#WHAT IF I KILLED YOUR DAD WITH POWERS I DIDNT UNDERSTAND AND WE FELL IN LOVE AFTER I RAISED YOU FROM THE DEAD. SHOW OF ALL TIME.

[gaygollum]

been rewatching pushing daisies (bad for me!) and my entire brain is just lee pace as ned the piemaker. i want this mans hand in marriage!!!

[convxction]

CYL Chrom lines!!!!! x & x

After ten years and they still refuse to use the Holy King lmao. At this point it would be weird to suddenly say holy king and not exalt. but anyway www krumb!!! this is most likely a version after the horse knight chrom hmm perhaps. because he does sound ..oldish and calm than ever. maybe.

yes. kill me softly mwahaha.....neesa ;;u;; man stop doubting yourself. had it not been the right path frederick and lissa would have bonked you already.

thats a good line because it shows that what he says about the armor taking effort and time and is the pride of ylisse and how comfortable he is in it. in jp he says he got used to it; it feels comfortable to wear so its just the usual.

覚悟はしている。 is basically chrom. always ready and prepared to accept what is to come. aaaa justice sobs. i think each armor got the iris flower somehow as the design on them if i am not mistaken sdldksgskljg chrom got even the butterfly design on his shoulder guard. not this chrom but the OG. 

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;u;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; time who bitch. that was your daughter bitch stop taking her thing. *sobs* suddenly shinzou sasageyo plays in the background lmao

do we tell him that ... there are not ONE fell dragon but ...*counts* four? ...gulps.

oh god... i think the english is so misleading AF.... why english why???

basically “acting like a king is stifling for me. I rather go on patrols (his nature to that/ feels comfortable). So, let me tag along with you for a while.

BITCH FROM ‘EW BEING KING IS MEH’ to ‘im comfortable being one of the boys’ bitch??????????? dunno if this is me but that vibe i got from the english line man. i thought he was doubt moment but didnt make sense with the next sentence??? it is weird phrasing tbh. let me know if this is just me

change fate baby~ 

god english makes chrom so ....the line literally point out how traumatized chrom seeing people DIE IN FRONT OF HIM! why ...’i will not let anyone else be lost’ wtf is this crap?

n a k a m a ~ his nakahomies are his power ;;u;;

i give you this english. you did good on expanding a little bit of chrom lines. just a little bit. still crying about krumb fayre embrum man was not ready to become a king and he was thrown into this. fate is a cruel baitch. JUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSITCE!!!!!!!!! looks at his dad. you missed on this man growing up to be a fine man smh. 

lays on the ground ... so much to say about this but it will be redundant. it was a slow realization moment for chrom what happened and what he is supposed to do. 

break dance and dabs. great lord. master lordo lmao. but yeah seems like this is his ...first time wearing ...it? dunno. unsure about this or he is referring to the ‘u train then u get to wear it’ anyway this is probably throwback to levelling up and getting a master seal mhm

trying to understand what this line do ... mmm ....funny. means summoner is op lmao. 

listen. listen. listen.

i dont blame him for saying this. the lucina they mention is the older one--he barely knows her dudes. she is her own person and he does not want to be imposing on her to ask of every little thing so cant say he noticed a lot of things in common between them on the spot.

it is funny that JP he breaks walls, in ENG he breaks training dummies

me: FUCKING BREAKING EVERYTHING BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! within reason. lol

this is one of the jokes i like but dont test me by overusing it otherwise i will hunt your ass. 

anyway, let chrom say sorry cowards.

*wearing my clown outfit* i commented that in english he didnt say emmeryn but it was there...they just didnt put it. wth intelsys? do you have this hidden agenda against best fire emblem girl? i will fight you. come at me. I THROW MY GUANTLET AT YOU. FIGHT ME COWARDS. FIGHT ME! I REQUEST A DEATH BATTLE! 

sigh. neesa... i know it is a culture thing but i always find it sweeter when chrom calls her neesa /big sis rather than just her name. anyway. sad feels.

work this lad to death. he would not mind. just dangle the word bond in front of him and watch him go.

im not gonna critique these because ...no i am going--i will always prefer sugita take on chrom being serious and not just ‘ehe coming thru~’ and ‘believe in me~’ OOOOOOOO i love mar merc dont get me wrong but ...they cheery tune he adds kind of...does not match with a man running with a sword and literally fighting for his life. like if it was inigo yeah i get it or owain or anyone else but not chrom. he is in battle mode and just wants this to be over with. uuughhh.... like. you can feel that there is an action being done in jp and eng he is just saying the words..u know..im sorry. i love eng at times but... u can never beat sugita-han. 

anyway. my ted talk is over. thanks for good food. i will look at these again and see what i can use for my krumb.

[thedyslexicbard]

Tears of Entropy: Chapter 1 -We cry

Here have some emotions a lil gender neutral pain train because I’m back

Tony stark x Child reader Gender neutral

Matserlist

Psst I made a part two here

Part 3 this way!

Tony sat in his lab videos of Y/N played taking their first steps in the snow, tony could hear the child’s laughter and aw. All he could do was watch again and again changing the VHS tapes of precious memories, manually rewinding them like a disgruntled blockbuster employee just so he can see that bright face and hear those precious giggles again.

Tony cooped himself up in his lab for a week, Pepper struggled to cope with the loss again but she had to stay strong for Tony but she couldn’t anymore. No one could. They all saw it, they all say how Y/N used the stones to wipe out Thanos and his army, they didn’t snap their fingers or do anything fancy. No, Y/N the master of slight of hand picked each stone off that gauntlet like a crow as they landed hit after hit on he purple giant

“STOP THEM!” Thors Cry echoed through the battlefield as he watched a swirling rainbow of power radiate from the teenager “if you don’t stop them soon Stark those stones will kill Them, or worse corrupt their mind” Tony lunged for his kid “Y/N please we can do this together”

“You don’t understand Dad” Y/N turned to face tony power radiated off of them the infinity stones gravitated around as if they were a planet “i have to do this! I have to save everyone!”

“You dont! You dont owe anyone here Y/N your just a kid just give me the…-” before tony could finish Y/N leaped into the air the power of the stones keeping them airborne, they looked back down at their father a single tear dropped down

“I’m sorry” Y/N plummeted back to the ground power rippled across the battlefield wiping out anyone remotely connected to Thanos and his army

“You foolish mortal, you can defeat my army but you-” Thanos began laughing as he watched his army faded into nothing “- you truly think that you could defeats me?” The titan laughs faded as Y/N rose from the creator they created “oh that? That was just for your army. Now this… this is for you dick ward” Y/N Smirked running for Thanos, the titan mirrored the cocky grin until Y/N jumped up in front of the titan contouring their body enough to hold Thanos in a body locking hold that their Auntie Nat would be proud of “you see, I decided if I’m using these stones to take you out i might as well do it in style” Y/N constricted their legs round the titans neck a bit harder as they watched the titan struggle for breath

“STARK! The stones ! Hurry” Thor bellowed again panic setting in as he saw the stones power corrupt his friend but it was to late whatever shred of humanity Y/N held onto left as the snapped the titans neck. The crack echoed everyone heard it. Y/N stood up looking to the sky they willed the rain to cool them down as the stones fell to the ground, no one saw the hex work its way into Y/N mind as they picked up a shard of metal and plunged it into their beating heart, no one could stop Tony stark from crying out as he watched his child plunge that metal into their body. No one could do anything but watch, tired eyes fell to the ground, heads dropped in mourning as nothing could be done.

“Y/N don’t leave me again please” tony spoke cradling his kids head, blood pooled out their mouth as they choked on the words “i had no control, I’m sor…” blood dribbled out and glass replaced the life behind Y/N eyes.

“Y/N… Y/N wake up, please…” Tony’s voice cracked as he held their body. The avengers didnt know what to do, they just watched, Scott was the first to walk over to the billionaire. Scott new the pain tony would be feeling he stalked over dropping to his knees and wrapping his arms around Tony “Scott, what do i do?”

“I dont know, but we can start by making sure they go home” the Ant-man continued to embrace tony as each avenger came over to help, Bucky decided to scoop up Y/N bridal style in his arms, Thor took his cape off and threw it over Y/N as they passed by the avengers trailed after them.

Tony couldn’t cope he wanted to figure out what happened, he wanted to watch back every piece of footage he had of that battle of why Y/N had to use the stones why they had to plunge that metal shard into their heart. He continued to watch the tapes completely numb to any emotion.

“How do I do it kid…. How do i stop the heart break?” Tony spoke into the lab.

“Remember what you said to me when i fell of my bike?”

“Well yeah, ‘you get up, you look at your boo boo’s and ouchies and see progress, you just gotta keep going’ i was so stupid”

“Well it worked i got up and i learned to ride my bike”

“But that doesn’t stop the pain in my heart what do i do?”

“You cry” and so tony finally did that, he cried hot tears spilled from his eyes he finally cried Pepper finally came down to the lab and cried with him so did Rhodey and Happy and the rest of the avengers they cried.

Psst I made a part two here

Part 3

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket,Se03, Ep 9 (part 1)

“ppl & feelings can’t be bound down”~

What an ep for my girl tohru! She completed her growth thanks to kyo’s rejection. really, It was so hard, cruel, understandable but above all so necessary for her to reach a logical realistic conclusion that “I can love/want things from the bottom of my heart, but at the end I can’t force or bound them to me, I won’t regret loving/wanting them, but I’ll move forward regardless, no more standing still”.

-The fear of being alone:

Aren’t we all? We’re scared to face the word after breaking bonds, changing, not getting what we want, having to start over. Such feelings run deeper into us all. Both tohru & akito were scared to face the word without the old comfortable bond that they got used to:

Tohru realized today, that she cant keep talking to a cold photo, can’t live according to her mom’s expectations, to fulfill her mom’s wishes, can’t narrate her daily life to her mom & fill her life with other ppl’s own issues to distract her self from facing her own loneliness & from looking deeper into what should she do with her life. As she fell in love with kyo, tohru started talking to him! forgetting to inform her mom abt her life’s details, thinking abt what will she do “after graduation?”. As kyo asked in se02, ep2. Graduating highschool is ur mom’s wish, What would u wanna do after?” Tohru didnt have a response of “an after”cuz her mom wasnt there to tell her! Tohru has to choose “the after” herself!!!! “The after” was being with kyo & starting life together! figuring what to do next together! She no longer alone! she found her most precious person!

Except: he cant be with her. Again tohru is scared. What to do now! she wanted a bond but is forced to leave it. Loving kyo was stage 1 to be free from her grief. Moving forward without kyo is stage 2 to learn not to repeat the painful journey again! She didnt let go of her mom & kyo easily. It was hard, scary but she must do it. You must respect their wishes & move on. As scared as she is, there will be sadness & happiness ahead.

Akito realized she cant keep an empty box, cant keep fulfilling her dad’s wishes to “be loved & special” cant bound the zodiacs to her for good. They may love her or not, it doesn't matter, if they wish to leave for whatever reason, she cant force them to stay.

Except now that the zodiacs are leaving, what does she have to live for? who will be with her? she isnt good with strangers? she never met anyone who wasnt forced to obey her & be grateful for her. Strangers cant be forced to love her! what will she do now? stretch you hand for a greeting. Tohru told her, make a friend, they might refuse you, but hey might accept u too, I’ll make it easy, Hi, I;m tohru, whats ur name?

The power of true love: ( reality vs fiction)

In fairy tales, the princess fix the prince. the prince save the princess. The prince kiss the princess, she wakes up & they be happy ever after. Except real life has no prince & princess, You cant always be saved, you cant always save others, pure intense true love cant always be the answer!

Yuki was first when tohru needed physical saving. he saved her twice! Yuki’s nickname in school ”the prince”. Yuki is always cool, thoughtful & kind. Yuki always knew what to say & do! he deserves tohru’s romantic love more than kyo, right? But “ppl & feelings can’t be bound down”~ . Yuki didn't feel this way towards tohru, granted no one (excepts kakeru) knows the reason why he loves her fondly (she’s his mom figure). The official” prince isnt the one for her. Real life isn’t a fairy tale. Yuki has someone who sees he isn’t cool, perfect or a prince “ granted no one knows abt machi, yet! ) XD

In tohru monologue: she didnt think abt saving, that's not why she loves kyo. She stated normal, silly, mundane things! a shy smile, awkward kindness & the likes. Stuff ppl love abt each other in real life. You dont say, I love my husband cuz he saved me from a burning building in the 7th floor! lol. But fiction is so full of this. Princes saving princesses.

Tohru didnt fix kyo, too! as much as her love helped him greatly to find hope, the best writing choice is that tohru’s love also brought despair to kyo! To him, she’s the symbol of hope, peace & comfort! she’s also, the symbol of despair, torment & unease! EPIC! The kyo who’s stuck in the past cant be with her, the kyo who will move beyond trauma, abuse & broken soul will be with her. The duality is all on kyo’s shoulder: what will he choose? Can he choose in his state now?

In fairy tales the princess wakes up after the kiss. In real life, we don't. Tohru didn’t. Regardless if she fainted during or after the kiss. The kiss fixed nothing. Kyo’s despair in seeing near-dead tohru in a not-so-subtle mimic to his nightmare, has manifested itself into the sweetest kiss upon seeing her conscious & talking. Kyo isnt good with words, his actions are his words. When he’s scared, sad, in trauma: running away. when he’s  fond of her, grateful for her existence: head knock, head pats, hand holding & a kiss. Still the kiss fixed nothing. Kyo is still traumatized more than ever now. Tohru still feels rejected “even if I’m not with you, plz live”.

Talking fixes everything. It didn’t here, kyo & tohru talked & showed their most vulnerable side to the other, but still didn’t meet half ways, regardless of all the love. That’s cuz they keep missing each other’s best timing. Kyo is stuck in the past while tohru has moved forward. even if in her mind she’s the one who stood & he moved. this shows they aren’t on the same wave yet. Before meeting each other again, kyo must learn from his mistake like tohru did. He must face his ultimate demon: his dad. The one who created the current broken kyo.

Rebelling against parents: ( sign of growth & freedom of choice):

Rebelling against parents  is a sign of a desire to choose one’s path, decide one’s own future. Away to express an oppressed desire.

Yuki rebelled against his mom in se02. he told her I’m not going to the college you chose. I’ll chose my path. I’m not staying away from Ayame. My bro is good in my book. I chose who I want to be with. He told her what he needed, turned his back & moved forward.

Tohru rebelled against her mom today. told her I’m not wasting myself doing only what you I think you’ll approve off. You might bot forhet kyo, thats ur choice, But I DO. I love him even if you might not approve of him, Even if he rejected me, my feelings wont change, but I’ll move forward from the grief & pain. mother. She told her what he needed, turned his back & moved forward.

Kyo WILL rebelled against his disgusting dad. He MUST. It is his turn now. He’ll tell him I’m not wasting myself being locked in a cage. I have a future! I’m not a monster. I am LOVED! I might not 100% sure why I’m loved, but the truth cant be hidden. I have ppl who love me! cheer for me! I want to live! enough of death! mom & kyoko died, tohru nearly did, but I’m not gonna die! I’m not killing ME! I’‘ll do what MOM didnt do! I’ll do what YOU couldn't do! I’ll live! He’ll tell him what he needed, turned his back & moved forward.  I cant wait! I’m in tears just thinking abt it! Kyo was punished enough! time for happiness!

