#Your Friendly Audrey II

[absolutely-correct-little-shop]

What about more Audrey and Audrey 2 moments

ooh this is a fun combination. this one is wonky because they barely have a dynamic in canon. here's what i could throw together.

Audrey: Wow, great work on the Halloween decorations. Where did you get the fake skeletons? Audrey II: Fake?

~~

Audrey: Hey Audrey II, do you wanna help us? Audrey II: Oh, I would... but I don’t want to.

~~

Audrey II: All right, Audrey, that’s it, you’re grounded! I found a rap album hiding under your bed and it was the clean version. I didn’t raise you to be such a nerd! Audrey: I’m not even your kid-

~~

Audrey II: Two wrongs don't make a right. Audrey: That's right! Audrey II: But two negatives make a positive!

~~

Audrey, shakily: Please, just tell me what the book is about. The plot, please. Audrey II, reading an annotation on the cover of a book, unfazed: A subversive masterpiece. A deep and touching story. New York Times Bestseller. Audrey II, now looking directly at Audrey: Go fuck yourself.

~~

Audrey: Aren’t you going to say “have a nice day?” Audrey II: I don’t care if you have a pulse, much less a nice day.

~~

Audrey: Audrey II... Audrey II: I can tell by the tone of your voice that you are disappointed. Alas, I must further disappoint you by affirming how little I give a fuck.

~~

Audrey II: You're alive. Audrey: No need to sound so disappointed.

[skidr0w]

anemone :   how does your muse view the world ;   as a cruel   &   unforgiving place ,   a land full of wonders ,   or something in - between ?  where does that world view come from   (   what experiences ,   life lessons ,   etc .   ) ?  

the world has always been cruel & unforgiving for seymour krelborn. his earliest memories are of the cold walls and moldy food of the skidrow home for boys. mr. mushnik was better than that - the back room of the shop was warm, and seymour had a bed instead of a spot on an overcrowded floor, and there was always something to eat. that doesn't mean the world was wonderful, though. no matter how kind seymour tries to be, no matter how friendly his smile, there's always a boot ready to stomp him back down; there's always an ulterior motive or a snarl or someone willing to push you to the ground in order to step right over you. that's what his life is. that's what it always will be - - - until audrey ii, who only feeds into the idea that the world is a bad place full of bad people. maybe getting rid of some of those bad people will make it a little better, though - - - and get seymour things he wants.

[does-this-look-inanimate-to-you]

Audrey II: Seymour is my enemy.

Audrey II: But it turns out he's his own worst enemy.

Audrey II: So Seymour is actually my friend.

Audrey II: But, because he is his own worst enemy, the enemy of my friend is my enemy.

Audrey II: So actually, Seymour is my enemy.

Audrey II: But--

[bogleech]

Things in nearly every good JRPG bestiary:

An attempt at a uniquely marketable slime, like dragon quest's teardrop slimes or final fantasy's flans

A major family of killer plants, either a spin on a Audrey II or flowers with teeth, bonus points for rafflesia or pitcher plant aspects

A really weird nasty thing famous for being toxic or smelly and causing all the status effects at once or something

Sea angel or jellyfish but it flies

Sea creature but it's fire element

The one with the eyeballs

Goofy looking monster race with a bunch of variants, like little furry critter people or hobgoblins, nobody in canon respects them but maybe there's a village of friendly ones to make you feel like a mass murderer

Ancient magic robot that exists to guard a lost civilization, probably has like glowing lines and some moss on it

Multiple giant bugs, but one of them is especially common, like is their "main" giant bug a stag beetle? A wasp? An earwig? I even saw some psx rpg where it was various reskinned walkingsticks and I can't remember which game!!

Little cute thing that can wreck you

Monster race that's like always "sexy," also always betrays wether the creators are furries or not

Something so messed up it's called like "unknown" or "enigma" or "abomination" or best of all just "???"

Inoccuous weird little creature that does something unexpectedly troublesome besides straight up offense like it eats your healing items or buffs the other monsters; an attempt at "the rust monster"

Thing that's just eyes looking out of a box or a cocoon or a spooky haunted door

Rare creature from entirely the wrong setting like you're playing a magical fantasy adventure but there's a 1 in 1000 chance of encountering a cartoon space alien in a UFO

Mimic that still tries to stand out from every other game's mimic

[sociallyawkwardfoxwriter]

A weird prompt but... Fjord hasn't used "Greater demon" in a hot second, so when he eventually does he doesn't end up summoning his usual. Instead he gets giant man-eating plants that really dont like anyone but him and Cad. Wildmom just decided to give her new son a big fuckoff pet.

Big fuckoff pet is one of the most amazing phrases I have ever seen and Fjord definitely deserves one from his Wildmom! Also, @glaciya suggested it be the flower that nommed him on the way to The Menagerie and my mind went to tangela from Pokemon, so I ended up combining the two. I think it just ended up as Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors...

Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy!

The smear of blood across his face grew more pronounced as he dragged the back of his hand across the cut to clear his vision. With a huff of frustration, he took a moment to survey the rest of the battlefield with what little vision he possessed. All of them looked significantly bloodier than they had when they arrived with several on the verge of collapsing. In the split second of indecision over how to best help, a large claw dug into the front of Caleb's chest causing him to immediately drop.

As the ground around him darkened, Fjord stretched out his hand to call forth the barlgura to aid them in their fight. While he expected the touch of the Wildmother to alter it to fit his domain, he was surprised to see a completely different form sprout from the ground. The giant form appeared to mostly be made of twisting vines that snapped out to attack their enemy. He probably would have missed the giant snapping mouth if it didn't latch onto the creature with bright pink petal-like jaws.

After shaking off his surprise at its sudden appearance, he sprinted over to Caleb and pressed a hand against his chest. The glow of his healing magic flowed through his hand to stitch some of his wounds. With a groan, Caleb opened his eye and accepted the help up to his fit. Caleb leaned heavily against Fjord for support, so he noticed when the wizard went completely still.

"Did you do that or should we be concerned?"

"It's probably fine."

"What is it?" Fjord opened his mouth several times, then finally decided to simply shrug his shoulders. "That is comforting. Maybe, moving away would be a good idea."

The end of Caleb's statement was emphasized by the crack of a vine against the ground next to him that had him stumbling into Fjord to get away from it. As they got further away from it, Fjord noticed other members of the Nein having difficulty with the new arrival. The only one that seemed not in the least bit hindered by their ally was Caduceus. If anything, the plant thing was also focusing on protecting Caduceus.

"I don't think your new friend likes us very much."

"Yeah, I'm picking up on that. I'm not even sure what it is."

"I think your patron decided you need a new friend to better fit your new look." Caleb paused what he was about to say as they both watched the plant creature devour the enemy that had nearly taken Caleb's life. "That is very impressive. Hopefully, it doesn't do that to any of us."

