with something about your ship such as wind direction, etc.

Tuliptree (rez zone):

http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Tuliptree/184/204/21

Barnbarossa Ferry terminal (Linden Labs Infohub) here you can even grab a free boat that you can Rez out if your short on cash to buy one. This is a great place to get started and a nice Rez zone sometimes it can get busy though so be careful with this area. The few times I've visited there are more than 10 people. Unless you don't mind people it's a large vast area to Rez and get started. http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Barbarossa/184/48/23

Satori Bay (3 region location various things to do and places to rez)

http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Barbarossa/184/48/23

This is a good option for a beginner because it has a little bit of everything to start you off. It’s three regions and it’s a mixture of a marina, place to chat, walk, and shop like anywhere else in Second Life, place to rez, a place to rent boats if you don’t want to go out and buy your own yet, stores for rent, there is just so much to do so if you don’t rez here at least check it out! It won’t be a waste of time I went here for the first time yesterday and it’s a new favorite place for me to chill with my little sailboat.

Second Life Sailing Center and History Museum

http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Barbarossa/184/48/23

This is a wonderful place for beginners as it is a Yacht club, history museum for sailing where you can learn a lot of new things on you’re sailing adventures. It also has UPDATED listings and information for Yacht clubs, sailing blogs, and the history of sailing in Second Life. A place to go as a beginner it has helped me out so much everyone thinks I'm a seasoned boater and I'm a noob at boating in Second Life. So this is a huge suggestion from me.

What seas are there to sail in?

Good question there is a variety of different places where you can go sailing, however, the most popular places are going to be as followed:

Sea of Fables

Blake Sea

Ahab’s Hunt

Gulf of Lauren

Greta

Puerto Arianti

These are the major seas and gulfs where you can sail your boat if you look any of these up you can start sailing pretty much once you get to those regions of water. I will post links later on when I can find all of them for you guys. But for right now you can just search these places inside Second Life and teleport to these major bodies of water. Hopefully for now though this helps you! One thing I wanted to add is in the Blake Sea there are places to Rez your ships there as well.

These are just a few things to get beginners started when it comes to sailing in Second Life and even in other open sim virtual worlds. Hopefully, this helps you on you're journey and some of these links will help you get to where you want to be with your sailing experience. Some users are so into the boating community that they dock and just live on their boat. Or they explore the open seas and just relax in the middle of the Blake Sea on their boat. This is an actual living alternative which I'll explain in another post later on. Second Life is an amazing place to try sailing and the sailing on Second Life is a great alternative to an actual boating simulator and there is so much more to do and experience. If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me or read some other blogs based around the Second Life sailing community. Don’t forget there are so many places to learn how to be a part of the sailing community on Second Life there are so many Yacht clubs and marinas and a ton of Second Life sailing blogs to look into. Use your resources you will be happy that you did.

Bon Voyage!

[jesusbukkake-blog]

The Aristocrats

The BBC Director-General’s door opened and a tall man in a crisp Italian suit walked in. Without prompting, he walked over to the chair in front of the desk and sat down. He was very muscular; his wide shoulders dwarf the small businessman in front of him. He was wearing dark sunglasses, which he removed and put in his front-breast pocket, revealing his tanned face, deep eyes, and neatly trimmed eyebrows. He put his hands on the desk; his nails were clean and white and freshly trimmed, shaped neatly enough to indicate the use of a manicurist. His skin was darkly tanned, save for a small pale circle around the gold band on his ring finger.

The Director-General peered over his desk through his glasses at the handsome character. Despite his power, he felt somewhat intimidated by his presence. “Can I – can I help you?” he stammered.

The man replied in a low and smoky voice. “I’d like to pitch to you my idea for a short film. Me and my family are very talented and we have a proposal that will change your channel forever.”

The Director-General knew he was somewhat pressed for time, yet he responds, “please sir, go on.”

“It’s set in front of a live studio audience. I come on stage first, to the sounds of smooth jazz, and tear off my shirt, revealing my bronzed, ripped body. My wife follows wearing a full-length robe, which I rip off too, unveiling her beautiful black lingerie. She is a stunning woman, petite but propped up on 6-inch heels, and we embrace and kiss passionately. I begin to grope her, rub my hands up and down her curves.

“My kids follow on-stage, skipping around us and throwing rose petals. My 14-year-old daughter wears a summery floral blouse, and my 3-year-old son wears a sailor’s uniform and a big nappy, like Tommy from Rugrats. They look adorable; such sweet little kids, and so talented too.

“I then remove my wife’s bra and panties and begin to massage her breasts and suck her nipples. She has fantastic breasts, sir, two perfectly-sized fleshy orbs and a neat, hairless little cut of a vagina. My little girl bends down and starts to lick her out, as my son unbuckles my belt and allows my jeans to slide to the floor. My wife drops to her knees and leans towards my boxer shorts, which she removes, revealing my cock. I’m about 10 inches, me; the audience love it. She starts to suck me off, moaning as our daughter eats her out from behind like a professional.

“My son joins my daughter at the back of my wife and squeezes his tongue into her anus. The cunnilingus and anilingus continues until I’m about to cum, at which point I withdraw from my wife’s mouth and ejaculate over my son and daughter’s face and my wife’s bottom. I aim for my son’s eyes; it looks like he’s crying cream – it’s a lovely effect.

