#Tmj For 3 Years

[good--merits-accumulated]

🌵🕯️🥤🔪 for the writer ask game!!

Thanks for the ask!!! (Finally getting around to this T_T)

🌵 ⇢ share the link to a playlist you love

I can't actually do this because I don't use any music apps, I just go onto youtube and play songs on loop 😅Also tbf I don't really listen to anything on a playlist unless I'm working, in which case I'll slightly modify the prompt and link to this oddly specific playlist which got me through approx 200 flashcards and a very confusing tmj anatomy session on tuesday

🕯️ ⇢ on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? why is that?

I like editing well enough! It doesn't have the unfiltered thrill of actually writing, but then again it doesn't have the struggle either. So it's good and bad in its own way. But editing something just before publishing it is its own kind of happiness, so exciting :]

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love (I will do four. I can't choose!)

You will not be surprised to hear that these are (almost) all historical AUs of some kind, and the one that isn't fucks with form. Firstly, the one that doesn't:

Written by the Victors, by Speranza

OK, so I know that WBTV is *THE* McShep fic and also one of *THE* Stargate Atlantis fics but hhhhhhhholy shit. It deserves all its flowers and then some (and I haven't even finished it properly yet!). Written by the Victors has a) A BIBLIOGRAPHY AND INDEX, b) some really meatily written and densely interesting academic excerpts:

And c) some really good prose. A seminal fandom work and also insanely compelling in the way it plays with format and perspectives.

2. All Lost to the Ceremony of Progress by fluorescentgrey

So I used to read a lot of Wolfstar fic and although it's been years and years since I last looked at anything HP, some fics by fluorescentgrey (and also the next author on this list, zambla) have stuck with me extremely for their very niche and fascinating subjects (Dust Bowl AU, anyone? Vietnam-War-draft-dodgers-being-smuggled-over-the-border? Professional bullriding?) and also their fluid, dynamic, incredible prose. All of their fics are incredible but this fic in particular is set in the aftermath of Los Alamos and it is dark and foreboding and intensely, sinisterly rich in vocabulary and language and atmosphere and good lord, I wish I could write like this.

3. EXILE/RETURN by zambla

fluorescentgrey and zambla are somewhat similar to me in that they both write these wonderfully evocative fics which are often but not always historical AUs, and while fluorescentgrey's work often picks apart, examines and demands the concept of America, zambla is similarly preoccupied with the UK. EXILE/RETURN is about the AIDS epidemic and national identity and death and queerness and is partially modelled off of Derek Jarman's diaries, and it is terribly, wonderfully sad, beautiful, envious, by turns.

(^^ fic that got me preoccupied with the concept of interregna, a fascination which has lasted to this day.)

4. Presence by kakikaeru

Presence is not the most technically impressive fic on this list nor is it what I would consider the most well-written, and yet it is my personal fic Of All Time, which has affected me the most. If I say it's a Yuri!!! On Ice fic which is an alternate 20th century history AU involving Yuri as a "living God" and Shinto priest exiled during WWII and Viktor as a reporter living in exile post-WWI in New York, it makes the actual text seem different to how it actually is. What Presence actually is is a meditation on decade-spanning love and affection, holiness, religion, tranquility, the goodness of people, and. Well. Presence. I do have the world's biggest soft spot for this fic, but you should read it nevertheless.

(It also indirectly changed the way I think about my own religion a couple of years ago - but that's a much more complicated story!)

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

Hm. I don't think I've ever actually researched anything quote unquote weird (I will of course remember something which fits this bill exactly the second I post this), but probably one of the more ridiculous things is that time I spent the better part of a week researching early 20th century American textile mills and jacquard fabrics and acceptable Edwardian dinner jackets for the first part of A Gleam of Light, an unfinished WIP where Todd spends about five seconds actually IN an Edwardian setting and then disappears into a pseudo-medieval faerie world for the entire rest of the fic. ...It did lend its hand to some fun description, though.

(^^ Still one of my favourite fic openings I've ever written!)

[sheryl-lee]

semi-hiatus: awaiting surgery for major health issues

hi friends,

i was recently diagnosed with progressive condylar resorption, or permanent bone loss and damage of the jaw's temporomandibular joints (TMJs). it’s a serious, extremely complex, and poorly understood condition that often goes undetected for years and causes near-total disability (facial deformities, dysfunctional breathing/eating/talking, obstructive sleep apnea, severe pain, poor quality of life, etc).

in my specific case, two underlying systemic diseases have been contributing to the destruction of my joints since i was 5 years old: juvenile idiopathic arthritis (JIA), a high-inflammatory autoimmune disease, and hypermobile ehlers-danlos syndrome (hEDS), a connective tissue disorder. both went completely undiagnosed until now, with my symptoms repeatedly dismissed by periatric providers.

to prevent further bone loss and restore my quality of life, i will need to undergo total joint replacement of the TMJs & major facial reconstructive surgery. this is a 9+ hour operation with a 6+ month recovery period; the whole process from pre-op to full recovery is about 2-3 years in total. as you can imagine, it's a massively brutal surgery with a very long and unpredictable physical/psychological road to recovery.

i'm going on indefinite semi-hiatus in the meantime. still tracking #usersameera, just won't be making gifs as often and may dip in and out of tumblr erratically for a while. i still have to wait another year just to get the surgery, but i'll be posting occasional updates as i slowly move through the pre-op process.

till then – thank you for all the well wishes, support, and understanding. it truly means the world to me ❤️

[thebeingmerf]

I wanna hear head cannons

Idc who

Just yes :3

(/nf!!)

