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helen-with-an-a · 4 months

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Something About Finals pt 1

Hiya, so this was originally supposed to be all 1 story, but then I wrote almost 10K words so I've decided to split it up so the next part/s will be out tomorrow etc. This is inspired by the Pokal final when Lena fell and shouted 'mein Knie'. I hope you enjoy

Lena Oberdorf x Reader

Part 1 : Part 2

Description: There's something about playing in a Final that R really hates

Word Count: 3.7k

Moving to Wolfsburg might have been the best thing to ever happen to you. Was it a huge risk? Maybe. 18 years old – almost 19, as you kept reminding your parents – and wide-eyed, moving to country where you didn’t speak the language and you had no one to call a friend to help settle you in. It could have been the worst mistake of your young life. Except, it wasn’t. Yes, moving had been terrifying … packing up your belongings into suitcases and buying a one-way ticket was something you hadn’t anticipated doing at such a young age. But the offer from Wolfsburg was too enticing. You made your debut for your childhood club at just 16 years old and the national team came calling a year later. Offers came flying in when you expressed to your agent that you might consider leaving the club. You had expected it to still be in the WSL; one of the Manchesters perhaps, or Chelsea, or Arsenal. You hadn’t considered even the slightest possibility that an international league was looking at you. But you couldn’t not go; this was a chance to play with the greats, to play in another league, to gain even more experience.

Your flat was small, a shoebox with a too small kitchen and an even smaller living room and bedroom, but it was yours. All yours. It also helped that you weren’t the only newbie … and by some coincidence, you lived right across from each other. You officially first met at your media and signing days.

“Hallo,” she said merrily. “Ich bin Lena, aber alle nennen mich Obi.” She stuck out her tanned hand, a wide smile on her round face. You understood the first part, but the rest confused your somewhat.

“Ha-hallo. Ich bin Y/N.” Your German was very stilted, but you were trying. You had a Club appointed tutor every Tuesday and Thursday to help you get to grips with the language. You had a Duolingo streak going, you tried to watch as much TV in German as possible, but you still weren’t the best.

“Do you want me to speak in English?” She asked, smiling wider at your relieved sigh.

“I promise I am trying, I’m just not very good.” You explained, you didn’t want to come across like a stereotypical Brit, you really were putting in the effort to learn the new language.

“It’s not a problem, I’m sure you’ll pick it up in no time.”

And you did … although it helped that you spend basically every day with Lena who insisted on being your personal teacher. At first, it was on your way to training, since you lived opposite each other, you car shared. She would drive as you fiddled with the radio, slowly incorporating more and more German into your conversation. Then the car rides became after-training coffees where you would spend far too long chatting the afternoon away. Then the coffees became dinners and breakfasts, and before you knew it, Lena had cemented herself firmly in your life. She was your everything. Your best friend. Your person. And you wanted more. You wanted your post-match snuggles to be more than just two tactile best friends recharging after a hard game. You wanted your shared dinners to mean more than just two friends hanging out. You wanted your daily cuddles, your shared wardrobe, your stuff in her shower, your pictures on the wall to be more than just friendly interactions. You wanted to hold her hand, and place kisses on anywhere you could reach. You wanted to have to hold you and tell you how well you played and how proud she was of you. You wanted to look after her and for her to do the same. Looking back, it was easy to see how innocent you were.

It took the team’s Christmas party and an intervention for you to finally admit your feelings for each other. Too many of the girls had become too fed up with the strange push-and-pull dance you and Lena were doing to let you get away with it. Ingrid had marched straight towards you as you stared longingly at your best friend, oblivious to the looks you would receive back when your eyes darted away. Ingrid took you firmly by the wrist and dragged you into the bathroom, instructing you to stay put as she disappeared again. You were too shocked to do anything else until an equally confused Lena was shoved into the bathroom as well.

“Talk to each other, for crying out loud.” Frido had shouted through the door.

“You both are head over heels in love with each other.” Ewa clarified. The silence that followed was so, so awkward. You stared firmly at your feet as Lena leant against the sink.

“Is it true?” Lena asked first, breaking the quiet. You took a deep breath, this was it. You gulped, eyes never leaving the patch you had decided to stare at. “Look at me,” she demanded softly. You shook your head. You couldn’t watch your best friend, the person you considered the most important person in your life, reject you. “Bitte sieh mich an, liebling.” How could you refuse when she spoke so softly, so sweetly? You let your eyes drift up, taking in her outfit appreciatively before settling on her chocolate eyes. As your gazes met, your racing heart slowed slightly, your ragged breathing evened out, your nervousness melted away. She always could calm you down. “Is it true?” she asked again. “What Ewa said … that you … love … me? Is it true?” Your eyes danced nervously away, unable to hold her intense stare. “Please,” Lena surged forward, one hand coming to your waist as the other cupped your cheek, guiding you back to looking at her. “Is it true?” Her eyes scanned your face, taking in the festive makeup, the blush that she was fairly sure was due to her proximity rather than any product you put on or alcohol you had consumed. You bit your lip, nodding slightly.

“Yes,” you whispered so quietly it was barely audience. She sighed, relief flooding her system (although you didn’t know that) as she closed her eyes. You also squeezed your eyes shut, not wanting to look at Lena as she voiced her flattery, but she really didn’t feel the same way and that you would always be her best friend and nothing more.

“I feel the same.” Your eyes flew open. The shock must have been apparent on your face as she huffed out an amused snort, her thumb rubbing at your cheek. “I want … this … us, for however long you want me.”

“You … you do?”

“Ja, of course I do.” You let out a surprised laugh. Never in your wildest dreams would you have thought that Lena liked you back.

“Do you wanna go out for brunch tomorrow?” You asked hopefully, a crooked smirk appearing on your face. She chuckled lightly, a loving expression filling her face.

