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warrior-angel · 2 years

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NOT THE ONLY ONE.

Author: @warrior-angel

Word Count: 3.3K

Warnings: Fluff, Angst. Flashbacks, Child Abandonment. Female insert. Use of Y/N

Note: Part of me wondered what Eddie would have been like if he had been there from the start, with finding Eleven and all and that inspired me to write this. Eddie is such a relatable and loveable character and I think he really would just wish to take care of those he’s close with.

I wasn’t comfortable with posting the full series I had planned on this. Most of my stuff has been deleted from Wattpad due to a copyright claim issue. ( they stated I copied from a tv show/movie. Even when I tagged it as fan-fiction.) hopefully things work better around here.

➳ All mistakes in this fic are my own.

Summer of 1985.

Leaning against one of the trees in the middle of Hawkins forest she let out a deep sigh, trying to get rid of the pain and the tension in her body, without use.

StarCourt mall had burned to the ground, and so was the hiding spot she’d found near it. She had relied on what was thrown into the dumpers behind the mall for months, clothes, food, anything that could be useful and would fit in her bag. Waiting till midnight to go through the mall's dumpsters had been a lot easier than shoplifting or pickpocketing.

She’d tried her best to stay away from police and society as much as possible, staying in empty cabins or run down buildings. It was far from comfortable but it wasn't as bad as sleeping in the dangers of the outdoors, the dangers of Hawkins in general.

Hawkins was a town known for its bizarre happenings, People dying or disappearing, some even returning from death. People knew things were going on but nobody dared to say a word or ask any questions about it.

The less people knew the better, it was exactly why she herself had been running and hiding for so long. When you ask the wrong person the right questions things tend to happen and most times you don't walk away from it without consequesions, she learned that the hard way. She knew the right person, the right questions and even the answers and that is precisely why she ran away.

Cleverness, to think of putting a piece of paper between the door to keep it from locking completely, patiences for the time to pass until it had been midnight and knowledge of the right path towards the exit to get herself out and away from the place she grew up in.

She may have been young but she was far from stuppid, she knew when to speak and when to stay silent that way you heard things others did not although sometimes she wished she'd never listened to those around her at all.

She was sore and covered in cuts and bruises, every movement making her his in pain. The woods of Hawkins might have had its charm if it hadn't been this brutal against her, the rocks and tree she had to climb came with a new scrap or cut on a daily basis, something that she accepted over time and risked day in and day out for a place to sleep.

Her eyes shot up at the sound of crumbling leaves and snapping twigs. She was on high alert, movement slow as she tried to process which way to run. her feet carried her backwards in a slow pace, heartbeat running wild as her knuckles turned white from how tight she was grabbing onto her backpack straps.

"Hey!" she flinched at the sudden voice, eyes going wide as she turned around. “Sorry, didn't mean to scare you,” there he stood, a boy not older than herself messy hair, denim and leather covering his arm and a strange demonic picture staring right back at her. “Are you okay?” Her eyes met those of the boy who scared her, giving him a single nod. She messed up, she messed up badly.

He was looking at the marks on her arms and her face, staring particularly long at the noticeable scar under her left eye “Jezus- what happened,” His face dropped “did someone hurt you?”

“I’m fine” She said, voice hushed. She was nervous, scared, would this guy follow her if she ran? Would he tell people he saw her? “Don't mean to pry and all but you look far from fine.” he stated. “Do you need a doctor or something, I could take you to the police if you want.”

“No!” Her blood ran cold at the sound of police. “No police.” He hummed in acknowledgement, his eyes scanning her as he tried to read her body language.

“Did you run away or something like that?” He guessed. She didn't know why but her head dipped in a nod just slightly, something that didn't go unnoticed to him “I’m taking that as a yeah?”

“Yes.” He just nodded his head. She didn't know why she even answered him, two years of silence and running thrown away all because a friendly face looked worried about her.

“So,” he began, “uhm how long have you been running for?”

“Two years.” she was cursing herself out internally scolding herself to stop talking. He looked at her shocked. giving himself a second to process what she just said. “That’s, that’s a long time.”

“Yeah.” She said softly. “You’re terrified of me aren’t you?” taking a step backwards, he caught up to the reason she was so cautious towards him. “Usually nobody comes out here, so you're safe.”

“You're here.” she retorted, making him grin. “It's a shortcut from my buddy's place back to my van,” he pointed towards where he came from.

“Lovers Lake.” she mumbled. “yeah, he was sent to jail, again.”

“He’s bad?” she said, looking at him scared. “oh no, Rick's cool, totally cool just uhm, just got caught selling. Was supposed to buy from him to get my supply up again but that’s a big no.”

“You do drugs?”

“It makes sense I didn't really want to take you to the cops now does it?” She smiled at that, her shoulders slumped a little as she realized he wasn't going to call the police on her.

He offered her a smile “I’m Eddie, by the way.” he said casually, carefully awaiting her reaction. “You can tell me to piss off, you know.” he reassured making her shake her head. “Y/n.”

Eddie had helped her find a safe space to stay in, Cracking open the lock on his friend's boathouse to give her a temporary roof over her head. The space was cluttered, messy but it was a fine spot to hide from people and stay safe from police. Rick was in jail anyway, it wasn’t like he would know. There was a big part of her that thought Eddie only helped her find a safe spot out of guilt, the idea of leaving somebody in the middle of nowhere being something that didn't sit right with him, but to her surprise he came back the next day. Eddie had sofly knocked on the door before coming in, standing in the doorway with bags of snacks, water and even one of his own jackets to give her some form of warmth.

Their conversations were mostly one-sided, Eddie would talk about his band and try to explain the meaning behind his Hellfire club, his shirt finally making sense to her the more he talked about it. Eddie would come around in the afternoon, always having some form of food with him, sometimes bread or something microwaved he had packet up and snuck out to the boathouse, he enjoyed watching her smile as she ate the food, the idea of her having been running and trying to survive on her own for two years not being something he liked.

As the days passed she grew more and more comfortable around him, so much so that she started to open up. Her adoptive father used to be a nice man, he always seemed to want the best for her, for her siblings. He always spoke of family, of trust but as she grew older she realized things were not as simple as he told them they were. Her anger spun out of control easily, the older she grew the worse it got and the only one that seemed to be able to calm her down was who she was raised to believe was her older brother, and father did not like that.

Her brother would hush her, hold her and tell her it would all be alright, tell her it was safe and that he would take care of her, that he would find a way to get them out of the house and live a happy life without their father’s rules. He had promised, promised he wouldnt leave her and he still did, he had left her with their father. She spent the next few years on her own, angry at her brother for leaving her behind, angry at her father for abandoning her. She had been nothing more than another child that didn't meet her fathers perfection standards, just like her so-called brother.

She had cried after telling Eddie, Shielding herself away from his view not wanting to show the tears, he wasn't having it. Eddie had sat down beside her and wrapped her up nice and warm in a hug while he made a few jokes to get her to smile again only for it all to come crashing down the next day.

“Ricks coming home tomorrow.” Two weeks, that's all she had gotten in the boathouse, two weeks of jokes and laughter with Eddie and now it was gone, she needed to go back to the woods, it was time to run again. She pushed away her tears, and got onto her feet forcing herself to act emotionless. Taking the wrapped candy bars and sandwich Eddie had given her for that day she stuffed it in her backpack, trying to get everything ready to head out before midnight.

“My uncle works night shifts at the factory” she turned towards Eddie, his eyes going anywhere but to her as he continued to speak, “you could take the bed I’ll sleep on the couch or something, I don't know.''

“I can't,” She mumbled. The idea of staying close to Eddie was a dream come true, she really did care for the boy but it was not worth the risks. Eddie's eyes meet with hers, the look of rejection not suiting him well.

“Police will notice, and what would you tell your uncle.” He signed in relief, it wasn't that she didn't want to, it was fear that kept her from doing so.

“It's a big risk and I don't want you to get in trouble because of me.” Part of her knew that if her father wanted to find her he already would have

but the fear of knowing what he’d do if he did find her was holding her back.

“I'm a big boy that can take care of himself.” He said with a grin.

“Why do you care so much?” Eddie seemed taken back by that question but he answered it nonetheless. “I don't feel like living up to the Munson name,” he stated. “My dad wasn't the best, Wayne got me out of that situation.” She nodded, this was his way of saying he understood her.

“You’ve only known me for two weeks Eddie and there’s a lot I haven't told you yet, I could be dangerous to you.” If she was willing to consider this things had to be out in the open, especially the danger she was putting him in.

“You do know I’m the town freak right?” he tells her like that was supposed to mean something. “You’re not a freak Eddie.” She hated it when he called himself that.

“And you're not dangerous.”

"You don't have to do this," Eddie insisted on taking the pressure away from packing, grabbing her stuff before she could. He’d left the candy wrapper for what they were mumbling a ‘I'll tell Rick I came here’ before making her pull her hoodie over her head and taking her towards his van just on the other side of the road.

Her hands in her lap, bag by her feet and eyes stuck on the road as she anxiously whisted the loose threat of her shirt around her fingers. Eddie kept a close eye on her, trying to find any sign of her getting second doubts but to his surprise beside a usually sense of fear there wasn't any, she was humming along to one of the songs that sounded through the van, the rhythm of the song itself being far off but it seemed to calm her.

Eddie took a sharp turn into forest hill trailer park, the car shaking from all the potholes and gravel that created a path down the park, Eddie’s speed not slowing until they actually got closer to their end destination, her stomach twisting slightly as he drove up to one of the many trailers in the back and brought the van to a rocking halt.

Eddie looked over at her offering her a sweet smile before getting out of his van, rounding the vehicle until he was at her side to open the door like a true gentleman. “Ready to see my castle?” he said, his usual grin plastered across his face. Her eyes scanned the surrounding trailers, a deep sigh coming from within her as she carefully lifted herself out of the van and swung her bag over her shoulders.

She stayed close by Eddie’s side, watching as twisted his key in the lock and opened the door to lead her into his home.

Eddie was immediately running around cleaning up a bit, reaching for empty wrappers and empty mugs, giving her the room to wander the space on her own. The most colorful mugs and baseball caps line the walls, a two seat and an old worn down chair standing at one end of the room as a tv and a folded bed stood on the opposite side. It was messy, but it was a real home.

Eddie watched her carefully move around, a grin coming to his face as he watched her move down the hallway and towards his own bedroom not missing the smile that came to her as he walked into it.

Again everything was messy, clothes were thrown on top of the dressers, posters lining the walls and guitar picks scattered around everywhere. She let her bag fall from her shoulders, placing it on his bed without a thought before taking a closer look at the details, the room’s entire aesthetic screaming Eddie.

She walked over to the guitar hanging above the dresser, most of the red and black beauty covering the mirror it was hung before. she was carefully reaching out to strum her fingers of the strings being met with a little tune. “Beautiful.” Jumping at the voice she turned to see Eddie was watching her from the doorway. “Sorry, didn't mean to scare you.” she looked at him silently, a giggle bubbling up in her at the familiar set of words. “So uhm, what do you usually do at night?”

“I used the water from the lake to clean up a little, then I ate whatever you brought me.”

"Bathrooms all yours," he said pointing behind him. Looking from the bathroom back to her he held up his hand in a silent ‘stay there’ before walking around her and pulling out a few pieces of clothes from different drawers. A pair of socks, a t-shirt and some sweatpants that were far too big were handed to her in a kind gesture.

“Hellfire,” she looked from the shirt towards Eddie knowing how much his club meant to him. He shrugged, giving her one of his famous grins before leading her to the bathroom.

“There's soap and shampoo on the shelf, towels are behind the door.” Eddie really was doing everything he could to make her feel safe. “I’ll see if I can whip up something edible.” he gave her another soft smile before turning away and closing the door behind himself.

Eddie was a good guy he had never done anything to make her doubt him so there was no need to start now. Eddie promised her safety, was it a risk to put two years of running and hiding on the line for the words of a man she’d only known for all but two weeks, yeah, definitely but she trusted him with it all nonetheless.

Reaching over she turned the shower on, water falling from the showerhead and hitting the ground. The tension in her body fell away from the hot water, body melting into the warmth as it eased the aches. Dirt and dried blood washing away to more she scrubbed herself down,

her hair turning back to its light Hazel color the more she rinsed it out, watching the dirty water go down the drain. The cleaner the cuts got the better she could see how deep and how bad it looked, starting to understand the shock Eddie had on his face when they met.

She had wrapped the towel around herself, her hand whiping the steam from the mirror to get a better view of herself. Dark circles under her eyes, the cuts and bruises on her arms being much more clear now that the dirt was washed away, all the things that she never really stopped and thought about now all came crashing down on her.

Her hair was longer than she could remember. The scar underneath her eye a reminder of her outburst from when she was locked in her bedroom, the ceramic of her plate having cut her after it smashed into pieces.

Growing up hadn’t always been the best, but things weren’t always bad either, lifting her wrist to her lips, a soft peck was placed over the mark there like she had done everynight in a reminder that where she came from hadn't always been bad.

A soft knock on the door pulled her from her thoughts. Taking a deep breath she opened the bathroom door, Eddie standing there in the doorway of his own room, eyes scanning her in his clothes. She held the pile of her own clothes in her hand, Eddie reaching out to take it from her and turning around in his room, dropping it carefully down beside her bag before making his way towards the living room where he proudly presented two bowls filled to the brim standing on the counter. “You can cook?”

“Yeah, with Wayne working I had too. all that microwavable shit gets expensive.” he said, dropping himself in one of the seats and patting the one beside him in an invitation.

“Oh my god.” Eddie couldn't help but laugh at her speaking with her mouth full. The boxed mac and cheese he had made was gone within minutes, Eddie watching her as she ate spoon after spoon full of the cheesy pasta, part of him hating the idea that some boxed food was like a luxury to her.

Things seemed easy, Eddie made small talk about his ideas of his new campaign, some jokes being thrown across as he watched her smile.

As he put the empty bowls in the sink he watched her move around the living space, her eyes lingering on the folded bed that stood in the corner.

“That's where my uncle sleeps.” Eddie stated, turning off the water and leaning back against the counter. “Is he gonna be mad that you brought me here?” she asked, the sensation of fear returning. “He’s not that difficult, just be honest with him.” Eddie reassured.

There was a lot of stuff she hadn't told Eddie, the fear of rejection because of where she came from only edging on the beliefs she had been taught as a child. “my dad used to say nobody would accept us for who we truly are.” She revealed, trying her way of being honest.

“If he didn't accept you then why did he adopt you?” Eddie stated, his words having been ment as a reasurement. “My real dad used to say that,” she mumbled seeing the confusion on Eddie’s face. “There's a reason my older brother cared so much for me, the same reason father didn’t like our close bond.”

“He wasn’t your brother was he?” a tear at the memories of the truth slipped away from her as she shook her head. “He was my dad.” She choked on the words, for the first time in years daring to call him what he truly was to her.

Eddie closed the distance and wrapped her up in a hug within seconds, her head gently falling onto his shoulders as she let the warm feeling of comfort he gave her settle in. She was letting Eddie in, completely.

#Eddie Munson #Stranger Things #Eddie Munson Fic #Stranger Things 4 #Joseph Quinn #warrior-angel #Eddie Munson x reader #reader insert #female insert #Eddie Munson x she #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson stranger things

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morgue-ratt · 1 year

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A lot of my job is pretty mindless so I spend a lot of my day daydreaming and I couldn't let go of this idea. This is my first time writing for MHA but I did my best <3

Kai Chisaki OVERHAUL x reader in Painkiller

warnings: captive reader, manipulation but like. on the molecular level

word count: 922 words

THE boredom had gotten painful. There were no windows in the sparce, spacious room you’d been sentenced to. There wasn’t much of anything. A bed with coarse yellow sheets and a thin blue blanket was pushed up against the wall, beside it was a plastic table that your meals were placed on that served no other purpose. The cold, clinical white lights embedded in the ceiling were on a timer than did not coincide well with your sleep schedule and you’d learn to sleep with them on, directly above you.

You had not been told where you were or who had brought you here. When you last asked how long you’d been here the man had cocked his head slightly and gave you a pitiful look. Overhaul’s pity cut like a knife. You wanted nothing less. He was the only person you’d seen since being taken but you knew you two weren’t alone.

He’d introduced himself as Kai. But you refused to call him something that familiar. You knew it irritated him when you referred to him as Overhaul, especially when you made no effort to keep the seething hated out of your voice.

You used to cry. When you had first been brought into this terrible room you cried and begged to be let go, by now you wished you hadn’t shown that vulnerability. You had asked why you were but he always gave vague and untrue answers. At first, he found joy in your every struggle. You could see his eyes crinkle as he smiled from behind the horrible mask.

Eventually you stopped crying. You buried your fear and despair and only nurtured your anger until Overhaul could feel it in waves just by entering the room. You sat on the floor beside the bed, curling yourself as small as you could managed like a coiled spring, waiting, waiting, waiting to snap. You didn’t know what he wanted but you would give nothing. He touched you with gloved hands and you’d flinch backwards like his rubber skin burned. He would laugh at this and you were used to it, growing up Quirkless you’d had expirence being picked on. You were an easy target, what’s the worst you could do?

But both of you were getting sick of this, Overhaul was obviously annoyed that he hadn’t managed to break you yet.

When the door to the room opened that day your eyes flicked from the floor to him, silhouetted in the frame. You barely even reacted, shifting on the floor where you sat.

“Get up.” He said and you smirked only slightly. You loved when he told you what to do, it made it that much easier to get under his skin. The door closed behind him and he approached in measured steps. You’d never see him anything but cool and restrained despite your attempted to drive him up the wall. “Did you not hear me?” He asked, standing above you and you met his eyes. “I said get up. Off the floor.”

“I heard you.” Your voice was raspy from lack of use.

Overhaul crouched down so he could better assess you and your expressions. He was close, only his beak between you but you knew by now that for whatever reason, he wasn’t going to hurt you. “Do you know how long you’ve been here?” He asked, though he knew you didn’t. “I’m getting tired of this.” He admitted and you jutted out your chin slightly. There was a small part of you that was proud that you hadn’t given in. He could have everything he wanted, but not you.

Until Overhaul started peeling off his gloves. Your eyes widened and you pushed yourself back into the wall. He was so close, there was no way of escape. “Wait.” You didn’t know what exactly his Quirk did but it must have been dangerous if he wore gloves everywhere. As he reached towards your face, you felt the panic rise in your chest. “Don’t fucking touch--”

He rested two fingers on either one of your temples and the effects were immediate. A rush so fast your head would’ve fallen back if he hadn’t been holding you upright. For a few seconds you couldn’t even breathe until your eyes met his again and he shifted his fingers slightly, flooding your system with what could only be described as bliss.

As Overhaul meticulously replaced the adrenaline in your system with dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin you couldn’t keep the dazed smile off your face or the near love in your eyes. It was something he’d never tried but it had worked better than he’d hoped. You were smiling at him like you never had before, his hand went from your temple to your cheek and you leaned into his touch. “How are you feeling?”

You couldn’t even answer, just smiling even wider. He pulled his hands away and you practically fell over trying to get him to touch you. He wrapped his arms around you and you had no resistance left in your body as you curled into him. He was warm, there was a heartbeat. It suddenly hit you, just how lonely you had been. If he hadn’t been holding you, you would’ve surely been floating, you felt high as he wrapped his arms around you and held you close.

#kai chisaki #overhaul #overhaul x reader #overhaul x you #kai chisaki x reader #chisaki x reader #my hero academia #frenzy scribbles

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peejsocks · 2 years

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one time you have break up sex with ryan and one time you reconnect

a/n: got a massive headache in the middle of writing this so im blaming it if there are any mistakes. but otherwise god i love writing for ryan so much it always get me giggling and blushing. i hope you enjoy this as much as me 🤓

basically got this “one time [blank] and one time [blank] idea from this amazing eddie munson fic. i might do more like this if lightning strikes twice bc it’s super fun

disclaimers/tags: female reader. nsfw. angsty but filled to the brim with love! pretty filthy. minors dni.

"It's not looking great, is it? Us?"

Sundays always had a haunting aura, and today wasn't going down any easier.

Ryan is leaning against the sink in your bathroom, looking at his beat up converse.

He looks uncharacteristically small from your position at the end of your bed. You're looking up, fighting tears.

"No."

Less a sentence, more a pained noise.

"But I love you. You know that, right?"

Of course, god, of course you do. It's in everything he does, his love for you. As is your love for him. That's why it hurts so much.

Jackass. Viva la Bam. Haggard is officially in motion. So much is happening so fast. No matter how many times your boyfriend tried to be reassuring, you were slowly falling behind.

At first, you tried playing a game of catch up, but it got exhausting quick.

"I'm so incredibly proud of you. I think you know that." Ryan's eyes are gazing at the floor again, his lip sucked in. "It's been amazing, living all this with you and watching everything work out. You and the boys deserve it. I just can't be the supportive girlfriend if I don't have anything of my own."

