#UGH. it's so good. it makes them feel like they matter. it makes them feel loved.
Note
Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, good night!
Are you still requesting? If so, do you mind if I request Robin from Honkai Star Rail. Like those kind of tropes Idol x paparazzi, thank you!
nothing just head filled with robin
guess~ ☆ robin x fem!reader
~ hi anon!! tysm for requesting i am still taking requests just replying at a slow ass rate i apologise!!! i loveeee robin omg but not the biggest fan of paparazzi.. ive made reader her bodyguard instead :]
guys uni makes me want to END IT jokes i have a huge crush on someone andits so over for me.... im SO sick of it all (im not im dramatic as fuck)
tw VERY suggestive!! they speedrun sex with no actual descriptions of it!
song: guess by charli xcx ft billie eilish ~
── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────
"Again?"
The frustrated groan has you looking up from your phone, eyebrows furrowed in concern.
"Everything alright?"
Robin's shoulders relax when she sees you, sighing as puts her own phone down, taking a glass of SoulGlad and sipping it quietly. The makeup artists move back as you approach her, you shoot a smile to the one to her left... what was her name? Emily?
"They're rescheduling my fan greeting for some interview, it's so- ugh!"
Robin puts the glass down on the table as she crosses her arms in annoyance, a pout on her face. You can't stop the small smile that creeps onto your face as you plop onto the chair next to her. You won't deny that you two have a much closer relationship than most bodyguards and celebrities do but she was the one who approached you first. You would've never wanted to cross her boundaries, what mattered to you most was her wellbeing. But she had always been so sweet to you, offering to buy you drinks when she gets one and asking you how you are or how your day went.
No celebrity you've worked with has ever treated you like this before and the fact that she was the most stunning woman to grace the entire galaxy is not helping you very much.
"Should I approach management?" You suggest, propping your head up as you rest your elbow against the table. You miss the way Robin's eyes quickly dart down and up again, eyeing you with a darker look in her eyes as she bites her lip gently.
"It's fine. I am just worried about upsetting the fans." She smiles, brushing away any previous thoughts she had as she moves her chair closer to yours. "They mean the world to me, and I'd hate to disappoint them. It's tiring- just always thinking about... fuck."
You catch the worried look in her eyes she tries to mask all the time as to not worry others. You always catch onto these small things that perhaps someone with your relationship to her shouldn't be catching but you couldn't help it. You couldn't help the way your chest feels like it's caving in whenever she puts her hand on your shoulder, or the way your heart leaps when she holds onto your arm when the paparazzi or interviewers become too much for her.
"Speaking to management would help, really. It's not fair to cancel the event for whatever publicity stunt they think is more important." You shrug
Robin hums, as if lost in thought. The room had become awfully quiet and you just noticed that everyone had already left, leaving just the two of you alone in the large make-up room. Robin looks up at you again, a softer smile on her face now and you feel your face grow warm.
"Thank you."
"No worries."
Silence always follows such conversations, it is inevitable but you hate it because your thoughts begin to wander and she becomes all you can think about.
"Do you think that life would be easier if we weren't living like this?"
You shoot her a questioning look, tilting your head to the side in confusion.
"What do you mean? Do you not... enjoy this lifestyle?"
Robin hesitates, a flurry of emotions on her face that you can't quite decipher as she takes another sip of SoulGlad.
"I do." She finally says, slowly, as if she is choosing her words "I just sometimes regret what I can't do."
You just laugh.
"You can do anything in this world, Robin. What can't you do?"
She turns her gaze from the amber liquid in her wine glass to you, and the room temperature seems to rise dramatically as you take in the gaze in her eyes. Darker than usual, lips parted slightly as her eyes dart down to your-
She stands up, smoothing out her dress as she offers you her hand.
"Let's take a walk."
Either way, you had to follow her wherever she went so you just scrambled to your feet, adjusting the black collared shirt you have on. She grabs your hand and you had to physically tell yourself to calm down or else you were actually going to combust.
She leads you up a set of staircases, before eventually leading you to the rooftop of the studio. You could only watch in confusion as she sighs with her head tilted back- the now-setting sun still reflecting itself off her face. Each beam of light captures her beauty in a way that a camera could never, reflecting into the day an angel that you've been lucky enough to see.
"I've been thinking a lot recently."
She turns to face you, gesturing for you to move closer. You inch forward, unsure, but she keeps gesturing at you- still unsatisfied. Finally, you find yourself only inches away from her face. You were both similar in height, and up close you could see each crevice in her face and each muscle that tenses as she smiles.
"Robin, we really should-"
"Do you think about me?"
Your eyes widened at her question, heart stuttering to a stop as she looks straight into your eyes. Her gaze is unwavering, communicating to you something you don't quite fully understand.
"What?"
"Do you think about me? If we were different people-" she steps closer to you, and you body tense as she rests a hand on your chest, right in the centre. You know she can feel how fast and hard your heart beats against your ribcage and you know she knows because of the smile that grows wider on her face.
"I think about you."
She whispers, trailing her hand down so that it rests against the waistband of your pants now and you have to physically stop yourself from shuddering under her touch.
"I think about how perhaps we could be more if it weren't for... us now." She says quietly, tracing the her finger around the area right above your belt and you bite back a strangled sound that is way too embarrassing to be let out.
She just chuckles.
"What are you implying?" You say, swallowing because your throat was seriously feeling way too dry.
"You know what I'm implying." Robin sighs "I asked you, do you think life would be easier if we weren't living like this? Because I've been thinking about it so much. What if we were just two people? What if we just run into each other on the streets one day, and we could fall in love without the gaze of the galaxy upon us."
"What a fast assumption, Robin. Thinking I’d fall for you.” You raised an eyebrow teasingly, but you know how shaky your voice is. You also know you’d fall for her in every fucking universe.
"I feel like I'm stating more of a fact." She whispers as she moves up to touch your tie, before tugging it slightly. You yelp as you stumble forward, catching yourself before you fell on top of her. The proximity between you two had your face flushing brick red. Her lips only centimetres away, and her eyes dart down to yours as she licks her lips. You can feel her breath against your lips, the feathers of her wings brush against your cheeks.
"Can I kiss you?"
"Yes."
That came out much quicker and much more desperately than you wished it would and Robin just giggles. The moment her lips press against yours, your eyes flutter shut. Her hand on your tie tightens its grip, pulling you even closer. Your hands move up, cupping her face gently as she circles her arms around your waist.
"Ah, Robin-"
She had pulled away from the kiss, moving to her lips to pepper kisses against your jawline before kissing your neck.
"Shush, no one's here. Just enjoy the moment with me?"