“Like on a date?” She asked, raising a questioning eyebrow. You nodded. “Yes, liebling. I do want to go out for a brunch date with you tomorrow.” An infectious grin graced your features, hers following similarly.

It took three dates for Lena to officially ask you to be her girlfriend. It took another one for you to take initiative and kiss her. It took 4 months for you to properly confess you loved each other. After a year, you officially moved in with her. She was your everything and you were her all.

It wasn’t until the Euros that you realised just how much she meant to you.

You had always known this was a possibility. You were drawn in different groups, and then different quarterfinals, and then semifinals. And then you were facing each other in the European championship finals. Your home Euros. A packed Wembley and the nation backing you from their homes. All you had to do was beat Germany … beat Lena. Your victory would mean her defeat. Despite reassurances from her that regardless of the result she would still love you, you couldn’t help the nerves from bubbling up. Yes, you knew that logically she would never hold your success over you in that way – just like her winning wouldn’t change your feelings for her – but you were a worrier. After your Sweden game, you had spent over an hour on the phone, giving and receiving reassurances of your love, your pride and your well wishes.

It was barely 10 minutes into the game when it all went wrong. Funnily enough, you were marking Lena, stepping towards her to crowd her out of possession. You had succeeded as well, tipping the ball away just enough for Keira to collect it and start the English attack. It was as you turned around, extricating yourself from Lena … no, not Lena, it was just a German player, just a part of the opposition and not your girlfriend at this point in time … that you felt it. You had planted your foot and twisted, pushing off the grass to run into the open space. It was a move you had done thousands, if not millions of times in your life, both on and off the pitch. Something pinged, and then popped and your knee felt strange. You gasped at the pain, a shocked intake of air that had Millie and Leah looking at you in concern. The shout you let out as you went to the floor had Sara and Marina slowing their defensive block. Eventually, the ref’s whistle went when it was clear that you were not about to get up and continue play.

“Kid, talk to us, what’s wrong?” Lucy asked, her hand coming to smooth over your back. All you could do was let out a whimper in response, still clutching tightly onto your left knee, trying to push back the agony that was radiating through your leg.

“Medics are on their way, honey. Just hang in there.” Millie scratched at your head tenderly. All Lena could do was look on in deep, deep concern. She was frozen in place, near enough to the huddle of England players to hear the worry in their voices but not close enough to see your face. It was Lauren Hemp who nudged her, nodding at you, and telling Lena that you needed her.

“Obi,” you called out weakly for your girlfriend. All you wanted was her to wrap you up in her warm, strong, soft arms and tell you everything would be fine. Lena jumped into action, lightly pushing through the England girls to crouch at your side.

“Hey, liebling,” she cooed as she grasped onto your hand. You clutched it so tightly that she thought you might have broken her bones. “Is it your knee?” She asked, praying that it wasn’t as severe as it looked. You moaned, nodding slightly. The girls in the huddle around you all made eye contact with each other. You had gone down off the ball … in a twisting motion … and now your knee was causing you enough pain that you couldn’t speak properly. “Ok, liebe. The medics are here.” The circle split away, most of the English players leaving to regroup slightly further away. Lena had gone to move to the side as well. She could see the German team looking on with worry etched on their faces. You were good friends with most, if not all of the players – knowing them either through Wolfsburg or having being introduced through Lena in the 18 months you had been together.

“Don’t go.” You whined as the medics rolled you onto your back, looking up at her with tears in your eyes.

“I’m not, liebling. I’m right here.” She squeezed your hand three times. Ultimately, though, you were separated. You were loaded onto the revolting orange stretcher and carried off the pitch to a loud round of applause as Lena went back to the German huddle.

At half-time, Lena had tried to look for you on the England benches or in the tunnel but had no luck in spotting you.

“She’s still getting tests and stuff.” Jill took pity on the younger player, walking down the tunnel side by side. Lena nodded, clearing her throat slightly.

“She’ll be ok,” she said, more to herself than anyone else, trying to keep the nerves and bad thoughts from creeping in.

“She’s a tough little cookie,” Jill agreed. “We’ll make sure someone tells one of you if there’s any updates.” Jill had always taken an embarrassing aunt type roll in your life, keeping a solid eye on you during national camps and was one of the first to be introduced to Lena, alongside Lucy and Millie.

“Tell Poppi, uh … Alex Popp, if there’s anything to know.” Lena said quickly. Alex was injured and definitely wouldn’t be playing this game; she would be able to get the information and make a judgement on whether to tell the squad. Jill smiled and nodded before turning to the English back rooms.

Mixed emotions flooded you when the final whistle went. You had just won the countries first piece of silverware since 1966. You were European Champions. But it was at the expense of your girlfriend. You watched from the sidelines, crutches keeping you upright and stable, as Lena sank to the ground, head in her hands. You slowly hopped onto the pitch. You were slowed even further by the other England girls, they swarmed you, pressing kisses to your foreheads and gently squeezing you as you told them the news. Eventually, you made your way to Lena. She was in Poppi’s arms, Alex whispering reassuring and comforting words in her ears as they both cried. You didn’t clear your throat or make any indication you were there and waiting for her. Instead, you busied yourself with looking around the stadium, taking in the crowd singing along to Sweet Caroline.

“Hey, mausi.” Alex smiled at you.

“Hi, Poppi.” She pointedly looked at your crutches and then raised an eyebrow, silently asking you to confirm what she already knew. You nodded, a sad smile forming. She closed her eyes for a second, nodding and letting go of Lena and moving away, giving you to privacy.

“Hey, bubba.” You stood awkwardly, grimacing as you met her watery eyes.

“Hi.” She said dejectedly. You crutched forward once before Lena snapped out of her daze, rushing to you, and pulling you into a hug. “I’m so, so proud of you.” She whispered, pressing a kiss to the shell of your ear.