His head shoots up, cheeks tainted pink in exhasperation, matching his high-pitched voice. Hurting him like this feels like the worst thing you've ever done.

"I'm not asking you to be 'the girlfriend'! You're so much more, I tell everyone-"

"No, Ry, I know." You sigh, and a hiccup follows. Your chest shrinks with the painful movement. "What I mean, is that I need space to find my goals. Figure out what I want to do. I feel like I don't have room to do that next to you."

Now, your sobs become loud. This is unfair to both of you.

"I don't want to hold you back, or anything."

It's a soft whisper. A resignation.

Before you can make sense of it, both of you meet in the middle of your bedroom.

Ryan's chin rests on the top of your head, and your arms try to engulf as much of his back as possible, sniffling and taking in the worn scent of his shirt.

Firm hands push on your waist, forcing you to pull back. His fingers come up to wipe your tears, thumb tracing your lips. Eventually, they lift your head up and your mouths clash.

It's more gentle than you've ever been with one another. Like this is how you want to remember it.

You're the one to take initiative, pulling his shirt up from the back.

He doesn't deny you, guiding your body backwards until you're dropping onto the mattress.

The wooly texture of the duvet warms your bare back as Ryan works your cunt with his tongue, the quiet sounds of the peaceful day outside mixing with the languid wet licks.

As your orgasm hits, you're crying his name. There's no other, more sincere way to put it. Your face is soaked, body flinching with sobs, nose running slightly.

You beg him to be inside of you.

Usually, Ryan would leave handprints on your thighs with how brutal he was with grabbing. Right now, however, rough fingers try their hardest to be delicate when locking your knees around him.

Short curls scrape your forehead, squishy nose denting yours as he thrusts methodically into you, dragging it out as much as possible. You've never heard his breaths so low and controlled, focused.

Climax washes over him right after your second wave, round face hidden in the crook of your neck as he whines. You can feel dampness in your shoulders.

There's a lingering feeling that maybe both of you wanted to stay there longer, but instead you help him pack anyting he has left in your room.

---------------------/----/-----------------

His hair ir longer now, straigther, down to his shoulders.

Style hasn't changed much, shoes definitely heavier. He's older.

"Wow, you look fantastic."

Your smiles were equally wide and instantaneous when you spotted each other across the room. Abandoning your drinks by whatever furniture was closest so you could touch, hug.

"Me? Look at you! How did you get better looking?" Your fingers are twitching, desperate to take off his sunglasses so you can see his eyes again. Who wears those inside anyways?

"If you tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine."

When did you start sounding so old when you flirt?

A familiar voice calls from the back, and you figure of course he would wear sunglasses inside.

Bam tries to tell you a hundred different stories under one minute. Noticing your distress, Ryan pulls you away to get another beer.

The kitchen is almost empty. When you're younger, that's the most populated area of any party. As you grow up, people no longer want to do one too many consecutive shots and then throw up in the sink.

"I don't-"

You watch him stiffen up, uncomfortable in a house he doesn't know anymore. So you step forward to open the fridge, grabbing two bottles.

"Thanks. And sorry about Bam, he likes to talk."

"I don't blame him, you guys have done a lot in the past few years. So much to talk about."

You're facing each other, leaning on opposite sides of the isle.

Taking a bold leap, your arms strech in front of you to remove the aviators, smiling again when you see a spark in green irises.

He's mirroring you.

In his thirties but so fresh-faced, full cheeks and small nose. Tiny teeth. Silly grin.

You back away laughing, blushing, turning your body to the side when you take a swig. The condensation drips down your cleavage, a much needed refreshment.

"Don't patronize me." Humour drenches his words, and you squint playfully at him. "I don't think we've been nearly as busy as you."

Oh. He knows. You almost choke on the bitter liquid, flattered like a school girl realizing her crush knows her name. He knows about your life.

"I've got friends in all places, alright? I'm a very likeable guy."

You meant to scoff, but it comes out as a giggle, incapable of taking your eyes away from him.

After your breakup, it still took so long to figure things out. You made many wrong moves. With each one, you wondered if your decision was misguided, if you would have nailed it sooner had Ryan been allowed to be there to support you. He wasn't given the chance to.

You still think about that.

Regardless, when you did find your 'purpose', as cliche as it sounds, the rest just started falling into place. You felt better about life, about yourself.

It's not all positive, doubts come and go, but you've built a confidence that is priceless. This is what you were talking about with him that day. Self-assurance is what you didn't have, and what you couldn't really seek for with him.

Many nights you wished things were different. That you were one of those people that always knew what they were for, or who are just good at everything so it doesn't matter. But, alas, they weren't. If you weren't the problem, something else would be.

What matters is that both of you lived on. And neither of you has stopped smiling for the past ten minutes.

"Wanna see what my parents did to my room?"

Your folks had finally scared you into coming home to sort out whatever you wanted to keep from your old stuff and what could be given away. They promised to turn your bedroom into a music room, and maybe rent a piano.

Ryan's boots stomp loudly against the carpeted steps as you run upstairs, like you used to after a night out. Excited and flushed.

A deep breath gets caught in your throat when your hand closes around the knob, realizing who you're about to welcome into your old room.

He catches up with a quizzical look thrown your away, so you just shake it off and open the door.

Stepping inside, you're confused.

"Work in progress?"

Ryan jokes behind you, a little out of breath.

"Must be." Everything is in place. But cleaned up, no dust or smells. Kept alive. "Liars."

He echoes your chuckle.

A chill runs through you, and you blame the open window plus the night breeze.

On your way back from closing it, you stop by your neatly made bed, fluffing a stupid guitar shaped pillow. Ryan calls you, turning around to see him messing with a pink plastic box filled with your old jewelry.

He's holding a necklace he bought for your first and only anniversary.

"I remember wanting to take this one back with me. That day. As a memory." Your eyes flutter, focused on his, which in turn are zoned in on the beautiful silver string supporting a black heart pendant. "But it looked too good on you, I didn't want to deny you that. I guess you never worn it again, though."

The faint twist of his lips is sad. You want to tell him you didn't forget it behind. It did look nice on you, but what was the point of wearing it if not for him? It would kill you, to hear anyone compliment it without being able to say it was his gift. At least not without maiming any chance at new love.

"It was a perfect present. Matches everything, 'till this day."

Your exhale is suggestive, chin pointing down at your top, hoping he'll bite the bait.

Instead of relief, you get nervous when he does, pouting and swinging the thin chain your way as a question. Permission.

Rolling your eyes in fake annoyance, your teeth bite down on your own flesh as you expose your neck for him.

Ryan doesn't really touch you. He pulls the heart close to your throat so the clasp can hang mid air as he fastens it, then ghosts over your chest to readjust it.

Turning back to him, you try not to look so serious or anxious. Fidgeting with the cord, you ask, "Still nice, right?"

His lips brushing against yours is not a surprise, you knew what bringing him up here meant. Or hoped, anyway. But it's how perfect it feels that throws you off.

Your kiss fits, tongues sweeping over and under each other like you had never stopped doing it.

He had a beard before, but now it was rougher. You liked pulling it. The groan he made was even better.

Separating, you manage to speak, licking your lips while still holding his face. "I'm gonna lock the door."

Giddiness translating through your heartbeat, you're fast to shut the door and turn the small lock, but Ryan's quicker. He steps to you, picking you up from behind and spinning you the other way, setting you back down in the middle of the room.

With his nose in your hair, he whispers in your ear. "We never needed to before."

You want to joke about your poor parents being too old to catch you two at it, but that same scratchy beard is causing shivers down your spine, chapped lips wetting your skin all the way to your collarbone.

Out of a sudden, you remember what was the last time both of you were right here. Embraced in the furry rug placed precisely in the center of the bedroom.

Instinctly, you grab the wrist snaking around your middle. Scared he'll walk right out of the door.

Ryan stops, so you turn in his arms, looking into his eyes to say 'I'm sorry about the way things happened'.

Dismissive eyes bore into you, fingers hooking around your chin, and he's kissing you again.

Before you can make sense of it, you're laying on top of the rug, Ryan pulling your pants down.

"Are you sure you're okay with this?" He asks with one hand keeping your knees together, and your legs closed.

"Are- aren't you?" Insecurity bests you. Of course he'd bring it out of you tonight.

Blistery palms rub your kneecaps. "Just making sure."

You lay back down, arching your back so you can pull off your top, breasts freed from any fabric.

At that, Ryan separates your legs, yanking on your panties and discarding of them before you can even see where.

Just as fast, he's pulling on your hips and meeting your cunt halfway, going straight to sucking on your clit.

His hair is a lot better to tug on now, smoother.

Index and middle finger unceremoniously go in, the silver ring on one of them pinching your skin, and you hiss but don't complain.

He's gotten a lot better at it too. Thinking about how practice makes perfect stirs up a funny fire inside of your stomach, so you refrain from thinking about it.

"You taste so much better than anyone else. I missed it, so bad." Like he read your mind.

Ryan always did that. Shot down any fears you might have before you can even express them.

Your hips are rolling up into his face, and as beautiful as he looks, it's a damn shame you can't see his shoulders. So your nails move from bunching his hair to the dark blue fabric. "Shirt."

With a swift move, his torso is bare and you can finally see the muscles. You weren't too young when you dated, but it's still different. Roughed up by the years. Anyone could guess he's a retired firefighter or athlete, but it's from jumping into cacti and running elbow first into walls.

The thought produces a laugh, which is cut short by Ryan going right back to it, lapping up all the juices that had escaped while he undressed.

"Shit, Ry, I'm close."

He speeds up, fingers arching and tongue zigue-zaguing beyond your folds, your own thumb coming down to help.

Soon, you're screaming his name, eyes shut.

When they unscrew, he's still down there, long locks framing his face. Drinking every last drop. It's dizzying, and you wish you would've left the window open.

You're still whimpering, out of it, when Ryan climbs up to you. One stretched arm on each side of your head, you can feel his breath on your face when he speaks.

"Do you know…" It's hard to tell if he's breathing in or trying to come across as intense as possible. "How beautiful that sounds coming out of your mouth? 'Ry'. Do you know how hard- I could explode on your stomach right now just from that."

The mention of his hardness causes your eyes to drift down his chest, to his bulge. It's enticing, a perfect shape visible against his jeans. Obviously commando.

Still drunk in the bliss, you scoot your body until you're right under his hips, hands coming up to unbuckle his belt like you're touching something you had always wanted but was never allowed. Like you hadn't done it before.

Pulling on his pants just enough to free his cock, the swollen head hits your chin, and it's the perfect cue for you to swipe your tongue across it.

Ryan grunts, strong and raspy but his arms buckle. He cusses at the sound of spit hitting your hand, but goes quiet when you finally start stroking him.

Deciding it's enough, you sit up on your elbows and crank your neck up to take him fully into your mouth.

He cusses again.

With a pop, you leave it to add commentary of your own. "It's different. What, are you showering more now?"

Hearing his chuckle, you look up at him from your position, and it must've worked because his cock twitches in your hand and his eyes screw shut. "Don't give me eyes like that or I'm not gonna last, princess."

The nickname makes you feel twenty again. His princess. Stupid, shiny, hopeful. Just like having him here again.

Grateful, your mouth takes more of him this time, until you gag.

Providing his hard shaft a warm, damp place to nest filled you with filthy euphoria. Seeing his stomach flex in and out as he struggled to maintain this awkward position, thrusting down into your mouth with shaky arms so he doesn't crumble on top of you, it's almost unbelievable.

Pre-cum drips down and straight onto the black heart haging in between your breasts. You make sure to lick the rest before more of a mess is made.

Ryan can't take it anymore though, looking down and seeing your tongue pop out of your mouth again, catching the white fluid contrasting the black shape.

"Sweetheart, stop. I'm not gonna- Come up."

So you do, crawling back face to face with him. The back of his hand wipes your lips, half sorry he did this to you and half proud.

With a kiss to the tip of your nose, Ryan pushes himself up to take his boots and jeans off, finally leveling with you.

Your eyes are glossy watching him.

Just as good looking as he used to be, but a lot more comfortable now. It made him seem taller, stronger. You're hit with the realization that maybe when you where fighting to find your confidence, so was he. But he hid it better, a lot better.

"Wanna take the bed?"

Cheeks burn as you realize how ridiculous you probably looked laying bare on the floor, hands wringing each other on top of your stomach, elatedly watching him.

"C'mon." Always so nice, sympathetic. He offers you a hand before gently pushing you down onto the mattress.

The same duvet is there, and it smells freshly washed. Crazy parents of yours.

"How do you wanna do this?" Green eyes caring. You shrug, and he laughs. "Old fashion?"

Nodding, you think about how lovely it would be to ride him or his thighs, but for now you just want to look at him.

So Ryan adjusts, spicing things up just a tad by hooking your ankle over his shoulder. You go red at the exposure and it sets him off.

"Would you please stop being embarrassed? It's me."

Covering your eyes, rings of your own scratch at your eyelids as you chuckle, feeling even more on the spot now. "That's the thing, though, isn't it? It's you."

When you risk a look, he's got a tight-lipped smile, but it screams of fondness and appreciation.

Lost for words, you simply close your hands around the back of his neck and bring him down to your lips, kissing him softly like you would every tedious afternoon when you had nothing to do but love one another.

With his bottom lip between your teeth, Ryan slides into you slowly, and both of you moan.

"Fuck, princess, you're so wet. Soaked."

Your nails are digging into his back, walls tightening and pulsing.

"Move. Please."

The bed scrapes against the wooden floor the same old way. Ryan starts getting rougher with his thrusts like he inevitably always did. You're loudly gasping for air in between, imitating your careless noisy young self.

Back then, you would've held back your laughter from the wet sounds. Tonight, they're comforting, exciting. Ryan's cock pushing against your slick folds as loud as possible in this small room made you complete.

You had a lot more now, in life. But it wasn't whole, because it was missing him.

Hearing your name cried out by your first - and likely only - love breaks the wall and you're over the edge again. Whimpering. Shaking. Tears staining your face.

When Ryan comes, just a few seconds after you, repeated 'I love you's spill out into your ears.

You're too shocked to say anything, letting him tire himself out before reacting.

It takes him a minute, but when he moves off of you, there's a desperate look in his face. And he's apologizing.

Trying to talk to him doesn't work, large hands sinking the mattress before getting up and searching for his pants.

You're panicking, smacking your lips and hurrying into the bathroom, turning on the shower. Asking him if he would like to, all you get is a head shake.

Under the hot water, your stomach turns, certain you'll come out of the bathroom to an empty room. Downstairs filled with people you're not interested in, that aren't him.

Unlocking the door, Ryan's sitting on the edge of the bed. The window's open again, chill shocking against your warm skin. You lean back on the sink, waiting.

"I never said it to anyone else."

It's funny how familiar the set up is. There's a shininess to his eyes, at the waterline, reminds you of you.

The towel in your hand draws your attention, like his shoes drew his that day.

"Every time I did, I took it back."

An incredulous smile tugs at his lips, meeting your shy one.

"Wow, that must have made you many friends."

At that, you laugh, loud and fully. A sob you had no idea was brewing breaks through your chest.

You play it off by continuing to fiddle with the loose threads of the white cottony towel.

"We need to do this."

It's a question, just as much as a statement.

You want to, but reality has to have a play in this. So, sceptical, you scoff.

"How long are you staying in West Chester?"

"A month."

Oh. Oh. You thought, because of how busy they are, they wouldn't be here for too long.

Ryan notices the crestfallen look on your face.

"How long are you…"

"I leave tomorrow."

Both of you swallow, speechless.

Like you thought, reality has to play its game.

"To be fair, I've been here a week already. You're the one who just got here. And I have all these meetings next week, it's a lot."

Ryan cuts you off. A wall you hadn't seen in a while is put up.

"Up to you."

With that, he finally leaves, unlocking your bedroom door and shutting it with no glace behind him.

#ryan dunn x reader #ryan dunn #jackass fanfic

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tlexx · 2 years

Text

Lost Heart - Chapter 8

A/N: The final chapter of the Lost Boys series. I sobbed when this was done. Thank you for allowing me to write my crazy little vampire love story 🖤

Warnings: Gruesome, death, gory supernatural details, super super gory

You let your eyes wander up Jake’s body. Though it had been barely even two days, it was the longest you’ve been separated, and it felt like an eternity.

He was wearing the same black jeans he always did and decided on not wearing a shirt. The bite mark on his chest was already healed, leaving a pink puffy scar above his left nipple.

Jake wasn’t even struggling as he held on to Xander. He even took the time to flash you a cheeky wink before he slammed Xander’s body into the dirt of the woods. You were still halted by the invisible boundary of the estate, so you were stuck in your place not able to get to your husband.

As Xander let out a loud high-pitched whimper, Josh grabbed onto his tail to hold him in place. Josh was lying belly to the ground, with blood sliding down the side of his face. His free hand was clutching the side of his ribs, but he kept a tight grasp on Xander to keep him from lunging at Jake.

You could hear all of the fighting behind you, but your eyes couldn’t be torn from Jake. You were nervous that if you took your eyes off of him, he would disappear again.

“You try to run me out of town? Away from my family? Away from my wife?” Jake was circling Xander as if he was a small form of prey he could play with.

Xander was on his side, legs outstretched underneath him, with an uneven breathing pattern. The simple slam to the ground did enough to shatter many of Xander’s bones, leaving him defenseless. In a blink, Xander’s body shrunk down to his naked human body. He no longer had the energy or will to stay in his more lethal form.

It was shocking that Jake was able to overpower him so easily, making it clear that he was stronger than anyone and everyone on this battlefield.

“I succeeded, did I not?” Xander asked in a breathless, strained, scratchy voice.

Jake scoffed, then kicked Xander in the middle of his back. Xander wailed out again, alerting his brothers that he was injured.

You felt the ground literally shake as Xander’s brothers came sprinting towards you, Jake, and Josh. Jake’s rage left him blinded to the incoming threat, and Josh was in too much pain to pull himself off of the ground to help.

You turn to look over your shoulder and set your eyes on the white one that was a few steps ahead of the other. You notice Danny also following, but his limp slowed him down. There was a cut on his leg that you could see from the large rip in his jeans. It didn’t seem to be serious, but it definitely was causing him pain.

You took a deep breath, focusing on the power you could feel in your body from drinking Jake’s blood, and stood. The white wolf was only a few feet from you. You had to fight now, to protect Jake, to protect your family.

Once the wolf was less than a foot in front of you, you swung a punch straight into his wide throat. You felt your fist break through the bones in the wolf’s neck, effectively snapping his neck in a single punch.

His body flipped backwards, landing limp and lifeless in front of his brother.

The brown, gingey wolf halted in his tracks, leaving giant oblong holes in the grass. He looked from his brother, up to you with snarling, pointed teeth.

You were still in shock over the fact you killed a wolf with one hit, so your body was frozen as the brown wolf took a step towards you.

You bend your knees, making it easier to absorb the inevitable impact that was coming your way. The wolf raised his paw to hit you to the ground, he wanted to make your death painful and torturous. His large paw swept diagonally down your body, leaving giant gashes on your torso. Your head smacked against the ground and all of the air left your body after landing yards away from where you initially were standing.

The ginger wolf raced towards you and you lifted your legs to kick him away from you. You needed to fight through the pain, not even for your own sake but for Jake’s.

The weak kick sent the brown wolf only about a foot away from you, however luckily, Danny was still close behind. Danny used the momentum of your kick to grab his tail with both hands and swing him. Danny spun a full three-hundred and sixty degrees with the wolf, then launched him into the air.

The ginger wolf flew into the air, and before he ever hit the ground, Sam caught him between his teeth around the neck. You could hear the wolf whimpering and whining as Sam held him between his teeth.

Danny walked over to them, then grabbed the nameless wolf by his hind legs. You knew Danny and Sam were having an internal conversation, as they both nodded their heads at the same time.

After about three seconds, Danny sprinted one way then Sam the other. The ginger wolf split in two. The sound of his cracked spine made your skin crawl, and his skin ripping like paper almost made you puke. It was the most gruesome thing you’ve seen. Blood pooled on the grass and his intestines were scattered near your brother's feet.

“Y/N, are you okay?” Danny asked, rushing over to you.

You swallowed back all of the thick saliva that was coating your mouth. “Did you have to be so…extra?”

Sam was standing in front of you with his hands on his hips, not even phased that he was completely naked in front of everyone. “It’s me. Of course it was extra.”

You rolled your eyes at him, then extended your arm up for Danny to grab. He helped you up, but you groaned in pain as you could feel the cuts on your stomach tearing apart further.

“C’mon, princess, you’ll be fine.”

You were about to snap back at your best friend until you heard Jake yelling.

The three of you sprinted towards the rest of your family, fearing the worst. Though you should have known better.

Josh was standing now, watching with an elated smile, as Jake snapped each one of Xander’s fingers.

