#Wish she was a bit more melty/goopy

[lillyosaurus]

I just think she’s a little neat a little silly hmm

[stackofstories]

Nico was on his haunches. Slowly, he stood and took in the people under the strange jolly roger.

It took everything within Nico to not scamper over to Rebecca.

A little voice in his head, the same voice that told him to dodge, alerted him to the obvious. If their unusual appearance didn't give it away these people were bad news. They had his full attention.

"Who put these brats in our way?" screamed a guy in a yellow furry jacket with SNACK written in bold black letters. "Is this the welcome we get from Joker? Mama won't be pleased if his citizens don't respect their betters." Spit accompanied each word out of his mouth. Was he always so angry? Snacks usually lifted moods.

"Yeaaaah," chorused two sets of quintuplets, or were they decuplets? It didn't matter. There were ten kids his age wearing Pepto Bismol pink. Half of them were leggy brunette girls, and the other half were beady-eyed, purple-haired boys.

The youngest of the strange group was a girl around Rebecca's age. She stuck her tongue out at Nico. Nico would have stuck his tongue out as well if it weren't for the three extremely tall people hovering around Snack, the decuplets, and the girl.

The man in the middle, if he could even be called that, looked like a half-melted ice-cream cone. His beard appeared to be made out of vanilla ice cream and his body, large and round, was made out of goopy chocolate.

To the right of the ice cream man was a woman. She was slender and wore a white, wide-brimmed hat and a pale pinstriped dress with a wine-colored sash. Nico couldn't see her face. There was an air around her that Nico didn't like. But, all of them put together weren't nearly as bad as the man completing the trio of extremely tall people.

Towering over his gang, he was the most ordinary-looking of the group. A ragged, fluffy scarf covered his mouth and he wore tight leather pants and an open leather vest. His muscled arms were folded. His eyes were an intense crimson.

Nico gulped. He wasn't sure what exactly it was about this unassuming giant of a man, but every molecule in his body told him to run in the opposite direction.

"They are of no concern to us," the man said. "We have an appointment to catch and if we miss it, that makes us late for merienda. We will not be late."

"Big Brother," they chorused and followed him. Nico read Charlotte on the man's wide and proud back as he turned around.

With each step away from him, Nico could breathe, and he found his courage.

There was no way he was going to let them get away without first apologizing. Rebecca was owed that much.

"Hey!" Nico called. "Say you're sorry for bumping into us!"

"What?" Melty hissed with a dark scowl. "You must be stupid, brat! I'll show you!" he pushed his siblings out of the way only to be stopped by the slender woman pulling her nodachi from the black scabbard hanging at her waist.

Nico's eyebrows raised. He had never seen a sword as long as hers.

"What's this, Amande?" Melty growled.

"Shirauo hungers for blood," Amande interrupted, stepping forward. "Katakuri, I will take care of this brat."

Katakuri half-turned. He inclined his head. Once more, Nico was under his unfortunate gaze. "Do what you wish," Katakuri said continuing on his way.

Melty's scowl darkened, but he did not protest. Nico was given the chance to see the back of all of them and he was relieved. If he had faced that man, Charlotte Katakuri, he was certain that he would not have survived.

His relief was short-lived. Amande took a dainty step forward and with a single slash of her sword, Nico flew backward through a wall. A brick wall.

He laid in the rubble. Dazed didn't even cover what he was feeling. Coughing up a dust cloud, he sat up and brushed the dirt and bits of brick clinging to his shoulders and clothing. So, he was a lot sturdier than he expected, which was both good and cool.

"Whoa!"

Nico tucked into a ball and rolled to the left as Amande dived forward. Her sword dug into the ground with deceptive ease. It might as well have been cake.

"That could have killed me!"

Amande's droopy fish eyes were unmoved. "You say that as if that's a bad thing. People mightier than you have been slain by my sword. You should be honored."

"Well, I'm not! I'm feeling very unhonored right now."

