#To be fair they do also keep coming back
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I ONCE KNEW A MAN WHO HAD FIRE IN HIS EYES // BLOODY RIGHT HAND, HE HAD TAKEN HIS ENEMIES' LIVES
taglist (opt in/out): @shellibisshe, @florbelles, @ncytiri, @hibernationsuit, @stars-of-the-heart, @vvanessaives, @katsigian, @radioactiveshitstorm, @estevnys, @adelaidedrubman, @celticwoman, @rindemption, @carlosoliveiraa, @noirapocalypto, @dickytwister, @dameaylin, @killerspinal, @euryalex, @ri-a-rose
#cp2077#edit:ambrose#nuclearocs#nuclearedits#not to worry he's managed to retire now :^) goodbye forever and ever stupid arasaka he is thriving without you#arasaka twisting the narrative to their own hand to trick people in doing dirty work for them is something that makes me soooo#ambrose fully believed what he was doing was to keep the city safe. to keep the 'game' (read: corporation pissing contests) fair#make sure no secrets would end up on the streets and protect people that way#and then over the years he started to realize they were simply using him as a weapon and nothing more and it's so. weegh#how do you come back from that. what was there left for him to do. he was already balls deep in the corporation nowhere to go#no home to go back to and boom then you're suddenly also a dad taking care of a young orphaned girl. from a mission YOU failed#AND you're struggling with early stage cyberpsychosis on top of all that. and then after retiring from special ops arasaka wants you back#i would have just died on the spot right then and there. tbh#anyway yes hi hello first time using my taglist i'm scared but hi :] ambrose is my late 40s babygirl
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going crazy about kaz brekker hours
#HE'S JUST *screams into a pillow*#Inej wants him to be better she NEEDS him to be better and shed his armour and be emotionall vulnerable and honest to her#and every time he tries it life delivers a right hook into his solar plexus and knocks him to hell and back#and time and time again he is made to come to the incorrect conclusion that being vulnerable and soft and caring about anyone ever#is a mistake and a weakness that he isn't allowed that he doesn't deserve#and his only way of getting what he wants and keeping the people he loves safe is if he becomes something that can't love them#like life just continues to punish him for having any kind of feelings#and he can only love them if he kills the part of himself that loves them. like COME ON MAN#i'm literally unwell about this kid (KID HE'S FUCKING 17 LET HIM LIVE)#someone sedate me (well actually don't i need to start reading CK tonight)#Kaz I Am Ruin And Ruination Brekker#and it's so tragic because he has come such a long way during SoC and when Inej asks him to be hers you know he can't do it. he would like#to but he's unable of it like his walls are still built up so high.#and it's fair of her to ask because she needs that and keeping her always at arms length is not viable of Kaz but also that's all he can#currently give her. that's his all and it's not enough and my heart is breaking for them ohmygod#they make me think so much of felonies love square I'LL EAT GLASS#okay. anyway. finished six of crows. i'm normal about them.#mia's reading
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(´･ᴗ･ ` )
#I really like the “We're the bad guys' enemy” line. For someone I generally despise Dazai has all my favourite lines in this show…#Idk I can't really vibe with the unbalance that there is between s/kk.#Like when push comes to shove‚ Dazai has the power to keep Chuuya alive or let him die.#I understand why they make a compelling dynamic in their complexity‚ but it just doesn't do it for me.#I'm a little sad my opinion on them hasn't really changed since I watched the anime for the first time...#Also; I really can't vibe with Chuuya allowing Dazai to kill Q. Yes I know Chuuya cares about his comrades deeply.#Yes I know it can be interpreted as Chuuya seeing himself in Q as a living weapon and being disgusted by it#(though I honestly don't think that was intentional of the author).#Yes I know Chuuya is a mafioso and kills people. No I don't think your personal issues justify you being a dick to other people I'm sorry.#Back to my main annoyance with the episode: I must have already talked about this but I hate hate hate the narrative#“the mafia works for the city” “the mafia deeply loves the city too” it's so so sickening and insulting please stop I'm begging.#Please visit any actual city with a rooted mafia presence for once in your life (signed: someone whose hometown was destroyed by the mafia.#The writers really don't know what they're talking about and‚ politely‚ it's offensive.)#Also b/sd keeping being extremely nationalist with Mori (who's largely depicted unsimphatetically for the first part of the episode)–#bringing up western thinkers and subtly mocking Fukuzawa for not knowing them–#and Fukuzawa (the righteous man. the noble spirit and just soul in this episode and Mori's antithesis)–#stepping forward to say that he knows strategists from the east (because who else would he need?)#I don't know if it's meant to symbolize the conflict with an hostile and invading foreign power (the Guild).#But it does come across as. A very isolationist way of thinking.#I know it's subtle but it's really evident for me. And I didn't want to talk about this any further…#But by bringing actual examples of this I hope I can better explain why I think that b/sd holds nationalist views–#and that I'm not just making it up out of nowhere. Otherwise I fear I'd only come off as pettily hostile to b/sd in everything#That's it. I feel like I've been losing a lot of mutuals over my main recently due to not shutting up (sorry)#so I suppose it's only fair I lose them on here too pffttt.#Tune in next week for more bad takes#random rambles