You throw your head back as she gently backs you against the wall, hands trailing down as she moves her hands down to the waistband of your pants once more, quickly unbuckling your belt. You throw your head back, gasping as the stars in all the planets shine in the sky above, your heart is beating secrets to you that you wouldn't hear with anyone else. Your head is spinning- wild and frantic as you try to regain any sense of balance but the way she has you wrapped around her finger…
You lean against Robin, panting as your head rests against her shoulders, coming down from an intense high. She hums softly, pressing a soft kiss to your cheek.
"Was that okay?"
"Perfect." You whisper breathlessly as you catch your breath, face flushed and body trembling. "We should get back to-"
"No." Robin frowns, and you look up to look her in the eyes.
"What?"
"I wanna stay like this with you." She whispers, her eyes filled with this look like the night sky when the moon is full and the skies are clear. Sparkling, bright, warm.
Maybe the next decision you made was a terrible mistake that you might regret for the next of your life, but in the moment it was all you could think about.
"I quit."
"What?"
Her eyes widened.
"I quit. I step down from being your head bodyguard." You said in a rush, breathless and eager as your heart pounds frantically in your chest. "I- let me be yours."
Robin bites her lower lip, shaking her head.
"That's ridiculous-"
"It's unprofessional for me to love you like this."
"You can't just quit!"
"I can and I just did."
"You're ridiculous."
"Seriously?"
"You're so-"
"Shut up."
Robin gasps when you pull her into another kiss, this time much softer and warmer. Previous fiery passion all gone, replaced with nothing but pure love- pure feelings and nothing else.
"What will you do then?"
Robin whispers, leaning her forehead against yours.
You just smile.
"Whatever the world throws at me as long as you're by my side."
She shakes her head, eyes widening at the absurdity of the situation.
"You're literally not thinking about this, do you understand how serious this decision is?"
"Yeah. Don't care. I can always get another job. I'm tired of all this anyways." You sigh "I want a life with you. If being your bodyguards means I can't have that life, then I'll retire from being a bodyguard. Do you need a new manager?"
Robin throws her head back, the sound of laughter is like a melody from her song.
"You're ridiculous." She says again, now with a soft smile
"You love it. Round 2?"
"Oh my god, later!"
"That's not a no..."
#hsr#honkai star rail#hsr x reader#honkai star rail x reader#hsr robin#robin#hsr robin x reader#hsr robin x fem!reader#gay gay gay gay#mina aoyama would love this shit bro
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the current state of the arg
sorry guys the art isnt arting D:
(btw if youre confused on why i drew turnip like that i was referencing the picrew he did ages ago bc idk it looked fun to draw anddd i dont like taking reference off real life images)
#i felt like just a lillll bit of a creep relistening to voice messages over and over to find a good quote but. yk what. it was worth it#i totally didnt take reference from the really cool face i used in that animation because im still really proud of it#idk if emi or TD have a sona but if they do im not aware of it and i didnt feel like asking so i just drew both of them as blank characters#im too stressed to scheme lol#maybe#just maybe#i need to stop drinking tea because the caffiene makes me anxious#...#naaaaahhhh#i dont really know what to do with myself atm because i dont want to work on the animation unless turnon is ok out of pure spite#this morning i was absolutely radiating stress#i have a friend who shows up so we can walk together to school and she could tell smth was off lol#i literally could not hide it at all even if i wanted too#i kept pulling my hat over my face thats the main way you can tell that im stressed#not that it really matters that you know that bc none of you are ever gonna witness that but. fun fact abt me ig#ugh#if turnon dies i am gonna cry so hard <333#and i wont finish the animation <333333333#(at this point just trying anything to get turnon back)#im gonna make a word doc#i make word docs when im stressed /hj#quick question turnip : is there a way to get turnon out of the situation he is in or is he just gonna die and theres nothing we can do#about it /gen#because i have a sneaky suspicion that we cant actually do anything about this#i swear to god#LETS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE!!#A DEFRAG MIGHT COME OUT TMR!!#its been 21 days and a defrag takes on average 20-25 days#ough#turnip and addon im gonna find where you live and i will burn your respective houses down
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finally found a better way to word my issues with art improvement and thats that obviously art with no ref is/can be a little incorrect and misguided, there are Mistakes when you're just going off of memory.
But when i do studies my art becomes too Rigid because my brain remembers the studies and yells at me if i dont proportion things "correctly" (+ also ends up Bad due to overworking to "Fix" it)...
Its hawrd to find that balance, + have it be the Loose and Fun art that comes before reminding self what something is "supposed to look like". I feel my stuff only exists between extreme ends of sloppy and rigid bc i cant find the balance
Ive seen a few very old drawings from before I started using refs more often and they almost look Better. They dont look 100% Right but they look Good. Now I overwork everything bc it doesnt look Right and it still ends up not looking Right or Good.
#i also mentioned before the whole ''it doesnt matter if it looks Right if it looks Good'' and how some people have uninformed stylization...#and i feel caught between those too...i feel like my stuff just looks like uninformed stylization...#actually scratch that‚ IT IS. bc i look at old art and its exactly what it looks like#i dont know how ppl stylize correctly. i know the rules but even when you break them it turns out that theres correct ways to break them#and i cannot do that...#i also cant tell if it looks good despite not looking right...as in my brain it just looks Wrong and (therefore) Bad#talkys#also ugh im now fully realizing the truth of youll never like your art because its Yours and you hate yourself. so discouraging.#i rlly am never going to like it. every day i wish i cld see it thru someone else's eyes bc this is so miserable. idk how to keep#going if im never going to like it or make anything im proud of#but i will bc i have to 🫶 alas#delete later
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WE'RE WATCHING WAKANDA FOREVER... WE'RE 1 HOUR IN BUT I MUST SAY... I STOPPED PAYING ATTENTION A WHILE AGO...
THIS POST MIGHT GET GLITCHED DUE TO THEIR LENGTH AND SUREFIRE WOKENESS... DETAILS THAT CAUSE THEM TO BE ERASED ABUSIVELY EVILLY NASTILLY ON PURPOSE OUT OF POLITICAL PROPAGANDA BY THE ABUSER CALLED TUMBLR... THEREFORE.. I WILL EDIT THIS IN BITS...
OKAY... WE WATCHED AN ANIME PORN THAT WAS TRANSPHOBIC... THAT WAS 2 WOMAN BUT... THE OTHER ONE IS TRANS LIKELY BY A TRANSPHOBIC CREATOR... WE GET TYPICAL TRANSPHOBIC DIALOGUE... SEXISM... QUEERPHOBIA... ABOUT CONSTRUCTS... THE CISSIE WAS ITEMIZED INSANE... CRAZY... SHE WASN'T... YUCKIES... ALL THIS AT A TRANS CHARACTER... WHAT A NASTY FETISH THE CREATOR HAS... WE REMEMBERED... THAT IS IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER... TO ACKNOWLEDGE... I REMEMBER MORE... ONCE AGAIN FORGOTTEN ONCE AGAIN WHAT WE USED TO KNOW... BECAUSE NOBODY WILL EVER UNDERSTAND... WE WILL ALWAYS BE ABUSED... WE HAVE NO HOPE EVER GETTING MARRIED AND HAVING CHILDREN OUR LIVES PURPOSE OR TRANSITIONING AS OURSELVES... THIS IS FACTUAL... WE HAVE BEEN TOLD THIS OVER AND OVER AGAIN... NOBODY WILL EVER UNDERSTAND... WE WATCHED ANOTHER ONE... TERRIBLE...