“Look around Xander.” Jake said with cocky outstretched arms. “My family won. Did you think you even stood a chance? We are too strong, too powerful when we are together. Nothing can destroy us.”

Something about Jake’s speech seemed to bring a warm smile to all of your faces. He was right. It seemed that no matter what your family faced, as long as you were together you were able to face it with ease.

Jake flashed his eyes over to you, lingering on the three gashes that spread down your stomach.

‘You’re hurt?’

‘I’m fine, baby. I can already feel it healing.’

You felt the cuts grow tighter, stinging harshly, as they grew closer.

Jake crouched in front of Xander’s face, clutching his jaw harshly in his hands. Jake yanked Xander’s head towards you.

“You’re lucky she is tough. If she was hurt, this would last a hell of a lot longer.”

Xander looked at you, and despite how weak he was, there was so much evil in his eyes.

Jake held on to both sides of Xander’s face about to twist his head to the side. All of you held your breath in anticipation, but sighed out in dissapointemnt when Jake suddenly stopped.

“You know what. I have a tradition, and I am not the one who should be killing you.” Jake patted Xander’s head before launching it into the dirt. “Danny, why don’t you go get the lady of the hour.”

Danny looked at you, questioning, assuming that Jake was referring to you. You shook your head at him with a small smirk, then it finally clicked.

Danny turned to run through the fighting that was still going on behind you. There were only three werewolves left, and still approximately twelve of Jake’s offspring making easy work of them. This was the battle that would make it clear that vampires were definitely stronger than werewolves.

You saw Marques leading the charge, forever loyal to the family that Jake created from him rather than his own blood. He was directing the other offspring like the conductor of a perfectly organized orchestra. Marques seemed to be Jake’s most loyal knight.

Danny appeared again shortly after, with Ellsie holding onto his arm. Cheyenne was safely tucked away in her bassinet that had been set up weeks before, sound asleep and oblivious to the terrors outside. Ellsie was clutching onto the sharp metal piece of banister that you punched out yesterday, needing a weapon to complete the deed.

Everyone seemed to part, allowing Ellsie to walk confidently towards the man who had held her captive for so many years. Her chin was high, but the tears streaming down her face didn’t go unnoticed.

Her hair was drenched in sweat, her eyes looked tired, and she was moving slowly from just giving birth. Yet, she looked like the most regal and powerful woman you had ever seen.

Ellsie stood in front of your family, but her eyes were just on Jake. There was anger in her eyes, and rightfully so.

In an act that you never thought you’d see, Jake kneeled to Ellsie. It was a silent apology and admittance of remorse.

You watched with bated breath, unsure of how this would go, as Ellsie walked over to Jake. Her jaw was locked in anger, yet she acted in a surprising way.

Ellsie pushed back hair from your husband's face, then kissed his forehead. There was so much trust that needed to be built, however Ellsie knew that she was a part of this family and Jake would do anything to protect her now.

Jake and Danny held on to each of Xander’s arms, lifting his torso up off the ground. His head dangled until Danny pulled at his hair, forcing him to look at Ellsie.

“Whor-“

Before he even finished the insult, Ellsie plunged the piece of metal up through his back. Blood squirted out of his body when the spear came out of his chest, directly through his heart.

Xander slid down the piece of metal when the boys let go of him with small gurgled sounds of death. When his body collapsed, echoes of the remaining wolves’ howls filled the sky. They didn’t drop dead like their alpha, but they did retreat quickly and frantically.

“Honestly, that was easier than I thought.” Sam shrugged.

“Shut up.” Jake said as he walked over to him. Jake didn’t seem to care that Sam was naked, and just pulled his little brother into a hug. “You need to fucking stop drinking, look what it did to you.”

Jake was clutching onto Sam, they squeezed each other lovingly. This was the closest any of Jake’s brothers had been to death, and the fact he wasn’t there in the crisis was weighing heavy on him.

You knew Sam was crying from guilt and relief that he was okay. His small chuckle was wet and muffled by Jake’s shoulder. “You’re just mad I’m stronger than you now.”

Jake jokingly pushed Sam away from him with a child-like smile. “You wish.”

Josh joined the two, punching Sam in the arm. “You smell like a dog.

Just like the beach many years ago, the boys forgot about the death around them and acted like the twenty-something year olds that they were eternally stuck as.

Danny seemed to quietly ask Ellsie permission to join his brothers, which she obliged. She joined you, and you took her shaking body in your arms.

“You okay?” You asked her quietly.

“Yeah, I think I will be.” The two of you watched the four brothers tease and tackle each other playfully. “But what have I gotten myself into?” Ellsie asked with a laugh in regards to the boys.

“A lot. A fucking lot.”

It seemed to be Josh and Jake vs Sam and Danny as they wrestled each other in a fit of giggles.

“Hey, Sammy!” Ellsie called, halting all of their movement.

“Yeah?” He asked, confused, surprised by her even speaking to him. Ellsie has yet to really connect with her soulmate’s twin flame, but you believed they’d be fast friends.

“Would you like to go meet your goddaughter?”

Sam perked up excitedly. He scrambled to his feet.

“Really? I mean yes, of course, yes!”

“You just have to put some clothes on.” Ellsie said with a grimace.

“Oh!” Sam, once remembering he was naked, quickly covered his most prized possession. “Yes, uh, sorry about that. Everyone else here has seen me naked so many times, sometimes I forget.”

Danny slapped Sam on the back with a harsh open palm. “Just shut up and go.”

“Fuck you!” Sam whined out in response to the slap. The three of them separated from your group, walking back towards the house. “Ellsie, I promise I won’t imprint on your daughter.”

You watched the three of them walk to the house. They were going to be alright, they now had each other.

Josh interrupted your staring, kissing your cheek as he walked by you. He must’ve been shooed away by his twin, or felt the need to leave the two of you alone.

Josh joined Marques, who was waiting on the porch patiently for some type of further instruction. Josh shook Marques hand, no doubtedly thanking him for his efforts.

“Hi.” Jake was directly in front of you, pulling your focus back to where it needed to be. He grabbed your hips to pull you closer, but not before he could check on your cuts. “How are you feeling?”

You gave Jake the response he deserved, smacking him hard on his chest. “Why the fuck would you leave me like that?”

“You know why. But it’s not like I was ever that far away.”

“Where were you?”

“It’s not important.”

You gritted your teeth. “Where were you?” You repeated.

“A little hut on the swamp. I couldn’t go that far. It was like there was this rope keeping me close to you.”

You let your head fall onto his chest. “You should have never left.”

Jake brought you into a hug, rubbing your back. “I know, baby, I know.”

“That was the longest two days of my life. That’s the longest we’ve ever been apart.”

“No it’s not, you just didn’t know who I was.” Jake laughed.

“Stop teasing me, and just kiss me.”

“Of course, baby.”

Jake’s arms protectively circled around your waist pulling you close and tight. You looked up at his full lips, smiling that he was finally back in your arms, and met him for a kiss.

‘Never leave me again.’

‘You’re stuck with me forever, baby.’

***

You laid next to Jake, with your leg thrown over his waist. The two of your naked bodies were only partially covered by the white sheet on the bed that was in the center of Isabella’s room. It had been a day of promises, physical and verbal, that the two of you would never part ways again, even for short periods of time.

“Are you sure about this?” You asked as you played with the rings that perfectly accentuated Jake’s long slender fingers.

“I think it is what’s best, for you and me.”

“But the famil-”

“We need this, Y/N. Too much of our time has been given to others, since the day we met.”

You sighed, knowing he was right. The most the two of you have spent any time with one another was barely a week during your honeymoon, and that of course started and ended badly. Jake and you had little to no time to be husband and wife, let alone soulmates, so you had to admit that when he suggested this plan a part of you was happy.

However, dread and guilt quickly swamped your mind. The brothers were rarely separated and you didn’t want to be the cause. Especially after you promised Josh and Sam that you would never tear their brother from them.

“I know Danny will be okay, he has Ellsie. But, what about Sam and Josh?” You kept your hand moving against his, a useless distraction from the tightening in your throat.

“I’m not worried about Sam, he has Danny.” Jake was avoiding his real concern, the concern you both shared.

“And Josh?”

“Josh. Josh just needs to find himself. I think this would be good for him too.” You side eyed your husband, trying to see if he meant what he was saying.

You knew that leaving Josh behind would be just as hard on Jake as it was for Josh to be left, but Jake was adimmint in his decision.

“Do you want me there with you?”

“To be honest with you baby, I think he is going to miss you just as much. We should do it together.”

“Then together it is.” You rubbed the hand that wasn’t in his across his chest, feeling all of the bumps and textures of his new scar.

“You like it?” He smirked down at you, admiring you as you admired him.

“Yeah, I kinda do.”

Jake’s hand slipped down to your thigh where your own scar was and matched the movements of your thumb. “We match.”

“I guess we do.”

You accepted Jake’s sweet kiss before he left you alone in the bed. You whined a little from the loss of contact, yet quickly found comfort in watching him walk around the room naked picking up all of the clothes the two of you left scattered.

“Stop staring at me.” He had his back to you but he was privy to what you were doing.

“Never.”

“Why?”

“Cos you’re terrifyingly beautiful.”

Jake ceased buttoning up the jeans he just slid on, then peered over his shoulder. “I think you mean terrifyingly ethereal. That is how you used to describe me, right?”

You used to hate that Jake was able to know everything going on in your head, but now you don’t think you’d want it any other way. Your love for him was too strong for words and you were thankful that he was able to feel it without you even needing to say anything to him.

“Shut up.” You threw the pillow that was behind your head at him, earning a wide smile and laugh - your favorite sight.

“You used to beg me to talk, now you're trying to shut me up? Will I ever make you happy?”

“More than you’ll ever know.”

Jake climbed up the bed, between your thighs, and held the side of your face. “I do know. And we have forever together to show each other just how much we love each other.”

He kissed you again. “Now c'mon, we have people to talk to.”

“Fuck.” You mumbled under your breath as Jake lifted you to your feet.

The family, including Marques and Ellsie, sat in the living room awkwardly staring at you and Jake who stood in the center.

“First off-” Jake began but was quickly interrupted by Sam.

“Is this a victory speech? I love victory speeches.”

“Sammy.” You warned as if you were speaking to a toddler. That with the added pointed look you gave him had him sitting back against the couch with his hands neatly folded in his lap.

“First off.” Jake repeated. “I want to thank you Marques. You have done more for this family— no me. You have done more for me than I ever deserved. I treated you like shit, abandoned you, and you still stayed loyal. You are, and always have been, a brother.”

“Thank you.” Marques nodded his head and you could see tears welling in his eyes. All he wanted was to be accepted into the family by his alpha and he finally was.

“I want you to take care of those in Michigan. They’re lost, more lost than I ever have been. They need a true leader, and that’s you.”

“Are-are you sure?” Marques asked surprised, though he was the only one. The rest of the brother’s were smiling gently, knowing that this was the right choice.

“More than sure.”

Sam clapped Marques on the back, the two of them seem to have grown even closer from their shared experience of becoming a hybrid. “Good for you, man.”

“Ellsie, I wanted to apologize again.”

“Don’t you dare, pumpkin.” Ellsie said with a southern twang that was as thick as sweet molasses. Cheyenne was sound asleep in her arms, cooing every once in a while when Jake spoke a little louder. “You did right by me, and family forgives.”

“Family forgives.” Jake echoed.

You stayed silent next to him, holding his hand for support. You were proud that he was able to express his feelings and take ownership of his wrong doings, it was something he never could do when you first met him. Jake has grown so much, the two of you have grown together.

“You three.” Jake said with more emotion in his voice. This was the hard part and neither of you were quite ready for it. “You three mean more to me than I think you know. I wouldn’t have survived without you.”

Danny and Sam looked confused, but Josh looked concerned. He was always able to read his twin better than the others.

“Danny, you’re going to be an amazing father. You are so selfless, man. I’m so happy seeing you start a family, finding love. If anyone deserves it, it’s you.”

“Uh, thank you Jake.” Danny wrapped his arm around Ellsie and smiled embarrassingly. It was probably one of the first compliments Jake has graced upon Danny, and he truly did earn it.

“Sam?” Jake’s voice was on the verge of cracking.

“What is going on?”

Jake ignored him. “You’re a fucking knuckle head. Seriously, you stress me the fuck out-”

“This seems pointed.”

“But, I wouldn’t change a goddamned thing about you. You are the most confident guy on this earth, and you should be.”

Left speechless, Sam sat forward again. He tried to hide the emotions of having the man he looked up to most to compliment him, but they were clearly written on his face.

“Josh-”

“You’re leaving, aren’t you?” Josh asked with his head hung low.

The rest of the room exchanged glances with one another, piecing it together. You ignored the whispers and gasps that they shared to focus on Josh. His irritation and aggression was visible in his shoulders and neck.

“Yeah, we are.”

“You said, you said-” Josh couldn’t even finish his sentence, rather stood up and barged outside to the porch.

Jake started taking the steps to follow his twin, but you stopped him.

‘I got it.’

Jake hesitantly gave in to you. Usually he would want to be the one to talk to Josh, but he trusted you and knew that there were things still between the two of you that needed to be said.

You joined Josh outside, but not before grabbing something from the coat closet next to the stairs.

Josh was sitting on the white porch swing looking up at the stars. He looked so scared and innocent that you almost forgot that he was an eternal creature that has killed people.

“You don’t wear this much anymore.” You stated, sitting the bright patch work jacket between the two of you.

“Doesn’t feel like me anymore.” Josh didn’t look at you, so you stared at the clenching muscles along his jawline. “I just got him back and you’re going to take him again?”

“We need this, Josh. I need this.”

He scoffed. “I need my family.”

“You have a family. Just because Jake and I leave, doesn’t mean the family disappears.”

“Jake leaves, then Danny with Ellsie, then Sam.” He shrugs. “Then I'm left all alone.”

“Josh-”

“No. My whole life I’ve been known as Jake’s twin. Even when I felt lonely, I knew he was right there. But now, he has you. Jake doesn’t need me anymore.”

“Jake will always need you, Josh. This isn’t goodbye.”

“It’s just a ‘see you later.’” He said in a mocking tone.

“I know you’re making fun of me, but exactly.” You moved the jacket to your lap and scooted closer to him. You rested your head on his shoulder to look up at the stars with him. “You know I'll miss you too.”

“I’ll miss you, mama.”

You smiled and placed a gentle kiss on his clothed shoulder. “I think you should wear this again.”

You shook the jacket causing all of the buttons, zippers, and chains to rattle against it. He laughed, plucking it from your grasp. “And why’s that?”

“You deserve all of the attention it brought to you. This was the first thing I always noticed in the crowds at Santa Carla.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah. And it looks good on you, shows off your personality.”

Josh’s face dropped slightly. “That’s the old Josh.”

“No, he is still in there. I know it.”

There was so much left to be said between the two of you, yet Josh opted to silently give the top of your head a kiss and grab your hand. You sat swinging for a few minutes, enjoying each other’s company under the stars until Jake, Sam, and Danny joined you.

“Scoot over.” Sam said as he barreled his way next to you. You were squished between him and Josh when Danny forced his way onto the end. Jake stood in front of you with his arms crossed, but laughing at the sight in front of him.

“You better fucking take care of her, Jacob.” Sam said with a pointed finger. “She’s a princess and deserves to be treated as such.”

“No, she’s a queen.” Josh corrected.

The three boys you shared the swing with somehow had you gripped into a tight hug that you couldn’t squirm your way out of. You couldn’t stop laughing as they held onto you and you weren’t sure if you had ever felt this loved before.

“I love you guys.”

They returned the sentiment before letting you out of their suffocating embrace. Danny got up and walked over to Jake. He extended his hand out for a handshake that was quickly batted away in favor of a hug. Danny didn’t return the hug at first, too stunned by Jake’s choice, then gave in quickly.

You watched through blurry tears as they all said goodbye to Jake, hugging and punching each other multiple times as they were overcome with emotions they weren’t used to feeling.

“Ready?” Jake asked you, crying as well.

“Where will you guys go?” Danny questioned.

Jake and you looked at each other, then shrugged. “We don’t really know, just wherever we end up.”

“Be careful.” Sam, of all people, advised.

“Aren’t we always?” You teased back. You knew he wanted to give you a sassy come back, but he chose not to in favor of not ruining the moment.

Jake grabbed your hand and started leading you towards his motorcycle that was parked in front of the garage. You followed him, keeping your head down to try and conceal your sniffing and tears. Until Josh called your name.

You turned to see the three of them watching you guys walk away. Sam stood in the middle of the boys, arms lovingly around both. All of them were wearing bright smiles through their tears.

“Take care of him, okay?”

“Always.”

Jake helped you onto the back of his motorcycle then started it with a loud roar. By the time he backed out and was driving down the driveway, Ellsie and Marques had joined the boys on the porch. All of them were waving and cheering you and Jake on as you set foot on your new adventure.

Your heart ached as they grew smaller and smaller. You knew you would see them again, you just didn’t know when.

‘You okay, baby?’ Jake’s hand was protectively resting on his favorite spot on your thigh.

‘Yeah. Are you?’

The wind blew through your hair as Jake sped down the road, leaving the estate far behind you. You closed your eyes remembering the first time you ever got on the back of his bike, so much yet so little has changed.

‘I am. It’s the beginning of our forever.’

‘Our forever.’

Taglist: @calumspretty @joshkiszkas @carlybubs @weightofdreams-gvf @maverick-rose @livieweasley @lyndseygoregasmxo @basiccortez @stardustingold @age-of-nyahh @peaceisouranthem @strangeh0rizons @alltimekpop-blog @kdarling1 @idk-maddie @auntminestrone @xserenax-13 @loofypoofy @turtleskane @jmkiszka @luverleaver @bumblebeeswri @gretavanfleas @kay-jordan @mywaygvf @a-bouquet-of-lilies @garagebandvanfleet @katie-gvf @celestialfauna @dannythedog @allieboop @streamsofstardust @greta-van-yeet @capturethechaos @doodle417 @gretasmokerising @janelikemaryyy @stillstreetjoshua @hippievanfl @thecoldwind @siriuslymentalaboutmoony @gvfrry @greta-flanveet @jakeyboiiiiiii @localhideaway @graygvf @kxnsy @lupinevanfleet @st4rdust-ch0rds @mywaysoons @stardustdanny @spicedandicedtea @sammysvanfeet

#lost boys #lost soul #lost heart #jake kiszka fanfic #jake kiszka au #greta van fleet fic #Greta Van fic #greta van fleet fanfiction #greta van fleet

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littlegoldenbirdie · 1 year

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The Dragon and the Maiden (sort of) #7

Okay, this will probably be the last chapter of this thing. That's good, right? There's more, but I'm going to write it as snapshots/one-shots rather than a big, long story.

This was originally Chapter 6, but I realized I'd missed a part.

Chapter 7: Her healing hands

“All right, your wounds are clean. Now I just have to bandage them. I foresee you ending up looking like one of those Anointed back on Amonkhet because you’re really cut up.” He watched and held still as she unrolled a length of white cloth and wrapped it around his upper arm. “You know, I really appreciate your patience with all this,” she said as she worked. “But I imagine you don’t live as long as dragons do without learning that particular virtue.” As she had done before, she kept up the chatter for his sake as she bandaged his arms, his legs, his tail, his body… It took a while, but she finished soon enough and pulled back, allowing both of them a good look at what he looked like now. Pure white cloth, already tinged ever so slightly with a bit of fresh blood from his injuries, formed a dramatic contrast against the dullness of his tarnished scales, the former golden sheen obliterated by days, weeks, months of stress and starvation. He’d long since lost track of time as he ran for his life and fought to survive, and she had never paid much attention to Time’s passage, especially in her isolated little home. “You’ll be back to normal in no time, Bolas. Food and rest should fix you right up. You’ll heal on your own and I’ll help with any pain you may feel in the meantime. Now let’s move on to your wings. I’ll handle this too, all right? All you have to do is lie down on the floor, face down, so I can reach them easier.” He needed a little bit of help to do so, but he got off the footstool he’d been sitting on and laid down on the floor, tucking his limbs beneath his body in the manner of a cat and lifting the wreckage of his broken wings as best he could, pain or not. “Now, your body knows the way it’s supposed to be,” she said quietly, reaching out to touch the ruined membranes as they shook from effort mixed with sheer pain. “All I have to do is coax it back into the proper shape, the shape it wants to be in. Believe it or not, it’s as simple as that!”

