#Which means I'm doing both jobs everyday this week

[b-rainlet]

Fellas, officially noping out of TimDami week

[rogersideup]

｡°✩ ♊︎ The Gemini ♊︎ ✩ °｡

Chapter 3

Expendable

Series Masterlist

Previous part: wine and dine next part: pink peonies

Word Count 5,333

Warnings: My blog is 18+ only. All minors or blogs without an age in bio will be blocked. Minors DNI. Mentions and descriptions of sexual acts.

Standing in front of a human shaped dummy in the private training room, Steve was showing you all the best ways to direct an attack to assure your opponent goes down, and stays down.

After your mission and injury, Steve was out for a few days on a business trip the same day that you were medically cleared to get back to work. So, it had been a while since the last time you trained together.

You both decided it was a good idea to just take it easy and review what you already know as a means of studying for your final evaluation coming up.

Every agent had to take a final evaluation upon completing every single training course shield had to offer. It was a big deal, and though nobody had any doubts that you were ready for it, it could never hurt to review and improve.

"Knock knock, bitches." Bucky announced, causing both of you to stop.

"Hey, Bucky boy" You greeted him.

"What's going on, Buck?" Steve questioned.

"I dunno, I'm bored." He shrugged. "Can I just sit and watch?"

"Don't you have work to do?" You asked with a giggle.

"I finished!" He defended himself. "You two get to spend so much time without me, it's only fair I get to insert myself here whenever I want to."

"You act like this is personal and not us doing our jobs" Steve raised an eyebrow at him.

"That's a technicality I'm choosing to ignore." Bucky sat on the ground with his back against the wall.

Steve looked at you to make sure it was okay that he sat and watched, but he caught something he wished he hadn't. Just for a split second, you narrowed your eyes at Bucky, and he gave you a very subtle nod back.

He realized that it very well could've been nothing, but it definitely seemed like it was something.

Though Steve didn't bring it up at all, he made mental note of it. He was confident in his deep knowledge of both of his friend's behavior, and he was choosing to trust his gut on that observation.

The rest of your time together, Bucky sat and watched quietly, only occasionally responding to conversations that would break out that weren't work related. Towards the end, Steve wanted to confirm some scheduling, so he cut the physical work a few minutes early.

He sat on the bench with you as you pulled a sweatshirt over your head, and your everyday sneakers onto your feet.

"Okay, so, your final evaluation is one week from today." Steve noted. "So this week will be really simple, we can keep doing this, just reviewing what we've already been over. But our training together is still supposed to run until the end of the month so we have three extra weeks together."

"What am I supposed to do when this ends?! I'll be so bored without you!" You exclaimed.

Steve chuckled. "You should be happy that you survived my course!"

"I mean I am, but then what?"

"Maybe another Avenger will take you under their wing." Steve shrugged.

"I can only think of one Avenger with wings" you noted.

"What do you want to cover in the three weeks together after your evaluation?" He asked.

Your lips formed into a pout. "I know what it should be, but I don't wanna do it"

"Restraints?" Steve questioned sympathetically.

"Restraints... I guess." You grumbled.

Every fighter had a weak spot. Just one thing that made their stomachs turn and their hearts race, something that really scared them regardless of mental work or preparation. Some people couldn't handle heights, didn't do very well when they saw blood, and really freaked out over handling certain weapons.

You just happened to be terrified of being restrained, which unfortunately was a very plausible situation to find yourself in as an agent. There was no reason why you were terrified of it, nothing happened in your life to make you fear it as much as you did. But the thought of having your hands or legs tied made you feel claustrophobic in a way you couldn't even describe using words.

"It'll be scary at first, but we'll work on it" Steve reassured. "Wouldn't you rather learn how to get out of any sort of restraint with someone you trust then find yourself in a situation where you're tied up at the hands of an enemy with no way out?"

"Logically yes, but in reality I would like neither of those things to happen." You responded with a twinge of sarcasm.

Steve laughed, "okay well, I wouldn't like that to happen to you either! But once you learn how to escape from a bunch of different scenarios, you won't be scared of it anymore. Knowledge is power!"

"I know you didn't just knowledge is power me, you loser!" You joked with a snort.

"Oh I certainly did, and I'll do it again." He stated with a smile. "Confidently!"

"Okay, I guess I trust you enough to teach me." You committed to the endeavor.

"Good job, pushing yourself is how you grow better as a fighter." Steve praised your bravery. "We'll start with the easiest and work our way up to the hardest, then you'll be such a pro at it that nothing could ever hold you back."

"Yeah, yeah." You playfully rolled your eyes.

"Then after our training together is officially over, I'm going to block off my schedule these same two hours every day to just cry." Steve put a hand over his heart.

"Can you do that to my schedule too? Maybe we can cry together?"

"I'll see what I can do." Steve agreed, before opening his arms up for a hug. You happily hugged him back. "Good job today! You're going to do great on your assessment no matter who is assigned to asses you. We all know it."

"Thanks for teaching me!" You smiled. "In all seriousness, I've really enjoyed getting to learn from you. Thanks for all the time you've put onto me."

"Anytime, Bug. I've been enjoying it just as much." Then Steve turned to include Bucky in their conversation. "What are you guys up to for the rest of the day?"

"Nothing, well, I think that's pretty obvious considering I'm just sitting here" Bucky shrugged. "Do you guys want to hang out? Maybe we can walk to that cool park a few blocks from here? Watch the sunset and get some fresh air?"

"That sounds good to me." Steve agreed. "Buggy, you in?"

Both boys watched as you stood up and slipped your gym back onto your shoulder. "As fun as that sounds, I can't. You know Agent 563? We made plans to have an early dinner together so I have to get ready to leave here soon."

"Booooo, buzz kill!" Bucky announced dramatically.

"That doesn't mean you can't go on a cute little sunset date with your boyfriend without me, Bucky." You smiled at him. "By all means, you boys have fun."

"I think that's great." Steve told you, ignoring the boyfriend comment. "563 is a great agent, and I think it's important that you girls stick together.

"Lord knows we need some time away from the amount of testosterone in this place." You agreed.

“Even me?" Bucky pouted.

"Even you." You smiled at him, approaching him for a hug that you had to bend over pretty far to get. "And Steve. I love you both, but I need to interact with other people than just you two!"

"Hey! I only talk to you and Steve and I'm doing just fine" Bucky defended himself.

"What about Natasha?" Steve wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at him.

"Don't bring up Natas-" Bucky started passionately

"I'm leaving!" You announced before an argument broke out. "Love you boys! Have fun on your date! I hope you hold hands and kiss each other's foreheads!"

Steve and Bucky stared at each other as you walked out of the room. The door closed behind you, and your foot steps faded until completely inaudible to either of their heightened ears.

"Why are you actually here, Buck?" Steve asked.

"You're in love with her." He claimed deadpan.

Steve's heart sank, but controlled himself the best he could as to not bluff. "Why would you say that?"

"I figured it out last night." Bucky admitted. "I was trying to sleep but my brain wouldn't turn off. I was thinking about the dynamic of our little friend group and it hit me like a train. I had to come confirm it with my own eyes."

Steve puffed out a performative chuckle and put his hands on his hips. "You understand how crazy that sounds, right?"

"Is it though?" Bucky raised an eyebrow while standing up from his spot on the floor. "I never noticed it until today. Your eyes physically twinkle when you look at her. Your cheeks have been pink since I got here, and you never stopped smiling until she left the room. Encouraging, sweet, considerate..."

"It's my job to be encouraging towards her, Buck. I'm her boss." Steve huffed, feeling annoyed and attacked by this conversation.

"Why won't you admit it?" He asked.

Steve stopped in place and noted Bucky's furrowed brows. "Wait, why do you seem so upset about this?"

"I'm not upset." Bucky denied, shaking his head. "But if you're actually pining after her, Punk..."

"What?" Steve's heart was pounding.

"Do you like her?" Bucky asked one more time, his tone was nothing but serious. His face was stone cold.

"I'm her boss." Steve slumped. "There's a power imbalance, I can't break her trust."

"And if she joins the Avengers?" His head tilted.

"She just got out of a relationship."

"It's already been a month since then." Bucky insisted. "Steve, this is between me, you, and the grave. I'm serious."

Steve threw his head back with a groan. It had been a while since he had seen Bucky this worked up about anything, so he knew it was important. But getting the admission to slip past his tongue felt morally wrong and partially impossible.

"Steve."

"Yes." He said simply, staring up at the ceiling.

"How long?"

"How long what?" Steve sighed.

"How long have you had feelings for her?"

"Since the day I met her..." Steve mumbled.

"Oh my-"Bucky rubbed his face with his hand before running his hand through his hair. "You hid it too well."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Steve froze up as his mind ran laps around Bucky's behavior. He already knew what was coming before he could admit to it.

"You're going to hate us, but I need to tell you something..." Bucky said apologetically.

Meanwhile, you were having a fantastic time with Agent 563, Clara. Though the two of you were friendly around the compound, you never had the chance to actually sit and have a long conversation with her before. Both of you getting the chance to vent about the workplace environment and culture to someone who actually understood what it was like to experience it in the unique way you did was refreshing to say the least.

After dinner neither of you were ready to end the conversation there, so you grabbed ice cream on the way back, and walked the whole way home together. At a certain point, work was a topic long forgotten as you two bonded over other similar interests like movies, hobbies, family, you two even shared the same love for video games.

By the time you made it back to your apartment, there was a smile on your face and a lightness to your heart you hadn't felt in a while. It was obvious that work was making you feel heavy and alone for a while, but you didn't realize how bad it actually was until you got away from it.

That smile was wiped off your face when you opened the door to Steve sitting on your couch with a stiffness in his body and an anger on his face you had never seen before.

"Hey, are you alright?" You immediately asked as his head snapped over to you the second the door opened.

Alarm bells were instantly ringing. Your heart dropped into your stomach, and raced with a speed you didn't quite know was possible.

You had given Steve and Bucky a key to your place just like you had keys to theirs, but the three of you typically hung out at Steve's place. Either of them coming to your apartment was a rare occurrence, and them ever using your key was even more rare.

Steve watched you kick off your shoes and hang up your purse, he felt so many emotions all at once that he couldn't even begin to get the words out.

You hesitantly approached, he still didn't answer. "What's wrong?"

"Why didn't you tell me?" Steve questioned. His tone very obviously gave away his state of emotion, it only made you feel more anxious.

You had a suspicion what this was about, but number one rule as an agent was to never incriminate yourself. "Tell you what?"

"Don't do that with me." Steve denied. "Bucky already told me. I don't understand why you guys would do that and keep it from me."

Your posture slumped knowing that this reaction was exactly why you and Bucky decided to keep a dirty little secret from Steve. So you sat down on an armchair next to the couch he sat on so you could explain.

But, he didn't even give you a chance to defend yourself before he spoke again. "Did either of you even consider how hooking up with each other would affect me?"

"Hey now, let's get some facts straight." You didn't let him go any further. "I feel like the term hooking up is giving what we did way more credit than what it was worth, and yes, we did consider you, which is why we both agreed we weren't going to tell you."

"Great, thank you so much for the consideration. That makes me feel really secure in my friendships with both of you!" Steve said sarcastically, feeling betrayed and admittedly heartbroken beyond words.

"Wait" You shook your head. "I know that sounds bad, but you have to understand that we all have different morals and personal opinions when it comes to sex and we knew you wouldn't understand."

"What is there to not understand?" He questioned. "You two had sex with no regard to how it would effect our friendships with each other."

"First of all, it wasn't sex, there was no penetration." You corrected. "Second of all, we didn't think it would effect our friendships because that's all we are to each other."

"I don't care about the details or what actually went down between you. Had either of you told me you liked each other from the get go it wouldn't have been a problem. I would've been happy for you two." He grumbled.

"We don't like each other." You denied. "We were just at the right place at the right time, things moved fast, and that's that. There's no romance happening, nothing to make social group weird. We all know Bucky likes Natasha."

"Well it's weird now." Steve glared at you.

"What do you want me to do now? It already happened, I can't go back and change it." You noted. "Want me to suck your dick too and call it even?"

"This isn't funny and I really don't appreciate that comment." He scoffed.

"It wasn't weird for you until Bucky opened his mouth, huh?" You asked him. "Was it weird for you two weeks ago when it actually happened?"

"I don't care." He swallowed thickly.

Feeling quite taken back by his behavior, and a little more that a little annoyed that Bucky spilled the beans, your attitude came out. "I'm a grown woman capable of making grown choices, and I don't owe you an explanation of what I choose to do with my body, Steve."

"No, you don't." He agreed, but you made him snap. "But I'm feeling betrayed and disrespected by the two of you, and that, I do feel like I'm owed an explanation for."

"Are you mad at Bucky too?" You snapped right back. "Huh? Did you yell at him?"

"He told me the truth." Steve rationalized.

"Yeah, well I never lied to you." You pointed out. "And why did Bucky feel the need to tell you what we did privately? Huh? Do you feel like I'm allowed to feel betrayed and disrespected for him going against our word?"

"I'm not here to tell you how to feel. I'm here to try and rationalize any of the choices we're making right now." He raised his voice. "My friends are the only family I have, and I refuse to lose a friend I've already lost many times before over a stupid choice."

Just with that one sentence, he broke your heart. "And that right there, is exactly why I thought it was okay in the first place." You growled as all of your self defenses came rushing in to protect you from the words you always knew to be true but never wanted to admit.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm expendable to you and Bucky. I always have been." You stood up from your spot next to him. "You say you're upset because you didn't want to ruin the dynamic of the friend group but guess what? The dynamic has always been you and Bucky hanging out and me just kind've being there. You'll always choose each other, and everyone will always choose someone else over me."

"That's not true." Steve denied. Although he was seeing red with anger, your words made him sad for you.

"I'm never anyone's first choice, Steve. You'll always choose Bucky, Bucky will always choose you. My sister will choose her husband, Harvey will always choose literally anything but me. Nobody else here is willing to be my friend because it's like social suicide, and I had to completely isolate myself from my normal civilian friends for this job." You explained. "I'm the best agent so I get used and abused and harassed out of the pack, but if I become an avenger I'll be singled out as the worst one. You and Bucky claimed you'd always have my back but now I know that's not true."

"Stop saying that." Steve shook his head.

"Nobody wants me." You spat, Steve could tell you believed that to be true.

It shattered his already broken heart, because if you had even the slightest clue of how bad he wanted you, you'd never say those words again. But he couldn't tell you, it simply wasn't an option.

"Nobody wants me ever but that night, Bucky wanted me. So forgive me for latching onto any ounce of human connection I can get these days. That choice was never about you, and I'm sorry that it hurt your feelings but I'm struggling more than I ever have and right now I need to put me first."

"Bucky and I have always loved having you around."

"That might be true, but you proved my point with your own mouth." A single tear fell down your cheek, but you wiped it away just as fast as it fell. "You said you weren't willing to lose Bucky. But right now it feels like you're willing to lose me."

"Don't be mad at him." Steve shook his head.

"He had no right telling you that without consulting me first." You denied. "Unless he broke some kind of code or something there was no rea-" Your own words made reality wash over you like an angry ocean wave trying to swallow you whole. "Oh my god."

"No-" Steve shook his head.

"He broke bro code, didn't he?" You asked Steve, feeling suddenly nauseous.

Steve felt nauseous too. His brain couldn't think of anything but the truth at the moment, but he was horrified. Though he tried to formulate the correct response, nothing felt right at the moment. "You slept in my bed."

"Oh my god." You took a slow step back, unable to process what information you were just receiving. He watched as your face turned just as red as his. "You like me?"

A billion different things came to mind. So many scenarios, so many possibilities, every single time you suppressed your own feelings for Steve because you never thought a man like him could ever love you. It was wrong. Yet all this time, he was harboring a secret of his own. And even then it was still wrong.

"You slept in my bed while you had a boyfriend." Steve spoke so firmly you swore you could feel the bass vibrating the floor.

"This whole time you we're hoping I'd jump right into your arms after breaking things off with Harvey?"

Steve knew where this was going, and the look on your face was just as horrified as he felt. Your lip was wobbling, your hands were shaking, and with every statement you took a step back. "No. But I did think that there was enough happening between us that you wouldn't go for Bucky."

"I slept in your bed because I trusted you, you asshole." You cried, pointing a finger at him. "I slept in your bed while staying with Harvey because he was the only man crazy enough to actually love me and I didn't ever think anyone would be crazy enough to love me ever again."

Steve opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. His jaw hung open for a moment, before it closed, then opened again. "Well then I guess you were wrong."

"I was wrong." You agreed, wiping your face once more as you watched his eyes tear up. "I trusted you to keep me safe in training, protect me against the people who are harassing me. I trusted you as a friend, a confidant. I even trusted you enough to see me naked, but I was wrong."

"This is exactly why I didn't tell you." Steve mumbled. "Because you trusted me and I didn't want to break it. Bucky didn't know."

"So let me get this straight. You had a secret that you kept from both of us, but Bucky's actions are excusable because he didn't know. My actions are inexcusable but I also didn't know, and we did the exact same thing together?" You asked. "You spend a lot of time talking shit about men's double standards around the compound for someone who turned around and is treating me the exact same way."

"I'm trying to talks through this so we can all go back to being friends."

"You we're never my friend." Your words cut through his heart like a knife. "You we're someone being nice to me in hopes of getting in my pants one day."

"No, that's not true." Steve pleaded, blinking back tears. "Our friendship means a lot to me. That's why I'm this upset in the first place."

"I don't think I can ever go back to being just friends with your or Bucky ever again." You cried. "All of you guys here are the same, I can't do this anymore."

Steve watched you clutch your stomach, as you spun on your heels and walked straight for the door. Little did he know, you felt so nauseous you were trying your hardest not to throw up.

"So that's it?" Steve asked, standing up from the couch. "You're going to throw away everything the three of us have built together as friends because we can't have a rational conversation?"

"A rational conversation? You can't even admit that you're only mad at me because you wanted to get into my pants and now you feel like you can't because Bucky got me first." You turned around to look at him. "That's all I am to anyone. That's the only relationships I've been able to form since I've gotten in this compound. You, Bucky, Harvey. I'm not a human to you guys, I might as well just be a glory hole."

"You're misunderstanding me." Steve shook his head, eyebrows raising upward like a sad puppy.

"That makes two of us." You turned back around and grabbed your packed duffel near the door that you always kept for emergencies.

"I care about you, you know that right?"

"It sure doesn't feel like it right now." You denied his claim.

"Where are you going?" Steve asked. "This is your house."

"The compound has never felt like home to me." The door swung open. You didn't even look back at him before stepping through the doorway. "Don't worry about where I'm going, just say the fuck away from me."

And just like that, the door slammed behind you and rattled the ground. You set off like a storm on the other side, and Steve was left on his own to crumble. Only when he was sure you were gone for good did he let tears fall down his face.

Trying your absolute hardest to hold it together you rushed through the compound hallways, desperately trying to avoid seeing anyone you knew before you made it to your car.

You didn't have it in you to have a face to face conversation with Bucky at the moment, but you did feel like you needed to tell him that the friendship was over, so you called him instead.

