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secretgiftsforshaman · 4 years

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I wrote 2826 entire words before I collapsed last night

I have been seriously struggling this academic quarter. And I seriously struggled last academic quarter. As I did in undergrad, and in high school, junior high, and elementary. But I do not have any learning disabilities. And you have some idea of how smart I am in general, but I’ll share one specific example about just how very academically intelligent I am. On the SAT, I scored 700 in reading, 730 in writing, and 780 in math and I did not study for it. I spent most of the test bored and waiting for the allotted time to run out because I finished nearly every section way early. Early enough that at one point I had enough time to leisurely leave and use the restroom and came back before everyone else had finished. The only reason I did not score a perfect 800 in math because I missed *exactly* one question. I can still remember and visualize exactly which one it was – and only I missed it because it was the second to last one of the last math section and my brain read the word ‘diameter’ and was tired enough that my brain went ‘oh cool, radius’ even though I could have easily solved that problem when I was 11 or 12 (if you haven’t already gone “wow, she’s got some serious perfectionism issues” then now would be a good time for you to do so).

All of this to say: it has never been a question of not being able to understand the content. Very, very rarely in my entire scholastic lifetime have I ever not understood what was being taught to me. It is – and always has been – a matter of not being able to sit down and do the work.

One of the rubs of being so smart (especially when also socially inept – I don’t think I’ve ever had a formal diagnosis, but I would be astonished to learn if I wasn’t somewhere on the autism spectrum) is that your sense of self-worth is all too easily conflated with your intelligence and academic performance, placing massive pressure on yourself to be good at school, ‘cause that’s one of the few things I was reliably good at.

Most of my school-age bullies, particularly the loudest ones, were just as smart as I was: all enrolled in the same accelerated classes, but they didn’t struggle the way I did, and they definitely saw it, and made sure I knew they did. They could all do their homework and turn things in on time, but I just couldn’t sit down and do even the simplest assignments sometimes – let alone the big projects and reports, not without crippling deadline pressure. My parents and teachers also tended to view the situation as if there was some kind of issue with me, too: that I was lazy/disorganized/not ‘applying myself’/needed discipline and punishment and then I’d be fine – alllll of that unhelpful bullshit.

Nobody thought that I wasn’t smart enough, though. Clearly, I was always great on tests: sit me down and ask me what I know and if there’s a definitive correct answer then odds are good that I knew what it was, so I excelled in math and science, and I took great comfort from knowing what I was doing and working familiar problems over and over. But having to go find sources for research and report on something or answer essay style questions – anything subjective or humanities-ish – was my kryptonite. I couldn’t ever say “this is enough information, this is complete and I’m done now” – once I started searching I’d drown in all of the information available and not be able to pull myself out with just enough to get the job done. I would become paralyzed simply by the thought of needing to sit down and do schoolwork, so I’d avoid it and distract myself with reading or anything else BUT schoolwork. And if I ever fell behind (which ALWAYS happened because that’s what happens when your avoidant coping is your default), then it was like pouring anti-napalm on everything: I’d be even more frozen and unable to function, like cold terrified acid licking through my veins. I have been a student most of my life – 21 and a half years to date – and the entire fucking time I’ve been limping along like this, always hoping at the start of each new term that This Time, somehow, I could Just Do It Already The Way I Should Be Able To, but over and over that optimism has crumbled to ashes in that undying flame of fear, paralysis, self-disgust, and despair.

I am able, now, to identify and name what I have suffered from my entire life, the condition that I was made to carry so much crippling SHAME for, that I learned to hide almost completely from all of my loved ones for over a decade so nobody would see that shame and decide to think less of me.

I have anxiety and complex PTSD.

Where one ends and the other begins isn’t worth the effort of trying to tease them apart. The DSM-5 is an imperfect tool and no diagnosis is a uniform monolith – anxiety, PTSD, depression, and every other name of every other illness is merely a professional shorthand for “all/most of these symptoms are present.” It makes much more sense to treat my anxiety and PTSD as a single condition. Moreover, I have a strong suspicion that my endocrine disorder, PCOS, was triggered by the chronic stress/elevated cortisol and insulin (because one of the most socially acceptable ways for our nervous systems to regulate and soothe themselves when under stress is with food), and if it isn’t completely just part of the same thing, then it’s LARGELY overlapping with the anxiety/PTSD (I know that my mother and grandmother suffered in a very similar way in school, and I know that the PCOS is tied to inherited/ancestral trauma, so it makes every kind of sense if the anxiety/PTSD that we all have is related as well).

I have had a generalized anxiety disorder diagnosis on my chart for years, and I’ve known, in my rational brain, that I’ve needed to get it under control to feel better and function in school (and to be honest, with almost all other professional/adulting things too). But thinking about what I need and actually DOING something about it are such utterly different things. It has only been in the past few weeks that I have been able to admit to myself that I need real, professional help to overcome this condition – and to ask for and start receiving that help. There is a big culture in my family, especially us women, about ignoring our own issues and focusing on helping other people first (I know I must have written to you about this before), so this has been a massive step for me.

For a while I’ve been struggling to stay on top of my classes, and have fallen behind in all four of them, and the feeling of being overwhelmed has only increased exponentially. I’ve wanted, desperately, to go to an emotional ER so many times the past month, so much so that I found myself wanting (and knowing on a deep level that my body needs) some kind of pharmaceutical support to get me through the fucking day and allow me to do some of the massive, teetering pile of backlogged work. Upon hearing about my experiences of paralysis and dysfunction, and scoring very high on the anxiety diagnosis questionnaire she used, my doc, who rarely reaches for her Rx pad off the bat, suggested putting me on Clonidine (non-addictive, originally developed for hypertension) especially after my double-checked at-home blood pressure reading was 154/80 (which is consistent with STAGE 2 HYPERTENSION in an otherwise healthy and young TWENTY-NINE YEAR OLD for fucks sake)(insert emojis denoting ABJECT PANIC here).

I am comforted by the fact that my doctor, who I’ve seen since I was a tweenager, has shifted in the past few years to specialize in treating addiction and substance dependency, so if there’s anybody who I can trust to medicate me without causing a chemical dependence it’s her (thank GODDESS). Dr. M agrees with my perspective that the meds are just a temporary measure to alleviate my symptoms enough to function, and that the true treatment is the therapy work that I’ve been trying to do for myself, but there’s only so much you can do all by your lonesome, no matter how many self-help books you read (and goodness knows I’ve read a TON).

So I also finally started seeing a therapist (!), and just admitting some of this out loud to another person has been so profoundly healing. Our second session was this past Wednesday, and I was able to start opening up and telling her that I think my anxiety traces back to ancestral trauma and how I feel called to use a bottom-up, somatic approach (hence my recent interest in shamanism, ritual, soul retrieval, transpersonal psychology, etc., which she’s totally accepting of; again, THANK GODDESS).

One of the many many many self-help books that I’ve had my nose in is “The Instinct to Heal: Curing Depression, Anxiety, and Stress Without Drugs and Without Talk Therapy” by David Servan-Schreiber, MD, PhD (which I started reading like a day before I finally admitted that I needed to take drugs and do talk therapy *laughing at myself emoji here*). Servan-Schreiber beautifully articulated the relationship between our neocortex: the newly, highly developed, outer portions of the brain where our logic, reason, cognition, and consciousness arise from, and our limbic system: the older, more primitive inner section of our brains that controls our unconscious, autonomic physiological processes (like breathing, digestion, heart rate, etc.), trauma, instinct, intuition, and emotion, and is therefore far more deeply and intensely connected to the body (and bodily held memories) than the neocortex.

I’ve been running around in my rational, conscious, neocortex mind *thinking* about all of my issues and traumas and everything for ages, and I understand so much about these things on that rational level – but that is miles away from the irrational, unconscious, limbic bodymind where all of those traumas actually ARE and continue to play out over and over as if they’re still happening. This is something that my therapist helped me understand – our neocortex understands that this is a different time and the thing that happened in the past is over and done and we’re safe now, but the limbic system has no sense of time. In our irrational reptile brains, everything still exists the same as it did all those years ago as if it never stopped happening. THIS is where our inner wounded child lives, where a soul fragment likely fled from for safety in the midst of the unendurable whatever-it-was that precipitated the trauma response, and where the empty spot is where it needs to be called back to still resides, open and waiting and longing.

