#a big loss for the transmasc community

[the-heart-of-a-monster]

THoaM Issue 9 PAGE 7

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[transmascissues]

I’ve been struggling for a long time (almost 5 years now) over whether or not I’m trans. At this point I’m think I might be, but I’m terrified of loosing all the stuff I love about womanhood. The friendships, the clothes, but mainly being able to call myself a lesbian.

I think I really need to confront my gender, but I don’t know if it’s worth loosing all of these things that mean the world to me, advice?

fun fact: you don’t have to lose any of those things to be trans!

your friendships don’t have to change. sure, if you get to a point where you pass as a guy / are seen as not-a-girl in some way, new people might treat you differently and approach friendship with you differently, but the friendships you already have won’t have to change at all. absolutely nothing about my friendships changed when i came out; there’s no way of being friends that’s exclusive to women. and if a friend does treat you differently just because you’re trans? that’s on them, and it honestly might be a sign that you’re better off without them anyway.

you can wear all the same clothes you do now. my wardrobe hasn’t changed at all since i came out. i’ve always chosen my clothes just based on what is most comfortable for me, so i’ve been perfectly happy keeping all of my old clothes. my body and the way other people see me were the things i felt the need to change, not my clothes. i might not have the most masculine wardrobe ever, but it’s what i’m comfortable in and that’s the important part. if anything, being trans just expanded my wardrobe instead of changing it — i kept wearing all the things i always liked, but i also started to look in the men’s section and found even more things that i like wearing.

and you don’t have to stop calling yourself a lesbian just because you’re trans. it’s one thing if being trans also means the label doesn’t feel like it fits anymore, but if it still feels right? you can keep using it as long as you like. nonbinary lesbians and transmasc lesbians and lesboys and trans men whose love for women still feels gay and people whose only remaining connection to womanhood is the fact that they’re lesbians and multigender people who are lesbians because of their womanhood while also being other genders and people whose genders are just butch or femme or dyke and nothing else all absolutely exist, as do trans guys who don’t personally call themselves lesbians anymore but remain part of the community because it still just feels like their home; you’d be far from the first person to transition while holding onto an identity that’s still meaningful to you, even if it sounds contradictory to other people.

i’ve gone through similar processes of trying to reconcile newly discovered parts of my identity with the parts i’d already accepted, and you’d be surprised how often the answer to the dilemma is just “i guess i’m both, unless/until i decide one of them doesn’t feel right anymore.” i don’t talk a lot about my specific identities on here but they’re full of so-called contradictions. the thing about queerness is that it’s never been about making our identities “make sense” or “sound right” to other people. queerness is automatically looked down on by most people as wrong or unnatural or confusing or just completely unintelligible, and the job of queer people is not to make them more intelligible but to embrace them despite the fact that most people think we’re ridiculous for doing so. the only person your identity has to feel right to is you; no one else matters.

any shift in identity is going to feel like a massive change when your old identity is one you lived in for a long time and grew attached to, but being a big change doesn’t mean it’s necessarily a loss. of course, if it feels right to let go of some of the old to make room for the new, do that, but never feel obligated to do so. if you aren’t ready to let go of something associated with your old identity yet, let those things stick around while you welcome the new stuff in and see how they get along. you aren’t on any kind of timeline; you can take the transition slow and only let go of things once you feel absolutely sure that they aren’t serving you anymore, even if that means never letting go of some of the things other people say you should want nothing to do with. some of us are happiest when we embrace identities and ways of moving through the world that make absolutely no sense to anyone but us.

so my advice is this: don’t run away from this. it’s not fair to yourself to live your entire life in a limbo space of perpetually agonizing over your identity but never doing anything about it. the best thing you can do is give yourself permission to explore these feelings in their entirety, rather than only focusing on the things they might take away from you. i know it’s scary, but i guarantee you’ll come out happier on the other side no matter what you end up identifying as. knowing more about how you want to be seen and how you want to live life is only going to help you be more satisfied with the life you’re living — you can’t be happy if you never give yourself the space to learn what being happy means for you.

if, at the end of it all, you do end up letting go of some of the things you feel attached to now, it’ll only be because you found something that makes you even happier and feels even more right. and if you don’t? you can live the rest of your life holding onto all of the things you love about womanhood without actually/entirely/only being a woman! there are no rules; gender and queerness have no limits except for the limits of how far you’re willing to go to truly know yourself.

