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sjsmith56 · 2 months

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You’ll Never Know

Summary: Non-canon one shot. Bucky meets a Wren on his arrival in Liverpool in June, 1943. This is their story, told in flashback by post-FATWS Bucky.

Length: 5.8 K

Characters: Bucky Barnes, named OFC, Sam Wilson, Steve Rogers, named OMC.

Warnings: Flirty Bucky, jealousy, Bucky dealing with his first HYDRA experience, anxiety.

Author’s notes: See after the story for more to avoid spoilers. Growing up in a family with British veterans of WW2, I was exposed to much of the music of the time. Vera Lynn was a national treasure to the British. You'll Never Know, sung by Vera Lynn. Words and music by Jean Miles, Paul Robi and Tony Williams. https://youtu.be/JZtWNlCTc6o?si=b8CQJx98_JmY5rvz. Dividers from vecteezy.com.

There was always a certain level of anxiety present whenever Bucky had to wait for something. Perhaps it was because of all those years of being forced to be silent and still while he waited for a target to enter the cross hairs. Or maybe it was just his thoughts overwhelming him and the nervous tics manifesting physically; the sniff of his nose, the intense stare followed by the pulse of muscle in his cheek, or the intense scrutiny of his hands. It was obvious to Sam that as the private jet got closer to England that Bucky might be reaching the point where he would change his mind about this meeting.

"Tell me about her," he said, to the man who had become his friend. Bucky glared at him, knowing damn well that Sam knew about Helen, as it had been reported in every fucking newspaper in the United States and England since the news about him and her went public. Sam shook his head and leaned forward, fixing Bucky in his gaze. "No, I mean, tell me more than what I've read about."

The former Winter Soldier sighed and looked out the window of the jet. He thought back all those years to when his ship landed in Liverpool, at the end of June 1943, disgorging the thousands of American soldiers it carried, into that port, where trucks were waiting to distribute the arriving men to various bases, waiting for the next leg of their journey to the front. He looked Sam in the eye, noticing a serious demeanour rather than his usual joking manner. He nodded, then began talking.

It was raining the day the Americans arrived, not a pouring rain but a soft drizzle that slowly soaked everything it came into contact with. Helen Fletcher, a Wren Clerk in the Women's Royal Naval Service, was waiting beside one of several trucks with a clipboard of names of the soldiers who were being transported to Sefton, a small village on the Merseyside, northwest of Liverpool proper. Even with her raincoat on and holding an umbrella over her head, she was soaked. These men were only going to be at the base for a few days before boarding another transport ship that would take them elsewhere, as their destination was classified. Given the rumours going around it was likely they were heading to Sicily, as part of the invasion force of Italy, but Helen knew better than to share that information. The driver of the truck nearest to her put up a sandwich board on the bonnet, high enough for the men of the 107th Infantry to see they had to check in with her. As the steady stream of men disembarked in the drizzle, other clerks in front of their trucks checked in the soldiers for their dispersal to other bases, some of them being driven directly to the train station to transport the men deeper into the heart of England. It was strange how Helen would always remember hearing the opening lines of You'll Never Know at that exact moment, blaring from a speaker that was broadcasting a steady stream of music.

You'll never know just how much I miss you

You'll never know just how much I care

And if I tried, I still couldn't hide my love for you

You ought to know, for haven't I told you so

A million or more times?

"Barnes, James Buchanan, Sergeant, 107th Infantry," drawled a noticeable Brooklyn accent.

She looked up to see the bluest eyes she had ever seen in the middle of an incredibly handsome face. He seemed taken aback by her as well, as a soft grin appeared on his face.

"Do you need my serial number, phone number, date of birth, marital status or ...?"

She smiled at him, then returned her attention back to the task at hand.

"Thank you, Sergeant, no." She gestured to the trucks behind her. "If you'll just board a truck marked as heading to Sefton that would be acceptable."

"Hey, I know this song," he said, turning his head towards the speaker. "Alice Faye sang it in a movie. I didn't know it was out as a record."

