#WHEW this was a chunky one i am SO

[a-flickering-soul]

i've been getting into spg for the last few months now, and i'm noticing there's really not much about these characters on the internet. (the spg wiki is Very Short.) you mind unpacking some lore about the bots?

(this is also an invitation to infodump. believe me when i say i Want to hear about these funky little automatons)

Sorry about the two lengthy SPG asks in one day! I'm putting this one below the cut because it is LITERALLY 2.4k man I did NOT come to play with this one! For what it's worth, you may find this ask interesting, as I've linked some good lore sources I frequent a lot :)

Rabbit: The first to be built! She named herself Rabbit after one of the animals in the lab she was built in, which I think is very endearing of her. She's Victorian clockwork/steampunk-inspired, and out of all the automatons is the one to maintain the most of her original vintage workings, which means she's also the one to malfunction the most <3 girl things fr. Rabbit is a wonderful character because she is Bunny Bennett's special special OC and gets to have so so many problems because of it. I am serious when I say most things usually happen to Rabbit. She is the Special Girl of SPG lore. This is NOT my own bias showing up, I PROMISE.

Rabbit has everything bad happen to her. Red Core, which is THEE Rabbit comic and something I read on a semi-regular basis to experience shrimp emotions through, goes through her backstory being trans (this robot is trans) and it peels me every time. I won't recap it but I think everyone who likes trans robots should read it even though it is as of yet incomplete. Lore-wise, it's interesting because it establishes that she was originally meant to look like Delilah Morreo (certainly a choice, Peter Walter I), and was sent to war in an incomplete, half-broken body which I certainly have a lot of thoughts about (it's the lack of AGENCY it's the way she spent the war VOICELESS it's the way she was denied the chance to be finished for a CENTURY it's--). Following that, about half a century later it was her core specifically that was stolen by the Beciles in 1950 in an attempt to replicate her Blue Matter power source. This tinkering inadvertently sent a beam of pure energy ripping through time and space, causing an explosion that claimed the lives of Peter Walter II and Guy Hottie (real name), and injuring Peter Walter III, Ignatius Becile, and Norman Becile. Rabbit, to this day, still blames herself for this because god forbid women have one good day. This also was the point in time that split the events of the Vice Quadrant into Timelines A and B, due to the generative power of Blue Matter, and also maybe created Cosmica? Which begs the question if Rabbit is sort of like Cosmica's mom in a weird way, but that's beside the point. In 2014, her original blueprints were discovered after a series of worsening malfunctions led Peter Walter VI to search for a way to repair or upgrade her, resulting in the confirmation of what Rabbit had known all along--that she was in an unfinished and slipshod chassis, that she was a girl, and she deserved to be recognized as such. Which is cool :') and a really neat way to work in her creator's IRL transition :') and for sure doesn't make me feel things.

Some cool facts I've just gleaned about Rabbit over the past eight-odd months are that she has memory problems, fell in love with a toaster, knows what BDSM is (SWEAR to god this is true), likes feeding ducks, and has a laser cannon in one eye, hence the heterochromia. There also is this cool series of drawings showing Rabbit's evolution drawn by Bunny here, which is really interesting to look at! In case it's not obvious, she's my favorite and I love her and I think about her too much <3

The Spine: The Spine is a special, special old man. With a retro-futuristic aesthetic, he was built with a titanium alloy spine (that's his Back Story), and before he got upgrades in 1955, was fashioned with a high amount of steam vents running up and down his vertebrae that kind of looked like old-fashioned train smokestacks, which is very endearing. In 1955, as I mentioned earlier, he got a ton of upgrades funding exclusively by the US government improving his weaponry, as well as an upgrade to his AI and programming making him much more humanistic, more personable and more able to mimic how humans moved in order to make it easier, once they were inevitably drafted again, for him to take up dangerous military operations without risking human lives. It's to my knowledge unclear if he was built like this or if this was part of that 1955 upgrade, but he is also able to detach his head and spine from his torso and limbs and actually slither around like a snake, which some people think is weird but I think is very endearing and fun! He hangs out a lot in the Hall of Wires since he's one of the few inhabitants of Walter Manor that can actually climb up towards the ceiling and presumably debug or repair the AIs, and also because it's the only room in the entire Manor with a door.

I love the Spine because I think the evolution of his role in the band is incredibly funny. If you watch the earlier Balboa and Zoo-era performances, he plays the straight man of the band in a stoic, but also kind of dumb way. He doesn't really know what's a bit and what's serious, but it's okay because he's really trying his best. Now, as the straight man of the group, he's so so old and tired. He really just wants to go back home and power off and who can blame him? By dint of the current lineup being a Black robot, a trans gay robot, and a white guy robot, he is now the butt by default of most jokes which is delightful to Me and boy, does he shoulder that weight with begrudging grace. My special, special old man. Watching him get made fun of onstage is kind of like watching someone give a very old and tired dog a pill, and I mean that in the most affectionate way possible.

Cool facts about the Spine include the fact that he's really into cowboys and the Wild West, he has actually never really been in love, he secretly thinks Saturdays are Just Okay, and he actually swears the most out of all of the members of the band (at least as of now).

The Jon: The Jon is an interesting little guy. He has a cool Art Deco style and is known for being a little more whimsical, young, and off-the-cuff as opposed to the others. What's interesting about his backstory is that while Peter Walter I was mucking around with his power core trying to bring him to life, some switch flipped or some level was triggered and a minor explosion occurred. By the time the smoke cleared, the Jon was alive and sentient and there was a void in his chest instead of a power source. Unlike his siblings, he didn't run on clockwork, or hydraulics, or anything of the sort. He appeared to sustain himself on the void sealed in his chassis, which contained only a koi fish and a hot dog floating in space. He tends to have a certain effect on people blurring the lines between fantasy and reality, and odd coincidences seem to follow him like a well-trained dog.

In 1992, the Jon went through his own upgrade--Walter Robotics, always looking for ways to boost their quarterly revenue, signed an ad deal with PepsiCo advertising Crystal Pepsi. The Jon was modified to run solely on Crystal Pepsi, which. . . as you can see by the popularity of Crystal Pepsi right now (sarcasm), it obviously didn't go well. The Jon's efficiency is tied to an out-of-production soda and his machinery refused to be retroactively fitted to water again. To prevent the inevitable from happening, he left around 2012 through one of those Blue Matter portals through to a sister dimension (in fact, the same one Peter Walter I discovered back in 1896) known as Kazooland, where we are assured he now serves as the Mayor of Biscuittown (presumably, it is up to us to determine how much of this is true and how much of it is the Jon trying to sound cool).

Cool facts about the Jon include the fact that he and Zer0 are besties, animals love him, and that the very first show that Steam Powered Giraffe did all the way back in 2009 was about them going back in time to get him more Crystal Pepsi.

Upgrade: I used to be neutral about Upgrade but then I watched all the busking videos and also the 10 year anniversary show and now I love her. She was the Girl Of The Group (TM) all the way back in their busking era in 2009-2010 and her ongoing bit was that she was in love with the Spine and also knew exactly how adorable she was. However, she can be stubborn when she wants to be, and her AI is permanently frozen in the QWERTY 1996 OS because she really just liked the 90s I guess.

I for one am completely fascinated by Upgrade's lore because it's noted that during the Weekend War and WWI, she served in the military presumably doing the same sort of things the other bots were doing, then as a medical nurse in WWII, indicating that the governmental military contract really played fast and loose with whether or not they could enlist woman-coded robots in the war effort. What's notable to me, though, is that during the Vietnam War, Upgrade specifically went on to protest the war with the hippy movement while the others served in the war. How did that happen? Were they just allowed to opt out whenever they wanted? Are these robots really willing Vietnam War vets? Did Upgrade out of all of them just have enough guts to run away? Anyways, she was brought back into the fold about four years after the war ended, just in time to a few decades later get Sharpied with facial hair while the robots trial-ran a boy band concept. She ultimately left to go be a princess and become actual royalty. I swear to god I read somewhere that Upgrade killed Princess Diana but for the life of me I cannot find it. Know that it haunts me.

Upgrade facts include the fact that she is an actual princess, her makeup out of all of them is most inspired by classic vaudeville, and it was her and Rabbit's roles during their busking era to banter with the audience while the Spine and the Jon tuned their guitars.

Hatchworth: Hatchworth was built in the frantic few months before Peter Walter I had to face Thaddeus Becile in battle and presumably the poor man was turning anything metal into a robot. Hence, Hatchworth's design--he was initially constructed out of an old-fashioned bronze wood stove. Walter chose this robot to experiment with his Blue Matter levels, and with one tiny change in concentration he accidentally created a Blue Portal into another dimension in his hatch. This was incredibly useful in battle, as almost any weapon could be summoned through the hatch--after the war, it was used to summon sandwiches for the growing Walter family. All was well and good, until an as-of-yet unnoticed hairline fracture in his core began making the portal act unstable, coming to a peak in 1938. After accidentally summoning a pack (herd? flock?) of badgers into the middle of a tea party he was serving, he was determined too damaged to fix for now by anyone other than an ailing Peter Walter I, and locked in a lead vault deep below the manor while Peter Walters II and III tried to find a fix. Decades later, he was found hallucinating and lonely by our boy Peter Walter VI, who was stricken with his own Blue Matter mishap and had an inkling of how to fix the old robot. One thing led to another, and now thankfully we are all 99.9% Hatchworth acclimated!

Hatchworth facts….he left the band to go Gold Fishing (with some degree of success), he has incredibly fancy shoes that are also inexplicably tiny sometimes, he has a Hello Kitty cell phone, he does know how to cross himself, and Zer0 tried to microwave his head once.

Zer0: Myyyyyy sweetest and most special boy Zer0. Zer0 was actually technicallyyyyy the first one built, since he originated from three separate rudimentary prototypes Peter Walter I fused together after testing out various weapon designs. As a result, he's incredibly robust, very powerful, and has a cobbled-together patchwork appearance. Unfortunately, as he didn't have much by way of singing at the time, he fell to the wayside after the Weekend War and was forgotten down in the basements and testing labs sealed miles below Walter Manor. In 1992, the AI Beebop found him while archiving documents and turned him on. Zer0, enamored with the evolution of music over the past century, taught himself how to sing exclusively from the old Motown records in the basement with him. Peter Walter V, upon hearing his voice, was so awestruck that he immediately repaired him and Zer0 became the face of the band (#Zer0OurShiningStar). Zer0 then absolutely skyrocketed in popularity, signed with a TV show, and subsequently became so famous Walter Robotics had to erase all content of him from their market because they lost the rights to his appearance and voice. Sadly, our sweet boy invested all his money in "the abstract concept of love", lost all his money, sold one single copy of a bad autobiography, and came back home to Walter Manor with naught but a yacht to his name. He very graciously returned to performing in Steam Powered Giraffe, where his lovely vocals can be heard to this day.

Zer0 facts include the fact that he got a brand deal to sell his own kind of overly sugary cereal, he fell in love with a "large-chested lamppost" once, he likes possums, he would collect worms on strings if he could, and his defining characteristic is joy <3

I hope this was somewhat readable and comprehensive! I think…..I covered everyone out of the automatons, unless there is another member about to crawl out of the woodwork somewhere. Best of luck in your lore-hunting! I hope this helped :)

[2seokfan]

Scarlet & Hazel | Ch. 3

pairings: hoseok x reader x yoongi

genre: fluff, very light angst, smut (future)

word count: 6k

chapters: ch.1, ch.2, ch.3. ch.4

summary: 

Just cause you’re living paycheck to paycheck in a tiny apartment even after graduating college doesn’t mean you’re not happy. So what if your best friend is working her dream job making close to six figures every year?  So what if she’s in a loving, committed relationship with her perfect boyfriend that you’re 99% sure is going to propose to her sometime next year? It doesn’t matter that your idea of a perfect relationship is a $9.99 bottle of wine on Friday nights while you binge watch Netflix specials.

Ok so maybe you’re a teensy bit miserable. Maybe you have no idea what you’re doing with your life. Maybe all you need to do is accidentally cross paths with two hybrids who will drastically change that.

Meet “Scarlet” and “Hazel”, two of the most gorgeous hybrid men you have ever laid eyes on. With their help, you learn that life is an adventure, a roller-coaster with ups and downs, and you were too preoccupied with yourself to climb out of your own predicament. And hey, you’re not much of a romantic, but with these two, you just might change your mind.

a/n: Hello, Jun here! Whew this took a while to write but thank you for your patience!! (poor Y/N still doesn’t know their real names but maybe she’ll find out soon?) Any feedback is appreciated <3 

tag list: @wilhelminalucinda​ @ghostkat23​ @ayoo-bangtan​ @sadgurllayha

2 months later.

August is relentless. You’re sweaty all the time and you have no choice but the crank up the a/c every single day. This heat wave is incredibly brutal because all you want to do is stay at home eating ice cream in your underwear but instead you’re stuck working overtime to pay for what you assume will be a record-high electricity bill. Fuck you global warming. 

It’s currently Tuesday. You’re on lunch break at work, chowing down on a falafel wrap and scrolling through your phone, when a text pops up from Karli.

Karli: Don’t forget!

