#THE SHIPPING FEE FOR THIS IS OUCH

[pybun]

HOLY SHIT ITS FINALLY HEEEEEEEEEERE 🥹😭🤡🥳

[kenobihater]

not me spending way too much money on trench art

[handmadehazefromtheheart]

The Re-Opening Of Handmade Hearts

It’s been an icy hot minute since I wrote a proper update, but I won’t complicate this one. The update series started with the presence of a workspace and the first shop opening; the second post was about the progress and success so far; the third was almost a year later because so much had happened, and I’d moved, and the store was on standby, and I was getting married, usw.

I’ve since not only moved countries, but I’ve also moved my main storefront from Ko-Fi to the Artisans Cooperative. (But you’ll still find patterns on Ko-Fi.) Like I have from the start, I do the math and show my work in the description of each item listing in a breakdown of the price: In bullet list form, I state the material costs, the platform fees, the time I’ve estimate I could most efficiently take to complete one of each item (which will almost always be less time than it actually took), and the wage per hour that I’m paying myself. If you add it all up, it’ll equal the price in the listing — minus a tax based on your area that the marketplace adds automatically.

There are six fixed shipping prices based on size and location, with the least expensive being within Germany and the most expensive being anywhere outside the EU. I’ve got two different sizes of box, but I really should get me some envelopes and offer a cheaper no-tracking alternative for certain (very small, mostly not-yet-existing) items.

Here are the listings so far!

(Photography by @ablondpanda)

I’ve done the math, and I have made just shy of 370€ in earnings in the time I’ve had Handmade Hearts open. I haven’t been able to work since 2019, so that’s 370€ in earnings within the last five years.

Ouch…

Ouch…?

Well, I have chronic depression, but I’ve managed to carve myself into an optimist; I’ve not had the chance to really grow yet as an indie seller, so having earned anything — not operated at a loss (at least within business expenses; general life expenses is another beast) — is a bright shining star to me.

My parter and I are waiting on job applications and government assistence. In the meantime, I’m hoping to gain more eyes and start making at least one sale every month in the middle and/or latter half of 2024.

I’ve yet to sell anything through the new storefront, so I’m trying to get more eyes on it. I’m considering opening a secondary storefront with Products With Love, a Germany-specific handmade marketplace, to get more eyes that won’t have to pay more than seven euros on shipping for any given thing.

Shipping is, unfortunately, not something I can do for free. To take a moment for personal politics: I really think mail should be one of those things governments work together to pay for and make free on the most basic level, like public infrustructure, roads and such. It shouldn’t cost $24 for me to send you a snake shaped neck pillow if you’re in the US.

That said, it does cost me 23€ (which is $24.53 as of writing this) to send you a snake shaped neck pillow right now. I want to emphasize that because it’s so common when shopping online to find something “underpriced” whose shipping is blown way up for profits, and I think sometimes it’s become habitual to assume that’s the case when shipping is over what Amazon would consider normal.

Another thing people do is including the shipping price within the price of the item to artificially remove shipping costs. That’s something I don’t do because A) I like transparency, and B) that would increase the platform fees you have to pay, increasing the overall price for no reason.

Ultimately, I hope that the way I do things helps people be more mindful of why things cost what they do.

To close out...

In preparation for posting this update, I’ve uploaded my tenth listing on the Artisans Cooperative marketplace. For my trans siblings, and for the pedants who have noticed that none of my wares have hearts on them:

[gascon-en-exil]

And now for something only I care about. Diarmuid jumped up a whopping 75 places this year - he made it out of the bottom 200!

...Granted that he actually received twelve fewer votes this year, but everyone's saying that turnout was unusually low this time so that's to be expected.

As for whether this will actually mean anything, let's take a look at how Diarmuid measured up to the other Jugdral characters who aren't currently in Heroes.

First, here's the characters from FE4 who outdid him:

Patty (120th)

Oifey (214th)

Coirpre (226th)

Arion (227th)

Fee (249th)

Dew (251st)

Lana (257th)

Edain and Febail (272nd)

Chulainn (274th)

Naoise (296th)

Midir (301st)

Laylea (333rd)

Beowolf (334th)

Ouch. Some of those are expected, but losing to a substitute character and to his own sort-of-canon-in-FE5 father (who isn't particularly well-liked in fandom owing to his place in an early shipping war) stings. Diarmuid is going to be battling a fair number of more popular picks to show up on a Gen 2 banner...and some that are apparently more popular than I thought. Coirpre and Febail, really?

Now, FE5:

Linoan (215th)

Machyua (262nd)

Marty (271st)

Misha (281st)

Amalda (314th)

Fergus and Homer (321st)

Lara and Shannam (334th)

Safy (335th)

Carrion (337th)

A clearer field, especially since none of them broke the top 200 and more than half of these characters have waifu factor going for them. I'm not surprised that Fergus came out better - much more availability and more of a standout unit - but I doubt IS would stick them on the same banner despite the familial connection.

*sighs* It looks like it may be another year or two before House Nordion is all together in FEH.

[dollsonmain]

Man, yen is really bad now. 35000Y = $260.

Kind of wish I’d waited on buying Haruka instead of buying her when the yen was the strongest it’s been in a while (still reeling over the 14000Y shipping fee ouch, but I do always make the wrong decision), but at the same time, that feels kind of gross.

I mean, yeah I want to keep enjoying my hobbies and very much wish they were more affordable all around, and getting a good deal is great, but a nation-wide financial crisis being the only way that happens is scary.

[lizardtaro]

My Q-Taro Collection

Since I’m such a big fan of Q-Taro The Ghost, I have collected some items related to the adorable ghost. Merchandise is non-existent where I live, so getting those items was no easy task!

First off, the cups. These aren’t official though. I just let a company print my design on them. They are quite well-made! I also have one at work. I drink lots of tea and coffee, so designing a cup with my favorite characters on it was only natural.

Next up is a handkerchief, imported from Thailand. The English is quite “Engrish” here (”Let’s play game!”), but it’s good enough to understand. Looks like some kind of board game.

Another handkerchief. Somebody drew something on it with a marker. It wasn’t me.

Another one with lots of small images of Q-Taro.

This one’s my favorite because of the Engrish. It is claimed here that Q-Taro is a “nice gay”. Yes. It literally says “gay” here instead of “guy”. So there you have it! Q-Taro is gay confirmed!!! (He apparently has a girlfriend in the series, but I haven’t watched so far yet)

He is a nice gay indeed.

Next up is a Q-Taro plush, imported from Japan. Since Japan does not send to Germany anymore, I had to ask my buddy Dario from Switzerland to buy it for me. So I paid twice for shipping and twice for import fees. Ouch. But if you really want something, you gotta pursue it.

Another one, but smaller. Meant for hanging it on the mirror inside your car, I assume.

The thickest plushy. Seems to be very old, and squeaks if you squeeze it, which makes it 100% more adorable!! His hair got messed up inside the washing machine, and he was literally a wet ball. Even after carefully drying it, I have the feeling that he still looks somewhat bloated, lmao.

I also have two Q-Taro T-Shirt’s (not official, I had to print them), but I’m too lazy to get them out now, lol.

That’s it for now as getting more merchandise would be excruciatingly expensive. Just getting those three plush toys here was expensive enough. Most stuff is old as shit anyway, since Q-Taro peaked in the 80s and he’s been dead since then. Outside of Japan, hardly anyone knows him. I really hope he gets a new cartoon or anime, and that it will be localized.

[uswnt5]

So I bought the cp23 shorts yesterday and then I bought the white cp23 season 1 shirt. The shirt immediately shipped but the shorts are still being prepared 🧐

maybe they're coming from different locations, or I bet friday morning the warehouse was still working and then later in the day they weren't so monday it'll ship? Ouch on the two shipping fees haha

[pmiller1]

What do you guys think of Rindo & Shoka and Neku & Shiki relationship?

Fret: Oh A total cute couples those guys.

Nagi: I shipped them, indeed.