A soft little whimper escaped his throat as he felt her hands caressing his broken wings. “Oh my,” he managed, shivering. “This feels… incredible…” She was stroking his wings like petting a kitten, healing magic flowing from her fingertips as she traced the outline of muscles covering bone, of membranes unfolding and coming together as they were meant to. When had anyone laid their hands on him with even a millionth of the kindness she was showing? No, this was like nothing he’d ever experienced before, and it felt so, so good…

She had no illusions as to where the rumbling sound she heard was coming from, as the dragon whose wings she was engaged in healing practically vibrated under her touch. “I didn’t know dragons could purr, much less that they would purr,” she murmured to herself with a wry smile. “And to hear it coming from this dragon… The multiverse is a very strange place indeed!” Continuing her work, she coaxed the ruins of his wings back toward a recognizable shape. This would take a couple days at least, maybe half a week, but it was well within her power and his body could handle it, especially with food and rest. She kept her work up, moving from his back toward the wingtips, leaving no spot untouched, listening to his purring as it slowly softened into contented snores. Bolas had fallen asleep!

Finishing up, she laid his partially healed wings down and took half a step backward as he sleepily folded them against his back. He was sleeping in a catlike position, limbs tucked beneath his body, seemingly too deeply asleep for even dreams, and perfectly comfortable to boot. “I hope you sleep well, Bolas,” she whispered with a small smile. “I’ll grab a blanket for you later if you need or want one.” There was nothing else she needed to do, and it was getting pretty late by that point, so she grabbed some food for herself and decided it was time for her to go to bed as well. It had been a long day for her too, after all.

That was how it began, for both of them. She would clean his wounds twice a day, morning and evening, then move to working on his wings. In between she kept him company. She taught him to play senet and mancala, having learned those during her stay on Amonkhet, and Ravnica’s perennial favorite, Clans and Legions. In return he told her tales of the things he had seen in his travels, the worlds and lives he had touched for good or ill… mostly for ill, he had to admit; a detail that had never really bothered him before but did now. Each passing day seemed to see him a little stronger, and his scales began to brighten as well.

-----------

This particular tale has ended, but the story itself has not.

There will be more in this universe someday, but in the form of a series of one-shots. I shall call them snapshots, and maybe they'll be in order as his recovery progresses. I dunno.

#magic the gathering #mtg tumblr #mtg fan fiction #mtg oc #mtg fanfic #nicol bolas #ravnica #war of the spark #fanwalker

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karoiseka · 2 years

Text

Pawn

Shadowbringers spoilers, 5.0!

((Another with an instant idea, writing coming in spurts. Things I think are slowly coming back, and phrases slowly becoming a bit less stilted. I hope people are enjoying these... I know I’m enjoying digging into a few that I’ve been wanting to for a while!))

Boots clicked against the stone floor of the Musica Universalis as Karoiseka strode towards her Pendants room. She could feel his eyes upon her, but she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction–or terror (she’s honestly not sure which it would be at this time)--of acknowledging his presence. She had been on the First for a little over a Moon now, Alphinaud and Alisae safely at her side once more. They had returned from Holminster Switch a few days ago, and Karo reveled in the Crystarium’s reactions to the night sky. Not that you could see said night’s sky through the absolute downpour that was happening currently. Luckily, Karo wasn’t getting dripped on due to the soaring high crystal blue ceilings that covered the markets–and most of the city in general. There were plenty of actual open areas, but the majority of the city had stayed protected from the Everlasting Light’s rays, as well as inclimate weather, since its creation.

The sound of the rain hitting the crystal above created less noise than she would have thought–perhaps magically imbued to help with that aspect. In any case, the area was dry and brightly lit by lamps that, looking at them, were quite the hopeful addition to the area by the Exarch when building the city. That gamble had paid off–as had his eventual pull of Karo and the Scions through the Rift, though that was the reason for his current lurking.

Karo was still very angry at him. Maybe a tad less after seeing the night’s sky returned to the area, and having the twins within reach once more, but nonetheless, angry. She had wrapped herself in the emotion, whenever he was near, not wanting to let his friendly demeanor wear away at the fact that he had pulled her away from her own world’s troubles to be his pawn in this grand scheme to save his. Yes, according to him the Source would be saved through their actions on the First, but none of it diminished the turmoil Karo had gone through back home the past few moons watching the Scions drop around her–not knowing where their souls had flown.

The noise coming from the Wandering Stairs had her giving the bar area a wide berth as she had the past few days–the celebration hadn’t stopped. Instead her footfalls hit the softer grass and wood of one of the many “indoor” nature areas, carefully cultivated to bring a safe area for people to enjoy. The watchful eyes seemed to fade as she got closer to the Pendants, and her stance relaxed ever so slightly. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to like Exarch–in contrast, every part of her being was telling her to trust him–it was that the dark despair that had filled her for so long would not be so easily forgotten.

A quick wave to the suite manager, and up the two flights of stairs to her room, the rest of her tension melted from her body as she placed her bow on its rack, and sat heavily on her bed.

“What has you all out of sorts?” Karo peered through her fingers to find Ardbert standing there peering down at her. Sighing, the Bard looked up and then plopped backwards onto the bed.

“I’m having a hard time letting go of my anger at the Exarch for pulling all the Scions here,” he shifted to be able to watch her easier as she continued on in a rush of words. “I understand why he did it, I don’t blame him for that, but for the turmoil and pain he brought me personally, it’s been difficult.” She bolted back upright causing Ardbert to jump back a bit.

“Do you think I’m wrong to not forgive him right away?” She was up and pacing in a quick line. “Well, forgive might be the wrong word, but to not be angry at him still? Everyone seems to have settled here without much effort or pain, and he took care of them as much as they’d allow when they arrived.” Sitting then falling back on the bed once more, she sighed again staring at the high ceiling.

“I suppose it’s all rhetorical, I can’t go hating him forever,” smiling she rolled over to look at the spectral Warrior who was looking down at her equally amused. It had been nice to have someone to come back to, to chat with, who understood. Their conversation continued into the night as Karo let stress fade–and let Ardbert tell her more of his world.

#ffxiv #FFXIVWrite2022 #karoiseka #exarch #ardbert #I've been taking screenshots and saving to a draft the night before #then adding the written stuff that I finish at work #it's worked well so far!

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unironic-freckles · 2 years

Text

I wish I had broken my arm instead.

I wish I had fallen so hard on my arm that the bone snapped under the pressure as I tried to catch my falling body on the grass. I was always told grass is supposed to be safer to fall on. I guess not.

I wish I had broken my arm on the hot, smelly blacktop of the old church parking lot where I used to ride donuts on my bike, then have torn a ligament in my knee on the grass of that soccer field.

It's so stupid. Such a lame reason to be this messed up over. And yet, now my leg can’t hold its own weight as I walk. I wear a brace so my knee doesn’t bend backwards on accident.

I can’t do much, at the moment. So, I deal. Filling my time with writing, and books, and people. But I don’t really like the people. They make me sick.

It’s their pity, mostly, that drives me up a wall. They all have these ideas and hopes and lies they tell me. To make me feel better. It’s all a load of bull.

They think they are saving me. Making my healing less hard, making my life easier. They think they are doing this great justice, that it is gold star worthy, to extend their sympathy to me.

They are attempting to soften the enormous blow my injury has caused me. They are failing quite miserably.

I am the charity case of the hour, and they are so shallow, it’s laughable.

I want to roar, scream bloody murder whilst waving my arms and pounding my fists. I want to find that tender thing inside my chest, the thing that aches and has been aching since I hit the grass. I want to squeeze it in my clutches and tear it out. Then howl what it’s been beating to say.

“I will not heal as fast as you want me to. I will not be better just because you say I will. Your words carry no weight because they simply cannot. You do not dictate how I am. This is not your pain or hurt or torn ligament and lame knee.”

I want to yell that at them. But that would be rude, and most unladylike.

I don’t think my mother would appreciate me being either.

Regardless of what my mother thinks, I will yell and be vile and mean and a major b-word if someone tells me one more god damned time that my lame knee and torn ligament happened for a reason.

Are you kidding me? Really? You’re going to tell the sad little girl, that the entire root of her very serious issues, all happened for a reason?

I hate you. I hate you so much that I hope it scares you and I hope it makes you feel bad. Then I hope that guilt eats you alive until you are as weak and pathetic as I felt every stupid minute I laid helpless in bed because I couldn't get my atrophied muscles and shattered heart to just make me move. And then I hope you never recover because you suck, so hard, if saying that sounded like a good idea to you.

I will go off the rails crazy psycho b-word on that person. Totally, unapologetically b-word. And I will enjoy it. Every second.

I am the only one who says I will heal, I will get better. Only I get to say how I am feeling, how I am doing, because this is my pain and torn ligament and lame knee.

I will bare my teeth and scream it is my choice, even if in the end, I don’t get to decide if that happens. Because it never truly was in my control, never was up to me because I never got to belong to myself. Not really.

I am lit on fire from the inside. I am raging and burning and not finished. I will take out anyone at the knees if they step on my toes one-more-time. I will carve out their eyes and eat them if they even think about belittling me anymore than I already have been. I want to combust and turn into this quiet, unfeeling thing.

I still have to deal. Be most ladylike and polite and put on a big nice sweet smile. To show that I will heal like they want me to, when they want. I will be just how they tell me I am.

I still wish I had broken my arm.

#serious injuries ae so hard to get through #so if you have dealt with them in the past #i am so proud #it gets easier but its a lot of work #its ... a process #for sure #anyways-#writing #poetry #vent writing #slayyy

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achillieus · 3 years

Text

we’re fools (bucky barnes x reader)

summary: for all bucky barnes knows, he hates clichés. and this thing between you two, happens to be the biggest one.

(enemies to lovers trope or i watched the society on netflix recently and based this entirely on harry bingham and cassandra pressman)

pairing: college au!bucky x reader

warnings: alcohol, a lot of sexual references, but also a lot of fluff, bucky and reader are in love, also bucky gets cheesy and he hates it

(other parts) (masterlist)

part 3/3:

Bucky thinks he fell in love on a Tuesday.

“This year, I’m gonna ask Peggy Carter out.” It’s the first day of their third semester and Steve is putting his black baseball cap in his perfect hair, checking his reflection on his phone screen. One of the freshman girls winks at him and he shyly half smiles.

Usually, Bucky would tease him about it, but now he’s attention is wholly on something else. Someone else.

A girl at the other end of the hall, holding a paper juice box, wearing a gaudy denim dress that stops right before her knees.

He’s certain he hasn’t seen her before and judging by the adrift look on her face he deduces she’s in her first year. Is she pretty? He can’t decide. She’s definitely something. And if he stares at her a bit longer than socially acceptable, well let’s say, it’s completely unintended.

“Buck, did you hear what I said?” Steve says at one point and Bucky isn’t sure for how long he has been lost in her figure.

“Yeah sure.” The girl starts walking at their direction -it must be your lucky day, Bucky-, clutching the golden heart jewel around her neck. She’s looking at the doors, she’s looking at the big campus map they have on the wall. She’s looking everywhere but at him and it’s almost offensive considering the amount of time he spent looking at her.

“I’m sorry,” And then she’s there standing a few steps behind Steve. Almost hidden behind his colossal demeanor. “I can’t seem to find the Admission Office.”

A small nervous laugh escapes her lips and Bucky watches the little wrinkles around her eyes, the subtle blush on her cheeks. She doesn’t look pretty. No. She looks consuming.

“Admission office is on the left, doll”. He replies a little too fast. He had to beat Steve. He had to talk to her.

She smiles at him and somehow, along that smile, Bucky thinks he fell in love. With you.

(bucky barnes has been in love with you for 563 days)

“Did you just kiss me?”

His voice is barely a whisper and his vision is blurry and it’s weird because suddenly he realizes how scared he’s of you. Of the power you have on him. An alarming craving. Every addiction he can’t control combined. Bucky isn’t afraid of many things, not exactly. But he’s afraid that you’ll take his heart and break it, if you want to. And he’s more afraid that he’ll just allow you to. He wonders, for the split of a second, if you have any idea how everything changed when your lips met his. How something inside of him shifted.

“I’m sorry,” You finally answer and he needs a moment to compose himself, “I’m so sorry I just thought-”

“Shut up, I’d died if you hadn’t kissed me.”

“What?”

It’s innocent and terribly oblivious, the way you ask him that and he half smiles, almost touches your palm before his mind stops racing. Ignores the alcohol in his body. Reminds him that he’s Bucky Barnes, that he’s clever and brilliant and a little bit narcissistic and that he doesn’t do love. Not anymore. And that people adore him for that. And that he needs to uphold it. At least try to.

“I’m not repeating that soppy thing I said,” He drawls and smirks, his teeth gleaming in the fluorescent light of the hall. He has his mask back on. He’s playing his part again. And then he takes a quick step, opens his door and turns around, swift motions and hard grips and suddenly your spine hits the walls of his room. “But you can repeat that sexy thing you did with your tongue.”

Bucky isn’t stupid. He knows he’d perish and wither in a blast if you asked him to, yet he would never admit that. At least not so fast. And specially not to you. He has built his persona so carefully, wore it like an armor, it has become a second skin.

His chapped lips scratch soft against your neck, his hands play with the end of your dress and you observe the way his orbs are colored darker now. He knows what he’s doing. It’s a show he’s practiced. His touch is sharp, like a razor, cuts through your epidermis, comes close to your veins and the muscles of your heart.

And you’re ready to close your eyes, savor every minute of it, offer yourself like an altar and let him wipe the rationality out of you, but the moment his fingers find the wet silk between your legs there’s pain and your throat dries out instantly.

“Bucky, wait.”

“What’s wrong doll?”

“Can we stop?”

There’s the cruel split of a moment where the anxiety inside of you flares up dangerously and you fill like on the edge of a cliff, like falling and it’s horrible. And then you see his body relax, breathing a sigh of relief and laughing.

“Thank God you asked.”

“Barnes,” you hit him with your elbow, “You’re doing wonders for my self esteem right now!”

“You’re an idiot,” he replies with a grimace, “It’s just that I’m drunk and I prefer if I’m not drunk when we have sex. I want to remember the whole thing.”

A strange sensation tingles somewhere between your ribs and your stomach, something so pure and new, and it raises goosebumps all over you. And you smile at him.

And somehow along that smile, Bucky’s mask starts to fall.

Bucky Barnes, you learnt within your first month in college, is a year older than you, a proud boy that always asks the right questions and always gives the right answers, with charms and wits of a living god.

Bucky Barnes, you learnt the night you kissed him in the narrow aisle, may have a sharp tongue but he also has the sweetest lips, soft and liqueur like.

Bucky Barnes, you learn some days later, doesn’t want many people to know about you two, and sits three tables away during lunch.

“Are you embarrassed of me?”

Your mind is racing with dozens of hurtful possibilities, some more or less, and Bucky looks at you, eyes widen and surprised.

“Why would I be embarrassed of you?”

“I don’t know,” you take the tea cup in your hands, drink and stay silent for a while, observe the way he’s fidgeting with his fingers, “Why else would you avoid me whenever there’s someone else but Sam around?”

It takes some time before he walks closer, sits next to you by his bedframe and touches your hand, your skin freezing under his.

“I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

Your heart almost stops, because Bucky is never scared, and his answer feels strangely heavy and bitter from his lips when he says, “I just don’t want anyone to ruin this.”

He doesn’t smile, doesn’t even smirk like he usually does, just stares at you with narrow eyes and a quick breath.

“Bucky, I hate it to break it to you,” you say, a glint of amusement in your voice, “But I don’t think others care that much about us.”

You cup his face in your hands, guide him backwards, his back hitting the pillow and it’s the first time he has no choice but to comply.

“And even if they do,” you breath in, wet your lips and tease the corner of his mouth with your finger, “It’s not our problem.”

Bucky grabs the back of your neck, shifts even closer to you, his heart not missing a beat. And when you kiss him, he smiles. And somehow along that smile, Bucky becomes more of himself.

It goes like this;

People read it in his eyes. How his gaze never leaves you even while you’re writing a test and he needs to concentrate, how he looks mesmerized when you braid your hair while scanning the textbook in front of you. How he could find you even in the middle of the biggest crowd.

People see it in your reactions. How your fingers always wrap around his wrist, almost instinctively, before he leaves, and you kiss him one time on the lips, and then one more on the cheek. How your voice changes as soon as he enters the room. How you’d know he’s here even without looking.

You really have to try to be oblivious to love.

(text messages between classes)

(10:26 AM) bucky: hey does taylor swift have to be playing in the background when we have sex

(10:27 AM) you: it’s not even noon bucky what the hell

(10:27 AM) bucky: i went through your spotify and APPARENTLY you have a “🍆🍆🍆” playlist

(10:27 AM) bucky: and it’s just taylor swift and hozier???

(10:27 AM) bucky: who the hell wants to have sex with a taylor swift song playing

(10:28 AM) you: I’m gonna kill you

(10:28 AM) bucky: nah <3

It’s surprisingly easy, dating Bucky Barnes, and by the end of the first month, you feel at home, at ease. He talks a lot, way more than you expected him to, he shares his favorites, the way he always underlines quotes he likes in the books he’s reading or how he never eats anything that has soy in it. He shows you everything about him, not just who he is, but who he’s ever been. And it’s beautiful.

And you observe how he breathes easier now, smiles more. He doesn’t keep his guard up, doesn’t flinch when nobody’s looking at him.

He thinks it’s weird.

He thinks it’s weird, because kissing has always been an act of foreplay to him and he never paid much attention, but now, with you, he could spend his whole life kissing you.

But when you start pulling at the buttons of his black expensive shirt, well, it’s not like he’s complaining. He presses his body against yours, his hands almost shaking, his fingers burying in your hair, slowly tugging.

“Bucky,” You breath in his neck, “I may be bad at this.”

“What?” He whispers as he leaves wet trails all the way to your chest.

“I haven’t done this before, so I may be bad at it.”

He stares right at your lips, notices your sweet cherry scent mixing with the sharp notes of his aftershave, touches the spot under your eyes and smiles.

“Guess we’ll have to do it over and over again then.” He’s half laughing, half kissing your shoulder and you can feel your cheeks flush and your entire being tighten.

And then his cold fingertips draw circles on your inner thighs and you close your eyes, and Bucky forgets how to breath.

“I probably sound like a fool but, I’m in love with you.”

You didn’t plan on saying it that early, but he’s here, warm and glistening and in your arms and you can’t go another minute without hearing the words out loud.

“And I probably sound competitive but, I’ve been in love with you since God knows when.”

(AH IT’S FINISHED BUT YAY THEY’RE IN LOVE)

tagging: @tonystankschild @osterfieldshollandgirl @roguesthetic @buckyjms @ohladymacbeth

#i had one of the worst months but hello hello i am back #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #college au #au!bucky barnes #college au!bucky #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x you #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan imagine #hassandra #fools

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arvinsescape · 3 years

Text

Everything to me.

A/N: My longest writing yet and i am actually really proud of this! I really hope the length doesn’t put anyone off and I will appreciate any feedback and constructive criticism. I really hope you all enjoy, this took me a few days to complete but I’m happy with the finished product.

Summary: Y/N has insecurities as a young mother and they seem to get worse all of a sudden, Tom reminds her how much she means to him.

Warnings: Mentions of smoking, swearing, smut (fingering, Oral (F rec), soft sex) Minors do not engage. May have missed a few typos...

W/C: 11K... Said it was gonna be a long one!

You’d met Tom when you were both nineteen and in university, he was studying for a Business degree and you’d been studying English. You’d met in a bar on a night out and the rest appeared to be history, you were head over heels for each other and although neither one of you were the other’s first you believed you’d be each other’s last. You both graduated with first class honours degrees and that’s when everything changed for the two of you.

You both graduated in September and Tom had taken over his father’s business by October, although he was only twenty one at the time it was what he’d spent his educational years working towards. You on the other hand fell pregnant, Tom had been supportive throughout, stuck by you and although it was a shock to both of you, you couldn’t be happier and neither of you would change Liam for the world.

“Tom, I need to tell you something.” You said nervously biting your lip as he got into bed.

“What’s wrong darling?” He asked, brows furrowed with concern as he removed your bottom lip from between your teeth with his thumb. He knew it was a bad habit of yours. “Don’t do that baby, you’ll make your lip bleed.” He whispered as he kissed you softly.

“Something’s happened.” You said and he kissed your cheek as he moved you to rest your head on his chest, running a hand through your hair.

“What’s wrong? You can tell me you know. Whatever it is we’ll work it out.” He said as he continued to run a hand through your hair. You felt sick with nerves, what if he left you? His career was only just starting and a baby would hold that back, hold him back. You swallowed back tears at the thought of being left alone to bring up a child.

“I’m pregnant.” You whispered so quietly that even in the silent room Tom didn’t hear you.

“What?” Tom asked as he brought you to face him. “Sorry baby, I didn’t catch that.” He said again.

“I’m,” you said as you gulped and he placed a reassuring hand on your cheek, face full of concern for you. “I’m pregnant.” You said again as tears made their way down your face, Tom was quick to wipe them away.

“Seriously?” He asked, a grin finding its way to his face. “You are?” He asked again and you nodded. He pulled you into a bone crushing hug as he placed kisses all over the side of your face. You giggled slightly before pulling back, hands placed firmly on his chest.

“You’re not mad?” You asked and he smiled.