Dodge! pounded in Nico's head and he was doing his best to follow the single command. Sometimes, he dodged. In most of the cases, he did not. He could not. His clothing was torn with thousands of rips and he was covered in a hundred crescent cuts. Knowing when to dodge didn't help when he couldn't keep up with Amande's insane speed. If he blinked, she already surged in front of him. Smoke from her cigarette billowed in his face, her sword gleamed in the sun.

Panting, Nico was on all fours doing an awkward scuttle away from her. "If I die, I just want you to know that smoking is terrible for your lungs. It'll kill you."

Amande didn't so much as blink. She swung her sword and once more; Nico tumbled through the air into a stone building. Distantly, he heard the citizens of Carta, screaming and running away. Groaning, Nico rubbed the back of his head.

"Is this all you have to offer?" Amande asked, displeasure in her voice. "I grow tired of this cat-and-mouse game."

"You could let me go and find a better opponent?" Nico suggested.

Amande's eyes widened. "Yes, you're right," she agreed.

Nico's eyebrows knit. Amande turned away from him and she walked toward Rebecca's body. She wouldn't.

"Don't touch her!" Nico yelled.

Amande loomed over Rebecca. Her pale hands wrapped around the handle of her sword. Nico swore he heard the air sliced.

He had been behind Amande, but in his next breath, he was a barrier between her and Rebecca. Amande's sword dug under his collarbone. She twisted the sword further in. His blood draped the shining metal. Amande's expression was unchanged though her eyes brightened with sadistic joy.

She was one of those types. She liked to inflict pain for the sake of it. Nico hated her.

"You care about this girl," Amande said. "That's good. Very, very good." Leisurely, she cut into his flesh, slicing down his torso inch by torturous inch.Nico shrieked nearly choking on his spit. Stopitstopitstopit. “I won't kill you. No. I'll save that for later. I will chop the girl up limb by limb and make you watch. Then, I will kill you at the height of your agony. After all, what is the point of killing another if their life ends instantly."

"You will not touch her," Nico hissed through tears.

Amande's lips curled at the corners. She yanked the sword from him. Then she threw him aside.

Her bloodied sword rested under Rebecca's neck. "Watch me," she said. She pushed the edge in and Nico let out a chilling screech.

Over the next few days, the battle came to Nico in spurts. He remembered the knell ringing shrill in his ears.

The ground under him growled with every bloodied step he took. Any sign of greenery stubbornly poking itself through the cobblestones shriveled black, and the air was cold. Frost and shadow crept over stone, toy, and person.

Still, Amande with her long neck did not look concerned with the change. "So, you are a devil fruit user. But you are young and you will learn your place."

Nico blinked. She was in front of him. He was too slow. He flung through the air with the force of her kick and he skittered across the stones before he came to a halt.

Absently, he touched the shallow hole where Amande's stiletto heel had been and he got to his feet. She came to him and he was prepared to meet her.

He thrust his right arm in front of him, his palm was wide and open. Slowly, he made a fist.

Amande, so tall and proud, dropped to her knees and clutched her sides. Her great sword clattered at her feet. Her trembling increased tenfold, but it had nothing to do with the cold. It was her bones. Nico felt all two hundred and six bones. They were his to do with as he pleased.

"What's the matter?" Nico asked. "I thought you liked pain. Maybe I'm not doing it right. You said there was no pleasure if the pain was drawn quickly."

With every minute wiggle of his fingers, he started to crush Amande's bones into dust. He began with her baby toe, then moving onward.

"Stop this! Stop this at once!"

"You know," Nico continued, "I think I'm getting the hang of this."

There were three sounds in his ears. A bell sound, his heartbeat, and the cracking sound of Amande's bones laced with her wet, gasping begs for death.

"Kill me, please, kill me!"

Nico laughed. Death was mercy. She did not get mercy until she paid for crimes. Nico demanded justice.

His hand was halfway closed. Amande's femurs and below were no more.

"Big sister Amande!" ripped through the air.

Nico paused.

Confusion bled into the cold and dark justice coursing through Nico. He had heard the horrified, maddening tone before, but when he looked down all he saw was the baby brunette girl in her pink dress rushing to Amande's side. He did not understand why he was disappointed. This girl's large brown eyes like chocolate pudding pinned Nico to the spot as tears spilled down her chubby cheeks and forehead?

