#You are making the hours spent on comics and sleepless nights worth it <3

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

YES! JOIN ME IN THE DELCIOUS DUNGEONS!

[artificialqueens]

Moments (Sashea) - H

AN: Hi again! I just want to thank anyone who took time to read my story, and to those lovely people who even left a comment, I wish I could squeeze you right now! I have been on the longest hiatus ever, this is the first time I’m actually dedicating myself to writing and publishing something in a long time, I’m talking years, so it really means a whole lot, you made my day! I love you a lot, and here is the third part.

Summary: a collection of moments and memories, a journey through Shea and Sasha’s emotions as their relationship develops.

Chapter 3

“And she did”

…

Shea told her the morning right after. Although told might not exactly be the right word.

So many times she had woken up before Sasha and had just stayed in bed watching her, studying her features, mapping out her face with her eyes, and that day was no exception, yet it was different.

A flip had switched upon finally admitting to all of her feelings, the night before, and Shea felt a new kind of hope.

So many times, watching Sasha’s lips, slightly parted as she slept, Shea had wondered how they would have felt pressed against hers, if she would have smiled afterwards, if those deep blue eyes would have sparkled.

Shea kept staring at her, and the more she did, the more she realized how beautiful Sasha really was.

Suddenly, she was overwhelmed.

This wasn’t necessarily a new feeling for her. “The curse of the artist” she had named it secretly, something she only felt when she was with Sasha, something that made the world look so much more beautiful than before.

Sasha would often grab Shea’s hand and hold it as they walked, and every time Shea would feel their fingers entwine the sky would magically look that little bit bluer, the sun would shine that little bit brighter, the air would get that little bit clearer, and it was indescribable, but it made Shea feel whole.

It was as if by just touching her, Sasha could make her see the world under a different light, just like a painting.

That’s how she was looking at Sasha right now, as if she was the single, most beautiful piece of art she had ever seen, and it knocked the breath out of her.

She put a hand on Sasha’s bare chest, feeling it rise and fall under her palm, to make sure she was there, to make sure she was real.

Sometimes Shea couldn’t wrap her head around it, how one stranger from New York could have seamlessly yet fiercely walked into her life, changing her, making her feel things she never thought she would feel, turning her world upside down just by saying her name, holding her hand, smiling at her.

Her heart was on fire, she had a lump in her throat and tears in her eyes, because that one stranger was Sasha, and only Sasha could make her feel such powerful emotions.

She was intense, she was artistic, beautiful, creative, intellectual, and she had seemed so elevated and unreachable at first, it had almost intimidated Shea.

She had been scared of falling for her because she couldn’t help but feel that the level Sasha was at, she could never reach; an underlined comparison she could have never handled, but she had had to realize that it was all in her head and her head only, because it took one look from Sasha, one squeeze of her hands from the bald headed queen, with bright eyes and an even brighter smile, to make her forget the fear and the self doubt, to make her feel safe, happy, no insecurity that could hold her down.

Yes, she had spent many sleepless nights thinking they would never be together, thinking of how she would have never stood a chance, but she would fight anyone who could ever tell her that her feelings should change, because Sasha had stolen her heart, but only to take better care of it, and she was worth it all.

Shea had been so entranced in her thoughts, so immersed in Sasha Sasha Sasha, that she didn’t notice her opening her eyes.

Sasha had been awoken by the sensation of Shea’s hand on her chest, and when she looked at her she could see the tears in her eyes, expression tense.

Whatever it was that she was witnessing, it felt intense, she was almost scared to interrupt it.

“Shea?” she whispered quietly. Had the other queen been just two feet further away she would not have been able to hear it.

But she wasn’t two feet away, she was oh so, so close.

Her body reacted on instinct.

Shea raised her head and kissed her, hand still pressed on her chest.

She was expecting Sasha to hesitate, push her away even, but she didn’t. Without missing a beat, Sasha was kissing her back.

She was expecting fireworks, an explosion of butterflies in her stomach, head spinning, electricity running through her body, just like they said in the movies, but that didn’t happen either.

What Shea felt was something she would be struggling to describe for the rest of her life.

A complete and utter sense of calm and peace, everything falling into place, her thoughts clearing, her heart beating steadily, she felt refreshed and regenerated.

It was as if the world had stopped rotating for a moment, and everything was in perfect balance.

A perfect example of end and beginning overlapping, months of doubts, second guessing and endless questions finally dissolving into a whole new reality, all there for her to discover.

It was the most magical sensation Shea had ever felt.

When they pulled apart, both out of breath, Sasha shot up. She stood by the bed on shaky legs, her cheeks a bright pink, hand pressed on her own chest, right where Shea’s had been just moments ago.

“What is happening?” she breathed out, flustered.

There was no telling if she was asking that question to Shea, or to herself.

“I like you.” Shea blurted out, standing right in front of Sasha, whose focus was now completely on her.

