#WHAT HAPPENED TO MY DEPRESSION WHERE’D IT GO

[hplonesomeart]

Hehe this man is broken and severely emotionally distressed. Silly lovable guy but given self esteem issues because of the crushing weight of perfectionism. Not so funny if you think about it too long. But at least on the upside he cries pretty :))

No but seriously for all those who relate to Mr. Puzzles just want you to know your accomplishments alone do not define your value and worth as a person. Even when you’re a messy work in progress, you are loved and appreciated more than you may recognize. Thank you for being here. Don’t get me wrong it’s good to be idealistic and set goals, but don’t undermine yourself if you don’t get that perfect score….or if you start to fall behind compared to everyone else. Everyone goes through those moments of doubt or perceived failure. We need to fail every once in a while. And that’s okay

…a-anyways funny goofy dramatic TV guy we love him so much so silly so slay he lives in my head rent free yipeee. This animation is dedicated to him because if anyone in the cast deserved a feature length film it was definitely him, and he sure took up the spotlight in Puzzlevison and absolutely owned it. I’m excited for his future endeavors ✨

[randompiecesofwriting]

Coffee Snob (Final!)

Summary: Robby has a bad shift, reader shows up to help keep him together

Pairing: Michael “Robby” Robinavitch x Reader

Word Count: 3.6k

Warning: Angst! Happy ending though I promise! General talks of sad depressing things you know how it is

Author’s Note: The last part!! I’ve had so much fun with these two and I really hope you guys have too but I think that for now at least I’m done with them, let them have their happy ending. Thank you so much for all of your guys’ lovely comments they alone kept me writing new parts to this!

Tagging @li22ie2017 one last time!

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Robby was right.

It was hard to go back to the way things were after that night. To return to a cold empty apartment shift after shift.

And maybe it was ridiculous to expect things to change drastically after one night. You’d only spent the night in his arms, made him breakfast the next morning, spent the remainder of the day in his clothes as the two of you went out and ran a bunch of errands.

The DMV, the bank, the locksmith, the grocery store. All day in his clothes, smelling like him after using his products in the shower.

That didn’t have to mean anything right?

But he could only take so many of Dana’s smug smirks as he delivered her coffee in the morning. Could only bare so much of Jack’s disappointed frowns each day at hand off as he asked if Robby had grown a pair yet.

So he was going to do it. Today. This morning. Before he could talk himself out of it.

He’d already talked his way through the process time and time again. Debated too many times if asking you to dinner was the wrong move given your profession. Wondered what he was going to do if he’d read the entire situation wrong from the beginning. He wasn’t going to push it off any longer.

He knocked on your door just as he did every morning before his shift. He had a surprisingly easy time getting up just a few minutes earlier if it meant he got to see you before going in. For too long he had told himself it was all for the caffeine.

He was practically repeating the words in his head as he waited. Practicing them over and over, ready for when you opened the door. Or at least he thought he was.

Because when that finally happened, when you finally opened the door and peered up at him with a bleary smile, his brain went fully blank.

How could it not when he saw that you were wearing his clothes.

He knew it was a possibility when he never got them back after lending them to you, but it was an entirely different ballgame in this moment, seeing you blinking the sleep from your eye, hair still mussed slightly from the night, silently waving him deeper into your place, all while wearing his sweatpants dangerously low on your hips. It was like you were trying to kill him.

He followed you in without a word, determined to recover, determined that he could still get through his question.

Then you beat him to the punch, speaking before he could, “they’re leak proof, I tested them, so you might want to put these in your bag” you handed him the familiar tumblers and he furrowed his brow at the instruction, nevertheless doing as you said and slipping them into the pockets of his backpack, the new rules becoming clear once you handed him an unfamiliar looking disposable cup.

He knew at this point his question was too far gone.

“What’s this?”

“Decaf for Abbot” you answered as if it were obvious, as if he should’ve known you’d make him one this morning.

“You made Jack one?”

You hummed almost nervously, playing with your fingers in front of you as you answered. “I’ve never met the guy so tell me if I’m wrong, but he seems like someone who would appreciate a proper pour over. Plain black and decaf of course”

“No he is” and the corner of his mouth tipped up in response as he inspected the cup “where’d you get it?”

You furrowed your brow at the question “what do you mean I made it”

“But it’s in a disposable cup”

“Well I couldn’t keep giving away all of my tumblers”

He paused at the implication, smile growing mischievously as he realized “Did you buy disposable cups just to give my coworkers coffee?”

You scoffed at the accusation, crossing your arms over your chest in response “What no I-“ you cut yourself off as you looked up at him to see Robby’s knowing smirk, the words dying in your throat “shut up”

He was laughing now, fully from his chest, the sound much too loud and earnest for this early in the morning and yet it felt right, it felt good. You watched him laugh while you squirmed slightly on the spot, rolling your eyes dramatically as you started to push him out of your apartment without another word, the corners of your lips still tipped up in amusement despite everything.

“No no I mean it’s sweet” he tried to defend himself, but you weren’t having it, hands on his back to physically move him out the door and into the hallway, grumbling about being late for work before slamming the door shut in his face, never giving him the chance to say anything more.

Robby’s grin never once slipped as you did so. “Thank you honey” he called loudly through the door despite the early hour as he shook his head softly, giving you a moment to respond even though he knew you wouldn’t before finally starting his trek down the hall.

With a smile on his face he couldn’t help but think that at least for now, this was enough.

-

Robby’s had some tough shifts in his time.

Of course none come close to the day of Pittfest in his mind but damn if today didn’t try and give it a run for its money.

He’d lost too many people, had to break the news to too many families, been screamed at by too many patients. Things just kept piling. He was pulled into too many directions so that it never felt like he could poke his head above water for even a second.

It was why at the end of his sift he found himself at the rooftop. On the wrong side of the fence. In Jack’s spot.

Jack was talking to him. And maybe he should be listening. Maybe he should care that his friend was trying to help. Maybe he should at least try and be nice when he asks him to leave but he doesn’t. He doesn’t blow up, he doesn’t yell, he doesn’t collapse onto himself, instead he shuts down. He stares out at the ground below him and lets everything else fade into the background.

So he misses the way the gravel crunches beneath Jack’s feet as he retreats, misses the second set of footsteps that approach in return.

What he doesn’t miss is the newcomers first words to him when they reach the safety railing “hey”

And for the first time a single emotion cuts through all of the numbness he’s felt since he got to the roof, giving way to pure panic. Because he knew that voice.

His head whipped up to meet your gaze in surprise “What are you doing here?”

You simply shrugged, leaned your forearms against the railing, looked past him at the skyline “thought I’d see what all the fuss was about, scope out your usual spot”.

And he knew what you were doing. This was the part where he jumped in, made a joke about not bringing alcohol this time, did anything to lighten the mood. But he couldn’t. Couldn’t get his head straight enough to form a cohesive thought because you weren’t supposed to be here, you weren’t supposed to see him like this, to see the cracks, to see how he could barely hold himself together, to see just how weak of a person he truly was.

And you must have read his silence, seen through him enough to know that he needed an answer, because eventually you provided one “Dana called me”

And of course she did, he loved the woman, respected the shit out of her, but she had a habit of sticking her nose where it didn’t belong, of trying to solve problems she had no business being a part of “I’m fine”

He refused to look back at you as he said it, refused to let you read his face as he blatantly lied, refused to give any weight to the conversation, refused to give you any reason to stay. And for a second you let his answer hang in the air, let him choke on it just a little before you spoke “We both know you’re never fine when I find you on a rooftop Robby”

He whipped around again to meet your gaze as a million emotions ran through him, his head not sure whether he should be embarrassed or angry or resolute in that moment. You knew, you always knew, and of course you knew. From that very first day on the roof he’d been able to see how well you seemed to be able to read him but he thought he had done a better job at hiding it, at being non-cholent, at being a normal fucking person.

 “It was why I talked to you that first day you know” you continued as you ducked under the railing to come stand next to him “when I first saw you I thought about just turning around and going back inside”

He scoffed at that, burring his hands deeper into his jacket as they formed tight fists “instead you decided to what take pity on me? That why you started the conversation”

“Instead I decided hey here’s a guy who looks like he’d understand” you spoke the words quietly, without any heat, refusing to rise to his bitter tone “you aren’t the only one who seeks out a roof when things get bad”

That shut up him, made him swallow his pride, made him look down at you with surprised eyes, because you were the last person he would expect to need something like that, something you seemed to be able to read in his expression.

“I’m alone in this city Robby” you shrugged as if it were obvious, looking out over the edge as you spoke “no real friends, no family. I feel incredibly underqualified for the job I have and because of that I constantly put pressure on myself to be better, to be faster, to be more creative, to come up with more dishes, then maybe I can start to deserve what I have. I have an entire kitchen that relies on me including a chef de Patisserie who likes to randomly disappear on me meaning most days I’m the last one out and too many days I’m up at 4 in the morning doing prep work” you rambled nearly too fast for his brain to keep up, your eyes growing red as your blinks got quicker but never once did you allow yourself to faulter, taking a deep breath to steady yourself before you looked back up at him “so yeah I saw a guy sitting alone on a rooftop and thought maybe I shouldn’t be alone and after watching you for a few seconds, seeing the weight on your shoulders, thought maybe he shouldn’t be alone either”

And he deserved you yelling at him for what he said, hell he deserved a lot more anger from you, but for now he let it be, let your words fill the air around him for a second before he spoke “I didn’t know-“

And he didn’t need to finish he thought, you knew where he was going with it, answering with a small shrug “I’ve gotten good at hiding it, better than you at least”

He snorted at that, the corners of his lips tilting up at the edges just slightly for the first time that night “you’ll have to teach me how to do that sometime”

Seeing his small attempt at a smile had you relaxing slightly, your posture slumping just a tad at the sight of it, the corner of yours raising as well “not a chance, I like knowing when I can be there for you”

For once Robby decided to let himself feel comfort in that thought, allow himself to be looked after for a change, just a little bit “I want to know that about you too, to be that person for you”

And he watched your smile turn almost sad in real time, your eyes casting back out to the city “I see the way you shoulder everyone’s responsibility Robby” he furrowed his brow slightly at the change, eyes never straying from you even as yours avoided him “for your patients obviously, but also for your coworkers, for your friends. It’s this massive weight you can almost see that you’re constantly threatened to be crushed under” and finally you cut your eyes back to meet him, any playfulness from the past few comments long gone “I’m terrified of becoming just another responsibility for you to shoulder”

“What if I want the responsibility?”

You snorted at the question but again it was wrong, it was sad, hollow “you’re a good man Michael Robinavitch. I don’t think you’ve ever taken on someone’s responsibility unwillingly”

And at first he didn’t know what to say to that, because to an extent you weren’t wrong. He knows that he invested to much of himself into his work, gave too much of himself away, took too much on. But he could never bring himself to regret it, to do less, to be less. It just wasn’t who he was. “You know I’ve never considered you a burden I needed to carry”

You sent him a raised brow, a silent feeling of disbelief “Even when you have to take a day off from work to take me to the DMV?”

He chuckled at that, chin dipping down to his chest “especially then” He took a moment to study you, to watch your reaction as he said it, to watch the way his answer seemed to bounce off of you rather than wash over you “I mean it when I say I like spending time with you. There are few places I would rather be at eight in the morning than the dmv if you’re there”

He felt his chest warm as he watched your smile grow at his words, watched the way you tried to hide it by looking away, watched the heat creep up into your face as you bit down on your lip, every part of you trying desperately to school your expression and failing miserably. It was cute.

“You know usually I tell myself that sometimes I have good days and sometimes I have bad days and that’s just the way it is” you were looking back up at him again, lips pulled up into a soft smile “I’ve had a lot less bad days since I met you”

And god did that make him feel proud, making him feel deserving to even be talking to you, make him feel at a total loss for words on how to respond because what does one say when someone like you says something like that to him.

And as usual you had an answer when he didn’t. Taking a seat at the edge, dangling your feet over the side, and patting the ground beside you, beckoning him into the position he’s shared with you from your apartment building many times before. “So here’s what we’re going to do”

He relented almost eagerly, taking a seat next to you, sitting close enough your shoulders brushed against one another, happy to see that you didn’t seem to mind “we’ve got three options” he nodded at that, more than happy to go along with anything you said at this point “you can talk about your day, I can talk about mine, or we can just sit in silence for a bit”

He knew his answer before you had even finished talking.

“Tell me about your day”

You smiled softly at that, looking up at him through your lashes, bumping your shoulder lightly against his before looking back out in front of you “Well it started with me remaking the coffee I gave you three times”

A surprised laugh snuck out of him at that “what?”

“Well not yours and Dana’s that one was fine, the decaf for Jack though? It kept coming out either too bitter or too acidic I nearly drove myself insane trying to get it right this morning”

“Abbot would snort ground up caffeine pills if we let him” Robby chuckled again, shaking his head as he spoke “you could’ve given him instant coffee dissolved in lukewarm water and he would’ve happily drunk it”

“It’s my first time making him coffee” you defended yourself with your own laugh “ I have to make a good impression”

He laughed louder at that, more and more weight almost imperceptibly falling off his shoulders with each passing moment “I don’t think-“

“Anyways” you cut him off pointedly, giving him a glare that lacked any heat from the corner of his eye as you continued “after that I went to the restaurant and worked for a bit on some new recipes, we have a critic who’s expected to come in sometime this week I want to have something new to give them”

“You ever figure out that duck dish” he asked genuinely curious, eagerly watching the grin grow on your face in response.

“Oh my god Robby we pulled out some blood oranges and made a pan sauce with the juice” and god did he love watching the passion on your face as you spoke, the excitement in your voice as you described the dish to him using words he didn’t recognize, your voice getting louder and faster as you went, your hand shooting out to squeeze his bicep as you did so something he wasn’t even sure you had noticed you were doing, too caught up in your own excitement.

He loved watching you get caught up in talking about your food, loved the passion of it, the ambition, the excitement. So much so that the words slipped out of him before he even became aware of the thought entering his head. “have dinner with me”

He could physically see your train of thought come to a screeching halt at the question, could see the way your entire body froze as you processed it “what?”

And a big part of him thought about walking it back, pretending he had said different words, that he didn’t mean to attach the exact meaning he meant to them. A bigger part of him, however, was more than ready to double down “have dinner with me”

You furrowed your brow at him, struggling to put together exactly what was happening, struggling to figure out where this was all coming from. He couldn’t help it as his mouth ticked up on one side in amusement. “Yeah I mean we can get dinner, it’s probably a little late to pick up anything but I can make us something quick”

He was fully grinning now “no, tomorrow. At a restaurant. I’ll even let you pick it”

Your expression still hadn’t changed, one brow raised high “you want to get dinner, tomorrow, at a restaurant?”

He nodded “And I want to dress up a little for it. And pick you up at your door and tell you how beautiful you look. And I want to make awkward small talk on the way there. And pay for it before I escort you back home and beg you to let me do it all again”

At that you paused, eyes bouncing back and forth between his own as you desperately tried to read him, silently assessing before seeming to come to a conclusion “you want to take me on a date?”

“Several if you’ll let me”

And even if he felt like he knew you well enough to read your expression Robby felt like he couldn’t properly breathe until you responded, until he had your actual answer out in the air between the two of you.

And maybe you could read that in him too for you had no problem drawing it out, letting the statement grow stale on his tongue before you spoke “promise the small talk will be awkward?”

A relieved chuckle expelled from him at the question, Robby taking his first proper breath since he had first asked before responding “I’ll even start by noting what good weather we’ve been having lately”

You grinned at that, biting your lip as you scootched impossibly closer to him “well it has been uncharacteristically warm as of late”

“save it for tomorrow. At this rate we’ll run out of things to say”

“Ahh well we can’t have that” you relented, hooking your arm through his and setting your head on his shoulder as the two of you looked out on the city.

“Limoncello” You spoke out after a brief silence, your voice soft “I think we should do Limoncello tomorrow”

He couldn’t have bit down on his grin if he had tried, leaning down before he could stop himself and placing a soft kiss on the crown of your head “I think I can make that happen”

You hummed happily at that, giving his arm a small squeeze in response.

“But only if we do Alta Via as the second one”

He could feel you laugh from his shoulder in response, your entire body shaking softly with it “Already planning the second one, someone’s awfully confident “

“I like to think I’ve earned the right to be by this point” he shrugged, still reveling in the ring of your laughter.

“Fine but I’m cooking for the third”

His grin grew so wide he could feel his cheeks hurt with it, unable to do little more than whisper his next word

“deal”

[arcane-vagabond]

No Rest for the Wicked: Prologue

“There’s no rest for me in this world. Perhaps the next.” - Tommy Shelby, Peaky Blinders.

Pairing: Dr. Jack Abbot x Reader

Summary: You tried to steer clear of the north side of the city—something ingrained in you by your late mother. Nothing good ever happened there. Your younger brother, however, seemed hell bent on finding his place amongst the Doctors—a no good group of men that ruled most of the eastern seaboard with an iron fist. It just so happens that you're put in the path of one of the handsome leaders on one fateful day, but is he willing to let you go? Or are you his for the taking? (1930s!Mafia!AU)

Word Count: 1,475

Content Warning: Mentions of war, Prohibition, Crime, Speakeasies, Alcohol, Alcoholism, Depression, Suicide Ideation, Blood, Amputation, Robby being Robby, Jack being Jack. I think that pretty much covers it, but please let me know if I missed anything!

Main Masterlist || Jack Abbot Masterlist || Series Masterlist

Jack hadn’t always been a criminal. In fact, he loathed the very word. Sixteen years ago, prohibition passed through Congress, ratified two years later. The taps ran dry at the various clubs, but the opportunities were plentiful for those looking to cash in on the opportunities.

Times were tough even then, the country having just won a war to end all wars, and Jack had been on the front lines, tending to the wounded until he had needed one himself. The searing pain was still fresh in his mind fifteen years later—the scarlet color of his own blood that soaked into the earth beneath him as he reached for the limb that was no longer there. He had prayed for a bottle to sink into, the alcohol to burn down his throat and help him forget all that he had now lost. Then his country had taken that escape from him and he was at the mercy of his own thoughts—the days dragging on as he watched the world move without him.

It had been Robby that had gotten him the prosthetic, and to this day he didn’t know how he managed it. His best friend had appeared at his small apartment one day, the contraption in hand and a beaming grin on his face as he leaned against the doorjamb.

“What do you want?” Jack had asked, eyeing the other man suspiciously. Robby shrugged his shoulders with a mischievous smirk before pushing off from the doorway.

“Thought I’d come by and pay you a visit,” he hummed, pushing his way in. Jack snorted, shutting the door behind him and watched as Robby plopped down in one of the armchairs, dust shooting into the air around him.

“Don’t bullshit me, Robinavitch” Jack warned, though there was no real heat to it. He stumbled slightly as he worked his way into the other armchair, grunting as he finally found purchase. “You know I don’t like a bullshitter, and it’s hard to hide that thing.”

He gestured to the prosthetic, finally addressing the elephant in the room. Robby lifted the prosthetic with faux shock.

