#THIS one still has my heart but to a lesser extent

[throughpatchesofviolet]

Eepy time ... would like to be in a certain harpooneer's arms, right about now ...

[spamtoon]

(Out of nowhere, you are approached by a familiar lightbulb-headed Cog.)

Ah, it's you, cat. Thinking you're oh-so-slick. Muttering and whispering under those raggedy whiskers of yours... Thinking I am unable to hear it all...

Well, you've simply underestimated my fantastic hearing. You probably want to know the reason why I'm here, taking a 'break' from my incredibly important scientific breakthroughs? It's quite simple, really!

(She gets close, and squints her eyes.)

I know what you are.

Farewell, now!

(She then leaves the way she came from.)

(Spam giggles immensely, covering her face... it always seems like she's giggling, isn't she? This lasts... at least thirty seconds. Longer than usual.)

And I know what I am too, Sparky! You broke through something, that's for sure. Really, broke through...

(She looks down, continuing to laugh nervously.)

You know, I find it odd you Havent tried to bulb blast me into the stratosphere by now. I mean knowing how you acted with Frostbite. Is there something peculiar about me that you perhaps can't quite track? Something about me that you... don't know what I am?

I know, I know, I'm talking to nobody again. But you were there when I had a moment today with the one the only Frostbite The Bravecog. You may be remaining. Lurking in the shadows. Knowing about these thoughts that I'm thinking.

(The giggling resumes, lasting far shorter this time.)

Your brother's a piece of fucking barp, by the way

(She braces for impact for a few seconds, wincing while smiling, before comically looking around to realize nobody's there. She sighs.)

Wow, okay maybe toony superhero show logic doesn't apply in this situation. Cool.

WAIT I JUST FUCKING REALIZED WHAT SHE MEANT but like. Dude if she meant that then what's the point I mean the whole ahh sellbot department barping knows unless you're Really low on the ladder. Heheh... maybe she did mean what I thought she meant.

Oh i'm so fucking screwed. What kind of bitch gets filament fever

[pansear-doodles]

30 Days of Artihunter Complete!

Below the cut would be a side diary on the thought process of each day- how I felt during the time and what made me decide to draw the ship in that portrayal. It would also contain some deep thought messages of how I feel I suppose.

Day 1 revolved around me thinking quickly on this idea- that it is pride month and its their time to shine again. What is anything more appropriate than the first art style I drew Rain world in for the first day? I've thought of the roses of explosion spears.

I was feeling creatively driven on this day- wanting to use my painterly style but with not exactly my designs- I also want to mimic how they appear in the game more.

Purple, orange, yellow. Great colors. I'm a sucker for citrus and sunset palettes.

Was feeling lazy this day, but also experimental. Some people saw this piece and thought that the shelter is the tent- that's actually just the entrance. The "tent" is a carpeted roof to the entrance, and the two are enjoying the light rain or the start of it before they head in to the actual shelter. At some point in the future I should design more unique shelters and entrances.

Around the time, I was listening to The Cardigans. Sometimes Youtube gives me sped up versions where the thumbnail has a cute stuffed animal or character. It reminds me of the Sylvanian Family toy series. My very first Artihunter-related commission was the two in pretty dresses with the pups, so I was reminiscing on that too.

I was feeling sleepy so I wanted to draw the two comfortably. I think I was in the mood to draw a wrinkled blanket.

When a character kisses another, it leaves a heart. This is not usually lipstick but rather just an evident smooch mark. You might've seen a similar thing in the newest picrew. Yes- those are smooch marks!

Felt stylistic. Wanted to be different I think. This was the first daily artihunter piece Videocult retweeted. I'm not sure if they realized but whatever floats their boat. I was really fond of how people draw Artificer as this rough, scraggly, rat coyote thing, so I wanted to draw it my way.

It was at this point I realized my daily artihunter hasn't shown the one aspect of their relationship- that they both are fighters and relish on the violence. I drew them fighting a vulture because of Hunter's expedition: Birdwatching

I think... I was feeling sad this day. You'll see this pattern soon in the future days.

I was feeling violent. I wanted to draw gore for once.

I was browsing through twitter and found funny slugcat GIFs and drawings where the slugcat is shaped like some sort of long stringbean. This would be one of the few pieces where it involves another character unrelated to the two.

I think I was on a manic state this day- feeling silly.

Then the silliness crashed down from... something. As the days progressed, my anxiety attacks would worsen and be evidently consistent throughout (and as of writing I still have them, but to a lesser extent at least). This would continue until around day 26. But as of this day, I wanted to show my arti's caring side, comforting hunter.

Amidst an anxiety attack, I wanted to draw them as beans in reminiscent of the specific style of an artist whose small doodles make me smile and laugh.

I think I was feeling empty headed for ideas on this day, so I looked at the rain world art tags for inspiration- it just hit me that I could also draw other artist's depictions of artihunter, so I drew them in one of my styles. Maybe someday I will do more of this. I hope the other rw artists don't find this weird.

I've randomly thought of shovel knight and thought about how cozy the campfire cutscenes were. I wonder if shelters could have ventilations to warrant a campfire inside. It would be nice I think.

It was father's day. This is not a genderbent drawing- I just wanted to draw them in different colors and wearing cool ties, while receiving mugs that call them dad. That's about it. If you think about it, I think arti and hunter would get a maximum of four mugs per year for each- on mother's day, on father's day, on their birthdays, and on rain world's version of the winter holidays.

Butch sapphics/lesbians. I was humorous.

I was feeling upset and certainly riddled with the anxiety and restlessness. I just wanted to draw the family at peace.

I was curious on my friends' input on what prompt for this day, so I asked them what should the two be doing. Several of them gave different answers, so I combined all of them.

I was feeling terrible but I wanted to push forward with the daily artihunter. Their arms have bruises here but they're holding on- just like what I was going through that day.

Anxious, again. I wanted to draw them resting closely. I think I was touch starved.

I wanted to cheer myself up so I went around for memes on tumblr and saw one I found funny and could fit my vision (er- one of my visions) of the ship. I found the sunstone dialogue at the back to replace the dialogue of Hatred a genius move and I'm glad I cracked people up with that detail.

People seemed to like this one- I was feeling painterly that day. Arti's kids are part of their life, and now they're part of Hunter's. I think Hunter would be a great mumdad.

I think... It was around this time my anxiety attacks started to leak out and break open completely. There was a lot of buzz. I was restless. Uncomfortable. Spiraling. People left and right trying their best to comfort me, and then finally the people who helped me snap out of it out of reasonable concern and grips on reality. I'm quite ashamed of being that, but I think at this time, I finally learned how to slowly breathe again. I felt mellow. I drew them as tomatoes with iterator farmers.

I wasn't feeling sad. More like tired. I had school all day until late at night and I had no time to make the drawing, so I made something relatively simple.

I planned this prompt for a while- I wanted to draw them in their wedding wear. The complexities are the exchange of the simplicity for the day before. I at times still cringe at the wedding comics, but they were fuzzy. I think they should slow dance after everything they been through. I think they should hold each other gently until their next stressful moments come. I think they should be happy.

A round about way of compiling most depictions I have of the two. Its funny I always draw their anthro versions taller than the other portrayals, but thats the vibes. They all each have different ways of showing affection. They all each have different experiences despite being similar to one another. Yet they're all the same persons at the source.

Today was polarizing. There were a lot of things I did not expect. A rollercoaster of emotions. But somewhere in there of the today, even with the tears on my face, the throbbing headache and the shaking hands- I was happy. I should acknowledge that I have accomplished another of what appears to be another consistent art month, with absolutely no missed days. I wanted to make it off with a bang- something reminiscent of one of my first artihunter drawings. I shall rest, but I'll see everyone in the fields of Art Fight, where I will smile once more to hopefully live up to my prime and focus on what's important to me in drawing.

With pride month ending, I would like to thank my friends and the rw community for being supportive of my barbie playhouse. 5 Months went by so fast, so many episodes and mistakes but I march forward, evolving and fluctuating, learning. There were things that meant a lot to me and are significant that is considered otherwise by others.

Some people will look at this- all that I've done- think its crazy, maybe unhinged, think I have made them with the intent of malice. Maybe I have not done enough. Maybe I misrepresented them. Maybe I was too proudy or ignorant- perhaps all that was true and I didn't know about it until its too late. There is a certain truth in me that it difficult for me to explain to others and there are some things I think about that don't need sharing.

I wish I wasn't so sensitive to everything but me frolicking about with whatever I want to draw contradicts it. It makes me want to step down or run off to a new quieter place- a new account to disguise myself- but I know I can't let them win that way.

Maybe there are two or more people in me, all conscious. Or maybe I am indecisive and want to explore everything about thing because I love thing and I want to see it in all angles. Whatever I'm doing, I know its out of love and appreciation. I misremember even significant things. I lose myself, but I pick up the pen and draw because its the one thing I know best for myself.

I do not look for validation. I only look for peace. I only look to be comfortable knowing that I'm not making the opposite of peace. I only look to make myself happy.

To the people I've hurt on my journey, the people I've thought fondly of but also fear, the people who hurt me- thank you for being part of my stay in Rain World even if painful and I'm sorry for everything I've wronged you on.

To the people who brought light to me, who tolerated me, who were kind to me, who were patient to me, who didn't mind what and how I was, who encouraged me, who defended me, who talked to me, who shared memes with me, who were calm and honest to me, who acknowledge my flaws, who made me feel safe- thank you. Even if some of these moments were brief. Even if I don't know who or what you are on the other side. Even if something in the future may happen to us. I love you. /p

I say this all with genuine thoughts, and I hope I'm not being emotionally manipulative because I genuinely do appreciate this fandom and I'm grateful that lots of people in it are appreciative of me.

Thank you, again.

P.S. I have realized throughout this month I have worded the drawing artihunter everyday thingy wrong (oops) Well. At least know that I will continue to draw artihunter, and I do not think I'll get tired of the ship and drawing them anytime soon.

[gay-dorito-dust]

Hey I’m the anon that asked if you write for Tekken 👉🏻👈🏻 I always like the grumpy x sunshine trope, and I was wondering if you can write headcanons for Kazuya with an s/o like that? Very soft, sweet, affectionate, I feel in a way it would also be funny 😆

Idk if this is what you wanted but I have it my best shot. 🦦

Not me back on my Brutus and Pixie agenda (seriously it’s my favourite thing to reference at this point.)

All I’m going to say is; it’s not easy showing kindness to a man who had been so vastly removed from it from a young age, and the only memory he has of experiencing such kindness was from his mother; which in of itself was merely candlelight in comparison to the suffocating darkness.

So needless to say if you keep at it, not showing agitation or anger towards his inability to see your acts of kindness towards him as just that; pure acts of kindness. Then Kazuya will slowly -baby steps mind you, extremely small baby steps- begin to believe it to some extent.

Everyday is an uphill battle but you were willing to fight it forever without ever showing an ounce of fatigue if it meant earning Kazuya’s trust. Something that he one day noticed and will- in his own unique way- show his gratitude for sticking by him for as long as you have.

Let’s hypothetically say he came back injured, you naturally wanted to help him but much like showing affection or acknowledging how he felt towards you, he will have those walls up again faster then you could blink. It’s just natural for him this way to never pay any mind to the ‘weaker’ side to himself and reject any and all notions that could possibly end up in him becoming ‘soft’ and ‘pliable’ for those who might have it out for him.

So imagine the feeling of achievement you’d get the moment Kazuya let’s you tend to his wounds, listening silently as he slowly began to open up to you, even if it was a little bit, it was still something to celebrate for the both of you; especially when going forward into this relationship where you’d gradually bear your entire heart to the other, letting them see the most vulnerable parts of yourselves and silently praying that the other doesn’t destroy you with it in the future…

And imagine how nice it was to be hugged by a pair of strong arms, held against a firm chest by powerful hands and just finding yourself melting into him…smiling softly at the fact that Kazuya wanted to hold you out of his own accord. Feeling protected from any and all harm that could come your way. It was enough to make you want to cry but instead you smiled brightly and told him how utterly proud you were of him for taking the first step, for taking a chance on something he was once so vividly against.

This man looks like he’s never be told that someone was proud of him ever in his life. So hearing someone who had nothing but the most wholesome of intentions with him say it? He’s not going to know how to react, but from the way his grip on you would tighten slightly told you more than enough as you reminded yourself to keep reminding him how proud you were.

