#Unrelated but I always wondered if the child in the original story was real

[nuttersincorporated]

The Narrator wanted to found Omelas and the Contrarian would choose to walk away

There is a short story by Ursula K. Le Guin called ‘The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas’. You can read it here or listen to it here.

The basic summery is that Omelas is a wonderful city. People are happy, kind and intelligent. The arts and science are celebrated and people can pursue their passions. There are no kings, police or army because they aren’t needed.

However, for all this to work, one child is locked in a basement. They are frightened, abused and underfed. Everyone knows that the child is there and they all accept it. The child must suffer so that everyone else can be happy.

If the child leaves the basement or is ever shown any kindness at all, then the good fortune and happiness of everyone in Omelas ends. Omelas would become like any other city. Instead of one child suffering and everyone else being happy, most of the population would suffer so that – like in the real world – 1% of people could have their every whim satisfied.

Everyone in Omelas knows that the child is there. A lot of them go to see the child but even those that don’t know the child suffers for them to be happy.

Sometimes, someone in Omelas will go quiet for a few days before they leave Omelas forever. Where they go to no one knows, it is a place even less imaginable than Omelas.

Anyway, the point of all this is that the Narrator is trying to turn the universe into Omelas. One person has to suffer so that everyone else can be happy. Unlike the child in the original story, the Princess wouldn’t even have to suffer for very long. She would die and then everyone else would be saved.

I think the Contrarian would be one of the people that walk away from Omelas. He thinks everything is all fun and games and enjoys annoy people. However, the moment he realises that his actions have actual consequences and that the Princess is being hurt by them, he stops and wants to help.

I think, if he was in Omelas, since he couldn’t save the child, he would choose to leave rather than be part of the reason the child has to suffer. For the same reason, if he had to slay the Princess to ensure everyone else’s happiness or save her a damn everyone else, I think he’d choose to leave. Even if he can’t save her, he wouldn’t want to be one of the people she had to suffer for.

[cryptiql]

untitled god song

pairing: bakugou/m!reader (trans reader in mind you can see it if you squint but can also be read as cis)

words: 2k

warnings: themes of religious trauma, homophobia, mentions of blood, the author projecting their mommy issues

a/n: this is purely self indulgent, don't mind me 😩✋ (written in first person)

i wish i had known him before the pain started. perhaps it is a fools dream to think that his presence would have solved anything, and it is likely that he might blown me sky high at the time, if given the chance, but i often ponder his place in my narrative. he is nothing less than a king—nay, a god—and what else am i to be except his humble servant, adoring him in the only way i've been taught?

i would bruise my knees as i kneel for him, and should he turn me away, i shall be lost and without purpose. but he does not, and instead, he snorts out a laugh and pulls me to my feet, roughly squeezing my cheeks together with a shit-eating grin. he'll tell me a joke i've heard a thousand times, and yet i laugh with him anyways, the pads of my fingers idly tapping the pulse on his wrists.

"dumbass, at least take me out to dinner first."

i never thought i'd ache to hear such a demeaning nickname, but it's like birdsong to my ears, and i long for the myriad of butterflies it provokes.

i would heed his every word like a faithful disciple, and—if i knew he would not use this power for the wrong reasons—carry it out without question. he'll roll his eyes at the notion, far too prideful at the idea of being praised, and card hands through my hair, gripping softly. "right. and if i told you to go to bed before five in the morning, would you listen?"

my smiles are genuine, as they all are with him.

"no." i wish my mother had been more open-minded; more loving to those she claimed were goners. maybe then, i could still call her my mother, and not a snarled version of her first name steeped in vinegar. maybe she could have met him, and maybe she would have keeled over in the process, but that is how we put it "killing two birds with one stone".

he was a fallen angel if ever i saw one—emblazoned in smog and ravenous inferno, the pieces of child-like innocence turning to ash. something happened to him when he was a kid, just as all gifted children, and oh, what a fool i was to let my gaze dawdle on his gorgeous form. but i will never regret it—no, not ever—for there is no such feeling that can compare to his eyes on mine, burning with a mind-fogging intensity.

it was instantaneous, the moment my thoughts turned on me with malicious intent, her voice ringing out like a gunshot.

you'll never be him.

his hand slots with mine perfectly; deliciously warm and comforting in a way i haven't felt in years; and hauls me up, the flecks of dirt and rubble from the road clinging to my jeans.

"watch it, pretty boy. i won't always be here to save you, y'know."

my heart batters against my ribs like a caged bird, screeching and wailing to be set free, and i wonder in a haze if i've died. judgement day must have come early, i think, not realizing that it was spoken aloud until the blonde quirks a brow inquisitively. he does not speak on the matter, but continues on his merry way, leaving my helpless; hopelessly enamored; and praying that we will meet again.

no, i could never be him. but i am like him. he has a sureness in his walk and fervor in the way he talks that is only recognizable when i look in the mirror. and we do meet again. it is a shame, however, that i must burden him with the weight of my past. i remember too often the troubles of my youth, even when all has passed into fleeting memories that haunt me as ghosts do to an abandoned house. yet, i still live in this house, and the ghosts are here to keep me company.

i remember the church, first and foremost; nestled between the barren country road and the outback; a beacon of hope to all those who stood in its doors. the luster of freshly polished wood still sits in my mind, accompanied by the echoing remnants of dulcet tones and multicolored bands of light, glaring from the stained glass windows and dancing across the musty carpet floor. the doddering pews were just as uncomfortable as the poorly padded chairs squatting in the front row, but every sunday, they were filled to the brim with hungry worshippers. they sang praise as though they were starved, but i was too young to understand for what. i am older now, and i still don't understand. all i know is that despite its reputation, the church was a cursed place, and i should never set foot in it again lest i go mad. i remember the creaking stairs which lead downstairs, and the winding halls that reeked of torment where shadows loomed. the paint was corroding and foul, and my conscious always loitered too long on the merlot stain on the ceiling; its origin unknown, but nevertheless urging my stomach to twist with nausea.

i remember the feeling of tall grass grazing my ankles; itching horribly from the old moth-eaten socks i was forced to wear. it had become second nature—running and hiding from my problems, from the church, from her. i shall never know a greater animosity than the likes that my mother encouraged, although unintentionally, with her pressuring views and sickeningly sweet smile. it's fake, and i would know, because ours are the same.

we are too similar, and i am sickened by the fact. will i become the wretched woman she is? will i fail to be the father i've dreamt of being? it is an easy thing to fall prey to haunting questions, and it serves as brain rot for every moment of silence that leaves me clawing at my skin, trying to reap the memory of her touch. then i began to think—about nothing and everything—and it does not stop. i will be kind; unforgivingly so, and without biased judgement; like my mother never was, and i'll make her hate me for it. i will grow in leaps and bounds, not for her sake or for god's, but for mine, as it always should have been. i will drink and curse with reckless abandon and kiss who i damn well please, because in no life does she have have the power to make me something i'm not. why should i feel sorry when the tears she wept were forged by my own blood; by the childhood memories locked away to rot in my subconscious? yes, she has suffered too, but it is through clenched teeth and raw-bitten lips that i must confess this, for her suffering was born in me and grew from a seedling into a thorned flower, nourished by her hatred and mine. she'll tell me the lie of all mothers before her: that she knows best, and i'll never know joy that is not from my savior's gracious hands.

one day, when she lies not with words but in silence, under worm-filled earth and withering pastures, i'll tell her that she was right. i'll tell her, with his hand in mine, that my savior arrived with hellfire in his eyes and fury unrelenting. his tongue holds venom that would make the devil blush, but he tastes of a sinful sweetness that i've drowned in more times than i care to count.

mother you should know, my god is like no other. he has a broad chest and muscles, i attest, that are sculpted like fine marble and smooth to the test.

my god is a man who loves other men, unashamedly; in all that is true; and kisses me like real people do. and i know it sounds silly, and a bit cliché, and he'd surely make a mockery of me if ever he heard, but i love him. i love him as passionately as you she does lord above, and it is a crime in itself how much i crave him, so yes, i will burn for this—not because my mother said so or by the ancient script that foretells it, but because i promise it. i promise to let neither hell or high water deter me from that which gives me life, and i'll do so with a ring.

"you hear that mom?" i'll whisper in the dead of night, his body flushed against mine in the most delightful way; his fingers curled into my nightshirt, pulling me closer as listless mumbles fall from his parted lips. he is dead to the world amid his dream ridden stupor, but still leans into my touch when i smooth back the wild tufts of hair to kiss his forehead.

"i'm gonna marry him." part of me wishes she didn't live on the other side of the planet, just so i could rub it in her face, but i won't give her the satisfaction of seeing me again. i won't let her think she's won, because i know, and katsuki knows, that he and i are one in the same.

i do not know who i should thank for my stubbornness, be it my mother or my father, so i will thank the pain they both caused me, for it made me stronger than they ever could. no, i did not become a better person, because the scars have yet to heal from how deep they cut, and the smell of blood still lingers, and i am angrier than i once was, but i cherish my wounds. the stench of my agony has long since been subdued, and i have learned to swallow the sickness it evokes. and yes, this anger is unhealthy and i've chosen not to purge it from my mind like the weed it is, but how lucky am i to have found one whose malice rivals my own?

the tales of his glory have littered my notebooks in smudged ink. you would hate him, is scrawled messily on the last page, but i only feel giddy with excitement. you would hate him for his spite and his unapologetic behavior, and that is why he's perfect. he's everything you hate about this world, but everything i love.

so when she gets to heaven and asks the angels "why?", they'll tell her it was him who made the devil cry. him, who held me like she should have—could have, if she hadn't terrified me—and who chased the nightmarish visions of her from my weary mind with his callous palms and soft-spoken reassurances. i wish i had known him when we were young; when things were not so simple and i needed a hand to hold; but i suppose we'll have to settle for faded photographs and stories told through the bitter aroma of alcohol. that's more than enough, i muse to myself, legs hooked over his as i rest my head on his shoulder, keening softly at the gentle scrape of his nails on my scalp. his arms wind around my waist as he mutters something along the lines of "i love you", his lips curling into a smile, illuminated by the televisions glow.

so when they ask of my religion, i will think of only him. i will recall the way he looks at me, the sound of my name on his tongue, the feeling of his lips trailing between the valley of my breast; featherlight, cautious and unfitting for a man of his nature. i've written songs of praise, all dedicated to him, and if only he knew, oh how smug he would be. but i love him, i love him, i love him. and when he spins me around like a marionette, it is with overwhelming pride and joy that i tell him this, and with rose hued cheeks and bashful grumbles, he tells me the same. so mother, wherever you are, i hope you know i've found my god.

[kingandfireheart]

Starfall

A/N: this one had been sitting in drafts for a while, but it a part of my whole "Sarah robbed of us two months of HAPPY Nessian" thing, so enjoy, I guess!

'Summary: This one is basically all the scenes that could have happened instead of in addition to the Amren apology on Starfall. It's fluffy. It's a lot of the Inner Circle. There's a Mor apology. There's a sweet Az moment. And of course happy established Nessian. Clearly all of these things wouldn't happen in one night. But its fanfiction, so you know. Mostly canon-compliant.

Words: 2274

A few minutes after Amren left her side, Nesta felt two people approach. She didn’t need to turn her head to know exactly who it was.

“I’m glad you’re enjoying it” Elain spoke, her voice full of awe.

“It’s beautiful” Nesta rasped, as her sisters came to either side of her.

“Did I ever tell you two about my first Starfall?” Feyre asked.

Nesta shook her head. “It was before I had accepted the bond. Rhys and Mor didn’t tell me what to expect at all, so when some of this,” she gestured to her silver streaked cheek, “landed on my face, I thought I was going to lose an eye.”

“Rhys wouldn’t stop laughing at me and I nearly chucked him over the balcony. But... this view and his laughter made me realize that I wanted to paint again. That after everything that happened under the mountain and with Tamlin, I was ready to accept this life... to live.”

“I think that’s why Starfall is so special, right?” Elain said, “it reminds of the beauty of this life, even if it wasn’t what we originally planned”

“The Priestesses said there are spirits passing through or something, but I like your explanation much better” Nesta said, chuckling softly.

“I know things have been tough between the three of us, and I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. And I’m glad that you’re both doing better and that we're together." Feyre said, laying a hand over her stomach. "All I want for him is to be surrounded by family, and to give him the childhood we never had.”

“He will be very loved,” Elain said, happily.

“By both of his aunts” Nesta added. “We can teach him to read, and dance, and garden.”

“And how to deal with his annoying uncles” Feyre added, looking over Nesta’s shoulder, at where Cassian and Mor were dancing.

Nesta laughed. The idea of Cassian playing with a child was... exciting, adorable... and something she would have to think about later.

“Enjoy yourself” Feyre said, pulling Nesta, and Elain, into a hug.

"I missed this” Elain said quietly. "Come find me if you need anything."

Then both sisters smiled, disappeared into the crowd.

------

Nesta turned back to the view before her, taking it in, appreciating her sisters and Amren, and how far she'd come.

“Five hundred years, and I’ll never get used to the sight” Mor said from behind her, startling her back to reality. "I thought you could use some refreshments" she said.

Nesta laughed, turning to her, and accepting the cup of water he extended to her.

"Thank you." she said,

"I suppose I could have dressed up for the occasion" she shrugged.

“I would have loved to dress you up again, but it’s not like we won’t have more occasions for that” Mor said. "Plus, it doesn't feel right if someone isn't in leathers." She added.

Nesta smiled softly, unsure what to say.

“I wanted to apologize” Mor said suddenly. “For what I said, how I treated you. I thought I was being protective and you deserved better than that. I’m really sorry”.

Nesta shook her head in disbelief, “I judged you before getting to know you, and I’m sorry for that.” She said sincerely.

“I heard you cut the ribbon and completed the blood rite qualifier. That's impressive." She said. "I would have loved to see the look on Devlon's face."

"He didn't seem pleased" Nesta said. Mor was one of the best warriors out there, Nesta assumed this was a part of her training too, "I've seen you in battle...Have you never....?"

"Only as a training exercise, but I never beat it on my own. You need a unit to win something like that. I hear you have a pretty impressive one."

"They're wonderful. I think you'd like them."

"Maybe we can get to know each other better during training?” Mor offered. Nesta saw it for what it was. A peace offering. They would put the past beside them for Cassian and Feyre.

“I’d like that, Mor.” Nesta said, and she would.

Mor squeezed her shoulder, and said, “The dress I got for you should be in your rooms, if you want to wear it later” she said, and then sauntered off. "

---

“Here,” Azriel said, extending the plate to her. “The party will last until sunrise, so you should eat ”

Nesta nodded in thanks as she accepted the plate. Was Azriel... fussing?

"You seem to be enjoying yourself." Azriel said, elbowing her softly, as he moved toward the railing."I prefer this version of you. Real. No masks or disguises."

Nesta added dryly, “And covered in sweat" Azriel laughed at that. "I don't know how Feyre wears the crown, I hated it."

Azriel laughed, mischief in his eyes, "They do say heavy is the head that wears the crown."

"I prefer you without masks too, Az". Nesta said before she could stop herself.

Azriel smiled softly, and gestured to her food. She picked up a few berries and cheese.

When she was finished, he asked, "Would you care to dance?" extending his hand to her, his siphon gleaming in the light.

Nesta took his hand, and let him lead her to the crowd, where the others were dancing.

Even as exhausted as she was from training and the stairs, she enjoyed every moment of dancing with Azriel, as she had done on Solstice. Azriel led her, easily.

"Is it always like this? the party? she asked after a few moments.

"Mostly. We didn't use to have guests from other courts, but since the world knows about Velaris, I think Feyre and Rhys saw it as an opportunity to share."

"I like it. I think you were right about holidays" Nesta said, into Azriel's shoulder.

"I'm glad." Azriel said.

He was right. Feyre was right. This was life, this was living. The music. The view. The friendships. Her family.

She didn't say anything else, comfortable to enjoy the music and Azriel's company as they danced.

---

At some point, Helion had stepped in for Azriel.

"Lady Nesta." Helion greeted her.

"High Lord" Nesta responded.

"Interesting attire for a party" he said.

"Training ran late" Nesta said, shrugging slightly.

"Is that what Cassian is calling it nowadays?" Helion joked. Nesta blushed. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised. The General Commander and Lady Death." he mused.

Nesta said nothing in response, just returned his gaze, as if to say your point?

"I didn't quite believe the stories about your dancing, Lady" Helion started.

"What kinds of stories?" Nesta asked.

"I heard you brought Eris to his knees at Solstice." Helion said.

"I may have danced with him." She responded smugly.

"Is that a part of your training? Bringing commanders and high lord to their knees by way of dance? When you aren't too busy wielding Made objects?"

Before she could respond, she felt claws, scrape against her shields. While Rhys's were usually like midnight, Feyre's were different. She lowered her shields enough to hear her sister.

If you would like someone to save you from Helion, say the word. He's rather persistent tonight.

