#Inej wants him to be better she NEEDS him to be better and shed his armour and be emotionall vulnerable and honest to her

[miabrown007]

going crazy about kaz brekker hours

[mesillusionssousecstasy]

Shadow & Bone 2x08 - “No Funerals" : Quotes

"- He's putting up a good fight, this one. Like something's holding him on the other side. Give him a reminder then, what matters over here." (Nina)

"- What do we do with him? (Zoya) - Will you wait with him until we return? I don't want any heretics to find the body and make a martyr's relic of it. We'll burn him where he fell." (Alina)

"- Seems we both share an appreciation for life's beauty." (Tolya)

"- Thank you. My country might have been sunk if you hadn't arrived. Again. (Nikolai) - We'll settle those thanks in gold." (Kaz)

"- What does it matter? I can't imagine my life without you, I don't want to imagine it. (Alina) - We've both known for a while now you were meant for more. And now... I don't know what I'm meant for. (Mal) - You're meant... (Alina) - I was meant for you. As a mythical amplifier to help raise you up and achieve the unachievable. And I've fulfilled that. But now? (Mal) - Now... you're alive." (Alina)

"- You might be a saint, now. Bringing someone back from the dead. (Kaz) - I wish I could take credit. Wasn't me. She's the real saint. (Nina) - Once the world stops looking at her with gratitude, they'll start to wonder if she's outstayed her welcome. That'll be dangerous. (Kaz) - She may be the first person I've met who is both of the two most dangerous types in this world. (Nina) - And which two are those? (Kaz) - Those defending their happily ever after. And those who don't know how to find their way to one. (Nina) - Sounds like someone else I know. (Kaz) - I can make peace with this place. I'm not giving up on my happily ever after. I'll claw my way to one. If he'll let me. (Nina) - Let me help you." (Kaz)

"- No grave. Nothing left. Goodby, Aleksander." (Alina)

"- Today is a new beginning. For all of Ravka. Hell, for our whole world. It's a bit daunting, isn't it? Knowing where to go from here. We've had a singular focus for so long. So much blood has been shed. After hundreds of years separated by the Fold, we can celebrate a unified Ravka. Our neighbors to the North will see us united and will aim to strike. But often it's not the battle that takes the most from us. It's the aftermath. The chance to put the pieces of our lives back together. When a Firebird rises from the ashes, it is not the same. But in that rebirth, is potential. Potential for new purpose. Thanks to what Alina has done for us, we all have a chance to better the world now that the Fold is gone. And above all, you must trust. Trust in each other. In yourselves. Trust in the fact that this is the start of better days to come. And it won't be easy, of course. Nothing is. I had hoped to end that on a more uplifting note, but here we are." (Nikolai's speech)

"- I've been told there is a vacancy that might be more to your liking. (Alina) - It's not as a tracker, is it? (Mal) - Privateer. It's a life, Mal. (Alina) - And was this your idea or his? (Mal) - He's not the enemy. (Alina) - I know. He never was. (Mal) - I don't know what happens next. Where our paths will lead. Or who we'll be when we find each other again. (Mal) - If this path... leads me back to you, we'll know what we have is ours, and ours alone. Choice. Not destiny. (Alina) - Choice. That's the real true north. No chance left untaken. You whip this place into shape. Protect it the way you protected me all those years ago. (Mal) - I think I'm going to need more than a letter opener. (Alina) - This entire country will become your blade." (Mal)

"- You've been looking for my family? For how long? (Inej) - My brother is never coming back. Yours still can. (Kaz) - Thank you. (...) What do you want then? (Inej) - To die, buried under the weight of my own gold. (Kaz) - More money. More scores to settle. Was there never another dream? (Inej) - Stay. Stay in Ketterdam. Stay with me. (Kaz) - And what would be the point? (Inej) - I want you to. I want... you. (Kaz) - And how will you have me? Gloves on? Fully clothed? And your head turned, so our lips never touch? I will have you... without your armor, Kaz Brekker. Or I will not have you at all." (Inej)

"- This is good news. It took me a while to come up with a nickname for you. I think I finally found it. Safe travels, Sturmhond. (Nikolai) - I'm not a captain. I don't have the right to be... (Mal) - No one said captain. I mean, you wear, the coat, play the part. The world needs a Sturmhond. And I need the Volkvolny's eye on other countries. Tamar and Tolya are in command." (Nikolai)

"- You are expected shortly for the processional. (Apparat) - I'll be there straight away. Suppose I am the guest of honor. Any words of advice from your time ruling in my family's stead? (Nikolai) - Some might have cautioned you against staging this celebration on the night of Hringkälla. The most notable Fjerdan festival. And some might call it a strong opening salvo. (Apparat) - What should I call you? Certainly Apparat is not your birth name. You look very much like a Lev. (Nikolai) - You are drawing a line in the sand. You are demanding to know who has Ravka's back based on the attendance list. (Apparat) - That's the general plan. Yes. (Nikolai) - And you will face scrutiny. Distrust. Could lead to further problems. For instance, your claim to the throne might be called into question. (Apparat) - Any other optimistic words of advice? Leonid? (Nikolai) - Without being betrothed to the Sun Saint, you would not have made it this far. You're only as strong as her. (Apparat) - For a man of faith you don't seem to have a lot in me. (Nikolai) - I put my faith in those who have earned it. One more thing. There is no place for secrets when you sit upon the throne. (Apparat) - Such sage wisdom. I'll see you in the chapel." (Nikolai)

"- A visit from the King? (Alina) - Well, not until the Apparat drapes a dead animal on me and bonks me on the head with a scepter. (Nikolai) - It's very noble, this whole royal thing. Are you checking in on me? Or are you hiding from what comes next? (Alina) - Can it be both? Can it be me coming to thank you for... I would be so very incredibly, ultimately alone in this moment, were it not for you. (Nikolai) - All of Ravka loves you. Though Fjerda might not be quite so thrilled with the coronation falling on the same night as Hringkälla. (Alina) - Let me phrase it differently. Were it not for you, I would be the loneliest king in the world. You're the Sun Summoner, savior of Ravka. I'm honored to have you by my side. (Nikolai) - You're not going to have them clink glasses and make us kiss for them, are you? (Alina) - No. No kissing. Not unless you're thinking of me, instead of trying to forget him." (Nikolai)

"- I have a very important blade I have to return to Shu Han and I'm hoping to make some alliance while I'm there." (Alina)

"- You three... An opportunity has presented itself. The most lucrative job we've ever taken. There's a new weapon about to hit the market. If it does, it could make the destruction of the Shadow Fold seem like a spring picnic. Every corner of the world would feel the effects. It's a drug called jurda parem. Highly addictive. And if Grisha take it, their power is amplified a thousand times over. The chemist who created it fled to Kerch once he realized what he'd done, but the Fjerdans caught him. He now awaits trial. If the Fjerdans weaponsize this drug, the consequences would be unimaginable. Everything we've ever known, every strength we've relied upon, shattered. Any questions?" (Kaz)

[gemma-collins-ily]

Hi, sorry to bother you but could I request a possessive/jealous kaz x female reader please? If you do it and it's not a bother please tag me in it

Keep You Smiling

Kaz Brekker X Reader

a/n - ooh, bit of angst, bit of fluff! Not sure yet if this will be headcanons or not!

Warnings: jealousy, flirting and generally horrible people I guess.

Tagged: @mrs-brekker15 @melody13522

The Bastard of the Barrel had lost everything he ever owned and built up an empire from the ashes.

The only thing he had was you and the Crows.

He may have acted as though he detested them but he did truly care for them. He just had an extraordinarily disconnected way of showing it and little to no tolerance of Jesper's antics.

So naturally, when you got together, he was especially overprotective and possessive. It was partly to make up for the lack of physical touch in your relationship, to show he did truly care and mainly because he couldn't help it.

Kaz often found himself surprised at the urge to bring you close and wrap an arm around your waist when he was jealous. He wasn't sure if it was because he wanted to gloat that you were his without saying it, if he felt the need to protect you or to just have a reason. A reason to touch.

Because, the truth was, Kaz always had the desire to pull you into his side or reach out to you. However, he would never give in to those thoughts.

Because he couldn't give you false hope.

Hope for a future in which he could be normal. Take your hand without shuddering, care for you with touch naturally and cup your cheek without being repulsed.

He wanted to connect: the only thing was, Kaz was so certain he would flinch and compare you to that of his past.

He was also so stiff - he didn't flirt and if he attempted to it ended quite badly for both parties involved.

Subsequently, when Kaz saw someone else flirt with you and do something he knew he couldn't, he would step in.

Unless it was Jesper. Because the root of his jealousy came from distrust, not of you, but of the person you were having a conversation with.