Is it a stretch to say that he would be protective? Especially towards the person who had shown him their truest self and shown him how being in love and being loved don’t inherently make you weak or lesser than, boldly proving him -a man dead set in his ways- wrong on several occasions and him not feeling an ounce of anger but instead a weird sense of relief? So Kazuya will want to keep you away from the shadier side of things in the instance that he might not always be there to ward away unwanted attention.

He may not say it aloud but then again why would he when his actions were loud enough for you to understand their intentions, no matter how few and far between they might be but at least you knew that he would stand by you and keep you protected by any means necessary.

He just has a fear of loosing the one good thing in his life because of who he was; For if he were to loose you then everything he originally believed would then become truth, that it would become reality.

The fact that you were both opposites would be made apparent in everything that you did but that’s what made your relationship work when in any other circumstances it probably wouldn’t. However it only made your appreciation of the other stronger than before.

It’s not perfect, not that I’m saying it ever was, but ultimately the hardships are what made you treasure your relationship with the grumpy man even more. You didn’t try to change or ‘fix’ him because that was not your job, you’re not fixer and you knew that as much as he did and instead you -with your unwavering kindness and gentleness- had let him taken his time with getting to a level of comfortability with you where he knew he could relax beneath your touch instead of flinching away.

You soothed his scarred heart whilst also loving it unconditionally without feeling the need to change it to fit your fantasy.

[hitlikehammers]

dearest-mine (until next)

a Fae-King!Steve/Human-Prince!Eddie fic for @thequeenofcarvenstone in the Steddie Valentine's Day Exchange ✨ ao3 link here

part i: until next

“Dearest,” Steve whispers gentle, ever-so, against the hidden space behind his beloved’s ear; “dearest-mine,” he exhales as a song, lilting; tender if not wholly devoid of the barest sorrow as he rouses his lover before the dawn as he must: “until next.”

With which he wakes his dearest, his Eddie, every morning he is blessed to spend wrapped around and within: he will not bid farewell, the parting already too raw; he cannot bear the heartbreak of permanence etched in harsher words. And yet: part they must; fae magic is firm.

The morning light seals the liminal space to solid. To remain beyond the dawn means to remain forever.

“What if I were to stay?”

Eddie’s voice comes itself like a song, though the words more a temptress; as if he hears Steve’s own thoughts tucked deep in his chest.

“You know you mustn’t,” Steve says it as he says it every morning, swallowing his own regrets and wishes deeper than his thoughts as he strokes fingertips delicate through his beloved’s hair, soft without need for Enchantment’s touch; “you have a kingdom which depends upon your kind hand in guidance,” and it is true: his beloved stands to inherit rule of the kingdom that curls east-and-north to the borders of Steve’s Realm, should the Realm be given space within the mortal plane. It is how they met, fortuitous by the hands of chance to other eyes but Steve: Steve believes otherwise.

He believed in destiny only for the fact of Eddie beside him; that after millennia now of feeling only passing warmth within him, and surface satisfaction of the flesh, he aches in perpetuity, now, for the expanse beneath his breast, the way Eddie sits on a wholly other throne beside Steve’s heart: Steve has lived and breathed beside Enchantment his entire life-length, and will for what remains, but he has never had reason to ponder and marvel at the true extent of its powers before this.

Infatuation is a lesser word by leagues, and yet: love too is so far beyond this feeling.

Though, for the immediacy of feeling: Steve stills when the touch of his lover slips lower, his lashes dancing, the blood high on the sculpt of his cheekbones.

“I believe,” Eddie whispers, near-devious: “my kind hand,” he echoes Steve’s words in a wholly other fashion, and Steve feels the desire that never fades with his beloved, he feels it stir to rising, to sprinkle the flesh of him up from the ends: “may better be suited to,” and he lays a palm at the join of Steve’s hips, lets the weight of his touch settles meaningfully, warm where heat is no matter, Steve already walks an inferno beside him:

“Other tasks.”

Steve’s blood whirls riotous between the chambers of his chest, a dancing ribbon on Lughnasadh in the blood of him, the life of him celebratory and yet—

“Darling-mine,” he forces his own hand to cover Eddie’s, and laments the way his fingers curl to lift that hand to his chest to feel the hum there, not-quite-human but not so unlike, simply broader, less predicable and more married to the whims of the World-Rhythm, and here beside his One-True—though he has not spoken such, and will not for the unbalance of thus speaking clear his own heart, should he stumble into tempting Eddie to move in kind; for where no consequence lies for Steve to bare his love within his own borders, for Eddie it would tempt Enchantments older than even Steve can fathom, laid by the crueler of his cousins long gone from these lands though the roots, the soils retain the memory, and deeper-still the danger. Yet Steve has known for some time the gravity of what he feels, of what this truly is—

“Your nation lays its demands upon you by daylight,” he presses lips against his beloved’s jaw, holds to feel his lifeblood and smile there for the fact of it: “my heart remains forever at the ready for your return by evenfall.”

For this is how it is, for them; this is how their worlds must spin: there is no more, and no less, nor should there ever be, for to quantify it on any scale, human or Deeper, is folly, and ill-fitted. What they are is this, in its unquakable wholeness. It can be no other.

“I miss you terribly in the interim,” Eddie says, the soft heart of him in his eyes as he confesses the depth of this in simple words that cut every time, that clench in Steve’s chest and make him wish…

Make him wish things he cannot wish. Eddie is a Prince, with a Kingdom that will await his ascension in due course. Eddie is a human, a beautiful mortal soul, perfect for all that he is and ever will be, just so. Steve could barely hold the notion of asking someone to forsake their homes, their lands, their families and peoples to join the world he reigns over: he cannot ask this man, the only one he would desire to pose the question, not when he holds in him a greatness of his own that Steve cannot presume to measure to, no matter what titles or powers he himself might offer in exchange.

“I misspoke,” Steve settles on, and draws Eddie’s hand to his lips to kiss soft, then his chest to press true: “my heart does not wait at the ready,” he breathes, and lets Enchantment swell in his veins to be felt and held for the touch:

“It goes with you, always, whole-of-my-heart,” Steve exhales the vow of it, the love of it, careful but long-kept and nurtured to be open, always, and wholly but safe, held mindful and meticulous and offered so as to have none of the ties of Fae-Kind that may sway Eddie’s mind, or his heart; that would unfairly, and unmeaning, ask for things Steve will not ask, sacrifices he will not so much as hint toward Eddie considering, no matter the outsized wanting within him.

“So there is no need for longing in these hours,” Steve breathes out, and wills the weight of what he gives between them swell with breadth and feeling, as he’s practiced long to master so that it skirts all wiles of his Winter brethren, and even his own sun-soaked kin—a magic here without twists save to hold as dear; an oath sworn that asks nothing in return: “never a need, dearest-mine, however long those mournful hours may deem fit to stretch.”

Eddie considers him, lips parted as he breathes in the warmth of evocation Steve is gifting into the space between them, with every exhale and pulse-flutter: the flush high on his beloved’s cheeks for it is all he asks for, if not all he desires—if he cannot claim the latter, he will treasure the former with all that he is.

“Impossible, though,” Eddie finally exhales, thready and awed as he slowly turns their twined-together hands and brings Steve’s to his own chest, now: there is no Enchantment singing beneath his breast save for the fact and marvel of him, but that could never mean it’s less a song, and Steve craves it wholly, the wing-beat of it so untethered, so free—Steve relishes it with his full being, even for the reminder that in its freedom, it is proof pressed into his hand of what he can never, will never even hint at mentioning, to choose and tot bind and to join Steve here but to lose far more: he will never so much as suggest the notion, lest his resolve crumble, or the worst of his nature take selfish tacks to keep.

“I leave my heart with you,” Eddie murmurs, and leans to rub his cheek to Steve’s, the gentle prickle of scruff delicious on Steve’s soft skin. “I question often, whether it remembers still how to beat without you near,” Eddie breathes as a confession and Steve own heart trembles for it, to be cared for so deeply in kind: a revelation. Novel beyond his ken.

“It is well-done then,” Steve can only whisper back, just as delicate; cannot break the gentle spell cast wholly of they two alone, and the beating of life between them, Steve’s for Eddie and Eddie’s…possible some proportion of him, too, for Steve: unfathomable—and yet.

“Of course there is not life without a heart,” Steve mouths now against Eddie’s jaw, soft and tender until he raises shivering; delicious; “and yet we endure through the cold hours,” and he fastens his mouth then to the delightful pump of the pulse at Eddie’s throat, a buoyant little wave of feeling: “safe in hand of hearts given,” Steve kisses there reverent and breathes: “happily so.”

“Joyfully so,” Eddie counters, reaching then to cup Steve’s face and meet his eyes with such weight in their fathomless gaze:

“You are dear to me in ways I never dared to dream,” Eddie tells him with his full chest, uncannily breathless for the strength he holds inside the sentiment, audible and tangible in the air as he speaks and it fills Steve to bursting just to be privy to it, let alone to be the intended recipient of such unutterable gifts.

“Take this then, beloved,” and Steve kisses him thoroughly, with all intention and his own choice gifts: “and be well in your journey.”

Eddie raises a brow at him, his lips quirking impish.

“What was it this time, then?”

And Steve meets him, smiling warm where he could not resist if he tried, and would not dishonor this moment or the depth of it all in his chest to make such attempts—of course his beloved has learned the sensation, now, of Enchantment working upon him, even in bare hints.

“Simply safe-keeping,” Steve smooths hands down Eddie’s arms, and kisses his lower lip so to coax the flesh just so into full-dark bloom: “it would do poorly should I fail to protect my heart in its travelings,” he adds playfully, though it may shoot afar its mark: too sincere, too much of heart in it by necessity alone.

“And?” Eddie forgives whatever undue weight Steve may have let dampen the tease, or else maybe he simply accepts it for all that it is; but he moves onward, and presses further—so bright, his dearest, so keen.

“Subtle fortune,” Steve admits, gathering his hands to hold, to squeeze: “your negotiations today,” for they had spoken: Eddie’s Kingdom seeks trade and alliance with their neighbors at the furthest reaching leyn-lines of Steve’s borders, and Steve would see it done for the best of both his own people, and Eddie’s in turn—though he would see it done no matter, were it Eddie’s wish.

“My uncle needs that more than I,” Eddie shrugs the sentiment a bit but pinkens, ducks his head and buries in the fluff of his curls, sleep mussed and wild and adored.

“Beloved-mine,” Steve feels himself compelled from the heart of him to speak it, to counter the hiding, however endearing; to banish so much as the hint of feeling less-than deserving, contexts aside, not least as the deep-dark of the sky starts to soften with bare hints of amber, their moments dwindling:

“You carry the whole of me as companion,” Steve frames his face and speaks true, feels the welling of his devotion, the depth of how much of himself is offered in his touch and in his words, and he suspects his eyes flash opalescent for the way it trembles as truth through his skin to bone, the whisperings of the Elders ebullient in his voice as he speaks: “and yet that is a trifling thing compared to the whole of you.”

Eddie stares at him as if he is a wonder, a true child of something rooted deep in the movings of being, in the seasons of the world and the glories no longer spoken aloud as the tongues are long lost but life on in the flesh of those like Steve, and that is a truth: but here. Here, before Eddie, next to Eddie, Steve is really but one thing alone: his.

Steve belongs solely and wholly, here, to him.

“You speak nonsense, my liege,” Eddie finally murmurs, eyes still stretched almost unfathomably wide, as if seeing Beyond: “of us two I am the one who wakes in your arms and wonders endless what heaven I’ve stumbled upon,” he reaches to cradle Steve’s face much as Steve had done in turn, and Steve has never learned before this man to feel adored, or valued for what he is, for who he’s grown to be, rather than what influence he wields, and what power he can enact, as if his rapport now with Enchantment is some coercive thing: no. No, Eddie sees Steve, not a King, not a Fae, not a means to an end. And the strength of his feeling is somehow palpable through the leaves, on the wind itself: for Steve alone, just as he is.

It is a heady revelation that has never yet grown old, or less miraculous.

“To be so blessed as to behold you,” Eddie toys idly at his hair with the softest curve to his lips, his pulse strong, full at his neck; “let alone—“ and his voice breaks a little for feeling, and Steve chest cracks open a touch to take it in safe, to wrap it around his own heart and covet it close, gifts-upon-gifts.

