#The Soapbox

[gracegrove]

Whether you're talking about a fictional character (Billy) or an actual person...

How can you say, "I don't think his abusive, racist, misogynistic behavior would have improved with time--because he didn't see it as a problem. You have to want to change."

How did you know he didn't want to change? Why are you so damn certain he's incapable of change? He's literally only 18 and has the rest of his entire life to change. You think he's honestly gonna sit there and be like, "nah this is fine. I'm set. I like everything just the way it is." And never once contemplate or attempt a change.

Every person attempts change on some level. Not everyone makes big ground shaking changes. Not everyone gets to a point that is satisfactory to others. That's not the point.

When you are around real people and/or work with real people and use this language guess what happens? It makes them feel incapable. It feels undermining. It helps solidify and corner them into a box they may not want to necessarily stay or be in.

I've worked with clients with records. Clients who've said outright sexist and bigoted things in front of me and at times directed towards me. But I continued to work with them. Guess why? Because if I were to leave in that instance, I'd only be proving a point. A single point. That again there's this giant narrative of "no one believes in you", "you clearly don't want help", "you're irredeemable", etc.

You don't kick someone when they're already down and then say, "gosh well, you don't even wanna get back up do you? You have to really want it?" Why should they want it or try harder when they're expecting more people like you to kick them right back to the floor again. Google "labeling theory", it might be helpful.

There's an therapeutic approach called Motivational Interviewing, and its main tenant is that change is facilitated by and comes from the client alone. It helps a client who is already well aware of people around them telling them to change, or societal expectations, or maybe more simply they have considered personally making changes themselves whether it's something like smoking cessation, substance use /harm reduction, emotional management, or wanting to make other behavioral changes but they haven't because they're not sure what such a change would mean or look like in their lives. So they sit on the fence. They become ambivalent.

The only job the therapist has in this is to help the client lay all this out. To discuss it and weigh each side. To examine what making changes or no changes would mean. Ultimately the goal is to help the client reach a state of active change. So that the client can begin new parts of their life and continue moving forward. But if someone isn't ready, then they're not and that's also ok.

If you immediately shut down on a fictional character because their story wasn't insightful enough for you to glean any empathy that they were capable of change, how do you or will you tolerate the overall change process that real people have? Because it's an arduous one. It takes time, it doesn't sprout up overnight. And half of it is because those people themselves were repeatedly told that they couldn't change either.

So stop contributing to the ambivalence or the stagnancy and start contributing to the change.

[boombaux]

[ladyoftheharbour]

can we please please please learn to differentiate between things that are good but devalued because of their association with women (caring for children, being compassionate), things that are neutral but seen negatively because of their association with women (the colour pink, having long hair), and things that are bad but associated with women because of misogyny (being materialistic, being stupid) because otherwise we’re gonna keep getting takes like “being gender nonconforming is anti feminist” and “not studying for your classes is feminist”

[seachick]

I am begging everyone who has ever bemoaned about Hollywood only making sequels and IP movies to go see Sinners in theaters. It has the creative team behind Black Panther working on it and their talent shines through in the cinematography, music, costuming, EVERYTHING. It's a completely original screenplay written by Ryan Coogler and if you want to support original movies, go see it in theaters.

[ryn-city]

Upholding Luigi Mangione as a class hero isn't actually helping anything; not because killing the ceo was wrong (it wasn't) but because the man still maintains his innocence. You're doing no better than the cops and fraction of the public against the shooter's actions by treating Mangione as if he's unequivocally guilty.

Redirect your energy to fighting the police's bullshit prosecution and blatant public defamation of his image. Stop supporting him on the grounds of heroic actions. Support him on the grounds of there's still literally no proof he actually fucking did anything.

[grungekitty-77]

Not that anybody asked, but I think it's important to understand how shame and guilt actually work before you try to use it for good.

It's a necessary emotion. There are reasons we have it. It makes everything so. much. worse. when you use it wrong.

Shame and guilt are DE-motivators. They are meant to stop behavior, not promote it. You cannot, ever, in any meaningful way, guilt someone into doing good. You can only shame them into not doing bad.

Let's say you're a parent and your kid is having issues.

Swearing in class? Shame could work. You want them to stop it. Keep it in proportion*, and it might help. *(KEEP IT IN PROPORTION!!!)

Not doing their homework? NO! STOP! NO NOT DO THAT! EVER! EVER! EVER! You want them to start to do their homework. Shaming them will have to opposite effect! You have demotivated them! They will double down on NOT doing it. Not because they are being oppositional, but because that's what shame does!

You can't guilt people into building better habits, being more successful, or getting more involved. That requires encouragement. You need to motivate for that stuff!

If you want it in a simple phrase:

You can shame someone out of being a bad person, but you can't shame them into being a good person.