Beat: Yeah, Rindo and Kitty girl is something, And really, I'm glad that Phones and Shiki get be partner again.

Rhyme: Same here, Neku and Shiki needed it after 3 year apart.

Fret: Yeah, my little Rindude is gonna Score.

Nagi: I wouldn't say that Lord Rindo and Lady Shoka are at the base level of intimacy. Lord Neku and Lady Shiki on the other hand.

Rhyme: Wouldn't suspired me if Neku and Shiki did made out.

Beat: Man, never cross me that two could be funking.

Fret: But I sure you happy that your pal is gonna get his girl.

Beat: Damn right Fret. Phones been liking Shiki when we all was still in the Game. Dude don't ending up having there partner as there next fee without loving them.

Fret: Well I glad Rindo get to be someone that matter for him. Really proved of him...

Nagi: Take you had no luck on your end.

Fret: Well there some people that got me there, but most of them end up in due.

Rhyme: Suspired that you haven't got the date yourself Fret, with how charming you can be.

Nagi: Well, wouldn't call a creature of darkness, charming.

Fret: Ouch! No need to beat me up like that girl.

Nagi: I'm just starting the fact that most girl wouldn't be into something who putting up a front, a false mask.

Rhyme: She does had a point, no one like it when someone is just putting up a act. Just to impress them.

Fret: Yeah, but even still, I can't fine anyone that met up the like of Kanon.

Beat: Yeah, but she didn't started to like when you was being gem-o-ling?

Fret: Hah? Gem-o-what?

Rhyme: Genuine. I think he that he meant. Like did she told you that she was charm with your Genuinity?

Fret: Yeah, Good point there. Really should act like myself.

Fret: But really, I can't help it, I been like this for two year now, I can't just switch back to being my Genuine old self.

Fret: And beside... that one time I been Genuine to my old pal... it hard to forget...

Nagi: I do not think you could had done anything to prevent that Lord Tosai.

Rhyme: Really, it not your fault that it happen.

Fret: Thank you guys.

Fret: Now if you guys excused me I need to alone time.

---

Beat: Man, poor guy.

Rhyme: I know, I feel really sorry for him.

Nagi: Me too. I just wish I could build up the courage to tell him that I'll be there for him.

Rhyme: Wait, Nagi, do you like Fret?

Nagi: Of course I do, mind you, the affection of Lord Tosai is far different to what I had with Lord Tomonami. But it is one type of love.

Rhyme: Oh I didn't know that. Thought I was the only one in our gropes that think he was lovely.

Nagi: Nor was I, Lady Raimu.

Beat: Wait, are you guys saying that you're in love with Fret?!

Nagi: Apparently so.

Rhyme: But I think let you had this Lady Nagi, you been with him in the game, you technically his partner.

Nagi: Nono, You seem like the perfect person for him, Lady Raimu. He does had a Positive reaction when he saw you.

Rhyme: Yeah. but you older then us and I think he into older lady.

Nagi: He could fit in well being the brother-in-law of Lord Beat.

Beat: Yo! Let me out of that.

Nagi: But really, are you okay with Lord Tosai dating your sister?

Beat: Well sure. He a alright guys, just as long Rhyme like him and he'd treat her well, them I down for being my bro-law.

Rhyme: But really Nagi, I'm okay if you and Fret started dating. I can find another guy. And even then I'm not too ready for a relationship myself.

Nagi: Then we at a stalemate. I too not ready for relationship. That when it mean I have brake up with Lord Tomonami.

Rhyme: It seem so...

Beat: Wait, wouldn't had brake up with him if you end up dating Fret.

Nagi: He already said that he's main character is in relationship with Lord Tomonami.

Beat: But he not...

Rhyme: Let her had this Beat.

[thorn-amidst-roses]

OOF, I was thinking I’d get a Dollfie Dream Choice boy with the money from the sales...

But since you have to go through a middleman and they have fees, plus the current rate of shipping, it goes from like $633 to $910

:(

I mean secondhand boy bodies are still like $1200 and I want one in tan, which isn’t a thing outside of Dream Choice...but...OUCH?

[ikemensengokufandom]

Tempted to open a pre-order but nah some people are salty for people pointing fingers at her ridiculous pricing and probably will use another dupe account to question people again 😂 fake china person, but really a fragile heart like them, lmfao ouch

So sorry guys, perhaps I will just order this along with my friends once it comes out online.

You know the things we do for our 2D guys... I'm die hard for paying appropriate proxy fees+shipping for exclusive event items unlike someone hmm... Kinda reminds me of how I got scammed pretty bad for ordering items with a certain bitch from taobao back when I was a college student.

Alas, I apologise for being salty again. Let's move on shall we? 💕

[captorcorp]

here i am... buying more weeb crap from japan ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[ober-affen-geil]

My Roswell Rewatch liveblog

Episode 2x03 AKA Things Blow Up In People’s Faces Literally and Figuratively

would definitely like to learn more about what exactly makes up the ship

also why are they shiny? like skin wise. is that something to do with the environment of the ship?

and what are their necklaces?  is that significant?

“WOAH” YEAH ALEX THATS ONE REACTION TO WALKING IN ON MICHAEL FISTING A POD LMAO

the infamous sup bro hahahaha

CAMMMMMM

the tobasco ahahahaha love the reference

SANDERS

omg i love this scene they’re so cute

isobel i would fee

l bad for you but you keep walking in on this shit so really this is your own fault

ugh siblings i die

noooo rosa nooooo

yessssss

STARSHIP TROOPERS is actually a really great commentary scifi film. shit movie but great commentary

ohhhh figment!max yes. love how they put him in the exact outfit he was in the picture

“for weeks” HOW MANY WEEKS PLEASE TELL

“excuse me i need to go vomit” that shouldnt be funny

YES CAM AND MICHAEL BANTER YAS

oh ouch. i do wish michael had been able to tell EITHER of the people he was involved with himself but. there it is

UGH MARIA I DIE

oh THATS the other scene of alex stowing his cover

big fan of the dynamic between cam and liz

also liz why do you have wine in the lab. CAM WHY DO YOU HAVE WHISKEY IN THE CAR

alex you are not subtle tbh you’re lucky he’s on morphine (not that he’s not aware apparently)

LOL DAMN RIGHT HE WAS NEVER THE SAME

poor rosa

yes it is very obvious that cam’s bottle is still full and liz’s is half empty haha

i thought it was established already that rosa was bipolar? like, in the pilot?

also a fan of how she asks him questions and he never actually answers for himself because of course “he” can’t, this was very well written imo

nooooooo poor maria

but also rosa here is honestly great

also damn michelle vicious

POOR LIZ

HER FACE LMAO

isobel is fucking great

“blaming michael for so long” i love the sibling shit here

“keep reaching for you” FUCK my HEART

i wanted MORE from this scene its AMAZING go off heather

that blanket looks so cozy

and this scene is so important its excellent

michael is making you stronger lol

“taller than me” AHAHAHAHA

“different kinds of dumb too” love them

THANK YOU CAM I WAS SO MAD ABOUT THAT IRRESPONSIBILTY

is there like, a class about exactly how to dramatically stab people in the chest with large needles?

mostly. mostly dead alien twin

UGH MARIA AGAIN

this scene is so great but i would have LOVED TO SEE MORE OF BEFORE

and that she loves them enough to make sure liz can take care of rosa i cry

SUP BRO

so we have fire, tk, sonic scream (how do they have sonic scream and not music wtf), cell manipulation, mental manipulation...fun times

“you know a mother fighting for her baby when you see one” FUCK. ME. UP.

UGH PAIN

nooooo rosa baby 

would have loved to see like a montage of michaels research for completely self indulgent reasons

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[noctzine]

April is here, everyone! We hope everyone is doing well (and recovering from Episode Ardyn, ouch)

Important info for all orders and an update on the extras sale!

If you have not received your zine by APRIL 10TH, please contact us! Be sure to check your provided tracking number before you do!

If your order is at customs, fees are the buyer's responsibility to get it released! If it is returned, we will process a refund, excluding shipping cost.