“Now who speaks nonsense, dearest-mine,” Steve teases, though he knows his eyes still glow with the world-craft of his birthing, its power awakened to press firm the truths deeper than his words: this man is all things, in Steve’s chest and in his blood and of his soul he is all things; “what wild notions you have, to think you are less the revelation,” he chides, and flips a thick tangle of Eddie’s hair to puncture the point before he leans close, catches Eddie’s hand again close to his chest to measure the significant in moments’-moving blood beneath:

“That you are less my heart entire.”

Truths. May well have been drawn in the roots of the world-tree at creation itself. And Eddie looks at him in such a way that he must, he must feel grasped and held to Steve’s heart under his palm, for the leaping and the drumming-divine that takes up its song through his chest as Eddie licks his lips and looks to Steve like he is unfathomable and immutable, like he is everything there is to be somehow; his eyes gleam bright and his lips part slow, near-worshipful:

“I love—“

And Steve leans to kiss him, to claim his lips and still his words, to keep them inside his lungs and deep near his heart because as much as Steve wishes them, he wishes nothing of what they may bind to, what they may be taken by Enchantment to mean: a debt. A claim. All that Steve strives with the whole of him to keep his dear one safe from: the dangerous edges that are axiomatic to all Fae is varied in their shape and magnitude; edges Eddie skirts by his nature, so fond of the risk to the point that it pricks often in Steve chest for fear, even as he knows he will never live to let harm visit upon this man, not a single curl upon his head will come to hurt under Steve’s eye, but this: this is not a mere hurt.

This is a sentence for all of time; a condemnation underscore in terms beyond forever. And he will not subject Eddie to such ruin; he would not leave such ends to this man who never needed to stake claim upon Steve to have the whole of him.

And Steve will never risk stealing the claim of eternity in return, no matter how his heart longs to hear those words.

“Sunlight hastens,” Steve moves his lips against Eddie’s; breathes protection into him soft so that he knows love in the motion, but caution in what Steve has sealed back into his lungs: safe and unspoken, risking none of the radiant humanity in Eddie’s precious veins as he cups that dear-held cheek:

“Hasten in kind, beloved.”

Until next, indeed.

✨ part ii: here✨

✨ ao3 link here

permanent tag list (comment to be added): @pearynice @hbyrde36 @slashify @finntheehumaneater @wxrmland @dreamwatch @perseus-notjackson

💜

divider credit here

[esther-dot]

I’ve always found it odd that in s8 Sansa started wearing her hair more like d@ny. Like that bun braid she’s got going on in the promos & those two little braids that frame her face at the dragon pit. I can head-canon that she chose to wear her hair like that in king’s landing for the sake of the unsullied. Perception is everything & their leader wore her hair that way—a strong woman capable of commanding an army; an intimidating woman. Sansa likely felt she needed to project an intimidating level of strength if she had any hope of securing Jon’s release & the braids could’ve been a way to subtly influence their perception of her. Meant to recall images of their leader & paint her as someone to be feared.

As far as wearing her hair the way she did at the start of the season…the best I could come up with is that she was doing it for Jon. And while it’s an answer I can accept (be still my jonsa-heart!) it doesn’t feel quite satisfactory. I’m wondering if you’ve put down any thoughts on this & might have something more for us to consider? Or perhaps a head-canon you’d like to share?

I remember this debate and there’s even an article about it,

(link)

But the idea that Sansa was copying Dany never made much sense to me because Sansa starts wearing the hairstyle before she’s met Dany? I think that Sansa's hair was meant to be a Northern style, and worked with the association of Sansa & Lyanna the show created (link).

Here’s a pic and another post about it:

(link)

And then in s8, looking at the hairstyles, even though there are braids in both, it looks to me as if they attempted to keep them distinct. Look how soft and loose Dany's is in contrast to Sansa's. Also, Sansa has a bun while Dany's braid is like a crown sliding off her head (ba-dum-ch!)

Even when I look at “Sansa’s war braids” at the dragonpit,

It doesn’t make me see Dany at all. She susually had two curls down by her face, but that was to soften her look, whereas Sansa's braids have the opposite intention. My main thought is that it’s weird the girl who wasn’t fighting got the armor-ish dresses while the two who were out there with the army of the dead did not! This may have been an effort to give her a totally unique hairstyle from the Northern cast, in prep for Queen Sansa?

I think the Jonsa implications would be in the Lyanna connection and the NedCat cosplay from s6-7. The fact that the finale rested on Jon’s (Targ) love for Sansa (Stark girl) makes me think there was some story-related reasoning back in s5-7 that carried through to the end even if they didn't really wanna follow-through on the implication. Making Jon appear as Ned and Sansa as Cat (the hairstyles are similar, not exactly the same but the script referenced the Cat thing at one point so it was intentional) also feels like something that was still present in s8 storywise. They were a unit, they did trust each other, but there was a lot of anxiety about that trust and pain about a perceived betrayal.

And in-world reasoning, I’d say that when in the South Sansa was trying to fit in at court so mimicking to greater or lesser extent the fashion made sense, and when she returned home, it made sense for her to start wearing styles she’d worn or seen as a girl.

(link)

[existingonanotherplane]

René draw their faces the same challenge (y’all, click to get better quality)

This sucked!

That was an understatement, Mike hated this with a passion. Here he is with his “best friend” arguing in the goddamn basement because of a painting Will decided he needed to lie about. It should be a simple thing to fix but things have been going horribly and Mike is finding it harder and harder to hold himself together. He shouldn’t take it out on anyone, he doesn’t want to but sometimes his mouth is faster than his brain. 

Will is saying something about feeling like he had to lie and that they should just drop it, its just a stupid painting. And if Mike had been listening better then maybe he wouldn’t be reacting as he does. Maybe he’d realize that him and Will had just been feeling a little lost . But all he hears is the fact that Will had just called his artwork stupid and condensed everything that came with it into something small and meaningless. Which hurts so bad in a way Mike can’t even comprehend. Salt in the wound that is the gaping hole from Will lying to him.

“Bullshit, Will! That’s not fair and you know it!” Because even if Will had had a good reason to  lie to him, that doesn’t mean it's right. They never lied to each other. Things kept changing but that wasn’t supposed to be one of them and UGH-

He HATES this!! He hates it. 

Will has been responding to him tenfold with whatever he decides to dish out like its been pent up inside of him this whole time. And to be fair, Will had apologized over and over by now. Probably too many times even and Mike thinks that maybe he should drop it. They could be doing other things. Better things. Like actually hanging out or to a lesser extent, figuring things out with the upside down. He should be celebrating having his friend back. But whenever he gets the thought, everything just hits him all over again at the fact that Will had even lied in the first place. It felt like his heart had been put through a shredder and then sewn back together all wrong. Forced to continue functioning even if it hurts.

Will scoffs pushing back, “Not fair? What’s not fair is being blamed for something I didn’t do!” 

And okay so maybe he has a point there, he hadn’t actually been the one to mess things up with El. Mike was just mad and uncomfortable and hurt. Too much was happening too fast and the world is ending on top of that and his best friend is lying to him. 

Will derails his train of thought, again. 

“I’m sorry for lying! For- for using El’s name,’ he says this part quietly, and Mike watches as the guilt overpowers his anger for a few seconds, “ but, Betrayal?? Really, Mike?” 

Alright, he can admit (to himself not to Will) that maybe, that word is a little dramatic but he lied. Will looked him in the eye and lied!! That’s a pretty big fucking deal. And that’s enough to get him back going again. 

“Lying was the betrayal, Will!!” He feels his voice shake and he wonders how words can make you feel so god damn tired. 

“Friends. Don’t. Lie. Do you even care about that anymore??” Part of him thinks that maybe Will does still care but it clearly not enough cause he still lied, right to his face, disguised it as his sister for some stupid reason, and lied. Maybe he was afraid. 

…

But Will’s not a coward, he’s not a coward. 

“What!- of course I care, Mike!” A flash of something runs across his friend’s(?) face and Mike feels his fingertips buzz.

“Maybe…” and Mike snaps back to reality as Will pauses, some of the fire leaving his eyes. 

“Maybe I didn’t think we were friends anymore-“ 

…

“W-what-” why would he think that, why would he think that. 

“You acted like I was some- some creep or- something that you met on the street.” The fire lights itself again in Will’s eyes as he gets frustrated again and he feels his fingers tingle again. He clenched his fist. 

The hell is this? 

“Sue me if I didn’t think my words held any weight to you anymore.” 

This is wrong, this is so so wrong. A silence blankets the room the only thing cracking through being the taps of rain hitting the house that he can just barely make out in the cover of the basement. Why would Will think that? There’s no way things have gotten that bad. 

… 

Sometimes it did feel that bad though, thinking back all that time he spent in this basement once the Byers left. How it had felt like a hole was in him and a weight was sitting heavy in his chest all at once. Those months had felt like some of the hardest times in his life, maybe second to when Will went missing. Only made worse by the inability to even reach Will because of the stupid phone always being busy. He probably should’ve sent more letters. 

Maybe it had sucked just as bad for Will too. He watches as Will bends over slightly, hiding, and shoulders shaking. Tears hit the carpet beneath them and Mike feels like his heart is shattering.

If he’s being really truly honest with himself, maybe he gets why Will lied. He hadn’t been the nicest honestly. But having to accept that they’d hurt each other in any kinda of way. When it didn’t used to be like this.Promising to go crazy together and everything.It was hard. It’s easier to deny it. 

…Will doesn’t deserve that though. 

“Will-“ his name slips through his thoughts but he can’t find himself mad at it. Will snaps himself back up, movements jerky. The tears still run down his face but he’s angry and Mike feels himself pull towards Will. The tingle taking over his whole body. 

His eyes lock with Wills’ and he pauses in his movements. They’re doing that thing again where it’s like they talk but no words come out and Mike can’t help himself feel some relief because at least that hadn’t changed. 

The tears still tumble down Will’s cheeks but his face slips into something more crestfallen than angry and Mike knows he looks the same as he watches Will’s eye flit around his face eventually tracing a tear that makes its way down Mike’s face. 

He’s really crying right now, Jesus. 

Will sniffles, and looks away after a moment but Mike isn’t done cause there’s just no way he’s going to sit here and let his best friend think they aren’t fucking friends anymore. What the hell- 

He pulls him into a tight hug, and feels like the stars have aligned or something incredibly cheesy but very real feeling has happened. Will is a little caught off guard but he leans heavy against Mike, arms snaking they’re way around and he feels the tingles grow tenfold as it happens.  

“I’m sorry.”

And Mike isn’t surprised when he hears them both say it at the same time. The spot where Will is squished into him warming as he speaks into it . Mikes feeling kinda shitty right now but something almost giddy like flutters in him at the feeling. He burrows himself deeper into Will, hunched over but warm. Nose pressed into the crook of Will’s neck and Mike doesn’t know what he was thinking depriving himself of this when he was in Cali. 

They stay there for a minute just soaking in finally being on the same page before he feels Will tug back gently. And Mike has to shove down a pout at the loss of contact. Will doesn’t step away though ;much to mikes happiness. So he supposes it’s okay and allows his hand to linger around the back of Will’s neck. 

Will holds his arms in his own remnant of their hug and he looks him in the eye. Something bubbles in his chest at the sight. 

“You’re my best friend, Will.” He says, a new type of light dancing in Will’s eyes. 

“And- and I love you, okay? Your words will always matter.” 

A whole flurry of emotions flitter across Will’s face before he settles on something fond.  Mike wipes a few of the tears off of him. 

‘I love you too’ his eyes say, at least that’s what Mike thinks.He could be wrong but Will is looking away and mumbling a soft “I love you too”, shy. And okay so what if Mike is smiling a little too hard now. Sue him! Being told I love you feels nice! 

Will looks back at him, face definitely more red, a sweet look in his eye and Mike heart sings a song he thinks only Will has ever made it sing. 

 “Thanks Mike” 

He thinks he should say ‘I love you’  every time he looks at Will if that means his best friend is gonna look like that every time. 

It’s what his Will deserves and maybe it also makes him feel a little nice too but, so what! He thinks he’s allowed that.  

A smile graces his own face,

“‘course” he says easily and Will is smiling a little brighter too. The tears finally subsiding. 

Mike throws an arm around Will’s shoulder, pulling him closer into him. 

“No more lying though, cool?” 

And he can practically hear the eye roll Will does but he doesn’t miss the fondness in his tone when he lets out a

 “heh- Very cool.” 

Thank goodness.

__________

Edit: i dont know why but i giuess the post is a little broken. I’ll be posting on AO3 so I’ll fix it but for now ill try to figure something out. Thanks for reading C:

There’s also just general chapter edits.