“My wife stands upright, with our kids feeding from her like her insides are made of Nutella. My wife climaxes – she doesn’t fake it, by the way, our little girl knows just what mummy likes – and our girl takes her tongue out and undresses quickly, throwing her clothes and her sanitary towel into a pile upstage. She looks lovely, my daughter, especially at this age – a few pubes are appearing, her breasts are just beginning to get shapely; they’re like two fried eggs. I lie down and look at my little girl’s winking vagina as she urinates on me, like she’s marking daddy as her territory. It’s very nice, this normally goes down a treat.

“As I’m being submerged in urine, my little boy takes his tongue from mummy’s arsehole. We have a very specific diet for show days, and her intestines are full of chunky diarrhoea, which my son is plugging up, so the moment he removes himself it all floods out, brown water and brown chunks spray all over his face and chest; it’s a bit like a waterfight except for instead of a hose it’s my wife’s bottom. Usually the force of the diarrhoea knocks his little sailor’s hat off – this gets a big laugh from the audience – it’s very cute.

“We try to have these both happening simultaneously, big daddy drinking little girl wee and little son drinking mummy’s poo – y’know, give the audience something to think about, in terms of family relations.

“When all this liquid has finished being expelled, I go to my daughter’s clothes and pick up her sanitary towel. I then slap it on our son’s face, by means of wiping the poo off. Of course, it doesn’t work that well, and when I remove it, he looks like he’s eaten meat and tomato pasta in the sweet, messy way a little kid would, a few blood smears and a lot of liquid faeces.

“We then take off my little boy’s nappy. We know he shouldn’t wear one, he’s a little too old, but he’s toilet trained, he only wears a nappy when we’re performing. With a quick flip upside-down, I put it on our daughter’s head – it’s a bit like when someone gets slimed on kids’ TV – his wee and poo runs down her face and over her eyes; she wipes it off with a big grin on her face and runs her tongue around her mouth, collecting as much poo as she can.

“I pick up my boxer shorts, turn them inside out, and wipe off the poo with my gusset. I wear them for days, there’s usually a good bit of crusty pre-cum and smegma there, and they smell terrible; so bad, in fact, that they make her vomit instantly. I try to pool the vomit in the boxers and pour it over my wife – half in her mouth and half in her arsehole. It’s not long after it’s in her mouth that she starts retching too; she stands upright, the puke from her bottom splashes on to the ground and she throws up her puke and my daughter’s puke directly into my mouth. I spit it out over the first three rows – y’know, try to get the audience involved a little bit.

“The smell of puke and poo and urine is pretty eye-watering at this point, but this is a massive turn on for me, and my cock has hardened again. My wife goes to her clothes and takes a pair of nail scissors out of her handbag, which she pokes into my urethra. I lie down in the mess of body fluids as she thrusts it in and out and in and out like some bizarre reverse handjob. It’s not long before my hard-on is dribbling blood like I’m pissing cranberry juice with a bladder infection, and I dribble this all over my family, aiming in particular for my daughter’s eyes.

“I take the nail scissors off my wife and put them into my 3-year-old boy’s little freckle of an arsehole. I cut up and down his arsecrack with them – snip snip snip – and open his bumcheeks like a book. It gets easier every time; it takes him ages to heal and sometimes I just have to rip them apart and forget about the scissors. I shove my head into his rectum and stand upright, like some bizarre piggyback ride. He can’t really handle this yet, to be honest – he still normally starts to cry. But don’t worry; the audience won’t even notice, because my wife guides me towards her chasm of a vagina and I begin to shove my kid into that, like I’m fucking her with my head and he is a condom. My wife’s vaginal lips can stretch like a balloon, and I have always thought that this unbirthing says a very profound thing in itself about the nature of life and death.

“Usually he’s passed out from lack of oxygen at this point, so we all take turns trying to tug his little willy into erection. He’s not even old enough for it at his age; I guess half the fun is that it’s impossible. I act like I’m pissed off with him, and for his punishment he’s got to ‘eat daddy’s shit too’, despite him already having nearly drowned in mummy’s shit. I also eat a specific diet for this; I squat over his face and release the corniest, smelliest log you ever did see. It lands on his face with a ‘thud’ and then we all kick his head about until he comes to.

“His face and arse are streaming blood far worse than my cock, and now there’s corn in his eyes and a far more solid shit covering his nose, forehead and cheeks. Most of it falls off when he sits upright, but to get the last bits off, my daughter does a fantastic vaginal ejaculation on him. What a talent she’s got; I’m so proud of her.

“We’ve got a good final pose, too. I violently stomp each member of my family, in height order, face first into the slippery puddles of poo and wee and blood and shit and semen, in such a way that bits of it splash up and cover my legs. They all lie on the floor, prone, and I assume the same position as John Travolta on the cover of Saturday Night Fever.

“The lights dim, and we all stand up and we all take a bow.”

The Director-General was stunned. “What. The. Fuck. What the Hell do you call an act like that?”

The man smiled and replied, “The Aristocrats.”

…

“I’d like to see that,” the Director General said.