Side Notes:

While I’m impressed with tohru’s growth, as they did her justice in this ep, this doesn’t erase that the buildup for tohru’s own journey & trauma was mediocre. There is a reason ppl commented ” omg tohru, you can love your mom AND kyo!. ” Grief is illogical, long process & it sucks that we weren’t allowed to experience tohru’s grief & her mom’s role in tohru’s abandonment issues. Huge lost opportunity that a good conclusion ep cant erase! but like tohru, I’m moving on ~

The path of growth for kyo will start by rejecting the demon: his dad. No. other. option. Hold abusers accountable for their crimes. Stop their madness. Tell them off.

We know kyo is baka! that’s his trade mark, the endearing baka! a lot of characters in the show think so! I love it, but I’m craving baka-yuki! XD! really, yuki is cool, level-headed & smart, but let him be baka too! this only shows up in tiny microscopic doses, but they’re my fave doses of yuki! it humanizes the “perfect prince”, the “gifted high status rat”! Thus him not seeing kyo running the other side, is my fave look on him! XD.

I appreciate that kyo & yuki put their differences aside when they’re with tohru. You cant tell yuki is hella pissed off with kyo, but he restrained himself. His gaze while full of anger is also full of sympathy as he heard/saw kyo’s panic upon the thought of loosing tohru. He understand they both only mean the best for each other, but also tried they both keep missing each other & not meeting half way! Also, yuki being the only one in the hospital is realistic & endearing. No need for them all to be there & yuki lives with her & is so close to her.

kyo not being the hospital is fantastic! thank you writer-San! why would kyo go to the hospital after thinking his nightmare came true? kyoko /his mom warned him, you’ll hurt another person.. he did.. he didn't cause her fall... but caused her sadness & hurt.

Momiji’s reprimanding gaze is my fave look on him! Also, the best response to what akito did. Akito isnt used to such judgemental gaze. Kureno grabbed her cheeks, gently told her you shouldn't do that, the old maid told her you are right, Dr. Hatori erased her mistakes from ppl heads & bodies, shigure being either cold or kissing her ass, coxing her to yet torment another zodiac in his grand scheme to break the curse as happened in the beach arc.

You bet hana & arisa will be there next ep! Arisa will meet kureno & akito for sure. To path the way for their romance as seen in the ED.

Shigure’s “remorse” is a whole can of worms. Playing with ppl’s hearts & feelings to gain someone’s affection is no laughing matter. Each time blood is shed, he contributed somehow. he didnt force anyone to hurt the other, but he played with matches & never got hurt.

Shigure must be glad akito stabbed kureno. Not cuz he’s sadistic or bad person. He isn’t, but cuz akito stabbing kureno is akito cutting her bond with him. Go shigure, your girl removed her lover with blood. Kureno is punished for sleeping with ur girl by blood! so, when is ur punishment for sleeping with ur lover’s mom? none? ok.

The animation is good. They didnt villinize akito by drawing extra manic features like se02. Kyo’s broken & tormented face once again epicly drawn. However, akito’s slaps on tohru’s face were comedic, unnecessary & such bad taste! Stop using violence for extra drama, furuba!

Also, tohru, I love you, I understand you are broken but charging at a person, who has a history of violence & physical abuse & holding a knife, is stupid. No other description. I’m glad she didnt accidentally kill you in her initial rage.

Everything akito’s redemption, kureno & shigure are part 2 in my review.

[emperornero]

Hey, I was just reading your post about Nero and I’m not attacking you at all. I respect your thoughts on him and I also think there’s so much propaganda but honestly most of the things about Agrippina the younger was also propaganda. Women were slandered so easily back then. Agrippina managed to gain so much power, that male historians hated it and wrote her as a cruel person. She didn’t so anything with Nero, those are cruel rumours made against her. I’m currently studying classics and tbh, it’s all bs the they write about Agrippina because sadly they hated seeing women in power. Nero murdered his mother because he believed she was getting too powerful, and he was scared she was gonna plot against him, ( which wasn’t proven). All I’m saying is Agrippina is slandered way too much when all she was doing was getting power since she wanted to stay at the top, she knew if she fell from power she would die. She watched her mom and dad, and two elder brothers both get murdered. So obviously she doesn’t want anytime to rule over her since she didn’t want to get killed. I’m sorry if I sound rude, I’m not trying to attack you at all, I just hate how women are slandered so easily

i understand your perspective. we can never be sure if the things we currebtly know about historical figures who lived 2000 years ago are true or just simply lies made up to slander them.

i know how roman women didnt have the same priviledges and political power as men did, and its sad to know that when some of them did actually have influence over politics they would get insulted and lied about. being a women in the ancient times was hard, especially in patriarchal rome.

i feel bad for the things that happened both to agrippina and nero. she had a hard life and once she was able to return to rome she finally wanted to gain some control over her life. become someone important. and she succeded by making nero the next emperor. she was smart, the whole plan that made this possible was very complicated and she was still able to do it. first marrying claudius, then making nero officially his adopted son, making nero legally an adult at a younger age to make sure he would be the first option to pick from in case of claudius' death, forcing him to marry octavia in order to secure his political position, and then if we were to believe the rumors - poisoning claudius and finally letting her son become the emperor. of course claudius couldve just. died. you know he was old and had health problems. but the idea of agrippina poisoning him became a well known idea.

at the same time i feel so bad for nero who had to go through this. during his early childhood he didnt even know what does his mother look like since she was exiled. his father died when he was like 1 year old. he lived with his aunt. and later agrippina came back, and used him in order to gain political power. he was a tool. everything that had happened during the period from being adopted by claudius to becoming emperor - he was still a minor. a child. a teenager. forced to first become an "adult", later the emperor of rome. i know during the early years of his reign it was mostly agrippina burrus and seneca who took care of politics since nero was too young, but that must have been still a lot for him to handle. i am currently 16 and i couldnt imagine being a political figure, left alone the emperor of such a big empire. it would be so scary. nero had interests too. he wasnt just a dumb kid for agrippina to use. he wanted to become an artist. but because of his mother's ambitions he had to obey her and didnt pursue his dreams until agrippina was dead.

sorry if this sounds weird just doesnt make sense to some of you. just my thoughts about these historical figures. im not gonna go through this again and correct grammar mistakes so if you see any just ignore them, i might come back to this post later

[rowletthefalseking]

↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹ Trouble Beyond Life - A Troublemaker ghost AU by Me ↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹

Luz has had bad days before.

There was that time she got shrunk by King with her friends and nearly eaten alive,

There was that time she got expelled from Hexside and nearly killed by Amity's parents when she made a deal to get her and her friends back in,

Hell there was that time she thought she lost her mentor for good,

And there was that time she faced off against Emporer Belos and destroyed her only way home to save said mentor from petrification and found out she lost her magic forever.

But none of those days, could top today.

None of those days came close to today.

It started normally enough, Luz met up with Amity Gus and Willow at the beginning of the day, talked for a while, went to class, got picked on for the entire period she had potions class by Boscha, had lunch, and finished the rest of her classes without a problem. Luz packed up her things when the bell screamed and waited by the exit for Eda to come pick her up.

She waited a while but there was no sign of her mentor, which made Luz frown but wasn't that too unusual. She was probably just out doing another odd job for money or something.

So that probably meant Luz had some time to do something before going back to the Owl House, maybe she could get her friends if they were available.

Which she soon found out were not.

When she had asked Willow and Gus said they both had things to do back home with their parents. Kind of a bummer but understandable. She had tried asking Amity but she was busy too. Luz frowned, well that's alright. She didn't have to do anything... or maybe some of her other friends were available? She hadn't seen the troublemakers in a while so maybe she could spend some time with them! Yeah, that sounded like a good idea!

In hindsight it probably wasn't. Maybe if they hadn't been up to leave and maybe just spent time in the secret room of shortcuts none of this would've happened.

But they didn't, and as Luz asked her older friends they said they were happily down to spend some time with the younger multi-track girl. Luz was happy to get to spend some time with people, maybe even get to explore the market around Bonesborough a little more, it seemed like there were new shops set up there everyday, maybe there were. Luz would think about that later, she was in the middle of a conversation with Viney and Jerbo when a growl could be heard from Barcus, confused, Luz looked up and around the area. Ah great, Coven guards were approaching... wait, Coven guards? Luz and Eda weren't wanted anymore, what did they need with them now? Luz didn't have time to think before she got yanked up by the arm by one of the bigger guards around. Luz heard some shouts, and barks of protest arise from the other troublemakers as they were also picked up. This wasn't good. Luz didn't have any glyphs on her at the moment so the best she could do was thrash in the grasp of the coven guards, she had to help her friends out! The guards looked over their hexside uniforms with a small nod. "Yup, these look like the ones we were sent out for. Let's get going." Luz tried thrashing again but the guards were too big to really faze them. The troublemakers were thrown in the back of a carriage and were brought on their way to the conformatorium. Luz grunted and looked around, looking for any signs to help them escape, but it looked hopeless at the point. "I'm so sorry guys... eugh this is all my fault! If only I hadn't dragged you out here with me, I-" "Luz" Viney cut the younger girl off. "This isn't your fault, I don't know why these guys want us yet but this isn't your fault." She reassured her, but it didn't do much to cheer the girl up. She glanced at the petrification statues through the bars on the side of the carriage, she frowned as it reminded her of the day Eda almost got petrified. Luz was glad she was able to free her but no matter how many times the witch told her it wasn't her fault she always blamed herself for the situation. What did perk her up was a new plaque being moved out away from the others to somewhere different, it didn't have any names in it, but it still brought a bad feeling to the human girl. She looked ahead as the carriage was stopped as they entered the conformatorium. The troublemakers were cuffed and brought out.

What Luz didn't expect to see next was Belos himself. The Emporer was known to rarely leave the castle. But he had come out personally to deal with them, that wasn't a good sign. Luz grunted as the four were brought kneeling on the ground in front of him, plenty of guards stationed around just to make it even more clear they had no choice of escaping, "Ah Luz the human, I didn't expect to see you here again so soon, but I had gotten word that you and your friends here were mixing magic. We get plenty of witches like that but you faced me before, which you know, and scammed me out of a deal, which I have yet to punish you for. But now you're all here again! And I can saddle you with the punishment you deserve for your actions. You know you cheated me out of a petrification once before, however now I doubt you can do it again." He turned to face Kikimora, who Luz was unaware was standing right next to him. "Prepare the machine, this will certainly be interesting." The emporer's words dripped with malice, Luz could tell from his voice that he was probably grinning behind that stupid mask of his. "Oh and one more thing," The Emporer started as he turned to face them again. "Names, all of you. I know your first name well enough human but we need a full name to go on the plaque of the base for your soon to be statues. You'll never be remembered if you don't have a full name, do you?" Luz glared at the emporer from her spot on the floor. Well she never made it official but she hoped it would make Eda damn proud if she ever found out and saw her again. "Luz Noceda-Clawthorne" that was how she responded. She watched Belos's form turn to the others who sat beside and behind her. They stated their names and Belos turned away from them. "Enjoy your last moments of life, they're sure to be ending soon. Guards, bring them out." Luz yelped as she was roughly grabbed by an arm again as the four were dragged and brought out to the chambers where the huge machine lay. They were uncuffed and all stood together as the machine started up. Well this was it, the last moments of her life. Probably would've been better if she hadn't had to drag her friends along with her one last damn time. She'd never forgive herself for that, she decided, never throughout the eternity of the afterlife she would now share with them. "I'm sorry guys" Luz said, a loose shaky sigh escaped her with the words she spoke. "This looks like the last time I'll ever screw you over." A weak laugh sounded beside her as the troublemakers all found themselves in a big group hug. "At least we're all going out as troublemakers, and all together." Viney spoke in her shaking voice. "Wouldn't want it any other way.... I just really hope Puddles is alright, my dad will probably keep taking care of her." The four smiled as they found themselves in the warm embrace of their company for the last time. The machine finished starting and the beam hit them as stone began painfully creeping up their bodies, it took Luz all she could not to scream, she didnt want to go out looking in pain, at least she got to enjoy her final moments with her friends as the petrification finally finished.

Well they were ghosts now, Luz could tell that much. They had to slowly watch as their group statue was put on a base and was being brought out of the Conformatorium as another carriage was being brought in. Luz could assume Belos would want to put the statue of the only person to ever face against and live somewhere in his castle. Probably to feed his massive ego, she could assume. At least in the afterlife she was with the other troublemakers, it probably had something to do to the fact they were all petrified together. The statue was put up on the side of a hallway in the emporer's castle, and Luz swore she caught a look at Belos staring directly at her when it was done, could he see them? It would make sense, to Luz at least, the Emporer was the most powerful witch alive, it would make sense if he could see ghosts. However it did beg the question, could anybody else see them? Luz didn't think too much about it. She wandered the halls of the castle, well floated, and watched some guards passing by, one of them looked kind of shocked to see her. Well that answered her question. But none of the others they were with saw the ghosts. Which made Luz think again, if only select witches could see them, who would? She kind of doubted anyone close to them could see them now, which was kind of a bummer, but Luz kept moving forward. She strayed further away from the other troublemakers which began to pull them towards her, maybe some kind of after death bond thing? Whatever she'd figure that one out later. Luz stumbled upon a room she had never seen before and phased through the door, earning a yelp from someone in the room, and her eyes widened. It was Hunter! The golden guard wasn't in uniform at the moment but Luz knew him from the night of palisman day. His eyes stared directly at her as the girl blinked. "Hunter? Wait you can see me right now? Can you hear me right now?" Which earned her a nod from the older boy. "Well who else do you think CAN see me right now? Er us..." she added a bit quietly. Hunter looked to be in thought for a moment. "I'd assume Belos, probably Kikimora, maybe a guard or two." An uncomfortable moment of silence fell between the two before Hunter spoke again. "So is it true? Are you really.... dead.... right now?" Luz shifted uncomfortably and nodded "Me and the troublemakers got petrified. It was only a matter of time right?" Luz joked with a strained grin on her face. Hunter spoke up again, a bit quietly "I'm.... so sorry Luz.... I'm not lying when I say I have alot of questions but I can't talk right now. I have a mission to be on." He said the last bit hurriedly as he rushed to put on his uniform. "Follow me if you want, I doubt anyone will be able to see you anyway." Luz nodded and followed the boy out of the room, out of the hall with a few questions from the other ghosts, which she quickly answered, and soon out of the castle. Luz looked around and tried to move more towards Bonesborough but she found that she and the other ghosts couldn't move too far away from the Golden Guard while they were out of the castle. Luz took one last look at the direction of the Owl House. She'd be back one way or another.... she promised.

↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹↹

AND THATS A WRAP FOR THE FIRST PART OF THIS STORY!!! Thank you to everyone who decided to stick around thus far. I enjoyed writing this! I'll try to get more parts of this story out soon, and thank you to everyone from the TOH community discord server for the idea of the troublemakers getting petrified in the first place! Wouldn't have made this AU without it lmao. Byeeeeee!

[karsonisnot]

Alright, so imma try just straight text posting the chapters to my tumblr as well, seeming as it seems to work for other people, however i will leave a copy of the link on here so u guys can show some love there if u like.

https://my.w.tt/KeEgwDgCpbb

MiKayla meets Chloe and Belle for the first time after being seperated from the rest of the world almost all her life. Mikayla all of a sudden finds herself back in the old world when they explain everything that has been going on, with one goal. To take down it all.

