#This is a little rambly and doesn't have a cohesive point but I just need to ramble

[fire-plays-totk]

Not sure if it's just something I dislike from a storytelling perspective or if it's just something I find deeply tragic about TOTK, but isn't it fucked how the same misfortunes tend to follow Link and Zelda? TOTK Link is gravely injured and gets stuck in a stasis to heal him before he wakes up weakened and confused, with the weight of the world on his shoulders again. TOTK Zelda is stuck trying to figure out some way to help and ultimately comes to the conclusion she must sacrifice herself. Like we've done this before??

Except in BOTW everything feels like a direct consequence of the reincarnation cycle. How Link was forced into knighthood as a child and how Zelda is expected to harness her sealing power only because of her bloodline. Hell, even how Ganon has warped into this terrifying force of nature and lost any shred of humanity. Everything is a result of thousands of years of the same song and dance over the triforce and it directly impacts these three characters arguably much more than their predecessors. So I guess it's a little lame that TOTK's reason for all the same things happening again is kinda just "Shit sucks I guess. Boom. Time travel."

[dicenete]

Hey, I'm rambling about IkePri again

Okay, I just need to get these thoughts I have about Gilbert von Obsidian out because I enjoy predicting stuff and overthinking design and narrative choices even tho they might not be right. :P But there really isn't that much predicting other than me overthinking about narrative and design choices. This time there will be most likely spoilers of Gilbert's route so far, and route of Clavis and some thoughts I have just gathered while playing the game in general. I try to put these thoughts in cohesive order, but well... I don't know if I can really, because I just need to get these out of my head. These are my thoughts, ramblings and opinions. Feel free to form your own and certainly disagree with me! I apologize about the lack of art in this post. I'm busy with work currently so no fanart for a while. I'm also not native English speaker, so there might be grammatical errors and such. Sorry about that. Everything under the cut.

To start with Ikemen Prince is a romance visual novel first and foremost. That doesn't mean it can't be deep (and it certainly has been deeper than I initially expect, which left me positively surprised). I suppose there is somesort of thematic vibe that there is no prince whose ideals are the main thesis of the game itself. But that also kinda leaves that fact there is no huge catharsis regarding the world and it's state. Everything so far has been left quite open. And the more I have learned about lore of the world, I really feel like anti-monarchist here xd Clavis really sold me the idea for real. Or atleast throw away the absolute monarchy. That's where I think things should go, but that's my own belief. (really, the last king of Rhodolite... He umm... I have some opinions.) Chevalier and Gilbert First things first: I don't hate or dislike Chevalier as a character. There are just some things that give me Deus Ex Machina feels. But I know it is what they are going for with him. This genius that so far ahead of everyone that it is so alien concept to rest of the people. And well that is a very hard concept to pull off without being a genius yourself as a writer. Or that is what I feel like. But what I do love is what the writers are doing with him and Gilbert in thematic sense! (Hence why Chev x Gilbert sounds so juicy to me)

I really took steps to the deep end as I started to think about why I have enjoyed Gilbert's route or was interested in his story to begin with, but have little interest in trying Chev's one. Because they are so similar but they really aren't.

How I would describe it is that where as Clavis is the complementary to Chev, the purple to his yellow, the emotionality vs rationality, the heart vs the brain, Gilbert is more like right brain to Chev's left brain. If it makes sense like that xd Their color schemes are harmonious. Not opposite. Almost like how Nokto and Licht's color schemes are harmonious with each others.

(Nokto (Blue + white + gold) vs Licht (Blue + black + gold)) Not to mention that their names clearly are meant to mean light and dark. (Licht: variant for light, Nokto: comes form latin nox or noctis, meaning night = dark) But that is a rambling for another time.) Both their crests are tigers. White and black tiger. Chev's color scheme is White + gold and black. Whereas Gilbert's is Black + gold and white. But then the overall color that game devs use to signal about the characters baffles me a bit. Gold/Yellow vs Black/dark red. They don't seem to have too much connection or that of which comes to my mind quickly and without digging deeper. (because I believe that if you dig deep enough, you have digged yourself into a trap of overthinking about things. (Justifying things because you want to justify them, which I'm not big fan of. And sometimes things don't need meaning and we have to live with that. As much as it pains my overthinker brain.)) But here is my impressions about Gilbert so far. I'm at the point where MC has left the Clavis's party (I loved it btw). Gilbert really does give me toxic INFJ villain feels, but let's not get too hang up on terms such as that. But he is someone who is driven forth by his own ideals and desire to change the world better. He, like Clavis, seems to cloak himself in this idea that he is the villain and is okay, even happy, to take that role. He is the one who, like Chevalier, has thrown away emotional attachment out of the window (or so they say) unlike Clavis who makes his choices based more on emotion rather than rational thinking. Maybe that's why I like Clavis and Gilbert, they push MC out of their black and white thinking. That things are not so easy peezy as "choose a right king and everyone will be happy". There will always be someone who is mad about it. That's why I really loved the scene with Gilbert with the orphaned kids and the Clavis's party. He seems to enjoy the company of children (who are not morally corrupted or tainted) and he really empathically listens to those who are angry. He believes in the idea that "no one remembers what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel". (A quote with debatable origin, people say that it was coined by Maya Angelou. But I really love this quote, because I think it is the truth.) Gilbert isn't trying to rationalize against someone's choices with pure intellect. He uses empathy to guide him to the most rational outcome in that emotional scope. But he also uses this to manipulate people with fear. He uses fear extensively and he does it actively. Where as I feel like Chev just has that aura about him automatically. Hence my next thought: Action vs Stasis!

Gilbert and Clavis are action oriented. They shake the gameboard, they make the first moves. Gilbert probably more than Clavis. They both want change. Is it change for the better, we will see, I still haven't finished Gilbert's route but he really gives me this "I'm willing to become the greatest threat so that people unite to defeat me." or "I will conquer all so there will no longer be wars.". Chev, on the other hand, symbolizes stasis. His goal is to keep the kingdom of Rhodolite going. That's his duty and he is willing to take it. (even tho we can debate if that is something he really really believes in or even thinks about that much. I feel like it is out of obligation rather than of personal ideal. But alas, I have not played Chev's route yet.) Chev is reactive rather than proactive. He waits for the opponent to make the first move and reacts accordingly. (I'm not saying he is not reactive once game is on. More like "if there was not threat to deal with, he wouldn't create one".)

Chev doesn't care what you think about him. Gilbert does. He might seem like he doesn't but he is really there to prove a point. (I will pick up his dislike for lying later >.>) Chev is not. Chev knows that his way is the right way for him and that is enough for him. Chev also actively makes a "gettaway plan" for himself in Clavis. He knows that Clavis is the final thread that keeps him from going overboard because he understand that he has to be blind for "individual people" aspect to be a good ruler. Gilbert probably understands this about himself too, but he is trying to prove a point. So he needs to go overboard. Because masses of people need absolutes to react to. If it is something banal, it won't do. His evil actions need to shake the very foundation of ideas. The people have to face those things head on and see it for themselves. They cannot be sheltered. Gilbert gives me the vibes that he is willing to sacrifice himself not for the kingdom, but for the betterment of all mankind. He is happy to become the villain #1 if that means that other people will rise and take down the corrupted Obsidian or the corrupted idea. I would say that he is Lawful Good going on about things like Lawful Evil.

Gilbert asking questions means that he wants you to think, he wants to challenge your opinions and how you look at the world. Same as Clavis. They yearn for change. They want to change the world. Where as Chev wants to maintain things as they are. Chev "If it is not broken, we don't need to fix it" Michel. Where as Clavis and Gilbert want to improve the system. They are idealistic. Gilbert and lying

This is something very interesting. At first I thought that he was all "I dislike when people lie to me." but he really is "I dislike lying in all its forms." And he does say that he doesn't lie. And I'm starting to believe that is really the case. All the things he says are true. But because how other people see him, they are suspicious anyway. Like MC is. Like we all probably are when we start the route and think "So what is your trauma, baby girl?" When he is unsure or knows that he shouldn't say the thing he really thinks or that is true, he will deflect or give a very vague response. Which makes me quite happy to replay his route at somepoint with this in mind. In conclusion: Welcome to my TED talk, with no head or tail, just me overthinking about things about a otome gacha game. If you read this far, thank you for your time. Remember, if I ramble about it, it just means that I'm invested. Have a good day~

[whatevertheweather]

Hi hello. I miss y'all. That is my own fault but it's still true, and I'm writing this on saturday night and feeling maudlin about how wonderful and talented and dear this fandom is and how I never join in anymore, so I'm making my little post okay.

I'm going with Musical Chairs again because it's so far past time for that to be done. And I've said this before, but it is approaching done. And I'm gonna get into that, but it'll all be behind the scenes rambling, so it's below the cut, and for those who don't want to delve that far, here is some freshly written Penny POV.

“Ah,” Shepard smiled, “a good deed wasn’t motive enough on its own?” “Not when it’s for a stupid reason.” “What is your un-stupid reason?” “Un-stupid?” Penny repeated. She turned resolutely to her drink. “Nevermind. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.” “Hey now,” Shepard said, ducking into her line of sight. “You struck me as someone who prefers being honest.” It was a job not to smile at that, but Penny put the work in.

Now for the mess.

It's a good mess I think. I have a new section in my miscellany document, tucked in between nine (9) sections of ramblings and cut scenes, and the new section is called "we got it this time boys," and I think it's right. I've written a full draft of the scene that's been holding us all back. It's there in its entirety, it just needs to be edited. And I'm so scared to reread it, because every time I think I got this scene right I come back and it's wrong. Which I've decided to be fine with, because so what!!! So what if I got 36k right and there's 5k that doesn't quite hit the way I want it to!!! The earth will keep spinning!!!

