#The amount of pictures there are of these two acting not exactly heterosexually is more than I thought there would be

[graysanatimony]

Kris and Nace time

[yellowocaballero]

Man. I just realized Felix marrying annette means his father-in-law is Gilbert... Picturing Felix and Annette commiserating over their shitty dads that put faerghus's ideals of chivalry and honor over actually being good dads to their kids lmao

Oh, it is absolutely one of the foundations of their relationship. I think bonding over mediocre parents could happen between almost any two random FE3H characters. Every parent in FE3H manages to traumatize their child somehow. It's staggering.

I think the basis of Felix and Annette's relationship is how they challenge each other. Annette and Mercie offer each other unconditional support and cheerleading, but Annette and Felix hold each other to a high standard of behavior. Annette believes that Felix is a good person, so she expects him to act like a good person, and when he doesn't act like a good person she Is Disappointed In Him TM. I think Felix tells her to get over herself, that the world isn't carried on her back, and that she doesn't have to set herself on fire to keep others warm. He curbs her people-pleasing habits and she curbs his people-aggressing habits. They're a very good counterbalance for each other and their relationship is really stable. Felix and Sylvain are the Sword of Damocles that cut through each other's bullshit and walls, and they understand each other in ways that Annette and Mercie can't, but I don't think a monogamous relationship between them would be as rock solid as Felix and Annette.

But absolutely, a very dominant shared priority between them is not wanting to replicate their own parental relationships. They'll do anything to put their kids first. I may have cut the exact paragraph where I state this, but Felix is canonically the best parent out of the entire group. He's relaxed but challenging; unconditionally accepting but firm in setting boundaries. He sees each kid exactly for who they are and pushes them to be the best possible version of themselves.

The Lions have absolutely all bonded over having shitty parents. It's the bedrock of their found family. I think that this desperation to be different from their parents means that they swing really hard into being the exact opposite of their parents, which actually just creates an entirely different set of problems.

I also straight up think that Sylvain shouldn't have been a father and he did not particularly want children - and kids can fucking tell that shit. Felix, Annette, Mercie, and Sylvain didn't necessarily WANT to Pair Up Heterosexually, but they had to. Ashe was not very parented and doesn't see the big deal in being gone all the time; Ingrid had no expectations put on herself to succeed so she places those expectations on her own kids. Dedue holds himself at an emotional distance from Felipe, which is the opposite of what he needs; Mercie is perfect. Dimitri's parents died too young for him to hate them, and he's also very neurotic and projects a LOT, and as a result he can come down way too hard on his own kids. Byleth read books on the importance of being maternal and her displays of being maternal are scientific. Both Dimitri and Byleth really casually hold their kids to an astronomically high standard. Dimitri will also always be someone with unmedicated schizoaffective/bipolar/PTSD and it will inevitably make his presence as a parent somewhat unstable. Derrick is there.

That said, they've all put in a tremendous amount of energy and effort to be good parents and be present in their children's lives. They care and they try. Which is more important than all the rest.

Weekenders was such a weird deconstruction/reconstruction of found family that I ended up thinking a lot about the kinds of adults the BL would grow up to be and the affects of the insane generational trauma that's undoubtedly happening. There's so much parental trauma you have to wonder what kind of parents that would create. And you have to look at the ripple effects of Byleth's Insanity TM. Whenever I think too hard about something fic inevitably happens lmfao. Thanks for reading!

[simplyghoulery]

Is my first actual post on this page gonna be about a niche, criminally underrated performance of A midsummer night's dream? Yes. Is no one gonna know what I'm talking about? Yes. Is anyone gonna actually read it? Idk. Maybe some poor soul will stumble across it and wonder why tf someone would take time outta their day to write an essay no one will read. But at least I'll get it out of my system, that is the main goal after all.

Let me explain to you exactly how gay Puck is.

The performance in question features so much sexual tension between Puck and Oberon I was in literal shock the first time I stumbled across it. There is no heterosexual explanation and I will stand by that till this world has returned me to the tender ground beneath my feet.

This is his introduction.

The chaotic man fae is singing his heart out while Oberon is patiently putting up with his drama.

Besides Puck already being characterised by his hypersexual, chaotic nature I think it's worth noting how this in and of itself does not mean much more than that, but context just makes everything make sense, especially when the context is gay.

This is him, taken by surprise by one of Titania's closest servants, Mal. She confronts him, wanting to know who he is and to confirm her suspicion she says (translated literally by me):

"But those who call you Puck, and give you other beautiful names, those you help with good fortune in everything."

And he replies, "Oh you are so right."

This line really sets the tone for who Puck is as a person and the suggestive performance really brings it all full circle. This exchange also lays the foundation in Puck's relationship to Oberon. Oberon is one of those people who calls him by his name, and Puck is the one who grants him fortune by doing his bidding. But why???

Because Puck not only respects Oberon, but is also emotionally dependent on him.

This is the first interaction we have between them.

This is also the first interaction between them.

They really can't seem to keep their hands to themselves. There's such a wonderfully feral energy between them. In the last picture, Puck has rejected the request of getting the love flower for Oberon and Oberon, with a seemingly normal amount of pleading, dives between his legs and snakes himself around him to convince him to do this favour for him. THIS IS THEIR EVERY INTERRACTION BTW- the whole first half of the play is them just acting sexually erratic.

Like there's the bike scene.

In the pictures above, Puck is picking out the love flower Oberon asked him to get, which he has stuck in the front of his pants. And Oberon isn't phased at all. They are lewd and jesting with each other. Their level of casual intimacy (lewd jokes, constant touching, often in a sensual way, and just general physical closeness) isn't really seen anywhere except between the explicit couples in the play.

If anyone is reading this and the thought crosses your mind "puh this is nothing, the sexual inuendo is just another part of his charactization, it doesn't have to suggest anything about his sexuality."

I hear you, but this is not the end of it. We haven't even gotten to the best part.

The woman in these frames is Titania.

First frame: Titania is entering the stage, her own sidekick Mal (mentioned above) has gone out of frame, BUT as she enters, Puck lurks at the edge of the screen, at some point reluctantly turning away as these two magical power houses start to interract with one another. But he's there, almost like a reminder. But of what?

Second frame: Following the previous frame, as Titania and Oberon bicker, she moves onto her monologue about the dire consequences of their conflict (ie. nature is killing itself and famine etc etc.) and in the middle of her speech, PUCK SNORTS. This dude has the audacity to disrupt the fae queen herself. I cannot stress the fact that this was a deliberate decision by someone. BUT WHY???

Third frame: There are several moments (above being the glaringly obvious one) when Oberon is talking about Titania and his plans to get his wife back and Puck is just hovering in the background. WHY??? His bi ass can't stay away.

His everlasting presence in this married couple's relationship is so palatable, you keep wondering why?

This scene is when Oberon is berating him for messing things up and Puck says (again directly translated by me):

"They would have it too easy if everyone was suddenly loving the right person."

Which, in my honest opinion, just sounds like projection. Like if his relationship to Oberon is interpreted as being analogous to a toxic queer relationship he is literally in a relationship with a married man who doesn't intend to commit and is instead continuing to leading him on.

And following this scene is this:

Look at this sad puppy face. He really is coming to terms with the fact that he messed up big time and Oberon is so pissed. Like their relationships is based on a mutual sense of humour but this time, Oberon is not having his continued fuck ups. He needs to fix this. This is his most somber moment in the whole play.

And after he puts his forehead to the man's shoulder, asking for one last chance, Oberon turns to him and gives him the antidote. But day is drawing near and they realise they don't have much time. Puck, freaked out, urges for them to "return to the worms." But Oberon is not having it, he needs to go get the boy and fulfill his plan tonight. He starts to walk away. Puck, however, is torn and panics, letting out a scream of anguish, he drops to his knees, crying.

He cries about the shame of having to flee the light. And Oberon, holding him in his arms, tells him: "But we are spirits of a different kind. The blush of dawn is my friend."

And then he does the one thing that made me lose it the first time I watched it.

To comfort Puck, Oberon makes a low rumbling in his throat. Whether or not it's some sort of magic at play is really up to interpretation. Whatever is actually happening is most likely not brainwashing. Because Puck, after this acts characteristically like himself and let's be honest it would just kinda deminish any meaning behind anything happening if Oberon could just brainwash people to do what he want. Rather: Oberon is either using magic to calm him, or this throat rumbling is just a non-magical (and lets be honest, kinda intimate) way for him to calm someone in distress. More evidence for this not being magical is the fact that he has previously USED IT WITH HIS WIFE.

Y'KNOW, THE FAE SPIRIT QUEEN.

Look at these parallels. He is using the same method for calming his "friend" as he is with Titania, his actual wife. And I genuinely believe this gives Puck hope. Hope for commitment. Hope that after all this, he might still have a chance. But then...

Look how he holds him back, tries to peel him away from Titania. How he keeps reaching for Oberon even when Oberon is pulling away. How his hand stays in the air as he is left behind.

"King of shadows, it is time, the lark is sounding, the day draws near."

He doesn't want him to go west with Titania. He wants him to stay. He wants them to return to the shadows together.

But then, despite his efforts, Oberon and Titania leave, and he is left to clean up the rest of his mess all by himself. He looks so somber as he gestures helplessly to the humans behind him. Aren't you gonna care? I did everything you asked.

And he's so sad. Quietly, and with a noticable venom in his voice, he breaks the remainder of the spell and leaves, walking of the stage, towards the light.

The ending just sends me everytime. That's supposed to be a heterosexual??? That is how you act when you've helped your totally only friend manipulate their partner to get them back together?? A plan which you btw agreed to help with from the beginning?? It's so fishy I can literally feel the scales piercing my eyehole.

You didn't see this coming? You didn't want him to leave you? Oh you just wanted to crawl back into the ground and snuggle with the worms together? Totally makes sense. Yes. Absolutely.

_____

tldr: evidence suggest Puck was queer coded af, being in a toxic relationship with Oberon, in this one criminally underrated swedish theatre production from the 80s and I just went on an unhinged rant about it to not lose my mind.

[hopefullystillatheatrestudent]

this might be a weird thought but the way jensen performs masculinity (and i KNOW it’s a performance cause like, have you SEEN the mockumentary?) is just.... so inherently queer to me lmao

ok. okokokokokok. you asked for this. i have a LOT of thoughts on this. it’s gonna be under a cut because i’m gonna be annoying and psychoanalyse a celebrity i’ve never met(and hope i never do) but trust and believe when i tell you i know what i’m talking about so

you want my opinion? here goes. there is absolutely no way jensen ackles is straight. i hear you, ‘how do you know that he’s bi? that’s invasive and creepy’ but may i counter that point by saying how do you know he’s straight???? why is the default for everyone heterosexual? that’s a toxic mentality to have; ‘oh you don’t know for sure so just treat him like he’s 100% straight just in case’ like....what? heteronormativity drives me wild i’m sorry

and also, um, just to, um, prove my point that this man is decidedly not straight™(i really don’t want to do this but like it has to be said) we KNOW he’s not straight because his d*ck has spoken for itself around misha, like, four times. I HATE SAYING IT!!!!!!! but, um, straight men don’t get aroused by men. ...do i really need to explain myself further???? that’s what i thought(and don’t give me the ‘it could have been for unrelated reasons’ or ‘that wasn’t a boner!’ crap because um good lord yes it was and misha caused every single one so no it wasn’t a coincidence i’m gonna move on before i collapse into myself like a dying star)

anyway, on to the topic at hand which is jensen and his performative masculinity. and it’s a juicy one.

after the unconscious amount of hours i’ve put into watching and subconsciously judging jackles, i have come to the conclusion that like, 90% of how he presents himself and talks and even moves is an act. it’s a facade. it’s a shield. he is not that person. it actually seems exhausting, because he tries to compose himself in this macho, manly, confident and effortlessly cool way, but he’s not that person he desperately wishes he was and wants to be perceived as. he’s on guard every second, even the slightest tilt of his head is like, pre-meditated in some way? if i’m going FULL body language analyst mode, i’ve noticed he has a certain posture he always shifts himself into, and it’s very ‘pursed lips, stoic faced, gruff voiced, square-shoulder, broad and manly’ but, not to be rude jensen, it kind of reads as a little kid imitating the adults he thinks are cool? oof i am going IN huh(it’s out of love though i promise)

he is trying to be this person at every second:

because that’s who he wishes he was, because that’s how he gets validation from the people around him that he looks up to; straight white guys. but to me, who he presents himself to be at conventions is just as much of a performance as this whole eye of the tiger bit is.

oh i should mention i know his body language isn’t naturally like that because how he naturally carries himself is actually pretty flamboyant? like he seriously must be toning himself down HARD

examples:

there’s no tension in his body here as opposed to the eye of the tiger gif. i’d describe it as...generally loose and free? he’s at ease when he moves like that and you can see it.

oh and dude!!! DUDE!!!! how could i not mention the fucking SPECTACLE that is his voice??? jensen. i watched season one. i know where your voice naturally sits. THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU SOUND LIKE. and there have been so many accounts of fans visiting jensen in his trailer and being surprised that his real voice is two octaves higher. again, his performance of masculinity is all encompassing. he can’t even talk normally because, in his mind, that’s a chink in his armour.

and, like you said, anon, this whole smokes-and-mirrors gong show of ‘i am the cool texan man’ is inherently queer. who are you trying to impress??? guys??? that’s pretty gay dude.(btw: gay[honorary])

i feel like i’ve already read this man for filth but i have to keep going bc i have so much to say

ok next thing i’m gonna talk about is how jensen says one thing but everything else about him tells us the exact opposite. another HUGE element of performative masculinity, ONE THAT DEAN WINCHESTER IS A MASTER OF. have i mentioned how dean and jensen are like mirrors of each other when it comes to their sexuality and queer identity??? because it is fascinating how everything i say about jensen also directly applies to dean.

allow me to introduce the grumpy face™. as in, the face he glues on when he’s enjoying doing something but doesn’t want to let anyone know it. and it’s ALWAYS when he’s doing something that could be seen as unmanly in any way. (and when i say manly i mean the ‘ideal’ version of manhood that doesn’t really exist but that jensen seems to be striving for[and dean too])

prime example is this video he did with daneel. the grumpy face™ doesn’t budge the whole time as he’s like,,,,playing an instrument and acting like he doesn’t want to bc i guess that’s too girly??? but i also find this video fascinating because the joke IN it is kind of that they’re both poking fun at him for being so insecure about playing a freaking flute. because, i mean, he gets into it, but he wants you to think he is not.

also this picture.

what is this. i hate them. jensen is smushing himself into misha’s forehead but noooo his face is telling us ‘i hate this’ because CLEARLY he does. also misha’s so happy ew gross

he does that face in photo ops with misha ALL THE TIME but how many times has he also literally asked the con goers if he can also have those photos on his phone too? because of course he actually loves touching misha and is actually a sentimental fool but he tries so hard to hide it and fails so spectacularly.

oh and this. and of COURSE this. actually let’s talk about the hitch kiss for a hot minute because it’s a perfect example of exactly what i’m talking about

(he is so transparent guys. he tries so hard but he’s so obvious.)