“I’m sorry,” you choked out.

“No, no, liebling, don’t be sorry. You deserve this, more than anyone else. I’ve seen you put in the work for this-” she stepped back, hands on your shoulders and she looked in your eyes.

“But so have you. And-”

“No, I won’t hear any of that. You are not apologising.” You sighed but nodded, nonetheless. “My girlfriend is a European Champion.” She smiled at you as she shook you very gently, quietly cheering for you. You couldn’t help the wide grin that appeared. It wasn’t until Lena scanned your body that she seemed to fully clock the crutches.

“Your knee,” she gasped. You hated telling anyone any form of bad news, but this … this was a thousand times worse than anything you’ve done before.

“I’ve done it. It’s torn. I’m having surgery back in Germany in like a week or so.” You blinked rapidly, trying to stop the tears from falling. You couldn’t even say the words … you had torn your ACL in a European Championship final … it made it too real.

“Oh, liebe …” Lena pulled you very gently back into a hug. “It’s ok. You’ve got this, ja. I’m not going anywhere, you will not be doing this alone,” she reassured you emphatically. You nodded, breathing in her slightly sweaty scent. “Now,” she said as you pulled apart after a long minute, but not long enough in your opinion. “You are going to go and celebrate, but not too hard,” she teasingly warned. “I’ll text you, ok?” You nodded, closing your eyes as her hand cupped your cheek. “Ich liebe dich.”

“Ich liebe dich auch,” you responded, letting her press a long and gentle kiss to your forehead.

Lena was true to her word in very sense of it. She had managed to finagle her way onto the same flight as you back to Germany – pulling both suitcases through the terminals and holding your hand for the whole duration of the flight. She walked next to you, never complaining at the snail’s pace that you crutched along the busy streets of Wolfsburg. She was the first thing you saw when you opened your eyes after the surgery, the familiar grip of her warm hand helping you reorientate yourself in the land of the living. When you went from two crutches down to one, she was there, intertwining your fingers with hers as you tottered the length of the gym. When you finally got rid of both crutches, she was the first thing you walked to. It had been a surprise for her as she entered the gym, coming to collect you from your rehab as she finished her regular training session. You were alone in the gym – something that was very unusual considering the session had just finished and medics and trainers should be writing up notes all around you – but she watched with nervous anticipation as you gave her a look she couldn’t quite decipher before you dropped your crutch and hobbled, very slowly, into her embrace. She had quietly cried into your shoulder as you pressed hundreds of kisses into her freshly washed hair. She was your personal cheerleader as she watched you run for the first time, laughing at Jule’s teasing comments from behind the camera as your progress was documented. When you finally ran on the grass, she had been like an excitable puppy – the unbridled delight she exhibited at your movements was infectious, lifting everyone’s spirits as the team watched on from further away.

Very tear you had shed; she had wiped away. Every harsh word and angry comment you threw her way; she had taken it in her stride. She had been your rock throughout the whole ordeal, and you don’t think you could ever repay her. You had surprised her with a fancy homecooked meal the day you told her about your return to full fitness. You had been given the all clear to rejoin team training that afternoon and you had been buzzing to tell her. It took everything in you not to spill as you arrived in the changing rooms. But instead, you had persuaded her, Jule and Sveindís to go spend the afternoon doing some light shopping, something that Lena had been missing out on recently due to your injury. You had rushed around the kitchen, cooking up a storm as you prepared all her favourite foods. You had just placed the finishing touches to the meal when she returned. You both had matching tears in your eyes when you told her the news. You were lucky, you where healing nicely and quicker than the average player. She had stood far too close to be considered work appropriate at training the next day, her arms wrapped around your waist, pulling your back into her chest as you listened to the pre-training huddle. She had snapped you up as her partner for every drill, ignoring Alex’s, Svenja’s, and Jill’s comments about sharing you with the rest of the team. You couldn’t hide your excitement from her when you were cleared to return to the match day squad. You had bounded out of the medical offices and straight into the gym, squealing in pure joy as you approached her. She set the weights down quickly as you barrelled into her. She had kissed you with as much passion as possible when the words tumbled from your lips, sticking a middle finger up at the jeers from the rest of the team.

It was a cold evening in early March when you stepped back on the field. It was poetic justice really that you offered Lena the most perfect cross into the box for her volley into the back of the net. Barely 4 minutes on the pitch and you were back. It was like you had never been away. Each time you were made as a substitution you had an almost instant impact, creating chances as soon as you stepped onto the pitch. Your first start back had been one of the best experiences you’d had at Wolfsburg. The players were humming with enthusiasm for you, Lena’s arm wrapped around your shoulder until you had to walk out. Despite being subbed off at 70 minutes, you were still hot and sweaty at the end of the match, but you didn’t care as you jumped onto Lena, laughing as she staggered under your unexpected weight.

“Sie ist zurück,” Lynn cheered as Lena span around in circles, you clinging to her as your joint laughter filled the pitch.

“Ich bin so zurück!” You stuck your tongue out at Lynn jokingly.

Lena had been with you when you received the email from Sarina. If she wasn’t, she would have thought you were dying with the loudness of your scream when the England team email popped up in your inbox. She had wrapped you up in her strong embrace as your tears spilled over. You spent the day on the couch, watching Disney movies and definitely breaking your diet, your weight fully on her as you snuggled, both of you drifting in and out of sleep. It had been a rough 7 and a half months for you, filled with many, many dark days. But Lena had been there to hold you through it all, to guide you out of the tough times with gentle words and soft kisses filled with love and hope. You didn’t know if you could ever, ever repay her for everything she had done for you.

And then you were off to the World Cup.

