#There's no official version where she's sad about it for a few issues and then everything goes back to normal

[toaarcan]

You ever think about how extremely traumatic the first two arcs of the Archie reboot would've been for all the characters?

They're just living their normal lives, when one day Sonic starts babbling about a completely different history where most of them were in extremely dire straits, and starts using Nicole to overwrite their extant memories with those of the previous universe.

Like, imagine being Sally in that situation. You come home from a dangerous but routine mission to find all your friends acting like you've just come back from the dead. They hand you your computer and suddenly your mind is filled with memories of a much different world to this one, a much darker and more painful one, filled with death and constant betrayal. Your last memories are now filled with weeks of watching your mechanised, vivisected body mindlessly serve your nemesis, and try to kill your friends and family. You were (probably) awake when Eggman carved you up with a blowtorch, while monologuing creepily about how smart you are, right before he crammed a cannon in where your brain should be. You almost died because Eggman designed your new form so badly that you ran out of power on your first mission as his pawn, only to be 'saved' by someone who loved you, and now doesn't exist.

But it's not just that. That would be bad enough. You also remember that this other version of you had a living mother. A mother who loved her and supported her and tried to be there for her. Yours has been dead since you were a child. You're still a child, but you've never felt less like one than you do right now. You had a brother too. He had a wife and a daughter, you had a niece and and a sister-in-law. They're gone. In fact, they're not just gone. They never existed. You have memories of people that never existed. All your friends apparently do. These other versions of them all had families. Here, they're all orphans, except for Rotor, who now remembers a world where his father wasn't an abusive bastard that serves Eggman out of some warped sense of social darwinism, something he can never have in this one.

On the other hand, your father, whom you know as a kind, generous, and reasonable man, was in this other world a controlling, emotionally abusive asshole, a major factor in a massive mental breakdown you endured and struggled with for months on end.

And then shortly afterwards, these memories begin to fade. Maybe you're okay with forgetting Mecha Sally. Maybe you're okay with forgetting that Nigel was ever Maximilian. But now you're also forgetting Alicia and Elias and Megan and Alexis, people who only existed in your memory. You won't remember how many people Eggman killed with the Super Genesis Wave. There will never be justice for them, and in a few short days, you won't even remember their names.

[thessalian]

Thess vs Devs' Intentions

I read an article yesterday (I think it was GameRant) about a whole bunch of stuff that was cut out of Baldur's Gate 3 before official release. I don't remember all of them, but that's probably because they weren't very important to me one way or the other. However, there were a few that, for better or for worse, caught my attention. And ... well, I'm me. Before I start liveblogging the ridiculous cuteness that is the start of the Shadowheart romance (because whatever multiverse she lives in, Alisaie apparently goes for the dark-haired, mostly-serious, adorkable-when-allowing-herself-to-be-vulnerable godly ones), I wanted to talk about a few of them.

Exhaustion Mechanic: Oh dear sweet fucking gods, I'm glad they scrapped that one. Apparently that whole bit where the companions remark how tired they are is a holdover from that, but it used to come with a decrease to stats, just like the exhaustion mechanic in the PHB. Except ... I'm not sure they could have implemented that without it being ridiculously punishing. Encumberance is bad enough; don't hit my stats because I want to keep playing without taking a long rest, okay?

More Crafting Than Just Potions: Apparently at one point they were looking at allowing people to make and enchant their own weapons and armour. This is why you tend to find gems and metal ingots all over the place. While I'm a little sad about the lack of a crafting mechanic, I can see why they left it out - having a herbalism kit in the TTRPG version is one thing, but carrying around a fucking forge is something else again. And at least now I know this, so I can actually sell off the stupid metal ingots (except the infernal iron, obviously) because I don't actually need them.

Minsc: Apparently he should have been introduced earlier in the game, with a much more comprehensive character arc. I'm not sure why they went with the "rushed in Act 3" introduction to him in party, mostly because I haven't got that far yet, but I would imagine it has something to do with party management.

The Entire Upper Level of Baldur's Gate: Apparently there's an entire section of Baldur's Gate the city that was just ... excised from the game. Maybe they didn't have enough time to finish it, or maybe it just made the game too unwieldy, but apparently data mining indicates that there were a few things tied to the upper city that ... well, were really, really important to varoius characters' endgame states. So if you're dissatisfied with some characters' endings? It's probably to do with that. (And I won't go any further because spoilers.)

The Dark Urge: Now, here's the one I look at and really think, "Larian learned some lessons from Divinity: Original Sin 2" as regards player agency and going too far on the grimdark. Because apparently? Originally, the only way you could have an original character was to take the Dark Urge. There was no Tav / Dark Urge divide; if you wanted your own character instead of playing one of the origin characters? You were stuck with the Dark Urge, whether you wanted it or not. Now, don't get me wrong; if someone wants to play that, more power to them. Just, from what I've read about it, it does involve a certain loss of agency dependent on your stats. If you have to resist that Dark Urge, you're going to need saving throws, and if that's your dump stat because you wanted to play a strength-based character, that's just ... yeah. I don't mind the option being there; it's interesting on the conceptual level. I just wouldn't want that to be my only option. So I'm glad that Larian pried themselves out of Grimdark Valley long enough to go, "Okay, some people might not want to spend all their time fighting blind murderfrenzy just to play a good character", and make a separate, non-Dark Urge Tav. I also figure it has something to do with the issues in Divinity: Original Sin 2 where you'd want to take a specific course of action only to have one of your companions slaughter the quest objective before you could talk to them. (Still never forgiving them for that.)

So ... yeah, some things I'm really glad they stripped out. Others I wonder why? And some, while I enjoy them as mechanics (look, I am a crafting fiend, okay?), I can accept that they wouldn't have added much. I guess I wonder the thought processes that were going on in dev meetings where they came to those conclusions. I imagine the Dark Urge thing and the exhaustion mechanic thing both got, "Look, we can't stick them with this; they will riot", but ... what happened to that whole section of Baldur's Gate?

Maybe I've been dealing with too much bullshit from various AAA game companies*, but if they sell that shit as DLC I am going to set something on fire.

* - YES I AM LOOKING AT YOU, BIOWARE, WITH YOUR SELLING OFF THE ACTUAL ENDING AND/OR KEY ELEMENTS REQUIRED TO UNDERSTAND THE NEXT GAME IN THE SERIES AS DLC. I AM NOT FORGIVING YOU FOR LEGACY, AND I AM CERTAINLY NOT FORGIVING YOU FOR TRESPASSER. DLC IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN ADDED EXTRAS, LIKE SOLDIER'S PEAK! YOU USED TO UNDERSTAND THIS, EVEN IF YOU DID STICK A FUCKING AD FOR IT IN CAMP.

[cadybear420]

Cadybear's Reviews- The Haunting of Braidwood Manor

Welcome to the second official Cadybear's Reviews post! Today I'll be talking about The Haunting of Braidwood Manor, which I have ranked on the "Gold Tier" at 8 stars out of a possible 10.

I’ve played this about 4 times. Mainly because I needed the diamonds and this one is 6 chapters, so it’s easy mining. Nevertheless, I quite enjoyed this one. 

The story was pretty linear, but it was interesting and compelling with memorable characters, and it works fairly well as creepy paranormal horror. And a few points do even make me want to cry. However, I do have two nitpicks. Like, how did MC make the connection between her brother’s death and Braidwood Manor? Unless I missed something even after playing the story 4 times, it felt very out-of-nowhere and unexplained. And how come Eleanor is the only one that can be brought back to life but not the rest of the Waverly siblings? That’s not fair at all. But for the most part, those are pretty minor issues. 

It’s also kinda neat that we have a story where the main LI is female while the male LI is sidelined. Actually, I wouldn’t even say Victor is sidelined– he’s straight up a total non-character. I mean, I’m not a fan of sidelining LIs at all, but considering how so many books have treated female LIs now, this one is at least a rare change of pace. And I say this as someone who is very wlm. And I say “wlm” and not “straight” because quite simply, I don’t think I’m really straight. And Eleanor Waverly is one of many female Choices characters who I can thank for helping me realize that. Seriously, it’s super adorable how she’s supposed to be this cold stoic ghost, but then gets really blushy and flustered when you flirt with her. 

Though, as much as I appreciate the sapphic ghost romance taking the full spotlight… this book is rather pointlessly genderlocked. And probably the first ever Choices book that I would deem as such*. I mean, all you’d really need to change is the dialogue in that one set of choice options when Clarissa asks for help writing her letter. 

In the canon version, Clarissa assumes you know how to write letters to guys, and you get an option to say you’re actually into girls, and then she says how she’s cool with it and she considers sapphism very sophisticated if you choose said option. For a playthrough where you’ve chosen a male MC, she could maybe assume that you’d know what guys like to hear from girls, you could get an option to say you’re actually into guys, and she’d say it’s very sophisticated if you choose said option. Easy as that.

And as far as I’m concerned, Eleanor is only canon sapphic and not lesbian (but do correct me if I’m wrong). THOBM, I am sad that you are the start of the pointless genderlocking trend /jk

*Technically ROE is the first Choices book I could consider pointlessly genderlocked, but I’m a little more uncertain on that because there’s a handful of scenes that would need tricky coding changes such as the bachelorette party/girls night scenes. Or even before that is TFS, but I’m also a bit dubious about calling it pointlessly genderlocked because Kaitlyn is a lesbian and has a whole arc revolving around her coming out about it to her parents– but people have said that aside from Kaitlyn, the story and MC are very gender neutral, so do with that what you will. There’s also LH, but I’ll say my thoughts on its genderlocking in its own review.

So it didn’t have anything that really wowed me, but it’s still a great story that holds a very special place in my heart.

[jokersmeowmeow]

Apex Legends - affection hcs <333

Yooo y'all, I'm sorry I've been absent for quite a looong time, BUT I've been busy and unfortunately I still am, so here I can offer You some hcs with our lovely legends to recompensate my inactivity :3

Mirage:

Soft. Softer. THE SOFTEST!!!

Mirage is the most touch-starved person You've ever seen, but how can You possibly mind? He is an angel <333

He may make an impression of a laid-back alvaro, but he's actually really anxious about what he can and can't do with You - You have to state Your boundaries clear.

After You do this, he is STILL unsure about everything and in need of constant reassurance if this is okay if he touches You like this or kisses like that, but that only adds to his cuteness.

Simple gestures are able to melt him completely, just cup his face and tell him You love him, kiss the tip of his nose, nuzzle against him, and he'll be all Yours, almost in tears.

He longs for such affection and reciprocates every single act of it; for instance, he adores hugging You from behind randomly and hide his face in the crook of Your neck to breathe in the smell of Yours and feel the velvet softness of Your skin.

His growth brushing against Your neck tickles You and hence causes You to giggle - listening to Your laugh soothes him totally.

He does his best to complement You, as he thinks You deserve it and he regards You as the most perfect person he's met, even more perfect than him ;DDD (seriously, because he really thinks that, he's gonna boast about You being his lady all the time so that the whole world shall know You're a couple)

B U T

He's bad with words, we know that. Stuttering ruins and at the same time makes everything more adorable when it comes to Mirage

"Oooh sweety, You look so so extrard-ext-extraordrin... Just amazing, You look amazing..."

His face turns blood red in seconds, but to be honest with You, that's the moment in which You want to spread kisses all over his face the most.

After a long day apart, prepare for being trapped in a makeahift cage of his arms and arms of his decoys.

He just runs to You excitedly with his arms spread widely, wraps them around You, and then You feel more and more of them snaking here and there. He missed You and can't imagine not exposing his longing for You to You.

He tries to do his best in Your relationship, he really does, but his anxiety hidden under the veneer of pride tells him he isn't enough for You, so talk to him about that, learn him how to cope with feelings and not be ashamed of them; he'll be more than thankful, nothing solves problems better than honest conversation.

Moreover, after a hard "psychology session", he enjoys sharing a hot, steamy shower with You.

He rests his forehead against Yours and closes his eyes; now You can see him as himself, no pretending, no fake confidence, no armor, just his bare body, naked mind and boiling water streaming down Your chests and backs.

Bangalore:

This woman. She is tough. She has no weak spots... Apart from You.

She casually looks as if she was ready for murder, but when she looks at You, she immediately softens.

You're like pain killers to her; You calm her down in split seconds and it's amazing to watch her features soothe, one of the corners of her lips travel up in a delicate, hardly noticeable smile.

She isn't an affectionate kind of person, especially in front of the others, but she is more than glad to receive affection from You.

She gives the best bear hugs and let me tell You, the feeling of the warmth of her muscular, womanly body, the plush of her breasts and hard abdomen... It's irreplacable.

She doesn't say it out loud then, but You can perfectly sense how devoted to Your relationship she is, she confesses her loyalty to You with her whole form embracing Your own.

One of her favourite moments during the day are early mornings; she usually wakes up just before dawn while You're still deeply asleep. Then, she can adore Your peaceful face looming up from under the duvet and graced with first golden rays of sunlight finding their way to Your bedroom through the window.

Before she leaves, careful not to wake You up, she watches You for a while and tries to picture this beautiful view in her mind precisely and keep there for the rest of the day.

She kisses Your forehead gently and silently gets out of the room, one last time glancing at You behind her back from above her shoulder before shutting the door.

She's keen to talk to You about everything and she's beyond recognition then; You can talk to her about everything and nothing, starting from Your own serious issues and ending on exchanging some girlish gossips.

Whatever topic You throw on her, she's always willing to not only listen to You, but also actively partakes in the conversation.

During such talks, she really does enjoy having her arm wrapped around You whilst You're resting against her on the couch.

She'll most probably be caressing Your shoulder with her thumb without even realizing it.

Your laugh causes her to laugh widely, which is a wonderful chain reaction as she rarely smiles on her own.

I must mention jealousy here; Bang hates seeing someone flirting with You.

Her face lines turn even sharper, she grits her teeth not to let herself lose control over her emotions.

But if she has enough, she'll most certainly approach You two steadily, pull You to her side and glare deadly at the motherfucker daring to flirt with You as if she was looking at a pathetic pile of horseshit.

It's likely she'll warn them to fuck off before she shoves a granade up their ass.

I know this is amusing and boosts Your ego, but spare her nerves, she just can't lose You and wants to be the best version of herself for You.

Pathinder:

Cinnamon roll made of metal.

He loves everyone as friends and because, unlike the most of the others, You actually reciprocate his affection, he WORSHIPS You in particular.

He's a hug-person, that's why often he forgots how painful it is when he wraps his arms a little too tightly around You.

When You politely tell him to let You go and state why, he's a trembling mess.

He asks You questions whether he harmed You, made You uncomfortable and if You're okay. Reassure him everything's okay, please, all he wants is to make You feel loved and appreciated.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so, so sorry, friend... Can I get a second chance? I promise I won't be uncomfortable anymore" 👉👈

You can't say "no" to him; he hugs You much more tenderly, he's calculating his every move when he slowly embraces You again.

He may be boxy and angular, but the metal he's build of is pleasantly warm, or at least it seems like it because of Path in general.

You press Your hands to his back and cheek to his chest, and when You open Your eyes, pink light radiating from the screen on his torso blinds You as a large, smiley face with heart-eyes appears on it.

This causes You to giggle, and then him; You two could stay like this for eons, him resting his head on the tip of Yours and just, laughing innocently like little children.

He's the number one comforter, this needs to be said. Whenever You feel blue, Path emerges near You out of nowhere and is ready to give his best to You.

His arm is instantly around You; he takes You somewhere peaceful and quiet, probably to Your bedroom, and sits You gently on the edge of Your bed.

He kneels in front of You, palming Your hands on Your knees and looking up at Your sorrow face.

"Hey, I don't like it when You're sad, it makes me sad, too. Path is here for You, and will be even when they break me apart. That'd be even better! There would be more of me to listen to You!"

His positivity, even in the darkest of times, is able to lift anyone's spirits in a flash.

While venting Your disappointment, anger, helplessness and other damaging emotions on him, he listens to You letting Your words sink in his mind and brushes single tears flowing down Your swollen cheeks every now and then with his thumb.

Surprisingly, he's more gentle than any man build of flesh, You wouldn't recognize whether it's the touch of his robotic fingers or soft human hands if You didn't know him.

He a l w a y s manages to make You laugh somehow, You actually don't even notice when Your mood changes from gloomy and suicidal to amused and happy.

"Low-five?" he asks, still crouching and showing his flat hand to You, so that You can give him low "high-five" and begin Your day again, but better.

Octane:

Speedy boi only You are able to slow down.

There's a significant spark of rivarly burning between You and keeping Your relationship sufficiently heated.

And that's why You enjoy competitive video games; You sit on the couch next to each other and follow the flying controllers in Your hands.

At some point You begin to interrupt each other's playing not only virtually, but in real life as well.

He nudges You with his elbow and You give it back by shoving Your smaller form towards him with the maximal strength.

Finally, You put the game aside and You start wrestling; it looks a little brutal, but You both know it's just fun.

You roll down from the sofa and fall on the floor, Your limbs tangled together, You two laughing and screaming at each other; an adorable picture of the pair of energetic fireballs.

You don't even care whether anybody remarks on Your playful joshing, at most You just stop for few seconds and simultaneously snap at them.

Then, You continue what You've started and what I must state here is the fact that Octane isn't merciful. He comes up with an idea of tickling.

You can't even attempt to grab his hand and stop him, he is already faster than You and he knows EXACTLY where to touch You to make You double up with laughter.

Only when he pins You to the ground by Your wrists and You officially give up, he lets You go, proud of his success.