1. misha was never supposed to be onstage with him. so it’s a boldface LIE and OBVIOUS PLOY TO GET MISHA TO KISS HIM when he says ‘they’d like us to make out now’. but of course the way he says it is ‘oh my god can you believe what these crazy panel people are making us do haha but i mean what they say goes amirite’. same energy as ‘oh my god did you just dare us to kiss rn???’ ‘....no i didn’t’ ‘oh my god i can’t believe you’d ask that haha but i can’t say no to a dare lol’ it’s the SAME THING

2. the fact that he was in the worst mood before misha came onstage and FAKE KISSING HIM made him feel...SO?? much better? like not just a little better a lot better like, again, that says a lot, because if they weren’t dating he would not be in a better mood if misha kissed his cheek unprompted. bc that cheek kiss wasn’t a joke it was a genuine sign of affection and AHHHH

3. after the kiss happens. you know, the one that jensen actively leans into and is smiling like an idiot the whole time through and is quite clearly having the time of his life during....he says ‘well, that was uncomfortable’. .......my guy. um. i don’t know how to tell you that i do in fact have eyes and you are NOT pulling the fast one you think you are

like i’m so sorry jensen but i have you pegged. it’s literally no use.

god there’s so many instances of him doing this with misha specifically. the whole ‘ew gross lol’ but then everything about him tells us the exact opposite. like this(i hate this. how dare he say ‘he has though, hasn’t he?’ LIKE THAT?????)

so yeah my point with that is he really wants us to think he is one thing when he is the antithesis of what he’s trying to be. he really likes those things that he talks down about, and everything he’s loudly projecting is all to hide how he really feels. he went to a gay bar with daneel, for crying out loud. he wants to play a role in drag. he’s queer and he likes it. pov: you’re jensen ackles train of thought: ‘ok so i really like this thing that people might make fun of me for or call me gay for liking so if i just say ‘lol as if’ and make a grossed-out face they will be FOOLED. i am a genius. hey misha wanna blow on my ear lol i meAN GROSS EW’

i have two more things i want to talk about when it comes to this topic so PLEASE bear with me anon this is why you took so long to answer clearly lmao

ok so we’re now going to go over my favorite hot take of all time. which is ‘how do we know dean’s performing masculinity? because sam isn’t.’ only replace dean with jensen and sam with jared and oh my god do we ever have a case

jared is as STRAIGHT as they come. he is secure in that knowledge. and that’s why he is perfectly comfortable treating misha like this:

and not try to scream ‘i am not enjoying doing this!!!!!!’ at us. because he doesn’t care what we think of his sexuality like jensen does(because he has nothing to hide whereas jensen DOES)

something i found the other day that no one has brought up but i SCREAMED upon finding it is this one clip THAT I CAN’T FIND OH GOD but i promise i’m not making it up. i can’t believe i can’t find it guys it is gold. i need need NEED to talk about it. and if anyone knows what i’m referencing and can apply links in any way i will love you forever but here’s what happens off the top of my head:

ok so i’m a bit too braindead to explain it perfectly but um basically it’s a j2 panel and someone brings up magic mike and i think jared says ‘yeah i didn’t watch it’ and then jensen says ‘all the way through’. stupid joke. whatever. the joke is that jared is gay for watching magic mike.

and then i literally kid you not. jared gets this like ‘jesus christ ok dude? lol’ look on his face and then goes ‘projecting much, mr. ackles?’ and jensen gets a guilty look on his face and walks away. and jared did not say it as a joke. he was being dead pan and earnest. and jensen knew it too, he knew he was projecting. i wish i could show you guys the clip i promise if i ever find it i’ll link it but IS THAT NOT SO DAMNING FOR JENSEN????? like come ON. also proves my point that when you compare how they feel about watching magic mike. jared doesn’t care bc watching it just doesn’t interest him, but he also thinks that just watching it in itself doesn’t make you gay. jensen however.......has a different mindset, clearly.

‘projecting much, mr. ackles?’ is actually a great title for my next and FINAL section(we’re almost there folks) which is how jensen projects his insecurites about his own sexuality and relationship with misha onto misha.

i hope by now we’ve all seen this video of jensen impersonating cas. it is a blatant microaggression on his part. and like obviously homophobic. it’s like in his mind if he makes fun of them for being gay it makes them both less gay somehow??? it’s self-deprecation in a way??? let’s just tell it like it is: that impression was just jensen’s overt internalized homophobia rearing it’s ugly head. he does it a LOT too when it comes to misha.

i mean:

and that whole mess where he’s making fun of misha for being a bottom in their panel in 2016? ‘so you’re saying, like with football terms, there’s a handler and there’s a receiver heheheehe’ jensen you’re not exempt from being gay just because you know football terms lmao

oh and his OTHER impression of misha where he mocks him for...bicycling...because it’s not a manly enough sport??? jensen NO ONE else has ever thought this hard in their lives about what constitutes as masculine enough to be a sport before. that’s all you bud. we don’t find those jokes nearly as funny as you do. you are reaching, sir

the good news is that misha thinks it’s hilarious and knows it’s projecting on jensen’s part and will tease him endlessly for it. many stories come to mind, like that one photo op story where they’re literally dressed in rainbow banners and pride stickers but when misha goes to hold his hand jensen said something like ‘no way’ and then misha stepped back, put his hands on his hips and went ‘that’s the part that’s too gay for you???’ and jensen LOST it

or when that whole underwear thing happened(messy messY MESSY BTW) and then a fan asked a question about what dean and cas would do in rome and misha just said ‘when in rome’ and jensen makes a face like ‘are you serious’ and then misha says ‘you can’t look at me like that anymore, because of what you did!!!!!!’

OH and that whole story about when misha suggested they put jensen in the closet for that cat video....yeah um

and then when jensen was asked to do bisexual finger guns for a photo op and the con goer said ‘he looks bisexual here’ and misha literally said ‘oh he definitely looks bisexual here. i would say he’s actually closer to the gay side of the spectrum’ so..um...make with that as you will

OH MY GOD i’m finally done. wow. WOW. that was a lot. i hope i’ve blown your minds. ty anon i really wanted to talk about this and i hope you’re happy with the outcome!!!!!!

[css1992]

Guilty Pleasure

Summary:  Peter and Beck used to be a power couple in the porn industry, but after Beck dumps him, Peter is forced to start over. With no money, no family and nowhere to go, he doesn’t have much choice other than to keep doing porn, so he joins Just4Fans to get back on his feet and then one day he gets a very generous tip from someone under the username of YKWIM. All the warnings listed on Part I apply. 

Read on AO3

Part I / Part II / Part III / Part IV / Part V /  Part VI /  Part VII /  Part VIII / Part IX / Part X /  Part XI / Epilogue

-x-

Living with Ned and MJ was both a dream come true and a bit of a nightmare.

A dream, because when they were kids, they always talked about how they would all go the same college and live together one day, and Peter would finally have a real home – and a real family, he used to think to himself,  in secret.

A nightmare, because he couldn’t help but feel a little jealous of his friends, and that was the worst kind of feeling to have for the people who opened their arms and their home for him when he needed the most. Still, he couldn’t avoid it and he felt awful for that. They were both attending NYU; Ned was majoring in Computer Science and MJ in Journalism. All according to the plans they made in high school.

When Peter was younger, he made plans, too. He wanted to study Biochemistry, his teachers used to say he could probably get a scholarship to a good college, he was smart enough. Mr. Harrington, his science teacher, even offered to write letters of recommendation for him. Instead, Peter’s life choices led him to his current predicament: a 20 year-old porn actor, selling dirty pictures for a living, crashing on his friends’ couch, not a single dollar in his wallet.

He was definitely not getting any awards for good decision making, that was for sure.

He had been staying with Ned and MJ for a week when he was finally able to set up his Just4Fans account. He knew that had to be a temporary thing, it couldn’t last, even if he wanted it to. He wouldn’t be young forever, let alone a “pretty twink”, as his subscribers loved to call him. He had maybe three or four years left of that hype, at most, then he would be too old for that, and/or people would start getting bored of him. So he had to be smart, the plan was to save up as much as he could while he thought about what he was going to do once the fountain of youth dried up, and the clock was ticking fast.

But for the time being, porn.

Good thing he had his own Instagram account with a few thousand followers. All the other social media accounts were under Beck’s name, and those had hundreds of thousands of followers, but Peter no longer had access to them – he checked. He also checked and noticed that Beck hadn’t announced that they had split up yet, his last post dated from five days earlier, when he released their last video together – two days after kicking him out of the house, the asshole.

So Peter posted a few Instagram stories explaining to his followers that he and Beck weren’t a thing anymore – he didn’t give many details, he didn’t want any drama, specially not with Beck – and that he had set up a Just4Fans account for the time being. In minutes, his Instagram blew up. Apparently, people were either heartbroken over their breakup; relieved he “got rid of that perv!”; or devastated they wouldn’t get to see them doing porn together anymore.

He got a hundred subscribers in just a few hours, which was incredible. The subscription fee was ten dollars a month, so even after the website’s cut plus tax deduction, it still was a good start. He wondered what kind of money Beck made with their videos, because they had thousands of subscribers on their channel.

Once he got the hang of the site, he tried to post at least two sets of pictures a day – which was challenging at that moment, because the apartment was tiny and he didn’t have any outfits or toys with him, they were all at Beck’s. He made plans that as soon as he got the subscription money in around fifteen days, he would try to buy a few things and take tons of pictures to last a few weeks.  

He also made sure to answer people’s messages every single day, which often earned him a little more money in tips. It was shocking how many people were willing to tip him just because he answered them. Some other people asked for extra content, like specific pictures, videos or even voice notes, which he sent via “pay-per-view messages”.

In the end, he felt like he was prostituting himself. Again.

He would never judge a person for earning their living in any way necessary, as long as it didn’t hurt anyone, he just never thought that would be him. Never ever. As a kid, he thought he’d be an astronaut. Growing up, he wanted to be a physicist. As a teen, he made plans to study Biochemistry. And somehow he ended up selling his body online, one way or another.

He didn’t dwell on that for long, he focused on the fact that it was temporary. If he managed to retain at least some of the people that had subscribed to his account for two or three years, then he would be able to start a small business of some kind in the future. Maybe he could go back to school. Twenty-three wasn’t too old for college, right?

Right.

It was two weeks later when he got a weird message. Not a weird message, actually, a weird tip. Someone under the username of YKWIM had sent him ten thousand dollars for no reason, there was no prior conversation, nor did the person ask for anything in return. Peter was sure there must have been a mistake, maybe they had typed in some extra zeros or maybe they had sent it to the wrong person, so he decided to reach out.

“Hey. I think there must’ve been some sort of mistake with your last tip. Lol.”

He left his phone on the counter and got started on dinner. He was a terrible cook, but to be fair, they all were, so it was fine. Ned and MJ were both at work, but they would be home soon and they were having a quiet night in. Those few weeks at their place had been good for Peter, it felt nice not to be alone after what happened, but at the same time, he was starting to feel like he really needed his own space. He was already looking for an apartment to move into as soon as he got the money. He was hoping to get one in the same building or at least close by, so that they could still see each other often.

His cell phone beeped as he sliced some onions and he stopped to check.

“Hey, gorgeous. There’s been no mistake, it’s correct.” Peter was taken aback by the answer, so he checked again to see how much the person had tipped him, and sure enough, there it was. Ten thousand dollars. Ten thousand. American dollars.

“Oh. Wow, that was very, very generous of you. Is there any particular content that you’d like to see from me as a thank you? I could send you exclusive pics and videos, whatever you want.” Inwardly, he was thinking that no amount of pictures or videos from him would ever be worth ten thousand dollars. Ten thousand dollars, holy fuck.

“That would be excellent.”

“Great. What would you like to see?”

Please don’t be weird, please don’t be weird, please don’t be weird… Usually, Peter’s subscribers liked to see him in cute outfits or with cute toys, but some people liked very messed up stuff. He usually said no, but that person had just sent him ten thousand dollars. Fuck, that was so much money, it would cover rent for at least a few months.

“I’ve enjoyed everything you’ve put out so far, baby, so surprise me. I’m sure I’m gonna like whatever you send.”

God, generous and reasonable? Had Peter died and gone to porn heaven?

“You flatter me.” He typed in quickly, leaving the sauce unattended for a few seconds. “Give me a few hours to work on it, I don’t want to disappoint you.”

“Take your time, but I don’t think you could disappoint me if you tried.”

Peter felt so stupid when he blushed and giggled to himself, because that was exactly how Beck lured him in when he was seventeen, with charming, easy words. He was an adult now, for Christ’s sake, and he didn’t even know who he was talking to. To be fair, it was probably a woman. For some weird reason, according to his Just4Fans statistics, a surprisingly large percentage of his subscribers were middle-aged, cisgender, heterosexual women. Peter supposed those were the ones who used to follow his “love story” with Beck – most of them hadn’t got over them yet, apparently they were “the perfect couple! So cute!”.

He couldn’t blame them, they sold them the perfect love story. And for a time, it was true. Peter really thought Beck was it for him, the love of his life, his soulmate. He didn’t know at which point it all became an act to Beck – or if maybe it had always been an act.

He sighed, shaking his head, he couldn’t afford to waste time thinking about him, so he focused on what he should send YKWIM.

As he finished making dinner, he tried to come up with ideas. They said they loved everything Peter had posted so far – he had posted thirty pictures and five short clips over the past two weeks. The pictures were all in MJ’s bedroom – she offered –, most of them in her bed. There were only a few pictures in which he was completely naked, in the others he had some sort of underwear on –  lingerie or tight briefs.

So, he decided he should do something similar, but different enough that YKWIM would feel somewhat special. He had a few good ideas, but they would have to wait for the next morning, he would need good lighting and privacy.

“Hey, nerd, what’s up,” He almost burned his fingers when he heard MJ’s voice, and realized he had spaced out for a minute there. He shook his head quickly and smiled at her.

“Nothing, how was you day?”

The next morning, once Ned went to visit his family and MJ left for work, Peter started working on the pictures. For some reason, he didn’t want to tell his friends about YKWIM, just like he didn’t want to tell them about Beck when they first met, three years earlier. And if he really was as smart as his teachers used to say, he would have seen the pattern. But as it was, he just focused on the fact that YKWIM was probably a woman living on the other side of the world, who just liked to get off to pictures of pretty boys in lingerie.

But.

For the sake of getting in the mood for the pictures, he imagined YKWIM was a guy. Not too tall, but taller than him. He imagined he had a beard, but not a full one, like Beck’s, no, perfectly trimmed, scratchy, in a good way. He’d have dark, warm eyes, not blue and cold. He’d be older, older than Beck, more mature than him. A real man. Maybe he’d have a few streaks of gray amidst his otherwise dark hair.  

He’d be gentle, despite Peter’s past. He’d treat him like he was the first one to ever touch him, even if he knew that was far from the truth. He would be careful, mindful of his pleasure. He’d start off slowly, kissing along his collarbones, fingers brushing the sensitive skin on the inside of his thighs, just shy of where Peter wanted him to touch, as his mouth traveled down his chest; hot, moist breath leaving a trail of kisses down his stomach.

He sighed. Yeah, that would do to put him in the mood.

He put on a white t-shirt that was just long enough to graze the tops of his thighs, and a simple, plain black thong. He decided to take the pictures in the shower – the classic wet, white t-shirt, he couldn’t really go wrong with that. He positioned the camera on top of the bathroom sink, set the timer, and started posing.

First, he rested his back against the wall, one hand pulling the t-shirt down to cover the front his underwear, eyes staring directly at the camera lens as water ran down his face, neck and chest, making his nipples stiffen, becoming visible under the wet shirt.  

Next, he pressed his chest to the wall, looking at the camera from over his shoulder, lips parted, just a peek of his exposed ass cheeks showing where the t-shirt ended, but by then it was so wet it was mostly see-through.

Then he turned so his side was facing the camera and stuck his head directly under the stream of water, running his hands through his hair, back arched obscenely, eyes closed. He let his hands travel all the way down his neck, chest, and stomach, hearing the familiar “click” as the camera took several pictures.

He turned around again, placed his hands on the wall and lifted his t-shirt just over his lower back, sticking his ass out, showing off his provocative underwear.

He got out of the shower and turned the camera into filming mode, then got back under the water and also shot a short clip of he sensually and slowly taking the thong off, but in a way that the viewer couldn’t really see the skin that was revealed. He pulled the wet t-shirt down so it covered everything, but by then it was so see-through that it left nothing to the imagination. Peter twirled a little, then threw an innocent, shy smile at the camera.

That should do it.

He finished his shower, put the wet clothes in the washer, then went to edit the pictures. He didn’t do much, just adjusted the light and contrast, then cut them into squares, because he though it looked classier or whatever. He chuckled to himself at the absurdity of that thought, as he attached the photos and the video to a direct message to YKWIM.

“Hey, gorgeous! Hopefully these won’t disappoint. Let me know if you’d like something different.”