“I really like you, Sash. I’m falling for you, and I’ve been so scared of telling you but I can’t deny it to either of us anymore, what I feel for you is real.” Shea, too, was shaking. “You make me feel good, Sasha, you make me feel like I can be myself all the time, you do things to me that I can’t even explain, but it’s all real. I’ve never felt anything so strongly in my life.”

For a moment everything fell into silence, neither of them speaking, neither of them breathing, until Sasha launched herself in Shea’s arms, and the world started moving again.

“Oh my god Shea, I feel the same.” Sasha held Shea’s face in her hands, her star struck expression mirroring the younger’s. “I’ve been drawn to you since the very first moment I saw you, you are so wonderful and you make me feel so free.” Sasha’s mind was going a hundred miles per hour. “I was scared of telling you, too, I didn’t want to-“ Shea stopped her rambling and kissed her again.

They could both feel the other one smiling, soon forgetting what they were even afraid of.

Of course they later sat down and talked about it, holding each other’s hands, happily deciding that being together was something they both wanted, but in that moment they just needed to take time to giggle, kiss and smile for a while, and Shea held it as one of the best memories of her life.

That was only the start of their relationship, and even though the word “love” didn’t immediately come up, Shea felt comfortable.

She knew it was there.

She could feel it in the way her heart skipped a beat every single time Sasha would greet her with a peck on the lips and a sincere smile, or every time she would make up a new nickname for her, and there were a lot.

“How are you doing today, beauty?” Sasha seemed to be particularly stuck on that one, and even though Shea would scrunch up her nose and tell her to stop using it, deep down they both knew she loved it, too.

Being with Sasha was everything Shea could have ever dreamt of, and more, so not saying those three words didn’t leave a void, instead it gave her the chance to really live Sasha and everything that she was even more deeply.

It was just like closing your eyes and slowly letting your other senses give you a better perception of your surroundings; Shea learned how to read Sasha, how to recognize the “I love yous” in the way she would sometimes mindlessly trace little heart shapes on her skin with the tip of her finger, or in the way she would carelessly sing in the car, always and only in front of her.

She learned how to take in the wonderful person that Sasha was to all of her extents, and of course, wherever Sasha was, there was art, so just as she had found a path into Shea’s life, art was slowly making its way in, as well.

So it only made sense that the memory of the moment those three words finally came up, would revolve around it.

It was a quiet, rainy afternoon. The two queens had gathered at Sasha’s place, as usual, to share ideas on their future numbers, now having fallen into a comfortable silence, individually working on their projects.

Shea would spare a look at Sasha every once in a while and muffle a laugh. She was wearing an all black, large hoodie, only the tips of her fingers peeking out the sleeves. She was hunched over the table, art supplies scattered all around her, she would sometimes reach at them without ever taking her eyes off the paper, lightly cursing every time she would grab the wrong one, and she had the most concentrated frown Shea had ever seen.

It was comical and honestly, Shea hadn’t thought much into it, she just closed her eyes, leaned back and kept listening to her music, until she was startled to attention by a lap full of Sasha quite literally sitting on her.

When she opened her eyes and looked at her, the hood had been pulled back and the frown wasn’t there anymore.

Sasha was beaming at her, waving the piece of paper in front of her face.

“You were so beautiful, I couldn’t resist.”

In her hands was one of the most beautiful drawings Shea had ever seen.

It was an abstract version of a woman, lean long legs strewn across a sofa, a pale pink drapy dress covering her chocolaty skin.

Sasha had drawn her

Shea hadn’t even realized she was still wearing the outfit she had previously tried on, she wasn’t aware of any particular position she might have been laying into, yet there she was, translated into a perfect portrait.

She had spent so much time thinking of how much Sasha looked like a piece of art to her, that she hadn’t even considered the possibility of herself being looked at the same way.

It touched her heart in a way she didn’t know was possible.

Her deep emotions must have been showing on her face because the next moment she looked up at Sasha, they both had teary eyes.

“I love you” they both said at the same time.

It wasn’t much more of a whisper, but the way their voices faltered was enough of a sign of how much those words meant to the both of them.

They shared the deepest, most passionate kiss, and that was when the fireworks erupted.

Shea didn’t need to explain to Sasha how important it was for her to be a part of her art, she had read it in the way she had stopped breathing upon seeing the drawing.

Sasha didn’t need to explain to Shea how much love she had poured into the portrait, she had seen it in the beautiful combination of colors that filled the background of the page.

They almost never needed to explain anything, they could see everything in each other’s eyes.

But that was the moment they finally said “I love you” to each other, and that moment, Shea knew right away, was for ever going to be the single best memory she would ever have.

…

AN: So, I kind of struggled with this chapter a little bit, don’t ask me why, and I promise I went throught it so many times, but I just had to post it at some point, so I hope I haven’t made any mistakes. Let me know what you think, I’m sending you all big hugs, ciao!

H.

[megabadbunny]

No Place Like Hohm (1/8)

Maybe she wasn’t the most important woman in France, but she wasn’t bloody expendable, like so much cheap luggage or a forgotten pet.

(The Doctor wouldn’t desert them again. Rose wouldn’t give him the chance.)