Anyways

_________

Next part >>>

[asterlark]

the thing that gets me so much about the storytelling in knives out is that it's a story within a story within a story- or i guess more accurately, it's a story about multiple stories being told and acted in and against each other. ransom/hugh/supreme scumbag wrote the story of harlan's murder and of pinning the crime on marta; meanwhile, harlan wrote the story of what marla would do in the aftermath of his death and the ensuing investigation.

problem for mr. hugh is, marta is not a flat character or a pawn in his game he can manipulate to his will to ensure he gets away scot free (and, to a lesser extent, despite harlan's insistence and marta's best efforts, marta cannot carry out his lie for long during the high-pressure investigation. even when it's in her own best interest to lie, marta cannot and will not be manipulated into telling a false story). marta is a smart and caring human being who has agency in her narrative- and since she is the heroine, the narrative wants her to win, so she has allies like blanc on her side. blanc mostly doesn't interfere with the stories being told, he observes them and then, as he says, strolls leisurely along the real story- the truth's- axis and eventually comes to its inevitable conclusion. this is when he will step in and act upon the narrative, but only to reveal the truth and to ensure the hero gets the rewards they deserve.

on top of all that, it really gets me how there's a very meta framing device of the primary murder victim in this mystery being a famous murder mystery author, and much of the plot revolving around his efforts to author what his loved ones' lives will be like after his death... and the way hugh's murder plot is like something right out of a harlan mystery novel (to the point that harlan, before he realizes he's about to die, makes a point to write down the method of murder as an ingenious way to kill someone)....... and all that isn't even considering all the stories the family members tell themselves and others about their relationship to harlan, how they view the family legacy, etc.

marta is the heroine precisely because she is not trying to tell a false story for her own gain (as the family accuses her of doing after the reading of the will)- she is simply concerned with carrying out her late friend's wishes and doing right by him. she is probably the only person who really knew harlan, the full truth of him, and was his friend without any selfish agenda. she is a good person, a person who would never try to claim another's story as her own, which is exactly why harlan trusted her with his life, his home, and his legacy. he couldn't have known what would happen, but he knew she would do her best to honor his memory after he was gone. ultimately though, no matter who else tried to write or edit it (including harlan), this is marta's story and hers alone to live and change and discover.

this has been a long post already so i'll end it here but suffice it to say that over four years post-release, i'm still so fascinated by the ways these characters actively try to either rewrite the story playing out in front of them, or reveal the truth at the heart of things (as blanc would say, the hole inside of the donut's hole). this movie just makes my storytelling and puzzle-loving nerd heart go BRRRRR

[neptunedivine]

midheaven observations pt. 1

hi everyone! I hope you’re doing well. I wanted to talk about some midheaven observations I’ve made mentally. I know these aren’t all of them, but these were on my mind at the time. I hope you enjoy the read! :)

aries midheaven ✧ People with this angle either want to be/are the first to do something in their profession or the best at their profession (actually I feel like this could be said for all prominent Aries placements, but I digress). As someone with the placement, I feel like it’s very important for natives to be passionate about their career. Unless they will not want to pursue it.

ex: Celine Dion ✧ Celine Dion has this midheaven and she’s regarded as one of the greatest vocalists of all time. Also, have you heard her sing other songs other than My Heart Will Go On? There’s nothing wrong with that song, it’s a classic for a reason. But I don’t think it displays how fiery her voice is when she sings. Listen to Treat Her Like a Lady, she sounds incredible.

taurus midheaven ✧ Those with Taurus ruling their midheaven will most likely find careers in beauty/beautifying, the arts, and finance. Sidereally, people who have Taurus placements are commonly Aries placements in sidereal astrology (as someone who has her moon in Taurus tropically, but her moon in Aries sidereally). I think the passion and “all or nothing” attitude Aries midheavens have toward their career comes through for Taurus midheavens, but instead of translating as impatience, I see it as stubbornness. Like they won’t get up and storm off if they don’t like what they’re doing careerwise, instead they might do it but they’ll complain the whole time. They also won’t put as much effort into their profession as if they cared about their work.

ex: Tyler the Creator ✧ Have you seen the Jimmy Kimmel interview where Tyler talks about his two jobs before fully committing to music? (I’ll link it below). Not only is it hilarious, but Tyler also explains that he wasn’t happy at either of his jobs. At most he did the minimum to make an income, but he didn’t really care for it. Comparing this to how he talks about his music career, there’s a wild difference. He looks so happy and not only that but excited for the work and projects he gets to do not only in the music industry (which in itself expands past making albums and singles as he scored for a fashion show and for The Grinch film in 2018) but for his brand Golf le Fleur that expands into beauty with fragrances and fashion with the apparel and shoewear he creates (he also has some collaborations with Converse I believe). And, he’s very invested in his collections. I think I saw him geeking over this very rare Gucci or Cartier watch that’s really hard to get but he was gifted it. He’s very proud of his collections and he cares about them a lot (makes sense with Taurus not only being the traditional ruler of the 2H which rules over personal wealth, finances, self-worth, possessions, etc but is opposite Scorpio in the natal chart which in my opinion, I view as very possessive and those traits can be seen in its sister sign). It warms my heart tbh.

scorpio ascendant + leo midheaven ✧ How much do you guys like the spotlight? Like actually? (no, I’m not talking to the Sagittarius risings with a Leo midheaven, I know you guys want that limelight 😂). I feel like it’s not too much, though you always end up getting the attention. I wonder if this is more of an emphasis on the Scorpio Pluto generation than the Sagittarius Pluto generation. I’m not saying this still won’t apply, but I question if it’s to a lesser extent since the Scorpio Pluto generation would have Pluto in their first house rather than their second house. That air of mystery and isolation could be stronger. I feel like I only see you guys when you’re pursuing your profession, almost to get it over with? Like “dang I got to walk this red carpet it’s a part of my job”, you could mask it well but I don’t think you guys really want to be there. As much as you guys may not like it, you’re very talented at what you do.

ex: Frank Ocean ✧ This man casually dropped diamonds (not gems, DIAMONDS) and then he dipped. I feel like his “prime” (I don't like using that term because I have hope he’ll release something again) is regarded so highly. All of his very limited performances, releases, and interview(s?) are put on pedestals and watched over and over again. It almost doesn’t feel right to say he’s one of the greatest in the music industry, in my opinion, because his career lives in its own domain. I haven’t seen a songwriter really compare to him since, other than SZA (i love them both so much it’s insane).

aries ascendant + capricorn midheaven v. capricorn ascendant + libra midheaven ✧ I think all cardinal midheavens have the advantage of having their placement because it allows them to stick to their plans and achieve their goals (the same can be said for fixed midheavens too). But to what extent, depends on what sign is ruling.

ex: Ariana Grande ✧ If we were to look at Ariana Grande, for example, she has a Libra midheaven and a Capricorn ascendant. So she’s set up well for career success and achieving her goals (which is true, she doesn’t have that many fame indicators in her chart, but she does believe in manifestation and has put in the hard work to achieve a lot of her success in the music industry and the perfume industry. Yes, I know she has well-off parents, but do you know how many nepotism babies have the money and still sit on their a**? Yeah…). But, I don’t know if being a businesswoman is as strong of a desire for her as presenting a beautiful aesthetic (which there’s nothing wrong with that!). This can be seen recently with how people feel about R.E.M beauty. Yes, it’s pretty, I’m a sucker for the space aesthetic. But I’ve seen on many occasions where people are not satisfied with the quality of her products.

ex: Rihanna ✧ Now if we look at Rihanna, she's also a very successful woman in the music industry. (I looked them both up on Spotify and Ariana sits at 4th in the world for the number of monthly listeners she has and Rihanna sits at 10th, that’s amazing omg). I think other than Fenty Beauty, she had one perfume launch and a clothing brand that she abandoned…anyway. Fenty Beauty is the most commercially successful celebrity makeup brand, with revenues grossing $570 million. I think with Aries in combination with Capricorn here, paired with the business mindset and goals, there’s again the need to be the first and/or best at what you do. Rihanna shows this with Fenty Beauty and the Fenty brand not only with its massive success but with its inclusivity, from the models she chooses and the shade inclusivity of her makeup products.

✧ I think the difference in these ascendant and midheaven combinations is that with Aries and Capricorn, if the first goal doesn’t work, they’re quick to realize that, ditch it, and move on to the next plan for their success. I feel like that’s what Rihanna did with her fashion brand. With the Libra and Capricorn combination, there’s still a high rate for success, but I don’t think the need for success and winning especially is as strong. I feel as long as everything looks pretty and is going well to their standards, these placements are content.

that’s all for now. if you want to send me a placement that you’d like my observation on, you can leave your requests in my ask box! Please only send three placements per ask, but you can send multiple asks. It just makes it less overwhelming for me. see you later! 💕

[thebottomfromhell]

about the reverse au I thought of an idea where the demon reader ends up seriously injured, perhaps in a fight with another hashira or even a lower hunter and ends up poisoned with wisteria, which makes the wounds difficult to heal (I don't remember if this is canon or no, but whatever). What matters is that his partners find him and are worried that the demon is not healing, having to take care of him while the sun is out, perhaps feeding him with their blood? It can have a happy or sad ending, I leave that to you

Reverse AU is always on my favorites, I will use the poison since it's the one that puts the now Hashira in a moment they must actively help instead of letting reader be in a safe place.

Btw, sorry for disappearing again, I am working on an old project of this same blog, it is a long one, I hope to get it up asap, but I will be still working on the requests.

Reverse AU Male Demon Reader gets poisoned and need to be taken care of

Warnings: Implied manga spoilers, Cannibalism, Explicit injuries, Near-death experiences, Toxic relationships, Sadism, Unrealistic/Unaccurate first-aid/medical aid (it's ok since it's for Oni, but the warning still stands) and Karaku.

Gyutaro:

Gyutaro is a caretaker, he denies it, but he is. Ever since he first saw his little sister in his mother's arms, he became a caretaker. As simple as that. It's not that he feels the need to take care of everyone around him, it's not that he mothers people, it's not even that he dislikes seeing others in pain (he doesn't, he is ok, and even likes seeing others suffer), he just knows when some is special (to him) and he will take care of them. Shelter, nurture, nurse and cherish, it comes natural. So far, only Daki and some other little children (mostly girls) have activated that side of him, but he never thought a man would, much less a demon.

You have trouble breathing, usually that wouldn't be a problem, you don't need to, but you are asphyxiated still. You feel the pains in the throat, a blurred vision, weak muscles, headaches, nausea. You just tremble on the floor caughing, it was not enough to kill you, but it's close. It doesn't help that one of your legs was cut off, so you struggle to move to rest against a tree when more wysteria scent arrives. "Y/N." At first it startles you, the a hand rests on top of your head. You relax, recognizing Gyutaro's touch. He poisons his own blood, and uses the same flower that has you like this. It's painful, and the strong scent is burning your nosedrills even more than they already sting. But...

But you trust him to take care of you. You have several cuts besides the one on your leg, your part of your flesh trying to heal but being deformed as the bone is not healing as fast. Using clothe, tightning around your neck, legs and secluding ever hurt part, he cleans his own weapon of the poison. "You will be fine, ne, just wait a bit. I will help you out, ne." With the pain you are already in you barely feel when he cuts off the injuries that didn't heal correctly and opening every one of the to suck your blood and spit it to the side, knowing he doesn't have to worry about you not breathing or bleeding out, just take the poison out.

You can barely hear his heartbeat with a high pitched noise in the back of your head, but... you think you can tell his heart is beating fast, worried, scared. "I know." He is a caretaker, after all. "Just stay still, ne. I'll feed you after the poison is out of your system, ne."

Gyokko:

Gyokko has never once in his life taken care of anyone that wasn't him and himself (and Hantengu to a lesser extent, but there is a life-debt between them so it doesn't count). He never had siblings nor a tsugoku, a bad relationship with his parents who died when he was a kid, he is rather lonely, but he never minded the quiet and peace it brings. It's a good space for an artist, with no more than the spontaneous lovers, you included.

Honestly? He is enjoying it, having your head on his lap as he strokes the sides of your forehead, hearing cough and sob from the pain of the poison. He touch makes it barely bearable, since there is something both comforting and edge putting of Gyokko's hand, there has always been, part of you is waiting to be stabbed while the other leans into the warm flesh. "You have always been so cute when in pain, handsome." You can barely hear it or see him, everything hurts so much.

