#UGH this fic is TORTURE!!!!! WHAT DO I KEEP FROM CANON AND WHAT DO I CHANGE!!!!!!!

[anachronistic-falsehood]

debating veryyyy hard with myself on whether or not to keep rem dead in my roadtrip fic. bc on one hand her death was such a huge integral part of vash's character and to keep her alive even in a modern au would be erasing a very important part of him. but also what if nice mom gets to meet her son's four partners and is the best mom ever and cares about all the people her son loves. what then

[weebsinstash]

Ok so tmi (on the tmi blog lol) but the first day of my Cycle I had a dream that I had just given birth and I was holding my baby and I was goddamn euphoric even though the logical part of me was like “???? I am 22 and broke i CANNOT have a baby rn” and I woke up crying and called my friends like I WANNA HAVE A BAAAAAABYYYYY I WANT A BAAAAAAABYYYYYYYY so basically. Imagine. Miguel catches you in a moment of weakness. And he NEVER. FUCKING. FORGETS IT.

Oh wow girlie those period hormones grabbed you by the uterus and absolutely REFUSED to let go

NO BUT FOR REAL don't look at me but I've been thinking of a concerning number of ideas where it's like, "Reader suddenly realizes they may want a baby and is actually putting serious thought into it and Miguel finds out (bet your ass Peter B tells him, i can see him as a "well intentioned" platonic guardian/mentor figure who sells you out to Miguel the second he thinks you're doing something risky or he thinks it's for your own good) and Miguel starts making all these plans and preparations behind your back to have a baby with you" and obviously I like the extra juicy option of "he found out you got extremely depressed and tied your tubes or something because you either see no point in you having a kid/think it's too late, OR, Miguel was the only person you were looking at as a potential father and you either decide it wouldn't work out or he does something to hurt you and you lose trust in him" so like, the double whammy combo of him being hit with the news you basically walled off your fertility that he's kinda fantasizing about AND you blame him for it

You see him chokeslam Miles on the train and having all these serious anger and stress issues and you're like "hmmmm don't like that" and basically make the tubal ligation appointment that week (but, you know, he'll either interfere before you can actually get it or even reverse it later on)

Like. Ugh I'm not sure if I should go super into detail bc I feel like I want to put this scene in the YouTwo fic or in a different idea i have thats more centered around motherhood, but, picture he catches you in his monitor room one day after you've lost your home dimension, you're having a little more than just a small identity crisis, and he catches you having Lyla show you the model for your life, or what the algorithm had predicted your life was supposed to be like before your universe just magically poofed away. You're just staring at these holograms with tears running down your face and he occasionally catches you starting to reach out like you want to touch what you see. He comes to stop you because he already knows all too well where this could lead, you can't become tempted to break canon and go somewhere else, but you beg him to let you watch just a little longer

"I was supposed to get MARRIED! I was supposed to have a BABY! I was supposed to have a family!! It's not fair!!"

And he's in total agreement with you because, who even fucking knows why your universe suddenly destabilized and vanished. He sees you as this person who has so much promise and potential who had their destiny and future literally snatched away from them and now you're lost and confused on what you're supposed to do, like really he totally understands why you feel so aimless. But watching these holograms is like torturing yourself, and he goes to stop you when you just keep crying because this is basically sending you into a critical mental health episode

"Someone was supposed to fall in love with me... we were supposed to have a baby... would I have been a good mom? Would I have had a boy or a girl? Cant you at least let me find out what my daughter's name would have been?"

And it's like NOOOO you can't hit him with the daughter card, don't you see what you've DONE!!! Gets him right in the heart. Now he's got this massive soft spot for you, bigger than it already was anyways, and he can tell over time you're just really starting to, grieve the future you were supposed to have, falling into a depression. Peter B is hanging around with Mayday like he usually does as both men can tell you're really staring at his baby today and he offers to teach you how to hold her. you're standing there misty eyed twirling one of her little curls around your finger as her dad starts volunteering information to you, "you know she's about XYZ months old now, they aren't really talking yet at this age but they're really curious about their surroundings and--"

Miguel watches as you start talking about children and suddenly get this really really tortured expression and just say "it's not meant to happen" and or some combination of "it's too late for me" and gives him his baby back a little too quickly in typical "I am clearly leaving the room to go cry" fashion. Meanwhile Peter B is like 38 wondering why you think you're out of time or it's not supposed to happen

Miguel's working one day and Peter is trying to shove his phone in his face, "you know I think this is one of the BEST photos of Mayday I've ever taken, she's looking so cute here, you just GOTTA see it" and Pete just won't let up and Miguel finally looks just to humor him because the man is being unusually annoying and, it's a photo of Mayday, duh, but being held by you, and you're clearly looking down at her with watering eyes and the smallest little smile that says "I'll die for you" and Peter is just all 😏 as Miguel is 'suddenly' interested in the photo. "That's a really good photo of MAYDAY, right? 😏 I figured you would like it, that photo of MAYDAY 😏" and Miguel is just grumbling and grouchy bc he sees what this guy is tryna do, but he's still like ".... send it to me later, I'm trying to work right now"

It's even worse if you're a member of his strike force because you're constantly around him, Peter B, and Jess. Miguel just, idly wondering where you are and deciding to walk around a little bit and eventually finds that you're having some sort of conversation with Peter B and Jess and he can tell you look really weepy as the other woman invites you to feel her baby kicking, like, you could not more obviously be developing baby fever, and you ARE around that age, and ESPECIALLY if you live in Nueva York because it's like, YEAH you're still a Spider and YEAH you help the Society with stuff but. Your home universe is gone, your canon is gone, you're kind of. Free as a bird really? But you're also scared because, if someone was destined to love you, does that mean it technically isn't meant to be to fall for anyone else? You can't exactly hook up with people at the Spider Society because of canon or them already having relationships, and you don't exactly have identifying documents if you wanted to try and adopt

I think it'd really reach a stressful breaking point if you and the strike force go to another universe to fight an anomaly and Miguel catches you staring out into the crowd of people you just saved and he sees what youre looking at instantly and his heart sinks. Another you, another normal you, never bitten by a Spider, is standing there with her husband and her little sputtering baby, and he has to all but drag you away as you cry "it's not fair, it's not fair, why does SHE get a normal life!!"

Sidebar for a moment, I think that's probably also one thing that would be so INFURIATING about the doppelganger stealing your life story because THEY have a home universe and YOU don't. They take your life, they take literally everything you have left, your friends, your sense of community, your literal purpose. I've already decided on YTs motivations but could you imagine you finding out YouTwo actually has a decent life and maybe even a husband and kid of their own and you're just furious because they're basically abandoning their duties back home not only as a Spider but as a parent/spouse to steal what YOU have? You can't kill them because it would break their canon and kill like countless people but Miguel and the others would def let you beat the shit out of your evil double and get some of your anger out. Like. Jesus could you imagine Miguel kicks you out thinking you're the fake and after you're gone, YouTwo breaks canon and that's what exposes them, or theyre exposed when they eventually take a trip back home and get caught. The Society's regret, the guilt, the anger, just marinate me with the drama

But anyways back to Being Sad and Babycrazy, you go missing one day and Miguel has to decide what to do when he finally tracks your bracelet and you're back in THAT dimension again. He has to physically track you down using your bracelet's signal because you refuse to answer his messages and you're, in the home of the other you while she takes a brief nap, in the nursery, holding her baby. Miguel quietly climbs through the window and you're in a rocking chair and you've got her hugged to your chest and your eyes are closed and you sense him and, obviously cry because you know you have to leave. Unlike with the holograms he doesn't give you any leeway on this, putting his foot down that this has to end here, this cant go on, this is already so dangerous. And, you're good for him and understand, leaving the baby back in its crib as you and Miguel warp away. You're heartbroken but ultimately understanding when he has to disable your watch's ability to visit that specific dimension again, and you're obviously extremely depressed for a while, having multiple Spiders coming to check in on you as word spreads around that you aren't doing well

I can just see Reader becoming kind of desperate because the only options for a baby you really have left is to either 1. get a serious relationship, which you're scared of because you have to trust that person and who can you even pick, you're nervous about breaking canon or something, or 2. Get some random person to impregnate you so you can run off with the baby

Miguel gets a call from Peter B that you went to a bar and you're EXTREMELY wasted as you try to pick someone, ANYONE up and like, you have admirers for sure but there's enough decent people around to keep the creeps in line, clearly you are in a vulnerable state of mind right now, and Miguel gets to tote your drunken ass back home as you drunkenly word vomit all your feelings to him because, unfortunately for you, he has your trust, and you need comfort right now, and you even ask him about what being a parent was like for him. You encouragingly tell him he shouldn't give up if he still wants kids, you trying to be genuinely nice and not trying to imply anything, blubbering about how he deserves to still be happy and he's still got time, and here's Miguel who's practically tracking your cycles at this point, TOTALLY not going to use anything you say to him while you're piss-drunk against you

Especially if you add ABO into the mix and you have a Miguel who's either Alpha/Omega and is already babycrazy af and he sees you literally fucking YEARNING for it, like. You've got a 6'9" Alpha basically looking at you, his poor lil Omega crush, with the big yandere goo goo eyes and how you need all this love and support and stability and how you're in need of a proper husband and of course he's all too willing to volunteer himself for the job. Even if he's too awkward to come right out to you and say it, he'll be thinking in his head and planning behind your back ways to take care of you, keep you away from any drugs/alcohol (no more smoking weed with metro boomin Spiderman, you've gotta detox your body to have a baby! Also, different concept but, Miguel basically keeping you in a bubble to control all your meals and recreational activities and all of that so he can make sure you're perfectly healthy for a baby)

Don't let this man catch you slipping up! Throw you to the Spider Society and you'll come back pregnant 😭 he sees you so depressed and wanting a baby and it's like well, if your life needs new meaning, he can help literally make one for you 😏 he's been feeling protective and nurturing of you anyways, so, it's an extra benefit for him to think of getting to have both you AND a little baby of your very own ❤️

[asukaskerian]

🌧️☔

☔Is there a fic concept you have that you'd like to just explain and share because you're not sure you'll ever write it? If so, what is it?

... IS there. uh. hm. hmmmmmmm.

you know what, the only bunnies i'm having at the moment that i'm not writing OR gonna write are all SVSSS dramatic reveals, because the canon is PRIMED for diverging-from-canon with all the near misses and the misunderstandings, but i always end up, like, having them kissing in about five minutes and then the narrative tension goes ffthp. they're all very vague and mostly about kissing and crying and crying while kissing.

i've got this one idea that is a little more detailed but i just don't have the spoons for it, where, as sqq self destructs to save lbh, lbh desperately grabs on bodily and mentally. then he ends up in a weird room having a qi deviation and being rescued by... some guy he doesn't know. ensues tense cat and mouse "haha no i'm nobody you know and have no idea why we're stuck here together either" interaction (is this shizun?? it has to be shizun because i was holding onto him but he acts nothing like shizun. is it an amnesiac shizun? previous incarnation?? or is it like a dream demon who stole lbh for nefarious purposes???) and i have NO IDEA how it would end. it's mostly identity porn and emergency dual cultivation and confused cuddles.

🌧️Share something angsty from your WIP.

bloodsport!

"Ichi-nii--"

'Fuck off, Karin,' he swallowed back somehow, strangling fear spiking up past the heat of his rage. She was too close, five steps behind, well in his range, and he couldn't, couldn't, fuck.

"Who was that guy?"

"Aheh, some guy we met on a mission one time! He shot me through several relatively vital organs, very unpleasant. All past now that we're at peace, of course."

Askin was there too, warier, the solid flesh of him and his dense psychic field echoing just behind Karin's more vaporous presence. Ichigo closed his eyes tight, stopped behind an aileron where the ground crew would be less likely to see him, and didn't look at her, didn't look at Askin holding his little sister back.

"Le Varr, come on, he's not gonna--"

"Of course, of course, but give it five minutes, kiddo, yeah?"

"... Ugh. Okay." A moment of silence, bar the farther-off noises of the crew unloading the luggage, as they positioned themselves at the end of the aileron, like sentries, or like warnings for other people Ichigo liked less to keep away. "So... If it's all past, why did he get in your face?"

"Iiii would suspect it's because he might be an asshole," Askin said drolly, mouth pursed. "Just a hunch." 

Ichigo let out a sharp little huff, and resented the man for making him laugh now, when he was still a hair's breadth away from growing all his monster parts.

"Don't tell your dad I said that."

"I'm sixteen and I already know that word and mom's the one who's paying you anyway. So he's like, an asshole above and beyond general war bullshit, then?"

Ichigo breathed, again, and again. Tried not to -- he hadn't been. Grimmjow hadn't been, above-and-beyond, was the thing, had he? Or -- not much. Ichigo hadn't expected an enemy combatant to break him out before he could go through seventy trillions rounds of fucking medical torture or -- 

Breathe. Breathe. He was punching claw holes into the spaceship. His claws weren't going to make it through the first layer of plating but it was the principle of the thing. They needed that spaceship, for going home, if they ever got to go back home one day, if Ichigo ever got to go -- fuck, shit, fuck, why couldn't he calm down, he'd been fine all through the whole dethroning Ywhach thing, why now?

It couldn't be just because of some guy he'd committed the mistake of fucking once. Maybe -- the air in the hangar smelling off, a bothersome magnetic field, whatever. He kept getting so fucking angry --

"Do I have to send the sister away?" Askin mused, voice casual and energy field rippling with readying mind-claws. "Maybe both of them? I'm sure the little contingent of Arrancar bodyguards can--"

"Over my dead body."

"Can play cat and mouse until your inner lizard needs a nap, of course, what did you think I was about to say?"

Ichigo cracked open an eye to glare, knowing that whatever he'd been about to say, it had not been that. He flinched, then, looking at Karin to make sure she hadn't seen -- and Karin was staring back, forcefully casual with her little usual, judgy frown.

"Yeah, yeah, the tryhard black sclera contacts, I'm very scared. You grew like four inches of orange roots there, Ichi-nii, I'm all for the death metal look with the mane and all but the bicolored part looks kinda stupid. Do I gotta get Yuzu's scissors?"

Ichigo couldn't help his grimace, more of a pout than anything, as years of fending off bratty younger sisters finally made it through the wave of bite-bite-tear-bite. "I'm good," he said, and unshouldered his backpack, swinging it around to land at his feet. He hadn't grown any back or shoulder quills through it, very good. The training had held at least that much, then. He hated the back quills, they looked so stupid and never did more than tear up his clothes. Oh, and bristle like a deranged mangy cat whenever he had an Emotion.

"--Oh no, Yuzu's gonna cry, you know she hates it when you use the cheap stuff, come on, Ichi-nii!"

With a defiant look, Ichigo fished out the can of black dye spray and started liberally smothering his hair in the stuff. 

It helped, this ridiculous little thing. Dyeing his hair black had just been about passing for Ishida from afar at first but through the weeks of travel he had gotten used to it, gotten used to not recognizing himself in the mirror at first glance. 

It helped, growing his hair down to his knees for his sisters to play with, then shaving it all to the skull to get the knots out, or whenever it was too hot to sleep. It helped, hacking off any bits that fell wrong, just because it was his body and he didn't have to care about having to look stupid for a month. It helped, letting Mom braid it heavy and tight, holding him back, the tufted end beating against his thighs. Making use of this unwanted ability to change his body at a whim for something silly and safe. 

It helped, looking like a stranger, because at least then it became alright to feel like one.

[luciferloveschloe]

goodbye, lucifer (but not really!)

I cannot BELIEVE that I just watched the last episode of my favourite show.

I usually cram everything I have to in tags under gifsets I reblog, but for this final season I'll go through the pain of actually writing shit down. I'll try to keep it short, and I'll try not to ramble. (Edit: Did not accomplish that.)

what i loved

SCREAMS

God, soooooooo much!!

Deckerstar baby

Okay, so when Rory showed up in the trailer I was like "Ugh, another annoying angel? Meh." FORGIVE ME, my sweet murder child! Of all the things I thought they might do, a Deckerstar baby was DEAD LAST on my list. And a daughter no less, I just... When she says she's Lucifer's daughter, I was like *SCREAMS*, but when we learn she's Lucifer AND Chloe's daughter, I completely lost it. My boyfriend's on a trip with his friends this week and I'm sooo grateful for that, I made the weirdest, loudest, ugliest noises while watching this season, I ran around our apartment like a maniac, I squealed and laughed and cried and just generally lost my mind. But when she says that?? Oh my God. Also the way Lucifer reacted when Chloe shows him the pregnancy test? Straight outta fanfic.

Lucifer being a father

Oh my God?? I've always said he'd be the BEST father, and actually seeing it on screen... I love the parallel of him being ridiculously over the top with Rory at first, just like God and Lucifer in S5. The way he looks at her when he sees her playing the guitar? Their duet?? Instantly one of my favourite scenes. Them driving in the Corvette, their last day together, how he keeps her from killing Le Mec? Just murder me.