We plan to have our extras go live on APRIL 15TH! We'll have a more detailed post about this as we move past our April 10th grace date for preorders having arrived.

(Our last shipment of preorders was shipped March 16th, so we did decide to wait a bit longer for our sale.)

We can say:

There will be a limited amount of full bundles! (less than 10)

Zine only is limited too! (less than 10)

Seconds zines! (20 plus)

Stretch goals will sold separately, in limited quantities!

All merch outside of bundles will be roughly con price!

And, of course, once our stock is sold out, they're gone!

ALSO: PayPal will be an accepted payment method this time!

Final details estimated around the 12th, so keep your eyes peeled! This will be your last chance to grab a copy of the zine or merch! 😊

[just-breathe-fight-cf]

Mermish

‘What is Mermish?’

   The Language of the Merfolk, often called either Aquan or Mermish, is both complex and simple all at once. It is incredibly subtle, and to the observer, seems limited and simplistic in its nature. To human ears, our language sounds like waves of the shore, dolphins chirruping and even whale sounds. The truth of old Mermish is that it is an expressive language that goes beyond the Mer palate and lungs. The language is of rhythm and song. Verse and poem. Spoken to illuminate anyone who hears it to seek and join our peoples while washing away the egos and creating a new Mer-Soul through trill.

‘Literacy through History’

   Because we possess a dual breathing system, those that permit both the flow of air and of water can speak True Mermish. And because of the nature of the medium we live in, out vocal range and volume far surpasses anything that would be heard on land. The language is reflective of that; heavily tonal, with much of the meaning conveyed in the sound rather that the word itself. To understand this, True Mermish isn’t about words, it is about the meaning of song and joining in the harmony.

   About 1000 years ago, Humans began to cross the seas and brought with them their own songs and language and we tried to communicate our songs to them with devastating results! Those who listened eventually transformed into Merhuman or simplistic as Merman and the women, Mermaid. They joined our people and lived along side of us…but sadness caused them to seek out their own kind and we learned to silence the song and develop a written language alongside of a verbal one which was as powerful as Old Mermish. We lived close to the surface of the water, near actively literate communities…in major harbors and ports of call. We listened and written medium for all of merfolk society to learn. We preferred picture to word and preferred songs to pictures…nevertheless, we drew what we could understand and were dedicated to understand Humans and merge with them and bring them into our society.

   The Merfolk related to symbology and merged True Mermish to Second Order Mermish to create Third Order Mermish that we use to talk to humans on their ships at sea and to their ports and streams. We sang our songs as gifts to them and created a whole new species in the process…humans were frighten of the sea, but our songs made them move to it, swim in it and live in it…and love it! Not a human on Earth is not affected by the sound of rolling waves, or the melody of falling rain or the ebbs of the current’s pulse. They all have become in-between, slowly changing not of the body, but of the mind and the spiritual plane.

   Mermish sentences tend to be vague when spoken and the same word used may not be used again if it does not carry the appropriate emotional power. When speaking in terms of direction, me must always point. When speaking of the present, past, or future, we can only refer to the phases of the current moon, and seem to have no memory of the past further than that. We have no concept of money, morals or logic in our language. Mermish has no individual ‘I’ either as Mers are a family (Pod) and always refer to themselves as ‘We’ or ‘Us’. Things simply are and opinion of others don’t phase them.

True Mermish

   True, Old or Genuine Mermish, is a primarily-whistled and sung language which carries for long distances underwater and is almost un-reproducible in the human mouth. However, merfolk being the curious mimics which they are, have taken up many human words and integrated them for speech with the sailors, fishermen and beach-walker whom they often encounter during gatherings, transformations and adding to the Collective. Merfolk use long whistling melodic phrases which can be represented in human’s transliteration by hyphenated sentences, the hyphen (drawn as a wave form to signify the Mermish Tongue) is placed between separate words where they can be distinguished as individual comments.

   True Mermish is sometimes difficult to separate from emotion and behavior of the speaker as they are blended into the song the Mer sings. For example, a Mer speaking in True Mermish might give a sharp dual cough (Uk~Uk) and this could mean ‘No’ as in a command or as a feeling depending on the amount of trilling they do in-between.

   To learn how to speak True Mermish is pretty simple as long as you don’t over complicate the process. Using the knowledge of the human alphabet that the Mer’s adopted (as art is there way of words, but difficult to make universal around the world) they only spoke in vowels and melodic sounds:

BEHAVIOR VOWELS: A = aa, E = ee I = ii O =oo U and Y

EMOTION SOUNDS: Ih = ih, Ae =ae, Uu = uu, Sh = sh

MERMISH SONG: Pa, Whoosh, Ba, Ooww, Drr-drr, Www-ooo, Hummm

   These were the common roots of True Mermish when they spoke, with the Vowels being behavior and the Sounds being the trill emotion that connects the behavior into a melodic song.

When pronouncing the Vowels:

‘aa’ sounds like ‘~ah~’,

‘ee’ sound like ‘~eh~’,

‘ii’ sounds like ‘~ee~’

‘oo’ sounds like ‘~ooh~’

‘u’ sounds like ‘~ou~’

‘y’ sounds like ‘~eee~’

When pronouncing the Sounds:

‘ih’ sounds like ‘~uh~’

‘ae’ sounds like ‘~aye~’

‘uu’ sounds like ‘~you~’

‘sh’ sound like ‘~shhh~’

When pronouncing the Song:

‘pa’ sounding like ‘~pah~’ (Dripping Water And Light Rain)

‘whoosh’ sounding like ‘~wa~shhh~’ (Sound Of The Waves)

‘ba’ sounds like ‘~baaa~’ (Sound Of Underwater Bubbles)

‘Ooww’ sounds like ‘~oou~’ (Sound Of Whales)

‘Drr-drr’ sound like two clicks (Drips and Dolphin Talk)

‘Www-ooo’ sound like a descending high pitch whistle (Dolphin Talk)

‘Hummm’ sound like high pitch humming (Mermaid Talk)

Second & Third Order Mermish

   Trying to communicate, Mers would linger close to the boats and sea towns to see what words humans used to describe who they were, what am item was and their environment they lived in. Mer’s broke up the language in drawings and letters as they began to write in human tongue with Mermish trills. True Mermish only relied on the song, but people above water could not hear it underwater unless extra letters began to carry the notes in the range of 20,000 hertz that Human’s could hear and elevated the tones higher to mix with their auras creating ‘Siren Song’ that sailors feared.

   As seen in True Mermish, the Second Order of Mermish still contains many words for feeling and emotions they have for water. Listening too long to these words will cause other Mers and Humans to grow sympathetic for water and fall in the harmony of fluid. To understand, water is life, water is home, water is everywhere and epitomizes the daily life of the Mer.

   We as Mers are keen observers of sensation and emotion alike and appear to have therefore a wide variety of adjectives for all types of colors, sounds, textures, touch, temperatures and taste…many of which have been forgotten over time. Merfolk emotions change rapidly like the sea, and it is hard to quickly document the wide range we go through; especially since some resonate on levels we do not comprehend. Often body language accompanies the translation for easier interpretation of a Mer’s behavior.

   Those that live above the sea need to remember that we can only relate well to things beneath the sea. If we speak of things, it is usually from that perspective. For example, a Mer might finds it confusing if someone asks whether they mean ’above’ or ’below’ the surface, and can only point when asked about other directions. However, they do have words for ‘up’, ‘down’, and ‘ahead’, used in swimming and fin positioning, but not for cardinal direction.

