#Team Jeremiah's Happiness! Forever! Always!

[roosterforme]

Always Ever Only You Part 27 | Rooster x Reader

Summary: Bradley just needs your full attention long enough for you to tell him what's bothering you, and for you to pick out a new car. He comes home from golfing completely unwilling to let you gloss things over, but the conversation veers off course once again when you share some big news.

Warnings: Swearing, smut, oral, pregnancy topics, angst, fluff

Length: 5400 words

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female Reader

This was written to accompany my series Is It Working For You? along with a bunch of my one-shots and other series, but it can be read on its own! Check my masterlist for the reading order. Always Ever Only You masterlist. Gorgeous banner by @mak-32

By the eighteenth hole, Bradley was restless. This was taking forever. He somehow forgot how meticulous Bob was when he teed off, adding probably a full hour to the golf outing. He bit his tongue and fought the urge to tell Bob to move things along so he could get back home to you. When he left hours ago, you were still sound asleep, and he was concerned that you weren't feeling well. He was also completely fed up with the way you were avoiding conversation.

He played through the last hole as quickly as he could, and when Jake and Javy suggested grabbing lunch and a beer, he made his excuses and a quick exit. "Next time. And it'll be my treat. But I need to get home."

"Angel's got you so pussy whipped," Jake drawled as if he wasn't currently driving his car around complete with a car seat for Jeremiah.

"Do you ever hear me denying it or complaining about it?" Bradley replied as he set his clubs in the back of the Bronco. "I don't think she's feeling great, and I need her to pick out a new car. I'm getting fed up with her dragging her feet. So she's picking something out today."

Jake laughed as he opened his car door. "Yeah, go try to show her who's the boss, buddy. Good luck with that."

Bradley grunted and rolled his eyes. You and he were a team, and if he had to demand that you hear him out, then he'd get his way about it. He was absolutely unwilling to return to a place where the two of you weren't communicating well. But as he drove back home, he was starting to get more annoyed. He already asked you so many times to tell him what was bothering you and what was on your mind, and each time, you'd burst into tears. He didn't even know what the hell he was doing wrong. 

"Fuck," he growled as he pulled into the empty driveway, honestly kind of missing your little shit mobile since it had made you happy. Today was his mom's birthday, and he wanted you to have a good day, but if he pissed you off, then he pissed you off. He was armed with his phone browser open to two options that would just have to be good enough. He left his clubs in the car as he strolled up the walkway to the porch in his white golf pants and floral print shirt. He would just have to get you to accept the fact that a new car needed to happen.

"Sweetheart?" he called out when he opened the door. You and Tramp both came running into the living room. "Hey, we need to talk about some of this shit. Right now."

"Okay, but-"

"Please," he said firmly, holding up one hand. "Just let me say what I need to say, alright?"

You were bouncing on the balls of your bare feet with your hands clasped in front of you. "Okay," you agreed, your voice breathy and light. All he wanted to do was collect you in his arms and smother you in kisses, but he couldn't get sidetracked right now. 

Bradley closed the distance to you but planted his hands on his hips. "I love you so much, but something is not working right now. And I'm not going to let us fall apart again. Ever. I want to talk it through right now, and I need you to participate. Starting with your car."

You reached out and let one hand rest on his abs as your lips parted, but he shook his head. 

"No, seriously, Baby Girl. I will do anything to make you happy, but could you please, please just pick out a car? I don't like leaving you home without one." He paused to lean in and kiss your forehead briefly. "I found a brand new, red Honda Civic with all of the same features as your old one. Same transmission, sunroof, everything. And it's on a lot in Chula Vista. We could go look at it right now."

"Bradley, I don't think that's a good idea," you told him, smiling up at him. He felt his resolve fracturing, but he kept going.

"Well, something has to give here! That's the best I can come up with. Unless... you want to go with the blue one I found online which is exactly the same as the one that I totaled. Same model year and everything, but it's in Maine. If you really want it, we can fly there and drive it back. I already talked to the owner about the price."

"Bradley, I don't want that one either."

He tipped his head back in frustration as your hand caressed him through his shirt. "For the love of god, Sweetheart, I am trying my best here. And you're giving me nothing. And it's not just the car," he snapped as he met your gaze again, eyes wide looking up at him. "You yelled at me for buying the wrong coffee when I thought they just changed the label, and you fell asleep while we were mid conversation. And I hurt you when we were having sex, but you wouldn't even talk about it afterwards. I need you to tell me if I'm not doing it for you, because I don't want to keep fucking this up!"

"You're not fucking anything up," you promised quietly. "You're not, Roo."

He examined your pretty, eager face and shrugged. "Then just tell me what's going on here."

You bit your lip and closed the remaining inches between your body and his, and then you smiled up at him so brilliantly, his breath caught in his lungs. As you carefully wrapped your arms around his waist, you said, "I'm pregnant."

He was frozen in time and space, barely able to process your words as his belly swooped and his heart raced. Pregnant. You were pregnant? He swallowed hard as he let his forehead rest against yours, trying to formulate words.

"Baby Girl, are you really? Pregnant?"

"Yes," you whispered, and Bradley had you in his arms, making you squeal as he lifted you up in the air. 

"You're pregnant?" he asked again, beaming at you as you wrapped your legs and arms around him.

"I'm pregnant!" 

"Holy shit!" he nearly screamed as you buried your face in his neck and laughed in delight. "Holy shit! You're pregnant!"

He didn't know what to do with himself as he held you tight against him, imagining a baby in your arms. His baby. And your baby. Something the two of you had been dreaming about for so long. The one thing he'd had to make himself understand he didn't need at the cost of a happy marriage, but that he'd still yearned for.

Your happy laughter and whispered words had his feet moving toward the bedroom. "You're going to be a dad, Roo." 

He set you down on the bed, covering your body with his large one, careful not to hurt you as your sweet lips met his. "I love you so much," he murmured between kisses that left him breathless. "I fucking adore you, Sweetheart."

You whimpered as he slowly let his hand drift down your body before inching your shirt up and running his knuckles gently along your belly. He kissed you hard on the lips one last him before easing his body down lower, kissing your sternum on his way to your belly button. He thought about the future as he said, "And I adore you, too."

-----------------------

You ran your fingers lazily through your husband's soft curls as his big hand rested on the middle of your belly next to his cheek. He was a little sweaty and still wearing his golf clothes, but everything was just perfect. The edge of his mustache tickled your sensitive skin as he whispered, "I love you."

Everything made sense now which made you feel more settled. Honestly, this was much better than the flu that you thought you had, and you giggled. "You'll be the best Daddy, Bradley."

He looked up your body before kissing you a dozen more times all over your abdomen. Calloused fingers stroked your skin as he looked at you with those big, brown eyes you were completely addicted to. "Fuck. I'm so excited. I don't even know what to do with myself," he told you as you sat up and climbed onto his lap. "You took a pregnancy test?"

"Yes. I had one tucked in the back of the bathroom closet that I bought a few months ago," you whispered, brushing his scarred cheek with your lips and the tip of your nose. 

"Where's the test?" he asked, scooping you up in his arms again as you told him it was in the bathroom. "I want to see it." You'd managed to pick it up off the floor earlier before examining it for about five minutes with tears in your eyes before you left it on the vanity. And now Bradley set you down, but he kept one arm around you as he picked it up. "Two lines means you're pregnant?" he asked, looking at you in reverence. 

You nodded and whispered, "Yes," and then his eyes filled with tears. "Oh, Roo."

"Sweetheart. You're pregnant," he said so softly. "We're going to have a baby."

"Yes," you confirmed as you wiped at his tears with your thumbs while he held onto the test. "I realized when I woke up that my period was late, and then I threw up. A lot. So I took the test."

He sucked in a deep, shaky breath before he kissed your forehead. "Do you remember what today is?"

You let your cheek come to rest on his chest as you said, "Of course I do. It's your mom's birthday. I already bought everything to make filet mignon and crab cakes for dinner. But I guess we ended up with a birthday present?"

With lips pressed to your hair, he muttered, "She would have loved this. She would have loved you almost as much as I do. And she would have been a good grandma."

And now you felt more tears stinging at your eyes. It had been nine months of trying for this moment, which wasn't extravagantly long in the grand scheme of things, but it had been stressful and hard on your marriage at times. Bradley was your teammate, and he'd worked as hard as you had to make sure the two of you made it back to a good place.

"Can we go to the store?" he asked suddenly. "Buy some more pregnancy tests so I can be here when you take one? And get some ginger ale if your stomach is still upset?"

"Yeah," you said with a laugh. "If you want."

"I want," he replied immediately, taking you by the hand and leading you toward the front door. His cheeks were flushed pink, and he was all smiles as he stopped on the driveway next to the Bronco and gasped. "The Bronco, Sweetheart."

"What about it?" you asked as he slowly backed you up until your butt hit the passenger side door. Bradley caged you in with a predatory glint in his eye before kissing your forehead softly. But you felt so calm as his hand slipped underneath your shirt, his thumb rubbing soft circles on your belly.

"A Bronco is the solution. It's so clear now. We'll swing by the Ford dealer after the drug store. And then we can drive home in two separate Broncos so you can take the tests. And then we can make my mom's birthday dinner."

Your lips parted, but no words came out, and Bradley dipped his head down to kiss you. He was smiling against your lips as his arms snaked around you. "Another Bronco?" you whispered. "You think?"

"Mmhmm," he hummed as his lips skimmed your cheek. "A lot more indestructible than your old thing. I'm not going to let our baby ride around in a little compact car death trap on wheels. Let's get a second Bronco."

"It wasn't that bad," you muttered, only slightly offended as you recalled the gigantic hole that he'd put in the bottom of your car with his foot. "Are you sure you don't just want to have access to drive two Broncos instead of one?"

Bradley leaned on one forearm against the door, still stroking your belly with his thumb and keeping you calm. "We need something big enough for a car seat to fit comfortably. If you don't want a Bronco, I think you should still consider another SUV. Preferably one I can actually fit in."

You looked up at his handsome and eager face, excitement bubbling under the surface of his expression. He was clearly as excited as you were about the positive test, and he just wanted you to be happy. Hell, he'd offered to drive a car back from Maine with you barely an hour ago. Before he even knew you were pregnant. You were still having a hard time wrapping your mind around it yourself. 

Tears stung your eyes, and Bradley's smile faltered a little bit. "Listen," he whispered, kissing your forehead. "Anything you want to drive, okay? Anything you want. But I think we need to look at the safety ratings and all that shit if you really want a compact car again."

"I don't want a compact car again," you hiccupped. "I was trying to tell you that earlier. We can go look at Broncos. I'm just so emotional. I can't seem to control it. But at least I know where it's coming from now."

Bradley smiled as he pulled you away from the door before opening it, and then he buckled you in. "It's coming from the little Bradshaw bun in your oven, and I couldn't be happier."

-----------------------------

Even the brief walk around to the driver's side door felt like too much, because Bradley didn't want to stop touching you. As soon as he could, he slipped his hand in yours once again and smiled at you before backing out of the driveway. He'd been ready for this for a long time. He knew he'd always been a step ahead of you; his desire to date you exclusively startled you at first, but he knew pretty early on that you'd be wearing his mom's ring eventually. He was ready for this day before you were, too, but he had tried his best not to rush you here. As soon as you told him you stopped taking your birth control back in November, he was ready for you to be knocked up the next day. 

But now you were, and he was looking forward to all of it. The arguments had been worth it. The way he fucked things up before had been worth it, because both of you worked hard to fix things which told him you were unbeatable. 

"We're going to be awesome parents," he said, making you laugh as he parked at the pharmacy. When you tried to climb out your door, Bradley tugged on your hand and whispered, "Come over here. I don't want to stop touching you. I don't want to let go of you."

You willingly crawled onto his lap and let your cheek come to rest on his shoulder. "Don't let go of me."

"I won't," he promised, stroking your belly again like he just couldn't help himself. "Hey, should we call your parents this weekend and tell them the news?"

You pulled a few inches away from him with a little pout and shook your head. "I think it's too early, Bradley."

"Oh. Right," he replied, suddenly embarrassed that he wasn't sure about all of the timelines and exactly what everything meant.

"You know," you added softly. "In case something... happens to the baby. It's still so early. There's still a good chance that something could go wrong."

Bradley's body felt like it was sent into a freefall just thinking about anything happening to either of you. He held you tighter and kissed you a little rougher than he meant to, making you moan as he shook his head. "No. Don't say that." His voice was thick with emotion as he squeezed his eyes closed. "Don't say that, Baby Girl."

"Okay," you whispered, taking his face in both of your hands and caressing him with your soft and steady fingers. "I won't say it again." You kissed his lips and his scars as you pushed your fingers gently back through his hair which was probably already a mess from golfing earlier. But the more you touched him, the better he felt, and he took a few deep breaths as you said, "But I'm already so attached right now that it's a little scary. Already attached to the baby and the idea of you being a daddy."

"I am too," he promised as he opened his eyes to see you so close to him. "I'm so ready for this."

You kissed him one more time as you whispered, "I love you." And then you led him inside as he remembered all the times he played with Jeremiah and changed his diapers and read him books. Oh shit, he was so excited to have it for himself, he scooped up at least ten pregnancy tests while you laughed and chased him up to the registers. 

"Do you think that's enough?" you asked sarcastically as he leaned down to kiss the top of your head. 

He picked some bottles of ginger ale out of the small refrigerator case next to the register as he said, "Listen, I missed the one from this morning, so you owe me. Just humor me, okay? I want to watch those little lines show up with my own eyes."

As he reached into his pocket for his wallet to pay for the collection of tests, he realized he was still wearing his golf clothes and shoes. In all of his excitement, he'd forgotten to change. And now he was getting excited all over again as he inserted his credit card and looked at you. Should he get you right home to take the pregnancy tests? Take you to bed and show you how attached he was, too? Visit the Ford dealer?

He groaned, knowing the Ford dealer was going to win out since he actually had your attention on the new car right now. "Here," he told you, handing you the bag as he buckled you back in again. "Drink one of the bottles so you'll have enough pee for the tests while I drive us to look at the new Broncos. Start thinking about what color you want."

"Red," you replied immediately. "It's what I had before, plus it's your favorite color."

"Fuck," Bradley practically whined, lacing his fingers with yours. "A hot, pregnant wife, a baby on the way, and two Broncos in the driveway? This might be the best day of my life so far. I don't know how much more I can handle here."

You laughed as he kissed you all over your face, resting his hand gently against your belly through your shirt. His to-do list was growing by the minute, and he was a little alarmed that his heart rate was elevated with no signs of slowing down, but every time he looked at your face he said, "I love you."

------------------------------

"It's just butter, Bradley," you said as you watched him trying his best to help you cook Carole's birthday dinner. "How are you this bad at melting butter?"

He shot you a playful glare before moving to stand behind you at the stove, wrapping his arms around you so that his hands were resting on your belly. "I'll just watch the pro then."

You shook your head, still a little startled by everything that happened today. An hour at the Ford dealership and the two of you left hand in hand after paying a deposit for the red Bronco that they were going to acquire for you from a dealer in northern California. Then you came home and took ten more pregnancy tests while Bradley sat in the bathroom with you, shooting you his big, soppy brown eyes filled with tears while he smiled. They were all positive, and they were all still lined up on the vanity, and you were pretty sure he kept occasionally sneaking off to look at them.

As you turned the crab cakes over in your cast iron pan, you whispered, "I feel like your mom is watching over us somehow."

"Oh, I have no doubt," he replied immediately, holding you a little tighter and nudging your sore breasts. "Goose, too. But especially her, on her birthday. She'd have been a mess over this news."

You set the spatula down and had to close your eyes. Your hormones were all over the place, and this was the thing that sent you immediately into a fit of body wracking sobs. "What's wrong?" Bradley asked with concern, turning you around and inspecting your hands. "Did you burn yourself?"

