#Speedran everything going to shit

[notokbutthriving]

[colgatebluemintygel]

giggling and kicking my legs THIS CHAPTER. THIS CHAPTER!!!! SIRIUS REALISING!!!!! EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!

MWAH <333 EVERYTHING!!!!! (well almost everything!!!! he has one big realisation to go!!!!)

[inoreuct]

zosan with abba's super trouper.

is this essentially a pop star au? yes. bear with me anyway.

so the entire vinsmoke family are pop stars and they're perfect in the public eye but actually toxic as HELL, and sanji's sick and tired of it— so he breaks away from them and joins another agency, and zoro's assigned as his bodyguard.

they fight SO MUCH at first. i'm talking screaming and yelling and throwing things across the room (mostly sanji) and being stubborn and straight-up refusing to talk after a certain point (also mostly sanji) and then apologising with food and gifts and not words (mostly, well, both of them). they're like flint and steel; putting them together is just asking for trouble, but the years pass, and somehow through the endless bickering they end up best friends. who would've thought? their sharp edges have softened just enough and they're both too old and too tired and too busy to have cold wars anymore. they know more about each other than perhaps anyone else, and they care.

(they're also both in love and refuse to admit it. idiots.)

and then sanji goes on tour, and zoro has to leave for a training refresher course thing, and sanji's MISERABLE. luffy's with him as a bodyguard instead and it's fine, he's great, sanji loves him— just not the way he loves zoro. he feels fucking homesick in a way he never has because he's never really had a proper home and he knows, he knows it's because zoro isn't here with him. sanji turns around to tell him something and is met with empty air. he keeps trying to order double portions of food and booze before he catches himself and maybe he's being dramatic, but it feels like he's missing a fucking limb.

nami, his manager, has to yell at him to stop moping because all he's doing is eating chocolate and binging french soap operas in his hotel room and huddling up in the big leather jacket that zoro left behind. he just wants to get back to his tiny apartment and curl up on his shitty couch to eat pizza and watch Mean Girls for the hundredth time as zoro complains and gets invested in the drama all over again anyway.

he's nearly dead on his feet as finishes yet another exhausting show, trying to take comfort in the fact that it's his second last; his shoes are kicked off to the corner, his makeup barely removed, and just when he's about to turn in for the night his phone rings and when he sees the caller ID he SCRAMBLES to pick up.

"hey," zoro says, low and rumbly and so achingly familiar that sanji doesn't know whether to laugh or cry.

"you have no idea how good it is to hear your voice," he breathes, and he means it. he means it more than he even knew he did and it hits him all at once as soon as the words leave his mouth. he misses his best friend, no matter everything else that zoro is to him.

zoro's chuckle is a balm to his soul. "i'm coming to see you tomorrow."

sanji sits bolt upright from where he'd been laid back against the pillows, eyes going wide. "are you serious?" he can't help the hope and excitement that unspools in his gut, the warm rush in his blood as zoro laughs.

"yeah. i'm done with the course. speedran the fucking thing and scored so well they had no choice but to let me go. couldn't miss the last chance i had to see you on tour, could i?" sanji can hear his grin through the phone. "i'm flying in tomorrow morning."

"i'll come pick you up from the airport."

"like hell you will," zoro retorts immediately. "you have a press conference at ten."

shit, he'd forgotten about that. "how'd you know, huh?" sanji counters, faux-petty and reclining back against his plush bedding. god, if there was one good thing about being on tour, it was the fancy hotels.

"been talking to nami," comes the reply, amused and teasing, and sanji groans. "what's this i hear about you acting like a widowed husband?"

"you fucking wish, you moron," he snaps, curling up on his side and hugging a pillow to his chest. the bed is awfully big and awfully cold.

zoro sighs, and there's the sound of something zipping up briskly. "missed you too, curls. look, listen— i gotta get to the airport. see you tomorrow night?"

"...yeah," sanji says, because there's so much he wants to tell zoro and no idea how. he doesn't know where he'd start. he doesn't even know what he wants to say. "yeah, i'll see you. you'll be in the crowd, right?"

"mhm," zoro confirms, accompanied by what sounds like the chirp of an electronic lock. "you just sit tight, curly. i'm coming home."

they exchange a few more words before the line cuts off, but sanji's mind is stuck on three specific words and the possible space for three more after. i'm coming home. but he isn't home right now; he's in a foreign country, in a bed that isn't his, and zoro's flying to him. this isn't home to either of them. unless... and that silence afterwards, like zoro had wanted to say something that would have fit right in. something that would have been a natural end to that string of syllables.

sanji takes a deep breath and does his best to push all thoughts of i love you, spoken or not, to the back of his mind.

still, he can't help but let it all boost him up like a buoy bobbing merrily on the sea. one call from zoro, one short conversation, and he's fucking effervescent; he wakes up smiling and breezes through the press conference with effortless charm. he's bouncing on the toes of his heeled boots even before he steps onto the stage, thrilled by the thought of zoro being in the audience. thousands of eyes on him, thousands of people screaming his name, and he only cares about one. he takes a deep breath as the lights change and the platform he's on begins to rise, fingers tightening around his mic. it's his last night here. he's doing it all for zoro.

it turns out to be the best performance of his life, if he does say so himself. he powers through the entire two hours with ease and hits every note perfectly. he enjoys himself for the first time in a long time, soaks up the glitter and glamour and blinding lights, lets the atmosphere wrap him up and tousle his hair, and he wonders just how it's possible that one person's presence could change so much.

(he doesn't need to wonder. he already knows.)

when he says his final goodbyes for the night he's breathless, heart pounding, anticipatory. the hands patting at his back in congratulation backstage are superficial compared to who he knows is here, and he spares nami a few seconds for a rare squeeze, pausing for a few more when she whispers i'm proud of you in his ear.

and then sanji sees him, and nothing, nothing else fucking matters.

he sprints forward and they crash together and something slams into place inside of him. zoro sweeps him off his feet, squeezing him tight enough that he laughs, bright and merry and real as they spin around and around and he's so dizzy when he's set back down, light-headed and his heart full. he doesn't care where he is, he's home.

zoro takes his weight as easily as anything, tucking sanji to his chest. "god, fuck, you were amazing up there," he says breathlessly, the words pressed into sanji's bejewelled hair. "you were incredible."

the words rumble through his chest and sanji clings tighter, holding zoro desperately around the waist and taking in deep lungfuls of laundry detergent and the fancy pine-and-sandalwood body wash he'd given zoro for christmas. "you're here."