Nightmare Steve has TMJ

The Steves have a holiday equivalent to Halloween, called Pumpkin Day. It started with a legend of a group of Steves being scared of any monsters that may come out at night- especially endermen. So they would wear jack-o-lanterns on their heads to ward away any danger Now, once a year, Steves of all kinds put out Jack o lanterns on their doorsteps, and go around in costumes to ‘hide their identities’, just as the steves from the tale hid their identities with pumpkins. These costumes ward off anything they may be afraid of, and several parties are thrown for the Steves to just hang out in costume- typically villains or monsters.

(RQ) Blue Steves can just keep aging endlessly unless killed. But if/when a blue Steve becomes too old to function (2-5 centuries, varies based on genetics and health conditions), they are put out of their misery in a special ceremony.

(TSS) rainbow constantly smells like the B&BW Strawberry Poundcake scent

Time Steve has hypermobility

(SSO) the artifacts were wearable accessories rather than blocks

(TSS) Galaxy and Void’s original combined version was an entity named Cosmic Steve

These are just a few ^^

[antlered-lycanthrope]

TMJ vent - tw talk of non-intentional starvation, malnutrition, death, and insurance denials

I think the way I end up dying will be from malnutrition tbh.

My damned mouth doesn’t work anymore. I can’t eat. It hurts so bad. My left jaw joint is dislocated, my right jaw joint always hurts from compensating so much but now it’s starting to go too. All four of my wisdom teeth are impacted, insurance refuses to pay, and I am disabled & unemployed with $30 to my name. My wisdom teeth are making my other teeth unaligned, making my TMJ even worse. My mouth hurts so bad that it hurts my head & neck. My left TMJ is so dislocated it puts pressure on my left ear, and now I’m having trouble hearing in that ear from all the pressure and pain in my ear. And ofc ear pressure and sudden hearing loss makes people disoriented and dizzy, so that adds onto my existing dizziness and bad spatial awareness. So I’m falling more often now. Im absolutely covered in bruises and I hit my head on things several times a day, i literally cannot tell where my body is in the world bc there’s uneven pressure in my head.

So… all of that constant teeth, jaw, head, and ear pain plus the fact that when I open my mouth bc of the dislocation it’s bone scraping on bone… means I can’t eat anymore. I’m eating less than the amount of food a person my size would eat in one sitting in my entire day. Every day. I’m always hungry now. It makes my stomach hurt, it makes my head hurt, it makes me more dizzy, it adds to my pre existing anemia, it makes me even more malnourished.

I have to take breaks to cry while I’m eating. It hurts that bad. I think I might actually end up dying if this goes on for yet another year. I now look sick. I’m pale now (my natural skintone is the “olive” Mediterranean skin), I have dark bags under my eyes, i bruise so easily, I’m cold all the time, I’ve lost 1/3 of my body weight in just a year and I do not exercise at all - I mostly stay in bed all day bc I’m too tired to move, the only exercise I get is PT. I’m exhausted and malnourished. My body in failing me in a dozen different ways. I’m deficient in iron, magnesium, potassium, calcium, sodium, and vitamin D - there may be more that’s just what I remember.

I’m passing out so often. I’m apparently having seizures again. I haven’t had a migraine-free day in months. My heart races with the tiniest movements. Im shaking and shivering all the time. I’m so cold even if im sweating. I’m thirsty no matter how much water i drink. My vision is almost always blurry and/or spinning. My blood pressure is so low that if I put my hand over my head for less than a minute it loses its color and I lose all feeling in it. My feet get swollen & purple and the veins in my feet like they could pop when I stand up bc my body is too weak for my heart to pump my blood enough so it ends up just pooling in my legs & feet.

IM TIRED. IM HUNGRY. IM COLD. I NEED MY FUCKING TEETH REMOVED.

I can’t do any treatment for my TMJ until my wisdom teeth are removed, but fucking Medicaid refuses to pay for it bc it’s “not necessary” FUCK YOU IT IS NECESSARY I CANT EAT ANYMORE IVE LOST FIFTY FUCKING LBS JUST LAYING IN BED ALL DAY EVERY DAY

[secretlythepits]

Hmmm

Husband is spending the day in bed. He isn’t feeling sick, just tired. It is very out of character for him to rest all day. In fact, it has never happened except when he was feeling very sick. He’s not even watching tv.

Yesterday he got winded moving his massage table not very far. I told him to have one of our boys move it and he did. Normally, he would have said, don’t be ridiculous and done it himself.

Y’all are probably thinking, duh, Rebecca. He has stage 4 cancer! But it’s just so uncharacteristic of him. It’s jarring to see him like this. He’s regular, just weak and tired, which is not who he is.

Is this his cancer progressing?

Is it a side effect from his clinical trial drug? (Seems less likely to me due to the timing and not feeling other symptoms.)

People tell me, plan a trip, but we really don’t know if he will be too tired to enjoy or participate in activities.

My aunt, who is a nurse and was the point person during the cancer bouts my family endured, told me months ago that the end of life for people with lung tumors is not really painful, just tiring. They get less oxygen, but it’s not like gasping for air, just a need for an extra nap, and then another nap, and another.