He loves sneaking behind You and picking You up randomly during the day, making You shriek and swear in surprise.

He loves it when You swear at him in spanish, especially if it's him who taught You his native language.

You sometimes do this on purpose just to see him staring at You blankly.

He's also more than glad to give You piggyback; having You pressed against his back and giggle in his ear is pure bliss, what man wouldn't love that?

He may start spinning around or run with You on his back so be prepared, he's unpredictable, especially when excited, even without drugs.

Last, but not least, if You manage to somehow calm him down and sit him still, when You're snuggling against his side, he gets flustered by the view of Your leg caressingly sliding up and down his prosthesis.

"Ah, hermosa, eres mi mejor droga."

Fuse:

The daddiest daddy among all the daddies in the world. Lucky You!

He's the type of man loyal to You to the grave and he's more than pleased to show it; he rarely leaves Your side, places his hand on Your hip or loosely embraces Your shoulders with his arm.

He subtly establishes the boundaries of reciprocal contact between You and someone who might be potentially interested in You, but he's not possessive. This man doesn't lack finesse if he wants.

You kindle the flame of artistic creativity within him, thus he writes songs for You; he loves singing them and playing his guitar for You later.

He may forget to go on with the lyrics if You start swaying to the rhythm of his music. He knows You do this to purposely tease him and test his patience, but he's prepared for losing all of his attention divisibilty.

Focusing his gaze on Your effortless, wanton moves is enough to make his day.

When he's done playing, he expects appreciation with words ("Aaand? How was it, m'lady, eeh?") and with actions (he usually pokes his cheek and awaits well-deserved kiss).

For the first time, You fell for his little trick he pulled on You; when You were going to place a kiss on his cheek in rewarding gesture, he lightly grabs You by Your chin and makes You kiss him on his lips.

After that incident, every time You reward him, You intentionally "fall" for these tricks of his or it's You who pulls him for the kiss first.

You two giggle into each other's mouths and wordlessly swear to make that little game Your own ritual.

Often, when the situation gets heated, he finds his way to Your neck and the touch of his rough mustache on Your delicate skin sends shivers down Your spine - he loves it when Your throat vibrates because of Your sirenic chuckle.

You adore joking together; he's the master of pun and dad jokes, hence You two sometimes get trapped in a vicious circle of laughter.

Then, You just lean against each other and laugh so hard tears start flowing down Your cheeks, especially when each of You tell new jokes, funnier and funnier than previous ones.

Of course, You two enjoy a good, old game of poker, too; You sit opposite each other on the bed, legs crossed, and try so hard not to snort while glancing at each other's pokerfaces.

He attempts to distract You, make You laugh, cheat and make this card game the most ridiculous it only can be and You hit back, obviously.

If he wins, You throw cards in the air and make him pay for it; You jump on him, but he's quick to incapacitate You by lying his bulky body on Yours so that You have to haul Yourself up from under him to catch a breath.

If You win, it pretty much ends in the same way.

[tomtenadia]

Remember Us - part 6

Monday surprise!

As some of you might have read from my post from yesterday, I officially finished this fic and it will have 10 parts. this was the original plan and I am glad I kept it. The idea of having many more chapters of Rowan not recognising his family was far too painful.

Chapter 9 and 10 are so sweet that they will probably give you cavities, but I just thought they deserved the best happy ending.

Also, i got very attached to Thomas and he is a great fan of his parents.

Well, I hope you will enjoy this.

-------

Rowan had been staying at Lorcan’s while Aelin still kept her distance. It had been two weeks and they had been horrendous. She had blocked him off of her life. She was not answering his calls or texts and apparently had told Elide not to tell him anything about her. He was furious. They should be together and face such a tragic moment in their lives, together. But Aelin would not listen. He had tried everything to talk to her.

Someone knocked on the door and, since he was home alone, he went to open it.

On the other side he found Aelin. But the woman in front of him had a lifeless stare and deep shadows under her eyes. She was the ghost of his wife.

“Ro…” she said in a thin voice and then broke down in heavy sob.

Rowan didn’t even think. His arms pulled her at his chest and kissed her head. The sight of an Aelin so heartbroken was a shot to his heart.

“I am sorry.” She added, hiding her face in his chest and inhaling his scent that always gave her comfort.

“Shhh… I am here. I am never letting you go again, no matter how much you shout at me.” Another tender kiss “I am coming home and we’ll get through this.”

Rowan was in bed and staring at the ceiling after the dream woke him up. The Aelin from the dream was a shell compared to the version sleeping at his side. He turned his head and stared at her sleepy face and a deep part of him hoped she was fine. That the baby was fine. Because he knew for sure he didn’t want to see her again in the conditions she had been in the dream. Seeing Aelin in pain or sad hurt him.

He sighed and got off the bed and walked to the kitchen but once he got there he realised he had no idea where anything was. Aelin had said he would make pancakes but could not remember the day she had said. 

A splitting headache hit him and Rowan sat down on the sofa, head in his hands and then for a moment he felt disoriented and could not recognise his surroundings. Panic hit him. He looked up and saw a boy staring at him. He jumped up and almost fell.

“Dad.” The boy’s voice was almost tearful.

And as quickly as the moment of disorientation came, just as rapidly it went away and lucidity returned.

“Tom,” he ran to the boy and hugged him to console him as soon as he started crying. He had scared him “I am sorry I frightened you.” Thomas hugged his father and stopped crying and Rowan relaxed for an instant.

“Do you want pancakes?” He asked his son, still not letting him go.

“It’s not Saturday.” Said the boy, looking at his father in his eyes.

“Shhhh…” said Rowan with a finger against his mouth “You can have pancakes all the time.” He lifted the boy in his arms “but you need to tell me where everything is.”

Thomas grinned and pointed to the kitchen and once in there he started pointing at the doors and Rowan finally found a pan. Then he grabbed his phone and searched for a recipe, grabbed eggs and milk from the fridge and joined Thomas back at the counter who, in the meantime, had grabbed a chair and was kneeling on it so he could follow his dad.

“Will you be my assistant?” the boy nodded eagerly.

After ten minutes he was mixing the batter making sure it was smooth as the instructions recommended.

“Ok, Tom, are you ready for the first one?”

“Pancakes,” he shouted happily and Rowan smiled. He might remember a very few things about his son but he was definitely going to cherish that moment. It didn’t matter if it had been only a day. He was already in love with the two children. He just hoped he could become a good father to them once again.

*

Aelin woke up and found the bed empty and for a moment she thought it had been only a dream, but as she rolled over she noticed Rowan’s side was crumpled and gently caressed his pillow. He had always been an early riser and it seemed that some things had not changed.

She sat up, grabbed her fleece from the chair and left the bed looking for Rowan.

As she exited the bedroom she heard laughter coming from the kitchen and followed the sounds and once inside she could not believe the scene. Thomas was kneeling on a chair beside Rowan trying to cook something.

“Pancakes on a Wednesday?”

Thomas turned to her “shhh mum, it’s a secret.”

Aelin walked to her son and kissed his head “good morning, my love.”

“I am helping dad with pancakes. He doesn’t remember how to make them.”

Rowan flipped one and Thomas clapped “that is mine.” He grabbed a plate and placed the pancake on it “go and sit while I make more.”

Thomas climbed down the chair and walked to the table with his plate.

Aelin moved to Rowan’s side “did you sleep well?”

Her husband nodded and hesitated for a moment wether to tell her about his episode. Then he sighed and told her what had happened and Aelin looked at him with a doctor’s eye.

“A TBI can have such effects. It can cause moments of disorientation in which the person doesn’t know where he is. It can also affect short term memory, making it difficult to learn new things or even remember things you just did.” She placed a few more pancakes in Thomas’ plate “but there are ways to help you. We can do lists, have notepads and clipboards in the house. Have a note book and note down things.” She explained going back at his side “long term memory is stored already in your brain,” and playfully patted his head “you actually haven’t lost them. They are still all there. It’s just your brain has to sort through them again. It’s very complicated and technical, but they will come back. Short term memory is another issue. Do you still feel confused?”

Rowan shook his head and passed Aelin a plate with pancakes and then grabbed the jar of Nutella “go and scoff your breakfast.”

Aelin grinned “see? You remembered I take them with Nutella.”

In that instant they heard a cry and Aelin realised Freyja had woken up. She was about to stand when Rowan stopped her “Eat,” he commanded and again she had a glimpse of past Rowan. The one who would made sure she ate.

A moment later he came back with his daughter in his arms “I think our princess wants to join the breakfast club as well.” Freyja threw her chubby arms around his neck, snuggling close to him “what does she eat?”

Aelin went to the fridge and grabbed one of her pressed meals and Rowan began feeding his daughter.

It was an hour later when Aelin was ready for work “mum should be back very soon and I am taking Thomas to the nursery. Will you be okay with Freyja for half an hour tops? I changed her and she is fed, it should be easy.”

Rowan lifted the little girl in his arms “we should be fine.” And gave her his best reassuring smile.

“You call me if you have any problems.”

Thomas went to hug his dad before following Aelin out of the door.

Once he was alone with his daughter he stood, with her still in his arms and hobbled around the living room and stared at their impressive bookcase. Freyja leaned forward and with her hands tried to grab a book “ ‘tory” she babbled.

“Do you want me to read you a story?” He asked her and the girl green eyes were fixed on him and then she nodded.

He placed her down on the carpet and turned to the library in search of a storybook for her.

“I think I— ” he turned with a book in his hands and froze. Freyja was gone. Shit.

“Freyja.” He called her, panic rising in his voice. She couldn’t have gone far. How fast could a 18 months toddler go? He took his cane and started looking around the house “Freyja?”

In that instant Evalin came back and he breathed in relief.

“Rowan, are you okay?”

He was the worst father ever “I lost Freyja. I was looking for a storybook and when I turned she was gone.” He was preparing himself from some lashing from his mother in law but the woman burst into laughter.

“She does that. Thomas has been teaching her how to play hide and seek,” the woman explained calmly walking around the house and then going to the girl’s bedroom. Rowan followed her.

Evalin lifted the blanket from the side of the bed and pointed at under her bed.

Rowan heard a faint giggle.

“I wonder where my girl is.” Said Evalin keeping up the pretence. She opened the wardrobe “no, she is not here.” Rowan observed her and then joined in “she is not in the toy box either.”

Evalin placed her hands on her hips and grinned at Rowan then crouched down “here you are.”

The little girl screamed in delight as her grandma caught her.

The three of  them went back to the living room and Evalin passed Freyja back to Rowan and went to unpack her shopping bags.

“Do you need a hand?” He offered.

“No, it’s just fruits and veggies and a few more things. I love to go down at the market in the morning and buy fresh ingredients.” She told him, “you love to go too on your day off, wake up early and also go to the fish market and get the first catch.”

Rowan sat on a chair at the big table with his daughter in his arms.

“Aelin can cook, but you are the chef of the family.”

He smiled back and gently bounced Freyja on his knee and she giggled.

“How does it feel being back home?” She asked her son in law while stashing away the groceries.

Rowan sighed “it feels good and strange at the same time.” It was hard to explain how he felt without sounding like a lunatic “Some things are starting to feel familiar. But others feel totally new and others scare me.” He confessed but the woman in front of him looked at him with tenderness “the kids for example, I feel like I love them madly already but it pains me that the memories with them are still fuzzy. I want to give them back their father.”

“And Aelin?”

Rowan sighed “I think I feel something for her. I would not call it love yet. But yesterday we kissed and it felt like the most normal thing ever.”

Evalin smiled.

“But my memories are a jumble in my head right now. I have them, they are there and I found that being at home is triggering more and more of them. I want to do this. I want us to be a family again.” He grabbed his phone and showed her the photo on his home screen. The one on the beach, all of them smiling and happy. “I want this again. I just don’t know how to get there.”

“Rowan,” Evalin walked to him once done with the groceries and sat at his side “you have been awake for a month and at home for two days.” She patted his knee “both Aelin and I think that being home will help trigger more of your memories. Look through photo albums.” She stood and opened a cabinet and took out a box which once opened he discovered it contained a lot of photo albums. “Digital is good, but you and Aelin both love to print out the photos and make scrapbooks.” She rummaged in the box for a moment and then passed him an album “start with this.”

Rowan took it and it noticed it was their wedding album “Her friend Chaol took all the photos and then Aelin made a scrapbook and added notes and comments on it. She said she did not want the usual boring wedding album.”

He opened the first page and in big colourful letter and nice calligraphy it said Buzzard & Fireheart: the beginning of an epic tale.

The second page it had a picture of the two of them in an armour, back to back and swords drawn.

“You two hired some costumes for that photo.”

Rowan laughed and kept on flipping through the photo album. It was organised like a story, with small narrating paragraphs near the photos and he read each one of them.

“You two got married on a beach, then had a gigantic barbecue for all your friends and then when night came you lit a bonfire and had your first dance as husband and wife in front of the fire. Both of you barefoot.”

Rowan smiled “it sounds like fun.”

“It was a great day.” She bounced Freyja on her lap “all the albums tell a story. You did all of them like that so when looking back you could also remember more of those moments.”

Rowan reached the page where they were standing in front of Aedion, who officiated the wedding, and he stared at Aelin. Her light blue dress was gorgeous, but he was stuck on her smile. In the photo he was looking at she has the brightest of smiles and he realised that falling for her would be so easy. She was caring, brilliant, funny and sarcastic. She had passion. She had fire.

She was his Fireheart.

[an-eldritch-peredhel]

Urusalirë (copper-song)

For @tolkienocweek Day 2: Family Members

Urusalirë (she/they) is Mahtan’s partner and Nerdanel’s other parent. The pair are in a QPR and married because it was more convenient and neither of them minded. They’re one of the reasons Mahtan gets his epessë “Urundil” (copper-lover/friend) besides loving the material itself.

Art notes: Those clover-sigils on her shirt? Took me forever to decide on them. I did a full colored version as well for the background but decided it looked too busy. I think I figured out a way to draw ✨treelight✨ in eyes, the star-pupil eye shine+glow. And speaking of eyes: yes I have her radial heterochromia, no I'm not ashamed.

Overall they’re a fairly lighthearted, cheerful, friendly person, and very chill compared to most of pre-Darkening Valinor. Urusalirë doesn’t possess the typical Noldorin form of crazy (PASSION! Make things for 3 days straight! Disagree with me and taste my blade! Food/sleep is for the weak!) and tends more towards “feral, possibly nocturnal, can’t settle on one hobby for more than a month, always busy but no one knows where/with what? disappears and reappears at random, are they a person or an Entity???” She has informed me that this is because they’re a Noldo by assimilation/ adoption, and their birth family were Tatyarin Avari. Of her grandchildren, Caranthir looks the most like her, and Maglor most takes after their personality (see: beach cryptid Sad-lor).

Officially, they’re a copper-smith “by day”. One of her adopted parents worked in a forge, which is how she and Mahtan met. They took one look at him and went “I’m gonna friend that.” She hung around the forge to talk to him so much that they got pretty good, but she isn’t passionate about it. Mostly, she focuses on everyday things to make and repair, which in Valinor means they aren’t often in high demand, so they have time to experiment with other hobbies. “By night” they enjoy singing and have a small but cult following. It’s one of the few things that’s kept her interest throughout their life (the others being socializing and stargazing, though she can’t do that in Aman pre-Darkening), but she doesn’t want to do it professionally.

Before everything goes Wrong, Fëanor ends up very close to his in-laws because Mahtan was his mentor, and Urusalirë took one look and instantly vibed with him (they do that a lot). She doesn’t become a mother figure (mommy-issues) but he goes to her when he needs advice about stuff he doesn’t want to be logical about. They end up being one reason Fëanor and Fingolfin’s relationship doesn’t deteriorate beyond repair pre-Melkor. They’re good with people, which means she can figure out what’s up and then tell him in a way that he doesn’t immediately dismiss their advice, unlike Mahtan. If it weren’t for Fëanor and Nerdanel’s big fallout, they probably would have gone along to Beleriand with him at Urusalirë’s urging.

She's an extrovert with a huge social circle, but despite having an abundance of friends, there are very few people they feel close enough to have a deep, sincere friendship with- though they’re perfectly happy with those who don’t realize this and assume their closeness is reciprocated in her. This is the result of an event while they were still in Cuivienen involving a spy of Morgoth, a much younger and looser-lipped Urusalirë, and her (dead) brother. It takes a lot for them to legitimately dislike a person, but one of the easiest ways is by hurting her family in some way. This makes Nerdanel and Fëanor’s separation especially heartbreaking for her, because they really did count him as family but they have to side with her daughter.

After the Darkening/Flight/Exile she becomes serious, approaching on grim. The majority of their friends and family are gone, and Tirion is near-empty. No one has the light-heartedness they used to, but those that went on the Great Journey have at least some idea of what the exiles are getting into. Her songs become significantly darker and bitter- she doesn't like the people trying to pretend nothing is wrong while vilifying the exiles, and though they don't blame the Valar it’s clear the trust there is gone.

They’re the only one of their remaining family to join the War of Wrath, since she and Mahtan agree that he should stay with Nerdanel. Hypothetically, they shouldn’t be involved in the fighting often, as she joined up as a smith. In practice, that doesn’t end up happening. Fortunately, they find killing orcs very cathartic. Unfortunately, she ends up dying in the end stages of the war. Fortunately, Mandos’ therapist skills have improved significantly with all the practice, and the Halls give her some much-needed rest and closure. They return relatively quickly, though not quick enough to be ahead of everyone else’s return and the list of the dead. They have a very emotional reunion with their family, and then settle into a routine that lasts until the very beginning of the fourth age, when Celebrimbor is reembodied.

