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iluvshinytwink · 1 year

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do you think you’d end this series of painful angsty stories all which sort of correlate to “are we still friends” by finally giving us a big fluffy angsty story where Jude caves in and goes to see the reader and they have a huge fight or wtv but then turns out they’re obv still in love w each other or sumn bc i didn’t think it was possible but you keep tugging on my heartstrings w these angst filled updates every week give my man a happy ending please 😭

MORE THAN FRIENDS AGAIN? - Jude Bellingham

"Can't say goodbye."

Synopsis: You break up with Jude so he can focus on his career as a football player but he can't get you off his mind and neither can you.

Now Playing . . . ARE WE STILL FRIENDS? by Tyler, The Creator

a/n: SEASON FINALE ‼‼ (not really expect more angst to come.)

This is related to.. jesus christ do i really have to list them all? "Sunny Days" "Are We Still Friends?" "Can we be more than friends again?" "Hair Tie" "Just for me" "September" check them out if you'd like 💔

Feelings could no longer be ignored. The more you try to run away from something, the faster it'll come back to you. The more you ignore something, the faster it'll haunt you. The more you try to forget, the more you remember. The more you deny, the more you ache.

Jude lived everyday with an aching heart, an aching heart that yearned for you. An aching heart that would stop aching for one person and one person only, you.

Nights were cold and empty, filled with memories that could only be replayed over and over. Late night thoughts were composed of nothing but you, questions with no answers, doubts with no reassurance.

Jude's eyes grew heavy but yet he couldn't sleep. The room was silent and was occupied with nothing but his thoughts. Suddenly, a question that made his heart drop suddenly came to his mind.

Had you moved on?

It's been months since the two of you departed so why hasn't he moved on? Why couldn't he live his hours without being reminded of you?

Every waking hour he finds himself remembering you, but do you?

Did he impact your life as much as you impacted his? Did he make you smile as much as you did? Did he make you love him the same way he loved and still loved you?

Before he could bombard his mind about these cruel thoughts he forcefully closes his eyes, wanting to go to sleep to forget about this. To forget about you.

Jude shuts his eyes closed, his eyebrows knitting into anger. Finally, a tear slips down his cheek.

You scrolled through your camera roll, your past pictures were filled with you and Jude. Your eyes grew heavy as you stared at your phone. You click on a photo.

Jude had his tongue out in the photo, you were in the backround typing on your laptop. A smile appeared on your monotone face.

You missed him, you really did. You missed his smile, his laughter, his voice, his touch, his hair. Everything. Like him, there was a question you had in your mind that you couldn't find an answer to.

Had he moved on?

Was he smiling for another girl the same way he used to smile at you? Was he laughing with another girl like the two of you used to?

Was Jude loving another girl that wasn't you?

You blink out of your thoughts, closing your phone.

"He's surely moved on." you thought to yourself. "So why can't I?" you placed your phone on your bed side table with a sigh.

"Why can't I forget?" you thought. You closed your heavy eyes, drifting to sleep.

Jude looked out his window, the moon glowed in all its glory. The crickets around him chirped and everyone around him was probably fast asleep. A rush of cold wind meets his face, a deep sigh releasing his mouth. He tapped on his phone again, checking the time.

3:11 am, the phone read. He found himself staring at his lockscreen wallpaper which was unironically, still you. He blinked at it, looking away quickly before he could overthink it.

Jude walks away from his window, taking his phone and grabbing his airpods. He wanted to go somewhere far away, away from the memories, away from the pain, away from you.

Jude walked out of his house, the cold wind sending a shiver down his spine. He didn't know where to go, he didn't know why he wanted to go, but he just did.

Jude started walking, he didn't know where he would end up but he did so anyway.

Jude stares at the ground, his shoes, the pavement, and the patches of grass below him. His hands were dug deep inside his pockets, a weak sense of warmth comforting him. His airpods were tucked deep in his ears, the world, the crickets silencing before him.

A few minutes pass and Jude finally stops in his tracks. Jude lifts his head that was staring at the ground and gazed at the sky. The moon stared back along with the many stars the sky was dusted with. An aura radiated the moon, in a moment of probable sleep deprivation, he swore the moon stared at him back with a soft smile.

Jude brings his head down from the sky and looks to his right.

His heart drops to his knees, sending a fast pain into his entire body.

It was your house.

No matter how many times he would try, he would always go back to you. Intentionally or unintentionally. He was forever connected to you, like following a string, or following a trail, he would always end up with you.

He wanted to end up with you.

The gods above were playing a cruel trick on him, he hated it. With a heavy heart, he walks back home.

One night, something in him snapped. Even if everything in him was already snapped, the last string that held him together, that held his feelings together, snapped. He couldn't take it anymore.

He hated crying every single night, wishing those memories he kept remembering happened again.

He hated your presence that seemed to follow him wherever he went.

He hated your smile that kept flashing in his mind.

He hated your laugh that kept replaying.

Jude hops in his car, he wanted a final answer.

He wanted to know if you were truly over him, so he could force himself to be over you too.

He wanted to know if you've forgotten about him, so he could forget about you too.