"It's Vera Lynn," she answered. She looked at the next man in line.

"That's Johnson, Martin Frederick, Private, 107th Infantry," said Bucky, before the man could speak. "Board one of the trucks marked for Sefton, Johnson." Helen looked at him with some disbelief. "Just tryin' to help ma'am. I know all these jokers. Some of them aren't to be trusted around a pretty lady like yourself."

"And you are to be trusted, I presume?" She awkwardly checked off Johnson's name then levelled a cool look at Bucky.

"Very much so," he smiled. He looked at the umbrella and gently took it from her, freeing up her hands so she could check off the names on her list. "How should I address you, ma'am?"

"Wren Clerk Fletcher," she answered, with her position pronounced in British fashion, sounding similar to clark, instead of the American clerk.

Of course, he mistook her pronunciation as Clark-Fletcher. "Wren, that's a pretty name."

"It's part of my rank, Sergeant. I'm a clerk in the Women's Royal Naval Service, Wren's for short. Now, if you'll let me continue doing my job."

He smirked a little, then identified the next man in line, and everyone else that was waiting to check in. The whole time he kept her entertained with comments and observations about different things, while asking questions about the entertainment options available in Sefton. She tried to keep her responses professional, especially when her supervisor, Leading Wren Clerk Fotheringham, came to check on her progress, but he was so damn charming, it was difficult. Finally, they had the last man checked in and her driver stowed the sandwich board away, then helped her into the passenger seat of the truck cab, before he took his place behind the steering wheel. He looked behind them towards the back section of the truck and smirked.

"He's looking at you."

She turned around to see Sergeant Barnes grinning at her from a gap in the canvas cover of the truck. Smiling slightly back at him, she faced forward.

"Just get us there and give me a head start to get to the clerk's office." She shook her head. "Yanks."

Fortunately, for her, but not for the sergeant, the 107th were ordered to muster in formation at their arrival at the base, where their commanding officer read them into the rules that would govern their behaviour while they were guests of the British Armed Forces. They had liberty that first evening but would be confined to base after that until the next leg of their transportation had been arranged. Helen went straight to the clerk's offices to hand in her list of soldiers and peel off her wet raincoat. As she was still on duty, she and several other of her fellow Wrens performed some filing duties and caught up on their typing. It was almost 6 pm when she finished, and she met another couple of Wrens to walk to their barracks together, the rain having finally dissipated.

"Wren Clerk Fletcher!"

She turned and groaned slightly at the sight of the American sergeant, who had been leaning against the building across from the entrance to the clerk's offices. He stamped out a cigarette and strode towards her with a big grin on his face.

"Sergeant," she answered then waited to hear what came out of his mouth.

"Do you have plans this evening?" She had to give him credit for being direct.

"Repairing some stockings," she replied, frankly. "Or maybe I'll wash out my underwear and hang it up to dry."

He laughed out loud. "You sounded like one of my sisters just then. I've grown up with torn stockings, underwear hanging up in the bathroom, curling irons, and all sorts of talk that would make other men blush." His face grew serious. "But I'm not other men. I just wanted to know if you would join me for a drink at a local establishment. It would be my first experience in a British pub, and I would like to walk in with a pretty girl."

"I really shouldn't fraternize with you," she said, frankly. "We've been warned about some assumptions you Americans have about us."

He placed his hand over his heart, giving her a wounded expression. "I assure you that I will be a complete gentleman. Please, let me buy you a drink."

It would have been easier to turn him down if he weren't so easy on the eyes and if he didn't have such confidence. But she also knew some of the other women were interested in meeting up with some of the Americans and the last thing she wanted to hear was that someone else had snagged the handsome sergeant. Despite herself, she was still a woman.

"Very well. Meet me at the gate at 7:15. It's a short walk to the nearest pub, although I expect it will be quite busy."

There was a radio in the barracks and once again it was playing, You'll Never Know. Bucky hummed along as he shaved in the communal washroom, taking extra care to get every last bit of stubble off his cheeks. When it got to the second verse of the song, he sang along to it.