You: ???

Karli: This friday?

You scratch your head. Wtf?

You: What’s on friday?

Karli: Umm the date? Remember?

No you didn’t. Your dumbass actually forgot about a whole date. You can’t believe yourself. Karli finally set you up with that accountant guy from her job. What’s his name again? Brad? Brandon?

You: oh yeah! my bad haha

Karli: You forgot his name didn’t you?

You: …maybe

Karli: Lol it’s Bryce sweetie

Karli: He’s really sweet! Just give it a shot

You: of course i will

You: i’ll turn up my maximum charm

Karli: Dats my girlllll

Karli: Ugh gtg it’s my boss

Karli: Bye!

You: bye babe

You set your phone down, trying to envision this upcoming Friday. Karli mentioned she gave Bryce your phone number, and he’ll text you sometime this week about your date, so at least you don’t have to make any moves first. She did show you his picture though, being the wingman that she is by stalking all his social media just for you. You’ve gotta admit he is cute, the profile picture showed him sporting a casual smile, with blonde hair and blue eyes. The classic boy-next-door look.

“And he’s most likely not a serial killer!” You remember her declaring a few weeks ago, after scrolling through all his tweets. And when you say all his tweets you mean EVERY Single tweet from when he created his account in high school till now. Your best friend does not fuck around. 

“Thanks I appreciate that. Glad he’ll ‘most likely’ not kill me.” You rolled your eyes and grinned at her.

While you munch away the rest of your lunch, you think about how you just aren’t acting like yourself lately. In any other circumstance, you would’ve found yourself more excited for the date. Hell, in any other circumstance you would’ve at LEAst remembered his name, or thought about what to wear by now, or even stalked his social media along with Karli. There’s just a teensy problem though. See, in the past few months you happen to have met two boys who completely changed your standards in men. And you may have maybe developed the tiniest crush on both of them, at the same time. Like how?? You didn’t think you were physically capable of doing that?

You sigh, staring at the rest of your falafel wrap, and force yourself to accept reality. As much as you adore them, you know that your little crush will be completely unreciprocated. This you found out through your group chat, now named ‘Hazel’s Nuts’ (courtesy of Scarlet). It’s not that you confessed to them or anything, they just happened to let slip to you one day that they’re a mated pair. And hybrids mate for life, so they take that shit very seriously. Although this news stung a little, it didn’t cause you to be envious in any way. At the end of the day, crush or not, you’re just glad you have two more people in your life you can confidently call your close friends.

For the past two months you’ve actively kept up with them. Sometimes you’ll send memes back and forth all night, sometimes you’ll group call each other after work. Every once in a while, when they’re not busy doing whatever it is they’re doing, they facetime you. These are your favorite moments because you get to see them in all their attractive glory. Just because they don’t like you that way doesn’t mean a girl can’t deny herself some eye candy. 

You guys never run out of things to talk about. Each day you check the group chat and it’ll be popping. Your topics range from the movie that just came out, restaurants they discovered, to even discussing new criminal cases (you got Hazel into watching true crime Youtube videos and now he’s entirely hooked). Sometimes you just sit back and watch the two boys bicker back and forth. It’s hysterical how they decide to argue through text since you’re sure both of them are probably in the same room together, but you appreciate them keeping you in the loop. 

At this point they’ve already virtually met Karli. She’s been in the background of one or two of your facetimes. You’re glad she approves of them instantly and you wonder if it has a little something to do with their, especially Scarlet’s, boyish charms. She does keep you grounded though, never failing to mention how it’s suspicious that you don’t know their real names yet.

“I don’t think they mean any harm and they seem genuinely nice,” she had reassured, “But you gotta admit not telling you their names is a little sketch.”

You just shrugged. “They have their reasons.”

Internally you do believe she has a point. Even though you don’t want to force information out of the boys, you’re a naturally curious person. Your mind has already compiled a list of all the unusual facts you’ve discovered about them. 

A couple of things have become clear to you over the span of the last few months. The most important fact is that although they share tons of content with you, you still have no idea what they do for a living. You’re also 90% sure they don’t have an owner since there’s never anyone else around them. Another, more interesting fact is that you suspect they’re actually pretty wealthy. Every time you facetime, they’re in some sort of lavish looking hotel penthouse, with fancy furniture and artwork hanging in the background. They also dress designer, occasionally flashing their Balenciaga hats, or little Gucci necklaces, or other fancy logos your peasant-ass is unfamiliar with. You actually googled one of Hazel’s t-shirts from your most recent facetime, having no idea what the FG logo stood for. You remember your eyes bulging out of your head after discovering his plain white shirt with two black letters cost more than $200. TWO HUNDred dollars?!!! Do you know how much food and gas you could buy with $200? Why in the fuck would he spend that much on a shirt??

If only you knew how much their watches cost.

Friday rolls around faster than you can blink and before you know it, you’re rushing home from work to get ready. Bryce texted you for the first time on Wednesday to see if you wanted sushi (hell yeah you did) and you were fortunate enough to notify your boss so you could be let out early. You’ve been such a work horse the last few months that they had no choice but to let you leave in advance. 

So far Bryce seems nice enough but you can’t get a proper gauge of his character through text. Oh well, guess you’ll find out tonight.

The sushi place you’re meeting at is on the fancier side, and includes a bar. Knowing yourself, if there’s a bar, there’s no car, which means you won’t be driving. The last thing you want is to leave your car parked somewhere sketchy overnight cause you accidentally got too tipsy to drive. You like to think you have some semblance of control but it’s always better to be safe than sorry.

You were let out at 4, which means you have only 2 hours to get ready. As soon as you get home you sprint to your closet at lightning speed. You rummage through your drawers, hoping to find something, ANYthing, that’s appropriate for this occasion. For one quick second, your eyes dart to your forbidden drawer, aka the ho drawer. It contains the remains of your slutty party dresses and tops from college. Being the hoarder that you are, you never like throwing away things, even if you have no need for them anymore. Wait, what the hell am I thinking? You snap your eyes back to the rest of your closet. You’re going for sushi, not to dance at some club. Besides, you have no intention of sleeping with anyone tonight.

After an hour of deciding on a suitable outfit you finally start on your makeup. Your work makeup has dried up, and now feels gross and cakey on your face, so you remove it all and start anew. At least you had the decency to shower this morning so your hair isn’t too gross.

The place is around a 10 minute Uber ride away but you took your sweet ass time getting ready so now you’re in a frenzy. When your phone buzzes, signaling your driver is here, you swipe on some lipstick last minute, grab some chunky heels, and practically fly out the door. 

You stare out the window of your ride, wondering why you’re lowkey wishing you could spend Friday night at home watching tv instead, or even just spending the evening facetiming two hot hybrids. This all feels a little too rushed. But no, you shake your head and attempt to hype yourself up. C’mon Y/N this is the first real date you’ve been on in ages. At least TRy and be a little more motivated. 

The car pulls up and you thank the driver, stepping out into the warm night air. August is still hot, even in the evenings, and you’re glad you didn’t bring a cardigan. Bryce has already texted you, letting you know he was inside, sitting at your reserved spot. You take a deep breath. Ok, time to put on your game face. You strut in, trying your very best to push the faces of two very good-looking friends out of your mind.

You spot Bryce in a corner, head buried in his phone, his wavy blonde hair not easy to miss. You slide in the seat across from him, prompting him to quickly look up and flash you an easygoing smile.

“Hello there!”

“Hi!” You chuckle nervously. “I hope I’m not too late.”

“Not all all!” He slides his phone back in his pocket, smile still on his face. “You’re just in time.”

A waiter comes by and you both take your orders. You make sure to order a drink because you have a feeling you’ll need the liquid courage to strike up more conversation. Maybe some sake will help ease you.

The first couple minutes are kinda awkward, not gonna lie. Bryce tries to get you to talk about work and you do answer him, but honestly work is the last thing you want to discuss right now. You try to shift the conversation to his job, but that only ends up being worse as he quickly launches into the ins and outs of life as an accountant. Maybe your two hybrids friends have spoiled you because you barely remember the last time you had to fill empty space with small talk.

When the food comes you quietly sigh a breath of relief, hoping the sushi in front of you will help you both get settled and give you time to think of more interesting topics to talk about.

“So,” you wrack your brain, “let’s get to know each other more! Like, what’s your favorite ice cream flavor?” That’s got to be a safe enough question.

“Hm, I’m actually more of a yogurt kinda guy, ice cream’s not really my thing.”

You freeze, California roll halfway to your mouth. Ok, ok, cool, cool. So he doesn’t like ice cream, that’s fine. You sweat a little. Hurry Y/N think of something else to ask.

“Yeah, I guess that’s not everybody’s thing.” You grimace. “Then what about, i don’t know, cookies? What’s your favorite kinda cookie?”

“Actually I prefer crackers, you know, like the saltine ones? Cookies can be too sweet sometimes.” He’s devouring his dragon roll, not noticing the panic in your eyes. He’s caught you off guard twice today.

This isn’t going well and you’re genuinely surprised because you know Karli has done her research, certain that you two would get along. Guess life really likes to throw you some curveballs. 

Who the fuck prefers crackers over cookies anyway?? Ok. Code red! Change the fucking subject before the silence becomes unbearable. Your dessert-related ice breakers had never failed you before but there’s always a first for everything, you guess.

You take a generous swig of sake. “Right, crackers are... good.” You’re mumbling at this point. “Ok, um, what about hobbies? Got any?” Please throw me a fucking bone here! Your mind is reeling but externally you try to act calm and composed, dabbing at the corner or you mouth delicately with a napkin.

“Oh yeah!” His face lights up. Oh thank god. “Do you like football? Me and my buddies at the office sorta formed this team, and we play against other departments. It’s really fun! You should come by and watch sometime!”

“Uh, sure!” Football. Huh. The last time you were anywhere near a football was when you met someone from your college team at a bar. Well he wasn’t holding a football per se, but that counts right? You only remember how much of a douche he was, trying to hit on one of the girls from your group after getting entirely too wasted.

“Awesome! I’ll hit you up when the next game is set!” It’s almost impressive how he doesn’t notice all the tension emitting from your body. In fact, you have a feeling he’s actually enjoying himself and your company.

The rest of the dinner goes by in the same manner. With him happily answering all your questions and you slowly discovering just how little you both have in common.

He is a gentleman though, that you can’t deny. When all the food has been cleared away he immediately swoops in to pay the bill, ignoring your insistence at paying for your half at least. He really isn’t a bad person, just the opposite. Besides your difference in interests, he is a sweet guy overall, and you do find him to be physically attractive. There’s just no spark, no silver lining that keeps you wanting more. When you both get out of your seats he offers to drive you back to your place but you politely decline. You say it’s because you don’t want to trouble him but in reality you need space for yourself to think.

As soon as you arrive home you take off your shoes and plop yourself down on the couch, running your hands through your hair. You check your phone, a few notifications from ‘Hazel’s Nuts’ popping up.

Scarlet: Do you think she’s done with her date yet??

Hazel: Hey Y/N how was it?

You had told them about this date beforehand and they were excited to root for you, which did bruise your ego a bit since it reaffirmed your unreturned attraction to them, but also prompted you to go through with it. This last notification was from 45 minutes ago but you couldn’t reply since you were still at dinner.

You: hi I just got back!

You don’t expect them to respond right away but to your surprise:

Scarlet: And???

You: it was meh

Hazel: That bad huh?

You: no nothing like that!

You: he’s really cute and all, it’s just we basically have nothing in common

Scarlet: Aww poor Y/N (sad emojis)

Hazel: Hey happens to the best of us

Hazel: Actually I wouldn’t know cause I’ve only been with fox boy

You: thanks anyway, i appreciate it Hazel

Maybe it’s cause you’re a little tipsy, or maybe you just feel so open and vulnerable around them tonight, but the next text you send is especially honest.

You: ughhh idk guys i’m just so lonely!!! why can’t things just work out for me for once! Like the first real date I go on in years and this happens :(

They don’t respond for a long time. So long in fact you start to get worried that you exposed too much about yourself.

15 minutes pass by but to you it feels like hours. You’ve already removed all your makeup and changed into your pajama shirt. You relocate to your bed, checking your phone again, thinking of a way to play off your last text as a joke when:

Hazel: If you’re so lonely maybe you could adopt?

You grin to yourself, glad that they’re not being judgmental. Their concern for you resets your mood.

You: ha ha you know my apartment doesn’t allow pets

You: but honestly if i could i would, cause i’d definitely get a little kitty

Hazel: I’m flattered

You: thanks but i meant a real cat

Hazel: Either way i’m flattered

Scarlet: HEY what about foxes??

You: pretty sure owning a pet fox is illegal here Scar

Scarlet: (angry emojis)

Hazel: You heard what the lady said

You: anyways i’m going to bed

You: thanks for making me feel better guys <3

Hazel: Anytime

Scarlet: But hypothetically if foxes weren’t illegal you’d get a pet fox right??

You: of course i would sweetie

Scarlet: (happy emojis)

Scarlet: Yay!!! Goodnight Y/N!