Below is a list of known Second Order Mermish:

Ahead (Swimming Command) - Chi (Chai)

Alcohol - Kiini-beeah

Alive - Hnguloo

Amused (Calmness) - Daahuu

Anger (Describing Behavior/Emotion) - Gahfooruu

Are - Bi

Bad (Ancient Mer’s Struggle With This Word) - Bett

Beneath (Below - Submerge) - Ghaajii

Bored (Restless) Affehoo (Ah-feh-oo)

Bright (Very Hot) - Kiini

Bubble - Baabah

Change - Mhaawhoo

Cheerful (Similar to ‘ffewuu’, but calm) - Hwuu

City - Paaepooh-paash

Confidence (Describing Behavior/Emotions Of Sureness) - Dehooffa

Cold - Jiiii

Cold (True Mermish) - Yeeni

Color - Koohur

Coral (Dead) - Meessuk

Coral (Living) - Messuloo

Crab - Kraah

Dancer (With Tail or Legs) - Daashu

Dead - Hngukk

Depression - Huumuu

Desert - Toh-chii

Determination - Heehii

Dolphin - Ffeechuvo

Dolphin Mermaid - Ukuk-ffeechuvo

Down - Mmawtt

Dragon - Deeragoh

Dried Up - Uuniigo

Earth - Vvundra

Excited - Ffuuhii

Family - Faaraarii

Fear (Behavior/Emotion) - Uuriigo

Feeling (Emotion - Attitude) - Llii

Female (Woman - She - Her -Hers) - Lla

Fin - Feen

Fish - Fees

Fish Eggs (To Spawn - Caviar - Mate) - Bllusu

Food (Edible Plant Or Lower Life Form) - Yyt (yeet)

Forest (Tree - Kelp) - Aah-teeree (Ahh-ter-ree)

Freshwater (Ancient Mer’s Could Not Tolerate For Long) - Bett-wuutaah

Freshwater (True Mermish) - P’chaaoo

Froth (Sea Foam - Small Bubbles) - Apupua

Frustration (Behavioral/Emotional) - Shaahii

Goddess Of The Sea (High Spirit) - Bavverissi Baveras

Good (Ancient Mers Don’t Understand This Word) - Ghood

Good Bye - Jai-quay’

Happy (Playful - Fidgety) - Ffewuu

Hard - Haarduuh

Has - Bi

Have - Bi

Healthy (Well) - Haaih (hay-uh) (Sounds like a sigh)

Heart - Hhu-hng

Hello - O-kee’-ya

Hot (Temperature) - Hhu-huu (Pronounced as two sharp pants of breath)

Hot (Taste) - Jeech

Human - Hyuuman

Hungry (For Food) - Hnn-kii

Hunger (Lust - Hunting) - Chuun

Hungry (Wanting Food - Wanting Sex - Wanting Attention) - Oowii

Hurts (Ouch) - Ah-ee (Ahh-ee)

Ice - Ttheeni

In (Covered - Surrounded By - To Be Inside) - Woolbul

Is (To Be - To Have - To Be With) - Bi

Is Not (Without Existence) - Oosoyyo

It - Lle (lay)

It (Pronoun For Any Inanimate Object Or Thing) - Uhff

It & Its (Person) - Llo

Jealousy (Describing Behavior/Emotion) - Gahooraa

Knowing Not (Don’t Know - Don’t Have - Isn’t) - Oosoyyo

Land - Lleehada

Love (Similar to ‘paaffoo’, but more intense) - Taafoowii

Male (Man - He -Him - His) - Lli (lee)

Many - Ss (Sounds like a hiss)

Many (True Mermish - Typically added to Nouns and Pronouns) - Uk-uk

Merfolk (Merperson) - Baovveche

Moon - Ttheeni

Nervousness (Flailing of Limbs and Tail In Water) - Fffeechii

No - Toh

No (True Mermish) - Ungh (quick grunt)

Our (Ours) - Ffa

Oyster - Mchuuk

Person (Mermaids) - Ffuegane

People (Humans) - Paaepoohss

Playful (Jumping - Twirling - Splashing) - Chahho

Rage (Describing Behavior/Emotion) - Gahuuii

Rain (Heavy) - Aagiaag (Ahh-jaag)

Rain (Drops) - Aagii (Ahh-ga)

Reflection - Kiinaagii

Ripple - Ffuen

Roar - Rroo-er

Rock (Platform) - Ciipaa

Rock (Stone) - Hurriff

Rock Shelf Underwater - Wwiigoo

Rocky (Irregular Seafloor) - Ghoontuh

Sad - Dehffoo

Sand (Grains) - Saahd

Sandy (Smooth Seafloor) - Ffehpaah

Sandy (Lots of Sea-weed) - Haarii

Scale - Scaahoo

Sea - Chii (Chee)

Sea-Dragon - Feenhoom

Sea-Horse - Chuu-ffeenii

Sea-Weed - Cheehuuii

Seal - Cheeoo

Shallows - Kiinaa

Ship - Ssheep

Sick - Huu-iik (Sound of vomiting)

Silver - Shaavoh

Somber (Lazy - Blank Expression - Seclusion) - Haanii

Storm - Ssturm

Sulkiness (Refuse To Swim) - Sshuurii

Sun (Fire) - Echrassa

Surprise (Describing Behavior/Emotions) - Liiffoo

Thirsty - Hss-tii

Tide - Taahi

Tide (The Movement - Sound - Smell - Sight of the Tide) - Cuua

Tired (Slow) - Sshiiji

Touching (Playfulness - Staring) - Paaffoo

Transgender - Llo

Unknown (Describing Behavior/Emotions Of Anger) - Dehiifaa

Up - Hekk

Us - Ffa

Volcano - Echundra

Water (Evenly Cool in Temperature - Atlantic) - Ruutaroo

Water (Evenly Warm - Tropical) - Meetamaa

Water (Good To Breed In) - Caatuu

Water (Hard Currents - Disturbed or Troubled by Weather) - Chaachiioh

Water (Optimum For Mers) - Saahem

Water (Polluted) - Assuuh (Ahh-sue)

Water (Pretty or Attractive (Also used to label a mermaid)) - Maakeeffaa

Water (Rich In Fish) - Eenii

Water (Surface Cool, Colder Beneath, Barely Tolerable - Arctic) - Sooroo

Water (Surface Cool, Luke-Warm Currents - South Pacific) - Ruunii

Water (Too Cold) - Fuuacho

Water (Traveling Depth) - Tehmoo

Water (Troubled or Churned by Fish) - Feenwaa

Water (Warm on the Surface, Cool Beneath - Lake Water) - Maaroo

Water (Warm on the Surface, Ice Cold Beneath - North Pacific) - Maasoo

Water (Wave - Home - Fluid) - Alassi (Ah-la-see)

Wave (Curl or Tunnel) - Ccuuoo

Wave (Sharp Peaked Wave That Collapses In The Ocean Before Shore) - Sshuuka

Wave (Single Breaker Of Water) - Huuaae

We (Also Used For I) - Ffa

Whale (Mers Refuse To Name Them Although) - Huaool

Whirlpool - Llinoo

Without (Not Existing - Not Having - Not Knowing) - Oosoyyo

Wind - Hhoole

With (Together - Possessing) - Bi

Yes - Eeas

Yes (True Mer) - Heh (quick grunt)

1900 Altered Words For 3rd Order Mermish

Beachcomber - Anit (AH-neet)

Want - Antorum (AHN-toe-rume)

You - Dal (DOLL)

Am/Is/Are - Em (EM)

Low Tide - Fan (FAHN)

High Tide - Fimra dom (FEEM-rah-DOME)

Help - Fimra tre (FEEM-rah-TRAY)

Male - Fre (FRAY)

Swim - Hredenu (HRED-eh-noo)

Was/Were - Hron (HRONE)

Female - Ifen (EE-fen)

Many - Kesseni (KESS-seh-ni)

Here - Kila (KEE-lah)

Far Away - Li (LEE)

See - Luron (LOO-rone)

Someone Who Would Fail To See A Mermaid Right In Front Of His Face -Lusa (LOO-sah)

Love - Mortum (MOR-tume)

Storm - Nulma (NOOL-mah)

There - Ohora (O-ho-rah)

Mermaid - Olo (O-lo)

Friends Of Mermaids - Sessa (SESS-sah)

Human - Sesmuna (SESS-moo-nah)

Curious But Harmless Person - Setanim (SEH-tah-neem)

Curious And Dangerous Person - Setannor (SEH-tahn-nor)

Sailor - Setantreya (SEH-tahn-TRAY-yah)

Wave - Setsur (SET-soor)

Hello - Suron (SOO-rone)

I - Tala (TAH-lah)

Beach - To (TOE)

Ship - Torm (TORM)

I Mean No Harm-I Am A Friend - Tritse (TREET-say)

I Am In Love With A Human - To hisna rendi-to fan sesmuna

I Am In Love With A Mermaid - To fan in nulma with a setanim

Fourth Order Mermish

   Almost 2000 years later, in the decade of 2000, the Fourth Order of Mermish was devise by Kristin when she was under the spell of Mermish that gave her the full abilities of the Mermish language and used those abilities to elevate her lover, Katara to becoming Mermish like herself. Frightened, she and Katara left Spirit Lake and tried to ignore the song that was calling them back to the water. Kristin spoke Second Order Mermish to Steven, Bobby and Ryan at Holiday and altered their brains with the song as they crazed to hear more of it. With a glimpse into the future, Kristin saw the death of everyone if she did not give in to the song and made the sacrifice by writing all the words of Second and Third Order Mermish for the camp to learn…this opened her brain to True Mermish as it began to take over her brain as she was having identity issues.