[oinkinpigprince]

HIHIHI umm what about a gwimbly x a trans masc reader hehehe OKAY BYEE LOVE YA

HII!! UMM I THINK I CAN DO THAT, I LOVE YOUUU💕💕

Gwimbly x transmasc reader

Gwimbly doesn’t know what being transgender is, just flat out. The only reason he knows what being gay is, is because he is gay. Other than that he doesn’t think too hard about the lgbt+ community

When you tell him you were born a girl he just kinda goes “sorry for your loss?”. He’s trying his best to be empathetic, he’s still learning.

Eventually gwimbly does realize what being transgender means and it’s such a light bulb moment. He looks off into the far distance like a monk who figured out the meaning of life

Nothing about this really changes how he acts and talks to you, maybe he tries to be a little more supportive but you’re still the same person you were 10s ago so.

Depending on where you are in your transition, gwimbly will offer to do your top surgery for you. “Rip them bad boys off real clean” as he puts it. As someone, who knows a guy going to college to become a nurse, don’t let him do this.

Tries to be your biggest hype man in general but sometimes can go over board. Screamed “NICE COCK” at you while you were trying to take a piss. With a wide smile and a big thumbs up

If you feel dysphoric he can come off as dismissive and not caring, which truth be told he doesn’t. He cares that you’re sad he just thinks it’s stupid, you’re a man no matter what you actually look like.

Gwimbly may not understand what this whole “gender expression” business is about but he’s worked in the entertainment industry enough to see all types of people, so no matter how eccentric your style is he’ll always know you’re a man.

He’s known for being quite passionate at defending his ego and that extends to you. If someone so much as looks at you with disgust or tries to question you about your identity even in good faith, pray to god he doesn’t have his gwimbly gun or you will be forced to help him evade a felony charge

Usually you two just have to run like hell from law enforcement because he knocked a person’s teeth in. No one disrespects you nor him and gets away with it. He just loves you

Honestly he doesn’t care and may not even understand it, he loves and supports you in his own cooky ways!

[thegirlmirage]

This website (and Twitter for similar reasons) has a lot of "transfem verse transmasc" fighting happening that doesn't exist offline, at least, not even close to the same scale.

I need people to understand that the discourse is poisoned by the amount of TERFs and Fascists that staff refuse to ban. You won't even be aware of it having a direct pathway but I promise you, while there may be genuine salient points people need to make, they're being fired up by transphobes. If we're fighting each other we're not fighting them.

And listen like, there will be things we kinda do need to disagree on. But we need to be really really really understanding with each other, we need to be acting in good faith with each other - there's an inherent loss of understanding online because people aren't in front of you gesticulating and speaking. It's easy for people to angrily disagree when they're actually agreeing even in offline spaces.

Me and my friends knew this transmasc person who spent most of their time online, and had become convinced that you genuinely couldn't trust trans women and when I actually met them, they were sort of weird to me (not in a major way) that made me uncomfortable and so we didn't want to spend time with them. But I was fully ready to befriend them. I later found out prior to even meeting me that they had spread rumours about me not being safe, which is always a little scary when that happens.

They are a very lonely person and often spend a lot of time talking to their friends about how they struggle to make meaningful connections - I'm a big believer in giving people a proper chance, I have a very good track record with helping lonely people make friends and I really did want to be friends with this person - but online discourses had made them mistrustful and actually a little dangerous towards me.

I'm not saying every situation is the same. But what I am seeing is a very clear pathway for people becoming more isolated when what they really need is community. It pains me that this person couldn't see past that and was actively sabotaging themselves.

Please. Be nice to each other. Try to understand. Meet up outside at queer events and forget what you've read online. Let's hang out in the park and share a picnic together instead of all this fighting

[petitelepus]

Hello! 👋 Could I get a yandere, normal and Humans are cute au! Transformers Prime matchup (as a human), please? 🐅 I've read the rules and I hope that I didn't do anything wrong by accident (and counted the words right!).

I'm 18+ and transmasc, so nsfw is fine. Gotta love the big alien bots! I use he/him or they/them pronouns. I'm demisexual and attracted to men.