[artreider]

Station 19 rewatch: 4x14

Going to try to do another rewatch before my family wakes up. We have a lot to do today and there is a dark cloud over the house after loaing our cat this week. Here's hoping i can get through one of my favorite episodes before they get up.

Surrera is so cute here and the whole food thing, like girl where is our payoff on this baby that was so clearly teased. Or is there another medical condition that could be blamed on her excessive eating.

Im so glad maya and andy are friends again. I loge their friendship.

I'm glad andy acknowledges that getting married doesnt fix things; but i worry that if maya and carina hit a rough patch, andy will remind maya of this conversation or use her own issues with sullivan and their marriage as an i told you so.

Danielle is beautiful but does anyone else think she lost weight, random question but just looking at her in her uniform there she seems smaller and it worries me. Didnt really notice last time i watched this episode but am i alone in this.

Oh carina baby you so dont want to go. I just want to hug you.

Jack is so cute, he deserves a family so much but i really do fear he'll be killed off.

Im surprised ben reached out to Sullivan instead of dean.

I love this outfit on maya. Carina your girl is flirting with you and thinking of happier times, engage with her.

I love that maya opens up with carina about her dad and the protests and the happenings in the world with him. It shows so much growth and im here for it. Also anyone else annoyed that one carina answered gabriella's phone call when maya is opening up to her and two that she didnt turn it off for their last few hours together.

The look of like disappointment/devestation on maya's face when carina answers the call and walks away from her is too much hurt.

So sad that bailey isnt there and that ben is alone for even a second of this.

I'm glad andy and sullivan came to be there with ben. Like i get why they wanted andy but im sad after ben and Dean's episode dean wasnt there.

Oh jack, i dont even know what to say besides oh jack lol.

The drama with trash girl is too much lmao. I know its important for jack/inara but its just too much.

Carina packing up her knives being a trigger for maya like she's leaving forever is heartbreaking.

Carina snapping at maya hurts, dont be mean to baby. Also the kitchen sign is totally carina's doing and though she hadnt confided in maya yet that she is her home its a dead giveaway.

I really need screen grabs of the changing words on the sign.

The kids talk, the coming out talk and the marriage talk are all things that should not be done while packing or doing anything else.

Wait it totally sounded like she said "it felt pregnant" lmao or i just have babies on the brain.

Now carina being flirty and maya not reciprocating.

Maya you shouldve pushed the marriage talk now if it was what you really wanted. Instead of letting carina drop the i never wanted to get married bomb and walk away.

Andy and ben together, this friendship is beautiful. I feel like it took several seasons for ben to really get in good the team. Im trying to think of other moments besides the prt support and such when he really connected with folks before this season and none come to mind. He has been an outlier from my memory, tell me im wrong with examples please.

Lmao "you slept with my wife which means we are in a pod", things a pandemic makes funny.

Thats just wrong, giving gibson shit still. Dont hit the puppy with the newspaper when he's doing nothing wrong.

Once again with gabriella, seriously carina turn off your phone and be present with maya and maya alone.

Maya's jealousy is everything. This argument ugh, so good and just the tip of the iceberg.

I hope that maya does take the month break and the months after to really get to know the us immigration system and what it will take for carina to become an american citizen as well as learn more italian. I dont need her fluent but id love to see her use some italian with carina. She lost her brother who she spoke to in her native tongue itd be nice for her to gain that in her wife.

I love how carina stops herself as she raises her voice at maya, like she realizes it may be triggering to maya. I really do think the show and actresses put in a lot in this episode to show how well they know each other and have grown. I feel like they talk more even if we dont see it and maya is working on her issues with carina's love and support. I also do love how this argument ends though ;)

Once again maya opening up and finally carina is there and not sidetracked. And its nice carina opens up as well.

Ben's dream with the different versions of himself and his mom is funny and heartbreaking.

Joey in the dream lmao.

The nice thing about ben is if he gets hurt on the job and cant be a firefighter anymore he has other professions to fall back on.

Oh jack. I just want you to get your happy ending.

I still think its so weird to be talking about jack after they had sex but im glad they are in a place that is so comfortable and can laugh about him.

Once again another bomb dropped, kids. This is something that needs to be discussed properly.

Oh maya dont drop the marriage bomb like that. And i guess i dont underatand the outrage of the "just because", like why would carina think it was anything but that when it was dropped on her like that and after she said she didnt want to get married. This fight is so much about misunderstandings and hurtful comments.

I get how maya's fear gets the best of her here especially after carina said they just moved in together because they didnt want to be apart (asif that is a bad thing) and it was bureaucracy.

And i can understand why maya's fear hurts carina but they both needed to take a minute to breathe and try to talk it out.

I do like when carina tells maya to breathe, again like she knows her triggers and feels maya is on the verge of a panic attack.

If carina felt she married maya when she moved in i really dont see the harm in making it official. Would her having been moved out in italy for 6 months or more have felt like a divorce. I really need to know more about her logic here.

I agree why not just do it.

You've both said enough carina. I hate that she just walks away, so un carina like.

How did jack end up at the hospital? Was he called or what?

Andy is such a good friend this episode, checking on everyone.

Gabriella is so right noone wants to be proposed to the way maya kind of did. Like i cant help but wonder how carina would've taken a true proposal.

Im so glad gabriella spoke some truth to carina and turned her around on the marriage idea.

If we let the wrong decisionss rule how we live our lives things in the world would be so different. Less babies possibly and fewer marriages among other things.

Once again andy being a good friend this episode.

If carina hadnt shown up im curious what maya's next move wouldve been after talking to andy.

Love the proposal and love how its carina who announces they are getting married.

[perfectlymarilynmonroe]

Hi! I’m sorry for not being able to phrase this question differently, but i’ve always been confused by how the end/last few years of Marilyn’s life are sometimes described as her spiraling deeper and deeper into depression and substance abuse (some even claim alcoholism) and sometimes it’s said that she was doing almost better than ever by the time of her death.

I realize that she was doing quite poorly in 1960, around Misfits and her divorce, but would you say that her life and overall health got better in -61 or -62?

I just can’t stop thinking about her quote about Montgomery Clift being the only person doing worse than her.

Hi! This question requires a lengthy response and I hope you forgive me.

It definitely depends on the source and the time in her life. As we all do, she absolutely fluctuated over that time. After all, two and a half years is a long time and so much can happen in change in that time.

Personally, I think 1961 was a confusing year for her. It reminds me of a more struggling version of 1955. In 1955, though she still suffered with depression, anxiety, insomnia, and took pills for relief, she had a much clearer vision of herself. She had a list of things she wanted to achieve and flourished in her new life in New York. She was conquering a new and frightening journey, but her feet steady on the ground.

In 1961, she was lost. She flew back and forth between New York and Los Angeles trying to find a place she felt she belonged. Arthur was out of her life and Joe was back in. She struggled with being divorced with no children. She was ill with issues regarding her gall-bladder, was institutionalized, and didn't know what friends to turn to. She had her New York friends, but some of them were mutuals with Arthur, and her friends in Los Angeles were somewhat *new*; she was a guest, rather than a partaking member (if that makes sense). I think her battle with "who am I, where do I want to be, who are my friends, what do I want," in 1961 ultimately helped her strength in 1962.

During her last few months, those around her like her makeup artist, Allan Snyder, her publicist, Pat Newcomb, masseur and chauffeur, Ralph Roberts, colleagues at Twentieth Century Fox (her stand-in, co-stars, director), noticed some sadness, but hope behind her words and actions. Her therapist was very controlling and intrusive - hiring her a housekeeper who reported things back to him - and those like Roberts and Newcomb commented that she knew her therapist was more detrimental than helpful to her mental health. She was looking to the future differently.

She had negotiated plans with Fox that included a one-million dollar contract deal for two films, had a new house she enjoyed decorating, had officially asked to join the Actors Studio, a trip planned with friend Norman Rosten for benefit planned that September, and more.

I think her mental and physical health was on its way to a recovery. Sometimes, however, it can look that way on the outside, but a war is happening inside. Marilyn was an example of that throughout most of her life. She was mixing alcohol with her pills during her last few years, but mostly for sleep purposes. Her insomnia was only getting worse and she was desperate to find some relief. That's a simple truth that can't be twisted and turned, but sadly has. She just wanted sleep. Was she "abusing" pills or an "alcoholic"? I personally don't think so, but since I wasn't there.

A wonderful book entitled "Marilyn: Her Life in Her Own Words" was published by photographer George Barris in 1995 that helps get a sense of her over-all health. They were planning to release an autobiography and all of her words were some of her last. They were in the weeks leading up to her death and that, along with her interview with Life magazine, published August 3rd, 1962, are great sources to get a sense of her state of mind around that time. Of course, she knew a lot of it would be made public and I'm sure withheld some things.

Those who spoke with her during her final weeks and months sensed nothing but hope coming from her. She knew she was a work in progress, but believed in herself she could continue to heal.

I really hope this answered your questions. As I mentioned, when it comes to her final weeks, months, and years, a lengthy response is hard to avoid. Haha.

<3

[scandeniall]

cause u were my baby

pairing: atsumu x (implied black)f!reader (ur Aran’s sister but if u wanna imagine youre adopted go ahead no physical descriptors)

summary/warnings: honestly just based off my boo by usher. ur life around atsumu over the years (from kids to adults)/implied nsfw at the end when ur adults, bad words, thats it./timeskip spolier 

a/n: format might be weird because i was initially doing these as headcanons but kept going and it changed. also also started with a sakusa version based on this song so um tune in next whenever i finish it oop-

wc:4.4k 

It started when we were younger, you were mine 

You’re not exactly sure when you’d met Atsumu. It seemed like he was always around. From the first day Aran came home trailing two considerably shorter twins behind him you’d been intrigued. 

“Aran you never told us ya had a sister!” When they found out your name and exclaimed how cool it was there was no way you could’ve predicted your future. 

Eventually it became a tiny school girl crush, on one of them as kids (you couldn’t quite tell them apart for the longest). You’d be overly happy whenever Aran brought them around, and always asked to tag along with him, but only when he mentioned he’d be seeing the twins. 

You’d watched over the years as your brother only grew closer to them and as a result so did you, sorta. In middle school you’d come back from hanging with your own friends to hear the twins bickering while your brother just continued in with his homework. Being in the same year, you’d occasionally be dragged into helping them out, or sharing answers when it was too hard and “they’d learn it later, but need the answers now.”

At some point during middle school you’d grown an official crush on Atsumu, opting to take his side more often than not within his competition with Osamu. Despite that, nothing ever came of it as kids. 

The older you got, the more attractive they’d seem to get, but you never paid much attention. After all, once you reached the world of high school, your young crush practically disappeared. Instead you’d taken a liking to all the new people you were exposed to.  

As they got more and more passionate about volleyball and you parted class ways you never really saw them, except for the occasional times they’d come to your house. Even then, the conversations were short. Growing more confident, and friendly you’d still jokingly take Atsumu’s side to which he’d parade around like he’d won the lottery. “At least someone thinks I’m right.” 

Of course you’d heard about Atsumu’s lack of popularity among his teammates. You’d overheard Osamu telling him at lunch one day to be nicer, and you couldn’t help but laugh at the lack of care he showed for others thoughts on his personality. As long as he was doing his job as a setter all’s good. 

“Don’t think you’d say that if they decided to throw you in a ditch one day,” you’d tease hovering over their lunch table. “Maybe you should be a little nicer,”

“If they suck, then they suck.” 

For the rest of your first year your conversations took on similar natures. One of you’d overhear something then butt in for a few moments before returning to your regularly scheduled lives. 

You’d watch as the two of them grew into their volleyball skills, alongside your brother cheering from the sidelines as much as you could. Come your 2nd year Their notoriety and your connection to them caused a spike in your popularity. It was something that came to the irritation of your brother. 

“Another date?” Your brother eyed the way you searched for the perfect pair of shoes while you waved him off. 

You’d heard about the twins biggest fight. Osamu admitted that he’d be quitting volleyball after high school. Heard about the way Atsumu reacted, seen the way they stopped sitting together at lunch

“Shouldn’t ya be with yer friends,” the blonde twin mumbles, continuing to stab at the rice he’d brought for lunch. Or that Osamu packed, which is precisely why he couldn’t eat it. You slid into the empty seat in front of him, not even phased. 

“Atsumu you need to make up with your Osamu. You two are driving Aran mad. And more importantly you need each other.” Your hand stops his that were previously stabbing at the food, by knocking the chopsticks out. With a sigh, you move the bento he’d been messing over and replace it with your own lunch. “Since you’re on your whole anti Samu stance, figured I’d get you some non Samu food. I’ll be eating this by the way.” You were intentional in keeping your voice light not wanting to further upset the firecracker. “I’m waiting on my thank you.”

“For what. Tryna get me to talk to the traitor-“

“Atsumu. He's your brother. Grow up. I’m just trying to help out my friends-“

“Yer just Aran’s sister who has a stupid crush on Samu. That’s why yer taking his side,” at that your eyes widen and the annoyance starts to set. Before you could refute he cuts you off.  “We’re not friends. Never have been and never will be. Go hang out with Samu if you’re that desperate”

Silence settled upon the two of you before you swallowed the lump that had started to form. 

“You’re right. We’re not friends and I’m just Aran’s stupid little sis how could i forget,” your tone is mocking as you gather up your own food. “You clearly have some issues to work through with Osamu and you’re upset but I’m not gonna be your verbal punching bag. Keep the lunch,” you sigh before standing. “I’ll see you around, maybe.” Atsumu couldn’t pinpoint it then but there sense of finality in your voice might’ve aided in the further irritation he carried through the rest of the day. 

You’re not even sure when the twins got back on good terms. One day they’d started hanging back out at your place with Aran however you made it a point to never be around. It wasn’t until your brother’s graduation months later that Atsumu caught you for more than a few fleeting seconds. 

“He’s really graduated huh-“ you were sitting in the empty gym after the ceremony. Everyone else had gone outside before you ditched your family with the promise of catching up and being back for Aran’s celebratory dinner. However Atsumu had watched you slip back in and curiosity killed the fox. 

“Hey Tsumu,” you hummed, eyes glued on the chairs covering the floor. You only glanced at him once you felt the bleachers creak and did as he settled next to you. 

“Why’re ya in here (Y/N)”

“Just thinking. I’m gonna miss him-“

“Arans really leaving us for the big guys huh- they grow up so fast.” The lightness in Atsumu’s voice has you smiling before shaking your head before focusing back on the gym floor. 

“Not Aran. Well- yeah I’m gonna miss him too but I’m talking about my boyfriend. Well ex who kinda broke up with me yesterday. Something about going off to Uni and needing something new. Seeing him here too was weird.”

Atsumu just nods. He’d heard that you’d started dating some 3rd year shortly after your disagreement. According to Aran and even Osamu the guy wasn’t necessarily a bad guy but wasn’t really a good one either. “(Y/N) could do better but if she’s happy,” he’d listen to Aran complain before, a rarity from a guy who tried seeing the good in people. And it was true, you were happy. Extremely so. 

“Sorry about that,” you just give him another nod before he sighs. “M’sorry about blowing up at ya a while back too. Saying that we weren’t friends,”

“Is Miya Atsumu apologizing for someone.” Your fake shock is accompanied by you turning your body to face his. “Do I need to get this on camera for proof. Where’s Rin.” The way you pull out your phone pretending to film has him laughing before jokingly telling you to shut it. 

“You worked things out with Samu?”

Atsumu only shrugs. “I’m still pissed but we still have 1 more year. And I gotta focus on being happier and more successful.”

“Do I even wanna know?”

Instead of responding Atsumu just stands before offering you a hand. “Ya going to the party?” He was referring to the one the parents had planned to celebrate the graduates. It was at your house but you weren’t sure if you were gonna actually show or just hang with a friend for a few hours. You still hadn’t taken his hand up and he looked at it expectedly. 

“Hadn’t decided. Kinda sad ya know,” you joke before taking it. 

“All the more reason. Forget about that loser. Besides if Aran finds out I knew ya were sad and did nothin’ he’d kick my ass.” You thought for a moment before caving, not even noticing had neither of you had let go. 

That was the start of it all for you two. Following the party you’d rekindled your friendship with the twin and as break started the two of you grew closer. There’d been many nights when you two would sneak out and go on late night adventures. Convenience store runs. Scooter rides or even to parks to help him practice. You’d even started hanging around when they had official team practices to where he’d started walking you home. 

Your first kiss happened on one of those walks. Your arms had brushed several times as he complained about poor spikes or missed serves and how they weren’t gonna be Karasuno with that performance. 

“They’re stressing you out just how you stressed Kita out captain”

“And yer brother,” you nod as your hands brushed again. “How’s he doin anyways,” 

“Pretty good. Just practicing a lot and stuff. He’s always tired when we talk.” Another brush. You start tuning Atsumu out as you debate on making a move. The two of you had gotten considerably closer to the point where people had teased calling him your boyfriend. However you could’ve been imagining it and the chemistry. Maybe he just saw you as a sister much like Osamu but picked up on your feelings and didn’t wanna hurt them and ruin things. 

“Hey Atsumu,” the way you stopped had him confused. However before he could question it you started. “Do you like me? Like-like me?”