THIS is why I’ve felt called towards the irrational, mystical, shamanic modes of healing: I’ve done as much as I can with my rational mind, which cannot be used to solve an irrational problem or heal an irrational wound, which is what all trauma is. A couple of weeks ago, when I asked you for your help as a shaman with conducting a soul retrieval, this is the kind of work that I was starting to realize that I need to do. The crazy Thing That I Did that I told you about (and meant to describe for you more at the time but I was exhausted and desperately needed the rest instead) was a small and beautiful spontaneous retrieval of a part of me when I was seven, a part that was thirteen, and a part of me as a young infant that I brought to my own breast in recognition that I was both deserving of my own love, nourishment, and care, and capable of being a loving, heart-centered parent to myself. I felt all of the past, younger versions of me that I’ve already been gathered in concentric circles within me, and all of the older versions of me that I’ve not yet been spiraling around me, and my ancestors and guides and spirits and all of the love and kindness that anyone has ever directed towards me gathered around all of me like a compassionate embrace, and I think that it was that experience that gave me just enough of my soul back, just enough juice and magic that I could start digging my teeth in and taking the steps I needed to take to seek treatment and get my legs back underneath me.

As amazing and beautiful as that experience was, it wasn’t everything that I need in order to heal. I want to do a soul retrieval/healing ritual to unfreeze the part of me (and the part of my mother, grandmother, and other ancestors) that is stuck in that root trauma – where the anxiety, complex PTSD, PCOS - where all of that junk stems from. I don’t yet have much sense at all what that’s gonna look like, but I know that it’s gonna be the biggest damn spell I’ve ever cast, and that I don’t think I can cast it alone. Watch this space.

I do think, though, that preparing for that is the thing to do for now, by accumulating small things on multiple fronts – growing my strength, calling back small parts of me, telling more and more loved ones about my truth, chipping away at the stack of things to do, continuing with meds and therapy, contacting my professors and possibly the department/program admin (with a letter from Dr. M in hand documenting my diagnosis and treatment) to let them know that I need help I’m figuring out how to make up for assignments that I haven’t turned in and make sure that I can continue next quarter and not get kicked out of the program. I’m still carrying a lot of fear of failure/expulsion around this (and anxiety = paralysis = inaction for me, even though I desperately want to fix it) – especially after handling myself so badly in a similar situation at the end of last quarter. When you’ve got a minute, I’d appreciate a pep talk about broaching the subject with them.

All in all, I’m doing well and things are looking up in a way I’ve NEEDED them to start looking up for literal decades. I’ve even been able to start telling my mother about how badly I’ve been doing (she knows I’ve seen my doctor and started therapy and meds) and allowing her to see that pain and struggle after years of hiding it from her out of shame has been scary but such a relief. But Goddess Knows I’ve got A LOT to do still. Just cause I’ve finally struck a match and can navigate a little better doesn’t mean I’m out of the dungeon yet.

I began the meds just yesterday, and I’ve spent the day decompressing (never been a better time for me to have a few days all to myself kitten-sitting for some friends while they go to a tiny, COVID-regulation compliant thanksgiving visit with their family in Portland). Drowsiness is a listed side effect of Clonidine, and I was really worried that my prescribed dose was too high after being soooooo tired yesterday and today after I took the pills, but my increasing suspicion is that I’ve just been so high-strung and hypervigilant (hello super premature hypertension!) that the anti-anxiety/BP-lowering drug just uncovered the chronic e x h a u s t I o n that was already (always) there, rather than them making me drowsy when I wasn’t. So I’ve spent the day eating my friend’s leftovers (she’s an AMAZING cook) and cat napping with the two sweetest little troublemakers you ever did see (I’ll send pics!).

I think that FINALLY being able to relax like this was what helped me to begin to be receptive and start opening up (and connecting with you!) again. Anxiety = I clam up, my libido nosedives, and my pelvic tightness/vaginal armoring gets painful and rigid – all bad prospects for wild, sexy, blooming Love-Lust-and-Light fun. I was so glad to reconnect with you – and that you reminded me that I need to get this out and I can process it and heal it by sharing it with you – that our Sacred Space is still there for me to use and pour my pain and magic and consciousness out into.

I think that’s all the most important developments. I’m excited to hear all about all of your new developments, processing, perspectives too.

And now I’m gonna go to bed. One nap today was NOT enough to recover from goddess-knows-how-long-I’ve-had-this chronic fatigue. I’ll talk to you soon

I love you, Άδης

Your Εκάτε <3

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pursuitofdoctorate · 5 years

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Cognitive Developmental Theory

Gardner's Theory of Multiple Intelligences

Scholar Howard Gardner of Harvard University questioned the dominance of intelligence as a single, in born capacity assessed by IQ tests. Instead, he raised the question of how the brain/mind evolved over the course of time to allow the species to survive.

Gardner completed cross-cultural studies of those who are gifted, autistic, and savants, which resulted in his identification of 9 forms of intelligence:

Linguistic (writing; language)

Logical-Mathematical (science; math)

Musical (composer; performer)

Spatial (sailor; architect)

Bodily-kinesthetic (athlete; dancer; surgeon)

Interpersonal (therapist; salesperson)

Intrapersonal (keen introspective skills)

Naturalist (recognize & classify patterns of the natural world)

Existential (spiritual world)

These types of intelligences are present in every culture and every individual is talented in some of these intelligences and may have little capacity in others.

An application of Gardner’s Theory of Multiple Intelligences would be for educators to allow learner the opportunities to engage in material using one of the multiple intelligences. For example, in teaching math, learners can using their body to form different numbers (kinesthetic), write a song or poem to solve a problem (musical), or use play dough to create geometric angles (spatial).

Using Multiple Intelligences learning choices make adult learners more confident about taking greater control of their own learning.

Piaget’s Stages of Cognitive Development

Piaget laid the foundation for much of what we know about cognitive development. Piaget proposed four age related stages of cognitive development:

Infant (sensory-motor)

2-7 years old (pre-operational stage)

7-11 years old (concrete operational stage)

12+ years old (formal operational stage)

He first thought the fourth stage was obtained between 11-13, but revised this saying the development of formal operational thought may occur up to the age of 20.

If these four stages are thought of as playing with a pack of cards:

Infants would take hold of some cards and likely put them into their mouths

4 year olds would sort the cards into patterns such as kings, queens, jacks, etc.

10 year olds would play a simple card game

Young adults could play a sophisticated card game like poker or bridge

Piaget has been critiqued for the invariance of his model as well as lack of consideration for context, however, his theory did provide the foundation for work around cognitive development.

A model which has been heavily influenced by Piaget is Perry’s stages of moral and ethical development which is most often associated with young adults.

Perry’s Model of Intellectual Development

Source: https://www2.palomar.edu/pages/tjohnston2/files/2019/03/11-Perrys-Stages-of-Cognitive-Development.pdf

The model was developed in the 1960's by William Perry, an educational psychologist at Harvard, who observed that students varied considerably in their attitudes toward courses and instructors and their own roles in the learning process.

The Perry model is a hierarchy of nine levels grouped into four categories:

Dualism (Levels 1 and 2). Knowledge is black and white, every problem has one and only one correct solution, the authority (in school, the teacher) has all the solutions, and the job of the student is to memorize and repeat them. Dualists want facts and formulas and don't like theories or abstract models, open-ended questions, or active or cooperative learning ("I'm paying tuition for him to teach me, not to teach myself.") At Level 2, students begin to see that some questions may seem to have multiple answers but they still believe that one of them must be right.

Multiplicity (Levels 3 and 4). Some questions may not have answers now but the answers will eventually be known (Level 3) or responses to some (or most) questions may always remain matters of opinion (Level 4). Open-ended questions and cooperative learning are tolerated, but not if they have too much of an effect on grades. Students start using supporting evidence to resolve issues rather than relying completely on what authorities say, but they count preconceptions and prejudices as acceptable.

Relativism (Levels 5 and 6). Students in relativism see that knowledge and values depend on context and individual perspective rather than being externally and objectively based, as Level 1-4 students believe them to be. Using real evidence to reach and support conclusions becomes habitual and not just something professors want them to do. At Level 6, they begin to see the need for commitment to a course of action even in the absence of certainty, basing the commitment on critical evaluation rather than on external authority.

