#She Just Wants to Play Piano!

[wigglybunfish]

Been rereading Little Women recently... or technically, properly reading it for the first time. The last time I touched this book was when I was ten, and the book I touched was a shortened chinese edition (or was it just the first half? anyway) Here are the sisters in 21 century post covid and I think Beth would've loved the groundbreaking invention that is the Hoodie

[titsthedamnseason]

HAPPY LONDON N1 YALL!!! i can just feel this run of shows is going to be CRAZY. also if you haven’t realized hi it’s me juli titsthedamnseason and yes even under yet another new url i am hosting the surprise song game! the rules are simple: leave your guesses in the tags or replies and if you’re right i will give you a shoutout <3

i’m personally about to give the worst guesses ever but i already submitted them to mastermind so i feel like i have to stick with it. so im going imgonnagetyouback / better than revenge and robin / never grow up i definitely should be going with a london song or the black dog but hey. whatever

[lily-s-world]

Seeing so many comments about how people think that Francesca is an uninteresting and sort of a loser character, it really confirms that introverts who love to be alone aren't accepted or appreciated by a lot of people.

We love being alone with our interests and hobbies. Socializing comes low on the list of priorities, and that isn't a bad thing, and it doesn't make us "losers."

[trashlie]

ILY FP 258

I can't believe we're actually passed episode 250 lmao I Love Yoo is truly the never ending story (affectionate). I appreciate how much of the story we really get to dig into at this pace and while I know a lot of people have long-since dropped it, I imagine the rest of us (those reading this post because why else are you here?) also appreciate it. And that's what is even more refreshing about this episode - if refreshing is even a word we can use to describe it. Getting the extra scenes from other characters, a look at their lives and from these glimpses, what we can glean in the unsaid between the lines.

Can you believe I used to prey on Kousuke's downfall? There's so many posts of me talking about him from a different view, believing that the only way he could grow and develop and make the changes necessary to make him a better person was for him to crash and burn, to fail so significantly that he would be forced to pen his eyes to reality. But here we are, me, fervently swaddling him up like a baby and shoving him into my pocket because GOD he needs to be protected.

I don't even remember when it was, that my view on him began to shift, when I went from "he's interesting but awful" to "GOD THIS IS MY SON AND I WILL FIGHT EVERYONE YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH ME" but.... lol there's no going back!

That's enough rambling, let's jump in.

There is something so painfully devastating about every time ILY confirms to us something we have long-since known or suspected through nuance, foreshadowing, reading between the lines, etc: That Kousuke isn't Rand's biological son, that Shinae was at the formal for Gun Kim, that Kousuke has been manipulated his whole life. Nothing in this episode regarding Kousuke is actually new to us. We have known, and talked about, for months and months long before the confirmation reveal that Yui drugs Kousuke - that he has been manipulated by her his entire life, that she orchestrated his life to manipulate him into situations she could take advantage of. It's the way she spoke about Rand's affair around Kousuke, the way she commodified Rand's love so Kousuke became convinced he'd never earned his father's love, the way she spoke of their family vs others and convinced him from such a young age that everyone was out to get them, to destroy them, and that he couldn't let them get close, couldn't let them near - and how Nol was very much a target planted in his mind.

But it's the fact that he is speaking of this and acknowledging it! Until now, Kousuke has heavily lived in denial. Again, we know this. We talk a lot about the chasm between reality and the reality he believes in. We talk a lot about how Kousuke couldn't face reality, even though on some level he knew everything he believed and was told was not quite true not quite real, but that he was so afraid of the truth, he couldn't do it. Kousuke admitting that he's been driven by fear and envy explains everything about him, and why he could not accept the only unwavering unconditional love he was offered.