You went away and my heart went with you

I speak your name in my every prayer

If there is some other way to prove that I love you

I swear I don't know how

You'll never know if you don't know now

"Who's the object of your attention this time, Sarge?" asked Johnson. "That Wren clerk? She's a looker, but she doesn't look like your usual type."

"She's a dame," answered Bucky. "They're all my type."

There were grins from the others at his assurance in handling women. Satisfied with his shaving job, he patted on some aftershave, then gathered his kit together and headed towards his bunk. He dressed in his service uniform, thinking it would be the last time he would look this good. They would be training for the next two days at least, wearing their combat gear. During the next sea journey, they would be wearing their fatigues. After that, who knew? Finishing off his tie, he tucked it into his shirt, making sure the edges were crisp. He checked to make sure he had his cigarettes, a couple of rubbers, and his money. The paymaster had paid them on the ship just prior to their arrival in Liverpool, paying them a combination of American dollars and British pounds. Most of the men, Bucky included, had signed for most of the American money to be sent home to their families. Still, he was sure he had enough to pay for drinks for himself and Wren Clerk Fletcher. With a last patting of his pockets, he headed out of the barracks towards the main gate.

He was surprised to see Fletcher already there, wearing civilian clothing, a blue dress with navy trim, and carrying a white sweater. Her legs were bare but at least they looked better than the dark stockings she wore with her uniform. She did smile when they made eye contact.

"You look handsome, Sergeant," she said. "Much nicer than your fatigues."

"Call me Bucky," he said. "You look nice as well. That colour suits you."

"Thank you. My name is Helen."

They walked out of the gate together, as he followed her lead to the pub. Other couples were also walking together, mostly British, although it appeared a few of the Americans had banded together to enjoy a night of liberty after a week on the ocean. The first pub they arrived at had a lineup out the door, so they kept walking, passing by several until they found one that had room. Finding a booth inside, they shared the same bench and he asked for her preference.

"Gin and tonic," she said. "I should warn you that the beer is warm. Most Americans don't seem to like it but it's what we're used to."

"I don't drink much beer," replied Bucky. "Whiskey is my drink." A bar man came over and Bucky ordered for both of them. He turned to look at her. "So, Helen Fletcher; tell me about yourself. Are you from here?"

"No, I'm from the south of England, Sussex. My family have been in the Navy for generations so when the opportunity arose, I enlisted in the Navy as well. It's been clerical work, mostly, although I've put in for a transfer to a different position, which I'm not at liberty to talk about. What about you, Sergeant ... sorry, Bucky."

"I'm from Brooklyn, part of New York City." Their drinks came and he offered the bar man his money. The man waved it off, saying to pay it before he left. With a smile, he lifted his glass to Helen. "To your good health. I worked on the docks, was a boxer, and was in art school for technical drawing when Japan bombed Pearl Harbor. I'm the oldest of four, the others are sisters, as I told you earlier."

He fished his wallet out of his pocket and withdrew a picture of him with his mother and sisters. She watched his face as he smiled softly at the photograph, obviously missing his family already. Placing it carefully back inside he smiled shyly at her, and she realized she had just seen the real man behind the confident mask.

"Tell me about Brooklyn and New York," she said. "I grew up near Southampton and there were always ships going there."

"It's always on," he began. "It doesn't sleep, even when it's quiet there's something always going on somewhere. On the docks, there are ships being loaded and unloaded, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I go out to the clubs, as I enjoy jazz and dancing. If I had more time, I would have liked to take you dancing."

"I would have liked that," she answered. "Your father ... is he in the picture?"

"He died. I quit school at 16 to support the family, which is how I ended up at the docks as it paid the best." He shrugged. "I wanted to go to college, maybe take engineering or architecture, but it's hard to do when you're pinching pennies to keep your family fed and clothed."