**

(Aka the obligatory post-GitF fic, for anyone else who ever wondered what might have taken place between a trip to France and an adventure in a parallel universe. Ten/Rose, all ages, full of angst, fluff, a pinch of romantic bickering, a dash of mutual pining, and a dollop of swashbuckling adventure!)

***

Chapter 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3 | Ch 4 | Ch 5 | Ch 6 | Ch 7 | Ch 8

Just hours after an encounter with homicidal robots on a 51st-century spaceship, Rose Tyler lay in her bed, staring at the ceiling, fidgeting and sleepless as she battled demons of an entirely different sort.

One may tolerate a world of demons for the sake of an angel.

Ugh. Even steeped in misery, Rose managed to muster the energy for rolling her eyes at that syrupy-sweet sentiment. The Doctor was no angel, not by a long shot, not unless one’s definition of “angel” was “someone who thinks that re-using dead bodies is the same thing as recycling” or “someone who neglects to mention that occasionally the artificial gravity goes out on the TARDIS during repairs but don’t worry, Rose, the nausea will fade after a few minutes—a couple hours—a day or so, tops.” Reinette would have discovered that on her own soon enough, had she come with them.

Rose grimaced. She didn’t want to think about that, about Reinette left waiting and wanting. Something about it made her feel sick and a little guilty, and she didn’t want to know why.

But you and I both know, don’t we, Rose, that the Doctor is worth the monsters.

Of course, she was right. The Doctor was worth the monsters, and the demons, and the paradoxes and the danger and the homesickness and the fear, not to mention the sleeplessly late nights and far-too-early mornings, the days spent in odd prison cells and dank caves and dark, twisty space stations, and the outrageous amounts of running resulting in even more outrageous amounts of bruises and blisters. Of course the Doctor was worth all of that. Even Mickey—who would never, ever, absolutely-not-in-million-years ever say it—even he knew this was true. But surely it wasn’t acceptable for Reinette to say those things if she hadn’t experienced any of it for herself. Surely she hadn’t earned the right, the privilege.

(How could you fall in love with someone you’d only known for a day?)

With a frustrated sign, Rose sat up in bed, catching sight of herself in her bedroom mirror. She frowned at her reflection. Her eyes traveled over mirror-Rose’s too-bright blonde hair and its tellingly dark roots, her sun-kissed skin, her small breasts framed by broad shoulders. A square chin, big mouth, and prominent teeth drew her eyes upward; no matter how she painted her lashes, no matter how dark or bold, she would never be able to draw attention away from that overbite and sharp jawline. The lips that she used to take pride in, all pink and plump and sweetheart-shaped, now seemed almost comically oversized, practically garish compared to other smaller, more delicate mouths. She pulled her hair into a loose pile atop her head and quickly dropped it. No gentle golden curls or fair porcelain skin or dainty features graced this body. There was no comparison, not really; if she was a bloke, Rose knew which woman she would choose.

But that wasn’t exactly fair, was it? Reinette was so much more than a pretty face. Accomplished, the Doctor had dubbed her. Her own rooms at the palace, even her own title. The Uncrowned Queen, he’d said. Important, he’d practically shouted. Rose, on the other hand, was occasionally charming and sometimes clever and, if she was lucky, beautiful—for a human.

Rose plucked morosely at her cuticles, sighing at the rough and ragged edges that would surely catch and pull on anything finer than her cheap cotton tee shirt and jeans from the discount bin. Probably Reinette’s cuticles were flawless, just like the rest of her, all soft and delicately translucent. But why wouldn’t they be? She was so perfect, she almost could have been written that way, her every glance, touch, and velvet-voiced word artfully crafted to send hearts all a-flutter. Could Rose really blame anyone for chasing after her, could she really fault anyone who drew toward her like a moth to a flame?

(Only that wasn’t quite right either, was it? Because the Doctor was a fire all on his own, offering warmth and light and heat and hurt in equal measure. Perhaps he sought the company of someone more like himself; maybe he was tired of creatures that so easily burned. And in that way, wasn’t Reinette an ideal companion, didn’t that make her a perfect match?)

Groaning loudly, Rose buried her head in her hands, hating the deluge of self-pity and reveling in its delicious awfulness all at once. It was like a picking at a scab. She knew she should slap on some antiseptic and a bandage and let the wound heal, but it was ever so much more satisfying to just sit there and rip at the wound over and over and over again, savoring the pinch of pain as flesh separated from flesh, relishing the sting of air on raw skin, watching the pink shiny edges pucker and bleed. After all, scabs and blisters and feelings rubbed raw—she could deal with those. The Doctor was always a terrible flirt, and years with Jimmy Stone had taught Rose to harden her heart against the fickle nature of men.

But something was different this time around, and it had slowly crept through the background noise of Rose’s mind, needling its way into her thoughts the moment the Doctor jumped through that time window. It was a thought smaller and darker and more painful than all its other nasty fellows, a tiny sharp-toothed parasite burrowing deep into her chest.

He had abandoned her today. He did it once. He could do it again.