I'll let you know.

Nesta snapped closed her shields before responding, proudly. "I'm actually training with a small group of female warriors."

"Ah yes, your sister mentioned to Vivianne that you're resurrecting the Valkyries" he said as he spun her.

"We're combining Illyrian techniques with Valkyrie ones." she said.

"Impressive" he said. "The Valkyries were formidable. Once you're organized, perhaps you'd enjoy seeing the Day court's female forces. Lady Vivianne has been helpful since the war." He said, looking where Kallias and Vivianne were dancing.

"I'll think about it." She said. Maybe she wasn't ready to face the real world yet, but maybe... in a few months, or years even, she could be ready, and Gwyn and Emerie could be too.

"And if you ever tire of the Cassian"

FEYRE, she practically yelled in her head, throwing open her shields. She knew exactly where this was going.

"or want someone else to join you..."

FEYRE. HELP.

"and your m-"

"I think I'd like to dance with my sister-in-law" Rhysand said smoothly. Before she knew it, Rhysand was sweeping Nesta into the dance, barely a beat missed.

"Think about both my offers" Helion said from behind her.

---

Rhysand laughed, and in this light, with the silver on his face, Nesta could see what her sister described. A light that had been less present the past few months.

"See. Persistent" Rhysand said. "He made a similar offer to Feyre, Azriel, and Mor within an hour of arriving."

"Why doesn't that shock me?" Nesta said. "I'm surprised you cut in."

"Feyre promises. I deliver." he said. "I'm surprised you came tonight" Rhysand responded.

"I live here. I just climbed the stairs" she said dryly, before deciding to make an effort. "Thank you, for rescuing me" she said quietly. Rhysand seemed a bit shocked to hear her.

"Helion is unrelenting." He explained. "I didn't think Cassian would appreciate another male asking me for you hand... And I thought I owed you...After Eris...And threatening you."

"You did, but thank you nonetheless." Rhysand nodded.

They continued dancing for the rest of the song. Nesta didn’t speak, and neither did Rhys, but his eyes had lit up with amusement, as the song came to an end.

"Mor, you owe me 50 gold marks." Rhys said, as he spun Nesta away.

---

Before she understood his meaning, she landed in Cassian’s arms, but not in a position for dancing. Cassian’s arms were around her waist, his chin resting on her shoulder, as her back pressed to his chest.

"Hi." he said.

“Enjoying the party?” Nesta asked coyly, as she turned to face him.

“I am now.” Cassian said, placing a kiss to her temple. When he pulled away, his lips were covered in the starfall dust. He guided her away from the dance floor, where Mor had taken her place in dancing with Rhysand.

Nesta smiled and stood up on her tiptoes to kiss him, only pulling away when her legs screamed in pain. She supposed completing the Blood Rite qualifier, climbing down and up 10,000 steps, and dancing would have that effect on her calves.

Cassian wasted no time in picking her up fully, cradling her to his chest. Nesta gasped in surprise, and then looked sheepishly out to the rest of the party.

“They’ve seen us do much worse, Nes” She laughed and Cassian joined her, brushing his lips to hers once more, as if he wanted to taste that smile. She may always be a little embarrassed by what had happened when she scried. But things were different then- they were together now, and the way Cassian was looking at her now... it was, well it was better than any wine she'd consumed in the past year.

“I suppose they have,” she said, hiding her face in his chest. She let herself enjoy the moment, savor how it felt to be held by him.

Cassian laughed, "It should be winding down now, but there is a better view, if you would like to get out of here."

Nesta nodded.

Cassian flew up to the higher balcony that overlooked the Verdana. "Rhys and Feyre usually hide up here, but they are too busy playing hosts tonight" he said, before setting her down on a blanket, only to pull her into his lap moments later.

She reached up to brush some of his hair out of his face. "You look nice," she said, running her other hand over his cheek, where the starfall dust collected.

"And you're beautiful" he replied, smiling. It was not too long ago that Cassian had struggled to compliment Feyre, and now he hardly hesitated before saying such things. Nesta felt her cheeks redden.

"You’ve had an eventful night” Cassian said. “I thought I'd barely get a chance to dance with you”

Nesta snorted. “I prefer this” she said, leaning into him further.

“I’m in awe of you” Cassian whispered, as his fingers pulled her hair from its messy braid. “You’ve come so far. Conquered so much”

“Thank you.” Nesta said. “For doing it all with me.” Nesta turned in his lap to face him fully, her hair now falling over her shoulders.

“Always” Cassian said, before bringing his lips to her first kiss. “I’m yours. And you’re mine. No matter how many pretty males you dance with.”

“You could have stepped in at any point in time.” she said.

"The others placed bets on how long it would take for me to step in... and I wanted you to enjoy tonight, for this to be a good memory for you.”

“It is. I'm happy” she said softly.

“You’re happy?” He whispered, a half question. She kissed him in response.

"I'm happy too." Cassian said.

"And you're prettier than them." she whispered. Running her thumbs over the silver that coated his lips, and likely coated hers as well.

"Really?" Cassian asked, almost incredulously.

"It was always you, Cass" she said, as it wasn't even a question, because it wasn't. Since they met they were two forces on a collision course, nothing she could have done would have stopped it.

"And I always knew it would be you, Nes" he said, before kissing her again.

She didn’t know how long they stayed there, but after the stars had stopped falling, and the sun began to rise, Cassian carried them back to her rooms.

Nesta fell asleep absolutely exhausted by the day she had. Her body ached, but her heart, her soul, was happy. It was one of the best days since she’s become fae, likely before that even.

[fandumbstuff]

The Star Wars Saga, ranked best to worst.

1. The Empire Strikes Back Directed by Irvin Kershner

Upon close consideration, I’ve come to the shocking conclusion that Empire is the best Star Wars film. There’s a wealth of world-building and character development here that in many ways makes Star Wars the living breathing universe it is now. A richly complex melodrama lies at the heart of Empire, giving a whole new meaning to the term “space opera”. The performances here are some of the strongest in the entire franchise. Mark Hamill not only fleshes out Luke’s character, but in his training with Yoda and his duel with Vader he establishes the profound nature of the force, and how every future character interacts with it. As Han and Leia, Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher create authenticity to their characters’ relationship. Often misinterpreted as playfully hostile or sassy, there’s a real and endearing sense of affection between them, particularly in the infamous “I love you”/”I know” line- shedding their previously petty flirtation and affirming their true feelings. The emotional crux of Empire lies not in the most memorable twist, but in the moments immediately following it - In Luke and Leia reaching out to each other, reconnecting a relationship that was lost, rekindling hope in the force after we thought it was lost.

2. A New Hope  Directed by George Lucas

I’ll be the first in line to make fun of dorky George Lucas and his woeful attempts at writing dialogue or romance. However, it’s pretty damn impossible to ignore what he achieved with Star Wars in 1977. The sheer audacity of his vision and his determination in executing it despite the naysaying from producers and supposed friends. Lucas had the bold idea of using cinema for it’s absolute worth- more than just a storytelling medium but a theatrical one. A cacaphony of sight and sound that could draw mass audiences and create a lasting impression. It’s a formula that every Hollywood and Bollywood blockbuster strives and more often than not fails to follow. It’s hard to dissociate A New Hope from the cultural phenomenon it helped create, but when you do, it stands as an impressive film on it’s own. Groundbreaking in terms of it’s visual effects and nostalgic in the simplicity of it’s sci-fi serial story, Star Wars ticked all the right boxes for so many people. If I was to boil Star Wars down to an essence, i think it lies in 2 scenes: Luke looking out at the binary sunset on Tattooine, and Han Solo yahooing after the Falcon saves Luke in the Death Star trenches. Those two scenes, Wistfulness and Exuberance, are the two sides of one concept- Adventure. Star Wars ignited those emotions in every child’s imagination, and it’s a flame that’s likely to never go out. 

3. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story Directed by Gareth Evans

Hard to believe this is a Disney movie. While the house of mouse may have a reputation for emotional gut punches in kids movies, it’s never felt quite so... permanent. Rogue One is an unrelenting emotional journey barelling towards surefire tragedy. We spend moments with characters that seem to be carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. The sense of desperation that permeates the movie almost overpowers any sense of heroism. It’s so unlike anything we’ve seen in a Star Wars movie. Their courage comes from a place that is wholly genuine and believable. We see the rebellion for the despondent group that they are. Sorely outnumbered by the Empire, their actions in this movie show a reckless, darker side to them and makes the morality of Star Wars so much more complex. The first time we meet Cassian Andor- the stand out performace of the film by Diego Luna- we see him kill another rebel to protect their secrets. It’s a movie that reframes the original Star Wars trilogy, making it a richer, complex universe and more intriguing as a result. Also, the last five minutes might be the best five minutes in any Star Wars movie.

4. Return of the Jedi Directed by Richard Marquand

The one sore spot in the original trilogy for me are the Ewoks. I realise it's ridiculous for me to complain about kid-friendly creatures in a kid's movie, but Star Wars has done this a lot more tolerably in the form of Porgs and Baby Yoda. Just something about these furry, Tibetan speaking monsters who somehow have the wherewithal to defeat an elite and well equipped empire rubs me the long way. Anyway, other than that, the movie's pretty fantastic. The culmination of Luke's journey comes to a head in an extremely emotional and effective climax. John Williams score crescendos to operatic heights and Mark Hamill's stellar performance sells Luke’s torment. It’s also worth noting that in those final moments of moral dilemma, Darth Vader is silent- it’s David Prowse’s performance entirely that sells this. His incredible presence throughout the trilogy builds to this moment and you can feel the weight of it in those closeups on Vader. Every other cast member rounds the story out perfectly- from Lando and Han’s playful rapport to Leia’s more militaristic side in planning the rebellions final moves. I still bemoan the fact that they changed the final song- an opinion that I’m apparently a minority on- but it’s a pretty incredible ending altogether and wonderfully cathartic to watch over and over again.

5. The Last Jedi Directed by Rian Johnson

With Last Jedi, Rian Johnson analyzed the universe Star Wars inhabits, and what drives it’s characters. The characters that we love are pushed to their limits, struggle against insurmountable odds and their own innate flaws. And we see all of them fail in turn. It is remarkably bleak, but not without purpose. It is out of this failure that the Resistance needs to recoup and come back stronger. The performances here, are arguably the best you’ll find in the entire franchise. Daisy Ridley has to break down Rey’s naivete and find a deeper sense of self actualization. Adam Driver hands in some of his best work, by swerving the audience into believing Kylo Ren and then creating a desperate plea in THAT throne room scene, and eventually turning him into a snivelling villain, all in the same movie. Mark Hamill’s performance here is heartbreaking- revealing the bleakest version of Luke, and struggling to find his redemption. Last Jedi is a bold deconstuction of these characters, of what they stand for, and what makes Star Wars beautiful.

6. The Force Awakens Directed by J. J. Abrams

In many ways, a safe movie to announce the return of Star Wars. But it’s hard to fault this. Disney’s decision making was shrewd here, bringing on J. J. Abrams to pay homage to George Lucas’ original vision, returning the franchise to it’s roots of practical effects and shooting on film. There was something truly special about experiencing this film in theatres, so much so that I did it eleven times. It captured a sense of wonder for fans new and old- hearing the scream of Tie Fighters, John Williams herald the return of the Millenium Falcon, and the look of awe on Rey’s face as she clutches her destiny in her hand. I’ll be honest, the film loses some of this magic without the shared experience of an audience, and it’s flaws are more noticeable. But being swept up in the excitement of adventure felt so darn good in 2015, and that’s so key to this franchise.

7. Revenge of the Sith Directed by George Lucas

This movie has risen so much in my opinion, entirely due to the animated Clone Wars series. Revenge of the Sith depicts the overwhelming tragedy that frames the original Star Wars. Watching Clone Wars explains explicitly what makes this film so tragic. But it’s more than that- it’s a catastrophic failure on behalf of the Jedi Order. Ignorance and pride allow evil to fester and grow. George Lucas took the simplicity of the moral struggle he established in 1977 and tried to give it depth and complexity with the prequels, and it pays off in Revenge of the Sith. It leads into the original trilogy quite brilliantly, with a promise of hope and resilience.

8. The Phantom Menace Directed by George Lucas

It has not aged well. While the advent of CGI I’m sure felt exciting at the time, and you almost can’t fault George Lucas for his insistence on staying at the forefront of VFX innovation as he has always done, it’s his reliance on so much of it that fails horribly. Like a kid in a candy store, Lucas stuffs the pockets of this film with so many bizarre effects for absolutely no reason. That sea monster scene is one of the worst displays I’ve ever seen and it’s absurd that it sits in a Star Wars film. Add to that the boring political plotline and ridiculous midichlorian dilemma and there’s very little redemptive about this film. However, it does have podracing, and Duel of the Fates, and it’s remarkable how much that salves the wound.

9. The Rise of Skywalker Directed by J. J. Abrams

Alright, well obviously this film has been problematic. However, I’m not about to bemoan the idea that Disney has ruined Star Wars and I have nothing left to live for. So let’s all just calm down. Ultimately J. J. Abrams was faced with the impossible task of wrapping up the Skywalker saga, with very few Skywalkers to work with. I firmly believe this would have been a very different film if Carrie Fisher was around to complete her performance. But left with nothing but the new cast, Abrams is caught between summing up the past while also looking to the future. It forces an awkward plotline with Palpatine- despite Ian McDiarmid's solid performance, the writing here seems wildly derivative of the franchise. There are some truly beautiful scenes, most notably the chemistry that Adam Driver gets to share with Harrison Ford, and Joonas Suotamo’s critically emotional outburst as Chewbacca. Some of the production design and score is so entirely different from the rest of the franchise it's inherently intriguing. But there’s very little here to save some of the poorer choices the film makes: the open plot hole with Finn, the derailing of Rey’s character development, and most crucially, the deeply perturbing culmination of Rey and Kylo’s relationship. The audience literally went “ew”.

10. Solo: A Star Wars Story Directed by Ron Howard

The biggest problem with Solo is that it operates under the presumption that people will be enamoured and invested in it. Not just in one movie, but in an entire series of movies. Solo clearly operates as a setup for further sequels. As a result, many plot lines remain unresolved, and Qi’ra winds up being a completely under-baked character. Her motivations make no sense, and a twist ending that I assume was supposed to be exciting is instead downright confusing. There’s a lot of unnecessary exposition into Han’s past too. As an origin story, I don’t need to know every aspect of Han’s past- especially not cute winks at inane things like “Why’s he called Solo?”. All this being said, The movie features some solid performances- Donald Glover is expectedly phenomenal as Lando, and Alden Ehrenreich excels as Solo, adding some welcome flavour to the character- particularly his friendship with Chewbacca, and a brilliantly executed final scene between him and Woody Harrelson’s Beckett.

11. Attack of the Clones Directed by George Lucas

How in the world this film made it all the way to production and into filming, with no one pulling Lucas aside and saying “Hey George, those kids have no chemistry” is beyond me. And I’m not going to blame Hayden Christensen or Natalie Portman on this one, because the whole damn love story makes no sense. Maybe falling for a dude who admits he murdered women and children isn’t such a great idea? Then there’s the increasingly convoluted political climate set up in Phantom Menace, and the machinations of the dark side that would take the entire Clone Wars series to fully explain. All this being said, Temuera Morrison, Samuel L. Jackson, Ewan MacGregor AND Christopher Lee are all in this movie. And they’re pretty damn fantastic.

12. The Clone Wars Directed by Dave Filoni

It’s inexplicable that Dave Filoni would go on to have a hand in some of the best Star Wars content ever made in Clone Wars, Rebels and the Mandalorian. And yet he got his start in the franchise by putting up this piece of junk. And junk is being a little generous. The humour is so juvenile it’s insulting to even the youngest of audiences it’s intended for. The plotline feels way to thin to warrant a feature film, and if this was in fact intended as a pilot for the TV series, they sure picked to most uninteresting story to pique our interest. Skip the movie, watch the show. 

[myriadism]

Unrelated to Anything here is an unordered out of context list of some of my OCs

Serendipity: she's a time traveling universe hopping bombastic linguistic extraordinaire. It's all a long story

Cara Whittaker: runs a Bed & Breakfast out of a "halfway house" which exists halfway in reality and halfway out like some sort of horror movie house, but this one isn't evil its just sentient and magical and and always trying its best to be any world's most comfortable Safehouse. Cara is one of many house caretakers operating a single wing, and also Serendipity's adopted sister.

Birdie: a cute kid who only speaks with eerily accurate impressions of birdsong. May be some sort of child god? Unclear.

Rowanna: a Raven. Literally just a bird with all the powers of a bird. Apparently she used to be a human sorceress and warlord tho, and was long ago cursed and trapped in this useless bird form. Has likely committed several war crimes but it's cool cause she's just a raven now. Don't @ me abt Sandman or Harry Potter or anything please I know nothing about blackbirds is original anymore

Christina Carls: a US or Canadian swimmer aiming for Olympic medals 🏅 who has her dreams completely derailed by unexpectedly turning into a mermaid. It doesn't help that mermaids and their magical underwater society don't even exist anymore for unknown mysterious reasons...

