#Watching waiting sings the lighthouse at the end of the universe

[duskdragon39]

If you are so inclined. Trick or treat?

:O

For you, a trick:

The heart of the matter is this: a sense of place is a sense of perception. It's community and communication and history, bound up into physical location.

The problem with Avery Marsh is that. Well. When you excise someone's community, his ability to communicate, and half his history - how can you expect the location to make up the difference?

[ppersonna]

indulgence - jjk | m

love of mine, won't you lay by my side and rest your weary eyes before we're out of time? give me one last kiss for soon such distance will stretch between our lips - as much as i ever could, city and colour

↳ summary- Sometimes your boyfriend Jungkook reminds you how much you love him by doing absolutely nothing at all.

↳ rating- explicit / 18+

↳ word count- 3.8k

↳ pairing- jungkook x reader

↳ genre- fluffy smut, smutty fluff, whatever you wanna call it. its got fluff and smut, established relationship

↳ warnings- oral sex (m receiving), penetrative sex, real hot love making, squirting? sure, unprotected sex (condoms are cool use them)

↳ a/n- lindy is in her feels apparently because this was supposed to be hot and kinky and i just made it real romantic but whatever dskgjkg. thanks to @sugarly-laysa​ for requesting jk smut i hope this is good for you, booboo  ily all thanks for reading!! feel free to come chat with me, request smth, tell me how your day is, etc etc etc.  enjoy cute babie jk being cute.

You’re not sure why the universe decided you are lucky enough to be the one to love Jeon Jungkook, but as you trudge into your apartment after an inexplicably horrific day at work, you realize you should thank your lucky stars for aligning just right to make him yours.

Jungkook doesn’t realize you’re home.  He’s too distracted at the sink, hands soapy as he scrubs at the dishes from the day.  He’s wearing those jeans you love, the ones that fit him tightly and show off his perfectly shaped ass and toned thighs.  He’s singing off key to his own songs, hips rolling in a minute version of his carefully practiced choreography.  He performs for the dishes only, unaware of the audience of one in the doorway.  

A smile that hasn’t broken through the cloud of despair all day makes its way on to your lips without you even noticing.

Jungkook is like the lighthouse in the storm.  He guides you home and keeps you safe from crashing and burning. His presence brings you safe harbor and you find yourself able to be at peace no matter what, as long as he’s there keeping his light on for you.

You don’t announce your presence.  You’re unwilling to end his show too early.  He continues scrubbing at pots, often flinging his watery hands around the room as he continues to dance like he’s performing at Seoul Olympic Stadium all over again.  Although his movements are jerky and unrefined now in his multitasking and his singing is definitely a pitch or two off, he pours his heart into the private performance.  

It makes your heart clench.  You love how much he loves his career, his life.  He’s grown up in it—it's the only world he knows and yet it still hasn’t tainted him.  He grew into a man capable of so much more than just singing and dancing, and you loved watching him blossom with every passing year.

Jungkook has clearly taken care to clean the entire house today.  You hadn’t asked him, and truthfully you never needed to.  He was as good of a partner as you could get.  He never felt you should be responsible for household tasks.  He took care of his own things, like a grown man should.  He adored it when you helped, washed his clothes for him or cleaned up his mess after a night of gaming, but whatever you gave to him, he did back for you plus some.

As you lean against the wall, staring at the love of your life popstar boyfriend pretending to be a popstar, wooden spoon as microphone and all, you recognize you’re the luckiest girl in Korea.  Maybe even the world.

Jungkook is pirouetting around as he hits his high notes of ‘ON’ and shakily ends his solo in a deep lunge.  It breaks you from your silent role, a laugh finally making its way out and he snaps his eyes open and blushes.

“Hi,” he says sheepishly.  He holds the spoon in both clasped hands, as if to signify he totally wasn’t just singing into it like a microphone.

“Hi,” you reply.  Your coat and shoes come off, bag hung on the hook, and you make your way to him. 

“You washed the dishes,” you state as you approach.  He looks confused for a moment.

“Yeah, I made lunch earlier so I wanted to get them cleaned up.”  His confusion is apparent, unable to decipher the look in your eyes.

You’re staring at him with heat, an undeniable hunger.  The fact that Jeon Jungkook is yours and is in your kitchen doing his own dishes hits you hard.  It soaks you to the core.  Maybe it’s the domestic side of you, but you’re absolutely salivating at the thought he cleaned the kitchen and his mess with no problem.  He didn’t even do it to impress you, he just did it.  And you’re aching for him.

You’re slowly lowering yourself to your knees and Jungkook’s eyes widen.

“Wh-what are you doing? You just got home from work.” 

“I’m going to suck your cock.”  Your words are simple, and it makes him shiver.

“But why?”  The bulge in his pants grows regardless of his suspicion.

Your hands make their way up his solid thighs, muscles rippling under your favorite pair of jeans he owns, until they land at his button and fly.

“Because I really, really, really want to suck your cock until you cum down my throat.  Then I might do it again.”

He stifles a groan and nearly drops the wooden makeshift microphone from his grip.  

“Not that I’m complainin-ahhh...” he gasps as you pull his pants and underwear down to his knees and his cock springs free. “Shit—I mean I’m down but is there a reason?”

Your hands rub at his thighs once more and you smile sweetly at him.  

“Because I am in love with you.”

Jungkook is still confused. You know he wants to ask more, but your hand grips his length and all questions fly out of his mind as fast as they enter. 

“Okaaayy,” he sighs.  

He wants to tip his head back in bliss as you pump your hand, but he also wants to maintain eye contact with you.  How can he not? You’re gazing up at him as if he’s the one responsible for putting all the stars in the sky—like he lit every single one of them for you.  The intensity is intoxicating to both of you.

You can’t move your eyes away from him.  They trace over the lines of his face, the smoothness of his skin, the way his hair falls onto his forehead with just the perfect swoop.  You’re seeing him through fresh eyes for a moment, and it feels like you’re drunk.

“I love you,” you murmur as your lips move closer to him.  Jungkook sighs and lets his eyes close for a moment.  He can feel the heat of your breath on his tip, you’re sure of that, and as much fun as it is to tease him you can’t bring yourself to do it tonight when you’re so desperate to make him feel good.

“I love you too,” he coos. “Especially when you come home and wanna blow me immediately.”  He grins cheekily as he opens his eyes back up and looks at you.  Jungkook can’t stay serious in a situation to save his life.  Leave it to him to still try to make you smile when you’re about to milk his cock dry with your mouth.

“I should do it more often,” you assess as your tongue flicks out at the head.  You let it rub gently at the slit at the top where moisture has accumulated.  It tastes salty, it tastes like him.  

“You should?” He questions with a hiss at the feel of you.  “I mean, yeah, you should.”  He corrects himself and bites his lip.  Your tongue is still laving at the surface of his head, a sweet torture that makes his knees feel weak. 

“You did the dishes,” you repeat as your tongue now slides down his shaft.  It follows down the underside, the vein guiding you towards his pelvis and down to his balls.  You allow yourself to spend some time there, licking and sucking at them lightly.

“Oh f-fuck,” he gasps. “If this is what I get for doing the dishes, I’ll do them m-more.”  

You hum in reply as you suction them into your mouth and swirl them gently.  Your hand remains on his thick length, gently pumping and caressing him to keep him stimulated.  You can tell he’s losing his mind.  He’s been caught off guard and is now getting his cock worshipped by you.  You’re still in your work clothes—oxford shirt and tight skirt.  It makes Jungkook even harder, if that is possible.  He likes the idea that you literally couldn’t wait another second to get his dick in your hot little mouth.

You release him from your mouth and he moans at the feeling of the air on the moistened skin.  

“Fuck,” he whines. “You’re so hot.”

You smile up at him again as you kiss his length, punctuating each spot on his dick with a press of your lips. You trail back up to the head where he’s leaked more pre-cum, and you waste no time in wrapping your lips around the tip and suckling lightly.

“Shit!” He yelps at the sudden pleasure.  “Oh, my god.”

He’s going to lose the ability to speak coherently, you both know it.  He can last until you’re taking him into your throat, then he may as well be speaking a foreign language.  You never understand what he’s saying except the occasional gasp of your name.  You can’t wait until he gets there tonight.  You love sucking him stupid.

Your mouth accepts more of him in, tongue lapping at any surface it can as you pull him in deeper to your mouth.  He’s sighing his ‘please’s and ‘thank you’s like a proper gentleman, and one soapy hand comes to rest at your hair.  He gently pushes back any bangs or stray sections of hair that threaten to impede your pursuit.  He holds your hair back gently and watches you close.

Doe's eyes look back at him and soon you’ve got him buried inside you.  Tip to the back of your throat, your nose buried in the light splatters of hair at his base.  He is whimpering now, can’t believe a few minutes ago he was washing the dishes and now he’s balls deep in your throat.  

“Babe, oh my god,” he’s trying hard not to stutter.  He feels like he could cum, but he wants more.  He begs his body to behave, to let you have your way with him.  “S-so good.”

It pleases you; the approval rolling over your body like fine silk.  His voice is shaky and getting close to the sexy, fucked out sound that has you dripping.  

You allow him to rest inside your throat for a moment, swallowing around him to allow him the feel of the tightness, before you’re pulling away and starting a pace of bobbing your head up and down on him.  You never let your eyes leave his.  Even when he’s closing them in pleasure, you maintain constant contact with his.

He looks back down at you and feels his body quake.  You look incredible, still all dressed up and made up, red lips wrapped around his cock and bobbing a pace that gets him closer to the edge than he’d like to admit.  

His cock feels heavy on your tongue and it’s exhilarating.  You almost wish you could be attached to his cock at all times, sucking him until he’s had his fill for a few moments, then returning to the action.  You kick yourself for all the times you’ve not been sucking his dick.

Your hand joins in to assist your plight, fist gripping the areas of his cock you cannot reach with your mouth alone and pumping in time with your head bobs.  His cock quickly slicks up with your saliva and it’s easy to stroke him with the lubrication.

“Ohhhhh, fuuuu-,” he whines.  You smile at yourself.  You’ve made it.  You’re at the place where Jungkook forgets his native language and begins speaking a new one that only he is capable of translating.  He groans out unintelligible syllables, and it makes you go even faster knowing he’s past the point of no return.  

“Be-,..” he gasps. “Bayb-... Gonna cum.”  He warns.  His thighs are quivering and you allow the hand that isn’t stroking his perfect cock to completion to rest on one solid muscle, hoping it will help still the seizing in his legs.   You don’t slow down, don’t stop for a single second as you know he’s so near the edge.

You can tell by his facial expressions when he’s about to hit his high.  His moans go from loud and echoing around the room to silent, mouth agape in noiseless rapture.  His eyes close tight and his body tenses.  If he was naked, like he normally is when you’re doing this, you would see his abs tense so hard that a defined six-pack is on display like a little reward for sucking his dick so well.  His neck veins become more prominent and you can tell that with just a few more sucks, a little lick here and a nice hard pump there,

He’s cumming.  You feel the heat of his seed spill into your mouth and you slow your motions but don’t stop, never stop, as you coax as much of him out as you can.  His silence is broken as he groans in time with each pulse of his cock.

It’s a few seconds later when he comes back to reality, when he’s restored with the ability to speak a language you both know.

You pull away from him only when you feel his cock weaken, soften, inside of your mouth.  You release him and give him a show of your open mouth and hot white cum loaded on your tongue.  Like you want to savor each drop, not let a single drip go uncherished. It’s a fine dessert, you want to appreciate the flavor forever.

The act makes Jungkook groan.