*DISCLAIMERS*

This is not about the dream smp member, this is a time where they have grown up and had kids, which is told from their perseptive.

This was written in a time where all these people were alive story wise, so fuck it, they all lived to have kids. No, i will not be explaining where the kids come from, but they are related to their respective parent. Im just too lazy to explain it

And in this, TOMMY AND TUBBO ARE JUST FRIENDS. Stop shipping 16 year olds together, and get your life together.

Chapter one: running and hiding

Everything had been diffrent for awhile. Not that anything about chloe's life was normal to begin with, but alot was changing. Her and her family was forced into hiding a long time ago, before the first retakeover happened before she was even born.

   She had been told what had happened countless times, so many it was almost like she lived it. The manburg second rise to power. When her dad stuck around. That was, till Niki got killed in the crossfire of the war. That was when her dad grabbed his best friend and booked it, and ran so far away they would never be found, and built themselves a world out here

  She was broken from her thoughts by a chicken in her room. She didnt really think much of it till she realized there was a chicken in her room

  "What the fu-"

  "NO, GET BACK HERE"

  Her dad ran full force into the room, bewilidered.

  "THERE YOU ARE" He screamed, throwing himself at the chicken, who just dodgedhis attack.

   She fell backwards out of the way, her blond hair blocking anything that happened, until she threw it back into place and saw her dad. On the floor. With a chicken trying to eat his hair.

   She sat there and watched as her dad fought with the chicken over who owned his hair. Eventually he managed to get up and grab the chicken before it could try and flee again.

  He looked at her, and she couldnt hold back her laughter anymore. His hair was an absoulte mess and he looked like he was in extreame disstress.

  "What's so funny, what, do you wanna wrestle a fuckin chicken?" He said, shoving the chicken in her face, just causing it to go more crazy.

  "NO NO NO, I will not be fighting any chicken, thank you, please put the weapon down." She said, swatting it away.

  "Well maybe next time don't get a chicken in your room."

  "Well maybe next time dont let a chicken loose from the pin with the front door open."

  They both heard a muffled laugh come from the hallway, and saw Belle standing there. Her black hair in way better condition then either of theirs.

  "Well, she is right Tommy." She remarked, trying to look innocent.

  At that, Tommy stormed off mumbling profanities at the chicken, and went outside to put it back in its pin.

   Belle walked in and went to the window ledge, after a couple of seconds, Chloe joined her.

   "How are you this morning?"chloe said after watching her dad dump the chicken in the pin.

  "Eh, im pretty good, espically after watching that. You?"

  "Im pretty okay."

  Belle looked over at her, and saw her looking out into the forest.

  "Your thinking about going out there again, arent you?"

  "I mean, maybe."

   Belle looked at her, with a mix of emotion, mainly concern.

  "Come on man, you know thay area is off limits. We cant go out there."

  "I mean, why not? We've done it before, nothing bad ever happened, I dont understand the pararnioa around a wooded area!" Chloe said, defensively.

   Belle looked out at the scenery. The trees going over the feilds, the lake about a half mile out, not a single other thing in sight. Ever.

  "I mean, we always use to go out there at night" Chole began. "We would go out there with nothing but lanterns and we would run around, just not caring  about anything. We would play by the lake, we would talk about whatever came to mind, we would bring swords put there and practice on trees, we would do anything, and nothing would ever happen."

   Belle sighed. She was right, but they stopped going years ago to keep both their dads sane. They were paranoid about manburg or "worse" finding them. Whatever worse meant.

  "Hey, have you two seen Tommy?" A voice said from behind.

  They both turned around to find Tubbo at the doorway, looking worried.

  "He was suppose to come in after taking care of the chicken."

   He walked up to the window, and they all three started started scanning the area, to find no Tommy, anywhere.

  "Where could he have g-"

   He was cut off short by seeing Tommy run up the hill, clearly in panic.

   Tubbo ran out to the hallway just to meet Tommy in the middle.

  "Get the kids out if here. Now!" Tommy said, scrambling to his gear.

  "What, why, what goin-"

  "I DONT HAVE TIME TO EXPLAIN, THEIR HERE TUBBO, GET THEM OUT, NOW!"

   Tubbo instantly turned around and met the two girls in the hallway.

  "Okay girls, with me, and hurry." He said, alreadly on his way to the back of the house

   They followed as quickly as they could, extreamly concerned and confused. Tubbo, after a little seaching, found a loose floorboard and lifted it up, inside was a backpack.

  "Okay, Chloe, take this, and grab your weapons on the way out the back, and run. Run far away from here."

  "What, why, whats going on?!" Belle said, clearly about to break down.

  "Look, keeping it short, manburg forces found this area. Just keep running North, and when we can, me and Tommy will find you, but for right now, we need to hold our ground, or risk everything in this house."

  "Wait, why not just leave too?!" Chloe said, dumbfounded they even thought of staying.

  "Because, there are things in this house we cant risk them getting, now leave please, before you cant!"

   Chloe grabbed Belle by the arm and started walking the direction of the back door.

  "WAIT!" Belle yelled, forcing chloe to let go.

   Belle ran up to her dad, and hugged him, tears starting to stream.

  "I love you dad." She said, grip tighting.

  "I love you too, honey bee, now go, Ill be there soon."

   She let go and ran back to chloe, and grabbed her sword and bow. Chloe took her axe and took for the back door with Belle.

  "BE GOOD TO HER CHLOE" she heard Tubbo yell before the door fully shut.

   They both took down the hill as fast they could. And ran for the forest. When they were finally there, they stopped for a second to take things in.

   First mistake made that night.

  "WHO'S OVER THERE!" They heard a man say, right before turning and being met with a crossbow

   Chloe grabbed Belle and took off in the opposite direction, not knowing if she was going the right way.

  "GET THEM!"

  Chloe cursed under her breath and looked at Belle, who was now running right next to her. They both knew what to do. They were taught in this circumstance, move in a difficult way.

   Bella all if a sudden split off, and Chloe, hoping they wernt near, grabbed on to a tree and climbed into the leaves.

  Guess sneaking out did pay off in the end.

  Only about two minute later, she saw people move underneath.

  "Where did they go?" A woman said.

  "Dont know, but they cant have gone far." A male voice spoke out.

   Chloe stayed still, trying to not make them look up, because if she did, her khaki colored jeans and red jacket wouldnt blend in the best.

  Chloe looked around and saw something else in the trees. After a few seconds, Belles face appeared through the leaves, making direct eye contact with her. They both did there best to communicate with their eyes, but it wasnt going to work wothout their hands being able to move.

  "What do we do, sir?" The female said, speaking up.

  "Split up, their teens, they cant do anything to us, so split up and find their hiding spot."

  They heard movement happen below them, and after a while of not hearing them, they jumped down.

  Chloe, pointed in a direction, next to asking if they should go that way with her face. Belle proceeded to do neck swipey thingy with her hand and pointed the other direction. Chloe nodded, not wanting to argue silently with her.

  They both went in that direction, weapins in hand, waiting for something to happen. But nothing ever did. And they eventually put away the weapons and started talking

  "Do you know where the fuck we're going?" Chloe asked, clearly done with all of this.

  "Nope, not a clue."

  "Oh great, this is gonna go extreamly well."

   They went on for hours. And hours. And hours. Till eventually they needed to stop. They came upon this rocky cliff and decided to sit there, and rest for a short while.

  "I cant fucking beilive this, i thought we were safe from all of that shit." Chloe said, sitting down next to belle.

  "I really dont know why."

  Belle sat there and thought, letting her mind wonder on what just happened and what could have possibly happened. Their parents could have fended them off, saved the day, and be on their way here right now. But, on the oppsite side, what if they lost. What if they were taken in. Or worse, what if they were de-

  "What's that." Chloe said, breaking her thought trail.

  Clhoe was pointing at the rock, and after an embarrsing amount of seconds, Belle found it. It was

  "A button."

  Chloe got up at the mention of anything clickable, and walked towards it. Belle knew what was about to happen.

  "Uh, maybe dont press the mys-"

  Too late.

  All of a sudden, a part of the wall started opening and Belle got up in response. She turned to see a giant hole being made into a cavern. A lit cavern.

  "Holy shit." Chloe said, stunned.

  "Sho- should we really go in there?" Belle said, clearly scared if whats inside.

  "Oh come on, stop being a pussy. After all, our lives could be ruined, why not risk it"

  Chloe took a soild pace towards the entrace, Belle scrambling to catch up, not wanting to be left behind. When they got inside, the doors shut alot faster then it could open. But before they could even blink, they heard a voice.

"Dad, is that you?"

[kaneshiroflms]

Endgame things and thoughts

Nebula and Tony hanging out was so adorable they have my heart :<

Carol singlehandingly bringing a wholeass ship back to earth ?ugh her mind

Thanos just chilling and cooking and Carol just fucking going for him is poetic cinema

Thor saying “I went for the head”

5 FUCKINF YEARS?!

Scott being saved by a rat? Iconic.

Scott panicking when looking for Cassie’s name then seeing her all grown up and ok was heartbreaking specially knowing he didn’t get to see her grow up

Scott giving all he could to get the others back and trying his best not to breakdown when mentioning Hope

“She’s my.. she was my..”

Scott saying he lost someone very important to him :((

I dont rlly ship them but the Carol and Rhodey interaction was cool of them to reference

Carol and Nat’s hair is sending me

Tony as a father is so adorable and i love morgan already

I’ve read posts saying that Tony rejecting helping them with the time heist was sefish, but he just didn’t want to risk losing the people he loves again. He didn’t want his daughter to lose a father or lose Pepper since him being back was already a second chance for him

Peter being his motivation :((

Morgan is so much like his dad uwu Tony is such a great dad

Valkyrie in midgaurdian clothes

KORG

Thor having a beer belly made the entire theatre gasp lmao

I also think they did him dirty. Specially since he clearly had ptsd and it seemed like they just turned it to a joke

Scott turning into a baby and Tony knowing he turned to a baby lmao

Bruce giving Scott tacos after his first one fell

Scott being friendly to Nebula :<

Scott giving 2012 Tony a cardiac arrest and 2023 Tony shouting for help lmao

“I could do this all day” “I know”

“That’s America’s ass”

Loki mocking steve

Loki’s lil wave at hulk in the elevator :< i miss my bitch

I really thought they’d make the elevator scene a parallel to the one in tws and we’d see a fight again

2012 Steve letting go of 2023 Steve when he told him that Bucky was alive

Steve and Tony in the 70s!

they should’ve had Dominic Cooper play Howard again.

Tony talking to his dad about his daughter

Peggy still having Steve’s photograph just like he has her’s :((

Steve seeing Peggy :((

JARVIS MY MAN

Nat and Clint being happy and giddy in space makes me cry now knowing whats gonna happen next

Peter singing without music lmao

Fuck thanos for hurting both nebulas

When Clint and Nat’s foreheads were together:( i love their friendship

“Please let me go” :(( Natasha deserved better

The fact that this film values family is so sweet

Thor and Frigga’s interaction and Thor saying his last goodbye to Frigga :((

Thor wanting to be the one to hold the gauntlet so he could do something right :<

Clint’s reaction when his wife called

Why does thanos always let the others do his work smh

Cap wielding mjolnir lemme tell u everyone in the theatre sCREAMED

The shot where Steve was ready to fight thanos and his army alone even before he knew the others would come is just-

“On your left”

Everyone who were gone appearing was so powerful

When peter appeared everyone cHEERED

The fact that everyone was there, Wakandans, Wong, the guardians etc iCONIC

“Avengers, assemble.” C h i l l s

Peter telling Tony what happened and tony hugging him

“Oh this is nice”

T’challa finally saying Clint’s name lmao

Captain Marvel’s entrance

Carol really just flew through a fucking battleship and managed to come out without a single scratch

“Hi im peter parker” “hey peter parker, you got something for me?”

HOPE VAN DYNE

“Is that everyone?” “Like you wanted more?”

“I don’t even know who you are” “you will” Amen sister

And the fact that Wanda singlehandedly nearly killed thanos and thanos had to recruit his army cos he got threatened by a woman

When Peter met Gamora and said “I thought I lost you”

Gamora kicking his balls HAHA

The all women scene was so powerful the entire theatre cheered

It upsets me tho that Natasha who brought them together wasn’t there

Hope and scott teaming up again oh god we dont deserve them

Captain marvel going for thanos the second time and when he tried punching her and she didnt flinch

Tony looking at Stephen was the time he knew what was supposed to be done

When tony had the gauntlet

“I’m inevitable” “i am iron man”

Peter going for tony “mr stark, can you hear me? It’s me peter.” “We won Mr. Stark. We won. You did it”

Pepper gently putting peter aside :((

The fact that pepper said “but will u be able to rest” back in their home when tony told her about the time travel thing and while he was slowly dying she told him “it’s okay, you can rest now”

Also when pepper was trying so hard to pull herself together and even said “we’re going to be okay.” And when she gave him a final kiss in the cheek but breaking down when Tony finally died

Tony’s last message while we see Clint reuniting with his family, T’challa, Shuri and Ramonda watching over the city, Hope, Cassie and Scott watching the sky and being happy

When hologram Tony looked at Morgan and said “I love you 3000” :((

the fact that Morgan lost his father at such a young age and that she wouldn’t get to grow up with a father. She probably doesn’t even understand what was going on

Morgan hugging her mom,, she must be so confused

When everyone was there for the funeral :( even Harley

Carol in those pants? G a y

Bucky in that jacket and jeans? Also gay

VALKYRIE AS THE QUEEN OF ASGARD? Iconic

Peter still searching for Gamora :((

“Don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone” “ur bringing all the stupid with u” THAT REFERENCE

“I’ll miss you” “it’s gonna be alright buck” Bucky knew what Steve was gonna do and that he wouldn’t come back

IM LIVING FOR SAM AS THE NEW CAP

“Wanna tell me about her?” *looks to the view and slowly smiles* “no, i dont think i will” HE CLEARLY HAD A HAPPY LIFE AND HE DESERVES IT

Steve and Peggy looked so happy and content and they deserve it

I still didn’t get why some didn’t like Steve’s arc,, Steve created a different timeline in which he comes back to Peggy and they both chose to get married and live together. So there is a different timeline where Peggy moved on, but in this timeline Steve and Peggy gets to be happy and grow old together. Steve is happy and he deserves to be :)

Also do u guys ever wonder if steve came back to the same date and place Peggy told him when he was about to crash the plane :((

The way the movie ended tho,, when right after we see Steve and Peggy dancing and kissing it cuts to black and the lyrics of the song start as the credits start rolling too. It’s such a beautiful way to conclude the phase :”( they ended it with Steve in the 40s, the very first avenger and the decade it all began.