I prepared myself for this and then his tumor grew into his spine throwing everything off. I freaked out because the idea of a painful death was just too awful. Are we back here? Is this temporary? He has rallied so many times before.

But he is so thin.

I know where we are in the timeline statistics gave me last year. The specific timeline his doctor gave him— well, he had additional radiation after that, so I’m sure that affected things. Now he’s on a stage 1 clinical trial; there is an inherent mystery in that, but the truth is, they rarely tip the scales.

Meanwhile, I e been having painful dental work and neuro symptoms. Something is off and I’m not sure what. That’s part of the reason I’m getting the dental work done, because that can affect the brain. Maybe it’s my thyroid. Maybe menopause. Maybe something else. I don’t feel like I’m stressed out. I feel mindful and managing things now. But I haven’t slept well in so long and my tmj is activated at night, which is causing a lot of these issues.

Last night I dreamt I was driving several different time. I was in the driver’s seat and we were moving, but I couldn’t see where I was going. The windshield was filthy. It was night. The car lights weren’t on. It was foggy. The car was still moving so I had to steer. I knew I needed to improve my visibility, but I couldn’t. It was like I didn’t know where the controls were. The car was swerving all over the road and I was afraid because it was dangerous. Still, I didn’t know how clear my line of sight. I careened my head to see the road through this one bit that was clear.

I repeated this driving scenario 3 different times throughout the night, each time getting more dangerous. I kept waking up jaw clenched.

I don’t know where I am going.

[whoreiorcats]

tag game ✨ get to know me!

tagged by @gemmafuckingscout thank you friend! i had a headache when i started filling this out and its mostly gone now im crediting you

1 ) are you named after someone? nope! not my first name anyway. my middle name is the same as my grandmother's and i have considered going by it many times in my life because it is deliciously gender neutral but truly my name is ella to the bottom of my heart i can't change that

2 ) when is the last time you cried? like about two weeks ago but funnily enough it was right after i answered a question here were i said that i "basically never cry in front of people" and guess what! it was in front of a people! (just one, my grandma, who makes multiple appearances in this for some reason idk)

3 ) do you like your handwriting? i think it's fine but everyone else hates it because it may as well be encoded it's so hard to read

4 ) what is your favorite lunch meat? i despise lunch meat

5 ) do you have kids? i have one cat and i take care of another but she's actually my niece

6 ) if you were another person, would you be friends with you? yeah, i mostly bond over shared interests and opinions so like, i would fuck w/ myself heavy probably

7 ) do you use sarcasm? i think so? not like more than average. many of these questions i feel like i need an outside source on this.

8 ) do you still have your tonsils? mmhm

9 ) would you bungee jump? you couldn't pay me to

10 ) what is your favorite kind of cereal? currently obsessed with the cinnamon protein cheerios that they BRIEFLY sold in double family size packs at costco but then STOPPED so i have to pay FULL PRICE and normal grocery stores. but they're delish so i do it

11 ) do you untie your shoes when you take them off? currently all the laced shoes i own are some form of boot so yes, but i MOSTLY wear birkenstocks because im that kind of lesbian so technically usually no

12 ) do you think you're a strong person? my upper body is pretty weak but my legs are powerful asf. emotionally i have to say yes, i am. that has been proven to me over the last few years

13 ) what is your favorite ice cream flavor? honestly it changes so much. I used to get this insane flavor from kilwins that was like vanilla blueberry with chocolate covered waffle cone pieces that was so incredible but i dont live near a kilwins anymore. so ... malted chocolate idk

14 ) what is the first thing you notice about people? i mean, probably the color of their skin and hair and what they look like in general. but that would be in person. online probably the way they type, like if they use capital letters or not

15 ) red or pink? pink! i just painted my bathroom pink, i own a lot of pink office supplies, a considerable amount of my clothing is pink. i like red and all but pinkkkkkkk

16 ) what do you least like about yourself physically? my tmj. my jaw gets really tight and painful and makes a loud freaky clicking sound like, half the time. i want to get botox to fix it but then it goes away and im like idk that seems a little severe. then the tmj returns and i want needles in my face

17 ) what color pants and shoes are you wearing now? my pants are plaid and im not wearing shoes

18 ) what was the last thing you ate? romaine lettuce cucumber orange bell pepper salad (i ate other things in that meal but that was the last part of it that i ate)

19 ) what are you listening to right now? heart of glass by blondie which is a favorite song of all time candidate (it is on my gemhelena playlist)

20 ) if you were a crayon, what color would you be? let's say a blue-leaning periwinkle.

21 ) favorite smell? lilacs, there used to be a lilac bush right in front of my house but it died and i didn't realize how much i missed smelling them in the spring/summer until i found a lilac air freshener that immediately took me all the way back to when i was younger. i really want a lilac perfume but they're apparently difficult to formulate.

22 ) who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? receptionist at the eye doctor (pink eye VANQUISHED)

23 ) favorite sport to watch? baseball! my grandmother is a huge fan of it and she taught me to understand it so its sort of the only sport i get anything out of watching. go cards!

24 ) hair color? dark brown :3

25 ) eye color? i have had conflicting reports, but im gonna say light brown

26 ) do you wear contacts? usually yes, unless i dont feel like it or have pink eye (which i don't anymore)

27 ) favorite food to eat? com thit nuong with peanut sauce

28 ) scary movies or comedy? scary :0 i really got into horror in college cause all my friends liked it

29 ) last movie you watched? does the raul esparza company revival on youtube count as a movie? if not, sinners!

