#Someone SENT ME A BUNCH OF THESE UNIRONICALLY

[ninadove]

Some of you need to take a Chill Pill™ before you die of Gabriel Syndrome

UPDATE: We’re getting dangerously close to covering the whole board

[thenotebookwizard]

She-Ra | A Fanboy's Tale

The odd story of how I ended up in the She-Ra fandom. Because I would have put money down on that not ever having happened, but here I am.

So, to frame this story - a few things you should know about me.

My (main) job is Professional Adult™ - which is to say, I teach life skills to folk with neurodivergence, physical disability, and mental illness. I love my job. It lets me be a disability advocate. It lets me work with amazing people. It lets me discover, explore, and understand the world a little better every day. It lets me teach things I am very good at and learn things I am not. And it forces me to examine myself a lot.

I don't watch much TV. Or many movies. Anxiety about things. Lack of time. Lack of interest. Even fewer things I watch are cartoons. There are some older cartoons I love, but I don't really watch many cartoons. Not because they're bad or aren't entertaining or I have a prejudice against the form. Just - usually - I'm not exposed to ones I like.

Or they hit on the thing that makes me really wary of TV shows and movies these days. Which is - I love unironically heroic characters. I am so tired of the gray-area, morally compromised characters. I am tired of gritty, the bad guys win, the good guys have to be bad guys to win, the antiheroes, the Walter Whites (I loathe that show. And that character. It's awful.) Game of Thrones and ASOIAF. (Terrible people. Doing terrible things. For terrible reasons.)

I have worked with some families for more than a decade. Close to two decades, in some cases. Parents who needed to learn things to teach their kids. Kids with neurodivergence who needed someone to be able to fight for them at school when the parents didn't know the right code words and the laws. Siblings and niblings and adopted clans have all asked for my help over the years.

One such family has three kids, two parents and a bunch of adopted aunts/uncles. They are amazing people. Supportive. Accepting. Creative. They work hard, play hard, and find joy in ways I never have been able to.

The oldest kid loved Stephen Universe. They wrote fic. Drew fanart.

The oldest kid is autistic. Some social rules - are hard for them. Understanding the vagaries of fandom culture was just as hard. We never did find out what they did wrong (maybe it was their gemsona. Maybe it was a fic pairing. Maybe it was a youtube ramble. We really don't know.) But they did or said something that got a faction of the SU fandom riled up at them.

This is not an indictment of that fandom. I've been in fandom long enough to know that you can't blame all for a few. These few did some real damage, though. Threats. Mockery. Told my student to kill themselves. Slurs. Online stalking. Doxxing. Threatening phone calls. Threatening letters. Glitter bombs. False allegations called into their school. To police. Their home was vandalized. Their cars were vandalized to the point they were totaled.

They had to move. Both parents had to get new jobs. My student did not graduate from their high school. They were home schooled. They did not go to college. They did not get a job. They went into residential treatment for a year and some change. They have not yet recovered.

So when the youngest kid found She-Ra and the Princesses of Power a year or two ago and dove in with a powerful hyperfixation, their mother called me up in a blind panic. She could not go through it again.

She paid me to watch the show. To explore the fandom. To read the fic. To do what I do as a fandom person online.

So I did. To be fair, I was pretty much coasting along at that point. Coming out of a breakup, a health crisis, and COVID. No real new fandoms in years. Poking at a fic here and there. Not active on tumblr anymore. One or two servers. But my skills were there - I knew how to find fandoms. Servers. Fics.

The youngest was thrilled to find out their Mom wasn't going to take their hyperfixation away. They sent me a list of fics to read. Notes on the show. Youtube videos to watch. Articles to read. Blogs to read. Posts to read. Fanart to admire.

I watched the show - and my old fandom heart woke up a bit. The show had great villains. Great characters. An unironically heroic protagonist. A love story. At least, I thought it was a love story. By the time I was through season three, I figured that there was no way they were actually going to go through with Catradora. It was based on popular media properties from my childhood.

(Full disclosure: I loved She-Ra as a kid, more than He-Man. Mostly, because I saw her show first and Skeletor creeped me out. But I loved both and watched both. I love the Dolph Lundgren live action movie and I used to read the He-man and She-Ra comics. So I wasn't uninterested in my new work assignment.)

Then season four hit, and i was devastated. Glimmer had gone the 'dark hero' route. Adora was a sad, lonely mess. And the writers had taken Catra and, in the coldest, most brutal, purposeful, deliberate way taken her apart. Taken everything away from her. When they'd already given her so little. She always lost. Not just the battle or the war, but - herself. Her confidence.

By the time I started season five, I realized Catradora could never happen, because the things the writers would have to do to fix it, redeem them all and not leave me with the normal pyrrhic victory TV shows give these days wouldn't happen. No writers were that brave. No one breaks the cycle that way and gets away with it.

I was wrong.

Glimmer was saved by Catra, who apologized. Who sacrificed herself doing the right thing. Glimmer apologized. Glimmer owned her shit.

You have no idea how important that arc is to me. They took a character who had morally compromised themselves and had that character say: I was wrong. I messed up. I'm sorry.

And mean it. She didn't do it again. She didn't go back to her old ways. She stood her damn ground and stayed a hero. Hells yeah.

Adora - the titular hero of the show, without her magic, without her sword, said: Fuck it. We ball. And she walked right up to the big bad guy with more courage and heart than anyone since Luke Skywalker staring down Palpatine and said: Give me my friend back.

She rescued her arch-enemy. No one would have blamed her for leaving Catra behind with Prime. Catra was the enemy. Catra had broken the universe to get Adora back. Catra had tried to kill Adora and her friends over and over again. Catra had saved Adora as often as she'd tried to hurt her.

She stood before the Emperor of the Known Universe and defied him. She jumped off a cliff after Catra, and then when she stood back up, she had her sword. She had her power. And she kicked ass.

(Best episode. Season 5. Episode 5. Save the Cat.)

Then the writers doubled down and had them save the universe with love - through a kiss. Not only did all of that fit the old show, it was what I have wanted from a show for a long time. Unironic, unabashed, unashamed radical belief that doing the right thing and being a good person matter.

That you don't have to compromise yourself to beat the bad guys. It's when you accept yourself, you deal in radical acceptance, radical forgiveness, and the idea that people can change, grow, get better, become more -

Then you can save the world.

So, of course, I dove into the fic. And I found out where all the fic I'd been craving for ten years had gone. It was in the She-Ra fandom. Epics. One-shots. Love stories. AUs. All of it was right there, and more and more was being posted.

I read the fics my student sent. I joined servers. I read through tropes. Blogs. Posts. Articles. I even made myself watch videos.

And when I went back to that Mom, I told her the truth: there's controversy there, but here always is. There's a fight between ships. There's a lot of pain. A lot of hurt. Because this show touched on some big things - everything from growing up queer to growing up during war and disaster. It gave voices to a lot of things most shows and media won't touch or even look at.

But it's also a fandom full of beautiful people. People finding themselves, people expressing themselves, and people using story to redefine the world just a little bit at a time.

Which is what fandom has always done. When you scrape away the layers of hyperfixation and obsession and naked want for more of what the media gave us, you find people who believe, very strongly, in something the show expressed.

Just like Star Trek, so long ago. (And, not so long ago. I love you, Star Trek Discovery!)

So, I guess with that, discovering the She-Ra fandom turned me into a Professional Fanboy, because I got paid to do what I should have already done.

[canary0]

May 9 - Dracula 2023

Discord Exchange Between Miss Mina Murray and Miss Lucy Westenra

Mina: Hello there! I’m sorry I haven’t sent a message in so long. Work got hectic for a little while.

Lucy: I’m not surprised, Miss Deputy Head Teacher! :) However are you?

Mina: Missing you! I wish we could be out by the sea right now, talking about our hopes and dreams.

Lucy: Talk like that and I’ll come down there, sweep in, and carry you off to Whitby! Not that you won’t be here pretty soon anyway, but it’s the principal of it.

Mina: Oh no, anything but that! XD I’ve been trying to expand my skills lately, too. I’ve been practicing html and learning more about photography.

Lucy: Oh, have you been helping him with that part of the blog? I had a chance to glance over it the other day – the pictures he posted from Hungary and Romania are so pretty!

Mina: Exactly! It must be so nice to be able to travel and see them in person… I hope we’ll have a chance to go together eventually. I was thinking of doing my own entries when I come up to visit. Do a bit of a Whitby travelogue that I could add to whenever it seems like fun or something interesting happens. It would be nice if we could each see the interesting things going on in our lives when we have to be away from one another.

Lucy: Aww <3

Mina: It could be a practice thing, too – observing, interviewing, transliterating conversations like a journalist. I heard you can learn to remember almost everything you hear in a day. I feel like I’m just sending you a wall of text now, though – I’ll tell you all about it when I visit.

Lucy: No problem! I love hearing what’s going on – and I did ask more about it. Lay it on me!

Mina: You’re too sweet <3

Lucy: You think I’m sweet now, you’re gonna get so many cavities. Jonathan when he gets back, too. It’s been too long since I’ve seen him!

Mina: Well, he should be heading back in a week according to the last email he sent, so you’ll have your chance.

Lucy: I can’t wait! Oh, I have to go. I have someone I need to go see, too!

Mina: !!! So the rumor is true? I heard about you and a tall, handsome, curly-haired man! Come back here this instant and tell me more!

Lucy: Nope nope gotta go! You’ll just have to wait.

Mina: Bah. The 10am bell just rang anyway, so I have to go too. ttyl

(A/N: This one is real different y'all. I tried not to totally screw it up.

Adorable nerds feel like the type who would use XD unironically in casual IM conversation. I might just think that because I do.

Getting across the same ideas in a MUCH more casual form of communication is interesting, while also having to make it look like Mina’s not just rambling over Lucy… Without taking away from Lucy’s later entries. @_@

Also-also, after a whole bunch of research on what a deputy head teacher does in the UK these days, you can consider everyone aged up about 4 years from where most people consider canon to be.

Also-also-also Mina’s not looking at dropping her job, but work-life balance is way more emphasized now than it was, so they’re sharing interests and hobbies and supporting each other that way instead.

I knew with Mina things would get much more complicated because of how VASTLY different things are for women now, so… I did my best. We’re going to “roughly correct vibes” at this point. XD;

this chapter was way harder than usual and i was already very tried from waking up to do a 2.5 hour car trip at 5am. I tried. I apologize if it is bad.)

[milfbro]

what are your thoughts on poor things?

i sent previous ask. just saw the post nvm!

asdfghjkl I'm gonna answer anyway

I really liked it! I have a lot of thoughts about it swirling around my head

I went into the tag looking for gifs and found 2 critical posts, one of them I thought was just shallow but one was someone who read the book and had an interesting perspective. But as someone who read up a bit on the book and didn't get any interest in it at all, I'm not taking this post into consideration

and one thing you should know about me is that I love Barbarella. I really really love it. I find the idea of a woman in a crazy setting suddenly awaking to her capacity for sexual pleasure and going on like a spree exploring that really fun

(similarly to Querelle where you have a man exploring the possibilities of a bunch of gay sex and murder and a little incest until he understands what it's truly like to love a man, and Poor Things directly references Querelle soooooo much)

But in the case of Barbarella obviously it was crafted not for you to feel empathy toward her, but to just kinda watch Jane Fonda stumble around in slutty outfits and trip on herself and have things happen to her and at her but mostly not have a lot of agency

Meanwhile Poor Things is very similar to Barbarella but you are constantly invited to be in her head, and she is confident and assertive in deciding to explore her feelings. She wants to experience the fullness of the world, she wants to know pleasure and pain and depression and joy and philosophise and discuss art and experiment on animals for her own sadistic fun and obviously everything is this heightened creepy looking fantasy and yes it's all tied to sex and I love sex. Sex is the driving force of this narrative and thank god because I was getting very tired of watching so many movies where everyone is pretty and no one is horny like stock photos

something else I thought about was the obvious Frankenstein similarity, but instead of following the story from the POV of the creator who sucks we see the creature managing to come into her own and experience life on purpose and her relatioship with the creator barely matters.