I hope you enjoyed it <3<3<3<3<3

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helen-with-an-a · 4 months

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Something About Finals pt 2

Hiya. So this is Part 2 of Something About Finals. This was originally all 1 story but then it was almost 10K so oops. Anyways, have 2 stories ahahah

shout out to @lyak12 for fixing my google translated German

Lena Oberdorf x Reader

Part 1 : Part 2

Description: R and Finals do not get along

Word Count: 6.3k

also these pictures are doing something to me

And then you were off to the World Cup.

You were shocked to receive the phone call that informed you, you had made the final squad. Lena wasn’t though, she had seen the hours of work that you had put in, the dedication, the effort, the blood, sweat and tears. You had kissed her goodbye much like you had done before the Euros, reassuring each other that no matter what, you were there, and you loved the other with all your heart. You weren’t able to watch many of her matches since you often had some form of training or your own matches that got in the way. But you always had the score notifications on. England sailed through the group stages with comparative ease … well definitely easier than Germany had. You had flicked on the final seconds of her match to see Lena sink to her knees. You heart broke for her, a lump forming in your throat as you saw the love of your life look so devastated. You sent her a quick text asking her to call you when she had a moment and reaffirming your love.

“Hey, bubba,” you said softly as her facetime call connected.

“Hi, liebling.” You had never heard her sound so … down. Even after losing the Champions League and the Euros, there was still a little life to her voice. But not now. Now, she sounded so low, so unlike your usual Lena.

“It’s not your fault, you know that, right?” You cut straight to the point. You knew what would be going through her mind. She wouldn’t make eye contact with you through the phone. “Obi, my love. Das ist nicht deine Schuld.” You said emphatically.

“But, if I had just-” She started, trying to prove to you that it really was her fault

“Lena Sophie Oberdorf,” you snapped. “I will not hear it. Das ist nicht. Deine. Schuld.” She nodded but you could tell she didn’t believe you. You carried the rest of the phone call, telling her about the silly in-camp gossip and drama, nearly pulling out a whole stand up show to get her to laugh, or at least smile again. You had ended the conversation as the clock flashed 12, probably a bit too late for you to be up but you wanted to keep talking for as long as possible.

“Bubba, I need to go to sleep,” you said as you went about your night routine, grateful that FIFA had splurged on giving you your own rooms for the tournament.

“Don’t go,” she whined, equally as tired but just as unwilling to hang up the phone.

“Ok, honey. How about I stay on the phone until you fall asleep, yeh?” You could see her perk up slightly, despite the dark circles under her eyes that told you she was not getting enough sleep in the past few weeks. You waited until you heard her breaths even out, her phone in a similar position to you resting against the pillow. You smiled softly, wishing her sweet dreams as you hung up the phone. You sent two texts before you snuggled down to sleep yourself. One to Lena for her to see in the morning, telling her how proud you were of her and how much you loved her. The other was to Alex, sending her the biggest hugs and asking her to keep an eye on Lena for you until you could make it back to her.

The World Cup was a rollercoaster of emotions. But now you were in the final. Just like the Euro final, there was an aura of nervous calm across the England changing rooms … if that was even the best way to describe it. Everyone was doing their pre-match rituals and routine, getting themselves in the right headspace to step foot on the pitch. But there was a nervousness in the air, the anticipation of finally gaining that star above the badge.

Everything was not going to plan. You were still 1-0 down with just 5 minutes left of regular time. Hermoso had the ball as you crowded her out, pressing yourself against her to toe the ball away from her. You had succeeded too, letting Kiera tap it over to Georgia to start another press. You had the weirdest sense of Déjà vu as you turned around, separating yourself from the Spanish defender and moving into the open space. You gasped as you twisted, something popping in your right knee. The familiar pain radiated down your shin and up your thigh causing you to scream as you collapsed to the floor.

No, no, no. Not again. This could not be happening again.

“Kid, what’s wrong?” It was Lucy who appeared by your side first, exactly like the last time.

“Not again.” You whimpered, letting out a sob as you hit your fist on the grass, trying to push the pain away.

“Is it your knee?” Millie asked. This was all too similar to last time and it made you cry even harder. You couldn’t tell if you were nodding or not, but Millie just scratched your head. Just like last time. “It’s ok, honey. The medics are coming.” She patted your hand as you clutched at it. You groaned and whimpered as the medics moved you around, never letting go of Millie and staring straight at Lucy, the layer of tears making it hard to see properly.

Just like last time, the hideous orange stretcher lifted you away as you were clapped off the pitch. Just like last time, you were carried into the medical room and placed on the awaiting bed.

“Kid?” A voice called out as they ran down the corridor. Someone must have pointed whoever it was in the right direction as the next moment, a very flustered and out of breath Leah appeared, phone gripped in one hand. “Yeh, I’m with her now," she directed to whoever was on the phone. “Honey, I’ve got Lena on the phone," she said as she came to your side. You nodded, wiping away the tears on your cheeks.

“Hey, liebling.”

“H-hi.” It set you off on another round of tears, Leah drawing you into her.

“Oh, liebe. It’s ok.” Lena said so gently as she tried to fight her own tears.

She was sitting on the couch in your flat back in Wolfsburg watching the final with most of the team. The disappointment she felt when the ball bounced past Mary’s fingers was nothing compared to the fear she felt as you went to the floor. Not again. Please don’t let this happen again. She thanked the lucky stars she had the forethought years ago to ask for a few of your national friends phone numbers in case she needed to get a hold of you but couldn’t during international breaks. She had just pulled out her phone when Leah’s contact flashed on her screen. She accepted it before she really knew what was happening.

“I’m going down to see her now,” is what Leah had said as soon as the call went through. Alex had rubbed comforting circles on Lena’s back as Jule held tightly onto her open hand.

“Let me switch to facetime,” Leah said, gently taking the phone off you and pressing the right buttons. Lena’s concerned face popped up, taking in Leah’s frazzled expression and your hair pressed against her shoulder, hiding your face from the world. “C’mon, honey.” Leah coaxed you out from her neck, handing you her phone and moving to step away.