“What the fuck,” he pants.  “That was so fucking good.”

You smile and close your mouth, allowing the pooled liquid to slide down your tongue.  For the first time that night, you allow yourself to close your eyes and relish.  It’s a familiar taste, the flavor of Jeon Jungkook that is incredibly addictive.  It tastes like home.  It tastes like love.  A high rushes through your veins, more powerful than any drug, of that you’re certain.  You feel drunk and euphoric.

He notices this and smiles at you.  His cock is still out, hanging out of his jeans awkwardly, but neither of you care.  He cups a hand on the side of your face and lets his thumb stroke your cheek gently.  

“You’re so good to me,” he whispers.  You open your eyes now, level them to look at the man above you.  He holds your face delicately and the penetrating stare he returns is adoring.  You are his prized possession—in his eyes you are appraised higher than any of the glittering gold awards lining your shelves.  

“I love you,” he states.  “Not just because you sucked the life out of me.”

There it is again, his cheeky jesting that captured you in the first place.  You slip a laugh from your lips as your hands unbutton your top.  You’re staring at each other and intention is written in the gaze.  He never wavers from your watch.  He doesn’t move his glance elsewhere as your top falls to the floor and your bra soon joins it.  He’s maintaining his firm sight as you slip the skirt off.  

Jungkook pushes the jeans to the floor and steps out of them.  There’s no talking, no dialogue.  No dirty talk, no kinky banter.  His plain shirt joins the rest of the discarded clothing items and he stalks to you and lays you down on the hardwood floor of your kitchen. 

It’s so heated, the surrounding energy, that it warms your skin in the otherwise cool air.  Jungkook radiates so much it’s palpable.  He presses his lips to yours and kisses you deeply, tongue immediately sliding inside as he’s desperate to taste himself on you, to solidify the notion you are his and he is inside you, both physically and metaphorically.  

His hand runs down your body as you kiss and suck at each other's lips.  It’s like kissing him for the first time all over again the way your body reacts.  Your veins feel as if they’ve been dipped into lava, it boils through your entire body and threatens to melt your core.  His fingers rub at your breasts for a moment.  He’d ordinarily spend time on them, but tonight is different.  Tonight there is one mission between the two of you, and that is to have him buried inside your tiny cunt as soon as he can.

The hand slips further. It caresses the smooth skin of your stomach and slowly sweeps down to your core where he feels the full extent of your love, of your arousal.  You’re drenched and have been since you first spotted him with his hands deep in soapy water and his own lyrics belting out of his mouth.   He doesn’t bother with foreplay—there’s no need tonight.  He’s sure he’ll be able to slip inside you with ease.  He allows a finger to run over your clit and gather up wetness there, before he drags it up and pulls away from your lips to lick your taste into his mouth.  It’s only fair he has you inside as you do him.  

The act has you gasping for air, lungs feeling as if you’re breathing underwater.  

He lines his cock up easily, finding it as if it’s magnetized to point to the true north of your center.  

His lips press against yours again as he pushes into you.  The stretch burns, matching the burning of the blood and the heat on your skin.  The feeling of him stretching you and filling you make you feel whole and complete.  You love the way his head nudges at your cervix, the way it kisses the tip with each thrust.

Jungkook sighs happily as he sinks in to the hilt.  You’re replying with your own assortment of moans and praises, kissing his lips hungrily as he starts movement between your hips.  His pace is slow and gentle.  He pulls out nearly all the way before he spears himself in again. He keeps his eyes on yours, watches the way your plump lips still covered in red lipstick opens and closes in awe and in fulfillment.  You’re boring into his own gaze, attempting to convey just how right he feels, how you’ve never felt an intense love-making as the one you’re engaged in now on the hardwood of your kitchen. 

You’re tight around him and he’s sure he’s close to the edge again.  He feels your channel tighten with each thrust in and it encourages him to ever so gently increase his speed until the sound of skin slapping is timing out a pace like a metronome.  He indulges in the feeling of your silken walls and the way it slicks up his cock and pulls him back in tight, desperately.

He lets a hand run back down you, meets your joined centers at the hood of your clit where he rubs circles around the nub.  It hits you hard as he murmurs his love and affection for you.  He whispers his devotion to you, to your body and soul, to your cunt.  He tells you he never wants to pull out of you, wishes he could bury himself inside the wet heat of your pussy for eternity. He’s never felt like this before, and he lets you know with each thrust of his hips, each roll of your clit around his finger.  

Your orgasm is approaching, you feel it not just in your core but nearly to your very bones.  It’s slithering its way up and wraps around your body, threatening to take over at any moment's notice.  You notice your words have run dry, that the sounds leaving you are as unintelligible as his and you realize you’re not so different.  He’s fucking you stupid and you feel it. 

“C-cumming!” You whine as your thighs tighten.  He powers through and continues his motions. 

“Cum for me,” he whispers.  “Cum, my love.  I love making you cum.”  

He doesn’t want to be dirty, doesn’t want to make you think of whips or chains that are fun on other nights right now.  He wants you to think of him.  Only him and the way the simple act of him being inside you and loving you has you coming completely undone.  You need no more, your body listens to Jungkook’s coaxing and releases you completely.  It hits like a hurricane and makes your body shake.  You feel wetness flooding your legs and if you were conscious enough, you’d recognize you’re quite literally squirting, but all you can feel is hot, white, deeply rooted pleasure that has you screaming and your body singing.  

Jungkook loses it as you soak his cock.  His body reacts to the knowledge he just made you squirt all over his dick from his slow and methodical pace, and he’s losing himself inside you.  His cock pulses with the intensity of his orgasm, as if it hadn’t just been given one earlier that rocked him entirely.  He pumps himself into you and stills as he feels himself finally stop filling you.  He doesn’t leave, still desires the ability to remain inside you all day, every day.

He kisses you again.  You’re panting and slick and wet and realizing now that you’ve just creamed yourself and your boyfriend on the floor of your kitchen, but when he kisses you, it doesn’t matter.  You don’t care as he presses his chest into yours and kisses you so hard he forgets to breathe, forgets he needs anything at all other than you. His body reminds him of his mortality and he pulls away, cum slicked hand coming up to move your sweaty hair from your face.

There’s no talking. There isn’t a need. You exchange enough between each other with the passion in your eyes and the softness in your grasp.

He holds you like he’s afraid to lose you and he lays himself down on the floor beside you, cock still resting inside your warmth.  He strokes his hand through your hair and down your back and over the hills and valleys of your curves. He sketches into your skin his love by the graze of his fingers and sucks your lips to his to embrace you fully.  He loves you.  You love him.  You both have never felt a love like this, one that encompasses you completely and shelters you from anything else.

Jungkook, always unable to maintain a sense of decorum, idly thinks he should wash the dishes more often.

© ppersonna - 2020 - do not repost on any site, or translate without express permission from author.

[somedayonbroadway]

If you have time, can you go into detail on the nerve AU?

Yes! I love this one

(Let me know if ya’ll wanna see a Sprace version) (also if you just wanna see all the boys playing Nerve)

Nerve AU

Characters

Katherine Plumber (@Plumbs278) — Vee

Jack Kelly (@jackthecowboy) — Ian

David Jacobs — Tommy

Spot Conlon (@brooklynsown) — Ty

Rafaela (@Rafe_baby) — Sydney

Coffee Bean — Liv

Darcy — Wes

Sarah Jacobs — Hacker Kween

JP — Hot Shot

Katherine Pulitzer is a photographer and reporter for her school newspaper. At the beginning of this story, she finds she’s been accepted into an amazing art school in California which she knows she’ll have to decline because her father (yes, we’re exercising our right to play Pulitzer as a good, loving parent) relies on Katherine emotionally and constantly tells her how excited he is that she’ll be going to a local university and will still be able to live at home. She’s afraid to leave him, especially after her older sister, Lucy, died only two years prior.

The morning everything begins, Katherine is on a video call with one of her two closest friends in the world, Rafaela. Rafaela believes herself to be a daredevil. She and Katherine have been friends since kindergarten. When Katherine answers the phone, she’s stalking her year long crush, Hot Shot. Rafe calls her out on it immediately.

This is when Rafe, yes we’re gonna call her Rafe because we can, introduces Katherine to a game called Nerve. Apparently this game has been around for a few years and Rafe has decided that this year, she was going to participate as a player.

In this game, there are two categories. Watchers and players. Watchers have to pay to watch players for 24 hours while players get paid to do dares ranging from mediocre little tricks to dangerous, life threatening stunts. Katherine warns Rafe that this game looks sketchy and weird, but Rafe still tries to convince Katherine to sign up to watch her play. Katherine almost does, but realizes that she’ll be late for school if she doesn’t start getting ready to go.

Her father is a nurse at a local hospital and often works late into the night but that never stops him from getting up to make Katherine breakfast in the morning. Katherine adores her father. But she knows that she still wants to leave the nest and get out of New York, at least for a little while.

She mentions to him that Rafaela hasn’t gotten accepted into any colleges yet and doesn’t care, to which Pulitzer responds she doesn’t have to care. Rafe has a trust fund but Katherine has ambition. Katherine then tries to tell her father that she wants to move away only to back out the second her father counters her.

At school, Katherine and her other best friend, David, are taking pictures of the football players for the school paper and David is teasing Katherine because her camera seems to be constantly focused on Hot Shot.

Once the players are all on the field, Katherine starts to focus more on the cheerleaders, mostly on Rafe who is the most energetic and eccentric of them all. Rafe rushes out into the crowd to give Coffee Bean and Darcy her phone, two other kids in their friend groups.

David and Katherine don’t truly know what’s going on, but Katherine gets her camera ready anyways, only to capture Rafe mooning an entire crowd of people for five seconds to complete her first dare in nerve, getting her tons of watchers immediately and sending her on her way to the top ten.

After getting suspended, Rafe takes her friends out to celebrate at Jacobi’s, a diner and a common hang out. This is where she explains she will continue playing Nerve, which Kath immediately argues with. Rafe then tells Katherine this is just something she likes to do and she wants to become insta famous, knowingly telling Kath it’s okay that she’s just a watcher.

Though Katherine tries to argue with David with her all the way, Rafaela proves her point by trying and failing to get Katherine to talk to Hot Shot, instead, going to talk to him herself, trying to get him to ask Kath out and finding Hot Shot isn’t interested.

Embarrassed, Katherine flees, running home. David stops Rafaela from going after her.

At home, Katherine finds the Nerve menu still on her computer. In a lapse of judgment, she signs up. As a player.

That’s when things begin to spiral out of control.

Immediately, Katherine is dared to get to a certain restaurant in a specific amount of time. Since she can’t drive, she calls David, who is already waiting outside her house as he’d intended on hanging out with her that night anyway. She quickly explains that she’s now playing nerve and she has to get to a specific place in less than ten minutes.

Even though David is arguing with her, he still takes her there, hoping she’ll bail before she even begins.

(Also, can i just take a minute to say that I love how teenagers are shown as horrible drivers in this movie because that’s entirely accurate).

When they arrive, it’s revealed on Katherine’s phone that her first dare is to kiss a stranger for five seconds.

Nervous, Katherine stalls. David says he’ll give her the hundred dollars her watchers promised her if she doesn’t do the dare, but she persists anyway, eventually settling on a guy reading her favorite book “To The Lighthouse”. She gives David her phone to record her and goes in, trying to make small talk about the book.

She finds the guy to be a bit flirty and incredibly hot but she’s still nervous as the guy asks her if anybody will make it to the lighthouse at the end of the book. She explains that the lighthouse is the thing each character wants most and then forces herself to kiss him, melting into it when the stranger kisses her back.