(It's also beautiful and the script is really good. Sometimes movies with great themes that look pretty will just be boring and miss the mark -neon demon- but this one didn't, it was good) (at the end of the day it's not really about any of that. I like movies that I like. The Velocipastor has none of those things and yet it's an unironically great movie. So. Rationalize all I want I really liked it and I want to watch again. And this movie made a great case for the fuckability of Mark Ruffalo, a man I had never in my life thought of in a sexual way whatsoever. He was as sexual as gray paint)

[jaythelay]

Remember when a bunch of people pretended to care about suicide a while ago and pressured websites into making services that enable you to send "kys" to anybody regardless of if they're blocked or not?

Yeah they never made those systems for suicidal people and it shows on every website in some manner the callous lack of effort but pure giddiness to censor their platforms further. Because boy howdy if ya'll didn't give them the excuse to make actually every platform worse and harder to communicate real shit on.

This is why you don't virtue signal companies, they'll do the bare minimum and use it as an excuse to fuck consumers over.

Also why if you "care" about something you actually learn about it instead of following a trend you've all long since moved on from that actively caused more harm. Seriously disgusting behavior how obvious it was everyone was gonna move on. Pretty sure I called just about everything that happened aswell. Once the internet gets an idea man, they run with it until something breaks.

Ya'll didn't care, ya had a chance for extra points on your posts, now YT censors the word suicide and obscures any heavy topic discussions, thus shrinking the pool of help immensely, on top of your reddit account constantly being sent "kys" by users and our inability to discuss any topic freely on most platforms, we sure did show...someone... that we can feign interest for a month or two.

Congrats. Ya made everything worse for everyone in your attempt to come off as moral. Instead we just see yet another grifter who can't be bothered to learn, but to instead take drastic actions that make them feel cool at the expense of anyone in need.

Anyways I lose respect on a human level if I see someone unironically censor themselves. Trust me suicidal people have a dark mind and mentioning a word ain't sending anyone. We aren't infants, we just live in late stage capitalism. Fighting that would've actually helped and is reasonable.

Censoring resources and words human adult being actually use? Yeah that made it worse actually. Suicidal people ain't capable of living in a blissful ignorance like someone who's not depressed, they're very aware and seeing the last bastion of human interaction get mangled by pretend do-gooders made everything worse.

Could've...you know, sent a message to a friend or sent a gift to someone. Idunno alot of avenues to take that wasn't "Give Reddit a "KYS" email option" and then bail entirely. Goes to show, the blissfully ignorant will make the lives of the informed worse.

[i-am-literally-deranged]

hey what the actual HELL happened to you in school??

Oh so much! You know how Tragedy + Time= comedy and all that? I have come to consider the whole situation to be kind of hilarious. Although like, trigger warning ahead for just like a WHOLE BUNCH of stuff

So here's my school stories! Lore!! Secret backstory!!

It starts off with my mom refusing to tell the school that I'm autistic because she didn't want me to "be treated differently." Which went about as well as one would expect, having zero supports and such. Teachers had no explanations for my behaviors other than that I was a "bad kid" and my "bad kid" reputation got me expelled from every school I ever went to. Their confusion over the situation is retroactively half funny, half embarrassing for them because I was real OBVIOUS about it.

So, either because being known as "The bad one" makes one a very easy scapegoat for any time something goes wrong, or because after a certain point I really just did not care to try anymore, I got expelled a lot. If someone got into a fight with me, it was instantly assumed that I started the fight because I had a long and storied history of getting into trouble and the other kids didn't. So it was kind of a guilty until proven innocent thing for me my whole life. That, paired with just plain old bad luck made my entire school experience pretty awful.

Second grade, got expelled for being generally disruptive and causing too many problems for the other kids. (Read: being visibly autistic with no supports)

Third grade we move to a different school, and I had a teacher SO LEGENDARILY BAD that my mom and several other parents from our class tried to sue her for it. She was this ex nun who believed really heavily in corporal punishment, but corporal punishment wasn't allowed in this school so instead she just got really really creative about it. Doing things that weren't /technically/ corporal punishment but would also hurt. The one I'm still mad about is that when a kid got into big trouble, she would do this prison justice thing where she would publicly exempt them from all school work in front of the class, and then go on this speech about how every other kid there was a worthless failure and their only chance at redemption would be to take their worth back by force. So that the other kids would all HATE that guy. Usually it led to playground fights, and universally she would turn a blind eye to it, until that kid fought back at which point they would immediately be sent to the principal. Other highlights of this are when I got tied to a pole outside by another kid and she left me there for the rest of the day (it rained) and her habit of punishing lactose intolerant kids by making them drink milk until they got sick. She usually wouldn't let them leave the classroom afterwards and more than once somebody shit themselves in class and she told them sitting in it was their punishment. I will remind you for context that third graders are ages 8-9. So. Pure evil. Unironically I hope she died painfully. I hate that woman more than pretty much anyone, ever. Although it IS funny that I have an honest to god tragic backstory and nemesis! Attempting to take her to court over this fell through, and she continued to teach after I left. Idk what happened to her since we moved away.

Funny enough, I didn't actually get expelled that year. Although from the fights she instigated getting out of hand, I did wind up in juvenile hall for a couple months.

So Fourth grade at that same school, and obviously I have completely lost all faith 100% in the school system by now. This is when the truant officer showed up because I was just straight up not going to school anymore. I had started skipping and hiding out in weird places to avoid having to go to class the year before, and now it's a habit. So my mom gets tried for my truancy, I start going to school again for her sake after missing a Huge chunk of the year. I was bored, I had no reason to try since I was already presumed guilty whether I did anything or not, and ai didn't want to be there. So obviously I caused problems on purpose. I got expelled after getting caught altering the grade book (which I had been getting away with for months btw) my mom actually wasn't mad about that one. Her words were "If they didn't catch you for that long, it's kind of on them. Feels pointless to expell you at this point" since it was within the like, final four weeks of the school year that they caught me.

I'd been banned from the two public schools in the area by this point, so out options were kinda private school or move away. So for fifth grade I went to Catholic school! I only lasted like two months before I got expelled for distributing banned books. (I had Strong Opinions about censorship being wrong, so I went down to the bookstore and will all my saved up birthday money bought a bunch of copies of books banned by the school and started to secretly distribute them. Eventually someone ratted on me)

Sixth grade, we try a DIFFERENT private school. This one is kinda weird, out of the way. It's run by three guys out of a series of trailers. One of those three guys was this southern baptist fundamentalist preacher guy who was my fucking arch nemesis while I was there. I wasn't afraid to publicly fight this guy. He was also just generally an asshole. He like, didn't believe in medicine because illness was God's will and to resist that was sinful, or whatever. Some real whack ass shit. He also made a point of serving common allergens (like peanuts and wheat) to "Weed out the sinners" as someone with a peanut allergy his class sent me to the hospital THREE TIMES. I also only lasted like three months in this school because it sucked. The three teachers were amoral assholes, and I was really heavily alienated from the other students for being 1) New in town 2) Non religious (last year's school experience made sure of that) 3) Weird 4) Visibly queer so I was getting bullied a lot. So for context, this was going in in a town with less than 10,000 people in it, deep in southern Mississippi. So little redneck kids bringing their bigass hunting knives to school is a surprisingly common occurrence. One of the kids who didn't like me brought a knife like that to school one day, and I don't exactly remember how it all went down too vividly, but we got into a fight out behind the school, and I wound up stabbing him with his own knife. That was my last expulsion and after that I just straight up quit. School never did a single good thing for me, so I just. Wasn't going back.

It was a good thing too, because that super small school with the trailers? It was revealed like two or three years ago that it was owner and operated by CHILD PREDATORS who established the school to scope out targets. Dodged a bullet with that one.

I actually don't have a highschool degree. I 36'd the ACT though, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Colleges didn't care so why should I?

I'm pretty much motivated 100% by spite now, so I'm getting my teaching license to go Do It RIGHT!! Because the folks teaching when I was a kid had no fucking clue what they were doing. So that's like. What's up with me. 4 expulsions in six years. Abysmally bad luck combined with a soup of ableism and many a close brush with the school to prison pipeline. So I decided that the system was fucked and the only righteous course of action would be to go in and do it right myself. I'm halfway through my certification right now. No one hates the American school system more than I do. I've never known anyone else who was as much of a "Bad kid" as I was, and it's a perspective that I don't see a lot of understanding for either. I like fully thought that I was the devil until I was like 16 or so and suddenly gained enough frontal lobe to be able to look at the situation critically and go "W A I T A M I N U T E" >:V

But I DO find a lot of comedy in the very real image of like.... A grizzled and world weary nine year old that has been in more brawls than you can count and has been to fucking jail. But as soon as this kid speaks it's just a several hour long recitation of the entirety of Jacques Custeau: The Ocean World. Little seven year old committing straight up felonies when forced to be in public, but the minute you leave them unattended they are just peacefully farming tomatoes.

Also another fun fact, through the small town rumor mill there is now an urban legend about a knife murder happening in one of the local schools and now they're all supposedly haunted that was almost DEFINITELY about me since it first sprung up shortly after the incident. So I can now cross "Be an Urban Legend" off of the bucket list

Honestly as like, awful as some of it was, WAY too much played out like some kind of fun fictional adventure. Like I was literally plotting to get an evil teacher fired and collecting evidence, and I had a little notebook where I was recording everything she did with times and dates on it. Roald Dahl type shit right there. I GUESSED THE GRADEBOOK PASSWORD and then went in and ALTERED MY GRADES and did this like a secret mission for MONTHS and then when I got caught I didn't even get punished because my mom thought what I did was cool. This kind of stuff never happens in real life but here I am. Local urban legend, knife fight winning extrordinaire. So I don't think it's too bad. At least it's not boring!

[dinosaurtsukki]

haikyuu!! characters as university professors

i have a million things to write and wanted to squeeze in some short hc’s for y’all to enjoy while i finish a fic. hope you enjoy!!

Hinata: the one that you mistook for a fellow student and it was only after he was one hour into his lecture that you realized he's actually a professor and not some prankster

Kageyama: he specifically bought a boring-ass mug to put milk in but he'll slowly sip from it to make it seem like he's drinking coffee

Tsukishima: the kind who assigns twenty pages of readings on the first day but will stab you if you make him read three pages

Yamaguchi: is more scared of you than you are of him, also uses gold star stickers to mark papers with high grades

Daichi: he teaches way too many classes than he can handle and once fell asleep mid-lecture just holding his marker and leaning back against the wall 

Asahi: he gives out evaluation forms for his class more regularly than quizzes (at least twice a month) and always answers his emails with a smiley face

Sugawara:  runs the ‘underground free textbook pdfs’ trade with the students while being on the ‘committee for hunting down the textbook pirates’ with the college admins (think hannibal lecter but textbook pdf’s)

Ennoshita: will require a book that he wrote himself as the assigned reading for the class (the university hasn't given him the money for his research grant yet)

Tanaka: the 'hip, young' professor who forces you to call him by his first name and invites you to his parties but is the first one to get drunk

Nishinoya: wears a cape that says 'PROFESSOR NOYA' on it so that people would take him seriously. also wears fake glasses

Ushijima: he lotions his hands A LOT. before class he just pulls out a huge ass bottle of Aveeno and squirts out three pumps in his hands. always drops things because of this

Tendou: doesn't mind casually setting fire to things. 'the university pays for inice facilities but they give me my paycheck late. i have the right to do this.'