"'course i am," zoro replies, matter-of-fact. "said i'd be here, so i'm here."

his earrings press against sanji's cheek. "can we go get pizza?" he asks meekly.

zoro's answering laugh pours into the horrible aching pit that's been gnawing away at him, fills it up with liquid sunlight as he answers, "we can do whatever the hell you want."

they get pizza. sanji lets zoro pull him around town swearing at the Google Maps on his phone before he finally takes pity and steers them towards the little pizzeria he'd found when he'd snuck out with luffy on their first night here. the tongue-lashing from nami had been worth it, but even so the experience back then had been dull. muted, at best.

now it's like he's seeing the whole world through a whole different lens; the fluorescent sign in the window beams charmingly as the bell above the door chimes, and sanji doesn't even care about the raised eyebrow zoro gives him when he wiggles into the booth seat with undisguised glee. between them they put away a large four-cheese pizza and a frankly massive slice of apple pie à la mode, and sanji's feeling pleasantly stuffed as he finishes up his vanilla milkshake and successfully fends zoro off from stealing sips when he isn't looking. he has plenty of experience with that, after all.

the walk back is filled with comfortable silence. sanji doesn't need anything else— zoro here with him is more than he could ask for. scary dog privilege aside, the man next to him is sanji's best friend, and he loves zoro more than he can, or will, ever say.

zoro drops him off at his room and hugs him goodnight. sanji strips down, blasts the shower as hot as it can go, and scrubs the gel out of his hair along with any of the remaining dregs of emptiness he resolutely tells himself are not there right down the drain.

it can't stop him from thinking, though. of zoro. of compression shirts and cargo pants and worn black boots. of the nights zoro had taught him self-defense and the time sanji nearly broken his jaw with a roundhouse kick neither of them had known he was capable of; the other had grinned up with him with blood all over his teeth, proud and raring to go, barking again! and sanji had glowed. his mind swims with it all even as he towels off and slips into his silk pyjamas— memories of late-night talks with wine and beer, sometimes tea, quips all around, beds shared back-to-back under unspoken agreements when neither of them wanted to sleep alone.

three knocks sound on his door.

sanji hates the way he rushes to the peephole and yanks it open as soon as he confirms who it is. zoro stands there, one hand on the back of his neck, looking bored yet unsettled in his baggy tee with his damp hair sticking up everywhere. "jetlag?" sanji asks, raising an eyebrow as zoro grunts.

"you could say that."

he steps aside in a silent invitation, and zoro looks around as he goes in. sanji topples onto the bed with a sigh of relief and crawls under the blankets, patting the space beside him as he switches on the television. "mean girls?"

"god, i fucking hate you," zoro groans, but he settles in anyways, and sanji grins triumphantly.

it's still not his apartment or his shitty couch— but zoro's here, so it's the next best thing.

they make it through the movie without incident. zoro parrots the dialogue and cheers when regina gets hit by the bus like he does without fail every time. sanji knees him in the thigh for it with a scowl like he always does and it starts a fierce kicking battle under the sheets that results in zoro dangling half off the mattress and sanji laughing so hard he can't breathe.

when they've mostly calmed down, sanji sighs out one final chuckle and sinks back into the pillows. "think you can fall asleep now?" he murmurs, turning to look at where zoro has his head propped in one hand.

"maybe," the other allows, and sanji swallows before he smiles.

"goodnight, marimo."

"goodnight."

the flick of the light switch feels like finality. in regards to what, sanji doesn't know, but now that they're in the darkness and zoro begins to get comfortable behind him he cannot deny that he wants.

he wants those arms around him. wants to sleep even better than he does when they're back to back, wants to fit within the circle of zoro's embrace like he belongs there. wants to belong there. wants zoro as his best friend and everything more. it manifests as a tight ache in the centre of his chest, a knot around his heart that he knows he cannot untangle by himself. sanji curls up into a ball and hugs a pillow to his chest, biting his lip— because zoro is right next to him instead of thousands of miles away, and he's still untouchable all the same.

he's on the cusp of restless sleep when he feels zoro shift, and he prays that the hitch in his breath is unnoticeable. he forces the rise and fall of his chest to stay even as the blankets are smoothed securely around his shoulders, a callused palm brushing his hair away from his face; a soft kiss is pressed to his forehead, a hand cupping his face tenderly and trailing away with the brush of a thumb over his cheekbone. "sweet dreams, curls," zoro whispers, before light cracks in from the hallway as his room door opens and shuts.

the electronic lock beeps, and sanji's eyes fly open. the white ceiling swims as he stares at it, unseeing, and the sheets on the right side of the bed are still warm. there's an indent where zoro's body was and sanji gasps as he drags himself into it, huddling down and pulling the covers over his head until all he can smell is zoro.

his heart stutters, mind racing, fingers tightening in the plush duvet. he's confused, so confused. hopeful. a little mad, if he's being honest, and his next breath trembles out of his lungs. mostly still confused, though, because what the fuck did that mean?

he'll find out, he swears. he will. he'll storm his way to zoro's room and break the damn door down if he has to. but for now, if he hides for a little while until he stops feeling like he's about to cry—

well, that's a secret for his hotel room to keep.

[startagainaprologue]

yknow, i was curious about something in yalls isat ageswap au. how…. soon after siffrin losing all their memories/country/language…. is this taking place. i’m sorry but the image of siffrin forgetting everything and then immediately coming to vaugarde right before it freezes is like. haunting but in a deeply hilariously ironic way

(also— did loop’s wish go slightly differently? like, wishing for help/an adult/someone to take the responsibility from them/??? which explains why bonnie’s the one looping the second time around? also, damn, loop must have… interesting thoughts on going through sasasap shit and then siffrin just… not)

UH not suure on the.exact time frame but.the island disappearing -> king doing the country freezing time gap is !!! a lot smaller for obvious reasons (if ..it followed the same timeframe im not even sure if siffrin wouldve been born by then). but PRETTY MUCH.. gets to spend a bit of time in vaugarde and then uh oh. the king speedran that shit

also!!! uhh.. i BELIEVE its preetty? much the same wish as canon. just ended up affecting bonnie instead,making them make a specific wish that ends up with them in the loops instead. idk the universe just said ok i think an adult needs to help here.there is only one adult.damn.