Sparks fly in their heads and David counts to five, calling out that it was over but the kiss lasts longer than that before Katherine remembers what she’s doing and breaks it, rushing over to David’s booth and hiding with him.

When she looks back, the guy is gone. She finds him again just after her phone goes off, alerting her that a hundred dollars had been wired to her account.

When she looks up, the stranger she made out with is standing on tables and singing the song playing. She quickly finds that the guy is actually singing to her and David points out someone recording the whole thing, noting that it must be a dare.

The guy is a great singer.

Introducing himself as Jack, the boy apologizes, not wanting to have embarrassed Katherine. She apologizes too and Jack says the watchers sent someone to give him that book and told him to wait in that booth. He explains the watchers must’ve planned for this to happen.

David immediately doesn’t like Jack and Jack picks up on that, going to leave before his phone buzzes at the same time as Katherine’s.

They dare Katherine to go to the city with Jack.

David warns her against it and Jack, who calls David Davey, asks if Kath always lets Davey tell her what to do.

Katherine gives in and goes to the city with Jack, finding that he drives a motorcycle.

Once there, Katherine goes to leave while Jack gets started on another dare, only to accept another dare and follow Jack into a pristine, high end store where she is forced to find a specific dress to try on. Once she finds it she changes on camera, barely making it before times up.

When she receives no further instruction, she leaves the dressing room, finding Jack in a very expensive looking suit. Quickly they begin to get more dares to try on clothes, leaving their dressing rooms.

David signs up to watch, finding it's a lot of money to be a watcher but he does it anyway, deciding to follow Katherine to the city as he’s worried for her safety and doesn’t trust Jack.

He sees that someone with the username @brooklynsown has stolen Kath and Jack’s clothes.

Katherine and Jack go back to change after their little adventure getting to know each other and having a good time to find that their clothes are gone. The watchers dare them to leave the store and Jack just says they have to, going to make a run for it but Katherine stops him saying that the dare technically only says they have to leave the store, not shoplift.

So Jack and Katherine run through the store in their underwear, Jack doing his best to stand in front of Katherine the whole time as they sneak around before finally just making a full on run for it.

When they get back to Jack’s bike they find that one of their watchers bought them the clothes they’d tried on.

Meanwhile, Rafaela is with Darcy and Coffee Bean working on her own dares that are more on the mediocre side but she still had tons of watchers voting her into the top ten. Coffee Bean is the one who tells Rafe that Katherine is playing the game and has a lot of followers. Race calls David to ask what’s going on and David tells her he doesn’t know, continuing on the hunt to find Katherine.

He gets another call from Joe who asks if someone might be hacking them as someone keeps depositing money into Katherine’s account. Davey assures him it’s not a hack as that usually means someone is taking money out of the accounts.

Back with Katherine and Jack, Katherine has got another dare, telling her to get a tattoo of Jack’s choosing. She accepts though she tells Jack her father would kill her.

Although Jack jokes about putting random, cliche things on the back of her shoulder he eventually draws something out and gives it to the artist telling her it’ll be a surprise and that she just has to trust him. Eventually she gives in. And when the pain from the needle gets to her, Jack turns on a song that she previously mentioned she liked and sings along to it with her to give her a little distraction. That’s when Katherine tells Jack about Lucy. She explains that Lucy was always the fun one and that she was about to be older than her older sister and that it wasn’t fair that she was still here and Lucy wasn’t before the tattoo artist announces he’s done and Katherine finds a small lighthouse on her back.

Jack tells her that he hopes she finds what she wants most.

David, who is still panicked about not finding Katherine, calls up his older sister Sarah, also known as HQ (Hacker Queen) and asks for a key to the dark web because he wants to find out more about Jack.

Back with Jack and Kath, Jack gets another dare. A dare to get his motorcycle up to 60 mph blindfolded. Katherine tells him he’s on his own but he begs her to help him out just as someone pulls up in a truck and hands Jack a bumper sticker, telling him that he’d see him in the finals. A guy with the username @brooklynsown.

Katherine asks him who that guy was and Jack lies, saying he doesn’t know. Must be just another player.

And he still begs Kath for help.

So she agrees.

This happens just as David is finding out a little bit more about Jack. That Jack has played Nerve before in Santa Fe. The bike he rides is stolen off of a dare. People are shocked he’s even playing again at all after what happened last year.

Jack puts the bumper sticker over his helmet and Katherine climbs on the bike behind him.

As they start their communication isn’t great but Jack tells her to lean and he’d follow her. This gets them part of the way until Katherine starts to lie to Jack about the lights being green because she knows that if Jack stops they won’t make it in under a minute.

Their watchers are waiting for them to pass by, trying to get good photo ops and rooting for them. All of Katherine’s friends are watching, terrified.

Eventually, after several close calls, Jack and Katherine make it, almost crashing into a building but just able to pull to a stop.

Katherine is so excited that she kisses Jack who kisses her back as their watchers film the whole thing.

They then go to get pizza as Jack claims he’s starving and she must be too.

Rafaela is horrified that Katherine is beating her and escapes into a back room at the party she’s at with her other friends, telling her watchers to give her better dares because she deserves to win. That’s when someone else sneaks into the room, introducing himself as Spot or @brooklynsown. He offers to team up with Rafe like Jack teamed up with Kath to win but she declines as Hot Shot intervenes, believing Spot to be dangerous.

Meanwhile, Joe is calling David again, asking what’s going on and David dodges all of his questions.

Jack and Katherine stumble across a carousel where they bond even more as Katherine asks Jack why he’s playing Nerve. He tells her that he’s trying to help out his family that some things happened that he wishes didn’t. And Katherine tells Jack more about her friends after Rafe calls her to try and make up with her and she hangs up, not realizing that her phone was still filming her as well as the watchers around them.

Jack tells Katherine that she’s no one sidekick as Kath seems to believe and that she’s truly amazing in his eyes. And then he suggests they go to the party Rafe is at to show off Kath’s new tattoo.

After a bit of convincing, Katherine agrees.

At that party, Rafaela is finally given a new dare, telling her to walk from one window to the next across a ladder. She attempts, even though she’s magnificently terrified of heights and eventually bails after dropping her phone from ten stories up.

When Jack and Katherine arrive after making out in the elevator, Katherine finds David is there and tries to talk to him before Coffee Bean tells her about what happened to Rafe. Katherine finds Rafe making out with Hot Shot in the back room and gets irritated.

This leads to an even bigger fight between them that Jack has to record as it is revealed by David it was a dare on him to get Katherine to that party to fight with Rafaela.

Katherine gets angry and is dared to finish Rafe’s dare which she does immediately and after that she confronts Jack to find out if it was all true. Jack tries to explain to her that he doesn’t have a choice but she doesn’t want to hear it, instead stating she was going to the cops.

Jack panics, trying to talk her out of it but she won’t listen to him.

After finding a cop on the street, Jack runs and Katherine’s father calls, telling her that all of the money from their accounts have been drained. Katherine is cut off when Spot jumps in front of her and apologizes, telling her that he has to win before knocking her out.

She wakes up in a storage container with the words “snitches get stitches” all over the thing. The computer in front of her tells her that she is now a prisoner of Nerve and that they control her family and her life. The only way out is to win the game. So Katherine breaks out of the container only to be met with a frantic Jack, asking if she’s alright. She tries to run from him but he stops her and she finally listens to him.

Jack explains that there’s a third category of the game. Prisoner. And that he’s one too. He explains that he played in Santa Fe the year before and he and Spot have played together as they were best friends. He tells her about their other friend, Kenny, who played with them and died falling from a construction crane that the watchers dared him to hang on. Jack says he tried to grab him but he wasn’t fast enough.

He then goes on to say that the watchers basically own him and his family because he and Spot had tried to go to the cops after Kenny died. They drained all of his family's bank accounts, they messed with his mother’s job, they raped his brother and leaked photos of him on the internet. They stole their identities. It was the watchers way of showing Jack that he belonged to them now. They were mad at him and Spot for snitching.

He admits that the watchers moved his family out to New York because they wanted to make him do more dangerous stunts the next time he played.

Katherine is horrified by this but Jack says he got by, that he and Spot, while against each other, had promised each other that they’d look out for the others family once one of them won.

But now, Jack makes it his mission to get Katherine to win. She says she can't, but he insists that he’s gonna make his watchers give him a dare to knock Spot out of the finals so that it’ll be them and he’d let her win.

Jack takes Katherine to a parking garage where she’s able to call Davey and Rafaela who rush to get to her immediately, guilty about that fallout that had occurred before. As they’re driving in, they see Jack driving out on his bike. They know something’s up.

Katherine asks for their help. So Rafaela makes a call before David takes Rafe to the cloud to meet his sister.

The Hacker Queen.

Jack is dared to climb up to the top of a building and hang from a construction crane with one hand for five seconds. He manages to do it, thinking about how no one would be able to get Race and Medda out of the mess he’d gotten them in if he died. He pulls himself back up to safety (because the dude’s ripped, honestly) and then goes to the meeting place set out for him.

Davey and Sarah begin to hack into the servers of the game, trying to shut it down only to be interrupted by a panicked Joe who can’t find his daughter. David invites him to meet him at the cloud so he can explain and Joe agrees.

Katherine is told to get on a ferry where she is given a “ticket” into the finals box. It’s a gun.

She’s let into the box where Jack is waiting for her. He goes to rush to her but the watchers stop them both by giving them other directions instead, saying that the first to shoot the other wins.

Joe gets to the cloud just in time to watch and Sarah is losing control of the servers.

Jack tells Katherine to shoot him in the shoulder. That he’d be fine. Katherine tries to argue but time is running out. Jack tells her to just do it and she tries but stops herself at the last second, shooting the ground instead.

Jack tries to talk to her again but someone else starts shooting into the air.

It’s Spot.

He says that he’ll do it.

Jack rushes to protect Kath as Spot makes his way down to the middle of the box. The watchers are excited by this but Katherine screams at them telling them that they are responsible for what happens next and Spot just asks them if they want him to shoot her.

Pulitzer is horrified and Rafaela tries to calm him down as the votes come in.

The watchers vote yes.

Jack tries to jump in front of her but Katherine falls and he screams for her just as Joe does as well as all of her friends watching.

That’s when Sarah and David launch the program they set up, sending every watcher a massage that says “you are an accessory to murder” as their anonymous name turns into their real name.

People immediately start to shut down their accounts until Spot is the only one still recording.

When he steps closer to Katherine and Jack, who’s holding onto her for dear life, begging her to wake up, Jack grabs Katherine’s gun and goes to shoot but Katherine shoots up and stops him, telling him that she’s okay.

Joe let’s out a relieved scream as Jack starts crying.

Spot reveals that Rafe called him and Katherine made the whole plan up. He was shooting blanks and she had fake blood. He tells Jack that Kath’s a badass and he better keep her.

Jack takes Katherine back to the carousel to tell her more about himself, now that was free before taking her back to her father and friends. He tells her that his name is really Francis Sullivan and if one good thing came out of this it was his changed name. Then he proceeds to ask her out on a proper date.

He takes her back to her father and Joe thanks him for protecting her before threatening him like any good father would.

And then Jack goes home to Mama Medda and Race who immediately hug him and cry with him because they’re free again.

Katherine does go to college in California and Jack and her maintain a long distance relationship. Jack goes to see her anytime he can and she eventually meets his family who adores her immediately. Rafaela and her stay good friends and Jack eventually gets closer with Davey. Jack also reconnects with Spot and rekindles their friendship.

And they all live happily ever after.

I love this AU.