Established Deckerstar

All the hugs and kisses?? The declarations of love, the besotted looks, the absolute power couple we got? Their look from Maze and Eve's wedding, OH MY GOD???? Just, these two are so pretty and we got SO MUCH. Also, their scenes with Rory?? I just love them so much...

(More under the cut!)

Ella's storyline

I wanted a reveal for her so badly, and the way it turned out was brilliant! I loved her figuring it out for herself and calling everyone out lmao. I especially loved poor Carol returning to that room full of shocked people. They had some GREAT punchlines and gags this season, absolutely hilarious! I also love Lucifer's parting gift for her and that she finally found a good one with Carol.

Hugs, so many hugs!

That's it, that's the paragraph.

The Police storyline

As a white person who has literally never once had a problem with the police, I know this is not my place to say, but I think they did a good job? Not giving into the "a few bad apples" excuse but acknowledging that the whole system needs to change? I also really enjoyed the scenes with Amenadiel and Officer Harris, showing what policework could and should look like.

Maze and Eve's happily ever after

I'm so glad auntie Maze and auntie Eve got their happy ending! And that wedding was a bomb. Also, "You're my hell!", lmao.

Dan's ascend to heaven

First of, great to know his only torture was Belios' lack of table tennis skills. Secondly, how very fitting for the show that they didn't hand Dan his happy ending easily, that he fought and won it for himself. Him as a ghost and him as Le Mec was equally funny, and his talk with Trixie was just perfect, literally tears you guys.

Amenadiel becoming God

I mean, dude's perfect for the job! From the loyal, distant, obeying servant to a God who wants to work as a team with his siblings, who wants the Celestials to experience the human world, who hates injustice and loves fiercely? In this universe, I couldn't imagine anyone better suited to be God.

Nobody misses the case of the week

At least I don't! God, I wish they'd tried this out sooner.

The bittersweet ending

Let's preface this by saying I HATE bittersweet endings. Give me a happily ever after or else. And yet, and yet!! I think the ending they settled on is perfect. Would I have loved it if Lucifer had a life on earth with Chloe, Trixie and Rory? God, yes. Do I get emotional over him being alone in hell, again? Goddd, yes. But still. I so love that he found his calling in the end, that they reunited, and that he actually makes good on his promise from S5 to change the system. Also, I don't care if this is canon or fanon for now, but they totally spend time in heaven with Rory and visit earth whenever they like. And this would have been my ideal ending - them being free to go where they like, and I don't see why they shoudn't. It's definitely more satisfying than just traipsing off to heaven indefinitely, so I really, really loved that.

what i didn't (do feel free to skip this!)

Lucifer missing out on Chloe's life on earth and being alone in hell again. Chloe being left again.

Time travel shenanigans. I just finished Dark and that was enough of a mindfuck. Do not want to think about loops for this show, thank you very much.

Chloe felt a little too housewifey in the first episodes, but it thankfully didn't stay that way for long.

Lucifer and Chloe talking about keeping secrets for a whole episode, and then NOBODY TALKING ABOUT URIEL AND CANDY. I mean, ahhhhhhh! If you don't want to talk about it, then don't, but don't remind people of it constantly and then NOT discuss it. It drives me mad, honestly, how many times they referenced these storylines only to completely ignore them when there were opportunities to resolve them. Ahhh. That's what fic is for, I guess.

Adam. Like, why? Bye, dude.

what i'll keep with me

When someone I'd just met at my boyfriend's cousin's wedding in 2019 recommended this "funny, little show" to me that intrigued them because they were interested in finding their faith, I really didn't think I'd write all this three years later.

Lucifer is my third fandom, and it won't be my last, but it sure as hell - ha - will stay with me. I resonate so deeply with Lucifer as a character because he fights with the idea of God, fights with this concept of a benevolent father that everyone seems to believe in but never fit his experience. I come from a Christian family and studied theology, but somewhere along the lines I had to come to terms with the fact that the faith I had as a child and teenager didn't fit me anymore. I want to believe again, and maybe someday I will, but right now I don't know that. So Lucifer's journey with that meant a lot to me. I'd like to find what Ella did, I guess.

Although I never really thought Lucifer needed redemption, I loved the whole "anybody can be redeemed" message as well. And hell reform! Hell is such a weird, awful construct - speaking as the theology expert - bringing a bit of purgatory in in this universe is really fucking cool.

Also, I binged Lucifer when I was alone in hospital late at night. That experience alone I'll never forget.

So, I guess - thank you!! Thank you to the cast and crew, to the fans who campaigned for season four, to Ildy and Joe, to the writers and the directors and the people who brought lunch: Thank you so much for this incredible show. I'm not ready to say goodbye, not by a long shot, and I hope this fandom feels the same.

Yabba dabba do me, I love my stupid little show!!!

[winterscaptain]

a kindness.

Aaron Hotchner x Gender Neutral Reader a joyful future fic

a/n: it is loving megan kane hours!! i’ve been working on this one for a while and i am so excited to share it with you!! we have ajf!pleasure is my business at last! as always, tell me what you think!! i adore your feedback. also, if you’re thinking ‘what the hell, tali! why am i missing from the tag list?????’ it’s because i redid it! the link to the form is below.

words: 4.8k warnings: language, canon-typical death, canon-typical discussion of sex work

summary: “i believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.” ― steve martin. au!february 2009

a joyful future masterlist | ajf faq | taglist | what do you want to see next?

You rap twice on the office door before pushing it open with your fingertips, peering inside while ready to retreat at a moment’s notice.

There’s no need. Aaron’s alone. 

“You’re here early,” he says, his eyes still on his paperwork. 

You snort. “So are you.” 

He looks at you over his nose. “Can I help you with something?”

Sitting down opposite him at his desk, you prop your chin on your hands and grin at him. “You stole my line.” 

“Get out of my office.” 

Your smile stays plastered on your face as you stand and cross the room, closing the door behind you. On your way out, you catch the ghost of his smile. 

+++

You watch Hotch leave the bullpen, his go-bag slung over his shoulder. 

“Where you headed?” You ask, looking up. You’re still the only one in the bullpen, taking a few consults off your teammates’ hands by typing up quick briefs they can review without going through every single comma in the file. 

He sighs. “Dallas.”

Yikes. 

“By yourself?”

He sighs. “Standby - not sure what’s going on yet. Can you -” He gestures to the hallway behind you.  

You nod and stand. “Yeah. Fly safe.” 

After you watch him leave, you turn and make a beeline for JJ’s office. She’s here early, too - pushing away the separation anxiety by diving into work. 

“Jayje?” 

She looks away from her computer, looking exhausted. “Yeah?” 

“Hotch just left for Dallas - we might have a case there, but it didn’t sound like something that would come across your desk.” 

She squints. “Why d’you say that?” 

“He had that look on his face like he was going into a room full of lawyers.” 

+++

You lean forward, jamming yourself into the circle around the table with the rest of your team. Hotch, on the other end of the line, sounds oddly well-rested. 

Spencer, as usual, gives you the history and textbook briefing before you get to the actual case. “Female serial killers are a fascinating field. We don't have much information on them, but what we do know involves throwing the rules completely out the window. Signature, for instance. They don't torture or take trophies.” 

“Because there’s no sexual gratification when a woman kills,” Derek adds. 

Looks like we’re all getting in on the pre-brief today. 

“Exactly. Murder is the goal. They don't have to do anything extra.” 

That makes you laugh a little. “So, basically, women are more efficient at killing?” 

Spencer shrugs. “Historically, they’ve had body counts in the hundreds.” 

Hotch, of course, is the one to get you all back on track. “So, assuming that the job is the stressor, what are some of the reasons prostitutes kill their customers?”

Derek, of course, is the first to follow. “Money, drugs, post-traumatic stress disorder…”

The team bounces for a moment, covering previous cases of serial killers with a history of sex work. Emily brings up Allison Wuornos, but Aaron shuts it down. He thinks this killer is organized, not so much driven by trauma or need but the mission itself. 

Spencer looks at the medical examiner’s reports again, comparing notes between the victims. “She’s using tetra-methylene-disulfotetramine.” 

You don’t look up from the same report. “Bless you.” 

Emily snorts. 

Spencer continues, unperturbed. “It’s a popular rat poison in China - easily soluble in alcohol.” 

“Poison is the perfect M.O.,” Dave notes. “Quiet, quick, and the victims never see it coming because they think they’re getting lucky.” He turns back toward the phone. “Does that mean something to you?” 

“Well, at $10,000 a night, these men are paying for discretion as well as sex.” 

Fair point.

“She has a history with them. They see her repeatedly.” 

You look over at Dave, trying to find the thread that connects Aaron’s thought to his.

Before you can really get to it yourself, Aaron spells it out for you. “She didn't decide to kill them in the moment. She walks in with the intent to kill them and she's doing it before she sleeps with them.” 

There we go. 

“So she's not just organized,” you add. “She's also methodical. Could she be parsing out which clients are worth killing and which aren’t?” 

“Maybe the victims all share the same fetish?” Emily offers. 

Derek shrugs, his eyebrows raised in thoughtful agreement. “Both victims were in their fifties, highly visible. Careful about their image. I mean, if they were kinky in the same way, they'd go to great lengths to hide it.” 

“And we're facing a corporate culture that'll do everything it can to keep us out.”

There’s the exhaustion I’m used to from Hotch. 

He sounds weird without it. 

“Actually,” JJ says, “I had some luck there. Hoyt Ashford's wife isn't too happy with how he died. But because every silver lining has a dark cloud, the hedge fund released a statement.” 

JJ pulls the statement from her file and reads aloud: “Ashford died peacefully in his home, according to lawyer David Madison.” She puts it down again. “They're already trying to close ranks.” 

Spencer frowns. “Does that language sound familiar to anyone else?” 

“What do you mean?” You ask. 

“The press release from the first victim.” He recalls, not needing the paper itself. “‘According to company lawyer, Stanton died peacefully in his home.’” 

Hotch begins to make assignments, directing Emily and Derek to the wife of the second victim. JJ’s tasked with the lawyers and you’re tasked with setup at the precinct with Spencer and Dave. When he’s done, you pick your phone up from the table, taking him off speaker. 

“What are you gonna do?” You ask.

Hotch snorts. “I’m gonna see which of the lawyers calls us back and in the meantime, see what I can get out of anyone else.” 

“Good luck.” 

+++

You’re up in your hotel room, getting a little bit settled and unpacked when you get a call to your cell. 

“Hey, Hotch.” 

There’s a sigh. “We got another body.” 

“I’ll meet you downstairs in five.” 

+++

You hop out of the car, following Aaron through the service entrance and up the back hallways to the lobby. Between your travel from your room and Aaron’s wrap-up in his, Derek and Dave beat you to the scene. 

Hotch is wearing that coat - your favorite, the one he’s apparently had for years - with the red lining and the soft wool exterior. It so rarely sees the field anymore you were afraid he’d done away with it, but every time you remember it exists and worry about its whereabouts, he brings it out again. 

Derek hands you a notebook when you reach him. You settle near Dave for the rest of the info. He, of course, delivers. 

“Victim was Joseph Fielding. He was the CFO here.” 

You frown. “Poisoned? Like the others?” 

“And staged,” Derek says. “She killed him in his office and then rolled him out here to be found.” 

“The lipstick's new,” you muse, circling the body in the elevator. “Done postmortem, it looks like.” You find Derek’s eyes with a little frown. “Reid said female serial killers don't leave a signature. I think she did that just for us. She's already exposed him at his most vulnerable.”

He hums. “Now she wants to be noticed.”

There’s some kind of scuffle at the police line - another man in a suit who thinks he’s more important than God. 

Hopefully he’s looking for Hotch. 

“Which one of you is Aaron Hotchner?” 

Ugh. Good. 

You step back and point at Aaron, getting out of his way as he shoves past the crime scene techs. 

Aaron turns. “I'm Hotchner.” 

“Larry Bartlett.” The man holds out his hand, but Aaron doesn’t take it. He retracts his hand with an unperturbed tilt of his head. “I represent Mr. Fielding in Webster Industries. 

Hotch, as usual, has no time for his bullshit. “This is a closed crime scene, Mr. Bartlett.” 

My lawyer could kick your lawyer’s ass. 

That’s a good bumper sticker. 

You shake off your thought and return to the victim, directing one of the younger crime scene techs. After a moment, you return to Derek’s side. 

“Yes. I spoke to Ellen Daniels.” This clown still sounds far too confident for his own good. “She said you're a very... reasonable man.” 

“Escort him out, please.”

You stifle a laugh. 

“No, wait. Please.” The lawyer - Mr. Bartlett - shrugs off the security team and chases after Hotch on his way to your side.  

Aaron stops, but looks inconvenienced in the extreme. 

“The press is outside and they can smell blood. Any way we can handle this discreetly?” 

“We're not about to lie for you.” Derek’s even less amused than Aaron, if that’s even possible. 

Aaron squints at the other lawyer, and you find it nearly impossible to tear your gaze from the little pinch at the corners of his brown eyes. 

You can only imagine him behind a prosecutor’s bench, laying into witnesses with the same deadpan amusement - like a bored cat with a half-dead mouse. Hoping to back him up a little bit, you get a little closer, looking skeptically at the lawyer from over Aaron’s shoulder. 

“You don't have to lie,” Mr. Bartlett insists, his eyes flickering to you. “Just don't comment.” 

“Excuse us.” He takes you by the shoulder and leads the three of you into a huddle. 

“Is there any reason to go public yet?” Aaron asks. 

Dave wavers. “Validating her is exactly what she wants.”

“If we hold back, she's more likely to make a mistake,” Derek says. 

You raise your eyebrows, looking over your shoulder for a moment. “He doesn't need to know that.” 

Hotch’s mouth twitches, and you know it’s almost a smile. He turns over his shoulder, back in game mode as he approaches Bartlett again. “We need everything you have on Fielding. Bank accounts, tax records, emails, everything.” 

+++

“Eighteen cars, six houses, and three boats.” Spencer rattles off the numbers with only the barest hint of shock in his voice. 

Your brow pinches and you look up. “Can you even boat in Dallas?” 

“You know, when you're talking about that much money, ten grand for a call girl is like deciding where to go for dinner.” 

“You sound like you’re speaking from experience, Em,” you laugh. 

She rolls her eyes, still pinning photos to the board. “Yeah, right. My mom had a pretty cushy gig with her postings, but we were never that well-off. But...” She looks over her shoulder, “I’m sure Rossi would know a little something about that.”  

Before you can all get too out of control, Hotch reaches over you to connect to Garcia on the speakerphone. “Are you there, Garcia?” 

“Affirmative.” 

JJ flags him down. “I have half a million over here for something called the Bat Cave...” 

It really takes everything in you not to laugh. 

“...and here's a picture of him as fetish Batman. That is… wrong.” 

Emily pulls a face. 

“Is there anything this guy didn't like to spend money on?” Spencer asks.  

“Yeah,” Aaron replies. “His ex-wives. Fielding was married four times. He didn't have prenups for the first two, but he did everything he could to cut them off anyway.” 

You lean forward, trying to see the paper in his hands. “Are there children involved?” 

“Yes, with three of the wives.” He hands it over to you and looks at Emily. “Hoyt Ashford was married a few times, too, wasn't he?” 

She nods in the affirmative. 

“You know, considering that when Kevin takes me to dinner and a movie, he defaults on his student loans, this amount of money is sick.” 

Tell me about it, Pen. 

Emily sounds resigned. “What did you find?” 

Garcia outlines a series of bitter court battles about child support, alimony, custody, etc. “And even when the court ruled in the wife’s favor - which was almost always - these three charmers just, you know, decided not to pay.” 

Hotch asks for a cross-checked list of high-profile Dallas CEOs holding out on their ex-wives, and you figure it’s not a short one. 

“One loaded losers list, Dallas edition, comin' at ya. Penelope out.” 

The line goes dead and Aaron turns off the speaker.  

“So,” Aaron leans heavily on the table. “Why would a prominent businessman who could easily pay child support refuse to?” 

Spencer obliges. “For this type of overachieving personality, paying money after the marriage ends probably offends him.” 

“They're spending tens of thousands on an escort, but they won't drop a dime on their wife and kids? That's cold.” JJ shakes her head and looks over at Hotch, seeking an answer. 

“Narcissistic, self-absorbed, a pathological avoidance of paternal responsibilities.” 

There’s an odd kind of look that passes over Aaron’s face as he speaks, and you pin it for later. You can already tell he’s falling into a headspace that’s fraught with comparison and self-loathing. 

They bounce around for a moment while you keep your eyes on Aaron. 

“Well,” JJ brings you back. “Should I assemble the police for a profile?” 

Your mouth twists. “I just don't think it's gonna help.”

“She lives in a completely different world than they do,” Aaron adds. 