“What, this old thing?” he smirked. “Just found it lyin’ around. Don’t suppose you’d want to take it off my hands.”

“Where’d you get it?” Jack asked, eyeing it warily.

“Not important.”

“You steal it?”

“Do you want the damn thing or not?”

Jack sighed, leaning back in the chair as he gripped the arms tightly. He eyed Robby for another moment before wordlessly reaching out. His best friend grinned and handed it over, watching as the other strapped it on. It took him a moment to figure out how it worked, but he finally managed to strap it on.

“How’s it feel?” Robby asked, watching with a steady gaze. Jack shot him a look, not answering as he settled back in his chair.

“Why else are you here?”

“A thank you is customary, I think,” Robby teased, smile fading as Jack continued to stare at him. He sniffed, leaning back in his own chair before casting a look at the stern man.

“Got a proposition if you’re interested,” he continued. “Old pal of mine is out in the sticks making up his own giggle water and needs a place to dump it. Just so happens, I’ve got a place on the north side of town that would be perfect to open up a drum.”

“A speakeasy?” Jack hummed, a brow arching in intrigue. “You sure that’s a good idea?”

“I think it’s a perfect idea,” Robby countered, an easy grin on his face. “The connections we got? It’ll be perfect. We’ll spruce up the place, of course—make it nice and pretty for the dames, and there’ll be plenty of entertainment for the fellas. What do you say?”

Jack mulled over his best friend’s words, chewing on the inside of his cheek before letting out a sigh.

“I dunno,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m tired, Robby.”

“Jack, listen to me,” Robby urged, leaning forward to look the wary man in the eyes. “Aren’t you tired of being tired? Don’t you want to feel alive again? This is how you can do it, pal. You and me—owners of the hottest place in town. We’ll make a killing, and you’ll be king of the castle.”

Jack shot him a look, and Robby chuckled.

“With me, of course.”

Jack sighed once more, a grimace playing on his lips as he considered the other man. It was a tempting proposal—to feel alive again. He almost forgot what it felt like. He often found himself on the roof of his building, pondering the pedestrians below, wondering how quickly he would go. And then the sun would rise, the warmth curling around him just as it did every day, and he would begrudgingly make his way back down the stairs and into his apartment.

“Alright,” he nodded. “What do you want from me?

It wasn’t long before the pair opened up their secret club, their reputations growing bigger as their appetites for the finer things grew as well. The pair ran a tight ship, bringing younger men into their fold as the years went on and the need for more enforcement grew. Their group earned the moniker “the Doctors,” which had originally started when one of the younger men overheard Robby teasingly refer to Jack as “Doc.” Jack had scowled, of course, but let the name slide, and before he was even aware, the name had expanded, and the younger members boasted about being one of the “city doctors.”

“It’s a stupid name,” Jack had grumbled one evening as Robby sat in one of the chairs opposite the great oak desk. Over a decade had passed now, and both men’s hair were more grey than anything. The lines on their face spoke to the many years of hard earned respect in their city, the brutality by which they gained it. They traded a speakeasy for an actual club—The Pitt they decided to call it. Robby said it was a nod to it being the very heart of the city, the pit of the fruit. Jack had snorted and said it was the pit of hell.

“I didn’t say it wasn’t,” Robby smirked, leaning back in the leather armchair. “But it commands respect, apparently, and the boys use it with pride.”

“It’s still stupid.”

Robby sighed, the smirk slipping from his lips as he watched Jack. “How long you been working on those books?”

“Long enough,” was Jack’s curt reply.

“You should go home,” Robby told him, scratching at the beard forming on his chin. “Go find a girl downstairs to go with you. You’re too tense, and it looks like you could use the rest.”

“Not interested.”

“Come on,” Robby goaded. “Maybe you’ll find a nice girl and settle down finally.”

“What part of ‘not interested’ is not clicking for you?” Jack griped, shooting a half-hearted glare at the other man.

“The part where you said ‘not interested,’” snickered Robby. Jack set his pen down, fixing his full attention on him.

“If I take a girl home with me, will you shut up and leave me alone?” he asked. Robby grinned, shaking his head.

“Probably not.”

Jack rolled his eyes, leaning back in his chair as he assessed the other man. “Why don’t you go downstairs and find yourself a girl, hm? Leave me in peace.”

“I would if I were interested in any of them,” Robby replied with a shrug.

“You’ve been interested in a few before,” Jack pointed out, earning a snort.

“Yeah, and none of them have panned out, have they?”

“So what makes you think I’ll find anything worthwhile down there?” Jack countered. Robby arched a brow at him.

“I think you’d be surprised what’s out there if you’d let yourself look,” Robby threw back, standing with a grunt. Jack watched him silently, thoughts hidden behind his usual stony exterior. Robby sighed, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Just,” he paused, thinking over his words before shaking his head and heading for the door. “Just think on it, alright?”

Jack didn’t say anything in return, only moving once the door closed with a click. He tilted his head back to lean against the back of the chair with a sigh. He wasn’t interested in settling down—not when he had an empire to run. He ruled the eastern seaboard with an iron fist, and it would stay that way until his last breath. He wasn’t concerned about the frivolity of dating. No, if he did settle down, he needed someone by his side who understood what they were getting into. Someone who could balance him out in the right ways while still commanding the same respect that he did.

And he was certain that person didn’t even exist.

A/N: Typed this up to feel something again. Idk, are we back? Let's see if the Pitt fandom really is better than the TGM fandom lol

As always, reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated. I no longer do taglists, so if you would like to be notified on when I post, please follow my sideblog ( @arcanevagabond-library ) and turn on post notifications! You can find me and my works on AO3 under the username arcane_vagabond. Until next time!

[extinct-fish]

The Fog's Fangs Drabble

AKA Izanagi and Jiraiya being a married couple. [bolded text with brackets means that the original japanese characters were translated simply for convenience.]

“It’s strange how people seem to vanish in the fog and then just show up dead,” Jiraiya commented whilst hopping between Izanagi’s shoulders in a toad form.

“[Jiraiya, I swear to Nyx- Get off my shoulders!]!” Izanagi hissed, struggling to get the toad ninja off him.

“[I. Re-Fuse]!” 

“[GET OFF MY SHOULDERS YOU ANNOYING LITTLE FROG SHIT!]!”

“[Nope!]!” Jiraiya teased playfully.

Izanagi tried to first brush Jiraiya off his shoulder, but the toad hopped over his hand. He then tried to flick the toad off, which bore the same result. This turned into a game of keep-away between Izanagi and Jiraiya, which was pissing off Izanagi.

“I swear, those two love to annoy each other, huh, Yu?” Yosuke chuckled.

“It’s kinda funny,” Yu simply shrugged with a grin.

“Yu, get this toad man off me or I will skewer him like a goddamned kebab!” Izanagi hissed.

“Alright, you dumbasses, stop pissing each other off,” Yu said as he picked up Jiraiya.

“But Naru-chaaaaaaaan! Annoying ‘Nagi is fuuuuuun!” Jiraiya playfully pouted.

Yu placed Jiraiya in a chair, then returned to his own seat. Jiraiya then turned back into a mortal human form, pouting with a silly grin on his face. 

“Now what was that about the murders?”

“Oh- yeah, about those, the police still don’t know the cause of death,” Jiraiya shrugged, “so it’s kind of a murder mystery.”

“[ I see. But why would they do this?]?” Izanagi mused to himself.

“Well, you got me,” Tomoe shrugged, “By all accounts, the way they died doesn’t make sense.”

“You’re right, wouldn’t people hear when someone’s being moved on the roof?” Chie asked.

“Not to mention that there’s nothing that the cops can see at first glance.”

“That’s kinda messed up,” Yosuke commented, “Then again, it’s messed up to kill someone in the first place.”

“Well, depressing stuff aside,” Chie changed the topic, “You ever hear of the Midnight Reflection?”

The mention of something that’s possibly some kind of urban legend piqued the interest of Tomoe, Jiraiya, Yosuke, Yu, and Izanagi.

“Here’s how it goes: you’re supposed to look into a mirror that’s facing the windows alone, exactly at midnight on a rainy night.”

“Oh I’ve heard about this too!-” Tomoe geeked, “While you’re staring at your reflection, another person will appear next to you. And they say that person’s your soulmate!”

“And here I thought you were going to say something useful,” Yosuke sighed.

“Sato-chan, Tomoe, do you really think that you’d see a soulmate in a goddamned mirror at fucking midnight?” Jiraiya mocked.

“[There are more subtle ways to show your skepticism, you moron.],” Izanagi scolded.

“[Shut up, you were gonna try it out, weren’t ya?]?”

“Can you two stop bickering for one goddamn second?!” Chie hissed.

“I’m just about to throw hands,” Tomoe huffed.

“I don’t think we should discredit an urban legend,” Yu shrugged, “and besides, everyone would be asleep if you do try it.”

“Yeah, but I’m not up for getting attacked by demons, you feel me?” Yosuke disagreed.

“Coward.”

“C’mon!”

“Where’d you even hear about this?” Jiraiya asked.

“Well-” Chie was about to mention when she saw something.

A girl came into view alongside her maiden. Yep, that’s Yukiko and Kohana Sakuya. She seemed to be a bit flustered, but at the same time, quite nervous.

“I’m sorry for the wait, there was a fuss at the inn,” Yukiko apologized.

“What happened?” Yosuke asked.

“Well, we just gave a room to a man and his husband, and he said he was looking for his brother.”

“What?”

“Can you describe him?” Yu asked.

“Uhh, the man who checked in had blue hair and piercing eyes, but his husband had black hair and very blue eyes. The husband did have coffin earrings and a yellow scarf.”

“Are you allowed to disclose their names?” Izanagi asked.

“Umm, Makoto and Ryoji Mochizuki, if I remember correctly.”

While the mortals of the group didn’t seem to know the name, it was clear the spirits absolutely knew who was at the inn.

“You’re housing THE FUCKING KING OF IWATODAI!?” Tomoe and Jiraiya shouted.

“What?!” Yukiko gasped.

“More importantly, Makoto married the GOD OF DEATH?!” Izanagi realized.

“Okay, this is getting out of hand-” Yu tried to divert the conversation back to the original topic, “Going back to the urban legend, who told you that, Chie?”

“I did,” Yukiko confessed, “but it was after I looked into my mirror one night.”

“What happened?”

“I saw a boy that was quite tall and statue-like. It wasn’t clear, but I could have sworn I saw blonde hair and he had the same hairstyle as Makoto.”

The group fell silent, pondering a moment.

Suddenly, a couple of voices could be heard nearby.

“OOh- Mako, look at this!” one voice gushed.

“I see that: matching necklaces. We’ve already got the matching gloves though,” another voice chuckled.

“Yeah, but these are necklaces! Plus, they can be a little souvenir from Inaba!”

“Of course you look to the bright side- but don’t forget why we’re here.”

“I know, but stressing constantly is bad for you.”

“Isn’t that-?” Yukiko recognized.

 “Oh- it’s Amagi-chan,” Makoto noticed.

 Oh yeah, a description would be nice, right? 

Makoto was wearing a uniform-like outfit, with a black blazer, white dress shirt, black dress pants, and dress shoes. However, one of the newer additions was the red shoulder guard with an emblem in black, and the black gloves from his wedding day. You can’t really see it, but under his dress shirt, he has his wedding ring around his neck on a silver chain. Pinned on his blazer was the theta pin from his coronation, a gift held dearly to his heart.

As for Ryoji, he was wearing a white dress shirt, the sleeves stopping just halfway up his forearm and black cuffs accenting it, suspenders clipped to his black dress pants, the yellow scarf with black edges he’s never seen without, and the black gloves from his wedding day. However, visibly on his left hand was the wedding ring, and hanging off his earrings were the coffin earrings Nyx had commissioned Haephestus for, Thanatos engraved on the coffins with care. His ears were slightly more pointed than a couple of years ago, taking on his mother’s appearance a little.

Makoto and Ryoji walked over to the group, the spirits immediately turning their heads away and shielding their faces from recognition in fear of Ryoji.

“Found the spirits,” Ryoji joked.

Makoto moved his tuft and opened his red eye, seeing the true forms of Izanagi, Tomoe, Sakuya, and Jiraiya. He chuckled as he realized that Ryoji was right.

“What’s up with you, Jiraiya?” Yosuke asked, “You’re acting like you don’t wanna be recognized.”

“That’s Thanatos, you dumbass! God of fucking DEATH!”

“Whaaaaat?- No way!”

“I’m Ryoji Mochizuki, and this is my husband, Makoto,” Ryoji introduced.

“Husband?” Chie asked.

“We’re newlyweds, we just got married a few days ago,” Makoto answered.

“Ryoji my ass! You’re Thanatos!” Tomoe huffed.

“Oh stop it, both of you!” Yukiko scolded, “You’re being rude!”

“We just don’t feel like dying, you feel us?” Izanagi protested.

“Cowards,” Makoto chuckled.

“Mind giving me your names?” Ryoji requested.

“What are you, the fae?” Yu joked.

“If your name is interesting enough.”

“I’m Yu Narukami, nice to meet you.”

“Narukami? As in the prince of Inaba?”

“Yeah, though I’m just living with my uncle until my dad gets back.”

“Oh.”

“Yu, you never told me you were a prince!” Chie protested.

“I don’t really like to be a prince, I like the simpler side of things,” Yu shrugged.

The rest of the group introduced themselves, including the reluctant spirits. The group made some fun conversation, exchanging stories and at some point, one of the people there pointed out Ryoji’s shadow. 

“Oh, yeah, my shadow’s still broken,” he joked.

“Babe, we’ve been over this: lighting can’t be tricked by disguises,” Makoto chuckled.

“Shush.”

“Disguises?” Yukiko asked.

“Oh- yeah, look at the shadows of your spirits.”

“I knew that they showed the real form, but wow,” Yu commented, “that’s a lot of coffins on yours.”

“Well, I am death, so of course.”

“Hold on, can you show us?”

“Sure, but you’re gonna freak out.”

Ryoji then shed his human form, becoming Thanatos. I am not doing a description of the motherfucker, not again. All you need to know is that Makoto is up to his mid-thigh in that form. The others all looked at Thanatos in shock and abject horror, well, except for Makoto, who folded his arms with a smirk.

“You married this?!” Chie gasped.

“One word:” Makoto then pointed at Thanatos with a mischievous grin, “Smash.”

The sentence, though short, was just enough to get Thanatos to laugh. He hugged Makoto endearingly as if to say ‘you’re an idiot and I love you for that’ without words. The other spirits were still on-guard, but eased a little more after seeing the domestic side of Thanatos.

“So… death’s really peaceful,” Jiraiya, “that’s a relief, I don’t want to be killed.”

“If you hurt Makoto, dying will be a mere mercy compared to what I’ll do,” Thanatos cheerfully threatened.

“You sound like your mother,” Makoto snickered.

“Shut up- I don’t!”

“Yes you do.”

“C’mon! I don’t!”

“Whatever you say, mama’s boy.”

“You’re an ass.”

“And you were the one to propose,” he shrugged.

“Φυκκ υου,” Thanatos huffed.

“Λουε υου τοο.”

“You know greek?” Sakuya asked.

“A little, being with him for a couple of years does that to you.”

“Only because Mom taught you,” Thanatos chuckled, shifting back to Ryoji.

“Yeah, yeah, shush, metal jaw.”

“Okay, emo.”

“We’ve been over this, I’m not emo.”

“Okay, black cat.”

“You’ve been learning how to insult from Koto, haven’t ya?”

“Naw, I came up with it myself,” Ryoji replied with sarcasm.

“Liar.”

“Hard to hit you with sarcasm.”

“Since I’m the one who taught you that in the first place.”

“Enough with the bickering,-” Yu sighed, “Can we get back to those rumors?”

“Oh- sorry.”

“OOOH- MAko! Look at the food!” Ryoji dragged Makoto away from the group, leaving them to the rumors. 

“WHOA- RYOJI!” Makoto protested.

The group watched as Makoto struggled to keep up with Ryoji’s excited run, essentially being dragged away. The group looked at each other as the spirits all breathed a sigh of relief.

“As much as he’s energetic and pleasant, by Nyx is he terrifying to even be in the presence of!” Konohana Sakuya complained.

“You think?! It’s not every day you look literal death in the face and have a conversation with him!” Tomoe agreed.

“So, the rumors,” Yu mentioned, “you said that it has to be at night while it’s raining?”

“Yep, that was how I saw the boy the other night,” Yukiko confirmed, “although, it was a little fuzzy.”

“But you could still tell it was a guy, right?” Yosuke asked.

“Yes. The face was slightly clearer, but overall, it was fuzzy.”

“Hmm…” Yu pondered.”

“[Are you planning on testing it?]?” Izanagi asked.

“Well, it won’t hurt. The sky looks like it’ll rain later, so maybe tonight is a good night.”

"[Let me know how it goes.].” 

“[Just tell me it’s bullshit, stop trying to whitewash it (Supposed to say stop sugarcoating it)]” Jiraiya huffed, “Seriously- you don’t need to act like you genuinely believe it!”

“I will make you step on your own stars, Jiraiya.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Try me.”

“Jeez, you two are being such dumbasses!” Tomoe scolded, “How’re you two friends?!” 

“You two act like a married couple,” Yu bluntly stated.

Jiraiya and Izanagi stopped arguing at the comparison, their faces reddening due to the embarrassment.

“[ WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?!]?!” Izanagi hissed.

“What the fuck, man?!” Jiraiya shouted.

“You two don’t ever stop arguing, just like an old married couple.”

“Sheesh. You two really love to argue,” Yosuke agreed.

“[Because this idiot won’t stop being an idiot.],” Izanagi grumbled.

“I’m the idiot?! You’re the one who’s letting Yu try out this bullshit!”

“[Have you forgotten about trial and error or have other people tricked you?]?”

“Don’t give me that attitude, Nagi!”

“Yep. they are definitely a married couple,” Yosuke sighed.

“Tell me about it.”

“STOP WITH THE MARRIED COUPLE BULLSHIT! That’s gay!”

Izanagi slapped his fist atop Jiraiya’s head.

“OWWW- what was that for?!” Jiraiya complained.

“Closeted asshole.”

“I will stick magnets to your helmet, see how fun that is, you metal-masked asshat.”

“OH my Nyx- get a room, you two!” Tomoe huffed.”

“For the love of-” Yu huffed, “I’m going home and I’m gonna help Dojima-san with Nanako.”

Yu got up and started heading home.

“[ Hey- Yu, wait up!]!” Izanagi called, rushing after Yu.

[shirohige-pirates]

Birds of a Feather

CisFem Reader x Marco

CW: Violence, blood, language, adult themes and scenes. 18+ only

Summary: Life has not been kind to you. After a string of bad relationships, you're a little jaded and a little depressed in all honestly. The worst day of your life seems to be the turning point, but the roller coaster ride that follows could either throw you soaring free, or have you caged forever?

Tag List: @clumsyraccoon

Chapter 23: Talk it Out

“So, when’s the party going to start?”