Thanks for asking! Let me know if you want to see more of this one!

And for more Mood Boards and AUs, click here!

[peeterparkr]

clear|16|t.h.

Chapter 16: The Lighthouse.

pairing: surfer!tom x reader

word count: 4.4k

warnings: angst, fluff, cancer mention, anxiety, swearing maybe

summary: side-effects may include. 

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a/n: hi, thanks for reading this, this goes for the 3 people who still put up with my shit, thank you, and please please for the love of god please comment and reblog haha i NEED to know what you guys think

It’s weird, sometimes we see a person and we are willing to have them break our hearts, we know that it’s impossible to get out of their claws without getting hurt. But sometimes, we are willing to sacrifice ourselves only to feel a story, only to treasure the good times, for a dream. A broken heart can be turned into a beautiful work of art. 

Y/N was aware of that, if she turned her feelings into art everything would suddenly become pretty. Even if it doesn’t last. Was she sacrificing herself for that? She was willing to. She wanted to have everything with Tom. He was a dream come true in every possible way. She was dragging him out to the beach with her hand not leaving his, as she lead the way to a place where both of them could be alone just to stare at each other. She had decided to give it a go, to give life a chance to let herself fall in love. 

She knew that this was probably going to go wrong, but as soon as they were standing on the sand, with their fingers intertwining and their heartbeats synchronized, she realized it didn’t matter. 

“Why did you wake me up so early—y/n?” 

“Shh!” She kissed his lips to shut him up. “I wanted you to see this!” 

She pointed at the sky, still full of stars, as if the universe had delicately and precisely placed each star for them, creating a whole story, a work of heart, of art. 

“The stars,” Tom looked at them with confusion.

“Promise me this, every time we are apart you will look at them, we will be looking at them at the same time,” she said. 

“You’re assuming we will be apart,” Tom frowned. “But I will. I’ll think of you.”

She smiled as she sat down on the sand, then laid down. 

“Let’s count them,” she whispered as he sat beside her. “I feel like they’re shining for us.” 

“They are,” Tom smiled, pulling her close. 

“They’re the beginning, I like looking at them, they make me think about everything, about how we could heal, it’s silly but I still wish upon the stars.” 

There are times in which one needs to understand we don’t want to face situations but we have to. Life goes on challenging us with problems which we sometimes don’t have enough intelligence or maturity to solve. They’re sacrifices we have to take and debts to pay. We can’t live certainly, we don’t know if whatever is happening will lead us to what we want but we know it certainly leads us to where we need. 

She was never a firm believer of that, most of the time she believed that life wasn’t but her already made decisions leading her to a broken destiny that was waiting for her. However, seeing her reflection on Tom’s eyes she realized that something had to lead her to him. Whatever it had been, she knew it, it was as if his arms needed to be around her, as if they were destined only to hold her and only her, as if his hands had been made just to fit hers, as if his dry lips were only meant to kiss hers. As if she was supposed to heal them.

They had danced and they had kissed and they had forgotten about everything. She had, at least. Now she just wanted to enjoy the time with him. She had let her bare skin warm his, and his soft lips to tattoo her body. But she hadn’t slept, she couldn’t, she had kept all night looking at him, memorizing him, intoxicating herself with his scent. 

He was like a road trip, like the ones she used to love, a new adventure with music in the background. Where there’d be stops for ice cream and stops to see the view, the beautiful view, with thunderstorms and cold nights. 

But she feared the road trip would come to an end without a destination. And she had been reading about it, and writing about it, and painting about it. It just was too much to handle for her. 

She had talked to Jared. Jared had explained many things that she didn’t understand about Tom. And they were a lot that she would never understand. 

But she had listened to him, and she realized why exactly she was there. Because Tom needed someone as blue as him. She needed someone as broken as her. Looking at the stars gave her hope, as if a shooting star would change everything. She had woken him up and taken him out and there they were now, holding hands, covered only by the blankets they had brought with each other and the excuse of a t-shirt she had. 

She listened, to the ocean echoing, to the crickets singing and to Tom’s breathing. Colourful, blue. Calm and stormy. 

And she was waiting for the blue to change because eventually, it would. She stopped looking at him and looked beyond the sea, the dark blue sky was still above them, the moon was falling into his eyelashes, and the wind was curling upon his hair.

“I’ve never been up this early,” Tom said. 

“I do, I like watching the sunrise, gives me hope.” 

“Hope.” 

“Yes, and you should, too, each sunrise is a beautiful memory, a beautiful painting the sky offers us for free,” she explained. 

“You’re mental, y/n,” he laughed. 

“That would explain why I’m in love with you,” she said. “Bonkers.” 

“Crazy.” 

They stayed quiet again, leaving the moon to fade, waiting for the day to begin. She wondered if she could ask for a wish, because she knew exactly what she’d wish. For this to never stop, to be this simple, to listen to his breathing, harmonizing with the ocean. To be able to wake up someday in a nice porch where she’d be painting the sunrise that would eventually show up, where he’d probably join her with a cup of coffee, and he’d wrap his arms around her to kiss her cheek. He would sweep her off her feet to make her laugh and then they could dance to the fade music, to the old songs that once made her fall in love. 

Big dreams. 

But not even the sun had come out yet, they were still in the darkness. And she feared a lot of stuff, because the moon made his features shine, every single one of them. She saw his weakness. And she feared that the sun would never come out for them. 

“What would you wish?” She asked him. “If you knew that the stars could grant you one wish?” 

Tom bit his lip. “I don’t want to sound selfish.” 

“You won’t.” 

“For everyone to be right,” he said. “For the medicine to work, for me to have a second chance. A miracle.” He gulped. “Everything is so difficult, you know? Nobody really puts themselves in my shoes, I guess nobody really understands it, to know what it feels like dying.” 

She reached for his hand. 

“And to see you watching me die, I guess it’s even worse, to feel like it’s on me,” he continued. 

“It’s not.” 

“But it feels like, because—a part of me just thinks about this and you guys don’t deserve it, and sometimes it sounds too selfish but I don’t either, I don’t deserve this.” 

“You don’t.”

“But I don’t matter, not for me, at least, I know that, because if this is happening to me it’s hurting you, it’s hurting everyone around me.” 

“You’re more concerned about the people around you than you are for yourself, Tom,” she pointed out. 

“It’s a side-effect,” he said. “Of having cancer, I guess.” 

“We’ve never really talked about this,” she whispered. And she hadn’t been ready to listen to him sentencing those words. 

“Because we both know where it can lead,” he said. “And I’d rather much be kissing you than crying over my pathetic self.” 

“A very attractive pathetic self,” She nudged him. 

“You see, that’s why I like you, you didn’t see me as a side-effect, you didn’t see me as someone who had to be prized only because I’m dying.” 

She had to take a deep breath to listen to his words. But he was right, she guessed that even if they didn’t address the matter, he was still falling, he was still fading. 

“I’m just sure that you’re here for a reason, y/n,” he smiled slightly, “because even if I’m dying I’m sure I’m feeling alive again.” 

She looked away, to stare at the sea. “And I’m not feeling blue anymore.” 

“I guess I didn’t tell you because I felt like I didn’t have to, you know? I felt like if I didn’t tell you then it wasn’t real.” 

“I understand.” 

“People don’t really see it, that I have to wake up every day and see it and go ‘thanks I’m alive’, even if I didn’t want to thank anyone, I have to, and every day is a miracle, you know? And for everyone around me is a miracle, I see it, every day they’re watching the way they speak, the way they all smile at me..” 

“Except Jared,” she said. “He keeps treating you like shit.” 

“Because I asked him to,” Tom said. 

“To feel alive?” 

“Normal,” Tom admitted. “To feel normal, to keep being Tom. And even Jared doesn’t treat me like he did before.” 

“He cares for you,” she said. “You are his best friend.”

Tom shrugged. “You know why they keep helping me?” 

Y/n shook her head. 

“Because his mom was once me, and then, she was gone,” Tom said. 

“I thought she was in town,” y/n frowned. 

“In essence, she is,” Tom sighed. “It’s complicated, it’s the anniversary.” Tom shook his head. “He doesn’t care for me.”

“He does, or at least he cares for your family,” she explained. “He sees how you make everyone happy, you help him, Tom.” 

Tom gulped as the moonlight only reflected the tears about to come out, he looked at the stars. 

“It’s a side-effect,” he explained. “Everyone around you realizes it at some point and they’re all selfish enough to not want you to let go.” 

“That’s not a bad thing,” she repproached. 

“Guess it’s not, but I see it, I see them crying, I see them fearing, and sometimes it hurts even more than the bruises,” Tom said. “A side effect.” 

Y/n didn’t quite understand what he meant. 

 “I’d wish to be normal,” he looked away. 

She shrugged. “You are.” 

“You say that, yet we both know it’s not true, because I probably have 5 missed calls from my mother, and I have to take my meds in an hour, we know I’m not normal because you’re looking at me with that look of yours, worried, we both know we’re not normal because you brought a blanket just for me and you’re constantly touching my hand to make sure it’s warm.” 

Y/N stayed quiet, he was right. 

“We both know I’m not normal, everyone does, and I know that’s why you’re trying to show me the sunrise, because we don’t know how many sunrises I have left,” he said as she looked down. “But you are right, maybe it’ll give me hope, maybe each star we see will tell me that it’ll get better. And I thank you because you remind me that I’m not normal, yet you’re here trying to love me as if I was.” 

“You’re not your cancer, Tom,” she said. She wasn’t sure if he really meant his words, it seemed as if he was only telling her that only to satisfy her. 

“I know, but I’m not Tom either,” he popped. “You didn’t know me without it. Because that’s another side-effect, one which they don’t tell you at the doctor, you lose yourself.” 

“Are you sure?” She questioned him. “Because as long as I remember you’re a completely different person now than before I knew about it. You haven’t completely lost yourself, you just have to dig in enough.”  

Tom frowned. 

“You acted differently when we first met,” she pushed. “You’re a whole different person as if me knowing you’re dying actually kills you.” 

Tom frowned. “It--doesn’t. It’s the side-effects, the side-effects that come with it.”

“Think about it, Tommy, before you realized I knew about- the cancer-you were like any other boy trying to get laid, you were like any other summer romance, you’d be joking around all day, you’d be trying to be the most amazing boy to ever make me fall in love with, then after you realized I knew… you turned into a- kind of- an asshole, really, kicking me out of your place and everything.” 

Tom didn’t answer this time, he bit his lip. 

“You know I’m right,” she nudged him. “It’s alright, you freaked out, but I think you’re still all that, you’re still my summer fling, you’re still the guy with the curly brown hair, you’re the surfer and you’re that perfect smile of yours,” she grinned. “You’re all of that, in your own way, you are Tom. Sure, you might be fading away, but we all are, in our own way. And I’m not saying all of this to make you feel better, I mean it. You are truly a work of art, Tom Holland.” 

She debated whether or not to kiss him, but she didn’t, she just dedicated a glance at him before turning back to the ocean. 

“What would you wish?” He asked her, trying to change the subject. 

To never have to know another kiss, she thought. 

“To seize the moment,” she answered. “This moment.” 

He kissed her palm. 

“I’d never thought I’d be awake for the sunrise,” he admitted. “I never was someone to care for that.” 

“Yet everything splendid between us has happened in the early morning, with the moon covering us,” she pointed out. “Almost in time for the sunrise.” 

“But we always went to sleep, or our separate ways,” he chuckled.  

“Guess that’s a sign.”

He chuckled. “You’re so poetic.” 

“I fell in love with a poem, I’ve gotta live up to him,” she winked. Tom chuckled. 