And he did trust Jesper. Plus the sharpshooter knew he shouldn't mess with you, even if he didn't, he would never. The reason he wouldn't was that you were the one for Kaz and Jesper had the opinion that Kaz deserved you after all he'd been through.

Inej and Nina also shared that very strong opinion and if someone disagreed, they would probably attack them brutally.

And it was a very real possibility they would collectively murder them brutally too.

They saw the way he looked at you, even before you were together and they identified it as the same look Matthias gave Nina or Jesper gave Wylan.

It was love.

Kaz's eyes always held such adoration and wonder when he saw you. The adoration, simply because you put up with his moods or rages, you barely shed a tear when he took his lashed out at you.

In fact, you stood up for yourself. Made him realise he was in the wrong.

The wonder was because you were so innocent, sometimes child-like and it wasn't just a show. He remembered when he had been bewildered and slightly concerned for your mental well-being several times.

His lips lifted just thinking of it.

Kaz came downstairs to see what the cacophony of noise and giggles was about. He stopped his descent on the stairs after he saw you and Nina pulling on wellies at the bottom.

"You know one fantastic thing about fuzzy socks?"

Jesper shook his head and asked you what you meant with a twinkle in his eyes.

"You can slide along floors with them!"

Halfway through your sentence, you had erupted into laughter again and by the end, you were almost rolling around on the floor. It was as though you had told the funniest joke known to man and the others joined in, seeing you with such mirth lifting their spirits further.

You rotated on your heel as you stood to see him standing, seemingly completely unsure of if you were mad. You giggled again.

"Where are you going?"

"Outside, duh."

"It's raining and freezing, don't be so idiotic." He was trying to keep the concern out of his voice and act as though he couldn't care less what you did.

"Uh huh, sure, but I won't be cold if..."

You trailed off as you made grabby hands at his coat and he sighed deeply. He removed it and tossed it your way, making sure to hit you slightly in the arm with it, where he knew it wouldn't really hurt.

The others gaped in confusion but you only skipped through the door, into the rain outside.

Wylan was the first to get over his shock and smiled at Kaz. In return he received a scowl but he knew it was better than an emotionless expression. It meant he was having to repress a grin, or smirk at least.

The Crows followed you out of the door, while Jesper had to be dragged along by his boyfriend, who was mumbling about how overdramatic the sharpshooter could be.

A minute later, he looked outside to see you jumping in puddles and having splash fights, running your fingertips through the water and flicking them towards others.

Kaz opened the door and stuck his head out into the rain.

"(Y/N)," he yelled and carried on when he had your attention, "Pop the coat collar up, would you? If you're going to be stupid, try not to catch a cold!"

You smiled at his concealed concern and saluted, shouting a quick, "Will do! Sir, yes Sir!" just as an army soldier would.

He ducked inside and leant against the wall as he felt his lips quirking upwards. The door blew shut with the wind and he returned to the window to observe the blissful, innocent joy that looked so beautiful painted on your features.

An example of one of the times he would invite himself to the conversation, happened as you chatted away with the bartender of the evening.

She was pretty and multitasking, cleaning glasses as she talked with you, slipping in small compliments here and there.

The thing was, you were completely oblivious to when others would throw a flirtatious remark your way. You never even thought they were doing anything except being friendly.

Kaz had realised this in the past after he had observed you deflect compliments for your eyes, smile and hair, returning the admiration.

You only wanted to make the gloomy citizens of Ketterdam have brighter days by making them feel good about themselves and you weren't trying to flirt back - only be kind.

Kaz noticed the sparkle in the girl's eyes, the slight malicious glint that revealed her intentions. He stood, grunting as he took his first step after sitting for so long and marched over.

He then took things into his own hands. He greeted her in a clearly false tone, one that mirrored how close he was to snapping. The server gulped and he smirked as she looked down.

"Hiya Kaz, we were just having a nice talk. Did you know, she thinks my hair is lovely long?"

Once more, you were not trying to flatter yourself, only telling him of what had been said.

The woman almost lurched over the bar counter to get you to hush but he had heard enough.

"Oh did she now?"

He moved his burning stare to the woman and said tauntingly, "I do agree, that my girlfriend's hair is, in fact, stunning. Now, why don't you go and serve that pigeon that looks so inviting waiting for his drink."

She opened her mouth and his voice didn't even try to cloak his loathing of her as he snarled.

"Go and do what you were paid to do."

She scurried off and your face dropped. He had been trying to be polite, knowing you had no clue of her pursuance of you. Now you had recognised the poisonous animosity in his speech, you realised she had only wanted to have a quick fling.

Kaz noticed how your shoulders slumped and the prickling of guilt started to poke at his heart. He nudged your foot with his cane and you looked up to him, your eyes swimming with unshed tears.

He walked up the stairs to his office and once you had entered behind him, he closed the door gently.

"I thought she just wanted to be friends."

You were so upset because you yearned to have someone other than the Crows, who wasn't just trying to get in your pants, to strike up a conversation with.

"I know love. One day you'll find someone who will adore you as a friend."

Your gaze was still cast downward and it was obvious you did not believe him.

"Hey, hey, look at me. Jesper loves being your friend, so do Inej and Nina. If they exist, others like them must too."

He was making sure to lock eyes with you, letting you know he was absolutely sincere and you nodded, wiped your tears and squared your shoulders.

"There she is." he said gently.

Then suddenly, you remembered how he had shifted a little before you downstairs. Maybe it was to protect you or maybe, just maybe, he had been jealous. You laughed at the thought.

"What?"

"Were you... Jealous?"

He stuttered through his next unintelligible phrase then said in return, "Who wouldn't want to keep you to themselves?"

You flushed and he smiled.

"I'm glad you're giggling again."

He was teasing you, however there was an underlying note of sincerity lining his words.

He would keep protecting you and he would keep you smiling.

[bloodwrittenballad]

Greatest Weapon | Kaz Brekker

Summary: you’re Kaz’ greatest weapon, but he refuses to use you for one of his most important heists. angrily you question him for reasoning as to why and find out you’re not just his greatest weapon, but his greatest weakness too.

Warnings: fighting, slight angst, mentions of death and injuries, swears, shitty writing, little sweet at the end. readers gender isn’t specified. also please note i’m dyslexic so if there’s any mistakes please be kind about it!

let me know what you think! it’s rushed i know and probably not great but feedback is always appreciated! - parker

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Kaz sat at his desk, head resting in his gloved hands as he mulled over the conversation he’d just had about the largest mission with the crows. It was no doubt going to be a tricky one, and with your help the other were convinced it’d work. However, Kaz was not entirely too sure about that.

“I’ve said it before and I will say it again. We are not asking for their assistance.” Kaz muttered bitterly at Jesper, who was wide eyed at the suggestion of using your gifts. “But why not?” Inej pressed the matter. She’d seen you in action before, she knew you were more than capable of pulling off heists, especially one of this risk. “They’ve got talent, Kaz. Skill. We need that, especially now. Why can’t we use them?” Asked a desperate Inej.

“Because I said so!” Kaz had snapped, not meaning to come off as harsh, especially to Inej, but the subject of you had always round him up. “We are not using Y/N for this mission, and that. is. final.” The other crow members nodded, jaws slightly clenched and eyebrows furrowed in confusion, but nonetheless they listen to their boss and dropped the subject.

You, however, would not give up so easily. As soon as you had gotten to the Slat to hear the latest update on the mission, only to find out from Inej that you weren’t to be apart of it, all thanks to the ever so lovely bastard of the barrel, you saw red. Inej barely got to mutter out anything else she may have had to say, before you were stomping up the stairs to Kaz’s office.

You didn’t bother knocking like you usually would’ve, instead your soft hand met the cold metal doorknob, and ripped it open with great ferocity. The sound of intense creaking and Kaz’s name being spat broke him out of his thoughts, his cold and tired eyes snapping up to your angry ones. He stood up at once, his tall body standing still before your seething shorter figure.

“What is the meaning of this, Y/N.” He spoke in his usual authoritative edge. You scoffed. “Oh please, like you don’t fucking know exactly why I’m here. Instead why don’t you tell me the meaning of why you aren’t allowing me on this next mission? Huh? Why’s that, Kaz?” Your voice was harsh as you all but spat your words in his face, like they were venom seeping off your tongue in waterfalls.

Kaz wouldn’t lie and say he wasn’t slightly surprised by your aggressiveness, yet of course he wouldn’t admit out loud or show it. Still, the spite in your demeanor towards him in this moment was like nothing he’d ever witnessed before. Sure you were as stubborn as could be, there was no denying that, and as his greatest weapon, he knew more than anyone just how fearsome you were. You’d just never directed it at him.

Until now. And Kaz could see just how much these jobs meant to you. However, regardless of the fact, his mind was made up, and that was final. You were not to be joining this mission, instead you could stay there with any medical supplies they may need ready in case anyone got injured. But he couldn’t risk you being the one in possible need of help in the unfortunate case you got hurt if you went.

And that’s exactly what he told you, not that final part of him not wanting you get hurt though of course. You let out another scoff followed by the fakest laugh he had ever heard. Actually, come by think of it, that was the only time he’d ever heard you laugh in general. What a pity it wasn’t genuine.

“Oh so what, is this a demotion? Or do you suddenly just not need me anymore, is that it? I thought I was your stupid ‘Greatest Weapon’. What changed that?”

‘My feelings for you!’ Kaz’s mind seemed to yell at him. Instead he just clenched his jaw and narrowed his eyes at you. “It’s not a demotion, it’s protection.”He claimed. You rolled your eyes. “Bullshit. Protection against what exactly? You know better than anyone else that I can handle myself. Been doin’ it since I was a kid, I’m more capable than most when it comes to fighting.”

“I wasn’t talking about your protection.” Kaz hissed. Lie. “I’m talking about our protection, me and the other Crows. You’re reckless, you get hotheaded, that puts us in danger. I can’t afford you putting any of our lives on the line anymore, especially on this job.”

Another lie. You weren’t any of those things. You were one of the most skilled he’d ever seen or known, he just had to say these things to get you to back down. You however, being the stubborn pain in the ass you always were, still wasn’t buying it, even if you were slightly hurt by what he said.

“No. No Kaz I’m buying that. I’m not reckless, I never have been. I’m your best shot at bringing home the big win for this heist and you know that! Everyone fucking knows that! So tell me, truthfully, why aren’t you letting me do this? Is it punishment? Or could it be that you’re jealous? Is that it?”

Kaz drew in a deep breathe as he listened to you rant, which stopped you short in your tracks. “That’s it, isn’t it? You’re jealous. Oh Saints, is the Kaz Brekker jealous of his Greatest Weapon? Is that why you don’t want me going, because you’re afraid I’ll best you?”

His dark eyes glared at the mention, but remained silent. You just smirked, thinking you had figured it out. “Well then,” you hummed. “I guess now that we’ve gotten to the bottom of this I can go, can’t I? Unless you don’t mind me telling everyone why you had such a hissy fit over me joining...”

With that, you turned to leave his office, satisfied thinking you won and could officially go. But before you reached the door, Kaz’s voice calling your name stopped you in your spot. You froze, shocked by the tone of his voice. Not because it was harsh, not because he was snapping at you, but... because the way he spoke was so soft it was like a whisper.

That was something you’d never experienced before. Kaz had never sounded so, desperate? You turned on your heals to him, your boots creaking on the floor as you came face to face with him. And that’s when the real shock of this situation set in.

In front of you was no longer your boss, the barrel of the bastard that so many feared. Instead, in his place was a boy who looked like he’d seen a ghost. “Y/N,” he began, it came out in a croak. “Kaz?” You questioned, unsure you took a few steps closer towards him.

He looked up you, with shiny eyes that looked like they burned with tears waiting to be shed. “Kaz, I- Whats going-,” you began, but he held up a gloved hand, silencing you.

“Y/N,” he started once more. “I- I’m not doing any of this out of jealousy, o-or because I think you’re reckless. I’m going this because...” his voice goes quiet, and he looks like he’s trapped in thought. “Because...?” you questioned, eagerly awaiting whatever it was he was going to say.

Kaz inhaled heavily before exhaling, pinching the bridge of his nose and tightly closing his eyes. “Because I can’t lose you.” he finally concluded. And now it was your turn to inhale sharply, shock overtaking you once more.

“W-what do you mean, lose me, Kaz? I-I dont-,” he interrupts you. “This heist is dangerous, Y/N. It’s not like our usual ones, this one could mean certain death for some. I cannot let any of those be you. I won’t. I can’t. You may be my greatest weapon, but you’re also my greatest weakness. W-without you I- I can’t think of what I’d do without you. You’re all I have left, Y/N. The only person I’ve had by my side since I was a child that I have left and I can’t jeopardize that more than I have. So please, please I’m begging you, stay here. For me.”

Your eyes went wide and glassy as he spoke, all the words that tumbled out of his mouth hitting you at full speed while you tried to process what this meant. You rose your bowed head to look him in the eyes, they mirrored your own. Glassy and wide, but with a mix of something you hadn’t seen in ages.

Childlike hope. The same hope he had in his eyes the day you promised you’d be by his side forever when you were both children. His only hope left was to keep you safe, that’s all he wanted. And that’s when you agreed, “okay.” your voice was shaky. “Okay, I’ll stay. But just for this one, deal? As long as you promise me you’ll be okay without me. Promise me you’ll come back to me.”

Kaz felt many things in this moment of what he had just revealed, but mostly he felt relieved at your agreement. If he could ensure you’d be safe for even just an extra day, then he’d make it his mission to make sure this heist went perfectly so he could make it back home to you.

“I promise. I’ll come back to you, Y/N. I always will.”

[marisandini-chu-blog]

How Shadow and Bones Differentiate Villain and Anti-Hero

Alright, first I need to claim the fact that I love dark, edgy, but misunderstood bad boy in stories with the potential of epic redemption. Loki from Marvel. Jason Todd from DC. Captain Hook from Once Upon a Time. Zuko from AtLA. You name them, I simp them.

So when I watched this new show on Netflix and shown a tall, handsome man in dark clothing, both respected and feared for his power. I feel... nothing. 

WHICH IS WEIRD! Like... he’s obviously my type. Complete with the sad backstory and vicious streak. So I kept wondering why I wasn’t enamored by the Darkling, Alexander Kirigan. I wasn’t surprised he was the main villain, I even expected it. But I usually at least have a bit of sympathy for them. This OOC behavior of mine made me introspect myself and the show, trying to find out which part gave me the red flags before Mother Darkling decides to pop the chosen one out halfway in the season. 

That’s when it hit me; there were red flags! The show had been subtly trying to tell us Kirigan is a manipulative boyfriend not just by great acting and good directing, but by comparing him with the actual anti-hero of the story who I actually love; Kaz Brekker. 

Here’s the list of signs you might not notice of why Kirigan is meant to be a Villain instead of an Anti-Hero. 

1. The Eyes

"The eyes are the window to the soul" is a common saying and and the key to good acting for any good show. Eyes tell us a lot about what a person’s character is like and SaB showed us the difference of a sincere man and a man with a hidden agenda.

Look at him! Look at that little smirk. Look at the gaze. That's the look you find when someone's evil little plan is finally coming together. Not one awed by the power or by Alina. A blatant sus move is what I'm saying. Congrat, first flag planted.

Sure he could still fall in love with Alina, but that doesn't stop his agenda either. All it does is potentially create conflict for him to pick either his plan for revenge or life with Alina.

In comparison, look at Kaz when he said this to Inej; "She isn't like you, no one is." Straightforward eyes. Serious grim. No nonsense tone. Inej is one of the most talented and terrifying rogue-assassin and Kaz just blatantly said that he kept her from 'slavery' because of who she is, not what she's capable of. Like... the man has no shame being known to love her while still trying to be professional (or as professional a thief can be). I can respect that.

This is the eye of a man who would abandon everything to make sure she comes out alright in the end. Do not argue with me on this!

2. Leverage and Status

The moment Alina steps into the Little Palace she was treated like a princess. A palace, by the way, that’s managed by the Darkling. She gets favorable treatment; from the food, Zoya displaced when she fought Alina, a horseback ride just the two of them, asking her to call by his name to make them familiar, a black uniform that might as well be claiming???

Dude is desperate is what I’m saying. 

Sure, this could all be romantic gestures. There’s the problem that Kirigan is superior in status and name, powerful Grisha, and has a vested interest in her power. Pursuing romance while Kirigan has the ability to make her life heaven or hell with a snap of his finger made every single decision be seen with wariness. 

"Beware of powerful men," Genya couldn't put it any better.

Had they pursued romance after they destroy the fold, cementing Alina’s position as a saint more. Then I might have let go of that wariness. 

I’m only proven correct when the moment Alina turned away from him, Kirigan made another leverage by (spoiler!) putting an antler to her collarbone... eeeewwww much?! 

That’s how desperate the Darkling is to be in control of a person and a situation. 

And when no letter came for Alina? That a big red flag because who else in this castle can control the coming of going of letter with the Savior. HMMMMMMMMMMM.....

Then there’s Kaz. My man. There’s no competition. This guy held no leverage on my dear Inej. When she almost decided to leave, Kaz didn't force or convince her to stay but he ask her. Doesn't remind her of her debt whether monetary or life debt to him. In fact, this guy needs money for revenge but instead mortgage his main source of income for her freedom.

HE POSTPONED HIS LIFE GOAL TO FREE HER FROM DEBT ASJHAKFSDJGLDFJ!!!  

What more do I need to say? 

3. Sympathy Card

This is the type of point you want to watch out from your partners, ladies, gents, and others. The sympathy card is the way to go when anyone wants to reach out to you so you can take care of them before they abuse or gaslight you. 

While it’s good to share trauma and eased the burden, sometimes it's healthy to ask yourself whether the person can take advantage of you and to verify whether they lie to you or not.

When Kirigan shared about his past as a sympathetic boy with his secluded fountain and coin. Everything about that scene rang warning bells for me... the part he had requested her to use his color... requesting to horse ride with just them two... sharing sob story that may encourage Alina to help him...

Kudos to Alina to see through the fact she's seen as a means to an end.

It was only when Kirigan showed righteous anger and frustration of a war that's killing his people did Alina finally opened her heart to him.

Kaz however doesn't use the sympathy card. Heck, the man likes to believe he shed away any weakness and threw it in the harbor where it belongs. Kaz hates weaknesses. And garnering sympathy is an admission of weakness for him.

We still know there's a tragic backstory as any decent anti-hero would have... but by not sharing that, this implies that Inej and Jesper stayed because of who he is, and not because of who he was or how he came to be. They don't need a sob story to stay together and that showed a stronger bond between them.

4. Friends

To be frank, I find this the most hilarious because this point is the one that convinced me that Kirigan was secretly an evil bastard.

He doesn’t have any friends!!!

Like... dude had a literal witch army, a wife once, a fuck buddy, and a girlfriend but there wasn’t a single moment in the show where someone, outside of Alina and superior, to speak casually to him. 

You’re telling me this person... the most powerful and influential Grisha in the East Ravka, charming as hell, handsome as fuck, and yet he doesn’t have friends?! 

“I’ve buried good soldiers... friends...” Get the fuck out of here! WHAT FRIENDS?!?! Maybe if you get off your little power trip from your self-made pedestal, you can actually be less of an asshole and make one. 

Sure he excused himself by blaming his ‘ancestor’ for being a shadow summoner. I can see how the fear makes it hard for him to get close to anybody. But all the other characters who are part of his army only ever shown to speak with him respectfully, and the royalty even commend him. No one disrespected him even openly and you’re telling me he doesn’t have one friend amidst all these people?!

In comparison, look at Kaz. He’s brash, crude, and unapologetic. He held true to his moniker ‘Bastard of the Barrel’ and yet this ass has friends. They show Jesper joking with Kaz, and Kaz has shown to banter with him back as well as tolerating his gambling addiction when it could have jeopardized the Job. Inej was shown to actually argue and have disagreement with Kaz when he’s technically her boss. Can you imagine the Darkling doing that? CAN YOU?!

No. Because he's a pretentious ass. That's why.

This is a great example of the use “show not tell” of how Kaz despite his obvious edges has a soft spot shown through his relationship with Inej and Jesper, who have a friendly dynamic. I can attest that while Kaz didn’t create a good first impression, I love Jesper and Inej (they are precious!) so much that I project it to Kaz in extension.

On the other hand, Kirigan’s goodwill had only ever been told by outsiders or himself. None from his inner circle (which he doesn’t have!) other than his mother, who ended up outing him instead. 

So I applaud the writers and showrunners of SaB to actually have subtext signs of a manipulative bastard. The Duckling is a good villain character that's complex but unredeemable. Sometimes, you just have a good ol' charming villain you can't redeem and that's okay.

[klbwriting]

Unexpected Allies - Chapter 3

Fandom: Six of Crows/Shadow and Bone

Pairing: eventually will be Kaz/female!Reader but for now nothing

Warnings: I mean, Kaz Brekker is involved, someone is getting maimed

Summary:  Fawn makes good on her promise of a safe house and a power struggle begins

The rest of the journey to the safe house was mostly in silence. They spoke only when asking for relief or water breaks, picking berries and sharing some of the rations Y/N had brought on the road with them. The had to cover their tracks as much as possible, staying mostly in dense foliage to be better concealed from the roads. Soon they approached a rundown cottage deep in the woods, no roads led to or away from it. It was just getting dark again and Y/N knew that they were all tired and that Kaz's leg must have been in immense pain. She let them in the cottage and smiled at their surprise. She kept the outside looking dilapidated, but the inside was fixed nicely. She told the others where rooms were, that there were fresh clothes in each and sent them away to change before getting a fire going in the hearth. Once it was ready, she put a pot of water on to boil and assembled a small meal for them to have now that they were safe. No one knew about this place, she was confident about that, they could rest here for a few days, visit the town a few miles away to resupply, and then travel north.

"How did you know what clothes I normally wear," Kaz asked, voice suspicious, as he entered the room again in black slacks and an almost fitted black button-down shirt. She looked him over and made a face of annoyance, she thought she could tell his size better, but he must have lost more weight in prison than she thought.

"I asked to search your discarded clothes upon arrival, its how I got Jesper's guns, your cane and gloves, I noticed what your color was," she said. Black, like the Darkling, but not for the same reason she thought. The Darkling wore black to assert a fear over people, fear of his power, fear of what he would do if you hurt his people, Kaz wore black to give the appearance of someone who's soul was dark, who had an empty dark hole where a heart should be, and for a short time Y/N had believed that might have been the case. Then she saw the look in his eyes when he asked her for Jesper to be put in his cell. He hid his emotions well but that one millisecond of true love for his missing friend had confirmed her suspicion, Kaz Brekker had a good heart and soul buried deep under his emotional baggage. She didn't need to bring it out or make him somehow whole again, she just needed him to have enough of a soul to help when they got to the resistance, his brains and ability to strategically mastermind almost any heist would be such an advantage to the group, they needed this man.

"Thank you, for the cane and gloves," he rumbled, turning to the take the boiling pot off the fire. Y/N almost moved to help him but realized if she did she would need to get close enough to touch him so she let him handle it, standing nearby in case the pot dropped. Kaz surprised her with how much he pushed himself, she knew he must still be in pain yet here he was working, keeping himself busy, probably trying to not think about his now decimated home. She knew how much that must be weighing on him. Her own home had been eviscerated by the old king of Ravka a few years before the civil war, when Ravka was only at war with the Fjedans. She had been in training at the Little Palace by then and her teacher had had to tell her about her family's death. It was devastating, she still couldn't bring herself to hurt anyone, much to the Darkling's annoyance. She was useful for her way of getting information, but she could always avoid hurting someone, she couldn't destroy a family like that, not like hers had been destroyed.

"I thought they might be helpful in the future," she said. "I need Kaz Brekker to be back to full power when we get to the resistance." Kaz eyed her and she couldn't tell what he was thinking as he went back to filling a kettle with hot water. She went to the cabinets, getting cups and tea. Jesper finally came out to join them, smiling like old times now that he was in proper clothes.

"You should change," Jesper said to Y/N, motioning to her still being in the prison tunic. She nodded and went to her room, changing into a pair of pants and white button-down shirt, putting on her vest of pockets and jacket. She loaded up the pockets of her vest with her gloves, some small irons ball bearings, a vial of water, and a few things for first aid. She looked in the cracked mirror on the dresser and saw she looked a mess. She washed her face in the basin of water and brushed out the newly short hair she had, putting it up in a small ponytail to keep it out of her face. She shrugged at the reflection. She was trying to escape a prison, not win a pageant so she just grabbed her guitar from the room before heading to join the others.

Kaz and Jesper were already halfway through the meal before she arrived so she just sat down at the table. Jesper passed her a bowl and some bread they had saved, she smiled at him. Jesper was such a sweet person still, ready to kill a man on site for trying to cheat at cards yes, but still so kind.

"Thank you Jesper," she said, taking up a spoon and starting to eat. After they had filled themselves, she sat back in the chair, picking at the last of her bread. "We'll stay here for a few days, rest, get supplies for the town nearby."

"We should keep moving, they probably know where you live," Kaz said, looking at her as if she were an idiot for wanting to stay in her home. She sighed; she knew they would butt heads, but did it have to start now?

"This isn't my home Kaz," she said. "I live here in secret sometimes, when I say that I am visiting home, but I have no home to visit anymore thanks to the previous king. No one knows about this shack and I have made sure that it is not easy to find. The nearest town is five miles away and they have many travelers and shouldn't notice use as long as we take precautions." Kaz didn't look convinced.

"I know in the prison you oversaw my movements, but out here, I am back in charge, it is two against one in this room so we will follow my lead. Tomorrow we get supplies, then we leave. We will go to this resistance to find our crew and until we arrive you will follow my lead," he said, voice rasping with authority. Y/N had had quite enough men trying to rule over her for her lifetime. She cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Look, this town is a well-traveled area, if we go in tomorrow then it will be swarming with Grisha looking for 2 escapees that killed a high-ranking member of the Darkling's inner circle, if we stay here a few days those Grisha will have left to search other towns and we can freely get supplies and head out on our journey. I know that prison has addled your brain but even Jesper knows that this idea of yours is foolish," she said. Both turned to look at Jesper who was trying to sneak out of the room.

"Jesper, tell her she's crazy," Kaz demanded. Jesper opened his mouth.

"Please, his plan is idiotic..."

"No one has ever said called me idiotic..."

"Maybe not to your face..."

"YOU'RE BOTH WRONG!" Jesper finally said, voice loud and clear, startling the two of them out of their argument. Kaz and Y/N looked at him again. "Look, we do need to lay low, but we still need to get out of here quick. So we should take a day, regroup and set out a plan to get north, but we can't just stay here for days, they will find us, you think that the Darkling, with all the betrayal he's suffered, is just going to let his new girlfriend disappear to a shack for a few days and not know where it is?"

Y/N saw Kaz grip his cane tighter, mirroring the look on her of annoyance on her face. Jesper was right on both accounts, a day would clear out most Grisha from the town, giving them a chance to resupply and maybe get lucky and steal a carriage out of town, and he was right about the Darkling. She was an idiot to think he hadn't tracked her to the shed when she disappeared. She looked to Kaz and he nodded at her.

"We stay in tomorrow, the day after we get supplies, and we get moving," Y/N said. Kaz agreed. "Now, get cleaned up and get some sleep."

 Kaz had noticed the guitar that Y/N had brought out to the living area the night before but he didn't ask her about it until she began to strum it around midday. They were in the middle of their rest day and Jesper was still sleeping so it was just Y/N and Kaz sitting by the fire. Kaz had been thinking about what he planned to do once he found his crew again, how to get them out of the resistance, maybe find a new city they could run. Y/N had been humming to herself, picking at the guitar for some time now. Kaz found that the music was soothing to him, her voice deep and calming, it seemed to be helping him think. After a time he heard her mumbling some words.

"What is that?" he asked, looking at her finally, finding her looking at him as if in a trance. She shook herself and looked at him blinking a few times before her face reddened a little. Surprisingly Kaz felt his face getting red also, but he wasn't sure why. She had an attraction to him, that was clear now. He had thought perhaps at the prison she had been acting well, but clearly she did find him entrancing for some reason. And strangely Kaz found he liked that. He had known other women in the past had been interested in him, or well at least, interested in his power within the Dregs. There had been something he felt with Inej, but they had never explored that and honestly now that they had been apart it seemed perhaps those feelings were more friendly than he had previously believed. This that roared up in him now was new, strange. He had been in prison too long, he needed to focus. Y/N finally had pulled herself from her own mind, letting out a chuckle as she picked a couple notes.

"O, I used to write songs all the time, its been awhile but something just came to me last night," she said. "Do you like music?" Kaz should have just dropped it and not answered but he wanted to talk to her.

"Sometimes, but we didn't have a lot of music at the Crow Club, it was more gambling than entertainment, but what you were playing sounded nice," he said. She smiled at him and his mouth twitched up into a smirk.

"You never smile do you?" she asked, setting the guitar flat in her lap. He could see that there was writing on it, signatures. She followed his eyes and her own eyes turned sad. "My family...friends from my village, they signed it when they gave it to me. It was a present when I left to do my Grisha training." She looked back at him, her dark eyes a little watery. "My older brother taught me to play it when I was 4, couldn't even reach the strings." Kaz looked at her, a memory flooding back of being back on the farm, he was with Jordie in the barn, around 6 and Jordie was showing him how to tie a fishing line so he could go fishing for the first time.

"You're right, I don't smile," he said. He knew he should keep his mouth shut but he couldn't help but ask. "Do you know if Pekka Rollins survived the assault on Ketterdam?"

"I don't know, I don't have a list of names and I wasn't there," she said. He could tell she was lying, probably thinking he would hate her for being present at the destruction of his home but he didn't hate her. What he hated was the idea that Pekka Rollins could be dead and he hadn't been the one to kill him. "Was he a friend of yours?"

"No, his death was supposed to be at my hand," he responded, voice rasping in anger. He ran a hand through his hair, noting it was significantly longer than it was before he went to prison. When he glanced up at Y/N he saw she was watching him intently again. "It's rude to stare."

"Ya well then don't do that to your hair, makes me want to touch it," she responded. He looked at her, expecting her to giggle or blush and look away but instead she just stared right back at him. He swallowed hard. Why did her eyes have to look through him? It was almost like she could see what he was thinking. The thought of someone touching his hair made him shutter internally but he couldn't lie when he thought about her doing it, it wasn't as repulsive as everyone else, it almost seemed like it might be nice. She smiled at him.

"If you are ever comfortable enough let me know, I can give you a haircut or something if you want," she offered. He was going to answer when Jesper came stumbling out of his room, shirtless wearing one shoe.

"Is anyone making dinner?"

[in-my-feels-probably]

INEFFABLE - Kaz Brekker

Chapter Thirteen

If you would like to read this on Wattpad, it’s on there as well, my @ is in_my_feels_probably and there’s a few visuals and better descriptions and stuff on there. otherwise, enjoy, let me know what you think, and you can check out my masterlist for updates and more. don’t forget to read the prologue, it’s important to the story!

INEFFABLE – Kaz Brekker

ineffable (adj.) too great to be expressed in words, utterly indescribable; too sacred to speak of. 

Chapter Thirteen

The Crows were ducked away in a shed, as safe as they could be for the moment. Kaz had emptied his pockets, placing everything he had on the table. A couple Ravkan coins and bills, and not much else.

Inej was grimacing. “Is this all we have left?”

She groaned, clutching her side, taking a deep breath. “Jesper, my bag.”

She pulled up her shirt to reveal a deep wound on her abdomen just as Jesper had turned around. He gagged, averting his eyes.

“Mother of Saints.”

Elham chuckled, helping Inej lean back against a stack of hay on the floor so she could have better access to the wound. She lowered her to the ground, helping hold her shirt up, not missing Kaz’s look of concern. She turned back to Inej, watching her grab things out of her bag.

“It’s not healing on its own. I need to stitch it.”

Elham glanced at Kaz and Jesper’s uneasy faces, giving them a grin.

“Don’t worry, I happen to specialize in stab wounds. Granted, I’m normally on the other side of them, but that’s alright, I’ve had enough sticks myself to know how to stitch them up.”

Kaz turned his head away as Elham threaded the needle, handing it to Inej. “How long before you can travel.”

Inej was quick to respond. “Not long. Where?”

“Ketterdam.”

Elham whipped around to face him, but he wouldn’t meet her eyes. Earlier, she was so sure that they’d either get the kruge, and she’d be safe from the Menagerie, or they wouldn’t make it back to Ketterdam, and it wouldn’t matter whether they got it or not. But to go back now, and empty handed, she would almost certainly have to go.

“Between our dwindling funds, lack of time, and conflicting interests, it’s time we cut our losses.”

He moved to go outside, and Elham called after him. “Kaz.”

He didn’t look at her, stepping out the door.

“Kaz!”

He was already gone.

Jesper scoffed. “I guess the Bastard misses the Barrel.”

Elham shook her head, willing the tears not to fall, turning her attention back to Inej. “Hey, love. Let’s get this fixed, yeah?”

Inej took a deep breath as Elham grabbed the needle, hooking it through her skin. She pulled the skin taught, trying to get it done as quickly as she could.

Jesper groaned, gagging, having to turn his head.

Inej scoffed. “You can watch a bullet tear through a man, but a needle’s too much.”

“It...yeah, well, you see, bullets are bam, in and out. That’s...just...ugh!"

Elham laughed, letting Inej take the needle and finish it up. Jesper was still groaning.

“Where’d you learn to do that?”

“When I was at the Menagerie.”

“Yeah, but why would you...oh. That’s dark.”

“Which is why I can’t go back.”

Elham’s smile fell from her face, her laughter dying. It was bad enough that Inej had to go through all of that pain, but now it was looking like she would have to as well. She knew she would be able to handle it, and even if she couldn’t, she would go on anyway. Heleen would get what was coming to her one way or another.

Elham swallowed. “You’re not going back. You know that.”

Inej’s eyes clouded, and Elham watched her try and fight tears. She quickly gave her a smile, grabbing her hand.

“It's ok, it's ok! We’re both gonna be fine, yeah? Right, Jesper?”

He tried his best to lighten the mood, but his face was full of pity, and Elham knew in that moment that Inej had told him about her deal with Heleen.

“Yeah, that's right, love. Inej, I bet if you told Kaz that story, I think he’d murder Heleen himself.”

Elham chuckled. “Saints, if he doesn’t, I will.”

---

It was nightfall now, and Inej was well enough to stand and move around. Elham led her outside, where Kaz was sitting on a wooden box, staring into the flames. She led Inej over, before taking a seat next to Kaz.

Inej stayed standing, handing Kaz his cane. “Jesper fixed your cane.”

He took it from her, bringing it close to him. He rested his hand on the Crows head. Elham noticed how he almost seemed more at ease with it, like it was another limb, in the same way that her sword was like another limb to her. And, Saints, did she miss her sword.

He said nothing, not even a thank you, and Elham gave him a look. He sighed, clenching his jaw. Inej turned back to head inside, when Kaz called after her.

“You were right.”

Inej turned back to him. “About what?”

“The Sun Summoner. You were right. She’s real. I played it over and over in my head. None of it’s a trick. The light was hers.”

“So, what? Kaz Brekker finally believes in Saints?”

“Hardly.”

“But you just said that--”

“I said Alina Starkov is a Grisha with the power to manipulate light. She’s a girl with a gift, not some savior of lore.”

“Fine. Kaz, if not Saints, what do you believe in?”

Kaz glanced at Elham, and she held her breath, meeting his gaze. He turned back to Inej.

“Myself.”

Inej scoffed. “Why’d I even ask?”

“And you. And Jesper...and Elham. My Crows.”

“Because we flock to your bidding? Like the animals of vengeance you named us after?”

Elham laughed quietly. “I happen to like crows.”

“Crows don’t just remember the faces of people who wronged them. They also remember those who were kind. They tell each other who to look after and who to watch out for.”

He was talking to Inej still, but he was looking at Elham.

Inej nodded at him, heading back inside. “Thank you, Kaz.”

And then she was gone. Elham was left next to Kaz. They sat in silence for a moment, before Kaz spoke up.

“I knew, you know.”

She faced him, and he was already looking at her. She felt her cheeks heat up under his stare. “Knew what?”

“That you’re a Grisha.”

Her eyes widened, and her face contorted with confusion. “What do you mean you knew?”

“Of course I knew. How could I not? I notice everything about you.”

Elham was hiding a smile now, eyes watering. “Like?”

He scoffed, exasperated.

“Like? Like everything. Like how you run warmer than everyone else. That was one of the first signs. That night I broke my leg, and you had to help me back to the Slat. Your hand touched the back of my neck, and you were warm. Unnaturally warm. I couldn’t figure it out then, but as I put the pieces together over time, it made sense. I guess that’s just another part of you being an Inferni, or just another thing different about your powers than the other Inferni.”

Elham felt a tear roll down her cheek.

“I think you being warm to the touch helps. When I touch people, and their skin touches mine, it’s like I’m back in the harbour with those bodies again. Cold. It’s so fucking cold, and it makes my skin crawl. It’s like rubbing against sandpaper. But when I touch you...it’s not like that. It’s still difficult for me, but not unbearable.”

She was in awe of his words, but he kept talking about the other things he noticed about her, rambling.

“Like how you like to rile Jesper up, just to get a reaction out of him. Like how you sit in that chair in my office in the most uncomfortable position you could possibly be in, just to spite me. Like how you were fearless when you offered yourself up in Inej’s place to Heleen, because you’re just that protective over your family. Like how you’re ruthless when you’re the Valkyrie.”

She could feel the tears streaming down her face, but she ignored it, listening..

“How could I not notice all of that? I mean, Saints, El, you’re...you’re--”

She caught her breath, asking. “I’m what?”

“You’re fucking ineffable.”

He took his cane and tapped the end of it to her ankle, the faintest smile on his face.

“I missed doing that.”

She felt a sob catch in her throat, and she quickly wiped at her eyes. Her mind was racing, she couldn’t think of the right words to say. He beat her to it.

He murmured. “I have something for you.”

He pulled a sword out from under the bench. She gasped as he picked it up and unsheathed it. It was absolutely beautiful. The hilt was pure matte black, with shining silver engraved all throughout. It was heavy in her hand, the weight familiar. She sheathed it, turning to him, in awe.

“I found it in the Darkling’s carriage, under one of the seats. Figured it was fitting for you to have it.”

Elham belted it around her waist, strapping it to her back through the harnessing on her back.

“Thank you, Kaz. I really missed having one.”

He almost grinned. “I needed my Valkyrie fully functional again. The Grisha power is a plus, but I’ve always preferred you with a sword. Now, what are you gonna name it?”

She turned to him, confused. “Name it?”

“All of the good swords have names.”

She nodded, pondering for a bit, before a smirk landed on her face.

Inej named her knives after her Saints, Elham would name her sword after her sins.

Afterall, she was no Saint.

“Wrath.”

Kaz scoffed, letting out a dark chuckle. “Wrath. I like it.”

She smiled at him again. “Thank you, Kaz. I mean it.”

He knew she wasn’t just talking about the sword, and that she meant thank you for everything. For sticking with her all those years, for giving her a place in the Dregs, for making her the Valkyrie. For everything.

He just nodded. “Come on, let’s go show Jesper your new sword. He’s a little scared of you with one, did you notice that?”

She giggled, and a grin appeared on her face. Kaz would never admit it, but he loved watching her happy like this.

“Oh, I know.”

---

A/N - i was so excited to write this chapter, it has some of my favorite stuff in it that i wanted to write. not entirely loving it, but it's decent i guess. we still have about an episode and a half of content left, a few more chapters to go. i wanted to get this one out because i know the last one was shorter. i hope y'all liked this chapter, let me know. thank you for the support!

[isuckatreadinglol]

Crooked Kingdom Review 🕰️

Holy shit.

(spoiler warning, duh)

Book: Crooked Kingdom (Book 2 of the Six of Crows Duology)

Author: Leigh Bardugo

Rating: 5.5/5

The Plot

This book took me a bit longer to finish because I wanted to absorb as much of the plot as possible because of how much action there was. Every chapter had something going wrong (cough cough part 4) which made it impossible to put the book down. Some parts literally had my heart racing.

There were a lot of interesting moments and I would hardly say they were predictable. At some parts of the book I literally had to just...sit there and just think about how incredible the twists were. I never expected anything to happen, and the way things played out in the end were mind-blowing. I loved the way the plot expanded and it was very satisfying when the book ended.

The Characters

"Where do you think the money went?" he repeated.

"Guns?" asked Jesper

"Ships?" queried Inej.

"Bombs?" suggested Wylan.

"Political bribes?" offered Nina. They all looked at Matthias. "This is where you tell us how awful we are," she whispered.

I fell in love with every single character and watching them grow made me so happy. I think personally I loved Kaz Brekker the most in this book because you really got to see how his trauma left him scarred, as well as how skillful he really is when it came to the missions. The smallest details of Kaz's character just built him into such an awesome character. His backstory expanded, explaining so many things that I didn't even think I needed to know until I read them. Plus the fact that he basically wrote the book. Leigh made up the idea for the plot and Kaz said "I'll take it from here".

"I don't hold a grudge. I cradle it. I coddle it. I feed it fine cuts of meat and send it to the best schools. I nurture my grudges, Rollins"

And that was what destroyed you in the end: the longing for something you could never have.

Inej stole my heart again and again and for what. She really is such a well-built character with amazing determination. The beginning literally had me shaking (It was also the part of the book that had my heart-racing) because I really felt for Inej. Leigh also wrote Inej's kidnapped chapters perfectly, it felt so real. Her showdown with White Blade was so beautifully written and honestly Dunyasha was such a cool character I almost wish she was developed into something more rather than killed.

Anyway, Inej holds a place in my heart and it was refreshing to have such an in depth character, from her history at the Menagerie, to her references of her culture (which were so beautiful). It really made her stand out from the rest of the crew and she was just an incredible character.

"That was how you survived when you weren't chosen, when there was no royal blood in your veins. When the world owed you nothing, you demanded something of it anyway."

"The Suli believe that when we do wrong, we give life to our shadows. Every sin makes the shadow stronger, until eventually the shadow is stronger than you."

Her heart was a river that carried her to the sea.

Jesper was the character I resonated the most with. His backstory was so interesting and structured, but simple. I did enjoy the appearance of his father because it added an element of Jesper's character we didn't see much of before. We got to learn his backstory and learn about his relationship with his father. His unhealthy habits was also something I resonated with so it comforted me to be able to understand this character and connect with him. Also, I love the fact that his ADHD was given more attention to show how and why he dealt with situations the way he did. Also, when he bent the direction of the bullet at the last part...chills. He's my ultimate comfort character and I loved getting to know him.

Guilt and love and resentment were all tangled up inside him, and every time he tried to unravel the knot in his gut, it just got worse.

There's a wound in you, and the tables, the dice, the cards--they feel like medicine. They soothe you, put you right for a time. But they're poison, Jesper. Every time you play, you take another sip.

Nina was definitely one of my favorite characters to see grow. The creativity that was put into her powers was amazing and she was just such a badass. She could literally raise fuckers from the DEAD????? That shit made me lose my mind like how powerful can she GET. She was definitely an awesome character and I really wished we got some more on her powers and her story after they got their money.

She was the Queen of Mourning, and in its depths, she would never drown.

Wylan...sweet Wylan. I love him so much it hurts. He was such an entertaining character and his courage was awesome, he really stood out from the rest of the characters because of how different he was from all of them. He also admired all of the crows and was treated like a little brother by all of them which was so cute. The character development went from "Why am I here?" to "How can I help?" and I loved seeing him become a part of the crows. Also in that last scene where he's just leaning against the wall, beat the fuck up, was so good SAINTS.

Wylan summoned every bit of bravado he'd learned from Nina, the will he'd learned from Matthias, the focus he'd studied in Kaz the courage he'd learned from Inej, and the wild, reckless hope, he'd learned from Jesper, the belief that no matter the odds, somehow they would win.

But they were his first friends, his only friends, and Wylan knew that even if he’d had his pick of a thousand companions, these would have been the people he chose.

Matthias back with his long ass chapters (until chapter 40 LOL) (i'm so sorry that was outta pocket). Anyway, I still had meh feelings for him but I loved him and Nina's relationship. Yes, I shed a few tears when he died that shit hurt come on now. I did like to see his protective side and him overcoming his fears and past beliefs. The character development in him was immaculate.

He was on the ice once more, and somewhere he could hear the wolves howling. But this time, he knew they were welcoming him home.

The Ships

Kanej: cries. literally in tears. bawling my eyes out. throughout the entire book. THEY HELD HANDSSSSSS, HE OPENED UP TO HERRRRR, THE SHIPPPP AND THE PARENTSSSSSSSS AHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY HEARTTTTTT

I would come for you. And if I couldn't walk, I'd crawl to you, and no matter how broken we were, we'd fight our way out together--knives drawn, pistols blazing. Because that's what we do. We never stop fighting.

Wesper: adorable adorable adorable. my favorite gay mfs in the world. Jesper is such a fucking flirt though he had ME blushing. Also when Jesper kissed Kuwei HAHAHA WHATTT, the way Kuwei was like 😏 had me gone. Anyway, the chemistry between these two was something else (so much better than in the first book) and the ending with them was wholesome I'm so happy they got the happy ending.

Wylan shrugged. “Maybe. Not all poisons have an antidote.” Jesper snorted. “That’s why we call him Wylan Van Sunshine.”

This was the kiss he’d been waiting for. It was a gunshot. It was prairie fire. It was the spin of Makker’s Wheel. Jesper felt the pounding of his heart—or was it Wylan’s?—like a stampede in his chest, and the only thought in his head was a happy, startled, Oh. (<3)

Helnik: cries. again. sobs. This one hurt me so bad, I literally was just sitting in my bed staring at the wall, book in hand, crying. They had such a beautiful relationship and they grew so much together it HURT. The way Matthias was so protective of Nina and was always worrying about her. They planned their future together in their heads all the time. They were SO HAPPY WHY COULDN"T THEY JUST BE HAPPY.

They deserved the world.

I will always protect you, even in death, I will find a way.

You aren't a flower, you're every blossom in the wood blooming at once. You are a tidal wave. You are a stampede. You are overwhelming.

Final Thoughts:

My final thoughts are scattered throughout the review, but overall this book took everything from Six of Crows and made it better. It broke me, made me laugh, had me angry as fuck, but it also left me feeling like I knew these characters and they knew me. It really was so much better than the first book in so many different levels and I will never get over this book. Truly better than waffles.

[theoppositequeens]

let’s give love another life

For @kanejweek Day 1: Mythology (gods & saints, soulmates)

Read it on Ao3 here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/31920445

Pairing: Kaz/Inej

Rating: T

Title from Lea Michele’s Run to You

let’s give love another life

Some said that to meet your soulmate, you had to sacrifice.

What, that was the unclear part. Some said the bond only bloomed if you were both ready, if you had worked on yourself, if you were bettering yourself. If you were ready to accept love into your life. Some whispered on street corners that only those who had survived something horrible and come through on the other side deserved a soulmate from the Gods, the Saints, whatever entity one believed granted the bonds.

Kaz Rietveld had once dreamed of such a bond. As a child, he had watched his Da's soulmark, a stylized black marigold flower on his bicep. Jordie would tell him quietly at night about how it had once been in color, before their mother died. His brother spoke of the yellows, the oranges, the greens that had tangled over his father's skin. Of the stalks of yellow wheat on his mother's bicep, golden like on a sunny morning under a blue sky, until the day of her death. It seemed like a fairy-tale under their thin blankets, curled up together and whispering secrets while they should have been asleep. Still, in the darkness of the night, Jordie always told him the cruel ending to that tale. How his father had screamed when the color on the mark on his arm had slowly bled out, darkened.

Jordie told him that he had sat with his father as the midwife tried to save their Ma, clutching his father's arm. That he only remembered the screaming, and how Kaz's own cries of hunger and anger at being separated from the family while being taken care of by the midwife's daughter had mingled with his mother's, and later his father's. Kaz had been barely one, he didn't remember. Neither Jordie nor his Da had ever spoken of the sibling that had been lost along with Ma.

Still, despite the story of heartbreak his Da's soulmark told, Kaz had believed in magic. Believed in love, a soulmate that would suit him perfectly. He listened as Da told them stories about their Ma around the fireplace on a good evening, watched the fond smile on his Da's face as he remembered. Kaz Rietveld wanted that kind of love for himself.

Kaz Brekker did not.

He knew soulmates existed, of course, he had seen the marks, even once seen the bright white light when two hands met and marks bloomed into existence on previously unmarked skin. He knew they were said to be perfect matches. He knew they were said to be all about love, about calm and balance and understanding.

He didn't think anyone would ever understand him. He didn't think he'd ever want to explain himself to anyone, either. Being bare like that... Kaz Brekker was Dirtyhands for a reason. He had shed the boy who believed in magic, locked him away again every time he came out. Inej Ghafa in the sunshine, the sweep of her lashes, the determination in her eyes the way she held him accountable – none of it would ever show on his face, he thought.

He was so wrong, and he admitted it as he watched her ship sail away, standing in a shadowed corner of the harbor. She had visited him at the Slat last night, fed the crows for a final time, gone over some plans and information about slaver's routes. She'd dropped a document on his desk, stolen from an upstart rival he'd been looking into while she bounded around Ketterdam showing her parents around. It felt like a parting gift.

He'd never said goodbye, couldn't bring himself to. She didn't either, only melted into the shadows and out the window silently. A goodbye would seem too final, and his mind screamed at him to scheme, to keep her here, to keep using her both for valuable information and for soothing his own emotions, needs, wants. His heart squashed his mind ruthlessly, for once. She wanted this, she would be happy.

Now as he watched the Wraith cut through the calm morning waters, he admitted to himself that his own happiness had always been secondary. First to revenge, and now to Inej's happiness. So he would let her go.

-------

Inej watched Ketterdam grow on the horizon. She was returning after many months at sea, to restock and let her crew, who were mostly Kerch, have a long, well-deserved shore leave. It was logical, a good plan, and yet a voice in her mind whispered: you are here for him.

And she was.

Kaz's eyes haunted her dreams. She imagined his pale fingers between hers, imagined more. More touches, a wry smirk on his lips, his raspy voice in her ear. Imagined late nights scheming together, many goodbyes and many reunions as she left for work and always came back. She didn't know if she could have that, but she wanted.

Inej had never thought she could want a man again. Not physically, not mentally, not romantically. But she did. She had felt the first tendrils years ago in the Barrel, let herself feel something for its Bastard. When she had left on the ship, well aware that Kaz was watching, sequestered in some shadowy corner, she had thought of staying. But she had needed this journey, and she had followed the call of her heart. She had done a lot of good at sea, saved lives. Ended some as well.

Inej believed whole-heartedly in soulmates, but she knew she didn't deserve one after all that she had done. She would never be so bold as to pray for one from the Saints, either.

Screw soulmates, Inej thought. If I can only have Kaz Brekker, I'll be happy and never ask for anything more.

She didn't know if Kaz would be waiting for her. If Dirtyhands would greet her with a stoic nod, of if there would be emotion in his eyes. If he would acknowledge her at all. Sometimes, she felt she asked too much of him, leaving him in a broken and messy city with no promise of returning, and still requiring him to strip off his armor. Perhaps, this time she had pushed him too far.

Yet, the fear was not stronger than the yearning. She wanted to find out. Wanted more than a second of his attention, the way he always made her feel seen, but if that was all he had to give she would settle for it. She'd be heartbroken of course, but she was not so fragile she could not continue on with her life.

As they docked, her heart was in her throat, but only Wylan and Jesper showed up, warned in advance of her time schedule by a letter. She had sent one to the Slat as well, addressed to Kaz, signed it only, Wraith.

She had not really expected him to come, she realized. He had let her go, and she was relieved he would let her return at her own pace. To be the one who approached instead of being approached. Inej had had quite enough of men deciding when they wanted her attention, showing up and demanding it. She felt Kaz wouldn't.

Dirtyhands would wait.

Jesper and Wylan talked happily all the way to the Van Eck-residence, installed her in her bedroom and apologized that they had an official dinner to attend with the Council that evening they could not skip out on. Inej promised that she did not mind, that they could spent time together tomorrow and catch up, so they could tell her whatever secret they were keeping the lid on. She saw their sheepish smiles, and Wylan rubbed his shirt over his heart nervously. She had noted a lot of inconsistencies in their words and movements, and was fairly sure the secret they were hiding was colorful and etched on their respective chests. As she bathed she reflected on their obvious happiness, the way their souls seemed brighter and more balanced around each other. Inej was very pleased for her dear friends, and intended to let them "surprise her" with the information tomorrow.

Her feet learned the Ketterdam rooftops anew that night, and she fed the crows outside Kaz's bedroom window bathed in the last thin rays of the sunset. The window was open behind her, she had picked the lock immediately, and a soft wind rattled the papers on Kaz's makeshift desk. His chair was still empty, but she could hear the familiar thump of his cane coming up the stairs.

She heard the minute stillness as he stopped in the doorway, noticed her, before smoothly continuing. It was apparently an early night tonight for once, as he already went to the wash basin to strip off his shirt and gloves. Inej could hear the slide of fabric and leather off his skin, and she wanted to turn to admire him in his half-naked glory, but it didn't feel right. She didn't know where they stood, so she waited for him to wash and slip into a softer nightshirt first, before she turned.

"Hello, Kaz," she breathed, and watched the wind play in his dark hair, no longer slicked back and neat after pulling clothing over his head.

"Inej," he said, "you've returned," and she almost melted at his raspy and hoarse voice forming her name. It sounded divine after such a long time. She hopped lightly down into the room to stand right in front of him. His eyes were alert, bright with something she couldn't name, but they were not hostile, or worse, uninterested, bored. She thanked her Saints for this blessing. She could work with this Kaz.

Those coffee eyes locked on her own, and nothing was said. Instead, he offered her a pale hand, ungloved after his washing, and let it hang in the air between them

An unarmored offer.

Inej reach out slowly, hesitant to scare him away, and let their fingertips touch. Her tingled, causing a good kind of knot to form in her stomach, and Kaz swallowed heavily. Still, his eyes urged her to continue, speaking in their quiet language of understanding each other, and she slid her fingers into his.

The moment their palms touched, light sprung forth from their joined hands, lapping like a wave over Inej and Kaz to form a bubble of brightness around them. Inej took a deep breath in surprise as deep fondness and affection swept through her for this wonderfully horrible man in front of her, and laughter bubbled to the surface because of the astonished look on his face.

Kaz smiled when her peals of laughter echoed around the room, as the light slowly receded, but he did not cease to look at her as if she was something precious, something amazing.

Something magical.

--------

If someone noticed that the Wraith that returned to Ketterdam wore wraps of fabric around her hands, covering her palms, then they would assume it was for a better grip while climbing the rigging. No one noticed that Dirtyhands wore his leather gloves all the time – that was a given.

Only in private did Inej Ghafa and Kaz Brekker strip off their armor, to let their palms and the soulmarks on them meet.

[anonniemousefics]

A request from my ask box - “Can you do one where Kaz gets all flustered by Inej in front of everyone?” This is what came of that - hope you like it!

Jesper and Wylan collectively held their breath in horror while Kaz ran the silvery sliver of a sewing needle through candle flame, singeing the end black. Though his hands remained steady, Kaz breathed in shallow pants through his nose, the only evidence of how badly the gaping knife slash in his side was hurting him. From the reflection in the bathroom mirror, Jesper could see he’d broken a sweat.

“I feel like someone should be pointing out what a bad idea this is,” Wylan said. His arms were folded tightly over his chest while he leaned against the doorframe. His mother’s sewing kit sat on the bathroom counter.

“I know, but I can’t look away,” Jesper replied, unblinking. He realized he’d folded his arms similarly, like they both needed to block their bodies from what Kaz was about to do to himself.

“Move,” Inej shoved her way through their huddle, her hands full of clean towels.

“I come bearing numbness!” Nina sang from the hall. Her arms shot between Jesper and Wylan, shoving a bottle of whiskey into the crowded bathroom.

“Bless you, Zenik,” Kaz rasped, accepting the bottle. They were the first signs of relief he’d shown since the evening had gone from a lively reunion at the Crow Club to an all-out brawl with a couple of rowdy Dime Lions. While each one of them was scuffed and bruised, it was Kaz who’d taken a shallow knife wound.

Of course it would be Kaz, Jesper had thought, shaking his head as his old friend winced and shed his bloodstained shirt. Of course it would be the one among them who would refuse to let a medik touch him. They’d already spent the better part of an hour hauling his ass back to the Van Eck mansion and convincing him to do something about his open, bleeding wound.

Kaz wrenched the cork off the bottle with his teeth and took a massive swig.

“Oh, Saints, he’s really going to do it,” Wylan whispered, hiding his mouth behind his hand. He suddenly looked rather green.

“No one’s making you watch,” Kaz glared at him as he set the bottle down with a clink on the counter.

“Ignore him; he likes an audience,” Jesper murmured to Wylan.

“Such a show off.” Nina was less than interested as she casually leaned against the wall opposite the bathroom door. “Let me know when he faints.”

“Your support is so touching,” Kaz shouted out to her, the needle and thread glinting in one bare hand.

“Always here for you, Brekker,” said Nina, checking her nails.

“It’s not too late to get a medik, Kaz,” Inej said, soft enough that Jesper barely heard. She, too, huddled with her arms crossed as she faced Kaz, her hip against the bathroom sink. But Kaz just shook his head, a million unspoken concerns floating in the air between them.

“Just hold the mirror,” he requested of her, his voice tight.

Inej released a long, rueful sigh and reluctantly picked up the hand mirror from the bathroom counter. She followed Kaz’s instructions, tilting it just right so he could see the reflection of the gash above his jutting hip bone, and then closed her eyes tight.

Seconds later, Jesper wished he had done the same.

He and Wylan both shouted at the tops of their lungs, unable to suppress the visceral horror rattling in their bones when Kaz began to stitch up his side. Behind them, Nina cackled to herself in delight. But Kaz, though not to Jesper’s surprise, made no sound at all, with his teeth gritted and bared, his sweaty brow cinched tight.

“You don’t have to watch,” Inej shouted at them, glaring.

“Can’t stop.”

“Nope, can’t stop now.”

And they wouldn’t, horrifyingly mesmerized by the dark thread through pale flesh and Kaz’s determined silence. After several moments, Kaz tied off a quick knot and reached for the scissors in the sewing kit, releasing a shaking breath he’d been holding in. Inej quickly handed him clean bandages and damp towels, anxious to put an end to the evening’s gruesome plot twist.

“Saints, that was brutal.” Wylan sounded out of breath.

“Honestly, it wasn’t as bad as when he broke his nose,” Jesper said. “The second time. The second time was the grossest.”

“Not as gross as when he almost had his ear cut off,” Inej objected, as Kaz bandaged his midsection.

“Surely he fainted then?” Nina chirped from the hallway, hopefully.

“No,” Inej replied. She was helping Kaz with the scissors, clipping the ends of the bandage. “He’s always surprisingly stalwart, no matter how disgusting the wound.”

“I’m literally right here,” Kaz grumbled, grabbing for the whiskey bottle.

“She’s complimenting you, you grumpy old man,” Nina retorted.

“And she’s right,” Jesper interjected. “He doesn’t make a peep. It’s not human.”

“How?” Wylan wanted to know, still looking pale.

“Practice,” said Kaz, with a devilish glint in his eye and a smile full of teeth as he lifted the whiskey bottle for another gulp.

But Inej just rolled her eyes.

“Oh, please,” she drawled, looking up at him sidelong from where she fixed his bandage. “Don’t lie to Wylan. There are many ways to make you scream.”

And Kaz choked on the whiskey. Wylan snorted loudly, and Jesper threw his head back with a laugh as Kaz caught a few dribbles on his chin with the back of his hand.

“What did I miss?” Nina poked her head in from the hall. “What did Inej say?”

“I’m not repeating it.” Wylan held his hands up, stepping away from the bathroom.

“Good.” Kaz’s ears were turning red.

“Don’t worry; I’ll tell you,” Jesper told Nina, with a sly wink.

And, with that, they left Kaz and Inej alone in the bathroom with their mess and their insinuating glances.