You have one arm cut, but can still feel the burning sensations of the poison killing your cells through it, you only remember that Gyokko, for some reason, was the one who killed the slayer that poisoned you. "Now, you should really heal up, don't you think? I didn't save you because you are good-looking, toy. I might have to throw you if you are not able to continue playing my game." It's a threat, you know that, you know that you need to heal, you want to heal!

"I... can't..." your voice is rough, your heart beats fast in fear and realization, you aren't healing by your own. Then, you feel fingers against your lips, opening your mouth as the digits make their way to press against your teeth. You feel the blood slip through your cavity and throat, your tongue presses as you feel an eyeball against it, instenctly closing your mouth to eat, finger working your lips apart as your teeth work with the flesh. "That is better."

Hantengu:

Hantengu is paralyzed, barely breathing, out of fear. His legs already gape up, he is just down on the ground, leaning to the side, as he watches you cough. You have several cuts that are not healing, why aren't you healing? You are a demon, you shouldn't be able to die with a head on your shoulders. And yet he can see the cut in your throat, not enough to decapitate, but enough to have problems holding your head in position.

You try to stand, to move, but your limbs refuse to hold up more than a few steps before falling again, trembling like a newborn lamb. You hate it, the sence of being afraid and defenceless, easy to hurt and kill. You haven't felt like that in a long time, ever since you became a demon, you were never this. The pain is unbearable, and you don't even know how much time you have before the sun rises. There is a pitch in the back of your head that blurs sounds and your vision, and your nose is basically burning with wysteria.

But even with that, you can make out the sobs and havy breathing of Hantengu, so you turn to look at him. You don't know if you should ask for help or not, but by now you can go to him. Still, you call him out, voice rough and throat in pain, vibrations on the vocal cords making a particular sting and ick. "Hanten-.... Han..... gu..." He calms himself after hearing his name, walking towards to the check you up.

"Y/N, you-" he doesn't even know how to continue, then he sees the corpse of the slayer you killed. The one who poisoned you. He runs, cut a bit of the flesh with his weapon, before going back to you. He puts the piece in your mouth, only for you to instantly dig into the taste. "Eeeeeck!" He flinches and takes some steps back as you chew. You will heal, at least.

Sekido:

"Hey... what do you think you are doing? Shouldn't you be healing right now?" Sekido is angry, he is always angry. Or at least he would like to be always angry, to be able to not feel fear, or sadness, or even love. Anything that will give others something to use against him, using rage as a shield. So he only shows he is annoyed that you are in the ground, panting painfully loud, bleeding out eternaly as more blood regenerates, every time less thick and colorful. "You can't be this useless."

Right, one of your main weakness are these flowers, the ones in the blade of the slayer. You were to weak to even kill that random fellow, but Sekido had to take it into his own hands since he couldn't let the organization he is actually making deals with demons. He might have gotten away with it if he was a Hashira, or maybe not, but the fact that the other slayer knew too much still stands. "Are you even listening? You, piece of shit!"

Nothing, your agonizing moans and violent coughs cone out your mouth, and Sekido doesn't know what to do but frown. Part of him considers to just leave, look for his brothers and let all this slide. You were not supposed to be found together, nor get wisteria in your body, but it happened and so he directs every fear and sorrow into his main emotion. "Why do I waste my time with you?" He asks, not willing to admit, even to himself, that he wants to stay with you, that he wants to help.

But he does, after some thought. "You better peove yourself worth of this." He says as he takes the corpse near you, and seeing you have problems moving to eat it, he shoves a whole limb into your mouth. "Man up, will you? None of us has all night!" And this is the only way he will allow himself to show that he cares.

Karaku:

Karaku is not amused right now, he was followed by another slayer into the meetings, you hot poisoned and he almost got snitched. "Handsome, why did you take the hit? You know I can take care of myself." He talks, mostly for himself, because he doesn't like the option of being quiet, listening to your groans and coughs. Half of your neck was cut, your head basically hanging from it's base from the skin, exposing the flesh, bones and fibers that compose the insides of your throat.

He takes you to somewhere safer, at least put some distance between the corpse and both of you. He helps you lean against a tree, resting against your back as he gets to the level of your head before you, not really knowing what to do. Karaku was never good at medicine, and he never had to deal with an almost decapitated man. "So... I guess none of us is having fun, huh?" He says, laughing to gain confidence to grab your head on it's original position.

"Mnn... you are not healing as fast as usual, and there is a lot of purple in your skin." Karaku is growing concerned, specially as your eyes seem unfocused and you don't answer him at all. "Maybe you need something to eat..." now he regrets leaving the corpse behind, but there is little more you can do. Your cough is worse and you behin to sob with a sore throat as the poisoned cells try to regenerate. "Seems there is no choice, try to not suck me whole, will ya?"

He presses his thumbs against your fangs, internally praying you won't bite them off. But you do gulp the blood, biting into the digits, as you heal. It will get better.

Urogi:

Urogi doesn't really know anything about taking care of others, stalking about first aid and medicine specifically. Sure, he can help with a broken or springled limb and cover a wound, then help the hurted person, usually one of his siblings, to get to a proper medic. He doesn't know what to do in case of poisoning, besides vomiting whatever you ingested if that is how you got it. But you didn't eat the poison, it was basically forced into your system with a cut.

"Y/N! Y/N! Are you ok? Can you hear me?" He is worried, Urogi doesn't like seeing people he likes getting hurt, he is quite protective, so this feeling of impotence seeing you lie down, coughing blood and poison, heavily breathing, bleeding out, trembling with an unfocused vision... it scares him. "Hey! Speak to me! Y/N! Don't you dare dying!" You have to calm down, also feeeling hurt and afraid, before being able to speak quietly, every word making your throat burn. "Uro... gi...."

He seems to light up a little when he hears his name, grabing your face by the sides softly, or as softly as he can right now. "Yes! Yes, it's me! Urogi! I will help you, I'll find a way!" He tries to remember what the others told him to do in case he was poisoned, the use of harming substances it not weird in Demon Blood Arts, but most of it it's just reducing the effects and propagation of those content in the body until he gets to an actual medic... that won't be helpful.

"My blood! You can drink my blood!" He can hear Sekido in the back of his head insulting him for the idea alone, but he doesn't know what else to do (like using the corpse near by). Still, he is willing to take the risk, opening a cut in his wrist to feed you while grinning cheerfuly. "Here, drink." And you do.

Aizetsu:

Aizetsu knows how to heal others, even when toxines and poisons are included, it's not weird to face Blood Demon Arts that take advantage of the reactions of human bodies when certain elements take over, certainly more common that humans using wisteria. "So sad..." that only makes this even worse, the chances were low and still you got hit by bad luck and a poisoned katana. "You look so pathetic right now. Can you even hear me? Or the headache, dizziness and the fact that all your senses are slowly and painfully shutting down don't let you understand what I'm saying?"

There is a high pitch, you can't really make up what he is saying, but you know Aizetsu is there. You have faith that he might feel pity for you, as you cough and decide to ask for help. "Ai... Aize... tsu..." it's weak, a painful whisper, but you were hear none the less. Aizetsu takes his spear, considering giving you a quick death, definetely better that all the pain you look in. You are dying, and even if you weren't, there is no way you could heal before sunrise.

You don't heal the same way as humans, another and weaker part of him considers experimenting his new ideas of using breathing forms for healing on you. It's an incredible oportunity, and it would help to make up for the lives you have taken, including the one of the fellow who you just killed, after he poisoned you. But again, that is a very weak thought, maybe his brothers would but Aizetsu? He doesn't have the heart for it.

"I don't want you to die." That is all he says before going for said corpse and take some of hia flesh. Then he helps you sit down as he grabs some pieces of human meat. "Eat and heal. And don't make me regret ir." And, going against every code from hsi work, Aizetsu aids you.

Akaza:

Akaza panics for a moment, he always panics when someome is hurt. He hates poison, loathes every person that uses it in battle, being Gyutaro the only he actually respects but still disapproves of his technique. But the other Hashira is a different case, Gyutaro doesn't use poison because he is weak and a backstabber, he uses it because he is desperate to use and do anything to be able to protect his sister. He is a protector, a caretaker.

Akaza used to be one, too. He used to nurse, to nurture, to shelter and cherish too. It's been years, though, and he has not taken care of anyone that way again, besides from time to time giving first aid to other slayers or victims of the demons, but besides that? He can't care enough, but that jumpy instict always tells him to protect before fading away in the reminder there is no person left that he wants to protect. Or at least it shouldn't be, because you shouldn't count.

You are poisoned, everything hurts, you can barely breath and you can't even stand with a missing leg. While his heart is beating fast, he tries to check up on you, purple skin and flesh on the edges of the cut with a potent smell of wisteria. A very weak bone is growing slowly, with holes and spots, you keep bleeding and the muscles seem to melt as the fibers join each other. "Y/N! Can you hear me?" You nod, still in pain, relaxing as he seems willing to take care of you in this moments of need.

"Ok, don't worry. You will be fine. I think I will need to cut the parts that aren't healing good enough, then I'l try feeding you. Tell me if you need a break." You nod again, you are in good hands.

Douma:

Douma just sits, waiting for you to heal. He barely reacts to the fact that you are not. Demons die and agonize all the time around him, you are not a first nor will be the last. He is honestly more concerned in what to do with the corpse of the slayer that poisoned you. Should he perform some rites? Just let it rot? Call someone? Honestly, he always deals with half-eating corpses, but this one looks fine. Is odd that, being so hurt, you didn't try to est it.

"Maybe I should have paid more attention all the times Nakime-chan and Kokushibou-san explained the protocols. Don't you think that, Y/N?" No answer, you can just hear his voice being distorted at the distance, head aching and burning up with the rest of your body, trembling as it's becoming numb and cold, but it feels hot, like a fire consuming. You can barely see the blurs of Douma's colors towards his direction, but knowing him, you can make up the gestures.

He tilts his head at your reaction before getting close, chuckling loudly. Once he is a few steps away from you, he sits the same way he used to when he was the main figure of a cult, when said cult existed. Demons are the reason it doesn't, demons ended his life, everything he knew... but he isn't mad, at least he doesn't think he is. While Douma does enjoy seeing you suffer, he doesn't believe this makes up for the past or that you specifically deserve the agony. He is just... he likes it, it makes something.

"My, my, you poor thing. I happen to be kindhearted, so I can't look the other way. You are going to die any minute now. I'll give you some blood!" He cuts the palm of his hands, feeling the pain... feeling something that he can't comprehend. But he is used to it, just like he is used to keep you around. Don't think much of it.

Kokushibou:

Kokushibou can only look at you for a while, he has seen agonizing demons through more than half of his life, and he always did the same for every one of them, stare. For a while he considers just leaving, while you managed to kill the slayer that poisoned you, you are not healing nor able to move, coughing in pain as you lie down. The sun will come up sooner or later, nothing garantees that you will heal by then or won't be able to. Your body fights to heal, to regenerate the ills cells if only for the sake of getting all your limbs again.

He does consider leave, you can't even tell he is here. He considers having some sort of mercy and killing you himself, he is not a doctor or healer of any type. He never had a fight where he was hurt to the same point you were, never got poisoned so concentrated that it actually weakened his limbs and deteriorated his organs enough to leave him agonizing on the ground after the fight instead of getting medical assistance. And the people that take care of him would not take care of you, even if he told them to.

"Y/N." He calls out instead, but you don't answer. He should kill you right now, specially after you just killed a demon slayer, but... he doesn't want you to die. He gets close to you, knees on the ground as you sit spread, using your arms behind your nack for support. It's familiar, but he was on the other side. There is so many ways an irony can fit he doesn't want to think about it. Instead, he takes out his katana, black and red, and cuts his own wrist.

You basically use all your strengh to basically jump over him out of instinc at the sense of food, safety and power the scent always meant. He lets you bite into his arm, sword still on hand in case you try to rip it off. You didn't, you relax the second blood touches your tongue as you suck the liquid slowly, weak but healing. You will be alright.

[kay-elle-cee]

I would love to know about James' feelings that time they first meet eyes years later. Directors take OR a James POV 😍

HELLO Athena! Thank you for your patience since I've saved this in my inbox to answer after the final chapter of i'll be fine, i'll be good went live. Answer below the cut! (And a reminder that anyone can ask me for thoughts/Director’s Cut for any of my fics at any time!)

(sorry I tried to refine this but it still ended up a bit word vomity!)