She squeezed his hand and smiled kindly at him. They talked about many things, laughing when it was funny, and commiserating when it wasn't. After he paid for their drinks, they walked back to the base in the dark, with Helen using her shielded torch to light the path through the blackout. Before they got to the gate, Bucky stopped and ran his hand down her arm before he kissed her. It was a good kiss and Helen kissed him back. Then they had to run for the gate to check in before curfew. Even though he didn't have liberty the next few days while waiting for their next embarkation, they met in the base mess hall, for coffee in the evenings. Sometimes, they sat on a bench and just talked. Then his orders came through and he didn't have to tell her because she already knew that the Americans were shipping out early the next morning. They sat on one of those benches, holding hands and although they wanted each other, they both knew there was no way to have enough privacy to satisfy their desires. When Bucky walked Helen to her barracks before lights out, he looked at her in the darkness, and touched her cheek.

"I have to believe that I'll see you again, some day," he said gently. "You have my mailing address for the unit. Drop me a line every so often so that I know you're missing me."

"I will miss you, Bucky," she answered, her voice wavering a little. "You're not an easy man to forget."

Their kiss goodbye was passionate and filled with the type of longing that neither had ever felt before. Then they parted and she entered her barracks, leaving him in the dark before he made his way back to his unit.

As he finished telling Sam about those first few days, Bucky knew that was when he fell in love with Helen Fletcher. Even though she was obviously from a higher social status than he was, she never made him feel like he was anything lesser than herself. She was funny, independent, self-assured, and unlike any dame he had ever met. Once he got to know her she was no dame; she was a lady. The flight attendant arrived with some food for them and asked if they wanted something stronger than coffee to drink. They both chose scotch. The meal was great and when the dishes were cleared, they leaned back in their seats and sipped the Macallan scotch that apparently was standard offering on this private jet.

"So, you obviously saw her again," said Sam. "When was that?"

"After Steve rescued me from the HYDRA factory," replied Bucky. "I was in rough shape since I was hiding what Zola did to me. My nerves were on edge and no matter how much I drank, I couldn't get drunk. But I agreed to join the Howling Commandos and we were at the pub. Peggy Carter came in, wearing a killer red dress that stopped conversation. She ignored me. Steve was always her guy. Then she left and we started some serious drinking, until another lady came in, with an escort, an officer. It was Helen."

The conversation stopped in the pub for a second time and Bucky glanced towards the doorway into the snug, hearing the sound of footsteps approaching. A British officer was escorting a woman in a Wren's uniform, and Bucky straightened up when he realized the Wren was Helen. Steve noticed where Bucky was looking and turned to see, then turned back.

"You know her?"

"Yeah, I do," said Bucky. "Excuse me."

He finished his drink and walked towards the table where the barman was taking the couple's order. When he moved aside, Helen saw Bucky and her eyes widened before she stood up and wrapped her arms around him.

"Bucky, I thought you were MIA," she cried, as she looked critically at him. "The last letter I sent to you was returned with that marked on the envelope. How did you get back?"

"Rescued by that guy over there," he said, pointing at Steve. Then he looked at her date. "Who is this?"

The man stood up and offered Bucky his hand. "Lieutenant Edward Elliot," he said. "I work with Wren Clerk Leader Fletcher. We're just friends, I assure you. Please join us ... your friend as well. It would be an honour to buy you both a drink."

Bucky waved Steve over and they slid into the horseshoe shaped booth, with Bucky and Helen sitting next to each other. Elliot found out what they were drinking and ordered from the barman when he brought the original order over. It was obvious that whatever Bucky thought was happening between Helen and Elliot wasn't as she couldn't keep her eyes off of him. When the other drinks arrived, Elliot raised his glass.

"Here's to Captain Steve Rogers and his daring rescue of the prisoners in Austria," he said. "I say, well done Captain. You showed a lot of initiative in your actions."

They all sipped their drinks and Helen looked at Steve, offering him her hand. "Since Bucky seems to be a little tongue tied at the moment, I'll introduce myself, Helen Fletcher. We met in Liverpool when the 107th disembarked after their trip from New York. Bucky, you did receive my letters before you were captured, didn't you?"