Cy: he's a bit of an asshole but damn if he isn't real good with computers and math and practically everything else (except for not being kind of an asshole sometimes but he has really good reasons I promise!) no relation to Cy Twombly the abstract expressionist painter or a Mr Darcy I keep hearing about

Becca (Rebecca) Sharrd: companion to the 11th Doctor on "Doctor Who" because everyone just has to have at least one or several DW (self)inserts. A recent library sciences graduate in Chicago, IL with social anxiety and depression she runs into the Doctor when he literally runs into her with his wacky giraffe-man body chasing an alien through Millennium Park. As is typical, things get weirder from there. On the plus side tho- it seems like many less humanoid aliens are so uncanny valley it completely bypasses most social phobias and gets right into xenophobia! Wild. The human brain sure is an extraordinary 3 pound bowl of fuckin soup innit?

Sara "Renae" Diaz: this is actually just Serendipity again whenever she needs to have an official ID and not some sort of hippie name

Celyn Bowen: a welsh genderfluid part-time Witch, part-time historian. Living in the DC comics universe, specifically the continuity of that really good animated show "Young Justice". His/her great great something grandma is Elaine of Garlot in the Welsh and Arthurian Myths. Oh? you've never heard of Elaine? well she may have been historically upstaged by her sister, Morgan le Fay. Celyn also ends up in a bit of a body timeshare situation with an extremely ancient and powerful helmet possessed by Dr Fate.

Nadine: one day Nadine rolls over in bed and wakes up on the ceiling. She's read too much Franz Kafka and now gravity pushes her up instead of pulling her down to earth. She's a physicist so this is really embarrassing.

Tyto Alba: you know how everyone loves werewolfs? Well Alba isn't a werewolf, they're a barn owl. And they weren't bitten by a were-owl or anything, that's ridiculous and also doesn't exist in Ty's world. No it's all Shapeshifters. Two forms, mostly human and various other species (cause humans are the most common animal to get really into the whole shapeshifting vibe those wonderful weirdos). But there are also many so-called "non-sentient" animals of all stripes and spots who are shapeshifters and Tyto Alba came from a nest of 'em. Father was a Barn Owl - Mongoose and mother a Barn Owl - Cormorant, they lived by a fertile waterway you see, and liked to fish.... but somewhere back in the history of Alba's genes intertwined with shapeshifter magic was a human being. Because one day as Ty was living their bucolic owl fledgling little life, they spontaneously turned into a human child, and all hell breaks loose. Talk about a coming of age story.

Sarah Day, Lady Luc, Porter, Lucien, various etc... these are also just Serendipity again. Look, it is not that weird to have a lot of names when you end up going to a lot of different places where people speak different languages and also may try to shoot you for taking their money in an ad hoc wealth redistribution plan--- don't judge

[trainsinanime]

Here’s a Miraculous Ladybug story idea that I may write some time, but probably not, because I only really care about chapter two of what would probably need to be at least ten.

Chapter one features Lila going after Marinette full-force. Not the weak boring „she rips up her notebook so hard that Marinette has to move to Gotham“ crap. We’re doing this properly: Lila convinces the Mayor that Marinette is planning to resurrect Napoleon and bring him back to power. So the Mayor has Marinette imprisoned without trial, because apparently he can do that in the Miraculous universe, and not even her friends or family know what’s going on.

Chapter 3 and later will detail how Marinette managed to escape the prison after fourteen years, with the help of a professional hypnotist. She discovers a pirate treasure on a small uninhabited island off the coast of Italy. With the money from the treasure, she buys the island and the title of nobility that comes with it, and returns to Paris. Rich, and now officially a countess, she will reward those who were loyal to her, and destroy all her enemies. (I haven’t yet worked out what that means in detail.)

But the really interesting part for me is what happens in those fourteen years. Here are my notes. Content warning: Dark, Major Character Death, Intended as over-the-top and silly but maybe not over-the-top enough, and of course, Adrien/Lila:

With Marinette gone, a lot of joy drops from the class immediately. Everybody loves her, and they only have weird rumours about what happened to her, rumours that they can’t believe even if the source is Lila. (No, we’re not doing class salt. Yes, that means my options for enemies in the later chapters are limited. I don’t care, I love Alya and the rest of the class and I am not throwing them under the bus.)

The first time Ladybug doesn’t appear to a fight, everybody is pissed. The second time, they’re even more pissed. The third time, they’re worried.

Chat Noir does his best. He decides to capture the Akumas, so Ladybug can cleanse them when she returns. For now, he stores them in mason jars. After a bit of thought, he decided to just store them in the cellar of the mansion, in a box labelled „Adrien’s favourite toys“. Nobody ever looks there.

No Ladybug means no cleanup. (The ear rings are kept in the warden’s office in Marinette’s prison, so Ladybug is out of commission for fourteen years). Adrien again tries to help, spending way too much time cataclysming debris. A child has lost their favourite plush shark in a river of chocolate? Chat Noir manages to „find“ and „clean“ it. No, it’s totally the same shark, not a new one that he just bought, believe me. The child is happy, but clearly it’s not enough.

The first time the Eiffel Tower is destroyed, rebuilding it is a matter of national pride. If Ladybug is gone, then France will step in. Gabriel donates a lot to the effort.

The second time the Eiffel Tower is destroyed, authorities decide to leave the debris as a monument. The statue for Ladybug disappears.

With no Ladybug, Hawkmoth realises that he can’t get the ear rings. Attacks decrease, to once a month, then once every three months; apparently just to check whether Ladybug has returned. Around Adrien’s eighteenth birthday, it seems like Hawkmoth might retire for good. On a completely unrelated note, Gabriel appears to have lost all will to live.

Adrien can’t escape Lila, who continues to be employed by Gabriel, despite her not being very good at photoshoots. But he does his best to keep his distance.

Shortly after Adrien’s birthday, he is away, while Lila has a meeting with Gabriel and Nathalie. But tragedy strikes: Lila arrives and witnesses Gabriel shooting Nathalie and then himself. Why would he do such a thing? Good thing Lila is such a reliable witness. The case is so clear that the police don’t even have to check the gun for fingerprints.

Adrien is stricken with grief. He tries to call his friends, but nobody will reply. It’s almost as if someone with access to Gabriel’s computer had used the spy software on Adrien’s phone to disable it. But that’s clearly absurd. There is only one other person who is there to comfort him: Lila. Adrien doesn’t like her, but she is someone familiar. She spends the night.

The next morning, Adrien is disgusted, and the two part ways. But two months later, she reappears and tells him she is pregnant and it’s his child. She has a whole speech prepared about how he needs to take responsibility, but it’s not necessary: Adrien will not let his child grow up without a father.

The next month, the wedding is a weird affair. Lila wanted something grandiose, and she got it. But all their friends know that this is anything but true love.

Alix wonders aloud what Marinette’s role would have been if she had been here. Alya jokingly says that she’d be the bride. Adrien overhears, and he realises: Yeah, she would have been. He loves her. Always had. This moment is when the only wedding picture is taken where Adrien smiles.

Seven months later, Gabriel Agreste Junior is born. Adrien loves his son with all his heart, but he has questions. But Lila and her top-notch expensive doctors assure him that this is perfectly normal, sometimes pregnancies take a month longer or two. Adrien is not fully convinced, but he doesn’t want to cause a fuss.

Around this time we also get a new Hawkmoth, who is much meaner, but doesn’t seem to have as clear a goal. Everybody’s best guess is that this Hawkmoth is just going after whoever last pissed them off. (Totally forgot this one in the original version of the post, sorry)

Two years later, Lila’s daughter Emma Marinette Agreste Junior is born. Adrien picked the second name while Lila was asleep. Since Lila is not involved with her kid’s upbringing at all, she has not yet noticed. This time, Adrien is convinced that something is up and Lila is lying to him. The reason: He has recently learned how babies are made, and he knows for a fact that he never did that with Lila.

He confronts her. Lila isn’t concerned, though. What’s he going to do? Divorce her? Then he’s never going to see the kids again. The things she could make a court believe… Adrien is horrified by that thought, especially since he knows very well that he’s the only one in the marriage who loves these children.

Meanwhile, Lila’s own career as an actress isn’t going well. She’s a great natural talent, sure; she can make anyone believe anything. But to be a great actor, you still have to turn up on set every day, and not just when you feel like it. Oh, sure, she has great excuses, but the jobs still dry up fast. And while you can make up a story that makes you look good about one make-up artist you made cry, maybe two, there is a point where it becomes a problem.

She blames Adrien for this, mostly because he will generally not back up her lies about where she was. He doesn’t really care, though. Despite her threats, what’s she gonna do, leave with the kids? Thanks to his father, Adrien had some top notch lawyers, and the pre-nup agreement is watertight.

Unrelated to all this, behold Paris’s new mayor, Chloé Burgeois. She’s been embroiled in controversy from day one. Some say she’s too young. Others say she only got the job because her father was mayor before her. Yet others point to her publicly difficult relation with her constant partner and off-again-on-again girlfriend Sabrina. But perhaps the biggest talking point is that in her office, she has a big painting of a certain heroine in red with spots, with the words, „what would Ladybug do?“ underneath. She’s never lost trust, and the press hates her for it.

One day, her old school friend Alya visits. Alya’s own relationship to Ladybug is difficult: Part of her still holds out hope, just like Chat Noir. Another part of her curses Ladybug for just leaving. Her goal now is completely unrelated to Ladybug, though. She has uncovered new things about the Napoleon Resurrection Conspiracy: The main witness (Lila) and the supposed ring-leader: Marinette. That can’t be right.

She wants Chloé to reveal the truth. Chloé herself has no idea, and very little interest in investigating. Her father told her that this was all secret, and that she should never touch this subject.

But she knows very well what Alya is asking for here. Alya got her big break as a journalist by uncovering the files on the Napoleon Resurrection Conspiracy in the first place. The revelation that it had all been swept under the rug was what caused the old Mayor to step down in the first place. If Alya is now saying that this might all be wrong, that means she’s placing her whole career on the line. That level of commitment means something.

For her own part, it took Chloé a while to admit it, but she was shocked and heartbroken by Marinette’s sudden disappearance as well. It was the first step to becoming a somewhat nicer person, and forming real bonds with her classmates. She has the access to the archives. She could uncover the truth, and maybe even find out where Marinette is now. It wouldn’t be popular, and it might be dangerous… but what would Ladybug do?

Chloé is all in, and it doesn’t take long until she meets Lila. Chloé would not consider herself a fan. She knows the difference between Adrien’s real and fake smiles. Lila refuses to clear things up, though. Instead, she tells Chloé that the french secret service does not allow her to say anything, and that Chloé better drop it if she knows what’s good for her.

Chloé ignores it. She also ignores it when she gets a threatening letter. After all, Ladybug was up against powerful people, too, and she never let that stop her. She even ignores when her own personal Yacht sinks for unexplained reasons, until her Butler and Sabrina explain to her some things about the history of the french secret service (actually I’m not sure whether this is too much in bad taste; the alternative would be that her vacation home gets set on fire).

She tells Alya that there is nothing to know, and blocks her cell phone number. The next day, workers remove the Ladybug painting. After all, what Ladybug would do is just disappear, right? Only fitting. Sabrina laughs a little too artificially at the joke. Yes, indeed. Ladybug would just stop doing her job when the people needed her. Perfect analogy.

With that, the basic outline is set. Chapter three would probably be short and tell the story of Marinette’s imprisonment. Chapter four is then where the real revenge starts.

Other points:

At various points, Luka is sadly strumming his guitar.

I’m not sure what to do about Marinette’s parents. The mean option is that they die, full of grief over their missing daughter. The very mean option is that they end up separating first. I’m not sure Marinette’s revenge spree works if they’re still around, and I definitely don’t ever see them turning away from her.

Nino and Kagami could do with an arc here.

Anyway, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this, but since I don’t know how to turn this into a full story, this is as good as it gets. If any of you guys want to borrow parts or all of it for your stories, please go ahead.

[elizabethshaw]

I finally finished listening to Gallifrey for the first time today (and I've loved it so much, I wasn't expecting it to be quite this good but it was AMAZING), so here's some incoherent thoughts in no particular order:

Starting off on a happy note before I get going - Gallifrey is just? So good?? I'd heard a lot of good stuff about it long before I'd even started listening to Big Finish generally, but it really blew me away with how brilliant it is!

I really love how well-defined the characters and their relationships are, and how they all grow over the course of the series. The developments all felt really natural and in response to what each character went through, and very believable in general

I wasn't prepared for how much I was going to love the main four characters either (I only really knew Leela and Romana from watching Classic Who, knew nothing about Brax other than "the Doctor's brother" and "causes problems", and almost nothing at all about Narvin), but I have to say I'm really attached to them all now :)

Leela and her whole arc throughout the series is just amazing. I'd already liked what I'd seen of her in Classic Who (even if I do have... issues with the basic concept of her character and the stereotypes it's based off), but imo she gets taken to another level in Gallifrey altogether. I just love her whole story about grief and healing and learning to find a place for yourself in somewhere you don't seem to fit... and Louise Jameson's acting is fantastic

Romana's arc and growth is also wonderful. Like she comes so far!!! She goes from being unable to admit even that she has friends and just cares about people, to saying that she loves Leela and Narvin in Unity and it really gets me :')

I'd heard a bit about Narvin and his character development beforehand, but it really impressed me how well done it all was? I'm gonna admit that when I was listening to s1/2, I didn't like him much at all, but the growth and changes he goes through as a character are incredibly well written and I have a lot of love for him as a character now

Brax is great. I wasn't sure exactly what to expect from him, but he's actually so much fun as a character! (Even if some of his decisions are... interesting, let's just say) I like the unique dynamic he has with the other main characters, and think he also provides a v interesting contrast to them as someone who's a bit more morally grey? But yeah. He's very cool I like him a lot

Leela and Romana's relationship in particular is my absolute favourite in the series, and just. I love them. They both care about each other so much and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I have thought about "There will be a place for you with me. For always. Whatever face I wear." every single day since I first listened to Spirit in November someone help me

I think overall (although I've enjoyed all of them) series 2 is probably my favourite? It's just so incredibly chaotic and the plot and character work tie together so well

In terms of favourite episodes, there's a lot tbh, but Spirit, Imperiatrix, Renaissance, Lies, Soldier Obscura, Mindbomb and Disassembled are all up there (you can see my s2 bias shining through there oops)

Idk if this is a controversial opinion (I've only really lurked around the edges of the fandom so I'm not 100% sure what the general consensus is) but for the most part I generally enjoyed the Time War series?

Like, I think overall the earlier series appealed to me more, but I did still get a lot of enjoyment out of the time war stuff and thought there were some really good stories in there (Soldier Obscura, The Devil You Know and Unity in particular were absolutely brilliant)

I guess my one main issue with that part of the show is probably (and this is something I've seen a couple of other people bring up) that the characters were all so far apart for most of it? Like I understand that the writers were wanting to try something new and were wanting to avoid retreading the same beats as before, but imo the crux of the show's drama is the relationships between Leela, Romana, Narvin and Brax, and the fact that they weren't together for most of the episodes after TW1 meant the emotional resonance wasn't quite the same - the plots were still v good and I enjoyed that aspect, but I did miss them interacting more regularly yknow :/

I think this also ties into my problems with the finale (although apparently bf have confirmed they're making more? so idk if it's really the end), because the story itself was pretty good, but the lack of any real emotion in the few interactions we got between Leela, Romana and Narvin hindered it from having as much impact as it could have, and some of the writing for them in general just felt very off (esp. in regard to Romana). I'm also just. Not hugely convinced by Matt Fitton's ability to write finales from my own listening experience and I think that feeds into it too but yeah

A similar issue that frustrated me a bit tbh was how consistently Brax was left out of the series altogether for most of the time post-s4? I'm not an expert on his character (Gallifrey!Brax is the only one I'm familiar with), but I liked him a lot and having him as part of the main cast of characters was really fun, so it was a bit disappointing that he didn't make as many appearances, especially as I would've loved to see his relationships with the group develop as much as the ones between Leela, Romana and Narvin did

On a completely unrelated note, as someone who's hyperfixated on the War Doctor audios a Lot™, I loved spotting all the little references and nods to those in the TW series. It just made me really happy and the sense of continuity was cool

I got very excited every time they mentioned Ollistra ngl. She may be Awful but I love her

The parallels in Gallifrey are also so good?!?!?? There's so many that I just go completely insane over

The parallel between Romana's promise that Leela will always have a place with her in "Spirit" and Leela telling Romana she'll never be alone because Leela is coming with her in "Renaissance" particularly is just. Yeah. I think about it a lot ngl

Also love the K9s. The bickering between them in the early series is incredible and I wish they'd kept that going longer

Darkel is just the Worst. Honestly think she's one of the most effective villains I've ever come across bc I don't think I've felt that much unbridled rage at a fictional character before. It certainly made watching Trial of a Time Lord for the first time the other week an Interesting Experience

The fact that seemingly all the main four basically adopt Ace as their child is incredibly funny to me ngl

And going on from that, what I'd love to see (and what I know Big Finish will never make :/) is a series set between Enemy Lines and TW1 that's just the gang + Ace messing around and having fun yknow? I want to see them all being happy and making chaos at the CIA

I also find it really funny that at the start of the show, all the characters would go on about how the CIA are Suspicious and Not To Be Trusted, and how the whole organisation is kind of antagonistic at that point, but then by TW1 every single main protagonist is involved with the CIA in some capacity, like. Way to go guys

I hadn't actually listened to The Apocalypse Element, Neverland, and Zagreus when I originally started listening, and it didn't stop me enjoying anything at the time but I have to say certain stories (especially Extermination) make a lot more sense with that context; it should be interesting relistening to the earlier stuff now I have that context tbh

And. Yeah. I am already wanting to relisten again even though there's a lot of free stuff from the BF website on my account which I haven't touched yet oops

Anyway long story short, Gallifrey is genuinely brilliant and I'm so glad I've listened to it

[jadelotusflower]

Roundup - September 2021

This month: Saving Fish From Drowning, Alice in Wonderland/Through the Looking Glass, Anne Boleyn, Cruella, The Chair

Reading

Saving Fish from Drowning (Amy Tan) - I've always enjoyed Tan's work (particularly The Joy Luck Club, both the book and film) - Fish is somewhat of a departure, following a group of American tourists in Myanmar, narrated by their recently deceased friend Bibi Chen. The novel begins with a preface in which Tan explains she drew inspiration for the novel based on real events chronicled by a San Franciscan psychic's "automatic writing" channeling Chen's spirit (in truth a complete invention on Tan’s part, both literary device and metaphor).