He cringed re-reading the message, he thought he sounded desperate and insecure about himself and he supposed that wasn’t very attractive, so he decided to change it just a little.

“Hey, gorgeous! Hopefully these won’t disappoint.” And he finished off with a hot face emoji, because why not.

He sent the message and went on with his day. Ned and MJ were both back for lunch and since none of them felt like cooking – and they all sucked at it anyway –, they ordered something to eat in front of the TV, as they binge-watched the first seasons of The Office.

“Oh, hey, Pete, I almost forgot, I talked to our landlord earlier and he said there’s an apartment on the fifth floor that should be vacated by the end of the month, if you’re interested,” Ned told him around a mouthful of pizza and Peter’s head snapped up.

“I’m definitely interested!”

“Cool, I’ll talk to him for you, I’m sure I can get you a good deal on rent.” He winked, and Peter smiled, feeling hopeful.

Things were getting better. Slowly, yes, but they were. He was spending time with his friends – who he had neglected for the past two years–; he had a good amount of money to withdraw in the next few days, that could get him going for a while; he was still doing porn, yes, but at least he was in control of the whole thing, including his own body, which was nice; and he only cried for Beck every other night instead of every single night, so he had that going for him.

All in all, things were looking up.

Ned and MJ convinced him to go out for a bit in the afternoon, they said he had been cooped up in the apartment for three weeks and should breathe in some fresh air, and since it was the first somewhat warm day of March, they decided to go jog at Central Park in the afternoon. They didn’t really jog, but they walked around some and Peter must admit that it felt good to stretch his legs and feel the sun on his skin for a change.

They were lying on the grass, resting for a bit, when they saw a blur of red and gold fly overhead. People started cheering and clapping and Peter smiled when MJ groaned, because he knew exactly what she was going to say.

“How can people cheer for that guy, he’s an egocentric, misogynistic, elitist, disgusting asshole.”  He laughed to himself, because he knew what came next.

“He’s a genius, he changed the world multiple times and he even saved it at least twice. I think he’s pretty cool,” Ned argued without any heat and Peter could hear MJ rolling her eyes.

Peter didn’t love or hate Tony Stark or Iron Man, like most people, he just – didn’t pay him any mind. Sure, when he was a kid, he was obsessed with him, he was New York’s first superhero after  Captain America, who was still in the ice when Stark announced he was Iron Man. But as he grew older, he had other concerns in mind other than who was the coolest Avenger, so he kind of forgot they existed, except for when there was some crazy alien threat looming over New York City – which was, like, a biannual thing since they found out aliens existed back in 2012.

The fact that Iron Man was flying over Central Park on a Saturday afternoon was a little alarming though. From what Peter knew, Stark was mostly retired since around 2016, he only ever “avenged” when there was a big threat, like the near-end-of-the-world they had back in 2018.

“Do you think we’re under attack?” Peter asked and Ned shook his head calmly.

“Nah, I think he must be late for something. I read an interview recently and he said he uses the suit sometimes when he needs to get some place fast.”

Seemed like overkill, but who was Peter to judge, he would probably do the same if had a suit like that.

They spent the rest of the afternoon in the park and then headed home for the night. MJ turned in early, she said she was beat from a busy week, and Peter and Ned stayed up until a little later, re-watching Star Wars movies. It was close to 2AM when Ned said his goodnight and Peter went to check his Just4Fans, because he hadn’t answered any messages all day long.

There were quite a few, but he did notice there was one missing. YKWIM hadn’t answered him yet and Peter immediately felt like a failure. They probably hated the pictures, they must have thought “ugh, ten thousand dollars for that?”. Peter should have photoshopped them. He could have made himself look at least a little bit better, if only–

Before he could hate on himself too much, YKWIM messaged him, like they could read minds. Peter quickly opened their chat, still a little worried about their reaction to the pictures.

“Damn, baby! You have no fucking idea what those did to me. Fuck! Can I show you? Please?”

Peter was oddly relieved to read that, and was endeared by the fact that they actually asked before sending a dick pic. Or a clit pic? Was that a thing?

“Of course, gorgeous, I’d love to see it.”

Within seconds, they sent a video in the chat. Peter was a little surprised by that, but pressed play anyway, and almost fell off the couch when he did.

It was a thirteen seconds video. He could see the man’s midriff, all the way down to the tops of his thighs. His belly was toned and spattered with dark hair that led down to perfectly trimmed pubes that framed the most beautiful cock Peter had ever seen. There was no other way to put it.

It was long and thick, but not so much so that it would hurt – Peter knew better –, it stood proudly between his thighs, attached to a heavy set of balls that made his mouth water. He was jacking it mercilessly, Peter could only hear him grunting quietly before his balls recoiled and he came, covering his stomach in thick, pearly white come. Peter whimpered, pressing down on his hard-on, and almost cried when the video was over.

“Fuck, daddy, that was so fucking hot.” It was probably the first time ever that he actually meant that answering a DM from a subscriber.

“That was the third time today, baby, I have been thinking about those pics from the minute you sent them. Spent the whole day with blue balls, even after coming twice.”

Fuck.

“Wish I could have helped you with that.”

“Who knows, honey, maybe someday.”

Yeah, Peter thought, biting his pillow on the couch so he wouldn’t be heard when he came embarrassingly hard in his pajamas pants, face burning with shame. Maybe someday.

[royalpains-roleplay]

Initiate Program Females - Unavailable

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Character quote: ❝Turned her tears to diamonds in her crown.❞

✗ — Name: Ivy Caballero. ✗ — Age: 21. ✗ — Kingdom: Spain. ✗ — Sexuality: Heterosexual.

— Personality; Ivy was never known to be the sweet child, and it was probably because of the neglecting nature of her parents. She was just about left alone to look after herself and ended up being responsible for her own raising. She didn’t have the same compassionate nature as her sister, but had a devious and manipulate side, one that was even notable as a child. She may not have been as bad with Kyle, but she still had a dark side, one that led her to be incredibly dishonest, disloyal and hateful. Ivy is very cocky, narcissistic, bitchy and also incredibly quick witted and sarcastic. She can be somewhat superficial, but does have a few things that run deeper than her exterior.

— Biography; Ivy and Cora were never equals. Not in the eyes of her parents, of the Kingdom’s, even of the other royals. She was never considered, never put in the spotlight. She was always on the back burner, nobody had faith in the fact she might make a good Queen. She was neglected, yelled at, constantly told she would never accomplish anything by her parents. Magazines frequented bad press about her to make her sister look good. Compared her sister, she wasn’t as outgoing, had a devious and manipulative side even as a child. Her parents already were sure they had their golden child, and so the attention always fell on Cora. It left Ivy to her own devices, forced to raise herself. At some point, something good happened, and she met Kyle. She ended up with him. He believed her to be better, for once she’d been chosen. But his faith that she could be great only made her hide her more devious side and try to cover who she was. The only real thing that brought out her kinder side was Eliza, her childhood friend who’d grown up in the Spanish castle with Ivy. She was the only one who treated Cora and Ivy equally, sometimes Ivy even a bit better. Even though she cared for Kyle, she still ended up betraying their relationship. The pressure of being who he thought she was became too much for her. And she cheated on him. With his brother Dylan. And she ended up becoming pregnant from it. Of course, she pretended it was Kyle’s, though a short few months in, she lost the baby. This dried up her last bit of soft side. While she still was fond of Eliza, no one else, she even broke up with Kyle. It was always the quick witted, cocky, bitchy remarks from her. She broke off everything with Kyle’s as brother as well. When her sister grew ill, and it became apparent she may become Queen, she was sent to Royal Pains to learn some grace and manners she just wasn’t taught because of her parent’s favoritism.

✗ Secret; Ivy was never pregnant with Kyle's kid, but with his brother.

「 Faceclaim: Nina Dobrev. 」

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Character quote: ❝Do you ever wonder what your life looks like through someone else’s eyes?❞

✗ — Name: Lena Marek. ✗ — Age: 19. ✗ — Kingdom: Poland. ✗ — Sexuality: Heterosexual.

— Personality; Most of the time Lena is a lovely person and wouldn’t harm a fly. She can be shy at times, but tries her hardest to break out of her comfort zone to make people feel welcomed. A certain air of elegance follows Lena around, and she tries to break away from it when she’s around others her ages. Sometimes she just wants to be a normal teenage and have fun but she’s always worried to disappoint those around her and knows that her parents would never approve of her having any form of fun if it didn’t fit into their idea of ‘the perfect daughter.’ Lena is capable of so much but often limits herself because she’s too afraid of judgement. During her blackouts, Lena is often known to act the complete opposite of how she usually is and can sometimes turn rather violent if she feels threatened. However, once she’s aware of her surroundings, she forgets about what she’s done and it angers her because she knows that she has done something.

— Biography; The pressure was almost always on Lena from her parents. They wanted her to be the picture of perfection. The power had been in their family’s hands through nearly every year that the monarchy had been established, and they had every intention of keeping the power within their family. However, there was a problem. A daughter of the Slyvinsky family, around the same age as Lena threatened their power. She had all the charm and love from the people. Whereas for Lena, no matter how hard she tried, how much effort she put into being perfect, things never seemed to come quite so easily to her. Her mother and father were always quick to judge Lena over any little mistake she ever made, and it was almost torturous. It was in her teens when Lena began to experience strange happenings. Chucks of her memory would go missing and she couldn’t understand why or what was happening. She was more then aware that she was doing something, various people had seen her in the time space she couldn’t remember. At first she thought it was just a one-time thing, but when it continued to happen Lena started to become concerned, especially when she was told she had been doing things very out of character. Lena had no choice but to tell her parents and once they were informed, they didn’t hesitate to send her away to get some help. They didn’t want to tarnish their perfect reputation. When Lena returned months later, her parents were hoisting the Laiton family. They were the current ruling royals and had decided to visit Poland since her mother got on well with the American queen. However, her parents were very judgemental when it came to the Laiton’s adopted son. He wasn’t as regal as they had hoped and forbid Lena from talking to him unless it was absolutely necessary. Not wanting to anger her parents, she did her best to keep away from Caine but it was hard when all he did was peak her interest. Just when Lena thought her black outs were a thing of the past, she started to realise that something was seriously wrong with her when a few months ago when two men attempted to rob her. One of her blackouts began to happen when two men attempted to rob her while she walked through town. However, before she could seriously harm one of them, Caine Laiton came to her aid. He managed to scare the men off and soothed Lena until she came back round. From that moment on Lena only trusted Caine and after he went back to America with his parents, she would often phone him after one of her blackouts and he would calm her down. She was doing well to keep her blackouts a secret from her parents but one night at dinner she had one and with no control of her own, she hit one of the guards serving them their food. Her father was furious and immediately packed her bags, telling Lena that she was to stay at royal pains until she could manage her blackouts but she’s not sure that can be done.

✗ Secret; Lena has temporary blackouts which affects her recollection of her time and memory, while she is aware she is doing things during these blackouts she doesn’t know what.

「 Faceclaim: Lili Reinhart 」

— Admin L.

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Character quote: ❝I’m tired of being careful, gentle, trying to keep the water warm, let me under your skin.❞

✗ — Name: Ariella Vierira. ✗ — Age: 21. ✗ — Kingdom: Brazil. ✗ — Sexuality: Bisexual.

— Personality; Ariella is exactly what you’d expect royalty to be. She’s the picture of elegance, grace and poise, knowing exactly what manners to use. She’s confident, outgoing, charming and has a natural sort of way that draws people in. For the longest time, she was also cold, manipulative, and even cruel. She would use her power to do horrible things, to party and bully others. She thought it was simply the way most royals were and remained mostly influenced by that. She got a wake-up call when her life changed. Her father’s death and her mother’s marriage to a commoner ended up being what drove her to change. She became humbler, down to earth and less spoiled. She often will try to still freeze out some emotions out of fear for the unknown feelings, but she’s more compassionate, friendly and open now. She’s done her best to become someone trustworthy.

— Biography; Ariella was the eldest daughter of the royalty in Brazil. They were one of the few families who’d married the other royal family of the country, so both had rights to the throne in Brazil. They were something of a power couple in Brazil. When Ariella was born, she was spoiled rotten by her father, and she never really knew well enough to second guess either of their behaviors or what they did. She always assumed they were good people, and the constant things she was showered with was enough to make her not see past it. She grew up to be completely entitled. She was a terror in school, to her little sister and the only person she ever truly would bow down to was her father. When she was sixteen, her father’s illegal dealings was exposed. He’d been funding multiple drug operations in Brazil, and had links to a nasty ring of criminals. There were all sorts of charges racked up. No amount of his money could get him out, and Ariella was left in complete confusion of what her life had been. She’d always assumed it was one thing when it turned out to be a complete other. She tried to stay loyal to her father, to be faithful to the family name. But more accusations painting him as a monster came forward, and she finally realized they were true. Only a few months later her father was murdered in prison, and while she had no blinders on to who he was, she cared about him still and mourned his death. It changed her, affected her in more ways than she was ready to admit. It wasn’t until her mother married the commoner that she decided to really make a change in her life. She started to work on becoming a better person, inspired by both her new step-father and by her growing attraction to her step-brother Quinn. She knew it was wrong, but seeing how good and moral he was, she too wanted to be like that. She wanted to be at least worthy of his love, even if she could never happened. She worked on turning her life around. It was hard, but she did her best. Shifting from the selfish, bullying, party girl to something kinder, better. It became too hard to resist Quinn, and they shared a night together. But after that he was distant, as if he was once more trying to separate from her. And then she found out he was going to Royal Pains. She tried to stay away, knowing it was better for them both. But only a few months after he left, she went to a party, purposely completely overdoing it so her mother had no choice but to send her away.

✗ Secret; Ariella has developed feelings for her step-brother Quinn.

「 Faceclaim: Camila Mendes. 」

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Character quote: ❝You're dripping like a saturated sunrise, you're spilling like an overflowing sink.❞

✗ — Name: Camila Delucia. ✗ — Age: 21. ✗ — Kingdom: Italy. ✗ — Sexuality: Heterosexual.

— Personality; Camila is very attuned with her emotional side. Unlike most people, she does her best to face her feelings, accept them at face value and try to understand and deal with them. Even though some feelings, like the question as to if she wanted to kill herself or not, triggers quite a bit of inner suffering. Sometimes she’s prone to suffer from random breakdowns, or even sudden random bouts of happiness or anger. She has a bad habit of overreacting and thinking the worse of a situation. It takes a lot to bring out her angry side, as she is simply a passive being. She believes in piece and gentle nature, of loving everyone for what they are and giving everything she can to be friendly and kind to all. Out of all things, Camila is one of the few people that could be trusted with someone’s life. She is known to be very trustworthy and keeps the secrets she’s asked to, respecting people’s privacy and personal lives.

— Biography; Camila's father had always been hard on her. He never really gave her a break even when she was little. She was always a decent student, but she never did extremely well or got top grades possible. This was what her father wanted from her, but the more he pushed, the less capable she became of giving him this. So this just meant he got harder he got on her, and it only diminished her confidence, which in turn made her drop far below average in academic ability and sports ability. Her mother, however, was the biggest influence and support in her life. Her mother was beautiful and gentle and kind. If Camila was ever upset or stressed, her mother would be the comfort in her life, her support and she was the only person in the world who made Camila feel as though she wasn't a complete failure. So, when Camila realised her mother had cancer, it devastated her. Her mother became very sick, very quick but rather than leaving her to deal with it alone, Camila refused to leave her mothers side. She slept in the same bed as her to make sure she was still there and when she died, Camila was the one there to hold her hand. It completely broke her heart witnessing her mothers death, but she refused to let her mother leave the world believing she as alone. Her father was to heart broken to witness the woman he loved grow weaker, but when she died, the King had no choice but to re marry so he could keep Italy together and his people satisfied. Camila's new step mother was cruel and blunt, so she didn't care about the girl's sadness over the death of her mother, she simply saw Camila’s mother as competition for the King’s affections, who clearly grieved for his wife. Between the harshness of her father, which had seemingly increased over the months since the death of Cam’s mother and the terrible nature of her step mother, Camila soon came to develop an eating disorder known as bulimia, one she hid well from others. She didn't want to be a problem to anyone, so she kept all of her negative feelings inside though she felt absolutely broken. One night, a few months after her mother's death Camila had a terrible head ache and took Advil to cure it. It was later revealed that she had taken far too much because she woke up in a hospital bed after her overdose. Her step mother was convinced that she tried to kill herself, and when the doctors confirmed that she was also struggling with bulimia, it only made it more believable to her father. Camila couldn't convince anyone that the overdose was an accident, so her father took away her rights to the throne and sent her to the Royal Pains house.