“And,” Emily pipes up, “the CEOs who sleep with her won't admit to it.” 

JJ snorts. “Like I couldn't even get past the team of lawyers protecting them.” 

“What if we give the profile to the corporate lawyers?” Aaron stands straight, his hands resting on his hips. “They've cleaned up after her, even if they don't realize that they've seen this woman.” 

“Why would they go for that?” You ask. 

“Because she's putting them at risk, too.”

Your phone rings and you answer as you always do, chirping your last name into the receiver without really looking too closely at the caller ID. 

“Hey, it’s me.”

You nod once to your team as you step out of earshot. “Hey, Haley.”

“I can’t get a hold of Aaron. Is everything alright?” She’s beyond surprise or concern at this point. You’re sure you could tell her Aaron’s been shot in the head and she’d probably just hum at you. 

“Yeah,” you say with a sigh. “Things are crazy and there are lawyers all wrapped up in this. Are you alright?”

“Jack’s got a fever - I just wanted to let Aaron know I’m taking him in to get checked out. I’ll keep you posted.”

“Okay, thanks. I’ll let him know. Give Jack a big kiss from me and I’ll do my best to get us all home quickly and in one piece.” 

She laughs a little into the phone. “Thanks. Will do. Talk soon.” 

You hang up and return to the table, shooting Hotch a significant look. He nods and pulls you aside. 

“What’s up?” 

“Jack has a fever - Haley just wanted me to let you know she’s taking him to the pediatrician to get him all checked out, just in case. I told her we’d all do our best to get home soon.” 

Aaron sighs and flips his phone in his hand. “I’ll call her now…”

“No need. She knows this is a tough one and you’re getting your money’s worth out of your JD this week.” 

When he starts to walk away, you call his name again. He turns. 

“You know - um.” You wet your lips and swallow. “You’re not like these guys. You know that, right? You’re a great dad.” 

His face lifts in surprise for a fraction of a second before he recovers. 

“Thank you,” He says. “Really.”

You offer him a crooked smile. “Anytime.”

+++

Hotch stops you all before you enter the conference room, full to the brim with suits and pantsuits. “Let me lead on this one. I’ve handled corporate lawyers like this before and they can smell blood.” He snorts. “This time, it’s their own.” 

You and Derek raise your hands in simultaneous and identical postures of surrender. 

“Have at it,” you say, falling into line behind Aaron. “Corporate lawyers scare the fuck out of me.” 

+++

“Hey, Prentiss. Got a whip?” Derek holds the leather outfit to Emily’s shoulders and she laughs. 

“Yeah, right.” 

You fondly roll your eyes at them and continue following off Aaron’s right shoulder. The two of you reach the bookshelf - an impressive glass case that runs from the floor to the ceiling. 

 Aaron’s gloved finger opens the case and runs over some of the spines. “Antique first editions on the bookshelves.” 

Rossi quips something about porn in the DVD player while Spencer espouses about the merits of a disposable, adaptable lifestyle in this line of work. 

“Well, these aren't just for show,” Aaron says. “The spines are cracked. Somebody's read these.” 

You peer over his shoulder. “Who reads Voltaire in French?” 

“Someone with good taste. Probably well-educated…”

You pick up where he trails off. “We profiled that she learned to fake privilege. What if she's not faking it?” 

“You're saying maybe she came from money the whole time?” 

You shrug. “It’s a possibility, at least.” 

Just then, the apartment phone rings. 

“Prentiss should answer,” Aaron says. “If it's a customer, she'll get more information out of them.” 

You hum, hedging your bets a little. ‘Unless she's calling in for her messages.” 

Too late. Derek’s already on the phone with Penelope. “Yeah, Baby Girl, we're getting a call to this line. Can you work some magic?” 

“I don't have a trap-and-trace in place yet. Give me a few. I'm gonna stay on the line.” 

Aaron gives her the go-ahead. “Prentiss, get ready to vamp.” 

The voicemail picks it up before Emily can so much as reach for the phone. 

“Hi, it's me. You know what to do.” Beep. 

“...Aaron.” 

You turn your head so fast you throw your neck out. You raise a hand to the crick and work it with your fingers. Aaron’s too busy frowning at the phone to notice. 

“I know you're up there. Pick up… Aaron Hotchner... Hello?” She drags out her words, almost flirting with everyone listening. 

With a sigh, Aaron pushes past the rest of you, silently counts to three, and picks up the phone while Emily clicks the speakerphone button. 

“I'm at a disadvantage. You seem to know my name, But I don't know yours. Can we start there?” 

Nice start. 

The game has begun. 

“I thought I could trust you, Aaron.”

What? 

The pinch between his brows deepens. “Who says you can't?” 

“I want to. I even looked you up online. Is that strange?”

Yes.  

“No.” Aaron wets his lips and begins to pace, the gears whirring in his head. “It's flattering to be noticed by a woman like you.” 

The woman continues as if he hasn’t said anything at all. “And I thought you were so... upstanding. I watched the presentation you gave on school shootings. I found it posted on YouTube...” 

She has good taste. That’s an excellent presentation. 

“...And for a moment, I actually thought there were still good people in the world.” 

“But I've disappointed you, haven't I?” He asks. “Just like all the other men in your life Who've walked out on their families, Who deserve to be punished.” 

“Did you walk out on your family?” 

His eyes flicker to you and you nod, nearly imperceptibly, reminding him he’s not alone. “No. My wife left me.” 

“Do you have kids?” 

“I have a son.” 

A sweet, thoughtful, perfect son. 

You smile a little, thinking of Jack, but it disappears when you remember that he’s home sick with Haley, probably having a miserable time. 

“How often do you see him?” She asks. 

 “I try to see him every week.” 

“Do you see him every week?” The question is mocking, smothered in dark amusement that could almost be called sarcasm save for its bitterness.  

“No,” Aaron’s eyes fall to the floor. “No, I don't get there as often as I want.” 

“I believe you.” Her response is softer, and you think she might make a decent profiler if she wasn’t on the other side. 

She is a profiler. 

In some ways, you suppose it’s true. She has to read and respond to everything her clients do, say, how they behave. It makes her good at her job and you good at yours. 

Same skillset, very different application. 

“But don't compare yourself to the men I see,” she continues. “You are nothing like them. You're just another whore.” 

Never in my life did I ever think I’d hear someone call Aaron Hotchner a whore. Unironically. 

That catches everyone’s attention, even Derek’s, still on hold with Penelope. 

“How am I a whore?” He asks. 

“You come when called. You do their bidding. In hotels you take the side elevator to avoid crowds, while the men who pay your salary walk across the ivory marble foyer into their cars.” 

Derek, behind you, presses. “Garcia.” 

You can hear her, faintly. “I'm in on the landline. Triangulating the cell. Give me like sixty seconds.” 

You gesture to Aaron when he looks. Keep going. 

He nods. “But I'm just frustrating you, aren't I?” 

She sighs, sounding a little impatient for the first time. “What do you mean?” 

“Well, you want to show the world all these bad men and my investigation's just getting in your way.” 

“No, Aaron.” You almost startle, her tone escalating to a deeply frustrated shout. “You're not doing your job! You don't want to arrest me, you don't want me in custody because you're in their pocket.” 

She’s crying now, actively. “You just want me to disappear, just like they do.” 

“Truthfully, I'm only interested in finding you.” 

Now that’s a tone you recognize - you’ve heard it when he talks to Haley. Most recently, when he couldn’t make it to some appointment or another. It’s one that’s disarming in the extreme, soft, but not condescending. 

“You've been betrayed so many times, You don't know who to trust, And that's why that first murder felt so good. But each one since has been less and less satisfying. You know that's going to continue.” He pauses, letting his words sink in. “Am I right?” 

Just like Haley always does, the woman loses steam, sniffling once before answering. “Yeah.”

“Come to me and turn yourself in. I will make sure that you get the help you need. I won't let you disappear.” 

“If we met under different circumstances... I could believe that. I won't let you cover this up.” 

A gunshot rings through the line and you flinch, turning to Derek just as the line goes dead. You know Penelope will have something for you soon. 

She never fails, directing you to an address only moments after the elevator doors close in front of the team. 

+++

Once you found Megan Kane, it was easy enough to find her father. 

You could empathize with her mission well enough after meeting him. He’s shrouded by his lawyers - detached and seemingly indifferent to anything Aaron had to say. 

Aaron starts the car and you settle back into the seat. “So, the wall of lawyers strikes again.” 

A shadow of a smile ghosts around the creases at the corners of his eyes. “So it seems.” 

“What’s next?” 

“We tail him - home and office. He’ll meet with her soon enough.” 

Your brow furrows. “Not to protect her, right? It doesn’t seem like he cares that much.” 

Aaron turns, placing his hand on the back of your seat as he pulls out of the parking spot. You’re momentarily distracted as he turns back, spinning the wheel with the heel of his hand and gunning it out of the garage. 

Focus. 

“No,” he says. “Think about it.” 

It comes to you only seconds later. “To protect himself.” 

“There you go.” He turns to you, another little smile threatening. “You’re getting pretty good at this.” 

You roll your eyes. “I’ve been here over a year, Hotch. I’d fucking hope so.” 

You’re rewarded with a real smile, and it’s enough. 

+++

You take Derek’s six through the hotel, clearing the floors and reporting back to the rest of the team. SWAT is in full deployment, clearing the hard-to-reach areas like the stairways and rooftops, just in case. 

Aaron catches up to you, taking the four o’clock position off your left shoulder as Derek breaches the door. 

The gun and chilled champagne sit like ironic centerpieces on the entry table, but they hardly use any of your bandwidth as you clear the room, your vision narrowed by the sight of your service weapon. 

You hold a hand up when you catch the figure on the balcony. “Hotch.” 

He squints, and you move to raise your gun again and make the arrest, but he stops you with a hand over yours. “Easy.” 

There’s a question in your eyes. 

He, of course, answers it. “She knows it’s over.” 

Just then, she places an empty champagne glass on the table where you can see it. 

“I’ll call 911,” Derek says, stepping out and closing the door behind him. 

You turn to leave with Derek, but catch Aaron’s open hand, subtly signaling you from just under his hip.  

Stay here. It says. Stay close. 

So, you stay. You lean on the far wall of the hotel room, watching Aaron hold the hand of this dying, hurting woman. They’re speaking softly, and she smiles at him when she drops something into his hand. His eyes are soft, gentle, not even searching. Just warm. 

You feel for her. 

It’s the best way to go, you think. If there was ever a time you were dying before your time, you’d want Aaron there, holding your hand, telling you he was going to continue the work that killed you, that it was gonna be okay. 

“How could your wife have ever left someone like you?” You hear her ask. 

As much as you love Haley, the same question often floats through your head, and your heart aches for this woman who’s been able to see Aaron so clearly, even if she’s only seeing him for the first time now. 

“You’re the first man I’ve ever met who hasn’t let me down.” 

You creep forward, further into Aaron’s eyeline, and sit on the edge of the couch. She’s close to her last breath and you can feel it - so can Aaron. His eyes flicker to you for a moment before returning to her. 

Megan’s voice is full of tears when she asks, “Will you stay with me?” 

You have a feeling it isn’t the first time she’s asked the question and you find yourself hoping Emily will be particularly rough with the handcuffs when she apprehends Mr. Kane. Hopefully he didn’t make it past the checkpoint and is still on-site.  

“Yes.” Aaron is solemn, so sincere, so genuine it makes your heart ache. 

“Promise?” 

“I promise.” 

You’re not even sure he realizes it, but he’s doing her a great kindness - one that many would not offer. 

It’s because he is good.

A good man. 

The tension drains out of her, and she grips tightly to Aaron’s hand as she fights through her final breaths. His hands are gentle, his attention only on her. He looks more like a father in this moment than any other time you’ve known him. She’s safe. She knows she can die in peace. 

Once more, you hope you have the opportunity to leave this plane of reality in such safety, when your time comes. 

When she’s gone, he places her hand in her lap and takes a moment to brush the hair off of her face, pressing the back of his fingers to her temple as if checking her for fever. 

After a minute or so, he turns to you, and you hope the pride and respect coursing through you is evident in your gaze. You pull an evidence bag out of your pocket, but he shakes his head, pocketing the SIM card. 

You rise as he gets closer, returning the evidence bag to your pocket. He’s clearly affected, tears threatening at the corners of his eyes. 

Opening your arms to him, he wilts into you, allowing you to gather him into your shoulder. His arms are loose around your waist, his fingers wrapped around his opposite wrist as an anchor. It’s a rare moment of vulnerability and you’d hate to make him feel anything less than safe. 

You still have a minute or so before they all come stomping through the door to collect Megan’s body. 

“I’m sorry, Hotch.” 

He shrugs. “I don’t know why this one hurts.”

Your arms tighten around him. “It’s okay. I feel it, too.” 

A deep, shaky breath rolls through him. 

“She’s right, you know.” You almost regret your words, afraid you’re giving yourself away. 

“What?”

“You didn’t let her down. You’re a good man.” 

His jaw tightens, and you can feel it against your neck where his head falls into your shoulder. 

“Oh, stop. You’ve never let me down.” Your hand reaches up, stroking the back of his head, carding your fingers through the hair. “She died knowing you kept your promise.” 

+++

You look up to Aaron’s office when news of the leak breaks, finding his silhouette haunting the window, staring at the television. 

A ghost of a smile crosses his face, and he turns back to his desk, settling back down to work. 

+++

tagging:  @aaronhotchnerr @ambicaos @angelsbabey @arganfics @averyhotchner @bwbatta @capricorngf @cevanswhre @crazyshannonigans @criminalsmarts @deagibs @forgottenword @genevievedarcygrangerwriting @hotchsflower @hotchslatte @hurricanejjareau @joanofarkansass @kelstark @kerrswriting @little-blue-fishie @lotties-journey-abroad @mandylove1000 @missdowntonabbey @mrs-dr-reid @pan-pride-12 @popped-weasels @quillvine @qvid-pro-qvo @reidingmelodies @reids-mismatchedsocks @roses-and-grasses @shesbiochem4 @ssahotchnerr @ssaic-jareau @ssareidbby @starsandasteroids @stxrrywildflower @sunflowersandotherthings @sunshine-em @teamhappyme @this-broken-band-girl @ughitsbaby @unicorn-bitch @venusbarnes @violet-amxthyst @word-scribbless @writefasttalkevenfaster @zizzlekwum @iconicc @avatarkorraswife @mooneylupinblack @ssworldofsw @nuvoleincielo @kaemarie23 @violentvulgarvolatile @abschaffer2 @ellyhotchner @rousethemouse @baumarvel @reidtomestyles @dreamsonthewall @jhiddles03 @willlemonheadsupremacy @infinity1321 @messyhairday-me

[narukoibito]

Fic Recs: Angst

Sure thing, Anon! Glad you are enjoying my lists! Though a lot of my recs in general are angsty, so many of these will be repeats from other lists, but I decided not to re-rec every angsty story since that would be too much. Everything I’ve rec’ed before is indented in case you are only looking for new stories. Saddle up, this is a long one. Enjoy!

Anything with * is a WIP.

Canon-Compliant

Realising by @floreatcastellumposts

Missed Moment: Harry realizes he loves Ginny. It’s so painful and heartbreaking. Note that I also list a bunch of other favorite MM by Flo in my All-Time Favorites List though not all are angsty.

22 by @floreatcastellumposts​

Harry realizes he has outlived his parents.

the train station by @ink-splotch​

An absolutely chilling story of Ginny’s near-death experience in the Chamber of Secrets. The writing, like most of dirgewithoutmusic’s work is riveting. This is Ginny-centric rather than Hinny/Harry-centric.

Post-War Canon

gone was any trace of you by @annerbhp​

Amnesia, Married: Again, one of my all-time favorites because I can’t not rec this for angst. Harry loses his memories. Counting this as post-war canon since there’s nothing in this that contradicts it being part of canon.

i just really need you here right now by @annerbhp

Harry and Ginny, like all couples, have things they need to work on. That doesn’t mean they give up.

as the morning steals upon the night by @could-have-beens

My favorite canon reuniting after the battle story.

Chambers by starfishstar

After the war, everything isn’t okay, but maybe eventually it can be. A Ginny-centric post-war story.

Ghost of You by blacktag189

An incredibly angsty story of Ginny suffering from mental health issues after the war and how she comes to recover (with a lot of challenges to her and Harry’s relationship along the way). The author does a good job depicting mental health issues and long-distance relationship challenges. 

A Life Closed Twice Before Its Close by tosca

Halloween comes around again, and Harry can’t shake a feeling of unease. I loved how tosca depicts an established Harry/Ginny in this story.

will you stay by NaruKoibito (me)

“So? What was the verdict? Any Veelas?” Harry and Ginny after the war.