“Mad? No. Shocked, absolutely but I’m happy.” He said as he ran his thumb over your cheek and you smiled at him.

“But what about your career?” You asked and he laughed slightly.

“Baby, I’m taking over my father’s business, I’m sure he’s still gonna be around to help out, especially if he knows he’s getting a grandchild.” He said as he kissed your forehead and you relaxed all together.

“I love you so much Tom.” You said as you fell back into his chest and he wrapped his arms around you.

“I love you so much, I’m so happy that we’re gonna have a baby.” He said and you smiled.

“You’re not gonna leave me?” You voiced your insecurity, he might be happy now but what about in a few months when you’d gained weight and become moody?

“Baby, I would never leave you, you’re everything to me.”

He didn’t leave you, he stuck by you through all of it. All of the cravings and mood swings, insecurities, everything. You got married just before you started to show, Tom was going to ask before he found out you were pregnant and you couldn’t have been happier together, moving things along quickly. His dad stayed on to help out, overjoyed by the news he was going to be a grandad, he facilitated Tom being able to be there for you and also helped him keep the business on track. The birth was long and painful and Tom was there for every single hour of your labour, he wouldn’t leave you for a second, when Liam was born you both cried, it was truly beautiful. It was all working out really well, apart from the fact that you didn’t have a job and that played into some of your insecurities.

“Do you ever think I take advantage of you?” You suddenly said half way through your TV show. Liam had gone down much easier that evening, you knew it was because Tom had been home to help put him to bed. Liam loved Tom, sometimes Tom was the only one who could calm him when he was screaming at the top of his lungs.

“What?” Tom asked, brows furrowed as he paused the show, attention fully on you now.

“I just worry because I don’t have a job and you do.” You said as you nibbled your lip, his thumb instantly removing it from between your teeth, this was a habit for the two of you.

“Sweetheart, you’ve just had a baby. I admire what you’re doing here. I go to work and I leave you here to look after our son on your own. I don’t expect you to have a job right now, money isn’t an issue. I don’t want you to get a job and make yourself more tired, there’s no need for that. We’re lucky to be in the position that we are.” He said and you sniffled, wiping your nose with your hoody sleeve.

“Baby, if you want to get a job, I support that but please don’t get a job because you think I think any less of you for not having one. You’re doing an amazing job here, doing what you’re doing. You’re an amazing mum and I’m so proud of you. I love you okay? Nothing is going to change that. You’re my everything.” He said and your heart melted. Tom had never shied away from his feelings when it came to you, he was always honest.

“I just want whatever makes you happy, okay beautiful?” He said again and you smiled as you nodded. “No one thinks you’re taking advantage of me, everyone knows how hard you work at home, how much you’ve taken on the responsibility of being a mother.” He continued and you hugged him, holding him tight, he was a man you never wanted to let go of.

Once Liam was old enough to be left with yours or Tom’s parents you tried to get a job but didn’t have much luck and years later you were still stuck in the same position. Tom was supportive, reminded you through each rejection that it was okay, that you’d find something eventually but no one wanted to hire a young woman with a young child. Your hours needed to be too specific for their liking and nobody gave you a chance.

You loved Liam and you wouldn’t change him for the world but the pregnancy had left you with insecurities, you tried so hard to lose the baby weight and although you lost some, you never lost it all. It changed certain elements of yours and Tom’s relationship, you became embarrassed of your stretch marks and weight. It didn’t matter how many times Tom told you he couldn’t care less about it, that he loved you for you, it never made the insecurities go away.

You and Tom had just returned home after a much needed date night, you’d both gotten a little tipsy and found yourself almost falling through the front door as you giggled. Liam was at your parents for the night, leaving you and Tom to have a night for yourselves.

“Shit.” Tom said as he caught you, arm around your waist as you stumbled taking your heel off, causing a fit of giggles to erupt from both of you. He turned you in his embrace as he kissed you, lips pressed firmly to yours as he pulled you closer by your waist, you instantly melted into the kiss, hands finding his hair.

“I fucking love you.” Tom mumbled against your lips as you fell backwards onto the couch, Tom making sure not to press all of his weight against you as he laid on top of you.

“I love you too Tom.” You said as he reconnected your lips, the kiss growing heated within seconds, his hips grinding against your own as you let out a pleasurable sigh. “Can we move to the bedroom?” You asked, nerves suddenly getting the better of you. Since having Liam, you and Tom hadn’t had sex anywhere other than the bedroom and with the light off. Tom tried to reassure you that this wasn’t a necessity, that he still found you beautiful but you still insisted almost three years later.

Tom nodded slightly as he picked you up carrying you to the bedroom. You stuffed your face into his neck to hide the embarrassment on your cheeks, you wished it was different, that you had the confidence to have sex with him with the light on but every time you tried you became more embarrassed.

The sex became different over the three and a half years. It was all missionary and the adventurous streak you’d once had had seemingly vanished, you worried he’d become bored, that the sex you were having wasn’t satisfying enough but you couldn’t bring yourself to make a change. It led to a few arguments over the years, mostly instigated by you and your insecurities getting the better of you. The one you’d had last month changed things between you. You’re insecurities had been eating away at you more than usual recently, leaving you much moodier than usual.

“Y/N…” Tom sighed as you reached for the lamp to switch it off. “You’re beautiful, you know that right. I love you more than anything.” He said again.

“I know.” You said dismissively and he sighed again and it made you angry. “Tom, I don’t want to have sex with the light on is that such a big deal?” You snapped.

“Y/N, when are you going to let me show you how much I love you? I know your body changed when you had Liam but I don’t care, I love you, I still think you’re beautiful.”

“You’ve said already.” You snapped again and he sighed as he moved off you, standing from the bed as he put his shirt back on. “Where are you going?” You asked angrily.

“I need a breather.” He said as he fished around in his jacket pocket. “I can’t keep doing this Y/N/N. I can’t.” He said as he pulled his packet of cigarettes from his pocket, fishing around in the other for his lighter.

“Can’t keep doing what?” You snapped, you were letting your insecurities get the better of you.

“I can’t remember the last time I saw you naked. You lock the bathroom door when you bath or shower now. You won’t let me watch you change and you won’t have sex with me unless the light is off.” He pointed out.

“And?” You fired back angrily, he shook his head in response, pulling his lighter from his other pocket.

“We are married.” He pointed out again.

“So?”

“I can’t keep having this conversation. We’ve done it for years. I’ve told you why it’s important. I love you I really do but things aren’t the same anymore and you know it.” He said and your anger flared.

“So what the way we have sex is the be all and end all of our marriage?” You snapped, you knew after the countless conversations you’d had that this wasn’t the case but you were letting your insecurities take over. Putting words into his mouth, you knew he was right, he wasn’t just talking about the sex.

“I can’t keep fucking doing this.” He said as he made his way out of the bedroom and down the stairs, an angry you in tow. Voices low as not to wake your three year old.

“Then why are you still with me?” You said angrily and he huffed as he made his way into the back garden.

“Because I love you, I really fucking do but our relationship isn’t the same anymore.” He said as he lit his cigarette, inhaling sharply.

“Sure it’s not just because we have a kid?” You fired back and there it was. Your biggest insecurity. He looked at you, shocked expression evident on his face.

“No that’s not why. Why are you so angry at the minute?” He said as he inhaled another drag of his cigarette.

“Fuck off Tom.” You snapped as you went back inside and up to bed. You weren’t sure why you were so angry with him all of a sudden, your emotions getting the better of you.

Things changed after that, you’d not had sex in that time and you’d kicked him into the spare bedroom. Your conversations became limited and he tried to make things normal again but you closed yourself off, your emotions became harder to control and your insecurities were getting the better of you.

“Daddy!” Liam shouted, alerting you that your husband was home. You heard as his bag hit the floor and the playful giggles that followed as Tom greeted his son. You sighed, you missed him but you were still angry with him.

“Hi darling.” He said as he made his way into the kitchen where you were.

“Hi.” You mumbled back in response. There was an awkward tension between the two of you now, the years of a changed relationship had seemingly caught up with you both.

“How was your day?” He asked and you shrugged as he sighed. “I heard you throwing up this morning, are you okay?” He asked, face full of concern.

“Yeah, picked up whatever Liam brought home from nursery last week.” You said and he nodded. You’d never had awkwardness like this, it was horrible and you wished it wasn’t there, you knew you should apologise but you couldn’t bring yourself to do so. “How was your day?” You decided to ask in return.

“It was busy, happy to be home.” He smiled sadly and you felt guilty, you loved him you really did but you couldn’t help the negative thoughts that were living in your head right now.

You missed the kiss you’d usually get and the hug after not seeing him all day, you missed being wrapped up in his strong arms as you both fell asleep.

“Mummy?” Liam’s voice dragged you from your thoughts.

“Yes sweetheart?” You smiled, he looked more and more like Tom every day, the only feature of yours he held were your eyes.

“What time is daddy home?” He asked, you looked at the clock, it was almost six, normally he’d be home around five fifteen. You bit your lip as your nerves grew, the metallic taste of your blood making its way to your tastebuds. You’d been doing it a lot recently, Tom always said this would happen; that you’d make your lip bleed from biting it so much and he was right.

“Soon love.” You answered, he’d been home late every night this week. Just as Liam was about to speak again Tom made his way through the door.

“Daddy!” Liam shouted as he ran at his dad, Tom instantly scooping him up with one arm.

“How are you doing little man?” Tom said as he kissed Liam’s cheek, free hand ruffling his curls. You watched from the couch, adoration clear on your face, he was an amazing father. He’d do anything for Liam. You missed him, missed being in his arms.

“I drew a picture today.” Liam said as Tom put him down and he made his way to his nursery bag, presumably fishing out the picture he’d drawn.

“Hi.” Tom said awkwardly and you smiled as he furrowed his brows, eyes trailing to your split lip. “You’ve been biting your lip.” He pointed out and you shrugged as he sighed. “Baby-“

“Daddy look.” Liam shouted, interrupting him, you made your way into the kitchen, Tom’s gaze following you, if you’d have turned around you’d have seen the longing look he was directing your way. He missed you, more than he could bare.

Tom looked at the picture his son had drawn, the whole family together and smiling. Tom longed for that, he wished you would see yourself the way he did, love yourself the way he did. Liam’s picture showed a happy family, everyone smiling and Tom found himself wishing it was a true reflection of what was happening between him and his wife at the moment but it wasn’t.

“I have a contract I’m finishing up, that’s why I was late.” Tom said as you boiled the kettle, making your bedtime tea, Liam had gone to bed a short while ago.

“Okay.” You answered and he huffed.

“Baby, I’m sorry.” He said and you turned to look at him. “I hate whatever this is that’s going on between us, I’m so sorry.” He said and you nodded as you sighed.

“I’m sorry too, my insecurities are getting the better of me and my emotions feel out of control at the minute.” You said and he nodded, standing, and making his way over to you.

“It’s okay. I miss you.” He said and you felt tears brim your eyes, you missed him too. “How about I look after Liam tomorrow night and you go and have some fun?” He said, he knew you’d not seen your friends in a while but this made you cry more.

“Thank you but I don’t think they’d want to.” You said and he furrowed his brows as he took you into his arms, you’d missed his scent.

“What do you mean?” He mumbled into your hair as he hugged you closer and tears slowly made their way down your face.

“Ever since Liam they’ve slowly drifted off, they don’t think I’m having the fun I should as a 25 year old.” You said and it was true, over the years more and more of your friends have lost contact with you due to the fact that you couldn’t go out with them like you used to.

“I’m sorry, how about I ask my mum and see if she’ll have him and I’ll take you out?” Tom was always conscious that you got days or evenings to yourself so you could have fun. You smiled slightly as you nodded. “I think we both need it darling.” He said and you knew he meant the two of you needed to spend some time together, especially after this last month.

“That sounds like a really good idea.” You said into his chest as he shot his mum a text. “I love you.” You said as you slightly wiped your tears on his shirt, he ran a hand through your hair and it comforted you, it always had done, he rested his chin on your head.

“I love you too. I need to go into the office tomorrow to finish up this contract, you can meet me there?” He asked as he got his reply from his mum, glad to accept the offer of having her grandson for the night.

You’d spent the entirety of the next day getting excited, it’d been a while since you’d been out and you looked at the clock as you got Liam’s things ready for the night.

“Now what do you do at grandmas?” You said as you helped Liam put his coat on.

“I do as I’m told even if she has different rules to mummy and daddy.” He said confidently. You and Tom had tried to instil the importance of respecting other people and their homes and items from a young age.

“That’s right.” You said and Liam smiled proudly at remembering the mantra you and Tom had set.

“Mummy, will I get to see daddy today?” He asked and you frowned slightly as you ran a hand through his curls, trying to tame them.

“No darling, daddy’s had to work and then we’re going out but you’ll see him tomorrow.” You said and he pouted.

“Can we go and see him before I go?” He asked and he had those same puppy dog eyes his father had managed to master. You laughed as you nodded, sending Nikki a text to explain you’d be a little later than planned.

Once you pulled up to Tom’s office building you heard Liam gasp, he always did when he saw the large building his dad worked in. You laughed again as you got him out of the car, saying hi to one of the security guards who let you straight in.

“Remember you have to behave here my love, this is daddy’s work.” You said as you watched Liam get more and more excited in the lift, you knew it was falling on deaf ears. He always got excited when he came to Tom’s office, he loved the chair Tom had because he could spin around in it. The lift doors opened and Liam almost bolted out of the lift and straight into the arms of Linda.

Linda was an elderly receptionist that had worked for the company for years, she was lovely and she absolutely adored Liam.

“Linda!” Liam giggled as she bent down to hug him, you smiled at the interaction.

“Hello Liam.” She said as she looked at you with a comforting smile. “Hello Y/N. Feels like a lifetime since I’ve seen you here.” She smiled, it had been a while, probably six months. “You look beautiful.” She said and you blushed slightly.

You were wearing sweats and one of Tom’s old t shirts, no makeup and your hair had been messily shoved up. You doubted you looked your best.

“Where’s daddy?” Liam asked as he looked around the room for his dad.

“He’s in his office my love.” Linda said and you both watched as Liam bolted towards the closed door, laughing as he did.

“Excuse me, you can’t go in there.” You heard a harsh voice as you followed Liam further into the office space, Linda huffed lightly at the voice. “Where’s your parents.” You heard again and you made your way towards the interaction. As soon as you saw her you heart dropped and you suddenly became more aware of how you looked.

A beautiful woman was sat at the secretaries desk, hair done perfectly, slim figure and beautifully done makeup. Tom hadn’t mentioned he’d hired someone new, you suddenly felt more insecure than you had in a while.

“I’m sorry, he’s mine.” You said as Liam gripped your leg, hugging you tightly, he thought he was in trouble. The woman scoffed.

“Did you have some sort of appointment, Mr Holland is extremely busy.” She almost snapped.

“Well no but Liam wanted to see him. I’m his wife.” You said and she looked you up and down, you felt insecure under her stare.

“Mr Holland is busy as I’ve said.” She snapped again and before you could open your mouth Linda spoke up.

“Gina, he won’t mind, he never does. Let them in.” She said and you felt grateful for her.

“I’ll call him and make sure it’s okay.” She said and she continued to eye you as she picked the phone up. “Mr Holland, there’s a woman here with a young boy, claiming to be your wife.” She said and your eyebrows shot up at her rudeness. Before you could say anything his office door opened.

“Hello darling.” He said as he picked Liam up. “Little man.” He said as Liam laughed loudly, you watched as Gina stared at your husband, clearly infatuated with him, then again who wouldn’t be? Liam wriggled to get out of his embrace, disappearing into his office and you knew you’d find him in Tom’s office chair if you followed.

Tom pulled you into him as he kissed you and smiled into it. You swear you almost heard Gina scoff but shook it off, he was your husband. “Not that I mind but what are you doing here?” He asked quietly.

“Liam wanted to see you, although now I’m not so sure if it’s just the chair he wanted.” You laughed and Tom playfully rolled his eyes.

“You look beautiful my love.” He said and you blushed again as you bit your lip. “Stop doing that.” He laughed as he tugged your lip from your teeth for what felt like the millionth time in your relationship.

“Hardly.” You scoffed and Tom shook his head.

“I love this chilled out mum look you have going on.” He said and he meant it, he thought you were beautiful regardless, but this had to be his favourite look.

“You look better than I did when I had kids.” Linda joined in as you turned to look at her, Tom’s arms instantly wrapping around your waist from behind as his head rested on your shoulder. You watched as Gina rolled her eyes at the interaction, attention back on the screen in front of her, she made you feel self-conscious, she was gorgeous.

“I’m sure that’s not true.” You laughed shyly and she smiled.

“You do my love. Tom is a very lucky man to have a woman like you.” Linda teased and Tom laughed.

“You’re not wrong there.” He said as he kissed your cheek before disappearing off to find Liam in his office.

“I need to go and get a coffee, do you want one?” Linda asked and you politely declined, you wanted to beg her to stay, not wanting to be left alone with Gina for too long. But here you were, awkwardly stood as she pierced you with her gaze.

“So how long have you been married to Mr Holland?” She asked, hands placed under her chin, she looked unbothered by you.

“Almost four years, it’s our anniversary next month.” You answered.

“How old is he?” She asked referring to Liam.

“Three and a half.” You said and she almost scoffed.

“Ah, so he married you because you were pregnant?” She asked, judgement laced throughout her tone.

“No. He was going to ask anyway.” You said confidently.

“That what he told you?” She asked, placing an insecurity you’d not had before into your brain, it was going to be lodged there for a while.

“It’s true.” You said, almost weakly and she shrugged, eyes going back to the computer.

“I’m sure, I’m sure.” She said unbothered and it made your blood boil as you almost stormed into Tom’s office, heart melting at the sight in front of you. Tom was spinning Liam in his chair as Liam laughed and you smiled, all anger dissipating.

“Come on you, we need to get you to grandmas.” You said to Liam and he pouted slightly. “I’ve heard she’s making your favourite for dinner.” You said and Liam jumped off the chair, making his way over to you as you and Tom laughed.

“Love you buddy, see you tomorrow.” Tom said and Liam ran back to him for one final hug. “Be good for grandma okay?” He said and Liam nodded.

“I love you daddy, bye.” Liam shouted as he ran towards the lift.

“Good bye Mrs Holland.” Gina spoke almost mockingly and you wanted to cry as you mumbled a good bye, Tom pulling you in for a last kiss.

“I’ll see you in about an hour?” He said and you smiled weakly as you nodded. “You okay?” He asked as he ran a thumb over your cheek.

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s nothing.” You reassured and Tom hesitantly nodded as you made your way towards the lift.

“I love you.” He called after you and you smiled as you said it back, Liam waving like a madman as the lift doors shut.

“Mummy?”

“Yes love?”

“I don’t like that lady, she was mean.” He said and you laughed at his childish words.

“Me neither baby.” You agreed.

The drive to Nikki and Dom’s was short as you thought over everything in your head, had Tom only actually asked you to marry him because you were pregnant? You couldn’t get the thought out of your head.

You arrived at their house, after pleasantries had been exchanged you found yourself having a brew with Nikki before you headed home to get changed.

“Nikki, can I ask you something? I want you to be honest.” You said and Nikki looked at you confused for a second before speaking.

“Of course you can my love.”

“Was Tom gonna propose before he found out I was pregnant?” You asked and Nikki’s hand shot towards yours as she ran a comforting thumb over it.

“Y/N, Tom had that ring for months. Ask your father, he asked permission months before you knew you were pregnant, he was going to propose as soon as the company became his. Love, I don’t know what’s going through your mind but my son loves you, every single part of you.” She said and you nodded as you felt your heart lift.

“I’ve never seen him so smitten. He loves you, he really does. He’d do anything for you and you know that. The day he told me you were pregnant, he cried because he didn’t think he could love you more than he already did and you proved him wrong. He loves the bones of you.” She continued and you smiled.

“I just get so insecure sometimes and I feel like I shut him out, it’s been worse recently.” You admitted and Nikki sighed.

“I did the same when I’d had Tom. I felt like everything changed. You need to let him in, he loves you, he’s not going anywhere.”

“But how do I do that when I haven’t for the last three and a half years?” You asked as a tear slipped down your cheek.

“Love.” She sighed. “You need to trust him when he tells you he loves you, you need to accept yourself for who you are and the changes you’ve been through, trust me, that boy is still as in love with you now as he was when he first brought you to meet me. The look of love and adoration on that boys face has never changed in the years you’ve been together. You’re lucky, you both are. You’ve created a beautiful human being out of the love you both share and he’s only fallen more in love with you watching you become the woman you are.” She explained and you nodded, taking in her words.

“There’s a woman at his office. She’s beautiful and I think she likes him.” You said and Nikki almost laughed.

“Sorry love. I don’t mean to laugh but my son is not interested at all. I don’t think the most aesthetically pleasing woman could turn his head, he adores you.”