✗ Secret; She isn't sure if she took too many advil on purpose or on accident so she doesn't talk about it, despite the impending feeling's she kept inside about her dead mother.

「 Faceclaim: Selena Gomez. 」

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Character quote: ❝I will go to war in a red dress, trample your ashes in high heels, look for my lipstick stain on your collar when I lean forwards not to kiss you, but to whisper ‘I win’. ❞

✗ — Name: Calliope Arrilynn. ✗ — Age: 19. ✗ — Kingdom: Germany. ✗ — Sexuality: Bisexual.

— Personality; Calliope is damaged to say the least. After the woman who she’d been raised to think was her mother had tried to bring about her death twice, she’d learned to ice out most of her emotions and feelings towards other people to prevent anyone else from hurting her. The only true times she was ever known to show emotions was when she was really overwhelmed or when her parents were involved in a situation, as they were known to intimidate and scare her. Calliope always maintains a rather kept exterior, not a hair out of place. Even though she keeps this maintained way about her, often inside that’s where the real damage. Even if both emotionally and physically she seems stable she often relives the traumas of her life. She has deep seated trust issues that can only be born of a life of lies. Even with the icy walls put up she has rooted insecurities about not being good enough, which she hides by appearing to be shallow, vain and conceited. Calliope has a mischievous wild-side though and likes to get into trouble, something that’s grown stronger since she’s discovered she’s royalty. She doesn’t shy away from a good party, and is no stranger to charm, seduction and sex. Rarely, she’ll show her compassionate and kind side, but this is reserved to very few others. Mostly it takes a long time to crack into her rough exterior. Calliope can be controlling and neurotic, liking things planned to the very last detail. She’s manipulative, harsh, cold and cruel on many circumstances, and doesn’t shy away from being unkind to people. She’s very witty as well.

— Biography; Calliope had a complicated childhood. She was born in a hospital in Switzerland, one that was intended to specialize in particularly difficult births of wealthy families. Two families were there that day. One being a wealthy, but peasant born family, the Laity’s, and one being a family of royalty, one of the two main ruling families of Germany, the Arrilynn’s. They were due at the same time, in that same hospital. And while only one death happened, tragedy struck both families that day. Both the mother and child of the wealthy family were in critical condition so they had to operate immediately. The child, a daughter was on the very cusp of death. The royal family’s child was born in rough shape too, but not quite so bad. Both were moved to be held in intensive care however. The father of the small Laity child stayed in the hospital while the mother went back to America to try and get things ready for the baby’s transfer to the hospital there. It was there he witnessed the last few moments of his daughters life. He barely knew what he was doing, but he ended up switching the girl’s bracelets and tags on the incubators, as if the infant that had died was belonging to the Arrilynn’s. In a hurry, with tired overworked nurses, it worked. And sure enough, he took home the princess Calliope to his wife, and while the Arrilynn’s were crushed, the mother didn’t quite believe that the one who died was hers, not entirely. It was only when the autopsy came back and the blood type was wrong that they realized that somehow their daughter had been switched. Due to scrambles of files and the confusion of the nurses, nobody could find where their daughter could go. Calliope’s kidnapper, the man she called father, didn’t inform the woman played the role of her mother about what had happened and led her to believe Calliope was hers. And so she was raised by them. Things were okay for the first few years. Her mother always seemed to be distant, always having “headaches.” It was almost like she was avoiding Calliope. Her dad spoiled her though, taking as much care of her as he could in every way he could. Her mother became more abrasive and finally when Calliope eleven, her mother broke. She tried to kill her, stabbing her in the stomach, claiming that Calliope wasn’t hers. Calliope survived but not without a painful scarring that ran deeper than physically. Her mother was institutionalized and she was raised mostly by her father who took care of her. But he couldn’t undo the damage done. She had already begun hardening herself to the world. She made the conversion to a Queen Bee, school dominating type who partied and had fun, but also managed to seem like the perfect girl. When she was twenty, she was getting home late from a party only to find her father knocked out and her mother sitting in the living room. Once more, her life was attempted on and once more she barely made it out. The only miracle was that her mother fell after stabbing her and hit her head. During her surgery, they ran into problems because of her massive blood loss and discovered she couldn’t possibly be a child of the Laity’s after trying to type her father to donate. They found her DNA match while she was unconscious and recovering, only to find out that she was actually the Princess of Germany. When she woke up a week later after the event, she was in a hospital in Germany. The situation was explained to her by a police officer. She didn’t believe it, she couldn’t. But the DNA didn’t lie. Finally, she was forced to return to the house of the Arrilynn’s. She became Calliope Arrilynn, and she didn’t handle the transition well. Her mother, her real mother was even worse than her original mother, at least she’d had a cause. The woman was cold and harsh and had ridiculous expectations of Callie, constantly trying to sculpt her into what she believed the perfect royal to be. As for her father, he was creepy to say the least. Most times he almost reminded her of a man trying to woo a woman he was interested in. Callie rebelled but held onto her natural domineering attitude, while constantly trying to grapple for some control over her mother. That was when she found files explaining exactly why she’d ended up with the Arrilynn’s. It showed photos of her as early as sixteen, displaying that they did know she’d been out there the entire time. Upon more research and some manipulation, she found out the real reason for their bringing her back was because her mother could no longer get pregnant and they were desperate for an heir to the throne. They had no intention of making Callie this heir, but instead breeding Callie out to make one. She confronted her father first, as she figured he might break. That was when he made a move to bed her, telling her it was not unusual because he hadn’t raised her. She was disgusted, not having known the depths and lengths her parents had planned on going to with their breeding program they intended on. When a struggle ensued, Callie’s mother interrupted and had her briefly institutionalized in order to brainwash her. When she refused to give and broke out. Her mother thought the best place for her was the Royal Pains Estate.

✗ Secret; While the whole world knows of her being kidnapped, she often keeps the near murder attempts a secret as they are the root of a lot of her trauma. And even deeper than that, the true plans her birth parents had for her are something she buries deeper than anything, out of fear for what her mother will do.

「 Faceclaim: Madelaine Petsch. 」

» ; ♛ ❮CLOSED❯

Character quote: ❝ So hold me fast, hold me fast, 'cause I'm a hopeless wanderer. ❞

✗ — Name: Breanna Chadwick. ✗ — Age: 20. ✗ — Kingdom: Spain. ✗ — Sexuality: Heterosexual.

— Personality; Breanna has a very innocent based personality. She’s got a childlike innocence about her that allows her to see the world in a way that most others don’t get too. She is very adventurous and carefree, she likes to draw the best that she possibly can out of life, trying to make up from all that was taken from her. Breanna has a habit of coming off as blunt and sometimes even rude, although it’s only because she really doesn’t know the difference, simply because she was never taught otherwise. She has a high protective instinct and looks after the few friends she has. Breanna regrets the death of her family and wants to avenge them somehow. She gets very sensitive and secretive about her time in the woods and refrains to talk about it to those around her.

— Biography; Breanna was born to a very loving family, both of her parents were considered a good royal family and she was possibly going to be the up and coming queen. However, any hope of that was shattered when it became very apparent that the Caballero’s had a full intention of taking over the throne once again. Their daughter Cora was much loved by the public. In an attempt to strike out the competition, assassins in favour of Cora becoming queen killed Breanna’s parents when she was eight, leaving her stranded in the woods. She was forced to survive off the land for those years, leaving her somewhat underdeveloped. This didn’t entirely slow down her mental growth, however it did leave her somewhat behind in several things which really started to bother her as she grew older. When she was eighteen, she was finally found. The people of Spain thought she had died along with her parents, and her body had never been found, so when she was brought back to her kingdom it was a shock for everyone who loved the Caballero family. She was taught the ways of life by royal advisors who tried to treat her lack of upbringing in royal or even normal society, yet she remained blunt, somewhat innocent to the ways of the world and could sometimes be mistaken for rude for those who didn’t know her story because she didn't really know how to act around others any more. Ten years being completely alone really effected Breanna's way of life. It was astonishing to everyone who heard the story, that the girl had managed survived ten years in the woods, especially since she was just a little girl when it happened. She was retaught as much as she could be, encouraged to be a princess in the classic way but it didn’t seem to go as smoothly as everyone hoped. Breanna didn't feel like a princess; she was a free spirit and didn't want to do what everyone was telling her. Not long after, the people who spear-headed the tragedy in her life, better known as the plane crash, were arrested as the plot was revealed. No one had suspected the story to unfold the way it did. Breanna was supposed to have been the one to die that night, and her parents would live, and that was meant to erase all chance of another ruler taking over. The vice versa happened and Breanna was left to deal with the consequences. Though she couldn't hardly remember them, she felt guilt for her parents death and since it has been revealed they were supposed to live, she blames herself. Though she could still be in the running for the future ruler of Spain, she didn't have a very strong chance, with her lack of royal experience so, in order to strengthen her claim to the throne, she was put in a forced engagement and sent to Royal Pains.

✗ Secret; Because of the knowledge revealed to her regarding the plot of her parents, she believes she is the reason they were murdered and blames herself.

「 Faceclaim: Shelley Hennig. 」

» ; ♛ ❮CLOSED❯

Character quote: ❝Way down we go.❞

✗ — Name: Aerie Witta. ✗ — Age: 28. ✗ — Kingdom: England. ✗ — Sexuality: Bisexual.

— Personality; Aerie is unpredictable, reckless and free-spirited. She’s not the type to be controlled and backed into corners. Most of this has come from the fact her childhood itself was very tightly managed, and she had little to no freedom to do things. Aerie has a deep compassion for her siblings, but hates the parents who abandoned her. She has a temper that is a great deal like that of Christian’s, and often loses control on it, lashing out at the people around her. Though until one of her temper flares up close, it’s hard to even recognize in her because of how rational, reasonable and logical she is in making most decisions. She’s very independent, something she learned in a life where the only one who truly looked out for her was herself. She’s curious and relentless in that curiosity, always wanting to know everything about a situation. She is a very compassionate individual in many ways, but often hides the truth of this, so she doesn’t get hurt. Aerie still suffers nightmares and severe post-traumatic stress disorder from her childhood.

— Biography; Aerie was born into the royal Levinson family of England. At first, she was much loved by her two parents to a degree, as much as she could be loved. Though it was all too clear her mother was always the one who loved her more. Her life started to go right to Hell when she was four. Her family had gone to Ireland, to visit her father’s sister and Aerie’s Aunt. It had been a fun trip so far, she barely even noticed how her Aunt appeared to be stressed. During the evening, she had woken early from her bed and had sought out to find her father or mother. She hadn’t had much luck finding her mother, but sure enough she found her father. Only when she did, it was on top of her Aunt, assaulting her. She did not understand what it meant at the time, she didn’t know why her Aunt was crying or what her father was doing, but she never forgot, as this one event changed her entire life. At first it seemed almost normal, for the week after that; her father showered her in gifts, even though he was clearly strained and nervous. But he kept asking her if she remembered. When she mentioned she did each time, he asked, she did not know how much trouble it would bring. Four weeks after the incident, she awoke to screaming, only in time to watch one of her guards being murdered. She tried to hide away, but she couldn’t. The last thing she fully remembered was sharp pain in her stomach. When she awoke, she was in a hospital, but she was not in England. She wasn’t sure where she was, but they kept calling her a strange name. Finally, when a woman came to take her home it was all explained to some degree. Her father had wanted her gone, so he’d pretended she’d went away to some other place, when really she was there. Those were the terms she’d gotten. At first the woman tried to be nice, but as Aerie insisted on going back to her family, the woman made it clear that would not happen. Rules only got stricter as she grew, and though she took the new name, she could not reject her history and the scar on her side from where she’d been stabbed reflected the truth in her memories. The more she insisted on being free, or remembering, the harsher the woman raising her got. She was beaten and abused, rarely ever allowed to leave the house and when she was it was while she was watched. It wasn’t until she was in her twenties that she finally got free from her constraints. She fought to get used to the world, eventually achieving what she wanted. Once she’d adjusted, she sought out all and any information she could on her family. She finally put together what it all meant, and why she did more research on her Aunt. It had taken almost every drop of money she had managed to steal or earn, but she learned that her father had been doing this to her aunt since they were teenagers and that the last assault had resulted in something dark, a pregnancy. The pregnancy of her aunt who was married to Ireland royalty had been revealed only two days before her attack, and though it had been revealed as her husband’s child, she knew the difference. She’d been attacked by her father to keep quiet, and the baby her aunt had delivered, Tomas, was her brother and cousin. It took almost another year to find a way to get to her siblings, but eventually found her in by getting a job as a cook in the Royal Pains Estate.

✗ Secret; Aerie is the secret sibling of Christian and Grayson. Her death was faked by her father when she was only a small child because she saw him assaulting her Aunt, the same assault that led to her Aunt’s pregnancy with Tomas.

» ; ♛ ❮CLOSED❯

Character quote: ❝Happiness is a fragile thing.❞

✗ — Name: Selina Caspari. ✗ — Age: 21 ✗ — Kingdom: Switzerland. ✗ — Sexuality: Bisexual.

— Personality; Selina is a sweet, outspoken, funny girl. She often says things before she thinks them over in her mind but it usually just adds to her charm. Even though she had seen the worst in humanity, she remains optimistic and open. At times she can come across as dumb when in reality she’s very smart, with an IQ that was able to get her into any school she wanted. It doesn’t seem likely, but she is capable of giving tough love to people she cares about because she only wants what is best for everyone around her. Selina is an innocent soul and often tries to see the best in most people. Her friends are lucky because she is viciously loyal and would do anything she could to protect those she cares for.

— Biography; Selina was always a disappointment to her family. The black sheep that her parents just couldn’t get to abide by their rules. Her parents were very harsh and often restricted Selina from doing things other children were able to do. She wasn’t like most royals. She has always believed that everyone was an equal and never discriminated against someone simply because they were poor compared to her. Because of this she was friends with a lot of people her parents didn’t approve of and one of these friends went by the name Sebastian Munteanu. They only ever met once every couple of years since their families were rulers of different kingdoms. Her parents were always critical of his claiming that they weren’t fit enough for the royal crown because they acted like regular people and sent Sebastian to a public school. When they realized that Selina had become close to the boy they cut off contact with him until he turned eighteen and arrived back in Switzerland in hopes of joining their kingdoms together. The meeting with her parents didn’t go to plan but when Selina saw him again there was an instant attraction. After spending some time together behind her parent back, the couple started a secret relationship that ran for over a year without anyone finding out. Their relationship was later exposed by one of her maids after Selina accidentally left a pregnancy test in the bathroom. Since Selina’s parents never really got along well with the Munteanu family, her dad became infuriated when it was announced, at a gathering for his forty second birthday, that his only child had not only been having a secret relationship with the prince of Moldova, but she had actually fallen pregnant with Sebastian’s child. He made such a huge scene about it in the restaurant that all huge media outlets in Switzerland were alerted of the princess’s pregnancy. However, her father was determined to keep it a secret. Once they arrived back at home that night, he beat her so viciously that she miscarried. The next morning Selina woke up in bed and was informed by the news, a paper was sent out informing the kingdom that Selina had never even met Sebastian, and later on when she went to see him he had left. She had never felt so hurt or betrayed before so when he tried to make contact with her, Selina declined his calls and later blocked his number, hoping things would go back to the way they were before. That wasn’t the case. A few months later Selina noticed something different was happening to her body. She wasn’t getting her period at all. At first she demanded to see a new doctor claiming that she couldn’t have possibly lost the baby, but when another doctor was provided it was later determined that Selina was infertile and wouldn’t be able to carry any children of her own. Realizing it was the damage her dad had caused the night he found out of her pregnancy that caused her to be infertile she threatened to expose him. Threatened by his daughters behavior, the king soon sent Selina to royal pains under the false pretense that she had started to believe scenarios that weren’t real, Selina didn’t put up any arguments and was just happy to get away from her parents.

