#Trying to poke at it a little more
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Trying to decide if my intense discomfort with 2x7 is because it hits uncomfortable themes, because it's not quite hitting the story beats right, a little bit of both, or ofc a secret third thing
#Making myself finish it for discomfort tolerance reasons#Trying to poke at it a little more#ofmd#ofmd s2#Oh Stede baby please don't#But also Izzy bothers me a lot in this one#And the polycule situation feels stiffly acted and under-written
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♡♡♡
#*pokes my head in* hi#I'm taking a hiatus from my main on Twitter#I guess I'm only kinda taking one here? not sure yet#Tumblr has always been a safe and welcoming place for me for the most part so I'm trying to be a little more open here ♡ ;w;#so to anyone reading these tags#I've been going through a very rough patch in terms of fandom/personal life/XIV Twitter/the wolgraha sphere in general#Mainly my perception on social media#but since I started my hiatus from public twitter I've been doing SO much better mentally#been writing and gposing every day and it feels nice to create again#creating for myself and my own very specific tastes feels good so I will keep doing that! :)#so here you go! some bathtime AedRaha#I'm very in love with AedRaha and always will be#thank you for reading these tags if you did <3 sorry if I was a bit vague lol I've had a lot going on lately#wolgraha#wol x g'raha tia#aedric vaillencourt#elezen#gpose#my poses#g'raha tia#AedRaha
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you know the video of a black cat doing stuff it shouldnt and someone going "-gasp- dont do thaaaat!" ?
thats how i felt watching zelda bare-handed, zero hesitation, pick up the magick gummy that just fell from a disembodied, ominously glowing hand attached to a shriveled corpse in the castle basement visibly spewing poison in totks canon intro
like girl, no!! dont do that!
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#totk#like at least poke it first!!#girl what!!#i dont remmeber did she?? fksbfsd#this is half joking but i did feel like shes smarter than that#but plots gotta plot#(even tho it would have worked the same if she used idk a paper towel or her sleeve to pick it up)#not trying to nitpick more but you know#sometimes its the little things that pile up and make a bigger problem#anyway i was working on the intro in my rewrite and then thoguht of that scene and imemdiately had the cat in mind#noooo zelda dont do thaaat
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Before I go to sleep I leave you all with this piece of advice: sometimes you don't actually have to answer big political questions, sometimes you can just say "I am not smart enough to know that, I just know the small things I do to help." Like you can often times completely avoid making a fool of yourself if you just say you don't know.
#simon says#to explain here and not in a reblog:#sometimes when you try to explain big picture solutions you're gonna sound dumb#you might not have done enough research#you might not have a rebuttal to a counter argument#you might not be articulate enough to explain why you think this#sometimes you gotta take a step back and give the simple solution. the one man solution#you do what you can to fight against the problem#you talk to people to help spread awareness and how to fight the bad problem#and you vote and invite others to vote for bigger steps towards solving the problem#like you can talk about theory and how you believe we need to do a huge drastic thing to solve and issue#but people will disagree and argue til you're blue in the face#they'll poke and prod until you mess up or lose your temper and use it against you#and you'll feel dumb and they'll learn nothing#sometimes the best thing to do is step away from the big picture and just say 'idk what the solution is I just know the things I can do“#sometimes you gotta admit you're not a scientist/expert and you can't answer that#i used this while talking with my Dad tonight#he brought up our climate crisis and space travel as a possible solution#and I said I think that's just addressing the symptom and not the cause and we need to care for our Earth now#and he asked me what solutions I think would fix it#and knowing my incredibly smart Dad who is articulate and ready to throw rebuttles at a moments notice to play devils advocate#and my past experience in struggling in this topic with him before#i just told him I didn't know. all i knew is the little things I can and do do to help#and that hopefully by spreading the word and habits and encouraging others to vote for those bigger solutions I could help make a change#but all I really could do is the little things I have control over#and the topic became much less stressful about the little things we have control over#like planting native plants and recycling and adopting habits that are healthier to our planet#which was 100% more preferable to if I tried to give a big solution. because I would reveal i didn't have all the knowledge needed to argue#and my articulation would make me sound like a stupid kid who only thinks they know what's best#so yeah I basically suggest that if you dont wanna feel like shit after debating someone just step away from the big picture for a moment