Hazel: Night Y/N

You: night boys

You wake up next morning on your own time, checking your phone to see that you slept in till 11am. Wow, you haven’t slept that well in a while. Maybe it’s the stress from the previous weeks of non stop working, or the pressure to maintain your composure last night, but either way you knocked out like a rock. You sit up, lean back, and stretch your arms as far as they can go.

Today you’re meeting Karli at her place up north. She couldn’t ask you about last night since she was occupied, her seven year anniversary with her boyfriend Sunny coinciding with your date. But she assured you a couple days ago over facetime that today was going to be a girl’s day, no boyfriend included.

“Hey!” Sunny had popped out of nowhere in the video when he heard the news, a look of mock shock on his face. “I live here too! So what, you're just gonna kick me out of the house and leave me on the streets to starve?”

“My god stop being dramatic!” Karli had shoved him playfully off the screen. “I need girl time with Y/N and it’s not girl time if you’re in the house.”

“I can be one of the girls! Right Y/N?” He sounded betrayed.

“I know you can but I’m not the one who makes the rules.” You pointed out.

He sighed. “You got me there.”

Since you’re just spending time at Karli’s and getting takeout, you felt zero need to dress up. You washed your face, threw on an oversized t-shirt some old hookup left at your place (hey it was cute) and some tights, and tied your hair out of your face. This entire process took less than 30 minutes and next thing you know you’re ready to head out.

You sent Karli a quick text, letting her know you’re on the way. You grab a bottle of prosecco, your purse, and keys, saying a quick goodbye to your roommate Ayah on your way out. She gives you a small wave, reminding you that she, yet again, has to leave today for a whole week. You backtrack to give her a quick goodbye hug, telling her to drive safe, before you take off.

Karli’s place isn’t as far as the beach coffeehouse you frequent, but it’s still located in the wealthier side of town. The drive lasts a good 20 minutes but it feels a lot faster since you spend the whole time singing along to your favorite songs.

You pull up to Karli’s apartment complex, driving yourself to the guest parking space. Her apartment building is pretty tall, with a distant, but gorgeous view of the beach. 

Karli squeals when she opens the door, immediately giving you a big hug. When you break apart you hold up the bottle of prosecco in your hand, waving it in front of her face.

“I know you have the ingredients here so let’s make some spritz!”

“Yay!”

Aperol spritz is your favorite at-home drink to make with Karli. She had gone on a short trip to Italy in the summer between her two years at grad school and tried the drink there, completely falling in love. She googled the recipe, made it for you one day, you had said “Oh FUck that’s good!”, and the rest is history.

She grabs the bottle and quickly relocates it to her kitchen. Her energy levels are sky high today and you wonder what’s got her so elated. She’s skipping everywhere she goes, there’s a permanent smile etched on her face, and she’s humming non stop as she pulls you away from the front entrance.

Sunny emerges from the hallway, two hands in the air in surrender.

“I’m heading out, I swear!”

Sunny is a big teddy bear of a man, with tattoos splayed across his arms and a well-kept beard. There’s a term you learned online called ‘lumbersexual’ and that’s exactly the word to describe Sunny. He almost reminds you of Jason Momoa, the actor who played Aquaman. Those who just meet him think he looks intimidating at first but once you get past his height and size, you see just how much of a softie he is. He’s also extremely intelligent, working somewhere in the computer industry developing software.

Karli bounds over to him and gives him a big snuggly hug and tiptoes all the way up to give a quick kiss to his lips.

“Have fun babe! Love you!”

“Love you too! Also bye Y/N!”

“Bye Sunny have fun!” You smile as he treads out the door.

You both head to the kitchen and start making your drinks.

“Aren’t you extra chipper today!” You mention as you pour a splash of club soda into your glass.

“Am I?” She doesn’t look at you, wearing a mysterious grin, stirring her mixture with a straw.

After you both finish making your drinks, you head to her living room and settle onto her plush sofa.

Karli yawns, almost too dramatically, covering her left hand over her mouth. You quirk your eyebrow at her, wondering why she’s acting so weird until you spot it. There’s something large, something shiny, on her left ring finger.

“Oh my god….” Your entire mouth hangs open. “Oh my GOD!!! Is THAT…?”

“Yep!”

“Did HE -?”

“Yep!!”

“AND YOU - ?

“YEP I DID!!”

“YOU’RE ENGAGED?!?!?!”

“I KNOW!!!!”

What happens after is a shriek rivaling that of a pterodactyl taking flight after spotting prey, except the sound is just the two of you screaming and jumping up and down in Karli’s living room.

You bring her into a tight hug, so emotional that you’re about to tear up. And you’re not one to cry that easily.

“I’m so happy for you!” You pull apart and wipe a stray tear from your cheek.

“Thank you! I’m so happy too!” Her smile is also a little watery. “Like I knew he was gonna do it soon since we’ve been together so long but I’m still shocked you know?”

“I know!” 

“And I’m sorry. Today was supposed to be me asking about your date last night.” She dabs at her eyes. “Bryce really likes you too. He even texted me thanking me for introducing you!!”

“Oh shit...” You take this chance to drink your Aperol spritz. “I’m gonna be completely honest with you. It’s true he’s cute but there was no spark.” You give her an apologetic grin, knowing she really wanted this to work out for you. “Like don’t get me wrong he’s super nice and stuff but I just couldn’t find anything we have in common. I can’t believe he’s still into me?!” 

“Aw I’m sorry babe.” She pouts. “I really did think you would be a good match.”

“It’s ok. Anyways,” you wave her off, bringing up the more important subject at hand. “I’d much rather talk about your engagement! Like, hello?? You’re getting married, girl!!

Another squeal. You really hope her neighbors don’t complain.

“I know!! I literally don’t know what to think!” She smiles wistfully, like she’s on cloud nine, then brings her attention back to you. “Also you’re the maid of honor and you can’t back out of that.”

“I would never!” You gasp dramatically, one hand clutching your chest.

“But don’t worry!” She sets her drink down. “The wedding’s not happening till next year at least. We don’t have to start planning till way later.”

The rest of the day you spend chatting to Karli, prompting her to spill every single detail about the proposal. Even though you have no need to help her plan a wedding just yet, you can’t hold back from offering some ideas that spring to mind.

“I got it!!” You shout.

“You got what?”

“Hear me out,” you may or may not be a little tipsy at this point. “Goth wedding!” You say with jazz hands. Then you reach down to take another sip of your drink.

“Hmm…” She pretends to think about the idea, then giggles. “And that’s enough prosecco for you.” Plucking the glass out of your hand, she transfers it to her kitchen sink.

A couple more hours roll by. You both decide to watch a cheesy Netflix horror movie to sober up, paired with the Mexican takeout you ordered. By the time the credits roll, the sun has long since set, along with your alcohol buzz. You check the time on your phone, deciding it’s best to head home since poor Sunny has been respectfully out and about all day, giving you your girl time.

You give Karli one last big hug, murmuring into her hair how happy you are for her situation. She walks you to the apartment elevator, where you proceed to blow her a swift kiss right before the doors close in your face.

Reality sets in the moment you’re alone. Your head swims with thoughts as you drive back. Most of them are happy about your best friend’s engagement but you can’t discount the little ugly bubble of jealousy that wells down deep in your gut, reminding you of your own current situation. It’s not until you reach home that you realize you didn’t even play music in the car.

Ayah has long since gone on her business trip by the time you arrive at your apartment. The whole place looks dark and unwelcome, only highlighting the emptiness you feel inside. You trudge to your room and slump onto your bed. You try to scroll through social media as a way to distract yourself but you’re met, instead, by all the pictures and posts of happy people, showing off their achievements or bragging about their seemingly perfect lives.

You immediately lock your phone and throw it onto the blanket, the stress and anxiety from the last few months building to a boiling point in your mind. Your biggest concern is you still haven’t figured out your lease situation, and you only have two more months to move out or find someone new. Ayah has tried her best to help you but she’s bombarded by business trips so no luck so far. You let out a small groan and bury your head in the pillow, deciding to sleep it off and worry about your problems tomorrow, even though it’s not even that late.

Right as you’re about to drift off into dreamland, your phone rings. You fumble around the covers until it’s in your hands and check that you have a facetime call from your two favorite boys.

Immediately your body jerks awake and you sit up, swiping the answer button.

“Hey guys!”

“Hi Y/N!!” Scarlet’s heart-shaped smile is taking up most of the screen but you can see a sliver of white and grey hair behind him.

Hazel elbows him out of the way. “Sorry were you sleeping?” He tilts his head, ears twitching. “Wait, it’s only 10 pm where you’re at. You never sleep this early.”

“No I wasn’t... I mean, yeah I was trying to sleep but…”

You sigh. It’s their faces. Just seeing them through a screen, their wide, innocent eyes blinking up at you, makes you want to spill everything.

You nibble on your bottom lip for a moment. “I was just kinda having an existential crisis so I decided to sleep it off. No biggie.”

Scarlet’s eyebrows furrow in concern. After only two months, he can already tell when something is off with your tone of voice.

“Y/N what’s wrong?” He looks up for a bit, pausing to think. “Was it the date last night?”

“The date?” Oh yeah the date. Yet another thing that didn’t go well. You totally forgot about that can of worms. “Not really… or actually kinda?”

You try to reorganize your jumbled mess of a brain and put your thoughts into words.

“So you know how I said I was going to Karli’s today?”

“Mhm,” they nod at you to continue.

“Well turns out she got engaged last night.”

“That’s awesome! I’m so happy for her!” Scarlet bounces a little, then quickly returns to a more serious tone. “But that doesn’t really answer my question.”

“Yeah I’m happy for her too.” And you genuinely are.

You pause for another moment, teetering on the edge of playing your emotions off like it’s no big deal or exposing all of your concerns yet again. Your need for an outlet to vent to wins in the end. For the first time you find yourself unable to confide in Karli because you want her to be happy and focus on the engagement rather than to be preoccupied with you. Before you know it, the words flow from your mouth like running water.

“It’s just that her announcement really brought me back to earth, and I started thinking a little too much about my own life.” You purse your lips. “I don’t know… I feel pretty selfish right now because she’s doing so well and I just can’t help comparing my life to hers. I’m so proud of her but it’s like everything in her life is coming together and I just want that for me also.” You throw your hands up in frustration, almost knocking the phone off from where it leans on your pillow. “I mean we’re the same age for god's sake! Why can’t I get my shit together??”

“Well you should be proud of yourself though,” Hazel cuts in. “Cause we are.” He gestures to Scarlet and himself.

“Yeah!” Scarlet chimes. “I mean you’ve got a full time job and a place to stay. I know you don’t feel like it’s the most ideal situation right now but please don’t discredit yourself.”

“Thanks guys.” You calm down a bit, but then you remember the whole issue with your apartment. Scratching the back of your neck, a habit you’ve picked up whenever you’re nervous, you say in a much smaller voice, “although my ‘place to stay’ might not last much longer.”

“What do you mean?” Both boys’ eyebrows are raised in confusion.

You realize you never mentioned your living situation to them, the topic always pushed to the back of your mind whenever they initiated conversation.

“Yeah.” A dry chuckle leaves your lips. “My lease ends soon and Ayah wants to move to a place of her own. And I have two months to figure out where to live or find another roommate.” You let out a frustrated huff. “She’s been so helpful but still no luck I guess.” You shrug in defeat.

You feel like a balloon that’s lost all its air, brain exhausted from running through all the problems in your life.

“Actually that’s pretty convenient for- ” Scarlet starts, but is elbowed again in the ribs by Hazel. “Ow!”

“Not yet!” The cat hisses quietly to him.

“Huh?” Now you’re confused. What in the world are they talking about?

Hazel turns back to you. “I’m really sorry about everything Y/N. If there’s anything we can do to help please let us know.” 

“Thanks buddy.” You offer him a small smile, choosing to ignore what just happened since they clearly don’t want to reveal anything just yet. 

Hazel then shifts to a more nervous stance, ears slightly flattening and both hands grabbing his floofy grey tail for comfort. It’s the cutest goddamn thing you’ve ever seen in your life.

“So Y/N, um, there’s a reason we called you tonight.”

You’re glad for a change in subject, a much needed distraction away from your downward spiraling thoughts.

“Oh right! Yeah. What’s up guys?”

Scarlet steps in front of him again, blocking most of the screen.

“We have a surprise for you!” He’s so close to the camera that you can only see half of his unblemished face but from the way his eyes crinkle, you can tell he’s giddy with anticipation.

“A surprise- ?”

“Yeah!!”

Hazel nudges himself into view again. “Quit hogging the whole screen fox! I swear to god next time we’re using the tv. I can’t see anything! Anyways,” he turns to you and smooths his shirt, expression back to stoic, “are you free next weekend?”

“I should be. Why?” You’re still a little lost on what the surprise is.

“Cause we’re coming back to town!” Scarlet blurts out.

“You are?!” Suddenly all your negativity melts away, replaced by excitement. Hard to believe just five simple words can shift your mood a complete 180°.

“But wait, there’s more!” You snort at how much Scarlet sounded like an infomercial just now.

“We’d like to invite you to dinner next Saturday night. If that’s ok with you?” Hazel isn’t as physically expressive as Scarlet but the hopeful shine in his eyes gives himself away.