Anyway, "we got it this time boys" is 3 pages of what is technically kind of an outline for 5 pages of story, and every time I read the header it's in the voice of someone from some black-and-white hardboiled detective noir, which brings me the joy that might be the only reason I feel I've gotten it right in the first place. The outline is all written about as cohesively as it starts:

I think maybe, and gosh haven’t I said this a million times, I just need to stop trying to go that way. Stop trying to go any way. Like always “how do I get them to this moment” instead of “what would they do in this situation.” Unfortunately, the latter requires I connect with them on a level I’m not sure I can right now. But I guess let’s try. Actually let’s go for a walk, I can see the sun setting on the top of the house across the way and it’s lovely. Okay nice, it was lovely. Relaxing, refreshing. Saw a stump that looked like a beaver. Saw a cat. Thought of the opening to something I’m never going to write. So anyway,

It also sort of ends with:

Oh shit came up on an obstacle immediately. [Redacted]. This does not actually open the door for Baz to say something that can incite “[Redacted].” Fuck god okay whoops already going completely back on all I’ve decided and thinking maybe we could keep some of the new exchange I’d written, maybe he does reveal the ugh no stop I hate this. Just figure out a transition to bring in [...], what would Baz say to that other than what I’ve written him saying to that which doesn’t work for what I’m trying to do. I guess it could just be, like…he murmurs incorrigible. Or something. With a raised brow, a la baz. Sure let’s do that, however, I’ve laid down to do this and learned I’m actually quite sleepy, so let’s do it another time. Hopefully I don’t come up on another immediate problem and despair. Just remember not to start combining things and rereading things yet, okay. Please.

This would be alarming if I hadn't already gotten past this point and written the thing. So I'm going to go into editing it with the mindset that nothing substantial shall change and boohoo to me if I want it to, and once that's done we're pretty much home free.

Now tags.

Gonna dip a toe back into being melancholy and wistful about this fandom k, I really do miss it even though I'm the only one keeping me out. You're all my friends even if that is a surprise for you to hear because we haven't talked in months or maybe ever, but I love each and every one of you x

@fatalfangirl @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @moodandmist @cutestkilla @artsyunderstudy

@bookish-bogwitch @aristocratic-otter @mooncello @noblecorgi @alexalexinii

@rimeswithpurple @ivelovedhimthroughworse @basiltonbutliketheherb @whogaveyoupermission @facewithoutheart

@martsonmars @iamamythologicalcreature @run-for-chamo-miles @thewholelemon

@forabeatofadrum @youarenevertooold @ileadacharmedlife @monbons

[deer-carcasses]

somewhat an analysis of Alastor

I've been going over this multiple times while it was just some rambles in my notes, but I finally decided it might as well see the light of day. if you do read this all, thank you. if not,,, understandable. it's a lot.

if this whole things is not coherent at all and does some weird jumps, I'm sorry. I took multiple breaks writing this over the span of the whole day. it was even more of a mess, I promise this is the slightly cleaned-up version.

especially the later parts get less cohesive in my eyes since I had to take longer breaks in between them. they also might jump around more. but now, in case you do want to read this; enjoy.

obvious spoilers ahead

let's start with the most interesting aspect for me: we barely know Alastor. sure, we know a little about his backstory, and get snippets of interactions here and there, but it wasn't until well into the show that we got to know his character better. ep.5 was where we see something deeper than the shallow persona he puts on for everyone. he's been more of a helping hand to make the plot progress in an interesting direction than a character with obvious deeper meaning. I don't mean to say that he was not well-written, quite the contrary, I mean to point out that he seemed more like a tool in the story than a character we are supposed to connect with on deeper levels.

we all as viewers had no idea why exactly he was there, to begin with, he said it was for his own entertainment but even then, this seemed like an awful lot of work for him to come out more or less empty-handed most of the time. it's an unfair deal for Alastor if you ask me. and honestly, he does bring little less than "entertainment" to the table until then. being used to show that he is helping yes, but mostly doing it so he can pull someone else down with his help. double-sided blade. he loses, but whoever he helps also doesn't win.

let's talk about ep.5 though. in this episode it's the first time someone truly irritates him. he didn't really care much for Vox - seemingly finding his entire obsession rather funny and never seeing him as a true threat. and Sir Pentious he didn't even truly remember. but with Lucifer that changes. Alastor doesn't just see him as bothersome, he sees him as important enough to go out of his way to prove he is better than the literal king of hell himself. at first, you could argue that he's once again doing it for his entertainment. seeing how much he can push before he needs to get back in line. but looking closer, his body language betrays him.

the way Alastor holds himself shows a true disdain for Lucifer that is, from a viewer's perspective, totally unjustified. Lucifer did not start their weird rival dynamic, it was Alastor who from the beginning on looked down on the king. maybe it's a personal reason, maybe it's just the fact that Alastor is more than well aware that no matter how much power he gets, there's no way to get above Lucifer. his omnipresence might simply be an annoyance to Alastor because he knows as well as Lucifer that the king hasn't shown his face in a long time and his reputation and power over all of the pride ring, over all of hell, still stays in place. no real threat could shake Lucifer's power into crumpling and this thought alone might bother Alastor because he had to fight for his power, to keep his power. (see Vox having presumably more power with the modern media and all that before Alastor disappeared)

and there's also of course the whole bantering going on in Hell's greatest Dad. Are Alastor's words genuine when he speaks to Charlie, or is it just a tactic to get under Lucifer's skin, maybe not seeing his powers crumble but seeing the king's nerves being reduced to nothing by his hands.

I personally don't think he was being entirely truthful. he might not have straight up lied about everything, but I don't think he truly wishes Charlie to be his daughter. Charlie herself is more than a little surprised by how Alastor suddenly treats her, and that alone is proof enough for me that he wasn't being honest in his words. if it were true, wouldn't he have at least a slight fatherly touch towards her all the time? Later on, Angel Dust even somewhat points out that Alastor has never acted like this by asking what his [Alastor's] deal is. It shows me that no matter how badly he tries to make it seem real for Lucifer, it's not real for anyone else simply because they all know how he normally acts around them.

continuing to Mimzy for a short moment; she is proven to not be a reliable narrator at all so I don't want to really take what she tells about Alastor all too seriously. she even concludes her little tale about the radio demon with "That's the story most people know." which does not make it any true. something I thought is very interesting is that the only two people who might have any idea of how truthful Mimzy is in her story are both gone. Niffty, though she also does not seem like the most reliable narrator, is not part of this conversation, and Hus kates himself out of the scene almost in the same moment Mimzy starts talking about. Husk leaving is more important since he obviously knows more about not only Alastor but also the deal Alastor is bound to. Husk and Alastor might equally hate it, but Husk does seem to care about Alastor at least a little. warning the overlord about Mimzy and how she is known for only showing up when she needs something, and I'm sure Alastor is more than aware that Mimzy wouldn't show up simply to catch up with old friends, but still. the sentiment of Husk seeking Alastor out to warn him, and even mentioning how he [Alastor] has been gone for a while now, is in itself caring, especially when moments later the viewers find out how much more Husk seems to know about Alastor. it even seems as if he is aware of limitations, mentioning how it's "Big talk for someone who's also on a leash." coming from Alastor's deal, even if Alastor himself is ignoring them [see the line "Who in their right mind would cross me?"]

the whole fact that Husk even seems to know so much about Alastor's deal is confusing in a way. I can't see Alastor willingly going to Husk and telling him about not only the deal he made with someone above himself but also about the limitations of said deal, it just doesn't make sense for the character we know Alastor to be, and even when finishing the show my opinion doesn't change. it's even more prominent how he later hides away.

after this scene, Alastor isn't seen catching back up to Charlie, Vaggie, and Lucifer to continue annoying him simply by his presence. his outburst having left him apparently on edge - showing that he isn't as calm and calculated as he likes to pretend. he obviously struggles with his own anger, be it at Husk for bringing up that he knows about Alastor's deal, or himself for ever getting into the situation in the first place.

later we see Alastor taking care of Mimzy's problem -the loan sharks. he's not seen using his powers like he did when Sir Pentious attacked though, he willingly transforms into something eldritch to devour the threat instead of simply using the tentacles, which would've been just as easy for Alastor. in my eyes that's him getting rid of the last restlessness about his outburst at Husk. choosing to do it himself, showing he still has free will over what he does and doesn't do. if not proving it to Husk then proving it to himself that he can choose to do this. he goes all out, he even comments on it himself how he needs to let off steam and later on how he's important here and willingly choosing to be here, helping ["It's time to remind everyone [Husk] why I'm here."] Alastor needs Husk to know what happens when you cross him, and when you doubt him. because he took the comments about how long he's been gone and that he's also on a leash personally. I don't even think it's necessarily because Husk said it, it's that someone in hell said it. not a soul in hell is allowed to think that Alastor, the radio demon, is not strong enough to win every fight he chooses to start.

let me come back to Mimzy once more, as if this one scene scratching the surface of what lies underneath his smile-bright persona revealed by Husk wasn't enough we get Alastor being all buddy-buddy with Mimzy, who is not only acting like a friend to him but is also introduced as such. a normal friend to someone who is so obviously not normal.

but even with his more friendly behavior towards her, he ends up sending her away after the hotel has to suffer under the problem she brought along. ["I can't have that here."] If he was genuine with what he said then, why did he phrase it like that? I might be reading too much into it, but Alastor normally picks his words wisely enough to not let too much slip, and the sentence "I don't want this here." would've been better fitting for the situation, but he says can't have that here. new question, what can't he have here? Mimzy herself? someone who knows him better than the residence with maybe a habit of blabbering? or was it just the fact that it's her problems that he needs to fix? that he can't have her bringing more work than there already is at the hotel?