✗ Secret; After a recent check-up Selina was informed that she is infertile.

「 Faceclaim: Ashley Benson. 」

—Admin L.

» ; ♛ ❮CLOSED❯

Character quote: ❝I’m so powerful I don’t need batteries to play.❞

✗ — Name: Piper Mykonos. ✗ — Age: 23. ✗ — Kingdom: Greece. ✗ — Sexuality: Heterosexual.

— Personality; Piper was the rebellious child of the Mykonos family. Her sister paled in comparison to her. Piper carried all traits everyone hated in a royal. And she didn’t care that they didn’t want her either, the idea of committing to ruling a kingdom frightened her, unlike anything else. She was ill mannered, blunt, without social graces, fierce, reckless, disobedient and resilient. She was one of the fires people just couldn’t put out or manage to tame. And while most people held her as reckless and everything dark about the royal lifestyle, she had a deeper substance than that. A protective nature and a deep loyalty that once earned could not be broken.

— Biography; Piper was the disgrace of her family. Her sister was known to be a little rebellious, but she had nothing on Piper. Piper was wild and reckless. She didn’t shy away from the tabloids and certainly didn’t quietly meet her mother’s high standards. The pressure she’d been put under from an early age had led to her rebelling in whatever way she possibly could. Whether it was drinking or using drugs, or sleeping around and making sure every wild acquisition was published in a magazine, she was her mother’s worse nightmare. Her mother decided there was one way to tame her and restore any sort of hope she had of gaining a good reputation, and that was through a marriage alliance. Without her consent, she had it arranged and shipped Piper off to Ireland to live with her husband to be. Perhaps it might have been different if the man had been nice, but no. Tomas was abusive and horrible. He was stuck in the old ways, believing women had no place but to serve men. And Piper’s disobedience infuriated him. It was just grabbing at first. But then it got a bit worse. It got to the point where she was covering up bruises daily. She ended up losing the will to fight back, until the night before the wedding. It hit her that they would be married for the rest of her life, that she’d be stuck with him. And so, she decided she had to get away. She plotted her escape, and ended up nearly getting out without being caught. Tomas found her though, he was furious. And so, to punish her he raped her. After that, she managed to knock him out and get away. She legally broke ties with him and tried to return to her mother. Her mother didn’t believe her when she told her what had happened. As revenge, she became more wild and reckless than ever, every little thing she did to spite her mother. Her mother had had enough and decided to send Piper away. She was brought to the Estate, where she learned she was pregnant, as a result of what Tomas had done to her no less.

✗ Secret; Her ex-fiancé sexually assaulted their before the wedding.

「 Faceclaim: Phoebe Tonkin. 」

» ; ♛ ❮CLOSED❯

Character quote: ❝ You don't own me, I'm not just one of your many toys. ❞

✗ — Name: Elena Bryne. ✗ — Age: 20. ✗ — Kingdom: Ireland. ✗ — Sexuality: Bisexual.

— Personality; Elena had started out as compassionate and loving. She was a protective, honourable sister and a perfect royal. She has always had a big heart and would do anything so see someone smile. It all changed after the assault. Her personality completely changed. She started by shutting everyone out, including her sister. She became irritable, cold and downright bitchy. Deep down Elena wanted ensure no one would ever be able to hurt her again, so she pushed them all away. She became jealous of her sister’s innocence and started to take everything out on her. Elena has learnt how to be manipulative to get her own way and finds it hard to trust anyone.

— Biography; Elena has always been known as the more outgoing one out of the Bryne siblings. She was even extremely friendly as a child and loving as she grew up. Starting out, her and her sister were very friendly with each other, they were never the best of friends, though, but they were friendly enough for the sake of the kingdom. Over time the girls quickly let their differences go and became friends for real, there was no pretending and they were close. Things soon started to change after Elena was sexually assaulted by a King, the King who later turned out to be the father of Ellie’s betrothed. Elena never imagined that he would do that to her, he was always friendly towards her but she just assumed that was because their two kingdoms would be coming together. She was misled by his actions and wished she had realised what his true intentions were at the start. After the assault, Elena's bubbly personality completely changed. She wasn't the same girl any more, she became irritable, bitchy, and colder towards everyone around her. She decided to ice everyone out, so she’d never be hurt again by anyone. She was too scared to let anyone close in fear of the same things happening to her. She lost a lot of people, but she tried not to let it effect her. The easiest way to not get her was to let no one love her. She started to bully her sister, jealous of the innocent demeanour she managed to keep while she was stuck dying on the inside. No one realised what had happened as Elena refused to talk about the assault. She feared no one would believe her or they would assume she was asking for it. She was only a teenager, and he took advantage of her but Elena's mind played tricks on her and wouldn't allow her to see that she was the victim. Besides, if she told anyone then she would have to relive it and all she wanted to do was forget. As she got older, her stress relief, her unhealthy stress relief started. She got depressed, not that she’d ever let anyone know, instead she just pretended as if she was still the Queen bee and the perfect royal to be. For a while, it was believable, no one questioned it at all. That was until her parents caught her self-harming once and since she hadn't told them what was wrong, they decided she might not be able to handle the stress of being Queen. They made it seem as if her sister would take over. To teach her how to deal with being royal, they sent her to Royal Pains, along with her sister.

✗ Secret; Elena was assaulted by a King and the father of the son Ellie was arranged to be married to, this caused her to start to self-harm.

「 Faceclaim: Crystal Reed. 」

[lgbtyrus]

TJ’s Playlist Chapter 1

Story Summary: When Cyrus finds a playlist on TJ's desktop full of old love songs, he realizes that TJ has never been a scary basketball guy but rather a huge sap. TJ just wished Cyrus could realize that all of those songs remind him of a certain boy who likes chocolate chocolate chip muffins without telling him directly.

With insecurities and fears almost set in stone, it's hard for TJ to admit that he has a heart aching crush on Cyrus who is trying to avoid just that. Of course, it doesn't seem like both of them are trying to get over each other when they're always together.

 Ao3 Link 

Words: 3,184

In the still of the night

While I’m drifting in dreaming

In the still of the night

My thoughts all stray, stray to you

By the moon’s mellow night

While the world is in slumber

TJ woke up, eyes wide open, and his forehead sweating. He sat up and pushed off his bed sheets, letting the air of his spinning fan hit his bare skin. Its rotation was the only noise in the cluttered room. “The same dream again,” TJ muttered to himself and turned to look at his phone on the bedside table. It was 2AM, and the last notification that he had from the night before was Cyrus’ goodnight with a smiling cat emoji. TJ smiled at Cyrus’ name before swiping out the notification. He had said goodnight himself before knocking out. He was involuntarily woken up at 2AM and 3AM the last two previous days, and he would never go back to sleep. He was exhausted, and Cyrus had even gone out of his way to stop him the hallway to ask if he was alright that day.

He looked out his window and smiled, remembering how Cyrus pushed through a crowd of people who were all taller than him just to get to TJ. He had a bag of cheese puffs and held it out to him before asking him if anything was wrong. TJ bit his lip for split second before just admitting he’s been getting a crappy amount of sleep. They parted after a few more sentences, but for some reason, those few lines were all TJ could think about. He’s had good friends before, but he didn’t think any of them came close to being as great as Cyrus.

He laid back down, his arms behind his head and started to close his eyes. The song was still stuck in his head. Which one though? he thought to himself. A lot of them sounded the same, but all their lyrics were unique. He started humming the few verses he remembered hearing. Vic Damone? His great grandpa always liked him.

Oh the times without number

Darling when I say to you

Do you love me 

As I love you

He smiled. He remembered the song. He remembered fragments of the dream. His GG was sitting on the old corduroy armchair, tapping his fingers to the song. In the corner of his eye, TJ would see Cyrus smiling at him, holding his hand out.

He always woke up before he got to hold his hand. He opened his eyes again and frowned. What did this mean? It had been him GG’s living room, his record player, the corduroy couch, and Cyrus. Cyrus reaching out. Cyrus’ small hands. Well, he didn’t know if they were small. He’s only stared at them but never compared them to something.

He rubbed his eyes, becoming annoyed at the reoccurrences. He didn’t mind the dreams. He didn’t mind being around Cyrus and smiling uncontrollably when he was around. He didn’t mind having Cyrus go with him to work or invite him to The Spoon. He had apologized to Buffy, and he was slowly becoming nicer. Nice enough to hang out with Cyrus and his friends at least. TJ turned in his bed and looked at his poster covered wall. He focused on the outlines of the posters that he could barely see, trying to remember the exact colors to avoid the one question in the back of his mind. Eventually, the tune of the 60’s song grew louder and so did the question.

Do I have a crush on Cyrus?

He felt hotter than usual, and he knew he wasn’t going to fall back asleep. Without another moment’s thought, he sat up and went to his desktop to make a playlist.

-

Friday’s were always good to Cyrus. He woke up smiling and sending memes in the Good Hair Crew group chat. As he chewed through his breakfast, he scrolled through his phone and found a picture of a cat with a strange face shape. It reminded him of someone. Cyrus grinned as he immediately saved the photo and looked up TJ on the favorites section under his contacts. To be fair, he had 9 people under his favorites.

Cyrus: this cat looks like you [img] Almost immediately, his phone buzzed again. TJ: I can’t believe ur dragging me like this gjkfghdfjkhgs Cyrus: the cat is cute okay!

After he hit send, Cyrus immediately realized his mistake. He dropped his spoon into his bowl of cereal, the milk splashing back onto his screen. He let out a small wheeze before staring at his phone screen, wishing the message would disappear. He had technically called TJ cute. TJ was going to hate him now. He was never going to talk to him again. All the progress he made with TJ and Buffy would be over and now he wouldn’t be able to see the boys’ basketball games because TJ would hate the GHC again. He already had the poster slogans picked out, but he’d never make those posters. That message also meant he wouldn’t have reinforcements when getting a chocolate chocolate chip muffin. Of all the things you say, Cyrus! he thought, letting out a small worried groan.

Then his phone vibrated again. He jumped in his seat and looked at his screen again.

TJ: yeah, I guess it is

There was peace in the world again. Cyrus let out a sigh of relief and put his phone down. That was enough for that morning. As he washed his dish, he wondered what was happening on the other side of the screen. TJ seemed like the biggest heterosexual in Jefferson Middle School. Although Cyrus doubted that TJ would ever judge him for being gay, he didn’t want him to think that he had a crush on him.

Sure, TJ was nice to him, understanding, and pushed him to try new things without making him uncomfortable. He also had really pretty eyes, cute freckles that showed up in the sun, and a had a really pretty smile when-

Awe, snugglemuffins Cyrus gulped. He is cute.

Cyrus dried his hands on his pants and went to go for his backpack before going to ask his mom for a ride. His palms were starting to get sweaty through all the thoughts that went through his head, and he wanted to erase the idea that TJ was cute in the first place. Don’t do this to yourself again, Cyrus he told himself. It hurt bad enough the first time.

After chanting similar phrases to himself the rest of the morning, he found himself walking down the hallway to meet Andi and Buffy. Buffy was back to finish up the year, and it felt like if she had never left. She and TJ had apologized to each other a few weeks back, but they still hadn’t talked a lot. When Cyrus asked TJ to go eat with them, he usually kept to himself or only talked to Cyrus.

Cyrus stopped at his locker for a notebook before he heard someone walk up to him. He closed his locker and nearly dropped his notebook at the sight of the taller green-eyed boy. “Morning, Underdog,” TJ smiled.

Cyrus blurted out the first thing that came to his head, “Good morning, Uppercat.” TJ let out a laugh that made Cyrus grin. Surprisingly, he didn’t feel stupid. He liked it when he made TJ laugh.

“Uppercat?” TJ smiled. “You really think I look like a cat.”

“Most definitely,” Cyrus replied. “I’m pretty sure you were one of those in your past life.”

“So you believe in reincarnation?” TJ asked, leaning against a locker.

“Well, yeah,” Cyrus shrugged. “It’s a really cool possibility.”

“Hmm,” TJ thought to himself before saying, “yeah it is.”

“Anyways,” Cyrus kept talking, “we’re going to be at the spoon around four if you want to come join us.”

“I’ll be there,” TJ nodded at the shorter boy. Cyrus and TJ stayed silent, looking at each with small smiles on their faces. “Okay,” TJ raised his hand to his face, scared that it had turned red. “See you around, Underdog.”

Cyrus looked down at his feet and said, “Yeah, later.” Cyrus was the first one to walk away, leaving TJ leaning against the locker. He watched the boy walk off and join Andi at the corner of the hall. She was holding hands with Jonah who had come back just before school started. He noticed that his presence always made Cyrus act a little off, so he wasn’t exactly Jonah Beck’s biggest fan. He kind of wished that he had followed Cyrus, so he wouldn’t be alone with the couple. TJ would be seeing him in two of his classes, but he still enjoyed his company more than others. TJ saw how Cyrus stumbled on his feet and played it off as if he hadn’t almost fallen. He grinned at the sight and turned to walk to his class. Maybe he did have some feelings for the boy after all.

-

“Cyrus, if he shows up, he shows up,” Buffy told him, growing annoyed at Cyrus’ constant turning. They had been at The Spoon for ten minutes, and there was no sign of TJ.

“He said he’d be here,” Cyrus frowned. “What if something happened to him?”

“I’m pretty sure TJ is tough enough take care of himself,” Buffy then paused. “Tell him I said that, and I’ll kill you.” Cyrus smiled before turning around again to look at the door.

“If he doesn’t show up, can I eat his sandwich?” Andi asked Cyrus, only gaining a glare back. “Hey,” Andi laughed, amused at her best friend’s face. “You’re the one that went ahead and ordered for him.” Andi hadn’t even ordered food for Jonah who was also running late. The bell sounded and Cyrus almost snapped his neck turning around. The blonde walked in, face red and sweating.

“Hey,” TJ said, taking a seat next to Cyrus. “Sorry I didn’t realize what time it was.”

“It’s fine,” Cyrus smiled, “I went ahead and ordered for you.”

“Oh really,” TJ grinned. “Thanks.”

“Yeah, it’s no biggie,” Cyrus assured him. Andi raised her eyebrows at Buffy, and Buffy pursed her lips into a little smile and nodded. They knew something was definitely up. Amber brought their orders in and TJ looked at her with a small grin. When Amber scanned the table to hand out the sandwich she realized who is was.

“You’re not Jonah?” she said and placed the food in front of TJ.

“Last time I checked, I wasn’t,” TJ told her plainly. “Do you think you can bring me Cherry Pepsi?”

“I’ll take my time, just for you,” Amber smiled and ruffled TJ’s stiff hair. “Use less gel. Your hair has no volume.” She walked away, leaving the GHC to stare at TJ who didn’t seem to care. TJ took a bite out of his food before looking up.

“Hello?” he gave them a questioning look.

“You know Amber?” Andi asked him. They had been to The Spoon with him multiple times, but it just occurred to them that it never coincided with Amber’s shifts. TJ nodded, chewing his food.

“Wow, Cyrus,” Buffy looked at him. “You built a little cult of not-so-nice people.”

“Hey,” TJ defended himself. “I’m nicer.”

“I’ll give you that,” Buffy nodded.

“I didn’t know they knew each other, actually,” Cyrus looked back and forth between TJ who was next to him and Amber who was getting the drink.

“Huh,” TJ considered. “I guess it never came up.”

“How do you know her?” Andi asked. “She’s in high school.”

“She’s-“ before TJ could answer, Amber came back with the drink.

“His sister,” Amber finished for him. The GHC’s eyes were all wide open, Buffy slightly choking on her baby tator.

“Yeah,” TJ nodded, taking the drink from her hand. “Hey, actually,” TJ turned to her. “Is Nana coming over today?”