"No," you wailed. "I'm just so happy, but it's not fair that your parents aren't here. Like I can deal with the fact that I never got to meet them, but this is so not fair! And I'm sorry, but I can't control my emotions at all."

He pulled you closer and let you cry, kissing your ear and whispering that everything was going to be okay. As you got your breathing under control, he said, "If you're this emotional at like five and a half weeks, I guess I better buckle in for the ride."

You glared up at him before he leaned down to kiss your tears away with a smile, and you let him take the brownies out of the oven and load a plate with dinner. With your hand held in his, Bradley carried the meal to the table, but he led you to the piano instead of one of the chairs. 

"Remember how to play it?" he asked softly as he took a seat and patted the bench next to him. You needed a short tutorial, but he was as patient as ever as he reminded you of the notes. Then you helped him play and sing Happy Birthday to Carole even though it wasn't perfect, and at the end he whispered, "Thanks, mom. Let's go eat, Baby Girl."

You sat perched on his lap like always, mouth watering as you looked at the steak and crab cakes. Everything looked amazing, and you were starving. "How does it taste?" you asked as Bradley took three bites of dinner in rapid succession. 

"Fucking incredible," he replied as you cut yourself a piece of steak. It was buttery and delicious, and it practically melted in your mouth. You moaned as you tried the crab cakes, and they were pretty good, too. About halfway through the meal your stomach lurched, and you turned to look at Bradley. 

He smiled at you as you shook your head and said, "Oh no." You practically fell off of his lap as you ran for the hallway bathroom, barely making it in time to empty the contents of your stomach into the toilet. He was right behind you, rubbing your back as you sat down hard on the floor and caught your breath. 

"This is a pregnancy thing, right?" he asked softly. "Morning sickness?"

You nodded. "I think so. I was going to call my doctor on Monday anyway and tell her about my positive tests, but I'll tell her about this, too."

Bradley collected you in his arms and asked, "Are you hungry?"

"Starving," you whined, letting your forehead come to rest against his sternum. 

"I have an idea," he replied. A few minutes later, you were sitting on the couch with a plate of crackers smeared with peanut butter in your hand and the trash can on the floor in front of you. Bradley finished eating the plate of Carole's birthday dinner, and now he was working on cleaning up the kitchen while he dug into the tray of brownies. You gingerly bit into one of the crackers, and your stomach growled but didn't lurch. So you kept going. 

It took you an hour, but you finished the whole plate as you thought about how things would change around here with a baby involved. Nothing seemed too startling though, probably because you'd been subconsciously looking forward to this for such a long time. You knew Bradley was as well. And the way he came out to check on you several times as he cleaned up the house had you swooning over your husband a little bit.

You shared the last cracker with Tramp and then stood to take your plate to the kitchen where Bradley was leaning on the island looking at his phone. "What are you doing?" you asked him.

He looked up at you and blushed a little bit. "Looking at crib bedding," he replied, and you practically tossed the plate at the sink before hurrying to his arms. "You feeling better?"

You nodded. "Crib bedding?" You were instantly melting into his touch. 

"Yeah. I thought we could do airplanes?" 

You whimpered against his muscular chest as he pocketed his phone. "Yes, Roo, we can do airplanes."

He rubbed your back as you tucked your hands up inside the golf shirt he had been wearing all day and let your fingers skim along his abs. "I'm just really excited about this," he said, voice full of emotion. "All the baby stuff. And a nursery. I was already thinking about finishing the attic, but now we should definitely do it so your parents can stay up there when they visit their grandchild. And we can get those convertible car seats for both Broncos. And we should probably start looking at daycares before the baby is born. Like the really good daycares, you know?"

"Oh fuck," you moaned as you looked up at him. "Bradley. You're incredible." You rubbed yourself against the fly of his white pants, and both of his eyebrows shot up.

"You want to?" he rasped, and you started pulling him toward the bedroom. "Last time we had sex, I hurt you, Sweetheart. I don't want to do that again."

"You won't," you promised as you tugged off his shirt. "You won't, because I know what's going on now."

He nodded and reached for his pants zipper as you quickly got yourself undressed and climbed into bed. Bradley watched you as he struggled with his shoes and socks before he could take his pants off, and the two of you shared a laugh. Then you bit your lip as his hard cock sprung free, practically vibrating with anticipation as he plopped down on the bed on his back. 

"Come here," he whispered, but when you started to straddle his hips, he shook his head. "No. Up here." You leaned down to kiss him, and he welcomed you with a smile on his face, but after his tongue tangled with yours he broke the kiss. "I want you to sit on my face."

"Oh," you gasped as he reached for your butt and pulled you up until you were straddling his neck. Then his mouth was on you, and you were reaching for the headboard with one hand as your fingers grasped Bradley's curls with the other. He was so gentle, kissing up and down your most intimate parts before separating you with his nose. "Oh my god," you whined as he nudged your clit and looked up at you before starting to suck. 

You were already pulsing around nothing, your fingernails scraping along his scalp as you rolled your hips gently against his mouth. Bradley licked you up and back before sucking gently again. The more aroused you got, the more your boobs hurt, but it wasn't as bad as last time. Not when his mouth was doing everything to make you wetter as he gently ran his hands along the backs of your thighs and your butt.

It would have come as no surprise to you if he told you that you were dripping wet now as you whispered, "I want your cock."

Bradley practically growled as he released you, his mouth glistening as he licked his lips. "Only if I'm not going to hurt you," he reiterated, voice deep and gravelly as you moved further down his body. "Stop me if I am."

You lifted his length and slipped him slowly inside you as he grunted and propped himself up on one hand. "Feels good," you promised him as you pushed and pushed until he was fully seated. His eyes were big pools as he hesitated a bit before kissing the valley between your breasts, his lips feather light. And that was exactly what you needed as he brought his other hand up to your belly. 

"I love you," he whispered, letting his lips barely caress your nipple as you rocked slowly. "I love you so much, Sweetheart." 

When his tongue grazed your breast, you whined for more, so he took your nipple between his lips. Instead of sucking, he let his tongue drift along lazily as you barely rocked your hips backward and forward, playing with his hair. "I love you, Daddy," you told him as you smirked. 

He looked up at you as he released your breast and gently started to lick your left one as you cupped his cheek. Between kisses and soft nuzzles, Bradley poured his heart out to you as you enjoyed the feel of him, thick and delicious inside you.

"I'll take care of both of you. Always. I'm going to love you forever. I'll never stop. You're perfect. So fucking perfect. I can't get enough. I can't wait for everything."

You were barely moving on his cock when you came hard, your nipples wet to the cool air from his saliva and your fingers gripping his hair. "Bradley. Bradley. Bradley," you panted, squeezing him so tight as you pulsed around him. 

He grunted, watching your face as he let himself come undone, too. He was still breathing heavily as he leaned back against the pillows, and you sank down on top of him. "I didn't hurt you?"

"Not at all," you promised. "My breasts are so tender, but that felt amazing."

"Got it," he whispered, nodding as he wrapped his arms around you. Very slowly you let your body press to his, careful to get into a position that didn't make you want to wince. "I can be extra gentle," he promised. "I can be anything you need. Anything either of you need."

A chill rippled through your body at his words, because you knew they were true. You leaned up and looked at his handsome face, cheeks flushed and lips softly parted. When you kissed him, he tasted like you. His softening cock was still inside you, but neither of you made any move to get cleaned up quite yet.

"You can't stop touching me, can you?"

"I can, Sweetheart. I just don't want to," he replied softly from where he had his face buried against your neck. "Hey, we should go to bed early since you've been so tired. Maybe the baby needs the extra sleep."

"Oh," you gasped, pulling back and examining his face. "Early." You figured you had to be between five and six weeks pregnant, but the last time you had your period, it had come early. 

"What?"

Your mind was swirling as you did the math, and a smile broke out on your face. 

"What?" he asked again, looking at you in puzzlement.

If your period had been early, then you were probably only still ovulating for the very first day that Bradley had been home from his special mission. You started laughing as you kissed him over and over again before rolling onto your back and cracking up. 

"Tell me," he said, rolling to his side next to you as he started laughing, too.

"Oh my god, Roo," you wheezed. "I think you got me pregnant when you totaled my car."

--------------------------

A BABY!! A BRADSHAW BUN IN THE OVEN! MOM AND DAD! Do you want to read more of the pregnancy adventure? I hope so. The fact that this has been planned out for the past year is just wild to me, and I'm so happy I got to share it with you. Thanks for everything @mak-32 and @beyondthesefourwalls

PART 28

@hotch-meeeeeuppppp

@chassy21

@solacestyles

@daisyhollyxox

@wintercap89

@blog-name6996

@bcon24

@chaoticassidy

@avada-kedavra-bitch-187

@katiebby04

@marantha

@averyhotchner

@abaker74

@heli991113

@k-k0129

@noz4a2

@tallyovie

@shanimallina87

@little-wiseone

@ccbb2222

@lilyevanswhore

@xoxabs88xox

@thedroneranger

@cherrycola27

@fanboyswhore9

@xomrsalliej4787xo

@desert-fern

@sylviebell

@wkndwlff

@horseslovers2016

@mattyskies

@hookslove1592

@blahehblah

@sadpetalsstuff

@local-spidey

@schoollover

@lex-winchester

@magicalmorg

@nicole01-23

@jessicab1991

@happyrebelruins

@samsgoddess

@ughthisisntright

@bellaireland1981

@sagittarius-flowerchild

[meggie515]

Let me start by I love The Summer I Turned Pretty and yes, I know this it’s fiction, but find myself so emotionally invested in these characters. With Season 2 out and having just finished the book series, I have found myself thinking a lot about this series and the love triangle that is Belly/Conrad/Jeremiah.

I actually think the show is done way better than the books. Jenny did a great job with the books, but the show just takes it to another level. Loved the addition of the Deb Ball in season 1 and the boardwalk games in episode 4 of season 2. Not to mention giving Steven and Taylor more of a role as well as the other supporting characters we love. With that being said, I am gearing myself up for the gut punch that the rest of season 2 is setting up. I love Jeremiah and I think he is an amazing friend to Belly. I can see what all the Jelly shippers see and want to root for them, but I will forever be Team Conrad, just like Team Edward in Twilight. The other “team” makes complete sense and could see the characters be completely happy (it is easy, effortless, just like breathing) but it just seems to be the safe option. Yes, this person makes me happy, yes, I love this person, but at the end of the day, always feeling something is missing/lacking. Anyway, that may be just me. I live for the teen angst/longing/pining and the more difficult journey.

I know there is lots of talk about leaks and believe me, I have found myself down the rabbit hole more than once. For those who have read the books, we know Jeremiah and Belly get together and have a relationship. We know that is where the show is going. For those that are Team Conrad, it’s the part of the series that you begrudgingly have to get through. I do hope what we see isn’t too far off from the books and really hope it’s not Conrad’s confession from the third book and Belly rebuffs him as many are alluding to. Not sure how you get passed that to get to where book three ends. Guess we just have to patiently watch and see. But I know my heart couldn’t handle seeing Conrad take that blow. Must protect him at all costs. And I really don’t want to end up not liking Belly.

So I’ve been thinking (maybe too much for something that is fiction) and came to this conclusion about what we are seeing and where it might be going, tv wise. Hoping and praying the strike ends soon so we get a third season.

One of the major changes from the book to the show was Belly loosing her virginity to Conrad. (What a scene btw). I think Jenny had Belly and Conrad sleep together not just because that seems like 2023 thing to do, but it really shows the connection these two have. It wasn’t lustful or just an act of passion. It showed how much they trust each other and connecting in way beyond a verbal declaration of love. And it makes a passage from the books (We’ll Always Have Summer) much more relevant:

“Conrad and I were linked, we would always be linked. That wasn't something I could do away with. I knew that now—that love wasn't something you could erase, no matter how hard you tried.”

It just makes that statement more powerful.

In the books, I didn’t like Jeremiah cheating on Belly. That just seemed cheap and a poor excuse/way to break them up. As much as I am Team Conrad, I don’t think Jeremiah would do Belly dirty like that. So I think adding in the show Belly and Conrad sleeping together could provide the catalyst for Belly and Jeremiah calling off their wedding. And this way, Jeremiah doesn’t cheat, which will make Jeremiah shippers happier. Jeremiah is going to find out that Belly and Conrad slept together, something he and Belly never did and he realizes that he will always be second to Conrad, just like he does in the book. Even though Belly and him aren’t endgame, he is not portrayed as a cheater and bad guy. His character is redeemed, and we still get the ending Jenny wrote.

IDK, just my thoughts. Just wanted to get that out there. Like I said, I have spent way too much time thinking about this.

[goldrushenthusiast]

the fact that there are actually people that are team Jeremiah (show), Gale, Adam, and Jacob out there is crazy and I am one of those people who truly believe who you choose in love triangles says a lot about you.

Like genuinely it is so obvious who in these actually cares. So much of love triangles are lust battling genuine love and respect.

I can’t speak for Jeremiah and Conrad because I’ll be honest I’ve never seen the show nor read the book, but just in the way people talk about each of them shows so much. The parody videos of each ship and what they’ve done to each other are pretty telling. Personally, I’m team Conrad because it seems like he actually cares about Belly. He wants what’s best for her. Will not be elaborating because I don’t have the tools too, but that’s just what I’ve seen lots of people point out. Lust vs caring.

Peeta fell in love with Katniss when he saw her sing for the first time and the birds went silent to hear her. Peeta showed affection by giving her the bread, despite taking a beating for it. Gale only started showing her affection and thinking he had a chance with her when he saw what Peeta had with her. Lust and jealousy vs genuine caring, yet again. Peeta would’ve been fine if Katniss ended up with Gale, would’ve been happy for her. Gale couldn’t get over himself enough to.

For the shatter me series, I’m gonna be honest I’ve only read the first 3 and a bit of the 4th. Not any of the extended cuts either btw. And while Adam’s backstory resembles Peeta’s a lot, and why he fell for Juliette, he’s way too hung up on it! He can’t handle seeing her grow. Aaron? He actively encourages it. Adam cannot cope with that fact. Aaron supports her and helps her, and tries to do what’s best for her. Adam holds her back and hates her when she doesn’t like that. He’s infuriating.

Now, possibly the most controversial: Jacob and Edward. Team Edward forever. Jacob, much like the case of Gale, felt that because a girl hung out with him she had to date him. In fact, he felt so strongly about this, he kissed her!! Without her consent!! And laughed when she punched him!! Don’t get me wrong, I don’t exactly dislike Jacob, he’s fun and was nice in the first 2 books, but it’s clearly that his attraction is lust based. Again- does he want her to be happy? That’s the question that should be asked in all love triangles. Edward literally wanted her to be with Jacob because he thought she’d be happier with him. Like come on. Sure, he’s broody, but he actually wants what’s best for Bella vs himself. Jacob ran away from her when the wedding was announced, then showed up to it, then made her feel bad about it.

In conclusion: a lot of love triangles have really obvious choices depending on what matters most to you, and whichever does is pretty telling based on who you choose. They’re always variants of lust vs genuine care (spoiler alert- genuine care always wins) and it depends on the author as well of which is supposedly superior.