You melt at his expression, heart rate speeding up. “Of course that’s ok! I’d love to!”

“Great!” He flashes one of his rare gummy smiles. “Saturday night. 7 pm. We’ll text you the details.”

“Yep!” Scarlet pipes in. “There’s something important we gotta ask- !” He lets out a small gasp, tail bristling, and clamps a hand over his mouth as if he just said something he shouldn’t have.

“What’s important?” You’ve gotta admit, your curiosity is at its peak right now, and it doesn’t help that they’re acting a little weird today.

Hazel rubs his temples in exasperation, groaning at Scarlet. “What part of ‘not yet’ did you not understand?” He then addresses you. “Sorry Y/N I promise we’ll tell you when we see you in person.” 

“Ok.” Cool. That’s fine. You’re a little nervous about what they have to say and it’ll be torture to wait but you’re a big girl and you can handle not knowing for a week. “I can’t wait to see you guys!!” you added.

“Me too!” Scarlet’s personality is so bubbly and contagious that you can’t help but smile back at him.

“Same.” Hazel lets out a small yawn. “Well we’re in a different time zone than you and it’s really late here so I gotta hit the hay.”

“Mk, go get your beauty sleep.” You give them a little wave. “And thanks for everything. I mean it.”

“No problem Y/N.” Scarlet also gives off a yawn, stretching his tired limbs. “Goodnight.”

“Night.”

After ending the facetime call, you lie on your back, staring at the ceiling. Your mind is active once again, but this time it’s not clouded with self-deprecating thoughts. Instead, you spend the remainder of the evening theorizing about the ‘important’ things the boys have to tell you. Maybe you’ll finally find out their real names. Or maybe they’ll reveal something else about themselves, like why they’re constantly travelling, or what they actually do for a living. Either way you can’t wait for next Saturday to come around.

Previous | Next

[ruby-read]

off-campus series by elle kennedy

the deal - ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ the mistake - ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ .75 the score - ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ the goal - ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️.5

this series of four standalone new adult romances follows a group of four friends who play hockey at a ivy league-like college called briar university. each one of them are non-committal and love to sleep around...until they meet the heroine. ; )

so. i read the deal either as the last book of 2020 or the first book of 2021 and i was kind of confused as to why it was popular. it felt very wattpad and i wasn't taken by the plot or the writing. not to say i didn’t enjoy it, because i definitely had a fun time - sometimes you just have to turn a blind eye to bad writing for a cheesy romance. BUT i was kind of unsure at the end of the first installment.

after i read the deal i definitely didn't think i would finish this series but this past month i finally got into the mistake (book 2) and WHEW i have been hooked ever since. the score (book 3) was by far my favorite. it follows DEAN (*swoon*) one of the most man-whore-y of the hockey team. the goal was my second favorite with the mistake taking number three and the deal being last place.

elle kennedy has some crazy ability to make an incredibly steamy and cheesy romances while also making them about something more and subverting tropes. of course many of her female characters are "not like the other girls" and all of her male characters usually start as pretty misogynistic, but somehow they also feel somehow more than both of those things?

i am literally so addicted to this series and i can't stop. even the goal which has definitely not my favorite trope had me by the fucking balls until the end.

all this to say - if you are looking for a break from chunky fantasy novels and need something light but also decently well written for a new adult romance. i highly suggest the off-campus series (except you might be able to skip the deal).

[jiminrings]

something about making lists is just so therapeutic and it helps calm you down and i'm lagging on sleep but i can't sleep either <3 so here's the lists i could think of <3

things i wanna buy but i'm not sure if it's just impulse:

cosrx snail 96 mucin power essence something???? i see it repeatedly on my fyp and i also saw it on kehlani's vogue video and im just yearning for thee skin like that honestly

a baby blue cardigan with sheep on them because i mean sometimes i sleep thinking about it

a black carhartt sweater bc all the sweaters i have are of a white man i'm not a fan of anymore and whew did they cost a pretty penny

earrings and i want what tae was wearing in his butter photo but i cant find any links rip

an adorable lavender iphone 11 and now hear me out besties,,,, i swore that it's such an ugly fucking phone but now that the 12 dropped, then that means the prices also dropped, and well i think this is really an impulse since my xs is perfectly fine so im waiting for like two more new units to pass

airpods bc hear me out once again besties,,, i also used to fucking swear on my grave that i will nEVER get them but like,,,, it's been about eight months (?) ever since chimmy ate my wired earphones and i've been wearing chunky sony headphones (they're noise-cancelling and cool) that my brother bought and i appreciate it but i would like,,,,, to sometimes lay on my bed on my side without earmuffs on

thence items including airpod cases for airpods i don't have, a necklace, a lanyard, posters, tinboxes,,, yearning

onitsuka tiger shoes :D i have had my beat-up all-black vans for like four-five years now and i mean buying shoes in the middle of a paldogangsan is not exactly practical but i mean you wOULD also think of getting new ones when ur current pair is like rust-colored now

adobe photoshop aND illustrator subscriptions using my own money bc i've been mooching off from my brother and psd expired just this month </3 i kinda wanna open up a redbubble or so during break but like the series of trials im gonna make and the time-pressure of a month's subscription vs. the giant cost of a year's subscription,,,,, whew passing out luv

another necktie and some cute lil dog glasses for chimmy bc he was so cute in his necktie but my brother ripped it while taking it off,,, he's no doubt gonna attempt to eat the glasses but he's gonna look like gojo from jjk so i mean!!! right!!!

crochet/knitting materials bc i wanna take up a hobby but what if i end up spending money AND turning shit at it :// bae what do i do with the yarn??? BUNDLE IT BACK????

a humidifier bc they say it's good for your skin and seeing pinterest posts im all yes honey :-)

collect books for polaroids and photocards :D i finally found a link for cheap ones can i get a W in the chat lads

a heart painting canvas i saw from the bookstore bc hear me out besties +

print-outs of pictures or even my own designs (i can get send them to this store and get it printed) because i am so goddamn tIRED looking at my wall,,, im afraid to say that she is a misplaced common bitch with a mots poster i slapped on the middle

a bt21 plushie so i could take those pictures where they're tucked in bed or holding a knife or sth hee-hes

cute little pastel crate thingies i probably won't use because they're that cute

a laptop stand bc macbooks heave under intense pressure,, awhile ago i was backing up 38gb worth of photos so i can delete from my phone and i thought she was gonna pass out

a keyboard you can connect to your laptop bc it just hit me that oh my god,,,, one day your keys are gonna be so stiff from so much use and getting them replaced would be a burden

a red thread string bracelet because i'd like to feel loved pls and thank u <3 does my personality not tell you that at da very beginning

wait i actually cant think of anything else

YOOOOO IM GETTING SLEEPY

anyways speaking of, so back in like late december/early january, i started listening to sleep music right

i went from koya 8hr sleeping loop to chimmy 8hr sleeping loops and nOW i'm on this decalcomania 2hr loop!!! with 8hrs, i could monitor how long i slept, but with 2hrs, i know i could sleep before it runs out <3

alright that's it mwah forehead kiss besties

YO LMK ABOUT YOUR LISTS!!!! i'm nosey like that :D

[artyrogue]

Blind Date Gaming: Race Days

Oof. The perils of blind dating present themselves in the randomness of your match. Sometimes you get a win and hit it off with your date; sometimes, invariably, you get paired with a bad fit. Today's date was a major blast of the latter. But I get ahead of myself. Let's focus on what my date had to offer during our long night together.

Oh, hello there, Race Days! As the name hints, it's a racing game. Now, I'm really not much for racing games. They never clicked with me much, and thus I have little experience with them. Perhaps this title will be the one that changes my mind a bit?

So this game is actually two in one. The first game is 4 Wheel Drive, one of those first-person driving games where 60% of your action space is the dashboard of a car. At least in this game you see the track map, I guess? It's like having an oldschool GPS in your car long before Google Maps was a thing!

17th place. Because we need 18 vehicles in our racing game for some reason? What is even the color of a participation ribbon for that rank?

Well, it starts off rough. Like 4 FPS rough. You slog through the slow-updating track, driving a chunky jeep around 17 other chunky jeeps in an... err... 'adrenaline-pumping' race. Your primary salvation here is that you get on-screen cues for turns. Without that, I probably would have ended up on some toll road without cash, resulting in some passive aggressive bills being sent to me in the mail. Honestly, though, you'll be paying attention to these signals more than the road since the road blends into the offroad area pretty seamlessly. Only the crappy sound effects will tell you that you're off the pavement.

See this? There's only 1 lane here. The rest is dust or something? Good thing they painted divider lines in the desert.

The other jeeps don't present much challenge, though maybe it was because I was playing in easy mode. Hey, don't judge! I know my weaknesses and play around them! Still, they do have weird hit boxes. Or maybe it's YOUR jeep that has a weird hit box? Perhaps this truck I'm in is some weird import made to host a whole party in the back, thus it's much wider in the body. Well, whatever, this party sucks and my jeep needs to go on a diet. I guess it'll be lighter fuel from now on!

You CAN sort of total your jeep if you act like a goon and keep ramming NPCs. Hope you have good insurance!

So that's basically it, I guess. Due to time constraints, I only played one set of tracks. None of them were particularly memorable or fun to drive on. There are no real mechanics that make this game stand out unless you're looking for a racing game with invisible tracks. I did ace the cup, though, so I guess I have a new trophy at my drab-colored ranch house in the 'burbs on Minnesota (or wherever Jeep-owners usually live).

Man, Duke Nukem needs to find a tailor and should look up proper wine-bottle-toting form

Okay! On to game #2! This game is...HUAGH!

I wouldn't flaunt your graphics team here, chaps

Ohhh-kay, so that's a bold choice of visual presentation right off the bat. This beaut is called Dirty Racin', which I assume might be like Dirty Dancing? Probably doesn't have any romance though, unless it's got like Nascar fans severely crushing on Dale Earnhardt the third. Is there a third one? I assume Nascar drivers have titles like the Dread Pirate Roberts or something. Maybe not. (Apologies if I have insulted racing fans somehow; disclaimer: I'm severely out of my element here.)

Does...does the driver lie down in there? How does he even fit inside?

Like in 4 Wheel Drive, you get to choose a difficulty. After the ease of Jeep Racing Simulator 2000, I decided to be adventurous and go with 'Hazardous'. I don't want to disappoint the cool dude on the options screen who is constructed out of straight lines by choosing easy mode. But wow, that guy is entirely made out of straight lines. The art team here clearly earned their keep.

It takes almost a full bottle of gel every morning to get his bangs at perfect angles like that

So what's this racing game about? Overhead racetracks, apparently. It's you and 3 other cars on a bunch of different tracks, trying your best to outmaneuver each other for a coveted first place victory. Unfortunately, there's only 2 lanes of space, though, so you end up colliding with your opposition all over the place.

Luckily for me, the first couple races just require you to not get last place. I hate the controls in games like this, so I am naturally terrible at this game. I pull through and squeak a third place due to dumb luck, though. Then I'm greeted by some amazing sex idol racing queen that is in no way poorly drawn and clearly epitomizes the breast part about racing. I mean best part. Best part! She offers me car upgrades with the coins I found lying along the racetrack. Let's ignore how a speeding car can safely pick up these caches of money.

Uhh, hey pumpkin, can you move your elbow there? What are you even leaning on?

After this, I travel to the next event, which is a series of 3 races. I have to place first overall to win and unlock more tracks on the map. Okay! Let's do this!

Mmyep, I got 4th place each time. Ok, try again!

...Alright, once more! I think I have the hang of things a bit! I got third once!

Nope, this bites

After a series of horrible losses, I tried to back out and see what else I could play. I mean, there was a second direction to go; maybe the other track is better? But no, the game over screen only lets you try the same race again or quit entirely. So you either have to grind it out and win on that specific map or you have to start over from the beginning. Excellent news. Well, I opted to flee and try a lower difficulty. Surely I can make some ground h-

Yeah, screw this game

I gave up after noticing the AI isn't remotely different in the lower difficulty. Moreover, I started fuming and compounding a list of things I hate about this game! What a joy to be spending time with it. Please let me rant and release this pent up anger. It's therapeutic and I need to vent worse than a racecar with an overheating engine.

All opponents have better handling and stats than you. You need to upgrade your car to even be at the same level as them.

All bumps, be they into walls or other cars, up your damage meter; more damage means a malfunctioning car. You CAN get damage fixed after a race for cash, but doing so pretty much depletes your funds and you get no upgrades. Which means you're STILL at a disadvantage over your opponents.

You always start at fourth place. This means you have to contend with 3 other cars hogging the road space, blocking you and making it hard to get a foothold.

You can't replay levels you beat. This means no grinding for coins or leveling up.

There are only two single races available at the start, both of which have the low bar of making third or higher. After doing those, you MUST do a 'win 1st place in these three races' level to progress.

You can activate nitro for a quick boost, but it's pretty useless since the AI almost immediately activates their own and overtakes you with their better handling and blocking.

Opponents seem to gain higher speed if they're behind you. Like, their non-nitro max speed actually increases, so they easily overtake you.

