#Simon is me

[1000fingers]

Bitches will find a fictional man attractive and then immediately imagine him in situations where he is losing alarming amounts of blood

[sabertoothwalrus]

wait a second wait a second wait a second wait a second wait a s

[stargirlrchive]

simon’s work wife

one — two — three — four

people start calling u simon’s work wife and he takes it literally. starts referring to you as the ‘missus’, your cheeks warming as his heavy hand rest on your hips to pull you into him.

he’s snarling at one of the recruits that stared at you a little too long for his liking, caging you in against his big ass frame. that same recruit later coming to you a stuttering mess, apologizing because he didn’t know you were married.

you aren’t, but you’re too shocked to comment on it.

and when you confront simon he just shrugs his shoulders lazily, staring at you with darkened eyes as he mumbles, “ya’ didn’t deny it.”

it ends with you moving in, you aren’t sure how it started—or if you were even in an actual relationship but everywhere and anywhere you go he’s calling you his wife.

[stevenrogered]

I do not wish to unburden myself to you two, with your perfect marriage.

[aj-lenoire]

i’m really enjoying the olympics this year, there is some quality nonsense going on

for the first time in the modern olympics (possibly ever?) there’s an equal number of women competing to men, and included in that group we have icons like simone biles, kim yeji, imane khelif

and then over with the dudes we’ve got yusuf dikec who took up shooting after he got divorced, turns up in a t-shirt with no ear protection only to shoot near perfect rounds. we’ve got henrik christiansen who is taking tiktok by storm not for his swimming prowess but the fact he is obsessed with the olympic village chocolate muffins. we’ve got stephen nedoroscik, who is trained literally only in pommel horse so he kinda just sits around doing rubik’s cubes while everyone else does their thing (pommel goes last) and then they activate him like a fucking sleeper agent to crush the pommel routine, secure the usa a medal, and also he cannot fucking see the entire time bc he needs glasses

quality, quality nonsense

EDIT: okay so apparently the smoking thing wasn’t true, my bad guys! dikec has been competing in the olympics since 2008 and is ex-military (but his showing up in a t-shirt without any visual aids is still iconic!!)

[dawnddoesart-reborn]

[qiinamii]

we'll do fine.

[heavenbarnes]

not being able to find older bf!simon around the house and while you’re looking for him, you catch something out the window-

nearly all the women in your neighbourhood gathered at the end of your driveway

you come outside to investigate only to find them with their attention glued to the front of your car, it’s not till you walk around the front you find the lower half of simon sticking out from under it

on his back, knees bent, massive boots planted into the concrete, bare arm occasionally stretching out to find another tool

“you alright, si?”

you hear him grunt before he’s calling out to you

“yeah, i’m right sweet’art- sortin’ out that bit thas’ been givin’ y’grief”

breaking your gaze from his massive thighs flexing under his jeans, you scan back over the crowd that’d formed

all of them married, all of them a good ten years older than even he was- you couldn’t really blame them really, you had eyes

you could hear him shuffling out from under the car before he suddenly straightened to full height, wiping greasy hands on the front of his old-white-singlet

he pulled up the bottom of it to swipe his forehead and you think you heard someone gasp

wrapping a firm arm around you, he gives your backside a pat before he kisses the top of your head

“got t’keep y’safe, y’know?”

“thank you, baby- now be polite and say hello to your audience”

oblivious as ever to anything other than you, simon threw a look over his shoulder before he followed you back into the house

“oh, ‘ello ladies”

(someone throws a street barbecue and you force simon to talk to the other men around the burner and multiple husbands request him to start “doing that shit” in the garage with the door shut, please)

[ratective]

i think they would’ve let simon crash for some time after the series finale only to be faced with the devastating consequences of that decision

[tojisun]

imagine travelling for your job and coming home to simon (big and beautiful and mia-for-two-months simon) holding your cat up like one would carry a baby. they’re standing by the balcony door in your living room, watching the people who are walking by.