30 ) what color shirt are you wearing? black with white trim

31 ) summer or winter? summer, i love to wear very little and be slightly tanner than usual

32 ) hugs or kisses? i cant say

33 ) what book are you currently reading? generous to say i am reading it but City of Silver: A Mystery by Annamaria Alfieri

34 ) who do you miss right now? my best friend, but i'll probably be seeing her soon

35 ) what is on your mouse pad? botanical pusheen

36 ) what is the last tv program you watched? house hunters. my mom and grandma are really into making fun of the people on the show which is kind of how they engage with most media

37 ) what is the best sound? dave matthews band live trax in my car's stereo

38 ) rolling stones or the beatles? the eagles <3

39 ) what is the farthest you have ever traveled? to the motherland: vietnam

40 ) do you have a special talent? i am fairly good at reading tarot cards but i have a lot of room for improvement

41 ) where were you born? the DMV

42 ) people you expect to participate in this? no presh at allll i have no expectations at alllll but ill tag @frozenpinees and @spareham

[inwintersolitude]

- May 27th 2025 -

This time last year, what was happening in your life? I was depressed, because we had just lost Apollo to an inoperable tumor, and it all happened very suddenly. I was also feeling overwhelmed by our recent move and getting everything unpacked, to the point where I kind of gave up on it for a while (because of feeling depressed).

Did you/will you have coffee or some other form of caffeine today? Yep, I had a cup of Irish breakfast tea.

Who did you last have a text conversation with and what was it about? My husband, but we were just sending some kissy face emojis back and forth lol. He only had an hour between flights and had to do his preflight soon so he barely had any time to text.

Are there regular trains in and out of your town/city? There's a small single-track freight line. This town doesn't have passenger rail service. It would be cool if it did, though, because I love traveling via train.

Do you bathe your pets regularly? I put a shallow dish of water in her cage about once a week. Sometimes she ignores it, but other times she goes nuts for it.

Do you have a mailbox or do you collect your mail from the post office? I have a mailbox.

What was the last animal you saw, and was it a pet? I can see my bird right now.

Have you ever had an ear infection? No.

If you could watch any TV series right now, what would it be? Lately I've been wanting to do a re-watch of The X-Files.

Would you have any clue when your best friend last got their hair cut? My husband is my best friend, and I've been doing his hair cuts for like 13 years now. I last cut it about 3 weeks ago.

Someone messages you just as you’re about to go to sleep. Do you reply? Only if it's my husband.

Do you grind your teeth, and if so, why do you do it? Yep. I started doing it in my sleep in 2016, probably because of severe work stress, but I've also read a few studies that found that acoustic trauma (which I had recently been subjected to) can irritate the cranial nerves and cause TMJ issues. I'd had TMJ disorder since I was around 18 but it was only ever occasional jaw popping. It wasn't til the acoustic shock injury and work stress that my TMJ got way worse to the point where I was grinding my teeth in my sleep and waking up with jaw pain and dislocated discs. And that teeth grinding never went away even after I quit the stressful job. It's 9 years later and I still do it, and I have to wear a custom made jaw splint.

Have you ever been hospitalized due to dehydration? Nope.

Is there anything you need to remember to do before the day ends? I need to bring a package inside before it starts raining.

When you listen to music with headphones, do you keep the volume low enough to hear surrounding noise faintly, or do you blast it? I don't use headphones anymore because of my hyperacusis. I'm extremely noise-sensitive ever since the acoustic shock injury, and if I were to accidentally bump the volume-up button on my phone while using headphones, it would cause horrible ear pain and it would make my tinnitus flare up.

What’s your favorite online radio site? I don't use any.

Do your parents have any authority over who you date? LMAO no I'm married and in my mid-30s.

How many different shades of nail polish do you have? I don't own any.

What did you have for breakfast this morning? Frosted Mini Wheats.

Are you lucky enough to have an ice maker in your refrigerator door? Yep.

Are you the type to wake up before the sun has even risen? No, not at all. I am very much a night owl.

Have you ever watched an anime series, start to finish? Nope.

Do you feel the need to rant about anything right now? If so, go for it. Nah.

Do you have a favorite towel? What color is it? No.

Have you seen any films with Judy Garland in them? Just The Wizard of Oz.

How did you feel when you woke up today? Why? I felt really tired still, but I'm not sure why, because I got over 7.5 hours of sleep. I'm just not good at waking up.

Who was the last person you messaged on Facebook? I don’t remember. I haven't messaged anyone on there since like 2011 or 2012.

When was the last time you saw them? -

Do you have a friend named Nick? What’s his favourite food? Nope.

What are you listening to? Nothing.

What year are you/did you graduate? High school, 2008. College, 2012.

Are you obsessed with anything? Not completely. I have passions, but not full-on obsessions.

Do you prefer waffles or pancakes? I like them both about the same.

Do you prefer non-diet or diet soda? I'm not a big fan of soda to begin with.

Do you like seafood? I like a few kinds.

Are you craving anything right now? No, not really.

Do you dress appropriately for your age? Sure.

If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you buy them? No way haha.

How long is your hair? Collarbone-length.

Do you like your neighbors? Yes, they're all very nice.

What’s your school motto? -

Has a bird ever flown into your window? Yes.