“Five. My brothers prefer to party into the night, instead of starting in the afternoon like normal people.”

“Are you going to work beforehand?”

“Mm, probably, yoi.”

“Are you going to work on your actual birthday?

“… I’m suddenly afraid to say yes to that.”

“Even I take my birthday off work.”

“I don’t sleep overnight at the clinic.”

“…Touché.”

“Don’t worry, the staff won’t let me overwork that day, yoi.”

“Mm, this food’s almost as good as Sanji’s.”

“Yeah, Zeff doesn’t slouch, the recipes are solid even when he’s not actively preparing them, yoi. We should try and catch the Baratie when it’s nearby.”

“It doesn’t dock though.”

“Afraid of sailing?”

“Not… implicitly.”

“I’m sure we can ask Sanji to have Zeff come really close, yoi. Couple hours out at most.”

“I feel like I’m abusing my friendships doing that.”

“I bet Sanji won’t see it that way.”

“Humph, no, he wouldn’t.”

“… You have any questions? About earlier, yoi.”

“Yes, and no. He called you an old friend, do you see him that way too?”

“There’s no bad blood there. But we have different definitions of friend.”

“It’s just… This is going to sound weird no matter how I word it, but I don’t want to be nice to him if he hurt you, is all.”

“… Oh.”

“When you blush a little it’s hot, but I’ve never seen you so red…. You’re getting redder.”

“You’re killing me, yoi.”

“I… find I can’t honestly apologize.”

“Yeah, yeah. Ahem. Things just didn’t work out. I don’t think it was anyone’s fault, yoi. Shanks is… a lot, but he’s not a bad guy. He’s probably genuinely happy about all this.”

“About… us?”

“… Yeah.”

“…”

“…”

“It’s hard to talk about, and it shouldn’t be.”

“You’re not wrong, pretty bird.”

“Because it’s happening so fast, but who says you have to wait X days before you can do something, or say something, or whatever. I… I wanted to… I want to invite you to stay over.”

“I thought I was staying tonight?”

“No, yes, I mean, yes, but I meant like… bringing over a toothbrush, and… and work clothes, and you know, staying over.”

“That’s -.”

“Too soon, yeah, but I mean, it’s been on my mind and, I just needed to say it.”

“Pretty bird-.”

“If we could carpool at least, I just want to… um… see you more… Even if you can’t stay over, because maybe there’s reasons for you to go home to your brothers, and I don’t want you to think that you have to decide between them or me or anything like that. I understand if it’s too fast or too soon I won’t be upset, and -.”

“Mi cielo.”

“… Yes? That’s… that’s me, yes?”

“Yes, and I want to… stay over as well. I’ll bring over what I need, and… we’ll go from there.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s not… I mean, it is kind of fast, but, it’s not too much?”

“It’s not too much, yoi.”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“You were quiet the rest of the ride back, what’s on your mind?”

“I… didn’t let Kid into my house for months. Not for coffee, not for… anything. Everyone else I dated was either just visiting, or… yeah. I just… I’d say I don’t know what to do with this, but I do, it’s just-.”

“Scary?”

“… Vulnerable.” You admit, sitting cross-legged on the couch.

“Same thing sometimes,” he says, sitting beside you and pulling your legs across his. Warm hands start to massage your calves and you can feel your bones melting already. “You don’t have to say it right now. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Where’d you learn to do this?” Your words are slurring a little as Marco’s fingers push and rub the muscles in your legs.

“When my family sailed a lot.” He explains, continuing his work. “Vitamin deficiency could happen even with the best planning, and you mix in strenuous work in the hot sun and all those factors lead up to muscle cramps. Especially in legs.”

“Family trait then?” You murmur.

“Little bit. I was, effectively, the ship’s doctor. I’d been apprenticing since I was a kid, and at ten I started learning medicine and techniques like this.”

“Then you became a vet-trim… veteran… puppy doctor?” You’re pretty sure your leg muscles are connected to your brain with the way he’s turning your entire being into mush.

“Glad to see I haven’t lost my touch, yoi.” He muses. “But yes, when we settled here, my generalized medical knowledge translated into Veterinary care easier. I bought the practice for someone getting ready to retire, and here I am.”

“Here you are.” You smile, flexing your toes and legs before moving them aside and slowly sitting up. Marco reaches out and helps you, teasing you about your melted bones even as you move - and he moves you - onto his lap.

A leg on either side of him, sitting on his thighs, eyes moving up his stomach to his chest. He’d spent most of the day in a t-shirt, having worn a heavy jacket when you’d gone out. His hands are loosely set on your hips, but he’s not moving as he watches you look at him.

“Here we are.” You say after a long moment, eyes shifting to his. You can see his eyes shifting a little, searching yours, trying to see what was behind the irises that he seemed to take every chance to lose himself in. Searching, but also waiting, wanting you to say what you wanted, when you wanted.

“I’ve… never felt toward someone what I feel toward you.” You admit, pressing your lips together and looking away a little. Despite your desire to continue, you still found yourself painfully shy on the matter. “I’ve felt connections with people, but not like this.”

“Never scary like this before.” He agrees.

“Yeah, never quite so strong.”

“Steals the breath from you before you can even breathe.”

Your lips are a whisper away from his. Your next words are quiet. Painfully quiet, but you know he’ll hear you - there’s nothing else but you and him.

“I have a devil fruit.”

“I know.”

“What if this is because of that?”

“It’s one and the same.”

“We’re… just vessels bringing them together?”

“Thousands of islands, miles of ocean, six seas, and here we are, yoi. Years on the same scrap of land, working in the same city. They aren’t that patient.” He insists. “How did I not see you all those times in his café?”

“I kept my head down.”

“You couldn’t have kept it down far enough.”

“M-Marco, haaa-nnngh!”

“From the moment you stepped into my clinic.”

“Ah, hahah, oh gods, but everything was going wrong that day!”

“I don’t think it could’ve gone better.”

“Yooooo-ur haaaaa-ands!”

“You don’t have to say it.”

“I know.”

“I already know, yoi.”

“I know.”

“I should’ve seen you sooner.”

“There’s years ahead of us.”

“One life isn’t long enough.”

“Yesteryears don’t matter.”

“I won’t focus on the what if’s, I promise.”

“I’m here now.”

“You are.”

“We are.”

“We are, mi cielo.”

“Marco.”

“…”

“I love you.”

[dashawns-world]

Escaflowne the Movie (2000)

I’m probably dating myself immediately by choosing this movie, but it’s what came to mind after a joint last night. I recommend watching (at least) the opening scene of this film up until the title comes on at around 5:20. You can watch it here. I will spoil the movie, though, so here’s your warning. Also, this movie deals with heavy themes such as depression and nihilism. If that isn’t your thing, run awaaaay!

Where was I? Oh, right- 

So, why this movie? Well, let me paint a lil’ picture for you. (With words, I don’t wanna paint rn, sorry.) 

I was 10 or 11 when Escaflowne came on TV one night, I think. (This painting sucks, leave me alone.)  I remember it being faaairly late, and I was fiending for anything with the vibe of Dragon Ball or Cowboy Bebop. Though I didn’t know it at the time, it was anime that I wanted to watch. I felt like a cool grown-up watching them because they had violence and adults smoking. Simpler times.

Escaflowne started much slower than I would’ve liked as a kid. Now, I can appreciate the time given to showing shots of the sky and the massive airship that dwarfs a damn mountain. But as a kid, I wanted something to happen.

I got my wish when this anime boy fell from the clouds. I’m like, where’d this guy come from? I’m locked in now. Suddenly he lands on the airship, and a guard is rightfully like, “Bro, who tf-“ SLICE! The guard is dead, and my lil developing brain decides, “Yup, here’s a core memory.” What proceeds is the most intense opening of a movie I’d seen up until that point. The drums kick in, and this anime boy runs into a hull full of soldiers and sprays everybody. The animation, choreography, music, and cinematography are outstanding. Truly unmatched stuff. I won’t go into detail here because I want to break this scene down later, but yeah, the anime boy’s lone assault on this airship is incredible.

I NEVER got that opening scene out of my head. It started my obsession with anime guys and their samurai swords before Samurai Champloo, and solidified my appreciation for airships/sky battles. Maybe it’s because I recently beat “Tears of the Kingdom,” but I’ve been thinking more and more about how I like fighting in the sky. (Not irl, though.)

Now the thing is, the opening scene is ALL I ever remembered from the movie. I could recall elements of the rest of the film, like the fact that there were giant robots, but the story and characters never stuck. And that’s why I decided to rewatch this as an adult and figure out why. 

Here we go!

I won’t dissect the entire movie beat for beat. It’s tempting, but I want to discuss the story and its themes today. I’ll need to let you in on another small fact to do that. This movie is an adaptation of an anime TV series called “The Vision of Escaflowne.” I didn’t know that until last night because while watching it, I could see the story introducing many elements and dropping them just as quickly, so I googled it. At this point in my life, I’ve watched many films based on books. You can just tell after a while. What’s interesting, though, is that this adaptation took a lot of liberties with the source material. I only knew this version, so I’m judging it on its merits. 

I’m also ghetto, so here’s Wikipedia’s summary. 

“Hitomi Kanzaki is in crisis. Her life has lost its meaning, and she is plagued by unusual dreams. She is depressed and wants nothing more than to disappear. After falling out with her only friend, she is mysteriously summoned to another world, Gaea, where she finds herself inside Escaflowne, a doomsday weapon destined to come to life at the appearance of a prophesied "wing goddess". The world of Gaea is facing its own crisis: relentless conquest by the Black Dragon Clan, the rebels against which become convinced that Hitomi is the prophesied goddess who will revive Escaflowne. Never certain of her identity in Gaea, Hitomi finds her destiny as she becomes closer to the rebel leader, Lord Van, and helps to bring about the fall of his vengeful brother Lord Folken, the master of the Black Dragon Clan.”

Say thank you to Wikipedia! ...I’m sorry if this is annoying to read.

Anyway, I’ll say that’s a reasonably exciting story! Maybe not now when tons of Isekai have done it arguably better in all these years, but It’s interesting. A depressed person with the power to make or break a world? What a concept! Indeed it’s enough to make you curious. I’m gonna stop talking like this now.

Nihilism is the name of the game in this film. Each major player (Hitomi, Van, and Folken) represents different stages of it. Whereas Hitomi deals with how much modern-day living sucks, Van and Folken’s conflict involves war and their entire world. That said, Hitomi was ready to self-destruct in her introductory scene due to her depression. VERY HEAVY. After the opening scene's thrill, this was like whiplash. None of this stuck with my childish brain; I was very dumb. Thankfully, the imagery was not disturbing (otherwise, it probably would have), but the stuff she said resonates with me now. 

Ultimately, she finds she’s not alone in feeling this way, as Van is similarly alone in his world as the sole heir to his kingdom. He has only known struggle thanks to his dickhole older brother, who is coo-coo-crazy with his nihilism, and is hell-bent on taking the whole world out with him. Hitomi and Van only defeat Folken thanks to finding and understanding each other. …Except they don’t defeat him… in fact, the story and many of the themes get kinda screwy.

I’ve buried the lead, but in my opinion, this movie starts off strong and then drops the ball. I will say I liked what the story was doing. The theme, learning that you’re not alone when you’re depressed, is beautiful. Sure, one can argue that it oversimplifies a real issue, but stories can do that. I see stories as extensions of their creators. The writing is genuine here. Hitomi’s dialogue in the intro was legit and also beautifully directed. I’m definitely assuming here, but if this is how the writers chose to tell the story of someone struggling with depression, I won’t dismiss it because they didn’t match how I feel you should write about it.

The problems I had were more on the missed potential side. And letting dialogue take the place of visual storytelling. The first act had me completely engrossed. I couldn’t take my eyes off it. The troubles started to arise when they started introducing maaaaany characters. I started to lose track of them. I love ensemble casts, but in a 90-minute movie, they’re not all going to get to shine. This is only a problem for me when I actually LIKE the characters. (which I did, the freakin goobs) So if they were to… suddenly eject from the plot, I’d be sad. This is where the film, initially being a show, reared its ugly head. Van is part of a resistance group, but he’s not even the leader. I don’t know why the Wikipedia synopsis said that.

Thanks, Wikipedia.

You find this out after his and Hitomi’s introductory scenes. They throw this lovable gang of misfits at you, and they do it well. I was on board and was even starting to worry for them because I knew a dark fantasy story had the potential to kill off mains. None of them die, though. In fact, around the halfway point of the movie, they all become completely irrelevant. The actual leader? Diet-Sephiroth? He can keep UP with Van, who is, on all accounts, a killing machine. They seemed to think showing us this was important. Too bad he’s useless by the movie's midpoint, too, because he never has to show that strength again. They don’t even get a scene at the end where they tell Hitomi goodbye. Why the hell were they even there? Why did we spend any time learning about them? I’m sure they get more relevancy in the show, but this isn’t the show; it’s a movie. A movie that purposefully isn’t anything like the show, either. From what I read, this movie cut a lot of the fat from the show, but I guess this couldn’t be helped. That said, there’s a scene where a VERY detestable character gets a farewell scene. Why him and not Van’s crew? I’m very upset, lol.

So what happens when the crew is gone halfway through the movie? Well, Hitomi and Van bond. But… not in any way that’s immediately noticeable. This is my major, major issue. Too many characters tell Hitomi things about Van before we see them bond. I really wish she’d SEEN that he wasn’t such a bad guy instead of people telling her. They also tell her the whole point of the movie, which is a no-no for me. The lion dude is straight up like, “Yeah, Van wants to die.” He may as well have said, “Just like you did earlier in the movie because he’s depressed too.” I was hoping she’d learn this from her interactions with Van himself, but up until this point in the movie, they don’t interact much. This is where my tastes come in, as I want to grow attached to the main characters in a story. Hitomi and Van, despite being very profoundly written in this film, are only their sorrow, it seems. Hitomi, at least in the beginning, is less so. But Van is about as interesting as a wall in this movie. (A wall that can fight good, mind you, but fight good is not a personality trait.) 

Stories about emotionally stunted, stoic-lite dudes that need a woman to show them how to care make me cringe. I can’t help it; it’s just not my thing! “Man strong, he need woman to lie head on.” I personally think that’s weak irl, so stories like that don’t resonate with me. To each their own. I think it could’ve at least been done a bit more tastefully. But heeey, this movie is a 2000’s movie, baybee, and hindsight is, of course, 20/20. In the movie’s defense, though, Hitomi and Van don’t seem to develop feelings or intimacy beyond understanding one another, so that’s why I could keep going! One could even say the stoic dude thing wasn’t their intention! But that’s the problem when you don’t give HIM (Van) any agency, and everyone talks about him like they did. I forgot he wasn’t a machine until ⅔ into the film.

I gave it some thought, and the only reason this bothered me was that Van’s humanity was all there, but AFTER these scenes with Hitomi being told about it. Van DOES open up and IS a good guy in a bad position. There’s a scene where he sculpts a figurine for one of the crew members. I actually love how the scene was directed because you couldn’t tell he was doing it. It was a reveal. And a very good reveal, to me. I enjoyed that! If they had put that scene earlier than it was placed, that could’ve been the visual moment to know that he’s not all “kill, kill, destroy.” But it wasn’t new information where it was placed. The movie said, “Sorry, I know Van seemed a lil coo-coo-crazy initially, but we promise you he’s a protagonist.” And I’m like, “I knoooow, you told me so many times that this seems redundant now.” Okay, I’m done with my lil rant.

The intention to make Hitomi and Van two peas in a pod was great, but it felt like Hitomi didn’t think he was tight until he saved her and was told multiple times Van’s cool... After that, she becomes a “Van’s the Man fan girl.” So if you look past all that, they bond, and it’s nice. But the rest becomes kind of a slog. Characters are introduced and given nothing; Before I end this, lemme talk about Folken real quick. His motivations were weird. Basically, he hated the world? And wanted it destroyed by the apocalyptic arrival of Hitomi. The head-scratching came from the fact that he didn’t need her to fuck up the world. He was doing a pretty good job being evil and ruining everyone’s lives without her. His misinformation about their lil prophecy was his own undoing. In fact, he knew he was going to die and welcomed it. The prophecy said he’d die, but it didn’t say how it would happen. I guess he wanted it to be Hitomi, but she was like a school girl so that didn’t happen. Lol, sorry, bro. I skim over stuff all the time; these are the results. The plot was “Folken was wrong about everything.”

So, due to being wrong about everything, Folken is betrayed by one of his own soldiers and KILLED lol. If you didn’t watch, you’re probably like wow that’s underwhelming. But if you SAW how impossibly powerful they made Folken seem, this is even more of a wet slap on your cheek. His climactic battle with Van and Hitomi is underwhelming because they don’t fight. It seems like, through Hitomi’s influence, Van no longer wants to be a fighter ANYWAY. He just wants peace. But the movie definitely made it seem like they were all going to fight more. I guess I like climactic fights if you give me too powerful badasses. Theme be damned, lol. That’s not a fair critique, but it’s what I wanted. Not a single clash of a sword between Van and Folken. The ending just had me scratching my head. After the lack of character stuff, all I was looking forward to was a sick animated fight, and I didn’t get it. There are more things I could nitpick, but ultimately it was the lack of believability in Van and Hitomi’s relationship that kept this from being a classic in my eyes. I’m fairly lax about plot shit when the characters are hitting, but if I’m bored of your mains, I don’t care, yo; I’m going to sleep. So much potential, though! 

There are a few scenes I’d like to go over in detail because, despite the movie’s lack of a satisfying whole, there were some REAL TASTY parts. But I’ll do that in another post, as this one is too long now. I’d say at the end of it all, I did learn something about my own tastes. And now you did too. Thanks for reading if you got this far!

-Dashawn

[nerdyenby]

Purple time :D I’m watching Oli

The depression is simply no match for an oli mcc vod

Ain’t oli like… 29? That’s not old king *looks it up* 28!! Dude, chill /aff

This team hasn’t had a single call, iconic

Ah yes, young, spunky, and full of beans, that’s my streamer

Sniff and Oli interactions are all I’ve ever needed in life

Charles bringing Sniff drugs, as they should

Harvey is so chaotic oh my gosh

“I don’t think I’ve heard your voice before” this can only go well guys

I thought Sniff was gonna make an ace joke, but nah, they’re just self-deprecating

Sniff and Oli 😭😭😭

“Harvey, I really feel like you don’t love this family right now”

This team is not chill, Pete is chill, everyone else is on a backpack leash

Harvey is such a mess lmao

Rocket Spleef

“Meltdown doesn’t like me” “Ok well, have you tried talking to her nicely?” “… I’ll try that next time” I love them

“Now that I’m reflecting, maybe I’m the problem” Pete my beloved

The team synergy!!

“We all did great!!” “Yes, and I was also there as well” and then Sniff hyping up Oli <333

I love this team, they’re all just saying words, it’s great :D

“I’m not a fan” “I’m not a fan, I’m an entire conditioner” thank you TapL Harvey :))

Harvey sounding so genuine when he said he was proud of Sniff ended me

The absolute power of Pete’s “That was like the fastest round ever, where’d everyone go?”