“uhm,” you begin, shocked and exhausted. “what…”

simon turns just enough to meet your eyes. “m’teaching sasha how to be observant. little girl didn’t even blink when i walked in.”

“you don’t have keys to my place.” you lick at your chapped lips. “you shouldn’t have keys to my place.”

“i know,” he grunts, adjusting his hold on her. sasha just plops her head on his chest again, her tail slowly swaying behind her and her big eyes slow blinking at you.

you give her your own slow blink and you wish you could pick her up from simon’s arms but—and here’s the issue—you still don’t understand why he is here. why is he back?

“did you break into my home?” you finally ask, quiet and anxious.

simon just sniffs, patting sasha’s rear, and looks away. sasha lets out a purr.

“simon—!?”

[time-woods]

morning routines

[mebssann]

"You'd be living in a castle with food and medicine and trained squirrels to tend to your every need."

bonus ver w/o text and extra doodle:

[kyletogaz]

simon wanting you to cum on his cock one more time

cw: penis in vagina sex

“where do you think you’re going?” simon snaps out as he grips your hips to bring you back down on his cock, as you try to run away from the sensation of becoming overstimulated. he’s holding you so damn tight, you’re sure you’ll have bruises later on.

you whine and claw at his chest as you roll your hips. “simon, baby, please!” the delicious drag of his cock in your wet cunt is starting to become too much. you don’t stop though, you’re just as bad as simon is. you just keep rocking your hips as he fucks up into you.

“just give me one more, lovie, please,” simon begs as he flips you onto your back, before pressing his cock back into your dripping hole.

you let out out a soft cry of pleasure with every snap of simon’s hips. nothing pleases your man more than having you cum on his cock as many times as you can.

“i already gave you two, simon,” you whine, sounding a little breathless as you tighten your legs around him. you watch as his blissed out expression morphs into a look that says i really don’t give a fuck.

“don’t care, darling,” simon hisses as he continues to drill into you. he smirks at the wail you let out when he pulls out then slams back in.

“f–fuck!” you choke out, with tears in your eyes, as you hold on for dear life. he’s pounding you into the mattress, pulling sweet noises from that pretty mouth of yours. “you’re such a greedy bastard!”

simon just laughs, sounding mean as hell. he’s fucking you so good, you can’t even be mad at him. the thoughts are slowly leaving your brain anyway. he’s already fucked you stupid twice and he’s aiming for a third time. he doesn’t want to hear anything but your cries as he fucks you into oblivion.

simon coos at you when your tears spill, telling you how beautiful you look with his cock in you. “you gonna be a good girl and cum on my cock again?”

of course you’ll be a good girl. you’re always good for simon when he’s got his cock dragging against your spongy walls.

“yes, i’ll be good. i promise,” you manage to gasp out as simon continues to hit that little bundle of nerves inside your cunt.

“my good fuckin’ girl,” simon croons as he hooks one of your legs over his shoulder and rocks into you.

this new angle and pace that simon’s set has you singing as you dig your nails into his back. he brings his lips to yours and kisses you sloppily, his tongue slipping in your mouth as you gasp. you reach up and grip the back of simon’s head when he nips at your jaw then drags his tongue across your skin to soothe the bite. your grip on his hair tightens when a thrust knocks the air from your lungs. when you finally catch your breath you beg him to do it again and again until you’re a crying and shaking mess. simon’s honey brown eyes are watching you as you fall apart under him. he smiles smugly when you start moaning his name. he’s so fucking proud of himself.

“c’mon, c’mon, give it to me,” you hear him say through gritted teeth as he ruts into you. he’s close and he can tell you’re not far behind by the way you clench and flutter around his cock. “c’mon lovie, you promised to be a good girl.”

and then simon’s fingers find your clit and all you can do is wail as he strokes at your sensitive bud. the feeling of his cock slamming in and out of your cunt and him toying with your clit sends you tumbling over the edge. simon fucks you right through your orgasm, and all you can do is whimper, until he’s moaning and his hips are stuttering as he paints the walls of your cunt white with his cum.