[hypaalicious]

Why I think Nocturne is way better than the OG Castlevania series

Sorry, when I try to shut up about this show I be like

so here’s my unsolicited, highly biased word vomit that will contain spoilers at the end (but those will be under a cut) so read at your own risk! Okay, leggo

It’s actually diverse.

One thing about high fantasy is that it’s almost always Eurocentric. Even if it’s not set in Europe, the characters are gonna inexplicably have British accents because we associate that with high fantasy. We’re gonna have European style “old” clothing choices. And if everyone isn’t white, they might as well be because they’ll only throw in a couple ambiguously brown side characters and call it a day. Or if they make a main character a POC then best believe everyone around them will be white.

Nocturne, tho? Oh, you can tell it’s made with more than just a sprinkle of representation. They didn’t just make Olrox indigenous, they tied his Aztec lineage in beautifully. Annette was a slave but it’s not flattening her character because of it. Drolta came to slay but even she has her authentic background. Which leads me to my next point!

The Black characters especially are done tastefully.

Like… don’t get me wrong. I love Isaac. He was the only reason I stayed tuned into Castlevania past season 1, LMAO! But his backstory felt like straight trauma porn cooked up by a non-Black person who wanted an excuse to see a Black man whipped for character development.

Zodwa Nyoni wrote some episodes for Nocturne and she put her FOOT in it. When it came to addressing Annette’s time as a slave, her connection to the Orisha through her bloodline… I was gobsmacked at how accurate everything was and now I know why LOL! Like, for me, it’s always gonna be hard to see slavery in fiction but I can’t say shit bad about how it was tied into everything in this show. Annette’s ancestors play such a huge part in her growth and it just warmed my heart to see a Black girl whoop some colonizer ass without it feeling hamfisted. 🥹

The token relationship is the cishet one, everyone else is gay asf

I love that trope flipped on it’s head, ngl LMAO! I, by default, HC everyone as bi anyway but MAN was it nice to see Olrox and Mizrak speedrun enemies to lovers and a hint of Drolta’s devotion/gayness to Erzsebet.

I know the majority of my fictional character thirsting leans male but don’t get it twisted; I jump for JOY for gay shit in media 😂 The only reason I don’t thirst as hard for female characters is because I prefer my men fictional but my women real.

That being said, this series sent me into bi panic and I’d like to be manhandled in a room by Drolta and Olrox.

Nocturne’s first season plays out neater than the OG’s first season.

Like… okay. My main beef with the OG series was that after they defeated Dracula, the rest of the show felt like a meandering fanfic. Sure, there were a few badass moments, but the energy kinda faltered for me and I was bored with a lot of it. I hope they don’t do the same with Nocturne; they left off at a nice cliffhanger which builds anticipation for the next season and… idk it feels more cohesive already? They coulda speedran kicking Erzsebet’s face in like the OG trio did to Dracula but I’m so glad they left us a lil something to look forward to.

Alucard’s glow up >>>>>

I’m chronically online but I’m so glad I went into this series blind because the way I GASPEDT when he showed up at the end

Like damn for the past fifty-leven years he was in that castle by himself going “do I wanna talk to Sypha and Trevor plushies again or do I wanna make myself even more of a bad bitch?” Then he chose the latter, went to the salon, got his hair bleached platinum along with some sew in extensions for volume, beat his face with Fenty, and said “sorry Drolta but there can be only one vampire baddie on this earth and hunny I’m TAKIN IT”

He looks more like his video game design this way too, which I love! I hate that he took out Cuntress McSlay tho 😔 Drolta I will always love you!!

Mmkay. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to start a cult to Olrox real quick. Erzsebet ain’t the only god walking the earth and I feel he just needs good marketing!

[wolfawaycamp]

What is the one thing that Jacob would never, not ever, in a million years, put his dick in?

Crack answers appreciated. Serious answers not expected.

🌦️here you go… as a commemoration of the reveal ™ I speedran writing this it feels., so my bad if it reflects in the quality🙏

After hearing Jacob wax poetic about the Dune popcorn bucket among many, many other things, Nick was ready to gag. They’d had a few drinks and Jacob had gone a little crazy again. “Dude, I think it would be easier to hear what you wouldn’t put your dick in.”

Jacob went quiet and got a very pensive look on his face.

“I was kidding.”

Jacob didn’t stop visibly thinking. It was taking him concerningly long. Eventually, he announced: “I wouldn’t put it in a beartrap! Or a blender!”

“...I sure hope not. You can’t just name things that would like… physically… harm you.”

Jacob was silent again. Nick reluctantly took a bite of his apple, trying not to think about the manner in which Jacob would probably find a way to violate it. The show they were watching went unnoticed in the background, laugh track melding into white noise. Jacob finally said, “You go!”

“Um, a lot of things? I’m not like you.”

“Dude, come on, just give me some ideas,” Jacob said, batting his eyelashes theatrically— a mannerism he had somehow picked up from Emma.

Mind still kind of lingering on the fruit thing, Nick responded, “Uh, I dunno, a durian? It would smell really bad.”

Jacob shrugged. “It’s not that bad. You could just plug your nose.”

“But why!” Nick said, shuddering. “Ugh, a McDonald’s apple pie? Too sticky.”

He watched his friend consider it for barely a moment. “You could just use a condom if that’s the problem, man.”

Nick threw his hands in the air because Jacob was really trying to justify literally everything. He had to change tactics. “Fine, Emma. I’d never hear the last of it from you.”

Jacob looked like he had a sudden epiphany. “Kaitlyn!”

Kaitlyn? Jacob’s limit was a woman he got along with well and not a metal water bottle? “Wait, really? Didn’t you— um— say she was hot?”