"That... was not something I was expecting to see today."

"Remember that time you were nearly eaten by a flower?"

"I'm starting to think the Wildmother has an interesting sense of humor."

Caleb's laughter was cut off when he began coughing and spit out his blood on the ground. "Perhaps Caduceus should speak to it when we are done here. It might be more friendly to the rest of us next time if we are introduced."

"We'll see what Caduceus thinks about that. You should probably keep your distance until we're sure it won't try to eat you."

"It would not be the first time something tried to eat me, but I would prefer not to be."

"So, maybe, stay here while Caduceus and I get a feel for our new friend."

"I can do that." A streak of fire from Caleb's hand flew past the plant creature to strike a humanoid figure attacking Beau, but the reason for the flame didn't seem to matter to the creature. "A little further away might be best."

While Fjord sent a few eldritch blasts across the way to help with the remaining enemies, Caleb shuffled around him to lean against his back for support instead of his side. "Are you trying to hide from it?"

"Should I just stand in the open and make myself an easy target?"

"Don't worry. I'll protect you."

"You don't even know what it is."

"I-" Fjord let the rest of the sentence die at the sight of it picking up three of the humanoid figures and dropping them one by one into its mouth. "Hiding is probably a good idea."

"I will give it to the Wildmother. That is significantly more terrifying than the barlgura."

"Yes, it is."

[i-d0nt-even-kn0w]

Thoughts on the Little Shop of Horrors Off-Broadway (2019) Cast Album

The Cast Album for the Little Shop of Horrors Off-Broadway 2019 revival recently came out, so I thought I’d throw in my two cents on it. 

I’m going to write this while listening to it, but I will put a disclaimer ahead of time that so far from what I’ve heard I overall, quite honestly, don’t love it. I don’t think it’s bad, for sure! But I feel like everyone is fawning over Johnathan Groff and Christian Borle and calling it “the best lsoh yet” which I just... don’t agree with at all.

I thought I’d create this post to gather and explain my thoughts as well as create a discussion. Whether you disagree or agree with me, comment in the post; I’d love to hear what y’all think! I’m interested in hearing others opinions and their explanations as to why.

But for now, here’s a bullet pointed list of my thoughts down below:

Johnathan Groff as Seymour

I’ll be transparent and admit that I didn’t think Johnathan would be a good cast for Seymour before I even heard the album, but listening to it confirmed my suspicions. He obviously can sing the notes fantastically (he’s such a good singer ahh!!!), but he also obviously isn’t the type for Seymour. Furthermore, he doesn’t even try to act into the type that Seymour is or character sing like Seymour would. It consequently sounds like he’s playing the typical handsome male lead in a musical, which Seymour isn’t--he’s more of a loser kid type (to quote my sister) and I just don’t think Johnathan pulls it off. 

I hate comparing actors, but I feel it will help to explain what I mean. I think that one of the reasons George Salazar was so good as Seymour in Pasadena Playhouse is because he fits the type and does the character singing, and it feels like how Seymour should feel: a cute, awkward loser. Not a handsome, charismatic guy barely mimicking one.

Tammy Blanchard as Audrey

I cannot say I support Audrey singing in a lower octave the way that this show chose to. Again, they butchered the character voice in the singing, and although some people find it refreshing, I find it out of place. 

I usually am awful at noticing autotune, but even I could hear it in Tammy throughout the album. Not necessarily her fault, but strange some people seemed to think she needed it so much.

Her “I’m sorry, Doctor” and everything after in “Feed Me” sounded so weird and not genuine and felt like she wasn’t even trying to act?

The more I listen to her the more I just really don’t like her Audrey... I’m sorry, Tammy. She’s not a bad singer, just... odd choices for Audrey, odd singing and voice acting choices.

Her “oh my gaaawd” in “Suppertime (Reprise)” and literally everything in it wtf I can’t even try to be polite anymore I’m so sorry Tammy but what?

The worst part of this album I am so sorry, Tammy.

I’ve realized while listening to “Somewhere That’s Green (Reprise)” that maybe Audrey sounds so weird because Tammy is trying to jokingly play up “Audrey is stupid haha” with her character voice and I PRAY that isn’t the case but if it is ooooh I’ll be so mad, Tammy/whoever the director is.

Tom Alan Robbins as Mr. Mushnik

His “Mushnik & Son” is fantastic! One of my favorite songs of the album, honestly. They get the creepiness and forcefulness of it well, it’s funny, and he actually leans into the character voice unlike many of the other actors. 

He doesn’t sound very old, which is what I prefer in a Mr. Mushnik, but this is just me being nit-picky lol.

Overall he’s one of my favorites from this entire album.

Christian Borle as Orin

I actually liked his “Dentist!” Not my favorite, but well done. 

“Now (It’s Just the Gas)” is where it all went wrong... but that’s its own bullet point. 

In all, I think Christian has the capability to be a great Orin, but the change in the musical orchestrations and the direction made him one of my least favorite Orins (but hey, at least he didn’t speak-sing every song like many Orins I’ve seen, thank GOD). I think the direction really voided Orin of any depth, and made him an JUST an unlikeable guy as opposed to an unlikeable guy who is also a comedic sadist who also can at times be genuinely friendly before you see him be a total awful person. Basically, they robbed him of complexity (and yes, Orin DOES have complexity).

His “now spit” didn’t sound like he took pleasure in it at all :(

Again, his “stupid woman, Christ what a freaking scatter-brain” and everything after it didn’t sound intimidating or even like he was trying to act at all... the slap didn’t feel intense as a result, and really killed the climax of “Feed Me”.

Kingsley Leggs as Audrey II

I have to be transparent again and say nothing will beat Michael-Leon Wooley as Audrey II in the 2003 Broadway revival, personally. He sang more into the role, which is how I myself prefer Audrey II to be played. That being said, despite Kingsley Leggs speak-singing more than I’d like, he pulls it off better than any of the many other Audrey II’s I’ve seen do it before, balancing speak-singing with his actual singing voice very well. And his actual singing voice is phenomenal! One of the better parts of the album.

His “Suppertime”? Mwah, chef kiss. Fantastic.

The Urchins

They were great, I don’t really have any criticisms for them, probably because they are roles that give the actors a lot more freedom in terms of acting and vocal choices.

Their “The Meek Shall Inherit”? Mwah, chefs kiss, their voices blend so well together. I love...........

The Orchestrations

They make them different from the usual LSOH orchestrations, most noticeably in “Now (It’s Just the Gas)”, which I will get to soon...

In general it’s not terrible, just not as good as the original in my opinion. I can tell they were going for something different, which I can respect, but it just comes out as odd when I’m listening to it. Perhaps it’s better on stage.

“Now (It’s Just the Gas)”

I have particular criticisms on this song because it’s one of my favorite songs in the show for its complexity, horror, and orchestration. This version, in the process of making it campy and different, gutted the song of it’s meaning.