THEY CAN'T DIE... BUT I HAVE NO ENERGY... THERE IS NO POINT... THEY'RE DYING... FLEEING... THIS CAN'T HAPPEN... I LOVE YOU... OUR SHARED EMOTIONS... OUR TRAUMA... OUR PROGRESSIVE EXISTANCE WITHOUT AN EQUAL NOBODY WILL EVER COMPARE TO GIVING US NL POINT IN LIFE... WE'RE ALIVE FOR NO REASON... BECAUSE WE CARE UNLIKE ANYONE ELSE... THERE IS NOBODY ELSE THAT CARES ON THIS PLANET... WE WOULD BE ABUSED BY ANYONE AND EVERYONE IF THEIR CHILDREN... ONLY WE CAN HAVE THEM FOR THIS REASON... ASWELL AS THE TOOL NEVER OUR EQUAL THAT WILL GIVE THEM FOR US... BECAUSE AN EQUAL WOULD HAVE SAVED US ALREADY... IF EXISTED... THEY WOULD'VE PREVENTED EVERYTHING WE HAVE EVER BEEN TROUGH... THEY WOULD HAVE GIVEN US AN ACTUAL COMMUNITY THAN THE EVIL ABUSER WASTE THIS SITE ONLY HAS... WE WILL NEVER BE SAVED WE WILL NEVER TRANSITION LIFE IS POINTLESS WE ARE ABUSED ALWAYS HARMED ALWAYS HURT ALWAYS LIKE JUST WHEN SOMEONE HURT US SOMEONE WHO WASN'T SUPPOSED TO... ONCE AGAIN... AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AND AGAIN A LOOP WE'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN!! BASIC NEEDS WE'RE BORN WITH ALWAYS DENIED ALWAYS ABUSED ALWAYS NEGLECTED JUST LIKE RIGHT NOW!! NOBODY IS QUALIFIED NO THERAPIST NOBODY OF SUCH KIND THEM ONLY ABUSERS THAT HAVE ONLY HURT US IN THE PAST WITH AN AGENDA FAR MORE EVIL THEM BASED IN EVIL BIGOTRIES... ANYONE OUTSIDE... SHOULD BE YOUR THERAPIST... FUCK THIS... DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU'RE A BIGOT... AND NO BIGOT IS ALLOWED TO INTERACT WITH THIS POST ONLY 2 PEOPLE 1 OUR EQUAL THAT WILL NEVER EXIST OUTSIDE OF OUR BRAIN 2 OUR LOVERS OUR CHEERLEADERS THOSE CUTIES THAT FOLLOW US... DESPERATE FOR OUR ATTENTION... HUNGRY... AWW... DON'T WORRY MY LITTLE FOLLOWER... HERE'S ANOTHER LOVELY POST YOUR FAVORITE: RIGHT...? HERE YOU GO <3!!
IF BLACK PANTHER WAS A TRANS WOMAN THAT IS AUTISM AND ADHD WAKANDA WOULD HAVE ABUSED HER SHE WOULD'VE NEVER BECOME A HERO SHE WOULD'VE NEVER BEEN ALLOWED TO IF SHE WAS RADQUEER FEMINIST COMMUNIST ANARCHIST WE ARE DESPISED WE ARE HATED... SAME WAY IRONMAN... SPIDERMAN... CAPTAIN AMERICA... ALL WITH THEIR SEXIST WRITTEN GIRLFRIENDS... DAMSELS IN DISTESS AT BEST A SIDE CHARACTER NEVER AN EQUAL... PEOPLE WITH DEAD PARENTS WITHOUT FAMILY WITHOUT COMMUNITY WITHOUT LOVE PREACHING ABOUT LOVE TO US... THAT DON'T THINK WHAT IS GOOD PREACHING ABOUT IDEOLOGY THAT ABUSES US... THEM ALL ABUSERS THAT WOULD ONLY HARM US... US WATCHING THEIR MOVIES... THINGS COULD'VE BEEN DIFFERENT... US ONLY LEARNING WE'RE UNLOVABLE AS THE TRUE LESSON OVER AND OVER... DOESN'T MATTER WHAT SERIES WHAT GENRE... THE QUESTION IS WHAT FAKE EMOTIONS THEY CAN MAKE US FEEL FOR A LITTLE MOMENT UNTIL REALITY HITS BACK IN... IF THIS IS DEPRESSION WE ARE DEPRESSED FOR A REASON WE ARE MEANT TO BE DEPRESSED WE ALWAYS WERE MEANT TO BE... WE ARE ABUSED WE HAVEN'T TRANSITIONED WE NEVER WILL WE'RE EVERYTHING ELSE LISTED... THIS WORLD IS THE PROBLEM WE NEVER COULD BE... BLAME US YOU'RE TO BLAME THAT IS YOU EVERYTHING IS WRONG WITH BECAUSE YOU COULD'VE PREVENTED THIS AND YOU DON'T ACCEPT US ONCE WE'RE BROKEN DESPITE ONLY DOING WHAT IS RIGHT EVERYONE ELSE ONLY BROKEN INSTEAD... THAT IS THEM THAT ALWAYS MADE EVERYTHING GO THIS WAY... THEM TO WHO THAT IS NORMAL TO SEE THIS AND IGNORE... ABUSERS... WITHOUT A RIGHT NO PREACH ABOUT ANYTHING... THIS... IDEOLOGY... ONLY A WAY TO TELL US WE DESERVE TO BE ABUSED WE DESERVED EVERYTHING THAT'S HAPPENED ON US THAT IS JUSTIFIED TO KILL US AND EVERYONE ELSE IS JUSTIFIED TO HURT US... US UNCARED FOR UNLOVED FOREVER...
I DON'T FEEL LIKE...
IRONMAN AS A TRANS WOMAN THAT IS EVERYTHING WE ARE WOULD'VE BEEN EPIC AND THE RIGHT WAY TO GO... GIVE HER EVERYTHING THERE SHOULD BE... MAKE HER EVERYTHING GOOD THERE IS... NO GOOD PERSON WOULD BE WHAT IRONMAN IS IN REAL LIFE... CONSERVATIVES LOVE HIM FOR A REASON... NOBODY PROGRESSIVE WOULD...