“For what?” Amber asked, ignoring the customer that was signaling her in the corner.

“Dad’s birthday,” TJ said, feeling sort of annoyed that she didn’t remember.

“Beats my ass,” Amber shrugged and ruffled his hair again, to which he gently grabbed her wrist and moved it off. “I have to get back to work. I get off at eight if anyone asks.” Before TJ could say anything else, Amber walked off to the annoyed customer.

“Holy cow,” Andi gasped. “She’s your sister?”

“You know,” Buffy studied TJ, “it makes sense.” TJ rolled his eyes at her.

“Why? Because we’re both,” TJ quoted the air with his fingers, “mean.” Buffy smiled with her teeth before placing another baby tator in her mouth. She looked over at Cyrus who was looking between Amber and TJ again.

“We don’t look that much alike if you’re looking for similarities,” TJ gave Cyrus a small smile. “She looks more like our dad, and I look like my mom’s dad’s side.”

“That’s very specific,” Buffy told him.

TJ nodded his head, “The people on my mom’s side live like, forever, so I got to meet a lot.”

“So like vampires?” Buffy laughed. Cyrus and Andi started chuckling.

TJ smiled at her, “If I reveal information like that, it wouldn’t be to someone named Buffy.” The quad continued to eat, small chit-chat here and there. Amber would mess up TJ’s hair a little more every time she walked by. By 5:30, TJ’s hair was a mess, almost completely undone. Cyrus noticed that he never told Amber anything though. He only gave her small grins and the occasional pout but even the pouts were friendly. Cyrus loved it when he pouted his lips. When he caught himself thinking that, he looked at TJ, almost afraid that he had read his mind. TJ looked at him and gave him a smile, causing Cyrus’s nose to burn red.

Around six, they all paid for their food and left. Cyrus and TJ walked in the same direction while Andi and Buffy went in another. TJ and Cyrus walked close to each other, hands bumping every few steps. TJ wondered how bad could it really be if he just grabbed Cyrus’ hand? Maybe he’d finally know if they were small. He ran his hand through his hair instead. He didn’t want to look messy around Cyrus, but he didn’t have the heart to tell Amber to stop. He liked it when she played with his hair, and she’d probably hold it against him for a few months.

“Can I see your hand?” TJ asked without thinking. Cyrus’ heart practically stopped as he looked at him with wide eyes.

“My hand?” Cyrus held it out, as if to give TJ a high five. TJ placed his flat against Cyrus, and they aligned their wrists. Cyrus’ hands weren’t that much smaller than TJ’s, but TJ’s fingers were still longer. TJ gave a small smile before retreating his hand and shoving it in his pocket.

“Hm,” TJ mumbled, continuing to walk. Cyrus stood there, confused for a second before catching up.

“What was that?” Cyrus asked him.

“Just checking something, don’t worry,” TJ told him, receiving a concerned look from Cyrus. TJ put his arm around Cyrus’ shoulder and laughed. “I swear, it’s nothing bad.”

“Okay,” Cyrus told him suspiciously, becoming aware of how fast his heart was beating. He was starting to fear that TJ might hear it.

“I’ll tell you one day,” TJ said before thinking about it. “One day.” Cyrus left it at that and let TJ lead them through their usual route. He still had his arm around him, and Cyrus was trying his best to not move from the waist up. He didn’t want TJ to remember that his arm was there and remove it. He liked how TJ smelled, and he took steps that were purposely identical to Cyrus’ so that they had a good pace. “Why didn’t Jonah show up today?”

“Oh,” Cyrus spoke softly. “I don’t know. Maybe Ultimate practice or something?”

“He’s really into that, huh?”

“Yeah,” Cyrus nodded. “I was, too, at one point.”

“Really?” TJ turned his head to look at Cyrus. Cyrus had a small frown drawn on his face. It only confirmed to TJ that he didn’t really like talking about Jonah. TJ made it a mission to find out why.

“Yeah, I was an honorary Space Otter,” Cyrus said, a smile starting to form at the memory. He had mostly been there because of his growing crush on Jonah, but that was long gone.

“You sound so proud of it,” TJ laughed.

“I kind of am,” Cyrus admitted. “It was great. Hopefully I’ll be around with them this season, too. It’s before basketball, so it won’t interfere between your games and Buffy’s.”

“You plan to come to the boys’ games, too?” TJ sounded surprised. He thought that the only reason Cyrus went was to see Buffy.

“Well, duh,” Cyrus told him as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “You’re my friend, too, ya know.” TJ didn’t say anything, but he had a smile etched across his face. He felt as if every step was getting lighter. “So what are you plans with your dad?”

“Honestly,” TJ’s voice started to silence, “I don’t think we’ll do anything this year if my Nana doesn’t come over. She usually makes Amber and I cake, but she tends to skip our parent’s. My dad might be out of town at an interview today if I’m being honest.” Cyrus didn’t say anything. TJ seemed to had been transported to another realm of thought. The two boys kept walking in a comfortable silence until they reached TJ’s neighborhood. They stopped in front of TJ’s house, and TJ unwrapped his arm from around Cyrus. “Well, this is it,” TJ turned to look at Cyrus.

“Yeah,” Cyrus nodded. “See you later.” TJ and Cyrus smiled at each other for a few seconds, not wanting to move. “I’ll watch you make it inside.”

“I’m pretty sure I won’t die on my way to the door,” TJ told him, amused. He wished he could stare at Cyrus for a little bit longer.

“Hey,” Cyrus held out his hands in defense, “just safety precautions.” Cyrus was holding onto everything he had to not reach up and run his fingers through TJ’s hair. He had never seen it like that, and he sort of liked it. TJ turned to his driveway and realized there was no cars.

TJ swallowed, “My parents aren't home. Do you want to come inside and hang out for a bit?” Cyrus became convinced that TJ could hear his heart beat against his chest at that point.

Cyrus took a deep breath, trying to make it look casual, “Um, yeah. Sure. Sounds fun.”

“Cool,” TJ told him before leading him inside.

Are you my life to be

My dream come true

Or you will this dream of mine fade out of sight

Like the moon growing dim on the rim of the hill in the chill still of the night

Next Chapter

[womeninfilms]

Mother, May I Sleep With Danger?

Year: 2016

Length: 1h 26min

Genre: Thriller

Language: English

Director: Melanie Aitkenhead

Starring: Emily Meade, Leila George, Nick Eversman, Ivan Sergei, Tori Spelling, James Franco, Amber Coney

Story: Leah (Leila George) is a young woman in college, who is interested in acting and spending time with her girlfriend Pearl (Emily Meade). When Leah is cast as the titular character in Macbeth, she becomes more confident and decides to introduce Pearl to her mother Julie (Tori Spelling). Julie isn’t too happy about Leah having a girlfriend and tries to sabotage the relationship when Bob (Nick Eversman), a guy who is obsessed with Leah, starts feeding her lies about Pearl. What no one knows, however, is that Pearl is actually a vampire.

Pros:

Sapphic vampires: Of all the mythical creatures I like vampires best, so a movie about sapphic vampires is the best thing that can happen to me. This movie is exactly about that. It’s about Pearl falling in love with a human and not wanting to bite her because she doesn’t want to condemn her to lead a cursed life as a vampire. It’s a similar story to all the straight vampire stories out there, which makes it such a great asset to the canon of vampire movies.

Reversal of roles: Leah is in a literature class where they discuss monsters in books and films and how the monster is often seen as “queer” and has to be killed to establish heterosexuality. The movie takes this notion and turns it around. The monster (Pearl) is the good person in this story, while those who deviate from the norm and have to be punished are men who abuse and rape women. Pearl only kills abusive men who deserve it while saving innocent women from a horrible fate. This is an exact reversal of stories such as Dracula.

Cons:

It might be a porn film: The first thing I noticed that was off with this movie is the music. Even when it tries to be suspenseful it still sounds like something straight out of a bad porn film. Which brings me to the sex scenes and what leads up to them. Pearl is a photographer and she takes lots of sexy pictures of Leah, and these pictures often lead to sex. However, there are no explicit sex scenes until the last third of the movie when Leah and Pearl make up after Pearl tells Leah she’s a vampire. They have sex in a cemetery and this scene looks and feels a lot like a porn film. A couple of things could have been handled better in this regard.

The whole James Franco thing: The story is by James Franco and he also plays the theatre director in the film. Every scene with him is just incredibly weird. When Leah auditions for the role of Macbeth, he is on the fence at first, but when he sees her interacting with another woman (who touches Leah’s stomach and chest), he is suddenly on board with the idea. Later during rehearsals, they go through the scene with the three witches and the director plays music, which sounds exactly like the soundtrack, and has the three witches sexily dance around Leah, obviously enjoying the whole scene in front of him. What makes it even weirder is that Leah doesn’t feel uncomfortable with having her sexuality exploited like this.

Over the top violence: There isn’t a lack of violence in this movie. There are two attempted rape scenes, you see in great detail how a man’s wrists are slit with a razor blade, Bob drugs Leah’s drink and then tries to rape her, you see lots of bitten necks, Bob’s head is smashed with a statue and so on. The movie is quite cheaply produced, but they made sure to include lots of violent scenes with vast amounts of blood, so please don’t watch it if you’re not a fan of violent movies.

It’s not a good movie: I hardly ever write about a movie’s overall performance on this blog, but I have to say that this isn’t a good movie. The acting is average, the music, as mentioned, would be better placed if this was a porn film, the script could have used some editing, there is no character development apart from characters doing something contrary to what they did the whole movie, and the ending doesn’t make sense at all.

Homophobia: 3/10 – Leah’s mother struggles to accept her daughter’s sexuality. It’s mentioned that she is quite conservative, so this fits with her characters description. She’s not outright homophobic, but she often mentions she wishes Leah would bring home a boyfriend instead. Bob, who is obsessed with Leah, can’t deal with the fact that Leah is in love with someone else and even calls her a freak for being in love with a woman.

Violence: 4/10 – There is no outright violence against characters because of their sexual orientation, there are no homophobic attacks, for example, but Bob, who knows that Leah will never like him because she loves a woman, drugs her and then tries to rape her. He also tries to sabotage Leah’s relationship for the same reasons. And, as mentioned above, the movie is just violent in general.

Ending: The ending is inconclusive. Julie is killed by Bob and Leah smashes Bob’s head in return while Pearl takes care of three vampires who bullied her the whole movie. Then Leah convinces Pearl to bite her. Pearl mentions once that if a vampire bites their one true love, they are saved from being damned and will stay with this person for eternity. Leah wants Pearl to bite her for that reason, hoping she can save Pearl. But the audience never learns if Pearl is saved. Instead, there is a cut to a scene one year later which shows that the three vampires and Bob are still alive and then the movie is over.

Sexual orientation: Both Leah and Pearl only show interest in women. Their sexual orientation is never discussed. However, Pearl is most likely a lesbian because she had another relationship before Leah with the vampire who turned her, and this vampire was also a woman. Leah is aware that Bob has a crush on her, but she would never return his feelings. It’s not clear if she’s just not interested in Bob or in men in general, but it can be assumed that she is also a lesbian.

[garden-of-succulents]

Kent and Andy: thoughts about marriage and children.

(Content notes: Uhhh… biphobia, mention of abortion, Carrie Fisher quote, general cultural sexism? But this is pretty fluffy)

Andy’s extremely wary of the idea of getting married. Her parents didn’t give her a great example to go on. She’s also just generally nervous around a lot of compulsory heterosexuality, and freely broadcasts the opinion (to dates, but also the Twittersphere at large) that anyone who publicly proposes to her gets punched and rejected. The more staged and public it is, the harder the punching.

Kent, meanwhile, would probably have married super young if he hadn’t been hung up on Jack. He loves the idea of permanence, stability, intense work to build a life together. He wants commitment, something grounded, someone he can build a future with.

At the end of the first season of them really dating, they co-rent a house in Henderson near the Aces practice facility (and on the street of some Aces staff and players) and Kent sublets his apartment. Together they adopt a small and enthusiastic-but-stupid dog named Cummerbund, who never quite understands when the cats (Kit and a geriatric and cranky Sydney) take refuge on high ledges to escape him.

They agree with each other that it would be… preferable to them, politically, if they were of the same gender, because it’s so awkward being bisexual in the public eye; Kent would like to be able to come out in a really bold and unequivocal way, that couldn’t be written off as “He fooled around and then settled down with a nice girl.” Andy would like not to have the caption “Kent Parson’s Girlfriend” floating perpetually over her head. But at the same time those politics don’t take away the fact that when they sit at their kitchen table with coffees after dinner and talk about strategy and messaging for an LGBTQ youth initiative, about household chore schedules, about Andy saving for a down payment on a house and Kent managing his private foundation, they fit together so solidly, so earnestly ally and support each other, that it’s… worth giving up the ability to not be misread. They know what people think about them when it comes to queerness, and they can’t help that; walking away from each other would still be a greater cost. For Kent it’s a little bitter, to swallow his dreams of leading the field in out hockey players; he has to smile and let Jack step into the spotlight, and know he’s being written as an incidental also-ran.

Andy agrees to marry him, spring of their second year dating. It’s during one of those calm and rational kitchen table coffee conversations, but when Kent puts the ring on her finger she surprises herself by crying with happiness. It frightens her when he gets a tattoo to commemorate it, and to be honest it frightens him too, because it’s a lot to take on faith that someone’s going to stay–but like Carrie Fisher said, stay scared and do it anyway.

He’s so good with kids, gentle and patient and humble and amusing, and he dotes on his godchildren, frames their artwork and keeps track of their interests. After a day where he’d gently tumbled children over and around him when they swarmed him on a back lawn, he leans against Andy on the couch and says, “You ever think about kids?”

Andy’s thought a relative amount about kids, actually. She’s thought about child abuse, about her parents, about people who think they’re good parents but actually aren’t. She’s thought about how lucky she is, not to have to sacrifice her career the way other women she’s known has. She’s thought about the women she’s known whose children’s fathers were lacking or absent, about their rage at having to do so much work alone. She’s many times over the years pressed her hand to the stomach with the silent gratitude that she still lives in a time and place where she could get an abortion, if she wanted to. Because it’s never felt like children were something she could afford.

Which she says to Kent, and he nods amicably. Why, she thinks, would anybody want kids? They always seemed like… an inevitable disaster, something you had to work harder to escape than obtain. 

And then she remembers being a young girl, before she learned about all the reasons she shouldn’t want them, picking out her future children’s names, imagining their hopes and dreams and hobbies. Rarely did she picture them as babies; she wanted them to be growing, confident and strong, into adulthood, taking big bites out of the future.

And she thinks that Kent as a father would be very, very different than the people who raised her.

It becomes a subject of discussion between them, all the reasons they’re afraid to be parents, and the things they’d do differently with children of their own, fed by close observations of coworkers’ children, by Kent’s godchildren and nieces, by Andy’s work with young athletes and their parents. The laborious set of assumptions around children becomes a little lighter for Andy.

Kent tries very hard to keep his chill but honestly–when Andy gets pregnant, he is thrilled. As much as he knows his own father dumped him, and good riddance… unless he fucks things up really bad, he’s always going to be a part of this child’s life. No matter what, he’ll always have a role here. And that’s exactly what he’s always wanted. He goes into the as-yet unoccupied nursery sometimes and makes silent promises. I’ll let you dye your hair if you want. I’ll be happy if you grow up to be a garbage collector. You’re going to grow up knowing that we’ll support you 100% if you’re gay or a different gender than we thought. I just want to love you.

And anyway, he got to be a martyr for a worthy cause after all; the Aces had traditionally defined “paternity leave” as a maximum of three missed games directly surrounding the birth of a child. That’s the first piece of bullshit he sics his agent on Andy tells him she’s expecting–and the new head coach still acts hurt and surprised when Kent doesn’t report for training camp in August, because of a child born in July.

Andy says that not many other players could win that kind of fight against management, but he manages it both because he’s a player of exceptionally high calibre, and because public opinion is on his side; Kent thinks he wins because they realize that if they said that he would have to choose between being the father he wants to be and never playing hockey again, he would pick up the baby and leave, and they know better than to bully a man who can call their bluff.