Pete and Harvey’s shock(?) when Sniff gets faux-emotional over being listened to is so

Grid Runners

Sniff on its igl arc :D

They’re crushing it!!!

Even struggling they’re doing such a good job keeping morale up

They’re genuinely laughing it off so well I love them <3333

They killed uppies!!!!

Grid felt so short that time it’s not even fair

I love their energy so much, it’s everything

Battle Box

It’s not that old, the only time it was played was in mcc26 (i think, it could’ve been 25 tbh)

This map is so wild

They’re not doing amazing but I’m having a great time

The guilty silence when they found out Callum dced and then goodnaturedly boasting when they found out he died first

THAT WAS SO CLOSEEEE

Sands of Time

Sniff and Oli going back and forth offering sandkeeper to each other can be something so dear

“Don’t be wrong again, okay?” “Okay 😭”

Oh that was a bit rough

“The captains aren’t captaining right now” Sniff 😭😭😭

WHO is honk mimimi-ing in my mcc?? /lh

THATS SO SCUFFED OH MY LORD ;-; /nm

“I’m a hard working sand gatherer and the billionaires up just taking time away, I’m sick of this!!” “Well personally — as the ceo of sand — I feel like you should’ve known that and should’ve just tried harder” this team’s chemistry is so!!!!

Ace Race

I love this team so much you guys ;-;

The music is so loud oh my gosh

The amongus remix 😭😭😭

“If you wanna blame the map, you’re gonna have to go through me” so true Pete!!

“What would be the funniest ending?” Harvey asking the right questions!!

“Toad in the hole in the wall” made me legitimately cackle

Parkour Warrior

“That’s how you get a UTI and then you can get a kidney infection and then you can get sepsis and then you can die” “AHH!!” “Yeah, that could happen” “But if I get top three in parkour warrior, like, does it matter?” they’re everything to me

“Oh I hope I don’t throw” “You won’t” “Well, I might. You don’t know me, you don’t know what I could do. I could throw really easily, actually, I’ll do it right now” “I do know you” *romantic music starts playing* THEM!!

I quite enjoy that they’re just chilling in vc together

WHY ARE PETE AND HARVEY BRITISH 😭😭😭

“I love pressing space bar” “Space bar is one of my favorite bars” “That’s right, you know what else is a nice bar? M&M” ah yes, thanks harvey

Who let these iTMG stand into MCC?? /j

I’m shocked we’ve made it this far without any gay jokes, we were overdue, truly

Clown to clown communication fr /aff

Y’all I started stimming so hard when oli first tried the medium ending it’s not even funny

THEY KILLED IT!!!!

HOLY PURPLE!!!!!!

Everyone hyping Oli up :))

Hole in the Wall

Oh they thought it was still food mode 😭

Sniff needing out over the fog effect with glass while Oli makes jokes about loving men my beloved

Oli calling Sapnap an absolute cringelord before deleting his message is so real

They’re popping off!!

Oli is absolutely carrying these comms

Their comms are so polite, I love this team so much, they’re so calm in between all the chaos

OH MY GOSH THAT CLUTCH

Skybattle

“I have fourandahalfhoursofsleep” “No you don’t. I’m actually- just so you know, I’m about to gaslight you: you have eight hours of sleep” “Ah, I feel so great now!!” This team is pure crack

Sniff is MrBeast and is gonna give Harvey Twitter memberships to use as currency to buy sleep, mhm

Can’t believe oli hates women smh /j

I’m losing my mind /pos

That was an absolute blur, I have no idea what just happened

Oli is an Aimsey supporter, as he should!!!!

Dodgebolt

Oli and Harvey making so many sounds that Pete thought he was lagging 😂

Harvey cheering on Scar is everything I didn’t know I needed

Sniff clowning Harvey for only just now realizing red is fnaf my beloved

WE TALK ABOUT SEXISM IN THE COMMUNITY!! Sniff saying it and the men loudly agreeing that “it needs to be said”

I was so hyped for this team’s chaos and they did not disappoint, great times great vibes :))

[svnnyd4ys]

(some of the) eah rebel students as incorrect quotes

Cedar: Are we really going to let Raven keep Cerise? Kitty: We kept Maddie.

!!!

Maddie: Awww, why don't you like cats, Raven? They're just snuggly buddies! They have toe beans! They make a little blep! What's not to love?? Raven: I don't know Maddie, I just prefer to be conscious instead of dead on the floor. Maddie: Raven: I'm ALLERGIC.

!!! Kitty: Isn’t it weird that we can’t ride any other animal except horses. Like if horses weren’t a thing, humans would be fucked cause we couldn’t ride any other animals. Like riding animals wouldn’t really be a thing. We should probably be more grateful to horses. Maddie: Elephants. Kitty: Blocked. Cerise: Camels. Kitty: Extra blocked. Cedar: Donkeys. Kitty: Ultra blocked. Raven: That dick. Kitty: ...Followed.

!!!

Raven, looking at a dead phone: How do we bring this thing back to life? Magic? Live sacrifice? I know a guy in town-

!!!

Maddie: *gets a text* Oh! It’s Kitty. Cerise, excitedly: Did they get me the stuff? Maddie: Yeah, they say they got you the clown costume, the power drill, and 12 gallons of blood. Cerise: Wow! Where’d they find 12 gallons of fake blood? Maddie: You wanted fake blood? Cerise: Maddie: I’ll go call Kitty.

!!!

Headmaster Grimm: Raven, I’ve left a letter telling your mother not to worry— Raven: She won’t. Headmaster Grimm: that you’re safe— Raven: That’ll just depress her. Headmaster Grimm: —and you’ll see her in a few weeks. Raven: Do I have to?

!!!

Kitty: Guys, there’s a monster under my bed and it’s really ugly. Cerise, on the bottom bunk: Honestly, fuck you.

!!!

Maddie: How would you like your tea? Cedar: As dark as my soul. Maddie: Got it, one cup of milk coming right up!

!!!

*at 3am* Kitty: *runs into Cerise’s room and turns on the light* Wake up sleepyhead! Cerise: *wakes up* Dude! Kitty: *cackles* Raven: *sits up from where they were sleeping behind Cerise* What the fuck, Kitty? Kitty: *jaw drops* Wait WHAT-

!!!

Maddie: YOU CHEATED! Cerise: So did my dad, but hey, my mom knew it all and even sorted out their wedding, so what’s the problem? Cedar: I… can confirm that that actually happened. Maddie: …What.

!!!

Kitty: Hey, Cerise, have you thought about having children? Cerise: ... Cerise: Does looking over you and the others not seem like I already do? Because I promise you, it sure feels like it. Kitty: But we're not childr- Cerise, already distracted: MADDIE, PUT THE FIRE DOWN!

!!!

Cerise: Maddie just said "I have an appetite for destruction" and then they reached down and untied my shoe.

!!!

Cedar: You ever see something that changes your life and you're just like "huh.." Raven: I saw you. Cedar: Honestly that's so cute and sweet but it kinda makes this awkward because I was gonna show you a picture of Cerise in a turkey costume.

!!!

Cedar: Did it hurt when you fell- Kitty: From heaven? Wow, I didn’t think you were such a flirt- Cedar: No, I meant when you fell down the stairs. Kitty: ... Cedar: You just laid there for 15 minutes.

!!!

Maddie: Raven, I rebuke thee! I rebuke thee! Raven: Rebuke? Is that a word? Maddie: You have all invoked my fury! You will all pay recompense for your transgressions! Raven: What, you got like a word-a-day calendar or something?

!!!

Cedar: Plants have feelings too?! What is this? Now I can't have food! Cerise: You can eat a rock. Raven: Air. Kitty: The fabric of time and space. Maddie: Chugging a bottle of bleach can solve all your problems. Cedar: You guys are not helpful.

!!!

Cedar: So anyways have y'all seen Maddie? Cerise: I think they went in Kitty's room 'studying'. Raven: Doubt that. I heard groans there. *Meanwhile in Kitty's room* Maddie & Kitty, fighting:

!!!

[twosides--samecoin]

heard it was your birthday... so here's a little doodle of my favorite Mac torture scene from Long Time Coming (festively censored) <3

SDFIGJHDFLIUGHSLDFIJKGHSDKFJDFSKGJLDJHNFB?!??!?!?!

I LOVE THIS LMAO THANK YOU SO MUCH LOL. AN HONOUR AND A PRIVILEGE, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK-

This scene was fun but also felt dangerous to write in the "should I release this" sense. I had not read anyone putting their characters through what I put RJ through and had a feeling it would not go over well. It was another in a list of reasons my fic felt to me like it wouldn't necessarily go over well with others (the amount of words and description, asking readers to imagine Fallout happening in places that aren't in-game let alone mentioned, inserting French language and bilingual conversations, starting not even with Cranky Cready but Depressed Cready because we start at Med-Tek as failure point and not anticipated story beat; hell you barely see Boston or my canon SoSu, Jack, until several chapters in) and I am happy to know it is not the case, nor did it garner much controversy at all.

Despite reservations I always set out to do things differently, trust the process and stay true to what I wanted to see in Fallout. At the end of the day I could not get the scene out of my head. It also made my story a "enemies to XYZ" story for real, it solidified a lot of nuance in my characters. Livvie in particular in doing war crimes out of, well, desperation, lack of trust in RJ's story and defence of her homeland.

Thank you thank you thank you once again @outwithfever and: a throwback to Chapter 4, Ahead By A Century - read more on AO3 here if you like!

“I don’t like doing this either,” she told him, her voice raised over his gurgling. “The next thing out of your mouth better be what the Brotherhood sent you for, you fuckin’ punk bitch-”

He raised his voice back at her. “I-I’m not fucking with them, okay? Jesus Christ, would you just listen-”

Another awful stream hit his chest and he yelped before water rushed around his face. He shook his head back and forth to avoid the water pooling in his mouth, but it didn’t help any for his nose. 

The waterfall stopped and he gasped and coughed anew. 

She allowed him to catch his breath as he took in huge, wheezing breaths, grateful for air. A minute or two passed; RJ was too scared to say much at all. 

“Where’d the tin can boys pick you up, huh?” he heard her demand as he felt his heart thump hard into his throat. “You some prairie boy they tricked into joining or some shit? How much are they paying you?” 

Unbeknownst to her, water just made him cranky. “I don’t give a shit what a prairie boy is but I bet it’s better than being a goddamn Vaultie-”

«Esti d'épais à marde! T'es si cave-»

He regretted how he said it, because it sounded a little too much like the way it felt when a Brotherhood soldier called him a local. More water. Rinse-fucking-repeat.

[garciaasfluffypen]

a kind of betrayal

prompt: continuation of new roommates and insane plans wc: 1.6k  ship: jennifer jareau x elle greenaway 

a/n: reads part 1 and two before this!! also, let me know if you want me to do s2 & 3 with our lovely ladies :) 

part 1 • part 2

after a long talk with elle about her mother, and a failed attempt at getting an extension on her term paper, jj found herself at a loss. she toyed with the necklace she had found sitting on her desk, deep in thought.  they were trying to save the lives of everyone on campus, and she couldn’t even do that and balance her school work. her father was going to have a field day with her.

“please tell me you’re having better luck with the mystical weapon situation.” jj turned to elle, who was reading out of the sumerian book she and tara had gotten from the library.

elle let out a sigh. “mm, not so much. ascalon, an enchanted spear that kills dragons but only if you’re a christian saint. the scepter of kerykeion will heal them. the holy hand grenade of antioch would be perfect for an influx of monstrous rabbits.”

“wait,” jj pulled something up on the computer screen, waiting for elle to look over. “what about this one? the blade of hastur, forged from the burnt bones of starspawn and meant to shatter all that oppose it…” she trailed off.

“that may or may not be sealed into the face of a cliff in an underwater cavern a thousand feet below sea level.” elle continued, a plan forming in her head.

“no. it’s sealed in the face of a cliff in an underwater cavern, a thousand feet below sea level. nobody could survive that, which is probably the point.”

“i could get it.”

jj’s eyes widened as she looked over to elle. “what?”

“the sword. i could get it. pressure depth and nitrogen narcosis aren’t really itches for a vampire.”

“that would be- i mean, you’d be risking your life. and if your mother found out she would…”

“yeah, well, my mother fed the only person i cared about to a monster and maybe i don’t feel like letting that happen again.”

“i mean, i know that you’re not just doing it for me but seriously…”

“don’t be an idiot, jennifer. of course i’m doing it for you.” elle noticed the necklace she was wearing and started to freak out. “where’d you get that necklace?”

“i found it here, i thought you left it for me-”

“get it off.”

“what?”

elle reached for the necklace, hissing as it burned her hand the moment she made contact with it. before she knew it, jj was collapsing onto the bed, and elle was panicking. there was only one person who could be behind this. and she knew exactly who that person was.

“mother.”

“hello sweetheart,” jj- the dean- spoke, smiling sickenly sweet at elle. “i thought it was time we had a little talk.”

“what do you want, mother?”

“you didn’t come when i sent for you, i can’t imagine poor matt was at all unclear. he doesn’t quite have the brains for… delicacy.”

“if you’re going to kill me, why not just come yourself?” elle snarked, crossing her arms.

“kill you? when you think of the lengths i’ve gone to save you from your own foolishness?” a heartless chuckle fell from her lips. “i think you’re a practical girl and you’ll see that everything i do, i do for the best. that silly little creature couldn’t’ve loved you. the second she knew what you were, she spilled all your secrets like an idiot school child. she was a cockroach. a wretched, crawling thing just like poor jennifer. and you, my doll, are a diamond. stone can not love flesh.”

elle resisted the urge to spit in her face. “how could i ever trust you?”

“why don't i start us off with a gesture of good faith? matt has derek right now, and he’s just itching to help out.”

“i thought your hungry little night light wanted virgins.”

“oh, you’ve been reading barkley’s transcriptions. that man was obsessed. no, we just take girls because it's traditional. besides, the worlds just gonna grind them up anyway, so it’s almost a mercy. derek though, believes some idiot accident, perhaps depression over his lost sweetie.” she turned back to face elle. “so what’s it to be? shall we take the prom king here and leave you and the little moppet alone?”

elle sighed. “deal.”

“remember, she’s safe as long as you keep her from meddling. if either of you get in the way again, all bets are off. now be quick, catch!”

                                                           ---

jj stared at the screen, the events that had previously conspired playing out in front of her. tears brimmed her eyes as she watched, her feelings and emotions getting the best of her as she tried to figure out what was going on. alex watched along with her, a whacked up tara sitting on the bed mumbling about going to the party that she and alex were preventing her from going to. as if on cue, elle walked into the room and alex turned around, a stake being pointed right at her.

“not one more step, bloodsucker.”

“what is this?”

elle looked to jj, who simply pressed play on her computer. “were you ever going to tell me? about derek? about the fact she possessed me and used me to hurt my friends? or was it just going to be ‘sorry babe, no sword no rescue, that’s just the way the world is’?”

“jj that’s not- she promised to leave us alone.”

“yeah, just so long as you let her kill my friends. you know, it’s not the sword. the sword would kill you and i get that. it’s that you just gave up. after everything, you didn’t even try.” with tears in her eyes, jj turned away. “go away, elle. go run and hide. we’re done.”

                                                          ---

they had won, they had actually won. and elle was dead. elle was dead and it was all jennifer’s fault- if she hadn’t gone on that stupid adventure with tara and alex, she wouldn’t be sitting here all alone staring at elle’s side of the room and wishing she was there. jj missed elle, and it was something she had never thought she would miss her stupid remarks, and the hair in the shower drain. it had been approximately three days since they had won, and jj was going absolutely insane. an aftershock hit the building, and jj simply sighed, staring at her computer screen as she rode through it. as nice as it was having kate back, jj felt like there was a piece of her life that was missing now that elle wasn’t there. a weird emptiness that couldn’t be filled by another human, no matter how hard they tried.

“hey, jj.” alex lightly knocked on the door, pushing it open slightly. “so um, something happened and i um, i just wanted to come prepare you so that you wouldn’t freak out. so derek and some of his zeta bros were throwing cherry bombs into the big pit under the lustic building and um… the found… um…”

as if on cue, emily walked in with a passed out elle in her arms. jj shot up from her bed, running over to her.

“okay so, we think she’s… i mean she seems dead, but she’s a vampire, right?”

“blood! she needs blood!”

jj ran over to where kate had left the soy milk container earlier that day, grabbing it and bringing it back over to elle. slowly and carefully she poured some blood into her mouth, barely noticing alex and emily slipping out of the room to give them their privacy. a few minutes later elle stirred, a groan falling from her lips. jj practically catapulted herself onto elle, barely registering the fact she had thrown herself onto an injured person. elle was back, and that’s all she could think about.

“hey.”

“are you hurt? it looks like you’re hurt. and i’m sorry i hugged you so hard that you're hurt.” jj looked at elle as she stood up. “it’s just that you were dead and-and now you’re not and i know that you’re probably going through a lot of stuff with your mom, it’s just that-”

elle cut jj off with a kiss, pushing herself as close to the young blonde as she possibly could. she held her close, pulling in every scent of her that she hadn’t had while she was knocked out in the pit. the two of them pulled apart for air before jj initiated the second kiss, this one filled with more emotion than the last. elle pulled away, smiling slightly at jj as she stared at her in disbelief.

“so, you’re a giant black cat huh?”

elle chuckled. “so i am.”

“how are you- are you okay? how are you alive?”

“well, that’s the thing about being a vampire. kinda hard to hurt me unless you put a steak through my heart.”

“let’s not joke about that.” jj let out an exasperated laugh. “i just got you back. i can’t lose you again.”

“oh?” elle’s eyebrow raised. “you can’t loose me, you say?”

“shuddup.”

“what happened to the hatred you had for me a week ago?” elle teased.

“we don’t have to talk about that.” jj hid her face in elle’s good shoulder, blush covering her cheeks. “we really don’t.”

“mmm we do eventually, but i’m okay with not talking about it for now.”

“oh my god i’m so mean, do you need blood? you probably need more blood.” jj detached herself from elle, running to the fridge. “i know we have more in here somewhere.”

elle couldn’t help but smirk. to think that the semester started with jj hating elle’s guts, and here they were, about to embark on… well, she wasn’t sure what she could call it yet but…

jj was hers.  

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

If I Fell For You (Part 4) - Safety Nets

Summary: The reader has her first date with Jensen, a simple dinner at home with him and the kids, but when they get a moment alone, he shares some information about the accident hardly anyone knows. Just as things start to get moving with the pair, Jensen has to head to Canada for filming ahead of schedule but he’s not so sure he can go back to whole weeks away from his family right now...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x nanny!reader

Word Count: 5,200ish

Warnings: language, death of a spouse, mention of injury, depression, anxiety, self-worth problems

A/N: Shopping buddies are the best ;) Please enjoy!

________

“Can I help set the table?” you asked the next evening, Jensen shaking his head at you.

“JJ, can you set the table for me?” asked Jensen. She jumped up from the couch and got out silverware, setting an extra spot for you.