   Loowit saved her from her fate and gave her the ability to control the energy however, that brief exposure to True Mermish was enough to damage Kristin’s identity as she struggles with a few basic human words and self identity, speaking in the terms of we or us and her sense of direction unusable to others besides herself. She blocked out the Mermish for a few days until the combine emotional energy release made the song unbearable and she was knocked out and was conditioned like the rest of the campers.

   Days later, Kristin began to write the rules of the Fourth Order of Mermish and how to write and speak the language that would become to capstone of speaking while underwater; however, having evolved beyond True Mermish, she can speak telepathically in normal English without the limitations Mermish gave to her.

RULE ONE - 4th Order Mermish is any Human word with the Mermish tongue trilling all the vowels in a fluid rhythm.

RULE TWO - All vowels are double except for words that begin with a vowel and will be written with an extended trill.

Example: ENGLISH ‘My Love Is The Sea’ translated into MERMISH ‘My Loovee Iiis Thee Seeaa.’ The only vowels that do not double are the letters: U & Y.

RULE THREE - Speaking Mermish in the 4th Order while underwater with the same sentence is to remove all 20,000 hertz letters leaving only the vowels. We add hyphen’s to the sentence to carry out the words in rhythm:

ENGLISH ‘My Love Is The Sea’ translated into 4th ORDER MERMISH ‘My Loovee Iiis Thee Seeaa’ translated into MERMISH ‘y~ooee~iii~ee~eeaa’.

RULE FOUR - Speaking Mermish in the 4th Order while underwater with the same sentence, removing all 20,000 hertz letters leaving only the vowels and adding emotion sounds. The emotional trills are (ih, ae, uu, sh) and are connected to the matching letters before a trill.

For example: ‘y~ooee~iii~ee~eeaa’ would turn into ‘y~ooee~(IH)’iii’(IH)~ee~eeaa’(AE)(SH) with the letters SH always at the end.

ENGLISH ‘My Love Is The Sea’ translated into 4th ORDER MERMISH ‘My Loovee Iiis Thee Seeaa’ translated into MERMISH ‘y~ooee~iii~ee~eeaa’ translated into EMOTIONAL MERMISH ‘y~ooee~ih’iii’ih~ee~eeaa’aesh’

RULE FIVE - Speaking Mermish in the 4th Order while underwater with the sane sentence, removing all 20,000 hertz letters leaving only the vowels, adding emotion sounds and now song sounds. This is the hardest part of Mermish to learn and equally hard to speak! We work with the most common song letters (Pa, Whoosh, Ba, Ooww, Drr-drr, Www-ooo, Hummm) and typically only one song is picked per conversation in regard to the oceans conditions or with there are other Mers around. Typically when Kristin sings, her trade sounds that identify her is huming…the easiest a Mer can do. All of hyphenated ares are filled with trill and would look like this: ‘hmm’y’hmm’ooee’hmm’ih’iii’ih’hmm’ee’hum’eeaa’aesh’hmm’ and can repeat over and over until her message is delivered. If another Mer joins the song, Kristin would drop Rule 1 through 4 and just trill with alternating ‘hums’.

It isn’t uncommon if the message is long to change the song to signify a break in the sentence. And example of this would be:

‘hmm’y’hmm’ooee’hmm’ih’iii’ih’hmm’ee’hum’eeaa’aesh’hmm’hmm’hum’ooww’y’ooww’ooee’ooww’ih’iii’ih’ooww’ee’ooww’eeaa’aesh’ooww’

   And if you have a whole pod of Mers all signing, you can have an idea of the solo turning into a harmony. This is why Mer’s prefer to keep their conversations to a minimum.

(Had To Re-up This Post Due To Being Flagged For Image Due To New Rules)

[alloftimeandspacetosee]

Po Town Rumble

This was also possibly a request for my co-writer, who uh. rly likes Guzma lmao.

 and yet this is the only thing she’s actually asked me to write and finish haha

 well, she asked for the fight with Guzma, and I filled in around it

~

The docking laws had changed since they were last in Alola. Jay left the offices with a sigh, running a hand back through her hair.

Brith pushed off from the wall and joined her, a pace or so behind, as they walked back towards the ship. “That seemed long.”

“Yeah.” Jay shrugged. “’Parently there was trouble last year?” She wrinkled her nose and shrugged. “Which means more forms and checks but thankfully no more money.”

Their ship is obvious in the harbour, the only one of its kind; the others are big pleasure cruisers, the smaller inter-island ferries, a couple of pleasure craft, and one or two of the Poni island Travellers.

Not only that, but there’s a crowd hovering about its plank, where fire and ice dance in the air, indiscriminately laced with bursts of brighter electricity.

“Well, if she’s been making money, she could pay any extra fees.” Brith grinned.

Jay laughed as she shouldered her way in, walking straight through the illusion with barely a blink.

“C’mon, Blue!” Soise, perched up on the railing, sighed dramatically. “Rude.”

“You’re supposed to be going with the twins to see their friends.”

“They’re old enough.”

“They tied you up.” Brith caught up Soise’s paw as the zoroark tried to hide it, showing the frayed rope to Jay. “How long did that take you to get out of?”

Soise pulled her paw back and dropped down from her perch. The illusion before the plank disappeared in an instant. “Rude.”

Jay ignored the two pokemon and glanced around to see who was still there.

Jayden had gone straight on – a lecture on the orocorio or something in the library, part of a week-long series – and the crew had been given time off.

So mostly just her pokémon, lounging about in the sun.

“Well, if you’re no with them, you’re coming to the market with us.” Jay turned to them again. “Extra paws and all.”

“We can–” Brith started.

“Mam! Maaaaam!”

Jay whirled and looked back along the pier, left hand half clenching into a fist as water pooled, ready to form ice.

Arlette was in front, pelting along the jetty towards them, jinking in and out of the crowd. Aurora wasn’t too far behind her, dragging along one of their friends… Onni, Jay thought, but really she hadn’t met them often or for very long.

“What’s the damage?” Soise called, cutting in.

“No – uh – um. Can we go to Po town?” Arlette stopped at the bottom of the plank, executing a front flip rather than just skidding to a too-rapid halt.

Jay narrowed her eyes. “Where have I heard that name before?”

“It’s – ah – where Team Skull took up residence,” their friend said. “Hi. Again.”

“Oh, you got free.” Aurora studied Soise. “How long did that take?”

“Why are you wanting to go there?” Jay sighed. “It’s the other side of Hokulani, yes?” She paused for Onni to nod. “That’ll take a while.”

“Kite’s run off.”

“Again,” Onni said. “Vir family is… none too keen about some things.”

“But we think that’s where ve headed – it’s where ve heads normally, right?” Aurora paused for Onni’s nod. “So. Can we?”

“In the interests of helping a friend?” Arlette asked.

Jay folded her arms, twisting her mouth to the side as she thought it over.