-

a/n: this is my first time writing smut y’all 🫠

[swordsandholly]

Thinking about a mechanic!AU where the 141 boys run a garage and need a new receptionist. They hire you because you’re just so cute (great tits) and have a decent resume but it becomes a slight problem when they realize you’re a bit… dense.

Total ditz to be precise.

But they can’t really get mad when you get the keys for clients mixed up and look at them with those big eyes all teary and a little pout pushing out your lower lip.

Price is the most patient, perfectly content to walk you through how to file paperwork and fill out forms. Instructing you in a low voice while his breath brushes the shell of your ear. It’s really their fault for having such a terrible system, you know? Don’t worry about it too much, dove. He’ll settle his big hands on your shoulders and gently trace up and down your arms. See? You’re getting it. Just needed some more practice, hm?

Johnny is more than happy to show you around the garage, rattling off everything he knows about all those nitty gritty details that go right over your pretty little head. He’ll pop open the hood of some sports car and point to the engine to show it off. No, bonnie, you’ve got tae get in close. Closer.

Until you’re bent entirely over in one of those too-short skirts you wear everyday. It takes all his willpower not to yank you into the supply closet.

Gaz is just so sweet to you. Always bringing you little treats and candies to suck on. To help you concentrate, of course. Always greeting you with a soft ‘baby girl’ at the beginning of your shift. Whenever you’re standing around be it at the printer or counter - wherever really - he’ll slip a hand on your waist. It always trails a little lower, his pinky just edging on the hem of your too tight jeans.

Ghost gets frustrated with you to the point of causing tears to well up in the corners of your eyes. He’s feels guilty, sure, but bloody hell just print the damn receipt. He avoids you for the most part. Until one evening when it’s pouring down. You forgot your rain coat of course, silly girl. He offers you a ride which you take happily.

After that he can’t get rid of you. You bring him coffees (how you remember his order word for word but not where you last left your own cup is beyond him) and giggle at his jokes. When a client gets too snappy or too loud he’s the first to step in - standing behind you glaring at them with his huge arms crossed over his chest until they back down.

[captainfern]

boyfriend’s best friend simon

(18+ smut, fem!reader, infidelity but your boyfriends a cunt if that makes you feel better)

—•—

you don’t know how this happened. you don’t know when this happened. all you know is that it is happening, and you really don’t want it to stop.

simon’s everything that your boyfriend isn’t. has everything that he lacks. communication, understanding, selflessness; commonsense, emotional intelligence, a big cock,

the list goes on, frankly.

but here you are, your bedroom sweltering around you, swimming beneath distorted waves in your vision. convection currents radiating from your conjoined bodies.

simon’s hands were large and calloused on the soft fat of your hips, fingers toying with the taut lines of stretch marks passing onto the thick of your upper thighs. his hands gripped and pulled and moved you against him, slamming you up and down, grinding you against him.

he was leaned up against the headboard of your bed, head cocked back with dark, hungry eyes glued to your body and a coy smirk plastered across his face. the way he looked at you, gazed you, admired you as if you were some kind of prize, had your stomach in knots.

maybe you were a prize. after all, he was balls-deep in his best friend’s girl, and he didn’t have a care in the world. didn’t have a care in the world that his cock had chubbed instantly when she opened the door to let him in an hour ago.

you panted above him, thighs burning, shins pressed into the warm sheets of your bed. you were hesitant to be on top, to perch your body weight across his pelvis. your boyfriend never assured you it’d be okay, just agreed with you and fucked you flat on the mattress. simon was different.

“what? think i can’t handle myself a girl like you, eh?” simon had uttered, looking you up and down. a prize. he was also knuckle-deep in your pussy by this stage, two fingers scissoring you open. “oh, sweet girl, you have no idea.”

and now you were here. straddling simon riley, the formidable ghost that you’d seen only occasionally with your boyfriend. a recluse of a man, a mountain of a man. was always kind, always respectful.

an army dog, a government mutt. always so obedient, and so polite. well-trained and well-mannered. clearly, until he had a pretty bird like you stretched across his lap. a prize.