“I wish you saw it,” he bit his lip looking at her, with wonder in his eyes. “I wish you saw everything I see in you, you’d realize then, the masterpiece you truly are” 

“And I’m the poetic one,” she laughed. Tom leaned over, and she felt his skin cold again. 

“The sunrise reminds us it’s another day, Tom,” she whispered. 

“I guess it is,” he said. “It’s weird how all of a sudden I had to value everything, yet it seems that you’ve always liked to enjoy the small things, from the first day I met you you would stop to smell the flowers, you’d reach out from the window to look at the clouds,” Tom described. “Always looking one last time at the ocean before you leave.”

“That’s what happens when you’re alone, you start to look at everything else,” she cleared her throat. “You start to see the beauty in the big world surrounding you.”

“Tell me about before,” he asked. “Tell me how it felt.” 

“To be alone?” She wondered as she let out a laugh. “Lonely.”  

Tom stayed quiet expecting her to elaborate. 

“I guess,” she shifted her position. “There’s a difference, at first I was alone, and I thought I could handle it all by myself, you know, me against the world? I don’t need anyone and then--I realized that nobody needed me, you know? Because you’re alone because you want to be, you’re lonely because you have no choice.” 

It was Tom’s turn to not know what to do. 

“Coffee tasted bitter, the paint wouldn’t colour anything, my hands would always be cold, and there was nothing to do about it,” she shrugged.

“My hands are cold, sometimes, too,” he nudged her. 

“Your hands are always cold.” 

He stared at her and gave her a slight smile. 

“But now I don’t feel lonely,” she spoke again.”and--okay, I have to thank you a lot for it, but I guess part of me realized that suddenly I have a choice again.” 

Tom smiled, his fingers playing with hers. “We should watch the sunset once, too, but really watch it.” 

“We have,” she chuckled. 

“No, not from the prettiest place here,” he argued. 

“And where is that?” 

“The lighthouse,” he chuckled, looking down. “Never taken anyone there.” 

“Am I the lucky one?” 

“We’ll see.” 

Until then, they kissed again. As if they had been dying to connect with each other. There was something in the air. There were no regrets. Kissing to the sound of the ocean, letting their hair be covered with sand and letting the moon bathe them. 

They had no time, they knew it. They had the summer sure, but the word “ending” crippled through their minds. They wouldn’t address it, but the fear was present. 

But they went back inside and fully dressed, they stayed on the porch waiting for the sun to paint them some hope, the warmth covered them. That gave them both time to think. But y/n wasn’t exactly sure what was roaming around Tom’s mind. 

“You should open your art gallery,” he said, as the sun was painting the sky pink.

“Hm?” 

“You told me, that if you could follow your dream you’d open your art gallery,” he said. “You have enough paintings this summer to open one,” Tom grinned. “We could take a few pictures, too.” 

“That would be nice.” 

“I mean it.” 

“So do I.” 

As soon as the sun was up, they went back to the basement where she took out the old paintbrushes. She took out the orange, the reds and yellows and Tom and her started to joke around and laugh and let the sunrise they had seen to cover the blue, he helped her paint , it was a mess. Just like them. He’d raise her to paint the highest place of the walls and they were all covered in paint. 

Suddenly it was good, it was fine. Suddenly the rest of their day was good again, they were eating ice cream, running through the beach, kissing, laughing, swinging on the old tire-swing outside Tom’s place. They’d play hide and seek, she drove him to the workshop where she’d say goodbye with a kiss. She started to plan out the gallery, with sketches here and there. They’d go swimming afterwards, he’d teach her how to surf, she’d paint him and they’d both end up those beside a fire, singing to Tom’s guitar and to the harmony of the ocean, with the moon hugging them.  

They took the seashells out and started tracing figures with them, the sun, the moon, their hearts. Whatever they would come up with, they had seashells to spare and the blue marks on the sand were creating a beautiful passage. And they took pictures of it as if her dream was the only sudden worry they had. 

Between kisses and laughs, they were living their dream. It was something extraordinary. 

Their fantasy wasn’t near an end, it couldn’t be. 

Friday morning came and Tom had arrived extra early to help y/n bake a cake for Joanne’s birthday. Y/n had not baked in a while and tom wasn’t exactly the best at it, but they were trying. Full of flour and sugar they ended up giving up and decided to make waffles instead. Harrison arrived, too. 

“Happy birthday to you!” They sang to Joanne. And y/n was reminded of her past. To the birthday parties when they were children and they’d laugh all night without worrying about tomorrow, without worrying about a boy.

And she suddenly felt as if Tom had been there for past birthdays because even if this was the very first time with them, he felt so familiar, so comfy. As if he had always been there, and she knew she wouldn’t want him away.

Haz had bought Joanne a present, a small bracelet and while he was handing it to her, Tom made a slight eye-contact with y/n. 

Y/n had to pause, taking in his sight. She had already memorized those crinkles by his eyes, or the way his hair would be messed up in just the slightest way. But it didn’t matter, she had to keep watching him, because he had transformed into an association, with a good day or a good smell. He was now one of the reasons she could finally say: “I’m happy again”. 

And she would keep that to herself because god forbid she’d ever say a man made her happy. But it was more than dating him, it was his sunlight, it was his smile and the way that he was also struggling. He was the air she needed when she was about to have her last breath. And he was so different, he owned the ocean, and he owned the skies but he was giving them out to her. It didn’t make any sense, at all. 

Joanne had gotten her back into reality, snapping her back from her trance, saying her goodbyes and running outside to Haz’s car. Her and Harrison were gonna go on a small road trip for her birthday. Nothing too far, just to another town near them. Joanne has said that it was beautiful. 

Honestly, it was just a beach nearby with small cottages that had lightbulbs hanging in the streets. But it was alright, y/n guessed. 

She didn’t have to go to know that her surroundings were beautiful. Besides, she needed to get emotionally ready for the party they’d have the next day. That and mentally prepare for Joanne to come at night to tell her everything. 

She had said goodbye with just one last kiss to Tom before focusing on her stuff, he had to go to his job and she had to paint. She was still trying to understand what exactly she was going to show in that gallery. She had opened up her MacBook and started to scribble. 

She was supposed to look out for a place where she could host it, a nice place to have her art gallery, she had promised that to Tom, instead, she started searching for the hospitals in London. Where was he supposed to go. 

She googled his cancer, she googled his stage and his symptoms, she googled every single detail, and each time she was typing and as she started reading and getting deeper and deeper into the subject, she was freaking out. She couldn’t stop reading, the words were just staining her, as if they were needles painfully poking her. 

And then she knew it.

She was going to lose him. She realized it then, he was right. She wouldn't treat him the same way. Because she was losing him, he was slowly fading out, like an old candle. 

And it started to revolve around her head. Reality hit, and it hit her hard. She couldn’t sleep that night, she didn’t answer his texts and she had pretended to have a headache to not listen to Joanne. 

The next day wasn’t any different, her mind would roam around the fact that she was going to lose him. And not only that, she realized just then, he meant everything to her. It’s stupid, it was stupid, nonsense. But he was just a boy, a boy who wanted to be normal, a boy who wished to be more than medicine, who wanted to be normal. And she’d have to be normal for him, she’d make his wish come true. She needed to be his remedy, she needed to heal him. But how was she supposed to do it? All her brain was going through now were white cells and blood cells. She needed to take care of him, she needed to get him to London. The world was so cruel, and she was a fuel. What was she supposed to do? There was no way to carry on now that she knew more about it. 

Could she face it again? Could she? 

“Y/n,” her sister had thrown a pillow at her, concerned. “You okay?” 

Y/n had looked up, slightly as she watched Joanne walk out of their shared bathroom as she was straightening her hair. The party would start in a few hours, meaning Joanne had barely any time to choose her outfit since it took her at least 3 hours.

“Sure,” y/n said the magical word that would get her out of any inconvenient conversation she didn’t want to have. 

Joanne stopped and dedicated her a cold stare, as if she had seen a ghost. Joanne gulped and looked around. “Uh, get dressed, Haz’s picking us up in about 2 hours.” 

“Oh, uh, Tom and I will meet up before the party, we said we would watch the sunset,” she lied with such ease. “I’ll get dressed and I’ll see you there, alright?” 

Joanne watched her sceptically but gave in. 

Y/n dressed with whatever and left. She needed to run away from her thoughts. Without even knowing her route, she ended up at the Lighthouse. She couldn’t breathe. It was Matty all over again, but this time she was aware it would happen. 

Because she hadn’t really believed it, she hadn’t really addressed it, as if she thought that by just loving him he would heal. But it didn’t work that way, no matter how much she loved him, no matter how many times she tried to heal him with kisses: Tom would be gone, Tom would be gone without her even knowing when. What’s more painful? Too sudden or too expected? 

The air was cold, something unexpected on a warm summer day. She had gone blind. And she felt as if the wind was making too much noise as soon as she was getting out of her jeep to touch the lighthouse near the water, near the rocks. Tom was calling her. She couldn’t answer. She threw her cellphone into the car and she kept walking.  

She was drowning again, she felt the water suffocating her. Tom wasn’t there to save her now, nobody was around, and there was no water, just the one splashing from the waves. She wasn’t ready. She would never be. 

And the sun was about to set, and she feared that it would set on them too, she didn’t want it to end. And she was watching it alone, she was alone again. And she feared she’d never get to watch a sunset with him. He had been right, it looked pretty. 

She was aware of it now, it was the side effect he had meant. And it was the worst side-effect that she didn’t even need to face yet: she was alone, watching a sunset by the lighthouse. 

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[paprikadevil45]

Happily ever after..? (DD AU - chapter 1)