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hey so do you think wtv keiko had to deal with growing up with yusuke could be considered a type of parentification
#god chapters where barely anything happens except a character's realization about things can be hard ...#im writing another keiko pov chapter and it's hard because well!!#keiko was never really a main focus in the series and as time goes on she gets even less of a focus so i have to fill in these spots#in her personality and views that aren't really explored. im taking a lot of liberties lets say#and idek if it's gonna read as in character cos of that#anyway im tryna say that like. pre series keiko was basically this presence in yusuke's life and he saw her as a pain but he cared#she was there to scold him and cajole him into going to his classes and she was his only friend#now we know atsuko was negligent and idk how involved the yukimuras were in his life but i feel like keiko#whether directly or indirectly was given this duty like you have to keep him outta trouble#you're smart you're mature he needs someone like you. this responsibility just kind of put on her before she can understand the weight of i#and she can't really comprehend that weight until it's abruptly taken from her. yusuke dies and there's no one to shepherd#i feel like keiko should get to be mad about this. this realization of the nature of their dynamic. keiko planning things around yusuke#who's never done that in his life. not because he's purposely being thoughtless but bc he was never the one to have to plan#to think about what their future looks like. he just kinda drifted along and keiko tried to do damage control. it wasn't fair#yusuke is keeping secrets from her she is scared of high school and that he'll die again without her knowing why and it's unfair#so she should get to be mad also because girls getting to be mad is one of my favorite things 👍🏼#the realization that yusuke won't be lost without her so she shouldn't hinge her life on the expectation that he will be#she worries about yusuke a lot i think. especially after he comes back from the dead. and i think kuwa's presence would help ease that#dread in her heart. it doesn't have to be just me. there's someone who can be there with him always and it doesn't have to be me#the guilty relief of not having to be the sacrifice. but kuwa doesn't mind so maybe it's okay this way#idk just rambles about my fic while i puzzle out how to word it#character analysis#yukimura keiko#yu yu hakusho
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gah the youtube caligari musical was so weird and was such a mixed bag. and yet I keep getting the songs stuck in my head all the time
#to be fair a lot of them slapped#and we also got francis beating cesare to death with a club#but some of the plot changes and tone issues were. so so strange#I'm so conflicted on it#like the music and performances are genuinely so high quality#and I did like a lot of the characterization choices#but when it was good. it was really good. and when it was bad. it was really bad#I can't stop thinking about it#like there's some elements that were done so well and others that missed the mark by a Lot#still not over the stupid potion thing and how badly that fucked the plot over#but the character development was so good most of the time#did they really just create an enormous plot hole just so shoving jane and cesare together wouldn't be weird. was that it#but why do I keep coming back and listening to like half the songs#because the music was On Point#and also the super weird animatics they made by photomanipulating stills from the film#those were. really something#how can something be so impressive but so stupid at the same time#forever horrified and fascinated by this thing#the cabinet of dr. caligari
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Me looking at the stats page on my ao3 account:
#rip#all things considered i don't think i'm a terrible writer? i mean i'm not a huge fan of my writing#but i do feel that i deliver the occasional banger#i do think it's funny that my p*rn fic has like almost 2k hits and very few kudos/bookmarks#like ah... people keep coming back to this. nice. i really should write more of that sort of thing#i think ppl also might revisit the gilly/g*le one as well but i don't know for sure#i mean maybe not. my impression is that they open it and are immediately unimpressed and then close out#which. fair. i very much wrote that one for myself#anyway