Eyes cinched shut, Rose shook her head sharply. No. Maybe she wasn’t the most important woman in France, but she wasn’t bloody expendable, like so much cheap luggage or a forgotten pet. She was so much more than the girl she was when she left behind Jimmy and the Estate, and Mickey was so much more than just the tin dog.

The Doctor wouldn’t desert them again. Rose wouldn’t give him the chance.

Rose stopped fidgeting. She swung her legs over the side of the bed. She stood up. She drank in a deep, deep breath.

Well, she thought. Here goes nothing.

 ***

 The Doctor’s ears perked up at the sound of Rose entering the console room, her bare feet pat-pat-pattering softly over the metal grating.

“You’re up early!” he said, tearing his attention away from the diagnostic screen to shoot Rose one of his trademark smiles. He tilted his head to the side, taking in her clothes, the same she had worn the day before. “Or perhaps you’re up late. Bit difficult to tell in a TARDIS, especially when her internal quantum barometer’s been off for a while. Well, maybe a few years. Well, maybe a couple of centuries. No more than a millennia, at least.

“So are you up for another trip already?” he asked.

Rose fiddled with the hem of her top. “Sort of.”

“Excellent!” the Doctor beamed. He stepped slowly in her direction, edging round the console. “What’s your pleasure?” he asked, flipping a switch. “The infinite beaches of Kabos Prime?”

He pushed a button. “The singing forests of Tharvis?”

He pulled a lever. “The pirate court of Madame Ching Shih?”

The Doctor leaned forward, bridging much of the distance between their bodies, to conspiratorially whisper, “Or maybe the bioluminescent oceans of Astrion? Ooh, now that’s a good one. Go back about, oh, eighty-thousand years, there’s not another living soul in sight, just millions upon millions of tiny glowing jellyfish floating about in the deep, black sea, like stars against a midnight sky.”

Rose stared up at him with round, dark eyes, but didn’t say anything. Unusual, that, but perhaps she was still a bit sleepy. The Doctor, however, was not sleepy, and longed for a distraction of some kind. Any kind. He wasn’t particularly picky. He just didn’t want to be left alone with only his thoughts for company. That sounded absolutely horrendous.

“What do you think?” he prompted with another mischievous grin—it was, he’d quickly learned, the fastest way to win Rose over in this new body of his.

“I think…”

Rose exhaled loudly. “I think I’d like to go home.”

The Doctor blinked. “You are home,” he said, frowning. “The TARDIS is your home.”

“Yeah, but for how much longer?”

Scratching the back of his neck, the Doctor averted his gaze. “I don’t see any reason to put a label on such things.”

“Why not? Seems like a useful thing for an expiration date.”

“That’s a rather macabre way to look at it,” the Doctor said slowly.

Rose laughed. “But all good things, eh?”

The Doctor frowned at her again. “Is it just me, or are we having two completely separate conversations? Not that I mind, only it isn’t typically human custom.” His face brightened. “Now, if you’d like to take a trip to Pyrethea, we could meet the two-headed Pyretheans and have ourselves some very interesting two, three, and four-way chats—”

“No. I want to go home,” said Rose.

Something about the look on her face, the pinch of her mouth and set of her jaw, filled the Doctor with unease. He felt certain he was missing something here, a nasty little pesky thing nagging just beneath the surface, but he couldn’t think of what it might be. Nor, really, did he care to examine it all that much.

The Doctor masked his sudden discomfit by turning away, fiddling with a dial on the console, pretending to adjust this and that. “Got it,” he replied. “Home. Where the heart is. Where you hang your hat. No place like it.”

Drawing in a deep breath, he shot Rose a tight smile. “Threw me a bit off guard, I suppose, but it’s not entirely unexpected. Though I’ll admit, I figured you would want to wait a little longer between visits. Seems like the last one wasn’t all that long ago. But the TARDIS could probably stand to be refueled anyway.

“All right,” he continued, clapping his hands together. “A brief shore visit, it is!”

“No,” Rose said, and, faltering, she shifted her gaze to the floor, where her toes were turning pink with cold. “I don’t mean it like that,” she said, to her feet more than anyone else. “I mean…”

She visibly braced herself, her eyes shuttering closed. “I mean I need to go home.”

Oh, the Doctor didn’t like the sound of that. It made his throat clench uncomfortably, set tiny alarm bells ringing in his head and squeezed something in his chest, maybe twisting a bit for good measure.

(Did she really have to do this now? Especially after…)

“For good?” he asked lightly.

“I don’t know. Maybe? I hope not. I just need to go and think for a while, get my head on straight.”

“Well, I don’t know if you need to home for little old that. Lots of places to go thinking on the TARDIS, aren’t there? Library, drawing room, garden, pool—or if you’re feeling overly literal, we could even go watch Rodin work on his most famous sculpture—”

“No,” Rose said again, sharper this time. “I don’t want to see any sculptures, I don’t want to see any pirates, and I don’t want to hole up and hide on the TARDIS. I need to go home, Doctor.”