He thought for a moment before answering just with a shrug. “Well yeah. Course Aran would kill me for some of my thoughts but—yeah.” You weren’t even sure why you were so surprised with the ease of how he admitted it. He always said what he meant and all you could do was nod before managing to could out something that sounded like “good”

“Good. That’s all ya gotta say? C’mon (Y/N) give me something. Do ya like me?” With a nod from you he finds himself surprisingly flustered before doing the same as you. Only this time he’d moved closer head lowering. “Well that’s good”

The two of you started dating shortly after and into your last year. It wasn’t something that went unnoticed either. The way he’d lean against your locker trying to be cool, definitely falling more than once. The few people that had been privy to your quick makeout sessions when you’d meet up in empty hallways while you were supposed to be using the restroom. The way you’d started eating lunch together more often and if people played enough attention they’d noticed that you often shared drinks because “things taste better when they aren’t yours.” Then the most obvious, how you’d hang around early at games and stayed after and how he was so excited to beat Karasuno at nationals that he’d actually made out with you in public. (Aran had nearly murdered him upon finding out about that)

After graduation you two had gone off to different places and it was a struggle. There were arguments about not making time for one another. Between your academics and his pursuit at going pro, it was a struggle. But things were always made worth it. The time you’d created and sent him a care package and he texted you back a selfie with the basket with tears in his eyes. Or how you made the 3 hour train ride down for important matches or during your school breaks because he’d sounded super down about not being able to nail a new serve. 

There were times where he’d stay on video call with you long after he should’ve been in bed because you were stressed about finals and up still studying. Then the time he surprised you by coming down for a milestone birthday. He’d showed up at your apartment at some odd hour completely exhausted and ready to fall over the second you opened the door. 

“Atsumu?”

“Surprise baby,” he slurred using the last bit of his energy to hug you tightly. “Happy birthday”

“Tsumu what are you doing here,” you’d pull away however he attached himself back to you arms locked around your middle and face buried in the side of your neck.

“Talk later, sleep now.” You find yourself nodding before prying his hands off your and intertwining them with yours. 

“Let’s get you some sleep Tsumu”

There were the late night drives as young adults listening to old school music and singing your hearts out just having fun. It was during the holidays and you two had both gone back home to be with your families. 

“Hey babe technically this is us.” Atsumu is the one to turn the radio down as a familiar song starts. “And you were my babyyyyy,” His screeching fills the car causing you to laugh and swat the hand that had been casually resting on your thigh off. “It started when we were younger-”

“Atsumu shut up and pay attention to the road.” You smile as his hand immediately finds its way back on you. “But you are my boo.”

The night the Jackals beat the Adlers you were sure Atsumu would want to go out and party and you were more than fine with it. However while waiting for him to finish up you’d gotten word of his celebratory plans from a post game interview. “Just gna hang at home. Watch a few movies, eat a cheat meal, ya know.” 

It’s about an hour later before Atsumu meets up with you at the stadium's entrance. You notice how his hair hadn’t fully dried as he shifts his duffel bag to the other arm to grab your hand on your preferred hand holding side as the two of you make your way across the parking lot. “Are you sure you don’t wanna go out with the guys?”

The squeeze of his hand confirms his decision. “I’ll see em’ tomorrow. We haven’t spent much time together these days. As the two of you approach the car you let go before asking him if he wanted you to drive. After he confirmed he was good to you slipped into the passenger seat listening as he tossed his bag in the back before sliding into the driver's seat. “Besides,” his hand makes its way towards your cheek, guiding your face to his. “I can think of a much better way to celebrate.”

“Is that so?” Your tease is quiet as you inch closer lips only a hair away. He’s the one who closes the space and you immediately reciprocate. Your lips immediately move against his mumbling a “congratulations” against his lips. You indulge it for a moment before pulling away to press kisses up his neck until you reach his ear before whispering something. 

“Are ya serious?” At your nod he lets out a groan that you can’t help but laugh at him. “Yer gonna be the death of me one day”

“Love you too.”

The day he found out he’d made the Olympic team had been cause for celebration for more than one reason. The two of you had been getting ready for a regular day of running errands when he got the call. After hanging up he yelled for you so loud it could have gotten a noise complaint from neighbors. 

“Atsumu why are you yelling. Im in the bathroom not fucking Antarctica.”

“I’m on the Olympic team baby.”

Following that you decided to turn the day into an Atsumu day something that made his heart swell. From the way you kept telling him how proud of him you were to watching his favorite movie even though you hated it. Once you insisted on making his favorite for dinner he knew it was time. In return he convinced you to get dressed in something other than sweats to eat dinner on your couch. “I just think we should take some pictures so I can show off my biggest supporter,” is what he told you with a shrug when you questioned it.

You also shouldve known something was up when he insisted that he had desert covered, because the man couldn’t bake for shit. “It's a delivery, cmon have some faith in me.”

“I do baby. In everything except for baking.”

You’d just finished eating dinner and the two of you were cuddled on the couch watching another movie, one of your boyfriend’s choices. You’d shifted uncomfortably for the fifth time before looking at Atsumu. “Can I change yet, these jeans aren’t comfortable anymore.” You were caught off guard when he moved so that he pulled you so that you were straddling him.

“Better?” 

“Not at all,” you rolled your eyes while he just laughed, fingers squeezing at your hips. 

“Just wait til desert, yer brother’s on his way with it now.” He placed a quick kiss on the skin of your collarbone before pointing at his phone for you to hand to him. “Did he tell ya he's on the olympic team too?”

“He's my brother. I was gonna treat him to dinner tomorrow. You tell Samu yet?”

“Not yet. Was gonna do it after Aran left.” You don’t miss the way Atsumu tries to hide the messages on his phone, his brightness all the way down, something he usually hates. Before you can question anything he's pulling you so that your lips meet his. “Stop looking so concerned,” he whispers against your lips. 

“Yer so fuckin pretty baby,” the way his fingers tighten against your sides and the way his tongue slips into your mouth has the quietest moan coming out of your mouth. You pout as he pulls away settling for kisses along your neck instead. “You’ve been so good to me today. Can’t wait to get to bed with you.”

Before anything could go any further a knock on the door interrupts. “It's probably Ojiro,” you whine, mildly annoyed at your brother for interrupting you from where things were headed. “Tsumu let go,” you frown at the failed attempt of getting off him. You've met with a quick kiss before his palm comes firm against your ass, a yelp escaping. With that he lets you go laughing at the scowl you shoot him as he goes to get the door. 

You don’t even bother to look at the two yet you can hear Aran’s scold that the two of you were disgusting.

“How’d ya know we were even doin anything”

“Your lips are swollen.” After that the two of them get into a whispered conversation that you can’t pick up on no matter how hard you try to listen. Before you know it your brother crosses through the apartment to place a box in the kitchen before joining you in the living room. “Congrats big bro,” you stand hugging him slightly before plopping down on the couch. He gives a smile of thanks before changing the subject.

“Miya here isn’t corrupting you too much right.” You both ignore Atsumu’s exclaim that he isn’t the one corrupting anyone has you hear him shuffle around in the kitchen. 

When he gets back he brings the box, some plates and a few utensils. “What is it?” He nearly trips trying to set it all down before you get up to help him. After helping him you notice that he doesn’t sit back on the couch and looks off. “Tsumu are you ok?” You give your brother a concerned look but he just shrugs. 

“(Y/N). could ya,” he nervously motions for you to stand back up and you comply confused. Grabbing his hand you watch him carefully, silently trying to check in on him. When he doesn’t answer you lean up to place a quick kiss on his lips. A silent “I love you,’ something that seems to calm him down. “I I love you too”

“You wanna sit down now?”

“Yeah just let me get this off my chest first?” Your nod is his signal to continue. “I don't remember when I met ya. At all. All I know is that there was this super cool guy with a super cool name and me and Samu kinda just followed him around. Then we found out he had a little sister.” You were used to some of Atsumu’s mindless babbling but the reason for bringing that up right then and in front of Aran was still going over your head. 

“Somewhere along the way I fell in love with ya. I can tell ya that the first day I realized my crush was after Aran’s graduation. You were sittin in the gym and we just talked. You were sad about some loser and I didnt like that. Course I couldn't say anythin cause we weren’t even really friends then.” That pause is when what might be happening hits you and you freeze. It’s something Atsumu notices right away, eyes looking at you with concern. “Ya alright?”

The only thing you could do was nod offering a slight squeeze of his hand prompting him to continue. “Alright—where was I —ok. Then we got together and I knew it was love. Ya made me feel like I was I’m top of the world even when I was a jackass.”

“I almost thought we wouldn’t make it when ya when off to university. It was hard but we made it. we used to argue so much about stupid shit back then too. You were there before anyone knew who I was as a kid and have stayed with me all the way to being an Olympic athlete.” 

At this point you watch as he begins to kneel and you’re hit with the fact that he’s really about to do it. You’re nodding before he even asks which causes him to laugh. “Let me finish alright.”

“I’m so in love with everything about you and after the announcement I realized we weren’t gettin any younger. You’ve been my boo since we were 17 and here we are almost a decade later. You’re still my boo and I want it forever. So (Y/N) will you marry me?”

You’re not even sure real words came out before you’ve tackled him to the ground in a hug immediately pressing kisses all over his face. Your eyes are teary as his hand rubs comforting circles on your back. The two of you are there for a few moments before Aran finally clears his throat. 

“I can't believe my little sister is engaged. And to Atsumu no less.congratulations you two.” He shoots you both a warm smile as he watches the two of you. After getting up your arms fling immediately around Aran. 

“Did you know about this,” the tears finally begin to fall as he just laughs confirming. “I can't believe you let him ambush me like this.” You feel your brother's arms embrace you at the mixture of laughing and crying. 

“Hey, I knew he was proposing soon, not the day. He just called me up earlier claiming today was the day. Now stop crying and look at the cake.” Confusion crosses your face until you’re turned around to see Atsumu holding a cake that reads: marry me? (pls) the ring placed right under the words. 

After you'd calmed down the three of you just sat in the living room catching up when you realized something. “Atsumu, you were so corny with the song reference.” Looking at Aran the two of you immediately burst into laughter. “I can't believe you referred to me as your boo. Out loud and in all seriousness”

“I got it on camera too. Got him in 4K” Aran shakes his head. 

“I can't believe this. I propose and yet still clowning me. I miss when ya were all emotional,” your fiancé huffs. Despite that he doesn’t move at all from sitting so close that your legs touched. His eyes kept shooting at the ring on your finger and the desire to get you alone grew by the minute. At some point his hand slipped from the back of the couch to your thigh offering a squeeze. 

It was then that Aran cleared his throat. “That’s my cue to head on out. I’ll see you tomorrow sis. Congrats again you two. Don’t—I’m not ready to be an uncle yet, s’all I gotta say.” 

“After the Olympics work better for ya teammate?” 

“How about never Miya” 

The two of you bid your brother one last goodbye after the warning and before the door is even fully closed your fiancé is pulling you back into his lap. Your heart swells at the way Atsumu’s eyes look at you with so much love and your voice comes out way quieter than you intended. “Still can’t believe you quoted Usher”

Atsumu groans at that The hand that had been plaing with your, ghosting over the ring comes to a stop. . “I’m never showing anyone else that video.” 

“It’ll be our little secret.” 

“You're lying”

The smirk on your face tells him all he needs to know and all he can do is shake his head. “If yer gonna tell my deepest secret I’m gonna need you to make it up to me.” His hand slip around your waist, fingers skimming the space where your shirt had ridden up. you return the touch by trailing your hands until palms are placed again his chest. 

“I think we can arrange something. Isn’t that right pretty?” The touch and hushed words were enough to cause heat to flare across your skin. 

“What’d you’d have in mind?”

“A few things,” Atsumu leans close, placing kisses everywhere except your lips. First your close one. Then along your jaw. Right on the corner of your lips. “Think we’ve got some celebrating to do, fiancé.”

Atsumu forgot to tell Osamu that night and was ambushed the following morning after watching his private story in which Atsumu made you flash your hand to the camera with an obnoxious number of zooms with the caption: made the Olympic team and got my forever boo 🤪

[emilieautumnarchives]

Emilie Autumn in Orkus International No. 3 (October/November 2006)

Emilie talks here about meaning of Opheliac and Ophelia archetype. She also answers few questions about her past and about the term “victorian industrial”. The photos made for this issue were later used on Opheliac cover (and not only).