Shirabu: has a bulletin board full of pictures of his students and whenever someone drops out, he crosses out their picture with a red X

Semi: known for using shutterstock images in his slides unironically also goes absolutely crazy with the word art and slide animations

Goshiki: he eats breakfast before class but once he accidentally spilled ketchup on his pants and had to lecture sitting down until he forgot and stood up and now he’s Professor Ketchup 

Oikawa: maybe it's the way he almost chokes up while explaining vectors or how he accidentally sent a text saying 'please don't leave me' instead of an email but he's going through A Lot 

Iwaizumi: tries to be the cool prof and wrote and recorded a rap song based on Macbeth to prove that shakespeare is actually the greatest rap artist

Hanamaki: he didn't come to class until two weeks later when he found out he was actually teaching another professor's class down the hall

Matsukawa: he uses memes in all of his lecture slides so you think its cool to send him one in an email submission but he just goes 'saw that already' 

Terushima: either sends an email 2 minutes before class starts about canceling because he had a hangover or just shows up thirty minutes late, sometimes in pajamas

Futakuchi: when you visited his office for a consultation you found him in his pajamas, eating a sandwich, and drying his socks with a blow-dryer

Kuroo: always super well-dressed and polished except you soon realize that he wears the same white, button-up because of the mustard stain near his sleeve

Kenma: the chill and laid-back prof who lets you do your readings in class. you assume he’s busy grading papers on his laptop but he’s actually playing Minecraft

Yaku: replies to all of your emails requesting for a deadline extension or consultation with 'no ❤ i don’t want to ❤ ' 

Lev: still uses the email he created back in middle school - TigerSlayer_xXxxXX@hotmail.com

Bokuto: tries to be like that teacher from ‘Dead Poets Society’. he ordered everyone to tear out the first page of their textbook on the first day to reject authority only to realize that the textbooks were university property

Akaashi: during one of your lectures he just brought out a bottle of vodka and drank from it then proceeded to tell the class that he’ll let anyone have a sip if they promise not to tell

Atsumu: sent an email to the class saying ‘can’t come to class because the naruto manga ended and naruto’s a parent with a son named burrito and i just can’t deal right now’

Osamu: he was projecting a video for the class to watch from his laptop but didn’t realize that he had a million tabs for Kitchen Nightmares episodes on youtube open (also he uses internet explorer)

Suna: gives a bunch of weird, un-related bonus questions on the exam like ‘what’s my hair color?’ or ‘how many times is ‘jingle bells’ mentioned in the song ‘jingle bells?’ 

Kita: famous for his ‘outdoor classes’ where makes everyone sit in a circle on the grass outside and even brings sandwiches for everyone 

Sakusa: once returned your test paper with a note that said ‘i was too lazy to grade everyone’s papers because i had to grade other papers so here’s a free perfect score’

[sessrinfvcked]

There’s someone somewhere under me in this tag that was talking about opinions and "responsible shipping", being called an anti, whatever. I wanted to reply but I thought I might as well make a separate post and rant to my heart's content.

So re: being called an anti for ‘facts or opinions’ (which are severely different things mind you, not sure what lumping those together was supposed to do)... ok, you’re fine with Sessrin only when Rin is a consenting adult (which she is in canon anyway so I’m also not sure where the issue is)... ok... that’s what everyone ships anyway, and it’s also your prerogative, but from there on out acting like IF people ship it in any other way THAN, then they’re not responsible or "perverts and sick minded people”... what you’re saying THERE is precisely anti rhetoric. Especially when it has been disproven time and time before, and what people do in fiction has no correlation with what they do in real life.

And before the inevitable question arises, no, HNY does not fail anything, you just listened to a bunch of idiots who can’t even settle on what age they think she is because every time you ask them they make her younger and younger, idiots who can’t even translate one word correctly and genuinely without trying to twist it to fit whatever they need, and idiots with zero reading comprehension who barely even grasp the meanings of the words in their daily vocabulary with how much they watered down the weight and meaning of the words "grooming, abuse, paedophilia" throwing them around like street insults towards everyone they don't like, or "ship wrong", let alone a fairy tale story.

I’m sorry but Rin isn’t “a child” because she isn’t tall enough or doesn’t have boobs big enough or whatever other misogynistic bullshit you come up with, ultimately you WANT her to be a “child” and you come up with whatever reasons you can to push this idea that you want. The plot refers to her as a young woman, and to begin with, I don’t understand what it is that has people so convinced and willing to bend over backwards to argue that “she’s a child” when there is no proof of that at all. Literally, nothing exists to validate that viewpoint other than botched translations from clearly ill-intentioned people, and dubiously sourced “proofs” of age when Rin never even had an established age, at all, ever, in any official material.

I know this is in fact a discussion about lolisho and that you all got it in your heads that lolisho is some devil sent thing but... it's not. It doesn't cause or do anything, it doesn't magically transform people into abusers because they like some characters, that aren't real and don't give a crap about what you do to them, fucking. You consuming media or enjoying a ship isn't gonna make you think weird stuff is normal unless you have the moral backbone of a banana forgotten in the sunlight, and assuming that people are stupid to not tell the difference, that you need to come enlighten them like a knight in shining moral armour over something they couldn't possibly figure out themselves (sarcasm, in case it isn’t obvious), is severely infantilizing. You really listened to all these people terrorize you, internalized it and decided that unironically, and without any proof, you can just call people criminals for shipping what you deem as 'not the right ships', and you don't see why that's the same thing as they do?

Not just that but the way it has become imperative to have conversations about paedophilia (which normally is a very heavy, uncomfortable and potentially traumatic conversation to have... with anyone really, let alone in relation to harmless hobbies, daily, with strangers in public with accusations thrown their way, with no basis or root in reality) in relation to fandom when those two have nothing to do with each other... Being against paedophilia is normal, you aren't inventing the wheel or advocating for anything revolutionary that your peers don't already also do, because it's sheer common sense, everyone knows it's bad, that won't change because you ship fake characters, unless, again, you have the backbone of a frail twig that breaks at the softest blow of the wind.

Are you that insecure and shaky in your beliefs you need to reinforce them in everything you see lest you slip? Or what even is this. You know what else is normal? Most people shipping.. anything ever... look at characters and see just that... characters and dynamics. And so, I have to wonder why some of you look at characters and instead of seeing characters, you see children getting fucked everywhere you look. I assure you, that says a lot more about you than it does about me or anyone shipping “”problematic”” ships. Characters are not children, or adults, they're simply characters. Characters aren't your next door neighbour, they aren’t the kid playing in the front of your yard, characters are not you and you are not them, they don't exist, stop projecting real people onto them, or stop projecting "realness" and consciousness onto them in itself, when they aren't real and they have nothing to do with anyone or anything real, they're mere figments of someone's imagination, that anyone else can take and carry into theirs, and they do not exist outside the boundaries of our heads. Characters are the equivalent of barbies and fiction is the doll house, exploring ideas in a realm where they don't really even truly happen, has nothing to do with people's actions, or how they choose to impact the real world and the people around them. All this is literally common sense, it's surreal it even needs to be spelled out.

Need we also remind that paedophilia is also a disorder and a relatively rare occurrence. The way you people act in fandom, branding people pedos over ships, you’d think pedos have suddenly taken to strolling around, being everywhere, just out in the open proudly announcing what they are and a whole fanfare. That’s incredibly naïve, ridiculous and ruptured from reality. And that plays into a very naïve and ruptured from reality view of abuse in general coming from the anti side, because from my own experience with abuse, no abuser ever would have announced what they are. The goal of an abuser is precisely, to gain trust and appear “safe” in order to tear down your defences. To unironically think that abusers would flock, not only to fandom in general of all things, a niche hobby, but to “problematic” ships? The ships that are more likely than anything to earn them scorn and risk branding them as exactly what they are and isolate them? If you are really worried about abusers anywhere, I’d be more worried of them flocking to “safe”/”vanilla” ships, trying to appear as “safe” adults or “safe” people in general, and trying to manipulate the unassuming. No abuser ever, if they want to not appear as the abusers they are (which they do cuz that’s literally the whole point of them being abusers), would come to the very thing that would compromise them.

And again where do you people see all these "minor x adult" shippers and these alleged "tactics to start shipwars" because I'd be dying to have some friends I could share interests with, without all this pointless pearl clutching and screeching to protect non-existent characters. Not "shipping responsibly"? Has anyone heard or does anyone have proof of anyone hurting people because they ship a ""problematic"" ship, cuz I sure as hell have yet to see any, what is it that makes you think people don't ship responsibly, just because they ship in a way that rubs you wrong. What "spreading misinformation"?? By chance saying “lolisho isn’t paedophilia”, which is a fact... is that what’s “spreading misinformation”? A bonus mention, because it’s a recurring pattern, how all the “children protection militants” conflate their abuse to lolisho, while in the same breath referring to it as CP... the fucking disaster. “Child porn” doesn’t exist, let’s get this straight. CSAM (or Child Sexual Abuse Material) is not “porn” - porn being something consensually made, between adults, and actors no less, porn is an acted experience. Sexual abuse is not. As for the fictional property, news flash, it does not contain children at all. Conflating the two does nothing but diminish real abuse. You aren’t saving anyone from anything, you’re only engaging in some moral masturbation where you scream and seek validation for having the right morals, without actually having to do any real work to fight for the things you claim to be fighting for.

Game of Thrones has known global acclaim and I have yet to see incest run rampant in the world because people saw it on a popular show and couldn't think for themselves that in real life that stuff is whack. It's also funny to me how there are real tags on social media where actual CSAM is shared by actual awful predators, and NO ONE, not one of you fandom activists claiming ships are equivalent to abuse, ever militate to dismantle THOSE tags, and that content, but you take it out on people who ship fake characters, on the basis that the fake number slapped on the nonexistent pixel isn't high and moral enough. Insane.

If you act like a fancop and demonize people over ships, then don't be surprised people will call you what you are, because this is exactly what antis do and parroting them makes you no better, no matter how much you wanna delude yourself that you are. You can't claim neutrality when the bar is at: you either agree with harassing and calling people names or... you don't and let them mind their business. You're not superior because you ship "safe" ships while being just as willing to demonize and call names everyone who doesn't necessarily abide by that or assume they're x and y. Also if you cite the 10k blocklist as "a great source to find more like minded people" when the blocklist is exclusivelly antis/fancops, why you mad you get called an anti like?? ROFL??

[kibibarel]

one time on my Oleana RP blog i made a shitpost where i was like “Oleana manipulating Bede into bringing her a bunch of Wishing Stars in order to instigate the apocalypse and then not batting an eye when he gets publicly disqualified by his sponsor who he saw as a weird father figure is justified actually for his Simple Beam comment. he fucked around and he found out” and someone unironically sent me like an entire paragraph explaining to me that manipulating children is bad and that’s reason #345 why i can’t go back to my RP blogs

[mellometal]

Here are the last few things I want to say about Dhar Mann. Because he's not a good person to support and I cannot believe people support him unironically.

I was misguided to an extent in my first response to him on the video he made about ASD. The whole complimenting him thing in my comments was only to ensure that my comments would not be deleted and that I wouldn't get blocked. That's why it sounded like I was sucking up to him in some parts of my comments. I actually WANT people to see them. I would hope at least SOMEONE would resonate with them in some way. I want people to see how videos about subjects he knows NOTHING about and probably will NEVER know about can and do affect people. I don't think he's a good person. At all.

Dhar Mann's videos reek of wannabe superiority. There are some things that people have brought up about him having a savior complex on Reddit, but I don't want to go into the entire psychological aspect of him...if such a thing exists. I may find psychology interesting, but he's not worth going into a whole psychological analysis over. I'm not licensed to do any kind of diagnoses on him anyway.

His morals are extremely watered down with quotes that even kids in preschool can understand. It honestly feels like he's talking down to his audience. (Why does he have an audience? The world may never know.) Dude, NOBODY appreciates being talked down to like they're stupid.

While sometimes, it's obvious that he's trying to come from a good place, it still doesn't change the fact that he doesn't go into WHY the events that happen in the videos are bad, what we can do to change it, nothing. I don't recall him putting down any reputable resources for anything he makes. If he has, it must be like finding Atlantis. For example, in his videos that are supposed to be tackling homelessness, he only goes into the whole narrative that we gotta be nice to homeless people. He never goes into the factors that cause homelessness. He never goes into any statistics. He doesn't share any reputable resources for the homeless population. Just goes into, "Be kind to homeless people!" and nothing else.

Another big example would have to be the videos he has made about disabilities. He seemed to KINDA tackle physical disabilities, but here's the thing. Physically disabled people aren't all helpless victims. Yes, some physically disabled people do require full support doing things. There are other physically disabled people who require moderate support, or even minimal support. Treating physically disabled people like they're just all helpless victims who you should feel bad for isn't helping them at all. They're not subhuman. They're human beings.

The video he made about Autism Spectrum Disorder is personally insulting. Treating ASD like it's a superpower harms autistic people and it honestly sounds like autistic people aren't being taken seriously. Calling ASD a "different ability" instead of calling it a disability (which is what ASD is) treats being autistic like it's a bad thing. (For anyone who found me through my first Dhar Mann post about his video on ASD, y'all already know my feelings about this. For anyone who's new here, doesn't know what's going on, and wants to know where I stand on that video in particular, please refer to that post.)