Commitment within relativism (Levels 7-9). At the highest category of the Perry model, individuals start to make actual commitments in personal direction and values (Level 7), evaluate the consequences and implications of their commitments and attempt to resolve conflicts (Level 8), and finally acknowledge that the conflicts may never be fully resolved and come to terms with the continuing struggle (Level 9). These levels are rarely reached by college students.

The key to helping students move up this developmental scale is to provide an appropriate balance of challenge and support, occasionally posing problems one or two levels above the students' current position.

Kegan’s Constructive Developmental Theory

Source: https://medium.com/@NataliMorad/how-to-be-an-adult-kegans-theory-of-adult-development-d63f4311b553

Kegan, a former Harvard psychologist, shows that adults go through 5 distinct developmental stages.

Stage 1 — Impulsive mind (early childhood)

Stage 2 — Imperial mind (adolescence, 6% of the adult population)

Stage 2 individuals view people as a means to get their own needs met, as opposed to a shared internal experience (how we feel about each other). They care about how others perceive them, but only because those perceptions may have concrete consequences for them. For example, when Stage 2 friends do not lie to each other, it is because of a fear of the consequences or retaliation, not because they value honesty and transparency in a relationship. Moreover, individuals follow along with rules, philosophies, movements or ideologies because of external rewards or punishments, not because they truly believe in them. For example, a person in Stage 2 won’t cheat because they’re scared of the consequences, not because it goes against their personal values.

Stage 3 — Socialized mind (58% of the adult population)

In Stage 3, external sources shape our sense of self and understanding of the world. In Stage 3, the most important things are the ideas, norms and beliefs of the people and systems around us (i.e. family, society, ideology, culture, etc. ). For the first time we begin to experience ourselves as a function of how others experience us. For example, we take an external view of our ourselves (“They’ll think I look stupid”) and make it part of our internal experience (“I am stupid”).

Stage 4 — Self-Authoring mind (35% of the adult population)

In Stage 4, we can define who we are, and not be defined by other people, our relationships or the environment. We understand that we are a person, with thoughts, feelings and beliefs that are independent from the standards and expectations of our environment. We can now distinguish the opinions of others from our own opinions to formulate our own “seat of judgment”. We become consumed with who we are — this is the kind of person I am, this is what I stand for. We develop an internal sense of direction and the capacity to create and follow our own course.

Stage 5 — Self-Transforming mind (1% of the adult population)

In Stage 5 one’s sense of self is not tied to particular identities or roles, but is constantly created through the exploration of one’s identities and roles and further honed through interactions with others. We see the complexities of life, can expand who we are and be open to other possibilities — we are reinventing our identity. We understand the intersectionality of multiple identities.

Most adults (65%) never make it past stage 3 to become high functioning adults.

Drago-Severson’s Four Ways of Knowing

Source: https://learnertoolbox.com/2015/04/23/professional-development-and-ways-of-knowing/

Drago-Severson (2009) cites Kegan’s work on developmental stages of adult development, suggesting that adults have stages of development directly influence how they learn and engage. Unlike Kegan, Drago-Severson views development as cyclicar and not simply linear.

Instrumental learning - Concrete tasks that are personally relevant require adults to work at instrumental levels. Learning a new subject guide, for instance, is a necessary concrete task. Instrumental learners appreciate guidance in knowing how to apply the principles in a subject guide to their own classroom.

Socializing learners - Collaborative planning and reflection is a social task. Perhaps collaborative planning, for instance on interdisciplinary units and subject overviews help social learners to feel psychologically safe that all in the group are tuned in to the same task with similar goals.

Self-authoring learners - Self-authoring individuals appreciate clear vision underlining tasks. They appreciate opportunities to evaluate for themselves (self-reflection) what they might learn from collaborative situations. They might seek to augment and enhance their own learning through self-chosen PLNs and focus groups.

Self-transformational learners - Transformational learners have the ability to tolerate ambiguity during times systems are incomplete or in progress. They see connections between systems in place to abstractions, paradoxes, and changing continuums.

In this model, feedback plays a critical role. Additionally, learners need a holding environment to move through the various stages.

Women’s Ways of Knowing

Source: https://www2.palomar.edu/pages/tjohnston2/files/2019/03/11-Perrys-Stages-of-Cognitive-Development.pdf

The Development of Self, Voice, and Mind “All women grow up having to deal with historically and culturally engrained definitions of femininity and womanhood…” (Belenky, Clinchy, Goldberger, and Tarule, 1986). A woman does not think or reason like a man nor does she look at those in authority the same way due to her experiences and interactions with parents, culture, and her economic situation. The parental aspect is complex, leading into religious and moral issues along with physical, sexual, and mental abuse. Belenky et al. (1986) conducted a project in the late 1970’s based on the study and analysis of topics and aspects unique to women revealing a model of intellectual development. Overview of Belenky, Clinchy, Goldberger, and Tarule Model:

Silence: A woman of silence is totally dependent on those in authority, not questioning or voicing an opinion (Belenky et al., 1986). Expressing her personal thoughts is very difficult as she lives in the present and normally speaks of specific concrete behaviors. A woman of silence usually has experienced physical, mental, or sexual abuse and feels that she is to be seen and not heard. If she should voice her opinion or ask a question, punishment is the most likely result. A woman of silence views decisions as either right or wrong with no room for reasoning.

Received Knowledge: Belenky et al. (1986) places a woman at the receiving knowledge level if she is listening but does not have the confidence to voice her opinion. As the receiver she will listen and pass knowledge on to others, shaping her thoughts to match those in authority. When asked about herself, the receiver of knowledge will reply with what other individuals have stated, unable to voice her feelings. Abuse is still prevalent in the life of a woman receiving knowledge.

Subjective Knowledge: About half of those participating in the project were at the subjective knowledge level (Belenky et al., 1986). Something usually happens in a woman’s life to encourage her to go from a receiver of knowledge to progress to the level of subjectivity. The woman begins to accept that she has a voice, “an inner source of strength” lying within herself, and an opinion that is due to past experiences. She recognizes that she does not have to agree with the authority but is still cautious about voicing opinions. Truth is experienced within oneself but not acted upon for fear of jeopardizing the associations one has with others at the same level.

Procedural Knowledge: Belenky et al. (1986) describes procedural knowledge as divided into two areas, separate and connected knowing. A woman in either area realizes that she has voice, is still cautious of others and their actions, however now she is not threatened and is more willing to listen to what is being said. A separatist will not project her feelings into a situation and is able to speak taking on the requested view. A connected knower empathizes with others and feels it is her responsibility to help them understand their situation so they might make the best decision.

Constructed Knowledge: A constructivist realizes that one must speak, listen, share ideas, explore, and question, analyzing who, why, and how (Belenky et al., 1986). Speaking and listening does not remain within oneself but includes speaking and listening to others at the same time. She wants a better quality of life for herself and for others.

#brain #cognitivedevelopment #adultlearning

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proxylynn · 7 years

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Dreemurr Academy #5 (UnderSwap Papyrus)

Dreemurr Academy, a prestigious closed-off college for monsters and humans alike of all ages and worlds.

This includes myself, though I'm sort of a in-between.

I'm Lynsie, the human anomaly. I'm a human, but I can do magic like monsters. I'm an oddball.

That's the thing about making a school that is open to multiple alternate dimensions. Weird things are bound to show up. Even a bunch of the same person. From what I saw on orientation day, the same faces are scattered around all around.

To fix these type of issues, everyone that has a multiple or doppelganger is given a school name so there's no confusion.

Other than that, it's fairly normal. The hierarchy is the simple.

The Deans are made up of the same people, skeleton monsters that go by the name of Gaster. One is a teacher of the Sciences, goes by Wingding. He's a kind and understanding man, but is known to pull a prank or two. They all speak in a typeface sign language but use telepathy magic so others understand. It's been said no one has ever heard their real voices and those that have are no longer at the academy.

Another Gaster dean teaches Home Economics, he goes by Wingy. He's a bubbly sweet guy that loves his work. Nothing makes him smile more than seeing the joy on a student's face when they take pride in being able to do something they first thought they couldn't.

Another Gaster dean teaches the studies of Magic, he is called Fall. At times, he can be cynical, malicious, and sarcastic. He has a commanding presence that exuded gravitas, authority and control, able to keep a class quiet without effort. Yet there is a kindness to him, it's rarely seen, but not unheard of.

