#Stede Fookin Bonnet

[justanerd]

If only one person could say the word "fuck" for the rest of eternity, I'd have to vote for Conn O'Neill.

[stedebonnit]

Oh god oh god what if Izzy got to know Chauncey when they set up the raid, and Chauncey gave him endless fuel to feed the anti-stede fire. Told him about all the pranks, the nicknames, the flower picking and crying.

What if one day, when Stede comes back, he gets on Izzys nerves again and Izzy pulls out the "What're you gonna do about it, Baby Bonnet, go cry about it to Edward? Badminton was right, youre fookin pathetic."

Because Izzy, despite trying so hard, consistently fails to get under Stedes skin.

But i think with the right timing and ammunition from getting to know Chauncey, he might just be able to land a blow that actually does some damage to Stede.

[the-myrda-weapon]

Izzy Gothic

 - On an island, you see a wrecked ship. Its owner tricks you into a prisoner exchange by throwing rocks. You try not to think about his fine tits, and golden hair.

 - Your captain spends hours fussing with his hair and his eyeliner. “Does it look good?” he asks. It looks the same to you.

 - Bonnet now wears Edward’s leathers, and Edward wears his frilly shirt and stockings. You try and resign. You stay on the ship anyway. 

 - “Daddy, daddy,” you moan. They blink at you, baffled. You were meant to check on the rations.

 - You send the scribe boy to scrape barnacles off the ship. Fifteen minutes later you see an artfully drawn dick. 

 - He calls you “Dizzy Izzy”. How does he know?

 - How long have you sat there with rum warming your blood, rambling about stupid fookin’ Stede Bonnet? The room is hazy. Spanish Jackie regards you with a sneer that looks like pity. You try not to think about his fine tits, or golden hair. 

 - You see your captain and Bonnet on the ship, hostages of the English. You wave. Edward punches you. 

 - Your captain has you in a chokehold. There’s a desperate glint in his eyes you have never seen, but you ignore that for the blunt pleasure of his thumbs on your neck. You wake up, and swallow your toe.

[iamnot-theboynextdoor]

Predictions for OFMD s2 (I wrote this on Reddit way back in January and I think I'm still right):

I think Izzy will probably start off feeling pretty triumphant. Ed's back to normal - better than normal, he's actually living up to Blackbeard's name! It's him and Ed on top of the world, right?

Except Kraken Ed's gone full nilihism-depression now, and he doesn't give a shit about anything anymore, including Izzy himself. Izzy's expecting some sort of "wow, Izzy, you were right about everything", and gets nothing in response. Ed doesn't care if he lives or dies, Ed doesn't care if Izzy lives or dies. Everything is falling apart.

I don't think Izzy would have a "what hath I wrought" moment, he wouldn't blame himself at all, but he'd have a horrific realisation that working for Kraken Ed is now worse than working for silk-gown-pining Ed or hanging-with-Stede Ed or even treading-water Ed. And since he's the only motherfucker who does his damn job around here, he's got to fix this miserable situation by doing the most godawful thing he can imagine.

He's got to find Stede Bonnet.

Except Ed's worse than just nihilism-depression now. Ed, who loves a good main, has continued mutilating Izzy, and Izzy is not coping (not that anyone would, but it's a shock to the system to see Izzy with tears in his eyes). I've seen the picture of Izzy with a peg leg, and I'm putting my money on him getting some kind of infection and needing an amputation rather than Ed taking his whole leg off (we need to have some sympathy for Ed still).

So Izzy's still setting off to find Stede Bonnet, god help him. And, as Izzy's going to end up with a peg leg, no longer able to run after Ed and protect him anymore (or he actually does have an ounce of self-preservation still left in him and is planning to tender his fookin' resignation), and Ed's only happy with Stede around (that's a non-starter) Izzy is going to train Stede to be a real pirate/his replacement, god help him.

[thetragicallynerdy]

If I knew how to do video edits at all I would make an OFMD fan vid thing set to Sloop John B by the Beach Boys, and it would be entirely scenes of Izzy being pissed off or frustrated set to the appropriate lyrics, in particular "I wanna go home" "please let me go home" and "this is the worst trip I've ever been on" as Izzy seethes at Stede Fookin Bonnet. The song would fade out as Izzy rows away from the Revenge, as the show's audio fades back in, so it's just Izzy grunting angrily as he rows away.

Important to note that this would not be a sympathetic video, but would place emphasis on the fact that Izzy can leave anytime he wants lol

[our-flag-means-death-ao3feed]

In the deep beneath the silent waves

by DevilDears

"Life as a pirate meant counting your losses and getting on with things before the guilt caught up to you. Soon, Ed had forgotten all about the young sailor, his name and what he had looked like in life, forgotten all about those damn sharks and that horrible day really - except for one thing: For the first few minutes, the sea’s bloody surface had looked just like this.

“What the fuck happened?!” Ed screamed as he threw the silk robe off his shoulders, glad that he hadn’t bothered to fasten it in the first place. “How many sharks in the water?!”

“No sharks! ‘Twas mermaids!” Buttons screamed, nodding his head wildly and hinting at the waves. “Fookin’ mermaids teuk th’ captain! They’ll sloch him raw!”

The revenge gets attacked by eldritch mermaids, looking for vengeance. When Stede goes overboard, Ed fights like hell to save him without drowning the process.

Words: 4659, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Categories: M/M

Characters: Stede Bonnet, Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Buttons (Our Flag Means Death), mermaids - Character

Relationships: Blackbeard | Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet

Additional Tags: Mermaids, Drowning, Self-Mutilation, Self-Sacrifice, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Sharks, Self-Esteem Issues, Angst

source https://archiveofourown.org/works/42405612

[serotoninlesslesbian]

Crew: what is your gender?

Jim: Assassin

Crew: ok makes sense

[nadjaandlaszlo]

I’d like to advocate for a storyline (or even just an episode) in season 2 where Ed’s Kraken-y recklessness gets him in really deep shit so Stede and Izzy have to very unwillingly team up to save him. The entire episode is just them being snarky to each other while the other members of the crew, led by Olu, are the ones to actually mastermind the rescue.

[godd-howard-did-it-again]

[absentlurker]

i could read a 100k fic where stede just builds his own garden and just becomes that cute man in a straw hat who grows the fucking best eggplants and ed helps him sell all his veggies at a farmer’s market

[spursthatjinglejanglejingle]

Cannot stop thinking about how Stede smacks Izzy on the ass with his sword when they fight for no reason other than that he is, at his core, a theatrical bitch

[homoerotictext]

when fics say stede's eyes are blue

[mail-me-a-snail]

Now don't leave it there, just give it a chance If only I'd forget you after one last dance But you're everywhere, yes you are In every melody and in every little scar Yes you are, you are, love

anyway dyever think about how stede fookin bonnet's stupid frilly clothes look like the ocean. the song is "habibi" by tamino.

crops under the cut

[captain-flint]

(aggressive izzy voice) stede FOOKIN bonnet, do you FOOKIN take this man, to be your FOOKIN *stab* LAWFULLY *stab* WEDDED *stab* HUSBAND?

that is exactly it

and if he's imagining stede in place of the person he's violently stabbing to death then that's his business and his business alone

[doctorwenqing]

stede fookin bonnet, i fookin challenge you to a fookin duel

[june-bunny]

(Izzy Hands voice) "Stede 'Babygirl' Bonnet, I fookin challenge you to a fookin duel for Edward's fookin hand in marriage"