Dumbfounded, the Doctor fell quiet. Tense silence hung in the air between them, thick and impossibly opaque. The Doctor wondered how this conversation had got so far away from him, what on earth Rose could be on about. She had seemed perfectly fine earlier in the day. And surely nothing significant had happened just in the last few hours. But she didn’t seem eager to explain, so he shouldn’t ask. Right? If she wanted to talk about it, she would say something. She usually did. Didn’t she?

“Okay, then,” the Doctor said, nonplussed. He shoved his hands in his pockets.

“Okay,” Rose agreed.

The Doctor cast about for anything else he could say, but the nets came back empty. And Rose didn’t offer anything either. She was, once again, unusually quiet.

He did not care for this turn of events. Did not care for them one whit. The Doctor had no desire to be alone again. He especially did not wish to be alone after everything that had happened in—after everything that had just happened. And no, Mickey the Idiot did not, in any way, count as adequate company. He would certainly be no replacement for Rose Tyler.

The Doctor briefly entertained the notion of refusing, of chit-chattering until he wore her out, or taking a page out of his previous incarnation’s book and just putting his foot down. He could do it. It was his ship, for goodness’ sake. He could bloody well take it wherever he wanted. But something in his gut told him that was the wrong approach here, that the determination hiding behind the tiredness in Rose’s eyes wouldn’t be so easily swayed. He knew that stubbornness all too well. And worse, he knew he wouldn’t win against it. Didn’t even have a fighting chance.

(Daleks, Autons, even mad Time Lords hardly presented a challenge, but one look at that face—right, that one, with the furrowed brow and slight pout—and he crumpled. It was ridiculous, honestly. Inexcusable.

Unless…)

“Very well,” the Doctor said. “If that’s what you want, I’ll make it happen. I’ll take you to home first thing in the morning.”

Rose hesitated, as if she might say something else, but she closed her mouth and simply issued a tight nod.

The moment she turned to leave, the Doctor indulged in a sly little smile.

 ***

Next

[cannibalhouse]

RDC3 Personal Highlights (spoilers: feels!)

So it’s been a few days since RDC3 and I still have not finished processing all the emotions. But I wanted to post my personal con highlights while they’re still fresh in my memory. Brace yourselves--it’s going to be a long one!

Firstly, let me get a few basics out of the way. It was beyond wonderful to see my wonderful fannibal family again. Truly, you guys make my life better every day in every imaginable way. In fact, my only real regret is that I was running around like a mad woman on a mission all weekend, and didn’t spend as much time with friends old and new as I wanted to. I didn’t even give out many of my posters! I hope you all forgive me <3 

I got a chance to meet a couple of my favourite artists, @camilleflyingrotten and @theseavoices - I think I kept my cool and didn’t fangirl too hard. I also briefly ran into @bansheegrahamtao who sadly did not throw wine at me again, I was very disappointed :P 

I would also like to thank everyone for all the amazing and thoughtful gifts and swag I came away with--including a beautiful handmade scarf from one of my dear friends. I will cherish it all, and plan to plaster the art all over the walls when @the-winnowing-wind and I officially move in together this month.

Onto the guests, who were all fantastic. Ellen seemed lovely, though I missed her solo q&a on Sat because I was stewarding. Demore was an absolute delight and so, so funny and sweet! Scott and Aaron were on their ‘best behaviour’ after their shenanigans at the first con... So naturally this translated into 50 Shades of Hannibal, featuring such scenes as Scott wearing Hannibal’s actual collar from ‘Digestivo’, Scott in high heels pretending to be Hannibal while Aaron as Will cried and smacked him with a riding crop, Aaron on his belly kissing Scott’s feet, and an actual adorable kiss. Love these guys so much. Myself and the co-writer of CopCop also had a chance to explain the upcoming comic to them, and they seemed excited at the prospect so watch this space!

(We’ll talk about Bryan in a little bit. I have a lot to say about Bryan.)

Hugh Dancy was just such a friendly, genuine person, and he seemed to have such a great time the whole weekend. He was so up for everything, dressing up with Bryan for the costume contest, doing all the crazy poses in photos... Speaking of which:

I said ‘I’m going to freak out’ because my mind went blank and I couldn’t think of a funny pose. Bryan said ‘should we freak out too?’ and then Hugh... Oh Hugh. There are no words for how much I love this picture.

I sadly missed the fannibal musical because I was taking part in the costume contest, but let me say that I’m so proud of everyone involved, and really grateful that I got to contribute in small small way with a few illustrations in the booklet. I’ve heard the performance was beyond amazing!

As for the costume contest, everyone looked amazing. In what is becoming a weird con tradition, the Chesapeake Stripper made a return, despite her utter terror at doing that in front of Hugh and Bryan. Luckily, she was joined by a friend--the fearless and fabulous @violetdebauched as the Stripper!Will to my Stripper!Hannibal. The pictures I’ve seen of the guests’ faces are amazing, and I’ve heard Hugh’s jaw dropped when Stripper!Will came out. And even though I ever so slightly... fell over in my stripper heels... right in front of my idols... Well, we looked fierce :P

I’d also like to share a pic of my Hannibal vinyl which I’ve had signed this con and last, and which now bears the sentiment ‘Great Stripping’ from Mr Aaron Abrams. This is the kind of positive affirmation I need in my life ha ha!