Also the credits where they had their signatures :((

Anyway thats all thanks for coming to my tedtalk,, also feel free to add some more of ur thoughts from the film :)

[leapingoldfish]

**Warning my immediate feelings post Season 2. Spoilers for The Umbrella Academy**

Just finished The Umbrella Academy season 2. Dang, it was so good. It was so much fun. But god damn what the fuck was that ending. We're gonna meet Dark!Ben next season, wth. This is why you dont try and meet you're dad before you were born, you fuck up the timeline and then this shit happens. I'm glad the siblings learned their lesson though when Vanya left by herself and actually followed because Suprise! Treating people well usually keeps them from causeing the appocolype multiple times. And Harlan!! His powers. In so excited for that babe to show up as an old man. Sissy is probobly dead by 2019, but Harlan would be like 70. The last scene was so weird I'm not over it. I didnt hate it, I am just sooo confused. I'm ready though. God damn. 10/10. Really good! The cgi was a little weird in bits. Otherwise visually it was amazeing. The fight scenes were really good also. I loved the fight between the two fives. That whole scequence between the two is really fun. They had to send old five back to 2019 so that young five had a reason for existing, but then at the end 2019 is a diffrent reality, and thinking about the time paradoxes is makeing my brain hurt so I'm gonna stop. Those suitcases though. Theyre more delicate than a wet piece of tissue paper. I'm surprised there was even one functional in that field at the end. I would also like to complain about how they did Hazel dirty. I was ready for a fun Hazel and Agnes with their donut shop and maybe a few kids chillin in the 60's trying to stay out of this commission bull shit, but then they killed Agnes off screen and gave Hazel like 5 minutes. He didnt get to do anything and that makes me really sad. Speaking of sad, I'm happy to see Five experiencing some genuine human emotions. At first I thought it was kind of ooc for five to ask for Luther's help so quickly, but then I realized that all the others have had time to process everything in season one, while Five went immediately from seeing the moon explode to seeing a nuke get dropped. This kid has not had time to think about anything. I'm not suprised he's running a bit thin. Give Five a nap! Have we ever seen him voluntarily unconscious? No because he needs to get to actually sleep. And please give him some new cloths. Like dude, I think its time you gave your umbrella academy duds the time out and wore human cloths. Like that shirt miraculously got clean after mudering a dozen people. Idk about y'all, but blood is so hard to get out of white. Maybe I missed something because usually the show is really good on continuity and keeping physical changes as they go throughout the season. One thing I will say though is Five should ve deaf this season. He had a tank go off in his left ear. That isnt good for your hearing ever. It was so good, this season. I loved it So much. I called the Lila powers thing. I'm happy with myself about that. After her fight with Five and learning her parents died in 93 when she was 4. It wasn't a supper hard mystery, but I usually miss these things. I thought her powers were illusion, but I like her actual powers way better! They are so cool! Lila is a cool character, though I'm not a hundred percent sold on her. Or her and Diego. Like dude, your girlfriend died I think 3 months ago for you, falling in love with Lila is a little quick but okay. To each their own. I'm sad Allison couldnt be with Ray, I understand everything he was saying, but he was so good to her. I get why sje fell in love with him. Shit, if the Umbrella Academy didnt exist in the new timeline, does that mean Claire was never born! That is so sad for Alison. This is way longer than I meant it to be. I have so many feelings about the season! It was so good!

[will-i-everape-my-despair]

my life

okay where to begin  when i was young or when i wasnt?

alright ill start from the beggining 

it wasnt a great life

well not ideal anyways 

when i was born i almost died, my mother was diagnosed with post natal depression in spain, yeah i was born there ....when having to move to australia because spain isnt good with that sorta support .......my dad said he would come 

he lied

he cheated on my mother and decided to marry someone else, meanwhile my mother braught her one and only daughter with her, me 

i loved my mother because everyone else didnt like me , or atleast because of my mental contition they thaught i wasnt worth anything , i became dependent , and knew a world where you wernt huged nor kissed often, you had to grow up fast or youll be left behind .....mum helped of course but .....idk i wasnt an easy child to take care of , i didnt understand most things like love, respect ect i.....i dint understand emotions , she had to teach me to emote and to sleep, at least thats what she said 

when i first moved it was an expierience but , from then on my scheduales got stricter and my mother would get violent for no reason i thaught , i didnt uunderstand why she got so mad , i wasnt the best child but i never knew why

she hit me pulled my hair blackmailed me berated me ABUSED me 

and yet 

i still loved her , because when all you are taught was despair .......how can you see it as bad?,

expecialy when the world was against you 

======

i moved schools , into a new area  it was fun....i was scared at first ....and it was also my first taste of hope  i prefferred school over home  why? well....my family aint the best  i was often the scapegoat for my cousins actions , which just made the family hate us more ......except my grandparents  i was either sheltered , or mum just didnt have time to teach me idk  but my aunties not my mother would take care of me....when i was very very sick .....mum had to work 

from here it gets fuzzy 

i only remember a few things , when i was sick being forced to go to school, we never celebrated halloween like ever , i didnt do my homework because i would weasel out of it , and for the longest time i felt well.....sick .....inside or outside no idea i thaught is was depression, mum asked me why i feel like that and said then i dont have it 

====

we moved again 

more like we got kicked out 

and then

from there

mum only got

WORSE

we moved into someone named tonys house .....he was....to put it simply, a piece of shit , how mum fell in love is BEYOND me  he....liked to make mum mad....and sick her on me by running out of the house  from here ........i developed insomnia , my pillow was more full of tears than dreams , and tbh i had horrible nightmares , when i told mum she didnt look concerned.....well her eyes never showed it not that i knew ......i was .....always medicated but .......this was new i felt 

lost broken void emotionless empty expecialy after my cousin made me his little prostitute

still i was expected to work, my hair that used to shine like gold in the sun....lost all of it and my hair started turning white , i have more grey hairs than the average teen my sparkle was long gone....and i hid myself in the world of my mind and technology, eye baggs were visible and i dint do anything heh kinda like now.....i went to tutoring....i avoided work like the plauge  around this time however mum told me about her old faith....Jehovas Witness  i was sure why not  i at first ....it seemed so lovely  and i actively participated at this point i was in high school ... the family was in conflict...and school wasnt much better  then came....the dreaded ......scrunchie incident did i mention i was never left alone at home? because i was in highschool and still going to day care well i made friends in this little toddlers day care and well...i was invited to a party.....i just had a shower and lost the scrunchie i always wore and still do wear mum became enraged pulling my ears my hair making me hyperventilate ...i might of died no idea thank god abuello saved me  after a while of tonys bs, and becoming completely dead inside i....we moved again  i was still a JW but then......i became less trustfull of anything and anyone ....i looked at it .....and saw how condtradictory it was  i saw how bad the school system really was .....the more i searched on the net the more i learnt .....and the more i learnt the more i knew...

something was WRONG 

then last year in yr 10 maths......is the devil...expecaily the advanced stuff ....lets just say school wasnt safe anymore and math class made me pass out due to stress mum would hit me over homework, or throw my books in fits of rage then told me its YOUR FAULT i do this , YOUR FAULT that im breaking jehovas laws! and i actualy faught back after she nearly bashed my head in ..........i .....the iron my grandma died two years ago

english class wasnt too bad, but this one asssignment mum re wrote the whole thing ..........because “it didnt make sense “  i told her to shove it and not to be infolved in my work anymore

 i hate school the***pists ......i was overwhelmed......and at the end of the year i ......broke.....BAD....i told all my fellow classmates everything i had experienced........................to come home.....get called by my mother......and get yelled at .....over the phone.....for telling the truth......not because she was scared for me.....but because of her reputation.....she yelled at me and berated me.....i was still breaking and in a flash a thaught  one single thing “would anyone care if i died?” “if i died would mum be happy and free from me” “maybe i should go im a waste”  

i grabbed a knife  held it to my chest and couldnt do it  i thaught of my family, my friends and how they might feel

only to get berating texts and yelled at by my auntie  

then......yr 11 poped up  and the acedemic sprang into place  ....mum and i ......dont ....arent.....we arent compatible i found out after this  it was online work....my ADHD ass couldnt DO that....and what was worse my alters made themselves KNOWN ha  ha hahaha HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA killer kit my mother with a bottle and she whined of how i could of killed her....i distrusted him after that  i cried in the kitchen...laughing like a phycho  ... .................. ............................ and they were very distracting towards my work....which is what CAUSED that in the first place  term 2  well i found a friend group on line  they are angles  really they are 

tbh before yr 11 i was a bit better  but now i had well ALOT of appointments that i dint want  that didnt help  and the kids ......liked making me scared  term three is now  my grandpa died i finnaly cut myself off the JW  i told mum how i felt , the truth like she WANTED  she told me im spinning things that im abusive that shes a servant  i know i dont do much.....but my boddy is broken....i dont have motivation  and this place keeps me sane  and  alive one more year in the chambers of despair  and when that year is up the frail angel that lost her wings will be given the power  to soar to hope once again 

[jellyfishdooter]

LISTEN

I HAVE VERY LOW IMPULSE CONTROL

In spite of the current community fire I give you this Rise of the Guardians AU

Character explanations/ mini story under the cut

So after watching Rise of the Guardians (one of my fav animated movies) I got the idea for an AU where the egos are like the Guardians of the JSE community.

Their designs are based off/ inspired by the characters in the movie but instead of just drawing the egos as those characters, I more so let them inspire re-creations of their outfits/ powers

Chase: Jack Frost- Guardian of Family

In the beginning he doesn’t see himself as a guardian. He’s a screw up, a washout. But even through his depression he tries to make others happy before himself. He does this by having fun and trying to get those in the community to join in with him! It’s later on that he realizes he has a part to play and that his is making sure everyone is still together as one big community. He’s here to remind us that in troubling times that we all have each other- that we’re all family.

JBM: Santa- Guardian of Hope

Being the super hero of the group, it’s JBM’s job to protect the innocent and give off the appearance of being something people can depend upon- someone who can protect everyone from danger. He helps the community become strong and makes them laugh along the way (even if he has to make a fool of himself to do it, he loves our smiles)- he gives them hope.

Marvin: Tooth Fairy- Guardian of Creativity (Sams: small Tooth Fairies)

Much like tooth fairy in the movie, it’s Marvin’s job to collect fanart/ fanworks and store them so when the community forgets all that they have built together, he shows them. Not only that, he inspires the content creators and represents their passion for their art. And it’s what he protects. (Along with the help of the little Sams who are the ones who actually collects and re-distributes it so everyone can see what they’ve made.)

Jameson: Sandman- Guardian of Positivity

Arguably one of the most important guardians of the community, JJ is there to remind people the importance of PMA. In his own quiet ways, he encourages the members to think on the bright side- or is just there to give hugs and be there for them. Whenever someone is in such a dark place, he uses his powers to show them that they still have so much potential and that they’re not alone. He give them a light in a dark place to hold onto. (Yes, he uses sign language AND the sand symbols for those who don’t understand sign)

Schneep: Bunny- Guardian of Health

Being the good doctor of the group, he’s there to remind the community to take care of themselves. Yes he may be a lil aggressive in the way he gives out advice, but for a lot of people they need their butts a little kicks to get them moving to help themselves. But not only physical health, he’s also willing to sit down and talk about mental health and analyze what the problem is/ works to help you understand how to improve yourself.

Anti: The Boogieman- “Guardian” of Fear and Chaos

And last but not least, our dear little firestarter. For so LONG he’s waited, waited to be in the spotlight. Before the other egos show up it was just him and it was delicious. He had so much power as he fed off of our fears, insecurities, and of course the headcanons and theories we made about him. But then Jack HAD to make more egos and fill the community with positivity and light. So he sunk back and waited for his opportunity- he waited for his powers to grow strong in the background. And with all of the hints being dropped and community fueling the fire in a continuous positive feedback loop, he gains more and more strength every day. He reminds the community not everything is peachy and rosy. That there are awful things in the world and how you’re just a tiny ripple in a storming ocean. Insignificant. He doesn’t want to stamp out the community- that would be counterproductive. No he just wants them to feel fear for the channel- that nothing is safe anymore- at any turn he could be there. And with that everything always comes back to him.

And sooner or later, the others will fade away...

Extra Headcanons/ Tidbits:

Before they were all guardians they were other people. (TW: death and suicide mentions) -Anti was a reckless criminal and one night his “friends” betrayed him, leaving him behind which wound up being the end of him. They were running from the police and were trying to jump a tall fence when his comrades left the struggling man behind to take the fall. He did in more ways than one. -JBM was just a regular dude, but he sacrificed himself to save a kid getting hit by a bus in the city. Even though he was about to die he kept asking if the kid was okay. The medics told him he saved them and that’s all he needed to hear. -Marvin was a street magician in his time. He did tricks to cheer up people sitting on the sidewalk/ sitting alone and talked to them about their passions. Later the same people would come back and tell him about the new job they got or the current project they were working on. He pulled a teen off the side of a bridge and a local cop mistook it for him attacking her and.. well.. things escalated quickly -Henrik was an upstanding surgeon. He saved lives every day in his career. Even though his wife and child left him, he worked every day to become a better doctor and continued to save people. And after the surgeries he would personally counsel the patients to make sure they were okay physically and mentally. But one day.. they didn’t have a matching organ for the patient on standby.. and he knew he matched the credentials. -Jameson was a small movie star in his time. And when he wasn’t filming he went down in quiet to lift the spirits of homeless children and teens. He would put on small performances and then go around to each of them and comfort them if they said it was okay. He made sure by the end of his visit they were all in high spirit. But one day the filming studio caught fire. The smoke damaged his lungs so he couldn’t call out before the building collapsed. -And Chase... He had a loving wife and two kids who he cared for with his life. He vowed to himself to protect them, even though his wife turned into a bitch as the years went on. One night they were walking home from a day at the amusement park and Chase got jumped with his kids nearby. The criminal threatened to kill the kids if Chase didn’t comply. So to protect them, he did as the criminal said, handing over his wallet and watch and phone. And when the criminal was about to kill one of them anyway, instinct took over and Chase knocked the man down and knocked him out- but when he fell the gun went off

The lights on the globe are the septiclights, each one representing a person in the community

Instead of holidays, the guardians help in the background of charity livestreams and videos to give them that little extra spark.

Sean is the equivalent of the Man in the Moon

The extra fan-made egos (like Robbie, Shawn, Angus, and Bing) are still around, they just aren’t the big guardians.

If they were tho... Robbie- Guardian of Innocence, Shawn- Guardian of Voice, Angus- Guardian of... idk, Protection? Or maybe head cannons lol, Bing- Guardian of Online Connections

When too much of the community becomes afraid/ depressed, the guardian’s form changes (like in the movie) before they disappear -JBM: Becomes weaker, probably needs his glasses to see again, basically turned into a comicbook nerd -Marvin: Loses a lot of his color, magic goes away, turns into a cat? -Henrik: Hands continuously shake, gains a stutter so people can hardly understand him, becomes super paranoid/ closed off -JJ: His colors fade to black and white, it’s really hard to summon his powers, always about to cry/ wants to scream -Chase: Goes into a low state of depression, isolates himself a lot -Anti: His bravado diminishes- basically turns into an edgy teen with spasms instead of actual glitches, wound on his neck closes.

Like in the movie there’s a point where Anti takes over (like right now) and everyone’s powers start to fade

To make this angsty(er) he manages to kill JJ and he disappears, along with the light of positivity in the community.

Chase blames himself for not being fast enough to save him

To turn thing around Henrik suggests a charity livestream to promote a mental health organization. So they all work together to prep

A young community member somehow gets into Henrik’s realm

Memes and shenanigans ensue

“We spend all our time trying to protect the community, we don’t HAVE TIME-... for the community..?”