now making a bit of a jump, going from ep.5 to ep.7 this episode makes me mostly wonder about what Alastor could ask from Charlie later on based on the deal the two of them made. in terms of character, it gave us little besides his dynamic with Rosie and the entirety of cannibal city. though this was also not really anything new, more just what we already knew about Alastor in a new dynamic

there is one scene I do want to talk about though. his whole little speech around smiling. him actually standing by and admitting that he is hiding behind his smile did take me a second to actually realize what just happened, I did skip back to it because I was a little stunned by the absurdity of it all. after some thought it made sense that he might not mind it, Charlie does not know him well enough for this off-hand comment to truly affect anything for him, still it made me wonder. why would he reveal it to her? was he simply so sure that she wouldn't use it against him or did he think she wouldn't even think of using anything against him in this kind of way?

so it confirms that yes; Alastor uses his smile as a facade and also as a way to show he is above others who cannot hide behind a smile like he can. his smile means indifference to himself, neutrality. for him showing anything but the indifference that his smile represents is vulnerability. weakness.

let's move on to the actual "highlight" episode of "What We Learn about Alastor" ep.8

this surely was not the first time he got humbled badly by someone in a fight. it's what he wants to avoid most, the mask slipping, everyone seeing that he can be defeated, that he is not this otherworldly powerful being that not a soul in hell [or heaven] can touch. there had to be at least one very significant moment where he was powerless in a way. where he had to strike up a deal with someone higher, the one now binding him, now having him on a leash.

Alastor went into the fight with Adam overly confident, underestimating Adam's powers to the point he barely got away. he is, after all this, still a mortal soul. a sinner. Adam on the other hand was the first man which gives him roughly the same power Lilith must have. that in itself makes me think Alastor lasted a good deal longer in the battle than I would've thought. pure angelic powers far surpassing his own and he still 1) got away in the end and 2) was able to get in a few hits.

let's quickly touch on the fact that when Adam broke his microphone he seemed to be completely stunned, apparently not having thought that he could easily break his possession without any real resistance. I personally don't think his power is necessarily in the microphone [the was the simply gave it away to Charlie in ep.7 being my proof for why it can't be. he would never abandon his power just for Charlie to sing a song for a few cannibals] but what if it maybe is some kind of amplifier for it? maybe it's also pure placebo and Alastor was simply too stunned that Adam would go for the piece of equipment instead of for a deadly blow right away. the microphone surely was a confidence boost, feeling of being 'on air' the feeling of having his broadcast behind him while doing his everyday tasks giving him the boost he sometimes needs, his ego being constantly stroked by the knowledge that there would be countless sinners bowing to him if he simply said the words into his microphone. no longer being able to do that made him stutter in more ways than one, being momentarily careless, not prepared for Adam to strike again, deadly this time. he lost where he was in his performance, in his own show, and it made him mess up.

one interesting sentence is when Adam comments on how Alastor is just a mortal soul. "You should know better than anyone what a soul can accomplish when they take charge of their own fate." which makes me want to believe that's exactly what Alastor did, taking charge of his own fate. but the thing is that we know he did not. he made a deal with someone, and he doesn't have the ability to take charge of anything about his own being anymore. he's as much on a leash as he has Husk on one. that would only mean that he isn't at his full potential, held back by the deal he so desperately wants to get out of, and is actively looking for a way to get out of it. which turns this line into something else completely. Alastor reveals that he knows what he is capable of, but cannot parade his power due to his deal.

another interesting detail is his ears before he dissolves into his shadow. they are pinned back, showing not only agitation or fear but disorientation. he opens his mouth for no sound to come out and it frightens him to have come into this situation at all.

a big part of his mental disintegration in this moment surely is also the fact that if he had died at this moment, if Adams's hit was slightly more fatal, he would've died bound to the deal still. Alastor would have gone without being able to fulfill his own goal - getting rid of the chain around his throat. getting control back over his own afterlife. if he had died at Adam's hands, he would have died being possessed by someone else which we can assume is what Alastor sees as the lowest he can fall. the people bound to him by a deal mean nothing to him as it seems, we only ever got to see those who were needed for the Hotel.

while also, dying in this moment would have proven to everyone that he stayed to protect the hotel, his friends, but retreating and not being killed in a heroic death-wish battle be had proven to especially the audience that Alastor is not ride or die for these people.

in his breakdown ballad, we can finally see where he went to to lick his wounds. his entire breakdown also shows once again how scared he truly is of being inadequate. this wasn't just a reminder from Husk that he is indeed also on a leash, being pulled to where whoever holding it wants him to go, this is a rendezvous with death, barely escaping the situation that would have proven that he is too weak, at least while being bound by this deal he is [no longer] profiting from.

the place not only reeks of death for him, like he says in his song, but it also reeks of shame at the fact that he had nearly not made it out alive. it would've been seen as a noble act had he truly died in this scene, he had not died protecting himself, he had died protecting others. it is worse than dying on a leash even since at least almost no one knows about that, it would allow him to save some face. but dying for these people? he cannot even stand the thought of it.

in his mind he needs to keep up the smiling facade, the indifference in this smile he holds obviously so dear, for eternity. him dying should not allow the indifference he stands for to evaporate, he needs to play the act even after being killed in his afterlife.

even if this now ends rather abruptly, my work here is done. see you next time I start writing and simply don't stop for a while.

it truly is "Good to be back on the Air." with a newly cleaned-up space to talk about fandoms

this might be edited later on, nothing major, maybe just to have some actual continuity in it.

[et-cant-phone-home-no-signal]

rewatching the original star wars trilogy at the moment but i had to pause halfway through TESB because i think i'm one of the few people on earth that just cannot stand han solo's fuckboy attitude and gets super annoyed and disgusted with it idk it's not sexy to me, it just makes me feel icky. ANYWAY will be giving notes on those films when i've watched them all but i rewatched rogue one because it's my favourite star wars film and i'm an exhausted, tear stained mess rn enjoy these ramblings - spoilers under the cut

i love this film so much, could go on about it for ages and ages tbh but that would be a crazy long post even for my standards, so my biggest takeaways are that it's honestly the best looking film from all of the star wars movies we've got that i've seen (i haven't seen solo yet but i'm not really interested in it tbh but if people think i should see it maybe i will). the music is phenomenal, the visuals are stunning, the casting is spot on, and the storyline is cohesive. brava fr on this one

i was so into the first half i legit didn't really make notes so that's what you get for like the first half of the film lmao i was just too glued to the screen

i am so in love with this group of people, i think they're the most dynamic of all the groups we see

i haven't seen andor yet but you bet your ass i'm gonna after this because i forgot how much i love cassian - diego luna is fantastic

cassian and jyn <3 also K2 i love you

baze, chirrut and bohdi also just fill me up with joy this whole crew is *chef's kiss*

when baze calls jyn little sister 😭

the pure joy on literally every single rebel's face when they fly in and start shooting the AT-AT's is enough to send me into a fit of laughter and tears 😭 🙌

star wars ships designs are so unique and awesome i love them

K dying had me crying it always gets me

chirrut 💕

CHIRRUT 😭

general raddus is such a g oh my god

baze, you mean so much to me

that hammerhead corvette is so powerful what

jyn and cassian are like, yeah they're, they mean a lot to me, their relationship means a lot to me, i'm fine

lies i'm literally sobbing at this point and can no longer type

had to come back eventually just to write that i'm forever grateful they hugged at the end because they could have done a cheap kiss shot but they didn't and i love and appreciate gareth edwards for this + vader's entrance is fucking astounding

this is genuinely the only star wars film that always makes me cry because i care so much for all the characters and they all fucking DIE - the skywalker saga doesn't have this level of stakes in the fact that we know they all survive at the end of the day, but this movie literally isn't like that, they all die for the cause and it's fucking heartbreaking and powerful and it wasn't for nothing!!!! 10/10 fr imo, i need a fat glass of cold water now because i'm a total wreck dudes like i am this emoji 😭 rn no lie (i cry laughed through writing this final bit because damn dude y'all should see me i don't get this emotional for movies that often but i'm a complete mess and my throat hurts)

[sarilolla]

Now I'm thinking about Pop Trolls and what happened with them... I love making it clear in my fic that what happened with the Bergens affected them, to various degrees.

Small ramble? I guess? It's not completely cohesive

In Hanahaki, they make peace with the Bergens, but most older Trolls are still anxious around them, and only Bridget and Gristle actually know where the village is and they never go in.

In Different Beat I'm at a bit of limbo, I can see them helping Bridget which would help King Gristle and it dominos into the Bergens being happy, but there won't be a positive relationship between the two species.

In Experiment Pop... well, Bergens are genuinely huge bad guys there, and there's no way the Pop Trolls would ever willingly interact with a Bergen. There's more trauma than just Trollstice, and it affects the newer generations too meaning they can't fully get away from what happened.