A few weeks ago I saw a video on instagram of this father talking about a conversation he had with his daughter, who was feeling a little uncomfortable with her friend group. A new girl started to play with her and her best friend and she said she wasn't exactly jealous, but that maybe it was that she was afraid that there wasn't enough love to go around. Her dad had to explain to her that love is not like a pizza - it's not finite, a limited amount that could be taken and hogged by someone else. But Kousuke never learned this. His father's love was commodified and he was made to fear this other kid who he mistakenly believed knew a version of his father he'd never been privy to. He never learned that love is finite, that Rand could have enough love for the both of them, and feared that Nol would hog it all - that he WAS hogging it all because whether or not it was good or bad, Nol received more attention that Kousuke did. And that speaks VOLUMES about how Kousuke sees Rand, what he thinks of their relationship. In his mind, he is still unworthy, that he's not noteworthy enough.

This part gets to me so badly. We, as omniscient readers, know that Rand has tried his best, but that Yui runs a spectacular interference with which he can't compete, largely because of the roles their family have placed them in - Rand the busy businessman, Yui the mommy homemaker. But no matter how hard he tries, it isn't good enough. Rand tries to reach Kousuke, but the manipulation and paranoia are so far gone that the times Rand does have the chance to convey his feelings, Kousuke can't even believe it, because he thinks he's not good enough to deserve that love, that he hasn't fully qualified for it yet. And despite that, Nol, who Kousuke feels hasn't done half of what he has to deserve Rand's love, gets the attention. It doesn't matter that it's negative attention, that Rand barks at Nol, that Nol feels Rand hates and regrets him, because ultimately, it's still more than Kousuke receives. And worse, to him, every time Rand is busy reprimanding Nol, he turns away from Kousuke to do it.

I want to make it clear that this is a deep trauma point of Kousuke's. He's never learned healthy love and the only person who gave him healthy love was someone he was set to fear and fight. Something I think about a lot is the flashback to Kousuke, in the bushes, watching Nessa and Nol's display of warm affection, before Yui appears literally looming before him. In that moment, he witnesses something he's been deprived of. "We're not like other families"'. He's told from a young age he shouldn't compare himself to those healthy families, to warm and affectionate relationships that he will not cultivate in this household. From such a young age it is normalized, that they aren't like others, that they are cold and distant. From a young age, he's made to stuff down his feelings, his tender wants and desires, in order to earn them. To be a good little boy who makes his parents proud. To make his father look his way.

There's also something about the way he says "I've been a good boy" that echoes Shinae learning she's been manipulated by Yui, devastated and angry and yelling about how she's been a good girl so why do these things keep happening to her, all she wanted to do was help her dad. Two people who, from a young age, felt they had to be so obedient, so good, to not be a burden, and despite following the rules, despite doing as they were told, despite trying to be whatever version of "good" they believed in, the world still beat them up and mistreated them. The world still punished them.

As Rin in our discord server pointed out, though, to some degree, Kousuke is very much a person who can - and does - act out, when he's emotionally high-strung. He's a volatile man, and it's largely to do with the fact that he's been drugged to placate him for so long. He never learned emotional regulation, he never learned how to deal with high-stress situations or to face conflict or to own up to things. This is something that some readers who hate Kousuke and expect him to act a certain way because of his age are missing. You don't just learn these things with age. You learn them with experience and Kousuke was deprived of the opportunity TO have those experiences. He never had to learn these behaviors, and now as an adult he cannot function when overwhelmed.

Idk this whole episode is just heartbreaking. It's devastating. I remember when I was someone praying on Kousuke's downfall and now I want to take it all back ;___; I always believed he had to crash and burn to be able to see the world for what it really was and to face his fears, but this is somehow so much worse.

And even though he's drunk, I don't think he's going to forget all of this in the morning. Rather, I think what he's voicing are things that have been plaguing him since waking up in the hospital. From that moment, we saw him wary and distrustful of his mother, we saw his concern for Nol rising above everything else, but grappling with the understanding that he doesn't deserve to stand in front of Nol anymore. These aren't epiphanies coming to him just because he's drunk; it's more like he's only voicing them because he's drunk. But even when he sobers up, he will probably still be haunted by these fears, these agonies, these truths, this understanding.