“yeah, ride this fuckin’ cock, baby,” simon grunted, helping you fuck yourself down onto his cock. his thick, fat cock— a cock that hit you so deep, stretched you so wide, that the joke of ‘is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?’ had died on your tongue because, holy fuck,

he could use it. he knew what he was doing. you should have guessed it with the way he spat on your cunt ten minutes into you letting him into your flat; the way he licked the glob of spit from your wet folds and fucked it into you, tongue warm and searching. you also should have guessed when he rubbed at your clit with his thumb while stretching you open on his fingers; the way he moved them at just the right pace to make you come twice in a row. now:

“s’all yours, baby. s’all yours,” he uttered, pushing his hips upwards to meet your downwards movements.

your tits bounced with each of his thrusts, the mattress creaking beneath you. the sheets were bunching, the heat in the room thick and molten. liquid, drowning you.

you gasped, air in your lungs. you were not drowning, just fucking delirious with the way his cockhead knocked up towards the plug of your cervix.

panting, you clutched at his shoulders. broad and muscular. you could feel the difference in texture where skin ended and scar began. a few times, your fingers wandered upwards, and you drew the tips through his hair. once cropped, now grown out. scruffy, rugged,

handsome. sweat beaded on his forehead, turning the lighter strands dark, sticking to his skin. between the filth he spewed from his mouth, you could hear him grunting and moaning. you wished he’d moan louder. maybe once he stopped talking it’d be different. but you weren’t sure how soon that would be.

“fuckin’— look at the fuckin’ state of you. such a pretty girl. such a pretty— fuckin’— girl,” simon groaned, thrusting up into you. the force made you hiccup around a long moan. simon smiled, triumphant. “look like a dream takin’ all o’ my cock, sweetheart. perfect little pussy letting me stretch her open, huh?”

“simon,” you moaned, and that wasn’t the first time you’d said his name tonight. but he acted as though it was.

a dog with a bone, simon flashed a wicked grin, canines showing, and redoubled his efforts in pushing his cock in and out of you, rutting against your body.

“yeah, baby, i’m here. your simon’s righttttt here,” he said, grinning, as he took one of his large hands and placed it over the mound of your belly, pressing gently and squeezing you there. he couldn’t actually feel his cock inside you, but the added sensation knocked an airy moan from your chest, your eyes rolling. simon hummed, pleased as he fucked you. “‘m reaching so far, aren’t i? so deep. bet your lad couldn’t reach up here, could he?”

you whimpered, and you wanted to whimper a ‘noooo’ but it died in transit. instead, you whimpered, like a wounded dog, as his cock hit that perfect spot inside you. it made you want to scream.

you continued to bounce against him, his thighs pressed close to yours. he fondled you, squeezed your hips while you both worked each other towards release.

“simon,” you pleaded, breathless. “oh, fuck—”

simon wanted so badly to beam with pride. but he resisted, cocking his head and watching the way your greedy cunt sucked his cock in with wet squelches at each upward thrust.

“you feeling good, sweet girl?” he asked, tone warm and honey-sweet. well-trained. then, “this cock making you feel good? he followed with an obvious lilt. mutt.

you replied with a yes, that trailed off into a high-pitched moan when simon’s thumb found your swollen clit, rubbing against it and beginning to draw small, tight circles.

“thaaat’s it, baby. sing for me.”

“siiimon,” you mewled, body tiring but stomach growing tight. bubbling hot, molten like the atmosphere of your bedroom. the knot in the base pulling tighter and tighter with each nudge of his cock against your g-spot.

your cunt was soaked around him, dripping out onto his pelvis and onto your bedsheets. making a mess.

tight, velveteen walls clutched at his cock as your climax built. gripping tight, holding him against you, keeping him with you. wet and warm and the closest to heaven a non-religious man like simon’ll ever come close to.