"Hey, bug." He answered sympathetically.

"Why did you tell him?" You cried.

"I had to." There was a deep sigh from the phone line. "What did he tell you?"

"Why the fuck are you protecting him?" You asked. It was admittedly a little harsh, but Steve had already amped you up.

"So he told you everything." Bucky stated. "I figured out he was in love with you last night. I couldn't in good conscience keep our secret anymore. He needed to know because the longer we kept it from him the worse this would've been."

"He doesn't love me, Bucky." You denied. "What he did wasn't love. It was control, and it was power, but it's not love."

"I can tell you're upset with him, but I don't think that was his intention." Bucky calmly denied. "Give it a few days to settle, alright? You can be mad at us all you want and I understand why, but emotions are high right now and it seems like both you and Steve are villianizing each other."

"I'm going to be gone for the weekend." You stated, needing to set firm boundaries. "I love you, but you hurt me and I need to get away."

"I'm sorry, bug. I really am." He apologized.

"You, Harvey, and Steve will all be blocked from reaching me unless it's during work hours. And as of now, I can't be a friend of yours."

"I understand" Bucky accepted the repercussions of his actions, though he was sad about it. "I hope you know we care a lot about you. I'm sorry this is all happening this way, but I still want you to be safe. Will you let someone know where you're going? Maybe Commander Bennett?"

"Yeah, I will." You agreed, feeling relieved that at least Bucky was being rational. "I hope in a little while we can figure this out between you and I, but it's going to take some time."

"I hope so too." He agreed. "Stay safe, and be smart. I'm here for you whenever you're ready."

You hung up, drove off, and the second the compound was in your rear view mirror it felt like the weight of the world was off your shoulders.

The weekend came and went simultaneously way too fast, yet painfully slow at the same time. You stayed with your sister who welcomed you with widely opened arms, and really took the time to listen to you when you spoke. She let you get it all out, she wiped your tears, then by morning you'd put on a brave face for Luca.

Spending a lot of quality time with him was truly the only reason you hadn't fully lost your mind. By Monday you felt well enough to face the shit show that was work, but it didn't last very long.

You had made it a whopping 4 hours into the work week before getting sent to Steve's office with an ice pack pressed to your cheek and Commander Bennett opening the door for you.

Steve looked up as the two of you entered, but your eyes were glued to the floor. You didn't need to look around to see where the chair was. You already knew.

He hoped that Bennett couldn't feel the thick tension that filled the room, but it was unusual for him to follow you to his office, and he did take note of how bad you looked.

Well, unfortunately for him he always thought you were stupidly beautiful, but your eyes were swollen. You looked exhausted, drained, and nothing like your usual fiery self.

"We need to do something about 212." Commander Bennett cut straight to the chase. "We can't keep cutting into her work time and having her get hurt because 212 and all his awful friends are picking on her."

"What happened?" Steve asked, trying to see what was under the ice pack.

"I saw them trip her with my own eyes. I don't know if they thought I wasn't watching, or if they thought they were being sly enough that I wouldn't notice, but this cannot continue." He stood firm. "Poor thing smacked her face against the floor, but she still is claiming that reprimanding them will make it worse. So what's the solution?"

Steve sighed and leaned back in his chair. "Do you have any ideas, Commander?"

"Give them one more strike. Let them all know that if they pull this again one more time before evaluation we will disqualify them from taking the test." He suggested. "That includes physical, and verbal attacks."

"That's a really good idea, thank you." Steve agreed. "I'll talk to them today."

"Are you comfortable with that, 306?" Bennett asked you.

"Yes, sir." Your voice was hoarse.

"I'm going to give her the option of cutting her work day short or continuing her training, but no matter what we all know she doesn't need more training." He noted. "I'll leave her with you so you guys can figure out your schedules."

"Thank you." Steve said politely.

Bennett left and the door clicked shut behind him, but your eyes stayed glued to the floor. Your options were go to your apartment and sleep the rest of the miserable daylight away, or spend two hours alone in a room with Steve.

You both already knew what the choice was going to be. There was no need to discuss the schedule change.

Steve knew you hated his guts right now, and he was still feeling hurt by you, but it took a few moments for it to dawn on him that he still needed to be a boss and a leader regardless. So he put his best foot forward.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

There was barely any compassion in his voice, he might as well have been a robot, so you didn't bother responding. You didn't even bother looking at him.

"Would you like to talk about the incident?" He pushed.

"No, Captain." You responded, coming to the same awareness that he was still your boss.

Your use of his title and refusal to look at him felt like a shot to the heart. "Would you like to be relieved of duties until tomorrow?"

"Yes, Captain."

"You are dismissed."

Just like the last time he saw you, you walked out on him without as much as a glance back knowing the next time you'd be forced to see him would be evaluation day.

Next Part: pink peonies

Ooooohhhh we have some ANGST! Who’s right? Who’s wrong? I want to hear ALL your opinions! Sound off in my inbox! Team Bug, Steve, or Bucky? Let me know!

Tag list: @saranghaey @firephotogrl74 @selella @talesofadragon @ss28 @nekoannie-chan @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory @spikeluv84 @crazyunsexycool @callmissrogers @xxxalicerogersxx @whore-for-chris-evans @em8rin @mulbsstuff @qalijahbydior @awkotaco24 @buckybarnessimpp @nicoline1998enilocin @buckysteve @rogersbarber @mybuck @dbnightingale24 @ynstark

Tag list is still open! Lmk if you want to be added 🌟

[dreamerschroniclesofstories]

Hey love ! Hope you’re having a wonderful day/night 🩷

Could you please do a Tommy X reader where the reader works for him ( it could be his maid or secretary) and someone says something mean to them and they feel so humiliated that they leave. At first Tommy doesn’t know what happened until someone tells him and he goes ballistic and ends up defending her then they end up together 🩷 it could be angst to fluff please :) thank you so much

Sorry for any mistake !! English is not my first language

Hey lovelie! Thank you so much for your ask, I can definitely do that for you!. Hope you guys enjoy.

This fic will be based around season three, this means that Tommy and grace do not get married, in this she had Charles then left Tommy. Also, in this Lizzie is a bitch but its only for the purpose in the fic x.

Summery: request above

Word count: 2,321

When you were twenty, you had graduated from bed-ford college, which was very uncommon since not many people could read or write, but luckily your mother learnt you from a young age how to both which allowed you to complete your studies.

However, this meant that when people found out you were from London and had gone to one of the most prestigious colleges for young women, you were judged. Most people thought you were a privileged woman from a rich family. Unknownst to anyone but yourself, you aren't. You lived in a one bedroom apartment with your mother and two younger sisters. Your father had left your mother ,after your youngest sister was born, for a younger woman.

As you grew up, your mother had become ill, she had began to suffer from Melancholia, as her doctor described it. She never recovered from it and died when you had moved back home after graduating. When your mother died, your young sisters were left in your care and you decided you wanted to leave London and find somewhere else for your sisters to grow up. After nearly four years, you found your current home, Birmingham.

You loved your job, all you had to do was respond to letters for Tommy, make sure his schedule was up to date, make sure there weren’t any over laps and make meetings on his behalf. The only bad part of the job was sharing the room with tommys other secretary, Lizzie stark. At first, when she had started working two weeks after you started. She was nice, you spoke everyday, had lunch together whilst on break but once you started to get closer to Tommy she began to change.

At the beginning, you pretended not to notice, thinking maybe she was just having a bad day but every time you went into tommys office without knocking or every time Tommy comes in work, he stops to speak to you and asks you how your weekends been and how you sisters are, Lizzie would grumble under her breath and when you weren't looking would steal the paperwork Tommy gave you to sort out so she could do it and claim you weren't.

Today was one of the days that Lizzie was being extremely bitchy, it was a Friday afternoon which meant Tommy wasn't in the office most of the day. He was either at a meeting or in the betting shop. This left you and Lizzie alone.

You had just gone into tommys office to put the paperwork Tommy needed on his desk when Lizzie walks in as well.

“ Tommy has a lot of whores, one for each month, which one are you?”she sits down at the round oak table, getting out a cigarette then lights it.

You turn around to look at Lizzie and frowns, not understanding the purpose of this conversation “ what Mr Shelby does in his personal life is none of my business”

“don't act dumb, you know what i'm talking about Y/N” Lizzie spits, venom lacing her voice.

“ i don't think we should be having this conversation when Mr Shelby isn't here, its not appropriate” you asserted, picking up another pile of paperwork, being to walk back to the double doors that leads out to you desk and Lizzie.

The sound of scuffing catches your attention, making you stop walking and look towards Lizzie once again “ get off your high horse Y/N, this is Birmingham everyone is a whore, they don’t have money to act like they are better then everyone” Lizzie barked, pointing a finger at you.

Your heart begins to race, the blood running through your veins begin to rush to your face, causing your cheeks to begin to heat up, it was like someone had turned up your internal thermostat to the maximum and now your face is a shade of red that would make a tomato jealous.

“ i'm sorry if i offended you in some way, i did not intend too” you apologise, you knew you hadn't said anything offensive but you didn't like confrontation and you wanted to avoid yelling in any possible way.

Lizzie takes a drag of her cigarette “ you are so insufferable, i dont know how your family deals with you” she chuckles under her breath.

At the mention of your family, you take a shakey breath and turn away from lizzie “ i need to start this paperwork” . As soon as you sit back at your desk, you began to look through the paperwork but you couldn't concentrate. what Lizzie said to you runs laps in your head, making your chin begin to quiver as your eyes begin to fill with tears.

Unfortunately, at the same time polly walks through the main doors into the building, she walks over to you. Wiping under your eyes quickly,putting a smile on your face.

“ hello Polly, what can i do for you?” you ask softly, your voice breaking slightly as you try to hold in your emotions.

Polly raises an eyebrow and places her purse down on your desk, watching as Lizzie walks out of tommys office with a smirk on her face but as soon as she sees Polly, she quickly covers it with a smile.

“whats happened?” Polly asks, suspicion filling her words, looking between Lizzie and you.

“ nothing pol, just talking business” Lizzie puts on a smile and looks towards you, her eyes widening for a second to tell you not to say anything.

“yes, just business” you agree, nodding slightly.

Polly hums “ if you say so, anyway is Tommy free in the afternoon this week” she asks.

You grab his schedule from your draw and begins to look through this weeks page he's free Wednesday afternoon from two o'clock onwards” you grab your pen “would you like me to write you in for a meeting with him”

Polly smiles and grabs her purse again “ yes, thank you Y/N, your a doll” she kisses your cheek softly then leaves.

The visit from Polly, helped you distract yourself from the situation with Lizzie, you smile happily as you begin to write down the information bout polly's meeting in tommys schedule. As you begin to write in the book, the ink tub falls onto the page causing you to gasp.

You look up and see Lizzie standing in front of your desk, smirking. she lights another cigarette “opps, i guess you'll have to tell Tommy you ruined his book” she tuts, shaking her head.

Once again, your pulse begins to race, your heart starts to beat so incredibly loudly, louder then gunshots. Your hands shake as you begin to try and pat the ink with her handkerchief but it wasn't working.

“no,no,no” your eyes begin to well up with tears for the second time, in less them an hour. You look up at Lizzie, disbelief in your eyes.

“ why would you do that, this has all of Tommy's schedules” you ask astonished.

“ you don't belong here, I've known Tommy before you even were in Birmingham, i should be sat in your chair. Everyday i have to see you prim and proper, giggling at Tommy” Lizzie rants angrily.

Unknownst, to both of them. Polly was still behind the door listening to the conversation. she knew something was wrong so she wanted to listen in case they were hiding something.

Polly leaves the office, determined to find Tommy to tell him what she heard between his secretaries. however, she couldn't find him.

It had been a few hours since the incident, you were quiet s you write a letter to Tommy, you have decided to leave your position of head secretary, you couldn't cope with the daily taunting from Lizzie.

The sound of the door opening and close catches both of the women's attention, you stand up immediately when you see Tommy.

“ Mr Shelby, i need to speak with you if that's alright” you ask softly as you walk around your desk, to stand beside Tommy.

Tommy nods and lights the cigarette that was resting between his lips “ come through to my office miss Y/N” he gently places his hand on the small of your back as you begin to walk to his office with him.

As the door to his office closes, you didn't notice Lizzie watching you. Her eyes like daggers.

“please sit” Tommy nods to the chair by his desk as he sits in his own chair, slowly blowing out the smoke from his mouth. You gulp and nod, sitting down slowly on the cold brown leather seat. the coldness helping to cool down your skin.

“ I've been thinking for the past couple of weeks, and i didn't want to do this but its the best thing for me” you explain, nervously fiddling with the letter in your hands. Your hand shake as you give Tommy the letter “ i'm giving in my notice as Secretary, i will be leaving this company after we finish this conversation”

Tommy frowns, taking the letter gently “ may i ask why” he raises an eyebrow, looking towards your direction. you end up making eye contact for the first time during this conversation.

You smile slightly, your eyes showing that you were distressed “ no reason, i just feel ready to move on”

The next day

Tommy had organised a company/ family meeting, he had some business to talk about. Lizzie had to sit in the meeting since you use to but now you had left your position, no one else can do it.

Tommy had ordered two peaky blinders to watch your flat, wanting you to be protected since people knew you were associated with them.

The meeting had started nearly half an hour ago, however Polly just noticed Lizzie sitting at the table. She frowns “ Thomas, where is Y/N?”

Tommy sighs and leans against the wall, taking out his cigarette holder then opens it “Y/N has decided to move on with her career and no longer work for me” he announces.

Polly raises an eyebrow, glancing at Lizzie, seeing her smirk slightly “ have something to say Lizzie?” her voice full of bitter.

Lizzie shakes her head, no saying anything. Tommy nods and lights his cigarette “ Lizzie, by tomorrow afternoon i need an advert in the paper for a new head secretary” he explains.

Lizzie frowns “you're looking for someone else, i thought i would take that position” she admits.

Polly chuckles and shakes her head “ is that why you forced Y/N to leave? or is it because you want to fuck Thomas?” she quizzes.

Lizzie blushes slightly as Tommy raises an eyebrow and looks towards her.

“is that right Lizzie?” he asks, his eyes turning cold.

“ it wasn't fair Thomas, she came in and you gave her the job straight away without even knowing her” she snaps, putting down her pen. The room went quiet after lizzies confession.

“you were jealous of her so you made her feel bad about herself so much that she left her job? ey? are you fucking proud of yourself” his voice begins to rise as he speaks.

“it wasn't-” Lizzie begins to defend herself when Tommy interrupts her.

“ By the end of today, i want your desk cleared and you stuff gone, you're fired” he points to the door as he speaks, Polly smirking as she watches Lizzie stand up and rush out of the door. As soon as Lizzie left, a blinder rushes into the room.

“Tommy, shes leaving. we followed her to the train station. shes got bags and her sisters are with her as well” he states, catching his breath.

Tommy immediately grabs his coat and cap, rushing out of the betting shop.

At the train station

The sound of people yelling and rushing to and from trains fills your ears as you carry your bags, your sisters infront of her, walking towards the platform where your train back to London would arrive. The clunking and screeching of train engines makes you flinch slightly, you never get use to that sound.

Your train was due for another hour but you wanted to have enough time for your sisters to say goodbye to their friends before you went to the train station.

As you sat on the bench with your sisters, you didn’t hear Tommy calling your name since the platform was extremely loud. However, in the corner of your eye you see him walking over.

“ girls, stay here” you instruct, standing up.

You walk over to Tommy, looking up at him as you both stand infront of each other. However, you didn’t have time to say anything before Tommy kisses you. You didn’t know what to do at first but after a few seconds you felt your shoulders relax as you ease into the kiss.

Time slows, your lips felt like they were made to connect with each other. The feeling of Tommys hand on your cheek causes goosebumps to arrise on your skin. You had wanted his mouth on your for months, but now it’s happening, you want to savour the moment.

Your lips part softly, chasing tommys as he pulls away “ what was that for?” You whisper, biting your lip ever so softly.

“ I should have done it awhile ago” he whispers, stroking your cheek bone gently “ come back, I know what happened, lizzies gone” he explains, looking into his eyes. His pupils blown.

You smile, chuckling under your breath “ okay” you whisper, putting your hand over his.

Tommy brushes his pad of his thumb over your bottom lip. A silent harmony parts your lips as a soundless breath leaves your mouth. Your eye lids slide shut as Tommy leans in, brushing his lips across yours, feeling the coldness of his skin, like snowflakes trundling down from the sky. The soft pillow of your mouth gives Tommy the pressure that he longed for.

This is the light at the end of the tunnel, and you’re so glad you survived.

A/N: hey guys, I don’t really like this one. It feels rushed and it’s unedited so there are a lot of grammar and spelling mistakes. Please do like and comment, I appreciate all of your support ❤️

[mvltixcc]

Girls Like Girls - Robin Buckley X Cheerleader!Reader

Summary: Robin has a crush on the new girl in town. Y/N is also a new member of the cheer squad, which means Robin sees her all the time at games and other school events. Unfortunately, Robin is put in a tough situation. She's scared to talk to her because the cheerleaders have a reputation of being mean girls and she fears that Y/N may not feel the same. Little does Robin know that Y/N does not appear as she seems. Y/N becomes best friends with Eddie, which seems unlikely at the surface due to different social circles. This leads to rumors of course and word spreads like wildfire here at Hawkins, which then makes Robin's feelings even more confusing. After hanging out with Steve and the gang, Robin starts to see a different side to Y/N. Will they end up together or will they just remain friends?

Word Count: 2.7k

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Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

Chapter 3

After that night Robin couldn’t stop thinking about you. Every time she thought about how sweet you were to her, she couldn’t help but get butterflies in her stomach. She liked the warm fuzzy feeling you gave her. Had she really misjudged you? Deep down Robin knew that Steve was right when he said that you weren’t mean and scary. But she would never tell Steve that though, he’d never live it down. 

Some time had passed since Robin and Y/N’s last interaction with one another. They saw each other in the halls and would exchange waves and smiles. It was unfortunate, but they both became super busy with practice as it was football season. At least Robin got to see you there and she took what she could get. In her mind she felt like you weren’t just cheering for the guys, but also for her too and that alone brought her comfort. 

“Have you talked with her yet?” Steve asked as he was cleaning the front windows. He had been nagging about Robin talking to Y/N for weeks since their moment in the store. 

“No, now will you stop asking me that! There have been more important things happening in my life, like the football games!” Robin states.

“Yeah, which she’s also been at, might I add!”. Steve added. 

“Not helping!” Robin responded.

“You know to me it seems like you’re avoiding her.” Steve said sarcastically. Robin rolled her eyes and went back to work. Maybe she was avoiding you, she feared you would reject her and that terrified her. “Well good thing for you, now is your chance.” Steve stated as he pointed to the door. Robin looked in that direction and saw you about to walk in.

“Oh god, how do I look?” Robin said as she began to frantically fix her hair and brush off her clothes. She wanted to look nice for you, she didn’t want to appear to be a mess, even if she was one half of the time. 