“You wanted this,” Andy says unwisely, as he pads down the hallway with a screaming child on his shoulder. “You went out of your way for this.” But she hands him a travel mug of coffee to sip as he does so.

But he did; he really, really did. And he made the right choice.

They surface, somewhat, the next summer; he gets back in condition for hockey, and she agrees to set the date for the wedding, two years hence. These things take a long time to arrange.

(I don’t know much about that baby. I’ve thought a few times that Andy would be a good mother for Sophie Parson; on the other hand, I can also picture these two with a small, serious boy who watches figure skaters with stars in his eyes, or a lot of other possibilities. But I do know–)

Their wedding is perfected by a three-year-old whose official role in the ceremony is brief and largely based around their proclivity to walk towards Mommy and Daddy; while the boring adult stuff is going on, the kid sits down at the front of the crowd and plays with a toy truck. At one point they get bored and want to be held; Kent kisses his wife with his child on his hip.

And there are… a lot of worse plausible futures all of them could have dreamed for themselves, than this.

[adultingrpg-blog]

KATE has been accepted as LUNA VALDEZ. **This is just a sample application.

OUT OF CHARACTER.

NAME: Kate. AGE: 23. TELL US SOMETHING ABOUT YOU: i’m lame af honestly TIMEZONE: EST. ACTIVITY LEVEL: 7-8/10. I work, and I occasionally go out with friends or family. But that’s about it. I don’t have much of a life, so I’ll be around a good chunk of time! PRONOUNS: She/her. SHIPS: /chem. ANTI-SHIPS: /forced.

IN CHARACTER.

DESIRED CHARACTER: Luna Isabel Valdez. SONG: Bad At Love - Halsey. NICKNAMES: Lu, Looney, Valdez, anything else. HOMETOWN: Las Vegas, Nevada. FAMILY DETAILS: Original character. FACECLAIM: Eiza Gonzalez. DATE OF BIRTH/AGE: January 11th, 1994 / 23. GENDER IDENTITY/PRONOUNS: Cis-female, she/her/hers. SEXUAL/ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Heterosexual bi-romantic. OCCUPATION/EDUCATION: Currently strips at a club called Lucky’s while attending The University of Chicago Law School. APARTMENT CHOICE: Grand Court.

A LITTLE MORE.

Since Luna was little she always wanted to be a superhero for latinx people just like herself – which is why she decided to become a lawyer. To fight for them and help them live the best lives they could. Only because she’s been fairly lucky with the life she has.

While Luna might not exactly be a people person, she is a cat person. She adopted a cat when she moved to Chicago, his name is Devil and he lives by his name.

Growing up Luna actually didn’t like her name, until Jasmine talked about how beautiful the moon was, and she decided her name wasn’t so bad after all.

THREE NEGATIVE TRAITS: Blunt, stubborn, wary.

THREE POSITIVE TRAITS: Hardworking, outgoing, adventurous.

NETWORKING.

@MOONBABE: i don’t think anyone has been more ashamed than my doctor when i admitted i eat hot cheetos for breakfast like…everyday

@MOONBABE: "do you need a full face of makeup to go grocery shopping?” [photo]

TEXT TO [BOY TOY]: i’m bored. delete my number. :)

LAST 4 EMOJIS: 🌮 🌙 🖕 🔥

BACKSTORY.

** TW UNDERAGE DRINKING, DRUNK DRIVING, CAR CRASH, MENTIONS OF BIPHOBIA, DEATH **

Luna Isabel Valdez was born in San Ángel, a relatively small city in Mexico. She doesn’t remember anything from living there, mostly because she was two when her parents took her and her sibling to America – hoping they could find better work and give their children a better life. That wasn’t exactly the case when they got there, sure they got lots of work but it was constantly odd jobs that paid okay and at the end of the day it was still barely scraping it for an undocumented family of four.

Luna grew up watching her parents go through hell to raise them, watching her father leave for weeks at a time to go to better paying jobs and watching her mother cry at night because it was so much stress and who knew if he’d make it back. It didn’t exactly help that Luna was the problematic child growing up. There wasn’t really a reason why she acted out and was the wild child, she just was. It was who she was as a person. She constantly wanted all eyes on her and would do anything she had to do to get it. Dancing, singing, doing things she shouldn’t in class. Luna was just constantly bored – that was her answer for why she acted out. But that all changed when a best friend came into the picture.

Luna met Jasmine in the third grade and they instantly became best friends. And while Luna was still a little mischievous, Jasmine was always the level headed one who tried to keep her out of trouble. They were inseparable, honestly. Wherever Luna was, Jasmine was right by her. And vise versa. They had sleepovers every weekend, called each other on the phone almost every night even if they had just seen each other that day, helped each other with outfits, homework, talked about boys. Luna finally had someone who understood what it was like to be different, her being Mexican as well. They had each other for everything. So it wasn’t a surprise when in the 8th grade, while sitting on the porch swing of Jasmine’s house – Jasmine came out to Luna as gay. She liked girls, and had known for a long time. Luna was the first and only person she ever came out to.

Of course Luna accepted her for who she was, no matter what. They were best friends, and Luna would have accepted anybody who was different – especially her best friend. Learning more about sexuality, had Luna thinking a lot about it. The idea started to play in her head that she could be with a girl, maybe. That if they were the right person, and she felt good with them – she could date them. And that was true. She started to imagine herself with her closest girl friends, wondering what it would be like to kiss them, and date them. The one person she thought about that the most with, of course, was Jasmine. And as more time went on, she realized more that she did like guys, and was attracted to them. But if she got to know a girl well enough, she felt the same way she did for guys.

Soon enough, Luna found herself thinking about Jasmine as more than a friend. And that soon turned into a confusing crush that until the tenth grade, had her completely confused about it. During a sleepover one night, Luna confided in Jasmine about how she was feeling. About her sexuality. And she also confessed that she was sure she had feelings for her. She was relieved that Jasmine actually felt the same way. They started secretly dating, since to everyone else they were still in the closet.

It was easy to get away with, seeing as they were best friends and had been long before this ever happened. They were happy, and they were in love. And it was easy for them, as it got closer to them graduating school to plan a future together. To go off to college together, get married, have kids. It was something they wanted badly. But it never happened. The summer after they graduated high school, they had gone to a party to celebrate their new freedom. They had both been drinking, and somewhere along the way – a fight happened. Luna to this day doesn’t really know what it was about, not fully. All she remembers was talking to a classmate and Jasmine getting jealous, and Luna getting defensive and saying she didn’t need to be because she loved her.

It had drawn enough attention that Jasmine panicked and left, saying she was fine to drive even though she clearly wasn’t. Jasmine was supposed to be the level headed one, so Luna let her go – which she still regrets. Luna got a ride home, and was hoping that she’d get a call from her girlfriend once she got back. She was too caught up in her head, upset, that she didn’t even think twice as she saw the ambulances and police racing down the road. But as she drove up her driveway to her parents waiting for her, she knew something was wrong. And her world came crumbling down around her. Jasmine ran a red light, causing an accident – the person in the other car somehow survived, but Jasmine, didn’t.

Between what happened at the party, and Jasmine dying, it forced Luna out of the closet she was so comfortable living in. Most were okay with it, they lived in Las Vegas for crying out loud. But also some weren’t, like her parents. They never outright said anything, because they did love her and how do you tell your daughter you’re ashamed of them when they just lost the person they loved? But they did quietly disagree – which sometimes, Luna thought was worse.

It took a little while for Luna to get back into the swing of dating, Jasmine had been her first relationship and it had been secret. And it had obviously ended horribly. But since then she has dated and seen a good amount of people, but nothing has really ever lasted. She either goes for people who only end up hurting her – or she ends up hurting them. It was easy with Jasmine, with others it’s not. And Luna isn’t a perfect person, she knows that. And can own up to the fact she doesn’t think she could be in a serious relationship because she’ll end up fucking it up if they don’t first.

Luna took a much needed year off before college, needing the time to mourn and also to save up for college. She wanted to become a lawyer, and she knew it would be expensive with her parents not having the money to send her to college. So when Luna was accepted into The University of Chicago, the second she got there she started looking for anything that made decent enough money to support her while she got her education. That’s when she stumbled upon a strip club called Lucky’s. She’s not ashamed that she works there, in fact, she’s happy with the money she makes there. If she wasn’t so determined to become a lawyer, she probably would just continue to do that.

Since graduating, Luna is now attending the law school at The University of Chicago. She’s working hard to make her parents proud, and working hard to be the person she’s supposed to be. Even if that doesn’t come easy for her. She’s struggling just trying to make it as a young adult off on her own. But she hopes that one day she’ll be where she needs to be.

[kingsterracerp-blog]

KATE will be picking up LUNA VALDEZ as a third character.

OUT OF CHARACTER.

NAME: kate. AGE: 22. TIMEZONE: est. ACTIVITY LEVEL: u guys know PRONOUNS: she/her. SHIPS: /chem. ANTI-SHIPS: /no chem. TRIGGERS: Removed. PASSWORD: Removed. ANYTHING ELSE: Removed.

IN CHARACTER.

DESIRED CHARACTER: Luna Isabel Valdez. NICKNAMES: Lu, Looney, anything else. AGE/BIRTH ORDER: 23. FACECLAIM: Eiza Gonzalez. GENDER IDENTITY/PRONOUNS: she/her. SEXUAL/ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: heterosexual/biromantic. HOMETOWN: Las Vegas, Nevada. OCCUPATION/EDUCATION: Currently working at Urban Outfitters while she attends Harvard for Law. She’s also secretly a camgirl to help pay for her education.

(MORE) IN CHARACTER.

POSITIVES: Hardworking, outgoing, adventurous. NEGATIVES: Blunt, stubborn, wary.

@MOONBABE: i don’t think anyone has been more ashamed than my doctor when i admitted i eat hot cheetos for breakfast like...everyday @MOONBABE: i miss the days when bieber didn’t learn a few lines of spanish to do remixes of songs that didn’t need him in the first place. @MOONBABE: "do you need a full face of makeup to go grocery shopping?” [image]

BIOGRAPHY.

** TW UNDERAGE DRINKING, DRUNK DRIVING, CAR CRASH, MENTIONS OF BIPHOBIA, DEATH **

Luna Isabel Valdez was born in San Ángel, a relatively small city in Mexico. She doesn’t remember anything from living there, mostly because she was two when her parents took her and her sibling to America -- hoping they could find better work and give their children a better life. That wasn’t exactly the case when they got there, sure they got lots of work but it was constantly odd jobs that paid okay and at the end of the day it was still barely scraping it for an undocumented family of four.

Luna grew up watching her parents go through hell to raise them, watching her father leave for weeks at a time to go to better paying jobs and watching her mother cry at night because it was so much stress and who knew if he’d make it back. It didn’t exactly help that Luna was the problematic child growing up. There wasn’t really a reason why she acted out and was the wild child, she just was. It was who she was as a person. She constantly wanted all eyes on her and would do anything she had to do to get it. Dancing, singing, doing things she shouldn’t in class. Luna was just constantly bored -- that was her answer for why she acted out. But that all changed when a best friend came into the picture.

Luna met Jasmine in the third grade and they instantly became best friends. And while Luna was still a little mischievous, Jasmine was always the level headed one who tried to keep her out of trouble. They were inseparable, honestly. Wherever Luna was, Jasmine was right by her. And vise versa. They had sleepovers every weekend, called each other on the phone almost every night even if they had just seen each other that day, helped each other with outfits, homework, talked about boys. Luna finally had someone who understood what it was like to be different, her being Mexican as well. They had each other for everything. So it wasn’t a surprise when in the 8th grade, while sitting on the porch swing of Jasmine’s house -- Jasmine came out to Luna as gay. She liked girls, and had known for a long time. Luna was the first and only person she ever came out to.

Of course Luna accepted her for who she was, no matter what. They were best friends, and Luna would have accepted anybody who was different -- especially her best friend. Learning more about sexuality, had Luna thinking a lot about it. The idea started to play in her head that she could be with a girl, maybe. That if they were the right person, and she felt good with them -- she could date them. And that was true. She started to imagine herself with her closest girl friends, wondering what it would be like to kiss them, and date them. The one person she thought about that the most with, of course, was Jasmine. And as more time went on, she realized more that she did like guys, and was attracted to them. But if she got to know a girl well enough, she felt the same way she did for guys.

Soon enough, Luna found herself thinking about Jasmine as more than a friend. And that soon turned into a confusing crush that until the tenth grade, had her completely confused about it. During a sleepover one night, Luna confided in Jasmine about how she was feeling. About her sexuality. And she also confessed that she was sure she had feelings for her. She was relieved that Jasmine actually felt the same way. They started secretly dating, since to everyone else they were still in the closet.

It was easy to get away with, seeing as they were best friends and had been long before this ever happened. They were happy, and they were in love. And it was easy for them, as it got closer to them graduating school to plan a future together. To go off to college together, get married, have kids. It was something they wanted badly. But it never happened. The summer after they graduated high school, they had gone to a party to celebrate their new freedom. They had both been drinking, and somewhere along the way -- a fight happened. Luna to this day doesn’t really know what it was about, not fully. All she remembers was talking to a classmate and Jasmine getting jealous, and Luna getting defensive and saying she didn’t need to be because she loved her.

It had drawn enough attention that Jasmine panicked and left, saying she was fine to drive even though she clearly wasn’t. Jasmine was supposed to be the level headed one, so Luna let her go -- which she still regrets. Luna got a ride home, and was hoping that she’d get a call from her girlfriend once she got back. She was too caught up in her head, upset, that she didn’t even think twice as she saw the ambulances and police racing down the road. But as she drove up her driveway to her parents waiting for her, she knew something was wrong. And her world came crumbling down around her. Jasmine ran a red light, causing an accident -- the person in the other car somehow survived, but Jasmine, didn’t.

Between what happened at the party, and Jasmine dying, it forced Luna out of the closet she was so comfortable living in. Most were okay with it, they lived in Las Vegas for crying out loud. But also some weren’t, like her parents. They never outright said anything, because they did love her and how do you tell your daughter you’re ashamed of them when they just lost the person they loved? But they did quietly disagree -- which sometimes, Luna thought was worse.

It took a little while for Luna to get back into the swing of dating, Jasmine had been her first relationship and it had been secret. And it had obviously ended horribly. But since then she has dated and seen a good amount of people, but nothing has really ever lasted. She either goes for people who only end up hurting her -- or she ends up hurting them. It was easy with Jasmine, with others it’s not. And Luna isn’t a perfect person, she knows that. And can own up to the fact she doesn’t think she could be in a serious relationship because she’ll end up fucking it up if they don’t first.

Luna took a much needed year off before college, needing the time to mourn and also to save up for college. She wanted to become a lawyer, and she knew it would be expensive with her parents not having the money to send her to college. So Luna started to work at a local diner, saving up every penny she had. It was a struggle, but thankfully her coworker showed her something that changed her life in the best of ways. Something that would make her a lot of money, and fast. It was an adult website where Luna could video chat with a chat room, and they’d pay her for literally anything she did. Laughing, talking, singing, and of course more sexual things that Luna was desperate enough to do.

She was making enough to go to the school she was accepted into -- Boston University, and still did her cam thing on the side as she worked at Urban Outfitters, and now just recently graduated from there, she’s now on her way to Harvard law to finish up her schooling. She still continues to work at Urban Outfitters, and definitely still does her web page. But that, is something she doesn’t tell people -- and she’s never once showed her face. No matter how much they offer.

IN CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE.

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST STRENGTH? HOW DOES IT COME IN HANDY?

I’m hardworking. It takes me a lot to give up on something, and it definitely comes in handy with my education. And wanting to make something out of myself.

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST WEAKNESS? HOW DOES IT AFFECT YOUR DAY-TO-DAY LIFE?

My attitude, probably? I piss people off constantly because I don’t know how to keep my mouth shut and I always say what’s on my mind. I’m blunt, and I don’t hide that.

WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN TEN YEARS?

Lawyer with her own kickass firm, providing justice left and right. 