“Stay.” You croaked, clutching onto Leah like a lifeline. She nodded, moving her arms to support you as you rested your head back on her shoulder.

“Hallo, liebling.” Lena started again, moving off the sofa and into your bedroom, the soft expression of love visible on her features. “It is your knee?” You sniffed, nodding at her words. She hadn’t seen you look this small, this unsure … ever, she doesn’t think.

“I don’t think I can do this again,” you whispered. Leah knew you were talking to Lena, but she couldn’t help but squeeze you even tighter at your words, her heart breaking. Only you and Lena knew of the extent of your bad days. The days that getting out of bed seemed like too much effort and all you wanted to do was sleep and embrace the darkness. The days were all you could do was silently cry, gripping onto Lena so tightly your knuckles had turned white, and your fingers had started to cramp.

“Das kannst du, liebling. Das kannst du auf jeden Fall. Erinnerst du dich, an das, was ich nach dem EM-Finale gesagt habe? Du schaffst das, und ich gehe nirgendwo hin, du nusst das nicht alleine schaffen.”

“It hurts, bubba.”

“I know, liebe. I know.” Lena implored, Leah squeezing you again at you words. “Aber, du bist so, so stark. Du kannst das.” You shook your head, letting the tears roll steadily down your cheeks. “Ich liebe dich so sehr.”

“I love you too,” you replied, your lashes wet and face red. Did she really mean that? How could she love you after all you had put her through in the past year? Why would she want to stay with you after the nightmare you had been? And now, you were going to put her through it all again. You had clearly disappeared into your mind, certainly enough for Lena to notice. You eyes had unfocused, a faraway look on your face as the thoughts spiralled out of control. You couldn’t do this again. The last time was almost too much to bear. This time … you couldn’t let yourself lean on Lena like you did … she wouldn’t want you to. Why would anyone want a washed-up 21-year-old footballer as their girlfriend? Why would someone want a partner who struggled to keep the bad thoughts at bay? Your breathing had slowed down, the breaths coming far fewer than necessary.

“Hey, hey. Komm zu mir zurück.” Lena called out, catching Leah’s eye in the camera, and exchanging worried looks. Leah shook you gently when you made no effort to acknowledge what Lena had said. You jumped slightly, clearly coming back to the room around you.

“Ich denke … I think … ich denke das könnte mich kaputt machen.” You whispered, sounding so scared of what the future might hold. It was easier to say in your second language. It made it less real.

“Dann werde ich da sein, um dich wieder aufzubauen.” Lena promised. “We all will be.” You looked at her unsurely. How could she promise that? “I know what you’re thinking … stop it.” You looked away sheepishly, turning into Leah more. “I love you more than you will ever, ever understand,” Lena said emphatically, willing you to feel her love even though you were more than 10,000 miles away. She wanted nothing more than to be there in person. She should have stayed in Australia. She should have been at the final, cheering you on. She should have been in that small medical room, letting you cry into her chest.

A throat cleared from the door, a man in the England medical staff shirt sheepishly stuck his head through the gap.

“I’m sorry, duck. But we gotta run some more tests and stuff. Get you strapped up and whatnot.” His broad Yorkshire accent echoed in the small space. You nodded, looking up at Leah, then back to her phone.

“We’ll just be a minute,” Leah smiled at him. He frowned then realisation dawned on him. He smiled at you and shut the door.

“Bubba, I’ve got to go.” You said shyly.

“Ok, liebling. Stay safe, ja?” She smiled; even through the pixels, you could tell it wasn’t meeting her eyes all the way.

“Stets,” you replied automatically. “Ich liebe dich.”

“Ich liebe dich auch.”

“Don’t worry, Lena. She’s in safe hands until we can get her back to Germany,” Leah smiled, rubbing her hands up and down your arms and winking into the camera.

“She better be, Williamson. If she doesn’t make it home to me in one piece, England will never get their captain back.” She faux-threatened, grateful to see the small smile gracing you lips.

The flight back to Germany was nothing like the flight home from the Euros. Instead of Lena guiding you through the airport, sending intimidating glares at anyone in your path, you had Leah and Jill. Leah was absolutely useless. You gave her a little bit of grace considering she was still very much recovering from her own ACL injury but still, she was completely unhelpful and very much not the safe hands that she had promised Lena. Jill was … less useless. She at least took the initiative to wheel your suitcases along for you and helped guide you through to the right gate. But she was a horrible flyer. She was nervous and that led to the constant need to fidget. When she eventually fell asleep, it had been on your shoulder, pinning you in place for the majority of the flight which did not help you swollen knee. You had never been more grateful to hear the Captain announce your descent into Braunschweig airport. You were so thankful that Leah and Jill had diverted their flights to Wolfsburg for you instead of flying straight to Gatwick, but you couldn’t help the desire for them to, in the nicest way possible, fuck off. They were constantly bothering you; they were always checking if you needed anything or wanted something. You knew they meant well, and you were so, so appreciative of their efforts but it was very irritating when all you wanted to do was sleep away the flights and layovers.

Seeing Lena at the arrivals gate was like a breath of fresh air, like breaking the surface of a pool after being under for too long, like stepping into an air-conditioned room on a hot summers day.

“Hey, liebling.”

“Hi, bubba.” You crutched your way into her embrace, her warm, soft, strong arms cementing themselves around your shoulders as you buried your nose in her hoodie, taking deep breaths of your favourite smell, letting the scent seep into your bones and ease your aching muscles.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come back to ours? We’ve got a pull-out couch and an air mattress.” She asked over your shoulder to Leah and Jill.