Another Gaster dean teaches History, his nickname is Dings. A cold, bitter, and sometimes childish man. He tends to hold grudges against troublesome students and is extremely spiteful toward those whom he dislikes. Yet those that can take his punishments are rewarded with his respect. He is a teacher that commands respect and who's grades are earned with doom hanging over your head.

The Professors are also skeleton monsters, but not all are the same person. The Psychology professor is a guy named Papyrus but goes by Stretch. He's the favorite among students because he's so laid back. He chews a tooth pick in class to suppress his urge to smoke, but we all know he does so when on break. He's really good at reading students and helps out when able. All in all, he's the cool teacher.

The Literature professor is a Papyrus that is called Fell. He is the one teacher everyone dreads. Very strict and old fashioned. He does not tolerate interruptions and will humiliate those he feel need to be taken down a notch. Such things take there toll on him and often squeezes a stress ball that he keeps in his desk. But he is a very passionate man when it comes to his work and takes his subject seriously, even though this makes him into a bit of a grammar nazi which is why many students get low grades.

The Biology professor is a skeleton called Sans that sometimes goes by Classic, whatever that means. He is very cheesy and comes off as lazy, making puns that have people cringe yet secretly love them. He is very protective of his students and will go out of his way to help them. He does not tolerate bulling of any kind and can be quite scary. He's the second favorite among the students.

The Physical Education professor is also a Sans that goes by Pain. He is also a stern and old school type of teacher, only he tends to be more cruel in humiliation of students that are unprepared. While his scope is all around, he prefers the darker side of the study. Using borderline violence to weed out the weak that think taking his class is a easy A. There is mercy in his dojo, but it must be earned with blood, sweat, and tears.

The Students are broken into four groups based on which part of the four years they are currently in. The first years are called freshmen. Second years are sophomores. Third years are juniors. And fourth years are seniors. There are some variations on this topic, but this hierarchy of college students is still readily recognizable by everyone.

Me? This isn't my first rodeo but not my last. I'm a sophomore and have gotten the gist of who's who and what's what. I get along with students and teachers. I've always been a middle ground type of girl.

I didn't come looking for friends, but they just seemed to find me. Funny enough, my buddies are the brothers of the professors. Stretch's brother is a freshman, his name is Sans but goes by Rascal. Fell's brother, also a Sans, is a sophomore like me and goes by Edgy. Classic's brother is a Papyrus, a freshman that goes by Papy. And Pain's brother is a sophomore Papyrus by the name of Slim.

I've always been a tomboy. I prefer the guys company. They're different and fun, even if they can be a bit odd sometimes.

Rascal, as the nickname implies, is the school clown/prankster. He likes to test his limits and challenge authority, even dishevels his uniform to assert his individuality. He comes off as a slacker, but secretly very deep, clever, and loyal to a fault. He likes taking his brother's class so he can improve his skills with messing with people, mostly his brother as he disrupts his teachings when he sees a chance.

Edgy is shy around new people and slow to open up, enjoying a laugh with friends when able. Though he appears weak or even nerdy because of his glasses, he is far more tougher than he leads on. He doesn't take crap from anyone. When alone, he's angsty and borders on straight up angry. Getting a pissy attitude when annoyed. Like his brother, he is very passionate about literature and does his best to impress his brother, going so far as to become the teacher's pet.

Papy is easily the most loveable guy in the whole school. Very cheerful and optimistic, he tries his best no matter what. He doesn't like conflict and tries to keep his brother out of trouble when the teacher pulls a prank. I find it sweet of him to take his brother's class even though he doesn't particularly enjoy it, just so he can stay close to him. Like I said, this guy is a loveable soul.

Slim is easy going. He doesn't take things too seriously and never breaks a sweat over hard exams. The only thing that breaks his cool is his smoking, he really gets tense if he goes too long without his fix. He's incredibly smart and instinctual, good traits to have when dealing with his brother. While he does attend his brother's class, he merely does so as a request of his brother who likes to make sure he doesn't slack off due to not being challenged enough.

All of them are oddly related to each other in some form. Gaster's, Papyrus's, and Sans's are brothers. Yet I see them all as different people. I value them. They're helping me even if they don't know it. I am not so confident in myself. I tend to isolate myself, go at things lone wolf style. It's how I've always been. Then I met them and slowly my world began to expand bit by bit. I'm still not comfortable with others. But with them, I can step out from behind my mask for a bit, and really be myself around them.

Today is a typical day. Classes have so far been good. Again, knowing how to get by and being ready for them helps big time. This being one of those classes. Psychology is crazy complex yet once you get the hang of it, it becomes easy to understand, though there are so many different aspects to learn in it.

In all there is Health Psychology, Psychology of Interpersonal Relations, Mind and Behavior, Social and Personality Development, Psychology of Learning, Visual Perception and Cognition, The Aging Mind and Brain, Cognition and the Brain, Language Development, Psychology of Workplace Behaviors, Psychology of Relationship Violence, Animal Cognition, Behavioral Neuroscience, Psychopharmacology, Motivation-Addiction-and the Brain, Neuroscience of Learning and Memory, Neurobiology of Stress, Introduction to Health Biopsychology, Abnormal Psychology, Childhood Psychopathology, Behavior Modification, Psychotherapies, Cognitive Development of Children, Infant Development, Personality, Attitude Change, Psychology of Gender, Social Cognition, Judgment and Decision Making, Stigma and Prejudice, Psychology of Negotiation, Human Memory, Psychology of Thinking, Human Information Processing, and lastly Language Processes.

All of these help to further understand ourselves and each other. For to know the workings of the world's mind, one must come to know one's self. And if such a journey you wish to make, then look no further than to have Professor Stretch be your guide to the wide and weird world of the mind's many endless roads. The guy is utterly amazing.

"it's about honor. do you have it? how do you define honor? honor is day by day, minute by minute. if you have it, you live it, without question. honor is not doing what is easy if it hurts a single soul. do your daily actions reflect good values? are you honest with everyone, even yourself? are you kind and helpful? do you show respect to everyone? for example, do you clean up after yourself in the lunchroom? and my friends...they all have a couple of things in common: none of them are whiners. all of them are funny. none of them are pc; and all of them, every last one, owns their mistakes. they own their lives. they own their actions. that is honor. do you really own your mistakes and your lives?"

God he's mesmerizing to listen to. His voice is so smooth despite his smoking habit. Even his body's movements flow with grace and adds emphasis to his words. You can really tell he means what he says.

"our society does not simply look at the 'hey stupid, the coffee is hot' signs that are located on any lid of coffee that you buy or the supersize me case 'my kids are fat because of mcdonalds'. try to do good. try to love the world even when it does not love you. the question is how will you react when you have done bad things? ...will you stand up and say, i'm a man and i own this mess?"

I nod to myself and a note is slid my way. I look to my side, Rascal, Stretch's little brother and my good buddy. I wonder what it says.

[DO YOU NEED A TOWEL?]

I write back "Why?" and pass it back. Then he slides it back to me.

[TO WIPE UP ALL THE DROOL YOU'RE MAKING OVER MY BRO.]

I roll my eyes at him and give him back the slip after writing "Ha-ha, you're so funny. You should do stand-up.".

"there's only two things the world can't take from you. your friendship and your honor. anything worthwhile must be protected and nurtured. these two things you have...honor and friends...are, believe it or not, all you need. they are everything. don’t make excuses, make optimism. i would like you to take some time and really reflect on that for a moment."

I slowly shut my eyes in thought, contemplating his words and letting my mind wander with ideas. Rascal, using this break to his advantage, decides to have some fun. While Stretch is distracted looking for his pack of candy cigarettes or his trusty toothpick in his messy desk, Rascal leans over and starts whispering in my ear.

"YOU KNOW, YOU'VE BEEN ON MY MIND A LOT LATELY."

"What are you talking about, Rascal?"

"RASCAL? NO...IT'S ME, PROFESSOR STRETCH."

"I take it this is your game for the day."

"YOU LOOK REALLY CUTE TODAY? *sniff* IS THAT VANILLA I SMELL?"

"Okay, you're starting to border on the creepy line there."