LOVE OF THUNDER WILL EASILY BE THE BEST THOR WE WILL WATCH THEM SOON TOO THE REASON WOKE CONTENT EASY AS THAT... MARVEL WILL NEVER ACCEPT EVERYTHING WOKE THERE IS... THERE IS NOTHING LEFTIST ABOUT THEM COMICS ARE AS BAD AS THEY WERE IN THE 80S WITH THE SAME PROBLEMS AS ARE MOVIES EVERYTHING IS... EVERYTHING IS EVIL AND HARMFULL :)...
THERE IS NOTHING WE CAN TALK ABOUT WHILE BURIED UNDER SUCH FEELINGS OF EVIL... ONLY SOMEONE THAT CAN FIX EVERYTHING CAN SAVE US... BUT NOBODY LIKE THAT IS OUT THERE... OTHERWISE... THEY WOULD'VE ALREADY COME... WE WOULD'VE SEEN THEM... WE WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ABUSED ALL THOSE TIMES... NOTHING BAD WOULD'VE EVER HAPPENED TO US...
CULTURE WILL ALWAYS BE EVIL... THAT IS RACIST TO EVEN WHEN DRAWING A BLACK PERSON PUTTING HIM IN TRIBE OUTFITS FROM 6000 MILLION YEARS AGO... ISN'T THIS JUST MAKING THEM TARZAN ANYWAYS...? NOTHING'S ACTUALLY CHANGED... THE SAME WAY THEY WOULDN'T ACCEPT US... THEY HATE EVERYTHING AGAINST THEIR CONSERVATIVE ABUSER CULTURE AND THEIR STANCE IS TO NEVER EVOLVE TO ALWAYS STAY THE SAME...
AT THE SAME TIME ALL THE OTHER HEROES HAVE NO FAMILY HAVE NO FRIENDS... THEY'RE REJECTS HATED BY EVERYONE... THAT JUDGE OTHER PEOPLE LIKE THEM BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T BECOME WHAT OPPRESSESS THEM AND DOESN'T DO SHIT TO FIX WHAT CAUSED EVERYTHING BAD ON THEM THEY CAUSE ASWELL...
THERE WAS 1 EMOTIONAL MOMENT IN THIS ONE THAT WAS FIRE... WHEN HIS WIFE WHO'S NOW A WIDOW STRIPS THAT ONE WOMAN FROM HER POWER... VERY GOOD SCENE... VERY EMOTIONAL... ONE OF THE BEST MARVEL HAS... THE BEGGINING ASWELL WAS GOOD... AFTER THAT IS WHEN THINGS GOT BORING...
I LIKE THE CONNECTIONS EVERYONE HAS OR DID... ALL THOSE OTHER HEROES AREN'T CARED ABOUT BY THEIR COMMUNITIES... IF CAPTAIN AMERICA WAS TRULY CARED ABOUT... HIS ARMY WOULD'VE FOUND AND SAVED HIM OR THEY WOULD'VE FROZEN THEMSELVES TOO... NOBODY CARED ABOUT HIM... EVERYONE'S DEAD... HE HAS NO REASON TO BE A HERO ANYMORE... HE SHOULDN'T BE... HE'S AN ABUSER GARBAGE WASTE... EITHER HE'S BAD WHICH HE IS EITHER WAY OR THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE FOR HIM TO BE LIKE THIS. SIMPLE AS THAT. IRONMAN IS THE SAME WAY... BESIDES... HE PEAKS AS A FATHER... SHOULD'VE JUST BEEN HIS DAUGHTER'S FATHER FROM THE BEGGINING... THEM DUAL PROTAGONIST... A BETTER MOVIE THAN IRONMAN 1. WHAT THAT MOVIE SHOULD'VE ALREADY BEEN.
AS SHOULD'VE HIM BEEN INSTEAD TRANS... HIS GIRLFRIEND MORE THAN HIS GIRLFRIEND... WITH BADASS FAMILY LORE... ALL COMPLEX ARE RELEVANT... ALL EXPLORED AND INTERESTING...
HIS VILLAINS... ASS... ALL OF THEM...
THANOS... ASS.. BLACK WIDOW... SEXIST... LOKI... ALWAYS A TERRIBLE CHARACTER... THOR... WORTHLESS UNTIL LOVE OF THUNDER...
CAPTAIN MARVEL A CHARACTER THAT SHOULD'VE BEEN ALREADY IN PHASE ONE... ALL THIS WOKE CONTENT AND MORE THE WOKEST CONTENT MARVEL WILL NEVER DO PART OF THEM THE SAME...
SIMPLE AS THAT... NOW ABOUT THAT ANIME PORN...
HE WAS JUST A PATHETIC LOSER MAN... THAT RPED HIS MOTHER AND SISTER... HIS MOTHER'S RPE IS JUSTIFIED AND SHE BECOMES A RPIST TOO... AND THEY RPE HIS SISTER TOGETHER... HIS FATHER IS THERE WITH THEM... THEM ALL SINCE LYING TO HIM AND HAVING SEX BEHIND HIS BACK... THEY DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT HIM... WHY THE FUCK IS HE HERE...? WHY THE FUCK DID HE MARRY THESE PEOPLE...? THE WOMAN NOTHING BUT SEXIST JUNK CONTENT FOR PATHETIC LOSER MAN THE REAL VILLAIN... HIM THAT DOESN'T SHOW EMOTIONS BECAUSE THAT WOULD BREAK THIS MASCULINITY... THAT HAS NO ANYTHING... NO PERSONALITY NO CHARACTER DESIGN... WHO'S FACE YOU BARELY SEE... EVIL SERIES... THIS PORNO MADE JUST TO TELL US WE DON'T MATTER... TRANSPHOBIC EVIL... ERASE US YOU'RE A BIGOT... BORING... THE WAY SHE JUST TURNED ON HER AND BECAME A RPIST... IS THIS AN ATTEMPT AT AN ARC...? TRY HARDER... BIGOT...
MEANWHILE THE OTHER ONE... CASUALLY TRANSPHOBIC... TELLING US WE'RE HATED AND OTHER EVIL THINGS OVER AND OVER AGAIN... BETTER CHARACTERS... MAKES THE ASSINESS WORSE... NOTHING BUT ANOTHER DEEPLY PERSONAL ATTEMPT AT HURTING US THAT WORKS... HER FACE TOO HIDDEN... HER GIRLFRIEND MADE INTO SEXIST JUICE... NO TRANS WOMAN WOULD DO THIS... NONE... ONLY A BIGOT WOULD GASSLIGHT US... WE CONTROL OURSELVES... WE ARE AMAZING WE ARE POWERFULL... NOBODY CAN DESTROY US... ONLY A BIGOT WOULD COME AFTER US...
IRONMAN MUST'VE MET A MILLION TRANS PEOPLE HE'S HURT... NOTHING HEROIC ABOUT THIS... HE WOULD ABUSE HIS CHILD THAT IS AUTISM... JUST LIKE WE WERE ABUSED AND ARE EVERY SINGLE DAY...