Which word did you say first, mama or dada? Dada.

How old were you when you learned to walk? I don't know. Whatever the typical age is for babies learning to walk?

What was your first pet’s name? Scamper.

How many kids were in your class in kindergarten? Probably around 20 kids.

Who was your best friend in elementary? Cristie or Lauren.

Who was the best athlete in your freshman class? I have no idea.

What teacher did all the high school boys/girls have a crush on? I don't know.

Where do you see yourself in a year? Still here.

If you were able to change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I wouldn't have ADHD. It makes life so much more difficult than it should be.

Are you content just blending in with the crowd? Sure.

[fairiegardens]

I want a baby but not yet <3 my younger nephew is just starting to talk and he has his classic's down, mama daddy baby apple hi bye yes no. I was trying to get him to say 'auntie' and he kept say tee tee tee.. close enough!

Can't sleep, as always. I drift off easily as anything for a sweet afternoon nap but evening, we're trying, we're working with it okay. 50% in the process of retraining my brain to see evening/bed = rest and 50% accepting that it's okay I do not need to punish myself

I am so used to having a proper sleep schedule is the thing. Like everything in my life I'm all about routine, and for most of my adult years I was awake bright eyed every morning, aside from if I was sick or really really stayed up quite late. I would be up at 5, 6, 7, 8am depending on the day. I fell asleep before midnight most nights or just after. I would FEEL ready for bed in the evenings. Even if I was up in the middle of the night with insomnia or lily cat I'd still wake up early the next day my brain was on an automatic wake up timer. If I napped it would be for about an hour and wasn't common

But within the last little while, that has shifted completely. I take naps all the time, usually longer ones. I don't sleep as easily at night, I sleep in during the morning when I don't have something to do early, and I luxuriate in it. I remind myself for my entire twenties I was under the crushing weight of a household that was not my responsibility to take care of and the reason I was awake at the crack of dawn and didn't sleep in and couldn't nap and was so exhausted at night is because of everything I was running around doing, and all of the tasks and responsibilities and lives I was taking care of, that hardly gave me a moment to breathe. Because I'm out of that environment and into a calmer one, my body is able to slow down, I'm tired and I sleep, I'm not tired and I don't sleep. I deserve that

My body is in pain.. autoimmune flaring, migraines, back and neck tensing, TMJ flaring. Trying to meet it with compassion not anger

[justajsworkshop]

i’ve had this realization for awhile, but everything in my life, everything i’ve experienced was my doing. everything i’ve wanted— committed or just unserious, silly desires, i’ve gotten. the good and the bad. and yet i doubt myself now??! every kind of person i longed to be ive blossomed into. every experience, friend, terror, i’ve received wholly. wtffrf😭 how do i deal with this crippling fact that i’ve gotten everything i’ve desired?! honestly i’d wish to divulge but i’m shy, and i would just be listing off my entire life anywayy. have you also gotten everything you’ve (once) desired? kinda spooky!! happy november <3

you know, now that you phrase it this way, yes. I’ve gotten everything i’ve chosen for myself; i’ll put it that way—for better or for worse.

i was thinking about how i used to be so healthy, and that took a nose dive in the past couple of years, and it’s only because i started perceiving myself in ill health. i’ve made massive improvements since discovering the law though.

one interesting manifestation i’ve noticed recently is that my teeth are fully aligned again. i had heinous tmj, and went to a specialist (before i discovered the law), and they got me almost aligned, but it was gonna cost me so much more to get my teeth fully straightened out, and i just went with good enough is good enough. but i just noticed last night how much better my teeth are?? and i affirm whenever i remember that they’re perfect and great and so is my jaw. it feels like it kinda came out of no where though. 😂 the less i try, the easier and faster i manifest. that’s the truth i’m working on fully accepting and living by rn.

another one in the less than favorable direction is when i heard someone talking about quitting their job on the spot, i said to myself internally “god i wish i could do that.” and this was me KNOWING about the law. well, lo and behold, days later, an innocuous call on my calendar with my “boss” (client, i was a contractor) turned into 2 hours of him berating me and basically telling me im worthless lmao. and i knew instantly i manifested it because id been dying to get out of there anyway. yikes, was not how i wanted to go about it though. i aaalmost quit on the spot, but ended up leaving a week later.

it was literally one thought lmao. but that’s when “forgive them, father. they do not know what they do” made sense because i couldn’t even be mad at the guy for being such an asshole since i decided thats who he would become, the type of person who would make me want to quit on the spot.

but yes, i def get what you’re saying. it can feel like a lot at times, but it’s also really freeing to see how much control you have. so it’s not like you have fight for it. you just have to increase your awareness of that which is already yours, total autonomy over the reality you create and experience.

[haulaway]

Hi, gang!

I'm still around! Still working at [Blue Home Improvement Store]!

My leg tendonitis(es) cleared up and now I have wicked tennis elbow. I'm getting acupuncture for that since that worked so well for my TMJ several years ago. I'm also waiting on an injection treatment from the sports med doc.

I can't even knit or crochet right now because it aggravates things. I'm craft-ually frustrated about that.

I started an online museum studies certificate program last week. It's okay so far, but the single weekly Zoom class clashes with Crits and Knits which is quite a bummer. We're going to try to "write me off" by prerecording an ep or two instead of doing it live. This museum program goes until June.