“Y/N, are you and dad on a date?” she asked when she finished up. You looked down from where you leaned back against the counter, Jensen chuckling.

“Yes we are sweetie. If this goes well I’d like to take Y/N out on Friday, maybe you guys can go to Uncle Jared and Aunt Gen’s,” he said.

“You should go out with dad,” said JJ. 

“Oh I should?” you said, crossing your arms. “Why’s that?”

“Cause he’s strong and handsome and smart and funny and…” she said, holding up her hand and counting on her hand. 

“The hair,” he whispered, a smirk crossing your face.

“Oh and he’s only got a few gray hairs!” she said.

“Oh. Well that is interesting,” you laughed, Jensen smacking himself in the face.

“Great hair, JJ. Not gray. Great,” he said.

“You do have gray whiskers,” she said.

“Like...barely,” he said. “See what I put up with? A few teensy tiny little patches in my beard if it grows out.”

“I don’t know if I can date a man of such frail age,” you said. He cocked his head and you laughed, JJ giggling as she went to get the plates.

“Keep it up you two,” he said. You walked over to him, JJ going past with the plates. “Come to tease some more?”

“I was told you’re quite handsome, thought I’d get a closer look,” you said. 

“You can have as close a look as you want,” he said, flashing you a wink.

“Calm yourself, Casanova,” you said, reaching up to the cupboard to get another plate for JJ. “Here sweetie.”

“Thanks,” she said. She set it ran back over, hugging you. “Don’t go.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” you said.

“Good,” she said. You bent down and picked her up, resting her on your hip. 

“Where’d you think I was going?” you asked. She shrugged and Jensen stopped stirring the pot.

“I don’t know. Wherever you were before. Dad’s a lot happier since you live with us now,” she said.

“Well taking care of you three is hard all by yourself,” you said. You set her down and patted her head. “Go get your brother and sister for dinner.”

“You’re good with them,” he said, stirring the pot again.

“They’re people. Small people that don’t know half of what adults do but still people. Sometimes you gotta treat ‘em like it. Most of the time actually,” you said. 

“I talked to her earlier about this whole situation,” he said.

“Besides listing off all your selling points what’d she think?”

“Well apparently she’s in favor of me asking if you’d marry me tonight,” he said.

“Oh. Shotgun wedding. Simple. I like it,” you laughed. He turned his head and smiled, glancing down for a long moment, slowly returning.

“Why doesn’t this situation scare you? The kids, me who has been all over the place lately, not to mention my job, long distance, the shit you get just for-” he said, your hand covering his mouth.

“I didn’t say it’s not a lot, Jensen. It’s scary. Of course it is. Every single one of my relationships has ended badly for one reason or another. Friendships. Family ones. Romantic ones. You’re handsome and you’re so successful and I’m literally a nanny but you said you wouldn’t hurt me. So I’ll trust that you won’t and you trust I won’t hurt you and it’ll work itself out.”

“That simple huh.”

“I’m easy going. Let’s keep it simple,” you said.

“Simple works,” he said as you pulled the pot off the burner before it bubbled over. “Simple definitely works.”

“This is not a good idea,” you said two hours later, the kids in bed, you and Jensen jumping up and down on the trampoline in the yard.

“Oh most certainly not,” he said, landing near you and sending you up. You yelped and landed back down on your bottom, Jensen bouncing again, sending you up again and laughing this time. “Well that’s a cute sound.”

“Boys. Is it taught somewhere that you gotta tease a girl when you like her?” you asked, Jensen pulling you to your feet and bouncing around lightly.

“Right after manly man class, duh,” he said. 

“You would have failed, I can tell you right now,” you said. He scoffed and you shrugged. “That’s kinda a really good thing.”

“That your ex? Tough guy all the time?” he asked.

“Not like, to that extent or anything. I had a bad day and I really needed someone and he let me down. He got mad at me for it actually. He called depression a phase I needed to get over with,” you said. He stopped bouncing and you did the same, glancing down. Next thing you knew he playfully tackled you onto the trampoline, rolling to his side and smiling at you. 

“Some of my friends have it. One of my best friends does. Jared. If he ever knocks on the door late at night or whatever, let him in.”

“You take care of everyone in your life it seems,” you said.

“You take care of the people you care about, not insult them. Hopefully the ex figures that out someday.”

“How’d you figure it out?” 

“I don’t do anything anyone else shouldn’t,” he said.

“Maybe that’s it,” you said. “You’re unapologetically good and you don’t even know how rare that is.”

“It takes up too much energy to be angry or mean or cruel. I’d just rather be happy,” he said.

“You got a lot of friends, don’t you.”

“My fair share,” he said.

“How many would you call close?”

“Maybe ten or so.”

“How many real close?”

“Two or three.”

“How many know what really happened that day? Your wife…” you said. He stared at you and swallowed.

“How do you know?” he asked quietly.

“Because when we met you said she died in an accident but then you said it was her head. You’re holding onto something, something you don’t talk about.”

“She was driving when the aneurysm happened. I was in the car with her. I almost died. It’s seemed easier to lie about that.”

“Who knows?”

“My parents and Jared. They’re the only ones.”

“You ever talk to anyone about it?” 

“I went to talk to someone a few times. I’m better now,” he said with a smile. “I don’t share a lot if you may have guessed already. Not to too many people. But you it feels so easy to.”

“Must be special,” you said. He smiled and reached a hand over, twirling a piece of your hair in his fingers. “That why you like me?”

“There’s a lot of stereotypical reasons to like someone and part of that is true in why you choose someone I suppose. But there’s this other part that when you meet someone that you can’t really explain.”

“I get that. I get all of it. My brain always seems to want to go to the bad scenario first I suppose,” you said. You looked up at the black sky, Jensen toying with another strand between two fingers. “I wish it didn’t do that so much.”

“You’re just trying to protect yourself is all,” he said.

“But I come off as pushy and distant,” you said, turning your head. “Like I’m that person that’s cool with everything being casual.”

“Well think of it like this trampoline. It’s the only thing holding us up right now right?” he asked and you hummed. “Well my life, I’ve had thousands of safety nets below me to catch me when I fall so even if I tore through one, there was more to hold me up while the others got fixed. You never had as many to start and I think more of yours broke and there was no way to fix them in time so you kept tumbling through until you got to the ground.”

“Your point?”

“Maybe some people hit the ground and others never do. But the people who hit the ground, as they go back up they can make the best most solid nets in the world to hold them up. One good net beats a thousand flimsy ones.”

“So at what age do I get the wisdom?” you asked, turning your head and smiling over at him.

“You don’t. My job has made me fall through more nets than I wanted to and this year made me realize I might not have a thousand strong nets at the bottom but I just needed one to get by and now I’m working back up. You’re not even close to being down low either. You’ve already had the hardest part of your life. It’s all up from here.”

You leaned over and he lay back on the trampoline, gazing up at you. You lowered your head as he cupped your cheek, pulling you in close until your lips were touching. Part of your mind was reeling from that in itself but the other half knew that was his first kiss since his wife. You inched back but stayed close, Jensen peeling open his eyes. 

“You okay?” you asked.

“Very,” he said. You lay back beside him, Jensen letting you go. His hand reached out for yours though and laced your fingers together. “Why’d you kiss me?”

“Wanted to,” you said.

“Cool. I wanted to kiss you too,” he said. 

“Alright then.” You stared upwards, the trampoline shifting again. He popped into view propped up on one arm, your head turning slightly. He was flush, even in the dim light. He moved slowly but you let him come to you, a barely there gentle kiss that lingered, a thousand gears going in your head, likely a thousand more going off in his. 

“I’m okay,” he said quietly as he pulled back a few inches. Your fingers carded through his hair and he smiled. “I’ll get the hang of this again. I promise.”

“That was more than enough for one night,” you said. “We said slow and we’ll go slow, okay?”

“Sounds good with me.”

Two Days Later

“Y/N, can I have a word with you in my office?” asked Jensen as you were picking up after dinner. You hummed and put the last fork in the dishwasher before following him down to a quieter part of the house. He shut the door behind you and he ran his hand over his face. “This is about work, my work, but it’s going to involve you. Heavily.”

“What’s up?” you asked, taking a seat in a chair. He sat in his by his desk, scrunching up his face.

“My job with that TV show, The Boys, it films in Canada. I’m gonna need to be up there four, maybe five months. The way things used to work with my wife was I would fly back home every weekend or every other weekend. I never went more than 2 weeks seeing the kids. I don’t have to film every day but it’s easier to stay there for the week. But it’s...it’s difficult for me. It’s difficult for them and...they lost one parent this year. I can’t stay away that long for months. I just can’t do it anymore.”

“That’s perfectly understandable,” you said.

“I’d like to temporarily move to Canada while I film. No flying back and forth. The kids can see me everyday and I can see them. JJ’s school still offers remote learning and I’m homeschool certified in a pinch. Twins can do daycare easy. The only issue I have is the same one I originally did. I still need a nanny. Only now in a different country...and it’s gonna be more late nights on the regular.”

“I see,” you said.

“This isn’t what you signed up for so if you don’t want it, that’s okay. I can find a nanny up there and we can try long distance and-” he said before you stood and walked in front of him.

“I’m in.”

“Really? I mean it’s gonna be awhile before we’re back in the states,” he said.

“It sounds like fun.”

“Awesome. I was really hoping you’d say that,” he said.

“So where are we going?” you asked.

“Toronto. Well, near there. I gotta start filming start of February but there’s promo stuff to do in late January,” he said.

“It’s already late January,” you laughed. “When do we have to move?”

“Uh, tomorrow,” he said. “Just got the call a few hours ago. I got a house to rent lined up already.”

“Oh wow. Alright. Uh, what do I need to do exactly?” you asked.

“Keep stuff normal. Don’t worry about cleaning or anything. Maybe box up anything you want to bring and some of the kids stuff. Toys, books, that stuff. I’ll handle their bags. We’ll ship it all up tomorrow and take a flight up at night,” he said.

“Okay, cool,” you said. “Wait I need like, a snow jacket right?”

“We’ll get you set up there with coat and boots and all that,” he said. 

“Gotcha,” you said, starting to leave before you spun around and walked smack into his chest. “Wait. I have a lot more questions actually. Like...I don’t have a passport?”

“I know which is why tomorrow morning first thing you’re gonna go down to the post office, get your passport done up and when it comes in, we’ll get it shipped up to Canada,” he said.

“How do I get into Canada though?”

“We share a border with them so we bring your license and birth certificate, you can go right on in no problem,” he said.

“Oh. Okay,” you said. “Wait. I’ve never been on an airplane before. What-”

“Okay,” he laughed. “Take a hot second and breathe and we’ll go from there. I know it’s last minute but it’ll work out. I promise.”

“Y/N,” said Jensen, tapping your shoulder two days later. You hummed and reluctantly turned your head away from staring out the back sliding doors to the snow covered yard and trees around you. “Have you ever seen snow before?”

“No. Not like this,” you said, head going back to staring outside. “It’s something out of a movie.”

“You had that same look on your face when we took off last night in the plane.”

“What’s that?”

“Those little moments where the years fall off and you get that childish joy, like nothing bad has ever happened,” he said. 

“I suppose there’s hope for me yet,” you said with a smile.

“Oh there was always that,” he chuckled. He threw an arm over your shoulders and you leaned into him. “Can I still take you out Friday?”

“Who’s gonna watch the kids?” you asked.

“My buddy.”

“Does he exist?” you said, grinning at him. 

“Cute,” he said, ruffling your bedhead. “Yes he does exist. How’s Friday night sound?”

“Do I need a dress?” you asked.

“Probably. It’s a nice place,” he said. “My favorite place in Toronto actually. Jeans are perfectly acceptable there though.”

“I’ll pick out a dress today too,” you said. You kissed his cheek and watched them turn an ever so light pink. “You’re cute.”

“Shut up,” he chuckled. “Put your boots and coat on the card I gave you alright? That’s a business expense.”

“Whatever you say boss,” you said. “I’m gonna duck out before the little ones get up. I’ll try not to be gone too long.”

“Take your time. Drive slow in the snow until you get the hang of it, okay?”

“I will. I promise.”

“What the fuck’s the difference between therma heat and therma wear…” you mumbled to yourself, gawking at the glove rack at the store an hour later.

“I think it’s just marketing,” said the guy on the other side. You jumped and managed to knock about five pairs off the hangers. He laughed quietly and peeked his head around. “Didn’t mean to spoke ya.”

“It’s alright. I’m…” you said, the man smiling as you shook your head out. “Um...I…”

“You okay?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. You nodded and he smiled. “You sure cause you were just having a life crisis over gloves a second ago and now you can’t seem to form a sentence.”

“You’re Home…” you said, shutting your eyes. “You’re the actor that plays...I’m having a fucking day.”

“Looks like it,” he said, bending down and picking up some of the gloves. He laughed again and you got the ones closest to you, putting them back. “You know it’s like ten degrees outside right? Not exactly sneaker weather.”

“I know. This place looks pretty but it’s worse than a Texas summer almost with how cold it is.”

“I thought you sounded not from here,” he said with a smile. “I’m not from around here either. I do better with the heat myself.”

“Okay um, listen...uh, what’s your name, not Homelander?” you asked.

“Antony,” he chuckled again.

“I’m Y/N. I’m just gonna get the weird stuff out of the way cause…” you said as he smiled but stepped back a foot. “Yeah. Um I’m a fan but like...do you know Jensen Ackles?”

“Why?” he asked.

“He’s my boss...and my boyfriend but that’s another story. We might run into each other at some point, probably very likely. Just wanted to throw that out there.”

“Your boss?” he asked.

“I nanny his kids. I wouldn’t believe me if I were you either. I should go,” you said. You groaned when you were past him, hearing a pair of feet jog to catch up with you. 

“I know you. You were on his instagram last week right? Yeah okay, that makes sense why a clueless Texas girl is stressing over gloves.”

“Excuse me?” He shook his head and smiled. 

“Get a pair of thick gloves, thinner ones but not too thin, a warm hat, good boots for traction along with some boot spray and go with a longer hooded parka. It’ll be warmer. Throw in a few pairs of wool socks to be sure,” he said.

“Oh. Thank you,” you said. You looked back at the store and then to him. “There’s like five hundred coats in here.”

“How about you buy me a cup of coffee and I’ll help you out. Deal?”

“Why would you help me?” you asked.

“Well I’m gonna be working with Jensen quite a bit and he’s your boyfriend too apparently plus it’s just nice,” he said.

“You’re so not like your character.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment. We’ll be out of here in an hour tops.”

Antony turned out to be very helpful since apparently you had an uncanny ability to be attracted to the least warmth rated items in the whole store. But you had your parka and boots on now, other items tucked away in the bags as you browsed through a rack of black dresses at a different store.

“We dress shopping now?” said Antony, sipping on his coffee cup.

“Dude,” you said, jumping again. “You gotta learn to make noise.”

“It’s my natural stealth,” he said. “That one.”

“What?”

“That one,” he said, nodding to a dress on the wall.

“I can’t pull that one off,” you said.

“Try it. I’ll watch your stuff,” he said.

“You’re oddly nice,” you said. “To a stranger.”

“Well this beats my plans of walking around the mall buying crap I don’t need. Besides, I like you.”

“I have a boyfriend.”

“I’m taken,” he laughed. “Come on. Everybody needs a shopping buddy.”

“Okay but if you’re a weirdo Jensen will kick your ass,” you said, finding your size and taking it off the rack. “Just sayin’.”

“I like the guy more already,” he said. “It’s not like it’s your first date or anything.”

“...Second date.” He stared and looked away. “It’s…complicated.”

“I heard about...you know…the accident,” he said. 

“Let him bring that up,” you said and he nodded. You took the dress into the changing room and smirked at the mirror. “Alright, maybe we give this one a shot.”

You changed back and found Antony on a bench outside. 

“I should take you shopping more often,” you said. “You have good taste.”

“Sounds like a winner,” he said, handing you back your bags. “I gotta head out for work but it was nice meeting you, Y/N. I’m sure I’ll see you around very soon.”

“Me too. Thanks for the help today, really.”

“Not a problem at all. See ya later,” he said as he headed out. You gave him a wave and picked out a pair of black heels to go with the dress before you were heading home.

“Hey Jensen,” you said late that night. He’d had to go in for some photos in the afternoon and had taken quite a bit longer than he’d anticipated. “Leftovers are in the container on the top shelf.”

“Thanks, Y/N,” he said. He rubbed his eyes and padded into the kitchen before tossing the container in the microwave.

“Um, Jensen? Can I talk to you about work?” you asked. His ears perked up and he nodded while he looked around for a spoon. “Second drawer to the left.”

“Thanks,” he said. “So what’s up? Something wrong?”

“Not exactly. I was thinking earlier though about a backup plan,” you said. He took out the container and grabbed his spoon sitting across from you at the table.

“What’s a backup plan?” he asked, shoveling a spoonful of too hot pasta into his mouth.

“Well down in Austin, say I was suddenly unable to perform my job duties cause I’m sick or hurt or I’m off on vacation or whatever. Down there I have a network of other nannies that could step in temporarily, they can do a pick up or drop off in a bind, that sort of thing. It’s kind of a support group in way. It’s good for me and for you.”

“They must have one of those things up here?” he asked, taking a slower bite this time. You spun your computer around and he nodded. “Tornanny. That’s cute. You gotta sign up or something?”

“I need to take a four hour class. They have one on Saturday morning. Is it okay if I sign up?” you asked. He chuckled and took another bite of food.

“Weekends are still yours to do as you please. I need a bit more help during weeknights or mornings but weekends are still yours. I’m also compensating your pay for the additional time and no you’re not winning that argument so don’t even try.”

“Okay. I’m gonna sign up,” you said, turning the computer back.

“What was that thing on the side?” he asked.

“Hm?” you said as you started filling in the form.

“Some happy hour thing on the side,” he said. You flicked your eyes over to the side of the page and saw the group posting. “That could be fun.”

“Do I look like the kind of person that goes to happy hours?” you said.

“Well maybe you could meet a nanny friend in this group, one you could maybe get to cover for you if you ever needed it. I did steal you away from everything you know to a different country with a days notice after all. I’d go with you if you want,” he said. 

“What about the kids?”

“Hm?”

“Jensen. I’m starting to see a fatal flaw in me being the nanny and us dating. I’m the person that should be watching the kids when you go out,” you said.

“Hm,” he said, eating for a few moments. “You do have a point. I think we need to renegotiate your contract.”

“Wait you’re firing me?” you said, Jensen shaking his head and laughing. “Okay cause you were about to lose a girlfriend for a second there.”

He smiled to himself and looked down, playing with his dinner. 

“So what are you talking about?” you asked.

“Well, girlfriend,” he chuckled. “How about this? Weekends you don’t work, at all, for any reason. If you watch the kids for an hour while I duck to the store, it’s cause you’re doing it cause of us, not as part of your job. If we want to go out or on a date on the weekend, we’ll get a sitter. I had a go to in Vancouver when I lived there. I’ll give her a call, see if she knows anyone out here that would work. That sound good?”