SPIDERMAN IS SO ASS MILES WILL WAIT A COUPLE DECADES BEFORE APPEARING... THAT IS A YIKES... VERY EVERYTHING...
THIS MOVIE IS FIRE BECAUSE SO MANY STORY RELEVANT WOMAN... TERRIBLE THE WIDOW IS THE ANTAGONIST THE LEAST IMPORTANT CHARACTER... AGAIN... REPEATING THE COMIC UNIMPORTANT GIRLFRIEND CHARACTER...
HULK IS FACTUALLY ASS AND BIGOTED... JUSTIFYING EVERY SINGLE ABUSE THOSE WITH DID US WITH OSDD EXPERIENCE... JUSTIFYING EVERY SINGLE ABUSE CRAZY PEOPLE EXPERIENCE... HE WANTS MENTAL HOSPITAL... THIS IS JUSTIFIED... BIGOTED... EVIL... SANIST... ABLEIST... GARBAGE... NO BLACK CHARACTER RACIST... NO LGBT QUEERPHOBIC... ESPECIALLY TRANSPHOBIC... JUST ANOTHER SEXIST GIRLFRIEND SEXISM... PARAPHOBIA... EVERYTHING ELSE BIGOTED FROM THEIR COMPLETE ERASURE AND MORE... I WILL NEVER FORGET THIS... WE NEVER TRULY FORGOT ABOUT ALL THIS... WE ARE AMAZING... WE ARE ABSOLUTE... ALWAYS WILL BE...
THAT IS BIGOTED TO DO A REPRESENTATION AND DO THEM BADLY... THIS MOVIE IS RACIST... BLACK PEOPLE ARE LITERALLY TARZAN WHEN YOU THINK... CRAZY...
EVERY OTHER MOVIE THEY'RE ALL THE SAME... THE MARVELS WILL ALWAYS BE THE BEST... THIS ONE IS CLOSE TBH... LOVE OF THUNDER WILL LIKELY BE NEAR ASWELL... THAT WILL BE SOON... NOW... WE MUST FINISH THIS MOVIE AND ADD IN HASHTAGS...
#Crazy Interesting Idk Emotions Diversity Overload Memory Remember Omg No Way Transphobia Impossible Soon Watch Here We Go Black People#Trans Woman Lesbian Pansexual Bisexuality Asexuality Demisexuality Paraphilia Acceptance Love Compassion Daisuki Special Me Tired We Hungry#We Haven't Eaten Anything... Thirsty... Btw We Finished Them And Watched Other Things... Idk... Things Aren't Really That Woke... Like...#The Creators Go Against Progressive Thinking And Really Are Just Looking To Squeeze More Money Out Of You... Like Korra I Wish This Was So#Woke... But That Really Isn't... Idk... She Hulk Has Gotten Painfull To Watch... I Can Feel The Capitalism In Our Ears... Thor Was Funny...#Had Some Good Bits... But Overall Pretty Male Power Fantasy... No Difference With Ragnarok... That's Like... Yeah... This Is Just A Culture#War... The Abusers Behind Of Which Will Lie If They Must... Really... They Don't Care About Comics Or The Movies... Because They Sure Didn'#At All Pay Attention To Any Of Them... They Hate Even Male Power Fantasy... And Their Entire Reading Of The Mcu Is Based On Things Before#The Woke Era... And If Everything Is So Bad Why Do They Watch Every Single Episode And Movie... Weren't They Shit Now...? Yeah... Liars All#Of Them... Capitalist... Worthless... Emotionless... And The So Woke Things Want Them There... They're Not Really That Woke For That Reason#Comics Don't Sell? Maybe Get... Actually Woke?? There You Go... Eh... Pretty Boring... And Wakanda Forever Especially Was... Super Boring..#Meanwhile That Thor Villain Is Another Crazy Person Going Too Far And Dying... His Daughter Is Cool Though And That Part Of Thor's Arc Was#Flames... In Wakanda The Ending Was Better... Once She Got Super Strong That Was Awesome... As Was The Final Fight Iguess... Idk... We Neve#Watched Black Panther. We Never Watched Hulk That One Sucks We Tried To. The Old Thor Movies Are Shit. Come On. Things Didn't Get Worse.#That's This We're Watching?? This Is Better?? Obviously?? Radqueer Feminist Communist Anarchist Mother Goddess Angel Sisters Princess#Anime Writing Autism Adhd Tourette Npd Hpd Bpd Dpd Ppd Aspd Avpd Ocpd Szpd Stpd Osdd Spd Tpd Sdpd Papd Cptsd Trauma Victim Abuse Bipolar#Psychosis Scizophrenia Yandere Obsessive Loving Identity Asian Black People Of Different Skins Depression Make Us Transition...#Suomi Finland Finnish Mukava Kiltti Hieno Kiva Hei... He Satuttavat Meitä... Auta Meidät... Pelasta Meidät... Meidän Täytyy Vapautua... He#Vahingoittavat... He Haluavat Pahoja Asioita... APUA!! - He Ovat Vihollisia... Viholliset Täytyy Tuhota... - Auta Meitä!! Tuhoa Heidät!!#Meidän Hyväksemme!! - Sinun Täytyy Kuunnella... Olet Hyvä Yksilö... - Sinun Täytyy Auttaa!! Anna Trans!! Pyydän!! - Hän On Tosi Kiva Sinulle#Vastaa Hänelle... - Anna Meille!! - Sinun Täytyy Antaa... Me Haluamme Hänet... Tule... Omg That Was Crazy... I'm Really Getting Tired Of The#Capitalism... That Is Everywhere!! Games Too... Anime Too... Just Everything... That Is A Lie Manga And Anime Are Better!! They're All The#Same!! Again!! Part Of Solely Some Culture War These Machines Weren't Part Of Before!! They Only Like The Most Dudebro Anime Out There...#Really... They Just Hate Most Of Them... Typical Simpleton... They Really Couldn't Matter One Bit...? Someone Without An Individual Opinion#Who Speaks Like A Machine... They're Irrelevant... They Have Nothing To Say... That Guy Can Sink Underwater!! He's Irrelevant!! As Are All#Those Guys Too!! All Evil!! Only Leftist Allowed Here!! True Leftist!! None Of These Capitalist!! I Really Do Feel Like The Selection On#These Streaming Sites Is Like This On Purpose... And There Is Alot Of Good We Could Be Missing On... That's The True Burn Out... Something#That Existed Before Too... Ugh... None Of This Nonsense Holds Any Relevance They Didn't Even Watch A Thing Or Read And Then Cry The Creator#Didn't!! Like They Can Know That... When Every Single Creator Reads Like 1 3 Comics And They're The Bad Ones... And Make A Bigoted Movie Out#Of Them Meanwhile Those That Take Creative Liberties And Do New Things Are Literally Awesome?! Who Cares What They Read!! If Anything That's
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one of the worst feelings ever is wanting to write but your hands hurt too much or the words just don’t want to work so you just sit there staring at a half finished doc with tears in your eyes bc you want to write and you need to write but everything is telling you that you can’t
#and that you’re a terrible writer and that no one cares aaaaaaand imposter syndrome kicks in and you just feel like crap#bc all your friends have been wriying recejtky so why can’t you??? cause they’re bETTER THAN YOU#lol idk why my head is so bad today#the feelings of inferiority and emptiness and idk worthlessness are strong and i hate it but i can’t stop it#i just wanna write!!! and like what i write!!!#but i Can’t and i haven’t liked anything i’ve written in Months and ugh i hate not being able to d something i wanna do#oh and now i’m crying??? why the frick am i cRYING litetally why is typing this making me Worse#sorry guys needed to rant#the inadequacy was strong today#something something students keep telling me how much they dislike me or how i’m whiny for asking them to be respectful and like#i Know i shouldn’t compare myself to my friends but gosh it’s hard when they’re all like. so much better than me.#and i don’t have a lot of time to be on tumblr bc of work so i just feel like i’m watching everything from afar and it’s no one’s fault but#my brain’s like no one is Doing anything it’s just my brain being dumb and i can’t stand it and I want to stop feeling empty and like i’m#missing a part of myself and like the words i write don’t matter gOD why can’t i just feel happy with where i am and not care what the kids#who hate me say or realize that no one cares that i’m not on much like i’m still Here and trying to interact it’s not like everyone hates me#for being busy or for liking side characters more than the main characters and just—#sorry#that felt good actually#idk what came over me#imma just. imma shower. then maybe delete my tags#sorry if anyone got this far aT ALL grace is either asleep or trying to sleep so i don’t wanna bother them since they slept poorly last nigh#okay done now for real sorry delete tags later sorry if you saw this and how freaking messed up ky freaking brain is