Like an anonymous person mentioned in the ask they sent earlier, Dhar Mann also made a video that was pro-cop. I knew about the video he made about a bunch of cops in training being sexist towards the only woman, which obviously ain't great either. I've seen that one and it made absolutely no sense to me. Dhar Mann, defeating sexism? *GASP!* We did it, feminists! We can go home now! Not.

Anyways, back to the pro-cop video. I didn't know that he made a video like that, so I searched for it. It was a pretty recent video too...and it's gross. The lady protesting in an alley really shouted in eight point font to "fire all cops". It took some guy stealing her purse for her to "change her mind" about cops.

The "cop" in the video really went into his whole life story about how he risks his life every day for people, fighting bad people (they even had a black man as the assailant trying to threaten a white woman, which is a disgusting racist stereotype and does nothing to help stop police brutality), and basically told this lady "Before you judge me, get to know ME!"

MOTHERFUCKER. FIREFIGHTERS, PARAMEDICS, AND THE ENTIRE MEDICAL FIELD, TO NAME A FEW, RISK THEIR LIVES EVERY DAY TOO. But you don't see a song that says "Fuck the fire department!" or "Fuck paramedics!", do you? (I have some choice words for parts of the medical field because of how some think it's okay to refuse to help people for being LGBT, not taking BIPOC seriously when they seek medical attention, refusing to help people for the religion they practice or lack thereof, the fatphobia, etc. I won't dive completely into it, but if you choose to be in the medical field and you refuse to help people for the color of their skin, their sexual orientation, their gender identity, their religious beliefs or lack thereof, their weight, or ANYTHING along those lines, FIND A DIFFERENT CAREER.)

Police brutality towards black people is the highest out of every race. Not to mention that black people are the number one target for the police. The amount of black people being killed by the police will only keep increasing unless we all do something to put an end to police brutality towards black people. Black lives matter, and they ALWAYS will.

Can we also talk about how the police aren't equipped to deal with anything related to mental health or disabilities? Because the way they handle people having mental health crises, disabled people, and mentally ill people as a whole is heartless and ableist. AND THEY HAVE THE NERVE TO PUT ON THEIR VEHICLES THAT THEY'RE SAFE FOR DISABLED PEOPLE AND SHIT IN CERTAIN PLACES IN THE UNITED STATES.

Just because there are good cops, it doesn't make ALL cops good. It doesn't change the fact that ACAB. It doesn't change the fact that the police has way too much funding. It doesn't change the fact that the police need to be reformed. Honestly, in this day and age, there are way too many corrupt cops who want to be all superior and treat people like they're subhuman to see any good cops among them.

I did a little research on Dhar Mann's history before he decided to do all these fucking cringe videos. He was sentenced to five years of probation back in 2014 for five felony counts related to a scheme to defraud the City [Oakland, California] by submitting false claims and receipts in order to receive redevelopment grant money. He pleaded no contest to the five felony counts of fraud. Not a good look!

His voice is ear grating and crusty and he has a very punchable face. Every time I hear his voice, it triggers my fight or flight response.

HEEEEYYYY, DHAR MANN FAM! SO YOU SEE, HE MAKES ALL THESE CRINGE ASS VIDEOS WITH WATERED DOWN MORALS THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THE TOPICS OF ANY OF THE VIDEOS AND REEK OF WANNABE SUPERIORITY! I hope you learned something from this message! He's not telling stories. He's not changing lives. He's a cringe ass nae-nae baby who can't bother to do actual research on topics he knows NOTHING about. He's ruining lives! Thanks for watching and I'll see you next time!

TL;DR: Dhar Mann is a piece of shit human being. Please stop supporting him.

[irkimatsu]

Okay, after way too much delay - it's my Eurovision 2021 Final Ranking! This took me a while for a lot of factors - took extra hours at work to make sure I could get time off this week, some recent family events... and most relevantly, the fact that this year is so damn good that no matter what, I knew someone was going to get ripped off by ending up somewhere in the bottom half. Just know that being toward the bottom of the list doesn't necessarily mean I dislike it, especially this year - it just means I like other things more. This year is going to be an absolute bloodbath. I am both excited and terrified.

Try not to take my ranking too seriously, by the way - I'm an American who unironically listens to stuff like Scooch and Dolly Style. I'm not exactly a seasoned music critic. I just know what sort of music makes the happiness center of my brain light up, what the hell is music theory

Ranking made with the sorter at http://esc.gerbear.com/sorter2021.htm, then slightly adjusted when it put some songs concerningly low on the list. Okay, so I cheated a little

Firstly, in the interest in completion - if Belarus didn't get disqualified, they'd be in the big fat 40 rank, with a big bold "Hate" right above. Fuck that song. I've only listened to it once and am so glad I have no obligation to acknowledge it any further. Those fucking lyrics. Mother of Christ. Fuck you guys.

I also offer my condolences to Armenia for their having to bow out this year. I'm sure whatever you guys sent, it couldn't have possibly been worse than "Chains On You".

Now, for the songs that actually matter:

Indifferent:

39 – Spain - “Voy a quedarme” by Blas Cantó: Welp, already I’m gonna get shot. I can’t remember how this song sounds at all. I know it’s tender and genuine and sweet and everything… I just… kinda don’t care. Nothing to say. I liked his entry last year even more, and even that was pretty damn dull. Just not destined to be a Blas Cantó fan, I guess!

38 - North Macedonia – “Here I Stand” by Vasil: I’m with most other rankings I’ve seen; what the hell is this? I at least kinda remember it, which is more than I can say for poor Spain, but oh my god it’s so boring. I really liked “You” last year! What the hell happened, Vasil?

37 – Albania - “Karma” by Anxhela Peristeri: Another “oops” from me, huh. It’s another one I immediately forget about the instant it ends. I at least don’t remember it boring the crap out of me, hence it placing higher than Spain and Macedonia, but I still can’t say anything nice about it – or anything at all, really – so I’ll leave it this low. I acknowledge that I’m in the minority, I won’t protest if it qualifies, but personally, it’s not my pick.

36 – Georgia – “You” by Tornike Kipiani: Give him points for passion, I suppose! At least I’m not laughing at him like I was last year. On the other hand, less ridiculous also means more boring. Points for earnestness, but this is just another song that goes right over my head.

35 – Portugal – “Love Is On My Side” by The Black Mamba: An English song from Portugal? That’s new. Too bad it hasn’t rescued the song from the darkest depths of Boring. I will confess that I spice it up a little by associating it with Homura from Osomatsu-san, thus rescuing it from the deepest pits of my ranking list… but it’s still stuck down here. Portugal and I have never gotten along well Eurovision-wise. I’ve come to accept that.

34 – Slovenia – “Amen” by Ana Soklič: I’m gonna call this a song that I respect more than I like. She’s got a great voice, I can’t deny that… but when I’m ranking this purely based on what I’d go out of my way to listen to, this one falls flat. I warned you at the beginning that I have no taste! I’m not normally into straightforward ballads, the religious connotations are lost on me… this isn’t the song for me.

33 – Austria – “Amen” by Vincent Bueno: Back to back “Amen”s! Tip for getting me to like your Eurovision entry, apparently, is “don’t call your song Amen”. It’s a ballad, earnest and trying but overall not my type of music. I’m running out of ways to say that. Breakup song, a tad bitter, we’ve all heard this sort of song so many times before. It doesn’t stand out, and I think it’d be a waste of a spot in the final.

At least, I thought this was a breakup song when I first wrote this, but apparently it’s about the death of a loved one…? I would say that makes me hate the bitterness, but… given how I’m handling a death in my own family right now… god, I don’t know. I just can’t handle this song, not at any time but especially not now. It doesn’t even provide catharsis like a song later on in the list. It stays this low regardless of its meaning, I just don’t like it, I’m sorry, moving on.

…” 'Cause it all feels like you didn't even try to save us, all this time wasted on a lie”… ugh, my personal problems…

32 – Switzerland – “Tout l'Univers” by Gjon’s Tears: Another one I respect more than I like, and another opinion I’m gonna get my ass beaten for, I’m sure. I respect the artistry, but this is so far removed from anything I’d ever listen to on purpose. It might have landed even lower if I wasn’t afraid of pissing people off. I’ll understand if it wins, but I’ll also be hoping for most anything else.

31 – Russia – “Russian Woman” by Manizha: I don’t get it. Sometimes it’s pleasant enough to listen to, but overall I don’t get it. It’s unique, I’ll give it that! I understand why it won its national final, and why so many people enjoy it! But for me, it doesn’t quite cross that line between “interesting” and “enjoyable”. I'm not Russian - this isn't for me, and it wasn't supposed to be. Though I will confess that there may be some bias at play here. God, I miss Little Big…

Okay:

30 – Estonia – “The Lucky One” by Uku Suviste: The voice is okay, the music is okay, I like how the bitterness is handled here more than in Austria’s… but this is still as high as I can go on this one. It’s serviceable, but this year has so much better to offer.

29 – Sweden – “Voices” by Tusse: Sweden really does like sending the same song over and over again, huh? I don’t hate it, but it does strike me as a lesser “Too Late For Love”, sound wise. Sweden almost never takes risks, and it’s causing me to look over them more and more with every year. I respect it too much to put it in the “Indifferent” category, but given how the rest of my ranking played out, this the best I can do for it. (But again, do not trust the opinions of someone who teethed on cheesy Europop and fondly remembers when Sweden was flooded with the stuff…)

28 – Belgium – “The Wrong Place” by Hooverphonic: Once again, Hooverphonic help Belgium fill the role of Eurovision’s “Most Likely To Appear In A Bond Movie” song. It’s fine. It’s a song! I don’t know what else to say about it! It does its job well enough, it’s just not really a job I care for that much.

27 – Ireland – “Maps” by Lesley Roy: It’s cute enough! A cute little radio tune. It’s no “Story Of My Life”, though. If “22” couldn’t qualify then this probably won’t, either, and I can’t say I’ll miss it all that much. Still pleasant enough when it comes up on the shuffle.

26 – Bulgaria – “Growing Up Is Getting Old” by Victoria: I admit it, this ranks as high as it does because of anime and that’s basically it. If I was still doing plain category sortings this would have landed straight in “Biased”. My favorite anime is about a bunch of 20-somethings learning that growing up sucks and trying as hard as possible to avoid it, and I first heard this song around the same time that I watched that show’s relatively melancholy season finale, so it ended up sticking with me on that note. Don’t have much to say about it musically, just that it makes me picture sextuplets crying and that’s one of my hobbies, so I’ll grant it an “Okay”. (It may also worth noting that if I heard this song before 2019, in the state my life was in before then it would have probably left me too inconsolable to listen to it more than once. Growing up is growing old indeed!

…it’s also worth noting that after I wrote this blurb, a major event happened that really enforced that growing up is getting old, so I listened to this quite a bit for a few days, among some other non-Eurovision songs. I’m probably gonna have an emotional breakdown on Thursday when this one starts. So, um, look out for that, guess. Between this one and Austria’s, I swear to god…)

25 – Italy – “Zitti e buoni” by Måneskin: I’ve been trying to get this one to rank higher, I really have, but its inability to crack the top 20 just says a lot about how damn good this year is. It sounds great, it’s very well done, and I wouldn’t hate to see it win! It’s earned its popularity. Everything holding it back in my own personal ranking is just that, personal – I do lose something when I can’t sing along or understand the lyrics, and there’s another rock song this year that I like way better. Still wishing you guys the best!

24 – Netherlands – “Birth Of A New Age” by Jeangu Macrooy: This song has a great style that I respect a lot. The message, the vibe – even if it’s not a culture I’m a part of, I feel and appreciate the hell out of it, and I really hope it does well. I don’t understand why so many people seem to think it’s not interesting! It may not be the sort of thing I’d go out of my way to listen to, but I’m glad it’s here. Catch me singing out “Yu no man broko mi” on Saturday! It’s been a while since I’ve given a shit about a host country’s entry, so I’m really glad for this one.