You can bump into special flashing walls for powerups, but some of them are useless. The best one gives you superspeed for the rest of the match, but it's so fast I can't control it well. I just ended up bumping into walls like mad and upping my damage, all the while having the AI overtake me anyway.

Whew. So there's that embarrassment. I'm sure some of you are laughing at me since this game is probably child's play, but I just can't do it. The GameFAQs guide even says that all difficulty modes are super-easy, so it must just be me. I never got higher than third place. In the end, this was a steaming pile of garbage for me that I wouldn't date again if it was the last form of entertainment left in the world. Not even Upgrade Lady can sway my decision to let this one die forever in a horrible roadside crash. (Okay, so that definitely offended some of you; apologies again!) Take this Sprite of Passage and forget about this game forever. Don't worry, it deserves it.

what else did you expect to be the Sprite of Passage?

[justicze]

@asakishi​ starter!  ✦ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

“‘Tele... marketer’? Oh... I don’t really know what that is, however, do take a pamphlet! It has three sides, and I did all of my best work to make sure it was painted all in colors!”

She smiled brightly and pulled out a pamphlet from her pocket, splaying them all out in a full house of cards. A full house of information, color coordinated, with ribbons for the binding and some cloth with colors split & spun right through. “Ah! But be really, super delicate with them, please, Mister! ‘Cause I made them myself! As a Holy Knight, I have to do at least that! Can you tell? But, let me tell you about our Saviors and Goddesses and about our one Creator!!”

Like the wind right out’a torrent! The sea right out the ocean! With eyes twinkling, the sun and stars, all inside of her heart! The clover in her pupils seemed to spin and throttle at his image! Wouldn’t it be so great? If a cute boy like him was to convert? And then, maybe, just maybe, she could convince other people, too! “Mister! My name is Lime! Lime Serenity! ‘Sister’ is a-OK! No! It’s exemplary! ‘Cause I’m a missionary, now! Miste~~~r!”

Pretty like a lime fresh off of a tree. Twin ribbons on top of cat ears on top of double brain buns! “For the sake of justice and peace! Here, here! Take some prayer beads! And feel the light envelop you! Don’t worry! Ah, those things?”

“It’s no worry to me, you see! Because I am such-and-so, I’m one of Aernas’s Holy Knights! Under Pope Constantino! I have a mission myself, you see! And that’s to spread LOVE and JUSTICE upon whoever will listen! It’s my job! And you know, very well, that a job like mine is paid only in the sight of believers becoming! So heathens and demons of all sizes and colors....!”

----with a bolstering cry, light and chirping, she gave him a big, bright smile and forced her hammer into the ground. Two, three feet. Like the wind right out of a torrent; like the sea right out of the ocean; the ground right out of the open, shards of dirt and rock rose from the golden pedestal she’d lit herself on. Primroses bloomed out of the wings at her feet and dyed themselves blue-green as the chunky heel of her armored boot took a one-two step! Because she was quite good at dancing, you see! As if a pen in a student’s practiced & flexible fingers! Like a little dove right out of a wedding box! Yes! That’s Lime Serenity! Serene---and redundant---pretty, cutely, and above all else: the most obnoxiously bright thing to ever, ever, ever, really, and true to the heart, to the eyes and to the proof in the quick blinding light that enveloped the miasma & fog, lightning flashes of daytime!

Purifying and searing hot. Wind from a torrent. Sea from the ocean. Ground, wrought and forced out into the open. She batter’d herself right up to home plate and sent those shards of ground and dirt, and by the Holy See staring right from Sirius’s spot in the sky, punted those suckers right out of existence! Just like that.

“Whew!!! Yah-hoo!!! Did’ya see that, Mister!? Oh! Oh! You know! My friends back home would praise me for that! They’re real strong, and I think I’ve become a little stronger, too! You can never let your job take over your duties to your training!”

             GONE.

Splattered. Blood on the ground, burning and bubbling in the light of her sparkle & twinkle. Fizzy like soda. Little bird’s feathers, plucked with little bird’s flesh in bits and bobs all about. She knelt down and smiled gently as she rubbed her fingers into that purple-brown ichor. “To the Goddesses you go. Foolish, evil things. And to think, if you weren’t mumbling so loudly during my sermon, I would’ve brought you to the light of Aernasis’s eyes gentle like petals,” and she popped the beads right off her prayer bracelet, tossing them into the cracked muck & dying world. A pitifully, incredibly, ugly and decrepit world. Lighting it all to golden flames and the ideal of something sparkly in a child’s drawing. Burn. And perish. And starve, and sweat, and become engulfed in it. Her golden reprieve.

“.... WHERE were we. Ah. Yes! Would you like to join me in spreading the Holy Word? After I’m done with this place, I am going to be so proud of me! You’ll make a ton of friends, and you’ll be the boss of your own missionary journey! Come on, just think about it! And then we will go back to Aernas and live together, in eternal peace. Please do take a look at those pamphlets in your hands. It’s ve~~~ry informational. And if you can’t read it, oh! I will read it to you.”

[gemsfromagemini]

What Makes Me Happy?

In no particular order, the following list is comprised of various things that will inevitably make me happy! If any of them would make you smile too, let me know and I just may send ya something! Enjoy!

1.  (Animal Style) Cheeseburgers. Oh. My. Gawwwd, gworl. Any time of day, any day of the week, a cheeseburger (Animal Style) will put me in a better mood. And if I’m already in a good mood, one of these precious lil thangs will only make me happier. And ready for a nap. From the buttery, lightly toasted bun, to the chunky spread, && all the way through to the bottom bun, it’s a penny from Heaven. The Animal Style I speak of is not some dirty variation that cannot be spoken of at the dinner table- its grilled onions, extra pickles, + a mustard-grilled patty. Now that sounds basic but considering how basic and boujee In-N-Out already is, any variation could only make it better! Click the link to check out more items from my favorite burger joint’s not-so-secret secret menu. http://www.in-n-out.com/menu/not-so-secret-menu.aspx \

**Bonus: In-N-Out also does animal style to their fries! That’s right- hot, crispy, made-to-order French fries topped with grilled onions, cheese, + more of that yummy spread! Top with ketchup for a true delight!

2.  My Framily. That’s a combo of friends + family that I learned from some trivial cellphone commercial way back in the day. My nieces and nephews are a delight to be around, hear about, and just think of on a bad day. I’m blessed to be their Titi and I hope my kids are as cool as they all are. My siblings. A hoot. A riot. A ball. And the youngest one- she doesn’t get a title but she is just as important. LOL.  But they encourage me && inspire me && if I’m ever feeling down, they are there to pick me right back up. Or tell me to pick my own fat a** up because they ain’t gonna do it.

Bonus: My friends! They’re the FR part of family. I call my main squad the A-Team: Ali, Asia, Ashley, and Ashley. Those friends make me feel like a magical, ethereal unicorn when life has me beat down and feeling like a jackass.

3.  Listening to music! Just the other day (Monday the 13th, actually) I discovered this artist that my sister has been trying to put me on for months: 6lack. (http://www.free6lack.com) She says “black“, I say “six-lack”, we both say he has really soothing and cool music. He falls into this new genre that most call trap R&B. Also currently loving Khalid, Molly Bang, and Daniel Caesar. A staple in my music arsenal is the talented, top of the charts, too cool for high school (he dropped out) crooner.¦.THE WEEKND. He holds a special place in my heart as his music helped me out of a very dark place in my life and… I met him. And he said he loved me. So {{the weeknd}}, along with other amazing artist make me VERY happy. 

4.    Netflix Binges!Who doesn’t love a good session on the couch or propped up in the bed, going through episode after episode after 2 A.M., chocolate-fudge eating episode of a good Netflix series!? It’s a Godsend, honestly. And the only thing that would make it better is if they added maybe 5 or 6 of those AWESOME Black shows from the 90s/early 2000s. Sister, Sister. Living Single. Smart Guy. Girlfriends. One on One. Any of those would suffice. All would be best. *mic drizzop*

5.    Praise dancing!. Whether it’s watching the children of !Wayside Christian Church!, catching a holy ghost-filled baby on YouTube, or creating && performing a piece with my ultra-talented baby sister. I love to watch people honor && glorify the Lord through dance. Dance is something that is just about as old as time. Native groups danced to bring rain && fertilize their lands. African indigenous people danced to celebrate the earth && what it had given them. And now, we dance to give praise to God. Kind of all sounds the same when you think about it.

 **Bonus: God. All by Himself. Thinking of God’s grace and mercy that has covered me all my life && that brings me joy like nothing I’ve ever known. To be loved by God is a greater love than any human could match.

 6.   Being appreciated makes me hella happy. Is this a bit shallow? Yes. But is it true for me and you? Probably so. It feels really good on the inside to hear someone tell you how happy you make them && how grateful they are for you. As someone who has battled low self-esteem in the past (yesterday), reminders of how worthy I am of my place on earth or how much of an impact I have on someone else’s life make a WHALE of a difference in my day.

 7.    Tacos! Hard shell. Soft shell. Street style. Tex-Mex style. Asada. Chicken. Lingua. Sour cream. Guacamole. Tomatoes. I LOVE TACOS. And yes, they make me happy. While I’ve already mentioned my most *favorite* food item, this is definitely a close 2nd.. It’s a cultural gift that we are forever grateful to our Southern family for.

8.   Hugs make me happy. A good squeeze from someone who cares about you or a bonding end to a great encounter with a stranger, hugs are something we often overlook. I live alone so I don’t do as much hugging as I’d like. I talk to people every day, sure, it’s a part of my job. But do I interact && receive that warmth + security that is offered with a hug? HECK NO! So when I get a good hug, I appreciate it. And it makes me so happy!

9.   Nerdy Black Boys. Oh the joy that THEY bring! Whew! Everyone has their preference + type && sure there are a rainbow of men that make give me heart eyes emojis but something about a darkskinded brotha telling me about a new anime or his favorite character to use in Overwatch really makes my ovaries scream. In my 30 years, I have not met a *ton* of hot, Black nerds who are in to gaming, mangas, and the like so when I meet one, it makes me EXTREMELY happy.

10.  WRITING! Bet ya weren’t expecting that one, were ya? Blogging. Journaling. Leaving silly comments on Facebook. All of those things (except the last one, I kid) make me happy! I love expressing myself in the written form, whether it be typed or handwritten. It’s a way of communication that people have lost respect for. I also enjoy writing books. A new chapter or an A-ha” moment in a fantastic short story will make me smile for hours on end. It is the delight in my own brilliance that gives me that smile.

[iamablackwoman]

The day my black ass laughed...

Simply put, you know that feeling that you get in your gut that something is about to happen, woman’s intuition shit? You’re in too deep and the current is coming and you finna go under under!!! You pleading for dear life like let me get a lifesaver this one time!! Well if you shook your head yes then grab a seat!

Dude stands about 5’9. Comes into the store like a true god. Nicely trimmed beard, timberlands chunky, got the taliband scarf wrapped across his yankee fitted and face like Jesus coming into Jerusalem. Now I normally have a thing for the chocolate brothers, but this Carmel complexioned mocha dipped man came to play!! Everything seemed right. He looked better than his MySpace profile and everything girl!!! He had the Mariah Carey fan on lock, I’m telling you it was a whole commercial. I dead stopped breathing....I am not lying.

Now he told me off the bat on one of our many phone conversations that women be throwing they draws at him on the first night so sis wasn’t trynna get the wham bam!!! We chatted and walked through the mall, ate at Dave and Busters, did a little shopping and flicked it up. Still to this day that was the best first date I ever had. We went our separate ways and once I got home, my life has never been the same since.

I knew there was something about him that attracted me so heavily. Not just his swag and sex appeal. I mean our conversations were lit and perplexed, we had mad shit in common at the time and we just vibed. I was fresh out of a relationship and just lost my first baby in a miscarriage and he was due to be a first time father on the same day my baby would have been born, like wtf how??? He wasn’t with his child’s mother and we literally bonded over talking about our exes and what space we were in. Now that I think about it, it was a really comforting time.

This man was special to me, I hung on to every word, every breath this man had I was right there sucking up the air. We had become really good friends. I learned a lot about him and his life and admired his ability to traject his self into another dimension from his past. He literally reshaped his life and built his self a new one. I never quite understood how he lives his life so assured, so forcefully. Like anything he put his hands on turns to gold like King Midas. I’ve seen this man accomplish so much and be such a great Dad to his kid and couldn’t see any fault in his makeup.

At this point you can assume that the relationship had gotten physical. I mean I honestly I don’t even have to mention that because the relationship was so much more than that. But girl he was so sensual, so soft and gentle with me, he wasn’t trynna prove nothing in his strokes or ram me like a fucking elephant. He was calm, and always on point. The sex was good but always an additive.

We always had our back and forths and misunderstandings because the way he lived his life. We didn’t have the same spiritual beliefs and we got into a lot of controversial topics because of it. This man grew up in the era of NOI and real educated hip hop, I mean the culture hip hop. He gained knowledge through the NGE, and master teachers of that time. Here I am this little Christian girl, seasoned in nothing but regurgitated mumbo jumbo. Always gotta have a word and put my two pieces in, gotta sound intelligent too, besides I gotta save him because that’s what Christian’s do, right?