ALRIGHT so we learn in chapter six that James was, in fact, really broken up about Lily for awhile (I mean....that's not particularly a spoiler, is it?). I like to think that by the time James sees Lily—like walking into the shop and having face-to-face interaction with her for the first time since he told her he loved her all those years ago (oh my god ow)—he's really processed everything and made peace with it all. He's had his eyes opened a little bit more by his work with the Order to just how difficult and dangerous it was for her. He's forgiven her, and he understands (to an extent) her actions, but he also knows that because of this he can't really be mad at her, and he just...is trying to be as normal as he can (even though a part of him misses her). So he has to be careful.

He's known she's worked at that apothecary for years. Remus absolutely told him immediately (well, maybe not immediately, but definitely within that first month). And he's likely agonized time and time again on if he should go in, how bad would it be to look through the window, maybe one of us should just, like, make sure she's okay...But then you have Sirius (and to a lesser extent Remus and Peter) reminding James of what kind of toll Lily took on him last time, reminding him that if she wanted to see him, she could reach out, reminding him how far he's come and fuck Evans because she hurt you. And James, even if he doesn't feel Sirius' anger at the whole situation, maybe listens to this, lets it bolster him to keep his resolve hardened and his guard up.

But then he gets paired up with Sam for the potions run. And he definitely panics and feeds her some BS line about him needing to wait outside so they're not ambushed in the shop and she's like whatever you weirdo I'm going to go see this really interesting girl I met and could definitely be friends with YOUR LOSS. And then she's chatting and he's out there just getting so nervous because what if Sam lets it spill to Lily that he's out here and then they get to talking, what would Lily say would Lily be mad would she want to say hi why do I care so much about what Lily thinks? He's done so well at living his life in a post-Lily world but suddenly everytime he's around this shop she's just there on his mind. So he gets a little overwhelmed and opens that little door and tells Sam to hurry up without ever looking in because he knows there's a real possibility that the second he sees Lily (really sees her) this resolve he has might crumble.*

*And I think it's important to note here that I'm not suggesting James would fall to her feet and confess his love with one glance, but he'd be James. He'd be kind (maybe too kind), and he suspects that somewhere in his heart he still loves her and is worried that it'd be too easy to fall back into that pattern after all the work he's done.

But yeah so he and Sam leave and he's in the all clear but then he gets injured in the field and Sam has to leave and suddenly he's in charge of the potions supply runs and he has no other choice—he has to SEE HER. He spends the whole morning fretting, trying to remain calm, trying not to run scenarios through his head and telling himself he can do it, that it's no big deal—he's just a patron and she's just a shopkeep. (He's definitely not looking forward to it, even if he had all of those musings about dipping in and seeing her over the last few years—that's idealistic James and this is practical James.) I think he goes so far as to even try to remember some of the anger he had felt towards her at one point of time—really grasping for anything to make sure and keep that distance between them. But it's this weird thing because Remus told him about the Snape encounter so he's also a little worried about her and it's this tightrope of keeping things professional. Not concerned, not angry, but something neutral in between.

And then he sees her. And he thought he was prepared, and he was so, so wrong. There's pain, when their eyes meet. The last time he looked into them echoes in his mind and there's pain and a little bit of that anger comes back and maybe it's anger at her but maybe it's also a little bit of anger for himself—for not understanding her as well as he feels he should have. But he leans on the anger, only giving her the shortest of answers, and he leaves. And he thinks: I can do this.

And when he gets sent again, he holds onto that anger a bit tighter and tries to ignore the undeniable way his heart beats faster when that bell over the door rings.

Listen I might do a James POV of some scenes one day, if the urge strikes and people are interested, who knows?

[mountain-in-springtime]

lying eyes

pairing: jake x reader, josh x reader | word count: 1.2k | warnings: kissing (?), implications and mentions of nsfw, cheating/infidelity | my masterlist

summary: the reader is torn when she must choose between the two loves of her life

author's note: so this is way angstier than anything else i've written, but i hope y'all like it anyway. i really enjoyed writing it. also, this fic is inspired by the song lyin' eyes by the eagles (as well as love you goodbye by one direction but to a much lesser extent)

*******************************************************

Your eyes slowly drifted open, vision blurry with sleep as you took in your surroundings. The room was still and engulfed by the darkness of the night, but you could make out your discarded clothes on the floor, paired by Jake’s thrown beside yours. A smile drifted onto your face as you remembered the events that occurred just a few hours earlier, but it soon faltered as you felt a familiar weight begin to find its place in your heart.

You slowly turned your head, careful not to wake the man beside you. His arm was wrapped securely around your waist, pulling you flush against him, and his face was marked with the look of peaceful slumber. At this moment, you swore that he had never looked more angelic. You desperately wanted to reach out to him. You wanted to run your hands over his features and comb your hands through his hair, burning each one into your memory so that you may never forget how he felt. 

But the longer you looked at Jake, the more you were reminded of why you shouldn’t be here. You contemplated pushing back your guilt and going back to sleep, allowing yourself to find solace in your love for at least a few more hours, but the sinking feeling in your chest grew until it became unbearable. You reluctantly peeled yourself from his grip, your heart breaking upon hearing a small whimper leave his sleeping form. As you crossed the bedroom floor, you tried to remain as quiet as possible, picking up your clothes and quickly getting dressed. Before you could leave, however, you heard the rustling of sheets behind you, followed by the voice of the man you were trying to forget. 

“You’re leaving?” Jake’s question hung in the air. Fighting against yourself, you kept your back turned to him, willing yourself to answer. 

“I have to, Jake. You know that.” Your voice was ice cold, and you hated yourself for it.

“No, you don’t,” was his response, barely above a whisper.

A long sigh left your lips as you collected yourself, forcing your voice to remain even. “What other choice do I have?” you asked him. The question sounded like a desperate plea as if you were begging him for a way out. 

He fell silent for a moment before giving you the one alternative you couldn’t take: “You could stay.”

You shook your head as tears began to blur your vision. “I can’t,” was the only reply you could manage. You reached for your purse on the dresser and moved toward the bedroom door. You told yourself that this was the last time. As soon as you touched the doorknob, you would be a new woman, a better woman, but your hand stopped short as Jake’s voice filled the room again.

“So that’s it?” he asked, “You’re just gonna go back to him and pretend like nothing ever happened between us?” The hurt in his tone was undeniable, and it broke your heart to know that it was all your fault. 

You finally turned to face him, and you immediately regretted it. Seeing the rise and fall of his bare chest paired with the soft expanse of his relaxed stomach made you want to rush into his arms and feel his touch against you, but one look at his face solidified why you could never do so again. Looking into his pained eyes, you were reminded of your other love, and you knew that he would feel the same anguish if he knew where you were. That was the thought that plagued your mind as you nodded at Jake, betraying your own heart, and answered him with a quiet, “That’s the way it has to be.”

“So it all meant nothing to you?” he murmured as tears threatened to shake his voice, “I make love to you and share a bed with you, and it means nothing?” The questions were absent of any animosity, instead carrying all the pain and desperation in his being.

Warm tears began to roll down your cheeks as you shook your head. “It meant everything, Jake. You know it did.” 

He rose to meet you and began his plea, “Then why does it have to end? I love you. Can’t that be enough for you to at least try? I know things seem messy, but if we love each other then none of that matters.” His hands reach out to grab yours, but you pull them away. 

“Jake,” you answered, your voice reverting back to its cold infliction, “I’ve made up my mind. There’s nothing you can do to change my decision.” You looked away from him, reaching for the doorknob until his hand gripped your forearm. 

“Wait,” he whispered. You turned to face him, and his hand found the back of your neck, pulling you into one final kiss. Against your better judgment, you melted into his touch. One of your hands moved to grip his bicep while the other found its way into his hair, tugging at the locks at the base of his neck. Small whimpers left you as he devoured you, allowing all of his passion to flow out of him. His hands traveled across your whole figure, knowing each touch would have to be enough for a lifetime. 

As you eventually pulled away, you felt him lingering against your skin, afraid to let go for the last time. Making the move for him, you took a step back, removing yourself from his reach. “I’m sorry, Jake,” you whispered as your hand finally turned the doorknob, “Goodbye.” And with that, you disappeared behind the door, leaving behind the man you loved. 

After a long drive home, your vehicle finally approached your driveway. You looked at yourself in the rearview mirror, making sure to remove any smudged makeup that could reveal the tears you had shed earlier in the night. You pulled into the garage and took one final breath before turning the key and exiting the car.

For the second time tonight, you tried to be as quiet as possible, unlocking the front door and slipping into your bedroom to don your pajamas. Glancing behind you, you saw your husband’s sleeping form, his mess of curls unruly but his face relaxed and angelic. Your heart ached as you were reminded of your love left behind, and you prayed to yourself that you could save the love you had left. 

Once clad in your nightclothes, you slowly climbed into bed. Your lover gently stirred as his eyes fluttered open. A small smile graced his lips, and his arms wrapped around you, pulling you into his bare chest. “Hey, baby,” he greeted, planting a sweet kiss to your forehead, “I missed you.” 

“I missed you, too, Josh,” you replied as you felt him nuzzle into the crook of your neck, “Sorry I’m back so late, me and the girls lost track of time.” The lie burned as it passed through your lips.

He softly shook his head, “That’s alright. I’m just glad you had fun.” He pulled you in for another kiss, his lips lingering against yours as they curled into another smile, “I love you.”

A moment of silence fell between you until you finally answered, mumbling a quiet, “I love you,” in return. You molded into his embrace, trying to find comfort in his arms as silent tears fell down your face, only stopping once you were fast asleep. And in the night, your husband found himself fighting back the same tears, knowing that your love was both one he had to share and one he couldn't live without.

taglist: @westernwoods @sunfl0wer-power @gold-mines-melting @alwaysonthemend @andtherestishistory13

[faejilly]

so I wanted to riff off of @alexanderlightweight's response to the Alec/Bow/Quiver/summoning meta post by @ralfstrashcan that I reblogged recently, but also I didn't want it to get lost in an increasingly long reblog chain, so I'm gonna quote and start over here:

100%

my headcanon is that it's alec's shadowhunter ability like clary's rune ability and apparently the herondale ghost talking ability(??)

if we really want to take it a step further. we can even talk about how izzy has specially made weapons that have to be super tricky to use which means weapons ability

but that's just my brain. which made that one scene where alec goes back to the institute make no sense, to retrieve his bow because literally every other time he doesn't need to (they just wanted to give clace the training moment and set up the whole hodge thing)

1: I also think Alec's 'have to go get a bow' is just an excuse, but he's using it to a) get away from Jace behaving incomprehensibly & Clary being So Very Clary, AND b) to cover their tracks now that he's realized just HOW comprehensively his siblings are going to go off the rails in the next day or so. (And on a narrative level I really like the scene with Hodge so I'm glad it exists. 😅)

2: I headcanon that part of the reason Alec (& to a lesser extent but still noticeably so, Izzy) can get away with pushing so many Clave/Nephilim boundaries without actually getting deruned despite their parents being on Thin Fucking Ice™️ with well, everyone, is that they have inherited both Family Traits and that's valuable enough (especially after all the losses during and after the Uprising) that the Clave really really doesn't want to get rid of them.

(Similarly, there's some hope that Jace and/or his expected children might show signs of the Wayland traits coming to life again as they've died out otherwise. Obviously that goes a bit sideways once they finally pick up on How Very Herondale he is, but luckily he's Herondale so that's still a benefit.)

Truebloods: very literally truth-tellers. Variations on their skills include the ability to recognize lies, off the charts charisma when they are invoking what they believe to be the truth, and an ability to make the most awkward truths palatable to audiences that normally wouldn't want to engage with them. They were traditionally the guardians of the Soul Sword whenever it left the City of Bones, but that honor faded away over the years as the Council with the Consul/Inquisitor as heads centralized power in their own hands.

Izzy can be seen doing this during her trial, because even when her personal behavior has included digs & microaggressions against Downworlders, she believes that they as a people can and should do better and her speech clearly works in-universe because of that resonance of truth.

(She even occasionally manages the sincere/heart-felt clunky dialogue that works despite being clunky that Alec's so good at, and poor Jace doesn't, despite his best attempts, because for all he's a Lightwood in every other way that matters, he's not actually part Trueblood.)

Maryse has several hints of Alec's same blunt (inexplicably successful) sincerity once she lets herself stop hiding behind Politics & Expectations. When she's upset with Izzy about spending time with the Seelie in s1, she has a line that always felt very self-recriminating to me; (I'm paraphrasing here since I'm too lazy to pull up the script or episode): 'never trust a people who can't lie, they'll find more imaginative ways to stab you in the back'. She knows this about the Seelie because it's what she's always done.