“I can go with them,” Soise said, raising a paw.

“We wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important,” Aurora said.

“You wouldn’t ask if you thought you could get there and back without us noticing you’re gone,” Jay corrected her.

Aurora grinned.

Jay considered them before glancing upwards, counting the flyers they had. Jayden had taken all the birds, which… really just left Gar’aq and Lapwing.

“Brith, can you and Soise handle the supplies?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, what?” Soise threw her paws up. “Unfair!”

“Take Arc, if you can shift her.”

“So…” Aurora glanced between them, chewing her lip.

“I expect you’re coming as well?” Jay glanced at Onni, who nodded.

“If that’s alright?”

“We’ll manage.” Jay whistled sharply. “So. Arl and ‘Rora, you take Gar’aq. Onni, that means you’re with me.” She stepped towards the cabin.

Brith intercepted her and held out a different bag. “Inlé, I’m assuming?”

“Thanks.” Jay handed Brith the bag over her shoulder. “List’s in there. Don’t let Soise buy anything too idiotic.”

“But slightly idiotic’s ok?” Soise smirked.

“It’s to be expected with you,” Brith replied, swinging it over her shoulder.

Arc nosed out of the cabin behind her, with Aria on her back.

“Ouch.” Soise laughed, jumping up beside Aria.

Arc huffed and shook her shoulders. Aria murmured a purring sort of answer to her, rubbing between her ears.

“I expect this might take a while. If Jayden comes back between seminars, let him – I’ll text him.” Jay pulled the phone from her pocket and turned as Lapwing landed beside her. “Hop on, Onni.”

“Sure.” Onni eyed the dragonite and scrambled on awkwardly, adjusting their skirt to sit.

The twins were already aloft on Gar’aq, the aerodactyl circling the ship.

As Jay climbed on behind Onni, Vulp joined her, and Sesser flitted to her shoulder. “Aye, now we’re ready.” She grinned, lifting a finger to stroke Sesser. “Let’s go.”

Lapwing lunged forward and over the side of the ship.

Onni shrieked and grabbed at her horns, pressing flat against Lapwing’s back.

Lapwing beat up the water as she dropped slightly over the side, and then as she adjusted to the extra weight, gained height and circled to join Gar’aq.

The twins – standing, grasping hands and using that to balance – leant out on either side and whooped as Gar’aq screeched and headed for the towering mountain in the distance.

#

Po Town looked far more impressive from the air, where it was a grid work of streets and buildings, with open garden spaces and a large house at the end of it.

As they got closer in to landing, the disrepair and ramshackle nature of it became clear.

Gar’aq and Lapwing landed on the path leading to the big house – once a grand mansion, its windows were caved in and boarded over, and the door hung crooked on its hinges – and crouched low for their riders to get off.

Onni stumbled and recovered, smoothing down any hair that had tangled loose in the flight.

Jay stepped down and stood with her back to the mansion, studying the tangled mess of a town. Hedges had overrun their borders, trees had grown haphazard and cracked through what was left of the pavement. Cars were left in the middle of the street, some missing their doors, others looking as though they’d been in vicious accidents.

The twins tumbled down, one over each of Gar’aq’s wings, and spun back to back as they looked around. “Where would ve be?”

“Which houses have electricity?” Onni answered with a grin.

“Hey. Hey! You can’t just land here like you own the place!”

Jay whipped around at the shout to face the person that had yelled at them.

He was young – well, older than the twins, but a great deal younger than herself – with his hair bleached white. Baggy jacket, gold chain. And swaggering, like he owned the place.

“Yeah… sorry about that?” She shrugged. “But we’re just looking for their friend so–”

“What’s the bloody point in having a wall if it don’t even keep anybody out?” he snapped, glaring at her.

Gar’aq growled, falling forward to rest on his wings.

“Oh fuck off,” the man snapped at him.

“Gar’aq,” Jay murmured, and glanced to the twins and Onni. “How ‘bout you go find your friend?”

The twins nodded. “Sure!”

As they ran off, Sesser flitted from Jay’s shoulder to follow after them. Good plan. Their bond might not be as strong as it was were Sesser fully evolved, but she could get the gist if anything bad was happening.

Gar’aq snapped his jaws shut and prowled over to sit beside Lapwing.

“We’ll find vis quick,” Onni said, beckoning the twins past Jay. “Always do.”

“And what, you’ll wait here as a fuckin’ taxi?” The man laughed. “That’s rich.”

“Right?” Jay folded her arms and leant back against Lapwing. “Kids these days.”

He stiffened up as if to retort.

“Yo, boss!” Someone hung out of an upstairs window. “’Meria wants to talk with ya!”

“Don’t let me keep you,” Jay said, as he narrowed his eyes at her. “Important business, I’m sure.”

“You.” He jabbed a finger past her, at someone else. “Mind she don’t go anywhere else.”

Jay didn’t turn to see who he talked to, because this man seemed to be the bigger threat.

“But – the kids, boss?”

“Touch my kids and you’ll regret it,” Jay snapped, almost without thinking as she straightened up, hands curling into fists at her sides.

“Will we?” He swaggered towards her.

Jay pushed off Lapwing to meet him. “Aye,” she growled. “You will.”

From between Lapwing’s horns, Vulpix growled in concert.

He was taller than her which, while not uncommon, was still a rare occurrence. Jay blinked, not quite having expected that.

In her defence, most people that got that close were children, excited by the prospect of one (or more) of her titles.

“Boss!”

“Guzma, get your worthless ass back up here!” someone else roared from the same window.

He laughed at her and turned away. “Keep an eye on her.”

“Sure, boss.”

Jay leant back against Lapwing to wait.

“You one a’them trainers from other regions?” The girl swaggered around to talk to her, puffed up on her own importance.

“Aye.” Jay studied her.

A white beanie with black patches mirroring the boss’ – Guzma? – sunglasses covered her head, tufts of greenish hair poking out from under it. She was wearing a black tanktop and a black neckerchief pulled down about her neck, tangled with a heavy silver looking necklace that mirrored Guzma’s.

“You any good?” She tossed a pokéball in her hand.

Jay laughed, reaching up to scratch Vulpix’ chin. “Some say I am.”

“Let’s battle then!”

Well, it had been a while.

“Vulp, you’re up.”

The girl stared at Vulpix as she leapt down from Lapwing’s back. “That’s a vulpix? No way, it’s the wrong… colour and everything!”

“That gunna put you off?” Jay raised an eyebrow.

“Hell naw!” She laughed and spun out her pokéball, releasing a carnivine.

Jay relaxed as Vulpix splayed her thick tails out along the ground behind her, ears flat to her head.

“Bind!”

The carnivine shot forward its tendrils.

Vulpix leapt aside, rolling across the ground and wriggling under a tree root. The carnivine followed her with its vines – too closely, and tangled with the tree root.

“Fire blast,” Jay said, softly. Almost unnecessarily, but she had to put on a show for challengers. Pretend she was near their level.

Vulpix raised her tails – the edge ones still brushed against the ground, there were that many of them now – and glowed, fire expanding in a concentrated blast from her tails and engulfing the carnivine.

The battle was over almost before it had started.

The girl stared as the smoke cleared, then fell to her knees, grabbing at her hat. “What. The. Fuck. Dude!” She looked up. “That was – fuckin’ awesome! Hey! Hey, boys! Check it, this lady’s whack!”

“Grand Duchess. Technically,” Jay muttered, smirking as she crouched to stroke Vulp.

“Can you battle again?”

“Yeah, battle me!”

“Hey, I want to battle!”

“Come on!”

When Jay looked up, the square was teeming with people all wearing variations on the same outfit. “Uh.” She straightened up, and looked over Lapwing for the twins.

No sign of them, or their friends.

“I… guess it’ll pass the time?” She hadn’t really been looking for a battle – hell, Alola was supposed to be the one region where she reliably wouldn’t be challenged to a battle – but… well, she wasn’t averse to the idea.

“Yeah, but who first? We gunna draw lots?”