Now. Let’s talk about Bryan. Sit down, we’ll be here a while. 

I’ll start by saying I had a few moments with Bryan that I can’t talk about publicly, either because they were deeply, deeply personal, or because they relate to something which may happen in the future but I don’t want to jinx it.

Bryan was just a bundle of energy and enthusiasm and love the entire weekend. From yelling ‘I want to crowd-surf!’ and going running around the hall slapping high fives, to signing autographs on Sunday for 8 freaking hours straight without taking a break (except to do the closing ceremony, and going straight back to it), he was just incredible. He was just so excited to see everyone and could not be stopped from jumping out of whatever he was supposed to be doing to take selfies or snap a pic of someone’s costume or tattoo (he took a pic of my arm ha ha!). 

Speaking of his marathon autograph session, I stewarded it the whole time (3.30pm-11.30pm, phew!) and I don’t think he stopped smiling once that entire time. He was insistent on spending time with each and every person and it was a real delight to witness. Towards the end of the session, when there were only a few dozen people left, I remembered I had some of these posters in my bag and handed them out to the people queuing to spark some conversation with them, since we were all tired by then. I went back to guarding the door, when a fannibal ran up to me and said Bryan wanted one of the posters--he’d seen someone holding it, but I don’t think he knew where it had come from. I didn’t have any left on my person, so the lovely fannibal gave hers back and the staff let me slip it onto Bryan’s table (lovely fannibal, if you’re reading this, let me know who you are and I’ll send you a replacement and something pretty to say thank you!). Sadly, this almost ended in tears because one person at the end of the queue did something shockingly spiteful and unkind which resulted in Bryan losing the poster... I won’t go into details because it’s not worth the drama. But thanks to the kindness of the staff, and possibly because I have good karma, we got him a spare and he told me he wants to frame it. I don’t know if he will, but it was so sweet of him to say I just cried! That was the second time he made me cry that day! As for the first time...

As many of you know, I was compiling a fan book for Bryan featuring art, letters, poems, and pictures from fannibals all over the world. I got around 200 submissions, so thank you all so much for making that happen! Bryan already knew about the book because he somehow found my post on Twitter, and had said he was super excited. Boy was he excited.

I spent weeks working on the book, culiminating in two sleepless nights before the con feverishly finalizing the proofs, and sent it off to the printer Thursday morning. Kudos to my printers for hearing a frantic fannibal on the phone begging them to rush the order and doing such a great job of it! It arrived at the hotel shortly I did on Friday, and I began taking it around for people to sign and write messages on the inside covers. After all, I had titled it the Fannibal Yearbook, so that seemed appropriate. Thank you all for the enthusiastic and heartfelt response!

On Saturday morning, I had a photo with Bryan and decided to get one of us holding the book, because I was really attached to it by now and wanted something to remember it by. Bryan’s face lit up when he saw it and he said he’d been looking forward to it, but I told him he couldn’t have it yet and shouldn’t look at it! He said he loved it already and squeezed me after we’d taken the picture:

On Sunday, with the book now chock-full of messages for him, I decided the best time to present it to him would be during his q&a panel with Hugh, so everyone could enjoy his reaction (it wasn’t my book, so many people made it possible and they all deserved to share that moment). I got in line, and when I got to the mic and told him we’d like to present him the book, his reaction was amazing. He grinned and said something like ‘I’ve been looking forward to this all weekend! It’s the last day of the con and I thought, where’s my book, I want my book!’ Then he hopped down off the stage to take it, and gave me a huge hug.

(photo by @solamentenic on Twitter, whose tumblr name momentarily escapes me!)

(Photo by Naomi Roper Photogaphy)

I believe what happened next was Bryan thanking everyone for all their lovely art and letters, etc... But I was suddenly very emotional and didn’t want him to see me cry (again, that resolve lasted all of about 10 hours) so I went back to my seat and had a wee sob. Thanks to the person who gave me a tissue! 

I hope he loves the book, and maybe he will tweet some pictures at some point! Then earlier today, someone sent me a link to these pictures on the Starfury Instragram account:

These pictures were already EVERYTHING. And then I noticed which page they were looking at in the first picture. It’s this one:

The one in the bottom right corner that Hugh seems to be looking/pointing at? That’s a piece of my own art that I included: The Brides of Hannibal pastiche poster, aka my favourite thing I’ve ever drawn. I don’t know if they’re looking at the same page in the second picture, but that reaction is so beautiful and pure that, whatever caused it, it’s giving me life! Just think guys--we made Bryan throw his head back laughing, we did it!  High five!