“You look fine, don’t be nervous.” Steve remarked as he tapped his friend on the shoulder. 

“Wow I’m totally cured and not even more nervous at all!” Robin exclaimed sarcastically. 

“Hey stranger! It’s been a minute since you’ve been by, thought you might have forgotten us or something.” Steve joked as you walked in. 

“No no no, I could never forget you guys!” Y/N chuckled and gave Robin a wink. That sent her into overdrive. If her face wasn’t looking like a tomato before, it surely was now. 

“What do you need? That sounded rude, oh god I'm sorry!  I just mean do you need uh- help with finding a movie or something.” Robin rambled as you headed toward the counter. 

“It’s okay!” Y/N giggled. “I’m actually here for a job interview! With football season coming to an end, I need something to do so I figured I’d look around for a job.” She smiled. The thought of you working there with Robin was enough to make her pass out. She would be able to see you everyday and she had no idea how to handle that. 

“That’s um- neato.” Robin stated awkwardly. There was a brief moment of silence before Keith had called you in the back to be interviewed. “Well I’ll see you guys in a bit, wish me luck!” You said walking away from the pair of friends. 

“Neato? What the hell is wrong with you Buckley, get it together!” Steve proclaimed.

“I don’t know I got nervous and you know what happens when I get nervous!” Robin said, panicking. 

“Yeah I’m well aware of what happens.” Steve joked.

“Oh god what am I gonna do if she gets the job?” Robin stated, still panicking. 

“Oh I don’t know, maybe talk to her and tell her how you feel?” He remarked.

“You’re not helping Harrington!” She replied, now pacing back and forth. 

Some time had passed before you had walked out from being interviewed. “Alright fine you want my help? Watch this.” Steve said, setting down the items in his hand. “Hey you, how did the interview go?” Steve asked as you made your way back to the two of them.

“I think it went well considering I got the job!” Y/N cheered.

“That's great! So listen, I’m having a little Halloween party at my place next Friday and Robin here was wondering if you'd like to go with her?” Steve conveyed as he pointed to Robin, who looked like a deer in the headlights. 

“Wait really, you want me to go with you?” You questioned. Robin gulped hard. It was now or never and she had to face it head on. ‘Thanks a lot Harrington.’ She thought to herself.

“Oh um yeah yeah totally, it’d be super fun if we went to this party together.” She said with nervousness seeping into her voice. Robin hated how hard this was for her. “I totally understand if you don’t want to-” 

“I'd love to go with you!” You interrupted. “Are we dressing up? Ooooo maybe we could dress up together or something, that would be so cool!” You said with excitement. Your eyes lit up as you continued on, which caused Robin’s cheeks to flush once again. 

“That would be great! We’ll see you then!” Steve said with pride. You all waved your goodbyes and as soon as you had left, Robin gave a smack to the back of Steve’s head.

“Ow! Is that any way to thank your friend after scoring you a date?!” Steve exclaimed, rubbing the back of his head. 

“You could have at least given me a heads up that you were gonna do that dingus!” Robin groaned. 

“Well excuse me for trying to help a friend. Maybe a little thank you would be nice.” He said. 

“Yeah I’m not thanking you just yet Harrington.” She chuckled. What had Steve gotten her into?

It was finally the day of the party and to say that Robin was a mess would be an understatement. She had so many thoughts running through her head and all she could really feel was fear. Robin had thought about canceling because it would be better than the alternative. As she got lost in her nervousness, she saw that Y/N was approaching you with a slight skip in your step. “Hey hey hey, I’m so excited for tonight! We’re gonna look so amazing! You have your costume right?” You asked. 

“Yeah yeah I uh have it.” Robin assured, clearing her throat. Y/N let out a sigh of relief. They finished planning out any last minute details and departed as the bell rang for first period. “Well I’ll see you later Robin!” And with that you walked away with that same cute little skip in your step. 

Robin made her way to her first class and sat in her seat. She felt a little at ease after the conversation she had had with you. She started to daydream of how the night would go, but was soon interrupted. 

“So, Y/N tells me that you and her are going to Harrington’s party tonight?” Eddie inquired, leaning over to her. 

“Hello to you too Munson, and for your information yes we are going together. What about it?” Robin stated with a rather blunt tone. She didn’t want anyone, not even Eddie to ruin this night for her. He looked taken aback from her comment.

“Hey hey, I come in peace!” He said, raising his arms up. “I just want you to look out for her is all. She doesn’t usually go to parties like this and is only going because you invited her. It’s also her favorite holiday and I don't want it to be ruined for her.” Eddie stated sincerely. 

Robin just stared at him for a moment before speaking. “Oh yeah sure, I’ll make sure she’s okay.” She had no idea you were only going because she invited you. Well Steve asked, but that's besides the point. Eddie nodded to Robin and went back to his seat. She was now determined to make sure you both had a good time tonight.

Robin had waited out front for Y/N to arrive at the party, she had already been there helping Steve set up. She could see Eddie’s van coming down the road and soon pulled up to the front yard. Robin stood from where she sat on the steps and made her way toward the van. You excitedly opened the door and jumped out to hug Robin. She was so caught off guard she almost forgot to hug you back. 

“Robin, look at you, you look so pretty!” Y/N said, pulling away from the hug and getting a good look at the girl in front of her. Robin could feel herself turning crimson. She wasn’t expecting to hear that from you. “I um, oh thank you.” She replied nervously. “You also look uh pretty.” She couldn’t help but stare at you in awe. You wore a simple black slip dress with some knee high socks and tall boots. She thought you looked beautiful. You thanked her for the compliment. Robin could see the blush creep upon your cheeks, which caused her stomach to do flips.

“I almost forgot!” Y/N said, turning back to the van and grabbing something from the front seat. “Our hats!” You said with excitement. You both had decided on being witches, it was super easy to find everything considering this was all last minute for the both of you. You put your hat on and helped Robin with hers shortly after. While you began to move bits of hair out of Robin’s face, she couldn't help but stare into your eyes. The way your (Y/E/C) eyes sparkled into the moonlight, she was mesmerized. You were so beautiful. 

“There, all better!” You said. You turned to Eddie and waved goodbye and soon he was off. “Ready to party?” You asked. Robin nodded and you both made your way inside. There was a good amount of people there already, the music was going and people seemed to be having a good time. The both of you had been dancing and laughing. Robin really enjoyed your company. She was happy that she didn’t cancel. Steve had pulled you both aside and took a picture with his polaroid. Soon after the picture was taken you had excused yourself to use the restroom. 

“Soooo are you having a good time or what?” Steve joked. 

“Okay okay, I’m having a good time. You were right or whatever.” Robin had rolled her eyes and chuckled.

“See I told you you would!” He was happy for his friend, she deserved this after everything she had gone through months prior. 

Their conversation was soon interrupted by the jocks making their arrival known and Chrissy coming up to the two of them. 

“Wow Buckley, I’m surprised to see you here!” She said with her usual sarcasm. 

“Why is that a surprise? Steve is my friend, you know.” Robin replied with annoyance.

“Oh well because you're at the bottom of the food chain. You really think you can hang out with people like us? Ha, that’s pathetic.” By this point people had been watching this spectacle go down, which only made it worse as it fuels Chrissy’s behavior. 

“Why do you care so much?” Robin questioned. She didn’t understand why it bothered her so much what she did. Robin never did anything to the cheerleader, at least to her knowledge. 

“Because there’s an order at this school and you my dear, need to be put in your place!” Chrissy said as she threw her drink onto Robin. The party grew silent. 

“What the shit Chrissy?! Robin, are you okay??” You asked standing in front of her trying to block people from looking at the scene ahead of them. Chrissy laughed as you attended to Robin. Robin with tears in her eyes, shook her head. “Let's go upstairs and get you cleaned up.” Y/N suggested. The party continued on as you brought her up to the bathroom to get washed up.

“I’m so sorry about her.” Y/N apologized, helping her clean off of her dress. 

“It’s fine, I should be used to this right?” Robin sniffled. 

“Hey look at me.” You said, putting your hand to Robin’s face so she could look at you. “It’s not fine. What she did was awful, you don't deserve to be treated that way by her or anyone else for that matter. You’re so special and kind Robin, don’t you ever forget that okay?” You said with sincerity, rubbing your thumb on her cheek. You flashed her a warm smile and she smiled back. Still holding her face, you gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead. 

“Stay right here for me okay?” You requested and Robin nodded. Y/N had left the bathroom for a moment and Robin was unsure why. Before she knew it, Y/N had returned from whatever you were doing. “Alright, let’s get you out of here.” Y/N stated grabbing Robin’s hand and heading downstairs. 

“Oh god now what is this mess?!” Chrissy exclaimed as you and Robin made it back to the crowd of people. You turned around to face her.

“Just drop it okay, we’re going.” You said, trying not to make the situation worse. By this point there was nothing but silence. The music had stopped and everyone was looking on at the disaster before them.

Chrissy chuckled. “You think you’re so special huh? Befriending the losers of this town? Well let me tell you something, you’re not! First it was the town satanist freak, I mean I thought that maybe it would be a little phase because he was the first person you met here. But now this, the dorky band girl? I mean come one how low can you go at this point?! You really need to-”

“You know Chrissy, you of all people you should know not to judge a person before getting to know them. I’m also only going to say this once so you better listen well, don’t you EVER talk about my friends like that again. And quite frankly the only thing I need to do is take my friend home and get the hell away from you! Come on Robin, let's go.” Still holding onto Robin, you both make your way to the front door.

“If you walk out that door, then you’re off the team!” Chrissy yelled over the crowd. You stopped in your tracks, Robin giving you a sympathetic look letting go of your hand. She knew how this was gonna go down. ‘It was fun while it lasted’ she thought.

“You can’t kick me off the squad.” You say turning to face the head cheerleader. 

“Oh yeah and why is that?” Chrissy humored the girl. 

“Because I quit.” Y/N announced as she took Robin’s hand again and walked out the front door. Eddie had pulled up with his van just in time. You both climbed into the van and soon you were off. “Let’s get you home.” You said, still holding onto her hand.

Next Chapter

[andrewwtca]

Something really sad, and also INCREDIBELY telling, I found in the Ultimanias is how the Destiny Trio's bonds are described. like, Sora and Riku are kind of consistently described as best friends, but when Kairi gets involved, the bond just becomes childhood friends.

Sora: "Though he lived on Destiny Island with his childhood friends, Kairi and Riku..."

Riku: "A young man who cares deeply for his friends and is Sora's best friend and good rival."

Kairi: "A lively girl who possesses a pure heart of light and grew up on the same Destiny Island as Sora and Riku."

I found a translation, as well, of a character correlation diagram and they're the only trio that isn't described as best friends.

I understand that as a whole, their trio is supposed to represent growing up and how your bonds to one another can change - whether that means growing stronger and coming even closer or weakening and becoming distant - but you'll still care about each other. But it still is incredibly heartbreaking to see the main trio's friendship summed up as "they grew up together."

The only place I've so far seen to say different is the Story Before KHIII.

Sora:

Riku (ignore these god-awful screenshots I was literally watching a youtube review to try and read it because I couldn't find it anywhere else. Just trust me, it says 'Sora and Kairi's best friend since childhood'):

Kairi:

Now, I get it that maybe they don't want to use the same language, but it makes the most sense to me to say on Sora's bio to describe them as best friends, especially considering we see HIS bond with Riku and Kairi, but on Riku's? And the fact that Sora is always the 'friendship guy'? (This is just an outlier I wanted to bring up that calls Riku and Kairi best friends, and that's only if you take these translations as 100% faithful, which we have seen time and time again, that they often aren't.)

It almost feels like their friendship is at an all-time low. And don't forget this is the guidebook that leads up to KHIII, which should hypothetically be the peak of their bond, because they're all on the same level (not in terms of Mastery as Riku is the only Master, but in terms of all being Keyblade Wielders), they're all safe, they all have opportunities to tell each other their feelings. This book is a chance to be a celebration of their friendship, of how they overcome and yet?

'Childhood friends.'

I remember, maybe a few weeks ago, there was a question going around on Twitter asking 'if you have to get rid of one trio, which one would it be?' and most people said Destiny Trio and yeah, it's for a very obvious reason! A lot of these same people say that the games just don't do a good job of showcasing their relationship and they're all really good friends with each other, and everyday, it just more and more obvious it's just wistful thinking. This is as close as we can get as a 'word from god.'

And when you look at the game, it's obvious that they're drifting. The last meaningful conversation we had in this group was Sora and Riku in KH2. KH2!!! That was literally 18 years ago (like a few months for them, but that's not the point I'm making)!!! Meanwhile, we got meaningful interactions in both the other trios in KH3 - which, I'll concede, it was because they were separated for long periods of time that they were so meaningful, but if the game wanted to show us Destiny Trio having deep interactions, it could've! Literally, Sora and Kairi sharing a paopu fruit didn't even have a conversation! it was just Kairi inadvertently voicing her (VERY WELL JUSTIFIED) fears that they'll drift away from each other!

The reason Destiny Trio doesn't feel like a trio is because they aren't one! There's Sora and Riku who are homoerotically close, there's Sora and Kairi who have are growing distant, and there's Riku and Kairi who's only meaningful interactions were founded on guilt or Sora.

TL;DR: "Destiny Trio" is slowly turning into "Sora and Riku dating with Kairi constantly left out of the picture"

They really are Destiny Trio because destiny brought them together and that's about it. Destiny can't give them the same drive to save each other as it gave Seasalt and Wayfinders. I mean yeah, they'll physically save each other, but they're so out of touch emotionally with each other. Like Kairi still refuses to process Sora growing up. Riku has never told Kairi about the things he did to try and save her. He's never even told Sora about his jealousy of Sora and Kairi. And god forbid Sora ever tell them about his insecurities!

The apathy towards destiny in Chikai's opening feels like the perfect way to describe what's going on with them. Destiny is there. Destiny brought them together. And that's it. What else is there to care for?

It's also, once again, very telling that this same song then proceeds with very romantic lyrics about making an oath with someONE. Hm. It's almost like even outside the games, on written supplements, we're constantly being told the path the Destiny Trio is on, and we're constantly being shown that every step they're taking is leading them further down it.

Just. OUGH, these kids!!! I need them to stop sacrificing themselves for each other and making these oaths that are all too big for them, and sit down and just TALK. (And please please please let Kairi interact with someone other than these two. Please, it hurts to see her fall away with nowhere to land!!!)

[iouinotes]

All for you | Carl Gallagher

pairing: Carl Gallagher x female!reader

show: Shameless

warnings: angst, fluff, smut (the reader and Carl are 18 years old in this ff)

summary: Carl is challenged that he can get your money, if he makes you fall in love with him. He loves the challenge until he loves something else more...

authors note: sorry for so many pov switched, I didnt notice it, when I first wrote this ff. Also I haven't had the chance to watch all the seasons yet, but I still hope that Carl's character is somewhat accurate :))

Carl's pov

"Frank, goddamit youre no help! Why are you even lying around here - oh forget it, I don't want to hear it." Fiona's voice echoes in the room, while the entire Gallagher household is present.

The everyday discussion has been going on for too many minutes in which I could have done something better. The damn question “How do we get enough money?”

Lip at college, Ian with his gangster boyfriend, my shitty sister with her kid and then Liam. This family is screwed. No wonder with a father like Frank.

As the argument continues to escalate, I have the misfortune of sitting right next to him.

"You care to share some money, son?" Of course, my attempts to ignore him are unsuccessful.

"The drug trade doesn't always work out so well, but the weapon thing was something. You could give one to your good old dad, you know what the neighborhood is like." I run my hands through my hair in frustration, shaking my head.

"Just get one or two girls pregnant at school, then all of our problems are solved. But she has to be rich. After all, you want to get your hard work paid." Why the hell am I still here?

"You used to be more enthusiastic about my ideas. If you don't want to do play daddy, then use your charm. When I was your age, my cock was enough and the girls were happy."

"Be fucking quiet, no one wants to hear about your pathetic youth." It's no use, he keeps talking.

"I'm only saying, If you make a rich girl fall in love with you, then you can get money to do something nice for your family."

As I get up and walk away from him I take a breath, the tension caused by this idiot sucks.

Still, his words got me thinking. Maybe there's a new girl who would be perfect for this job...

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Your pov

When I moved here, I wasn't sure what to expect. New school, maybe mean classmates and bad cafeteria food. That I might be able to join a group and make friends, people who laugh with me in class or go to the cinema together on weekends.

I was prepared to get lost in the hallways a few times, perhaps to be peppered with embarrassing questions by the teachers. I had even prepared myself for being called a nerd again and therefore spending my lunch breaks alone.

Then things turned out differently. I met two girls who, although they scared me at first with their need to gossip all the time, are good people at heart.

They studied with me (meaning they told me the newest gossip and braided my hair while I did our homework), showed me the city and its pitfalls. I felt comfortable, prepared and confident for what awaited me here.

Oh lord, was I wrong.

On a Thursday in the middle of the week I met a boy who messed everything up. Literally.

I met him when he was running through the halls twenty minutes late, but stupidly didn't pay attention to me, who was about to cross his path. Let's put it this way, it ended with my books on the floor, my jacket hanging off my shoulder, and his hair being a huge mess.

When he looked at me, I expected to hear something like "sorry" or "I'll help you."

You want to know what he said?

"Cute top. Let me know if you need help taking it off."

Then he got up casually and walked into the classroom across the hallway, a grin on his face as if he had won the Bachelor title.

After this encounter two things became very clear to me. 1. Look both ways when crossing the halls and 2. Stop daydreaming about this boy, even if he has beautiful blue eyes.

The first thing worked better than the second.

After a few descriptions, which actually only consisted of "incredibly impudent and incredibly good-looking", it was explained to me who I was dealing with.

Carl Gallagher. A boy who has lived here since he was born, someone who is rumoured to be more dangerous than the Italian Mafia.

Even though I thought that was exaggerated, I quickly realized that I should stay away from him and that he meant trouble.

Aside from the fact that I wasn't going to be in the situation of talking to him again anyway, my eyes couldn't stop themselves from looking at him.

There was something that defined him, something that made me want to watch a grin creep across his face when he made an inappropriate joke, how he would push his blonde hair back and his eyes would shine mischievously, as if he had already planned the next bank robbery.

I wasn't the only one who found his charisma attractive tho, of course not when he looked like one of God's angels, but he never really seemed interested in other girls. At least not with any serious intent, you might hear him flirting or making comments about his free bed, but you would never saw him in a relationship.

He never held hands or kissed anyone, had a real smile on his face or said sweet things, he was just Carl.

Suggestive, hot-tempered and like a flag that proclaimed: Stay away from me, because you will lose this fight.

I also felt that if I continued to watch him, I would lose the battle for platonic feelings towards him too.

"Please don't tell me you're looking at our school bad boy again. You better be careful, he might want to sell you a gun." Kenzie's voice makes me sigh.

"These are just rumors. Besides, it's not my fault, he's just -" Her hand on my shoulder interrupts me.