23 – Romania - “Amnesia” by Roxen: I’ll admit something else unpopular – I hated “Alcohol You” last year. Didn’t see what the big deal was at all. It sounded okay, I guess, but the lyrics were so pretentious and awful, and I’ve never liked the topic of “I love you even though you have no redeeming qualities whatsoever and you make me feel like shit”. But it seems like in that year, Roxen has discovered that self-love is important, actually, and it’s not worth it spending your time on some shitbag who consistently disappoints you. I appreciate it for that alone. Character growth! Plus, I feel the whole thing of “forgetting how to love yourself because everyone around you sucks”. It’s not the perfect song, not by a long shot, but it has a nice melody, and Roxen has a nice voice. It’s good to hear her using that voice on something I don’t find obnoxious.

22 – Norway – “Fallen Angel” by TIX: Okay, I’ll admit it, this is one where I watched the live video the first time I heard the song, and I was too busy laughing at his outfit to take the song seriously. Jesus Christ, dude, what the hell. Well, that’s Eurovision for you, and the more I listened to it, the more I admitted to myself that I’m a sucker for “I love you but letting you go for your own good, not sure what I ever offered you in the first place” type songs. Knowing the song is inspired by his own disability and self-loathing really twists that knife, to the point where I feel bad that I almost threw this at an anime character. I know I’m usually cold on songs that try to evoke emotions about the singer’s personal problems – Germany 2018, and this year’s Austrian entry – but this one really works for me. Only reason it’s in “Okay” tier is because of its competition – it’d rank way higher in a weaker year.

21 – France – “Voila” by Barbara Pravi: I like a good waltz, I guess! It’s a unique number, and the French language sounds nice, especially with the music. It’s yet another example of how this year is filled with so many interesting entries that I appreciate the hell out of. God bless this diverse year! (Or maybe everything just sounds so good to me because last year’s cancellation left me in withdrawal.) I expect a really nice performance for this one – this song isn’t one you can perform while just standing there, especially not during that speedup toward the end.

20 – Australia – “Technicolour” by Montaigne: That song that sounds like it’s about stripping if you don’t know that she’s saying cloaks. (Guilty as charged.) It’s catchy and fun, and I really love it when it first starts… but unfortunately, it does wear out its welcome toward the end of things. It’s a good party song, just a little repetitive. I still like it just fine, and wouldn’t mind seeing her in the final this year! Hope the performance is colorful and sparkly, it’d suit the song well

Like:

19 – Germany – “I Don’t Feel Hate” by Jendrik: I know stereotyping is bad but I was not remotely surprised to find out that Jendrik is gay. This song is pure gay sass, and god, I love every minute of it. I fully expect it to fall on its ass – this wouldn’t make it to the final if it wasn’t an automatic qualifier – but I’ll have a grand old time watching it! The sarcastic lyrics, the cheerful little ukulele, the middle finger costume… this song is a delight. Only thing that I think really brings it down is that weird spoken bit that interrupts the song. That’s so annoying, brings me right out of it. And I did purposely rank it below songs that aren’t complete shitposts. But thank you for your existence, Jendrik, your contribution to Eurovision is much appreciated.

18 – Israel – “Set Me Free” by Eden Alene: I said it this year and I’ll say it again this year, Eden Alene is a goddess of a woman. Absolutely gorgeous. Appreciation for pretty women aside, it’s a fun party song in a sea of fun party songs! I really do like it, I like her voice, but there’s so much else this year that drowns it out – not much stands out here compared to later entries on the list. Still a good song, though.

…and I do not expect for an instant that this is going to make it to the final. …my personal ranking is based on how the song sounds, okay? Just the song. Just the song. Nothing else. Just the song. Anyway…

17 – United Kingdom – “Embers” by James Newman: What’s this? A UK entry I don’t find bland as off-white paint? That doesn’t happen often! I didn’t like his entry last year, romantic ballad bla bla bla whee, but I’m always down for a good party song. It’s a little generic and radio friendly, sure, but that doesn’t mean it’s not fun as hell to sing along with!

16 – Greece – “Last Dance” by Stefania: I really liked last year’s “Supergirl”, but figured it didn’t have too much of a chance because it struck me as being a little too teen poppy to be taken entirely seriously. It seems like Greece thought so, too, because they’ve ramped it up with this year’s entry. They’re not playing around anymore, sending a grand, powerful song that, like “Embers”, is fun as hell to belt. This is another one I’m really looking forward to the live performance for – the music video is gorgeous, and I hope they capture that same majesty on stage!

15 – Moldova – “Sugar” by Natalia Gordienko: Oh, Moldova, I’m so glad you guys decided to be completely batshit again this year. I’ve missed your nonsense so much. Dancing ice cream cones. Cake men. This video is glorious. And the song goes well with the insanity! A catchy dance tune that can only be improved with downright insane staging. Please let the dancing ice cream cones be on stage, I’m begging you

14 – Latvia – “The Moon Is Rising” by Samanta Tina: A unique electronica number backed with a powerful as hell voice. I can see where all the wubbing would get on people’s nerves, but personally, I love it! I love the voice, I love the attitude, Samanta just oozes confidence, and if she doesn’t make it to the final it’s not gonna be because she didn’t give it her goddamn all.

13 – Poland – “The Ride” by RAFAL: Why is this one so unpopular? You people don’t know how to have fun. Yeah, yeah, last year’s “Empires” was a powerful song… but I like my club nonsense much more, so I’m favoring this one. Yet another song that gets me pumped – this whole Contest is gonna leave me with a smile on my face, there’s so much good party music

12 – Azerbaijan – “Mata Hari” by Efendi: Yeah, they’re basically just sending “Cleopatra” again, but “Cleopatra” was so goddamn good that I can’t even blame them for it. This song needed a chance to compete, and I’m glad it’s getting it again this year. I like it so much that I can even forgive the line about being a “godless”. Oh, Europop, don’t you ever change.

11 – Cyprus – “El Diablo” by Elena Tsagrinou: Huh, I didn’t know Cyprus had perfected their Lady Gaga cloning technology. Neat. More seriously, the early 2010’s club vibe of this song is exactly my jam, enough that I can forgive the “I’m in love with a horrible person” theme. (I think I forgive that theme a lot more from catchy party songs than heartfelt ballads I’m actually supposed to feel for.) Hell, I even like the creepy chanting! Sure, it’s a little cheesy, but cheese is always a good ingredient when used in moderation.

(How many songs are we going to get this year, not just in Eurovision, about wanting to fuck devils? I mean, not that I don’t get it… mmm, Akuma Ichimatsu… um. Anyway.)

10 – Czech Republic – “Omaga” by Benny Cristo: And here we enter the top ten of a strong year, where I’d love to see any of them win! Benny, what is with that title. Why. Ah well, like I said earlier, I do like moderate amounts of cheese, and this song is more than fun enough to have earned itself a ridiculous lyric or two. It’s unique, I’ll give it that! The song is just so bouncy and fun that I manage to ignore how pushy the singer is. Another one I expect big things from the staging for.

9 – Lithuania – “Discoteque” by The Roop: Ignoring the current events that surely inspired the song, I do love the more generic “party song for introverts” read on it – if only you knew how many one-person dance parties I’d had in my own house. This song speaks to me deeply. I can’t even begin to call it a joke song; I think it’s doing exactly what it set out to do, and it’s doing it oh so well. God, those synths. Totally okay with dancing alone!

8 – Iceland – “10 Years” by Daði og Gagnamagnið: I want Daði Freyr to adopt me. I don’t even care that he’s younger than me. He’s just such an earnest, fun guy, and I love his 8-bit aesthetic! And come on, he submitted a song about how much he loves his wife! If I ever stop loving this song it’s because my heart shriveled and died. Love isn’t dead, it’s just in chiptune now. I will throw things if this doesn’t make it into the final, do you all have no souls, this is too damn cute

7 – Serbia – “Loco Loco” by Hurricane: Another group I am so excited to see return, because I adored “Hasta La Vista”. I don’t know if I like this one quite as much, but it’s still catchy as hell! I love trying to sing along with it despite not knowing a word of Serbian.

6 – Croatia – “Tick-Tock” by Albina: Another catchy-ass club song! What more can I say? I love how much of this stuff we got this year. I will absolutely be screaming “Don’t go, don’t go, don’t go!” Oh god that was cheesy… I’ve been working on this ranking for too long. Don’t know what else to say about this one, just that I adore it. Just barely missed the top 5.

Love:

5 – Malta – “Je Me Casse” by Destiny: This girl’s got pipes– not surprised to hear she won the Junior contest before! I get major “Toy” vibes from this song, and you all know just how much I adored that one. Aaa, those horns! Expecting big things from you, Destiny! We may have our winner!

4 – San Marino – “Adrenalina” by Senhit – As much of a soft spot I had for last year’s “Freaky”, I don’t think it was gonna make it into the final, unless Senhit had the blessing of the same angels who were looking out for Serhat in 2019. This one, though? San Marino tasted the final two years ago and they are never giving it up again! This song goes hard! Love the song, love the video’s aesthetic, I even kinda like Flo Rida’s rap, even though I’m still baffled by the idea that I have been regularly listening to a song featuring Flo Rida on purpose. I don’t know what he’s doing here but I’m glad he is. Please, please make it to the final, San Marino! You clearly want the hell out of it this year! Favorite club song in a year of amazing club songs.

3 – Finland – “Dark Side” by Blind Channel: After spending about five seconds disappointed that Finland wouldn’t be sending Pandora this year, I gave this song a shot, and was not expecting what it gave me. I feel like an angsty middle schooler again, and it is bliss. This is everything Hatari wanted to be, but unlike Hatari who just confused me, I absolutely love the hell out of this song. …some of those lyrics, though. “27 Club, headshot, we don’t wanna grow up”? Yikes. But as dark and questionable as it might be, I can’t help but get pumped when I hear it. Definitely my favorite rock song of the year – sorry, Italy!

2 – Denmark – “Øve os på hinanden” by Fyr & Flamme: I love you, 1983. I don’t care how dated it is when my entire soul consists of a disco ball. The song’s so damn cute! This is the one member of my top 5 that I’m most terrified of losing – I know it’s not popular, with everyone calling it dated, but my top 5 always has that dated song that I love the hell out of becauseit sounds so classic. The translated lyrics are adorable, too. Even if you guys flame out in the semi, you’ll live on in the disco in my heart.

Favorite:

1 – Ukraine – “Shum” by Go_A: Holy fucking shit. There’s something about the blending of traditional and electronic that gets me hyped – see KEiiNO – and this one does not disappoint. The last minute of this is the best minute of Eurovision this year, and god, the buildup! I don’t even know Ukrainian but I am trying my damnedest to get the lyrics down, phonetically, at least. You know that “dancing goths” meme video? That’s me whenever this song comes on, especially during that speed up. Love the hell out of it. Could Ukraine be on its way to another victory already? I sure hope so, because this song fucking rules. Definitely checking out the rest of the discography someday, if all of their songs are in this folktronica style then they’ve gotta be a treat to listen to. Go Ukraine!

Ideal Qualifiers (favorite of each semi in bold):

Semi 1

Australia

Azerbaijan

Croatia

Cyprus

Israel

Lithuania

Malta

Norway

Romania

Ukraine Semi 2:

Czech Republic

Denmark

Finland

Greece

Iceland

Latvia

Moldova

Poland

San Marino

Serbia

This is definitely not what's going to happen - there is no universe where Switzerland and Sweden don't make it - but it'll be interesting to compare the reality to my hopes.

Let's go, Eurovision 2021

[stillaclosetwitch]

~ Deity work: Aphrodite ~ DEVOTIONAL ACTS

I came up with a bunch of easy devotional acts and I felt like sharing with the rest of Aphrodite’s followers. This goes without saying, but this is only but a list of possible ways to honor her - it’s up to each individual to try the ones they find appealing and to ignore the ones that they don’t. That said, the list:

Read prayers out loud. Whether you wrote them or not, it doesn’t matter (just don’t pretend you wrote it if you didn’t because she won’t like it, my dude)

Talk to her. If you have a statue of Aphrodite, talk looking to the eyes. If you don’t have a statue of her, look at your own eyes in a mirror - that’s her right there, listening to you. You’ll see how much easier it’s to connect with her if you’re looking to each other’s eyes.