You felt better after your conversation with Nikki as you headed back to Tom’s office after having gotten changed into something more outgoing. Gina had gone by the time you’d returned and Tom was just finishing up the contract before you found yourselves at one of your favourite restaurants.

“It’s good to finally be out.” Tom said and you nodded in agreement, it had been a while since your last date night. He grabbed your hand across the table and laced your fingers together, you felt yourself smile at the interaction, you really did love this man and Nikki was right, he never did anything that made you doubt his love for you.

“What can I get for you both?” The waiter interrupted and Tom gave him his order before the waiter looked at you.

“I think I’m going to go for the pesto pasta.” You said and Tom’s eyebrows shot up as the waiter nodded and disappeared.

“I didn’t think you liked pesto all that much.” He said and you shrugged.

“Fancied a change.” You answered and Tom nodded.

“Do you want to get a bottle of wine?” He asked and you shook your head.

“No I don’t really feel like drinking.” You said honestly. You hadn’t felt great for the past month or so, putting it down to the change in weather as autumn approached.

“Are you still ill?” He asked and you shrugged.

“Just a cold or something.” You said and his face looked concerned for you, he hated when you were ill.

“You sure? You’ve still been throwing up.” He pointed out, of course he’d heard your morning wake up calls, he was always up early for the gym.

“Yeah, it’s just a stomach bug I swear.” You said.

“It’s pretty persistent, maybe we should book you a doctors appointment?” He suggested and your heart felt full at his concern over you.

“I will, if it carries on I will.” You said and he smiled.

“Good.” He said as you sipped your water. “I’ve missed you.” He suddenly said, eyes full of longing.

“I’ve missed you too. I’m sorry, I’ve just felt really shitty lately.” You said and he nodded.

Your night went well, neither of you realised how tired you were until you ate and suddenly you both felt sleepy and as soon as you both got into bed you were asleep. You slept better in his embrace that night, missing his warmth and the safety you felt from having him back in bed.

You woke up as you usually did with the urge to vomit, unwrapping yourself from Tom’s arms as he groggily woke up, confusion lacing his features as he watched you bolt to the bathroom. He heard as you emptied the contents of your stomach into the bowl and sighed as he got up, feet padding into the bathroom. You were sat with your back against the wall, sweat covering your features, you looked tired. He sighed again as he sat next to you and brought your head into his chest, he felt your forehead and frowned.

“You’re quite warm baby.” He said and you nodded slightly.

“I’ll be okay.” You said and he huffed.

“You need to book a doctor’s appointment.” He said firmly and you knew there was no point in arguing. When it came to you and your health he took it very seriously.

“Okay.” You agreed as he kissed your head.

“Okay let’s get some sleep before we have to pick Liam up.” He said as he stood you both up, you quickly brushed your teeth as you made your way back into bed, you laid your head on his arm as he spooned you, arm draping around your waist as he lifted your (his) shirt to rub the skin of your stomach.

It suddenly made you feel insecure. What if he could feel your stretch marks? You tensed slightly in his embrace.

“What’s wrong?” He asked as you tried to move the shirt down so there would be a layer between his hand and your skin.

“I’ve got stretch marks.” You said quietly and he placed kisses all over your cheeks.

“Baby, I love you.” He said and you smiled. “You’re everything to me, you know that right? I want you to know that. I love you and I really wish you’d love yourself the way I do.” He said and you relaxed slightly in his embrace, Nikki’s words resonating through your mind.

You’d gotten a rare weekday off with Tom, he’d gotten up to take Liam to nursery and joined you back in bed. He’d carefully woken you up with gentle kisses to your face and neck. You woke up wet and horny, instantly pulling him into a kiss. It also seemed like a rare day you hadn’t woken up feeling ill.

“Morning baby.” He whispered against your lips as you smiled.

“Morning.” You mumbled as he pressed his lips against yours again. It was a very long time since you’d had morning sex. The opportunity didn’t present itself often but you weren’t going to let this one pass you by. Your hands slid into his hair and he groaned as you tugged lightly at the curls.

“I fucking love you.” He said as he disconnected your lips and trailed kisses down your neck. He reached for lamp that he’d flicked on earlier, intending to turn it off, you had extremely thick curtains so light wouldn’t wake you in the summer months, you were a light sleeper. You found an ounce of confidence in yourself that you’d not had for a while. You couldn’t carry on like this, you needed to start trusting him with your body, even if you only took small steps.

You reached for his hand and laced them together and he looked at you confused as you brought his knuckles to your lips.

“Leave it on.” You said and he smiled as he kissed your forehead.

“You sure?” He asked and you nodded as you bit your lip, he raised his brow at you and you instantly released as he smiled and kissed you again. His hand trailed down to your pyjama pants as he played with the hem and you almost moaned at the contact, it’d been a while since you’d felt this needy for him. He trailed kisses down your neck again as his hand found its way into your pants, you moaned as his finger trailed up your heat, feeling how wet you are.

“Fuck baby, you’re soaked.” He said and you moaned as his finger circled your clit lightly. “God you get so wet for me, so needy.” He said and you moaned again as he put more pressure on your clit. “Missed hearing those beautiful sounds.” He said as he bit your earlobe. It wasn’t often you could be loud in bed and you were seizing this opportunity to be.

“Tom, please.” You almost begged, he was putting pressure on your clit, but not enough. It had been a while since you’d been vocal in bed and he was almost shocked when he heard your voice but quickly recovered.

“Please what sweetheart?” He said and you lifted your hips to try and create more pressure.

“Tom, I want more, please.” This time you did beg.

“Whatever my wife wants, she gets.” He said as he put the amount of pressure on your clit that he knew you needed.

You became a moaning mess as he fingered you, praising you and whispering all his dirty thoughts into your ear when his phone rang. He ignored it the first few times but it was becoming a distraction for the both of you.

“Tom, will you please shut that off?” You said and he laughed as he kissed your cheek, reaching for his phone, brow furrowed as he studied the screen. “What?” You asked and he shook his head.

“Nothing just work. I’ll sort it later.” He said as he went to shut off his phone but you stopped him.

“You should probably see what it is.” You said and he shook his head.

“Not today baby.” He said and you sighed, his staff knew not to bother him on his days off unless it was important. “I’ll sort it later.” He said as his phone rang again in his hand.

“Answer it.” You encouraged and he cursed before apologising putting the phone to his ear.

“What?” He answered in an almost snappy tone that made you hold in a laugh. Your stomach dropped when you heard the familiar voice at the other end, jealousy rising in your stomach.

“Mr Holland. I’m really sorry to bother you, I hope you weren’t doing anything important.” You heard Gina’s voice.

“What’s wrong? It’s my day off.” He asked as he sighed. You sat up and crossed your arms over your chest the feeling of jealousy settling in your chest. He furrowed his brows as he watched you, taking your hand in his.

“Mr Reed has been calling all morning, he wants a meeting at twelve to go over a couple of things in the contract, he says it will only be an hour.” She said and Tom squeezed your hand as he looked at you apologetically.

“One minute.” He said as he covered the speaker with his hand that was holding yours. “Baby I’m sorry but I need to go into the office for a short while, I promise I’ll only be an hour and a half.” He said apologetically and you put on a fake smile as you nodded. He removed his hand and spoke through the phone again. “Tell him I’ll be there.” He said.

“Brilliant.” You heard her say almost excitedly. “I look forward to seeing you Mr Holland.” It almost sounded like she purred down the phone and your blood boiled as your nostrils flared.

“Bye.” Tom said in response. He took in your angry features as he put the phone down. “You okay?” He asked and you huffed.

“I don’t like her.” You said and he furrowed his brows.

“Who?”

“That secretary of yours.” You almost snapped.

“Gina? Why?” He asked.

“She likes you.” You stated and he sighed.

“Baby, I don’t think she does. Anyway it wouldn’t matter, I love you.” He reassured as he kissed your forehead. You nodded slightly in response trying to push the jealousy you felt back into your mind. “Baby?” He said when you didn’t respond for a minute. “Baby? I’ll be back soon okay, I love you.” He said and he sighed when you didn’t respond getting off the bed and disappearing into the bathroom to shower.

Your emotions suddenly got the best of you, you were angry. You felt like you’d tried to make a step and now he was ditching you to go to work. The rational part of your brain knew it was poor timing and that he couldn’t help it, he had to go into work to sort this contract, it was a huge one for his company and the man he was liaising with was very demanding.

“I love you.” He said as he buttoned his shirt up.

“I love you too.” You said from your spot on the bed.

“How about you meet me at the office? We can go for lunch?” He suggested and you nodded. “I’ll seen you soon princess.” He said as he kissed your forehead and made his way out of the door, you heard as he shut the front door and you picked up a pillow as you screamed in frustration into it. You felt like you had no control over the jealousy and anger coursing through you. You hoped your doctors appointment tomorrow would answer a few questions for you.

Tom was getting worried about you, you’d been quieter recently, you’d told him that Gina made you feel insecure and it didn’t matter what he said you didn’t seem to listen. Your emotions seemed to be out of control and you were yet to tell him what happened at your doctor’s appointment that was almost a month ago. He’d tried bringing it up but you just shut the conversation down and to say it added to his worry for you was an understatement.

You’d had insecurities for years and Tom was aware of them, he tried to help but he was running out of ways to help you, you barely had sex at the moment, although when you did, you allowed the lamp to be left on so long as the duvet was involved to cover you both. He loves you, he really does and he sighed as he played with his wedding ring thinking about the argument you’d had last week.

“I don’t like her Tom. She flirts with you in front of me and it’s starting to piss me off.” You snapped at him and he ran a hand through his hair.

“Y/N, I don’t know what you want me to do.” He sighed.

“Get rid of her.” You stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world and he ran a hand down his face.

“I can’t do that. She’s good at her job, what would I fire her for? I have no evidence that she’s inappropriate towards me and she could sue for unfair dismissal.” He pointed out.

“Tom, she eye fucks you every time she looks at you.”

"I’m not interested. I don’t know how many times I have to say it.”

“I don’t trust her.”

“You should trust me.” He said and hurt laced his tone, your face instantly dropping.

“Tom, I’m sorry. I do trust you. She just makes me feel so insecure, she’s gorgeous.”

“I don’t think she is, Y/N, I love you. Why can’t you just accept that? Accept that I love you for you. I’m tired, I really am darling, I can’t keep going round in circles with you.” Tom sighed.

“What are you saying?” You asked sceptically and he sighed.

“I don’t know Y/N, I just know I’m tired of this cycle.” He said before making his way up to bed and leaving you on the couch to think everything through.

Things had been a little awkward since, you had been quieter around him, almost frightened to speak and he hated it. He didn’t wanna lose you but he felt like he was, your insecurities had seemingly gotten the better of you, he thought you’d been making progress and then a couple of months ago you became colder, snappier and he didn’t know what to do.

“Where’s your head at?” Harrison pulled him from his thoughts and Tom sighed.

“Y/N/N.” He said and Harrison’s eyebrows furrowed.

“What about her?”

“She’s so insecure and I don’t know what to do to help.” Tom sighed. “She has been since she had Liam but it’s gotten worse over the last two months.” He continued.

“How’d you mean?” Harrison asked.

“She won’t let me see her body, hasn’t since Liam really.”

“What? You’ve not seen her naked?” Harrison asked.

“No. Well yeah, but only on rare occasions.” Tom elaborated. “I don’t understand, she’s fucking gorgeous, I love her so much. Gina makes her feel insecure.” Tom said and Harrison raised his brows again.

“Tom, mate. Maybe you’ve both let this go on too long. It’s your anniversary today, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Tom smiled, you’d been married four years today and he felt ecstatic.

“You should go home and you should take control. Don’t let her shy away back into herself. Make her understand how you feel, don’t let her get too stuck inside her head. Maybe try counselling, loads of couples have it.” Harrison suggested and Tom sighed.

“Maybe you’re right, she’s been through so many changes at such a young age and I think I need to remind my girl what she means to me, that I’m not just with her because we have a child together or out of convenience or anything, thanks mate.” Tom smiled slightly and Harrison placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

“You’ll be okay. You both will. You’re rock solid.”

Tom’s day was slow, the anticipation of seeing you tonight was kicking in as he watched the end of his shift roll onto the clock in front of him, just as he was packing up his things he heard a knock at his door.

“Come in.” He said and he watched as Gina made her way through the door. “What’s up?” He asked and she smiled at him, it seemed almost mischievous.

“Mr Holland, I was hoping to catch you.” She said as she walked towards him, hips swinging more than usual.

“What do you need? I’m in a bit of a hurry.” He said in the most polite way possible.

“What are your plans for the evening?” She asked as she leant on his desk. Cleavage showing as Tom looked away awkwardly.

“It’s my anniversary, need to get home to my wife.” He said and she laughed harshly.

“Come on Tom. She can’t seriously make you happy? I’ve seen how stressed you’ve been lately. Let me relieve some of it. She’s clearly not.”

“Gina, this is inappropriate.” Tom stated firmly and she smiled cockily at him.

“Oh come on Tom. You must want someone better.” She said as she walked around the desk and set on the edge of his desk in front of him, he instantly stood up and created a distance between them. She laughed again.

“I won’t tell if you won’t. I can offer you so much more, I’m put more effort into myself, I’d look good for you every day, not just on a rare date night. I work and from what I’ve heard she doesn’t. I don’t have the body of someone who’s had a kid, no stretch marks or extra weight.” She said and every word was making Tom angrier, how fucking dare she?

“Gina, I suggest you leave.” Tom said firmly.

“Fine. Go home to your boring house wife, try not to think about me while you’re having boring, mediocre sex with a boring, mediocre woman.” She said as she hopped off his desk and his anger boiled at her words. He needed her to leave. Just when he thought he’d get his wish she spun around to speak again. “I wouldn’t keep you chained at home because of some kid.” She said and Tom’s anger boiled over.

“I expect your two weeks’ notice on Monday.” He stated firmly and her jaw dropped. “Or I am letting you go for inappropriate behaviour. You know nothing about my wife and our relationship, she is more of a woman than you will ever hope to be. She’s beautiful without having to try, she’s kind and she’s given me a son I love more than anything. You do not belong in my company and I will quickly be finding your replacement. That will be easy. You were stupid however, to believe you could replace my wife, she is one woman who is irreplaceable in my life."

“As for the remarks about her body, she has given me the greatest and most treasured gift I’ve ever received and that is the pleasure of being a dad, my son means the more than anything to me and if it wasn’t for my wife he wouldn’t be here, so I would appreciate it if you kept your comments to yourself and shut your mouth.”

He finished his rant and watched her angrily storm out of his office as he slumped back into his chair, running his hands over his face, you were right, she couldn’t be trusted. Tom sat there and thought about you for a solid fifteen minutes, alone in his office.

He loves you and he’s going to prove it, Harrison was right, he needed to take control of the situation, not let you shy away from him. Maybe some counselling would be of benefit but he didn’t care, it was nothing to be ashamed of. If it’s what you needed then he’d do it for you, he’d do anything for you. He had let this go on for too long, he realised as he sat there that you’d both fallen into a routine and not spoken as much as you should when these insecurities first made an appearance.

It wasn’t as if you’re marriage was unhappy, it was incredibly happy but the last couple of months had been hard on you both. He sighed as he made his way to his car, you were his everything, you were the person he wanted to grow old with, he didn’t want anyone else. He was itching to get home to you now, wishing the journey would be faster despite the short amount of time it took him to get home. He was glad it would just be you in when he got home, Liam was staying at your mum’s for the night.

As he approached the front door and unlocked it he was quick to throw his things to the side and hang his jacket up. His feet padded around the house until he found you in the library reading, it was always your escape, something you found comfort in and he loved catching you when you had your head stuck in a book. He found it so domestic and it filled his heart with a warmth only you could. He still loved you as much now as he did when he fell for you all those years ago.

“Hi princess.” He said and he laughed lightly as you jumped, you’d been so stuck into your book you’d not heard him.

“Tom! I didn’t hear you come in.” You said and he laughed.

“Clearly.” He snorted and watched as you smiled at him, god it was a beautiful smile, Liam had the same one. “Happy anniversary.” He said and your smile widened.

“Happy anniversary.” You said as you put your book down and he approached you, extending his hand, you took it, furrowed brows.

“We’ve got an hour before we need to start getting ready to go out.” He said and you smiled again. “Come with me.” He said as he led you out of the library and into the bedroom. “Stand.” He said as he motioned in front of him. You looked confused but did anyway. “Turn around.” You did and you were met with the mirror that was on your wardrobe.

“Tom-“ You started but he cut you off.

“Baby, I love you.” He said and he kissed your temple, eyes connected with yours through the glass of the mirror. “Every inch of you is perfect.” He said and you blushed, almost on instinct his thumb came to your bottom lip before you could bite it.

“What are you doing?” You asked and he smiled at you as he kissed your neck.

“I want you to see what I do. Love yourself like I do.” He said and his tone was so gentle that you could have cried with how full your heart felt. “You have such a beautiful face.” He said as he kissed your cheek. He lifted your top and took it off, your head instantly turning so you weren’t looked into the mirror. “Princess, look.” He said and you blushed, his hand coming round to grasp your chin, pulling your face back to the mirror.

You watched as he peppered kisses along your shoulder. “You are perfection to me.” He said as he slowly unclipped your bra, letting it fall to the floor. He continued to place kisses to your shoulder and you reached up to run a hand through his hair, you found it comforting. You swallowed your nerves at him seeing your body, he loved you, he still thought you were beautiful.

You started to say it over and over again in your mind as your nerves settled, he continued to whisper all the things he loved about you into your ear as your head rested back onto his shoulder. He slowly took your leggings and underwear off before standing back up and wrapping his arms around your waist, placing his chin on your shoulder.

“Baby, you have nothing to be insecure about, I want you to look at yourself. You’re perfect, I don’t want anyone else, you’re it for me, you’re my everything. You’ve given me a beautiful son and you shouldn’t punish yourself for that, you might have had a few changes but I still love you the same, if not more. Princess, I need you to trust me when I say it.” He said as his eyes scanned your body, you really were beautiful, every stretch mark a reminder that you’d brought your beautiful child into the world and he couldn’t be more grateful to you.

He watched as the blush in your cheeks calmed the more he praised your body, your insecurities being fought back by his truths and he knew it was a step forward, you still had many more to take but it was a start, he loves you and he’s willing to do anything for you, wait as long as you want.

You felt your insecurities dissipate the more he spoke, you had to let him in, you had to let him heal you, see you. You’re married, you love each other. You turned your face as you pulled him closer to you, his head turning as you caught his lips in a kiss, it was sweet at first until it grew deeper, needier, and more desperate.

“Tom, I want you.” You said and he peppered kisses down your neck, he turned you around to face him, one hand in your hair and the other on your waist. He pulled you closer to him as you continued to kiss, tongues finding each other’s as they fought for dominance that Tom won. He walked you back until you were on the bed, back hitting the mattress.

“Gonna make you feel good.” He said into the skin of your neck and you shivered in anticipation, growing more aroused by the second. He kissed down your body and you let out a shaky breath as his breath fanned your clit. He licked a stripe through your wet folds and almost moaned at the taste, he listened as you moaned out. “Sound so hot baby.” He spoke against you and the vibrations shot straight through your body.

He lapped at your clit as you moaned his name, occasionally sucking your clit before releasing it and gentle licking it again. You threw your head back at the sensations and Toms hand came up to lace with yours, you felt him leave your clit for a second and just as you were about to ask why he stopped he spoke.

“I want you to look at me princess. I want to watch your beautiful face as you come apart on my tongue.” He said and you almost moaned at his words when you felt his tongue on your clit again. You snapped your eyes to his and the look in them sent new waves of pleasure through your system. The intimacy making you more aroused, you could see the clear lust in his eyes but the look of love and adoration was there too.

He moved his free hand and circled a finger around your entrance as he continued to suck and lick at your clit and you moaned as he slid his finger in, never breaking eye contact and it was hot, your insecurities moving further into the back of your mind in this moment. You loved him so much and you knew he loved you. You moaned as you felt him add a second finger, curling them towards your g spot.

Every lick and stroke against your clit and g spot was bringing you closer to your edge as you looked into each other’s eyes as he brought you closer. Your orgasm was fast approaching and you squeezed his hand, using it as an anchor to keep your hips still. “I want you to come for me princess.” He said as he sucked your clit, a little harsher this time as his fingers stroked your g spot faster and more frequently.

You felt yourself barrel over the edge and into the waves beneath, getting lost in your orgasm as you threw your head back, eyes closed as you moaned his name and he fucked you through your high with his fingers. You came down from your high as he made his way back up your body, kissing every inch he could on the way. You reached down to unbuckle his belt and he stopped you.

“Not tonight my love, this is about you.” He said and your heart melted, you loved this man. He brought his fingers to his mouth and licked them clean, your arousal grew again as you watched him. He reached into the bedside table and as he was about to pull out a condom you stopped him.

“Don’t need one tonight.” You said and he looked at you eyebrows raised.