How does he face his mother after this? How does he face anyone? He may not even feel like he can trust Jayce - who while very kind to him, is still employed by his family. He may not even feel like he can trust Hansuke (though I really hope that's not the case).

He's so miserable and it genuinely hurts to have him lay it all out for us - everything we've known and suspected, like how it was so painfully clear he WANTED Nol's friendship, their brotherhood, but feared it, didn't believe that there was enough love to go around, that there could only be one of them and that even if it was for good or bad reasons, Nol cast him in the shadow. And all these years, watching as Nol, as Yeonggi, grew into this person who sounded so very much like this unknown version of their father, someone funny who makes others laugh, someone goofy, someone so boyish in the ways Kousuke was never allowed to be. Watching as he gathers friends, while Kousuke, so unlikeable, is wanted only for his money, for his status, for the clout.

He doesn't even know WHO HE IS! Questioning his own traits he's believed of himself, wondering if this is even him, if these parts of him are real or does he just act it, say it, pretend it, while trying to fulfill a role he was shoved into. That makes me feel SO deeply sad, because it's something I've been anticipating for so long: Kousuke wondering WHO he really is, how much of him is real and how much of it is the result of manipulation.

And that moment that he catches himself and says no no that's offensive and rude you can't be like that. ;AAA;

For him to admit how much he envies others, how much he craves the kind of connection others have, the kind of family others have, to feel that love and warmth that he's been deprived of, forced to endure this solitude because, as he believes, he didn't get the good parts of Rand. And what will happen when he learns that Rand isn't his father? That he never stood a chance to inherit any of those traits. Kousuke has operated on this belief that, if he tries hard enough, he can earn the things he craves, but I fear learning about his parenthood will make him think that no matter how hard he tried, he would never earn that, because none of it was ever him, could have gone to him.

I think this is where Shinae, in the future, will come in. I feel so very strongly that she will be someone who helps Kousuke to see that this isn't true, that these kinds of personality traits aren't something inherited, but rather something learned. For him to one day realize it's the paralyzing fear that holds him back, not his genetics. Of course, I acknowledge this will still take a lot of therapy but...

Something else very remarkable to me is the way Kousuke recognizes Shinae in Shinhye, because their eyes "feel the same" and he opens up to her - on some level, whether or not he is consciously aware of it, Kousuke knows, or maybe just wants to, that he can trust Shinae. That she is someone who is safe. He even knows how she feels about his mother. I don't think we'll see a lot of Kousuke and Shinae's friendship until we're passed our timeskips, but it makes me feel a little hopeful about it, that she'll be able to reach him, because she feels like someone who is safe. It's the way he sees Nol in her and wants to try to have that do over, a relationship with someone who  has unconditional love for him. It's the way he knows he mistreated Nol, that it was wrong, that he took it all out on this kid he was so afraid of because he had no other outlet, and he wants to do better but knows that there's nothing to salvage anymore.

But also, it just makes me hope more and more that in the future we WILL see a reconciliation between the brothers. As I say every time, it doesn't mean they have to become brothers or friends, but I just want them to see each other fully. Kousuke knows what he did to Nol. He doesn't deny it, even if he might not say it out loud unless he's drunk. But Nol is still so in the dark. Yujing is trying to tip him off and make him aware of it, but I hope one day when Nol realizes it, when he finds out that Kousuke, too, was Yui's victim, that he wasn't the only one, that Kousuke was made to fear Nol's love, he might.... understand. I'm saying understand here loosely because I don't want people to get the idea that I mean Nol will forgive him and Kousuke will be justified, but rather that Nol would be able to understand why Kousuke felt that way, and move on. But I can't help but hope that it will lead to an understanding, a reconciliation, where maybe they can try to be in each other's lives.