I’m going to wrap it up there because this has taken 3 hours to write already, even though I’m definitely forgetting about 100 amazing things that happened. Thank you all for the hugs, the gifts, the laughs, and just basically for being the most lovely and caring group of people I’ve ever had the privilege of associating with. I love you all, and I can’t wait until we dine together again!

Yours totally functional and more or less sane,

Sam xx

(p.s. I think I’m right in saying Bryan confirmed Will and Hannibal are switches?? This makes me suuuuuper happy)

[satanistwhodeviatedtogod-blog]

Euro 2018

it’s fun and games until we hit the epilogue

one more sleepless night Then book the cheapest flight

earlier this month (may) we went for a short trip to Europe. We planned it for a year. we went there for educational purposes, which is Euromun. It’s a United Nation conference simulation.

We went there as a group that consist of 4 person

my hyperactive friend, J

my wild but religious friend, Ali

my grumpy bitch, Bella

and of course me

4/5 of us are selected from a very tight selection to represent Universitas Diponegoro in Euromun. With a year of preparation and well not that much time to meet and get to know each other because we have our own activity, we finally make it to Europe.

We went into separate flight. Me and Bella went there on Monday, J and Ali went there on Tuesday. too bad. It was around 10 PM from Soekarno Hatta International Airport and we went to Turkey for transit. Having a glass of coffee and a cig then straight to Schipol Amsterdam.

after we arrived, Bella and i store our luggage at the airport and we go straight to Amsterdam Centraal. Not surprised that the smell of weed everywhere. giting terus bosku!

We had a really nice Italian Pizza for breakfast. Strolling around Amsterdam was so much fun. It was unexpectedly warm there, and we wear a jacket. lot of jacket gosh

after strolling around centraal, we went back to Schipol to take our luggage and go to Maastricht. it’s a hell of a atmosphere. No traffic jam, very clean environment, and bikes everywhere. not a long after we arrived, we got picked up by our host parents there. Shout out to Mr. Untung and Mr. Adriyan!

the next day, Bella and I went for a walk in the city of Maastricht. It’s like a city for student, but sure it’s waaaay different from Tembalang riot city. We’re not actually walking but we ride bikes, just like locals.

this place is lit. even thought there are less attraction than Amsterdam, this place it’s a good place to live.

the conference start 2 days after we arrived. we gather all our stuff, research, but not our brain. kiddin’. it’s located in MECC. it’s a really good place for a conference, since it’s provide so many room that big enough to provide all the participant. I’ll be represent India in ECOSOC council under the topic of Globalization and gig of economy. I met a lot of cool person there from France, Germany, Netherlands, Spain, Switzerland, and even Israel. Surprisingly they’re so nice and very friendly to me even thought i have a very different background from Indonesia. Cheers to all of my friends there! hope to see you soon. #ecoshot

after all those exhausting day in the conference, we went to Paris. the funny thing is, we haven’t book any place to stay. But hey, where’s the fun part if we already plan everything correctly right? joke. it’s no fun at all.

we went to Paris by bus. but before that, we went to Belgium first because why not. Lots of chocolate there. too bad we went there while the avengers went by. all the roads its like on renovation, F!

oh and we went to Comic Strips Museum. we met Asterix & Obelix, total classic. when we want to get back to the bus, we almost got left behind. We went to the wrong station and have no idea which train to take. after trying to figure it out, we finally make it literally on time. living on the edge huh?

so Paris. the city of love where everything is art, including steal things. Just like Jason Mraz album. there’s so many spot that we want to see, but 3 days and 2 night are not enough. So we only went to the mandatory places such as Louvre, Eiffel, Arc de Triumph and other shit. its one hell of a adventure.

First on the list is Louvre. Because its the nearest and most reachable. There’s a lot of people there (no shit deto). We took a couple of shot and then we went to the nearest and one of the coolest cafe, Cafe Kitsune.

I even bought a mug! #kenaikanstratasosial #cheapestthingicouldafford

then we stroll to do some thrift

l̶i̶f̶t̶i̶n̶g̶ shopping. It’s kinda took time because it’s far. but worth the time. I got some Yankees tee for only 1€! what a bargain. then we had some kebab. safest food we could eat.

Tired of shopping, we went back to our list. We went to the Arc de Triomphe. its so crowded. Lots of car. Cooler version of Simpang 5 #semarangjugakeren.

Enough taking picture and embracing it, We went for a religious trip to Notre Dame. it was a really good looking and ancient cathedral. Everyone was very friendly even though we are Muslim. There are a lot of terrorist attack that triggering bigotry, and yet the security of Notre Dame still smiling and say hi to us. There’s a preacher talking inside and also people attending for a regular religious activity, and yet it remind us its time to taraweh back in Jakarta hahaha.

right beside Notre Dame, there’s a really cool river. And just so you know, that’s where Rattatoullie drowned and decided whether he want to act as a chef or just live his life as a rat. Yes. I know. Not important but still.

after that we went to the last spot. looking for a cool place to enjoy the sunset. the symbol of Paris. yup. where else. It’s the Eiffel Tower. we also meet several Indonesian there. It’s easy to recognize them. we arrived in Eiffel at around 7 pm, and the sun are not yet tired shining. The first thing we seek are toilet. The toilet are disgusting if you don’t really look. after we found the proper toilet, it was very modern and breathtaking. All automated thing makes us believe that one day the terminator will took over the world.