They sped up Orin’s part in the music, which TOTALLY pulls away from the effective contract between his part and Seymours. Orin’s part should be slow to create the horrifying effect that he is dying slowly, begging slowly for Seymour to help him as he laughs himself to death. Seymour’s part is fast to show his frantic anxiety and fear from what will be his first murder. Instead this effect (which quite frankly is a basic part of any good LSOH) is ruined, and it ends up being a fast paced song all the way through that feels like it is just for laughs. One of the best parts of this song is how creepy and horrifying it is with the layer of comedy. This version of “Now (It’s Just the Gas)”... seems to not understand the song at all.

I personally believe Orin’s laughter should sound fearful at least a bit or at least towards the end, but it never does. It just sounds maniacal and leaning in to the comedy, which really takes away from whatever levity this number should have as Seymour’s first murder and the climax of Act I.

Christian’s Orin doesn’t sound angry (or, again, scared) when he dies. It really just feels like he leans into the joke psycho act, and this lack of character complexity or attempt to make us feel bad for a man literally laughing to death is... ugh.

Johnathan’s “Death?” at the end is much too frightened for my taste, and again creates a loss of impact in the song. The quiet fright yet calmness in which Seymour usually says “Death?” creates a sickening effect where you realize that he allowed a man to suffocate to death slowly while laughing. It’s supposed to be disgusting, not funny, not sympathetic towards Seymour (imo).

If you can’t tell, I am very passionate about this number. It’s a make or break song for me when I’m analyzing “is this a good production of Little Shop of Horrors?”

A Very Dumb Preference of Mine

More nit-picky personal preference thing, but I really prefer LSOH’s where Seymour is shorter than Audrey or at least not too tall. Johnathan is 5′11″ while Tammy is 5′6″. Again, super stupid and nit-picky, but just a personal reason this can’t be my favorite LSOH. It’s all about the subversion of stereotypical romance tropes.....

Bigger Than Hula Hoops

They renamed “Bigger Than Hula Hoops” “Da-Doo (Reprise)” in the album............... I’m being petty but that’s illegal.

CONCLUSION:

I’m sorry, but this is overall my least favorite version of LSOH (based off the cast album, of course!). Perhaps I’m biased, and perhaps people who say it’s their favorite version are biased because they are Johnathan Groff and Christian Borle stans (no shade, I am one as well). Either way, this is just my opinion, and I would again love to hear all your guys’s opinions: why you agree, diagree, etc!

[subukunojess]

Little Shop of Horrors- Planned FanFiction

Hey guys. I’ve been looking over both the AO3 and the FanFiction for Little Shop and seeing that there is limited fanfiction that I see, I’ve been obsessed with writing some fanfiction. I couldn’t get these thoughts out of my head, so I wanted to share them. 

Here are ten Little Shop of Horrors fanfiction ideas that I’m planning to write along with their summaries I wrote for them. If you’re curious about a particular one, please let me know!

To Feed

On the 21st day  of the month of September, the world encountered a deadly threat to its very existence. But where did this entity come from and what was it thinking? Follow the journey to the Earth's demise in the plant's perspective and experience what it truly means to feed.  

Begonia

Part of the Bad Things Happen Challenge. Nathan Cooper was considered to be the Skid Row detective. A man who strives for truth, justice, and cared about the people. One night, he will question everything that he ever knew when he interrogates the famous man of the hour. Seymour Krelborn.

The Human Race

Humans. What made them so unique? So interesting? So naive? From the flocks of customers flooding in nearly everyday to a break-in during Halloween, Audrey Two surveys the human race and throws its two-cents in.

Smell as Sweet

What would the world be like without Audrey? Was she really gone? Seymour never dwelled on that sort of nightmare until it became a reality when Audrey committed suicide. With only a plant named after his true love, Seymour would have to learn how to survive and take revenge while questioning his dwindling sanity. An AU originally created by @sinister-sweets

We'll Have Tomorrow

Based on one of the demo songs as intended.  When anxiety and man-eating plants loom in the near future, two lovers will embrace with promises of tomorrow. 

Warm Knitted Hugs

With Skid Row getting colder as Autumn finally makes itself known, Audrey will attempt one of the most challenging tasks she had ever faced: knitting a sweater.

Waltz with Flytraps

Life has been going smoothly since Seymour and Audrey started dating. That is until Seymour realizes his actual skills for dancing. Could a bit a practice and some help from a friendly plant save the night?

Music Helps With Growth

Music helps plants grow, right? Wanting to find an alternative to Twoey's new eating habit, Seymour tries using a radio to test that theory out. What he got was a blood-thirsty plant singing Motown.

The World's All Yours

When the man you consider a father begins to question your motives, your world starts to crumble right in front of you. Don't worry. "When he's gone, the world will be yours."  A deeper perspective of "Suppertime".

The Audrey II Club

Set after the play/Director's Cut ending. Audrey Two's have been selling like crazy in florist shops across the nation. While some plants died quickly or lost their appeal within a week, others got obsessed with the flytraps. In the quiet suburbs, a few kids decide to form an Audrey II Appreciation club with their own plants. When giant plants start to dominate the Earth, pacts will be formed, friendships will be tested, and the fate of humanity will be at stake.

[meanandgreenmama]

Dear future me, (What would you write here?)

It was still late at night on Skid Row. At Mushnik’s Flower Shop, the popular favorite Audrey II was overcome with bursts of laughter, even with its caretaker now out of the shop. Blood splattered all over the linoleum and scattered all over its maw as vines slapped against the floor. There was something in its dinner that was causing it to laugh uncontrollably. Or maybe the plant was just happy that Krelborn finally came around and fed it. Perhaps it was both. 

Reduced to giggles, the plant started to think to themselves as they savored the lingering taste of its prey. 

Dear Future Me, 

Everything’s runnin’ smoothly now and I’m feelin’ fiiiiiiiiiiine! Finally, some actual food! I’ve been living off of Seymour’s bland blood for weeks!

To be honest, I half-expected Seymour not to go through with it. Compared to other humans I’ve sensed, he’s not the definition of strong or a killer. At least, not to the humans at first glance. The trick’s to get the human at their deepest desire that they would do anything for. Once they do that, it all falls into place. 

Keep up the good work. Hopefully you grow even bigger and your next meal is even better. Never let your guard down, though. You got this!

Your Friendly Audrey Two

[ginnyweatherby]

Goodbyes and Galleons

I don’t think I’ve ever posted Harry Potter fanfic on here before, but I’ve fallen back into my Percy/Audrey habit and have been playing around with different scenarios since their story is so open-ended.  This is a version I’ve been toying with that Molly II is actually Audrey’s daughter from a previous relationship, her name serving as some sort of omen that she was destined to become a Weasley one day.