He wanted to know if you hated him, so he could hate you just as much too.

Jude's grip on the stirring wheel tightened as he blinked rapidly to keep the tears away.

A part of his mind wanted to go to your house purely to see if you were done with him, so could finally sort out the mess his feelings were tangled in.

But another part of his mind simply wanted to see you again. So his mind could get another glimpse of you. So he could see if you were as beautiful as he left you.

Jude stares at the red light, composing his thoughts together. He knew this stop light all too well, this was the stop light closest to your home.

And just like that, Jude's mind fades into another memory.

Jude stares at the red light as the music coming from the radio played softly. One hand on the stirring wheel, and the other on the cup holder.

Suddenly, he feels a hand touch his. He looks down at his hand and finds your finger's intertwining with his. Jude looks over to you, your seat was reclined and your eyes were on your phone that flashed to your face.

Jude stares at you, holding his breath. Your eyes slowly meet his, a smile curled your lips. Then, your eyes broke away from his, and to the street light.

"The light's green, baby." your voice whispered. Jude looks at the street light, the bright light flashing green.

Another goddamn memory. Jude thought.

Jude breaks his momentary gaze from his stirring wheel and onto the street light which unironically flashed green.

Jude's head paced into his ears. Any second, his heart would've leaped out of his throat. He was nearing closer and closer to your house. There was no way he could turn around now. He had to do this, he should do this.

Jude looks to his left and saw your house. His heart drops. He was really here.

Suddenly, rain started dripping from the dark sky. Jude looks at his window as it slowly becomes coated in raindrops. Jude clicks his tongue, putting his hood on and getting out of his car.

There was no way out now.

Jude jogged his way over to your doorstep, his hood getting dripped on by rain. He felt his heart drop several times. He should turn back, he could turn back. But he couldn't.

Jude stopped on your doorstep. Jude's hand was rolled into a fist, ready to knock on the door.

The rain pittered on the ground, somewhat cheering him on. Jude swallows a lump in his throat before his hand makes contact with the door.

Seconds after, a pair of footsteps descend a flight of stairs. There was really, really no way out now. Jude takes a deep breath.

The doorknob twists open and once more his heart drops. The door creaks open and there revealed you.

Jude held his breath. You looked straight at him, your eyes widening.

Silence.

"Jude? What're you doing here?" your voice said, trying to keep the nervous tone deep in her throat. Your eyes wandered, looking at anything but him.

If you had looked at him, you thought you would fall in love all over again. Your heart raced out your chest.

"I just.. want to ask you something." Jude said, eyes trying to meet with yours.

"Sure, Jude. Come inside." you said, making way for him to enter. Now had he realized that he missed the nicknames you called him. His heart ached at hearing your voice say his name, and not one of the many nicknames you had for him.

You close the door, the rain muffled for a moment.

"What's up?" you asked, eyes on the floor as was his.

Jude's body instinctively neared yours.

Then, Jude threw his arms around you. You flinched, but your body quickly melted to his touch.

"Have you moved on?"

His voice cracked. It quivered in fear.

You didn't know what to answer. Your mind wanted to say yes, but your heart wanted to say no. Because you knew you missed him. Even though your mind wanted to say that you've moved on, your mind also knew that you missed him.

Your mouth gapes open, trying to find a response.

"Tell me that you've moved on, so I can move on." He pleaded, arms tightening on your body.

"I have, Jude. I've moved on." your voice whispered. Jude's body tenses up.

That lie was as poisoning as venom. That lie disintegrated his entire heart.

"Now, go. Get out." you shouted weakly, arms trying to push him to no avail.

So you have moved on.

His nightmares, his overthinking, were true.

The memories he kept remembering, you had already forgotten.

"Jude, please." your voice weakened. "I love you too much, I need to forget you." you whispered into his chest. Your arms wanted to hug him back, to remember the feeling of euphoria every time you hugged him back.

"I love you too." his voice sounded broken, like a glass purposely dropped from a counter. Like a vinyl smashed to the ground. "I still love you." he cried.

"But why can't I forget you?" he mumbled, almost incoherently. Jude finally unwraps his arms.

You looked at Jude. And you were right. You felt the sense of falling in love all over again washing over you. Your heart ached at the sight. Jude's eyes were puffy, but there was something behind those eyes that told you his eyes were puffy for several days. Jude's eyes glistened with tears, a new tear falling down his cheek.

Jude turns back, ready to walk away from you. Now and forever.

Suddenly, your hand reaches out to his. Jude stops.

Jude's head turns to you, your head was aimed at the floor but he could see your shaky lips.

"I can't forget about you, either." you whispered. Jude's eyes widened, a sense of relief and joy rushed through his veins.

Your hand lets go of his, both of your hands were brought to your face to wipe your tears.

Jude embraces you, his hands finding its way to your hair.

If you did this now, you knew that you would've officially loved him again.

Your arms wrapped around his body.

I knew that once I fell for you, I would've never let you go. I had you, and you had slipped away, but now, I will never let you go.

#jude bellingham #jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham x you #jude bellingham imagines #iluvshinytwink #imsoslaying #delulu hours exe

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