The Eiffel tower was amazing. lots of family, friends and also couple hanging out to enjoy the dusk. No soulmate, no problem. I still got my friends! #denialkampret

Eiffel at night are the best. All those cool lamps and the cold vibes are beyond amazing. Also with my old friend, Gudang Garam Kretek, the nights are perfect. We sit together, we gaze the star, we talk nonsense and enjoy the night like there’s no tomorrow.

after strolling from Paris, we went back to Maastricht. One funny thing that keep happen, we always get on the bus literally on time. Means that once we hop in, the bus drove away. No. That’s not a good thing.

It’s our last day in Maastricht. One more chance to live the fullest in here. No lol kidding. None of our friends from other Indonesian uni still here. So we just rest, looking for ticket to Frankfurt, Germany and go to the city for one last time. I know there are nothing there but still, Maastricht is an interesting place to discover.

we went to the bus station at noon. it was quite a long trip. we arrived around midnight with no f-ing clue which bus or train or any public transport we should take. sitting for a few minutes on the street, trying to figure out which one is our ride to Ginnheim. we’re staying at my aunt’s. Special thanks to Tante Sila & Om Jabrik. they also lead us (patiently) how to get there.

in the morning (its almost 12pm) we go to the city. we went to one and only place that we’ve been craving, Primark. There like a shitload of cheap with decent quality product that worth to buy. Wont hesitate to spent so much money there. Tired of shopping, we went to a cafe on top of a building. We can see the whole city from that point of view. what a way to spent the afternoon.

the next morning, we stroll to the city again. but its weekend, means that all the shop are closed. so, no shopping day. so we took a walk around the city. that day was a special day for frankfurt. the night before, Eintracht win against Munchen and gain victory for the German Cup since 1988. the whole city celebrating. drinking beer, marching around. everyone’s happy and surprisingly no vandalism.

later that day, we met Ale from Brawijaya to hang out. We also meet several Indonesian who live in Frankfurt. We hang out in a park enjoying afternoon with beers and fries. Also smelling other people smoke weed which is nice.

It was Ramadhan so we look for breakfasting. We went to Chinese restaurant. You know, no rice means haven’t eat. After getting fueled, we went to a bar to spend the night. it was real fun. and also cold. Never forget the cold part. We went back at 3 am. No more trams, subway and buses. Well we also cant walk tho. Strolling around for a while, thinking how to get back home, we finally manage to find one last bus that headed to Ginheim. fyuh

The next day we went to Rudesheim. Caca and Ale invited us. it was a really nice small town for a quick escape. Like Cisarua hahaha. It takes around an hour and half. We hop on a cable train. It has a wonderful view. the cable cara leads to Niederwald Monument. Strolling around Rudesheim feels like hanging out in Diagon Alley. its so chilling seeing people from young age to an elderly hanging out and dancing to a cheerful music.

After an exhausting day, we went back to Frankfurt. Catching for some dinner because you know, stomach asking for a refuel.

The next day is our last day in Frankfurt. it was Monday, means that all the store are open. Working days, but holidays for us. We go straight to the city, buying things we don’t need and spending money we don’t have. We split and go nuts for goods. We went back before dark, because later that night we need catch bus straight back to Amsterdam. We have our last dinner and saying goodbye to the Tante Sila and family. Time flies.

We also meet our local frankfurter for the last time before we hop on the busses. See you when we see you!

Earlier in the morning, we arrived in Amsterdam. we want to go to Amsterdam central to end our happy holiday. But shit happens. We bought the wrong public transportation ticket, so we can’t use it for the trains. farts. after that, we hop on the bus. Its a little bit detour but why not. Its a fancy busses and not mikrolet. The whole city of Amsterdam looks like a human size miniature. Very well coordinated. long story short, we arrived in the Amsterdam Centraal. We store our luggage at the train station and go straight to the city. Getting lost in Amsterdam for one last time.

First we need to get fuel. We stop on another kebab restaurant and have pizza for dessert. Every corner of Amsterdam smells like weed. which is wrong. and nice on the same time. Also, we look for several souvenirs to take back home. Funny things are, we only spent like only a days in Amsterdam and 16 days in Europe. Amsterdam its like Netherlands main attraction, but we don’t have times although we’re like 16 days here. There are also a lot of street artist who drew alll those vintage shops in a vintage building. Very classic. We also went back to the Red Light District for a quick stroll. Because why not right. We also want to visit Anne Frank Museum and explore the canals by boat. but we don’t have time and have a plane to catch. later that day, we went back to the airport and call it a day. Me, Ali, and Bella took a same flight. J have a solo flight. So long!

It was super amazing trips. Good friends, Good times, Good company. All leads to breathtaking memory.

ps: if you’re lookin for how i ended up with bella, just ask her. i dont even have any clue.