I have more aus that I haven't posted but Bergen relations are spotty or bad there too, so... I guess I just think they should have been affected more

So it's all different, which is the joy of aus, but something I don't like is how glossed over the trauma of Trollstice is in the movies and the series. How long were the Pop Trolls captured and eaten? The franchise doesn't give us a definitive answer, but from context clues I would say a decade or two at the bare minimum. The first movie starts with the story where it's shown the city is built around the Troll Tree. They wouldn't get such an established city in so little time, I refuse to believe that. Trollstice was so integral to them, that the adult Bergens in the beginning of the first movie seemed like they had had a Troll their entire lives. I refuse to believe the Bergens showed up between BroZone breaking up and Rosiepuff being eaten

I want to say that realistically, the Pop Trolls were captured for 80-130 years. It may seem like a lot, but it is what makes most sense to me (feel free to debate me on that and provide your own speculated timeline). The timeline just... doesn't work properly? We don't have any set points to look at, except that in the first movie the escape was 20 years ago, and between World Tour and Band Together a month has passed. This makes it so I can fuck around with the timeline as needed, but they could have given me more to work with. So the only timeline I am working with is that at the escape, the Pop Trolls had been stuck with the Bergens for nearly 130 years, the whole Music schism happened almost 200 years ago (and while they were with the Bergens there was a generation or two who didn't even know other Trolls existed), and the Strings were made around 250 years ago? But that also doesn't fully fit with how a society evolves, so might have been even longer between all of this?

Anyway... Back to the Pop Trolls and how the Bergens and Trollstice affected them

I love making jokes in my stories about how desensitized the Pop Trolls are to death and destruction of their home. I love writing other Trolls' reactions to that. It's fun and morbid at the same time. Like the other genres can be as pissy as they want about Pop's attempted takeover so many years ago, but in a cynical way, they got their karma... Other genres had places to be safe, evolve in their own time, no huge threats, but the Pop Trolls lost that, and you can't tell me that wasn't lost for a long time

I firmly believe the Pop Trolls don't have an actual cemetery, but rather a field of flowers planted in remembrance, a Memorial. Flowers planted for the ones lost, but no bodies buried with them. Just a flower representing who they were and what they meant to their loved ones (which brings in my headcanon that flowers and flower language is a big part of Pop Troll culture). It's just in the past 20 years they actually have had bodies to bury, and those are few and far between

...I had a point to this ramble, I think. I think Trollstice and Pop Troll history is my fictional roman empire, it has genuinely gone in and out of my head since the first movie. It just hits hard

[val-of-the-north]

OKAY IMPORTANT UPDATE SO Crow convinced me that the more appropriate Type Of A Guy group is Allant, Gwyn, Aldia, Aldrich, Micolash and Shabriri, and it was actually Laurence who I unofficial 7th member because his portrayal and being pair item with Micolash is very speculative even if reasonable. As we in Russia say, пока запишем карандашом. I'd now ask you to write something funny and cringey for new super cool updated cast thanks to that CHICKEN, but this will just come across as me barely concealing my simping -_-" So I'll just ask for YOU to rate The Guys. You need to speak your opinions more, it is always good shit

Noooooo now I have to ramble about characters I hate that, fuck you. I hate rating people lol. But fineeeee:

Number 6 - Micolash lmaoripbozo

-

Ok ok, that's not actually true... I think my actual number 6 for the time being might be Shabriri. That doesn't mean I hate the guy, but he is simply a fucking dick. Like, so far he's the only one with not a droplet of cohesive motivation, and ending the suffering of everyone seems like a front for his true desire of seeing chaos consume reality. I like myself a seemingly pure evil baddie, but if I have to rate him with all the other dudes, he sorta pales in comparison. Maybe the DLC will expand on his philosophy and what he did before he had the Nomads entombed and decided to set the world ablaze with chaos. He IS very fun though, I will give him that lmao.

-

At number 5 I'd probably put Allant, though he might be subject to change whenever I get to play Demon's Souls. As was stated a bunch, he is a more depressed Shabriri, which makes him more genuine. His desire to end the suffering of mankind is true, unlike the previous prick, even if his methods of attaining that are fucked beyond compare. And that's the problem with him lol.

He only increased the world's suffering exponentially, because that's arguably what benefits the soul-hungry demons in the long run. He failed the one thing he wanted to do and probably doesn't even see it because he is too blinded by his own suffering and hatred of life. He is the reason his kingdom is run by corrupt officials, that his son gives up on life, and that most of his people have become food for unfeeling abominations. He is a weak leader. There's nothing wrong with being weak, but you are not supposed to drag the world down with you the way he decided to do...

-

Number 4 was hard to place since I am still not sure what I am rating them for... so far it seems to be the complexity of their motivations/actions and the way they went about them. I guess this spot could go to Micolash in this case. Most of his motivations (if they even are his, and not just those of the School of Mensis as a whole) are context-heavy, which isn't really good in terms of building a compelling case as to why he should be above someone like Allant... still, the amount of cut content centered around him points to him having had a much richer role than what meets the eye, which I believe boost the likelihood that his character is well-defined even in the full game.

(To be honest, even if we know very little of that version of him, I suspect I would have liked him more like that lmao.)

His pursuit of knowledge probably had a concrete goal before it spiraled into what we see in-game. Despite its horrible fuckups, the Healing Church did start out genuinely seeking ways to better humanity, but it distanced from it the more it continued. The Choir, where he and most of Mensis probably originates, already sought to abandon their human roots, and the school he was part of likely did so even more. But they wouldn't seek guidance from the Great Ones, they'd become on par with them.

And to rise above humanity they did unspeakable things... some of them didn't even make any sense. Why stitch together those horrible corpse beasts? Why switch the heads of two animals? Why cram all those human remains into one casket? Not to mention all the people that were kidnapped: half of them were strapped to chairs and the other half turned to stone and merged into the walls. Everything just to try and proceed with a deranged ritual that was only made possible by desecrating an infant and its mother.

And when you finally meet him he is just rambling to himself, all alone and surrounded only by corpse puppets, Edgar and the occasional attendant. He has been stuck between those halls for long enough that his body has been mummified, and doesn't seem to have made any significant progress. He has likely lost his mind, rendering whatever it was that he was seeking worthless. But hey, at least he was closer than anyone to finding out about Kos from outside the Hunter's Nightmare, so I guess we can give him that.

Also his cut dialogue is pretty emotional, and makes me wonder just how different he was before he lost his mind... I ultimately think I have a soft spot for him ahahah

-

Number 3 is Gwyn, but it was really close with Aldrich on this one, lol. I decided his goals were assuredly less complex/noble, even though his means weren't as grotesque. To be honest, I think he's a pretty maligned character, for good reasons mind you. He effectively screwed over everyone in an attempt to keep the status quo intact, and before that, he took several preventive measures that just made life miserable for people in the long run. All of this paints a rather unflattering picture of Gwyn, and I do not deny this. What I argue against is the reason why he did what he did... to me, Gwyn was genuinely afraid.

Kaathe says Gwyn "trembled at the Dark", he was surely afraid of what darkness and an age of men entailed, especially for his people and family. What he did feels less like something a power-hungry lord who seeks to keep his power intact would do and more like one desperate attempt to delay a force much greater than you. His was a sacrifice in the end, and while his legacy is and will inevitably be cinders in an empty world, what prompted him to do what he did was something understandable, and very human of him ironically enough...

As an aside, I'm actually not super convinced that Gwyn fits neatly into this group of guys either. Honestly, Dark Souls 1 might lack a character that embodies this vibe. Instead, it has several with only bits and pieces of it. I find it more fitting to group him with the likes of Marika and Laurence rather than these other dudes.

-

Number 2 is Aldrich as you could have probably guessed. He is an awful awful man, but his course of action is probably the most anyone had been doing before the Unkindled woke up to make DS3 happen lol. The world had reached a point of stagnation when nothing new was happening. The dark threatens the light, but then the flame is kindled again, rinse and repeat again and again and again... he was doing SOMETHING different and prompting change, even if it was in a way that could be considered disgusting, unpleasant and evil. The once beautiful Deep had been turned into a seedbed of filth because of the stagnant nature of reality and this seemingly endless cycle, and he alone saw salvation through a different kind of age. The start of a brand new, different thing.

The path was arduous, the means deranged, but he DID want something more than chaos for chaos' sake, unlike Shabriri. He wanted to change things, but not passively like Allant. He did not lose track of his goal the more he accomplished like Micolash did, and he did not wish to uphold the status quo but rather challenge it, unlike Gwyn. But I really, REALLY understand why everyone sees him and recoils in horror or thinks there's nothing more complex behind his actions than a simple hunger for power and flesh.

But you know Miyazaki, he likes to write characters who do some really awful things but still portrays them as courageous and heroic in their madness and skewed ways. I get the same vibe from Aldrich, but that doesn't mean he wasn't intentionally portrayed the way he was to inspire discomfort or hatred in most players ahahah. Both things can be true at the same time, and they are!

-

Lol number 1's Aldia. He's got everything Aldrich has except for his abhorrent mannerisms and vices. He is someone wholly dedicated to the pursuit of answers, and from what I can tell most of his test subjects were people who accepted his invitations to the keep, which was mostly other madmen with a similar desire to break the boundaries of reality. Of course, it wouldn't be a Soulsborne game without a good dose of war crimes, so he did do things to the giants who ended up as prisoners of war during the two conflicts his brother took part in, but he wasn't making chimeras out of them or wasting them in useless experiments at the very least. Heck, he pretty much turned one into a superior being who seems to be all chill.

All horrors he committed in his mansion were for a singular goal: breaking the curse and finding a way out of a played-out cycle, even by the time of DS2. And while the depths of this obsession show some pretty horrible results, he isn't at all the same as Aldrich, who relished in the suffering of his victims. One can find his experiments horrid, but the man himself not so much. He was simply devoted. So devoted in fact that he destroyed himself to the point he was left with nothing but an endlessly-smouldering body. And despite achieving a form that's arguably outside of the cycle, he still saw it as a failure, because it wasn't what he wanted for humanity.