“Nah, it’s all good mate. We’ve got flights and stuff tomorrow so we’re just staying at the hotel here.” Leah explained. You lifted your head out of your hiding place and extending one arm towards Leah. She took you hand, and you squeezed tightly.

“Thank you.” You said to her, sending a tired smile her way. She smiled back.

“Of course, kid. You know I’d do anything for you, we all would.”

“Stay safe, yeh? Have lots of rest and drink plenty of water.” Jill reminded you, taking your hand from Leah and pressing a kiss to the back of it.

“Yes, mum.” You teased lightly, although Lena knew it was only a façade, an attempt to prove you were fine.

“Love you lots, kiddo.”

“Love you too, guys.” You watched them both walk away before turning back to Lena, never once leaving her embrace.

“Willkommen zu Hause, superstar,” Lena whispered in your ear, smiling as your arms tightened around her waist. “Let’s get you home, liebling.”

“Just … wait. Let me stay here for a minute.” You refused to loosen your grip. You took deep steady breaths that Lena could tell was your attempt at pushing away the darkness.

Eventually, you did make it home, Lena’s hand on your thigh the entire time. The movement of the car, Lena’s soft hum as she sang alone to the radio, the comforting smell … all of it was too much. As you entered your flat, you couldn’t help but let the tears flow. You had been doing that a lot recently. Your knee was hot and sore, the brace was itchy and ugly, Lena was too kind and comforting, you were tired and angry and scared and sad, and it was all too much.

“Liebe?” Lena asked as she came back from the bedroom. She rushed over to where you stood, in the middle of the tiny living room hysterically sobbing. “Oh, liebling.” She didn’t promise you it was all ok, that you were fine and that things would work out in the end. She knew that was not what you wanted to hear. “Es kann sein, dass es dir im Moment nicht gut geht,” she said as she pulled you to her, letting your tears soak her collar. “I can be ok for the both of us, right now,” she vowed. “I’m not going anywhere. You are safe. You are loved.”

You didn’t know how long you stood in the middle of your tiny flat with Lena whispering sweet nothings in your ear, but you did end up in bed, your leg elevated and iced and your girlfriend curling herself around you.

“I’m scared, bubba. Really, really scared,” you whispered into the darkness, long after you should have gone to sleep.

“And that’s ok, liebling. It’s ok to be scared. What happened was really scary, especially so close to last time.” She whispered back, her fingers drawing shapes on the exposed skin of your waist. Only 385 days in between tearing your left ACL and snapping your right one. 1 year and 20 days. 55 weeks. 9240 hours. 554,400 minutes. 33,264,000 seconds. “I love you. And I’ve got you. I’m not going anywhere,” she promised.

The next year of your life was the hardest you had ever done. Every time the shadows threatened to overwhelm you, to engulf your entire being and never let you back into the light, Lena was there. She didn’t even realise most of the time. The first few days after returning from Australia was tough but manageable. You had cried some more … a lot more, especially after you shut the door behind Jule and Sveindís as they left your home. It was controllable up until Lena had to go back to preseason training. She had delayed it as long as she could, the club had allowed her a few days to help you resettle into your routine. When her alarm chimed at 8 am that Monday morning, you knew it was going to a rough one. The tiredness, the ache that had settled deep within your soul felt extra heavy. Lena had been reluctant to leave you, and you had wanted her to stay so, so desperately but you slapped on a brave face and watched her from underneath your mound of blankets on the couch as she went about her morning routine. Bathroom. Shower. Coffee. Breakfast. Bathroom again. Out the door. It was a routine the two of you had mastered years ago had hardly ever deviated, yet here you were – catching the kisses she blew your way as she left for the day.

You had tried really hard to keep the darkness away, and you had almost … almost achieved it. It wasn’t until one late afternoon, a week or so before the regular season began, when you had tried to make yourself a cup of hot chocolate and had splashed boiling water of the side of the cup and dropped the mug that everything came to a head.

You were angry, and frightened, and unsure, and in so much pain. You screamed. It hurt your throat, but you didn’t care. You yelled, cursing the universe for doing this to you. It was pure emotion that bubbled up inside. You tugged at your hair, you scratched deep red lines across your stomach, rubbed harshly at your eyes. Anything … anything to make these feelings disappear. You didn’t even realise Lena had come home. She knew you hadn’t been doing well. The physio had pulled her aside after your session to ask for help. Every member of the team, staff and players alike, had recognised your slow descent into the blackness. It wasn’t like the previous time. You had been optimistic last time, excited to be reaching your milestones and goals. But this time it was a struggle to get you into the training centre, let alone the gym and to do any exercises. You weren’t yourself and it was painfully obvious that something was wrong.

She rushed to your side, dropping her bags carelessly on her way over.

“Ok, ok,” she shushed you, wrapping her arms tightly around you to stop yourself from hurting you even more. You struggled at first, out of shock or anger neither one of you was really sure. But you slowly started to calm down. Her body ground you, the warmth at you back providing an anchor to cling to. She rocked you gently from side to side, mindful of your knee but knowing the action soothed you. She stayed silent until you leant heavily against her, most of your weight now being held by her.

“I need help.” It was all you could say. This was no way to live, and you knew that. That’s what made it worse for you was that you knew you weren’t ok; you knew you needed some serious assistance and had been needing it for quite a while. She hummed in agreement, thankful that you could recognise how bad it was.

“We can talk about it later. But first a shower, and then snuggles in bed.” There was no room for argument, not when she was already guiding you to the bathroom. The shower was hot and steamy as Lena cleaned your skin with her body wash, littering kisses as the water washed the suds away. She massaged your head as she worked the shampoo and conditioner through your hair, taking care to untangle the knots. She worked your moisturiser across your body, taking time to go through your neglected skincare regime and pull the softest t-shirt she owned over your head. She took your hand as she guided you to the bedroom, picking up your brush and hairdryer on the way to the vanity. She was so gentle as she dried your hair, braiding it back for you once it was dried. She settled you against the pillows before she slipped in beside you, resting her head against your collarbone and throwing a leg across your waist.