“That’s not why,” Jacob said and turned his attention to the show, which was weird because it was something they had pretty much chosen to ignore and Jacob had been elaborating on random shit for a while.

Nick hated that he was now the one encouraging Jacob’s shit, but he still asked, “Uh, why not, then?”

Jacob grabbed Nick by the shoulder, looking him intensely in the eyes. “A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell.”

Nick gaped at him. Since when was this a thing? “What? Why would that—”

Jacob put his finger over Nick’s lips and shushed him. Nick froze awkwardly until Jacob finally backed up, which took too long. Jacob changed the topic with a: “More beer?”

“Okay, but you still need to explain— is she that bad?” Nick couldn’t help but be morbidly curious. Surely Jacob was trying to intrigue him, because why else would he be acting like this?

After Jacob was thoroughly wasted, and Nick was too, Jacob finally explained, in a garbled mess of word salad, what he meant by that. Nick hadn’t wanted to know Kaitlyn’s detailed sexual preferences which heavily featured strap-ons but it was unlikely that either of them would really remember this part of the conversation in the morning, anyways.

If Kaitlyn found out they were talking about this, Jacob would probably be unable to stick his dick in anything ever again because it would be gone.

[fefairys]

"The human session spans only about a day, but there are still signs that everyone is "growing up," at least in certain symbolic ways. Their guardians have moved on, their sprites are starting to go their separate ways too, and they're beginning to embrace a certain sense of adult responsibility for this journey with a bit of help from their new troll friends. Jade has just said goodbye to a certain childhood comfort: her life on Prospit, and her access to the all-knowing clouds of Skaia. She doesn't have a sprite to say goodbye to yet, because of course she's just getting started with the game herself. But ditching these colorful reminders on her fingers is definitely a big gesture that feels like it's closing the book on her childhood. No more cheating, hints, or spoilers. Those are for babies. In fact, she seems to start embracing this as a philosophy going forward, as she reprimands Karkat in future conversations for offering her "spoilers" by way of slipping out of chronological order with their respective chat connections. So she invents a fairly clever password system to keep things orderly." -Andrew Hussie

ok first of all GOD do u ever just sit and think about how all of that SHIT happened in ONE DAY like they went through an entire leg of their character arcs in ONE DAY cuz they speedran sburb and part of what sburb tries to do is give you your own character arc so you can really feel like a Character In A Game. but since they speedran it, they speedran their character arcs too, and did SO MUCH growing up in just ONE DAY. thats crazy to think about

secondly, jade going from knowing all this stuff about the future and taking so much joy in that, in feeling like she was special because of how much skaia showed her, to "NO SPOILERS!!!" do NOT tell me about the future i DONT wanna know!!!! i think thats really fun.

she realized that only knowing bits and pieces of the future isn't enough, and that all it did was fill her with false-confidence that everything was gonna be wonderful!! she doesn't want to fall into that trap again, of being given JUST enough information where you think things are gonna be great, but oops! they left out the part where its really scary and fucked up actually!

she saw that john would eventually wake up on prospit, and she made the extrapolation that that meant she'd be able to show him around and have so much fun together! but oops! as soon as he wakes up, he watches her fucking die! she refuses to be that naive little kid anymore, refuses to be given any false-hopes like that again.

[closetsof-backlogged-dreams]

what are ur feelings on the execution of the magic reveal??

ok so i have manymanyMANY feelings on in which ill try to wrap up as cleanly as possible so lets just get into it

the way they like speedran the magic reveal??

to paint you a picture: i was super impatient when i first started the series lmao, and so i had watched maybe 4-5 episodes of the first season when i googled "when does arthur find out about merlin's magic"💀💀 i ended up getting the wrong answer because im stupid as shit so i was just surprised as everyone else when it ACTUALLY happened, but thats besides the point.

the point? this was a SUPER important plot point. everyone was waiting on the edge of their seat, every single episode, for merlin to finally pop arthur's bubble and reveal his magic. but five seasons passed, and we didn't get it until the last episode?? are you kidding me?? and because we only got it on the last episode, where arthur was dying, arthur was robbed of any true explanations or declarations or apologies like he—we—deserved. instead, arthur's reaction to it was brief and just not enough. he was disbelieving, then shocked, then angry, then sad, then accepting, all within what, like a day and a half? forty minutes of screen time? im sorry, after spending around 46 hours watching this series and waiting for the magic reveal, that just doesn't cut it.

2. we have to admit, the magic reveal in the last episode felt so NATURAL

sometimes i really struggle to hate the magic reveal, because no one can deny how perfectly everything fell into place. he got trapped in the cave, his father spoke to him, he escaped the cave and transformed himself into that old guy, he single-handedly wiped out the Saxons, arthur was struck, merlin found him and carried him away from the battlefield, merlin turns back into merlin, and then the fucking "I defeated the Saxons. The dragon, and yet— and yet I knew it was Mordred that I must stop." / "The person who defeated them was the sorcerer." / "It was me." / "Don't be ridiculous, Merlin. This is stupid. Wh—why would you say that?" / "I'm—I'm a sorcerer. I have magic. And I use it for you, Arthur. Only for you." (Your welcome for that, day after Christmas<3)

like, you CANNOT TELL ME that doesn't flow perfectly!! that everything that happened in that episode didn't flow perfectly!! the magic reveal was always going to be impossibly difficult to get right, but they got it right in the finale!! that is one thing i will always give the writers—I may have not liked the circumstances of the magic reveal, but the magic reveal itself was beautifully executed.

3. too little, too late

i read an article recently that really pointed this out, and while i disagree with most of what they said in the article, i agree with one thing: the ending was so, so unsatisfying. the magic reveal was so, so unsatisfying. what was the point of him even revealing his magic? the magic reveal was great, sure, but nothing actually came out of it. oh, for the next 24-48 hours of life, arthur can accept him!! but that's it.

there's the implication that gwen will legalize magic after the series, but merlin and gwen don't even get a final scene together! all in all, the magic reveal just wasn't enough. we ended so much more time for arthur to sort out his feelings, for there to be good days and bad days, to watch them relearn trust and love again. we deserved that kind of ending. we deserved the magic reveal to be in, imo, The Death Song of Uther Pendragon, or s5e3. give them an entire season to get through everything. you can still kill arthur!! but let them have that animosity. if anything, have them start out those last two battles on bad terms. let the travel to the lake be them relearning trust and love. let that be the emotional baggage they have to unpack in the finale.

just overall, do anything except what you actually did lmao.

alright!! i think those are the main three points? i think that wrapped everything up pretty nicely, so ty sm for the ask!! these are always the highlight of my month lol.