Chase runs off after young familiar voices calling out for their daddy

Chase ends up in Anti’s realm of fear(the opening is in the woods under an abandoned computer desk). It’s a series of twisted hallways bathed in red light and entire walls of glitching computer screens that cast weird shadows

When Chase gets out he realizes all the equipment is destroyed and he wasn’t there to help

Henrik blames Chase and sad dad runs off.

The community is plunged into a state of fire and fear and there’s no positivity anywhere to be found.

Except one last light...

A fan is talking to a Sam plushie, saying that yeah they understand why the stream COULD have been cancelled.. but everything in their life is just so dark they were really looking forward to it.

Chase finds them and uses his powers to make images of septic lights and funny moments in Jack’s videos

They realize it’s Chase who’s doing it and can see him

All the egos fight Anti with the help of a few community members beside them- giving them power to fight back.

The members bring back JJ

JJ kicks the ever living shit out of Anti with the help of the others beside him Okay I think I’ll stop here XD If you read all this... wowie!

[lim-lifeinmotion]

A story about a boy just a little bit broken

I would like to tell you a story About a boy that is broken Not by much Only just a little bit if at all You see this boy was a happy child He did normal happy child things He’d play and sing and dance Even if not very good but oh how this boy liked to play In the mud, mud pies, mud soup He liked the mud he did Stuck in the mud, mud scrub, mud bath mud, mud, mud, mud, mud He was an odd little child, Liked playing with barbie dolls, ken dolls He had no preference really And eating snails He enjoyed spending time with his friends Although mum made this difficult sometimes You see mum didnt always agree with the other mums Im sorry you cannot see them anymore But that is okay because he had plenty of other friends to play with But none were like them He felt sad and lonely Where are all my friends? This boy also loved to fish! What a thing it was Spending time with dad who he never really saw One weekend away this little boy had a new friend Of who’m he’d like to play! A new friend he thought  “I’m so happy” Mummy and daddy should we play? Allright said the little boy He knew nothing better Down his pants went I dont understand why? Touches his pee pee Nobody can touch that? But a new friend is a new friend “This is our little secret”? Okay So everynow and then They’d play mummy and daddy She was a lot older  He was only 3 he didn’t know any better He did not want her to touch his pee pee Or lick his private parts But a new friend is a new friend Will everyone be angry? So as the years went by mummy and daddy wouldn’t stop fighting To count the days when they were happy? He was young but even he could count as high as 10? It’s all your fault we fight they said Time and time again If it weren’t for you kinds we wouldn’t have these problems “I don’t want to be the problem”? How do I not be the problem? Be a better boy, listen a little more, Maybe if i stay home I can show mummy I‘m a good boy I dont want you to go away This little boy found a new friend!  Hip hip horaay He was so happy and excited A reason to wake up every day But this boy could never stay over Not for a whole night What if mummy was gone when I get home? Please take me home, I want to go home now. Once more mummy disagrees with the other mummy, I am sorry you cannot see them any more I’m sorry I’m not supposed to talk to you I have to listen to what mummy says Now they wont stop fighting, And we’re moving in with my aunty I liked her dog and her pool and her piano A few years we were happy, no more yelling at last But as this boy got older He saw his sister being yelled at Please stop fighting I don’t like to see you all cry When she was 15 she had had enough He didn’t want her to go but knew mummy would be happier if she did So she did We were happy again Daddy came home but the fighting continued Only with my other sister now It wasn’t long before she moved out  A few years into highschool You see everyone in this family Was in the top of their clases They were not dumb or stupid They weere in fact extremely smart Nerissa was good at english,

 drawing, she was also a very nice singer Tyla was good at netball and maths, she was so popular and so was nissy Ryan was good at maths and art and really enjoyed running and sports, He wasn’t the storngest but he could run and never look back But now everyone had moved out And I was again all alone The boy had no friends Although everypne knew who he was At school he’d walk and chat Bounce between groups making them smile and laugh You’re so funny ryan So many friends now! But on the weekends it was playstation and games Nobody wanted to hang out with him  Out of uniform he really didnt belong And the yelling started again His entire life he did not think it would ever be him? But im such a good boy mummy I try my best every day Until one day It was time to leave You see out of nowhere he met a boy A boy he fell in love with Someone that liked him, thought was funny and kind It’s all he’d ever wanted The boys became close They shared their first kiss Their first everything What a time to be young, to be alive He would get bullied  By the younger students Because the older ones knew his sisters Everybody loved them But they no longer went to school They both left way too young They were so smart and so popular I dont understand why? But this boy didn’t care The silly words people would say He was happy and in love He finally had a friend He started living with this boy, His family were like his own No fighting no yelling A safe and peaceful home for two years they lived together until they grew apart When you’re young you are curious There is so much to live for to see and to do He began to see the darkness again His home was gone again He had no friends The words now had power He tried but he let them in Fag they would say Push and shove him they would do In class he cried At home he died He began to wonder about death How beautiful it would be So he took the knife and made his first cut An addicion he would soon regret At first they were small On the wrist because thats were people did it right? But too many eyes saw  You cannot wear an armband all year So he took the knife and took to his thigh So much more flesh to cut I can go deeper and harder now than before This boy truly wanted to die Bloody sheets  Vodka bottles He stopped going to classes But did all his work He didnt want to be a drop out But he didnt want to go to school So in a bottle of chi he’d mix A bottle before, during and after school Nobody suspected a thing, He never wore uniform anyways He was never rude or inpolite The opposite in fact He had to be a good boy He had a job which he quit Becausee he drank and cut and cried Nothing could stop it A part of him had died So he decided he needed money Skipped a few weeks rent Was told they needed to talk So up he went and left He didnt mean to hurt them He didnt want to be a burden They found the bottles and the bloodied mess He didn’t want to make them angry So back he went “home” To the yelling and screaming The rules oh the rules Do not exist From here things fall apart and there is no more rhymes That little happy child, he was dead now, he died a long time ago and all that was left was darkness, sadness, an anti depressant shell He spent his days drinking and taking drugs and cutting himself. Nothing made sense, the only clear thing in his existance was the fact that he no longer wanted to be in this world and he made it clear that he was just waiting to die. I missed a lot out of this story, a lot of good things happened, he was so loved but honestly those memories are all but faded and bleak lost somewhere in the dpeth of the lonliness he had felt his entire lfe, the sadness, the emptiness that filled him. He was annorexic and coudln’t eat, he saw his weight go from 64 down to 48 where it would stay for some time. He met a lot of amazing guys but none felt right, none gave him that feeling that young cute boy did and no matter how hard he tried all he ended up leaving was a wake of destruction and hurt wherever he went. I could count 10 different people he ended up destroying, 2 earned the label. He never intended to hurt them, he really tried, he just wanted to feel loved, to feel something, anything at all. But never could. He sold his body for sex at the age of 17, he needed money to continue drinking and living because partying to forget was all he knew. What a messed up life this poor child had, no wonder he’s a god damn mess until the other day he knew anything bad that could have happened had happened to him, the other day when he remembered he was molested. He’s been raped by his best friend, molested when he was a child, sold for sex, beaten, thrown to the ground, abandoned on the side of the road by his parents. literally kicked out of the car at 3 or 4 years old and I just remember him standing behind the car screaming and crying, begging to let him back in. He been cheated on, drugged, ruphied, overdosed and died. He’s tried to kill himself on more occasions than I can count of both hands and both feet. He’s put himself in hospital but never once has he intentionally tried to hurt someone, Never has he ever laid another finger on another human being that he hasn’t blacked out and done in a fit of rage, childhood trauma is funny like that. I am not a bad person and I know this to be true but I feel like there is little more that life could throw at me, little more that I can have done to me because I have seen it all, been through it all and I am so angry at the world for this. For so long I see eyes that reflect the soul, I know how to play this game, I managed to trick myself into believing I was happy in order to stop myself from killing myself, you can sure as hell bet I will trick you too. When you look into my eyes and you see that pure innocent smile, that cheeky grin, the light sparking as it fills you with that infections glow. Sure some of the time it is genuine but for the most part I am just so sad and there is no way I want to put that onto anybody else, ssssssssso I will fool you into believing I am happy and so damn peaceful but my actions reflect someone so broken, so detroyed, someone that has next to no love or respect for themselves because how can I? After everything? Im working so fucking hard to make this work, to re learn the things I had stripped away from me, pice by piece, like tiny cracks forming on the glass I was constantly trying to fix and mend but like so many cracks I couldn’t keep up with the speed at which they were forming and shaterring. I became so very good at fixing them but now I am left with a broken soul, A shattered mind, a scarred body, left trying to yet again mend the pieces but she is so very tired, a life without a brake and I am ready to put the brakes on before I break because breaking is all I know how to do, breaking is what I do best but I just need a brake because it will break me otherwise. I know I am such a powerful person, I am so god damn resiliant yet still so fucking loving regardless of all this shit. I wonder sometimes how the fuck I am still here, kicking, working, moving forward trying to make a better life for myself, because with all this on a page and missing quite a lot, that is too much for one 24 years of “life”, That is too much for anyone to endure. I havent even mentioned my sisters life, how they both tried to kill themselves, “Home” was that bad that they would rather have died than exist. My youngest sisters boyfriend killed himself when she was 16 or so, she wanted to follow, had a note and the noose all ready. How much shit can life throw at somebody before it really is just starting to take the piss, I feel my life is just one big fucking joke because no way can this be real, no way can this be the reason I was put on this earth for. If there was a god why would he look at a 3 year old and smile telling him he was going to be sexually assaulted time and time again, beaten and abused for the rest of his 25 years in the world. How fucking dare you. How fucking dare you. This may seem like I am asking for pity but that I do not want, I don’t need your sympathy because it makes no god damn difference o me, It doesnt change the chemicals in my brain, it doesn’t give me a reason to get up in the morning or give me comfort in bed at night. I want you to know how fucking cruel this life has been and why I am so god damn fuking messed up in the deepest and darkest way possible. “Why” is the big question of endless possibilities but this is one of those reasons, one of the many possibilies, the endless ways my life could have gone and destiny looked at me and chose this path for me. Fuck you, Just fuck you and your bullshit lenses about flowers and fairies, I grew up with the monsters under my bed, the headless horseman was my ride through hell and back, Samara was my pen pall and nobody was there for me in the end to protect me, I can’t even protect me, I can’t say no to people so I just close my eyes, pretend to be enjoying it and let it happen. Fuck you Unedited rant because fuck reading this to edit its way too fucking much

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, Se3, ep 12 (Part 1)

The aftermath of the curse lifting~ Btw, the timeline is super messy. Flashbacks & background stories aren’t this anime’s best tool, it’s always felt messy when they attempt that. more on it in my side notes below. Now into the ep~

-Yuki & Machi: ( Blossoming Love!):

I love that the author attempted different direction of romantic love with yuki/machi that suits yuki’s personality! Opposite to kyo/tohru who had the (from best friends to lovers/ from roommates of 3 years to lovers). Yuki & machi’s love is based on natural crush & while she isnt his best friend, she’ll be his lover & they’ll know each other after dating. Both types of love are realistic & have their own path of dynamics, which is clear with how yuki/machi will be interacting & how kyo/tohru are now interacting since becoming official. I’m still bummed most of yuki/machi’s “noticing each other” is supposed to be off-screen, it robbed me of seeing yuki interact in a normal teenage-boy crushing on a girl which contrasts his relationship with kakeru, kyo, haru & tohru. Now, we’ll start the “ official-boyfriend yuki” stage! Also, this jump to confessions didnt help machi have any uniqueness beside being saved by yuki’s words from her trauma. watching her interact with him normally would’ve added realistic depth to her being a normal girl with unique cute quirks differently from tohru, Isuzu, kagura or even motoko!. Oh well~ moving on & focusing on the meaningful cute confession. I loved that altho there were a hug & a kiss, it didn’t have “ I love you” statement. You know they (will) love each other so dearly, but they’re in stage 1 now, she just called him by his first name for the first time! cute! I love that the emphasis is on the “ first name” calling since this is a huge key to yuki’s identity & struggle. Also, It is cute she bought a gift to tohru! This is a set-up to a healthy relationship with yuki since she isn’t jealous from a precious woman in his life that isnt related by blood.

-Moving towards the future: Kyoru’s final stage of growth!

By Kyokoy’s grave Kyo & tohru had key moment of growth & healthy closure to their core character issues::

1- Kyo’s toxic habit of running from life became a desire to run towards life!: While this habit is rightfully excused by his trauma, it needed to be addressed once his curse broke. We know he stopped running & faced his dad, confessed to tohru, accepted her love, embraced his crazy desire for her & accepted he deserved to be loved! Even ran towards tohru, chasing her! However, all the above is him running to the good current life in his grasp. He needs to run to the far away future this time! Needs to plan for the good & accept that the bad is part of it. struggling is part of life & he’ll endure it together with her, while enjoying life’s rewards.

I love that kyo is the one who suggested moving out to another city/place, cuz kyo was the one NOT living. He was long dead & trapped in the cage of his guilt & self-loath. Tohru at least was living thro helping others ( which is not real living but at least it’s better). Kyo was “ Mom, why didn’t you kill me instead of yourself?” ,“ I’ll kill yuki & then kill myself, would that please you, dad?!”, “ I cant forgive me, I dont want you to forgive me, tohru”. Walking on a road of self-destruction & slow death. But now, with tohru he wants life!!! all of it!! travel, learn, see, struggle, fail, succeed, build their own future by themselves.

I love that kyo didnt take tohru’s approval for his plans for granted. He really didnt think she’ll accept right away. He didnt even want her to dedice quickly, He was prepared for compromising to a better solution for them both. They’ll work other possibilities “ if i’m gonna live in this world, I want to do it with you”.

I love that kyo was real abt the obstacles ahead & didnt want tohru to just follow him based on love. He wanted her to decide on her own as well. He also, left the door open for her to change her mind anytime & this screams support & understanding!! Very powerful!.

2- Thoru’s toxic habit of being ashamed to desire anything for herself, living for others & wearing a happy “i’m okay” mask while concealing her true feelings became confidence, self-clarity & honesty: The tohru who was smiling while concealing grief on the beach is gone, the tohru who kyo had to coax her to “complain, be selfish” se01,ep5, to “not hide worrying over a relative’s sickness” se02, ep14 “ cry if she needs to” se3, ep6, is now telling kyo her honest opinion abt his proposal, while thinking of her own self as much as him & even objecting to his sentiment abt her mom’s words!!!!

I love that tohru is now a confident free woman making her own decisions based on self-honesty & communication with her partner. She wasn't just “okay” with it cuz he wants it while putting fake smile, No more of that. Now, she’ll say her true feelings, she asked him abt his plans, tried to see if it is a spur of the moment decision or if he really thought abt it. She also inquired where’s heading, who he talked to, what he’s planning! She is deciding for herself after hearing him! ok, this is your plan? I like it. I’m going!  Very powerful!.