Other than all that, life is just kind of at a stall. I don't have any hyperfixations at the moment. No shows or movies I'm passionate about since OFMD got canceled. So I just really don't think about opening Tumblr most of the time. :/

Anyway, just wanted to catch you up a bit. Hope you are well. Take care. <3

[lordofdapies]

I got sick suddenly and degenerated rapidly. It took me five years to get a diagnosis and guess what my first diagnosis was?!

Fibromyalgia!

I don’t have fibromyalgia but that’s the diagnosis they give to AFAB people when they don’t know what’s wrong

Check out the list of symptoms

1. Activity level decreased to less than 50% of pre-illness activity level

2. Cold hands and feet (extremities)

3. Cough

4. Craving carbohydrates

5. Delayed reaction to physical activity or stressful events

6. Dryness of eyes and/or mouth

7. Edema

8. Family member(s) with Fibromyalgia

9. Fatigue, made worse by physical exertion or stress

10. Feeling cold often

11. Feeling hot often

12. Frequent sighing

13. Heart palpitations

14. Hoarseness

15. Hypoglycemia (blood sugar falls or low)

16. Increased thirst

17. Low blood pressure (below 110/70)

18. Low body temperature (below 97.6)

19. Low-grade fevers

20. Night sweats

21. Noisy joints – with or without pain

22. Poor circulation in hands/feet

23. Profuse sweating

24. Recurrent flu-like illness

25. Shortness of breath with little or no exertion

26. Severe nasal allergies (new or worsening allergies)

27. Sore throat

28. Subjective swelling of extremities – (feels swollen Bu can’t find anything)

29. Sweats

30. Symptoms worsened by air travel

31. Symptoms worsened by stress

32. Symptoms worsened by temperature changes

33. Tender or swollen lymph nodes, especially in neck and underarms

34. Tremor or trembling

35. Unexplained weight gain or loss

36. Abdominal wall pain

37. Bad hip pain

38. Burning Nerve Pain

39. Chest pain

40. Collarbone pain

41. Diffuse swelling

42. Elbow pain

43. Exacerbated Plantar arch or heel pain

44. “Growing” pains that don’t go away once you are done growing

45. Headache – tension or migraine

46. Inflamed Rib Cartilage

47. Joint pain

48. Lumpy, tender breasts

49. Morning stiffness

50. Muscle pain

51. Muscle spasms

52. Muscle twitching

53. Muscle weakness

54. Pain that ranges from moderate to severe

55. Pain that moves around the body

56. Paralysis or severe weakness of an arm or leg

57. Restless Leg Syndrome

58. Rib Pain

59. Scalp Pain (like hair being pulled out)

60. Sciatica-like pain

61. Tender points or trigger points

62. TMJ syndrome

63. “Voodoo Doll” Poking Sensation in random places

NEUROLOGICAL

64. Blackouts

65. Brain fog

66. Carpal Tunnel

67. Feeling spaced out

68. Hallucinating smells

69. Inability to think clearly

70. Light headedness

71. Noise intolerance

72. Numbness or tingling sensations

73. Photophobia (sensitivity to light)

74. Seizures

75. Seizure-like episodes

76. Sensation that you might faint

77. Syncope (fainting)

78. Tinnitus (ringing in one or both ears)

79. Vertigo or dizziness

EQUILIBRIUM/PERCEPTION

80. Bumping into things

81. Clumsy Walking

82. Difficulty balancing

83. Difficulty judging distances (when driving, etc.)

84. Directional disorientation

85. Dropping things frequently

86. Feeling spatially disoriented

87. Frequent tripping or stumbling

88. Not seeing what you’re looking at

89. Poor balance and coordination

90. Staggering gait

SLEEP

91. Alertness/energy best late at night

92. Altered sleep/wake schedule

93. Awakening frequently

94. Difficulty falling asleep

95. Difficulty staying asleep

96. Excessive sleeping

97. Extreme alertness or energy levels late at night

98. Falling asleep at random and sometimes dangerous moments

99. Fatigue

100. Light or broken sleep pattern

101. Muscle spasms/twitches at night

102. Narcolepsy

103. Sleep disturbances

104. Sleep starts or falling sensations

105. Teeth grinding

106. Tossing and turning

107. Un-refreshing or non-restorative sleep

108. Vivid or disturbing dreams/nightmares

EYES/VISION

109. Blind spots in vision

110. Eye pain

111. Difficulty switching focus from one thing to another

112. Frequent changes in ability to see well

113. Night driving difficulty

114. Occasional Blurry vision

115. Poor night vision

116. Rapidly worsening vision

117. Vision changes

COGNITIVE

118. Becoming lost in familiar locations when driving

119. Confusion

120. Difficulty expressing ideas in words

121. Difficulty following conversation (especially if background noise present)

122. Difficulty following directions while driving

123. Difficulty following oral instructions

124. Difficulty following written instructions

125. Difficulty making decisions

126. Difficulty moving your mouth to speak

127. Difficulty paying attention

128. Difficulty putting ideas together to form a complete picture

129. Difficulty putting tasks or things in proper sequence

130. Difficulty recognizing faces

131. Difficulty speaking known words

132. Difficulty remembering names of objects

133. Difficulty remembering names of people

134. Difficulty understanding what you read

135. Difficulty with long-term memory

136. Difficulty with simple calculations