I'm a deeply emotional and usually quiet person. More of a listener than a talker unless I'm really comfortable with somebody. I like listening to what other people have to say and if possible limit my company to one person at a time. My main love language is physical touch and words of affirmation are a close second. I believe good communication to be the foundation of any relationship. My personality type is INFP.

My main interests are art (painting, sculpting - traditional mediums) and video games as well as exploring the human mind through works of fiction. I really like immersing myself in new and different worlds - sci-fi and fantasy genres are wonderful! Sometimes I write things on the side or make ocs for myself. I also really like densely green areas and like visiting forests whenever I get the chance to. I also like electronic music - synthwave. I ADORE tabletop RPGS! I like making a character and then acting them out. I prefer audio books over reading and I have poor eyesight (near sighted).

Dislikes: children, loud noises, crowds, being approached from behind or surrounded, being yelled at (I will cry.), having to wake up early, hot weather

Breakdown is Yandere for you!

Breakdown absolutely adores how small you are. Decepticons hold no love for humans or any organics for that matter, but you have a special place in this Con's Spark.

He will tell you stories about the Bots and Cons he has fought against and how they never stood chance against him. Only one has been able to match his strength and that was this green Autobot called Bulkhead, but Breakdown doesn't talk about his losses since he wants to stay as the strongest Mech in your mind.

He will happily hug you if it makes you happy and keep you close by. If he let you out of his sight even for a second, you might be trampled by some Vehicon or worse, try to contact Autobots and attempt to leave Breakdown.

The Con warrior isn't the most artistic but he enjoys watching you do what you like. Video games are new to him also, but if you show him fighting games he is SOLD. Humans have virtual fighting simulators? So cool!

Breakdown is interested in your games and having your own characters, but if things get too complicated for him to understand, he usually spaces out.

It's easy to forget when you are around him that he is a ruthless Decepticon warrior and an extremely protective one at that. If anyone even looks at you in a funny way, he has his hammer out and is threatening the guy and literally making them beg for their life. No, they shouldn't beg from him but from you!

If Breakdown thinks that the apology isn't good enough he sees nothing wrong in teaching the Con or Bot some manners. He is just looking out for you.

I match you with Bumblebee!

You're one of the few people who can understand Bumblebee, but what draws him towards you is how you perk up when something you like is being discussed about.

Raf was just one day talking about how he thought about getting into some RPG games and you light up like a newborn star and start telling and explaining everything you might know about the games.

Bee makes a comment that you are really cute when you talk about your interests and you two kinda became a thing.

Bumblebee enjoys quality time with you and loves holding you close as he plays you some of your favorite songs, usually electronic. If he is feeling like showing you some affection, he tends to choose romantic songs.

If the two of you take a trip somewhere, he likely will play your current audiobook in the speakers.

The yellow Autobot would love to tell you about Cybertron but his words are limited so he relies on other Bots to explain about their home planet to you.

Bee is familiar with sci-fi but fantasy is new to him, but luckily he is eager to learn. He would love to create new worlds and your own characters! He wants to badly be a strong and heroic warrior and save you from evil goblins. He just wants to be your hero in shining armor in both game and real life.

Knock Out is your owner!

You were originally a gift to Knock Out from Breakdown. The big brute wanted to make sure that his lover would always have someone to puff the red mech and that he could never feel lonely when Breakdown wouldn't be able to be with him.

Knock Out thought it was a joke, but then he looked at you and decided that "Frag it" and took you in.

This sleek beautiful Con is a good owner. He takes care of things that belong to him, and you are one of those things. You're a fine human specimen, even if a little quiet at first. He encourages you to speak because he wants to hear you praise his paint job or finish.

He will take you out with him to see drive-in movies and shop for stuff. You're his pet so you must look at least half as good as he does.

When Breakdown is gone, like, gone for good, you're there to offer Knock Out company and sympathy. He doesn't cry, he is a Con, but he will quietly hold you in his arms as if you would also disappear if he let go even for a second. You're the last thing he has of Breakdown and he will cherish you.

Please, do paint a pretty picture of Knock Out or make a statue of him. He will love them because he knows that you put a lot of effort into them.

These games you show him are interesting to say at least. Knock Out likes playing with you, even if he needs a moment to learn, but he makes a great Bard.

You would think he would make his character a Cleric or a Healer, but nope, he wants to sing about his glorious looks and the exciting adventures the two of you end up on.

