#Verse : Faces Only a Mother Could Renounce

[questionsonislam]

Could you please list the rights of parents over their children?

Although man is the strongest among all the creatures, he is one of the most defenseless when he is born. Unlike animals, some of which can stand right after birth and some others can stand a while later after birth and begin to fulfill their needs, human can only reach this level years later after his birth. It is parents who bear all the difficulties for the maintenance of the human generation. Mothers carry their babies in their wombs for nine months and they come across many difficulties during pregnancy and they give birth to their babies, facing life-threatening dangers. They renounce their sleep and rest and health only in order to raise their babies which are unable to do anything. Likewise, As a matter of fact, Allah states the following :

“We have enjoined on human in respect with his parents: his mother bore him in strain upon strain, and his weaning was in two years. (So, O human,) be thankful to Me and to your parents.” (the Qur’an, Luqman, 31:14). The father works hard constantly to meet the needs of the family and the child. If the child hurts himself, the parents become more disturbed than him. They prefer the child’s comfort to their own comfort. This hard labor lasts for twenty or thirty years in different phases and forms. In addition, the parent’s care for their child last life long.

This relation of right-duty which is caused by love and respect that Allah created between the child and the parents, is an indispensable condition for the maintenance of the human generation healthily and strongly and without corruption.

We can list the rights of parents over their children as follows:

1. Obedience (respect): The most important duty of the children for their parents is to obey them and carry out their demands unless religiously forbidden. God states the following: “(As the requirement for being good Muslims) We have enjoined on human to be kind and good to his parents; but if they endeavor to make you associate with Me anything as partner, about whose being so you impossibly have no knowledge, do not obey them.” (the Qur’an, al-Ankabut, 29:8)

The Prophet (pbuh) states the following in a hadith : “Allah forbids disobedience to your mothers” ( Bukhari, Adab, 4)

As can be understood from the verses and hadiths given above, it is Allah’s command to fulfill parents’ demands and wishes and not to object to them. However, if the parents ask the child to stand up against Allah and deny Him and not to do what He sets obligatory and to do what He forbids, these demands of theirs cannot be fulfilled because a person must not obey people if the issues involve rebellion against Allah even if those people are his parents.

2. Treating parents well. In the Qur’an, Allah states the following while listing the duties of a person toward other people:

“Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him alone, and treat parents with the best of kindness. Should one of them, or both, attain old age in your lifetime, do not say "Ugh!" to them (as an indication of complaint or impatience), nor push them away; and always address them in gracious words. Lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy, and say: "My Lord, have mercy on them even as they cared for me in childhood.” (the Qur’an, al-Isra’, 17:23-24)

The Prophet replied a person who asked for three times, “ Who is more entitled to be treated with the best companionship by me?”, “your mother” and for the forth time he replied that he should treat his father well. ( Bukhari, Adab, 2; Muslim, Birr, 1).

Although the parents have not treated their children well enough and they have even caused them some damage, the children should treat them well because, as people grow older, they act childishly. It is our debt of gratitude to treat those who responded with a smile to our mistakes and wrongs in our childhood as they did to us when they need our care.

3. Fulfilling their needs. It is the children’s duty to fulfill all the needs of their parents when they become too old to fulfill them on their own. This is not only a moral duty but also a legal one. Those who do not fulfill this duty are forced to do it by Islamic Administration. Allah charges the children with this duty : “They ask you what they will spend (to provide sustenance for the needy). Say: "Whatever you spend of your wealth is for (your) parents and the near relatives, and the (needy) orphans, the destitute, and the wayfarer. " Whatever good you do, surely God has full knowledge of it.” (the Qur’an, al-Baqarah, 2:215).

Abu Darda from the Honored Companions states that the Prophet advised him nine important things and that one of them is fulfilling the needs of the members of the family including parents. (Bukhari, al-Adabu’l Mufrad, 9). In addition, the Prophet (pbuh) sent a person who wanted to join the jihad to his parents due to their need for him. (Bukhari, al-Adabu’l Mufrad, 9)

4. Not treating them disrespectfully. The principle of the ummah of Islam is respect for the elders and love for the young people. Those who deserve respect the most and those whom we should not even think of disrespect against are our parents. One day, the Prophet (pbuh) said to his Companions:

-“ Allah's Apostle said thrice, "Shall I not inform you of the biggest of the great sins?" The Honored Companions replied: "Yes, O Allah's Apostle" He said, "To join partners in worship with Allah, to be undutiful to one's parents and to give a forged statement and a false witness; I warn you against giving a forged statement and a false witness." (Bukhari, Adab, 6)

-To a person who said “ I left my parents crying after me and I came to take your command to emigrate”, the Prophet (pbuh) said:

-“ Turn to them and make them smile the way you made them cry and make them happy” and he sent him to his parents who were not even yet Muslims.

5. Receiving their consent. There is no doubt that the most important duty of a person in the world is to receive Allah’s consent. After that, it is our parents whose consent we need to receive. As can be seen in the verses from the Qur’an above, Allah commanded people to worship him first and right after this, to treat parents dutifully; and the Prophet (pbuh) stated “ Allah’s consent is due to the father’s consent and His rage is due to his rage”. (Bukhari, al-Adabu’l Mufrad, 1; Tirmidhi, Birr, 3). The mother’s position, who comes before the father, is the same in dutiful treatment by the children.

Allah's Apostle (pbuh) said thrice: “Let him be humbled into dust”. The Honored Companions asked: “Allah's Messenger, who is he?” He said: “He who sees either of his parents during their old age or he sees both of them, but he does not enter Paradise.” (Muslim, Birr, 9)

According to the report of Abdullah b. Amr al-As, a man came to the Prophet (pbuh) and asked for his permission to join the jihad. The Prophet (pbuh) asked him : “Are your parents alive?” The man replied: “Yes”. And then the Prophet reminded him of his duty stating “ Then, you should first ask for your parents’ approval”. (the Translation of Tajrid Sarih, VIII, 337).

6. Addressing them in gracious words. We should avoid any kind of speech or behavior which might hurt their feelings. As it is forbidden to do such behavior directly to them, it is also forbidden to cause people to address them in disgraceful words. Apart from God’s command: “ Do not say ‘Ugh!’ to them”, this hadith from the Prophet (pbuh) is also remarkable:

“It is one of the greatest sins that a man should curse his parents." It was asked (by the people), "O Allah's Apostle! How does a man curse his parents?" The Prophet said, "'The man abuses the father of another man and the latter abuses the father of the former and abuses his mother." (Bukhari, Adab, 4).

7. Remembering them with gratitude when they pass away and pray for them. Our responsibilities for our parents do not finish even if they pass away. We should keep their clean memories. What makes a human human in a sense is these nice emotions and memories which are inherited from generation to generation. Our Prophet’s (pbuh) statement “Love is obtained with inheritance” ( Bukhari, al-Adabu’l Mufrad, 22) indicates this reality. Thus, a connection of love is set between grandparents and grandchildren. Remembering them with gratitude and praying to Allah for their forgiveness is one of the prayers Allah teaches us in the Qur’an : “Our Lord! Forgive me, and my parents, and all the believers, on the Day on which the Reckoning will be established. " (the Qur’an, Ibrahim, 14:41)

When a companion who asked “What am I entitled to do for my parents after their death?”, the Prophet (pbuh) replied:

“Yes, there are four things ( that you should do):

“Remembering them with gratitude and praying to Allah for their forgiveness. Fulfilling their will if they have. Keeping in touch with their friends. Keeping in touch with relatives, your relatives exist only because of them.” (Bukhari, al-Adabu’l Mufrad, 19)

The Prophet (pbuh) explains how the prayers for a dead person are useful to them: “When people die, their book of record of their deeds is closed. Yet, these three things still bring them thawabs: Sadaqa al-Jariyah (continuous charity), knowledge that people can utilize and a child to remember them with gratitude and pray to Allah for them.” (Bukhari, al-Adabu’l Mufrad, 19)

Furthermore, treating them nicely in every way, abstaining from any bad kind of behavior is also our duties toward them.

Those who fulfill their duties for their parents when they are alive and when they die and who please them and receive their consent are the ones who attain the greatest bliss of the world and hereafter. It is because, the Prophet (pbuh) gives the good news that such people will have fertile and long lives and Allah will surely accept the prayers of their parents for them and they will attain Paradise.

The Prophet (pbuh) explains how important the duties of children for their parents are as follows:

“A child can never pay back the father’s right with any good deeds. However, he pays it back it if he finds him in a state of slavery and pays for him to free him”.(Bukhari, al-Adabu’l Mufrad, 6)

Loving our parents who have such a great amount of effort and right over us and not changing their love with any other things is one of the most important moral duties. This duty is fulfilled by showing respect, compassion and mercy for them and trying to please them. We should not forget that the true love for our parents is not just saying “ I love my parents” but this can be proved by fulfilling every moral and material duty for them.

In a hadith narrated from Burayd, a man performed circumambulation with his mother on his back to make her perform circumambulation around the Kaaba. He came to the Prophet (pbuh) and asked:

“-Did I pay her right back?” The Apostle of Allah replied:

“-No, not for the right of a single breath she took when she was pregnant with you”.

It is clear that this description full of compassion should make people thank their parents.

Abdullah b. Mas’ud (may Allah be pleased with him) asked the Prophet (pbuh):

“-Which deed is loved most by Allah?”

“-To perform prayers at their early (very first) stated times.”

Abdullah asked, "What is the next (in goodness)?"

The Prophet said, "To be good and dutiful to one's parents,"

Abdullah asked, "What is the next (in goodness)?"

The Prophet said, To participate in Jihad for Allah's Cause."

In summary, we should treat and serve our parents in every good way, fulfill their material needs, not even say “ugh!” to them, address them in gracious words, respond to them with the nicest behavior and attitudes, not make them upset and not show any kind of botheration to them. It is the children’s duty to abstain from words that can hurt their feelings, to try to receive their consent in any case, to make them pleased with them, to serve in every way when they grow old and to carry out their medical treatment in case of an illness. To serve them if they are ill or bedfast is a behavior which opens the door of Paradise.

[wraith-of-christmas-future]

Yoke of the Forsaken

      @vyrulent​

         Tyres rumbling friction across wet asphalt, hollowed into sounding more subdued than qualifying to the heavier model like the Rolls-Royce which emerged from it’s abyssal cast ; pitched effortlessly distinctive across a moonless night. It’s chrome accents were the first to draw contrast, with the Spirit of Ecstasy glistening in lead against dimming street lamps. It made the rest of her onyx body lustrously follow suit. Mimicking an organic similitude just beyond her clear and protective coats. When the vehicle approached the scene that no less had been forced in being played out in the alleyway. Dark and decrepit as it had been damp with trash scattered all about the narrowing path which spewed out into their end. Instinct had called the Wraith to this particular point , her driver too, and as such her lights immediately go from bald illumination to a spontaneous bright; a burn that lit up the entire alley and the figures afoot. Steam emitted from her grille in union with a hiss , as if to exhale a breath long since held in the aftermath of a hunt.

          Charles Manx remained within the comfort of his vehicle’s holding. Simply observing the commotion from the dividing windshield - outward at who once had been his own target, now disheveled with her flesh in ribbons. Here, in his stead, another rose to the occasion. Saving him the trouble of getting his hands dirty altogether. 

[wisdomrays]

QUESTIONS & ANSWERS: Why Was the Prophet Polygamous?: Part 2

Khadija was the Prophet's first wife. As mentioned above, she married him before his call to Prophethood. Even though she was 15 years his senior, she bore all of his children, except for Ibrahim, who did not survive infancy. Khadija was also his friend, the sharer of his inclinations and ideals to a remarkable degree. Their marriage was wonderfully blessed, for they lived together in profound harmony for 23 years. Through every trial and persecution launched by the Makkan unbelievers, she was his dearest companion and helper. He loved her very deeply and married no other woman while she was alive.

This marriage is the ideal of intimacy, friendship, mutual respect, support, and consolation. Though faithful and loyal to all his wives, he never forgot Khadija and mentioned her virtues and merits extensively on many occasions. He married another woman only 4 or 5 years after Khadija's death. Until that time, he served as both a mother and a father to his children, providing their daily food and provisions as well as bearing their troubles and hardships. To allege that such a man was a sensualist or driven by sexual lust is nonsensical.

'A'isha was the daughter of Abu Bakr, his closest friend and devoted follower. One of the earliest converts, Abu Bakr had long hoped to cement the deep attachment between himself and the Prophet through marriage. By marrying 'A'isha, the Prophet accorded the highest honor and courtesy to a man who had shared all the good and bad times with him. In this way, Abu Bakr and 'A'isha acquired the distinction of being spiritually and physically close to the Prophet.

'A'isha proved to be a remarkably intelligent and wise woman, for she had both the nature and temperament to carry forward the work of Prophetic mission. Her marriage prepared her to be a spiritual guide and teacher to all women. She became one of the Prophet's major students and disciples. Through him, like so many Muslims of that blessed time, her skills and talents were matured and perfected so that she could join him in the abode of bliss both as wife and as student.

Her life and service to Islam prove that such an exceptional person was worthy to be the Prophet's wife. She was one of the greatest authorities on hadith, an excellent Qur'anic commentator, and a most distinguished and knowledgeable expert on Islamic law. She truly represented the inner and outer qualities and experiences of Prophet Muhammad. This is surely why the Prophet was told in a dream that he would marry 'A'isha. Thus, when she was still innocent and knew nothing of men and worldly affairs, she was prepared and entered the Prophet's household.

Umm Salama of the Makhzum clan, was first married to her cousin. The couple had embraced Islam at the very beginning and emigrated to Abyssinia to avoid persecution. After their return, they and their four children migrated to Madina. Her husband participated in many battles and died after being severely wounded at the Battle of Uhud. Abu Bakr and 'Umar proposed marriage to her, aware of her needs and suffering as a destitute widow with children to support. She refused, believing that no one could be better than her late husband.

Some time after that, the Prophet proposed marriage. This was quite right and natural, for this great woman had never shied from sacrifice and suffering for Islam. Now that she was alone after having lived many years in the noblest Arabian clan, she could not be neglected and left to beg her way in life. Considering her piety, sincerity, and what she had suffered, she certainly deserved to be helped. By marrying her, the Prophet was doing what he had always done: befriending those lacking in friends, supporting the unsupported, and protecting the unprotected. In her present circumstances, there was no kinder or more gracious way of helping her.

Umm Salama also was intelligent and quick to understand. She had all the capacities and gifts to become a spiritual guide and teacher. When the Prophet took her under his protection, a new student to whom all women would be grateful was accepted into the school of knowledge and guidance. As the Prophet was now almost 60, marrying a widow with many children and assuming the related expenses and responsibilities can only be understood as an act of compassion that deserves our admiration for his infinite reserves of humanity.

Umm Habiba was the daughter of Abu Sufyan, an early and most determined enemy of the Prophet and supporter of Makkah's polytheistic and idolatrous religion. Yet his daughter was one of the earliest Muslims. She emigrated to Abyssinia with her husband, where he eventually renounced his faith and embraced Christianity. Although separated from her husband, she remained a Muslim. Shortly after that, her husband died and she was left all alone and desperate in exile.

The Companions, at that time few in number and barely able to support themselves, could not offer much help. So, what were her options? She could convert to Christianity and get help that way (unthinkable). She could return to her father's home, now a headquarters of the war against Islam (unthinkable). She could wander from house to house as a beggar, but again it was an unthinkable option for a member of one of the richest and noblest Arab families to bring shame upon her family name by doing so.

God recompensed Umm Habiba for her lonely exile in an insecure environment among people of a different race and religion, and for her despair at her husband's apostasy and death, by arranging for the Prophet to marry her. Learning of her plight, the Prophet sent an offer of marriage through the king Negus. This noble and generous action was a practical proof of: We have not sent you save as a mercy for all creatures (21:107).

Thus Umm Habiba joined the Prophet's household as a wife and student, and contributed much to the moral and spiritual life of those who learned from her. This marriage linked Abu Sufyan's powerful family to the Prophet's person and household, which caused its members to re-evaluate their attitudes. It also is correct to trace the influence of this marriage, beyond the family of Abu Sufyan and to the Umayyads in general, who ruled the Muslims for almost a century.

This clan, whose members had been the most fanatical in their hatred of Islam, produced some of Islam's most renowned early warriors, administrators, and governors. Without doubt, it was this marriage that began this change, for the Prophet's depth of generosity and magnanimity of soul surely overwhelmed them.

Zaynab bint Jahsh was a lady of noble birth and a close relative of the Prophet. She was, moreover, a woman of great piety, who fasted much, kept long vigils, and gave generously to the poor. When the Prophet arranged for her to marry Zayd, an African exslave whom he had adopted as his son, Zaynab's family and Zaynab herself were at first unwilling. The family had hoped to marry their daughter to the Prophet. But when they realized that the Prophet had decided otherwise, they consented out of deference to their love for the Prophet and his authority.

Zayd had been enslaved as a child during a tribal war. Khadija, who had bought him, had given him to Muhammad as a present when she married him. The Prophet had freed immediately him and, shortly afterwards, adopted him as his son. He insisted on this marriage to establish and fortify equality between the Muslims, and to break down the Arab prejudice against a slave or even freedman marrying a free-born woman.

The marriage was an unhappy one. The noble-born Zaynab was a good Muslim of a most pious and exceptional quality. The freedman Zayd was among the first to embrace Islam, and he also was a good Muslim. Both loved and obeyed the Prophet, but they were not a compatible couple. Zayd asked the Prophet several times to allow them to divorce. However, he was told to persevere with patience and not separate from Zaynab.

But then one day Gabriel came with a Divine Revelation that the Prophet's marriage to Zaynab was a bond already contracted: We have married her to you (33:37). This command was one of the severest trials the Prophet, had yet had to face, for he was being told to break a social taboo. Yet it had to be done for the sake of God, just as God commanded. 'A'isha later said: "Had the Messenger been inclined to suppress any part of the Revelation, surely he would have suppressed this verse."

Divine wisdom decreed that Zaynab join the Prophet's household, so that she could be prepared to guide and enlighten the Muslims. As his wife, she proved herself most worthy of her new position by always being aware of her responsibilities and the courtesies proper to her role, all of which she fulfilled to universal admiration.

Before Islam, an adopted son was considered a natural son. Therefore, an adopted son's wife was considered as a natural son's wife would be. According to the Qur'anic verse, former "wives of your sons proceeding from your loins" fall within the prohibited degrees of marriage. But this prohibition does not apply to adopted sons, for there is no real consanguinity. What now seems obvious was not so then. This deeply rooted tribal taboo was broken by this marriage, just as God had intended.

To have an unassailable authority for future generations of Muslims, the Prophet had to break this taboo himself. It is one more instance of his deep faith that he did as he was told, and freed his people from a legal fiction that obscured a biological, natural reality.

Juwayriya bint Harith the daughter of Harith, chief of the defeated Bani Mustaliq clan, was captured during a military campaign. She was held with other members of her proud family alongside her clan's "common" people. She was in great distress when she was taken to the Prophet, for her kinsmen had lost everything and she felt profound hate and enmity for the Muslims. The Prophet understood her wounded pride, dignity, and suffering; more important, he understood how to deal with these issues effectively. He agreed to pay her ransom, set her free, and offered to marry her.

When the Ansar and the Muhajirun realized that the Bani Mustaliq now were related to the Prophet by marriage, they freed about 100 families that had not yet been ransomed. A tribe so honored could not be allowed to remain in slavery. In this way, the hearts of Juwayriya and her people were won. Those 100 families blessed the marriage. Through his compassionate wisdom and generosity, the Prophet turned a defeat for some into a victory for all, and what had been an occasion of enmity and distress became one of friendship and joy.

Safiyya bint Huyayy was the daughter of the chieftains of the Jewish tribe of Khaybar, who had persuaded the Bani Qurayza to break their treaty with the Prophet. From her earliest days, she had seen her family and relatives oppose the Prophet. She had lost her father, brother, and husband in battles against the Muslims, and eventually was captured by them.

The attitudes and actions of her family and relatives might have nurtured in her a deep desire for revenge. However, 3 days before the Prophet reached Khaybar, she dreamed of a brilliant moon coming out from Madina, moving toward Khaybar, and falling into her lap. She later said: "When I was captured, I began to hope that my dream would come true." When she was brought before the Prophet as a captive, he set her free and offered her the choice of remaining a Jewess and returning to her people, or entering Islam and becoming his wife. "I chose God and his Messenger" she said. Shortly after that, they were married.

Elevated to the Prophet's household, she witnessed at first hand the Muslims' refinement and true courtesy. Her attitude to her past experiences changed, and she came to appreciate the great honor of being the Prophet's wife. As a result of this marriage, the attitude of many Jews changed as they came to see and know the Prophet closely. It is worth noting that such close relations between Muslims and non-Muslims can help people to understand each other better and to establish mutual respect and tolerance as social norms.

Sawda bint Zam'ah ibn Qays was the widow of Sakran. Among the first to embrace Islam, they had emigrated to Abyssinia to escape the Makkans' persecution. Sakran died in exile, and left his wife utterly destitute. As the only means of assisting her, the Prophet, though himself having a hard time making ends meet, married her. This marriage took place some time after Khadija's death.

Hafsa was the daughter of 'Umar ibn al-Khattab, the future second caliph of Islam. This good lady had lost her husband, who emigrated to both Abyssinia and Madina, where he was fatally wounded during a battle in the path of God. She remained without a husband for a while. 'Umar desired the honor and blessing of being close to the Prophet in this world and in the Hereafter. The Prophet honored this desire by marrying Hafsa to protect and to help the daughter of his faithful disciple.

Given the above facts, it is clear that the Prophet married these women for a variety of reasons: to provide helpless or widowed women with dignified subsistence; to console and honor enraged or estranged tribes; to bring former enemies into some degree of relationship and harmony; to gain certain uniquely gifted men and women for Islam; to establish new norms of relationship between people within the unifying brotherhood of faith in God; and to honor with family bonds the two men who were to be the first leaders of the Muslim community after his death. These marriages had nothing to do with self-indulgence, personal desire, or lust. With the exception of 'A'isha, all of the Prophet's wives were widows, and all of his post-Khadija marriages were contracted when he was already an old man. Far from being acts of self-indulgence, these marriages were acts of self-discipline.

Part of that discipline was providing each wife with the most meticulously observed justice, dividing equally whatever slender resources he allowed for their subsistence, accommodation, and allowance. He also divided his time with them equally, and regarded and treated them with equal friendship and respect. The fact that all of his wives got on well with each other is no small tribute to his genius for creating peace and harmony. With each of them, he was not only a provider but also a friend and companion.

The number of the Prophet's wives was a dispensation unique to him. Some of the merits and wisdom of this dispensation, as we understand them, have been explained. All other Muslims are allowed a maximum of four wives at one time. When that Revelation restricting polygamy came, the Prophet's marriages had already been contracted. Thereafter, he married no other women.

[ktheist]

2 | all yours to enjoy [m]

title inspired by blackpink’s sure thing cover.

⟶ read part one, play me like a toy, here.

muses. heiress!reader x ex-mafia!hoseok

genre. age gap factor. chaebol-mafia au. arranged marriage au. modern au.

warning. implied smut, mentions of gun use and all that mafia shizz

verse. knj. ksj. myg. kth. pjm. jjk. jhs.

synopsis.

“marry me or be killed.”

“is there a third option?”

“we fucked but you were too drunk to remember so that option’s invalid.”

x

the carved name above the handle points in wayward angles. as if made by a child.

well, 5 year-old-you lacked tact. and a sense of artistry but nobody dared insult the work of the only daughter of the han group.

the room hoseok stepped in feels familiar yet foreign at the same time. it’s been years, but the pink unicorn plushie still sits on your bed like it’s waiting for you to climb in and cuddle it every night.

the pastel peach walls have been repainted in a deep maroon shade. at your order, hoseok suspects. it’s as if you’ve renounced that childish innocence and took on a blood oath for the han family name.

much of that youthful wander in your eyes has disappeared.

‘it was my fault, i shouldn’t have left her all alone in this wretched place,’ hoseok surly thought to himself.

before he can even think about how inappropriate his actions are - to have stepped into a woman’s room without a reason - a surprised voice echoes from the door adjacent to where he’s standing.

“hoseok...” you’re standing there, in front of the ajar bathroom door, with a pristine white towel around your body and another wrapped around your head, water dripping from the stray strand that manages to escape from your towel turban.

perhaps he had a reason, after all.

perhaps he just wants to see you, the person who coerced him to come back to this god forsaken house where he’s seen more deaths than his fingers could count.

“i’m sorry- i didn’t know you were taking a bath-” hoseok didn’t even manage to take a step back when you shake your head, a smile he’s not used to seeing curved on your lips.

“it’s fine, come in. close the door behind you.”

when he remains frozen in his spot, hand on the handle that seems to seep cold, icy frost into his palm - you raise a pair of trimmed brows, “what? we’re getting married, aren’t we? you forgot but you’ve seen all of me,” a coquettish smile on your lips, “don’t tell me you’re getting all shy now after announcing to the entire head of families that they should sleep with one eye open.”

the funeral had been handled by uncle jihoon, your father’s right hand man and most trusted confidant. he probably cleaned up the skeletons in your father’s closet more times than you’d met your own father in your 25 years of living.

your father had enemies and someone had to get rid of them.

such was the ways of the hans.

yeojun was yours and sehun was chanyeol’s.

hoseok was meant to step in once uncle jihoon resigned since at an early age, he’d gathered enough support to ruin the whole nation. his only fault was being loyal to your father, han jiseok.

and it was his loyalty that made your father drive him away.

because no matter when hoseok was and what he was doing, he’d never betray the hans.

“he’s just a kid,” you’d once heard him say to uncle jihoon.

several months later, he’d announced at the annual family gathering that hoseok got into yonsei university as a business major. it also meant that his ties with the han group would cease to orphan student-influential family sponsors. every record of his existence was wiped clean. he was no longer the child uncle jihoon took in because he pitied hoseok’s miserable state of living. he’d come to your house in tattered clothes and a bluing bruise on his cheek.

jung hoseok was meant to carry half of the burden of the head of family until the true heirs grew up and learned the ropes of leading the han group.

in short, hoseok was a proxy. a stand-in who gathered a little too many support that threatened the powers of the actual heirs.

their bow lingered longer, as if they were thanking the gods for bringing him back just as they’d lost a great leader.

you didn’t mind though. you liked hoseok - he was the only one that didn’t look at you like you were a prophecy of death. a child who’d grow up just as wicked as her father.

he’d looked at you like a human.

han jiseok took a liking to hoseok, the loyal dog of the han family that would drive a fist into someone’s gut at the command of the head or any of his heirs. hoseok wouldn’t question it either - why he was beating someone up half-dead, he just... did it.

so when that jung hoseok who got cut off from the han family at chanyeol’s whining over how his succession would not be supported by the branch families if hoseok were to remain as the stand in - came back and announced  first thing after his return, his engagement to the heiress of han group, naturally, all hell broke lose.

hoseok had stood by your side as you’d kept your head low, the black veil covering your eyes and nose did well to hide your dry gaze.

true to his reputation, as soon as he stepped into the mansion with you, the men who swore their loyalty to the han family, one by one, started bowing at hoseok whilst the heads of the vassal families started whispering among themselves.

“hoseok, the loyal dog? that’s him?”

“did the boss ever say who was going to inherit the family business?”

family business was just a white washed term of the commercial front of han group that was meant to blur the eyes of the korean government on what truly goes on underground.

“the attorney hasn’t been found, right? that means nobody here knows the contents of the will.”

“did he ever mention chanyeol would inherit the business?”

“____’s achievements aren’t something to be turned a blind eye on either.”

one of the heads of the branch approached you, he smiled too sweetly on the day of his principal’s passing. rubbed his hands together schemingly as he murmured words of condolences that sounded like congratulations, “the boss suffered for so long from leukemia, the gods must’ve answered his prayer. i’m sorry for your loss, miss ____.”

foolish fiend.

kang sungho was chanyeol’s uncle from his mother’s side. he was the head of one of the closest branch family who’d swore loyalty to the han’s. yet he acted like a stranger who didn’t have anything to do with his brother-in-law’s passing.

“say, hoseok, you’re here too,” sungho didn’t even wait for you to respond - perhaps he thought you were too in shock to say anything, “it’s been a while, thank you for coming even though you have no relation with han group anymore.”

just like that, sungho made a u-turn and spoke on the behalf of han group.

your hand that you didn’t even know was balled up into a fist shook silently - that was, until hoseok slipped and grasped it with his large hand as he lowered his head in a nod.

“it’d always been my intention to come back to serve the new boss,” his hand had left you to wrap his arm around your shoulders, “well, a husband is a slave to his wife, anyway, right?”

it was clear from what hoseok said that he didn’t mean chanyeol was the soon-to-be wife.

you’d sent yeojun to the hospital to confirm your father’s status while you’d met up with an - well, you were holding her son and husband hostage if she didn’t corporate but still - acquaintance who works at the korean embassy to speed up the marriage registration process.

it was when you were walking out of the embassy and to the car that hoseok slips his hand in yours and murmurs to himself.

but you’d heard every word of it, “your hands are trembling. you’ve never shot a man, have you?”

a sense of melancholy paints his face as his grasp tightens on your hand, as if saying ‘sorry i left you all alone in that house.’

you shook it off, heart too dried and withered to ponder on what he’d thought. thoughts of you father filling your heart.

no ceremony, no nothing.

and now you’re married.

the hoseok from just hours ago stood with his back straight and an ease in his aura. yet his presence alone was enough to make even the eldest of the head bow to him.

“are you... are you okay?” this hoseok asks you with hesitance in his voice.

“what makes you think i’m not?” you amble to the bed and drop your towel, letting it pool around your ankle.

there’s no mistaken low breath hoseok let out at the sight of your naked body. as if he’s a teenage school kid who’s never seen the body of a woman.

“do you mind zipping this up for me?” you say, standing with your exposed back on him, damp hair pulled to drape over your shoulder and chest.

hoseok lets out a cough. as if to announce that he was in the room and he was coming closer.

the fingerpads feels callous against your skin. you have to remind yourself to breathe through your nose than hold it in until your lungs feel like they’re about to burst.

hoseok takes his sweet, leisure time tracing down his index finger down your spine to get to the zipper. and when he does, he drags it up in an agonizingly slow pace, the grazing sound it makes causing the hairs on your neck to stand.

“skip the after-reception... you look tired,” he says after his hand falls away from your body and you’re suddenly missing what warmth it provides, like a flame that thaws the ice in your heart.

a dry laugh escapes you, “the elders are finally looking at me as an heiress, you know i can’t afford to slip out of the spotlight on the pretense of fatigue.”

before hoseok can offer any response, you twirl around, arms banding around his waist and bare face buried in his chest.

“hold me like you used to when i woke up from a nightmare and i’ll be fine,” the remnant of your sob threatens to spill from your mouth - true, you didn’t shed a single tear when you arrived late at night at the hospital.

the death of your father had been announced at 1703 hour.

but it’s only ever sunk in that the only family you have is gone - once you’ve left to your own devices to take a bath and change into new clothes before the after reception begins.

it’s then, that the waterworks began to pour over your cheeks without any hints of stopping.

hoseok must have seen the aftermath of your puffed, pink eyes when you stepped out of the bathroom, not expecting for anyone to be there except the silence.

a pair of strong, secure arms wrap around your body wordlessly. hoseok tilts his head so his cheek is pressed against the side of your head.

“you grew a few inches,” his husked voice brushes your ear like a dream you’d never want to wake up from.

a small laugh escapes you, “oh come on, i got more than my height on me but you-”

hoseok groans and you clamp your mouth shut, chuckling.

“i’m sorry,” he confesses, a treasure trove of remorse laced around those two little words.

all of a sudden, guilt gnaws at your conscience for having teased him too many times about forgetting something he couldn’t control, “don’t say sorry,” you mumble, “now i feel bad.”

“i used to tease you a lot about your obsession for ponies and unicorns.” his voice drums in your ears.

“i used to fantasize about finding a unicorn in the forest behind our beach house and beating chanyeol at a race someday,” without you realizing it, your cheeks are hurting from how wide you’re smiling.

silence lapses around you.

but it has no space in between your flushed bodies. you hear hoseok’s unusually fast heartbeat.

“you’ve changed...” you murmur, somber.

“i did?” he sounds melancholic, as if reminiscing about the days in this household.

chasing after the troublemaker daughter that always thinks they’re playing hide-and-seek. beating and threatening any rival members he sees hovering around the han group’s territorial influence.

“i didn’t say i don’t like the new you,” you tear your face off his chest, tilting your chin to gaze up to his warm eyes that appear deep brown under these fluorescent lights.

standing on the tip of your toes, you peck his lips lightly.

a sweet smile plays on your lips.

‘yeah, his lips are as soft as they look,’ you affirm.

it’s the way his eyelids cover his eyes as he blinks. the way his lips part as if surprised at the sudden, unannounced advancement. the way the realization seems to sink in that there was nothing stopping you from kissing him again-

an index finger presses against your pouted lips as you stand on the tips of your toes once again.

“it’s dangerous...” is all he offers.

but with the way his gaze becomes hooded as the chains of self-restraint shackles his hands and ankles, you think you know what he means.

instead of offering an answer, you sweep your tongue over the length of his digit, mouth opening to lightly bite his finger all the while gazing into his stormy eyes.

“guess i’m just a little kitten compared to the wolves in that room full of old wolves to you, huh?”

once the storm passes, his gaze becomes hooded with something - something you can’t pinpoint.

yet you let him slide his finger deeper into your mouth, feeling the soft pink flesh of your tongue on his fingertip.

you flutter your lashes skittishly, hand pushing the hair to the back of your ear as you lick a strip down his finger like you would his other head. but the rap on your door and the “miss ____, it’s yeojun,” coming from the other side almost sends your heart leaping into your throat.

you suck in a deep breath around hoseok’s finger before pulling away and stepping to the side, completely aware of the sexual tension that hovers in the air like thick, dark clouds.

“yeojun, is everyone here?” your gaze is fixed on the handle that your hand’s reaching out for.

“everything’s set, we’re waiting on the priest to arrive,” his voice sounds muffled through the door.

you step out of the door with half-damp hair and a face bare of make up whilst patting down the skirt of your dress.

but it’s not your half-as-acceptable appearance that makes yeojun stare at you for five solid seconds.

rather, he’s staring at something behind you as you feel the warmth of a body heat against your back.

“i’ll be the one escorting my fiance, yeonjun.”

he speaks casually despite yeojun being older than him and yet it felt natural. hoseok holds out his arm for you as yeojun stepped back with a bow, making way for you and hoseok to walk down the hallway leading to the flight of stairs where the main hall would be.

x

“god, i hate ties,” hoseok murmurs under his breath from next to you, nimble fingers pulling on his collar.