Years and years and years go by. We separate for a while not too much in contact with one another. In the meantime I get married and he gets engaged and has another baby. Now we never actually dated each other. We always remained friends because our views got too opposing. There was one time when I did want to learn and be taught his ways, I messed up because I loss control of my emotions and got jealous and got caught up in some dumb shit, which cost me. The feeling that you get once a man don’t trust you anymore is super horrible.

My marriage began to fail and took so much out of me mentally and physically that I sought him out. Come to find out he and his fiancé are having trouble as well, go figure! We began to go back to our MySpace days again, talking about our exes. Staying on the phone all late again. Getting chummy and making light of our circumstances. I discovered that deep down inside I really have aligned my heart with this dude. He really listens, he gets me, I mean my core.

So months later, I separate from my husband and I touch base. You know just filling each other in on what’s new and what’s next. I began to fantasize and align my life with his. Trying to figure out what his next moves are and making plans in my head. Not plucking my remedial ass like, homegirl, “yous is married still!” I know I was heading for a divorce and trying to get back on track but I was following the same path.

No matter what person, thing, or place comes into your life, those are additives. You can’t lead YOUR life following someone else’s storyline. I had to really laugh at myself. I was starting to get annoyed and hurt by some of the talks we started having and how he analyzed my current situation and even though it was harsh and nasty, it was truth.

I had to get back on board. I had to discover MY next and now. Like girl wash your face and clean ya place before you get back into that cycle of putting these dudes first. What type of fabric do you like, what are you doing to define yourself? How’s your total health going? What feminine energy did you connect with and sow into. What’s your mother up to, how’s Grammy? Sis, what are you DOINGGGGGAHHH?

I just had to sit back and laugh at my black ass because here I was healing and in the same breath heading toward dangerous territory. Falsifying everything I told myself I would do after leaving my toxic relationship. I ain’t perfect but this single life, this time around, this gonna be my realest mirroring experience yet. It’s just you, it’s just you sis. The only important things in your life are inside of you and if you don’t take care of you, you will become your own worst enemy. Whew, I had to get back on track because I almost died!

[fyrapartnersearch]

Looking for M/M RP partners on Discord.

Hello there!

My name is Tae and I'm 24 years old. I'm located within the USA and tend to respond more than once a day, though sometimes work gets hectic. I will do my best to get you a steady stream of posts. 

I am only interested in original plots right now only. Only M/M and into most genres!

Onto the more important parts...My RP rules! PLEASE READ THESE! Will save everyone time and makes it far easier to decide if you think we will be a good match!

---M/M only!!---

---I play only uke/bottom/sub. Whatever you want to call it.That does not mean they will be wimpy useless things (Unless you are looking for that. I can do that too lol). They tend to be on the more elegant side. I will also play female/male side characters when needed of course.

---VERY IMPORTANT: VERY IMPORTANT: I am looking for someone who will play manly and masculine men! I like my tops acting and looking like real men. I like them dominant and I like them able to make a move. Sue me. I do not want some perfect pretty boy emo guy that is skin and bones and is somehow super strong and emotionless like out of some anime. Not my thing. Not looking for a character who is going to have to ask for permission 10 times just to kiss someone. Just prefer these types. So please masculine realistic tops only! Masculine doesn't mean muscles and all that physical bit of course. Also referring to personality here. My point is just no tiny scrawny anime-like dudes basically. You get it. Manly doesn't mean no emotion ever, just like feminine doesn't mean some weak useless crying all the time thing. It's just one aspect of a person. My characters are not attracted to men who are not masculine/dominant. Whew. That was a lot. My bad. 

---I tend to write 2-10 long paragraphs (Depending on what the RP calls for at the time). Less if it's needed to move the plot along. Never below a chunky paragraph. Please be able to write at least 2-3 per post. 3rd Person writing and detailed!

---No God modding! Do not write for my character! Their actions/words/and reactions are not for you to control. It's no fun when people take over your character without permission.

---NO teenage RPs or teenage characters. I would prefer you character be over the age of 23! Be realistic with age based on rp factors such as your characters job/role.

---Be friendly and lets at least know each other a little.

---I love drama and romance and am not a fan of comedy though a little bit never hurts.

---Have no problem with cussing, violence, blood, and gore, yada yada. I'm fine with smut and I think it can actually add to a plot if done right, but not looking for pure smut!

---As for pics I will do real life. Descriptions only are also an option, though I do prefer a ref pic. You may also use realism style drawings/paintings. Not an anime fan so no anime stuff!

Onto Plots!

Don't want to make this too long so I have put my plots into a good doc for easy viewing and organisation! Feel free to come at me with your own plots as well, or we can always come up with something new : ) let me know it something catches your eye!

Plots Here: 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1mfn4Y7RxD1HZQltnIxsOhH9GD7WhHsf9CIyCStyuBgA/edit?usp=sharing

Add me on discord is interested! DISCORD: Tae#0143

[djhotcoles]

Grey

Hello again...yes, yes I know its been a while. The fact of the matter is that I actually have still been making things, I just havent had time to post them. I am going to give you not one, not even two, but THREE products of my creativity in this post. Hold on to your hats.

First I have to get something off my chest... I didnt make anything in August... whew ok now we can be completely honest with each other.

My project for September I pushed through to finish a scarf I had started last winter. I ended up making all these scarves for people and realized I never made anything for myself. I started this scarf and then immediately felt totally knit-out. Which led to this pile of yarn sitting in my living room for months just taunting me.  This is a seed stitch with Lions Brand Yarn - Oxford Grey. In the picture of me looking cool and artsy, you can see the scarf is quite bit and chunky so it will be perfect for winter.

Project number two, I actually made in a class I took at my local sewing shop. This is the Wiksten Kimono and I am in loveeeee with it. I think the pattern may have been intended for a fabric with a little more drape and flow to it, but with the quickly approaching cooler months, i went with a heavier flannel fabric from Robert Kauffman, and I couldnt be happier with my choice. This garment was pretty intimidating which was why I choose to take a class to make it, but the pattern itself was written in such a genius way that it was really quite simple to make. I will definitely be needing more of these for all the seasons. Oh and did I mention the pattern in reversible? Cause it is, and its amazing.

Just to really blow your minds... here is the new scarf with the new coat, so much wonderfulness in one photo. I think it is safe to say I am crushing fall.

And last but not least, number 3 is actually a poem I wrote. So remember when I told you that I have existential crisis on the reg? Well this week was an intense one. In the midst of questioning my entire being, i watched a NPR Tiny Desk concert video of this singer I really like named Dermot Kennedy. I couldnt help but tear up at the pure intensity in which he was singing which really struck me considering all the things that were going through my brain already. I just felt so sad that I did not feel that much passion about anything in my life. I cant sing for shit but I’ve always been a pretty good writer and have used writing as an outlet, but definitely not as much as I should. So I was inspired to try my hand at a poem. 

this is a weird one for me to put out in the world. Yarn and fabric I can talk about all day, but feelings are a struggle. I mean I have a ton of them, but its usually pretty difficult for me to verbalize them and especially hard for me to share them...but here we go...

the title of this poem is “Grey”. I actually came up with that name when I was thinking about putting this post together. I realized the dress I made in the last post was grey and the scarf and the jacket in this post are both grey. That got me thinking about how Picasso had a “blue period” and maybe this is my “grey period”. Furthermore, I started thinking about what grey was and what it meant. Besides just being the on trend neutral right now, grey is also just kind of this ambiguous realm in the world of color. In terms of light - white is technically all colors and black is technically no colors but what does that make grey? It is neither all or none, just somewhere in the middle... and I think that really resonates with how I have been feeling this past week. 

i dont know what i am feeling 

my mind wont stop reeling

                               long enough to figure it out

one minute you know where you’re going

then the next minute time is flowing

                               and suddenly you’re filled with doubt

i dont know what i am feeling

but it’s my soul this world is stealing

                                and im worried there wont be anything that remains

struggling to get through the days

rinse and repeat all in a haze

                                I find myself at the edge of sane

i dont know what I am feeling

the weight of all this pressure has me kneeling

                               the last of my strength has begun to wane

[foreveroverdressed-posts-blog]

February 11, 2018: Packing for China SS/18

In 2 days I will travel to Beijing, China! We will be exploring all the sights with family for 10 days. I am super excited to go somewhere new, however, I’ve been procrastinating a bit when it comes to packing. Usually, I am a pro at packing light since most of my trips to Europe have been for 3 or more weeks. Those trips have all been in the summer where it was easier to pack light and the outfits are a bit cuter. It is, unfortunately, February and I will need to keep it cozy and warm. I have also been on the hunt for any miscellaneous hacks and items I might need. In an attempt to be the most prepared, I have been scrolling blogs/Pinterest for China packing lists, and the selections have been slim. So I thought I’d share my own. This would work for any cold weather adventure packing! I have attached my list.

The suitcase: I have been on the hunt for the perfect suitcase for YEARS. My last suitcase was great, but it’s wheel broke off in Milan. I loved it so much that I duct taped the wheel on for a few trips afterward. I’m no longer living the ratchet life (kinda), and I have upgraded to a great suitcase with a wheel! My new one is a hardshell navy spinner from IT suitcases. This only weighs 9 pounds, which is great for when I am struggling to go under that 50 pound weight limit. I like that this suitcase has 3 compartments for undergarments and zip flap for toiletries. There is also an expandable zipper, which gives more room for shopping and souvies! I purchased it from TJ Maxx for $90 bucks but they can also be found cheap here.

Shoes: I cannot stress enough the importance of good shoes when traveling. You can last so much longer during a day of exploring with the right shoe. I think it’s safe to bring 4 pairs of shoes. Obviously a good tennis shoe for exploring and any exercising that you may be doing. I am bringing my Yeezys, which I could probably sleep in these shoes because they are that comfy. I would also bring a casual Chelsea boot that could be dressed up and dressed down. I have a chunky platform for any nights on the town. And then my Doc Martens for any exploring that may include rain or snow. Pro tip, wear your most clunky shoe on the plane to create more room/less weight in your suitcase.

Outfits: The goal in my packing is always to bring items that can be layered and most interchangeable with each other. I feel like I did the same here with knits and jackets. I try to think of packing outfits instead of just throwing in 10 tops and 10 bottoms. I have found if you pack that way, then you will probably not be excited about the items you have packed, and might bring more than you need (taking up more lbs of that 50 pound limit). So bring items that you are excited to wear, and make multiple outfits out of key pieces. For this trip, I have mostly brought casual and conservative looks. Just packed one dress for any formal occasion. I definitely made sure to bring super warm socks, extra gloves, and beanies to stay warm. Don’t forget to bring loungewear that can be worn as your gym look if you plan to exercise! You never know what the temperature conditions are on the plane, so I recommend wearing a light shirt with a flannel or hoodie around the waist just in case it’s freezing, or can be taken off if it's too toasty.

Makeup/Skincare/Toiletries: For a 10 day trip, I am trying to go as simple as possible for the number of products I am bringing (THAT 50 POUND LIMIT ADDS UP I PROMISE). For shower supplies, I am just bringing travel sized of my favorite products. The makeup situation is minimal since I am on that life lately. Maybe just bringing the everyday face essentials, a mini Too Faced eyeshadow palette for any day to night makeup looks, and my travel sized Morphe brush kit. So the skincare… I have been on such a strong routine lately, more on that in a later post. I don't want to fall out of my routine because a lot can happen to your face in 10 days. With that being said, I have tiny TSA approved bottles to put the necessities in (cleanser, toner, rosehip oil, eye cream, hyaluronic acid, SPF). Pro tip, bring face wipes and mouthwash in your personal item for the plane. It’s unlikely that there will be room or time for a full *getting unready* so these will do till you get to the destination.

Personal item: The most important part of getting to your destination. You can really improve your flight experience by what you put inside of your personal item. For all of my Euro trips, I have taken a backpack as my personal item. It just needs to be able to slide under the seat in front of you. Inside of the backpack I put face wipes, mouthwash, headphones, books/mags/notebook, camera stuff, chargers/cords, electricity converter (the outlets are different in Asia and have higher wattage so you need this), empty water bottle, any medicines/vitamins, and a towel (which can be used as a blanket). I will also slide my purse inside of the backpack so I won’t have to pay any extra fees.

Whew, I think that is it. I’m a bit nervous about entertaining myself for 15 hours on our flight. The Europe flights seem so easy now. Any tips on how you get through long flights or sleeping in coach would be greatly appreciated! Hope this is helpful for anyone like me who needs more structure when packing.

[emblem-333]

Ainge Knows How To Draft

Since the Boston Celtics obtained the first overall pick - of course having just dealt it to Philadelphia for their No. 3 pick and a 2-5 protected 2018 Lakers pick, if not conveyed becomes a 2019 Kings first…*whew* - We as fans of the green and white routinely this time of year bring up Ainge’s…spotty draft record. Well, thought to be spotty. People tend to measure you as a drafter not where you are picking or your current roster situation. What matters is: how many All-Stars, All-NBA players you’ve drafted and just by judging Ainge’s draft record off that criteria he’s been downright horrendous. Not plucking a single one of those elite players in the draft.