The sun shined bright down on beach city & little homeworld as four beings laid relaxed under it’s comforting heat, first was Garnet a permafusion of two completely different gems who together made a strong leader and good friend, than there was Amethyst a quartz soldier who unlike the others wasn’t as big or strong but still made up in her own way, after that was Pearl a strong independent gem who fought to be her own person instead of some fancy servant, and finally there was Steven Universe, a half gem half human hybrid who now after saving the galaxy is ready for some relaxation. “I want things to stay exactly like this and never change” Steven said “agreed” Pearl nodded “here here” Amethyst continued “how’s the future look Garnet? Do we all stay just like this forever?” The fusion shifted her visor in response, shortly after her smile quickly faltered and was replaced by a look of concern “No!” puzzled Steven asked why but before he could utter a word a gust of wind blew wildly causing a bit of surprise for him, he got up looking towards the object that was casting the large shadow over the hill looking up he saw a strange injector looking object looming over most of beach city and pointed straight at the hill. Suddenly a silhouette jumped up into his point of view “HEY!” the stranger demanded “are you by any chance Steven Universe?” Steven continued to stand there confused before finally responding “um....yes?” He answered “Excellent” the strange gem said as her fingers twisted among one another appearing to form some kind of horn which she proceeded to blow into loudly, suddenly a pointed drill and legs formed from the bottom of the ship “Move!” Garnet cried ushering the gems to get out of the way of the strange injector, the legs of the ship gripped the sides of the hill before thrusting down upon it the ground rumbling violently as it dug into the ground “Hey! Nice parking job, dingus!” Amethyst yelled out. The gem on top who had been watching the whole time came down landing on the bottom of the strange ship, it was here that Steven was able to get a good look at the stranger, the gem wore a strange dark maroon top which was accompanied by a pointy bow and pointy shoulder pad it was here he noticed that she wasn’t just a gem but a fusion too, she had two pairs of arms, the ones on top had folded up gloves while the ones on the bottom had much more longer gloves on, below that was a pair of poofy shorts and sharp pointed shoes on her back was a cape of sorts and her hair was shaped almost like that of a crescent, the two gems that had apparently made this fusion were a glossy oval shaped one which was located on her naval and the other was inverted heart shaped gem that had multiple facets, he knew the one on below was definitely a pearl but he wasn’t sure what the heart shaped one was. The gem looked up making eye contact with the four gems, her left eye was obscured by hair but the other had a look of utter hatred below it was a wide smile wicked in form so much so it sent a bit of a shiver down Steven’s spine, “well well well well well!” The gem snapped between sadistic giggling “lemme get a lot at this little menagerie, we have here!” Stretching one of her hands and eye into a creepy telescope “obviously your Amethyst” the stranger said looking at the purple gem “which I’m guessing would make you Garnet” saying the same for the fusion “and OOHH!! Would you just look at this” the gem said excitingly as it’s telescope of an eye circled around Pearl “you must be that pearl i’ve heard sooo much about” she said getting a close look at her before the fusion stretched her eye and hand back, “well it’s always good to know that it doesn’t take much to replace me“ the stranger snarled between her teeth “uh..um..d-do...do i know you....?” Pearl stutter out nervously “hmph! Of course she never told you about me” the gem angrily responded “all you need to know is that my name is Cuprite and I plan on an putting end to you, your friends, and this waste of a colony planet ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!!” Cuprite yelled “Woah! woah! woah!” Steven stammered running up “there’s no need to do something this extreme” Steven went on “you said that your name was Cuprite right? Well Cuprite in case you haven’t heard I’ve established peace across the-“ “yeah yeah yeah i’ve heard” Cuprite stated loudly interrupting Steven “I saw your little message and i made sure to listen to every. little. DETAIL!!!” Cuprite shouted kicking Steven so hard in the face he fell backwards. The gems summoned their weapons. Amethyst’s pulled out her whip, Pearl her trident, and Garnet’s gauntlets as they braced themselves for battle “and i just love that part near the end” Cuprite said “where Pink diamond just leaves homeworld to spend the rest of her PATHETIC life on this nowhere hunk rock, with a bunch of NOBODIES” Cuprite shouted before hitting ground in semi graceful manner using her stretchy abilities she started singing a something electroswing-like song, but accurately and half-smoothely nonetheless, and just as she deftly followed the melody, she perfectly dodged from every attack from Crystal Gems, Pearl and Amethyst tried to double team her but the fusion dodged both of them as she pulled out a weapon from the gem on her naval it appear to have been a electrical whip of sorts which glowed a threatening pink color as she tangled up both Amethyst and Pearl in her weapon and proceeding to swing them around without fail, it was here that Garnet tried to sneak attack Cuprite but as soon as she got close WHAM! something clocked Garnet right in the jaw it was so sudden not even her future vision could see it in time after hitting the ground in a crumpled heap she looked up to see what hit her the twisted fusion holding another weapon, a large hammer that just like her whip was colored in that threatening pink. After a while of Amethyst and Pearl getting dizzy she released them from her whip in the same direction Garnet went as they landed onto her with full force, Steven tried to help his friends anyway he could but was thrown one curve ball after another, he didn’t understand what was happening “what was she singing about?” “why was she so angry?” “Who is that heart shaped gem and what is she doing with some pearl?” Steven was so confused in his thoughts he wasn’t paying attention to the situation “she’s running circles around us!” Garnet grumbled catching Steven’s attention “i’m rusty give me a break” Amethyst groaned, annoyed because of the situation they we’re in “They seem so familiar, yet I don’t remember where i’ve seen them” Pearl said shakily “You've known each other?” Steven asked “Can you at least tell us who she is?" Unfortunately, their strange guest had good some pretty good hearing because as soon as she herd what Steven said a furious look appeared on her face. Cuprite started screaming from the lighthouse’s roof, surprised by his total ignorance like if it hurt her badly, her voice cracking here and there as she continued to rant, like she was on edge of hysterics. After she was done ranting her mood changed back to her usual twisted personality, she pulled out both her whip and hammer from her two gems she twirled them around for bit until she finally slammed the two weapons together combining into something entirely different, the end result was a long scythe like weapon once her true weapon was out the gem began extending her body all around the Injector ship and the lighthouse stretching her body to a tremendous degree, Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl charged towards her as the pink Gem begin unwinding her body. All Steven could do at that moment was watch in horror as his friends were swiftly cut in half by the weapon their forms dissipating as their gems hit the ground with a clinking noise. “That enough!” Steven getting out his shield “aw what’s the matter Steven?” The fusion cooed “miss your toys already, well don’t worry. YOUR RIGHT BEHIND EM!!!” she screamed jumping up and striking down on Steven with her weapon, the attack went right through his shield and slashing him as the pink glowing circuitry spread around his body briefly, until he successfully shaked it off. He looks at his body, seeing that nothing is happening to him, “hahahaha that was nothing” Steven said confidentially. “Hehehe, than i guess you won’t mind if i do it AGAIN!!!!” The fusion cried slashing Steven again, and again, and again, and again, and again with the scythe all the while laughing wickedly, finally Steven was able to catch the weapon stopping her in her tracks “CUT IT OUT!!!” Steven shouted now tussling with the deranged gem “you don't poof very often, do you? Hmm, figured as much JUST WAIT!” Cuprite threatened as her pupils jiggled like googly eyes in her sockets “your human half won't stand a chance against my Injector, not after what I just did to your gem~!” she concluded. Steven was getting confused by this “What are you talking about!?” Steven demanded “You weren't always a powerful hero, were you?” Cuprite answered before letting out one last maniacal laugh, as Steven wrestles control of the weapon and swings it at Cuprite slicing her form in half and poofing her instantly, tired Steven collapses on his knees and shakes off the pink circuitry going through his body, before setting down the weapon and reaching for one of the gems that were left “better bubble you before anything else happens” Steven said bubbling the heart shaped gem, suddenly the bubble popped leaving Steven confused “what?” Steven questioned, he tried to poof the pearl instead but was sadly meet with the same results “where’s my bubble?” Steven stated concern growing in his voice, Steven grabbed the heart shaped gem in his hands so he could better concentrate “come on” a bubble slowly began forming around the gem before popping, as Steven collapses panting heavily feeling more exhausted than anything, confused he lifted up his shirt to see if there was anything wrong with his gem, upon looking he saw a concerning light flickering like a lightbulb in his gem which was rather worrying “what’s going on?”

To be continued....

[herrball]

Written by anonymous:

It hurts

To know that I won’t hear from you

Or see your beautiful soul

I wish to hold you

In my arms, while the stars sing to the moon

While the sound of our hearts, echo like a reminder to never let go

For this feeling is indescribable

And not experienced by many

But it found us, in the divine of the universe

I hope you’ll see your worth,

If you could see it through my eyes,

You wouldn’t believe what you witness

I just want the best for you,

To let you grow and live to the fullest.

The world is watching, let them.

You’ll show them the good in this life,

Like you’ve shown me.

You are my light house,

so far but your light shining through my darkness.

You won’t lose me, never.

But I have to let you go, off into the unknown.

For you to mend unfinished healing,

From the scars buried deep inside you.

Call upon my name when you are falling,

For I’ll be there with outstretched arms.

If space is what you request,

Know I’ll be waiting on the other side.

In hopes you will guide me back to shore.

Because without you, life alone is like sailing a never ending stream of my broken heart.

Don’t leave me alone for too long,

For I shall get lost again in the darkness

That has always surrounded me.

But this time,

I don’t think I’ll recover.

I am growing weary of this life,

My strength is thin.

The dark will greet me again,

With a sympathetic smile and

An outstretched hand.

I don’t want to be lost,

For you are my home.

But until then,

Take my heart for I shall not need it,

When it’s better off with you.

I’m tired my love,

Don’t forget me.

For I will never forget you.

My lighthouse in the dark.

[patricksilvrrozartistry]

Current Music Obsessions: June 15 - 30, 2017

Sorry for being so late with this one. I was busy all week last week and didn't have enough time to post the final list for June. I have A LOT of stuff this session since I purged through my watch later playlist, but a shorter list should be coming next month. So let's begin with the honorable mentions.

The Oblivion - New Messiah Cinnamun Beloved - So Far Vandroya - You'll Know My Name The Project Hate MCMXCIX - Reign Ravenia - Creators of the Apocalypse Amethys - Miss Fairy Lullaby Walk in Darkness - Alexandria The Haunting - No One Saves Us but Ourselves Skuggsjá - Vitkispá NeraNature - Ego Death Frou Frou - Must Be Dreaming Mother Mooch - Hive Mind Fairy Bones - No One Can Suffer Like I Can Real Life - Send Me an Angel The White Swan - The White 8th Floor - ผลสุดท้าย [DreamBreaker] Iced Earth - Clear the Way (December 13, 1862) All but One - Persistence Rings of Saturn - Inadequate Zuberoa Aznarez - Uraren Abestia Silent Descent - Vortex feat. Bjorn Strid Cyclocosmia - Seasons in the Abyss (Slayer cover) Dust in Mind - I'm Different Rise Against - Make it Stop (September's Children) Trigger - Dead Sun Royal Blood - Lights Out Kandia - Alone Chelsea Wolfe - 16 Psyche Manntra - Lanterne Face Off - Massive Make Them Suffer - Fireworks A Midnight Grace - Deceit Walk in Darkness - Eternal River Flow Need - Rememory Xandria - When the Walls Came Down (Heartache was Born)

Now for the many obsessions.

1) Devil in Dorian - Don't Waste My Time

This song definitely caught me by surprise. I don't normally like songs like this, but I kept finding myself listening to it, jamming and having it stuck in my head. It's like a blend of punk and classic style heavy metal. Great song to jam out to.

2) Beneath My Sins - My Rules

This is a symphonic metal band I've known about for a minute now. They were originally called Evolvent, but now go by Beneath My Sins. This song is so good. The choirs and synths are so good and truly what make this song as epic as it is.

3) Voluspaa - Av Sin Klokskap

I came across this band while on the Metal Archives one day trying to see if Catherine of Mortal Love had been featured in anything in recent years. She's only in backing vocals on this track, but nonetheless, this song is epic. I'm so picky about folk metal bands since so many sound so similar to one another, but this one is looking to be one that I'll love.

4) Lovelorn Dolls - Mother of the Universe feat. Helen Vogt (ex-Flowing Tears, Lighthouse in Darkness)

I came across this song while seeing if Helen was featured in anything since the end of Flowing Tears (which is how I learned about Lighthouse in Darkness) and found out she was featured on one of Lovelorn Dolls' releases. I've known of this band for a minute, but haven't really dabbled that much into them, yet every song I've heard from them are absolutely amazing. This song is no exception. Definitely check it out.

5) Adagio - Darkness Machine

I discovered this band through ProgPower USA's Facebook page and I am in love with this track. Progressive power metal with a tinge of djent. This track is so epic. I'm surprised at how much I enjoy the singer (I'm not usually a fan of singers like him). I'm definitely going to look more into this band, because this song is the tits.

6) Psyborg Corp. - Interdimensional Hyperdrive

I finally got around to listening to Psyborg Corp.'s debut album after knowing about it since its release many years ago. If you are a fan of industrial/harsh EBM, definitely give these guys a listen. This song is amazing to listen to when wanting to chill, but is also very danceable.

7) Aperion - U

I discovered this band a few years ago, but just decided to look more into them. I came across this music video and fell in love. It's so good, dramatic and theatrical. If you're into symphonic metal bands that have more of theatrical sound, definitely give these guys a listen.