“I guess that’s alright,” you said. He raised and eyebrow and you shrugged. “I enjoy our alone time, don’t get me wrong. I don’t want to take away from them though.”

“I appreciate the sentiment but I’m not saying…” he said before he trailed off and ate the last bites of his food. “I moved us so they could see me everyday which is far more than they ever did when I filmed my show. I will still make them breakfast. I will still put them to bed. I will still have lunch with them and play with them and all of it. They’ll always by my first priority. But a relationship with kids doesn’t always mean the kids are around. Sometimes they come with, sometimes they stay home. I’m not talking about ditching them for days on end. A few hours on a Saturday night, most of which they’ll be in bed asleep is all I’m talking about. We have a right to a little bit of time for ourselves. It’s not as easy with them than it was the first time around but we just have to try harder is all.”

“Okay,” you said. “I’m good with that. How was your first day?”

“Good. We did a lot of promotional stuff. I won’t start acting until next week. I heard you met Antony shopping today.”

“Yeah. I didn’t get a chance to tell you when I got home earlier. He seems like a nice guy.”

“He does. He invited us to dinner once we settle into a routine,” he said. “Apparently you two are shopping buddies now.”

“The man does know how to choose a dress.”

“Good thing I packed my lucky suit up here,” he said. 

“Speaking of suits...you wouldn’t happen to have any of you in your Soldier Boy suit from today?” 

“No spoilers,” he said with a smirk. You jutted out your lip and he rolled his eyes, taking out his phone. He tapped and slid it over to you, your eyes wide. You must have stared for a solid minute before you looked over at him, Jensen leaned back in his chair with his hands behind his head and a huge grin on his face. “You think I’m hot, don’t you.”

“Pft, no,” you said, biting your bottom lip before you licked it. He was still grinning out of the corner of your eye and you gave him the phone back. “Maybe...you’re kinda hot. But it’s totally the suit. Like right now, ugh, horrendous.”

“Nah, I’m hot,” he said, sticking out his stomach and rubbing it.

“I’m impressed you can actually do that,” you said. 

“Everybody’s got a tummy,” he said. “Seriously though, you think the suit is cool?”

“It looks awesome. I’d love to see it in person,” you said.

“Oh you guys will be on set at some point,” he said. “I’m kinda nervous about next week.”

“Really? Why? You’re a great actor.”

“Have you ever seen a single thing I’ve done,” he chuckled.

“I did in fact see that horror movie on a date years ago. Something with like mining?” you asked. 

“That’s what you saw? Like that movie? I hope the date worked out at least,” he said with a big smirk.

“Actually it was the crappy ex,” you said.

“Oh. You guys must have dated for a long time then.”

“Since we were seventeen,” you said. He stared and you shrugged. “I kept waiting for him to grow up and change. Eventually I realized he never would.”

“Did you love him?”

“I loved the idea of him. I liked him. I was with him for close to 12 years so I obviously liked him. But it wasn’t love. I could never be myself all the way around him and that’s not a way to live. There was none of that feeling when you first meet someone, you know?”

“Would I be pushing to ask if you ever thought about marrying the guy?”

“He did propose actually. A few times,” you said. “I turned him down. Things really went downhill from there though.”

“Why’d you say no?”

“I didn’t want to marry someone that made me feel bad about being me. Got tired of him telling me to get over everything that happened as a kid, dress a certain way, should I really have dessert, that kind of crap.”

“It’s part of who you are. I wouldn’t exactly call your past something to get over,” said Jensen. “Why would he even make you feel bad about it? You’re so normal.”

“I don’t think his daddy hugged him enough,” you said.

“No need to be a dick to other people for it,” he said. You smiled as you finished filling out the rest of the form for the class before sending it off. “Hey on the plus side I did get a good recommendation for daycare today. I was gonna check it out tomorrow morning, maybe get the twins in next week. Apparently they’re also hooked up with a school so JJ can go to school with some other American kids too instead of being stuck behind a screen here all day.”

“That’s great news. She can make some new friends that way. You know I was thinking maybe she could get signed up for indoor soccer. When I played the new season normally started right at the beginning of February.”

“Is it safe?” he asked. “I thought that could get pretty dangerous.”

“Adult leagues can be but kids her age it’s just running back and forth mostly. She could make some new friends, give her something fun to look forward to.”

“It’s not a bad idea. I would like her to be involved in something since she’s out of dance and soccer back home right now. I’ll talk it over with her in the morning,” he said. “She say something to you about it?”

“No. I just know what it’s like to be the new kid,” you said. “Soccer helped me make friends at school.”

“You and your mom move after your dad passed?” he asked.

“Uh, yeah. I was little so I don’t remember so much,” you said, an email coming in that your spot in the class was reserved. “Alright. Looks like I’m all set for eight on Saturday.”

“I’ll try not to keep you out too late on Friday night then,” he said.

“I never said that.”

“I like flirty you,” he said, both of you looking up at the ceiling when you heard a loud pair of giggles. “Duty calls. Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Goodnight Jensen.”

________

A/N: Read Part 5 here!

[hangovercurse]

I’d Drop it All for You

Pictures of you and Pete are spread all over the internet, causing a whirlwind of hate to enter your social media.

Request: “Pete content please! anything !!! smut fluff whatever”

Pete x Reader

Warnings: Cursing, depictions of depression and anxiety

A/N: *Insert normal spiel about respecting A.G. and only using her for plot purposes. No harm intended.* Also I wrote most of this after a meeting with my therapist so... enjoy :) (He’s so cute in this gif I wanna kiss his face)

Word Count: 1820

You weren’t one of those people who loved being the center of attention. You knew that being in the spotlight also meant constantly living under a microscope, and you decided a long time ago that that was not for you.

But you were lucky enough to work as an assistant art director at just 24. You were hoping that The King of Staten Island, your newest project, would help get your name out into the professional world. But that wasn’t the only thing to come out of the film.

It happened unexpectedly, you showed up on set the first day, ready to do whatever the art director required of you. You couldn’t help but be slightly distracted by the lead actor and writer, Pete Davidson. He was so kind and funny, and he wasn’t uptight like everyone else.

After a few hours of filming, he came up to you, introducing himself. He said he “wanted to get to know everyone working on the project,” but you didn’t see him introducing himself to anyone else. You two started talking during breaks. Then he started sitting with you at lunch. Then he was asking for your number.

In a matter of weeks he was asking you out to dinner, taking you to a cozy restaurant that you absolutely adored. He walked you home, his hand grazing yours until you intertwined your fingers.

It was all very romantic, so when Pete asked if he could take you on another, you obviously said yes. Flash forward two weeks and he finally got the courage to ask you to be his girlfriend, even though you were both exclusively seeing each other already.

After filming ended 2 months later, you were still working on the film in post, which meant you had an excuse to stay  in Staten Island with Pete. After about 2 weeks in post, you spent more nights in his bed than your hotel’s.

Nearly 6 months later and you were happier than ever. You were splitting your time between your small apartment in the Bronx and Pete’s basement apartment. Pete introduced you to most of his friends, and you introduced him to yours.

But other than your small circles of friends, you kept your relationship fairly quiet. Pete doesn’t have social media and yours is strictly professional, so there are no pictures of you two together. You weren’t hiding each other, you loved each other, you just had no reason to tell tabloids. And you were perfectly happy with that.

Which made it so much worse when various news sites had pictures of you two holding hands. Had they been anyone else you would’ve thought they were cute, walking along the South Beach oceanside at night.

Pete had been in the SNL studio all day when the pictures were released, while you were in his apartment, trying your best to focus on the photoset in front of you. The production team wanted the film to scream “teen romance,” which basically entails subtle pink undertones and a higher saturation. But you couldn’t quite get the coloring right, probably because you weren’t actually focusing on the colors.

You sighed, looking at the time and realizing that Pete won’t be back until sometime after 2am, which was a whole 5 hours away. You let out a huff, pushing away from the desk and making your way to Pete’s closet and searching for one of his hoodies. They always smelled like him (and weed), so it was a comfort to you.

You crashed onto the bed, finding the phone that you had tossed there a few hours earlier. Turning it on you were surprised by the number of notifications you were getting. You knew the photos had surfaced but you weren’t expecting this.

Your Instagram was blowing up with new follows, likes, and comments. It was kind of exciting at first until you started reading some of the comments.

I mean, we knew he would downgrade from Ari, but this is like… really far down.

This girl really thinks she’s special just bc Pete’s dating her. Hun he could do so much better

Who is she?!? Literally no one.

Someone needs to show her how to dress

That hairstyle is not it honey

Pete Davidson is dating YOU??? He could do sooo much better

Ari was prettier sorry not sorry

The entire comment section on your last post, a picture of you on the set of your latest film, was pretty much the same. There were some nice comments, but a lot of mean ones.

And you couldn’t help it, you couldn’t stop looking at them. It felt so cliché, but it was like all of your deepest insecurities about being with Pete were thrown out on the table.

You knew that Pete had a fairly large following, and that a lot of people had really strong feelings about him. You had expected that if and when your relationship went public you would have a lot of people watching you, scrutinizing you. But you didn’t care because Pete was worth it.

Now you weren’t so sure. It wasn’t that you couldn’t handle people talking bad about you, because you definitely could, even if it hurt. You just weren’t expecting the amount of people comparing you to Ariana or saying that Pete could do so much better.

And it only bothered you so much because you felt it too. Your inner demons loved to remind you that Pete had dated Ariana fucking Grande and now he’s dating you. Anyone could see an obvious downgrade.

You turned your phone off and threw it on the opposite side of the bed, trying to think positive thoughts. “I am in control of my own thoughts and emotions. I am catching my negative thoughts and fixing them.” You murmured your therapist’s mantra to yourself, but it was too late. The thoughts had already taken hold of your mind.

Your eyes started to water as you could feel the heavy feeling in your chest set in. You pulled the hood over your head, pulling the straps to hide as much of your face as possible, and pulling your knees to your chest. You laid like that for a while, tears falling as doubts ran through your head. Once you had effectively exhausted your thoughts, you went numb. Your tears had stopped, but you couldn’t move. This wasn’t an unfamiliar feeling, but it sure wasn’t pleasurable.

There was a sort of buzzing throughout your body, almost like the feeling when your foot falls asleep, but everywhere. It seemed to block out your sound, as you didn’t hear the basement door open. You only knew that Pete was home when he sat beside you on the bed, pulling the hood off your face.

“There’s my beautiful girl.” He smiled at you. You tried your best to fake one back, but you honestly couldn’t find the energy. Pete pulled you so you were sitting up, back pressed against his front. His arms wrapped around your middle as he pressed a kiss to your temple. “What’s goin on?” He murmured against your skin.

“Did you see them?” You asked, your voice quiet and hoarse.

Pete let out a sigh, “Yeah, I saw them.” He paused, his hold on you getting tighter, like he was making sure you couldn’t leave. “I’m sorry baby. I know you didn’t want it to be a whole big thing.”

You turned your head to face him, “It’s not that. I really don’t mind that people know. We weren’t trying to hide anything.”

He smiled, “Yeah, I know I just- it was nice having this to ourselves.”

He wanted to hide you. He’s embarrassed of you.

Your inner dialogue never seemed to shut up.

You turned away from Pete, trying to hide the tears forming in your eyes. “Yeah.” You whispered.

“What’s wrong, you’re still upset.” He rocked you in his arms, kissing the top of your head. You shrugged in response, not trusting yourself to talk. “You can talk to me, y’know.”

You nodded, leaning further into Pete’s chest. “People found my Instagram.” You murmured, looking down and tracing the arrow tattoo on his hand.

“Whaddya mean? I thought it was public?” He furrowed his eyebrows.

You sighed, wishing you hadn’t said anything. “Yeah, it is. But after all the articles people started following me and shit.”

“I would ask how that’s a problem but I deleted my Instagram so I can’t really talk.” You could tell he was trying to make you feel better, but you couldn’t seem to get out of your haze.

You shook your head, deciding to drop the matter. “It’s not, I’m just being overdramatic.” You sighed, putting on a fake smile and facing him fully. “Wanna watch a movie?” You asked, trying to change the topic.

He gave you the I-know-you’re-bullshitting-me look, which made you look down. “Something’s bothering you, Y/N. And you’re trying to pretend it doesn’t because you think your feelings aren’t valid, but they are.” He tilted his head, trying to meet your eyes that were still trained on the bedsheets below you.

“Where’d you learn that one?” You chuckled half-heartedly.

“Rehab part 2” he smiled, hand coming to your jaw to tilt your head up. “C’mon, talk to me. I wanna help.”

You huffed, moving towards the opposite side of the bed where your phone laid. You opened it, finding your Instagram, and showing him the comments. His eyebrows furrowed as he scrolled through the comments. When he decided he’d had enough he put your phone down, grabbing your waist and lifting you onto his lap so you were essentially straddling him.

He leaned his forehead against your own, your noses touching. “That’s all bullshit, you know that, right?”

You looked down, biting your lip. “Y/N you’re the most amazing, most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, okay? I’m in love with you, not anyone else.” Pete’s eyes were searching yours, trying to figure out what was going on in your head.

“I know.” You sighed, “It’s just hard to be with you and not compare myself to her. And then all these people started to do it too, and they kept saying that you could do so much better and you can. So, I dunno I guess I just kind of spiraled.”

Pete captured your lips in a long, passionate kiss. “Y/N. There is literally no better than you. I can’t do better because you are the best woman I have ever loved. “

You pulled Pete in for another kiss. “Thank you, Pete. I love you.”

“I love you too. If this happens again, I want you to call me. I don’t care what I’m doing, I’d drop it all for you.” You smiled, sitting in the arms of the guy you loved. The thoughts didn’t just magically go away, but for a brief moment in time, you were happy.

[queerdraws]

Cleaning Out the Rooms - a Harry Du Bois playlist Alcoholism, getting better?, memory loss, being a superstar, The Final Dream, forming political opinions, bad breakups, past transgressions, being a strange and inconsistent being, and persisting despite it all 26 songs (r-slur warning for Turnin’ on the Screw - QotSA)

including: David Bazan, They Might be Giants, The Mountain Goats, British Sea Power (of course), Queens of the Stone Age, and more.  Full track listing and lyric excerpts under the cut

---- Turnin' on the Screw - Queens of the Stone Age (This is the opening track on Era Vulgaris, seemed like an appropriate opening song / introduction to Harry's general essence) ----

... They say those who can't just instruct others And act like victims or jilted lovers You can't lose it if you never had it Disappear, man, do some magic

Want a reason? How's about because You ain't a has been if you never was

I sound like this

Scared to say what is your passion So slag it all, bitter's in fashion Fear of failure's all you've started The jury is in, verdict: r******d

I'm so tired, and I'm wired too I'm a mess; I guess I'm turning on the screw

---- Bless this Mess - David Bazan (Harry being a drunk and a general mess, things going in cycles) ----

God bless the man who stumbles God bless the man who falls God bless the man who yields to temptation God bless the woman who suffers God bless the woman who weeps God bless the children trying her patience Trouble getting over it Is what you're in for So pour yourself another 'Cause it'll take a steady pair of hands Holy or unholy ghost Well now I can't tell, but either way you cut it You should get some distance if you plan to take a stand God bless the house divided God bless the weeds in the wheat God bless the lamp hid under a bushel I discovered hell to be the poison in the well So I tried to warn the others of the curse But then my body turned on me I dreamt that for eternity My family would burn Then I awoke with a wicked thirst

---- Don’t Sit Down Cause I’ve Moved Your Chair - Arctic Monkeys (general Harry vibe.  off-kilter) ----

Break a mirror, roll the dice

...

Find a well-known hard man and start a fight Wear your shell suit on bonfire night Fill in a circular hole with a peg that's square

But just don't sit down 'cause I've moved your chair

...

Bite the lightning and tell me how it tastes Kung fu fighting on your roller skates Do the Macarena in the devil's lair

But just don't sit down 'cause I've moved your chair

---- I've Been Seeing Things - They Might be Giants (feels very Harry's detecting style, surreal happenstance) ----

I've been seeing things I've been seeing things Don't have answers but I've got lots of questions

Carpool's up, someone gets out Hand someone else a violin case I'm trying not to let them see me looking at them But I'm pretty sure there was a dollar sign

Keep your eyes peeled and you'll see stuff Which at first seems like unimportant irrelevant things

Can't just ask some perfect stranger "What are you hiding in your violin case?" Shadow them at a distance instead Try to get inside their head

Where'd they go now (Where'd they go now) I got distracted (I got distracted) Begging me to stay (Begging me to stay) Wearing a disguise (Wearing a disguise) That lady (That lady) Must have ditched the kid (Must have ditched the kid) Hidge the down (Hidge the down) [???] What's she up to now? (What's she up to now?) Trembling cold by the airport road Watching them stack containers in rows Seagulls, helicopter, windblown trash Something doesn't add up

I've been seeing things I've been seeing things No one asks but I'm packing all kinds of attention

Later I'm watching a news report Camera pans across a crime scene Unremarked upon detail Empty violin case Okay maybe not the same case Different material, different color Still you have to wonder Am I the only one who knows

I've been seeing things

---- Music is the Victim - Scissor Sisters (breakup Harry.  drug-addled disco Harry) ----

I left my heart in San Fransisco It's at some motherfucking disco The people there where dancin' on it And that's including Ms. Matronic

Hell if music is the victim then so am I Of lovin' and a cheatin' the snake gon' bite I beg and I scream and I cuss and I cry If music is the victim then so am I

Of your bad fun Money's all gone but you need some Lover's on the phone but they got none Daddy ain't home from the dog run And you're riding through the city with a shotgun

I left my bag in Pasadena Where all them girls was doin' Tina Them bitches sure were crunked up on it I said I'd rather smoke some chronic

Hell if music is the victim then so am I Of lovin' and a cheatin' the snake gon' bite I beg and I scream and I cuss and I cry If music is the victim then so am I

---- Down to Your Soul - Right Away, Great Captain! (about the Final Dream and pre-game Harry) ----

And I see things I actually don't see. I knew it wasn't actually you a few feet from my reach. I looked into your eyes and I began to lose my teeth, And I felt you were dreaming the same thing.