137. Difficulty with short-term memory

138. Easily distracted during a task

139. Dyslexia-type symptoms occasionally

140. Feeling too disoriented to drive

141. Forgetting how to do routine things

142. Impaired ability to concentrate

143. Inability to recognize familiar surroundings

144. Losing track in the middle of a task (remembering what to do next)

145. Losing your train of thought in the middle of a sentence

146. Loss of ability to distinguish some colors

147. Poor judgment

148. Short term memory impairment

149. Slowed speech

150. Staring into space trying to think

151. Stuttering; stammering

152. Switching left and right

153. Transposition (reversal) of numbers, words and/or letters when you speak

154. Transposition (reversal) of numbers, words and/or letters when you write

155. Trouble concentrating

156. Using the wrong word

157. Word-finding difficulty

EMOTIONAL

158. Abrupt and/or unpredictable mood swings

159. Anger outbursts

160. Anxiety or fear when there is no obvious cause

161. Attacks of uncontrollable rage

162. Decreased appetite

163. Depressed mood

164. Feeling helpless and/or hopeless

165. Fear of someone knocking on the door

166. Fear of telephone ringing

167. Feeling worthless

168. Frequent crying

169. Heightened awareness – of symptoms

170. Inability to enjoy previously enjoyed activities

171. Irrational fears

172. Irritability

173. Overreaction

174. Panic attacks

175. Personality changes –usually a worsening of pervious condition

176. Phobias

177. Suicide attempts

178. Suicidal thoughts

179. Tendency to cry easily

GASTROINTESTINAL

180. Abdominal cramps

181. Bloating

182. Decreased appetite

183. Food cravings

184. Frequent constipation

185. Frequent diarrhea

186. Gerd-like Symptoms

187. Heartburn

188. Increased appetite

189. Intestinal gas

190. Irritable bladder

191. Irritable bowel syndrome

192. Nausea

193. Regurgitation

194. Stomachache

195. Vomiting

196. Weight gain

197. Weight loss

UROGENITAL

198. Decreased libido (sex drive)

199. Endometriosis

200. Frequent urination

201. Impotence

202. Menstrual problems

203. Painful urination or bladder pain

204. Pelvic pain

205. Prostate pain

206. Worsening of (or severe) premenstrual syndrome (PMS)

SENSITIVITIES

207. Alcohol intolerance

208. Allodynia (hypersensitive to touch)

209. Alteration of taste, smell, and/or hearing

210. Sensitivity to chemicals in cleaning products, perfumes, etc.

211. Sensitivities to foods

212. Sensitivity to light

213. Sensitivity to mold

214. Sensitivity to noise

215. Sensitivity to odors

216. Sensitivity to yeast (getting yeast infections frequently on skin, etc.)

217. Sensory overload

218. Sensitivity to pressure & humidity changes

219. Sensitivity to extreme temperature changes

220. Vulvodynia

SKIN

221. Able to “write” on skin with finger

222. Bruising easily

223. Bumps and lumps

224. Eczema or psoriasis

225. Hot/dry skin

226. Ingrown hairs

227. Itchy/Irritable skin

228. Mottled skin

229. Rashes or sores

230. Scarring easily

231. Sensitivity to the sun

232. Skin suddenly turns bright red

Cardiovascular (Heart)

233. “Click-murmur” sounds through stethoscope

234. Fluttery heartbeat

235. Heart palpitations

236. Irregular heartbeat

237. Loud pulse in ear

238. Pain that mimics heart attack

239. Rapid heartbeat

HAIR/NAILS

240. Dull, listless hair

241. Heavy and splitting cuticles

242. Irritated nail beds

243. Nails that curve under

244. Pronounced nail ridges

245. Temporary hair loss

OTHER

246. Canker sores

247. Dental problems

248. Disk Degeneration

249. Hemorrhoids

250. Nose bleeds

251. Periodontal (gum) disease

[disimba]

Dont let your insurance payment fall through.

The first time i let my insurance slip through my fingers, i end up with a sinus infection/pressure still affecting me daily 2 months later. Swollen lymph nodes that may or may not be cancerous lymphoma (yay!) and all of this is stressing me out to the point where i feel like im getting TMJ and crying doesnt help, ill probably hop straight into a mental breakdown.

Ive been pending with Kaiser insurance for over 3 weeks now, so I’m just trying to fight back the negativity in my head until i get approved. Nothing has changed in terms of getting better, in fact its the same or slightly worse.

Incredibly stressed and yeah, thats it.

Cheap health insurance is better than nothing. I keep getting my hopes cuz i get an email from either Kaiser or CoveredCA about once a week, so i hold out, then nothing happens (still not approved) then hold out another week.

Im about 80% sure it isnt cancerous but each week goes by and i drop 10% in confidence because it has in fact not gotten better im the tiniest bit.

What slightly scares me is my coworker who worked in the same industry and position as me died of cancer a few years back, i believe its from the workplace. Chemicals, melted plastics, breathing it and soaking it into our skin for over a decade could be catching up to me.

We will see. I’ll update yall later but damn, I’m tired.

[funerals]

AUUUGHHHHHHH tmj bc of my overbite is ruining my life I haven't had a day wothput a headache in literally over 3 years

[heartshattering]

I feel like I've messed my health up and there's no going back.