Whole interview typed on Official EA Fan Forum by Miss*Black*Love

Emilie Autumn is young, intelligent, successful and extremely sexy. A higly dangerous combination. She learned to play violin at the tender age of 4 ; An instrument wich still accompanies her and wich is an important part of her way of expressing music. What follows is, in a way, the gothic alternative version of the American dream ;collaborations with Courtney Love and Billy Corgan (formerly of the Smashing Pumpkins), appearances on David Letterman’s and Jay Leno’s late night talk shows, her very own fashion label, several successful books, and, last but not least, outstanding truimphs on the field of dark music heve turned this young lady from Chicago into a alternative icon in no time. A very unique and distinctive “Emilie The Strange”, wich neither misses an experience nor minces words. Living life to the full, despite an overflowing schedule. Opheliac is the name of her new album, and in turning down a major label and giving the deal to a small alternative label Emilie has once more lived up to her reputation. She does not need the support of any major record company, and whoever knows Emilie also knows what she thinks of major label mechanisms. In a exclusive Orkus interview, this remarkable artist gives us an insight into her exciting life and her even more exciting music, which she has dubbed “Victoriandustrial.” ORKUS : Opheliac is inspired by the tragic Ophelia in Shakespear’s Hamlet. What kind of woman is she to you? EA : Ophelia is an archetype….She was born that way, she was written that way. Shakespear didn’t invent characters, he drew on human nature and observed and illustrated them. Ophelia was the archetypal “mad girl”, the poster girl for glamorized insanity, the patron saint of girls on Zoloft. ORKUS : Ophelia ultimately went mad after her father got killed by the man she loved. Thus, is this the definition of an “opheliac” ? What makes a woman an Opheliac? EA : First of all, did she really go mad? Maybe. Or did she just act that way? Maybe. Or could she have had no other way to be released from the social boundaries that require a certain type of behaviour, especially for girls ? Maybe. The path to insanity is never black or white, and it’s never entirely what it seems. When someone self-destructs there is a wide range of possible causes from sadness to madness to absolute calculated choice. The character of Ophelia is a woman who is pushed and pulled by men in her life to the point where, in her mind, there is only one way out. Every primary male characterin the play fucks with Ophelia’s head untill she doesn’t even know who she is any more. Therefor, an “Opheliac” is a medical term. I came up with to describe a type of person who constantly find themselves repeating this cycle of being driven to the point of madness. And the choice that one makes however unwittingly to become this person whose choices are made by others. The choice within that choice to give up the choice. Choices. I swear i’m not drunk right now. ORKUS ; Do you consider yourself to be an Opheliac in some respects? EA : I never intended to be, but i am the Opheliac i’m talking about… I’m not talking about Shakespeare on this record, i’m talking about me… And the absolute terror i felt upon realizing in one blinding flash of English Breakfast tea-induced sobriety that i had become this archetype… That i was not special or untouchable or magical, that i was bleeding flesh and broken heart and i was being driven mad and i was letting it happen. I was letting it kill me. ORKUS : Ophelia drowned herself and therefor developed the famous Ophelia-motive. What do you think caused her suicide? Is it solely Hamlet’s mistake (in a way that men are always to blame ? *g*) or do these women have certain tendencies within them they can’t fight against? EA : Excellent question ! I believe that her suicide, like many others since the beginning of time, was her freedom. I’m not saying it was the best idea, i’m saying it was, for her, the only idea. She was caught in a spiral of choicelessness that is impossible to survive within. Like an animal, she shut down. Was this innate to her self-destruct, or was she pushed to it, i still don’t know, and that is essentially what this is all about. I’ve spent a great deal of money asking therapists which of my mental disturbances are environmental and which are genetic, and i’ve never gotten a straight answer. In any case, i don’t think the point is wheter it was Hamlet’s mistake or not. The fact is, Hamlet was an archetype too, as was everybody else. Hamlet didn’t set out to take Ophelia down, nor did her brother, nor her father, nor the king, nor anyone who had a part in driving her mad. They were just going about their selfish lives, doing what they do, for their own reasons. But the main difference is that they were constantly making choices, about their lives, about other’s lives. They were allowed to act, Ophelia could only react. And the reason why this is relevant at all is because this is still happening everyday, everywhere. There’s a reason why every girl i know is on anti-depressants. Something’s wrong with this picture. ORKUS : In which way can suicide be a solution ? EA : I’m glad to say that i don’t know. For me, it was not the solution, making music was the solution, writing was the solution, humour was the solution, being creative was the solution. I’ve put an incredible amount of work into that NOT being my solution. ORKUS : In former times (in Hamlet’s, for example), suicide was regardedas a capital sin and everyone committing suicide instantly gave their souls into the devil’s hands. How desperate (or likewise, how fond of the devil) must one be to sill to it? EA : Ha, yes, i suppose that, by that description, suicide would be about the most metal thing one could do! I think that suicide is still largely regarded as evil, shamefull, and weak, there is still a lot of religion attached to it. I am not here to pass judgement on anyone for their choices, nor i am a mental health expert - though i have paid enough in therapy to be. I would rather look into why it is that people feel they have so few choices. I’m doing it for myself, still, everyday. And i am fascinated by what it is that has the power to make the drive to survive, that greatest drive that any living creature has, simple fall away… ORKUS : You coin your music “victoriandustrial” which is indeed quite fitting. I’ve never before listened to a melange of violins, spinets, harpsichords, harsh and distorted beats, your angry or soothing voice and these constrasts from innocent-shy to killing-spree and lunatic. What must one do to come up with such an extraordinary mixture of such distant genres? EA : Thank you for listening so closely ! I think that there is a sort of fearlessness that comes when you no longer care what becomes of your work, you make it because you have to make it. So much of modern music (and not so modern, i.e., court composers, patron-supported violinists, and so on) is created around fear - will this be a hit ? Is this radio-friendly ? Will i get signed with this? Will audiences like me? Am i sexy enough ? Am i too sexy? Will i scare people? Does anyone care about violins anymore? Am i using too many big words?- and such. I sympathise of courde, we all have to make money, we all want to be liked. But for me, for this project, i abandoned all thoughts of how this music would be received and focused on making it for myself. It’s anti-fear based, and not only in the way that i used every tool i had from every genre i knew because i didn’t care whether people would understand it or not, but also in the way that i went into the studio every night with the mindset that i would NOT be afraid anymore, i will NOT be afraid to scream, cry of growl or make horrible noises or do anything that it takes for me to feel like i’ve said everything i have to say. For this week anyway… And in case i’m not feeling so brave, i will surround myself with people who will hear it, and call me out on it, and tell me to fucking scream… This is what Inkydust (the ingeneer and mixer of Opheliac) at Mad Villain Studios in Chicago did for me night after night. And as result of my not caring about what anyone would think, or wheter they were offended by my lyrics, or wheter it made sende, i believe that i have come out with a more focused, pure, and actually relatable record than anything i have ever done. I see this in the way that, for all the lovely chatting we’re doing now, i don’t have to explain this music to anybody. They just get it or they don’t, but it’s all there and it speaks for itself. ORKUS : You began your career as a classical musician. What was and when came the starting point when you realized that you needed something darker, something more provocative, more thrilling and more aggressive ? EA : I did start out as a child fiddler in the classical vein, but i was never an average classical player, not from day one since i was four years old. I was quite a rebellious studens, and that made for a rather difficult time with my professors, which sounds cool to say now, but it really wasn’t - it was torturous t know that what i wanted to do with music was, in that genre, simple not allowed, and creativity of any real sort was not to be tolerated, all the while knowing that there was nothing so dark as Elgar, nothing so provocative as Bach, nothing so thrilling and aggressive as Sibelius. So i played the game and practiced my eight hours a day and developed case after case of tendonitis, but meanwhile i was also secretly writing music of my own in many different styles, because there was no one to judge it, and i was completely free to fill up my staff paper with anything i wished. Then, i began studying jazz and playing in bands when i was around thirteen, and i’ve developed both sides of my brain - the classical and the non-classical- from that point on. I’ve surrounded myself by so many different styles of music that it really becomes a matter of deciding what i want to say, then i simply choose the tools i feel do the job best. In the case of Opheliac, i was listening al lot of industrial greats like Laibach, VNV Nation, Front 242, tons more that i love dearly, and i knew that this dark tonal palette, this harsh atmosphere, THIS was the box of paints that i would use to express the chaos that was inside me, each grinding crash of metal on metal would help me get this out, and so i began programming beats and here we are. And as my signature of course, i combined this with my classical influences to make “victoriandustrial’…To take the sounds of rebellion and rage and breaking free, and set it against the most repressed period in history…It’s almost a joke. ORKUS : What was your childhood like ? Any traces of your future development? EA : I think that, in a lot of ways, i was just a smaller, blonder version of myself now, but i was too young to know what to do with. There was never any real metamorphosis, I’ve been a circus freak all my life. ORKUS : I heard rumours about you touring through Europe as a highly talented 12-year-old girl. What’s behind that? EA : I started performing professionally when i was still quite young, yes. I’ve been to more places and played more shows as a violinist than a singer, though i hope to balance that out once we go on tour with the Bloody Crumpets (my backing band). Our live show is…quite an experience to behold, something like a gothic burlesque… ORKUS : Wich bands caused your interest in these extreme spheres of music? EA : I absolutely adore industrial from the early years like Foetus, Ministry, Einstürzende Nebauten, Nitzer Ebb ( i had the great pleasure of working with Bon Harris on the last Billy Corgan album) all the way up to today, which i won’t even get into because of the current debate on what even constitues "industrial” anymore. I have also been an early-music geek for years, and have done a lot with period instruments and period performance, and that figures into the sound largely as well, baroque violins and harpsichords and such…Also bands like Queen, David Bowie, The Smiths, Arch Enemy, Cannibal Corpse, anybody who is creative and unafraid to be insanely theatrical is a hero to me, i don’t really care what genre it is. My friend Brendon Small (creator of the new music cartoon Metalocalypse) introduced me to Dragonforce, and i’m completely inspired by the bombasticity of their playing… ORKUS : And, likewise, what were some musical sins of your youth (confess truly, mine were David Hasselhoff for example!!)? EA : Wow…You’re a brave lad to admit that, i’ll buy you a drink. Will absynthe do? I’m stalling for time.. I don’t want to admit this…You can’t make me…Stop tickling…Alright, i’ll tell you…I love musicals and broadway and i can sing you the entire score from anything Andrew Lloyd Webber even wrote, including his Requiem. I’m not proud. Aaaah, that felt good. ORKUS : “Victoriandustrial” implies a strong interest in the victorian age. What’s your interest in that epoch? Is is the clothing style of that period? The literature? EA : It’s a bit of all of it. I’m a big fat history nerd. I identify with and draw from and obsess over lots of different periods, but i’ve got a special interest in the Victorian era mainly because of the psychological discoveries (and mistakes) that were made during that era. Lots of elements of life as we know if were set into motion. Lots of horrible miscalculations were made that we are still recovering from. This is the period that spawned books questioning wheter women were actually human beings, and brought visitors through the insane asylums like a zoo tour to look at the ‘ophelias’, the term the used for the female patients. As someone who’s constantly searching for some sort of psychological understanding, this is horribly fascinating to me. In other words, yeah, it’s the corsets. ORKUS : Victorian societies were very strict in terms of behaviour, rules and gender roles. How would you have felt in such a world? EA : Probably very similair to how i felt growing up. I was a child in a adult world, surrounded mostly by old men, full of rules and proper attire and proper things to say and not to say, and i was constantly feeling the pressure of not being quite comfortable with who i was being asked to be, yes also feeling glad to be a part of a world that, as it seemed at the time, mattered. Ironically, more damage was done to me during that time than i care to recollect, so for methe answer becoming a rock star, for Victorian ladies it was jumping off the “bridge of sighs”, same thing metaphorically speaking… ORKUS : You have a huge and loyal muffin base that not only identifies itself with Emilie Autumn through your music but also through your attitude and your clothing style. Why on earth are they so dedicated? EA : God knows..I don’t do what i do with an eye on the fanbase, i do it because i need to and it helps me through this world, and that applies to the hair, the fasion, the music, all of it…Everything i wear or tie around my wrist or paint on my face is a little ritual that makes me, quite simply, happy - it’s not the result of a stylist, or record exec..So if there is a following of people who seem to understand this, perhaps that is what they are in fact drawn to - the fact that i remain independent and insist upon doing what i want the way i want, and this in turn makes the whole thing commercial because it sells, but i’m guessing that the reason why people dye their hair to look like mine or or paint hearts on their cheeks has more to do with the attitude behind it than anything else.. ORKUS : Describe your feeling to have such a true and loyal muffin base. EA : I am honoured and amazed to have the ear of people whom i have never met, without question. I think that, if my audience is loyal, it is because they know that i love them, that i respect them, and that i will never pander to them or anyone else. I don’t work for them, i work for me. But i love them, and i am grateful that they give me a place in their lives. I want to sing for them every day or until they tell me to shut up and go away. ORKUS : That almost worship-like fandom reminds me strongly of the Japanese Visual Kei/J Rock scene. What do you think about that scene? EA : I have a great love for Visual Kei and J-rock, i have for years. It is amazing to me that people in Japan are making music that is more like what i do than anything i know of in the States, by which i mean the combining of genres usually seen as very disparate. I’ve got a great deal of respect for the scene and i make no secret of it, you have only to look at my bookshelf of Gothic Lolita Bibles to find out that…And having Opheliac released in Europe by the same label as Moi dix Mois (Trisol) makes me giddy. There’s a song on Opheliac called Gothic Lolita, though it is actually not about the fashion scene at all, it’s quite literal. ORKUS : You’re also working on you “Alphabet Book Of X-Boyfriends”. What makes it an adult book only ? EA : Naughty words ORKUS : And how many ex-boyfriends made you write such a book ? EA : Just one. ORKUS : Are you single at the moment? What would be your dream man then? EA : A dead one. ORKUS : What’s a sexy man for you? EA : Why, the same thing that makes a sexy woman, ofcourse…Bringing me crumpets in bed ! (BS)

[Originally archived by Emilie Autumn Interviews]

[pizza-soup]

Sorry I've been missing in action.

Long story short I got very injured at the labs, but I've been making a fast recovery. For the more detailed, graphic version, you can read below. Warning: Mention of hospital, blood, car accident.

As I mentioned, I got really injured at work beginning on February 21 at around 9 PM. It was during a routine check at some of the sites, one in particular needed our higher clearance because there had been a breach at a fence that past week, so I, and two other guards went to check out any tampering of the fence again. They say it might be vandals but a lot of them say it was some kind of large animal. The road to those sites are a single path through the woods, lit with a few lights, no curves, just a flat road with a hill on one side. It hadn't snowed that week either, so no fear of ice or anything. It was just a routine jeep trek.

It happened so fast. Our vehicle was knocked over, I'm not even sure how, but we were rolling in the dark down a hill, hitting trees. I remember the shouting, holding fast, and the glass. I remember crawling toward a tree and trying to sit up against it or maybe I was put there by the other guard, Dolores, I remember her telling me to stay awake. I asked her if I was dreaming. It didn't feel real. I asked what was happening to me because I couldn't move right, everything felt so slow and muffled. I passed out by the time they got us into the medical ward. I don't remember them putting me in a gown or putting in an IV. I woke up later, I buzzed the call button out of fear and pain. My whole left side was throbbing. A nurse was relieved I finally came to. She gave me pain meds and called the doctor in.

I was told there had been an accident, that much I already knew, but no one was killed, just injured. I lost a lot of blood, my uniform was soaked in it and they had to cut it off me. Part of the metal from the door frame folded in and pieced my left shoulder and I had minor cuts on my hands and arms from the glass. My blood pressure dropped so low they were scared my heart might've stopped. I was given blood, hooked up to a lot of things and I would have to stay under watch for a few days. There was a lot of tests they needed to do to figure out just how bad my injuries were.

For the next few days I was just sleeping, I couldn't sit up without feeling dizzy. I had to lay semi flat, my blood pressure was still very low. My left side was still throbbing and the stitches itched. A lot of bruises developed from being tossed around like I was, mostly on my arms because I was shielding my face and head. My minor glass cuts stung while batheing. Nurses came in every few hours to check my vitals, help me use the restroom, shower, help me eat, ect. I got so tired from the smallest things. I couldn't call anyone, my phone was in my locker. I finally got someone to help me call my brother to tell him what happened. My brother was naturally scared, he thought something happened to me and he was sad to know he was right. He wanted to see me, but he couldn't, I was in the medical ward on lab property. He wanted to call our mom to tell her but I told him to wait, there was a possibility that I might be transferred to a local hospital where they can visit me, and I didn't want her panicking and trying to drive up here in bad weather. It's best she waited til things cleared up.

After the first week I was transferred to a local hospital after getting a bunch of tests done. No brain trauma, no broken bones, no blood sugar issues or thyroid problems. I could sit up in bed by then and eat on my own. I still couldn't walk very well without feeling really dizzy, again, low blood pressure. A lot of minor bruises were fading away. I never had my anemia officially confirmed, but they confirmed it and had me take daily iron and placed on a blood building diet in the new hospital. I was tested for covid, I came out clear.

My brother and mom visited me daily, and the other doctor said I was recovering really quickly, that gave us a lot of hope. I could be out of there by a few days, though my blood pressure was worrying her. Seems it wasn't so much the blood loss, but that it might have been an underlying condition already linked to my untreated anemia. She would get the in-house dietitian to include a bit more natural sea salt to my iron rich diet, as well as tell me what I should eat at home and that I need to drink a lot more water than I normally did. This is a problem I've had for awhile, I forget to drink enough water. The doctor warned me I better remedy that immediately especially with low BP. My mom was already taking notes. She really wanted to just take me home already. I really liked her being there, I'm not that shy about my body, but I honestly felt better having my mom bathe me and comb my hair instead of strangers doing that. She was also a lot more gentle around my stitches and bruises.

Eventually I did come home, I still needed a lot of rest and help getting out of bed. I had to fight the urge to clean house, help with groceries, ect. I'm so used to being self sufficient. I felt so frustrated that just walking around the room would tire me out, when I'd hike for miles just a few months ago. I was tired of sleeping and sitting down. But there wasn't much else I could do. I did a lot of origami, my bro got me a coloring book, I watched a lot of movies, took my iron -which is nasty btw-, ate meals that were saltier than I normally would prepare but my taste buds would have to adjust. I was happy my new diet included a lot of fish though.

I did have some close calls. I really thought I could stand up in the shower instead of sitting, and wound up calling for my mom to help me up after collapsing. I collapsed again when I was trying to cook dinner for myself. My face, according to my mom, was drained of color and my breathing was shallow. I felt so dizzy and nauseated. She nearly wanted to call the hospital again. My bro said I was pushing myself too hard and I always had a problem with not asking for help. That I needed to learn to stop being so damn stubborn and rest. To anyone else, that sounds harsh, but he knows me way too well, probably better than our mom. I do have that problem, I do push myself too much. After that, I decided to be more patient with myself. I was sick and might be sick for awhile.

This week I'm doing a lot better. I can do my daily things now, I even went to get groceries and take a little walk to the river. But I can't over do it, I can't stand up or walk for too long, and I can't lift anything heavy, otherwise I get bouts of dizziness and need to sit down. The pain isn't as bad on my back anymore though it's still very sore, my arms, especially my left side, have a dull pain. I can't sleep on my back and left side, only my right and on my stomach. A lot of the cuts on the back of my arms and hands have scabbed over, minor bruises are gone but major ones on my shoulder and neck are still pretty dark and tender. I'm still finding glue spots on my chest and stomach from the medical tape and the EKG patches they put on me, but a bit of lotion is taking it off. My stitching, according to my mom, is definitely going to leave a pretty bad scar above my shoulder blade, but it's fine. My body has a lot of scars here and there from close calls, but I consider them ' Marks of Life'. They're proof I survived and thrived.

It'll take time for me to really feel like I'm back to normal. My mom refuses to go back home until I make a full recovery. She hasn't tended to me like this for a long time, mainly because I rarely get sick. I trait from my dad's side. We don't get colds or flus for years, no history of cancer, heart issues or diabetes, and his family usually remain active to their elderly years, not to mention our graceful aging. My dad used to say it was our native blood, we're just built tougher. The only thing that could kill us is getting injured like this. God, he'd be so worried about me though. I remember how he'd fuss over me when I skinned my knee as a child or got my allergies. If he was alive, he'd probably refuse to let me do anything out of bed, but then that's exactly what I should be doing anyway.

I got a report on the other guards health yesterday. Dolores and Elijah. She was the least hurt out of all of us, just a dislocated arm, mild whiplash, and some really bad glass cuts on her chest and arms, she's home recovering with her husband and kids. Elijah was the driver and got knocked unconscious with a bad concussion, his entire left arm was sliced by glass and metal, he lost a lot of blood like me and is recovering just as slow as I am. He opted to stay in the lab medical ward because he doubts his roommate can care for him at home, he's on a lot of pain meds, so he sounded distant on the phone. I think out of all of us, he's going to take the most time to recover. I told him I'd pray for him and if he wants, I can visit. He appreciated that a lot. I thanked Dolores for helping us that night, she was the one trying her best to keep us alive and sent the distress signal on our ARK devices so they could find us in the dark. Without her, I think we would've bled to death.

God, it feels like a distant nightmare. I still can't figure out how we were knocked off the road like that. Something hit us out there and it was strong. I felt the impact in the backseat, but I didn't see it. Dolores says it looked like a bear, but bears aren't that strong. Eli says he saw horns, so maybe a bison. Bison are that strong, especially against a little jeep. The incident is still under investigation. The lab is also very concerned about how this happened. It's possible the same thing that hit us, has been tampering with the fence.

One less thing to worry about is the hospital bill, the accident happened on lab grounds, everything is taken care of through them, probably because they don't want to get sued. They are giving us another two weeks before we report back in to the doctor for another round of tests and physical tests, as well as check to see if my stitches were still secure. Our return to work solely depends on our results, we may not be able to come back until late April. They really want to be sure we're okay. Because I'm an 'Ophanim' aka Tier 3 guard, I'll also be given a mental test before being hooked back into Selene. They just want to be sure there's no cognition issues and I can sync properly to her. I may have to do a refresher since I've been away for so long, but I'll worry about that when it comes.

Well, if you read this far, thanks. I hope I didn't scare you all too much. I am doing a lot a better though, I promise. I'm getting stronger everyday, though activity on this blog will be slow. Send me some prayers, good vibes, whatever. I'd really appreciate anything. Hope you've had a good month, better than mine hopefully.

[kinetic-elaboration]

September 17: 3x07 Day of the Dove

I am incredibly discombobulated today—usual weekend nocturnal shenanigans I guess! Anyway it’s somehow midnight. Gonna try to write up these note on the Classic episode The Day of the Dove in as efficient a manner as possible.

Hmm, a planet with wavy pink Fraggle plants. I like it already.

But where is Spock? Very suspicious.

I really appreciate Kirk giving a little speech to set up the overall question/issue for us. (I know he does this all the time with the Captain’s logs but this is out loud and so… more obviously expository.)