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SO fucked up that when u study languages they also make u study architecture history and ant biology and economy and european politics hierarchy so by the end of the semester i still cant tie a proper sentence in any language but sure i can differentiate the neo gothic style from rococo or tell you what a bull market is
#shut up dave#im tired im tired im tired i dont care abt any of this#i mean i do enjoy architecture and art periods. i dont want to be required to know all of them#i have an exam tomorrow and one on sunday and one on wednesday and one on next saturday#then on monday and tuesday and the following saturday and monday too#and frankly. im only confident i can pass 3 maybe 4 of them#for the rest??? idk ill need to study and im very bad at that#but hey we got the grades back from the first exam!! the one i took last week and i got a 9 yippeee#that is out of 10#it was in german interpreting n like. genuinely. im good enough at consecutive interpreting that i dont think theres a way 4 me to fail#like even if i mess it up i cant do THAT bad#i had to do it 4 english today and i think i fucked up sooo big it was so embarrassing. but then we got to the critique of my performance#and. it was all the usual nitpicks? like few word choices#the occasional discordance with adjectival conjugation. few points that 'havent clearly come across'#in my mind i had missed like a whole half of the speech but apparently it was p good still#now the problem is. same prof who teaches that subject also teaches specialized languages#and im. very bad at that one for simple reason that i have not processed any information all year#um maybe next time dont make your class about the stock market? idk just a suggestion. i dont care for wallstreet or whatever.#tho to b fair i didnt care for the european parliament last year either so ig u just cant win me on those terms#but if we get to specializing on the judiciary field i think i wouldnt be able to keep ignoring it. because of the circumstances#i have two more shirt designs to finish before the month ends but as u can see school wants me dead at the same time#one of said designs is a full 7 character thing :/#and the other. well ive already made 3 thumbnails for it and nothing rly clicks the way i want it to
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I notice that even though Citron's my fave, I spend more time here talking about Orange and Navel.
I think it's fear of being wrong.
#I can say with upmost confidence that everything I say about Orange and Navel is accurate#that's a joke but I do feel like I can say “whatever I want” and not feel like I'll be horribly wrong about it#I've even discussed with myself why if it turned out Orange and Navel were actually born the same year as Citron it'd still make sense#that's not my fave age breakdown but if someone else or the game said they were I'd be like a'ight that's fine I guess#I don't want to say something wrong/inaccurate about Citron tho because the thing is that no matter where I go I'm the odd one out somehow#and I don't want to know what I think on Citron might be wrong I love him and so I'm extra sensitive there#I even have a whole partial joke post that no one reacted to (okay it's a ship post but he's half the ship so...)#that shows me no one agrees with me so I should keep to myself#also tho Orange and Navel are just easier to come up with headcanons for lol#But like like like when I write Citron he's actually the least independent to himself brother if that makes sense#(I'm not sure it does... it's explained better a couple tags down but I'm not saying he doesn't have his own interests#but rather some of his interests/opinions are somewhat influenced by his brothers & he's like that the most out of the four of them)#I mean I haven't written enough Tangerine to compare him here so he might be more but then again he's very opinionated and sure of things#so who can say yet#(I say as if I've written any of them much at all. Genuinely this might not be an entirely fair comparison but still.)#Citron & his brothers#as for how I write Citron he like like has approximate knowledge & mild interest in certain things bcuz he knows his brothers are into them#which is kinda the reverse of SenriMono huh?#but to me it makes sense for Citron because he doesn't want to be fighting with his brothers he wants to be on good terms with them#so I think in the back of his mind he takes interests in things and has thoughts like: 'maybe I can talk to them about these things one day#or 'if there's a point when we're not fighting I'll ask ____ about ___'#you know?#these tags are too long#sorry for rambling#I legit could've just made a separate post with them#but then I'd be putting my thoughts on Citron on display and that'd be scary so I won't move them#I'm almost certain no one reads my tags anyway#still. sorry to the person who actually does and had to read through all this#idk why you didn't stop but I appreciate you regardless :3#by the way did you know there was a 30 tags tag limit? I just found out lol
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absolutely evil fic idea! sophitz soulmates au where post-war they reconcile but also find out that fitz won't make it to 100 due to the severity of his shadowflux echoes and the reason sophie kept surviving seemingly impossible odds was because the black swan 'accidentally' made her immortal.