[soapkid]

non furries are so annoying about the semantics of calling something a furry. "erm wouldnt that be like.. a feathery???" its an avian and its still a furry. ok yes you can call the slug a slimy thats funny. but these are all fursonas. unless theyre not. i hope this hurts you

[featuresofinterest]

god i hope the cpsc takes the shot. i think this would dramatically change their entire business model. amazon makes so much money by selling defective or mislabeled or just plain dangerous products and then faces little liability because this stuff is actually being sold by random third-party sellers that don't get vetted at all and can be hard to prosecute because they're in china or wherever. this is a big part of what makes amazon so powerful and it would be good for everyone if they were forced to bear more responsibility for the damages caused by the crap available on their website

[bluegiragi]

just for fun, i thought i'd redraw an old soapbox comic to see how much i've improved! you can read the original from 2 years ago here.

early access + nsfw on patreon soapbox masterpost (scroll to bottom)

[gracegrove]

There is a monumental difference between holding a head canon, preference, or interpretation of a character's behaviors/mannerisms/mental health/trauma history on a personal level (while leaving room and space for others to enjoy their own and other characters as well)...

Vs.

Insisting only your said interpretations are correct about the character in question while at the same time dragging down another character and maligning them with the same mental health interpretations you don't want your character to have.

Displacing perceived unwanted characteristics, mental health diagnoses, or traumas onto another character perpetuates an oppressive mentality. A narrative of "I'm not mentally ill/broken/wrong/diseases/etc... Because if I was I would look like John. No one wants to be like John." It classes and categorizes people into groups or even castes of who is acceptable or palatable to the community and who is not.

You could be St. Thomas Aquinas and struggle with psychosis, it doesn't make you better or even less than Tommy Two Shoes who only has ADHD and difficulties with math and reading.

Don't hold up one mental health status, recognize that another is demonized/marginalized, but then simply say "well this is why my blorbo and I aren't marginalized, so *phew* thank God to that amiright?"

If you want to hold space for these interpretations of mental health and trauma, make room and realize that there's always going to be someone whose views don't match yours. It isn't about making sure you're "at least I'm not that guy". It's not about being more important or better. It's not about being "right".

[aspharah]

hey bro can we like adopt paralleling themes and symbolize opposites but in a two sides of the same coin kind of way? it doesn’t have to be weird. wait what do you mean thats gay

[lazylittledragon]

y'know every time i feel guilty about bothering someone by singing along when i'm listening to music, i just remember that i have to tolerate my dirtbag brother screaming at his ps5 for hours every day so listening to muffled off-key fall out boy is probably preferable

[ladyoftheharbour]

i think a lot of people especially young women fixate on the idea of wanting to get married and have a wedding less bc of the actual marriage and more bc of the big party where they wear a pretty dress and everyone pays attention to them. and i don't say that in a judgmental way, i think it's very human to want attention and to have everyone think you're pretty and say nice things to you. i unironically think the divorce rate would go down if there was something like a quincanera for adults where you wear a nice outfit and everyone pays attention to you and then there's food and alcohol and dancing. like if people could just do that without also signing a legal contract binding them to another person.

[milfsisyphus]

EARNEST POSTING. while everyone is still working on new year’s resolutions i want to make sure everyone knows about the FREE serial reader app.

if you are trying to read more classics/public domain works but for whatever reason struggle with incorporating reading into your daily life, or you’re just intimidated by huge books, serial reader is a great tool to make reading more approachable. it works much like dracula daily in that it sends you one excerpt at a time (usually about 10-15 minutes of estimated reading time). awesome for commutes, lunch breaks, quick bedtime story, etc.

it’s very customizable. you can change fonts, themes, and you can even take notes and highlight. you can also sync with other reading apps like goodreads (no storygraph yet……. we can hope!). the base app is completely free, but there is a one-time optional upgrade fee of $2.99 USD if you want some extra features. this is all developed by one guy, so the money goes to supporting the creator - although i’m sure apple takes their cut 😑.

there are a ton of works to choose from, currently something like 800+.

you can now also add your own .epubs to break up your own books into daily serials! very cool, serial reader!

this was the best app i added last year so i just want to pass it on. happy reading! :)

[transhulklings]

My body is a machine that turns artistic inspiration into merrical drawings

Find me… elsewhere

[faultfalha]

The wise man knows that knowledge is power, and through knowledge one can achieve things that some might deem impossible. Eric Adams is a man of great ambition, determined to unlock the hidden secrets to gaining financial freedom. His approach is novel and his cause is noble, but only time will tell if his path leads to success. With his ideas, he stirs up both hope and concern amongst his peers. He has been seen as both a leader and a threat, but one thing is clear - he is transforming the game, and no one knows what the outcome will be.