"Big sister," Nico mumbled.

Cruel Amande was a big sister?

"What are you doing here? Stupid girl, go to Katakuri!" Amande commanded as she tried to shake the girl off her side and move in front of her. "Run, I'll hold him off, just go!"

"But, Big Sister, I can help-"

Nico held his head. A low, terrible moan escaped him. The air changed. Plunging to freezing temperatures, it was heavier and it carried his desperation and anguish. He missed Bianca so much. Responding to him, the earth between his feet split open and wobbled.

The girl screamed once more and clung to her sister. It was her saving grace.

Amande was a big sister. Nico couldn't take her away, though she deserved to join the nebulous, dark space of the underworld where millions of the dead chattered in his ear ceaselessly. He walked by Amande and her sister. He kept his mouth shut only glancing at them as he stole Amande's sword.

He found Rebecca. She was under the umbrella of a shadow.

Nico gathered her and the sword in his arms. He sank into the shadow, focused on getting back to the only safe place he knew, Rebecca's cabin. He didn't question how he got there so fast.

Gently, Nico placed Rebecca on the bed. He brushed her pink hair back. There was no ringing in his ears. Rebecca was safe.

Nico blacked out.

Stuck between the waking and dream world, Nico wasn't sure what was real or how long time had passed. Toy Soldier appeared before him, his cold wooden hands tight on his shoulders and he was talking to him. Trying to be comforting and not panicked. Rebecca's name clawed up Nico's throat, but he couldn't remember how to speak.

He felt somethings crawl up his body. Little, round people with threading needles held high in the air. Then, red-hot pain. Nico thrashed as he was punctured repeatedly. He was split into two and sewed into a whole. He was tethered to the blackness and shrouded in flames.

There was Rebecca's sweet voice. She whispered a story in his ear about the king of pirates. He was the only pirate worth mentioning. The best of them. He acquired wealth, fame, and power, but he cared about none of that. He only cared about his crew and adventures. When he was captured, he went to his death with an enormous smile and a cry that sent droves of people to the seas. Regret filled Nico. Why hadn't he met the king of pirates?

There was a shadow of a freckled woman holding a crying baby.

In a glittering palace of jewels, there was a man on an obsidian throne. He was long and lean like a sword and he was pale as bleached bone. His eyes were cruel and kind by turns. There was a pulse of familiarity attached to the man. Where had Nico seen him before? He tried hard to remember. Who are you? He wasn't able to ask.

It's not time yet.

It was the last push he needed.

Nico's eyes opened, and he inhaled.

[ducktracy]

35. the queen was in the parlor (1932)

release date: july 9th, 1932

series: merrie melodies

director: rudolf ising

starring: n/a

another cartoon with goopy geer! the last merrie melody, moonlight for two, DID star goopy geer, but i was hesitant to say so, unsure of whether it was just a lookalike, but the fact that he’s in this merrie melody leads me to believe that he was a bit of an entity for awhile. as the title suggests, the king returns to his castle to find his queen in the parlor, refusing to see anyone else.

as all good cartoons do, this one opens with a swaggering king atop his mule, greeted to thunderous applause as he steps off and marches down the aisle, eating up the attention.

quickly he grows tired of the “long live the king!” chants, snarling “but where’s the queen?” a group of knights whisper “the queen!” to each other down the line (imagine “hermie doesn’t want to make toys” from the rudolph special. it’s basically that), including a stereotypical jewish king at the end of the line. that certainly didn’t age well and makes me cringe as i watch it, but i digress.

a group of squires launch into a call and response rendition of “the queen was in the parlor”, the king providing various interjections throughout. love the barbershop harmonies as always! gags including a mouse popping out of a knight’s helmet to interject a verse, and a dog (an actual dog) clad in armor itches itself through the armor and lets out a bunch of fleas that have been hiding.

look at the personality in that walk! you know me, i’m all about my walk cycles and how they’re great indicators of personality when executed properly. great example of a prideful, no-nonsense and ultimately hard-to-take-seriously walk! the king marches into the castle to see what the fuss is about.