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i love having cats. there's just a Little Guy in my house that i can go annoy when i'm bored
#she's my bestie she's my nemesis she's my comedy partner she's my little meow meow#i poke her she smacks me#i say hi she makes an unholy noise in return#i crochet she sits in my lap and watches#i freak out bc theres a spider & she eats it#and when i keep my door closed for more than five seconds she yowls and scratches like she's been exiled#she truly is The Most Cat Ever#except also not bc she acts more like a person. shes too smart#absolutely unprompted#sorry im just feeling Affection for my small ginger menace#she is currently crouching on the rug trying to Entice me into shenanigans#ohhhh nvm she just brought one of her toys into the room. she wants me to throw it so so badly#get you a cat who plays fetch#and Wont Stop Staring oh my god i can feel her eyes boring into the back of my skull#she's just staring at me from the hallway. menacingly#her tiny murder paws.... her weirdly strong tail that hurts when it slaps me in the face... big ol ears... pink nose... She <3#i've never had a cat with such a strong personality#sorry *purrsonality#her range of expressions and vocals... unparalleled#helped me carry a bit for a full five minutes a lil bit ago#meowed back in all the right places with the right tone#she knows whats up <3
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#photos of my guitar my dad posted to his blog years back when he bought it#it’s the most beautiful guitar in the world. it feels warm and alive to play#as you can see in the first two pics it used to have a newer pickup installed on the bottom. luckily he found an era appropriate online#it’s from 82 if you were curious#it says squire on the headstock but it was made on the fender line. they bought squire out and swapped in the name soon after this#but he got it a little cheaper than it was worth at the time because people aren’t as autistic as him and don’t know about production lines#basically it wasn’t brand name#basswood body and dark rosewood on the neck 😋✌️#it’s actually a replication of a ‘62 model! which was 20 years old at the time. mines now twice that. isn’t that incredible#i actually saw a modern fender replication of this exact model in an op shop yesterday#for more or less exactly how much this was bought for#dad finished his blog post by saying he thinks this is better made than the original. and despite not knowing the og i’m inclined to agree#people in the comments of his post are saying that this era was supposed to be something special. hehe. they’re right#i’ve played many guitars. i own this one because my dad collects them and he let me try them all out#and i have a lot of friends who play guitar and ive hung out with them to do so#and i’ve never felt one like mine before or since. it’s so obviously beautiful#when i picked it out i hadn’t played much but i knew right away how good it was. i prefer strat bodies because i can hug my torso around#them without getting poked like a tele and the necks are thinner than acoustics (small hands. bad)#unless we’re talking parlour#love a wee parlour. pa has a little one he got for 30 bucks that’s one of my favourites of his#he’s insanely good at finding deals#he fixes them all up#anyway. the body feels#how would you even describe it#heavy. and alive. warm and wet and still full of sap#i feel like it’s breathing#it’s sort of the only thing that motivates me to be better. i could cry just thinking about it. i want to be good enough to play it
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JUPITER, BRINGER OF LIGHT, KING OF GODS
#hxh#hunter x hunter#meruem#AUGH FINALLY DONE WITH THIS...... HAPPY MERUEM MONDAY LMAO#this was initially supposed to be based on holst's jupiter (bringer of jollity) but i ended up reworking a lot of the ideas i had#did a little poking around and found jupiter (the god) has some connotations with light and then the whole#''name with directly biblical connotations'' thing happened; ive been wanting to draw him with a halo for so long now#also gave him eyeshine bc i think it's fun + makes him look a little more menacing; especially when the rest of him is cast in shadow#heavy light connotations yet i put him in the shadows..#anyways I'm really happy with this one 💖 i dont really draw him a lot but I'm trying to make it count every time i do#''oh i dont like drawing meruem he's too detailed and complex'' and then i turn around and do this#i don't really play around with lighting a whole lot so a lot of this was new territory for me; glad the lineless look worked!#still had to um. manually draw to highlight his chest and abs for the EnjoyersTM out there lmao but other than that#not upset with this one and that's nice! it was meant to be monochromatic green as well. it got away from me lmao#hoatm draws