[frogsare-friends]

i always try to make shorter posts bc i can't imagine people wanting to see me ramble on forever abt a dumb teen love triangle show but it seems like more people are seeing the longer posts so ig i'll keep doing those (for all like 7 of you lol).

i think we need to talk abt conrad and jeremiah on a fundamental level (especially in relation to adam and susannah). as a team jeremiah girl, i love conrad (except for s2e8 and yall don't gotta agree but i like to state my biases). and i see a lot of "adam expected a lot from conrad" "susannah expected a lot from conrad" and both of those are true, but the same goes for jeremiah.

conrad: adam always loved conrad more and thought conrad was better; he treated him like he was better, and so he expected conrad to act like he was better. he holds such a high expectation for him that stems from the fact that he thinks conrad is just like him. and conrad enjoys it, he enjoys being just like his dad. until he finds out he cheated and then he hates it: he quits football, he fights with adam, he puts a distance between them, he hates him. and he makes it clear. and susannah never liked to deal with big, or messy, or complicated, or hard, or anything other than fun and happy. so susannah doesn't wanna deal with conrad and his complicated emotions and develops this kinda "let him work it out on his own" thing. so conrad thinks that he should be better that he needs to be better and that he's wrong for feeling things that are complicated and messy so he keeps them to himself. he shuts down. but everyone notices when he shuts down, when he pushes them away. they all notice and they all want to help but he won't let them because he thinks they don't want the messy and the complicated, he just thinks he's a lot better at hiding it than he is.

jeremiah: adam always saw jeremiah and less than conrad, and he almost saw him as "susannah's kid" bc he didn't relate to him. jeremiah cried, and he felt things, and he was honest about them and adam didn't like that. so jeremiah has never had to be better bc adam never thought of jeremiah as even good enough. so jeremiah tries to be like adam: he plays football, and he does the fireworks, and he tries to solve things between conrad and adam to make adam happy. but he also tries not to cry, he tries not to show his emotions. and he's bad at it, when he gets upset you can tell, you can see it in his face. he cries. but susannah (again) didn't like to deal with messy and complex and difficult so jeremiah felt as though nobody wanted him when he felt things. so when you see his emotions it's not his real, deep, (again) messy ones, it's his surface ones. but this does him a "favor" that conrad doesn't have: nobody notices anything is wrong. they can read his surface emotions and everyone deals with it and moves on, but he's so good at hiding his real feelings that nobody notices when something deeper is going on. to quote susannah he's "too good at being fine", he's had to be susannah's (and everyone else's) "sunshine boy" his whole life so he (the same as conrad but in different ways) thinks that nobody wants his complicated emotions. so he chases his father's approval but knows he'll never get it and the only person that ever understood him (even if she didn't want to deal with him) is dead. it's hard to talk to his best friends, adam sucks, and laurel is belly and steven's mom and also relates to conrad more. nobody notices he's struggling bc he's good at hiding it, and once he's not nobody is there for him to notice he's not okay

all in all, adam sucks, susannah was (as much as i hate to say it) a (generally) bad mom, and all of them need therapy. and no, jeremiah isn't objectively better than conrad, and conrad isn't objectively better than jeremiah. they were just treated differently and act and react differently because of it. nuance.

[animezinglife]

I think at some point, we need to have a real talk about the difference between character assassination and simply taking off the rose-colored glasses.

Example: Jeremiah Fisher.

I just finished the last book in the trilogy. That was not, in my opinion, character assassination. That was, in every sense, a very natural, too-realistic progression of how a Jeremiah Fisher type changes (and doesn't) throughout his life. I think too it's a good example of how someone can be a wonderful friend to have around in a lot of different contexts, but how that same person can absolutely not be a good fit romantically.

Especially as people age.

Especially as people grow apart.

He screwed up. Bad. But that was not the real problem--it was what sent the problem over the edge, and I think it was pretty clear they both realized that. Sometimes, two people can genuinely love each other and the relationship can still become toxic despite their efforts to "fix" it. Bad habits, lack of personal accountability, and overall incompatibility just present themselves more blatantly over time.

Equally important, I think someone can someone can be a good fit for a certain period of time--at a certain point of life--but not forever. Conrad and Belly weren't ready to be together when she was younger. She and Jeremiah were more evenly matched. That changed and evolved as they grew older and evolved.

I think the last book in general was the last straw for the rose-colored glasses Belly was wearing with both of the boys, and I'm satisfied with the way it ended.

I did drift on over to Team Conrad. I like the sweet side of Conrad. That's the one I always wanted to see and always wanted to love.

The reality is, Belly grew up and caught up to him. I was beaming when she decided to live her own life outside of them first: finish school, study in Spain, etc. Jere really didn't catch up. But I hope he finds happiness and love, and in someone who truly matches and complements him and where he is in adulthood.

It may not sit well with some for me to say this, but Jere's not a bad person. He and Belly weren't right for each other when it really came down to it.

Also, I'm not over the contrasts of how Belly and Conrad "lived" together versus her and Jeremiah. One's a team on an unspoken level, and the other falls into each other out of habit. She and Conrad are fully mindful of each other in the little ways that matter now.

I loved that some of Jeremiah's best qualities...also kind of became his worst. Same with Conrad. Same with Belly. That's life. That's reality. That's the nature of all kinds of relationships.

I ended up loving this series.

Also, shout-out to Steven for graciously coming to terms that his friends became completely consumed by his sister over the years and being there for everyone when their drama exploded everywhere. Steven grew into a champ, too. Steven's a real one.

[things-that-make-sa-happy]

Jeremiah Fisher | tsitp 1.04

[stilldancewithyou]

I don’t understand why people don’t like the way The Summer I Turned Pretty books ended...the 3rd book was literally the best one (it DOES EXIST). I love how it shows all of the characters growth from the first one and you can feel how they’ve grown up, and I loved that you got everyone’s POV. Which leads me to my next point- no disrespect but Jeremiah was never out of character. No one was out of character. The first book was only Belly’s POV, meaning we saw everyone the way BELLY sees them, from her perspective only and only through conversations she was present for- we only saw who the boys are in front of Belly (who has a very biased and idealized view of both of them). They both had lots of anger and emotions and sadness because of Susannah, but Conrad showed it and let it rip on everyone and Jeremiah hid it and just kept acting his usual happy self. But back to the third book. Joining the frat and being friends with everyone was totally on brand for Jeremiah. As for the cheating thing, Jere always felt like he had to fight to get their dad’s attention from Conrad and Conrad has pretty much always beaten Jere at everything (he even got Belly first!) so dating Belly long term is like the biggest win for Jere. BUT. he knows if he and Belly ever break up, she will eventually find her way back to Conrad. It seemed like when he went on the trip he kinda thought they might be done forever so maybe in a drunken moment of weakness and sadness at maybe losing Belly he slept with Lacey. And he kinda feels like shit after the fact bc he still loves Belly and doesn’t want to lose her, and I think he only hid it from her bc 1) he honestly didn’t think she’d ever find out (and they WERE ON A BREAK) and 2) he doesn’t want to hurt her, and admitting to what he did and breaking Belly’s heart would make him just as bad as Conrad (and it’s a whole big thing that he’s better than Conrad and the friendler, sweeter one who would never hurt anyone) and he was kinda a smug asshole to Conrad about how he’d treat her better and never hurt her. So the only way to not lose her to Conrad is to marry her. Because then Conrad can’t have her, which is the ultimate fuck you, in your face I won to Conrad. And Jere is a dick about it too, rubbing it in Conrad’s face. But Conrad is just like okay, fml, this is happening and just helps Belly plan the wedding. That “He was marrying my girl, and I just had to watch it happen” line gets me because he loves her so much he is willing TO SPEND THE REST OF HIS LIFE heartbroken watching his brother with the love of his life because he puts Belly and Jere’s happiness above his own (AND let’s not forget he literally steps away from Belly so Jere can have her bc he sees that she’s happier with Jere and he knows he can’t give her the love she deserves at that time) how can you look me in the eyes and tell you’re not Team Conrad after that??? He only changed his mind and told her how he felt because he found out about the cheating thing and realized it would be a mistake for them to get married. like they were not ready and would have regretted it. It was kinda fucked up of Jenny Han to have Laurel give Jere Conrad’s letter though. But I think Laurel might’ve done it on purpose tbh. Also I respect the Jere girls out there, but let’s be honest, Susannah knew, Cam Cameron knew, Jere knew, the entire world knew, we all knew she was gonna ultimately end up with Conrad. like I was on the edge of my seat for most of the third book but it wasn’t really surprising in the end. they were LITERALLY written for each other. also, maybe this is an unpopular opinion BUT yes Conrad was a total dick and should have treated Belly way better but Jere was pretty selfish throughout the books. He would never have just stepped back and let Conrad have Belly (um see the whole 1st book) but CONRAD DID. so yes Jere stayed in character and Conrad and Belly are forever endgame. 

also I’m sorry bc i didn’t mean for this to be such an aggressive attack on Jeremiah bc I love him and he is a great character he’s just selfish when it comes to Belly and Conrad, but otherwise sweet and funny and cute and he does love Belly he just has flaws as all characters do.

thank u for coming to my ted talk.

[cynthiaandsamus]

Custom Toonami Block Week 88 Rundown

Code Geass: It’s finally Finale time, I already did a whole post about how Code Geass has a really good ending despite being kind of rough in a lot of places in R2 so I’ll try not to dwell on that. Suzaku and Kallen get a great grudge match and Kallen gets the fucking win which makes me happy. There’s a lot of stuff packed in here, Anya and Jeremiah duke it out and he un-wipes her memory to fix her up. Lelouch yoink’s the nuke trigger from Nunally, completing his arc of still loving her but doing this for reasons beyond her. She gives the whole ‘if you wanted me to be happy then just be my brother and don’t take over the world’ but really it’s probably a net positive that he dismantled the Imperialist Seat of Power in the world and inadvertently made the United Nations, like Lelouch both got to be Hitler and found the United Nations, not many characters even in fiction can claim that. So anyway Lelouch has his nuke satellite and can kill anyone anywhere he wants and is unquestioned master of the universe. But there’s one thing he didn’t count on: a single dude with a sword. No seriously I’m sure the Code Geass universe has all kinds of conspiracy theories about why “Zero” was able to just walk up to the dictator of the world and murder him with a melee weapon but of course this was the Zero Requiem, Lelouch pays for his well-intentioned crimes and dies with a smile, fulfilling Suzaku’s martyr complex in the process by forcing him to fake his death and be Zero forever, strongarming the cooperation of Britannia thanks to his geass on Schnizel and the United Nations basically gets to be ‘well fuck that guy’ and throws the nuke satellite into the sun and focuses on being good to overshadow the horrible shit he did, all according to keikaku*. It’s really a magnificent end and gives a sugary montage of all the characters that didn’t suffer tragic deaths going off and doing their own thing. Like this yadda yaddas over a lot of the finer details like all the people that should be counted as war criminals but most of them have the excuse of “Lelouch made me do it” so Lelouch’s plan works perfectly to absolve everyone else and make him the most hated douche on the planet and an easy allegory for evil that lets everyone else be forgiven and start working for a better future and I think that’s really nice.

Inuyasha: Okay we’re still deep in filler town here and honestly, usually I say Inuyasha filler is pretty good but this one’s kind of a dud. It’s another one of those “Shippo gets a new girl for his harem” episodes, this time revolving around a black cat that looks just like Kirara but can’t do the sabre cat transformation for some reason. There’s a lame rat demon that’s conspiring against the cat to eat children or some shit but he’s not strong or interesting because he’s Shippo’s villain and we can’t give his villains too much to do so it’s just kinda lame in the end, he doesn’t even get into any goofy antics like some of the other Shippo’s Harem episodes so if you’re watching along you can definitely skip this one.

Yu Yu Hakusho: We immediately jump into the third fight of the Dark Tournament against Jin’s team and Hiei and Not!Genkai get trapped by a sexy nurse covered in ramen and Kuwabara’s still barely breathing from his sacrifice against all the Ichigaki dudes so we’re down to Fox Boy and Prototype Josuke Higashikata against five dudes, and the other team decides to make it a boss rush. I REALLY like this setup, always have because it just reminds me of playing pokemon as a kid and just ramming all my pokemon into everything and letting each one do every inch of damage they can before they faint so they can soften up the big guys for the next teammate. This one always seemed kind of bullshit because it demanded that Kurama and Yusuke basically take out 2.5 guys each on their own and this team has some decently strong dudes so it feels like a situation they can’t (and probably shouldn’t) have been able to get out of. But Kurama fights the makeup guy and he gives his whole “humans took our shit man, makeup’s from demons for power” which idk why literally no other demon tries that when we have the fucking Rugby guy and the makeup seems to be a pretty good buff system but idk. Kurama manages to kill him with literally both hands tied behind his back but the guy literally pulls a Monty Python Black Knight and bleeds to death on him and it works because the blood seals his spiritual pressure and the other shit seals his arms and legs so he’s basically got nothing for the next guy who’s the obligatory ice dude that Hiei hates because Hiei hates ice dudes. So yeah Kurama’s got all five limbs tied behind his back and can’t energy worth of shit so he’s a sitting duck for the new dude.

Fate Zero: Eveyrone’s read the script apparently and is just like “well the war’s almost over” even though literally 4/7 servants are still alive and there’s no in-universe indication that it’s any more almost over than anything else except for all the flashbacks being done and the love interests dropping like flies. Waver gets a nice scene with his fake grandpa calling him out but loving him anyway and then gets another nice scene with Iskandar where he quits being his master but joins him in battle as an equal and a friend. (which honestly, war’s almost over anyway, might as well use up the Command Seals but idk if they actually did anything or are just schmaltz for the sake of it). Saber and Kiritsugu are weird awkward divorced parent talking to each other about not finding Iris and it’s just kind of weird that we’re this far in and the two main characters have barely said a word to each other. Gilgamesh and Kirei are at the obligatory bad guy perch talking about bad guy things while smugly looking down on the city, choosing to chronenburg the grail out in the middle of the city instead of the optimal location which was the one from the end of UBW. They decide to have Gilgamesh fight Iskandar and since Berserker has a hate boner for Saber they’re just gonna let him go after her since Kariya is just a pile of bugs and spite at this point and is in no condition to direct him.

Konosuba: Another finale for this week, technically last week was the “finale” but this is a nice OVA where Kazuma has a big titty fan that’s really just a ploy for him to show off and talk big before quest girl traps him into doing a big quest right after showing off. Darkness gets her boobs flicked by a Gundam which, yeah okay why not. And apparently Megumin is a big Gundam nerd somehow in the medieval world so Aqua builds her one because apparently if it’s not about being useful in combat Aqua just kinda has whatever talent she wants. Also they find the diary of the dude that built Destroyer and it turns out he’s even more of a scumbag than Kazuma and made a dominatrix robot waifu who Kazuma doesn’t seem to appreciate but I’d still bang her idk man. Anyway Kazuma learns the jig is up on his fan and the season ends with him being miserable and angry while the girls give him tepid reassurance, honestly probably one of the lesser abuses he’s faced so it’s probably fine. Also funny that Aqua basically describes the plot of the episode in one go and it all goes exactly as she says it will. I had a lot of conflicted thoughts on Konosuba, I like how subversive and cynical it is but I also kind of don’t? It’s weird, I know. Basically I like the jokes and sarcasm and shit but I wish they’d give the group a solid win a little more often and not feel the need to undercut most of the serious moments. Like despite the series making a lot of jokes about how close the group is and they’re just the kind of friends comfortable enough to pick on each other, every time they try to show genuine connections between them they immediately double back on it and go back to them hating each other’s guts and I feel like the balance is a little off and I’d like to see a little more of them being genuine friends played straight in between all the sarcasm and jokes at each others’ expense. But overall I had fun, basically if you know the character jokes already you’ve pretty much seen the series because there’s not much more than that but it can still be a fun ride.