"We know, you have heart eyes every time you talk about him. There are so many great guys in this world, I'm not saying at this school, but you choose this one?" Her look says more than a thousand words as she looks over at Carl, who is pushing his way trough the crowd.

"I'm not in love, just curious. Those are two different things, okay?" Her eyebrows raise.

"You mean, curious how his lips would feel on yours?" Her laughter at my expression is lost in the sounds of the cafeteria.

"Very funny." I murmur to her, food forgotten on my plate. When the school bell rings, I stand up and pick up my backpack.

"My class is canceled now, but I'm going to the library. Will you meet me later?" As I walk backwards I see her thumbs up and the hearts she makes in Carl's direction. My reaction is two quick middle fingers.

As I walk out of the school building, I check my phone and tie my hair into a braid. The library is a few blocks away and the cool air makes me shiver.

When I get there and wave to the boy at the entrance, I turn to my favorite department. Call it cliche, but I love romance books. I mean, I don't know what it feels like to love someone with all my heart, but that doesn't mean I don't love reading about it.

The books I actually need are a few rows away. History, literature, everything I am assigned to get for school.

As I stroke over a few tapes and finally pull out a book to read the first few pages, I hear a noise next to me that makes me look up. After all, the library is usually a pretty quiet place.

As I look into the familiar blue eyes, I feel my cheeks turn red.

I have to stop myself from staring.

"Always a book in your hand, I see." Oh his voice hasn't changed. I try to shrug casually as I answer, but I'm not sure if it actually works.

"Aren't you going to be late for class again?" At my sarcasm he smiles, he takes a step in my direction which weakens my control over my voice.

"I thought I would learn something somewhere else too." These coded words make me swallow.

"So, you're here often?" I almost think he's not answering me, but maybe I'm just not concentrating, because I'm paying too much attention to every mole on his face.

"Actually, I didn't even know this shitty town had a library." His words make me laugh, but several requests to be quiet around us, make me whisper in response.

"Then why are you here?" I think my breathing stops as his hand brushes my fingers that are still holding the book.

"You're here." I feel my heart beating nervously faster, I probably look pretty confused and when I notice his grin, something flutters in my chest.

"No interest in books, huh?" Can my answer actually be any lamer?

"Dont worry, I have a newfound interest in you."

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Your pov

If someone had told me a few weeks ago that I would become friends with Carl Gallagher, I would have found the idea absolutely crazy. To be honest, I still find the situation insane, but damn my cheeks still turn just as red when he's with me as they did the first time.

It turns out that he really has no interest in books, even though he visited me at the library almost every day since we met in the romance department.

I've never met anyone like him, funny and couragous without any reserve, always looking for trouble, acting self-confident. But also sweet.

He's like a current that pulls you along, like a wind that blows so hard that you fly with it. He feels like freedom and it is wonderful.

He makes me laugh, he carries my books, plays with my hair, walks home with me. In such a short time I feel like he didn't knock on the doors to my heart, instead he made a home there.

Maybe this is what it feels like to fall in love.

It's not a gentle announcement, more of a realization that makes you incredibly desperate and happy at the same time.

But with him I actually just feel happy.

"Ready, sunshine?" As soon as I come out of the classroom, he comes towards me and takes my bag from me. My heart jumps at his gesture, which feels like winning the Olympics.

"You're crazy, where do you even want to go?" He has something planned but won't tell me. When he puts his arm around my shoulder and I lean against him, I get a few sideways glances from our classmates.

Carl ignores everyone like always, it's crazy but the way he's so confident is pretty attractive to me.

"Does the guy in your cheesy books also tell you where they go on dates? I bet not, so just wait."

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"It feels like you're kidnapping me."

I feel his smile on my back and have to giggle quietly at his response.

"Mh, I plan to do that. But only for a few hours, otherwise my head will roll tomorrow. Your father takes your curfew pretty seriously."

I feel his hands on my hips, guiding me forward, hear the birds chirping around us, but can't figure out where we're going.

"Just a few more steps, baby. Then you'll see." As he promised, it is only a few meters away and when I see a small, calm lake, my mouth falls open in surprise.

"Carl, oh my God! It's wonderful here, thank you so much." I turn around in his grip and look at him, his smile reflects the love that I feel.

"Yeah? How much do you like it?" As his eyes focus on my lips, I feel a tingling feeling in my stomach. Slowly, my fingers stroke his chest and I see him swallow, even though he tries to hide it.

"I think it's incredibly beautiful here, I love it. And...I really like you." I shyly lower my gaze, my words are met with an unknown silence that makes me anxious after a few seconds. But when I look up at him again, he pushes a strand of my hair out of my face.

"To me, you are much more beautiful than this sight. I like you too and I thought that was pretty obvious." I smile broadly, butterflies fly around in my stomach and as the sun illuminates his face, I feel incredibly happy.

"You're so nice to me, I don't know how I deserve this." An expression crosses his face, but when I blink he smiles at me again.

"After all, you are the first person who explained the topics for the history exam to me, without giving up." My hand cups his cheek.

"I wouldn't give you up, you've become too important to me." As I stand on my tiptoes, our lips brush, his hand is on my back and pushes me closer to him.

"You are an angel." With his words we kiss and everything else around us blurs, only he remains. Everything is unimportant except him, standing in front of me, so handsome, that it is difficult not to look at him.

"Come on, let's go for a swim." As he pulls me towards the lake, you can hear our loud laughter in the air.

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Carl's pov

"When are you going to collect the money? You've been with her for the last three months and nothing has come of it." Frank's annoying voice frustrates me more than anything else.

"I am working on it. Besides, she's actually really caring." When I see the dismissive hand gesture in my direction, I roll my eyes.

"You are completely wrong, son. A person is there for a certain period of time, but money? Money accompanies you throughout your life, especially if you buy beautiful bottles of the best alcohol."

I sink into the sofa, but want to turn away when I feel his hand on my shoulder.

"If you put it off any longer, it will be harder to get out of the situation. Girls your age will start planning to get married, if you stay with them for months."

But when he leaves, I feel conflicted. Can I really do this to her?

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Carl's pov

"Happy birthday!" Her voice makes me jump and, confused, I turn around on the bench to look into her excited eyes.

"Why are you jumping around like that? Are you practicing for cheerleading?" I'm making fun of her, but the smile on her face doesn't fade.

"No, idiot. I'm just really curious to see how you react to your gift." My breath catches for a moment as I take in her words.

"You got me something?" When she leans forward and gives me a kiss on the cheek while pressing the bag into my lap, I start to smile too.

"Open!" Her encouragement breaks me out of my trance and I quickly tear up the paper, looking at the tickets with wide eyes.

"But...these tickets cost a fortune? Did you sell your liver or something?" When I look at her, she smiles back at me.

"I talked to my dad and he agreed that you deserve something special for your birthday. Are you happy?" As I look at the cards, I suddenly feel a pang in my heart. It must be showing on my face, because her happiness is also fading away.

"Do you not like it? I thought it was your favorite team? I can get you something else." When I look at her, I quickly pull her between my legs and kiss her.

"Shh, breathe angel. It's perfect, thank you. And well, your father. It's just a lot of money." Her hands play with the fabric of my shirt.

"You always say that. Do you have problems at home, with money, I mean? I've never been to your place, I don't even know where you live." What should I say to her now?

"It's okay." Her raised eyebrows look at me reproachfully, making me sigh.

"Each of us has to contribute a certain amount of money every month and if I don't sell fucking drugs, it will be tight." Her astonished look makes me pause and I gently stroke her arms.

Before I can say anything else, she kisses me. I look at her in surprise.

"What's that for?" She smiles shyly, looks at the floor for a moment before looking at me again.

"You're just so honest, I admire that. And that you've never asked me for anything, you know. That I lend you some money."

Fuck. Shit. What do I say?

"Yeah, I mean, I don't want to burden you with that-" but she interrupts me again, her concentrated expression makes me curious.

"What's going on in your pretty head?" My hands wander over her sides.

"It's the end of the month, how much are you missing?" I frown in confusion, but when she doesn't let it go, I tell her the amount.

"$240, the rest I earned by helping in the neighborhood." But despite the high sum, she just nods, looks at me again and gives me another kiss.

"Okay, maybe I'll be your sugar mommy." I have to laugh at the absurdity, but the longer she grins at me, the more I think she means it.

"What, are you serious? Thats fucking crazy, how am I supposed to pay you back?" Her eyes look around, but since the classroom is relatively empty during recess, she finds herself between my legs again. She slowly lets her hand wander down my stomach until she squeezes my cock through my clothes and I close my eyes in delight.

"Hmm, maybe you could help me relax between classes." Her eyes sparkle mischievously and I look at her with a grin.

"Anything you want, sugar."

Let's put it this way, the next few weeks the breaks were filled with kissing in the back corner of the classroom, dry humping on the toilet or Carl doing his best to pleasure me with his tongue in the caretaker's room, like now.

"Ahh-, Carl. I'll cum if you keep that up." His head has disappeared under my skirt, his fingers are stroking the bare skin of my thigh and the sinful movements of his tongue are making me see stars.

As he adds a finger and runs it over my folds, slowly until he inserts it, he looks at me again.

"You coming for me? Yeah, be a good girl or do you want to get caught by the old janitor grandpa spreading your legs for me?" As my eyes roll back, he pumps another finger into me, scissoring it thoroughly and hitting that sweet spot inside me.

When I moan loudly, he grins.

"You like that? Just wait until I bury my cock in you and you cant walk straight afterwards, so that everyone will notice." When his finger presses my clitoris, I see white and as I come I try to muffle the sounds with my hand over my mouth.

When I get off my high, I blindly search for my panties. But Carl beats me first.

"Hmm, no. I think I'll keep it as a little souvenir. Maybe you can get it back when you come to my house later." I don't know what surprises me more: that he wants me to run around exposed at school or that I'm invited to his house for the first time.

"Really? I'd like to come." But he interprets my words differently, his fingers stroke my entrance again and I moan and squeeze my eyes shut.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of it. Very well and for a very long time." When the bell rings, he lets go of me and I whimper slightly.

"Carl-" but he interrupts me by pulling back and straightening my skirt.

"I'm sure our agreement was between recess, now it's class time. Come on, I'll make it up to you later."

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Your pov

As we ride the bus toward his home, I take his hand and intertwine our fingers.

"But don't expect a mansion or any of that shit." Ever since we left school, he has been bad-mouthing his hometown every free minute he has.

"Don't worry, I'll only have eyes for you anyway." The statement makes him laugh and he relaxes a little. As we get out and walk a little way along the street, we are watched by a few people.

"Why are so many people staring at us?" When he look at me, I'm obviously confused.

"Not everyone here wears designer clothes that cost several thousand dollars. If you come here more often, they'll call you a princess." Giggling, I slap him on the arm and as we climb the stairs to his house, I look around curiously.

"So this is where you grew up." His shoulders shrug casually, but I see him trying to gauge my reaction.

"Yeah, where in the world could it be nicer?" I laugh at his sarcastic comment and we both smile at each other as we enter the house.

I hear him calling into the house, then a girl with red hair appears, carrying a baby.

"You must be Debbie, the little one is so adorable." When I hold out my hand, she just looks at Carl with her eyebrows still raised.

"What did you do to end up with her? Also my daughter's name is Franny and yes, I know condoms exist." Surprised, I don't know exactly how to answer, so I leave it to Carl.

"My tongue is magic, Debs. Too bad you won't find out yourself anytime soon, Derek has moved away. By the way, Franny seems hungry." I'm unsure of the dynamic between the two of them, as she turns away and walks away, I resist the urge to say goodbye.

"That was...nice." His hand pulling me towards the stairs distracts me.

"She's a real ray of sunshine, come on. The others aren't back yet, so you can be as loud as you want this time."

When we get upstairs, he leads me into his room and I look at the magazines, posters and little things scattered everywhere.

"Cleaning and you are definitely not friends, huh?" I laugh at my joke, but Carl has other plans than letting me inspect his room.

He puts his hands on my hips and pushes me against the closed door, my breath catches as his eyes find mine.

"Do you want to keep playing housemaid? Then put on a damn maid costume, otherwise keep your eyes on me." At his stern voice, I press my thighs together and, grinning, I drag my fingers across his chest once again.

"Would you like that? Me on the floor, my ass in the air, and no underwear? Oh wait, what a coincidence that I'm not wearing any now either." His eyebrows raise, I see his eyes darken with lust.

"Let's save this little fantasy for another time, right now I just want to see you on my cock." Smiling, I lean towards him and start kissing him. I loosen the belt I bought him and pull him closer to me by his waistband.

"I think I did well today. After all, I didn't complain about getting through the school day without underwear. Do I get my reward now?" Grinning, he takes off my top and looks at my lace bra.

"Everything you want." He drops to his knees in front of me and kisses his way along my thighs, lifts my skirt and presses a kiss to my folds. Slowly he moves his tongue higher and kisses my stomach, I lean my head against the door.

"Does that feel good?" I just nod, burying my hand in his hair as he puts his mouth on me again.

"Ahh- Carl, I want you now." His fingers stretch me, the wetness running down my legs, making me tremble.

"You got me, sweetheart. What do you want me to do?" His head lifts to look at me and I place my fingers around his chin, seeing the moisture on his lips.

"I've been prepared enough, I want your dick now. Let's see if it's as magical as your tongue." Grinning, he stands up and lifts me up, lays me on my back on his bed and lies down between my legs.

He places a few kisses on my legs, then stretches up on his elbows so he's hovering over me. Then he kisses my cheek and my lips, lets his tongue slide over them and lets me taste myself.

I run my fingers through his blonde hair and pull his body closer to me. When he pulls a condom out of his pocket, I hold my breath.

"You still want to do this?" His look calms all the worries I had. I nod, stroking my fingers over his heated cheek.

"I trust you." His next kiss is passionate, his hands gliding over my body, caressing every bit of exposed skin. I lift my back off the mattress and let him take off my bra. His head lowers to run his tongue over my navel. As he sucks on them, I moan softly.

One of his hands starts kneading my breasts and when I try to take off my skirt, he stops me.

"Leave it on, okay?" I kiss him in response.

His hand strokes my sides and my own hands rest on his shoulders as he presses the tip of his cock against my entrance.

"Ready, baby?" When I agree, he presses himself into me and for a moment I have to squint my eyes because it hurts.

Then I feel several gentle kisses on my cheek, my forehead and my lips. His attempts to distract me work and as I become more and more relaxed, he slides further into me.

Slowly he presses his hips against me, the stretch so great that I can feel him all the way into my stomach. He waits for a moment, whispering sweet things in my ears until they get dirty and I beg him to move.

My hands wrap around his shoulders as he thrusts into me for the first time, the air around us thickening as he grunts and a moan escapes me.

"You're doing so well, God, you feel so good." His hips move faster and faster, the pleasure spreads through my body and the wetter I feel, the easier he slides in and out of me.

"You are perfect, my perfect girl. Do you feel good?" His hands stroke my skin, gently pinching my nipples, playing with them and making me squirm beneath him.

As he grips my hips and pushes himself harder into me, my head starts to spin. My noises get louder.

"Carl- god, please go harder" And so he does, the room is filled with the sounds of our bodies and sweat forms on us.

"Baby, do you want to ride me? You have such pretty thighs." I nod and when he pulls out of me I can't think clearly, I just want him to fill me up again.

He leans back and as I stabilize myself on his shoulders, I sink back onto him. The feeling is even better that my eyes roll back. His hands grasp my hips, helping me move.

"That's right, baby. You're doing so good, riding my cock like the good girl you are." At his words, I tighten my grip on him and he curses as I move harder on top of him.

The faster I go, the more exhausting it becomes, but as I feel a knot forming in my stomach, I ride him so fast just to chase my pleasure.

Then suddenly as he hits my spot inside me over and over again, I go boneless on him and melt in his arms. My come drips all over him and as he continues to fuck me, reaching his own climax, I tremble in his grip.

"Just a few more thrusts, baby. Ah, keep holding on to me." Even though I have lost my strength, I move on him a few more times until he comes and I lay my head on his shoulder.

We're both breathing heavily, but everything feels so good, so warm and comfortable, that I don't want to move a single muscle anymore.

He carefully pulls out of me, I moan slightly at the loss. He gently lays me back on his pillow and gives me a kiss before throwing the condom away.

He pulls the blanket over us and puts his arm around me to pull me closer. I snuggle up to him and feel so safe that I quickly press my lips to his skin.

"That was wonderful." He also presses a kiss on my hair.

"That was incredible, you are the best. I can't wait to do it again." Our embrace becomes tighter. For a moment the room is silent.

When I whisper his name, he hums in response.

"I know it's cliche to say something like that after the first time. But I just feel it so much that it hurts to keep it to myself. I love you." As I lie on his chest I hear his heart stop for a moment and then it starts beating much faster.

"I- no one has ever said that to me before." When I raise my head and look at him, he doesn't look at me. Instead, his eyes are fouced on the ceiling.

"I just want you to know. I don't want to put any pressure on you to say it. I just thought you should hear it. You know, now that things are serious between us." Again he is silent and I start to worry, but then he looks at me.

"You are truly the most incredible person I have ever met. I consider myself very lucky." He smiles at me, then leans down and we kiss for a moment. It feels like heaven.

We lay there for a few minutes, just cuddling and telling each other how our day was. We laugh and as the sun slowly sets, I start to get dressed.

"I wish I could stay here with you. But you know what my parents are like." He leans back on his elbow, watching me get dressed and contact my parents to pick me up.

"Hmm, I think we would do it again. If you stayed here tonight, I mean." I smile at him, sit down on his bed for a moment and ruffle his hair.

"I wouldn't mind, darling." The nickname makes him blush and when he leans forward to kiss me, I playfully push him away.

"I have to go, are you coming down with me?" He nods, feigning annoyance, and as we walk out of his room, he puts his arm around my waist and pulls me towards him.

He steals his kiss there, but more than that he steals my heart.

We smile at each other and for this moment everything is just perfect. We go downstairs and just as we are back in the living room we hear a door open loudly.

A visibly drunk man stumbles in. I see Carl tense up next to me, staring at the stranger angrily. I quietly lean towards him to whisper my question.

"Who is that?" When he rolls his eyes, I get a bad feeling.

"That's my father, great isn't it?" The man in front of me is dirty, has unkempt hair and an unpleasant smile on his face.

"Should I ask my parents if you can stay overnight?" My gaze is more focused on the man than on Carl.

But he just shakes his head, and just as he is about to answer, the man sees us too.

"Oh, my son! It's so good to see you, not really, but I'll take your bed. Fiona has mine. Is that your little girlfriend? She looks expensive, very good catch. How much money did you rip her off? I hope it's worth it to go through all this drama." I frown in confusion, but when Carl freezes next to me, I become uncertain.

"What does he mean by that?" This time my gaze is directed solely at Carl.

"Nothing, he's drunk-" but before he can finish, the man does.

"How rude of me, I am Frank. The proud father of this child, at least one of my descendants has made something of himself and used his talent. He has my good genes, the good looks and I teach him the tricks. Like exploiting an innocent, very very rich girl for money. It doesn't bother you, I hope? You seem to have enough, but I hope my son returns the favor to you."