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xl went through so much insane suffering, things like being stabbed until he barely resembles a human form and being locked in a coffin for literally a hundred years, but I think making him immortal and ever-healing and showing how much he learned from his experiences AND ending his story with so much closure and close relationships makes his tragedies a lot easier to bear than wwx's. like, emotionally
#when I see xl I go marlon brando voice *look how they massacred my boy*#reading books 2 and 4 going wow this is really sad im glad that's behind xl and he's at such peace#reading the flashbacks in mdzs and going WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK#wwx does have a nice little recovery arc in the book but he's still clearly really messed up from a lot that had happened to him#and compartmentalizing and avoiding his past and desperately trying to survive another day#in a way xl really wasn't. he was just chilling#this is why I never read tgcf fic unless it's very goofy or pokes fun at canon#it feels like such a more complete story with no loose ends or lingering issues#tho tbf I don't really search for novel fic I search for cql fic and happen to run into novel stuff that I like sometimes#which is usually modern with magic or dealing with various things I thought weren't handled well like the sex scenes#also he was by all accounts a very stable and happy child and young adult. the shit didn't even start until he was 17#by that point wwx had lost two sets of parents been hunted on the street by feral dogs as a starving child been tortured multiple times#has lost his home to a violent invasion had given up his core in a painful procedure that he knew would eventually kill him#and been in a war#hm. anyway.#tgcf txp
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I feel like a fucking feral animal that needs to be pinned down by the throat and stabbed.. i mean fucked argh no what i wanted to say.. is i need to be fucking sta
#nsfwtext#loosing my marbles#thinking about fucking provoking them#acting out#scratching them#to make them violate me and fuck me to pieces because i need it so so much#but they just think it's cute#poking fun at me for being so desperate for them#being pinned by the throat i slowly start getting weaker and they praise me for being good and relaxing#fucking me oh so slowly and it's NOT ENOUGH#but it's all I am going to get#struggling#trying to fuck myself back into them#but it just makes them press harder#until I am all still#like a little doll#teary eyed from my endless need and how feeling them rut into me so gently doesn't give me any relief.. it just makes it worse#feeling like going crazy and breaking down while they push a finger into my mouth to suck on#slapping me and then going back to chockeing me.#feeling my arousal built more and more#wanting them so much it doesn't matter if it's pleasure or pain begging to be kicked or fucked harder or cut or punched or skull fucked#just anything to truely feel them#argh#i am about to start biting people i need this#thinking about the times someone made me hurt so bad during a scene i felt like I need to throw up#like me brain was all pain and somehow it still got worse with each hit#that pain is so bad i feel like blacking out#saying yellow and#how just one touch was enough to flip the switch and what was pain just a second before was now arousal uggh am so needy for pain rn#when you are so full of pain in a scene it's like your consciousness morphs and all there is is you and pain and your partner
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logs on, posts cat photo, immediately sees shit-storm drama, logs out ✌️
#like. idk man. go poking around just a LITTLE bit and it's like oh fuuuuck. the under 25s are being fuckin stupid as shit again#🙄🙄🙄 aren't y'all tired yet jfc get real problems grow tf up holy shit#this website becomes more & more exhausting to try to use every fckn month#I'd PAY to have just tumblr 28yrs+ everyone has a job a several responsibilities & probably a disorder we're just trying to chill fckn hell#erin explains it all
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...