But Masai Ujuiri never picked an All-Star either. Jerry West never drafted an All-NBA caliber player or even a fringe All-Star when building the Shaq-Kobe dynasty. Why? Cause the Lakers weren’t picking in the early tens or in the middle of the lottery. When you’re atop the NBA landscape, picking twenty-three at the highest, Devean George is all you can hope. The Vlade Divac and Nick Van Exel’s of the world fall in the draft off on luck alone. Even their upsides don’t drastically change your franchise.

Ainge’s draft record suggest the same issues: from ‘04-‘07 Boston floated in and out of the playoffs, picking in the mid-to-late teens, having to cross their fingers for a team to pass up on a prospect they liked. Nine teams passed on Paul Pierce before Rick Pitino made the lone smart decision of his time as Celtics coach/GM.

For anyone that believes the NBA Draft after its top-5 is anything but akin to taking a shot in the dark while blindfolded is flatout wrong in their criticism of NBA GMs. Heck, sometimes the draft isn’t even five players deep. Last year Boston earned the third pick in a two player draft. The drop-off in terms of ceiling when having to pick between Jaylen Brown, Jamal Murray or Dragan Bender is obvious to the casual eye when you understand the hype surrounding No. 1 & 2 picks Ben Simmons and Brandon Ingram going into the draft. This year they traded the number one overall choice, opting to pick between Kansas forward Josh Jackson and Duke forward Jayson Tatum, judging the drop-off from either of the two from the consensus number one to most scouts, Markelle Fultz, to be not all that steep.

While it is easy to lob snarky comments about Ainge’s draft record, it is worthy to note how often the Celtics find themselves picking below the middle-teens in his fourteen-years as general manager. The NBA Draft isn’t a plethora of talent hidden under the sexier, more desirably prospects like in the NFL. In the NBA, one or two “sure-fire” prospects go one and two, then the draft becomes a crapshoot where you’re more more likely to be hit by lightning than to find an All-Star. Fluky choices like Jimmy Butler (30th), Paul George (10th) are not common occurrences; and it is unwise to heap praise on otherwise unaware GMs for drafting someone who turned out to be special, but wasn’t taken because that team believed in that player *cough Phil Jackson *cough).

This year’s draft can be the same as last year’s, just the perception of certain players similar to the ones we were lukewarm on a year ago changed. People harshing the buzz about Josh Jackson and his inability to shoot, forgetting their utter indifference towards similar and superior 2016 draft choice Jaylen Brown. Guards who cannot shoot earn praise over a gym rat like Jamal Murray, who was selected amidst yawns from the talking head crowd.

Ainge usually had to pick from the rut of the litter, having to get creative in how to use useless assets from sheer wit…and mostly prying off dimwitted GMs. Hey, the greats in sports always made a living off ripping off the uneducated. The only reason the Lakers were able to get Magic Johnson is because the Utah Jazz wanted an almost forty-year-old Gail Goodrich. The reason Red Auerbach constructed the greatest front-court in league history is by flipping number 1 pick Joe Barry Carroll for pick number three and Robert Parish…uh….

In his first NBA Draft rodeo Ainge turned two useless copper pieces (Troy Bell & Dahntay Jones) for Kendrick Perkins. Brandon Hunter lasted only two seasons before being submerged in a black hole, never to be heard of again. The following year, Danny enjoyed his greatest draft class; is damning praise considering the names, but bare with me: Al Jefferson (15), Delonte West (24), Tony Allen (25), Justin Reed (40). Taking on Chunky Atkins and Linsey Hunter so the Detroit Pistons could trade for Rasheed Wallace, Boston obtained an extra first rounder in return. And while Big Al was never an All-Star, his highest honor was All-NBA Third Team in 2014, he averaged a double-double four times in his career, found himself on some decent low-seeded playoff teams as their second or third best player. Delonte was the starting SG for two sixty-win LeBron-led Cavalier teams, shot a respectful 44.9 fg% and probably slept with..ugh, almost said the wrong thing there. Hehehe.

Tony Allen played a key role on the 2008 championship Celtics, 2010 finalist Celtics, western conference finalist Memphis Grizzlies in 2013 and is still a plus on defense to this day.

Delonte and Al helped the famous KG deal happen; West, along with Jeff Green (5th overall pick of '07), Wally Szczerbiak, later traded to Seattle for Ray Allen and Glen Davis, irreplaceable parts to the '08 & '10 teams.

The Celtics draft class of 2004 did more good on the trade market than on the floor wearing green and white; Ainge is known more for his shrewd trading, this is when “Trader Danny” and “Draft Picker Danny” became one for one night only. In 2005, Ainge fell in love with the letter “G” and tapped Gerald Green, Ryan Gomes and Orien Greene. Trash. Trash. Uber trash. I will say this: Gerry G helped Boston not get swept by the Bulls, being inserted into the starting lineup in Game 3 helped swing the series. And a revenge minded Rajon Rondo getting sidelined. Orien Greene posted a magnificent negative 0.7 win shares. I’m going to give Danny an “L” for Draft Day 2005.

In '06, slotted with the seventh choice, Ainge picked Randy Foye for the Portland Trailblazers in return for them taking Raef LaFrentz’ albatross. The next pick was Rudy Gay. Gay is fifth in the draft in win shares, behind Rajon Rondo (Ainge traded the pick that would become Rudy Fernandez for RR on draft night), Kyle Lowry, LaMarcus Aldridge and Paul Millsap.

Am I crying tears the Celtics didn’t draft the guy who’s improved every team he’s been on by just not being on it anymore? No. No, not really.

Foye hung around the NBA, drifting and compiling stats on piss-poor teams. Will proudly let it fly in garbage time, Foye became a way to for OKC management, desperate to appease an approaching free agency Kevin Durant, but not willing to spend, to act as if they were adding to a Finals contender; the Thunder fell one game short of reaching that NBA Finals that year. Forget all I said on him taking the easy way out, they deserved to lose KD.

Rajon Rondo transformed himself to a redundant starter on a team that didn’t need him, to the engine that made the Ford Model-T run. In 2010 he outplayed LeBron James -in his prime- in a playoff series (20.7 pts, 6.3 trb, 11.8 ast) - almost did it again in 2012 - (20.9 pts, 6.9 trb, 11.3 ast), was the third best player on a finals runner-up (13.6 pts 6.3 trb, 7.6 ast) and was only twenty-three after the 2010 Finals. After 2012, I firmly believed Rondo was the bridge to Boston staying relevant post-Big 3. When the stoic C’s returned for the 2012-13 season, revamped with Courtney Lee, Jason Terry and Leonardo Barbosa set the stage for Rondo to graduate from overqualified complimentary player to a contending team’s number one.

Only that didn’t happen. Statistically Rondo enjoyed one of his greatest season yet, 44.8 fg%, 13.7 pts, 11.1 ast, 5.6 trb, 1.8 stl; started the season on fire, but his double-doubles didn’t lead to team success. Rondo complied four triple-doubles (3-1 in those games), sixteen double-doubles and Boston was 20-23 in the middle of what Rondo’s career defining season. Half the year and Boston failed to play above-.500 ball. Post-Rondo injury: 21-17. Players improved too:

Brandon Bass Pre-Rondo Injury: 6.8 FGA, 44.6%, 7.4 pts, 4.9 trb

Post-Rondo: 7.8 FGA, 52.5%, 10.1 pts, 5.7 trb

Jason Terry Pre-Rondo Injury: 8.3 FGA 42.6 fg%, 36.1%, 9.8 pts, 2.2 ast, 0.9 stl

Post-Rondo: 8 FGA, 44.3 fg%, 38.4 3P%, 10.1 pts, 2.8 ast, 0.8 stl

Kevin Garnett Pre-Rondo Injury: 12.2 FGA, 50.1 fg%, 14.7 pts, 7.4 trb, 0.9 blk

Post Rondo: 13.1 FGA, 48.9 fg%, 14.8 pts, 8.9 trb, 0.9 blk

Paul Pierce Pre-Rondo Injury: 15 FGA, 42 fg%, 35.2 3P%, 5.5 FTA, 18.8 pts, 5.7 trb, 3.8 ast, 1.4 stl

Post Rondo: 13.1 FGA, 45.9 fg%, 41.7 3P%, 5.5 FTA, 18.3 pts, 7.1 trb, 6.1 ast, 0.7 stl

Either players improved noticeably or the Rajon Rondo injury didn’t affect their stats one-bit. Originally, I scoffed at the notion that the Celtics were better without Rondo. Now it’s not even a debate. Rondo hunted for assists, padded his rebounding stats and passed up easier shots - either because he never trusted his jump shot or he wanted to increase his assists totals. Rookie Jared Sullinger, veteran bench swing man Leonardo Barbosa fell to season-ending injuries as well, did more to cripple a thought to be promising last ride for Pierce-KG than their starting point guard.

It was his take no shit demeanor that made a name for himself on a team with three Hall of Famers that lead to his destructive behavior in Dallas, Sacramento and Chicago. The league also moved away from his style: a point guard that could pass extremely well, is a ball-stopper, can’t shoot and used to be a fantastic defender. Put him in the 1980s, early 90s and Rondo gets COMPs to Celtics Dennis Johnson. He was just born in the wrong time.

In 2008, Ainge drafted Jeff Green for the defunct Seattle Supersonics in the aforementioned Ray Allen trade. Jeffery Green went from an intriguing prospect in 2010 to one of the most frustrating players in the NBA. I’ve watched Jeff Green play on my team for two-in-half-years, there was a gear collecting dust in that head of his. Green had the body, athleticism and talent to be a top scoring wing, but he only wanted to play at a high level once every few weeks. In 2012-13 the majority of he time he spent his time at the four, Pierce flanking him at the three and Kevin Garnett at the five. Naturally, Green enjoyed statistically his best season, shooting 46.7% from the field, 38.5% from three-point and a career high in PER with 15. When those two left, his numbers became…empty calories. His scoring average went up on the year, but it was then Green became an asset with questionable value, not a building block for the future.

A damn shame. The three brightest moments of the Jeff Green-Boston era were his 43 point duel with LeBron in the middle of their twenty-seven game winning streak. Tom Heinsohn is known around Boston to make almost idiotic comparisons to legendary players with those who would later fall off the face of the earth (Greg Stiemsma = Bill Russell, Leon Powe is Moses Malone), for Jeff Green, Tommy thought of James Worthy. For that one night, he was James Worthy.

Second greatest Jeff Green moment was during the failed rally against the Knicks in Game 6 of the 2013 playoffs. Also known as: “Pierce and Garnett’s Last Stand”, with 5:45 left in the fourth, Boston down 75-68, Jeff Green, coming off a heart surgery less than a year earlier drove to the basket and drew a crucial foul and sent to the line. By then the Celtics have all but completely closed the massive 26 point deficit the Knicks owned with 9:31 left. In less than four-minutes, Pierce, KG and Green lead us back. Stepping up to the charity stripe, the crowd was long ago unglued from their seats. I watched at home, my stomach in knots, knowing his was probably the end of this era of Celtics basketball if not victorious. The raucous crowd not willing to let the KG era end chanted at the top of their lungs “JEFF GREEN JEFF GREEN JEFF GREEN”…and he missed the free throw. If I had to pick a singular moment to describe my experience watching Jeff Green: I’d choose that one. No matter how hard you believed, the teasing he put all of Celtics Nation through would never stop. His scoring came and went as it pleased.

The last one: a very sentimental moment for him and me as a sucker for happy endings. On an obscure late March night in Cleveland, the post-LeBron days miserable as they were unbearable to just watch, the 22-47 Cavaliers lead Boston by one measly point with 9.2 seconds left. Off an assist from Avery Bradley, Jeff Green took the feed and laid in the game-winner and went directly to a court side seat and hugged the person responsible for him being alive: his heart doctor. After being traded from the Thunder in 2011, it came out Green was in need of serious heart surgery. Sam Presti didn’t disclose that piece of information to Ainge while the negotiations were going down. As penalty, David Stern took a second round draft choice from OKC. Sounds fair. Team lies about a player’s medical records to get ahead, a second round pick fits the crime. Lenient jackasses.

From a story standpoint Jeff Green is a 'Lifetime’ special that writes itself. But when it came to actual substance, Green failed to reach levels even those hacks at HBO wouldn’t touch. I had high hopes for Green once he was traded to the Memphis Grizzlies. A team with three established scoring options - that two years ago shocked the world by making it to the conference finals, I believed Green would thrive as a role-player tasked with only taking over games once in every while, the burden lightened on him and the spotlight almost completely off him. But the same trick-or-treat performances that made Boston fans pull their hair out, did the same to the Grizzlies faithful. Teams have learned the hard way that Jeff Green isn’t the answer to any of their questions; there isn’t a switch to be flipped or a fire yearning to ignite within him. He’s Jeff Green. Nothing more.