“Battle for it!”

“Dude, that won’t work, y’ll all need yer strength for her.”

Jay smirked. “Why don’t you all come at me?” They’d said she needed work at double battles… well, this would be a bit more than that but it had the same effect.

She ignored the voice that told her they’d meant double battles with a partner.

“At once?”

“Lady’s cray.”

Jay reached for her other pokéball. “Well, if you all want to take a discussion and wait for a turn–”

She was interrupted by pokéballs releasing a whole host of pokémon, from the Alolan rattata and meowth to salandit and mareanie to haunter and drowzee and fomantis.

“Holy shit would you keep that racket down?” someone yelled from the second level of the mansion, sounding as if they were using a loudhailer.

Everyone pulled back, recalling their pokemon.

“Sorry Plumeria,” one of them – the original one – called up. “Di’n’t mean to disturb ya!”

“Yeah, well – who the fuck is that?”

Jay turned, shading her eyes to look up.

A girl was half out of the window, one foot on the tiles outside it. The tresses of her hair – looking more like obviously fake extensions the more Jay studied them – were caught in one hand as she leant it against the window frame.

“I’m… here to pick up… my kids?” Jay laughed. “They challenged me to a battle, and I could hardly refuse.”

“Yoooo, you battle?” Guzma plunged out of the window in a haphazard jumble of limbs. “Sorry, ‘scuse Plume – woops – fuck – nah I got this.” He slid across slates to hang from the edge of the already broken gutter and drop down. “I’m next, I wanna–” He caught himself, seeing everyone watching. “I mean – I’m challenging you. As leader of Team Skull, it’s my fuckin’ duty to see you get your ass kicked.”

Jay grinned. “Be my guest.” She took a step back, flanked by Lapwing and Gar’aq, and the spectators spread out to give them more of a pitch.

“You watchin’, Plume?” Guzma turned to look back up at the woman in the window.

She sighed and settled herself against the frame. “Since you won’t sit and do your godsdamned work, I guess I might as well.”

Guzma grinned and puffed himself up, tugging an ultra ball from his pocket. “The boss who beats you down, and beats you down, and never lets up... Yeah. Big bad Guzma is here!"

Jay flinched as everyone about her cheered. So he was clearly… something.

She held Inlé’s pokéball loosely in her hand.

Guzma threw out his and released an ariados.

Something Jay was familiar with. “Ok, Inlé, you’re up.” She released the charmander.

He might be one of her weaker pokémon – or younger, at any rate – but he was still a force to be reckoned with.

Inlé – finally grown into his larger-than-average paws – looked up, tail fire with just the hint of shadow at its centre flickering brightly.

Guzma squinted at Inlé and laughed. “That what you’re givin’ me? Despite those two there?” He gestured at Lapwing and Gar’aq.

Jay smiled thinly. “Smokescreen.”

Inlé arched his back and hacked, coughing out black smoke.

Behind Jay – all around them, now – the people… team grunts, Jay realised, because what else would they be. Obviously. This was Team Skull’s headquarters. Or it had been.

They made a swelling noise of “oooooh” as the pitch was obscured in the smoke.

“Toxic Thread!” Guzma swung his fists forward and hunkered down as if to see through the smoke that obscured their battle pitch.

The ariados scuttled forward, back raised to spool thread out.

Jay didn’t bother trying to squint into the smoke. “Fire fang.”

The ariados lunged at something as they heard the skittering of claws in the smoke.

A blast of fire, and the ariados screamed.

“He’s right there, fell stinger!” Guzma yelled, leaping to his feet now and chancing a glance up at the window, where Plumeria was seated.

The ariados’ stinger – held high above the smoke – glowed, poison beginning to condense at its tip.

“Flame burst.”

Inlé appeared, rolling out of the smoke at Jay’s end of the pitch. He twisted to a stop with his tail arched high over his head, one forepaw on the ground and the other curled up to his chest. He snarled, and fire plumed between his jaws to ignite the smoke.

The pitch burnt with an intensity that had everyone shielding their eyes. When the smoke was gone, Guzma’s ariados was on its back.

Guzma spat on the ground as he returned it. “Yeah… you won’t get so lucky again.” He flicked out another ultra ball, one Jay hadn’t even seen him reach for, and a masquerain buzzed above the pitch.

Jay considered it, then called Inlé back to her side. “Vulp, you’re up.”

“Wait, that’s a vulpix?” Guzma laughed. “Fuckin’ hell that’s weird.”

Jay rolled her eyes. “Baby doll eyes.”

Vulpix tilted her head, dropping her ears to either side of her head and making her eyes big, the pupils widening.

The masquerain tilted its wings, curved side up, and drifted down.

“Naw, bro! Use air slash!” Guzma waved his hands from behind. “It’s playin’ wit ya!”

The masquerain twitched its wings to attack, and Vulpix had a moment’s notice before the wind slashed down at her. She rolled to the side, yelping as she was tumbled backwards, scraping up her side.

Jay half clenched one fist. “Confuse ray!”

“Air slash, knock ‘er out the ring!” Guzma yelled, almost at the same time, grinning wildly.

Jay glanced around – Vulp didn’t exactly need ordering, at this point, only really Inlé did anymore – and studied the… grunts. They were getting into this, as much as Guzma was. And there were a shit ton of them, all with their own pokémon.

What would happen, she wondered, if she beat their boss? It was almost tempting to find out.

“That’s right, use ice beam! Show ‘er what a real vulpix looks like!”

Jay snapped her attention back to the battle to see the masquerain aiming ice at Vulpix, having hemmed her into a corner of the pitch with gusts of air.

Jay whistled, sharply, to get Vulpix’s attention, and reached back to tap Lapwing.

The dragonite roared past her, barrelling into the masquerain before it could unleash its attack.

Vulp flounced back to Jay’s side and sat primly, cleaning her ears.

Jay crouched to her level and grinned. “You thinking what I’m thinking?”

Not that she expected the Pokémon to answer her, although with her team she wouldn’t have been surprised.

“Ice beam – c’mon, hit the fucker! You can do it!” Guzma howled from the other end of the pitch.

Vulpix glanced at Jay and barked, bouncing in a circle as if chasing her tail.

Jay grinned and straightened up. “Hurricane!”

Lapwing soared up and over, coming at the masquerain from behind in a twister-like movement, creating a funnel of air about her.

“Ice beam, dead centre!” Guzma yelled. “Show ‘em what’s for!”

Jay whistled again, but this was softer and two-toned. Twee-errr.

Lapwing flicked a wing and her spiralling slowed, lowering her head as the masquerain hovered before her.

The ice beam hit Lapwing right between the horns, and the dragonite roared in pain. She tumbled over the masquerain and onto her back, coming in fast.

Jay threw up a hand, recalling Lapwing to her rarely-used ball. “Sorry, girl,” she murmured, not even flinching as Gar’aq shoot past her and snapped at the masquerain. “Aerial ace!”

Still facing the other way, exhausted from its attack on Lapwing, the masquerain didn’t – couldn’t – get out of the way fast enough, and Gar’aq caught it with one wing and spun, grasping it to throw into the ground.

Guzma recalled it and sent out two pokemon; a pinsir and a scizor.

Jay raised an eyebrow. “Two against one?”

“Come at me, bro!” he called back, glancing up as if to check that Plumeria was still watching.

“Inlé, you up for more?”

The charmander darted back into the fray.

“Smokescreen!”

“Naw, we’ll have none a’that! Stone edge!”

The pinsir ran at Inlé, and the scizor took to the air and buzzed after Gar’aq.

“Iron head!”

“Sky drop!” Jay called up at Gar’aq, focusing on Inlé.

The charmander leapt and jinked across the pitch as stones erupted seemingly at random from the ground.

Jay narrowed her eyes, watching. Then, “One right prow, flame burst!”

Inlé leapt right, landed on the side of a stone as it broke up through the ground, and leapt again at the pinsir as it charged him down.

“Storm throw!” Guzma whooped, dancing from foot to foot.