And I know you don't know what I'm capable of But if you give me just one more minute I'm sure That you would be shaking right down to your soul And I'd hope that the fear of the lord brings me home. I'm a man in a body of water so tall Could swallow you whole and forget where he's going But I carved a map in the back of my arm Don't worry I'm coming home I said don't worry cause I'm coming home

---- No Surprises - Radiohead (suicidal harry, pre-game.  Maybe immediately before the game.  A little Big Communism Builder) ----

A heart that's full up like a landfill A job that slowly kills you Bruises that won't heal You look so tired, unhappy Bring down the government They don't, they don't speak for us I'll take a quiet life A handshake of carbon monoxide

And no alarms and no surprises

…

This is my final fit My final bellyache

…

No alarms and no surprises, please (get me out of here)

---- Cleaning Out the Rooms - British Sea Power (The instrumental part seems to have been used / referenced for a background music track.  And also the name of that one thought project. as expected, it fits beautifully.  Wake up in a new life, down by the seaside.  Cleaning out the rooms.  She’ll be coming soon.) ----

Where life is good in a way Swept away upon our hearts, in cold coal ceremonial On a rainy day, hang it up Get the vacuum and suck it in Cleaning out the rooms, I'll clean it up Dark cloud, drifting out of view I'll never know, she'll be coming soon, that is all I'll wake up in a new life, ship shape and shoe shine Cleaning out the rooms, I'll clean it up She'll be coming soon Drifting into view, way in the west, white cloud If everybody knew, I never knew, she'll be coming soon I'll wake up in a new life, down by the seaside In a new life, down by the seaside Cleaning out the room, I'll clean it up Dark clouds, she'll be coming soon Down the chimney, out the window, that is all

---- In the Morning of the Magicians - The Flaming Lips (waking up with no memory, but bad vibes) ----

In the morning I awake

And I couldn't remember What is love and what is hate

The calculations error

Oh, what is love and what is hate? And why does it matter? Is to love just a waste? And how can it matter?

Oh...

As the dawn began to break I had to surrender The universe will have its way Too powerful to master

---- Once in a Lifetime - Talking Heads (Huh??  What's happening??  same as it ever was, same as it ever was) ----

And you may ask yourself, "How do I work this?" And you may ask yourself, "Where is that large automobile?" And you may tell yourself, "This is not my beautiful house" And you may tell yourself, "This is not my beautiful wife"

...

Same as it ever was, same as it ever was Same as it ever was, same as it ever was

...

And you may ask yourself, "What is that beautiful house?" And you may ask yourself, "Where does that highway go to?" And you may ask yourself, "Am I right? Am I wrong?" And you may say to yourself, "My God! What have I done?"

---- Don't Change - David Bazan (alcoholism, cycles of wanting to get better, depression, slipping in to old coping mechanisms, plus a little bit in here about dreams.  This is a song for if Harry continues partying after the memory wipe, I suppose) ----

He seems nice You met him once or twice But you wonder what he's like When he's sober

Then again You hear he has no friends Just people that he spins To do him favors

When he wakes up in the morning he tells himself Today I'll make a change But falling into his bed at night he thinks Man it was a beautiful day to stay the same

I'm so deep That only in my sleep Do the secrets that I keep Float to the surface

So I hold them down Till they don't make a sound Like they accidentally drowned Except on purpose

And when I wake up in the morning I tell myself Today I'll make a change But falling into my bed at night I think Man it was a beautiful day to stay the same

---- Airbag - Radiohead (born again, back to save the universe) ----

In the next world war In a jackknifed juggernaut I am born again In the neon sign scrolling up and down I am born again

In an interstellar burst I am back to save the universe

In a deep, deep sleep of the innocent I am born again In a fast German car I'm amazed that I survived An airbag saved my life

In an interstellar burst I am back to save the universe

---- A Comet Appears - The Shins (puppeting a man-body around pretending to be a living thing. drinking, depression) ----

One hand on this wily comet Take a drink just to give me some weight Some uber-man I'd make I'm barely a vapor

They shone a chlorine light on A host of individual sins Let's carve my aging face off Fetch us a knife Start with my eyes Down so the lines Form a grimacing smile

Close your eyes to corral a virtue Is this fooling anyone else? Never worked so long and hard To cement a failure

---- The Communists Have the Music - They Might be Giants (Big Communism Builder, but especially Harry's shallow understanding of Communism.  Party-boy communist) ----

I got handed an Ayn Rand sandwich Straight from the can, it tasted so bland I asked a lass to pass me a glass Of Engels' Conditions of the Working Class

Right away they dragged me to the committee To explain my un-American activity They're gonna see they made a mistake If they'd only let me play my mixtape

I'm not partial to the martial Or the plutocrats, in their beaver hats And the fascists have the outfits But I don't care for the outfits What I care about is music And the communists have the music

---- Harlem Roulette - The Mountain Goats (Harry thinking about Guillame le Million?  Generally: that vibe of secret, maybe supranatural machinations happening just outside your field of view.  A kinda lonely, pensive vibe, sprinkled with past drug use, driving...memory) ----

Unknown engines underneath the city Steam pushing up in billows through the grates Frankie Lymon's tracking "Seabreeze" in a studio in Harlem Its 1968. Just a pair of tunes to hammer out. Everybody's off the clock by 10:00. The loneliest people in the whole wide world are the ones you're never going to see again. Feels so free when I hit the avenue. Nothing like a New York summer night. Every dream's a good dream, Even awful dreams are good dreams, If you're doing it right. Remember soaring higher than a cloud. Get pretty sentimental now and then. The loneliest people in the whole wide world are the ones you're never going to see again. And four hours north of Portland, a radio flips on. And some no one from the future remembers that you're gone. Armies massing in the dusky distance. Ghosted in the ribbon microphone. Leave a little mark on something, maybe, Take the secret circuit home. Nothing in the shadows but the shadow hands. Reaching out to sad, young, frightened men. The loneliest people in the whole wide world are the ones you're never going to see again.

---- Suture up Your Future - Queens of the Stone Age (Harry's gonna fix his mess) ----

I'm gon' suture up my future I ain't jaded, I just hate it See, I been down too long It's kinda hard to explain Burned and buried, all I carried

...

Tried explaining unexplained Got caught in the plan All this talking at once I've been giving my love away To the things that tear it apart I'm gonna suture up my future

---- Lampshades on Fire - Modest Mouse (Harry trashing his body / having already trashed his body, just kinda a Harry-vibe song) ----

...

Well, the lampshade's on fire when the lights go out This is what I really call a party now Well, fear makes us really, really run around A-this one's done so where to now? Our eyes light up, we have no shame at all Well, you all know what I'm talking about The room lights up, but we're still dancing around We're having fun, having some fun now

Pack up again, head to the next place Where we'll make the same mistakes Open one up and let it fall to the ground Pile out the door when it all runs out

...

As our feelings are getting hurt Oh, we want you to do the work Our ass looks great inside these jeans Well, we want just our water clean

Well, this is how it's always been And this is how it's going to be So you just move on

---- Seven Nation Army - The White Stripes (Harry "can-opener" du Bois.  Talking to the skills, solving things, detecting, generally being a terrifying force of nature / the pale) ----

I'm gonna fight 'em all A seven nation army couldn't hold me back They're gonna rip it off Taking their time right behind my back

And I'm talking to myself at night Because I can't forget Back and forth through my mind Behind a cigarette

And the message coming from my eyes Says, "Leave it alone"

Don't wanna hear about it Every single one's got a story to tell Everyone knows about it From the Queen of England to the Hounds of Hell

And if I catch it coming back my way I'm gonna serve it to you And that ain't what you want to hear But that's what I'll do

And the feeling coming from my bones Says, "Find a home"

---- Body of Years - Mother Mother (Harry's past that follows him, Harry's half-decomposed body that marks the years of abuse it's been through) ----

All the remains of a cadaver of days I keep hidden away, keep them there just in case I wanna visit that place Blow the dust from the bones Off a body of years that I leave all alone Just a body of years

See the skin disappears And the blood turns to stone In a body of years now a pile of bones Like a sheet of veneer Each a piece of my soul It's a body of years that I leave all alone

It's Just a body of years, now a pile of bones You know Old soul who falls down Can't stop trippin' on these Old roads I go down Get back up and get my foot in the door And my face on the page Make my mark in the world With a bat and a blade It's a body of work that you can't ever change Like a body of years that you take to your grave It's just a body of years that I leave all alone It's just a body of years, now a pile of bones Like a sheet of veneer Each a piece of my soul

---- The Cap-m - They Might be Giants (just a Harry vibe song) ----

When I talk you keep looking away from me 'Cause you probably think that I'm high on pot But I'm not, I'm not

Look me over, I'm the Cap'm You say it's such a joke But I don't see you laughing

People seem to think you can't be called the Cap'm Unless you drive a boat Well, I don't I don't

Look me over, I'm the Cap'm Go ahead and mess with me You'll find out what will happ'm

...

Did you say what I think you just said My hat looks good on me? I agree, I agree

Look me over, I'm the Cap'm You act like it's a joke But I don't see you laughing

---- Broke - Modest Mouse (oops!  all mistakes.  Broke it all.  Want to forget it but can't) ----

Broke account, so I broke a sweat I've bought some things that I sort of regret about now Broke my pace and ran out of time Sometimes I'm so full of shit that it should be a crime

Broke a promise 'cause my car broke down Such a classic excuse it should be bronze by now Broke your glasses, but it broke the ice You said that I was an asshole and I paid the price

Broken hearts want broken necks I've done some things that I'd love to forget, but I can't

Broke up, and I'm relieved somehow It's the end of the discussions that just go 'round and 'round And 'round, and 'round, and 'round ... It was like everything was evidence of broken time

You're living on fancy wine You'll drink that turpentine You're starting conversations You don't even know the topic

---- Spent Gladiator 2 - The Mountain Goats (Defiantly alive) ----

Like a spent gladiator, Crawling in the coliseum dust. Who can count on his remaining limbs, All the people he can trust. Like the one who stands behind him, Cheering him on. Ecstatic when he stands defiant, Wild with abandon when he's gone. Just stay alive. Keep your eyes on the pay line. Like a village on the step, About to get collectivized. When the men emerge with rifles from the haystack, Everybody looks surprised. Like the mice in the forgotten grain, Way up on the top shelf. Like someone who's found a small town to escape to, Keeps one eye on his abandoned, former self. Stay in the game. Just try to play through the pain. Like a fighter who's been told its finally time for him to quit. Show up in shining colors, And then stand there and get hit. Like the clock that ticks in Dresden, When the whole town's been destroyed. Like the nagging flash of insight, You're always desperate to avoid. Like the bloody-knuckled gunman, Still stationed at the breach. Like that board game with the sliders, And the children on the beach. Stay alive. Maybe spit some blood at the camera. Just stay alive. Stay forever alive.

---- You Only Live Once - The Strokes (just general Harry, talking about the skills, choices you can make, what kind of cop you can be) ----

Twenty-nine different attributes Only seven that you like, oh-oh Twenty ways to see the world, oh And twenty ways to start a fight, oh

...

And countless odd religions too It doesn't matter which you choose, oh, no One stubborn way to turn your back, oh This I've tried and now refuse, oh

Oh don't, don't, don't get up I can't see the sunshine Oh, I'll be waiting for you, baby 'Cause I'm through Sit me down Shut me up I'll calm down And I'll get along with you

---- Pork and Beans - Weezer (Superstar Cop) ----

They say I need some rogaine to put in my hair Work it out at the gym to fit my underwear Oakley makes the shades to transform a tool You'd hate for the kids to think that you've lost your cool

I'ma do the things that I wanna do I ain't got a thing to prove to you I'll eat my candy with the pork and beans Excuse my manners if I make a scene I ain't gonna wear the clothes that you like I'm fine and dandy with the me inside One look in the mirror and I'm tickled pink I don't give a hoot about what you think

Everyone likes to dance to a happy song With a catchy chorus and beat so they can sing along Timbaland knows the way to reach the top of the charts Maybe if I work with him I can perfect the art

I'ma do the things that I wanna do I ain't got a thing to prove to you I'll eat my candy with the pork and beans Excuse my manners if I make a scene I ain't gonna wear the clothes that you like I'm fine and dandy with the me inside One look in the mirror and I'm tickled pink I don't give a hoot about what you think

No, I don't care I don't care

---- Freaks - Surf Curse (head filled with skills, The Final Dream) ----

Don't kill me just help me run away From everyone I need a place to stay Where I can cover up my face Don't cry, I am just a freak

I am just a freak(x3)

My head is filled with parasites Black holes cover up my eyes I dream of you almost every night Hopefully I won't wake up this time

I won't wake up this time(x3)

---- The Smallest Church in Sussex - British Sea Power (oh yeah this is mandatory) ----

[thefanficmonster]

Take That!

Corpse Husband & Reader (Female) ft. Streamer Gang

Warnings: Mentions of Depression, Suppressed Sadness, Swearing

Genre: Platonic Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: What is a friend? Your smile through the tears. The umbrella over your head when it starts raining. The ointment to your wound. But if you wanna put it in a more literal manner, a friend is something that doesn’t have a concrete definition. It can be the person you sit next to in class or the person who’s hundreds of miles away from you and you’re connected to through a Discord call.

Requested by Anon. Hello dear! Thank you so much for your request, sorry it’s taken me so long to complete and post it but here it finally is and I hope you enjoy the read if you happen to come across the fic. Love, Vy ❤

There are those days when I wake up excited for a new day. There are also those days when the thought of playing Among Us with my friends is all that gets me out of bed. And then there are those days when not even that can get me to budge. Today is one of those days.

I’d still be in bed right now had I not needed to use the bathroom. On my way back to hide under my covers, I heard my cat’s meow from the kitchen, reminding me she needed to be fed. After tending to that task I just sort of lost will to return to bed either. Speaking truthfully, today is a will-less day. The type of day where I have no idea what to do with myself because I feel so odd and uncomfortable: heavy and bustling head, motivation below zero no matter whether I have zero tasks to tend to or a mountain high pile of work. It’s a laying on the floor and letting my mind eat away at me type of day and I can’t say I appreciate it.

The only thing I have to look forward to is the game of Among Us Corpse invited me to yesterday. Had I known I’d wake up feeling like absolute shit, I wouldn’t have accepted. I just know I’ll be a downer the whole time because I suck at covering up how I feel - my smiling masks and faux happiness don’t cut it but staying quiet is even worse because I’m typically and energetic and bubbly person, always having something to say or a comment to add to the conversation. Always looking to make people laugh.

Well, it’s hard to make people laugh when you feel like a deflated balloon.

I can’t describe the feeling any better than that - I feel empty, maybe a little sad somewhere in the mix, unmotivated. I keep these feelings to myself cause whenever I bring them up people just blow me off, saying I’m describing laziness but more dramatically. Either that or burnout which is sometimes the case, but I’m more than sure that it’s not the culprit for today. You can only blame burnout so many times.

Anyway, I make a mental note, promising myself I’m not gonna bail on my friends regardless of whether my mood gets better or worse. Who knows, maybe a gaming session with them is exactly what I need.

                                                              *  *  *

Not much has changed with my emotional state - I’ve spent a good chunk of the day surfing through TV channels and my socials with nothing else to occupy my mind but the overwhelming knowledge that I’m not feeling ok and that hyperawareness of a void that I feel but cannot describe. At one point, Corpse sent me a text to confirm I’d be participating in the gaming session and I was this close to saying no. This close to coming up with some bullshit excuse and bailing but I didn’t, thankfully. 

Here’s the thing about this drop in mood of mine - I know it’s gonna be gone by morning. It bullies me, beats and batters me for only twenty four hours - never more, never less. Like clockwork and as precise as a Swiss watch. And so fucking annoying. No matter what I do, I can’t end it prematurely and I can never wake up feeling down and unmotivated the next morning - there’s always a surge of motivation coursing through me and it drives me to be super productive as if making up for what I didn’t do the previous day when I was in the dumps.

It’s a twisted way of it showing me I’m powerless and at the mercy of a force that, despite being mine and existing within me, I’m completely unfamiliar with. It’s so fucking unfair, it’s disheartening.

“Hi everyone! Sorry I’m late.“ I greet the five people who have already gathered in the Discord call and the Among Us lobby.

Yeah, sorry I’m late, I was contemplating not showing up at all last minute

“Don’t worry about it, many people are running late as you can see.“ Rae replies reassuringly, “How’s your day? Anything spectacular happen?“

I can’t help but scoff, “Yeah sure, a TON of spectacularism in my life on the daily. From the large stack of papers I couldn’t bring myself to touch, to the dusty surfaces all over my apartment I didn’t convince myself to clean - it’s all fabulous over here.”

Fuck, that was too real

“Whoa, where’d all this sarcasm come from?“ Rae asks, sounding genuinely baffled rather than teasing, “It’s never been your strong suit.“

“Neither has unproductivity.“ Corpse, my best friend, chimes in, “Everything ok?“

Well, I admit, I should’ve known better than to have an outburst like that in front of people who have known me for a while now and can probably gauge my emotions even without me admitting to them. I truly don’t know where it came from. Hell, I didn’t even see it coming.

“Nah, it’s ok. I’m just being lazy, I guess.” I’m quick to withdraw and brush off any suspicion. The last thing I want is to worry my friends or, even worse, receive the same response from them: that I’m being dramatic, that I’m attention-seeking, that I’m just lazy and unmotivated as are most people of my generation.

“You know, what people often self-diagnose as ‘laziness’ often turns out to be something more serious. I don’t mean to scare you, but it could be depression.“ Corpse says after a brief moment of silence in the call, his voice soft and cautious as if explaining a complex problem to a kid who’s bound to be hurt by what it’s told.

I can’t help but chuckle. He has no idea how much he’s relieved me by saying that. I always ‘don’t want to talk about it’ and ‘want to change the subject’ while what I truly need happens to be the complete opposite. I need someone to hear me out, I need someone who will not brush me and my concerns off like we don’t matter. I need someone who’ll understand. And if these people who have openly struggled with anxiety or depression don’t get me, who will?

“Yeah, I genuinely thought I thought of myself as a lowlife while I was in college cause I started losing motivation for everything and started fearing what was to come. I began avoiding going out and talking to people cause I felt like I was the sore thumb in the friend group I had - the only one without any specific goal or a dream.“ Leslie says out of the blue, “Turns out I suffered through a burnout so bad it turned into an anxiety/depression combo that I just blamed on being a lazy college student.“

“Same here!“ Toast pipes in, “I was bedridden for a while during the first days of my streaming career, for a very ridiculous reason - I believed I didn’t deserve the attention I was getting and I wasn’t doing as well as people gave me credit for. So that had me crippled with self-doubt for a long while.“

“I still don’t believe I’m doing as well as I get credit for, but oh well.“ Leslie laughs, “I already told you all about my dumpster-fire of a brain, so I’m instead gonna say: what you need is an appointment with a therapist. Also - you need to stop underestimating your struggles. Invalidating yourself and what you’re going through is gonna make things only worse for you. You need to love yourself.“

“And you need us!“ Rae exclaims, “You need the best support you can get and, lucky for you, we’re the best in the business. Count on us always being there for you, Y/N. Cause we always will be.“

“You’re never alone. We’re all just a call or a text away. Especially me.“ Corpse adds, “I’m basically at your service 24/7, just like you’ve always been for me. What are best friends for if not sharing mental struggles and lifting each other up afterwards?“

I don’t know when this smile made its home on my face but it seems to be rather happy with where it is and wants to stay. Something tells me that thanks to these guys, it will indeed stay there for quite some time. And every time it tries to slip away, they’ll be there to bring it back.

“Then let’s lift each other up, shall we? I mean, what better way to do it other than killing each other and getting away with it?“ I attempt a giggle, hiding my emotions behind it like my life depends on it. Chances are they heard all I’m feeling in my voice, but I can only hope they’re not gonna mention it.