I've heard him get called a fence-sitter because he promotes inaction, but to arrive at such a conclusion you have to ignore everything that led him to his current state, AND his words to the Bearer of the Curse. If anything, this dude probably did everything one could do in the hopes of changing things, I think he is allowed to feel disillusioned at the end of it all without being described as a fence-sitter. In what way is he one anyhow? Both potential ages suck. Any witless fool can just waltz in and burn themselves or let the flame die. Someone like him would literally have zero reasons to care about either outcome because all his work was meant to lead to something beyond it... but he failed and awaited someone else who would challenge the order of the world and succeed where he couldn't.

At the end of the day, I'm not saying he didn't do anything wrong lol, he still did some pretty weird shit... but I don't think it's insane to say that he is more respectable than basically everyone else on this list by virtue of actually being pretty selflessly motivated and for never losing the plot of why he was doing all those things in the first place.

-

I still don't know if I did good lmao, but yeah, this is what I think. If you noticed I get more verbose the deeper we go, that was intentional. It's not as if I don't have anything to say about Shabriri (you should know), it's just for the purposes of this "rating". Ultimately they are all prime characters.

[sanddusted-wisteria]

An update on my fics

hey wow it's been 4 months

Nearly six months on both longfics lmao. I've been busy and will continue to be busy, unfortunately. Grad school is a different beast entirely to undergrad (be careful taking 3 grad classes in a semester. 2 heavy ones can really make you regret it), I need to prepare for job interviews and PhD program applications, and this summer I've been wrangling an internship and research work.

Even so tho, my MTAS brainrot is far from dead. It takes a lot of time and effort, but I still have a lot I want to do with the My Time verse and my OCs, both art and fic. So here's a quick update on where I am and what the plan is with my fics and fic series going forward, and some previews of what I have so far (on a separate post bc this one's already too long lmao)!

TL;DR: busy, but still writing! WIP snippets on the next post.

[Long post and rambling belowwwwww]

Earth and Sky

Currently my primary focus. E&S has evolved a TON since I decided to rewrite it. How much? Well...

[Drafting = first draft is in progress; Revising = draft is plot-complete, set aside for future editing passes]

In fact, I haven't even outlined the ending chapters since I recently had a change of heart in the kind of resolution I wanted. I got stuck on it enough that I decided to forego outlining anything for now and playing that one more by ear. I think any more time I spend tweaking these outlines might put me off this fic altogether :P

As someone that started writing with nameless/generic builders, writing for an OC is a different kind of challenge. I'm working to try and strike a good balance of focus on Wis vs Qi vs them together, and making Wis a very human, if not enjoyable character. Still, I think that this is one of those projects that if I can get right, it will be VERY right. It'll just take a bit to get there first :>

At minimum, I'll wait until most if not all of the chapters in the first third/quarter are done (chapters 1-16) to start posting, though hopefully I'll also have a solid idea for how some of the later chapters will go as well. Those are the really (internal) conflict-heavy chapters and I want to make sure it won't come out as shallow :P But I am excited to show you what I've got cooking!

A Cosmic Garden

This is the broader series for Wis and Qi. E&S will be the biggest fic, but it only goes up to a little beyond MTAS's Act 2. Beyond that, my plan is to write some side stories that go into Wis's Lore(tm), namely her origins as an Old World clone and her interactions with other Wis clones around the Alliance.

Why side stories? Well, a) any plot involving Wis as a clone is relatively spread out across the timeline of MTAS's story, since it's actually not that closely tied to her "main" storyline (being the first clone I made when the clone story was just kind of just a bullet point on their lore descriptions, it's less involved), b) it therefore doesn't really affect the story of how she and Qi get together, and c) I know that people might be far more interested in just the romance story with Qi (which is totally okay! I understand, I'm pretty much in the same camp with OC-centric stories a lot :P)

As for the equivalent of MTAS's Act 3, this won't be one cohesive fic, but a small series of smaller stories, since I don't really have too many ideas for a fully fleshed out telling of Act 3 that doesn't just walk through the main missions without much deviating from that. Some of those stories include:

A series of conversations between Qi and Miguel post Act 2

A Nia/Mi-an story

A silly little oneshot of Qi and Rosie interacting (tentative)

The original idea that Strangeness and Charm sprouted from; Wis and Qi conducting a methodical study on non-sexual intimacy (tentative)

The finale of the MTAS main story

A Builder, a Researcher, and a Rooftop

Currently on pause. For now, there's just too much OC brainrot for fics and on OTAS that I just need to get out. Don't worry! I'm absolutely not abandoning this one. I just can only really focus on one big project at a time lol. We're close to the end of this story's act 2, though not much of the remainder is written. In fact, chapter 34 is already done, but not chapter 33, so I can't quite post it yet. I think after I get the first part of E&S done (or I suppose whenever I feel like picking it up), I'll switch gears to at least get to the end of Act 2. Act 3 will need some reevaluation...I've hemmed and hawed over it forever, but I do want to finalize the plot for that one, and also potentially get started on that as well.

Others

To the...5 people that read my Grace/Wis miniseries, I really do still want to get that done a;sdlasdralsdrkj It's been hard since my thoughts on how Grace and Wis interact after Act 2 have changed a lot. But even so, I hate to leave it hanging there, so I've started working on it again. It's already outlined, I just need to get it filled in.

Someday I should come back to Quiet Moments in Sandrock... My art's gotten a ton better since then and there's a few ideas I still have leftover that I never got to. Unfortunately I need to make room for it somewhere in the 13438525 other art ideas I have that I can only do like 1 per week at MOST asdlrkasdasdrjksdrj

Sitting on the back burner forever in my writing folder is a fusion of Junji Ito's Uzumaki and MTAS... An MTAS version of Uzumaki's story works SURPRISINGLY well, and Wis and Qi I think make for stronger protagonists in this setting than Kirie and Shuichi in theirs if I do say so myself lol. It's fully outlined and everything, but that's gonna forever be on the back burner until either my longfics get done or I figure out how to write horror, whichever comes first 😂

So all in all...still cooking! Thank you if you read all this, and thank you for your patience, especially if you've been closely following any of my in progress fics. Hopefully once the interview and application cycle is out of the way this fall, I'll have more brain capacity to really plug away at all these and share with you all! :>

[abalonetea]

Hey! I always see you writing and all your ideas seem so wonderful and you seem to have a cohesive writing style and you even write as a job and im just wondering if you have any advice 😭 I get writers block so often and I get stuck with my ideas

hi! this is such a sweet and awesome ask to have gotten! what a lovely compliment!

I do have a few of them!

set a timer for ten minutes. write for ten minutes, then go do something else for five minutes. come back and write for another ten. this is a great trick for getting past areas in your story that are creating the block. eventually you're going to hit a 'fun scene' again and you won't need the timer!

make it into a game that has nothing to do with completing your story. you are now focused on how quickly you can write in a half hour block. on your first try, if you hit 300 words, the game becomes typing quickly enough you hit 350 words in your next half hour writing block!

pick milestones and treats! this doesn't have to be something you buy. maybe you really want to take a walk that day. pick an achievable milestone. if your writing block is super bad that day, pick a low milestone of 200-300 words. when you hit it, you get to do something! the bigger the wordcount milestone, the bigger the treat!

map out the section where you're blocked using a bullet point list, just like this. keep going until you reach a part of the story that catches your interest. start writing normally from there. you can fill the missing parts in during the second draft. I always suggest using a bullet point to sort of 'ramble' until you hit that next fun point, because it gives you a skeleton outline to follow during your second pass through the manuscript.

keep a separate file for ideas. i'm very easily distracted by the New Shiny Idea. so, i keep a file of what i call 'tossems' running. i start a new one each month. during that month, any idea (from one sentence to several paragraphs in length) that i have gets put into this document. it lets me have a fun little moment to write them down, ensures i don't lose them, but also allows me to keep focusing on what i'm Actively Writing.

pick one day each week that is a No Writing day. this seems counterintuitive but sometimes, when you have a really bad case of writer's block, you need to get your brain going in a different way. i find that movie nights help me a lot. the key is to find a balance; refresh your brain but pair this with one of the other tricks on Different Days. this way, you never find yourself Fully Stopping. like any habit, once you stop, it's harder to start again. this is why a lot of people suggest trying to write at least one sentence (or 50 words) each day. It's like exercise. your brain needs to stay active to become more active, just like your muscles. it needs rest days, but there's a balance between Resting and Stopping!

I hope some of these were helpful!

[sskklvr]

WAIT DID ANYONE EVER ASK U ABOUT UR YURI ON ICE AU COS IF NOT PLS SPILL I LOVE SSKK AND YOI AND I SHOWED UR DRAWING TO MY BESTIE COS I WAS SO EXCITED I NEED TO KNOW MORE!!!!

AHHGHF SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG, THE YOI AU IS A BIG INCOHERENT MESS SO I STRUGGLED TO PUT IT INTO WORDS <//3

THIS IS ALSO SUCH A LONG REPLY BC I JUST. RAMBLE. I AM SO SORRY IF THIS MAKES NO SENSE, IT IS ABSOLUTELY ALL OVER THE PLACE-

Okay! So I really really love the AU, but sadly there's no cohesive plot to follow if we're gonna be honest- I have a few points, like the banquet I changed up, and Akutagawa's appearance as Atsushi's coach is also changed, but other than that I really just have this to draw connections and put sskk in silly little YoI scenarios </3

I tried real hard to match BSD characters to YoI but it was just not working for me [I've been messing with this AU for like, a year after all] Even deciding between Akutagawa and Atsushi as who would be Viktor and Yuuri was a bit complicated, bc I personally think it has potential either way. The obvious, and generally more fitting choice is the one I went with ofc, but I think a version where Atsushi is Akutagawa's coach would be just as interesting!

Anyway, despite being mostly just for kicks, I still tried to put thought into it!