Oh no, it’s our old friends…the Klingons.

I will admit that this ONE TIME, the Klingon is being reasonable. Like, it is reasonable to think that Kirk and the Enterprise attacked his ship, given that his hip WAS attacked, and who else would it be?

Three years of peace between the Klingons and the Federation? That is inclusive of the show so all this tension must technically be “peace” and also implies there was something more like a direct war going on, like, right before Kirk got the captaincy.

Zoolander voice: What is this, a colony of the INVISIBLE?

“We have no devil. But we understand the habits of yours.”

No takers? No takers on the torture? No volunteers to be mercilessly tortured by the Klingons?

Star Trek Beyond could have had Kirk and Chekov bond over being brothers! I mean, to other people.

They’ll kill 100 hostages at the first sign of treachery. He does know there are only 400-some people on the ship right? Maybe you should pace yourself, Kang.

Kirk’s so badass he needs MULTIPLE guns trained on him just to use the phone.

Oh-ho secret message to Spock. Which version of the iPhone will be capable of doing THAT?

The Klingons are “suspended in transit” is an awfully nice way of saying they’re just dematerialized atoms in space. Philosophy major and/or Bones nightmare fuel.

How did Kang not see this coming, by the way? Like, he just says “I’m taking your ship now, me and my 6 men versus your 400-some men, and I’ll do this by simply declaring it to be so. Now let’s beam up to your ship, where I’ll be greatly outnumbered, and there are armed security guards all around me.” Guess he’s been reading The Secret!

WIFE AND SCIENCE OFFICER

Aka the most important part of this whole episode.

Kirk’s face is very ?????? You can have both????

It’s legitimately not even important for her to be the science officer tbqh. Like that is so gratuitous. That’s just in there to drive me insane.

"We're prisoners, somehow, after I demanded to come on the ship, assuming they'd just give it to me without any kind of fight. How DID this happen?”

Federation death camps lol—someone’s been watching Fox News.

I do kind of wonder… is this an actual rumor that goes around the Klingon homeworld or is it something that the alien entity put in her head specifically to make her angrier right now? I mean it really could be either.

I also appreciate this episode for being pretty much the only one to actually attempt to give the Klingons a reason for being as they are. The Romulans… maybe aren’t well-described, but they do have a sort of regalness to them, appropriate for being related to Vulcans, and you can kind of imagine that they are the way they are because they’re Vulcans without the intense self-control. Plus they’re literally only in 2 TOS eps and in the second, the Federation are the aggressors. But the Klingons show up a half-dozen times only to be depicted each time as just like Cartoonishly Bad, aggressive, violent, and selfish for basically no reason. And I mean, some people really are!! But TOS has so much nuance in other places, that it always seemed a little disappointing to me that the Klingons are really just like ‘well we’re just bad and we hate everyone and we really like killing I guess.” At least in this ep there’s a little more added to that: that there is poverty on their world, that they feel aggrieved, that they feel unprotected, that taking and conquering is how they look after themselves…

I think that’s later in the episode though.

He’s detaining them in the LOUNGE lol. With their favorite dishes available to them to eat. Absolutely barbarous conditions.

I can’t believe Chekov is hanging in the elevator with the cool kids. Like, one of these things really isn’t like the others.

Kang is officially sure of himself for someone currently imprisoned in the lounge, that most fearsome of Federation death camps.

Hmm, could the glittery light alien have taken over??

You know what, that's a lot of tasks for Johnson to do all by himself: search the whole ship, fix the engines, and free 400 people.

Sulu would love this: everyone gets a sword!!

“Bridge. I gotta show this to Sulu immediately.”

Klingons have maintained a dueling tradition. That’s interesting. Finally some characterization going on.

Spock is really living up to his logical nature today. Everyone else has gone off the emotional deep end and he’s like “have you considered this completely rational explanation that accounts for the actual, observed facts??”

Whoops Chekov is actually an only child. Scratch that previous Beyond headcanon. (Interesting that his dead brother does really resemble Sam though—killed on a research colony??)

Love that Sulu knows that about him though.

Oh, that’s a pretty schematic picture of the Enterprise. I want that on a t-shirt.

Lol the pan out to the armory, now filled with… swords!!

Do ALL of these men have a fetish for swords? Sulu and fencing, Spock displaying swords in his quarters, and Kirk in his San Francisco apartment, and Scotty salivating over this Scottish blade.

“Klingon units.”

Finally Sulu gets his sword! It’s what he deserves.

Love that the shiny light alien also has a fetish for swords.

Oh no, it’s our old adversary, an alien life force.

What is the alien’s purpose? Um, I’m pretty sure its purpose is to start shit.

“An appropriate choice of terms, Captain.” I don’t even remember what this is referring to but I think it’s pretty clear that Spock is enjoying himself during a crisis again.

Bones, being so dramatic. Were there atrocities? He’s talking about the Klingons as if they were literally hacking off limbs—it’s a few stab wounds here and there, chill.

Oooh, time to behave like military men—strong words. (But I thought it wasn’t the military?? @ S**** P****) (This might not even be my best argument, given the context of this episode, but I’m sticking with it.)

This is like a giant game of capture the flag.

AU that’s just about the Enterprise crew playing capture the flag with the Klingons.

Sulu in the background standing guard with his sword

Damn, turning on Spock with the slurs now!!

Spock was absolutely ready to kill him. Like he would 100% have taken him out with a blow to the head. And he’d been doing such a good job of not feeling the alien’s effects so far! Admittedly, that was a strong provocation though.

Honestly, I really like this scene. It��s uncomfortable and tense and you can really see how the alien is bringing out the worst possible influences of their respective races. And I liked how Spock was definitely full on pre-Reform Vulcan for a minute there. It was a more effective portrayal of what that might have looked like than All Our Yesterdays tbqh.

A result of… stress?

Kirk got himself out of it first. He’s so strong. He knows himself so well, he cannot be outsmarted by any alien.

“We’ve been taught to think in terms other than war.”

“The alien brings out the worst of us—patriotic drumbeating…even race hatred.”

He’s so sad; he can’t imagine thinking like that about Spock :(

Sulu in a Jeffries tube! A man of many talents. It’s okay bb, take credit for turning on the lights.

The alien must have been getting bored. The Klingons must have been doing too well, and the playing field needs to be leveled for maximum shit-stirring.

“Let’s find that alien.” That’s how I ALWAYS feel.

Oh, Kang, you’re so close—“What power supports our battle but thwarts our victory.” So, so close to getting it.

ALIEN DETECTED.

Spock takes his sword, of course.

“Jim.” Obligatory Jim moments hit differently when they’re not so obligatory.

“Jim—stop hitting my protégé. And put that sword down.”

Kirk looks so sad, picking Chekov up to carry him bridal style.

Also in addition to ‘race hatred’ I think we need to add ‘rape-y tendances’ to the bad stuff that the alien is inspiring here.

“A brief surge of racial bigotry. Most distasteful.” Spock winning for understatement of the year.

They're assuming the alien is trying to test out their relative powers but I think it just wants entertainment. I mean, doesn’t it look like a naughty little thing?

Mara’s outfit is… little shorts? Interesting. Usually not my style but she makes it work.

Spock doesn’t even look at Johnson as he falls lol. Another one bites the dust.

“It exists on the hate of others.”

What does this remind me of? Oh, the Vast of Night and the whole “aliens made us do every bad thing ever” conspiracy theory. At least this one makes more sense, in part because it is not quite so overwhelmingly broad!

All hostile attitudes must be eliminated, he says, and there's Mara right behind Kirk giving him a death stare lol.

Kang is so obviously posing. Google Earth, always taking pictures.

Only a few minutes before drifting forever in space becomes inevitable? Good thing Kirk works well under pressure.

“Well… do whatever you can, Scotty. You know the drill.” Doesn’t even bother giving real directions anymore. We’ve been in this scenario before.

“So we drift in space, with only hatred and bloodshed aboard.”

And the 392 people below just get to…live in Enterprise prison, I guess.

Star date: Armageddon. So dramatic!

I’m not even making that up; that’s an actual quote. Can you imagine being an Admiral listening to this?

“Stop the war now.” An actual line, really aired on television.

Spock wants to threaten the wife lol. That's the old pre-Reform Vulcan seeping through. Surak who?

Damn, Kang is cold. “Eh, she gets the concept of being killed in battle.” They’re gonna need marriage counseling after this.

“There is another way. Mutual trust and help.” Yes that’s my hero!!

“No one can guarantee the actions of another.” Can’t remember the context of this entirely anymore, but great line.

The entity is loving this—multi-person choreographed sword fight!!

"Those who hate and fight must stop themselves. otherwise it is not stopped.” Another baller line. Spock has a lot of deep thoughts today. And so does Kirk. And Kang.

Kirk tries to reason with the alien. Nice try.

“Shoo. Shoo, alien. Off the ship, go away.”

Omg that last moment—Kang slapping Kirk’s back way too hard, Spock’s completely ridiculous wide-eyed expression when he does, like some sort of combo of amusement and confusion, and then Sulu just passing on by in the background….

Then the alien just yeets itself into space. And that’s the end!

Always feels weird when there’s no wrap up on the bridge.

Also, what are they going to do with the Klingons? They have no ship. They really did come out of this a lot worse than Kirk and co. No ship, huge casualties—and no one to blame even, but the alien.

I feel like the alien messed up a little in killing so many Klingons. Like, it could have accomplished its purpose, angering the Klingons and turning them on Kirk, by attacking the ship a little less violently—you know they’d react to 5 deaths pretty much the same as 400, and then there would be many more people to fight forever and produce that sweet sweet anger!

Maybe the alien’s powers aren’t strong enough to influence 800 people though. Also it wants equal forces and 800 people wouldn’t fit on the Enterprise, one assumes. So it still makes sense.

That was, of course, an excellent episode. 100% agree with is classic status, even though the main things I remembered going in were the wife + science officer bit, and everyone laughing at the end in a really forced, fake way, in order to make the alien go away.

I thought the Klingons were a lot better/more interesting today than usual. First, I think Kang is a better character, or a better actor maybe, than the others; he has a certain way about him that is… more watchable, more sympathetic. And he’s always saying these really dramatic things that make it seem likely he writes patriotic Klingon war poetry in his off time. Also, including his wife made them seem more… not human obviously, but normal. Not just cardboard cut-out villains. And of course the actual lightly specific motivations I earlier mentioned helped too.

Also, the plotting was very good: it built up slowly but surely over time, so at first the alien’s influence wasn’t that obvious, and then it became more so, and then it became horrifically obvious and extreme. And then you had to re-evaluate earlier moments: was that the alien changing facts in their heads, or a real part of the animosity between humans and Klingons? And it wasn’t always clear, which I appreciated. The tension when the people were at their worst wasn’t overdone, like in that moment with Scotty, Spock, and Kirk—or even in Chekov’s assault on Mara, tbh. The various strategies of the different sides were very entertaining too; there was never a dull moment, and they fit in a lot of straight-up actions and twists into 50 minutes.

The possible threat was truly terrifying, also: stuck in a space ship, forever, unable to die, feeling the worst possible emotions all the time, besieged, angered, despairing, fighting a war that can’t be won, being injured and suffering only to recover and fight again, and it never stops… A perfect nightmare mixture of insanity and violence and pain. And the alien, in encouraging hatred and anger, doesn’t discriminate between sides: they turn on each other just as much as on the Klingons, breeding paranoia and infighting. For eternity.

The episode also felt much more strongly anti-war than I remember tbh. Like it was not subtle. Kirk literally says “stop the war” in so many words. He has a part in his speech where he talks about the possibility of other aliens out there, encouraging other wars. And while I do think “maybe the aliens are making us do it” is a cop out explanation, or would be if it were real, the scenario gave the show a lot of room to say, like, pretty ballsy things: to include “patriotic drum beating” along with “race hatred” in a list of corrupting feelings they were experiencing; to show how the same instincts that lead to warring also lead to sexual assault and the aforementioned ‘race hatred;” to reveal the true horror of an endless war by making the participants unkillable and sticking them in a singular space ship in the middle of nowhere; to imply that the combatants of war gain nothing from it, but outside or third-party entities will pull strings of their own design to profit from the conflict as long as possible; even to make an impassioned plea to camera to stop the endlessness of the conflict. Like I can’t even totally unpack this but it is a lot!

Finally, it was also a great Kirk episode, which of course is my most important factor. He’s smart; he’s strong; he’s so sure of himself and his values that he cannot be manipulated to mindless hatred, he represents the values of the Federation, and the show itself; he treats even his enemies with basic respect and humanity; and ultimately, he saves the day.

Okay I was not efficient in writing this up at all! It is very late!!

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

So let’s talk about poems | Poetry Update #2

Hello!! I have successfully finished (1) semester in a poetry stream and am officially calling myself a ~poet, so let’s chat about some of the poems I’ve written recently! TW: A lot of my poems deal with difficult subject matter, such as suicide, animal abuse, death, sexism, murder, and captivity, so please tread with caution if these are sensitive topics for you.

1. the birds

About: After a woman’s suicide, birds flood from her neck.

I wrote this poem for a class, where our prof gave us 20 different prompts, and each line of the poem had to follow each prompt. In that order. You can read the prompts HERE if you’re so inclined to actually do this! This poem was originally called “Blessing of the Bird”, but in revisions, got knocked down to “the birds”. I actually prefer the original for its imagery, but it overall, was a horrific poem lol, and this version is certainly much better! It is a bit quirkier than the original, but I do like it!

Publication status: Currently seeking

2. TRANSCRIPT: orca’s coffin birth kills a man (2002)

About: An orca whale posthumously testifies on a recorded transcript, defending her innocence in the accidental killing of a man after she gave a coffin birth.

I also wrote this for my poetry class, and I really went wild on the concept! This poem arose quite bizarrely, but it is probably my favourite poem I’ve written to date. It is an incredibly sad, and I would say, disturbing poem, but it was fascinating writing a speaker who can’t possibly exist, but who feels so real at the same time. This poem was difficult because of the content, but I wrote it quickly because I was on a deadline. I think this poem has some of my favourite line breaks from my collection of work.

Publication status: Currently seeking

3. the drive-up microphone at burger king

About: A group of friends orders food at an underwater Burger King drive-thru with the body of a person they’ve (sort of?) murdered in the backseat.

This poem is so weird. :) I don’t even know what this poem is, but I love it. :) I wrote this in a night for a magazine’s very fast approaching deadline. I’m so happy I had that opportunity because this poem was born, and it’s so delightfully strange. I can’t wait for everyone to be able to read it!

Publication status: This poem is forthcoming in the next issue of carte blanche (I am SO excited and grateful)! Will post on here when it drops.

4. my body in the mirror of a gas station water bottle

About: A speaker watches her body in the reflection of a gas station mirror as it is scrutinized by men.

I started this poem back in July but didn’t finish it until November or so. It’s more lyrical in style, which is interesting to compare to my other work!

Publication status: Currently seeking

5. The last time I screamed I said water

About: A woman is held captive and bonds with her captor by eating salt.

I wrote this poem in 5-minutes in a desperate break from a really... boring take-home exam lol. It’s obviously very dark in content, but focuses really on this “salt ritual”, and is actually the name of the chapbook I am working on! This chapbook contains all of the poems I’ve written recently, including ones that have been published (at Grain and Augur ! <3) which means it’s very chaotic and varied but that’s how I roll! This poem actually stemmed from the title, which I’d had lying around in a document for a few weeks, and easily materialized from there!

6. we drink.

About: Champagne, the patriarchy, some murder & cannibalism vibes

I truly don’t know what this poem is about! But I wrote it tonight in 5-minute fashion like I apparently now do with poems! :) I actually really like it and wish I could explain what it is actually about but I :) do not know :) ! It’s very short, my shortest poem yet, but I really love her! Definitely works particularly with “the last time I screamed” !

Publication status: Currently seeking

That’s it for this update! When I write more poems, I will be back!

--Rachel

[notallthosewho-wanderarelost]

Real quick scattering of thoughts on Loki 1x02 and x03 before I watch the newest episode. I watched them pretty much at the same time so it’s a two-for-one post. Here be spoilers for episode 3! On mobile so no cut again, sorry.

Spoilers ahead. You’ve been warned.

Okay. In no particular order but attempting to start with ep 2 first:

Loki trying to get info on the Timekeepers and the TVA in ep 2 and being blocked by the most bored archive librarian ever was hilarious. The whole sequence of him trying to get her attention only for her to completely ignore him until he rang the bell was creepy but so funny.

Loki’s reaction to getting the details on Ragnarok made me so sad. :( Same, Loki. SAME. I’m also still gutted Asgard was destroyed and I refuse to even watch the movie ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ But him going to look at that in the first place made me wonder if maybe in the back of his mind Loki’s coming up with a plan to save Asgard? (Or at least, one version of Asgard in the multiverse.) I would love that. I want Asgard back in general and was hoping for Thor 4, but having Loki be the one to save Asgard would be SO fitting. He may be adopted but he’s still an Asgardian at heart, truly. Having Loki be the one to save Asgard would be a great way to show him finally acknowledging that and have all the Asgardians acknowledge it too.

We have an official population for MCU Asgard! 9719 people. That fits. It’s about twice the size of a pretty small suburban town. Asgard is SMALL. It just doesn’t have the space for a lot of people. It’s still a city, but Asgard the Realm has other things on it besides just the city, so it can’t have a huge population.