In 2008, the defending champion Celtics weren’t expected to add much in ways of the draft considering their low position, holding the final selections of the first and second rounds. For whatever reason, I still do not know, Ainge’s biggest blemish in the draft came from this draft by selecting 23-year-old gunner J.R Giddens over DeAndre Jordan, Goron Dragic and Luc Mbah a Moute. Giddens played only 38 games in his professional career and amounted to very little. When you find yourself in a situation that is likely to warrant little success playing it safe, a risk is what is in order to at least maximize the little opportunity you have. Ainge didn’t do that. He went for an experienced hand. This one falls into the “indefensible” category. Most likely the stigma of “Ainge is a bad drafter” stems from this choice and the infamous Fab Melo decision. The next year Boston found themselves without a first round pick (traded to Minnesota for Kevin Garnett; became pick 28: Wayne Ellington), picking fifty-eighth Ainge selected Lester Hudson, point guard, and hasn’t played a single second of professional ball since 2015. Another swing in a miss. And in such a great place in the draft too.

2010, off the heels of one of the toughest losses in my sports fandom, coming ever so close to squeezing one more title out of the Pierce-KG-Ray core, Ainge drafts a soon to be staple of the Celtics next generation: SG from the University of Texas Avery Bradley. First-Team All-Defense and has grown into a quality jump-shooter. Picked nineteenth. Interestingly enough, Eric Bledsoe was picked 18th, right before him at eighteen by the Thunder; traded for a first round pick that became…Fab Melo. See how this all ties together. Fifty-second pick was power forward Luke Harangody from Norte Dame, lasted two seasons before falling off the face of the earth. But if you land just Avery Bradley with your already low draft choice then you’ve exceeded all expectations. Albeit, low set expectations, but regardless, Avery Bradley would go in the lottery if the draft was redone.

The next year, Ainge again found himself picking his favorites in the undesirables bin: MarShon Brooks, guard out of Providence and E'Twaun Moore guard outta Purdue. Both gave the Celtics absolutely nothing. Brooks found himself packing for Brooklyn not too long after Stern called up his name, flipped for the equally forgettable JaJuan Johnson. Then sent back to Boston in 2013 in the Billy King very skilful deal that destroyed Brooklyn Nets basketball, later moved to Golden State with Jordan Crawford for picks that would later become Jordan Mickey, Ben Bentil and Deyonta Davis. Three “we’ll wait and see” fellas, I wish tremendous success for.

Moore did squat in Boston and Orlando. It was his third stop, Chicago, in the last year of his contract he became a quality energy shooter from deep. Nailing 45.2% of his threes, out of a measly 104 attempts. Earning himself a contract worth $34 million four-years. His three-point attempts doubled on the unstable Pelicans, making a respectful 37% of them and shooting a career-high 50.1% on 2s. While he did this for Chicago and New Orléans, E.T proves, yet again, that Ainge isn’t a dummy and can spot a penny in the rough - I was going to say “diamond in the rough, but I’m not that much of a homer.

On June 28th, 2012, after the AARP Celtics almost snuck into the Finals for a third time in five seasons, Ainge reloaded with Ohio State power forward Jared Sullinger at 16, Syracuse center and recently departed Fab Melo (who I’m ashamed to admit I liked when picked), and Kris Joseph, mostly known for being one of the throw-Ins for the Brooklyn deal a year into the future.

I was irrationally high on Sully after one game I saw him play at Ohio State in the tournament. I knew he was going to drop because of his back injury scaring off other teams, I kept my fingers crossed the Celtics would scoop him up. And they did.

Sully gets a lot of flack, is a frequent and an easy punching bag for Celtics & NBA fans for his weight issues, but for four seasons he was mostly productive, 16 points, 11.1 rebounds were his per 36 averages; basic averages 11.1 points, 7.7 rebounds. Before succumbing to a stress fracture caused mostly to his overweight stature, Sully averaged 14.4 pts, 8.1 trb, 2.1 ast, 0.7 stl, 0.7 blk, a respectable 21 DRB%, and an average 105 DRtg. Solid. Admittedly, his flaws became prevalent around this time too. Too short to guard opposing team’s centers, too slow to guard fours like Paul Millsap. He only worsened after the injury. Expected to miss the rest of the year, Sully went from an “untouchable” asset, to a laughingstock.

Yet, he returned after just twenty-four games missed, slowly worked his way back to the lineup, played adequately in the final three games of a four game sweep at the hands of the Cleveland Cavaliers, putting up a 15 & 8, including a hopeful 21 and 11 in Game 4, off of 9 of 17 shooting. For me, hopes were high he’d turned a corner and could produce at a starter-quality level.

Over the summer of 2015, Ainge made moves to ensure Boston wouldn’t have to rely on Sullinger. Signing Amir Johnson, Jonas Jerebko, drafting Jordan Mickey and trading for Golden State Warriors center David Lee. Only Mickey didn’t progress, Lee was a net-negative on the floor and Steens had to save Amir’s knees for the homestretch of the season. So, Sully got the tap to start 73 games, 47 of those were victories, posted up 25 double-doubles and enjoyed his best season.

Considering where Sullinger found himself ripped for the plucking, four solid years was more than enough. Typically teams take either a draft & stash guy, or a player that never sees the floor and lives in the D (oh, I’m sorry. G)-League.

Fab Melo…I honestly thought he’d be a staple of our rotation. Give me a break, I was fourteen. How was I supposed to know he’d be a bad fit…for basketball in general. As Zach Lowe described the craziness of Melo being taken, it was a team that secured their guy with their late first round pick, had back-to-back picks and figured they’d take a gamble. Ainge did and somehow came out of the house with less than what little he had going in.

The next year, Ainge traded number thirteen pick Lucas Nogueria, an intriguing prospect in Toronto, moved to Dallas on draft night for Kelly Olynyk. Like Sullinger, Olynyk was a frequent punching bag for many Celtics fans, including myself. But all in all, he’s been a solid big man. No way was Ainge taking Giannis with that pick. All scouts had to go from him were grainy footage of this guy who was head above shoulders against competition that possibly wasn’t even in his age group.

Olynyk enjoyed an under the radar great year in 2016-17, averaging 60.8% on twos, 51.2% from the field, a career-high in True Shooting, 60.3%, DRB% (20.7 and AST% (15.2). And he got hot at precisely the right time in the postseason. After Game 2’s lost to the Bulls, Olynyk shot 59.2%, including his famous 10 for 14, 26 point performance in Game 7 to push the C’s over a very good Wizards team.

I don’t care anymore. The Kelly Olynyk pick is fine in my book, and he’ll most likely find a new team this summer. So let Game 7 be your last memory of the man-bun.

That’s pretty much it. After 2013 there’s a bunch of wait-and-see guys: Marcus Smart (still would take him over Payton), James Young (big bummer), Terry Rozier (shown brief flashes in the playoffs), R.J Hunter (bigger bummer), Jordan Mickey (monumental bummer), Jaylen Brown (promising), Guerschon Yabusele, Ante Zizic (hopefully we’ll see them next season), Deyonta Davis (traded), Rade Zagorac (not wasting a BBall.Ref search on him), Demetrius Jackson (maybe a third guard in the future??), Ben Bentil (let go because of the roster crunch. Bummer), and Abdul Nader (In Maine with Yabu).

Going into tonight’s extravaganza, Ainge holds the third pick. Most likely he’ll take either Kansas forward Josh Jackson, a feisty competitor that can’t shoot for shit, or Duke forward Jayson Tatum, a good-natured kid that can shoot for shit, but can’t defend. Ainge isn’t one to shy away from gambles; he’s been itching to make a move for a while. We’ll see who he picks. But his track record isn’t as bad as people say.

Number of Notable Hits: Perkins (via trade), Rondo (via trade), Olynyk (via trade), Al Jefferson, Delonte West, Tony Allen, Jared Sullinger, E'Twaun Moore

Notable Misses: Gerald Green, Ryan Gomes, Orien Greene, J.R Giddens, Fab Melo

Notable We’ll Wait and Sees: Smart, Brown, Rozier, Nader, Zizic, Yabu

That’s seven notable hits, five notable misses and six notable we’ll wait and sees. Not bad considering Ainge’s average pick place is somewhere just below twenty.

[filosofablogger]

“Mark my word. A combination airplane and motorcar is coming. You may smile. But it will come.” – Henry Ford, circa 1940

You may remember my previous posts No Driverless Cars, Please; Installing Morals Into Self-Driving Cars;  A New Kind Of Hood Ornament;  Crash!  about driverless cars.  You may also remember that I am not sold on the idea, though I am also less than enthusiastic about humans being allowed to operate a 2,000 pound potential projectile on roadways!  Well … those fears were bad enough, but today I find that it is even worse than I feared.  Welcome, the … {drumroll} … FLYING CAR!!!

Three headlines just this week:

AeroMobil Flying Car now available for pre-order

Uber Really Seriously Promises Flying Cars by 2020

It’s Time for a Reality Check on Flying Cars Like Uber’s

And Filosofa is now ready to give up any and all driving privileges and become a complete hermit.

I don’t deny that technology has some benefits and has been used to do some good things.  For example, my electricity went out one day a couple of weeks ago.  No reason that I could tell … it was neither stormy nor windy, but the electricity flickered, then died.  I wondered what happened, wondered if it would be out for a few minutes, or a few days.  But I did not have to wonder for long, because within 10 minutes or so I received a text message from Duke Energy informing me that they were aware of an outage in the area and that they anticipated having power restored no later than 4:30 p.m.  The power actually came back on around 3:30 p.m., and within just a few minutes I received another text message from Duke asking me to text “1” if my power was restored, “2” if I was unsure, and “3” if it was still out.  I am just curious how a person would be ‘unsure’ whether they had electricity or not. I texted “1” and received a ‘thank you” text in return.  At the time, I thought, “what a great use for technology!!!”

But I do NOT think flying cars is a great use of technology.  At least, I do not think it is a technology for which the world is ready, given that people seem to have enough trouble driving safely on the roadways.  However, there are a number of companies vying to be the first to market a viable flying car, most determined to have them in the hands of crazy drivers everywhere by at least 2020.

First, there is the Kitty Hawk Flyer …

This is not the most impressive, as it does not actually resemble a car at all, and only carries one person … no passengers, no luggage, no bags of groceries.  The Flyer is the brainchild of a Silicone Valley start-up called Kitty Hawk, funded by Google founder Larry Page. The company plans to have their car in production and available to the public by the end of this year. No word yet on the price, but interested parties can pay $100 to sign up for a $2,000 discount on the retail price.

Of a more practical nature is the AeroMobil Flying Car …

This one was unveiled this week at Top Marques Monaco by none other than the Prince of Monaco himself, and is already available for pre-order, though it is not expected to go into full production until 2020.  It can be driven on the highway, at speeds up to 99 miles per hour, then converted for flying in under three minutes, and take to the air at speeds up to 161 miles per hour.  It is also capable of carrying up to 529 pounds, or two adults plus luggage, unless the adults are super-chunky.  Though the final price is not yet set, it is expected to run between $1.2 million to $1.6 million.  Whew … it is comforting to know that only 1% of the population will stand a chance at buying one!

And lastly, there is the Uber Air Taxi …

This one is different from the AeroMobil in that it uses vertical takeoff and landing vehicle (VTOL), rather like a helicopter, so no runway is needed.  They would operate from “vertiports” situated around urban areas, predominantly atop buildings. And, at some point in the future, they would be unmanned. GASP … shoot me now!  The initial testing is expected in 2020 in Dallas and Dubai.  Sigh.

Airbus is also working on a similar concept, as are a number of other companies, Aurora Flight Sciences, Joby Aviation and Zee.Aero.

There are a number of obstacles that must be addressed before any of these vehicles can actually be placed in the hands of the public:

What happens in the event of a mechanical failure? One cannot simply pull off to the side of the road when there is no road.  Gravity plays a role here …

Today’s battery technology cannot support flights of a reasonable distance, say a 30- or 50-mile commute.

Weather conditions – how will these relatively lightweight vehicles deal with strong winds, sleet, and the like?

How much air do you own above your home? A plane at 30,000 feet is probably okay, but a flying car at 100 feet probably isn’t. The law is not clear on this.

Air traffic control systems will need to be re-structured to accommodate these types of vehicles.

The Federal Aviation Agency (FAA) will need to come up with a set of regulations … and obviously police will need to have a presence in the air … how else will they stop speeders and reckless flyers? Instead of DWI, will we have FWI?

And the biggest hurdle, at least from my perspective, is that I do not think most humans are capable of ‘driving’ safely 100-200 feet in the air … heck, most humans seem incapable of driving safely anywhere, as they are typically distracted by cell phones, juggling beverages & food, or disciplining their kids in the back seat.

I have serious reservations about the whole self-driving car thing.  I think recreational drones are interesting, but I am not a fan.  I was thoroughly distressed when I heard that Amazon was considering using drones to deliver packages, envisioning stepping outside my front door one day, only to have my monthly shipment of Tide pods, Mr. Clean, Cascade and coffee pods land smack on top of my head!  But the thoughts of drivers flying around just over my head … no … just NO.

Self-driving car expert Brad Templeton recently said, “I love the idea of being able to go out into my backyard and hop into my flying car, but I hate the idea of my next-door neighbor having one.”

Ready For Flying Cars … ??? "Mark my word. A combination airplane and motorcar is coming. You may smile. But it will come.”