[bottomless-fries]

call me kitty! 27, transmasc gainer, he/him

cw: 320lbs

gw: 350lbs+ (not necessarily a stopping point, just my big goal for now)

this is my gaining/feedism blog! mostly just a space/outlet for facets of this kink that don’t overlap with my partner’s. that being said, i’m happily partnered, and my partner is aware of this blog. i’m a vers but particularly love being a fat dom lol <3

not looking for a feeder, but i love meeting other people (especially trans people!) in the community. encouragement is cool sometimes, just uh… be normal about it! please feel free to hit me up if you ever wanna chat, but know that i don’t respond to very basic intro messages and/or if the conversation fizzles 🩷

always love getting feedism/fat related asks so go wild lmao

i’ll be posting pics of myself under the #kitty.png tag.

please note: this blog will also contain references to alcohol/drugs (weed), general gaining/feedism stuff, as well as dark/death feedism and immobility (mostly as a fantasy (maybe))

other interests of note include furries (i am one lmao) - dragons/tigers specifically, intelligence loss, intoxication as a kink, lactation, and petplay.

feel free to soft block if you’re uncomfortable with me following you. viewer discretion is advised.

18+ only, no minors.

[mosscoveredvoid]

Intro post

Hey, so I’m not sure what to put here, but some basic information about me! :]

Name: Moss

pronouns: they/he, I also don’t mind it/its

I’m nonbinary and transmasc :]

I’m mainly on Tumblr to support my sibling and to follow content about shows and things I like :]

I’ll post here as well as my TikTok (mosscoveredvoid on TikTok as well) about my Twitch :] I don’t stream often but I do like doing it :D

Some fandoms I have interest in are Undertale, Deltarune, Gravity Falls, Steven universe, Generation Loss, The Stanley Parable, TMNT, Supernatural, South Park, Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss, BoJack Horseman, and Smiling Friends. These are just the big ones, there’s plenty more that I was a part of/liked lol

I’m happy to be here and my asks are open! I hope to interact with the community and post more often :]

[miraculouslumination]

"Trans men/transmascs aren't hated for being men/masculine we're/they're only hated for being trans"

Tell that to literally any trans man, or even transmasc individual, who has lost numerous friends during their transition because they became "too much of a man/too masculine".

Tell that to any trans man or transmasc who has been asked and berrated with questions and comments such as "why would you EVER want/choose to be a man" "how could you do this to us?" "Well as long as you don't act like/become too much of a man." "You're not going on T, though, are you?" and plenty more

Tell that to any trans man or transmasc who has been pushed out of entire support groups and communities, even if they have been there for YEARS, because they're no longer a woman

Tell that to any trans man or transmasc who have been labeled as a traitor to women and woman/sisterhood for being a man/masculine

Tell that to the trans men and transmascs who have been deemed dangerous and thus shunned, threatened, or even assaulted all because they're men now "and they should expect and accept it"

To the trans men and transmascs who have been assaulted in ways to try and "fix us" and turn us "back into women/lesbians"

Tell that to the trans men and transmascs who are labeled as the killers of parents sweet precious cis daughters or stealer of irreplaceable invaluavle lesbians or a poor unfortunate victim of being groomed by the Big Scary Trans Genders

Tell that to the trans men and transmascs who have been denied crucial, sometimes life-saving and/or life-altering health and medical care all because their gender marker has been changed to an M.

Tell that to the trans men who get told we're the ones responsible misogyny being systematic - that we just want to have it "easier" and surely can no longer be feminists because we "chose being an evil, oppressive (trans) man over being a soft, holy (cis) woman"

Tell them that all of the losses of their social connections and supports, the grimaces and sneers people have as their transition goes "too far". Tell that to the trans men and transmascs who have been deemed as predatory, potentially dangerous, in need of "saving", and so much more. Tell it to the trans men and transmascs who go through constant silencing, scrutiny, erasure and gatekeeping. Tell them that all of the pain, grief, loneliness, isolation, harassment, abuse and MORE that they have experienced ISN'T because they're a man or masculine, but because they're "just" trans. Even when, during all of these horrific moments in their life, the people inflicting this violence against them held nothing but contempt for them choosing to be a man. For trying to parade around as a man, when clearly they're just some poor delusional cis woman.