8) Hallatar - Mirrors

This is a doom metal project created to honor the life of Aleah Stanbridge (Trees of Eternity) and the songs are composed of poems and other writings of hers. The vibe and sound this song has took me by surprise, because Aleah was known for doing ambient music; this is pure gothic doom metal. It's so haunting and broody. Definitely give it a listen.

9) Qveen Herby - Gucci

Karmin got a face lift and are now Qveen Herby, which has more of a hip-hop/R&B vibe to it than the original stuff from the Karmin era. I kept finding myself singing the chorus to this great jam almost every day. "You should buy it for me. Bury me in Gucci." So simple, but so catchy and great. Definitely am gonna listen to full release.

10) Alina Lesnki - How Soon is Now feat. Agordas (The Smiths cover)

I've talked about Alina and her covers many times before, but this one has to be my favorite one she's done in a while. Such a great tune and still captures the essence of the original, while still having Alina's own symphonic metal flare to it. And don't get me started on the harmonies. The harmonies are EVERYTHING.

11) Karkaos - Kolossos feat. Morgan Lander (Kittie)

I discovered this band one day when scrolling through my main tumblr and decided to give them a listen. I immediately became hooked on this song. I don't know how to describe it. It's a bit metalcore, symphonic, deathish, but it's all around some extreme proggy goodness and I need to hear more from them.

12) Little Mix - Power feat. Stormzy

I would've never thought to listen to this group on my own, but when I found out that Willam, Alaska and Courtney were featured in the video, I had to check it out. I actually fell in love with the song. It's just so fun and empowering. A great summer jam.

13) Dear Apollo - Closure

For fans of Look Right Penny, you will be happy to know that the singer is in a new project that has a similar vibe to LRP, it's just a bit more proggy. This song is so simple, but it leaves such a huge impact and is so catchy. Can't wait to hear more from them.

14) Silentium - Hangman's Lullaby

This was one of those random YouTube finds that turn out to be absolutely wonderful. This gothic metal band has definitely gotten my attention with how absolutely gorgeous this song is. Reminds me of the stuff you would hear from Norwegian gothic/gothic doom metal bands from the 90's (which is my favorite style of gothic metal). Definitely am gonna listen to more from them.

15) Selene - This Life

I recently discovered this band not too long ago. They're your standard symphonic metal band, but this song stands out so much compared to the few other songs I've heard from them. It's a ballad track and is so soft and pretty. A beautiful song to chill to.

16) Nox - Signed in Blood feat. Helena Michaelsen (Imperia)

I got bored one day and decided to see if Helena was ever featured in another band and came across this band. They're not really my cup of tea, but this track is so good. I think part of it has to do with Helena's bits in it. She just demands your attention in this song and hits some pretty impressive high notes. If you're into blackened death metal, this is a pretty good band to check out.

17) Mortad - Hollow Tomorrow

I discovered this band one day when checking out a playlist centered around women in extreme metal bands and/or bands with female screamers/growlers. This song is a beautiful ballbuster. I never thought I would ever describe a track like that. So much energy and the chorus is so lovely. Definitely will check out more from them.

18) Ionnalee - Not Human

This is the second single from this project and I am in love with it. It's so lovely, catchy and fun to jam out to. Between this and Samaritan, this has to be my favorite. Partly because of the instrumentals, but also because of how beautiful the chorus is. Definitely check this track out if you're into ambient/experimental pop music.

19) Clouds - In the Ocean of My Tears feat. Natalie Koskinen

This is a doom metal band that I discovered one day while checking out Luna Obscura's Facebook page. Their front woman, Gogo, is going to be featured on their upcoming release, so I thought I'd check out a few of their songs. This is the second song by them I've heard and I absolutely love it. So haunting, broody and melancholy.

20) Biffy Clyro - Many of Horror (When We Collide)

I discovered this song through Melanie Murphy's Insta Story one day. It's so lovely and pleasant. Such a beautiful song to just chill out to. It's so simple, but leaves such a huge impact because of how it was executed.

21) Circus of Fools - Another World Within

Here's another random YouTube discovery that turned out to be absolutely amazing. This is a melodic gothic metal band that has a symphonic element to them. The video is so cool and slightly creepy (the outfits and filters give it a slightly unsettling atmosphere) and suits the song really well. Definitely will check out more from them.

22) Xandria - A Theater of Dimensions feat. Henning Basse (MaYaN)

HO. LY. TITS. Never in my wildest dreams would I ever imagine that Xandria would produce such a chaotic and proggy song like this. Theater of Dimensions is an excellent album, but this song is the best one off it and probably their best song to date. So much raw emotion and power. They definitely explored Dianne's vocal talents completely with this album and entirely with this song. So theatrical, campy and emotive. DEFINITELY give this song a listen!

That is it for the month of June! Like I mentioned above, shorter lists should be returning for the next month. I'm also thinking that I'll bring a smaller version of this series back to my YouTube channel when I return from my hiatus next month, so look forward to seeing the return of CMO videos!

[sociologicallyinsignificant]

The morning comes as it does so often––wrapped in bunches of pale yellow velvet clutched to the sky’s still breast, and with a tired train of blue fabric trailing behind. A pitcher of syrup sits at the breakfast table. I am in Johnson Vermont, living for the month of April with 40 other artists. I learn that it takes 30-50 gallons of sap for 1 gallon of Vermont maple syrup. I pour it into my bowl of oatmeal, and add milk and brown sugar. Sweet oatmeal makes me think of my father. The milk poured in, of you. How the small can of evaporated milk sat in the fridge of our childhood until cold mornings, when you would whip the porridge with the wooden spoon and then pour the cream in. On the colder mornings, you told us to stay warm under the blankets while you laid our clothes for the day over the heater. It is a cold morning today, when Jenn, Stacia, Katie and I drive thirty minutes to the neighboring town of Stowe for second breakfast. We eat pancakes with raspberries and drink real coffee. The fields are blanketed by both late winter and early spring. A conversation between ice and grass, snow and mud. The earth, like it always has, is in the place of figuring shit out. We pass a house where in the driveway someone has sculpted a 50 ft tall obelisk out of the snow. It rises from the ground like frozen thunder, moving between ice white and foam blue. We stop and take pictures. I share them online, with the outside world. The water of that world is far from here. The sea, its storms, and all the creatures lurking under its surface. We return from second breakfast just in time for lunch. As I grab a plate and a chair at a large table with my fellow residents, someone smiles and it looks like the smile of a girl in Oregon I once loved. She curls a ribbon through my head. My heart is a harp played by sunlight. Over lunch I joke with Sallah,, telling her it takes 80 gallons of maple sap for 1 gallon of Vermont sweatpants. Sallah jokes back: It takes 19 Vermont green beans to make 1 apple tree. Sallah has seven girls and one son. She sets fire to clay figures and reminds me of you. The April that I am nine, you and me we go to the same park where 24 years later my wife and I are wed. You help me put the worm on the hook in the same way your uncles showed you. You show me how to cast the line and wait not for the first tug but the repeated pull from below. I catch two catfish and bring them home. We put them in the fridge. They swim in the bucket, the belly of one is split open and his entrails circle out as he swims. Dead animals we eat, or put back into the earth. Dying animals I do not know what to do with. So I close the refrigerator door and leave them in the cold dark to swim on their own. Eventually they die anyway. Under the dining hall here, flows a river. The river here is largely ice. But every day it breaks bits of its frozen body into pieces, sending tiny icebergs south. It is too obvious a metaphor to hold up to the light. But the beauty of this world and the metaphor, is that neither truly exists in the other. It all just is. In winter, the water freezes. In spring, it is kissed by the sun. I tell myself again: My heart is a harp. Played loud. By the quiet sunlight. I think of my wife. Leaving me. To empty a house of our belongings on my own and driving to Goodwill the clothes she left behind. Leaving me to sink under reddening waves. There are large fish at the bottom of the dark water. The monsters here, they know my name. I have been here before. Because of this I am trying to fight for the surface. But I am scared. So I stay at the bottom, unsure whether to rise or die or kill. Here at the bottom I watch the ice form above me. Mother. The summer night I return home to Oregon from Texas, my heart felt like something out of a movie––walking down the street to get a slice of pizza, and calling you just to tell you I met a girl. And how I ain’t never done that before––calling you to tell you this. Have almost always been afraid of what color my heart was, what songs it might sing in the key of another’s name, and who might hear that music. But for the first time in life, all of me moved without fear, all of me starlight unafraid, all of me beholding my brightness on a platter offering itself up into whatever future the universe was laying out for me. When we marry two years later, it is a hundred feet from where my father asked you to marry him. The summer morning after we are married is the quietest my breast has ever known. I am the leaves in May. It is Sunday and no one on the street but me and my new bride. We walk out our room on Magazine street, hearts wet with one another, and buy a toothbrush and toothpaste at the corner gas station. We stand over a sewage drain in front of the most expensive restaurant in town and take turns brushing our teeth together for the first time as wife and husband. The autumn night she decides she isn't ever coming back home, my body is a piano with no strings, attempting to wail but only making splinters. I eat barbecue with my closest friends and cry in their arms. I stare at a wedding present hanging on the wall, take our dog for a walk, and think about driving to the gulf, what my body might taste like in its mouth. The morning that comes is the first of many bright and dangerous ones. The autumn morning I call from a hotel room to tell you that I am scared I will kill myself on one of these days is a fire in my head. But I am trying to unlearn the fish in the fridge. To pull out the creatures in me I would rather bury in the dark. To not be afraid of who sees my colors or hears my music, no matter what shade or what note they may be coming from. So I say out loud to you that death is an ocean, and I am not wading into it, but I can see it from where I stand, can taste its salt in the air, and I am scared of how close the sound of it crashes. How quickly fear returns to the place that birthed it. You tell me how long ago, before any of us were born, before you had met my father, when you were younger than me, you were in the same place. How lost and forgotten in the world you came to be––swallowed by the big fish, cut out of the monster's belly, you floated to the top, fought your way back to dry land, stepped out of the water, and sat feeling the sun in the sky, clutching the bunches of your soft and tender self to your feathering breast, how close you came to letting the tired train of life trail its way out of you. Before dinner, for fifteen minutes I paint my heart smooth. I lay beautiful colors next to beautiful colors, in a manner of how the sky and the sea speak to one another, with no measurement of lines, and try to remember a year is not a year. It is only the seasons repeating their passage into one another. Tomorrow will be snow. And then rain. And then sun, unbuttoning the river’s winter coat. By this week's end the river will be completely unfrozen. The water will crest off the rocks like a great dance. This is not a metaphor. This is what happens. After dinner, eleven of us gather downstairs in the lounge with popcorn and watch a movie from our childhood. I can hear someone walking hard across the heavens in heavy boots. The water some mornings, is warm and light on my ankles. Some mornings it is red and up to my neck. But sitting sitting in it right now, I know it is nice to be human in the company of other humans while laughing. There are not many nicer things than this. After the movie I lay under my sheets with the lights out. The wind blows so strong, that the windows rattle like a roof. I feel the whole earth shake like a ship. Such a deep low creaking outside this little but still room. Its stillness is a prayer walking up the stairs. It sounds like the inside of a lighthouse, without the sea. Much like this stillness, I came through you in the late night. Touched my first morning against your chest. All the beasts in the streets brightly burning the clouds with their orange flanks. We are moving beneath their beautiful bellies, not yet swimming inside them. So many creatures of the deep purposing themselves to swallow so many of us. whole or in pieces, as we so often, quietly are taken. I am scared, but I am more scared of being quiet, so I tell myself that they also are maybe scared. Maybe even, not even monsters, just fish. So until I can sit with you beside the southern waters, take this Mother, as I too promise to take it: the sun birthing itself above us like it did then, as it does every morning––clutching bunches of pale yellow velvet to its still breast. Let us watch the fish come to the surface to nibble at the day, just the same as us. Let us learn when to pull them up. When to pull the hook out. When to let them go.