Anyway, if anyone happens to be interested in a silly fluff bit, this is a short piece about Victoire’s first trip on the Hogwarts Express, or as I like to think of it... how Percy met Audrey.  Please forgive my attempt at writing Fleur’s accent.

"Are you sure you 'ave everyzing you need?"

"Oui, Maman, I'm ready to go."

"You 'ave your scarf?  Quills?  Books?  Everyzing?"

"Relax, Fleur, we both checked her trunk before we left.  She's ready."

"I know but,"  Fleur let out a sigh, brushing a golden strand of hair behind her daughter's ear.  "I will miss you, chèrie."

Victoire smiled, two perfect rows of teeth practically glittering in the autumn sun.  She looked so much like her mother.

"Dad, why can't I go too?"  Dominique whined, hanging from Bill's sleeve.  "I'm only fourteen months younger than Victoire!"

"And in fourteen months you can join her,"  Bill said, peeling his daughter from his robes.  "Start counting."

Dominique crossed her arms with a huff, but didn't have long to brood, as the unmistakable cacophony of noise that followed the Weasley family wherever they went thundered behind them.

"We made it,"  Arthur said, joining Bill's family on the platform, the scarlet train puffing thick smoke all around them.

"On time for once,"  Molly said, adjusting her hat, before opening her arms to Victoire.  "Now, are you sure you have everything you need?"

Bill snorted, Victoire rolled her eyes, and Fleur looked very pleased with herself.

"Of course,"  Victoire said, allowing her grandmother to wrap her in a tight hug.  "I didn't expect you all to be here."

She pulled away, as a dozen relatives looked expectantly at her.  George was elbowing Percy about something, Ginny was fussing over Lily's hair, James and Roxanne appeared to be having a contest over who could yell the loudest, while Harry and Ron pointed out different parts of the station to Rose, who stood with an awed expression on her face.

"Oh, you don't think we would miss your first trip to Hogwarts, do you?"  Arthur said, ruffling Victoire's hair like he did when she was small, much to Fleur's chagrin.  "Our first granddaughter?"

Victoire shrugged.  "I meant I didn't expect all of you.  Even Uncle Percy is here!"

"Believe it or not, Uncle Percy does get vacation days,"  George said, stepping forward and offering a hug of his own, just as the train blew its loud whistle.

"I even know how to use them on occasion,"  Percy said, sparing Victoire the hug, reaching out a hand instead.

Victoire shook it, and Bill held back a snort.  He knew his brother meant well, but they looked as if they had just made some sort of business deal.

"You should really get moving, Vic,"  Bill said, watching as students boarded the train in herds, stumbling up the stairs with heavy trunks and disgruntled pets in cages.

Victoire nodded, picking up her own trunk and gazing up at the tall train.

"Make sure you write every day!"  Fleur called, as Victoire ascended the stairs.

"Every week,"  Bill mouthed with a wink.

Victoire boarded the train, and her face appeared a moment later from a compartment window, waving enthusiastically.

"Zere she goes,"  Fleur muttered as the Hogwarts Express began to chug away from the station, dozens of little hands hanging out the windows, calling out final goodbyes to their parents.

"One down, two to go,"  Bill said, glancing over to where Dominique and Louis were bickering about something.

Fleur opened her mouth to reply, but a shrill shriek from nearby cut her off.

"Goodbye, Molly!"

"Did someone say my name?"  Molly whirled around, searching for the sound of the voice.

"Bye, Mum, love you!"  A faraway voice called back, just as the train veered out of sight.

A woman who didn't look much more than thirty lowered the arm she'd been waving.  "Love you too, sweetheart,"  She said, although the train was now well out of earshot.

"First year too?"  Molly placed a comforting hand on the woman's shoulder.

She nodded.  "I can't believe she's old enough for Hogwarts already!  It seems like only yesterday I was off to school for the first time."

"It's my granddaughter's first year too,"  Molly said.  "Maybe they'll be friends."

"I hope so,"  The woman said, hiking her purse further up her shoulder.  "My Molly doesn't make friends too easily."

"Molly?  That's a lovely name."

"You think so?"

"I should hope so,"  Molly said, her eyes crinkling as she smiled.  "It's mine."

"Oh!  Well, I'm pleased to meet you, Molly,"  The woman stuck her hand out, much like Percy had only minutes before.  "I'm Audrey."

The rest of the Weasleys were beginning to get antsy, and Hugo was tugging on Molly's sleeve, begging for ice cream.

"The pleasure is mine,"  Molly said.  "I'd love to stay and chat, but I believe I'm being summoned."

She allowed Hugo to lead her away from Audrey, but Bill's eyes lingered.  He was happily married, but he wasn't blind - and while Audrey was nothing on his Veela wife - she was rather pretty, with dark eyes and hair.  Her robes were a modest deep plum, and as she fidgeted with her fingers, he couldn't help but notice… she wasn't wearing a wedding band.

"Oi, Perce,"  Bill flagged him over.

"What is it?"  Percy asked, testily.  "Harry was just telling me about-"

"Can it,"  Bill waved him off.  "You should chat that girl up.”

"Pardon me?"

"She's all alone, and you're the only single one here,"  Bill said.

"Thank you for that friendly reminder,"  Percy said, rolling his eyes behind his thick frames.

"I'm serious,"  Bill said, nudging his shoulder.  "You're not getting any younger, you know."

Percy scowled, his thirty fifth birthday the month before still fresh in their minds.

"Mum's promising Hugo ice cream,"  Bill said.  "Ask her to join us.  Everyone likes ice cream."

Percy tapped his foot, the toe of his dress shoes clacking noisily against the pavement.  "She is rather lovely."

"Atta boy,"  Bill ruffled Percy's hair (he grew more like his father every day, he realized to his horror), the latter skirting out of the way with a groan.

"What's Percy doing?"  George asked, as they watched Audrey look up and smile at their brother.

"Asking out a pretty witch."

"Really?"  George smirked.  "Excellent!  Ten Galleons she says no."

"You're on,"  They shook on it, just as Percy turned back toward them, the ghost of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.  "Because I think she just said yes."

[suddenlysomewherethatsgreen]

When do you think Audrey II realised Seymour was in love with Audrey? And do you think he knew Audrey was in love with Seymour?

Oh I bet it realized before the musical even began. Audrey mentioned that Seymour had shown it to her before so I bet it knew right away. Kinda like:

Seymour: Hey Audrey, look at this new plant I just got!

Audrey: Oh isn’t that... bizarre

Seymour: ya think so 😍

Audrey ii: be more obvious would ya?!

And it probably had some knowledge of Audrey’s feelings toward him, at least at being friendly. Because of the theories of how the plant can get in your head. Which makes it kinda funny how it promised to get Seymour Audrey when it knew damn well it didn’t have to do shit. Thank you

[absolutely-correct-little-shop]

Seymour: They put me in the beginners’ class with a bunch of little kids. I can’t be swimming around with a bunch of five-year-olds! They can be so cruel when they sense weakness…

Audrey II: That’s why on the first day, you beat up the biggest one in the yard.