I think it's also interesting that Shinhye was somewhat honest, even if she wasn't very forthcoming, with Kousuke about her own family. It sounds like her mother has been gone for a long time, that she's been on her own the whole while, and I think it reinforces the idea that she believes both that Simhan is her father and that he rejected her, that he didn't want anything to do with her. It lines up, too, with how she feels that he wouldn't react well if he saw her (although I think she credited that to looking like their mother). In the same way that Shinae has felt abandoned and cast aside by their mother, Shinhye probably thinks their father never tried reach out, to find them, to maintain a relationship with her. Or perhaps it's that her mother fed her lies about him, made her believe him a different type of man, made her believe there would never be anything of their relationship to salvage. And given that she's the one who Kousuke opened to, it makes me think that there must be some kind of parallel there; the way she mentioned her own mother feels like maybe her mother, too, was a manipulative - or at the very least, dishonest - person.

I don't speculate a lot on Shinhye because frankly I don't think I know enough about her to really try to talk about her, but I do think that it's very likely there's some kind of connection between Shinhye and the Hirahras or Gun. To be clear, I don't believe she's working with Yui at all. I think it's more like... Alyssa isn't the only girl who has been trafficked by Gun. What's the likelihood that Shinae and Shinhye's mother was? Given her history, the gambling addiction that was so egregious her reputation haunted Shinae and chased her to a new neighborhood and school, was she seeking money somewhere else, somewhere more dangerous? Is that part of why they had to change their name? There's so many questions left about them, and I look forward to learning more about her, but, much like with Alyssa, I think it will take time and be dropped in little tidbits like this - things to read into and try to glean something from.

And maybe we'll see more of this duo in the future? It would feel a little weird to give them this one single run in, but I'm not entirely sure. Quimchee likes to keep us on our toes. After all, Minhyuk and Shinhye have also had only the one run in. Still, I think it would be interesting to watch, if Shinhye ever felt.... I want to say maybe compelled? to dig in more to Kousuke, ever feel a kind of kinship. I don't think she'll open up to him at all, but rather, maybe she'd keep going back because a. he's wealthy and there's more she can nick from him (assuming he doesn't realize she stole anything while in his apartment, if he even remembers any of this) and b. wanting to gather more intel.

Like I said though, she's hard to read so I don't want to cling too hard to any ideas and, instead, sit back and enjoy the show.

[assassin-artist]

'neath the wisteria [OC]

[comradebestie]

my mom used to love me so much.

[welcometogrouchland]

Anyway since they're apparently not going to go with the "Steph leading/babysitting a team of young heroes" book idea (pause for despair) I'd like to pitch MY idea for Steph: Steph gets back into playing piano (she already started doing so in Batgirls #18!) and ends up taking on a mystery related to the basement rock scene in Gotham (I know the underground concert game there is INSANE absolutely prime serial killer territory)

[coldswarkids]

i see all of you have a lot of opinions tonight about many niche things. however i spent most of the day outside and i am too tired now to moderate all your opinions and inform you which ones are right. so you'll have to retire them all for now, to be brought before my throne another night

[agentravensong]

Why Kris Does (and Can't) Play the Piano

Something I've been thinking about for a little while is why Kris can't play the hospital piano when given the prompt by the Soul/Player.

My assumption from back in the days of Chapter 1 was that it was simply a byproduct of the possession, that something about the way Kris is being controlled keeps them from being able to play properly. But the more I've thought about it, the less sense it makes. It's not as if we're given an interface like with the piano in UnderTale that would limit Kris to pressing one key at a time, it's a yes or no input. And think of all the things Kris can do in battle in response to a one or two-word prompt given by us. Like with dialogue choices, the Soul may give Kris the basic command, but they're free, to a certain extent, to interpret and embellish upon it. Why would piano be any different? They should be free to play whatever they want.

For a lot of people, the kris_dreemurr_kris page complicated this question further. Does pianpian's complexity and subjective beauty prove that Kris can actually play piano, or does its chaotic nature with a lack of a clear melody prove that they don't actually know how? Or, does the fact that they go to play it after getting a look like they're "remembering something" suggest that the piano skill was never theirs at all?

For me, kris_dreemurr_kris provides an answer.

Specifically, thanks to this bit:

Kris doesn't want Noelle to watch them playing piano. Whether because they're still learning and get somewhat embarrassed by it, or because they just want it to be a private thing, they don't want an active audience.