I love that like how kyo was realistic abt the plan having some difficulties due to starting away by themselves, she was also realistic that it is indeed sad to part with my friends, my hometown, & my mom’s resting-place, but i’ll choose ME now. “I” want to go with you for “me”. This is not a bind I’ll follow you wherever love story, this is realistic depiction of healthy relationship. Acknowledging hardships & accepting them saves you from being crushed by failure, you’ll endure it when it eventually happens & move on, cuz God knows we DO fail & succeed! Life isnt smooth sailing~ 

I love that tohru complemented him on his plan cuz she could see that is a sign of growth. If she’s gonna share her life with this man, it is delightful to see that he is thinking of a happier, healthier & realistic future! Cuz kyo was this destroyed man~ so destroyed he was pushing her away despite loving her dearly, now, he’s asking her opinion & permission to accompany him!

I love that tohru made sure to touch upon kyo’s last scar “ my mom doesnt hate you” This is a scar that wont go away even if kyo is mentally healthy. Cuz death is the ultimate truth. He can never hear kyoko’s affirming her love for him, he’ll have to trust in it based on their earlier interaction together. Tohru is powerfully & stubbornly taking away most of his pain by affirming her acknowledge of her mom. You might disagree kyo, you might still feel a bit guilty, it might haunt you sometimes. but me? NO. Never. Mom loved you. She meant ONLY good. Hopefully my determination heals you bit by bit, & it DOES. Kyo stands bravely, confidently & happily in front of kyoko’s grave & instead of saying “ i apologize for hurting you, or tohru, I’m sorry, forgive me”.  he tells her he’ll keep their promise & protect tohru for life! he literally proposed there in front of her mom & all. T_T

-Kyoko’s Words: ( Sometimes, you don’t get to know the whole truth & that’s okay):

Can’t describe how much I love this part. This is the most painful yet important lesson in furuba. Life isn’t a movie where the entire truth is exposed to the characters or the audience. Sometimes you live & die without getting to know an important truth, hearing a much needed confirmation, or getting a loved one’s forgiveness. There are things in our life that we just can’t get back no matter how much we tried. What we do, then? die? despair? throw away what we DO have in our hands for this lost truth no matter how important it was to us? No, we do the only thing we can. Live. Not just go thro life’s motion, but really live. Accept the good & the bad. This is so goddamn easy & difficult as hell too!

-Kyo not knowing kyoko’s words at that time was tragic. It was so tragic it sent kyo into a suicidal descent into the abyss. The wounds of his mom’s death that were slowly healing with kazuma’s care got re-opened & poured blood! The old destructive habits became full force, The toxic coping habits returned with its ugliness. I can’t kill myself literally? I’ll do it figuratively. trapped, caged, destroyed, eyes shut, ears closed, only seeing his pain. Kyo is us. All of us in any moment of true crushing despair. He could never bring the dead back, hear their loving words or ask forgiveness. Thro kyo, the author is telling us... I know. You had your moment of lost truth, didn’t you? I know. IT IS OKAY. live, my child. your pain is valid, let it take its course, but afterwards live bravely.

-Kyo’s path towards healing is: the ugliest cuz it hurt tohru of all ppl, the longest cuz he was the last one to move on, the bloodiest cuz he’ll never have the ppl he lost, the rockiest cuz he failed & failed, the most frustrating cuz he repeated his mistakes over & over, He couldnt even do it alone. needed intervention & support. He lost hope. completely. But it is okay even if you fell as deep as kyo: stand up. even if you never learned the truth: let go. even if you were the last one to learn or heal: it isn’t a race. Embrace life with its good & bad & continue as kyoko said “ you fought well”

-Kyoko’s parting plea to her daughter broke my heart into pieces. Death is ugly, but death is a truth that we can’t escape. The leaving ones is hurting as much as the ones left behind, but hopefully, the leaving ones will find a happiness a kin to the ones left behind. yuki’s "say a prayer & move one, one step at a time” is all you can do.

-Kyoko was: a gangster who hurt others (ugly path), repented, married & had a daughter (fulfilling path), widowed & left her daughter while grieving (ugly path), came back, repented & tried to raise tohru well, love her enough! (fulfilling path), died & left her young high school daughter all alone (heartbreaking path) but she accepted that the last path isn’t sth she can fight, prayed, & accepted her fate~

-Kyoko~~ “ you fought well”  while you were alive~ you really did! The Tohru you left behind helped a whole clan & hopefully readers as well! you tohru is loved by an entire generation of readers & anime watchers. Tohru is so precious & I can’t stop crying~

Side Notes:

Timeline is super messy & confusing. (a) Tohru’s hospital discharge, kyoru’s hug & curse break for everybody all happened at the (late) afternoon. While curse was breaking, akito was wearing her white kimono & she cried until tohru hugged her on sunset. (b) Before tohru’s hospital shigure’s face was scar-less. we first saw the scar in the afternoon & he was wearing his kimono.

Now the flashback, Akito wearing her outfit from her talk with the maid (which also happened while kyo was talking to his dad which is on the same day) & shigure wearing suit & it’s sunset time??????? How can the sunset happen before the curse break on the afternoon? She inflected the scars on the sunset, how did he have them on the afternoon of the same day?? both changed outfits which is even weirder??? Someone help me put things on order. Or is order not important? If the sequence of events isn’t important, then, why did it have to happen on the curse break day??? Shigure could’ve had his scars a day or two before tohru’s discharge.

Also the OP started in the middle of yuki’s scene which was so odd!

No big deal, but I still feel that yuki’s curse break would’ve been thematically powerful last ep. Especially after seeing The Zodiac Ruler come & collect the spirits. The legend would've been wrapped powerfully on the same ep where it was told. We see the zodiacs’ original story & we see its closure. It would’ve made tohru/akito’s hug more symbolic. An end of an era to akito & to them all. Real Goodbye to the zodiac animals, but now we had a goodbye & a half. lol.

Is yuki the only one seeing the cursed spirit? He looked down at it? I dont remember the others looking down where an animal would be? Is yuki’s curse special? different? He got all the ropes/bonds around him? I really thought yuki’s theme is all abt desiring to be normal & despising the “special” treatment that haunted him even in school. 

Momiji/ kagura /kyo interaction is cute!

Haru/Yuki/ Isuzu interaction is cute as well. XD

Kagura, girl, you used to have best fashion, what’s up with jeans under knee length dress?! lol.

I’ll be honest. It is a lost opportunity that machi weren't made to question how teen-tohru is yuki’s mom. That would’ve solidified her as a unique stand alone character if she were to discuss it with yuki. Tohru being yuki’s mom figure is not normal, otherwise yuki’s entire dilemma of figuring out his feelings for tohru would’ve become meaningless. Having machi quickly “understand” it is a bit weird. But it helps the plot move quickly, I guess. ( it reminds me of Arisa hugging akito when she confessed stabbing kureno without questioning anything, it is weird, but you get the message that “ we aint got time for that~ gotta hop on the next plot).

I love that furuba subverted the old anime-trope of the entire happy cast staying together in one city/place & living exactly like they did in their teens except being married now! XD. It is so realistic that each character is now moving on their path of life~

Tohru wore a ring in her foreshadowing vision! SHE WORE A RING! My baby girl is a grown woman now~ T_T. I love tohru so much!~

Shigure/ akito & the last banquet is in my review part 2. I’ve been editing out any thoughts abt Shigure from my previous posts. I needed to see the whole picture first. I think can now talk abt them, I’m looking forward to the comments of the next part cuz I really really need to see if I understood it or if i’m off.

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

Y'all getting tortured too..I lost it. I couldn't handle it

I got germ x on a cotton round and started washing my face.

I got more body parts to literally scrub

After my grandpa died of cancer -- well. Denise killed him but they said it was the cancer...

I took a shower and scrubbed my body every day. I got a new toothbrush weekly.

I used a scouring pad from the kitchen and I didn't ever turn the cold water knob but just a tiny stream.

The water was all the way on full blast hot.

I scoured my skin off.

My Uncle Dad took me to the hospital when he finally came home from the ship. It finally docked.

Doctor asked had I burned myself. "No I just took shower and it just didn't feel clean.. It never feels clean"

"How hot is the shower?"

"Oh will the way hot. I turn the cold on slightly about midway to do the final rinse"

"How long do you shower for and how many times do you perform a "rinse"?"

"Well the shower stays on... I'd say 3 - 4 times when it's all the way hot then at least twice, so about 6.. Sometimes 10.. 12... 45 one day"

I heard my uncle dad sob from the corner. I looked st him perplexed. Cause I was doing right. I was keeping the germs off me.

"I just gotta stay clean dad" as he raised his head he sucked in air through his nose. And i saw a man in misery and guilt

"I'm so sorry sorry i thought you could handle the cancer. I thought you'd be okay and i just had ti fo to work but she...."

"I can handle the cancer dad. I just gotta stay clean and keep the germs off of me"

"What kind of products do you use. SOS pads... Denise doesn't buy a lot of Shampoo so i try to keep,that for my hair... So I'll use dish soap or sometimes even laundry. Bleach is good but she doesn't buy that one slot either. I don't like the amoniea. The smell bothers me but I had to use it 3 or 4 times because I didn't have anything else but that was when i found the SOS pads under the sink. Lo and behold they have soap in them already. So, i quiet using extra except when i wash my face with them. Soften the skin up a little bit more than so I don't get wrinkles"

I looked dead into his eyes and told something I didn't tell any other adult about what i did. I told my friends... But not in a way that it was me. "You know someone i heard of was...." Not I did this. But someone did.

My dad according to my DNA4U although there's,a story about that...

He was in the corner crying the whole time I was talking. "No she needs help. I need help for her."

The doctor said they had received a phone call he thought it was from the FBI. But he looked at his notepad and said "Nope the CIA."

"I just have to keep the germs off me tell them that. They need to, too"

"I'm calling them Billy don't you worry"

"Yeah" he said into the phone "i got a situation here. I'm gonna need you to come in and take her. ... Mental ward"

Son of a bitch. I attacked him. I wasn't crazy. I needed to be germ free.

I grabbed the phone "WHAT I NEED IS TO BE CLEAN AND YOU DO TOO GODDAM THE WHOLE WORLD"

And i beat that poor doctor in the head and back wirh that phone until it fell apart and nothing was left.

"And that's how I kill germs" I told his dead body.

Mental institution?!?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!? THE GERM INFESTATIONS I WOULD DIE IMMEDIATELY JUST BREATHING THE AIR!!! NO WAY IN HELL!!! GOD FUCKING NO!!!

My dad just sat there as i beat the doctor to death m his eyes and jaw open as wide as can be.

"You understand right? I'm not here to hurt you but This place it's so dirty but i came here with you. Because i trust you to keep me safe. But he wouldn't. Not. The dirtiest place in the world he would send me to and i just can't have that. I'll push the panic button to get you some help that you need"

It was right by the door. So these big ass mother fucking dudes came me in started grabbing me to hold me down and strap me to the bed. Big mother fuckers HUGE. Body builders and shit. "ARE YOU GERM FREE!! DONT GET A HOLD OF ME!! LET ME GO. GODDAMINIT!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I killed all 3. "Now i gotta wash my hands and arms. They fucking touched my face and every thing. Stuck thier fingers in my mouth and all. I need to,start with bleach. Can you get me some?"

My dad was in shock.

"Maybe later. I'll ask you again when your nervous system calms down" I washed my face and elbows.

It was 1992 Christmas was a few weeks away. My lie age I was 12. My real age I was only 8.

Finally the CIA came in "are you here to help or force me to wash my hands again?"

He put his arms up as he walked by me and sat next to my dad "well i know Gaberiel and Calvin can help. Gaberial goes to school with her and he said she looks alright but seems to be in a trance like state most of the time. But they will know what to do. Do not worry. Sabrina you cannot keep killing doctors like that"

"I'm not going!! The backwoods motel where they put the strange and i tell you none of them know how to,wash their hands!!"

"You look like a witch!!"

"At least im a clean one fuck y'all shit"

This whole team of huge CIA dudes... They all washed their hands no less than 3 minutes up their elbows for an additional two while I watched.

This big one said "she's not alright you know that. I never washed my hands this much in my life"

I warned him i would kill him if he didn't get off the team "oh no it's refreshing I don't have a problem. My face too here i come"

When he lifted his face he saw mine. "There's nothing wrong with me sir. This world is unclean"

"That's that transelike state. Her voice gets hollow and the carries. Did she kill the others like that Bill?"

"No I didn't. He made me upset while i waited for th3 help I supposed to be needing. Like no one knows,l they can poison me any second"

I knew but i didn't know Denise injected medicine into my grandpa's vein.

I COULDN'T handle this guy at the sink. He wanted to teach me like he could do it better. Like i had something wrong with me. And he didnt like it"

"Out. Just get the fuck out of here. I'll give you a chance to live."

I ended up killing the whole line of people but this one little yellow Asian man.

He was surrounded by dead bodies. 5. They took the 3 guard nurses and the doctor out already.

"Do i wash my hands now? Is it my turn?"

"SIR!!" i said pissed off. I looked around me. My poor dad "well what do you think about your surroundings?"

"You look good. Able to kill real easily. Looks like I need some more training. But I'm just here to wash my hands as i was told to"

He told me the times he needed to wash.

"Well no one else is in line so I suppose that yes it's your turn now"

I laid down on the little check up table bed and fell to sleep. I was exhausted. Killed 9 people. Because they were aliens. And i would let someone live. 3 people in total. Out of 12..

It could be a good day after all, as long as i didn't go to Baywood Inn Acres.. I'd been there before. I escaped and let all the mental patients out. Well maybe if i went I could do that again I thought as I drifted off to sleep. I could still do it. I'd killed 9 today in just seconds.. I could let the rest escape.

Snoop put me on time restrictions. I bit him. I kicked him. I punched him in the stomach. He would walk in with a shield from SWAT to tell me to stop washing at the sink.

It was all scuffed up and I had to clean it. Germs get in them scratches and cracks...

Before he knew it it was all soaped up and If he exposed, his face he would get soaped too. Bar of soap.

Oh boy he was pissed off at me. "You need to kill the right people!!" Him and Alex Laughlin both said

"Then let me use the soap for as long as I want to"

I was a horrror show star. Like a doll. Like poltergeist. There's that doll that turns it's head all creepy. My eyes be glassy I walked around like I was dead.

I was. I was so dead inside. I KNEW my grandpa would die for no fucking reason. I knew and there wss nothing I could do to save that Old man!!!!

And i KNEW i was going get cancer, too!!!

Just wash it all off. Wash it down the drain.,that is I what i would say.

This video to some. But I used to do that.

2 years later I did get cancer in my throat just like I knew I would. I wrote about it.

So I handle death a lot better. Losing one. Germs.

If I know a person doesn't wash their hands and their hands are warm. I freak the fuck out.

"Don't fucking touch me" and I get filled with violent rage.

Some people think it's cool to make fun of me. A violent assassin. To this date with my bare hands no magic included in the last 35 years I've killed 22,489,601,427 people.

So y'all need to learn to wash your mother fucking hands. 35 seconds i recommend.

CDC says it's good in 20... Don't underestimate the power of germs. Scrub faster and go for long term use of that soap you just squirted on you. Go up to the elbows!

Eventually I got okay. To be okay I had to kill people. 862 thousand.

All aliens in stolen bodies. Then i was okay again.

But until then i would sleep walk to the sink wash,me up then hit the streets in a trance.

So they got a kid to live with me... Anton. From Queer Eye... Him...

"No what are you gonna do? He's got germs on him and he's our only kid!" Alex would bark at me.

"Then you kill him" i would tell him. He never did.