Next Gen

Between Walls and Harvest Moons by @ellizablue​

During Albus’s third year in Cursed Child timeframe. It’s heavily focused on the Al’s disconnect with his parents. Ginny pays him a visit. There are heartbreaking moments of Harry angsting over his relationship with Al, but I have such a soft spot for Ginny & Al stories, and this one hit all of them.

Put Your Curse In Reverse by @ellizablue​

The second part of the amazing It’s Tea Time* series. It is not heavily Harry/Ginny focused, but there is a lot of angst, great Hinny marriage moments, an epic moment where Harry encounters a Boggart that ripped my heart out, and much, much more.

Alternate Universe

The Changeling and Armistice Series* by @annerbhp  

You all must know by now that this is my all-time favorite story, but if you need an angst rec, this is it, my friends. There’s angst everywhere, really, but in my head we do everything right has some of my favorite angst ever.

Keeping Even the Broken Promises* by Summer Potter

Amnesia, Harry/Other is a part of this story: Four years after Harry wakes up with no memory, he begins a journey to discover what he left behind and the promises he inadvertently broke. 

you will bleed to death from the pain of it by lullabyknell 

Soulmark: This painful, amazing story inverts the trope in the best way. 

take what i took and give it back to you by fairytiger

Soulmark: Harry decides to breakup with his soulmate.

The World I Leave Behind by NES85

What if Voldemort hadn’t killed Harry in the forest but everyone thought he had? He traps Harry in the Chamber of Secrets – but what happens when Harry escapes? Oh Harry being Harry in this and his scenes with Ginny definitely are gut-wrenching.

Unravel Me* by NaruKoibito (me)

FWB: My canon-divergence story where Harry and Ginny never got together in HBP. After a drunken night, these two angsty idiots wind up in a friends-with-benefits relationship full of agonizing mutual pining.

Angst-Without-A-Happy-Ending

Okay. Okay. Sometimes I dabble in the dark arts. Sometimes I read stories of such pure, unadulterated angst, just to cry my heart out. 

Warning: There are several stories below that contain a major character death. I oscillated between marking them or not, but some of them it’s better that you’re not spoiled. So...you’ve been warned that at least these stories below do not clearly end with Harry and Ginny together. Nothing but PAIN ahead! 

Without Love by @captainyellowsturm

Every time I read this, I cry. Every time. It’s such sweet, torturous angst. (No, seriously, I really go to reread this when I want to cry.)

Perpendicular by akissincrisis

AU Harry never goes to Hogwarts. This story. THIS story. Ugh, it packs such a punch. Harry never attends Hogwarts, but meets Ginny through a Muggle party. It’s beautiful, so full of hope and possibilities, the what-ifs, the why, whyyyyyyy... I forever wonder why at the ending. But I love this story (even if I imagine a happy ending).

When the Timer Pings by Alchemilla

I read this story 10+ years ago and it still gets me every time. Ginny is about to get married and runs into her ex-boyfriend, Harry. She’s hoping for closure, but is that what she finds?

Lacking by pinkdigi

If Ginny didn’t wait for Harry. Ugh, so painful. I love the author’s style, the hardness of their Harry and Ginny. My heart breaks and breaks, yet I keep coming back.

Couldn’t Keep Him There by Mad Maudlin

Ginny finds Harry after the war. The mood and tone of this really gets to me. This one moment where she puts a wrapper in his hand kills me every time.

Wednesday Dates by fizzmonkeys

I’m not sure whether this is just angst or angst without a happy ending, so to be safe, I’m putting it here. I loved this story so much that I printed and saved it from 10+ years ago.

–––

Want more recommendations? Send me an ask or check out my:

All-time Favorite recs

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[sapphic-sasuke]

i just binged ur meta and this one on danzo is where i hoped the story would go after the pain arc when i first watched shippuden...

hope u don’t mind if i ramble here...i think naruto as a series kind of tried to have its cake and eat it too? like we get these hard moral conundrums (pain asking naruto what he thinks will bring peace) and also these cookie cutter talk-no-jutsu moments about conquering hAtReD which is so frustrating...it just had so much potential (guess that’s why i’m still bitter about it so many years after i first watched it lol) and whenever the main cast is presented with ideological conflict it’s just half-assedly resolved (hyuuga subplot grr)

out of curiousity, do u have any thoughts on how the shinobi system could actually be reformed? I haven’t read boruto but from the small bit i’ve absorbed through tumblr, naruto’s way didn’t work out at all. and what do you think of nagato’s magic nuke idea? whenever i think back to naruto now somehow nagato seems like the most reasonable dude, magic nukes are at least a bit more realistic than whatever madara and obito’s plan was.

okay one more thing do you have any fic recs for a sasuke who actually goes on to start revolution? and the system gets criticised and broken down? i’m forever salty that the vague arc that was forming where suigetsu and sasuke were wandering to different orochimaru bases and freeing the experiments didn’t lead to something more concrete. (i hope i’m remembering this right, it’s been like six years since i watched that part so >_<)

(sorry if this is choppy and disjointed, goddamn tumblr crashed just when i was gonna send the ask so i tried to reconstruct it from memory ugh)

((i was gonna end it here but i stumbled upon an itachi appreciation post rn so naturally i have to get a rant out of my system...people really try to glorify child soldier itachi committing genocide on his own family on the orders of his corrupt military dictator leaders lol. btw what is ur itachi characterisation? we see so little of him that’s not an “act” or from sasuke’s eyes, getting a handle on him is so hard.))

damn this ask got long...sorry for spamming ur inbox 🥺 have a good day!

hello! and thank you! im happy my danzo analysis was one you enjoyed

i completely agree that there were wonderful points in naruto that were simply discarded for no viable reason and with the potential it had? crazy honestly same here i think it's why i love the show so much because the potential it had to properly address these issues was there and we almost got that through sasuke but then he was "corrected" by naruto and the main cast. the conflict is so half-assed, and it makes me think... why bring up these issues that mirror real life (genocide, slavery etc) but then.. not ever properly resolve it?

nagato's one does seem the most reasonable tbh although if i were to look at canon options, id lean towards sasuke's goal. i think the revolutionary ideas were made very violent and "extreme" on purpose to have clear villains in place. i dont think an actual revolution by sasuke would be so... i do think that the shinobi system cant be reformed, only destroyed. reforming means compromising with the same shinobi who were keeping the system in place eg the kages etc. naruto is resolved by saying if we all fight against hatred things will be okay but that doesnt address how the "hatred" is getting intensified by the system itself that promotes violence for the sake of your village and for economic gain.

fics for sasuke starting a revolution are... very hard to find. i have some good anti konoha ones that are sasuke centric like this and this . i think the second one is building up to a revolution and its really good. as for my chosen characterisation of itachi. well if we are thinking canon wise, i have a oneshot where its mostly in itachi's pov hejfadsjdj if youre curious that fic is how i see itachi. not canon wise i have some chosen characterisations of itachi that i find very fun like this

(i feel you. i hate seeing people glorify itachi's actions. you're free to like him, even i do, but the moment you begin to try and defend genocide, torturing your own brother and all that disturbing jingoism is where i draw the line. itachi being used as a political pawn for the elders is an explanation, not a defence. he still decided to do it.)

and dont be sorry i love receiving asks :)))) have a nice day <333

[leianaberrie]

In chapter 3 of Long Shadows when Kai is dragging the Scooby doo gang for being murderers that Bonnie enables I was just clapping and nodding my head. Ugh I WISH. SO. BAD. WE. SAW. THAT. ON. TV.

I would love to see a conversation where Kai is all “you were hellbent on trapping me only to let a man-pain serial killer out.” I would’ve love to see Bonnie snap out of her servitude role to the salvatores/gilberts/forbes. I would love her to really sit and reflect on her choices and to grow from that and become a person that doesn’t bail their idiotic asses out of every mess they get themselves into.

Honestly when Bonnie came back from 1994. She came back to a mess. With Steroline having their humanity off. Which in turn made damon harass her about letting mama rippah out. And it’s just one of those things that I just…. I sigh deeply and facepalm every time i think about it.

Bonnie’s reaction to no-humanity steroline should’ve been livid. Her reaction to damon attacking her cause she “put herself first” should’ve been livid. She should’ve been so over the scooby gang at this point. After watching her father get killed, her grams get tortured by spirits, being the anchor, she had to deal with all that alone. No humanity switch cop out for Bonnie. She should’ve just rolled her eyes at stefan turning off his humanity for the billionth time. And then the fact she helped a ripper like Lily out is also never addressed. She never questions why this info was withheld from her. Better yet the writers make it so that Bonnie doesn’t even ask why Lily is in there in the first place.

For some reason Kai is the only one who has to pay (Which is fine that’s part of why I liked him). But these other characters continue to get enabled.

Anyway this was a really long way to say thank you for bringing this up in your fic. LOL

Long Shadows was such a big wish-fulfilment trip for me because I got to put everything in it that canon refused to give us.

I feel that Julie set up Bonnie as Damon's best friend just as Elena and Jeremy were being written off, to tie Bonnie to the Salvatores. For the past seasons, Bonnie had helped them and tolerated them because of their connection to Elena. With her gone, Julie was ensuring that Bonnie's loyalty, and therefore her agency and her magic, would belong to Damon. There's a servitude/slavery metaphor in there that is just too ugly for me to go into details now.

Bonnie was a wreck when she returned from 1994 and the show doesn't deal with this. We're supposed to believe that locking Kai away solves this, and that's, frankly, bullshit. Bonnie's mess didn't start from the 1994 Prison World. It started earlier when she was an Anchor for almost a year, and suffered debilitating agony everytime a supernatural died and passed through her. Before that, she was a ghost for the entire summer. She died before she graduated, and her dead body hugged her father. Before that, she almost lost her mind due to Expression. Before that, she lost her magic and actually died, trying to restore Elena's humanity. She found her mother, only to lose her again when Damon turned her into a vampire. Bonnie's trauma has been happening for a long time, but because the show never delves into accountability, especially when it comes to the protagonists and how their actions affect Bonnie, and will never allow Bonnie to self-examine how she keeps making choices that endanger and harm her for people who don't do the same for her... We get the storyline where all of Bonnie's trauma is because of Kai and once she gets her vengeance on him, she's healed.

In reality, and this is what I tried to do with Long Shadows - Kai is just an unlucky (for him) mixture of being the last straw in the long line of traumatic events and being a convenient scapegoat for Bonnie to project her feelings of damage and betrayal on, because the alternative would be to turn her anger on her friends.

Damon manipulated Bonnie and Kai into getting Lily out, and the show never deals with that. :(

[spxllcxstxr]

The Seven Potters Plan Part 2 • R.L

(Gif not mine)

Request: Nope, just wanted to torture myself with this idea :)

Summary: Read Part 1 here!

Warnings: canon character death, canon Deathly Hallows, cursing, death, grieving, mention of injury and blood, death eaters, Voldemort, just a lot of hurt/angst

Word Count: 1.4k

A.N: Implied that you’re Remus’ age, the two of you are married, why do I think of these things? I’m like 99% sure I made this gender neutral? But if I didn’t like let me know. I know this is angsty, but I hope you all enjoy. Love you all ❤️

EDIT: Like I said in the last part (ugh I hate saying that) this fic had to be broken up into two parts. The starts exactly where it leaves off in the last part.

****

When your feet finally touch the ground, you notice that Hermione looks like herself again.

“Did you see the one that went down?” Hermione pants. “You think it’s—“

“Dead?” Kingsley asks, eyeing you carefully. “What’d you hit it with?”

“I don’t know...” You answer truthfully. “It just...dropped.”

“Harry!” Hermione cries, her body being brought into a hug.

Instinctively you bring your wand up, pointing at the others.

It’s Remus, and you almost falter.

“First thing you said to me on our first date?” You demand, wand trained on his chest.

“Merlin, what are you wearing?” He replies calmly. “But in my defense you looked like you just rolled out of bed.”

“It’s him.” You sigh out in relief, putting your wand back into your pocket. “And to be fair, you asked me out on our first date at twelve in the morning. I did just roll out of bed.”

Remus steps closer to you, arms wrapping around you. Your face buries deep into the crook of his neck, the smell of sweat and a subtle hint of chocolate overwhelming your senses. You almost sob in relief.

“Somebody betrayed us!” Kingsley shouts. “They knew, they knew it was tonight!”

“So it seems.” Remus replies, you pull away from him, but continue to cling onto his hand like before. “But apparently they did not realize there would be seven Harrys.”

“A small comfort!” Kingsley snaps. “Who else is back?”

“Only Harry, Hagrid, George, and me.”

“Not Mad-Eye?” You question nervously. Dread starts to coil down your spine.

Remus shakes his head. “What happened to you?”

The night continues to drag on, everyone recounting their own tales of what happened. The absence of your father continues to wear on you so you pace, occasionally biting at your grimy nails.

But your father was the best Auror the Wizarding world has ever seen. He’s taken out crowds of Death Eaters with his eyes closed, you’ve seen it. One simple ride across the country wasn’t a big deal. You try your best to ignore the cold feeling deep within.

“I’m going to have to get back to Downing Street, I should have been there an hour ago.” Kingsley rises from his seat. “Let me know when they’re back.”

He makes his way towards you, a hand resting on your shoulder. “You did good today, kid.” He smiles.

“Don’t call me kid.” You mutter weakly, trying and failing to reciprocate his smile.

“Hey,” He lightly reassures. “it’s Alastor. He’s fine.”

After a silent nod he walks off into the darkness, Disapparating to his destination.

You continue to pace, feet dragging through the grass as Arthur, Molly, and Ginny come rushing out the house.

“Thank you,” Molly hugs Ron close to her. “for our sons.”

“Don’t be silly, Molly.” Tonks replies.

“How’s George?” Remus asks.

“What’s wrong with him?” Ron pipes up, pulling away from his mother.

“He’s lost—“

A thestral swoops down close to the ground, wings beating rapidly as it lands. Bill and Fleur drop down, looking unscathed.

“Bill! Thank Merlin, thank Merlin—“

Molly cries and goes in for a hug but Bill’s grim face makes her falter.

“Mad-Eye’s dead.”

And everything stops. You go rigid, the chill of your body becoming unbearable and your throat tightens.

Your fears had come true, losing another parent to this stupid war. Your mother had been killed by the Dark Lord himself, her lifeless eyes haunting you ever since.

And now they were both gone.

Tears prick the backs of your eyes, you stare at the redhead in disbelief.

“No.” You mutter, eyes wide and fearful. “No!”

Your knees feel weak and you feel yourself start to collapse. Arms circle underneath your armpits, desperate to keep you up.

“(Y/n), let’s—“

“You’re lying!” You shout, jabbing an accusatory finger at Bill. He winces. “Stop lying to me, where’s my father?” You struggle within your husband’s tight grasp.

“Fuck, Remus, let me go!” You try your best to rip yourself away from in, limbs thrashing in an attempt to hit him away. “I need to find him!”

Remus hushes you, forehead resting on the top of your head.

“He’s my dad, I can’t just—“ Your struggle relents, fists curling around the sleeves of Remus’ coat. “I can’t just leave him.”

“I’m sorry.” Remus whispers above you, his own voice breaking. “I’m sorry.”

“How?” You ask, looking up at Bill, roughly swallowing back tears.

“(Y/n)—“

“How!” You spit, anger once again coursing through your veins.

“We saw it.” Bill croaks, his eyes wet with tears. “It happened just after we broke out of the circle. Mad-Eye and Dung were close by us, they were heading North too. Voldemort—he can fly—went straight for them. Dung panicked, I heard him cry out, Mad-Eye tried to stop him, but he Disapparated. Voldemort’s curse hit Mad-Eye full in the face, he fell backward off his broom and—there was nothing we could do, nothing, we had half a dozen of them on our own tail—“ His voice breaks terribly.

“But you didn’t see him die!” You cry. “He just fell, he might be alive—!”

But Bill just shakes his head.

“He’s gone, (Y/n). Fleur and I saw it, how Dung left and the curse hit him—“

“I’ll kill him.” You mutter, thrashing again in Remus’ arms. “You hear that, Mundungus? I’ll kill you with my bare hands!” You scream up at the night sky. “I’ll fucking kill you, you coward!”

Trying your best to rip away from your husband, you resort to stomping on his feet and clawing at his hands.

It doesn’t work, sadly, Remus’ hold on you never wavers.

“C’mon, let’s go inside, love.” He pleads softly.

In a snap, the fight flees from your body and tears start to fall as you practically go limp in his arms. All you can manage is a weak nod.

You feel the burning stares and hear the faint cries of your friends, but you don’t dare lift your head up from its position buried in Remus’ shirt. He slowly leads you inside, carefully, in case your knees really do give out.

The Burrow is quiet. Clocks tick, George lets out faint whimpers from his sprawled out position on the sofa, and the floorboards creak under your weight, but other than that, it’s quiet.