“you wear it well for someone who claims to hate going around in crisp button downs and shiny leather loafers,” a smile tugs on the corners of your lips.

chanyeol finally stepped away with the madam for some fresh air. maybe the death glares she’d been shooting you since you arrived - has finally got the world spinning behind her eyes.

“was the only option an orphaned nobody like me had when i was offered to work a nine to five,” he says casually, still fumbling with his tie.

your hand feels like a child’s when you place it on his. he pauses, gazing down at you before letting his hand fall on his side whilst yours remain on the knot of his necktie.

“may i?”

hoseok’s head moves, not quite a nod but not a shake of ‘no’ either. so you take out the pin from your hair that yeojun fetched from your room after your hair started falling into your face with every head bow you made in front of the guest. undoing the knot on hoseok’s tie, you slip the pin between the knot before looping the end over the knot and patting it down once you’re done.

the ‘how did you learn to do that’ look that hoseok shoots you makes you laugh. he’s both impressed and suspicious.

“my mom-” the one who’s confined to the house your father give and can’t even attend her late husband’s memorial service, reception and after reception, “-taught me all the things i needed to know to be the ‘perfect’ wife.”

“never pegged you for someone who’d obediently absorb her teachings,” he comments.

back then, you were as ruthless and spoiled as they come. the fine lines on your mother’s forehead was probably caused by your bursts every time she tried to push her views on you.

“a year after you left the seong’s proposed for our families to join together... they had a son and daddy had a daughter at his disposal... i was preparing to be a bride because that’s all people around me made my life to be until i just... had enough of being treated like a doll. so i cut a deal with seong joongki, got rid of his dad so he could step up as head, we remained engaged until i turned 18 and broke it. now he’s one of the people i know i can count on,” a shrug of your shoulder and you look up to him, locking his gaze with yours.

“seong, huh?” hoseok scanned the faces of the guests behind you, eyes narrowed like a hawk before they paused on something.

his gaze returns to you, an overly sweet smile appearing on his face as his dimples dig into his cheeks, “people like him cut and run when things get messy.”

you laugh, it sounds tired, but it’s still laugh, “if he does, i’d be the one to tell him to.”

“and i’ll put a bullet in his head if you didn’t,” he says words of murder like a romantic confession as he gazes into your eyes like there’s no where he’d rather be.

that is, until an unfamiliar voice calls the husband of the heiress by his name.

x

“namjoon,” hoseok hugs the chairman of kimcorp. for a lingering moment as the man pats his back once, as if unspeakingly consoling him.

kim namjoon, the second child and heir of kimcorp. and hoseok’s college friend and boss who booked a sudden trip back to seoul at the news of the head of the han group’s passing.

though the later generation washed their hands off the dirty work that got them where they are, they still remember their roots.

when they break apart, hoseok turns to you, arm around your waist, “___, this namjoon. namjoon- ___... my wife.”

hearing the word ‘wife’ slip out of hoseok’s mouth warms your heart yet makes your stomach knot painfully. ironic how you’d want to believe the heartrendering way he introduced you to be anything more than the act you told him to put on.

“ah,” kim namjoon narrows his eyes at you, as if shifting through his memories, “the kid hoseok babysat.”

the disparaging regard to your status as heiress tells you enough what this so-called friend of hoseok thinks of you.

“the friendless nerd hobi befriended out of pity,” you state, flashing you best smile.

a nod from his side. as if saying ‘touché’.

“ah, mrs. aera didn’t come?” hoseok asks, eyes searching the crowd until namjoon shakes his head, a meaningful smile playing on his lips.

“she’s too tired so i told her to rest at home,” he says and hoseok nods, as if understanding the underlying reason that kim aera is missing from honoring the master his husband’s family’s served for generations.

the kim’s are one of the oldest families that was tied down to han group by an oath. your great great great grandfather helped his great grandfather build the legacy the kim’s found themselves on now.

though the later generation washed their hands off the dirty work that got them where they are, they still remember their roots.

he steps away, greeting chanyeol and han chohee, your father’s legal wife before meandering away and keeping out of the spotlight for the rest of the night while you amble languidly with your hand on hoseok’s arm, exchanging pleasantries with the guests like it’s a wedding rather than a funeral until it’s time for the head of the family to gather in the boardroom.

everywhere you and hoseok goes, eyes follow. those who you approach tenses up while they wear their best smiles and utter words of sweet saccharine but as soon as the attorney turns up, you have no sliver of doubt that these people will be the first to vote for your head if it turns out the will appoints chanyeol as the next and rightful heir of han group.

those who you pass by end up with twisted faces. they’re the acquaintances of the han group, loyal to no master - the actual people who’d cut and run.

“mr. jee,” the middle aged man with too big of a nose and overbearing personality turns his full attention to you after hoseok was done talking about the stock market he’d been investing in, “a friend of mine, doctor maria wong, is a skin specialist who just received the asan award in medicine for her recent findings, i can introduce you to her, if you’d like.”

the youngest jee suffers from a rare skin condition which is why she never attended any social functions. they claimed she got accepted to a boarding school in europe when she was actually getting treated in one of the most prestigious private hospitals in the world in switzerland.

the situation is kept under wraps. you lost one of your holiday villas for this piece of information.

“o-oh, yes,” it takes a moment of him staring at you like you’re emitting halo from your body before he stammers back to life, “i- we,” he looks at his wife who shares the same hopeful gleam, “would really like that.”

“one down... tens more to go,” hoseok murmurs under his breath when you walk away from the couple, “you’re pretty good this ‘you know whose side you should be on, don’t you’ kind of threat.”

“i threatened the jung hoseok to marry me, this is child’s play,” you shoot him a coquettish smile, not expecting for him to lean down to your ear and whisper lowly.

“the lock was on the whole time,” he chuckles as he straightens his back at the announcement summoning all the heads of the families present, its representative, the children of the han’s and their spouses to the meeting room.

hoseok pulls out a pair of tucson, ariz’s tucked behind him and places them on the metal tray soobin’s holding out. he slips a hand under his suit, pulling out a revolver from his shoulder holster you didn’t even know he had on. then, two grenades from each of his pockets like he’s taking out a piece of candy. a foldup knife from the pocket of his blazer.

red lights go off when he walks past the metal detector, cursing to himself before he shoots you a sheepish look - the one the new hoseok would - and bends down before pulling out two kolibri the size of your palm and appear like toy guns in hoseok’s that was strapped on both his ankles.

one of your father’s men manually hovers a handheld metal detector and scans him from head to toe before giving him the greenlight to walk into the room just as kang sungho screams, “i’m the uncle of the future head, you’ll regret this!”

you roll your eyes at the old man’s outburst, taking out the dagger strapped to your thigh and pretending to not notice hoseok’s ogling at your exposed thighs when the dress rides up.

“bringing a knife to a gun fight - ballsy,” hoseok murmurs under his breath, his words meant only for you as you join his side, both of you stepping into the still-empty boardroom as the heads of the branch families you pass by grumble to themselves, pulling out the weapons they have on them and piling the tray in front of them.

one even pulled out a bandolier wrapped underneath his coat. the others merely have a pile of handguns and revolvers on their tray.

“oh, i brought something better,” you feel your lips stretching into a smirk as hoseok pushes the chair behind you before slipping in the one next to you, inquisitive eyes boring into yours.

a peck lands on his lips as you giggle at the way his eyes go wide for the briefest moment.

“tch,” someone says as they pass you and hoseok. chanyeol sits across from you, glare digging holes into your skull as he looks at you as if you were guM under his sole.

“please, tell me you have a plan that involves me driving my fist in his face,” hoseok’s low voice sends shivers down your spine.

it takes a moment for you to grasp that his statement needs a response.

“even better,” you murmur, head tilted to him, “you’ll get to do whatever you want with him after we walk out of this room.”

x

“we can’t go on without a leader for longer than 48 hours!” kang sungho smacks his pudgy fist against the clear glass surface of the oval table.

“we get your frustrations head family kang, but we need to locate attorney hyeon first,” seong joongki speaks informally to the man 20 years his senior and kang sungho can only grit his teeth.

in this room, no peerage title exists. every head is equal and that means every single person here is below you and chanyeol, the heir and heiress of han group.

“for all we know, attorney hyeon could be dead,” ahn sujin glances around the room, meeting every eye of the head until her gaze rests on you, “they found traces of tires on the road and a wrecked tree trunk a few feet away.”

“are you saying attorney hyeon got into an accident on the way here but someone quickly moved the car and bodies as if they were planned it, auntie sujin?” chanyeol baritone cuts through the tense air.

he throws you a side glance as he sits at the end of the oval table where your father and his father and his father’s father sat, bearing the weight of a legacy as old and majestic as the royal family had they survived all these years. the audacity of this man you call a brother walked straight up to the seat your father used to occupy and plopped down as if he owned it.

“the crash mark in the bark of the tree was still fresh,” ahn sujin nods.

“well...” at the sound of your voice, the whole room falls silent, “let’s ask him shall we?”

soobin, nods at you like he’s known your ways for years. he pulls out a remote and the tv screens tacked behind the leader’s seat.

the screen flashes with a picture of uncle jihoon getting into a sleek black car with the plate number HG that only you, chanyeol, the madam and your father have access to.

a blurred buzzing echoes against the soundproof walls of the boardroom before it gradually becomes clearer.

“...get the names?” a deep voice asks - the owner sitting directly across from you stares with knitted brows as he focuses on the familiar sound.

“a-... -re you... sure about...? ...involve ...your mother’s family...” uncle jihoon’s dialect wrapped around the syllables of the words, giving out who that voice belongs to.

he used to be proud of where he came from and wore his dialect like a medal.

“..-actly, they’re my mom’s family. not mine. ‘sides, kang sungho’s been clinging onto dad like a fucking leech even though he knows there’s nothing he can offer us that we want.”

silence fills the audio.

hoseok’s hand slips over yours, as if reminding you to let out that breath you’ve been holding.

chanyeol’s jaw tightens as he shoots daggers at you with his eyes.

“the names, uncle.” a sense of urgency laces around chanyeol’s voice.

“th-the kang’s, byun’s and ahn’s agreed to get molly to the scorpios in thailand on 23rd of april on flight ka8792 at 2:35 pm.” uncle jihoon says after a heartbeat.

each of the families listed are known for either their couture designs that receive orders from ministers’ wives all over the world, custom made colognes or either owns five star hotels in south korea and overseas.

“this isn’t enough, you think the cops are gonna believe all we have is the names of families involved in some mid level drug smuggling? my reputation’s on the line here.”

“a-and a fishing vessel will be making port at around 3 in the morning five days from now. it’s owned by the cha’s, they’ve been using it to smuggle meth and hide it under the hauls of fish they caught.”

the cha’s hold the monopoly to the wet market business.

“that’ll do for now, get out.”

the audio cuts off and the screens begin to move again, this time showing shots of chanyeol and a man in his 40′s sitting across from each other, having coffee.

shifting your hand so your palm is facing up in hoseok’s, you slip your fingers in the gap of his longer ones.

“that’s detective kim namseok and my beloved brother having brunch together - that’s right, chanyeol with the held of uncle jihoon, sold the kang’s, byun’s, ahn’s and cha’s off in his grand scheme of getting the leader position in exchange for police immunity for the han group... oops?” your lips purse into a mocking pout.

“lies! you know how much this bitch wanted to take over han group!” chanyeol roars, pushing himself off the chair and turning to face the wide-eyed gazes and dropped jaws of the heads of the families.

“i-i was b-blackmailed...” uncle jihoon stares at his reflection in the table, as if in a whole different world, “i-it’s not my fault! the young master threatened me!”

“let’s ask the detective shall we? since it’s been  proven that men from the han group have a hard time believing the women’s words,” you roll your eyes.

the screen flashes with an dark, barren room with nothing but a man tied to a chair in the middle of it. his head is hung low but there’s no mistaking the sight of blood covering his face and shirt.

the ghost scent of the blood makes your stomach churn yet you wear the malicious smile of someone who’s about to grasp the very thing she desires - perfectly.

“he’s a little... tied up. we caught him just in time before he called up his partner and spilled everything your darling heir provided.”

“uh, hello? are we live?” a cautious, brittle-like voice echoes from the intercom as a man with greying hair enters the frame as he adjusts his glasses to sit higher on his nose bridge.

“attorney hyeon, you’re live,” you affirm, smiling tightly.

“ah, good evening,” a light of recognition glints in the man’s eyes as he smiles, bowing deeply before straightening his back and backing up until he’s standing next to the half-conscious detective, “i apologize for not being able to attend the meeting myself. i got into an accident, drugged and would have had my nails pulled out if miss han didn’t come to my rescue and brought me here.”

“argh... a... ah...” the detective interjects, groaning.

attorney hyeon laughs calmly as if he didn’t just hear the bloodied and bruised man asking for help.

“in my hands here, i have the contents of the will which i will now have my... uh, assistant-bodyguard share it to the screen and send to your phones... are you sure... they’re sent?” his voice becomes quieter whilst phones and tablets begin to ding with a notification simultaneously.

“... the three holiday villas in incheon, jeju and daegu will respectively go to the madam...” he begins listing out the properties owned by your late father and the distribution of a portion of it to the madam and your mother.

no one interjects even though attorney hyeon’s voice seems to drone on and one despite the tape and audio that leaves everyone on the edge of their seats.

“...and for matters regarding the succession of the new head, the boss, han jiseok, wishes a fair voting system be used to decide whether mr. han chanyeol or miss han ___ will take the position a starting a month after his death.” by the end of it, the room is deathly silent as if a pin drop would echo like thunder in this spacious room.

“the heir and heiress are given three months for them to prove themselves to the vassals and in the absence of a leader, jung hoseok will be appointed as proxy-”

at that, the whole room breaks out into a roar.

“jung hoseok hasn’t stepped foot in han manor for over fifteen years!”

“miss ___ and hoseok are married! this will lead to unfair results!”

a screech against the floor as a chair falls over.

“you still want to support the son of a bitch that’s willing to sell all of us out to the blue bastards?!”

“who’s to say the young master’s not selling out the names of sons of bitches like you who switches sides the first chance you have!”

in the midst of the shouting, chairs screeching and the elderly lawyer trying to gain calm the elders, chanyeol turns to you with the eyes of a man who’s watching his legacy fall right in his very eyes.

“i should’ve left you in the forest when we got lost 15 years ago,” he reaches for something behind his back.

you recall the brother with scratches all over his body, the sun was setting and his back had looked broad for your 8 year old self. you were just two kids who lost their way, slipped and fall in the forest not too far from the family villa.

that same brother is holding a gun to your face.

x

hoseok takes a long whiff of the cigarette that sits in between his index and middle fingers.

“that was a shitstorm,” someone laughs from behind him - your voice sounds oddly free for someone who’s about to either get hexed or get worshipped within three months.

the curve of smile on your lips makes him smile too. he breathes out, laughing, “yeah...”

“do you mind sharing?”

hoseok blinks once. then he regains his senses, looking at the smoldering bud and tapping the middle part of the cigarette with the tip of his index finger to get the ash off so it wouldn’t hurt you if it fell.

“yeah... here.” he pushes down the wince that comes from the slightest strain of passing the cigarette to you.

the way your eyes linger on the clean white bandage on his arm tells him you’re not fooled by his unfazed mask. yet you don’t say anything, your eyes flutter close as your matte burgundy lips wrap around the beige colored bud and inhale.

when chanyeol pulled out the gun, hoseok tried to reason him out of it. promises were made at the expense of his own life. all that, in exchange for yours. in the fleeting moment that chanyeol took to consider pointing the gun at hoseok, you find your opening, shoving his hand upward and hitting that spot in his rib.

the bullet didn’t hit you but it grazed hoseok’s arm. he was standing right next to you.

And hoseok has a brand new pack of cigarettes in his pocket along with an electric lighter - he’d probably grab them both in one grasp if he slipped his hand in his pocket now.

for some reason, he takes the cigarette you pass and takes a good, long whiff out of it.

“did you know?” the puffs of smoke pass through your mouth as you speak and breathe out.

“when i left,  boss told me that i should be ready to drop everything i have... everything i am at any moment... they would have dragged me back one way or another and it’s not gonna be with a gun with its safety lock on if i didn’t walk in on my own accords,” hoseok taps the ashes off a second time, watching them flutter down and settle in between the green blades of grass.

a sense apprehension follows your nod as you stare at your reflection in your polished pumps, “after all this... after i convince the vassals, i’ll make sure you walk out of this alive. heck, i’ll sign the divorce papers today-”

the half of the unsmoked cigarette hits the ground.

hoseok finds himself swallowing the gasp that slips out of your lips at his sudden movement. you freeze underneath his fingertips like the ice you build in your heart but you don’t push him away and hoseok takes that as a maybe.

maybe there’s stability in this chaos.

maybe love does bloom in the most desolate place.

he feels his heart leap into his throat when your arm goes around his neck as you kiss him back just as desperately.

maybe, just maybe, you need him as much as he needs you.

x

the three months fly by with you gathering the majority of the votes by exposing the dirt you have on chanyeol as well as obtaining support from the main branch families by giving them more control over the underground market that was previously monopolized by han group.

though you’re competing with no one, the three month grace period still went on to ease you into the leadership spot.

to keep everything fair, you and hoseok lived apart. him in his apartment he’d been living in up till now and you in one of the holiday villas that your father gifted your mother.

by virtue, you had every right to keep staying in the main mansion as the heiress but chanyeol’s presence was still too strong. his people still lurk behind the mask of the so called loyalty for the han group. he’s locked in one of the safest hideout where only a selected few know where it is. one of them being hoseok. you never asked him what happened with your brother.

that brother of yours was dead to you the moment he pointed a gun at your head.

and with that, you find yourself in a standstill when it comes to your relationship with hoseok.

the last time you mentioned divorce was on the day the will was read. you ended up in one of the empty guest rooms in the mansion because yours was too far away. hoseok fucked you into the silk satin material of the bed like he did that night. as if begging you to keep him - even if it was only for cheap thrills and fleeting passion.

once you stepped out of that room - somewhat presentable and barely any feelings in your leg, so much so, he had to wrap an arm around you to keep you upright - he was whisked away to discuss ground rules of what being the proxy head is entitled.

and that included maintaining a professional - as professional as a mafia leader can be - relationship with the heir and heiress he were to oversee.

once the three months were over, hoseok moved in with you. did all the things married couples would do - attended social functions and established your power as the head and him, the husband of said head. as if saying he had no eye for the position of the head. as if saying if they’d get on their knees and bow down at his will, they better be ready to die for you at his will. only when you’re away on trips overseas, visiting other ruling families in tokyo, hong kong, china and everywhere in asia - would he take over your job.

he kept the men in check and made sure they had a good beating if they went astray. and even then, they’d still follow him to the ends of the earth.

jung hoseok has the full support of the people who swore loyalty to the han family and you have the majority support of the heads of the branch family.

to anyone and everyone, you two make a dangerously powerful couple.

except there’s one problem: you’ve only consummated your marriage once and you can barely kiss your husband without him running away like you’re the literal devil that’s after him.

“h-honey, you’re back,” hoseok stammers, his adam’s apple bobbing as he gazes down at your exposed cleavage that’s pressed up against his body, trapping him between the desk and you.

he looks as if he’s a touch away from losing his mind and fucking you against the table in front of the frames of your predecessors on the wall.

but then his phone vibrates in his pocket and he doesn’t need to take it but he does, a ‘namjoon’ flashing across the screen.

as if seeing a lightbulb go off his head, you shake your head, ‘don’t you dare’.

“i remember taehyun caught the baek’s men in our territory, they’re in the tortu- interrogation room. i was gonna kill them and get rid of their bodies, but since you’re back... i have golf with namjoon, see you tonight.” with that, he kisses you on the corner of your mouth.

in other words, hoseok was saying ‘they’re your problem now, boss.’

“wh-what, jung hoseok, you-!” you manage to yell back but he’s out of the door before you knew it.

hours later, the clock hands strike an hour and a half past midnight as they mock you for making your own husband run away at the sight of you. the door clicks twice as some slips in and shuts it behind them.

you don’t even catch the sound of footsteps as hoseok goes about the room, taking off his shirt and wrapping a towel around his waist. the only indication he’s even here is the body that suddenly freezes up at the sudden flash of light on the nightstand on your side.

“where were you?”

“i was out... golfing... with namjoon...” he drags out the sentence as if his brain short circuited when put in the spotlight in nothing but a flimsy towel around that muscular body of his.

“your wife comes back after two weeks and you decide to go golfing on the very day she touched down?” you say curtly, arms crossed over your lace donned chest.

“i-...” hoseok starts pointing to the open bathroom door behind him that he was about to go in had it not been for your abrupt intervention.

“come here,” you order.

“i just got back and i sweated a lot-” is it the way your eyes bore into his without so much as blinking that makes him clamp his mouth shut?

“yes, ma’am.”

a sigh leaves your lips heartbeats after he comes to stand by the bed, head hanging low like a puppy who knows he’s about to receive a scolding. but you’re not his owner and hoseok’s your husband. your lifetime companion.

“hobi,” the nickname slips out of your mouth without you realizing it as your fingers graze his, tugging on his index finger like a child.

he seems to understand your beckoning, bed dipping when he takes a seat, facing you. it takes everything in you not to let your eyes linger longer than a millisecond at the way the towel ends up stretching, revealing a very noticeable lump protruding in between his thighs.

you clear your throat, mentally chiding yourself for the wave of memories that flood your mind when hoseok is looking at you with attentive eyes. all ears for you.

“for some reason, i feel like you’ve been avoiding me and it’s not just this afternoon. since we started living together... it feels like we’re back to being strangers with memories who happen to have to spend their lives together from now on.” you play with his fingers that you tuck into your lap, heart beating too fast for you to look at him in the eye.

and to think you started off like a lioness prepared for war.

all of a sudden, the temperature of the room drops as you mention the word you promised you’d never utter again since the day of the reading of the will.

“i meant what i said about divorce - monthly alimony until the day you die, a house in gangnam a car with a driver, all expenses paid. and if you find someone and want to start a family with them, i swear on my honor as the head of han group, your family will be protected under our care for as long as i’m alive.”

“i don’t want a divorce.” hoseok says, sounding somewhat hurt.

“then- why-” you begin but he cuts you off with his troubled voice.

“____, i watched over you, i dropped you off and pick you up after school,  taught you how to ride a bicycle-”

this time, it’s you who speaks over him,“-ten years ago. hobi -”

i’m an adult who literally knows how to put a bullet in someone’s head.

but you don’t get to say that when hoseok shakes his head.

“do you remember why you started calling me that? because you came home one day and said you learned a new word- hope. you said i was your hope and you were so excited because you could equate a new word to someone you know... someone who’s been like a brother figure to you- how messed up am i to marry the little girl that i watched over and actually desire her as a woman now?”

“so you do see me as a woman.” is all you say.

“is that all you heard, ___?” hoseok’s wide eyed gaze bore into yours, as if disbelieved by your nonchalance.

“it’s the only thing i care about,” you shrug, the easy arrogance almost costing you another ruined relationship but you sigh a second later, eyes fixed on the motionless hand in your lap before you slip your hand in his, holding it like you’re about to commence a thumb war, “i may have acted like a spoiled brat the majority of the time after we met again which is probably why this whole existential crisis is happening right now,” you laugh, “it’s easier to play the role of a bimbo daughter than a strong overbearing heiress. i guess i acted like that for so long, i started becoming that.

your hand lies still in hoseok’s as you look up, meeting his gaze for what it is, “i admit, it’s my fault if you think that my feelings spurred from the fond memories of the only person who treated me like a human.”

“but i assure you, i didn’t get to where i am now because i’m driven by sentiments like hate for chanyeol and everyone who looked down on me nor the love i had for you as a guardian. in life, there’s only one thing i want and that’s to be the head of han group. you’re a chest piece that helps turn the tables around for me but you’re not my only piece.”

the line of hoseok’s shoulders sag, as if hearing the truth hurt him more than the lie convinced himself of.

“choosing to make you my king is entirely up to me... not because of some childhood memory or dependency on a guardian figure like you thought but...” your thumb grazes hoseok’s knuckles as you lift his hand to your lips, pressing a lingering kiss on his knuckles, “we can take it slow, i won’t tease you anymore and you can see for yourself how true my words are.”

“feels like i should be the one saying that,” the lips on your forehead feels warm, spreading through your body like a mid summer’s night.

arms wrap around your body, hugging you to a strong, tight, unclothed chest as your breath hitches in your throat. you raise your hands to return the embrace but decide against it - it feels like a sin to be drooling over hoseok’s abs and greek god-like body when you’ve just promised to stop jumping the gun.

“you smell nice,” you finally cave, slender hands wrap around his naked torso as you breathe in his scent - a faint trace of musk and sea and masculinity.

at that, the body underneath you seems to freeze up, “i-i think i should take that shower now.”

hoseok’s sudden retreat almost has you falling face first into the sheets. you watch as he covers his face with that large, pretty hands of his while his feet carries him into the bathroom door and closes it shut.

x

the room is silent.

save for the sound of the droplet gathering underneath the tap before hitting the quartz countertop.

hoseok stares at himself in the mirror. lips parted, glazed eyes that are becoming clearer with each passing second as if gradually realizing the sticky situation he found himself in.

the bathroom smells like your favorite floral bath gel but he can still sense the scent of his arousal that, after running the shower head over, finally washed down the drain.

the water was obviously hot. not scalding - hoseok couldn’t take scalding hot showers like you do. but since he’d moved in and after screaming and almost tumbling down to his death if the water didn’t boil him alive first - the next day, he’d found the water to be cooler. warm enough not to make him freeze but not hot enough to have his skin emitting vapor like a half cooked human meat.

but that’s besides the point.

the point is - he’s already had a good, warm shower and jerked himself off but he’s still hard.

it’s the way your delicate frame presses against him when you try to hug him. no- hoseok shakes his head mentally, it’s the way you breathe and compliment his scent which, hoseok is certain, smells like sweat and grass and soil that he rolled over after miserably failing to hit the ball.

he might be well acquainted with riches and luxuries but he’ll get used to these rich people hobby namjoon’s been trying to get him on after his marriage with the head of han group.

these days, it feels like namjoon’s been trying to get hoseok to meet him more than the times they have to actually see each other when he was slaving over his perfectionist ass at work.

before hoseok can even ponder further on namjoon’s unarousing quirks and get his boner down, he hears a rap on the door and a hesitant,“hobi?”

“y-yeah?” ha manages to answer somewhat smoothly.

“i just wanted to say that i can sleep in my old room... if you’re not comfortable sleeping in the same-”

“no!” a rushed rejection, a heart trembling inside a chest.

hands of fear grasps at his wrists and ankles as though if he stayed tight-lipped any longer, he might actually walk out to an empty bedroom with no trace of you at all.

as this is all just one beautiful, tragic dream.

“no, i like sleeping with you.” hoseok slaps himself in the cheek, “i mean i like sleeping next to you... in the same bed.”

the silence seems to stretch on for hours until he hears the giggle coming from the other side of the door - hoseok’s heart warms, you sound like you’re back to yourself, “okay, well, come to bed faster.”

“i will!” he curses himself for that rushed response but you’re probably back in bed with the lights from the nightstand off, probably tired as fuck after a one hour flight back to seoul, having had baek’s men’s territory breach matters shoved into your arms and waiting up on your pitiful husband who was avoiding you over his conflicted conscience.

by the time he’s out of the bathroom, loose pajama pants hanging lowly around his hips, he sees that small lump underneath the blanket, your fetal position telling him you fell asleep facing his side of the bed.

hoseok slips into bed, laying on his side and admiring your pretty lips and thick lashes. his hand clenches and unclenches as if he’s not sure if he should sleep hugging you the way he’s used to.

he caves, hand wrapping around your back as he kisses the top of your head.

unbeknownst to him, you’re still awake. you pretended to be asleep because you didn’t want to make hoseok uncomfortable. but now he’s cuddling you like a child whilst his semi erected head presses against your stomach and it’s kind of too late to say anything.

not to mention, you were a virgin up until awhile ago and you’re not sure if it’s normal for men to be able to hold out this long without fucking their wives or if hoseok’s self-restraint is just over the roof and you’re the one with too high of a libido.

‘damn it, should’ve jumped on his dick before initiating a heart-to-heart.’

[stiltonbasket]

See, I'm the terrible person who would ask for a kidnapping situation in the Renouncement verse regardless of Sizhui's feelings on the matter =D

(author’s note: please please reblog if you can, since that’s how we get prompts for future chapters!)

When Wei Wuxian opens his eyes, he is dimly aware that the last time he was conscious, he was somewhere else. 

In fact (unless he is very much mistaken) he was out on a night hunt with Sizhui and Jingyi; the three of them went to investigate a demon boar near the border between Gusu and Zhoushan, and Ouyang Zizhen and Jin Ling both joined them there. Wei Wuxian went scouting ahead with Chenqing as he usually does, cautioning the juniors to keep back until he could get a good look at the beast and decide if it was something the boys could safely defeat, and then he remembers slapping at the back of his neck to kill a biting insect and finding a silver needle there instead. 

And then the world went black around him, dissolving into a shadowy realm of pain and invisible snarling creatures only a few feet away, and someone laughing—laughing from somewhere high above him, while Wei Wuxian lifted his feet to run and discovered that they were chained to the ground. 

And after that, there was nothing. 

“Lan Zhan?” he croaks, reaching out until his hand catches on soft silk and then at the end of what feels like his husband’s forehead ribbon. “Lan Zhan, where are we?”

Someone pulls back a curtain, at that, letting so much light into the room that Wei Wuxian covers his eyes, and someone else bursts into tears, while a third person (most likely Jingyi, he decides) flings himself out the door and yells for Lan Xichen. 

“Jingyi,” Wei Wuxian moans, vaguely aware of the quivering hands helping him sit upright against a pillow. “Not so loud, I—”

I’m in the jingshi. 

How did I get back here…?

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan says—and oh, Lan Zhan is here, climbing up onto the bed beside him and embracing him so tightly that Wei Wuxian can scarcely breathe. “I should have come with you, I should have known something would go wrong!” 

He must be the one who was crying, Wei Wuxian realizes, because tears are trickling onto his head, and every part of Lan Zhan’s body is shaking so hard that he can feel it through the six layers of robes his husband seems to have wrapped him in.

“Tell me where it hurts, xingan. We bandaged the bites, and the scratches, but I—I could not wake you to ask if anything else had gone wrong, even though Xiongzhang was certain you were only in shock, and you—”

“What happened?” he manages to say at last, after forcing his eyes fully open and glancing around their bedroom. Lan Qiren’s shadow is just visible behind the privacy screen, sitting at Lan Zhan’s qin with his hands frozen on the strings and so clearly relieved that he has actually begun to slouch a little, and Wei Wuxian can hear Jiang Cheng and Jin Ling shouting at each other (or possibly at some poor Lan healer) on the porch outside. “A-Yuan and I went after a demon boar, not—not—”

“You were kidnapped,” his husband whispers. “Someone had lured the demon boar out of Zhoushan and into Gusu territory to trap you, they knew I was away in Qinghe with Xiongzhang, and so you were stolen away the moment you left Sizhui’s sight in the forest. He heard footsteps leading away from the spot, but he thought they were yours, and so—”

Wei Wuxian shakes his head. “That doesn’t make any sense, Lan Zhan. How did they even get hold of me?”

“Xiongzhang found a needle-prick in your neck,” Lan Zhan tells him, as Wei Wuxian puts his hand up to feel for it. “It was laced with some kind of seizing poison, he said. And the dose was low enough for a non-cultivator to be affected by it, which means that they knew about your golden core.”

That would explain it, certainly, because when Wei Wuxian woke in that other place—the place with chains and slavering beasts and cries that sounded like they came from human throats, though they were not human in the slightest—someone had said something about his golden core, from far overhead so that he could scarcely hear it, and then there were teeth sinking into his arms, his shoulders, right before he thrust his hands straight into something cold and sticky like old rotting meat and closed his hands around bone. 

“Come back, sweetheart,” he hears his husband call. “I’m here, Wei Ying. I’m here.”

“How did I get out?” he asks, when Lan Zhan brings him a cup of mint tea to settle his stomach and produces another blanket from his sleeve to drape around Wei Wuxian’s shoulders. “And who kidnapped me, anyway?”

“Someone whose father and grandfather died at Bu Ye Tian, from what we discovered. There were many others involved, all with grievances against you, and from their accents I believe some might have been connected to Lanling Jin.”

“...You mean you don’t know for sure?”

“They attempted to stand in my way when I reached the place you were being held,” Lan Zhan tells him. “I—did not see any reason to preserve their lives, at the time. The few who surrendered were questioned by Nie Huaisang, and we thought he would turn them over to Gusu Lan to face justice, but instead he requested Xiongzhang’s permission to execute them.”

Wei Wuxian’s eyes go wide. “And Xichen-ge let him?”

“Do you know what they did to you?” Lan Zhan asks, instead of answering the question. “Can you even remember?”

“Ah, Lan Zhan, you know I have a terrible memory. I barely even remember the last siege on Qishan, because of all the resentment I was channeling, and it couldn’t have been that bad if you—”

“They threw you into a cellar filled with fierce corpses and left you there to die,” his husband chokes, openly weeping now as he pulls Wei Wuxian back into his arms and sobs into his hair. “You—they had gagged you, so you would not be able to whistle—” and that explains the strange raw feeling of Wei Wuxian’s mouth, now that he thinks about it— “and they left Chenqing behind on the spot where they took you, because they could neither break it nor take it with them, and you had nothing to fight the corpses with but the leg bones you tore out of the rotten ones—”

He does remember that, oddly enough. 

“How did you find me, then?” he wonders. “How was there even time?”

“I was already on my way back to the Cloud Recesses, and when I reached it I found Shufu and Xiongzhang arranging a search party. “Sizhui summoned Wen Ning, and I followed. It was—when we reached you, it was almost—”

His face twists, and another river of tears drips down his face and soaks Wei Wuxian’s blankets. 

“I almost lost you again, sweetheart,” he whispers, “and it was my fault, again.”

___

Several hours later, after Lan Xichen examines him and declares him perfectly healthy aside from the bruises and corpse bites, Wei Wuxian finally makes his way to the kitchen table with A-Yu whimpering in his arms and sinks down onto a bench while Lan Zhan prepares a serving of plain white egg congee with tiny slivers of diced meat in it, seasoned with only salt and pepper because Wei Wuxian had been sick when Jingyi and Sizhui brought him a bowl of his favorite spicy guqiao mixian earlier that afternoon. 

He would have loved to soothe the uneasy feeling in his chest by burning it out with chili oil, but his stomach had rebelled—probably because of the corpse-stench he spent hours breathing last night, Lan Xichen suggested—and denied him that comfort, too. 

“Don’t cry,” he murmurs, rocking his son back and forth as Lan Zhan puts a spoonful of warm porridge between his lips and then feeds some to Xiao-Yu. “See, your Papa made congee for us, Yu’er. Be a good boy and eat some, ah?”