With how Yuuri was constantly surprising and surpassing Viktor's expectations, I figured Akutagawa's ability to surprise Atsushi with his actions would work well. [Also because I think the scene in the parking lot where Viktor tells Yuuri he'll resign as his coach if he doesn't make it to the podium is very reminiscent of the scene in s3 with the imagery of Akutagawa shattering from Atsushi's reckless words-] But again, Akutagawa as Viktor works just as well since Yuuri says in the very first episode that Viktor never ceased to surprise him, if we're going that route. As well as the fact that both sskk and Viktuuri learn from each other throughout their respective journeys together.

Like Atsushi's 2 costumes being based around his ADA design/The Tiger, and Beast, or Akutagawa having a lighter coat/his overall main design being a lot brighter to symbolize the change from yk, the Mafia in canon. I also threw in the Ch88 themed look for Akutagawa's younger version because I wanted to draw Akutagawa with longer hair, but the design itself is supposed to symbolize a sort of 'end' to his skating. Since Viktor begins to lose inspiration further down the line until meeting Yuuri, that's what I'm trying to implement with the design. If that makes any sense-

Since Akutagawa in canon had been searching for worthy opponents as a way to gain Dazai's approval, when he finally met his match against Atsushi he was practically thrilled [for lack of better words/to put it simply--] So I'm taking that idea and throwing it into this AU as Akutagawa gaining back his passion for skating when he sees the potential in Atsushi even despite his loss at the GPF. Speaking of, the banquet also goes a bit differently-

I figured stripping and pole dancing wasn't really Atsushi's style, I don't know how to explain it so I might doodle it sometime, but I have this old ass screenshot of me talking about this AU to mildly sum it up

And going back to Atsushi's 1st costume being ADA themed, I wanted that to tie into Yuuri's first program being about his career and life, and the love he has for the people who stuck by him through everything. The ADA is kind of a perfect example for that, I mean, Atsushi's entire uniform was given to him by each member so I figured it was a perfect parallel. Although there really isn't a tie between the Beast costume and Yuuri's Eros program though- That was just for fun, in a way.

I also definitely want the ADA itself to act as the hot springs that Yuuri's family runs, but I can't figure out which characters would be which person- I'm ALL ears for any suggestions for that btw, I literally only have sskk decided, everyone else is a toss up-

Ahg, there's so much more I'm forgetting, I'm sure, but I wanted to answer this somehow bc I've been dying to get out my thoughts for this AU

Anyway, thank you for the ask! And I'm sorry my response was super late and a full length essay- If there's any specific questions or curiosity, I'll do my best to answer </3

[george-weasleys-girl]

GWG Ramblings

The North Star Series - Writing George Weasley's Biography

~•~

This has been sitting in my drafts forever, waiting for me to finish it.

~•~

I published the first North Star chapter on July 30, 2022, but I'd started writing it months before that as a way of getting these scenes out of my head as well as to give George his own unique voice that is separate from Fred's, something he didn't get in the books. (Truthfully, neither of them really did. But that's another ramble for another time.)

Eventually, all these disconnected little scenes, which, timewise, were scattered all throughout his life, started coming together as one cohesive story. George's life story. That's when I realized I was writing his biography.

Once things started coming together in my mind, that's when I started writing the beginning. I knew then that he needed a stable, established relationship that wasn't constantly under the threat of disintegration. I also knew that I would need to explore both the immediate and long-term effects of Fred's loss and the war in general.

Fred's death is a critical, defining event that splits George's life in two. There's the George before his twin's death. And the George after. And then there's journey between them.

It's not going to be an easy thing to put into words, to put it mildly. Delving into the psychological and emotional destruction caused by twin loss is a difficult and intimidating thing to write, especially as someone who is not a twin or twinless twin. The death of one's twin decimates everything the surviving twin has known about themselves since the womb, and they have to rebuild themselves from scratch. It's a process that can take years, if not a lifetime.

***Warning: Minor spoiler beneath the cut.***

Of course, that doesn't mean everything will be easy.***

***That's why I wanted to give George an already established, strong, loving relationship that could withstand the coming storm and would serve as the anchor to his individual self.

To "just George."

His and Y/N's relationship is the one thing he knows is his and his alone, that in no way ever belonged to Fred.

~•~

Ok. So, yeah. End of spoilers.

At this point, I should probably stop before I give too much more away. Because I will if I'm not careful. 😆

And there's still a long way to go before the series ends. It is his biography, after all.

~•~

@milivanili99 @fancy-pantaloons @turvi @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @georgie-weasley @imshiningjustforyou @princess-paramour

[sleeping-realist-waking-dreamer]

currently sad abt how paldea just has No culture

long post ahead i rambled longer than i expected

like ive been replaying gen 7 and like. the regional identity and theme is so strong??? the island deitys, the overhauling of traditional progression, the clear messages of friendship and family, kindness, nature, etc. and even between different towns, theres the tourist downtown strip, malie which has been built by those who immigrated from Johto, fuckin PO TOWN. but dont even get me STARTED on how powerful team skull is, being hoodlums of teens forgotten and ignored by the world now rejecting the island challenge and everything it stands for in pursuit of finding their own family with the other team skull members.

what does paldea have. they all need cyclizars to get around this obscenely way too large map or taxi money to go in a cab lofted by parrots because theres seemingly no other ways to get around. also the citys are based off those in spain and like. they type of gym leader there but ultimately have next to no individual flavor. nobody talks to you about the towns or world, the overarching theme of the game is "treasure" which is already dumb but also barely feels present beyond everything you do, the "evil" team is interesting but ultimately a self contained plot point that basically only hinges around the school, noone talks about team star outside of their specific scenes or the intro sequence. theres no god tier legendaries the people respect and look up to, nobody talks about the world at best people talk about that rich school thats so important for Some Reason and yet we still know so little concretely about it and. ARGH.

this game has such good plots and stories but ultimately despite supposedly being open world, the world doesn't EXIST. the people here dont have any serious beliefs or culture, they just talk about battles and sandwiches i guess.

Like, compare this to Every other game in the series. Kanto was. kanto. but like, even then lavender town and some other locations give more character to the graveyardless (DESPITE HAVING A GRAVESTONE POKEMON) Paldea. even while less cohesive, Johto is astonishingly rich even this early on, Hoenn has connection between people and Pokemon, sinnoh has. so much i love sinnoh even tho its a bit weaker imo but still has belief in good versus nihilism with Cyrus, with several towns having their own flavors, unova was unova yall already know its better, gen 6 region name even bests paldea with having beauty of life as a theme, alola i talked about, galar i never played nor got invested in but i feel like its better than PALDEA.

i say this as someone with 200+ hours in this game. i hate how little real identity it has. the fact that this main entry thats actually proud of itself is better than xy-KALOS IT'S KALOS. the fact that this does better than goddamn kalos in generation six, year of the "we got scared of regional identity and were dealing with a lot right now, we put gen 1 in here to appeal to the genwunners pls enjoy and buy game. also we're too scared to even do a pokemon Z. please dont pay attention to anything new this game brought to the series pllllssss" is ASTONISHING. FOR A SUPPOSED OPEN WORLD GAME!

and NO! scarlet and violet are not "open world" games. Theres no world to explore, theres no extra things you Get for exploring, theres nothing to see that doesn't look like Plastic, there is still an intended progression order you need to follow to even have a shot at enjoying the battles, theres no extra stories you get for exploring, no extra cities, noone who talks about anything interesting, nothing. The world exists only as a map you use your sandwich dragon to get across. Which, it's UNNECESSARILY MASSIVE. there is NO reason for the map to be this large.

BECAUSE THERE'S NO CULTURE OR IDENTITY THE OPEN WORLD FEELING SUFFERS. you dont get anything for going out of your way and exploring the world at hand, you just get like, scattered XP candies and berries or an HM or two. a couple trainer battles with generic dialogue. In a good open world, there are sidequests in various locations, that give you something about the world and offer a unique task. A random trainer at the bottom of a cliff is charming but... Why cant we help???!

Also, I'm not talking about DLC. Glimmerazzi, ogre ousting, the absolute dogshit BBQ situation are all interesting but I'm not paying Another 30$ for a finished game and also most of that has nothing to Do with paldea so cope. I will say though that the base game needed more glimmerazzi or perrin's pokemon snap quest. Like, being given the opportunity to do something that doesn't tie back in the story, just being there to do aside from the story.

anyways this post is a mess im so aurgh about this game ok. i love it and i want to see it be better. i keep trying to think about the characters in the world itself but paldea just has. Nothing!!! there's nothing we learn about them and it's so frustrating bc i Want to see that!!! and yet there's just. Nothing.

[curioussubjects]

fic rec time!

There was this fic I wanted to read, but hadn't yet because it was a wip and, generally speaking, I don't read wips (adhd reeeally doesn't like it). That said, the concept of the fic was really good, and I'm a little obsessed with the other pilotfic the author has written, so I decided to take a peek at the last posted chapter to make sure it didn't end on a cliffhanger from hell -- it didn't. So, this week, I finally relented.

Y'all. Y'all. This fic....this gd fic...I'm on the floor. I read it in a little over a day because life keeps happening (rude), and I haven't stopped thinking about it yet. Probably won't for a while !!

Anyway, it's a good ol' bsg finale fix-it (and we sure love those yes we do). I found the author's solution to be compelling and completely cohesive with the other themes of the story. Unfortunately, while what is posted of the fic is enough that you can kinda fill in the rest, I still can't help but wonder what the rest of the journey would've been. I can imagine multiple endings, as things are, but all, ultimately, hopeful if not happy (or as happy as you can be after genocide and war).