There’s a dimly lit sitting room on the other side of the bottom floor, and Remus carefully drops the two of you onto the fraying cushions.

You curl up into him, fists tightly clenching his lapels, face buried into his chest. Finally, you open the floodgates, tears staining his shirt in rapid succession, broken wails ripping from your throat.

Fists lightly pound against his chest in frustration.

Remus keeps a hand on the small of your back, rubbing soothing circles over your jacket.

“It’s not fair!” You cry. “It’s not fair! He deserved to live!”

You don’t know how long you sob into Remus, but Bill eventually edges his way into the room.

“His body’s gone.” He states softly, afraid of your reaction.

You head snaps up to him. “Gone? What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Death Eaters, probably.” Bill sighs, stuffing his hands into pockets. “Got to him before we could—“

“Well get him back!” You shout, jumping up from the sofa. Remus follows, holding you back in case you decide to make a break for Bill.

“Who knows where his body may be now, (Y/n)—“

“Well it should be in Plockton with my mum overlooking the Loch!” You seethe. “Find him, alright? You couldn’t save him then, so save him now!”

Bill’s blue eyes flash with hurt, and he takes a step back.

“Right then.” Bill mutters, stepping out into the hallway. “I’ll leave you be, then. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not Bill’s fault, love.” Remus pulls you to his chest, and though you struggle at first, you eventually succumb to the hold. “It’s more than alright to grieve, but this isn’t Bill’s fault. You want someone to blame, blame Voldemort, yeah?”

“I’m sorry.” You mutter. “I’m sorry, I just want him back. It hurts so much, Rem.”

“I wish I could help you, love.” He murmurs into your hairline. “Wish I could just take the pain away.”

“Just holding me helps.” You sniffle.

You listen to his heartbeat and he squeezes you a little tighter.

“I can do that, love. I can do that.”

•

All Character Taglist: @aspiringsloth20 @amourtentiaa @cherie-draco @mullthingsoverinthehotwater

[sosaidvictoria]

hi ! i’m considering writing a fic centering ames and bethany post-canon (if i end up writing it, it probably won’t see the day for a long time because i want to do my own research to make it right) and i was wondering why exactly did ames spiral into alcoholism after her father’s death? by that i mean what was her state of mind ? additionally, what convinced her to go to rehab at the end of TEH ?

thanks in advance for answering, i still love your books a lot and i can’t wait for ALIV ! have a good day :)

ooh i can't WAIT for this

ames already had some drug and alcohol issues, as evinced by her behavior throughout tfk even before her dad was murdered. i think her father dying just kind of felt like being unmoored, to her. as much as she hated him, he was a constant in her life, if only just a constant that she could blame all her problems on. (not necessarily unfairly, mind you.) he was reliably there and reliably hateable and reliably a villain...until he was killed, and simultaneously became a victim.

also keep in mind that ames was questioned by lehrer following her father's death, and as we learn in electric heir, this took the form of 'only a little' torture. (ugh lehrer-speak.) so that was traumatizing, and i think given her hatred for lehrer already, being the focus of his attentions like that really made her feel a sense of helplessness. at least when her father was alive she was somewhat shielded from lehrer--hard to imagine lehrer torturing the daughter of his best friend when ames sr is there to get butthurt about it, but now that he's gone, it's open season.

[minecraftrelatedrandomness]

Aqua’s Live Reactions: “Tommyinnit Breaks Into Prison and Tries to Kill Dream”

So... I was asleep during the livestream (I’d say I was recovering from my past 4 days of tests) and apparently this one’s a bombshell of a stream, so I’m reacting to this one as well! Since the vod isn’t even up as of the time I’m watching this, I’m watching an unofficial vod here (warning: thumbnail is a spoiler).

Once again, a few things before we start:

For once, I don’t know what happens during the stream. Like, not at all, I slept in until like 11:40am. I might have been spoiled a little by a meme on a community post that I got the moment I went on YouTube to look for the vod, or maybe some hints of spoilers in fanfics written by speedrunning authors on AO3. That’s all I know, I’m going in blind this time. Also, thumbnail of the vod seems to be a massive spoiler, that’s literally all I know.

I hate how I’m going in blind, because I can’t go on Tumblr because people liveblog, I can’t edit TV Tropes because they update fast (nor the DSMP Wiki, for that matter), I can’t go on Discord if I’m looking in the spoiler channels, I can’t even use YouTube to look the damn vod up without getting spoilered... ugh. Time zones, amirite?

Like always, if there are any ads, you’re probably going to see me raging over them.

This whole post is within the context of the SMP, so /rp and /dsmp applies to everything under the cut.

If you don’t know what happened, be warned, as spoilers go unmarked. I’m only adding the spoiler warning because it’s within the first 24 hours of the stream, but in all the other cases, it was later, so it was all fair game.

0:00 – GHOSTBUR??

0:19 – Ranboo and Tubbo and Ghostbur... it’s the boys! <3

0:42 – Are you guys seriously trying to wither the prison?!

1:58 – You do realize that this is a risky play, right? No wonder there are fics where Sam apparently kills Tommy that are tagged spoilers... also, doesn’t Ghostbur melt upon touching water and stuff? There’s a water path in the security measures, how are we supposed to do that? (Wait, sending Ghostbur in... is that the catalyst for the spoiler in the thumbnail?)

2:35 – Ooh, the Axe of Peace, huh? Perfect metaphor. Also, would Dream be under the impression that Quackity’s showing up for the daily torture session again? Hmmm... wonder how that plays out.

2:59 – “We only need to take one of his canon lives, right?” Arguably, yes, actually, considering he only has the one left. We take one of his canon lives, and he’s permadead! Exact words trope, my man!

3:57 – But don’t you need to die to get into the prison? Non-canonically, that is, but seriously... security measures and all, you need to reset your spawn at least twice... how are you going to bypass the very security measures of the prison? In theory, you can’t keep anything on you, and you need inside help to sneak anything into the jail, as Quackity demonstrated a month and a half ago.

4:11 – “...but... I like women!” Man, Sam’s so going to think that Tommy put you up to this, no one on this server talks about liking ladies as much as Mr. TommyInnit does. Dead giveaway, pal.

4:16 – “This is gonna work.” No, I doubt it, I know it has to work for the plot to work, but realistically... I don’t think it’s gonna work.

4:35 – “I’ve been thinking a lot about girls.” Please... don’t do that. Don’t talk about boobies when the only woman you’ve been with (as far as we know) is a literal fuckin’ fish, and fish definitely don’t have boobies, no matter what the content mocked in r/PointlesslyGendered may suggest. Also, choose a more inconspicuous topic... please? Changing the subject so abruptly is only going to raise suspicion.

4:46 – “You look very kickable. You’re gonna--” “Yay!” LMAOOOOOOOOOO why would anyone want to kick the cinnamon roll?

5:36 – “They’re not gonna try and revive me, right?” I don’t know for sure, but considering what Dream said and the spoilers that are insinuated... I’m sorry. 

5:56 – I’ll be honest with you, Tommy, this plan is far from sound.

6:17 – No, I don’t think you have a backup. This scares me. It’s too risky of a play.

6:37 – FRIEND!! My beloved!!!

6:48 – What the hell does ‘ruminating’ mean? Is this some fancy word for ‘eat’ or is it English as First Language exclusive learning term? *looks up on dictionary* “to bring up food from the stomach and chew it again”... specialized biology term... ew. I never learnt this word. Does the English education system cover this sort of stuff in their Bio curriculum? *sobs*

7:08 – Bringing friend for cute points? I doubt that’s gonna work, but sure. Just... try not to die, okay, dearie?

7:55 – Does Ghostbur seriously have a sword named lore?! And Tommy has a Manburg shield? What the... (Speaking of that, Quackity had a Manburg shield or banner in his ender chest as well, from when he tried to blow up the Egg? What’s up with that? I know this is super off-topic, but I want to know how they got their hands on enemy merchandise.)

8:04 – Ghostbur and friend... this is way too adorable

8:15 – I love them being happy, but hm... Dream and Sam are both online right now... I wonder why...

8:26 – MY HEART GHOSTBUR AND FRIEND THIS IS AMAZING

8:34 – FRIEND EATING GRASS............................... THIS IS THE CUTEST THING I HAVE SEEN ALL DAY AND THE BOYS ARE HAPPY, MY DAY IS MADE, GAME OVER, WE CAN GO HOME NOW

9:27 – Imagine this plan succeeds and Quackity comes in the next day and sike! Dream is officially deceased and he still doesn’t know how to bring people back to life yet! (I pray that his somewhat addled moral compass is still intact and he won’t go after the kids.)

9:32 – HE GAVE THEM BOTH HUGS AJKS;FA;LSDLKSA;SRW;AFDSC

10:29 – “shame I feel because of him” *screams*

10:57 – Are we gonna have to go around, because Ghostbur melts in water?

11:08 – This genuinely scares me, his feet are gonna be melted!

11:40 – Is that the shaky breath everyone has been talking about?

12:28 – How did a baby zombie get in? Please don’t get Philza’d.

12:55 – I’m noticing all these white particles in the nether waiting room section, is it built in a basalt delta biome?

13:16 – Bye, friend ;-;

13:33 – “he’s my comfort sheep” I CAN’T (also perfect way to change the subject, as planned)

13:55 – Did Sam ban all the visits on the prison after the whole death incident, or did he loosen up ever since the whole daily torture routine started?

14:21 – While he’s reading, Tommy’s making weird expressions and probably mentally prepping in silence in the background

15:13 – No, Ghostbur, you’ve never visited the prison before this, and most certainly not your living counterpart...

15:20 – “Where’s your place of residency?” “L’Manburg.” Excuse me while I cry over Doomsday again..

16:01 – “There’s not much of me physically.” Oh, is he gonna talk about being a barely corporeal (that word is so hard to spell, I had to look it up) ghost-- “I’m quite small.” Oh...

16:59 – Hey, why did he pull the lever?

17:16 – I honestly really love Sam for being relatively nice and patient here.

17:43 – OH, HE’S GOING IN THE GUARD’S WAY!!

17:52 – “Hello, lights! How are you!” I CAN’T, HE’S A CINNAMON ROLL

18:09 – I wonder if the “ahhhh!” was... was it because of pain or a positive emotion? If it’s pain, “that was a lot of fun, can we do it again?”... did he forget?

18:39 – I really am into his acting here, he has to cough, and coughs into his shirt in real life, like to muffle the sound... very pogchamp!

18:52 – Fun definitely isn’t the word to describe this, Sam, I’m with you on this

19:25 – I’m glad that it took this long for there to be an ad, I’m guessing it’s because this channel is relatively small?

20:09 – “[These literal prison cells] are nicer than my house” oh, ghostbur.......

20:33 – Wait, there’s a courtyard?!!?

21:07 – I can definitely feel with you, Tommy, his face... yeah, this search requires literally having a sword stuck through you... like Wilbur’s final canon death...

21:22 – Oh no, it’s the waterworks... Sam, he melts in water... this is what I was scared for.

22:12 – WHEW! I thought this wasn’t gonna be brought up for a sec.

22:34 – I’m not sure if I should feel guilty for being more concerned for Ghostbur melting in the prison than Tommy’s potions running out.

23:22 – DRINK THE POTION WHILE HE SIGNS THE CONTRACT

23:35 – Tommy’s eyes be poppin’... yeah, you’re kind of being the security breach here, pal, and you got traumatized heavily the last time there was a security breach... in other words, BIG YIKES.

23:43 – Can ghosts even catch colds? You gotta catch a virus for that... can ghosts get affected by viruses again? Also, thanks for the cover-up.

23:57 – Really, really thanks for the timely cover-ups, Ghostbur.

24:11 – Yeah, this would be funny, Ghostbur’s already completely dead... *smile drops* unless...

25:13 – OH NO EXTRA PLUME OF FIRE... SAM, PLEASE OVERLOOK THIS

25:51 – HE’S HERE! WE’RE HERE! I FORGOT HOW CLOSE THE FIRE PART WAS TO THE CELL!!

26:24 – Here’s my question, is that once Dream is dead, would Tommy be trapped in there again, since he didn’t set his spawn? Or would he just die (losing a canon life, since all deaths involving the prison are canon unless it’s a security check thing) and leave his tools behind? I’m just very concerned for if all of this goes to plan.

27:20 – NO HE’S SINGING THE ANTHEM I’M GONNA CRY AT THIS RATE

27:26 – TOMS LOOKS SO CLOSE TO TEARS I CAN’T

27:34 – HELLOOOOOOOOO GREEN BOY!!!

28:12 – GODDAMMIT WE JUST HAD TO DO THIS AT SUCH A CRUCIAL MOMENT TOMMY WHY DID YOU TAKE OUT THAT AXE WHY

28:24 – DUDE THEY CAN HEAR YOU..... SAM IF YOU KILL THIS INTRUDER I WILL TAKE ALL YOUR GODDAMN CANON LIVES YOU HEAR ME

28:51 – SAM, ARE YOU DOING THE MILK AS A SECURITY MEASURE OR DO YOU NOT RECOGNIZE THE VOICE OF THE TEENAGER WHO SCREAMED FOR YOUR HELP BUT YOU REFUSED TO ANSWER HIS CALL

29:47 – ARE YOU SERIOUSLY HERE TO RULE-FU HIM

29:54 – Seriously, man, let your reckless teen son go feral for once /hj

30:41 – “Yeah, and I’ll revive him if you don’t let me free!” DREAM WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU ON, YOU’RE STILL THREATENING TO KILL A MAN AND YOU’RE HOLDING HIM HOSTAGE, BASICALLY, WHAT THE LEGITIMATE FUCK

31:27 – DREAM BASICALLY JUST BROKE OUT OF JAIL BY LEAVING THE GAME YOU STUPIDHEAD WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON

32:21 – YES YOU COULD HAVE DAMN WELL DONE SOMETHING BUT YOU DIDN’T

33:20 – GHOSTBUR BEING IN DISTRESS MAKES ME SAD 

33:48 – THIS IS GENUINELY HEARTBREAKING YOU KNOW

33:55 – coping mechanisms and getting out of panic attacks? I- *heart shatters*

34:39 – NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

34:58 – What has he done? What has he done, Sam? What have YOU done? If you let Tommy kill the fucker, he wouldn’t have killed Ghostbur in front of everyone just as the lava curtain started falling! I know it’s a terrible idea to mess with the prison in the first place but he was SO CLOSE!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!

37:21 – “I’m not corrupt, Tommy!” SAYS THE MAN WHO IS AN ACCOMPLICE IN ACTION FOR TORTURE!! I HATE DREAM JUST AS MUCH AS EVERYONE ELSE IN THE ESTABLISTMENT DOES BUT STILL

37:51 – “the only reason you’re not dead is...” is because you want to protect him, I know, it breaks our hearts, but GHOSTBUR QUITE LITERALLY GOT MURDERED BACK THERE, THAT’S TWO PEOPLE THAT DIED IN THE JAIL ALREADY... THREE IF YOU COUNT PONK AND HIS ARM INCIDENT

38:37 – oh no... what is he going to tell friend? that his owner is dead? as he waits in the nether? TT-TT

38:58 – “you can blame me all you want, you did this.” SAM PLEASE STOP

39:15 – “every single problem in this prison is caused by you” WHAT THE FUCK SAM... TOMMY DIDN’T SET OFF THE TNT THE LAST TIME HE VISITED, YOU STUPID FUCKHEAD, HOW ARE YOU BLAMING HIM?? WHAT THE HELL...

39:28 – “you’re the greatest security risk” DUDE YOU SAW HIM WITH AN AXE, YOU KNEW WHAT DREAM DID TO HIM IN EXILE MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE KNOWS, DID YOU THINK HE WAS SERIOUSLY GOING IN TO BREAK DREAM OUT?? LOGIK???????????/

40:41 – if I check the wiki and don’t see their relationship status as a smacking negative, I’m firing whoever’s in charge of the editing and I’ll change the status myself... also SAM WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU THINK HE WAS THERE TO BREAK DREAM OUT AND LET HIM ROAM FREE WHEN DREAM HURT HIM AND EVERYONE ELSE ON THE SERVER????????? WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF LOGIC IS THIS, DO YOU HAVE NO BRAIN CELLS????????? YOUR NEURONS ARE GODDAMN WHACK

41:19 – *sobs over friend* what is happening... what have they done? why? *cries even harder*

41:21 – “oh no...” i know, right............................. *cries even goddamn harder*

41:54 – “i think he’s dead.” “that’s not possible.” i don’t even know what to say ;-;

42:16 – oh shit....................................... dream brought the og wilbur back, I think... he couldn’t have revived ghostbur because he’s already dead..........

44:15 – at the brief glimpse of the tablist... wilbur’s face... it’s not grey... it’s in full colour... wilbur is back...

45:46 – take care of friend.... oh no.......... does wilbur get a redemption arc now? we kind of literally dragged a suicide victim out of the afterlife where he thought he belonged...........