[ist-das-kunst-oder-kann-das-weg]

Crazy days guys! So last Monday, my prof was like "yeah, and this week, I'm going to take your problem seriously" and I thought, well, we've had the problem for over a month now, so thanks for probably finally thinking about it. And on Friday he sent me a mail with a short version of the solution and damn, it was depressingly immediate. If he had thought sooner about it, I'm could have had that much more in my thesis :( But well, at least I have this now.

On Friday, I also was at the revue of our local student club. None of my best study buddies were going, but some people from my office thankfully adopted me for the time. I actually understood way more than I thought I would! By far not everything of course, but enough to be proud of myself.

On the weekend and Monday I tried to fill in the holes in my thesis. I didn't really get into it though. But on Monday I actually was able to think about one of the two bigger holes and found a solution for one part of it.

On Tuesday, my supervisor explained the solution to the big problem in slightly more detail, leaving most details still to me but fair and I actually think I worked them out, but I did that on the blackboard so I still have to write it down in a concise way. Only if I manage that I feel like I can say I truly have the solution or understand something. But then I couldn't be stopped and probably found pretty much of the solution to the other hole and that still wasn't enough and I got the other part of the first hole down! And all of that within some 4 hours.

After that I went with a brand new friend to an organ concert by student from the local conservatory which was mostly pretty nice. It's been some time since I have heard cool organ playing and I missed it a bit. The acoustics were still weird for me tho. It actually turned out that my brand new friend actually played the organ herself.

After that I realised that I had fucked up going to the pharmacy and if I did not manage to find a pharmacy that was still open then I would have to go to do the walk of shame to my doctor and tell her I need another prescription, but I found one and they even had my stuff there! I always go to the same pharmacy every three months like clockwork and they never have my shit ready -.- But I got lucky there and the cashier also was the nicest.

Then we wanted to go to streetfood but I said let's get bubble tea instead because there is only one place in town (can you imagine TT_TT) and we were close, so I wanted to use the opportunity, but she was like "I have bubble tea at home" and I joked and was like, well then let's go there, and she was like "sure, what do you wanna eat? I think I have everything for kimchi soup." So we went to her place and I ate her kimchi soup and she told me about what Hongkong is like and she complimented my Chinese because I can read like three characters because I watched too much WoH and Untamed.

And finally today I had another half unexpected outing with my best study buddy here. We for us rather spontaneously met up and tried out a new place for take away. Was okay, but I won't go there again. But after that I was like, wanna go to the art museum, it's open for another hour. So we went there, me with our empty beer cans in my backpack and her with the rest of her take away in hand (we obvsly left in the lockers). And I showed her one piece of art that I wanted her opinion on and we looked at a cool installation (at least I liked it a lot) and talked about what it could mean before we read about it afterwards. Apparently people were also just like "many layers something something time something earth something something", and I think our interpretation fit into that quite well lol. After that we speedran an exhibition about a local painter (I think). It was extremely nice to talk about art with someone. When I went with my German friend and her boyfriend we also talked about it but it was kinda different, more general or something? Something was missing, but I got it today, so that was nice!

And in the evening when I got home, the moon was in the sky so very beautifully that I had to pick up my camera again. Feels like it has been some time, perhaps a month? But my sense for time is gone even more than usually. But yeah. I need a new camera.

So life has been kinda intense the last week at least. It's the sun, I tell you. Perhaps I am procrastinating a bit. But then, I feel like I am actually a bit more productive because I have all these mini deadlines if I am meeting people in the evening. Perhaps it also doesn't make too much of a difference productivity-wise, but at least I am pretty damn happy right now. And as long as I get a degree, who cares about the grades? (It's probably far more problematic that I don't have any job experience lol. But I have to say that I am a bit sad that I just do not sit down to do the fucking math, even though whenever I manage to sit myself down, I really love doing the fucking math.)

[eerna]

ngl i find it hilarious that they just speedran crooked kingdom while matthias was just sitting in jail like 🧍‍♀️

IT'S SOOO FUNNY it was literally "Crooked Kingdom but they never got Matthias out of jail". He was just sitting there praying, drawing in the sand, developing friendship, and having sexy thoughts. Bless

I totally remember when everyone was still debating whether the bathroom scene will be present in future seasons after the sea whip plot when season 1 was released in 2021.. but now we got a Walmart version of it 🙃 No hate to Freddy and Amita.. Like I believe they could totally pull the canonical CK scene off if the showrunners cared about a steady paced plot.. So far, the only thing I frankly like about this season is the set designs

Bro I thought I could give up hope and get over it, but when I saw them in their final scene together,,,, how GOOD they were if the writing is plucked straight from the books and allowed some subtlety.... I was sitting there imagining they were on the Ferolind and it was 2 different scenes and dyin from happiness. Freddy Amita you deserved better

what made me super duper extra mad was the pekka confrontation scene included the other crows. like only inej is supposed to be there you really think kaz would say SHIT about his brother in front of everyone????? he literally called jesper jordie in the books and refused to elaborate on it when jesper kept asking. and even inej doesn’t get the full story out of him.

YEAH LOL this season took some truly important scenes for Inej and Kaz and just. Wrote Jesper into her place instead. And also Nina. And Inej is now the one with the LEAST context for his trauma (except for Wylan, who still knows Nothing). This is not who Kaz is this is not what he would have done this is NOT HIM

The way I don’t even care abt getting kaz’s backstory anymore in this season and can’t be convinced to watch it bc the show already butchered literally everything else with his character. Speaking of I don’t think I’ve seen anyone even go into detail or talk abt it much which probably says a lot abt everything else the show is doing lol.