Sailor Moon Crystal: So after Wiseman traps Chibi-Usa in spacetime or whatever, she becomes sexy Adult Dark Lady Chibi-Usa, Nega-Usa I guess. Gotta say I really love the design for Dark Lady, I’ve seen it all over on Sailor Moon posts but it’s neat to see her in action. Sailor Moon villains are kind of forgettable since most of them have exactly one ineffective power before Sailor Moon one-shots them with the Moonhamehameha but Dark Lady is pretty neat. Anyway Usagi’s still wandering around Castle Greyskull or whatever they call the Dark Moon place and she finds the big fuckoff reactor that is the nexus of dark energy and Demand’s brother’s like “Hey my brother thinks you’re hot and it’s really fucking up our evil plans so if it’s okay with you please RIP and also this big fuckoff reactor could blow us all up at any second” and Usagi’s just like ‘wtf do you want me to do about that’ and legit is like “Maybe it IS my fault for bringing eternal life and peace to the world” which the series continues to present as a good thing so idk where they’re getting that from but she’s like “Nah” and goes Super Sailor and kind of fuses with her Future Self in some sort of Yugioh situation and can transform and summon her captured friends. Before they can fucking murder everyone, Wiseman and Dark Lady show up and kill half the bad guys for them, really fucking sucks they offed Rubeus out of nowhere, like he was the main dude sending all the girlbosses to their death so I thought he’d get some kind of fight at least but guess not, he gets the Gomu Gomu No Demon Hands. Of course the fighting angers the big fuckoff reactor and Demand and his brother run away and the Sailor Gals return to the Hyperbolic Time Chamber where Sailor Pluto and the Tuxedo Maskeses are. Everyone’s back together now and everything’s cool except their daughter is evil and possibly the ruler of all spacetime, we’ll see.

Durararax2: After last week’s more cursory intro we get more into the meat of the season this time. We’ve still got everyone running around looking for Celty but we also get introductions for the new first years at Raira, including Aoba, and Izaya’s twin sisters Mairu and Kururi who literally picked their personalities out of a hat as kids to be quirky anime characters because that’s how shit works in Durarara!! It’s an interesting repetition of the Mikado/Masaomi/Anri trio from season one with extra quirky injected directly into it with Mikado acting as the (slightly) seasoned veteran for Aoba as the new wide-eyed yet jaded everyman protagonist. It’s really pretty neat, I was a bit intimidated since the OP/ED for this season cram a LOT of new characters in but they seem to be working them all in relatively organically and the nonlinear storytelling is a bit confusing but it’s more for fun little easter eggs of realizing why things happened than being essential to the timeline.

Durararax2: Bonus episode for missing last week: So last episode Shizuo beat the shit out of the Hollywood killer for trying to rob him and also the dude Shinra’s dad sent to capture said killer (that even Anri was afraid of for some reason) and this episode basically covers how both of them handle getting absolutely fucked up by a man in a bartender outfit. Hollywood is an Idol named Ruri (which I think is the idol the guy that drives Dota’s van got in to see thanks to the Italian guy in season 1 if so that’s a great callback) and honestly she heals like Wolverine so she’s fine and is just kinda happy because she likes monster movies and Shizuo’s the closest thing to a real live Godzilla so that’s understandable. Apparently she’s kinda like Garou from One Punch Man and was rooting for the monsters in all the monster movies because they had freedom so one thing leads to another and her family home burns down and she’s an idol/makeup artist by day and movie masked killer by night, as you do. Meanwhile the Orihara twins find Celty’s money she dropped and give it to Shinra to pay for the other dude Shizuo fucked up’s surgery which is super fucking ironic because Celty was really depressed about losing it but it was back in Shinra’s hands before she even told him about it. Ruri and Shizuo’s brother bond over being fucking weirdoes and the tabloids think they’re dating or some shit and they might be, those two are both harder to read than a book made of solid lead with no pages. But between meeting Shizuo and his brother, and Celty, Ruri realizes that being an abomination against nature doesn’t mean you can’t seek out your own happiness that doesn’t involve skinning people alive and I think that’s a lesson we can all get behind.

*keikaku means plan

[me-myself-and-my-fos]

Reunion

Pairing: Jeremiah Valeska x Nic Valeska

Word Count: 2442

AU: Dark

Summary: Ten years after Jeremiah is thrown into Arkham he escapes, and the first people he visits his wife and children…

A/N: This is based off an RP I did with @dancing-with-skeletons a long time ago. Basically Jeremiah never falls into the acid in this au

It was exactly 10 years to the day since Nic last saw her husband. She remembers how hard it was to adjust coming to terms with having to raise their twins by herself. Since the trial, since his incarceration, Nic had no contact with Jeremiah as per the agreement she made with the DA, a condition that let her keep custody of the twins and not send her to Blackgate. It hurt, even still. Not being able to let her husband know how the twins were doing. She wrote him letters and took pictures, none of which she ever sent. Jim had offered once to take the package to Arkham, that there was no harm in him participating as a proxy for a brief period. While she appreciated the offer, Nic couldn’t stomach the thought that all of Jeremiah’s knowledge on the development of their children would be coming from a box and not in person. He would never know that Sarah and Tiberius’s first words were “dada” or that Sarah took her first steps at 10 months, much quicker than her pediatrician had expected. He would never know that Sarah was top of her class, or that Tiberius had just recently joined the robotics team. Jeremiah would never get to see how much the twins looked like him, something Nic constantly reminded them. She’d always tell the twins how they had their father’s hair, and that Sarah had his eyes, or that Tiberius looked almost identical to Jeremiah at that age.

In the 10 years she spent without Jeremiah, Nic developed a nightly routine. Every night, after the twins were put to sleep, she would sit in her bedroom and write. She’d write to Jeremiah about what transpired that day, how much she wished he was there and how she hopes that one day she’ll see him again. After the letter was finished, stained with her tears, she’d date it and fold it up, placing it in the box with the other letters and pictures. The box was hidden in her closet, a place the twins would never find it.

It was late, close to 10pm, when she was getting ready for bed. Nic wasn’t aware that the front door to the house had been picked and was slowly opening and closing. She wasn’t aware that someone was coming up the stairs and noticed the bathroom light on. But the hairs on the back of her neck stood up as the figure stayed in the darkness, staring into the bathroom. She tried to ignore the quickness of her pulse, assuming it was due to the thoughts that filled her head all day.

“You still look beautiful, darling.” Came a voice from the darkness.

Nic froze, her brush in her hair as she paused. Her eyes widened, tears pooling in her eyes. No. Her mind was playing tricks on her. It had to be.

“You grew your hair out.” There was a soft chuckle. “I always remember you hating it long. What changed, darling?”

She finished brushing her hair, setting the brush down on the counter. “You should leave, Jeremiah.”

He stepped into the doorway, the lighting revealing him to her. It was no surprise he aged as she did, but her heart still stopped. Even after all these years, he still looked handsome. “I thought you’d be happy to see me.”

“When did you escape Arkham?” She asked, tying her hair up with a scrunchie.

“Hours ago.” He replied, taking a step closer. She tensed slightly at his close proximity, especially when he stood behind her and she felt his hands on her waist. “I needed to see you.”

“Jeremiah… please leave.” She said meekly, not having the heart to look at his reflection in the mirror. She didn’t need to look to know he had a soft smile on his face as he looked at her.

“Are you sure you want that?” He asked. “I’ve missed you, Nic.”

She let out a shaky breath. “I missed you too, Miah.” Her knuckles gripped the sink. “But you really need to leave. The police—”

“—cannot stop me from seeing my wife and children.”

“I… I can’t lose you. Not again.” She whispered. Her knuckles had gone white from her grip. “It’s been so hard without you, Miah. Raising the twins… I needed you. And I’m so sorry I haven’t told you about them. I couldn’t. If I did… if I did, they’d take them away. I already lost you. I couldn’t lose our babies.”

Jeremiah pulled her to face him, and he cupped her face in his hands. He wiped away the tears running down her cheeks with his thumbs. “I promise you, dear, that won’t happen. I won’t let it.”

She covered his hand with hers. “I missed you so much, pumpkin.”

He leaned down and kissed her softly. She leaned into him, her free hand finding its way to his belt. She tugged on it, attempting to pull him as close to her as physically possible. “I love you, my darling.”

She smiled against his lips. “I love you too.” Then she frowned. “The kids… last time you saw them they could barely sit on their own.”

“I imagine they aren’t babies anymore.” He chuckled.

“They’ve gotten so big.” She gave him a sad smile. “Would you like to meet them?”

Jeremiah blinked, taken aback by her question. He honestly wasn’t expecting that, not so suddenly at least. He was hoping for a little more time with his wife before he got to meet his children. But he smiled, kissing her head. “I’d love to.” Nic took his hand, lacing her fingers with his and pulling him from the bathroom. They headed down the hall and stopped in front of a bedroom door that said “Twins’ Room” in bold, rainbow letters.

“They should be asleep,” she whispered to Jeremiah. Her hand reached for the knob and she slowly opened the door. The moonlight shone through the window, and there was a small night light on between the twins’ beds. They were each curled up on their separate beds opposite of each other. Nic quietly stepped into the room, careful not to walk on any of Sarah’s discarded legos or Tiberius’s drawings. She tiptoed over to Sarah’s bed, kneeling beside it. Nic gently brushed some ginger hair from her daughter’s face. “Gingerbread? Wake up, sweetheart.” Sarah slowly opened her eyes, a small whine escaping.

“Mama?” She questioned, puzzled why her mother was waking her up. Nic didn’t reply, only kissing Sarah’s head and creeping over to do the same with Tiberius. Sarah took her glasses from its place under her pillow and put them on. Nic flipped the light switch by the door and the lights came on. The twins rubbed their eyes.

“Kids, someone wants to meet you.” Nic announced, looking towards Jeremiah at his spot in the hallway. He hesitated for a moment, unsure of the reaction he’d receive from them. He wasn’t even sure they knew who he was. Nic gave him a small encouraging smile, and that was enough for him. Jeremiah walked into the doorway, and the twins’ faces lit up. They recognized him from the pictures their mother showed them.

“Daddy!” They both shouted, jumping from their separate beds and running towards him at full speed. The moment they attached themselves to either of his legs, Jeremiah had to grip the doorway to keep from being knocked over.

That was not the greeting he had expected. Yet, he felt relieved they knew him. He bent down, pulling them into his chest and he hugged them tightly. Sarah and Tiberius hugged back, neither one losing the grin on their face. Jeremiah pressed a kiss to their heads.

“You’re home!” Tiberius grinned.

“I am.” Jeremiah nodded, smiling at his son. “And I’m not leaving. I promise.”

“Daddy, where have you been?” Sarah asked. Nic chuckled lightly from her spot in the room. Sarah was always the inquisitive one.

“Away,” Jeremiah said. “But I’m here now.” He kissed each of their heads again. “I love you both so much.”

“I love you too, daddy.” Both twins replied, happily hugging him tighter. Jeremiah could have stayed like forever.

“It’s time to go back to bed.” Nic said. She didn’t want to end the moment, she truly didn’t, but she’s dealt with the twins when they’re sleep deprived and tired. She wanted them to get rest for the next day. “Don’t worry, though, your father will be here in the morning. You’ll get to spend more time with him.” She smiled.

“Can he tuck us in?” Tiberius asked, peering up at his mother. He didn’t have to give her the puppy eyes, but he did it anyway for added effect. It worked.

“Of course he can.” Nic replied.

Jeremiah tucked each of the twins in bed, kissing them goodnight and saying he’d see them in the morning. They were satisfied with that, and Sarah, as always, fell asleep as soon as her eyes were closed.

Nic shut off the light, leaving the only sources being the moon and their night light. She closed the door once she and Jeremiah were out of the room. She took his hand and led him down to her bedroom, closing the door once they were inside. It was a mostly barren room, only the bed and her closet and a single dresser. There were pictures hung on the wall, some of Jeremiah long before everything occurred, others of the twins at various ages. Jeremiah sat on the edge of the bed, taking in everything.

There was a tinge of guilt in his chest as he watched Nic rifle through her closet for something. He was the cause of all this. Had he not done what he did, he would have been able to raise the twins with Nic. They would’ve had the family they talked about so long ago. They would be much happier than they were now.

Nic sat beside him on the bed, a small box in her lap.

“What’s that?” Jeremiah asked her.

Nic scooted over, placing it between them. “Something I made for you.” Her voice was shaky as she spoke, she sniffled as she lifted the lid off the box. Inside were many letters, and pictures as well. They were mostly of the twins, a few of Nic with the twins. She picked up one of the pictures and showed it to Jeremiah. It was a more recent photo, he could tell, as the twins looked about the same age they are now. However, they were dressed as Frankenstein and Frankenstein’s monster. “This is from Halloween.” Nic gave him a small smile. “Sarah got to choose their costumes this year, and she wanted to be Frankenstein.”

Jeremiah smiles softly. “And you?”

Nic laughed. “I was Igor.” She placed the picture down and pulled out another one. It was the twins by the Gotham pier, both holding fishing rods with small fish attached to the hooks. “Every summer I’ve been taking the twins fishing. They love it so much.”

“They look so much like you.” Jeremiah commented. He remembers back in school, the first time he ever saw Nic fishing. She had a bright smile on her face, just as the twins did in the photo. “They have your smile.”

“And they have your freckles.” She replied. “And your hair, Sarah has your eyes, Tiberius has your face…”

“Sarah also has your nose,” he pointed out playfully.

Nic shook her head, smiling a little wider. “Sarah is so much like you. She’s brilliant and determined and she loves building things… She’s so much like you.”

“Tiberius seems to be a lot like you.”

Nic nodded. Her eyes fell to the box. “I wish you were here for all of it. Their first steps, their first words… Miah, their first words were ‘dada’.” She wiped away a stray tear. “Every year, I ask what they want for their birthday. Do you know what they told me every year without fail?” Jeremiah stayed silent, although he had a saddened hunch what the answer was. “All they wanted was their father. And every Christmas… I’d take them to see Santa and all they’d ask him for is for their father. It broke my heart every single time I heard that. I couldn’t tell them why you were away, just that you were and that you love them very much.”

Jeremiah pushed the box to the side, pulling Nic closer and hugging her to his chest. He rubbed her back as she let out the first of many sobs.

“And all I wanted was to have my husband home so we could be a family.” She whispered tearfully.

“I’m here now, darling, and I am never leaving you or the children.” He whispered, kissing her temple. “No one can ever force me to leave you ever again.”

“Miah, if the police find you—”

“They won’t,” he told her. “Because we’re leaving Gotham.”

She pulled away, tears still running down her cheeks, but Nic gave him a look of confusion. “We’re… what? Leaving Gotham?”

He nodded, taking her hands and squeezing them. He absentmindedly rubbed his thumb over her wedding ring. He was surprised to find that she still wore it, even after all these years. “We are leaving Gotham, somewhere the GCPD will never find us. Ecco is going to get us out of the city, and we’ll be free.”

She stared at him for a long moment. It was so sudden, Jeremiah coming back into her life and now leaving Gotham. It was almost overwhelming.

“But–but what about your work? Your–your plans for the city?” She asked. “Everything you worked for…”

“In due time, darling.” He grinned, kissing her cheek. He was thrilled to hear even after all she’s been through, Nic still supported his work. “With you back by my side, we can get back to work. And the children, well when the time comes, of course they’ll be our heirs. But we will be a family.”

A surge of excitement pulsed through her body. Nic grinned, the tears having stopped long ago. “When do we leave?”

“Tomorrow,” he told her. “Tonight, I want to be with my wife, and in the morning, spend time with my children.”

Nic leaned forward, kissing him passionately, her hands pulling at his tie. She leaned back, laying on the bed with Jeremiah on top of her. “It’s been ten years, love, I need to be with you. In every way.”

Jeremiah smirked, trailing kisses from her jaw to her neck. “As you wish, my Queen.”

[theabominableblogger]

My Reaction to “Gotham” S5E5

*still reeling*  ....OK.... hold on....

AN:  I managed to record my reactions to this episode and hopefully I can transcribe what I said into this post.

*Recap shows Ed blowing up Haven in the flashback*  So why did Ed blow up Haven?

Crap, and Jim’s gonna find out.  WhooooOOOOO....

Whoa....

*has to tilt head to side to figure out what film is playing*

AN:  It’s a 1953 noir film called “Tangier Incident”

“You gonna arrest me?”  “Who said anything about arresting you?”  *raises eyebrows in surprise*

“Whaddya say, boys?”  Uhhhh...

OK, what is it with churches this season?

Take him down, Jim.

“Now, who told you I sold that RPG?”  A friend.

*gasps when a military squad rappels through the stain glass on the ceiling*

Whoa whoa wait what?