46:08 – his distress................ i can see why the wham episode page on tv tropes is updated now............ because what the fuck happened

46:19 – guys, be careful of l’manhole.......

46:34 – there’s the shrine....... do we get to see quackity’s message?

47:05 – HOLY SHIT HE REALLY IS BACK

47:13 – HE HAS A WHITE STREAK, I REPEAT, HE HAS A WHITE STREAK FROM THE REVIVAL, EVERYONE STAY CALM, THE HEADCANON IS NOW CANON

47:36 – does he have a bandaged left arm? and a literal stab wound? is that from... the death?

47:44 – “who the fuck’s ‘friend���?” oh shit he doesn’t have ghostbur’s memories................

48:14 – “did i do that?” no, sir, it’s your dad, him and his cronies bombed the place to smithereens, even more than you did. he genuinely doesn’t have any memories from since he died, i think............

48:41 – he’s laughing at l’manhole................

49:10 – “I have spent... thirteen and a half years--” holy fuck this man isn’t dead, if he was right about dying at age 32, then now he would be... 45 and a half?? that’s almost as old as my parents, jesus christ almighty

50:07 – “this is my sunrise” the sun rises as he is brought back, what a dramatic bitch, i love him

50:48 – wilbur being back from the afterlife is oddly funny

51:27 – sir, you are kinda retrauming him

51:49 – “my personal limbo was a train platform, tommy” IS THIS A YCGMA REFERENCE?????? I HAVE SEEN. SO MANY. FANART. OF THAT. THAT I THINK HE SAW IT TOO AND MADE IT CANON. YCGMA IS CANON, EVERYONE STAY CALM

52:21 – “you got on a train and you left!” OAAHFASD;KFJALASSASDFJKL;S *SCREAMING INTENSIFIES*

52:50 – ghostbur................... *sobs*

53:00 – “it was dream” holy fucking shit.......... is that a metaphor for him being in control of life and death?

53:08 – he thinks of dream as his hero?! i understand why tommy is looking at him like that, what the legitimate fuckwit...

53:21 – while I’m happy he’s no longer suicidal, I am still genuinely concerned for this man.......... so concerned. so very fucking concerned. no wonder there were so many tv tropes updates. holy shit.

53:40 – whew, he knows what ghostbur knew.

54:39 – needless to say, I am SUPER DUPER VERY CONCERNED FOR REVIVEDBUR

54:50 – “oh fuck” is a fantastic way to put it... and what the fuck is the perfect summary for the stream, thanks

[modern-inheritance]

Modern Inheritance: Random Bits of Writing #2

I usually don’t write moments from Gil’ead because it’s easy for it to devolve into...well, into badly written torture scenes. Honestly, it can get repetitive and doesn’t add much unless it’s done well. I used to write a lot of Gil’ead stuff back when I first started writing and looking back now (besides the obvious young writing cringing) it’s just...ugh. Yeah. 

Anyway, there are some Gil’ead scenes that I do write and like how they come out. The Torin Stories are one of the ways I convey things that occurred there. There are also moments where I think of the...well, more humorous parts that somehow happened. Like Arya managing to kill Durza...and forgetting she was shackled with her arms above her head and was stuck standing on her toes to keep the pressure of her wrists. 

Nothing else came of this one because I’m a stickler for generally (sometimes very generally) accurate wounds and the realities of torture. For an average sized man, hanging from your wrists gives nerve damage in ~15 minutes. Arya already has a smattering of nerve damage to her wrists in MIC Canon (mostly healed by Glenwing in Ellesmera) due to refusing to heal the scars around her wrists (she keeps the scars, stubborn about displaying them). 

So I eventually scrapped this, but in my head I do consider it MIC canon. Arya would do her best to cause trouble for Durza and the guards when she could. She uses these moments in hindsight to add a dash of dark humor when she’s pressed to talk about what happened in Gil’ead, laughing at it instead of talking about the actual torture. Because honestly, how do you talk about six months of being brutalized? How do you decide what to talk about, if you get to decide at all? 

Anyway, that last thing is something to explore in a fic at some point. Cheers mates!

[alltingfinns]

Ending the year in Sherlock/TJLC style.

The Empty Hearse

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: it’s very telling that this version of events is dependent upon the removal of Moriarty’s body.

I can’t imagine putting contacts in with pliers. But hardly the least credulous thing going on.

And the closest sherlolly is ever going to get to a canon kiss. When I watched this with my brother, he was still buying the whole explanation and was just surprised that we got a kiss scene.

Heteronormativity is a helluva drug.

Had no idea the hypnotist guy was famous first time I watched.

“Bollocks!” You said it, Lestrade. Never mind the kiss or the perfect corpse dress up or the hypnotism, you can’t bungee jump discreetly.

But Anderson thinks it’s obvious because it keeps his sherlolly fic canon.

“There was a body.” A. Singular. Body. #moriartylives

I honestly wonder how many theories Anderson subjected Lestrade to.

I know the transition of the coffee cups to John’s eyes is haha funny, but it’s also drinks code funny. Blinded by heteronormativity, that one.

Also great job on turning his life around, “Mary”. 🙄

Might poke fun at the guard listening to music on the job, but it makes sense to want to drown out the beating of a prisoner who can’t very well escape a second time.

The torturer being a John mirror. (Unhappy love affair in the navy = Sholto, electricity not working in the bathroom = not good shaving and of course unfaithful wife.) Considering this is the season where Sherlock is most pained by his feelings for John, it makes sense. Ouch, but still makes sense.

The deep wounds in his back. If John only knew…

And that sweet smile about Baker Street… he smol

Boy, John does look so happy!/sarcasm

First time I learned about Guy Fawkes day was in an Enid Blyton book where the plot involved someone stealing the crime solving gang of youngings’ guy money. So I was proud of myself for being like

But like about a culture.

John really hasn’t been back since the funeral.

Kind of weird that Sherlock is okay with someone else shaving him when he’s been on the run, hunted and threatened for two years. But no one ever claimed the writers of this show actually understood ptsd.

Milieu. Or miljö, if you’re Swedish.

Ahh, sibling bickering. “I saved you” “no you sat and watched me getting beaten!” Classic.

“Field work! Ugh!” Very canon Mycroft. (Hence why he never leaves The Diogenes Club)

Passive aggressive Hudson is best Hudson!! 🤣

“Ages you.” The facial hair is a bit of a bad match there.

And again I’m sad that Una Stubbs didn’t live long enough for s5.

“Many bothans died for this info-“ “yeah yeah, where’s my Jawn?!?”

Of course Mycroft had a folder at the ready.

The facial hair must go!

Okay, so John’s grieving process is a bit much. But mrs Hudson… your income (supposedly) depends on renting out your one good apartment. Yet here you are letting it gather dust. “Not your mother” doesn’t seem quite right.

John, so stoked about his proposal, that mrs Hudson assumes he’s about to tell her he’s ill.

“I’m moving on.” What a normal heterosexual flat mate thing to say. What are you moving on from, John? The flat? You left it ages ago! Sherlock’s death? What does Sherlock being dead have to do with your relationship status? Why are you equating a proposal to your friendship (?) with Sherlock?

Hudson is way happier about John’s relationship than he is.

“So soon after Sherlock?”

Don’t you *deep breath* “well yes” at mrs Hudson, young man! You’re the one making the implications she’s inferring from.

Why is mrs Hudson shocked that it’s a woman? Bisexual erasure? Maybe she thought Sherlock was his closet key, or his exes were all beards. Well, not like any of those relationships lasted that long.

“Of course it’s a woman!” Of course. Because he’s moving on and don’t want any reminders of the “could-have-been”s. That’s why she’s short, blonde, has big eyes and is in his mind as far removed from Sherlock as possible.

“Sherlock was not my boyfriend!” No, just your “could-have-been”.

“I am not gay!” Immediate transition to Sherlock sighing.

“Jump out of a cake!” Very heterosexual flat mate of you, Sherlock.

“Baker Street?” Here I paused on Mycroft looking like he’s thinking “my dumb gay little brother really thinks he left London on pause, doesn’t he?”

“What life? I’ve been away!” At first I thought he really was just dismissive of John’s non-Sherlock life. But rewatching I can see a slacking of his face as he takes in the fact that of course John moved on. So he plasters on some false bravado to cover for his mistake of confusing the dream (returning to old life with John) with reality (missing out on his friends living their life).

“How would I know?” Trying almost desperately to save his little brother from the inevitable heartbreak.

And Sherlock feeling his upper lip. If not imagining bristly kisses, then why?

“It’s possible you won’t be welcome”. He can’t say it outright because a) Sherlock won’t believe him and b) Sherlock will just become more determined to prove Mycroft wrong.

The deerstalker = his public image. The coat = his armor.

Stop standing atop buildings!!

I love whenever he does drive by deductions.

This disguise on the go is so fun. Like I don’t care if it makes sense for him to get away with it or not, it’s just good old fun!

“Madam, can I suggest you look at this menu? It’s completely identical.” Fun!

And the fake accent!

All to amuse John who doesn’t even notice his dramatic reveals!

Hmm, The Quiet Man feels. John may be so used to seeing Sherlock everywhere that he doesn’t even think about seeing him in a waiter he never looks directly at.

Dear God in heaven, I’m not even twenty minutes in!!

The femme fatale entrance. It’d be only more perfect if she had her fur coat on.

“You’re the best thing that could have possibly happened to me.” “I agree. I’m the best thing that could have happened to you!”

Gaslighting girl boss.

You may not think it’s a big deal that she dropped the “possibly”. But John is always careful with his word choice. And Sherlock is the best thing that could happen to him, because he did the impossible before, and maybe he can again. He asked Sherlock not to be dead. Maybe…

Does she really have to giggle and prod him while he’s struggling with his words? Best thing my foot!

Did he steal that wine bottle from a table or even the kitchen/bar? The latter seems more likely what with it being unopened and all.

Direct look and the mood has extreme shift.

“Not dead.” Maybe not the best time to remind John of Irene.

“In my defense it was very funny.” 😠 “okay not a great defense”

“Does yours rub off too?” You know, a better title for this episode might have been “Everyone Bullying John Over His Ugly Mustache” though it would make for an awful title card. (EBJOHUM, almost sounds like a biblical name.)

“Donde estas, Yolanda?”

How Sherlock survived = what the fans/Anderson cares about

How Sherlock could do this to John = what actually matters to John/the writers.

The gag of the eating establishments getting progressively less refined as they’re thrown out for violence. 😘🤌 (Am I doing chef’s kiss right?)

Srsly, Sherlock. Why not bring in John into the secret when you already got 25 members of your homeless network involved? Is it because you’d rather he think you were dead? Because if you told John Danger Boner Watson that you’d travel the world to dismantle a criminal network, you knew he’d tag along? So instead he grieves your death. Lose-lose situation, I guess.

Wow, they sure are harping on John about his facial hair in the episode where he gets engaged to be married. No hidden meaning in that.

Even his beard doesn’t like his mustache.

John, this is how mrs Hudson felt. Don’t you see?

Tbf, John. Sherlock has seen your “acting” before. Also, anyone suspecting Sherlock faked his death would watch you more closely than any of the people Sherlock involved.

That said, he isn’t “over” reacting. Just reacting.

“Still a secret” love the extra in the background shaking his head at these terrible secret keepers.

“SWEAR TO GOD!” Angry John is very human, but also very funny.

Martin “do that with a face” Freeman acting out “can you believe this bitch?”

Love that this line that was used as an awesome epic voice over for the trailer, is just a reason for John to headbutt Sherlock in the episode itself.

“I’ll talk him around”. Gatekeeping girl boss. Putting herself in the position of mediator. At the start she was all “omg what have you done?” But now she’s on Sherlock’s side, supporting him in the face of her boyfriend’s (justified) anger.

Also could she pick a more femme fatale coat? Especially with that hairstyle.

“Can you believe his nerve?” “I like him.”

Forget supportive girlfriend, a work acquaintance would feel socially obligated to be more emotionally supportive!!

Stopping here. Apparently this episode will have to be a three part series of observation.

[jaskiers-sweetkiss]

23 and 24 for the end of year asks? 💛

Hi Nele!! Thanks for the ask 💛

23. fics you wanted to write but didn’t

There have probably been soooo many this year that just, don't even hold residence in my mind anymore but I'm going to give it to The Mercer Legacy because while I did start it, lord knows I never finished it. I'd still like to, I think, the inspiration just isn't there at the moment!

24. favorite fic you read this year

Now see this is just an impossible question! It's been a long year and I am absolutely shit at keeping track of every fic I've read, not that I'd be able to pick one favorite anyway. So, I'm not gonna. I am, however, going to put the recs under the cut bc this got really long oops

Right now I'm on a pretty big Harry Potter kick (Fremione specifically, atm) so there are gonna be the most of those, sorry lol.

Favorites from the HP Fandom:

Defectors - James/Lily/Regulus where rather than die in the cave, Reg fakes his death and defects to the order. It's got wolfstar angst, sirius and regulus estranged siblings angst, and just lovely potter triad fluff (but also some angst for them too, it is a war after all). I would die for every interaction Reg and Harry have. Jegulily was simply not a ship I knew I needed in my life but I am forever obsessed after this fic!

The Family Potter - what if Petunia and Vernon died instead of James and Lily and Dudley went to live with the Potters? Oh. My. God. I truly will never ever ever be over this fic it just,, wowowowowow. It presents such an interesting new dynamic to explore between James and Lily and their nephew and creates an entirely new dynamic between Dudley and Harry than we get in canon. It's all just,, *chefs kiss*

Reparations - Draco/Harry. Listen, I'm not even a drarry fan. I came here for post-war healing, Harry becoming a healer not an auror (one of my favorite hcs), and a Draco redemption arc. I got all of that and infinitely more. The preexisting characters are portrayed beautifully and the original characters that fill St. Mungo's are so compelling and lovely!!

so just give me one more night - Fred/Hermione fake dating. I am a sucker for a fake dating trope and I'm also a sucker for Fred and Hermione going to the Yule Ball together. To quote myself in my ao3 bookmark: This is everything. They’re everything. I can’t believe they invented romance ugh.

don't you know you've got the best of me? - Fred/Hermione. I'm actually still finishing it up right now (started it yesterday) but oh my goodness is it amazing. It's a complete retelling of the series but if Fred and George had befriended Hermione early on. I'm absolutely obsessed with the dynamics Hermione shares with the twins, Lee, Alicia, Angelina, and Katie as well as the shift in her dynamics with Harry and (especially) Ron. Just,, 12/10 and I'm not even finished yet!

Some favorites from JATP:

It's not Sunset Cis either - an incredibly large collection of trans!sunset curve fics all set in the same universe! I actually haven't even read them all but every single one I've read has been phenomenal!

The Spotlight's Your Hiding Place - Willex and Boggie enemies-to-lovers (with established Juke and Flarrie), social media fic. Anxiously waiting for each new installment of this was practically torture but fully worth it. Made me scream "Fuck Caleb" more times than I can count. (By the same author as It's Not Sunset Cis)

Cross My Heart - Luke x Reader social media fic. Bianca sprang this on me out of the mf blue and just, holy shit did they do an amazing amazing job like she- that's my spouse y'all and I'm truly not just hyping it up because I love her. They really did the best job and the dynamics are all so fun!

Can't finish this list without a Marvel mention:

The Avengers vs The Peter Factor - I've read a lot of MCU fics this year what with all the new content, but this one just hits the spot (probably because it's so removed from all the loss in canon). It's a good old-fashioned Avengers living together in the tower fic with a heavy emphasis on how much everybody loves Peter Parker. Each chapter is dedicated to a character falling victim to what Tony has called The Peter Factor, there are no survivors. It's still being updated (right now there's a Field Trip storyline happening) and will eventually feature the newer characters to the universe!

I know this is only barely scratching the surface of fics that I've read and fell in love with this year but I think it's a pretty sizable list as is 😂

Thank you again for the ask!!! Sorry for the essay!

Send me "fanfic end of the year asks"

[winterscaptain]

dead man’s hand.

Aaron Hotchner x Fem!Reader

a/n: our 52 pickup ajf episode! i dunno about yall, but i was so excited to get my hands on viper in this universe. he’s ridiculous, and i think he deserves to be absolutely put to shame by aaron “BDE” hotchner. 

a joyful future fic, but requires little context. 

words: 5k warnings: canon-typical misogyny, language, improper comm conduct, emily prentiss: lesbian icon™

summary: your first case back to full duties after your injury at the septarian ranch just had to take you undercover, didn’t it?

masterlist | a joyful future masterlist | requests closed!

You’re happy to be back in your usual plane seat, just to the left of Aaron, with your notes in your lap. With your arm in the sling, you were relegated to the table, in Derek’s usual spot beside Rossi, to discourage you from slouching. It was Hotch who suggested it, of course, but that didn’t help your pride. 