The words catch me so off guard that I can't move. I don't believe anything this man says until I see the guilty look on Carl's face.

"W-what? That's a lie, right? Tell me he's lying, Carl." As he runs his hands through his hair and tries to answer me, Frank speaks again.

"Oh, you haven't confessed to her yet? My fault, I should have waited. I didn't think you would humiliate this girl for so long. I told you this wouldn't end well." But Carl ignores him completely when he notices me moving away from him.

"Wait, I'm sorry. It wasn't like that-" But I interrupt him, already feeling tears gathering in my eyes.

"So what happened? You act like you don't want any money from me and-" Carl's look becomes frustrated.

"You offered me your money! You said if I matched it, everything would be fine for you." I'm almost speechless, is this all a nightmare?

"Are you serious? I offered it to you because you weren't asking for it. And now I find out it was your plan from the beginning? You just talked to me, just spent time with me to get my money? Who does that?" Frank's voice intervenes.

"I invented the strategy, my dear. It's turning out to be quite useful." But I don't pay attention to him, I just look at Carl.

"Please, I'm sorry. Yes, it was meant that way in the beginning, but it's different now. I-" My tears flow when he admits it and any feeling of happiness disappears. All that remains is betrayal and sadness.

"You what? What am I saying, you were probably happy that I only wanted you in return. I'm such an idiot. You didn't just take my money, you took my first time too!" As he comes towards me, I step back.

"Listen to me, I didnt force you to do all this for me. You wanted it." The more he talks the more desperate I feel and the greater my anger becomes.

"You idiot! I thought you liked me! I thought you finally noticed me too." My sobs get louder and my vision blurs. When he tries to grab my face, I slap him.

"My cue to go. I can see that you're sorting it out between yourselves just fine." Frank's footsteps fading away are nothing compared to the sound of my heart breaking.

"I like you, I really like you. At first it wasn't my intention to start a relationship with you, but then I got to know you and-" Every word that escapes him is only worse.

"Stop talking! You know what the worst thing is that I liked you for so long before you even talked to me. And I thought it was a miracle when you first spoke to me in the libary. I should have listened to the others, you only care about yourself!" I wipe the tears from my cheeks, wishing I could be anywhere but here.

Then before he can say anything, I turn around and run out of the house. But I hear him following me.

"Wait! Don't just walk away, I have to get this straight. Hey!" He catches me, turns me around and holds my tear-stained face in his hands.

"I'm an idiot, I know that. I'm sorry for hurting you. I- God, I love you. You hear me? I love you too. Please stay." But I just shake my head and try to free myself from his grip.

"How do I know if that isn't a lie too? You've betrayed me, I can't talk to you now." When my car pulls up, I get in without turning around. I don't look back, even though his loud curse can be heard throughout the whole neighborhood.

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Your pov

I spend the next few days without saying much, but I cried almost the whole time.

I miss him incredibly, not a day has gone by in the last few months when I haven't seen him and now I've been alone for three days.

I wish he was here, but on the other hand I am so hurt and feel terrible. He is the reason for this.

I wish I had never found out. I wish he had never done it, never lied to me. Didn't use me for money, but worst of all, I don't know if he even likes me.

Today is the first day that I go back to school. Even though I put on make-up, choose a nice outfit and listen to my favorite songs to distract myself, I can only think of him.

His blonde hair, his beautiful eyes, the way his lips felt. How he felt inside me. Then I remember that he loves me and how he finally said it, something I have wanted to hear for so long.

But then I think about what he did and everything feels empty again.

As I enter the school, my friends come to meet me. They already know what happened, they all hug me and I feel a little better.

Until I see him.

And he sees me too. It takes all my effort to avert my gaze. To get my books out of my cupboard, but then I have to stop because he is not standing next to me offering to carry them.

I take it myself, close my door, but before I can go any further, he is standing in front of me. My heart stops. Oh, how his eyes shine.

"Do you need help?" His eyes focus on the books and I have to swallow several times before I can answer.

"No, I have to go to class now." But as I try to walk past him, he stops me.

"You don't answer my texts, you don't call me back. I'm not allowed into your house and you avoid me at school. What can I do? Please tell me what I need to do, so you forgive me." I laugh, but it is without humor.

"What can you do? Move."

I can see his shock, but he still doesn't step aside.

"Can't you hear me? I said-" but he walks toward me until I'm forced to lean my back against the lockers.

His eyes find mine.

"I can't sleep. And when I do, I dream of you. There's a - a hole in my heart that only you can fill. It hurts and I hate not being with you. It's even worse to be here, when you don't look at me the way you usually do. You don't smile at me, God, you don't look like you're in love with me anymore. It's hell."

Tears gather in my eyes, his words are so desperate, it hurts to see him like this.

"Maybe you should have thought about that before you took advantage of me. Before you slept with me." A tear runs down my cheek and I know my mascara is smudging.

"I know, I know. And I feel so bad, I'll do anything to make it right. Just tell me."

When I look into his eyes, my heart also hurts.

"Move, Carl. I can't see you now." This time he lets go of me and I go to class with tears in my eyes.

🔗🔗🔗🔗

Your pov

It's been four weeks since we last spoke, but it doesn't hurt any less to see him. Even if I don't let him talk to me, he doesn't give up.

He puts flowers in my locker, chocolate, and notes full of apologies and sweet promises.

Everything warms my heart, but it still feels like this money thing is unresolved between us. I know now that he likes me, very much in fact, as he makes it clear, but that doesn't change the real problem.

That he used me for my money.

As I leave school that day, I feel exhausted and, as I often do, I wish I had his arms around me.

Holding me tight, his lips kissing me, loving me.

As I wait for my father's car, I suddenly hear his familiar throat clearing. With my heart pounding, I turn around and see him smiling uncertainly at me.

"I know what I had to do and now I've done it. Here." He gives me an envelope and I take it uncertainly.

"Carl, your letters are flattering, but-" He quickly interrupts me.

"No, it's something else. Open it." The deja vu hits me unexpectedly and I slowly open the envelope, the content leaves me speechless.

"What is that supposed to be?" It's rhetorical, but I ask anyway.

"All the money I owe you. What you've kindly given me, I pay it back. Every cent. You can count." He looks so proud, I almost have to laugh.

"How- did you rob a bank?" He grins contentedly at my reaction.

"An old grandma." This time I laugh and he comes closer to me, slowly taking my hands.

"No, seriously. How did you do that?" He looks at me lovingly.

"Working in the kitchen every day after school, I found a part-time job with Fiona. The payment is bad, but it was worth it. I understand that money was the problem and well, that I wasn't honest to you." As I lower the envelope, we look at each other.

"Promise, no more secrets?"

He smiles and suddenly the world is a brighter place.

"Promise, but we continue one of our agreements." I raise my eyebrows questioningly, seeing him grin as he leans toward me, his breath brushing against my lips and he whispers:

"I'll still spend my breaks with you in the janitor's room."

The laughter that escapes me gets interrupted, when his lips meet mine.

[olichat-reads]

Imagine | ProHero!Bakugou x Villain!Reader

a/n: i'm on the brink of a panic attack at 7am on a monday morning sO-

🌟

imagine prohero!bakugou x villain!reader BUT they're childhood bestfriends. and and they're STILL bestfriends despite everything. sure, nothing personal on the job and sure they go head to head sometimes but at the end of the day they're each other's safeplace and comfort.

its weird but it works.

its not everyday, but sometimes your paths cross while you're both on the job and bakugou, that bastard, NEVER holds back on you. and to be fair, neither do you. given that the two of you grew up and trained together, you were pretty evenly matched. both knowing each others' moves and strengths and weaknesses.

which essentially, you two took advantage of in attempts to murder each other on the job :D

-

"you used that move i suggested you try 🥺"

"hell yeah it fucking worked!"

"i know, katsu. my shoulder is dislocated."

":)"

"you're buying me ice cream, you ass."

-

the press has a field day whenever you go against each other- deeming you ✨️a r c h r i v a l s✨️. it sure was an ego boost when your bestfriend was the number one prohero. also you got to terrorize him with the media. win fucking win.

-

*dynamight slams you into a wall*

"ohh~ harder daddy~"

"STOP GIVING THEM IDEAS YOU FREAK"

"BUT I WANNA READ ALL THE ENEMIES TO LOVERS FANFICS LET ME HAVE THIS"

-

and the thing is. it didn't scare you, either of you, to let loose when you come face to face in a fight. you knew katsuki was strong as much as he knew how hard you worked to keep up to him. no one could come close to hurting either of you, besides each other and even then, you each could hold your own.

that didn't mean you don't get injured though. one of you stumbling into the others' apartment beat up was way too common of an occurence with the nature of your professions.

-

"red riot hit me so hardddddd"

"tsk. thats on you. could've gone against me but you had to test your luck with red."

"BITCH STFU WE BOTH KNOW YOU'D FUCK ME UP WORSE THAN ANYONE ON THE FIELD-"

"of course i would. gotta try to knock some fucking sense into lil miss villain somehow. now come here let me see your ribs, they're probably bruised."

"AND WHOSE FAULT IS THAT"

"yours."

"YOU- OW FUCK. KATSU GENTLE-"

"calm down you baby. you got stabbed last week and you're whining about some bruised ribs."

"I HAVE A LOW PAIN TOLERANCE YOU ASS BE NICE TO ME"

-

as much fun as it is smack each other in the vicinity of a public audience, you enjoy the occasional mission where you were both on the same team. perks of being a morally gray villain- you're flexible like that.

it should be noted though- you two're somehow even WORSE than when you fight each other. the amount of unhinged chaos should be a public and health hazard.

-

"we have a problem..."

"let me guess. you caused it."

"you have no faith in me. i'm offended."

"answer the question. did you?"

"...i did."

"and you ask me why i don't believe in you. fucking die, tinkerbell."

">:O"

-

"whats our escape plan?"

"our what :D"

"omg we're going to die."

-

"HOHO WE LIVED BITCH!"

"YOU COULD'VE WARNED ME BEFORE YOU YEETED ME OUT THE FUCKING PLANE YOU PSYCHOPATH"

"WHERE'S THE FUN IN THAT D:"

-

the two of you don't actively try to hide the nature of your jobs and relationship with each other outside work- you don't bother pretending. he's a hero, you're a villain and both of you were bestfriends. as simple as that.

it makes life way more fun, you think.

🌟

a/n: this is fun i might add more to this hehe

[pwppypaws]

Journal prompts to get to know yourself

♡NOTE: these are ones I personally like, feel free to change them to fit you more. Be elaborate with your answers, don't feel embarrassed or insecure about them. Your journal/notes app is your safe space. Write in it whatever you like. Also note eng isn't my first language so I'm sorry for any mistakes♡

♡-What does your dream house look like? Where is it located and do you share it with someone?

♡-if money wasn't a priority, what kind of job would you have? Can you take it up as a hobby?

♡-what are your triggers? Are you able to avoid some of them? How can you cope in a healthy way when you get triggered?

♡-which element would you be and what form of it would you take and why? (Ex: water-waterfalls, air-heavy winds during a storm, fire-bonfires, earth-forests)

♡-do you believe in soulmates?

♡-which season is your favorite and why? Does it impact your mood?

♡-are you an indoor or an outdoor person? Maybe a mix of both?

♡-list a few everyday things that bring you comfort. (Ex: your favorite mug, your pets, your household members, your blankets)

♡-what makes you feel safe?

♡-what movie brings you comfort and why?

♡-are you an early morning person or a nightowl? Are you able to honor that in your daily routine?

♡-which mythical, magical being do you wish were true?

♡-list a few things that made you happy this week.

♡-what makes you feel healthy?

♡-write down the highlights of this month

♡-what does health/happiness/success mean to you?

♡-what makes you feel loved? And how do you try to make others feel loved?

♡-if you knew you could not fail, what would you do?

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I stopped going to Family Suppers every weekend?

So in my family it's just four: My Father (76M) and Aunt (72F) live together in the same house, divided in two. My Brother (38M) and me (34F) live on our own in separate houses. We are expected to go have supper with FA(FatherAunt Combo) every weekend and holidays.

This is basically a four hour event every S and S which occupies half the day and my Brother and I both work all week long and have only weekends to rest. My B is a teacher (in school and afterclasses) and I am a Customer Care Specialist, which means we both have to constantly deal with people and we are wrung out one by rambunctious children and unhappy costumers that behave like them respectively.

FA are very needy, wanting constant validation, and are the sort that complain if, for example, I do not call them everyday to check on them, expressing how "callous" and "ungrateful" I am for not "getting interested in them". But I honestly deal with clients all week and I'm all talked out, so to say. Sometimes when I finish I just want to not talk again in the whole day and lie down and not feel like another cog in the machine. I am still expected to fix everything wrong with them or their houses when I finish though, which is what exhausts me.

It might seem easy to say don't give in, but thing is, they have done so much for me and my B. My A helped me rebuild my house and F helped my brother fix his: they're always there when we need them and I love them to bits. They worry and love us and if we're in trouble they're the first to be there. My father helped me with my tumors and the expenses and my Aunt helped me get out of awful situations.

Thing is, this is reciprocal as much as it can be: B and I have always been ready to help where we can, but we don't have the same resources they do (both boomers who basically were hired before they even finished university whilst B and I had to fight years of unemployment and minimum wage and their relentless mockery of it) so what we can do is limited. We still do our best. To an almost unhealthy point. When things break, I fix them - even if I have an art degree and what broke is the washing machine or my fathers boat (my father has a sailing boat and I can barely reach the end of the month with 50uds in my bank account jfc). I cannot buy them a house, but I do my best to repay them for everything as I am.

But this expecting me to come every weekend and be in my Best Mood, never complain or rant and basically entertain them, prepare the table and food and clean the dishes and fix the Tv that broke and the phone that is not working is sucking me dry. My B stopped going at some point, because he finishes work at 21:30 and weekends are his only days off and he said he's exhausted and cannot deal with these expectations, but now I take the brunt of the FA complaining on how awful he is, the asshole he has become, how ungrateful, for not being constantly at their whim and call. And a part of me knows they are toxic, but this is also the people who brought me up, helped me at my worst and the only people who really stood by my side when I needed someone, so maybe it really is asshole behavior to not repay them in some way.

I have tried talking to them about it, explaining that sometimes my body will not work right and my brain shuts down and I need to unplug, but they do not understand and get offended at the simple notion that being with them to us is not as simple as just enjoying their company. Because truth is, to me it is almost an extension of my job: It is CC voice and face and mood, always jovial because I get shit or "have you tried not being sad/tired/angry" and fixing the toilet flush. Do not raise your voice, clean their house (return to clean yours) and maybe get back home at 4 to rest a bit. This every weekend. And I owe it to them for having taking care of me for years when I was at my worst. I already managed to avoid going to make their grocery shopping too, but they're also a certain age and they need the help. Jesus why is this so hard, they're not even my kids and they should be able to take care of themselves and I feel like a mother but they do need the help.

So the question is, WIBTA if I just... did not go? Follow my brother's example, even if I know how they will take it, and just reduce the number of times I go to them? Or would I actually prove myself to be the asshole they consider him to be?

Ah also I am expected to go visit my F after work too, or call him or else I am the unfilial daughter who does not remember she has a father, haha. Man, just writing this makes me exhausted and feeling like a dick because they're old and need the help.

What are these acronyms?

[chezgender]

Cha cha cha / It's crazy it's party comparison

@tmrwds post and @izpira-se-zlato addition gave me brainworms. @kylla-kylla also saw the connection between ICIP and CCC and I saw their post after I started writing this. So I'm definitely not alone in being insane. Thus here is my own rant about It's Crazy it's Party.

Notes:

ICIP lyrics transcript taken from @koppitules on twt, translation taken from a Käärijä discord

CCC lyrics and translation from lyricstranslate.com

Disclaimer: This analysis is purposefully exaggerated/dramatic in order to highlight contrast. I do think Jere loves his job and career, ICIP is definitely a fun song in which you can find (or not) a deeper meaning, it's up to your interpretation. I just love angst lol please don't come at me I'm sensitive 🤡😭

(ps. sorry to all the people I tagged. You don't have to interact with this, I just wanted to give proper credit)

Let's start. Bear with me being cringe.

First verse

At the beginning of CCC, we see how partying is reserved for the weekend - it's something cathartic after a long week of responsibility and worries, it's an outlet for stress and negativity. The world can't scare him no more, as he mentions later in the song, now that he's having fun.

In ICIP, people have pointed out how the first verse reminds them of CCC, musically wise. This is definitely on purpose, the main difference lies in the lyrics. Here Jere reveals that partying now it's an everyday thing. It's an endless circus of traveling despite everything, he's the cog in a machine bigger than him. The world that seemed so tiny compared to the fun, is now scary - the party is now and tomorrow and 365 days a year, in Finland and even abroad. As if there was no safe place. He can't escape it and it's overwhelming to the point "you'll feel it in your hair and your ass" (honestly, weird phrasing, but it gets the point across I guess?). Either way, this party is almost ineluctable.

Chorus

In the CCC chorus he says he wants to forget about the pains of daily life by getting wasted and drinking with both hands on as many drinks as he can hold, until he won't even be able to get up. Honestly, although this doesn't seem like a healthy coping mechanism (but I'm none to judge), it does look willing and deliberate - he makes the choice of getting drunk on the weekend. He's in control of when the party happens.

In ICIP instead the chorus is shorter, and quite tautological: crazy is crazy, party is party, and life is life, you know? (see @tmrwds for a cultural insight on the "elämä on laiffi" phrase). There's a different feeling in this chorus, the singing is soft and maybe even a bit sexy but the lyrics hold a touch of resignation in between. This party is not a deliberate choice anymore, Jere doesn't get to choose when his life is crazy/party and when he gets to rest.

CCC 2nd verse / ICIP Tommy's verse

Without need for lyrics, also because most people have a hard time understanding what Tommy was singing live, I'll talk about this in brief. I chose to include it because Jere himself sang some parts of it during the live - mostly echoing, but still.

In CCC, Jere parties almost alone. Well, it's implied that there's more people to that party but the song is about him, his own liberation from stress and whatever thing was keeping him bound and off the dancefloor. There are no explicit references to other people.

In ICIP instead, Tommy sings about a club in which they enter and people go crazy. They talk about sex in a rather crass way, probably for kicks, but as mentioned in @tmrwds post, it could definitely hint at the wrong kind of attention Jere is receiving. People in his DMs and probably even in person are making more or less explicit advances on him, surely unsolicited, but it's part of the party.

And Tommy invites Jere to party with him (that modulated voice parodically reminds me of the beginning of Barbie Girl by Aqua). Jere says yes, of course he wants to party with him, right here right now (no matter the day, or his condition, does he really have a say in it?)

Another thing I'd like to point out:

Jere in CCC mentions "it's hard to talk when this different side of me does its part" / Tommy in ICIP mentions how the alcohol makes it hard to think (obviously, but I'm clinically insane and I see intertextuality everywhere) - so, basically, the "side of him" Jere talks about in CCC renders him carefree, maybe happy, definitely free of burdens. In ICIP, this "part of him" seems to have taken complete control to the point Jere can't tell himself from it.