Xiao-Yu turns his head away and wails into Wei Wuxian’s shoulder. “No! A-Yu wants noodles!”

“Xiao-Yu, baobei, it’s been a long day, and Papa is very tired,” Wei Wuxian pleads, picking up the spoon himself and holding it up to the baby’s stubborn mouth. “It’s good, sweetheart. Try some.”

“Hush, my love,” Lan Zhan says quietly. “You must eat enough, Wei Ying, since you have had nothing since last night. Wait here for a moment, and I will fetch the noodles. He wants the guqiao mixian A-Yuan brought, that is all, and there is plenty left over.”

And he was beside himself when his A-Niang did not come home, no matter how much he cried for him, Lan Zhan doesn’t say. He watched his own mother die before you adopted him, and when Jingyi returned alone...

“I won’t go anywhere again,” he promises—close to Xiao-Yu’s tiny ears, but with his eyes fixed on Lan Zhan’s. “A-Die won’t leave you, A-Yu. Don’t be scared, hm?”

“Xiao-Yu was scared!” the toddler sobs, rubbing his button nose against Wei Wuxian’s arm and leaving a damp trail of tears all down his sleeve. “A-Niang, no go!”

“I won’t, I won’t. Don’t cry, Xiao-Yu, I’m here!”

Lan Zhan pulls them both into his arms, at that, and the three of them sit together near the hearth until the porridge goes cold. Lan Zhan still insists on feeding it to them, though, and then on tucking them both into bed with Wei Wuxian sleeping in the middle so A-Yu and Lan Zhan can keep him warm.

(He loves his family so very much, especially in times like these.)

[thesunandseonghwa]

Shadows and Angels | Part Ten

chan x reader / changbin x reader 

warnings: none 

see here for glossary of terms used

masterlist

Chan was many things, but he had never thought himself unkind, it was something he had drilled into himself since he was a child.

He would never become like his parents.

He was raised on so little love; he had a family name to uphold before anything else. Regardless, as a child he vowed to never let his heart become some cold, hard thing. He would always hold on to the best part of himself and in the same way he’d cling to the best parts of others. Perhaps that’s why Changbin and him were destined to be Parabatai. They were the two sides of one coin, him and Changbin. Truthfully, he trusted Changbin’s judgement more than his own sometimes. He trusted him more than himself too.

And yet, his blood was on fire and he’d dropped Jisung’s unconscious body with a resounding thud against the wooden floor in complete and utter shock at what he was seeing.

You, the girl he thought he loved wrapped around his parabatai. You stumbled forward off the table fixing your dress as you did, hair wet and dishevelled.

He hated the way your small, desperate voice tugged on his heart, “Chan, I’m so sor-“

He held up a hand to silence you, “We have a mission to finish,”

“Chan, please-“ Changbin began, reaching for his arm. Chan shot him a look he didn’t know he had in him and he instantly backed off.

Changbin stepped back, you shoved Changbin's shirt that he had wearing into his hands. Chan could see the tears that threatened to fall, the way you were no doubt tormenting yourself in your head. As if you could be made to feel the torment Chan was feeling.

“Jisung’s awake,” Yeji said in bated breath, Chan kneeled down to where the blue haired half Seelie he’d once called brother sat against the wall.

Felix was in danger, he needed to save him.

He needed to focus on something. Anything to take his mind off what he had just seen. The betrayal he felt hurt more than the heartbreak and it threatened to consume him whole if he didn’t.

“Oh, you’re going to pay for this,” He spat words filled with venom, his gaze filled with sinister intent. He surveyed the room and each and every one in it like a predator and its prey, “Help yourselves and take her to the queen and maybe she’ll show you mercy,”

Chan met Jisung’s gaze, behind all that malice there was something else. Maybe fear, maybe something entirely different. Nothing much had changed about the boy, he still looked like the kid he’d known since he was a child. Him, Changbin and Jisung. A trio so unlikely and confusing. The only son of a famous Shadowhunter family, the son of a family filled with disgrace and a cast out half-breed. They’d been like family, made promises to never let each other fight alone, be each other’s support whenever it was needed and above all never betray each other.

Figures.

“Felix was your friend too, Jisung, I know you care about him too,” Chan pleaded with Jisung, “You never wanted to be here, I’m sorry that I didn’t fight hard enough to keep you with us we were like brothers and we promised to never betray each other,” He dared a glance to his Parabatai, he knew that he winced at that and he hated how much he felt happy that he did.

“It’s a little late for that, don’t you think?” Jisung laughed dryly, throwing his head back. He stood up with some effort and Chan’s hand instantly went to his weapons as did everyone in the room, “How’s that Shax demon bite healing up?”

“He’s fine, no thanks to you, you dick,” Changbin barked, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I noticed,” Jisung said, his eyes running over Chan like he was no more than a minor inconvenience, “I must say, she’s quite well versed in the art of fucking around with little Shadowhunter boys’ hearts, like mother like daughter I suppose, ”

It was a matter of seconds before you had bounded forward, pulling a blade from Chan’s holster at his side and holding it against the Seelie boy’s neck, “Don’t you dare speak about my mother, make fun of me all you want but my parents sacrificed everything for me,”

“Over my dead fucking body,” Changbin muttered under his breath, Chan supposed no one was supposed to have heard it but he did. They could agree on that.

“A pity then that you’re going to amount to nothing just like her,” Jisung chuckled, a finger pushing the blade away from his neck ever so slightly. You replied by pushing it closer to his neck,

“Give yourself up to the queen if you want to honour them so badly, save Felix and everyone else you love, I’ll bring you to her myself,” Jisung taunted you.

It was somewhat heart-warming to see Changbin care so much for something, someone again. For so long, it seemed like the only thing he lived for was killing. Killing demons, killing everyone involved with his father’s death like some avenging angel and Chan often worried that once there were no demons left, no more villains or bad things…

But of all people why did it have to be you?

There was nothing else Changbin seemed to want to live for, yet he was wrong.

Chan had seen the way Changbin would look at you when he thought no one was looking.

“You know you could simply just renounce your claim to the Queen’s throat,” Jisung said in a matter of fact tone as he stepped back from your blade and promptly plopped down on Yeji’s couch much to her audible disdain.

“Renounce my claim? Is it that simple, no hidden death clause or what not” You asked, curious,

“There will always be a price to pay, something or rather someone's gotta give and all,”

Chan and Changbin exchanged worried glances at the look in your eyes. The way you were calculating your losses in your head, Seelies could not lie but they could speak in riddles and something about that answer seemed much too simple. Jisung wasn’t telling the whole truth.

“What is the price?” Changbin asked, his lips pressed into thin line and his features marred by the intensity of the glare he regarded Jisung with.

“I assume we’ll find out when we get to the Queen’s court, no?” Jisung beamed back at Changbin like he was exchanging a funny joke.

“Jisung, explain the price,” Changbin urged, stepped forward as if he meant to attack the boy. Chan stuck an arm out in front of him to stop him.

“You don’t know what she’ll ask me to give up to ensure my good word, do you?” You sighed in annoyance.

“I don’t indeed, she could ask you for anything and you should probably hurry and get a move on because Felix has…” Jisung glanced outside for a second, “A few hours at best I think,”

“I have to do it, I have to renounce my claim, I’ll give up whatever she asks of me,” You looked at Chan with those eyes of yours, you had already made up your mind. You were going to do this whether he liked it or not.

“But what if-“ Changbin began but was cut off by you,

“My parents died trying to keep me safe, I will not let someone else die because of me, no one,” Your words were laced with a steely conviction that showed in your posture and tone of voice. ”We’re going to the Seelie Court, we are going to save Felix and I am going to renounce that which is my heritage,” You stated and no one dared to challenge you. It was almost like that royal blood in you was showing.

“Well, that was terribly dramatic and if that’s all, could you all please get a move on and get out of my house?” Yeji smiled in the most unnatural and fake way possible, “Change into something more appropriate, why don’t you, girl?”

“So, can we untie my wrists and let me go now?” Jisung gestured to his bindings, “They’re honestly starting to chafe,”

Changbin made his way to Jisung, Jisung rolled his eye at him, “Can’t someone else unti-“

Jisung didn’t get to finish his sentence as Changbin had knocked the boy right out of his seat on the couch and out cold

“That’s for Chan and Felix, asshat,”

“Chan…” You had placed a gentle hand on Chan’s arm, breaking him out of his train of thought, “If you’d just let me explain-“

“We have a mission to finish,” Chan said simply once again even if it killed him to see the way your face fell as he moved away from you without so much as a glance. He couldn’t deal with this right now, it simply had to wait, “To the Queen’s court, then?”

You nodded, “I’d better put something else on,”

He couldn’t disagree with that, the dress you wore which was presumably Yeji’s did little in the way of covering you. The silky material clinging to your every curve and most likely terrible to fight in.

And oh, he hoped and prayed that a fight was not going to happen. Technically they were already breaking laws just being here and he was in no mental state to fight. He drew on Changbin’s strength more often than he’d like to admit and he needed that moment of clarity simply to face him before heading into any fight but right now he could barely look at Changbin.

He was about to let the girl he loved walk right into the lap of danger in hopes of saving his other closest friend and he didn’t even feel like he could talk to the person that was supposed to be like his brother about everything he felt.

He had always thought that there was an immense strength in being soft but right now, he hated that fact about himself. 

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○

taglist: @synnocence

(please let me know if you’d like to be on the taglist x)

Sorry about the shorter part!

 I’m writing finals so I’m taking a bit of a break for now to focus on that. I will be back in about three to four weeks <3

what are your thoughts on the chan/yn/changbin dilemma? are you rooting for changbin or hoping everything works out with chan? 

thank you for reading so far!

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Two Hundred Ninety: Across the River ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Fugaku, Uchiha Mikoto ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: River Runs Deep ] [ AO3 Link ]

(This is a sequel to days 60, 77, 140, 165, and 189!)

For what is now the third time - and what may very well be the last - Uchiha Sasuke makes his way out of the fog and jagged peaks of the northern mountains. Beside him is his father, expression taut with thought and worry. They have come from the strange god-village hidden within the range, and have news to bear to their clan.

For weeks now, the Uchiha - whose line has long produced warriors and samurai to project their lord - have been on the run, with a new enemy on their heels. With their lord and master defeated, they were declared criminals under the new ruler, and were forced to flee their homes or face extermination.

They made it through the imposing mountains that lie along the northern edge of their old lands, hoping the terrain would slow or even stop their pursuers. It was then that - in the mist - Sasuke found himself lost...and stumbled upon a strange, almost ethereal valley. There, he met a miko who claimed to speak to a god. He was released and found his way to his people, only to be forced back into the peaks to chase down a traitor. Sasuke did so...and found himself face to face with the valley’s protector. She warned him of his trespass, but was held at bay by her miko, who suggested that it was his fate to find them.

And now, after bartering with the dragon god, Sasuke has been granted passage of his clan into the valley, to fall under the spirit’s protection. Itachi, who accompanied them, has stayed behind to be tended to for his persistent illness. The only question that remains is how to convince the others not only of the truth of their travel...but that their best chance for peace and survival is to join the other lost humans - abandoned by both men and gods alike - in the strange valley between the planes.

Fugaku, Sasuke is sure, is already trying to form the argument in his mind. Though Japan was long a land of kami and faith, the bonds between man and god have faded. Not many carry the old ways with them...and convincing some of their kin may be easier said than done.

But he knows that this is their best chance. The respite they’ve gotten past the mountains cannot be guaranteed to last. There may yet be hunters on their tail, seeking them past the border. And though they have mighty warriors among them, they are few, and weary. If they are to be safe...they must hide in a place where no one will ever find them.

“Your mother is going to have my hide when she realizes we left your brother there,” Fugaku eventually mutters, breaking the silence long held between them.

“She’ll soon know why. And I think of all of us...she’s the most faith left in her heart.”

“Even so...she’ll know no peace until she sees him again.”

“I’ll keep her calm.”

“The others may think us mad.”

“It’s a risk we have to take. You know the safety we’ve found is only temporary. But this...this will be forever.”

“...I hope you are right.”

They eventually find the camp among the bluffs, and any nearby eyes lift to behold them. Questions then flood as Uchiha surround them, eager to know where the patriarch and his sons have been.

But most demanding of all is the matriarch.

“Gods, I’ve had no rest with you gone!” she declares, parting the crowds to behold them. “Shisui would tell me nothing! Only that you’d granted him rank while you went back into those accursed mountains! Fugaku, what -?” Her eyes flicker to Sasuke. “...where is Itachi?”

“...Mikoto, I -”

“Where is my son?!”

“He’s safe,” Sasuke cuts in, gently taking his mother by the shoulders. “He was too weary, and is waiting for us.”

“Waiting? Waiting where? What is going on?”

“A moment’s peace, and I will explain,” Fugaku replies, tone tinged with exasperation. “...please.”

She quiets, jaw still firm.

“...when he was separated from us during our flight over the mountains, Sasuke stumbled upon a village within a large valley. A hidden, remote place. One I believe will house us, and hide us. The...matriarch of the village has granted us passage to join them, if we wish. But on one condition. Once we settle there...we cannot leave, and take its secret with us. I realize that some of you may not be...at ease with such an idea. And I understand. Therefore...I will take those of you who wish to go with me. The rest...I will release to forge your own paths. Renounce your name if you wish, to find peace.”

“You really trust a tiny mountain village to house us?” a man asks, brow furrowed.

“The valley is large, there is room for expansion. We will have to make our own way...but it would be so wherever we go. It’s a plentiful place - Sasuke has seen much of it with his own eyes.”

“What makes it so safe? If your boy found it without intending to, what’s to stop other marauders from doing the same?”

It’s then Fugaku hesitates, looking to his son for help. It’s now or never.

Stepping forward, Sasuke draws the eyes of his kin. “...this valley is not just a place where humans dwell. Within it is a mighty river...and in that river, protecting the people, is a mizuchi. A mighty dragon spirit named O-Suigin-sama. It was she who gave me protection, and allowed me to return.”

Murmurs immediately break out. “You claim you saw a god?” “Impossible! The gods have abandoned us!” “The boy’s lost his mind!”

“I, too, saw this divine beast,” Fugaku cuts in, begetting silence. “...as did Itachi. It is with she he remains to be cured of his illness. She is a spirit of health, and life. She takes those abandoned by the world, and shelters them. Cares for them. Sasuke has persuaded her that we, too, need her protection: abandoned by our lord and left for dead. If you choose not to believe...I cannot force you. Nor will I drag you there against your will. But I believe Sasuke is right. The mountains have bought us time...but not enough. Sooner or later, our enemies will find us. And they will outnumber us. But if we make our homes in this valley, with the protection of a god...we may at last find peace, and safety. And that...is what I want for my people. For my family. For my sons.”

“...we have been given time to make a decision,” Sasuke murmurs in the pervading silence. “And I ask you use it. Don’t jump to conclusions, or act on a whim. This is our future we’re debating. You may think us mad. You’ve every right to. But I give you my word, I know what I saw. And this place...it’s everything we need. Everything we could ever want. And I wish only for my people to be safe. To no longer have to run, or fear for our lives. Our home was lost to us...but we have a chance to forge a new one. Grander, and safer than ever before. When we are ready...the god’s messengers will guide us through the peaks.”

“We barely survived making it over the first time! We’ll surely perish if we go back!” a woman speaks up, anxiously clutching her infant.

“When we were running through these mountains, we were blind and afraid, in a foreign land. But this time we will be guided, with a god’s fortune. We will not be led astray.”

Glancing to his son, Fugaku murmurs, “...take time to think. Such decisions cannot be made lightly. When a consensus is reached...those who wish to accompany us will part from those who wish to leave. And a new path will begin.”

After an uncertain pause, the clan disperses, mutterings and mumblings loud in the air. Expression almost gaunt with worry, Mikoto asks, “...is this truly the right decision?”

“We can’t run forever,” her husband rumbles lowly. “Any other village may hold a threat. But here...I believe we will be safe.”

“Sasuke, you truly saw it? This village, and the god that guards it?”

“I did.” With his tongue no longer bound by secrecy, he tells her what he saw the day he returned: the houses, the shops, the bridges across the river...the clear air, the tall trees, and the beautiful shrine on the mountaintop.

“The dragon was the most fearsome and yet...graceful creature I’ve ever beheld. And her miko is a woman with eyes that can see into the plane of the gods. An all-seeing white eye, she called it.”

“...she claimed to be a Hyūga,” Fugaku offers quietly.

At that, Mikoto’s eyes widen. “...you’re sure?”

“Who are the Hyūga?” Sasuke interjects.

“They were another samurai clan, you could call them a rival of ours. But they were scattered as we were when another lord conquered their lands several decades ago. That there are still some about is...curious,” Mikoto replies. “And yet, in a way...I can understand why they would end up in such a place.”

“There was another, a man who looked near our age. He had the same eyes…”

“They were a very spiritually-devoted family. Perhaps they really could see gods…”

“Well...you can meet her when we return,” Fugaku offers.

“...then we will really go?”

“If you agree,” he replies.

“...I want my sons to be safe,” she whispers. “For that, I will do anything, go anywhere.”

“...then we shall go. But until the others are firm in their minds, we must wait.”

“The god is really attending to Itachi?”

Sasuke nods. “The miko claimed her talents lie in healing. The camphor trees that grow all over the mountains are medicinal.”

“The kami’s influence, maybe?”

“He’s in good hands. I’ll wager he’ll be fit when we see him again,” Fugaku offers gently. “But Sasuke and I should rest - the hike is tiring.”

“Will it be safe?”

“You need to be cautious, but it’s sound enough.” With that, Sasuke’s parents head toward their tent, speaking lowly to one another.

Watching them go, Sasuke startles a hair when a weight settles on his shoulder. One of the owls gives a soft screech of greeting.

“Here to keep watch?” he asks, receiving a gentle nibble on his ear in response. “I beg your patience. This is a big decision for them...we’ve already been so uprooted. How is my brother?”

Another nibble.

“...good. I think I’ll rest. Do as you will - until we have an answer...we’ll just have to wait.”

                                                         .oOo.

     More kami verse! And more sort of...transitional stuff, my bad ^^; I thought I'd get a bit farther and have more HInata, but between some life stuff, it being late, and just...not wanting it to drag on too long, I thought I better stop where I did. NEXT TIME! lol      Trying to convince your clan that you really DID see a dragon and you're NOT crazy and that you have to go BACK into the big scary mountains iiisn't easy. Hopefully between Sasuke and his dad, they'll get at least most of their people to take their word for it and head to the valley and live happily ever after*. But at least MIkoto is on board. The rest...we'll have to see.      But yes, it's...very late, and I really need to sleep, so! Thanks for reading~

[heterowomanist]

Three Short Paragraphs

A Rev. Steph Reflection

Advent Week 2 …Peace

Odes 1[i]

When I first read this ode, the first verse slapped me in the spiritual face, and I must admit I liked it. There is no exclamation mark at the end of the sentence, but at times, I read it as if there is. And then there are times I read it as if it is said in a whisper.  What remains significant for me is that every time that I read it, I am searching for the same thing, Peace of Mind.  And the verse never fails to deliver.  It could be in the midst of pain, fear, chaos, love or joy, I always find peace when I read “The Lord is upon my head like a crown, And I will not be without him.”

 The Ode writer pivots from the declaration in verse one, to a beautiful conversation between them-self and the Lord that lets the reader know just why they refuse to be without their Lord. It is full of the things that helps one not only remember their faith, but fervently hold onto it.  In the midst of government[ii] and societal persecution[iii], as well as fighting among church leaders[iv], being able to remind one’s self that “The Crown of truth was braided for me, And caused your branches to bloom within me” can bring a spirit of peace that First Century Syrians most likely prayed for during liturgical moments.

In the midst of all the similarities that are going on in our 21st century, this Ode is a powerful reminder of the importance to take spiritual agency, and reclaim our peace.  And a reminder to find rest in the Lord that lovingly provides the validation of that peace.  There is a portion of Alice Walker’s four-part definition of Womanist that describes one as, “Committed to survival and wholeness of entire people, male and female. Not a separatist, except periodically for health.”[v]  During this Advent season, let us put our hope in holding onto our purpose without sacrificing our peace.  

 [i] Ode 1

“1 The Lord is upon my head like a crown, And I will not be without him./ 2. The crown of truth was braided for me And caused your branches to bloom within me. / 3. For it is not a barren crown that never blooms / 4. But you live upon my head And blossomed down upon me. / 5. Your fruits are full and overflowing They are full of your salvation.”

Taussig, H. (2013). A New New Tesatment. New York: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt .

 [ii] "The exclusive sovereignty of Christ clashed with Caesar's claims to his own exclusive sovereignty."[6]:87 The Roman empire practiced religious Syncretism and did not demand loyalty to one god, but they did demand preeminent loyalty to the state, and this was expected to be demonstrated through the practices of the state religion with numerous feast and festival days throughout the year.[8]:84–90[9] The nature of Christian monotheism prevented Christians from participating in anything involving 'other gods'.[10]:60 Christians did not participate in feast days or processionals or offer sacrifices or light incense to the gods; this produced hostility.[7] They refused to offer incense to the Roman emperor, and in the minds of the people, the "emperor, when viewed as a god, was ... the embodiment of the Roman empire",[11] so Christians were seen as disloyal to both.[6]:87[12]  

 Persecution of Christians in the Roman Empire (n.d.) Wikipedia Retrieved December 11, 2019 from  

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Persecution_of_Christians_in_the_Roman_Empire

 [iii]“Christianity practiced an inclusivity not found in the social caste system of Roman empire and was therefore perceived by its opponents as a "disruptive and, most significantly, a competitive menace to the traditional class/gender based order of Roman society".[13]:120–126 Gibbon argued that the seeming tendency of Christian converts to renounce their family and country and their frequent predictions of impending disasters instilled a feeling of apprehension in their pagan neighbours.[18]”

 Persecution of Christians in the Roman Empire (n.d.) Wikipedia Retrieved December 11, 2019 from  

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Persecution_of_Christians_in_the_Roman_Empire

 [iv] Peter is Opposed by Paul over the Law  -  Galatians 2:11-14

 [v] WOMANIST 1. From womanish. (Opp. of “girlish,” i.e. frivolous, irresponsible, not serious.) A black feminist or feminist of color. From the black folk expression of mothers to female children, “you acting womanish,” i.e., like a woman. Usually referring to outrageous, audacious, courageous or willful behavior. Wanting to know more and in greater depth than is considered “good” for one. Interested in grown up doings. Acting grown up. Being grown up. Interchangeable with another black folk expression: “You trying to be grown.” Responsible. In charge. Serious.

2. Also: A woman who loves other women, sexually and/or nonsexually. Appreciates and prefers women’s culture, women’s emotional flexibility (values tears as natural counterbalance of laughter), and women’s strength. Sometimes loves individual men, sexually and/or nonsexually. Committed to survival and wholeness of entire people, male and female. Not a separatist, except periodically, for health. Traditionally a universalist, as in: “Mama, why are we brown, pink, and yellow, and our cousins are white, beige and black?” Ans. “Well, you know the colored race is just like a flower garden, with every color flower represented.” Traditionally capable, as in: “Mama, I’m walking to Canada and I’m taking you and a bunch of other slaves with me.” Reply: “It wouldn’t be the first time.”

3. Loves music. Loves dance. Loves the moon. Loves the Spirit. Loves love and food and roundness. Loves struggle. Loves the Folk. Loves herself. Regardless.

4. Womanist is to feminist as purple is to lavender.

Walker, A. (1983). In Search of Our Mother's Gardens: Womanist Prose. San Diego: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich.

[tomasorban]

Mystical Qabalah: The Ayn, Vast Face, and Small Face

The Ayn The Mystical Qabalah describes the roots of the Tree of Life as an ultimate, negatively existent substratum of pure Being that is Self-conscious and all blissful. It is described as "negatively existent" in relation to the "positively-existent" four worlds of the Tree of Life. The three roots of the Tree are named: Ayn (lit. Nothing; pronounced "ai-n" as in 'nine'), Ayn Sof (lit. Without End, or Endless; pronounced "sof" as in 'sofa'), and Ayn Sof Or (lit. Endless Light, or Light of the Endless; pronounced "or" as in 'oar'). But these are only distinctions in human thought. The negatively existent Absolute Being, or shall we say "Mysterious Unknown at the Roots of All Things," alludes to a depth of consciousness beyond Name and Form, and beyond the finite and supernal aspects of the Tree of Life. Individual consciousness cannot usually sustain this experience at length. In fact, most souls do not return from the experience in the roots. Their shells of embodied existence (qlifoth) dissolve completely, and they pass from their physical sheath (i.e. die). In Qabalah, the negatively existent Absolute Being is also called the "NOT" (Heb. Lo, pronounced "lo" as in "below"). The experience of the "NOT" finds Its counterpart in every mystical tradition. The Sufis refer to the experience as fana 'l fana (fana means "extinction"). The Hindus call it nirvikalpa samadhi. The Buddhists call it nirvana, sunyata(emptiness), satori, and anuttara samyak sambodhi (full enlightenment). The Qur'an refers to the Mysterious Unknown by the same terms used in the Torah. In Arabic, the word for the NOT is "La": this is written , which is virtually identical to the Ezra letter Ayin. The shape of the Sinatic letter Ayin is also suggestive--it is a circle. Within qabalistic literature, the foundational concept of the negatively existent "NOT" is most strongly and directly portrayed in the Sifra Detzniyutha (Book of THAT Which is Concealed). The main body of the text begins: "The Book of THAT Which is Concealed is the book of the balancing in weight. Until NOT (Lo) existed as weight, NOT existed as seeing Face-to-Face. And the Earth (HaAretz) was nullified, And the Crowns of the Primordial Kings were found as NOT. Until the Head (Rosh), desired by all desires, Formed and communicated the Garments of Splendor. That weight arises from the place which is NOT Him. Those who exist as NOT are weighed in YH (Yah). In His body exists the weight. NOT unites, and NOT begins. In YH have they ascended; who NOT are, and are, and will be." The first chapter of Lao Tze's Tao-Te Ching opens with verses that address the Mysterious Unknown and Its two aspects: "1.1 The Tao that can be trodden is NOT, the enduring and unchanging Tao. The name that can be named is NOT, the enduring and unchanging name. 1.2 Conceived of as having no name, It is the originator of Heaven and Earth; conceived of as having a name, It is the Mother of all things. 1.4 Under these two aspects, It is really the same; but as development takes place, It receives the different names. Together we call them the Mystery. Where the Mystery is the deepest is the gate of all that is subtle and wonderful."

Vast Face In all mystical traditions, the "Mysterious Unknown at the Roots of All Things" is spoken of as having both inactive (impersonal) and active (personal aspects). These two aspects are called "Faces" in Qabalah. When referring to the inactive aspect, represented by the letter Ayin, the Zohar speaks of "Vast Face" (Arikh Anafin, also Arikh Afim). It is also known as Al (lit. upon), Shomer (Witness, Guardian), Atiqa (Hidden One), Supernal Israel, the Ancient of Days, and other Names found in the Sefer HaShmoth and the Torah. In the Sefer Yetzirah, the Ayin is alluded to as the "Organ of Nakedness." "Head" (Rosh), a word that occurs in the fifth line of the first verse above, is also a Name of Vast Face. Ayin means "eye," and in the Idra Rabba Qadusha it says: "This is the tradition: Were the Eye closed even for one moment, no thing could subsist. Therefore, It is called the Open Eye, the Holy Eye, the Excellent Eye, the Eye of Fate (mazal), the Eye which sleeps not nor slumbers, the Eye which is the Guardian of all things, the Eye which is the substance of all things." (Idra Rabba 136,137) Also, "And He Himself, the Most Ancient of Ancient Ones, is called Arikh Anafin, Vast Face, and He who is more external is called Ze'ir Anafin, or Small Face, in opposition to the Ancient Eternal Holy One, the Holy of Holy Ones." (Idra Rabba 54) And, "The Ancient One is hidden and concealed. Small Face is manifested and NOT manifested. The manifested is written in the letters. The NOT on its level is hidden in the letters, And He (Hu), the NOT, is settled in YH, The upper ones and the lower ones." (Sifra Detzniyutha 4) On the Tree, Vast Face is associated with the uppermost center at the crown of the head called Sefirah Crown/Above. Sefirah Crown/Above is a condition of Pure Being, a supernal station of superconsciousness that witnesses the singular modification "I AM" or simply "I." Even this singular modification disappears in the negatively existent roots of the Tree. The Sefer Yetzirah teaches that the spheres (Sefiroth) of the Tree emanate in pairs. Sefirah Crown/Above emanates with its polar opposite Sefirah Foundation/Below. The tension between these two Sefiroth manifests the descent of the Central Column of the Tree. The unmanifest Pure Being of Vast Face in Sefirah Crown/Above is reflected in the abysmal mirror of Sefirah Foundation/Below as veils of illusion appearing as planes of existence (see Diagram). These planes are unmanifest in the most sublime World of Atziluth (Emanation). The attributes of the Ayn are reflected in this mirror as the immense I-ness of Small Face as the Creator, Sustainer, and Destroyer of the universe. These attributes appear as finite in the consciousness of the embodied soul ensnared in the illusion of separation. The energy of consciousness of Small Face manifests the planes of existence in the lower three worlds of B'riyah (Creation), Yetzirah (Formation), and Asiyah (Making, Activity). Like Sefiroth Crown/Above and Foundation/Below, the two central Sefiroth Knowledge/First and Beauty/Last emanate as a pair, and represent two opposite stations in the consciousness of this Small Face I-ness. When the immense I-ness is centered in Sefirah Knowledge/First, It has the singular awareness that "I am Nothing;" when centered in Sefirah Beauty/Last that "I am All." The composition of the Tree and the four worlds are discussed in other pages of this site.

Small Face When referring to the active aspect of the NOT (Lo), the Zohar speaks of "Small Face" (Ze'ir Anafin, also Ze'ir Afim), represented by the letter Alef. Small Face is the power of the Ayn to superimpose billions of illusory universes (and their apparent sustenance and dissolution over time) upon the Vast Face of the Deep. The generation of universes is brought about by the balanced tension between Vast and Small Face, or between the Ayin and the manifest Alef of Unity. In the Sifra Detzniyutha, this tension in the Tree is called "weight" and the "balancing in weight." The relationship between Vast and Small Face is depicted in the Tree of Life ( see Diagram). Some of the most important Names of Small Face are YHVH , El (pronounced "ale," opposite of Lo), and Adonai (Lord, Master). Each universe has its own Small Face who-like a dreamer who knows he/she is dreaming-creates, sustains, and dissolves the Creation moment by moment by moment. Our sense of time is formed by our imperfect perception of the higher planes of existence. Our hopes for the future and our memories of a past (also created, sustained, and dissolved moment by moment) instill the impression that time is onflowing. To access the consciousness of Vast Face, one must renounce Small Face (in whose dream you are a creature) for release from the dream universe. Hence, it is "only through the Son (Small Face) that one can know the Father (Vast Face)."

Relationship Between Small and Vast Face in the Tree of Life The Small Face Alef is known as the "manifest Alef of Unity." Qabalists (and Sufis and Tantrikas) take the allusion of the alphabet quite literally, and see the universe as built from combinations and permutations of the letters that emanate from and return to the Alef of Unity. In Sanskrit, the Alef of Unity is called the Omkara . The Alef a of Unity/Omkara has unmanifest (Vast Face) and manifest (Small Face) aspects. As it is written: "By the First It created Elohim Eth (i.e. the twenty-two Hebrew letters in the Upper Worlds) the Heavens and VuhEth (i.e. the twenty-two letters in the Lower Worlds) the Earth." (Torah B'reshith 1:1)

In its unmanifest, inactive aspect in the roots of the Tree, the Alef a of Unity/Omkara is the undifferentiated source from which emanate the supernal Hebrew/Sanskrit letters in the uppermost center of the Tree of Life (Sefirah Crown/Above). At this point, the unmanifest letters stand alone and have not combined into Names. The letters vibrationally differentiate when the Alef of Unity becomes manifest in the throat Sefirah Knowledge/First. Each letter bears a characteristic root vibration or seed sound (Sans. bija). The Alef of Unity/Omkara is therefore called the "Seed of Seeds" (Bija of Bijas). Vocalization of the seed sounds is enabled by the vowels in the throat Sefirah Knowledge/First. The vowels also empower the undifferentiated Names in the supernal Sefirah Wisdom/East to become manifest with a characteristic vibrational signature in the World of Creation (see Diagram). The Sinatic Alef is written by scribing the vertical line first (Central Column), from the top point (Sefirah Crown/Above) downwards. Then the horizontal line is scribed from right to left (Column of the Right). Finally, the diagonal line is drawn from the left end-point of the horizontal line upward to the right across the vertical stroke (Column of the Left). The Columns of the Left and Right are opposite reflections in the clear mirror of the Central Column. In the Etz HaChayyim (Tree of Life), the vertical stroke is called the Line of Light (Kav). The Alif in Arabic uses only this vertical stroke, reflected in the principal Working Tree in the Sufi tradition that only uses the Central Column. The Cross is the Christian Alef +, with the diagonal stroke of the Column of the Left removed.