NJKnkjnkj you see, the writers just decided to tell us his entire backstory in shittily-placed flashback during the first half of the season, so waiting for his backstory isn't a thing. There is no buildup. No hints. You find out most of it in ep1. Remember how bad and scary it was in the books? Well here it is really lazily shot and cliched and just seems like not a big deal at all, which is probably why no one is mentioning it

@jfkisonthemoon asked:

okay wesper IS being sped through as terribly as kanej. but i do have to say that theyre at least fun to watch and the dynamic from the (end of the) books really is there. it probably helps that the casting is perfect and that im looking for any crumbs of non-ruined book content, but still.

Crumbs help us cope, no worries, that's great for you! But I honestly really disliked their new dynamic, is was very flavorless. What, Jesper just decides to be monogamous out of the blue because Wylan told him he doesn't seem like someone who would do it and also played a few bars on the piano???? It's killing me because Jack is such a good Wylan, they nailed the balance between assertiveness and cuteness he needs, but for WHAT

[naggingatlas]

i think im actually going to cry (for like. the sixth time i think) from how much i love spark 3. i cannot remember the last time i craved to play a game Just For Fun. just because a game Feels Good. i've played my fair share of good games, the best in their genres, i've mastered a few (i speedran rayman legends as a 9 year old before i knew what speedrunning was, i consistently beat grown men in guilty gear xrd in online play a few years later). but no matter how invested i was in the Weekly Game Newscast! #84's findings, treating every fresh release, indie and not, like a newly discovered species in the Nature magazine, i haven't seen a game that made me experience genuine, unadulterated, tear-jerking and sacred Fun in nearly 10 fucking years. not objective fun, interest and satiation and just. Quality you know from a game, of course not, this has been a much better decade for gaming than cod bros believe, i can give you like 40 games that were objectively insanely fucking good that came out during that time, by which i was gripped at the nipple and squeezed and twisted, by their story, their setting, their characters, their gameplay concepts, their essence, their everything. and i haven't had fun with any of them. i think. yasha's definition of fun. where i smirk whilst doing The Tech and i don't require someone to watch my stream and talk to me so i don't fall asleep and where i don't get panic attacks when it gets too hard and i just wanna push on and i want more and more and more. and then spark came and found the ignition key somewhere in the dried up bushes, stuck it into the half-dead nissan s-cargo of my heart and slammed the gas. i haven't kept a game on my drive after completion for this long in years, because i never wanted to just open a game and play it to De-Stress. Spark The Electric Jester 3 Is The First Game In 10 Years That I *Enjoy* ***Playing***. that doesn't feel like a Chore, that feels like a G a m e . a game. like frolicking. like a puppy in the grass. the first game i get excited to play, that i ask to play at a friend's house if they have it. not to show off, not to rant on them about the lore or production or mechanics but because I Like Playing It. because I Love It. i have never cried because of how good the game Feels. not the story, not the lore, not the visuals, The Fucking Gameplay. i mean, of course, the evangelon denpa vn typa shit that happens in there contributes immensely and i would still be obsessed with it even if i've only seen the letsplays and whatnot. but i'm so fucking glad that's not the case. i'm so fucking glad spark made me love games again.

now watch this skill contest entry. these aren't finger breaking speedrunning tricks. this is natural movement for this game. and a bit of level knowledge. i don't wanna get sexual but i wanna get sexual with this code. watch this and say it's not on par with like sm64 or whatever. spark the electric jester 3 is a freak of nature in the platformer genus and i hope all of it's mutations will have the dominant genes.

[mekatrio]

briefly pausing my kagepro ramblings to say that it was rly fucking insane how passionate i was about miles morales for like 2-ish months like i fucking speedran that shit... read 200 maybe even 300 of his issues, and now i almost feel next to nothing for spiderman. like dont get me wrong i love my boy forever but like my love for him was so strong that it made me capable of bearing the wasteland that is modern american superhero comics for him. like only god knows how much i deeply, deeply detest modern american superhero comics. like that shit is the death of all narratives served with a generous helping of racism and sexism and american nationalism like..... this is so mean but i honestly believe that its one of the worst forms of medias out there omg. like thats how much i loved miles morales that i was able to put up with that for 2-ish months. and like thats how much i enjoyed ATSV and wanted to deeply understand it that i put myself thru all that HAH

and im still gonna play insomniac's miles morales at some point tho cuz pirating it was a total pain in the ass so im not letting that effort go to waste. but basically what i want to say is that im never finishing that stupidly insanely long prowler essay i had planned like i connected all the dots and everything...... but i simply no longer have the passion for american superheros anymore. its like a candle burnt out. but bc i put so much effort in planning it i want to put some of the messy messy draft of it on my blog at the very least:

[theomnicode]

What is a serious threat in OPM?

"Like seriously, Cosmic Garou's introduction was the edgiest shit ever, and they even buffed him to Saitama level for a while to make you believe he's a serious threat."

Meanwhile, Garou almost broke his limiter, something that is said to have finally made Saitama break into his godhood status, he monsterized and was running rampant on the topside and he was already blatantly stronger than any other S-rank heroes when he monsterized, sans Blast and he was still growing at an insane explosive rate.

Just because Saitama exists, doesn't make Garou a non-threat. Garou was anything but a non-threat, even before OPM God jumped in. What part about cleaving Sage centipede in half makes him a non-threat?

This crazy guy literally speedran Saitama's "do or die" training in few days. Something that took Saitama 3 years of plain hard work because he was so inefficient.

What makes people think he could not have eventually reached Saitama's power level if Saitama hadn't stopped him before he had quite reached it and then OPM God jumped in to boost? He'd have done that in few more hours, give or take, just sparring against Sai. The only thing stopping him was Saitama being so resilient broke his willpower to get any further. Not really Saitama punching him. When he lost that willpower, he got punted and broke to pieces easily. Like his entire ideology that he does not 100% submit under of not wanting to become a true monster, was his downfall.

Just like mosquito girl mosquitoes, individual mosquitoes are pathetically weak and unnoticeable but unstopped she'd have just sucked up all the blood and kept going and suddenly unnoticed by anyone, become God level threat and sucked all life on Earth from the cumulative effect alone. Death by thousand stings is still eventual death. Underestimating threats just because it seems small at first is costly mistake, one has to evaluate threat levels from more logical perspective than that, with potential to grow as well.