Seymour: Twoey, that’s prison.

Audrey II: Only if you let it be.

[kickdownthewalls]

TOP 20 ROCK/METAL ALBUMS OF 2018

This has been a year of surprises and disappointments in pretty equal measure. Judas Priest blew me away with their latest record (and tour) and Immortal made one of the most triumphant comebacks in metal history. On the other hand, Voivod’s new one felt strangely by-the-numbers, as did the latest from Riot V and Monster Magnet. Still, the sheer amount of releases out there, just in the traditional metal and thrash scenes, is somewhat mind-boggling, and there were plenty of excellent albums to be found.

(Countries represented this year: Italy, UK, Sweden, Norway, Germany, USA, Canada, Switzerland, Portugal, and Denmark).

20. BURNING WITCHES - Hexenhammer

Switzerland is a tiny nation, but they have given the world some of the most creative and diverse bands over the years, from Krokus to Celtic Frost to Samael and beyond. Burning Witches combine elements of melodic thrash and classic heavy metal for a sound that works quite well and is perfectly suited to Seraina Telli’s powerful vocal delivery. The album has its ups and downs but the title track and “Open Your Mind” are both flat-out brilliant.

19. PERPETRATÖR - Altered Beast

This is how I like my thrash metal: fast, evil, dirty, but still well-played and composed. Perpetratör hail from Portugal and this is only their second full album, but it is a scorcher. Songs like “Extreme Barbarity” and “Terminal Possession” are brutally fast in the vein of the early Germans, but the band explore some more mid-tempo riffs here and there as well. Like all my favorite thrash bands, these guys sound like they are playing just on the edge of what they can get away with and the effect is electric.

18. ARTILLERY - The Face of Fear

These Danish thrashers are one of those bands that has always had consistently quality releases but, for whatever reason, never really made the impact others in the genre have over the years. While the line-up has changed over time, the current incarnation has done three albums together now and sounds quite comfortable here. The drum sound is a bit ‘bonky’ for my tastes, but the quality of the tunes rises above it. Bonus points for the variety of songs on offer, too, from speedy, complex thrash, to power ballads to straight-ahead heavy metal.

17. LUCIFER - II

Lucifer’s brand of retro doom rock is both obvious in its influences and original in its assembly of said influences. The jazzier side of early Sabbath is the most prevalent element at work here, with riffs that range from heavy and evil to mournful and atmospheric. Despite some line-up changes, the sound is pretty consistent with the excellent debut from 2015, with perhaps a bit more clarity in the production (though nowhere near polished-sounding, fear not).

16. WITCHING HOUR - ...And Silent Grief Shadows the Passing Moon

The number of excellent bands with ‘witch’ in their name is strangely high this year and Germany’s Witching Hour are another to add to that list. This is their third full-length and displays a great deal of maturity and talent for writing complex yet compelling songs. Elements of black and thrash metal abound, but there is a lot of other stuff going on here, too, and lots of melody. The bass playing is particularly impressive and really adds a whole extra dimension to the music, while the vocals are a potent mix of plaintive and grim and complement the dark, intricate songs beautifully. This was a late-year release and, given some more spins, it will likely rise on this list.

15. SATAN - Cruel Magic

It is rare that a band can pull together their classic line-up the way that Satan did in 2013, let alone one that can then proceed to release three albums back-to-back that fall right in line with their old material. Cruel Magic is the latest of these and has all the hallmarks that made Satan great: finely-crafted heavy metal that is speedy and complex, organic production, and an overall sound that is truly their own. They may have only caught the tail-end of the NWOBHM but damn if they weren’t one of the scene’s best and it is heart-warming to see and hear them continuing the legacy 35 years later.

14. ABYSMAL GRIEF - Blasphema Secta

Abysmal Grief are Italian doom masters that create a sound that is heavy, gothic, creepy, and relentless all at once. Most songs are in the 8-9 minute range and are usually centered around a few core riffs, but the way the band build them up and vary them throughout really pulls the listener in. Keyboards are used quite a bit and to great effect, while the vocals range from mournful to menacing. The band has kept a very consistent style since day one, with only the production getting a little better with each release, and Blasphema Secta sounds both heavier and cleaner than anything prior.

13. STRIKER - Play to Win

Been following these stalwart Canucks since their debut EP a decade ago and I’m glad to see that they have continued to evolve and refine their sound with each new album. Play to Win is probably the most ‘commercial’ release to date, with tons of melody and big choruses, but there is still plenty of heaviness on tracks like “Heart of Lies” and “Summoner” to keep a nice balance. Striker has gotten really good at writing distinctive songs that aren’t just a collection of riffs but actual, well-constructed tunes.

12. BULLET - Dust to Gold

This Swedish quintet has been bashing it out for 15+ years and still manages to release an invigorating collection of hard rockin’ metal tunes. Stylistically, Dust to Gold covers a fair amount of ground, from heavy metal in the vein of Accept and Grave Digger to more upbeat rockers ala Krokus and AC/DC. The common denominator throughout is a sense of fun that is missing from entirely too many albums these days.

11. LEATHER - II

Leather’s powerful voice was always the thing that raised Chastain from a good band to a great one and I’m pleased to report that she sounds just as good in 2018 as she did in 1988. The opening track “Juggernaut” is one of the best speed metal songs I have heard in a while and the rest of the album is consistently good, too. Shades of Dio and Priest color the wide range of tunes here and the band turn in some excellent, spirited performances. Glad to see Leather back on the scene and, as much as I enjoyed the Chastain reunion records, I think this one is even better.

10. HAUNT - Burst Into Flame

Although I enjoyed the first Haunt EP, the full-length debut really takes it up a notch. This is classic, old-school heavy metal that reminds me a bit of the first couple of Cauldron albums, with some wonderful dual-guitar work thrown in for good measure. The vocals are clean but remarkably restrained compared to some of the screamers out there, making for a nice change of pace. Songs “Reflectors” and “Burst Into Flame” have a haunting (ahem) timelessness to them and the album flows really well from start to finish.

9. THE NIGHT FLIGHT ORCHESTRA - Sometimes the World Ain't Enough

Despite featuring members of Soilwork and Arch Enemy, this is a long, long way from death metal, melodic or otherwise. Although the band’s first effort had a distinctly late-70s hard rock vibe to it, each record since has taken the listener deeper into the world of 80s AOR. Unlike a lot of the sterile, radio-friendly acts from that actual era, NFO bring a warmth and heartfelt approach that really brings the music alive. This is the band’s fourth album and probably their weakest, but it still stands well above the average album of 2018. Songs like “Turn To Miami” and “Pretty Thing Closing In” are immediate, timeless classics.