I wonder what the official population of New Asgard is when we see it in Endgame? And how many Asgardians come back post-Blip? This would really all depend on how many people made it through Hela’s rule and onto the ship during Ragnarok- and then half of them would’ve been killed by Thanos in the beginning of Infinity War. Would half of the remainder have been Snapped away at the end of IW, or would Thanos leave them out since he already halved their population? File under questions Marvel will probably never answer. Also file under “Thanos continues to be really bad at math.” (Should probably go look at the New Asgard sign again to check, but I don’t think it listed population.)

Loki annoying Mobius by messing with his salad was great. Loki annoying Mobius in general was great.

Loki letting the goats free in Pompeii made me think he might have a liking for goats, which means I now have a headcanon that Loki was friends with Thor’s goats as a kid and would sometimes let them loose to get their assistance with pranks. Thank you show, for cute kid Loki headcanons.

Tom Hiddleston probably had a BLAST yelling at people in Latin in character as Loki, and good for him!

Sylvie’s entrance sequence at the beginning of the episode with the fight scene vs the TVA set to “I Need a Hero” was amazing. I haven’t seen Shrek in a while but this might just reach the same levels of A+ “I Need A Hero” song usage as the Shrek sequence.

Speaking of the beginning of the episode, the Ren Faire setting was SO good. Great way to get laughs, and it made me want to go to a Ren Faire again.

The Roxxcart setting for the big encounter later in the episode made me flash back on all the times Roxxon’s appeared in the MCU. Two main thoughts: 1. I so want a Jane!Thor movie where the main villain is Dario Agger, evil Roxxon CEO and Minotaur. Preferably working with a better version of Malekith (from another universe probably) like in comics, because as much as I love Thor 2 my one complaint is that their version of Malekith was SO LAME. Especially compared to comics!Malekith. Plus an Agger + Malekith teamup would mean both the Nine Realms AND Earth are in danger, by definition. Thor 5 please, Marvel. 2. I really, really miss Cloak and Dagger and that show deserved so much better.

(Our) Loki’s perpetual insistence that he’s better and that the plot (pun intended) is about him is both funny and also a little sad- because he knows, or at least thinks, that if he stops insisting those things, everyone will stop paying any attention to him whatsoever. And he needs attention.

Poor Mobius probably felt so betrayed at the end of this episode. :(

Onward to episode 3!

This was by far my favorite episode so far. I LOVE Sylvie. I love her and Loki’s dynamic. I love that we get Loki talking to someone he considers an equal about some very personal things, and that Sylvie does the same thing with him. They understand each other in a way nobody else has. Because they’re the same person, sort of. I’ve taken to calling them “alternate reality twins” and that’s what I’ll keep calling them unless told otherwise.

They also annoy each other in a way nobody else can. And it’s hilarious. They look equally annoyed at the other not falling for their tricks and equally annoyed at needing the other’s help before they really start to bond and I LOVE ALL OF IT. I also feel like they adopt each other a lot quicker than either would be willing to admit, and then they’re annoyed at that! Loki yelling “you’re so weird!” at Sylvie made me go “OH they’re bickering like siblings!!!” and that was pretty early on! I’m an only child but that had peak sibling energy to me. Even them trying to trick and outdo each other had sibling energy most of the time.

Their earlier fight when they first get to Lamentis, before they realize where they are, had some VERY quality quips and also really had me wondering who would win in a fight between the two of them. Sylvie seems to have more physical strength, and she’s got a sword instead of daggers so longer reach, but Loki has skill and he has tricks. I think with his skill at magic (he can TELEPORT?! Probably only a few feet and probably limited by where he can see but that’s SO COOL!!! I don’t think we knew he could do that?!) Loki would likely run rings around Sylvie IF there were no people around for her to enchant. And assuming that she wasn’t able to set any traps beforehand, because Sylvie has proven well able to set traps to take down people who should be at a major advantage against her. Otherwise, I think Sylvie would win. She seems to have better physical training than our Loki, and if there were any people around for her to enchant he’d have to contend with them too. And if Sylvie could lay traps ahead of time, then it could go either way (you never can tell with a Loki, much less two) but I think Loki would probably lose. Loki is just as tricky as she is but that seems to be something she’s had a lot of practice in. Loki is more about confusing opponents with illusions and duplicates and talking his way around people. Sylvie sets traps instead, and is more comfortable/better at using brute physical force.

Speaking of enchanting, me while watching episode 2: “Hey, these mind controlling powers remind me of Enchantress’ powers!”

Sylvie in episode 3: calls her powers “enchanting”

Me: “OH.”

So Sylvie seems to be a composite of 3 characters. 1. Lady Loki, as in Loki when identifying as female. (There’s also that time from before they said Loki was genderfluid and a shapeshifter and back when Loki was still evil when he possessed Sif’s body and went by Lady Loki, but we don’t talk about that.) 2. Amora the Enchantress, a major Thor character/villain who uses magic to “enchant” people into doing what she wants-yes this is definitely a cringey “magically enchants people into loving her, consent-issues-out-the-wazoo” evil seductress stereotype in old comics, but it’s gotten better recently. And 3. Sylvie Lushton, the much lesser-known second Enchantress, who was a regular teenage human girl when after a Ragnarok (don’t remember which one, there have been multiple but this would’ve been early 2000s) Loki for shits and giggles decided to make her think she was Amora and give her the powers to match. She was on the Dark Reign-era (aka when Norman Osborn was in charge of SHIELD and the Avengers) version of the Young Avengers, the Young Masters of Evil, and that’s where I know her from. She’s a great character- she genuinely wants to do good and help people, but her brain is a bit messed up by the number Loki did on it, so she gets confused. I believe she’s currently in comic book limbo after Amora found out about her a while back, got pissed at her for stealing her name and her whole Thing, and tossed her somewhere dangerous on the World Tree while saying something about how if she can survive it then she’ll prove she deserves the name Enchantress. She sadly hasn’t been seen since as far as I know.

So each of those characters have similar characteristics with Loki’s Sylvie. Sylvie 1. Is a Loki who is female (Lady Loki), 2. Was presumably raised on Asgard and uses her magic to “enchant” people via a form of mind control into doing what she wants (Amora the Enchantress), 3. Is named Sylvie (Sylvie Lushton, Encanhtress II). Also worth noting that both Amora and Sylvie Lushton have blond hair, and so does the MCU’s Sylvie. All three characters also have green colored magic!

May turn the above bullets into their own post just for informational purposes. Also, when we said we wanted Enchantress in the MCU, this is not what we meant. Stop with the Monkey’s Paw-style wish granting, Marvel! (Looking at you, X-Men comics’ response to us wanting more Wanda.)

Anyway. Will round off with my favorite thing: everything on the train. Everything on the train was WONDERFUL.

Loki telling Sylvie about Frigga and how she taught him magic and then demonstrating the fireworks made me tear up. 🥺 Right in the feels. I miss Frigga a lot. I miss Asgard/the old Thor franchise in general a lot, but this is about Frigga. She was AMAZING and I miss her. Forever love the detail that Tom and Rene came up with the idea on the set of Thor 1 that Frigga is the one who taught Loki magic and fighting and how that informed their characters’ dynamic to the point of it being canonically discussed later. There’s a great Thor 2 deleted scene where Frigga talks to Thor about this exact thing. Frigga is such a fave of mine.

Sylvie telling Loki about her own past in turn made me very curious what her life was like and what the differences are. She seemed to have had a really hard time of it as a kid and I just want to hug her. (I also want to hug Loki, but that isn’t news.) Loki has had a very tough time, but really only after finding out he was adopted. He doesn’t appear to have had many friends on Asgard before (though I headcanon that he was friends with Lorelai before her exile, and since it’s my headcanon I imagine a similar situation with Amora, if not quite as close a friendship because comics Loki gets along better with Lorelai than her sister) but he at least had a family who loved him and who he loved, and a status as a prince that would’ve given him a good life and protection. Sylvie doesn’t seem to have had any of that as a kid. :(

“Surely there were some would-be princesses? Or perhaps a prince?” CANONICALLY BISEXUAL LOKI YES! YES.

Comics Loki is canonically both bisexual and genderfluid! Explicitly discussed on page, multiple times, and expounded on by writers too. (One of the most heartwarming Odin moments for me- yes, Odin does have heartwarming moments!- is when he’s telling his kids he loves them and he says something to the effect of “my son, my daughter, my child who is both.” The latter is Loki, the former are Thor and Angela. I might still be bitter over MCU Hela taking Angela’s place in the family sorry not sorry. This was in Original Sin: Thor and Loki, for anyone wondering.) I tend to default to he/him pronouns when talking about Loki because Loki tends to be male more in appearances, and also partly because it’s what I’m used to, but when Loki is clearly female I’ll of course switch to she/her. I have seen people use they/them pronouns for Loki too. I don’t think Marvel has ever said what pronouns Loki prefers though.

Speaking of which: I realize the “Sex: fluid” on Loki’s info card in episode 1 was probably foreshadowing Sylvie, but I kind of want to also read it as a nod to Loki being genderfluid. (Loki is also a shapeshifter, so gender would = sex in this case.) Whether it would be a nod to specifically comics Loki or also to MCU Loki is anyone’s guess as of now. We’ll find out I guess, or if it turns out to be strictly headcanon than it’s whatever floats your boat. :)

Back to the train scene!! Sylvie loudly protesting that she can’t sleep near people she doesn’t trust and then promptly falling asleep across from Loki a few minutes later made me emotional. ALTERNATE REALITY TWINS. Also VERY much a parallel to Loki falling asleep across from Mobius last episode.

Loki realizing that Asgard was really his home and his family really was his family only to also realize that he’ll never see either again and deciding to handle this by getting ABSOLUTELY DRUNK is SO ASGARDIAN OF HIM. I cannot. He even did the “Another!” *smashes glass* thing just to bring the point home.

Oh gosh, LOKI SINGING IN ASGARDIAN. FEEEEEEELS. I know, it’s actually Norwegian. I wonder a bit why they didn’t use Icelandic instead? Anyway, this was lovely and I love that going by the translation it’s a song of longing to go home, and it mentions Idunn’s apples of immortality. Apparently the full version of the song is going to be on the soundtrack and I’m so excited for that.

Loki’s metaphor of “love is a dagger” was actually quite good, he and Sylvie just lost the thread of it right at the end there. I wrote about this in tags somewhere, I’ll copy it in here later.

Edit: here’s an edited version of what I wrote on this post: This was a great metaphor until it got away from him. So close to the point (heh) and then they veered right away. Let me finish this for them: “Love is a dagger. It’s a weapon for far away and up close. You can see yourself in it. It’s beautiful. You have to give it to the right person.” So what this scene tells us about Loki is that he’s been hurt by love because it hasn’t been real. Or hasn’t felt real to him. Maybe he’s given it to the wrong people, or maybe he couldn’t tell who the right people were. (And if this is in reference to his family then I think he’s still too close to the revelation of his identity to be able to think clearly about the situation. Because his family DID love him! Even Odin. He just lost sight of that with everything happening.) Love is also about trust. And Loki doesn’t trust easily.

I really love this quote and this scene. Kinda want to do a “Love is a dagger” graphic of i ever have time.

I also wouldn’t be surprised if Loki and Sylvie come back to this conversation and come to a more satisfying conclusion. I hope that happens actually.

Sylvie using her headpiece against an opponent in the train fight instantly made me think of Wonder Woman. A+. Also, I haven’t mentioned yet but I love the fact that Sylvie’s headpiece looks exactly like God(dess) of Stories Loki’s from Agent of Asgard. Loki’s Ragnarok headpiece definitely had big AoA Loki vibes, but Sylvie’s headpiece is much closer- mostly it’s smaller, which is very Agent of Asgard Loki in general, but the one horn being cut off is specifically a God(dess) of Stories Loki thing and I love that they pulled from that.

Loki throwing the dagger and missing because he’s drunk was hilarious. Not good for Sylvie, but hilarious to watch. Don’t fight while drunk, Loki. Also, he threw “love” at Sylvie and I laughed when I realized that.

I didn’t realize until I saw a parallel gifset of it why Loki carefully going up to Sylvie after her scream felt so familiar- it’s just like how he went up to Thor after Thor overturned the table in Thor 1. The CONTINUINTY!! Absolutely amazing.

While trying to save the Ark Loki was probably thinking a lot about what he saw in the TVA clips of his own people trying to escape Asgard during Ragnarok and that hits kind of hard.

Loki apparently using telekinesis to stop the column from falling on him and Sylvie threw me off a lot until I saw another gifset that included the moment in Thor 2 (trailers only, I think) when he finds out Frigga is dead and all the furniture close to him breaks and flies away from him. The pose was even the same as when he stopped the column. I think he can sort of... push things away from him? (Almost like a Force Push 🤔) He seems to need to stop and tense up his arms while he does it though. And it doesn’t have the green effect the rest of his magic does, which is odd.

Speaking of Loki’s powers, I’ve said this in tags for sure but I’m so happy they’re FINALLY letting Loki hit people with green magic bolts. He does tend to prefer more subtle uses of magic, but I still can’t believe it took over 4 movies for that to happen. It’s kind of a no-brainer magic attack- probably exactly why Loki prefers other things- but you’d think he would’ve done it at least once after 4 movies.

I saw a post point out that by the end of the episode, Sylvie has lost both her headpiece and her cloak/robe thing, which makes me wonder if she’s going to get a new outfit by the end of the show. Or at least different accessories. I’m also curious if she’s going to take up the Enchantress moniker by the end of the show.

Finishing this with theme analysis and theory time:

The revelation that TVA agents used to be variants and were somehow reprogrammed makes so much sense. There’s something immediately shifty about the idea of 3 Time Keepers dictating the fate of everyone in infinite multiverses, and this just solidifies the hint that the Time Keepers are going to be the overall Big Bads. Which makes sense, narratively! But this shifts the TVA agents from villains to victims. Mobius gets to stay sympathetic and so does Sylvie, AND once the TVA agents find out about their origins it puts the same choice onto them that Loki has. They all have a choice now about who they’re going to be. They’re not who they thought they were, but are they going to let themselves be defined by what other people (here, the Time Keepers) think they should be, or are they going to be who they want to be.

This is exactly what Loki: Agent of Asgard is about, by the way. And I know I said in the last post that Loki’s greatest villain is himself, but I’m going to amend that because I didn’t say it quite right. Loki’s greatest villain is his evil self. Loki the god of evil, the Loki that is the villain. Loki (and all the other Asgardians) in Agent of Asgard is genuinely a god, and AoA tells us that gods are defined by belief- they are what people believe them to be. That’s how they exist. So because so many people believe Loki is an evil villain, the universe tries to twist him to fit that role. The plot of AoA is Loki trying to avoid that fate, to be better, be who he wants to be. It’s a meta story. It’s Loki trying to break free of the narrative he’s been part of up until that point. And eventually he manages to break the fourth wall itself and take control of his own narrative by becoming the god of stories. He controls his own story and it no longer matters what other people think he is, only what he thinks of himself. Nobody else gets to change or define him.

AoA’s villain is a future version of Loki that does go back to being evil. He’s basically the cosmic force- destiny, the narrative itself, etc- that’s trying to fit Loki into the “evil” box personified. Loki is seemingly taking that idea and subbing in a different personification for that same idea of lack of choice: the Time Keepers. We know from the Miss Minutes short in episode 1 that the Time Keepers want one timeline. We don’t know if that’s actually to prevent a multiversal war like the short suggests or if that’s just propaganda. When Loki tries to find out more about the war or about the beginning or end of time in episode 2, he can’t access those documents. Something doesn’t seem right there.

Edit: Also, in episode 2 Loki compares the TVA to Asgard by saying both the TVA agents and Asgardians are equally stupid. The reveal of who the TVA agents are adds a new dimension to that comparison. They both see themselves as guardians of the world around them, special, but really they’re no more special than the people they’re fighting to protect. Or in other words, they’re only as “special” (“heroic,” really) as they make themselves.

Also an edit: damn I just realized the continued stupidity of R*gnarok having Fenris and Odin in the same movie and Odin dies but get killed by Fenris. Asgardians have a saying about watching for wolves’ teeth.

I’ve seen the theory around that Sylvie might be a former TVA agent (which seems to be backed up by the midseason trailer I very belatedly saw, oh my GOD TINY SYLVIE!!!!! But also oh no tiny Sylvie at the TVA :() and I really like that. It makes sense. Maybe she went rogue because she realized the TVA is preventing people from choosing for themselves. Maybe she even knows what it is the Time Keepers actually want. Or maybe she’s doing this just for herself because she didn’t enjoy being brainwashed by the TVA and she doesn’t like being told who to be! That is after all part of “what makes a Loki a Loki,” even if she doesn’t use that name anymore.

I’m also wondering (hoping?) if maybe her being a former TVA agent could explain why she’s a mashup of different characters, instead of it just being Marvel mashing characters together because they can. This is mostly wild speculation, but could the TVA possibly have put multiple people’s timelines/memories inside her head? What if she’s in universe an amalgamation of a Loki, an Amora, and/or a Sylvie?

We’ve had some clips of what looks like a Thor 1 era Loki in front of the throne on Asgard- which looks different to me; maybe Loki redecorated? We’ve also gotten a shot of Loki in front of a ruined NYC skyline, including Avengers Tower. Maybe we’ll get an episode where Loki wins and we’ll see different timelines where he wins in different ways, until he realizes that this isn’t actually what he wants?

Whoops this got long??? Thanks for reading if you read this far!

[daddy-daichis]

Yesterday the very beautiful and talented @fuwari-s tagged me in this game and since that post is already really long i figured id make a new one lol  (Also thank you for tagging me, it made me so happy)

The Game: Tag your 2D lovers + the other trend I saw yesterday and wanted to do which is Would you actually date them IRL. So ill put that under the cut because it is a lot.