to make things extra cruel: consider how fitz canonically counts on having thousands of years ahead of him to build himself a future he enjoys, and how sophie canonically struggles w/ the idea of living forever due to her human upbringing (plus the canon-compliant possibility of her hearing ten bajillion tales growing up of how immortality is a curse) :D
#i love love love soulmate au's. usually for the fluff. but this. this...#this intrigues me conceptually so much that i think exploring it would be worth the pain#i have way too many wips rn to write this. but#that doesn't mean i can't share it w/ you guys :)#i just keep thinking of how the tables of 'fitz comforting sophie about living forever because he'll be there' will flip#and it could flip in SO many ways#it could be sophie comforting fitz about death being inevitable because she grew up around death#and knows that death can be a well deserved (fairly) happy ending if fate is kind enough and you play your cards right#but it could also be them being so so so openly envious of each other's lifespans#like we could have a screaming match in the dead of night where fitz is like#how the FUCK is it fair that we both have echoes but I'M the only one that's doomed to die young because of them? how the HELL do you have#ANY right to speak on this? on how i should deal w/ having THOUSANDS OF YEARS RIPPED OUT OF MY HANDS?#and sophie's like well i don't know fitz! how the FUCK is it fair that you're the one that gets to have a finish line? how the HELL am i#supposed to be happy about NEVER getting to stop? about ALWAYS having to be the moonlark? about INEVITABLY LOSING EVERYONE I LOVE BECAUSE#THEY'LL BE DEAD?#honestly you could have both. you SHOULD have both. imo. hurt/comfort babyyyyy#also. if you want. you can have this be a thing where the immortal falls in love w/ the same soul again#but fitz never comes back as an elf. always something mortal#also when fitz dies. having a throwback to the search and having one of them go 'fuck time. fuck death. i'll find you again and again'#less 'death cannot do us apart' and more 'death can only separate us temporarily'#also. sophie having to watch fitz deteriorate from the golden boy she knew to barely hanging on to life. and fitz having to deal w/#sophie never changing in any physical way#don't you love feeling sad guys? angsty if you will? /t#sophitz#sophie foster#fitz vacker#kotlc#keeper of the lost cities#kotlc fic idea#sophitz fic idea
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and if i say canon adjacent, ivy inspired jasonxnico fic. i can’t stop you putting roots in my dreamland.
#I WISH TO KNOW THE FATAL FLAW THAT MAKES LONG TO BE MAGINIFICENTLY CURSED is SOOOOO jason coded tbh#anyways. look away if you're immediately put away by the infidelity trope bc i will brush over it#i'm thinking. jason is dead and nico one day just NEEDS to talk/see jason for whatever reason#and he goes to the underworld looking for him and he finds him#and he doesn't propose taking him out because jason wouldn't want that#but they talk#and then nico leaves and then he comes back and then it becomes like a thing#and they start getting closer and closer and the line between the living and the dead is already so blurred for nico but now with jason in#the mix they're basically invisible#and jason is also in a position where he's like?? nico is NOT spending his days with the LIVING because of ME! but then he doesn't want him#to go. eternally sscrficial jason grace letting himself be selfish for once but being in constant struggle because of this#and nico is also like. i want him back i can take him back but i won't do that i respects choices.#and anyways along all of this they're slowly falling in love/realising there was something there that went unaddressed#and there's this lingering sadness surrounding it because if they had just had time maybe maybe MAYBE they would have realised#OHHH its angsty#and i said it borders the infidelity trope because will is just there. 🕴#and technically nico is happy with will. he's ok. but he can't stop jason putting roots in his dreamland.#and because if i would write this (i won't) i would make jasonico as maybe at least crossing into emotional affair territory :)#idk what the conclusion would be? who you think is more insane? would jason accept going back or would nico need to force himself to let go?#bc by not doing so he's also keeping jason from rebirth and/or moving on. which not fair either.#tbh i think the main arc should be jason wanting to live. HE goes to hades to APPEAL for his release. nico is just the support. also a bit#of nepotism i guess take hades' son to appeal to hades :)#THERE'S SO MANY TYPOS HERE OMFG and nothing makes sense#let me get my thoughts straight and i'll type it nicely jesus fucking christ
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This isn't the best picture, but it kinda looks like Lana designed this armor for him and unintentionally (or intentionally) made them match, lol.