"YOU KNOW, VANILLA IS CONSIDERED A NATURAL APHRODISIAC. AND SINCE KNOWING YOU, YOU'VE NEVER WORE THAT SCENT BEFORE. NOW FOR WHAT REASON WOULD YOU WEAR THAT SCENT? UNLESS...YOU WERE TRYING TO CAPTIVATE SOMEONE'S ATTENTION WITH SWEET ALLURE."

To that I crack an eye open and look at him.

"Can I not try a new shampoo without being thought of as a tempting succubus?"

He merely smirks.

"A RATHER INTERESTING CHOICE OF WORDS. BUT YES. I DARE SAY YOU ARE ATTEMPTING TO WOO SOMEONE. AND I THINK IT'S ME."

"As cute as you are, I see you as my friend Rascal."

He blushes but pouts.

"I TOLD YOU, I'M NOT RASCAL. I'M STRETCH."

"I know you study this subject so you can be better at manipulating others for your amusement. So if your intention is to prank me by having me 'confess' my 'feelings' for your brother, well...That's just cruel."

"*sighs* LOOK, I'M NOT TRYING TO BE MEAN. I'M JUST TRYING TO..."

Stretch clears his throat, toothpick in his teeth, and signals that the thinking break is now over.

"as i was saying...it is about honor. do you have it? honor is not the late mother theresa in calcutta. that’s beyond honor; that’s sainthood. honor is not an impossible ideal, something beyond your grasp. honor is day to day, minute by minute. if you have it, you live it, without question. honor is not doing what’s easy if it hurts a single soul."

So very true. I could listen to him for hours. He speaks with experience, like this all knowing sage, yet doesn't come off as condescending or entitled. He only wants to share what he knows so that others can do better. His faith in others is inspiring.

"honor has no room in its house for cynicism. skepticism, yes. always. but cynicism? no. it has no room in its house for greed, for the mindless pursuit of money or hollow success. honor is the affirmative answer to one simple question you ask of yourself every day: did i behave with dignity and respect toward all living things? that is the measure of honor and the measure of men. if you are cynical, you will say, i wasn’t honorable today because the world was dishonorable toward me and i just had to fight back. sorry, charlie. wrong answer. the measure of a man lies not in what the world does to him, but rather in how he comports himself within the world. when someone says, oh-so cynically, oh-so-jaded: the world is thus, you must reply: no. thus, have we made the world."

Another note from Rascal is slid my way and I sigh inwardly at the thought of reading it.

[I'M SORRY. BUT I'M NOT TRYING TO BE A JERK. I'M JUST TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING THAT IS HARD FOR ME TO SAY.]

I write back "What? You know you can tell me anything. It's what friends are for." and pass it back. He takes a moment before writing, a look on his face that I can only guess is uncertainty as I've never seen him like that, then he slowly slides it to me and I'm nervous to read it.

[HE LIKES YOU TOO.]

I'm not sure how to respond to this. Either he's being honest or being bull. I can't find words to write.

"i gave you the bad news first so you can create the good news for yourselves. well, i’ve got friends. if wealth is measured by friends, then i’m richer than bill gates. and, as i said at the outset, two of my closest friends in the world i met right here, freshman year. and my friends, a wide-ranging army of people from all walks of life, some human, some monster, some conservative, some liberal, some wealthy, some not, some black, some white, some catholic, some jewish, some presbyterian, some gay, some straight, some downright out of their minds, and some with questionable fashion sense. my friends are a very varied lot. but they all have a couple of things in common: none of them are whiners, because i can't handle hanging out with whiners; all of them are funny, because life’s too short not to be able to tell good jokes; none of them are pc; and all of them, every last one, owns their mistakes. they own their lives. they don’t place blame for their actions at any place but on their own doorsteps. they own their actions."

I try to focus on Stretch's words but Rascal keeps giving me notes.

[HE MUTTERS YOUR NAME A LOT WHEN IN DEEP THOUGHT OR SLEEP.]

I write back "So what?" and pass it back. He passes another one.

[HE THINKS OF YOU IN THE SHOWER TOO. VERY AWKWARD.]

This makes my eyes twitch and I write back "This isn't funny anymore." then slide it back.

"that is honor. own yours. go out into that messed-up world and try to make it better for your sons and daughters. yes. make money if you can. pursue your own happiness. yes, yes. but try, too, please try to do good. to empathize with and help those people who weren’t lucky enough to go to a private prep school, have caring parents, come from homes with food on the table and plenty of oil in the furnace. try to love the world even when it doesn't love you. realize that you will fail, you will make mistakes, you will feel pain and you will cause pain and you will do bad things. the question isn’t whether you will do bad things, the question is how will you react once you’ve done those bad things? will you leave the mess for someone else to clean up; will you place blame? or will you stand up and say, i’m a man. i own this mess. i will not hide behind lawyers. or press agents. or lies. i do not need lies. i do not need an image. i do not need false crap. i need my friends. i need my honor. because there’s only two things the world can’t take from you. your friendships and your honor. those you’ve got to give away...and those, i will bet you good money, you have right now."

Another note slips by me.

[PLEASE TALK TO HIM. I KNOW THIS IS WEIRD. BUT IT'S WEIRDER LIVING WITH HIM WHEN I HEAR AND SEE HIM WANTING YOU.]

I write back "Stop it. Just stop." and pass it back.

"the honor you hold right inside of yourself, because you’re young, and you haven’t had too many chances to screw up yet or sell out. and you have friends. some of your best may be sitting right beside you, right now. some may have just finished teaching you for four years. some, believe it or not, may be your parents, your sisters, your brothers. some you haven’t met yet, but you will, you will. anything worthwhile must be protected and nurtured. these two things you have...honor and friends...are, believe it or not, all you need. they’re everything. they’re sacred. and, like anything sacred, the world will go after them and try to separate you from them. you cannot let it take them. because when they’re gone, they don’t come back. like your tenth birthday or first love. once it’s gone, it’s gone. try not to regret it if you can."

That last line makes me feel really weird. Even more so when I notice the eye contact coming from Stretch, making me blush and Rascal nudges me with a 'Do you see it now' look. I am so confused.

"look around at your friends, at your family. right now. and then look inside, as only you can, at your honor. your soul. it is what makes you an individual. it is what makes you, in essence, you. the one thing that separates you from anyone else. are you going to give that up? go with honor into this world, my students. don’t make excuses, make optimism. don’t make a day a little worse for your having been here, make it a little better. protect your dignity and your grace and your honor and your friends and your family the way lesser men protect their money and their image and their crumbling structures."

There's that experience again, it makes me curious as to what happened to him. But why? Why am I so pulled to him? Why do I care? Damn it Rascal! What mind trickery have you done to me?! I care!

"i truly hope all of you will get what you want. i hope you live up to the measure of your dreams. i wish you great health and financial independence and a jacuzzi. sure, why not? heheheh...but if you don't get those things, you are not poor, you are not a failure, you are not a lesser person. as long as you have you’re honor, your souls, your friends."

The bell rings.

"*sigh* well that's my time. go enjoy one of the great days of your life."

Everyone starts to leave, but I can't make myself move from my seat. Rascal touches my shoulder.

"PROMISE ME...YOU'LL THINK ABOUT IT. PLEASE?"

All I can do is nod before dropping my head to the table and leaving it there.

"GREAT. THANKS LYNSIE. AND DON'T WORRY, I BELIEVE IN YOU!"

I groan as he leaves and stay put, hoping I'll fade away so I can forget everything I've come to learned.

"uh...the bell rang, lynsie. it means school ended for the day."

"*muffled* I know."

"okay...um...you okay?"

"*muffled* I don't know anymore."

I hear approaching footsteps.

"alright lynsie, what's up? everything at home okay?"

"*muffled* Yeah."

"personal life doing fine?"

"*muffled* Yeah."

"you sick?"

"*muffled* No."

"bad romance?"

"*muffled* Good song, but no. My love life is about as real as bigfoot."

"cute...then what's the matter? 'cause i can't think of anything else. actually, scratch that, i can. did my bro do something to you?"

"*muffled* Which one?"

"sans. did sans mess with you?"

I say nothing and he leans beside me.

"come on. what did he do this time?"

Again I say nothing.

"let me guess. he glued you to your seat?"

"*muffled* No."

"did he pass your phone number around school?"

"*muffled* No."

"did he take up-skirt pics of you...again?"