Anis Mojgani “The Fish” featured in Winter Tangerine’s issue illuminating the realities of mental illness, Reshaping the Bell Jar

[mialbowy-blog]

When She Sang The World Sparkled

Whining from the old bus's engine grew to an all-encompassing groan, and the level of the chatter rose to meet it, leaving no room for the twittering of birds or the caress of the wind as it breezed past the ear. Phones buzzed and pinged and crackled out distorted music, filling out the room left amongst the high notes. Truly, the sounds of life had crescendoed, and would hopefully quiet down soon. How anyone could even think over the racket escaped me.

My gaze drifted in search of something peaceful to distract my grouchy thoughts. Not much luck to be had in the city though, just houses lining the streets. Turning around to look at the view behind would have been troublesome, even if the hill afforded a good sight. Of course, inside the bus proved no better; animated discussions with unnatural enthusiasm for so early in the morning, and a general sense of chaotic happiness, came from the university students. Perhaps they inhabited a world without deadlines and word counts.

I didn't continue that train of thought, unhappy with myself for blaming others on my own foul mood. If I'd done the work at a proper pace, I wouldn't have had to stay up so late and overslept and forgotten my book at home. At the least, I would've caught the usual bus, which had half the people and a quarter the noise.

No one to blame, I kept reminding myself, letting my eyes wander.

And then, I saw her. Why it took so long, I didn't know. Headphones—a cute little bow tied on by her one ear—set her apart from the world. I wondered if she could even hear whatever she listened to, but concluded she must, because she swayed to a gentle beat. The angle between us awkward, I couldn't really see her face, however it looked like the corner of her mouth smiled.

More than all of that though, she appeared to glow. Blonde hair shimmered in the light, and white shirt caught the amber sun, and pale skin glittered, surrounding her with an aura that varied between white and gold.

As though an angel had graced us with her presence.

I didn't want to be caught staring, but she wouldn't stop being in my peripheral vision, a lighthouse amongst the stormy world. The word serene came to mind, how she looked reading her book. It created a discord inside me, as I became stuck between wanting the cacophony to end and wishing to watch her a little longer.

Once at the end of the line, the bus shuddered to a halt, half-toppling some oblivious students who relied on the bus' general likeness to a tin of sardines to remain upright. I needed to rush to get to the lecture on time, knowing that I wouldn't dare enter late—and skipping even one, without good reason, definitely the start down a troublingly easy path.

Yet, I waited for the masses to shuffle their way out. Only after they emptied did I stand up and take a step forward, and then touched her shoulder. If she had been visiting from heaven, she felt real enough, and warm.

“We're at the campus,” I said, realising too late that she wouldn't have heard.

She closed her book, and looked at me with the smile I had guessed. I became more sure that she may be divine.

“Thank you,” she said, with a soft tone and loud voice. It made me want to laugh, her volume messed up by the headphones. Maybe my humour showed, because she frowned a touch, cute wrinkles forming at the bridge of her nose.

Not wanting to sour the moment or the memory, I tried to smile as warmly as she had, and continued down the aisle. Though I hadn't dragged my heels, she had caught up by the time I exited, and the gentle clack of her shoes followed me along the path.

I entertained the thought that she was doing so on purpose, and any moment we would begin a romcom-like argument as she asked me what had been so funny. Then, I returned to reality, where that interaction had meant nothing. Something that would be forgotten by the end of the day, if not the hour.

Without a destination in mind, I absent-mindedly went along the familiar route to the small lake—really more of a large pond—that I enjoyed for its tranquillity. Far from the bustle of students, nary a noise could be heard there. Crickets and ducks and the odd fish were all that took away from the wind. Even so much as a hum could surely be heard from across the other side, so quiet the place.

And, I realised, the clacking I'd grown used to continued behind me, and, as I surely thought, humming came through clearly amongst the near-silence.

Rather than a nuisance, I found the melody beautiful. Perhaps, I thought, she had meant to taunt me who dared mock her. If her intentions were so, she had rather failed. Coming to my preferred bench, I once more found myself pained over whether or not to stop and risk losing her. I knew to sit, though, to keep my buoyed mood from floating away to the skies.

To my unexpected disappointment, she continued onwards, walking closer towards the water's edge. While the weather had been pleasant, I tended to avoid the grass. In the morning at least, wettened by dew, it required careful navigation, lest the slope offer a sacrifice to the fish. She appeared to find no problems with traction, her feet moving with grace, her body moving with that same, gentle sway. The sun must have done its work well and dried the ground.

While self-conscious about watching, no one else around and her own engagement with the book in her hands tempered that reluctance. So, I did, as she danced to a little further away.

I'd thought she wore a shirt, but actually a summer dress. Given its length, gown fitted better in my mind, coming down to her ankles. She lowered herself to the floor, and the dress pooled around her, covering her legs entirely. Her attention hadn't left her reading at any point either, and squinting to make out the front, I realised it to be a music book of some sort. That would explain why she hadn't noticed the bus stopping, being so involved in her listening, I thought.

The wind picked up, whipping her hair and, as I looked up, bringing dark clouds. I'd not brought an umbrella, the skies having looked so clear. Then again, given my rush, I may have forgotten one even if it had been raining as I left.

That made me wonder if she would be okay, since she may not even have noticed a sudden downpour. Well, I couldn't say that, knowing nothing about her. Still, I did worry, and, as much as the nightmare of her thinking me a stalker seemed a possibility, I decided to wait. After all, there was no way the clouds would decide to break in the moment they spent above us.

I sighed, wishing for better thoughts to plague me. Then again, given I was skipping the lecture, keeping my thoughts on topics less likely to bring up anxiety was probably the better choice.

Then, her lips parted, drawing my attention, and notes left her—more beautiful than her humming, than the way she looked on the bus.

The sweetest music to my ears.

Not to be outdone, a drizzle started, plump raindrops splattering on the grass. As I'd expected, she showed no signs of reacting. Glad for it, her singing remained unaffected.

A trick of the sun no doubt, she appeared to glow once more. The rain did too, drops of gold falling from high above. Sparkling, glittering, shimmering, and that was just her. Must have been the sunlight. The angle between us perfect so she caught it all—an entire star reflecting back at me. A star, before me. The wind sent her hair fluttering behind her, giving her a trail like a shooting star. So bright, and beautiful, in sight and sound.

Must have been a moment of coincidences, that gave a fleeting vision of beauty which went beyond any I had ever seen.

So then why, why didn't she look any less so when the rain stopped, and the sun hid behind the clouds, and her singing ended?

Why did my heart race when she looked over at me, and smiled softly?

Why did I have to fall in love so unexpectedly?

Written in response to the image 記憶ノ雫, Drop of Memory by 防人 Prompt suggested here

[peeterparkr]

clear|teaser|16

Chapter 16: The Lighthouse.

pairing: surfer!tom x reader

word count: 1k

warnings: angst and fluff (?)

summary: a piece of your heart. 

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full chapter coming wednesday 10pm CDT

a/n: hi i’m back with my shit sorry i didn’t post disney had my soul and i didn’t have time to write, please tell me what you think i’m desperate bc i haven’t written in a while and i’m kinda anxious 

-

It’s weird, sometimes we see a person and we are willing to have them break our hearts, we know that it’s impossible to get out of their claws without getting hurt. But sometimes, we are willing to sacrifice ourselves only to feel a story, only to treasure the good times, for a dream. A broken heart can be turned into a beautiful work of art. 

Y/N was aware of that, if she turned her feelings into art everything would suddenly become pretty. Even if it doesn’t last. Was she sacrificing herself for that? She was willing to. She wanted to have everything with Tom. He was a dream come true in every possible way. She was dragging him out to the beach with her hand not leaving his, as she lead the way to a place where both of them could be alone just to stare at each other. She had decided to give it a go, to give life a chance to let herself fall in love. 

She knew that this was probably going to go wrong, but as soon as they were standing on the sand, with their fingers intertwining and their heartbeats synchronized, she realized it didn’t matter. 

“Why did you wake me up so early—y/n?” 

“Shh!” She kissed his lips to shut him up. “I wanted you to see this!” 

She pointed at the sky, still full of stars, as if the universe had delicately and precisely each star for them, creating a whole story, a work of heart, of art. 

“The stars,” Tom looked at them. 

“Promise me this, every time we are apart you will look at them, we will be looking at them at the same time,” she said. 

“You’re assuming we will be apart,” Tom frowned. “But I will. I’ll think of you.”

She smiled as she sat down on the sand, then laid down. 

“Let’s count them,” she whispered as he sat beside her. “I feel like they’re shining for us.” 

“They are,” Tom smiled, pulling her close. 

“They’re the beginning, I like looking at them, they make me think about everything, about how we could heal, it’s silly but I still wish upon the stars.” 

There are times in which one needs to understand we don’t want to face situations but we have to. Life goes on challenging us with problems which we sometimes don’t have enough intelligence or maturity to solve. They’re sacrifices we have to take and debts to pay. We can’t live certainly, we don’t know if whatever is happening will lead us to what we want but we know it certainly leads us to where we need. 

She was never a firm believer of that, most of the time she believed that life wasn’t but her made decisions leading her to a broken destiny that was waiting for her. However, seeing her reflection on Tom’s eyes she realized that something had to lead her to him. Whatever it had been, she knew it, it was as if his arms needed to be around her, as if they were destined only to hold her and only her, as if his hands had been made just to fit hers, as if his dry lips were only meant to kiss hers. As if she was supposed to heal them.

They had danced and they had kissed and they had forgotten about everything. She had, at least. Now she just wanted to enjoy the time with him. She had let her bare skin warm his, and his soft lips to tattoo her body. But she hadn’t slept, she couldn’t, she had kept all night looking at him, memorizing him, intoxicating herself with his scent. 

He was like a road trip, like the ones she used to love, a new adventure with music in the background.Where there’d be stops for ice cream and stops to see the view, the beautiful view, with thunderstorms and cold nights. 

But she feared the road trip would come to an end without a destination. And she had been reading about it, and writing about it, and painting about it. It just was too much to handle for her. 

She had talked to Jared. Jared had explained many things that she didn’t understand about Tom. And they were a lot that she would never understand. 

But she had listened to him, and she realized why exactly she was there. Because Tom needed someone as blue as him. She needed someone as broken as her. Looking at the stars gave her hope, as if a shooting star would change everything. She had woken him up and taken him out and there they were now, holding hands, covered only by the blankets they had brought with each other and the excuse of a t-shirt she had. 

She listened, to the ocean echoing, to the crickets singing and to Tom’s breathing. Colourful, blue. Calm and stormy. 

And she was waiting for the blue to change because eventually, it would. She stopped looking at him and looked beyond the sea, the dark blue sky was still above them, the moon was falling into his eyelashes, and the wind was curling upon his hair.

“I’ve never been up this early,” Tom said. 

“I do, I like watching the sunrise, gives me hope.” 

“Hope.” 

“Yes, and you should, too, each sunrise is a beautiful memory, a beautiful painting the sky offers us for free,” she explained. 

“You’re mental, y/n,” he laughed. 

“That would explain why I’m in love with you,” she said. “Bonkers.” 

“Crazy.” 

FULL CHAPTER COMING WEDNESDAY 21ST 10PM CDT

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