Jahresrückblick 2023
10 mal Dancefloor. 26 Alben. 16 mal "songs". 1 mal alles andere (05.01.2024)
BEST TRACKS (DANCEFLOOR)
1. dj koze – wespennest
2. actress – push power
3. roisin murphy – you knew
4. roisin murphy – can't replicate
5. peletronic – riddim & bassline (dmx krew remix)
6. jayda g – blue lights
7. aliyah's interlude – it girl
8. grim104 &dissy – risse
9. ren – down on the beat (feat. viktus)
10. kelela – closure (flexulant x bambi remix feat. rahrah gabor + brazy
BEST ALBUMS
1. the chemical brothers – for that beautiful feeling
2. protomartyr – formal growth gn the desert
3. actress – lxxxviii
4. die türen – kapitalismus blues band
5. jesus piece - ...so unknown
6. sqürl – silver haze
7. deichkind – neues vom dauerzustand
8. róisín murphy – hit parade
9. helmet – left
10. sleaford mods – uk grim
11. helena hauff – fabric presents helena hauff
12. alison goldfrapp – the love invention
13. jayda g – guy
14. panda bear & sonic boom – reset in dub
15. bipolar feminin – ein fragiles system
16. squid – o monolith
17. overmono – good lies
18. king krule – space heavy
19. elektro guzzi – lost tracks
20. metallica - 72 Seasons
21. shame – food for worms
22. czarface – czartificial ontelligence
23. dj shadow – action adventure
24. credit 00 – midnightlife crisis
25. ayesha – rhythm is memory
26. comforter2 – tell me something happy (before i fall asleep)
BEST SONGS (inspired by fm4)
(zufällige reihenfolge)
roisin murphy – fader
deichkind – kids in meinem alter (part 2)
die türen – grunewald is burning
neps – melody
coach party – what's the point in life
laurell – best night ever
pixey & tayo sound – daisy chain
cordae – make up your mind
turnstile & babadnotgood – underwater boi
k.flay – raw raw
texta – still funky
mae stephens – if we ever broke up
coi leray – players
gretel hänlyn – king of nothing
soft play – punk's dead
sharktank – h-a-p-p-y
AND ALSO …
DJ/ELECTRONIC SET – dj joe joe, fm4 unlimited im wiener prater
CONCERT – preoccupations, chelsea, wienb
FESTIVAL –
CLUB –
TV – star trek lower decks, beavis and butthead,
RADIO – deutschlandfunk kultur tonart
MOVIE – the marvels
MUSIC-VIDEO – Aphex Twin – Blackbox Life Recorder 21f
MAGAZINE – trasher
MUSIC-MAGAZINE – musik express
BOOK – kein aktuelles
NOT BAD – die unterschiedlichen meinungen von freiwillige filmkontrolle (rolling stone) und fm4 filmpodcast
NOT GOOD – war²
2024 – eine ep
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Prompt#1: Envoy
Author’s Notes: This is an AU where Viktus breaks under the heavy expectations of a hero.
Characters: FFXIV WoL, Fandaniel
---
The glass shatters at it falls to the ground, wine splattering on stone floors. Viktus rises from his seat, the moniker slipping from another’s lips.
“Warrior of Light”
His lips purse as he takes a few steps forward, eyes sweeping at the crowd in front of him. His mismatched eyes curling up in glee, as each step forward warrants a step back from his audience. The heavy clink of armor bounces against the walls, cold, unbidden.
Viktus pauses in his march, the sweep of his cape stopping just mere inches from his heels.
“Why do you look so afraid? Aren’t you happy to finally see your warrior of light alive?” His voice booms against the silence, making the onlookers shudder in fear. The rush of magic in the air tingles his skin and he’s quick to summon a barrier at the lightning aimed at him.
The duskwight turns to the spellcaster, a nameless hyur with fear filled eyes. He makes his way towards them, the crowd shrieking away in fear. They rush to the doorway, barred from the outside, clammy hands pounding. They cried to escape, shrieking, crying, why were they here.
The assailant stands frozen in fear, their eyes widening as whimpers escaped their lips. Viktus easily towers the individual, his height casting shadows all over their face. He leans down, wrapping his gloved hand around the hyur’s wrist, guiding their shorter arm towards his head. He had to bow further, letting the shaking fingers pressed against his forehead, “Here. Does this make it easier for you?”
He releases the hyur’s wrist, chuckling when it falls limp back to their side. “Oh? What happened to your earlier bravado?” He grins, pressing his hand to the hyur’s shoulder, patting it. Watching them crumble at the motion, cowering as a heap in front of him.
“Ah, Viktus. When I told you to wreak havoc, I didn’t expect you’d take your time.” A new voice chimes in, making the elezen turn around. Clad in ragged mauve robes, the familiar face of the deceased Asahi sas Brutus greets him, perched in the open window. Moonlight spills upon the smaller form but Viktus already knew who this was.
“Fandaniel, how surprising to find you here in Ishgard.” The former noble notes, his body shifting to pace back to the Ascian.
Fandaniel shakes his head, a soft chuckle bubbling from his lips, “When you mentioned you wanted to be an envoy, I didn’t expect you’d take your time.”
“Ah, but where’s the fun in rushing things?” Viktus stops in front of the smaller male, the moon’s shine making the bloodied metal strapped upon his back glisten. Fandaniel frowns at his appearance but makes no comment about it.
“Indeed, but you’re taking things very slowly.” Perching his chin upon his palm, Fandaniel shifts his gaze to the other people present. “Then again, we’re here to end everything. A little fun is good at times.”
Viktus grins, his eyes glinting with mirth, “Good thing we’re finally on the same page.”
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Morning Glory
Fandom: FFXIV
Characters: WoL [Warrior of Light] Mentions of Y'shotla, Urianger, Thancred and Ryne
Summary: A request of someones WoL going through light poisoning
Dying animals have a tendency to wander off, away from those they consider family to die alone. It could be to spare them the pain or to not show themselves in a vulnerable state.No one could be truly sure but Viktus could claim it to be the former. He has been a champion for all; for Eorzea, for the Far East, a beacon of hope for his friends and now a soon to be savior of this foreign new world that is a reflection of his own.
With each victory, he felt like he was changing. Perhaps he could say he was getting stronger but the change was something different and almost painful but he needed to press on. After all he has dealt with much worse from various primals and Gods he has come to slay. Still he had heard the hushed conversations between Y'shtola and Urianger.
The concern in Y'shtola's voice with a small sliver of hope as she questioned that she could be wrong. After all they were in a new world and while they may have been here for years this land could have different rules to them and things could still hold surprises for them. She hoped desperately that her aether sight was weakened with the forced transfer to the First but Urianger's grim response made her voice crack.
"What are we to do? There must be a way to reverse it or alleviate it." She said, as she knocked her knuckles against her chin.
Viktus wanted to say he was fine but with how he was feeling recently he could very easily be caught in his lie. He just did not like the voice breaking, not when he knew how strong Y'shtola was. Thancred was also in on knowing what ails him as it seems he spoke with Minfilla about what she could do when and if the time comes. Viktus knew how hard that must have been to ask her, to force her to do something he saved her from.
Heading to The Pendants, he made his way to look in the mirror to find his reflection very much the same. Grayish skin decorated with past foolish achievements of lone adventures. Heterochromia added to his "abnormality", one red and one blue as well as his moon silver hair with streaks of pale blue. It was a quick flash, almost as painful as his aether leaves that felt only like they have burned worse since arriving at the First. In the mirror his visage changed; Hair golden with white streaks, eyes one pale white the other an ominous black. The scar on his left cheek seemed to make him look as if he were a broken porcelain doll, a golden streak on his paled skin. The leaves were more apparent, golden and as if seared into his flesh.
Viktus fell back away from the mirror, breathing heavily as he listened to a familiar and concerned voice.
"You should tell them. Your friends can help you."
Viktus looked to the aetherial form kneeling beside him in warrior's armor, quickly trying to shoo him away. This was nothing, just the Firsts' light tricking his eyes. He could not afford to make his comrades worry more than they already are. They treated him differently, as if he were a bomb ready to explode and he hated it. While he went most of his life alone, he hated feeling alone. A ghost does not company make. He will continue this fight without telling the others, his main reason to keep going was to get them back to the Source. If he didn't make it, well he doubted anyone would actively miss him, what with how he kept them all at arm's length. For now he did not want to think of the worst case though. There was one last Light Warden, one more fight and he will save everyone. Once Vauthry was stopped this hell should end.
He won. Vauthry was slain. Then why does it feel like the fight was not yet finished? Why did he suddenly remember vividly what drowning was like? Memories of his childhood flooded his brain; drowning, suffocating...dying. Was he dying? No this felt different, it hurt more. Aetheric vines seemed to have bloomed in excess across his body as he cried out (against his better judgment) for help. Help from his loved ones, his friends...his family. Screaming in pain, the vines on his skin spread, wrapping around his wrists like Aetheric cuffs yet somehow blood spilled to the ground or what would have been considered blood. From the wounds, white liquid pooled on the ground, coughing up and producing more white to join what was already on the ground. He struggled to breathe, tears of black streaming down his face. Back and forth his appearance changed as he had an internal civil war. Matching his struggle the sky above for all to see shifted between overwhelming light and returned darkness.
A disappointed voice spoke to him, he could swear it was the ascian, Emet-Selch who was talking before but the voice was different. Everything went quiet except for this voice that sounded almost like his own but more brash.
"You want them to see you this way? You are letting them all down because of your weakness. If you die they die as well. Fight or they will kill you."
Viktus growled wanting to attack the voice, as his form shifted continuously until the Exarch tried to help him. No he was not a ticking bomb! He can still save everyone. He can shut that damned voice up. Standing up slowly, he screamed out to the heavens.
"SHUT UP!"
Everything went black, he fell with a thud and it was finally quiet. It was then that he found himself awake in The Pendants to find that he had failed but at least he did not fail himself, his skin was his own again. He could not deal with this failure though and while his friends told him that it was not his fault he knew that it was that he needed to be stronger. He will win this time and will return the night if not for his friends than for the voice that sounded so disappointed.
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Drowning Sorrows
These scenes happen right after Heavensward quest.
CW: NSFW, Copious consumption of Alcohol, Bad Coping Mechanism, Yaoi
----
Perhaps I should cease the countless night of overindulging in alcohol.
I don’t miss the worried glances that Alphinaud sends my way nor the gentle touch of Tataru’s hand on my own, pressing my calloused drinking hand down on the table. The way she murmurs my name in worry, or the gentle guidance of Hilda’s companions as they drag my inebriated body to the quarters I was borrowing for the night.
I had learned sooner it was all the better to hide away from House Fortemps, I could not bear to step into the home despite Lord Edmont’s worried summons.
I was a coward; I couldn’t even face the man who had given me refuge since we were branded traitors by the realm, we fought tooth and nail to prosper.
Deep down, I didn’t mind being told to go here and there. It gave my life a semblance of direction, the path though drench in sorrow and macabre.
Ah, these will be thoughts left for another night.
“Viktus…”
I tip the last drops of brandy onto my tongue, settling the glass on the weathered table to give Gibrillont a questioning look. He merely sighs, taking my now empty glass and stepping away. “I think you’ve had enough for the night.”
“Yes, I do think so myself.” The words are slurred but I was stalwart. I do believe I was still sober, save for the slight waver in my posture. Hilda throws me a worried glance, but I stop her from standing up. I didn’t want to return to the cot The Forgotten Knight so kindly offers. Not for tonight.
I glance back at Gibrillont, haphazardly slamming a handful of gil, “For the trouble.”
“You better watch yourself, Viktus.” He murmurs as he slowly slides the coins into his palm.
“When did I ever drop my guard?” I chuckle, staggering away from the counter. I grip the handrails as I ascended the steps, perhaps some time outside could perk me up. I didn’t want to sleep yet, who knows what nightmare was waiting for me this time.
The creak of the door welcomes the shock of cold on my skin. I shudder at the dip in temperature but this was what I wanted right? I grumble softly, stepping out of the warm tavern, letting the door close behind me.
The thin material of the scholar’s clothing provides little warmth under the onslaught of the Ishgardian weather. My breath fogs in front of me but my eyes ever wander, taking in the bleak scenery. The moon sits high within a cloudless sky as snow continues to fall all around me. What time was it? Far too late to wander with a muddled mind yet I cared none for decorum.
I stumble my way towards the Congregation, a name on my lips. Firmalbert was startled at my drunken presence, kind enough to offer assistance to bring me home.
I could laugh to myself.
Home? Where was home?
Long have the days gone and nowhere feels like home. With all that happened, where can I rest my head?
I clear the errant thoughts from my mind, telling him that I had business here. Though he looked skeptical at my words, he steps aside to give me passage. My unsteady steps would most likely arch a brow but he did not comment as I made my way inside. The hearth casting warm around the room, but the landing wasn’t my destination.
I turned to the side, nodding to the guard before I make my way to the Lord Commander’s office. He steps aside to let me through though I notice the worried crease in his brow as I was passing through. Thankfully he made no comment as the doors closed behind me, though it eased little of the tension hanging in the air.
The air feels much colder inside than outside, chilling my fevered skin as I take the last few steps to the Lord Commander’s study. My calloused fingers wrap around bronze, twisting the small knob so silently; the man in front of me hardly pauses from his task.
Carefully, I step into the simple office, my booted feet making no sound on carpeted flooring. Dragging the door behind me as slowly as I could my gaze hardly shifting from the scene in front of me. It’s only by the gentle click of the lock does Aymeric finally bring his gaze up, his body jolts in surprise at my presence.
“My friend, what brings you here? At this hour no less.” He hastily drops the paper within his hand, pushing the pile to the side as his other hand wipes the tiredness on his face. Had I been sober I would have frowned in worry, but that was a thought that I hardly cared for at the moment.
He clears his throat, closing he distance between us until he stands an arm’s length in front of me. His smile falters lightly, perhaps the strong scent of alcohol from my body was a giveaway. I sway to the side, blushing lightly at the sign of weakness.
The Lord Commander’s hands are quick to steady me, though he remains a safe distance. I look up to find his brow creased, thinking, hesitant. I straighten myself, his hands guiding until they slide away, leaving a warm trail on my skin.
“You should be home and in such a state no less. I shall have a guard aid you on the way back. House Fortemps is quite a walk.” He looks away, cheeks lightly stained red, “I would have accompanied you but I have some documents that need tending to.”
“We both know I can’t stay upright for that long.” I chuckle and Aymeric joins in.
“True. I should have been more astute in my assessment.” I watch his lips mouth the words, the pompousness of his vocabulary grated me in my drunken state. “Though, embarrassing as it is, I have only the seat to offer as a space of respite.”
“That is more than enough for a weathered traveler such as me.” I joshed.
“Ah, I had forgotten you are not a novice to such unfavorable circumstances. Do forgive me, my friend.” He was talking too much.
Aymeric’s hands steady me as we make our way to the seats, my body sagging as we sit down. The plush pillows around me was enough to lull me to sleep but sleep was a place I hardly run to at the end of my days.
“Now, perhaps I can fetch for some blankets to ease your stay. For a moment, let me- “So noisy.
I grasp his wrists, pulling him down to me. The clink of his armor fills my ears as I close my eyes, warm lips against my own. So quickly to press, so quickly to leave.
“Ah! My apologies, I stumbled against you.” Aymeric sputters and I open my eyes to see the crimson sprawl of a blush on his pale cheeks. He steps back, a hand covering his lips as he stares at me, “Truly I am sorry, my friend.”
His apology rouses me momentarily to sobriety, for a moment I feel shame. My hands lose their hold on him, falling into my lap as I stare at the callouses decorating my palms.
“No, it’s my fault.” I swallow thickly, quickly rearranging the pillows around me, “I’m sorry Aymeric. That was a stupid thing to do.”
“No- “
“Yes, it was. I apologize.” I feel the pinprick of tears stinging my eyes, stupid, stupid. “Well, please leave me to it. I don’t want to be a nuisance to your tasks.”
Aymeric grasps my hand, the metal of his greaves shock my body, “No it wasn’t…”
He trails off, pursing his lips before he looks away. The tips of his ears turn red in embarrassment but his hands still enclose my own.
“I’m clearly drunk and putting you in such a spot would be- “
“No,” Aymeric purses his lips, “I would want what you are offering…”
I arch a brow, more awake, perhaps a little soberer than a moment ago. “Are you-?”
He looks surprised before looking elsewhere, perhaps I will never hear the words from the Lord Commander’s lips.
“Then, you’ll let me…?” He nods to my query, and all hesitation leaves me.
I bring a hand to cup his jaw, bringing him closer. Aymeric’s deep blue eyes become half-lidded as he stares me down through thick lashes. I slide my hand to his nape, pulling him flush to my lips once more. This time I drink the sounds that spills from his lips as his hands make a trail along my sides.
Fingers undoing the intricate claps that keep his attire intact.
I cursed under my breath as I peeled layers and layers of Aymeric’s cumbersome armor. What is with Ishgardian nobility and the pompousness of their clothing? His own hands match my fervor, easy to part cloth and buttons as compared to my own hand’s work. The cool air summons goosebumps upon my skin, clothing sliding off my scarred body.
The clatter of armor against the carpet softens the sounds we’re adding to the late Ishgardian night. I pray the guards do not become nosy to the events behind the closed door.
Errant thoughts flit into my mind, compelling me to worry, to second guess, to wonder all the wrongs of the moment. Yet Aymeric’s lips chase the noise away, his touch burning the chill that has clung to my skin.
I want a time where I am not the warrior of light, or the savior of Ishgard, merely,
“Viktus.”
The hot press of his palm against my scarred body rouses my blood. His lips on mine, biting, needy; matching the fervor of my own touch. Two fools, so eager to just forget their shortcomings; chasing at the promise of warmth. A momentary reprieve to chase the cold, the emptiness.
I could almost laugh. Pitiful as we are, titles, armor and medals decorated our very being but we’re all the same once bare.
I remember vaguely how the night continues, only the hot rush of being wanted. For a night, the gentle embrace of another chases the nightmare away.
But how long should I continue running?
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