Tell them, because clearly you know everything and exactly how all of this works and how everyone's lived experiences have gone. Because you apparently know everything more than anyone else.

[nothorses]

In the wake of Elliot Page

I hate to get this serious so soon after such amazing news, but I’ve already seen some weird ideas floating around after Elliot Page came out as trans today, and I just wanted to gather some thoughts.

Nobody “lost a lesbian” today.

Elliot Page has not publicly commented on his orientation since he came out today, aside from the use of the word “queer”. Transmasc lesbians are valid, trans male lesbians are valid, and he/they lesbians are valid.

If he does decide to change how he identifies- i.e., not as a lesbian- that’s still okay! The lesbian community does not “own” anyone. It is not a “loss” that a trans person realized they were trans and has chosen to pursue happiness for themselves. That is, overwhelmingly, a win for the queer community as a whole.

“Lost lesbian” rhetoric is also, literally, verbatim, just straight-up TERF rhetoric. The “lost lesbian” thing is something TERFs use as justification to manipulate and abuse transmascs already; many going as far as corrective rape in an effort to “bring back” these “lost lesbians”. Do not buy into it, do not recycle it, do not allow it to go unchecked.

We know the TERFs are pissed.

You don’t need to “warn” the transmasc community about the oncoming storm of TERF harassment. It’s not new. It’s not unique to this situation. TERFs have been gaslighting, manipulating, abusing, and harassing transmascs since before TERFs had a name for themselves. Most of us have been dealing with it all along, and I’m sure all of us knew it was going to get louder the moment we heard the news.

If you think this is new, it’s because you weren’t paying attention before. 

I’m glad you are now; that’s great! Visibility is something the transmasc community sorely lacks, and it’s why so much violence against us goes under-reported and largely unaddressed. Welcome to seeing & caring about a demographic of the trans community that has needed this support all along. You’re late, but that’s okay; it’s never too late.

This is a massive win for the transmasc community.

I hesitate to call Page “transmasc” just yet, because he hasn’t really claimed any labels aside from “trans”, but I use the term because it’s broad, ambiguous, and captures the wider impact of his coming out:

Elliot Page is the most notable transmasc figure right now. Whatever labels he decides to use, he is recognizable to society at large as “trans in that general direction”- and that direction is one that’s very underrepresented in media, one that lacks major public figures, and one sorely in need of representation and visibility.

Transmascs are celebrating right now because we needed this. We needed someone we could point to and say “I’m like that!”, to explain ourselves to others, to ourselves, or just to feel a little less alone.

Our community is stringent; it’s not close-knit, we don’t have support systems, social networks through each other, and big community spaces like other parts of the trans community do. (Especially not ones that are friendly to nonbinary people, GNC transmascs, fat transmascs, pre-transition transmascs... and to those of us who care about all of our siblings!)

Elliot page is bringing visibility with him, and it’s like a breath of fresh air. It’s like a sigh of relief. It’s... this:

[IMAGE: Tweet from @charlesgirard on twitter. “I've been out as trans masc for over 10 years + I feel like I have been sitting in a coffee shop waiting for friends to show up and all of a sudden this coffee shop is filling up with the people I was waiting for and people I didn't know I was waiting for” END]

Please celebrate with us! And while you do, please center transmasc voices, transmasc experiences, and the reasons this is so important to our community. 

And don’t just celebrate; use this as an opportunity to learn about and support transmascs! Our needs are different from the broad needs of the trans community. We have specific struggles and unique experiences, and this is a good time to educate yourself and become a better trans ally.

[cinnamonest]

If you don't mind me asking, why does femdom make you uncomfortable? And why do you have a kink for misogyny in the first place? Just curious, really, I have nothing to judge- just as a transmasc person kinks rooted in gender are sort of difficult for me to understand.

Ok so I hope you don't mind a long answer lol, I like kink psychology really and it's difficult to put into a short paragraph.

So usually sexual preferences and kinks are based on either being taboo/wrong, or based on comfort -- what makes us feel comforted, safe, and validated. For me (and most people who have it in my experience) all of these are comfort/validation related kinks. I used to think I was the only one but I actually discovered there's a whole community for the sexism kink.