#swtor#kotfe/et#dude his armor is SO dark i couldn't see him on my screen for the majority of kotfe i thought his model disappeared#INVISIBLE...#i've also been thinking more about his role in this alliance that treats him in an incredibly utilitarian way#and since he's come to accept his role as a tool who just kills lana's enemies and nobody seems to debate that except to disapprove#he starts wandering off more and more#alternating between sleeping inside his quarters and camping outside to purposely make it difficult for people to find him lol#so they can't bother him with trivial tasks or lectures#andronikos laughs at lana and theron being irritated by it like haha. guess he doesn't like you lot after all to which they feel miffed by#but eight *is* a proud creature who can't be reigned in when his heart does not resonate with his keepers#and they decide it might be fair to let him do what he wants as long as he picks up when they call him#he ends up traveling through the rural regions of zakuul and enmeshing himself with the locals as a friendly sellsword#he just solves little problems he comes across sometimes for payment sometimes for free#and they think he's just a mercenary attracted by zakuul and they're like he's so nice...be careful sir the outlander might be out here#don't stay out too late but we'll know you'll protect us :)#they keep giving him shit like their vegetables and even a pack animal cuz he doesn't take money so whenever he comes back#the alliance is like where the fuck did you get these.#also you can't convince me the entire population of a planet is in (1) shitty city or none of them have already left for the wilds#the exiles do not count#esp since there's still remnants of life there im sure not everyone would give up their culture or way of living
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also i think a nice sort of trick to keeping missy feel in character even when you write stuff where you make her vulnerable and like admit to that vulnerability is to just mind her sadism. she enjoys seeing people hurt. probably especially people she loves. just because she loves you doesnt mean shes gonna try to make you comfortable. probably the opposite.
and dont just let her hurt people in retaliation/to equalise a power imbalance. because then you sort of keep her playing defence? but if you just let her hurt people shes hanging out with in little ways when theres absolutely no need to. just for her own enjoyment. i think that really helps to reset her to sort of baseline missy after youve vivisected her.
#this isnt like a writing tip bc i dont really knwo what im doing generally writing wise#this is just something i noticed yesterday that i'd been doing and i think it works well#i think this is why my vault fic 1.0 feels off#bc there shes either being vivisected or hurting in retaliation#but she never gets back to just like reset#anyway#i think it's probably canon that shes a sadist i could probably find something somewhere to back that up right?#im going more on vibes like the vibe is right#i also think shes meaner in the big finish audios#just for the sake of it#also as an identity performance but the just for the sake of it part is kinda crucial i think#if you ask me why i couldnt give you a good answer but still i think it is#also i just really enjoy writing missy be needlessly cruel to both 13 and yaz and how they respond to it#it's fun to push and pull at them and see how much they will take#and also the contrast with the things she does actually sorta honour#like theres a trust between the doctor and the master where they know very well which areas are like fair game to fight with i think#and theres also a difference in what theyre allowed to use against each other when theyre alone vs with an audience#they will keep each other's image intact when they fight i think#also i think the master can very well care for you and missy also definitely does#it's just that that care often comes with violence#like she'll console you with one hand whilehurting you with the other#or she'll hurt you badly just to take care of you afterwards#violent tenderness i think is really the foundation of this fic#none of this is right#but they cant get what they need in the right way#so they will get it in the very wrong way. and it's wrong. but it still feels somewhat satisfying#thasmissy#missy
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new shot for the collection
#ive seen some reblog that post by meatballs defending why they like tenma but im sure they dont want another so uhhhh#i like his design a WHOLE lot#specifically 03 tenma is very eye candy for me#the curly hair/big nose/beard of any kind is super up my alley#i love unique designs like that.if he looked like other generic fail fathers i probably also woudnt like him or atleast think deep of him#hm i guess thats not fair to say? idk hes just pleasing to look at. 10/10 silhouette#thats just physical but his characterization in 03 is just really good. like#i KNOW from what i post its just generic fluff material but his character is SO good#im not good with words but i usually agree with Astroboybrainrot 100% of the time#i could talk/draw him for days dude#like that one part where hes hilding Tobio and says 'youre the onmy thing keeping me to this world' or something like come ooooooooon#theres a whoke suitcase to unpack right there#he loved his son!!! albeit a little toxic and in a possessive way but stilllll#/bites a cable cord#okay thats it#im at work so i cant...i just gotta get back to work lol#i suck at explaining things so that usually why i just...do action things lol okay yeah#o|-< i cant wait to get home and draw him haha