(A fact this guy learned the hard way)

Saitama's presence really seems to skew the reality of what is an actual threat in OPM. The entire world relies on Saitama and his whims and him being a nice enough guy, to handle all the threats others cannot, to not blowing up the world on accident or intentionally, essentially.

A true balance breaker in perspective.

Harsh lesson to learn too late.

Relying on one person to save the world and the universe, that is and pretending Saitama's existence makes things non-threat. Saitama will "eventually" arrive and take care of everything, naturally. He can time travel, there is nothing he cannot do now right? And erase causality like nothing happened if the consequences are too severe. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.

That's what we've been led to believe in the story.

Nothing bad can have permanent consequences as long as Saitama exists in the story because Saitama solves everything.

It's only natural we'll have to subvert this expectation. ONE style. How classy.

(Genos sees the tree but not the woods, the small details, and Saitama sees the woods but not the trees, the bigger picture perspective wise.)

[snowmuttgetsweird]

Return to Yharnam!!

It's Bloodborne Season, baby!

Here's my day one progress- didn't play long, only a couple hours.

Named my character SnowMutt, decided to go for an Arcane build! Started with Noble Scion for the Arcane.

Arcane builds are most rewarding on a fresh file because bosses still have weaknesses- type advantages become less effective in NG+. Unfortunately the game doesn't really cater to a dedicated Arcane build early-game.

I won't get my first "spell" until the Abandoned Workshop, I won't get my second "spell" until the Forbidden Woods, I won't get my first DAMAGING "spell" until the Lecture Building, and I won't get my first GOOD damaging "spell" until Castle Cainhurst. Eesh.

A lot of the early-game is going to rely on Molotovs for damage, which DO scale with your Arcane. Thankfully, I know where all the good shit is, so I can also pick up an early Flamesprayer (plus Bone Marrow Ash to make it insane), grab a Fire gem that will allow one of my weapons to scale with Arcane, and I can get bagged and taken to the Unseen Village to grab a Tonitrus- all before even getting to the Abandoned Workshop! These will all carry me quite a bit through a lot of the game.

Let's go to Yharnam!

Died to the clinic Scourgebeast! Been too long I guess, lol. Picked up Threaded Cane and Pistol. Back to the clinic for round two! EZ win with a weapon, lol.

Speedran my ass to Cleric Beast to grab the Insight so I could start leveling, opening shortcuts and collecting useful stuff like Molotovs and Blood Stone Shards along the way, basically ignored everything else. Died a couple times as I started getting used to dodging again, took 'em down on the third try!

Bought some Molotovs, leveled up strength to 12 so I can equip Tonitrus later.

Went through the sewers after, picked up everything, met with Eileen- decided to replace Threaded Cane with Saw Spear, which has a much more reliable transform attack combo, meaning it does a LOT of damage, and builds a lot of Beasthood fast.

CRUSHED Gascoigne first try, gg ez. He was useful for relearning parry timing- also he TF'd late and died to a couple of my Arcane-boosted Molotovs before he could really do anything.

Cathedral Ward unlock! I always go down the side path first to grab those extra Bloodstone Shards and the Monocular, then made my way down to Old Yharnam- but not before picking up some Fire Paper from Alfred! Speedran to Djura, popped him a few times with the pistol to knock him off, exit game, continue, grab the Powderkeg Hunter Badge, you know the drill. Went through the church, hunted everything, opened the shortcut and got the Saw Spear Hunter to fall off the ladder first try. Free Bone Marrow Ash! It was about this point I realized I forgot to grab the Flamesprayer from Gilbert back at the Central Yharnam lamp, so I went back and did that after running down to Blood-Starved and opening up the shortcut. Decided to run back and spend my echoes before trying to tackle it- Blood-Starved is always a bit of a wall for me.

Actual fight went by pretty easily, but only because I cheesed it. Pungent Blood Cocktails in the corner, TF attack spammed it with Saw Spear, Fire Paper, and Beast Blood Pellet. Even with 9 skill, it went down pretty fast.

Went back and grabbed that Flamesprayer, then went and got myself killed by a Kidnapper to access The Unseen Village. Forgot to grab some Church clothes first for Adella, but I'll come back for her later- she's going to the clinic anyway. Pmuch everyone but Arianna and the granny get sent to the clinic so I can farm them for Insight and Numbing Mist. Arianna's gotta stick around for end-game, and granny's gonna gimme a bunch of free Sedatives later!

Cleaned out what's accessible of the Unseen Village- picked up Tonitrus and all the shards and armor and loot. I'll come back for Paarl later.

Aaand that's it for now!

Most of my echoes have been going into building up a stock of Molotovs and leveling. I've got my Str high enough to use Tonitrus, Arcane up to 25, and everything else is untouched for now. Saw Spear, Tonitrus, and Flamesprayer are all at +3!

Tomorrow morning, I'm planning on meeting up with Fake Iosefka, grabbing some Church gear, and collecting Adella and the granny. After that, I'm heading up the Cathedral Ward elevator to grab the Radiant Sword Hunter Badge, working my way through the alley so I can get that Fire blood gem for my Saw Spear which will be my primary PVE weapon for a while since Tonitrus has VERY low durability- at least vs Beasts and boss adds (serrated damage + fire is ideal for Beasts)- and then open up all the gates so I can meet with Eileen outside Cathedral Ward and go rek Henryk with her. Poison Daggers will be doing most of the work tbh. I'll probably try to tackle Hemwick Charnel Lane before Amelia so I can spend a little time farming Bone Marrow Ash, which will be very useful for my Flamesprayer, and should make Paarl a joke.

Basically gonna try to get as many bosses and other side content done as possible before Amelia.

I MIIIIIGHT just use the CUMMMFPK chalice dungeon to farm echoes for items (not leveling) so I can focus on just playing the rest of the game and spend more time doing co-op with other players.