Dress up for her. Wear clothes that make you feel confident and beautiful for no other reason than honoring her and yourself.

Compliment people on a daily basis. It don’t matter if they are friends or strangers. A quick ‘I love your hair’ will surely make someone’s day and I guarantee you’ll feel amazing afterwards.

Work on loving yourself. You could practise self care, say affirmations about your body when you wake up (I look at myself in the mirror and say ‘My cellulite doesn’t bother me anymore’ every day), come up with a skin-care routine, take some looong soothing bubble baths... You name it.

Sleep a little bit earlier than usual or take naps during the day. Call ‘em your ‘Beauty sleep’ unironically.

Create your own face and/or hair masks. You could use ingredients linked or related to her, like cinnamon or strawberry.

Sexually please yourself / explore and know your body.

Make love or just have sex.

Write love letters or stories. They don’t need to be directed to anyone in particular and they don’t even need to be about romantic love - there’s countless of other kinds of love: love between friends, between siblings, the love of a mother to her child and viceversa... You could even write about a fandom ship and call it a day - just think of her while you do it, let her inspire you.

Start a rose garden. It could be as easy as buying freshly cut roses and starting your bush from that: there are a few tricks you could try, like sticking its stem in a potato or in the inside of aloe vera and planting them - these are supposed to promote root growth. If you do this, don’t ever neglect it because it will be the same as neglecting your relationship with Aphrodite Herself. Nurture the flowers like you’re nurturing your relationship with her and talk to the flowers like they are your friends.

Create a playlist with songs that remind you of her. Press play and let it go uninterrupted from the first to the last song while you clean, cook, study, bathe, whatever.

If you play an instrument, play for her. Make it her own personal concert. I recommend taking a chair and placing it in front of you. You can leave the chair empty and loudly invite her to come and sit OR you could place a statue of her on the chair or a mirror to, again, lok at her eyes while you play. (Make sure the statue or mirror are secure in the chair and they won’t fall over.)

Do you sing? Sing for Her! Again, do the personal-concert-with-a-chair-in-front thing explained above. Leave it empty or place a statue or a mirror on it.

Bake her something sweet. Could be as simple as cookies or as elaborate as a full on cake. That’s up to you. Offer it to her and wait a moment before eating it. Here’s a post about why you should eat that offering, if you’re reluctant or unsure.

Watch a romantic film.

Watch a sexy film.

Read a romantic book.

Read erotic literature.

Treat yourself to new stuff. Could be clothes, make up, baking items, books... Whatever you want to have but are unsure about actually purchasing it or not. Just do it.

Change your look. Dye your hair a different color, maybe even a crazy one, change your typical hairstyle, cut your hair a different way, do your nails or try a different fashion style.

Research her story. Look up myths, compare how they portray her to how you personally feel her, study how ancient Greeks viewed and honored her.

Meditate upon her. Feel her energy, hear her voice, absorb her thoughts. Listen to her and let her guide you. I play this music while doing this.

Create an altar or shrine just for her. Do your meditation, devotional acts and spellwork that need her aid on this place.

Journal your experiences when doing deity work. Use a notebook, your laptop, cellphone or even your own grimoire. Write date and time and proceed to describe what you did for her, with her, what you felt, maybe if you dreamed about her, if you think she sent you a sign or is trying to say something, if you think you met her while astral projecting - ANYTHING about her. Write it down. As you grow in your practice you will want to see how it all started and how far you’ve come - eventually you might even be able to decipher the signs she sent you and never completely understood.

Keep your space clean, nice and tidy. Show that you respect her enough to live like a decent human being.

Honor her by doing something for someone else. Feed stray cats or dogs, feed ducks, swans or pigeons, buy lunch to a homeless person.

Help people know her. Share your personal experiences, write about her on your blog, create a devotional blog just for her, spread knowledge, help people find her way to her.

Take a trip to the sea. Bathe in the water, go diving, walk barefoot on the beach, feel the sand on your toes, collect pretty shells as you go, take a bag with you and help clean off trash and cigarette butts.

Sweeten your tea with honey instead of sugar.

Become a beekeeper / help local beekeepers.

Plant flowers that attract bees in your own garden or in public parks.

I hope you find some of these inspiring. Let me know if you did!

See also: Tip to start deity work and Offerings for Aphrodite

[rnegitsune]

Ok so I thought I'd put together some horror stories from my time as a babymetal fan bc of how drastic the shift in the fandom has been the past year or so. For context I got into babymetal in like june of 2014 (all 3 girls were still underage at the time, I was 22; when I first got into them I thought I would be considered an older fan lmao the naivete, the innocence of new fan me wow I know now I'm not at all in the older half of the fandom esp considering I was born the same decade as su and moa), and I made this blog in I think may of 2015.

I've had people say I should compile men being gross into a post and I just couldn't do that out of fear for my own mental health but this will be pretty close. These are all my experiences with this fandom over the years; I'm definitely missing some but what I do remember should do well to cover most of how this fandom used to be vs now. It's gonna be a lot and tw for men being gross about minors.

Back in my first year or so of this blog I on multiple occasions got dms from men asking to be friends. At the time my bio only said my name and my pronouns. I've always been cautious of dms so I'd ask their age and every single one was considerably older than me. I wouldn't usually answer after that bc no thanks but they would generally try to continue convos til I blocked. The only one I still had was this one

After I put my age in my bio, which was 23 at the time, I never got a dm like that again; take from that what you will. But if you're young please be wary of this hell fandom even now. And if you're an older fan and esp an older male fan reading this, don't dm people trying to be friends. I was over 18 and it still creeped me out to no end.

One of my real first men in this fandom are disgusting moments was a blog back in like 2015 or 2016 who I had some contact with due to common interests; he was a huge yui stan and made bm content. He was like 28 or 29 at the time and I eventually noticed he would tag idols, mostly kpop girls, by their body parts (legs, butt, etc) which is disgusting enough as it is but then I saw him do the same for literal minors, like tzuyu from twice. I messaged him asking what the hell he was doing objectifying women but also actual children and he blocked me lmao. He later unblocked me to let me know that's just how he tagged things and it was my fault he had anxiety and then he blocked me again.

Back before the tumblr purge this fandom was repulsive to a degree I cannot even begin to describe. Someone would reblog something from me, I'd go to their blog and it would be underage jpop idols and japanese p*rn all the way down. I even stumbled upon a man editing underage su into p*rn gifs. Obviously no proof of that but I did go find my initial reaction to it

The number of times I'd get a follow from someone then go to their blog and it would be as mentioned above or their bio would be the most misogynistic trash I'd ever read was staggering. I genuinely considered giving up and deleting this blog so many times bc i felt oberwhelmed and outnumbered by these gross old dudes; and so the fact that this fandom has evolved into a bunch of chaotic wlw?? Amazing, I could cry.

Fun phenomenon of women running bm blogs was men sending messages asking if we liked babymetal. No joke. I think this happened to me two or three times but I spoke w other female creators at the time and it had happened to them as well. My entire blog is babymetal, and yet???

He said the weird guy idk bc he sent some random ass messages vaguely insulting me and when I responded coldly, he acted confused so I said you're some guy idk, hence the above message starting as such. Also that pic and the one up above that has my current pfp bc I just took those screenshots. Like I said I typically blocked weird dms but I guess these passed me by so I still had the messages.

Most people know the sub reddit is the worst and don't need me to tell you but it's a hellscape and I highly recommend avoiding it. A short list of things I've had to see as a result of going there: men discussing at length kano and momoko's appearances and how they look in costume vs in normal clothes. Men discussing at length the hope that the girls would marry men who aren't Japanese, a thread that was from when all 3 girls were underage. They aren't gonna marry you dude they're really not.

The insulting of billie Eilish, a 17 year old at the time, was horrible too. Su and moa got to meet her, something they were extremely excited for, and they posted a pic; the comments were disgusting as you can imagine. The yui rumors were terrible too, fatshaming, slutshaming etc all based on nothing. Some man saying the rumors about yui leaving bc, no joke this was a real rumor, she "got too fat" couldn't be true bc "look at saya." Saya being a barely 18 yo back up dancer who covered the third spot after yui left but before the avengers. Not to mention the upskirt shots from when they were minors, the constant editing of their faces onto explicit photoshoots etc. I remember being a new fan looking for a su pic on google and being horrified at the fact that one of the top suggested results after her name was “bikini;” she was 16 at the time. Also, the uptick in massively creepy posts and messages sent to bm blogs as each girl, but esp moa and yui, approached 18 was disgusting.

Now for some personal nonsense. A big reason why I haven't touched my youtube channel in months is bc I got tired of dealing with the men of this fandom. I poke fun at metal and get told I deserve to die. I say ped*philes and creepy men are gross and get a swarm of middle aged men cursing at me. Had a guy cry about how men are shamed for liking bm and then he turned around and said some gross shit about wlw. Had a guy call me racist for liking a band he also likes (and despite him having no way of knowing my own race) and tell me the babymetal fandom doesn't need my kpop feminist bullshit, which is honestly a great description and I thought about putting it in my yt about lmao. Had a middle aged man unironically say he'd never seen a man be creepy towards bm but fans su and moa's ages calling them hot was creepy. The disillusionment....the level of unawareness is astounding. If you want to see screenshots of some of these comments they are fairly recent in my don't mind me tag; I don't want to see them anymore tho bc they're infuriating so I'm not going to look at them to post here.

Essentially I haven't looked at my channel since may bc men are exhausting and rude and refuse to examine the fandoms they're a part of no matter what. They're told by a woman of the fandom that she's had bad experiences personally and they all start crying about how it's either a lie bc they haven't seen it or unimportant. I did stop reading comments in may and I will never read another one again probably as a result of this shit. Trash men being trash are not worth my time and I refuse to give them anymore of it. I do plan on making more videos tho and let my ~feminist kpop bullshit~ live in their minds rent free.

I will also continue to make fun of metal and the creepy men in this fandom bc it's important and I'm a spiteful asshole who likes disrupting these dudes perfect bubble of a fandom. It genuinely brings me so much joy seeing all the new fans recently (which sidenote if you got into them recently I am kinda curious as to how you found them; I've gotten tons of new followers and considering how inactive they are rn I'm curious). People sending messages about how they finally feel like they belong or that they have a safe space....like I don't even know what to say and I never feel like my responses fully convey how genuinely wonderful that is and how thrilled I am that this is where we're at now and I have had at least some part in it. As this post shows, my experiences have been negative for the most part so the shift recently is such a relief I cannot even begin to explain my gratitude.

So to anyone who read all of this and hasn't disintegrated from the male bullshit, thank you. Keep being yourself and fighting for your place in this fandom, esp if you're a young woman; keep making fun of the creeps and keep making wlw memes!! Babymetal's music is in such a huge way meant for girls and to see more and more finding their way to this previously hellish beyond belief fandom is incredible.

[famouslastwordsinmexico]

Suggested for You

     You think to yourself, I shouldn’t have looked that up online.

     You’re now staring at a bunch of banner ads that frame your email inbox. Each one is attempting to entice you to purchase succulents from flower shops near and far, small and conglomerated. The bright, animated images boast to you about how their store’s succulents will set you on the path to self-care while reconnecting you with nature. You know these ads are suggested to you and tailored specifically for you based on your search history, but, really, you just wanted to know how to spell “succulent”.

     To be fair, you probably shouldn’t be looking up non-work related curiosities while actually at work, but it’s been a slow morning. And yet, right as you excuse yourself for the trivial indiscretion, you’re called into your manager’s office. You lock your computer and worriedly head over to where they wait for you. Upon entering the room you see that there is someone else here for this impromptu meeting. Or, rather, someone has video-called in, their face on your manager’s monitor, which has been turned to meet yours.

    “A representative from HR will be joining us remotely,” your manager informs you. They then sit on the front edge of their desk, not behind it, in a manner you suspect all managers unironically believe comes off as cool and relaxed.

    “Huh. Is something wrong?” You cautiously take your seat, looking between them and the digital HR rep.

    “Oh, no, not at all. It’s just a small request.” They fold their hands in front of them. “That presentation you’re working on for Friday; I wanted to ask if you would give it over to Robert.”

    “Robert? Why? I thought it was supposed to be my project.” You worked hard on that presentation, and even harder on that project. It was something that was going to get you noticed by the higher-ups, a first step towards bigger things.