At its core this is a story about breaking the cycle of violence, but not only against the Other. Crucially, it's about ending the cycle of violence against the Self, too. This theme sprawls over not only the human/cylon conflict, but all the interpersonal relationships we'd followed throughout the show. It's achingly and beautifully done with Lee and Kara, in particular.

Speaking of pilots, the author takes some liberty with what happened pre-mini, though they do follow the flashbacks. I have to say that while I don't fully share their interpretation of key points in Kara and Lee's relationship (UB flashback being the real point of contention for me), their take is entirely cohesive within the story and feels true to Lee and Kara just the same.

I don't want to say more because spoilers, but feel free to insert an image of me crying screaming taking a walk to calm down because oh pilots. I know I always want to hug them, but I super need to hug them. Just. Make believe, pears and jail (iykyk). I am severely unwell and emotionally compromised.

Y'all go read it and then come back here and sit with me.

pennyante, idk if you're still out there or if you ever think about this fic, but...if you ever want to finish this fic and you need a hype person hmu.

Here are the specs:

Title: In the Whole World Author: pennyante Rating: Mature Pairings & Characters: pilots (duh), but it's an ensemble fic so canon pairings and many familiar faces Chapters: 23/? (last updated in Sept 2013 /sad) Summary:

The Cylons aren't quite human, and the humans haven't quite forgiven them. Political stability is less certain than ever now that the war is over:  Lee Adama finds himself up for re-election, where being defeated will mean a Gemenese theocracy puppeteered by Leoben Conoy. Meanwhile, Kara Thrace has nothing but questions about her death and destiny. The only answers available come in the form of the vision of a temple, and from her hybrid/comatose husband's cryptic ramblings about a sister artifact to the Arrow of Apollo.

There's violence in the air. Civil war looms. Can Lee and Kara save each other, and keep the fledgling colony whole?

Read on LJ Read on FFN (with extras!)

Excerpt:

She had seen the leash he kept on his self-control, had seen it slacken and tauten. But he never dropped it altogether. She heard, faintly, the sound of an elemental yell erupting over a dark hillside on New Caprica, welling up from a deep pocket of her memory. Almost never.

Testing his control had long since become a favorite pasttime, because where Lee couldn't let anyone see him want, Kara couldn't let anyone see her care. Naturally: forcing him to let on that he wanted her had been the perfect way of showing she didn't care. It was so tempting—all of the pleasure, none of the guilt. The temptation of temptation—to be in his proximity, to draw deeply on the pleasure of goading him, but to not give in to it. She could feel the blood pounding in her throat and wrists, suddenly. Suddenly, she felt alive again.

Lee.

"Mmm. I don't think you're gonna like renting from me, Apollo. First month's rent is three years continuous service on a battlestar."

A raised eyebrow, as if he were saying, What's your game, Starbuck?, and damn if that wasn't good for a heart she hadn't realized was lonely for it. "Paid it," he offered.

"Perfect. Security deposit's a daily hot oil massage for your landlady." Reckless grin never faltering, she watched him, watched the quick gleam flicker across his eyes before he smothered it, felt her first flash of electric heat in weeks. "Garbage pickup is never. Oh, yeah, and heat and electricity are definitely not included."

He didn't crack a smile, this time, which, predictably, made her laugh. God, what was it about him? When was the last time she'd laughed? "On the flip side, the place is an absolute steal; I have a feeling property value around here is about to skyrocket."

Lee lowered himself heavily to the cot, and she noticed, as he did, just how tired he seemed. Had he just come from speaking fruitlessly with his father, coming up against the Old Man's utter withdrawal? From meeting with the ship captains, whose talk of scattering was already sweeping the camp? From looking at the sky and remembering when the arrow of Apollo had let them see earth from Kobol and they'd dreamed of days like this—days they hadn't known would be like this—wordlessly, uncertainly, together?

Was he realizing that life on Earth, like everything else they'd ever shared, had turned out to be both more and less than the prospect of it had been?

When he spoke, it was a riddle—or perhaps it only seemed that way to her, because she was so used to hearing the riddes underlying the things he said to her. They had had their own code for far too long.

This was one she was terrified to decipher.

"Kara. I'm staying with you. Until I can't anymore."

The laughter died in her eyes. Oh, gods, what did I let slip? What did he see?

And then she finally took the time to think about what it meant that he had brought his pack with him, had rolled out his sleeping bag. About whether she wanted him to stay. The answer—the potency of it—jolted her. I should make him go, she thought. Anything else is selfish.

[playingforever]

let's talk about the bag

shall we-?? [sits down and enters a meditative position]

... really, I just want to ramble about a HC & overall perception I have...

So, first off... For all intents and purposes, I see Mono's paper bag as what Mono is intended to be wearing 99% of the time, when considering the narrative of Little Nightmares. That is, I don't really think of him as swapping hats around, nor readily exposing his face, despite the fact that we can technically do that in gameplay. There's... what I would describe as, a bisected reality: one where we're playing a Game, and thus engage in Gaming Aspects (such as gathering collectibles, aiming for achievements etc.) and then the narrative reality, which naturally has more constraints.

A simple example: You could spend the whole game without ever holding Six's hand, but separately, Mono is a character who is attached to Six, and obviously is holding her hand readily and protectively. There's a grey area of course; I'd say personal experiences playing the game helps 'fill out' our perception of the characters... but I also believe there's a stopping point with such a thing. There's a point where you have to define a sense of integrity...

For me, I simply think things like — if one were to interpret/visualize a key scene from the story, Mono would be most iconic, recognizable, and cohesively conveyed as his paper bag self. At default, it is bag boy, that is the most Mono looking Mono you could have. The canon boy if you will.

What I do like about LN2's hats is that they are tactile objects found in the environment, which grants them more context than LN1's DLC does. I think that's pretty neat. :) And kind of poetic, as it makes Mono 'match' whatever place he's in, functionally doing the opposite of what Six's raincoat communicates about her not belonging in the Maw. I like that for him... and well, it does make him out to be a weird boy. Eccentric little bug, always needing some form of coverage.

Hats are a protective piece of clothing. As humans, we naturally feel so much pull to faces... If you're someone who doesn't like to feel exposed, any hat can offer reprieve by simply interrupting eye-contact. The creators have said we can think of Mono as a "shy boy"... and I certainly do.

But I also think there's more to him, than merely shyness...

Now, for this description of him on the official website!!

As the world buckles under the relentless pulse of The Signal Tower, Mono takes refuge where he can. His thin paper mask offers some respite, helping him forget that the world outside hates him, and wants him to fail - but he can't stay hidden forever.

This lays out how the paper bag is a form of protection against the terrible world outside it. Which makes sense when you consider how inescapable the Signal Tower is; its constant thrumming wearing away everything in the vicinity. The city itself is pointedly hostile towards Mono and indeed relentlessly pursues him — perhaps a colluding of Mono's expectations of the world, along with the inhabitants able to innately sense that Mono is responsible for their misery. I imagine the very air within the Pale City exudes a sense of rejection and judgment towards Mono. It would feel oppressive to be exposed directly to it. As much as one could feel a never-ending sense of dread within a nightmare...

Counteracting this with a flimsy paper mask feels appropriately childish in logic. It's that kind of hyperbolic perspective that is baked into a world like Little Nightmares... A kid relying on his hand-made mask to keep the world at bay. And I believe it works, supernaturally, to dampen that dread, and make existence more bearable for his journey with Six. I would like it to be that Mono could not make his way towards the center of the Pale City without this mask protecting him. And I would like it to be that Mono would not errantly expose himself for long — not without feeling a genuine panic about the consequences!

Part of what convinces me it couldn't be something he casually does, is because of Mono's final confrontation with the Thin Man.

This moment, as we near the final chapter — this face off, after intense pursuit, after having his body bashed against a train car, left limping in the sewer, being guided by a shadow of Six-!!

This moment, in the pouring rain, as the buildings all around creak and groan in the wake of the Signal Tower-!!

This unveiling!! This full awakening of his powers! Filled with determination to save Six, no matter what the cost! I really really reeeally love what this moment is for Mono...!!! I understand for him, this is it, this is his expression of, I'm done hiding. I'm not afraid anymore...! Such a purposeful, slow, drawn out animation, as Mono severely bows his head, and lets the bag drift away in the flooded street...

The removal of this mask is not a small beat whatsover. There's no going back from this. Mono is committed to this choice of his...

... even if it suffers him, in the end, as he is alone under the Signal Tower's gaze. He can't seek refuge anymore. Left, agonized, curdling under the eyes... The eyes, which surely encompass the entire ah concept of being, watched, judged, othered, etc. It's a miserable fate, for a boy who never wanted to show his face.

To open himself to the possibility of such a fate... Well, I don't imagine it's something he would do easily! I would even go as far to say, it's something Mono would avoid as much as possible... He relies on that partition, for security, to maintain control. I imagine that nothing less than NEEDING to overcome it for Six's sake, could drive him to this.

And speaking of Six... I see her as another key source of Mono's motivation to hide himself. If one thinks of the Signal Tower/Pale City as generalized sources of paranoia manifest — a doomful place perpetuating being 'destined to fail'... Then, I see Six as the more intimate, interpersonal side of the issue. A specific person that Mono fears losing. A person Mono is hiding part of himself from, unconsciously.

I do believe that Six, at the end of LN2, is able to connect Mono's identity with the Thin Man's. I think this moment calls into question Mono's authenticity to the entire experience they had — how much of it was staged...? She can't really know, or understand that. And, how much Mono himself knows is... tricky to define. He does see the world as his enemy — it's a dichotomy of him and Six vs. everything else. He certainly does desire to protect her, and struggles ardently to do so.