I sigh and sit up.

"No. He hasn't done that in while now. But that's why I don't really care for the uniforms. I hate skirts."

"then what has he done?"

I look away.

"lynsie, you know you're going to tell me eventually. i'm the psych proff. i know countless ways to get you to talk."

"And you've taught us countless ways to counter said things."

He smirks.

"do i sense a challenge?"

"If you want to play, teach, than bring your A-game. Because these lips are sealed."

"okay, game on."

It's funny how he gets excited like this, he doesn't do it often, but it is cute. Damn it, stop that, I need to focus!

"let me just put this out there before we start...you don't really have to tell me. this is all for fun."

Wow, is he really setting up for reverse psychology? That's the most simple and basic thing. Maybe he thinks I won't see it coming because it's so basic. Or maybe that's what he wants me to think. Best see how this goes and set up to counter when needed.

"Fine."

"so...sans did or said something to you, but you don't want to say what it was...probably wasn't anything to do with something personal. i mean, why would that mess with you? you got friends and one of the best grade point average in school. things gotta be coming up roses for you there."

Got to keep calm and display no emotion. Facial signs and emotions can give away too much information.

"Life has been kind as of late. I study hard. Having random insomnia helps in that department. But what about you? How has the ball been rolling in your court this year?"

A reversal of reverse psychology is simple. Just do reverse psychology to the one trying to do it to you, but do it better. He just smiles.

"been alright. a little slow sometimes."

"How so?"

"eh, just in general really. been thinking i should try to put myself out there. *plays with his toothpick* i haven't been on a date in years."

"Years huh? I can top that. I've never had one."

He looks at me surprised.

"for real?"

"Yep."

"i call bull."

"Hand to god. Never been out on a date."

"why?"

"No one's ever asked. Kinda hard to date someone when they aren't real, you know?"

"not even your imaginary friends?"

"*chuckles* Very funny Stretch."

I get up and hop over the table, sitting on it. He follows suit and sits beside me.

"But yeah. I could fill a book with a list of 'never done' stuff I never did. Things most people my age have done long ago, I can not say I did."

"so...you've never been kissed?"

"Heh, jumping right to it huh?"

"just curious. by the way...*sniff* you smell nice."

"Heh...thanks. Rascal noticed too. *blush* But I kissed a boy once when I was really young. But it was a kid kiss. No real feelings in it, even though he did like me. I think I just liked that he liked me and felt I had to kiss him because it was expected."

"social pressure?"

"Nope. Just what I thought I had to do."

"what made you think that?"

"Fuck if I know. I just did. Kinda like how I knew what death was even though no one ever told me. Saw my kitten unmoving, not breathing, it was just...so very still. Yet I remember going to my grandma and crying that the kitten was dead. I was five. How the hell did I know it was dead?!"

"instinct maybe. from watching you, you seem to grasp things fairly easily. i can almost see the gears turn in your head when i look in your eyes."

"Why would you need to look in my eyes that deeply?"

His relaxed posture faintly stiffens and I inwardly smirk, I caught him.

"making eye contact with others is a sign of confidence, respect, and social communication. studies also suggest that eye contact has a positive impact on the retention and recall of information and may promote more efficient learning."

Well played, trying to avoid seemingly noticeable awkwardness with facts. My turn.

"True, but only half true. It all depends on the person. Some might be fine with it, while others could take it as insulting. Eye contact can also be a significant factor in interactions between human and non-human animals, even monsters. Many species often perceive eye contact as a threat. But on the other hand...Eye contact can also be seen as intimate and sexual."

That causes some light color to dust his cheekbones.

"heh...this has kinda gotten off on a weird track."

"Not really. We're still on the subject you've been trying to prob me for."

"i am not trying to prob you."

"Not without your spaceship you aren't."

He chuckles and I look at his toothpick. I kind of want it. Just to chew on for a bit. Not sure where this urge is coming from, but it's normal for me. I tend to chew on any stick food comes with, like lollipop or popsicle sticks. I don't know why, I just do.

"wait...we've been on a topic this whole time?"

"Want a clue?"

"maybe."

"I want something first."

"and what's that?"

I point to his toothpick and he blushes more.

"you want that?"

I nod.

"um...i-i guess that's fine."

I reach over as he leans in and I snicker much to his confusion before taking the toothpick.

"Well...I guess he was telling the truth after all."

I put the toothpick in my mouth and he is confused.

"uh...what just happened?"

"Just confirming what your brother told me."

"and what was that?"

"He wanted me to talk to you about you having feelings for me."

And just like that, his calm demeanor breaks.

"w-what? i don't have feelings for you. that would be crazy."

"Yeah, that's what I thought too. But you give yourself away. And Rascal said some pretty interesting things that made him uncomfortable, so I doubt he'd make that type of stuff up just to mess with us."

"*sighs* what did he say?"

"You mutter my name in deep thought and sleep. Oh! And you think about me in the shower."

I blush a bit and he covers his face with his hands.

"for fuck's sake sans...*groan* fine...i admit it. i do have a thing for you."

And just like that, he breaks my emotionless cover.

"...C-can I ask why?"

He rubs the back of his skull.

"it's a little hard to explain. you...how do i put this? ...you just...okay. you know how magnets are drawn to each other? it's sorta like that."

I tilt my head confused.

"You feel pulled to me?"

"i know, this sounds totally weird and stupid. but i'm being honest here. aside from sans, i notice you before any other student. it's like there's this aura surrounding you and i can't keep from staring. and if i stare too long, i start feeling things."

"What kind of things? Like the make your pants feel tighter type of feelings?"

"you know you don't have to makes this harder than it already is."

"That's what she said."

He snickers and I put my hand on his shoulder.

"I'm not trying to make this more difficult for you. I'm just using comedy to circumvent my own awkwardness about this."

This has his attention.

"i take it you have your own feelings about this too?"

"That...That's the part I'm unsure of."

"...but you do feel something?"

I lean back on my hands and look up.

"I might."

To this he just stares at me and I try to avoid looking at him, I don't think I can with a straight face. I end up flinching when his hand touches mine.

"it's okay, just relax. i'm just testing the waters here..."

He holds my hand, his thumb rubbing tender circles on the back of my hand and wrist.

"i won't do anything to you that you aren't okay with."

I blush and slowly look back down to the floor, I still can't look at him yet.

"is this okay? you aren't uncomfortable, are you?"

"It's fine."

His hand moves up, rubbing my arm up and down.

"why won't you look at me?"

"Processing my feelings won't let me. Not yet."

"would it be alright if i...kept going?"

"Sure."

At this point he's reading my body language to judge things. His hand works it's way further up my arm to my shoulder, once there he rubs along my shoulder and neck, making me relax with a purr.

"that feel good?"

"Mmmhmmm."

He scoots closer, now using both hands to massage me. His hands are so skillful in their touches, I can't help but to lean into him and melt in content.

"You have such skilled hands."

"you feel warmer. you really must be enjoying this."

"So are you."

"true. but i'd have more fun if you were closer."

Wrapping his arms around my waist, he pulls me to his chest and I look at him with a smile.

"you're looking at me."

"I am."

"and what do you see?"

"A set of adora-bones."

We both laugh and I decide to be a little bold. I turn around in his hold and nuzzle small kisses into his neck, earning some surprised shudders from him.

"mmmmmm...that's nice...*purrs* you can uh...press a little harder, if you want. i-i promise i won't break, haha."

He blushes lightly and I smile kindly.

"Only if you do something for me."

"oh? and what would that be?"

"Well...Could you maybe...keep touching me?"

There's a look of shock that comes with a deeper blush and slowly morphs into a cool and relaxed chill.

"well if you really want me to. heh...how can i refuse~?"

Placing his hands on my waist, he kneads into my sides with a attentive touch and it has me cooing. This pleasant sensation has me trailing tender kisses along his neck and up his jawline, making him shiver with growing heat. He cups my face in one hand and leans in. Thinking of a kiss, I close my eyes, only to open them in shock as his tongue licks my lips and steals the toothpick away with a grin.

"Why do that?"

"heh...it was in the way."

He slips it into his pants pocket before pulling me into a light kiss, just a test, then it becomes much stronger and heated. His hands hold me close as mine begin to explore him, getting a feel for the bones hidden underneath his clothes.