The pinsir reached out to catch Inlé before he landed – and Inlé exploded into fire, with a growl so deep and fierce it was almost a roar.

The pinsir, too close to dodge, was caught up in the fire and screamed, lashing out with its spindly arms.

Inlé cried out as well, thrown back as the flames stopped.

The pinsir was charred and smoking, but still on its feet.

“No way!” Guzma laughed. “That’s some good fuckin’ going!”

Inlé tumbled head over tail before bouncing off a jagged rock and landing on his side.

Jay flicked a hand, and Vulp sat up, focusing on it.

Inlé scrambled to his feet and flicked his tail, growling.

Jay grinned. “Swagger.”

Inlé puffed out his chest and coughed out something, standing up to place his claws almost on his hips.

“He’s playin’ ya!” Guzma yelled. “Use guillotine!”

The pinsir charged at Inlé, head lowered and horns tensing to attack.

Jay took a step back, glanced up, and whistled sharply again.

Gar’aq dived to head off the pinsir, the scizor close on his tail.

Inlé leapt backwards, twisting away.

The pinsir lunged after him–

And was slammed into the ground by Gar’aq’s tail as he pulled out of his dive, moments from being too late.

Fine enough to stop his own dive, but the scizor behind didn’t stop in time – whether by accident or design – and slammed Gar’aq into the ground as well, slamming its glowing head into his back.

Guzma whooped, echoed by the people watching.

Inlé twisted and snarled, fire lighting up the scizor where it stood on Gar’aq’s back.

Guzma returned both his pokemon, while Jay only returned Gar’aq. They’d have a hard time returning to Malie at this rate.

She glanced down at Vulpix. “Switch?”

Inlé snarled, and she looked up to see him still on his feet, albeit hulked over and supporting himself on one forepaw. His flame was small, but burning brighter than ever. The scales on his back seemed to be darker.

Jay frowned. “… Alright.”

And Guzma sent out a golisopod. “Let’s get this show on the fucking road!”

Jay stared at it as it towered over Inlé and let out a series of bubbling clicks as a cry.

Inlé, unbowed, snarled back at it.

“Fire fang!”

Inlé sprang forward.

“First impression!”

The golisopod lunged forward to meet Inlé and uppercut him with one of its bulkier arms.

Inlé cried out as he was flung skywards, twisting in the air to rain fire down on his opponent.

Guzma was laughing. “You see this sucker, Plume?” he yelled back towards the house. “I got this!”

Inlé landed and tumbled behind a jagged outcrop of rocks.

Jay could practically feel the eyeroll Plumeria sent his way, and remembered then that golisopod were part water type. “Swagger, Inlé!”

Inlé leapt up onto the top of the rocks in front of him and puffed himself up, croaking out a challenge.

“Waterfall!” Guzma retorted.

The golisopod lunged at Inlé with frightening speed, drawing water from the air.

Jay winced and squinted, not quite willing to look away.

Inlé leapt sideways and swung from one of the golisopod’s weaker mandible-arms and landed on its back, dashing claws against its scales.

It twisted, swung a fist at him and caught a blow hard enough to throw him away.

Jay recalled the charmander before he landed, and Vulp charged in. “Confuse ray!”

“Time to end this shitshow!” Guzma cried out, bouncing from foot to foot and swinging his arms, and something embedded in the golisopod’s scales was glowing, and–

It caught up Vulpix by one of her tails, unconcerned with the fire that exploded around her in retaliation, and spun her up and around, jumping to get the height necessary to slam her into the ground and scream at her, clicking its mandibles close enough to her ear that it was practically eating it.

“Alright!” Jay raised a hand, water crackling with electricity about it. “You win.”

The golisopod pulled back, and Vulpix limped her way to Jay’s side.

A moment of silence, and then the grunts erupted into cheers and hoots and roars.

Jay dropped to her knees, pulling off her coat to wrap the pokémon in. “You did good,” she whispered. “I’m sorry.”

Vulpix licked at her nose.

Jay smiled and bumped her forehead against Vulpix’s.

“Awww hell yes!” Guzma screeched. “You see that, Plume? You see it?”

“I saw it,” Plumeria replied, yelling above the noise of the grunts.

Jay stood, sorting through her bag with one hand, the other cradling Vulp. “Hey – winnings.” She tossed the pouch lightly over to him.

Guzma caught it without thinking and glanced inside. Then up at Jay, and then back to staring inside. “You’re shitting me.”

“What? You won.”

“All this?”

“It was a good battle.”

Guzma whistled, then tossed the pouch to one of the grunts – the one with green hair, that Jay had originally fought. “We’ll heal your pokemon for you.” He swaggered across the torn up battle pitch to her, offering his hand. “And – nice! Your tats are fucking neat!” He stared at her arms, taking in their designs.

Jay laughed and shook his hand. “No bad yourself.” She nodded at his forearms.

“Hey, mam! We found ver!”

“Yeah, we found – hey, budge!”

With a crackle of electricity, the twins stumbled out of the crowd with their friends close behind them.

“Wait, what happened?”

Jay tilted her head to rub against Sesser as the swablu landed on her shoulder. “We’re going to have to stick around here for a bit. Lap and Gar’aq need to rest up.”

Guzma slung an arm around Jay’s shoulders, slouching slightly to make it work. “In the meantime – the grand tour! Welcome to Po Town.”

“We have internet now!”

“And Netflix!”

“Goals,” Onni said, laughing. “That why you come so often, Kite?”

Kite shrugged, but Jay didn’t hear vis answer as Guzma tugged her eagerly on.

“Here, you gotta meet Plume properly, she’s my second in command, she’s just – the best. She keeps everything running properly like, and–” his voice dropped to a whisper as he booted open the door to the mansion, “She’s fuckin’ hot.”

“You should get yourself an intro speech.”

“What?” Jay glanced across at Guzma.

He lay sprawled across a broken couch, beer bottle in hand, watching the battle tournament being played out on the TV. “Ya know. Let people know what they’re up against.”

Jay smiled slightly. “I think most people know who they’re up against. Outside these islands, anyhow.”

“Oooohh, you’ve made a name for yourself, have ya? With that weird ass vulpix of yours?”

Vulp, from Jay’s lap, lifted her head and let out a warning growl.

Jay laughed and stroked Vulp’s head, calming her. “Something like that.”

Guzma settled himself again, waving off the cutiefly that were buzzing about the room. “Still, ya should have a slogan. Or something.”

“‘It’s ya boi, Guzma’?” Jay raised an eyebrow, voice steady even if she was grinning.

“Yeah, yeah, only – wait, fuck. What’s your name?” Guzma twisted over to see her.

Jay snorted. “Varies, on the person.” She held up her free hand. “Jay, Blue, Cap’n, NightGale.” Duchess, Guardian, Shade’s Bane, she continued silently.

“Ya – you’re a Captain? Like of a fuckin’ trial?” Guzma twisted upright, upsetting the stack of old pizza boxes that he shared the couch with.

Jay paused. “Ah – no. Of a crew. A ship.”

Guzma’s face lightened, and he leant across to slap Jay’s hand. “Yoooo! Crew leaders u-nite!”

“What.”

“Here, like this.” Guzma grabbed her hand with his other, demonstrating. He slapped palm to palm, back to back, then a fist bump before pulling his hand away. “Kapow.”

Jay laughed, mimicking the explosion movement on her own. “Nerd.”

He eyed her suspiciously, collapsing back onto the couch – all without spilling a drop of beer. “But fuck, we can do something with NightGale…” Guzma leant back, tapping his fingers along the bottle.

[impracticaldemon]

Posts like this will be infrequent. To skip: tagged #hakumerch 

For those curious about Hakuouki plushie prices in Japan. Current February 27, 2018. Note there is a sale; also, prices tend to vary quite a lot, even within a month.

Some Amnesia plushies are also available, but selection is very limited.

100 Yen is about $1.19 CDN (ouch!) but only $0.96 US. So a 4000 Yen plushie is  about $37.40 US. However, there is also an agent fee and shipping to consider.