“Darling, are you saying you want to try for another?” He asked and you shrugged as you grinned at him and he kissed your cheek multiple times. “I love you so much.” He spoke and you returned the words as he slipped into you, giving you a minute to adjust, you both moaned, not having the barrier of a condom made it feel so much better. He looked at you for approval before you nodded, giving him permission to move.

He rolled his hips slowly against your own as he laced both your hands together, bringing them both above your head as you both moaned. It was slow and passionate and everything you needed, you realised the light was still on but couldn’t bring yourself to care, he was showing you just how much he loved you through his actions. You moaned as he shifted his hips to angle perfectly to hit your g spot.

“Fuck, you feel so fucking good.” He moaned. “Always feel amazing.” He said and you moaned.

“I love you.” You moaned out as he continued his slow and passionate pace, this was about more than just getting off and you both knew it.

“I love you so much. So lucky to have you as my wife, wouldn’t ever want anyone else, you’re my everything.” He reminded you of the words he’d said ever since you first told each other you loved each other. His thrusts grew sloppier as you both chased your highs, moaning together as his pubic bone rubbed against your clit. He pulled back slightly to look into your eyes and that was enough to send you over the edge again, moaning as you felt him finish inside you. He fucked you both through your highs as you came down together.

He collapsed on top of you and you ran your fingers through his hair as he ran his hands up and down your sides, placing kisses to your chest every now and again. It was quiet for a while as you both caught your breaths. He was still lodged inside you.

“I mean it you know. I love you.”

“I love you too.” You said as you kissed his hair and continued to run your hands through it. He kissed your shoulder as he took in a breath and pulled out of you before getting off the bed and picking you up bridal style. He carried you into the bathroom as you cleaned yourselves up and he set the bath going as you went to the toilet.

He came back into the room with towels and bubble bath, adding the liquid to the water and you smiled at the gesture, he was never really one for bubble bath but you loved it. Five minutes later and you found yourself with your back to his chest as he wrapped his arms around your shoulders and you ran a hand up and down his fore arm. The excitement of the news you had getting the better of you as you spoke.

“I’m pregnant.” You said and you felt his head lift from your shoulder.

“You’re what?” He asked in shock and you laughed.

“I can’t believe we both missed it.” You said through giggles and he joined.

“Yeah makes perfect sense. I knew you weren’t a big fan of pesto.” He teased and you laughed. “Seriously though? You’re pregnant?” He asked again and you nodded furiously.

“Nine weeks. We weren’t overly careful after one of our date nights” You confirmed and he peppered your cheek with kisses.

“Oh baby, I’m so excited. I love you so much. Liam’s gonna be a big brother.” He said excitedly as you kissed his bicep. “I’m gonna be a father of two.” He said.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, I wanted to wait until today.” You said and he kissed your shoulder.

“It’s fine princess. I’m so happy.” He said and you felt a tear run down your shoulder and you spun around to look at him, happy tears in his eyes.

“Tom.” You said as you wiped at his tears.

“I’m just so happy.” He said and you smiled. “Sorry, I cried over Liam too, just once the shock of it had sunk in. I think I had my suspicions this time around. God, I’m lost for words.” He said and you kissed him. “You are perfect my love, two more and we’ll have that big family we wanted.” He said and you laughed.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, childbirth is no easy task.” You teased and he kissed you, smiling into it before he brought your left hand up to his face and kissed your wedding ring.

“I couldn’t have found a more perfect partner.” He said as he placed his forehead against yours, your heart filling with so much love for him, it was almost overwhelming. He was going to tell you about Gina but he would wait for a better day, nothing was going to ruin this moment for the two of you.

You made love so many times that night you lost count. Reminding each other how much you loved each other, he didn’t leave an inch of your body untouched by the love he has for you and although you had a long way to go, you were making progress and he knew you’d get through it together as you would anything because you loved each other and neither of you could imagine a future without the other.

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland one shot #tom holland smut #tom holland angst #tom holland fluff #tom holland au #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x reader #dad!tom #ceo!tom

640 notes · View notes

christinebloodwrittings · 3 years

Note

Loved your Bad Aim story!! g/t content can be niche and hard to write, you did a great job!! Anywho I would like to request a fluff filled sequal. In Bad Aim its mentioned that Jotun Loki likes to pamper y/n the way they deserve and I think a sequal should elaborate on that. I image there'd be alot of cuddles and praise from Loki as he seems liked he'd never miss an opportunity to cuddle or compliment y/n.

Never thought 'Bad aim' would have a sequel, so I'm actually doing something fun 💚💚.

Thanks for your request!!

Previous part: Pt1

*My requests are open*

Pairing: Jötun Loki x Fem!Reader

Summary: (Sequel to Bad Aim) Loki loves pampering you, but there's a reason for that, and it has relation with how you two met.

Words: 1543

Warnings: Abuse, PTSD, self-harm. (And an overwhelming amount of fluff)

Loki Taglist: @otakumultimuse-hiddlewhore @high-functioning-lokipath @thereadinggeek

2012

"Agent 32-1, come in 32-1" Maria's voice came through the communicator, "I have eyes on the target, permission to approach required" You saw as the giant paced along Stark's suit.

"Permission granted" your only mission was to immobilize the giant in order to make it easier for Thor.

You waited for him to be distracted and then ran up to him with gun that was going to shoot a net, unfortunately he sensed you and was quick to grab you by the neck, lifting your body from the ground.

"Stupid mortal, you thought you would sneak up to me?" He mocked, squeezing your neck a bit more, you tried to squirm out of his grasp but the air in your body was making your movements a bit sloppy, so it was useless. "Now, how fun it would be for my brother to be fighting you" he touched your chest with his scepter and let go of you.

"STAY AWAY!" you screamed out of a sudden, startling him a bit, "YOU PROMISED ME YOU WOULDN'T GO AWAY!" You wrapped your head in your arms as you stumbled backwards, seeing old flashbacks.

"YOU LEFT ME!" You yelled in between sobs, "WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE ME?!" He felt weird, the other agents didn't have that reaction, you were crying inconsolably and you took off your bulletproof vest as if it burned you, then you dug your nails into your forearms, scratching your skin until it turned red.

"Hey, stop, why are you doing that?" The giant tried to take your hands off your arms but you were very strong, same reason why it was easy for you to almost tear your skin off your arms.

"LOKI" Thor shouted as he entered the tower, "Brother, I…I don't know how to stop it" it was the first time Thor has seen his brother so desperate to fix something. He saw how you were shaking and crying and he knew it was because of the scepter, not Loki's direct doing.

"Just hold the scepter to her heart and revert it" Thor instructed calmly, "Why would you leave me alone there? They...they did this" he heard you mumble between sobs, you looked so broken, your eyes connected with his, never looking away, he touched you again with the scepter, changing your eyes back to normal.

Loki looked less intimidating, but he was still caught by Thor, who slipped a pair of shackles on Loki's wrists while he was focused on you.

Your eyes fell on him once more as you regained your senses, his eyes were so sad, they reflected an internal pain that roared like the ocean, something that the handcuffs on his wrists were not going to fix. He wasn't bad, he was just hurt, you wanted to get close but Tony and Clint took him away.

Years ago, you weren't part of SHIELD, you were a prototype, a guinea pig for the super soldier serum attempts that Hydra wanted to replicate. The toxins and violence worked on you, you made them believe that you were not weak, you never gave in to their words or their attempts to destroy you, you always fought and stood firm and with your head held high. But it was an illusion.

Loki's sentence was not very severe thanks to Thor pleading for him because of the mercy he showed you by wanting to save you from that horror. They locked him up for five days and five nights, and as soon as he was free, the first thing he did was ask Heimdall to look for you, he did it with a side smile, when he found out where you lived the Bifrost sent him near that block, he wanted to pick up some things before knocking on your door.

But what exactly? Did you like flowers? maybe you are allergic. Or chocolates? but maybe you don't like sweets.

He thought about it several times and he decided to just play and discover that kind of thing with you.

Why was he so intrigued with you? Neither did he know, but he had no doubt that he wanted you to be well, he felt something special, as if you knew his torments.

It was late at night, when he wanted to knock on the door he froze when he heard something shatter, his nerves were on alert mode, he had his daggers ready when he knocked on your door, "Shit!" she heard you curse before your footsteps approached the door.

And there you were, in nothing more than pajama pants and a sweatshirt that was too big for your body.

"It's you" you said outlining a smile, "Are you okay? I heard something break" he was worried, even more when he saw your fingers, you cursed because you cut yourself.

"Oh, it's nothing, I dropped a vase, what an idiot, right?" he brought his hands to yours, watching your blood stand out on his icy skin.

"Can I help you?" He asked out of pure and innocent care. You, dumbfounded, pulled his hands carefully inward, without taking your eyes off his.

“I saw a piece of your visions caused by the scepter” you looked away, he was being so careful with your fingers as he cleaned the cuts and put on some band aids, but when you thought it better you looked back at him confused. “I can read minds” he cleared out.

“It’s not my place, but I want to ask” he waited for your approbation nod before he popped the question, “Having lived through that hell, what made you go back to the field?” he was now caressing your hands, playing with the hem of your sweatshirt sleeve, “I just wanted to feel something, after all of that I…I wanted also to show them I could be more than just a test subject”.

When your voice broke was the moment in which he opened his arms and you felt completely free to jump onto his chest, his hands held your back and head against each other, drawing circles with his thumbs, "You will not have to fight with me, let go, you are safe… I promise that I will kill whoever dares to hurt you "you giggled against his neck, he smelled very good.

"I don't deserve you" you whispered, to which Loki moved your head and gently kissed your cheeks and your forehead, "You deserve this and much more, I’m going to make it my life purpose if I have to”.

“What, pampering me? What for? You don’t even know me, and I tried to hurt you” he chuckled, “You snapped me out of Thanos’s control, princess, but you won’t have to scream like that anymore, I’ll be your knight” You grabbed his face to plant a kiss on his lips, “Just promise me you’ll stay, that’s all I need…tell me what you need” his heart fluttered in his chest, you kind of felt it.

“I need…” he took a moment before answering, until he was sure, “To hug you and spoil you until you implode in a cloud of happiness”.

In the first months you did not believe anything to him, but your trust problems dissipated quickly with him, you gave him everything of you, even the night in which the two finally consummated the act, Loki was in charge of kissing and marking on each one of the scars that Hydra had left on your skin, replacing the octopus symbol with a snowflake with its horns, you were his, and he gave you his heart.

Every time he pampered you he felt complete, he felt yours, safe and invincible, he loved that feeling, he loved you.

"Y/n" he repeated your name as if it were the sweetest poem, "Yes, stalactite?" you named him like that when he accidentally formed a stalactite on his tongue trying to drink juice in his Jotun form, you were not doing it out of mockery, in fact he did it to impress you, but it was so much fun that it made you expel your juice through your nose, every now and then it was fun to remember the first date.

"Can I call you my bride?" You rose from his chest to look at him directly, slightly excited and wondering what he meant, “You may call it girlfriend, but when a Jotnar falls for someone the way I did with you, we call our loved ones Brides” you kissed him while nodding, “What should I call you then, my beloved king?” he let out a groan that sounded like a purr as soon as your hands were running through his neck, “Your love” he smiled softly, “My only love” you kissed him.

You loved one another, almost never leaving each other’s sides. Eventually you two settled down, after the incident with Clint, he wanted to let everyone know that you were not to mess with, not because you were the queen to be of Jotunheim, but because the universe was aware of your strength as the Jotun queen.

He fucking loved to see you in your armor, you two broke the bed multiple times with after-battle-sex. He kept his promise, no one never even tried to hurt you again.

Next part

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tea-and-spoons · 3 years

Text

Today’s Tips: Crutches

Hello hello! I have been a part-time crutches user for the past… three years? So today I’m going to share some little tips I’ve learned along the way. I have never used a cane, but I think a lot of this might apply to canes too.

-If you’re trying to decide if you need a mobility aid or not, the answer is yes. You don’t have to be unable to walk without it to use a mobility aid! If you think it would help, go for it! Using my crutches lets me walk farther, with less pain, and less falling, and the freedom is wonderful. I’m pretty sure that if you’re debating, it’s definitely worth a try. And if you’re here because crutches are already required for you, that’s good too and I hope you still find what makes them work best for you.

-Decorate! Personalize! Bedazzle! I am a huge advocate for changing the look of your mobility aid to whatever makes you happy. I scraped all the logos off my crutches, spray painted them blue, and added flower stickers on the cuffs, and it always makes me smile. Just because they only sell what you need in boring medical colors doesn’t mean you have to keep it that way. My theory is, I’m going to get stared at either way, I might as well have crutches I like:)

-If you leave it standing up, it WILL fall over. Seriously, it seems like every time I try to leave my crutches propped up against something, they fall down and make a ton of noise at a very inconvenient time. If you have to leave them standing up so you can reach them, I wish you luck, and suggest putting them somewhere that minimizes getting bumped into. Sometimes I lean mine on my legs under the table and that works pretty well. But most of the time, I lie my crutches down alongside a table or wall, or underneath my chair. Bonus, this also keeps people from stepping on them so much.

-Forearm crutches vs underarm crutches. I generally see your regular underarm crutches used for more short term things, like a sprained ankle, but they might also be a better choice if you have limited arm strength. They also feel more stable if you can’t put any weight on one leg. I was told that forearm crutches take way more strength, but in my experience, it’s not as bad as I was told, even though I have floppy, spaghetti-noodle Ehlers-Danlos arms (although I do also have the special forearm crutches for people with EDS) It’s really nice that the forearm crutches are shorter, so they’re easier to store and don’t stab you in the armpit if you’re walking on uneven ground. In my opinion, they’re just overall easier to maneuver and better for when both legs need support. Plus, I can let them hang from the cuffs and have my hands free for a moment. The other thing I noticed with underarm crutches vs forearm crutches is how people treat me. With regular underarm crutches, I got a lot of “Oh no what happened?!” and “Get well soon!”, none of which apply to me. With forearm crutches, people seem to get that it’s more of a lifelong disability deal. I was trying to write an unbiased paragraph here, but I guess it’s pretty clear I have a strong preference! But really, the best option is whatever meets your needs.

-Proper fitting. If you have access to a physical therapist or other professional who can help you fit your crutches, I would highly recommend taking advantage of that. Crutches that aren’t adjusted right can wreak havoc on your posture and alignment, and even cause secondary injuries (which is the last thing you need!) If you don’t have access to a PT, I think these links have some good information:

https://www.physicaltherapy101.net/forearm-lofstrand-crutches/

https://www.physicaltherapy101.net/walking-assistance/crutches/

-Pace yourself. If your situation allows you to gradually work up to how much time you spend with crutches, you’ll be much less sore! If not, try to take breaks before you really need them, to prevent the worst of the ouch.

-Carrying things. This is going to be frustrating, but it also gets easier as you adjust and learn what works for you. First things first, it’s totally okay to ask for help! You are not a burden, you are not lazy, no matter what anyone else tells you. It’s okay to need help. And for when you are carrying things by yourself, here are some tips: Pockets! Very very good. Backpack or fanny pack or purse is also good. I’ve seen some people attach a bag to the crutch itself, but in my experience, that makes it hard to control the crutch and you lose your balance a lot. I’ve also perfected the art of holding something with my pinky and ring finger, while still holding the crutch handgrip with the other side of my hand. Sliding things along a table instead of carrying is a great one for cooking. Getting everything you need within reach and then just sitting is also a good strategy to save spoons.

-Actually getting around! I think the best thing might be to practice with your crutches on a day you don’t actually need them so you can experiment. I know that’s not always possible though, and I promise you can also learn as you go too. For me, doors are the hardest part, so automatic openers are my friends. My best tricks for doors without automatic openers are: open door really far and speed through, or use crutch leg or tip to prop door open while you go through. Although I have gotten my crutch tip stuck under the door like that before so maybe that’s not the best advice… Again, it’s totally okay to ask for help! And you’ll get the hang of it with practice.

-Crutches in winter. Not fun. If you’re using regular long crutches, they’re going to get stuck in slush or snow on the sidewalk. I haven’t tried them, but I also know they sell special crutch tips for ice, because regular ones are slippy. I don’t really have any advice here, so this is more of a caution, and a suggestion to plan ahead!

-Especially if crutches are new for you, you’re going to be all kinds of tired. The way you walk is now totally different, and you have to re-adjust how you do just about everything, which takes a LOT of mental energy. It’s totally okay to be frustrated and tired and sad. It won’t always be this hard, you’ll find adjustments that work for you. And don’t be afraid to use the resources and accommodations available to you! They’re there to help you and you deserve support.

I hope you found this helpful, and I would love to see if you decide to decorate your mobility aid too!

Edit: I just learned a new trick for crutches and doors! When you’re trying to open the door, make sure you’re standing clear outside of the arc of where the door swings. Otherwise you’ll be trying to inch backwards and drag the door with you, and that’s a great way to fall down. So just move to the side and let the door swing open.

#chronic illness advice #teaandspoons #disability #ehlers danlos syndrome #crutches #forearm crutches #accessibility

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penny-anna · 3 years

Note

If you're still doing Geraskier, number 8 for the prompt game?

this one got a bit out of hand!!

better judgement

“I told you to stay down,” Geralt said. “Why didn’t you stay down?”

“I don’t know,” said Jaskier. “I panicked. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. You didn’t have to do that. Why did you do that?”

He said, “it might have killed you.”

“Oh, gods,” said Jaskier. “It was my fault. Wasn’t it?”

Jaskier goes with Geralt on a hunt and makes a near-fatal mistake.

(on ao3!)

He was lying on his belly in the mud, the bushes screening him from view; his ears primed for any sound, his eyes trained upon the water of the marsh, watching for even the slightest ripple. He didn’t move a muscle. He breathed slowly. He could do this for days, if he had to.

A nudge against his ribs. “Hey. How long is this going to take?”

He cursed mentally. “I told you to be quiet.”

“I know,” Jaskier whispered. “That’s why I’m whispering.”

Geralt didn’t dignify him with a response.

Jaskier elbowed him again. “Geralt. How long is this going to take? Cause my legs are cramping.”

“You wanted to come,” Geralt said.

“It’s just, and I stand by that decision – it’s just that I’d appreciate a more specific itinerary –”

Something splashed out in the marsh and Geralt clapped his hand over Jaskier’s mouth, silencing him.

“Mmf!”

“Shht!”

The marsh had gone quiet. It was only a diving bird. Slowly, reluctantly, he released Jaskier’s mouth.

“You got mud on my face!” the bard hissed, scandalised.

“You said you’d do as you were told.”

If you want to come you’ll do exactly as I tell you, he’d said. Jaskier had smiled sunnily and said of course – of course – I shall defer to your expertise. He should have known better than to trust him.

“I am!” Jaskier persisted.

“No you aren’t.”

“Are we going to lie here all day?”

Against his better judgement, he tore his eyes away from the water. “What did you expect?”

Jaskier shrugged. “More action than this?”

“I told you I was going to wait for it to come out of hiding.”

“Well, I didn’t expect it to take quite this long.”

“It’s been less than an hour,” said Geralt. “Will you just shut your damned mouth?”

“So can I take it this is going to be an all-day affair?”

The water rippled. Geralt grabbed his arm.

“Because – ow,” said Jaskier. “Sooner or later I am going to have to p–”

Shoving him further back into the bushes, Geralt said, “say down.”

“Hey –”

The beast rose out of the water, serpentine, slate-green. He strode out of the bushes to face it, his sword raised. It was bigger than he’d expected and it was quick in the water. He’d need to draw it up onto land –

A sound behind him and the creature’s broad snout snapped around, its attention caught by something else – by an easier meal.

“Fuck,” he said under his breath and turning he cried, “Jaskier!”

He had left the cover of the bushes, stumbling backwards across the rough ground. His eyes were big and round and trained upon the beast and what he thought he was doing Geralt couldn’t imagine. Stepping forward he put himself between Jaskier and the marsh beast, reaching behind himself to touch the bard’s chest, steadying him.

“Behind me,” he said – but before the words were even out of his mouth the beast reared up and he saw what was about to happen.

He had only a moment to react, and he reacted on pure instinct. He didn’t need to think about it. Turning he grabbed Jaskier, pulling him close, curling around him, shielding him with his body. A hand on the back of his head he forced Jaskier’s face into his armoured chest and braced himself for the inevitable.

The beast’s venom burned across his back, a strip of fire as wide as his arm, dissolving clean through his armour, eating into his skin and flesh. He could hear sizzling on either side of him as the vegetation burned away. The air stang his nostrils. White-hot liquid was running down his back, scorching every part of him that it touched, and he willed himself to breathe. In a moment it would be over.

A splash behind him as it sank back below the water of the marsh and through the pain a detached part of his mind registered that they were safe. The bard was shivering in his arms, alive, uninjured.