8. THE CROWN - Cobra Speed Venom

Although Deathrace King is still one of my top 5 death metal records of all time, The Crown never really were able to duplicate its genius. Cobra Speed Venom, however, comes damn close. It has all the brutality that the band is known for but brings back a lot of the punky/thrash energy and memorable riffs that have been missing for a while. The first three songs might be the best start to any album this year; just relentless, mayhemic brilliance. Top it off with one of the coolest and most original album covers I’ve seen in a while, along with three bonus tracks that are actually worth adding, and you have one hell of a return to form.

7. SAXON - Thunderbolt

Saxon certainly made some missteps in the late 80s, but I can’t think of another band that has remained as true to form over the years, while also consistently putting out quality albums and touring relentlessly. Thunderbolt is no Wheels of Steel or even Call To Arms, but it is still a solid record that is as good or better than the last couple. From the melodic timelessness of “The Secret of Flight” to the moody “Nosferatu (The Vampire’s Waltz)” to the raging “They Played Rock and Roll,” there is also a diversity rivaled only by Priest on this list.

6. BLACK OATH - Behold the Abyss

When it comes to true, epic, soul-crushing doom metal, Black Oath have become true masters. I have been following this band since the Portrait of the Dead single back in 2010 and am pleased to say they just keep going from strength to strength. Behold the Abyss balances a lush production, clean vocals, and plenty of melody, with dreadnought riffage and blissfully dark, esoteric lyrics. A rich, dynamic work of black art.

5. SIGN OF THE JACKAL - Breaking the Spell

This amazing Italian band has created a style that is equal parts early 80s Warlock and late 80s Judas Priest. Great, driving metal tunes that sometimes border on speed metal with plenty of screaming solos and hooky choruses. The recording, the mix, the energy, everything about this record is incredibly old-school and authentic, right down to the 32-minute running time.

4. AUDREY HORNE - Blackout

Ever since these Norwegian rockers abandoned all pretense and went full-on retro with their Youngblood album, I have been hooked. They compose hard-hitting rock tunes with tons of hooks and Lizzy-esque harmonies that give a nod to metal and punk without really being either. The first three songs - “This is War,” “Audrevolution,” and “Blackout” - are all perfectly built and give a great cross-section of the band’s diverse sound. Toschie’s vocals are as unique as his fashion sense and, as much as I loved the last two records, I think this one may be their best yet.

3. BRAINSTORM - Midnight Ghost

Brainstorm has long since perfected their style (as far back as Soul Temptation, some fifteen years ago), and each new release is really just varying levels of execution. As good as Scary Creatures was a couple years back, Midnight Ghost is truly brilliant and may possibly take the title as my favorite Brainstorm outing. All of the usual plusses are in place - great production, top-notch musicianship, catchy tunes - but the songs themselves are just a tad bit more finely honed and memorable. “Ravenous Minds” and “When Pain Becomes Real” in particular are killer and there is nary a dull moment here.

2. IMMORTAL - Northern Chaos Gods

My first Immortal record was At the Heart of Winter and it is still my favorite black metal album, hands down. The combination of raw, icy riffs with the mind-blowing drumming and just enough melody to keep it all together was/is intoxicating. Immortal has never done a bad album, but some are definitely better than others and Northern Chaos Gods is one of the best ones. The ferocity is up there with Pure Holocaust and Demonaz’s vocals, while not quite as distinctive as Abbath’s, fit the music perfectly. The band wisely took their time to put this record together and the results speak for themselves.

1. JUDAS PRIEST - Firepower

Priest has been one of my favorite metal bands since I first got into them back in ’82 and they are still right up there with Sabbath, Accept, and Mercyful Fate, with a catalog that is as diverse as it is brilliant. After the disappointing Nostradamus and good-but-not-great Redeemer of Souls, it was a real pleasure to hear Firepower, a true, all-guns-blazing Priest record. The production is 1000% better than anything they have released in the last two decades and the material is both diverse and top-notch. Songs like “Firepower,” “Never the Heroes,” “Children of the Sun,” and “No Surrender” have such a classic sound to them and Rob has not sounded this good since Painkiller. Even the weakest tracks (“Lone Wolf” and “Sea of Red”) have grown on me a bit, so I am confident that Firepower will go down in history as one of the band’s crowning achievements.

I must also mention some very impressive EPs, demos, and singles that were released this year, namely those from CIRITH UNGOL, ROUGH SPELLS, ÜLTRA RAPTÖR, PULVER, SIGNIFICANT POINT, TENTATION, ANCIENT SÉANCE, SABÏRE, and OCCULT BURIAL. If you aren’t familiar with any of these bands or haven’t heard their latest, I highly recommend getting acquainted immediately.

As usual, my list could have gone on much longer, but here are the bands that just missed the top 20: AMORPHIS, AURA NOIR, BEHEMOTH, BLACK REBEL MOTORCYCLE CLUB, BLACK VIPER, BLADE KILLER, CAULDRON, DIMMU BORGIR, DREAM CHILD, GOAT WORSHIP, GRAHAM BONNETT BAND, IRON ANGEL, KHEMMIS, KRISIUN, NIGHT VIPER, PRIMAL FEAR, PROFESSOR BLACK, RIOT V, SABOTER, SKULL FIST, SUBSTRATUM, TAD MOROSE, VISIONS OF ATLANTIS, VULCAIN, WHITE WIZZARD, WITCHFYRE, and WYTCH HAZEL.

What is on the horizon for 2019? Well, I am already psyched about the new ones from CANDLEMASS, DELAIN, ROCK GODDESS, FLOTSAM & JETSAM, CHAINBREAKER, SOILWORK, WITHIN TEMPTATION, MORTAL SCEPTER, HAMMERFALL, and TYTUS, plus possible releases from SACRED REICH, DEATH ANGEL, and EXCITER all have me really looking forward to the coming twelve months. The world is crumbling around us, but at least the metal scene is stronger than ever!

[does-this-look-inanimate-to-you]

How ‘Bout That Audrey? Part II: One Particular Girl

previous | first | next

Where am I...? Audrey opened her eyes drowsily, but she barely saw anything. She was covered with some sort of blanket, or something similar. She tried to move around, but she was unable. What’s going on? she tried to say. No sound came out. What happened to me?

Suddenly, Seymour’s voice was audible, rather muffled.

“Why would anyone wanna hurt Audrey?” he was saying. “She’s so sweet and friendly—almost everyone loves her!“ He sounds so worried... Oh no, how long have I been sleeping? Long enough to make him panic?

“Some more than others,” another, deeper voice replied. Who’s that?

“Yeah, yeah.” Seymour sounded a little embarrassed. “Tease me all ya want, but it’s not gonna help matters.”

Tease him? About what? “Some more than others...” does that mean he likes me? In that kind of way? No, of course not. Focus, Audrey! Figure out what’s going on!