Last part of ICIP

"Let's go party" leads to a countdown - inexorable and short, leaving everyone little time to get ready. The song explodes like a bomb, reminds me of a breakdown in a Korn song. The bass hammers hard and everyone is jumping, hearts bursting, everything is out of control. To quote @izpira-se-zlato , there's an apocalyptic feeling to it. Jere can't do anything but let himself be engrossed without a chance to escape. Which he can't, lest he gives everything up.

Where CCC was party metal with a touch of eurodance, ICIP definitely belongs to an insane rave. It reminds me of Dutch hardstyle, dubstep and a touch of eurodance until the end, which screams industrial/nu metal to me, only adding to the concept of hammering and exhausting work/lifestyle.

We could say that It's Crazy it's Party is the Välikuolema to Cha Cha Cha's Viuliunkieli, in a way.

Jere is a storyteller in most of his songs, and it's clear he likes such narratives to carry on between different tracks (i.e: I think the Viulunkieli/Välikuolema narrative carries on to Morgan), so it's only fair to assume the two songs combined tell a whole story.

Further speculation: Jere has often said he's really tired in this precise moment - the relentless touring throughout summer is obviously taking a toll on him, no matter how much he can love what he does. It would be exhausting for anyone. Plus, the "ghost" of ESC follows him everywhere: sometimes I get the feeling many people perceive him as the CCC-guy rather than the complete artist he is, so maybe he's trying to change this.

As many people already said, the story Mikke posted with the grave being dug could hint at the burial of green-bolero-Käärijä. I don't believe Jere is denying the fame and good things it has brought, but he's probably willing to turn the page and carry on with something new (and probably take a long, well deserved break). Or maybe the MV will just be homoerotic softp-rn featuring a grave, WHO KNOWS. I just know I can't wait to see what's next. I love ESC-Käärija (without CCC I wouldn't even be aware of his existence, so I'm forever grateful) and that love will forever be a part of me, but I also welcome this change with open arms in hopes to see him grow more and more.

Conclusion: the speculation is very real and material and I am very very cringe <33

[nicoline1998enilocin]

''There's nothing wrong with her stutter!''

PAIRING | SEBASTIAN STAN x FEMALE!READER

WORD COUNT | 2.4K

SUMMARY | You get a job offering as a make-up artist for Marvel Studios, and quickly become great friends with Sebastian. He never cared about your stutter, and was always patient when you were talking to him. You grow really close, but when the paparazzi tries to hurt you, he is quick to shut them down in your defense.

WARNING(S) | Light swearing, a little angst in some spots.

A/N | Hi all! I decided to write this one-shot to show everyone who has a stutter and is struggling with it that it is completely normal, and you're absolutely perfect! A really good friend of mine struggles with it everyday, so I decided to share what it is like to live with someone who has it with their permission. I hope you will enjoy it!

Likes and reblogs will be very much appreciated 💜

Main Masterlist | Sebastian Stan Masterlist

Y/N still remembers the day she got the job offering to be a make-up artist with Marvel, it was such a big career move she even moved to New York City to be able to take it. Once she arrived on the set, she found out she would be the main make-up artist for both Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan, who she had both seen in a few movies before. The only thing that did really worry her, was the fact that she had a stutter, usually people didn't react to that all too well. Despite this, she decided to give this a chance because this could be the change she needed so bad in her life.

The first time you met both Sebastian and Chris was an absolute delight, they were incredibly nice. ''Hi g-g-guys, my n-name is Y/N, and I w-w-will be your makeup a-artist for now.'' you said, and your cheeks immediately turned a deep crimson color, and you really wished you could just run out of the make-up trailer and hide forever. ''Hey, I'm Sebastian!'' he said, and he decided not to comment on your stutter, he actually found it pretty cute. ''Hi, I'm Chris, it's really nice to meet you. I'm sorry and I don't mean to overstep, but do you have a stutter? It's completely fine if you do ofcourse!'' he asked, and you nodded, not wanting to embarrass yourself even more.

You did the boys' makeup and they were incredibly grateful, they asked all kinds of questions like where you are from, if you have siblings, stuff like that. ''W-w-well, I'm from a small t-t-town in Florida, w-where I lived with my ex b-b-boyfriend for a few years, and now I l-live here in New Y-York City, by myself. I s-s-sadly don't have siblings, but I h-h-have a three year old son n-named J-J-James.'' you said with a big smile on your face, thinking about your little boy. You don't see his dad anymore because he left after he found out you're pregnant, and he didn't want any of the responsibility.

''Want to know a little secret?'' Sebastian asked you, and you nodded. ''My character in these movies is also called James. I have a feeling this is completely meant to be!'' he said with a smirk and he let out a chuckle, you laughed as well. You have a feeling you would get really get along well with Sebastian, as well as Chris, because they both make you laugh and feel good, so you don't have to worry about your stutter. ''A-A-Allright guys, you're both ready. Have a good d-d-day on set today!'' you said and you started cleaning up your makeup kit for now, so you would have a clean space to work off of if they needed to be touched up.

The next few weeks were great, and you got to know both Chris and Sebastian pretty well, but there was this undeniable friendship between you and Sebastian. He never said anything about your stutter, but always carefully listened to what you had to say. He never interrupted or finished your sentences, which is something you absolutely hated, and it felt like a relief that he didn't do it. ''S-Seb? I want to say thank y-y-you for being so patient w-with me and my s-s-stutter. It is a r-r-relief that you don't interrupt me or fill in w-what I want to s-say.'' you say with a little flush on your cheeks. ''Ofcourse doll, I know how much it bothers you that people do that, but it doesn't take much effort to just be patient. Besides, I love hearing what you have to say!''

You were so grateful to hear him say that, it felt great to have someone in your life who didn't fill everything in for you, you can think and talk for yourself thank you very much. By the time the end of filming rolled around, you really got close with Sebastian, and you often ended up talking in his trailer for a little while before going home, where you talked about everything and nothing, the good and the bad. James was usually at daycare, but when he got very sick during the day, you had to go there in a hurry. By the time you got to your car you found it had a flat tire, and you didn't know what to do. ''Want me to drive you? I'm done shooting for today anyway!'' Sebastian offered and you happily agreed.

''Oh b-b-baby, what's going on? Are y-you okay?'' you asked James when you saw him. He was very pale and warm, definitely spiking a fever. ''He ate his lunch, but sadly he didn't keep it down and he got sick. He has been spiking a fever for a little bit, but it doesn't seem to go down. We're so sorry we had to call you out of your work!'' the lady at the daycare said, but you said it's fine. ''Hey buddy, are you feeling sick?'' Sebastian asked, looking worried at your son. He nodded slightly and he started crying, so you really had to go to the pharmacy and pick something up in order to bring down his fever. ''I'm s-s-sorry, but we really need t-t-to go now. H-Have a good day!'' you said. ''Yeah, you too and again, I'm so sorry!'' the lady said.

Both you and Sebastian hurried back to his car, you sat in the backseat this time, with James on your lap trying to comfort him a little bit. ''It's o-okay buddy, we'll get you s-something for your fever, and you'll f-f-feel better in no time!'' you said to him, softly stroking his cheek while giving soft kisses on his head. ''Sebastian w-w-will drive to the pharmacy and get you s-something to feel better, okay?'' you said, with tears welling up in your own eyes, because you hated to see him in this much distress, you absolutely despised seeing how bad he was feeling. Most of all, you hated the fact that you had to go through this alone, since your ex left you during the pregnancy.

Sebastian arrived at the pharmacy and went in after you told him what to get for James, so you could stay with him in the car. ''Here you go, James!'' he said when he came back, and he brought some of your favorite snacks as well, to make you feel a little better. He drove all three of you to your apartment, and you invited Sebastian in. ''Oh no, it's okay, really! I should really go, if I come with you I'll only be in the way of you taking care of this little guy.'' he said when he softly stroked James on his back with his big hand. ''It's okay S-Seb, really. I could use t-t-the company!'' and he agreed.

After a few hours you finally managed to get his fever down, and Sebastian was making dinner for the both of you so he was able to help. James didn't feel like eating yet, so you could always make him something simple later. ''Allright doll, dinners ready.'' he said, and he put down a delicious looking pasta salad, and your mouth started watering at the sight of it. ''Wow, i-it looks delicious!'' you say and you immediately put some on your plate. You realized you hadn't ate anything since breakfast, because it was hectic at work and when you got the call from the daycare, you completely forgot about lunch.

A few days later, you suddenly notice a lot of notifications on Twitter and Instagram, but you don't understand what it is all about. When you open Twitter, the first thing you see is '' Does Sebastian Stan have a new girlfriend? '' and you click on it. There are a couple of paparazzi photos of you, Sebastian and James from when he was sick, and Sebastian was there to help you both out. You get really nervous because of this, and decide to call Sebastian. ''Y/N? Is everything okay doll?'' he asked when he picked up after the second ring. ''S-S-Seb, have you seen the p-p-photos yet?'' you say and tears start to prick in your eyes. You were afraid that if he saw all the things they said, he didn't want to be friends anymore, you knew he didn't want a relationship for a while. Even though you were definitely not together, those thoughts still crossed your mind.

''Ah, you mean the ones where they say you're my girlfriend?'' he says with a sigh, he was hoping you wouldn't find out what the paparazzi said, since he knew how you felt about those people. ''It's okay doll, I have already put out a statement that I'm not in a relationship, but that we're just really great friends, that's all.'' he said, and you felt a bit relieved when he said that. You thank him and he asks how James is doing, since you had a few days off to take care of him. ''He's really d-d-doing great, and he has b-been asking about you! H-H-He wants to know where m-mommy's friend is, and asked i-i-if you wanted to come and p-play with him.'' you said with a smile, thinking about when James asked for Sebastian. ''Oh, I would absolutely love to come by later today. Is that okay? Maybe we can all go out to dinner together if he's feeling better!'' Sebastian suggested and you accepted his offer.

The three of you were on your way to dinner, and Sebastian got recognized by some fans who wanted to take a photo with him. He looked at you apologetically and asked if it was okay with you. ''Yeah, o-o-ofcourse!'' you said to him and stepped to the side with James, so you could give them space for a few photos. When the fans walked away you could hear them saying something about you stuttering, and you started to feel very self conscious again. ''Seb, m-m-maybe we should just reschedule. I'm s-sorry.'' you said, and James noticed the tears falling down your face. ''No mommy, no cyring! Mommy can't be sad!'' he said while wiping the tears away, which made you smile through the tears. ''Doll, it's okay. There's nothing to worry about, they don't know anything about you. If you want to go home that is okay and I will come with you, but if you still want to go to dinner I would love to go with the both of you.'' he said, holding your face in his hands. He gave you a kiss on the cheek to make you feel better, and you decided to go to dinner.

When it was time for the premier for Captain America: The First Avenger, Sebastian invited you to come along as his plus one. You gladly accepted, you could really use a night out for a change. The babysitter was more than happy to take care of your little bundle of joy, and you got to spend some quality time with Sebastian and the rest of the cast, who you've grown to love during the shooting of the movie. ''Hey Chris! H-how are you?'' you ask when you see Chris, you haven't seen him since the last day of shooting. ''I'm doing really great. I'm kind of nervous ofcourse, but I'll be fine! How are you and James doing?'' and you tell them about how we was sick a little while ago, but he is back to his old happy self now, and really growing up way too fast.

When it was time for the red carpet, Sebastian gently guided you there, and you both posed for some photos. ''Sebastian, how does it feel to have a girlfriend now?'' some people ask, and you are finally done with it. ''He's n-n-not my boyfriend! We're j-j-just really good friends!'' you say and you get angry, but instead of them stopping, they just started laughing and making fun of your stutter. ''Oh please, why would anyone listen to you? You can't even talk like a normal person!'' someone said, and this is what drove Sebastian over the edge this time. ''Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you? There's nothing wrong with her stutter! She can't do anything about it, and it makes her special! It's too bad assholes like you can't seem to get that into that small brain of yours!'' he yells at the guy, and he storms off the red carpet with you closely behind.

''S-S-SEB, WAIT!'' you say, only earning more laughs behind you. You start walking slower and tears are streaming down your face, Sebastian then stops when he hears you sobbing. ''Oh god doll, I'm so sorry for what just happened. I know how you feel right now, and I am so sorry that happened to you.'' he said, and he wrapped his big arms around you to comfort you. ''I-I-It's okay, I'm used to it.'' you say in between your sobs, but it still hurts that they make fun of your stutter. ''No doll, it's not okay, and someone had to set the record straight. I think you're absolutely perfect, and you didn't deserve that. No one deserves to be treated like that.'' he said in your hair whilst he kept holding and soothing you.

''I-I-I'm sorry. I should just go h-home...'' you say and you let go of Sebastian, but he doesn't want to hear any of it. ''Doll, how about we get you cleaned up in the bathroom real quick, and we will just enjoy the rest of the evening with our friends? You really deserve a night out, and those assholes can just fuck right off to where they came from!'' he said, earning a light chuckle from you. ''Okay, b-b-but you can't c-come into the bathroom w-with me!'' you say and the two of you make your way over there. Whilst you walk into the bathroom Sebastian goes to get you a glass of champagne and hands it to you when you walk out of the bathroom. ''T-t-thank you again, Seb. This m-means the world to m-m-me.'' you say and you give him another hug, and this time you give him a light kiss on his cheek, making him blush a little where your kiss just touched him. ''I love you, doll.'' he said. ''I l-l-love you too, S-Seb.''

[trentsixtysix]

Behind Closed Doors

Summary: Being the Liverpool Gaffer's niece certainly helped in landing you a new job as their physio, but one too many disagreements with a familiar player makes the whole experience slightly less enjoyable..

WARNINGS: This series will contain Angst, Fluff and Smut

Word Count: 4.1k

Chapter 9 - Chapter 8 here

Weeks had passed since you and Trent had spoken properly.

Aside from him being your lift to and back from work everyday, the only form of communication you both shared was when you got the dreaded text every morning telling you he was outside.

He hadn’t even been in to see you after training, to complain of sore legs or annoy you; and you couldn’t blame him because you had made it inexplicably clear that you wanted to be left alone the last time you guys spoke.

Maybe you were too harsh on him, and you were certainly beginning to feel like you should’ve handled it differently, but ultimately decided maybe it was for the best, and you and been hoping for this for a while now, to allow you to get on with your job without any distractions.

It was the weekend at last, and your plans included a birthday party later that night of your friend Alex. You weren't too close, but were in need of something to take your mind off of your busy week which is why you found yourself looking forward to it.

Your uncle and aunt were gone for the weekend again, meaning you had the house to yourself, often finding yourself feeling rather lonely recently when they weren’t here - precisely why you’d asked Joe to accompany you tonight for the party too.

The clock had struck 9, and you were getting ready at this point, frantically searching your moving boxes which were yet to be unloaded for a specific dress you wanted to wear tonight.

It was a small tight white dress, quite simple but sure to get people’s eyes wandering, which you didn’t seem to mind at the moment because maybe you needed to loosen up a little more, and even meet someone tonight.

Joe: I’m here

Joe’s ankle was doing much better, and although he was nowhere near fit to get back on the pitch yet, he was your ride and plus one tonight for the party.

You quickly got changed into your dress, letting him up to your room where he watched you rush and apply your makeup.

'You trying to get laid tonight?.' He joked, checking you out slyly.

'Is it too much?' You asked, conscious your dress may be too short.

'I mean you look good.' He laughed, as you checked your outfit in the mirror one last time.

'Ok lets go, the sooner we leave the sooner we come back.' You told him, grabbing your purse and following him to the door, right after you locked up the house securely.

'Are you not looking forward to it?' He asked, reversing out of your driveway, making you shake your head in response.

'Hardly talk to the guy, only going because I'm bored, trying to get out the house more.' You revealed, making him laugh as you continued to natter for the rest of the ride.

Eventually he had pulled up to the guy's house, who you met a few years ago at another party, where you both ended up having a brief, non-serious relationship for a few weeks, and he made sure to stay in touch with you even if you weren't into each other like that anymore. Regardless, you both would talk every once in a while, and the real reason you had showed up was to kill time.

Alex's house was nice, it was huge and the drive wasn't too far from your Uncle's, which is why there were plenty of people present at the party when you both arrived.

You stepped out in unison with Joe, who walked you inside to a loud atmosphere, and most people walking over to the birthday boy to give them their best wishes, leading you to do the same and introduce him to Joe.

You stopped in your tracks seeing him engaged in conversation with someone, and they both had their backs to you but it didn't take a microscope to figure out he was stood with Trent.

You discreetly looked around, noticing Trent's girlfriend wasn't here and were still a bit taken aback as you weren't even aware the two were friends, having had no mention of them by each other and were a little confused as to why he was present - your suspicions were only confirmed when they both turned around and spotted you guys, leading Alex to usher you both over.

'There she is!' He called, excitedly pulling you in for a hug, warranting a few faces from Trent who tried to disguise them, but you knew it was nothing serious as he had always been a flirt.

'Happy birthday!' You said, giving him a friendly air kiss and handing him a small card.

'This is Joe.' You said, gesturing to him stood next to you,

'Nice to meet you mate, you're a lucky man.' He joked, making you both blush in embarrassment.

'Nah it's not like that.' Joe rectified, laughing, as Trent stood there stone cold.

'Good, or we would've had a problem!' Joked Alex.

'You must be mates with Trent too then? If you work with them.' He asked, and Trent was about to confirm his suspicions before you cut him off.

'Nah not really.' You chuckled, watching as Trent rolled his eyes at your pettiness, leaving you to leave the three boys to chat as you walked away, in search of something to eat and keep you occupied.

As you sat scanning the table for food whilst people loudly conversed around you, you felt a presence quietly tower over you, suspecting it was Joe.

'Longtime no see?' He said, making you turn around as you recognised the voice as Trent's.

'I see you everyday.' You claimed, attempting to walk away before he grabbed your arm, pulling you back to him.

'There's people here Trent.' You whispered, noticing some people checking the two of you out.

'We haven't spoke in a while.' He observed, eyes glued to your cleavage, which was definitely made to look especially nice in the low cut dress you were wearing.

'Maybe it should stay that way.' You remarked.

'Didn't know you knew Alex?' He asked, as you just ignored him, finally freeing yourself from him and walking away.

Eventually you gathered around to where everyone was, noticing they were all involved in a game of Never have I ever, the game you always strayed away from because you hated sharing things about yourself, especially in a crowd of random people.

'Never have I ever gone skinny dipping.' Someone asked, almost making you laugh at how childish the questions were, watching everyone take a sip of their drinks regardless, only a few individuals didn't.

'Joe?!' You laughed, surprised as you watched him take a sip.

'It was once.' He replied, blushing.

They were mostly friendly questions, with some that you lied in response to, not wanting to out yourself too much, you weren't even drunk so there was no excuse.

'Ok Never have I ever slept with someone in this room.' Alex asked, and not many people sipped their drink this time, with you refraining from doing so too.