“I’m sorry.” You stared at the ceiling trying very hard not to cry, instead letting your fingers card through the brown strands of hair that were loose down her back.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” she argued softly, squeezing you as she made her point

“Yes, I have. I’ve been a shite girlfriend.”

“No, you haven’t. You’ve been going through some real shit.”

“But,”

“Nein. Ich werde es nicht hören,” she refused, drawing shapes on your arm. “You have been through hell and back, yet you always ask about my day. You always stand next to me when I make dinner. You always hold me at night. You always let me choose what to watch on TV, even if you don’t like it. It might be a little dark for you right now, but I’m not going anywhere, and neither are you. I told you I was in this for as long as you want me, remember?”

“Of course, I do.” How could you forget your unconventional way of getting together?

“And do you still want me?” she asked.

“Of course, I do.” You repeated, kind of shocked that she would ask such a thing. “I want you forever.”

“Then you have me forever. I’m not going anywhere, and it’s time you started realising that.” You blinked rapidly, trying not to cry for a totally different reason.

“You are perfect, Lena Oberdorf.”

“You are perfect, Y/F/N Y/S/N.” You pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

“I think I need to talk to a professional, like go to therapy or something.” You said a little while later. Neither of you had moved, just soaking up each other’s presence.

“I think that a very smart idea,” she answered, choosing her words carefully. “Do you want it to be with the club or completely separate?”

“I don’t know,” you worried. You hadn’t really got that far in your thinking, you only recognised that you needed the professional intervention.

“That’s ok,” she reassured you. “The club can recommend someone, like a ... Sportpsychologe, or you can go to the doctors and sort something out by yourself.”

“Would … would you come with me to talk to the club doctors?” You asked. It was silly really, she spent almost every waking hour reminding you that she was by your side.

“Natürlich. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else … unless you want to be alone,” she rushed.

“No, no. I want you there. You keep the bad thoughts away.” You had never told her that, you were sure she knew it in some way.

The next morning, you felt lighter, the ache in your body not as pronounced as previous days. Lena walked with you to the medics office, standing like a silent lighthouse to guide you through the choppy waters. She kissed you softly as you parted for training, her going out with the rest of the team as you went to the gym. It was a sudden change; it wasn’t like a switch had been flicked and suddenly you were all better. But with every passing training session and talk with the therapist, you stood slightly taller, you no longer looked at the weights with distain, you huffed at jokes and eventually started laughing again. You still had your dark days, but things were slowly looking up. The storm was clearing for you, the path more clear with every little success. Walking on one crutch. Walking with no crutches. Weighted exercises. Running on the treadmill with assistance. Running on the treadmill without assistance. Progress was slow, much slower than last time, but it was happening, nonetheless.

The biggest factor in your progress came from an unexpected source. Lena had been approached by her agent in November about an offer from Bayern. The two of you had talked it through at length and came to the conclusion that she should go for it. You had lamented over the idea of long distance, but you knew your love was one for the ages. If Lena could put up with you during the dark days (although she hated when described it as putting up with you. It had been the spark of a few arguments), you knew you could last the time. You still had a year left on your contract for you to be going on a free, so you also reached out to your agent to tell him to start the process of looking at a potential move. It was then that he said an email had come through from another team in Germany looking to sign you. You had questioned the legitimacy; how could a club want to sign you when you had so little playing time? You cried when the forwarded email arrived in your inbox. Bayern wanted you too. The email explained that they were willing to spend the necessary money to get both you and Lena on their team, recognising the undeniable chemistry you had. It was true; almost every goal Lena scored when you were on the pitch, you had been involved in. It was a no brainer – you were phoning the agency back to accept the deal before you even spoke to Lena. You kept it under lock and key for about 2 weeks, making sure your surprise was perfect.

“Liebling?” Lena shouted as she walked through the door, confused as to your location. Normally, when you were home before she was, you were either making a start on dinner or on the couch – both of which were visible from the entryway.

“Nur eine Minute,” you shouted, voice coming from the closed bedroom door. “Sit on the sofa please, I have something to show you.” Lena did what she was told, highly puzzled by your behaviour. Was she missing some important date? She quickly ran through the key ones in her mind, your birthday? No, her birthday? No, that was in December, your anniversary? No, that was in between Christmas and New Year's. Valentines Day? No, it was only mid-January. In all her worrying, she had missed you walking out of the bedroom. You waited for her to notice you and when that was not forthcoming, you nudged her gently with your foot. She jumped slightly, looking up at you. She drank in your smooth bare legs, blinking in surprise and smirking appreciatively when she realised that you only had on a shirt, your hair fluffed up and makeup done to perfection.

“What’s all this?” she asked, reaching out to hold your hips. You stepped back, chuckling at her pout.

“Look at my shirt, bubba,” you nodded down at your chest, hoping she would catch the logo. As she scanned up the red fabric, she began to recognise the material, the infamous Allianz logo splattered across your torso had the gears turning in her head. Finally, she made eye contact with the Bayern logo.

“Ein Bayern-Trikot?” You span around, showing her your back – although she was more focussed on your exposed arse than whose name was on it. “I am loving the view, liebe,” she teased.

“No, dipshit. Whose name is on the back?” She reluctantly broke her stare and scanned the writing.

“Y/S/N? Liebling, I don’t think Wolfsburg will like you wearing a personalised Bayern shirt.” God, she could be dense at times.

“No, bubs,” you sighed, turning back to face her and shoving lightly on her shoulders. She shuffled back on the couch, allowing you to straddle her lap. Her hands automatically went to your waist, although the confused expression still lingered on her features.