"A few," he said. "Missed the news about your promotion."

"Well, I am a Wren Clerk Leader now. I still can't tell you where I'm working but it's closer to London than Liverpool was, that's for certain." Elliot frowned a little. "Edward, don't be upset. After what these gentlemen accomplished, I'm sure they'll be showing up at our offices soon." She looked at Bucky. "Were you mistreated during your captivity?"

He barely smiled, then nodded. "I'd rather not talk about it. I'm here now, and that's what's important, right?"

"Of course," she answered. "Do you have liberty coming to you? I have a few days and I would love to see you."

"He has a few days," said Steve. "I'm sure he would like to catch up with you. Three day pass sound alright?"

"Don't we have training?" asked Bucky.

"I think that will wait while you all recuperate." Steve nodded at Helen. "Some things are more important than training."

He wasn't about to argue with Steve in front of Helen, but he did back at the base. It didn't make sense to Steve that Bucky didn't jump at the opportunity to see her. He had to push his friend quite hard to get the real reason for his reluctance.

"You saw him," said Bucky. "Handsome lieutenant, obviously at her social status. What do I have to offer someone like her, compared to him? It's better I don't pursue it."

"That's bullshit," said Steve, holding out the pass that he approved. "You know she only had eyes for you and Elliot wasn't bothered by that at all. For God's sake, Bucky. Take a fucking chance on love, will ya?"

"Language, Captain," grinned Bucky. "You kiss your mother with that mouth?"

"No, I don't. That was a terrible thing to say to an orphan."

Bucky rolled his eyes, but he accepted the pass and packed a valise for the next three days. He phoned the number that Helen gave him and made arrangements to meet her at the train station before they went to a friend's flat who was going away to Bath for several days. They would be alone. That night, as he tried to sleep, he had doubts but he was also excited at the prospect of seeing her again and actually being with her. Perhaps, that would help him deal with what he went through in Austria.

The following day, he took a train into London, getting off at the station she mentioned. When he got up to the street level, she was waiting for him, wearing a green dress and an overcoat, since it was a cold November day. Taking his arm, she led him to the flat, a short walk away. Unlocking the door, she stepped inside and waited for him to join her. When she first mentioned the flat, he thought it would be a small place, like what he would find in Brooklyn. It was big, with large windows, that had shutters and blackout curtains. There was a sitting room, dining area, kitchen, bathroom and two bedrooms. As she hung up her overcoat and removed her galoshes, she stood in the middle of the sitting room, waiting for him to come in further. He smiled at her but still seemed uncomfortable.

"It's a nice place," he murmured. "Certainly, nicer than I was expecting." He looked to the two bedrooms. "Which one is mine?"

"I was hoping we would share," she said. "When we last saw each other it was something we wanted. Do you not feel the same about me?"

He swallowed. "I don't know if I'm worth ...." By the look on her face, it wasn't something she wanted to hear. "How serious are you and Lieutenant Elliot? I don't want to come between you."

"You think we're together?" She chuckled. "I'm not his type." He looked blankly at her. "Edward doesn't like women, other than as friends. We enjoy each other's company, but you don't have to worry about him."

"He's ....?" Bucky couldn't bring himself to say it.

"You can't tell anyone, or he could face a court martial even though he's vital to the war effort. Now, would you come over here and kiss me like you did when we said goodbye in Liverpool?"

He crossed the room faster than he had ever moved before and wrapped her in his arms as he kissed her deeply. It led to the bedroom and for the first time, they shared more than a kiss. Bucky had to go back to his bag for a rubber and stopped to turn on the radio so the music would drown out the sounds of their lovemaking. He almost laughed out loud when You'll Never Know came on. It was definitely their song.

(You went away and my heart went with you

I speak your name in my every prayer)

If there is some other way to prove that I love you

I swear I don't know how.