You watched as Alex took a huge sip, smirking as people around him began to cheer.

'Someone in here is a liar.' He joked, as people began to look around, wondering who the other person was.

You began to blush, hoping they couldn't see you turn red as you felt incredibly anxious from the way people began to whisper in speculation - you and Alex both knew it was you, but it was also true for you and Trent.

Trent's eyes burned into your soul, with him keeping his eyebrows raised in notion.

'Who is it then?' Trent asked, his eyes still on you however.

'A gentleman can't tell! She is looking stunning though.' Alex joked, clearly very drunk already, whilst Joe changed the subject.

'Never have I ever, slept with someone I shouldn't have.' Trent said, taking a sip of his drink after a few other people did too, not looking away from you as you took a sip too, which was exactly why he asked the question, and this time you couldn't believe his pettiness.

You decided you'd had enough of the game after a while, walking away from it as everybody else got back to what they were doing.

You were sat in the kitchen, with the only other people in there being a couple, who were there to get away from the noise, same as you presumably.

'You okay?' Joe asked, seating himself down next to you.

'I'm all good, don't worry.' You reassured him, smiling.

'What was all that about? Don't tell me you and Alex..'

'Yep.' You confirmed, seeing him gasp in amusement.

'It was a while ago, dunno why he decided to bring it up infront of everyone.' You shrugged.

'You and Trent still not speaking then?' He checked, aware the two of you had been silent with each other for weeks.

You just shook your head, and the truth was that you hated not talking to him. You were unsure why but probably because you found yourself bored ever since he'd left you alone, missing him even when all he did was annoy you - he entertained you at the end of the day when he wasn't being a dick.

You let Joe get back to everyone else, just having some more time to yourself for the time being, once again being startled when someone came and sat down next to you.

You could see it was Trent from the corner of your eye, and suddenly your heart began to beat a lot faster and louder.

He didn't even say anything, just mocked the lonely manner you were sat in and huffed, both of you staring at the kitchen tiles next to each other.

'I broke up with her.' He finally said, catching you off guard as you jumped a little, looking up to see him still lost in his thoughts.

'Oh.' You responded, unsure what he wanted you to say.

'Decided it wouldn't be fair on her, a one sided relationship.' He continued, this time looking up to look you in your eyes.

'Why are you telling me this?' You asked him, unsure if he was trying to make some sort of point by telling you he was single now.

He just shrugged, taking a deep breath before breaking eye contact with you, a first for him.

'Well I'm sorry to hear that.' You told him, studying the way he was suddenly silent.

'Well you're not though, are you?' He challenged, confusing you.

'What do you mean?' You asked.

'You're happy to hear we broke up.' He claimed, making you scoff.

'I couldn’t care less Trent.' You revealed.

'You are happy, and it's fine because so am I, it was terrible the entire time I was with her.' He told you, making you cringe as you really did not want to know.

'The 2 months?' You laughed, making him laugh too, and you both found yourself smiling at each other unknowingly..

'Dress looks good.' He observed.

'Just the dress?' You teased.

'You look good. You look gorgeous actually.' He whispered, looking you up and down repeatedly.

'That's just the drinks talking.' You said, shutting him down.

'I've only had one drink Y/n, I'm sober.' He assured you, raising his brows, and for once you were both sober and not being too passive aggressive with each other right now.

You tried to hide your blush, looking away instead as you didn't want to face him, knowing you'd find yourself entranced in his eyes and the Iines from his smile time and time again.

'You were harsh to me last time we spoke.' He teased, smirking as you both recalled your argument in the car a few weeks back.

'I was not, I was just fed up.' You defended.

'You shut me out without even hearing what I had to say.' Claimed Trent, as you just pursed your lips together.

'Why don't you believe a thing I say? You have some serious trust issues.' He joked, both of you laughing.

'Can you blame me? Been lied to a fair few times.' You replied, maintaining your smile to avoid the conversation from turning too deep.

'Ah, you're scared of getting hurt again.' He detected, and you couldn't even deny it because it was true.

'Have you ever hurt someone like that?' You asked him, out of pure curiosity, watching as he paused to jog his memory, before nodding.

'It was a long time ago, before I matured.' He said, honestly.

'You've matured?' You joked.

'Oi, I broke up with her because I didn't wanna waste her time, is that not mature?' He said, both of you chuckling.

'How generous to your fake girlfriend.' You teased, as you both fell silent again.

'I know I haven't been speaking to you, but I don't know why; I expected you to call.' You revealed, shyly.

'You told me to leave you alone, I had to fight the urge to call you late night many times.' He revealed.

'Why?' You questioned, unsure what else he'd want with you.

'Just to talk.' He said, standing his ground.

'Why? Surely you have friends for that.' You said, noticing he found your stubbornness amusing.

'But they're not you.' He said, shrugging, noticing you were pushing for more context.

'What do you mean?'

'We don't know enough about each other Y/n, that's what makes this easy for me I guess.' He told you, head down now as he feared he'd revealed too much.

'You're scared of letting people in?' You asked, seeing him nod as he tried to brush it off.

'We are more alike than we think.' You agreed.

'I didn't tell the boys about us Y/n.' He said, changing the topic now.

'It's whatever Trent, I've moved on.' You lied, knowing you felt especially betrayed he had outed you.

'But you haven't, that's your whole issue with me isn't it?' He asked.

'If you did, it would be the most insulting thing.' You complained.

'I didn't Y/n, I respect you more than that.' He guaranteed, making you laugh nervously.

'You're just being nice because you want me to sleep with you tonight I bet.' You told him, rolling your eyes to get up and leave - there was something about him being nice that was so foreign you couldn't handle it.

'No. But even if I did want sex what's the big deal? You've said yourself there's nothing between us.' He mocked, bringing up your own words.

'Yeah, you're right.' You agreed, just to make things less confrontational, before walking away and getting back to everyone else.

You were a fool for thinking you could have a nice conversation without it turning south quickly, and just wanted to leave at this moment, scanning the room for Joe to ask if you can leave.

You: Joe where are you?

You had no response from him, turning to see Alex at the door.

'Have you seen Joe?' You asked, looking around.

'He left with some girl about 20 minutes ago, sorry mate.' He informed you, making you sigh loudly in frustration.

'You can just stay the night here if you want? Like old times?' Alex asked, putting his hands on your face.

'Nah thanks.' You said, pulling his hands off of you.

'Come on since when have you said no to me? You've come here dressed like that expecting me not to want you?' He laughed, pulling you in for a hug.

'Fuck off Alex.' You said, trying to get him off of you, he was always a bigger dickhead when he was drunk.

'I'm just joking Y/n, come on it'll be like old times?' He smirked.

He was removed from you with immediate force, making you look up to see Trent listening in on the whole thing, who was currently holding Alex by his jacket, pushing him off aggressively onto the sofa.

'Come on.' Ushered Trent, dangling his keys as you both left, leaving Alex bewildered.

You were grateful for Trent at that time, and it had become a recurring theme for him to save you, aware you needed to give him more credit.

'Thank you.' You said, seating yourself into his passenger seat, buckling your seatbelt, watching as Trent remained focused on the road, thankful it was only a short drive back to yours.

'That's how you know him then? You used to be together?' He asked.

'It was never anything serious.' You confirmed, as your Adele playlist began to automatically play from Trent's phone.

‘It never is with him.’ He said.

'Wow. Huge fan of my playlist aren't you?' You joked.

'Nah, huge fan of Adele though.' He laughed, whilst you both discussed her music, with him telling you he saw her in concert recently.

You both couldn't help but sing along, mocking each others' singing voices, finding yourself at a red light, faces inches apart.

You wondered if he was going to kiss you, and you hesitated to make the first move, but ended up acting on your instinct and went for it, pulling him in for a kiss, one which lasted the entirety of the stop before you nudged him as the light turned yellow - leaving him to frustratedly pull away from your lips, turning his last few corners to get to your house.

'Are you trying to seduce me?' He asked, as you had your hand on his lap, pulling up to your drive.

'Is it working?' You asked, unbuckling your seat belt to leave his car, inviting him inside with you.

As soon as you both entered you made a run for the stairs, if you were going to sleep with him in your uncle's house you sure as hell weren't going to do it in your living room.

He followed you to your bedroom, where you instantly pushed for him to take his shirt off, revealing his toned body which towered over you as he gently placed you on the bed, all whilst remaining in a kiss.

You reached for his belt, taking your sweet time to unbuckle it and leave him to take his jeans off, watching as his length stood up as soon as you made contact with it.

You traced your hands over his boxers, lightly palming him over them, looking up occasionally to see him losing his mind already, and you hadn't even done anything yet.

Pulling your hands behind his waistband, you took his joggers off completely, allowing him to spring free and for you to work your magic, slowly taking him into your mouth.

He couldn't help but moan out in ecstasy, with a string of curse words followed by your name as you began to go faster.

'Keep doing that.' He encouraged, head back as you went to town.

You used your hands to keep yourself steady, and he slowly pushed into your mouth to help, leaving you to struggle slightly but take it happily as he came undone before you.

'You look so beautiful like that.' He observed, causing you to moan whilst he was still in your mouth, continuing to take him for some time.

'I can't hold it.' He told you, whimpering as you sucked him harder.

'I'm gonna cum Y/n.' He said, after what felt like eternity.

'Come on Trent.' You encouraged, briefly letting him out with a pop as he re entered, filling your mouth.

'You gonna let me fuck you?' He asked, getting on the bed with you as he pulled your dress off, leaving you clad in nothing but your panties.

He admired your body for a brief moment, in awe as he caressed you, kissing all over your abdomen.

He finally reached the spot, kissing over your panties, hearing you whimper from above as he hadn't even touched your skin properly yet, and you could tell it only made him cockier.

'You're already so wet over me.' He smirked, as you moaned slightly in confirmation.

Eventually he got rid of them, meeting your clit and taking it in his mouth, sucking in circles as you struggled to stay quiet.

'Please don't stop.' You begged, admiring how his tongue worked on you.

He kept going, faster this time, as you decided to forget being quiet, being fully on edge as he made you feel great, eventually allowing you to cum, which you did after moaning his name uncontrollably.

He picked you up, seating you on his lap as he encouraged you to ride him, rubbing where you were sensitive so that you could ease on to him as he entered you.

'I haven't been able to stop thinking about you like this, all worked up over me.' He smirked, watching you ride him, too caught up with how well he was stretching you out for you to reply properly, although you agreed and also couldn't stop thinking about the last time you guys did this - knowing no other guy had given it to you as well as he did.

'Just like that.' He encouraged, kissing your chest as you wailed on top of him repeatedly.

Soon he was the one unable to control himself, head tilted back as he couldn't help but groan at the way you were working him, slowly looking up mesmerised at the sight in front of him.

'You're so fucking beautiful.' He moaned, looking you up and down, his words of praise only turning you on even more.

'Trent you feel so good.' You said, eyes closed as you couldn't handle it.

'Could Alex fuck you like this?' He teased, making you shake your head repeatedly, caught off guard.

‘Could Joe?’ He added, cheekily.

‘N-no.’ You stuttered.

'Only me, you're mine.' He smirked, with both of you chasing your release again, leaning in to kiss you as you bounced before him.

'I'm almost there.' You wailed, and it was evident on his face that so was he.

'Me too baby.' He revealed, with the word baby catching you off guard, but you were too distracted to care at the moment.

'Please Trent.' You begged, at nothing in particular.

'I'm coming.' He told you, as you did too simultaneously, and one of the perks of the birth control you were taking was that you could feel him fill you from the inside.

You both stayed in that position for a while, catching your breath as you remained on top of him, looking him in his eyes before rolling over, with him quickly going to get some tissues and clean you up, before you both laid with each other a while.

'Fucking hell, that was amazing.' He said, out of breath as he lay next to you, whilst you remained silent.

'Y/n?' He asked, looking over to you.

'Yeah, yeah it was. And it's never happening again I promise.' You panted, as he chuckled.

'Yeah right.' He smirked.

'I'm serious Trent, I can't.' You said, sitting up right, handing him his jeans and his t shirt for him to change into, whilst he displayed a confused look.

'What are you doing?' He asked.

'Leave.' You ordered, standing up, leaving him still bewildered.

'Y/n..' He started, slowly putting his clothes back on.

'Just get out Trent.' You fought, tired.

'Don't be like that.'

'I'm being serious.' You mumbled, feeling bad now, aware he hadn't done anything wrong but you couldn't handle the regret you'd feel waking up next to him, no matter how right it felt going against the promise you made yourself.

'So you just brought me here to make you cum?' He scoffed, getting up to leave.

'Took a page out of your book I guess.' You said, watching as he left, only looking back once to see you, prompting you to turn away immediately, feeling too bad to look him in the eye right now.

You felt terrible, aware you were harsh and although you claimed you didn't want him to stay because you didn't want to betray yourself, you knew the real reason was so that you didn't get attached again. You couldn't handle this becoming an endless cycle where no one would win, resulting in only you hating yourself for becoming attached to someone who couldn't care less.

You lay in bed now hours later, unable to sleep, deciding to check your phone one last time, giving in when you thought about Trent again.

You: I'm sorry

Trent: Why are you still awake?

You: I can't sleep

Trent: it's not a big deal, you should get some sleep.

You: I don't want it to be like this tho

Trent: we'll talk about it tomorrow, get to bed

--------

Chapter 10 - 27/11/2022

[ace-of-zaun]

it's Father's Day so maybe: 'Silco I'm pregnant '🙏

A/N: Hohohohoho, what a cracking first request, thank you!! Apologies I didn’t manage to get this done in time for father’s day, but to be fair, everyday is father’s day with Silco ;) -elsie x

Silco x f!reader, Silco POV, 1k words, SFW

Warnings: fluff, pregnancy, angst/tension, light arguing, established relationship

Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 1.5

When Silco had started out his day on a quiet Tuesday morning, he never would have guessed that it would be the day he was going to receive such remarkably wonderful news. But the elation at your life-changing announcement had come at the expense of a rather exasperating conversation beforehand. 

He was sitting at his desk staring incredulously at you, who was curled up on the sofa in his office, a pout adorning your stoic face. 

You’d been ‘arguing’ for the past ten minutes, although Silco noted that it was not the correct word for the situation, considering he’d been doing most of the talking. He’d just told you that he needed to go to Noxus to secure an important business deal, which was admittedly a rare occurrence in his job, but not an impossibility. 

Usually, you would have immediately asked if he wanted you to do anything while he was away, or would have started to sneak little treats for him into his suitcase when he wasn’t looking. But for some strange reason, today you were being uncharacteristically difficult about the whole ordeal. And honestly, it was starting to send Silco a little bit crazy.  

“I just don’t want you to go,” you state, avoiding eye contact with him and instead choosing to play with the hem of your shirt.

“Why not?”

“I just don’t.”

Silco sighs deeply. Don’t get him wrong, he absolutely adored you, and is fairly certain he couldn’t live without you at this point. But at this particular moment in time, you were being really quite frustrating. Your short, abrupt answers made him suspect that you were being facetious on purpose and for the life of him, he couldn’t figure out why. 

He didn’t have time for this, he had too much to prepare. 

It was bad enough when Jinx didn’t want him to leave and kicked up a fuss, but now you were doing it as well? It was all too much for him. I mean, it’s not like he wouldn’t come back. He’d be utterly lost without you both. 

Silco runs his hands through his greying hair and tries to be as tender as he can when he speaks his next sentence. 

“Darling, I don’t understand. I’d only be gone for a week, I’ve been away for much longer,” he says. 

“I just don’t feel safe on my own,” is your mumbled reply. 

“You won’t be on your own, Sevika will be here.”

“I don’t want Sevika, I want you.”

Silco groans loudly and pushes his chair away from his desk, standing up in frustration. 

Unsure what to do about your seemingly baseless objections, he resorts to one of the things he does best. Monologuing. 

Silco paces back and forth behind his desk as he rants, the chair now resting up against the wall next to the window. 

“Sweetheart, we are at the very precipice of change right now, I cannot just give up the mission simply because you want me to stay here. The whole of Zaun is relying on me to build a better life for them, to fight against the oppression that Topside has suffocated us with for years, to finally force them to see us as equals. To do that I need to-”

“Silco, I’m pregnant.”

The kingpin freezes. 

Slowly, his head turns to face you and his expression is nothing short of astonished. He feels like he’s just been slapped. 

“Sil?” you say worriedly after a few moments, when he continues to just gape at you, jaw slackened. 

Broken out of his reverie, he suddenly rushes over to you, dropping to his knees in front of you where you’re perched on the sofa. 

“You are?” he asks in awe, taking your hands into his own.

“Yes,” you nod, smiling so warmly at him, he can’t help but try to match it with his own weak smile. 

“Oh, my lovely.” 

Silco pulls you forward into his arms and kisses the top of your head. 

He doesn’t think he’s ever felt this elated before. It’s like he’s floating in the clouds, far above Zaun, even higher than the skies of Piltover. 

But then, the logical part of his brain brings him crashing back down to earth. He pulls back from you and grasps your shoulders lightly, examining you carefully. 

“Are you feeling okay? Do you need bed rest? I’ll send for the doctor immediately, we need to start preparing for the baby’s arrival as soon as possible,” he begins his new rant, “And I won’t go to Noxus, I’ll advise Sevika on the business deal, and-”

The feeling of your hands gently carding through his soft hair shuts him up. 

“Shh. There’ll be time for all of that later,” you say to him softly.

Silco already knew this, but your divine revelation had only reaffirmed the undeniable fact that he loves you with all of his soul. More than he ever thought could be possible for a broken man like himself. 

“You are going to make the most wonderful mother,” he tells you ardently. 

“Even though you were already an excellent mother to Jinx, you’d only met her when she was already a child, so this time would be wholly (and perhaps overwhelmingly) different.”

But despite your natural talent in looking after the young girl, for the first time since revealing your news, you begin to look unsure. Maybe you’re more nervous than you’re letting on, Silco thinks. Always trying to be strong for him.

“You really think so?” you ask. 

“I know so.”

Silco cups your face in his hands and kisses you deeply, putting as much of his love as he possibly could into the action. 

If he was being truly honest, he had never planned to become a father to the first adopted child, let alone entertain the idea of another that would be of his own blood. But somehow, it just feels right. 

Regardless of the worry that was already lining Silco’s stomach at the thought of helping you through a pregnancy, and eventually becoming a father again, it’s miraculously soothed by the fact that he’d be going through it all with you. 

-

PART 2

[agentsquirrelsgotrobots]

"Prime, I wouldn't do this." Charlie warned, putting his hand on the holster of his tox-en knife. He had bought it from Swindle and only carried it when he thought he would use it. It was too dangerous for everyday carry.

"Where is Heatwave? He hasn't reported in." Optimus sounded angry, his plating flared and smokestacks steaming.

"He's busy sir." Chase said. "With the wedding."

"Whose wedding?" Optimus asked, a cold edge to his voice.

"My daughter and Blades." Charlie said. Optimus was shocked. "They haven't proposed yet, but it's practically set in stone.