Now, we don't know exactly how much time has passed between this blog post and the events of the game, but, based on the first line of the page ("there was a time when they were coming over almost every day"), it's been a little while since Kris began this piano ritual. We don't know how good they've gotten at it since then, but based on the harsh look they give Susie when she teases them for not being able to actually play piano, I'd wager a guess that they've gotten good enough that their pride was hurt by such a comment.

But if Kris can play, why don't they?

Because it's something they do for themself. Music, after all, is a form of self-expression.

And whether or not they'd be willing to let Susie be an audience to it, it can't be Kris's genuine self-expression when they're not fully themself. When someone else is making them do it (even if they would have full control over the actual playing). It has to be their choice.

So they flub it on purpose. A dissonant chord that gets across the idea "oh, they can't play anything better than this", and thereby lets them back away. And as much as they hate how it leads Susie to the incorrect conclusion, they'd rather that than play wonderfully when a) there's the risk of her later finding out about the possession and attributing their piano skill to their possessor, or, just, b) it can't be genuinely theirs.

Now, as far as why Kris gets that strange look of remembrance on their face before going to play Noelle's piano... That's where we get more into out-there theory territory.

I don't think that Kris is being possessed at those moments - not in the way we currently understand it, at least. While it does seem likely that there's been something fucky with their Soul for a good while now that got them to have a routine for taking it out, the look Noelle describes them having in these moments doesn't seem to match up with how the possession has been described to affect Kris. The nurse in the hospital says in Chapter 1 that they look a little sick, and when Noelle in post-Snowgrave describes how Kris is acting weird, she says they've only been acting strange "recently". If Kris was being possessed pre-Chapter 1, it was a possession of a significantly different kind (and I have to wonder why such a possessor would be taking them away from their time with Noelle to play piano, and why they would force Kris to stop the second they're observed).

So if it isn't that... what is it?

Perhaps it has to do with a secret in pianpian itself. As @gasterofficial discovered, with some audio editing, you can hear a scratching sound in there. If that sounds familiar, it should:

Perhaps Kris's playing of the piano is an attempt to reach out to someone - or, more in line with the way they'd leave Noelle so abruptly to start playing, to reciprocate their communication. Whether that be with the person doing the scratching, or the person in the code who also hears the scratching. If you're still fond of the possession idea in this context, you could even argue that they're channeling that person in these moments.

As far as who that person is... what characters do we know of currently who are missing, possibly trapped in the code/void... and are musicians, making it more likely that their messages would be communicated in a musical form?

Or, to put it another way: if Noelle isn't the one who plays the piano in her house... who might that have been?

[aquarterasian]

listen I don’t think hibikis dad is a terrible person but telling a child that her performance was bad without explaining that it wasn’t actually bc her playing was bad but bc it didn’t look like she was enjoying it and then never once trying to explain to her for years even though that was the reason she stopped playing like… sir

[titsthedamnseason]

iiiiiiits time 🥲 tonight we are wrapping up metlife weekend!! drop your surprise song guesses in the tags and/or replies and if you’re right you get a shoutout and the rest of us peasants will regard you with awe

my guesses are king of my heart and if this was a movie

[blackjackkent]

"Drab attire, lackluster skin. My darling, you *need* my gems! They'll brighten even a ghoul like yourself."

Hector hates it here.

[mending-up-your-fences]

It’s not possible that every single song on this album gets better with more listens, and yet…

[4fter-hours]

@dozenrozez

[kylermalloy]

When I was in high school I used to perform gospel songs at church with one of my best friends. She sang, and I played accompaniment and sang backup. We were actually really close! Then I went to college and we suddenly weren’t anymore—she’d stopped talking to me so she could date this grown man she liked, who I hated.

So when I came home from college that summer, I stopped singing songs with her and started performing at church on my own. The first one I sang was about how people change for the worst slowly, over time. Anyway that’s MY silver springs

[derpinette]

too many males getting veneers when really they should be investing in hair transplants if anything