You'll never know if you don't know now

They laid in the rumpled bedclothes afterwards, with the afternoon sun shining on them, as they faced each other. Bucky played with Helen's hair as he gazed at her face. She noticed some marks on his chest and touched them gently.

"What happened?" He swallowed and looked away for a moment. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but I'll listen and perhaps that will help."

"You can't tell Steve," he said. "He'll look at me as if I'm different and I couldn't stand that."

"Alright, it will be between us."

"I was tortured by HYDRA in that Austrian factory. They cut me open as part of a medical experiment. There was a doctor, Zola, who was ...."

He shook his head and Helen kissed him, then held him in her arms as he buried his face in her neck. It was the only time he would ever speak of what he went through. She never told a soul.

The next three days were spent exploring London, as Helen showed him the city, having been there many times. They visited the parks, Buckingham Palace, and even several museums. The evenings at the flat were for listening to and dancing to music, then making love for hours, as Bucky showed he had great stamina in that area. On the day of his return to base she walked him to the train station, and they stood outside the gate, gazing at each other before he picked his valise up and showed his ticket to enter the platform. She watched him until he was out of sight, then returned to the flat, getting dressed in her uniform for her return to Bletchley Park, where she was part of the contingent that operated the Colossus computers used to break the Axis codes and cyphers. Elliot, the officer in charge of the support staff in the Colossus room asked if she had a good rest and she just smiled then said she hardly slept a wink.

Whenever Bucky was back in London she would try to get leave at the same time. Usually, she managed but it wasn't always possible. Still, they counted all the time they had together as precious. For over a year, when they were together, they were inseparable, except for their work. After Christmas together, in 1944, Bucky made the decision to ask her to marry him. He almost did it then, but Helen was a bit under the weather with a stomach ailment, and he decided to wait for the new year, when she felt up to celebrating with him.

The Howling Commandos were called to a mission in Austria, as they were closing in on Red Skull, Johann Schmidt's location. A train, rumoured to transport Dr. Zola between HYDRA bases, was expected to travel a vulnerable section where an attack could be made on it. All it needed was three men to zip line onto the top of the speeding train, break inside, take control and arrest Zola for interrogation. Colonel Phillips was certain that Zola would give up the main base where Red Skull had most of his operations.

"That's where you fell, wasn't it?" asked Sam. "Damn. It was a secret mission, so she didn't even know where you going?"

Bucky nodded his head. "Just like I didn't know she was in Bletchley Park. All of the mail we exchanged went to a post office box. When Steve got back and tried to find her to tell her what happened, he was shut out. Peggy pulled some strings and was able to get a message to Helen to contact Steve. He told me on the trip to Siberia after Leipzig that it was the hardest thing he ever did, telling her I was dead. She just collapsed and he caught her before she hit the floor. He had to phone Edward Elliot to come for her. He promised to look after her. They got married a month later."

"Wait a minute, he was gay, right?"

Bucky nodded. "But he was her friend, and she was pregnant with my baby. It saved her reputation, and it sheltered him from any accusations of being gay. Remember it was illegal in England then. He could have been arrested, faced a court martial and imprisoned. They stayed married for over 50 years until she died. When he died, my son found the box with all the letters between us, including the one she wrote telling me about being pregnant that was returned because I was KIA. There was also a letter from Edward telling him about me being the Winter Soldier. That was after I fought Steve on the helicarrier and my identity was reported. He kept it quiet, until ... well, you know the rest."

"You didn't have to agree to making it public," said Sam.

"I know, but I grew up in a neighbourhood where some people found out that their moms were really their grandmothers or aunts. Some of them were my friends and it affected them, that the times were so much against single mothers that their families found it necessary to hide the truth. Hiding the truth kept me a prisoner for 70 years, Sam. Acknowledging James Elliot as my biological son was the right thing to do. His real dad was Edward and by all accounts he was a great dad. They adopted two more kids, and they'll be there as well. It's closure for them and for me."

"Well, I think it's a brave thing that you're doing, Buck," said Sam. "I respect the hell out of you for taking this step."