it turns out the queen WAS in the parlor! who would’ve guessed? she’s knitting away at a sock, while the poodle from the goopy geer cartoons (and freddy the freshman) is riveting away at a suit of armor. the king enters as his throne takes a life of its own and scuttles up to him, ready to be sat on in an act of servitude.

the king summons his jester, who is none other than goopy geer. again, another great walk cycle! unfortunately, it doesn’t say too much about his personality: it seems he adapts to whatever setting he’s in, whether he’s a lounge piano player, a redneck, or a jester. gotta give him credit on his versatility, though!

goopy provides a few bars about the king (old king cole), who “called for his crooners three!” the dog on his jester stick(?) says “crosby, columbo, and vallee!”,

which prompts the rudy vallee caricature from crosby, columbo, and vallee to pop out of a jack in the box and sing “for you”. i love my caricatures, so i find this particularly amusing, especially when old king cole hits rudy on the head and gripes “I’D RATHER HEAR AMOS N’ ANDY!”, a reference to the popular radio comedy show hosted by freeman gosden (amos) and charles corell (andy). unfortunately, as you can probably guess, the comedy show was a minstrel show—but it was adapted to television in 1951 where actual black actors took the stage. you learn something everyday! even though i was oblivious to what amos ‘n andy was until a google search later, the delivery is spot on and the joke hits just as well. i’m loving this bastard of a king—finally, personality!

after a brief impression of amos ‘n andy (again, this aged poorly), goopy skips down through the parlor, pressing his ear to a door. a dog, doing an impression of tony wons, asks “are ya listenin’?” he raises his fist and asks “HMMM?” to which goopy stammers “yeah, i’m walter winchell”, referring to newspaper columnist and radio commentator walter winchell, known for trading gossip around. a few alcohol bottles explode and goopy runs towards the camera, yelling “OKAY, CHICAGO!”, another reference to winchell. even though these icons aren’t at all relevant or known today, these jokes still fascinate me and i can only imagine how funny they were to a relevant audience!

we have our standard merrie melodies dancing interlude, with goopy dancing around and bouncing his feet off of a few spittoons. fun synchronization as always! there’s also a shot of a cat (the one from it’s got me again!) hunting a mouse, but getting scared off once the mouse emerges from its hole, clad in armor.

once more, the villain enters! he slams the door in the face of the fan-faring trumpeter, who blows out a few notes (sounding like a car horn) on his crinkled horn. the trademark “harman-ising flameball spit” comes into play once the villain spits on a suit of armor, reducing it to nothing but bones.

the poodle girl who was riveting a suit of armor is singing, and the villain advances on her, ready to kidnap. he runs off with her captive, but goopy swoops in to save the day.

spittoons, flaming spit, villains, damsels in distress, all of the essentials to a harman-ising produced cartoon all in one! sword fights can also be added to that list as goopy and the kidnapper engage in combat. goopy momentarily gets thrown into a cabinet, the crash forming a suit of armor made of pots and pans. goopy charges are the villain, who swings at him. now, a stuffed goat’s head falls on goopy.

in the manner of a goat, goopy rams into the villain, forcing his armor to break. the villain is exposed in his long underwear, and in some delightful, melty, rubber hose goodness, he mixes the shrapnel in a cocktail shaker (just like bosko in ups ‘n downs) and pours himself a brand new suit of armor, iris out as he runs for the hills.

as for as merrie melodies go, this one wasn’t half bad! the highlight of the short was definitely old king cole. i love him! i wish he had a bigger role in the short, he’s oozing with personality and all sorts of great possibilities. no offense to goopy, but he doesn’t do much for me. he’s pretty bland and lacking in personality, maybe even moreso than foxy and piggy. he comes off as more of a plot vehicle than a standalone character. i enjoyed the celebrity references—i learned some interesting new information today (though goopy talking in a minstrel dialect doesn’t age well at all, even for a quick joke, and the jewish knight joke is in extremely poor taste). there are better merrie melodies out there, but there are worse ones, too. i’d give it a watch, just because the king amuses me so much, but it wouldn’t be a crime if you skipped it this time.

link!