(Alec's shock at his parents being in the Circle can't be because it's against their politics as they've never really tried to behave better. Perhaps it's because it never occurred to him that they could lie that well. Especially his mother, since he has a much better relationship with her than Robert.)

This means that Maryse buying into Valentine's rhetoric was invaluable to him, because she could back him up and help make sure people would fall for it, because she was a Trueblood. Equally, when she turns, that is part of why the Clave lets them back in. Her vow to now toe the party line is completely believable, because she promised on her children... who are also Truebloods.

This also means that their bloodline is one that would not always be popular since they can call out power when it's behaving badly; thus the apparent decline of Trueblood standing in the way that the show refuses to ever really acknowledge it in the present day timeline, and instead talks about Lightwood honor.

(But countered in the way The Clave doesn't move directly against Alec Lightwood, HotI, despite gay and living with a Downworlder, despite how much clear disdain he has for so many of them and their policies. They aren't willing to risk what a Trueblood could do if pushed into active rebellion.)

Lightwoods have a much more palatable martial gift. Their affinity for the adamas in their weapons means they can bond with them, sometimes strongly enough to summon them, manipulate them in the field, adapt them and rune them and enhance them in ways most Shadowhunters can't. (We never see anyone doing anything resembling Alec runing his arrows in s1 after all. What if most of them can't?)

As shown by Izzy in s3 as Weapon's Master, in Alec's ability to beat his parabatai (the supposed best fighter of a generation) when they're sparring with weapons even if he loses once they get to hand-to-hand, Izzy's unique skill with a whip, Alec fighting with everything he gets his hands on, from seraph blades to his signature bow to actual arrows for stabbing. (As seen in everything in ralf's original meta post and delightful fic.)

There's even something in the fact that Izzy was interested in joining the Iron Sisters (which while prestigious also involves even more sacrifice from a people who have to sacrifice a lot already and are thus vital enough that they let Cleophas join despite her past because they needed her) and yet Izzy stayed active duty -- and presumably eventually marriageable.

(I frequently wonder if part of why she chose to make herself as unpalatable as possible for a traditional/political match was a lingering bit of awareness that that was what The Clave most wanted from her, regardless of who she wanted to be.)

ALSO! There has to be a reason that Robert Lightwood was valuable enough to keep even when they got rid of Maryse, a reason the show reiterates Lightwood honor over and over again, a reason he & Maryse got to be co-Heads of an Institute (even if the general fanon that they were more constrained than most Proper Heads does fit what little we see), and we never actually see Robert fighting or sparring, but we are repeatedly told that his children are the best of the best.

But it's seldom mentioned as a compliment, is it? More like an expectation. They're Lightwoods, they have to be the best with their weapons, or what is the point of them? It's just another weight added to Alec's so-called crown, another expectation Izzy has to both flaunt and fight against every day so she can have at least a little bit of herself left to hold onto.

(The one thing Jace is good at, the one bit of the monster his father built that helps; he's as good with a blade as a Lightwood. It's the only thing that gives him hope for redemption, the only thing that gives him enough conviction to ask Alec to be his parabatai and protect his soul from himself.)

[fallenclan]

hello, it is me, here with ANOTHER potential deputy list. essentially i'll list cats i think are viable options and give some reasoning behind my choices. i also tried to account for age when picking

YEWBERRY---the oldest contender on the list. yewberry used to have the insecure trait and currently is ambitious. combining these together, i'm not sure if he'd be a particularly good deputy and (as beetle has stated) he would probably feel stressed being in charge of other cats. HOWEVER, i believe he would want to be deputy. yewberry has a lot of narrative potential for wanting to be deputy, with him seeking to escape otterslip's legacy and "prove" himself. i believe brambletuft and ivybounce would both be with him a lot and offering her support to him, and to a lesser extent, poppyfeather.

POPPYFEATHER---my number one choice. she has the perfect combination of traits: charismatic, vengeful, and eloquent speaker. she would be a cat who'd be great at convincing cats to see her point of view and in general "inspiring" cats. i like to think she has a bit of a grudge against the other clans ever since henryclaw's mysterious death, with the shallowclan war only worsening this. poppyfeather would be a well-respected deputy but also a lot of cats would probably get an "off" vibe from her. her vindictive nature is lesser known to the clan, but she isn't someone you want to cross. going with the lore stating that the deputy picks a successor, i think crowflame would realistically either choose poppyfeather or antbite. poppyfeather is the more experienced of the two, and also would avoid claims of nepotism. anyway. she's the perfect choice imo. not that much older than cherrystar also.

MOOSEFALL---he, along with the previous two, was also on my last deputy contender list. my old points still remain. i think moosefall would be a kind-hearted and compassionate deputy but have trouble with being easily influenced by his family and friends. he could potentially be a bit gullible or swayed too quickly. still, his heart is in the right place and he would always try to do what's best for his clan.

ANTBITE---antbite would be a serious, no-nonsense deputy. he would get things done. lionsong's death has definitely made him even more reserved (if that's even possible) so i doubt he'd be the type of deputy that cats support for his charm/speaking skills, but rather for his orderliness and hardworking attitude. i believe antbite would have trouble thinking outside of the box and would probably get stuck in the same old routines pretty easily. in other words, a lot of younger cats especially would be complaining about him being a killjoy. but he gets the job done! 2nd place choice

SALMONSKIP---she might be chaotic and silly, but i believe that as she's gotten older she's also gotten more mature. she works hard while also knowing how to have fun. cats generally like her and she's good at making everyone feel right at home. she leads with her heart, not her head, which can lead to her making mistakes, but she's always willing to admit when she's wrong (although many consider her to be stubborn, she is actually quite capable of seeing when she has made a mistake---she will never back down on her opinions, though). whilst cherrystar is wise and a lot more careful, salmonskip is a risk-taker. she'd definitely push cherrystar out of her comfort zone (for the better!).

MOSSFROG---the child prodigy, now a mother. i love mossfrog. she's quiet and unassuming but shockingly clever. she's always coming up with ingenius ideas and no cat can dispute that she's brilliant. her social skills might be lacking, but i believe motherhood will soften her somewhat. she doesn't say much, but when she speaks it's always worth listening. she would make an excellent deputy however i do believe the role would cause her a lot of stress, at least at first. i think rustbee and salmonskip's support would help her a lot, though!

BOULDERSTEP---not much to say on this one. food for thought.

RUSSETFLARE---one of my favorite cats, actually. she's a bit of a goofball but i believe she'd make a good deputy. she's very good at influencing others however she always has their best interests at heart. she's open to new ideas and experiences and genuinely loves her clan. russetflare inspires a sense of comradery and warmth everywhere she goes. she might not be the most clever or most talented cat, but she's definitely got a lot of potential - and she has an entire friend group (juniperfoot, sandsnap, myrtleclaw, feathersight, ospreyswipe, cinderstone, ramstep) to back her up!

JUNIPERFOOT---she's cool, she's clever, she's funny. juniperfoot might often be overlooked compared to her siblings, but she also has a lot of potential. as a deputy she'd use her shrewdness to solve problems. i believe she'd be very organized (like antbite) but also open to new ideas and concepts. she'd often look to senior warriors for advice, valueing the unique perspectives of her clanmates. juniperfoot is my 3rd choice (personally she's my 2nd but due to her lack of relationship with crowflame i've bumped her down to 3rd).

there were of course many options, but these are my top picks

tldr; top deputy contenders imo are yewberry, poppyfeather, moosefall, antbite, salmonskip, mossfrog, boulderstep, russetflare, and juniperfoot

-🐉

OOOGH such a good list. big fan of your thoughts on Juniperfoot especially, I hadn't considered choosing her, but she's actually a fantastic choice. the only relationship Crowflame has with her though is a tiiiiny bit of Respect, so in lore I don't see it as very likely, but she's absolutely on my list now

[charlottesbookclub]

Hello there!

I'm the main from @notfoundfootage , I came here to thank you for sharing your beautiful writing with us mere mortals! Your portrayal of Alistair is so good, you and @frodoshaggins do such an excellent job with this, my little heart be damned.

What do you think Alistair thinks of a partner/friend that wants to become a vampire?

Omg think about being buried in the woods with him !!!! Cuddling under a mossy tree !!!! Like lil turtles in winter!!!!

Meanwhile Carlisle is in the background happy that Alistair found a companion but questioning their life choices 🙂👍

hi my dear!! 💖

ahhhhhhhhh thank you sooooooo much for your super sweet words!!!!!! I am blushing, giggling, kicking my feet rn like this is so nice ahhhhh 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

honestly I'm having such a good time writing him (both in his historical timeline and in the modern one ☺️) and it was genuinely such a pleasant surprise to find people here who still wanted to read stuff for him! I mean, I think there's like 3-5 of us, but everyone's enthusiasm and kindness has made it feel like such a wonderful and welcoming community! team alistair is small but mighty I guess ☺️💕

okay also I was so excited about your question that I wrote maybe a bit too much, so I'm putting my answer to that under the cut! 🥰🥰

and omg my first official tumblr alistair meta question I'm so excited!!!!!! um okay so I think that if he were with someone who wanted to become a vampire, I think initially there would be a little bit of like "wait... you want... this??" and not in an angsty or religious-guilt way à la edward (and carlisle to a lesser extent) but in more of the sense that I think alistair is very.......... conflicted on vampirism as a concept. his transformation was hugely traumatic, and (at least in my interpretation of his character/backstory, which will eventually be addressed in "king of all birds" 😈) I think he lived for quite a while in confusion about what he actually was, which likely only furthered the trauma he was already experiencing. additionally, his entire vampire life has pretty much been lived in fear and on the run from various threats (both real and imagined), so it doesn't seem like he was exactly enjoying his time as a vampire

however, I think that at his core, alistair is a very practical person, and he realizes that being a vampire is the hand he's been dealt, so he just kinda.... goes with it?? I think he also realizes that in some ways, his transformation (and the events that occurred as a result of it) saved him from a lot of complications that were piling up in his human life, so there's also a strange sense of almost gratitude that further complicates his ideas on vampirism. also, in this scenario, it was him being a vampire that led to him finding his partner/friend, so there's also some gratitude that this very long life of isolation and fear finally led to something wonderful and good

but now that I've waxed poetic on alistair's complicated thoughts on vampirism (which was also not the question you asked, so I'm very sorry for going so far off course here 😭😅) I'm going to completely agree with @frodoshaggins assessment of this situation as they lay out in their sfw headcanons post (letter W) that alistair would end up changing his partner because he couldn't imagine living without them now that he knows how happy he can be (*cue "All I've Ever Known" from Hadestown*) 🥹🥹 so in the situation where his partner actually wanted to be changed, I do think he would experience a lot less stress over it, since he would come to the conclusion that he needed to do it eventually anyway 💕

and omg yes once they are both vampires they will ABSOLUTELY be sleeping in the moss!!!!! so frickin cuuuuute 🥹🥹 or like a nice little hollow tree covered in ferns??? top tier snuggle spots for alistair and his vampire partner 🥰🥰

and lmaooooooo carlisle and all the more "human-ish" vampires being like "uhhhhhh okay I guess" I'm WEEPING 😆😆 alistair and his partner visit just like covered in little bits of moss and lichens and esme is like "carlisle they are ruining my clean house why tf did you invite them??" and carlisle is just like "sorry babe I genuinely did not think that finding a partner would make alistair more weird but here we are I guess" 😆😆

okay, now that I've written a full novel here, I'm so sorry this got so long! 😭😭 I am clearly Not Normal™️ about this man

but thank you so much again for this absolutely lovely ask, and feel free to pop back into the ol' inbox anytime, I'm always excited to talk about alistair or anything else!!!! ☺️💕🥰💖

[alexandraisyes]

A small ramble about Eclipse's therapy

Okay, so this is all copy-pasted from Discord where I was going through it minute by agonizing minute and just rambling my little heart out

This episode. Specifically this one. Ramble under cut.