They landed at Heathrow an hour later, and were picked up by a limousine. Their hotel was beautiful. Given a two-bedroom suite that looked out over the Thames, it was an impressive sight for both men when they stood on the balcony taking in the cityscape.

The following morning the BBC liaison phoned to say that the Elliots were arriving at the hotel by 10 am. The private meeting with them was scheduled for 10:30. Lunch would be served then the interviews would begin at 2 pm. Bucky wore dress pants, an open necked shirt, and a sports jacket. He didn't wear his gloves, deciding to openly display his vibranium hand. As the time approached Sam reminded him to practice some grounding exercises as he could tell Bucky was anxious. Then they were called down to the private meeting room, and were introduced to the BBC film crew, who were set up next door while Bucky met his son and son's family for the first time. It would be filmed from a respectful distance.

Then the door opened and the Elliots came in. Bucky could barely breathe as he saw his son, James, a man of 80 years of age, who looked 60. He had greying hair, but his eyes were as blue as Bucky's, and they shared the same jaw, same cleft in the chin and same build. With glassy eyes, he approached Bucky and stood before him, studying the man who fathered him in late 1944. As they hugged, Bucky felt the sobs bursting out of James and he rubbed his back.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you," he murmured. "I loved your mother very much and wanted to marry her. I never knew about you."

"I know," he answered as he stood back and pulled a handkerchief from his pocket. "She loved you so much, too. You falling from the train almost killed her but Dad, he was there for her."

"Edward was a good man and I'm glad he took care of her and of you," said Bucky. He pulled his own handkerchief out and dabbed at his eyes. Then he looked at the others. "Now, introduce me to my grandchildren and great grandchildren, and your siblings."

The introductions were made, then Sam took pictures of them for Bucky. James' son Alan carried a box in, and they opened it on the coffee table. It contained all the letters Bucky wrote her, as well as the returned letters from when he was MIA, then KIA. There was also a photo album and Bucky almost cried again when he saw there were pictures of him and Helen together, then pictures of her, Edward, and the family as they grew up. They appeared to be a family full of love and respect.

There were so many questions on both sides that were traded back and forth before they were served lunch. It was obvious by James' youthful appearance that he had inherited some of the super soldier qualities, as he told them about the excellent health he enjoyed, slowed aging, and stamina. But he wasn't as strong as Bucky, or as quick. Nor did he have his visual and hearing abilities. Officially, if they were asked the question, the answer was that he and his family enjoyed good health and nothing more.

Before they switched to the set-up studio for the interview they asked Bucky about the song, as their mother sang it often, saying it reminded her of an old boyfriend. He brought it up on his cell phone playlist and told them how it was playing on the Liverpool docks when he first met her, when he shaved for their first date, and how it was playing on the radio the first time they made love. When the interview was aired, they played the song in its entirety as part of the closing credits that showed the images of a young American sergeant with his British Wren girlfriend. It could have been portrayed as a tragedy. Instead, the story was one of enduring love during a time when no one could be sure of their loved ones returning from the war. On the flight back to New York three days later, Bucky slept the entire way, dreaming of the woman he loved so much.

You'll never know if you don't know now.

More author’s notes: This non-canon story of WW2 Bucky falling in love with a British woman was prompted by the thought of what Bucky would do if he found out he fathered a child during the war. I like to think that he would step up as certainly that was how he was likely raised. Splitting the story into him dealing with his anxiety over meeting his son and his flashbacks of meeting and falling in love with Helen allowed Bucky to get closure on a part of his previous life. The character of Edward Elliot is a tribute to the many gay and lesbian citizens who joined the war effort, even knowing that if they were found out, it would mean court martial and imprisonment. Alan Elliot, Bucky's grandson was named after Alan Turing, influential in the computer work at Bletchley Park that broke the secret German codes. Prosecuted as a homosexual in 1952 he died in disgrace but was formally pardoned in 2009 and is now regarded as one of the founders of the computer age.

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