“You can be so thick sometimes, Obi,” you laughed at her offended squawk. “I got an email from my agent a few weeks ago,” you explained, pulling her hair out her ponytail. “I’ve got an offer,” you hinted, playing with the ends of her now-loose strands. You raised an eyebrow, looking from her to the logo on your shirt and back again.

“B-Bayern?” She whispered, trying to keep the hope and excitement at bay.

“Bayern,” you nodded, a wide grin spreading across your face.

“Scheisse … oh, mein Gott. Oh, mein Gott!” She launched her body forward, slamming you into a hug. “You’re going to Bayern?” She asked, her voice muffled by the fabric.

“We’re going to Bayern,” you corrected, drawing her head away from your collarbone.

“Ich liebe dich,” Her eyes flitted between yours and your lips.

“I love you,” you drew her to you, relishing in the quite hum she let out.

It took until the spring for you to start training with the team again. Lena had been with you the whole time. If you thought she was excited the first-time round, she was on cloud 9 this time. She had been buzzing with energy when you told her you were to go out on the grass again. You could see her practically vibrating with joy as you slipped on your underused boots again. She had bounded over to you, chatting away and generally irritating everyone, but her energy was infectious. Running again after so long was … words could not describe the feeling.

Slowly but surely, you were returning back to your old self. You and Tommy had sat down with the medical team discuss your return to match squad. You were performing well at training and things were looking up. You felt ready for the ‘less important’ matches. With the league mathematically won by Bayern with 2 match days to spare, Wolfsburg were more willing to let you return sooner rather than later. But with the Pokal final being the only chance at silverware, the management was reluctant to even sub you in. And honestly, you weren’t sure you were ready for a final just yet. The last three finals you had played in, the Euros, the Champions League, and the World Cup, had not gone your way, two of them being the worst games of your life. You agreed to be on the bench as an unused sub, you knew you had to start getting over the phobia and figured this would be a good way to start – just being in the atmosphere of a final with no pressure to play or perform. You could do that.

You stuck to your old match day routine, the known comforts helping to calm your nerves. It all started with the pitch inspection with Lena, hands brushing together as you walked too close to just be friends, although you had quickly darted over to see Georgia.

“Are you playing?” Georgia asked.

“What? No, oh my god, hi, I haven’t seen you in so long?” you teased, hugging her tightly.

“Hi,” she said bluntly, “are you playing?” squeezing you back just as tightly.

“No,” you shook your head. “Apparently, I’m to view this as a form of exposure therapy.” She looked at you quizzically. “Doing your ACL twice, both of which in a final, kinda fucks with your head,” you joked. She nodded solemnly. “Also, I have some news,” you added. “But you better keep your bloody mouth shut though, Stanway,” you pointed a finger at her. “No telling Leah or Kei or Luce or anyone else until at least the end of the season,” you threatened.

“Alright, alright, what’s the big news then, if it’s so top secret?”

“I got an offer, I’m leaving Wolfsburg.”

“Oh, my god. Where to?” She squealed. You had voiced your concerns to her over the phone about staying in Wolfsburg without Lena.

“Um …” you took a deep breath. “Bayern,” you said confidently. She paused, her mouth open slightly.

“You’re moving to Bayern?” She screeched.

“Lock and key, Stanway,” you emphasised but nodding and smiling anyway. You looked over your shoulder when you heard Lena call your name. “I’ve got to go, but I’ll see you soon, yeah?” You hugged her again.

“Love you lots and lots,” she said, shaking you jokingly.

“Yeah, yeah. Love you too, hope you play like shite,” you jested, laughing as she flipped you off.

The final was going well, you remained calm and collected. Lena had brushed your hair into your usual hairstyle, taking care to smooth your fly aways down. You returned the favour by lacing up her boots, pressing kisses to each knee as you finished. Things were going swimmingly, until Lena got tangled up with the Bayern keeper, and fell to the ground.

“Mein Knie.” You heard her shout from all away across the pitch. You blood froze, your heart sank. No, no, no, this could not … no. You reached blindly for Sveindís as the medics ran on, your eyes never leaving Lena’s body.

“It’s ok, she’s fine.” Sveindís promised, squeezing your hand.

“Her knee,” you croaked.

“Sie bewegt sich, siehst du, die Sanitäter sind jetzt bei ihr. Sie redet, sie bewegt sich. She’s ok.” Marina squeezed your shoulder from behind you, sending you a comforting smile, despite the fact you couldn’t see it. You kept your eyes on her even as she stood up, flexing her knee and walking off the pitch with the medics. Despite reassurances from all the team and the medical staff who had treated her, you never looked away from Lena. You had to make sure she was ok. You stared at her face, trying to register any slight look of discomfort.

When the half time whistle went, you were the first out of your seat, hovering by the tunnel entrance for Lena to appear. She must have seen your anxiousness from a mile away. You were fidgeting with your fingers, biting your lip as you scanned the incoming players.

“Hey,” she said, tapping you on the shoulder. You careened into her, your arms tightening around her waist. “I’m ok. I’m ok,” she repeated over and over again, her hand rubbing up and down your back, feeling you shakily take breaths to stop any waterworks.

“Don’t ever do that again!” You pulled back from her, keeping her in an embracing though.

“I’ll try not to,” she chuckled at your seriousness.

“I mean it, bubba. That was terrifying.” Your mouth setting to a firm line and eyebrows furrowing.

“I know, liebling. And I’m sorry I caused you so much stress.” She let her thumb move across your cheek. “Aber ich verspreche dir, mir geht es absolut gut. My knees are ok, your knees are ok. Alles ist gut.”

“Fucking hate finals,” you grumbled, twisting your body so you could walk back to the changing room without letting go.

“Ich weiß, dass du das tust, Liebling, ich weiß."

I hope you enjoyed it <3<3<3<3