Oh I like that camera shot [when Jim took down the arms dealer]

*gasps when the arms dealer gets shot in the head*

Ohhhh is this-

*Eduardo walks up and pulls down his mask*  Yooo!

“Last time I saw you, you were running through sniper fire plucking my sorry ass from a burning truck.”  *chuckles*

I am very interested to see how Shane West is gonna pull off Bane.

*silently jams out to opening theme*

Oh, I like this slow version.

“We hated each other in boot.  Jim disapproved of my ops tempo.”  “Yeah, ‘cause you only had one speed:  too fast.”  *chuckles*

Ahhh Harvey’s being the third wheel!

“We’re here to eliminate all criminal threats.”  *starts chuckling*  Eduardo’s rolling his eyes.  He’s like ‘I can’t believe I’m here either.’

*lets out small gasp when Jim finds Ed’s name in the arms dealer’s ledger*

“What you [Harvey] are is the best cop that I know.  I’m goin’ after Nygma; he’s ten steps ahead.  If anything goes sideways, you’ll have to take over.  I need your help, buddy.”  VINDICATIOOONNNN!!

*trying to read the name of the episode writer*  Who wrote this?  Id- what?

“You saw what she did to Jeremiah.”  Did you though?

“Jeremiah Valeska deserved to die.”  *smirking because we all know he’s still alive*

“Jeremiah made Selina a murderer.  Just like Ra’s made me a murderer.”  “Ra’s goaded you into stabbing him, Master Bruce.  He used you as an instrument; you’re no murderer.”  *jaw drops* 

*sits back in seat*  Holy shit, that parallel!

“And I’m gonna go find her.”  Oh, I’m betting Selina’s not gonna be happy to see you.

*fans self*  This episode’s gonna break me.

*Ed listens to his past recordings*  A swamp?

“YOU’RE NOT A MURDERER, ED.”  Wow, I love Jim Carrey in “Batman Forever”

*gasps when Ed breaks the mirror by punching it*

*chuckling*  How did they find him so fast?!?

“No, Jim, I can explain!”  *nods*

“I can prove it!  I just- I need- I need a little bit of time.”  No, no, take him in now.  Take him in.

“The people I have hurt... they hurt me first.  I didn’t know a single person in Haven!”  What the hell kind of excuse is that?

“Your call, buddy.”  Don’t shoot him.  Just take him in.

“We bring him in.  He stands trial.”  There we go.

*The floor panel under Eduardo sinks down*  Oh my God, they put a bomb in the floor.

“Your friend is standing on a pressure-plated IED.  One of several throughout the rooms.”  Of course he found time- when did he find time to rig the room?

*laughs*  That little eyebrow [raise of Eduardo’s]- like “Really?!?”

“Once word gets out that you’re responsible for Haven, they’ll have a target on your back.”  “I’ll take my chances.”  Really?

“A wristband that monitors his heart rate?”  “Welcome to Gotham.”  *laughs*

“Puzzle?”  “There’s always a puzzle with Nygma.”  Yes, there is.

*Jim climbs over to the bookshelf on the tables and chairs*  The floor is lava!

Actually Jim and Eduardo work really well together.  I like that.

*sighs in relief when Jim manages to get to the bookshelf*

*still laughing*  How do you get rid of a bomb?  Easy.  The floor is lava!

“I’m gonna wring this nerd’s [Ed’s] neck.”  *laughs*  SAME!

*Jim pulls out one of the books*  ...Did he stop it?

*Jim steps down without being blown up*  YEAH!  There we go!

“You OK?”  “You left the army for this city?”  *giggles*

“It grows on you.”  *still giggling*

What is this?

“Everybody, raise your glasses to the killer of Jeremiah Valeska.”  *shaking head while smiling*  No... mmm no...

“Bring his head!  Bring his head!”  Ohhh...

Also, where the heck is Jeremiah?

*chuckles at Ed being described as a “tall, skinny man”*

...That’s not much of a description to go on.

*very confused at a group of people rallying together to kill Ed*

I miss Mr. Penn

“Edward Nygma is the monster respon-”  *gasps*

“-responsible for killing the innocents of Haven.”  *covers mouth with hands*

“...Ed, what have you done?”  *leans back in seat*  Ohhh my God.  Oh Oswald, are you gonna break my heart this episode?

I can’t believe Ed is stuck within a redneck community.

So who sent Eduardo and his team?  The government, right?

“Taking him down?  That’d be a big win.”  “Well, that’s why we’re here.” Oh my God, are they gonna take down Scarecrow?

*Ed tied to a lawn chair covered in electrical wire*  What the....

Also, Ed, I want your boots.  Also, why is a guy wearing anklet boots?

What??

What??  What am I watching?

What??

Are they gonna electrocute him?  What??

*The redneck family electrocutes Ed*  Well “Honey Boo Boo” looks terrible.

“Pay for JoJo!”  JoJo?

*The mother shows Ed a sepia picture of JoJo*  A dog?  What?!?  This about a dog?

AN:  Also the actress who plays the mother here was in the Adam West Batman show.

“300 people died in Haven!”  “Pfft, we don’t care about people.”  *jaw drops open in shock*

WHA-WHA- WHAT AM I WATCHING??

“He... always had a smile on his face.”  You’re talking about a dog.

“You anthropomorphizing nincompoop!”  Wha- *starts giggling*

“Dogs can’t smile!”  *leans back in seat to laugh* 

[Ed’s] Gotta whip out that thesaurus!

*Ed starts remembering Oswald*  Oh my God!

“I’m going to fix you, Ed!”  *starts singing “Fix You” by Coldplay*

*gasps when Ed gets electrocuted with a full charge*

“I’m gong to fix you, Ed.”  Please go find Oswald!

“Oh thank God the fuel line’s clogged.”  *leans back to laugh and slaps table in hilarity*

*The mother makes her sons “fix” the fuel line*  Oh my God, is that gonna send the charge back?  Oh my God, he’s gonna burn these suckas alive.

*gasps when the car used to electrocute Ed bursts into flames*

Please tell me Ed’s gonna like take off on down the street with the chair still attached-

*Ed does exactly that*  YES, LET’S GO!

*imitates the way Oswald says “feelers” sarcastically*

“I am surrounded by morons, Edward.”  Aaawww...

Did he really just come in through the grate?

“But first, did you name your dog after me?”  YES BITCH HE DID

Oswald’s like “I’m not answering that question.”

“Cobblepot’s on the top of my list from Walker.”  Walker?  Wait, Walker sent them?  The secretary lady?  Are we ever gonna meet her?

AN:  Yes, in the next episode.

“Shock and awe’s my default.”  *raises fist in small fist pump*

Poor Harvey’s the third wheel on this.

“You know what, take Harvey with you.”  YEAHH!

“Man, you’re killing my buzz.”  Is Selina drunk?

Yes, she is.  How old are these kids?

“Let me [Selina] tell you [Bruce] something.  That night, that your parents were murdered?”  Nooo!

“I was in that alley, on that fire escape.”  This is such a low blow.

*trying not to be sad over Selina bringing Bruce down*

“You... were the scared kid.”  *sits back in seat*  Oh my God... shut up, Selina!

I’m very disappointed right now.

“I love this song...”  *shakes head in disapproval*

*Selina and Bruce start crying*  Oh God, you’re making me... *fans near eyes* 

Whoa, that was just the most sudden cut [back to Ed and Oswald]!

“How could you?  You have made into some murderous puppet!”  *shakes head*  No, I don’t think Oswald’s behind that!

“For weeks, I've been waking up in strange places, not knowing how I got there or what I did.  Driving myself mad, thinking I had gone mad.  And now I know that it was all your doing!”  No it wasn’t!

*claps hands toward screen*  NooOOO... LISTEN!

“Of everything that you have put me through, this... this is the most cruel.”  *puts hand on chest and shakes head*  Oh my God...

Nooo...

“Ed, I [Oswald] don’t know what you’re talking about.”  He didn’t have anything to do with it!

“You didn’t fix me!  You broke me!”  *puts hands in front of mouth in panic*

“You [Ed] had been stabbed, I [Oswald] paid Hugo Strange to save your life.  I bet he did something to you when he was patching you up.”  *flailing hands around*  OK, ask about Lee!  WHERE’S LEE?!?

“What was I supposed to do?  Let you die?”  *crosses hands over chest and leans back in chair*

“After Butch, you were my only friend.”  *voice squeaky*  Oh my God!

*Holds up finger toward screen*  You [Oswald] are not gonna make me cry!

Whyyy do I recognize this music?

AN:  It’s the track called “Penguin in Love” from S3

He [Oswald] walked into the gun [that Ed was pointing at him]!

Can you two just please have a drink and just make up please?  Thank you.

“I [Ed] might have killed you, Oswald.  And if that day comes, I swear to you I will stare you in the eye as I stab you in the heart.”  *slowly nods*  Glad to know we’re back on schedule.

*slams fist down on table like a gavel*

“If Hugo Strange did something to you [Ed], it means you are not responsible for Haven.”  So what did Hugo Strange do?

*gasps when the roof shudders over Oswald and Ed*

*Ed disappears*  Of course Ed runs!  Jesus... Christ!

“Idiot!”  *giggles*  His little hop [when Oswald slapped one of his men on the shoulder in anger]!

Whoaaaa that’s a cool shot [of one of Eduardo’s men throwing a smoke bomb in the foyer]

Ohhhhhhhh that shot’s cool [of Oswald in the smoke]!

“Why hello, Harvey!”  *in same tone of voice*  Hiiiii!!!

“I hope you’re better prepared.”  Uh, he [Harvey] has the military with him.

“Or, if you [Harvey] and your friends aren’t out by the time I count to three, I will mow you all DOWN!”  Robin Lord Taylor is just killing it in this episode.  Oh my gosh...

Also, Cory Michael Smith with that [confrontation with Oswald].  That scene was so good!

“I don’t have to call anyone.  Go ahead.  Count.”  Ohhh, let’s go, Harvey!   Let’s go!

*gasps when Oswald’s men got shot down via sniper on the staircase*

“Where’s Ed Nygma?”  He doesn’t have him!

*gasps when Ed is taken to Barbara’s office*

*points at screen*  How?  How?

“There’s more going on here.”  There’s always more going on in Gotham.

“I’m saying that Strange, or somebody, can control me.  They killed those people.”  Why would Hugo Strange go after Haven then?

“Information is your lifeblood.  You help me [Ed], and I will give you the best intel you’ve ever had.”  Listen to him, please.  Barbara, listen to him.

“I don’t know where Strange is.”  Where the heck is Strange then?!?

“But I can tell you where you’ll find his Igors.”  Wait, he has his own gang called “Igors?”  Oh my God...

*gasps*  Are they torturing Oswald?

“You know, they say you can judge a man by his friends.”  “This from a man [Oswald] who has no friends.”  Wha- excuse me!  You [Jim] are his friend.

“Nygma’s a patsy.”  *cracks up*

“Jim, you want information.  I want to go home.”  Same.

“Things are changing in Gotham.”  We know.

*Eduardo opens the door to the empty interrogation room*  Oh my God, did he let him go?

He let him go.  Jiiimm...

*jaw drops open in confusion when Strange sends a cadaver down a chute*

*chuckles when Ed jumps out of a body bag to surprise Strange*

“Oh my.”  *laughs*  Yes, BD Wong, come through!  Yes!

I’m actually really glad we see Hugo Strange again

This lighting in this location is fabulous

“But I [Strange] will confess that when I was sewing up your [Ed’s] knife wound, I may tinkered a little with your grey matter.”  The frick?!?

“I put a chip in your brain.”  :O

“It allows you to be able to be controlled remotely.”  *shoves away table with screen on it*  What the [expletive]?!?

“But I don’t control you.  I gave control to others.”  Who’s controlling Ed?

“I [Strange] will write it down.  That way, if I’m ever confronted, I can honestly say that I never told you [Ed].”  That’s actually a pretty good way to go around it.

*Strange knocks out Ed*  :O

“Not to worry.  You’re experiencing a simple neural cut out.”  What?

“I suppose we’re just going to have to open you [Ed] up and take a look under the hood.”  *gasps*  OH my GOD!

Holy shit!

“Are you [Bruce] sure you’re all right?”  No he’s not!

“What if we don’t make it out of this?”  *crosses hands over chest and leans back*

“Because the little things matter.  Act by act, deed by deed, it means something.  Even if no one cares.”  Oh my God, Harveyyyyy!!

We’re adding him to the Bat-Dads.  Yes!  He’s the Bat-Uncle!

*laughs when Bruce pulls a Batman on Harvey*

*gasps when Strange turns off one of his tools*

“I apologize for the discomfort.”  You better not!

*leans back and yells in disgust when the camera shows part of Ed’s exposed brain*  Did we really need to see the brain?!?

What the frick happened?!?

*gasps when Oswald is shown carrying his dog*  Oh my God!

That’s it.  That’s the best part of this episode.

Secret door...

What is- what is this place?!?

That a manhole?

*makes aawing noises at Edward in Oswald’s arms*

He’s getting him out of harm’s way!

“Edward, I believe the time has come for a change in scenery.” *still cooing over the dog*  Yeah...

Is he [Strange] stapling his [Ed’s] head [closed]?

*gasps when Jim holds Strange at gunpoint*  Shiit...

Wait, so if Ed’s like the Winter Soldier for Gotham, who’s Hydra?

“I [Strange] am a scientist.  A contract came along; I developed a tool.”  Why??

*gasps in shock when Eduardo activates Ed’s chip*

:O

“Ta ta.”  *flips off screen in shock*

“I [Eduardo] couldn’t say anything until we had the suspect in custody, but Walker wants Ed Nygma taken out now.”  *soft gasp*

“Walker was behind this?”  Wha-

“You know I hate this spook crap.”  *chuckles*

Why would the government blow up Haven?

“Walker wants you [Jim] to put a bullet in his [Ed’s] brain.”  *shakes hands at screen*  No no nonononononono!

“Call it proof of loyalty.”  Why?!?

“IT’s what she needs from you before she can move forward with final relief plans.”  What are they gonna do to Gotham?

“Look at him [Ed].  He’s a loon.  A cop killer.”  *shakes head*

Why would they destroy Haven?

“Jim, ours is not to reason why.”  He’s [Eduardo] just a lieutenant.  He doesn’t know anything.

*gasps and slaps hands on desk*  It’s like Russo in “The Punisher,” because he only took orders from Agent Orange and Orange didn’t tell him everything!  He’s a dog on a leash!

“What’s your answer?”  He’s [Eduardo] not gonna shoot Jim.

*leans back when Jim sets down his gun*  God... oh my God...

*gasps when Jim pulls a surprise attack on Eduardo*

Wait, how is Ed just frozen there?

“You [Ed] know Jim Gordon.  You know this city.  Find him and kill him.”  What?!?

*Ed yeets down the chute after Jim*  OK, that kinda took me out of the moment but what the hell am I watching?

God, that city looks terrible.

*gasps and reels back*  It’s Jeremiah!  Yes!

He’s just sleepin’, this scary, beautiful man.

What are they doing?

What?!?

“Ouch.”  *eyebrows raise*

“Stitches still sore, huh?  Never would have happened if you [Jeremiah] wore that armor I [Ecco] prepared.”  *scoffs*  Of cou-

“That bullet is making you [Ecco] sentimental.”  Glass houses?

“Give her a shake, huh?”  *jaw drops out of mixture of shock, confusion, and being grossed out when Ecco shakes her head for him*

“I told you I had to let Selina thrust the knife into my flesh at least once.”  *tries not to be disgusted”

“Verisimilitude trumps precaution, you see.”  *ends up smiling*

AN:  What a great line.

“Selina Kyle and Bruce Wayne needed to think you were dead, boss.”  “Yeah.”  Thank you, Captain Obvious-

*gasps when Jeremiah suddenly makes Ecco lean down toward him*

Where are they?  Is this still that tunnel from the Soothsayer’s lair?