    “It is. Or, it was. It…” They stop themselves, physically appear to reset, and adopt a concerned face. “We’re simply worried it might be putting too much stress on you.” They lean in. “How are you feeling? Is everything alright with you?”

    “Uh… I’m doing fine?” You’re progressively less certain about what’s happening.

    “You sure? You can be honest with us.” They lean back. “We’ve heard you’ve been depressed.”

    The shock of this gives you mental whiplash.

    “‘Depressed’?” you echo. “Why would you think that?”

    “Well,” they begin, affecting the concerned yet distant tone in which only senior managers are capable of speaking, “it’s come to our attention that you’ve been sharing some pretty troubling sentiments.”

    “I only really talk about work-related stuff with people, honestly.”

    “No, I’m referring to the stuff you share online.”

    Dumbfounded, you blink.

    “You see,” your manager explains, “we recently employed a service that keeps us up to date with our employees.” They seem mildly pleased with themself over their technological ability. They speak to you but look at the HR rep on screen. “Of course, it’s only because we care for the well-being of everyone here in the office. And their software told us that you’ve been feeling quite down lately. They even highlighted some examples; is it not true that you recently posted about how nothing really matters?”

    You don’t recall using those words for anything. As you confusedly shrug, they pull out their phone and hand you it, showing the post in question.

    “Wait, what?” you ask. “Those are song lyrics. To a very popular song! I shared them for a ‘Throwback Thursday’.”

    “Hmm, no,” they say, taking their phone back. “I’m still seeing a cry for help. Like, what about this one: ‘All I want is to sleep and pizza and do nothing and sleep’? That sounds pretty depressed.”

    “That was one of those online things where people let auto-complete write a post for them.”

    “Sure, then how do you explain this post, where you describe how you wish the food truck across the street would ‘run you over’ if you ‘tipped extra’ for your burrito before you got back in from lunch?”

    “That’s a really old post I made when I was at my old job. The one I left for this job! I made that joke to vent. Other people liked it.” Specifically two people: a friend, and the food truck’s company (which you presume auto-likes any mention of their brand).

    Your manager sighs as they shake their head.

    “Come on, now, you don’t have to hide. You can be honest.” They lean in again. “This is sophisticated software; it wouldn’t lie. Its algorithm combed through your life and crunched the numbers. You are depressed. And, if you’re feeling depressed, we want to make sure the company isn’t placing any undue stress on you. Wouldn’t want you turning around and saying we’re unfair, or that we torment you with public speaking, huh?” No one laughs at their non-joke. The HR rep briefly writes something on their notepad. “Right. Well, when we ask you to hand the presentation off to Robert, it’s not just because we want it to turn out well, it’s because we want you to be well, too.”

    “You’re punishing me because of memes?” you ask, unsure of how much incredulity you can show without further risking your job.

    “Oh, no, of course not,” they reply, “we would never!” At this point your manager doesn’t even try to hide that they’re assuring the HR rep more than they’re talking to you. “This company does not punish depression. In fact,” they add, turning back to you, “why don’t you take the rest of the day off? We’ll mark it down as a sick day, a day for ‘personal care’, even.” They nod to themself, satisfied. “I’ll mark it down in your time sheet right now.”

    They pull out their phone and begin typing, finished with this meeting. You want to tell them not to do that, since you only have a limited number of sick days, but feel there’d be no use arguing. You stand up, at a loss for words. As you slowly turn to leave you find the HR rep is pointing towards the printer in the room. It prints off something you deduce they sent remotely. It appears to be a pamphlet. The person in the monitor motions for you to pick it up, their face set in the textbook definition of a polite smile. The pamphlet is titled Dealing with Depression.

    Your smartwatch pings as you grab the pamphlet and the screen displays an ad for succulents. You turn the watch off.

    You don’t feel like going home right away. You instead head to a nearby cafe and order the kind of sugary latte you know isn’t worth the high price and higher calorie count, but you could use the comfort. There are no real baristas here, only machines that charge you extra to print a picture of yourself onto the latte foam. You pay the extra amount. You then sign on to the free wifi, checking off the terms and conditions you didn’t read, and take a picture of your cup to share online. Not five minutes of browsing later you get a call from your mom. You plug in your headset and answer.

    “Are you alright?” she asks.

    “Yeah, how do you mean?” You wonder why everyone’s asking you that today.

    “Because you’re not at work!” You realize now that the picture you just posted is location-tagged. “And I know what kind of drinks you like when you’re feeling sad; I’m your mother, after all.” You should’ve never accepted her friend request.

    “No, it’s not that, it’s just… I’m alright. Working from home today, but I figured I’d grab a coffee. That’s all, I promise.”

    You don’t think she believes you but her silence tells you she won’t push if you don’t want to tell her the truth. You instead get a notification on your phone that your mom has sent you a “poke”, a feature that only moms still remember exists. She breaks the silence first.

    “Well, okay then,” she offers, “if you say so. Anyways, there was something else I wanted to ask you about.” Her tone gets conspiratorial for her next question. “Are you and Jamie dating?”

    “What?!” You nearly choke on your latte. “No! Why do you think that?”

    “Your aunts told me,” she answers plainly. “And, apparently, some of their friends told them first. They’re still not used to, you know, those kinds of relationships.” As progressive as your mom can be, her age and upbringing still show from time to time.

    “I don’t even know my aunts’ friends, why would they think I’m dating Jamie?”

    “They saw your picture online.”

    You rub your eye, annoyed.

    “What picture, mom?”

    “Well,” she starts, and if phones still had cords you could imagine your mom twirling hers now, wrapping her finger as she shares the gossip, “you see, one of your aunts’ friends was online and saw you as a suggested friend.” You never understood what algorithms determined those suggestions. “She was curious, so she went in and browsed your page. There it was, a photo of the two of you, looking pretty close and cozy.”

    You check your account on your phone. There’s no way someone randomly looking you up online could’ve seen that photo. Although, how many times did the site tell you they were updating their privacy policy and you opted to skip the details of what that meant?

    “Mom, didn’t you see that picture yourself before? That was just Jamie and me playing around. You know we’re just friends.”

    “Yes, I thought it was nothing. But, those friends of your aunts talk a lot, and they do seem very convinced. I looked at the picture again and it got me thinking.” Her tone gets conspiratorial again. “Are you dating Jamie? I’d have nothing against it. Your father, though…” You block the headset mic to hide your exasperated sigh, and then interrupt before she can finish the thought.

    “We’re not close, mom, not like that. My aunts and their friends are making up stories.” You wonder how scrutinized any future pictures you post will be. Maybe you should restrict how much of your profile your mom can access. You’ll have to figure out the new privacy settings first.

    “Yes, fine, you’re right. I’m simply saying they sounded convinced, is all.” You can almost picture her busying herself with some chores at home to prove that she’s over it. And yet she adds, “I will say, though, that if you were with Jamie, I’d be very supportive. Jamie’s lovely, and would be lucky to have you.”

    You hide another exasperated sigh and change the topic. When she’s had her fill of catching up, your mom says goodbye and you hang up.

    You sit in the cafe, your mouth contorted in contemplation save for when you sip from your cup. You thought you were good at keeping your personal and online lives separate, but thanks to dubious algorithms and out-of-touch inquirers, your agency at work has been diminished and your sexuality is being questioned by people who’d be less than understanding. Even if you restrict who gets access to your information, what little slips through the cracks is still interpreted without context. Is that what the internet is now? For people to be data-mined so other people can make assumptions? Who wanted it that way?

    Your phone sets off with another notification, informing you that a local indoor plant store has followed you online. They specialize in succulents.

    You almost laugh out loud at the insanity of it. Of course; this hunt for data is mostly the hunt for ad revenue. While it’s a marvel how fervently someone on the other side of the screen wants to believe they understand you, advertisers are the ones who set the system up. And even they can’t seem to get it right!

    The fever of frustration breaks, giving way to a fever of defiance. Why leave room to be misinterpreted? You decide to live your online life unabashedly and unafraid to share all. Will someone be tracking your moves? You don’t care, but if they are you hope they can keep up.

    You grab your phone and browse with fury and determination. You share news articles and let your political leanings lay bare as you never had before. You hit “publish” on every dumb joke and inane thought you had previously hid shamefully as drafts. You post all of the pictures in your phone, and when you’re done with those you take a couple more. You follow musicians, actors, and influencers alike, so that no one would have to guess what your tastes are. You join in as many forum conversations as you can, and only stop when a person you’re arguing with, who has an anime-girl profile picture, threatens to dox you. You log off.

    When you finally get home you’re bleary eyed from unblinking browsing and shaky from the excess of caffeine. You want nothing more than to decompress. As you turn on your TV to search for something to stream and zone out to, you call out to your virtual assistant device and say, “Play something soothing.”

    Though your command was vague, as the speakers turn on they start playing exactly what you only now realize you had in mind. You love this band, even if you hadn’t thought of them in a while. Your phone goes off with a notification that this band has a concert coming up soon. As if on instinct triggered by serendipity, you click the notification to buy tickets.

    While browsing various streaming services on your TV you come across several documentaries that you’ve heard confirm a lot of opinions you’ve had on the state of things. While you’d love to be proven correct, you’re more in the mood for something light. You wonder if they have this one funny movie that’s a reboot of a movie that’s based on a book. Before you can remember the title you see it listed. You hit play.

    Ultimately, modern movie watching entails being on your phone, so you scroll through whatever new content was uploaded on your commute home. While you idly browse, you find another tailored ad, this time for a t-shirt boldly claiming that people born the same month as you are kind yet shouldn’t be messed with, each line in a different garish font.

    “Ha,” you laugh to yourself, “what a stupid ad.” Even after all the data you gave them, advertisers are no better than your manager or your aunts, thinking they know you and what’s best for you.

    Suddenly the page you’re on refreshes. What loads first is the ad, this time for a different shirt that’s admittedly more your style. The tagline reads, “Your life, your look.” Unsettled by the coincidence and feeling like you’ve found yourself in a conversation with your phone you didn’t know you were having, you try to click on a different link. More content loads just at that moment, though, shifting the layout of the page and leading you to click on the ad instead. Surprised, you fumble with your phone to close what’s popped up, but as your panicked fingers slip your phone decides you mean to go through with the order. You adjust your hold on your phone but somehow manage to set off a biometric scan that confirms the purchase.

    As if queued by your consumerist momentum, an ad interrupts the movie you’re watching (since when did this streaming service have ads?). The volume seems to increase on its own as the TV blares at you.

    “You don���t necessarily feel you age, so why look your age? Our skin cream can miraculously take 5 years off your face, letting your inner youth shine through.” The ad shows a model before and after using the cream. It makes a specific point of telling you the model’s age, which is your age.

    You search frantically for the remote to turn the volume down. No matter what angle you point the remote at it, the TV refuses to recognize your button pushing. You get up and simply turn off the TV manually. This gives your virtual assistant device space to chime in with a separate ad.

    “Tired of the long commute to your workplace? Find more free time while moving into one of the fastest growing neighbourhoods that’s perfect for you.” The voice emanating from your speakers describes listings in a building that you recognize is half a block away from your office. You run to unplug the device.

    One by one more “smart” appliances in your home, devices that you now question their need for internet connectivity, begin to play or display ads that were made to appeal to you exactly.

    “Our energy efficient windows fit your green lifestyle!” your thermostat boasts, citing a climate change article you just read.

    “Let us deliver the groceries you need for the recipes you love!” your fridge demands, listing off your actual favourite recipes.

    “Bzzt!” vibrates your electric toothbrush, calling you to look at its charger’s digital screen and see an ad for a dental clinic, featuring a close up of a mouth you’re weirdly certain is actually yours.

    As your apartment comes alive with the sounds of aggressive advertising, you’re terrified. You step out onto the balcony. You think to yourself, and only to yourself, that you need to get away.

    A delivery drone floats up from under your balcony and stops right at your eye level. It’s been outfitted with a display monitor. It plays a video.

    “Looking for a vacation?” it asks. “Why not fly out to Pasadena, California? You can visit the Cactus & Succulent Society of America’s annual show and sale!”