"Literally," Chase said. "Dani's wedding rings came in yesterday, and Blades's conjunx medal has been custom ordered."

"Which means?" Charlie said, a smirk on his face.

"By Autobot code on interspecies marriage, the deployed bot must stay at a base within a visitable distance of their spouse, especially if there's additional dependents. Blades would be duty bound to stay on the nearest autobot base to Dani." Chase recited.

"We will relocate her then. Blades is needed in China." Optimus said.

"Optimus, with all due respect, that's a twelve hour one-way plane trip to and from Griffin Rock. And even if you used the ground bridge, Dani isn't fluent in Chinese or Mandarin, never mind getting a job in her field. It would require her to renounce her American passport, become fluent in both languages, pass the citizenship exam, and then the civil service exam. The process would take years, and she would have to start over in her career, retaking all the licenses exams too. She would be confined to the house, with very little access to the community before she reaches fluency." Charlie said.

Optimus sighed. "Very well. I will reassign someone else. It's been a while since I have seen my son. I still want to see a report from Heatwave by the end of the week."

Optimus transformed and drove through an open ground bridge.

"Sir, when will you tell Optimus that Heatwave is deceased?"

"When I can plan an accident to cover up the hole in his crotch. Bastard had to have the weirdest place for a subspace, didn't he. I like your new cyber matter avatar. Doc Greene worked wonders with the base design. I'm glad you added your own personal touches. Maybe later I could find out how personal?" Charlie smirked as Chase's avatar blushed.

"I would be happy to if I still feel up to it."

"If not, we will take a rain check. Your alt mode does need a bath, you know."

Chase's avatar blushed harder. "Could we keep it platonic? I really just want a quiet evening and sleep in my alt mode tonight."

"You know what? For your quick thinking, I will give you some cash and you can go to the car wash you like on main street. The one with the soft scrubbers."

Chase beamed. "Thank you, boss."

"That's alright, my siren."

[perfctvelvet]

Something Over Nothing

Zendaya/Reader

Content: ex-lovers, angst, implied cheating, smut, oral, thigh humping. 18+ only!!!

Author's note: Planning to post the Dua fic later this week! Also working on a series idea for patreon, but I'm not 100% sure about it. Anyway, enjoy!

“I don’t want to make this any more confusing than it already is.”

“How is it confusing? I think everyone would understand that we’re giving this another shot. And, if someone asks, we can just say we were taking a break.”

Y/n sighs in frustration. Zendaya has a gleam in her eyes, showing off her ardent optimism. She is 100% all in this, but Y/n isn’t sure what ‘this’ is. Yes, Zendaya was becoming present in her life again after months of not being together, but Y/n struggles to see where that equals their relationship rekindling; if anything she thought they were closer on the path to just being friends. There has never been any discussion of what they have — that is something Y/n is trying to avoid.

“That’s not a good idea,” is all she says, much to Zendaya’s frustration.

It’s going to take a while for her to budge, especially with the way things ended between them. It took her some time to simply even talk to her ex-girlfriend. Zendaya is at their once-shared apartment almost everyday now. Sometimes she cooks breakfast or dinner. She sometimes even sleeps in the same bed as Y/n when they’re both too tired after fucking each other. The lines were blurring and it’s because Y/n is allowing it which leads Zendaya to believe they’re in a better place.

Zendaya had made her favorite meal last night. The warmth between the two of them last night left her feeling hopeful about amending things. They felt like a couple in love again. She was even further emboldened to think that when Y/n invited her into her bedroom that night. There wasn’t that familiar lustful look in her eyes, instead she was inviting her in because she simply just wanted to be with her. It made Zendaya feel missed and loved. If she knew that it wasn’t a sign of them headed in a favorable direction then maybe she would’ve declined and just fell asleep on the couch.

“You never wanna talk about this! Everyone thinks something is up. My parents are asking about us — my friends too. And every time they ask I have no clue what to say to them.”

Zendaya gets real solemn and quiet, running her hand over her tired face as she sighs. Y/n has never, ever made this easy. She hates to call Y/n difficult, but it frustrates Zendaya how she’s constantly ignoring the obvious.

“Does everything we do mean nothing?” She continues.

Y/n scoffs as she begins to feel a little cornered. This is a topic Zendaya can go on and on about for hours, but Y/n struggles to entertain it.

She’s not using Zendaya like she may be implying. It’s just hard when she feels the pressure (and it’s not just coming from Zendaya) of trying to get back together. Things were very tumultuous at one point, and just because they’re both doing better now doesn’t mean she’s ready to just jump back in. Y/n can admit that she enjoys her company and still has deep feelings for her, but it’s hard when deep hurt also exists inside of her.

“It’s not just about sex. Not to sound like I have a big head, but there are plenty of people I can just sleep with.”

“Well you’re giving me whiplash! You know how I feel about you, and sex complicates things.”

The way Y/n clings onto her and cries her name while she’s fucking her allutes to there being emotions attached to sex together. Y/n is gorgeous so she could easily find someone else to see or fuck, but she’s deliberately choosing to spend time with Zendaya and sleeps with her. That has to mean something.

It means something, but Y/n isn’t ready to jump into the deep end of the pool. She’s much more comfortable letting Zendaya slowly slip back into her life. She was becoming a part of her daily routine again; making breakfast in the morning, sometimes stopping by her job for lunch, and helping her unwind in the evening. The way she lifts the small burdens off her shoulders is much more appreciated than the grand declarations of love.

“I want to give us another shot,” Zendaya admits something everyone, including Y/n, in the entire world already knows. “You still mean so much to me.”

Y/n sighs in frustration. She wonders how Zendaya must feel about having to beg for this. She feels bad because she knows it must hurt to be shut out like this. However, she’s putting herself first — and she is telling herself to take it slow.

“I just don’t want to rush into things, and I won’t. That’s where I stand and I’m not moving on it.”

Although her words would sound like rejection to others, to Zendaya it sounded like a second chance is still being considered. That means something to her.

“Okay,” she says slowly as if accepting. “Okay,” she says again.

So, where do they go from here? Continue to act like they’re together again like they have been doing for the last month or so? Or will Y/n eventually go back to icing her out?

“Well, Y/n,” she hesitates for a split second. Her mouth gets dry, knowing her next words could ruin everything. “I won’t stick around forever…I can’t.”

Zendaya has never used herself as leverage with Y/n, it was usually the other way around. Y/n was stunned by the shift of tone in her voice, nearly putting everything into perspective. Even if she means what she says (she doesn’t though), Y/n realizes that the thought of not having Zendaya around makes her heart race. She’s been linked with other women before, but she never took is seriously because she always came around despite them no longer being together. Y/n honestly doesn’t believe Zendaya will stop coming around, but the threat scares her. Zendaya could very well give up on trying to rekindle a relationship with her and it would be absolutely devastating for both of them. Having Zendaya follow her around like a little puppy was fun — she can’t lie — however, she truly loves her presence being around. She’s too stubborn to admit it, but Y/n loves her being around. Zendaya has changed since they're relationship ended and while some of her new habits are new to her, she doesn’t mind them.

“You don’t mean that,” Y/n says weakly. She hopes to the high heavens that she really doesn’t mean that.

“Maybe I do.”

Zendaya’s voice is also weak. They’re both two liars who want each other very badly.

Zendaya can understand Y/n’s hesitation to want to jump back into a relationship with her. She has been a bit eager which she can admit. It’s hard for her to discern what is real and fake; she’s not good at simply just hooking up.

“But you’re the one who wants to keep trying, you said it yourself.”

“I did, but something has to give, Y/n. This isn’t fair to either of us. I don’t want to lay down with you knowing it’s not going anywhere. You make me feel good and not just physically. I just want you to see that this still means something to me.”

Y/n didn’t intend for the conversation to go this far. Zendaya is always willing to spill her feelings though and she figures this has been bubbling under the surface for a while. All she can offer her ex is a “sorry,” but she isn’t exactly sure what she is sorry for. Zendaya accepts it anyway and gets up to go get started on dinner. Y/n really doesn’t want to be alone right now, but she is unsure how to approach it.

She follows her into the kitchen about fit minutes later. She rests against the corner just watching Zendaya where she looks distracted. The guilt is starting to sink in. All of the homemade meals she’s been eating lately were made by her ex. Zendaya always said she knew how busy Y/n was and always made sure she had something to eat after work.

“Z,” Y/n’s voice almost cracks as she speaks. Her skin grows hot in embarrassment of both her weakness and why she’s standing in the kitchen’s entrance. Zendaya turns around and looks at her with an unreadable look on her face until it becomes one of shock when Y/n says sorry again. “I don’t want to fight with you. I wanted to have a normal day with you.”

A normal day with each other.

A “normal day” for them is Y/n coming home and then spending the first 30 minutes pretending there isn’t any sexual tension between them before they cave. She just wanted today to be the same. Zendaya feels a little guilty for throwing their day off by pressing her with uncomfortable questions. So she’ll be the one to make sure the day ends like a “normal day.”

Y/n understands what’s happening when Zendaya turns the stove top off and approaches her. Their argument seems so trivial when she raps her arms around Y/n’s waist and presses their lips together. She always had a way to make Y/n melt, which always pissed Y/n off. Zendaya’s soft eyes, warm embrace, and loving touch always pissed her off. She wanted to be strong enough to withstand the affection, but it was nearly impossible.

“Y/n,” she moans her name as if she’s touched her yet. Y/n is aware of the effect she has on Zendaya, she has used it to her advantage many times before.

Y/n feels herself being lifted up and she makes things quick by hopping onto the kitchen counter. The kissing intensifies as Zendaya leans into her. Her back meets the wall causing her to groan into her mouth. The vibration drives Zendaya crazy. The existing frustration is taken out in this bruising kiss.

“You taste so sweet,” Zendaya moans before kissing Y/n again. No candy she’s had as a kid could compare to this. Zendaya can’t think of the last time she has wanted someone so bad.

The day has been so long and Y/n is just so tired of fighting. She gives into her desires, what her body craves, and her ex-girlfriend’s touch.

Her legs get thrown over Zendaya’s shoulders, and her face between her thighs heats her up. She can feel her breathing against her covered sex. Zendaya feels privileged that she’s allowed this. She kisses Y/n’s bare thigh once and then again for good luck. Her hands grip the underside of her pretty thighs.

“I’m so lucky,” she whispers, voice muffled by Y/n’s thighs, but Y/n moans regardless.

Y/n bucks her hips which causes Zendaya’s nose to press into her clit. She likes when Y/n is this eager for her because she’s always willing to oblige. Soon her panties are on the floor and her wet tongue is pressed flat against Y/n’s clit. She cries out as Zendaya spoils her sensitive nub. She thinks the kitchen might break if she grips it any harder.

Her clit rolls against her tongue before she takes it into her mouth.

“Oh my god!” Y/n’s voice cracks as she whines.

The pleasure Zendaya brings her is something she’ll never get over. She almost thrashes around from the overloading of her senses. The sound of her ex-girlfriend’s lips smacking against her pussy makes her want to cry. She’s so good at paying attention to detail, licking her in the way Y/n loves until she hears that strangled “baby, baby, baby…”

Y/n is embarrassingly close to cumming on Zendaya’s tongue. She’s sure she could go for longer like the energizer bunny, but Y/n already feels ready to tap out. Despite the death grip on her, her thighs tremble beyond control.

Zendaya’s grip slips from her thighs so two of her fingers can push into her. Her pussy engulfs her in wet warmth, making Zendaya moan. She looks up at Y/n, a gleam in her eyes, and tells Y/n not to cum just yet. Y/n throws her head back and lets out a frustrated groan. Zendaya’s fingers are hitting just the right spot; how could she not cum when it feels this good?

“You were desperate for it,” Zendaya teases. She likes seeing Y/n squirm, especially after she tried to put a wall between them. “Throw a fit when this is all you wanted.”

Her walls keep sucking Zendaya’s fingers in, making it a challenge to pump them in and out of her. Y/n’s needy body is so fun to watch as she withers away under her ex’s power.

“It’s okay baby, you can cum for me now.”

Zendaya’s ability to read her body irks Y/n to no end, but all she cares about is having her permission to cum. She gets over being embarrassed about it feeling “too soon” to cum and lets go. Zendaya kisses her thigh as Y/n creams on her fingers. Arousal seeps out through any tight space it can manage to. It feels so obscene to watch it happen up close. Zendaya leans in and licks the exposed parts of her fingers, and Y/n’s clit in the process. Y/n shivers from the feeling.

“Good girl,” Zendaya coos. Her gingers slide out and she admires how messy Y/n is, “you look so pretty like this. This pussy cums so much for me.”

Y/n was embarrassed, but it’s true. Just because they haven’t been together in a while doesn’t mean Zendaya forgot how to play her body. She remembers every single thing that sets her off. Her thighs tremble and she tries to shut them, but fails because of Zendaya’s body placed between her legs.

“Z,” she whines. She’s out of breath, but she knows Zendaya wants more out of her.

“I know baby,” she kisses her inner thigh again. “I know it’s too much, but you can take it. I love you so much, you’re such a good girl.”

Zendaya stands up, ready to press herself against Y/n, but not before unbuttoning her shirt. Underneath is a familiar white tank top. It looks like any regular tank top, but Y/n notices the shad near the shoulder which is evidence of a time when she got too carried away. She can never help herself when Zendaya is feverishly going down on her, or filling her up to the point she feels like she’s being split in half. When it just feels too good, all Y/n can do is whine for her.

“Too much,” she cries, yet she’s opening her legs again.

Zendaya’s embrace is soothing but her body is so close to Y/n’s that it has her riled up. Her comment about it being ‘too much’ begins to sound like a lie when she starts gyrating her hips. Her pussy was looking for pleasure again, so Zendaya gave it to her. She pulls Y/n close to the edge and places her leg between her thigh. Y/n instantly begins to grind against her; humping wildly. She reaches her hand down between them and begins to rub her through her pants. Her movements are sloppy and uncoordinated, but she wants to make Zendaya feel good too.

The two engage in a sloppy dance of admiration. Y/n can’t help but feel a little guilty about letting this happen. She’s strong until the very last minute where she destroys her own boundaries just for a taste of pleasure.

She would’ve suffocated in it if it wasn't for the obnoxious ringer interrupting the two of them. She whines embarrassingly loud when Zendaya pulls her leg away and she Y/n no longer feels any pressure on her clit.

“Shit.”

Zendaya is just as annoyed as Y/n when she realizes that the ringing is coming from her back pocket. She doesn’t want to answer, but with a sigh she reaches into her back pocket to see who is interrupting them. She hoped it was just someone a part of her team or a family member she wouldn’t mind sending to voicemail. However, the name on the screen made her heart race, and she knew she couldn’t miss it.

“Hey, what’s up?”

Her tone changes completely causing Y/n to become curious. She has heard Zendaya talk on the phone with family, friends, and manager so many times before that she knows what the distinction is. The way she answered the phone is reminiscent of a time where their relationship was something new.

Y/n can hear the voice on the other side of the phone, but she can’t quite make out what they’re saying. Zendaya’s face is hard to read which just agitates her even more. The feeling in the pit of her stomach makes her feel dizzy and nauseous.

“No, no, I didn’t forget I just got caught up with something.”

Something.

Zendaya had to turn away from Y/n as she spoke on the phone. She was desperate to end the call, knowing that she was in the wrong, but she was stuck. She won’t be able to face Y/n once she ends the call.

“Okay…okay…sounds good…I’ll see you soon.”

Neither of them look at each other. Y/n hops off the counter and pulls down her skirt. She feels like someone’s mistress, but it isn’t fair. She was here first, and she always will be here.

“Y/n-“

“It’s okay. You can go.”

Y/n doesn’t turn around to face her which makes Zendaya feel even worse. It’s truly both of their faults for getting themselves into this mess and playing this game, but Zendaya can’t help but feel like she bears most of the burden. She shouldn’t be seeing anyone else while trying to figure things out with Y/n.

Nothing else is said between the two as Zendaya gathers her things and Y/n lets her out the front. She’ll be back tomorrow, Y/n is sure of it, but she hopes that they can both get their shit together by then.

[mixelation]

I always love how you manage to stick ‘working in a lab’ references into your fics and posts, and as a bio student trying to figure out wtf I’m going to do after college, may I please ask what it’s like to work in one, whether at school or elsewhere? Thank you!

P.S. I love your fics, omg. Tori is the chaotic little shit I dream of being in my everyday life (though preferably without the psychotic ninjas that could, and would, kill me. Even if that builds character lol). You make every character HILARIOUS and awesome to read. And I would def read that Tobirama fic if you ever released it, love how she is falling in love cause he’s hot and cool and her soulmate while he’s like ‘omg finally another semi-logical human being within all this b.s.’. And you know what, both completely valid, I also want a hot and awesome person who is also (mostly) well-versed in logic 🥲😂.

Hmmm I'd ay working in labs can be a really variable experience! For academic labs, they're usually set up in a way where you're just in one little group of people so lab culture becomes really important. In the lab where I worked as the lab manager, everyone mostly stuck to a strict 9-to-5 schedule with not a lot of socializing, but the lab I'm in now is more chaotic with people fitting their schedules to whatever else they have going on and we try to plan more social outings.

What you actually do in lab can vary a lot too. I've always been in a position where I do a shit ton of different tasks over the course of a week (including boring stuff no one talks about like making new reagents, or quizzing everyone on what supplies they're going to use this month so I can tell the PI what I think we should order because I never fully turned off lab manager brain), but some people end up doing literally just the same thing over and over. Like if you're really good at one type of assay a lab runs a lot? You might just get put in charge of doing it for everyone's experiments, or you might have your own experiment that literally just that assay fifteen times. It really depends on the structure of the lab.

In my previous job, I did a lot of taking over experiments for short amounts of time while we recruited a new student or someone took time off, and I did a lot of prep for experiments and follow-up assays (because I was the only one who knew how to use this one machine LMAO) and never had my own project, which was kind of frustrating but ALSO I never felt super bothered when experiments didn't work. Now I do have my own projects that I run, which I like, but I feel a lot more pressure to make those project succeed. If you go into a lab as an undergraduate, you'll probably start off helping someone on a project (and doing a lot of grunt work, like autoclaving trash lol) and then get more and more independent. Depending on how that goes and what you and your PI feel is best for you, independence might mean getting your own project, or it might mean you continue on in a similar role but now you're allowed to do more and more things unsupervised.

I like lab work a lot! I get to switch up my schedule a lot, so there's not a lot of monotony across the weeks, but I will add the caveat that a lot of bench work is really, really boring. There's a lot of repetitive tasks that are just "pipet a tiny amount of liquid into another liquid; repeat and repeat and repeat." There are a lot of tasks that are technically challenging. There's a pretty bad culture of bad work-life balance (my boss is super chill with me taking random time off, but I go in on a weekends a LOT). In research, you have to get used to and comfortable with failure, because for every successful experiment there are tons of failed ones. Yes, even if you're a super smart and high achieving student-- you will mess up, you will have everything fail, and you have to just clean it up, restrategize, and keep going. The upside is that you get to figure out cool things that no one knew before......!