*jaw drops in shock when Jeremiah and Ecco walk into the sitting room of Wayne Manor*

*slaps hands on table and leans back*  SHHHUT THE FRICK UP!

Shit, this is the music from the first trailer!

*gasps and jaw drops open in absolute horror when the surgery patients are shown to Jeremiah for the first time*

*Jeremiah laughs*  [very softly] My God...

“gasps when the camera gets in Jeremiah’s face*

“I love family reunions, don’t you?”  *just shaking out of shock*

*shoves away laptop and table at the final shot of Jeremiah*  Ahh my God!

*End title pops up*  Wait-wh-wh-wait what?  What?

*gets out of seat to take it all in when end credits roll*

*comes back after a good five seconds*  What the freak did I just watch?

*sits for a while to try to catch my breath*  Whoo...

We got to wait two weeks for another episode?  Get the frick outta here.  Oh my God...

[naivesansa]

u got any Jerome headcanons 👀👀

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES• he’s pansexual and agender — he doesn’t really get a concept of gender really well and to be frankly honest - he doesn’t care at all• although jeremiah mostly lied to his mother about jerome plotting his death not everything about jerome was a straight up lie — he’s always been different twisted even and prone to violence• jerome loves snakes and if he could he would have thousand• jeremiah and him had a really strong bond — not happy nor healthy but undeniably strong. jeremiah leaving left a huge mark on jerome’s mind• jerome used to have big uncontrolled fits of mad sobbing — now it’s just laughter• he has very mild schizophrenia• he would probably fuck everyone he could if he had time and opportunity - he’s basically horny on main• he’s a dominative switch with a preference for being a top • he used to self harm as a form of relieving strong emotions • he’s more of a sadist than a masochist but still - both• he has a pierced tongue• he also often paints his nails crazy colors• he has orgies with his followers - don’t try to change my mind you can’t• he’s team edward forever• jerome’s actually really really smart — people just never really cared because of jeremiah’s intellect• he fucked with oswald onceokay i think it’s more than you asked for but I LOVE THIS BOY !!!

[sunlitroom]

Gotham s4, e20 - That Old Corpse

As I watched it, and some random observations here and there.

Previously on Gotham:

Lee and Ed very likely defiled a gameshow wheel. Lee wants to make sure her people are safe! Jim's looking for Ed Nygma.  Lee wants to catch the real criminals who are making money off the backs of the poor.  I'd ask how she thinks Mario's med school fees were paid, but that would be mean. Oswald doesn't like being locked in a vault.  Lee got arrested.  Jeremiah vs Jerome, who’s more than a man - he's an idea.  Don't open sinister presents.  Burn it down, brother

As always, long post will be long.  There are likely to be rambling digressions. Gobblepot might appear (although I welcome all shippers and non-shippers alike :)).  There will be naked favouritism and naked not-favouritism.  Broader comments at the end on plotlines and parallels and general direction.

A cold and grey-looking graveyard.  A breeze blows a flier with Jerome's face on it, which comes to rest against a headstone – Jerome’s headstone – which bears the legend: Second Time’s the Charm!  

Brothers and sisters!

There’s an obnoxious guy leading proceedings - one of Jerome’s cultish followers, and some equally obnoxious but apparently less ambitious acolytes milling.  Jerome’s followers are wildly annoying – which is possibly why he was always so happy to use them as cannon fodder.

They begin their usual spiel – but are interrupted by a motorbike.  The rider alights – and we see that they are dressed as a jester.

The leader tries to throw his weight around, saying that this affair is invitation only.  Yep – that’s really true to Jerome’s legacy of chaos. RSVP.  What a tool this guy is.

The jester shrugs and the bells tinkle.  There’s some laughter – but obnoxious man tells them that they’re welcome to stay, but won't be leaving.   He throws a knife, which the jester deflects, before sounding a klaxon and playing a message from Jerome through a megaphone.

Why so sad, bozos?   You think they could get rid of me so easily?  Well – they did.

However, he tells them not to dwell on negatives – but throw one last party.  First thing on the list – dig up his body.  

The jester watches as the acolytes do as they’re told.

 At GCPD - Jim looks somber, peering through the glass panel at the top of the door to the interview where Lee waits at a table.

Harvey asks what he’s going to do – and implied that Jim could just let her go.  Jim refuses.  Harvey says that she only robbed a dirty bank - people get away with a lot worse.  Jim replies that doesn’t make it right. Harvey’s tone is more urgent when he reminds Jim that

We got away with worse – both of us

Jim loses his temper and snarls at Harvey that he doesn't need that crap thrown in his face right now. Yeah – Jim.  Nasty old consequences.  Such a drag.

He then tells Harvey to get out – which he does.

 Jim enters the room. Lee barely glances at him

So you finally nabbed me, copper

That was a very Ed-esque remark.  Jim asks her what the hell she’s doing.  Lee remarks that she doesn’t suppose that anyone expected their story to end here. Jim asks if it is ending – and she asks him what’s left.  She doesn’t sound resigned, in the sense that she wishes things were different – more just….done.

Jim says he wants to help. If she gives up Ed and returns the money, then she can get supervised probation.  Lee refuses to give Ed up.  

Jim is struggling to keep hold of his temper.  He says he knows her, and this is just her way of helping people – he understands that, the appeal of being Robin Hood.

Lee says he wishes could he could help like she does - without the straitjacket of the law.  Jim yells the law lost meaning because people like Lee abandoned it

Lee tells him to send her to Blackgate

Jim yells that he doesn’t want to – and that he wants to let her go, but he can’t.

Lee says that if he lets her go, then he could let himself go.  Jim goes into a misty reverie about the things he wishes he could change – things he’s done.  Lee says Jim? in a concerned tone – which was basically her plotline for two whole seasons

Jim is interrupted by Harvey – telling him something has come up, and leaves.

 The something turns out to be a present from Jerome – a video.  Harvey asks if Jerome is definitely dead – to which Lucius gives a hearty yes.

They play the tape. It’s apparently Jerome’s last will and testament.  He plays up to the camera a bit

I hope I gave as good as I got, and left ample carnage in my wake

He has one last request – a wake at GCPD.  He tells them not to worry about planning, he sent invitations.  

Jerome laughs on the screen. Harvey says he doesn't like the sound of that – and we hear a mob approaching.  Jim, Lucius and Harvey put the station on lockdown, as Jerome’s followers try to surge up the stairs.

 Ed holds court in the Narrows.  He’s also wearing boots that look almost exactly like the ones I got from TopShop.

Five or so Narrows’ residents are there.  They want Lee freed – since she’s helped them out so much.  Ed tells them tersely that no-one cares about the fate of Lee Thompkins more than he does – which is why he’s not just letting them bumble in.  He has no intention of leaving her in the sweaty palms of Jim Gordon – that overgrown boy scout.

If it were up to him, he continues, Jim would be off the field – but Lee prefers non-lethal methods. So – he will create a team, and extract her with surgical precison.

He gives one follower the specific task of assisting Jim – should he get into trouble.  They’ll carry out their plan, and then get back to counting the huge pile of money we see on the table.  Breaking Lee out will be a piece of cake.

 GCPD.  Jim is phoning Alfred to ask where Bruce is.  Alfred tells him that Bruce is meeting with Jeremiah to discuss the energy generators.  Jim says Jerome's followers are rioting – and Alfred immediately begins preparing lots of guns.  He says that Bruce is maybe safest in the maze – but he’ll head there anyway.

We hear a thumping noise in the background.  It’s a battering ram.  Jim hangs up on Alfred, and tells Harvey to open up the armoury.  

 Jerome’s lead follower continues to aggravate.

Jim tells Harvey not to direct everything at them.  Dead or alive – Jerome likes to use distractions.  This is just a diversion from another target.  Jim aims to play him at his own game.  Harvey is reluctant to run – but Jim tells him to let them take the station, tire themselves out – then they’ll surrpund the station and take them out.

It's so nice when Jim gets to think.  Also I got very distracted by his eyelashes in this scene, which are very blond and pretty.

Harvey asks if he has a plan.  Jim says he has, but it’s sketchy.  

 Bruce and Jeremiah are at Jeremiah’s maze home.  Bruce is praising Jeremiah’s invention.  He promptly gives a demonstration – using it to power the maze off-grid.  Jeremiah looks to Bruce for approval, which he gives – excited about the possibilities.

He also says he wants Wayne Enterprises to move forward as quickly as possible with this- but Jeremiah suddenly seems nervous.  He says it needs to be secret, and that it’s the ones closest to you that you have to keep your eye on - he knows better than anyone.

Arkham sent Jeremiah Jerome’s personal effects, whih apparently included his diary, which he’s now showing Bruce.  It contains his fantasies and goals – his whole twisted vision.  There’s lots of gory sketches.

Bruce looks at Jeremiah with concern

Maybe you shouldn't spend so much time reading it

Apparently Jerome’s favourite plan was torturing and murdering Jim, Bruce, and Jeremiah. Bruce puts a hand on the page to stop Jeremiah’s increasingly manic babbling.  He tells Jeremiah his brother his dead, and he needs to leave his bunker and join the world.

Jeremiah mutters that he has difficulty believing Jerome is dead.  Meantime, Bruce’s phone rings – Alfred, warning him about Jerome’s followers. Bruce tries to keep a casual face and non-committal answers – and tells Jeremiah that the call was just about lunch plans.

Jeremiah eyes him oddly – vaguely hurt incredulity.

That was a lie - you're lying to me, Bruce

Bruce immediately owns up and apologises – telling Jeremiah what’s really going on.  Jeremiah is instantly fearful – saying that Jerome isn’t dead after all, and is coming after him.

 This is taking forever – so - in short - Alfred is attacked at Wayne Manor.  It sounds bad.

 Jeremiah is pacing, as Bruce tries to calm him.  He says he’s not like himself, not thinking clearly.  Jeremiah confesses the truth about the gas.  Bruce back a way a little, but stops.  Jeremiah says he keeps seeing Jerome clawing his way out of the grave, coming for him and Bruce.  He knows it’s not real, but it feels real – and he can’t control himself.

Bruce asks what if he could show him Jerome dead and buried.  Jeremiah asks how – and Bruce suggests going to his grave.  This has all gone a bit Wuthering Heights.  Bruce tells him Jeremiah took away his greatest strength – his mind.  Reality will free him of the trap.

Jeremiah says that if he thinks that would work, then he'll try

You're a good friend, Bruce.

 At GCPD – the battering ram is still being deployed on the door.  Jim tries to usher Lee out of the station, but she pulls away from him.

She wants to know what he was trying to tell him before.  She alse tells him to come to the Narrows – and make a real difference.  I’m enjoying Lee way more this season – but this just sounds pretty infantile.  What will Jim do there, exactly?  How is it better than what he does at GPPD?  Does Lee just believe in vigilante justice now?  Bank robbing is OK? Lee’s vision for the city is as unworkable and chaotic as Jerome’s.

Before he can get her out, the door is broken down – and the acolytes pour in.  He hands Lee to Alvarez, gets up on a table and yells to hold fire.  Looking round, though, he puts his plan in action – and yells that there’s too many of them: they need to fall back.

Lee looks round, but is shoved into a wall, and knocked out.

Jim heads to the locker room – followed by some of the acolytes.  I have quite a big crush on Jim on this episode.  Is it because he got to be thoughtful and clever?  Is it because his blue suit brings out his colouring? His eyelashes? Who knows.

One goon who approaches Jim says he’ll carve him up.  Harvey and Harper appear in the doorway behind them – and ask if they like to dance, tasing them.  Jim grins.

 In the kitchen at Wayne Manor, we see a pool of blood on the floor, and Alfred’s phone ringing out.

 Back with Bruce and Jeremiah at the graveyard.  Jeremiah asks if there’s something wrong, but Bruce says that Alfred would have headed to the office and waited for them there.

Jeremiah is jumpy.  We hear crows and spooky whistling wind sounds. I like crow noise.  It makes me feel calm.  There’s also thunder in the distance.  This graveyard is pretty heavy on the atmospheric ambient sound.

As we near Jerome’s gravestone – we see that the grave is empty.  Bruce says the followers must have dug him up – but Jeremiah panics and runs, with Bruce following.

 Oswald is eating dinner and watching cartoons. Butch snatches his food away, and Oswald asks how long these petty aggressions will continue. Butch says they’re not petty. Oswald asks if he’s supposed to starve while he guesses.

Butch says that Oswald said that if he joined him – they’d be back on top. Instead, they were grubbing around for Jerome and played by Nygma. He adds that Oswald also said that if he joined him, he’d find a cure.  Oswald admits that - through no fault of his own - advancement has not run apace

Butch says they’re squatting and robbing liquor stores while everyone else is carving up Sofia’s turf. Oswald somewhat unconvincingly says they’re waiting until more obvious players show their hand

Butch grabs Oswald and says he will crush his windpipe if he doesn’t get what he wants.  Oswald wriggles, looking fearful – but then his attention is caught by the TV, and he tells Butch to shush – he senses an opportunity.  It’s the news about Jerome’s followers laying siege to GCPD.

Oswald laughs and points. Butch doesn’t understand his excitement, but Oswald tells him that  confusion is an opportunity for the clear headed.  Someone is showing their cards, and he’s going to take a peek.

(An aside - with potential spoilers, so be warned.......

One of the suggested options for a big betrayal in the finale is that Oswald will get hold of Hugo Strange, but will want Butch to be turned back into Grundy.  I'm kind of.... not feeling this pushes Oswald into the irredeemable category they warn us about every season.  

First of all - it sort of overestimates how much I care about Butch.  Secondly - we saw how Oswald approached Butch initially.  He wanted a return to the old days. He referred to Butch as his second-in-command.  He was, for Oswald, friendly - not half as peremptory as we've seen him with other colleagues.

In return, Butch threatened him and choked him.  He's continued to threaten him.  Oswald's not the architect of his troubles - that would Ed - back when he stitched Butch up in s3; Barbara - when she shot him, and Tabitha - who rejected him.  On top of that - he's somehow managed to shift complete responsibility for his cure onto Oswald.  Mate - if you despise him that much, then don't work with him at all.  Go solve your own problems.  Bluntly, I kind of feel he's made his own bed here.  If he had been reasonable from the outset, I don't honestly think Oswald would have chosen this path: he'd just have been relieved to have an ally.  But - still traumatised after the physical abuse and torment that he endured in Arkham, I can understand how Oswald's response to more threats and violence might be to neutralise the threat completely.)

 Outside GCPD,  we can see that Ed's assistant watches Jim from a distance.  Harvey and Jim have the leader guy in the boot of Harvey’s car – and are interrogating him with the help of a taser.  Jim tells Harvey to ease off since the press are there – and lowers the boot a little to hide what they’re doing, while telling the guy to spill or he’ll stop worrying about his safety.

The guy caves and says they’re too late anyway – Jeremiah and Bruce will already be dead.  Jim runs off to the bunker, while Harvey keeps tasing away.

 Ed approaches with his band of Narrows’ residents.  One looks up at him

Trouble, Mr Riddler?

Ed nods, as he realises prisoners have already been removed.  He spots a nearby van – and thinks this might be easier than planned.

He flings the doors open. A random prisoner is overjoyed

It’s the Riddler!  We're saved!

Ed scowls – and asks how they got out.  The man tells him that it was through the old service door.  Ed promptly closes the van door – and comments that they’ll have to improvise.

We need to find a costume shop!

 The van door opens again – this time revealing Oswald and Butch.

It’s the Penguin!  We’re saved!

Oswald makes the best ‘no’ face ever at the man – and simply points to the leader, who Harvey presumably deposited there after he got tired of tasing him.

Butch lifts him, and they leave.

A fed-up looking prisoner turns to the optimistic prisoner.

You ever get tired being wrong?

 At GCPD – Lee takes in the chaos, and then slips away elsewhere in the station.