Evolution of the Alef of Unity The second line of the first verse of the Sifra Detzniyutha (Book of THAT Which is Concealed) says, "Until NOT (Lo) existed as weight, NOT existed as seeing Face-to-Face." This is the condition where Small Face is turned toward Vast Face and therefore is not active in manifesting a universe. We find this condition further described: "And when Ze'ir Anafin looks back upon Him (Arikh Anafin), all the inferiors are restored in order, and His Countenance is extended and made more vast at that time. But not for all time is it vast like unto the countenance of the More Ancient One." (Idra Rabba 55) The "weight" referred to in the first verse of the Sifra Detzniyutha is the single combination of all the Sefiroth on the Tree. Weights are the individual Sefirah. The Primordial Kings allude to the unmanifest "Alef Worlds" or witness states of Vast Face in Sefirah Crown/Above. The "Crowns of the Primordial Kings" are the Sefiroth in the supernal World of Atziluth (Emanation), and the "Garments of Splendor" are the manifest Sefiroth in the successive three worlds. In the Torah, "Earth" (Aretz) is a synonym for the Sefirah Malkuth/Kingdom. Hence, the phrase "And the Earth was nullified" infers that matter was absorbed and disappeared. The Sifra Detzniyutha, and in smaller measure the Idra Rabba Qadusha (Greater Holy Assembly) and Idra Zuta Qadusha (Lesser Holy Assembly), also contain some wonderful verses pertaining to the allusions of the "beards" of the two Faces. The hairs of the beards are the Atziluthic letters convoluting into Divine Names in the World of Creation. The beards are said to each have nine formations i.e. strands manifest in Small Face, with four more inside the Skull of Vast Face as the Hidden Brain. The strands of the Names of Vast Face (see Diagram) generally convolute to the Atziluthic letter Ayin, and those of Small Face (see Diagram), to the Atziluthic letter Alef. "The Beard of Faith, NOT (al), is mentioned because it is the most precious of all. It egresses from the ears round about the face, The white locks [strands of Names] ascending and descending, Separating into thirteen of that most splendid of splendors." (Sifra Detzniyutha 2) "The formations of the Beard are found to be thirteen, That is the upper one [Vast Face]. In the lower one [Small Face] they are beheld in nine." (Sifra Detzniyutha 3) "Each hair is said to be the breaking of the hidden fountains that issue forth from the Hidden Brain [Vast Face]." (Idra Rabba 74) "And all those threads [i.e. convoluting Names] go out from the Hidden Brain and are disposed in the weights [i.e. Sefiroth]." (Idra Zuta 63)

Conclusion In speaking of two "Faces," it must always be remembered that we are talking about an absolute unity that is only differentiated by human thought, and can only be directly experienced in higher states of consciousness. Generally, mystical traditions are very fluid and flexible in assigning gender to Vast and Small Face. In most mystical traditions, both Vast and Small Face can take either the masculine or the feminine gender. Within a particular tradition, one may find Vast Face referred to in the masculine and Small Face in the feminine, and/or vice versa. The two Faces may also be both masculine or both feminine. In the Qabalah, for instance, we find many references to the white-haired ancient father and the raven-haired youthful king. We also find the ancient mother and the maiden Shekhinah. In virtually all traditions, we can also find many impersonal names and references to Vast Face that are neither masculine nor feminine. However, Small Face, as the active principle, is always named and referred to personally as masculine and feminine. It is cogent to note that the Torah commands us to "Honor thy father and thy mother." While this is commonly understood to refer to one's earthly parents, its higher meaning enjoins us to honor our Divine Father and Mother. The great and beloved nineteenth century Bengali saint Sri Ramakrishna Paramahamsa offered several useful analogies to the relation between Vast and Small Face (static and active aspects of the Divine). These included the relation between milk and its whiteness, a gem and its sparkle, a flame and its power to burn, and the Sun and its rays. An old Vedic analogy compares God to a spider that spins a web from and retrieves it back into its own body. An analogy in Qabalah cites the relationship between the letters of the alphabet and the vowels: without the vowels (active aspect), the letters (inactive aspect) cannot be pronounced. In the Tantra, it is said that "without the vowels, Shiva's bones can't dance." Another analogy that illustrates the nature and relation of the two Faces is presented in the parable of the rope and the snake: "A man was walking down a road in the country at dusk. Just as he turned a corner, he encountered what appeared to be a large snake. His whole body gripped with fear, and without thought, he jumped back to avoid getting bitten. As he looked at the snake, he noticed that it wasn't moving. He picked up a rock and threw it at the snake, and still the snake didn't move. He thought, 'Perhaps the snake is dead.' This thought diminished his fear, and he inched closer to the snake to get a better look. As he neared the snake, he was amazed and relieved to find out that it wasn't in fact a snake at all: it was a rope that he mistook for a snake." In this story, there had to be a rope in the first place for the man to have mistaken it for a snake. The "snakiness" was a superimposition upon the rope that only existed in the man's mind. Such is the nature of the Creation, which is a collective illusion. The "snakiness" of Small Face is an illusion superimposed upon the reality of the "rope" of Vast Face. This illusion of a "difference within Itself" is a play of the Divine arising from an unfathomable whim.

[real-life-pine-tree]

Into the Arcverse: My Name is Yuan (1/?)

Yuan Amaya just wanted to hide away from public eye, but fate had other plans. Based on Spiderman: Into the Spider-Verse.

Celebrity Duelists: the biggest trend in the entire dueling community. Originating in Den City, these Duelists use flashy avatars in Link V.R.A.I.N.S. (short for Virtual Reality Artificial Intelligence Network System) to take part in special duels that are broadcasted for everyone to see. Like regular celebrities, they also take part in sponsorships and charity events, with some of them opening their own business lines, like The Gore's comic series and Blue Angel's Christmas album.

But not anyone can become Celebrity Duelists. In order to reach that status, Duelists need money and/or good connections. Obtaining that worldwide recognition was key, as not every Duelist can become a celebrity. You couldn't just whip up a dueling video and wish for a sponsor to see it. You needed hard work to establish a name in the network system. But who knows? Maybe there's someone out there just waiting to be recognized...

It seemed like any other morning in Den City. The sun rising over the horizon to shine its rays all over town and through the white, cumulus clouds scattered across the sky, the birds chirping their harmonic melodies wherever they go, the citizens getting ready for work, heading to school, or preparing for a fun event in Link V.R.A.I.N.S. Whatever it may be, there was always something for everyone to do, especially for a particular someone.

As the sun’s rays penetrated through a glass window of an apartment, a teenage boy was sitting on his chair, already busy with a personal project of his… Well, “project” is an overstatement. A pencil was held firmly in his right hand as he made swift movements with it over a sheet of paper. Vibrant strokes conjugated with one another, the gripped pencil danced in specific motions to create more light strokes on the paper. Sometimes, his fingers would flick his utensil around to use a slightly worn-down eraser to fix any minor mistakes. The more lines, curves, and shapes produced from the graphite, the closer the boy gets to completing an image he has in his head…and it always brings a warm, soft smile to his face.

His dark blue eyes usually stayed glued to the paper on his desk, but they would occasionally wander around his bedroom whenever he is seeking any inspiration or finding himself a little lost in the music he is listening to for some motivation. For this morning, a pair of earbuds rested on his ears—which were tucking strands of his spiky, black-dyed hair—as he hummed softly to a recently new song performed by BAND-MAID. So far, he has been getting a hang of the choruses and a bit of the bridges, but the rest of the lyrics were more challenging. Even so, he still enjoyed the catchy rhythm it carries and knew this song was a great addition to his playlist.

A sigh slid out from his mouth as he stared in the vicinity of his workspace, but the sound of the tone was far from disappointment. He took great enjoyment in this hobby, specifically the infinite possibilities of drawing. No matter what time of day it is, it was like heaven for him. A nice, relaxing haven where he could find the space he needs to create whatever is on his mind. A well-deserved break he always takes from the world to express himself. To Yuan Amaya, this was his happiness.

"The whole wide world," Yuan quietly sung. "Will voice their true feelings."

"Yuan!"

"How many times have you repainted your life's story with 'only glory'?"

"Yuan!"

"The whole wide world defy the deepest deep."

"Yuan!"

"Enjoy all unexpected things over and ov-"

"Yuan!"

Realizing his parents were calling out to him, Yuan ripped out an earbud. "What is it?" he called back.

"Did you remember to pack for school?" Mr. Amaya asked.

But one glance at an empty suitcase said it all. "Crap..." Yuan sighed.

He quickly got up from his chair and started putting everything away. He put his pencil back into his silver-white pencil bag and slid his unfinished sketch into his folder of some of his other drawings, which lied on top of his sketchpad. He then packed his art materials into his suitcase before rushing to get dressed. Tossing his navy blue shirt with golden yellow lines near the end of each sleeve and light gray pants on his bed, Yuan grabbed his school uniform out of his closet and rushed to get changed into them. It consisted of a slate-colored jacket with a light blue trim, a white, button-up shirt, a blue tie, black pants, and a pair of grayish-blue and dark gray sneakers with white trims near the bottom.

Grabbing his suitcase, Yuan left his room. "Where's my deck?" he asked his parents.

"Still in the living room," Mrs. Amaya answered. "But wouldn't it be easier to get the newer Duel Disk model?"

"I would rather not," Yuan admitted as he walked to the living room. "Everyone's going digital. I feel more comfortable using physical cards." He picked up his Weather Painter deck and put it in his Duel Disk. "No matter what the others say..."

Mr. Amaya noticed his son's nervous expression. "I get that you're at the age of walking to school by yourself, but would it be alright if I drive you-"

"Thanks dad," Yuan quickly replied. "I would appreciate it."

His father was rather surprised at the quick response, but he still gave a warm smile to his son nonetheless. Without a second to waste, the family departed from their apartment room and made their way out of the building, where Yuan said his goodbyes for the day to his mother on the staircase before meeting up with his dad in his car. The current model they own is controlled by an A.I. much like the taxis of Den City; lately, there have been updates getting installed in their programing to help decrease the risk of the A.I.s malfunctioning and causing any accidents, a move that Yuan admittedly thought was smart.

Once the duo got into the front seats of automobile, Mr. Amaya activated the A.I. through voice command and instructed it to had it go to Den City High School. The vehicle then pulled out of its parking space and made its way onto the road to embark on its voyage. While driving through the suburbs, Yuan asked if there was anything interesting he could listen to on the radio, but before his dad could answer, the A.I. picked up his question and responded by tuning to a radio station that was currently doing brief news reports, with one of them being about recent activity going on in Link V.R.A.I.N.S. They have heard rumors starting to go around regarding this, and right as the car went by the downtown area, those rumors were proven true. From the windows and windshield, they could see a lot of the skyscrapers’ TV screens were plastered with live coverage on this developing story, including one from Good Morning Link V.R.A.I.N.S.

"Welcome to another installment of Link Facts," a familiar talking frog announced. "I'm your host, J.W. Frog. As you're all aware of, there's been talk about this mysterious Celebrity Duelist known as 'Striker' goin' around. From what my rookie reporters gathered, he claims to be some new-fangled reporter who claims Sol Technologies is covering an incident that took place ten years ago. But can we really trust this guy? No one's got a glimpse of him, not even the kind of deck he uses. So how can we believe him when he's got no proof?"

A nearby phone rang. "And it looks like we have our first caller," Frog noticed. He pressed a button on his desk. "Hello, you have reached Link Facts. How may I help you?"

"This is Ghost Gal of CyberTech Sector," a young woman spoke up.

That surprised Frog. "M-My goodness, it's an honor to have you on my show," he replied. "What brings you here?"

"I noticed you've been saying things about Striker," Ghost Gal answered. "What makes you think you know everything about him? You ever thought he could be doing us a favor?"

"I'm sorry, m'am, but without definitive proof, we can't really tell what he’s like,” Frog explained.

"So your first thought is to say he's not trustworthy?" Ghost Gal assumed. "What if something did happen ten years ago and the folks at Sol Technologies are the ones acting shady?"

"That is a possibility," Frog admitted.

"Then I would appreciate it if you say that instead of making one-way accusations," Ghost Gal suggested, then she hung up.

"Well that was a sure-fire way to start things off," Frog remarked. "But that's why I need you viewers. If anyone has proof of who Striker is, whether it's pictures or videos, send them to me at jwfrog@linkfacts.com. Now in other news, The Gore has recently announced an upcoming charity duel..."

"J.W. Frog might be right," Mr. Amaya pointed out. "We really don't know much about Striker. He could be making up this 'Sol Technologies coverup' for attention."

"Maybe..." Yuan muttered, still thinking about that news report.

The traffic light changed from red to green, and while the car picked up some speed to continue driving, Yuan dove into some important aspects of what they witnessed. J.W. Frog brought up a valid point regarding these stories; unless it is for attention, it is always important to find definitive proof of the claim someone is trying to make. But maybe there could be another factor at play. What if Striker has been gathering proof and he’s just waiting for the right time to share it to the public? It could be a possibility.

Yuan knew he shouldn’t second guess himself like that yet he couldn’t help it because he just so happens to be a fan of Striker himself. He has heard about how this mysterious Duelist became a celebrity due to his nightly mission to expose Sol Technologies. Speaking of which, it was astonishing to have someone like Ghost Gal from CyberTech Sector call during a news report to give her input. She has also got a reputation herself for being a co-founder of this organization with well-renounced hacking abilities and shares a common goal with the other members: protecting Link V.R.A.I.N.S. from criminal hackers. As astounding as it is by itself, why would Ghost Gal suddenly chime in like that to have J.W. Frog say proof is needed? Is this so-called “Sol Technologies coverup” really that important?

"You're a fan of Striker, aren't you?" Mr. Amaya asked. "What do you think about this news about him?"

Yuan remained silent. "Not really in a talking mood?" Mr. Amaya guessed.

"Eh..." Yuan muttered with a shrug. "I'd rather keep an open mind. I've been following fansites for a while, but they all say the same thing. Everyone's obsessed with figuring out Striker's identity. Wouldn't it be easier to leave him alone? And what's going to happen when we finally figure out who he is? It sounds like he mostly became famous because of his unknown status."

"It wouldn't hurt to ask," Mr. Amaya pointed out. "Your mother and I know you made an account, but did you even try to log in? It wouldn't hurt to give it a try."

"No thanks," Yuan replied. "You know how hard it is for me to make friends-"

"Hey, Yuan!"

Outside the window, the two could see a teenager running towards their car. He had a chubby figure with dark green, shoulder-length hair that’s pushed back and left a small cowlick on the front, olive green eyes, and thick, hooked eyebrows of the same dark green color. For his attire, he wore the standard Den City High School male uniform except the jacket sleeves are rolled up to his upper arms and he wore scarlet sneakers with a light yellow coloring on the tongue of the sneakers and a thick, gray strap on each shoe. They both recognized him as Naoki Shima and Yuan was glad to see him; after all, they have been best friends ever since they were both children.

"Hey, uh...can you drop me off here?" Yuan asked his dad.

Mr. Amaya sighed. "Alright," he answered. He spoke into the steering wheel. "Stop driving."

At that moment, the car steered towards a crosswalk and stopped, allowing Yuan to get his suitcase. "Have a good day at school," Mr. Amaya said. "Love you."

"Thanks," Yuan replied as he got out of the car. "And I know."

He shut the door behind him and began to run up to Naoki. Just then, a honk briefly blared from the car horn, startling Yuan and stopping him in his tracks. He turned around to see his father rolling down the car window to say something to his son. "You have to say 'I love you' back," he explained.

"What?!" Yuan asked.

"I'm not leaving until you say it," Mr. Amaya insisted.

Yuan groaned as he face-palmed. "Fine..." he said. "I love you, dad."

Mr. Amaya chuckled slightly. "See?" he asked. "That wasn't hard."

As Mr. Amaya started the car up and it drove off, Naoki muffled a laugh. "What, doesn't your grandmother embarrass you in public?" Yuan asked.

"Pfft... Nah," Naoki answered. "Though I don't get why the other students tease me when she drops off my boxed lunches."

Yuan rolled his eyes as he sighed. He should’ve expected something like that from Naoki by now given how long they’ve known each other. For instance, one of the best memories they shared was back when they were children and they had gotten into Duel Monsters; unfortunately, uncertainty would always surface regarding what the actual rules were, so they decided to make up their own rules. They even recorded those rules into their own notebook copies and entitled them “The Official Dueling Guidebook”. Even after all these years, they still have their guidebooks in their bedrooms although they have been showing some signs of wear and tear. Even so, past and present moments with his best friend was another common occurrence that meant a whole lot for Yuan.

"So Yuan, have you thought about joining a club?" Naoki asked as the two walked to school.

"I have," Yuan answered. "Do you think the art club is still accepting members?"

"Probably," Naoki answered with a shrug. "But have you thought about joining the dueling club? I'm practically one of the club's best Duelist."

"Best Duelist, huh?" Yuan repeated. "What, did you bribe a bunch of newbies with the promise of free cookies?"

"Haha, very funny," Naoki dully said.

"I'm serious," Yuan clarified. "Den City High School mostly focuses on academics. We're the only Duelists who attend."

"Yeah, well turns out you're wrong," Naoki clarified. "I hung a flyer on the bulletin board and I got a bunch of people interested. Not sure if they played the game before, but it's still something. So whaddya say? You interested in stopping by after school?"

Yuan smiled. "How can I say no to my best friend?" he asked in response. "But I hope you didn't tell these supposed newbies Link monsters are invulnerable to everything."

Later that afternoon, once classes were finished, Yuan met up with Naoki in the hallway where the latter’s last class was. He followed him out of the building and through the school grounds, weaving through a few groups of students as they were all heading to their clubs or extracurricular activities. In only about a minute or two, they reached the front doors of another facility on the campus, where Naoki explained the Duel Club is located on the first floor. He led Yuan through the doors until they were both in the main entrance. He then bolted through a hallway on his left, leaving his friend to run after him; to this day, he hasn’t been able to deduce how someone like him can run so fast, so he would assume it probably has to do with his eccentric, passionate personality.

Fortunately, he managed to catch up to Naoki, and after turning a couple corners, they both reached a doorway in an empty hall. Outside the door, there was a sign that says “Duel Club” on it, marking the intended destination of Yuan and the other newcomers’ first day there.

"So this is the place?" Yuan asked.

Naoki nodded in response. "And don't worry, everyone's nice. You'll get along just fine."

"Right..." Yuan muttered. He slowly reached for the doorknob. "So I have to...just go in, right?" He took a deep breath. "That's all I have to do..."

"Geez, it's not that hard!" Naoki exclaimed. "But if you're too chicken, allow me to give you a push."

With a single yet strong push, Yuan found himself opening the door and stumbling into the Duel Club. He tried to maintain his composure after his not-so graceful entrance, but he was too distracted by the sight of the other club members, which contained a healthy gender ratio. Among the females were a young teenage girl with a brunette, bobcut hairstyle and hazel eyes, a blonde-haired woman with magenta-red eyes and glasses, and a purple-eyed girl who had her wavy, ginger hair in a headband and left two, light orange side tails on the front. As for the males, there were a gray-haired boy who wore chartreuse glasses over his black eyes, a spectacled young man with his eyes shut, his teal hair kept in a single spike, and considerably chubbier than Naoki, a straight, brown-haired man with a lean figure, and a short, teenage boy with gray eyes and kept his dark burgundy hair in a ponytail.

Realizing everyone was staring at him, Yuan stumbled over his words. "H-Hi..." he stammered, averting his eyes towards the ground. "Does anyone like bowling...?"

The blonde woman snickered. "Wow Shima, where'd you get this noob?"

"I'll have you know Yuan Amaya's been my best bud for years!" Naoki defended.

"Yeah right," the blonde woman scoffed with an eye-roll. She glared daggers at Yuan. "Did your so-called buddy pay you to be his friend?"

Yuan swallowed hard. "Uh... Well..."

"Quit mocking the newcomer," the ginger-haired girl defended. She smiled at Yuan. "Sorry about June. She always acts like that with everyone."

"Only because someone acted like a huge show-off and turned out to be a dueling fraud," the blonde woman, apparently June, snapped. "Good thing I'm the vice president or our club would go nowhere thanks to our president's cruddy leadership."

She was referring to the gray-haired boy, who was somewhat annoyed by her insulting him like that, but it was the least of his concerns at this point. What matters right now was to introduce themselves to Yuan because a lot of the members were always keen on getting to know the newcomers. He introduced him as Hosoda and confirmed that he was indeed the president of the Duel Club. The young, teal-haired man was known as Sato and the ponytailed boy was known as Tanaka, who were both second-year students. The brown-haired boy chimed in to acquaint Yuan that he is a freshman named Suzuki. The ginger-haired girl identified herself as Hannah while the brunette woman politely addressed herself as Skye. Though Yuan had an idea on who June is, the latter reluctantly gave her introductions.

"I'm June Mori," the blonde woman sighed. "And like I said before, I'm the club's vice president." She held out her hand. "Now fork over your deck for inspection."

"W-What...?" Yuan stammered.

"Don't mind June," Naoki explained. "She does this to all new club members."

"Only to see if you're worthy of being in the club," June coldly added. "Now hand it over."

"Uh...o-okay..." Yuan muttered, slowly taking out his Weather Painter deck.

Taking his deck from his hand, June expanded it out to examine the cards he has. So far, everything seemed pretty normal, much to her disappointment; it’s not because his deck was useless. It was far from it. She could tell the Weather Painter archetype all contained some beneficial effects of every card type. After all, a core belief that Hosoda made an official rule for the club was how there is no such thing as a useless card, only useless Duelists who don’t see their worth. As she was wrapping up her deck inspection, she spotted a card coated in a hexagonal pattern of dark and light blues. Her mouth barely moved, but it left an opening between her jaws big enough for it to be noticeable, prompting a nearly audible gasp to escape. On top of that, her eyebrows slightly rose at what she manage to catch a glance of.

Was it a dream? No, it couldn’t be. The image, the stats, the direction of where the arrows were pointing, the monster’s name. She recognized it all. Had she finally found it? The card she has been looking for?

"What's wrong, June?" Hosoda asked. "Did you see something?"

June responded by shoving the deck back into Yuan's hand. "Everyone, start rearranging the tables," she ordered. "We're dueling right here, right now."

"Now hold on!" Naoki defended. "You can't ask Yuan to duel!"

"But I just did," June bluntly pointed out. "His deck intrigues me. I want to see it in action."

Yuan wasn't sure how to respond. "Uh..."

Seeing his friend in distress, Naoki leaned close to him. "You okay, buddy?" he asked.

"H-How did you drag me into this..." Yuan muttered. "You know neither one of us can actually duel..."

"Relax, you got this," Naoki encouraged. "June uses a cheap starter deck. Your Weather Painters can easily defeat her."

"You sure you're not saying this to cheer me up?" Yuan guessed.

"Of course not," Naoki answered. He gave Yuan a pat on the back. "Now go on, you've got this."

Taking a deep breath, Yuan stepped forward. "I-I-I..." he stammered.

"Yes?" June asked.

"I accept your challenge!" Yuan nervously blurted out.

June smirked. "Glad to see you're not chicken," she said, strapping on her Duel Disk. "So listen up: if you can defeat me, I'll let you join. No second chances. Got it, noob?"

"Y-Yes!" Yuan exclaimed.

"Good," June said. "I'd wish you luck, but I doubt you'll need it."

[ofaphrvdite]

silence ! raise the royal standard, for the knight from ireland, ELI DARCY, has arrived. being 32 years old, he is out of line to the throne. many around the court call him the mender, by virtue of her being valiant and pragmatic, while also being reticent and sombre.  — played by richard madden.

- THE BASICS.

full name: eli patrick darcy name meaning: eli ‘ascended, uplifted, high’, patrick ‘noble’ known in history as: the wandering knight date of birth:  march 19th, 1986/1633  age: thirty two star sign: pisces profession: veteran, now human rights lawyer (modern verse) / knight, kitchen worker (royal verse) loyalty: ireland, house darcy, belgium, house van leuven, the entente alignment: lawful good mbti: infj spoken languages: irish, english, dutch (beginner)  mother’s name: georgina darcy nee. o’ferrall (deceased in modern verse) father’s name: hugh darcy (deceased in modern and royal verse) siblings, if any: robert darcy (30), andrew darcy (27), aine darcy (25), domnall darcy (25). all deceased in royal verse. height: 5’10” hair colour: reddish brown eye colour: blue

- BACKSTORY / MODERN VERSE.

born in kildare, ireland, eli grew up in a loving home. they weren’t the richest of families and with five mouths to feed they certainly had a lot on their plate. it was no small feat then that they managed to get all five through school with relatively no drama under the salaries of a primary school teacher and veteran.

growing up, the soft hearted eli wanted to make a difference. he just didn’t know how. he’d seen so much inequality, even in his own small town, and as he grew older his dreams came to a realisation. during sixth form his law professor urged him to follow it on to the next stage. he worked incredibly hard for the next year and came out with aab in his a-levels. not what he needed, but the prestigious university of glasgow took his background into account and with a glowing reference from his teacher, was offered a place to study common law.

he was two years into his studies, just twenty, and about to go onto his honours. having the time of his life, making friends, learning to come out of his shell, feeling like he’d found his place. and then tragedy struck. 

the phonecall came during freshers week, and it was one that set him on a course that would change his entire life. the news that his parents had passed away in a fatal car accident. his mother dead on scene, his father only minutes later in the ambulance. and there was absolutely nothing anyone could have done.

he tried, god he tried, to carry on as normal. to do his parents proud and be the first darcy to graduate from university, to chase his dream of doing good. but the young man was crumbling from the inside, and it was only a matter of time before the inevitable happened and he finally snapped.

for two whole weeks of no more than twelve hours sleep total, withdrawing from all his friends or generally behaving intolerantly, missing lectures and sinking into a pit of helplessness, eli finally broke down in the middle of a lecture. ask him about it and he can’t recall a single thing but in the weeks that followed, the decision was made that he should put his studies on hold. take some time out to grieve and return the following year to pick up where he left off. except, that didn’t happen.

returning home a failure, eli spent six months at home doing nothing but going to and from a little part time job at tescos. couldn’t handle much more than that. with his younger siblings now living with his grandparents, there was no cause or motivation to do much else. university seemed to be a dream that slipped further away with each passing week and by easter he’d come to the conclusion that it was time to move on. and so he enlisted in the army, followed in his father’s footsteps ( something he had never wanted for his son ) and was deployed with his troop to iraq in 2007. 

for three years, he barely returned home. when he hadn’t been deployed, he was asking for postings to other bases int he meantime. in between his second and third tour he spent the time training to be promoted to a command position. which led to the third and final tour, the longest of them all. and the one that ended in tragedy. the second life altering event the now twenty four year old would face.

he was due for leave, and the final mission assigned was an easy one. he was to take command in leading a top dignitary to the airport after their visit to the base, with the protection of three other soldiers. and, as it would just so happen, his best friends. what should have been a simple move, was flipped on his head. no sooner had he noted that something was off, than the truck carrying them all was flipped onto it’s back by a crudely made land mine. the dignitary and two of his men were killed in the explosion alone. eli could do nothing but watch as his friends burnt in the wreckage despite doing all he could to pull them out. and then the shooting started.

on reflection it had clearly been an ambush, set up to ensure none of them came away alive. eli had been the lone survivor, hanging by a thread when the medics finally found him, though he’d begged them all to just leave. let him die. 

he of course blamed himself, and was no where near fit to return to active duty. he was sent home, and honourably discharged from the army, never to be sent on active duty again. he’d been through too much, saddled with far too much trauma, he needed to rest now. to integrate himself back home and heal. but he would hear none of it. in his time of need he felt that his home had abandoned him, despite his pleas to return and redeem himself. they insisted there was nothing to redeem, that he’d served his country honourably, even attempted to bestow him with medals. all of which he rejected. he returned to ireland more broken than when he had entered. 

he spent the rest of that year and half of the next attending therapy sessions he’d been forced into by his grandparents. but they began to hit home, and slowly but surely he rebuilt. allowed himself to make small steps into his new life, whatever form that may take.

eli eventually re-enrolled on his course in september 2011, with a letter from his former general that allowed him to pick up where he left off. he finally accepted the conspicuous gallantry cross, and allowed himself to grieve properly for the losses he faced that day. five years on, eli was finally a practising barrister and had been accepted at a prestigious firm that specialised in human rights cases where he has been working ever since.

his life had been a quiet one in london, in many ways sleeping his way through it. doing nothing but working and returning home until he quite literally bumped into charlotte and it was her who finally woke him up. he’s happy in his relationship now, happier than he’s been in years, and is glad to help look after celeste and get his hands dirty in the rest of the chaotic life he’s found himself wrapped up in. he’s by no means perfect, his ptsd still wreaks havoc and there are days he still feels like he’s there. relieving that day every night in his sleep, over and over again. but he’s getting there, with charlotte’s help, and is taking things day by day.

- BACKSTORY / ROYAL VERSE.

from a very young age, eli had set his mind to becoming a knight. stories told to him by his mother at bedtime of valiant men, saving the day and helping others only furthered his desire to do the same, to put the morals instilled in him by his catholic parents to good use. and at seven years old, eli was taken on as a page and was sent away from home for the first time.

whilst he was still in training as a squire, just sixteen, the rebellion broke out and for years life was fraught. though there were years of triumph as the catholics pushed back and for a while ruled themselves. and in 1946, eli was knighted at twenty one years old. where he returned home and began his new duties and helped to provide for his parents and siblings. he married and was eager to start a family, until the english conquest came and left death and famine in irelands wake. a third of their population dead by the time dust would settle. 

it was during this time that tragedy stole more than the lives of those he loved most, but life as he had come to know it. his father and all three of his brothers were killed during a battle in their town. and his wife was claimed by plague, and famine taking his sister. though he didn’t die, there was a large chance that he would be taken as a prisoner of war and deported far away. the only chance for his survival was to flee to a europe where he might at least receive tolerance. 

and so, eli was forced to leave his only surviving relative, his mother, behind. though she converted to catholicism when she married, she still had protestant family who she could take refuge with and so she renounced her faith and eli never saw his mother again. for both their safety.

as a refugee, eli travelled through europe and survived through odd jobs as he went. the dreams of being a knight left tarnished, and now his only hope was to survive. though he had very little motivation now to do so.

eventually, exhausted and starved, eli sought refuge in belgium and it was here that the princess herself fought to take him in. though her brother, the king, had not been difficult to sway. eli offered himself wherever they saw him fit, he would not complain nor put up a fuss. after making a case for the kitchens, he was placed under the head cooks care and it is here he has remained ever since.

though he no longer puts his true skills to good use, he hopes that one day he might attempt to rebuild a semblance of a life again. to pick up a sword, to fight for the country that saved him perhaps. for now he tells himself that this is better than he perhaps deserved when the rest of his family had perished or gone. the kitchens are fine work, and he offers help in the stables too when it’s needed for he had learnt plenty back home about horses in his past life. he still feels he owes his life to the van leuvans, and to princess charlotte in particular. if he had a sword, he’d pledge himself to her on the spot. but for now he simply admires from a distance, far too melancholy and ashamed to do much more.

[jagadeeshkrishnan]

[26/08, 10:10 PM] 98 41 121780: Awesome Without Allah: Why These Muslims Are Leaving Islam And Are Proud Of It

How a North American group is building public support for those who seek to leave, or have left, the Muslim faith.

For the past few days, the hashtag #AwesomeWithoutAllah is trending on Twitter. Ex-Muslims across the world are celebrating leaving Islam and sharing with ‘twitterati’ their happiness on being free from the shackles of Sharia and acquiring newfound freedoms which they could only imagine before.

Ex-Muslims of North America (EXMNA), a non-profit organisation, is spearheading this campaign online as well as offline. It has put up billboards at various public places. “Nearly one in four Muslims raised in the United States have left Islam,” reads one. “Godless. Fearless. Ex-Muslim,” it adds.

One of the goals of EXMNA is to reduce discrimination faced by those who leave Islam. It promotes secular values and is working towards making religious dissent acceptable. The initiative was founded in 2012 by Muhammad Syed, a human rights activist.

Islam is a one-way street as far as its affiliation is concerned. It allows, no, insists, on converting people of other faiths. But no one can leave it for the punishment decreed by Sharia (Islamic law), for apostasy is death.

And killing someone for leaving Islam is not a mere disturbing theory. It is regularly enforced across the Muslim world and that includes even the Western nations where Sharia is not the law. Where the state is not Islamic, zealous Muslims take it upon themselves to punish those who ‘stray’ from the path of Allah. Last week, two Muslim men were arrested by the authorities in the UK for plotting to kill a female relative who had renounced Islam.

"This is why @ExmuslimsOrg works to normalize dissent in Muslim communities. This is why we run campaigns like #AwesomeWithoutAllah," tweeted Sarah Haider, executive director at EXMNA.

In such a scary environment where apostates have to live in constant fear of getting killed, what the organisation is doing is quite courageous.On its call to trend #AwesomeWithoutAllah on Twitter, many ex-Muslims have shared their stories on why they are happy to leave Islam. And it should come as no surprise that most of them are women, given their secondary status in the religion.

Nik, a co-founder of Ex-Muslim Support Network of Australia and who goes by the Twitter handle @HereticalGray, explains why she is awesome without Allah. “Because no child should be forced into a hijab/niqab. Because my worth is not determined by a cloth. Because by removing my hijab, it does not mean I am an immoral person that deserves to be raped. Because I believe everyone has a choice,” she tweeted.

“Now we are free to enjoy life as we want. Our minds are free to think what we want. Our hearts are free to love who we want. We are no longer under the commands of some narcissistic demanding being,” tweeted Yasmine Mohammed. Her profile reads: think outside the kaaba (which is depicted in form of an emoji).

‘Unapologetic Madow Lover’ (@gabariskufilan), an honour killing survivor, says she left Islam for feminism. “Because as a radical Black feminist, I can NOT be simultaneously Muslim and feminist. I choose women’s liberation. I love to travel solo, wear whatever I want without victim blaming and support LGBTQIA rights," she tweeted.

"My mother wanted me dead for removing hijab & leaving her house. She endlessly prayed for God to kill me from the moment I left & honestly believes I'm going to die soon bc "allah listens to her prayers"," tweeted Jinan Murtad, a Muslim-turned atheist, sharing her deeply personal story. “Its been 2 yrs now, I'm still alive & well but mostly #AwesomeWithoutAllah," she added.

The best part about leaving Islam, according to Meriem who recorded a video for the EXMNA campaign, is that she doesn't simply pray or fast anymore. “I am breaking free from a toxic, abusive and patriarchal environment,” she said, adding that, “No one can force me to wear something, or do something, or feel something, or be something that I'm not.”

Zara Kay, a Tanzania-Australian, tweeted a picture with her dog. “I am #AwesomeWithoutAllah Because puppies! No more feeling like I shouldn't touch dogs because they're najis," she gave her reason. She is getting a lot of abuse and threats on Twitter for coming out as an Ex-Muslim. But she is not deterred.

“I woke up to 30 messages in my inbox, people wishing death to me, calling me a bitch, talking about hellfire, or wanting to kill me. This is exactly why we need to keep fighting,” she tweeted. She also posted screenshots of some of the abuses coming her way.

In all the backlash that the 'Awesome without Allah' campaign is getting, EXMNA executive director Sarah Haider said she was 'amused by the many "omg it's the end of timess!!!" comments by believers in response to our billboards and the trending of #AwesomeWithoutAllah. I have good news! It's not THE end of times! It's the end of A time — the end of a time of religious privilege, abuse, persecution."

"If #exMuslims speaking up about their persecution, legalized murder in 12+ countries, their jailing & torture, myriad other horrors they face due to Islam makes YOU uncomfortable, it's because you can't bear to look at yourself in the mirror, have some shame!," EXMNA founder and president Muhammad Syed tweeted.

It's not just women who are speaking out and coming out of the closet. Muslim men are also doing so in droves.

Sohail Ahmed, an Ahmadi Muslim by birth, says that 'the best part of leaving Islam was in no longer having to defend verses of the Quran where the inequality of men & women is baked in.

Ali Malik, who is an atheist now, tweeted that is awesome without Allah 'because how independent, human, humble and compassionate it made me.'

"The best part of leaving Islam is to be free from mental shackles." said Abdullah Sameer in a video he shot for the EXMNA initiative.

Alireza Azami posted a photo with the hashtag showing his middle finger.

Supporting these voices of dissent, Ali A. Rizvi, a Pakistani-Canadian and author of The Atheist Muslim, said that Muslims are not immune to reason, secularism, and enlightenment. “We normalised lapsed Catholics, secular Jews, and ex-Mormons. Now it’s time to normalize ex-Muslims,” he tweeted.

Islamic theology has no love lost for the non-believers. It decrees unrelenting hostility towards kafirs. The believers must shun all kinds of relationships with them and if they are to be engaged then that should be done strictly out of necessity. They cannot be accorded any position of respect.

Even saying words of respect to them is not allowed. Not even in their death. To ask dua for them is haram. Their places of worship are places of the devil. Their festivals are haram. They are physically detestable and untrustworthy.

It is no wonder then that when a believer leaves Islam and becomes a non-believer, it is considered a great affront to the religion. That's why the punishment for apostasy is nothing short of death.

If some ex-Muslims are daring to come out in the open and speak against the problematic aspects of their former religion, their dissent not only must be fiercely protected but also promoted.

They are doing a great service to humanity and even Islam itself. Criticism and dissent is the first step toward reform. And Islam needed reformation yesterday

By

Jagadeesh krishnan

Psychologist and International Author

[26/08, 10:11 PM] 98 41 121780: அல்லாஹ் இல்லாமல் அற்புதம்: இந்த முஸ்லிம்கள் ஏன் இஸ்லாத்தை விட்டு வெளியேறி பெருமைப்படுகிறார்கள்

ஒரு முஸ்லீம் நம்பிக்கையை விட்டு வெளியேற விரும்புவோருக்கு அல்லது வெளியேறியவர்களுக்கு ஒரு வட அமெரிக்க குழு எவ்வாறு பொது ஆதரவை உருவாக்குகிறது.

கடந்த சில நாட்களாக, #AwesomeWithoutAllah என்ற ஹேஷ்டேக் ட்விட்டரில் ட்ரெண்டாகி வருகிறது. உலகெங்கிலும் உள்ள முன்னாள் முஸ்லீம்கள் இஸ்லாத்தை விட்டு வெளியேறி, ஷரியாவின் பிடியில் இருந்து விடுபட்டு, தங்களுக்கு முன்பு கற்பனை செய்து பார்க்க முடிந்த புதிய சுதந்திரங்களைப் பெற்ற மகிழ்ச்சியை 'டுவிட்டர்' உடன் பகிர்ந்து கொண்டாடி வருகின்றனர்.

வட அமெரிக்காவின் முன்னாள் முஸ்லிம்கள் (EXMNA), ஒரு இலாப நோக்கற்ற அமைப்பு, இந்த பிரச்சாரத்தை ஆன்லைனிலும் ஆஃப்லைனிலும் முன்னின்று நடத்துகிறது. இது பல்வேறு பொது இடங்களில் விளம்பர பலகைகளை வைத்துள்ளது. "அமெரிக்காவில் வளர்க்கப்பட்ட நான்கில் ஒரு முஸ்லிம்கள் இஸ்லாத்தை விட்டு வெளியேறினர்" என்று ஒருவர் வாசிக்கிறார். "கடவுள் இல்லாதவர். அச்சமற்ற. முன்னாள் முஸ்லீம், ”அது மேலும் கூறுகிறது.

EXMNA இலக்குகளில் ஒன்று இஸ்லாத்தை விட்டு வெளியேறுபவர்கள் எதிர்கொள்ளும் பாகுபாட்டைக் குறைப்பதாகும். இது மதச்சார்பற்ற மதிப்புகளை ஊக்குவிக்கிறது மற்றும் மத எதிர்ப்பை ஏற்றுக்கொள்ளும் வகையில் செயல்படுகிறது. இந்த முயற்சி 2012 இல் மனித உரிமை ஆர்வலர் முஹம்மது சையத் என்பவரால் நிறுவப்பட்டது.

இஸ்லாம் அதன் இணைப்பைப் பொறுத்தவரை ஒரு வழிப் பாதை. மற்ற மதத்தினரை மாற்றுவதற்கு இது அனுமதிக்கிறது, இல்லை, வலியுறுத்துகிறது. ஆனால் ஷரியா (இஸ்லாமிய சட்டம்) விதித்த தண்டனைக்காக யாரும் அதை விட்டுவிட முடியாது, ஏனெனில் துறவறம் மரணம்.

இஸ்லாத்தை விட்டு வெளியேறியதற்காக ஒருவரைக் கொல்வது வெறும் குழப்பமான கோட்பாடு அல்ல. இது முஸ்லீம் உலகம் முழுவதும் தவறாமல் அமல்படுத்தப்படுகிறது மற்றும் ஷரியா சட்டம் இல்லாத மேற்கத்திய நாடுகளையும் உள்ளடக்கியது. அரசு இஸ்லாமியமாக இல்லாத இடத்தில், வைராக்கியமுள்ள முஸ்லீம்கள் அல்லாஹ்வின் பாதையில் இருந்து ‘வழிதவறி’ வருபவர்களைத் தண்டிக்கிறார்கள். கடந்த வாரம், இஸ்லாத்தை துறந்த பெண் உறவினர் ஒருவரை கொல்ல சதி செய்ததாக இரண்டு முஸ்லீம் ஆண்கள் இங்கிலாந்தில் அதிகாரிகளால் கைது செய்யப்பட்டனர்.

"இதனால்தான் @ExmuslimsOrg முஸ்லீம் சமூகங்களில் கருத்து வேறுபாட்டை இயல்பாக்குகிறது. இதனால்தான் நாங்கள் #AwesomeWithoutAllah போன்ற பிரச்சாரங்களை நடத்துகிறோம்" என்று EXMNA இன் நிர்வாக இயக்குனர் சாரா ஹைதர் ட்வீட் செய்தார்.

துரோகிகள் கொலை செய்யப்படுவார்கள் என்ற பயத்தில் தொடர்ந்து வாழ வேண்டிய ஒரு பயங்கரமான சூழலில், அந்த அமைப்பு என்ன செய்கிறது என்பது மிகவும் தைரியமானது. ட்விட்டரில் #AwesomeWithoutAllah ட்ரெண்டில் அதன் அழைப்பில், பல முன்னாள் முஸ்லீம்கள் தங்கள் கதைகளை ஏன் மகிழ்ச்சியாக பகிர்ந்து கொண்டனர் இஸ்லாத்தை விட்டு. அவர்களில் பெரும்பாலானவர்கள் பெண்கள், மதத்தில் இரண்டாம் நிலை அந்தஸ்து வழங்கப்பட்டதில் ஆச்சரியமில்லை.

நிக், ஆஸ்திரேலியாவின் முன்னாள் முஸ்லீம் ஆதரவு நெட்வொர்க்கின் இணை நிறுவனர் மற்றும் @HereticalGray என்ற ட்விட்டர் கைப்பிடியின் மூலம், அவர் ஏன் அல்லாஹ் இல்லாமல் அற்புதமாக இருக்கிறார் என்பதை விளக்குகிறார். ஏனென்றால், எந்த குழந்தையும் ஹிஜாப்/நிகாப்பில் கட்டாயப்படுத்தப்படக்கூடாது. ஏனென்றால் என் மதிப்பு ஒரு துணியால் தீர்மானிக்கப்படவில்லை. ஏனென்றால், எனது ஹிஜாபை நீக்குவதன் மூலம், நான் பாலியல் பலாத்காரம் செய்யப்பட வேண்டிய ஒழுக்கமற்ற நபர் என்று அர்த்தமல்ல. ஏனென்றால் அனைவருக்கும் ஒரு தேர்வு இருக்கிறது என்று நான் நம்புகிறேன், ”என்று அவர் ட்வீட் செய்தார்.

"இப்போது நாம் விரும்பியபடி வாழ்க்கையை அனுபவிக்க சுதந்திரமாக இருக்கிறோம். நமக்கு என்ன வேண்டும் என்று சிந்திக்க நம் மனம் சுதந்திரமாக உள்ளது. நாம் விரும்பியவரை நேசிக்க எங்கள் இதயங்கள் சுதந்திரமாக உள்ளன. நாங்கள் இனி சில நாசீசிஸ்டிக் கோட்பாடுகளின் கட்டளைகளின் கீழ் இல்லை, ”என்று யாஸ்மின் முகமது ட்வீட் செய்தார். அவளுடைய சுயவிவரம் பின்வருமாறு கூறுகிறது: காபாவுக்கு வெளியே சிந்தியுங்கள் (இது ஒரு ஈமோஜி வடிவத்தில் சித்தரிக்கப்பட்டுள்ளது).

‘Unapologetic Madow Lover’ (@gabariskufilan), ஒரு க honorரவக் கொலையில் உயிர் பிழைத்தவர், அவர் பெண்ணுரிமைக்காக இஸ்லாத்தை விட்டு வெளியேறினார். "ஏனெனில் ஒரு தீவிர கருப்பு பெண்ணியவாதியாக, நான் ஒரே சமயத்தில் முஸ்லீம் மற்றும் பெண்ணியவாதியாக இருக்க முடியாது. நான் பெண் விடுதலையைத் தேர்வு செய்கிறேன். நான் தனியாக பயணம் செய்ய விரும்புகிறேன், பாதிக்கப்பட்டவரை குற்றம் சாட்டாமல் நான் விரும்பும் எதையும் அணிய விரும்புகிறேன் மற்றும் LGBTQIA உரிமைகளை ஆதரிக்கிறேன், ”என்று அவர் ட்வீட் செய்துள்ளார்.

"ஹிஜாபை அகற்றிவிட்டு வீட்டை விட்டு வெளியேறியதற்காக என் அம்மா என்னை இறக்க விரும்பினார். நான் போகும் தருணத்திலிருந்து கடவுளைக் கொல்லும்படி அவள் முடிவில்லாமல் பிரார்த்தனை செய்தாள், நான் விரைவில் இறந்துவிடுவேன் என்று நம்புகிறேன்" அல்லா அவளுடைய பிரார்த்தனைகளைக் கேட்கிறார் "என்று ஜினன் முர்டாட் ட்வீட் செய்துள்ளார். ஒரு முஸ்லீம் நாத்திகர், தனது ஆழ்ந்த தனிப்பட்ட கதையைப் பகிர்ந்து கொண்டார். "இப்போது 2 வருடங்கள் ஆகிறது, நான் இன்னும் உயிருடன் இருக்கிறேன், ஆனால் பெரும்பாலும் #AwesomeWithoutAllah," என்று அவர் மேலும் கூறினார்.

EXMNA பிரச்சாரத்திற்காக ஒரு வீடியோவைப் பதிவுசெய்த மெரீமின் கூற்றுப்படி, இஸ்லாத்தை விட்டு வெளியேறுவது பற்றிய சிறந்த பகுதி, அவள் இனி பிரார்த்தனை செய்யவோ அல்லது விரதம் இருக்கவோ இல்லை. "நான் ஒரு நச்சு, துஷ்பிரயோகம் மற்றும் ஆணாதிக்க சூழலில் இருந்து விடுபடுகிறேன்," என்று அவர் கூறினார், "யாராவது என்னை ஏதாவது அணியவோ, ஏதாவது செய்யவோ, அல்லது உணரவோ அல்லது நான் இல்லாத ஒன்றாக இருக்கவோ கட்டாயப்படுத்த முடியாது."

தான்சானியா-ஆஸ்திரேலியரான ஜாரா கே தனது நாயுடன் ஒரு படத்தை ட்வீட் செய்தார். "நான் #அற்புதமானவன் அல்லா ஏனெனில் நாய்க்குட்டிகள்! நாய்கள் நாஜிகளாக இருப்பதால் நான் அவர்களைத் தொடக் கூடாது என உணர்கிறேன், "என்று அவர் தனது காரணத்தைக் கூறினார். அவர் முன்னாள் முஸ்லீமாக வெளிவந்ததற்காக ட்விட்டரில் நிறைய துஷ்பிரயோகங்களையும் அச்சுறுத்தல்களையும் பெறுகிறார். ஆனால் அவள் தடுக்கப்படவில்லை.

"நான் என் இன்பாக்ஸில் 30 செய்திகளை எழுப்பினேன், மக்கள் எனக்கு மரணத்தை விரும்புகிறார்கள், என்னை ஒரு பிச் என்று அழைக்கிறார்கள், நரக நெருப்பைப் பற்றி பேசுகிறார்கள், அல்லது என்னைக் கொல்ல விரும்புகிறார்கள். இதனால்தான் நாங்கள் தொடர்ந்து போராட வேண்டும், ”என்று அவர் ட்வீட் செய்தார். அவள் வரும் சில முறைகேடுகளின் ஸ்கிரீன் ஷாட்களையும் அவர் வெளியிட்டார்.

'அல்லாஹ் இல்லாமல் அருமை' பிரச்சாரம் பெறுகின்ற அனைத்து பின்னடைவுகளிலும், எக்ஸ்எம்என்ஏ நிர்வாக இயக்குனர் சாரா ஹைதர் கூறுகையில், "ஓம்ஜி இது நேரத்தின் முடிவு !!!" எங்கள் விளம்பர பலகைகளுக்கு பதிலளிக்கும் விதமாக விசுவாசிகளின் கருத்துகள் மற்றும் #AwesomeWithoutAllah இன் போக்கு. என்னிடம் நல்ல செய்தி உள்ளது! இது காலத்தின் முடிவு அல்ல! இது ஒரு காலத்தின் முடிவு - மத சலுகை, துஷ்பிரயோகம், துன்புறுத்தல் ஆகியவற்றின் நேரத்தின் முடிவு. "

இஸ்லாமியர்கள் தங்களின் துன்புறுத்தல்கள், 12+ நாடுகளில் சட்டபூர்வமான கொலை, அவர்களின் சிறை & சித்திரவதைகள், இஸ்லாமியர்களால் அவர்கள் எதிர்கொள்ளும் எண்ணற்ற பிற கொடுமைகள் பற்றி பேசினால் உங்களுக்கு அசableகரியம் ஏற்படுகிறது என்றால், கண்ணாடியில் உங்களைப் பார்க்க நீங்கள் பொறுத்துக் கொள்ள முடியாது. சில அவமானங்கள்!

வெளியே பேசுவது மற்றும் வெளியே வருவது பெண்கள் மட்டுமல்ல. முஸ்லீம் ஆண்களும் கூட்டமாக செய்கிறார்கள்.

சோஹைல் அகமது, பிறப்பால் அஹ்மதி முஸ்லீம், 'இஸ்லாத்தை விட்டு வெளியேறுவதன் மிகச் சிறந்த பகுதி குர்ஆனின் வசனங்களை பாதுகாக்க வேண்டிய அவசியமில்லை, அங்கு ஆண்கள் மற்றும் பெண்களின் சமத்துவமின்மை சுட்டப்படுகிறது.

இப்போது நாத்திகராக இருக்கும் அலி மாலிக், அல்லாஹ் இல்லாமல் அற்புதமானவர் 'ஏனெனில் அது என்னை எவ்வளவு சுதந்திரமாகவும், மனிதனாகவும், மனத்தாழ்மையாகவும், கருணையுடனும் ஆக்கியது.'

"இஸ்லாத்தை விட்டு வெளியேறுவதில் சிறந்த பகுதி மனக் கட்டுப்பாட்டிலிருந்து விடுபடுவதாகும்." எக்ஸ்எம்என்ஏ முன்முயற்சிக்காக அவர் படம்பிடித்த வீடியோவில் அப்துல்லா சமீர் கூறினார்.

அலிரேசா ஆசாமி தனது நடுத்தர விரலைக் காட்டும் ஹேஷ்டேக்குடன் ஒரு புகைப்படத்தை வெளியிட்டார்.

இந்த எதிர்ப்புக் குரல்களை ஆதரித்து, பாகிஸ்தானிய-கனடியரும், நாத்திக முஸ்லீம் ஆசிரியருமான அலி ஏ.ரிஸ்வி, முஸ்லிம்கள் பகுத்தறிவு, மதச்சார்பின்மை மற்றும் அறிவொளி ஆகியவற்றிலிருந்து விடுபடவில்லை என்று கூறினார். "நாங்கள் கத்தோலிக்கர்கள், மதச்சார்பற்ற யூதர்கள் மற்றும் முன்னாள் மோர்மான்ஸை இயல்பாக்கினோம். முன்னாள் முஸ்லீம்களை இயல்பாக்க வேண்டிய நேரம் வந்துவிட்டது, ”என்று அவர் ட்வீட் செய்துள்ளார்.

இஸ்லாமிய இறையியல் நம்பிக்கை இல்லாதவர்கள் மீது அன்பை இழக்கவில்லை. இது காபிர்கள் மீது தீராத பகைமையை வெளிப்படுத்துகிறது. விசுவாசிகள் அவர்களுடனான அனைத்து வகையான உறவுகளையும் தவிர்க்க வேண்டும், அவர்கள் நிச்சயதார்த்தத்தில் ஈடுபட வேண்டும் என்றால் அது கண்டிப்பாக தேவையின்றி செய்யப்பட வேண்டும். அவர்களுக்கு எந்த மரியாதையும் அளிக்க முடியாது.

அவர்களுக்கு மரியாதை வார்த்தைகள் சொல்வது கூட அனுமதிக்கப்படவில்லை. அவர்களின் மரணத்தில் கூட இல்லை. அவர்களுக்காக துஆ கேட்பது ஹராம். அவர்களின் வழிபாட்டுத் தலங்கள் பிசாசின் இடங்கள். அவர்களின் பண்டிகைகள் ஹராம். அவர்கள் உடல் ரீதியாக வெறுக்கத்தக்கவர்கள் மற்றும் நம்பமுடியாதவர்கள்.

ஒரு விசுவாசி இஸ்லாத்தை விட்டு வெளியேறி, நம்பிக்கையற்றவராக மாறும்போது, ​​அது மார்க்கத்திற்கு பெரும் அவமானமாக கருதப்படுவதில் ஆச்சரியமில்லை. அதனால்தான் துறவுக்கான தண்டனை மரணத்திற்கு குறைவாக இல்லை.

சில முன்னாள் முஸ்லீம்கள் வெளிப்படையாக வெளியே வந்து தங்கள் முன்னாள் மதத்தின் பிரச்சனையான அம்சங்களுக்கு எதிராக பேசத் துணிந்தால், அவர்களின் கருத்து வேறுபாடு கடுமையாகப் பாதுகாக்கப்படுவது மட்டுமல்லாமல் ஊக்குவிக்கப்பட வேண்டும்.

அவர்கள் மனிதகுலத்திற்கும் இஸ்லாத்திற்கும் கூட ஒரு சிறந்த சேவையைச் செய்கிறார்கள். விமர்சனமும் கருத்து வேறுபாடும் சீர்திருத்தத்திற்கான முதல் படியாகும். இஸ்லாத்திற்கு நேற்று சீர்திருத்தம் தேவைப்பட்டது

மூலம்

ஜெகதீஷ் கிருஷ்ணன்

உளவியலாளர் மற்றும் சர்வதேச எழுத்தாளர்

[stiltonbasket]

So. My mother just told me the story of how I broke a fever at only a few months old - I apparently caught a cold, nothing major, and it was over in about two days. I just thought that this must be a pretty scary situation for parents, even if the baby isn't in any real danger. How, do you think, Wangxian would react? I wouldn't want anything dangerous to happen to any of the tiny babies, but parents tend to overreact. This would be for the Renouncement Verse - you're a godsend!

prompt 2 @enter21: So much love for Baby Wei! Can we get some bonding time with new mom WWX and his little girl. Both the difficulties and the joy new bundles of love bring. And maybe just the extended family being majorly impressed  with WWX's skills with children. Baby Wei, Xiao-yu, baby Mianmian, just all the babies.

(brief author’s note: please please reblog if you can, since that’s how we get prompts for future chapters!)

In later years, Wei Wuxian will remember his daughter’s birth as the most exhausting moment of his life. Bringing a child into the world is a painful business no matter how one goes about it, even when said child was being transported out of an empty dantian with nothing but pure magic and willpower to guide the way; the process taxed his spiritual veins so badly that they began to collapse in on themselves, and his head pounded in sheer misery like it did when he first fell into the Burial Mounds, and all the power Lan Xichen forced into his body made his dantian burn as if someone had lit a fire in it before he finally sank into the blessed oblivion of sleep.

But then someone shook him awake again, and put A-Lan into his arms, and Wei Wuxian fell desperately in love the moment he first laid eyes on her.

Now, on the second day after A-Lan’s arrival, Wei Wuxian busies himself with tracking the movement of her small chest (smaller than his palm, and so much more delicate) fluttering up and down with her soft breaths, and watching the faint sucking motions she makes with her tiny pink tongue when he puts a finger close to her cheek. She isn’t hungry yet, or at least he doesn’t think so; babies suck on everything that comes near their mouths, so he ignores the bottle of milk at his elbow and pokes her feathery little eyebrows instead.

The baby frowns and squints at him, just as he expected she would. Her dark eyes delight Wei Wuxian every time he sees them, because they are exactly like Lan Zhan’s: deep and clear and slanted at the corners like a pair of black phoenix’s wings, and her gaze is her father’s, too.

(Or at least it is until she begins to cry, at which point A-Lan reminds him a great deal more of a three-year-old Jiang Cheng.)

"Shuilan," he whispers now, scarcely aware of the physician measuring the baby's pulse at his right; they called Lan Feihui to see if the weather was responsible for A-Lan’s coughing, since she was born in the midst of an ongoing summer thunderstorm. "Don't cry, Lan-bao. I'm here, sweetheart, I'm here." 

"How many times did she eat last night?" Lan Feihui asks, from somewhere over his head. "Did you keep note, xiandu?" 

Wei Wuxian ignores that particular query, because he has no idea how often A-Lan needs to eat after he goes to bed. Lan Zhan lets him sleep the whole night through with A-Lan nestled against his side, refusing to disturb him no matter how often A-Lan wakes up, and he feeds the baby her milk every other hour as skillfully as the trained nursemaids from the healing halls.

"Three times," Lan Zhan replies, consulting a slip of paper tucked into his sleeve. "She did not object to my blood in the milk spell, so I saw no need to wake Wei Ying."

"It's a godsend, that spell," the doctor mutters, referring to the talisman Wei Wuxian constructed to transform goats’ milk into something suitable for babies to drink with the addition of a little human blood. "Do you have any plans to distribute it, Xinhua-jun?" 

Wei Wuxian finally looks away from the baby's dimpled hands and nods. "En. I couldn't sleep these last two months for worrying about how we were going to feed her, and if the spell could come in useful for another child without a mother to feed it, then…”

"You could still use it yourself," the healer reminds him gently. "Using Hanguang-jun’s blood would be safest since you’re a non-cultivator, but if you would like to use yours instead, you can." 

Wei Wuxian shakes his head. "It's better this way," he sighs. "She's so little, I—I don't want to take any chances."

The healer objects to this on the grounds that A-Lan is not little at all; she weighs nearly six jin, with a very healthy appetite, but Lan Zhan still refuses to let Wei Wuxian be the one to feed her.

"The spell requires a full shao of blood every day," he protests. "And babies need to eat so often. It will hurt you if you do it, Wei Ying."

“It won’t hurt me,” Wei Wuxian argues back, before blanching as Lan Zhan makes a cut across his hand and activates the milk talisman. “Lan Zhan!”

But it hardly matters who feeds her in the end, because A-Lan is chubby and strong and tries to eat everything that gets near her, from milk bottles to her own thumbs and Xiao-Yu's pudgy fingers, and all her parents' fears vanish when the healer finally declares that her fragile little lungs are handling the cold perfectly.

“She’s only been breathing for two days, Xinhua-jun,” is all Lan Feihui says, when Wei Wuxian gives her a sheepish apology for summoning her across the Cloud Recesses in the rain. “If she breathes in a grain of dust, she might sneeze. If the air is a touch too dry or too warm, she might cough. There is no need to worry unless her skin turns blue, but if that does happen, summon me or Zewu-jun at once.”

**

After the healer takes her leave, Wei Wuxian stares down at his daughter and covers her little face with kisses.

“Serves you right,” he scolds, when she gives him an aggrieved baby glare and sucks violently at her milk. “How could you worry me so much, A-Lan? Your A-Niang has a delicate heart, you know. You can’t scare me like this again.”

“I think I should be called A-Niang,” Lan Zhan tells him, petting Xiao-Yu’s sleepy little head. All four of them are curled up together in the marriage bed, since Xiao-Yu refused to leave his new sister, and insists on being allowed to feed her at least once or twice a day. “Did you not say once that the one with the milk was mother, and the one with gold was father?”

Wei Wuxian throws his head back and laughs. “All right,” he declares, turning so that A-Lan’s beady little eyes are fixed right on Lan Zhan’s. “Shuilan, this is your A-Niang. You can tell because you have my name—your A-Die’s name, that is—and because your A-Niang spills his own blood ten times a day so you can eat without a wet-nurse. Greet him properly, Wei-xiaojie.”

Unfortunately, Lan-bao’s idea of a greeting is spitting up onto Xiao-Yu’s robes. “Yuck!” A-Yu cries, jumping away and bursting into tears at the sight of the pale stain on his chest. “A-Lan, bad!”

And then, of course, A-Lan starts crying too. “Welcome to fatherhood, for the third time,” Wei Wuxian tells his husband, patting the tears off Xiaohui’s nose and biting back a giggle as Lan Zhan goes to find a wet cloth and a new gown for their son. “Do you think you’re ready, Lan Zhan?”

Lan Zhan looks at him across their children’s teary red faces and smiles. 

“With you, xingan? Always.”

[pope-francis-quotes]

9th April >> (@zenitenglish) Pope Francis’ full Vatican-provided English text of “Gaudate et Exsultate”: *** APOSTOLIC EXHORTATION GAUDETE ET EXSULTATE OF THE HOLY FATHER FRANCIS ON THE CALL TO HOLINESS IN TODAY’S WORLD 1. “REJOICE AND BE GLAD” (Mt 5:12), Jesus tells those persecuted or humiliated for his sake. The Lord asks everything of us, and in return he offers us true life, the happiness for which we were created. He wants us to be saints and not to settle for a bland and mediocre existence. The call to holiness is present in various ways from the very first pages of the Bible. We see it expressed in the Lord’s words to Abraham: “Walk before me, and be blameless” (Gen 17:1). 2. What follows is not meant to be a treatise on holiness, containing definitions and distinctions helpful for understanding this important subject, or a discussion of the various means of sanctification. My modest goal is to repropose the call to holiness in a practical way for our own time, with all its risks, challenges and opportunities. For the Lord has chosen each one of us “to be holy and blameless before him in love” (Eph 1:4). CHAPTER ONE THE CALL TO HOLINESS THE SAINTS WHO ENCOURAGE AND ACCOMPANY US 3. The Letter to the Hebrews presents a number of testimonies that encourage us to “run with perseverance the race that is set before us” (12:1). It speaks of Abraham, Sarah, Moses, Gideon and others (cf. 11:1-12:3). Above all, it invites us to realize that “a great cloud of witnesses” (12:1) impels us to advance constantly towards the goal. These witnesses may include our own mothers, grandmothers or other loved ones (cf. 2 Tim 1:5). Their lives may not always have been perfect, yet even amid their faults and failings they kept moving forward and proved pleasing to the Lord. 4. The saints now in God’s presence preserve their bonds of love and communion with us. The Book of Revelation attests to this when it speaks of the intercession of the martyrs: “I saw under the altar the souls of those who had been slain for the word of God and for the witness they had borne; they cried out with a loud voice, ‘O sovereign Lord, holy and true, how long will it be before you judge?’” (6:9-10). Each of us can say: “Surrounded, led and guided by the friends of God… I do not have to carry alone what, in truth, I could never carry alone. All the saints of God are there to protect me, to sustain me and to carry me”.[1] 5. The processes of beatification and canonization recognize the signs of heroic virtue, the sacrifice of one’s life in martyrdom, and certain cases where a life is constantly offered for others, even until death. This shows an exemplary imitation of Christ, one worthy of the admiration of the faithful.[2] We can think, for example, of Blessed Maria Gabriella Sagheddu, who offered her life for the unity of Christians. THE SAINTS “NEXT DOOR” 6. Nor need we think only of those already beatified and canonized. The Holy Spirit bestows holiness in abundance among God’s holy and faithful people, for “it has pleased God to make men and women holy and to save them, not as individuals without any bond between them, but rather as a people who might acknowledge him in truth and serve him in holiness”.[3] In salvation history, the Lord saved one people. We are never completely ourselves unless we belong to a people. That is why no one is saved alone, as an isolated individual. Rather, God draws us to himself, taking into account the complex fabric of interpersonal relationships present in a human community. God wanted to enter into the life and history of a people. 7. I like to contemplate the holiness present in the patience of God’s people: in those parents who raise their children with immense love, in those men and women who work hard to support their families, in the sick, in elderly religious who never lose their smile. In their daily perseverance I see the holiness of the Church militant. Very often it is a holiness found in our next-door neighbours, those who, living in our midst, reflect God’s presence. We might call them “the middle class of holiness”.[4] 8. Let us be spurred on by the signs of holiness that the Lord shows us through the humblest members of that people which “shares also in Christ’s prophetic office, spreading abroad a living witness to him, especially by means of a life of faith and charity”.[5] We should consider the fact that, as Saint Teresa Benedicta of the Cross suggests, real history is made by so many of them. As she writes: “The greatest figures of prophecy and sanctity step forth out of the darkest night. But for the most part, the formative stream of the mystical life remains invisible. Certainly the most decisive turning points in world history are substantially co-determined by souls whom no history book ever mentions. And we will only find out about those souls to whom we owe the decisive turning points in our personal lives on the day when all that is hidden is revealed”.[6] 9. Holiness is the most attractive face of the Church. But even outside the Catholic Church and in very different contexts, the Holy Spirit raises up “signs of his presence which help Christ’s followers”.[7] Saint John Paul II reminded us that “the witness to Christ borne even to the shedding of blood has become a common inheritance of Catholics, Orthodox, Anglicans and Protestants”.[8] In the moving ecumenical commemoration held in the Colosseum during the Great Jubilee of the Year 2000, he stated that the martyrs are “a heritage which speaks more powerfully than all the causes of division”.[9] THE LORD CALLS 10. All this is important. Yet with this Exhortation I would like to insist primarily on the call to holiness that the Lord addresses to each of us, the call that he also addresses, personally, to you: “Be holy, for I am holy” (Lev 11:44; cf. 1 Pet 1:16). The Second Vatican Council stated this clearly: “Strengthened by so many and such great means of salvation, all the faithful, whatever their condition or state, are called by the Lord – each in his or her own way – to that perfect holiness by which the Father himself is perfect”.[10] 11. “Each in his or her own way” the Council says. We should not grow discouraged before examples of holiness that appear unattainable. There are some testimonies that may prove helpful and inspiring, but that we are not meant to copy, for that could even lead us astray from the one specific path that the Lord has in mind for us. The important thing is that each believer discern his or her own path, that they bring out the very best of themselves, the most personal gifts that God has placed in their hearts (cf. 1 Cor 12:7), rather than hopelessly trying to imitate something not meant for them. We are all called to be witnesses, but there are many actual ways of bearing witness.[11] Indeed, when the great mystic, Saint John of the Cross, wrote his Spiritual Canticle, he preferred to avoid hard and fast rules for all. He explained that his verses were composed so that everyone could benefit from them “in his or her own way”.[12] For God’s life is communicated “to some in one way and to others in another”.[13] 12. Within these various forms, I would stress too that the “genius of woman” is seen in feminine styles of holiness, which are an essential means of reflecting God’s holiness in this world. Indeed, in times when women tended to be most ignored or overlooked, the Holy Spirit raised up saints whose attractiveness produced new spiritual vigour and important reforms in the Church. We can mention Saint Hildegard of Bingen, Saint Bridget, Saint Catherine of Siena, Saint Teresa of Avila and Saint Thérèse of Lisieux. But I think too of all those unknown or forgotten women who, each in her own way, sustained and transformed families and communities by the power of their witness. 13. This should excite and encourage us to give our all and to embrace that unique plan that God willed for each of us from eternity: “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you” (Jer 1:5). FOR YOU TOO 14. To be holy does not require being a bishop, a priest or a religious. We are frequently tempted to think that holiness is only for those who can withdraw from ordinary affairs to spend much time in prayer. That is not the case. We are all called to be holy by living our lives with love and by bearing witness in everything we do, wherever we find ourselves. Are you called to the consecrated life? Be holy by living out your commitment with joy. Are you married? Be holy by loving and caring for your husband or wife, as Christ does for the Church. Do you work for a living? Be holy by labouring with integrity and skill in the service of your brothers and sisters. Are you a parent or grandparent? Be holy by patiently teaching the little ones how to follow Jesus. Are you in a position of authority? Be holy by working for the common good and renouncing personal gain.[14] 15. Let the grace of your baptism bear fruit in a path of holiness. Let everything be open to God; turn to him in every situation. Do not be dismayed, for the power of the Holy Spirit enables you to do this, and holiness, in the end, is the fruit of the Holy Spirit in your life (cf. Gal 5:22-23). When you feel the temptation to dwell on your own weakness, raise your eyes to Christ crucified and say: “Lord, I am a poor sinner, but you can work the miracle of making me a little bit better”. In the Church, holy yet made up of sinners, you will find everything you need to grow towards holiness. The Lord has bestowed on the Church the gifts of scripture, the sacraments, holy places, living communities, the witness of the saints and a multifaceted beauty that proceeds from God’s love, “like a bride bedecked with jewels” (Is 61:10). 16. This holiness to which the Lord calls you will grow through small gestures. Here is an example: a woman goes shopping, she meets a neighbour and they begin to speak, and the gossip starts. But she says in her heart: “No, I will not speak badly of anyone”. This is a step forward in holiness. Later, at home, one of her children wants to talk to her about his hopes and dreams, and even though she is tired, she sits down and listens with patience and love. That is another sacrifice that brings holiness. Later she experiences some anxiety, but recalling the love of the Virgin Mary, she takes her rosary and prays with faith. Yet another path of holiness. Later still, she goes out onto the street, encounters a poor person and stops to say a kind word to him. One more step. 17. At times, life presents great challenges. Through them, the Lord calls us anew to a conversion that can make his grace more evident in our lives, “in order that we may share his holiness” (Heb 12:10). At other times, we need only find a more perfect way of doing what we are already doing: “There are inspirations that tend solely to perfect in an extraordinary way the ordinary things we do in life”.[15] When Cardinal François-Xavier Nguyên van Thuân was imprisoned, he refused to waste time waiting for the day he would be set free. Instead, he chose “to live the present moment, filling it to the brim with love”. He decided: “I will seize the occasions that present themselves every day; I will accomplish ordinary actions in an extraordinary way”.[16] 18. In this way, led by God’s grace, we shape by many small gestures the holiness God has willed for us, not as men and women sufficient unto ourselves but rather “as good stewards of the manifold grace of God” (1 Pet 4:10). The New Zealand bishops rightly teach us that we are capable of loving with the Lord’s unconditional love, because the risen Lord shares his powerful life with our fragile lives: “His love set no limits and, once given, was never taken back. It was unconditional and remained faithful. To love like that is not easy because we are often so weak. But just to try to love as Christ loved us shows that Christ shares his own risen life with us. In this way, our lives demonstrate his power at work – even in the midst of human weakness”.[17] YOUR MISSION IN CHRIST 19. A Christian cannot think of his or her mission on earth without seeing it as a path of holiness, for “this is the will of God, your sanctification” (1 Thess 4:3). Each saint is a mission, planned by the Father to reflect and embody, at a specific moment in history, a certain aspect of the Gospel. 20. That mission has its fullest meaning in Christ, and can only be understood through him. At its core, holiness is experiencing, in union with Christ, the mysteries of his life. It consists in uniting ourselves to the Lord’s death and resurrection in a unique and personal way, constantly dying and rising anew with him. But it can also entail reproducing in our own lives various aspects of Jesus’ earthly life: his hidden life, his life in community, his closeness to the outcast, his poverty and other ways in which he showed his self-sacrificing love. The contemplation of these mysteries, as Saint Ignatius of Loyola pointed out, leads us to incarnate them in our choices and attitudes.[18] Because “everything in Jesus’ life was a sign of his mystery”,[19] “Christ’s whole life is a revelation of the Father”,[20] “Christ’s whole life is a mystery of redemption”,[21] “Christ’s whole life is a mystery of recapitulation”.[22] “Christ enables us to live in him all that he himself lived, and he lives it in us”.[23] 21. The Father’s plan is Christ, and ourselves in him. In the end, it is Christ who loves in us, for “holiness is nothing other than charity lived to the full”.[24] As a result, “the measure of our holiness stems from the stature that Christ achieves in us, to the extent that, by the power of the Holy Spirit, we model our whole life on his”.[25] Every saint is a message which the Holy Spirit takes from the riches of Jesus Christ and gives to his people. 22. To recognize the word that the Lord wishes to speak to us through one of his saints, we do not need to get caught up in details, for there we might also encounter mistakes and failures. Not everything a saint says is completely faithful to the Gospel; not everything he or she does is authentic or perfect. What we need to contemplate is the totality of their life, their entire journey of growth in holiness, the reflection of Jesus Christ that emerges when we grasp their overall meaning as a person.[26] 23. This is a powerful summons to all of us. You too need to see the entirety of your life as a mission. Try to do so by listening to God in prayer and recognizing the signs that he gives you. Always ask the Spirit what Jesus expects from you at every moment of your life and in every decision you must make, so as to discern its place in the mission you have received. Allow the Spirit to forge in you the personal mystery that can reflect Jesus Christ in today’s world. 24. May you come to realize what that word is, the message of Jesus that God wants to speak to the world by your life. Let yourself be transformed. Let yourself be renewed by the Spirit, so that this can happen, lest you fail in your precious mission. The Lord will bring it to fulfilment despite your mistakes and missteps, provided that you do not abandon the path of love but remain ever open to his supernatural grace, which purifies and enlightens. ACTIVITY THAT SANCTIFIES 25. Just as you cannot understand Christ apart from the kingdom he came to bring, so too your personal mission is inseparable from the building of that kingdom: “Strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness” (Mt 6:33). Your identification with Christ and his will involves a commitment to build with him that kingdom of love, justice and universal peace. Christ himself wants to experience this with you, in all the efforts and sacrifices that it entails, but also in all the joy and enrichment it brings. You cannot grow in holiness without committing yourself, body and soul, to giving your best to this endeavour. 26. It is not healthy to love silence while fleeing interaction with others, to want peace and quiet while avoiding activity, to seek prayer while disdaining service. Everything can be accepted and integrated into our life in this world, and become a part of our path to holiness. We are called to be contemplatives even in the midst of action, and to grow in holiness by responsibly and generously carrying out our proper mission. 27. Could the Holy Spirit urge us to carry out a mission and then ask us to abandon it, or not fully engage in it, so as to preserve our inner peace? Yet there are times when we are tempted to relegate pastoral engagement or commitment in the world to second place, as if these were “distractions” along the path to growth in holiness and interior peace. We can forget that “life does not have a mission, but is a mission”.[27] 28. Needless to say, anything done out of anxiety, pride or the need to impress others will not lead to holiness. We are challenged to show our commitment in such a way that everything we do has evangelical meaning and identifies us all the more with Jesus Christ. We often speak, for example, of the spirituality of the catechist, the spirituality of the diocesan priesthood, the spirituality of work. For the same reason, in Evangelii Gaudium I concluded by speaking of a spirituality of mission, in Laudato Si’ of an ecological spirituality, and in Amoris Laetitia of a spirituality of family life. 29. This does not mean ignoring the need for moments of quiet, solitude and silence before God. Quite the contrary. The presence of constantly new gadgets, the excitement of travel and an endless array of consumer goods at times leave no room for God’s voice to be heard. We are overwhelmed by words, by superficial pleasures and by an increasing din, filled not by joy but rather by the discontent of those whose lives have lost meaning. How can we fail to realize the need to stop this rat race and to recover the personal space needed to carry on a heartfelt dialogue with God? Finding that space may prove painful but it is always fruitful. Sooner or later, we have to face our true selves and let the Lord enter. This may not happen unless “we see ourselves staring into the abyss of a frightful temptation, or have the dizzying sensation of standing on the precipice of utter despair, or find ourselves completely alone and abandoned”.[28] In such situations, we find the deepest motivation for living fully our commitment to our work. 30. The same distractions that are omnipresent in today’s world also make us tend to absolutize our free time, so that we can give ourselves over completely to the devices that provide us with entertainment or ephemeral pleasures.[29] As a result, we come to resent our mission, our commitment grows slack, and our generous and ready spirit of service begins to flag. This denatures our spiritual experience. Can any spiritual fervour be sound when it dwells alongside sloth in evangelization or in service to others? 31. We need a spirit of holiness capable of filling both our solitude and our service, our personal life and our evangelizing efforts, so that every moment can be an expression of self-sacrificing love in the Lord’s eyes. In this way, every minute of our lives can be a step along the path to growth in holiness. MORE ALIVE, MORE HUMAN 32. Do not be afraid of holiness. It will take away none of your energy, vitality or joy. On the contrary, you will become what the Father had in mind when he created you, and you will be faithful to your deepest self. To depend on God sets us free from every form of enslavement and leads us to recognize our great dignity. We see this in Saint Josephine Bakhita: “Abducted and sold into slavery at the tender age of seven, she suffered much at the hands of cruel masters. But she came to understand the profound truth that God, and not man, is the true Master of every human being, of every human life. This experience became a source of great wisdom for this humble daughter of Africa”.[30] 33. To the extent that each Christian grows in holiness, he or she will bear greater fruit for our world. The bishops of West Africa have observed that “we are being called in the spirit of the New Evangelization to be evangelized and to evangelize through the empowering of all you, the baptized, to take up your roles as salt of the earth and light of the world wherever you find yourselves”.[31] 34. Do not be afraid to set your sights higher, to allow yourself to be loved and liberated by God. Do not be afraid to let yourself be guided by the Holy Spirit. Holiness does not make you less human, since it is an encounter between your weakness and the power of God’s grace. For in the words of León Bloy, when all is said and done, “the only great tragedy in life, is not to become a saint”.[32] CHAPTER TWO TWO SUBTLE ENEMIES OF HOLINESS 35. Here I would like to mention two false forms of holiness that can lead us astray: gnosticism and pelagianism. They are two heresies from early Christian times, yet they continue to plague us. In our times too, many Christians, perhaps without realizing it, can be seduced by these deceptive ideas, which reflect an anthropocentric immanentism disguised as Catholic truth.[33] Let us take a look at these two forms of doctrinal or disciplinary security that give rise “toa narcissistic and authoritarian elitism, whereby instead of evangelizing, one analyses and classifies others, and instead of opening the door to grace, one exhausts his or her energies in inspecting and verifying. In neither case is one really concerned about Jesus Christ or others”.[34] CONTEMPORARY GNOSTICISM 36. Gnosticism presumes “a purely subjective faith whose only interest is a certain experience or a set of ideas and bits of information which are meant to console and enlighten, but which ultimately keep one imprisoned in his or her own thoughts and feelings”.[35] An intellect without God and without flesh 37. Thanks be to God, throughout the history of the Church it has always been clear that a person’s perfection is measured not by the information or knowledge they possess, but by the depth of their charity. “Gnostics” do not understand this, because they judge others based on their ability to understand the complexity of certain doctrines. They think of the intellect as separate from the flesh, and thus become incapable of touching Christ’s suffering flesh in others, locked up as they are in an encyclopaedia of abstractions. In the end, by disembodying the mystery, they prefer “a God without Christ, a Christ without the Church, a Church without her people”.[36] 38. Certainly this is a superficial conceit: there is much movement on the surface, but the mind is neither deeply moved nor affected. Still, gnosticism exercises a deceptive attraction for some people, since the gnostic approach is strict and allegedly pure, and can appear to possess a certain harmony or order that encompasses everything. 39. Here we have to be careful. I am not referring to a rationalism inimical to Christian faith. It can be present within the Church, both among the laity in parishes and teachers of philosophy and theology in centres of formation. Gnostics think that their explanations can make the entirety of the faith and the Gospel perfectly comprehensible. They absolutize their own theories and force others to submit to their way of thinking. A healthy and humble use of reason in order to reflect on the theological and moral teaching of the Gospel is one thing. It is another to reduce Jesus’ teaching to a cold and harsh logic that seeks to dominate everything.[37] A doctrine without mystery 40. Gnosticism is one of the most sinister ideologies because, while unduly exalting knowledge or a specific experience, it considers its own vision of reality to be perfect. Thus, perhaps without even realizing it, this ideology feeds on itself and becomes even more myopic. It can become all the more illusory when it masks itself as a disembodied spirituality. For gnosticism “by its very nature seeks to domesticate the mystery”,[38] whether the mystery of God and his grace, or the mystery of others’ lives. 41. When somebody has an answer for every question, it is a sign that they are not on the right road. They may well be false prophets, who use religion for their own purposes, to promote their own psychological or intellectual theories. God infinitely transcends us; he is full of surprises. We are not the ones to determine when and how we will encounter him; the exact times and places of that encounter are not up to us. Someone who wants everything to be clear and sure presumes to control God’s transcendence. 42. Nor can we claim to say where God is not, because God is mysteriously present in the life of every person, in a way that he himself chooses, and we cannot exclude this by our presumed certainties. Even when someone’s life appears completely wrecked, even when we see it devastated by vices or addictions, God is present there. If we let ourselves be guided by the Spirit rather than our own preconceptions, we can and must try to find the Lord in every human life. This is part of the mystery that a gnostic mentality cannot accept, since it is beyond its control. The limits of reason 43. It is not easy to grasp the truth that we have received from the Lord. And it is even more difficult to express it. So we cannot claim that our way of understanding this truth authorizes us to exercise a strict supervision over others’ lives. Here I would note that in the Church there legitimately coexist different ways of interpreting many aspects of doctrine and Christian life; in their variety, they “help to express more clearly the immense riches of God’s word”. It is true that “for those who long for a monolithic body of doctrine guarded by all and leaving no room for nuance, this might appear as undesirable and leading to confusion”.[39] Indeed, some currents of gnosticism scorned the concrete simplicity of the Gospel and attempted to replace the trinitarian and incarnate God with a superior Unity, wherein the rich diversity of our history disappeared. 44. In effect, doctrine, or better, our understanding and expression of it, “is not a closed system, devoid of the dynamic capacity to pose questions, doubts, inquiries… The questions of our people, their suffering, their struggles, their dreams, their trials and their worries, all possess an interpretational value that we cannot ignore if we want to take the principle of the incarnation seriously. Their wondering helps us to wonder, their questions question us”.[40] 45. A dangerous confusion can arise. We can think that because we know something, or are able to explain it in certain terms, we are already saints, perfect and better than the “ignorant masses”. Saint John Paul II warned of the temptation on the part of those in the Church who are more highly educated “to feel somehow superior to other members of the faithful”.[41] In point of fact, what we think we know should always motivate us to respond more fully to God’s love. Indeed, “you learn so as to live: theology and holiness are inseparable”.[42] 46. When Saint Francis of Assisi saw that some of his disciples were engaged in teaching, he wanted to avoid the temptation to gnosticism. He wrote to Saint Anthony of Padua: “I am pleased that you teach sacred theology to the brothers, provided that… you do not extinguish the spirit of prayer and devotion during study of this kind”.[43] Francis recognized the temptation to turn the Christian experience into a set of intellectual exercises that distance us from the freshness of the Gospel. Saint Bonaventure, on the other hand, pointed out that true Christian wisdom can never be separated from mercy towards our neighbour: “The greatest possible wisdom is to share fruitfully what we have to give… Even as mercy is the companion of wisdom, avarice is its enemy”.[44]“There are activities that, united to contemplation, do not prevent the latter, but rather facilitate it, such as works of mercy and devotion”.[45] CONTEMPORARY PELAGIANISM 47. Gnosticism gave way to another heresy, likewise present in our day. As time passed, many came to realize that it is not knowledge that betters us or makes us saints, but the kind of life we lead. But this subtly led back to the old error of the gnostics, which was simply transformed rather than eliminated. 48. The same power that the gnostics attributed to the intellect, others now began to attribute to the human will, to personal effort. This was the case with the pelagians and semi-pelagians. Now it was not intelligence that took the place of mystery and grace, but our human will. It was forgotten that everything “depends not on human will or exertion, but on God who shows mercy” (Rom 9:16) and that “he first loved us” (cf. 1 Jn 4:19). A will lacking humility 49. Those who yield to this pelagian or semi-pelagian mindset, even though they speak warmly of God’s grace, “ultimately trust only in their own powers and feel superior to others because they observe certain rules or remain intransigently faithful to a particular Catholic style”.[46] When some of them tell the weak that all things can be accomplished with God’s grace, deep down they tend to give the idea that all things are possible by the human will, as if it were something pure, perfect, all-powerful, to which grace is then added. They fail to realize that “not everyone can do everything”,[47] and that in this life human weaknesses are not healed completely and once for all by grace.[48] In every case, as Saint Augustine taught, God commands you to do what you can and to ask for what you cannot,[49] and indeed to pray to him humbly: “Grant what you command, and command what you will”.[50] 50. Ultimately, the lack of a heartfelt and prayerful acknowledgment of our limitations prevents grace from working more effectively within us, for no room is left for bringing about the potential good that is part of a sincere and genuine journey of growth.[51]Grace, precisely because it builds on nature, does not make us superhuman all at once. That kind of thinking would show too much confidence in our own abilities. Underneath our orthodoxy, our attitudes might not correspond to our talk about the need for grace, and in specific situations we can end up putting little trust in it. Unless we can acknowledge our concrete and limited situation, we will not be able to see the real and possible steps that the Lord demands of us at every moment, once we are attracted and empowered by his gift. Grace acts in history; ordinarily it takes hold of us and transforms us progressively.[52] If we reject this historical and progressive reality, we can actually refuse and block grace, even as we extol it by our words. 51. When God speaks to Abraham, he tells him: “I am God Almighty, walk before me, and be blameless” (Gen 17:1). In order to be blameless, as he would have us, we need to live humbly in his presence, cloaked in his glory; we need to walk in union with him, recognizing his constant love in our lives. We need to lose our fear before that presence which can only be for our good. God is the Father who gave us life and loves us greatly. Once we accept him, and stop trying to live our lives without him, the anguish of loneliness will disappear (cf. Ps 139:23-24). In this way we will know the pleasing and perfect will of the Lord (cf. Rom 12:1-2) and allow him to mould us like a potter (cf. Is 29:16). So often we say that God dwells in us, but it is better to say that we dwell in him, that he enables us to dwell in his light and love. He is our temple; we ask to dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of our life (cf. Ps 27:4). “For one day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere” (Ps 84:10). In him is our holiness. An often overlooked Church teaching 52. The Church has repeatedly taught that we are justified not by our own works or efforts, but by the grace of the Lord, who always takes the initiative. The Fathers of the Church, even before Saint Augustine, clearly expressed this fundamental belief. Saint John Chrysostom said that God pours into us the very source of all his gifts even before we enter into battle.[53] Saint Basil the Great remarked that the faithful glory in God alone, for “they realize that they lack true justice and are justified only through faith in Christ”.[54] 53. The Second Synod of Orange taught with firm authority that nothing human can demand, merit or buy the gift of divine grace, and that all cooperation with it is a prior gift of that same grace: “Even the desire to be cleansed comes about in us through the outpouring and working of the Holy Spirit”.[55] Subsequently, the Council of Trent, while emphasizing the importance of our cooperation for spiritual growth, reaffirmed that dogmatic teaching: “We are said to be justified gratuitously because nothing that precedes justification, neither faith nor works, merits the grace of justification; for ‘if it is by grace, it is no longer on the basis of works; otherwise, grace would no longer be grace’ (Rom 11:6)”.[56] 54. The Catechism of the Catholic Church also reminds us that the gift of grace “surpasses the power of human intellect and will”[57] and that “with regard to God, there is no strict right to any merit on the part of man. Between God and us there is an immeasurable inequality”.[58] His friendship infinitely transcends us; we cannot buy it with our works, it can only be a gift born of his loving initiative. This invites us to live in joyful gratitude for this completely unmerited gift, since “after one has grace, the grace already possessed cannot come under merit”.[59] The saints avoided putting trust in their own works: “In the evening of this life, I shall appear before you empty-handed, for I do not ask you, Lord, to count my works. All our justices have stains in your sight”.[60] 55. This is one of the great convictions that the Church has come firmly to hold. It is so clearly expressed in the word of God that there can be no question of it. Like the supreme commandment of love, this truth should affect the way we live, for it flows from the heart of the Gospel and demands that we not only accept it intellectually but also make it a source of contagious joy. Yet we cannot celebrate this free gift of the Lord’s friendship unless we realize that our earthly life and our natural abilities are his gift. We need “to acknowledge jubilantly that our life is essentially a gift, and recognize that our freedom is a grace. This is not easy today, in a world that thinks it can keep something for itself, the fruits of its own creativity or freedom”.[61] 56. Only on the basis of God’s gift, freely accepted and humbly received, can we cooperate by our own efforts in our progressive transformation.[62] We must first belong to God, offering ourselves to him who was there first, and entrusting to him our abilities, our efforts, our struggle against evil and our creativity, so that his free gift may grow and develop within us: “I appeal to you, therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God” (Rom 12:1). For that matter, the Church has always taught that charity alone makes growth in the life of grace possible, for “if I do not have love, I am nothing” (1 Cor 13:2). New pelagians 57. Still, some Christians insist on taking another path, that of justification by their own efforts, the worship of the human will and their own abilities. The result is a self-centred and elitist complacency, bereft of true love. This finds expression in a variety of apparently unconnected ways of thinking and acting: an obsession with the law, an absorption with social and political advantages, a punctilious concern for the Church’s liturgy, doctrine and prestige, a vanity about the ability to manage practical matters, and an excessive concern with programmes of self-help and personal fulfilment. Some Christians spend their time and energy on these things, rather than letting themselves be led by the Spirit in the way of love, rather than being passionate about communicating the beauty and the joy of the Gospel and seeking out the lost among the immense crowds that thirst for Christ.[63] 58. Not infrequently, contrary to the promptings of the Spirit, the life of the Church can become a museum piece or the possession of a select few. This can occur when some groups of Christians give excessive importance to certain rules, customs or ways of acting. The Gospel then tends to be reduced and constricted, deprived of its simplicity, allure and savour. This may well be a subtle form of pelagianism, for it appears to subject the life of grace to certain human structures. It can affect groups, movements and communities, and it explains why so often they begin with an intense life in the Spirit, only to end up fossilized… or corrupt. 59. Once we believe that everything depends on human effort as channelled by ecclesial rules and structures, we unconsciously complicate the Gospel and become enslaved to a blueprint that leaves few openings for the working of grace. Saint Thomas Aquinas reminded us that the precepts added to the Gospel by the Church should be imposed with moderation “lest the conduct of the faithful become burdensome”, for then our religion would become a form of servitude.[64] The summation of the Law 60. To avoid this, we do well to keep reminding ourselves that there is a hierarchy of virtues that bids us seek what is essential. The primacy belongs to the theological virtues, which have God as their object and motive. At the centre is charity. Saint Paul says that what truly counts is “faith working through love” (Gal 5:6). We are called to make every effort to preserve charity: “The one who loves another has fulfilled the law… for love is the fulfilment of the law” (Rom 13:8.10). “For the whole law is summed up in a single commandment, ‘You shall love your neighbour as yourself’” (Gal 5:14). 61. In other words, amid the thicket of precepts and prescriptions, Jesus clears a way to seeing two faces, that of the Father and that of our brother. He does not give us two more formulas or two more commands. He gives us two faces, or better yet, one alone: the face of God reflected in so many other faces. For in every one of our brothers and sisters, especially the least, the most vulnerable, the defenceless and those in need, God’s very image is found. Indeed, with the scraps of this frail humanity, the Lord will shape his final work of art. For “what endures, what has value in life, what riches do not disappear? Surely these two: the Lord and our neighbour. These two riches do not disappear!”[65] 62. May the Lord set the Church free from these new forms of gnosticism and pelagianism that weigh her down and block her progress along the path to holiness! These aberrations take various shapes, according to the temperament and character of each person. So I encourage everyone to reflect and discern before God whether they may be present in their lives. CHAPTER THREE IN THE LIGHT OF THE MASTER 63. There can be any number of theories about what constitutes holiness, with various explanations and distinctions. Such reflection may be useful, but nothing is more enlightening than turning to Jesus’ words and seeing his way of teaching the truth. Jesus explained with great simplicity what it means to be holy when he gave us the Beatitudes (cf. Mt 5:3-12; Lk 6:20-23). The Beatitudes are like a Christian’s identity card. So if anyone asks: “What must one do to be a good Christian?”, the answer is clear. We have to do, each in our own way, what Jesus told us in the Sermon on the Mount.[66] In the Beatitudes, we find a portrait of the Master, which we are called to reflect in our daily lives. 64. The word “happy” or “blessed” thus becomes a synonym for “holy”. It expresses the fact that those faithful to God and his word, by their self-giving, gain true happiness. GOING AGAINST THE FLOW 65. Although Jesus’ words may strike us as poetic, they clearly run counter to the way things are usually done in our world. Even if we find Jesus’ message attractive, the world pushes us towards another way of living. The Beatitudes are in no way trite or undemanding, quite the opposite. We can only practise them if the Holy Spirit fills us with his power and frees us from our weakness, our selfishness, our complacency and our pride. 66. Let us listen once more to Jesus, with all the love and respect that the Master deserves. Let us allow his words to unsettle us, to challenge us and to demand a real change in the way we live. Otherwise, holiness will remain no more than an empty word. We turn now to the individual Beatitudes in the Gospel of Matthew (cf. Mt 5:3-12).[67] “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” 67. The Gospel invites us to peer into the depths of our heart, to see where we find our security in life. Usually the rich feel secure in their wealth, and think that, if that wealth is threatened, the whole meaning of their earthly life can collapse. Jesus himself tells us this in the parable of the rich fool: he speaks of a man who was sure of himself, yet foolish, for it did not dawn on him that he might die that very day (cf. Lk 12:16-21). 68. Wealth ensures nothing. Indeed, once we think we are rich, we can become so self-satisfied that we leave no room for God’s word, for the love of our brothers and sisters, or for the enjoyment of the most important things in life. In this way, we miss out on the greatest treasure of all. That is why Jesus calls blessed those who are poor in spirit, those who have a poor heart, for there the Lord can enter with his perennial newness. 69. This spiritual poverty is closely linked to what Saint Ignatius of Loyola calls “holy indifference”, which brings us to a radiant interior freedom: “We need to train ourselves to be indifferent in our attitude to all created things, in all that is permitted to our free will and not forbidden; so that on our part, we do not set our hearts on good health rather than bad, riches rather than poverty, honour rather than dishonour, a long life rather than a short one, and so in all the rest”.[68] 70. Luke does not speak of poverty “of spirit” but simply of those who are “poor” (cf. Lk 6:20). In this way, he too invites us to live a plain and austere life. He calls us to share in the life of those most in need, the life lived by the Apostles, and ultimately to configure ourselves to Jesus who, though rich, “made himself poor” (2 Cor 8:9). Being poor of heart: that is holiness. “Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth” 71. These are strong words in a world that from the beginning has been a place of conflict, disputes and enmity on all sides, where we constantly pigeonhole others on the basis of their ideas, their customs and even their way of speaking or dressing. Ultimately, it is the reign of pride and vanity, where each person thinks he or she has the right to dominate others. Nonetheless, impossible as it may seem, Jesus proposes a different way of doing things: the way of meekness. This is what we see him doing with his disciples. It is what we contemplate on his entrance to Jerusalem: “Behold, your king is coming to you, humble, and mounted on a donkey” (Mt 21:5; Zech 9:9). 72. Christ says: “Learn from me; for I am gentle and humble of heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (Mt 11:29). If we are constantly upset and impatient with others, we will end up drained and weary. But if we regard the faults and limitations of others with tenderness and meekness, without an air of superiority, we can actually help them and stop wasting our energy on useless complaining. Saint Thérèse of Lisieux tells us that “perfect charity consists in putting up with others’ mistakes, and not being scandalized by their faults”.[69] 73. Paul speaks of meekness as one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit (cf. Gal 5:23). He suggests that, if a wrongful action of one of our brothers or sisters troubles us, we should try to correct them, but “with a spirit of meekness”, since “you too could be tempted” (Gal6:1). Even when we defend our faith and convictions, we are to do so “with meekness” (cf. 1 Pet 3:16). Our enemies too are to be treated “with meekness” (2 Tim 2:25). In the Church we have often erred by not embracing this demand of God’s word. 74. Meekness is yet another expression of the interior poverty of those who put their trust in God alone. Indeed, in the Bible the same word – anawim – usually refers both to the poor and to the meek. Someone might object: “If I am that meek, they will think that I am an idiot, a fool or a weakling”. At times they may, but so be it. It is always better to be meek, for then our deepest desires will be fulfilled. The meek “shall inherit the earth”, for they will see God’s promises accomplished in their lives. In every situation, the meek put their hope in the Lord, and those who hope for him shall possess the land… and enjoy the fullness of peace (cf. Ps37:9.11). For his part, the Lord trusts in them: “This is the one to whom I will look, to the humble and contrite in spirit, who trembles at my word” (Is 66:2). Reacting with meekness and humility: that is holiness. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted” 75. The world tells us exactly the opposite: entertainment, pleasure, diversion and escape make for the good life. The worldly person ignores problems of sickness or sorrow in the family or all around him; he averts his gaze. The world has no desire to mourn; it would rather disregard painful situations, cover them up or hide them. Much energy is expended on fleeing from situations of suffering in the belief that reality can be concealed. But the cross can never be absent. 76. A person who sees things as they truly are and sympathizes with pain and sorrow is capable of touching life’s depths and finding authentic happiness.[70] He or she is consoled, not by the world but by Jesus. Such persons are unafraid to share in the suffering of others; they do not flee from painful situations. They discover the meaning of life by coming to the aid of those who suffer, understanding their anguish and bringing relief. They sense that the other is flesh of our flesh, and are not afraid to draw near, even to touch their wounds. They feel compassion for others in such a way that all distance vanishes. In this way they can embrace Saint Paul’s exhortation: “Weep with those who weep” (Rom 12:15). Knowing how to mourn with others: that is holiness. “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled” 77. Hunger and thirst are intense experiences, since they involve basic needs and our instinct for survival. There are those who desire justice and yearn for righteousness with similar intensity. Jesus says that they will be satisfied, for sooner or later justice will come. We can cooperate to make that possible, even if we may not always see the fruit of our efforts. 78. Jesus offers a justice other than that of the world, so often marred by petty interests and manipulated in various ways. Experience shows how easy it is to become mired in corruption, ensnared in the daily politics of quid pro quo, where everything becomes business. How many people suffer injustice, standing by powerlessly while others divvy up the good things of this life. Some give up fighting for real justice and opt to follow in the train of the winners. This has nothing to do with the hunger and thirst for justice that Jesus praises. 79. True justice comes about in people’s lives when they themselves are just in their decisions; it is expressed in their pursuit of justice for the poor and the weak. While it is true that the word “justice” can be a synonym for faithfulness to God’s will in every aspect of our life, if we give the word too general a meaning, we forget that it is shown especially in justice towards those who are most vulnerable: “Seek justice, correct oppression; defend the fatherless, plead for the widow” (Is 1:17). Hungering and thirsting for righteousness: that is holiness. “Blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy” 80. Mercy has two aspects. It involves giving, helping and serving others, but it also includes forgiveness and understanding. Matthew sums it up in one golden rule: “In everything, do to others as you would have them do to you” (7:12). The Catechism reminds us that this law is to be applied “in every case”,[71]especially when we are “confronted by situations that make moral judgments less assured and decision difficult”.[72] 81. Giving and forgiving means reproducing in our lives some small measure of God’s perfection, which gives and forgives superabundantly. For this reason, in the Gospel of Luke we do not hear the words, “Be perfect” (Mt 5:48), but rather, “Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful. Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; give, and it will be given to you” (6:36-38). Luke then adds something not to be overlooked: “The measure you give will be the measure you get back” (6:38). The yardstick we use for understanding and forgiving others will measure the forgiveness we receive. The yardstick we use for giving will measure what we receive. We should never forget this. 82. Jesus does not say, “Blessed are those who plot revenge”. He calls “blessed” those who forgive and do so “seventy times seven” (Mt 18:22). We need to think of ourselves as an army of the forgiven. All of us have been looked upon with divine compassion. If we approach the Lord with sincerity and listen carefully, there may well be times when we hear his reproach: “Should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?” (Mt 18:33). Seeing and acting with mercy: that is holiness. “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God” 83. This Beatitude speaks of those whose hearts are simple, pure and undefiled, for a heart capable of love admits nothing that might harm, weaken or endanger that love. The Bible uses the heart to describe our real intentions, the things we truly seek and desire, apart from all appearances. “Man sees the appearance, but the Lord looks into the heart” (1Sam 16:7). God wants to speak to our hearts (cf. Hos 2:16); there he desires to write his law (cf. Jer 31:33). In a word, he wants to give us a new heart (cf. Ezek36:26). 84. “Guard your heart with all vigilance” (Prov 4:23). Nothing stained by falsehood has any real worth in the Lord’s eyes. He “flees from deceit, and rises and departs from foolish thoughts” (Wis 1:5). The Father, “who sees in secret” (Mt 6:6), recognizes what is impure and insincere, mere display or appearance, as does the Son, who knows “what is in man” (cf. Jn 2:25). 85. Certainly there can be no love without works of love, but this Beatitude reminds us that the Lord expects a commitment to our brothers and sisters that comes from the heart. For “if I give away all I have, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but have no love, I gain nothing” (1 Cor 13:3). In Matthew’s Gospel too, we see that what proceeds from the heart is what defiles a person (cf. 15:18), for from the heart come murder, theft, false witness, and other evil deeds (cf. 15:19). From the heart’s intentions come the desires and the deepest decisions that determine our actions. 86. A heart that loves God and neighbour (cf. Mt 22:36-40), genuinely and not merely in words, is a pure heart; it can see God. In his hymn to charity, Saint Paul says that “now we see in a mirror, dimly” (1 Cor 13:12), but to the extent that truth and love prevail, we will then be able to see “face to face”. Jesus promises that those who are pure in heart “will see God”. Keeping a heart free of all that tarnishes love: that is holiness. “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God” 87. This Beatitude makes us think of the many endless situations of war in our world. Yet we ourselves are often a cause of conflict or at least of misunderstanding. For example, I may hear something about someone and I go off and repeat it. I may even embellish it the second time around and keep spreading it… And the more harm it does, the more satisfaction I seem to derive from it. The world of gossip, inhabited by negative and destructive people, does not bring peace. Such people are really the enemies of peace; in no way are they “blessed”.[73] 88. Peacemakers truly “make” peace; they build peace and friendship in society. To those who sow peace Jesus makes this magnificent promise: “They will be called children of God” (Mt 5:9). He told his disciples that, wherever they went, they were to say: “Peace to this house!” (Lk 10:5). The word of God exhorts every believer to work for peace, “along with all who call upon the Lord with a pure heart” (cf. 2 Tim 2:22), for “the harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace” (Jas 3:18). And if there are times in our community when we question what ought to be done, “let us pursue what makes for peace” (Rom 14:19), for unity is preferable to conflict.[74] 89. It is not easy to “make” this evangelical peace, which excludes no one but embraces even those who are a bit odd, troublesome or difficult, demanding, different, beaten down by life or simply uninterested. It is hard work; it calls for great openness of mind and heart, since it is not about creating “a consensus on paper or a transient peace for a contented minority”,[75] or a project “by a few for the few”.[76] Nor can it attempt to ignore or disregard conflict; instead, it must “face conflict head on, resolve it and make it a link in the chain of a new process”.[77] We need to be artisans of peace, for building peace is a craft that demands serenity, creativity, sensitivity and skill. Sowing peace all around us: that is holiness. “Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” 90. Jesus himself warns us that the path he proposes goes against the flow, even making us challenge society by the way we live and, as a result, becoming a nuisance. He reminds us how many people have been, and still are, persecuted simply because they struggle for justice, because they take seriously their commitment to God and to others. Unless we wish to sink into an obscure mediocrity, let us not long for an easy life, for “whoever would save his life will lose it” (Mt 16:25). 91. In living the Gospel, we cannot expect that everything will be easy, for the thirst for power and worldly interests often stands in our way. Saint John Paul II noted that “a society is alienated if its forms of social organization, production and consumption make it more difficult to offer this gift of self and to establish this solidarity between people”.[78] In such a society, politics, mass communications and economic, cultural and even religious institutions become so entangled as to become an obstacle to authentic human and social development. As a result, the Beatitudes are not easy to live out; any attempt to do so will be viewed negatively, regarded with suspicion, and met with ridicule. 92. Whatever weariness and pain we may experience in living the commandment of love and following the way of justice, the cross remains the source of our growth and sanctification. We must never forget that when the New Testament tells us that we will have to endure suffering for the Gospel’s sake, it speaks precisely of persecution (cf. Acts 5:41; Phil 1:29; Col 1:24; 2 Tim 1:12; 1 Pet 2:20, 4:14-16; Rev 2:10). 93. Here we are speaking about inevitable persecution, not the kind of persecution we might bring upon ourselves by our mistreatment of others. The saints are not odd and aloof, unbearable because of their vanity, negativity and bitterness. The Apostles of Christ were not like that. The Book of Acts states repeatedly that they enjoyed favour “with all the people” (2:47; cf. 4:21.33; 5:13), even as some authorities harassed and persecuted them (cf. 4:1-3, 5:17-18). 94. Persecutions are not a reality of the past, for today too we experience them, whether by the shedding of blood, as is the case with so many contemporary martyrs, or by more subtle means, by slander and lies. Jesus calls us blessed when people “utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account” (Mt 5:11). At other times, persecution can take the form of gibes that try to caricature our faith and make us seem ridiculous. Accepting daily the path of the Gospel, even though it may cause us problems: that is holiness. THE GREAT CRITERION 95. In the twenty-fifth chapter of Matthew’s Gospel (vv. 31-46), Jesus expands on the Beatitude that calls the merciful blessed. If we seek the holiness pleasing to God’s eyes, this text offers us one clear criterion on which we will be judged. “I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me” (vv. 35-36). In fidelity to the Master 96. Holiness, then, is not about swooning in mystic rapture. As Saint John Paul II said: “If we truly start out anew from the contemplation of Christ, we must learn to see him especially in the faces of those with whom he himself wished to be identified”.[79] The text of Matthew 25:35-36 is “not a simple invitation to charity: it is a page of Christology which sheds a ray of light on the mystery of Christ”.[80] In this call to recognize him in the poor and the suffering, we see revealed the very heart of Christ, his deepest feelings and choices, which every saint seeks to imitate. 97. Given these uncompromising demands of Jesus, it is my duty to ask Christians to acknowledge and accept them in a spirit of genuine openness, sine glossa. In other words, without any “ifs or buts” that could lessen their force. Our Lord made it very clear that holiness cannot be understood or lived apart from these demands, for mercy is “the beating heart of the Gospel”.[81] 98. If I encounter a person sleeping outdoors on a cold night, I can view him or her as an annoyance, an idler, an obstacle in my path, a troubling sight, a problem for politicians to sort out, or even a piece of refuse cluttering a public space. Or I can respond with faith and charity, and see in this person a human being with a dignity identical to my own, a creature infinitely loved by the Father, an image of God, a brother or sister redeemed by Jesus Christ. That is what it is to be a Christian! Can holiness somehow be understood apart from this lively recognition of the dignity of each human being?[82] 99. For Christians, this involves a constant and healthy unease. Even if helping one person alone could justify all our efforts, it would not be enough. The bishops of Canada made this clear when they noted, for example, that the biblical understanding of the jubilee year was about more than simply performing certain good works. It also meant seeking social change: “For later generations to also be released, clearly the goal had to be the restoration of just social and economic systems, so there could no longer be exclusion”.[83] Ideologies striking at the heart of the Gospel 100. I regret that ideologies lead us at times to two harmful errors. On the one hand, there is the error of those Christians who separate these Gospel demands from their personal relationship with the Lord, from their interior union with him, from openness to his grace. Christianity thus becomes a sort of NGO stripped of the luminous mysticism so evident in the lives of Saint Francis of Assisi, Saint Vincent de Paul, Saint Teresa of Calcutta, and many others. For these great saints, mental prayer, the love of God and the reading of the Gospel in no way detracted from their passionate and effective commitment to their neighbours; quite the opposite. 101. The other harmful ideological error is found in those who find suspect the social engagement of others, seeing it as superficial, worldly, secular, materialist, communist or populist. Or they relativize it, as if there are other more important matters, or the only thing that counts is one particular ethical issue or cause that they themselves defend. Our defence of the innocent unborn, for example, needs to be clear, firm and passionate, for at stake is the dignity of a human life, which is always sacred and demands love for each person, regardless of his or her stage of development. Equally sacred, however, are the lives of the poor, those already born, the destitute, the abandoned and the underprivileged, the vulnerable infirm and elderly exposed to covert euthanasia, the victims of human trafficking, new forms of slavery, and every form of rejection.[84] We cannot uphold an ideal of holiness that would ignore injustice in a world where some revel, spend with abandon and live only for the latest consumer goods, even as others look on from afar, living their entire lives in abject poverty. 102. We often hear it said that, with respect to relativism and the flaws of our present world, the situation of migrants, for example, is a lesser issue. Some Catholics consider it a secondary issue compared to the “grave” bioethical questions. That a politician looking for votes might say such a thing is understandable, but not a Christian, for whom the only proper attitude is to stand in the shoes of those brothers and sisters of ours who risk their lives to offer a future to their children. Can we not realize that this is exactly what Jesus demands of us, when he tells us that in welcoming the stranger we welcome him (cf. Mt 25:35)? Saint Benedict did so readily, and though it might have “complicated” the life of his monks, he ordered that all guests who knocked at the monastery door be welcomed “like Christ”,[85] with a gesture of veneration;[86] the poor and pilgrims were to be met with “the greatest care and solicitude”.[87] 103. A similar approach is found in the Old Testament: “You shall not wrong a stranger or oppress him, for you yourselves were strangers in the land of Egypt” (Ex 22:21). “When a stranger resides with you in your land, you shall not oppress him. The stranger who resides with you shall be to you as the citizen among you; and you shall love him as yourself; for you were strangers in the land of Egypt” (Lev 19:33-34). This is not a notion invented by some Pope, or a momentary fad. In today’s world too, we are called to follow the path of spiritual wisdom proposed by the prophet Isaiah to show what is pleasing to God. “Is it not to share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own kin? Then your light shall break forth like the dawn” (58:7-8). The worship most acceptable to God 104. We may think that we give glory to God only by our worship and prayer, or simply by following certain ethical norms. It is true that the primacy belongs to our relationship with God, but we cannot forget that the ultimate criterion on which our lives will be judged is what we have done for others. Prayer is most precious, for it nourishes a daily commitment to love. Our worship becomes pleasing to God when we devote ourselves to living generously, and allow God’s gift, granted in prayer, to be shown in our concern for our brothers and sisters. 105. Similarly, the best way to discern if our prayer is authentic is to judge to what extent our life is being transformed in the light of mercy. For “mercy is not only an action of the Father; it becomes a criterion for ascertaining who his true children are”.[88]Mercy “is the very foundation of the Church’s life”.[89] In this regard, I would like to reiterate that mercy does not exclude justice and truth; indeed, “we have to say that mercy is the fullness of justice and the most radiant manifestation of God’s truth”.[90] It is “the key to heaven”.[91] 106. Here I think of Saint Thomas Aquinas, who asked which actions of ours are noblest, which external works best show our love for God. Thomas answered unhesitatingly that they are the works of mercy towards our neighbour,[92] even more than our acts of worship: “We worship God by outward sacrifices and gifts, not for his own benefit, but for that of ourselves and our neighbour. For he does not need our sacrifices, but wishes them to be offered to him, in order to stir our devotion and to profit our neighbour. Hence mercy, whereby we supply others’ defects, is a sacrifice more acceptable to him, as conducing more directly to our neighbour’s well-being”.[93] 107. Those who really wish to give glory to God by their lives, who truly long to grow in holiness, are called to be single-minded and tenacious in their practice of the works of mercy. Saint Teresa of Calcutta clearly realized this: “Yes, I have many human faults and failures… But God bends down and uses us, you and me, to be his love and his compassion in the world; he bears our sins, our troubles and our faults. He depends on us to love the world and to show how much he loves it. If we are too concerned with ourselves, we will have no time left for others”.[94] 108. Hedonism and consumerism can prove our downfall, for when we are obsessed with our own pleasure, we end up being all too concerned about ourselves and our rights, and we feel a desperate need for free time to enjoy ourselves. We will find it hard to feel and show any real concern for those in need, unless we are able to cultivate a certain simplicity of life, resisting the feverish demands of a consumer society, which leave us impoverished and unsatisfied, anxious to have it all now. Similarly, when we allow ourselves to be caught up in superficial information, instant communication and virtual reality, we can waste precious time and become indifferent to the suffering flesh of our brothers and sisters. Yet even amid this whirlwind of activity, the Gospel continues to resound, offering us the promise of a different life, a healthier and happier life. * * * 109. The powerful witness of the saints is revealed in their lives, shaped by the Beatitudes and the criterion of the final judgement. Jesus’ words are few and straightforward, yet practical and valid for everyone, for Christianity is meant above all to be put into practice. It can also be an object of study and reflection, but only to help us better live the Gospel in our daily lives. I recommend rereading these great biblical texts frequently, referring back to them, praying with them, trying to embody them. They will benefit us; they will make us genuinely happy. CHAPTER FOUR SIGNS OF HOLINESS IN TODAY’S WORLD 110. Within the framework of holiness offered by the Beatitudes and Matthew 25:31-46, I would like to mention a few signs or spiritual attitudes that, in my opinion, are necessary if we are to understand the way of life to which the Lord calls us. I will not pause to explain the means of sanctification already known to us: the various methods of prayer, the inestimable sacraments of the Eucharist and Reconciliation, the offering of personal sacrifices, different forms of devotion, spiritual direction, and many others as well. Here I will speak only of certain aspects of the call to holiness that I hope will prove especially meaningful. 111. The signs I wish to highlight are not the sum total of a model of holiness, but they are five great expressions of love for God and neighbour that I consider of particular importance in the light of certain dangers and limitations present in today’s culture. There we see a sense of anxiety, sometimes violent, that distracts and debilitates; negativity and sullenness; the self-content bred by consumerism; individualism; and all those forms of ersatz spirituality – having nothing to do with God – that dominate the current religious marketplace. PERSEVERANCE, PATIENCE AND MEEKNESS 112. The first of these great signs is solid grounding in the God who loves and sustains us. This source of inner strength enables us to persevere amid life’s ups and downs, but also to endure hostility, betrayal and failings on the part of others. “If God is for us, who is against us?” (Rom 8:31): this is the source of the peace found in the saints. Such inner strength makes it possible for us, in our fast-paced, noisy and aggressive world, to give a witness of holiness through patience and constancy in doing good. It is a sign of the fidelity born of love, for those who put their faith in God (pístis) can also be faithful to others (pistós). They do not desert others in bad times; they accompany them in their anxiety and distress, even though doing so may not bring immediate satisfaction. 113. Saint Paul bade the Romans not to repay evil for evil (cf. Rom 12:17), not to seek revenge (v. 19), and not to be overcome by evil, but instead to “overcome evil with good” (v. 21). This attitude is not a sign of weakness but of true strength, because God himself “is slow to anger but great in power” (Nah 1:3). The word of God exhorts us to “put away all bitterness and wrath and wrangling and slander, together with all malice” (Eph 4:31). 114. We need to recognize and combat our aggressive and selfish inclinations, and not let them take root. “Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger” (Eph 4:26). When we feel overwhelmed, we can always cling to the anchor of prayer, which puts us back in God’s hands and the source of our peace. “Have no anxiety about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts…” (Phil 4:6-7). 115. Christians too can be caught up in networks of verbal violence through the internet and the various forums of digital communication. Even in Catholic media, limits can be overstepped, defamation and slander can become commonplace, and all ethical standards and respect for the good name of others can be abandoned. The result is a dangerous dichotomy, since things can be said there that would be unacceptable in public discourse, and people look to compensate for their own discontent by lashing out at others. It is striking that at times, in claiming to uphold the other commandments, they completely ignore the eighth, which forbids bearing false witness or lying, and ruthlessly vilify others. Here we see how the unguarded tongue, set on fire by hell, sets all things ablaze (cf. Jas 3:6). 116. Inner strength, as the work of grace, prevents us from becoming carried away by the violence that is so much a part of life today, because grace defuses vanity and makes possible meekness of heart. The saints do not waste energy complaining about the failings of others; they can hold their tongue before the faults of their brothers and sisters, and avoid the verbal violence that demeans and mistreats others. Saints hesitate to treat others harshly; they consider others better than themselves (cf. Phil 2:3). 117. It is not good when we look down on others like heartless judges, lording it over them and always trying to teach them lessons. That is itself a subtle form of violence.[95] Saint John of the Cross proposed a different path: “Always prefer to be taught by all, rather than to desire teaching even the least of all”.[96] And he added advice on how to keep the devil at bay: “Rejoice in the good of others as if it were your own, and desire that they be given precedence over you in all things; this you should do wholeheartedly. You will thereby overcome evil with good, banish the devil, and possess a happy heart. Try to practise this all the more with those who least attract you. Realize that if you do not train yourself in this way, you will not attain real charity or make any progress in it”.[97] 118. Humility can only take root in the heart through humiliations. Without them, there is no humility or holiness. If you are unable to suffer and offer up a few humiliations, you are not humble and you are not on the path to holiness. The holiness that God bestows on his Church comes through the humiliation of his Son. He is the way. Humiliation makes you resemble Jesus; it is an unavoidable aspect of the imitation of Christ. For “Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps” (1 Pet 2:21). In turn, he reveals the humility of the Father, who condescends to journey with his people, enduring their infidelities and complaints (cf. Ex 34:6-9; Wis 11:23-12:2; Lk 6:36). For this reason, the Apostles, after suffering humiliation, rejoiced “that they were counted worthy to suffer dishonour for [Jesus’] name” (Acts 5:41). 119. Here I am not speaking only about stark situations of martyrdom, but about the daily humiliations of those who keep silent to save their families, who prefer to praise others rather than boast about themselves, or who choose the less welcome tasks, at times even choosing to bear an injustice so as to offer it to the Lord. “If when you do right and suffer for it, you have God’s approval” (1 Pet 2:20). This does not mean walking around with eyes lowered, not saying a word and fleeing the company of others. At times, precisely because someone is free of selfishness, he or she can dare to disagree gently, to demand justice or to defend the weak before the powerful, even if it may harm his or her reputation. 120. I am not saying that such humiliation is pleasant, for that would be masochism, but that it is a way of imitating Jesus and growing in union with him. This is incomprehensible on a purely natural level, and the world mocks any such notion. Instead, it is a grace to be sought in prayer: “Lord, when humiliations come, help me to know that I am following in your footsteps”. 121. To act in this way presumes a heart set at peace by Christ, freed from the aggressiveness born of overweening egotism. That same peacefulness, the fruit of grace, makes it possible to preserve our inner trust and persevere in goodness, “though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death” (Ps 23:4) or “a host encamp against me” (Ps 27:3). Standing firm in the Lord, the Rock, we can sing: “In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety” (Ps 4:8). Christ, in a word, “is our peace” (Eph 2:14); he came “to guide our feet into the way of peace” (Lk 1:79). As he told Saint Faustina Kowalska, “Mankind will not have peace until it turns with trust to my mercy”.[98] So let us not fall into the temptation of looking for security in success, vain pleasures, possessions, power over others or social status. Jesus says: “My peace I give to you; I do not give it to you as the world gives peace” (Jn 14:27). JOY AND A SENSE OF HUMOUR 122. Far from being timid, morose, acerbic or melancholy, or putting on a dreary face, the saints are joyful and full of good humour. Though completely realistic, they radiate a positive and hopeful spirit. The Christian life is “joy in the Holy Spirit” (Rom 14:17), for “the necessary result of the love of charity is joy; since every lover rejoices at being united to the beloved… the effect of charity is joy”.[99] Having received the beautiful gift of God’s word, we embrace it “in much affliction, with joy inspired by the Holy Spirit” (1 Thess 1:6). If we allow the Lord to draw us out of our shell and change our lives, then we can do as Saint Paul tells us: “Rejoice in the Lord always; I say it again, rejoice!” (Phil 4:4). 123. The prophets proclaimed the times of Jesus, in which we now live, as a revelation of joy. “Shout and sing for joy!” (Is 12:6). “Get you up to a high mountain, O herald of good tidings to Zion; lift up your voice with strength, O herald of good tidings to Jerusalem!” (Is 40:9). “Break forth, O mountains, into singing! For the Lord has comforted his people, and he will have compassion on his afflicted” (Is 49:13). “Rejoice greatly, O daughter of Zion! Shout aloud, O daughter of Jerusalem! Behold, your king comes to you; triumphant and victorious is he” (Zech 9:9). Nor should we forget Nehemiah’s exhortation: “Do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!” (8:10). 124. Mary, recognizing the newness that Jesus brought, sang: “My spirit rejoices” (Lk 1:47), and Jesus himself “rejoiced in the Holy Spirit” (Lk 10:21). As he passed by, “all the people rejoiced” (Lk 13:17). After his resurrection, wherever the disciples went, there was “much joy” (Acts 8:8). Jesus assures us: “You will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will turn into joy… I will see you again and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you” (Jn 16:20.22). “These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full” (Jn 15:11). 125. Hard times may come, when the cross casts its shadow, yet nothing can destroy the supernatural joy that “adapts and changes, but always endures, even as a flicker of light born of our personal certainty that, when everything is said and done, we are infinitely loved”.[100] That joy brings deep security, serene hope and a spiritual fulfilment that the world cannot understand or appreciate. 126. Christian joy is usually accompanied by a sense of humour. We see this clearly, for example, in Saint Thomas More, Saint Vincent de Paul and Saint Philip Neri. Ill humour is no sign of holiness. “Remove vexation from your mind” (Eccl 11:10). We receive so much from the Lord “for our enjoyment” (1 Tim 6:17), that sadness can be a sign of ingratitude. We can get so caught up in ourselves that we are unable to recognize God’s gifts.[101] 127. With the love of a father, God tells us: “My son, treat yourself well… Do not deprive yourself of a happy day” (Sir 14:11.14). He wants us to be positive, grateful and uncomplicated: “In the day of prosperity, be joyful… God created human beings straightforward, but they have devised many schemes” (Eccl 7:14.29). Whatever the case, we should remain resilient and imitate Saint Paul: “I have learned to be content with what I have” (Phil 4:11). Saint Francis of Assisi lived by this; he could be overwhelmed with gratitude before a piece of hard bread, or joyfully praise God simply for the breeze that caressed his face. 128. This is not the joy held out by today’s individualistic and consumerist culture. Consumerism only bloats the heart. It can offer occasional and passing pleasures, but not joy. Here I am speaking of a joy lived in communion, which shares and is shared, since “there is more happiness in giving than in receiving” (Acts 20:35) and “God loves a cheerful giver” (2 Cor 9:7). Fraternal love increases our capacity for joy, since it makes us capable of rejoicing in the good of others: “Rejoice with those who rejoice” (Rom12:15). “We rejoice when we are weak and you are strong” (2 Cor 13:9). On the other hand, when we “focus primarily on our own needs, we condemn ourselves to a joyless existence”.[102] BOLDNESS AND PASSION 129. Holiness is also parrhesía: it is boldness, an impulse to evangelize and to leave a mark in this world. To allow us to do this, Jesus himself comes and tells us once more, serenely yet firmly: “Do not be afraid” (Mk 6:50). “I am with you always, to the end of the world” (Mt 28:20). These words enable us to go forth and serve with the same courage that the Holy Spirit stirred up in the Apostles, impelling them to proclaim Jesus Christ. Boldness, enthusiasm, the freedom to speak out, apostolic fervour, all these are included in the word parrhesía. The Bible also uses this word to describe the freedom of a life open to God and to others (cf. Acts4:29, 9:28, 28:31; 2 Cor 3:12; Eph 3:12; Heb 3:6, 10:19). 130. Blessed Paul VI, in referring to obstacles to evangelization, spoke of a lack of fervour (parrhesía) that is “all the more serious because it comes from within”.[103] How often we are tempted to keep close to the shore! Yet the Lord calls us to put out into the deep and let down our nets (cf. Lk 5:4). He bids us spend our lives in his service. Clinging to him, we are inspired to put all our charisms at the service of others. May we always feel compelled by his love (2 Cor 5:14) and say with Saint Paul: “Woe to me if I do not preach the Gospel” (1 Cor 9:16). 131. Look at Jesus. His deep compassion reached out to others. It did not make him hesitant, timid or self-conscious, as often happens with us. Quite the opposite. His compassion made him go out actively to preach and to send others on a mission of healing and liberation. Let us acknowledge our weakness, but allow Jesus to lay hold of it and send us too on mission. We are weak, yet we hold a treasure that can enlarge us and make those who receive it better and happier. Boldness and apostolic courage are an essential part of mission. 132. Parrhesía is a seal of the Spirit; it testifies to the authenticity of our preaching. It is a joyful assurance that leads us to glory in the Gospel we proclaim. It is an unshakeable trust in the faithful Witness who gives us the certainty that nothing can “separate us from the love of God” (Rom 8:39). 133. We need the Spirit’s prompting, lest we be paralyzed by fear and excessive caution, lest we grow used to keeping within safe bounds. Let us remember that closed spaces grow musty and unhealthy. When the Apostles were tempted to let themselves be crippled by danger and threats, they joined in prayer to implore parrhesía: “And now, Lord, look upon their threats, and grant to your servants to speak your word with all boldness” (Acts 4:29). As a result, “when they had prayed, the place in which they were gathered together was shaken; and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke the word of God with boldness” (Acts 4:31). 134. Like the prophet Jonah, we are constantly tempted to flee to a safe haven. It can have many names: individualism, spiritualism, living in a little world, addiction, intransigence, the rejection of new ideas and approaches, dogmatism, nostalgia, pessimism, hiding behind rules and regulations. We can resist leaving behind a familiar and easy way of doing things. Yet the challenges involved can be like the storm, the whale, the worm that dried the gourd plant, or the wind and sun that burned Jonah’s head. For us, as for him, they can serve to bring us back to the God of tenderness, who invites us to set out ever anew on our journey. 135. God is eternal newness. He impels us constantly to set out anew, to pass beyond what is familiar, to the fringes and beyond. He takes us to where humanity is most wounded, where men and women, beneath the appearance of a shallow conformity, continue to seek an answer to the question of life’s meaning. God is not afraid! He is fearless! He is always greater than our plans and schemes. Unafraid of the fringes, he himself became a fringe (cf. Phil 2:6-8; Jn 1:14). So if we dare to go to the fringes, we will find him there; indeed, he is already there. Jesus is already there, in the hearts of our brothers and sisters, in their wounded flesh, in their troubles and in their profound desolation. He is already there. 136. True enough, we need to open the door of our hearts to Jesus, who stands and knocks (cf. Rev 3:20). Sometimes I wonder, though, if perhaps Jesus is already inside us and knocking on the door for us to let him escape from our stale self-centredness. In the Gospel, we see how Jesus “went through the cities and villages, preaching and bringing the good news of the kingdom of God” (Lk 8:1). After the resurrection, when the disciples went forth in all directions, the Lord accompanied them (cf. Mk 16:20). This is what happens as the result of true encounter. 137. Complacency is seductive; it tells us that there is no point in trying to change things, that there is nothing we can do, because this is the way things have always been and yet we always manage to survive. By force of habit we no longer stand up to evil. We “let things be”, or as others have decided they ought to be. Yet let us allow the Lord to rouse us from our torpor, to free us from our inertia. Let us rethink our usual way of doing things; let us open our eyes and ears, and above all our hearts, so as not to be complacent about things as they are, but unsettled by the living and effective word of the risen Lord. 138. We are inspired to act by the example of all those priests, religious, and laity who devote themselves to proclamation and to serving others with great fidelity, often at the risk of their lives and certainly at the cost of their comfort. Their testimony reminds us that, more than bureaucrats and functionaries, the Church needs passionate missionaries, enthusiastic about sharing true life. The saints surprise us, they confound us, because by their lives they urge us to abandon a dull and dreary mediocrity. 139. Let us ask the Lord for the grace not to hesitate when the Spirit calls us to take a step forward. Let us ask for the apostolic courage to share the Gospel with others and to stop trying to make our Christian life a museum of memories. In every situation, may the Holy Spirit cause us to contemplate history in the light of the risen Jesus. In this way, the Church will not stand still, but constantly welcome the Lord’s surprises. IN COMMUNITY 140. When we live apart from others, it is very difficult to fight against concupiscence, the snares and temptations of the devil and the selfishness of the world. Bombarded as we are by so many enticements, we can grow too isolated, lose our sense of reality and inner clarity, and easily succumb. 141. Growth in holiness is a journey in community, side by side with others. We see this in some holy communities. From time to time, the Church has canonized entire communities that lived the Gospel heroically or offered to God the lives of all their members. We can think, for example, of the seven holy founders of the Order of the Servants of Mary, the seven blessed sisters of the first monastery of the Visitation in Madrid, the Japanese martyrs Saint Paul Miki and companions, the Korean martyrs Saint Andrew Taegon and companions, or the South American martyrs Saint Roque González, Saint Alonso Rodríguez and companions. We should also remember the more recent witness borne by the Trappists of Tibhirine, Algeria, who prepared as a community for martyrdom. In many holy marriages too, each spouse becomes a means used by Christ for the sanctification of the other. Living or working alongside others is surely a path of spiritual growth. Saint John of the Cross told one of his followers: “You are living with others in order to be fashioned and tried”.[104] 142. Each community is called to create a “God-enlightened space in which to experience the hidden presence of the risen Lord”.[105] Sharing the word and celebrating the Eucharist together fosters fraternity and makes us a holy and missionary community. It also gives rise to authentic and shared mystical experiences. Such was the case with Saints Benedict and Scholastica. We can also think of the sublime spiritual experience shared by Saint Augustine and his mother, Saint Monica. “As the day now approached on which she was to depart this life, a day known to you but not to us, it came about, as I believe by your secret arrangement, that she and I stood alone leaning in a window that looked onto a garden… We opened wide our hearts to drink in the streams of your fountain, the source of life that is in you… And as we spoke of that wisdom and strained after it, we touched it in some measure by the impetus of our hearts… eternal life might be like that one moment of knowledge which we now sighed after”.[106] 143. Such experiences, however, are neither the most frequent nor the most important. The common life, whether in the family, the parish, the religious community or any other, is made up of small everyday things. This was true of the holy community formed by Jesus, Mary and Joseph, which reflected in an exemplary way the beauty of the Trinitarian communion. It was also true of the life that Jesus shared with his disciples and with ordinary people. 144. Let us not forget that Jesus asked his disciples to pay attention to details. The little detail that wine was running out at a party. The little detail that one sheep was missing. The little detail of noticing the widow who offered her two small coins. The little detail of having spare oil for the lamps, should the bridegroom delay. The little detail of asking the disciples how many loaves of bread they had. The little detail of having a fire burning and a fish cooking as he waited for the disciples at daybreak. 145. A community that cherishes the little details of love,[107] whose members care for one another and create an open and evangelizing environment, is a place where the risen Lord is present, sanctifying it in accordance with the Father’s plan. There are times when, by a gift of the Lord’s love, we are granted, amid these little details, consoling experiences of God. “One winter night I was carrying out my little duty as usual… Suddenly, I heard off in the distance the harmonious sound of a musical instrument. I then pictured a well-lighted drawing room, brilliantly gilded, filled with elegantly dressed young ladies conversing together and conferring upon each other all sorts of compliments and other worldly remarks. Then my glance fell upon the poor invalid whom I was supporting. Instead of the beautiful strains of music I heard only her occasional complaints… I cannot express in words what happened in my soul; what I know is that the Lord illumined it with rays of truth which so surpassed the dark brilliance of earthly feasts that I could not believe my happiness”.[108] 146. Contrary to the growing consumerist individualism that tends to isolate us in a quest for well-being apart from others, our path to holiness can only make us identify all the more with Jesus’ prayer “that all may be one; even as you, Father, are in me, and I in you” (Jn 17:21). IN CONSTANT PRAYER 147. Finally, though it may seem obvious, we should remember that holiness consists in a habitual openness to the transcendent, expressed in prayer and adoration. The saints are distinguished by a spirit of prayer and a need for communion with God. They find an exclusive concern with this world to be narrow and stifling, and, amid their own concerns and commitments, they long for God, losing themselves in praise and contemplation of the Lord. I do not believe in holiness without prayer, even though that prayer need not be lengthy or involve intense emotions. 148. SaintJohn of the Cross tells us: “Endeavour to remain always in the presence of God, either real, imaginative, or unitive, insofar as is permitted by your works”.[109] In the end, our desire for God will surely find expression in our daily lives: “Try to be continuous in prayer, and in the midst of bodily exercises do not leave it. Whether you eat, drink, talk with others, or do anything, always go to God and attach your heart to him”.[110] 149. For this to happen, however, some moments spent alone with God are also necessary. For Saint Teresa of Avila, prayer “is nothing but friendly intercourse, and frequent solitary converse, with him who we know loves us”.[111] I would insist that this is true not only for a privileged few, but for all of us, for “we all have need of this silence, filled with the presence of him who is adored”.[112] Trust-filled prayer is a response of a heart open to encountering God face to face, where all is peaceful and the quiet voice of the Lord can be heard in the midst of silence. 150. In that silence, we can discern, in the light of the Spirit, the paths of holiness to which the Lord is calling us. Otherwise, any decisions we make may only be window-dressing that, rather than exalting the Gospel in our lives, will mask or submerge it. For each disciple, it is essential to spend time with the Master, to listen to his words, and to learn from him always. Unless we listen, all our words will be nothing but useless chatter. 151. We need to remember that “contemplation of the face of Jesus, died and risen, restores our humanity, even when it has been broken by the troubles of this life or marred by sin. We must not domesticate the power of the face of Christ”.[113] So let me ask you: Are there moments when you place yourself quietly in the Lord’s presence, when you calmly spend time with him, when you bask in his gaze? Do you let his fire inflame your heart? Unless you let him warm you more and more with his love and tenderness, you will not catch fire. How will you then be able to set the hearts of others on fire by your words and witness? If, gazing on the face of Christ, you feel unable to let yourself be healed and transformed, then enter into the Lord’s heart, into his wounds, for that is the abode of divine mercy.[114] 152. I ask that we never regard prayerful silence as a form of escape and rejection of the world around us. The Russian pilgrim, who prayed constantly, says that such prayer did not separate him from what was happening all around him. “Everybody was kind to me; it was as though everyone loved me… Not only did I feel [happiness and consolation] in my own soul, but the whole outside world also seemed to me full of charm and delight”.[115] 153. Nor does history vanish. Prayer, because it is nourished by the gift of God present and at work in our lives, must always be marked by remembrance. The memory of God’s works is central to the experience of the covenant between God and his people. God wished to enter history, and so our prayer is interwoven with memories. We think back not only on his revealed Word, but also on our own lives, the lives of others, and all that the Lord has done in his Church. This is the grateful memory that Saint Ignatius of Loyola refers to in his Contemplation for Attaining Love,[116] when he asks us to be mindful of all the blessings we have received from the Lord. Think of your own history when you pray, and there you will find much mercy. This will also increase your awareness that the Lord is ever mindful of you; he never forgets you. So it makes sense to ask him to shed light on the smallest details of your life, for he sees them all. 154. Prayer of supplication is an expression of a heart that trusts in God and realizes that of itself it can do nothing. The life of God’s faithful people is marked by constant supplication born of faith-filled love and great confidence. Let us not downplay prayer of petition, which so often calms our hearts and helps us persevere in hope. Prayer of intercession has particular value, for it is an act of trust in God and, at the same time, an expression of love for our neighbour. There are those who think, based on a one-sided spirituality, that prayer should be unalloyed contemplation of God, free of all distraction, as if the names and faces of others were somehow an intrusion to be avoided. Yet in reality, our prayer will be all the more pleasing to God and more effective for our growth in holiness if, through intercession, we attempt to practise the twofold commandment that Jesus left us. Intercessory prayer is an expression of our fraternal concern for others, since we are able to embrace their lives, their deepest troubles and their loftiest dreams. Of those who commit themselves generously to intercessory prayer we can apply the words of Scripture: “This is a man who loves the brethren and prays much for the people” (2 Mac 15:14). 155. If we realize that God exists, we cannot help but worship him, at times in quiet wonder, and praise him in festive song. We thus share in the experience of Blessed Charles de Foucauld, who said: “As soon as I believed that there was a God, I understood that I could do nothing other than to live for him”.[117] In the life of God’s pilgrim people, there can be many simple gestures of pure adoration, as when “the gaze of a pilgrim rests on an image that symbolizes God’s affection and closeness. Love pauses, contemplates the mystery, and enjoys it in silence”.[118] 156. The prayerful reading of God’s word, which is “sweeter than honey” (Ps 119:103) yet a “two-edged sword” (Heb 4:12), enables us to pause and listen to the voice of the Master. It becomes a lamp for our steps and a light for our path (cf. Ps 119:105). As the bishops of India have reminded us, “devotion to the word of God is not simply one of many devotions, beautiful but somewhat optional. It goes to the very heart and identity of Christian life. The word has the power to transform lives”.[119] 157. Meeting Jesus in the Scriptures leads us to the Eucharist, where the written word attains its greatest efficacy, for there the living Word is truly present. In the Eucharist, the one true God receives the greatest worship the world can give him, for it is Christ himself who is offered. When we receive him in Holy Communion, we renew our covenant with him and allow him to carry out ever more fully his work of transforming our lives. CHAPTER FIVE SPIRITUAL COMBAT, VIGILANCE AND DISCERNMENT 158. The Christian life is a constant battle. We need strength and courage to withstand the temptations of the devil and to proclaim the Gospel. This battle is sweet, for it allows us to rejoice each time the Lord triumphs in our lives. COMBAT AND VIGILANCE 159. We are not dealing merely with a battle against the world and a worldly mentality that would deceive us and leave us dull and mediocre, lacking in enthusiasm and joy. Nor can this battle be reduced to the struggle against our human weaknesses and proclivities (be they laziness, lust, envy, jealousy or any others). It is also a constant struggle against the devil, the prince of evil. Jesus himself celebrates our victories. He rejoiced when his disciples made progress in preaching the Gospel and overcoming the opposition of the evil one: “I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven” (Lk 10:18). More than a myth 160. We will not admit the existence of the devil if we insist on regarding life by empirical standards alone, without a supernatural understanding. It is precisely the conviction that this malign power is present in our midst that enables us to understand how evil can at times have so much destructive force. True enough, the biblical authors had limited conceptual resources for expressing certain realities, and in Jesus’ time epilepsy, for example, could easily be confused with demonic possession. Yet this should not lead us to an oversimplification that would conclude that all the cases related in the Gospel had to do with psychological disorders and hence that the devil does not exist or is not at work. He is present in the very first pages of the Scriptures, which end with God’s victory over the devil.[120] Indeed, in leaving us the Our Father, Jesus wanted us to conclude by asking the Father to “deliver us from evil”. That final word does not refer to evil in the abstract; a more exact translation would be “the evil one”. It indicates a personal being who assails us. Jesus taught us to ask daily for deliverance from him, lest his power prevail over us. 161. Hence, we should not think of the devil as a myth, a representation, a symbol, a figure of speech or an idea.[121] This mistake would lead us to let down our guard, to grow careless and end up more vulnerable. The devil does not need to possess us. He poisons us with the venom of hatred, desolation, envy and vice. When we let down our guard, he takes advantage of it to destroy our lives, our families and our communities. “Like a roaring lion, he prowls around, looking for someone to devour” (1 Pet 5:8). Alert and trustful 162. God’s word invites us clearly to “stand against the wiles of the devil” (Eph 6:11) and to “quench all the flaming darts of the evil one” (Eph 6:16). These expressions are not melodramatic, precisely because our path towards holiness is a constant battle. Those who do not realize this will be prey to failure or mediocrity. For this spiritual combat, we can count on the powerful weapons that the Lord has given us: faith-filled prayer, meditation on the word of God, the celebration of Mass, Eucharistic adoration, sacramental Reconciliation, works of charity, community life, missionary outreach. If we become careless, the false promises of evil will easily seduce us. As the sainted Cura Brochero observed: “What good is it when Lucifer promises you freedom and showers you with all his benefits, if those benefits are false, deceptive and poisonous?”[122] 163. Along this journey, the cultivation of all that is good, progress in the spiritual life and growth in love are the best counterbalance to evil. Those who choose to remain neutral, who are satisfied with little, who renounce the ideal of giving themselves generously to the Lord, will never hold out. Even less if they fall into defeatism, for “if we start without confidence, we have already lost half the battle and we bury our talents… Christian triumph is always a cross, yet a cross which is at the same time a victorious banner, borne with aggressive tenderness against the assaults of evil”.[123] Spiritual corruption 164. The path of holiness is a source of peace and joy, given to us by the Spirit. At the same time, it demands that we keep “our lamps lit” (Lk 12:35) and be attentive. “Abstain from every form of evil” (1 Thess 5:22). “Keep awake” (Mt 24:42; Mk 13:35). “Let us not fall asleep” (1 Thess 5:6). Those who think they commit no grievous sins against God’s law can fall into a state of dull lethargy. Since they see nothing serious to reproach themselves with, they fail to realize that their spiritual life has gradually turned lukewarm. They end up weakened and corrupted. 165. Spiritual corruption is worse than the fall of a sinner, for it is a comfortable and self-satisfied form of blindness. Everything then appears acceptable: deception, slander, egotism and other subtle forms of self-centredness, for “even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light” (2 Cor 11:14). So Solomon ended his days, whereas David, who sinned greatly, was able to make up for disgrace. Jesus warned us against this self-deception that easily leads to corruption. He spoke of a person freed from the devil who, convinced that his life was now in order, ended up being possessed by seven other evil spirits (cf. Lk 11:24-26). Another biblical text puts it bluntly: “The dog turns back to his own vomit” (2 Pet 2:22; cf. Pr 26:11). DISCERNMENT 166. How can we know if something comes from the Holy Spirit or if it stems from the spirit of the world or the spirit of the devil? The only way is through discernment, which calls for something more than intelligence or common sense. It is a gift which we must implore. If we ask with confidence that the Holy Spirit grant us this gift, and then seek to develop it through prayer, reflection, reading and good counsel, then surely we will grow in this spiritual endowment. An urgent need 167. The gift of discernment has become all the more necessary today, since contemporary life offers immense possibilities for action and distraction, and the world presents all of them as valid and good. All of us, but especially the young, are immersed in a culture of zapping. We can navigate simultaneously on two or more screens and interact at the same time with two or three virtual scenarios. Without the wisdom of discernment, we can easily become prey to every passing trend. 168. This is all the more important when some novelty presents itself in our lives. Then we have to decide whether it is new wine brought by God or an illusion created by the spirit of this world or the spirit of the devil. At other times, the opposite can happen, when the forces of evil induce us not to change, to leave things as they are, to opt for a rigid resistance to change. Yet that would be to block the working of the Spirit. We are free, with the freedom of Christ. Still, he asks us to examine what is within us – our desires, anxieties, fears and questions – and what takes place all around us – “the signs of the times” – and thus to recognize the paths that lead to complete freedom. “Test everything; hold fast to what is good” (1 Thess 5:21). Always in the light of the Lord 169. Discernment is necessary not only at extraordinary times, when we need to resolve grave problems and make crucial decisions. It is a means of spiritual combat for helping us to follow the Lord more faithfully. We need it at all times, to help us recognize God’s timetable, lest we fail to heed the promptings of his grace and disregard his invitation to grow. Often discernment is exercised in small and apparently irrelevant things, since greatness of spirit is manifested in simple everyday realities.[124] It involves striving untrammelled for all that is great, better and more beautiful, while at the same time being concerned for the little things, for each day’s responsibilities and commitments. For this reason, I ask all Christians not to omit, in dialogue with the Lord, a sincere daily “examination of conscience”. Discernment also enables us to recognize the concrete means that the Lord provides in his mysterious and loving plan, to make us move beyond mere good intentions. A supernatural gift 170. Certainly, spiritual discernment does not exclude existential, psychological, sociological or moral insights drawn from the human sciences. At the same time, it transcends them. Nor are the Church’s sound norms sufficient. We should always remember that discernment is a grace. Even though it includes reason and prudence, it goes beyond them, for it seeks a glimpse of that unique and mysterious plan that God has for each of us, which takes shape amid so many varied situations and limitations. It involves more than my temporal well-being, my satisfaction at having accomplished something useful, or even my desire for peace of mind. It has to do with the meaning of my life before the Father who knows and loves me, with the real purpose of my life, which nobody knows better than he. Ultimately, discernment leads to the wellspring of undying life: to know the Father, the only true God, and the one whom he has sent, Jesus Christ (cf. Jn 17:3). It requires no special abilities, nor is it only for the more intelligent or better educated. The Father readily reveals himself to the lowly (cf. Mt 11:25). 171. The Lord speaks to us in a variety of ways, at work, through others and at every moment. Yet we simply cannot do without the silence of prolonged prayer, which enables us better to perceive God’s language, to interpret the real meaning of the inspirations we believe we have received, to calm our anxieties and to see the whole of our existence afresh in his own light. In this way, we allow the birth of a new synthesis that springs from a life inspired by the Spirit. Speak, Lord 172. Nonetheless, it is possible that, even in prayer itself, we could refuse to let ourselves be confronted by the freedom of the Spirit, who acts as he wills. We must remember that prayerful discernment must be born of a readiness to listen: to the Lord and to others, and to reality itself, which always challenges us in new ways. Only if we are prepared to listen, do we have the freedom to set aside our own partial or insufficient ideas, our usual habits and ways of seeing things. In this way, we become truly open to accepting a call that can shatter our security, but lead us to a better life. It is not enough that everything be calm and peaceful. God may be offering us something more, but in our comfortable inadvertence, we do not recognize it. 173. Naturally, this attitude of listening entails obedience to the Gospel as the ultimate standard, but also to the Magisterium that guards it, as we seek to find in the treasury of the Church whatever is most fruitful for the “today” of salvation. It is not a matter of applying rules or repeating what was done in the past, since the same solutions are not valid in all circumstances and what was useful in one context may not prove so in another. The discernment of spirits liberates us from rigidity, which has no place before the perennial “today” of the risen Lord. The Spirit alone can penetrate what is obscure and hidden in every situation, and grasp its every nuance, so that the newness of the Gospel can emerge in another light. The logic of gift and of the cross 174. An essential condition for progress in discernment is a growing understanding of God’s patience and his timetable, which are never our own. God does not pour down fire upon those who are unfaithful (cf. Lk 9:54), or allow the zealous to uproot the tares growing among the wheat (cf. Mt 13:29). Generosity too is demanded, for “it is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35). Discernment is not about discovering what more we can get out of this life, but about recognizing how we can better accomplish the mission entrusted to us at our baptism. This entails a readiness to make sacrifices, even to sacrificing everything. For happiness is a paradox. We experience it most when we accept the mysterious logic that is not of this world: “This is our logic”, says Saint Bonaventure,[125] pointing to the cross. Once we enter into this dynamic, we will not let our consciences be numbed and we will open ourselves generously to discernment. 175. When, in God’s presence, we examine our life’s journey, no areas can be off limits. In all aspects of life we can continue to grow and offer something greater to God, even in those areas we find most difficult. We need, though, to ask the Holy Spirit to liberate us and to expel the fear that makes us ban him from certain parts of our lives. God asks everything of us, yet he also gives everything to us. He does not want to enter our lives to cripple or diminish them, but to bring them to fulfilment. Discernment, then, is not a solipsistic self-analysis or a form of egotistical introspection, but an authentic process of leaving ourselves behind in order to approach the mystery of God, who helps us to carry out the mission to which he has called us, for the good of our brothers and sisters. * * * 176. I would like these reflections to be crowned by Mary, because she lived the Beatitudes of Jesus as none other. She is that woman who rejoiced in the presence of God, who treasured everything in her heart, and who let herself be pierced by the sword. Mary is the saint among the saints, blessed above all others. She teaches us the way of holiness and she walks ever at our side. She does not let us remain fallen and at times she takes us into her arms without judging us. Our converse with her consoles, frees and sanctifies us. Mary our Mother does not need a flood of words. She does not need us to tell her what is happening in our lives. All we need do is whisper, time and time again: “Hail Mary…” 177. It is my hope that these pages will prove helpful by enabling the whole Church to devote herself anew to promoting the desire for holiness. Let us ask the Holy Spirit to pour out upon us a fervent longing to be saints for God’s greater glory, and let us encourage one another in this effort. In this way, we will share a happiness that the world will not be able to take from us. Given in Rome, at Saint Peter’s, on 19 March, the Solemnity of Saint Joseph, in the year 2018, the sixth of my Pontificate. Francis [1] BENEDICT XVI, Homily for the Solemn Inauguration of the Petrine Ministry (24 April 2005): AAS 97 (2005), 708. [2] This always presumes a reputation of holiness and the exercise, at least to an ordinary degree, of the Christian virtues: cf. Motu Proprio Maiorem Hac Dilectionem (11 July 2017), Art. 2c: L’Osservatore Romano, 12 July 2017, p. 8. [3] SECOND VATICAN ECUMENICAL COUNCIL, Dogmatic Constitution on the Church Lumen Gentium, 9. [4] Cf. JOSEPH MALEGUE, Pierres noires. Les classes moyennes du Salut, Paris, 1958. [5] SECOND VATICAN ECUMENICAL COUNCIL, Dogmatic Constitution on the Church Lumen Gentium, 12. [6] Verborgenes Leben und Epiphanie: GW XI, 145. [7] JOHN PAUL II, Encyclical Letter Novo Millennio Ineunte (6 January 2001), 56: AAS 93 (2001), 307. [8] Encyclical Letter Tertio Millennio Adveniente (10 November 1994), 37: AAS 87 (1995), 29. [9] Homily for the Ecumenical Commemoration of Witnesses to the Faith in the Twentieth Century (7 May 2000), 5: AAS 92 (2000), 680-681. [10] Dogmatic Constitution on the Church Lumen Gentium, 11. [11] Cf. HANS URS VON BALTHASAR, “Theology and Holiness”, in Communio 14/4 (1987), 345. [12] Spiritual Canticle, Red. B, Prologue, 2. [13] Cf. ibid., 14-15, 2. [14] Cf. Catechesis, General Audience of 19 November 2014: Insegnamenti II/2 (2014), 555. [15] FRANCIS DE SALES, Treatise on the Love of God, VIII, 11. [16] Five Loaves and Two Fish, Pauline Books and Media, 2003, pp. 9, 13. [17] NEW ZEALAND CATHOLIC BISHOPS’ CONFERENCE, Healing Love, 1 January 1988. [18] Spiritual Exercises, 102-312. [19] Catechism of the Catholic Church, 515. [20] Ibid., 516. [21] Ibid., 517. [22] Ibid., 518. [23] Ibid., 521. [24] BENEDICT XVI, Catechesis, General Audience of 13 April 2011: Insegnamenti VII (2011), 451. [25] Ibid., 450. [26] Cf. HANS URS VON BALTHASAR, “Theology and Holiness”, in Communio 14/4 (1987), 341-350. [27] XAVIER ZUBIRI, Naturaleza, historia, Dios, Madrid, 19933, 427. [28] CARLO M. MARTINI, Le confessioni di Pietro, Cinisello Balsamo, 2017, 69. [29] We need to distinguish between this kind of superficial entertainment and a healthy culture of leisure, which opens us to others and to reality itself in a spirit of openness and contemplation. [30] JOHN PAUL II, Homily at the Mass of Canonization (1 October 2000), 5: AAS 92 (2000), 852. [31] REGIONAL EPISCOPAL CONFERENCE OF WEST AFRICA, Pastoral Message at the End of the Second Plenary Assembly, 29 February 2016, 2. [32] La femme pauvre, Paris, II, 27. [33] Cf. CONGREGATION FOR THE DOCTRINE OF THE FAITH, Letter Placuit Deo on Certain Aspects of Christian Salvation (22 February 2018), 4, in L’Osservatore Romano, 2 March 2018, pp. 4-5: “Both neo-Pelagian individualism and the neo-Gnostic disregard of the body deface the confession of faith in Christ, the one, universal Saviour”. This document provides the doctrinal bases for understanding Christian salvation in reference to contemporary neo-gnostic and neo-pelagian tendencies. [34] Apostolic Exhortation Evangelii Gaudium (24 November 2013), 94: AAS 105 (2013), 1060. [35] Ibid.: AAS 105 (2013), 1059. [36] Homily at Mass in Casa Santa Marta, 11 November 2016: L’Osservatore Romano, 12 November 2016, p. 8. [37] As Saint Bonaventure teaches, “we must suspend all the operations of the mind and we must transform the peak of our affections, directing them to God alone… Since nature can achieve nothing and personal effort very little, it is necessary to give little importance to investigation and much to unction, little to speech and much to interior joy, little to words or writing but all to the gift of God, namely the Holy Spirit, little or no importance should be given to the creature, but all to the Creator, the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit”: BONAVENTURE, Itinerarium Mentis in Deum, VII, 4-5. [38] Cf. Letter to the Grand Chancellor of the Pontifical Catholic University of Argentina for the Centenary of the Founding of the Faculty of Theology (3 March 2015): L’Osservatore Romano, 9-10 March 2015, p. 6. [39] Apostolic Exhortation Evangelii Gaudium (24 November 2013), 40: AAS 105 (2013), 1037. [40] Video Message to Participants in an International Theological Congress held at the Pontifical Catholic University of Argentina (1-3 September 2015): AAS 107 (2015), 980. [41] Post-Synodal Apostolic Exhortation Vita Consecrata (25 March 1996), 38: AAS 88 (1996), 412. [42] Letter to the Grand Chancellor of the Pontifical Catholic University of Argentina for the Centenary of the Founding of the Faculty of Theology (3 March 2015): L’Osservatore Romano, 9-10 March 2015, p. 6. [43] Letter to Brother Anthony, 2: FF 251. [44] De septem donis, 9, 15. [45] In IV Sent. 37, 1, 3, ad 6. [46] Apostolic Exhortation Evangelii Gaudium (24 November 2013), 94: AAS 105 (2013), 1059. [47] Cf. Bonaventure, De sex alis Seraphim, 3, 8: “Non omnes omnia possunt”. The phrase is to be understood along the lines of the Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1735. [48] Cf. THOMAS AQUINAS, Summa Theologiae II-II, q. 109, a. 9, ad 1: “But here grace is to some extent imperfect, inasmuch as it does not completely heal man, as we have said”. [49] Cf. De natura et gratia, 43, 50: PL 44, 271. [50] Confessiones, X, 29, 40: PL 32, 796. [51] Cf. Apostolic Exhortation Evangelii Gaudium (24 November 2013), 44: AAS 105 (2013), 1038. [52] In the understanding of Christian faith, grace precedes, accompanies and follows all our actions (cf. ECUMENICAL COUNCIL OF TRENT, Session VI, Decree on Justification, ch. 5: DH 1525). [53] Cf. In Ep. ad Romanos, 9, 11: PG 60, 470. [54] Homilia de Humilitate: PG 31, 530. [55] Canon 4: DH 374. [56] Session VI, Decree on Justification, ch. 8: DH 1532. [57] No. 1998. [58] Ibid., 2007. [59] Thomas Aquinas, Summa Theologiae, I-II, q. 114, a. 5. [60] ThÉrÈse of the Child Jesus, “Act of Offering to Merciful Love” (Prayers, 6). [61] Lucio Gera, Sobre el misterio del pobre, in P. GRELOT-L. GERA-A. DUMAS, El Pobre, Buenos Aires, 1962, 103. [62] This is, in a word, the Catholic doctrine on “merit” subsequent to justification: it has to do with the cooperation of the justified for growth in the life of grace (cf. Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2010). Yet this cooperation in no way makes justification itself or friendship with God the object of human merit. [63] Cf. Apostolic Exhortation Evangelii Gaudium (24 November 2013), 95: AAS 105 (2013), 1060.[64] Summa Theologiae I-II, q. 107, art. 4. [65] FRANCIS, Homily at Mass for the Jubilee of Socially Excluded People (13 November 2016): L’Osservatore Romano, 14-15 November 2016, p. 8. [66] Cf. Homily at Mass in Casa Santa Marta, 9 June 2014: L’Osservatore Romano, 10 June 2014, p. 8. [67] The order of the second and third Beatitudes varies in accordance with the different textual traditions. [68] Spiritual Exercises, 23d. [69] Manuscript C, 12r. [70] From the patristic era, the Church has valued the gift of tears, as seen in the fine prayer “Ad petendam compunctionem cordis”. It reads: “Almighty and most merciful God, who brought forth from the rock a spring of living water for your thirsting people: bring forth tears of compunction from our hardness of heart, that we may grieve for our sins, and, by your mercy, obtain their forgiveness” (cf. Missale Romanum, ed. typ. 1962, p. [110]). [71] Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1789; cf. 1970. [72] Ibid., 1787. [73] Detraction and calumny are acts of terrorism: a bomb is thrown, it explodes and the attacker walks away calm and contented. This is completely different from the nobility of those who speak to others face to face, serenely and frankly, out of genuine concern for their good. [74] At times, it may be necessary to speak of the difficulties of a particular brother or sister. In such cases, it can happen that an interpretation is passed on in place of an objective fact. Emotions can misconstrue and alter the facts of a matter, and end up passing them on laced with subjective elements. In this way, neither the facts themselves nor the truth of the other person are respected. [75] Apostolic Exhortation, Evangelii Gaudium (24 November 2013), 218: AAS 105 (2013), 1110. [76] Ibid., 239: 1116. [77] Ibid., 227: 1112. [78] Encyclical Letter Centesimus Annus (1 May 1991), 41c: AAS 81 (1993), 844-845. [79] Apostolic Letter Novo Millennio Ineunte (6 January 2001), 49: AAS 93 (2001), 302. [80] Ibid. [81] Bull Misericordiae Vultus (11 April 2015), 12: AAS 107 (2015), 407. [82] We can recall the Good Samaritan’s reaction upon meeting the man attacked by robbers and left for dead (cf. Lk 10:30-37). [83] SOCIAL AFFAIRS COMMISSION OF THE CANADIAN CONFERENCE OF CATHOLIC BISHOPS, Open Letter to the Members of Parliament, The Common Good or Exclusion: A Choice for Canadians (1 February 2001), 9. [84] The Fifth General Conference of the Latin American and Caribbean Bishops, echoing the Church’s constant teaching, stated that human beings “are always sacred, from their conception, at all stages of existence, until their natural death, and after death”, and that life must be safeguarded “starting at conception, in all its stages, until natural death” (Aparecida Document, 29 June 2007, 388; 464). [85] Rule, 53, 1: PL 66, 749. [86] Cf. ibid., 53, 7: PL 66, 750. [87] Ibid., 53, 15: PL 66, 751. [88] Bull Misericordiae Vultus (11 April 2015), 9: AAS 107 (2015), 405. [89] Ibid., 10, 406. [90] Post-Synodal Apostolic Exhortation Amoris Laetitia (19 March 2016), 311: AAS 108 (2016), 439. [91] Apostolic Exhortation Evangelii Gaudium (24 November 2013), 197: AAS 105 (2013), 1103. [92] Cf. Summa Theologiae, II-II, q. 30, a. 4. [93] Ibid., ad 1. [94] Cited (in Spanish translation) in: Cristo en los Pobres, Madrid, 1981, 37-38. [95] There are some forms of bullying that, while seeming delicate or respectful and even quite spiritual, cause great damage to others’ self-esteem. [96] Precautions, 13. [97] Ibid., 13. [98] Cf. Diary. Divine Mercy in My Soul, Stockbridge, 2000, p. 139 (300). [99] THOMAS AQUINAS, Summa Theologiae, I-II, q. 70, a. 3. [100] Apostolic Exhortation Evangelii Gaudium (24 November 2013), 6: AAS 105 (2013), 1221. [101] I recommend praying the prayer attributed to Saint Thomas More: “Grant me, O Lord, good digestion, and also something to digest. Grant me a healthy body, and the necessary good humour to maintain it. Grant me a simple soul that knows to treasure all that is good and that doesn’t frighten easily at the sight of evil, but rather finds the means to put things back in their place. Give me a soul that knows not boredom, grumbling, sighs and laments, nor excess of stress, because of that obstructing thing called ‘I’. Grant me, O Lord, a sense of good humour. Allow me the grace to be able to take a joke and to discover in life a bit of joy, and to be able to share it with others”. [102] Post-Synodal Apostolic Exhortation Amoris Laetitia (19 March 2016), 110: AAS 108 (2016), 354. [103] Apostolic Exhortation Evangelii Nuntiandi (8 December 1975), 80: AAS 68 (1976), 73. It is worth noting that in this text Blessed Paul VI closely links joy and parrhesía. While lamenting a “lack of joy and hope” as an obstacle to evangelization, he extols the “delightful and comforting joy of evangelizing”, linked to “an interior enthusiasm that nobody and nothing can quench”. This ensures that the world does not receive the Gospel “from evangelizers who are dejected [and] discouraged”. During the 1975 Holy Year, Pope Paul devoted to joy his Apostolic Exhortation Gaudete in Domino (9 May 1975): AAS 67 (1975), 289-322. [104] Precautions, 15. [105] JOHN PAUL II, Apostolic Exhortation Vita Consecrata (25 March 1996), 42: AAS 88 (1996), 416. [106] Confessiones, IX, 10, 23-25: PL 32, 773-775. [107] I think especially of the three key words “please”, “thank you” and “sorry”. “The right words, spoken at the right time, daily protect and nurture love”: Post-Synodal Apostolic Exhortation Amoris Laetitia (19 March 2016), 133: AAS 108 (2016), 363. [108] THÉRÈSE OF THE CHILD JESUS, Manuscript C, 29 v-30r. [109] Degrees of Perfection, 2. [110] ID., Counsels to a Religious on How to Attain Perfection, 9. [111] Autobiography, 8, 5. [112] JOHN PAUL II, Apostolic Letter Orientale Lumen (2 May 1995), 16: AAS 87 (1995), 762. [113] Meeting with the Participants in the Fifth Convention of the Italian Church, Florence, (10 November 2015): AAS 107 (2015), 1284. [114] Cf. BERNARD OF CLAIRVAUX, Sermones in Canticum Canticorum, 61, 3-5: PL 183:1071-1073. [115] The Way of a Pilgrim, New York, 1965, pp. 17, 105-106. [116] Cf. Spiritual Exercises, 230-237. [117] Letter to Henry de Castries, 14 August 1901. [118] FIFTH GENERAL CONFERENCE OF THE LATIN AMERICAN AND CARIBBEAN BISHOPS, Aparecida Document (29 June 2007), 259. [119] CONFERENCE OF CATHOLIC BISHOPS OF INDIA, Final Declaration of the Twenty-First Plenary Assembly, 18 February 2009, 3.2. [120] Cf. Homily at Mass in Casa Santa Marta, 11 October 2013: L’Osservatore Romano, 12 October 2013, p. 2. [121] Cf. PAUL VI, Catechesis, General Audience of 15 November 1972: Insegnamenti X (1972), pp. 1168-1170: “One of our greatest needs is defence against that evil which we call the devil… Evil is not simply a deficiency, it is an efficiency, a living spiritual being, perverted and perverting. A terrible reality, mysterious and frightful. They no longer remain within the framework of biblical and ecclesiastical teaching who refuse to recognize its existence, or who make of it an independent principle that does not have, like every creature, its origin in God, or explain it as a pseudo-reality, a conceptual and imaginative personification of the hidden causes of our misfortunes”. [122] JOSÉ GABRIEL DEL ROSARIO BROCHERO, “Plática de las banderas”, in CONFERENCIA EPISCOPAL ARGENTINA, El Cura Brochero. Cartas y sermones, Buenos Aires, 1999, 71. [123] Apostolic Exhortation Evangelii Gaudium (24 November 2013), 85: AAS 105 (2013), 1056. [124] The tomb of Saint Ignatius of Loyola bears this thought-provoking inscription: Non coerceri a maximo, conteneri tamen a minimo divinum est (“Not to be confined by the greatest, yet to be contained within the smallest, is truly divine”). [125] Collationes in Hexaemeron, 1, 30. © Copyright – Libreria Editrice Vaticana

[frederickwiddowson]

The writings of Luke the physician starting with his version of the gospel - Luke 14:25-35 comments: whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple

Luke 14:25 ¶  And there went great multitudes with him: and he turned, and said unto them, 26  If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. 27  And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple. 28 For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it? 29  Lest haply, after he hath laid the foundation, and is not able to finish it, all that behold it begin to mock him, 30  Saying, This man began to build, and was not able to finish. 31 Or what king, going to make war against another king, sitteth not down first, and consulteth whether he be able with ten thousand to meet him that cometh against him with twenty thousand? 32 Or else, while the other is yet a great way off, he sendeth an ambassage, and desireth conditions of peace. 33 So likewise, whosoever he be of you that forsaketh not all that he hath, he cannot be my disciple. 34  Salt is good: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be seasoned? 35  It is neither fit for the land, nor yet for the dunghill; but men cast it out. He that hath ears to hear, let him hear.

 A word should be said about the word hate here. In a different context, when Jesus commissioned the twelve apostles as reported in Matthew 10 it is recorded;

 Matthew 10:37  He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

 By comparing passages that express the same or similar sentiment we can determine the meaning of passages that are difficult for us. Clearly, to hate, in this context, is to hold one in lower regard than one would reasonably expect rather than to hold in contempt, to despise, to abhor, and reject as in other contexts. You cannot properly interpret the Bible without cross-referencing. Any version that destroys the cross-referencing traits of the Bible should be dismissed outright. If we believe that the Bible was given by inspiration as it says it was, that the Holy Spirit had a hand in translations and copies, then we must understand that the ultimate author was God Himself and in order to understand a word or phrase we need to look within the text itself.

 Verse 27 has led to a lot of guilt feelings on the part of Christians who do not live in countries where they are persecuted horribly. It has even prompted some Christians to make themselves as obnoxious as possible to try to get a taste of what they perceive is persecution so they can feel justified. However, remember, first that Jesus is talking to the people He deals with every day in the flesh and those who would follow Him in His hour of suffering. Tradition tells us that every single Apostle, save John, died a martyr’s death and it wasn’t for lack of trying that John was not martyred.

 The cross was a type of execution that was very painful and the process of death was often prolonged as the sufferer tried to breathe and had to experience the agony of having hands and feet nailed to the wood.

 Many of the people that would have heard this saying about taking up one’s cross daily left following Christ when things got tough. The disciple had to be willing to give up all that he had, all earthly connections, to follow Christ as we can see by verse 26 and Matthew 10:28-30. The end result of that discipleship could be imprisonment, torture, and death as we can see by Luke 12:11; Acts 7:59; Acts 12:2.  The hope and treasures of the heart of a disciple, as a result, had to be focused on heaven, not earth as we can see in Matthew 6:19-20.

 Even if you are not persecuted, though many are in many parts of the world today and are called to see this verse in their lives, you do have the burden of bearing your own Cross of suffering and pain in this life and bearing it in faith with a testimony before others who have not trusted Christ or are weak in their faith. We have this burden of being fenced in with bones and sinews, our souls trapped in the body of this death, every day dying and yet alive as we can see in Job 10:11 & Galatians 2:20. If we are not willing to suffer these things, although we will whether we do it in faith or not, then we should count the cost before we profess faith in our Saviour and declare ourselves redeemed of the Lord as this passage then reveals. Like salt, we can be completely useless, in our case, in the disciples of this time’s case, if we or they are unwilling to follow our Saviour to death. The disciples here are warned that this way is not going to be painless for them while they are in the flesh.

 Suffering in this life is real and inevitable, whether you do it in faith, trusting your Creator, or do it in anger and bitterness and denial, and unbelief. For the Christian this life is the only Hell they will ever know. For the rejector of Christ the suffering you experience here is only the beginning of woes.

 The early Christians and many now throughout the world are faced with a choice, to renounce Christ or face the loss of everything they hold dear. To confess Christ or to renounce Him. Chapter 12 had a reference to this.

 Luke 12:8  Also I say unto you, Whosoever shall confess me before men, him shall the Son of man also confess before the angels of God: 9  But he that denieth me before men shall be denied before the angels of God.

 And so Paul and John will write;

 2Timothy 2:12  If we suffer, we shall also reign with him: if we deny him, he also will deny us:

13  If we believe not, yet he abideth faithful: he cannot deny himself.

 Revelation 3:7 ¶  And to the angel of the church in Philadelphia write; These things saith he that is holy, he that is true, he that hath the key of David, he that openeth, and no man shutteth; and shutteth, and no man openeth; 8 I know thy works: behold, I have set before thee an open door, and no man can shut it: for thou hast a little strength, and hast kept my word, and hast not denied my name.

 Preachers are fond of using these verses to indict you for not handing out a tract at a certain time or going door-knocking and those may be valid ways of projecting the text onto the relatively painless, when it comes to persecution for Americans (at least the persecution that comes from humans and not the spirit world), but the context is life-and-death persecution enacted at times by the Romans and later the Roman and Protestant churches and other religions. The secular state and Islam are the greatest physical persecutors today.

 This context, the literal meaning of verses, like this has to do with the persecution they faced.

Jesus warned His disciples to expect it.

 Matthew 20:20 ¶  Then came to him the mother of Zebedee’s children with her sons, worshipping him, and desiring a certain thing of him. 21  And he said unto her, What wilt thou? She saith unto him, Grant that these my two sons may sit, the one on thy right hand, and the other on the left, in thy kingdom. 22  But Jesus answered and said, Ye know not what ye ask. Are ye able to drink of the cup that I shall drink of, and to be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with? They say unto him, We are able. 23  And he saith unto them, Ye shall drink indeed of my cup, and be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with: but to sit on my right hand, and on my left, is not mine to give, but it shall be given to them for whom it is prepared of my Father.

 Don’t whine when you are forbidden to hang up a verse from your office cubicle condemning homosexuality. Save your whining for when someone is standing over you with a sword and threatening to cut off your head if you don’t renounce Christ as a Christian in the Sudan might experience today. The question is, are you prepared to die guiltless of any violence for your faith and to trust Christ for your resurrection? It is a question many Christians faced throughout history. The comfortable Christian culture of America, the self-congratulating way we practically fall over patting ourselves on the back for “choosing” to be on the right team, is an echo-chamber where you eventually only hear what affirms you and justifies you. I suspect in the face of the kind of persecution a Christian in Vietnam might experience or a Christian in Iran might have to endure most of us would be running for the hills and swearing allegiance to anything but Christ to keep evil from being done to us.

[sorrowssinger]

So I'm doing on a verse where Maedhros stays with Nerdanel and more or less renounces his position as Feanor's heir from the first exile, the one from Tirion, onwards... and here is what I have actually come up with so far. Under a read more because it’s long.

Okay but Maedhros decided that their family needed someone aside from his mother to stay behind in Tirion, and chose to do so, and in the process he renounced his place as Feanor's heir. Feanor left for Formenos as in canon, but with only six sons and lacking an heir. Maglor realized as Second son it was his duty to take up the role and so he starts learning from Feanor and Finwe what is required just in case Maedhros never takes up his duties again.

Finwe is still killed by Morgoth and Feanor still swears his Oath as do his sons, all but Maedhros, and they try to just take the ships once negotiations fail just like in canon. Things progress more or less the same leading up to Morgoth's offer to treat with them for a SIlmaril, but Maglor is a bit more savvy and realizes that not only is it a trap, but if he does end up getting captured and recognized they will lose. So he disguises himself as one of his younger brothers, possibly Caranthir, and does get captured because Morgoth would never resist the urge to do harm to something Feanor loves and how could he resist one of Feanor’s sons walking into a trap so neatly?

Maglor he rescues himself, and frees a bunch of others in the process. I haven't decided for sure if he'd try to go for the Silmarili or not, because on one hand you have the oath but also he could get caught again and this time they'd know who it is and how to prevent him from escaping again. Though I'm leaning more towards not because he'd be injured due to the torture and whatever else happened, and exhausted from freeing himself and everyone else he could, because let's face it he totally would free others.

If that's the case then he'd get back to his brothers and take over again after convincing them it really is him, and then he'd have to deal with all the fall outs with Nolofinwe and Thingol. As in canon at the end of the First Age the Valar are helping out by sending Eonwe, Maedhros, and Arafinwe with their army. Maglor is not happy about that and is perfectly willing to let them know it.

Glaurung still goes though the Gap and takes over Nargothrond. Maglor is the one to build Himring and holds the Gap at the same time. I'm thinking that either Aegnor or Angrod reports to him frequently and so survives that mess temporarily taking over in Himring while Maglor goes to try dealing with the dragon.Possibly both cousins, and one of them closes the Pass while the other holds Himring.

I've also been debating on Nolofinwe. Like maybe he doesn't do the stupid thing and instead goes to Himring to get advise since Maglor is the one who knows Morgoth the best by that point instead of riding to his death.Then again the injuries he inflicts help later with retrieving the Silmarili. Either way Nolofinwe will die before Arafinwe gets there. Feanor is well and truly dead, and like with canon Finrod dies painfully against a werewolf.

From here it’s pretty much just deaths and survivals that I’ve decided on being mentioned.

Fingon... actually survives but is badly hurt and is sent to Balar to never again be on the battlefield. Turgon dies from the wounds he gets because of his tower falling on him, he doesn't get crushed just buried and then bleeds to death. Erenion survives, Maglor is quite a force to be reckoned with regarding the safety and well being of his charges and Elrond and Elros are very attached to him. Artanis survives like in Canon, and Aredhel... I'm thinking she survives too, but it's close. She doesn't get hit by the javelin because Ecthelion is there and actually thinking so he checks Eol for weapons first, but Eol still dies, death by beheading. Aredhel saves Ecthelion later by cutting off his armor as he's sinking and then dragging him to the surface. Maeglin survives barely, and is in pretty much the same boat as Finno, literally at the end of the First Age.

Celebrimbor survives because one of the Feanorians besides Mags does and they rescue him together. Amras dies, arrow to the throat. Caranthir dies, took too many hits same as Feanor, but in Doriath. In this the Feanorians were trying to disable people there not kill them since Maglor was trying to keep as many people alive as possible, and no one bothered to check until later which later helps the Feanorians immensely. Amrod lives and takes the twins under his wing, both sets of El twins because they are adorable and need an older person who was also a twin to teach them stuff, especially if their parents die due to lack of attention or their parents run off for some reason rather than stopping and listening, it's how he stays somewhat sane. Celegorm dies, but Curufin survives, though both are close calls. Curufin nearly died and Celegorm nearly survived and if Moryo had survived until then both would have lived.