Reminders before I talk about this! Eclipse is confirmed to have ASPD in canon. I also have ASPD. I do know things on that topic because of this unfortunate fact. For some in-depth things on Eclipse's sociopathy, I suggest popping over to these two analyses! Eclipse Is a Sociopath - Traits of ASPD

Eclipse obviously doesn't even want to be here, we know this from the very start when Moon is literally shoving him to get him into the room

Eclipse attempts (and fails) to intimidate both Moon and Solar. First with the comment about Lunar, which was meant to get under Moon's skin but when he didn't get a reaction he brushed it off with a 'whatever'. Next with the stand-off with Solar "Name is Solar" Technically correct, as we know from earlier episodes that his name is "Solar Eclipse" and Lunar is "Lunar Eclipse" The 'eclipse brothers' (Which is only further supported by the fact that a blood moon is a type of eclipse) Of course, we all know this was not the answer Solar was wanting. (Solar gets his own petty revenge by dragging the process out. Moon also gets petty revenge by mocking Eclipse. This is honestly a good reminder that they all came from the same base personality.)

Eclipse was flabbergasted. Absolutely gobsmacked. Shook When Moon told him upfront that he does need therapy. I think this stems partly from the fact that this is Moon and Moon has never tried to do something that would benefit Eclipse And then just being told what he already knows by someone else probably caught him off guard. He doesn't want to go to therapy because he thinks that therapy means he is weak. We already know how Eclipse feels about being weak and needing to rely on others for literally anything. We see this on a lesser extent with Solar who doesn't ask for anything because he doesn't want to be seen as a burden.

I do think it's important that he calls Solar the 'inferior version' right after calling him the 'better version' of himself. He called Solar better than him and then immediately change his words. Possibly because he can't stand the fact that Solar actually is better than him. Not necessarily in what one thinks of when we do comparisons like that, but more of Solar's more stable than Eclipse. He has a family to lean back on. . . unlike Eclipse. The one person that Eclipse cared about (at one point but now claims to hate) now hates Eclipse but loves Solar, which is just. . . another version of Eclipse. And that knowledge has to be painful, even for Eclipse.

It's also possible that Eclipse actually does think that Solar is inferior due to the common mindset that socio/psychopaths tend to have about 'normal people' around them. We pity people on a superficial level for being held back by fickle things like emotions and guilt, while also blatantly ignoring our own issues that make our own lives 582390458234098x harder due to the packaged deal that is ASPD

(To briefly summarize the "package deal" - along with socio/psychopathy toss in Anxiety Disorders, Paranoia, Dissociation/Derealization Issues, PTSD, ADHD/ADHD-symptoms, and Depression)

Back to the analysis

Eclipse immediately starts to mock Earth's office. He tends to mock Earth a lot in the past, because she's a very reactive character. It also used to be a lot easier to make her insecure. Someone who is insecure isn't going to press a hostile party for conversation/information.

Earth, like the girl-boss she is, calls him out. Kudos to Earth

Okay let's step back from Eclipse a second because MOON This is probably the worst possible timing for him to bring Eclipse in for a therapy appointment and he knows it and even though Earth says it's fine he's still apologizing and genuinely sorry and I think that's a huge step from how he was falling apart a little bit ago and slipping back into what Old Moon was Moon's also always had a soft spot for Earth (Big brother syndrome except Moon is technically the youngest sibling)

Okay back to Eclipse. After a failed attempt to get under Earth's skin he goes for Moon again. The man really do be flabbergasted that the two most reactive people he knows aren't giving him the reaction he wants.

And then back to Earth. He honestly spends the first bit just trying to get a reaction out of everyone because that's what he's good at. He's exasperated when Earth starts asking him questions, and gives her his normal sarcastic a-hole response. He's purposefully unnerving and trying to make both Earth and Moon uncomfortable because he doesn't want to be there.

He skirts around the abandonment question, which just lets everyone in the room know that he does indeed feel abandoned. He deflects the question honestly horribly in my opinion. "Abandoned, why would I feel abandoned?" Proceeds to list off reasons that he would feel abandoned but phrases them as questions. Sir? Try harder.

Moon plays a common tactic when dealing with unwilling peoples. "The sooner you play along the sooner you can leave." Common courtroom/interrogation tactic. Gives a goal to work toward while also implying that they're willing to stick around for as long as the person in the room is willing to bullcrap them. This may be a familiar tactic to the audience because parents love using this when teens are lying to them. So do teachers. "Just tell us what we want to hear and then we can be done. But if you sit here in silence then I'll sit here in silence with you."

Reminds me of parole. A lot of people who've gotten in trouble with the powers that be are required to participate in active therapy if they want to get out of a heavier charge. It's a common requirement of plea deals

Watch me ramble Back on track

Plsplspls and then Eclipse says the same thing I FORGOT HE SAID IT CUT ME SOME SLACK IM TYPING AS I WATCH THIS FOR THE SECOND TIME ITS BEEN A WHOLE DAY I've got the adhd my memory is not that good sir

I'm only 6 minutes in are you bored yet

Earth does irritate him by making assumptions about him that are wrong. It's a small blow to the pride. He's not acting like he doesn't care, he just doesn't care. And then he just starts bullcrapping so I'm gonna call him out on his bullcrap

He didn't just care about the star

Someone who doesn't care isn't going to be hurt by rejection so lets go over the list

Getting back to Moon. Remerging their code which is where he felt like he was supposed to be. Moon shoved him away, rejected him, and that made him upset

Lunar. Lunar wasn't just a means to an end because Lunar had just the right traits, the right level of whatever to make Eclipse care about him. Think of it like this. Eclipse was barely offended by Bloodmoon attacking him and ditching him. But he went out of his way to blow Lunar up because Lunar, in his eyes, betrayed him

The star to an extent. He cared less about the star itself and more about being able to make a world perfect for him and those around him. He was a Lawful Evil type back then (Dances in DnD language)

Eh that's honestly all I can think of off the top of my head. I'd argue he also cared about Sun to an extent because he used to be Moon, but probably not as much these days lol But yeah CUT THE CRAP ECLIPSE GRRR WHOO LOW SELF ESTEEM "You'd all just immediately try to find a way to kill me" He really do think that everyone would just go out of their way to kill him even if he was existing peacefully. He's half right

Sun didn't really want anything to do with it. Solar was just going along with it because Moon's his best friend (and Solar himself is insecure whoo). Earth isn't confrontational. Ruin (who probably brought eclipse back, btw where did he disappear to we haven't seen that cockroach for a while) didn't hop on the kill Eclipse train until after he was 'kidnapped', and we all know how sus that was. Lunar, yeah, but that's Lunar. Moon also was immediately like "omg kill this guy" but also, that's just Moon. Like I have talked about how self-centered those two are before, haven't I? Monty also wanted to kill Eclipse on sight but he's literally worse than Moon so he don't really count. Monty is literally an awful person who is only semi-decent because of Earth

Eclipse describes his death to Earth as if she wasn't literally there. Again. Reactions. As well as the weird complinsult which she has no idea how to process. Is it an insult? Is it a compliment? It's both honey. It's both. Take it or leave it. Once again frustration and insecurity at the lack of control Eclipse has ove everything. From being monitored, to being brought back, to literally being in a brand new body that he had no say in. The physical lack of control bleeds into the mentality that he has no control over anything, including his own thoughts and emotions. And what's sad is it's kind of true. . . he can't even control his own actions some of the time because of the directives. That just makes him feel paranoid and hopeless, and while he doesn't say it explicitly, it shows. He doesn't think he can change in his mentality because he can't change anything else around him either. That's part of why he thinks therapy is pointless.

10:30 This is where I argue he takes off his metaphorical mask. Not because he trusts Earth, but he's trying to see where her breaking point is. She's been patient and kind and making an attempt to be understanding and it's curious because no one has ever just sat there and asked him questions and let him ramble. He's trying to make her uncomfortable still, but he's also curious. This is a button that has never been presented to him before, how many times can he press it before it's taken away from him. At first he's thinking about his answers, calculating his responses, but it feels honest.

12:20 And then he realized that he was getting ahead of himself and that he was just rambling because he's never had someone to talk to and he stops. Whether it's because it's something he doesn't want her to know, or Moon to know, or it's just something he isn't ready to say out loud yet, he changes topics.

And then he's back to deflecting and getting the focus off of him and poking at Earth again

(Side note: Earth calls him an idiot in a roundabout way and it made me giggle both times watching it)

"You would take more pride in-" Pauses video Gestures frantically PRIDE UGH THE FALLING POINT OF A SOCIOPATH IS OUR PRIDE Yes he would take more pride in it being about information gathering. He'd probably be more complicit if it were for that purpose instead of 'inner healing' because going to therapy is a BLOW TO HIS PRIDE IM Ignore me as I go insane Presses play

Eclipse breaking the fourth wall like-

He's very cynical about the idea of trust and it's because the few times he put his trust in someone/thing it's failed him. AND THEN MORE DEFLECTION ECLIPSE PLEASE- Just stay on topic I'm begging you I know it's hard but LET ME HARVEST YOUR BRAIN MAN STOP DEFLECTING

He's so gobsmacked when Earth claims that we aren't defined by who makes us. Which must be hard to hear for Eclipse because for a while there his entire identity was defined by the fact that he was made by Moon and left behind.

He presses Earth for further detail about this and it makes me wonder if this was the first time he's ever heard or conceptualized this

It's fun to hear Eclipse (I think for the first time) finally verbally disown Sun and Moon. "I don't care to make it right anymore. They've cast their stone and now I'm stuck in my own ship." AKA They had their chance to give him a chance time and time again and each time they shunned him. Why would you go back to someone who has only caused you pain? Eclipse is in a similar situation with Sun/Moon that Lunar is in with him. Part of him wants to be back with them because he was made from them, they will always be part of him just how Eclipse will always be part of Lunar. Violence begets more violence.

I do think it's interesting how Eclipse doesn't acknowledge that he blew up Lunar and it's probably because he didn't blow up Lunar. The Eclipse before him did. Just like how Moon didn't reject him, the Moon before did. (I'll come back to that later)

Earth has to point out that Lunar got ka-boomed and then Eclipse laughs "Oh yes, I did, right." Because, again, he didn't. The Eclipse before him did. It feels like he's trying to avoid taking accountability for that (and good on him because he's technically innocent it's not his fault he has the corrupted memories of a dead man)

HOWEVER ON THAT NOTE

It does feel like with every day that passes by those memories become more of who he is now, and he's slowly accepting them as part of his own identity because he's kind of stuck with them. If you woke up in a random place and someone handed you a broom and said 'you're bob the janitor' and that's all you knew you'd probably believe it (/ref)

(If someone gets that reference I will love you forever)

"Do you really. . . not care about him?" - Earth Eclipse: Doesn't answer the question, answers a question with a question which is DEFLECTING

Sir? You do too still care don't you?

"It's kind of hard to empathize with you" - Earth Me: Runs up chat to grab something

"a normal person cannot relate to a sociopath because our life experiences are so vastly different. You (general you) will never be able to understand what it’s like to be physically unable to care about someone to the point that it hurts because you want to care. And a socio/psychopath will never be able to understand on a visceral level what it’s like to be able to connect with another person or be able to feel things all the time or to do the right thing simply because something compels you to and not because you had to ask yourself “is this morally good or bad behavior” because you just know" - Me four days ago

Do find it interesting how Eclipse has no comment when Earth says he doesn't like her He probably likes her just fine, if I'm being honest. Probably likes her more than most other characters. He's just kinda a jerk and likes to press her buttons because it's funny

When she does manage to hit something right on the nail "It must be scary, right?" And "You just never have a sense of control" He makes a kinda-joke "Are we just going to keep talking about how sad we are" to change the topic AND SHE LAUGHED SHE LAUGHED AT HIS JOKE 👑 Ma'am you dropped this

I do personally Eclipse's sense of humor because it's pretty on point with my own, but I also really enjoy people being uncomfortable with it as well because that's half the fun. So I'm getting a small amount of dark enjoyment of Earth being uncomfortable at the boom joke

((Earth did awesome considering the circumstances. I can respect the fact that she is communicating her own emotional and mental needs even while dealing with someone who's not exactly pleasant for the general populace. She's gotten a lot better at setting boundaries))

Eclipse walks out because he's irritated with Moon. It's a power play. "I may have been forced to be here, but you can't make me sit and listen to you." He honestly had no idea what Moon would have said at the moment, and I also don't think that it would have been the best timing for Moon to drop that on him. They need a calm environment where neither of them is worked up to start touching that topic. Also MOON He's apologizing for something that isn't even his fault and while I can respect that, I almost wish he wasn't taking the blame for something a past self did. Just like how Eclipse is trying not to take accountability for what dead-man Eclipse did. They're two people who have been hurt by the actions of their predecessors and are playing out a game that was set into motion long long before their time. Now the only question that remains is who is Romeo and who is Juliet

Anyway that was the episode

Am taking inquiries and demands as well as bounties for my head