Bibi is a compelling narrator, full of wry commentary of her friends as they bumble their way through their trip, the tone of the novel quite light despite some of the dark subject matter around the political situation in Myanmar (the novel was written in 2005 and set several years earlier) and the nature of intervention - the title referring to fisherman who "save fish from drowning" by netting them. It was at times difficult to keep track of all twelve (!) of the main characters and who was who outside of the few who get the most attention of the narrative.

An interesting read, about the stories we tell ourselves and others, and the fictions we believe for comfort and hope.

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland/Through the Looking Glass and what Alice found there (Lewis Carroll) - I've been making more of an effort to work on my novel lately, which makes some reference to these works so thought it was due for a re-read. It seems impossible to consider these separate novels given how conflated they have become in pop culture - even the Disney film takes elements from both - they act as either a duology, or alternatively a single story told in two parts.

I personally much prefer Looking Glass, perhaps because I imprinted on the 1985 miniseries as a child (which adapts both novels, but we only had the second part on tape) - best known for it's celebrity cameos in silly costumes - including Sammy Davis Jnr, Donald O'Connor, Ringo Starr, and Carol Channing, among others, and the danger of the Jabberwocky as a manifestation of Alice's fears quite a nice idea that isn't found in the original text.

Perhaps Looking Glass, while remaining absurdist, is more cohesive than Wonderland with the chess motif and central motive for Alice to reach the Eighth Square and become a queen. I do however find the constant poetry tedious, and wonder whether both Wonderland and Looking Glass are better remembered for the concepts rather than the actual text.

Watching

Anne Boleyn (episodes 1-3) - I didn't think we needed another film/show about Anne, but I was always going to watch it. This series relies upon familiarity with history as it begins with Anne's final, doomed pregnancy - opening with the haunting words “Anne is the most powerful woman in England - she has just five months to live.”

There's nothing especially new here; rather a mood and character piece as Anne's isolation and desperation grows. It is of course built around the central, compelling performance of Jodie Turner-Smith, in every single scene and not afraid to shy away from Anne's sharper edges while remaining profoundly sympathetic, surrounded by a court of whispers, her existence on a knife's edge. We know only what Anne knows, and we see the smaller, heartbreaking moments usually passed over in other adaptations - in her grief following the stillbirth, Anne sits up in bed almost catatonic, milk leaking from her breasts, her attempt to walk back the infamous “dead man's shoes” comment, and the long days of her imprisonment.

Then there’s the beautiful costumes - in a court of dark furs, Anne wears bold primary colours and velvets that catch the light, that them become more subdued prints once she is in the Tower.

The other notable feature is the casting - described as "identity conscious" rather than colour-blind, representative of the othering of Anne and her relatives. Another standout is Thalissa Teixeira as Anne's cousin Madge Shelton, fleshed out as her confidant and the only one who remains true to her. It's a fresh perspective and a worthwhile watch, particularly for Turner-Smith's performance.

Cruella (dir. Craig Gillespie) - Spoilers. I wasn’t planning on bothering with this, but my sister wanted to watch it and I’d been told by several people that it was actually quite good. Look, I'm not saying they lied, I just think they were able to look past things that I was not.

Because actually, the core story has potential and the film has enjoyable elements (notably Emma Thompson), but simply falters every time they try and shoehorn references to the source material, and there are some truly egregious attempts - Roger is the Baroness’s lawyer for some reason? And writes the familiar Cruella De Vil song about how awful she is when she's just given him a puppy?

It doesn’t work as a prequel, or villain origin story, or even a reboot, since Cruella’s character journey is over by the end of the film (I have no idea what the purported sequel is going to be about) - in fact "Cruella" is just a persona Stone's Estella adopts (complete with a terrible affected accent), and there is no conceivable way for her to become the wannabe puppy murderer we know from the book or any of the film adaptations. Oh, and Pongo and Perdita are siblings! Well done, Disney. Slow clap for you.

Also, with a runtime of 2 hours 16 minutes it is Interminable and the whole thing is saddled with a terrible, unnecessary voiceover. Seriously, they should show this in film class to demonstrate when v/o hinders not helps.

They were likely going for a Maleficent-style re-imagining, but where that succeeded (somewhat) in a completely new retelling right down to a different ending to the source material, this wants to have it's cake and eat it too - it wants to have the Cruella aesthetic (the car, the hair, Hell Hall, the camp accent) but doesn't ever let her be a villain, or even the beginnings of a villain, but that's that's reason she's so memorable in the first place. It puts all the pieces in place for the story we know, and yet that story simply cannot happen with this version of Cruella.

In the end, it's a story of a fundamentally decent person who maybe goes a bit overboard in retaliating to bullies, and swindles a sociopath to reclaim what's rightfully hers. Cruella De Vil! I just couldn't get over this fundamental misapplication of the source material.

In many ways, it almost feels as if this was pitched as a sequel, with Cruella in the Baroness role. It would have fit a lot better with the aesthetic, the time period, and the concept of punk disruption of classic fashion. Or, it was a completely unrelated story of a plucky orphan who rises in the fashion world, that at some point was grafted onto the Dalmatians property. Either one would have worked better, frankly.

I am probably being overly harsh. If you switch off your brain and enjoy the clothes it’s fine. But honestly, if you want your live action Cruella fix, just watch the Glenn Close version, because it is superior in every way.

The Chair (season 1) - I watched this for Sandra Oh, and I was not disappointed, because I got to watch Sandra Oh. On the other hand...it's not that I didn't like it, I just...wish it had been better?

The story revolves around Ji-Yoon Kim, the first woman (let alone woman of colour) to become Chair of English at a "minor Ivy" university, as she tries to juggle the clash of old style academia and new, raise her daughter as a single mother, and deal with a series of controversies caused by one of her professors (and love interest). It's the latter I feel sucked up way too much time and was ultimately unsatisfying - particularly the end, which was played like a moral victory but really rubbed me the wrong way. If this gets a season 2, I hope they dump Jay Duplass' fuckup sadsack because hoo boy, am I sick of that kind of male character.

But Sandra Oh is wonderful.

Writing

The Lady of the Lake - chapter 5 posted, 4215 words (10,261)

Against the Dying of the Light 1954 words (11,976)

Here I Go Again - 414 words (12,948)

Novel - 1039 words (1484)

Total this month: 7,622

Total this year: 48,435

[dolldirector]

Fallen Realm Playlist Masterpost

Big infodump under the read more, if you like my OCs and/or agree with my flawless music taste this should be interdasting

1. MUSE - Thought Contagion

Vampire stuff, punk vibes, a nod to thriller, all of the above fit the mood of a FR show + the song is genuinely very good and I could see it being used on stage easily.

2. PAIN - Call Me

Absolute banger. But that's besides the point. I see this as being the bassist Jez/Jamie's song (with a side of Deuce as the second vocalist). Jez is a fairly quiet lad who generally keeps to himself but I always imagined that he’d be secretly very flirty and cheeky, but would mostly only really express it via music. I actually wrote a lil short story where most of FR's band (minus Rex and Isabella) find themselves in some dive bar after a show, and end up performing in the place of the no-show band that was meant to be there that night. That band ends up being the very same one that kicked Jez out, so it’s a bit of a revenge story for him. This short is on my discord by the by.

3. Emigrate - Eat You Alive

Oh boy, this is a strong one. Basically, just watch this video but pretend that Axl is Richard (the frontman). That’s it. That’s the explanation.

Being serious though, RZK is and always has been a huge influence for Axl's visual design, mannerisms and on-stage behaviours. On top of that, this is 100% the type of music he'd listen to, and the lyrics may as well just be plucked right outta his brain. Are the words meant to be aimed at Valeriya in a threatening way? Or is it a cheeky flirt with Trinity? Both? Neither? We’ll never know.

Also, completely unrelated I’m sure, here’s a wip you may or may not be able to force me to finish on stream via channel points soon...

4. Axel One - Out of the Dark

Can't exactly say much about this one cause it's spoilers, but I will say it's less about the song itself and more about the video, and that it does concern the one FR character who is already dead when the story begins.

5. Lord of the Lost - Raining Stars

Just seems to me like a real good song to perform to. I can imagine seeing acrobatic stunts in slow-mo to this track. That’s it for this one, just “I just think they’re neat”. Gorgeous song and video by an amazing band anyway though.

6. Oomph! - Supernova

Kinda the same deal as the Emigrate song, you can just insert Axl into this one in Dero’s place, along with Jez, Vlad, and Thatch. Once again the style and lyrics fit him perfectly, and this one earns bonus points since Dero is actually Axl's canon voiceclaim - specifically in this era of Oomph!’s music too.

7. Die Kreatur - Kälter als der Tod

At the risk of this thread becoming Oops All Axl TM - AH YES. This one is perfect for the point where Axl finally gets the fuck over himself, and stops being horrible to Vlad because of guitar jealousy, and they become bros.

Realistically, I doubt that Vlad - the clueless human vampire fanatic - will ever realise that Axl is a real actual vampire, but he'd be so glad that they seem to have this ~shared interest~ in them, and he'd by hyped as heck to do a performance like this with his guitar buddy. By the way, Vlad wonders to himself, isn’t it odd that he’s never seen Axl putting his fake fangs in?? Weird

As for the girl on the altar, there are a couple ideas I’ve toyed with. Random audience member for fun. Trinity but Axl gets mad jealous even though he thought and said he wouldn't. (No sharing!! Not even for jokes.) Valeriya but the poor thing is scared to the point of tears because this is just a little too close to a real experience for her and Vlad just can't figure out why. Axl insists she’s just being dramatic. Rex has to rescue her because she’s too shy to put her foot down.

Or perhaps Isabella would wanna join in, but she can't take it seriously and keeps laughing which just causes a chain reaction every time with even Axl cracking a smile. There are like a million cut takes now. Send help.

All in all a fun crossover to think about.

8. Adelitas Way - Still Hungry

This one is just Diesel’s anthem. This is the story of a young punk who can’t stop, won’t stop, never gives up and needs more. Right kinda music for him too.

9. MONO INC. - Shining Light

100% a full-cast song. I feel like the lyrics apply to a number of different things about various members of the circus' backstories, and their found family vibe together - if you think about them in super vague terms, at least. I liked to consider the vocals a duet between Rex and Isabella, being the two singers, but there are a couple lines that are kinda too adult for Bella and would make the duet sorta odd so ehhh 90% of it can be that, let’s say. (This is baring in mind that Isabella is an orphaned minor and Rex is like a father figure for her - as he kinda is for many of the members of the circus)

I also did a doodle of this. This one will also be on the force-me-to-work-on-this-WIP-live pile.

9.5. Lacrimosa - Lichtgestalt a.k.a the original version of Shining Light

Same song, just German and carrying a much darker, creepier tone. It fits in new, fun ways.

10. Oomph! - Viel zu Tief

OOPS ALL AXL TM

Lyrics are very important for this one. Once again, music is the right style, Dero is still his voiceclaim, and Axl actually speaks German in canon (and NO I didn’t do that just so Oomph! songs fit him better, shUT UP)

11. Pet Shop Boys - It’s a Sin

Bit out of left field for this playlist, sure, but with all the controversy and extremely shakey morals in FR's world and with its characters, this one just seems fitting. Plus I'd want em to cover it for a show. Banger.

Honorable mention goes to Ghost’s cover of this song. I don’t even listen to Ghost but my reaction upon finding out this exists was like “lmao yes, of course, why wouldn’t they”.

This song in general I associate instinctively with Vlad, purely because its 80s and campy and I feel like he’d be the type to listen to Ghost.

12. Destiny Potato - Lunatic

Very strongly feel this is a performance song featuring Isabella. This song fits the character - and in particular her tragic backstoryTM pretty well. I’d even go so far as to say the singer would be a pretty good voiceclaim for her if her voice wasn’t meant to be more robotic in canon. This is pretty close to what I imagine, though. Strong n sweet.

13. Nightwish - I Want My Tears Back

One of the first songs I imagined to go well with stage performances. This one for sure would be a duet between Rex and Isabella.

Plus at about 3:10 there's a long solo with a bit of back-and-forth between the guitar and hurdy gurdy (I think?) that I could 100% see Axl and Vlad doing on guitar and keytar respectively.

14. Lord of the Lost - Drag Me To Hell

Yeah this one is just Axl @ his ex

15. Lindemann - Steh Auf!

Bleib nicht liegen, es wär schade - Zirkus ist heut in der Stadt

So, this would be from Isabella’s perspective. Did I mention she was orphaned? Yeah. I guess this one is a little dark.

16. Otetsu & GUMI - Disordered Self-Restraint Girl

The song itself seems to be the story of a child who is trying to coax their parent/guardian into getting up and doing things, not realising that parent had passed away from a drug overdose. Drugs isn’t the way Isabella’s parents died, but the rest of the song fits that part of her backstory imo. Plus, it’s German, and Isabella is German, so yay!

Uh oh, vocaloid.

For a long time I've associated this one with Valeria, and her feelings towards the circus in the early days. After she's accidentally turned by Axl, Val gets effectively kidnapped by FR, taken in before she can even regain consciousness and completely against her will, since it would be incredibly irresponsible of them to just leave a fresh new vampire out in the world so they kinda don't have a choice. While she eventually finds her place and elects to stay after some time has passed, there was a period of time where she definitely would have felt trapped.

This is without even going into the fact that she's now stuck travelling and living with her would-be murderer, and - due to the fact that half of the circus don't even know non-humans exist, let alone what actually happened to Valeria - many of the people around her don't seem to care, or simply do not understand why she's so scared and stressed. It leaves her, at times, feeling like she could be killed tomorrow and nobody would give a shit.

Showtime, katanamochi bunbun furimawashi kubi kara ue hanetobashite mo - ashita ni nareba minna motodoori, waratte yurushite

Translation: Showtime, even if a sword wielder slices my head and makes it fly off, tomorrow everything continues as usual, smiling, forgiving

(Don't worry, in reality Rex, Diesel, and Thatch are there for her & understand the shit she's going through. I promise the folks in the circus do actually care. It's just hard for her to see it in this period of time.)

(There will almost definitely be more songs and doodles added here in the future, but for now that’s all folks!)

[rex-shadao]

The Failure of Rey Nobody

I haven’t done a Star Wars analysis or review in a long time.  But with the recent release of Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker and the subsequent details being revealed, I feel it’s a good time to go over what happened in TROS and how it affects the rest of the saga.  Oh, there’s a lot to go over, but I’ll stick with one particular topic that I have an ax to grind on ever since the post-TFA release...

The topic of Rey’s parents and heritage.

As I’ve stated before, this is going to involve MAJOR spoilers from TROS, so please don’t continue reading if you don't want to be spoiled. Let’s begin, shall we?

So it turns out that Rey is actually related to someone important in the Saga.  While parents were nobodies just as Kylo Ren said, her grandfather is not.  And no, it’s not Obi-Wan Kenobi.  It’s Sheev Palpatine.

That’s right. Emperor Sheev Palpatine of the FIRST Galactic Empire aka Darth Sidious aka the BIG BAD of Prequel and Original Trilogies... is the grandfather of Rey.  And here I thought Harry Potter and the Cursed Child revelation was dumb but at least there I can understand how Lord Voldemort could have a child since he at least has a fanatical lover known as Bellatrix Lestrange.  But Palpatine is never shown to have any mistress, not in the films or expanded media.  And his characterization indicates that old Sheev only cares about power and immortality.  Why does he need to produce heirs when he has a powerful Darth Vader and his more powerful offsprings, Luke Skywalker and Leia Organa, to groom for the throne?  That is if he ever wants to give that up.

Regardless of that fact (that’s for another topic), the fact that Rey is revealed to be a Palpatine completely undermines the argument that Rey Random/Nobody advocates preached for the last three years or so.  That making Rey a nobody with unremarkable parents would send a stronger message for the audience and kids.  That making her a Skywalker would somehow imply that you could only be a hero and a Jedi if you came from Force royalty bloodline.  And that revealing that Rey is unrelated to anybody is a “great” subversion of the Luke, I Am Your Father trope.

I don’t know about you, but having Rey be related to the Lucifer of the Force, the most evil man in the galaxy, and the mastermind behind the Empire and the First Order, that is anything but a nobody.  It’s pretty much making her a Skywalker except with none of the actual Skywalker relationship benefits like good family members (Luke, Leia, and Padme) and a dynamic with Kylo Ren that isn’t Reylo.  Oh, I can see all of those TLJ defenders being pissed off about TROS retconning the Rey Nobody reveal and blaming JJ Abrams for “caving” to the angry fans... but honestly, this was inevitable.

Rey Nobody was doomed from the beginning.

Why? Because it offers no real narrative after the revelation.  It’s a meta-subversion that went after a short-gain that wasn’t needed to begin with.  Here are several reasons:

1) The idea of a Nobody becoming a hero or a Jedi is not new in Star Wars.

If you only see the films on a surface and don’t pay attention to the EU material, you’ll be left with the impression that the Skywalker family are the only people who have the Force due to their ancestor, Anakin, being literally born from the Force in a virgin birth.  But if you think about it for a moment, you would know that the Skywalkers were an exception to the rule.  Jedi were celibate and they were not supposed to have families.  How Force-sensitive people were found were dependent on luck, and Anakin himself came from a lowly position of a slave in a backwater planet of the Outer Rim.

So by default, potential Jedi always came from random people scattered across the galaxy.  Their parents were almost always muggles, and there’s no great mystery about them beyond what happened to them.  And for a Jedi, their story path lies ahead, not behind unless there is something about the past that they should know.

Story-wise, the default explanation for Rey’s origins is that of any Jedi.  She’s a nobody born to a bunch of nobodies and lives on a backwater planet with a greater future ahead of her.  The idea that is somehow a revolutionary concept in Star Wars is almost laughable.  It’s the same as making a big surprising revelation that Mulan is a woman in an army where every other soldier else are women as well.  People can accept Rey Nobody from the beginning like every other Star Wars character introduced in the Saga.  It’s only when you imply there’s more to the character than meets the eye...

2) The Mystery Box Hype

The Mystery Box is designed for one thing only.  To make you generate hype and investment into something that has very little to show.  It’s a great ploy to draw in an audience and see where you can take the story that would please the most people.  But the Mystery Box has a critical weakness.  Sooner or later, people would want to know what’s in the box, and they have spent money and time for that box.  The last thing they want to hear is that they paid for an empty box.

This is the undiscussed part of the Mystery Box factor.  People would rave about how Steven Spielberg created suspense and true terror by not showing the shark when it attacked people in the film.  But what they don’t talk about is that Spielberg nearly destroyed himself and his production trying to get good footage of the shark in its full glory.  Spielberg knew that the audience wouldn’t forgive him if he never showed them the actual shark that he hyped up from the beginning.

This was a critical flaw in Rey’s Mystery Box heritage.  As stated before, Rey started off in the film as a nobody.  That was no mystery.  So to imply that there is something hidden from the audience, something that vague enough for Han and Maz to get lingering shots about her identity, creates higher expectations.  It’s not necessarily about her parents but rather her role in the story.  All of the Skywalker Saga visions, Anakin’s Lightsaber, Luke being her destination, etc.  They seem to hint that Rey is important to the Skywalker family, whatever that reason may be, and it’s something that no other Force-sensitive person could do except her.  Of course, the big reveal in TFA is that she is Force-sensitive (as if that is surprising) but TFA didn’t clear up on Rey’s parents.  No faces, no names, nothing.  They are still a mystery that needed to be resolved despite what Maz Kanata states otherwise to Rey.  So we have two mysteries regarding Rey: Her connection to the Skywalkers and the starship leaving Rey on Jakku.

These two mysteries could be connected but not necessarily so.  But they had to be addressed in some way or some form.

And did TLJ address these two mysteries?  No.  It didn’t.  The best answer for the Skywalker connection is Snoke’s “The darkness rises and the light to meet it,” implying that Rey was destined to rise and combat the evil that is Kylo Ren.  Which is a generic answer that doesn’t explain why it has to be her and not someone else (remember, she didn’t choose to be the hero when those TFA visions happen).  The other mystery, her parents, is a non-answer.  Instead of revealing why the starship left Rey, TLJ focuses on the identity of the parents and reveals them to be filthy, deceased junk traders who sold their daughter for money.  It is clearly a meta-message to say that Rey has no place in the story and that she must forge her own path as Rey Nobody... except it answers nothing.  

It’s the same status quo that Rey was in from the very beginning of TFA.  She’s a nobody who would become the next Jedi hero and her parents are unimportant for the story.  Most reveals like Darth Vader being Luke’s father or that Bucky killed Stark’s parents are effective because they move the plot further and gives us something to look forward to as we wait for the sequel to answer the questions from the reveal (like how would Luke face his father, how would Cap and Iron Man repair their relationship, etc.).  But with Rey’s mysteries being revealed as something we would already be accustomed to, there is nothing for the audience to wonder for the next film.  Why should we care about the ship in the flashback if it’s just Rey’s parents selling Rey off for drinking money?  Why should we care about Rey’s connection with the Skywalker Family if she is not part of their story?

3) Meta-Narrative over In-Universe Reason

If you hadn’t noticed already, I’ve made a big emphasis on how Rey is assumed to be a Nobody at the beginning of TFA.  That is no mistake.  Because in-universe, Rey has no reason to believe that her parents or heritage were anything special.  She doesn’t believe that she is a Skywalker or a Palpatine.  She’s just an orphan lost in a world that has abandoned her.  She would be glad to find a new purpose in her life and resolve her parental abandonment issues.  This is Rey’s character at the end of TLJ.  It hasn’t changed since the end of TFA.  She learned nothing about herself except the confirmation that her parents were indeed nobodies.  Despite what Rian Johnson may say, that is not the worst thing Rey would hear as an answer.

Luke was content with his father being just a spice freighter navigator, and he was delighted to hear that his father was really a powerful Jedi Knight.  The answer that broke his spirit wasn’t Anakin was “a filthy junk trader” who gave him away to Uncle Owen; it was learning that Darth Vader, the evil man that he hated for killing his father and Obi-Wan, was his father Anakin.  To be related to an evil mass murderer who now wants you to join him and take over the galaxy together can traumatize any orphan who longed for a family, including Rey.

But Rey Nobody doesn’t offer that emotional narrative.  Rey Nobody was the starting status quo of TFA and TLJ offered nothing for Rey’s character beyond a “romance” with her archenemy.  The mysteries surrounding Rey have been answered with the starting status quo in an attempt to send in a meta-message that was unneeded from the beginning.  In short, Rey Nobody renders Rey to be a static character as everything about her was already answered in TFA.

Now compare that with Rey Palpatine.

Rey Palpatine, as dumb as it sounds, actually raises the stakes for her.  She is now related to the most evil man in the galaxy, and that evil man wants her to join him (or inherit the throne).  Rey must confront her grandfather and is now faced with the prospect that she would turn to the Dark Side because of her Palpatine blood as well as the moral dilemma of getting the family she wanted at the cost of knowing they are part of the most hated lineage in the galaxy.  There is tension, there is a personal conflict badly needed for her after TLJ...

And all of this could have been done with Rey Skywalker.  Rey Skywalker would have a lot more personal stakes, tensions, and weight considering how the films are billed as the Skywalker Saga.  It would have been perfect.  Instead, we get Rey Nobody... which didn’t offer JJ Abrams the conflict he needs for her in Episode IX thanks to the last two episodes playing around Mystery Boxes, so he retconned Rey as a Palpatine instead.  A Morton’s Fork at work, congratulations!

If you wanted Rey Nobody, you should have started her as Rey Nobody and then build up her character to make us care instead of surrounding her in mysteries that may not be satisfied.

[glowyjellyfish]

I just started rewatching Battlestar Galactica. Well, when i say just started, I mean i started two nights ago and I just finished season 1, so.

Firstly, at the beginning everyone is a tiny innocent baby and a sweet summer child (yes, even after their civilization gets destroyed. Sweet summer children all.), except Starbuck who is more of a tiny magnificent chaotic asshole.

Secondly, Baltar is one of my favorites and I think he’s among the best characters I have ever seen. His character development is phenomenal; I’d say he’s a stunning example of a redemption arc, but I’m not sure it totally counts when he was never really a villain at all. Arrogant, self-serving, and dickish, yes, but never deliberately evil. I love watching him break down and get built back up again, it’s a highly entertaining and often poignant roller coaster. And of course, he’s also just a delight to watch. I wish something like this had come up on the show, but I am convinced that people in the fleet--especially on Galactica and Colonial One--are well aware that he talks to himself and frequently disassociates, and chalk it up to trauma from being on Caprica during the attack. Sometimes I like to think that he 100% has that trauma and some degree of PTSD and Head Six took advantage of that state to set herself up in his head, but I’m not sure whether to make that headcanon or if it’s just a nice theory.

Thirdly, Gaeta is my favorite and I love him to pieces. The first time I watched when it first aired waaaay back in the day, I was rooting so hard for him to be a cylon, and I’m still slightly bummed that he wasn’t. I can’t complain about what he got as a consolation prize, going out with a bang and loads of juicy character development, with the added bonus that Anders also got some great character development. (Um, I should probably explain real quick that I read somewhere back in the day that when the writers were choosing the Final Five, it was kind of a toss-up between Anders and Gaeta, and they chose Anders. I felt validated that he was at least at the top of the list, and since I also loved cylon!Anders it proved to be a pretty good second choice for me. Believe me though, I wrote so many fanfics about how Gaeta might still be a cylon somehow, most of them super bad.) His whole development arc is less of a roller coaster and more of a long slow painful train wreck, and it’s gonna hurt so much but ugh I love it. Right now, at the end of season one, he is still such a sweet summer child, like my god he still has a crush on Baltar and hasn’t been disillusioned yet! And turns out I still firmly ship it. Gaeta’s got such a crush, poor boy, and it was so sweet and destroyed my little shipper heart at the end of Six Degrees of Separation when after a whole episode of everyone turning on Baltar and telling him they never trusted him and him freaking out, Gaeta came along and exonerated Baltar and told him he always believed in him. Awwww New Caprica’s gonna kill me, I swear. 

Chief and Tigh are also up there in terms of my favorites, and there’s always gonna be something wonderful about a rewatch and all those scenes where they’re talking about people being Cylons and suspecting people of being Cylons and hey guess what you two. Guess what.

On this rewatch, I really enjoyed seeing Lee acting as the compromise between the military and politics. I vaguely recall that that’s a major part of his character going forward, basically everything that isn’t Starbuck, father issues, or Love Quadrangle Of Doom, and am curious how I’m gonna see it now. Originally, I found him good for a hero character and reasonably interesting, and I seem to recall liking such plots as him quitting the military way more than other viewers, but he’s never been one of my favorites.

...I also feel obliged to point out that in these trying times it is very hard not to 100% agree with Tom Zarek. If he was a little less murdery, man. Of course, I should also point out that unlike some other viewers--no, I don’t remember specifics, I probably read opinions on a forum 15 years ago--I felt like the season 4 mutiny was bringing up some extremely valid points that needed to be addressed (even if Zarek was mostly using them as an excuse to coast to power and Gaeta was airing his grievances in the worst possible way when what he probably actually really needed was a lot of intense therapy) so perhaps this is nothing new. 

I’m also excited and scared for the President Baltar plot coming later, but in these times I am fairly certain my feelings will be “you guys are big babies. Oh boo hoo, your legally elected president is genuinely intelligent and charismatic and just happens to be rather self-centered and self-serving and shitty at governing, oh noooo he had to be held at gunpoint to sign death warrants for dissenters… grow up.” I… can’t take most “super evil villain becomes president oh no” stories seriously anymore, literally all the ones I am aware of were better than reality.

I don’t feel like it needs to be said, but Starbuck, Roslin, and Adama? All perfect and amazing, of course. They’re not my favorites, but that’s mainly because they are popular main characters, and I tend to prefer unpopular sideline characters and characters that need defending or merit lengthy essays. Everyone loves those guys for good reason, they don’t need me supporting them.

Also I forgot how precious Dee and Billy were, and how their relationship added interesting layers and angles to loads of plotlines. Makes me bummed about Billy (though I know it wasn’t the show’s fault), and then bummed that Dee got entangled in the Love Quadrangle of Doom, and then… kinda fridged to be honest. I wonder what would have happened with the Final Five if Billy was still around, would it have been Billy there instead of Tory? Or to keep the gender ratio and a touch of diversity, would they have gone with Dee? Would that have made them more or less likely to choose Gaeta over Anders, then? My gut says less, but who knows? It sure would have been rad if Dee got that much character development unrelated to romance, though.

It’s also weird how much I still keep trying to add things to the show’s arc and mythology to make it make more sense to me, personally. Like, logically I know that the whole thing is that god as spoken of by the cylons is 100% real, the head characters are literally communicating with people on his behalf, the opera house is the CIC and all the prophecies and stuff are leading to humans and cylons living together and interbreeding on Earth to make us. But I’m constantly trying to add things like “maybe the lords of kobol were twelve or thirteen original cylons on kobol 2000 years ago, and maybe they’re the head characters, like they ascended their physical bodies or something, and maybe the physical characters who look like the head characters are like the reincarnations of them or of the original humans they were modelled on, and the whole story is very similar and playing out again which is why certain characters have visions and stuff, but there have never been human/cylon hybrids before and that’s what god wants in order to end the cycle and/or because god is love god wants them to love each other and stop killing each other please? Maybe?” Shrug, I know some fans hate how spiritual it went, and I’m not one of them. I just prefer the slightly more humanist angle of reincarnation over literally just “god did it”. 

However, I am really enjoying just taking Head Six 100% at her word and watching her manipulate the fucking shit out of Baltar to get him reliant on her and in the position she needs him to be in. It’s kind of amazing. And also, fascinating to consider Leoben in Flesh and Bone in the context of knowing what happens to Starbuck. He absolutely knows that she’s going to lead them all to Earth and die in the process. I don’t think he knows any details at all, but it’s really interesting to watch assuming that he knows her fate. And I am not sure the show ever really explained why Leoben knows this stuff. Does he have visions? His own head person? Does he just sit and listen real hard to the Hybrids and interpret their sayings? ...I guess I do find it weird that the show chose to go so hard on making him creepy as fuck to her on New Caprica, and then apparently didn’t know a lot else they wanted to do with him, but we’ll see how I feel as it goes along.

Anyway, I think I’ve exhausted my most coherent array of thoughts. 

[hazelnmae]

Lies Travel Faster Part Two: Chapter Four

Summary: Sophia Murphy’s past is coming for her. Can she outrun it?

Tags: Tommy Shelby x Original Female Character

Warnings: angst; smut; violence; language; rape/non-con; death

ALSO WARNING: This chapter catches us up to the events of S5 so beware of S5 Spoilers.

Chapter 4 Read Chapter 3 here

“I had a dream about a black cat last night, Pol. A black cat dream means there is a traitor close by. It was you who taught me that.”

“Black cat can mean lots of things,” Polly responded. “Can mean you're hurting yourself. Betraying yourself.”

Tommy lit the cigarette hanging from his mouth and leaned his back against the bar.

The dreams had been coming more frequently. The hallucinations more clearly. And since the news of the stock exchange crashing, he couldn’t get rid of the sinking feeling that things would get worse before they got better.

“Are you seeing things, Thomas?” Polly asked him after a few moments of silence.

“Yes, I am,” he responded without thinking. “Yes, I am. Very clearly. Coming from every fucking direction.”

Though he wouldn’t admit it, he was nervous. Not for the meeting--he’d never been nervous to face his family, least of all Michael, even if he did lose much of the company’s holdings in the crash. He wanted to throttle his cousin, was ready to cut him out of the family altogether, but he wasn’t nervous to see him.

When she walked into the pub, it suddenly made sense. The bundle of nerves that had been sitting in his chest fell quickly to the pit of his stomach.

Sophie.

She made quick eye contact with him, but promptly dodged his gaze by looking about the room for someone else, anyone else to address. She made a beeline for Polly on the other side of the room.

Michael and Gina walked to the middle. They were the focus of the meeting, after all, and Sophie planned to fly under the radar. Why Tommy had insisted on her attending at all still had her a bit flustered. It wasn’t he who requested it directly, of course, but Arthur who spoke with her at the train station.

Polly just eyed her as Sophie moved to the woman’s side. The grin on her face indicating this was a moment she’d been waiting for. For Sophie, though, this was the moment she’d been dreading.

She hadn’t wanted to return to Birmingham, not really, but she knew she had to. There was nothing left for her in America. Once and for all, she’d ended the feud that plagued her for so many years. And while that was a particular relief for her, she had no desire to stay and start over with a new life.

The truth was she was comfortable in her new line of work. Pulling that trigger and dropping Vincenzo reignited a fight in her that she’d long ago lost. Her previous life in Birmingham was a dream to her now, an odd and sometimes frightening, always disappointing, dream. A dream in which she’d lost herself. She’d lost sight of who she was--from where she came. And her time in America only reminded her of that.

Returning to Birmingham required a reconciliation of those two versions of herself. And she welcomed this.

It also required a reconciliation of another kind. One she wasn't ready for.

Tommy attempted to take charge of the meeting, almost immediately, clearing his throat and leaning his back against the bar to get everyone’s attention.

But Michael didn’t sit, not yet. Instead he walked toward his cousin and spoke first.

“Tommy, I'd like to introduce you to my wife,” Michael said, motioning toward Gina who sat at the small table behind him. “I would also like to say something--”

“Sit down, Michael,” Tommy interrupted.

But Michael continued, “I betrayed you--”

This time it was Polly who interrupted, taking a step toward them and ignoring Sophie as her focus now turned to her son.

“Michael,” she said sternly.

But again, Michael continued on, “But only in my heart. There was a time, in America, and there was a lot of money in that bank. And I wondered if I could I could leave, move to California. Someone said I should invest in pictures. Hollywood. But Sophie stopped me.” He nodded toward her where Sophie audibly gasped at the attention now turned on her. She felt her heart racing and feared it might actually burst from her.

But Tommy didn’t even look in her direction.

“I told you to sit down, Michael,” he said.

This time Michael did what he was told and the discussion quickly shifted to the real order of business, the ship’s docking in Belfast and the run-in with the Billy Boys and the IRA that followed.

Sophie hadn’t been aware of it at first, as both sides clearly focused on Tommy Shelby’s cousin rather than some woman he once knew.

She was on edge for the rest of the trip after Michael came to her cabin and informed her of what had taken place. But in truth, she was also relieved to have been no part of it. Judging by Tommy’s demeanor, he wasn’t convinced by Michael’s story and Sophie was thankful she wasn’t also in a position to have to defend herself.

The fact that she clearly meant so little to Tommy that neither side would come for her had her feeling something else, though. Anger. Frustration. Sadness. A combination of all three. She was angered and frustrated that his enemies had apparently caught onto the dissolution of their relationship quicker than she had. And she was saddened to have to face it all over again.

Sophie realized she’d completely lost track of the conversation unfolding and had no idea how it’d taken the turn it had, but Micheal's proclamation caught her attention, snapping her back to the present.

“The reason Gina and I got married on the ship was because Gina is pregnant,” Michael said. “You're going to be a grandmother,” he added, turning to Polly.

Polly was shocked and Sophie could tell it was taking everything in her not to burst into tears right then and there. She sat at the next table, steadying herself to the news.

“Okay, Michael. I believe you,” Tommy finally said. “Welcome home. And congratulations.”

He extinguished the almost spent cigarette and added, “Just remember your unborn child has witnessed what you said.”

“Thomas!” Polly shouted, appalled at the gall her nephew had to curse an unborn baby.

“And it will be born according to--”

“You fuck!” Michael interrupted, practically jumping from his chair and moving toward Tommy, who didn’t even flinch.

Sophie, instinctively, moved toward the scuffle, but Arthur made it there first, restraining Michael who held onto Tommy’s empty gaze.

“Where the fuck are you going, hmm? Are you fucking mad?” Arthur asked his cousin. “You are free to fucking leave, Michael.”

“You fucking bastard,” Michael spat at Tommy through gritted teeth.

“But you're not free, Michael, are you? You lost this company a lot of money,” Tommy replied calmly. “I told you to sell but you held on, and now I want you to pay me back what you owe me. There is work you can do, there are risks you can take. We were close before. Now I want you closer still,” Tommy said, claiming the last word.

“Michael, honey,” Gina said. “Look at your cousin. He's in trouble, huh? He needs you. Come on, baby, let's go.”

And with that, Michael, Gina, and Polly left the pub in a flurry.

“Black cat dream is never wrong, brother,” Arthur added before taking one look at Sophie and walking out the door behind them.

The gravity of the situation finally hit Sophie for the first time.

A black cat dream. She didn’t know much about Romani culture, but she was sure she’d heard about black cat dreams from Polly when Alfie Solomons had betrayed Tommy at the fights two years prior. They were bad omens. They signified a traitor approaching.  

Tommy had told Michael to sell, and Michael had refused, fancying himself the wiser man. Clearly Tommy interpreted this as a traitorous act. An act of betrayal.

And Sophie questioned this herself. Is Michael a traitor? Was there something happening in America I should have noticed? Could I have stopped this? She thought.

Tommy stood in silence for a few moments, not even looking at Sophie, instead stepping behind the bar to grab another bottle of whiskey and pour himself a drink.

He nodded in her direction, to ask if she would care for a drink herself, but she shook her head to refuse the offer.

Tommy leaned against the bar and finally looked at her, drinking her in after what felt like an eternity. He’d forgotten so much about her. The intense way she could hold his eye contact. The way she always seemed to be smiling from the corners of her mouth, even when she was unhappy or upset. He’d remembered how beautiful she was, but was struck by the new air of confidence that emanated from her, as if it just added to the charm.

She was wearing her hair different, but she’d changed in other ways too.

“You look different,” he said, finally deciding to speak to her for the first time in two years.

“How so?” Sophie asked in return.

He didn’t know how to answer the question, because he couldn’t exactly identify it himself. He knew what she’d done in America, of course, always staying informed of her movements but never letting her know as much. But he wasn’t sure if that’s what had changed her.

“I don’t know. At peace?” He finally offered as much a question as an answer.

Sophie just smiled.

She certainly didn’t consider herself at peace. She was satisfied that she’d sought and found justice for her family, but she wasn’t at all at peace with what she’d done.

“I feel different.”

“At peace?” He asked.

“No,” she answered. “You know, Tommy, in my time away I learned just how alike we are, you and I. And you know as well as I do that people like us will never have peace.”

Something about what she said and how she said it cut to Tommy’s core. He didn’t want Sophie to be like him. He wanted her to find peace. But somewhere deep inside, he knew she was right. She had proven she was like him--determined, stubborn really, and unrelenting in the pursuit of what they wanted. Damn if she isn’t exactly right, he thought.

He felt like he should say something--tell her she was wrong, assure her she’d one day find peace, remind her just how much better than him she really was. But he couldn’t form the right words. So, as usual, he remained silent.

“You look different, too,” she continued after a short pause, gesturing toward his hair.

Tommy ran a hand through his hair and grinned.

And Sophie felt it in her gut. That grin.

It always did have a way of leaving her breathless, of knocking her flat on her ass when she least expected it.

She realized in that moment just how much she’d missed being near him. And she found herself frantically working out any way of remaining close to him.

She’d come to the meeting to resign from Shelby Company, for the second time. But when he grinned she panicked at the thought of leaving him again.

She cleared her throat to speak, to ask for more work, any excuse to stay near him, but was relieved when Tommy beat her to it. She tried to steady herself again.

“Clearly your work in America is finished. I've some ideas for you,” he paused to take a drag from his freshly lit cigarette then continued, “but I have plans tonight. Come to Charlie’s yard tomorrow. We can work out the details.”

Sophie just stared at him, unable, in that moment, to decide what direction she should take. Refuse, walk away for good, leave it all behind? Or agree, keep him near, risk it all?

“That is assuming you still want to work for us,” he added.

“No. I mean, yes. Of course I do," She answered quicker than she thought she could.

Sophie felt her palms grow sweaty, suddenly anxious now that she'd committed to something.

That’s when the door to the pub swung open and a slight, dark haired woman entered. She looked at Sophie first, then glanced at Tommy before returning her gaze to Sophie.

Tommy cleared his throat and shuffled his feet, obviously uncomfortable with the situation.

“Ah, well, you're busy,” Sophie said to no one in particular.

“Yes, we've got plans--”

But Sophie interrupted him, just smiling, “You said that.”

Somewhat abruptly, Sophie turned and made her way from the pub, not even giving him an opportunity to respond. She didn’t need a response, Jesse Eden’s presence said it all.

She’d recognized the young woman from the photographs she’d seen in the paper. Sophie wasn’t sure if she was still in Tommy’s life, as Arthur hadn’t mentioned her in his updates as of late. But seeing her walk in, the look she gave Tommy, his reaction to the two women being in the same room--it was all the update she needed.

Inside the pub, Jesse turned her attention to Tommy, somewhat shocked at Sophie’s rude behavior. She hadn’t even stopped to introduce herself.

“You going tell me what that's about?” Jesse asked, fidgeting with her gloves.

“No,” was all the response she received.

Because just then, he spotted Sophie’s shawl on the back of a chair by where she’d stood during the meeting. It was a deep green and he thought how it must compliment her skin tone. It was elegant--and it made him think of just how full of contradictions she was. Soft, feminine, full of class. A woman who could wear that shawl. But strong, tough, merciless when necessary. A woman who could drop a ruthless Italian mobster with one shot from a distant hillside. After all this time, she still fascinated him.

“Let’s go, Thomas," Jesse said, sensing he'd been distracted.

“One minute.”

He made his way across the room as Jesse walked out of the pub ahead of him. He gently lifted the shawl off the back of the chair, careful not to let any ash fall from his cigarette onto the delicate material. He held it to his nose and inhaled deeply.

It was soft in his calloused and overworked hands.

And it smelled like fucking peonies.

Tommy tossed it on the table and followed Jesse out the door.

_______________________

Read Chapter 5

Thanks so much for reading along, friends. Comments and feedback are both very much appreciated! XOXO

My lovely and wonderful tag list full of friends: @justanothershelby @evelynshelby @l0tsofpennies @sympathyfortheblinderdevil @actuallyazriel @huntersvibe @porcelainjokersmadness @julietswildchild @geeksareunique @brianaisasongbird 

[savethemanga]

What happened to Dororo and Hyakkimaru?

Sorry, but I need to rant about the anime Dororo on this side blog for a moment....excuse the unrelated  wall of text but...

What happened to Dororo and Hyakkimaru?

My only real issue with an otherwise conclusive and satisfying finale to Dororo was, well Dororo and Hyakkimaru. Up until episode 22 I felt that despite everything Dororo and Hyakkimaru cared for each other first and foremost. They were content with having just each other if it really came down to that.

But I think when things fell apart was in episode 23. When Dororo was finally back in front of Hyakkimaru after he got his arms back and Hyakkimaru didn't even acknowledge she was there. 

Did he not notice her? Maybe, but I doubt it. He noticed his mother, but why not Dororo? He didn't say anything to her. 

I take Hyakkimaru hiding his arms behind his back when his mother spoke up as him thinking that she--as being a member of the family hell-bent on stealing his body--was going to steal them away. Hyakkimaru was extremely paranoid, after all. And he ran off after Tahomaru, once again, called him a demon a “curse upon their land”. But still...why didn't Hyakkimaru acknowledge Dororo? This was the beginning of a string of very odd choices the writers made during the last two episodes to shove Dororo and Hyakkimaru's relationship to the back burner for...some reason.

Clearly the plot was moving at a breakneck pace, that's fine. But I think the need to keep the plot moving made Hyakkimaru act OOC in this moment. What could have fixed this? Something simple, really, to have everyone react more in character, in fact.

When Nui and Dororo arrived at the scene of battle after Mutsu and Hyogo died, and Hyakkimaru gets his arms back, have Tahomaru run to his mother first instead of Hyakkimaru, wondering what she's doing out of the safety of the castle, he'd be extra motivated to protect her from Hyakkimaru after his two friends just died. And while Tahomaru is questioning Nui, have Dororo run up to Hyakkimaru. Hyakkimaru hugs Dororo and is glad she's okay, but he's clearly very unstable, talking fast and touching her face (with bloody hands nonetheless) telling her he has arms now and he won't let anything else harm her. Dororo doesn't know how to react to Hyakkimaru being this way, but she's clearly sad to see him so unhinged.

Then, have Tahomaru tell Hyakkimaru that he's a demon who has no place trying to protect Dororo as a child isn't safe with him. Nui tries to tell Tahomaru that he's wrong, and Tahomaru then, like in the episode, says "You still pity that thing?".

These words cut deep for Hyakkimaru and he runs off. Him running off HERE would make a lot more sense as he's acknowledged Dororo, and his initial motivations of wanting to protect her aren't ignored. And having Tahomaru tell him he's a demon and that Dororo isn't safe with him would make Hyakkimaru feel awful enough to run off without her and probably start to really look at his own actions. 

But instead, the show just choose to have Hyakkimaru ignore Dororo being there, after all the people he just senselessly murdered trying to find her.

Okay...?  

This should've been my first hint that they were going to sideline any emotional resonance Dororo and Hyakkimaru have in the rest of the show, but since these two had been the CORE of the show for so long, I thought the writers passing up a moment between Dororo and Hyakkimaru in episode 23 meant that they were simply saving it all for the final episode 24.

BOY WAS I WRONG!

[Continued under the cut...]

In the episode 24, titled "Dororo and Hyakkimaru", Dororo and Hyakkimaru interact once. 

It is a very cute scene, don't get me wrong, but it's kind of underwhelming for the first time Hyakkimaru lays eyes on Dororo. We don't even get her from his POV. The opening credit's version of this scene was actually better than what we got in the actual show, ironically. 

And that's it, that's the last we see of them together. Hyakkimaru and Dororo apparently at least spent some time talking to each other after they escaped Daigo's castle. But we don't get to see any of this, we just hear about it from Dororo telling Biwamaru (the priest), who, at this point, got more screen time with Dororo in this episode than Hyakkimaru did. 

And then comes the biggest gripe I have. Which is how they choose to have Hyakkimaru leave Dororo without saying goodbye. How did the writers think that was a good idea based on the version of this story they've written?

For the other iterations of Dororo (the manga, the 1960's anime, the game) I can understand how Hyakkimaru would leave without saying goodbye. He's more cold-hearted and detached in those versions, and his relationship with Dororo was never as strong and emotionally attached as it was in the 2019 version. But 2019 Hyakkimaru? No, I can't buy that he wouldn't say something before leaving. So much was changed from the original manga, why did they choose to keep Hyakkimaru being such an inconsiderate jerk in the 11th hour when it's SO out of character? And it simply goes against the story they were setting up. That Dororo and Hyakkimaru need each other and want to stay together. Why change that?

Post episode 18 Dororo and Hyakkimaru needing each other and them staying together was the emotional core of every episode. Episode 19 (the comedy episode) was focused on Dororo feeling lonely and insecure at the thought of Hyakkimaru not needing her anymore, and even though Hyakkimaru was under that ghoul's control he was clearly upset at the thought of Dororo being mad at him. Just to name a few moments from that episode. 

Do I even need to say how much episode 20 especially focused on it these two needing each other and wanting to stay together? What happened to Hyakkimaru wanting to hear more of Dororo's stories? I guess he doesn't want to anymore now that he has his eyes back...

Episode 21 had Hyakkimaru telling Dororo he's fine as long as he has her, expressing his want to be like her, and when he fell in the ditch with the horse it wasn't finishing his fight with Tahomaru he was most concerned about, it was Dororo, and that desperation continued into episode 22 he went on a murderous rampage to find her. And, of course, Dororo's speech at the end of episode 23. Of needing Hyakkimaru to be by her side after she figured out what she needs to do with the money.

So, again, I ask...WHY did the writers decide at the 11th hour to go back to the original ending which actively goes AGAINST these two anime-original interpretations of the characters and their relationship?

Why put so much emphasis on these two BOTH needing each other, liking to be by each other's side, and actively doing everything they can to keep it that way, when everyone writing this knew it was going to end with Dororo being abandoned by Hyakkimaru who couldn't even say goodbye to her?

I will eternally be baffled by this choice. I can't say it ruins the entire show, but it does make the Dororo and Hyakkimaru moments post episode 18 especially hard to watch. Because after episode 18 A LOT of emphasis was intentionally put on how much Hyakkimaru cares for and cherishes his relationship with Dororo...only to have him leave her behind without so much as a goodbye and have Dororo clearly have more faith that Hyakkimaru wouldn’t do that than the writers did.

And like if the writers really REALLY had to keep this ending for some reason (Maybe Tezuka Productions told them to honor the manga by keeping the ending as close to it as possible?) Then at least give these two a good send off. Give them one last emotional goodbye scene. Have Hyakkimaru give Dororo a forehead rub, a hug, THANK HER FOR ALL SHE'S DONE FOR HIM, perhaps saying that he'll come back for her (harkening back to when he said "I came for you" in episode 18), and, you know, have Hyakkimaru speak up for himself and tell Dororo that he really just needs some time to himself to sort out his morals and priorities rather than Biwamaru telling Dororo (and the audience) what Hyakkimaru must be thinking.

Listen, I love Dororo. It's an anime I got really attached to. But the thing I was attached to the most was the wonderfully written and well-developed relationship between Dororo and Hyakkimaru which was put at the forefront of the show, especially in the second half. And to see it sidelined so hard in the last two episode was baffling and depressing for me. 

I know it's just an anime at the end of the day and my favorite episodes and moments between them are still there and always will be. And, yes, I know that it’s implied at the very ending that they meet up again years later, but still...they really did both Dororo and Hyakkimaru dirty with that out of character conclusion to their beautiful journey together.

So, my last question is this: Was the ending between these two written that way because the crew didn't have time for another scene between Dororo and Hyakkimaru? Or was it because they really thought the manga’s ending was a good way to end this anime-original version of the story?

[neni-has-ascended]

You Can(Not) UnGay Kaworu Nagisa - An Essay

This is a text-version of my video-essay on the recent Netflix/Evangelion translation controversy. To see the video version, please click here!

I make no secret of the fact that the linguistics involved in Anime and Game translation are one of my primary fields of interest as a Japanologist. Compared to translation between Germanic and Romanic Languages, as the west is used to it, translating from Japanese to English is filled with a plethora of pitfalls, the likes of which can be very difficult to imagine unless you’re fluent in both languages.  

It’s because of this that my interest in any given AniManga controversy immediately skyrockets as soon as the matter of translation issues is brought up. Which brings us to June 21st’s release of Netflix’ Redub of Studio Gainax’ internationally infamous existential creator meltdown disguised as a Mecha Anime, Neon Genesis Evangelion.

1.)    Neon Genesis ADVangelion

For those among you who haven’t yet heard of this inherently controversial work – what rock do you live under and does it still have vacancies? In all seriousness though, enough videos attempting to summarize the plot of NGE exist on the internet to make giving the rundown here an exercise in redundancy. All you need to know is that the protagonist’ name is Shinji and that he’s a mental-wreck with Daddy Issues who pilots a giant cyborg infused with the soul of his dead Mom to fight surrealist alien abominations and gains an increasingly screwed up social life doing so, all while his already fragile psyche gradually declines to world-ending consequences. For far less fatalistic takes on some of these concepts, please see RahXephon and Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann. Good? Good. Let’s move on.

The original ADV Films dub of Neon Genesis Evangelion and its sequels and spin-offs is… not really flawless, to say the least, but it did a good job in introducing the series to a western audience while staying entirely true to the themes and intentions of the original version. This is definitely at least partially thanks to the fact that director and auteur of the series, Hideaki Anno, personally oversaw the translation and dubbing process, and while the guy in all honesty doesn’t really know the first thing about voice acting – his performance as Jiro in The Wind Rises is one of the reasons it’s my least favorite Ghibli movie – what he does understand is his own work, and what it should convey to the audience in order to be authentic to his vision. So while I do have my issues with the ADV dub, such as poor audio-quality and hopeless cases of overacting caused by poor voice direction in certain parts, the translated script of the series was as stellar as could be expected from something created with the original author’s input, and to the very end of the original 26 episodes run, one can definitely feel the deep, emotional investment every single member of the English cast had in these characters and their journey. (I mean. Just listen to Spike Spencer’s secret rant in the end of the last episode. The dude clearly cares about what happens to Shinji.) In any case, this is probably one of the most influential, iconic dubs to all of the English-speaking Anime Fandom.

Then Netflix decided to license NGE. Not the ADV Dub. Just the show.

People were not happy.

2.)    The Rebuild of Netflixgelion

Please do not mistake what I’m saying for pedantic. The iconic nature of the original ADV dub of NGE cannot be understated, and plays a huge role in the current lack of acceptance for the Redub, even though previous similar redubbing efforts, such as in the case of Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon, where welcomed by the community wholeheartedly. The new dub cast is absolutely stellar, including voice acting veterans such as Carrie Keranen and Erica Lindbeck, and Casey Mongillo’s amazing vocal range goes a long way to replicate and convey the emotional depth of Shinji Ikari in a way previously only seen in Megumi Ogata’s original Japanese performance.However, while the Netflix dub has a wonderful cast and voice direction, what it does not have is the original dub’s Hideaki Anno-approved script.

…Aaaaand, this is where the real troubles start.

To be totally clear, the redub always meant trouble. The original voice cast were reportedly never given a real chance to reprise their roles- despite efforts made by the main trio, Spike Spencer, Amanda Winn Lee and Tifanny Grant to at least be given a chance to audition – which is a surefire recipe for upsetting a lot of fans. However, this is a problem that could have at least been partially smoothed over after allowing the performances of the new cast to shine in their own right. I mean, even if it is incredibly scummy to not even inform the old cast of the auditions for the redub, if the new version proves to contain superior performances and direction in comparison to the, honestly badly-aged ADV dub, then Netflix’s decision to make an entirely new dub is entirely understandable, right?

No such arguments can be applied to the retranslation of the show’s script.

3.)    The End of Authorial Intent

I haven’t rewatched the entire show in the new dub, just two key episodes. That said, I wouldn’t dream of calling the new script ‘bad’. It’s, for the most part, natural and faithful to the original Japanese source text in much the same way the ADV dub was, to the point that some stray lines received identical translation in both versions. What gives the new script away as entirely unrelated to that of the ADV dub, however, are some rather…  baffling localization choices. 

All of those decisions are rooted in the original Japanese script. They’re not incorrect translations. If the Japanese were to be your only point of reference, there would be no reason to complain about these choices.

But we do have a point of reference. The ADV script. Which was overseen and approved by Hideaki Anno. The original director.

In the making of this video, I have since learned that Anno’s animation company, Khara, was most likely involved in the translation of the script for the Redub. However, as I can’t find any evidence that he himself was involved, the point I am about to make still stands:

Back in the 90s, very shortly after the show concluded its original run, Anno personally signed off on every single choice the ADV dub made. The respective pronunciations of Nerv, Seele and Gehirn, calling the EVA pilots by the correct singular “Child”, rather than the awkward Engrish singular “Children” the original Japanese featured, and referring to the enemies consistently as Angels, even in parts where the original Japanese mixed up the terminology for the sake of a pun with Kaworu’s name. 

So, all of the ADV localization changes are within the intent of the original author. They are part of how the show is meant to be consumed by a western audience. Not carrying over this terminology, despite it being faithful to the Japanese script, thus ironically makes the Netflix script LESS faithful to Anno’s authorial intent than the ADV dub. But those are only terminology changes, right? They’re not a big deal. They don’t alter the context of the narrative itself.

…

Kaworu Nagisa.

4.)    Kaworu Nagisa

Remember how I mentioned that I only really watched two episodes of the Netflix dub all the way through so far? Well, one of those two episodes happens to be one of the series’ most infamous, right after the two-part finale: Episode 24. “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door”, or “The Final Messenger” – Let’s not get hung up on which it is, Evangelion has ALWAYS been weird with titles.

This Episode introduces Kaworu Nagisa, the fifth of the EVA pilots and long-time fangirl-favorite for not-so-subtle reasons. Kaworu appears as Shinji is at his lowest point, our main protagonist’s already pretty much non-existent self-esteem in shambles. The two boys bond immediately over… the fact that Kaworu can sing ‘Ode to Joy’? Yeah, let’s go with that – And the majority of the episode consists of showcasing the growing relationship between Kaworu and Shinji, beginning with simple conversations, but quickly progressing into some more… serious territory.

I won’t sugarcoat things, in terms of narrative structure, the episode is a mess, rushing from scene to scene with reckless abandon, attempting to successfully tell a story in under 25 minutes, that some Disney Movies don’t tell right in 90+ minutes. This is doubtlessly due to the overall mess that NGE’s production process had become at this point in its original run for reasons too complicated to talk about in this video, but let me assure you that there’s pretty solid evidence that Kaworu was definitely originally meant to appear for much more than a single episode. As it stands, however, he dies in the same episode he is introduced, begging Shinji to assist him in his suicide after revealing himself to him as the final Angel. His effect on Shinji, however, is profound and comparable to the effect Nia Teppelin of Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann has on that show’s protagonist, Simon Giha. In that way, just as with Nia later, it is plain as day that Kaworu is intended to be one of Shinji’s love interests. And the episode is NOT subtle at all in portraying him as such.

A lot can be said about the exact nature of Kaworu’s affection for Shinji, from Kaworu clearly seeing Shinji as some sort of avatar for humanity as a whole on which he projects his admiration for the species, to Shinji seemingly falling victim to an idealized Oedipus Complex in regards to his perception of Kaworu, the fact remains that their interactions with one another in Episode 24 are in places obviously romantic to even sexual in not only the dialogue, but also the visuals. Even with Hideaki Anno’s profession that Shinji’s romantic feelings for Kaworu aren’t “carnal”, they’re still obviously there. Projected and skewed by their unusual psyches as aspects of it may be, the relationship between them is clearly portrayed in a way that transcends the platonic and becomes intimate more quickly than your seafood friends can start singing ‘kiss the guy’ on a romantic boat ride – It’s not subtext, you guys. Towards Shinji Ikari, Kaworu Nagisa acts and speaks quite openly like one would speak to a lover. And even if Kaworu and his ambiguous humanity are somehow not gay enough for you, well, resident violently blushing and stuttering smitten wreck Shinji Ikari will put your doubts to rest. The visual homosexual (homoromantic?) tension in these scenes is so tangible, you can cut it with a knife. The dialogue, at certain points, doesn’t even really matter. Kaworu could quite literally be reading off the grocery list, and these scenes would STILL be gay.

That doesn’t mean the dialogue is not important, and that one shouldn’t really, really pay attention to what’s on screen when translating.

5.)    The Final Angel is in the Detail

The translation of Kaworu’s words to Shinji in the Netflix dub is not wrong. But it ignores the context of the scene, as well as authorial intent. And that’s why I understand why people are angry at it.

The lines in question are these : 

(Scene 1)

Kaworu: そう、好意に値することよ。

Shinji: 好意？

Kaworu:「好き」ってこと、さ

(Scene 2)

Shinji: カヲル君が「好きだ」って言ってくれたんだ。僕のこと。初めて…初めて人から「好きだ」って言われたんだ。

In the ADV dub, these lines were translated like this: 

(Scene 1)

Kaworu: This is worth earning my empathy.

Shinji: Empathy?

Kaworu: I’m saying “I love you.”  

(Scene 2)

Shinji: Kaworu said that he loved me. I’ve never... felt such kindness before.

In the Netflix dub, however, they were translated like this: 

(Scene 1)

Kaworu: Yes, you’re worthy of my grace.

Shinji: Your grace?

Kaworu: I’m saying “I like you.”  

(Scene 2)

Shinji: Kaworu said I was worthy of his grace. That was the first time... someone told me they liked me.

Which one of these is right? The fact is… both are.

The Japanese term “ 好き ” doesn’t really have a direct equivalent in English. It holds a connotation that is meant to convey very personal, but broadly defined affection. It doesn’t simply mean “to like something”. It means to feel a strong, positive, emotional connection to that person of thing. For that reason, this term can be used to profess affection to your friends, your family, your favorite item… Or as a love-confession. 

In Japan, love-confessions using “ 好き ” are a lot, lot more common than the much, much stronger term “愛する”, let alone the implicitly sexual term “恋する”. In most romance Manga, “ 好き ” will be the term of choice the heroine uses to confess her love to her object of affection. And though, via character analysis, a strong argument can be made that when Kaworu uses “ 好き ” to express his affection for Shinji, he means general affection towards Shinji’s humanity more than personal, romantic affection, this is clearly not how Shinji takes Kaworu’s words. To Shinji, what Kaworu said in that moment, definitely sounded like a confession of romantic devotion, which becomes very, very clear when Shinji later tells Misato: 

Shinji: 初めて人から「好きだ」って言われたんだ。

With the line being translates as “I like you”, this statement of Shinji sounds like pure delusion, which wouldn’t be out of character for him, of course, but isn’t at all what the episode is trying to get across. Of course people have told Shinji before they ‘like’ something about him! That’s a big part of the reason he started defining himself through his status as pilot of EVA Unit 01; his efforts earned him praise from those around him. He had friends for most of the series, at least implicitly, these people have definitely expressed a ‘liking’ for him. So by translating “好き” as “like” in this context, a whole layer of the statement is lost, and Shinji professing that this was the first time anybody has ever said that they “like” him sounds less like a serious revelation about his character, and more like his typical, delusional whining about how the world hates him.

And I think that’s why Anno signed off on the ADV dub translating the line as “I love you” rather than “I like you”. Because the point of this line is not Shinji thinking that Kaworu is the only person who’s ever tolerated his presence. It’s that Shinji feels like Kaworu was the first person to ever have a genuine, emotional connection to him. Something he’s never allowed himself to have, due to the series’ often cited theme of Hedgehog’s Dilemma.

And, as correct as translating “ 好き ” as “like” is,  a whole dimension of Episode 24 of NGE is entirely lost if you choose to translate Kaworu’s lines that way. As much sense as it technically makes.

The Netflix dub of NGE, by all measures known to me, is a very well-acted, well-directed, well-translated version of a classic piece of Animation History. I am not telling anyone that it is in any way bad or even inferior to the original, and I am not telling anyone to avoid it.

All I am saying is, that if you, as a translator, have access to references regarding authorial intent you should probably use them.

[aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaoldretired]

I would like to hear about the punny girl

hnng thank you

i present you: kanon fukuda the ultimate filmmaker. do you get the pun?

kanon is my best girl. her backstory isn’t anything too like. angsty bc i know some can be angsty but her’s isn’t supposed to be about that. she grew up as the only child in a middle-class family with two parents who were confused by her hobbies and love of film but very supportive. also they grow to feel bad they gave her the name kanon bc all the jokes but it’s ok she kinda likes it kinda hates it. she actually got into filmmaking because she had an older cousin who acted as a sibling figure, and they would make home movies together. kanon would throw herself into her movies and kept producing and producing as fast as she could. eventually, she started entering them in both national and international youth film competitions and began winning titles. it’s at this point when she was scouted and started making professional short films. she had just finished working on her first feature-length film, which early reviews were calling her magnum opus to date, and exciting work from an up-and-coming filmmaker. 

the reason why kanon chose to attend hopes peak is that her older cousin died in the tragedy. she doesn’t know they died. she just knows they went to school and never came back, and the family keeps it hush-hush. besides the promise of success, she mostly wants to find out what happened - she assumes it was a bad accent or suicide but oop! additionally, kanon chose to attend because her feature film is to release to the public soon, and she wants to be occupied during this time to take her mind off of the reception. 

while kanon’s family backstory is pretty angst-free besides the missing cousin, kanon is still suffering p bad. she is diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. but! (unlike p much every other character in the series, it seems) she treats her mental health through medication and regular therapy (until she’s trapped at school). she’s very open about her struggle with mental health and enthusiastically tries to get better. 

as a director, she specializes in dark comedy, parody, and farce. she likes irony, and can always see the twisted humor in a situation, no matter how dire. this issss about where you might start seeing her fatal flaw. 

kanon thoroughly subscribes to the idea that comedy is born from tragedy, and that the rawest types of humor come from pain. she is known for going off her medication during the production of films and making a martyr of herself, taking pride in her horrible sleeping and eating schedule for her art. basically, every film student i’ve ever met. 

she enters the killing game very upbeat. when she finds out the truth, she is very defiant, confident in their ability to escape. she is constantly cracking jokes about the situation and observational humor, and her ideas during the trial are generally very….original. she is known for monologuing and speaking in paragraphs. during trials, she creates elaborate example situations that might seem like they’re unrelated or inconsequential but morally always tie back in. queen of the non-sequitur. early game free time events/island mode would mostly be about movies and genre, with the occasional mention about working hard to be healthy again.

she’s pretty friendly with monokume, subscribing to the philosophy that if you’re kind to him, he’s more likely to do what she wants. she’s often the student who will ask monokume clarifying questions on school policy or for access to supplies. for example, i like to think she asks monokume to provide another student needed insulin. when monokume initially refuses, she goes into a tangential scenario where if this student dies, then isn’t monokume the culprit? he’d have to be executed for harming a student. and what’s this? monokume has been harmed? the person who harmed monokume must be punished. and go round and round in a helpless circle while the students figure out a way to escape. at this point, monokume provides the insulin.

 however, after watching the first punishment, she begins to be filled with a deep despair. she is already dispositioned for despair, given her incredibly unhealthy habits regarding her mental illness and success, but she tries to resist. she remains upbeat, but after the first punishment, her dialogue takes a sharp turn towards dark comedy and macabre. from this moment on, she’s also a lot more skittish and easily startled.

after the first trial on, she will always make a point for thanking the group for being a good group of friends and making the time in hopes peak as tolerable as possible, in case they end up choosing the wrong blackened and all get executed. at the third trial, she follows this speech up with, “but if i die, you are all fucking idiots, way to let me down.”

most of her dialogue is biting, and despite the horror and despair she is filled with after every murder and execution, she can still find ways to crack a twisted joke. occasionally she will have a moment of clarity where she is candid about her feelings. 

- one free time event could feature her talking about her feelings towards actions speak louder than words. her example is couples who say they’re dark and twisted like bonnie and clyde, but really they’re two losers into bdsm. if they’d just say they’re two losers into bdsm, she could respect them. she then explains how the statements of personality are more to convince themselves than anyone else. towards the end, she laughs to herself and explains how she totally screwed herself over because Kanon prides herself in her sense of humor, but if she ever says it aloud, she’s not funny.

- another free time event could be explaining her relationship with death. she’s not afraid of it, but she wants to die on her own terms. she admits to never seeing herself growing old, and that’s she’ll probably be a part of the 27 club if she keeps on the path of a celebrity. 

her condition keeps devolving as the game progresses. more dialogue can include wondering why she is still alive and trying to cover it as a twisted sick joke. she stays upbeat, but as time goes on, you can see she’s slowly getting tired and beaten down. she’s also starting to take pride in her unhealthy lack of sleep, eating, or bathing. 

it’s after the third execution does she actually show a true moment of despair. after the execution and the classmates are silently riding in the elevator back, she announces how she does not plan to live through the game. she does not see any possible reality where she will escape hopes peak. she does, however, make it clear that she will be dying on her own terms. she gives her blessing to the group that anyone can try to kill her, but be aware she won’t go down without a fight.

her free time events are filled with more raw emotion and despair with tinges of humor instead of humor with tinges of despair. 

- she elaborates on what she meant in the elevator as to die by her own hands. she does not want to kill a classmate because she knows her disposition could never handle the trial, let alone the killing part. but she also doesn’t want to die by her classmates without a fight. and she doesn’t want to commit suicide because she has too much pride while also being too much of a coward…

- she explains how this story could be a great script, really, if it weren’t all so real. this generation’s battle royale. she actually gives kudos to the design of each punishment and admits they are inspiring if she ever wanted to do a genre flip and become a psych thriller director.

- just. asking why she isn’t dead yet. why not her? why not?

i want her to be a pretty late game survivor because i think it’s impactful to show her fall into despair, which she uses to harm herself instead of others mostly. it is also after chapter three you truly get to see her martyrdom come out. she has slowly shifted from less of a friend and more towards an antagonistic role, not because she’s a threat, but because she’s literally so full of despair.

anyways. you see her talking to monokume while the rest of the group arrives. before the fourth trial, she does her normal thanking of her classmates and pulls the protag over to thank them personally for the good times and making it the best they could. the protagonist is suspicious of this behavior and wonders if she might be guilty, but the evidence points she is not. the class correctly votes for the blackened. while everyone is waiting for monokume to go forward in the punishment, they’re confused by the delay. monokume is fuming, and it’s revealed. there’s a miscount. one student purposefully chose not to vote, which is a punishable act. the student? kanon.

she always insisted she would die, and she would die on her own terms. she had created a narrative in her head where if she dies a martyr, she will always be remembered lovingly by her fans before any unfortunate career downfall. the director ahead of her time, and gone too soon. she became obsessed with this narrative around chapter three, and the third execution sealed the deal. by the time of the trial, she figured out she could die a death fit for a star while also dying on her terms if she willingly triggered a punishment. 

ive kind offfffff figured out what her last speech could be before her punishment? she explains how “comedy is derived from pain, right? and if i intend on being the greatest director of my time, i need to go through the most suffering. i was born to die a martyr, i was just hoping one of you would do the hard part. but since no one has the balls, you can all suffer with me. see you in hell shitheads” she then asks monokume if her cousin who attended here, were they killed or executed? (was it kill or be killed?) monokume thinks for a second and responds. she smiles and says, that’s all she needed to know. gives a wink to the protag and flicks everyone off as the collar yoinks her off to her death. 

punishment would probably be something with “light camera action” or “ready steady shoot” and be a LITERAL pun on the camera shoot. bc, she’s shot. alternatively, if i were to decide that instead of a generic dead body in the tragedy, she could be related to an actual main game character pref someone who was executed, she could have to play that part in the execution and die the same death, but this time with like. monokume film crew everywhere and actual monokume in the director’s chair with a beret. either is a fun idea.

____________________________________________________________________

i’m a film major, and her character is heavily based on the kind of students and filmmakers i see and work with. there really are people like this who believe suffering for art truly makes them better than others and will purposefully put themselves through psychological torment. additionally, i wanted to see a more realistic portrayal of mental illness and show a character who (at one point at least) treats and is trying to maintain health. in the end, kanon is a narcist who lets her ego get in the way of her wellbeing and success. 

also, kanon’s outfit is so stupid she has strawberry blond hair in a bob with like a widow’s peak, silvery-blue eyes, and wears a big flowy short sleeved button-up shirt, and olive-colored shorts. she has a big pair of aviators she wears tucked in the collar of her shirt, statement earrings, a pop watch, and lots of rings. and she is def not straight ut it’s not like she’s pursuing romance she’s pursuing death

[terramythos]

TerraMythos' 2020 Reading Challenge - Book 2 of 26

Title: City of Saints and Madmen (Ambergris #1) (2002)

Author: Jeff VanderMeer

Genre/Tags: Weird, Short Story Collection (kinda), Horror, Fantasy, Metafiction, Mushroompunk (yeah), LGBT Protagonist, First Person, Second Person (sort of), Third Person, Unreliable Narrator.

Rating: 8/10 

Date Began: 1/7/2020

Date Finished: 1/17/2020

This edition of City of Saints and Madmen is a collection of 4 short stories and a massive “appendiX” of other stories/notable worldbuilding pieces, all of which explore a fictional city called Ambergris. Ambergris’ world is not unlike our own, with technology that somewhat mirrors ours, but is nevertheless distinctly surreal and fantastical. One Ambergris’ most notable elements are creatures called the gray caps (or “mushroom dwellers”), who are basically humanoid mushroom people that play a role in each of the stories. 

More details and a look at each of the stories under the cut. 

Surely, after all, it is more comforting to believe that the sources on which this account is based are truthful, that this has not all, in fact, been one huge, monstrous lie? And with that pleasant thought, O Tourist, I take my leave for good. 

I’ve read VanderMeer before-- the Southern Reach trilogy (which he’s most well known for) is one of my favorite series of all time. While I haven’t seen it yet, the film Annihilation is loosely based on the first book, and I hear it’s quite good as well. This will be my first foray into other stuff he’s written.

While this may put some people off, one thing I really liked about this book was it DIDN’T paint a clear picture of Ambergris. Each of the stories focus on particular details their respective protagonists find important, so the view we have of the city is always incomplete. There are tenuous and sometimes contradictory connections between the stories that often made me wonder what’s true/real, a recurring theme throughout the stories. Several of the stories are works of fiction within Ambergris, which skews perceptions even further. To me, all of this made the setting much more interesting, and the actual revelations more rewarding.

My personal favorite stories were The Hoegbotton Guide to the Early History of Ambergris, The Transformation of Martin Lake, King Squid, and The Cage. I’ll go into more detail on all the individual pieces under the cut, but rating them individually doesn’t much sense due to the weird format.

The Main 4 Stories 

Dradin, In Love 

An unsuccessful missionary priest named Dradin comes to Ambergris to plead assistance from a former mentor. However, when he spots an unknown woman through the window of a shop, he becomes convinced he is in love and becomes obsessed with her. As an event called the Festival of the Freshwater Squid looms, the city itself begins to change in startling ways. 

From what I can tell skimming other reviews, this one trips people up because Dradin is just... a piece of shit. He’s terrible. There are some sympathetic traits to him -- he’s a fish out of water with no one to help him, he had a traumatic childhood, etc. But the more you learn about him the worse he becomes. He believes he’s superior to pretty much everyone he meets, has committed various atrocities you gradually learn about in the story, and he believes he’s in love with someone he’s never met and spends a great deal of the story fantasizing about her and their future relationship. It’s pathetic-- but it seemed pretty clear to me I’m not supposed to like him, so I read the story knowing that. 

Anyway, this wasn’t my favorite, but it is an interesting introduction to Ambergris. It’s from the perspective of an outsider, so alongside Dradin you learn things about the city such as the various religious sects, the gray caps, and the Festival. It is jarring when the Festival starts out as this whimsical parade and then goes full Purge for the rest of the story. That feeling pretty much lasts the rest of the book. 

The Hoegbotton Guide to the Early History of Ambergris 

The conceit of this one is that it’s a travel pamphlet written for tourists to provide a quick rundown of Ambergris’ early history. But the writer Duncan Shriek is so obsessed and passionate about the subject that he goes into way more detail than necessary. He also makes extensive use of the footnotes (often longer than the actual page) to (1) insult the reader, who he assumes is a stupid tourist who will skip them, (2) go on long rants about various other historians, and (3) go into intricate, intense detail or speculation about seemingly innocuous things in the main text. Honestly relatable. 

Personally, I love a good history text, so a well-done fictional one is lots of fun. The stylistic choices are engaging and a great characterization tool. The “story” really came together for me in the third act. Super eerie and surreal, and a lot of details about the gray caps and a vast underground kingdom-- but there’s still a sense of unreality, because the account exploring this may or may not be a fake. Anyway, I really enjoyed this one. 

The Transformation of Martin Lake

This one is technically two stories at once. Martin Lake is an unknown painter looking to make his big break in Ambergris, when he receives an anonymous letter inviting him to a beheading. Alternating with these novel sections are excerpts written by art critic Janice Shriek (recognize the name?) which analyze the creepy and grotesque paintings made by Martin Lake-- Ambergris’ most famous artist. 

This piece was by far my favorite of the main four. Janice evaluates various paintings created by Lake and speculates on the meanings behind them. The Gothic horror story sections star Martin, and the events within reveal the true origins of each painting. The horror story is very creepy and well written, and I really like Martin more than most of the protagonists. It’s also amusing to see just how incorrect Janice’s analyses are. Overall this was a very well structured and entertaining read. (Side note: to whom it may concern, this is where the LGBT Protagonist tag comes from.)

Also, Janice and her brother are apparently the central characters in the next book? I enjoyed both of them so I'm excited for that.

The Strange Case of X

A psychiatrist interviews a mental patient known simply as X, who believes he has invented the world of Ambergris, and he’s actually from a place called Chicago. 

I'm torn on this one because I feel I accidentally ruined it for myself. The premise sounds like a pretty cliche setup, but there's a  twist at the end that keeps it interesting. The only problem is I went into the story assuming that twist was the case. It's not even like I guessed it or picked up on hints or whatever... I just assumed the twist for whatever reason, so I got to the reveal and was just like "...yeah?" 

Anyway, this one’s a good read, just not my favorite. X is obviously a fictionalized version of VanderMeer. I didn’t find him as important in the context of this story, but notes found in his cell make up the appendiX. I *did* really enjoy the story excerpt within this one that starts like a children’s book with very simple sentences, then slowly evolves into more complex language over time until it’s like the rest of the book. The swap between third and first-person in the story, then the narrator commending himself on how clever he is, was pretty funny and good characterization. 

The appendiX 

Dr V’s Note + X’s Notes 

Technically this is 2 “stories” but they’re presented together. Dr V’s note is just an outline of the stories in the appendiX, which are apparently various notes, pamphlets, writing journal excerpts, and pieces of paper he found in X’s cell. He speculates on the meaning behind some of them. It’s a handy reference that I turned back to a few times. X’s Notes are literally just some misc author’s notes/ideas. The final note, though, draws back to the surreal scene I mentioned from The Hoegbotton Guide, which implies it is in fact real. 

The Release of Belacqua 

This one is about an actor named Belacqua who’s been typecast into a specific role, which he plays every single day. One evening at his hotel room home, he gets a super weird phone call from a woman looking for someone named Henry. Based on what happens in the story, I’m guessing Belacqua was probably supposed to be a character in one of the stories but got scrapped, and this story is literally about scrapping him. It was kinda meh for me. 

King Squid 

No, I’m not transcribing the entire title of this one -- it’s, uh, quite long. This one is sort of like The Hoegbotton Guide, except it’s a biological treatise written by a man named Frederick Madnok about the King Squid, which is Ambergris’ main economic staple. Like The Hoegbotton Guide, the author goes into intricate detail on what he considers important and makes extensive use of footnotes. The thing is, Madnok is clearly going through a nervous breakdown as he writes, and the footnotes and tangents grow weirder over time, often delving into vague memories and details about his home life as a child. 

I think this one really shines when you get to the bibliography and notice it’s longer than the rest of the story and seems to list every single book Madnok has ever read. Personally I found a lot of the titles funny, but you could be forgiven for skipping them. However, certain titles have side notes, supposedly to point out notable things about them. Some of these, however, are disturbing and clearly unrelated to the title. Eventually, Madnok goes into a full breakdown and starts to describe himself transforming into a squid -- a phenomenon he described earlier in the text. His breakdown, juxtaposed with the absolutely immaculate formatting of the story, really made this one stand out to me. 

The Hoegbotton Family History

The Hoegbottons are a merchant family. Their company Hoegbotton & Sons is basically the Wal-Mart of Ambergris and is present through multiple stories. This text is interesting for some context for the next story, but not particularly notable on its own. V’s notes at the beginning say as much. 

The Cage

One of the early Hoegbottons visits a mansion which has been condemned after an attack by the gray caps to purchase the remaining assets to resell. Among the items he finds a strange, seemingly empty birdcage which he can’t stop obsessing over. 

This was my favorite story by a long shot. It was insanely creepy and surreal with the best visuals in the book. There are references everywhere to fungi and decay, and there’s something very odd going on with Hoegbotton’s blind wife that defies explanation. And obviously, the cage itself and what’s going on with it is very disturbing. Contains very very very good body horror which is apparently just A Thing for me. Of all the stories this one had the most Southern Reach-y vibe. 

In The Hours After Death 

This one describes what happens to a man after he dies, and it’s not quite what you think. It’s a short piece and I liked the writing; very melancholy and surreal. It’s one of those stories that just incidentally takes place in Ambergris, but would be a good story outside of it, too. Until the end, that is, which ties it back to the gray caps in another creepy way. Thanks. 

The Man Who Had No Eyes 

This one is notable because apparently, in the original release, it was written entirely in code. You had to use page numbers, paragraph numbers, and lines in the rest of the book to decode it. Because this edition is an updated re-release which shifted the pages and format around, it doesn’t work anymore. Instead Dr. V provides a decoded version. However, some of the words are wrong, and the final paragraph is still in code (supposedly because V was afraid to keep going). I had to look up the story online to get the full picture. 

Anyway, I suspect this story is foreshadowing for stuff that’s going to happen in future installments. It describes the gray caps taking the city back over and flooding it, and how they mutilate a writer living in the city so he has to find alternative ways to keep writing. It mentions the goddamn cage again. It’s kind of fever-dream creepy. 

The Exchange 

Depicts a short story about the Festival of the Freshwater Squid (remember that?). Apparently this story is provided by Hoegbotton & Sons for people who purchase a safe house to avoid getting straight-up murdered during the Festival. The story itself is entertaining and has a great twist at the end, but what’s interesting is someone’s made extensive annotations to the piece describing the fallout between the author and illustrator. I found it most fun to read the base story, then go back and read the annotations-- it felt like I was seeing the same story from very different perspectives. 

Learning to Leave the Flesh 

This one’s referenced in The Strange Case of X. Unlike every other story, this actually doesn’t take place in Ambergris, but our world. However, like The Strange Case of X mentions, details and names from Ambergris seemingly appeared in the story even though he had no recollection of putting them there. 

Honestly, it’s an OK work of fiction but was probably my least favorite. Mostly it felt like lengthy flavor text for a story I’d already read. The ending was pretty good, though. 

The Ambergris Glossary + A Note on Fonts  

Putting these two together. The Glossary actually answered a lot of questions I had and clarified some events from the various stories. (”What the fuck is with the Living Saints. What the absolute fuck-- oh.”) It’s implied that some of the entries are written by Duncan Shriek. Hi, again. 

A Note on Fonts describes the various fonts from different stories as if it’s a wine tasting, which was hilarious.