I missed Bloodborne. <3

[5-pp-man]

ok i finished the anime

i rlly liked it as an addition to the franchise / alternate take on the story. it highlights some characters who never really got to do much (mostly just the exes who all originally got beaten to death) and gives them a lot more character and new dynamics to explore. they're a lot of fun! I'm happy they got to live and move on with their lives in this version, like what Scott's exes did in the og. also, one of my least fave things about the original -everyone is mean to knives- has just been completely written out? She was included in the group in the og, but it sort seemed that she kept inviting herself since nobody even liked her being there. I like how she and Stephen were friends again in this version :) and im happy she got to join the band. But in terms of character. idk she just feels really different here, since most of her story centered around Scott and he was absent for a long time, she sorta speedran the whole getting over him thing. The natural progression just wasn't there, when in the og story she said it took her a whole year, almost the duration of the whole comic. Also I really liked Envy and Kim's stories in the comic but they were barely in this :( Kim and Ramona's dynamic was one of my faves but they barely interacted here...

It just seems that Scott's whole memory suppression thing and nega-scott were gone. like completely. and it wasn't even acknowledged? which is sad because that was the thing that really got to me in the original. and ill say it. i think the whole thing with future Scott was kinda dumb. it just casually threw aside everything Scott did to become a better person, and Ramona and Scott's promise to hold onto one another. it just acted like that never happened. did he not accept nega-scott so that he wouldn't repeat his past mistakes again? where's his growth? why'd he do all that shit? idk I just find it kind of far fetched that he'd freak like that and make this whole master plan and go insane training for 10 years. it feels. out of character. I do think it was sweet of Ramona to counter his plan so he'd learn of their story anyways. Also, pet peeve, but I feel like they made Ramona a little... too cool? Like in the comic that's certainly how she came across in the beginning, but the whole point was that that was how Scott saw her. Cool and mysterious. And then he didn't bother learning more about her. That's where that whole joke about her age being a mystery came from, because Scott never asked her, but in the anime they just keep repeating it as if she doesn't want people to know how old she is...? But what I liked about Ramona in the comic was how it slowly became apparent that she was just like Scott. She ran away from everything, she wasn't put together at all. She'd rather let Scott deal with all her "evil" exes because she was still busy running from them all. In this one they showed that part but she was just sort of... missing the vibe here because they seemed too busy trying to make her perfectly capable of resolving all of it by herself. When in the og she KEPT RUNNING because she was scared of committing until the very end. And this is a v small thing but Ramona kept changing her hair colour without changing her haircut. i know that probably done to make animation easier but eh.

BUT. I really like how they played Scott Pilgrim (the song that Scott Pilgrim was based on) way at the end :) kind of bummed it wasn't for the whole end credits though

do i think it "fixes" the original story? fuck no. but was it fun? yeah, sure.

[inmyheadandthoughts]

20th December 2022

i guess i knew this would happen, but i didn’t quite prepare myself on how to react to it. I just had my first consult at the psychological clinic and the outcome was...how should i put it. I know that of course nothing conclusive would come out of just a single consultation, but to say that i’m doing well because i’m eating “well” (my psychologist’s words) and exercising (that doesn’t mean that it was beneficial) is almost a blanket statement. It’s like...yes i’m eating, because if i don’t eat people will see that i’m not eating and won’t leave me alone. And yes i am exercising on and off because that’s what people say would make you feel better but guess what, i did not feel better. So how can the conclusion be that i’m doing well? Ok, to be fair “doing well” wasn’t what she said - it was more of implied - but i don’t know if she recognises that i am not coping well and in fact, am struggling to keep my head above water everyday; this is (((maybe))) one of the reasons why i feel so exhausted, and now i am increasingly doubting that something is wrong with me. But if so why do i feel so uncomfortable? Is everyone really like this then? Constantly wanting to die but just afraid to take the next step?

In short i felt like this consult was a disaster. If i’d known it’ll be so short and it would be almost like a therapy session, i’d have prepared for it (even though she was like “no no it’s ok no need to be stressed about it”). I basically speedran my way through my problems, only for her to tell me i’m actually ok? It’s not that i want to have something wrong happen to be or am being insistent about it, it’s just...i feel very suspicious and very frustrated. I could tell that she was as well - i even told her that and apologised (why the hell did i do that lol) for being incoherent. Yeah, everything is my fault again - as i learnt from childhood. If anything i’m glad she also realised that maybe CBT on its own isn’t all that beneficial for me, and i’m glad for that. And it could be a possibility that i can’t regulate my emotions properly (?) which is kind of interesting i suppose. Maybe that’s because i mostly just stuff things down (childhood things amiright). In the end we’d just have to wait till the next session which is going to be in 2 months’ time (! public healthcare is scarily slow) The only thing i got recommended was netlifx’s Headspace and all those mindfulness things which...i’m not too sure how to feel about this. She says to watch when i’m in a neutral state, so I’d give it a try when i am in that state i guess. Although...what if that never happens. Hmmm. 

These days, i’m either on the verge of tears (if i’m not already crying my eyes out and wanting to scream), or i’m just super numb, floating in the ether-type feeling. Almost like my body is too heavy and i’m floating in this dense, sticky liquid. I just wished that i could work from home because i feel like my emotions are showing and i’m bringing bad vibes to everyone in the office. I got asked if i was ok today. What was i supposed to say? Obviously i had to say yes. If i’d said no i’d be asked the reason to why i wasn’t feeling ok, and i wouldn’t even know what to say. Plus i really, really do not want to shed a single tear in the office (this has been my workplace golden rule. Or if really needed, cry alone where nobody can see you). My creative director already spotted tears during our year-end review and that got to me more than i expected; at first i was like ‘oh shit, she could tell’, and then now it’s like ‘you dumb fucker why did you cry over nothing? Now they can see that you can’t handle even a simple thing’. YES I KNOW, negative self-talk...this just keep going in circles and i cannot find an effective way to stop it anymore. Like my psychologist said...CBT is making me realise this and too much thought-stopping might make things worse(? can’t remember if her words or mine, lol). TL;DR now...(i have lost my train of thought) maybe i’ll pick up the stuff i was recommended and give it a shot. With my naturally negative mindset i don’t think it’ll help, but i can try.

PS my headaches have not gone away since being incredibly stressed out in august and during mid/end september, it’s been going on for months and gets worse in the mornings and when i’m battling insane waves of automatic thoughts these says. I got really dizzy last friday (hence the referral) and with my mental health going down the drain i don’t think this will end any time soon.