... but he's not wholly bereft of control of the Signal Tower, and the fact is, he's only ever usurping it from himself. The tower is never under anyone else's control but his own. You have to imagine, regardless of whether not Mono knows what the Thin Man's intent is in staging everything, it still winds up being a decision Mono has ultimately made for himself. Mono is his own antagonist, spurring him to subject Six to everything that he does, and then perpetuating it every time he reaches the end of his cycle.

It's Mono's choice to do this... and it's Mono's choice to hide his face. Knowing Six can scribble her memories of the Signal Tower and Thin Man even before they even meet, I wonder how much Mono obfuscating his face is to keep a distance from him and Six, knowing how this all 'ends'...? I would assume that Mono harbors a sense of guilt and responsibility unconsciously as well, adding to his overall sense of dread. If the unification of his identity causes Six to reject & abandon him, then he'd want to keep that at bay as long as possible...

Now, I don't really think of it as simple as, "if Six saw Mono's face she'd connect all the dots immediately and hate him"... I don't even think she resents the Thin Man so pointedly, for snatching her haha. It's a bit more complicated than that... more like the ghost of a painful loss of friendship.

I don't think either of their memories can really flood back in totality; I get the impression it's hazier than that, more like raw feelings and intuition. I think it would startle both of them — I think they'd both feel a kind of, sadness, fear, confusion, that they couldn't explain... and it would be difficult to resolve that. The remnants of Six feeling betrayed by Mono lying to her, and Mono feeling betrayed by Six leaving him behind...

There's a rift in perspective between them that they're unable to communicate. But beyond that, I think the heart of the issue is that Mono is, a self-hating person, who is at war with himself. His greatest enemy is truly just... himself. I think Mono's understanding of the world is intrinsically so hostile... because he hates himself. He's tormenting himself, he cannot trust himself, he doesn't agree with himself. He sees himself as an impediment and threat to Six. He is constantly retaliating and destroying himself. Six is trapped in this tug-of-war between Monos... and this is what makes it so difficult to understand him.

Frankly... I think Mono's greatest obstacle in having closeness with Six is his own rejection of himself... Which feels like a very honest truth about relationships. I think Mono just makes everything worse by lying and hiding — even if unintentionally...! It just can't be helped, the consequences of such a thing.

Sometimes, I strip all the supernatural elements and think about the raw psyche (as the world is composed of one's primal fears...) And, I see Mono as simply a boy who really hates his face, and can't bear to show it to his best friend. Some part of him doesn't believe Six could accept it. For their relationship to work, he needs to keep her from it. He creates all this contrivance to justify this.

The self-fulfilling prophecy element is that, in the end, that is what happens... He experiences Six taking one long look at him before letting him go.

Sooo.... yeah.... I don't really think about Mono casually taking off the bag-!! I think it's a major obstacle for intimacy. Of course it is, Mono is always hampering himself...!! Sighh...

[shortkingshapeshiftr]

I've been thinking up my own little story, one about transformations into animals and polymorphism. It takes place in the real world, but certain forms of magic are possible. Sadly, though, these magical practices and products, at least in the U.S., were lost to time, becoming antiques that you must search for. Speaking of antiques, you may occasionally find a bottle of "Essence," which I will now discuss.

Keep in mind that these are just ramblings. There are bound to be inconsistencies with the lore and world building. I'm just brainstorming ideas and trying to piece them together into something vaguely cohesive.

"Essence" is the spirit of an animal manifested into a solid, liquid or gas form. Essence can be cooked into a delicious cake, or rubbed onto the body like cologne. It can be inhaled as well, though in some cases it may not be seen by the naked eye. While it can take many forms, the liquid version tends to be the most common. They come in a variety of colors, but can be dyed. The dyeing of Essence is a more recent practice to make it look more appetizing, in the same way soda is dyed/contains dye. I guess the production of Essence became capitalistic and easy to exploit over time, turning into something overproduced.

These Essences come from all across the U.S., but they vary depending on location. For example, American Black Bear Essence will be more commonly produced in northeastern parts of the U.S., as that is where a decent chunk resides. Obviously Black Bears aren't just native to this sector, I'm just using it to prove a point.

The production of Essences is no longer happening, but it is not entirely known as to why it stopped. Legislation, changing cultural attitudes? Who knows, I haven't gotten that far into developing it lol. Perhaps Essence was seen at best as a party gag, and at worst a tool abused by the worst of people.

Can you be reverted back?

Yes! You can be reverted back. It just depends on the type of Essence, though. Some are permanent, others may last a couple of hours.

What does it feel like to transform using Essence?

Honestly, I can see it being any kind of experience. Often times people fall asleep or pass out before they transform, so they don't feel or see most of it. For some it's a euphoric, warm feeling, and for others it can be painful, long and grueling. It's all up to interpretation!

How is Essence created? What is the process like?

I haven't developed this aspect as much, so bear with me. A machine or gatherer, often times a portable one, is used to suck out the spirit of an animal. If done in small doses, it doesn't hurt, but continued usage is bound to cause both emotional and physical damage to the beast in question. Essence can be extracted, or exchanged.

What time period does the production of Essence take place in?

I'm not quite sure yet! I initially thought the 1700's - 1800's would be the set period for Essence production, given how this was around the time the Industrial Revolution began. Though I would need to give it more thought. Thinking about it further, how could such a monumental thing disappear in the last 100+ years? It seems/feels rather short. But then again, a lot of innovative things disappear in short spans of time.

As to when Essence itself began, it has existed since animals have existed!

Is Essence natural?

Yes, Essence is a naturally occurring thing in this world. It's not entirely known why it exists or how it functions, but it is a natural phenomenon. The production, though, is generally done through human intervention and is often unnatural.

Why would someone want to transform into an animal by consuming Essence?

I don't know, it can be done for a whole slew of different reasons! Some good, some bad.

Can you speak after being transformed?

Yes and no. Again, I think this is largely up to interpretation. I think as long as you retain a human conscious, you should be able to speak normally. Though some, whether they want it or not, may lose the ability to speak if the Essence consumes them.

The Essence can consume you?

Let me clarify. I think, in this world, by taking Essence you run the risk of losing your human conscious if the Essence to take over. Doing things like giving into beastly instincts can strengthen this, but it's not a guarantee. I think this would also depend on the strength/amount of time the Essence has on the human body. The stronger/permanent the Essence is, the more likely you are to become a full animal.

How are transformation cases dealt with in the wake of Essence production?

I'd like to imagine it as a sort of David from Animorphs type deal. No one really believes that situations like this are possible. While the people who are permanently, or temporarily, transformed are kind of shit out luck. They're trapped, essentially, and often unable to speak. People see them as animals. For some it's what they want, but for others it can be deeply, existentially mortifying.

Aaand that's it for now! I'll expand/draw this lore later on. 🐻

[imagionary]

Guys,, my sister pointed out that Warren the Worm looks like the "Pesky Bee" that got killed by Duck Guy....

I wish I had a better picture of Warren, but my sister and I think that Warren is Intrusive Thoughts. There are a lot of, uhh, very bad implications that my sister and I picked up for poor Yellow Guy (having to do with unwanted.. realtions with people; being stuck in strange, cultish families being forced to be a parent that he doesn't want to be; etc...).. we're wondering if Warren is like Intrusive thoughts of an aborted child from a horrible situation that constantly haunts him?

Warren has the same eye color as Yellow Guy, which is green (shown later in Episode 6 of the All4 series). Warren also has purplish blue hair like the "Pesky Bee" has (which you can see once the maggot is smooshed;; I wish I had a better picture of Warren, because his hair pops out from under his hat at some point in the episode). Warren also has the same kind of Binky nose as Shrignold, except his is red like the "Pesky Bee". I also find it strange how Warren would have Rat Eyes when RatEyes is Yellow Guy's Maiden name apparently. I also find it interesting that Duck Guy would pull this Warren out of Yellow Guy's head and call him a "Pesky Bee". It's also interesting how Warren would want to call himself an Eagle when he's a worm... kinda like how Yellow called Shrignold a little baby pigeon.

It's all so weird, and there's things in the 3rd episode of the All4 series that make us think that the family has to do with the Cult of Malcom or something, since the members seem to be,, inbred to some degree; somewhat look like Michael; have strange cultish vibes to them; force Yellow Guy to be the mother (could be alluding to trauma of Warren? Idk.. cause, he's an unWarrented baby? UnWarrented thoughts?); they're bluish grey and green like Malcom;

There's some sort of cohesive thought floating around in our brains somewhere, but in short, our theory of the big picture is that Yellow Guy is dealing with trauma of having to have grown up in a cult that pretended to be his family, and pretended to love him, despite invalidating his transness, and trying to convince him that he's a woman (which could be why Special One looked so much like him, it could have been the Cult actually trying to make him believe he was a woman) ((we think he's trans because of the numerous times he's had a child or was forced to be in a female role, despite being a boy)); trying to force an unwanted pregnancy on him, which he aborted and feels guilt about; he fantasizes about having a normal life with a normal job and a wife and child who love him, which will never happen; etc, etc. Just a lot of jumbled thoughts.

Sorry if none of this makes sense, I just needed to ramble this out here omg;; I also need to watch the season 619 more times.

(((Another thing on how Warren could be Intrusive thoughts; we don't think Yellow Guy's imaginary brother is just imaginary. He didn't leave with the other imaginary friends of his when Warren was bothering them, and instead stayed. We think he's actually a memory that Yellow holds onto of his brother that ended his own life; Warren seems to make Yellow's feelings and memories turn into the worst things,, and it could make sense as to why his brother ended himself instead of leaving like the other imaginary friends,, the Intrusive thoughts made him think of what his brother did to leave him...

Also, his brother showed up as a real puppet in the end of the episode, which could also imply that he did exist at one point, but it's all our speculation)))