“Y/N, hun, I’m sorry to burst your bubble but....you never get away with it.“ Corpse wheezes, causing me to narrow my eyes and frown.

“Oh, you’re so gonna get it now!“ I exclaim, cracking my knuckles before getting my hands on my keyboard, “Start the game! I have a point to prove!“

And just like that, in what felt like the blink of an eye, the clouds have shuffled aside to make path for the sunshine to grace my brain with positivity I was not expecting to feel until tomorrow morning. I can’t give myself the credit for that though - it all goes to these amazing people I have the honor of calling friends.

I may have no power over it on my own, but with the gang’s help, I can take full control of it. And as a middle finger to the melancholy, I’ll do it all with a bright smile on my face.

Take that, brain!

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[cafeinthemoon]

Where'd You Go

Chapter: 1/1

Wordcount: 1900+

Fandom: Naruto

Pairing: Madara Uchiha X reader

Symbols: 1️⃣ . 🖤

Warning (s): implied past abuse, dark memories, depression, arranged marriage

N. A.: This story is actually a draft, a remnant of my fic The Leaves of Her Garden. It was a part that I first planned to include after the wedding night chapter, but I ended up leaving it out of the final text because my vision on their relationship and what I wanted for them changed as the story was written. But I kept this text in my drafts anyway and as I was cleaning my files I re-read it and decided to use it as something new. It's not my favorite thing ever, but I thought it would be a waste to just delete it, so here it is 🥰

If only you had a friend, a loyal partner or a parent to look after you, to question where have you been or where’d you go, you could care more about what would happen to you once you stepped inside the Uchiha territory. Would you be treated well there? Would you have enough food? Would you be turned into a slave, forced to work for their head, to answer all his desires and extravagances? Or would you be made one of them, a warrior, maybe an ally?

If you had something – someone – to die for, you could care. But living alone for long enough has hardened your heart to any apprehensions of this kind. Instead you cared for yourself: you wouldn’t want your fate to be any of those things you’ve heard of while being carried to that strange land – but neither you wanted to go back to the place you were. Whatever that manner in which you’ve passed your last years there, you could barely call it a life. Any changes that could reach you now, if not welcome, would be interesting to witness at least.

Now those days when you would spent time questioning what would be made of you were long gone. You have already met Madara Uchiha, he has decided what you would be to him and to his pairs and that you would not leave his side so soon – he chose to keep you as his wife – so that you no longer had to worry. You were alive, and that was all.

Of course none of this were told to him, not even in the moments before he turned you his. You chose to keep silence about many things, and he decided to not question you about them: they were in your past now, too far from you to make a difference. If he wanted, he would have already take out from you any truth you intended to hide; you knew that and thanked him for choosing the more gentle way.

Everything was fast and simple, or this is how you understood it. You arrived and were cared by silent servants, then brought to his presence and informed about his decision by himself. You didn’t mind saying yes or anything of this sort; just knowing you would live was enough to bring peace to your mind. You thanked him and left, and you didn’t meet each other again until the ceremony.

You two were left alone at that wing of the house, through which he led you to the room you would call yours from that moment on. There were not much talking or questions from your part or his; both the sliding doors – the one that separated the room from the corridor and the one that led to the porch – were closed; everything was silent around those walls, and you would probably keep things like this. He came closer to take off your robe and started caressing you. He was not rude, despite knowing little about you, your experience or the lack of it. That made things easier. You then let him let him touch you. As you had him turning you his woman, you hid your face on the crook of his neck and buried your nails on his back to cease the physical strangeness that existed between you two, but as it passed, you felt yourself at ease. When it was over, you held him tight until he decided to release you.

You took his side on the futon and closed your eyes, not worrying if you would manage to sleep that night or not. With the protection of a roof over your head, it didn’t make a difference to you.

Later, still at night, you sensed his arms around you, pulling you closer as he wrapped you with his leg. Was he sleeping? You weren’t sure, but now you couldn’t sleep even if you wanted, for his embrace was smothering you. For the first time since you arrived there, you started to cry.

- What is it?

You startled when you heard his voice so close to your ear. The question was made in a whisper, but the silence in the room made it sound like a scream. Besides, you were careful not to sob or make any noise: you only allowed yourself to release tears. It was when you suddenly remembered that shinobi were light sleepers.

Without an immediate reply from you, he insisted.

- What's wrong? Are you feeling sick? – you sensed his hand sliding down your inner thigh – Does it hurt?

You could answer all those questions with a yes, but discussing what you were feeling was not your main concern at that moment.

- It's nothing, Madara-sama… I’m just tired.

He replied with a kiss on your hair.

- Sleep. Or you might have dark circles by the morning.

***

A few days later

You were resting at the house's garden after taking care of some domestic tasks you were allowed to perform. You were left alone with a black cat that somehow decided to appear every day to visit you. The birds would not approach the ground because of the cat, but a squirrel, braver than them, came closer to grab a nut that has fallen from a tree near you. The cat tried to follow it, but the squirrel is faster: he hid the nut inside his tiny mouth and fled, disappearing among the leaves of the high branches. You laughed as the cat came back to your side, frustrated.

You caressed the animal and started talking to it.

- If you were a person, do you know what kind of questions I'd make to you?

The cat looked at you with a pair of sleepy, green eyes and rolled around itself on the grass, waiting for you to continue.

- I would make all the questions I cannot make to the people I know. How so?, you say. The ones I do not make to them, not because I would be punished or something, but because they wouldn't understand. I mean, they would understand the question, but not what I want to find out with it. There are too many people like this here, you see. Sometimes, when Madara-sama is not here, I feel lonely.

Silence. You looked at the sky for a moment.

- For example, look at the maids who work here. One day, two of them were helping me with my tasks and the first said 'Oh, did you sleep well last night, y/n-sama?'. It was the morning after the wedding night, and all I wanted was to be left alone. I had many things to think about. I knew what they wanted to hear, but I didn't know what to say, and didn't want to talk. The second joined her and started to make questions, and my only choice was to run away. It was when I discovered this place. At least here they don't come.

The cat, as well as the garden around you, remained quiet.

- I could invent some fantastic story to satisfy their curiosity, but you know, I don't like this kind of thing – you shrugged – But the worst thing is that, even if I told them the truth, they would not understand. For example, imagine if they asked 'What do you think of Madara-sama?' and I replied 'Oh, Madara-sama is different from any men I've met before', it would be true, but they would put my words in a completely different context. They would think I'm telling that I've dated many people before, but Madara-sama is the best, but this is not what I'd want to say. It's not just about dating people. But it seems that they only understand things like this. They just look at the things and the circumstances, but not at the people, you know? – you sighed – It's so frustrating!

The cat rolled again and purred.

- This is way I don't try to explain anything to them. Would it work to try and say something if people wouldn't understand you? I don't think so. So I keep my mouth shut – you folded your knees and embraced them with your arms – But sometimes, I can't help wanting someone to talk to...

The cat stared at you as if it was making you an obvious question. You widened your eyes.

- Oh, talking to Madara-sama?! – you whispered in response – No, don't you ever suggest that! I wouldn't be so daring. I am not here for long enough to say such things in front of him. And I'm afraid I will never know him enough for this. It seems that he has some feelings that no one else has, and that his thoughts are only his. We can never know what he's thinking, but he always knows what's in our minds. I wonder if there's someone in this world who knows who he really is, what he is, besides himself – you leaned on the grass and reached the bat’s back, scratching over its dark fur – Have you ever been close to him? Have you ever looked into his eyes? I have. It's impossible to explain what I've seen in them. I only remember what I felt. It's like staring at a cliff and seeing deep waters in it, but you must not stare for too long, for you don't know what will come out from there. With men like him, you have no choice but to be careful. Still...

You smiled with yourself.

- Still... Part of me is not as afraid as it should be. I mean, it's true that Madara-sama didn't marry me for love, and we're not living a romance like those ones of the stories, but I think that somehow our story is better. Maybe what they tell us in the books doesn't even exist. And it's true that even when he was gentle I felt pain in our wedding night, and it was hard to fall asleep, but could it be different? It happened so fast, and I wasn't entirely prepared, but I couldn't tell him everything I was thinking. And yes, sometimes he does and says scary things, and many times I don't understand what he's trying to say and I just don't know what to expect. It's true that there are many things against me in this point, but this is how I feel. I think I like him. I can't say I love him, but I like the things I can see in him.

You raised your eyes to the sunset sky, to the rosy clouds above you.

- Maybe 'like' is not the most appropriate word, but is the best one I could find. Because when people say they 'like' someone, they never let it clear if they like how this person makes them feel, or if they like what they can see in the person they talk about. I wonder if such thing has happened to other girls as well. When they say they like a man, what do they mean? Certainly not the same as me. Because they don't have someone like Madara-sama with them. But when I say I like him, I'm saying that I like the few things I can understand about him, and that I'm willing to understand more, so that I can like him even more. And maybe one day, I will be able to say that I love him.

You felt your eyes burning.

- Madara-sama doesn't know how, but he saved my life. Maybe one day I will tell him the whole story. With him, I don't have the life I expected, but a life that's better than the one I would have if I was somewhere else. Any pain I feel while staying here is nothing compared to the pain I've had to endure before.

[wellimaginethat]

Pity Party: Chapter One

Pairing: Crockett Marcel x (female) Paramedic!Reader

Requested?: Nope! I just decided to write little birthday one shots to celebrate my birthday, lol

Word Count: 1922

Author’s Note: So this is one of my four birthday stories written due to my birthday having been last Wednesday. This one will be a short series because apparently I love writing little series when it’s Crockett, lol. Also, this is my attempt at a slow burn...usually I just jump right into it or something, but this time I am going to actually try to write a slow burn...let’s see how that goes, lol

Trigger Warning(s): Spending your birthday alone, being sad, drinking alcohol, slow burn

Disclaimer: I don’t owe nor am I affiliated with any of the Chicago shows, I just like to play with the characters

Summary: You were bummed to be spending your birthday alone, but your coworkers at the firehouse and your friends at med had different ideas, which leads you to celebrating your birthday at Molly’s and almost confronting your feelings for Crockett...

Y/N = Your Name

Tag list: Not tagging in the birthday ones because I don’t want to accidentally tag someone who doesn’t celebrate birthdays. However, if you do want to be tagged in the following parts of this series then do let me know and I will gladly tag you.

Every year as your birthday approached, you got incredibly excited only to be let down when you once again spent it alone.

You kept hoping your friends would ask if you wanted to go out for a drink to celebrate, or to grab pizza, or to just hang out. But every year, all you ever got was texts or simple posts on facebook, which you hardly went on anymore.

So this year you were going to try your hardest not to get excited and hopeful, because you didn’t want to go through the same thing you had for the last few years and you really wanted to avoid the birthday depression, as you called it, when you finally realized that all you would get would be texts. Now you were okay with not getting any gifts, you didn’t really care about that or about cards, you just wanted someone to at least act like they were happy you were another year older.

And it’s not like you hadn’t put effort into planning stuff for your own birthday. In the previous years you had asked a few friends to get drinks with you, to get pizza with you, to have dinner, the list goes on. They would always say something along the lines of ‘yeah sure’ and then either forget, make other plans, or cancel at the last minute. You could understand that sometimes life happens, but it was every year and you felt like you were putting more effort into your friendships than they were.

The last straw was when you saw the three of your closest friends hanging out without you, and you figured it was time to finally move on from your old high school clique.

So you fully intended to spend this birthday alone at your apartment.

So after your shift, you went home and changed into jeans and a nice shirt because if you were going to celebrate your birthday alone, you were going to at least look good while you did so.

You went to the counter and grabbed the pastry box that held the cupcake you had bought yourself and opened it, carefully pulling the cupcake out and setting it on the counter before ripping open the package of candles and placing one on the cupcake.

You searched for about twenty minutes before you finally found some matches to light your candle. You watched as the candle burnt for a few seconds before letting your eyes fall shut to make a wish. For someone to care. Before blowing out the candle.

You pulled the candle out and tossed it on the counter to the side and pulled the paper wrapping off of the cupcake and took a bite just as there was a knock at your door.

You set the cupcake down and headed to the door and looked through the peephole to see Crockett Marcel.

Curious, you opened the door with a raised brow. As soon as you had finished chewing and swallowing your cupcake, you tilted your head and finally asked, very confused. “What are you doing here?”

That seemed to catch him off guard. “Is that any way to greet a visitor?”

You frowned slightly, your turned to be caught off guard. “I’m sorry...I just...wasn’t expecting anyone…” You told him. “I wasn’t trying to be rude, and I’m still not, but the question still stands…”

“It’s your birthday.” Crockett stated simply, glancing over your shoulder into your apartment. “And you seem to be throwing yourself a pity party…”

“Yeah well it’s my pity party, so if you don’t mind I’m going to get back to it.” You told him. “You can come inside if you want.” You offered. “I don’t have another cupcake though…”

Crockett shook his head. “No, I came to get you.”

“Get me?” You asked, confused.

Crockett nodded. “Everyone’s waiting down at Molly’s for you.”

You were still confused and now you were frowning. “What for?”

“To celebrate your birthday.” Crockett told you like it should have been obvious. “We were going to surprise you, but when you didn’t show up, we decided someone should come get you.”

“And you drew the short straw?”

Crockett frowned at you. “No, I volunteered because I wanted to be the first to wish the sweet little paramedic a happy birthday.”

You tried to fight back the smile but couldn’t help it. “Well thanks.”

“Now get your shoes on and grab a coat, everyone’s waiting for the birthday girl.” Crockett smiled at you.

You slipped your shoes on and grabbed your coat and purse before locking up and walking with Crockett, he insisted you ride with him and you didn’t argue. He opened the door for you to get in his car, and then opened the door to the bar so you could walk in first, a complete gentleman and it made your little crush on him grow that much more.

“Hey, she’s here.” You heard your best friend Sylvie quickly whisper to everyone as you were walking in, and suddenly all eyes were on you.

“Happy birthday!” They all shouted and cheered.

You smiled wide, hardly able to believe that they actually cared enough to wish you a happy birthday. As you walked in more, you were given a few hugs and a few wished you a happy birthday again in softer voices.

“What will it be for the birthday girl?” Herrmann asked when you finally made it up to the bar.

You ordered your usual with a smile and a thank you.

He set it in front of you. “On the house. Happy birthday, kid.”

“Thank you.” You told him again, this time more meaningful as you picked up the drink, trying hard not to let emotions overwhelm you.

You did a good job at keeping the emotions at bay while you talked with your coworkers - no, friends - but soon enough it was getting to overwhelm you and you had to disappear. It was somewhat easy to do, just lie and say you had to use the bathroom and sneak out the back.

However, you were outside less than a minute when the backdoor opened and closed and none other than Crockett was walking towards you.

“You good?”

“I’m good.” You breathed out, your hot breath making little clouds as you nodded to him. “It’s just that I’ve never really had anyone really care about me. At least not enough to bother making me feel special on my birthday...and then with everyone in there, wishing me a happy birthday and making me feel...loved...it’s just a bit overwhelming.” You admitted, wrapping your arms around yourself to keep the cold out.

Crockett nodded as he leaned against the wall next to you. “That’s understandable.” The two of you were quiet for a moment. “You have people who care about you.”

“Yeah...I know.” You smiled, tears in your eyes. “It’s nice.”

Crockett smiled and nodded. “Especially me.”

You glanced at him for a moment, trying not to read too much into it, and gave him a small smile. “You’re a really good friend, Crockett.” You told him softly, assuming that’s what he meant, and then you had to look away before you said something you’d regret. “I’m glad you saved me from my pity party.” You felt the need to break the silence.

Crockett smirked a bit and nodded, looking straight ahead. “What’re friends for?”

Silence fell between the two of you again and you felt like it was a tense silence and couldn’t figure out why. The cold was starting to get to you, so you looked at him again. “I’m gonna head back inside.” You told him.

“That’s probably a good idea, it’s a little cold out here.” Crockett chuckled, pushing off the wall and heading to the door. He opened it for you and let you step inside first.

“Thank you.” You said softly as you stepped inside and headed back towards the bar where Sylvie was.

“Hey, where’d you go? I thought you ditched out.” Sylvie asked with a laugh.

“Oh I just needed some air.” You brushed it off with a smile, ordering another drink and picking up your conversation that the two of you were having before you had excused yourself earlier in the night.

Until Sylvie suddenly changed the subject. “So what do you think of Dr. Marcel?” She asked in what almost seemed like a suggestive tone.

You just about spit out your drink but were able to control yourself, you looked at her. “What do you mean?”

“I mean it seems like you might have a little crush on him.” She told you. “And he seems like he might like you back.”

You frowned a bit and shook your head. “No...we’re just friends.”

Sylvie snorts. “Yeah, okay.”

“We are.” You insisted.

“Okay okay.” Sylvie surrendered. “I just noticed how he looks at you and all.” She shrugged. “But you would know, so if you say you’re just friends then that’s what you are.”

You nodded. “Mhm…”

Across the bar, Crockett was having a very similar conversation with Natalie.

“So did you tell her?” Natalie asked in an excited yet hushed tone.

Crockett shook his head a bit as he sipped his bourbon. “There’s nothing to tell.”

“You’re saying you don’t like her?” Natalie asked, raising a brow, obviously not buying it.

“That’s not what I’m saying.” Crockett told her with a sigh.

“So then why didn’t you tell her?” Natalie asked, tilting her head slightly.

Crockett sighed again and glanced over your way before looking at Natalie. “Because in her eyes, we’re just friends, and...I’m okay with that.”

“You are?” Natalie asked, not understanding why he would be.

Crockett nodded. “I’d rather be just her friend than tell her the truth and make her uncomfortable and end up being nothing. I’m happy being her friend.”

Natalie nodded. “Oh...well then...okay.” She had thought you both had liked each other and that it would be all great. Now this was just a downer.

When the end of the night rolled around, you walked with Crockett to his car and he once again opened the door for you, causing you to smile. “Thank you.”

“Of course.” Crockett said softly with a smile.

“Tonight was amazing.” You were feeling the good effects of the drinks you had, making you happy and at ease. “It was by far the best birthday I’ve ever had.” You giggled. “I will forever remember my twenty-seventh birthday.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” Crockett told you, glancing over with a smile as you continued to talk about how wonderful your birthday had been.

When you arrived at your apartment complex, you quickly got out of the car. Crockett walked over to you and walked you up.

“You don’t have to walk me to my apartment.” You laughed softly before stumbling into him and laughing more. “Okay, maybe you do.”

“I don’t mind.” Crockett said softly as he walked with you, after the two of you were at your apartment he looked at you. “Are you gonna be okay?”

You hummed and nodded. “Yeah, I’m good.” You smiled at him and touched his cheek. “You’re such a good friend.”

Crockett smiled at you. “I’m glad we’re friends, Y/N.”

“Me too.” You agreed with a nod, even if you were currently fighting back the urge to kiss him.

“Goodnight, Y/N.” Crockett smiled at you and began walking down the hall as you went inside your apartment.

Part Two Coming Soon