“beautiful,” he suddenly whispered, eyes on your face now. “beautiful girl.”

well-trained. damn, your boyfriend wasn’t even close to being this well-trained. he was more used to chewing you up like a toy, and heading off to do god knows what once he’d finished. once he’d satisfied himself.

you weren’t a toy for simon. just a prize. much different than a toy, for your information.

a toy is something you play with. a prize is something treasure. savour. and with the way simon revelled at the silky feel of your pussy against his bare cock, he intended to savour you forever.

“you wanna come?” he asked softly, but you knew the soft tone wasn’t going to last. not with the way his eyes glinted, his soft abs flexed, and his mouth curved at the corners. “can feel this pussy startin’ to make a fuss. so desperate for it, isn’t she?”

personifying your pussy. a new one, but one you weren’t entirely afraid of.

so you answered. “yes. simon, please—“

simon quickened his pace, thrusting deeper. your flesh rippled, thighs and stomach and tits moving with the sheer force of his movements. he grunted and panted, eyes drooping, fingers tight in your hips, chasing his own high too. he still had a hard-working finger drawing sharp shapes across your puffy clit.

“go on then. come all over my cock, sweet girl. show me what i’ve been missing out on.”

the tension in your body grew and grew, sweat accumulating across your skin. shiny, dewy, completely ethereal, you hurtled towards release with wind in your sails. sweating, hot, on the brink of overstimulation, you let your mind go fuzzy. you had a heartbeat in your clit. you could feel the stickiness of your inner-thighs. you could hear simon,

“come for me, baby.”

the coil snapped as if on cue. maybe you were the well-trained dog in need of a new collar.

your release rocked you off balance, and you slumped forward, ready for simon to catch you. he did, of course, leaning you against his chest as your body shook, twitched, jerked with the force of your orgasm. it travelled through you like electric shocks. an electrical current that fizzled out after a few long seconds, and left you boneless against simon’s chest.

he was close behind you, his balls drawing tight, tip leaking inside you, flared head now ruddy and red.

he moaned. “god, baby. feel so good around me.” a speechless moment, filled only with pants and— moans. simon moaned loudly, eyes snapping shut as his orgasm quivered inside him. bees trapped in a glass jar.

“just needed a proper cock to split you open,” he said suddenly, voice deep and rich. “pretty girl like you needs a big cock to keep her happy.”

rutting, in and out. desperate mutt. canines flashing, grip tightening, moans increasing. military stamina you hoped wouldn’t last all night. a working dog, too, this man. god, what a man. not perfect (you wouldn’t want him to be), but pretty fuckin’ close right about now.

“simon,” you whined, desperate.

he groaned deeply. “oh yeah, fuck, that’s it, baby. say my name— yeah, say my name when i come inside you.”

“simon…”

“that’s it, baby. that’s it. fuck, m’so close. m’so close, baby, keep going.”

“simon, please—!”

“mhm, thaaat’s it, fuck,” simon moaned, then shoved his cock as far in as it’d go (making you gasp and choke on a loud moan) and then came inside you.

you felt the heat. more heat, more liquid fire. molten. lava. you were drowning again.

he filled you, cum painting your insides as he moaned out your name, whining as his head flopped backwards, his large hands keeping you firmly in place.

then, everything stilled. your heartbeat clanged loudly in your ears, heavy in your rib cage. your puffy clit beat in tandem with it, and your hole fluttered around his cock, now still and plugging his release inside you.

for the briefest moment, as you lay against simon’s chest in the warm, sex-laden air of your bedroom, you thought of your boyfriend. the man you should’ve been doing all of this with.

but the thought was merely a linger. it flitted away, brushed aside by simon’s lips, that came to rest against your tacky forehead. he peppered a few kisses there, rubbing your hips, arse and back soothingly as you fizzled down.

“pretty girl…” simon whispered softly, hugging you to him. “my pretty girl.”

his prize.

he always thought his mate was a bit of a prick, anyway.

[legowizard]

Whatever gets me back to you