 Bruce has followed Jeremiah into a crypt.  He tells him they need to leave – and they’re not safe here.  Jeremiah tells him Jerome is alive, and asks him how can trust him if he won’t believe him.  Bruce tells him that he’s his friend.  Jeremiah replies that he wants him to be his friend, and that he doesn’t know what it was like – living underground for all those years, and then Bruce came along, offering him everything he ever dreamed of.

Bruce and Jeremiah have a brief, heartfelt conversation about how Bruce believes in him, and how they could achieve great things together.  

Bruce says, though, that they have to get out of the cemetery.  Jeremiah seems confused by this, then paranoid.  He shoots at Bruce’s feet, as it slowly becomes apparent he thinks Bruce is actually Jerome – wearing a mask.  He orders Bruce to turn around and – grabbing him – accuses him of killing his friend Bruce, and tells him he’ll put him in the grave.

 Chaos at GCPD.  Ed has managed to sneak inside, dressed in a clown outfit.  He makes his way to the Medical Examiner’s room – which is a little nod to Ed and Lee’s shared background at GCPD.  

However – Lee has been lurking behind the door in case of intruders, and promptly wallops him over the back of the head with something heavy.  On realising it’s Ed she’s knocked out – she exclaims, and bends down to check on him.

 Jim is in the maze - looking for Bruce and Jeremiah.  In the central office, he looks at the generator, and looks over the plans.  In the background – a monitor flicks on.  Jim approaches it warily.

 At the graveyard, Jeremiah is walking Bruce to Jerome’s grave.  Bruce tries to reason with him – but they stop short when they see Jerome’s corpse propped against the grave.

 On-screen, we see Jerome – who bids Jim howdy.  He says he’s still dead – this is just some posthumous fun.  He knew Jim would see through his shenanigans, and wanted him here all along.  We hear a sound – and see that the jester has a gun to Jim’s head.  Jerome laughs.

 At the graveyard – Bruce still tried to reason with Jeremiah, telling him that someone is tormenting him.  Jeremiah, however, seems to have completely snapped.  He says he’s a man of science.  He takes out a switchblade – and says that he can provide evidence, slashing towards Bruce.

 Back with Jim.  Jerome tells him not to mind Ecco.  She’s just there to make sure he doesn’t talk during the movie – he needs to pay attention so the plot makes sense.

Suddenly, Jerome is grabbed by a pair of hands belonging to someone off-camera.  He begins comedy choking.  Jim takes advantage of this – and begins to fight Ecco.

 Cut to Jeremiah fighting Bruce, yelling about peeling off this grotesque facade

 Cuts between all the fights. Jim unmasks Ecco.  Jerome is still being choked on screen.  We pan to the other screen – and see that the choking hands belong to….Jerome.  He turns to the camera and comments that suicide takes it out of a guy – as he begins to peel his scarring away.

 At the graveyard, where Bruce and Jeremiah are fighting. Bruce pleads with him, as some acolytes haul him off, that he can’t let Jerome win.

Jeremiah straightens up – suddenly calm

Jerome beat me?  That'll be the day

The follower beside Jeremiah calls out long live Jerome

There’s scattered laughing that doesn’t last long, since Jeremiah shoots that follower in the head. He remains icily calm throughout.

Jerome victorious?  Are you serious?  He's dead. Haven’t you been paying attention?

He removes glasses to wipe the blood spatter from his face, as he does – his normal complexion wipes off, revealing chalk white skin below.

 We cut back to the screen with Jim – who watches as ‘Jerome’ wipes his face clean.

 The graveyard – where Jeremiah kicks Jerome into the open grave

I'm the one who's victorious.

 Back to Jim, staring at the screen

Jerome is dead. Long live me

We see the scarring was only makeup – and it’s actually Jeremiah. This is exactly how white I Iooked when I tried Paula’s Choice physical sunscreen.  Do not recommend.

 At the graveyard, Bruce is led away.  Jeremiah says that the insanity gas failed. There were cosmetic effects, but Jerome may as well have sprayed him with water.

Madness is feeble compared with greatness

He says that he is the face of true sanity.  He read the compendium of Jerome's obsessions and goals, and will outdo him.  He wanted to turn Gotham into a madhouse - but to truly build, you must first tear down.

 Back with Jim. On-screen Jeremiah apologises for the inconvenience.  He comments that his generator can store phenomenal energy, but will overload.

 The graveyard.  Bruce tells Jeremiah the gas worked – why else would he be entertaining Jerome’s plans?  Jeremiah points to the book, and tells Bruce that Jerome wanted to slather him in honey and have him eaten alive by corpse beetles.  That’s… kinda pervy, Jerome.  Unimpressed – Jeremiah remarks that is mad.  If he wanted to kill him, he’d just do it.  Shoot him in the head - simply and sanely

Bruce tries to interrupt him, but Jeremiah sails on.  He says he doesn’t want to kill Bruce.

The followers grumble. He asks if they’re going to listen, or behave like children.  He turns back to Bruce.

I want to show how much we've changed things.  I couldn't have done it without your help.  He smiles.

 Back to Jim. The generator hums ominously.

That sound you're hearing - that is a very bad sound.  It makes you something of a guinea pig, Jim.

 The graveyard.  Jeremiah tell Bruce he’s indebted to him.  The generators work even better as bombs

 Back to Jim – who hits the emergency button under Jeremiah’s desk and runs out into the corridor.

 Outside GCPD - Harvey says it’s time to take their house back.  However, before they can do anything – there’s a huge explosion in the distance.

 Back to the graveyard, where the explosion is also visible.  Bruce stares at Jeremiah

One down. Jim Gordon is dead

Bruce screams no, and struggles.  It’s nice to get the reminder of Bruce as the boy whose first instinct around Jim was usually to try to hug him.

Yes, Bruce - sorry - progress requires sacrifice

Bruce says he’ll stop him. Jeremiah replies that he really hopes he won’t try.  He’d hate to kill him and can honestly say that Bruce is his very best friend.

He punctuates this remark with a backhand that knocks Bruce unconscious, right into the grave beside Jerome.

 Oswald and Butch, and the annoying Jerome cult leader.  Oswald tells him that he wants to know with a minimum of fuss what he and his cohort are really up to.

The leader isn’t the brightest spark in the fire – and just mouths the usual rhetoric.

I’ll never betray the memory of Jerome!

Oswald rolls his eyes. He doesn’t expect him to betray the memory of that old corpse.  He wants to know who he’s currently following. Oswald – with Oswald’s knack for sensing a shift in power – has figured out that there’s something different about this latest behaviour, but hasn’t realised that the followers themselves are unaware of this.

The follower offers another long live Jerome!

Oswald throws his hands up, irritated, and sits down.

Butch chips in – asking if he’s staring at him.  He says that sometimes he catches a glimpse of himself and it scares him too.  You’re just pale, Butch.  Jeremiah is managing to work it.

He then gets threatening – saying it makes him angry.  And the longer he’s like this – the angrier he gets.  He adds that the follower is preventing him from finding the cure – and that makes him very angry.

A bored Oswald asks him if his plan is to gain his sympathy by reciting his tale of woe.  Butch says no – he just wanted to make him pee his pants in terror.  He then suggests sticking chicken bones up his nose until he squawks, which he proceeds to do.

Here comes the wishbone train!

Oswald does his little train mime again, from back in season one.

Woowoo!

The medical examiner’s room. An unconscious Ed has his head resting on Lee’s lap – I think.

The smartest man in Gotham and you let heart do the thinking

She slaps his face to bring him round.

Ow!

Were you awake this whole time?

He was apparently – and is beaming at Lee calling him the smartest man in Gotham.  He sits up, and they both kneel on the floor, facing each other.

She tells him that there better things to aspire to.  Smiling, he says he does aspire to them, very much.

She tells him to be himself – the guy who can let go of the past and change: she likes that guy.

He smiles at her.  She asks if he has a clown costume for her. He says that while he’d be into that – he’d brought her a gasmask, since the cavalry will be coming very soon.

The dregs of the party at GCPD is dispersed when they throw in some tear gas. Good show.

 Ed and Lee head out through some kind of side door, hiding under a staircase as cops file in. They’re standing very close.  Lee is eyeing Ed like he’s edible – and then grabs him, hauling him in for a kiss, which he reciprocates.  They break apart.  We get a slightly ominous tone of music as Ed tells her not just to wrap him round her finger.  It’s gone, though, as she smiles at him and tells him

Come on – let’s run

 Harvey hits a random passing acolyte for taking a leak on his desk, and offers a beer to Harper.  He says the chaos reminds him of his first apartment at Crown Point – where he still lives.  Lucius approaches, and tells them where the explosion took place – the bunker, where Jim was headed.

 A corridor at Wayne Enterprises.  Jeremiah approaches.  A guard asks if he’s alone or with Bruce.  Jeremiah replies that he’s not alone – and we see Ecco is with him. He’s in full Joker-style garb now. They quickly kill the guards and steal a clearance card.  

Entering the room – we see lots of his generators.

Look at these – the gifts of true friendship

He tells Ecco they’ll load them on trucks – and give the city a new face.

 General Observations

The big tour de force here is the foundation that’s built for what will be one of the most abiding and strangest relationships of Bruce’s life – his interactions with the soon-to-be Joker.

I do think the set-up is effective.  It’s poignant in that they’re two people who could have been friends, could have meant a lot to each other.  Bruce wants friendship and connection.  Jeremiah is quiet, and clever, and his upbringing has been as odd as Bruce’s in many ways.  

For his part – much as he was to Jerome – Bruce is a proxy brother to Jeremiah (Gotham does love its proxy families).  Just as Bruce did for Jerome what Jeremiah didn’t do – came back to rescue him from his abusive uncle – he gives Jeremiah the companionship and support he needs.  

Now that Jeremiah is what Jerome made him – Bruce remains paramount in his mindset, although the relationship is now forever twisted.  We know Bruce felt guilty about Jerome’s destructiveness, and equally unable to leave him to his abusive uncle.  It’s likely that the glimpse of might-have-been he’s had with Jeremiah will mean he’s equally unable to give up on him  - both his sense of responsibility for the devastation he wants to cause, and the faint hope that he can be cured and redeemed.

It's irritating that an episode that has some amazing moments - the simultaneous fight scene, for example, and this set-up for Bruce and the Joker's weird relationship, and an amazing performance by CM - also contains some examples of one of Gotham's old problems: the seeming forgetfulness of what's happened in previous episodes, which leads to inconsistencies and messy loose ends.  So, for example….

Jim flies off the handle at the notion that Harvey is referencing Pyg when he mentions that things that both of them have got away with in the past.  However, not only are there many other things Harvey might have been referring to - but both Jim and Harvey seemed fairly settled and stoic on the Pyg issue.  Jim's sudden flash of temper seemed out of place - like some of the development in recent episodes hadn't happened.

Both Jim and Harvey seemingly have a case of amnesia regarding Lee's attempted murder of Sofia Falcone.  She's not just misguidedly trying to do good in the Narrows.  She shot someone in the head.  Have they written that off?  Covered it up?  Forgotten about it?  I have no idea - because it's just not touched on at all here.  I know Lee outright confessed it to Jim just last week - has he forgotten about it since then?  Has he just decided not to chase this up?

Why is Oswald squatting in Sofia's mansion?  Is he still officially on the run?  Is this the continuation of Jim's decision not to re-arrest him?  If he's hidden Martin away somewhere - how will he clear his name?   Is he hiding because Falcone loyalists are likely staking out his home?  If Sofia's turf is being carved up - why was her home left uninhabited?    Is it being carved up because she orchestrated the murder of her father's old capos - leaving herself without allies? On that note - Victor isn't doing anything about this disrespect?

Why is Lee's curiosity suddenly piqued by Jim's almost confession?  She found out, episodes ago, that Jim must have had dealings with Sofia. She knew he must have been up to his neck in dodgy dealings, but didn't care about that beyond being willing to sell him out to save her own people.  Why is she now behaving like Jim having a guilty secret might be news, or of interest?  It wasn't before.

The best part of this week was the stuff with Jeremiah and Bruce -  because it was consistent to what we know of their personalities. Bruce wants to help people - on a small and a grand scale.  He wants to share Jeremiah's invention because it can do good, but he also wants to help Jeremiah himself.  He also likes him, and wants to be friends.  Jeremiah (even after whatever the gas did) wants Bruce's admiration and friendship.  His actions - although now hopelessly poisoned - are all tangled up in that. What they do here is rooted in their characterisation - and so it works.  As for everyone else......

Thoughts?

[seekfirstme]

The following reflection is courtesy of Don Schwager © 2020. Don's website is located at Dailyscripture.net

Meditation: What lesson can we draw from Jesus' parable about a thief in the night and the parable of the rich master who returns unexpectedly to reward or dismiss his servants for how they have served his estate while he was away? Both parables confront us with the possibility of losing everything we possess and treasure now as well as the future inheritance that is saved up for us.

The thief in the night

Jesus' story (parable) of the thief in the night brings home the necessity for careful watchfulness and staying alert to avert the danger of plunder and loss of livelhood (all that we need to sustain us now and in the future). The thief comes uninvited, especially under the cover of darkness and secrecy! While no thief would announce his intention in advance, nor the time when he would strike, lack of vigilance invites serious loss for those who have not kept their home and treasure secure at all times! The intruder strikes when he is least expected!

Don't lose the treasure of God's kingdom

What kind of treasure does the Lord Jesus expect us to vigilantly guard and protect in this present life? It is the treasure of his kingdom and the gifts and graces he has won for us - the gift of salvation purchased by the blood of Christ who died for us on the cross to free us from slavery to sin and Satan, and the gift of abundant new life which Christ won for us through his resurection victory over death, and the gift of the Holy Spirit who comes to live in us and empower us with supernatural faith, hope, and love that endure forever. The Father and the Son come to dwell in us through the gift of the Holy Spirit who makes his home with us. But we can lose the treasure and gifts of God if we do not guard our hearts and minds and hold to the truth of God's word and live according to his wise precepts, teaching, and just laws. Whose voice and counsel do you trust and follow?

Satan comes like a thief in the night to rob us of our faith and to draw us away from God's will for our lives. Satan works in the "world" (that society of men and women who are opposed to God and his commandments) and with our own "flesh" (those sinful inclinations within us that tempt us to do what is wrong and evil). And Satan wispers to us false promises to make us believe that we can find happiness and joy apart from God and his will for us.

The prophet Jeremiah reminds us that our hearts apart from God are easily deceived (Jeremiah 17:9). How easily we put off for another day what God requires of us today - to walk humbly, repent sincerely, forgive quickly, and to trust in his merciful love and grace at all times. God offers us his mercy and abundant grace (his divine presence, power, and wise counsel) to turn away from sin, deception, and disobedience. But we must not presume that we can put off for another day what must be done today.

The Lord Jesus reminds us that the "Day of the Lord" will come unexpectedly like a thief in the night. Will we be ready to receive the Lord when he comes to speak to us today, and when he ushers us to stand before his throne and meet him face-to-face to hear his final verdict on the Day of Judgment. Which verdict do you wish to hear? In Matthew's Gospel account, Jesus opens the curtain of the heavenly court room and gives a glimpse of his verdict on that day:

34 Then the King will say to those at his right hand, `Come, O blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; 35 for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36 I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.' ...41 Then he will say to those at his left hand, `Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels; 42 for I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.' - Matthew 25:34-36, 41-43

The Lord rewards those who are faithful and wise

Jesus ends his teaching on watchfulness and vigilance with another parable about a master and his servants (Matthew 24:.45-49). The storyline is similar. There is an element of surprise - the master suddenly returns home unexpectedly, probably from a long journey. He rewards one servant for his faithful loyalty and devoted service to his master. He has performed his service dutifully and has done all that the master required of him.