Though your sling is gone and you’re back where you belong, your shoulder still twinges a little from time to time. 

As it happens, a twinge hits you right as Rossi asks, “How does our unsub go from loser of the year to Don Juan?”

While Spencer answers him, Hotch glances over at you. You wave him off. I’m fine, Hotch. 

He sighs and you both tune back in to Spencer. “...Don Juan was an ironic reversal of sex roles and when -” Spencer looks at Hotch, finding something in his face that usually made you laugh, but stops Spencer in his tracks. “Th-That’s about it.” 

You suppress your smile as Hotch refocuses the group. “Something must have happened between the last prostitute and Vanessa Holden, making him change his victimology.” 

“Could the unsub have known Vanessa?” Jordan’s question almost surprises you. She’s still settling in, but you’re learning she doesn’t hesitate to freely share her opinion. 

Hotch hesitates, as if waiting for someone else to answer. You oblige him, leaning around Dave a bit to see her better. “It’s unlikely.” 

Derek picks up your thought. “Yeah, sexual sadists attack anonymously”

“They have to sever a personal connection and see their victims as objects to perpetrate this level of torture.” Spencer softens your quick rebukes with a little closed-mouth smile. 

You spare a glance for Hotch and he raises his eyebrows for a split second before they drop back down. Your elbow makes contact with his arm, and you press into him for a second. Be nice. 

He huffs a light breath through his nose as Prentiss and Rossi bounce off each other. I am being nice. 

Then, as though your silent sidebar never existed, he jumps back in. “The victimology is so different, we’ll treat them as separate unsubs and see what overlaps.” He makes assignments, finally rounding out by assigning Derek, you, Jordan, and himself to the victim’s family. 

+++

Todd’s initiative continues to take you by surprise long after you land. She takes command of the situation at the precinct, and there are a couple of times where you can feel Hotch shift his weight. 

He’s uncomfortable. 

When Jordan leaves the room, you turn to the side and he leans in. “If you’re going to pull her, do it quietly. Something tells me she’s adverse to public criticism.” 

He nods, just a little, and you return to your former posture. 

The house is where things get really sticky. 

“Mrs. Holden,” she says, “we can’t begin to fathom the loss you’ve suffered.” 

You nudge Hotch with your shoulder (ouch) and he uncrosses his arms. Loosen up for a minute, would you?

“No, that’s right. You can’t.” Mrs. Holden’s tone is sharp, and you can’t help but feel for her - the stuff Garcia sent over was awful. A daughter, dead, and forums full of people saying you had it coming. Ugh. 

“But, um…” Jordan steps up, and you narrow your eyes a little. 

What is she doing? 

“I lost my older sister in a car crash.” You can feel Derek’s brow furrow as he checks in with Hotch. Aaron has yet to move and, as usual, his face gives nothing away to anyone except you. Something’s wrong. “And it was really hard on our family because she was the responsible one. She was the one that my mother always counted on to watch over us.” 

Your eyes flicker to Hotch’s profile, and you find his mouth a touch tighter, his eyes infinitesimally narrower.

Uh oh. 

We know that look. 

Again, what is she doing? 

“And when she died, my mother wouldn’t let the police in. If she didn’t let them in, then my sister wasn’t really dead.” Jordan leans in closer, as if her next words are a secret. “This man is a monster,” Aaron straightens with an inhale, and you feel yourself wind tighter and tighter as he does. You have no idea what you’re upset about yet, but you’re sure it's something. “...and we can catch him, but we need your daughter’s help.”

The mother turns on Derek in an outburst of pre-emptive anger. He very kindly de-escalates the situation, ever the voice of reason and empathy. Hotch takes another breath as Mrs. Holden turns to invite you further into the house. Jordan checks in with Derek before following her, almost smug. 

Aaron’s brows are drawn when you look at him again. Derek asks the question you’ve been waiting for. “Did you know that about Jordan?”

“No,” he says. “And neither did she. According to her file, she’s an only child.” Hotch walks away immediately, letting his implicit accusation hang in the air between you. 

You share a look with Derek. 

+++

“The information about Vanessa Holden being the responsible sister, where did you get that?”

You try to stay a little ahead of them, but Derek has no qualms about openly eavesdropping, turning over his shoulder. 

Her tone is matter-of-fact. “Some of it was online, and some of it was just an educated guess based on birth order.”

Still facing forward, you squeeze your eyes shut for a moment, as if bracing yourself for impact. 

“A guess.” Hotch’s question is flat and hardly a question at all. You almost cringe. Derek hops up beside you, much less interested in snooping now. 

Shit. You’re in it now, kid. 

‘Kid.’ Gimme a break she’s like...two years younger than you.

Yeah, but on this team, it’s dog years. The divorce alone had to be at least a decade.

“And in the process, you lied.” 

There it is. 

“That mother was shut down. I needed to salvage some rapport.” The note of defensiveness in Jordan’s tone pulls a sigh from you, and you can almost anticipate Hotch’s response. If pressed, you could recite it verbatim. 

“I don’t know how you did things in counter-terrorism, but we don’t make it a habit to lie to get the job done.” They stop walking, but you don’t, pulling Derek by the sleeve of his Henley before he can hesitate. 

“Let’s wait by the car,” you tell him. He gives you an expression that only says yikes. You reply with one of your own. 

As you approach the back door, you hear, “I got you in the door, didn’t I?” from Jordan.

Oh babe. Put the shovel down. This hole you’re digging for yourself is becoming unmanageable, and we’re all going to have to deal with his grumpy ass for the rest of the afternoon if you don’t quit. 

Derek leans against the door of the car, and you follow his lead, leaning against the back bumper. 

“Not only do you represent the FBI, you represent this team - ”

Ah, so it's the “representing the team with integrity” speech today.

 “ - to the press, the police, and to the families who are struggling with some of the hardest times of their lives. If you get caught in a lie, the trust we depend on to help solve these crimes disappears.” You inhale, sharp. It’s been a minute since you’ve heard that tone. “Do I make myself clear?” 

Yikes. 

Jordan, looking significantly chastised, answers, “It won’t happen again.” 

“No, it won’t.” 

Alright, that one pulls a smile from you and you do your best to bite back your laugh. Derek’s in the same boat. You both hope to recover by the time they get back to the car. A fit of giggles will do you absolutely no good at this point. 

“When we get back, I want you to prepare a press release about the unsub. Do not release it.” His phone rings, and he reaches for it, adding “From now on, everything goes through me.”

He passes you without meeting your eye, talking to Rossi over the phone. Jordan approaches you, and asks, “So how bad did I just screw up?”

You take a breath before answering. “Well, Derek would tell you on a normal scale of one to ten, probably about a six.” 

“I have a feeling that’s not the scale we’re using.”

You shake your head and open the door. “On Hotch’s, that was about an eleven.” 

The three of you slide into the car. You take the seat behind Derek, sparing Aaron from having Jordan in his peripheral vision while he’s trying to focus on not crashing the car. 

+++

“Hotch,” Emily says, getting your attention and Aaron’s. You both turn. “Of the self-described pickup artist classes in the area, there’s only one guy who encourages his students to dress like, uh..” she searches for a word for a second, “space cowboys.” 

A laugh escapes you, but you recover quickly. You glance at Hotch, an apology in your eyes.

Emily’s tone matches your mirth. “Are you ready to meet Viper?”

+++

The four of you lurk at the back of the room, listening to Viper’s sermon while trying not to laugh out loud again. 

“...and women, while they won’t admit it, want to be hunted. They need it.” 

You look up at Hotch. You’ve got to be kidding me. 

He doesn’t look at you, but the twitch of his mouth gives him away. 

You turn your attention back to Viper, who’s assertions are so far gone from reality you can’t even believe people paid for this. He goes on and on about the ideal mate, what women want, etc. etc. etc. 

This guy has never gotten laid in his life. 

Hotch nudges you with his shoulder as if he can hear you thinking, and you drop your eyebrows, setting your mouth in a tight line that could give him a run for his money. 

Emily’s losing it beside you, too. She and Derek have shared more than a few glances, and there’s no hiding the incredulous look on her face. 

“If you are smarter and more interesting, you will be a better predator -”

You keep your face from screwing up in a wince, but only just. Poor choice of words, there. 

“- because this is the jungle, my friends, and your prey wants to be caught.”

Derek doesn’t shift his gaze as he asks, quietly, “Would you listen to that language?”

You lean around Emily, whispering, “He’s training serial killers.” 

“Great,” Emily says. “We’re dealing with a rampant narcissist and misogynist who's turned himself into a snake oil salesman.” 

Yeah, that about sums it up. 

You both look at Hotch, who’s still watching carefully. “Just one more thing he has in common with our unsub.” 

At the end of the lecture you all stay where you are: four dark and intimidating figures irresistible to someone with an ego as big as Viper’s.

When he inevitably advances on you, Aaron introduces the team present and explains the situation in an even, measured tone. He doesn’t have to change a single thing about his presentation for the Viper to size him up and compensate accordingly. He doesn’t even acknowledge you or Emily in his futile effort to make Aaron feel small, counting on his own peacocking to do the job. 

That was your first mistake.

“So you think this - what did you call him - unsub took my class?”

With one hand in his pocket and another on his belt, Aaron replies. “He copied your ‘the camera adds ten pounds’ routine verbatim.” 

Viper has the audacity to look pleased. “Yeah. That’s a good gag.”

“If you could just give us your attendance lists, it might help us find him,” Emily says. 

You nod. “Any information you can provide would be helpful.”

“No.” 

Your eyebrows shoot to your hairline, and Emily beats you to a response, her tone appalled. “No?”

He’s decidedly smug now. You’ve never seen a face so well-suited for a punch. “My clients expect a certain amount of confidentiality. I won’t compromise that.” 

“We can come back with a warrant.” Aaron’s quick, flat rebuttal almost makes you smile. Viper ignores him, shifting his slimy attention to you.

You watch Viper take you in from head to toe, resisting the urge to squirm under his gaze. With a deep breath, you straighten your shoulders and ever so slightly put more weight on your right foot, keying you in to Aaron. When Viper meets your gaze again, he looks more than a little annoyed. 

“Be my guest, but keep in mind, the money I make doesn’t just pay for my fabulous lifestyle,” he turns to Emily again, “it also keeps very expensive lawyers on retainer.”

You redirect, hoping to catch him off guard. “What club did you go to last night?”

It doesn’t work. He eyes you up and down again. It’s disgusting. 

“It’s a legitimate question,” Derek says. “You seem to know a lot about our investigation.”

He turns on Derek, and you settle in for the show. “Two things to learn about me. First, I outwit alpha males like you for fun and sometimes profit.” You snort, but he doesn’t spare a glance at you. “How often do you have to rely on your badge to score, baldy?”

Aaron huffs a laugh, and it’s so quiet you’re almost sure you made it up. 

“Second,” he continues, turning to Emily again. “Last night, I was at Club Aqua and I have a stack of tax-deductible drink receipts to back up my story.” 

She shrugs, unimpressed. 

Emily Prentiss, you are my hero. 

You really tune in when his gaze finds Aaron, still standing a good two or three inches taller than Viper in far more expensive shoes. “Now, you might not want to believe that my style works.” You can tell Aaron’s trying to keep from smiling, his head tilted down at a condescending angle. “And here, in this harsh light, you have the advantage.” 

He has the advantage in every light. 

Shut up. 

It’s true, isn't it?

Viper steps up to you, uncomfortably close, and you do what you can to keep the grimace off your face. “But meet me on my turf…” He laughs a little and turns to Emily. It’s revolting. “The things I could make you do.”

The things Aaron could do on any turf, any time, any light -

Quit! Focus! 

Aaron steps between you and Viper. You gladly take advantage of the distance, moving just off Aaron’s shoulder. “If you have any questions, give us a call.” 

Viper’s eyes don’t move from Emily as he takes Aaron’s card. She sizes him up for a moment before turning around, still completely unimpressed. 

Down the hallway, she keeps pace with Hotch. “Please tell me we’re not giving up on that guy.” 

“We’re just getting started.” 

You can tell he’s irritated and tense, but there’s an air of smug amusement that colors his countenance. The lawyer has tricks up his sleeve, it seems. 

When you leave the building, you turn on Derek. 

“What the fuck was that?”

To everyone’s surprise, Aaron, putting his sunglasses on, answers. “Compensation.”

You try not to dwell on that implication for too long, barking a laugh with Emily.

+++

“Hey, Hotch.” You turn around, exposing your half-unzipped dress and bare upper back. “Can you zip me up?” He crosses the room and zips your dress, doing his best to avoid savoring the warmth of your skin under his fingers as he links the hook-and-eye closed. “Thanks.” You turn and he’s a little closer than you expected, looking at you with a peculiar, unreadable expression in his eyes. 

There’s silence for a moment and neither one of you moves. No matter how often it occurred, close proximity to Aaron always did weird things to your heart rate. You take a deep breath to steady yourself and return to the locker for a set of loud silver bracelets. 

“You’d tell me if you were uncomfortable with this, right?”

You clasp two of the bracelets around your wrist and turn back toward him. A little laugh leaves you. “I’m fine, Hotch.” You wordlessly hold your last two bracelets out, unable to secure them with your non-dominant hand. With a fond sigh, he crosses over to you and takes your wrist.

“Emily told me you’d both be alright and she’s handled people like this before, but this guy…” He trails off with a bit of sigh. 

“I’ve handled worse than him. Guys like Viper were a dime a dozen in college,” You shrug, watching him deftly handle the tiny clasps in his large hands. “Plus, you’ll be in my ear the whole time.” He reaches past you for your necklace and you turn around so he can put it on. He smells incredible and you can't help but close your eyes for a moment. 

“I have a good feeling we’ll be able to get somewhere tonight.”

You turn around again, smiling up at him. “I agree.” Thinking for just a second, you add, “Hotch, did you consider putting Jordan on this?”

“I did,” he says, his fingers reaching for the bridge of his nose. “Emily suggested it as well. I’m just not confident in her ability to complete surveillance in such a high-risk environment.” 

“Because of her mistake today?” You pass him and close the door to the room, ensuring the exclusion of prying eyes and ears. 

He removes his hand from his face and looks at you, playing at exhaustion. Of course.

You let all your breath out through your nose and you carry on as if you were explaining to a child. “She can’t recover if you don’t give her an opportunity.” You lighten up, adding, “Do you remember how many times I screwed up my first couple of months?” A wry smile crosses your face. 

He huffs and crosses his arms. “That’s different.” 

“Why? Because I was a NAT?” 

“No, you -” He takes a second to collect his thoughts, his brow furrowed. He gestures with a sharp, open hand as he speaks. “You made mistakes, but you never misrepresented yourself. I’m concerned about her conduct in the field.” 

“Send her out with us tonight.” Your appeal is casual, easy. “Emily and I will keep an eye on her and make sure she keeps her nose clean.” All things considered, Jordan isn’t much of an issue. She’s just green and (you’re sure) accustomed to a decidedly less-upright unit chief. 

“Are you comfortable with that?”

“Of course. Give her a chance, Hotch. We’ll be fine.” 

He nods, ready to leave the room, but then looks down at your wrist with a small, almost amused, frown. “Is that…?”

“The Dead Man’s Hand? Yeah.” You turn your wrist, revealing a pair of eights and aces - both clubs and spades, with the queen of hearts between them - inlaid in the silver. “I figured it was appropriate, if not entirely tasteless.” 

“Clever.” 

+++

You can tell Jordan’s forgotten about the comm in her ear when she leans over and whispers, “How do you do it?”

“Do what?” You keep your eyes on the crowd, lips barely moving as you keep a demure smile on your face. A guy without a chance in hell catches your eye and you break him with just a quick softening of your eyes and a wider smile. Luckily, he’s so flustered he doesn’t think to approach you.

She takes a fake sip of her drink. “You and Hotch get along really well, and I haven’t managed to get on his good side once since I’ve been here. How do you do it?”

“I have no idea.” There’s a small crackle in your ear, and you know Aaron tuned into your private channel to hear you better and talk to you alone. For his benefit, you add, “I’m not sure he has a good side, if that helps.” 

You hear a scoff and have to hide your laugh in your drink. 

Jordan shakes her head. “You’re kidding, right?”

“What?”

“He definitely has a good side -” 

“Thank you,” Hotch says into your ear. You cough to hide another laugh. 

“- and you’re on it.” 

You open your mouth to reply, but catch the eye of someone who looks unfortunately familiar. “You’ve got to be joking.”

Hotch’s chuckle in your ear warms you, and you hear a crackle as he switches back to the team channel. “20 on Viper,” he says. “Keep an eye out for our unsub.” 

Emily wilts beside you, and you can’t help but laugh. You pull Jordan a little off to the side so you’re able to hear Viper, but he doesn’t feel closed in. “You always want to give guys like this an out - if they’re backed into a corner and feel trapped, they close off and get defensive.” 