So i posted a video earlier. Poor child. "Wash your hands" "wash your hands!" In the video I shared that he shared. Poor child, "Now you gotta wash both hands although only one is dirty. The other might get jealous. Up to your elbows if you want to but definitely up to your wrists"

He played in the dirt a lot. If he didn't Snoop would pour it on him. "Now what are you gonna do?!?"

I smelled him make sure the cat didn't piss on it

Man Snoop did a hard fight. "Its fucking dirt snoop shut the fuck up!!:

I let that boy teach me about dirt. Is it clean? Does it feel fresh? Or smell bad?"

I let him choose whether to wash or not.

Somethings he HAD to wash after touching "raw meat" we had a list of things that could harm us if it was left on our hands.

I had to wash after uncooked hot dogs. Had to. Kid goddam creeped me out because he didn't

I'd just look at him like he was a leeper to give me leprosy from an uncooked hot dog.

"CHILL OUT!!!"

"Uh anuh he touched a raw hot dog and he didn't wash. Uncooked meat!! Its on there check the goddam list in a hurry" he was like a monster under my bed.

"It says raw meats baby."

"Uncooked is raw"

That little boy. Sweet precious angel he is. He said "i didn't agree because i wanted to go out side and play but now I see i take the hot dog containments into the dirt if I don't wash. So i would like to wash please"

I earned a kiss from Alex who was going by Gaberiel. At the time.

It shocked me with surprise. I did something right for the first time in weeks i wasn't yelled at by an adult. I put my head down on the arm of the chair and wept and wailed and cried.

I spent so much time fighting with who was supposed to be my friends. That it made me calm and feel normal. Ever since that day my grandpa died. I had so much built in my chest like a wall. Filled my body so.

Snoop finally understood under all that muscle mass and need to assassinate... I was still there.

"Lets go get some ice cream it's on the list for,being,human and you get sprinkles for crying."

"Lets go ma then I wanna play in the dirt.

I wasn't sure i could leave the house. I felt really wobbly... To go outside and not kill... It was dangerous. I tried to go back in like 14 times. But Alex kept stopping me. Or snoop or the baby Antony.

"Took us 15 minutes to go get us a dam treat,jist from the door to the car. When we go killing shes flying down the steps and first one to the car. Ain't no one gonna know what's wrong with her! Ain't no one!"

"I do! You just need to wash your hands! Wash Your hands!!" I had a sweet little boy next to me... I looked out the window of that white Cadillac and I sure did hope i could figure out how to,keep the world safe. They played and teased and made,him laugh.,all every one,in the car laughing with joy.

I just wanted to open the car door, jump out and die.

Later I finally told. Some movie reminded me of my grandpa... The only one I ever had. The one that allowed me to kill Denise. A prison guard.

"He died from something out side of him. Not inside out side. I can't handle it. It went down his arm.. Pink. It was something pink"

Snoop on his knees. "What was it poision?"

"Watch. Into here down this way to his pinkie then back up and then down around his heart and through his legs and up the other side and to his brain then he could smell the medicine cold cough syrup. And she kept doing it until the full bottle was,in,his body. It didn't work tho. The next day and the next. 3 more,days than,that. Then he was,dead. 2 bottles each day. Of cold medicine to kill tiny germs"

Alex's face,was,in terrified horror. Snoop still as a statue.

"Where do they live at?" Asked snoop.

"Texas. Redway lane"

"That is where you live at".

"That is what i am telling you. And i was in Texas and i didn't go to Arizona"

Snoop began to throw up in his hand and,ran,from the room.

Alex and Anthony looked at me all "why did you have to tell the truth?!"

"I'm trying to watch the movie here!!" Said Anthony "and tomorrow I wanna play in dirt"

"That's ok baby That's what you can do with Uncle Snoop. We'll be quiet now so you can watch the movie."

If you don't get germs on you. You don't get sick. Then you don't get murdered.

Stay Clean.

Corona. I'm telling you. It ain't no different.

Except I was told something worse than eating Vicks Vapo Rub would happen to me from Denise.

I had to kill 981,602,375 people like Denise until I felt satisfied the world was safer.

Until I could breathe again.

I felt my grandpa die. I was with him. I felt his whole body. When his left lung collapsed...

And he was begging "no Denise don't do it. It won't make me better. No Denise I don't want none. Dont put it in my IV. I don't have no cough or cold. I have cancer and I'm going to beat it"

And that Old man died. And I tried so hard. To keep his body alive. Just stay with him.

And his body was so riddled with cancer. He couldn't take being filled with the thick cough syrup.

After a million kills. Grandpa said I could stop the world would get better then. "If I do two more grandpa then it would get allot better"

We killed 6 million predators. By hand. We picked them from prisons.

Death Row and life sentences. They could die early if they wanted. They understood they would die. They signed contracts. And we filled them in gas chambers. And filled the air with a non toxic cough syrup smelling gas that made them relax. Laughing gas. Then we used rat poision gas. Until they died. We had some other gases too. I didnt care.

We did right by our promise and they choked end coughed choked on a white foam frothing from,their mouths. And,died.. And we watched them through a little window with gas masks on our faces.

"You know you could used a little more nitrous" would say Alex

"Only half choke to death. Most of them lay down peacefully to die."

Oddly white men were more often to fight Than the black man.

"Either the black men are innocent or they know,what to do in a poison situation"

One man. Black. Should been,dead. But he was crawling around checking on,the others. In pain he was.

I ran,from the control booth. Dodging people trying to stop me. I swung open the door against policy. Grabbed him up under his shoulders "why did you sign the paper if you didn't have any thing to do with the crime?$?!" I yelled through my gas mask

"All these are all dead i want to,know why I'm not!!: he was crying he was scared. "I didn't sign the paper because i wanted the hell out. I knew if i died I would go to Heaven!: he was sobbing. In a gas chamber. Filled with poison.

Alex held up a gas mask in,the Window I pointed my head towards my direction.

And I held the black man while he was on his knees in a room full of gas. Alex put the gas mask to protect from,gas on his face.

"Lets go you got to get out. You only have half a,mask"

"I can't"

"You got to,get out now"

He chose his fate. No one else. He would tell me when he was ready to live and i would hold him on his knees until he did. I just stared into Alex's eyes. While he said over and over "you got to, get out" like in case i forgot.

"I wanna get out! Can you help me??" I reached down and grabbed him by his waist. Hoisted him up to my hip and carried him out like a toddler. A nice grown man.

This poor man was a mess.

No one mentioned i was covered in cyanide. For 3 hours until when my skin began to itch "you need,to shower"

"When you finally get covered in killer germs you don't care Because you found someone more important, more desperate. Someone more in a bad situation.,then you don't even notice"

"You trained me not to. Could I at least get an SOS pads for my bath?"

Every one wore a gas mask around me. Even the kid. For three days Anthony did.

"Snoop said you can't go in his car covered in,gas,like,that so we got a rental car"

"You gonna drive in that gas mask?"

"Yeah. Sounds fun. We have to roll down the Windows for you to breathe. I know downtown LA but... And also we got you w hotel. You are covered in cyanide!! No on wants you home. But i do"

I think... It was the first time in my life any one ever gave me a bath while wearing a gas mask.

We had to,change,3 hotel rooms. So i wouldn't pollute the place up.

"See? You yelled at me and you're all jist as bad,and,won't even let,me,see my kid"

"Yeah well you trained us to be extra careful. More cautious than sorry"

Gaberiel. Alex Laughlin slept in bed next to me. In a gas,mask.

Sometimes I couldn't sleep. Thinkin about that man and my grandpa.

And I'd look down at the man next,to me. Pased out. Looking like an innocent kid himself.

I adored him. I felt so much love that a person would be in,danger for me. I shook his gas,mask gently

"What you woke me up what do you want? It was on purpose, too"

"Do you think that man knowed i cared? That I might love someone other than myself?"

"We treat you as though you are selfish because you sre using self harm and you don't understand it. No one is supposed to gargle with bleach? What If you swallowed it?"

"It burns my nostrils any way"

"That's not the point but baby doll. You could kill yourself and we wouldn't have you no more. That is,the point.,that is why we called you selfish. Your addiction to cleanliness could,kill you snd no one,wants that to happen. But look what you do. Go,in a gas,chamber FULL of gas with only a half mask on. You're lucky you don't go blind. But look st it this way. We pushed too hard and in the wrong way and you did drink bleach on purpose in desperation to be clean. It was undiluted, too. I know. I watched you. And you Didjt say anything. Just smiled and said "i feel" i wanted to,slap you then for not listening. But when you pushed me back so you could leave,tje room through the door i was blocking. You didnt act like nothing happened. You felt like nothing happened. And I realized we were doing something wrong then two,weeks later you tell us why it was so,important to be kept clean and germs off of you. And i wanted to die for the way snoop and I had been mistreating you. And that is why I started the gas chambers of criminals to honor Yoir grandpa for working at the prison to keep,them in line. End,it for your grandpa and avenge his death with revenge. It would be what healed you both. And next time call the police when someone is being poisoned."

"She did it when i,was asleep. I would fall asleep all kinds of times of days to be with him. I promised when i was a young kid that i wouldn't let him die alone. Not by her. And when i woke up I was too groggy to remember what was going on. I thought it was a dream a bad one i hoped it wasn't real but it was and i can't get over this feeling this fear.. That had me at constant companion"

"What does that mean my love?"

"Evil. My grandpa said"

So y'all in,this world of 2020

Keep,calm.

It is,gonna be okay.

[reprimandedbyevil]

Help I needeth ideas!

So, a lil bit of backstory, I was writing an Umbrella Academy fanfic, slow burn Klaus x Five, but I got stuck.... any advice?

Here we go:

Five only ever wanted to get home to Klaus. His whole world was turned upside down when he realized that there was no way that he could get home. He had promised that he would never abandon him. Never leave Klaus at the mercy of the darkness that plagued his mind.

Klaus.

Klaus.

Klaus is always correlated with clouds. Five knows that every time he sees a cloud, even in the post apocalyptic hell hole that he got trapped in, he always thought of Klaus.

The most beautiful thing in the world.

Klaus.

It broke Five’s heart to see Klaus as he’d become. He had to pretend not to remember.

********flashback*********

Darkness curled like warm shadows around him and his heart. He had nightmares, his Klaus. About abandonment, about the dead that plague him, about Father. The mausoleum. All the scarring things thrust upon him undeservingly.

“Hey.” Klaus’ voice was quiet, almost as if it were a shallow, fragile thing, set to break if pressed.

“Hmm?” Five hums.

“Pick…. Pick a name. I refuse to call you Five forever.” Klaus’ voice came out stronger this time, but broke at the end. “P-Please?” Five appreciated when Klaus felt confident around him.

Especially when he feels good enough to take charge and demand what he wants.

“Okay. I don’t know what I would call myself though. I live and breathe the number Dad gave me.” Five said honestly. Even in his memory, he’d never been this easily vulnerable with Delores, or anyone else either. It terrified him, but still gave him the thrill that was always present when Klaus was around.

(End flashback)

He'd left before he or Klaus could pick a name. Upon his return, Five felt like crying at what Klaus had done to himself. He'd always had impulse control issues, but this was much worse than that. This was a conscious effort on his part to destroy himself. Five could understand, objectively, why he'd want to do that, given his power, but it didnt hurt any less. And Klaus seemed to be trying to forget everything.

Five had gone to Klaus to be his 'father' because he wanted to spend as much time with him as he could, but Klaus was unwilling unless he got something out of it.

"Come on, Luther and Diego would ask too many questions, and I'm not asking Allison because she's famous and apparently everyone knows she only has a daughter." Five said, because he refused to label this as begging.

"Hmm, maybe. But what do I get out of it?" The question wouldn't seem that far off for a junkie, but Five knew, the look of knowing in Klaus' eyes screaming a hidden intelligence and clarity beyond the capacity he shows the world. Five knew what the message underlining those words, and it was cruel. They weren't the same as they used to be, Klaus didn't love him the same anymore. And that broke Five to pieces. Klaus was his reason for survival, the only reason he wanted to come back in the first place. And now that was gone. Five steeled himself.

"I-I'll pay you... uh yeah, I'll pay you." Five stuttered, still recovering. Klaus narrowed his eye. He'd always had a good ear for weakness, and bullshit.

"How much?" He crossed his long arms over a narrow chest.

"Twenty? Please Klaus!" Five offered. He saw as Klaus softened some.

At this, Klaus turned at began speaking in a low voice, as if conversing with someone else. Five caught bits of it, but none of it made sense.

"Fine, Ben agrees that this is reasonable. But I'm not gonna be a conventional father." He uncrossed his arms, offering a hand to Five, as well as a small smile.

"Of course not, I wouldn't expect that. You? Normal? I doubt it well ever happen. Normalcy is overrated." Five's voice betrayed none of his cautiousness, but he suspected that Klaus knew when he caught Five sneaking a subdued glance. Five didn't know how well the banter would sit at this moment.

Five had always been confident, and oftentimes arrogant in his intellect and body, but now he didn't know how he would be received by the most important person in his entire universe.

The meeting with the doctor went about as Five had expected it to, and he admired the ease at which Klaus manipulated the doc to give them what they wanted. In his humble opinion, the best part of the whole thing was on the drive back, when Klaus pet his hair the way he used to before Five got stuck in the apocalypse. It felt good, but Klaus had stopped when Five almost fell asleep behind the wheel. Five had felt as though he was walking on air for the rest of the day.

They got back to the house and both went into Five's room, where he'd set up all his equations and work. Klaus bounced on the bed and looked over the equations, while Five looked at Klaus. Have was just like Five remembered, but more scarred. He was still slender, pale and beautiful. His soft black hair spiked manically to match its owner.

"You're math is wrong. There are a lot of errors that you might want to fix." Klaus' words snapped Five out of his reverie.

"What? No it isn't, it can't be!" Five launched himself in Klaus' general direction, and ended up landing half on top of the other. Klaus just took it in stride, wrapping a long arm around Five's chest, his other hand coming up to pet his hair again.

"It is, I'll tell you." Klaus explained everything that was wrong with Five's math, but the younger only listened for about three minutes until his mind went a little blank and his entire focus landed on Klaus hand in his hair, soothing and lulling him into a daze.

Chapter 2: Til the next beat

Klaus flopped down on the couch in the library, crashing from the adrenaline after Ben announced that Luther was safely upstairs with the girl from the club. Not even five minutes later, he heard the front door slam shut, and Allison's panicked voice carrying through the house. Sighing, Klaus got up, and retrieved the med kit they kept under the false bottom on the coffee table.

Just as he got everything taken out and prepared for use, Diego rushed in, immediately moving toward the table, and carefully placing Five down. Panic flooded Klaus' mostly absent mind at the sight, bringing his full attention to the scene before him.

"What the fuck happened to him?" Klaus sounded vaguely distant, as his mind reeled. Diego waved absently, and took off toward the foyer, leaving a flustered and sputtering Allison in his wake.

"Apparently Five was shot at the Commission before he even got back here, and he finally passed out." She spoke so bluntly, focused on her bleeding brother. Klaus could hardly breathe. When Diego and Allison brought Five in, Klaus thought he'd just gotten hammered again, like the library thing he made Klaus swear never to speak of. Five had been shot, by the Commission.