He punishes the other servant who was disloyal, disobedient, and acted shamefully. This servant was not only irresponsible - he was frequently absent from his work and misused his master's money for personal gain by throwing lavish parties (eating and drinking) for his friends. The disloyal servant also abused his fellow workers with physical force and violence - probably to make them do the work he was supposed to do for his master. When the master returns and discovers the unfaithful servant who has wasted his master's goods and mistreated his fellow servants, the master gives him what he deserves. He dismisses him from his service and throws him out of his house - and sends him to the worst of possible places - a prison of no return where there is nothing but torment and misery. Should we be surprised to see the master acting with such swift judgment? The master rewards his faithful servants with honor, blessing, and promotion in his service, and he gives to his disobedient and unfaithful servants the just punishment they deserve - the loss of honor, privilege, and joy of sharing in the master's good friendship forever.

Are you ready to meet the Lord?

The Lord Jesus calls us to be vigilant in watching for his return and to be ready to meet him when he calls us to himself. The Lord gives us his Holy Spirit so that we may have the wisdom, strength, and help we need to turn away from own sin and to embrace God's way of love, justice, and holiness. The Lord's warning of judgment causes dismay for those who are unprepared, but it brings joyful hope to those who eagerly wait for his return in glory. God's judgment is good news for those who are ready to meet him face to face when he returns. Their reward is God himself, the source of all truth, beauty, goodness, love and everlasting life. Are you ready to receive his grace and help today to walk in faithfulness and obedience, trust and hope, steadfast love and mercy?

"Lord Jesus, you have captured my heart for you. Make me strong in faith, steadfast in hope, and generous in love that I may seek to please you in all things and bring you glory. May I always be watchful and ready to answer when you draw near."

The following reflection is from One Bread, One Body courtesy of Presentation Ministries © 2020.

NOW IS THE TIME (SEE 2 COR 6:2)

“My Master is taking His time about coming.” —Luke 12:45

Each day is the time when Christ comes. Jesus teaches that instead of trying to know the time of His return or our death, we are to live each day, and indeed each moment, as though the Master could return. If we strive to live like that, we will be “confident and unafraid” (Is 12:2; see also Eph 3:12). The Lord is here — present at every Mass in the Holy Eucharist, present in His Word, His people, His creation. He is Emmanuel, God-with-us (Mt 1:23). When we serve the least of His people, Jesus has made it clear we are serving Him (Mt 25:40, 45).

“Why delay, then?” (Acts 22:16). Serve Jesus now. Live for Him now. Today, this moment, “turn now ten times the more to seek Him” (Bar 4:28).

Yes, the Lord expects much. Yet He gives even more. Jesus said that to whom much has been given, much will be expected (Lk 12:48). The fruit Jesus expects from us flows through us because of the Holy Spirit living in us (see Gal 5:22). His burden is light and His yoke is easy (Mt 11:30). So, “seek to serve Him constantly” (Ps 105:4). “Now is the time!”

Prayer:  Father, I trust in the Holy Spirit’s ability to make me Your faithful and willing instrument more than I trust in my own weaknesses. Fill me with the Holy Spirit right now.

Promise:  “In Christ and through faith in Him we can speak freely to God, drawing near Him with confidence.” —Eph 3:12

Praise:  Carson doesn’t search high and low for a person to minister to. He believes God wants him to converse with the person by his side. It is an excellent opportunity to be Jesus to the world. “Maranatha! Come Lord Jesus.”

Reference:  (This teaching was submitted by a member of our editorial team.) (For a related teaching on Job Performance for Jesus, order, view or download our leaflet on our website.)

Rescript:  "In accord with the Code of Canon Law, I hereby grant the Nihil Obstat for One Bread, One Body covering the period from October 1, 2020 through November 30, 2020. Most Reverend Joseph R. Binzer, Auxiliary Bishop, Vicar General, Archdiocese of Cincinnati, Cincinnati, Ohio February 25, 2020"

The Nihil Obstat ("Permission to Publish") is a declaration that a book or pamphlet is considered to be free of doctrinal or moral error. It is not implied that those who have granted the Nihil Obstat agree with the contents, opinions, or statements

[unfreethinker]

Jeremiah 30:17

It was a fine Tuesday morning June 3rd, I started the day with a regular meeting with the team until I suddenly felt a massive pain in my left ear. It was hard to breath but I thought it was nothing and continue with my work. The pain lasted until the afternoon but came back in the next morning. Same pain. But that time, longer than before. I could feel the pain whole day even at night. I took aspirin but it didn’t help. I kept changing my sleeping positions, getting up, sitting down, nothing worked. I have never experienced this kind of pain before. The backside of my left ear was burning hot, my left face was in pain, touching it was a no no. My neck was stiff and I had massive migraine. I cried but it just made it worse. I couldn’t sleep. 

Day 3. I started the day still with the pain and migraine. But I just couldn’t take it anymore so I asked my sister to make a doctor appointment. The doctor’s schedule is 5-7.30PM so I had to wait and continue with my work. In the afternoon I lied down as sitting for couple of hours was too painful. I managed to take an hour nap. I was so worried as I had no idea what was the problem with my ear. All I know was, it hurted like hell and I could die anytime. I used to think that ear pain was a childhood disease. I was wrong. I needed help.

My body temperature was 38 degree when I arrived at the hospital. The security guy was hesitant but still let me in, so I proceeded with the registration. My sister and a good friend who were also there told me that my left face was a bit swollen and asked me to ask the doctor later. By that time, all I needed was doctor’s help. The nurse checked my body temperature once again and and it was 38.2 degree, she had to ask for a (I assume) senior nurse’s approval, or else I’d be treated in an isolated room kind of thing. It was understandable during this pandemic season.”You tend to have fever when you have problem with ears, so it’s ok, you may proceed with her. The doctor is ready”. Phew! Thank God! 

“How is it, Melvi?” was her first question. 

 “Well obviously not good, doc” (and obviously a self talking lol) 

I didn’t explain much and she started right away with her examination. She started with checking my ear and neck. IT HURTED SO MUCH! I accidentally warded off her hand from my ear and she took a step back out of shock (sorry, doc!). I saw her put the otoscope inside my left ear, and checked in the screen in front of me. The gel on top of the magnifying lens gave a cold sensation in my ear, but hurted so much. My outer ear was fine,but the middle and inner was swollen and red. She checked my neck and shoulder “Doesn’t seem like you have 38 degree fever tho”, and even asked the nurse to check it once again. She then said “ You are not coughing, no problem with tooth, seems like there is only mild infection. The long term used of earphone could be the reason. As you can see, there is swelling in the blood vessel, a small one, nothing to worry. Try not to use earphone in your left ear. Eat soft foods to avoid too much motion in the ear”. She continued the examination by asking me questions, how did it start, if I felt any hearing loss, problem with balancing my body/ movements etc. It was a quick session and she gave prescription contains antibiotic and other meds. I asked her for a strong pain reliever because I haven’t slept for 2 consecutive nights. We left the hospital with a heart full of hope that the medicine will work.

We prayed together with my sister that night for my recovery and I took the medicine given by the doctor “Lord, please let me sleep tonight. Please heal me”. I slept before 12 and woke up before 8! Praise the Lord! I took medical leave that day so I continued to sleep for another one hour. I woke feeling fresh, even though the pain was still there. I barely talked. Every move I made gave me pain in my ear. I sat still almost all the time. The medication was for 3 days, and I decided to go to the hospital again to check. That time, it has been a week since I had this sickness. 

Second meeting with the doctor, she checked my eardrum, outer and inner canal (if I remember it correct) with the otoscope. This time she examined my mouth and throat. All clear. The swelling in the ear is gone, but it was still red-ish. This time she said “It was a viral infection. Virus could come from anywhere, influenza, cough, or anywhere else”. Another prescription was given to me, but with lower dossis. “This should be fine. You will be recovered soon”. “Amen to that”, said me. We ended up talking about my work abroad in the Philippines, the foods, culture, tourist attraction and so many things. I forgot how did we start talking about all of those stuffs but I felt relieve, she is nice doctor. She never limited the time, and always answer all of my questions. I appreciate two ways communication. She even shared her mobile number, in case I have questions. I can see that she took responsibility of her patient.  

Same with my third meeting. I was satisfied with her service, even though  the waiting time for the insurance confirmation took forever lol.

14 days passed but there were times that the pain came back for a short period of time. I was still worried as I hoped for a full recovery after taken all off the medications. I decided to record the time every time I felt the pain; 4 days in a week. I went to see the doctor and this time, the swelling is 90% gone! She mentioned that it’s called referred otalgia. I learned that Otalgia is actually an ear-related pain; primary otalgia, when the pain originates from the ear itself and referred otalgia, when the cause of pain originates outside the ear. She has checked my ear, mouth and nose; all fine and healthy, the last possibility is referred otalgia. I asked for whatever radiology I could take, and she made a request/reference letter for a panoramic radiology, only if I still feel any pain in the next 2 weeks.  

It’s July 2nd when I wrote this blog. I feel no pain for more than a week now! I am beyond happy and grateful. I can talk freely, I can use my headphone, I can eat whatever I want, I can laugh! 

“But I restore you to health and heal your wounds” Jeremiah 30:17.

I would like to express my gratitude to dr. Asterina Suhardi, Sp. THT-KL for extending God’s blessing to heal me. 

[heyitssharpie]

How it happened-from what I remember

Way back in middle school, about the 8th grade, I had a very shocking realization. I was attracted to my best friend. My best friend was a girl. My best friend was dating someone else. So I pushed it back down and kept going with my life, just pretending that it was a weird fluke. Everyone likes their best friend a little too much once, right? So fast forward to sophomore year of high school. At this point, I can’t deny the feeling anymore, I really really like my friend. She’s finally single!  I want to date her, but first I have to tell her. So after about two weeks of talking to my friends and getting up the nerve, I finally find the courage to tell her. And just my luck, the day I try to find her and tell her, she has something to tell me about too. So we finally find a quiet spot that is away from everyone else, and she tells me about how she is dating someone new. I think I felt my heart shrivel up a little that day but I acted like a good friend would. I gave her sound advice and continued on. I figured if I couldn’t date the one girl I really wanted to be with, why go through the hassle of telling my family that I like girls, I’ll just keep dating boys.She was the only one worth going through the emotional trauma that would result from explaining that to them so why bother. Boys are a safe bet, right? So I go on dating boys for a while and around come junior year. I join the softball team at my school and she just so happens to be on the team as well. Bad idea. She’s still dating someone else and being this close feels like sticking my hand on a flame. It hurts so bad but I enjoy the warmth. But whatever, I’m still getting to spend good quality time with my best friend, I had missed her company. So I remind myself that I am a good, supportive friend and good friends do not put their friends in bad situations and once again, I throw myself into boys and try not to acknowledge the bright red thorn in my side that is her girlfriend. I’ll be happy for them, that’s what good friends do,right? Well along the way of being happy for them and being supportive and giving good unbiased advice, I fucked up. One day in senior year, her and I decided to go smoke during our lunch break and in my very high state, I told her that if there was a girl I’d consider being with, it was her. It didn’t settle in that I had basically just admitted to the her that I liked her until I got back to school. What a way to blow a high. I resolved to pretend that it never happened and continue on being the good loyal best friend. She probably didn’t even remember it, right? Wrong. Oh so very wrong. Moving on, it is now time for our senior trip and despite not being in the same room, we sat together on the bus to Disney world. That trip was when it changed for me. A little backstory, at this point in time, her and I haven’t really hung out in years the way we used to when we were younger but she is still my best and closest friend.  We haven’t spent any time with each other outside of softball and school in a very long time.  So that trip was a great way to spend some time with my friend, and what better place to do it in than the most magical place on earth. So on the bus rides, being that charter buses are very small, we spent a good amount of time laying on each other and I spent a good amount of time trying to remind myself that she was with someone else and trying to keep myself in check. In the parks, there are hundreds of people milling about and walking in different directions, so the safest thing to do is to hold hands while you walk. So to her that’s what was going on. For me, the first time she grabbed my hand I thought I was going to faint. I had to look around and remind myself of where we were and what was going on before I could pull myself back together. No one seemed to notice my little crisis or conscience. By the end of that first night in Orlando and after many more times of noticing just how perfectly her hand fit in mine, I decided to just let myself feel the things I was feeling. If she wasn’t noticing and neither was anyone else,then why not. It’s not like it’s going to change anything when we get back home so I may as well allow myself to enjoy this feeling with her now. I’ll never get the chance to have this with her. So during this trip, I felt myself falling more and more and while I knew it was dangerous to fall for someone who I would never get a chance with and who didn’t even know I was attracted to them, I let it happen. It was incredibly wrong of me, but it happened. Her and I talked a lot about her relationship and it seemed to be ending. I did what I could to give her good advice and not let any of my feelings influence the things I was telling her. I pushed myself to the back burner and though about what would make her happy while still hoping just a little that maybe, just maybe this could be over. Not because, I was wanting to be in a relationship with her, because I could see the toll the relationship had taken on my friend and I didn’t like the person she was becoming. She was always so vibrant! Outgoing, and said what she wanted without a care in the world for who heard it. When she came in a room she had a presence that drew eyes whether she was speaking or not. That was just her. Everyone wanted to be around her. But while she was with FireCrotch, she lost her spark. No longer  was she the bright star that I could always pick out in a crowd. No longer was she outgoing and fun. She watched what she said. We didn’t hang out anymore. It was a bad time. And I wanted my friend back. So I tried my best to give her objective points while pointing out the flaws in her arguments and pointing out the flaws in FireCrotch, but alas, she decided to stay with her. Once again my heart took a blow. But you can’t be heartbroken by someone who doesn’t even know you care, right? That’s what I told myself at least. The trip went on and i gained better control over the way I was feeling, I would not ruin things for her or risk our friendship just because I couldn’t reign myself in. She wasn’t interested, that was that. Then came the ride home. She was pretty sleepy and oddly very warm so she took off her shirt and cuddled up in my lap with one arm around my waist and the other under my thigh. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck. I had worked so hard to keep myself neutral and avoid saying or doing anything to give any indication that I was majorly attracted to her and it was all about to go to shit. So while I can keep my hands to myself, and try to control my thoughts, it seemed that i couldn’t control much else if you catch my drift. Fast forward through the most uncomfortable ride ever. She has now left for college and I have just gone through a terrible break up. I’m talking full blown sent-me-into-a-panic-attack break up. I had really cared about that boy. Lost my virginity to him and everything. He was the only guy I really connected with after realizing that I was attracted to girls. It just didn’t work out. lack of communication combined with doubts and feelings of abandonment. He stopped texting. Stopped calling. Where it once took a minute to respond to a message, it became hours. He was hanging out with people he didn’t want me to know about. It hurt but i got through it and I resolved to have as much fun as I could at the new school I was going to. I was finally gonna live life the way I wanted to. I made some pretty rad new friends, all boys, we’ll call them Kiko, Jason, and Jeremiah and I hung out with them a lot. Jeremiah took it upon himself to hook me up with Kiko being that he looked a lot like a boy I had mentioned wanting to hook up with (I was still denying my attraction to girls). So that started and I kept it platonic. Then came a weekend that I was coming home and coincidentally, my best friend was also going to come home so we planned to hang out at her house. Her and FireCrotch had broken up shortly before that. So I pick her up from another of our mutual friends’ house and on the way to her house we talk about her recent split and how it changed her. And somewhere along the way she mentions that we have never been single at the same time. And that sparks conversation a little more, I  can’t remember exactly what was said but there were some suggestive remarks on my part because at this point in my life, I’m like fuck it, I’m gonna do what I want. And I had already agreed to stay over at her place. One thing leads to another and we have sex that night. I’m pretty sure that night is burned into my brain forever, I don’t think I’ve ever been as nervous and excited at the same time before. I get back to school and I pretty much think I’ve dreamt the whole thing. I waited for so long for something to happen between us and finally it did? I had to ask her to make sure it had in fact happened. And that was the start of the most beautiful thing to have ever happened to me. It’s been the greatest.

Shitty writing here but I wanted to put it down somewhere.

[things-that-make-sa-happy]

Jeremiah Fisher | tsitp 1.03