Yes, I took NSAIDs to deal with chronic headaches and migraines, TMJ pain, endometriosis cramps, and back pain, because 1 - a previous doctor who didn't want to give me anything else for the pain told me it was fine, 2 - I stopped being able to go to physical therapy, and 3 - I was balancing trying to graduate while being the caregiver of my terminally ill grandma in her last stages of life and didn't have time to practice other pain relief techniques.

Yes, I eat basically every food on those "Top Worst Foods for Digestive Issues" lists, because I don't have time to make a special meal every time I'm hungry while I'm taking care of my mom. Yeah, eating greasy chips and double stuffed Oreos and chocolate and other things I don't have to cook isn't good for me and I know I have trigger foods and should be following one of those low FODMAP diets and spend time meal-planning or whatever but I feel like I can't get my life in order. I struggle so hard to stay on top of other things, I don't want to obsess over every single thing I eat and have to cook 3 special meals a day for myself every day.

Yes, I overdo it with caffeine. It's a shitty dependency I've had for a long time which led me to having to see a pediatric cardiologist and get prescribed heart meds since before I was even in high school. I've been hospitalized for heart arrhythmias in my 20s and I still take too much caffeine because I'm always tired, sick, can't focus, and the doctor told me I couldn't take stimulant medication for ADHD because of my history of heart issues. Add on top of that the fact I have two parents from the "We don't believe in ADHD, young people just need to focus better" generation. So I fuck myself up with massive amounts of caffeine instead because that totally makes sense. And (surprise surprise) caffeine is another thing you aren't supposed to take when you have IBS (and almost every other health issue I have). But I do it anyway.

Going on sleep meds wasn't ideal. I have stopped other ones before and I'm weaning off my current one. But doctors still blame me for having taken them in the first place, don't see how much effort I put into gradually trying to sleep more naturally again, and just assume the worst from me and say I'm doing reckless shit like drinking alcohol while on sleep meds or driving after taking them (I don't do either of those things, on or off meds, but especially not on them). As soon as doctors find out about my home life and things like my mom being paralyzed and the fact I lost four of my family members in one year, they automatically think I'm abusing the sleep meds and lecture me on stuff like "Doing that isn't going to fix your grief/depression :/" and don't understand how difficult sleeping while dealing with severe OCD phobias and compulsions that get worse at nighttime is.

I stay up late because I can hardly get any work done during the daytime. I can only follow a sleep routine for so long until I run into a night where I have to catch up with my work because my aunt randomly stayed for a week, or my mom had an emergency, or whatever else. Same used to happen when I was a student taking care of my grandma, too. I suck at managing my time and I'm constantly overwhelmed, I feel like at any second I'm going to mess everything up and disappoint everyone.

I know I haven't been great to myself and that I have all sorts of habits that haven't been ideal but it's just been so hard to get help. I was made to leave the local psychiatric center because my problems were considered "too severe" for them to handle. It feels like no one wants to deal with me and that they just see me as a lost cause even though I'm trying. Really, I am trying. It's just so hard and I feel like too much of a mess all the time.

[f1uckinghell]

Inspired by the Carlos airsickness ask and my own discovery of TMJ, I’m now thinking of Carlos accidentally giving himself/getting TMJ because he keeps clenching his jaw reflexively during the day and while he sleeps during his and Lando’s dating era

I love that suddenly, 30 year old people diseases are something we talk about here 😂

but yes, that's weirdly a VERY Carlos thing. He clenches his jaw all day basically, and even when he has the bite guards, he clenches just because Lando is such a temptation <3

Eventually it starts giving him migraines so he goes to the doctor who orders him to go to physical therapy; Carlos is minimally embarrassed over having to get physical therapy for Being Too Horny.

Sometimes Lando gives him gentle jaw massages. Daniel offers to stretch him jaw in a different way. 👀

[eternalgaylord]

turns out there's a stunningly lightweight behavioural intervention for unwanted habitual skin picking / excoriation disorder / dermatillomania! (also other body-focused repetitive behaviours; originally designed for management of tourette's) this i think should be doable even without a therapist, although having someone else helps and may be crucial for some.

habit reversal training (HRT (lol))

the basic idea is increasing your awareness of the habit- the movements of which it consists, the situations in which it occurs or is triggered*, the warning signs or early motions, that you're doing it at all if it's more unconscious for you - and then, when you start to do it, replacing it with an action that makes the original impossible to do (called a competing response.)

ideally this replacement action is inconspicuous, can be done anywhere, and can be held or continued for 1-3 minutes, or until the urge to complete the original habit fades. a competing response for skin picking might be clenching the fist. for lip chewing i have decided to perform exercises meant for TMJ which involve opening the mouth. you could also substitute chewing gum.

competing responses for skin picking, hair pulling, finger biting, etc might be clenching the hand into a fist, or grabbing hold of something like a stress ball. for lip or teeth biting, lightly clenching the teeth; i think opening the mouth as in exercises for treatment of TMJ could also work, though this is more conspicuous and so not ideal.

there are other aspects to HRT, such as social support, but awareness and competing response training are the core.

i won't attempt to assess the current evidence for this treatment's efficacy. i just think it seems very worth trying, provided you are gentle and nonjudgmental with yourself.

-* which of course provide another angle from which to tackle this: reducing triggering situations and stimuli. this may mean application relaxation techniques (i know, i know) during stressful situations or the old who-hasn't-tried-this covering/physical barring of the targeted area (like bandaids on the fingertips to prevent biting.)

couple of accessible sources: