Tumgik
#Volcano Pizza
rabbitcruiser · 7 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
National Sausage Pizza Day
Pepperoni gets the spotlight too often, but sausage is a great pizza topping. Make a sausage pizza at home, order delivery, or try a new kind of sausage.
Almost every person on the face of the earth has a favorite kind of pizza! Would that kind happen to be full of the robust, well-seasoned flavor of sausage? National Sausage Pizza Day reminds us that while Pepperoni may be considered the King of Pizzas, it’s Sausage Pizza that’s Queen.
Sausage Pizza is the second most popular pizza in the world (only behind its good friend, Pepperoni Pizza), and with so many variations on sausage, there’s an endless number of types that can be deeply enjoyed. National Sausage Pizza Day is the perfect opportunity to challenge the idea of boring pizza and try multiple types of this spicy and delicious topping.
History of National Sausage Pizza Day
Of course, it’s true that almost everyone likes pepperoni, but what most people don’t know is that sausage is nearly as popular on pizza as its cousin pepperoni. While most places that serve sausage pizza use classic Italian sausage, that’s a discredit to the incredible variety it is possible to get out of this incredible meat treat.
There are as many types of sausage as can be imagined, including beef sausage, chicken sausage, and of course the classic pork sausage. Each of these can be made with apples, fennel, cheese, garlic, black pepper, red pepper flakes, and a myriad of other ingredients that can change a simple sausage into a delicious extravaganza.
Sausage on pizza is nearly as old as the pizza itself and has been a common ingredient in this flatbread-based treat for centuries.
Since National Sausage Pizza Day falls within Pizza Month, it’s a doubly good reason to celebrate! 
How to Celebrate National Sausage Pizza Day
Celebrating National Sausage Pizza Day can be loads of fun–and truly delicious! Get on board with all different varieties and brands of sausage pizza and try out these ideas for celebrating:
Go Out for Sausage Pizza
This is a great day to gather family or friends and head over to a pizza joint! Whether a deep-dish Chicago style or a thin crust New York-style, sausage pizza covers it all. Try out one of these unique and interesting pizza places that are known to offer some of the best pizza in the world:
Pizzeria L’Operetta in Singapore. Authentic Napoli pizzas are served in Southeast Asia at this delicious pizza place. Expect some interesting varieties of toppings!
Bæst Pizza in Copenhagen. Those searching for great pizza in Scandinavia need to look no further than Bæst in Denmark. They cook their pizza on a wood-fired stove that was imported from Naples!
Lamanna’s Bakery in Toronto. This Italian bakery is known for its authenticity, and its pizza recipe is no exception. Specializing in enormous slices of pizza, one slice can be shared with a friend (or even two!). Or, the brave few with a huge appetite can try it on their own. And the bakery offers delicious desserts–for those who have any space left after they have eaten their huge pizza slices.
Pizzeria Gino Sorbillo in Italy and Beyond. For the best in Italian pizza, of course, one must go to Italy (or, perhaps, Italy will bring the pizza to you). This chain of several pizzerias, owned and operated by Gino Sorbillo himself, has locations in Rome, Naples and Milan and other places in Italy, as well international locations of Tokyo, New York and Miami.
Make Pizza at Home
Some of the tastiest pizza is made in humble kitchens all over the world. The great thing about making it at home is that it can be made exactly to the specific desires and needs of the person (or family) who is making it! Enjoy making fresh dough or grab it from the refrigerator section at the grocery store. Stuff the crust, if desired. Make it thick or thin. Add various toppings (sausage required, of course). Then bake and enjoy!
Have Sausage Pizza Delivered at Work (or at Home)
Maybe the boss will pay for it, or maybe everyone will need to pitch in, but ordering sausage pizza for the folks at the office or the warehouse is a great way to celebrate the day! Check out local delivery deals that might be special specifically in honor of the day. Downloading the apps for the local pizza places is a great way to keep apprised of discounts and deals that are offered.
Discover Something New and Creative
National Sausage Pizza Day is a great opportunity to break free of old traditions and discover something new. Everyone has their favorite kind of sausage, and all of them can be used to top a pizza. One interesting favorite for a sweet sausage pizza is Apple Chicken Sausage, which lends a sweet flavor to the dish while still providing a tangy taste.
For the people who have only experienced classic Italian Sausage on their pizza in the past, it’s time to expand that palate. Head on down to the local butcher or deli department and ask them what they’d suggest using on a pizza, and turn them away from the Italian, since the point is to get creative here.
Get Cheesy for National Sausage Pizza Day
Looking for something cheesy and zesty? Some call it sacrilege, but other people may happen to enjoy putting Cheddar Wursts on their Sausage Pizza. Of course, this requires cutting it thin and layering cheese around it to get the best effect (because, honestly, who doesn’t just love cheese?), but it will taste absolutely fabulous. What other fun and unique variation will you come up with for National Sausage Pizza Day?
Source
2 notes · View notes
wormdramafever · 1 month
Text
Tumblr media
10 notes · View notes
carrotandlemon · 1 year
Photo
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
supermentaled away!
72 notes · View notes
Text
Tumblr media
Not a reblog from this site, but since I'm sharing other's art of Peppino on this blog now, I'd like to give special mention of this art (by TourDeFanta) depicting him in Idaho Volcano! In my last post I mentioned I've been playtesting for 2 CYOP(Create Your Own Pizza, a level editor mod)towers, one being Other Tower, and I can confirm Idaho Volcano is going to be awesome when it releases!
Tumblr media
14 notes · View notes
Text
just updated the very beginning of TK'sO!, after having multiple versions.
hopefully its the finalized version.
11 notes · View notes
winterwarburton · 10 months
Text
Best of the Summer Games Hype Train (Part 2: Demos)
I promised I'd talk about the demos I played during the Steam Next Fest last month and I delivered! 7 profiles on cool, new/upcoming games are up on the blog now. Go read!
Another summer is upon us, ushered in for us gamers by oodles of announcements, a slew of sales, and (my personal favorite) the return of the Steam Next Fest! As I mentioned in part 1 of this summer games shenanigan summary, I’ve had a very, very busy June (hence why this post is like 2 weeks late). Still, I did squeeze in some time to speed date some fresh, new demos as I do whenever a Next Fest…
Tumblr media
View On WordPress
7 notes · View notes
mthevlamister · 5 months
Note
two different users but same idea
Tumblr media Tumblr media
WOULD
@fishyfishyfishtimes I know you focus on fish but like I feel like this is
Yes????
2 notes · View notes
hardcoregamer · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media
The Top Ten Games of PAX East 2023
PAX East 2023 ended a couple of days ago, and while it suffered a bit to the still-lingering specter of COVID and the unfortunate timing of being held at the same time as GDC, this year’s event felt like a grand return to form. While there are still  notable absences that were felt (still hoping for that Indie Megabooth comeback), there was an incredible amount of amazing games to be seen, and so like with PAX West 2022 last year, we wanted to celebrate by once again picking our ten favorite games from the show.
Check them out!
1 note · View note
kollectorsrus · 2 years
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
4 notes · View notes
ignorancelive · 1 month
Text
so excited to see my friends tomorrow for my bday celebration i missed them all sm
1 note · View note
rabbitcruiser · 1 year
Photo
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
National Pizza Day 
National Pizza Day is the perfect time to get that pizza eating game on!
Yes, it’s absolutely true! A whole day – 24 happy and delicious hours – devoted especially to celebrating that yummy carb that almost no one can do without. From the humble beginning of sauce on flatbread to today’s gourmet offerings, pizza has captured the hearts and stomachs of people from all around the globe.
Enjoying the basic Italian Margherita pizza? Love the traditional American cheese and pepperoni? Feeling more adventurous and need to show that in a unique selection of pizza toppings? Now is the time to show the world what pizza eating really is!
Who is a pepperoni type of person? Or, who prefers their pizza plain – with just cheese and tomato only? Perhaps there is someone who likes to experiment with different, more unique toppings?
There are many disputes about the best pizza, with the main argument being whether pineapple belongs on a pizza or not. No matter each person’s preference, though, there’s one thing pretty much everyone can agree on: pizza is one of the best culinary inventions around.
Aside from figuring out what toppings to have on pizza, it is also necessary to make the decision about what type of crust to go for. There are also thick and thin crusts, as well as pizzas with stuffed crusts. The options are practically endless!
Now is the time to learn a little bit more about National Pizza Day.
History of National Pizza Day
While it’s impossible to know for sure, some people might say that National Pizza Day got its beginning in the 10th century in Naples, Italy. This is when records first show the presence of what has now become modern-day pizza. It started out as a simple flatbread spread with sauce and sprinkled with cheese. It is likely that the first people who made this as a creative snack for their families had no idea the sensation that they had whipped up and what it would become.
Pizza eventually made its mark on America in 1905. In New York City, a pizzeria called Lombardi’s created the spark that would light hearts across the country from then until now – and with no conceivable end in sight. And 1905 was the year that Lombardi’s was granted the first mercantile license to make pizza issued in the United States. Amazingly, Lombardi’s is still in business! For those who want to taste that first real pizza to hit American shores, head over to Little Italy in Manhattan and check them out.
It is estimated that the first National Pizza Day probably began some time in the early 2000s, but whenever it started, it now deserves to be celebrated each and every year!
National Pizza Day Timeline
6th Century BC
Writings from Darius the Great record findings of flatbreads that are topped with dates and cheese, which is possibly the earliest mention of something like pizza.
1522 AD Naples creates modern pizza
Following the import of tomatoes to Europe, the people of Naples begin combining them with flatbreads. Naples’ status as a port city means sailors and travelers spread the word throughout Europe.
18th Century Royal pizza oven in Naples
Queen Maria Carolina d’Asburgo Lorena, wife of the King of Naples, has a special oven installed in her palace that is specifically for making pizzas.
1830 AD Earliest-known pizzeria begins
In Naples, Italy, the world’s first pizza restaurant opens and begins to replace the street vendors who sold slices to local artists, students and others with low incomes. 
1905 First American merchant license for pizza
Lombardi’s on Spring Street in New York City is issued a mercantile license for baking pizza. This is the first official pizzeria license in the United States.
How to Celebrate National Pizza Day
Is it really necessary to give instructions on how to celebrate this awesome day? Even so, for those who are looking for suggestions, here are just a few ideas to get those creative juices started. This is a great way to be creative with the following ideas to try out on your own or with family and friends:
Enjoy a Slice (or Several Slices!) of Pizza
What could be better than enjoying a simple but delicious slice of pizza? This cheesy round disc has become a meal that is adored all over the world, from its founding in Italy to the war between New York and Chicago style pizzas, and everywhere in between. There’s Detroit style pizza, Neapolitan pizza, Greek pizza, Sicilian pizza, California pizza and many more.
The only difficulty on a day like today is deciding what sort of toppings to put on top.
Join in on National Pizza Day Celebrations
All throughout the USA and other places in the world, pizza places will host various events and activities in honor of National Pizza Day. Check out what’s happening in a local pizza place, or make a day (or weekend!) of it and take a road trip to a new city.
Types of events put on by pizza places in observance of National Pizza Day may include debuting special gourmet pizzas or limited-time-only toppings options. Look for restaurants that offer special deals, discounts, BOGOs (Buy One Get One), promo codes, and meal packages.
Local news programs often pay homage to National Pizza Day by including media spots where pizzas are made or featured. Look for pizza and beer craft pairing events at pubs and restaurants.
Host a Pizza Party
Another fun way to dive into celebrating National Pizza Day is by having a pizza party for friends and neighbors. Why not get a few loved ones together and order some of those favorite pizzas? After all, what could be better than some good food and good company? Keep things low-key and watch some movies together or choose to get the tunes on and dance the night away.
Or, if pizza day falls on a work day, celebrate by ordering pizza into the office and sharing a few pies with coworkers. Better yet, order from several different pizza places and have a taste test to see which is the best.
No matter what is decided, just make sure that there is plenty of pizza on hand for people to enjoy.
Try Making Pizza at Home
Feeling up to making pizza from scratch at home? It’s probably easier than it seems! Come on, it’s time to head into the kitchen and take a look around.
Pull out a favorite cookbook or hit up a search engine and search for pizza recipes. Wow! Look at all those options. Pick one that sounds delicious and then get going. Make trying a new from-scratch pizza a tradition for National Pizza Day!
Visit a Pizza Parlor or Pizzeria
Not a fan of the kitchen? That’s okay! Every city and town has many choices as well when it comes to this fabulous dish.
Head out and try a new pizzeria – or two! Make it a great family adventure. Let the kids help map out where to go. Maybe pick toppings out at random and try something you’ve never had before. Who knows? It may become a new family favorite.
Drive around any American city and it will not be difficult to find a pizza place on almost every corner. From the chains that boast a perfect pizza (exactly like every other one made from any of their stores), to the quaint mom and pop restaurants that share their family traditions with their customers year after year. There are lots of famous and popular pizza brands, with the three main ones being Pizza Hut, Papa John’s, and Domino’s.
The great news is that it isn’t necessary to choose between these types of pizzerias because they are all fabulous! Sometimes those commercials and funny jingles just get into my mind and make me drive over for a slice!
Learn Fun Facts About Pizza
There are lots of pretty interesting facts about pizzas that can be found and shared in honor of National Pizza Day.
Impress friends and family with fun facts like these:
350 slices of pizza are eaten every second in the United States. However, surprisingly, the country with the highest consumption of pizza in the world per capita is Norway.
The most expensive pizza in the world will cost a massive $12,000 to order. This is a pizza that is sold in Italy, made by Renato Viola and just the dough takes 72 hours to make. It features some of the most lavish ingredients (as would be expected for that price tag), such as grains of pink Australian sea-salt from the Murray River, lobster from Norway, and even three different types of caviar.
Pizza is the second most popular fast food in the United States. The only fast food that people love more than pizza is hamburgers! There is no denying that the love of pizza is very real.
Create New Varieties of Pizza
For an even more special National Pizza Day, take some time to come up with a unique pizza invention. There are many weird and wonderful toppings that people have put on pizzas over the years. Why not see what can be discovered or created as the next big thing?
In addition to traditional savory pizzas with cheese and sauce, people have also created dessert pizzas. These might include pizzas covered in Nutella and other chocolate delights, or pizza with cream cheese “sauce” and then covered in slices of fruit. Find recipes like this online, or you can create them. It might even be fun to share a new pizza creation on social media and make everyone drool over those creative pizza skills!Does the family already take part in this day? If not, make sure to start now, and turn it into a community event where everyone can be involved!
National Pizza Day FAQs
Is pizza healthy?
Some versions of pizza, especially frozen and fast-food versions, are often high in sodium, fat, sugar, calories and preservatives. However, homemade pizza that uses simple, fresh ingredients offers nutrients such as protein, calcium, antioxidants, vitamins and fiber.
How is pizza made?
Pizza is actually a fairly easy dish to make. It starts with a flatbread that is then topped with some type of sauce, vegetables, meats, cheese or other toppings. It is then baked in either a regular oven or a traditional wood fired oven.
Is pizza Italian?
Yes! Pizza is a dish that originated in Naples, Italy and is still served there to this day. However, pizza recipes differ based on region and some American pizzas, especially Chicago deep dish, barely resembles the original Italian versions.
What is the most popular pizza topping?
Certainly every individual has their favorites and preferences from Hawaiian to Margherita. But, for Americans, pepperoni tops the list of the best pizza toppings with more than 53% of people saying it is their favorite.
When is National Pizza Day?
Each year, National Pizza Day falls on February 9. But there are also tons of other ways to celebrate pizza throughout the year, including National Pepperoni Pizza Day, National Cheese Pizza Day, National Deep Dish Pizza Day, National Pizza Month and several others!
Source
2 notes · View notes
wormdramafever · 4 months
Text
Goodbye Volcano High among PRESS START's "Indie Games of 2023 that You Shouldn't Sleep On" !!!
GOODBYE VOLCANO HIGH The idea of a choice-driven narrative adventure combined with a rhythm game is already literal music to my ears, but Goodbye Volcano High blew away my expectations at every turn. The art and animations put it at the level of quality of a televised production and the teen garage band musical styling is so intoxicating that I still listen to the soundtrack on the regular.
youtube
10 notes · View notes
illiterateaffairs · 11 months
Text
DISTRACTIONS V | A SLIGHT MALFUNCTION
pairing: jamie tartt x f!reader (ted lasso)
rating: T
word count: 5,901
summary: afc richmond is off to amsterdam for an exhibition match, but the problem with going on a trip with the team is that jamie is on the team. poor guy just wants to know what he did wrong.
A/N: if someone is out of character in this chapter, no they aren’t. pretend i’m a perfect writer!
distractions masterlist | previous chapter
Tumblr media
So you’re definitely screwed - and not in a fun way.
The evening when Jamie came over to share pizza and watch Grey’s Anatomy with you ended with him spending the night. It was the first time he did so without sex being involved. The worst part was that you initiated it. You both let time get away from you - and Jamie became very invested in Meredith and Derek’s tumultuous relationship - so you told him he could crash since it was so late. You’d offered timidly, fearing he’d think it was weird since this wasn’t your usual routine. But he didn’t even hesitate in agreeing, and you didn’t turn him away when he followed you to your bedroom. 
Something shifted between the two of you after that. You actually felt like the friends part of your friends with benefits situation carried more weight. Now when he came over, instead of immediately jumping each other’s bones, you shared a meal, watched a show, or even played a game after Jamie noticed the few board games you had stowed away in your closet. 
And you talked more, too. He started telling you stories about his family; how close he and his mom were, and the strained relationship between him and his father. He never went into much detail, but you could gather that his dad was definitely not a great person. You liked that he trusted you enough, though, to let you in on even a tiny bit of his struggles. It made you understand him better. Naturally, you also started sharing more with him, such as how lost you felt before coming to the U.K. You’d confided in him about the lack of friends you had back in Chicago, since Mason practically isolated you from the world outside of his own, and how insecure that made you. “Well, now you’ve got a whole football club who’d do just about anything for you,” he’d whispered, gently running a finger across your cheek as the two of you laid in bed. 
At one point you almost told him a funny story about your childhood that involved Ted, but you bit your tongue and gave your uncle a fake name. Jamie cackled, though, as you described your Uncle Steve’s attempt at helping you with a science fair project that ended with baking soda shooting out of your fake volcano and into his eye. When you caught yourself musing that Jamie’s laugh must be the greatest sound in the whole world, you knew you were in trouble. 
You were fucking screwed. You and Jamie agreed: no feelings. The second one of you felt weird or that you didn’t want casual sex anymore, you’d stop. You never discussed what would happen if one of you felt more, because it seemed implausible. Yet, here you were.
The obvious solution was to call it off. Jamie probably wouldn’t care. On to the next. But the selfish part of you couldn’t do it. He was just so cute and sweet and he made you feel good. And not just in bed - in general. When you were around him, you felt confident and happy and safe. Mason, at least towards the end, made you feel anxious and inept and small. 
Maybe that was why you were feeling so over attached. You were used to the bare minimum from a guy, that now that a decent one was showing you attention and kindness, you were obsessing over him. 
But Jamie wasn’t just decent, he was…Jamie. And despite every bone in your body telling you not to, you really liked him. 
So, over the course of the last few days, you did what any reasonable person would do: ignore the problem until it just goes away. Unfortunately, the problem was Jamie and he was a little hard to ignore, since you worked with him. But you did your best to put some distance between the two of you. When he wanted to come over, you told him you had plans with Sam or Keeley. When he wanted to sneak away to your office, you told him Rebecca needed you. When he showed up at your flat with takeout from the Chinese restaurant you’d offhandedly mentioned loving once, to which he remembered, you fucked him on the couch and ate cold lo mein afterwards. But that was your only moment of weakness. 
You told yourself you couldn’t avoid him forever; just long enough for your feelings to dissipate. You were just in some sort of honeymoon phase, and once the novelty of him wears off, you can be normal about everything, until you both inevitably get bored of each other and move on. It was never meant to last forever. 
You have to ignore the way your heart aches at that thought. 
It’s because of your fool proof plan to get over Jamie that you decide not to attend Richmond’s exhibition match in Amsterdam this weekend. Something you hadn’t told Jamie, or anyone for that matter. Which is why you’re starting to feel particularly awkward as Ted sits across from you at your desk and goes on and on about the trip. 
“I was thinking when we get there, we could grab breakfast and sight-see for a bit before the game. Maybe Beard will tag along. What do you think?”
You’re pushing a piece of chicken around your plate absentmindedly when Ted looks up at you, and furrows his brows.
“What’s wrong, Kiddo?” he asks, setting his own plate onto your desk. 
You look up, with wide eyes, “Who, me? Nothings wrong. I’m great! Fucking fantastic.”
He tilts his head, fixing you a look.
Your shoulders drop as you sigh, “I just…don’t think I’m going to go to Amsterdam this weekend.”
Ted’s eyes widen in shock, “What? Why not? I thought you’d be excited! New country, new adventures. You know, Amsterdam is one step closer to Iceland.”
You huff out a laugh as you rub your temple. “I know, and I do want to. I’ve just been feeling kind of run down lately. I feel like life's been kind of go, go, go since I got here. Which has been great! But it’s catching up with me and I think I just need to unwind for a weekend by myself.”
While this isn’t exactly the truth, life has been a bit hectic, so you hope he buys it. Ted nods thoughtfully, as though he wants to ask more, but accepts your answer. 
This time you tilt your head and give him a pointed look, “What?”
“Nothing,” Ted’s quick to respond, “What you said makes sense. I guess I just haven’t checked in on how you’ve been coping with everything. You’ve seemed so happy since you’ve been here. You and Sam seem to get along real well, and Rebecca always sings your praises. But you are thousands of miles away from the only home you’ve ever known. Heck, I’ve been here for almost three years, and I still sometimes wake in a cold sweat craving barbeque sauce.” Ted smiles when you giggle. “All I’m saying is it's okay to miss home; to miss your parents, even to miss he-who-shall-no be named.” 
You're surprised when, despite Ted avoiding his name, the allusion to Mason doesn’t make your head spin. You snort, “Well, while I do miss my dads and deep dish pizza, I can assure you I do not miss Voldemort.”
Ted hums, “That’s good.”
“You’re right, though. I honestly have really loved my life here these past few months, but I think I made myself skip the part where I processed all the changes. So, I think some time to just be will be good for me.”
“I think so, too,” he nods, “But the team and I sure will miss you this weekend.”
You don’t have time to bask in the sentiment when a knock comes through your office door. Before you can respond, the door opens to reveal Jamie. 
You swear time stops for a second, as Jamie looks from you to Ted, and Ted looks from Jamie to you. You just blink, practically staring into the abyss. You know Jamie is scrambling for an excuse as to why he’s here, as you try to rationalize why either one of them is in your office. Thankfully, Ted has more than one brain cell and is able to play it cool.
“Hey, Jamie, what brings you here?” Ted greets cheerfully.
“I’m, uh, here to ask if I can see the videos we got today at practice.” Jamie makes up and you’re almost proud, “I have to make sure my public image is maintained.”
“Yes, he’s very stringent about that.” You add on, giving Ted a playful eye roll about Jamie’s ‘antics’, and he’s none the wiser. Ted gives you an amused smile. 
The older man gets up and starts gathering trash into the takeout bag to dispose of. “Well, I should get going. Thanks for dinner, Kiddo. Don’t tell Roy, but this is why you’re my favorite coworker.” Ted turns to you in the doorway and winks from behind Jamie. He pats the younger man on the shoulder, and as he leaves, shouts back, “Good night, you two.” 
Jamie shuts the door behind him, “Do you have dinner with Ted often?”
You shrug, “Sometimes.” 
Jamie nods, and you’re relieved neither of them were suspicious of anything. You’re still overwhelmed by the two of them crossing paths like that, that you’re late to processing that you and Jamie are alone in your dimly lit office which is exactly the type of situation you’re trying to avoid. However, Jamie doesn’t initiate anything like you’d expected. Instead, he flops down into the chair across from you, almost dejectedly. He beats you to the punch before you can ask.
“Why aren’t you coming to Amsterdam?”
That takes you aback, “You heard that?” You glance briefly in the direction Ted disappeared in, “Did you hear anything else?”
“No,” Jamie frowns, “I got here right when Ted said the team would miss you.”
You hold back a relieved sigh. 
“We will miss you, by the way,” Jamie adds, “Me especially.”
Your stomach flutters. What the hell did that mean?
“Really?” you ask quietly.
“Yeah,” Jamie nods, “Hotels are the best places to have sneaky sex.”
You scoff and roll your eyes, honestly grateful he’d snapped you out of your stupor. 
“Sure they are. Especially when you’re sharing a room with one of your teammates.” 
“Well, I could get us our own room. A private suite. Maybe with a jacuzzi tub.” Jamie reaches across the table, taking your hand and rubbing it gently with his thumb. “That is, if you come with us this weekend.
You stare longingly at your intertwined fingers and he almost has you. Luckily, you have a miniscule shred of willpower left. 
“I’m sorry, Jamie,” you reluctantly pull your hand from his, “I really need to stay in Richmond this weekend. I need some time to relax.”
“Well, I could help you do that,” Jamie scoffs.
“Jamie, please.”
You must give away how desperate you are in your tone, because Jamie’s playful expression changes to concern.
“Are you alright?” he asks, “Did something happen?”
“No,” you shake your head aggressively, “I promise. I just want some alone time. I feel like my social battery just needs to recharge, you know?”
After a moment, Jamie still looks unsure, but nods. You think he’s going to say something else, before he’s standing up. 
“I guess I’ll see you next week, then?” 
You nod, and then throw him an encouraging smile, “Break a leg this weekend.”
Jamie’s face scrunches in confusion as he juts back, “What?”
You squint, “You’ve never heard that saying?” he shakes his head, “It means good luck.”
“Why the fuck would breaking a leg be good luck?”
You stare at him for a few seconds before frowning, “I don’t actually know.” 
He shakes his head and continues to the doorway, giving you one last look as he wishes you a goodnight and disappears from view. 
Sourly, you realize this was the first time he hasn’t offered to drive you home since you’ve met.  Maybe that was for the best. 
Tumblr media
Jamie Tartt doesn’t yearn. 
He’s liked plenty of women. He’s even loved a couple of them. But he doesn’t obsess over them. 
You’re different, though. Apparently. 
As soon as he left your office after finding out you weren’t coming to Amsterdam, he couldn’t stop thinking about you all night. It really wasn’t a big deal. It was two days. You weren’t even a couple. And yet, the idea of being apart for that long made his chest hurt. What the fuck was that about?
He’d been having confusing feelings a lot recently when it came to you. The two of you are closer than ever, bonding over little things between really, really great sex. At the same time, he felt like you were pulling away, and he couldn’t understand why. He thought you were having fun together. It really seemed like you enjoyed yourself, whether the two of you were just hanging out, or participating in your more extracurricular activities. But maybe you were getting tired of it. Maybe you were getting tired of him. 
Shit. What did he do wrong?
And why does it bother him so much?
It was all your fault, really.
You with your kind heart and sweet compliments, which didn’t feel earned but he appreciated. You with your safe and comfortable embraces. You with your absolutely addictive laugh, that he’d jump through hoops to hear over and over again. You with your fucking eyes and the way you touch him during nights together, making him feel so wanted. You’ve gotten him accustomed to a certain lifestyle, one that he’s never experienced before, so now he wasn’t sure how to go back to before you started hooking up. Maybe that was what unnerved him. He was afraid if you stopped the benefits, the friendship would also stop, too. A little bit was about missing the sex, but mostly he’d miss you. 
God, how you’ve ruined him. 
Now here he was, surrounded by his teammates, in one of the greatest cities in the world, as they all mourned yet another loss. Despite how soul crushing these consecutive losses have been, Jamie finds himself more upset by the fact that he can’t see you tonight. With that thought propelling him, he jogs out of the locker room and finds an empty hallway to call you in. He doesn’t care if this makes him seem weird or desperate. He just wants to hear your voice. 
“Hey, Jamie,” your soft voice answers after two rings. He clocks that you still sound a bit off, but it soothes him nonetheless, “I saw the game. I’m sorry.”
He manages to laugh, “Why are you watching football when you’re supposed to be relaxing?”
He smiles when he hears your own laugh through the phone, “I can multitask.” 
There’s a beat of silence before you continue, “How’re you feeling? How’s the rest of the team?”
“Everyone’s miserable,” Jamie says point blankly. 
“Wow, no hesitation there.”
“Yeah,” Jamie chuckles dryly, “Wish you were here, though.”
He listens intently as you sharply inhale. When you don’t respond after a few seconds, he calls out your name. 
“Hey, Jamie, I’m in the middle of cooking dinner and if I don’t hurry, half of it is going to boil over. I’ll talk to you later, yeah? Tell the team hi for me.” 
Before Jamie can even say goodbye, you’ve hung up. That doesn’t sit well with him. Not just because you ended the call so abruptly, but because he knew you really only cooked when you were anxious. Something was definitely up. Even if it had nothing to do with him, he finds himself wishing you’d at least want to confide in him.
Later that day, when the team has boarded the bus, the morale is criminally low. It’s so bad that it has Ted Lasso declaring that he’s revoking curfew and encouraging everyone to pull an all-nighter in Amsterdam. Suddenly, Jamie’s mood is boosted for the first time all week. A night of debauchery with his teammates was the perfect thing to get his mind off of their losing streak and you. Unfortunately, Roy has his own shit going on and decides that he needs to take it out on Jamie, by forcing him into an all night training session. Despite the disappointment, Jamie will take a distraction in any form at this point. 
So, he plasters on a smile and forces Roy on a running tour of Amsterdam. By nightfall, he’s annoyed the grumpy coach into admitting, one, that he’s never seen a windmill and doesn’t believe they exist, and two, that he doesn’t know how to ride a bike. 
Naturally this leads to Jamie teaching Roy how to do exactly that. After a series of attempts that are simultaneously humorous, frustrating, and endearing, Roy successfully manages to stay upright, and the two of them bike off in search of a windmill. 
For some reason, Jamie finds it in himself to apologize to Roy for making fun of him earlier. He’s also surprising himself when he tells Roy about his childhood visits to Amsterdam. The first involves a suppressed memory of his father taking him to lose his virginity, and the second with his mother, that he actually looks back on fondly. He’s never told anyone about either of these trips - even you. 
He supposes Roy could sense this, when he makes an admission of his own; that he’d been taking his anger out on Jamie because he’d found out Keeley has a new girlfriend. That’s all Roy says on the matter and Jamie doesn’t push him for more. 
Not long after that, they finally make it to a windmill. Jamie genuinely smiles, taking it as a win when Roy appears mildly happy. If Jamie could tell his childhood self he’s staring at a windmill in Amsterdam with his hero, that kid would probably shit himself. Now Jamie’s just happy they get along at all. 
Maybe it's because of the bond they seemed to forge that night, or maybe it's the sleep deprivation, but as they start biking back, Jamie finds himself confiding in Roy about something else. 
“Hey, can I get your opinion on something?” Roy doesn’t say yes, but he also doesn’t say no, so Jamie continues, “I’ve been sleeping with this girl-”
Roy groans.
“I know, just hear me out. We’ve been hooking up for a while now, and it's just casual, which is great, but recently she’s been acting weird. I think she’s making up excuses not to see me and it bothers me that she’s not telling me what’s bothering her. But we’re not in a relationship, so why should I care? I mean, I do care. Like, if she’s upset I want to know so I can help fix it. But I care as a friend, ya know? I guess what I’m trying to figure out is how to ask her what’s been going on, without fucking up our situation and making her think I like her more than I do,” Jamie explains in a rush. 
Roy discreetly rolls his eyes, “Well, it does sound like you fucking like her.” 
“What?” Jamie almost veers off the road, “I do not!”
“Yeah, you definitely do.”
“No, we’re just friends who occasionally have sex,” Jamie states firmly. 
“Alright, so if she told you she wanted to stop?”
Jamie hesitates, but eventually responds assuredly, “I’d respect her wishes.”
“And if she wanted to start seeing someone else?”
Jamie’s expression becomes pained. 
Roy chuckles as he shakes his head, “I fucking told you.” 
Jamie sighs, “Shit.”
“What?”
“I’m not supposed to…like her.” I promised myself. This was not the time for Jamie to spiral, but now his heart was racing. He knew he was too attached to you, but liking you? Romantically? And all it took was Roy fucking Kent to point out the obvious for it to sink in. 
“Well, tough shit,” his coach scoffs, “You like her, so what? You think she doesn’t like you? She must if she’s been putting up with you for however long.”
“Gee, thanks,” Jamie rolls his eyes, “And I have no idea how she feels, but that’s not what freaks me out. Its if she does feel the same way, it’ll be real, and when I inevitably fuck it up, I…I don’t know what I’ll do. I’ve never met someone like her, and the last thing I want to do is mess things up like I always do.” 
“So instead of the risk of potentially getting hurt down the line, you’d rather knowingly hurt yourself now by pretending like you don’t have feelings at all and hope they’ll go away?”
Jamie glances at Roy briefly before letting out a humorless laugh, “Yeah, that sounds about right.”
Roy nods ruefully, “Yeah. I know a thing or two about that.” 
Jamie sits with Roy’s admission. He assumes it's in reference to his breakup with Keeley, and he’s seen how he’s handled that. Maybe he should tell you, and maybe you’d live happily ever after. But there was still a chance you didn’t have the same feelings, especially with how you were seemingly avoiding him. That didn’t really give him a vote of confidence. After a few moments, Jamie’s brought out of his thoughts when Roy surprises him by saying your name.
“It's her isn’t it,” Roy asks, “She’s the girl you’ve been seeing?”
Jamie narrows his eyes, wanting to deny it, but not seeing the point, “How’d you know?”
Roy shrugs, “You’ve just seemed…,” it nearly pains him to say, “Happier, since she’s been around.” 
Jamie’s eyes soften, but then turns mischevious. He practically smirks despite the weight of this conversation, “You obsessed with me or something, coach?”
Roy grunts, “Shut the fuck up.”
“I have been, though,” Jamie admits, “Happier. Like I said, I’ve never met anyone like her. She’s so smart and funny, and so goddamn nice, despite some of the shit she’s been through. No matter how hard I try, I don’t think I’ll ever deserve her.”
Roy takes in Jamie’s words thoughtfully. “I don’t think you’re giving yourself enough credit.” 
Jamie chances a glance at Roy, surprised by his words.
“You’re a good guy, Jamie. And she’d be lucky to have you.”
Jamie tries not to be touched by Roy’s compliment, but a small smile finds its way on his face. Not many people have said this about him - he’s not even sure he believes it himself. He doesn’t know how to respond to convey his appreciation, so he just softly says, “Thanks.”
Roy looks over to Jamie and gives him a meaningful nod. “But if you tell anyone I said any of this I’ll fucking deny it.”
Jamie manages a laugh. “Aye aye, coach.” 
Despite his insecurities, Roy’s belief in him is almost enough encouragement to want to tell you everything and see where it goes. You had been putting up with him - to borrow Roy’s words. More than that, up until recently, he felt the two of you growing even closer, so there could be a chance it was because you were starting to develop feelings for him, too. He was inclined to believe it was all in his head, but maybe he should start looking at the glass half full instead of completely empty. 
While he definitely wouldn’t be professing his feelings to you right away, he was allowing himself to feel something akin to hope. 
Wow. Losing an exhibition match, bonding with Roy Kent, and denying but eventually accepting his feelings for you all in one night. When in Amsterdam. 
The pair continue to bike down the street in comfortable silence. That is until Roy accidentally veers off the road into the woods.
“Fuck!”
Tumblr media
Back in Richmond, you’re doing a horrible job of getting your mind off of Jamie.
You started your evening by watching their match, which definitely defeated half the purpose of not going with them to Amsterdam, but you used wanting to support the team as an excuse. You couldn’t keep your eyes off of Jamie, though, so by the time the game was ending, you were knee deep in making a whole-ass lasagna you definitely couldn’t eat by yourself. After their unfortunate loss, you sent Sam an apologetic text with a lot of emojis. What you weren’t expecting was Jamie to call you, and you felt like not answering would be rude. You thought you could handle a friendly conversation, but then he was saying something about missing you and you were panicking and hanging up before you could process what you were doing. 
You knew your tactics of avoiding him wasn’t exactly a nice thing to do. You just were not a confrontational person, and even though Jamie would most likely be cool with, well, cooling things off, you didn’t know how to express that to him. Jamie didn’t seem like the type to be angry at you for just asking for what you wanted, or try to convince you to change your mind, like someone else you once knew, but past circumstances clouded your brain, making it more difficult to try. 
So for now, you’d try to find the space to let any feelings go away on their own. Because that will definitely work. 
After over-indulging in homemade Italian food, you try to get invested in some good old TV. You try watching something new, not having had time to binge watch as of late, but you couldn’t focus on the plot enough to get invested. So, you tried watching Grey’s Anatomy, per usual, but even the iconic Cristina Yang wasn’t enough to keep your mind off of Jamie. As a last ditch effort, you threw on a trashy reality show but of course that reminded you of Jamie. 
Giving up on television altogether, you decide to Facetime your dads and catch up with them. Admittedly, you hadn’t had the chance to have a long conversation with them in a few weeks, only speaking to them briefly over text or quick calls between work and football matches. You were instantly comforted once their faces filled your phone screen, and you vowed never to go this long without speaking to them. 
Dad and Pops take turns filling you in on their life in Kansas, from work woes to neighborhood gossip. They also tell you about going to Henry’s soccer games and how well he’s been doing. It warms your heart that he’s most likely taken up this sport in honor of his dad. They also inquire about how work has been going for you (”it’s still really great!”) and whether there’s anything else of note to share (”nope!”). You wonder if they can sense the nervous energy radiating off of you through the phone. 
Then they ask you if you’ve been writing at all. For some reason this catches you off guard. It was as if you’ve never heard of the concept. When you first got to England, you’d try so hard to write during your off time. Rebecca has even encouraged you to do so when things were light at work. However, writer’s block was still plaguing you. And recently, all of your free time was taken up by team outings, dinners with Ted, and being with Jamie. But here you are, free from all of those things for the first time in weeks. 
After talking to your dads for nearly an hour, ending with a promise to do this more often, you’re hanging up and running for your laptop. You plop down on the couch and pull up a blank word document. To no surprise, you stare at the blank page for five minutes when no ideas come to mind. Normally, this would segue into you opening Google News to see if any little piece of media struck inspiration. When you do this, the first article you see is about AFC Richmond facing another defeat. 
You groan, closing the browser immediately. When you’re face to face with the empty page again, you aggressively smash your computer keyboard.
Fuck Jamie Tartt. 
For some reason, typing the words out on the page made you feel a tiny bit better, so you keep going.
Fuck him and his stupidly attractive face and his dumb, endearing jokes. Fuck him and his ability to invade my every thought, and the way he somehow knows exactly what to say to make me feel better when I’m sad. Fuck him and his surprising thoughtfulness and his sense of humor that perfectly complements my own. Fuck him for being so good at fucking me, that he’s probably ruined me for anyone else. Fuck. Jamie. Tartt. 
You stare at your stream of consciousness thoughtfully. It was like you were making a pro-con list where every con was just a pro you didn’t want to be true. These were all things that drove you nuts about Jamie - the way he became such a light in your life without you giving him permission to. He was supposed to be a safe choice because he was so unsafe. His reputation was bullshit. He wasn’t just someone you fooled around with until you got bored, or he did. He was someone you could see yourself being with forever without growing tired of him. 
Okay, avoiding him definitely wasn’t enough while these intrusive thoughts were circling your brain.
You reread the words on your screen one last time, as your hand hovers over the backspace. Before you click it, you find yourself amused by your chaotic ramblings. You even find yourself thinking…this would be a very intriguing first line of a book. 
It would take some fine tuning and obviously a name-change, but if you’d picked up a book and this was the opening sentence, you’d absolutely need to know more. 
Running with this thought, you start tweaking your words, while you simultaneously try to envision a circumstance for this story outside of your own. 
A friends with benefits storyline would be a little too on the nose, but enemies to lovers is always a good trope. Maybe after this first line, you could jump back in time, making readers wait until the book was halfway through to learn the context for this angry thought. 
Suddenly, you’re taking all your ideas and running with them. You switch between writing paragraphs, to writing ideas, outlining scenes, and jotting down incoherent thoughts that you’re not sure fit, but could honestly be enough of a thought-starter for a whole other story. No matter how it all fits together, you’re pretty dead set on a romantic comedy angle. You wonder why you hadn’t had the idea for one before, considering it was one of your favorite genres as a consumer. It probably has nothing to do with the lack of romantic-comedy-energy from your last relationship. And certainly there’s no correlation to being able to write one now with the current situation you were in.
Before you know it, it's the middle of the night and you’ve been writing for hours. You’re not sure any of its good, but its something. The one thing you know, as your eyes begin to droop, is that you’re not going to write anything of substance while your energy is sufficiently drained. 
You force yourself off the couch, managing to plug your computer in, before you crash on your bed. The next time your eyes open, its 9AM, and with barely seven hours of rest, you feel too wired to go back to sleep, anxious to start writing again. So, you put on a pot of coffee and fire up your laptop. You’re relieved you’d had enough of a brain at 3AM to save your document. 
You spend the whole day writing, only stopping for snacks and bathroom breaks. You only become aware of what time it is when someone pounds on your door as the afternoon turns to evening. You hastily save your word doc before sliding over to the door. You should be surprised that Jamie occupies the other side, but you really weren’t. What surprised you was how much he looked like a zombie. 
“Jamie?” you arch your eyebrow, as you move out of the way so he can cross the threshold, shutting the door in his wake, “Everything okay?”
“Guess what,” he says with a dopey smile on his face, “Ted let us stay up all night, so I taught Roy how to ride a bike and we saw a windmill.”
Part of you wants to laugh, but the rest of you is just really confused. 
“Wait, you didn’t sleep last night?”
“Mhmm,” he nods once.
“God, you should be passed out at home right now. Why are you here?” Your eyes widen, “Don’t tell me you drove in this condition.” 
“I ordered an Uber,” he explains sleepily as he takes your hand and tugs you to your bedroom.
Despite your plan to disengage in sexual activities - and all activities - with him, you don’t bother arguing knowing this wasn’t going anywhere while he was this tired. Still, you curse yourself for finding a sleep deprived Jamie very adorable. 
You giggle as he plops down onto your bed face first. He manages to hold onto your hand as you stare down at him from beside the bed. 
“You didn’t answer my question.” Jamie just mumbles incoherently into your mattress. Giving up entirely, you go to fold the comforter over him, having not bothered to make your bed this morning. “While you are welcome to nap here, I’m sure your fancy bed at home would be much more comfortable.” 
As you begin to tuck him in, he turns over suddenly, and pulls you onto the bed beside him.
“Yeah, but you’re not there and I wanted to see you,” he mumbles tiredly, his eyes fluttering up and down slowly. 
You allow yourself to bask in this moment, with your face a few inches from his. Sitting up slightly, you gently trace your fingers over his eyelids, coaxing him to sleep.
“Well, now that you’ve seen me, you can close your eyes and get some rest,” you whisper. His face nuzzles against your hand a little before he settles into your pillow. 
He mumbles something else, but then you’re pretty sure he’s fully passed out.
Sighing, you push yourself up and out of the bed. Per usual, he doesn’t stir at the movement, nor when you shut the bedroom door as you head back to the living room. 
Once you’re alone and back on the couch, you let out a long sigh and rub your face. He does not make it easy, does he? 
Even as warmth spreads across your face, Jamie’s words about wanting to see you echoing in your head, an uneasy feeling settles in your stomach. If you really wanted to get rid of the feelings you had for Jamie - feelings that were rapidly increasing by the second - you couldn’t avoid him forever.
You were going to have to end your “relationship”.
Suddenly, you’ve lost the motivation to continue writing a romantic comedy for the rest of the night. It was fun while it lasted. 
You’re not sure you mean your sudden ability to write again or something else. 
A/N: well that’s no good! lol, this was the hardest chapter to do, i rewrote some of it several times, so please let me know what you think of it!
Taglist:  @atabigail @boundtomyfate @sammysgirl1997 @lil-tracys @shephard17895 @alaspice @itsbarbraann @redpool @drmeghanjones @straightforwardly @alex-sulli @aiyaiy @artemismaximoff @roadtoself-love @theloud-yet-quietone @forcesofgrief @kirisimpster @geek-and-proud @grippleback-galaxy @lalla-04p @gabbycoady13 @royalestrellas @qardasngan @creationcitystreet-em @percysaidnever @emily-b @mrfitzsimmons @k-n-e @agentstarkid @legobatmans9thab @mrsprongs25 @escapismqueen @sokkigarden @for-fuck-sake-im-alive @dollfaceyourfear @dicgohargreeves @heyitz-julia @vampirodelascajas @grxcesmind​ @lizziel1410​ @a-sweet-little-fangirl @scaramou @beardsplitter @gcidrvsh @ringpopdust @marveltg365 @optimisticsandwichgladiator it wouldn’t let me tag the last few of you, let me know if its something with your settings, otherwise i can keep trying in future updates! <3
742 notes · View notes
Text
Tumblr media
Felt like posting again, here's a piece of art I should really remaster at some point(I imagine it would play out like a cutscene in game)
Maribel looking out over a balcony at the pie volcano. Sorry it doesn't have a proper name yet. Note that this was before I settled on a pumpkin motif for her hair, back then my rule was just "make Madeline's hair but more unkempt".
If I were to remake this I would have her directly at the volcano's foothills, looking up at strangely shaped hills and structures while her hair lightly flows in the breeze; with the same perspective of Maribel being to the left rather than the centrepiece. So in other words, not composed like this but still kind of the same general idea.
Tumblr media
I also imagine Maribel's hair flows shorter than Madeline's...
Pretty similar to the short cutscene upon starting a new save file now that I think about it...
Tumblr media Tumblr media
I don't have gifs of the actual intro with me but watch any speedrun (I reccomend Jade's speedruns cus they're silly and I watch them a lot) and you'll see it especially if they reset often
6 notes · View notes
socpens · 5 months
Note
was scrolling thru ur tumblr and saw the skittles pizza fotos... absolutely raging over the distrobution of the skittles. its so fucking funny and pathetic
just because of this message im gonna make a skittles volcano. a mountain of skittles, put in the oven, and then enjoy. thanks for the inspiration
227 notes · View notes
roosterm3attrash · 2 months
Text
101 ways to kill Barney Calhoun
I ended up making this list by going through multiple servers and people so here cuz I found it in my phone notes
Anyway the brilliant minds of the half-life fandom
1.) Waited pressure plate with tnt under it
2.) im going to leave mines under his mattress
3.) i’m setting a rake on his floor so he steps on it and whacks his face
4.) I'm giving him a bomb disguised as a cigar
5.) barney death 3: he ate what elvis presley ate….
6.) I would kill Barney Calhoun by slapping him so hard on the ass that it gives him cardiac arrest
7.) I drop him onto a pit of venomous snakes
8.) Im going to give Barney a beer but instead of beer it will be filled with deadly neurotoxin
9.) “now gordon, ive been keepin an eye out on this combine hideout for a while. they seem to walk in a certain pattern when crossing over to the entrance, which makes me think theyve buried mines all over the place. now, ive memorized the pattern, so im just gonna sneak on over, and you follow my lead, alright? dont worry, i know exactly where all the mines are.” and then he explodes
10.) that one episode of sponge bob where he eats the exploding pie and explodes
11.) set up tripwire then he falls into a tiger pit
12.) I type kill npc_barney into console
13.) slap the boobies off his chest so hard them fly around the world and hit the side of his head like water balloons
14.) i could marry him and slowly feed him mercury over a span for 3 years until he dies of mercury poisoning
15.) He tries to become a wwe wrestler but gets killed in a freak accident mid match
16.) I would kill him by making him a pizza but it’s covered in big chunks of lead but it’s hidden in the sauce and it’s a Chicago style pizza
17.) bring him to a highway and kiss him so hard he gets knocked onto the road and gets ran over
18.) Peeling him apart by the dna strand and eating it like spaghetti
19.) barney gets trampled by a stampede of horses
20.) giving him under the counter off brand viagra
21.) put him in a washing machine and turn it on
22.) shark attack
23.) pit of sharks
24.) barney gets criticized so badly he dies
25.) barney sits in an uncomfortable chair for too long
26.) He gets his arm caught in a bear trap w a beer used as a lure
27.) HE BECOMES THE CAT THAT TRAUMATIZED HIM. HE….YKNOW…..
28.) he gets stuck in a swimming pool like hes in the sims and dies from getting exhausted and drowning
29.) barney roasting marshmallows but his stick ignites into flames and he burns to death
30.) ATTACH SO MANY BALLOONS TO BARNEY HE FLOATS AWAY INTO THE SKY NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN
31.) barney gets rejected by gordon and he gets so sad his body shuts down
32.) I kiss him so tenderly on the lips that he melts into a puddle and dies
33.) i throw him in to a volcano so that he melt into a puddle and dies
34.) "I’ll turn him into a flea, a harmless, little flea, and then I’ll put that flea in a box, and then I’ll put that box inside of another box, and then I’ll mail that box to myself, and when it arrives…I’ll smash it with a hammer!"
35.) stick a bottle of beer into his throat, the whole bottle
36.) give Barney Calhoun a beer can full of poison
37.) hang a piano over the toilet and wait
38.) i think barney should have his spine ripped out through his mouth
39.) he goes to a bar and tries flirting with the bartender and the bartender takes out a shotgun and kills him on the spot
40.) punch him so hard in the penis that he shatters like a brittle glass
41.) bite him in half
42.) I'm grinding him in a giant shredder
43.) bro took a bath in hot mac 'n cheese
44.) i put him ina giant caldron full of water and i begin boiling him down to gelatin and broth
45.) barney accompanies the crew to the borealis and he steps over thin ice and gets dunked into the below zero water and freezes to death
46.) barney calhoun gets carried away by a tornado
47.) took barney on a vacation to Hawai’i and pushed him into a volcano
48.) He dies and he's never mentioned again and nobody cares
49.) died of tummy ache
50.) Stepped on by a strider
51.) shrinked until he disappeared completely
52.) blasted into the sun
53.) Stab him with 300 pencils made with real lead
54.) slip and falls and dies
55.) put him into a Minecraft furnace
56.) Barney ignores the wet floor sign and slips and cracks his head
57.) while swimming in the swimming pool he swims to fast and smashes his face against the pool's wall
58.) he gets a concussion and drowns
59.) i want to put him through a lunchmeat slicer
60.) He falls off a dumb huge cliff
61.) he lives his life to the fullest and at his deathbed at age 93, June 29th, 6:12 am he passes away
62.) he eats a burgie with too much grease and gets a heart attack
63.) testicular cancer
64.) He should get sucked into a fan while trying to fix it at Black Mesa and literally no one comes looking for him
65.) The Pita Bread Room
66.) slipped on a Banana peel
67.) ran over by a crap ton of shopping carts rolling down the hill
68.) barney overheats in a fursuit
69.) he has sex so bad that he dies
70.) Barney dies because i fucking kill him with a shovel 🖕
71.) barney eats the gas station sushi
72.) barney faints via twirling around and holding his hand in front of his forehead, and then slowly lying down with a flower in his hands to indicate death
73.) When they turn off the suppression fields he just blows up
74.) barney gets crushed by a giant boulder thats all i got son
75.) barney goes to the beach that makes you old
76.) His head spontaneously combusts and pops like corn
77.) erectile dysfunction
78.) we should also have him get carbon monoxide poisoning
79.) barney gets gaussian blurred into nothingness
80.) he eats 20 year old expired mcdonalds burger and contracts the worst case of food poisoning youve ever seen
81.) Have we done tying him to a train track like a damsel
82.) he dies in a glue trap
83.) barney develops lactose intolerance over the years of combine occupation and he drink milk and then dies from shitting hinself to death
84.) he should chocke on his favourite food
85.) barney gets lead poisoning from a 1990s garfield glass mug
86.) he chokes on plastic
87.) barney gets thrown throw a glass window from a 15 story building
88.) gordon gives barney a wedgie so bad that he splits in half and dies
89.) gordon and barney divorce and barney dies from heartbreak
90.) alyx and gordon have enough of barney’s snoring so they smother him in his sleep with a pillow
91.) he trips while walking with gordon and impales himself on gordons crowbar face
92.) if he were the size of an ant he'd be ok instead he blows up like a watermelon and his remains are fed to lamarr by a very delighted kleiner. he fucking hated barney
93.) dog roughhouses with barney and accidentally obliterates his spinal cord
94.) barney gets poisoned to death by his own chumtoad
95.) coats him in eggs and flour and fries him
96.) snatched by a hawk and eten alive
97.) barney gets to participate in a danganronpa killing game and gets executed
98.) barney opens the love-letter-for-you.txt.vbs file and it kills him
99.) elaborate rube goldberg machine to drop an anvil on barney
100.) barney dies in an Iron Maiden
101.) we should put barney under those old timey stone tablets meant to squish and torture people and make them talk
95 notes · View notes