A crackle in your ear. “Is that so?”

Jordan nods and you can’t reply to Hotch with any degree of subtlety, so you settle for rolling your eyes. 

“Well.” You hear Viper from over your shoulder. Jordan cringes, and your brow pulls in a question. “Lucky me.”

She answers, narrating through a squint. “He just put his finger in his mouth and pulled it out a little too slow.” 

“Ugh.” You take a fake sip of your drink. “I hate this guy.” 

“I thought you said you could handle him?” Aaron’s voice in your ear almost makes you jump, and you almost turn around to smack him before realizing he’s not even there. 

Bastard. 

Emily sends some sort of wisecrack flying over Viper’s head. She’s so charming, you can’t blame him for immediately falling head-over-dick for her. 

“...So, affection, sex, emotional committment, it’s all just for fun?”

Against your will, your thoughts wander. You’re still listening, tuned in to his linguistic profile - the pattern, the rhetoric, the cadence, sure - but your heart pulls when you hear Emily list those three things. A sigh leaves you and of course you’re thinking of Aaron. 

You’re such a child. Don’t be an idiot. 

“You okay?” 

Of course he’s asking. 

You turn away from Jordan, looking out on the rest of the club so you can answer. “I’m fine.” 

“Need a break?”

You are feeling a little boxed-in, and as long as he’s offering… “Yeah, actually. That would be great. I just need some air.” You turn back to Jordan. “I’ll be right back - stay with Emily.” 

“But wait,” she says, holding your arm with gentle fingers, “we shouldn’t split up.”

“I just need a minute outside, Jordan, I’ll be alright.” You smile at her, small and warm, and escape her grasp. Slipping out one of the side doors, you prop it with a doorstop and lean against the wall. Your eyes fall closed, and you take a minute to breathe in the cold air. 

You hear your name in your ear, and you yank your earwig out. It's still close enough for you to hear the team if anyone needed you, but Aaron’s voice in your ear at this very moment isn’t helping with the whole “take a minute” thing. 

“Hey, I’m talking to you.” 

I thought I took that damn thing out - oh. 

Aaron rounds the corner and leans on the wall beside you. “You okay?”

You nod. “Fine. My shoulder’s just bugging me a little.” 

“Any more lies you want to share before I call you on them?” 

“No.” In fairness, your shoulder was bothering you, but it wasn’t the thing bothering you. That thing, in fact, was standing beside you with his kevlar on, waiting patiently for you to continue. “I’m just out of shape, is all.” You tilt your head a little. “And my shoulder really does hurt.” 

He guides you off the wall so you’re standing in front of him, your back to him. “What have you been doing in PT?”

“Muscle work, mostly. Keeping things loose so it heals without limiting my mobility.” You roll your shoulder, ignoring the flood of pain that zings down your fingertips. 

Warm hands find their way to your shoulder over the fabric of your dress. You picked something long-sleeved and high-necked, figuring the angry scarring from your still-healing gunshot wound would adversely affect your objective. You take deep breaths as he works at the muscle, releasing the little knots that built up through the day. He finds a bit of scar tissue, and a little yelp leaves you before you can stop it. 

His hands soften, but don’t stop. “Hang in there. Just a little more and it’ll take some pressure off the nerve.” He trades his thumbs for the tips of his fingers, walking over the knots with a methodical practicality that pulls at your chest.

You nod, knowing he’s right. Lo and behold, a few seconds later, the knot releases, sending a flood of warmth, followed by pins and needles down your arm. You flex and contract your hand in and out of a fist a couple of times, hoping to rid yourself of the sensation. 

“It’ll stop in a second.” He rubs his hands together, warming them up with the friction before passing over the back of your shoulder with a firm, steady pressure, all the way down your arm to your fingers. The heat of his hands really does help - your nerves calm almost immediately, and you can feel your pinkie for the first time in days. 

A little laugh leaves you. “I dunno why I keep going to PT when you’re right here.” You turn and offer him a soft smile. “Thank you.”

“Feeling better?”

No. 

“Much.” 

He offers you a small smile in return. “Good.” 

+++

You’re changing back into your work clothes with Emily and Jordan, pleased to find them full of laughter. 

“When you asked him if he practices his routine on a sex doll, I almost lost it.” Jordan looks over her shoulder at Emily as she clips her holster back onto her belt. 

“I did lose it, are you kidding?” You laugh. “I can’t believe I missed it!” 

Emily shakes her head, smiling. “You know, as much as I hate what that guy stands for, I still read ‘five ways to get noticed’ in Cosmo magazine.”

“Because it makes sense.” You look at Jordan, waiting for an explanation. She redeemed herself tonight, and you’re actually looking forward to hearing what she has to say. Though she doesn’t explain what she means, she does thank you both for vouching for her. 

“Absolutely.” Emily looks past Jordan, at you, and you nod in agreement. 

“Of course.” 

A knock sounds, and Aaron’s voice shoots around the corner. “I need you all out here, the unsub’s kidnapped another victim.” 

Shit. 

+++

You’re on Aaron’s six, waiting for the go. He calls the first team into position and holds up his hand. When he drops it, you fall into step, just off his right shoulder. Derek breaches first, tackling the unsub to the floor. 

Aaron kicks down the front door, and you breach from the other side of the house. There’s shouting everywhere, but Aaron’s presence centers you, giving you a mission and a focus. 

Keep him safe. 

He releases you with a wave, and you drop down next to Spencer on the floor. You cut the tape holding Austin’s hands together. She falls into Spencer, still terrified and sobbing. He looks at you and you nod, spotting her as he helps her to her feet. 

Tracking back to Aaron, you shadow Rossi as they finish clearing the rest of the house. You hover by the final door as Dave and Aaron reassure the unsub’s mother that she’ll be taken care of as they clear the room for hidden threats. 

In fact, there’s nothing except a sick woman and the machine keeping her alive.

“It’s a dialysis pump...It was issued ten months ago.” Dave looks back at you, and your lips press into a thin line. 

You look at Aaron. “Our secondary trigger.” 

+++

Jordan climbs the stairs to Aaron’s office, and you attempt to hide your interest as she knocks on the door and steps in. Of course, you can’t hear them, but you watch him call her back after she hands in her report. 

You recognize the look on his face - it's an expression you’re rewarded with when you’ve done something right. In fairness, it doesn't look much different from the one you get when you’ve done something wrong, but you’ve learned to pick up on the subtle differences.

Jordan leaves his office with a little smile. When she passes you, you offer her a, “Well done,” as you stand and climb the stairs yourself. 

With a knock on Aaron’s door, he beckons you in without looking. You stand a respectable distance away from his desk, waiting for him to finish whatever he’s working on. He knows it’s you, and has no issue keeping you waiting.

The composition of his desk has changed in the months since the divorce. Haley no longer smiles at him from the frame by his pen cup. That frame sits on the low shelf by his law volumes, the white veil over Haley’s face unable to mask her joy even from across the room. 

There are more pictures of Jack than before, both old and new. 

Eventually, he looks up, and you hand him your report. A smile plays at your lips, and another dances around the corner of his eyes. 

“That was kind of you, Hotch.” 

He shrugs. “You vouched for her work.” 

“Is that all it takes to win your approval, these days? My good word?” Your voice is laden with fond amusement. He rises to it, and if you didn’t know better you’d think he wasn’t smiling. When he answers, his tone is light, almost playful. 

“Yes.”

+++

tagging: @arganfics @quillvine @stxrryspencer @agenthotchner @wandaswitxh @hurricanejjareau @ange-must-die @ughitsbaby @rousethemouse @criminalsmarts @shrimpyblog @genevievedarcygranger @ssaic-jareau @good-heavens-chris-evans @angelsbabey @gublergirls @writefasttalkevenfaster @venusbarnes @hotchsflower​ @ogmilkis @marvels-agents100​ @hotchslatte​ @risenfox ​@mrs-dr-reid​ @captain-christopher-pike​ @joemazzello-imagines​ @pinkdiamond1016​ @pan-pride-12​ @hotchlinebling​ @lee-rin-ah ​@sunshine-em​ @word-scribbless ​@jdougl-love​ @sageellsworth05​ @nohalohoseok @giveusbackourbucky​ @bauslut @dreila03 @forgottenword @aaronhotchnerr @ssa-morgan @hotchnersgoddess @buckybau @phoenixfyre374 @sana-li @tegggeeee @abschaffer2 @ssacandi-ass-prentiss @dontkissthewriter @ellyhotchner @a-dorky-book-keeper @lotties-journey-abroad @mrs-joel-pimentel-23-25 @laneygthememequeen @ahopelessromantic @violentvulgarvolatile @andreasworlsboring101 @mooneylupinblack @ssareidbby @violet-amxthyst @zizzlekwum @lcvischmitt @emmasjulixn @qvid-pro-qvo @mandylove1000 @simsiddy @slickdickwitchbitch @jeor @synonymforlame @roses-and-grasses @bwbatta @capricorngf  @missdowntonabbey @averyhotchner @garcia-reid-lovechild @cevanswhre @colbyskoalas @joanofarkansass @infinity1321 @zizzlekwum @katiejuliana @popped-weasels @evee87 @nuvoleincielo

[searchingwardrobes]

I’ve been thinking all day about this post that I saw and reblogged about Snow’s desire to have another baby and how that hurt Emma. While it is completely understandable for Emma to feel that way as the lost girl that she is, I don’t think Snow is evil or a bad mother to want another baby. I’ve even read fics where people delete the birth of Snowing’s son altogether, seeing them having another child as a betrayal of Emma. I disagree completely. It isn’t them having another child that is problematic, it’s the way it was written in the show. Snow’s words in the echo cave that what she has with Emma isn’t what she wanted is a poor choice of words, but as a mother myself, I get what she was trying to say. Every mother wants to experience all the special moments as their child grows: the squishy baby against their shoulder, the first steps and words, the gap toothed six year old smiles - all of it. It’s what’s so tragic about the curse and what it did to Snowing and Emma. Snow having another baby doesn’t mean she’s “replacing Emma” because, by that logic, every mother who has more than one child is a bad person. Every mother who has a baby after losing a child is a bad person. That’s ridiculous. Any mother will tell you that ten babies can never replace the one you lost (or the ones you have for that matter). And if the Snowings should never have children as some sort of penance for giving Emma away, then by that logic, Captain Swan should never have children either because Emma gave up Henry.

Soooo, the problem isn’t Snowing having another baby. It’s the show’s writers doing Snowing dirty time and again by sweeping Emma’s emotions under the rug and having David and Snow cater more to Regina than their own daughter. We’ve heard the shows creators and writers use the excuse that they didn’t have time. Well, it wouldn’t have taken much. Dozens of little moments could have done the trick, they just didn’t take advantage of the opportunities they had to include them. So here are some quick scenes I wrote that either tweak canon or add to it and fix what the writers botched. These are written like scripts because I just needed to get them out of me. If anyone is inspired to use these as prompts for fics, feel free!

In Neverland:

Snow: If you can’t leave this place, then I’m staying with you. I’m not losing you again.

Charming: No, you can’t do that, Emma needs you.

(tears fill Snow’s eyes)

Snow: You’re right.

Charming pulls her close

Charming: I have hope that you and Emma will find a way to bring me home. We always find each other, remember?

Later, Emma is alarmed that they are leaving her dad behind. Snow takes her face in her hands.

Snow: We’ll find a way to bring him home - together.

Emma and Snow have a conversation in 3B ( did they ever get this chance in canon? I don’t think they did.)

Snow: (rubbing her belly) I get the sense that this is bothering you.

Emma: Why would it bother me?

Snow: (touching Emma’s arm) You can tell me.

Emma: I know it sounds silly, but I feel like . . . like I’m being replaced. (her voice hitches)

Snow: Oh sweetheart, we always knew we wanted you to have siblings. You could never be replaced.

Emma: But in the echo caves, you said I wasn’t what you wanted.

Snow: (eyes widening) Oh baby, no! That’s not what I meant at all. I meant that being separated from you wasn’t what I wanted - as a mother. We deserved so much more than we had - you deserved so much more. I wanted a chance to hold a baby, see his first steps, hear his first words. I’m sure you understand.

Emma: (chokes on a sob) I do, actually. I wanted all that with Henry, but I knew he needed more than I could give. And the worst part is, these false memories of raising him? Now they’re torturing me.

Snow: (pulls Emma close and holds her) I put you through that wardrobe because I had no idea what the curse would do.

Emma: (chokes out laugh) I would still be a baby now, for one.

Snow: (pulls back and cups Emma’s face) And who knows if Regina even would have let us be together. Your father was in a coma in the hospital. I shudder to think where my precious baby Emma would have been. (She presses her forehead to Emma’s.) Nothing could ever replace you, not now, not ever. Do you hear me?

(Emma nods and smiles through her tears.)

While Charming and Emma are putting together the crib, Snow gets quiet and wistful, then tears fill her eyes.

Snow: You were supposed to be so much younger when it was time to get ready for a new brother or sister.

Emma: (pauses in what she is doing to give her mother a watery smile) I know.

At the naming ceremony:

Snow: David and I thought about all of the many people who have loved us and supported us over the years. There are two special people who have not only been our friends, but also sheltered me when I needed a home. (chuckles) And didn’t hold it against me that I was hiding in their barn stealing their eggs. So we would like to introduce: Prince Lucas!

(Ruby and Granny gasp tearfully, then rush over. Ruby hugs Snow tightly and Granny gently takes the baby.)

Granny: Well, now that he has a name, I can finally finish that baby blanket.

(The crowd in the diner laughs.)

(Now Emma doesn’t have to be reminded of her painful past/awful ex every time she says her brother’s name.)

Emma realizes she’s made her baby brother’s bottle start boiling - ignore my alliteration :) - all the other mothers in the mommy & me class gasp or recoil, but Snow reaches out gently to her daughter.

Snow: It’s okay, Emma.

Emma is freaked out that she could have hurt her brother and runs from the room while Snow shouts after her, frantically getting LUCAS (not Neal) into his stroller so she can go after her. This sufficiently establishes the fear Emma has that she will hurt her family or push them away - Snow recoiling wasn’t necessary just as it wasn’t necessary for Hook or Henry to recoil from Emma to convey the plot point.

Instead of teaching Regina to dance:

Snow: (in her chambers, sees her husband rushing to leave) Where are you going?

Charming: I just realized I never got a chance to teach my daughter to dance, (harkening back to the dream he had in 3b - HELLO writers!) and this is her first ball.

Snow grins at the excitement on his face and in his voice and rushes out with him, baby LUCAS in her arms. But when they get to Emma’s chamber, the door is ajar, and they see someone has beat them to it:

Hook: It’s a waltz Emma, remember? You’ve done this before, and splendidly I might add.

Emma: You did it splendidly, you mean. Remember, pick a partner who knows what he’s doing?

(Hook laughs, and in the doorway, Charming deflates, smiling sadly and wistfully.)

Charming: (whispering to his wife) I forgot, this isn’t her first ball after all, and she already has a teacher.

(Snow touches him in a comforting way. Across the room, Hook looks up and sees them. He catches Charming’s eyes, and a look of understanding crosses his face.)

Emma: Besides, there will be other dances besides, waltzes, right? How will I learn those in only a few hours?

Hook: Well, love, I believe reinforcements have arrived. Someone else would like a dance.

(Emma looks up as her father approaches, a smile beaming across her face. Charming is visibly choked up as he takes Emma in his arms to dance. Hook and Snow exchange emotional smiles.)

Snow: And after the dancing lessons your mother is going to help you get dressed and do your hair.

Emma: (pretending to be embarrassed) This isn’t the prom.

Snow: No, but it is our first ball together. (She’s choked up - they all are.)

In addition to these, I believe the writers should never have done the “darkness was taken out of fetus Emma” storyline. I could write an entire post on this, but all I will say here is that it harmed Snowing’s established characters and did further damage to their relationship with Emma. For no reason at all, really. (And does Emma really seem like a pure snowflake with no darkness in her? Does that even fit her character? Please.)

They also never should have added the plot point in season 6 that Snowing could have gone to little girl Emma and chose not to. Why in the world would them going to her prevent the curse from breaking? That makes no sense! They could have raised her from that point, preparing her for her 28th birthday, when they could have all returned to Storybrooke TOGETHER to wake everyone else up from the curse. The only reason that couldn’t happen was - plot. You change the entire show. So why even include this plot thread? It did nothing but make Snowing look like bad parents. I’m a mama, and let me tell you, nothing would be keeping me from my kid, curses be damned. I would have gone through that portal in a heartbeat, telling Rumple, “we’ll figure it out, see ya!” So - yeah - never should have included this. And Emma’s reaction to this revelation? Completely out of character! Ugh!

Um, so there ya go - “How the show could have been better” by Melanie. 

And reading back over this, it’s kind of a mess, but I just had THOUGHTS that needed to come out.