“You’d do anything for ‘er, right?” the second voice asked silkily.

“Right, but that’s not the point. What would someone have against her?”

“Could just be some psychopath.”

Audrey wanted to jump up and tell Seymour she was okay, but she was still mostly paralyzed. She could move a little bit, but not very much.

“Twoey, I swear to God!” Seymour’s tone was angrier than Audrey would have expected. Twoey? Audrey II? The plant? The plant can talk? “You’re damn lucky I don’t have any friends besides Audrey, or I wouldn’t be talkin’ to you.”

“Ouch.” The plant’s voice was mock-offended. “It’s almost as if you don’t want me to tell you where Audrey is.”

This seemed to change Seymour’s mood quickly. “You know where she is? Where? Is she okay? How do I find her?”

“Maybe I’ll tell you...” Audrey II paused, supposedly for effect. “If you bring me someone to eat.”

Someone? Doesn’t it mean something? But judging by Seymour’s reaction, the plant knew exactly what it meant.

“N-No! Absolutely not! What kind of monster do you think I am?”

“But don’t you want to find your friend?” Audrey II replied slyly.

“Well, of course I do! She-You know I-but I can’t kill a person! That’s wrong! Besides.” Seymour’s tone grew sullen. “Even if I did see Audrey again, she could find out, and she’d never trust me again.”

Would I? I do care for him... but I don’t know if him killing someone would change my feelings.

“She’d never know. Ya wouldn’t have any evidence.”

Seymour sighed. “Look. How about I sleep on it, and tell ya in the morning?”

“No...” Audrey whispered, barely audibly. I can speak! Audrey moved her right leg a little bit, and then her left. She discovered that her arms were mobile now, too.

“Fine. But ya have until tomorrow morning.”

Seymour’s footsteps began to grow softer as he trudged toward his room. I can’t stand by anymore. I don’t want anyone to die just because of me. Audrey rose unsteadily, keeping as quiet as possible as she moved the cover off herself and stood tall enough to be seen.

“Seymour!” she cried out. Seymour whipped around.

“Audrey?!” he exclaimed. “Hang on, Audrey, I’ll be right there!” Seymour raced toward her, but Audrey II blocked the way.

“And where do you think you’re goin’?” it snarled.

“Let her go!” Seymour demanded.

“Why would I do that?” Seymour stopped to think.

“Uh... because if you don’t, I’m not gonna feed you.” Audrey was astonished by his bravery. “No people, no paper cuts, not even rats. Now that I know she’s safe, I’m not killing anyone. I’m not gonna do anything for you until you let her go.”

The plant considered, then let out a rather dramatic groan.

“Fine.” It drew its vine back, allowing Audrey to stumble toward Seymour. He reached his hand out, and she took it. Seymour hoisted her up until she was standing upright. “This isn’t the end, though,” Audrey II taunted. Seymour ignored it.

“What happened?” he worried, helping her to sit down.

“I... don’t remember,” Audrey confessed. “I just... woke up here. I couldn’t move or say anything. It covered me with some sorta blanket or somethin’.”

“We can’t keep talkin’ here,” Seymour told her, shooting Audrey II a furious glare. He looked back at her, his expression now tender and concerned. “Could I walk ya home?”

“Uh, suah’.” Audrey tried to stand, but she still wasn’t stable enough. She collapsed onto the ground.

Seymour hurriedly helped her stand. “You okay?” Audrey nodded. “You can hold onta’ my hand, if ya want.”

“Alright.”

Gently, Seymour took Audrey’s hand. The two steadily made their way across the shop and out the door.

“How long was I out?” Audrey asked him as they crossed the street.

“About a week. I was so worried.”

“Oh no... I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be. Ya couldn’t help it.”

They were silent for a few moments, before Audrey thought of something.

“Seymour?”

“Hmm?”

“Would...Say I hadn’t gotten up, and ya still didn’t know where I was. Would you... would you really bring it a person to eat?”

“You heard about that?” Seymour looked ashamed.

“I heard most’a the conversation,” she admitted. “But would ya have?”

“I would have considered it,” Seymour mused. “I don’t think I would have done it, though. I only wanted to know where you were—killin’ someone wouldn’t be worth that, ‘sepecially since you were right under my nose. Besides, killin’ is wrong, no matter what the reason. And I don’t think you would trust me very much if I did find you and you found out.”

Audrey smiled. “I didn’t think so. You’re not the kinda person to kill people.”

Seymour chuckled a little. “I s’pose you’re right.”

They reached Audrey’s building. “Will you be okay?” Seymour asked her.

“I think so. Thank you so much, Seymour.” She looked him in the eyes.

“It was nothin’,” he insisted sweetly. “I’m right across the street if ya need anything, okay?”

“Okay. Goodnight, Seymour.” Giving him one last smile, Audrey carefully made her way inside. She was still dressed in her nightgown, so she decided it would do for the time being. She sat down on her bed, lost in thought.The plant eats people. It almost made Seymour kill someone! Why didn’t it eat me? It had me right there—it could have eaten me then and there.

But then, it was trying to trick Seymour. Maybe it would have gotten more food out of him if it used me as leverage.

Then Audrey remembered something. He said he liked me. Well, he didn’t, but the plant did. And he didn’t exactly deny it. Am I delusional? Or maybe I'm just too optimistic.

If he knew about everything that’s happened, he definitely wouldn’t love me.

What about Orin? What do I do about Orin? I can’t stay with him, even if I didn’t feel the way I do about Seymour. He’d never let me leave. I’m pretty much his property.

Audrey flicked off the lights and lay down on her bed, but sleep was far away. She stared at the blank ceiling.

What’s going to happen now?

[solarmorrigan]

Little Shop of Horrors AU Snippet [Gen]

((Day 26, FEED ME, SEYMOUR. Q the 2nd isn’t mean to sound like Audrey II, but I did keep some of the lines from the exchange, while trying to make it sound... Bond...ish? This AU is plotted out here; warnings for discussion of murder and references to domestic abuse))

Read it on Ao3

The plant was talking.

The plant. Was talking.

To him.

“You can’t be serious.” Bond muttered.

“I’m very serious.” Junior snapped, waving its vines, “I’m starving!”

“You’re starving? Well I’m getting anemic. You’ll have to wait a few days.” And now Bond was arguing with the plant.

What a fantastic turn his night was taking.

“I can’t wait a few days.” Junior gasped, “I’ll die before then!”

Bond rolled his eyes. Dramatic piece of greenery, this. “Fine. I’ll go down to the butcher and pick you up some chop steak, first thing.”

Junior tsked at him, rustling as it shook its enormous pod back and forth. “It must be blood.”

Something about the tone made Bond’s own blood go cold. “And it must be fresh.”

“Suppose cow’s blood isn’t good enough for you?” Bond inquired, flippant despite the chilling conversation, “I’ve spoiled you.”