#it's so weird trying to describe yourself when u really aren't something u used to be#like until i was probably 21 or so id say i was shy. very very shy. but now im like was that even true? was i ever shy bc im not now#maybe i was just quiet and anxious. maybe thats just what being shy is. but im still both of those things but im not shy#im sorta like a hermit. i dont really go around ppl if i can avoid it but i dont hate being around ppl. its just that im less anxious when#im alone. but if u put me around ppl i like to talk to them so im not shy. ill say whatever. i dont really give a fuck#but if u throw me in a group i go back to being a non entity. i guess thats just being an introvert with an asocial streak#thats a thing i noticed while i was at the grad weekend i attended in march. the group would gather and do things while i kinda just#wandered away from them to poke at trees and sit in the snow. i dunno i just feel better away from ppl. my brain gets a lot louder if ive#been too social. which is a shame bc its interesting to watch ppl and understand how thry work#my friend came over to day goodbye before i leave next week. which was nice. i wish we would have hung out more in person but so it goes#and i think in my head im a lot more contained thst i actually am. like if u set me a task that becomes my focus but im also sorta all over#the place. partly bc i think my brain works on like a lag. and also my mood is a little elevated rn so im sorta like *jazz hands* and#talking too fast and too much and oversharing. yesterday i was instrucing an undergrad and felt so bad bc my brain was all over the place.#could not b made linear. im tired now tho bc theres nothing more draining than being emotionally honest and talking for like 2hrs. woof. it#so hot. like fucking so hot bc the monsoons have started and humidity is up so my swamp cooler is fucked and its gotta b at least 80 degree#inside my apartment. holy christ. and the temp has been over 100 degrees for like at least 2 weeks. its so hot its kinda alarming. and im#glad my friend was also freaked out by how hot its been bc oh god its hot. and i cant focus. ive done fuck all today. but i did get rid of#couch which is so so so great. ugh. someone make the sun stop making it so hot#unrelated#its been over 100 degrees outside for like 2 weeks. not on my apartment#and when i say i wish i spent more time with my friend irl. i mean it in a distant sort of way. like thats how im supposed to feel. like i#dont kno if thats actually what i feel or i kno im supposed to b social but idk if i actually mean it
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feeling a lot more stable about everything, i decided to forego keeping a bandaid on because my fucking skin cannot take the adhesives for that long omg itches so bad around them
I have a plan in place to replace the bandaids should i require not needing to see my elbow again about it, but i also wanted to see for myself how bad it was.
BOY HOWDY do I bruise purty. That shit is dark where it's not already going greenyellow. looks like I put a sharpie in a chokehold and barely managed to wrangle it into submission like damn.
#i am probably going to have us put on a replacement bandage over the bruising because it's honestly yeah a little distressing to see#but i no longer feel like it's going to explode open and spurt blood everywhere if i'm not careful and that's important#this would be easier if we were like one solid continuous consciousness but unfortunately we're not#and for anyone who wasn't there during the cause of the Visible Injury having a visible injury suddenly be a lot worse#than what you were anticipating based on what the last person who looked at it remembers (let alone was just expecting in general)#(because lets face it i've not bruised this badly after a poke before. i think the closest was the IV for sedation before i got my#wisdom teeth taken out) and if you're maybe significantly younger than most of the rest of the soup in the bowl at the time it can y'know#freak a guy out a little which is what happened yesterday/last night#i'm glad i'm not navigating this without the context of being several opossums in a trenchcoat because that would be i think even more#distressing than it already has been. it keeps embarrassment for uncharacteristic freakouts to a minimum at least#gonna try and let it breathe for a bit and just kind of chill out with the elbow exposed a little to hopefully help#both with like acclimation to the sight and also maybe the cool air will help it feel better.#but also like i just cannot do that much bandage adhesive on my skin for that long it is so itchy around where i was wearing them augh#doesn't help my upper arm where my vaccines went look like i got bit by the worlds largest skeeter like damn#miecz posting#garrett posting
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Obsessed with running myself a very hot bath and thensitting in it with the detachable shower head in my hand under the surface with cold water running through it and using it to cool the bath down and feel the temperature change until my bath is comfortably on the colder side of lukewarm . And then I drain a bit of the water and start running hot water once again through the shower head and feeling the warmth slowly hit me after I��ve gotten used to the cool water . And I may repeat this process as needed/desired until I’m ready to finally get out of the bath and go to bed. This is meditation for me