Although I think the modern empowerment of women is great, obviously, for some of us it's actually very daunting and jarring to be held up to this expectation of a "strong independent woman", that is thrown in your face from every direction, especially if it's foreign to you. Which it was for me, having been raised in a very very very conservative background and then thrust into the real world. Most people I've met with this kink have that upbringing in common. There definitely is a sentiment in some aspects of culture/mainstream that you're doing women a disservice or not being a good feminist if you do not meet the standard image of a strong, fiery and independent woman. Idk if it's different for girls who grew up in more egalitarian homes, but that was and still is very intimidating for me.

The whole thing with the more "loving" sexism kink (which is my preference, as I'm not fond of the free use cruel type of sexism) is you have the reassurance of love, with the comfort of a provider/protector and the reassurance that you don't have to be a strong, independent person. You can be dependent, dumb, needy, and weak, and that's ok, because nothing more is expected of you. And it's even a good thing that you are loved and appreciated for - it's good to be those things. It's comforting and validating, because it is an expectation I can meet. It's reassuring to accept being "inferior." It's also familiar because it's what I'm used to.

And of course, there's the whole concept of being property and some degradation/humiliation factor with the inferiority as well, which is a very common kink, and this is just one possible manifestation of it. So it combines those concepts of comfort with degradation -- it's sweet, loving degradation, which is a rare, hard to achieve thing that I like a lot. Also, submission and loss of control are very common kinks, and this once again is just one possible form.

And for the men, from what I have gathered from discussions with them, it makes them feel powerful and in control, which are typically things that make dominant men feel secure/comforted or reassured. So you also get the good feeling of knowing you are making the other party happy/feel good.

Consequently femdom does the opposite. Makes me feel nervous and very uncomfortable. Seeing men be submissive to women gives me a skin-crawling sort of feeling. It just feels "wrong" and jarring. Weirdly enough though I like femdom in Yuri/GL, I can still project myself onto the bottom. It only bothers me when it's het femdom. Not that I have a problem with it or think it's bad, I'm glad people have a spectrum of sexual tastes and respect them all, it just bothers me personally.

As for the incest... In general, most people like incest for the closeness/love factor, or the tabooness. Incest is, of course, extremely controversial in real life, so it has the "sin" appeal that a lot of people get excited by.

As for specifically momcon, one, there's a limited amount of incest dynamics there, and virtually all of them involve being young and/or usually have themes of virginity, like daughter or sister. Female virginity is another thing that unsettles me a bit, so I avoid it (but also don't mind it so much that I need warnings or anything). I like projecting onto milfs/women way older than I actually am -- I honestly couldn't tell you why that is. I've thought about it a lot but I can't figure it out. But I love older woman x younger man content, which the mom thing allows for. Two, because it just feels more shocking and fucked up/taboo than the others. Three, the role reversal is a big aspect. I love anything where the woman was originally in a position of power and has it stripped away from the one beneath her - so like a student noncon-ing a teacher, little brother on older sister, son on mom, employee on boss, etc. Four, despite that, there's still some semblance of control -- it's more "safe" in some ways.

All in all though that doesn't accurately cover the full reasons, bc to be honest I'm not 100% confident why I like the mom stuff so much more than other forms of incest. I think it has something to do with the emotional closeness, feeling of betrayal, unexpectedness, the victim blaming potential (since you raised them), etc. There's also the concept of being trapped by ones own love -- a mother's love tends to be unconditional. So unlike most cases of noncon, mothers often struggle to hate or want to take action against the son, which puts them in a difficult position.

Or maybe I just exist to make Freud smile in his grave.

[laundryandtaxes]