HQ: Atsumu, Daichi, Issei, Bokuto, Hinata, and Kyoutani

BNHA: Bakugou, Denki, and Hawks

JJK: Sukuna and Mei Mei

Others: Kagami from KNB, Levi and Jean from AOT, and Mikoto Suoh from K

So if you want to know if i would date them irl that is below the cut lol

As for tagging... if you want to do it :) @eijirosriot @bokutosnumberonefan @hinosreis @tetsus-kitten @sugawarakoushihoe @mynameisjackattack and anyone else who wants to do one or both of these challenges.

Alright so would i date these men (+ mei mei) in real life. Short answer is yes lmao. Long answer, with some headcanons that may or may not  venture into 18+ category but only slightly. all aged up to be my age which is 26.

Atsumu - PLEASE, YES

we would be so chaotic together but he would also be really loving. As long as he can still prioritize me in a relationship, not over volleyball, just as much, then we will be golden. We would have such a good time and i feel like we would have a lot of fun bickering, which i really enjoy. Play fighting as a form of foreplay, if you will lmao. We’d probs be friends in HS and then get together after he starts playing for MSBY and he is secured in his position (and himself tbh). I just love this cocky bastard. he also gives me switch vibes and as a switch, i love that for me.

Daichi - YES

All i need is to be wrapped in his arms on the daily and i would be happy. Man would know how to take care of me and that is all. Love of my life, too good for this world. Wholesome husband. He would be able to manage my crazy side and chill me out when i get to anxious. I would want to be bratty just to get him to drop his good guy routine sometimes and I feel like he would like that.

Issei - YES

Funeral home employee can get it. Matsukawa Horse cock Issei can whisk me off my feet and straight into bed. we would have a lot of fun picking on oikawa together (out of love of course) but we would balance each other out a lot. His darker humor would go well against my lighter humor. Also I feel like our level of hotness is pretty comparable... like we aren't the prettiest in the friend group but still good (if that makes sense)

Bokuto - YES

Big ball of sunshine to light up my day, he would literally fuck the sad out of me every day I just know it. Like atsumu, as long as I am a priority to him itll work out. We also kind of have the same sad moods so I feel like we could either both just curl up on the couch together and watch a movie or bring the other out of a funk easily. I love this giant himbo so much.

Hinata - most likely yes

Pretty much the same reasons as bokuto but I feel like I would get drained of his energy faster, so he would def have to cuddle me more. For everyone else so far I can imagine being high school sweethearts, but with hinata i think he wouldnt settle down until later, or even start dating so it would probably be a lot of pining and watching him from the side lines for a while, which would be really hard tbh. but the way he would smile at me after a match would make it worth it so...

 Kyoutani - Hard YES

I love a boy with anger issues, what can i say... (cough couch my irl husband with anger issues couch couch) I would love to be his weak spot and the one person he would go to to help him not feel angry anymore. I think that my fun personality would help him to unbox himself a bit. I just want to give him cuddles and a place to feel accepted. id also i KNOW hes a monster in bed... 

Bakugou - FUCKING HARD YES, PLEASE

if he was real the things i would do to and for him... A lot like kyoutani i would want to give him a place where hes accepted, and a place where he is unconditionally loved. I would be able to handle his misguided anger and calm him down and give him space. I headcanon that hes very cuddly in private to just his S/O which is something that i love. I love his lil smirk and would do anything to get him to smirk at me. As long as he is able to set me as a priority it would work out, but that would be what he struggles with so it would be a thing we would have to talk about. But I also feel that once you say something about it he would check in with you because of course he has to be the best bf/husband. I feel like I could talk for hours about him so Ill just wrap it up by saying that I love me a passionate man who would probs be a lil possessive, and I would use that to my advantage. 

Denki - GOD YES

I really do think that denki and I are soulmates. we are both the perfect blend of funny, pervy, while still being soft. I feel like there would be a lot of mutual pining at first but he would end up the golden retriever gamer boy to my alt bisexual and thats just the perfect pairing. We would pull so much shit and then get away with it because thats just us being us. I see us being scolded by bakugou a lot for the stupid shit we would pull. Also late night drives in his shitty tuned car to taco bell while we sing alt rock songs from the 2010s. also the switch vibes are immaculate.

 Hawks - Probably

So it would honestly depend a lot on what version of hawks.. him in the hero commission is a no, because he wouldnt be able to be honest with me about a lot of stuff. Like his name, or when i can see him again, and that would give me too much anxiety. When hes free of them and is actually allowed to be himself I think it could work then. I know that he of course wants to still be the best hero, so he would have the same problems as bakugou with finding a balance, but if he wants to i think he could. He would also have a lot of trauma from his relationship with his parents and the commission so I dont know if he would be able to give his love away as freely as he wants so we could get therapy together. I love that for us. But i would happily wake up next to this beautiful birb man if he would have me.  

Sukuna - A hesitant yes

so.. the anger issues that ive mentioned before.. yes. I would like sukuna. I would be his lil bride and sit on his lap on his throne as long as he didnt kill my loved ones or my cats lmao. I would also be ok with being his and itadoris gf while hes living in itadoris head. being with him is just asking for an unhappy ending tho, whether its a life always on the run, or someones trying to kill me, or someones trying to kill him, or hes trying to kill someone. But yes i would like to be with him but that would mean sacrificing a lot. 

Mei Mei - god yessssss..

Please Mei Mei step on me and make me ur lil house wife. I see us living in a pent house apartment with the most breathtaking view of the Tokyo skyline. I would want for nothing and she could take me where ever she wanted and i would just follow her around with heart eyes.

 Kagami - YES

my basketball husband! i love him and would love to be loved by him. Id follow him wherever. He would take care of me and is just so dreamy.. also i guess the mild anger issues.. but hes really not that bad. He would just be such a good s/o. He would cook us nice dinners, wed have a few cats, and he would carry me around a lot because hes so strong. While were on the topic of strong... his stamina... everyone on this list probably has good if not great stamina... but kagami just hits different..... have you seen him in the zone? have you seen his thighs? his sex zone has got to be incredible. 

 Levi - Yes

I was going to say it depends, but really it doesn't... if were in the aot universe and hes my captain and I fall in love with him u can bet ur ass im gonna try and get with him because i could die at anytime. if its some au where he is here in our universe and somehow we meet... like of course im gonna be in love with him. our height difference isnt too bad, im only like an inch or 2 taller than him. I think we would both have a great time together. I would make him laugh, and he would help me clean, because lord knows I hate cleaning. BUT i hate cleaning because its something that I always have to do alone, and I feel like levi would have us be cleaning together like he makes the scouts do. and hes just so sexy... 

Jean - big yes

This beautiful handsome man... idk what to even say about him. Hes strong, funny, handsome, cocky, but very much full of love. would love to run away from the world with him. I feel like if he was in love with me before *tries not to give away spoilers* the marco incident (?) that after he would become very clingy and attached and im ok with that. There would have to be lots of cuddles and reassurances and i just want to see him happy and not at war, with both real life people and himself... id give him the best kisses and he would become addicted to them. 

Mikoto - No? But maybe...

I feel like we could be.. but if you watched the show then you know.. But i would love to be Homra’s princess TBH. No one would mess with me or they would have to face the wrath of my big fire boyfriend and his whole ass gang. But on the other hand I feel like Mikoto wouldnt allow himself to fall in love, so it would probably be a hush hush topic. everyone knows the boss and I are in an entanglement, but they cant talk about it. Then Anna starts asking questions to Mikoto and he has to come clean to her, which would be so cute. He tells her is a secret but she doesn't care lmao. in conclusion, I would want to, but I dont think he would let me.... Maybe friends with benefits tho....

............................................................................................

ok if you read all this im officially in love with you. Please take my heart. 

This took me like 2 hours to do because I love thinking about it so much. if you have any thoughts about any of this hop into my dms or comment on this because id love to hear them (especially if you think i belong with one more than the others lmao). 

[stranger-who-writes-fiction]

♫ Surfing on a soundwave, Swinging through the stars, Take a left at your intestine, Take your second right past mars!

On the Magic School smelly space bus! ♫

SPOILERS for Supergirl: Woman of Tomorrow #2!

This is a comic where, the longer I sit with a particular issue, the more I’m like, ‘yeah. Yeah. YEAH.’

It’s dense in a way that invites the reader to go through it multiple times, and rewards additional readthroughs.

Also, it helps that the art is FREAKING AMAZING.

Seriously. Evely and Lopes should draw and color everything, forever, always.

(I will honestly be shocked if they don’t get an Eisner nom for this book.)

Anyways, all of this to say: Another issue that I enjoyed. It has one of the most genuinely sweet Supergirl moments I’ve seen in the comics in a good long while.

So, if you’re looking for a quick thumbs up/thumbs down rating, thumbs up!

If you’d like some SPECIFICS, though...

THE STORY

King is an evil genius because we don’t pick up where we left off--rather, we start in the midst of the Space Bus journey.

There is technically a Big Action Scene, but I was honestly surprised by how...casually? the story progressed.

Essentially: Kara and Ruthye are forced to travel by bus because 1.) Krem stole Kara’s rocket and 2.) this corner of the universe doesn’t have the right stars, so Kara’s still recovering from being under a red sun for an extended period of time.

The bus makes occasional stops; they encounter a space dragon; Kara takes some Red Kryptonite and saves the day; they eventually arrive on a planet with a yellow sun. 

And again, all of this occurs with a kind of...breezy ease that I was not expecting at all.

I assumed that the space dragon fight would make up the final moments of the issue, after having built up the problem to a point where Kara needed to intervene.

But, noooope. The space dragon happens somewhere in the middle, which helps sell the central idea that this is simply Kara’s life. She’s been there, done that. She’s a badass who takes it all in stride.

But! Important to note! Ruthye still marvels at the sight of Kara taking out the space dragon, as well she should, because:

OH MY GOD. THE aRT.

There’s only so many times I can say, ‘it’s phenomenal, it’s gorgeous, it’s stunning’ before sounding like a broken record.

But it is. It truly is. This is the prettiest monthly book on the stands right now.

(Realizing I’ve been spelling Ruthye wrong this entire time, maybe? IDK. Apologies if I have.)

It’s in the final moments of the book that we learn what transpired after Krem shot Kara and Krypto and fled: Kara managed to get Krypto and Ruthye to a healer, and then passed out for a week. 

Ruthye and Kara recovered, buuuuut...

Krypto is still very near death because the arrow was poisoned.

The healer can’t treat him until he has a sample of the poison.

Which Krem has.

(See where this is going?)

So! Kara regains her powers! Ruthye has a super on her side! KRYPTO’S LIFE HANGS IN THE BALANCE!

Gimme. Issue. 3. STAT.

THE CHARACTERS

Very much enjoyed Ruthye in this issue!

There’s a really tricky balancing act you gotta pull off when writing child characters; you don’t want to just write them as tiny adults, but you also don’t want to be obnoxious or cloying in trying to write ‘true-to-age.’

King gives himself a bit of a cheat, by setting her up as a rock farmer from a...what would you call it. An old-fashioned planet? And thus the kind of character who had to ‘grow up fast’ and behaves more maturely than your typical pre-teen might.

BUT! IMPORTANTLY! This is tempered by placing Ruthye in situations where her (understandable) ignorance is challenged/put to the test. Like, yes, she is mature, and well-spoken, and utterly tenacious, but she’s also out of her depth, and still in need of help and guidance.

(Which is how we get to The Best Scene which I’ll get to in just a sec.)

TL;DR - this issue has really sold me on Ruthye as our POV character and I am officially Invested in the relationship between her and Kara.

Speaking of...

It’s KARA-CTERIZATION TIME!

So, okay. There’s some ‘eh’ stuff in this one, but, BUT!

We got the goods again.

And by ‘goods’ I mean this:

Whatever other nitpicks I have (and I do! Have one! Which I’ll get to!) THIS. This right here! This is Supergirl. This is Kara.

And what a beautiful line to introduce this moment:

“And it began--as most things begin when you’re dealing with Supergirl--with a moment of kindness.”

It’s the same gentle concern we saw in the previous issue, where Kara knelt down to address Ruthye eye-to-eye. 

Here, Kara’s facial expression, and the way she takes Ruthye’s hands and shows her what to do...

It’s just. SO SWEET.

Ahhhhh it’s so good. :D

So good! In fact! That the above scene offsets my one complaint, which is that Kara came off as harsh, IMO, when addressing the bus passengers, looking for Red K. 

Other good stuff from this particular portion of the book: we get Kryptonese (maybe? I think?) And a mention of Kara’s mother being strict about certain things, which is in keeping with the 2000s series version of Alura.

Ruthye also asks if Kara ever tried to avenge the death of her family/culture and she says no; Ruthye says that she heard a lifetime of regret in Kara’s response, which I suppose could be read one of two ways:

1.) That she regrets her choice not to avenge them, or 2.) that she regrets not having the option to avenge them, as there was no one person to punch, no single action that could rectify the destruction of the entire planet.

I personally prefer the second reading.

Which I suppose contradicts the recent-ish “Killers of Krypton” arc, but who knows what is and isn’t canon anymore, honestly. XD

As for the rest of the issue! I found myself thinking of a Grant Morrison interview, actually.

Morrison apparently met a Superman cosplayer at a con and that’s when the character clicked for them: “[The superman cosplayer] was so in the character, but what really got me was the way he was sitting. It was this absolutely relaxed pose with one knee up and the arm bent over, and that’s what broke Superman for me. Suddenly I realized that Superman wouldn’t be a poser, he wouldn’t be a Muscle Beach steroid guy; he’d actually be completely relaxed because nothing could hurt him. He could be so open and friendly to everyone because no one can punch him or hurt him. He can’t get a cold, or be damaged by anything you’re carrying or wearing. For me that was the power of that, whether you want to frame it as magical or not, it actually informed the stories I wanted to write. I felt I understood him in a way I hadn’t until that moment.”

That’s always stuck with me, the idea that Clark would be the most at-ease, chill guy you'd ever talk to.

And THAT, I think, is what we’re seeing here with Kara. That at-ease-ness.

But in a way that is distinct from Clark! In the above quote, it’s clear that Morrison thinks it’s Clark’s powers that are the reason he can be so relaxed and at ease.

But Kara is de-powered here. So why is she so chill?

Because Kara is an alien.

Kara’s in her element, here. She’s used to space travel, she knows the ins-and-outs, she’s not shocked by any of the weird stuff they encounter on their journey. 

Love it. LOVE. IT.

I am SO GLAD that King decided to go with Kara being the wizened mentor, as opposed to the naïve kid learning to be tough. It’s a much more interesting angle, IMO.

Also NO MENTION OF RIVALRY BETWEEN KARA AND CLARK. WOO. LET’S KEEP THIS ROLLIN’.

Alright, last, but certainly not least:

THE GOOD BOY! KRYPTO!

When I tell you I stress-read this entire comic first thing in the morning...XD

And I am STILL stressed. And a little sad that Krypto doesn’t get to go on another space adventure but! This is MIGHTY PREFERABLE to what I *thought* was going to happen, which is that Krypto would die from his injuries, and Kara would likewise be out for revenge. 

Fortunately, that is not the case! 

So like, the stakes?!?! Suddenly sky high. Find that dirtbag Krem and GET THAT POISON BACK TO THE HEALER!!

ART and MISC. STUFF THAT I LOVE

I generally don’t like to post entire pages of a comic, or panels without context, but the...reach? of this blog is extremely limited so. I think we’ll be okay. XD

So, alright! Some moments that I particularly enjoyed!

One of the panels that Mat Lopes shared early on! 

I want this lettered version on a mug.

(Also she looks very ’Grace Kelly-ish’ here.)

Love Kara’s facial expression and her line about space travel being more fun when you can fly.

From the same portion of the book--such a neat detail that Kara keeps her cash in her sleeve!

Another set of panels that I think Tom King shared a few months back.

Love Kara’s little smirk, and the, “I’m wearing a big yellow S on my chest, and a very fashionable red skirt.”

It IS fashionable. WE SUPPORT THE SKIRT, IN THIS HOUSE.

Also the slrrrrrrp. XD

It’s good.

Okay, 1.) VERY COOL SCI-FI DESIGN and 2.) that line is great. “Can you feel it, Ruthye? We’re getting closer. The stars are changing.”

Mmmm, them good cosmic Kara vibes.

Kara’s attitude about the Red K here is fun, like, ‘WELP, sometimes you turn into a monster, sometimes you don’t!’ but again, the line is what gets me.

“Did my hair move?”

“I do not believe so.”

XD

Honestly? I could post the whole comic here. Evely’s vision of ‘public transit, but space’ is just so immediately...not ‘real’, necessarily, because there’s such a fantastical element to it all, but it is fully realized. I think I used the phrase ‘lived-in’ and that’s it--this world feels like it has always existed; every grimy nook and cranny, every rando space bus traveler.

And Mat Lopes’ colors!

There are like, five distinct color palettes at work in this issue, and Lopes handles them all masterfully.

I think my favorite is the...I’ll call it ‘ethereal space aquarium’ lighting in the bus as they view the space dragon.

The glow and the shadows and the blues and pinks...

GGGGGGGGAAAHHHHHHHHHH so goooooooood

So, yeah. :D

I am very much enjoying this weird, wild ride with small, precocious Ruthye and wizened, crusty Kara. XD There’s some stuff that I don’t *love* but my goodness, it could be a lot worse!

Let us end on the beautiful title page: