#To me... Money and work/ambition in that way doesn't... Matter. Not something i care about at all... So i think it works

[mrfoox]

Talking with Oliver about friendships is so fucking... Intresting lmao

[conntingency]

hey friends, i'm kay! i'm excited to write with everyone here. i have the bae canon - bae jiyul, gremlin of the forest. i've got some info under the cut about him if you want a quick read type of situation. though you can check out his profile + about page for additional info as well. hit me with a like if you want to plot (prob on discord is easier?? bc of the shadowbanning,,,,) and we can think up something fun. 😎

his family is in relatively good standing within the town, but he's kind of the black sheep and largely off-putting. he was born pretty late compared to his brother and was absolutely not planned.

didn't really help himself out by being like, one of those sickly runt children. he has asthma, will Usually have his inhaler on him. was kind of a weird kid too, he probably bit people in kindergarten.

considered himself Incredibly close to jeongbin, and considering he wasn't that level of close with a lot of people his death hit him hard (even if he wasn't actually the best of people/friends). instead of drifting away from the woods, he just became obsessed with it. spends a lot of time out there drawing and wandering around hoping to re-find the cabin or the weird rumor-ghost of jeongbin.

he does have like Constant nightmares though. his sleep schedule is whack. he's a freelance graphic designer so it mostly works out schedule wise even if he doesn't make a lot of money doing it.

if he were a dnd character he would have a negative 3 charisma stat. just not great at coming across as confident and put together and the opposite of weird. he also gets attached Way too easily if you let him. he's like one of those people that decide they're your best friend after you hang out at the bar together once. like bro, chill.

bad at regulating emotions in general. tends to kind of swallow everything down until it eventually bubbles up in something large that likely doesn't match the situation.

also not great with boundaries!!!! we could all see it coming.

his family is pretty religious and he used to be but isn't so much anymore. his parents aren't please about it, but let's be real here, they aren't pleased about most of his life choices, so does it matter?

kind of a mess and largely ambition-less. he kinds of just...does what he wants at any given moment. isn't really focused about getting a better job or bettering himself or creating a good reputation in the town. he mostly just cares about the woods and gets kinda anxious if he's away from it for too long (why he moved back, even though his stint away at a university was a better time for him socially tbqh).

okay yeah i think that's kind of the highlight reel along with the linked pages!! i'm open to plotting with everyone. ik he's a weird lil pariah type so no worries if you want a hate plot, i love them as well. and i'm forever looking for someone to punch him in the face (it would be funny, don't pretend it wouldn't be funny).

[nguyetvan]

So I was thinking about what helped Louise got through the day in her childhood, and what is still helping her now. Both answers are the same: the people surrounding her, doesn't matter if they are close to her or not.

First day of Lunar New Year and I choose this sad thing as a character study topic. Woah me. Let's hope I haven't jinxed this year lmao.

Let's talk about when she was still under her parents' direct influence. They never did acknowledge her for who she was, as they morphed her into this version of the idealized child they had in their heads (resulting in her current diminished sense of self). She had no outlets to express who she was, and no time to discover one because her daily schedule was filled with classes of different things from early morning to midnight. It was a mental prison.

The only reason she got through it was because of others' moments of joy. Not hers, never hers, but others' - because those moments were proofs that her existence could perhaps bring something good to others' lives (finally something different from disappointment & resentment). These moments of joy were simple: it could be the smiles she was given after doing a simple kind act like holding the door for a stranger, buying a small meal for a homeless elder she came across (using the money she had been given by her parents to buy breakfast & lunch herself that day). Or it could just be the stray cats coming up to her to ask for food, letting her pet them. She held on tightly to those moments to convince herself that it was worth it to continue onward & she did indeed make it, although by living solely for others.

Now- well, it's hard to unlearn the one thing she was taught for the first 18 years of her life, but she's improving bits by bits. She still lives for others, but not for solely one or two person like she once did for her parents (she's learnt her lesson, and she's not going to repeat that) - instead, now she lives for everyone. This forms her attitude toward her work & it is the reason why she uses her spare time to get involved in her community: she knows that as a public servant, her actions have a lot of impacts, and she tries her best to make those a good one. She doesn't really care about herself and where she will end up (again, very little sense of self & 0 ambition), hence her fearless attitude towards her own co-workers & bosses. They can help themselves, so yeah. What she does care about is the people who have no voice in the matter, and yet get affected by her actions otherwise. She was from a poor neighborhood herself (although not one in the States) & her family's poverty was a direct result of the government questionable policies (the Land Reform Act of the former Vietnamese government) so she somewhat gets the struggles and frustrations.

About her volunteer activities, besides helping her getting another perspective of what's going on around her (a constant reminder of the fact that people aren't just words and statistics, that struggles don't just exist on newspapers and reports), it helps her get through the days - the same way how those small moments of others' joy did for her when she was young.

Goodness, this woman will be the death of me.

[theambitiouswoman]

Hi, I'm a big fan of your blog. I'd like some advice on a personal issue. I have a boyfriend who I love so much and he loves me too. There's just one issue. He lacks ambition. He has been jumping from one menial job to the other. When I first met him, he was in delivery business, then, now he's a taxi driver. I mean with all this, he never asks me for money and he pays for our food on most dates. He really is s great guy. I myself I am an engineer and have a stable income and I'm very ambitious. He wants to marry me but I'm worried about our future. It'll be very hard to support kids based on his income, especially if I'm on maternity leave or something, I have really tried to convince him but he doesn't want to do something about it. I am worried that this is a deal-breaker for me but we love each other so much, what do you think I should do

Hi! 💗 I absolutely am in no position to tell you what to do. This is your relationship. And matters of the heart are always so tricky. It seems like you’re unfulfilled with the relationship, and he isn’t what you want- but you love him. Ask yourself, is this fair for you or him? Can you create the life you want with him? Are you scared to leave him because he is a great guy and you’re scared you’d be making a mistake or not find another great guy? The truth is you shouldn’t have to settle. Love is not enough. Is it then fair for him that you know he’s not exactly what you want? Heck, are you who YOU want to be? Or are you holding yourself back because of him? People grow and want different things. It’s normal. It happens. It especially happens when people start dating before they have established lives. Men do it ALL the time.

I’ve dated guys who cared about me way more than I cared about them; and it was so hard to break up with them. So from that POV, I can relate. Other people will tell you to talk to him and see if he changes, or to push him (to be who you want him to be). I am not going to do that. Primarily because I disagree. You shouldn’t try to change someone or give them ultimatums. Especially when they already showed you who they are. It’s just not fair for either person.

I’ll be honest, and this is advice I would give myself in this position. It’s not a direct response to your question, but it will help addressing the issue that you are dancing around. That way you guys can just deal with this head on, instead of investing into a relationship not knowing which way it’s going to go.

If it were me, in this situation, I would buy a book like:

101 questions to ask before you get engaged

The hard questions

And go through it together. There are other books as well you can check out. But it’s definitely time to see if you guys are in a relationship with a future or if the relationship has served it’s purpose. Relationships take work. But they don’t take force. And you shouldn’t have to work hard to make the relationship work.

Good luck 💗

[justatalkingface]

can I ask you what you think of ochako as a character in bnha? I know that in theory she was 'developed to match toga', with all the things toga has going on with her character and where she is in the plot. But when I think about ochako a little deeper I don't really get her 'goal development' exactly, because don't they kind of conflict with each other rather than evolve together?

Because first ochako wanted to make lots of money for her family, then later it became 'who saves/protects the heroes?' But if she runs with that goal and continues to rock the proverbial boat in hero society, that probably won't lead to her making a lot of money right?

And her third emerging goal likely being something about saving/helping the villains in some way, which is definitely better/more interesting for the overall plot, but even more conflicting with her previous goals.

Which would be cool if it was really focused on in her head about how that all might work out or not but we never really get that with ochako. Can I ask you what you think about all this?

As a series, MHA has reached a point where every character can easily be labeled with 'wasted potential', but Ochako is a special case because she's a main character that was sidelined.

I always knew that, to some extent, 1A as a whole would be sidelined over time (though I couldn't have predicted how fast it would happen), but Ochako was part of the main trio, she was one of the more important characters in the early narrative. Even more, compared to Sakura, for example, or Orihime, she wasn't just the girl teammate, or someone's love interest. She had her own goals and ambitions. Most importantly of all though, and what made her so interesting to me, is that she decided to put aside her own feelings.

Manga is... let's be honest here, manga is broadly sexist. Shonens like this are worse. When a woman in shonen is in love? It defines her character, drives it. Their entire character arcs for the entire time they're in love, if not beyond it, hinge on that basic fact.

Sakura, Hinata, and Orihime are all broadly driven by their love for their men at first, and even when they grow past that being their sole motivation to fight, it still remains a fundamental core of their drives. Sakura's big growth early on, for example, is that she wants to marry Sasuke and become a proper ninja, when before her primary purpose in living seemed to be to unironically to have his babies. It was a good step, but it was kind of an insulting step, is the thing, and she never gets beyond her love of Sasuke even when both of them are trying to kill each other after he abandons her for years.

Ochako, though? She has goals first, then gets a crush, and then weighs being in love with her own ambitions and chooses her ambitions over love.

I shit over almost everything Hori does with anyone that isn't a man, because it's pretty much always shit, and the more I think about it the more I almost want to applaud him, just for this, because this? This isn't just a main heroine uninterested in love. This is one who explicitly rejects it for her own agenda, and as pathetic as it is to phrase it this way, that's a huge improvement for a shonen manga.

I mean, I've seen people say that she didn't need to do that, that she could both train to be a hero and chase her love interest, and when you think about it UA students do seem to have enough free time for her to pursue it, but you know what? Who cares?

Maybe there's actually not that much free time, maybe she just doesn't realize how much time she has, maybe she's exactly right! Does it matter? She decided she's not ready for a relationship at this portion of her life and she'd rather do something else with her time; good for her! Chase your dreams! Do what you want when you want!

And for a time, Hori seemed content to treat her as an actual important character, who develops as a combatant (which, as much as I like to say 'power ups aren't character development', I'm not blind to basic facts that mangas like this orbit around a lot of fighting, and you need to be able to fight to stay relevant to the story line) as well as develop as a person.

Actually, let me stop here and pivot a bit to better handle part of your question: her development.

Early on, Ochika training to be a hero was a basiclly a poor kid going to be a sports star to support their family; it wasn't about the job itself, per say, so much as that the job would pay well, and they could get in without getting crippling debt in the process. She had the talent, so she wanted to use it to support her family because she loved them. This was a lot more modest than, say, Lemillion's goals, but it was still noble, and she'd still do a lot of good while supporting her family. At the same time, though, she also just wanted to help people just to see them smile and what not, and so becoming a hero was really a multifaceted goal for her.

The problem with the later development, though, is the same thing that happened to everything about her post her learning Gunhead Martial Arts or so (let me take a brief aside to kind of laugh at that, because 'Gunhead' Martial Arts, rather than just martial arts or whatever just seems really ridiculously to me, but whatever): she was replaced, then her development was largely just given to her by the author happened off screen so we couldn't really connect with how it happened.

That replacement was bad for a bunch of reasons, really: because Bakugou was being promoted from classroom bully to rival character, he needed more focus with his 'rival' so he replaced Shoto. Shoto, who had all the build up of the rival character at first, needed to be in the story since he was so important to later plotlines, but didn't have a place anymore, so he needed to be put somewhere else still in the audience's eyes. The eventual fallout of all this, plus Endeavor's heavy character salvaging attemptings by Hori, is Izuku's core friend group of Ochiko, Iida, and himself was replaced by New Trio of Shoto, Bakugou, and Izuku.

Or, if I'm being even more honest, The Duo of Shoto and Izuku and then Bakugou is there too for some reason.

Something I want to point out here, while we're on talking about it; then new trio isn't a friend group, like the original one was, they're more... work associates. Shoto and Izuku are friends, by this point (and for some reason Shoto is hanging out with a person channeling the traits of his father he despises the most (cough cough, to try and salvage Bakugou)), but we don't see the three of them, like, hang out: they're together at first because they were all interning with Endeavour (for some god forsaken reason (cough cough, to salvage Endeavour)), then after that because they were heavy hitters and honestly just them being put there by the author. There's every indication that the original three are still friends, we just... don't see it, anymore.

But I'm off topic: point is, with the focus shifting from school life to 'let's save the world as first years!', the friendships took the backseat, and Ochika was just... ignored by Hori.

Eventually, she started being put back into the story, since she was still somewhat important, but by this point we had reached The War Arc (and shit, I don't think there's a post where I haven't dunked on that, is there?), and, well.

Everything Changed When The War Arc Attacked.

Everybody's characterization went to shit after that, not just her, and it's not surprising her story went down the cracks.

So, part of her changes, and part of the reason they're confusing with her original goal, is that at least part of them is mixed with her largely dropped but still weirdly there romance plot. Izuku is the origin of her thinking, 'who saves the heroes', because, well, Izuku needs saving from his own idiot self all the time later on, and he's heroic.

I'll point out that this isn't, fundamentally, a conflict with her original goal of supporting her family: she wants heroes to be treated better, she doesn't want heroes to stop being monetized (because that's too far against the status quo for any hero to support!). Even if that impacted her career (which, logically, makes sense as a possible concern and probably part of why you were confused, yet I don't think she thought about once) she's not Mt Lady; she's not going to be paying thousands in damages everytime she does anything. A rescue hero like her is always, unfortunately, going to find someone who needs to be saved by having heavy things lifted off them. Maybe she'd never be rich if this backfired on her, but she'd certainly be well enough to support her parents, at least, since we've never seen a poor hero (sighs, gestures vaguely in a, 'gee, wouldn't that have been nice to see to help develop the profession in literally any way!' sort of fashion).

The second point of 'development'... now that is honestly shit. I've mentioned before how, after a certain point, MHA's plot started turning more and more from the complex and fascinating topics that they presented to us (and got so many of us engrossed in the first place), to a more cliche format that I fondly call a 'Full Shonen'. Part of a Full Shonen plot is, unless an important villain is truly, absolutely evil (so, basiclly AFO) they aren't beyond redemption, no matter how little sense that makes. If they're not beyond redemption, The Good Guys(TM), are therefore obligated to at least try and save them from themselves. Another typical Full Shonen plotline is, if there's a female bad guy, the female good guy will have to be the one to fight them.

Following that logic, Himko, the crazed female serial killer, is not beyond salvation, and so it fall to Ochako, the female hero, to save her, no matter how little sense that makes on a character or narrative level, because, you know, cat fight or something.

*sighs for forever*

Problem being everything post-War is so quarter-assed that this entire new plot line is built off, and really isn't held together by, the fact they both love Izuku. Or rather, Himiko is vaguely in love with Ochiko because she's cute (or 'cute', by whatever arcane and ill-defined criteria she uses to target people) and feels a bond with her because she also loves Izuku, and Ochiko is just... there, basiclly, and fights her because, you know, she's a villain. The connection is beyond forced, and yet we all know that somehow she'll be essential to 'saving' Toga.

While we're talking about these two, I'm going to point out that people saying Ochaka in the latest chapters wanting to talk about love are dramatically missing the point. She didn't want to go girl talk with Toga about their mutual crush, no matter how hilarious a meme summary that was. Toga was leaving via warp portal, while turning into Twice, and Ochkaka wanted to stop her because, you know, Twice-Toga is going to make their temporary existence everyone else's problem. She couldn't physically stop her from where she was, so turned to the one thing that has always distracted Toga in the past: talking about love. Even a mere thirty seconds of Toga gushing about Izuku, after all, is thirty seconds less of a one man army fucking up the heroes plans, not even mentioning duplicating AFO or SFO or some other nightmare scenario; anything she could do to run the clock on Twice's blood at all is priceless for the heroes.

And before anyone says it, that's not some brilliant insight on Ochako's part, it's not some sign of their 'deep connection'; anyone who spends two minutes around Toga would know that much. Anyways, because of Toga's... random ass character development just before all this happened, she's finally able to control her impulses like a normal person, and leaves instead. Ochaka's comment at the end, 'she didn't want to talk about love', isn't sad that she didn't get to talk about some threesome or whatever bullshit, it's surprise, because that's not how Toga works.

So, yeah, Ochaka's great start early on fell apart after she lost the spotlight, and it's a shame. The evolution to 'saving heroes' could have easily been handled better just by, you know, focusing on her at all, and we could have seen rising concerns about how heroes are treated in their cutthroat line of work (obligatory screaming at failed heroic society development) over time, and grow more organically in her mind and motivation. Saving Toga... Toga is so unreasonable as a character that, barring a drastic redesign of her characterization, or more reasonably, something for Ochika to connect with her and make her care beyond being a female who, gasp, likes Izuku too!!!!!!, that... that was never going to work well. It, and she, are too much of a mess, and Ochaka is too good of a person.

[enchantechante]

What do you do when you find out the guy you were with was only using you for money and sex(we only had sex once,I was a virgin)? Like it's crazy to even put me through that.We discussed our life together every single day and made plans.We were working on different goals together specifically investing,buying houses to rent out etc.Three years wasted to find out he's full of shit.

He ghosted me out of no where and claimed I was who he wanted to spend his life with.We spent a day together and everything was good.Next day I was at work when he called but I missed his call so I called back.He told he got a lot going on and he was going to call me back etc.I never heard from him again but he's on IG talking about how he started his own business ,business going well,he had nobody to help him etc and I'm like wtf are you talking about? I was there when he was broke as a joke and getting on his feet. I'm happy for him but I don't really care. Why chase me down to be with me for over a year just to play with me and disappear?

*whew* Good morning, Anon ⛅️

What would I do? Abandon him like he abandoned me.

What kinda person can be that close to you and then treat you like a stranger? What would it benefit me to "follow" someone like that?

imo this is entirely too soon to be inking investment contracts together so ive never been in this situation. even when i was in a position to do this romantically and financially - going into business and trusting even a loved one to move how you move w your money should be done in small steps if at all.

esp if all yall did was "talk". bc "working on our goals" sounds too broad here. What does that look like irl?

And Im curious: Was this your plan? To loose your virginity, know him for a few years, finally date a year, then sign up for joint investments?

If not, you have to ask yourself why you went along with it? It may be that you let your emotions and ambitions influence you to over-invest in something you had no real-life evidence would be a sure thing.

For ex: just bc when *you* met him he began becoming financially stable (and likely talks a great game) it doesn't translate to he'll be a committed/transparent business partner or even give credit where credit is due when others wouldnt know the difference.

There may have been more things you turned a blind eye to on the off chance things coulda worked out.

If so, recognize that even if it wasnt a successful plan in a way - your experiences prepared you to be a more confident future-you. Even though you may feel (and could have actually been, its hard to know) used for years - you stayed. Which means you were receiving something. Even if it wasnt a fair trade - subconsciously you green-lighted it by staying. So even if its a hard lesson to take - it is yours and it can hold great value for your future success.

I would block him on my socials.

Get out a sheet of paper and write down: what attracted you to him, when and where yall met, and what lessons you learned. It dossnt matter how long it takes. let your emotions settle and confess soberly. take ur time to make it thorough and accurate.

find a fire safe area

and burn it.

and as it burns away, so with it does your obligation to be the woman you had to be to sustain it/him.

walk free. be entangled no more.

with him specifically. or with any situation that would have you repeat those lessons.

[galene-gothic]

A.M.R

how would you describe my future spouse?

⅄ ◌ 🐏 ˖ Your future spouse ♡

Cards: the seven of pentacles – the nine of cups (reversed) – the queen of wands.

Your future spouse is definitely very hardworking, they never really give up and know how to persevere. They have a vision for the future and pay attention to details. They're definitely someone worth investing in. They might have gone through a phase where they really hated themself and they might come off arrogant at first, I'm pretty sure it's because they're shy. They might feel like their hardwork doesn't pay off the way they'd like it to :(. The both of you might be a very romantic couple, I'm also getting really deep attachment. They might be perceived as someone self centred and selfish, I'm not getting them being like that though infact I think they're really selfless, they just end up acting like they cannot get hurt to protect their pride. I'm not getting them trying to be a macho alpha man or anything but it's more like they don't like receiving pity, they feel like people are making fun of them. They might have a really bad love life, I'm getting they might have venus opposite or contraparallel pluto, they end up going after unavailable partners so that they don't really have to commit completely and can have a certain level of independence and freedom. "I had all my motives, I didn't know they wouldn't mix with your emotions, I just had to reach my goal, never knew I needed you though." Damn, this person seems to be a high achiever in general but especially when it comes to something that they really love. They care a lot about how other people perceive them. They're also kind of never really satisfied 😭. It's funny because people think that they're a high achiever and lazy at the same time. They seem to fear your person's ambition and might feel inferior to them but at the same time think that they don't work hard? I'm getting your person really moving in silence. They care a lot about the superficial things in life like the way others perceive them, how good their partner looks, how much money they have, how rich people think they are and stuff. They might be someone who hustles to get what they want and when they get it, they realize that it's not fulfilling ☠️ I kinda feel bad for them, ngl. People might often abuse their generosity, however, they unconsciously do the same 😭. They try to be as fair as possible though. Yk, people tend to poke them and try to provoke them until they lose their calm and when they eventually burst, people act as if they're the bad person. They seem to be really self aware though. I'm getting them being fine with being a villain in someone else's story as long as they think that they did the right thing. They're actually very helpful and kind too. They're confident and try to be as independent as they can. They will likely be in a stable place when you meet them. They might have had a dominating mother figure, might have been a grandmother though. They are pretty strategic, they treat everyone well but they especially try to flatter people who are a form of guaranteed helpfulness in any way. They try to be a good friend and have good social skills. They love money, power and status. They also desire control. They are confident and are there like "I know who I am, why does how others view me matter so much?" That's how they feel about others hating on them for useless matters, like things they've never done, people talking shit about them and stuff, however, they want to be seen as powerful, good-looking and respectable even by people who hate them.

⅄ ◌ 🐏 ˖ Your aura/personality ♡

Cards: the six of cups (reversed) – the knight of pentacles (reversed) – the knight of swords (reversed).

You might be someone naive regardless of whether or not you see yourself in that light. You also have unrealistic expectations especially when it comes to people. You might have not had a solid emotional support while growing up, I'm getting you being really dreamy as a kid? You might have imagined being born in a different family, etc. I'm getting you really longing to fit in, right from a very young age :(. I'm getting you also feeling really homesick. You might have let others take advantage of you atleast up to the age of fifteen, very specific but lol. You have a personality where it's easy for people or events from the past to stir up your emotions. You might have gotten betrayed by someone in the past. You might be slow when it comes to taking actions and might be physically as well. You go to extremes, all work, no play or all play, no work. You might be actively trying to change it though. You might be impatient and might struggle with finishing what you started? You might sometimes end up acting kind of mindless. You might feel restricted by routine but at the same time kind of want it? It's like you want to feel organized and stuff but want to live really freely at the same time. You also seem to be a perfectionist. You might come off kind of arrogant too. I feel like you are a good manipulator. You might be seen as someone who can really hurt people with your words. People don't know what to expect from you. You come off very passionate and reckless. Also your energy seems to be all over the place, I think it's because you're focused on multiple things. You might be good at arguing, I'm not sure if you know it though. People think that you're constantly on the go and don't mind stepping on others to get what you want, however, you don't seem to hold personal grudges against anyone which really intrigues people.

Thank you for participating <3

[sapphyreopal5]

Money doesn't make the world a better place, it just makes it go 'round

I'm not sure if anyone is going to read this post let alone comment on it. This mindset of being here on a "mission" such as "making the world a better place" or "raising the vibratory rate of this world by being good" kind of nonsense people have has bothered me for a long time for many reasons. Many, many souls have come and gone from living on Earth's surface with hopes and dreams of "making the world a better place". This has come in forms of many "selfless" ambitions, such as creating free electricity for all (Nikola Tesla), curing cancer, reducing world hunger, increasing worldwide literacy rates, saving animals from abusive or neglectful homes, etc. To be clear, I appreciate it when people make it a point to contribute to society hands on one way or another to try making life a little better for others.

What I have a big problem with is when people make claims like just being a nice person or "being themselves" is somehow making a difference in the world. People also think simply donating money to various charities, and even voting for the "right politicians" is somehow going to make the world a better place. In other words, many people claim to be altruistic while sitting in the comfort of their homes but not actively doing a thing hands on to make the world a better place for even 1 person. This whole money solves everything mindset is exactly why the logic of "your vote matters" and "if you don't vote, you have no right to speak up" when it comes to noticing what's wrong with this god forsaken world is just downright wrong. At the root of it all with the whole to vote or not to vote issue, the question is "what politicians should I vote for, based on where they want to throw taxpayers' dollars?" Is this politician promising to help create more laws addressing these issues, or promising to send more money towards organizations environmental causes, more towards education, medical advancements?

Here's the thing: all world governments can throw all the money towards every charity that claims to help increase literacy rates, clean up after world disasters in third world countries, feed homeless people, contribute to the fight against cancer or whatever other disease, you name a problem there's a charity that claims to have a team of people that strives to eliminate it or reduce its impact. The inconvenient truth is money doesn't solve everything, and you sure as hell can't make people care about others besides themselves unless they have something to gain from it. I'm going to elaborate on this inconvenient truth about mankind in the next part of this rant.

I've volunteered for several organizations with some very different causes (Humane Society, Crisis Text Line, a local hospital and others to name a few). At every single organization I've ever volunteered at, I've seen the vast majority of the volunteers who were there for reasons that were moreso to benefit themselves one way or another not to help others. Some reasons include things like filling in their resumes with volunteer work, adding to their portfolio so when they apply to medical school (or some other advanced kind of schooling) they're more likely to get accepted, "because it feels good", they have to fulfill X number of community service hours for their "get or stay out of jail" cards, they have to do X number of volunteer hours at a given organization to fulfill college class credit requirements, donating money or other items creates more tax write-offs (probably my favorite one *sarcasm*), etc. The vast majority of the volunteers I've come across at different organizations also at the same time did the bare minimum.

The problem with the world isn't that charities and other organizations are lacking money or resources. The root of the problem is that you can't make people care and put in real effort to making the world a better place unless they have something to gain from it. You can't make people care enough to put in great efforts to help others. Telling people to go out and vote, donate to charities, keep others in your prayers, or some other hands off way of "helping" those who say they're helping others isn't making the world a better place.

No, it doesn't feel great cleaning up dog crap and pee in kennels to increase their "curb appeal" and likelihood of being adopted. Searching for files and doing other errands for hospital departments isn't exactly most people's cup of tea but it sure helps make everyone else's jobs easier to "make a difference" in sick people's lives. Don't get me started on listening to some people feel like their world ended because some jerk dumped them and feel life isn't worth living any longer because of it. But hey, making people feel heard and less alone does make the world slightly less blind no? And man, the times I've tried helping former friends who were in special education classes learn how to do things like reading an analog clock or tutoring them in basic math because their teachers never bothered and let them slip through the cracks, only for them to turn around and steal from me or somehow betray me despite everything I've done to try helping them. Yeah so doing the real work in trying to make the world a better place doesn't feel the greatest and isn't exactly fun for the vast majority of people but someone's gotta do the dirty work even if they don't necessarily gain a damned thing from it, right?

Bottom line (tl;dr): Mankind is too evil, selfish, lazy, and cowardly to step outside of their own selves long enough to actively try making the world a better place to actually make a significant impact. Throwing money at charities, sending good vibes and thoughts to those who are going through rough times, praying for the world's problems to go away, and doing this thing called life half-assed generally speaking isn't going to make the world a better place. The select few who hands on and full-heartedly put in every effort to try making the world a better place simply is not going to be enough, and never will be.

So the people in the back can hear: Money doesn't make the world a better place, it just makes the world go 'round.

[youcouldtouchfire]

i have complicated feelings over this show. mostly i dont want to be in it. it makes me feel worthless and disconnected from my friends. i can't say i have come home from a rehearsal not crying in my car. i don't like being a part of it and however maybe irrational it is, i feel like no one wants me here either. i keep waiting to feel better about going but i don't. i don't know why it's like this. the way i feel is an insane overreaction to everything. i know it's illogical and so inconvenient to feel like this and still i do. i was hoping id miss the first read because i knew id hate seeing my friends so excited and id feel bad that i couldn't relate. i was out with friends when the cast list came out and Isabelle called her mom and i sat in a bathroom because i didn't want anyone to see me cry over something as unimportant as this. i know i can't quit because i couldn't explain it to my friends or family. my parents would be pissed if they thought i gave up because i wasn't good enough which i know is really just the core of the issue. it's hard to finally reach the point where you have to acknowledge all that you aren't, especially when that's all You've wanted for years. i have ambitions and talents for after high school but if im honest with myself i know that if i was a skilled singer id be going into theater, and that's what i really always wanted. i would do this professionally if i was good enough but im not and it sucks that im not good enough to even be a lead at my high school, let alone a real community theater around here. it's not anyone's fault but i feel like this is the final nail in the coffin for a dream i didn't realize i hadn't given up on until this. i don't have the time or the money to get really good at it in time before im done in highschool. it sucks that this is my favorite thing in the world and i work so hard and i feel like it amounts to nothing and no one cares. i sort of feel like im not good enough and that all of the hard work and time i put in doesn't matter because im bad at it all. i feel like it doesn't matter that i took on five leads in the play or scheduled extra rehearsal time for speech or did all state and all state camps or volunteer for everything i possibly can or do as many speech groups as possible, i feel like it'll never matter and ill never be able to be in even the same sentence as "lead role". it's hard to deal with a loss that big when i know it's not because im unreliable or not dedicated to this program. ive been told that i am important to this and im reliable and i "lead by example" so when im aware that i know that's not the issue, it's hard to not feel like it's a skill thing. i just wish someone would tell me to stop hoping though.

i know im not supposed to compare myself to Isabelle and aj but it's not fair that i get treated differently than them. i can remember multiple times when isabelle is given compliments while im standing right next to her and no one ever says anything to me. last year at variety show vasey told Isabelle her solo act was incredible but she didn't say anything to me, who had a solo act that same night. i was standing shoulder to shoulder with her.

i don't know why people treat us differently. i wish they didn't. i feel worthless in comparison to her because regardless of the intentions people pay her compliments they don't pay to me, and they like her more than they like me. i remember this stuff and i just wish i didn't.

i keep waiting for some reason to stay. i don't know why I won't quit when it makes me as upset as it does.

[mercuryysworld]

I was just thinking about how I detach from things faster than my peers. I stop myself from getting into long-term relationships simply because I feel as if life is short and that I need to live my life and meet other people because how life is futile. this was in no way the way life was intended to be like, we surprisingly need long-term connections as humans to function normally. who knew, that the one thing I run through is the thing that I need the most. I run through people quick, I think my issue is that I don't take things too seriously and that is why God keeps sending ambitious friends to maybe counteract my lack of ambition. I don't take many things seriously which is my downfall. I barely put any effort into my outfits, lifestyle goals, goals, grades, friends, money, mental, physical, and spiritual being. I don't have a niche hobby that I put my money and effort into. I sit here and kinda wither away all because I have floating rock syndrome. Why did we ever think that telling ourselves that "nothing matters, we are all bound to die soon" is the key to making us happy again? This is simply false, I bet ambitious people are living a happier life than us. They probably aren't, but they have an end goal that they want to reach, for us it is just another day that is passing by. I mentioned detachment earlier, I have detached from everything in the world because there is an end to everything. I taught myself at a young age how to not get too attached to anything because it will eventually go away. Did this come from parental trauma, witnessing my friend's situations, or just my own delusions? There is no logical reason as to why I conditioned myself to not be too attached, but honestly, it sucks. You master detachment but at what cost? I feel as if I wasted my years because a good chunk of my years I was just coasting on by, I had no real goals or ambitions. I had some basic cliche ones, I told myself I'd cut my hair & did, I wanted to have a certain shirt, I wanted to have sex, I wanted to get a tattoo, I wanted a piercing... but they are all material goals. I attached myself to worldly things as my end goal but at what cost. I still never took it seriously, it was just an afterthought. I know I want to work and live in New York City, but I have been debating on what career I want to get into. I never really had a specific job in mind, I really don't even have a dream college. I have a dream house, but at times it can also be finicky. I have never had a true goal, nothing that really motivates me in the morning. I find myself to try and conform to what motivates others, some people find their motivation in being the first college grad, first millionaire, first business owner, or even the first person to climb Everest. The thing is, I tried being the girl who put her academics first, but I don't like school fr. Maybe I just don't like being taught things I have no interest in by people. I tried being the girl who wants to be in a male-dominated industry, I am not meant for grunt work. I am meant to be writing my heart away on what I care about. If nobody cares then so be it, but I deserve to write about what I want to write about and wear comfortable but cute clothes. I wonder if my goals are from a person who settles for mediocrity. Am I settling for a mediocre life simply because I don't want to get too attached to something? I am fine with job-hoping (changing) because it allows me to meet new people and gain new experiences. That can also be translation for I am non-committal. Man, why do I not want better for myself? I really need to do better. My goals should not be on meeting a certain person, fucking a certain guy, getting a certain shirt, or even just getting a bite to eat. I must divert my goals onto something that is not going to bring me temporary satisfaction. I really sit here and focus on who I am going to hunch next when that doesn't even matter to me. I have to actually set some goals and focus IN, not out, INSIDE.

[boxofbadaddiction]

Those Three Little Words

Fred Weasley x Reader

This story is inspired from a request of my F.R.I.E.N.D.S Themed Prompt List.

Prompts: 10 & 11

"Until I was 25, I thought the only response to 'I love you' was 'Oh, crap!'"/"Ah, Humour based on my pain. Aha-ha-ha."

Warnings: Swearing (per usual). Anxiety. Toxic Family. Emotional Trauma(?). Angsty. Post-War.

The War had been a sick wakeup call for Fred. He'd lived his life carefree and reckless, as he figured each day were a given. Mess up today it didn't matter because there was always tomorrow. He would strut through life as if he were invincible because, well, he always seemed that way. But death has a funny way of reshuffling ones priorities. A way of shedding light on what truly matters in your life.

Fred never considered himself as someone who lacked ambition. Frankly George and he never seemed to let anything hold them back. However, these days Fred could very well give Slytherins a run for their money - something George frequently teased him about. If there were something he wanted Merlin himself couldn't get in his way.

Not only in the case of work but his personal life as well. In love. And there was only one woman on Earth he loved. [Y/N].

He knew he loved her before the war. Before Umbridge drove him from Hogwarts in their final year. Before she left him.

It was only shortly prior, the boys epic departure, that [Y/N] had made the decision to call it quits. She knew their lives were destined to pull them in opposite directions and she never put much stock in long distance relationships. So, with a final kiss and a wish good luck, she walked out of his life. Albeit not completely.

After graduation she kept loosely in touch with the Twins, they had been friends after all, even visiting their shop on the off occasion when she could swing it. Although she was often far too busy to stay for long. Eventually she was relocated overseas for work, this officially terminating any of the limited contact had between the three.

The next time they would be in each others presence was the ill-fated battle.

[Y/N] had been keeping tabs on the events leading up to the fight. Even engaging in missions on behalf of the Order when necessary. She had proved quite a valuable asset. In the days before all Hell broke loose [Y/N] returned to Britian on 'urgent family matters' and of course she fought.

When Fred saw her again after so many years the rush of feelings that coursed through his body were nearly enough to knock him off balance. She was still so gorgeous. The [E/C] of her eyes reminding him just how deeply he loved her. Just how much he needed her. And he knew. Just knew she felt the same.

He saw it in the little things she did for him. Saw it in the tears of her eyes. In the way she broke down in his Hospital room when he finally woke, a fortnight, after his accident. Heard it in the tremble of her voice. In her 'I thought I lost you's. In the way she clung to him. He was so relieved she was okay and so happy to finally have her back in his life. Until suddenly...she wasn't anymore.

Recovery was Freds life now, but that wasn't hers. She was still needed elsewhere and as much as he wished she would stay he knew she couldn't. She still had a life left living. It were a miracle she managed to stay as long as she had. So...she left. And he wouldn't see her again for years. Six. To be exact.

Recovery had taken years from Fred. It was two and a half years before he could consider himself independent. After all that time wasted he wasn't about to let anything stand in his way. So when news carried to his ears that [Y/N] was back living in London, permanently, that after six years he could see her again, there was nothing holding him back.

In a second he'd apparated to her doorstep. Knocking on the withered wood door. Listening to the faint patter of approaching footsteps. Hearing the gentle click of the locks tumblers as they turned. Watching the steady swing of the door as it opened. Feeling the prick of burning tears behind his eyes as he stared back into her questioning gaze. Pulling her body into his as their lips collided. Relishing in the warmth that spread through his blood as she kissed back. Clung back. Loved him back. Everything he poured into her she gave right back. He swore right in that moment that he'd never let her go again. They'd wasted so much time already.

Over a year later the two could not have been deeper in love. She'd moved into the boys flat mere months after he appeared at her door. It's what Fred wanted, and Fred always gets what he wants.

Fred and Georges business had picked up quite quickly after the war. Fred insisted George begin work on the restorations while he recovered. Saying he wanted everything back in full swing by the time he was upright, to pick right back where he left off. George was sure he simply didn't fancy cleaning it himself and saw recovery as a pretty convenient excuse. Fred didn't deny his brothers claim.

They'd managed to open a second store in Hogsmead and were currently renovating the original store. Expanding the flat and lower levels. This saw the three residents temporarily relocating to the Burrow for a few days as the work was completed. Molly had insisted, saying the house were 'far too quiet' for her liking. Which was hard to believe as Ron and Hermione and Ginny and Harry all currently lived there. Of course Bill and Fleur, as well as Percy had all moved out ages ago, and Charlie was back living in Romania. Still, it beats paying accommodation elsewhere. And they couldn't deny that spending time back in their childhood home was enjoyable. It felt warm and safe and familiar, like the war had never happened and they were all just spending time together as a family.

As dinner approached on their third day home [Y/N] and Harry could be found helping prepare tonights meal, under the careful instruction of Mrs Weasley, while the rest sat comfortably within the sitting room fondly reminiscing their times spent together just like they were now.

The group were laughing haughtily at a certain memory George had recalled in which [Y/N] turned Rons entire bedroom hot pink with the Twins 'Everlasting Dye', after he thought it'd be funny to turn her hair a similar shade. Much like [Y/N]'s hair the dye hadn't faded for well over a fortnight as the Twins found the whole thing all too funny and refused them the instant remover.

"God, I love her." Fred smiled brightly at the memory, "I'm going to marry that woman." He stated matter-of-factly.

"Sure she likes you that much?" Ginny quipped.

"Certain, dear Sister." Ginny simply nodded a look of uncertainty on her face. "What's that look for?" "Nothing." "Ginny." "well it's just...she doesn't really say it much does she?" "'Course she does. What are you on about?" "I just don't think I've ever actually heard her say she loves you before." "It's not like you're 'round us 24/7 now is it?" Fred scoffed, shaking off his sisters comment.

George meanwhile was staring towards the ceiling, brows furrowed as he contemplated Ginnys words deeply before letting out a low "hmmp" as realisation struck.

"Oh, what now?" Fred rolled his attention toward his Twin. "Nothing it's just I can't think of a time I've heard her say it either." Ginny had a look of 'I told you so' blatantly obvious on her face while Ron and Hermione thought hard on the topic as well. Freds gaze shifted quickly between his gathered family.

"Oh, so what if you've never heard it. Point is I have. And I know she loves me so it doesn't matter. But if you all must! Here," he leant back in his chair calling into the kitchen "Hey, [Y/N/N]!" "Yeah, Freddie?" She walked toward him with a loving smile. "I love you" [Y/N]'s smile faded instantly as she raised a suspicious brow, "What'd you do?" "What!?" Fred asked shocked as the eavesdroppers giggled. "No. Nothing, really! I just wanted to tell you I love you." "Oh...well I know that" she smiled, kissing him softly. Fred gave her an expectant look as she stood back. "...what?" "you love me too, yeah?" "Of course I do." There was a determination behind her words. Almost as if she were insulted by his question, to which the answer were painstakingly obvious. She soothingly ran a hand through his hair, "I've got to get back in there and help your Mother before Harry burns everything." She joked, placing a final quick kiss to his lips. He watched her leave a giddy smile on his face before turning back to his nosey family.

"See. Told you." He laid back in his seat confidently. The group all shared tight lipped, awkward, smiles. "Oh, what?!" "It's just she didn't really say it, did she?" George spoke. "Yeah she did. I asked her and she said 'yes'. End of conversation." "But she didn't actually say the words; 'I love you'." Ginnys voice intervened. "She doesn't have to." "Shouldn't it be sort of automatic?" "Like you and Harry say it every time." He rolled his eyes. "Pretty much" Ginny nodded, earning an unconvinced scoff from her brother. "Here, watch."

Ginny mirrored Freds earlier movements, calling to the kitchen, "Hey, Harry!" "Yeah, Gin?" Harry came to his fiancès call. She smiled up at him sweetly, "I love you". Harry looked around the group a little uncomfortable and unsure but smiled nonetheless. "I love you too" he placed a quick kiss to her temple. "Right, that's all I wanted you can go now." Ginny turned back in her chair as Harry walked away very confused.

"Automatic." She gestured widely with her hands, a triumphant look on her face. "Oh piss off." Fred scowled. "Doesn't matter if she 'says the words' or not. I know she loves me. Doesn't bother me." "Good for you, Freddie." Ron spoke encouragingly. "So you're on my side?" "Absolutely!" "It wouldn't bother you if Hermione never-" "oh GOD no! She has to say the words. I need the reassurance." He looked up to his girlfriend, who in turn lovingly took his hand in hers.

"Alright. So it's a little strange. But I bet I can have her saying it before we leave." "In four days?" George questioned, sceptical. "Yep. I'll make her." "How romantic. With charm like that it's a wonder why she hasn't said it already." His Twin chuckled. "Why don't you just talk to her about it? Maybe there's a reason." Hermione piped. "Nah. My ways better." Fred shook his head, tapping his knees lightly as he thought.

And so began, what Fred would soon discover to be, the most difficult challenge he'd ever attempted.

It started out simply enough; with a few added 'I love you's here and there. Whether the moment called for it or not. Although after the war Fred had become notably more vocal in expressing his love towards family and friends, he kicked it up a notch in an attempt to coax those very words from the mouth of his partner. Quickly escalating to more grand and romantic gestures.

The first was a ridiculously large bouquet of vividly yellow roses. Moving onto a private picnic for two atop the Hill which rested behind the Burrow. At sunset he had dragged [Y/N] from the home to where he laid a blanket and candles, with soft music playing in the background, as well as having organised a platter of all their favourite foods. Ending the meal rather...intimately. During which he was sure to further praise her and whisper sweet, loving words in her ear. Telling her just how much he loved her.

His constant showering of affection had granted him plenty of appreciation in return. His words always being met with the usual "I do too"s and "Me too"s even a couple "Dittos" they always had, though he was yet to receive any "I love you"s. Which hadn't bothered him before, but now was proving to be mildly infuriating and very disheartening, really.

Failure wasn't something Fred was used to anymore. To think he was unable to get his long term partner to say those three little words was quickly making him uncomfortable.

By the fourth and final morning, since setting himself this little challenge, Fred was spent. He was sure he'd tried everything. Grand gestures. Romantic dates. Surprise kisses. Great sex. He had even seriously considered proposing, as a last resort. But these were not the circumstances in which he wanted to do so under, when he did he wanted it to be perfect. Maybe the Imperius - NO! no. Too drastic.

Why was nothing working? Suddenly Ginnys amusing quip wasn't so funny anymore and struck a vein far too close to home. Was it possible he was wrong and she simply didn't feel the same way?

All manner of sickeningly worrisome thoughts began to flood through his mind as he lay awake. He starred at the woman he loved so fiercely, so passionately, he could swear she were the only reason his heart kept bleeding.

He watched her as she slept peacefully, tucked tight against his chest, whilst he absent-mindedly stroked her hair, contemplating a reality which he much rather never come true. One in which she didn't love him.

He used to be so sure but now...now he was terrified. He'd never thought much on what form his Boggart would assume if he ever were to face one. He knew in this moment though that is exactly what shape it would take. Her.

She'd approach him slowly. An evil grin and amused brow raised upon her features. She'd tell him what a fool he was. How stupid he was to ever think a woman like her could love a boy like him. That she only stayed with him out of pity. How humiliated and desperate he seemed that day on her doorstep. How it would have been better if he had just given up, never fought to survive after the explosion. How much better it'd have been if he just died in War. She could have found real love, lived a happy life away from the embarrassing one she led with him in it.

Tears burned red in the whites of his eyes as his chest shuddered with every quickened and panicking breath he took. His heart thundering in his ears as the room began to spin. He was suffocating. Sweat streamed down his temples. He had to get out. Escape.

Sliding as quickly and carefully as he could from beneath the covers without disturbing the sleeping woman in his bed, he took for the shower. Praying the steam would unfog his mind. That the water would wash away his doubts and anxiety.

The whole time he tried to rationalise why [Y/N] wouldn't say the words. Reassuring himself that it didn't matter. Shouldn't matter. He left the bathroom long after the water had run cold feeling only moderately better than when he'd entered. At least now he had a modicum of control over his body. His emotions on the other hand...

He slowly descended the steps of his childhood home, face emotionless, to the sound of light chatter and clinking of various dishes. Everyone was already gathered around the table eating breakfast.

"Ah, there you are!" George announced as Fred entered the kitchen, "clean now are we? Thought you'd must have drowned in there." He joked. Fred offered a light chuckle and forced smile as he sat himself between his Twin and partner. "What's this the wake then?"

[Y/N] leant into his side, placing a kiss to his cheek as her hand traced circles on his lower back. "Morning, Hun" she murmured tenderly, chin resting against his shoulder as she peered up at him. He didn't look at her, simply humming in response. His hand briefly came to squeeze her thigh before quickly retracting. This did little to evoke a sense of ease within his significant other.

Over the eighteen months they'd shared together [Y/N] had long since become accustomed to his dramatic morning greetings. Usually, as they'd wake up together, it'd involve him peppering her face and neck in countless kisses before joining George for breakfast. On days when they'd wake to find themselves alone under the covers, the other having obviously awoke long ago, he'd surprise her. Lifting her off her feet and spinning her through the air then, placing her back down, kissing her deeply.

The only times she'd seen him like this were nights when his dreams had been plagued with flashbacks from the Battle. She assumed he'd slept peacefully. He hadn't had any nightmares in months and would usually, unintentionally, wake her during them. "You okay, Freddie?" "Yeah."

Totally convincing.

The rest of the day Fred was cold. To everyone but [Y/N] especially. He was having difficulty even looking at her. She'd tried talking with him but he insisted there was nothing the matter. Didn't keep her from worrying.

After dinner everyone moved into the lounge, engaging in various bits of conversation. Everyone aside from Fred. No one was sure when he'd disappeared but his absence was noted nonetheless. [Y/N] was the one to search for him. Found standing within the garden over looking the sunset.

She could see the discontent held in his body, the way he stood so rigid. The hollow expression on his features, completely devoid of any emotion. It hurt her seeing him this way.

"Hey, You." She spoke hesitantly. Fred turned at the sound of her voice. Watching her standing tentatively before him as if unsure whether or not her presence was welcome. "Hey, You" he smiled sadly back, his frame visibly relaxing at the sight of her. "We're all missing you in there. What are you doing out here all by your lonesome?" [Y/N] said softly as she approached him, arms snaking around his waist. His hands fell to her lower back and pulled her into his body ever more so. "Just needed a bit of quiet to think" "'Think', huh?" He hummed in response. "That's never good" she grinned making him laugh lightly. "No, it isn't." He placed a slow kiss to her lips.

Breaking it shortly after as he teased, "So, you missed me?" "Every second you're not by my side I do." He rested his forehead against hers, their eyes falling shut contently. Fred exhaled comfortably,"I love you" "I do too" [Y/N] replied. "What love you?" Fred straightened himself with a cheeky expression on his face which was mirrored on that of his partners. "Stop it." "I'm serious." "You know what I mean" "Do I?".

[Y/N] had another quip ready on the tip of her tongue until noticing that cheery look he held had vanished and they were no longer standing in one anothers embrace. Her face dropped at the sight if a completely serious Fred Weasley stood in front of her. Awaiting the answer to a question she didn't fully understand. "Whats gotten into you?" She took a step toward him, to which, he took one back. "Do you love me?" "Of course I do!" "Then why don't you say it?" "I don't know what you're -" "you never say it." "I just did." "No, you agreed to a question I asked." "It's the same thing." "It's not."