Anger coursed through Klaus' body and mind, flooding his vision with crimson rage. The Commission couldn't just leave it at fucking up the world and trying to completely destroy it, no, they had to try and kill the only person who really gave a damn about trying to stop it. Except for Luther, but at the moment, even that is debatable.

Allison turned around, eyeing him curiously, even as her hands kept working.

"You okay there, Klaus?" She asked. At her brother's confused expression, she smiled in thin amusement. "You were talking out loud there, buddy." She finally turned back to Five's unconscious form lying on the table.

"You mind giving me a hand here?" She held out a pristine roll of white gauze, and a pair of powdery blue gloves. Klaus took them, and slipped on the gloves, immediately beginning to clean some of the blood from around the wound with a sterile wipe from the kit. Allison prepared the saline wash, and at Klaus' nod, poured it over the wound. At this, Five lurched up, gasping at the pain.

After wrestling a noncompliant Five back down, and finishing cleaning and wrapping his wound, Klaus stood, and partially lifted Five from the table, before turning to Allison.

"You clean up, I'll take him up to his room, and make sure Luther is still breathing up there." Allison nodded her assent, and Klaus turned, wrapping one of Five's scrawny arms around his shoulder, and placing one of his own gently around the other's waist, taking the brunt of the boy's already small weight.

The stairs were slow-going, but Klaus didn't mind too much, happy to help the younger-older teen. Five seemed uncharacteristically shy, but kept his arm firmly around Klaus shoulders. As they cleared the insurmountable stairs, and arrived at Five's door, Klaus began to pull away. At Five's slightly disappointed expression, Klaus smiled.

"You unlock your door, and I'll go check on Luther, but stay here, lord knows your room is a death trap." This earned a dry look, but a small light of unguarded happiness brightened Five's eyes. Klaus walked down the hall, leaving Five leaning against his doorway, fishing out his key from the tattered blazer of the school uniform. Klaus turned back to look at him, a small smile on his face, then ventured down the hall to Luther's room. The closer he got though, the clearer he could make out the sounds of the girl laughing and the distinct sound of kissing. Klaus' smile grew and he spun around on his heel, turning back and marching back up the hall to Five's bedroom.

As requested, the boy still stood, leaning against the doorway, a knowing smirk in place. Klaus smirked back, and helped the other into his room. Suddenly Five blushed furiously, ducking his head.

"Can, uh, can you help me with my clothes?" Five asked, shy yet again. Klaus smiled, and pulled the boy closer.

"Of course." Five helped him remove his blazer, followed by his dress shirt, and finally his under shirt. The boy fidgeted nervously as Klaus smiled again, seating the boy on the edge of his bed.

"You want another under shirt?" Klaus asked, as he began to work on getting Five's shoes and socks off.

"U-um sure." Five said, taken slightly off guard. "Could you also um, he-help me with m-my pants?" Klaus knew what he was going to ask, and looked up with a knowing smile.

"Sure." Klaus finished his footwear, and gently pulled the younger boy back to his feet. Slowly, telegraphing all of his motions well in advance, Klaus unbuckled Five's shorts, and began pulling them down the teen's legs. Klaus was silently thankful that his brother wasn't one to go commando, elsewise making this while thing all the more uncomfortable. After Klaus had successfully shed Five of the majority of his clothes, Klaus retrieved the new shirt and helped Five into it, before pushing him back, and settling him into his bed for the night.

"Klaus, do you hate me?" The question seemed unintentionally asked, judging by the look on Five's face after he spoke.

"No, of course not." Klaus responded softly, beginning to pet the boy's hair the way Klaus knew always put him to sleep. "I could never hate you Five." Klaus muttered, already seeing Five's eyes drop shut.

"Good, that would make me sad." Five responded sleepily, nuzzling into the older's hand like a cat. Klaus continued petting him until he knew Five had drifted off to sleep.

Klaus stood, and padded quietly out of the room, closing his brother's door with a final look at his sleeping form, chest rising and falling evenly with his breaths. A relieved breath left Klaus that he hadn't been aware he was holding.

Klaus made his way to his own room, absentmindedly going through the motions of his normal routine before falling into his own bed. The images had burned themselves into the backs of this eyelids, both of Five unconscious and bleeding out, and of him sleeping peacefully next to Klaus.

The nasty little thought threaded into his mind, and Klaus quickly reprimanded himself. He was many things, but pedophile wasn't one of them, and never would be. With this sad, yet necessary thought, Klaus allowed himself to drop into sleep.

Chapter 3: Out Of Hand part 1

Five's heart skipped a beat, well, a bunch of times actually. But specifically when Klaus summoned Ben right there in front of them, just to protect them. Klaus seemed just as stunned at the rest of them though, but no one had much time to dwell then. Vanya continued to play, and destroy the world. The plan was set, and in the end, it failed, as per usual for the Umbrella Kids. Five didn't know if the jump would work with so many people, but when everyone began to de-age to 13 again, he knew SOMETHING was working. they began to travel the paths quickly, but Five could still hear when the 'mushroom cloud' blowout finally reached the Icarus Theater.

"Five, where the fuck are we?" Allison, vocal cords now repaired, shouted, turning around and around, taking in their surroundings. Five rolled his eyes at his melodramatic siblings. Klaus and Ben were staring at each other, while Diego and a Vanya-laden Luther looked around frantically.

"Relax, these are just the jump paths. We choose a path, and when we reach the end, we will have traveled to another time. It's not nearly as time consuming for me alone as I assume this will be." Five looked around, counting the crystalline blue winding paths, trying to find where the path for their 13 year old world would be. Five thought gruffly. Diego and Luther immediately began spluttering and trying to ask stunted questions over one another.

"Oh my fucking god! Will you idiots just shut the fuck up?!" Five wheeled around, taking in his siblings appearances. Klaus looked as beautiful and ruffled as he always had at 13, while Luther, still carrying the unconscious Vanya, was back to his pre-simian injection. Diego looked basically like a prepubescent version of his adult self. Five decided, turning briskly, and marching toward the path to 2002, where they belonged for this age. Green mist began to plume in from an unknown opening, as they neared they're doorway. The doorway dropped them out into Five's bedroom, Klaus sprawled beautifully across his bed, and Ben sending up pushed up against the wall.

Chapter 4: Out Of Hand part 2

"Alright, up you get! Out of Five's room, time to be 13 again!" Ben said peppily. Klaus immediately buried himself underneath Five's blankets. Ben was already pulling Luther and Diego to their feet.

"Why are we in such a hurry?" Allison asked, confused. Her voice, it seemed, was back in full force, if a little hoarse. Vanya, still asleep, was again lifted into Luther's arms and all of them were herded out of the room by Ben, who quietly shut the door behind them.

Five shook his head fondly at his considerate, yet eccentric sibling. He turned back to his bed, and saw the curled mass of blankets, a frown tugging at his lips.

"K-Klaus? Are you -" Five approached the shaking boy, concern evident in his voice. Carefully avoiding touching the other, Five drew back the blanket, taking in Klaus' twitching hands and scared expression, as well as his whited out eyes. "Are you okay? Klaus?" Seconds continued to pass, feeling like hours to Five as he stared at the other boy.

Suddenly, Klaus shot upright, a scream rattling the walls. Five immediately caught Klaus' hands, bringing them to rest over his heart, beating steady, to give the panicked boy something to focus on. Klaus began to rock back and forth, eyes wide and breath coming in heavy pants. Slowly, Five drew the slightly bigger boy against his chest, pressing against Klaus' back.

When Klaus' breathing began to level out, he began to squirm restlessly. On instinct, Five's arms tightened around the other, wanting to keep him close. Before long, Klaus pulled away, and Five reluctantly let him, choking down a whine at the loss of physical comfort.

After a beat of awkward silence, Five took a deep breath.

"So, um.... What was that?" He asked uncomfortably, out of his element. The boy didn't like not knowing something. As soon as the question crossed his lips, Klaus winced a little, curling in on himself. Five immediately reached out, tangling his fingers in Klaus' hair, the other boy visibly relaxing a little.

"Ghost writing." It was said so quietly, Five almost missed it. Five stayed silent as Klaus took a deep breath, steeling himself to continue. "When ghosts appear, sometimes they're stronger than the rest, and they project their final minutes of life. On me. It's like it's me, but not quite. Like a memory, but not mine." He sounded stronger now, but Five could still detect the waiver in his voice as he spoke.

For a moment, Five's world was dark. When it cleared, Klaus was on his back beneath him, hands dancing across his back as their lips moved against each other. Five deepened the kiss, tongue flicking out along the seam of Klaus' own, beggin entrance. Klaus opened his mouth to Five's exploration, groaning at the other's soothing weight bearing down on him, grounding his mind in the present.

Five leaned up, pushing away from Klaus' warm body to brush his confining blazer off his shoulders. Klaus' eyes immediately widened as a look of pure terror marred his face. Five peered at him confusedly, taking in the other's blown pupils and his flushed and dishevelled appearance. Suddenly, Klaus was pushing Five off and away from him, rushing in his effort to get away.

"Klaus? What's wrong?" He asked unsurely. Klaus looked back him longingly.

"We, we c-can't do this Five. You're still a kid to me, even if you're 58, and we know I'm 30. We just can't do this right away like everything's fine and there's nothing wrong with it." Klaus' eyes bounced around the room as he spoke, nodding as if to reassure himself before he abruptly turned and bolted out the door.

*************************

Five knew it was hopeless, but he wanted him to have come back. He hadn't left his room aside from dinner to keep up appearances for his father. Even still, his eyes kept drifting back to the beautiful man who'd rejected him since he came back. He knew he loved Klaus more than anything else on the planet.

Lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling in sadness and longing. Five knew that he was being an overdramatic child, and he knew that Klaus' reasons for rejecting him were valid, but....... He wanted him to come back! He wanted to keep kissing Klaus, and touching him. He could still feel the amazing warmth that the other boy had put off. It felt so good though, and he wanted that feeling back. Jesus, Five sounded pouty even to him. Five couldn't bring himself to care too much, not when he could still feel Klaus hands on him like raging fever. He never wanted that feeling to go away.

Chapter 5: Walk in my shoes

Klaus landed with a huff on the bed, blinking rapidly to adjust his eyes to the different lighting. Between one blink and the next, Klaus found himself in the pitch dark. His skin began to prickle, all the hair on his arms standing on end. He didn’t know where he was, but he knew that he wasn’t safe. A crash behind him made him jump, and he dashed off further into the darkness in hopes that whoever it was wouldn’t see him, although he knew it was wrong.

Objectively, he knew that Klaus was safe, but he also knew that he wasn’t currently in the body or mind of Klaus Hargreeves.

"Maaaagiiiieeeee” a voice whispered, echoing horrifically across the walls and ceiling of the cavernous abyss. The body, Maggie apparently, pushed herself harder, her breath coming out is resonant gasps.

"MMaaaaaagiieeeeee” The voice rasped again, closer now, yet still echoing, as if there was no single location source of sound. As if the walls themself said it, and were repeating it in her face. She ran as fast as her body could take her, until she hit a wall. She spun, pressing her back against the wall, and covering her mouth, in a poor attempt to stifle her ragged breaths. Hands grabbed her arms tightly, and pain surged across the back of her head as they jerked her forward and slammed her back against the wall hard.

*****************************************************************

Cold was the first thing Maggie registered. Cold all around her, on her legs, her face, her back and her arms. The cold targeted her wrists and her ankles. Bright fluorescent lights pushed against her eyelids harshly, forcing her eyes open. There was one shop light hung directly over her, bathing her head to toe. She realized that she was stripped naked, and felt the sting of long cuts running up her sides.

What scared Klaus worst was that the pain this girl endured through her brutal rape and torture wasn’t the worst that Klaus himself had felt. He’d felt worse in his life, and he had experienced other people’s deaths that were worse than Maggie’s. Like Jay Galreas. He was killed slowly, over the course of three weeks, luckily Klaus only saw the last hour of his life, but the pain in that hour was excruciating.

When Klaus burst awake, Maggie’s final scream tore from him, echoing violently off the walls. Klaus barely registered hands grabbing his, pressing them into a solid wall of muscle. He could feel a solid thumping against his hands, trapped between the warmth of someone’s chest, and their warm hands. He began to rock back and forth, trying to shake Maggie’s fear from his very bones. Whoever was holding him drew him closer, turning him slightly so that his back was pressed tightly to the other’s chest. As he began to calm, the heatwave that the other person was putting off was making him WAY too hot, so he tried to pull away. The strong arms wrapped around his body tightened some, before allowing him to move away. Reluctant to leave the safety, but needing an escape from the suffocating heat, he pulled away, and turned to face his security blanket. Five took a deep breath, and looked away awkwardly.

"So, um.... What was that?" Five asked uncomfortably, seeming far too unsure of himself for his normally arrogant personality. Klaus winced a little, curling in on himself. The other boy immediately reached out, tangling his fingers in Klaus' hair. It felt good, and gave him something other than the boiling cavern of self loathing and darkness trying really hard to pour out.

"Ghost writing." Klaus said quietly, almost hoping Five wouldn’t hear, and will leave. Five stayed silent as Klaus took a deep breath, steeling himself to continue. "When ghosts appear, sometimes they're stronger than the rest, and they project their final hours of life. On me. It's like it's me, but not quite. Like a memory, but not mine." Klaus wasn’t totally sure how to make him understand, but he explained on, hoping the smarter boy would get it.

Suddenly, Five surged forward, kissing him softly. Klaus wasn’t sure what was happening at first, and when the confusion faded, he quickly kissed the other back roughly. As they continued kissing roughly, Five began to move them, pushing Klaus was on his back beneath him, hands dancing across his back as their lips moved against each other. Five deepened the kiss, tongue flicking out along the seam of Klaus' own, beggin entrance. Klaus opened his mouth to Five's exploration, groaning at the other's soothing weight bearing down on him, grounding his mind in the present.

Five leaned up, pushing away from Klaus' warm body to brush his confining blazer off his shoulders. Klaus' eyes immediately widened as a look of pure terror marred his face. Something about the boy he’d always kept 13 in his mind looking absolutely debauched, his lips bright red and spit slicked from their rough kissing made Klaus stomach turn, and for a moment his mind flashed back to green felt pressed against his cheek, the side pocket seeming miles away. Suddenly, Klaus was pushing Five off and away from him, rushing in his effort to get away.

"Klaus? What's wrong?" He asked unsurely. Klaus looked back him longingly, he knew that he loved him, and wanted him way more than was acceptable for even adoptive brothers.

"We, we c-can't do this Five. You're still a kid to me, even if you're 58, and we know I'm 30. We just can't do this right away like everything's fine and there's nothing wrong with it." Klaus' eyes bounced around the room as he spoke, nodding as if to reassure himself before he abruptly turned and bolted out the door.

*****************************************************************

Seeing Five at dinner, and trying to pretend like there was nothing wrong, more than usual anyway, was difficult. The other boy kept looking at him with a mix of confusion, sadness and longing, as if he wanted to curl up with him in bed, like they used to when they were kids for real. The only thing keeping him from this, and so much more, was remembering what it felt like to be Maggie. To be him, in that room, underground. He remembered what it was like to drown his pain and try not to look at the pool tables that littered every bar in America, for fear of remembering the feeling of being chained to one of them, the lights bright overhead, and dimming everything else into almost complete darkness.