“Perhaps.” The edges of Junior’s mouth curled up into something that almost looked like a smile, “But I still need to eat.”

“Eat what?” Bond snapped, “How do you expect me to keep feeding you? Kill people?”

“I can make it worth your while.” Junior murmured, conspiratorial.

“No.” The word was out of Bond’s mouth before he’d even consciously decided to protest, “Absolutely not.”

“You think I can’t?” Junior chuckled, a strange, squeaky noise, “And did you think all the success here in this sad little flower shop was because you just put an interesting plant in the window? All the press coverage? The money? Did you think it was a coincidence?”

“I don’t care what you’ve done. Nothing is worth murder.” Bond asserted.

“Oh, don’t think of it as murder. Think of it as… cleaning up.”

“Cleaning up.” Bond repeated, his mouth dry.

“Certainly. You’ve been around. Seen some nasty things. A lot of people deserve to die.” Junior crooned, looping one over-friendly vine over Bond’s shoulders.

“Shut up.” Bond shrugged the vine away, “There’s no one I would chop up and feed to a bloody plant.”

Junior hummed, considering. “Oh, we both know at least one person you would.”

Bond scowled. “What are you–”

“My namesake came in with a lovely new black eye today. He was favoring his right side over his left, too, wasn’t he? I noticed, and I’m sure you did, too.” Junior jabbed a vine at Bond’s chest, “You met the boyfriend yesterday. What was his name, again?”

“Silva.” Bond muttered, despite himself, “And no matter what the bastard’s done, Q would never forgive me.”

“Q doesn’t need to know. Just kill the boyfriend quietly. And get rid of the evidence by feeding him to me!”

“Shut it!” Bond thundered, “The answer is no.”

Turning on his heel to walk out, Bond tried to close his ears to what Junior was shouting after him, but found he couldn’t, quite.

“He’ll go too far one of these days, you know. Would you rather Q die, or the bastard beating on him? You think about that, Bond!”

-/-/-

The next day, Junior was still slumped over dramatically on the floor, but was blessedly silent. The shop was a bit calmer than usual, and it made Bond wonder if Junior really was responsible for everything it claimed.

No matter; it wasn’t worth murder.

From the storeroom, there was a sharp hiss of breath and a short grunt, pulling Bond from his thoughts. Poking his head around the door, he found Q attempting to reach for a box on a high shelf, but unable to quite get his arms above his head.

“Let me.” Bond offered, stepping into the room.

Q jerked and jumped around, arms coming up immediately to curl over his ribs. For a moment, there was real fear on his face, and it made Bond at once want to pull Q to his chest to reassure him, and hit something very hard. “Just me.” Bond said instead, making an effort to keep his voice light.

“Christ.” Q breathed, dropping one arm, but keeping the other wrapped around his midsection, “You startled me.”

“I can see that. Didn’t mean to give you a heart attack, it just looked like you were having trouble.”

“Yes, well. I’m just having difficulty with… reaching. Bit sore.”

“Looks like it.” Bond eyed the miasma of color around Q’s left eye, “What happened, again?”

“I fell.” Q said hollowly, as if he knew Bond wouldn’t believe him but didn’t quite care, “I’m quite clumsy sometimes. It happens.”

Bond was quiet, still studying the bruise on Q’s face, and the way he clutched at his ribs, and Silva’s business card was suddenly quite heavy in his pocket. “I see.” Bond said at last, “Well, let me get the box for you.”

He couldn’t quite reach all the way up with his right arm, but he nudged it free with his left hand and caught it as it fell. He carried it into the shop for Q—“No reason to aggravate your side further”—and placed it on the front counter.

“Thank you, James.” Q cleared his throat, glancing uncertainly around the shop, “What’s happened to Q the 2nd, anyway? It’s quite… droopy today.”

“It just needs to be fed.” Bond told him, “I’ll be taking care of it tonight.”

[katzexpressions]

Name: Audrey Yeung

Year & Major: First Year, Human Development

What is your first memory?: My earliest memory was riding my bike with trainer wheels with my older brother around the swimming pool in the apartment I lived in. I was about three years old at the time and my brother and I would spend a lot of time biking in circles. My knee also would often get caught in the bars that drew the border from the pool. 

Do you think people, in general, are more similar or different?: I think that in general, people tend to be more similar than different. There are more good people in this world than bad (i would like to assume so). People also unconsciously have some type of desire to do something in life whether that is big or small. 

If you could be any character from any movie or TV show, who would you be and why?: I don’t watch shows, movies, or television in general but if I had to choose one character to be, I would probably choose Spongebob. I think that if I were to be a cartoon character he would best describe me and my personality. He is always up to something, really friendly to everybody he meets, and likes to go on adventures!

What is a fear you had and how did you overcome it?: I feared heights when I was younger and every time I went on the elevator with glass walls, I would freak out. Over time, I learned to overcome this fear by riding on more elevators because it was inevitable to avoid. 

If your friend group was a bicycle, what part of the bike would you be?: I would be the back wheels because it plays the role of not exactly the leader but I stay behind to make sure nobody is left out or stays behind. I think that the back wheels are very essential in a bike and I would like to think that I’m worthy in my friend group lol. If the back wheels are flat that also means you can’t go very far without your thighs burning from pedaling so I would like to feel important sometimes. 

If you had to change one of your body parts to that of an animal, what part would you give up and what would you choose instead?: I would trade my feet for flippers because I don’t like feet. I think that flippers would also be geat for swimming as well! I love swimming and it would make me go much faster in water. I also think yellow duck flippers are the cutest things ever.

Is it easier to love or to be loved and why?: I think it’s easier to love than to be loved because I feel like I always show love and it comes easy to me. This isn’t limited to showing it to family but to friends. I think that I’m constantly telling my friends how much I appreciate them and though they may do the same, it’s hard for me to accept their words. 

Do you believe in the supernatural?: YES! I grew up in a super superstitious family so I believe things like ghosts and spirits exist. This terrified me as a kid for my parents to say that ancestors are watching over us because I don’t want to see ghosts. 

How do people perceive you and how would you like to be perceived?: People, specifically in Alpha Phi Omega see me as a little sister which I love because to me, I also see my pbros as my older brother/sister because they take such good care of me even outside of the fraternity. I would like to be perceived as someone who has positive energy. I strive to be happy and II feed off of good energy so I hope that I also am able to provide that to people I encounter.

[saturnscholar]

"What! I'm friendly!" Pout pout. "Besides, I don't want to be Orin Scrivello. He sucks. I wanna be the star." Umbral flips his hair and walks over to his bed. Then, he flops down dramatically. "I guess I could audition for the voice of Audrey II, but I wouldn't have a visual role..."

“Sure, you’re friendly, in your own special way,” Saturn flashes him a short-lived smile. “It’d be visual if you dressed up like the big plant.” That would be fucking hilarious.