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what if i got home from work and immediately had to do stuff for the house/my dad till 1 am then went to sleep so hard i didn’t dream then went back to work huh. what if that happened
#personal#i got six hours last night and that was the most i have gotten in several days#i mean my fault but it’s mostly like i’m gonna cut into my sleep time to have any free time#but anyway 10+ hour shifts 5+ hours cleaning/ helping my dad then sleep then immediately back at work#i was talking to my mom how bad life is yesterday and she was like but ur so skinny 😍#i did chew her out but we worked it out and i did admit the weight loss has made me feel better during all of this#but probably not great that i’m enjoying it you know? but anyway#but the lady who’s coming to live with us to help with dad came yesterday night so!#she was helping him when i woke up and left for work#definitely will be an adjustment to live with a stranger and god pleae please#let my parents keep the house normal enough for a human being#and i’m gonna have to actually make sure the house is clean bc that’s not fair to her#anyway will be a big adjustment but if i can sleep that’d be so fucking nice#i already cried at work but maybe i leave early? i wont i have 4/6 occurances just from calling out for my dad#but also hehe. one drops off in 9 days maybe i don’t give a shit#but also if i’m gonna get an occurrence might as well get a full day#many thoughts probably will stay the whole day#i told my mom when this is all settled i’m taking a vacation and not doing a single responsible thing#i hope she can take a vacation soon too#but yeah second we have this settled im not working for 2 weeks not even joking
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We have work days usually on Friday to work on whatever upcoming assignments we have due. I have a lot of costume work (mostly detailing) left for me and theoretically I want everything done by like 3 and I get out of class at 2. Tomorrow is Friday. Which might be a work day for my only class. All of my upcoming assignments r done. I could show up (which would get me out of bed dressed and moving) and then if it’s a work day leave for my costume. This is a very good idea actually I will be doing this
#shoutout to tumblr text posts for cohesiving my thoughts once again#i am. so tired. I’ve been up since 9 took a nap from 5-7 and never really woke up :/#even tho I had so much caffeine!!! no fair!!!!#thank god for my old scene partner friend who had an arts and crafts project and did it at my place or else I probably would’ve never#worker on the costume nearly as much as I did. i got the crafts apartment#me and my hot glue gun against the world. fun fact! that hot glue gun graduated with me from high school bc I took it from the prop room#i did run props. i was the sole person who knew what was in there therefore I got to pick an object to graduate with#i picked my favorite pink hot glue gun and letter opener <3#also. i swear I have spent like the entire last 2 weeks with my old scene partner and our friend#it’s also weird calling him my old scene partner bc like. he and I r very good friends now but also people earn a title in my life#and it rarely changes. and I’d say my only college friend. but he brought one of his friends around enough that we are also friends now so#it’s inaccurate. i wouldn’t say best friend bc that’s a cursed title for me. there’s nothing else that fits. but old scene partner takes#so many characters and I only get 100 per tag lol that’s the real reason it feels inaccurate. very interesting though bc like#bestie cares about me?? and not passively?? he actively cares about me?? i also learned that I am apparently his closest friend I thought#our friend in common was out closest friend. also I showed a human emotion once. and it was a very interesting dynamic change#i come off as way cold and I think he may have genuinely thought I didn’t care much which isnt true at all I doubt I would’ve came back this#year if he wasn’t here. but ever since bestie has like. agreed to anything I ask him to do?? he went to spirit Halloween with me#he hates Halloween. all holidays actually. he keeps staying up late with me even though he doesn’t like doing that??#genuinely so confused bc I’ve never had a friend in person care about me this much it keeps catching me off guard#also he goes out of his way to make sure I’m comfortable which is another thing i have never experienced in my life#he is probably one of the best friends I have ever had. idk what to do about it#especially considering after this April I won’t ever see him again. and I’ll almost assuredly lose contact with him. it’s weird to think abt#soup talks
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the sudden exhaustion of being told i don't have plans has hit...like a truck
#idk maybe its bc ive been up since 4am#or the weather or bc my teeth & mouth hurt again#idk#maybe in still having a flare from the cfs im positive i have#idkidk#im just tired & wish i could write full fics again#maybe i'll see if i can just not go anywhere for a few days#maybe that'll fix me. maybe#or#is it depression. has that mean bitch come back after fucking off for 6 months?#who knows. i sure hope not because now is not the time for her#ive been doing so well---though to be fair. i am actively watching my dog fade away#so that could also be a factor#ive also given myself a fucking earache from grinding my teeth so much today#idk. i keep trying to think up comfort scenarios & they all go from normal to awful#do my friends hate me or do i just need to go to sleep? who knows. idk what's happening currently#its very annoying & im sorry i keep being so fucking whiny & sad on main#im just over exhausted + my dog + my country wants me dead + everything else#kit releases his feelings
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