The two were practically talking on top of one another. "Just...say it." He took a step towards her, to which, she took one back. "If I say it now it'll be forced and it may as well not mean anything." "Why can't you just say it!?" He snapped, more asking himself the question than her. But he needed to ask. He wasn't yelling at her but a part of [Y/N] wished he would. "I know you love me. Or at least I thought I did. I just...I need to hear you say it because sometimes I can't help but wonder - please just. Say it." Staring into her eye's pleadingly, hers stared right back in apology. "Fred..." "Forget it." He turned from her. "Fred, baby" her hand reached for his shoulder as his own ran through his hair in frustration whilst his jaw clenched. "I can't. I can't be near you right now." He shook his head, storming off towards the Hill. Ignoring her frantic, begging calls.

[Y/N] stood rooted to the spot from shock. This was one of the first fights the pair had had, and she wasn't even sure what brought it on. There'd been minor squabbles between them out of stress from work or other things but never something like this. They had such an open relationship it never got to this point, any concerns either held was always voiced and discussed. Why was this time different?

As she watched his figure slowly disappear amongst the dark as night was soon to fall, she made her decision. This time wasn't going to be different. They were going to talk about it whether he cared to or not. Even if that meant her admitting somethings she'd very much hoped never have to. So, she set off after him.

Fred stood with his back against the trunk of an old tree which grew tall on top the Hill. One hand in his pocket as the other ran his fingers over the markings carved into it's wood by the Weasley family. One engraving in particular. A relatively fresh one where he had carved [Y/N]s name next to his own last Christmas to "officially" mark her as apart of the family.

He recalled the moment vividly. How she questioned his actions, wondering if he'll still love her the same 'down the road', not to regret this decision. "Nah, you're right. I won't love you the same. I'll love you more." He'd said. "But the real question is; will you love me, or are you just going to break my heart?" To be honest. He truly hadn't expected the latter.

He was drawn from his thoughts by the approaching sound of footsteps. Turning his head he rolled his eyes upon realising it was her. "Not now." He growled. "Yes now." She shot back at him standing firm in place.

She'd planned a whole monologue on the walk to him but now that she was here, eyes meeting his, she hadn't a damn clue what to say.

"Until I was 25, I thought the only response to 'I love you' was 'oh, crap!'" She blurted out. Fred looked at her quizzically as the words settled in the air. [Y/N]'s eyes shut for a moment, kicking herself. That wasn't how she intended for the conversation to go. "I'm-I can't say the words" she began again to which Fred scoffed. "Yeah. I gathered that much." "Fred, just shut the fuck up, and listen to me!" Her stare shot daggers into the boy and he found his attention unwavering from her words.

"I didn't have a normal upbringing. I didn't get what you have. I came from a family where love was a weapon. A tool for manipulation. Something that was withheld until you were useful. Something used to excuse shitty behaviour. I didn't get the warm Christmases and intimacy you got. Before you I wasn't sure I knew what love was. My whole life had been cold. Then when you showed up at my door that day it was like hot blood began pumping through my body for the first time. You felt like life when my whole existence has been death. That's when I knew I couldn't live without you. When I knew that I...I can't say it. The words. But not just to you, I can't say them to anyone. It feels unnatural like there's a rope tied around my throat and it suffocates me. And it kills me a little bit. To look into your eyes and know that I - that I still can't - may never ... fuck. I-" [Y/N]s hand came to cover her eyes as tears fell and heartbroken sobs escaped her body.

Fred reacted on instinct, by her side in a second, pulling her into his chest. A hand gripped her back as the other fisted into her hair. "I'm sorry" she cried as he soothed her.

Fred was fighting sobs of his own, feeling as her body shudder against his and she clung to him for support. Because if she didn't her knees would buckle and she'd fall.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. I-I had no idea this was...look at me." He held her shoulders taking half a step back to look at her. "I don't care if you never say the words." "But then why-" "I listened to the opinions of four prats who had no business sticking their noses in our relationship." [Y/N] chuckled sadly, wiping tears from her cheeks. "Before they said anything I honestly hadn't noticed because I knew, I know you love me. You don't have to tell me because you show me. It's in your kiss. In your eyes. Your laugh. Your nostrils as they flare when you yell at me after successfully pissing you off. Never be sorry. I shouldn't have gotten so worked up over nothing. Okay?" [Y/N] nodded in response, unable to form a sentence. Smiling sweetly his hand came to caress below her jaw."I love you." "Now you're just rubbing it in." Fred laughed, leaning down and pressing a kiss to her lips.

He's pulling away before [Y/N]s pulling him back by the collar of his shirt for a deep and passionate one. Soon breaking in dire need for air.

Her chest is heaving as she catches her breath. His eyes fall shut, pressing his head against hers gently. [Y/N]s eyes are searching his face. Why can't she just tell him? The words, those three stupid little words, are right there tearing at her throat. Wanting to be said. This is real. He is not her parents, not her toxic 'family'. He's Fred. Sweet, caring Fred. Her one and only. He's different.

She swallows hard, mouth going dry, as that familiar tightening takes hold. Trying desperately to rid herself of that strangling sensation that plagues her a trillion times a day. She's staring at him, panic coursing through her bloodstream. Her eyes clench shut as she tries to muster as much strength as she can. "I-" the words are right there. Her voice barely a whisper as she fights that rope. "I love you." [Y/N] gasps for air as a knot in the rope snaps. Eyes widening as her chest shudders before she's smiling. Fresh tears falling in relief and joy.

Fred's eyes spring open, gawking. Did she just...is he-did he imagine that? No. There's no way. "You...you-" "I love you." Her voice louder this time, more assured as a second knot snaps. He doesn't know how to react. Body and mind still processing.

Soon though he's grinning like a madman, spinning her in his arms, feeling happier than he thought possible. Placing her back on the ground both hands cup her face as his lips crash into hers.

They stay like that for a while, in one anothers arms. [Y/N]s kissing him tenderly as she pulls back to whisper the words once more, "I love you." He smiles cockily down at her before his expression shifts to one of mock surprise. "Oh, crap!" he laughs as [Y/N] rolls her eyes. "Ah, Humour based on my pain. Aha-ha-ha. You're such a bastard." She turns to walk off but he grabs her arm. Spinning her back against his chest as his other hand comes to the nape of her neck.

"Not so fast, Princess." He licks his lips smirking, voice low "say it again." She bites her lip suppressing a wide smile. "I love you." He places one final kiss before a wicked grin spreads over his face and he's quickly throwing her over his shoulder.

"Come on, love!" He starts running for the Burrow. "FRED!" [Y/N] squeals. "No time to waste! I told them I'd have to saying it before we leave." "You...oh my god, FRED! Did you place a bet on me!? You absolute GIT!"

"Love you too, sweetheart."

[fanfiction-funtime]

Self insert oc: Alexander Vodka

AKA: Eis Cay'zar

Author of fate

A writer from Schneznaya who was driven from his home for his anti-Tsaritsa paper.

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Physical description:

A chubby fellow in a 1950's style noir trenchcoat and hat, some would even say he looks like he jumped right out of a noir comic book and into reality. He has brown hair and green eyes, a cowboy mustache, and a pointed beard like some kind of comic book supervillain genius.

He often acts confidently and even a bit egotistical when in places he's recognized and famous in, however in newer places he often seems distant and shys away from almost all contact.

Noone knows where his vision is, but they know he has one because of the cold aura that surrounds him.

At night he'll often trade his outfit for one more reminiscent of demons or vampires.

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Abilities:

Weapon type: Catalyst

Basic attack-truth: uses his catalyst to shoot a short burst of up to 3 ice shards, can attack in fast succession.

"Truth hurts, especially in bursts"

Charged attack-Bifrost: Alexander quickly makes an ice clone behind the enemy and fires 6 shots, this can increase to 3 clones if charged enough(times: 1 for 1 second, 2 for 2 seconds, and 3 for 2.5 seconds)

"I hate crowds, best company has always been myself"

Elemental ability-ice wall: creates an aura of sheer cold around himself that will damage enemies the more they stay in it, and apply the normal sheer cold to them. Does not affect party.

"My therapist said I put up walls because of trauma, but I couldn't hear them through the wall I had just built"

Elemental burst-a story to be told: Alexander takes out his book and opens to a random page, then randomly summons ice sculptures of one of 8 beings:

"Aster": this summon looks like the flatwoods monster, it surrounds the party in a swirl of ice blades that deal 2X damage as the character for 10 seconds.

"Who needs brawn, when you got brain"

"Ultimate foe": a demonic, pointy being of shadow. Will independently deal 25000 damage to three random foes.

"Meet my penultimate friend"

"Beethoven": a sculpture reminiscent of a ww1 zombie general, calls down a barrage of ice bombs that deal 5000 damage to enemies hit for 7 seconds.

"Good scifi doesn't predict, it prevents"

"Sorrows Joy": an angelic, faceless, robot like humanoid that spawns 25 angel shaped traps that freeze enemies around the character.

"With any luck, you're the only real one I've made"

"Death rider and the magic prince": two statues, one of a mummy like Schneznayan mystic of ancient barbarian times and the other an elven cavalry knight from the myths of mondstadt. The knight gives the party a 45% boost to speed and attack while moving, and the Schneznayan gives +10% damage bonus to elemental skills and +55% damage bonus to Catalyst.

"Feel the wrath of honor long passed"

"Zero point and Lion queen": a knightly man of spiked armor and a golden ottoman warrior woman whose golden chain completely obscures her head. Your enemies become inflicted with pyro and you are surrounded by thorn bushes that deal continuous damage of 1000 for 10 seconds.

"Walk down the way on a moonlit day"

The traveler: a child in a red straight jacket, his binds become undone after 4 seconds at which point all enemies take 10,000 X Alexander's level of damage.

"I uh,wont have to pay any copyrights will I?"

"Giota": a child in pyjamas who looks ready to sleep, this summon is very rare. It fully restores all party members and gives a 200% boost to both defense and damage of your characters.

"This fella's been with me since I was a kid"

"If it is a soldier's duty to escape the confines of a prison, is it not every person's duty to escape reality if even for a moment? A wise man said that, pray that I may one day be like him."

Passive-part the wasteland: Alexander is immune to sheer elements, and Grant's 50% resistance when in the party to all members.