[carrackian]

‘Toxic’ Anime Fandoms (But I’m just angry)

Ok so this is gonna be a long stupid ramble because I (An idiot) found some articles online about toxic anime fandoms... and by god does it piss me off. SO in this essay I’m gonna incoherently scream about why these articles I found are just lacking in explanation, and then I point at the glaring flaws. Not to mention I’m using multiple articles, but they all like to use similar arguments.  Warning, I’m gonna paraphrase because these articles are long winded about literally nothing.

The Naruto fanbase is toxic because people compare everything to Naruto, and people get upset when you don’t put it in your best anime list!! Honey... HONEY, that’s how all fandoms are. Naruto was likely people’s first introduction to anime, and people are defensive over their nostalgia, I mean like you saw the uprising with the new Ben 10 and Teen Titans Go, other than the fact that they’re BAD, but people were upset and still are (which is yet again understandable)  Seriously, if I made a list that said ‘Best Things Ever’ and I didn’t include something that they liked, then I understand why someone would be upset, and maybe comment something. It’s the day in age where if you have an opinion someone will probably be upset with you.

The Deathnote fanbase is toxic because people like to say it’s good and act offended if you haven’t watched it! Well I mean... Yeah? That’s how fans of a show can act, it’s just exaggerated. I mean seriously, if someone told me they haven’t ever played Undertale, or heard anything about Homestuck- I’m gonna wonder about what part of the internet you’ve been on because I played Undertale for the first time in like 2019 thanks to how much my friends praised it, and I only got into Homestuck in very late 2020 because one of my friends went on a three hour rant about homestuck and I needed the context for so much stuff. Hell, I only have any knowledge on Deathnote because my friend took their old Deathnote Manga and gave it to me for my birthday- which was a touching gift since they really love Deathnote. 

The Hunter X Hunter fanbase is toxic because it doesn’t get attention from weebs, and the fans sometimes get angry. Seriously? That’s what we’re mad about? This is literally so fucking petty my god- next ffs.

The Jojo fanbase is toxic because ‘is that a jojo reference memes’ and because fans want you to watch Jojo. Fucking- AGAIN!? jesus christ. You wanna know how I got into Jojo? My tooth was pulled, and it was the first time I ever got any teeth pulled, so I was high as hell and spitting out blood occasionally. I didn’t want to walk home that day (for obvious reasons) and so I stayed late so I could get a ride from my friends parents. So when another mutual acquaintance came up, and he was playing the Jojo game on an emulator. This got into the three of them telling me about Jojo, but only super vague pieces of it. High off my ass I got home, binge watched like two seasons of it, and forgot everything that happened after the first episode. So I managed to get through the first season (again) before I got caught up in other things (ahem, pokemon) Not to mention that its normal to want to share something you like with other people. Back when I read books regularly I used to keep a list of books to recommend to my friends.

The Demon Slayer fandom is bad cuz too many spoilers :(  Okay? This... This doesn’t a toxic fandom make. Yeah it’s shitty, but like full fucking on- that’s not toxic?

The Dragon Ball fanbase is toxic because people think Goku is the strongest and argue about it, and it’s dying, but like I’m also proof that DBZ fans aren’t bad! Okay? And? Like I full on mean that. I’m a Dragon Ball fan and let me tell you- I’ve literally never seen a single fucking person actually say anything like that unironically- or during a power leveling video that’s an actual discussion about power scaling. Not to mention that for the most part people watch shows for the actual show? Like the plot, characters, storyline- ya know, the actual fucking show?

The Attack on Titan fanbase is toxic because fans sent death threats to the author for ending the manga. Jesus fucking christ- okay, yeah that’s toxic! So... where’s the catch? They also wrote their own endings to the manga. I swear to GOD- WHAT THE FUCK. Fanfiction has existed forever you ignoramus, bleach-snorting, styrofoam eating IDIOT. Seriously, I literally fucking rewrote the entirety of Naruto (Multiple Times over) are you gonna say that I’m Toxic? How about the multiple other hundreds of people who have literally rewritten entire works of fiction.

Now, what do I consider toxic fanbases? The top three are: Undertale, Homestuck and Steven Universe. The Undertale fandom managed to be so bad that people were actually kinda scared of it. Not to mention that it is a good game, people just went a bit too far. If you killed anyone people would send death threats, Markiplier (a really cool youtuber) had people yell at him for giving Sans a southern accent, and I mean the fact that it’s so big made it worse. The Homestuck fandom had many bad moments where some fans caused harm to others, damaged products, the girl who nearly killed herself trying to dye her skin for a cosplay, AND LITERALLY CHANGED THE CONVENTION FIELD. The Steven Universe fandom nearly killed a fan because she drew a fat character thin, they turned on the fucking creators for saying this was bad, multiple racist, sexist and homophobic things just existing while people pretend to be fake woke.

And this has been- I literally knew all of the bad fandom stuff because I lived through it. Problem is, I lived through the popularity of every single anime on this list while actively in more internet spaces, and I don’t fucking see it. Seriously, when I think of toxic anime fanbases I think about anime like Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid, where a bunch of 30 year olds get horny over a child and then say that they’re fine because she’s ACSHUALLY 2,000 years old! I mean fuck, my favorite meme is literally the- “Men be like “You’re not a real anime fan if you don’t watch ‘Is it wrong to piss on my bunny sister’s feet?’“ Like- fucking exactly. Both these fucking articles have ‘I think that when someone is a little mean or says something kinda annoying they’re TOXIC!’ Like bitch no, when I think toxic I think of the gaslighting fanbases that end up with multiple people with mental disorders or someone dead- which let me tell you, is a surprisingly large amount of fandoms? 

Anyways so I’m done, mainly because it’s like super fucking late and I’m so tired

[mantra4ia]

Trixstar Imagine Fanfiction: "Three Times The Charm"

By mantra4ia. August 1st 2020. Cross posted to AO3.

One of the most aggravating things about hell was that Lucifer could still hear prayers. Like a soundproof room with a squeaky fan. Like a 'no smoking' sign on your cigarette break. Like listening to Alanis Morissette unironically. God's final joke, Lucifer lamented, was that deep in the bowels of exile was just enough awful celestial Wi-Fi to get the spam — prayers to other celestials of which he only caught the static, or pleas to the big man himself — like the bleed-over on an AM/FM radio. Which was why, when Lucifer finally heard a prayer loud and clear with the volume turned up to 11, it nearly knocked him off his thrown. It had been so long since anyone had prayed directly to him, not in jest, or begging for a favor, but earnestly and with fervor that at first it gave him a migraine. He could hardly hear the words let alone distinguish the voice behind them, until at last he was able to tune in to someone achingly familiar.

"Hey Lucifer, it's me."

Trixie, you little hellion, is it really you?!

"it's Trixie. I'm not sure whether you'll remember me. It's been a while."

You have no idea...but of course I remember you mini-Decker, don't be silly.

"Maybe you think I'm still pet sized. Well I'm not anymore."

I promise you, those remarks had nothing to do with your stature and everything to do with your intelligence, and possibly also your penchant to devour snack cakes, small human. But I admit I was wrong Trixie, you're smart and clever. It was then that the epiphany struck Lucifer: why and how was she praying to him at all?

"I bet you're wondering why I called you on the long distance prayer line. At first I thought maybe I would hear your voice answer me back, but I guess this will have to do. You see Lucifer, I may have lied to you, and I know you are not going to like that, but I hope it doesn't keep you away forever."

What? He took flight from his throne and down to lowest depth of hell scape, trying without success to fully find his footing among the chasms, his knees imperceptibly shaking —though he knew not why — while his feet took hold of him though he knew not where to. As if beckoned by the siren sound of her voice, he made his way through the winding onyx labrynth, turning where her voice waned and proceeding again where it renewed in strength.

"Because I didn't lie-outright-lie. I just didn't tell the whole truth. I've always known you were an angel, like your brother Amenadiel. Just that you live in different places. I wrote a whole bunch of letters over the years, but the post office told me Hell wasn't a valid address, and eventually they started making fun of me behind my back for not having enough postage."

Well you should have tried sending it via the DMV. Honestly, Beatrice, I have any number of portals there. A whole network really.

"Anyway, I figure where you are it might be lonely, so I guess this is as good a time as any to catch up."

Out with it then, what's the sitch child?

"I just started driving lessons, although they're not as good as yours." That's my girl. "And Charlie's doing great, he started playing soccer." Please don't tell me Linda had him play keeper to keep an eye out for infant angel powers. "He's the goalie." Christ, I bet she put him in a helmet too. "I was mad at him for a long time, I know he's only little, but I was angry that he couldn't remember you like I remember you. He even asked me if you were my imaginary friend." Does he really not remember his Uncle Lucifer? "I know, kids are dumb. But I'm not mad anymore. I drew him a picture of you in my art class...and my detention after I didn't do the actual assignment in art class, but still-lifes of fruit are boring. It doesn't look like my old drawings on the refrigerator from the last time you were here, if that's what you're worried about. And it's better than Amenadiel's stick figure drawings. If I'm being honest, I wanted to make sure I remembered you too. Maybe one day you can tell me what you think. My teacher Mrs. Fissner says it's very good. Disturbing but good. She may have sent me to see the social worker. Mom misses you. I miss you too. Listen Lucifer, I'm sorry I didn't reach out sooner but...never mind, I guess that's all for now...."

No, Trixie. You're the first human voice I've heard in a thousand years who isn't begging for mercy. Don't, please, Lucifer pleaded.

"It's just that I don't really believe in prayers. I mean, I think they're kind of stupid..."

You're preaching to the choir Trix. I couldn't agree more, this rare instance being a timely exception.

"...because people somehow find a way to make it all about them, and what they want, when they should really be listening."

Oh damnation, don't tell me you've turned into a theological scholar, or did Amenadiel put you up to this? Fess up. Could you sound anymore like your mum, you're the second oldest young person I know. Where is the Beatrice who could extort people for cash, lay waste to my flat in a single pirouette, and inhale chocolate like I inhale controlled substances? A haunting thought ghosted over Lucifer's nostalgia. Did I miss all your formative years?

"And I don't want to do that, because I don't want to torture you."

Lucifer's step faltered as he slid to the ground against the ravine walls, at last overwhelmed by the whole absurd, miraculous encounter. All the days upon days he'd spent torturing souls without missing a beat, and Trixie was worried about torturing him? About how her struggles might affect him? His chin sank to his chest, and Lucifer cried.

"Mom didn't tell me you went back to hell, because she doesn't know that I believe you when you said you're the devil, but she did tell me that it's important and that in your new job a lot depends on you. I didn't want to hurt you by asking you to come back when I know that you can't. But this life is really important too Lucifer, and...it's mom. She's got a new friend."

So that's it, Lucifer thought in resignation, that's why she's praying.

"I feel lost between them. So I asked God to send me an angel, the nicest angel he had."

You've got to be kidding me? Is that what I am now sloppy seconds, I'm not even first on the prayer chain!

"Except I'm pretty sure I already used up that prayer when he sent me you."

Lucifer's din of thoughts fell into silence as he hauled himself up to full stature, trying to pull himself together. I can't help you Trixie, your mom deserves to be happy. Chloe deserves to share her life with someone who makes her feel as special as she really is. And God help me, I can't believe I'm saying this, but it would help if you showed her a little grace.

"So I was hoping Lucifer, that you could please come back and show my mom this isn't the right guy for her. I know you're the only one who can."

Not if it puts you both in harm's way, Lucifer said, knowing that his words would never reach her, and that her prayer like a billion others before would float away unrequited.

"If you can't help me, please help her."

Lucifer stopped cold. Why would the detective need my help?

"I told you, Lucifer. I need you to understand that I've always known what you look like. More than that, I need you to know I've always understood who you are. So that you'll believe me when I say I know that my mom's friend, the one that looks like you, isn't really you."

It was only then that Lucifer realized the wall he'd braced against was not a stone cliff, but a gate. He did not waste a moment eviscerating the lock.

Trixie had searched for Lucifer once, in his mortal abode at Lux.

She'd found him again within his personal den of iniquity without batting an eye.

Little did she realize that even in the lowest depths of hell she could reach him. Dad's blessings, it seems, run in the family.

Third time's the Trix. You're right urchin. It's time to go home.

***21 days of Lucifer Countdown: 21 days until season five. New content daily***