He sank to his knees in the mud, taking Jaskier down heavily with him. He’d had worse. But it would take some time to heal. The pain was blinding. It would be hard to talk and it was a long way back to the village. It would be difficult to keep the burns clean, out in the mud and grime of the marsh. It would be difficult to avoid infection. He could feel his armour sticking to his ruined flesh and he gritted his teeth at the sensation, at the new layer of pain. He was nauseated. His heart was thrumming – his head swimming –

“Oh gods,” Jaskier said against his chest. “Oh gods – Geralt – what –”

He was aware abruptly that he was still holding Jaskier tight against his body, squeezing him harder than he ought to. The bard was shifting in his arms, struggling, trying to pull away. “Geralt,” he said. “Geralt, are you alright?”

Slowly, with some difficulty, he relaxed his grip. Jaskier was shaking, his eyes big, his pupils frightened pin-pricks. Holding him by the shoulders, Geralt checked he wasn’t burnt. He was fine. The venom had missed him. It was a comfort. “Are you alright?” he said, to be sure.

Jaskier’s eyes went to his shoulder. “Fuck me,” he said, reaching out to touch his ruined armour.

Geralt caught his hand and flinched, grunting in pain, as the movement pulled at his back.

“Did it –”

“Don’t.” Geralt pushed his hands away.

“Let me see.”

He grabbed at Geralt’s arm and Geralt let him look. He didn’t have it in him to fight.

At the sight of the burns Jaskier paled. “Ohh no,” he said. “Oh, fuck no.”

“It looks worse than it is.” His vision was blurring. He made an attempt to get up. His legs wobbled. “Shit.”

“What do you need?” said Jaskier.

“My pack.”

Jaskier nodded shakily, and went. When he came back a moment later Geralt said, “water.” Jaskier fetched his flask and went to put it to his lips, but Geralt shook his head. “No. On the burns.”

“Do you –”

“Need to wash them.”

“I don’t know –”

“Just pour it over.”

The water was cold, and it stang. He groaned aloud at the pain, his breath leaving him.

Jaskier took him by the arm, trying to steady him. “Are you okay?”

“Bandages,” Geralt managed. He could worry about the pain when his back was clean and dressed. It was lessening now anyway, now that the venom was washed away.

Jaskier was glancing anxiously at the marsh. “Is it going to come –”

“Not yet,” said Geralt. “It takes – a few hours for its venom to –”

“Alright – alright, hush.”

He helped him off with his armour and shirt. His hands were shaking, as he began to wrap the bandages around his chest.

“Is that it?” he said as he tied them off.

“Yeah,” said Geralt.

“Good,” Jaskier said, and turning he crawled away on his hands and knees and retched into the mud.

“I told you to stay down,” Geralt said. “Why didn’t you stay down?”

“I don’t know,” said Jaskier. He wiped his mouth. “I panicked. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Raising his head he said, “you didn’t have to do that. Why did you do that?”

Alone, he would have dodged it. There’d been no time to warn Jaskier, or get him to safety. He’d known the bard wouldn’t have the knowledge or the reflexes to save himself. If Jaskier had taken the venom to his face or chest it would have killed him, messily and painfully. Taking the brunt of it had been the only logical thing to do.

He said, “it might have killed you.”

“Oh, gods,” said Jaskier. “It was my fault. Wasn’t it? I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Geralt shrugged the remains of his shirt back on. It pulled at the burns and he swayed on the spot. With the adrenaline of the fight fading it was getting harder to think around the pain. He could feel his mind turning glassy. This was bad. He’d had worse. But it was bad.

“Geralt?” Jaskier’s hands cupped his face. “Geralt? Are you going to be okay? Please say you’ll be okay.”

Geralt grunted.

“I don’t know what to do,” Jaskier pleaded. “I need you to – Geralt, hey.” He lifted Geralt’s sinking head, looking him in the eye. “I need you to tell me what to do.”

He wanted to lie down in the mud and sleep. He might have done, if he was alone.

He gripped Jaskier’s arm. “Help me up.”

Jaskier levered him to his feet. “Okay,” he said. “Okay, you’re okay. Oof,” he said as Geralt leaned on him. “Oh, you’re heavy.”

One foot in front of the other, he walked. He just needed to get back to his horse, he told himself – and then to the village – and then he could rest.

Later, his back properly bandaged, a potion in him to take the edge off the pain, he sat upon his bed. He was looking over his ruined armour to see what could be salvaged. There wasn’t much that was undamaged.

“You’re quiet,” he remarked.

“Mm?” Jaskier was across the room, fidgeting in his chair, toying with his notebook but not really writing. “I – I really am sorry.”

“You don’t need to keep saying it,” said Geralt. “You panicked. It happens.”

“I shouldn’t have been there in the first place,” said Jaskier. “You told me as much.”

Geralt thought, I shouldn’t have let you come.

“It happened,” he said. “I’ve had worse. Don’t dwell on it.”

“I can’t help dwelling on it,” said Jaskier. “And, I think I shall be seeing what it did to your back in my dreams.” He closed his notebook. “Are you going to go back out there again?”

“In a couple of days.”

“Is there anything I can to do help?”

“No,” said Geralt. He put aside his armour and reached for the water jug upon the table.

The simple motion pulled at the still open burns on his back and he winced, hissing. “Let me,” said Jaskier, half falling out of his chair in his haste to cross the room.

He filled a cup, and sat tentatively upon the edge of the bed, sitting by Geralt while he drank. “Is it,” he said, “is it going to scar?”

“Yeah,” said Geralt.

“Badly?”

“Probably.”

“Gods,” said Jaskier. “I’m sorry.”

Geralt grunted.

“You didn’t need to let it burn you,” Jaskier said. “It was my fault.”

“I’d do it again.”

“Really?”

Geralt shrugged.

“Why?”

“It’s what I do,” said Geralt. He toyed with his cup. “You did good out there.”

“I really don’t think that I did,” said Jaskier.

“You did what I needed you to when it counted,” said Geralt. “Thanks.”

Jaskier breathed in, and out. “Thank you for not letting it melt my face off.”

Geralt said, “any time.”

#the witcher

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milliedazzledust · 3 years

Text

Unspoken (Bucky Barnes imagine)

Request by @screechingdreamercollectorsblog : the reader lost all her family and also a twin sister. She’s in love with Bucky but he doesn't know and no one knows her story except Steve but he never told it as it was her decision. One day Wanda tells her "you don't know what it’s like to lose somebody especially a twin." And Reader said "Actually I do." And then She walks away. Bucky heard It and goes to talk to her and also they confess each other feelings. Also She starts an amazing friend ship with Wanda.

Words: 3183 words

A/N: So many ideas, I feel like this needs to be a several part story. Thanks for the request, this was fun to write -

She thought a lot about her family. The memory of their death, the circumstances that led to it, the guilt. It was all a constant reminder, every day, of what she lost. She often felt like she was walking with a shadow on her back, consuming what was left of light, making her into this gloomy person everyone was so afraid to get close to. In a way, she was glad. Her guilt made her believe living this way was her sentence and she couldn’t allow anybody else to carry her burden. One person knew though, the only hope on her pathway. Steve Rogers. He hadn’t been bold enough to ask her up front but instead waited, close enough so she knew he was there, until she was ready to confide in him. Late one night, he had found her crying on the rooftop of the Avengers tower. Silently, he had put a blanket on her shoulders and had sit next to her. Without looking at him, she had told him everything. There had been no judgment from the Captain, not even a look of pity. He promised he wouldn’t tell a soul and after that, she grew closer from the man she considered now family.

That’s how Steve picked up on what was happening in front of his eyes before anybody else. Everyday, he would catch Bucky’s eyes lingering on her. The Soldier often asked Steve about her, he could guess the sadness behind every broken smile. Behind her cracks, he could almost see his own. She reminded him a lot of what it had mean to become the Winter Soldier, of the pain his mind had endured as Hydra tore it into pieces. While he was curious of her past, he also understood that whatever it was, she hadn’t dealt with it. The grief was evident and he wanted nothing more than to help her anyway he could, but every time he took a step toward her, she took three more backward. Steve assured him it wasn’t his fault. They both could see the internal struggle within her, the raging battle between self-inflicted pain and sheer will to live again. So far, she hadn’t give in and instead opted for an illusion only Steve and Bucky weren’t falling for.

She wasn’t the only one feeling the overbearing weight of grief. That specific day marked the one year anniversary of their battle in Sokovia. There was an eerie, gloomy atmosphere inside the compound. For the Avengers, it was the reminder of a difficult battle, of many lives lost, of victory. For Wanda Maximoff, it was the day she lost her brother. She had barely left her bedroom and no one dared go speak to her. Natasha and Vision had gone to see how she was doing but she had refused the company. They could all hear her crying and had collectively silently agreed that it was better to let her process her feelings alone. Y/N was debating wether she should follow their example. She had been standing close to Wanda’s bedroom door for the past hour when she felt a presence next to her.

“You should go talk to her” She heard someone whisper.

She turned her head, her eyes landing on a pretty concerned Captain.

“Wil it really make a difference ?” She asked.

“She’s hurting” Steve answered. “Just like you”

The woman dropped her head.

“I’m not sure, I .. I won’t know what to say”

“You’ll know exactly what to say, Y/N. You’ve both lost a lot”

“So have you. So have everybody here”

He sadly nodded.

“Why does it have to be me ?”

“Because we’ve all grieved. We made peace with whatever happened to us. We don’t feel sadness, anger or guilt just thinking about whomever we lost.” He explained. “You do. Just like her.”

She pursed her lips.

“I can’t pretend to understand, Y/N, because I don’t. I see the mountain that is your pain everyday when I look into your eyes. And, behind this door is a friend who’s going through the same loss you’ve experienced. Even if you haven’t dealt with the death of your sister, you know what it was like for her to lose Pietro, to live without him, to not be capable to let yourself be alive when half of you isn’t anymore”

Hearing his words was enough to reopen the gigantic wound inside her chest. She knew he was right, but it didn’t make it any easier. He put a comforting hand on her shoulder, encouraging her with a soft smile.

“Alright. I’ll go”

She glanced at Wanda’s bedroom before looking back at Steve and swallowed the lump in her throat. Taking a deep breath, she closed the distance and knocked. Not waiting for an answer, she walked inside. She knew if she had ask Wanda, the Witch would have let her wait without an answer until she left.

The young woman was sitting on her bed, her gaze drifting into space. Y/N wasn’t sure she had even acknowledge her presence. All she could see was her soul bleeding an ocean through her eyes. When she sat next to her on the bed, Wanda tried to brush the tears away but it was useless. She couldn’t stop crying.

“I’m sorry you lost him” Y/N whispered.

She cursed under her breath, knowing those were in no way comforting words.

“If you came to tell me you understand, you can leave” She replied with a thick accent.

For a moment, Y/N did not say a word. She was thinking hard of something that could appease her friend, but her mind was blank.

“Are you also going to ask me if I’m okay” She heard Wanda say.

“What is the point ? I know you’re not”

She sighed.

“I’ve always hated that question. How are you suppose to know how you are if all you can feel is emptiness… It’s easier to say yes, put on a smile and turn your head”

“Is that why you’re here ? Are you expecting a yes or the truth ?”

“I already know the truth”

Wanda humorlessly chuckle.

“Are you going to pretend you know what I’m feeling ?” She told her with irony

“That’s the thing. I don’t need to pretend”

She felt her friend tense beside her.

“You should leave”

“Wanda…”

“No!” She shouted, getting up to put a distance between them. “I don’t need you to tell me I’m gonna be alright! I don’t need to hear it will hurt less with time, that I will forget ! Because I won’t, okay, I won’t!”

She started sobbing. For a split second, Y/N thought about hugging her, but she knew that this wouldn’t be a good idea. When her sister died, she couldn’t bear the hugs. They were so full of light and hope, such a bright contrast to the dark that was surrounding her. So she stayed on the bed, and watched her friend break down. Wanda needed the pain, she needed the anger, because they would inevitably lead to the last stage of grief. To life.

“Stop pretending to get this … this torture, because I can assure you, you don’t” Wanda vehemently told her, pacing around the room. “My heart is broken, okay ? It’s … It’s shattered. Not even in pieces, because he took those with him when he died.”

“Wanda …”

“No! You don’t know what it’s like to lose somebody !” Wanda yelled back. “Especially a twin!”

“Actually, I do”

Wanda instantly stopped walking and turned back to her friend, surprised. She watched Y/N playing with her hands, trying to keep the tears at bay, her eyes fixed on her lap, refusing to catch a glimpse of pity when she’ll start talking.

“It.. It doesn’t stop. The pain, I mean. It’s like this overbearing weight that crushes you every single minute of every single day. And when you get a moment to breath, a moment where you don’t feel your heart might explode of sadness, you feel guilty. So all that’s left of you now is pain and guilt. I can’t tell you it’ll get better, because it never did for me.”

She brushed the tears on her cheek as Wanda slowly sat back next to her.

“The world stopped when I lost her, my twin I mean” She continued, starring into space. “And I try, I swear I try to make it work again, but to this day all I keep asking myself is why her … why her and not…me. She was so much stronger than me, she deserved …”

A sob escaped her lips, preventing her from speaking.

“Steve told me I would be able to help you, because I understand your pain. But I can’t. What good would it do to you if I told you I feel like dying every time I think about my memories of her ?”

She humorlessly laughed.

“What good would it do if I confess I don’t want to live because I’m scarred of forgetting ? That I can’t breathe because each breath feels like I’ve cheated death ? That I’m becoming a void of darkness silently sinking ?”

They stayed silence before Wanda’s hand slowly came to hold hers. They spent a short moment without talking. Two woman with broken soul that understood each other on a level no one else’s could.

“You know ..” The Witch started to mutter. “Vis’ told me something once, and it stuck up on me ever since.”

“What was it ?”

“What is grief, if not love persevering”

A tear roll down Y/N’s cheeks, the words stabbing her right through the chest. Suddenly, she was up on her feet, alert and disoriented. This was sheer pain like she had rarely known, wide open scars bleeding through her soul.

“I can’t” She breathlessly told her friend. “I … I’m … I’m sorry Wanda I ca..”

And she fled the room. As soon as she stepped outside of it, she bumped into a muscular chest. Stopping in her tracks, she looked up. That’s when she saw it, what she dreaded the most. A look of pity. Bucky was standing in front of her, searching her eyes, his mouth open like the words were on the tip of his tongue yet he couldn’t voice any of them. He raised an arm toward her, a reflex to comfort the woman he cared the most about, but she was gone in a second. He turned back to glance at Wanda. The woman sadly smile and shook her head.

“Go get her” She simply told him.

And just like that, he was gone. He started by her bedroom, but she wasn’t there. He went to the lab, asked Tony and Bruce if they had seen her, but she wasn’t there. He passed by the gym, than their living room, but again, she was not there. He was almost running inside the building, going anywhere he could think of, but there was no sign of her. He was very frustrated when he crossed path with his best friend.

“Wha …” Steve started to ask.

“Y/N” Barnes only answered, almost out of breath.

The Captain hummed, watching his distress, knowing it was a bad time to ask him about it.

“She’s on the roof”

Bucky didn’t wait, not even hearing what Steve said next, and fled. He didn’t take the elevator and rushed up the stairs. It was a long way up but he did not care. All his mind was focused on was closing the distance between them. Finally, she was there. Sitting on the edge of the building, the sun shining so bright above their head.

“Please tell me you were not thinking of jumping” He said, half joking.

She didn’t turn around to look at him. She had felt his presence before he was even near her.

“The thought crossed my mind” She admitted.

He didn’t want to know if she was joking. Quietly, he stepped next to her and sat on the border, his legs dangling in the air.

“What happened ?” He inquired.

“I just … I thought I could help Wanda and…”

“That’s not what I’m asking” He cut her. “What happened to you Y/N ?”

She pursed her lips, turning for the first time to look back at him. She was almost expecting to see the pity in his eyes, but instead it had been replaced by worry.

“I had a family before the Avengers”

“A family you’ve lost” He guessed.

“…Yes. I couldn’t save them”

He raised his head toward her. She could see the millions of questions he had behind his stare. He was too polite to ask her but she knew he wanted to know. So she turned back to look at the garden in front of the compound, focused on the daisies Tony had insisted to have, and started to tell him her story.

“My parents were … scientists. Experts in genome manipulation. They were working for the government, for Shield. They discovered something important, something they wouldn’t tell us anything about. They started to get edgy, paranoiac, always looking over their shoulder. Whatever it was they found, they were scared. We fled America at the time. My sister and I, we didn’t understand what was happening, we didn’t get that … that they knew they were gonna die. That they were trying to keep us alive”

“What did they find ?”

“I don’t know. That’s why I’m here”

“I don’t understand”

She closed her eyes, remembering them.

“They experimented it on me”

“What ?”

He was shocked.

“We were in Stockholm at the time. One night, they took me to their lab, they said they needed me to work. I was seventeen, just so happy to be with them, so I said yes. Four days later, I woke up alone, surrounded by ashes and no memories. I found …” She stopped for a second, her lips quivering. “I found what was left of their bodies. My sister was there too. All of them, dead.”

Tears started to roll down her cheeks.

“I was convinced I killed them, I couldn’t move, I was just … stuck. So I stayed there, laying on the ground, next to their bodies, until Tony found me.”

“That’s how you came to live with Stark”

“Yes. He took me in, changed my name and my story, made me swear to never talk about this”

“Why ?”

“He helped me figure out what happened that night. My parents did succeed in their experiment. They made me … enhanced. That’s what they called it anyway”

“They gave you your powers” He guessed.

“Yes. The same day, Shield found them. While I was under, they put a bullet in their head. My sister was supposed to be sick, at home. But she sneaked out and hid in the lab. She just wanted to be with us. Shield tried to make it seen like it was an accident, a malfunction”

“An explosion”

She nodded.

“Yes. They blew up the lab, with all of us in there”

“But you didn’t die”

“I absorbed the blast”

“Oh…”

She brushed the tears off her face, looking at her trembling hands. It was useless to try to make them stop.

“I never found out who was behind their assassination, or what I am suppose to be”

“What you’re suppose to be ?” He repeated, surprised.

“They put their secret inside me, that’s how I came to be. But what is it, and what am I?”

He frowned, his mind working a thousand miles an hour.

“Do you really think this changes who you are ?” He asked her.

“I lost my identity, Bucky. I lost the person I was. Those powers, they turn me into something I’m not”

“Are you saying I’m the Winter Soldier? That I’m … not a person anymore but a program design to kill ?”

He knew the answer to that question, but he needed her to understand.

“Of course not!” She vehemently answered.

“This is the same fight, Y/N. Hydra might have wiped out my memories, but Bucky Barnes reappeared each time they tried to erase him, because this is who I am. My strength, my arm, my alter-ego, they don’t define who Bucky is. The kid that grew up in Brooklyn does”

“Do you really believe that ?”

“I believe we’ve been broken. But it doesn’t mean we can’t be fix”

His metal arm moved to hold her hand. When she turns around to look at him, he gently tucked a piece of hair behind her ear with his human hand before brushing his fingertips on her cheek, wiping her tears away.

“I don’t know how many times you’ll need to hear this, Y/N, but we’re not beyond repair” He whispered.

A shiver ran up her spine at his whole demeanor. His shoulders held high, his eyes boring into hers, all she could see was his rage to live, his will to rebuilt stronger foundations around their broken pieces. No it was not pity anymore, nor was it worry. All she saw now was admiration.

“You and I, we are survivors” He said with force.

He was a warm light she had yearn to feel, fresh air she thought would never touch her skin again. Wordlessly, she laid her forehead on his chest and closed her eyes. She didn’t want this feeling to go away and wished to hard she could bottle up this moment with him forever. They stayed like this, her body against his, his hand entangled in her hair, his chin resting above her head, and for a moment none of them spoke.

“Why do I feel so guilty to have you” She muttered so low he almost didn’t hear her.

“Because you know I can bring you peace” He honestly answered next to her ear.

“If I let you in, if I take the risk to be hurt again and I lose you…”

“You won’t”

“You don’t know that for sure”

“I know I’ve got strong feelings for you, and they won’t go away”

“And I feel the same, but we’re gonna get hurt”

“Isn’t that what love is about ? Navigating between feelings so loud they can’t be shut down, even after death. Stop being so afraid to keep on living, Y/N.”

“Bucky …” She called, slowly raising her head to look at him.

“I’m not giving you a choice, doll.”

Before she could talk herself out of this, he closed the short distance between them and laid his lips on hers. Suddenly, what was a flame became a raging fire in the pit of her stomach. She could feel her heart pumping all the way to her ears, feel the tingling sensation of his fingertips against her skin, a sense of peace finally. This was raw emotions they were sharing, sparks of electricity they were making as their lips were moving. Their own world they were creating. A promise they were sealing.

“You’re gonna be okay” He assured her, kissing her forehead.

“Promise me you’ll stay, Bucky”

“For as long as you’ll let me” He finished.

She looked up at him with hope.

“I promise”

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