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Story

Abandoning a dream

As a kid, Alexander was always put down when he said he wanted to write fiction, "there's no money in it" they all said.

He couldn't get into any art schools without support so he focused his mind elsewhere, a place he could hopefully use his writing to do just as much good: the first newspaper in Schneznaya.

Horrible truth

He didn't start as a trouble maker, but the more he sought out the truth the more he couldn't stand back and watch. He published numerous papers about the Tsarista's wrongdoings and the crimes of the fatui, how they would harass merchants in other nations, the unfair taxes many shipping businesses had to keep quiet about, all the way up to the war crimes the Tsarista had done in direct contradiction to her own laws.

Sadly, not many believed him even with evidence, but some got his message.

Those who fight

One day Alexander was approached by a man who claimed to have formed a resistance against the fatui. Alexander had inspired many people to disrupt the organization, and have even begun working with those outside Schneznaya.

With their help he didn't just publish some crimes, he published them all, he even got information that turned the general public against the fatui even if just a little.

In a way h had achieved his dream of helping others with his writing, even if it wasn't how he wanted.

Stop the presses

When the Tsarista started her big move of taking gnosis, she brought the hammer down on dissent like a boulder on a ten year old's wrist. One day a squad of thirty fatui stormed Alexander's home and business to silence him, and while they shut down his business they couldn't catch him.

Alexander fled into the wastelands of ice and snow and wasn't seen for several weeks.

Deus ex Vodka

One day Alexander showed up in Inazuma, a nation that had been oppressed for some time now and had recently reached it's height, yet no resistance had formed.

That was until Alexander came along.

Alexander published numerous books, spreading them throughout Inazuma. All of them spoke of freedom, of bravery, of rising up to achieve your ambitions.

And with those stories he inspired countless to take up arms, and in turn inspired countless to join the resistance.

And with mere fiction he had brought about hope,

And with mere fiction he shall do it again, in every form, and in every nation.

Vision: cold hearted

While wondering the waste Alexander fell down and looked to the skies.

He did not ask celestia why, he did not grieve or blame that he did not do more, instead Alexander did something he hadn't done in a long time:

He imagined.

And after he imagined he took out his notebook and wrote. In the freezing cold for seventeen days he wrote stories of hope and freedom.

For seventeen days the cold did not so much as cause him to flinch as he wrote tales of bravery.

For seventeen days Alexander Vodka lived how he wanted to live.

And at the end, he lied down to die.

Then a light shown, and when he opened his eyes to look he saw that the storm parted around him, and in his hand was an ice blue gem.

But Alexander was too paranoid from years of abuse from his peers as a child to wear it loosely, and far to extra to just get a lock. So instead Alexander shouted to celestia "if I shall have this Vision for my art, then it shall not kill me no matter what I do!"

He then shoved the vision into his heart and fell down.

Before he could bleed out however, a woman appeared.

"Hey Tsari, how ya doin." Alexander said as blood poured out his mouth.

"You dramatic fool," the Tsarista sighed as she put a hand on his chest, "you have my element, do you know how bad it'll look for me if you die by shoving your vision into your heart?"

"Why do you care? We hate eachother, in case you forgot."

The archon sighed, "you're just rebelling against what you see as unjust, just as I am. To be honest I feel a sort of rivalry with you, so it'd be a shame if you just died. Also," she painfully shoved the vision all the way in, painfully, "if your going to die it better be because of me, got it?"

Then Alexander sat up, and the god was gone. Along with the hole in his chest.

"Rival of a god eh?" He sat up, putting his gat back on his head, "I like the sound of that."

_____________________

How is this an insert?

Well his story can't be the exact same as mine, so I took my life and goals and made predictions, then fictionalized those predictions and expanded.

His appearance is pretty close to how I'll likely look based on my current appearance, and his dramatic attitude is exactly how I wanna act.

Him being shy in new places with strangers is me exactly as I am now really, however I do believe I'd act confidently if I were famous so he does as well.

Him being Catalyst is because I'm not athletic at all, and I figured a dps Catalyst would be cool. His main ability and resistance/immunity to sheer cold is based on how I wrap up in warm blankets when it's cold, and his ultimate is made up of characters I've made.

_____________________

Tagging: @genshin-obsessed, @golden-wingseos, @storytravelled, and @love-psxlm

[blueboltkatana]

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

GUrll ur so sexy... Like you're Hot. I don't care if you were bullied in school, you're sexy, they lied.

Also bitch I KNEW i related to you too much our ascendants are both in leo we're so hot.

Ok ok no now I'll stop complimenting and start with the roasting here we go:

So the sun is your sense of "self" it represents you on the more base level i guess you could say, like what most people think you're like is represented by your sun. With Sagittarius being your sun it means you're very energetic Especially for those things you are passionate about, you might have gone through a LOT of hobbies, only a few of them stuck around but you like to try things. You're curious about the way people's minds works, you wanna figure them out. If the conversations you have don't involve some form of psychoanalysis or philosophy you might loose interest. You are a Talker, maybe you talk very fast or you are often told to lower your voice but you don't do it on purpose you're just very very animated. You are kina volatile, in the sense that you value freedom in everything, love, work, hobbies. You have a huge rebellious streak and you kinda like testing your luck. Think adrenaline junkie. It's cliché but with this much Sagittarius in your chart you prob love traveling, like i said you will chase freedom because you associate it with happiness. If you find people that make you feel free then you feel happy. Rules don't go well with you. You don't really like being involved with fights per se but you LOVE debating, if you can beat a motherfucker with nothing but facts and logic you will and you will enjoy it.

Your way of flirting or making friends is "lowkey bullying" or my favourite "verbally throwing hands". If they shoot back you get heart eyes (my mars in sag agrees). You can be tactless as fuck tho. Like you will say some outrageous shit that MIGHT be funny if the timing is right or MIGHT make everyone in a 5 mile radius mad.

I NEED to talk about your moon in sag bc Babe, babe the moon tells us about our emotions and how we deal with them, how we express them and how they shape us. But BABE. Sagittarius moons are so bad at comforting people it's embarrassing, trying to make them think of smth else or do smth else to distract from the situation is NOT a good way to deal with your emotions... Avoiding your emotions like the plague is not gonna invent a vaccine... Saying "everything is fine :)" DOESN'T MAKE ANYTHING FINE PLEASE GO TO THERAPY. ok to give you some credit, you don't let shit bring you down, no matter what you always get up and that is a *strength* that i admire, but love you're burning the candle at both ends, especially if you get yourself in More problems by trying to distract yourself from One problem.

Also you've had a horsegirl phase or a dog obsession phase or both huh. AND your love language is sarcasm but the type that you will make someone laugh when you're insulting them. You're also hilarious irl you're prob the "funny friend" but with that scorpio mars and venus baby inside ur sad and dark as fuck ripp.

I also wanted to talk about your mercury in sag... Babe... Do you know what a brain to mouth filter IS?! do you recognize that word?!?! Cuz you have never used yours i think. Like you are hilarious but that's because you have dolphins in the head cavity baby. Not trying to say you're stupid, you're actually very smart and opinionated, probably have been told that you'd be a great lawyer or smth. But miss gurl please think before you speak for the love of god ur gonna make someone cry. Also ur mouth is foul. Have you ever spoken a sentence without a "fuck" or a "cunt" somewhere in there?! God bless.

Now for your scorpio Venus I'm just gonna say, more confirmation that ur Sexy as Fuck, scorpio venuses are just sexy, amazing partners, VERY passionate, whoever dates you will never forget you, for better or for worse you'll forever be on the back of their mind. You had a harsh emo phase huh, maybe loved some obscure shit like witchcraft or just love dressing all black like someone's mother died, i bet you wear silver jewelry a lot, maybe necklaces or rings or chockers. If this isn't how you dress now it was prob a major phase in your life. Or maybe you just love horror movies idk

Being as passionate as you are you don't take well to being mistreated or lied to, you might like to plot revenge and things like those, you wouldn't do anything... You actually prefer letting things go but you WILL make an elaborate scenario in your head at 3am or even as you stare right in the persons face.

With mars in scorpio you might be kinda passive aggressive, maybe you act like things don't really bother you but you throw a comment or two once in a while just to stir the pot bc you can't move on lmfao.

You are attracted to people that are introverts or generally just mysterious, like i said above the nature of the Sagittarius is to Learn and to Study. People that you can't immediately figure out intrigue you. All your crushes are either on geminis or water signs lmfao.

The best careers for you are the ones that allow you some freedom of either movement or expression and something that can keep your mind from flying away, something that keeps you intrigued, like research or writing. You're a very "all or nothing" person and it can sometimes scare people away, i advise you to work on compromising, being less stubborn and more open with your emotions and desires.

(part one bc I'm taking too long and I don't wanna keep you waiting so much) I'll reblog this with part 2

Alright here we go part 2 of Roasting hella until she finds out I'm hiding in her walls.

I will skip over some planets that are Very slow moving and usually don't talk about you as an individual but refer to your generation as a whole.

I wanna focus on lilith for a sec bc worstie lilith talks about our fears, our more "darker" side that we hide from ourselves as well as the people that we love. Lilith in aries in the eleventh house tells me you might be afraid to take charge, you gravitate towards positions of leadership but you let go on the last second, almost afraid to have too much control, very often self sabotaging your own success. Your anger and you own ambition might scare you, you might be afraid of appearing too aggressive bc under your skin you have a deep rooted anger and rebellion that you wish to relieve but you can't find a good enough outlet, some things soothe it but you always feel like it never leaves. It might be related to some form of resentment that you never truly dealt with and now it sits uncomfortably with you and you just can't get over it and it bothers you. You might have been shy in groups as a child, maybe you talked a lot but it was always from a fear of the silence not always because you had something to say. The eleventh house is that of groups and friends and social awareness, technology and your hopes and wishes for the future, having lilith in this house talks about someone who had a hard time feeling comfortable around people OR someone who wasn't very accepted. You might have desperately wished for friends but have found it hard to find any. Or if you did, you deep down felt very alone. I would advise to learn to accept your anger and deal with it in healthy ways instead of brushing it off and repressing it.