I think this is kind of a silly fight to pick when it isn't like there are hoardes of self-termed transvestites clamoring for inclusion in transgender community and when most LGBT and queer people would find it incredibly offensive for me, as someone who does in fact "cross dress" full time, to refer to myself as a transvestite. But I do think that the loss of the term and framework has meant, and this is gonna get problematic but if you're old enough to be reading this you're a big kid and you'll live, that a lot of people who are really vaguely gender nonconforming have been shoved forcibly under the transgender umbrella in a way that might have been preventing by "transvestite" hanging around- that is to say, the term and concept intentionally held space for people who experienced life deeply as gender nonconforming people but who may not have wished for any medical interventions to alleviate dysphoria. This is a helpful concept to have around for two reasons. Firstly, it prevents people from doing what I think is ultimately often appropriating the language developed around transness to describe experiences that are much closer in line with the experiences of non-gnc heterosexual people than of someone who transitions from being read as one gender to the other- the number of people I've met and talked to who live their lives being read as straight women and think they're a member of a class (transgender) that is somehow marginalized by the class of which I'm allegedly a member (cisgender) is astounding, and the number of people who believe I "have" (gag) some level of cis privilege over people read WHILE PRESENTING AS DESIRED as wholesome heterosexuals is absurd. Secondly it provides a very clear form of potential identitification for people who wish to enact some very real and life-altering and sometimes life-threatening kinds of gender nonconformity but who don't wish to transition, and the loss of a framework for people like that (people like myself) has meant a lot of people, especially women, transitioning who shouldn't have- I do think there's a case to be made that we wouldn't be seeing this massive wave of detransitioners, largely women, if there were more readily available ontologies about gender nonconformity among LGBT people. The creation of a third gender box- and I'm aware that many people take serious issue with that understanding of nonbinary identity, but the fact remains that the popularity of that conception among LGBT people has had very harmful consequences and created whole new kinds of prescriptivism- has not ushered in some new variety of ways to be gender nonconforming, it has largely codified one or two additional ways of presenting.

I don't think the newness of the distinction makes it bad- the post I plucked this from presents the concept of transgender identity as being new in 1994, so it isn't like we are talking about some ancient and wise history, we're talking about changes in self conception among a tiny group of people from a few years ago to now- but I do baseline agree that the kind of chasm here is how you get people being offended at existence of communities specifically for butch and transmasc individuals to share as though there is all that much truly separating us when even plenty of butches are seeking out transition measures, making up stupid fake fights to have about almost entirely imagined gay men that exclusively use she/her, etc. I don't think that necessitates inclusion in transgender identity and community and in some ways I think it kind of argues against it, but either way we've truly kind of lost the plot here.

[transmasculineselfielove]

Yo wait this blog is all about diversity amongst transmasc people but why does it seem like you're negative when it comes to white/fit people. I hope this doesn't sound rude I'm just genuinely curious.

This is a big question with a lot of moving parts.

As you all have heard me say many times before, this is a blog that prioritizes people who are not skinny, white, able-bodied dudes.  That in itself doesn't mean the blog is "negative" about these guys.  It's just that we recognize that these are the guys who tend to be seen as representing the ftm community.  When we browse the ftm tag, or check out ftm blogs or publications, we're often bombarded with images of this narrow selection of the trans community.  This blog wants to give space to other people who are often left out.  Giving space to minorities and oppressed groups of people is a positive thing.

I do get salty about white people who complain about this.  When folks come into my inbox, or make comments on posts about how they feel discriminated against because they're white, I feel very negative about them. White folks like myself need to recognize that we are the priority in most places, that we benefit froms institutionalized racism, and that if we want to be decent people, we need to realize that just because someone not white is being given space, it doesn't mean we're being personally harmed.  Also sometimes, we just need to shut the fuck up.

At for "fit" people, that's a whole different can of worms.  Yes, they do get prioritized in the trans community and that's not fair to the many, many trans guys of diverse body sizes. And yes, they benefit from institutionalized fatphobia, which sees thin people being treated better by the medical industry, employers, and just strangers on the street.  But what I've been talking about lately isn't just about that.

It's the fact that what's "fit" often has nothing to do with health or well-being.  The fact that diet culture and fatphobia disproportionately affects the trans community in ways that leave us more likely to develop eating disorders, less likely to receive proper medical care, and more likely to experience a poor relationship with our bodies.  Fitspo and diet culture are absolutely negative influences on our community, and should be treated as such.

Let's be clear.  Skinny is not automatically healthy and fat is not unhealthy (in fact, skinny people experience worse mortality outcomes than overweight people).  Our image of fitness is often people who are eating too little, exercising too much, and operating on a calorie deficiency that will lead to short and long term health problems for them.  I feel bad that diet culture so completely controls the lives of these folks.  But as long as they are held up as "goals" for other trans guys, then they do not belong on this blog, which is anti-diet culture, anti-weight loss, and anti-fitspo.

(and, you know, having said that, I don't disallow all people who might fall into the categories of skinny or "fit."  I just don't want images that are all about them showing off how skinny they are, post workout selfies, posts with weight loss talk, etc)