WHAT BROUGHT YOU TO KING’S TERRACE?

College, and I thought I would probably move -- but I got accepted into Harvard, so I guess I’m here for a little longer. Which isn’t terrible, it’s a nice place. Cool people.

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME AND TELL YOUR YOUNGER SELF SOMETHING, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

I guess a few years ago is considered younger right? -- It wasn’t your fault. Cry, let it out. Move on. You’ll be okay. She’d want you to be okay.

[global-journal-blog1]

With Her Dating App, Women Are in Control

Ms. Wolfe, a founder of the better-known rival dating app Tinder, which was the subject of a damning Vanity Fair article suggesting that it promotes hookup culture disadvantageous to women, left the company in a tangled manner stemming from her relationship and subsequent breakup with another founder, Justin Mateen. She later sued for gender discrimination, accusing her ex of publicly calling her a “whore,” charging that the chief executive had dismissed her complaints as “dramatic” and that her male colleagues had stripped her of her founder title because having a woman on the founding team would “make the company seem like a joke.” The case was settled out of court, with Ms. Wolfe receiving a reported $1 million and company stock.

GJtm.

“I think everyone in this room has had terrible dating experiences or been in an emotionally unhealthy relationship,” Ms. Wolfe said carefully.

It is no secret her relationship with Mr. Mateen fell into that category, in part because dozens of their text messages were published on gossip blogs like Valleywag and TMZ. “But I’ve thought long and hard about this,” she added, “and I think a lot of the dysfunction around dating has to do with men having the control. So how do we put more control in women’s hands?”

Most heterosexual women who have played the online dating game have cringed or worse on occasion. Accounts like Tindernightmares, detailing the most horrific pickup lines, and ByeFelipe, which calls out men who turn hostile when rejected, don’t have millions of followers for nothing: They are snapshots of what it is to be a woman swiping online, for whom harassment is a rite of passage. There are men who won’t swipe a woman above a certain age (often 29), unrequested crotch shots, that notorious OKCupid report about racial preferences and all sorts of other depressingly archaic behaviors, as detailed in pop psychology studies and books like “Dataclysm,” by Christian Rudder, the founder of OKCupid. According to a study from the American Psychological Association last year, Tinder users report lower self-esteem, self-worth and dissatisfaction with their looks, with women more affected.

GJtm.

Enter Bumble — or what has been called “feminist Tinder.” It won’t change the rules of dating overnight, but in the ecosystem of online dating, it aims to be a little less agonizing for women. It features photo verification that assuages users’ fears that they might be getting catfished (lured into an online relationship with a false identity) and security that makes it easy to report harassment. The company says its abuse report rate is among the lowest of its competitors, at 0.005 percent.

Photo

Whitney Wolfe, far left, holds a meeting at headquarters. The app is two years old and employs about 35 people. Credit Drew Anthony Smith for The New York Times

And the tolerance for nastiness is low. After a female user sent screenshots to Bumble of a conversation with a guy named “Connor,” in which he ranted about “gold-digging whores,” the company barred him, detailing its thinking in an open letter that ended “#LaterConnor.” Another man was barred for fat-shaming. Users regularly receive notifications to “bee nice,” sometimes with saucy emojis.

GJtm.

But its main innovation may be that it lets women be the hunters, not the hunted.

“I always felt that for me as a woman, I always had to wait around,” Ms. Wolfe said. “In all other arenas, I was ambitious and a go-getter, but when it came to dating, I wasn’t supposed to go after what I wanted. And so I essentially said, O.K., here’s what we’re going to do: Women make the first move. And they’re going to do so in 24 hours or the match disappears, so she feels encouraged to do it.

“Much like Cinderella, if she waits, the carriage is going to turn into a pumpkin.”

Of course, not every woman wants to make the first move, or feels comfortable doing it. “It strikes me as just another thing that we as women have to do,” Meredith Fineman, a digital strategist in Washington, said with some weariness.

GJtm.

And if you’re one of those people who still subscribes to “The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right,” the 1995 self-help book that advised women to act elusive and demure, wait for the guy to make the first move and thus end up with a wedding ring, Bumble may seem radical.

GJtm.

But have we really moved on from the old-school rules of attraction?

Ms. Wolfe thinks technology turned the traditional mating dance into more of a rumble. “I’d read a lot about the psychology around rejection and insecurity, and I had noticed that when people feel insecure or rejected, they behave aggressively, erratically,” she said. “Especially when you can hide behind a screen name or a profile picture. So I thought, how can we reverse-engineer that?”

GJtm.

Her solution: Men have to wait for a woman to reach out — they can’t initiate the conversation — so rather than feeling rejected if a woman doesn’t reply to their pickup line, they feel flattered if she reaches out to pick them up.

Emily Witt, the author of “Future Sex,” which documents her experience as a single person in her 30s trying to understand dating and courtship today, thinks the app helps clear up confusion. “A lot of contemporary dating, a lot of the kind of sense of unease,” Ms. Witt said, “comes from people not knowing how they’re supposed to ask and roles they’re supposed to play, because so many of the dating rituals are so patriarchal. Yet even so, a lot of women are still reluctant to ask a guy out. So I think the revolution of Bumble is taking that uncertainty completely out.”

GJtm.

Ms. Wolfe did not initially plan to change the dating game. She was 23, unemployed and living with her mother when she took a trip to Los Angeles to visit a fellow alumna of Southern Methodist University. The hot water went out, so they went to another friend’s house to use the shower. That friend was Mr. Mateen. That night, they had dinner with his buddy Sean Rad, who was working at a tech incubator owned by IAC, which would eventually become the birthplace of Tinder. He needed someone to run marketing, and Ms. Wolfe was available.

She didn’t have a career plan, exactly, but she had had plenty of jobs. In college, she sold tote bags to raise money for animals affected by the BP oil spill. Later, she volunteered in orphanages in Southeast Asia, excitedly phoning home to tell her parents she was going to start a travel website. “They were like, ‘Can you just focus on not getting malaria?’” she said. After college, she spent a month in a photography program in New York and worked a few odd assistant jobs before moving back in with her mother.

At Tinder, Ms. Wolfe said, she took the app to S.M.U., got sorority women to sign up, then immediately crossed the street to the fraternities and told them all the hot girls were on the app. When she started Bumble, she did much of the same, taking it to universities, signing up college women and assuming — as good marketers do — that where the women went, the men would follow. It was a crowded market, but Bumble now claims 800 million matches and 10 billion swipes per month. It ranks second in top grossing Apple downloads in the Lifestyle category, second only to Tinder.

It was a condition of Ms. Wolfe’s settlement with Tinder that she not discuss its terms. But she made it plain that leaving the company came at considerable cost, not all monetary. Almost overnight, she became what one reporter called the “Gone Girl” of Silicon Valley. To some, she was a heroic survivor of toxic male start-up culture. Others felt that she had manipulated her way to power and that the text messages showed her to be as volatile as any angry ex.

GJtm.

“For a good amount of time I didn’t feel like me,” she said. “And I think eventually my subconscious just said, ‘Go to work. Just go to work.’”

GJtm.

She eventually began working on a social network for teenage girls called Merci, focused on compliments (the tagline: “compliments are contagious”), and it became the basis for Bumble. The Russian entrepreneur Andrey Andreev, of the European dating behemoth Badoo, stepped up to invest.

GJtm.

The company, which now has 35 employees globally (including two former Tinder colleagues), has added Bumble BFF, a matching service for platonic female friendships; is preparing to roll out Bumble Bizz, a networking app; and has acquired Chappy, an app for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people.

All of this expansion, however, has not been without hiccups.

Recently, Bumble introduced a subway campaign in New York that used the slogan: “Life’s short, text him first” — only to realize that not every woman is looking for a him, and some “hims” now identify as “hers” or something else. “We really regretted that,” Ms. Wolfe said, noting that Bumble users will soon be able to choose from a number of gender identities. Now the slogan reads: “Make the first move,” which also happens to be the working title of the memoir-meets-dating guide Ms. Wolfe recently signed up to write for Portfolio, an imprint of Penguin.

GJtm.

The company is also offering webinars for college users in which experts advise on subjects from “how to do your taxes” to “how to recognize sexual assault,” and getting ready to roll out a Siri-like character called Beatrice, which will call you during a date to make sure you’re fine. Ms. Wolfe also said users would soon be able to chat with an on-call gynecologist (her own).

“Look, are we solving the world’s problems by allowing women to make the first move on a dating app? No,” Ms. Wolfe said. “But I do believe we are helping to change some very archaic norms.”

As if on cue, the doorbell rang. It was a delivery man with a bouquet of flowers for Bumble’s head of college marketing, from a guy she had met on the app.

It had been going well — they had been on a half-dozen dates — until her friends found a video of him engaging in a lewd act online. She didn’t want to ghost him. But for the moment, she wasn’t responding to his texts.

GJtm.

With Her Dating App, Women Are in Control was originally published on GLOBAL JOURNAL

[adultingrpg-blog]

《 THE BASICS 》

CHARACTER NAME: Luna Isabel Valdez.

NICKNAMES: Lu, Looney, Valdez, anything else.

AGE/DOB: 23 / January 11th, 1994.

FAMILY DETAILS: Original character.

HOMETOWN: Las Vegas, Nevada.

IDENTIFIES AS: Cis-female, she/her/hers.

ORIENTATIONS: Heterosexual bi-romantic.

SHIPPING: /chem, /forced.

FACECLAIM: Eiza Gonzalez.

OUT OF CHARACTER: Kate, 23, EST, she/her.

SONG CHOICE: Bad At Love - Halsey.

APARTMENT: Grand Court / Apartment 15.

CURRENTLY: Currently strips at a club called Lucky’s while attending University of Chicago Law School.

《 A LITTLE MORE 》

Since Luna was little she always wanted to be a superhero for latinx people just like herself -- which is why she decided to become a lawyer. To fight for them and help them live the best lives they could. Only because she’s been fairly lucky with the life she has.

While Luna might not exactly be a people person, she is a cat person. She adopted a cat when she moved to Chicago, his name is Devil and he lives by his name.

Growing up Luna actually didn’t like her name, until Jasmine talked about how beautiful the moon was, and she decided her name wasn’t so bad after all.

《 NETWORKING 》

@moonbabe: i don’t think anyone has been more ashamed than my doctor when i admitted i eat hot cheetos for breakfast like…everyday

@moonbabe: "do you need a full face of makeup to go grocery shopping?” [photo]

text to [boy toy]: i’m bored. delete my number. :)

last 4 emojis: 🌮 🌙 🖕 🔥

《 PERSONALITY 》

POSITIVE TRAITS: Hardworking, outgoing, adventurous.

NEGATIVE TRAITS: Blunt, stubborn, wary.

《 A LITTLE DEEPER 》

** TW UNDERAGE DRINKING, DRUNK DRIVING, CAR CRASH, MENTIONS OF BIPHOBIA, DEATH **

Luna Isabel Valdez was born in San Ángel, a relatively small city in Mexico. She doesn’t remember anything from living there, mostly because she was two when her parents took her and her sibling to America – hoping they could find better work and give their children a better life. That wasn’t exactly the case when they got there, sure they got lots of work but it was constantly odd jobs that paid okay and at the end of the day it was still barely scraping it for an undocumented family of four.

Luna grew up watching her parents go through hell to raise them, watching her father leave for weeks at a time to go to better paying jobs and watching her mother cry at night because it was so much stress and who knew if he’d make it back. It didn’t exactly help that Luna was the problematic child growing up. There wasn’t really a reason why she acted out and was the wild child, she just was. It was who she was as a person. She constantly wanted all eyes on her and would do anything she had to do to get it. Dancing, singing, doing things she shouldn’t in class. Luna was just constantly bored – that was her answer for why she acted out. But that all changed when a best friend came into the picture.

Luna met Jasmine in the third grade and they instantly became best friends. And while Luna was still a little mischievous, Jasmine was always the level headed one who tried to keep her out of trouble. They were inseparable, honestly. Wherever Luna was, Jasmine was right by her. And vise versa. They had sleepovers every weekend, called each other on the phone almost every night even if they had just seen each other that day, helped each other with outfits, homework, talked about boys. Luna finally had someone who understood what it was like to be different, her being Mexican as well. They had each other for everything. So it wasn’t a surprise when in the 8th grade, while sitting on the porch swing of Jasmine’s house – Jasmine came out to Luna as gay. She liked girls, and had known for a long time. Luna was the first and only person she ever came out to.

Of course Luna accepted her for who she was, no matter what. They were best friends, and Luna would have accepted anybody who was different – especially her best friend. Learning more about sexuality, had Luna thinking a lot about it. The idea started to play in her head that she could be with a girl, maybe. That if they were the right person, and she felt good with them – she could date them. And that was true. She started to imagine herself with her closest girl friends, wondering what it would be like to kiss them, and date them. The one person she thought about that the most with, of course, was Jasmine. And as more time went on, she realized more that she did like guys, and was attracted to them. But if she got to know a girl well enough, she felt the same way she did for guys.

Soon enough, Luna found herself thinking about Jasmine as more than a friend. And that soon turned into a confusing crush that until the tenth grade, had her completely confused about it. During a sleepover one night, Luna confided in Jasmine about how she was feeling. About her sexuality. And she also confessed that she was sure she had feelings for her. She was relieved that Jasmine actually felt the same way. They started secretly dating, since to everyone else they were still in the closet.

It was easy to get away with, seeing as they were best friends and had been long before this ever happened. They were happy, and they were in love. And it was easy for them, as it got closer to them graduating school to plan a future together. To go off to college together, get married, have kids. It was something they wanted badly. But it never happened. The summer after they graduated high school, they had gone to a party to celebrate their new freedom. They had both been drinking, and somewhere along the way – a fight happened. Luna to this day doesn’t really know what it was about, not fully. All she remembers was talking to a classmate and Jasmine getting jealous, and Luna getting defensive and saying she didn’t need to be because she loved her.

It had drawn enough attention that Jasmine panicked and left, saying she was fine to drive even though she clearly wasn’t. Jasmine was supposed to be the level headed one, so Luna let her go – which she still regrets. Luna got a ride home, and was hoping that she’d get a call from her girlfriend once she got back. She was too caught up in her head, upset, that she didn’t even think twice as she saw the ambulances and police racing down the road. But as she drove up her driveway to her parents waiting for her, she knew something was wrong. And her world came crumbling down around her. Jasmine ran a red light, causing an accident – the person in the other car somehow survived, but Jasmine, didn’t.

Between what happened at the party, and Jasmine dying, it forced Luna out of the closet she was so comfortable living in. Most were okay with it, they lived in Las Vegas for crying out loud. But also some weren’t, like her parents. They never outright said anything, because they did love her and how do you tell your daughter you’re ashamed of them when they just lost the person they loved? But they did quietly disagree – which sometimes, Luna thought was worse.

It took a little while for Luna to get back into the swing of dating, Jasmine had been her first relationship and it had been secret. And it had obviously ended horribly. But since then she has dated and seen a good amount of people, but nothing has really ever lasted. She either goes for people who only end up hurting her – or she ends up hurting them. It was easy with Jasmine, with others it’s not. And Luna isn’t a perfect person, she knows that. And can own up to the fact she doesn’t think she could be in a serious relationship because she’ll end up fucking it up if they don’t first.

Luna took a much needed year off before college, needing the time to mourn and also to save up for college. She wanted to become a lawyer, and she knew it would be expensive with her parents not having the money to send her to college. So when Luna was accepted into The University of Chicago, the second she got there she started looking for anything that made decent enough money to support her while she got her education. That’s when she stumbled upon a strip club called Lucky’s. She’s not ashamed that she works there, in fact, she’s happy with the money she makes there. If she wasn’t so determined to become a lawyer, she probably would just continue to do that.

Since graduating, Luna is now attending the law school at The University of Chicago. She’s working hard to make her parents proud, and working hard to be the person she’s supposed to be. Even if that doesn’t come easy for her. She’s struggling just trying to make it as a young adult off on her own. But she hopes that one day she’ll be where she needs to be.