The north node talks about what you need to focus more in your life for example in your case with Gemini in your North node you need to focus more on your communication letting go of anxiety and your relation with other people you need to become more interested in intellectual pursuit and growth. You need to let go off the need to always be right and look more at details instead of focusing on on the bigger picture all of the time. When your North node is is in Gemini then your South node is in Sagittarius which tells me that what you should focus less on is your pursuit of freedom and your rebellion. Be more aware of your words and use them with maturity.

Now let's have some fun with the ascendent in leo which we share and now i see why ur so relatable. The first house or the ascendant is that very superficial layer of our personality, it includes the way we carry ourselves, our style, the little habits or quirks we have. One thing about leo ascendants is that we have an obsession with our hair. Hair is important to us, some have huge hair that might remind you of a lions mane, others just have very unique style or color but we ALL are lowkey or highkey obsessed with it, either constantly touching it, pulling it, chewing on it, cutting it or dying it in unique ways you name it. You might have a rather large nose or cat like eyes.

This ascendent is full of life and light, very funny, light hearted and luxurious, you want to live that good life and i don't blame you. A negative aspect is that we come of as intimidating to others. ALL of my friends AND my ex have at some point told me I was intimidating to them. It makes us prone to overcompensating for it later in life so maybe now you're super outgoing and extroverted and you approach people first and try to be super friendly. Also you're an attention whore (affectionate) with a flare for the dramatics, very flamboyant, you basically fill the room with personality, it attracts attention and you love it. You're what people would call a "sunny" person.

You're hella competitive (get it lol) and you LOVE fighting your way to the top and crushing the competition. You're probably a weirdo that low key likes school. Not the way it's run or the teachers or whatever, but the "idea" of school. If you could just learn all your life you absolutely would.

Second house in virgo. The 2nd house is the house of money, work, income, daily routines, values, material possessions, habits, work ethic ect being in virgo it means you can have an extremely good work ethic, you put a lot of thought in planning and mapping your work, you might get overly critical on your work though and often undermine your own success and efforts because they didn't fit your impossible standards. You can be very organized in your work, you want things to be a certain way and if they don't follow your plan you will Make them. Its a good position for virgo but yoh need to be aware of not overworking by trying to do Everything on your own. Let others help you, and let people in your work do their own things don't try to help if not asked to because you will overwork yourself.

The third house is that of the mind, thinking, communication, siblings, interests and early education, in your case it is in Libra which means that you're early education might not have been very stable or it was a period of time that you look back with a lot of fondness but not much substance. You are a good talker but you get lost when it comes to details, you are indecisive when it comes to settling on an opinion on something if you don't have All the facts first, you always want to be right. You are pretty open minded and easy to talk to but you might have the bad habit of rambling off topic. You change interests constantly and you prob like to talk about others, you wanna know the tea if it kills you. You prob had a crush on a childhood best friend or on a hot neighbor. Your relationship with your siblings might be pretty good, friendly, no particular resentment or anything like that, you might be the one that everyone treats a little better, people let you get away with things more often, you might be the one that takes 2 hours in the bathroom lol.

Oof fourth house in scorpio babe how are the mommy issues? 😬 How is your relationship with your femininity? Having trouble with keeping secrets? So the fourth house is the one responsible for your home roots, your family, self-care, emotions, your mother, women and your femininity and having Scorpio here tells me that you might have very strong ties to your family, but they weren't healthy or emotionally supportive. You have grown with people that might have undermined your emotions, people that didn't teach you to set healthy boundaries and maybe even manipulators and gaslighters. You might have been the type to put your foot down a lot a home, assuming a very dominant role as well as the defender. You're very private about your family life and don't want to let people too close.

Ah i just noticed u have like 3 planets in this house including ur Sun and Moon, babe this house is what you need to focus on when you go to therapy. This almost secretive, guarded approach to understanding your own emotions is very prominent in how you see yourself, how you feel and with Pluto there, how you change. I could say the biggest changes in your life have happened in these areas and they have left the biggest impacts on you. Yes you are passionate and protective but don't let bad feelings marinate forever, address them and then move on from them because they're just weighting you down.

Fifth house in sag, also the house of your mercury. This house represents Love, romance, creativity, self expression, joy and childlike spirit. It tells me the way you express your creativity is through words which makes sense since you're a great writer, but not only, the way you express Love is also through your words, expression and free thoughts are your way you tell your loved ones how much you mean to them, think poetry, long rants, music recommendations bc of specific song lyrics, you have been writing form childhood and it's one of the ways you express your view on beauty as well, to you love is freedom and freedom is expression.

Capricorn in the sixth house paired with both uranus and neptune being in it tells me there is something about your knees, joints, bones or teeth in particular that stands out when it comes to your health, maybe you tend to break your teeth, maybe you like chewing on crunchy foods, maybe your joints crack a lot, idk but I'd drink my milk if i was you, take care of your joints and bones. Also for you, being emotionally unwell often translates to being Physically unwell as well, so be mindful of your emotions because they do affect you physically. You need to keep hydrated also and your health plan needs structure for it to work bc that neptune makes everything very chaotic and uranus constantly makes you bored and wanting to spice things up. Take care of your emotional needs just as much as you would with your physical ones. And for the love of jesus be CAREFUL with alcohol or smoking because that neptune in ur health house could mean serious trouble if you let it become an addiction, don't push it.

Aquarius in the seventh house of relationships, marriage, contracts, business partners ect means you are untraditionally traditional. That makes sense in my head let me explain. Aquarius is a sign that seeks individualism desperately, it likes to feel like a special person, impossible to understand. Yet always feels comfortable in the structure of traditional and safe paths. So for example you might marry someone in a way that is not traditional but at the end of the day you wish for your marriage to have a stability you would feel safe falling into. Also it says ur gay. Air signs in the relationship house says ur gay i Make the rules.

Pisces is in the eighth house of sex, intimacy, shared finances, inheritance, taxes, loans, property, mystery, partner's resources. This tells me you fuck with feeling lmfao. Or you simply make your love life something "special", a connection that only you and ur person can share, it's what makes you an amazing lover and an unforgettable one as well. But as amazing as you are at creating a otherworldly atmosphere, ur just as shit at setting boundaries and saying something when you don't like something. You don't like to see things that you love ending and a failed relationship makes you blame yourself too much, you have the tendency to stay in situations where you are being mistreated but you tell yourself It's on you.

A recurring theme I'm seeing is some weakness when it comes to liars or manipulators in your life. So either you irrationally fear people are lying to you because you "lie" to them about yourself or a lot of people in your childhood might have used lying or gaslighting as a way to keep you under control. I would advise to try not to overthink and become paranoid, people love you and they believe in you and they aren't deceiving you, they don't secretly mean something different from what they have said. Listen to your intuition about people sure, but don't confuse it with anxiety.

With lilith and aries in the 9th house of travel and higher education and religion I'm gonna assume you might have religious trauma. Religion might have been a way that people used to try and control you, if not religion then some form of system or government law. Being queer i completely understand the sentiment but in your case it's take a step further because you Value the ideals of this house so much, with lilith here, it's like at som point in your life you were finally awakened to how much injustice there was in the world ant that has made you very inclined to take action, you cannot stand unjust government or non tolerating religions. You might have felt crushed under an unjust system and it took you a lot of will and conviction to find your individuality and build yourself how you wanted once you were free.

Your midheaven in taurus tells me you are one that will achieve any goals you set your mind to. It might take you time, you might procrastinate around it, but at the end of the day, you will do it and you will do it well and it will be rewarding. If your father isn't a Taurus then he was a stable figure in your life, very much a rock for better or for worse. In your career life people will see you as very competent, very down to earth and helpful but you know you just procrastinated till the last second possible and stayed up all night do finish your work... You will seek careers that you believe will guarantee you stable income and a comfortable life. You might indulge in luxury from time to time because you think in order to get the position you want at work you need to look the part. Ultimately it's your sheer stubbornness and spite that gets you all the way up to the top of the food chain.

The eleventh house of groups, friendships, humanitarianism, and social awareness is in your case in gemini. It tells me you value friendship extremely and you surround yourself with a diverse cast of friends, you couldn't mix your different friend groups if you tried and you have tried. You have the habit of being too friendly to everyone which makes you end up with more friends than you know what to do with. You are approachable but people can get the impression that you are putting up a show or a facade and your emotions arent genuine, it's not always the case but you need to be more truthful and assertive, put some boundaries and don't let people get away with shit you don't like. Your public persona is very well liked, seen as fun and bright and smart and overall a joy to be around.

Now that last placement... 12th house cancer, i have the same placement and babe I'm sorry for all the shit you have been through. You deserve the freedom to be unhappy and to express that unhappiness in healthy ways. You deserve to be given unconditional love and support no matter how many mistakes you say you have made no matter how overly pessimistic you are about yourself it doesn't matter you're amazing and i love you and you deserve the world.

With jupiter the planet of expansion in the 12th house of endings, spirituality, solitude and karma?! Gurl i did say u were a cult leader but i didn't think it was astrologically backed up rippp. But it also says you might have a hard time getting the motivation to finish things, you might take a long time to finish a project. This house placements also tells me you're amazing at writing emotional ass fantasy stories which by now we have confirmed, but if you have like, an original idea for a book don't hesitate to get it started babe bc u have a very promising placement for that. Don't get too dragged into a sad whirlpool of emotions and daydreams but bring your creative ideas to life and you'll be fine.

This is all I'm doing today and i think it's enough lol. I'm posting this I'm sorry to my followers for the long ass post I'll tag it so you can filter it. This was a whole psycho-astrological analysis of our favourite writer Hellspawn1975. I have wanted to study her like a new lizard species for a while and i finally got the chance thank you hella for the opportunity.

Final words to @hella1975 i hate you and I'll fuck ur mom tomorrow, gn babe <3