"mmmm...getting a little bold don't you think?"

"Do you want me to stop?"

"no...go lower."

"Like this~?"

I feel along his hip and his breathing hitches.

"yeah...just like that."

"Want more~?"

"yeah~."

I slip my fingers to feel the bare bone under his pants hemline and his grip tightens with a hard shudder.

"wait, wait, stop! just stop for a second."

I freeze up all nervous.

"What's wrong?"

"i need to know...are we really doing this?"

"I'm not a hologram and you're not a dream if that's what you mean."

"no, i mean...*deep breath* would you really...be with me...in a...you know what i mean sorta way."

"Oh. Oh! *nervous laugh* Um...I'd be lying if I didn't say the idea came to me a few times."

"r-really?"

"*flustered* D-don't make it sound like that, mister shower fantasy guy."

"heh...yeah...about those fantasies..."

He has me sit back as he undoes his pants, a large honey orange magic member pops out and I burn with a vibrant red blush.

"maybe this can help us both with our oral fixation."

I snicker and test touch him. Lightly tracing my fingers on it, watching his face contort as the sensation of pleasure begins hitting him. Cautiously he puts a hand behind my head and gently pulls me down to his length, stopping with my lips mere inches from the tip. I look up at him and then at the glowing erection then back at him again before slowly letting my tongue touch him, getting a taste...like honey. I begin to lick him like a popsicle and he leans back on one arm while the other hand is petting me.

"ooooh...yeah...mmmm...that feels good...now try your mouth..."

"Getting eager just bit huh?"

"you have no idea how long i've wanted to have this happen."

"Awww...Then I'll be nice and grant your long waiting wish."

I drag my tongue from the base slowly up to his tip and swirl my tongue around the head before giving it a kiss, making him swoon with a low groan.

"lynsie...please...stop teasing me..."

"Sorry. Just...mentally preparing for this. Heh...I've never done this before. Any of this stuff."

"you mean you're a...*bites his tongue with a lustful grin* hmmm...so i-i'm your first?"

"Yep."

"*deep shudder* god i want you..."

"*snicker* Down boy. The fun has only just begun."

Giving his tip a kiss I slowly engulf his length in my mouth, making his jaw drop and a moan escape.

"ffffuck...mmmmmm...your mouth is so hot and moist..."

"*gasp* Sorry. My mouth waters when full."

"d-didn't say that was a bad thing. um...can you...?"

"Oh! My bad."

I return to pleasing him and he lulls his head back with a contented sigh.

"god...worth it...this was so worth the wait...ooooh...yeah...just like that..."

I can't help but snicker on him as I begin to bob my head up and down on him. The sounds that he makes, the fact I'm the cause of all of them, I can't deny that it's turning me on, and the more it does the more he can tell by the increased amount of attention I give him. And when I look up and meet his gaze he twitches hard in my mouth.

"oh shhhhit lynsie...you ca-aahh...you can't be real...this is too good to-oooooh...*breath hitches* to be true..."

I suppress the urge to smile as I hear an incredibly low moan sound from the depths of his throat, and a deeply-seated rumble sizzling through his bones as I hold on to his hips. His hands suddenly run through my hair, the smooth structure of his bones feels like bliss amongst the mess of hair follicles, and I pace a little faster alongside the heavy beat of his breathing heavily echoing in the classroom.

It acts as the perfect guide as I feel his shudders coarse against me and I know he's being pushed to the absolute edge of insanity as he's simply dissolved in pleasure. I attempt to go down on him as far as I can, feeling the head swell in my throat and his grip on my hair tightens hard. This incredibly raw feeling burns through me as I hear him garble a moan pass his shaken smile and he pulls me off him with a wet pop.

"*gasp* Stretch? You okay?"

"*dry swallow* i was close...nearly lost it...you would've been tasting more of me than you probably want."

"Oh. Heh...I was doing that good?"

"that would be a vast understatement. but i couldn't help but think to myself...i'm being a bit selfish."

He trails a hand to between my legs and with two fingers, he rubs into a now sensitive wet spot on my panties that has me almost curl on top of him which makes him smile.

"whoa, i got you. wow...you've been enjoying this more than i thought."

"Please don't mock me right now."

"oh i'm not. heh, i just didn't think you were the type to have a kink like this."

"W-what?"

"you have a teacher fetish~. either that or you like that i have a position of power over you."

I quiver and lean over him more.

"H-how about you?"

"hmmm?"

"You clearly...*shudder* have a student fetish. N-naughty naughty."

"says the girl getting off on it."

"Like you aren't? *coos*"

"true. but right now...this is about you."

He makes a fist and grinds his knuckles against me, making my jaw slack with a low groan. He does this for a bit, letting me ride his hand before he steps things up to the next level. Unclenching his fist, his fingers move over my skin as he edges towards the hem of my panties. Hooking his fingers over the material, and almost immediately, my voice is lost at the feel the blunt ends of his fingers touching me, tracing confidently and achingly slow over my sensitive lower lips.

Everything around me is intensely hot as I feel the shuddering spells of ecstasy rip through my form. I feel alive, as if connected to this world by the sensual rhythm of his fingers moving circles around my sex. And he can see it clearly in my eyes as they roll back in overwhelming pleasure. Every part of me comes to life as I shiver to his touch, and it's all the more fierce and powerful than I ever imagined it to be. I've given myself away to him entirely as I move my hips along to the gradual movements of his fingers.

"how does it feel? to have me do this to you? to have you melting in the literal palm of my hand and i haven't even really touched you yet?"

"Mmmmm...Stretch..."

"ah ah ah, you didn't say the magic word. use my real name. tell me what you want."

"Oooh...P-papyrus..."

"yes?"

"Please..."

"please what?"

"I need you!"

That came out more bluntly than intended, I'm embarrassed as hell and he's frozen on the spot with a deep honey blush. I open my mouth to apologize but he renders me speechless with a yank forward and a deeply heated kiss while moving my lower half into position over him. Once my brain puts two and two together, I feel the bump of his member's head at my entrance as he's lowered me down to him.

"say it again...tell me you want me."

"Papyrus..."

"yes?"

"Who is on top?"

"huh?"

"And who is in the power position?"

"uh..."

"I do want you...But I set the pace. After all, I'm the one that's gonna be ripped a new one by that behemoth."

"...fair enough, you sexy temptress."

I take a couple shaky breathes before pressing down on him and he pops inside. While his fingering of me helped some of the way to prepare me for this, I wince and take my time inching him in till we're connected fully to the hilt.

"Shhhit..."

"mmmmmm...just relax...there's no rush here...*soft purr* you feel amazing by the way."

"T-thanks. *giggles* That helps actually."

"in that case...let me help you some more."

He leans up into my neck, peppering me with kisses before giving my neck a lick, then nips, and then bites, each action gets to me. Such attention, such care, such sweetness, it's so good. A warmth begins building deep in my core and it cries out for attention, setting my skin on fire as my eyes widen in surprise at the subconscious instinct that has my hips moving on him. All pain from before is gone and my eyes flutter in delight.

"Oh...ohh...ohhhh..."

"yeah...that's my girl...oooooh...ride me...ride me like there's no tomorrow..."

"God...You sound so fucking hot right now..."

Every small thrust, every tiny jab he makes within me is met with a powerful response deep in my core. His hands grab a tight hold of my thighs and I stifle the urge to scream as the head of his member suddenly hits a bundle of nerves deep within me.

"O-Oh fuck...Papyrus..."

"yes, yes, oh fuck lynsie...don't stop..."

My thrusts gradually speed up, faster and faster, filling me more and more as I feel his length graze the sensitive nerves within my core. I've never experienced something as powerful as this and he's pushed near his edge, losing all sense of himself in me as his tongue hangs carelessly out his mouth.

"Pap...I'm close Papyrus..."

"aahh...cum with me, beautiful girl..."

I grasp a tight hold of him, my sharp gasps synchronize with his random harsh bucks, and in between the delicious rhythm of his movements, I try my best to make sense of any spiraling thoughts I have to be about him. We're almost completely gone. We can feel the climax coming, reaching to its absolute limits, and Stretch feels the pulsating urge to release himself.

Slowly, he cups my face in the palm of his hand as he forces me to look directly at him. In his sockets, there is unfathomable desire. In his eyes, there's a passion to love me as tenderly as possible. I can feel it in his affectionate hands, holding me like I were porcelain. And the feeling of being wanted by him finally tips me over the edge.