#and if you point the shower head upward while it’s underwater it creates this lovely little dome of moving water trying to break through#the surface#and u can poke it with ur fingertips from above and it’s really nice when it’s cooler than the water ur sitting in#I love you water I love you bathtub#I’ve heard that a lot of people on the autism spectrum are obsessed with water like this bc it can create such a great sensory experience#but we’re not gonna think too much on that because I am not trying to get ANY more diagnoses!#I’m very neurodivergent this is known I don’t need a psychiatrist in my business about harmless things tho
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/ those of u guys who write s.ervants or have f.ate s.ervant verses, would u let d.aybit be ur muses' m.aster-
#;ooc#ooc#asking for-- science--#LISTEN; i think compared to a lot of v trashy magus; he is pretty reasonable m.aster#once i get on da computer ill try to find the screenshots of some interactions he has with t.ezcatlipoca#and yes in part there's the thing that;; logically he doesnt really want to anger t.ezca bc he is a very powerful servant#but at the same time; i feel like their dynamic has always been pretty even; they understand each other in a similar wavelength#to the point that d.aybit can poke t.ezca a little and it ends up being a light-hearted situation for both#the thing i like about d.aybit as a master is that he holds a high level of respect tl t.ezca; which magus sometimes kind of shrug that off#like; im thinking of d.iar and his master k.ayneth and his wife that now i forgot her name#and how they treated diar and his morals and how all of that went down in f.ate z.ero#it always surprises me how every m.aster that has appeared in any f.ate rendition deals with their own s.ervants#we know that generally magus are kinda sussy but there are cases where its diff like h.akuno and their servant or r.itsuka in f.go#how the bond they forged with eaxh servant is so powerful that they wod all come to help them were they to be in trouble#taking the example lf r.itsuka; they have a higher compatibility for making those deep connections which#d.aybit's case could fit a more 'mutual transaction' sort of deal; unless he were to connect with the s.ervant in question like with t.ez#but if not; it would be something like;;#Here is my goal. What do you want to do?#always thinking about how d.aybit asked t.ezca if it was ok that they were continuing with their plot#like; if t.ezca had gone instead like;; 'nah man. i think this whole plan is going to shit let's call it a day'#d.aybit would have gone like; ok. and that's it?#which yes it should be the regular but some m.asters really just see their s.ervants as disposable weapons; bc some magus are lit shaped#like that#am i making sense?#/g.oogled it and k.ayneth's wife's name was sola-ui omg-#its been aaageeeees#which hey im not saying d.aybit is the best master but at least there's honest respect which is key
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writing of boss fights somewhat hindered by entirely forgetting what it's like to actually have to like. worry about it
#symptoms of Played This Game Way Too Much#and also of favoring the builds i do i suppose lol#tho. even on aoe builds rather than Instant Murder like shadow's mantle or burning carnival#it has been. awhile#at this point i'm really just poking at this in between trying to finish the trsb ones#but in other news kormac may get to yell at imperius#...mostly tho it's *i* want to bc he's just Like That lmao#the distracting d3 one#i need to dial back eirena a little tho i think. rn she's more like wizard/d2 sorceress than a support/cc before dps caster
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Ykno, I think this is my first ITNL reread since things got... really bad for me
I've gotten to the parts I was working on during All Of That, and it's kind of distracting... 10 through 13 especially was......... rough.
I'm always gonna be remembering what my life was when I read these chapters, huh? It's just never gonna go away.
#speculation nation#itnl shit#i posted chapter 11 right before my uncle's health took a turn for the worst#so i remember being in the hospital room & rereading it#then i posted chapter 12 before visiting him in the little home setup he had#so i remember researching the effects of electrocution while sitting in the room with him & planning out chapter 13#(which ended up being chapters 13 and 14. since it ended up Long.)#and chapter 13. i finished that chapter literally the day before i last saw him.#so i was reading and replying to comments while sitting by his side.#i was so preoccupied with poking on my phone i hadnt registered how much more subdued he was than the week before#barely talking. it was mostly an extended house visit. & i did what i always do and faded to the background.#i said goodbye to him. and the next day he was dead.#and im just... always going to remember these things. im always going to remember where i was when writing these.#chapter 14 took so damn long because i was so... depressed. oscillating wildly between manic and depressed#no real writing motivation...#and now here i am. fixing up a bunch of little mistakes throughout the whole fic. and taking a while because of it.#working on picking myself off the floor. regaining my motivation for the fic. fixing the things i didnt do so well on#because of the Everything that my life was...#15 and on will hopefully be a new period of my life. something hopeful. something engaging.#i want to stop being so... desolate. im really trying.#so. enthusiasm! yay! im working on it.#in the meantime im gonna be walking down memory lane. and so it goes.#negative/#death ment/#yyyeah#side effect of putting so much heart into my writing. it's inevitably going to leave markers of where i was at every point.#this can be a good thing and a bad thing. for This... it's... maybe not bad exactly. but difficult.#oh well. im just going to try my best...
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