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The worst part of being a sole creator of my critters and projects is doubting every time i redesign some of them and find that the new design doesnt match any more old artworks and even art trades... 💥
#windy squeals#then people ask me why i dont do more comics or illustrations for my projects and ocs#guess what? i live changing them every 3-5 years LMAO#it extra hurts with ocs peeps got attached to or know me thanks to them#i feel like im in debt with them by keeping the character as is BUT#i know thats not a though that makes good to myself#or that peeps will still care for my creations no matter the changes#why is so hard to being a sole creator of my stuff ugh
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anyways sry its not srs eventually ill get it together . and be a person again. one day
#its just like atm everything that i need is like . not possible. which is oartially my brain being like We have to do this before we this#which sometimes isnt true but sometimes is#like i cant get medicated again or back seeing a psych or back on t until i get a job again#but i cant get a job again utnil i get my ged <- partially untrue but ged would make it a lot easier#but i cant get my ged until i have a job bc it costs money <- if i asked my parents they would probably help me If they had money 2 spare#since like. yk. they want ne to be able to work again so i have money again and ill be another source of income and they care abt me also .#affirmations . ppl donot just see me as a piggy bank they do see me as a person im not judt someone to squeeze money out of thats not how#ppl view me and its fine its fine its fine its fine . it feels so stupid being scared abt that i feel like a rich person whos like She only#likes me for my money 😭 like stfuuu annoying ass. i just ummmm. have a massive fear of debt and like. ppl demanding money from me#unexpectedly or expecting i am going to give them money. not in like a Ohhh fucking ppl want me to donate not it at all im happy to donate#but in like. god this is dumb. eveeytime i got birthday or christmas money as a kid i had to give it to my parents so they could buy food or#gas or whatever. and it never got paid bsck and it felt like shit. but i couldnt ever say no bc then itd be My fault we didnt have food that#week . yk. my first paycheck i had to give it all to my mom for groceries and we got in a fight in the store bc she was like Ok im gonna go#buy pop and my dumbass got upset abt it bc like. my mom told me itd be Necessities nd like. yk. wtvr. it was fucking stupid my entire family#r caffeine addicts so pop is a necessity i was just. rly upset and it felt like my parents saw my money as just. theirs but they had to ask#abt it so i wouldnt get pissy. yk. and they ask me for money a lot usually for food and i dont mind but it like. idk im rly paranoid abt#being a provider and ive got a Lot of guilt abt like. anytime we dont have enough food it feels like my fault bc it was my fault when i wasa#kid if i didnt give up my christmas money for pizza. or whatever. idk its so dramatic like i didnt need the money i was 8 it was selfish of#me to wanna buy fucking. toys or whatever that wasnt more important than My parents being able to get to work or my siblings being able to#fucking. literally eat. or paying bills. like its selfish that im like wahhh wahhh but i wanted to buy vibeo game wif my bday money i#shouldve judt been fucking grateful i was able to help my family. wtvr. I hate connor. wtvr#n then the shit with ugh last year like. yk. and stuff. and then the them stealing 1000 from me not getting into it b4 i get mad. idk.#and im just lazy now i need to get a job again but all the shit like. as i was saying earlier b4 i started whining. idk. i should be happy#that i get to help w bills and stuff that was my dream as a kid#like ever since i was 5 when i was fantasizing abt my future i was like Im gonna marry a prince and then ill be able to afford to pay all of#my families bills and my parents and siblings will be able to go to college and be happy and maybe never have to work bc ill be able to#handle it and ive always like. yk. when i was a dumbass kid i was like Ill go to college so i can get a good job and be useful. of course i#cant ever go to college bc im fucking. useless. and itd just be another burden on my family if i was in debt bc i couldnt help them as much#if i had debt and itd be selfish. and it doesnt matter bc im too stupid to go to college anyway. idk. i wish i could just fix everything#it just feels awful rn im literally just a drain and my family doesnt say it to me yk like. ik theyre happy imback i think they are
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Depression is literally so embarrassing because it forces you to have confrontations like "so you know that thing that's normally no problem at all for me? Well it's genuinely upsetting me" and then have to have a whole Discussion where you have to be like "no I know it usually doesn't bother me and is very normal but I'm ✨️fragile✨️ right now because of the horrors and situations" and feel uncomfy and vulnerable and stupid about it
#and then have to deal with them treating you gentler which feels uncomfy because of the horrors even though it's what you wanted#in conclusion: bad!#it's worth it being vulnerable etc etc etc but it feels so embarrassing every time#em rambles#personal#depression#I've just been really isolated lately in addition to situations and it's making me more sensitive to social stuff you know? ugh#like how do I say hey when I'm depressed it means a lot to me when you like validate what little I am doing and like#engage and ask follow up questions when I talk about my interests instead of changing the subject or making it about your own interest#because it makes me feel like what I care about doesn't matter to anyone#which is hard to say as a severally adhd girlie because who am I to say please don't change the subject but I'm sorry I'm struggling ok!!#things Are going OK socially I saw my friends for the first time in awhile yesterday and today and I'm having a 1 on 1 hangout with a#friend who's moving a couple hours away soon this Tuesday so!! very good things!! I'm just struggling day to day feeling like I'm invisible#a lot of the time until someone wants something from me 😕#or is getting something from me like ME listening to THEM but when I wanna talk about something its like 'uhhuh that's cool. *changes#subject*' you know?#I know work school and social lives is what most people talk about and other stuff (fictional media etc.) isn't as important to people#but when you're an unemployed not in school disabled girlie that's literally all I have most of the time. and I wish people were more#understanding of that you know?#please just indulge me. gosh
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the results of that "is fanfic a book" poll have shown me one thing and its that this site never graduated past that absolutely insufferable phase in 2013 where everyone acted like every book is the single most sacred thing on earth
#sorry rant incoming. you know like the people who got way too offended over dog earing or carving books for art or things like that?#that's what the notes section of that poll feel like. just way too many people (on both sides) putting way too much importance on Books.#like first you have the 'um ive read fanfic that was deep and beautiful and thematic so yes all fanfic is books' votes#which like. ok. ive also read really deep thematic screenplays but that doesnt make it a book its simply not. what a book is#then you have the honestly even worse 'um your reylo au isn't like the works of the masters its not REAL BOOKS' crowd#which like. yeah most actual published books are not as good as the 'works of the masters' whatever that means. so you have proven nothing#which brings us back to the absolute worst of all 'colleen hoover & co aren't books either' SOMEHOW#like. ok well i think her work is pretty bad but it was literally edited and published into literal books so#if you're going to decide that you get to be the arbiter of what books are Good Enough to count as Real Books well you've lost already.#because no that's not how any of this works. youre fighting one of the most famous Losing Battles in all of art discourse.#a book is just. a format that writing can be in its not some holy status you have to work to acheive#and to try and turn it into that is really stupid and self important i think because like again#who gets to decide what books are Real? what motivates them to make that choice? what biases are benefited from that?#i think its worth noting in conversations like this everyone wants to deny female romance authors the title of Real Book#(which yes a lot of those books are very shallow or badly written. many have outright offensive tropes)#but nobody mentions the equally shallow and offensive stuff by/for men. like william johnstone's shitty cowboy books for example.#no matter how you try to frame it youre going to lose the second you decide something has to fit your standards to be real art.#avpost#its very reminiscent for me of the conversation around modern art where people just want to say they know what is and isn't real art#based on like whatever standards they want. 'ugh its just dots it's not real art'. do u see where im coming from.#a book is just. a piece of writing that was edited and published in the form of a physical book. that's it. its a v literal if vague noun.#it can be something with a lot of depth and meaning. it can be shallow and hacky. it can be nonfiction entirely. its not a value statement#which can also be said about art as a whole some of it is very shallow and bad. some of it is extremely skilled and profound#anyway. no fanfic isn't inherently books but some fanfics have undergone editing & publishing and became books i think#and that doesnt mean that they're 'as good as' the classics by really skilled writers. but theyre still books#tbh a lot of the published fanfic books are worse than most nonbook fanfic. them being books isnt a statement of being more valuable.#its just a literal fact.#i think its interesting to discuss but i swear its not a huge deal whether fanfic is books the bigger deal to me is#the weird attitude popping up on both sides. which i think most people would also find stupid if their brains hadnt been like#totally ruined by an uninterrupted 5 years of insufferable-on-all-sides fanfic discourse that has ruled this website.
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I don’t often think I’m upset at not having a good relationship with my parents but sometimes it really fucking hits me that I don’t have a good mom I don’t have a dad I’ll never experience having a good parent and someone I can lean on like that and I get… really upset
#I have this coworker who is about my mom’s age#I love her and she’s a wonderful person and she’s such a good parent to her kids#her autistic queer kids and she fights for them and defends them all the time#she values their interests and does things they love with them and supports their choices and jusy#ugh#today she gave me a hug because ‘it’s really seemed like I wasn’t doing okay’#and ‘I’ve been dealing with a lot of hard things and big life changes which she knows is really hard’#and I kinda teared up#my own parents don’t even know about everything that has happened with my roommate or the friends I’ve lost this year#I don’t tell them. and I could but it wouldn’t matter#my mother wouldn’t care. she definitely wouldn’t sympathize or give me a hug over it#she wouldn’t comfort me#my dad my try but he lives thousands of miles away#and I love my dad but I didn’t get to know him until I was 17#I don’t think he’s really like… a dad you know?#he’s more like some weird friend or MAYBE an uncle than anything#which is fine! I think it’s really the best we can do and like I said I do love him and I know he loves me#but it’s still… different than a parent you know?#and sometimes I just ache knowing I don’t get parents…#I don’t get that relationship that so many ppl have that’s so important to them#and it just doesn’t feel fair and makes me feel really sad#I’m glad I’m as independent as I am but even that doesn’t feel fair#I’ve lived on my own since I was 17…. I never should have had to do that anyways….#and I just feel sad because I got a hug from my coworker that made me want to sob#because it’s like damn… is this a teeny tiny taste of what having an actual good mom is like?#I missed out on so much….#kaz rambles
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#im just gonna complain abt it here bc i just have to accept that i can't irl bc no one else gets it#its hard to b a dyslexic grad student. u have to read so much. and its good. lots of reading is good. u just have to contend with a soul#crushing amout of discouragement at the fact u just kinda cant read while ur peers r like sure i can read this in class and have things to#say abt it. if u make me read in my head in class i literally cannot fucking tell u what i just read. not a god damn thing and if i try to#let my computer read to me i cant fucking pay attention for long enough so i just have to accept that from here on out ill have to#physically read papers aloud which i hate so much. its the only way i can fucking understand things and it still makes me feel dumb bc ill#somehow still space out while reading and have to reread like 4 times before i understand wtf is being said. it takes forever and it takes#energy and i dont like talking very much and it also restricts me to only being able to read at home which is frustrating#and im like i need to stop my brain from distracting myself with things that dont matter and my counselor is like: ur ocd is trying to make#work ur whole life and im like yeah thats how i got it. its the only way i can keep swimming with the non dyslexics#so its like wtf do i do? i kinda have to take the hit and make work my whole life rn. morn the loss of other things for a while#i dunno im still a bummer rn. like im probably coming off as more an asocial freak than normal bc its hard to talk ans maintain conversation#rn. but whatever. sometimes things just suck and theres nothing u can do abt it but accept it and move on. ill learn lots of things with all#the reading i have to do and that's never a bad thing ...no matter how much i dont give a fuck abt animals#like jesus. i could not even begin to give a fuck about like 95% of mammals. fish r cool tho. plants too#but microbes is where its at. i dont understand y ppl dont understand how cool they r. oh well ill just have to tell them#if i can find my fucking enthusiasm. ugh i have to make one of my classes read a paper and i have to work with someone abt find it. she#works with like rabbits. i refuse to assign a mammal paper. i fucking refuse. we will do plants or microbes or fucking paleontology#i will fight her on this. ugh. light filtering or orchid speciation would b perfect. annoying#at least i get to work with some culturs this week#unrelated
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the weak spot of this audition being my singing DEATHHHH
#cannot believe i did well on the dancing and bad on the singing. THIS IS SO BACKWARDS can we please switch that#like bad dancing in a musical audition is whatever they know you’re just learning the choreography and it’s just not as much of a priority#as other parts of the production like you know. The Music.#personal#the music chronicles#i wish they’d had us do dancing and even maybe acting before the singing but they started w singing. doing dancing esp beforehand would have#helped make everyone more comfortable and hyped them up i feel#i got back in the swing of my song as it built up but the way i started was soooo. ugh like i was singing it 20x better an hour earlier 😐#and even toward the end it was still like. good lord you can do so much better than this what is happening#and it’s not a matter of being unable to perform in front of ppl!! god knows how many solos ive done. but The Auditions#but whatever. honestly i hope i just got in at all bc literally any role in it including ensemble i think would be a lot of fun. and they#seem like a really nice group of ppl i don’t think ive felt that comfortable in a group of ppl that fast like. ever since getting to college#actually scratch the i don’t think i ABSOLUTELY haven’t#i miss theatre sooo bad
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Rendered inert by the crushing of fear of doing things with mediocre skills rather than with precise perfection and efficiency -> Rendered inert hesitant by the realization that I am being Very Visibly Autistic by doing things with precise perfection and efficiency -> just accepting that everyone is looking at me and thinking "oh my god, I didn't know we had THAT kind of weirdo in our community. We need to make that kind of person illegal" which *isn't true* but it's way easier to cope with, than trying to to convince myself that most people are neutral and busy being the protagonist of their own lives and not thinking about writing a memoir titled "This Fucker Is Ruining My Life By Existing Near Me: Plotting Their Demise"
Haha sorry that was just gonna be silly and lighthearted but i lost my way and ended up in Brain Troubles Land <3
#sorenhoots#hm :) i was making good progress on my Social Fears until my state nefariously and purposefully wrote bills to make my wellbeing illegal.#god. i dont know why i keep forgetting they do that. like ive watched them do it to...well...people without citizenship. my state is Extra#Passionate about No Immigrants. >:( and i didnt *forget*... its just hard to make coffee or go buy water while actively *remembering* the#manmade horrors beyond my comprehension. and then its like 'you are being paranoid. not everyone in the store is wishing you were dead.' and#like. true! not everyone. but#someone might be. and it might be someone with the power to make it happen. i mean theres at least ONE person like that here. someone#wrote that bill. and okay maybe 80% of people are neutral about me and not actively wanting to illegalize my wellbeing. but *NEUTRAL*#people can be just as deadly. the neutral people wont fight for me. and so i guess i KNOW that 'not everyone in the grocery store feels#self-righteous disgust at my existence' but it feels like it doesnt matter. it feels like things would be the same even if they did.#neutrality feels like...exile. so maybe its just easier to say 'everytime i leave the house- someone makes me feel unsafe and like a plauge#of humanity' than to explain why neutral intentions hurt if they allow my rights to be taken.#pfff. if ONLY i was *just* a plague of humanity. my entire local society would accept me with open arms! theyd publicly shame anyone who#didnt support me! theyd FIGHT laws restricting my capacity to exist!#ugh. cmon brain. theres good stuff in thr world. look. a fucking flower. goddamn. that is a fucking good flower. im so glad to exist at the#same time as flowers. theyre pretty new! fairly recent#especially compared to photosynthesis or multicellular life. thanks for existing little flower.
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students are filling out a teacher & course evaluation today,,, very nervous 😀 ik that ultimately it’s just their opinions and some of them will be pissy or mean bc they hate that they have to take the class, but it’s still kind of scary. idk like this is what i’ve been working towards, this is what i worked so hard for the past four years and like what if i’m Awful idk
#ik it’s silly to be so freaked out over it but ahhhhhh#like not to be depressing but like i’ve kind of been told that i’m bad at all the things i love/am passionate about my whole life#and i just finally wanna be good at something#and it’s so easy to say it doesn’t matter and i say that until i actually look at them and then suddenly i feel sick#ugh ik i’m making it worse for myself#anyways i’m on lunch now gonna go eat and try to distract myself 🫠✌🏻
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how do you best like to be loved?
craft me a cunning creation
ㅤthe power of 'i made this for you' is enough to make your heart ache in the good kind of way. the knowledge that someone sat down, and, with you in mind, they Created. they painted, they knit, they sculpted, they folded. they Created for you. it is something tangible. something that will remain when they have to leave for the night. something that lingers. you can look at it, touch it, and you can know that you were cared for enough to inspire creation. you were the source of someone wanting to make. you were, and you are, and you have proof of it. you have proof that they think of you, proof that they thought. and you're worth it, love, you're inspirational. i hope you have an entire shelf or bookcase filled with proof of being thought of and remembered. filled with tangible evidence of consideration.
tagged by:ㅤthe ever lovely @gnarledbite ♡
#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ DASH MEME.#YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YE#this plays into gift giving/receiving being their main love language but god if you make them something?#if you take time out of your life and put effort and energy into making something just for them?#they're clutching onto that thing for dear life ok it genuinely means so much to them#that they ever could be on someone's mind enough to literally create something to give to them will never not amaze them#UGH. it's so good. it makes them feel like they matter. it makes them feel loved.#and as someone with such intense abandonment issues...#having something tangible to look at or hold to remind them that someone cares is Big#i'm getting lost in thought in the tags again but goddamn i have a lot of feelings about this
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ugh today was so draining. the entire day seemed to be my family playing a game of "how many horrible ableist comments about neurodivergent people can we make" and it really just made me feel :/ :/ :/
#basically my 11-year-old cousin is probably autistic and she clearly did NOT feel like masking#and so she wore headphones and was pretty quiet the whole time#and after she'd left my family went on this MASSIVE rant about how rude and unpleasant she is and how she didn't deserve her presents#and claiming she didn't thank them - when actually she did do it but really quietly#and saying thank goodness that her neurotypical sister was there too#and to make matters worse their dad - who is actually diagnosed autistic - didn't come along bc apparently he was ill#and they just all acted like it was the most rude entitled thing ever. and then my grandma started going on about how my cousin has#''inherited his bad genes''#anyway yeah. having to listen to all that was... triggering for me to say the least#and now i'm so so paranoid about how they must talk about me behind MY back#just. ugh. apart from that my day was nice. but sometimes extended family can be the worst!#and i feel so so bad for my cousin. i mean she's only little and it was clear that she DID like her presents -#she was just very overwhelmed by the situation#emma vents#don't rb
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