"Aaah...aaahh...Paah...Papyrus...!"

"ooooohh...lynsie! aaaahh...!"

He relentlessly fills me up as I feel our climax quivering tortuously over into each other. I feel like waves of the water is crashing against the both of us, but really what I feel is wetness between my legs, liquid warmth running down over his member and slowly melting paths down my thighs., until we both stiffen and give in to the intensive release of our orgasms.

"*shudders* W-whoa..."

"*panting* that...was intense..."

"THAT WAS FUCKING HOT!"

We freeze and look over at the classroom door, there Rascal stands with his phone out and grinning big time.

"s-sans?"

"How long have you...?"

"SINCE YOU TWO STARTED FEELING EACH OTHER UP. YOU KNOW, WHEN I SAID YOU BOTH NEEDED TO TALK, THIS WAS NOT WHAT I THOUGHT WOULD HAPPEN. BUT, I'M GLAD YOU BOTH FINALLY CAME OUT OF YOUR DENIAL CLOSETS. AND I'M HAPPY TO SAY I CAPTURED YOUR FIRST TIME ON VIDEO."

We just look at him, I know I want to slap the shit out of him and by the twitching in Stretch's eye he feels the same way. In the silence of that moment, we make a mental deal to get back at him, but for now we just take in the feels of the moment and look forward to what's to come from this new love life.

#undertale #underfell #underswap #fellswap #dreemurr academy #underversity #sans #papyrus #gaster #buttercupsticksnlicks

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vlkarchitects · 5 years

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Designing for the Pre-Operational Student

Pre-kindergarten is more than en vogue; it has become a priority recognizing that Early Childhood Education supports the formal foundational requirements for future success. The readiness skills that continue to develop and that are used throughout life are experienced during this delicate time of childhood. Early Childhood Education is generally grounded in a constructivist approach, which is a theoretical understanding of cognition, or how young children begin to construct knowledge and begin to understand their own meaning of the world. Constructivists subscribe to the philosophy that “knowledge comes neither from the subject nor the object, but from the unity of the two”1. Meaning, students have the ability to use their experiences and self-reflection to build schema; schema, in turn, allows for deeper understanding.

Young children make sense of their world by connecting the known to the unknown. With each new experience, perception changes and builds more complex understanding. Constructivism implies active learning, where students are recognized “as thinkers with emerging theories about the world”2. Jean Piaget, Swiss psychologist, is known for his four Stages of Cognitive Development.3 Based on his observations of young children, he classified cognitive stages into four distinctions. Roughly, they can be described in the table below:

Piaget, as he observed young children, thought of them as “little scientists” because they were comfortable making observations and responding to the success or failure of the manipulation of objects in order to learn. This notion supports evolving instructional practices that our newest generation is requiring. Methodologies have evolved to support active learning, and lesson design teaches, with precision, the attributes that help create the conditions for students to volunteer their time, attention and commitment in order to engage in academic content.4. Regardless of the pedagogical approach, students are being required to inquire in order to master today’s standards. They must experience and then reflect on their experience to build schema that can be translated into mastery learning.

Curricula Drives the Design

The intellectual development of children, together with curricula, should drive the design process for an early education facility. By understanding the evolution of the acquisition of knowledge and how to introduce academic content, early childhood learning centers can set young students on a path for a successful educational career. Understanding how children perceive and interact in the world is critical to the space we create for them. Specialized learning centers have become commonplace in order to provide preoperational stage students areas of discovery while at school. What is learned in small group settings builds on schema in order to master real-world concepts. The soft skills learned here also support the interpersonal needs of all individuals and teams.

Architects and educators should be working together to design space for student experiences that will expose them to future careers early in life through their classroom experiences in order to assist them with choices. Some might say this is too soon to think about careers, but in the 8th grade all students in the state of Texas must declare their intended high school endorsement or area of concentrated study based on their areas of interest. Knowing this, let us revisit some of the traditional learning centers that have defined early childhood classrooms. Although educators value the use of this type of active learning, no special architecture usually exists to support this type of learning experience. Educators are accustomed to looking at the four corners of the room they inherit, and deciding how to best use their assigned space. One corner becomes a reading area, one for dramatic play, one focused on language arts, and one on science. Then, they find a place to incorporate math and social studies into the designated space. How can we best design for future classrooms that will support the learning requirements of future generations?

The dramatic play station allows students to understand symbols and explore roles such as family member, societal figure, historical character, artist, animal, etc. This learning area can be located within each classroom, or it could be designed as a larger shared space where multiple classes are scheduled for use. Think of a modified small black box theatre area that allows for costumes and the use of props in order for students to build upon their prior knowledge and develop communication skills. It could have a small portable raised platform for more formal drama play or for presentations that culminate an intended instructional purpose. This center builds a set of soft skills that industry continues to request of their new hires. With a small black box theatre, we can create a specific space where students can respond to a given a situation or use as a free play opportunity to allow for creativity. These experiences build understanding regarding key literary concepts such as setting and time periods. No longer will dramatic play be dependent on “home center” content where everything revolves around the wooden kitchen. This specific center supports fine arts and humanities, while providing for the next generation of thespians.

The blocks station should become much more than a place in the corner of the classroom where boys want to watch a tall stack of wooden wedges fall. It should recruit both boys and girls, and it should be designed as a part of the classroom with future architects and engineers in mind, using delineated flooring with a soft surface so that self-designed skyscrapers can be built. A multitude of building materials should be available in sturdy well-designed storage spaces that allow for creativity. Here, properties of physics can be experienced. The beginnings of geometry are discovered. Design should be the intent of the station, and students should be able to work to replicate drawings and diagrams of famous landmarks. White boards should flank the area, allowing students to draw and think as they build.

A small dedicated library works to define comfortable reading and research spaces so that all students begin to connect content to context and the use of technology for almost all answers in their world. They can write and publish in this space using technology and paper/pencil as well as practice their oratory skills with peers. This space should function as the hub for all other stations, centrally located to allow research for all student interests and curricular foci. It should be flexible with inviting furniture that allows the lesson design to dictate the organization of the area. Small yet inviting displays should be designed within the area to allow for literature displays that help capture the lesson intention. Reading nooks should foster both independent reading and partner reading. Future autobiographies start here. Book clubs are born here, as well as the initiation of an appreciation for classic literature.

The science station allows for independent discovery and clearly connects with our future scientists. This area should be designed with natural light, allowing for the best possible life science environment. Students use their senses here; they use the scientific method. They predict how tall their lima bean stalk will grow, and they identify each of the plant parts. They understand basic needs of the plant and they learn to record data. They chart the weather and they begin to build schema around seasons. By designing an area where the floor is delineated for both wet and dry capabilities and where water is accessible, a student quickly learns the difference between sinking and floating and schema develops to start the prediction process of various materials as they are placed in water. Displacement concepts are born in this center, and so are the primary thoughts around matter, mass and weight. This area helps to support students who are drawn to the areas of science, technology, engineering and mathematics (STEM), knowing also that the foundation for future hydrologists and oceanographers are born here.

Each of these learning areas encourages intellectual development, supports the building of schema and provides for needed vocabulary. For each of the described learning centers, vocabulary and experience work together to build schema, which provides knowledge. Memorable and engaging experiences lead to mastery learning. By providing the most appropriately designed spaces, teachers can quickly plan for relevant, real world lessons and complex learning experiences. It is never too soon to provide the best experiences for students. Exposure to learning experiences that promote thinking, questioning and require complex reasoning can never occur too soon.

References

1. Brooks, J.G. & Brooks, M.G. (1999), p. 22. In search of understanding: The case for constructivist classrooms. Alexandria, VA: Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

2. Brooks, JG. & Brooks, M.G. (1999), p. 17. In search of understanding: The case for constructivist classrooms. Alexandria, VA: Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

3. Piaget’s stages of cognitive development. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.boundless.com/psychology/textbooks/boundless-psychology-textbook/human-development-14/theories-of-human-development-70/piaget-s-stages-of-cognitive-development-270-12805/

4. Schlechty, P. (2001). Shaking up the schoolhouse. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.

from VLK Architects https://vlkarchitects.com/insights/designing-for-the-pre-operational-student

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